#Let me perfectly clear: This Blog Supports Trans Rights

[secretgamergirl]

A Refresher on the Whos and Hows of Harassment Campaigns

The other day someone said something that reminded me of a particularly good work from a friend of mine, so I said "hey, you might like this," and was met with, roughly, "that does sound good, but ooh, I recommend that name, I don't want to support that person at all." Now, perhaps you'd think I'd be taken aback by this, and curious why the person I was talking to had such a huge problem with my friend, but I knew exactly why.

The friend in question has been the target of a massive life-ruining harassment campaign for something like 15 years, primarily rooted, as these things always seem to be, in DARVO tactics. That's an acronym for Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. Or put more plainly, painting the target as an evil monster who needs to be stopped. But there's a difference in knowing that this is ubiquitous for victims of harassment campaigns, and KNOWING how it works.

I don't want to say anything identifying about any of the many friends I know in this situation, so forgive the vague details, but let me walk through the major points of one of the clearest cases I've seen so you can hopefully learn to spot this crap.

Years ago, someone I knew messaged me out of the blue to alert me that A Bad Person had responded to some social media post of mine, which was just a perfectly nice pleasant little response. This was the first sign that this was not, in fact, A Bad Person, but a DARVO victim. The first rule to completely destroying someone's life is really aggressively cutting off any possible support network they might have, and making sure either through personal actions or more often establishing some weird sort of perceived norm that all good people need to be mindful of these things, one way to do that is jump in there anytime the target is being introduced to new people they could maybe become friends with.

Personally, I'm not inclined to avoid people just because someone tells me I should, even if it's someone I know and trust, and I encourage this as a value to others. Being an evidence demanding sort though, I was shortly presented with Some Evidence. This is another general truism with DARVO campaigns. Everyone pursuing them tends to have ready access to Some Evidence in the form of a link to, in most situations, like a 30-100 page long blog post, filled with links, images, and detailed date stamps presenting someone as an evil monster. And here again, my personal and professional experience with this has lead me to the possibly surprising conclusion that when someone shoves a link like this in your face, you can just go right ahead and assume the subject of it is the innocent victim of a hate campaign.

First of all, when someone is ACTUALLY a monster, it takes basically no evidence to prove it. Like, take J.K. Rowling. She's one of the most horrifically evil people on the planet. Hates trans people. Wants to see us all dead. She'd rather not have that as her public image, so she'll loudly object to any accusations along those lines and insist she's all puppies and rainbows, but in spite of that, she can't go more than like 10 minutes without an unhinged rant about how much she hates trans people. Like, she'll do it in written defenses against how she does that. You can glance at her social media pages and see just outright clear cut hate speech, or how she follows an astounding number of out and proud fascists. You can look at any news coverage she's tangentially involved in. Life is not a detective novel or a cheesy thriller where evil people manage to keep it completely hidden from everyone except one brave reporter.

So part of he deal with Some Evidence is relying on the reader being familiar with this sort of big info dump as really important in fiction and subconsciously viewing it through that same lens. The substance of Some Evidence is generally irrelevant. A Bad Person, you see, is guilty of a Crime! Whoever put together this very very very long blog post has clearly gone to a Herculean effort to expose this. They have a detailed timeline, they have all these links and screenshots to forum posts. They've hunted down every single user name A Bad Person may have ever used, and provided documentation to prove it all! Look how many links they have! How many bullet points! Look how passionate they are about the seriousness of this matter, and how terrible a thing this Crime is!

And the weirdly insidious thing about this is it isn't just about spamming you with so much text you aren't going to actually bother reading it. What they're hoping is that you DO read all of it, and in the process of doing so, you get so swept up in the narrative they're presenting that you internalize the fact that whatever Crime they're accusing this person of is exactly as evil and terrible a thing as their breathless recounting is portraying it to be, when in reality, I'm having a damn hard time thinking of any time I've seen one of these where the Crime is... anything really. You'd think if someone was going to accuse someone of a crime they didn't commit and make a big deal over it, they'd pick one of the real big ones like murder or defrauding a charity or terrorist bombings or something, but no. Real serious stuff is way easier to prove didn't happen if anyone cared, so the go-to strategy is to make a mountain out of a molehill so small that skeptical types won't even bother checking if it even happened, but make such a stink about it that the people who get suckered in still treat it as the most serious of things.

Actual examples of the Crimes I've seen in this sort of thing, off the top of my head: Sleeping with several men, just you know, at some point or other. Disliking A Good Person. Having once spoken to A Bad Person, or just being vaguely associated with them in some vague way. Criticizing a work of fiction over how it handled a subject (bad trans rep, colonialist values, weird depiction of another culture, whatever), drawing fan art or writing fan fiction where someone is off-model or not in character or, anything at all romantic or sexy happens, dressing up in a goofy costume, and standing near A Good Person in a photo who clearly wouldn't want to be seen anywhere near A Bad Person (and yes that last one DOES involve more circular logic than usual). Some of the most effective campaigns I've seen have had Crimes that go past not being any sort of offense to anyone from a rational perspective but are outright good things for someone to be doing. Spin is a hell of a drug.

It should also be noted that while Some Evidence generally puts a huge emphasis on noting the exact dates when the Crime and various other data points occurred and how great and terrible an offense this was to The Real Victim In All This, you basically never hear about this from someone who has even the most tenuous connection to The Real Victim In All This, and it tends to be presented as breaking news, even when Some Evidence pretty clearly points out that if the Crime even happened at all, it did so anywhere between 1-20 years ago. I don't know that I've ever seen one of these campaigns even get started over something in recent memory. Picking or inventing something far enough in the past that nobody who was allegedly there is going to have really clear memories one way or the other is ideal for the key point of making it both difficult and a low priority to actually get a first hand account of the Crime from anyone.

Also I really have to stress that this sort of thing doesn't tend to all come down to one crank with a grudge personally pushing the whole hate campaign. The goal is to execute all this in such a way that the overwhelming majority of harassment, isolation, and reputation tarnishing isn't done by whoever set it all into motion, but by well-intentioned rubes who get swept up enough in the narrative not to question any of it. They don't know the first thing about the target here, but they're going to go around saying things like "I had no idea this person was A Bad Person until someone sent me this link. They stopped me from maybe getting involved with someone really scary, so now I'm just paying that forward as much as I can by warning other people."

So hopefully if I'm succeeding here in getting you to think critically about this sort of thing, you're maybe thinking hey, if the random accusations people write these novel-length blog posts about generally boil down to the sort of stupid crap that'd maybe get a person banned from the cool kids' table in high school rather than anything that would actually spurn efforts to completely destroy a person's life, what's the real reason they do this crap? Well, sometimes, it's just going to be some completely irrational thing like deciding someone represents a vague threat to the orchestrator or someone they're weirdly stalking, or good old fashioned bigotry, but I think honestly the number one true motivation for this sort of thing might be that whole bit about isolating victims from any possible support network.

Stripping away support networks is, if I recall, literally the first thing suggested by the abuser's handbook. It's an actual guide, I have a copy of it that was getting shared around to help nazis coordinate back in 2014, but I... don't want to actually double check the ordering of bullet points. It's important though. If you want to end the life of Susie, you need to make sure Susie is completely alone, with nobody to turn to for aid or even just basic emotional support. And so if you notice that Robyn is out there defending Susie from your mass harassment campaign, and every effort you've made to drive a wedge between them or intimidate Robyn out of defending Susie, that means Robyn's gotta go. Time to write a new novel-length blog post, get as much of the world as you can convinced that Robyn is a monster. Hell, it's even worth it to try and convince Susie.

A weird little quirk that results from this is that honestly some of the most horrible, longest lasting attacks of this nature I've seen have been against people who otherwise seem like they'd be impervious to this sort of hate-mobbing, but they make an active point of standing up for trans people. Now like, obviously, I know a truckload of trans people literally driven out of public life by this crap because the average person is just entirely too willing to accept that any given one of us is some sort of evil shapeshifter if given the slightest push, and we'd probably be more prominent examples if we didn't just kinda get disappeared, but yeah if you're cis and it's known in the right circles that you've used your platform to give me a shout-out or treated me to dinner odds are pretty good you're in the top 10 of people I personally know that people have been trying to bring down with total BS for the past decade or so, and you know, we see you, we support you, thanks for fighting that good fight.

If this has all been a bit much to read, here's the short version. Do not ever go around talking crap about someone you don't know just because someone told you they suck. I don't care how much you trust the person you're hearing it from. I don't care if they show you Some Evidence that it'd take you three days to read through. If you can't (or don't want to bother to) look them up directly, on your own, and see them doing evil crap out in public, leave them the hell alone. Don't go spreading rumors. Don't say you've "heard some things." There are no acceptable casualties in this. Be 100% sure or mind your own damn business. ACAB still applies when it's self-appointed community policing. Oh and it should go without saying that obviously this doesn't apply to stuff like a friend telling you they're in an abusive relationship or they've been assaulted or whatever. I'm talking about crap like warning people not to read books or watch reviews or whatever from people you have no personal connection to here.

And of course here's the point where I remind you that I have been out of work for years and have had to change my name and address multiple times to avoid being freaking murdered thanks to the sort of campaigns I'm talking about here, and it would really do a lot to help me continue being alive if anyone felt like maybe heading over to my patreon and throwing some cash my way.

#darvo #whisper campaigns #harassment #abuse #isolation #anti harassment

[good-sapphicrwbyaus]

I usually write these kind of posts on my personal R/WBY account, but considering the topic I’m about to discuss it makes more sense if I do it here. Trigger warnings for transph*bia, TERF rhetoric and the s3xualization of minors underneath the cut.

So for those that don’t know, a well-known creator within the F/DMN known as y8ay8a has been shown to support TERF ideology via her Twitter follows & likes and she follows the Twitter account of “Gays Against Groomers” scumbags who spew a bunch of hateful/harmful rhetoric against the trans community.

I’m not going to bother arguing why this is obviously a bunch of bullshit to be subscribing to, especially since it seems y8ay8a’s been doubling down {at least on Twitter}. She’s “addressed” things on her Tumblr blog and I use that loosely because she didn’t actually address anything at all. So let me make it perfectly clear to y8ay8a, her fans and the rest of the F/NDM…

Regardless of what she says, she is transphobic, she doesn’t support the trans community and she is a TERF.

One cannot say that they support trans people {or as she put it “adults” I see what you’re trying to imply there, you piece of shit} and then subscribe to TERF ideology/anti-trans rhetoric. It doesn’t matter if you say that you follow trans creators, you don’t actually support them and you’re using them as a shield.

Y8ay8a, there are legit reasons why people are upset with you right now, people aren’t “bullying you” they’re literally getting after you because of the hateful beliefs that you seem to support. If you decide to keep ignoring the justified criticism that’s being thrown your way, then the only one to blame for your “cancellation” within the F/NDM is you.

Also I find it incredibly “hilarious” that you say that “there isn’t much drama to feed from my accounts tbh” when there’s actually a couple of things that you can also be criticized on… like how you’ve drawn multiple NSFW images of R/uby, most of which involve her being paired with adult characters such as H/arriet. It doesn’t matter if she’s a “fictional character”, she’s still a god damn minor you fucking freak… I thought that you & the bigoted groups/people you follow cared about the safety of children? How can you care about the safety of minors, when you’ve drawn NSFW artwork that involves a fictional character who’s underage? You do realize that you’re only giving the impression that it’s okay for others to sexualize minors whether they’re fictional or not, right? Gotta love the blatant hypocrisy of it all…

There’s also you shipping I/Ilia x S/ienna and drawing NSFW content involving the ship. The age gap between them is large and there’s a power imbalance because S/ienna was the leader of the WF {I/lia’s boss}. I’ve also seen that you’ve drawn NSFW content of N/ora x E/lm {large age gap} and S/alem x E/merald {do I even need to explain why this is fucked up}amongst other things.

I don’t want to hear the pathetic excuse of “but some of those were commissions”… you had the ability to say no and yet you still decided to take the money and do those art pieces anyways, there’s no fucking excuse.

For those looking for evidence, I obviously cannot show the images here. However, if you send me a DM I’ll let you know what her NSFW Twitter name is… just don’t be surprised if they delete the account for damage control. I’m not sharing the account name publicly, since I don’t want minors accessing it and viewing that filth {DON’T DM ME IF YOU’RE A MINOR}.

If anyone who follows me still follows/supports this creator, unfollow me immediately. This blog is a safe space for everyone who identifies under the trans umbrella, TERFS aren’t welcomed here. I myself am Bigender and simultaneously identify as a woman & non-binary {she/they}, so this topic is important to me.

As an LGBTQ+ space within the F/NDM, as someone who identifies under the trans umbrella and as someone who has many trans friends/loved ones, I felt that I needed to speak up about this. We don’t need people like y8ay8a within this community, especially if they refuse to acknowledge that they support incredibly harmful ideology/groups. If anyone claims that I’m being a “big, mean bully”, this is a grown-ass woman {if this isn’t how she identifies please let me know} who’s rightfully being criticized/called out for her alleged bigoted views… all of you {including y8ay8a} need to grow the fuck up.

#rwde #tw: transphobia #tw: terf rhetoric #tw: sexualization of minors #terfs dni #I fucking hate terfs

[cottonundiestf]

I posted 253 times in 2022

That's 253 more posts than 2021!

146 posts created (58%)

107 posts reblogged (42%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@cottonundiestf

@candis-thots

@bimbosanddolls

@hypno-dolly

@pretty-bimbo-baby

I tagged 152 of my posts in 2022

Only 40% of my posts had no tags

#ooc - 76 posts

#layla rose - 26 posts

#the layla game - 21 posts

#iq loss - 12 posts

#self oc - 8 posts

#sex sigil game - 7 posts

#transformation kink - 7 posts

#brainwashing - 6 posts

#writing - 6 posts

#caption story - 5 posts

Longest Tag: 52 characters

#that's a whole lot of words to say you're anti-trans

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

I know the kinds of kinks I peddle in

so I DO want to be VERY clear, especially as election season looms over us. This account is:

pro-abortion pro-feminism anti-patriarchal systems (outside of kink) pro-LGBTQIA+ pro-BLM anti-capitalist pro-deconstructing toxic faith trauma

and pretty much just incredibly fucking leftist.

If you are genuinely anti-women's rights, anti-queer, or support racist power structures or politicians that enable any of these things, I have no love for you. My blog is not a safe space for you.

Stay safe and happy, comrades.

280 notes - Posted November 2, 2022

#4

Mona didn't remember how she stumbled on ComfyGoddess' stream, but she'd gotten hooked on the pink aesthetics and soothing music. As a competitive gamer, "titty streamers" normally bugged her, but after a stressful day, Comfy's streams were the perfect way to clear her mind.

Comfy gave Mona so much attention in chat, and they even talked in DMs. Comfy had some great videos and advice to share, improving Mona's makeup and fashion game. She didn't used to think much about her appearance, but she got it now; she was less stressed and way more comfy now!

See the full post

314 notes - Posted August 18, 2022

#3

"Thanks for letting me stay in your dorm for the night. My girlfriend asked me if she could have the room to herself. I'm ready to crash, I just gotta put on my headphones before bed. What am I listening to?"

Summer offers her headphones.

𝐺𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙𝑠 ℎ𝑎𝑣𝑒 𝑒𝑚𝑝𝑡𝑦 ℎ𝑒𝑎𝑑𝑠. 𝐺𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑟𝑡 𝑝𝑒𝑜𝑝𝑙𝑒. 𝐺𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑔𝑖𝑟𝑙𝑠 𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑦'𝑟𝑒 𝑖𝑛𝑓𝑒𝑟𝑖𝑜𝑟.

Summer smiled at you as you listened to the mantra with a blank stare. Mistress said you would; now Summer just had to call her over.

343 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

#2

Jenny stared at you from the back seat as you drove, still miffed. You told her your new car had state-of-the-art seatbelts that always rested snugly and securely.

You neglected to mention that it did that by adjusting her breasts, not the belt. Now her massive jugs fit perfectly in your car, but less so in her shirt. Adjustments had to be made.

543 notes - Posted August 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Twitter: Exploding. Tumblr: This could be our chance to finally regain some of our loss membership numbers! The People of Tumblr: Bitch, I don't think you remember how hard we worked to make this place unprofitable.

626 notes - Posted November 7, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

FOR THE RECORD, that was NOT my top post in 2022. Tumblr is lying and hind it because my TOP post was the cow bikini transformation! The censorship of it all!

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[lavender-femme]

So there are some terf blogs (one in particular, promoting a “new dating site”) making their way through nsfw tumblr right now. This specific blog followed me a few days ago and unfortunately since this is a sideblog i couldn’t block them until i’d gotten on desktop. That being said, I want to reiterate and make it perfectly clear that terfs are not welcome here. This blog has always and will always protect, support, listen to, value, and uplift trans women. That’s something that will never change.

If you see a terf reblogging things from my page please let me know so i can block them. If you see something where the OP is a terf please let me know.

So many of these people are actively putting themselves in spaces where they are not wanted; DNIs are nice but terfs don’t care and will follow whether they hide behind a seemingly safe blog or not. I don’t want them thinking this is a safe place for them.

I often reblog from trans women (and other trans people in general of course, i’m not cis myself) so i never want to put my mutuals or the people i follow at risk for harassment from these people.

anyway if you’re a trans woman and you’re reading this ily

#I'm talking #shoutout to the person who saw that this blog's following was public and sent me ananon and a message about it

[xiangni]

June 9th. 2023

- oh god, not me falling for someone else again .-. At least he knows I exist this time.

- he’s an old friend from hs and gonna be my photographer at an anime con lol

- also I started a summer internship 😌

- And I have a strong hatred for jkr for tarnishing her brand. I just want to like HP and HL in peace ffs

- I must make it clear to myself, I DO NOT SUPPORT ANYTHING THAT JKR has said or done to be racist or transphobic.

- But omg attacking people instead of politely informing or expressing discomfort is rudE. Maybe I’m being too sensitive but I’m am going to crack. That is just the cake topper. Tumblr is a spiteful, toxic website. I hate/love it here.

- No, I know I’m being too sensitive about it. It’s not my right to be mad at them. I’m not Jewish or Trans. I am but a Chinese enby who is panromantic asexual. Im still a fucking minority. But it’s not against me. I get that. It’s not my minority being attacked and so I shouldn’t add onto the flames by supporting JKR, right?

- I don’t condone attacking people. But also stop policing what people can and can’t post on their own fucking blogs, yeah?

- this hasn’t happened, I’m just scared for the future and want to rant, but, you shouldn’t be crucified for liking Harry Potter?? Right??

- I don’t go attacking people for liking Asian content whenever they over sexualize the Asian women or call them exotic and submissive?

- Nothing can compare to the pain of the Holocaust. Nothing. But I also don’t think it’s fair to act all high and mighty like that. Demonizing everyone who likes Harry Potter still. This is a weird fine line I am treading and I am just glad no one fucking reads this.

- IM SORRY I CANT LET GO OF THE HP universe though. I just can’t. The fan content has just helped me through such dark and lonely times. Im so attached to some of the characters. The fan’s content has just, helped me mentally so much.

- I’m purposefully avoiding my main blog now. I just, don’t feel… like it’s a community with the amount of hate the other perfectly nice content creators get.

- I hate this. I hate this site. I hate that I can’t like HP in peace anymore with fear of being attacked. I sometimes wish my other account didn’t have such a big following within the community I’m in because wtf guys.

-why am I still here?

#stop omg

[diafimisi]

#Diana Prince #Wonder Woman #DCAU Askblog #Let me perfectly clear: This Blog Supports Trans Rights #Mod Art #TERFs will be blocked #OK to reblog

[aegialia]

self-indulgent reflection on being on tumblr

so i recently hit 1000 followers on here and this blog has existed for almost exactly 8 years, so i wanted to ramble about tumblr and my experience of it for awhile. under the cut so definitely feel free to ignore this.

i started this blog right around when i was fourteen and had just started high school. at that point, i was out to my parents (and no one else) as bi, i had an inkling i was Struggling with something but i had no idea what and felt like i couldnt actually acknowledge it, and i had left leaning but very vague politics. tumblr definitely has shaped my journey around sexuality/gender/mental health/politics, both for good and for ill. 

for good: 

seeing other ppl talk about being lesbians helped me realize i could be a lesbian w/o being a traitor to the concept of bisexuality. hearing trans ppl talk about their experiences and explaining non-binary stuff and dysphoria helped me understand what i was going through 

i don’t like talking about my mental health stuff in detail on here, but suffice to say, i was Going Through it in high school. i’m still going through it now, but i am in a much better place (thank you medication and 7 years of therapy!). seeing ppl talk about the weird, dumb, awful parts of mental illness let me acknowledge that i was going through those things too, that i wasnt like evil for feeling like that, that i could change. people talking about adhd/autism was particularly helpful---being able to identify why i’d always felt like my brain just didn’t work right is the first step in the (ongoing) process of not hating myself for the way my brain works

politics is definitely the area where i think tumblr was the best for me. i got exposed to so many opinions i definitely wasn’t hearing in school, from intelligent, well-read people who could articulate theory in ways i could understand. tumblr didn’t give me my politics and i didn’t learn everything i know about theory from it, but the communities of people i was around pointed me in the right directions. tumblr was also a good place to learn how to react to criticism. this doesn’t seem to be most people’s experience, but getting called out over minor things on tumblr genuinely helped me learn how to take a step back, look at my behavior, apologize, and try to change, which, as it turns out, is a helpful skill irl as well

for ill:

wrt sexuality and gender, it’s probably pretty obvious someone who’s journey is ‘cis bi girl -> cis with a million different microlabels -> nb w a million different microlabels for both sexuality and gender -> nb butch lesbian who’s not super into romance’ would have some bad times on tumblr. the bi circles i was in made being a lesbian seem like an immoral choice, the ‘’’mogai’’’ (or whatever u wanna call them) circles made me feel like i had to divy up and perfectly label every aspect of myself in a way that really wasn’t helpful for me, the lesbian circles i was in made me feel like being a lesbian was about ending up in a monogamous butch/femme cottagecore relationship and that there was something wrong with me for not really wanting that. to be clear i think microlabels can be very helpful for people/a monogamous butch/femme relationship is a perfectly fine thing to want, they just didn’t work for me. im very very glad ive reached a point in my life where i dont feel the need to stay up to date on the latest discourse and am more focused on finding a way to exist that is comfortable for me and supporting my community irl. 10/10 would recommend to everyone

not going to get deep into it, but social media is. not good for my brain in general. i still enjoy using tumblr, but these days im pretty careful to step back from it frequently and treat it as an occasional hobby. 

the cons of political stuff on tumblr are probably also very obvious. there are some just awful discussions on here and the culture surrounding the way we handle bad behavior and justice and accountability and working to become a better person and make up for the harm you’ve caused has historically been fucking awful and trying to unlearn it and find new ways to engage with this stuff is exhausting. 

for all that i’ve changed over the course of having this blog, this blog has stayed pretty fucking static. i started out being super into diana wynne jones and the iliad and those are still two of my biggest interests and things i talk about the most on here. there are definitely specific things that have petered away (i started this blog almost entirely to keep up with good omens fan stuff and i pretty much haven’t touched it since the miniseries came out, i haven’t sought out pacific rim/supernatural/elementary/mcu content in years), but im still pretty much interested in the same things. i like relatively small fandoms, i like weird side characters, i like to be a grumpy child playing with my toys in the corner. when a fandom im in gets popular, i tend to stop engaging with it entirely (hello rqg/tma/good omens/enola holmes!). i dont think its a pretentious ‘i liked it before it was cool’ thing so much as a ‘people get Weird and awful when a fandom hits a certain level of popularity and there’s too much content and i really, really hate the bad faith arguments larger fandoms tend to spawn’ thing. i’ll consume content from big fandoms, but i pretty much refuse to actually engage with them at this point.

one of the stranger parts of my experience of tumblr is the social side. i’ve never really known how people make friends online---how do you go from liking each other’s posts and occasionally replying to them to actually being friends who communicate off social media? i’ve had conversations with ppl on tumblr and i’ve had sort-of friendships that are contained to tumblr where i’d like to get to know them better, but i’ve never figured out how to do that. my best friend’s job is pretty much to make friends/connections on the internet (she’s an activist and artist), my dad knows people everywhere in the world from twitter, and i’m just sitting here like a little old grandpa who doesn’t understand how you can have internet friends. 

at this point in my life, i’m fine with this, but this has made me feel real fucking bad in the past---like, if everyone online, even the ppl who say they’re weird and brainbad in a similar way to me, can make friends on the internet, what’s wrong with me? particularly in high school and my first year of college, when i was just horribly lonely all the time, it made me feel super disconnected and like there was something fundamentally bad about me. these days, i’m a lot chiller about it. i use social media to engage with stuff i enjoy and share my thoughts about it. it’s okay that my social difficulties extend to me not knowing how to use the internet to socialize.

on a somewhat related topic, it’s wild that i have 1000 followers. obviously, that’s not an actually super large number and a huge number of them are probably bots or inactive. if you post consistently for eight years and follow lots of people, like i do, it’s not a surprise to end up with this many followers. it is also, thankfully, the sort of followers that are not fans. probably most ppl following this blog dont remember why they followed and dont know anything about me or my interests. this sounds like its meant to be depressing but it’s not. i like that my way of engaging w the internet lets me do pretty much whatever i want and no one will care. the mere concept of being. like. tumblr famous in any capacity, even just in one community/fandom, is viscerally horrifying to me. 

i really enjoy the space i’ve created for myself on here. on one hand, going back through my blog is obviously embarrassing and full of hating my past self. on the other hand, i now have a very nice collection of things i enjoy in this blog. i like seeing what i’ve been interested in and (when i’m in a good mental health place) i like to be able to remember how i thought and talked about the things i loved when i was younger. im not at the place in my life where i can love a younger version of myself, but sometimes i can laugh at zir with a level of fondness. 

i’ve always been paranoid about sharing details about my life on here (and the fact that my parents have always been able to see it certainly contributed), so the version of jack on here is a carefully curated version, who’s super enthusiastic about the things they love, was very conscientious about apologizing and trying to do better when ze messed up, and tried to be polite to others. that’s a younger version of myself that i’m closer to being able to have compassion for than the version i find in essays and poems and memories. 

i’m starting grad school in ten days and i’m still using the blog i started when i began high school. tumblr has helped me in a lot of ways and hurt me in a lot of ways, but i still have to admit that it’s been a significant factor in shaping me. i’d be incredibly embarrassed to admit that irl, but it’s true. other than my family and like one friend, this blog is one of the only things that’s ‘known’ me since i started high school. i’ve changed so much in that time and im glad to have this weird little record of myself throughout those changes, even if i’d probably warn my younger self away from tumblr if i could go back in time.

tl;dr i have had a mixed experience on tumblr and i have mixed feelings about that experience. no idea if anyone read any of this very long, very rambling internet memoir

p.s. fun facts about this blog:

i’ve never changed my icon or blog title

i recently got a second version of the poster i got my blog title from. i chose my blog title by looking at what was hanging on the wall directly in front of me. 

my original url was gloomthkin. this was not, as you’d probably assume, an otherkin thing. i had literally no idea what otherkin was at that point. i’d just learned the word gloomth from a bill bryson book and thought it would be cool n edgy to be the child of the quality of gloom. i changed my url after i learned what otherkin was and realized everyone probably assumed something about me that wasn’t true which i hated (not bc i had an issue w otherkin, just bc i don’t like ppl thinking untrue things about me)

during my good omens days, i once sent a tumblr ask to nail guyman which, in retrospect, was kinda rude. i stand by the content but id never send an ask like that now. he replied to it privately in a way that so deeply embarrassed and shamed 15 year old me that i’ve never gotten over it. i still get nervous and embarrassed when i see anything about him or his books

#gloomth and circumstance #this is definitely not required reading! #i just felt like rambling for a very long time about my feelings and my blog #w bonus blog trivia at the bottom that amuses me and probably no one else

[a-room-of-my-own]

This isn’t an easy piece to write, for reasons that will shortly become clear, but I know it’s time to explain myself on an issue surrounded by toxicity. I write this without any desire to add to that toxicity.

For people who don’t know: last December I tweeted my support for Maya Forstater, a tax specialist who’d lost her job for what were deemed ‘transphobic’ tweets. She took her case to an employment tribunal, asking the judge to rule on whether a philosophical belief that sex is determined by biology is protected in law. Judge Tayler ruled that it wasn’t.

My interest in trans issues pre-dated Maya’s case by almost two years, during which I followed the debate around the concept of gender identity closely. I’ve met trans people, and read sundry books, blogs and articles by trans people, gender specialists, intersex people, psychologists, safeguarding experts, social workers and doctors, and followed the discourse online and in traditional media. On one level, my interest in this issue has been professional, because I’m writing a crime series, set in the present day, and my fictional female detective is of an age to be interested in, and affected by, these issues herself, but on another, it’s intensely personal, as I’m about to explain.

All the time I’ve been researching and learning, accusations and threats from trans activists have been bubbling in my Twitter timeline. This was initially triggered by a ‘like’. When I started taking an interest in gender identity and transgender matters, I began screenshotting comments that interested me, as a way of reminding myself what I might want to research later. On one occasion, I absent-mindedly ‘liked’ instead of screenshotting. That single ‘like’ was deemed evidence of wrongthink, and a persistent low level of harassment began.

Months later, I compounded my accidental ‘like’ crime by following Magdalen Burns on Twitter. Magdalen was an immensely brave young feminist and lesbian who was dying of an aggressive brain tumour. I followed her because I wanted to contact her directly, which I succeeded in doing. However, as Magdalen was a great believer in the importance of biological sex, and didn’t believe lesbians should be called bigots for not dating trans women with penises, dots were joined in the heads of twitter trans activists, and the level of social media abuse increased.

I mention all this only to explain that I knew perfectly well what was going to happen when I supported Maya. I must have been on my fourth or fifth cancellation by then. I expected the threats of violence, to be told I was literally killing trans people with my hate, to be called cunt and bitch and, of course, for my books to be burned, although one particularly abusive man told me he’d composted them.

What I didn’t expect in the aftermath of my cancellation was the avalanche of emails and letters that came showering down upon me, the overwhelming majority of which were positive, grateful and supportive. They came from a cross-section of kind, empathetic and intelligent people, some of them working in fields dealing with gender dysphoria and trans people, who’re all deeply concerned about the way a socio-political concept is influencing politics, medical practice and safeguarding. They’re worried about the dangers to young people, gay people and about the erosion of women’s and girl’s rights. Above all, they’re worried about a climate of fear that serves nobody – least of all trans youth – well.

I’d stepped back from Twitter for many months both before and after tweeting support for Maya, because I knew it was doing nothing good for my mental health. I only returned because I wanted to share a free children’s book during the pandemic. Immediately, activists who clearly believe themselves to be good, kind and progressive people swarmed back into my timeline, assuming a right to police my speech, accuse me of hatred, call me misogynistic slurs and, above all – as every woman involved in this debate will know – TERF.

If you didn’t already know – and why should you? – ‘TERF’ is an acronym coined by trans activists, which stands for Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist. In practice, a huge and diverse cross-section of women are currently being called TERFs and the vast majority have never been radical feminists. Examples of so-called TERFs range from the mother of a gay child who was afraid their child wanted to transition to escape homophobic bullying, to a hitherto totally unfeminist older lady who’s vowed never to visit Marks & Spencer again because they’re allowing any man who says they identify as a woman into the women’s changing rooms. Ironically, radical feminists aren’t even trans-exclusionary – they include trans men in their feminism, because they were born women.

But accusations of TERFery have been sufficient to intimidate many people, institutions and organisations I once admired, who’re cowering before the tactics of the playground. ‘They’ll call us transphobic!’ ‘They’ll say I hate trans people!’ What next, they’ll say you’ve got fleas? Speaking as a biological woman, a lot of people in positions of power really need to grow a pair (which is doubtless literally possible, according to the kind of people who argue that clownfish prove humans aren’t a dimorphic species).

So why am I doing this? Why speak up? Why not quietly do my research and keep my head down?

Well, I’ve got five reasons for being worried about the new trans activism, and deciding I need to speak up.

Firstly, I have a charitable trust that focuses on alleviating social deprivation in Scotland, with a particular emphasis on women and children. Among other things, my trust supports projects for female prisoners and for survivors of domestic and sexual abuse. I also fund medical research into MS, a disease that behaves very differently in men and women. It’s been clear to me for a while that the new trans activism is having (or is likely to have, if all its demands are met) a significant impact on many of the causes I support, because it’s pushing to erode the legal definition of sex and replace it with gender.

The second reason is that I’m an ex-teacher and the founder of a children’s charity, which gives me an interest in both education and safeguarding. Like many others, I have deep concerns about the effect the trans rights movement is having on both.

The third is that, as a much-banned author, I’m interested in freedom of speech and have publicly defended it, even unto Donald Trump.

The fourth is where things start to get truly personal. I’m concerned about the huge explosion in young women wishing to transition and also about the increasing numbers who seem to be detransitioning (returning to their original sex), because they regret taking steps that have, in some cases, altered their bodies irrevocably, and taken away their fertility. Some say they decided to transition after realising they were same-sex attracted, and that transitioning was partly driven by homophobia, either in society or in their families.

Most people probably aren’t aware – I certainly wasn’t, until I started researching this issue properly – that ten years ago, the majority of people wanting to transition to the opposite sex were male. That ratio has now reversed. The UK has experienced a 4400% increase in girls being referred for transitioning treatment. Autistic girls are hugely overrepresented in their numbers.

The same phenomenon has been seen in the US. In 2018, American physician and researcher Lisa Littman set out to explore it. In an interview, she said:

‘Parents online were describing a very unusual pattern of transgender-identification where multiple friends and even entire friend groups became transgender-identified at the same time. I would have been remiss had I not considered social contagion and peer influences as potential factors.’

Littman mentioned Tumblr, Reddit, Instagram and YouTube as contributing factors to Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria, where she believes that in the realm of transgender identification ‘youth have created particularly insular echo chambers.’

Her paper caused a furore. She was accused of bias and of spreading misinformation about transgender people, subjected to a tsunami of abuse and a concerted campaign to discredit both her and her work. The journal took the paper offline and re-reviewed it before republishing it. However, her career took a similar hit to that suffered by Maya Forstater. Lisa Littman had dared challenge one of the central tenets of trans activism, which is that a person’s gender identity is innate, like sexual orientation. Nobody, the activists insisted, could ever be persuaded into being trans.

The argument of many current trans activists is that if you don’t let a gender dysphoric teenager transition, they will kill themselves. In an article explaining why he resigned from the Tavistock (an NHS gender clinic in England) psychiatrist Marcus Evans stated that claims that children will kill themselves if not permitted to transition do not ‘align substantially with any robust data or studies in this area. Nor do they align with the cases I have encountered over decades as a psychotherapist.’

The writings of young trans men reveal a group of notably sensitive and clever people. The more of their accounts of gender dysphoria I’ve read, with their insightful descriptions of anxiety, dissociation, eating disorders, self-harm and self-hatred, the more I’ve wondered whether, if I’d been born 30 years later, I too might have tried to transition. The allure of escaping womanhood would have been huge. I struggled with severe OCD as a teenager. If I’d found community and sympathy online that I couldn’t find in my immediate environment, I believe I could have been persuaded to turn myself into the son my father had openly said he’d have preferred.

When I read about the theory of gender identity, I remember how mentally sexless I felt in youth. I remember Colette’s description of herself as a ‘mental hermaphrodite’ and Simone de Beauvoir’s words: ‘It is perfectly natural for the future woman to feel indignant at the limitations posed upon her by her sex. The real question is not why she should reject them: the problem is rather to understand why she accepts them.’

As I didn’t have a realistic possibility of becoming a man back in the 1980s, it had to be books and music that got me through both my mental health issues and the sexualised scrutiny and judgement that sets so many girls to war against their bodies in their teens. Fortunately for me, I found my own sense of otherness, and my ambivalence about being a woman, reflected in the work of female writers and musicians who reassured me that, in spite of everything a sexist world tries to throw at the female-bodied, it’s fine not to feel pink, frilly and compliant inside your own head; it’s OK to feel confused, dark, both sexual and non-sexual, unsure of what or who you are.

I want to be very clear here: I know transition will be a solution for some gender dysphoric people, although I’m also aware through extensive research that studies have consistently shown that between 60-90% of gender dysphoric teens will grow out of their dysphoria. Again and again I’ve been told to ‘just meet some trans people.’ I have: in addition to a few younger people, who were all adorable, I happen to know a self-described transsexual woman who’s older than I am and wonderful. Although she’s open about her past as a gay man, I’ve always found it hard to think of her as anything other than a woman, and I believe (and certainly hope) she’s completely happy to have transitioned. Being older, though, she went through a long and rigorous process of evaluation, psychotherapy and staged transformation. The current explosion of trans activism is urging a removal of almost all the robust systems through which candidates for sex reassignment were once required to pass. A man who intends to have no surgery and take no hormones may now secure himself a Gender Recognition Certificate and be a woman in the sight of the law. Many people aren’t aware of this.

We’re living through the most misogynistic period I’ve experienced. Back in the 80s, I imagined that my future daughters, should I have any, would have it far better than I ever did, but between the backlash against feminism and a porn-saturated online culture, I believe things have got significantly worse for girls. Never have I seen women denigrated and dehumanised to the extent they are now. From the leader of the free world’s long history of sexual assault accusations and his proud boast of ‘grabbing them by the pussy’, to the incel (‘involuntarily celibate’) movement that rages against women who won’t give them sex, to the trans activists who declare that TERFs need punching and re-educating, men across the political spectrum seem to agree: women are asking for trouble. Everywhere, women are being told to shut up and sit down, or else.

I’ve read all the arguments about femaleness not residing in the sexed body, and the assertions that biological women don’t have common experiences, and I find them, too, deeply misogynistic and regressive. It’s also clear that one of the objectives of denying the importance of sex is to erode what some seem to see as the cruelly segregationist idea of women having their own biological realities or – just as threatening – unifying realities that make them a cohesive political class. The hundreds of emails I’ve received in the last few days prove this erosion concerns many others just as much. It isn’t enough for women to be trans allies. Women must accept and admit that there is no material difference between trans women and themselves.

But, as many women have said before me, ‘woman’ is not a costume. ‘Woman’ is not an idea in a man’s head. ‘Woman’ is not a pink brain, a liking for Jimmy Choos or any of the other sexist ideas now somehow touted as progressive. Moreover, the ‘inclusive’ language that calls female people ‘menstruators’ and ‘people with vulvas’ strikes many women as dehumanising and demeaning. I understand why trans activists consider this language to be appropriate and kind, but for those of us who’ve had degrading slurs spat at us by violent men, it’s not neutral, it’s hostile and alienating.

Which brings me to the fifth reason I’m deeply concerned about the consequences of the current trans activism.

I’ve been in the public eye now for over twenty years and have never talked publicly about being a domestic abuse and sexual assault survivor. This isn’t because I’m ashamed those things happened to me, but because they’re traumatic to revisit and remember. I also feel protective of my daughter from my first marriage. I didn’t want to claim sole ownership of a story that belongs to her, too. However, a short while ago, I asked her how she’d feel if I were publicly honest about that part of my life, and she encouraged me to go ahead.

I’m mentioning these things now not in an attempt to garner sympathy, but out of solidarity with the huge numbers of women who have histories like mine, who’ve been slurred as bigots for having concerns around single-sex spaces.

I managed to escape my first violent marriage with some difficulty, but I’m now married to a truly good and principled man, safe and secure in ways I never in a million years expected to be. However, the scars left by violence and sexual assault don’t disappear, no matter how loved you are, and no matter how much money you’ve made. My perennial jumpiness is a family joke – and even I know it’s funny – but I pray my daughters never have the same reasons I do for hating sudden loud noises, or finding people behind me when I haven’t heard them approaching.

If you could come inside my head and understand what I feel when I read about a trans woman dying at the hands of a violent man, you’d find solidarity and kinship. I have a visceral sense of the terror in which those trans women will have spent their last seconds on earth, because I too have known moments of blind fear when I realised that the only thing keeping me alive was the shaky self-restraint of my attacker.

I believe the majority of trans-identified people not only pose zero threat to others, but are vulnerable for all the reasons I’ve outlined. Trans people need and deserve protection. Like women, they’re most likely to be killed by sexual partners. Trans women who work in the sex industry, particularly trans women of colour, are at particular risk. Like every other domestic abuse and sexual assault survivor I know, I feel nothing but empathy and solidarity with trans women who’ve been abused by men.

So I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe. When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman – and, as I’ve said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside. That is the simple truth.

On Saturday morning, I read that the Scottish government is proceeding with its controversial gender recognition plans, which will in effect mean that all a man needs to ‘become a woman’ is to say he’s one. To use a very contemporary word, I was ‘triggered’. Ground down by the relentless attacks from trans activists on social media, when I was only there to give children feedback about pictures they’d drawn for my book under lockdown, I spent much of Saturday in a very dark place inside my head, as memories of a serious sexual assault I suffered in my twenties recurred on a loop. That assault happened at a time and in a space where I was vulnerable, and a man capitalised on an opportunity. I couldn’t shut out those memories and I was finding it hard to contain my anger and disappointment about the way I believe my government is playing fast and loose with womens and girls’ safety.

Late on Saturday evening, scrolling through children’s pictures before I went to bed, I forgot the first rule of Twitter – never, ever expect a nuanced conversation – and reacted to what I felt was degrading language about women. I spoke up about the importance of sex and have been paying the price ever since. I was transphobic, I was a cunt, a bitch, a TERF, I deserved cancelling, punching and death. You are Voldemort said one person, clearly feeling this was the only language I’d understand.

It would be so much easier to tweet the approved hashtags – because of course trans rights are human rights and of course trans lives matter – scoop up the woke cookies and bask in a virtue-signalling afterglow. There’s joy, relief and safety in conformity. As Simone de Beauvoir also wrote, “… without a doubt it is more comfortable to endure blind bondage than to work for one’s liberation; the dead, too, are better suited to the earth than the living.”

Huge numbers of women are justifiably terrified by the trans activists; I know this because so many have got in touch with me to tell their stories. They’re afraid of doxxing, of losing their jobs or their livelihoods, and of violence.

But endlessly unpleasant as its constant targeting of me has been, I refuse to bow down to a movement that I believe is doing demonstrable harm in seeking to erode ‘woman’ as a political and biological class and offering cover to predators like few before it. I stand alongside the brave women and men, gay, straight and trans, who’re standing up for freedom of speech and thought, and for the rights and safety of some of the most vulnerable in our society: young gay kids, fragile teenagers, and women who’re reliant on and wish to retain their single sex spaces. Polls show those women are in the vast majority, and exclude only those privileged or lucky enough never to have come up against male violence or sexual assault, and who’ve never troubled to educate themselves on how prevalent it is.

The one thing that gives me hope is that the women who can protest and organise, are doing so, and they have some truly decent men and trans people alongside them. Political parties seeking to appease the loudest voices in this debate are ignoring women’s concerns at their peril. In the UK, women are reaching out to each other across party lines, concerned about the erosion of their hard-won rights and widespread intimidation. None of the gender critical women I’ve talked to hates trans people; on the contrary. Many of them became interested in this issue in the first place out of concern for trans youth, and they’re hugely sympathetic towards trans adults who simply want to live their lives, but who’re facing a backlash for a brand of activism they don’t endorse. The supreme irony is that the attempt to silence women with the word ‘TERF’ may have pushed more young women towards radical feminism than the movement’s seen in decades.

The last thing I want to say is this. I haven’t written this essay in the hope that anybody will get out a violin for me, not even a teeny-weeny one. I’m extraordinarily fortunate; I’m a survivor, certainly not a victim. I’ve only mentioned my past because, like every other human being on this planet, I have a complex backstory, which shapes my fears, my interests and my opinions. I never forget that inner complexity when I’m creating a fictional character and I certainly never forget it when it comes to trans people.

All I’m asking – all I want – is for similar empathy, similar understanding, to be extended to the many millions of women whose sole crime is wanting their concerns to be heard without receiving threats and abuse.

#Jk Rowling #Jkr #Transgender #Terf #Gender critical #Radfem

[some-jw-things]

if you dont mind explaining, what did the organisation do that it gives you such reaction? im not jw/exjw myself, im just following this blog because i wanna keep myself educated on all sorts of issues, but if you dont want to its absolutely fine

I mean Jehovahs Witnesses are blatantly a cult. That’s been explained pretty thoroughly by a lot of people.

I guess “this organization is a cult” can be hard to understand what that actually means. On a personal level, it defined my entire life. When I introduced myself to new people, the first thing I said was that I was one of Jehovah’s Witnesses. It was my entire identity. I actually think of myself back when I still believed in it as a completely different person than who I am now. I consider my old self to be dead, and so does my family.

When I told them I wanted to leave the cult, they mourned me. They cried for months. They raged and got angry. My sister refused to even look at me for days. In the span of one sentence, I lost my whole family, all of my friends, and my entire community. I was shunned, and they blamed me for abandoning them.

And I knew that would happen. They had always made it perfectly clear that love was conditional. I was told flat out— multiple times— that I would get kicked out of the house if I got disfellowshipped. My dad told me as a child that he would stop supporting me if I ever went to college, because every Witness he knows who’s ever gone has left the Truth. He also told me that the day I turned eighteen he would make me pay rent to keep living in his house unless I was preaching full time. All of that later turned out to be empty threats and a doctor told me that last part was actually illegal, but my family made sure I grew up believing it.

I was only loved so long as I followed the rules. This is standard practice for Jehovah’s Witnesses. I am lucky I got off as light as I did and wasn’t kicked out on the street. Even that only happened due to a technicality and how obviously mentally ill I was at that point.

Jehovah’s Witnesses’ theology is the reason I started self-harming. I was afab and when I was fifteen I spent a month asking why God thought women were innately lesser than men. That culminated in a big family discussion where I got anxious enough to start scratching at my lip over and over until I had a massive gash. My family watched. My mother made a token protest that I listened to for about three seconds. I walked away from that conversation with the knowledge that I needed to keep my mouth shut because certain questions were actually not allowed and a brand new bad habit.

I created an entire system for myself based on rigid discipline and punishment and the idea that any mistake meant I didn’t deserve to feel un-miserable, which is exactly the sort of mentality that this all-or-nothing religious purism breeds.

I was institutionalized in hospital psychiatric wards four times in the year after I left, and one more time about a year after that. The high school attempted to put me in foster care then, out of concern for my safety if I continued living in that environment. My mother supported the idea

The first time I remember sincerely contemplating suicide was when I was thirteen. My thoughts then were just that I figured I would never be able to hold off killing myself long enough to live to be eighteen. I felt trapped. I was specifically thinking I would never have the guts to be able to pry myself out of the Org and so I would be stuck in it forever. The JW lifestyle is miserable in a way I can’t express

I have comforted my little sister while she’s had a break down crying in the bathroom during meeting because the talk was about Armageddon and she didn’t think our dad would make it into Paradise. She had to stop attending public school because of panic attacks. She was suicidal too at one point, but our mom thought she wasn’t as bad as me and therefore was making it up for attention

Jehovah’s Witnesses by and large treat mental illness with prayer and talking to the elders. The majority of teenage girls in my congregation had severe unaddressed issues. The Society has whole articles on how sometimes the answer IS demonic possession. Their version of Paradise is a eugenics fantasy

At one point an elder comforted my family by telling them that Jehovah likely didn’t view my choice to leave as legitimate due to my mental issues. They have official articles calling all apostates “mentally diseased,” and how am I supposed to argue why that’s wrong?

The majority of Jehovah’s Witnesses’ teachings are bigoted and hateful. They have a cute little kids cartoon that compares the evil gays to terrorists. I was taught the mark of Cain and curse of Esau were responsible for the existence of other races. JW women are required to submit to their husbands and fathers no matter what, and divorce is a sin that will get you shunned. Trans people are forced to live as their agab, gay people have to remain celibate and never date. The elders reserve the right to out you to whoever they want, whenever they want.

There have been so many talks that have sent me running off somewhere private to cry and panic

There’s this little girl in the hall who was friends with my sister. She had needed a blood transfusion when she was a baby. Her parents had been willing to let her die, but the courts stepped in and took her away for a few days. She was given the blood transfusion, lived, and at thirteen had a crying breakdown in the middle of the hall because the talk had just said she would never make it into Paradise now. Usually though, if you’re old enough to speak for yourself, they let you die

My parents have had three bankruptcies and they mock me for saving money. They live as if the world is going to end at any moment. There’s no such thing as a future

The world has been about to end since my grandma was little. That’s a running joke. She’s lived through more changes to the Org than I’ll ever know about. My family has been ruthlessly controlled by this organization for generations. My family aren’t allowed to accept me even if they wanted to. I’ve seen this Org ruin so many people’s lives in a whole variety of ways. Three other kids I grew up with have been disfellowshipped since becoming adults. There are others who I don’t think could leave unless they literally ran away in secret

JW ideology loans itself to a certain style of parenting and that has consequences. They control every aspect of members’ lives. Behavior, dress, speech, career, free time, friends, which family you’re allowed to see, what media you can consume. The thoughts you are allowed to have. I’ve been sent into a spiraling panic before over the idea that “I shouldn’t be thinking that”

The Org barred outside ideas and all criticism. They forcibly kept me in the dark. Members are intentionally isolated from not just all outsiders, but also all outside opinions. I was raised in a way intended to make me an outcast everywhere but within the Org. I was told never to read about Jehovah’s Witnesses from any writer other than the Society itself. I was told never to listen to its critics. I was told that reading forbidden books would get me possessed by demons

The Society controlled and defined my entire life and somehow still manages to do so even after I’ve left. Every member I know has been hurt by it. I’m just the one who won’t forgive

#i feel like this doesnt explain anytthing but whatever #tw #suicide ideation #self harm #ask #ex jw #ex cult #apostate #ex jehovah’s witness #christianity #religion #exjw

[bigskydreaming]

lesbianscottsummers replied to your post:

Jfc. Okay, let me be perfectly fucking clear,...

I just wanna day as an inc*st survivor myself I’m so sorry what has happened to you, what these anons are putting you through, and what they will undoubtably continue to put you through. I’m here if you ever need to vent/talk/etc ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜❤️

*hugs to you for your shit as well* 

Thanks, I appreciate it, but honestly I’ll be fine. The thing none of these anons ever get is how fucking powerless and pointless they are. Its like....LMFAO, I’ve survived abuse, rape, and a gaybashing. You really think your shitty little hostile messages are what’s going to break me or shut me up? LOL, please. You’re embarrassing yourselves. The most they’ve ever managed is being obnoxious gnats that are hard to swat and annoy the shit out of me.

Tbh, its not the anons that really bother me. Its the silence about their behavior. I’ve been out here catching shit like this for years...and so does most every other survivor I know who’s vocal about their trauma and how unsupported they feel by the very fandoms that pay the most lip service to caring about abuse, rape and rape culture. Not to mention all my friends of color who are vocal about racism, etc, etc.

And yet how many non-survivors (most white, because let’s be real, the vast majority of other ‘antis’ who are non-survivors themselves are people of color due to the overlap between people who fetishize and invalidate racial generational trauma and people who fetishize and invalidate survivor trauma of all types and individuals).....like, time and time again, you hear about ‘anti’ behavior and how disruptive it is to fandoms....with this signalboosted and perpetuated by people who just claim they want to ‘stay out of it’ and be civil and mannered and can’t we all just get along....

Well, no. We fucking can’t.....because the day some of us, whether survivors, people of color, nonbinary or trans individuals, started to say “hey, there are elements of fandom that actively are HARMFUL and ostracizing to us” a lot of people decided they just didn’t want to hear that, and only peeked their heads up to acknowledge when ‘antis’ rocked the boat a little too loudly.

But yeah, its only us who go around harassing people, never the other way around. At least, that’s the impression anyone would get from looking at any of the blogs of people who just want everyone to be nice and civil to each other....but only seem to get the alert when that goes in the direction that requires zero action on their part.

I mean, just speaking strictly to matters pertaining to being an abuse/rape survivor, I’m just so fucking sick of hearing all the lip service about how “I support survivors”.....from people who then make it clear that only is actionable for them WHEN NO ACTION IS ACTUALLY REQUIRED.

Hence why there’s always that tiny little qualifier in arguments around various forms of ‘anti’ discourse.....stuff pertaining to rape, incest and pedophilia fetishization....so many people when they say they support survivors in fandom ACTUALLY seem to mean “well I really MOSTLY support the survivors who say they write these things to cope, because even though I don’t ship or read or write these things myself, I support their right to do so, as opposed to those other ‘anti’ survivors’ right to have fandom experiences that don’t require being IMMERSED 24/7 in romanticized reminders of their own traumas.’

*Shrugs* I’m sick of it. I’ve watched it happen for YEARS, being right in the middle of it, and no one can tell me this isn’t EXACTLY what’s been happening for all this time, and why so many fandoms have remained exactly the way they are, problems and all, with zero effort to change or be more inclusive of all the people on the margins for various reasons saying “HEY WHAT ABOUT US”....and then turning around and patting themselves on the back for being so civilized, so courteous, so ABOVE descending into the kind of barbaric behavior that only antis are guilty of. Never the reverse. Never the things that INSPIRE our anger or vitriol as a reaction to the fact that we’re just trying to fucking EXIST in fandom spaces and everyone else who was just fine with the way things are now saying “no, change doesn’t actually work for us, because that means....effort?”

How can you say you support survivors if you never actually DO anything supportive? How can you say you support people of color if you never actually SPEAK UP for them when you see or are surrounded by blatantly evident racism? How can you say you support LGBTQ+ individuals if your READING PREFERENCES are more of a priority to you than their living experiences?

I’m not pissed off about the barrage of insects in my inbox, honestly. 

I’m pissed off by the crickets that resound from everyone who at other times is first in line to say “I absolutely support xyz! Just, y’know, in that quiet, invisible way that’s more enabling of toxic, harmful, racist, homophobic, transphobic and rape-culture tropes and individuals than like....the actual people I’m claiming to actually support.”

Here’s a “if a tree falls in the middle of the forest and no one’s around to hear it, does it make a sound” for the social media age:

“If your support can’t be pointed to, quantified, singled out, observed, identified, or in any way meaningfully proven to exist....then DOES IT?”

Idk. I mean, I just really love how in just the few months I’ve been an active presence in this particular fandom, I’ve garnered a reputation of being unreasonable and disruptive and overly aggressive....all while sticking ENTIRELY to my own blog, not going NEAR any tags, only jumping on someone else’s post a grand total of three times that I can think of....and all while my own fandom related posts are continually garnering hundreds and even thousands of notes and being spread around by people who at the same time actively avoid interacting with me as an individual because I’m ‘unpleasant’.....as opposed to all the big name incest shippers who well, even if someone doesn’t ship those icky things themselves, at least they can say those incest and pedophilia shippers are a lot less disruptive and unpleasant to be around and know how to be polite and well-mannered.

LOLOL.

When civility is indistinguishable from apathy, you’ve fucking missed the entire freaking point of civility. 

THAT’S why I don’t bother blunting myself with it, when I don’t particularly feel civil. Because its become pointless. People have fucking WEAPONIZED it to use it to silence people, and that’s so gross to me. Nobody benefits from that unless they’re already benefiting from the status quo, and the status quo is fucking gross to me too.

My question, to all the people who see things they think are wrong and never say a damn word about it...is and will always be:

WHY????

[four-luck-o-brien]

Fanfiction: Coming out is the easy part

One shot collection about Peter Parker. At night he is our favourite friendly neighborhood Spider Man but during the day he is just a normal transgender boy.

Current chapter: 1 Stick to the script (Coming out to Tony)

Summary: Peter has a hard time coming out to Tony.

Characters: Peter Parker | Tony Stark | Ned Leeds (minor character)

tags: Trans!PeterParker | Hurt/Comfort | dysphoria | Dad!Tony | awkward fluff | Tony Stark has a heart

Special thanks to @transpeterparkers who prompted me and was overall very nice and encouraging. Check out their blog. They are amazing.

read on ao3

Chapter 1: Stick to the script (Coming out to Tony)          

Peter was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. Dressed only in boxers and a wide shirt, he listened to the noise of the cars that were passing by, the noise of the people who came from parties and were now going home, shouting and laughing. He heard every step they took, every little stone they kicked while walking. Tonight was one of those nights in which Peter was hyper aware of everything and it drove him crazy.

Sometimes he wished that his spider senses had an off switch. He couldn’t focus, he couldn’t think and worst of all, he couldn’t sleep. He had been lying like this for what felt like hours to him.

Turning his head to look at the clock on his nightstand, he realized that only 20 minutes had passed since he had sneaked into his room through the window. He groaned loudly and rubbed his face with both of his hands. He hated this.

A sudden flash of energy rushed through his body and with a swift movement he jumped out of bed, backflipped once and found himself hanging from the ceiling, his hands tying a tight knot into the side of his shirt so it wouldn’t slide up and expose his skin. If there was one thing he didn’t need tonight it was thinking about how much he hated his body sometimes. Being trans came with a lot of ups and downs and recently the downs weighed more heavily on his chest than usual.

As if on queue, a sharp pain ran through his ribs, reminding him again why he was not supposed to wear a binder all day and especially not when he was fighting. He couldn’t do anything about it, though. He knew it was unhealthy. He knew it was wrong but the suit was tight and a sportsbra could just not achieve the same effect as his binder. People would see that Spider Man was not so much a man as he would like to be. Peter cursed angrily. Now he was thinking about it after all.

He let his arms dangle towards the ground before he started swinging lightly back and forth. Peter had noticed some time ago that this had a soothing effect on his body and sometimes it would even help him to clear his mind. Not tonight, however.

“You should just tell Mr. Stark,” he mumbled to himself.

Maybe then they could look into safer ways for him to bind and be Spider Man. He had been telling himself many times in the past months that after everything Mr Stark had done for him, he deserved to know. There was one little thing holding him back, however: fear.

Tony Stark was one of the manliest man Peter had ever seen. His perfectly groomed goatee, his overall appearance, his mannerisms – everything about him just screamed male. Not the body builder kind of manliness like Thor or the powerful athletic type of man that is Captain America. Peter couldn’t really find the right words to describe the type of man that Tony Stark was, but it was everything he had always aspired to be since watching the press conference in which he had confidently announced that he was Iron Man.

He had always idolized him and after that incident at Stark Expo, his adoration for the billionaire genius had just grown. Sometimes he couldn’t believe that Mr Stark actually knew who he was, that he had been at his apartment and that he had crafted a suit just for him.

What would he do if he found out that Peter used to be a girl? Would he hate him? Would he take away his suit because it’s only meant for real men?

It was 2016 and people still had many prejudices. There were many who hated everything Peter was and stood for. He had been called many names and choruses of “Penis Parker” still followed him wherever he went at school. It hurt but it was manageable on most days. But what would Mr Stark say?

Peter swung forth and let go of the ceiling, flipped and landed on the floor without making any noise at all. He wanted to believe that Tony Stark wasn’t a transphobe. He wanted to believe that Tony Stark would like him no matter what.

He threw himself onto his bed, grabbing his mask from the desk in the process and stared at it for a while. The eyes were crinkled and it felt like they were looking back, mocking him for his thoughts.

“I am Spider Man!”, he said much louder and with more conviction than he expected. Yes, Peter thought, he had proven himself and Mr Stark had acknowledged him, too. He would not hate him.

He put on the mask with practiced ease and determination but once his eyes had gotten used to the fabric he wasn’t quite sure what his intention had been.

“Karen?”, he whispered into the dark. It wasn’t even odd to say his old name out loud. The AI in his suit was a part of him and naming her Karen was his way of finally letting go of his past and make peace with himself, at least partly.

“Yes?”, she answered back and Peter automatically felt a little calmer. Knowing that she was with him gave him a weird sense of security. He smiled slightly but he couldn’t quite push past his worries.

“Do you think Mr Stark likes me?”, he asked before he could stop himself.

“I don’t know,” she replied in her usual neutral tone and Peter sighed inwardly. Of course she didn’t know. It had been a stupid question to begin with anyways.

“But Mr Stark seems to be worried about you. He checks in on your locati-”.

“Because he doesn’t trust me!”, Peter interrupted and felt a bit more miserable.

“-on and development. He is interested in how you handle the many functions and abilities of your suit. He left you a message 10 minutes ago. Shall I play it?”

Peter was baffled for a second and nodded slightly. “Oh… y-yes, please.”

“Hey kid. I’ve got a bit of time at hand this weekend. I need you to come over for an upgrade of your suit. And when we’re at it, we can get you a bit more comfortable with how to handle the suit adequately since you skipped a couple of lessons of the training program. Text Happy when he should pick you up. He loves driving you around.”

A grin spread on Peter’s face. He would spend a whole weekend with Mr Stark? And he wouldn’t only upgrade his suit but also train him? That sounded great and he couldn’t wait for it to be weekend. He sat up, suddenly pumped with energy.

However, his grin vanished as fast as it had appeared when a new thought came to his mind. A weekend had definitely more than 8 hours and there was only so much time Peter could wear his binder without it hurting and getting dangerously unhealthy.

“Shit,” he muttered and let himself fall back onto his sheets, all of his energy gone immediately. The biting fear came back, crawling slowly into his mind. He would have to tell him after all…

*~*~*

After the plane incident Happy had tried to be nicer to him. He didn’t necessarily talk more, nor was he delighted whenever he had to babysit Peter, but he seemed to be less annoyed with him, which was a start in Peter’s eyes. He was also convinced that Happy had smiled about something he had said an hour ago. That smile had been more like a half sided muscle twitching around the corner of Happy’s lips, but he took everything he got. Peter was a hundred percent certain that Happy was warming up to him. He wished, however, that this warming up involved his talkativeness in certain situations because he really could need some distraction right now.

They were sitting in the car, driving silently. Peter couldn’t think of anything clever or witty to say, also he didn’t really trust himself at the moment. Wouldn’t be the first time that he accidentally came out, just because his mind was so preoccupied with the thought: ‘How do I tell this person I like that I am trans?’ So instead of trying to start a conversation with Happy, he fumbled on the hem of his hoodie while trying to concentrate on the passing landscape. However, his mind was racing.

Peter was scared and would have given a lot to put on his spidey mask just to get Karen to calm him down. He had been rehearsing this coming out talk to Mr Stark at least 30 times during the past days and nights and was prepared for every scenario. At least he hoped so. And yet he was nervous and absolutely terrified.

It would be quite helpful of Mr Stark to stick to one of the scripts in his head. The thought was obviously quite ridiculous but it gave Peter some kind of security. If things went not as planned, Peter could still bail. His back up plan was just leaving in the dead of the night, which was why he was already wearing the web shooters underneath his hoodie. He tried to calm himself down, thinking of Ned and how supportive his friend had been. He usually found the right words to make him feel better.

 - - - - -

“I don’t know how to tell him. I just…,” Peter let out a sigh. He was hanging upside down from Ned’s bed, his hair nearly touching the floor. He was solving a 12 sided magic cube but barely paid attention to it. Instead he looked helplessly at Ned who was sitting next to him, his legs stretched out over Peter’s and his laptop on his lap.

“Just do it the way you did it with me,” Ned replied with a grin but his eyes were still focused on the screen before him.

Peter smacked his friend’s arm playfully. “I can’t just blurt out 'I’m trans’ when he asks me if I want ketchup on my fries.”

“Worked for me, didn’t it?”

“Ned!”, Peter whined and let his arms drop to the floor. The magic cube rolled out of his hands and Peter observed with mild interest that it managed to cover an astounding distance for a thing that consisted solely out of edges. It stopped inches from the Stormtrooper which they had build last year.

It was Ned’s turn to sigh, but he closed his laptop and looked down to his friend.

“Pete, seriously. What is the worst that can happen?”

Peter used his hands to heave himself up onto the bed again. He faced Ned, but avoided his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

“He could take away the suit,” he replied, knowing full well that this was not the worst scenario he had imagined, but Ned didn’t need to know that.

“Tony Stark built that suit for you. He came to you and asked for your help. He took you to Germany to fight freaking Captain America and he continues to upgrade your suit every other week. He needs you, Peter! He needs you as Spider Man. So why would that change just because you were born with the wrong genitals?”

“I don’t know… people are jerks.”

“People are. Flash is. But do you really think Stark’s like that? He seems to be quite a nice guy. I mean, dude, he sent me a 'best chair guy’ certificate because I helped you with that vulture villain. All I got from school was detention.”

“You told them you watched porn on the school computer, Ned!”

“My point still stands,” Ned huffed but put his laptop on the floor to move closer to Peter. He put his hand onto Peter’s shoulder and smiled encouragingly. “Come on. It will be fine. Just be honest and tell him. I’m at least 80 percent certain that Stark doesn’t care what you have in your pants. I know that I don’t care and neither should he. You’re still the same guy and one of the best dudes I know. And if he is a jerk about it, he didn’t deserve you in the first place.”

Peter was close to tears. Instead of going for their usual handshake, he hugged his friend tightly. “Thank you, mate.”

- - - -

Peter had zoned out a little while thinking about Ned. That happened to him occasionally, mostly because thinking about his friend made him feel better and calmed his nerves. Now that he slowly came back to reality, he realized that something was different.

“Wait,” he muttered in confusion, rubbing his eyes, “that’s not the road we usually take to the compound.”

Now Happy actually grinned somewhat teasingly. “I wondered when you’d be picking up on that. Took you much longer than I expected. And here Tony said you’re a smart kid.”

Peter knew that Happy was just joking, but his brain was busy with the overload of emotions it was currently experiencing. They were not going to the compound? Where else could he meet Mr Stark? And Happy had not only smiled but also teased him like they were old friends? And most importantly: Mr Stark had said that he thought Peter was smart?

He tried not to stutter when he asked excitedly: “W-where are we going then?”

“Tony is going to meet you at his house. It’s sort of a privilege, you know? None of the other Avengers know Tony’s new home address. Well Rhodey does of course but anyways - you better keep your mouth shut and don’t tell anyone about this.”

Happy got serious during the last part and Peter remembered that he had been Head of Security some time ago. Peter also remembered seeing on the news how Mr Stark’s house in Malibu had been completely destroyed by missiles. He nodded in silence. He had never been surer that this was a secret, he would definitely keep to himself. It also helped that he hadn’t paid too much attention to where they were going.

That nod seemed to be enough for Happy because he hummed approvingly and then fell silent again. The car stopped shortly after that and Peter positively gaped at the house in front of him. It was huge and from what he could see in the dark it looked really beautiful. White walls, big windows and several pillars; the soft light which was shining through the windows gave everything a welcoming gleam.

Happy ushered him in. Mr Stark was nowhere to be seen but Happy, either having gotten instructions or being used to this guest thing, showed him around the house. Peter got a quick look at his room which seemed to be twice the size of his own bedroom but was similarly equipped. Double bed in the corner, a book shelf with a mixture of science literature and, weirdly enough, comics, and a desk by the window on which a computer screen was seated. Adding some posters and some merchandise and it would make the perfect room. He knew it was just the guest room but a boy was allowed to dream. And who wouldn’t dream about living in a house like this? Not that he wanted to move in here but it somehow gave him a nice feeling to think of it as his room in the Stark house. Peter decided against leaving his backpack in his room. He didn’t know whether Mr Stark wanted to work on the suit immediately and that way he was prepared (and hopefully left a good impression).

When they reached the big and elegant living room, Mr Stark entered the room and gave Peter his characteristic half smile. “Ah… FRIDAY said you arrived. Thanks, Hap. Good job.”

It was weird to see Mr Stark in anything else than a suit but here he stood, sporting a Black Sabbath shirt and black jeans. He was holding a big glass in his hand which was filled with the green stuff Peter had seen him drink at the Avengers compound, too.

“Come on, kiddo,” he said and went back downstairs again. Peter nodded at Happy with a big grin on his face before he hurried behind Mr Stark.

It turned out that the cellar of the house was a workshop. There were many screens, computers, Iron Man suits and loose parts of different Avengers equipment. Peter spotted a black bow, wings and a familiar shield. It seemed as if Mr Stark still tried to enhance the weapons of his team mates, even after what happened in Germany.

They moved towards the console but another thing caught Peter’s eyes: It was a robot which was shaped like an arm. It followed their movements and when Peter passed it, he heard an excited noise. He stopped in his tracks and looked at it with a frown on his face.

“That’s Dum-E.”

The robot made another noise and Peter smiled at it. “Does it… understand us?”

“He is sentient for the most part, if that is what you wanna know. Well, for a robot at least. First thing I built back when I was 16.”

Peter stared at Mr Stark in surprise. That was probably the first time he had revealed something personal about himself. Dum-E made another noise and poked him into his side. Peter laughed, put his hand onto the metal and patted it lightly. The robot hummed somewhat contently.

“It is a bit like a big dog.”

Mr Stark smirked a little but there was sadness lingering in his eyes. He had the feeling there was a much bigger story behind Dum-E than just a smart teenager building a robot.

“What’s it for?” Peter asked, his curiosity getting the better of him. He turned his head a little to see more of its mechanics. If he had to take a guess, he’d say that it was some sort of assistance robot what with the hand and shape of it. He wondered if its movement was accurate enough to help with soldering small bits and pieces.

“Not much. He is quite useless actually. Messing up everything.”

“Yet you still have it? Why didn’t you upgrade it? Or you know… throw it out?”, Peter asked with a hint of disappointment in his voice.

Mr Stark turned around, leaning over one of the many consoles so that Peter couldn’t see his face. But his voice sounded different when he replied: “Didn’t really think of that. He is…”

“like a friend?” Peter finished for him before he could stop himself.

“Don’t be silly. He is a robot.”

“But that doesn’t mean it can’t…”

Mr Stark turned around seemingly annoyed: “Just drop it, kid. We’re not here to chitchat.”

Peter was taken aback by that sudden mood change. It wasn’t a bad thing to have an emotional connection to inanimate objects. He still owned his very first stuffed animal: a white tiger which he had taken literally anywhere when he was still a child. Sure, it was different because Peter was only 15 but he knew for sure that he wouldn’t throw this tiger away. It was the only thing he had left that reminded him somewhat of his parents. But Mr Stark was different and obviously he seemed to have overstepped the boundaries. Just when he opened his mouth to apologize, Mr Stark cut him off.

“I’m sorry, kiddo. It’s just… a touchy topic. Anyways,” he cleared his throat and turned back to the console again. He wordlessly held out his hand to Peter but didn’t take his eyes off the screen.

Peter wasn’t quite sure what that gesture was supposed to mean. Was that Mr Stark’s way of asking for affection? Some people liked a pat on the back, Ned and Peter preferred hugs, MJ liked to punch people encouragingly into the side; so maybe Mr Stark asked for some sort of affection like this? Peter put his own hand onto the outstretched one and squeezed it in what he hoped was an encouraging way.

Mr Stark turned his head around, looked at him, looked at their hands and then looked back at him again, one eyebrow raised. “What are you doing?”

“I just thought… I- euh….” Quickly he let go of Mr Stark’s hand again, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment.

“Your suit. You’re supposed to give me your suit,” he said, rolling his eyes in annoyance.

“Yeah… that’s what I thought it meant.”

Peter kneeled down and took a lot of time to rummage through his backpack to find the suit,even though there was not much in his bag and his hand had easily found the soft fabric at least 3 times already. His cheeks were burning and he really just wanted to leave the room Alternatively he’d also like to bang his head against the wall. He had probably never felt more embarrassed in his life. He felt reminded of that hug incident some months ago in the car. He didn’t know why these things always had to happen with Mr Stark. He just wanted to impress him and not make a fool out of himself every single time he was alone with his idol. Why did he have to be so awkward all the time when all he wanted to do is appear smart and cool?

Once Peter felt that he was in control of his body again, he pulled the suit out of the backpack and gave it to Mr Stark.

*~*~*

Peter watched Mr Stark while he typed something on the keyboard, he watched the hologram of his own suit appear and spin around. He didn’t exactly pay attention to what he was doing with the suit, nor did he listen very attentively to Mr Stark’s explanations. It should have been fascinating to him and in every other moment that is exactly what it would have been. When Peter saw his suit, however, he was reminded what he wanted to do. The awkward situation just now definitely didn’t help to boost his confidence.

“You okay?”

Peter startled. “Y-yeah. Sure.”

Mr Stark again raised one eyebrow and looked at him. “You sure about that? You seem a little distracted.”

“Well… it’s just- I mean – you have a lot of stuff here. It’s really overwhelming. I… euh. There is just so much to look at.” Peter lied and wished he were better at it. He felt caught off guard and definitely not ready to have this talk now. In his mind he was still trying to get over his embarrassment. The fear was back now, too and he couldn’t help but think of all the things that could go wrong. His lie had apparently not been very convincing because from the looks of it, Mr Stark didn’t buy it at all. “Mr Stark, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…”

“Let me stop you right there.” He got up from his chair and stood before him.

Peter felt very small all of a sudden and looked down. Even though he was Spider Man, he wished that he had the same feeling of self-confidence whenever he was not wearing his suit. Being snarky and having witty combats for every situation would be so useful. Instead he was standing here in the workshop of his hero and stared at his own shows. Only when he felt a hand on his shoulder he raised his head again.

“You don’t need to apologize but you really have to work on your lying skills. Not that I would ever encourage you to lie, but keeping secrets can sometimes come in handy. Don’t tell your aunt I said that! But seriously, I know something’s up when you’re not talking 100 miles per hour. Happy mentioned that you were awfully quiet during the car ride, too. So what’s wrong?”

Peter briefly wondered when Happy had had time to report to Mr Stark but he couldn’t concentrate on that thought for long. Here it was. This was his queue to come clean. It would be fine. It just had to be fine. Peter took a deep breath: “Actually… There is something I need to talk to you about.”

It felt like a confession even though he hadn’t said anything yet. Peter used his fingers to comb through his hair, a gesture he only found soothing when Aunt May did it but she wasn’t here and he had to try to calm his nerves somehow.

Mr Stark looked pleased, probably because he had been right about him but stayed silent. Peter sighed and moved to sit on one of the chairs behind him.

“Ah, it’s a sitting down 'I need to talk to you’ situation. You better not tell me you found a different mentor. If it’s the star spangled man with a plan I’ll be super angry.”

Peter understood the reference but he couldn’t bring himself to laugh or even smile. His nerves were killing him. Mr Stark seemed to notice that the situation was serious. He took a chair of his own, pushed it next to where Peter was sitting and sat down, facing him.

“Okay, Pete. What’s wrong?”

Peter took one last deep breath and then he let it all out. “Okay. The thing is… I want you to know this because I have actually grown really fond of you and you’ve been so nice and supportive and I am sorry for what I did on the ship and for not listening to you and I am trans and I just want you to accept me and the suit is great but I can’t really wear a binder underneath and I just-”

Mr Stark raised his hands to shut him up. “Pete, slow down and breathe. You don’t have to take the 100 miles per hour seriously. I won’t get any of that if you make one long word out of a hundred syllables.”

This was terrible and definitely didn’t go the way he had planned. The only good thing was that Mr Stark was still here, sitting next to him and smiling encouragingly. It would be okay. It just had to be.

“I am trans,” he whispered, avoiding to look at the man before him, “I used to be a girl but I am not anymore. I am on testosterone but I don’t get the shots as regularly as I should because May can’t afford them. I also think that the spider venom in me might be messing with it but I can’t say for sure. And I love the suit you made me but it’s very tight and I still have… well.. I haven’t had top surgery yet because I am only 15 and… well money. So I wear a binder underneath which is really unhealthy but I couldn’t bring myself to tell you because I was afraid you’d… and my uncle died but shortly after that you were there and I just want you to like me back in a way. That’s why I wanted you to know, not really because of the suit but because you’re somewhat like a father to me.. I should really stop talking now.”

He had spilled out everything. Every little thing he had thought about in the past months and much more than he had planned on telling Mr Stark. It was stupid to see him as a father considering that he barely knew the man but it just felt nice. Especially after his own parents and Uncle Ben had died, dreaming to have Tony Stark as a father had been so soothing to his bleeding soul. He knew that it was mostly his adoration for him which made him dream about that. But it was too late now. He had spilled the beans and couldn’t take any of this back anymore.

Scared what he would see, he raised his head and looked up.

Tony Stark was stunned. His face was ashen and Peter couldn’t quite read the expression on it. Was it scared? Disgusted? Pitiful? Peter didn’t know what to make out of it and felt terribly sick. He needed to bail and that immediately.

*~*~*

He had fled the workshop, mumbling wild excuses about how it’s been a long day and that he was tired and Mr Stark let him leave. Now he was in the guest room, pacing like a tiger in a cage. He didn’t know what to do now.

He left the suit in the workshop with Mr Stark but he still had his web shooters, so plan B could hypothetically still work. Peter stopped at the window and looked out. There was not much out there which he could use for his webbing. He’d have to walk quite a bit. And if he was honest, he didn’t even know in which direction he would have to go. His plan had involved an escape from the Avengers compound which was on familiar grounds. He didn’t expect to be at Tony Stark’s house for the weekend. Since he didn’t have the suit, he didn’t have Karen either and his phone was in his backpack which he had left in the workshop when he fled the scene because apparently he was an idiot.

Peter cursed and started pacing again. He couldn’t believe what he had said downstairs. His plan had been to come out to Mr Stark and not tell him all the other things that were going on in his stupid brain.

There was a knock on the door and Peter was not only pulled out of his thought but also lost his grip. He fell down and barely managed to pull the mattress from the bed with his web and landed rather smoothly on his butt. He took mental note to never use the ceiling for pacing again no matter how calming the prospect might be.

Another knock. “Peter? Can I talk to you?”

Mr Stark sounded uncertain and Peter tried to push away his fear. He didn’t sound as if he was angry and would throw him out of his house. He could do this. It would be fine.

“Yeah sure. Come in.” His reply sounded much calmer than he actually felt. His heart was racing, and he felt scared and sweaty. He really tried not to freak out.

The door opened slowly and Mr Stark stepped in, Peter’s backpack in one of his hands. He gave Peter, who was still sitting on the mattress on the floor, a confused look.

“Did you redecorate?”

“Sort of but I don’t think I like it.” Peter tried to sound cocky and seemed to succeed because the man smiled slightly.

“Well then we should put it back where it belongs.”

He didn’t really need help with moving the mattress back onto the bed but Peter nonetheless appreciated the gesture. It was a nice thing of Mr Stark to do and it also gave him time to think about his next words. Maybe he didn’t blow it completely.

Once they were done, they first stood awkwardly next to each other before Mr Stark sat down on the bed and Peter followed shortly after. The silence felt terrible and if Peter didn’t stop playing with the hem of his hoodie, he’d probably soon have holes in the fabric.

“Mr Stark,” Peter started but was interrupted immediately.

“Tony.”

Peter looked at him in surprise: “What?”

“It’s Tony. I wanted to tell you that before already. Just cut the Mr Stark crap and call me Tony. Everyone does and we’re gonna spend a lot of time together, so I’d appreciate it if you stopped giving me the feeling that I am old.”

Peter was stunned to silence again but his heart started beating a bit faster, for different reasons this time. There was hope because Mr Stark… Tony had used the future tense which meant that he didn’t want to get rid of him. Maybe he could keep his suit and continue being Spider Man. And maybe Mr Stark… Tony would still be his mentor. There was still hope that he hadn’t completely messed this up.

“Okay. Now that we sorted that out… your rambles from earlier.”

Sometimes Peter found the human body incredible. How it could change feelings and emotions as fast as lightening. How excitement turned into fear in just millisecond. Peter just wished he’d be able to control these damn changes better. He felt sick.

“That trans thing. I had FRIDAY look up some things in the past couple of minutes and I am sure we can find a solution for you to… euh… bind safely while wearing the suit. I am thinking of a suit that has a sports bra binder combination integrated and switches between both or something that achieves the effect of flatness while you are actually wearing a sports bra. Maybe even both methods but I would have to run some tests on that. Does this talk make you uncomfortable? It definitely makes me uncomfortable.”

Peter wasn’t sure if he should laugh or cry. He talked about this as if it was a science project and Peter knew that it probably helped him keep his cool. “It’s weird for me, too.”

“Fantastic. Then let me move on. In your Stark Internship contract it says that all of your medical bills will be paid for by Stark Industries, including everything needed for a smooth transition. Is that how you say it?”

“Since when do I have a contract?”

“Since half an hour ago,” Tony replied in a matter of fact way, rolling his eyes.

“Oh…”

There were moments when Peter felt really like an idiot and this was certainly one of them. Mr Stark… Tony had just offered to pay all of his bills so he could transition properly. Just because he could. And he used the Stark Internship as a bad cover for it. He could not believe what was happening. Maybe this was a dream after all. He pinched himself subtly. He felt the pain but still couldn’t quite believe it. He had rehearsed this talk so many times but none of his versions had been like this. He automatically felt a little bad. Did he guilt trip Mr Stark… Tony into this? That had not been his intention.

“That is very kind of you Mr… Tony but you really don’t have to do all of that.”

“Kid, I don’t make the rules. Contract is contract.”

“But…”

“Ah ah ah! I am not done yet.” He turned serious and now it was his turn to take a deep breath.

“Okay, what you said about that … parent thing….. I am not a person you should look up to, Peter. There are a lot of things not… okay with me. I’m trying to do better, sure but you need to strive for more. I told you before: I want you to be better than me. And I stick to that.”

Peter didn’t know how to respond to that so he stayed silent. Mr Stark looked at him for a while and when it became awkward he cleared his throat and nodded slightly. “Alright, good talk.”

He got up and cleared his throat again. He turned around as if to leave but stopped again. Then he quickly ruffled through Peter’s hair while muttering: “You’re a good kid, Peter.” before hurrying out of the room.

Peter looked at the strand of hair that was now hanging in his eyes and smiled softly. He lay down on the bed and felt very tired all of a sudden. All the stress and fears of the last days had just vanished into thin air.

Tony Stark was a good man and the fact that he couldn’t see it himself made Peter a little sad.

Tony was a guy who kept a useless robot because it was a friend from the past. Tony was a guy who still developed equipment for team members who were seen as criminals now. Tony offers to pay bills for a transitioning teenager just because he cares.

“Not a person I should look up to, my ass,” he mumbled to himself before closing his eyes.

Peter knew for sure that tonight he wouldn’t have any problems to fall asleep.

#trans peter parker #tony stark #trans spiderman #fanfiction #mcu

[keiths-stupid-mullet]

Alriiiight, more asks under the cut!! I don’t mind answering these, I just put them together to avoid spamming the blog too much, especially since a lot of them have some heavy topics in them. Don’t feel bad for sending them in though^^

1. NSJDKFHB LMAO RIP ANON - I wouldn’t have gotten the reference either, sorry :’D If I was the girl in question, I wouldn’t have been offended though if you explained it. I mean, if you’re comfortable enough to joke about my identity in a non-harmful way that’s actually a positive sign, right? :P

2. There is nothing bad about being cis. There is nothing bad about being heteroromantic. There is nothing bad about being heterosexual. There is nothing bad about being ace. You don’t deserve hate for any of these, just as much as others don’t deserve hate for being trans or gay. That is a fact. People are protesting for LGBT+ rights because we are human beings and deserve respect; stripping others from that respect isn’t gonna do them any good. 

Again. You don’t deserve hate for being who you are. If your friend is doing it in a joking manner, just discreetly tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. If they aren’t doing it in a joking manner... excuse me for this but fuck them. Not cool. Talking about privilege is different from spewing hate. If they can’t understand that even after it was pointed out for them, you might want to distance yourself from them. 

You are a human being, you deserve to be treated with respect, and anyone that doesn’t agree with that isn’t worth your time.

3. ...“message” like private messaging here? You are free to message me anytime, for any reason. In your case it might be a good idea to help determine if your dad is mentally abusive - although I am not an expert on that. I’m not getting abused from my family, friends or (non-existent) partner. Sure, my parents can be assholes sometimes and they are rather strict with a few rules, but that doesn’t equate abuse. My experience with (mental) abuse is limited to my first driving instructor, so keep that in mind if you decide to come to me!!

But assuming that your dad is mentally abusive. What can you do?

Again, I’m not speaking from experience, but the best thing I can think of is to tell an adult that you trust. Your mom? A teacher? A friend who might be willing to bring you to their parents? A distant relative that you might only see twice a year but is really nice? 

Experienced adults (!! don’t take someone who just turned 18!) have the power to help. They can help you go over the next few steps. If it’s bad enough, they can be on your side and contact social services. Find a therapist. When it comes to mental damage done to you by your dad, they are the best people to help. (Though that might be difficult if your dad won’t allow it.)

Basically just. Make sure you have a network of support around you. Don’t let your dad isolate yourself, that’s dangerous. It helps with getting you back on your feet and it definitely helps if you have to escape that place. 

4. I’m really not that amazing, I’m just good at pretending :P

This is gonna sound very anxiety-inducing but in my experience the best thing to do is to straight up ask :’D Like, just approach them with “hey, are you around town this weekend?” “are you free this tuesday?” “I’ve heard of ____ that reminded me of you, we should check it out sometime.” Something like that. Your intentions are pretty clear, but the statements are worded so that the other one can still pretend not to have noticed/give excuses if they don’t want to meet up.

Just. Don’t think about it too much. They are your friends, right? I’m sure stuff will work itself out^^ 

5. Wanting labels or not wanting them is both perfectly fine, don’t worry about that!! It makes sense to want them, it gives you a sense of security and understanding from others. It also makes sense not to want them, to limit yourself to something that might not describe you in your entirety. Both opinions are okay, neither of them is wrong.

As for your label - as far as I have heard, bi and pan have become pretty much synonymous these last few years. I’m not sure why they both still exist, especially with different flags and all... yeah. I don’t know much about this topic though, don’t take my word for what I just said :’D

You’re not weird for “judging people after gender”. I’m not sexually attracted to anyone, but I am biromantic, so I know that it feels different. Like. Not bad different. It’s just.... green and blue are both pretty colors, yeah? Sometimes blue fits my mood better, sometimes green does. Sometimes these preferences last for a long time but in the end I like them both. A shitty metaphor but you get my drift :P I saw a textpost once that said something along the lines of ‘being attracted to boys feels like “oooooh” and being attracted to girls feels like “aaaaah”’ and I can very much relate to that lmao

If you want a label, you will find one at some point. Maybe you are on the aromantic spectrum. Maybe pan was the label you were looking for, you just needed clarification on the above thing. You could try to google sexualities and see if anything appeals to you :D

6. Actually, I’m pretty sure that I’m asexual. Like. Asexual-asexual. I don’t feel sexual attraction, which makes me ace. My attitude towards sex is removed from that :P I’d describe myself as a sex-neutral asexual. (At least right now, I haven’t even gotten close to having sex yet, so I can’t be entirely sure.)

7. ........why is this controversial? D:

That’s okay. That’s 100% okay. A//ura is a character like every other, it’s okay to dislike her. You don’t need a reason to dislike a ship or a character or a plotline or, heck, a color. You can absolutely have one, but you don’t need one. 

For example, I didn’t like Sh/ro very much until he disappeared after s2. There was no reason for it. (Or maybe there was, we act way too similar lmao) I only really started liking A//ura in s3 - I bet you can guess the episode :P I liked her since s2 with the “yAY SOMETHING SPARKLY” scene but it took me longer to really warm up to her. It is perfectly fine to like or dislike characters and it’s perfectly fine to change your opinion on that later ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#a² (answered ask) #anon #remember: personal opinion and all that #i'm no expert on any of this #i'm just trying my best to help out where i can :'D

[knightofbalance-13]

http://pageoflore.tumblr.com/post/164086228192/continued-from-this-post-knightofbalance-13

@pageoflore

Well, you told me to be brief, I shall be brief.

PS. I’m doing this on my own post so the OP can’t delete my reblog.

1. It doesn’t matter if op was “mean” about the headcanon, it doesn’t diminish the fact that you brought up blatant transphobic points, such as implying that queer headcanons cause people to become “dependent” and prone to lashing out. You’ve mentioned these points multiple times when dealing with people with queer headcanons. The fact that you’re unwilling to acknowledge that queer people get ticked off at other fans because of their queerphobia, that their anger is perfectly understandable and provoked, doesn’t mean that it’s not true.

Hey, here’s some facts on trans representation in media:

http://pacificcenter.org/trans-representation-in-the-media

2. Heterophobia does not exist in the same way that homophobia does. Heterophobia is born out of actual fear of getting murdered and homophobia is when bigots hate and want to diminish queer folks. When there have been hundreds of years of The Straights being murdered, experimented on, sexually assaulted, and socially outcast purely because of who they love, then you can fucking get back to me you little shit.

Compulsory homosexuality also isn’t a fucking thing that actually exists, while compulsory heterosexuality is well established https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compulsory_heterosexuality

https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/compulsory-heterosexuality - for the exact same reasons. Nobody is gonna arrest you for not shipping gay ships, even if you’ve let your alt-right buddies brainwash you into thinking so.

3. The post not only humanizes a man who is the face of genocide, but it implies that everyone has the capacity for the amount of hatred and cruelty needed to orchestrate the extermination of an entire ethnic minority. By agreeing with that post, you’re diminishing the horror that Hitler and his men committed.

4. If you actually read your sources you would know they’re alt-right - Breitbart in particular has been in the news lately because Bannon was advising the president for a time. So either you did read them and knew damn well what they were or you were pulling any random source that would support your points, which makes you the liar here, bud. Btw, here’s another time you pulled from alt right/far right sources to prove your point. Showing that you continue to be biased

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163935557185/httpssokumotanakatumblrcompost163928898054r#notes

5. Assuming that any queer people that have lgbt head canons are inherently more likely to react violently is aggressively queerphobic. Like do I even have to explain why calling people with trans headcanons delusional and unstable is fucking awful? I will, by equating trans headcanons with instability and mental illness, you’re being transphobic

6. Humor that punches down, which you’ve defended, is shown through studies to be a gateway for other oppressive acts, and humor in general is used to define social groups and point out “outcasts” that make the group more cohesive. By defending stereotyping humor, you’re saying that censorship is more terrible than racism.

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/humor-sapiens/201107/does-racist-humor-promote-racism

http://sjwiki.org/images/8/88/Racism_pyramid.png

http://news.jrn.msu.edu/bullying/2012/03/27/a-new-bullying-social-exclusion/

7. Links can be deleted, but sure, I’ll add links

(Compulsory Heterosexuality)

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163995358715/that-kawoshin-evageek-knightofbalance-13#notes

(Transphobic statements)

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163977205610/hey-dude-i-know-that-with-the-trans-danny-phantom#notes

(The original Danny Phantom post)

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163969249240/cryptid-milk-queer-aviculor-plasmas-king#notes

(The defending stereotype humor post)

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/163960564185/celticpyro-offensive-humor-plays-on-stereotypes#notes

As for why I’m specifically addressing your posting history and political alignment, it’s because I want to be quite clear on the fact that I don’t detest you arbitrarily or because you have “different opinions~”. You’ve repeatedly shown yourself to be a bigot with no intention of allowing others to educate you on things outside your scope of reference. That’s why no one who is actually familiar with your behavior can stand you, unless they’re also already steeped in this bullshit.

So now that we have that out of the way, let us continue with this fuckery. 

2. You’ve shown far more tendency to stalk, belittle, humiliate, and attempt to control others than anyone - in the rwde tag or otherwise. I’ve personally witnessed you attack people over minor phrasing or opinions different from yours, completely unprovoked and out of the blue. Admittedly members of the RWDE tag can be abrasive in their opinions, but generally speaking they stick to the tag and don’t really go out of their way to bother people unless they’re being shitheads. Case in point, tbh.

Also you have admitted yourself to creating sideblogs in order to circumvent people block you, in order to bait people into agreeing with sockpuppets spewing suicide-baiting behavior, and in order to have arguments with yourself. Which I guess is necessary since you couldn’t argue your way out of a paper bag.

Here’s links to your alt accounts, btw:

https://rwbyfan18.tumblr.com/post/158649725205/checkmate

https://shadecritic.tumblr.com/post/158838072733/technoskittles-knightofbalance-13#notes

https://shadecritic2.tumblr.com/post/158857532333/rwbycriticism-i-cannot-risk-making-a-tai-post-in#notes

https://shadecritic3.tumblr.com/post/158646451814/corn-on-the-kob-sounds-like-hes-just-starving-for#notes

4. As a final comment, not everyone who disagrees with me is a bigot! However you personally? You’re an asshole, and you have absolutely no sense of nuance. You have zero grasp of what it means to belong to a minority, which is ironic as fuck considering how much you love using your autism as a shield while at the same time implying that others’ mental health makes them unreliable and dangerous.

“RWDE” as a tag is not moderated or controlled by anyone, and though most regulars take care to call people out when they’re assholes, there’s nothing we can do if people choose to use the tag. You, on the other hand, have full control over who you follow and what you choose to reblog. This is just a thought, a suggestion, but maybe fucking look closer to home and start knighting on yourself before you try preaching to anyone else you little shit.

Oh and just in case anyone is confused about whether or not you’re a huge piece of shit, here’s you talking about pedophilia with your usual charm, grace, and sense of morality.

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164081508615/darkvioletcloud-rwbycrit-riproarrude#notes

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164077458930/mageknight14-takashi0-darkvioletcloud#notes

https://knightofbalance-13.tumblr.com/post/164076260355/mageknight14-darkvioletcloud-rwbycrit#notes

Here’s how fiction, media, and fandom impacts us in reality

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2017/feb/14/fictional-characters-make-existential-crossings-into-real-life-study-finds?CMP=share_btn_tw

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-mind-stage/201211/do-fictional-characters-affect-our-real-life

http://journals.plos.org/plosone/article?id=10.1371/journal.pone.0055341

https://ed.ted.com/lessons/jessica-wise-how-fiction-can-change-reality

http://www.letusfindout.com/how-does-media-affect-our-lives/

https://www.reference.com/world-view/media-affect-lives-6b6a615175e11882

https://www.themarysue.com/the-psychology-of-fandom/

http://www.gnovisjournal.org/2012/09/26/how-do-we-explain-fandom/

http://www.deseretnews.com/article/865637961/How-fandom-connects-a-community-and-improves-lives.html

Here’s links to studies on how pedophiles using the internet to find and groom victims/how pedophiles groom victims

https://www.rt.com/uk/359895-nspcc-pedophiles-grooming-online/

https://patch.com/massachusetts/sudbury/bp–stats-about-online-predators-and-precautions-parec47b01a336

http://puresight.com/Pedophiles/Online-Predators/online-predators-statistics.html

http://www.apa.org/pubs/journals/releases/amp-632111.pdf

http://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/01639625.2016.1197656

https://ojp.gov/ovc/publications/bulletins/internet_2_2001/NCJ184931.pdf

It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that with how media impacts us in reality and how pedophiles groom children that AdultxMinor ships can be used to harm minors involved in fandom culture by sexual predators. Also, since I don’t deal with pedophile apologists, don’t expect anymore responses from me.

Take all of this...and throw it in the trash. It has nothing to do with the topic at hand and is in fact a form of logical fallacy. Three in one in fact: “Poisoning the well” (The points about the “alt-right” sources when they give one example playing of people’s hatred of Trump when in fact there is no proof that said adviser approved anything viewed as alt-right Trump has done), “moving the goalposts” (The entire first part of the post) and “Ad Hominin” ( the first ahlf of the post, and pounts 2 and 4.) Within these are the three uses of fact manipulation by RWDE: Lie, Cheat and Misinform. (Lie: Saying that I made transphobic statements in the link, talking about a post that “humanizes” Hitler when actually it was showing he just did stuff normal people did, doing nothing about his crimes, Saying that I was talking about queer peopelw hen my posts were about people who obsess over headcanons to the point that’s all they talk about. Cheat: not reblogging this directly as to manipulate the facts more easily as well as calling all my sources as alt-right simple because one person advised Trump and not showing how they acted alt-right, let alone showing how the other sources were “alt-right.” Misinform: Talking about how I was defending pedophiles when I was actually defending media and saying that the people (AKA the pedophiles) should be the ones punished and locked away, not the media itself.)

All you should take from this that out of about 15 points, only two even remotely pertain to the original two posts. For the math, they spent 86.7% of the post attacking me instead of addressing the points I original made. That is how little is actually here. Now this isn’t for my benefits: I could go in depth and totally deconstruct

So let’s address the actual points shall we?

1. You admittedly didn’t become a fan of the show until after Monty died. You don’t know what M&K or other members of the RT crew have or have not historically said and done. You’re completely unaware of the various developments the fandom as a whole has gone through, both purely as a fandom and in our relationship with the creators. Why you think you can know everything that has gone on and is going on in the fandom is anyone’s guess.

Research. I’ve asked people and looked back through the history of fandom as well as drawn upon long term fans of the show to see what was going on. I know for a fact that the LGBT character was never promised in a specific volume. I can also show that Miles, the one accused of being egotistical the most, has shown modesty and humility, thus disproving or at least casting very severe the whole argument about RT being egoistical isn’t true.

3. Every bit of criticism we’ve given, even in the beginning has been met with a handwave and then was ignored. From the queerbaity “Just wait for it, it needs to feel earned, it needs to be natural.” to the pretty racist “Here’s some more poc characters, one is a villain and a few are heroes but it won’t matter because none of them will get any lines after this” to the white fang plotline which is a complete dumpster fire - though there are others who have covered that better and more in depth than I have. Also, if you have any proof that Miles is actually listening and implementing things because of criticism, I would like to see that.

A. That is limiting their creative freedom and freedom should never be waved for anything aside from physical harm.

B. That is racist thinking that because a racial minority is villain means it’s racist, especially since 1. not every person who fails under your generalization as a few of people who fit under that classification have called you out and numerous others have not aid a word against it thus it comes across as “these people don’t count because they don’t fit the mold I think they should fit” and 2. Thinking that racial minorities can’t play any role other than the “perfect, can do no worn, center of attention” hero and thus preventing them from being realistic and good. Also, POC stands for Peoplel of Color. Which is Colored People backwards, the same title that these groups were getting called back in the days of blatant racism. Good job there.

C. Jaune Arc getting less and less focus with each Volume. he went from having an arc in Volume 1 to sharingan arc with Pyrrha and Blake in Volume 2 to being a plot/angst device in Volume 3 to being built up only to have Jaune push away all of his build up to make Ruby look good in Volume 4. You all just refuse to acknowledge it and focus solely on him, which ironically makes you all sexist by your own logic.

The fact that only two points of yours, 13.3% of your post, is actually about addressing my points and the rets is trying to attack me personally shows how little you actually have against me. And what little you have is easily debunked.

You claim that I am a pedo apologizer but judging by your arguments, what you actually mean is “Um...I have nothing to actually so....PEDOPHILE!” which is an example of Godwin’s law which states that when you use a universal insult against someone, you’ve pretty much consceded the argument. In fact, it should have ended the minute you called me alt-right AKA a Neo Nazi, showing that you just keep trying lob more and more labels onto me because I disagree with you and you can’t prove me wrong. Just as I have said in the past.

#rwde bullshit #pageoflore

[hamonnose]

Trans ask game: all the odd numbers up to 11 (also i didn't know you were trans why don't you put it in your bio?)

Lemme answer your question about me being not having my gender in my bio… Honestly it’s probably cus I’m like still figuring things out. I mean I know I’m not cis, and I prefer he/him pronouns most of the time, and I definitely have dysphoria more often than not BUT at the same time some times i’m fine with being called a she, and presenting femininely, and sometimes i even like my body (in relation to the dysphoria… i don’t really have a problem with my body otherwise). So I don’t really want to put genderqueer in my bio cus first of all it feels like a placeholder until i find a label that fits me perfectly (not saying that if you identify as genderqueer that it doesn’t fit you perfectly), and second on my first blog I got yelled at by an anon who said genderfluid/genderqueer people don’t count as trans and that I should stop identifying as trans since I wasn’t clear cut “ftm” (which isn’t really a term i like using). While I personally think that’s bullshit and anyone who isn’t cis can identify with the umbrella term trans if they want i’d like to avoid that happening again. So maybe I’ll put he/him in my blog description but idk if that’ll just cause more confusion? Long story short… Idk I just don’t wanna? Now! On to the questions

Questions from the Trans Ask Game (I’ll be answering all off anon questions privately so if you wanna just talk about this stuff in private that’s cool too)

1. How did you choose your name?Right now I’m going by Joss and that’s just a shortening of my deadname. I started using it in sophomore year when I started going to a new school where no one knew me and I felt ok with choosing a more gender-neutral nickname. Recently though I’ve been thinking of changing it completely since it’s really close to my deadname and sometimes it makes me uncomfortable (I’m thinking Lance [no not because of Voltron thanks] or Lylle).

3. Do you have more physical dysphoria or more social dysphoria?I experience both sadly… But more often than not it’s physical dysphoria cus I have DDs and it’s real hard to pass when sports bras just make me look like i have a monoboob and i can’t afford a binder (I bought a binder a lil bit ago but it’s still hasn’t gotten here).

5. What was the first time you suspected you were transgender?When I first learned what the word meant (7th grade). See my mom raised me kinda without gender roles… Like she was a very pro “girls and boy can do anything they want as long as they’re not hurting anyone” kind of mom. She would also let me shop wherever i wanted and I had a good mix of “boys” and “girls” clothes (my favorite combo was a cute skirt with a pokemon shirt and a cool jacket) so it wasn’t really weird for me to be into traditionally masculine stuff and I never took it as an insult for kids to tell me i acted like a boy cus “yeah so what?”. Also mom was a bartender and that meant she knew all kinds of people including lots of LGBTQ+ people (and since she was the boss’ kid if any of the workers gave them trouble for who they were she’d put those bigots in their place). So I was also raised that “if someone says they’re a boy then they’re a boy, and it’s ok to ask if you don’t know but be polite… And staring till you think you figured it out is not polite.” So I guess I never really thought about gender (or sexuality tbh) till I started middle school and i started feeling uncomfortable being feminine so i stopped wearing “girly” clothes and started wearing jeans and HUGE OVERSIZED (and i mean lil 4′10 me wearing mens size XXL) sweaters that made me shapeless. In 7th grade I made a friend who was on tumblr and when she came out as bi to our friend group it made me start thinking about it and a few days later i said “I think i’m bi too? I mean the only difference between a boy and a girl is their boobs and how they pee right?” She calmly (if slightly irritated at my ignorance) explained that “no that’s not how gender works, there’s a difference between gender and sex.” So that day when I got home I did what any confused millennial would do and googled it. That’s how i found out what transgender, and genderqueer, and genderfluid, etc. etc. meant and when I first suspected I wasn’t cis.

7. What is your favorite part of being transgender?When my lil sister calls me brother instead of sister and it makes me feel so loved honestly.

9. How did you come out? If you didn’t come out, why do you stay in the closet? Or what happened when you were outed?Loaded question.... I’m kinda out to some people but not to others? I came out to my mom in the middle of the night crying cus i was so frustrated with my body and she handled it pretty well (Asked if i wanted to be called something other than my deadname, called me son and mijo, told me she supported me) but with my grandparents and friends.... Strangely enough I think I’m like officially out to only one of my friends, like I’ve asked him to use he/him and he does so like shoutout to Neil for being awesome. We didn’t necessarily talk about it but he wished me a happy trans day of visibility so like... I think he knows? Idk if my best friend knows... I mean I’ve told her that i’m like not exactly a girl (long story) but I haven’t asked her to use He/Him or officially came out to her. To be fair neither of us came out to each other as not straight but we figured it out. She’s probably reading this. Hi mattie love you nerdo! As for the rest of my family other than my mom (and my lil sis) I’m really only dropping hints. But like big hints. Like when my uncle says i’m the prettiest girl i will straight up say “But I’m not a girl.” and he’ll ask “Then what are you?” to which i usually respond “I just am.” I’m not afraid to come out to him but if he knows then EVERYBODY knows (our fam loves to gossip tbh). I use masculine pronouns and such for myself so i think most of my immediate fam has figured it out but like I still have yet to sit everybody down and be like “Ay y’all... I’m trans” But we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

11. What are your experiences with binding or tucking?Well when I was in 6th grade trying to cosplay (Prussia from hetalia... I was a weeb i know) for the first time i used ace bandages. THAT IS A BIG NO NO!! IT IS A HEALTH CONCERN DON’T USE ACE BANDAGES!! I stopped after like 2-3 times of binding like that because I read online that it was bad and could hurt you big time (and hurt your chances of top surgery in the future). So then I just used sports bras for a while... Which didn’t work all that well (puberty hit early and my boobs were the first things to grow). My mom got me a real binder for my 16th birthday which was great and i used it for both everyday and cosplay stuff. Sadly I outgrew it in like a year since again puberty sucks. I sent it to someone through one of those binder exchange programs. Then I got a cheap binder that didn’t work very well and I won’t lie... A few times I got desperate and put ace bandages over the crappy binder. WHICH IS AN EVEN BIGGER NO NO THAN JUST ACE BANDAGES!!! Mostly it was alone at home just to chase away the dysphoria for a little bit but i went out for quick grocery runs with thaat set up a few times. Now I’m waiting on a new binder that will hopefully work better than the last one (it should get here in about a week and i’m so excited).

Thank you for the questions nonnie ^.^

#askingdownstage #answered asks #nonnie ask #answered ask #trans #not theatre

[harrypotterfirsttime]

JK Rowling’s essay about why she’s a TERF: Full Overview

Be forewarned, this is going to be LONG. I started reading the Goblet of Fire today and saw that JK Rowling has written and posted an ESSAY about why she’s speaking out about her blatant transphobia. I never intended for this blog to be about her, but since this is happening while I am attempting to read the series for the first time, I feel compelled to address it.

“This isn’t an easy piece to write, for reasons that will shortly become clear, but I know it’s time to explain myself on an issue surrounded by toxicity. I write this without any desire to add to that toxicity.”

I cannot fathom how she believed this would be a good idea and not add to the toxicity surrounding this issue. During pride month. When Black Lives Matter is protesting for equal rights. How is this necessary?

“For people who don’t know: last December I tweeted my support for Maya Forstater, a tax specialist who’d lost her job for what were deemed ‘transphobic’ tweets. She took her case to an employment tribunal, asking the judge to rule on whether a philosophical belief that sex is determined by biology is protected in law. Judge Tayler ruled that it wasn’t.”

First of all, Maya didn’t lose her job. Her contract was simply not renewed by her workplace, something that she was not entitled to under any law. JK Rowling also continues to falsely assert that Maya’s belief was that ‘sex is determined biology’, when she actually asserted that under no circumstances is a trans woman a woman nor a trans man a man, and the judge ruled that it did not fit all five necessary limbs to be a philosophical belief (it actually only failed the last one). The judge ruled that the ‘under no circumstances’ part of her assertion was absolutist, and that is what ultimately failed the fifth limb. [source]

“My interest in trans issues pre-dated Maya’s case by almost two years, during which I followed the debate around the concept of gender identity closely. I’ve met trans people, and read sundry books, blogs and articles by trans people, gender specialists, intersex people, psychologists, safeguarding experts, social workers and doctors, and followed the discourse online and in traditional media. On one level, my interest in this issue has been professional, because I’m writing a crime series, set in the present day, and my fictional female detective is of an age to be interested in, and affected by, these issues herself, but on another, it’s intensely personal, as I’m about to explain.”

Not much to say here, except that this paragraph is meant to tell us that she’s considered including this debate in a fictional book she’s writing for some reason, and that she has allegedly had time to talk to all of these extremely knowledgeable people who all failed to inform her that trans people don’t actually hurt her or take anything from her.

“All the time I’ve been researching and learning, accusations and threats from trans activists have been bubbling in my Twitter timeline. This was initially triggered by a ‘like’. When I started taking an interest in gender identity and transgender matters, I began screenshotting comments that interested me, as a way of reminding myself what I might want to research later. On one occasion, I absent-mindedly ‘liked’ instead of screenshotting. That single ‘like’ was deemed evidence of wrongthink, and a persistent low level of harassment began.”

First off, this goes against the statement a spokesperson made for her when this happened, stating that she had a ‘clumsy middle-aged moment’ and liked the tweet by ‘holding her phone incorrectly’. The tweet she liked also had no content that she could research, it was a baseless claim that men in dresses get more solidarity than cis women (which I won’t even dive into, we have so much more to cover). [source] I also won’t dive into the use of ‘wrongthink’ as if we are all characters in George Orwell’s 1984, simply because nobody is controlling her speech, she is simply facing consequences for the shit she chooses to fling at the wall.

“Months later, I compounded my accidental ‘like’ crime by following Magdalen Burns on Twitter. Magdalen was an immensely brave young feminist and lesbian who was dying of an aggressive brain tumour. I followed her because I wanted to contact her directly, which I succeeded in doing. However, as Magdalen was a great believer in the importance of biological sex, and didn’t believe lesbians should be called bigots for not dating trans women with penises, dots were joined in the heads of twitter trans activists, and the level of social media abuse increased.”

Just take a moment to laugh at the fact that she misspelled Magdalen Berns’ last name. But to clear things up, yes, Magdalen was suffering from a fatal aggressive brain tumour, but no, she was not a brave young feminist, she was an extremely outspoken transphobe, who regularly made videos misgendering, slandering, and twisting the words of trans people and trans activists in order to victimize herself. The vast majority of trans people will agree that you shouldn’t date anybody that you don’t want to date, or have any kind of sex with anyone that you don’t like. But Magdalen took it a step further, and said that NO lesbian could have sex with somebody with a penis and still be a lesbian, and NO lesbian could have a penis, despite trans lesbians continuing to exist to this very day. [for sources, Magdalen’s twitter and youtube channel remain active]

“I mention all this only to explain that I knew perfectly well what was going to happen when I supported Maya. I must have been on my fourth or fifth cancellation by then. I expected the threats of violence, to be told I was literally killing trans people with my hate, to be called cunt and bitch and, of course, for my books to be burned, although one particularly abusive man told me he’d composted them.”

Can we salute the man who decided to tell JK Rowling that he composted her books, because that’s absolutely hilarious. But really, I just want to point out that no matter how many threats of violence JK Rowling thinks she is getting, transgender people are subjected to much more abuse both online and in real life, and it affects their wellbeing much more directly than simply being called a cunt or a bitch on twitter. [source] While JK Rowling thankfully isn’t killing trans people, she’s disappointing so many of her LGBT+ fans who looked up to her and found comfort during their childhood in her books that encouraged people to be brave and be themselves.

“What I didn’t expect in the aftermath of my cancellation was the avalanche of emails and letters that came showering down upon me, the overwhelming majority of which were positive, grateful and supportive. They came from a cross-section of kind, empathetic and intelligent people, some of them working in fields dealing with gender dysphoria and trans people, who’re all deeply concerned about the way a socio-political concept is influencing politics, medical practice and safeguarding. They’re worried about the dangers to young people, gay people and about the erosion of women’s and girl’s rights. Above all, they’re worried about a climate of fear that serves nobody – least of all trans youth – well.”

I’ll tackle this paragraph from top to bottom. Firstly, the reason you believe the overwhemling majority of people supported you is because many of those who don’t (myself included, until now) simply rolled their eyes and ignored you, because you are not worth our time. We have lives to live that are unconcerned with your bigotry. Second, I hope those people who were working in fields dealing with gender dysphoria and trans people have since left their jobs, because they have no business serving a community who they secretly harbour unsupportive ideologies about. And finally, the idea of supporting and helping trans people (specifically trans youth) is DANGEROUS to young people, gay people, and women’s and girls’ rights is simply false. No women’s rights have been repealed in favour of trans people’s rights (mainly because trans women continue to shockingly be women). In fact, trans youth with parents who are very supportive and affirming show a statistically significantly lower rate of both depressive symptoms and suicide attempts. [source] [specific graph]

“I’d stepped back from Twitter for many months both before and after tweeting support for Maya, because I knew it was doing nothing good for my mental health. I only returned because I wanted to share a free children’s book during the pandemic. Immediately, activists who clearly believe themselves to be good, kind and progressive people swarmed back into my timeline, assuming a right to police my speech, accuse me of hatred, call me misogynistic slurs and, above all – as every woman involved in this debate will know – TERF.”

I can completely understand taking a step back from Twitter for mental health reasons (perhaps we all would have been better off if this had been an indefinite hiatus). To be clear, no activists are claiming the right to police your speech. People are speaking up against your speech because it is hateful and contradictory to current research about transgender people and the best way to treat and support us effectively. Some people maybe using misogynistic slurs, which I don’t condone, but let us be clear that TERF is not one of them.

“If you didn’t already know – and why should you? – ‘TERF’ is an acronym coined by trans activists, which stands for Trans-Exclusionary Radical Feminist. In practice, a huge and diverse cross-section of women are currently being called TERFs and the vast majority have never been radical feminists. Examples of so-called TERFs range from the mother of a gay child who was afraid their child wanted to transition to escape homophobic bullying, to a hitherto totally unfeminist older lady who’s vowed never to visit Marks & Spencer again because they’re allowing any man who says they identify as a woman into the women’s changing rooms. Ironically, radical feminists aren’t even trans-exclusionary – they include trans men in their feminism, because they were born women.”

The first two sentences in this paragraph are true. Viv Smythe, a trans inclusive cis radfem, is credited with coining the term TERF to describe her fellow radical feminists who are ‘unwilling to recognize trans women as sisters’. It has also become widely used to describe feminists who exclude trans women from their feminism, even if they are not radfems. [source] I don’t care about who has been called a TERF, all I need to know is that they are transphobes, which they should feel equally disgusted at the fact their behaviour warrants the label. Trans men do not want to be included in radical feminism because we were ‘born women’, and JK Rowling including this as if it is an excuse is appalling. Trans men are not women, therefore we do not appreciate radfems claiming to support us based on their obsession with what genitals we were born with.

“But accusations of TERFery have been sufficient to intimidate many people, institutions and organisations I once admired, who’re cowering before the tactics of the playground. ‘They’ll call us transphobic!’ ‘They’ll say I hate trans people!’ What next, they’ll say you’ve got fleas? Speaking as a biological woman, a lot of people in positions of power really need to grow a pair (which is doubtless literally possible, according to the kind of people who argue that clownfish prove humans aren’t a dimorphic species).”

I cringed hard at ‘speaking as a biological woman’, because that’s just the kind of language that TERFs consistently use to make it clear that they are NOT under any circumstances to be mistaken for trans. The notion that these people, institutions and organizations are ‘cowering’ out of fear of being transphobic as opposed to wanting to openly support and welcome trans people as they would any other person is extremely biased. And as a last note, people using clownfish are trying to show that sex is noy cut and dry binary, it varies between species, and there is so much more to it than ‘XX vs XY’ and ‘penis vs vagina’ like JK Rowling and company seem to think.

“So why am I doing this? Why speak up? Why not quietly do my research and keep my head down?

Well, I’ve got five reasons for being worried about the new trans activism, and deciding I need to speak up.

Firstly, I have a charitable trust that focuses on alleviating social deprivation in Scotland, with a particular emphasis on women and children. Among other things, my trust supports projects for female prisoners and for survivors of domestic and sexual abuse. I also fund medical research into MS, a disease that behaves very differently in men and women. It’s been clear to me for a while that the new trans activism is having (or is likely to have, if all its demands are met) a significant impact on many of the causes I support, because it’s pushing to erode the legal definition of sex and replace it with gender.”

I don’t think anyone will argue that JK Rowling’s charitable trusts and funds are a bad thing. But her need to specify that these have an ‘emphasis on women and children’, imply that survivors of domestic and sexual abuse cannot be men or trans people, and for some reason pointing out that MS can present differently in men and women, are all red flags that these are issues she’s injecting into her charitable efforts, as opposed to actual threats to the causes she supports. The fear that transphobes have over people being classified by the gender they experience and walk through life presenting with instead of the genitals they have underneath a few layers of clothes is ridiculous, especially when you strip it down like this.

“The second reason is that I’m an ex-teacher and the founder of a children’s charity, which gives me an interest in both education and safeguarding. Like many others, I have deep concerns about the effect the trans rights movement is having on both.

The third is that, as a much-banned author, I’m interested in freedom of speech and have publicly defended it, even unto Donald Trump.”

The movement to secure equal rights and protection under the law for transgender people will not have a negative effect on children or education, other than allowing kids to learn more about the diversity among people they’ll interact with throughout their lives. And once again, nobody is trying to tell you that you cannot say these things, only that you will face consequences for saying them, like Donald Trump does daily. Trans people and activists don’t even have the power to affect the right to freedom of speech, so this is a moot point.

“The fourth is where things start to get truly personal. I’m concerned about the huge explosion in young women wishing to transition and also about the increasing numbers who seem to be detransitioning (returning to their original sex), because they regret taking steps that have, in some cases, altered their bodies irrevocably, and taken away their fertility. Some say they decided to transition after realising they were same-sex attracted, and that transitioning was partly driven by homophobia, either in society or in their families.”

There is a lot to unpack in this paragraph. And I don’t have the room in this already much too long post to dive into detransitioning, so I’ll say this: it sucks that some people transition only to realize they shouldn’t have. But these people are a staggering minority of people who do transition, and there is no external person they can blame for believing them when they relay their symptoms (as doctors are supposed to do) and acting accordingly, with the patient’s consent. The issues I have here are the language JK Rowling uses to say young women are transitioning, purposefully misgendering trans masculine people. And implying that people are transitioning because they are gay, because their families or society push them to not be gay and instead transition, is absolutely laughable. Studies have already shown that society as a whole is much less accepting of transgender people than they are of gay people and lesbians. [source]

“Most people probably aren’t aware – I certainly wasn’t, until I started researching this issue properly – that ten years ago, the majority of people wanting to transition to the opposite sex were male. That ratio has now reversed. The UK has experienced a 4400% increase in girls being referred for transitioning treatment. Autistic girls are hugely overrepresented in their numbers.”

There are a number of factors that could have led to such an increase in referrals, and no studies have a definitive answer, though most speculate that the increase in acceptance and visibility of trans people is likely a major contributor. [source] Additionally, I personally believe that more trans women seeked transition years ago because it was impossible to be accepted as a trans woman without fully medically transitioning, whereas trans men could get by without transitioning and simply presenting as their gender. Now that transition is more acceptable and available, trans men do not need to hold themselves back from transitioning, but unfortunately, with more visibility has come more vitriol that is specifically aimed at trans women, and this could discourage them from transitioning or coming out at all. I won’t dignify the statement about autism in afab trans people being prevalent other than saying that cis people can be autistic, trans people can be autistic, and implying that neuro-atypical people cannot make informed decisions about their bodies and healthcare is abhorrent.

“The same phenomenon has been seen in the US. In 2018,  American physician and researcher Lisa Littman set out to explore it. In an interview, she said:

‘Parents online were describing a very unusual pattern of transgender-identification where multiple friends and even entire friend groups became transgender-identified at the same time. I would have been remiss had I not considered social contagion and peer influences as potential factors.’

Littman mentioned Tumblr, Reddit, Instagram and YouTube as contributing factors to Rapid Onset Gender Dysphoria, where she believes that in the realm of transgender identification ‘youth have created particularly insular echo chambers.’”

Lisa Littman’s study can be read here. There are a multitude of issues with this study, and many big names in psychology and gender studies have spoken up about the issues in her conclusions and in the methods to begin with, which are unscientific and deeply flawed. [source] The biggest flaw, in my opinion, is that the study interviews parents of trans youth as opposed to the trans youth themselves, and takes the parents’ limited knowledge of their child’s inner thoughts and experience as fact without consulting the trans person at all. Additionally, recruitment for the study was mainly done through anti-trans organizations. All of this information is available in the original study and in the rebuttal. Because of this, I cannot take anybody who cites Lisa Littman or her study seriously, because it is not credible whatsoever.

“Her paper caused a furore. She was accused of bias and of spreading misinformation about transgender people, subjected to a tsunami of abuse and a concerted campaign to discredit both her and her work. The journal took the paper offline and re-reviewed it before republishing it. However, her career took a similar hit to that suffered by Maya Forstater. Lisa Littman had dared challenge one of the central tenets of trans activism, which is that a person’s gender identity is innate, like sexual orientation. Nobody, the activists insisted, could ever be persuaded into being trans.”

There are reasons clearly stated above why Lisa Littman and her work should be discredited for publishing this work and claiming it to be a study (especially because it was not published in any journal and was therefore not subjected to peer-review). Also, for argument’s sake, why do people like JK Rowling take people’s word for it when they report their sexual orientation, but not their gender? Why should one be recognized as innate, but not the other? Both can only be determined by the individual and their internal thoughts and feelings and urges and sense of self. Nobody can be persuaded to be trans any more than anyone can be persuaded to be gay, or lesbian, or bisexual.

“The argument of many current trans activists is that if you don’t let a gender dysphoric teenager transition, they will kill themselves. In an article explaining why he resigned from the Tavistock (an NHS gender clinic in England) psychiatrist Marcus Evans stated that claims that children will kill themselves if not permitted to transition do not ‘align substantially with any robust data or studies in this area. Nor do they align with the cases I have encountered over decades as a psychotherapist.’”

I didn’t think it needed to be said, but a single psychiatrist’s experience is not representative of the entire reality. Many people misquote studies in order to make them work for their agenda. Studies show that trans people have higher suicide attempt rates, not higher rates of actually killing themselves. To insert personal experience like Marcus Evans did, I attempted suicide multiple times, and experienced high levels of depression and anxiety directly tied to my gender dysphoria, all of which has been alleviated since being allowed to medically and socially transition. There are hundreds if not thousands of other trans people who will report similar struggles to myself.

“The writings of young trans men reveal a group of notably sensitive and clever people.  The more of their accounts of gender dysphoria I’ve read, with their insightful descriptions of anxiety, dissociation, eating disorders, self-harm and self-hatred, the more I’ve wondered whether, if I’d been born 30 years later, I too might have tried to transition. The allure of escaping womanhood would have been huge. I struggled with severe OCD as a teenager. If I’d found community and sympathy online that I couldn’t find in my immediate environment, I believe I could have been persuaded to turn myself into the son my father had openly said he’d have preferred.”

Comparing having OCD to suffering with gender dysphoria and all the side effects it can have (many of which she listed here) is offensive. So is saying that she, too, may have transitioned, because she clearly is very comfortable as a cis woman. Trans men do not transition to escape womanhood, we transition because at our core we know we are not women and this causes us deep turmoil, on top of all the sexism and misogyny we face as a result of moving through the world being perceived as women while in the closet. Comparing the admittedly terrible experience of growing into a world riddled with sexism and misogyny to that same experience topped with multiple deeper levels of emotional turmoil is just not a comparison any cis person can make or attempt to understand, which is difficult to hear and accept for JK Rowling I’m sure. If there were online communities when JK Rowling was struggling with severe OCD, she likely would have found sympathy in other people who have OCD. The following implication (out of nowhere) that there are trans people online luring in teenagers with unrelated mental health struggles trying to ‘persuade’ them to transition is just ridiculous and I cannot believe she attempted to make this comparison.

“When I read about the theory of gender identity, I remember how mentally sexless I felt in youth. I remember Colette’s description of herself as a ‘mental hermaphrodite’ and Simone de Beauvoir’s words: ‘It is perfectly natural for the future woman to feel indignant at the limitations posed upon her by her sex. The real question is not why she should reject them: the problem is rather to understand why she accepts them.’”

More people than JK Rowling is probably aware of feel ‘mentally sexless’ in youth, because they have no crippling discomfort regarding their gender identity, and either do not feel pressure to prescribe to gender stereotypical behaviours or actively rebel against it. According to brain studies, everyone is technically a ‘mental hermaphrodite’ because there remains to be no such thing as a male brain or female brain. [source]

“As I didn’t have a realistic possibility of becoming a man back in the 1980s, it had to be books and music that got me through both my mental health issues and the sexualised scrutiny and judgement that sets so many girls to war against their bodies in their teens. Fortunately for me, I found my own sense of otherness, and my ambivalence about being a woman, reflected in the work of female writers and musicians who reassured me that, in spite of everything a sexist world tries to throw at the female-bodied, it’s fine not to feel pink, frilly and compliant inside your own head; it’s OK to feel confused, dark, both sexual and non-sexual, unsure of what or who you are.”

Just to clarify for JK Rowling, trans men and trans women both existed in the 1980s, and long before that. If she had been a trans man, she would have been able to pursue a social or medical transition. Those trans people in the 80s also turned to books and music to get through their struggles. It has been long documented that women and girls have negative feelings towards their bodies that are mainly rooted in the misogynistic society we all have to grow up in, and it’s a battle that trans people fight to end alongside cis women. I think JK Rowling will also find that trans people are at the forefront of making it known that gender roles and stereotypes are not necessary and should not be the standard for being a man or woman; women do not need to like pink, frilly things and men do not need to like monochrome, masculine things. Trans people are also huge advocates for finding yourself and living your life in the way that is most authentic to you, without focusing on whether your body is ‘male’ or ‘female’ and fighting against stigmas surrounding that obsession.

“I want to be very clear here: I know transition will be a solution for some gender dysphoric people, although I’m also aware through extensive research that studies have consistently shown that between 60-90% of gender dysphoric teens will grow out of their dysphoria. Again and again I’ve been told to ‘just meet some trans people.’ I have: in addition to a few younger people, who were all adorable, I happen to know a self-described transsexual woman who’s older than I am and wonderful. Although she’s open about her past as a gay man, I’ve always found it hard to think of her as anything other than a woman, and I believe (and certainly hope) she’s completely happy to have transitioned. Being older, though, she went through a long and rigorous process of evaluation, psychotherapy and staged transformation. The current explosion of trans activism is urging a removal of almost all the robust systems through which candidates for sex reassignment were once required to pass. A man who intends to have no surgery and take no hormones may now secure himself a Gender Recognition Certificate and be a woman in the sight of the law. Many people aren’t aware of this.”

First of all, the number of kids who “desist” from their gender dysphoria are not reliable. Mainly because the methods in these studies are not robust (ie one study defined gender dysphoria as exhibiting any behaviour that was not typical of their gender, such as boys playing with barbies and girls playing with monster trucks; another study classified subjects that did not return to the clinic and did not follow up as desisters without confirming). [source] Additionally, studying children who do exhibit true gender dysphoria, the main factor determining whether it will persist or desist seems to be the intensity, and not at all related to peer relations. [source] Trans people wishing to transition medically may no longer need to subject themselves to extensive and unnecessary therapy to convince medical professionals that they are who they say they are, but they still need to wait on very long lists for our turn to access hormone replacement therapy and surgeries, and can spend all of that time being sure that we are indeed trans and want these medical treatments. JK Rowling is also purposefully misreporting facts in regard to Gender Recognition Certificates. In order to get one, one must be over 18, have lived as their true gender for at least 2 full years, and provide two medical reports (one from a gender specialist and another from a general practitioner) citing that they have gender dysphoria. If they have not had any medical transitional treatments, the medical reports must state whether they are waiting for them or why they are not pursuing any, in direct contradiction of JK Rowling’s assertion that any man can get this certificate. [source]

“We’re living through the most misogynistic period I’ve experienced. Back in the 80s, I imagined that my future daughters, should I have any, would have it far better than I ever did, but between the backlash against feminism and a porn-saturated online culture, I believe things have got significantly worse for girls. Never have I seen women denigrated and dehumanised to the extent they are now. From the leader of the free world’s long history of sexual assault accusations and his proud boast of ‘grabbing them by the pussy’, to the incel (‘involuntarily celibate’) movement that rages against women who won’t give them sex, to the trans activists who declare that TERFs need punching and re-educating, men across the political spectrum seem to agree: women are asking for trouble. Everywhere, women are being told to shut up and sit down, or else.”

I find it hilarious that JK Rowling believes that 2020 is more riddled with misogyny than the 80s, and even the 90s. There is only backlash against feminism that isn’t intersectional and purposefully excludes groups of people for reasons rooted in ignorance and bigotry, like TERFs. Her personal belief that things are worse for girls are not reflected in society as a whole for a multitude of reasons. Although I’ll give that Donald Trump being president is a failure of the American people and highlights the bigotry of Americans, it is completely unrelated to trans people, and I’m not sure why it is relevant. I’d even argue the existence of incels is due to the fact that women are no longer forced into relationships and marriages the way they used to, no longer have to find a husband because they can work and live without leaning a man for financial stability, and can say no to sex with less repercussions (except a very small minority of men throwing tantrums about it). Comparing trans people fighting against TERFs and wanting to re-educate them to incels, Donald Trump, and misogynistic men is just a blatant attempt to derail the conversation. JK Rowling refuses to see that she is not being told to shut up because she’s a woman, she’s being told to shut up because there’s a transphobe. (On a lighter note, this reminds me of the post of a comic where homophobes were told to hit a beehive like its a pinata, and Christians got upset for being targetted, without Christianity ever being mentioned....seems relatable here)

“I’ve read all the arguments about femaleness not residing in the sexed body, and the assertions that biological women don’t have common experiences, and I find them, too, deeply misogynistic and regressive. It’s also clear that one of the objectives of denying the importance of sex is to erode what some seem to see as the cruelly segregationist idea of women having their own biological realities or – just as threatening – unifying realities that make them a cohesive political class. The hundreds of emails I’ve received in the last few days prove this erosion concerns many others just as much.  It isn’t enough for women to be trans allies. Women must accept and admit that there is no material difference between trans women and themselves.”

I think all trans people will admit that people with vaginas have shared experiences because, well, they have the same body part, the same way all people with arms can relate to having arms. What we are arguing though, is that womanhood is not tied to having a vagina, or the struggles that come with having one, even though those experiences may be shared by many women. Many women may also share the experience of playing with barbies or being part of a soccer league as a child, neither of which have to do with being ‘biological women’. Pushing the absurd accusations of segregation and some weird political plan, trans people don’t pretend that we’re the same as cis people. There are material differences between trans women and cis women, and between trans men and cis men. There are also material differences among cis women and cis men. Our argument is that these material differences are not a valid excuse to exclude us from being women and men.

“But, as many women have said before me, ‘woman’ is not a costume. ‘Woman’ is not an idea in a man’s head. ‘Woman’ is not a pink brain, a liking for Jimmy Choos or any of the other sexist ideas now somehow touted as progressive. Moreover, the ‘inclusive’ language that calls female people ‘menstruators’ and ‘people with vulvas’ strikes many women as dehumanising and demeaning. I understand why trans activists consider this language to be appropriate and kind, but for those of us who’ve had degrading slurs spat at us by violent men, it’s not neutral, it’s hostile and alienating.”

Trans people are not claiming that being a woman is a costume, or an idea in anyone’s head, or a pink brain or any gender stereotype. Men do not know what it is like to be a woman. I have absolutely no idea what it feels like to be a woman, because even when presenting as one, I did not feel womanhood or any kinship with other women, because I knew that on a deep level I was not a woman. But on to less personal experiences. Inclusive language shouldn’t have quotation marks around it. Those you call female people (which I call afab, or assigned female at birth) do not all identify as women, and do not all like the label female. Therefore, using inclusive language such as ‘people who menstruate’ and ‘people with vulvas’ includes all the women who have vulvas and menstruate (because not all cis women do), and also includes the people who do not identify as women or associate the word female with themselves, despite menstruating or having a vulva. This is not an attack on women, this is not the same as misogynists using these facts to degrade women. It is simply language being used in a more encompassing way that in no way harms cis women, no matter how much JK Rowling or any other transphobe tries to play victim.

“Which brings me to the fifth reason I’m deeply concerned about the consequences of the current trans activism.

I’ve been in the public eye now for over twenty years and have never talked publicly about being a domestic abuse and sexual assault survivor. This isn’t because I’m ashamed those things happened to me, but because they’re traumatic to revisit and remember. I also feel protective of my daughter from my first marriage. I didn’t want to claim sole ownership of a story that belongs to her, too. However, a short while ago, I asked her how she’d feel if I were publicly honest about that part of my life, and she encouraged me to go ahead.

I’m mentioning these things now not in an attempt to garner sympathy, but out of solidarity with the huge numbers of women who have histories like mine, who’ve been slurred as bigots for having concerns around single-sex spaces.”

It goes without saying but obviously I am sad to learn that JK Rowling is a survivor of domestic abuse and sexual assault. It pains me to know she went through something so traumatic and that her daughter also either witnessed or experienced similar horrors. I do however have a problem with weaponizing these experiences as a reason to continue being a transphobe.

“I managed to escape my first violent marriage with some difficulty, but I’m now married to a truly good and principled man, safe and secure in ways I never in a million years expected to be. However, the scars left by violence and sexual assault don’t disappear, no matter how loved you are, and no matter how much money you’ve made. My perennial jumpiness is a family joke – and even I know it’s funny – but I pray my daughters never have the same reasons I do for hating sudden loud noises, or finding people behind me when I haven’t heard them approaching.

If you could come inside my head and understand what I feel when I read about a trans woman dying at the hands of a violent man, you’d find solidarity and kinship. I have a visceral sense of the terror in which those trans women will have spent their last seconds on earth, because I too have known moments of blind fear when I realised that the only thing keeping me alive was the shaky self-restraint of my attacker.”

Again, I am deeply saddened knowing that JK Rowling had experiences that caused lifelong struggles for her at the hands of someone she gave her trust to and had to endure throughout her first marriage. It is interesting that she feels she is able to sympathize with trans women who suffer similar abuses, despite her blatant disregard for trans people’s struggles on display throughout this essay.

“I believe the majority of trans-identified people not only pose zero threat to others, but are vulnerable for all the reasons I’ve outlined. Trans people need and deserve protection. Like women, they’re most likely to be killed by sexual partners. Trans women who work in the sex industry, particularly trans women of colour, are at particular risk. Like every other domestic abuse and sexual assault survivor I know, I feel nothing but empathy and solidarity with trans women who’ve been abused by men.

So I want trans women to be safe. At the same time, I do not want to make natal girls and women less safe. When you throw open the doors of bathrooms and changing rooms to any man who believes or feels he’s a woman – and, as I’ve said, gender confirmation certificates may now be granted without any need for surgery or hormones – then you open the door to any and all men who wish to come inside. That is the simple truth.”

‘Natal girls and women’ is another transphobic dog whistle. There is a non-offensive way to say this, which I am sure if JK Rowling has done all the reading she has claimed to do, she must have stumbled upon the word ‘cisgender’ at some point. It effectively communicates the same information without alienating trans people and implying they are less than cis women. Trans women are not ‘men who believe or feel like women’, and this long standing myth that cis men will use the guise of being a trans woman to gain access to public bathrooms and changerooms has been thoroughly debunked, because trans women have been using women’s bathrooms and changerooms for years with no issues. [source] And scroll up for the claim that Gender Confirmation Certificates are given out to any man who decides to be a woman for a day above, this is just more misinformation, no ‘simple truth’.

“On Saturday morning, I read that the Scottish government is proceeding with its controversial gender recognition plans, which will in effect mean that all a man needs to ‘become a woman’ is to say he’s one. To use a very contemporary word, I was ‘triggered’. Ground down by the relentless attacks from trans activists on social media, when I was only there to give children feedback about pictures they’d drawn for my book under lockdown, I spent much of Saturday in a very dark place inside my head, as memories of a serious sexual assault I suffered in my twenties recurred on a loop. That assault happened at a time and in a space where I was vulnerable, and a man capitalised on an opportunity.  I couldn’t shut out those memories and I was finding it hard to contain my anger and disappointment about the way I believe my government is playing fast and loose with womens and girls’ safety.”

First of all, JK Rowling is blatantly lying. The Gender Recognition Act Reform has been completely shelved by the Scottish government in light if the more pressing need to fight the coronavirus on April 1st, and I cannot find any updates on this being considered by the government. [source] The only trans related news out of Scotland I can find is that on June 5th, the Scottish government included trans women in the definition of women in guidance for school boards, which will have none of the effects that JK Rowling is fear mongering about. [source] Again, I am upset to know that JK Rowling is a survivor, but she is using this revelation as a weapon to make people fear that it will happen to others as a result of trans people gaining access to the same public spaces as their cis counterparts. Women’s and girls’ safety is NOT being put at risk by trans people using a bathroom or changeroom.

“Late on Saturday evening, scrolling through children’s pictures before I went to bed, I forgot the first rule of Twitter – never, ever expect a nuanced conversation – and reacted to what I felt was degrading language about women. I spoke up about the importance of sex and have been paying the price ever since. I was transphobic, I was a cunt, a bitch, a TERF, I deserved cancelling, punching and death. You are Voldemort said one person, clearly feeling this was the only language I’d understand.

It would be so much easier to tweet the approved hashtags – because of course trans rights are human rights and of course trans lives matter – scoop up the woke cookies and bask in a virtue-signalling afterglow. There’s joy, relief and safety in conformity. As Simone de Beauvoir also wrote, “… without a doubt it is more comfortable to endure blind bondage than to work for one’s liberation; the dead, too, are better suited to the earth than the living.””

This is misinformation. On Saturday evening, JK Rowling took issue with inclusive language being used in an informational and medical piece about coronavirus, which is in the best interest of getting the information out to the necessary people. I would stop reading an article that said it was concerning the health of women or females, because I do not consider myself a member of either category. I have, however, menstruated in the past, and continue to have a vulva, and if an article used that language, I would continue reading, because it would concern me. She then went on to strangely imply that trans people were removing the right of gay people and lesbians to be attracted to the same sex, which has never been true, and I don’t have time to get into the same-sex vs same-gender attraction debate, nor is it relevant to her original tweet. It’s ironic that Simone de Beauvoir’s quote relates more strongly to trans people and activists fighting for liberation instead of continuing to be bound by a transphobic society.

“Huge numbers of women are justifiably terrified by the trans activists; I know this because so many have got in touch with me to tell their stories. They’re afraid of doxxing, of losing their jobs or their livelihoods, and of violence.

But endlessly unpleasant as its constant targeting of me has been, I refuse to bow down to a movement that I believe is doing demonstrable harm in seeking to erode ‘woman’ as a political and biological class and offering cover to predators like few before it. I stand alongside the brave women and men, gay, straight and trans, who’re standing up for freedom of speech and thought, and for the rights and safety of some of the most vulnerable in our society: young gay kids, fragile teenagers, and women who’re reliant on and wish to retain their single sex spaces. Polls show those women are in the vast majority, and exclude only those privileged or lucky enough never to have come up against male violence or sexual assault, and who’ve never troubled to educate themselves on how prevalent it is.”

The only people who have any reason to feel any negative way about what a trans activist might say to or about them is a transphobe, so I can only assume the people JK Rowling is talking about are transphobes. The following sentence is just more fear mongering about ‘woman’ being redefined to include trans women, as if that somehow invalidates cis women or puts them in any more danger than they were in before. Predators are predators regardless of the existence of trans people existing. Trans people are not, nor do we have the power to, infringe on any right to free speech or thought, but transphobes will continue to face consequences for their speech, in way of trans people and activists exercising our own freedom of speech. The assumptions made about people who are okay with trans people in single sex spaces are baseless and completely unfounded, only biased assumptions that serve JK Rowling’s personal agenda. Even if these polls are true (she offered no sources), just because public majority agree with something does not mean it is right. History has multiple examples of this.

“The one thing that gives me hope is that the women who can protest and organise, are doing so, and they have some truly decent men and trans people alongside them. Political parties seeking to appease the loudest voices in this debate are ignoring women’s concerns at their peril. In the UK, women are reaching out to each other across party lines, concerned about the erosion of their hard-won rights and widespread intimidation. None of the gender critical women I’ve talked to hates trans people; on the contrary. Many of them became interested in this issue in the first place out of concern for trans youth, and they’re hugely sympathetic towards trans adults who simply want to live their lives, but who’re facing a backlash for a brand of activism they don’t endorse. The supreme irony is that the attempt to silence women with the word ‘TERF’ may have pushed more young women towards radical feminism than the movement’s seen in decades.”

Again, more fear mongering, because women’s rights are not being repealed or altered by granting similar rights to trans men and trans women. I find it entertaining that JK Rowling ironically fails to see that trans people are not the loudest voice, when she has clearly been the loudest voice internationally and has gained huge amounts of attention from her words, much more than any trans person has about this subject. Gender critical people feigning concern for trans youth aren’t excusing the harm their ideology does to trans youth (one example is the idea that trans youth must wait until 18 or even 25 to transition to be sure, and not ruin their fertility or body). Then comes the idea that the ‘good trans people’ who agree with JK Rowling and gender critical feminists and TERFs are getting a bad name from the trans people who just want to be allowed to change for the gym and pee in the right changeroom or bathroom. If more cis women are becoming transphobic, it has much more to do with loud voices like JK Rowling than it does with trans people, again, just fighting for equal rights and protections under the law.

“The last thing I want to say is this. I haven’t written this essay in the hope that anybody will get out a violin for me, not even a teeny-weeny one. I’m extraordinarily fortunate; I’m a survivor, certainly not a victim. I’ve only mentioned my past because, like every other human being on this planet, I have a complex backstory, which shapes my fears, my interests and my opinions. I never forget that inner complexity when I’m creating a fictional character and I certainly never forget it when it comes to trans people.

All I’m asking – all I want – is for similar empathy, similar understanding, to be extended to the many millions of women whose sole crime is wanting their concerns to be heard without receiving threats and abuse.”

I find it deeply troubling that JK Rowling chose this moment to come out as a survivor. It is extremely manipulative, claiming not to want sympathy, when she knows all decent people will feel hurt for her going through such experiences, and weaponizing it for her transphobic agenda. JK Rowling cannot expect empathy and understanding from any trans people or activists until she stops actively advocating and spreading ideology that directly works against the fight for equal rights and protections for trans people, that in no way infringes on the rights and protections for women. Until she stops trying to twist everything about trans rights into her own victimization, she will be stuck in the classification of transphobe, and TERF is she continues to align her views with radical feminism.

#jk rowling #transphobia #terf #important #long post #not hp