#OKAY SORRY IM LOSING IT A LITTLE they make me very ill | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

calisaalutforchriss · 11 days

Text

⋆.˚✮you make me lose my self control✮˚.⋆

summary: y/n went over to a friend, Gage's house. she was there for awhile. chris texted and asked where she was, she admitted and chris got jealous. very jealous.

a/n: first person pov? second? thrid? shit..i dont know. im so bad at writing smut. smuttttttttt. name calling, pretty girl, sweet girl, babe, etc. SOFTDOM!CHRIS SUB!READER. a bit of aftercare. fluff, p in v, no condom (bad chris, bad), dry humping...slight praise kink if you squint. little itty witty tiny bit of angst. all lowercase oopsies are on purpose

THIS IS TOO SHORT AND I HATE IT SO. FUCKING. MUCH.

i walked into gages house, smiling. i had on a baggy tee and a pair of chris's, (my bofriend) fresh love sweatpants. i put my bag on the ground, along with my nike dunks.

g: hey y/n!

i looked up to see gage making pasta

y: oh hey! whats up?

i walk over to gage and smile, greeting him

g: how ya doin?

y: great! you makin pasta?

i look down at the creamy Alfredo

g: yup! you ready? its done!

i nod my head and sit at the table. gage comes by and sets my plate down in front of me. and shit, it smells amazingggg. i take a bite and smile up at gage.

y: shit this is good.

g: thanks, its my mom recipe.

y: damn, slide me that shit.

me and gage laugh.

y: hey, thanks for inviting me and letting me eat with you. wanna take a photo?

gage nods his head, putting his fork down on his plate. i take out my phone and put it in 0.5x and smile, we both are touching heads. not in a weird way, in a friendly way.

g: good?

y: yup! can i post it to the gram?

g: sure, just tag me if you can, okay?

i noded my head. i posted it, a few hours later, we're playing a card game. we were laughing and having fun until i got a text from chris.

c: where tf are you?

i was a bit surprised, chris never acted like this.

y: at gages...

c: why? come home now.

what?...i was just having fun. dammit.

y: 10 more minutes?

c: home. now.

shit. i fucked the fuckity fuck up.

y: sorry, ill be there soon...

i looked up at gage

g: what happened?

y: i-i...my mom...i need to u-uh...goo...home! yeah! home!...

i immediately packed up my shit. no goodbyes were necessary, i was in deep shit with my man. i timidly opened the front door.

y: babe?...

i walked upstairs, into our bedroom, seeing chris on our bed, watching tiktok on his phone.

y: babe? what are you doing?

i put my bag down in the loveseat and take off my shoes.

c: where were you?

y: gage's

c: cool...

cool? what did he mean, "cool"?

y: yeah! it was a lot of fun! he made us alfredo and we played board games!

chris nodded his head, not even looking at me.

y: oh! did you see my insta post? doesnt he look so diffrent? i rember when we were in like 6th grade, we were so young and cute an-

c: cool.

i hate it when people interrupt me. chris knows that...whats his deal? is he...jealous?

y: whats your deal?

i asked, laying down next to him and pushing hair behind his ear.

c: it makes me so fucking pissed when youre always with gage.

what is he yaping about?...

y: im not always at gages house.

chris rolled his eyes at me

c: whatever. i dont wanna fight with you, baby. did you shower?

i smiled. even though chris was pissed, he was still a gentleman and a nice boyfriend.

y: not yet.

c: go shower.

i nodded my head and gave him a quick peck before getting out of bed and walking into our walk-in closet. i grabbed my silk pj dress. i never slept in it before, but...chris bought it for me a while back. might as well wear it. i shrugged and walked into the bathroom

10 OR SOMETHING MINUTES LATER

i hopped out the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. then my hair. i did my skincare routine, put on my deodorant, my pjs, and chapstick. i smiled then walked out. i saw chris, asleep. no matter how pissed he was, he was still my baby. i slowly got into bed, trying not to wake him. he turned around, looking at me. his hair a mess and his eyes droopy.

y: sorry, my love.

i smiled and kissed his temple before spooning him.

c: no, i wanna be big spoon.

he whined

y: mhp...fine...

i turned over, i felt chris spoon me...wait...that felt...weird...im praying that was the remote on my back.

y: baby? do me a favor, and move that remote?

chris smirked

c: the remote is on the nightstand, sweet girl.

y: i-is that your phone?...

c: on the charger.

shit.

y: why are you so...bricked?

chris grabbed my hips and my curves, caressing them and peppering my neck in kisses.

c: you. that dress. mhh..fuck...

i felt him thrust his hard clothed cock on my ass

y: fuck...babe! whatre you doing?...

c: let me fuck you.

oh shit, that made my pussy throb

y: fuck, babe. i just showered, though.

c: then you can shower again.

he wouldnt stop pounding his hips into me. i started to lift up my dress, revealing my lace panties...soaked

c: fuck, ma. so wet for me already, havent even touched you.

y: mhh...baby...please fuck me.

c: okay, baby. stay still.

chris slowly pulled down his boxers. he didnt have anything else on, besides boxers. now...they were at his ankles. he grabbed my ass and pulled my panties down to my knees and pulled me close to him.

c: fuck, baby. youre gorgeous.

i whined, needy for his dick.

c: fine, fine, baby.

chris pushed himself into me

y: mh fuck!

i whined. no matter how much we fucked, i had to get used to how long and thick he was.

c: mmh..fuck..youre so tight, ma. keep singing for me.

he slowly thrusted into me. i kept moaning, he kissed my shoulder as he thrusted.

c: fuck...so tight. this is what happens when you leave me for gage. fuck. so tight.

chris makes me moan, moan moan moan moan.

c: so

thrust.

c: fucking

thrust.

c: tight...so good for me, ma.

i moaned too loud. it was too much, i couldnt do it.

y: youre so fucki-

i moaned, i couldnt finish my sentence.

c: hm? im what? i need words, sweet girl.

chris asked, not stopping the hard thrusts.

y: BIG!

i felt the knot in my stomach tense

y: im gonna cum!

this made chris groan, and his thrusts harder and harder.

c: me too...fuck! mmmmhhhh

the knot snapped

y: FUCK!

i came all over chris, he didnt stop, his thrusts getting sloppy and he pulls out for a few seconds before groaning, he came all over my ass.

c: mmm...fuck...so hot.

i was panting, on my side, tired and out of breath. i went down and pulled my panties up.

c: good job, sweet girl. you did so well for me. i love you.

i was fast asleep. he chuckled and cleaned me up. he laid next to me, spooning me and falling fast asleep. our snoring making symphony.

i guess chris just lost his self control.

@livialifesblog thanks for the request. sorry its so bad.

#chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo fluff #chris sturniolo smut #chris sturniolo x reader #fluff #smut #sturniolo #sturniolo fanfic #sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #christopher sturniolo #matthew #matthew sturniolo #mature beauty

73 notes · View notes

marvins-linguinie · 1 year

Text

eddie: steve?

steve: hm?

eddie: i've been wanting to talk to you about something.

steve: what is it?

eddie: so, you know how corroded coffin has been trying to get signed for forever?

steve: yeah?

eddie: we did

steve: oh my god! that's amazing, munson!

eddie:

steve: why aren't you celebrating? that's big, eddie.

eddie: because.. because it's in new york.

steve: what's in new york?

eddie: the company that wants to sign a contract with us.

steve:

eddie: they want to give us our own studio, and they have a few houses and apartments to show us, so we won't stay in hotels.

steve:

eddie: and i know new york is far away. that's kinda what i wanted to talk to you about. i know you've never been out of indiana, but maybe, you could move with us? we've only been dating for a few months, so i'd understand if you didn't want to or something, but there's something here, steve. i know there is. and i don't want to lose it.

steve: you want me to move with you? what about robin? and nance?

eddie: they can move with us too, if they want. look, i know im asking a lot. you've spent your entire life here, and now im asking you to move to new york-

steve: no, i want to, it's just-

eddie: the kids?

steve, sighing: the kids. they're about to graduate, and what if something happens? ill be hours away.

eddie: steve, the kids are almost adults. and, i thought we talked about this. the upside down is gone. for good. el sealed the gate. we're good. they're good.

steve: but, i can't miss their graduation.

eddie: so, we come back for a week. you know what, i have an idea.

steve: what?

eddie: we come back for holidays, and big things, like weddings, and graduations.

steve: hm.

eddie: but, im not going to make you go, i know it's a big change.

steve: i just.. i don't know. do i have time to talk to the kids?

eddie: yeah, take your time, harrington.

[the next day]

dustin: so what'd you arrange this whole meeting for?

max: what's so important?

steve: i have to talk to you guys about something.

el: is it the gate?

lucas: but, wouldn't will know if the gate was open?

steve: it's not the gate. it's something else.

mike: can we stop playing guessing games?

will: what is it?

steve: here goes nothing. eddie is moving to new york, and...

dustin: and? he told us.

steve: and he wants me to come with him.

max: what?

will: to new york?

mike: that's all the way across the country! are you crazy?!

el: forever?

steve: i don't know yet. i don't think im going to do it.

lucas: this is crazy, man! new york?

steve: henderson? what're you thinking?

dustin: n-new york is a good state. has a lot of.. opportunities.

steve: dustin-

dustin: you should go, steve.

steve: nothing's set in stone yet-

dustin: just go, steve.

steve loves all of the kids. every one. even though they all get on his nerves, he loves them to death. and they're very aware of that, too. they are also very aware of the fact that steve doesn't do anything for himself. and, seeing dustin, so upset shattered his heart. he couldn't do it. but, little did steve know, the kids got together later that day, and made a plan.

will: we should throw him a party.

max: a party?

will: yeah! it'll be like a farewell.

mike: can't we just say bye and that be the end of it?

will: mike!

mike: sorry.

will: we all know steve wouldn't move to new york unless he knew we would be okay.

lucas: um.. guys?

max: what?

lucas: where did dustin go?

el: he is not here?

lucas: no. he was here earlier i thought..?

dustin, busting through the door: i have an idea.

will: where'd you-

dustin: no time to explain, just listen. we throw him a party. he doesn't like giant parties, but it would be small. maybe hopper, and mrs. byers, my mom, eddie, erica and robin. mike?

mike: what?

dustin: do you know if nancy's free tomorrow?

mike: how am i supposed to know? i don't watch her every move.

dustin: okay, we'll figure it out.

will: i just said that.

dustin: so, who wants to be in charge of decorations?

[the next day]

robin: steve, we have to go.

steve: go where?

robin: the byer's house. i forgot to give will something.

steve: can't you drive yourself?

robin: no. i don't have a license, remember?

steve: fine. you better make it quick.

[fast forward to the byer's house]

robin: can you come inside?

steve: why?

robin: because.

steve: because?

robin: just.. come on.

steve: .. you're gonna make me go in no matter what i say, aren't you?

robin: pleaseee

steve, getting out of his car: where's the thing you were going to give will?

robin: i don't know.

steve: you don't know?

robin: go inside.

steve: look, rob, i don't know what you-

the kids, eddie, & nancy: surprise!

joyce: steve! just on time. how are you?

steve: it's not my birthday.

dustin: oh, sorry about the balloons. we couldn't find any that said 'goodbye' on them.

steve: goodbye?

will: since your moving to new york, we thought it would be a good idea to throw a goodbye party.

steve: guys, this is...

eddie: it was their idea. they just told me last night.

steve: i..

max: you better like it. this costed forty dollars.

erica: i sold my old my little ponies for this. if you aren't happy, i will-

steve: you threw a party for me?

lucas: yeah, we had to do something.

robin: that was a lot of pressure. too much pressure.

hopper: hey, if munson gets you into any trouble, you let me know, okay kid?

eddie: i know i haven't had a great track record, but you have to give me a little bit of credit.

steve: i will. thank you.

joyce: i made your favorite, steve. lasagna!

eddie: wait, so does that mean your going?

steve: well, i think they've made the decision for me. yeah. i think it'll be nice to have a fresh start.

80 notes · View notes

chocottang · 12 days

Text

youtube

(looks at the time, midnight) perfect time for posting!

silly little animatic for a silly little au i will yap about under the cut. but basically, the shadows are humans, and gold is the illegitimate son of mr. golden, so he has to deal with lots of shit. also i KNOW the audio is not synced but IM NOT editing that again. i refuse

ok i will probably not make an actual comic or anything for the au so ill just tell you all about it rn even though im eepy and thus will probably forget things. also i didnt read through All Of That a second time so im sorry if theres mistakes or incomprenhensible sentences

uhhh the idea came to me bc i wanted to make human versions of shadows, but i thought itd be boring if all the shadows were just twins of their human with the exact same trauma. dont get me wrong its very interesting to see two characters deal with the same issues very differently but when its ALL of the pairs it can get boring (to ME, this is just my own feelings). so i went hey, famous people seem to never stop cheating, what if we did that instead? and boom gold illegitimate son was born. also when i say mr. golden i dont mean golden's dad, i mean golden and joy's grandpa. I KNOW. GROSS. thats kinda the point. it also wasn't like, a one night stand that went wrong, this man had a whole ass second family. technically not cheating though bc his wife was already dead, but still not good.

so. gold was just living his silly little normal life with his mom and semi-absent father (they would say he was just very busy with work and travelled abroad and all that, which is the exact same excuse he'd give golden when he want visit gold)(also gold's mom was very much aware of the whole thing from the start) when suddenly him and his mom got into a car accident. gold got scars and a broken arm, while his mom took most of the blow. her upper body was mostly okay bc gold was able to see the car coming from her side and instinctively pulled his mom away, but he could only move her upper body to the side, and her lower back and legs took the blow. so, with his mom hospitalized, the authorities obviously asked him to call his dad to come over. so he did, and mr. golden showed up. and obviously the news immediatly caught on to this and made it a scandal. the local rich old guy with a company that has always had a brand of helping society with their innovations turned out to have a second family, and a son who is around his grandchildren's age. how could u NOT report that. anyways, gold's mom needs to be hospitalized for AT LEAST a couple of months, so gold moves in with his dad. and of course, has to face his dad's "official" family.

now, gold had known that he was "illegitimate" for a while now. it was kind of impossible to ignore with golden's popularity. but he had never really processed it fully, it was sort of an unspoken thing that everyone in the household was aware everyone else knew, but no one wanted to mention it. as if by doing so it would suddenly become real and break the illusion of their "perfect" little family. but now he has to deal with the hard truth (and new trauma due to the car crash! yay!). he decides to try and "compensate" the heavy blow that his dad's reputation took for his, uh, existance, and decided to start helping around the company. he immediatly starts taking way too much work, because he feels guilty and wants to feel validated by his dad, to feel like he's also his "real" family, that he deserves to be called his son. and also because he never got that much attention from him anyways. he's now deathly afraid of losing his family, after almost losing his mom, so he tries his absolute best to be everything his dad wants and do everything he says. he was always kind of a pushover, because his dad was always emotionally distant and bareley showed up, but he had his mom around to compensate, but now that he feels he could lose her at any moment, that flaw skyrocketed in intensity.

that attitude also translates with the rest of the family, especially the cousins: golden, joy and jay. golden DOES NOT trust gold. he's convinced that gold started working in the company because he only wants the money, or the fame, or maybe the whole company (since gold would technically be before golden in the heritage, itd be much easier). but that's mostly his own trauma regarding feeling used for money by almost everyone he loves acting up. golden also dislikes gold bc he reminds him of the things he hates about himself, bending over backwards just to get affection from the old fart. soo yeah golden has issues and gold kind of embodies all of them (like a shadow. get it. haha.)

joy tries VERY hard to be nice to gold and seem accepting and like she's okay with all of this but she has very conflicting feelings. she always kind of idealized her grandpa, so knowing that he actually sucks is kind of driving her crazy (she is unaware of how much golden is fucked up bc honestly shes got fucked up in similar ways, having to appeal to her parents for affection and working her ass off as a maid basically, so it just seems normal). also, she feels iffy about gold, she doesn't distrust him like golden, she truly believes gold is just a normal kid, but she's VERY frustrated about the fact that he started working for the company just like that. she always wanted to work alongside her grandpa, she thought the company's ideals were lovely, but she was always shut off because she's a girl. so she explored her passion for music, which was encouraged, but only as a hobby, while golden got to make a succesful career out of it with the help of the family. and now this random kid who had never had ANYTHING to do with the company is working for it and being taught everything she wanted to know. it's completely unfair and it makes her seethe. but she knows its not gold's fault, and she keeps excusing her family, so she just hides it and hides it and tries to pretend she's okay with all of this.

jay is the only person who seems to be ok with gold. she loves attention and she hates being bored, so a sudden family scandal that gives them tons of media attention and makes all of her posts blow up is literally perfect for her. and it's all thanks to gold! she doesn't find him especially interesting as a person, but everything surrounding him is. and hes a total pushover! so she gets to make him carry her stuff, do things for her and crack jokes at his expense all she wants. she also just finds is funny that he's technically her uncle. gold knows that she's taking advantage of him, but he doesn't mind that much, because she at least doesnt hate him like golden and joy seem to do. and sometimes she's not an asshole, sometimes she genuinly enjoys his presence. let's just say that the bar is in hell

also. if i did things right u will probably tell that gold is fat, especially in comparison to the cousins. and thaaats because the golden family is actually naturally fat, but grandpa encouraged them to be thin to "protect them from the media". golden and jay have quite unhealthy habits, while joy just eats healthy and exercises, which is why she's not stick thin. since gold was never meant to be in the public eye he was allowed to just exist so hes a normal kid who doesnt give a fuck. other design notes, the broken arm and scars represents gold's face markings and completely black hand. and i gave him glasses because everyone gives him glasses and i think thats awesome

also uhh he becomes friends with the villains (who are the student council)nbecause owynn wants to get that golden family clout. gold joins the council as an assistant because hey! being useful! he's good at that and it may earn him a friendship. there he meets cami and they immediately recognize that they're similar. always doing what someone asks, always so serious, always calm and efficient, working towards their goal, never taking up space. soo they spends more time together (also bc gold is her assistant) and start leaning on each other. they become close. they also like that they're so blunt with everyone and each other, it makes conversation easier for them. and also they have a crush on each other because of course they do im PREDICTABLE.

uhhh idk if i have anything left to say if u read all of that hi. i love you

#fnafhs #fhs #mine #camold #una disculpa por la demencia #Youtube

9 notes · View notes

quodekash · 1 year

Text

its friday night/saturday morning, you know the drill

im sorry

pls gimme more threezo today

i love him and his fluffy curly hair so so so much

MY BOYS

pls tell me what happened to zo

HIM AND HIS WORRIED BOYFRIEND FACE GHRBGHJR

he just wants him to be okay 🥺😭

HE SAID IT

im crying

why do these two have to make me FEEL things?

somehow in my head i read “hes mad as a hatter” in the voice of a little british lad and its very amusing to me and now you know

specifically a little british lad from an old movie where the audio is all crackly and too loud

LOOK AT THE MAN’S HAIR

no i will not shut up about his hair

bro you are not subtle

MY BOY

i know i just watched 1000stars like three days ago, but it always makes me so happy whenever his incredibly but beautifully thick eyebrows appear on my screen.

im just realising how weird that sound

i meant his eyebrows along with the rest of his face

the existence of drake sattabut laedeke makes me happy

thats what i was trying to say

ooo yes i was hoping for more detail on jack’s depression. he really intrigues me as a character

me every day

hell yeah, consent is key, folks

the mattress is on an angle

thats really bugging me

can someone fix that please

surely thats some kind of safety hazard

why doesnt the mattress fit the bed frame

why isnt there some way to keep the mattress in place

what if youre a restless sleeper and you toss and turn and you fall off the bed and you knock your head on it?

if you knock it hard enough you could get a concussion

concussions arent good

they can lead to a lot of bad consequences

people should think more about concussions and concussion consequences when they design beds

concussion consequences is fun to say

concussion consequences concussion consequences concussion consequences, say it 5 times fast

oh yeah that’s right, theyre kissing

i got distracted by the mattress

the group is together!! :DD

i love their group dynamics

but most importantly

THREEZO

i am no longer enjoying the group dynamics

why do they have to fightttt

(i lied, im still enjoying the group dynamics. in fights, people are hurtful but truthful, so fights give a huge insight into the characters which is wonderful for analysis and picking the character apart)

this is the second episode in a row that three has lost his temper on the others a little bit and left the room at the end and zo has said ‘ill check on him’ and followed after him

anyway i love zo for it

he is good boyfriend

he is good friend

he is... hungry i think

^D^

i freaking love this man

bro their relationship is so freaking healthy

zo asks for permission to enter the room

he ignores the response, but only to keep him company. and i suspect that he knows him really well and knows that three should have someone with him, just to be there with him and help him relax

and he tries to bring three’s attention from the thoughts swirling around his mind and onto his physical presence, and three gets a little angry

but he communicates with zo, he tells him that he will answer questions, just not at that moment. he’s telling him that he’s willing to talk and communicate, but he needs time to understand so that he can explain his thoughts and feelings coherently. and he doesnt push zo away, either physically or verbally, so he tells him without words that he appreciates his presence, and he’s glad to have him there. he just cant really verbally communicate what’s going on right now, and that’s okay!

and then zo speaks to him. he gives him words of comfort, affirmation, support. he also provides the perspective of the others, a snippet of an insight into life outside of his own mind. “we all really did our best.”

“just because we lost once doesnt mean we will lose forever” ITS SO COMFORTING AND PERFECT how does he always seem to know the right thing to say

PLEASE THEYRE TOO CUTE

...

you know what im thinking

the msp brainrot is too strong

YIM SE YIM SE YIM SE

NGOW NGOW

anyway

VRJHDF HE SAID IT AGAINNNNN

i couldve gone more in depth about why theyre perfect but it’s 1am and im tired so i wont

“your hug can actually kill me. but im willing to die in your arms, zo” YOURE KIDDING. IT’S TOO CUTE. THEYRE TOO CUTE. THEYRE DESTROYING ME. AAAAAAAAAA VJRENJKR

I KNEW SHE KNEW

SOMEONE HAD TO KNOW AND THAT SOMEONE HAD TO BE AOI

reminding me of tinn’s little head scratch and “what just happened” in episode 4 after he accidentally made sound join the music club via hatred of him

oh hell yes, obligatory beach episode next week

the obligatory beach episode almost always ends up as my favourite episode

OMG THREEZO AT THE BEACH

I CANT WAIT

FINAL THOUGHTS:

im really glad cher and gun have finally figured out their relationship

i need to go to sleep

threezo are the greatest

35 notes · View notes

astraystayyh · 2 months

Note

Hi, I'm sorry for the long rant, I'm too scared to come off anon, but I really need someone to share this thoughts

Hyunnie is such a lover, a hopeless romantic, a precious little ferret, I just can't😭

"And if you don’t know love, I will make the best of us. And if you know so much, Why don’t you give me love"

"It’s okay to sell me some pain, love me"

Like babe, slow down will you?😭

And how he keeps thanking stays for loving him and asking stays to keep loving him in the long run (still can't get over the clip where he literally cried while asking stays to not leave them). Coming on bubble regularly to share about his little adventure or TMI to stay. Sharing his arts and telling us some behind stories about them.

For the members, on their vlog, where he said everything would be fine as long as they are together as 8. He also mentioned how he didn't like skinship but on the group contents, he's somehow always attached on the hips with the members. One thing I noticed whenever he filmed 2 kids room with another member, most of the time (if not always) he sat really close to them to the point their legs touched. He even laid on innie's lap throughout the whole episode.

Yk whenever those post about which members you wouldn't date, my first mind would always come to him. Don't get me wrong, it's just... he's too precious. I'm afraid I would hurt him. Or wouldn't be able to fulfill his expectations about love and relationship.

I hope happiness will always be with him

Thank you for reading my long thoughts. Have a nice day!

hiiii bb please dont ever apologize for long rants THEY ARE ALWAYS MORE THAN WELCOME,,, especially sweet ones like this 😭😭😭😭

he isssss it’s like his atoms are bound by love he’s so so lovely he makes me wanna cry 😭😭😭 « if you dont know love ill make the best of us » is the equivalent of ill love you enough for the both of us to me AND IT MAKES ME WANNA WEEEEP,,, his song was so so beautiful i agree 😭😭😭 he needs to slow down with the romantic lyrics like wdym « i feel your scent it came to me as my own breath » HOLYYYUHHHHHHH

stop this will make me cry :((( he’s such a pure angel and his love for stays is so genuine,, u can FEEL it in the way he talks to and about stays and the way he looks at them 🥹 he deserves ALL the love in our world

anddd yesss 😭😭😭 i think spending time with each other everyday makes them so so comfortable with one another and it’s so so endearing to see,, PLEASE NEVER SEPARATE THEM

wahhh i never thought of that perspective :,)) it reminds me of the whole « i’d rather die first because i can’t bear losing you » vs « i’d rather die last because i don’t want you to go through the pain of losing me » 😭😭😭 he is too precious i agree, and his view of love is so beautiful i would too be afraid to taint it,, but im greedy so id rather love him and do everything to make sure i’ll love him right, i think it’ll come very easily to me 😭😭😭😭

thank youuu for sharing your thoughts with me 🥹 this was a very heartwarming read hehe

#sahar's.asks <3

6 notes · View notes

quinnonimp · 1 year

Note

two things. one, your art is absolutely wonderful. i love the warm tones and style. two. got any like. weird art tips. like just weird things you do that work really well. or just art tips in general lol. there's something bout your style that makes me go ':D' lmao

aaaaaa tysm !!!! very glad u like my style <33 means a lot

and yeah id say i have quite a few with the way im very experimental n passionate abt art !

>> i think my weirdest one is rly just the main way i render tbh ? like, as u can pretty easily see with my main art style is that its all very crunchy n pixelated, n thats all cause i have anti-aliasing off for my brush . i render in a pretty unorthodox way but it makes things so so so much easier and more fun for me, even if its more time consuming for several reasons

heres a little bit of an infographic ive whipped up that hopefully u can get smth out of lmao . its 6am ive been up all night drawing as usual so im having a lot of trouble doing things properly sorry sorry

and the funny thing is this is aaaaaaaaall just cause i hate blending and am scared of committing to things (esp colors) so i just decided "okay whatever im gonna be goofy and just make it all pixelated idc anymore" and it worked !! (thanks homestuck) art is sm more enjoyable since i started doing this as it fits perfectly with the way my brain works and its helped me sm with getting better at colors bc of the way i have to do every single color manually (for several reasons like how i have to keep track of every color ((which makes me recycle them a lot more making things look more united)), gradients r the most fun to do but i have to make sure all the colors "blend" together nicely, i get to change them super easily, etc etc)

however these days i HAVE been trying to get back into working with anti-aliased brushes just to get out of my comfort zone n such, but tbh the only thing its helped me with is remind me how much more fun drawing aliased is and how absolutely dogshit i am at blending FDJHJKDF

also it makes me better at minecraft skins since im so used to working with pixels !

>> another little weird thing i have that honestly just goes against basic art rules is experiment by having ur values be as close together as possible without losing contrast . this is horrible as a tip, but fun as an experiment, and for me its just fun since i already know pretty well how values work and have enough experience to break the "rules" - because lot of times good shading colors r actually lighter than the original when put under b&w

so if ur like me i would recommend trying it out ! if u dont even know what values are then this ISNT good for u, do values properly as they really help

>> if u struggle a lot with side profiles, just learn from the gorillaz demon days album art . like literally im not joking that is THE thing that made me learn to draw side profiles and id say im pretty good at them now (however the effectiveness of this probably depends on the style)

and by learn from it i mean u can just trace it with any other characters, or study it, or reference it, yadaydayada . just do wahtever with it, damon albarn dgaf

obviously this isnt gonna magically make u great at side profiles but if u want a fun art challenge or ur a big gorillaz fan like me, it could get u kickstarted !!!! especially if ur doing it with ocs or characters u like that are in a band or something

ok thats all the tips ill be giving out tonight im a little sickly victorian child rn

hope it helped . uhm . bye

#anon #luckys art info #mailbox #quinnotalk #tumblrimp

13 notes · View notes

pink-gladioli · 1 year

Text

I need to write this because I need to get it out of my system and idk maybe after this ill stop lurking and start posting crap

this is a very rough draft of how i would re write the first ep of nexo knights prometed by @spicyicymeloncat s post talking about creating said re write. this is not a fully fleshed out story or even a good draft, it is simply me putting my ideas into text format. sorry in adanvance to anyone thinking this might be full fic or something of value, its just the keyboard smash of my thoughts.

So heres my shitty rendition of the first episode Okay first episode starts off following the main 5 including jestro in their 7th year at the academy (in this version there are 10 years of classes, and the first years are 10 yr olds) in the middle of a tournament battle. They end up losing cause jestro tripped or something and then Lance starts complaining about how this is their 3rd lost in a row and that jestro needs to start improving (in my mind he only really participates in the tournaments because his parents force him to, but it hurts his pride to lose). Clay of course starts defending jestro saying that he just needs more time to improve while jestro kinda just stands in the back looking embarrassed. Clay talks about how they have to better learn how to work as a team or something dumb like that and lance being the little bitch he is takes this personally. However, macy calms them both down before the situation escalates. then bells rings as lance and aarron are the first to leave and while axl follows them he gives jestro a pat on the back saying he did good and not to worry about it (I want axl to be more than just the one that eats a lot so hes very kind in my mind au). clay, macy, and jestro leave soon after and walk to some kind of ap class. On the way clay tries to comfort jestro after their loss (I want their friendship to be expaned upon more [it wont happen in the first episode, in my mind its mainly done by flashbacks. Think like zukos childhood is only talked about briefly or partly shown in flashbacks]) macy only butting in to mention that lance was being rude (macy for the most part is going to be similar to her show counterpart but im going to try to make her more mature because shes a bit whiny in the show imo). Once they make it class clay and macy say their goodbyes because jestro didn’t get the grades to make it into any type of ap classes so he kinda just roams the halls (the teachers don’t really like him, so they never took the time to properly fix his schedule). After a while he makes it to merloks library and merlok asks if he wants to practice some magic since he knows jestro doesn’t have classes. Jestro agrees and he start practicing a levitation spell on some pens with a wand merlok gave him. he struggles to control the pen, it either staying on the desk or flies up hirer then what he intended. Merlok doesn’t get mad though (mentor figure OoO more likely than you think) and just say that he should take a break and ask him about how his time as the royal jester is going. They talk for a bit before merlok has to leave to get something, but he says that he’ll be back. Jestro is just sitting there when he hears something (ya know who it is it’s your favorite necromancer) telling him to move closer to the book that is clearly sealed away before a magical barrier at the back of the room.

As soon as jestro gets to book, monstrox does the classic acting like hes not alive then going ‘boo’. This of course scares the crap out of jestro because imagen you start hearing a voice, thinking your going crazy, then this book behind a barrier fucking jumps scares you. Monstrox starts calming jestro saying some bs that hes one of merloks old friends before he and merlok got into a big fight and he cursed him to be a book filled with the worst kind of monsters for the rest of eternity. Jestro of course after hearing this is scared of monstrox (or the BOM or whatever you wanna call this man, book?) but mr necromancer over here starts telling his super sad 100% real backstory about how he was a screw up just like jestro and when he finally got good at something, that something being magic, he was shunned by the other wizards for not doing it the ‘right way’ (no it was because you were killing people ya crusty old textbook). Jestro despite sympathizing with him is still hesitant to listen to him so monstrox tells him that he can release him whenever he wants and that he’ll help him become respect and loved by his peer by taking over the kingdom. Monstrox then goes to ‘sleep’ as soon as merlok returns, jestro doesn’t say anything because a part of him is seriously considering siding with the BOM so he continues with his lessons with merlok. Do a montoage of the next couple of days of lance and some other students giving jestro shit until one day after lance was extra rude jestro is like ‘fine im going back to that crusty musty textbook and turning to the dark side’. Jestro, after merlok had finished his teaching and left the libary, manages to get monstrox out of his prison and into a bag (he also steals a staff idk how to incorporate that into this terrible story so far). On his way he ends up running into some 9th years that stars bullying him, this gets rid of his doubts that maybe he shouldn’t do this, and that he should just give people a second chance to learn the error of their ways and gives them some vague ass threat. Monstrox, who can hear everything, does that ‘oh ho ho now these mf are just re-enforing all the toxic ideas I placed in this boy’s head’ smirk and stays quiet for the rest of the walk.

Cue transition to an empty classroom as jestro takes out monstrox and places him on a desk, monstrox asks if hes ready to do this. Jestro gives a very ‘omg this moment is so emotional’ yes. While this is happening merlok returns to his library because his old ass forgot his pen or smt and realizes jestro (who usually stays in there until his next class starts) isn’t there and theres noting in the barrier prison thing monstrox was in. he of course goes running down the halls trying to find both of them, but before he can get far he gets stuck in a crowd of students as the bell rings. In the middle of the crowd theres clay and macy looking for jestro clay saying its odd that he wasn’t outside their classroom waiting for them like he usually is while Aaron, lance, and axl are just trying to get to their next class. Clay and macy run into merlok and ask him if hes jestro and merlok not wanting to say that ‘oh yeah know just looking for the wizard serial killer that has actually been alive for the last 100 years in my library that just so happen magically escaped’ just says that hes also looking for jestro and the form a small group while looking for jestro. on their way they pass aaron, axl, and lance looking confused af to why merlok is running like a track star followed by a confused clay and macy. Aaron looking for an excuse to skip class also follows them which prompts axl and lance to go off running trying to follow him.

Now theres a very scared and worried 300 something year old wizard being followed by five teenagers running down the halls of the one of the most prestige’s schools in the kingdom looking for a jester, and in merloks case a necromancer. Meanwhile jestro is opening up monstrox to the first page after the table of context and trying to figure out what hes supposed to do. Monstrox is like ‘have you never summoned the dead? Dam this is going to be more work than I thought’ and just tells him to read aloud the text at the top of the page and to wave his staff around. As soon as jestro reads out the ancient text with all the confidence of a mouse stuck in a piece of Rigatoni, the bookkeeper and either burny or sparks (it doesn’t matter which just one of them big guys) appears in front of him and causes jestro to scream in fear (the bookkeeper is harmless ik but he doesn’t know that). As soon as jestro realizes ‘oh taking over the kingdom mean pulling out monsters that could possibly kill every student in this school’ clay, macy and the gang (merlok is looking in a different classroom rn) burst in. Clay and macy thinking jestro is in danger immediately try attacking the monster but as you can imagen, they aren’t doing much damage, while lance runs out the room screaming for merlok to save them with his awesome wizard powers (aaron and axl also join the fight). Cue fight scene, jestro being like ‘oh no don’t hurt them they’re my friends’ and ‘I didn’t mean for this to happen’, the BOM being like ‘they aren’t your friends, they never did anything to help you’, blah blah.

Then right about when the monster is going to give the final blow to clay, lance comes rushing in with merlok and merlok does some wizard spell think sending a beam of gold flying out from his staff hitting everyone in that room and sending jestro and the BOM flying out of the window (this is the part when the main 5 get infused with some plot magic, hence why theyre the only who can use the nexo powers, shoutout to @spicyicymeloncat for mentioning this idea. They’re the ones that came up with most of the original ideas like the knights still being in school, them being hit with the magic rays, jestro being merloks appretince, and so many more cool headcaons that you need to check out like pls they’re amazing). Okay the screen goes black for a sec and then boom macy is the first to come out of the rubble (hc: her parents had fancy pants train her for any possible terrorist attacks, revolutions, or crimes against the crown) and immediately starts looking for clay. Hes mostly fine and the others start waking up as well but then clay starts looking for merlok and picking up pieces of rubble. Then after moving a very large piece of celling, he finds merlok laying there dead. 0o0 *gasp* this will totally not be fixed by the next episode and episode one ends there

is this crappy, yes i know

but this is just a very rough outline of how i would make the first ep, chapter, or part go and thats it, noting of substance

realisticly if i were to rewirte the whole story (which i might do in the same half-meme-half-writing style that this post was made in) i would make jestros turn to the darkside much longer, probaly taking in universe around half a year. that would also give me more time to expand upone each of the main 5 personalties and their reasons for becoming a knight. like just imagen instead of it being just a few seconds like described in the text, it would be months of jestros ecperince at the academy and finally taking up the BOM on his sugestion, not fully undertsanding the impact his actions could have on the kingdom until he gets his army of monsters.

again i wrote this because i wanted to get these ideas out of my mind and onto a word document and im sorry to this starved fandom that i wasn't able to provide a full story or even chapater of a show i know dam well could have been much more than just a ploy to sell legos.

again most of the actually good ideas come from @spicyicymeloncat and their post talking about a nexo knights re write. I guess this kinda my addtion to that post. if anyone that stubbles across this for some reason wants to use this a guide for a fanfic or any other type of fandom content be my guest! credit me ig?? idk how to do this ive never really posted anything before this

bye

#nexo knights #lego nexo knights #nexo knights rewrite #sorry again if anyone thought this was a full fic or smt #this is kinda just word vomit #jestro #clay moorington #macy halbert #axl #aaron fox #lance richmond #merlok #monstrox #i am cringe but i am free

16 notes · View notes

multiplicity-positivity · 1 year

Note

i don't even know if you guys are okay with this kind of ask, but im in a rough spot and any input or positivity would be delightful

cw for questioning? i don't know if i need to say that but i am haha. self fake claiming too

so uh. around a year or two ago was when I started learning about DID and OSDD. at that time, i felt like it explained a lot. like a lot a lot. the memory loss, the disassociation, the fluid identity feeling, the lack of memories before i was 13, among other things. i was really close to the host of a system I've known for years, and i was trying to figure things out. then i just lose the time, and suddenly, it's not 2021 anymore, it's 2023.

i do not have the resources to seek professional help, or i would. so I'm trying to research more. but the more i look, the more things get confusing.

for example: some people say you MUST be able to see an innerworld and hear your alters, and others say you don't. ive heard very little (that i don't even know if it was real), and can't see shit.

i know i have a lot of symptoms of DID, but i feel like even saying i could have it makes me look like im trying to latch onto a trend (which im not.)

i dunno. some people i know have said they think i have DID, but others say it's just Bipolar Disorder. it's not great and i just wish i understood everything happening

hey, sorry you’re going through a rough time trying to figure this out :(

for what it’s worth, no, you don’t need a visual inner world in order to have did. here’s the requirements (as we understand them, paraphrased from the dsm)

1. two or more distinct personality states

2. amnesia surrounding trauma, important information, or every day life events

3. symptoms that cause you to have significant distress or impairment

4. with symptoms not able to be attributed to spiritual belief/practice or

5. the effects of a substance (like drugs or alcohol)

that’s the official criteria in the dsm. here’s a link to the icd criteria - it’s a bit more complicated but there’s still no requirement of having an inner world.

if you’re a host, anp (apparently normal part), or main fronter of your system, it’s likely you won’t be able to have access to the inner world, other headmates, or many of your system’s memories at first. did works by hiding, masking, and disguising trauma, and it does this in a few different ways. one major way is by keeping those who handle day-to-day life separate from those who hold traumatic memories that otherwise would be too much to handle. in fact, it works so well as a covert disorder, many people don’t realize they have a dissociative disorder until well into adulthood, if they ever learn about it at all. so not having access to an inner world, other headmates, or certain memories is definitely normal, especially early on in the recovery process.

i understand you don’t have resources to seek professional help. here’s some free resources that may help you if you’re going to attempt self-diagnosis. we’re advocates of self-diagnosis (not everyone can afford quality mental healthcare), but it’s important to make sure you’re doing proper research.

truly we cannot recommend enough getting therapy to help with this. dissociative disorders are complex, and it can be incredibly difficult to try and navigate recovery on your own. if you tell us your country (you’re welcome to dm us) we can try to help you find affordable, state-funded, or otherwise non-profit therapy organizations in your area.

also, “self fake claiming” is a very common experience in did systems. some parts may want to deny the system’s existence as a means of protection from others, some do it to reasonably deny trauma, some do it because they’re afraid of what having a dissociative disorder might mean for them, some do it because dissociative disorders today remain heavily stigmatized. we’ve been officially diagnosed for around 6 months (after questioning for years), and we still have parts who adamantly deny that we’re a system at all. we understand this will change with time as we continue to grow, heal, and build trust and communication with each other.

sorry if this response was a bit fragmented or all over the place. we’re not trying to diagnose you here. we just want to provide you with some tools to continue your research along with dispel some worries or concerns you may have. hopefully this was able to help a little bit - best of luck to you!

🐢 kip and 💫 parker

#trauma #did osdd #osddid #questioning system

17 notes · View notes

hyperfixationhopper · 2 years

Note

Can i request like headcanons of Revenant with a male reader who loves physical touch, cuddles and stuff but rev doesn't know how to react to affection and tries his best to comfort them?

(also ur kay/o headcanons is *chefs kiss* robots needs more love, have a lovely day)

rev needs a hug honestly

(TYSM I WAS WORRIED IT WASNT VERY GOOD FHDKDKDKF also YOU TOO TY)

also fair warning im a little new to writing in a blog style, im more familiar with stuff like ao3, so im still experimenting with how im formatting things, warnings, info, titles, etc. ill admit I wasn't really thinking when I made the previous post, hence the lack of title, warnings, info, etc (I apologize for that sksjdjdk). so, bear with me, im still experimenting and fucking around with things, itll be a bit before i figure it all out <3

hfjddkd sorry I got a little carried away and made it a full story ;; and sorry its not very much like how your request asked, I got an idea and ran with it (Im so good at not following requests properly fr)

extra info? the romantic relationship is newly formed, and having a bit of a rocky start, you're both still figuring everything out.

warnings? angst, a bit of violent behavior on rev's part lmao, other than that its mostly fluff

soft guy

Only what could be described as a panicked mechanical grunt emitted from Revenant, as arms wrapped around his midsection without warning. Without missing a beat, he whipped around while simultaneously exiting his assailant's grip, prepared to attack, his hands already molded into the sharp blades his victims knew all too well, prepared to kill.

However, he backed down nearly immediately, realizing who his alleged attacker was; you, his boyfriend, completely and utterly terrified. Normally, the simulacrum loves scaring people, it's why he joined the games, to strike fear into those unfortunate enough to have the horrifying, sadistic and merciless Revenant as their opponent. Something about the power trip is so enticing to him. But him, scaring you? No, he cannot afford to drive you away. He won't let the one person even remotely interested in spending time with him escape, as selfish as it sounds. You're too special to lose.

He grunted, his hands reverted to their previous state, his fingers wiggled around a bit, finding their places once more. He glares at you. "Skinsuit, you can't pull shit like that, unless you want to be impaled." His voice laced with malice, he had a scary quality about him. If you knew him better, you would know better than to think of this as a genuine threat if you knew him well, rather, it was a red herring, a veil. If you knew him better, you wouldn't think he was set on hurting you, really it was just a concerned warning, in his own way. He doesn't do well with surprises, and he isn't used to intimate touch yet, let alone a surprise hug, which is unfortunate for you, a lover of touch and intimacy, however, you didn't know him well enough to identify the veiled warning, and took it as it seemed; a genuine threat. You stumbled backwards slightly. His dim yellow optics convey some sort feeling of.. Regret? Dissatisfaction? You couldn't tell, it was definitely something negative, for sure.

You were shaking a bit, and tears were threatening to flow. Was he really about to kill you right then and there, without a second thought? Fuck, this guy was scary. "Ah- Sorry.. I uh, I didn't think you'd react like that.." Revenant's gaze softened, and looked way more friendly- well, maybe not friendly. Passive? Something along those lines. He eyed your face, analyzing it. He walked over to you, and you flinched slightly as he came close. "Hey, I'm not gonna hurt you, okay?" His tone was quiet and soft, eyes attentive, his voice still managed to hold that attractive gravelly effect. He knelt down so you were eye to eye, he was obviously trying to make his body language look less threatening, though it wasn't very effective. "Look at me." You were afraid of what he'd do if you didn't, so you complied. Revenant sighed, and paused for a moment, unhappy at your fear. "Look... I'm sorry, okay? I... fuck..." He sighed, his confidence faltering. "I don't want you to be afraid of me, skinbag." He looked away, embarrassed at his confession, and he took a deep breath through his artificial lungs. "I... damnit.." You swore his "cheeks" were turning pink. "I want you to... feel safe.. with me.." He breathed out a handful of curses. He pinched the bridge of his nose, his eyes closing as he huffed, his internal fans were noticeably whirring now. He stood back up normally, bringing a hand up to rub the back of his neck.

Holy shit.

This guy really does care, doesn't he? The tough guy persona was really starting to get to you, so much so that you were starting to think he didn't like you. Though his stubborn and rude attitude really were just an act. You were happy he could be open and vulnerable with you, even if it wasn't a whole lot, and not for very long, it was a small step, and that was everything to you. He was embarrassed, but he succeeded, it meant so much to you that he could sacrifice his ego just for your well-being. You really meant something to him, you had to. Your tears and fear were long gone, in fact, a smile was nearly on your face. Your doubts about this relationship were melting away by the second, maybe this would last. Revenant didn't seem to be the type to have such moments of weakness, especially this early on in a relationship. Such a juxtaposition compared to how he's usually teasing you with horny remarks or jabs at you for whatever reason.

"Thanks Rev, that means a lot." His eyes glowed more intense, seems he likes the nickname. His stance had evened out now, standing normally. He hummed in approval, analyzing your face, memorizing every little detail, as well as searching for any possible sign you were hiding that you were upset. His eyes kept coming back to your lips. He was definitely smiling, and now so were you.

"You're handsome when you smile, skinsuit, y'know that?"

God he could kiss you right now.

And that he did.

#revenant x male reader #the r in fr is for revenant #god I love revenant #live laugh love?#more like #revenant revenant revenant

26 notes · View notes

darlinguistics · 1 year

Text

im sorry i dont usually post rants here but i need to get this out, ill put it under a cut

tw im talking about ABA therapy, and conversion therapy mentions.

and i understand those would be triggering for many autistic people to read about but as someone who isnt autistic id really appreciate yalls reaction to this if its something youre comfy speaking about

okay someone just like be blunt with me, esp the autistic community here, correct me if im wrong but isnt ABA therapy for autism like, bad??? horrible?? im not autistic and i have no personal experience with it but ive seen videos on it ive read about it and i always came away with this idea that it was really super flawed and irredeemable and just an outdated practice, kinda like conversion therapy for gay people in my mind. and like i knew it still happened anyway (like conversion therapy does) but i thought it was just Mostly understood to be Not Good. but heres where ive been losing my mind - im an undergrad student trying to become a speech-language pathologist one day and so im in a club at my school for SLP students and the literal PRESIDENT of the club like very openly is an ABA therapist for autistic kids on the side. like thats her job. ive heard her talk about it, its in her descriptions when shes listed on some websites, and every time i see it i feel like im being pranked like it feels like a dark joke or something.

like whats going on here someone just tell me how to feel please, am i just naive and apparently its Not super obvious how bad it is? or is ABA more nuanced than i thought and im overreacting? is there any way to do it in a not harmful way that i just havent heard of? or is it actually bad and just way more accepted that i thought it was??? i thought it was so obviously terrible but here i am in a stereotypical liberal school at a club meeting that asks for your pronouns and is all about advocating for people with disabilities and the president,, is an ABA therapist. when like half of the people in this club would say theyre interested in working with patients on the spectrum if you asked. like thats horrifying to me and im not even autistic.

like idk i dont wanna sound like a naive little kid being like “bad people exist?? impossible!!” so im sorry if im coming off like that but idk its just making me so sad and im so shocked and like disgusted and frankly embarrassed to associate with the club, but then i look around and no one else even seems to care and ugh. ugh ugh ugh.

i knew id encounter some weird hypocrite shit like this in academia eventually especially in my field but i guess i wasnt expecting to see it so soon and so blatant and so like personal, like this girls only a few years older than me yknow? ok i need to stop ranting im just making myself upset i just feel helpless and thats just not productive

#rant #tw aba therapy #tw ableism

8 notes · View notes

philsmeatylegss · 1 year

Note

aaa sorry hopefully you're okay with people responding to your rambles (your most recent one that talks about suicide). just wanted to say i'm very very proud of you for healing and i can relate to your post.

hopefully you are okay with me sharing this story but im a young phannie, im 15, and i found them when i was 11 which was a few months before quarantine hit. extremely long story short, for me 11-13 years old were the scariest years of my life and i don't think anything will ever come close to that again (thank god). that's when i used to rely heavily on dan and phil videos (mostly phil). like i just have so many memories of like i don't know, being on a road trip with my family and being completely out of my mind but i would turn on an amazingphil video or a song that amazingphil mentioned and desperately try to immerse myself into that rather than my thoughts. now that i'm 15 (which is like. unbelievable honestly) i see their content on my feed but i rarely ever engage anymore, and when i do it feels like making my inner child happy. it's weird to think that something i held very close to me and that kept me above water for so long belongs in the past now along with really deep trauma. even if i ever get back into binging phil's videos (i probably will because man he is so nostalgic to watch and i just love him) i'm sure i will never engage with them the way i used to, because i'm simply not the same person. it's sad and also really euphoric and healing at the same time to watch yourself let go. anyways that's my 3am rant lol (i have yet to lose younger me's sleep schedule) thank you for listening and please have a wonderful day/night ❤️

I literally relate so hard to this and it’s really comforting to hear similar stories to mine. I fucking hate when people dismiss mental illness if the person is <14. Ages 12-14 were truly the most terrifying years of my life where I truly believed I would not be able to keep living. I’m very thankful I was surrounded by people who took it seriously so I was able to get help early on. But it’s so important to recognize the little things that also got us through. I know there’s a lot of people who roll their eyes when you say this musician or content creator or actor or whatever saved my life and that’s because people take it too literal. I do credit dan and phil and twenty one pilots with saving my life. Obviously, it wasn’t just that. It was years of therapy and medication and healing, but their content, what they brought into my life, was something I needed to hold on to. It gave me motivation. It was a distraction from pain that wasn’t harmful to myself. I connected with people who I truly felt understood me. And that’s something I needed during that period of my life. Now that I’m older and developed a personality and I’m so far from where I was, I don’t need to be obsessive because I don’t need a constant healthy distraction to get me through life. I can just be a regular fan. And still enjoy that little rush of joy I get when they upload. It’s such a unique experience that, though I am so sad people can relate to, is so important and interesting to discuss. I often joke about being suicidal and really mentally ill at a really young age and I know a lot of others do too. And that’s okay, but it truly is important to congratulate yourself for still sticking around. Even if you are still depressed or unhealthy. And it’s okay to have motivations like being a fan to keep you happy and to keep you going. It’s also okay if you’re getting older and you want to let go a little bit. You don’t have to completely abandon it. I know I’m so fucking far from abandoning dnp and 21p. But it’s okay to not be as obsessive as you were. It’s a sign you’ve grown up. You’ve healed. I appreciate so much what dnp and 21p did for me and I still remain a loyal fan, but it’s okay for me to let go because I can live without needing them. Being suicidal at such a young age is a very specific, tragic experience that you can only understand if you went through it. That’s why it’s hard to discuss topics like this without sounding batshit crazy. But I’m glad some of us are here talking about it.

#asks #dan and phil

2 notes · View notes

aftermathing · 1 year

Note

Hey! Saw you're going to Therapy. Therapy is great if you put your whole ass into it. There's a lot of different kinds of therapists bc there's a lot of different kinds of ppl. You're only going to be able to learn what kind of therapist works best for you by trying them out.

What's important is that you know *why* you're in therapy. Everyone needs it, sure, but you need a goal or you won't get anything out of it. A lot of therapists will ask you 'what do you want to get out of therapy' so think about that.

I would avoid mentioning suicidal intent until at least you've established a relationship with your therapist or you will get sent to grippy sock station. And tbh for some people that's okay! Depending on where you live and your insurance (assuming ur American rn) you might end up in a facility that's helpful. What's more likely is you'll be tossed in a mentally ill holding pen that's understaffed and run by people who don't know what they're doing, except that their job is to make sure you don't hurt yourself by whatever means necessary. So if you are in a place where you cannot get better, a place where every action brings you closer to hurting yourself, then hospitalization might be worthwhile. Im bipolar I and have been hospitalized a few times. Sometimes it was helpful other times it felt punitive and punishing for no apparent reason. I'm here though, so something worked somewhere.

A lot of what they say in therapy sounds stupid. Tumblr and the internet at large spends a long time saying 'Karens think meditation cures depression' so when your therapist suggests a body scan meditation to calm down, or when they suggest you try to change your thoughts using skills like CBT, it will sound stupid. Genuinely try it before you discard what they suggest.

I've never had a therapist get mad at me for stimming or anything like that. In fact my first therapist was the one who encouraged me to have something in my hands when we spoke. Their main goal is to get into your juicy brain. Make them earn that copay and don't lose track of why you're there: for you.

Feel free to ask me questions btw. My friend sent me your way. I don't mind helping out. Sorry for the long ask.

That helps A LOT, thank you so much!! I feel like I can go into it much more prepared now! I basically know nothing about therapy except for what I've seen on TV, which I know is probably incorrect, and people irl have been generally unhelpful and a little avoidant when talking about the process. I know it's probably a very private thing to talk about, but if that's true then I'm not sure why so many people have demanded I go since the process was too much(?) for them to explain to me. Now I'm finally going for myself, not because anyone told me I needed to. Thanks again!!

#Ask

2 notes · View notes

salaciousslut · 4 months

Note

Thats literally what i do to write back to you when im at work 🤭 i honestly check when im walking around the store with my phone brightness on low bc i would die if my coworkers saw my blog!!! Im glad you are, i feel lucky to have been able to talk to you for this past little while<3

I get what you mean, its why i wanna call you perfect like 90% of the time if im being honest 🥺 i just know youre interesting and that have a lot of skills that i just need to work up the courage and just ask about in your dms🫣

I wish men weren't so stupid about hitting on women like if shes looking at you like you're weird then its time to apologize for wasting her time and leave. Like its that simple! i feel like if a girl is out with her friends you just shouldnt approach her to flirt, like let her have fun with her friends?

You're so sweet darling, i think youre the one that's stunning and amazing 🥺 like i know youre so fucking pretty<33 i wish i could have spent tonight holding you and playing with your hair if you let me🥺

I expect a cute puppy to have the zoomies<3 it only makes sense, youre all pent up and you need to be played with🥰<333

Our similarities have me curious, do you know your rising sign? 🫣 and i got pretty distracted tonight playing Hades, i just get stuck in a loop with that game and i always think i can keep track of time and then bam, three hours have passed. It warms my heart youre thinking about me with that yuzu candle lit omg<3 and im sorry i got so distracted sweetheart, i hope your night's been well. Fingers crossed hoping you havent gone to bed🫣

good morning handsome!! i hope u slept okay!! hehe i had a dream about you last night!! a very good one so yippee!!!

hehe just think about it this way, dm we can message a lot easier! plus i think im already a lil enamored by you! but i know its hard so tale your time!! ill be here kicking my feet and giggling!!

i love when people play with my hair omg!! it makes me sooooo soft and sleepy and happy! just i love lil gentle touches like that!!

hehe im a aquarius rising! and i feel like thats pretty accurate too!! what about you??? hehe ill share my chart with you eventually if you want!!

i hope you had fun tho!! i know what you mean by losing track of time so i totally understand hehe!! just know tho, if i was there, id be teasing u all night until u were cuddling with me in bed!!

#ci answers #butch my beloved

0 notes

aries-tornado · 11 months

Text

Fuck it. I'm tired of holding everything in. When I'm awake at night and everything *should* be fine, I'm plagued with memories that my brain blacked out. So I'm gonna write about it when I feel it all over again, not for anything but peace within myself.

Tonight I can't sleep because of one of my dogs, my first with my ex Joe. His name was Slater and he was the most happy go lucky lil Staffy even though he was rescued from being a bait dog in dog fighting. I wanted him from the second I met him, but I pulled away because I was hoping the "dog fever" Joe had was temporary. I did not want to bring another living thing into "our" world. Regardless, we left with him, and at the least I was over the moon. I trained him. Fed him. Bathed him. My little baby, who clung to Mia as a little brother, he warmed my heart everyday.

But Tonight's memory was the first big blow up in "our" world because of Slater. The grocery store was out of the food he was eating, so Joe called and asked me about it (I was not allowed to grocery shop with him). I told him for some dogs switching foods can cause stomach issues but, "he'll be fine" was the response. Maybe a 36 hours went by, it was about 4am, a little before Joe got up for work that Slater was clawing at the door to go out. I offered to let him out but I wasn't allowed ("out" was upstairs and onto the deck on the 2nd floor). "Lay DOWN, Slate!" Joe kept grumbling half asleep, making remarks about "Katie wanted this fuxking dog...piece of shit..." when eventually we heard what sounded like Slater peeing. We both jump up and he's in the corner with his head down pooping in the corner. All hell broke lose and all I remember is grabbing Mia and holding her, after Slater ran under our California King and Joe picked the whole bed up, shaking it and screaming "IM GONNA FUCKING KILL YOU! IM GONNA FUCKING KILL ALL OF YOU!"

All I remember next is cleaning, while the smell of coffee and the faint noise of the news upstairs crept down the flight of stairs to the basement, where our room was, and the occasional "piece of shit dog ruining my piece of shit house" would echo from upstairs. I don't remember why but he only let Slater out once, and when Slater came back downstairs to Mia & I, I saw him get up from his bed leave the room. I immediately knew he was still sick from his new food and tip toed after him. He looked me in the eyes in a way that is burned into my brain forever. Looking back, A sad, "I'm sorry, please help, i know you hurt too" kind of look. And in the moment I just pressed my finger to my lips, cuffed my hands, and let this poor baby shit into them. It was a tragically hilarious scene, looking back, as if he almost understood my "shh" and I kept eye contact so he knew he could trust *me*. He finished up and I whispered to him what a good boy he was and how ill always protect him, "go lay down for mommy". He seemed okay, but the second he left to lay down I kinda froze, realizing I was right at the bottom of the stairs, (which were carpeted, like 90& of the house, so foot steps aren't heard) and at any moment Joe could be coming back down to say goodbye before work. I went straight to our bathroom a few feet away, flung my hands, full of shit, into the shower, used a towel to clean my hands, then the little bit of poop that got in the carpet. Threw it into the wash room adjacent to the bathroom, ran back to the bathroom and stripped naked, into the shower and water on. All of this, just to hide (another) accident our 2 year old puppy had, to further any abuse to him by the hands of my ex. An accident I warned Joe about, something that was very normal... you switch up a dog's food, it's gonna take time to get used to. You have to fix the old food with the new food slowly over time to adjust their stomachs. But no, we were too prefect of a family to have that happen. And I was never allowed to be right about anything.

So, at the time, telling myself this was all my fault (somehow), I washed the shit down the drain and pretend to decide to "take an early shower" is what I told Joe. Because, see, before this I NEVER took showers that early, especially before he even left for work. And I paid the price for that, too.

Because, my beaten, Stockholm Syndrome brain could only come up with the excuse "I want to be extra productive today, babe! I really wanna do a deep clean of the kitchen, and you know showers help me wake up!" I half fake smiled and half begged him to believe me. Looking back? Girl...just tell him how you had to clean up dog shit from early and felt gross? But no, me then thought that would somehow give away Slaters extra accident I was trying to hide. I don't know why, but does any of this make sense? No...nothing does in an abusive relationship.

So I paid the price. And I'm not mad that I did. My ex being the lunatic he was, accused me of taking a shower early to "get ready and clean for another man to come over and rail me after he left for work". I'm probably low balling this Stat but at LEAST 80% of all of Joe's delusions were about me cheating, and looking back...projecting, much?! I guess it's the "victim" left in me or idk, but I feel like I have to say I never cheated on him, nor did I ever even *think* about it. I was so brainwashed I felt like he could read my mind, but that didn't matter because looking back at most of our relationship...sex with ANYONE, even masturbation was the LAST thing on my mind.

Back on track, apologies. I'm in the shower. I'm told to turn it off. I do. He questions me like I said before and when I do my little "I want to be motivated!" Lie to him he grabs me by the cheeks. Kind of like when you squeeze a cute little babies cheeks, but hard, painful, every fingernail stinging into my skin as I hold still to be a "good girl" and listen to him tell me all of the crazy things he'd say. Idk if I blocked it out at the time, or of my brain is blocking it out now, but I just remember thinking "be good, listen, nod and say anything he wants to hear. You aren't doing anything wrong, so as long as you act good he'll know you're good."

I don't remember the rest of that day, I remember him grabbing my face, I know he left for work, and he came home. I don't remember anything else.

But what I will always remember, that makes me clinch my jaw so hard I feel like I'm going to crack a tooth, is Slaters eyes, looking at me. With such sadness, such...hopeless...hurt......I just can't. I took so many beatings for that dog, that wonderful, amazing, resilient dog, that I will forever feel guilty for having had kept in that house. This is just one story about him. And I know thru healing I did the best I could for him. But I will forever think about him. And his sweet, drooling smile. I hope he's happy. I hope he remembers me, and if he does, it's me being his protector. I love that dog more than words can express and I'd give everything to see him one more time.

#cptsd #trauma #dog #staffy

0 notes

warmthintouches · 1 year

Text

Me: I need to quit falling asleep so early then waking up at this hour and not being able to go back to sleep

Him: it is true, you've been falling asleep pretty early on me this week 🥺

Me: I know, im sorry. I really enjoy our late night weird talks

Him: i...uh...I do too tbh. I get weird when I know you've fallen asleep and I want to send you stuff to wake up too but then I feel cheesy.

Me: always send me the stuff. I really enjoy it ☺

Him: I feel like ill lose my coolness if I send you the cheesy stuff late at night.

Me: and why would you have to worry about being cool with me? I'm the biggest nerd and I love that about me, and you've accepted that very nicely. you just need to be yourself silly.

Him: I do kinda wish I was as okay with myself as you are sometimes

Me: oh, don't be fooled...I hate myself most days. But, I've accepted that I am who I am, there's nothing I can do about it so why try to fight it.

Him: hm..thats a good way to think about it. But you also shouldn't hate yourself. You're lovely 😘

Me: ☺☺☺

Him: you are 2 cute for me ☺☺

Me: nah, we both equally cute, thats why it works. Couple lil hotties 🔥🔥

Him: omg ☺😉

Me: 😏😏

Him: you need to go back to sleep

Me: not until you tell me a secret about yourself.

Him: ...you serious? At this hour?!

Me: ...why not?

Him: good point...hold on. Let me think of a good one.

Me: okay, am waiting 😊

Him: okay okay....sometimes I get jelly of your love for your cat and the relationship you have. I wish I was close to an animal like that. I have my dogs but they're the family dogs and neither of them care about me all that much. You and your cat are like two peas in a pod.

Him: thats probably weird isn't it?

Me: thats not weird at all. I craved a bond with an animal before I got my cat. And its only been recently that hes started sleeping with me. Do you...take time out of your day specifically to give your dogs attention? Do you play with them regularly? Do you make sure to give them cuddles when you get home for the day? Bc all of these things would let your dogs know you care about them and make them more willing to spend time with you.

Him: im an asshole, of course I don't do those things. I probably should, huh?

Me: you can't be an asshole and expect things to love you anyway... you need to show your dogs you care about them and spend time with them even when you don't feel like it. Its just like appreciating another human honestly.

Him: ....are we still talking about dogs here?

Me: 😳😳😳😳 yes!

Him: 😉😉 okay, just checking

Me: you gotta show them love if you want them to to give you affection!

Him: ....you sure were still talking about pets?

Me: YES, everything i say just keeps coming out soppy sounding.

Him: its cute 😍 and I should spend more time with my puppers, you right you right.

Me: you cute 😏 and I know im right silly. My cat follows me everywhere unless he's snoozing bc I give him attention and pets. He even talks to me all morning while I get ready for work. And he checks to make sure I'm alive when I sleep.

Him: oh the life of a cat owner. I don't even let the dogs in my room while I sleep...bc...I don't want them to get my bed dirty.

Me: I get that, I do. But if you want them to be more affectionate to you, you might have to open up a little

Him: 😳😳😳 not my strong suit

Ne: they're animals~~~ they can't even tell anyone about you being cute with them.

Him: im going to leave my bedroom door open tonight and see what happens.

Me: it might not be right away! So don't be disappointed if they don't come rushing to sleep with you or give you cuddles. They're used to you being closed off so it might take a bit.

Him: you positive we're still talking about my dogs? 😏😏

Me: omg 😅😅🤣 yes. No weird meaning behind what im saying. Im just trying to get you to have an animal friend.

Him: okay cutie 😉😏

Me: you shush. I was really trying to help 😳🖤

Him: I know, I was just teasing ☺☺

#produceboy

0 notes