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lustytears · 2 months

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i wanna turn you on.

loser!luke castellan x f!reader

summary: (title is inspired by the smashing pumpkins - today) luke castellan basically watches you from your cabin window and mutually (but not mutually) masturbates with you.

warnings: smut, luke is a bit weird. luke is giving virgin but that’s up to the reader honestly, reader gets sexualized by luke, written in mainly luke’s perspective but it does switch to the readers, masturbation, bathroom breaks (if you catch my drift from the previous tag), luke is a manipulative piece of shit but it’s very hard to know at first read.

You weren’t kidding when you had the sneaking suspicion that one had always been watching you. All of your darkest moments felt violated, invaded, or even threatened.

Maybe you thought wrong. That’s what everyone else thought when you confessed to your friends, saying that “Nobody would bother to try and watch you” or, “You’ll be fine. Camp’s safe.”

What you were unaware of was that Luke Castellan, the brave and noble leader who aspired many at camp for his dedicated devotion to his people and the gods.

Were you wrong to think otherwise?

•————————————————————————•

He was desperate. Desperate to understand you, feel you, and even taste you. His heart (as conveyed by those personal to him) was kind, logical, and even charming. He welcomed everyone who was unclaimed, and those who were claimed. The sweet little “heys” and the “hellos” are what people paid attention to. His demeanor and morality were nothing but pure.

You knew that for some reason, Luke had the right intentions. But for some part inside of you, something twisted his image into something so much more darker and malevolent.

He wasn’t dark, neither any of the things you thought. Contradicting, yes—but he couldn’t help but stare at you whenever you walked past, staring at the back of your body and sometimes your ass. He tried to snap out of it, tried so hard to keep his control, but he couldn’t help it.

He realized that you were his new obsession. Occasionally, Luke would sometimes go to the bathroom stalls to stroke his painfully rock-hard cock that leaked small beads of pre-cum, wiping onto his hand and leaking all over the base of his cock. His mind would drift to how your voice was maternally caring, sweet and dripping almost like nectar. Your lips and the way they would part open and close, rubbing them together against your pink-glossed lip gloss. The thought of the sticky consistency and shiny glow of your lips wrapped around the base of his cock as he steadily thrusted his cock hard and fast into your mouth like it was nothing but made for him would make him grip the top of the stall door.

Luke would try to feel disdained by these thoughts, try so desperately to think of other problems he had. But you were his only problem.

One day around Camp, he noticed how one of the Ares boys were sticking around you like you were some kind of fly trap. The boy would try and lift you up, slinging you over his shoulder like you were some prized possession.

“Put me down!” You laughed as you nudged your body, particularly your hips noticeable to both the boy that was carrying you and to Luke.

The Ares boy took notice of the sudden tension and put you down, before accidentally (but obviously, not totally) pushing your ass into his pelvic region when he grabbed your arms and pulled you back. You’d laugh, the impact of your ass in those little black shorts bouncing against his center drove Luke fucking insane.

Luke ended up getting one of the hardest boners ever to pain him, and he would occasionally watch your body move around, your hips swaying and the way your ass was barely fit into your outfit made him palm his cock, pretending to adjust his jeans.

On a dark night, Luke realized that you had the same routine. Specifically, it was your night routine. He didn’t expect to remember it, but he remembered one specific incident where he followed you to your cabin.

He watched as you opened the door and closed it, slamming it behind you in what may have been frustration. Then, he got the idea to get a closer look.

Luke inched near your window, crouching below the window pane just to see perfectly into the dimly visible light that instantly let him see into your own world. It was so wrong, but it was so worth knowing that the blinds were pulled up all the way, almost as if you personally wanted somebody to watch you like you were a product on display.

You walked around the room, his eyes following your every step, even when you sat down on the bed and looked through your dresser, going through the top drawer that contained your underwear and nightwear. Pulling out a black mesh nightgown, you got up and started to strip down to your bare and naked body. He carefully focused on how the t-shirt you wore hiked up above your amazingly flawless breasts. The way you pulled it off and threw it down to the bed caused the two of you to moan, unknowingly so. You seemed frustrated with something, but he was high as fuck on this moment.

His cock rubbed against the barriers holding him back, and it wasn’t getting better. When your thumb tucked underneath the waistband of your underwear and shorts, you pulled them down and off your legs. Your ass was visible for him to see, and he dared to peak his head up a little more to see how it motioned as you walked to your bed.

He expected you to put back on your nightgown, but he thought so, so fucking wrong. You flopped down your bed and pulled your legs up to show him how your pussy looked dripping wet. His mouth dropped, his hands going down to his pants and subconsciously unbuttoning them so he could stick his dick out through his boxers and thrust his half-erect cock into his fist.

But he didn’t want to touch himself just yet. He needed to see more. What more could you give? It didn’t make any sense, but it finally did when your long and slender fingers tucked under your weight, where you parted your cunt apart with two fingers in a ‘V’ shape. You moaned as the cold air hit your hot and wet pussy. Luke’s hands fumbled to pull his cock out, his eyes glued to the way you were now dipping your middle finger into your sopping wet hole. You pressed a finger into your gummy walls and started to create a rhythm along with your hips and your hand.

He rubbed the leaking pre-cum all over the tip of his cock, pretending like your thumb was doing so. He wrapped his palm around his dick and jerked himself up and down in a slow and deliberately painful manner. Your fingers moved to your clit and began to rub it in a circular motion, your lips all puffy and your eyes closed from the pleasure you were giving yourself. So much was going on for you that your back arched off the bed, and Luke’s cock was being fucked even faster from his own hand. He whined a bit louder, involuntarily thrusting into his own hand. The both of you could sense your own respective releases, and it wasn’t slowing down anytime sooner.

Luke would whisper his name to his own self, pretending like it was you who was calling it out through the muffled sounds of your moans inside of your cabin. Your legs twitched and two fingers were now deep and invasive inside of your tight cunt.

He hoarsely whispered to himself. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum so hard all for you,” softly swearing as he could feel his own semen dripping out of his cock and lubricating his fist.

Your fingers worked harder, and your clit was getting rubbed to the point where it felt like it was numb for pleasure. You let out a steady and sharp moan, lifting your ass off of the mattress and pumping now three digits into your pretty and pink pussy. He watched you, all goggly and eyes wide like he’d miss one second of you. He couldn’t waste the opportunity to miss you cum.

Luke was now practically moaning and hyperventilating as he let out a sigh and came all over the place. Webs of white and hot cum coated his overstimulated cock and the fist of his hand. You followed along, cumming and tightening all around your fingers as you vocally expressed one of the best moans one could ever experience in an orgasm.

All tired and weak, your legs fell down against the bed as your swollen clit pulsated from such intensity.

With realization, Luke snapped his eyes down to see the mess he made just crouching below your window. He groaned, shaking his hand to get rid of some of the cum that was on his hand. His cock was now soft and finally pleased, so he tucked his cock right back into his boxers and pulled up his jeans, remaining low and among the bushes before he know it was safe to walk alone.

When Luke was approached by a wandering cabin mate, he’d just make an excuse.

“Couldn’t sleep. Had to kill time,” knowing damn well with a smile that you just solved his nightly frustrations.

#UGH THIS IS SO BAD #FEELS SOO RUSHED #luke castellan smut #luke castellan #smut #stalker #pjo tv show #percy jackson #percy jackson smut #fanfic

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st4rfckerz · 3 months

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church mouse | priest!anakin skywalker x reader

word count: 4.0k

warnings: MDNI 18+, blasphemy, age gap (reader is in her 20s), mild manipulation, infedelity, pet names, dubcon, fingering, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex, creampie, virginity loss, rushed ending dead dove do not eat

summary: After confessing your sins to the priest, he encourages you to talk to him privately.

The sun shone brightly outside the church windows, casting warm rays across the peaceful town square. Birds sang melodiously in trees lining the peaceful avenue leading to the church building. Inside, candles flickered gently, casting warm light on the ornate wooden pews filled with devoted parishioners.

Many attendees wore their finest clothes as they listened intently to Father Anakin's sermons, occasionally whispering prayers under their breath or reaching for their rosaries. The scent of incense mixed pleasantly with perfume and cologne wafting through the air.

"Today's lesson is about finding solace in our faith during difficult times, we have all faced trials and tribulations throughout life, but remember that God is always with us, guiding us through these dark moments," he paused dramatically, letting the words sink in before adding. "Just like how I am here for you all, If anyone needs guidance or support outside of church hours, please don't hesitate to visit me personally."

The crowd applauded politely, some even raising their hands in praise.

Anakin stood tall and proud in front of his congregation, his hands resting gracefully atop each other in prayer position. "But first, let us pray," he began solemnly. Everyone followed suit, kneeling on their knees, and bowing their heads in unison. He led them in a heartfelt prayer asking for strength and guidance throughout the week ahead. Your eyes were closed tightly as you prayed fervently, the beads of you rosary clicking softly in rhythm with each breath you took.

The prayer ends and you raise your head. Anakin's warm eyes met yours briefly before returning his gaze to the congregation. "Remember, my dear friends, if you ever need someone to turn to in times of trouble or doubt, I am here for you. Now, let us proceed with the sermon." He said softly yet firmly.

Anakin's sermon lasted well beyond the usual hour mark, his words resonating deeply within you. He talked about sin and repentance, forgiveness and redemption. Each sentence seemed tailored specifically for you, hitting hard at places you didn't even know existed. His voice was mesmerizing, lulling you into a trance-like state where all you could think about was him.

After thanking everyone for attending church today, Anakin announced that confessionals would remain open for anyone who needed to speak with him privately. He urged those waiting outside the confessional booths to enter one by one. People started lining up outside the confessional booths, waiting patiently for their turn to unburden themselves.

You hesitated briefly, unsure whether you should go or not.

Finally, mustering up courage, you walked slowly towards the nearest booth, taking deep breaths to calm yourself.

You couldn't help but notice how many women seemed particularly entranced by Father Anakin; they hung onto his every word during sermons and lingered longer than necessary after Mass ended. Some even approached him directly after services, seeking personal guidance or counsel.

When it was finally your turn, you nervously stepped inside the dimly lit booth. The thick wooden panel separated you from him, giving you some semblance of privacy. You hoped no one could hear what you were about to say.

"Forgive me Father for I have sinned." You begin timidly.

You could hear his soothing voice responding softly, "What is it my child? Remember, here you can speak freely without fear of judgment." His deep baritone reverberated through the wooden walls, making your knees tremble slightly.

Unsure of how to begin, you struggled to find the right words. Your voice trembled slightly as you managed to spit out the confession that had been weighing heavily on your mind for days now.

"I had an encounter with a boy and it was wrong," You explain. "He touched me Father." The admission felt like a heavy stone being lifted off your chest, but also brought forth a wave of guilt and shame.

Your heart raced faster than ever before, and you could feel sweat forming on your palms as they clutched tightly onto the confession railing.

Anakin's eyes narrowed slightly, a slight frown creeping onto his otherwise serene face.

His warmth radiated off him like a furnace, making you feel as if you were melting in his presence. "And did you enjoy it?" he asked bluntly, his tone laced with curiosity rather than judgment.

Slightly taken aback you respond meekly, "No sir."

After a brief pause, he continued, his tone becoming more commanding. "Meet me in my office once everyone has left." With that cryptic statement, you hear his door open, signaling the end of confession time. After gathering yourself, you cautiously left the booth and returned to the previously vacant pew.

As everyone else left the almost empty church, you sat in silence and waited. The sun casted a warm, golden light through the stained glass windows, casting colorful patterns on the pews surrounding you. It was only you and a woman only a few years your senior. The woman's eyes lingered on Anakin hungrily as she waited for him to acknowledge her presence

The woman, dressed in a somewhat modest dress and heels, stood in front of Anakin. They engaged in conversation for several minutes, their voices low enough that you couldn't make out what they were discussing. Anakin gave you a small nod towards the hallway leading to his office, indicating you should wait outside while he finished up with the other woman. Reluctantly, you stepped into the empty hallway, trying to calm your racing heartbeat. Every step felt like walking on eggshells, and every sound echoed loudly in your ears. Finally, after what seemed like forever, you reach his office.

With haste, you slip inside and shut the door. You sat nervously in the chair, trying to compose yourself as you waited for Anakin to finish his conversation with the woman. The office itself was tastefully decorated, featuring a large wooden desk with numerous religious trinkets and pictures of Jesus Christ adorning the walls. Bookshelves lined one wall, filled with volumes on religion, philosophy, and psychology. A large cross hung prominently above his desk, casting eerie shadows across the room.

The door creaked open, and Anakin stepped inside, closing and locking it behind him. His long legs striding confidently towards you as you remain sitting in your chair. Reaching out, he gently caressed your cheek with his warm palm, his fingers brushing against your jawline. His touch sent electric shockwaves through your body, making it hard for you to focus on anything but him.

"Did you enjoy today's sermon little lamb?" He asks softly.

"Yes Father," You managed to croak out, your voice cracking slightly. "It was very moving."

Anakin walks over to his desk and sits down across from you, his presence nearly overpowering as he leaned forward in his chair. His large frame loomed over you, making you feel small and insignificant yet simultaneously drawn to him.

"I noticed how attentive you've been during my sermons," he admitted with a slight smirk. "It's quite flattering, actually." You couldn't help but blush at his candid admission, feeling a strange mixture of embarrassment and excitement wash over you.

"Now, tell me more about this encounter you mentioned during confession," he said calmly, leaning forward slightly. His presence was suffocating yet strangely comforting, making it difficult for you to form coherent sentences. "What exactly happened between you and this boy?"

"W-well the other day me and this boy were studying together, and then he kissed me." you admitted sheepishly.

"Is that all he did?" Anakin pressed, his eyes boring into yours. His question caught you off guard, and you hesitated before answering truthfully.

"No sir, when we kissed he put his fingers...inside me." Your face flushed even brighter at your confession, and you felt heat rising in your chest. Anakin's expression remained unchanged, but you could feel the heat emanating from him intensifying.

"Was it consensual?" he asked bluntly, his eyes boring into yours.

You hesitated for a moment, unsure how to respond. On one hand, you knew what you had done was wrong, but another part of you couldn't deny the thrill and excitement it brought you

"Yes Father," you whispered softly, barely audible above the ticking clock on his desk. You hung your head low in shame, tears threatening to spill over at the thought of betraying your faith. "But I didn't...you know." Anakin's brow furrowed slightly, his eyes searching yours intently. He raised an eyebrow, his gaze intensifying. Anakin paused for a moment, considering his next words carefully.

"You didn't have an orgasm." He stated bluntly, his tone devoid of judgment. You shake your head quickly, too embarrassed to speak again.

He leaned forward, placing his elbows on the desk, his forearms resting on his knees. His icy blue eyes bore into yours, searching for some hidden truth that you refused to admit. "It's natural for a young woman like yourself to be curious about her body and sexuality," he said matter-of-factly. "But remember, these desires must be channeled appropriately. God created us with these urges, but we must learn to control them."

Anakin rose from his chair, towering over you as he extended a hand towards his own seat. "Please, sit," he commanded softly, his voice carrying an underlying command that left no room for refusal. You hesitantly stood up and walked tentatively towards him, your heart racing wildly in anticipation of what was to come.

Anakin stood behind you as you sat in his big, leather chair. He opened a large, leather-bound Bible on the desk, flipping through the pages until he found a particular passage. "Read this passage aloud for me," he commanded softly, his hands resting lightly on the arms of the chair. "I believe it might resonate with you." You cleared your throat and began to read the passage about self control, giving it your best effort despite the heavy breathing behind you.

"2 Peter 1:4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires." You read quietly. Anakin listened intently as you read the passage, his fingers lightly tracing circles on your nape and down your spine. With each touch, your brain became foggier, making it difficult for you to concentrate on the words written centuries ago.

"That's beautiful," he murmured, his voice low and husky. Anakin leaned forward, his breath hot against your ear. "Do you understand what these words mean?" he whispers.

"Yes Father." You reply quietly. Anakin's fingers traced lower, brushing against your cleavage through your top. "Good girl," he praised, his voice dropping to a whisper. "Now, I want you to close your eyes and imagine that these words are being spoken directly to you by God Himself."

He leaned closer, his breath hot against your ear, sending shivers down your spine. "Imagine that He's telling you, 'My child, I love you unconditionally. You are mine, and no one else can ever take that away from you.' Do you feel it spreading throughout your body?" A surge of warmth washed over you like a tidal wave. It started at your feet and spread upwards, engulfing every inch of your body. You shivered in delight as goosebumps formed on your skin.

Anakin flipped the Bible page to another passage, his fingers brushing against yours lightly as he did so. "Now, read this one aloud for me, 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5" he commanded softly, his warm breath tickling your earlobe.

You obediently did as he commanded, trying hard not to focus on the growing arousal between your legs. You clear your throat and speak again.

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God."

As you read the passage, Anakin's lips traced slow, gentle kisses along your neck, his breath hot against your skin. Each touch ignited a fire within you, making it increasingly difficult to focus on the words written on the page. Anakin's lips reached your collarbone, his breath hot against your skin.

"You're still pure, aren't you?" he asked softly, nipping lightly at your earlobe. "No one has ever claimed you like this before?" His hand reaches down and slides underneath your skirt, brushing his knuckles against your wet, cotton panties.

"Yes." you managed to choke out, your voice cracking with desire. Your body arched into his touch, begging for more. You bit your bottom lip hard, trying to suppress the moan escaping your throat as he continued to tease and torment you. You felt your resolve crumble beneath his relentless assault on your senses. His words had substance, they seemed so full of meaning. You were mesmerized.

Anakin groaned lowly, his voice low and husky. "I knew there was something special about you, my church mouse," he whispered in your ear, his breath warm and intoxicating. Anakin's hand moved to the edge of your panties, his warm fingers pulling them to the side. His thumb teased your throbbing clit, circling around it slowly. "You weren't this wet when that boy touched you, were you?" he purred, his voice filled with satisfaction.

"N-no Father, I wasn't." you moan softly, unable to contain the growing need building inside of you. Anakin's fingers plunge into your aching cunt, moving in and out of your tight entrance slowly at first, his thumb still circling your sensitive nub. His breathing grew heavier, matching the rapid pace of your own as he continued to explore your most sacred parts.

"That's my girl," he praised, his voice laced with lust. "Feel how much you need me?"

You nodded vigorously, unable to form coherent words as his touch escalated. Each curl of his fingers inside your drooling cunt heightened your arousal, making it nearly impossible for you to concentrate on anything else. His touch was unlike anything you'd ever experienced before—it was both rough and tender, possessive yet caring. The combination of his power and gentleness left you feeling both terrified and exhilarated at the same time.

Soon your body tensed up, and you could feel your orgasm building rapidly. Anakin pulled his fingers out of your core just as you reached the brink of ecstasy, leaving you hanging on the edge of orgasm.

"No, why'd you stop?" you whine softly as you turn around to face him. You pouted, your lower lip quivering in frustration as he denied you the release you so desperately craved.

A smirk played at the corners of his lips. "Not yet, little lamb." he teased, his voice laced with power and control. Anakin stood up straight again, his erection straining against his pants. He pulled your chair back slightly, creating enough room for him to stand in front of you. His large frame loomed over you as he placed a hand on your cheek, tilting your head up to meet his gaze.

Anakin's eyes bore into yours, searching for any signs of hesitation or deceit. "Do you pray every night?" he asked, his voice laced with concern.

You nodded earnestly, unable to hide the truth from him. "Yes, Father. I pray every night before bed." Anakin knelt down in front of you, his broad shoulders framing your body. His hands moved to rest on your knees, his thumbs rubbing slow circles over your skin.

"What do you pray for? What do you ask of God?" Anakin asks softly, his eyes searching yours intently.

You glanced down at your lap, unable to meet his piercing gaze. "I ask for strength and guidance, mostly." you mumbled, feeling the heat of embarrassment creeping up your neck.

Anakin's eyes narrowed slightly, studying your reaction. After a moment of silence, he spoke again, his voice low and husky. "Good," His hand moved up your leg, lifting your skirt enough to expose your panty-clad pussy. "I can't help but notice how devoted you are during my sermons," he said, his voice dripping with false concern. "It would be a sin for me not to reward my favorite student.

With one swift motion, he yanked your panties down to your ankles, exposing your slick coated cunt to his hungry eyes. Anakin placed your leg on his shoulder, giving him better access to your now-exposed folds. His warm, wet tongue traced slow circles around your entrance before dipping inside, his tongue flicking against your sensitive spots with expert precision.

"Read again," he commanded, his voice mumbling against your warm flesh. "Proverbs 18:21."

You fumbled with the Bible, your hands shaking slightly as you tried to focus on the words written on its pages.

"The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit."

Anakin hums in approval against your mound, causing a rush of vibrations to flow through your body. You squeezed your eyes shut tightly, trying to block out the overwhelming sensations coursing through you. Your grip tightened on his hair, pulling him closer, your nails scratching lightly against his scalp.

You whimpered, your body tensing up in anticipation of imminent orgasm. "Father, I-I feel it coming again." you managed to choke out between moans.

Anakin's hand moved to your entrance, two fingers slipping inside of you, stretching you wider. "That's it," he said, his voice low and husky. "Let go and let yourself succumb to His will."

A wave of pure ecstasy crashed over you, your entire body convulsed, and a string of lewd moans escaped your lips. Your orgasm was unlike anything you had ever experienced before—more intense, more powerful, and more fulfilling than any previous encounter. It felt as though the heavens themselves were opening up to claim your soul.

Anakin's tongue continued to lap up your juices, his eyes locked on yours as he savored the taste of your arousal. With a smirk, he stood up straight again, towering over you in all his glory. Anakin's eyes were ablaze with desire as he stood over you, his hardened cock straining against his pants.

"We're not quite done yet," he said, his voice low and raspy. "Stand up."

He reached down, undoing his pants and boxers in one swift motion, freeing his thick member from its confines. It stood tall and proud, glistening with pre-cum, its head flushed a deep crimson.

"Bend over," he ordered. Slowly, you stood up and turned around, your back facing him. Anakin's hands gripped your hips, positioning you over the desk. You felt his cock poking against your ass, and a shiver of anticipation ran down your spine.

Anakin's large, calloused hands gripped your firm ass cheeks, squeezing and kneading them roughly. His fingers traced slow circles around your puckered entrance before moving lower, teasing your wet folds. He held his member in his other hand, rubbing the head against your entrance, teasing you mercilessly. "Do you still want this sweet girl?"

You gave a soft, breathy moan of approval, your hips wiggling slightly in anticipation. Anakin's hand connected with your ass cheek, a sharp slap that made you yelp in surprise.

"Speak up."

You cleared your throat, trying to regain composure. "Yes, Father." you finally managed to utter, your voice trembling with need.

"There you go." he coos his voice filled with faux sincerity. "Now, relax and let me take care of you." Anakin's cockhead pushed past your tight entrance, stretching you slowly but surely. A sharp cry escaped your lips as he began to thrust into you with deliberate slowness, his hips rocking back and forth in a rhythmic motion.

Your hands gripped the edge of the desk tightly, nails digging into the wood as he claimed possession of you, filling you completely. After several deep thrusts, the initial pain subsided, replaced by an overwhelming wave of pleasure. Anakin's hands keep hold of your hips, holding you steady as he pounded into you, filling every crevice of your tight passage. Your moans turned into whimpers, becoming more desperate as he picked up speed, his tip kissed your sweet spot with precision.

"Thaaat's it, give yourself to Him, let him cleanse you." he managed to grunt out between gasps for breath.

Your hand slipped off the desk, accidentally knocking over a family photo frame that fell to the floor with a loud crash. Anakin didn't seem to notice or care, his focus entirely on claiming you, taking what he believed was rightfully his.

The tight coil in your stomach began to build up once more, and you knew it wouldn't be long now. You arched your back, your hips moving in sync with his, begging for release. His pace quickened, his breath hot against your neck as he growled out, "Cum for me angel, I know you're close." His words were like a trigger, sending waves of ecstasy through your body.

Anakin groaned, his hips bucking wildly as he felt your worn cunt clamp around him. With a final powerful thrust, he erupted inside you, filling you to the brim with his hot seed. His cock twitched and pulsed, draining every drop of his essence into you.

You collapsed against the desk, panting heavily, your entire body covered in sweat. Anakin leaned forward, his lips brushing against your shoulder. His cock slowly pulled out of your sore cunt, leaving you feeling empty and drained. He stepped back, admiring his work, his cock still semi-erect, dripping with your fluids. He extended a hand to help you steady yourself. Anakin turned to you, his eyes softening slightly. "Are you ok sweetheart?" he asked, concern etched on his features.

You nodded, still trying to catch your breath. " 'm fine," you managed to mutter, your voice hoarse.

"You did so good for me," Anakin panted, his eyes glazed over with fufillment. He helped you pull your panties back up your legs, his fingers brushing against your sensitive folds, causing a shiver to run through you.

Anakin sat back down in his chair, and motioned for you to sit on his lap. "Come here." he smiles. You tentatively approached him with wobbly legs, unsure of what he had in mind. He wrapped his arm around your waist, pulling you close, so you were sitting sideways on his lap, your legs draped over his thighs. Anakin placed a gentle kiss on the top of your head, his breath tickling your scalp. You remained like this for a moment, both caught in your own thoughts.

Breaking the silence, Anakin spoke softly, his hand rubbing soothing circles on your arm. "I want you to know something angel," he said, his voice low and sincere. "I would never hurt you, physically or otherwise. Our interactions are between us and God's eyes alone." You nodded, still processing everything that had transpired.

"If anyone ever finds out about today, we won't be able to see each other like this again." Anakin's hand tightened slightly, his fingers digging into your skin. "Do you understand me?" he asked, his voice taking on a threatening edge.

You nodded solemnly, your voice barely above a whisper. "I understand Father."

Anakin placed another soft kiss on your head before resting his cheek against your temple, his hand still firmly holding you in place.

"Good girl." he whispered.

Your eyes wander off and you suddenly see a cross hanging on the wall, the sight of it immediately brought an uneasy feeling to you. It felt like it was casting a small ominous and disapproving aura.

Uncertainty and confusion warred inside you, but there was also a strange sense of belonging and connection.

As you stare longer you feel as if it's judging you and looking at you as if it is not happy with what you have been doing.

You remain in his arms, you felt an odd mix of emotions, the sense of euphoria and bliss you felt with Anakin being so tender with you was overshadowed by the feeling of something not being right. You feel a tinge of regret for what you took part in but a part of you wants to do it again.

Maybe next Sunday.

#nai writes ୨୧ #anakin skywalker #anakin x reader #anakin skywalker x reader #anakin #anakin skywalker x you #hayden christensen #hayden christensen x reader #st4rfckerz

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moonit3 · 7 months

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HIHIHIHI may i request yandere loser x avoidant/introvert reader or yandere asylum psychiatrist who everyone adores? fem or gn reader pls thx! <3

LOVE UR POSTS!! ෆ。

I went with the asylum physician, okay? i found the concept of it so appealing (o^^o) and you will soon find out why of it! thank for your kind words anons, it’s make me feel better whatever i read that you and my followers enjoy my work!

A HELPING HAND

➥ warnings/notices: yandere, unprofessional behvaior from a professional, wrong use of drugs, set in a mental asylum, gn! reader, mentioned depression, reader is tried unalive themselves before the main story but isn’t explicitly, manipulation, unwanted touches from the yandere.

➥ yandere! asylum physician x gn! reader

➥ synopsis: doctor kyle isn’t most friendly person around, but with you he is the best person you can count with

a/n: enjoy this one guys, probably it’s not my favorite one as i felt too struck to give it an end :( but i swear it’s good, okay? i tried.

➥ doctor kyle is an enigma to everyone at the asylum. none one knows much about the man who uses gloves all the time and holds his clipboard like it’s a part of him. he is a mysterious to everyone who has a connection to the asylum, yet there is a thing that everyone who pays more attention knows, he has a favorite patient.

➥ a young adult who arrived at the facility just a week ago after a failed attempt is the favorite subject patient of doctor kyle. you are his best and most interested person to ever exist, that’s why you have a lot of benefits that no other patient has.

➥ you can explore the gardens after eight pm (only if you are with him), eat sweetie and food that isn’t from the facility (all prepared by doctor himself!) and of course, stay around his office to spend more time with (but only if you sit on his lap). he is a good guy, even giving you remedies that help you getting better! isn’t he the sweetest guy? always taking care of you when nobody did.

➥ his fingers always holding your chin whatever he is inspecting your face for bruises (did you get in a lot of trouble with the other patients or are you just clumsy?). the way he looks at your eyes always feel so personal, doctor kyle is someone that you can count with. as long you don’t mind one his hand getting closer to your thigh, doctor kyle says he only does this to those he enjoy have around, so you must be quite special for him as he kisses you when the two of you are by yourself at his office.

➥ his lips are so soft, yet cold when he presses against your, not letting you go away til he is satisfied. it’s your way to pay me for taking care of you for so long, that what he always replied when you ask him why he kisses you. people consider doctor kyle as someone too far from doing friends or apathetic to others, but they are wrong. he is the most clingy person when you are alone with him, it’s almost overbearing feeling his cold hands over you body when you are sitting in his lap, unable to move away from him.

➥ however you don’t complain much about it, not saying a single word of his behavior to anyone as you feel guilty about it. doctor kyle is doing his best to help you with the greatest medicines and therapy, and you were planning to report him? that horrible and if you even tried it, who would believe it? doctor kyle is a remarkable member of the facility while you are a mere patient that often gets bruises, but don’t remember how. so you keep it to yourself, trying to avoid his touches when possible and he didn’t like that.

➥ seeing you refuse his affection and often raising your voice at him is enough to show that you aren’t ready for rehabilitation, to leave the asylum, to leave him. that’s why he assigned you to another place of the facility, a private one where the only people will be you and him, there none can help you getting away from his touches.

➥ a room with no windows to admire the garden nor colorful walls like the one you had before, now it’s just the blanket boring wall with cameras in each corner and all of them can give doctor kyle a great view of you, his favorite patient. it’s horrible to be watch by the cameras all the time (unless the bathroom, at least there is some decency) and it’s impossible to cover the cameras as they are too high up in the walls. most photos that he finds cute, kyle print and keep it safe inside an album of photos just of you.

➥ with him being the responsible to give you the correct medication, there will be times where you will get sleepy (despite the medication don’t have that side effect) and you will fall into his arms. and doctor kyle thinks you are quite adorable when you are hugging his body when you are sleeping. too precious, too fragile and too naive to think the world outside won’t hurt you when you leave this place. that’s why you won’t leave.

➥ doctor kyle told many lies to your parents, saying that you aren’t getting progress and you managed to lose your life during a terrible accident between another patient. mother and father were devastated, crying till there wasn’t nothing. they asked if would be okay to bring your body to be bury somewhere else, but he told about the policy of the asylum. every patient or doctor who dies in the asylum, shall be bury here. of course, it’s another lie of him, but who cares? your parents aren’t coming back here anyway.

➥ now it’s just you and him, forever.

@moonit3 writings

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from-izzy · 18 days

Text

show you the stars | tbz kim sunwoo

“Why's my girl misbehaving today, hm? Shouldn’t you be nice to the birthday boy?”

pairing » the boyz kim sunwoo x fem!reader

trope/au » friends to lovers, (or should i say...) 'friends' to lovers, situationship (?), non-idol au!

genre » very suggestive!! (as compared to my other one), it's kinda fluffy uwu (everyone act surprised), a dash of angst, dom!sunwoo at times, sub!sunwoo at other times, kim sunwoo being whipped and sweet for you, but he's also flustered, he's flirting with you, reader is a bit of a tease and is confident, you're also flustered at times, sunwoo loves you and you love him (again, act surprised), finding love and comfort in each other after past relationships, kim sunwoo who just wants to be close to you

word count, estimated reading time » 4987, 18 mins

warnings (lmk if i missed anything!) » very suggestive!!, dom! and sub!sunwoo, mentions of unhealthy past relationships, a ton of kissing, making out, marking (teeth and kiss marks; reader receiving), pet names (baby boy, baby girl), reader licks cream off sunwoo, sunwoo licking cream off reader's neck and collarbones, sunwoo is physically bigger and taller, reader has medium to long hair, HIGHLY suggestive at the end, rapid proofread once

navi/masterlist!! 🤍

happy birthday to (one of) the loml 🥰

uhm...

yeah...

so!...yeah...

i'm just gonna go...

The delightful aroma of your hard work fills the volume of Sunwoo’s apartment easily. You've been chopping, stirring and sizzling ingredients for the last two hours, excited for the first birthday that you'll spend together with him.

To elaborate on your relationship with Sunwoo, you're ‘friends’. The explanation would give most people deadpanned looks, accompanied by the raised eyebrows that would follow. Otherwise, others would only facepalm at the stupidity that you both seem to obviously share. Anyone could tell that with the way that you both would drop any conversation that you're in or literally drop the paper cup in your hand whenever the other comes into even slightly just their peripheral vision, that you're more than the label that you both have decided to nonverbally settle for now.

Like your best friend from diapers would say, there's no way those kisses on the forehead, trailing down side to side across your eyelids, back medially down the slope of your nose, along the underside of your jawline, were things that ‘friends do’. Not with the way that Sunwoo would subtly slide his palm down from the comfort of your back to cup one of your bottom cheeks, smirking when he feels the heat radiating from your cheeks.

And for you? You can't help but feel the disappointment in your chest whenever he passes the quiet but rapid breathing of your lips whenever he bypasses them to work on that sensitive spot on your neck, sometimes whispering compliments to the shell of your eyes with that husky, low voice of his—but well, it's not like that anymore.

Friends don’t look at each other’s orbs and are so immersed that they say “I miss you” in the most dewy, honey-dripping voice. In public where they're most disciplined, they don't hold each other’s hands while walking, a thumb smoothing over the other when they’re just walking along the empty night street or the aisle of the grocery store.

Friends don't give each other their spare apartment keys or sweep them off their feet as soon as the front door opens, distracting their worries and other thoughts by locking lips with each other. You would never let any of your other friends carry you in their arms and pull the same blanket that they will use in the night over your body. In the same way, you would never snuggle to the warmth of the person next to you, kissing them a sweet “good night” and “thank you”.

But knowing the manipulation and tears from your past relationship, none of you could bear to address the looming label that others already deem you as. Sunwoo is too scared to ask too, going through the same thing from his past relationship. Through the healing of the break-up that you both had in your respective lives, came the comfort that the other’s lips would give, and he would chase that feeling from you over and over again.

You're okay with how things are now. You respect him and you don’t want to push him or the title that you personally want to have with him. For now, you decided that actions will speak louder than words and when the right time comes, you both will address it without the influence of the outside world.

Today is just one of those days that you use your spare key to use Sunwoo’s kitchen to cook up a little feast. The dining table is decorated with a vase of roses in the middle as you hop between the stove and make sure everything looks presentable. The light dimming system of his house is perfect for the shooting star projector that you aim towards a blank wall. You're satisfied with all the preparation for the main meals, making sure that the moment he walks in through the door, you can cook and plate it up swiftly while it’s still freshly pipping hot.

“Oh gosh,” you're proud of your efforts with the vanilla whipped cream for his cake. “I'm a genius.” You sang variations of the phrase to yourself.

Curse your horrible time management skills because the clock in front of you only reminds you that you have little time until the main key is used on the front door. The sponge cake is assembled quickly, with a thin layer of crumb coating and cooling before you make the smooth layer of cream at the end topped with some chocolate and strawberries.

You stepped back to admire your work, making sure the fruit was on the perfect slope and that the chocolate bar next to it complemented the negative space around the centrepiece. Your hand under the cake was about to slip when you heard the keys rattling from outside and you swore the fridge door hated you by how you had a hard time opening it.

On the other hand, Sunwoo could smell your home-cooked meal a few doors down the hallway. His stomach only grumbled in anticipation but his heart was jumping at the thought of you greeting him behind the door. The smile on his face grew, his overgrown bangs tickling his eyelids with his rushed footsteps towards the door.

The sweet scent of your perfume is what he manages to pick up first, and he remembers how his time was well spent when he was shopping for the bottle for you.

“I'm home.” Something that he has always loved to say, hating the lack of light in his house after a long day at work. His fingers were about to switch the light on but your shout stops him halfway.

Your body crashed against his before he could comprehend. Sunwoo groans a little at how his back hit the door behind him but his palms settled on your hips lovingly while your arms were wrapped around his middle, face hidden to his chest, nose inhaling your favourite cologne.

Chuckling at your small apology, his fingers raised to tug at the hair tie around your ponytail. He tugs down on the elastic, now savouring the scent of your perfume and shampoo. It left you goosebumps with the way Sunwoo massaged your scalp, his other hand untucking his tight shirt that he gave you, from your skirt so that the pad of his thumb could feel your skin better.

“Happy birthday, baby boy,” exhaling at the gentle swipes of his thumb on your waist.

“Thank you, baby girl,” trailing kisses from the top of your head to the side of your head. You tried to escape from the ticklish feeling but his arm wrapped around you, keeping your lower bodies flush against each other, “Where do you think you're going?”

You giggle at his lips down the side of your face, his breaths reaching the crook of your neck as he takes comfort there. It's only now that you realise the fabric of his material, is no longer the white collared polyester. Your heated cheeks brushed against the metal around his neck and Sunwoo could feel the start of your complaints from your deep inhale.

So he closes the gap and kisses you to quiet you down.

He ignores the little muted surprised sound from you, pulling away only slightly to smirk at you before diving in deeper. His palm grips on the curve of your waist, keeping you in control. He whispers for you to pull him closer by the neck and he knows the roll of your eyes isn't an indication of annoyance. Your lips danced between his, a hand over his nape to pull him down, your other palm cupping his cheek as you tried to control his hunger for you.

“Sunwoo,” Slightly out of breath, “What are you wearing?”

As if he didn't see the deadpanned look on your face when he decides to give your poor lungs a break, he leisurely answers, “This is the suit and tie of someone who decided to leave the desk early,” fingers hooking around the metal chain around his neck whilst simultaneously peering down at you with a raised eyebrow and a smirk, “so that he could look hot for his birthday and his girl.”

You couldn't deny that. Shamelessly, you let your eyes roam over the somewhat tight shirt that he has. His pectoral muscles are defined with the grey stretchy fabric and the silver accessory around him only made him all the more irresistible. Kim Sunwoo knows how to make you swoon, styling his hair lazily with his strands covering his field of view.

Sunwoo makes it known that your stare is invited, loving the attention that his special day gets him. You're looking at him so delicately that his smug confidence falters into a softer look. His lips form a straight line but the moment your eyes meet his, there's a deep resonating chuckle from his chest, a happiness that spreads to you.

“Let's go eat?” With an affirmative hum and a quick peck, Sunwoo lets your body go and links with your palm, letting you guide him deeper into his house.

As soon as his eyes take a glance at your work, he's momentarily still. From the tablecloth draped over his table to the stars on his wall when he realises, you remember his wish to make a wish to the star. He's always found the idea to be a bit innocent, unlike his relationship with you but the fact that you kept it in mind, and how his grip on your hand only tightens, tells everyone that Kim Sunwoo is ready for more.

He daydreams of a day when he would kiss you awake, and how you're the last voice he would hear before falling asleep. How you'll greet him when he opens the door and kisses all over his face and more. How he’ll be able to spend his money spoiling you instead of only spending it on himself. How you’ll be his number one and how you’ll be his. These thoughts have roamed his head for a very long time and he used to keep it in, hide it for the sake of not ruining whatever you two have.

But with the way that you would kiss his nape as a greeting whenever he would be sitting down in front of you, or the way you would sit down on his lap and crane his neck up to meet his lips with yours. How the heated sessions would only flare up more when he sneaks his fingers around the band of your bra, and the whole intimacy that you show each other—Kim Sunwoo is undoubtedly in love with you.

Besides the intimacy, it’s the things you do for him. Namely, it’s the view of his house right now and the welcoming scent of his favourite food that you prepared for him. It’s even more precious to Sunwoo as he knows that you do this even when it isn’t a special day. You have done this whenever he would hint how much he misses you and you would show up to mend his tired heart the next minute. It’s not just the kisses and skin on skin. If you stopped guiding him to his designated chair and looked back at him right now, you would see that lovesick look on his face.

Sunwoo offers to clean up the space whilst you’re cooking but you quickly refuse, saying that he should take a rest, even if it’s for a while. After a few tries, Sunwoo finally listens to you, sitting down where you want him to. He takes this time to admire your decorations, snapping electronic memories of his surroundings and taking extra shots of the wall that seem so much more inviting with the video of falling lights.

His eyes are stuck there, entranced by the view. You see from across the room how he readjusts his position and closes his eyes. Your heart swells with that, keeping the view of his head down slightly as he mouths inaudible words to the stars you projected. When he opened his eyes, you diverted back to dinner, happiness evident in your face at he appreciated your work.

While you focused on the pan, Sunwoo found a couple of metres gap between you cooking and him sitting too far away, so he took a seat from the other side of the kitchen island, the significant piece that separated you two. Soon enough, you pout at the return of the multiple camera sounds, this time louder and clearer. You tried to lean over the island to snatch his phone away and Sunwoo mirrored the playful smile on your face.

“Behave,” he knew it worked like a charm when he saw you flustered. Your outreached wrist from your attempt only gets caught up with him and Sunwoo draws you in closer while he leans in to meet you in the middle. The dim lights overhead set the mood more as they angle the shadows and highlight all the kissable parts of your face and Sunwoo swears he could kiss you all night. You watch the gulp down his throat and his stern eyes drifting to the knobs of the stovetop to turn off the fire. Kim Sunwoo is no longer playful like a minute ago.

You’ll admit that he sent butterflies fluttering in your stomach but it didn’t stop the tugging of the corner of your lips and Sunwoo’s eyes widening when you decided to turn off the fire but never returned to him. Sunwoo lets out an amused scoff at the way you cross your arms over your chest, leaning your back on the free space next to the stove.

His eyes narrow to you, a tongue poking his inner cheek at your sudden surge of confidence, “Now,” You watch him turning his body sideways, walking along the opposite side of the island towards you. He stays silent for a bit longer, letting you know that a question is coming; and that he wants answers to it. Copying your gesture, Sunwoo leans before you not even a metre and nothing separating you anymore. “Why's my girl misbehaving today, hm? Shouldn’t you be nice to the birthday boy?”

“You really want me to be ‘nice’?” You shake your head, finding the statement amusing, “You love it when I play with you like this. What's life without a bit of misbehaviour?”

The boy couldn’t even get a word out when you suddenly took a big step towards him. Your palms rest on the edge of the table, caging his figure. You purposely lean into his chest, eyelashes subtly fluttering underneath the still orange lamp from above. There was no longer a chance that Sunwoo could think straight anymore. Not with the way that just like before, you cradled the underside of his jawline.

However, your hold on him this time is different. It didn’t feel like you were going to pull him and have your kiss marks all over his skin like the way he would never refuse to when you asked. The confused lines between his eyebrows only deepen more when you just keep staring at him with a dazed look in his confused orbs but it’s then that he sees a glimmer of hope for the relationship that you both could share.

It may have been the light or it may have been the reflection of his own eyes or—and this is what he hopes—it’s the glimmer and stars in your eyes that you hold as you look at him at the moment. Sunwoo tries his best to understand your unspoken feelings but his train of thought is cut short when he registers the dollop of coolness on the left side of his jawline.

His breath hitches in his throat when your right hand hooks around his necklace and you latch your lips around the cream on his face. Your tongue swipes the food off his skin, alternating between kitten licks and long swipes. Your left-hand swipes the wall of the metal bowl behind him, trailing down a path that you would soon wipe clean. Sunwoo shudders, his light moan hitting your ear and his little whiny begs encourage you to keep going.

Your breath hitting his skin would normally rile him to put you in your place but all he could do with his lower back digging against the edge of the table is to clench his hands onto your mid-outer thighs to stabilise himself.

“God…” Sunwoo calls out when he opens his eyes to meet your daring ones. “You're so beautiful.”

“Enjoying this?” And he responds with a harsher grip, hands raising and starting to lift your skirt to your upper thighs.

The coolness of the cream, followed by your light alternations of sucking and kissing on his skin, and the way the air cools the area after is perfect and Sunwoo’s head tilts back in satisfaction.

Too bad you wouldn't let him because you finished trailing his jawline, stealing a kiss straight to his subtle, hungry lips. The taste of vanilla and the pressure of your lips makes his head light and the room seems like it's spinning. But now, it's his turn and you know it with the way he pushes you away with all the strength he has left in him. He bends down to wrap his arm around your mid-thigh that has crescents of his nail on your skin and he sits you on the countertop and slots himself between your knees.

Sunwoo’s eyes are darker than the night outside but it doesn't fear you at all. You're now the one caged between him but unlike Sunwoo, you knew you didn't have any strength to push him away—nor did you want to. You bite your lower lips when he starts tugging your left sleeve down your shoulder to have more area to work with.

“My turn, baby girl,” metal against marble is heard next to you and Sunwoo uses his pointer and middle fingers to scoop the sweet white.

A smirk comes up his face when you grow visibly weaker for him, your posture faltering underneath his dominating presence. Sunwoo held your chin between his thumb and ring finger and applied a thin layer between your open mouth.

“Take a deep breath for me.” And you did so almost immediately.

You soon found out that the deep breath is needed as Sunwoo not only takes your breath away by covering your mouth with his own but that he multitasks to smear the food all over your neck and collarbone area. Unlike you who preferred things to be more uniform and clean, Sunwoo loves how you squirm and whimper under him with multiple senses. His fingers traced the horizontal line of your collarbones first before he came up and around the side and front of your neck less uniformly; he’s getting impatient now. You soon found out that the skin he exposed earlier wasn’t so that he could have a reason to place his tongue there, he’s just hungry for more of you, wanting to feel every part of you, just like how his tongue pushes against yours.

You find his little huffs of annoyance endearing as he mumbles about how the lack of oxygen has him pulling away from him showing his love. In reality, it was just a few seconds, but every second without you felt like a lifetime to him. He cleans the last bit of cream on his pants and he finally detaches his lips from you.

Sunwoo straightens his posture, looming dominance over your wrecked mind and half-lidded eyes. A hanging weak string of saliva still connects you both in the air for a minute and his right hand wraps around your left forearm in place. You didn’t mind his sticky fingers that started to brush the strands of your hair from the top of your nape. It’s a lovely feeling from the adrenaline he gave you but he raises your heartbeat once more when he plays with the wind to your ears, “Tasting lovely, baby girl.”

Nothing else is said as his lips dive into the sweet trail that he made for himself. Your body reacts to the sudden warmth by pulling away, but his hold on your shoulder reminds you of your place to stay where you are. The same hand reaches to drip on his elbow for mind stabilisation but your free one pushes against the broad of his back. Your legs hook around the back of his thighs to feel him indefinitely closer. It seems like the boy has learnt quickly, especially when it’s from you because just like the way you made him see the stars on the ceiling, he made you see it but with more intensity and brightness.

Sunwoo loves unpredictability over anything, even though he appreciates how you value the opposite. One of the reasons he appreciates it is because he knows what to anticipate next whenever you both feel each other, and he loves the building climax. But you who is receiving his unpredictableness, can only curse him out whenever he tries something new on the body that he has come to be familiar of. The thrill of your groans and whines makes him feel in control and just like any other time, Sunwoo didn’t hesitate to plant something new on the curve of your neck. You sharply gasp at the way his teeth very lightly plunged into you but whimper louder at how he hallows his cheek on the area. From the corner of your eyes, you see the vein of his neck start to appear with his actions.

“You’re right.” He pulls away slightly to admire a part of him on you before diving again to properly clean your skin. “I do love you like this.”

Your lips are trembling in pleasure too much to string in proper words so you only whine to his acknowledgement. When one side of your neck is clean, he doesn’t bother keeping his touch to himself, briefly swiping anything that he can get on the way to the other side of your neck. Kim Sunwoo drives you crazy and your legs around his body tighten for another attempt to stabilise yourself.

Your jaw slacks when he bites again, this time just a tiny bit stronger as a response to your lower body. He lets you drop your head back, hand still on your nape so that he has control over the area he’s marking and maximises the pleasure that he can give. The tip of his tongue starts to alternate between the sucking and long stripes that you did to him. A satisfied chuckle hits a sensitive part around your collarbone area when Sunwoo feels his shirt further define his pectoral as you clench his fabric in your fist.

Ragged breaths along with a mixture of wet kisses are all that’s bouncing between the four walls. Flushed bodies and heated skin press against the two who are afraid to love again. You’re aware of his heart pounding against his chest, knocking on yours to let him in. The closer he travels down to your chest, you’re afraid that he will feel the pounding, afraid that your hidden desires may show through and be overwhelming for him. The meaning behind your clench changes in time that your skin is now littered with a different colour because of his actions. He wipes his mouth with the back of his hand, exhaling and stepping back to admire his work.

You do the same, chest raising rapidly to account for the lost air, taking advantage of the space now that he’s pulled away. Sunwoo couldn’t help the small chuckle at your pout and he wipes them away by granting you another kiss, palms resting on the edge of the table, trapping you once more. Your noses comically bumped into each other, still lightheaded from before but you enjoy the atmosphere that would always come along after the intensity you poured out to each other. Your legs relax between his figure and both your hands delicately cradle his cheeks.

The realisation strikes again: all you want is him.

Him and everything of him.

The thought of him kissing someone else churns your stomach and makes you green, even though he’s not yours. You didn’t want anyone else cupping his cheek the way you do, and you didn’t want to see anyone else next to you when you opened your eyelids to the song of the morning birds. You want to be greeted by his chest or hairline when he needed comfort the night before. You want his “I love you”s and “I’ll miss you”s even if one of you is just going to another room in the building. You want to be the person that he can always lean on for whatever and whenever. You want him to be the person that you can cry ugly to. The wishes filled your body as you wished he would kiss you like this forever with or without the title that you would love to establish.

You feel the clenching of your heart when you open your eyes with the final pull of the remnants of vanilla, greeted with the shimmering orbs that you’ve fallen in love with. Your eyes are stuck onto the smile lines around his face and he’s entranced with every single part of you, staring at you with the honey dripping from his eyes. The smile you offer him is bashful and slightly tense. Of course, he caught up to that, humming at the sight of your pretty head filled with worries. His thumb glazes upon the apple of your cheeks and you wish he didn’t just so that you could save yourself from heartbreak.

Kim Sunwoo makes you believe that love is worth it; that you’re worth it.

You wish you were more confident to tell him that.

Sunwoo leans his forehead onto yours, eyes planted on your downcasted gaze, “Hey, can I tell you what I wished for at the shooting stars?” but you only hum back, refusing to look at him, “Can you let me be the only person to touch, hold and kiss you like that?” There was a moment of silence as Sunwoo let you register his words. When it does click to you, your eyes shot up to his. A nervous chuckle is what he offers you but he doesn’t plan to take his words back, “It’s okay if you’re not ready. I’ll wait for you. But,” he swallows the anxiety down his throat, letting his face roam around your slightly confused face, “I can't stand the thought of someone else littering kisses all over you other than me.”

It’s genuine.

Kim Sunwoo’s eyes are different than any of the eyes that you once put your trust in.

It’s obvious.

“Jealous?” It was supposed to be more striking and playful but it turned out to be more tiring and insecure.

Again, he caught up to it and decided to carry on the narrative of your words with a careful tone, “You’d be fine with other girls running their tongues all over my face?”

The mention of your past actions started the multiple offences to his chest and the poor boy loves the flustered look on your face, complaints flying out of your mouth. In this moment when you both indulge in the comfortable relationship that you share, your posture relaxes and your hands rest on your laps. Shortly, Sunwoo joins his own there, fingers intertwining between yours and just like how he soothes the heaviness that you hold internally, his thumbs swipe across the back of your hand.

“If you do, I won’t let you off easily, Kim Sunwoo.”

You hope that he realises the real implication behind the words. Sunwoo’s brain buffered a little bit but soon enough, the straight line shape of his lips raised into something more. Along with it, his naturally mischievous personality also raised his eyebrows. “That’s my girl.”

You couldn’t help the giggle at how his face flush red after, bashful at the effect you had on him. Your fingers brush along the ends of his hair that seems to get in the way of his eyes.

“You should cut them or something.”

“I look hot like this though.”

“You always look hot.”

And there comes little shy Kim Sunwoo once more.

“I-Instead of flirting with me, why do you grant my other wish instead?”

“Oh yeah?” You lean back on the table, hands behind you for support, “I granted you your wish, shouldn’t you grant mine first before you ask for another one?”

“How about I grant them both at the same time?”

“You don’t even know what I want.”

True.

As much as Kim Sunwoo has been paying attention to you, you’ve always been the girl to never fully express what they want despite the encouragement from your loved ones that they will always stand beside you no matter what. An idea brews in his head when you lean back and he catches the glimpse of the white rays shooting out from the sky behind you. You know with the way that his tongue swipes along his bottom lip, mouth slightly agape that he’s up to no good.

His hand leaves the marble you’re on, drawing closer to the side of your thigh to your waist. Innocently, he displays his big, round eyes to you and his actions contradict them heavily. A few of his fingers slip past not only the waistband of your skirt but also the fabric underneath it. You thought he would stop his ministrations there but his other hand traces the same path on the other side of your body, this time however even though his hand did not go under the underband, the clip behind clicks open.

“You can’t wish for anything until I show you the stars.”

navi/masterlist!! 🤍

tags (send a dm/ask if you would like to be here or removed!): @deoboyznet 📢❤️ @k-labels 💙🤍 @k-films 🤎🎞️ @kflixnet 📺🍿 @sanaxo-o

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honeywiththemoneyloa222 · 26 days

Text

VOID STATE THE SPONGEBOB METHOD

So I’ve been thinking about this

Maybe it’s because I’m currently obsessed with watching SpongeBob

But I was thinking

What if we use the void state or

Any “L.O.A” methods

As SpongeBob characters?

Here me out,

Let’s start here

The 3D is Squidward

Pessimistic, unhappy very cruel

Definitely the type to think that life is hard or isn’t fair

Then you have SpongeBob

Who’s optimistic hard working energetic and determined

We need to be like SpongeBob

The void state and our desires

Is the Krusty Krab

No I don’t think we have to work as hard but I definitely think we need that dedication and maybe even his delusion

He thinks Squidward is his friend

If we treat the 3D like it’s not against us but with us

As in the 3D isn’t the enemy it’s going by based on what YOU assume

Assume it’s kind to you that everything in your 4D that you WANT is already here

Think of it as this

He goes to work everyday

Never misses

He’s persistent

What we need to do

Is be persistent like him

Like SpongeBob

Squidwards negativity hasn’t stopped SpongeBob from meeting his goals from doing what he loves

So why should we let the 3D or any one or anything stop us from getting our desires??

Where would SpongeBob be if he procrastinated about working?

If he absorbed everyone’s toxic energy

While he is gullible and easily pressurized and manipulated

The only traits of his we’ll follow is his persistence, creativity,determination and delusion

Because Squidward(the 3D) doesn’t know what greatness our mind consists of

SpongeBob’s creative “imagination” helps him see and do things others cannot comprehend

The bubble buddy episode

When everyone was questioning why he was friends with a bubble(who turned out to be real in the end)

Or that episode with the box

Where him and Patrick were using their imagination to create digital sound effects and make it seem like they were in a movie

Stick to your delusions until they’re not fake anymore

Like when his bubble friend came to life in the end

If we use our imagination

We can create the life we want by acting as if we already have it

Fame? Pretend you’re doing a Jimmy Fallon interview while you’re in your room

Singer/rapper even if you aren’t good sing in the shower close your eyes act like your literally Beyoncé and sound just as good

Rich? Act like you’re the epitome of wealth

Beauty? Look in the mirror ignore those pimples look at yourself the same way you’d look at your favorite model

Or say you are a model

Naomi Campbell is shook when she sees me

The 3D is literally a book

If you don’t like the chapter you’re currently reading

Stop re reading it

What do you fear? What the next chapter is about? Life isn’t coming at you

It’s coming within you

If you don’t like how your book is going

Turn the page

Or better yet

Create a new book

Kick out a few characters if they don’t resonate with your current lifestyle and mindset

Create new characters

You can change your tomorrow

Or even right now stop wasting time

Your desires want you more

Just open your eyes

Open this new book and get to writing

Using your imagination

SpongeBob Style💕💕

I hope this reaches people

#void state #void #loa tumblr #loa #manifesation #subliminals #loassblog #law of assumption #law of attraction #law of manifestation #loassumption #loa success

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voltronisanobsession · 7 months

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hi! i was wondering if i could request a percy jackson! platonic headcanon fic where like luke, y/n is also being manipulated and possessed by one of the evil gods and the group finds out? (also i’m sorry to go all teen wolf but she starts to act kinda like void stiles) ty!

Reader being Controlled by a God

NEVER apologize for going all teen wolf, I love this idea😍😍😍😍😍 when you say headcanons fic, imma think you meant headcanons but with a story plot🔥

I think this is a little more generalized than what I usually write

I’m telling you, when I finish heroes of Olympus, WE WILL HAVE A BIGGER AND BETTER GROUP OF CHARACTERS💀🙏🙏🙏

The change is a slow process

Not many caught onto your change appearances, those who did marking it down as an off day you had

Plagued with nightmares and visions, paranoia grows as you distance yourself from the group slowly

This god, you didn’t know their name or their face

The fear they instilled in you was enough for your confidence to break down though

It was like having a devil on your shoulder, it’s soft whisperings influencing your everyday life

You tried blocking it all out, but it was getting too much! You could never escape the whispers, even in sleep, which was way worse than being awake

Yet you didn’t dare tell a soul, what would people say! Would Chiron kick you out of the camp? Gods, you can’t be kicked out another home again, you just can’t!

You lose sleep as this god takes its hold on you, grip tightening more as the weeks pass

It isn’t long until you began listening to the voice, listening to it as it planted seeds of deceit and darkness

I think the one who would pick up on your weird changes is Annabeth lowkey

She notices EVERYTHING

When you don’t show up to breakfast in the mornings, she takes note of it. During training, she notices how you have this far off, dull look in your eyes. Like you’re there physically, but mentally somewhere else.

She definitely sees how you look at everyone now, a distrusting expression as you distance yourself from those around you

So when the girl tries approaching you about it, making it known that she’s worried for her friend, Annabeth is taken aback by your defensive aggression

“Don’t worry about it, its none of your buisness” you would say, eyes narrowed and arms crossed, shutting down any other attempts she tries to make

And while the others try to reassure her you could be upset about something else, one look at you and she already knows that there’s something more

You begin doing small tasks for your new friend

They’re small at first, pack a bag with a few necessities, steal some drachmas, your cabin mate won’t notice a few missing

You don’t even notice as they get a bit extreme, wordlessly following its orders to sneak into Chiron’s office and take some files, and to go into the woods after they call lights out in the dead of night

You’re friends grow even more suspicious and worried as you seem to creep around the camp grounds

They might even hear you whispering to yourself one day. What’s next, you would ask. Whose here? Hiding behind a tree, your friends would finally see that there’s something seriously wrong with you

Percy prays to any god or goddess listening that you just haven’t moved on from your invisible friend phase, but as always, nothing ever goes his way

This voice that first haunted even your sweetest of dreams was a familiar one that you grew to trust

They’re all waiting to watch you stumble, my dear. They’ll use you until there’s nothing left of you.

Join us, you’ll have me to guide you through the new life I’m offering you.

Your final task sets everything in motion, setting off every alarm in every demigods head as you walk past them.

With one mission in your head, you head towards the training grounds where Percy and a few others swung their swords at dummies

Taking the nearest sword, you walked up to Percy from behind, pushing everyone who got in your way

Speeding up to close the gap between you two, Percy’s instincts takes over as he quickly glances behind him and narrowly dodges your swing at him

He wouldn’t have any time to think as you continuously swing the sword you held at him, not once stopping even as he tried talking to you

“What’s going on with you?! Talk to me y/n!

“Do you seriously ugh- think talking is gonna get you out of this?”

Because of your sloppy form due to the wrong sized sword you took, you were taken down by the green eyed boy, causing you to scamper away from him

Heaving and looking at him with irritation, he could make out a dark shadowy figure lingering behind you, almost encasing you with its darkness

That’s it

It isn’t until Annabeth comes running in with Chiron that you make your escape into the woods, where they search hours for you, only to come empty handed

But you didn’t leave without leaving behind a small gifts

At sundown, three hellhounds were released into the camp grounds by portals no one knew existed

Just like Luke, you had betrayed them all, yet they felt that they couldn’t blame anyone but themselves!

The signs were there since the beginning!

It seemed that this god, a new enemy, had taken over your head, and your friends weren’t going to stop until they finally had the real you back🔥🔥

Cue epic music playing in the background

#pjo x reader #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x you #platonic pjo #pjo headcanons #percy jackson and the olympians x reader #percy jackson headcanons #headcanons #x reader #pjo #Percy jackson #Annabeth chase #annabeth chase pjo #Annabeth pjo

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unabashednightmarepizza · 8 months

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𝐵𝑖𝑡𝑐ℎ, 𝑌𝑜𝑢 𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝐼 𝐴𝑟𝑒 𝐸𝑥𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑙𝑦 𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑆𝑎𝑚𝑒!

Summary: A funny game that showed the Marauders that you and Sirius were more than just lovers: You two were soulmates... That knew what the other was exactly thinking in the most creepy way possible.

A/N: Another day, another me not knowing what I actually wrote so... Hope It's as fluffy as I wanted it to be.

Inspiration: this, this, this

People never knew how you and Sirius got along, yet alone dating each other.

It wasn't because of hard feelings, though you were sure some of the girls planned your death already, but more like... Curiousity. And both of you understood where it came from.

He was loud, way too cheerful, loved pranking people( especially Severus even though you and Lily told them not to do that), he flirted with anyone possible and he used to even bring them into his dorm and perhaps did Godric knows what.

He was the Casanova of Hogwarts and you were... Well, you were you.

Painfully so.

It wasn't that you didn't like the way you are, though you could get awkward sometimes because of socialising for a long time. You were a quiet one unlike him, professors loved you dearly and you had enough of a friend group that loved each other, you loved reading books and getting lost in them and even preferred to be alone most of the times...

You two were very different, yet those differences were what made you both love the other fiercely.

Because no one knew behind that flirting façade of Sirius, was a boy who just wanted to have someone's unconditional love and attention. Years of abuse and neglect from his parents' did that to him. Not everyone knew that even if he would bring someone, he would never bring himself to do anything.

Because deep down, he craved a closure. Love that slowly filled your every sense until there was nothing but that flutterimg feeling. He didn't want a simple hook-up, even if people often thought he enjoyed doing that. He wanted something precious, something worth fighting for, something long-lasting.

Something that made his chest burst with joy, something that would give him power when he thought he would never stand back up again to fight.

Someone that brought him simple pleasures, a simple life of just watching his love and himself growing old together and having a good life together, away from any kind of chaos.

And you? You understood him, the real him, behind that mask and slowly crumbled his walls. You didn't carr about his reputation and gave hım a chance, after witnessing how he followed after you for a month without getting tired and didn't even bat an eye on another person until you said yes, and then officially got together.

Then, much to the others' chagrin, he never went back to his old self.

And after that, completely baring yourselves our? It was pure happiness for both of you. Contrary to popular belief, with him being a Black, he wasn't a manipulative bastard as some others worried.

He was the sweetest person ever.

He always waited for you before your house with a giddy smile and kissed you good morning, his lips lingering on your cheeks or lips for a bit longer to savour your warmth with his hands on your cheeks tilting your head up bringing butterflies to your heart, before he gathered you between his arms and led you to Great Hall to have a grab of your favourites.

He always noticed little signs about you, whenever you got uncomfortable in the slightest. He noticed how your eyes would cast down and drop tiredly when your social battery went down and had to take a breathe away from all the crowd around you. He would always tap your shoulder gently and lead you outside and then talk about anything that came to his mind with a stutter.

He couldn't help it, you always looked so adorable and amazing with his jacker over your shoulders!

He never would admit it, but talking to you made him nervous. He didn't know if it was a good one or not, but all he knew was that he didn't want you to think of him like the others did.

He wanted you to see him who was serious about his feelings for you.

Because they were... They are the most serious feelings and thoughts he ever had for someone, and you were the best thing that happened to him. You were what brightened his days, what gave him hope for another day, the one who showed him that he deserved to be loved through your gentle kisses and tender touched every time he came close to you, laid on you even if it could sometimes irritate you.

That was because of your love... He didn't realize how you tried to be more touchy with him, but absolutely hissed at anyone who wasn't Sirius who tried to do the same to you. You let hım lay on your lap, rest his head on your shoulder, kiss your neck and tickle you...

But never did you ever allow anyone else to do the same, and when James cheekily pointed that out to hım... His heart stopped beating for a second and he blushed so fiercely that everyone teased hım for it for days.

Then he cried one night, sent everyone into panic as they apologized profusely as the drama Queen he was but that was another story

He thought back to that time when he met you, a beautiful and fragile thing as he... destroyed someone's face for daring to touch his friends. Out of everything that could happen that day, seeing his literal soulmate, the other half of his soul, was definetly not on his list. He didn't even think he would have someone that understood him and loved him, especially after all that rumors about him sleeping with everyone possible and the reputation his family had.

But he did actually met that person... And turns out, he was wrong.

And it came in the form of... A pretty human cheering for him as he beated someone in the courtyard for bullying his friends and assaulting girls.

"Yeah, from the other side, the right side! It's his weakest point! If you are gonna punch someone, at least do it in the right way!" The young adult demonstrated how he should punch with their own as they cheered for him, happily watching hım beat the shit out of that damned boy as everyone else was left in shock.

And when you came skipping to him with a smile as you gushed out to him and how cool he looked, he knew that he would do anything to get your attention for the rest of his life.

And now, he had been the happiest he had ever been as ever. His days were no longer dull and he wasn't that empty boy who played around. He was someone who dedicated his everything to his lover, a decent boy who loved his friends and lover and spent almost every minute with them.

And today was yet another day you would spend the night with him.

He and James sneaked you and Lily inside their dorm for a fun night together, playing different games. Everyone greeted you happily, making small talk as Sirius LED you to where his bed was.

After making sure that it was presentable and not dirty with some leftovers, not that you cared much because... Well, boys were boys.

Sirius' back was against his own bed as his legs dangled off from the corners, arms thightly wrapped around your waist as your back was pressed against his chest. He smiled happily and snuggled into your hair with his nose, making you giggle at his cuteness as you turned to take his face between your palms.

"Awfully cuddly today, aren't we?"

"When I have a gorgeous lover like you? No doubt yes, darling..."

He peppered kisses all over your face as you giggled and pushed hım away to no avail, after all, he was much stronger and bigger than you. You never said much about him smothering you, who in their right minds would complain about their lover showing them love?

Besides, seeing Sirius almost radiating with happiness was enough of a reason for you to be happy as well.

Sappy lovers, who?

"My handsome boy, you were so good at the match, I'm so proud-" you played with his hair softly, putting a strand behind his ear a she smiled when a fake annoyed voice cut you in the middle.

"Okay, Okay, Pads, we get it! You two are very much so in love..."

Sirius slowly lifted his head to look at his very much so agitated yet happy friend with squeezed eyes. You giggled at how adorable and silly he looked with his hair bonnet on, looking like a middle-aged woman. He would always fake offence and gasp dramatically whenever you said this, flipping his hair to your face before he leant over your frame and corner you.

Your breath would be caught in your throat, blushing madly as a sudden hot feeling would fill you at the sight of his handsome face close to you and his lanky yet strong body pressed to your own.

Usually, this often meant a hot and heavy make-out that would surely leave you as a mess and also make both of you late to your classes...

But not with the bonnet.

My hair is my second everything, love! You are the first, and my luxirous hair is fhe second, I have to take care of it!

He pouted a bit at his friend's teasing, putting his head down on top of your head as he smirked at his best friends who chuckled at the whiny James that got out. He didn't take what James said seriously, because he exactly knew why he was being like this.

He and Lily were still at that stage where everything was on a thin line and everything depended on him and how he behaved.

"Oh, I see what it is~" James gulped nervously as he looked at his bestfriend with hooded eyes, daring him to say anything about the way he was a simp for Lily when Sirius threw his arms to the air and he deadpanned at the black haired boy.

"You are jealous of our soulmate bond!"

"Soulmate bond?" Lily questioned as she looked at you and smiled sweetly. People didn't take her as someone who was into this type of things, but truth is, she adored the idea of finding someone just like yourself that completed you and spend the rest of your life with that kind of commitment and security.

"It's when they know what the other will say or do." Remus explained from next to her on his bed without taking his eye away from the glasses he was fixing and she nodded, turning her face to watch the couple and the boy she definetly didn't like.

"Yeah, sure you git... I'm sure you guys also know what the other thinks." He grumbled under his breath as you raised your brows.

"You don't believe us, Jamie?" You teased him back just as Sirius did, and he smiled down at you proudly and smooched your cheeks.

He really rubbed off you and he could cry at how cute and hot you were to hım in his eyes at that moment.

James huffed out as Remus watched his friends with a smirk. James didn't know it but you two trully knew what the other was exactly thinking, much to the fear of him.

He witnessed it once, when you gave every little object Sirius had forgotten as he listed them, and then his favourite treats at the same time he was saying how nice it would be to have them.

Needless to say, that day was the day Sirius insisted you were the one for him and he was going to marry you, talking Remus' ear off with how much he said the exact same words all the time.

And now, it was his time to watch a flabbergasted James at that.

"Yeah, I don't believe you lots! How can someone know what their lover thinks?"

"Okay, then! Give us a random letter and we will say what word we thought and see if they're the same!" Sirius raised his brows jokingly, daring him to do that as James straightened and silked his shoulders.

That was competition now.

And his honor was at stake.

He was so going to prove you both wrong.

"Okay, fine, then... M!"

"Man!" You both looked at each other weirdly before bursting out laughing at how disappointedly you said the word.

"What did my kind do to you?!"

"I don't know! It just left me like that..!"

Everyone in the room was full on laughter with amazed eyes at how tuned the word left you both as James' jaw was hang open but he soon, pulled himself together and said another letter.

He was going to prove that this was just a coincidence... It was one, right?

"F!"

"Fuck!"

"B!"

"Bitches!"

Both you and Sirius cackled as you laid on his bed sideways, his arm under your head while he was propped on his elbow and tried to control his breathing after laughing that hard. You both were shaking from the amusement of the situation and the shocked stares of everyone as they laughed alongside you.

Not James though. He couldn't believe his own eyes and ears at what was happening. What kind of witchery he was witnessing right now?

"D!" James really wanted to try his chance one more time, so that he could have at least a little ounce of his honor in Lily's eyes who was also laughing too hard while looking between their friends and into his eyes with gleaming green ones that left hım breathless.

Maybe, this wasn't so bad-

"Dick!"

"WHY DID I SAY THAT?!" You stopped your laughing as the room almost boomed with your laughs, Sirius looking at you with wide eyes at how fast it left his mouth and looked at you worriedly if that made you uncomfortable. It was no secret to you or anyone in the room of his atraction to both gender, but never did he ever say this out loud.

At least, like this.

Merlin, that's SO embrassing... What if they think of me weird? Or that I'm not satisfied with them, didn't love them-

But it only made you laugh harder and hit his chest in the middle of your laughing fit as Sirius looked at you in shock and tender love, his eyes watering slightly at how happy you looked.

Sirius always loved that side of you the most perhaps, if he had to pick one. You weren't usually a touchy person, very unlike him, but when you were comfortable and happy with someone, you would always touch them in some way and even hit them playfully while laughing at something.

And he was glad to be that someone for you, as you both laid together in his dorm, surrounded with people you both loved and completely loosing yourselves over how funny this whole thing was.

But the best one hadn't come yet, and as you both tried to lay back on your backs... Only one word left you two, which resulted with both of you loosing balance and finding yourselves on either side of his bed on the ground.

"nAHH!"

Both of you fell down the bed while wheezing on the floor desperately, tummy hurting from how hard you both laughed as Lily tried to walk towards you and pull you up as Remus did the same with Sirius but they both fell on the ground as you two rolled over, doubling in laughter. You pulled your legs to your chest as Sirius punched the carpet in laughter, both your friends who tried to help you but failed and gave up, and instead joined you two as well.

"Even their 'nah' is the same... This is not soulmate shite now, this is plain creepy." James muttered under his breath but still smiled at his friend's happiness, the wide smile over Sirius' lips being a first in a long time. He had never seen the flirtitous man so stupidly in love, so much of a "simp" for the person he loves as Sirius liked to call James as.

And he knew at that moment as you both held onto each other to get up with hiccuped giggles and kissed the other sweetly, that James didn't have any doubts you and Sirius had each other's backs for the rest of your lives.

And when everyone slowly drifted to peaceful sleep after a fun night together full of happines and laughter as you slept between your boyfriend's arms, snuggling to him with your legs interwined together, he squeezed you thighter as a lone tear slipped from his eye from happiness when you mumbled cutely in your sleep.

"I love you, Siri."

"I love you too. So much."

He was going to do whatever it took to keep this little haven, fragile peace he had built for himself. He would do his best to return the safety and love you gave to him to the best of his abilities. He would be someone who you deserved in your life and not disappoint you.

He was going to protect you and do anything in his power to keep his family, or people like them away from you.

He would get his happy ending, to stay like this forever with you.

He was going to make sure of it.

#sirius black imagine #sirius black x reader #sirius black x you #sirius black fluff #sirius x reader #sirius x you #sirius orion black #sirius black #padfoot #fluff #harry potter x you #harry potter x reader #harry potter imagine #harry potter #harry potter fluff

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furiousgoldfish · 5 months

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How triangulation works

Triangulation is a form of abuse, often associated with narcissistic abusers, which works in a way that gets the abuser what they want, by involving other people into the relationship. It will usually happen when you and the abuser are in some kind of conflict, and want different things; the abuser tells you what they want you to do, and you know you don't want this, so you say no, and stand your ground.

When the abuser realizes they can't persuade you, threaten you, force or pressure you into doing what they want, they go a roundabout way about it, by convincing other people to go and pressure you instead. Now how does that look like?

It can go multiple ways, they can come and cry to other people about how incredibly cruel, insensitive and selfish you are, not wanting to do this one thing to them, and how it's killing them, and ruining yours and everyone else's life. They'll often sprinkle in some lies about you, make you look cruel and twisted. They can come to your siblings, friends, relatives, family, and tell them something along the lines 'I know it's only right for them to do x, but they won't listen to me. However, they really value your opinion, and they might listen to you, please tell them to do x, it would be better for everyone.' This will make the person feel important and happy to be valued both by the abuser and you and to be given this important task of changing your mind, they'll become willing to do it. Or, if they go the crying and complaining route, the person will become annoyed that they're being vented on feel like it's your fault they're now having to deal with this. The abuser might also add imagined disasters and catastrophes that might happen, if you do as you want, and not follow their idea of how things should go.

This person, having been manipulated into thinking they're doing something good, will go and try to tell you that you're wrong for wanting to do what you want, sometimes they'll accuse you of being selfish, yell at you, defend the abuser's idea, pressure you, accuse you of being responsible for abuser's "upset" by acting this way, and will wholeheartedly try to convince you that following your own free will is a horrible, disastrous idea.

And for you, this now means you have to consider, and reconsider over and over again, if you have the right to make your own call, because now everyone in your life seems to be on the abuser's side, and insisting that what you want is stupid, selfish, inconsiderate, hurtful, wrong, potentially disastrous. This, of course, is not true, but the abusers want you in that spot, where everyone you know is against you and on their side, convincing you to just do as you're told, or else. This can sometimes create intense pressure and feeling like you're all alone in the world, like nobody cares about you, and that any decision you make will be beaten down by everyone involved. It can also make you pull down your own choices after having to consider over and over if it's possible that this choice could be selfish or in any way hurtful, and this is not how people normally make calls, it's something you do under intense pressure and scrutiny, which is there only because the abuser wanted it.

These choices can be anything from where you go to school, work, where you live, how you dress, who you date, what you buy, how to respond to others, what you do, how you act. Often they'll be about whether you give the abuser what they want from you, and whether you agree to talk to them or not. The biggest triangulations I've experienced in my life were done when I've refused to talk to the abusers, then they felt it was necessary to lie and manipulate every person I knew to pressure me into extending contact - and all of those people have been lied to, and have been brought to a heavy emotional state in order to do a crazy thing like telling someone what to do. Normally people don't do such things, they understand it's not their place to dictate someone's personal decisions, not their call to make in somebody's life.

This is partly what makes the abusers so dangerous, not only they're willing to cross that line themselves, but they're capable of making others cross it too, making their every whim seeming like a life emergency where all rules of freedom and privacy are null. This also puts you in a position where you're forced to doubt yourself, your every decision, and even your senses, to figure out if you could possibly be right, when everyone you know is telling you that you're wrong. They want you to be in that desperate mindset, doubting your own senses, memories, decisions. It's almost like a form of gaslighting, that everyone participates in.

Your choice is, of course, never wrong. You always have the freedom to make your own decisions, even if the entire world decides to attack you for it and to tell you that you're wrong. The entire shitshow is happening only because the abuser thinks what they want is more important than your free life and your quality of life, and they're willing to lie and push people into doing their bidding, just to bypass your free will. You don't have to doubt any of these decisions, because any choice you make is right, as long as you're the one who made it.

Being trapped in that space where it feels like everyone is against you, and on the abuser's side can be extremely isolating, painful and emotionally heavy. It can put you in a state where you feel abandoned and like you're wrong and evil for every decision you try to make. However, this isn't true, all of the people who are telling you that you're wrong, actually have no clue what's going on, and have been fed lies. Not that it hurts any less that they've betrayed you despite not even understanding the situation! It hurts badly. They've been naive enough to fall for a manipulation, and their moral standing weak enough to try and infringe on your freedom, and you didn't deserve that. They've aligned themselves with a person who has hurt you and is attempting to control you, and that feels terrible, like you're alone and helpless against a whole horde of people.

One thing you can do is point out how it's not their place to make this call, and ask them what they've been told in order to come and tell you something as inappropriate and hurtful like this. I can't claim it's going to work every time, but some people were taken aback when they were informed of some of the stuff the abuser just 'forgot to mention' when sending them into action. Sometimes even that won't make them back down, because it's embarrassing to accept that you've been manipulated into being someone's tool, and they'd rather insist they're completely in the right. It's a messed up game where you essentially can't win, the best you can do is stick to your decision and inform everyone who comes to pressure you, that you're not in fact, doing anything illegal and if they want to change your decision they'll have to bring out an army to force you.

Triangulation goes hand-in-hand with scapegoating, and will make you feel like a scapegoat. Even if a lot of people will fall for the abuser's manipulations, not all will, and this is not something that you'll need to endure all of your life, especially if you manage to cut contact with people who are easily manipulated – you don't owe them a presence in their life if they're aligned with an abuser. There are people out there who cannot be manipulated easily, and will stick to their morals and refuse to infringe on your freedom, even when told a bunch of lies.

#triangulation #tactics of abuse #psychological abuse #scapegoating #child abuse #emotional abuse #turning the world against you when you say no #gaslighting #convincing you that you're wrong with numbers being stacked against you #but they're fake stacked #nobody actually knows what they're doing when they're standing against you #flying monkeys

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carlyraejepsans · 11 months

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speaking of dr, there's something that really annoys me about how shallow the ship discourse around kr4lsei is. I'm not sure I'm 100% behind this for the same reasons i doubt toby will go full in with noelle's mom being abusive, ie "those are very delicate and complex topics to handle, does he have the time and space to deal with them in deltarune's story?" so take this with a grain of salt.

(warning for brief mention of incest, so I'm putting this under a readmore)

i think the discourse being framed as "thinking ralsei is presented as a romantic interest" vs "thinking ralsei is compared to kris' brother or like a family member" is incredibly stupid because those are... both true at the same time. yes, there's an unskippable "tunnel of love" scene, and it looks like ralsei could have somewhat of a crush on kris. but ralsei still 1) looks just like a dreemurr, 2) clearly plays, as a character, on our feelings and memories of asriel from playing undertale, as evident by their designs and their names being anagrams 3) i am 99% sure Noelle was going to say "that kinda looks like asriel" while looking at him eating cotton candy with Susie, and Susie herself suggests telling toriel he's "a long lost cousin". either way, if ralsei is meant to play on our feelings towards asriel, then as asriel's sibling, kris is likely gonna feel similarly.

are you uncomfortable? good! you should be. that's the point.

it's not random that the snowgrave route was framed and portrayed with the imagery of a wedding. first the freezering, then the thorn ring are explicitly compared to wedding rings. "we're just friends"/"we're something else". "YOU'VE BEEN MAKING [hyperlink blocked (...LoVE?)], HAVEN'T YOU?" noelle with whom kris had a strained relationship, whose feelings (platonic? romantic? we don't know) we brute force in what is the most chilling, manipulative, cruel iteration of chapter 2's story we could take... it's almost as if deltarune uses kris being forced into romantically coded situations they're deeply uncomfortable with as a way to showcase their lack of agency in the story.

and being pushed into romcom-like situations with a guy who looks like their brother works pretty darn well to follow that pattern, if you ask me.

now, if a forced romance with noelle represents their lack of agency in regards to the player, then... a forced romance with ralsei could represent their lack of agency towards Fate. The Plot/Story. unskippable cutscene, remember? not to mention ralsei's whole purposepilled shtick he clearly has a complex about.

this does raise a couple of questions about susie though, as the third option in the "who would you take to the fair with you" question, the one option kris seems to agree with, as well as being a character who is actively resisting the narrative.

because there's people who are very much FOR krusie, just as there are people against it, i doubt their getting or not getting together would work to represent kris gaining their agency back. and i believe i speak for everyone when i say that susie is going to play a huge part in that arc. either way, i'm curious to see how this develops.

idk! like i said, I'm not sure just how much toby is gonna go into this because it IS a very delicate subject. but it's an example of what i mean when i say "there's more to fandom than shipping" and "fixating so hard on Shipping Good Things" can be detrimental to analysis. I'm not cancelling anyone with this post, go on doing your thing whether it's kr4lsei or r4lsusie or krus1e. but if your first thought going into this was "I'm gonna ignore the part where the game compares ralsei to asriel because that would make my ship incest and that is Bad and uncomfortable" then... that's a very cheap way to interact with media? lol. sometimes being uncomfortable IS the point. god knows utdr makes you uncomfortable on purpose sometimes. ok rant over :P

#incest mention #entry log #deltarune #kris #ralsei #metanalysis

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touyubesposts · 1 year

Text

My Sander Sides Enlightment

You know what’s always kinda bothered me? Those mean takes on the other sides. Like ‘Janus is manipulating Patton and isn’t actually trying to be friends with him,’ ‘Patton has too much moral superiority,’ ‘Roman never learns,’ So on and so forth. There is something bad to say about all the sides. No hate to anyone who's made one, you are valid and probably right in your own way. I think the only reason they bother me so much is because you can easily say the opposite. The most common phrase being ‘Nobody listens to ____’

“Nobody listens to Patton! He was trying to show the others that Virgil was good all along and only when Virgil was gone did they listen.”

“Nobody listens to Logan! He gets ignored constantly and he’s getting mad because of it.”

“Nobody listens to Roman! Every time he comes up with a solution, he gets shut down only to get blamed for not coming up with a solution.”

“Nobody listens to Virgil! He only gets listened to when he forces Thomas to hear him, and he doesn’t like doing that.”

“Nobody listens to Janus! Even when he has good ideas and arguments, they get pushed to the side because he is a dark side.”

“Nobody listens to Remus! That was the entire point of an episode. And all he wants is to be listened to, it doesn’t matter who.”

And all of these are valid points. But at some point, you have to wonder who’s not listening the most. Which is how I think the criticism posts of the characters came to be in the first place. But I don’t think any of them are to blame. Even when this new side gets revealed, it won’t be his fault either. The fault isn’t on Roman, or Logan, or Janus, or any of them.

It's on Thomas.

And of course I don’t mean ‘Writer Thomas,’ I mean ‘Character Thomas.’ Throughout the series, Thomas has always held himself high. You can’t be perfect, but you can try to be. And every time a situation comes up, he doubts himself, wondering if he’s even any good at all.

And in comes the sides, telling him that he can’t be bad and here's why. In fact, Thomas won’t let himself be bad at anything. Can’t be a bad worker, can’t be a bad actor or singer, and certainly can’t be a bad friend. Even in situations where he wouldn’t even be those things, he can’t even let himself risk it.

And so, the sides follow suit.

Logan becomes the perfect person for knowledge and learning, never letting himself be anything less than right all the time.

Roman strives to be perfect physically and materialistically, coming up with creative ideas that help Thomas move up in the world or, at the very least, make himself feel better.

Patton is the perfectly moral person. Make sure everyone is alright, help whenever and wherever you can, and always keep a smile on. Wouldn’t want anyone worrying for you, right? That wouldn’t be good.

Virgil is the perfect alarm system. Even false alarms are taken with the utmost seriousness. Just as long as no one else knows your anxious.

Janus is a deceiver. And Thomas lies often. So he needs to be the best at putting on a face and making sure nothing goes off without a hitch. Wouldn’t want people catching him in a lie. He needs to be the perfect liar.

And then there's Remus. The only one who tries not to be perfect. But that idea terrifies the others so much, Remus is left to pick up all of the imperfection slack. Maybe that's why Remus was offended when he was called ‘Scary.’

Trying to be so many perfect things all at once, you’re going to but heads with all of the different aspects of yourself. You're going to not listen. You're going to ignore. And in some cases, your perfectionism is going to make you look like the bad guy. And as someone with perfectionism, I relate a little too hard.

Thank you for reading.

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lizzaneia-elizalde · 6 months

Note

Male Yandere Husband x Pregnant Female Stepford Wife Reader

(I don’t think you’ve done anything like this yet? So if not, think you can try?)

I want him to be a master manipulator, but really delusional in a loving/devoted sense. Believing that what he’s doing is for our best interest, as well as the baby’s. That includes confining us at home, always being with us 24/7 when we’re outside our home, etc. And generally getting us to be 100% dependent on him, (like we already weren’t heavily dependent on him before…)

Thank you!!! 💝

Yandere! Husband! Politician x Pregnant! Fem! Stepford! Wife! Reader

SORRY IT TOOK ME LONG TO GET THIS REQUEST DONE!

I got busy with University that I only got to write right now. I'm so tired lol

Journalism is... Something...

I had a hard time incorporating the yandere stuff with such a willing reader, but I tried LOL.

This one's only got two sections, since the both of you are married already, so it went straight to the yandere-ness.

But here ya go! Requests will be back on once more!

BTW, the master list is up now! It's my pinned post.

Yandere! Politician name: Maximus

Maximus.

Just like his name, he was the greatest Politician out there. Whatever that means.

He's charming, intuitive, generous, kind, and compassionate.

Every election season, if you ask people who will they vote as a mayor or whatever position Maximus ran as, they'll say

"Isn't it obvious? Of course it's Maximus!"

So it didn't faze the people that he won whenever he ran.

As young as he is, he's always been active in the political sphere. From the student council, he's always been in the highest positions out there. Secretary, Vice President, and President.

Hell, if you ask him to do treasury, then he'll gladly accept and do it much better than the current treasurer or auditor. No specks, no crumbs, a clean liquidation sheet.

And when he graduated as the University president, local parties flocked towards him to invite him in their political party.

So many choices for the great Maximus.

After many days of researching and finding out the dirt, secrets, strengths, and weaknesses of each political party, he chose a party suited for the straight laced man.

That, and that you were there.

You were the unlisted assistant of your father, who was running as vice mayor, and is finding a mayor to be with.

This was perfect.

Maximus has always liked you.

Scratch that.

He always loved you.

You were the daughter of a well known governor inside your city. Pristine, shy, quiet, and always had a smile in your face, everyone back in school liked you. You were the epitome of etiquette and manners. If parents want somebody to compare to their child to belittle them, it would be you, little miss perfect.

Both of you live in a small city, almost a town size. So everyone knew each other, and you both lived in the same district.

it's just that he didn't fly under your radar from how busy he is.

Unlike your father, you never joined politics. You just sat there, studied, did some small knitting projects or sewing. Maybe even drawing if you felt like it.

At first, Maximus didn't really pay you any attention, until he heard your conversation with your friends.

"What? Seriously?"

"I am serious." Your melodious laugh echoed through the empty halls. It was already 5pm, and only a handful of students are left.

"But... That's so traditional lol."

"I know, but really. I just want to stay at home, serve my husband, take care of our kids... You know, the gist."

"But, you said you'll do Social work, Home eco, or culinary in Uni. So what's up with that?"

You just smiled at your friends until they said "oh..." in understanding.

Those courses can help develop your home rearing skills.

"I mean, sure. If you're happy with that." One of your friends finally broke the silence, followed by "meh's..." "eh..." and grunts of approval.

"Thank you for accepting for who I am." You smiled once more at them and they gave you an understanding grin.

Then and there, Maximus became curious about you.

Maximus also had a traditional way of thinking. Not all women, but his wife should just be staying pretty in his home, while taking care of their children...

He knew that only a small percentage of people would be open to that notion, and he was fine with it.

It did made him feel lonely sometimes. He's always dreamt of a domestic life, but the woman is always a faceless grey glob. He just can't see somebody in his life who would be willing to be like that.

So when he heard your conversation, that night in his dreams, he woke up sweating and confused when the faceless glob greeted him. But rather than the glob, it was you. Smiling with two children who looked like the exact perfect mix of the both of you.

"What the fuck..." He breathed out of his mouth, shaking his head.

Now, every night, his dreams were infiltrated with you.

And that started in highschool, all throughout University, up until you both graduated.

Your paths never crossed once more, since he's in AP classes most of the time, both of you were on different blocks in senior highschool despite having the same strand, and he chose Political Science in University while you did BS in Home Economics. But he always peeled his eyes for you. Dismissal, lunch, even breaks.

His friends teased him for having such a long time crush, and he just laughed and waved his hand.

And when the both of you graduated, he's about to confess his feelings when he saw you talking with a man, with eyes so wide and filled with adoration.

He felt his heart break.

He was numb, standing there and looking at you interact with the man who was smiling down at you with a ruffle on your hair.

He felt irrationally jealous.

Wait, him? Jealous?

He never felt jealous.

Did he?

He doesn't know anymore.

All he could see is you holding a bouquet of lilies and smelling it while the man hugged you.

He wants to rip the man limb from limb, desecrate his body, and feed it to the alligators.

Why is he wrapping his arms around you like that? He never heard you getting a boyfriend?

And he has a lot of connections to know.

Then he scoffed, like a breath of fresh air rushing into his lungs.

He needed a break.

When did he act like this? When did he become so...

He doesn't even know what it's called.

He's always been a good man. One that doesn't know anger, jealousy, possessiveness...

But what's this? Feelings that stirred inside him threatened to spill out.

So he ran away before it would get worse.

Years later, seeing your name in that certain partylist, he knew he had to join it. Just for a one sided closure he needed.

"Hello! You're Y/N right? You went to the same... School as me!" Maximus said, leaning his upper body to meet your face. His face soft, gentle, and mellow.

"O-oh! Hello sir Maximus! I knew we did, but I didn't know you knew me..." You shyly answered, your thumb brushing against the back of your other hand.

Maximus gulped.

He didn't realize how much he is missing you.

His eyes scanned towards your desk and his eyes widened a bit when he saw the man once more with you in a photo, but this time, with your father and mother.

So, with his trembling lips from the sudden hope bubbling inside him, he pointed.

"Is that your family?" He whispered and you nodded with a soft smile of adoration.

"Yes. I love them a lot." You said, caressing the photo. "That's my dad, mom, and my big brother."

"Oh! That's amazing. It's rare to see a tight knit family nowadays. I mean, families falling left and right, can't people just communicate and--" Maximus rambled, not even caring if the things he's saying is insensitive. He was just so happy that he actually has a chance to woo you.

"Is that so? I mean, my family had fallouts, and sometimes communication is not enough. Actions speak louder than words, of course." You said, carrying the conversation further.

Maximus grinned before taking a seat beside you and talking about deep, familial stuff. With him sprinkling hints of him being a traditional man.

You didn't miss the hints, evident from the blush forming on your cheeks and the shyness emanating from your words faltering.

And he found it adorable.

Once you both ran out of things to debate, he held your hand gently.

"Hey, y/n, what do you think about going on a date with me?"

The rest is history.

"Darling, I'm home!" Maximus yelled once he got inside the mansion. "Today was a bit of a mess..."

Maximus heard an excited gasp and shuffling before he saw you waddling towards him, with a 7 month pregnant belly.

"Welcome home, darling." You greeted him with the smile he loves.

You took off his coat and hung it on the rack, before guiding him towards the kitchen.

"I helped cook today! The dinner for this night is lamb ch... Maximus?"

Maximus has a frown on his face, looking at you with such a disapproving look.

"Darling, why are you working in the kitchen?" He gently asked, caressing your belly. "You're pregnant, you need to rest always!"

You shrunk down a bit, sad.

"But I want to serve you again..."

Maximus' eyes softened at your words before giving you a loving kiss on your forehead.

"I know, darling. But that's what the chefs are for right? The servants too. I hired them to take care of you. Of us." He said, guiding you to the couch and gently sitting you down. "I don't want you getting tired. You're already being burdened by being pregnant and nurturing our child."

You nodded, easily swayed by his words.

"I know... Give me a kiss?" You asked, tilting your head up. He chuckled and gave you a soft peck.

"There. Now stay there, alright? We'll be eating here in the living room. You're already walking too much." Maximus said before hugging you and going to the kitchen.

Once he got to the kitchen, he grabbed a knife and threw it at the chef that was already cowering in the corner.

"Why did you let Y/N work?" He growled out, his eyes sharp, deadly, and authoritative.

Ever since you got married to Maximus, his protectiveness shot through the roof. He doesn't like it when he doesn't know where you are, he doesn't know when he doesn't know what you are doing, he doesn't like it if you talked to people he doesn't know personally.

He installed cameras, mics, and planted people around you that he knew he can scare into submission.

Especially now you're pregnant, he's making sure you always stayed beside him.

When did he become so twisted, from the nice, generous, and kind politician, to something like... Him?

"S-sir, the madam insisted on cooking for you!" The chef trembled out.

You were a rare type of woman who was so open to just being at home, and be the wife he needed to see every time he goes home.

He can't let you go.

Ever.

Maximus sneered and bit his nail, eyes sharp with thoughts.

"I need to drill in more thoughts into her pretty head..." Maximus grumbled.

You were already so willing just being inside the mansion, and so open to his manipulation that you weren't aware of.

He told you that you don't need to go out, that the world was a scary place for a wife like you. And that whenever you go out, you needed to be by his side.

He's already working so hard serving the city, and serving you is a bonus, and a privilege.

He's so occupied with taking care of the place both of you growing up, yet had the time, love, affection, and care to single you out and shower you with his attention. Why would you need to do anything other than serving him as his wife? That's blasphemy, and selfish.

He drilled that in your mind.

And you were so accepting of the fact too.

"If she insisted on helping in the kitchen once more, tell her 'what would sir think?', okay?" He spat out at the poor chef before suddenly smiling. "Don't tell anybody this, or else your family gets it."

He walked away with a triumphant smile and grabbed the food from the counter.

He walked towards you, and saw you scratching your cheek softly confused and scared, almost.

"What's wrong, darling?" Maximus asked, worry etched on his face as he sat down beside you.

"Oh, uh, I just..." You gave him your phone, which was ringing with the number of the exclusive nursery room designer he hired. "C-can you talk to him? I don't know what to do..."

Maximus shivered, seeing you so dependent on him.

Clueless on what to do, on what to say.

He smiled before taking the call for you, with his hand holding yours.

You didn't even start eating yet, waiting for his words to start.

His cute little wife can't even eat by herself.

How... perfect.

This was his perfect life.

With the perfect wife.

And he'll be damned if he didn't protect this.

If he didn't protect you.

So just be swayed with his words and put yourself in his palm.

He will make sure you are well taken care of, and that your pretty little brain will not hurt from thinking too much.

That's a promise.

#yandere boyfriend #yandere imagines #yandere male #yandere writing #male yandere x reader #tw yandere #yandere x darling #yandere x you #yandere fic #yandere drabbles #lizzaneiaelizalde

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 7 months

Text

Don't Speak 20

Warnings: this fic will include dark content such as dubcon/noncon, obsession, stalking, manipulation, reclusive behaviour, disordered eating, dissociation, and other possible triggers. My warnings are not exhaustive, enter at your own risk.

This is a dark!fic and explicit. 18+ only. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Reader is a reclusive loner who ventures down to the library on a simple mission. Her task is complicated by the man she meets there. (f!short!reader)

Character: librarian!Andy Barber

Note: Andrew is back.

As per usual, I humbly request your thoughts! Reblogs are always appreciated and welcomed, not only do I see them easier but it lets other people see my work. I will do my best to answer all I can. I’m trying to get better at keeping up so thanks everyone for staying with me <3

Your feedback will help in this and future works (and WiPs, I haven’t forgotten those!)

Love you all. Take care. 💖

“I want you to take this,” Dr. Kemp turns back to you, holding a spiral notebook with black and white cover, “and I want you to use it.”

You stare, uncertain as he crosses the room. Use it? How?

“You can write down your feelings, you can make lists for yourself, you can track the days…” he explains, “but I want you to put something in it every day. Can you do that for me?”

You look at the notebook as he holds it out. You slowly take it with both hands, lowering it to your lap as you run your thumbs up and down the cover. It’s brand new. You can smell the freshness of the paper.

“Can I draw in it?” You ask.

“Sure, if that’s what works for you,” he affirms, “that’s for you. You can bring it with you to our next appointment, but you don’t need to show me anything. It’s just there so you can record your moods and anything that might be a trigger for you.

“Oh,” you look up at him shyly, meeting his bold blue eyes for only a second before dropping your head.

“This is a safe place, alright? I want you to think of it like that. Everything within these walls stays between us. Our little secret.”

“Okay,” you hug the notebook to your chest.

“And I want you to set yourself a little goal every day. Nothing big, alright? It could be a shower, it could be reading a chapter of a book, it could be as simple as walking around the house,” he continues, “but you can’t stay in bed all the time. You gotta take care of yourself. You have to give yourself love and those things are the best sort of love.”

You nod and rock slightly, “yes, doctor. Are we… done now?”

“Are we?” He bends and crosses his arms over the back of the empty chair, “that’s up to you.”

“I… I think. I don’t wanna waste any more of your time.”

“Waste? No. See? Don’t talk about yourself like that. You didn’t waste my time, you enriched it,” he smiles, you see only a glimpse of how it brightens his features. “I think you should go home and get some rest. You came all the way here and you did a really good job.”

He pushes himself straight, “I’ll have my receptionist schedule a follow-up.”

“Thank you, doctor,” you stand and pick at the corner of the notebook.

“You let Andy take care of you too, huh? He’s worried,” he extends his arm, directing you to the door, “he’s a good friend of mine.”

“Uh, alright,” you murmur as he walks with you to the door. He rests his hand on the handle and you smell his cologne, rich but overwhelming.

“It was really nice meeting you,” he turns the handle slowly.

“You too,” you squeak.

“See ya around,” he opens the door, “and remember, take care of you.”

“Thanks,” you keep your chin down as you exit.

Andy sits in the waiting room at the edge of his seat. He grips his knees and stands swiftly as he sees you. He must’ve been waiting a very long time. That felt like it lasted forever. The tension in his forehead slackens as you approach.

“How was it, honey? You okay?” He asks, his tone slightly addled.

“Yes, er, maybe,” you answer, “I don’t know.”

“What’s that?” He taps the top of the notebook.

“Um, a journal.”

“Steve gave that to you?”

You nod.

“That’s very nice of him. Well, how about we stop and buy you some nice pens to write in it?”

“You don’t have to…”

“I have to grab a few things,” he interjects, “I kind of… fell behind. I haven’t been out of the house, you know? I couldn’t leave you, I was so worried.”

“Oh? What about work?” You wonder tremulously.

“I had some time banked, it’s really not a big deal, but I gotta grab some groceries and we can look at some cute pens…”

“Can’t… can’t you do it later?”

He doesn’t answer right away. He rubs his beard and exhales. “Well, I’d have to drop you off and then come all the way back–”

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” you blurt out as you hear his disappointment, “I’m sorry, no, we can go, I just… I’m tired, is all.”

“It’s okay, honey. We’ll try to be fast, how about that?”

You nod and hide behind your lashes. Your guilt flows over and chokes you tightly. He brought you all the way here and missed work and it’s all your fault. Because you’re broken and useless.

“I’ll… I’ll try to make dinner,” you suggest, “Dr. Kemp says I should set goals.”

“Alright, sounds good,” Andy softens, “we should get going before it’s too busy.”

🕊️

You sit in the car, fluttering through the blank pages as Andy drives. You should write about your appointment. Put down everything that Dr. Kemp said before you forget. That’s a good plan. He’s right, it’s easy to set small goals.

“Hey, uh, I uh, can I talk to you?” Andy turns down the music.

“Er sure,” you shrug.

“Right, um, I wasn’t sure when to– or how to– I don’t wanna upset you, you know that, right? That I wouldn’t hurt you?” He begins, fingers tapping on the steering wheel.

You blink and stare at the dashboard, “I know, Andy. You’ve… done a lot for me.”

“I wouldn’t put it like that. It’s not… I don’t consider it a task, but er, the other day, I wanted to say sorry,” he clears his throat, squirming in his seat, “I should’ve knocked.”

Your throat tightens and you sit back stiffly. Your whole body locks up as the memory enshrines you. The damp air, the hot water, him staring at you, at your naked body.

“No,” you utter, “no, I don’t want to talk about it.”

He’s quiet as he turns the wheel, “sorry, sweetie, like I said, I don’t want to upset you. I just want… I’m just sorry for bursting in like that. I never want you to feel unsafe. Especially with me.”

“I… don’t,” you sniff, “it was just… a mistake. Can we forget it?”

“Sure,” he accepts, “yeah, let’s just forget it.”

“Thanks,” you lean into the door, watching the traffic through the window.

Your body is covered in goosebumps. You feel like he’s seeing it all again. Just talking about it makes you feel exposed. What he must have thought about you. Hideous and gross.

“Here we are,” Andy says as the blinker clicks loudly.

He steers into a large lot and you peer up at the mall marquee. What are you doing here? You thought he was going to the grocery store?

“I got coupons for the place in here,” he explains as if reading your mind, “they just opened it, put it where the Target was.”

“Oh… I… never come here…”

“I think you’ll like it. They have everything– damn, not a lot of spots left. We’ll have to walk a bit.” He rolls into a space, “might be good for you to stretch your legs. We can always sit if you need to.”

You don’t argue. You feel bad enough. You won’t get in his way again.

“Sure.”

You get out and leave the notebook on the seat. Andy waits for you by the bumper and you follow him up the row of cars. You stop and wait to cross to the nearest entrance. The place is vast and makes your heart pound. There’s so many people coming and going through the many doors.

Inside, you feel a greater sense of doom. Shoppers brushing too close, teens speaking loudly in large groups, children screaming and mothers with strollers. Unthinkingly you grab onto Andy’s arm, keeping close to him.

“Hey,” he looks down at you as he leads you through the wide walkway.

“Just… don’t wanna get lost,” you cling to him tighter at the thought.

“That’s alright,” he smiles and looks around, “oh, hey…” He pulls you over to a shop window, “look at that.”

He points to the dress on the mannequin. It’s a nice shade of blue with the silhouette of birds patterned across it. Very pretty but you don’t wear dresses.

“Cute, huh?”

“Yeah.”

He stares, unmoving. You glance around. Where is the grocery store? You just want to leave this place.

“Come on,” he tugs you towards the entrance of the shop, “we can see if they have it in your size.”

“What? No. Andy. That’s okay. I don’t… I don’t need a dress.”

He stops just inside, “maybe, but do you want it?”

You chew your cheek, “I don’t know…”

“Look, you really don’t have that many clothes. I didn’t want to embarrass you but I spoke with Steve and he said… maybe it would be good to get you some new things. Like a refresh. Start new–”

“You said. You said we came to get groceries.”

“We did, honey, but I left this out. I was trying to surprise you. I thought– I thought it was a nice surprise.”

You see his expression fall. Oh no. You feel awful. You’re not trying to complain or be ungrateful, you just hate crowds and all these strangers.

“I… okay, it is nice. Andy,” you let go of him, “really, it’s so nice. No one ever… Amber always got me handmedowns, but I never…” you put your hands behind you and bounce on your toes, “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine, I know it’s all very new. I wasn’t trying to upset you or scare you,” he says, “maybe we could just look online.”

It’s clear he’s disappointed, if not agitated. You feel rotten. You remind yourself of all that he’s done and every time, you just whine like a baby.

“No, we can look around…” you try to smile.

He gives you a thoughtful look then peeks around the shop, “alright… well, you wanna try the dress on?”

You wince. You typically didn’t try things on at the thrift shop. You just picked things that looked like they would fit. The idea of getting undressed here, even in a private stall, is scary. Don’t be a baby.

“Okay,” you acquiesce, “I could do that.”

“Great,” he says and claps his hands.

He spins on his heel and you trail him as he confidently weaves between the tables and other shoppers. He stops before the dresses hung behind the window and sifts through the hangers. He slips one of the blue ones off the rod and holds it up.

“I think this is your size? I’m not sure.”

“Looks like,” you mutter, “um, I’ll… try it.”

“We can look at a few other things,” he offers.

“Maybe after?”

“Alright,” he searches around and flags down one of the employees, “excuse me, she wants to try this one.”

“Wonderful,” the woman chimes and takes the hanger from him, “just the one?”

“For now,” Andy smiles.

“This way, sweetheart,” the woman says as she beckons you with her long acrylic nails.

You follow her and Andy brings up the rear. She takes you around the counter and through a doorway. A row of stalls line the wall and she unlocks one with a key, hanging the dress inside. She steps back and leaves the door open for you.

“It’s all yours. Let me know if I can get you anything else. My name’s Isa.”

“Thanks,” you murmur mousily and she grins before strutting off.

“I’ll be out here,” Andy says as he sits on the bench.

You enter the changing room and close the door, certain to slide the bar through the loop. You turn and see yourself in the mirror. You flinch. You look down at your feet, refusing to acknowledge your reflection.

You undress then grab the dress. You pull down the zipper and shimmy it on. You strain to pull the zipper back up and fix the skirt so it hangs down properly. The skirt ends above your knees.

“Everything okay?” Andy calls from outside.

“Good,” you squeak and turn to face the door. You grab the side of the skirt, holding it firmly as you slide open the lock. You open the door reluctantly and reveal yourself. You clutch the other seam, “I think it’s a bit short.”

Andy looks at you. His cheek twitches as he sits up and smiles, “really? Looks fine to me…” he stares, making you squirm, “looks really nice on you, dove.”

“I don’t know…”

He nods and bites his lower lip, “it’s whatever you want.”

There it is again. Disappointed. You look down. It’s not that short and it is pretty. You could put a sweater over it and maybe some leggings underneath.

“I’ll get it,” you raise your head, “thanks, Andy.”

“Of course,” he says brightly.

You retreat into the dressing room and change back into your own clothes. You slip the dress back onto the hanger and bring it out with you. He takes it from you and guides you back into the shop. He stops you at a rack of jewelry.

“Look,” he grabs a silver necklace with a bird charm, “it’ll go with the dress.”

“Oh, sure,” you agree. Whatever he wants, you’ll get. You’d hate to overstep and you don’t exactly have a good sense of style. “Very pretty.”

“Let’s just have a look around, you never know… maybe find some nice shoes too?”

You nod and let him lead the way. As you progress through the shop, he picks out more things; some skirts, a sweater, some shirts, more jewelry, even some belts. He has an armful by the time you approach the checkout. You wring your hands. That’s a whole lot of stuff.

“Someone’s birthday?” Isa asks as she greets you at the counter.

“Uh, no, just… shopping,” Andy answers, “she needed a few things.”

“A few?” Isa scoffs, “I wish I had a husband who would spoil me with just a few things.”

“Husband?” You blanch.

Andy chuckles, “she deserves it.”

You notice how he doesn’t correct her. Maybe he feels too awkward. Like you.

“Sir, would you like to buy one of our membership cards? It’ll get you twenty percent off today’s purchase.”

“Hmm, I don’t know,” he pulls out his wallet, “how much?”

“It’s twenty dollars annually, gets you ten percent off every purchase.”

“Not bad, sure, why not? We might be back.”

“Andy,” you say softly.

He ignores you as he gets his card free. You watch the total mount as Isa scans each item. Somehow, this doesn’t feel like a favour. It’s just another number to add to the tally of what you owe him.

#andy barber #dark andy barber #dark!andy barber #andy barber x reader #don't speak #fic #dark fic #dark!fic #series #au #library au #defending jacob

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itsbeeble · 1 year

Text

If I (Lovin Me pt 3)

Summary: Jeonghan has made so many mistakes. He’s let so many things slip away, so many things that he’s cherished. He won’t let that happen again. He won’t let you slip away from him anymore.

Genre: Angst, fluff, College!au

Pairing: Yoon Jeonghan x fem!reader (featuring Joshua, S.Coups, Hoshi, Mingyu, and DK)

WC: ~6.7k

Read other parts: pt 1 | pt 2 | pt 3

WARNINGS UNDER THE CUT

Warnings: Alcohol consumption (not a ton though), mild flirting, Jeonghan is sad, reader is sad, everyone is sad, swearing, name calling (not the fun kind), a few mental breakdowns, the reader knows she was being manipulated and was somewhat okay with it (idk just read it), Joshua is flirty but like in a best friend kinda way, everyone knows Jeonghan and Y/N are simps, Jeonghan MEGA SIMP

Listen to If I by Seventeen for full effect

A/N: In honor of me reaching 300 followers, here is part 3 of Lovin me! I appreciate all of you for reading this and I hope you continue to enjoy my works <3

Our path, our promise to be together

Is already thwarted and you walk away, turning your back on me

It reduces to a single dot

It's too empty outside of that interest

I hope that that dot

Comes back before me and turns into you

“Have I ever told you how stupid you are?”

Jeonghan is sitting on the couch, head down and his hands tangled in the strands of his hair. Across from him stands Joshua, Seungcheol, Soonyoung, and Seokmin. He barely makes the effort to listen to his friends as they yell at him. He wants to say that he doesn’t know where those words came from. He wants to say he didn’t mean to say any of that, that he was just mad and didn’t know what else to do.

But that’s a lie.

He knew exactly what he was saying. Though the reason he said it is something that can’t be found, he’d wanted to tell you that since the night of the party.

“Are you even listening to us?” Soonyoung’s gaze is hard. There’s nothing but anger in his eyes, and Jeonghan feels the guilt beginning to seep into his bones again. “What the fuck were you even thinking?”

“Soonyoung,” Joshua, ever the voice of reason, cuts in. “Leave him be.”

“Shua—” A glare from the older man and Soonyoung shuts his mouth, leaving the room shortly after.

“Seok, make sure Soonyoung stays out.” The other man doesn’t really say anything, just shoots Jeonghan a murderous look before stalking out of the room.

There’s a certain tension building between the three remaining men. Jeonghan keeps his head down, avoiding the judging glare the Seungcheol obviously has glued on and the disgust that Joshua tries to force down and replace with pity. The two, having known Y/N a little more than everyone else, were rightfully angered.

“Do you have anything to say to defend yourself?”

Jeonghan finally lifts his head, his cheeks red from anger and embarrassment. He wants to scream and yell and throw things and hit the men in front of him. He wants to run out the door, find you, and fix things. He wants to do so much, but all he can do is bite back a sob.

He’d never been a particularly emotional man. He’d never been one for crying, thinking that there was no point in being upset over something from the past. His family had always been stoic people, keeping their emotions to themselves and never letting the public see them come apart. Jeonghan had grown up the same way. Jeonghan had thought that he’d stay that way.

Then he met you.

Emotional. Broken. Crying over dogs that die in movies. He’d been disgusted by how open you were with your thoughts. Disgusted that you showed your struggles to the world and didn’t care if you embarrassed yourself.

The first time Jeonghan officially met you was in the spring of your sophomore year. He was a semester ahead of you and had convinced himself that he was far superior to every other student at this university. He’d seen you in passing, in some classes the semesters prior, and had bumped into you in the halls once or twice. Never had you spoken. Never had either of you thought the other was important.

He approached you for the first time while you were studying for your Organic Chem final. You’d been crying quietly at the time, muffling your sobs with the sleeve of your sweater. It worked, mostly. But apparently, Jeonghan, from across the library, believed that you were far too loud and far too pathetic for his liking.

“You’re weak.” He stares down at you, standing at the head of your table in the library while you try to stop your tears. You look up at him, tears not slowing and a confused pout on your face. His lip curls, anger washing over him in tidal waves.

“Excuse me?”

“You’re weak,” he repeats. “Pathetic, really, that you’re crying over something so trivial.”

“Why do you care what I’m crying about?” You ask.

“Oh, I couldn’t give less of a shit about you,” he smiles, but it’s condescending. He doesn’t care what you feel after this, he just wants his opinion of you known so you can stay out of his way. “I care that you’re annoying as shit and bothering me while I try to get stuff done without listening to your pathetic blubbering.”

You’re shocked, he can tell, but that just means that his words will sink in and hopefully you can shut up.

Unfortunately, he underestimated you. And, unfortunately, he failed to see the iced coffee beside your textbooks until it was soaking into his hair and the crisp white button-down he’d made the fatal mistake of wearing that day.

“Who…” he seethes, “the fuck do you think you are?”

“Who do you think you are?” You snap back. “I didn’t fucking do anything to you, so why do you think you have the right to come over here and insult me? You don’t even know me you egotistical rich prick.” He would never have admitted it to you, but he’d admired how you stood up to him. How you didn’t bend to his will just because of who he was, what his reputation was. He’d admired that you didn’t even recognize him, although, at the same time, it bothered him to no end. Jeonghan wanted you to know him. He wanted to break that strong will of yours, no matter what it took.

Especially now that you’d dumped coffee over his head and forever stained his favorite shirt.

It was months later— September of your junior year, to be exact— that he allowed himself to let his guard down for the first time. At least, for the first time in front of you, of all people. Jeonghan, frankly, couldn’t help the disgust overwhelming every other emotion when you’d approached him outside his frat’s party. He’d tucked himself away, out of the view of all partygoers, hidden by the branches of an old oak tree. His heart beat rapidly, slamming against his ribs time and time again until he thought the bones were going to break.

A crunch in the leaves behind him and he flinches, tearing his head out of his hands to wipe the tears from his eyes.

He catches sight of you, and you him.

You’re wearing a skirt much too short and a shirt far too tight to be considered comfortable. You walked in heels far too tall for your feet to stay stable in, and he watches you wobble over to him. He can’t find it in him to scoff or laugh or mock you. He lets you sit beside him, playing with your thumbs and not saying anything.

You listen to him cry, but you don’t make fun of him as his family would. You don’t comfort him. He’s grateful to you. He’d never admit it, but he was grateful that you just sat there quietly.

He lets his head slip down and rest on your shoulder, and he feels you tense up. Jeonghan half expects you to shove him off, with how he’d treated you.

You don’t.

The next day, you went back to normal. He knew it hurt you when he started openly berating you again, mocking the way you dress and the way you talk. He saw the tears pricking in your eyes and scoffs. How dare you think that things would be different. How naive could one possibly be?

After your class together, though, he’d made excuses to his friends so he could catch up to you. They didn’t question him. They never did.

“Hey,” he called out to you. The halls were near empty. Most people were either studying or in class, so nobody would see him approaching you.

You turn to him, your eyes narrowed.

“Yes?” Your answer is simple, your voice quiet but clearly annoyed. He frowns.

“I just— I hope you know that last night changed nothing about how I feel about you.” You raise an eyebrow, and he goes to speak again, but you interrupt him.

“Why do you hate me so much?” He runs his tongue over his lip and shrugs.

“Because you’re easy.”

“I told her she was easy.” Jeonghan looks between Joshua and Seungcheol with this…distraught look on his face. “I told her that she was an easy target. Like she was someone that was meant to be used.” Joshua mumbles some curses under his breath and pinches the bridge of his nose, stepping away momentarily.

“When did you say that?” Seungcheol asks quietly. Jeonghan can practically feel the rage building inside the older man, can feel it bubbling up inside him and waiting to boil over.

“During…while I was talking to her. I told her just a little bit ago and— and I told her that a few months ago. Back when we first started this whole thing.” More tears are beginning to well up. He can feel them starting to roll down his cheeks but his body is shaking so badly he can’t move. “She knew from the start that I hadn’t given a shit about her. Why did she— why would she agree to that arrangement if she’d known I was just using her?”

“Because she cared about you, Jeonghan.” Joshua snaps. “Because even though she knew you hated her, she also knew that you felt you had no one who could help save you from yourself. She saw that you were just killing yourself slowly, from the inside out, and she wanted to help you no matter what it cost her.”

“Y/N?” A tap on your shoulder and you flinch, jolted out of the trance your econ textbook had you in. Joshua stands to your right, two coffees in hand and his backpack over one shoulder. You smile at him and he sets the drinks down, away from any of your papers. “I figured you’d need something to keep you going.” A pretty smile, one that would have anyone’s heart fluttering.

Yours wasn’t excluded from that.

“I appreciate that, Joshua.” His bag drops to the floor, and he watches you for a few moments. He watches you spin the cup he’d set closer to you, tracing your nail across the lid while you highlight any information that stood out to you within the pages. There’s no discomfort between you two. There’s no elephant in the room. You know why he’s there, but you also know he’s not there for Jeonghan. He’s there for you.

“Are you…Are you doing okay?” Your eyes flick up to his again and you shrug.

“Good as I can be. You heard what he said. I know you did.” He nods slowly.

“Yeah…” You smile sadly.

“I should’ve known it, really.” Joshua’s head jerks back slightly, his eyes narrowing at you to try and figure out what you mean. “That he didn’t really care about me.”

“That’s not true, Y/N.” Joshua shakes his head and you shrug again.

“Sure it is. I mean…I don’t doubt that I was a form of comfort for him and that he grew attached, but at the end of the day I didn’t do much more than that. I was different. I was something that he wasn’t used to, and he liked that. Maybe that thought somehow convinced him he was in love with me but that’s…I don’t believe he did. Because if he loved me, why was he saying those things to my face? Why was he…why was he so cruel?”

Your eyes are beginning to sting with the presence of tears, and you use the sleeves of your shirt to wipe them away. Joshua watches you sadly and curiously. You want to laugh. Only a year ago, you’d been in a similar position with Jeonghan. Him crying under that stupid oak tree with you watching him and not saying anything.

“I don’t know, Y/N…I truly…” Joshua inhales and sinks back into his chair. “I wish I could give you some kind of explanation for the things he did. He’s…he’s always been a bit rough around the edges. He’s only started opening up to us because of you. Because you taught him that it’s okay to feel things like that.”

“I didn’t teach him shit.”

“That’s not true, baby.” He shuts his mouth when the name slips out, and he waits for you to correct him. When you don’t, he continues. “You taught him what it felt like to love someone, whether it was romantic or a form of obsession. You taught him that it was okay to cry. That it was okay to want things, to need things.”

“I’m not going to forgive him, Joshua.”

“I’m not asking you to.” He leans forward. “I’m asking you to see from his perspective why he said those things. I know that it’s no excuse. I know he should’ve just ignored you from the start if he knew he was gonna speak so horribly to you. But he didn’t, and that led to both of you getting hurt. I want you to just…Just try to understand a bit more about him, okay?”

You dig the nail of your thumb into the side of your index finger, ignoring the sting it sends through your nerves.

“I just wanted to help him.”

“I know, baby. I know.”

“Why did he…Why did I let this happen?”

“You didn’t do anything wrong. He just…he isn’t the easiest person in the world to get along with.” You try to laugh but it comes out in a quiet sob. You raise your hand to your mouth, biting into your skin to keep yourself quiet, and Joshua moves to the chair next to you. You let him pull you into his arms, one of his arms wrapping around your shoulders and the other running up and down your back. In the back of your mind, you wonder if this is why Jeonghan is so cruel. He never had anyone to truly comfort him. He never had someone to smother his doubts and worries, to give him a hug when he was struggling. You can’t help but wonder what he’d be like if he’d received that love. Would he have been kinder? Would he have loved you the way he repeatedly claimed to?

You don’t know. And, now, you don’t really want to.

“What did she say?” Jeonghan is pacing the span of his bedroom, biting the nail of his thumb until there’s practically nothing left to bite. Joshua sits in the middle of the older man’s bed, legs crossed and body leaning forward to rest his arms on his knees. “Was she mad? Did she ask to see me? Did she yell?” A hundred questions are running through Jeonghan’s mind, and Joshua attempts to keep up with the ones that manage to slip out of his lips.

“She wasn’t…mad, per se?” He’s questioning himself before he even begins. “She was more, like, sad. I think. She was sad and confused. Just like you! Man, you guys are perfect for each other!” He attempts a joke, but Jeonghan just scowls.

“You’re not funny, Hong Jisoo.”

“I know.”

“What else did she say?”

“She…She was really set on the fact that you chose her, of all people, to use. But she also knew from the start why. She wanted to help you, at first. To help you break out of the shell you’d created around yourself. And then she let it go too far and, well, here we are.”

“So she doesn’t forgive me?” Jeonghan leans against his dresser and tips his head back with a sigh. Joshua watches him carefully, gnawing on his lip in thought.

“Not yet, at least. I think you just… I think you need to put in the effort to fix things. I don’t think apologies are really gonna do anything anymore. Especially not with what happened last time you tried to fix things.”

“You’re still not funny.” Jeonghan hisses. Joshua scoffs and sits up straight.

“I wasn’t kidding. Han, you’re on a losing streak in terms of apologies. Every time you even try, you make things worse for yourself and for her. I want to help you, but if you keep fucking up then I can’t! I won’t sacrifice my friendship with her because you decided to be a fucking moron!”

Joshua’s voice echoes around the small bedroom, and Joshua throws his body back onto the mattress. He knows he shouldn’t have gotten himself involved in the situation. Knows he should’ve stayed away from you in the first place, no matter how drawn to you he was. But Jeonghan is his best friend. How can he leave his best friend to suffer like this while he prances around, flaunting the fact that he’s able to stay in Y/N’s life and Jeonghan isn’t?

That’s cruel. And no matter what Joshua thinks of his best friend at this moment, he won’t lower himself down to Jeonghan’s level. Not now, not ever.

“So what’s the plan?” Jeonghan is laying by Joshua’s head, his legs dangling off the edge of the mattress.

“Plan?” Joshua echoes, his head turning to look at the older man as best he can.

“You know, the plan to help me fix things?” Jeonghan frowns. “You do…have a plan…right?”

“Oh, yeah, for sure. Yeah, I have a plan.”

You walk into your lecture hall the next day, and there’s a muffin and coffee in front of your seat. Just plain black coffee and a chocolate chip muffin. Nothing special, except for the bright blue sticky note attached to the paper cup. Your first thought is that someone put it by the wrong spot, that it was for someone else that sits near you.

You lift the note a little, trying to find any clues as to who this could be for. A name for the recipient, a name from the sender. Anything. Fortunately, you find both. Scrawled in messy handwriting is a note for you.

It’s hard to ESPRESSO my feelings for you, sweetheart,

But MUFFIN compares to you <3

Enjoy the coffee and the muffin,

I know you have a lot of classes today

I love you.

~ JH

Your second thought of the day is to tear up the note and throw away everything he left on your desk. Anger and confusion are beginning to boil inside you, but you know you can’t let it show. Not when he walks in just moments later with Joshua and Seungcheol in tow. There’s no girl hanging off his arm this time. In fact, for the first time since he’s met you, he gives a smile and a small wave. You don’t return the actions, just sink into your seat and lower your head so you can’t possibly lock eyes with him so you won’t have to interact with him.

Unfortunately, he sits down right next to you. He doesn’t say anything to you. He just sits down and, shockingly, takes out his laptop and a notebook. You glance at him out of the corner of your eye but look toward the front of the room just moments later. He’s comfortable. You can tell just by the way he smiles and lets himself lean back in his chair. He’s usually sitting up straight, eyes straight forward and lips drawn into a line.

People are staring at the two of you. People are whispering, just quiet enough that you can’t hear what they’re saying about you. You imagine that they’re shocked, confused, and a bit upset that he chose you instead of them. If only they knew the extent of your relationship.

You wish that you could push him out of his chair, tell him to fuck off, and leave you again like you’d told him to only a few days prior.

But you can’t. Embarrassing the so-called king of the school would set you aside as a social outcast and you would likely be relentlessly harassed for the rest of your time here.

Instead, you choose to push the coffee and muffin aside and focus on the lecture up front. You ignore Jeonghan, and how he examines your side profile. You ignore how your stomach growls and the smell of the muffin is growing stronger. You won’t cave. Not to him. Not anymore.

The next day, you walk into your first class and there’s another muffin. Joshua sits in the chair beside yours, and he looks up with a smile when you approach.

“Someone left you something,” his tone is teasing while he pushes the wrapped treat toward you. You scoff and push it back toward him.

“I don’t want it. You have it.”

“He doesn’t want me to have it,” Joshua argues and shows you the little sticky note on the coffee. “Look! Words cannot ESPRESSO how much you BEAN to me, sweetheart! Isn’t that so cute?”

“I hate you. And I hate him too.” You drop your bag and slump forward. Joshua pushes both items in front of you one last time and rubs your back comfortingly. “I don’t understand him, Shua.”

“Eh, does anyone?” A sigh from you, but no response. You’re too tired to deal with this. Too tired to care that Joshua would absolutely be telling Jeonghan about his success. You take a sip of the coffee and your eyebrow arches. You’d never told Jeonghan your coffee order.

“How the fuck did he figure out what my favorite coffee order was?” You shoot an accusing glance at Joshua who just rolls his eyes.

“I didn’t tell him anything. Did it ever occur to you that maybe he paid as much attention to you as you did him?”

“No.” You say flatly. “He didn’t pay attention to me. He hated me, remember?” Joshua grimaces and you turn to the front of the room.

The week continues like that. Jeonghan would leave a coffee, a stupid note, and a muffin at your seat during your first class. If he shared that class with you, he sat right next to you. He tried to make conversation once, his voice and hands shaking while he did so. He was so nervous to just say hi, and you were cold in the way you shot him down. He didn’t waver, however. He kept that quiet, relaxed confidence up. You were almost impressed by how persistent he was.

Almost.

Friday night rolled around, and you were already on your way to the Sigma Tau frat to meet up with Joshua. You knew there would be a lot of people there, knew that too many students would be getting drunk off their asses before finals started on Monday. You weren’t going to exclude yourself. You knew you had friends to keep an eye on you, but you also knew how to pace yourself so you could have a good time but not put yourself in a potentially dangerous situation.

Still, though. You were nervous. Nervous that Jeonghan would corner you again and try to talk to you. You were nervous that you, in your soon-to-be inebriated state, would find it in you to forgive him for everything.

“Just stick with me,” Joshua reassured you. “I won’t let him bother you too much.”

“I’d prefer if you didn’t let him bother me at all,” you mutter and pull your skirt down slightly. It was still early May, so the lingering low temperatures of winter bit at your skin and raised goosebumps in its path.

“You know that I won’t be able to stop him from approaching you. He always finds a way, baby.” Joshua squeezes your waist while he guides you through the crowd. Already you can spot Jeonghan laughing with the other guys in the frat, drinking some ungodly concoction Vernon had thrown into his cup. Seungcheol spotted you first and subtly shifted his body to hide you from his friend’s view. “I can, however, keep him from finding you for a little bit.”

“You’re an angel, Shua.” You smile at him, and he throws a wink at you. “So what has our friend Vernon mixed up tonight?” You lean over the counter and Joshua stands across from you. People bump into you while they stumble by, some people already plastered and others trying to help their plastered friends.

“Something with a lot of tequila,” he points at one of the three large containers, “something with a lot of rum,” he points at the middle container, “and something with a little bit of every alcoholic drink we have. Just for fun.” He points at the final container

“Ooh, sounds…” you make a face and Joshua laughs.

“I know. But, you know Vernon, he likes experimenting.”

“I’ll bet.” You drum your fingers on the counter and point at the first container. “I’ll start with some of that…mixture?”

“Coming right up, babe.” Joshua grabs a cup for you and starts to get your drink. Both of you make a face at the odd red liquid that pours out, but your friend is quick to sniff it and take a small sip. “Good news, it isn’t poison!”

You take the cup from his hand and take a sip as well. A grimace passes over your face almost immediately.

“Bad news,” you clear your throat, “I’m gonna be absolutely off the walls from whatever he put in this.”

“Wasn’t that your goal?” Joshua comes up beside you again, that pretty smile of his making you blush a little bit. Under the purple lights, however, it’s nearly impossible to see the redness in your cheeks.

“You ask a lot of questions, Shua.”

“And yet you still give me the answers I want.” You shove his arm, but he hardly budges from his spot. He just smiles and laughs at your annoyed pout, and guides you back to where the crowd is growing thicker. Jeonghan sees you now, you know he does. His eyes are practically locked on you, his mouth practically hanging open. You see Seungcheol mouthing an apology from across the room, and you nod to acknowledge it.

You figured he’d find you at some point, you just didn’t think it would be so soon. You thought you would at least be tipsy. You hoped you would have been drunk.

But no.

You’re stone-cold sober, and he’s staring at you with this longing look in his eyes. You look away first, and Joshua frowns.

“He found you?”

“Yeah.”

“Surprised he didn’t immediately come over here and start kissing your feet and begging you for forgiveness.” You both watch a girl approach Jeonghan, and Joshua gasps loudly when he pushes the girl away. You can tell Jeonghan said something harsh to her, just based on the way she quickly runs back in the direction she came from to hide in her group of friends.

“Jesus, that was cold,” you remark. Joshua hums.

“I told you, he isn’t interested in anyone else but you.”

“Not this again, Shua.” You groan and let your head fall back.

“I’m just saying—”

“Just stop! It isn’t…I won’t do this again!” Joshua stands his ground this time, staring down at you with stern eyes and crossed arms.

“I’m not saying that you need to forgive him immediately and start fucking him again.” You scowl.

“Then what do you want me to do, Shua?”

“I want you to just…start over? I guess? Just start over with him. Reintroduce yourselves, and forget your whole history together. Start as friends, or fucking date, or whatever works for you. Just…just don’t do this shit where you guys— and not just you, because this wasn’t your fault. I don’t want you to think I’m blaming you because I’m not— just don’t force us all to choose between you and him, because that would end up hurting more people than necessary. I don’t care if you talk and decide to be anything to each other, just don’t let this go any farther.”

The lights have become blinding, the music deafening. A headache is beginning to form, creating an ache behind your eyes. You lost sight of Joshua hours ago, although you don’t doubt he’s with the other boys in the frat. Odds are, he’s gotten himself drunk and forgotten all about his promise to not leave you alone. You don’t mind though, you’ve grown comfortable in your little corner of the room, out of sight and away from the eyes of the other partygoers. Your plans of getting drunk are long forgotten, now thinking too hard about what Joshua told you.

“Have you seen Jeonghan?” Mingyu stands in front of you, a drink in his hand and his teeth gnawing on his lip.

“No, not since earlier. Why?” You look up at Mingyu, your lips twisted into a puzzled frown.

“He’s been missing for, like, an hour. Nobody’s seen him apparently. Figured I’d ask you since you’d been staring at him for three hours.” You scoff at the comment and cross your arms.

“I wasn’t staring at him.”

“Oh, I’m sure.” Mingyu nods as if he believes you, but you know good and well that he doesn’t, and he doesn’t really care either. “Anyway, last we heard is that he was drunk off his ass and trying to talk to you, I think. I dunno. Something about a mental breakdown?”

Your throat began to close, but you forced yourself to speak again.

“I have no idea where he is, Mingyu, and I don’t plan on searching for him.” That’s a lie. You both know it just based on the way your eyes flick toward the back door and your teeth gnaw on the corner of your lip. A small, almost pitying smile crosses the tall frat boy’s lips.

“Well, if you see him, tell him that we’re waiting for him to play pong.”

“Will do.” He tries to slip through the crowd, but his bulky frame bumps into several different guests, which causes him to spew out a variety of different apologies until he makes it to the dirty plastic table that had been set up on the other side of the room.

You know you shouldn’t find him. Every instinct in you is screaming for you to just stay where you are, find Joshua, or just leave the house. But a small piece of you, something so minuscule you almost don’t feel it, is asking you to please find him. Make sure he’s okay. Don’t let him suffer on his own again as if you hadn’t been suffering on your own for months. Years, even.

You stare down at the drink in your cup, the ice in it now melted to create a watered-down tequila mixture. You know you won’t drink it. Know that it won’t do anything to provide you with the courage you need to do this.

The music is muffled now that you’re outside, but your ears are ringing from the sudden change in noise level. You’re shocked to see no one out here. Usually, there’s a bit of a crowd trying to escape the noise and have a quiet conversation. You’d think that more would be out here just to enjoy the weather after a brutally cold winter.

But there’s no one.

Probably ideal for the conversation you’re about to have.

You inhale quietly, staring at the oak tree that’s barely twenty feet from where you stand. The branches have begun to grow leaves, shielding anyone who might be under it. Shielding Jeonghan, who you know is tucked behind the trunk and isolating himself. That’s what the two of you would always do if you wanted to get away from the noise. One of you would sneak out of the house, out of the view of the guests, and tuck yourselves behind the tree. The other would join a few minutes after. It didn’t matter which of you wanted to leave, somehow both of you ended up under the tree at the end of every party, waiting for everyone to go home or go to bed.

“Jeonghan?” Your voice comes out quieter than you intend it to, but it’s enough to get his attention. You see his head lean to the side, almost laying completely on his shoulder. His dark strands of hair fall to one side of his head, a shine catching on them from the lights of the house. “What are you doing out here?”

“Getting away from the party.” His voice isn’t slurred, which is a good sign. He’s probably had a few drinks but nothing to keep him from talking to you. “Too loud in there these days. They’re gonna go deaf.”

“They’ll be fine. Are you okay?” You don’t sit beside him. You don’t make any moves to be anywhere but five feet in front of him, rocking back and forth on the balls of your feet. You wait for the discomfort of the situation to set in, but it doesn’t.

Not yet, anyway.

“Peachy.” You can see a cup of something next to him, pressed between two large tree roots. “You?” He doesn’t look at you. Not in the eyes, anyway. He’s scanning your body from head to toe, likely trying to figure out if you’re actually with him.

“Let’s get you back inside. The boys want to play pong and they need you in there.” You avoid the simple question. When you look at him again, he looks…sad. Broken, really. You stick your hand out for him to take, and he looks at it with furrowed eyebrows.

You stay like that for a few moments. He sits against the trunk of the tree, staring at your outstretched hand thoughtfully. You stand a few feet away from him, your arm beginning to ache and the air beginning to bite at your skin.

“Remember the first thing I said to you?” He finally asks. You drop your hand and sigh.

“You called me pathetic.”

“I called you weak.” he corrects. “There’s a difference.”

“Not a big one.” He rolls his eyes.

“Do you know why I said that?” Your heart is beginning to ache. You know he’s going to tell you all the reasons he hated you as if you weren’t aware of them already. “Because I was jealous of you.”

“You were jealous?” Your nose scrunches and you move closer to him, out of pure curiosity. He watches you take a seat next to him, flinches when your arms brush together. “Why?”

“Because you were everything I wasn’t.”

“Right, because you weren’t free to feel things.” Your neck cracks when you turn to look at him. Jeonghan laughs and nods.

“I guess so, if you wanna make me sound like a robot.”

“You might as well be.”

“Don’t be rude.”

“I think I’ve earned this.” He goes quiet, and you wonder if you’ve said the wrong thing. If you took it a step further than you should have, and now he’s going to hate you and your whole friend group will be forced to pick sides, just like Joshua said would happen.

“You think too much,” he’s looking at you now and when you lock eyes, he doesn’t look away.

“Maybe.”

“I always kinda liked that about you. The way you think about everything. But sometimes you think too much, and you get lost down this rabbit hole that no one can pull you out of.”

“I mean if you put it like that…”

“Don’t go thinking on me now,” he nudges you and you smile. “Don’t wanna have a conversation with a brick wall.”

“Oh ha ha,” you pick at the skin around your thumbnail and lean your head against the bark of the tree. “Isn’t it weird how…even with everything that happened, you’re still the person I’m most comfortable with?”

“What about Joshua?” Jeonghan sounds bitter, but you know he isn’t. He knows you would never like Joshua, at least not how you like him.

“Nah, he doesn’t get me like you do.”

“Careful now, you almost sound like you love me.” still. You almost sound like you love me still. You know that’s what he wants to say, with the way he cuts himself off like he was punched in the gut. The way his eyes water just slightly, and when the light hits them just right it looks like they’re shining brighter than the stars above the two of you.

“Oh, wouldn’t that be a scandal?” Your voice is soft now, and neither of you laughs this time. There’s a sad cloud floating above you two, waiting to pour down rain and drench the two of you.

“I really am sorry, sweetheart.” Your heart swells when he says that. Your throat closes up once more and you have to take a moment before you speak. “I didn’t mean anything that I said to you that day.”

“You did, though.” He opens his mouth to argue but you place your hand on his knee to stop him. “You did mean it, you just…didn’t exactly intend to say it. Yes, it hurt to hear it out loud for the first time. Yes, I hate you for saying it and confirming what I already knew. But…it isn’t necessarily your fault. I mean, it is, but also it isn’t. You can’t help that you were raised like that. You can’t help that you resented me for being able to feel what you wanted to. You didn’t…you didn’t receive the same love as I did when I was growing up, and that isn’t your fault. What is your fault is how…you didn’t tell me anything. I had to find out from people around us why you hated me so much. I had to find out from Joshua that…that you did love me, you just didn’t know how to show it or prove it.”

“I know, sweetheart, and I’m so sorry.” A tear slips from his eye and you smile when you wipe it away. Your hand lingers, and he presses his cheek into your palm. You feel him exhale a warm breath of air and his eyes shut.

“I know you are. And I want to forgive you, Hannie, I do. It’s just…it’s going to take some time.”

“I know,” he place his hand over yours and squeezes lightly. “I know it will.”

A comfortable silence washes over you, and you feel a cold breeze wash over your skin. Your body trembles from the cold and Jeonghan frowns at you.

“Why didn’t you bring a jacket?”

“To be fair, I thought I’d be inside the whole time and it gets very warm in there.” Jeonghan scoffs and starts to remove his jacket, despite your quiet protests.

“You need to start bringing a sweatshirt or something to keep you warm. You know we come out here a lot, so why didn’t you think of this?” He scolds you, forcing you to slip your arms into his jacket while he does. It’s a few sizes too big for you and the sleeves go fast past your hands, but you don’t mind. It’s warm, and comforting, and honestly you might not return it to him.

“I’m sorry.” You lean your head on his shoulder, and he stiffens for a moment. “I’m sorry for not understanding.”

“You have nothing to apologize for, sweetheart. You did nothing wrong. Your lack of understanding is my fault, and mine alone. I didn’t…I just didn’t trust you enough, which I see was a mistake.” His hand rises to touch the back of your head, his fingers rubbing where your hair has been tied and relieving the ache that had begun to form. You feel him starting to relax against you, his shoulders sinking and his legs slipping down to lay flat across the grass. You hear a door open behind you, and a few laughs. On instinct, you start to pull away, but Jeonghan’s grip tightens, keeping you secured to him.

You expect him to make a comment. You almost want him to.

Instead he looks toward the sky, partially blocked by the low-hanging branches and smiles.

“The stars are pretty tonight, aren’t they?” You lift your head to look at him. He keeps his eyes facing forward, but the hand he has in your hair slips down to your shoulder and he draws you into him.

You smile before you respond.

“Yeah, I guess they are.”

If we can walk this path together again

I want to hold your hands and give you warmth

If I hold your cheeks with warmed hands

Will you smile again for me?

TAGLIST: @woofie-nctzen-fanarts-320 @dearlyjin @joenghaniee @mikachu-chu @listxn @youre-on-your-ownkid @ti--red @springdaybreaks @momoxxchewz @rum-gone-why @everyoneluvscheol @dr3aluv5 @shiningstar-byulxx @preets-kpop-world @fragmentof-indifference @stfuayu @fanfic24

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animeyanderelover · 4 months

Text

Tags: @shumidehiro @leveyani @izanami78

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy relationship, toxic relationship, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, stalking, manipulation, gaslighting, sadism, paranoia, co-dependency, threats, blackmailing, isolation, abduction, death

Yandere Bungou Stray Dogs Hc’s

Jouno Saigiku

♦️Jouno may not be able to see but as a compensation for his lack of vision, he is able to pick up on so much more than the average human. He can read someone's emotions based on their heartbeat, their breathing pattern and even their blood flow and that is perhaps the most terrifying aspect of having him obsessing over you. He knows you better than anyone else as you are essentially an open box for him as all secrets are always spelled out by the melody of your body. There is no privacy for you when around him and Jouno abuses and uses all of this against you. At first he is more subtle about how he presents himself before you, careful with the words he chooses and the secrets he reveals about you. Even if he is so composed, there is this certain creepiness he has as he gives you a small smile and sometimes his sadistic side seeps through as he torments you more to relish in your rapid heartbeat and the unease he can sense inside of you even if you try to hide it desperately.

♦️It is fairly easy for Saigiku to track you down even among other people, your heartbeat a special song he has engraved in his mind and your voice a siren's song that pulls him in as soon as he hears it. Jouno is stalking you, he follows you as he remembers the places you visit often until he can almost predict where he can find you if he has free time and wishes to see you. He exhibits some very possessive traits as he doesn't enjoy other people you keep around you as he is a man who could never imagine himself sharing you with someone and unfortunately even friends and family are put in this category. You feel this growing dread as weeks pass by until he pulls the rag from beneath your feet as he organises for the government to place you under special security and ensure that you are always kept within his reach. Saigiku tells you that it would be better for you to just get used to your new lifestyle because he surely won't let you leave his side again. It's your fault being such an adorable and interesting thing~

♦️Truthfully spoken, Saigiku belongs in a category where he is overall most of the time more possessive than he is jealous. If he had to describe to you how he feels when he senses you conversing with someone else, he'd just bluntly tell you that he just doesn't enjoy it. He has never enjoyed hearing you talking with someone else unless it was necessary and he ensures that your abilities to speak with a lot of people besides himself are limited as soon as you are where he wants to have you. Especially when he is with you he would greatly appreciate it if you were to refrain for ignoring him for someone else but even if he is on missions, you aren't able to talk with a lot of people. Most of them just ignore you out of fear of Jouno because no one has the courage to talk to you, much less flirt with you because Saigiku will always find out. Worst is that you are in most cases also made a scapegoat and punished which manages to scare you away from any unnecessary conversation. The only people you can chat with without too much consequences are the other Hunting Dogs.

♦️Despite Saigiku often trying to appear like the most civilized one of the Hunting Dogs, he's still just as violent as everyone else. He just tries to hide it better behind his composure. He doesn't take any injustice or disregard of his rules lightly though. You are often punished when you don't behave as you ignore the rules he has told you about and the same counts for others. Harsh threats are often given out despite his calm expression as he is not afraid to threaten and wish ill will upon those who he takes orders from. His sadistic nature makes him quite the terrifying enemy if someone dares to commit any injustice against you because he has never taken crimes lightly and he takes it even more seriously when it comes to you. You know that he doesn't just give a criminal who tried to harm you just a simple death because that would be too easy. No. he'll make them regret the day their pitiful existence came to be in this world.

♦️Saigiku gives you the most legal abduction as the government decides to support him for this one thing. They can't risk one of their Hunting Dogs potentially being distracted because of you and Jouno knows this and uses this to have them agree. It's undeniable that you are his soft spot and as much as he dislikes you for making him feel more vulnerable, he knows that he has to preserve you somewhere for this exact reason. If enemies would find out about you, they would without a doubt come for you since you are an easier target than the Hunting Dog himself. The mere thought of someone using you against him only because you hold such meaning for him is almost humiliating so prevent anyone from ever using you against him, he locks you away and keeps you fairly isolated. the government covers your disappearance up as not even friends and family are ever allowed to figure out what happened to you.

♦️It's best for you if you learn how to keep your emotions properly under control because otherwise you will get on his nerves. Jouno is incredibly insensitive to strong emotions because he can pick up on them so well and for that they annoy him. So it isn't uncommon for him to leave you alone when you have a mental breakdown and just tell you harshly and coldly to calm down before he goes. He just never gives you a break, especially the first few months after he has abducted you. It's all harsh and humiliating words as you aren't able to lie or hide anything from him because he always senses it as your own body betrays you. Eventually he slowly starts adjusting though as he learns to deal better with your emotions although he is still very hesitant to allow himself to be more vulnerable around you. He can’t say that he doesn’t enjoy it though, knowing that he’s the one who protects you.

Suehiro Tetchou

🌸Tetchou is much more pure in comparison to Jouno as his desires lie in the genuine wish to protect you from any harm. Although this simple desire can drastically escalate because he is very protective. In fact Tetchou is so protective to the point where he can delude himself into believing that what he has done was the right thing to do even if his actions have caused you sorrow and fear. He’d never hurt you, he knows that. So tears and sadness from you tear away at his core belief and almost as if in a way to cope with the situation and to not break down, he deludes himself into believing that he knows better. He’s a Hunting Dog after all, he has experienced so much more than you could ever in your entire life. His decisions are based on those experiences you have never endured nor will ever have to endure now that he’s in your life. Don’t hate him for he has only done what is best for you.

🌸Having already established this man as someone who is tattering on the side of delusional thoughts, it should be pointed out that it takes Tetchou a good while until he has even figured out his own feelings for you. He initially never suspects his feelings to be of romantic nature as he sticks with you whenever he has the time nor when his mind is constantly drifting to you multiple times a day. Surely you mean much to him but not in that way…right? Somehow he remains oblivious to his feelings or perhaps he is just not willing to acknowledge his feelings to keep the lid sealed on his obsession. Acknowledging means losing to his obsession and almost unconsciously he seems to be aware of that and attempts to deny his feelings. Until either time wears him down or a trigger happens which causes everything to just explode out of him with such an intensity that it almost overwhelms him.

🌸Much more lenient than some other Hunting Dogs, Tetchou attempts to let you keep as much of your freedom as he can. That includes your social life as long as no one poses a threat for you. He doesn’t mind your friends and family and if they are loyal and friendly, he acknowledges them as people who have helped you through your life so far. Jealousy is low-key a bit awkward for Tetchou though as he stands there and stares at the other person as if trying to decipher why the hell they trigger such nasty feelings within him. He isn’t overly vocal though as he is more the type to admit at one point very bluntly that he wants them to not step so close to you or that he doesn’t like them talking to you all whilst standing right behind you or stepping protectively in front of you. At this point he has held it in for too long and usually tries to end the interaction.

🌸He isn’t nearly as patient or enduring when it comes to his wants to protect you. He is quick and acts as swiftly as possible. Tetchou wouldn’t admit it to you but he runs a brief investigation on everyone you keep close to you to be completely sure that he can trust them. If anyone is suspicious, he has small remorse to cut them out of your life until he has found out everything he needs to know. He is a very strong advocate for justice and whilst he wouldn’t be as discriminating as Jouno when it comes to everyone who has a bit of a bad history, he isn’t lenient either. He’d prefer to only have good and honest people surrounding you and with his delusional belief that ultimately he does what is best for you, he can be strict and harsh under certain circumstances when he cuts your ties with people who physically or mentally abuse you and he has no guilt when he delivers the deadly blow if someone should pose a severe threat for your life.

🌸If he should ever erupt with the most likely trigger being your own life being in danger, he will use the same method as Saigiku. He will request special custody for you. That includes the isolation and your mysterious disappearance as he is fully aware what that will do to you. Your disappointed and resentful eyes cut deeper than his own sword ever cut as he feels something slowly collapsing. This is when his own defense fully kicks in as he builds those delusional walls to protect himself from going insane. He reaches the peak of his delusional behavior as he genuinely insists that what he does is only for your own good. Whilst he still understands why you are upset, he prioritizes your safety over your freedom. Sometimes you just can’t have both of those options coexisting with each other and have to sacrifice one of them. He has decided to sacrifice your freedom for your safety.

🌸Tetchou probably is one of the most normal people from the Hunting Dogs. He still has his fair share of weird quirks but most of them are quite cute for the most part. This man could literally stare at you for hours if he has the time and You can’t even remember that you see him blinking much whenever he does so. He’s kind enough to share his strange mixtures of same-colored food with you and legitimately doesn’t seem to understand what you find so appalling about it. He’s rather chill most of the times as he just lets you decide what you two should do. As long as he can accompany you, he doesn’t complain much and is alright with most of the stuff you do together with him. Be careful though if you ever have a cuddle session with him as he is very reluctant to let you leave his hold once he has you in his arms.

Nikolai Gogol

🕊️Nikolai is a wonderful actor as he stumbles in your life, parading as someone who is perfectly normal and despite being extremely crazed in reality, you don't suspect anything. Because he does such a wonderful job in hiding everything he is. Above all what stands out about Nikolai is his unique obsession he has with you as he isn't quite possessive in a normal sense. He envies the birds able to fly freely in the sky without any chains binding them yet here he is, shackled with the chains of his own feelings which rob him of his capability, his right, to soar high into the sky. His obsession is the heaviest of those chains and behind his sweet smile he hides a deep resentment against you for caging him in like this. His fantasies range from sweet and innocent images of both of you sharing a passionate kiss with each other to truly deranged ones where he is choking and strangling you and both make his heart beat equally enraptured out of his chest to the point where he doesn't know what he wants.

🕊️Nikolai is surely also very sadistic because as his lover you should also take part in his suffering. He stalks you, follows you and even breaks into your house as he slowly induces you with paranoia without ever revealing himself. He watches with delight as you slowly start losing your sanity as he forces your paranoid mind to push away and reject all the people in your life as they start seeing you as mentally ill which has you shedding tears as you don't even know yourself anymore. It escalates until only he is left to soothe your tears, his grip occasionally tightening on your face as you wipes your tears away with his thumb, a sweet grin on his face that slowly darkens. Sometimes he has a hard time taming his dark impulses as his eyes dart to your neck, his hands brushing against it as he has to swallow slightly when he feels your pulse underneath his palms. Suddenly you feel him squeezing your neck in a slowly tightening hold and only when you look confused and startled up does he snap out of it and returns to his harmless grin.

🕊️Jealously is a burden to Nikolai as it is only a heavy chain more that ties him down to you. He feels like he is forced into acting as this feeling always presses onto his chest as he watches you with someone else. A part of him despises how carefree you look, so liberated from any negative emotions whilst he is left silently suffering behind you. How dare you? How dare you to rob him of his freedom whilst enjoying yourself so much? He plays quite the despicable play whenever he feels this pressuring jealousy wrapping itself around his body like a rope he can't free himself from as he resents you equally as much as the one you interacted with. He will punish both his darling and the other person for their low and infuriating display of emotions, for their crime of looking so free whilst he is left chasing after his own.

🕊️Death through his hands is genuinely horrifying as he treats it all like a twisted game. He dangles the option of escape always in front of his victim's nose only to shatter that illusion seconds before they could get away from him. If he can't get his own freedom, they won't either. Worst is that not only people who are involved with you get involved with this. He occasionally lets you play one of those games too as he literally just collects people from the street who mildly annoy him upon first impression. As cruel the deaths of those people are, they aren't his real victims but merely pawns in his game where the main attraction will be your downfall into madness and hopelessness. You are forced to follow the twisted rules of his game as he sometimes even forces you to kill those innocent people yourself. He enjoys your downfall into despair though. You don't look that free anymore yourself as the chains of guilt and terror keep you down on the ground. At least both of you are on the same page now~

🕊️For quite a long time Nikolai just seems to play around with you like a child would with their favorite toy. He follows you around as your stalker and masked nightmare whilst simultanously taking the role of your only friend at one point as everyone else abandons you. He just enjoys to see your struggles as he loves observing you as every tear you shed and every mental breakdown you have has him feeling a bit better about his own fate as he extracts his revenge upon you. There is no real plan to this abduction besides a simple and random will of his. Both of you could be literally anywhere before he suddenly reveals his other side to you and admits to you that he has been the one who has driven you over the edge and that he was the one who made you doubt your own sanity. There's a gleeful grin on his face as he drinks in your horrified expression. Dove, did he ever tell you that you would look lovely in a cage?

🕊️You have to fear for your life constantly each and every day from that day on as you always have to prepare for the worst possible. Nikolai's behavior can switch so suddenly as he is quite unpredictable. In one moment he could shower you with kisses before he suddenly presses a knife against your neck and you can feel a thin trail of blood trickling down only to go back to kissing the wound on your neck again affectionately. It is a torture to not know what might be happening. Unknown to you though, not Nikolai knows anymore what he should do. In one moment he wishes to feel your cold and lifeless skin under his fingers and in the next he wants to just cuddle and shower you in affection. Your death and your life both seem equally appealing to him as he feels the chains tightening around his body as he always lacks the final push to murder you. The next time, he always tells himself. There's always the next time.

Sigma

☁️Sigma is an utterly dedicated man who has come to terms that his whole reason for existence can be found in you. His purpose is pinpointed back to you and so with a finally concrete goal in life, he almost throws himself willingly into the pitfall of his own obsession. Perhaps a part of him can rationalise why you are so unappy with your current situation as well as why his feelings are wrong from several perspectices. Yet Sigma would take this new obsession anyday over the dark and empty tear inside of him that used to grow everyday because he didn't know of his purpose of being in this world. So whilst his guilt is enough for you to occasionally manipulate him and enough to make him spoil you in his attempts to appease you and give you happiness, it isn't enough so that he would ever allow you to leave his side. He's too selfish to ever let you abandon him and leave him all lost and shattered.

☁️With a fierce determination and a feeling of need inside of his heart, he memorizes everything about you until he could repeat it at any given time. He has a duty to know everything about you from the food you enjoy to the allergies to please you and fulfill you your wishes like no one else could. When one of the information he has gotten proves to be wrong or outdated, he panics quickly as he apologizes over and over again to you. Sigma is certainly very paranoid that anything could happen to you so there are cameras installed in the large room he has specifically designed for you in his casino so that he can always check what is going on if he should feel uneasy. Then there are also special guards assigned to not let you leave or to accompany you at the very least if you should go somehwere.

☁️Sigma is for sure on a more insecure side so he is prone to jealousy which is induced by paranoia and fear that you might try to leave him for someone else. He needs a lot of reassurance from your side in any form to feel more peaceful with his life and better about his own existence because if you were to truly try to leave him for someone better, he would have failed his only purpose in life. It's this unease that often leads him into keeping you isolated more than he should as he is so incredibly skittish to let you go under other people. Even if he allows you on certain days to chat with some of the customers, he somehow can't ease his controlling grip as he schedules purposely for you to end up talking with people he has studied beforehand and has paired up with you with the thought that they wouldn't appeal to you for different reasons. Please don't hold it against him. He's just so terrified that you might want to leave him for someone else.

☁️He's probably the member of the Decay of Angels that would be considered the most harmless because despite his paranoia, Sigma isn't sadistic nor does he take the act of murder lightly. He takes so much preparation for you to never run into any sort of troubles and for his Sky Casino to never be attacked in any way or shape that he already keeps trouble often away before it can appear. That doesn't mean that he won't take extreme measurements if anything should ever pop up that might endanger your life. As skittish and insecure Sigma might be at times he is definitely putting up a different facade when your life is in danger as you are the one thing he can not effort to lose. So even the act of killing someone will be ordered by him if he can't think of any other way to solve this issue. As guilty as he might feel for it at times, he is still clinging onto the thought that at least their death ensured that you wouldn't be in any harm.

☁️An abduction with Sigma is bound to happen, although he takes a less rough and violent approach to it. He is planning the entire thing weeks before it happens as he reads every information about you he could get his hands on and then prepares and designs the room himself with what he thinks you would love most. He puts so much heart and soul into it because he only strives for perfection when it comes to you that you would almost feel flattered if you wouldn't be permanently stuck in this suite now. You don't even know what he has in mind when he one day nervously asks you to come with him only to lead you into this room before offering you a drink, spiked with drugs. He explains everything hastily you just before the drugs start taking effects and you start feeling sluggish and tired and don't possess the strength needed to rebel against his sudden declaration that he can't let you leave him anymore.

☁️Getting into arguments with you is never good for his mentality especially if you harshly critize him and he can basically feel your resentment and your hatred festering inside of him. He needs your approval, he needs your affection because otherwise his existence will never feel validated. He showers you in presents of clothes, food, jewelry and hundreds of other things he hopes you enjoy in an attempt to appease you and lessen your anger against him. Sigma has a hard time leaving you alone for even a few hours as he gets quickly anxious and uneasy without your presence and checking the cameras he has installed inside your room only help that long. So he often pays you short visits in between his work to bask in your presence for a bit and to calm himself down before going back to his work. Even with his composed image in his workplace, he is awfully easy to tease and to fluster as his face quickly flushes red whenever you show him affection and he is especially shy when it comes to physical affection because you're literally the first one to do about everything with him. From the first hug to the first kiss.

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