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theshitpostcalligrapher · 3 months

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ASKBOX IS OPEN REQUESTS ARE OPEN HERE ARE THE RULES

ground rules:

1) Funny- the request needs to be humorous, memes usually the most popular but dnd in jokes and other shitpostery is welcome. i abide by the MBMBAM NO BUMMERS rule - there are plenty of sad/deep/beautiful calligraphers out there who’d be happy to work with yall, but this isn’t that sort of channel

2) Length - aim for no more than 75 characters a request, my cue cards are only so big so I can only fit so much on each one and still not look like garbage. There is a little leeway but if you send me smth with like 120 characters it aint getting written

3) Amount of Requests - I am trying to be fair but i am one person running almost the ENTIRE thing, logistics, tech, etc, I have twitch mods and a roommate for retrieving things and that's it. In order to be fair, please restrict yourselves to 3 requests per person to let everyone have a shot, if you send in more i will ctrl-f your username and pick my favourites

4) Content - I will not do anything I consider under the umbrella of general assholery - this includes racial slurs, edgelord bullshit, exclusionist jackassery etc. Please be kind to each other. Please let me know if I’ve taken a request that is some incredibly obscure piece of assholery, someone once tried to slip a really obscure antisemetic piece of slang by me once

5) Repeats - I keyword tag EVERY SINGLE piece i’ve ever done on this blog, if you think I might have written smth already but aren’t sure, the /search/[keyword] is your friend, check if i’ve done your request before

the askbox is theshitpostcalligrapher.tumblr.com/ask , not a dm or submission to the blog. I’ll close submissions too so people don’t get the boxes confused. DM me for any actual clarifications, kind words, etc so they don’t get swallowed up by the behemoth of my askbox for months, and if you want to give me live encouragement the twitch link is right there, and is the ideal way to inquire more about any of the day's rules.

If you want to jump the ENTIRE queue and get your card done immediately, there are ways to donate on the twitch stream to get your request done with an ink of your choice. You can still submit 3 free requests in addition to what you pay for.

I’ll be streaming the entire time the askbox is open on twitch @ theshitpostcalligrapher, trying to get as many of these done today as possible live. Once 10PM EST hits, the askbox will close but if you get your request into the askbox by then, it will be done eventually as I always have 4 cards up per day.

Here’s the link to my twitch, we’ll start a little after 3 o’clock.

twitch_live

Here is a direct donation link to my streamlabs, it works like a ko-fi but I’ve got it set to give me alerts on my twitch so I can see and thank you straightaway for supporting my takeout order

I've planned on a few donation goals this time! They help pay for all the hours I put in and the material costs. Every time we hit a goal, I'll refresh it to 0 and math out whatever overlap to add to the new goal

$20 > Time For Tea! I make a sparkly, food safe glittery tea that looks like ink to enjoy with yall on stream

$30 > Jackbox Break! My Discord VC and potentially chat plays a few games

$40 > Takeout O'clock: It is time to order a food, Mia! Polls will probably be involved for food options

$200 (I am fairly sure we won't get this one) > I bought all the requisite items to bleach my hair to prep for a dye. Let's do this shit LIVE ON AIR BAYBEE

Also of Note: I will be moving house sometime in the next week and a half, which means I will be RECYCLING ALL OF THE CARDS I'VE WRITTEN IN THE PAST TWO AND A HALF YEARS (save for the ones folks pay for on stream, those are earmarked to be mailed out anyways) so if you've gotten something written by me from september 2021 to january 2024 or so, please remember that there is an an etsy shop where you can snag any card from the blog for a few dollars. dm the shop if you'd like to buy a bundle of randoms, I WILL give you a sale about it

#calligraphy #shitpost #faq #openaskbox rules #openaskbox

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cat-boots · 7 months

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holyyy fucken shit i finally found your blog. mail time

did you ever go through a period in your art where it felt like your artstyle was bad? like, have you ever felt like you needed to learn super duper realistic anatomy really badly or else you'd just be bleh forever? what'd you do?

thx. -p

hiya!

I've definitely had times where I've seen some amazing work by someone else and thought "well what's the point in making anything myself? this person's nailing it!". that's a trap, though! comparing yourself to others is a one way ticket to a hellpit of perfectionism that's a real struggle to get out of.

much better to compare yourself to your past self. you can see the growth, then. and if you see someone else do something amazing, analyse it and see if you can pick up anything from it you can use in your own art.

the "two cakes" meme is an old one but nothing's said it better - even if you made a cake that isnt as impressive as another one at the table, it's still another cake! holy shit, two cakes!

what's most important to me, despite things like technical proficiency, is that I'm having fun and that my art gets the point across that I'm trying to make. I don't mean that it has to have super deep meaning - more like, if I want to draw a cute dragon wizard casting a spell, then did I draw a cute dragon wizard casting a spell? that's all that matters, baybee

also I'm self-taught and I try not to fret about things like "super duper realistic anatomy". I've always been a "learn as I go" kinda guy so as long as it looks right to me then it's good enough

thanks for the nice ask :3

#askboots

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lightdash · 7 months

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HI... i finally beat covid & my brain is feeling a bit less mush, so i'm going to try and get into the swing of things here again! also, it's been two weeks since the dlc came out, which means i've gotta barf some thoughts under a readmore;

i've been spoiler conscious so i haven't had much of a chance to scream about it yet, but. But. (grabs you by the shoulders) Listen. i've been mentally comparing the end to dark oak since frontiers came out, because sonic x is in my brain at all times, so you can imagine the reaction i had when THIS HAPPENED,

THAT'S JUST THE SONIC POWER CANNON BAYBEE!! THAT'S SONIC DRIVER i love it, aa so cool... 😭 and CYBER SONIC?! HIS TEETH and the blue is so pretty! he is definitely a love letter to fleetway and i'm very endeared by that — kanemaru-san's voice acting during that scene is just really good too, as usual but i was impressed!! hearing sonic scream like that hurt but.. wow... cool...

it feels strange, i'm having a "two cakes?!" scenario with light's blog now... wondering which ending i want to be canon for him. the original is still the best narratively to me, but i love sonic's friends actually getting to help in final horizon! AND THE GUN AND CYBER SONIC I CAN'T NOT HAVE THAT i think, i might... mix them. so that.. hm,

team sonic still hunts down the emeralds to help sonic. they all meet up at the end of ouranos, and sonic fights supreme.

once supreme is down, the end takes over it's body like in final horizon. sonic fights it, steals the gun, ect ect.

he goes cyber sonic and eggman shoots him out of the gun, but he misses supreme? and goes right through the moon.

enough to wound it but not enough to kill. sonic's free floating through space...

... and sage takes over supreme to save him.

they fight the end together normally, like in the original ending. sage's sacrifice remains in tact and we get the best of both worlds.

i'll write up a proper post for this another time so it's set in stone for light's blog canon but. whew! what a fun addition! i love it and i never want to do master king koco's challenge again thank you xo

#* ∙ ✰ / out of character.#sonic frontiers spoilers #< for the dlc specifically!#tread with caution if you haven't played it #just screaming dont mind me

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itswavelengths · 10 months

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Threading the Needle

Less than a single day after launch over 30 million people have joined Threads, Instagram's version of Twitter. The app is very much a minimum-viable-product copycat of Elon Musk's bird site, but their version of an MVP is still significantly more feature-rich and ready for prime-time than most other recent challengers to the throne.

The big advantage here is the use of Instagram's social graph to boost Threads signups on day one. The onboarding flow is as easy as "tap on your Instagram profile, tap on a second button to follow everyone you already follow over there, and you're done" which takes about fifteen seconds and is a significantly simpler experience than Bluesky which requires a highly coveted invite code or Mastodon which requires a whole separate blog post to explain. I think most users will discover pretty quickly that the people you followed for their photos or life updates are absolutely not the same people you want short-form text updates from... but how much does that really matter to Mark Zuckerberg who gets to boast Threads is well on its way to being the fastest growing social app of all time? Whatever gets you on board, baybee!

The app's single home feed is currently algorithm-heavy, mixing very few posts from people you follow in with a majority of posts from random users, celebrities, and brands platform-wide. The ratio is clearly way off here, and users have been loudly clamoring for a change. Adam Mosseri, Instagram and Threads' lead within Meta, has already publicly stated a feed of people you follow is incoming. Beyond that there are a lot of basic social networking features that are surprisingly absent from Threads at launch: Hashtags, usable search, post editing, post translation, alt-text on images — the group of features Mosseri has described as "on the list" feels exponentially huge. You have to wonder what the priorities will be and how long it will take to see some of these features come to the platform. Threads has a huge advantage out of the gate by tapping into Instagram's userbase of over two billion people, but retaining those users by listening to community feedback is going to be as challenging as building the app in the first place.

So it's worth keeping in mind Instagram's track record here. It's 2023 and Instagram still doesn't have an iPad app because it's "just not a big enough group of people to be a priority." Meta, one of the largest tech companies in the world, can't allocate any of their resources towards creating a high quality tablet experience for their app built around sharing and viewing photo and video? It's nonsensical! If the entire iPad userbase doesn't represent "a big enough group" to make a dedicated experience worthwhile, what does that say about accessibility features or other niche-but-important requests?

Assuming the state of Threads as it stands today will remain the same for an extended period of time, I see the app taking on a different life from just being "new Twitter." At launch, Twitter featured a reverse-chronological feed with no algorithmic intrusion, making it a great news delivery mechanism if you followed the right people. Those first few months and years of the service established the norms and future of how Twitter and the social web at large evolved. Third-party apps like Tweetie invented the pull-to-refresh interaction we see in every app on every device today. Users of Twitter began implementing hashtags as a way to more easily find like-minded community members via search, a feature which eventually became core functionality for the experience. But it all started with the launch product and timely updates from friends and proto-influencers. Twitter as a product has never really strayed too far from everyone's initial impression (despite Elon's best efforts).

By comparison, Threads is establishing its own norms in lieu of the aforementioned missing features. Brands are scrambling to figure out the right post-cadence and tone. Is posting breaking news moot in the face of an algorithmic feed? If your Threads and Instagram followers are the same, will posting images to a text-based platform feel redundant? These are questions which will be answered without intervention from Mosseri and team, and instead be dictated by the early adopters and community members who find hacky ways to actualize new methods of interaction with the toolset that is currently available in 1.0.

Am I excited that Mark Zuckerberg's Twitter has the best shot at being "the next big thing" given the many viable alternatives? Absolutely not! But there's no denying that Threads will be a hit despite Meta's track record for lying, stealing, and knowingly upending society. In the face of this, the internet-obsessed kid inside of me who loved to text 40404 to tweet in 2007 is excited to witness the birth and evolution of something that is accidentally unique because of what's missing instead of mind-numbingly samey because of what's already there.

I'm brendonbigley on Threads.

Catch you later!

#threads #twitter #instagram #tech #blog

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minuy600 · 20 days

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LEGO On A Budget 2024 #8: 60428 Space Construction Mech & 31145 Red Dragon

Peak has been acquired. Although we still got 2 more blogs after this, I think nothing will top what you're about to see right here. Just watch.

LEGO City - 60428 Space Construction Mech

Okay first of all, how cool is the space theme? Honestly, every time I go to the Kruidvat and see the more expensive Space sets, like the 4+ Spaceship and Asteroid Discovery one or better yet, the Insterstellar Spaceship, I have to pinch myself to ensure I don't throw away another 18 bucks then and there. This one didn't seem as compelling at first, but that's the budget life, baybee.

This is just the Ninjago set but better. I mean. The fact you got a couple extra small builds instead of merely some minifigs definitely adds to the experience to me. You may miss the cool swords, yet you get compensated plenty with how unique many of the pieces are. In terms of the mech itself, I find them to be fairly even, though considering the Space Construction Mech's more formidable amount of pieces, I am giving the edge to this one. It manages to be a bit more stable to stand upright, and it has the cool little gimmick of being able to move the left hand's fingers more or less freely.

Ninjago felt more unique, yet this was ultimately the more fun set to put together. A 'stellar' finale to LEGO City's pretty stacked budget lineup of early 2024. Haaaa.

LEGO Creator - 31145 Red Dragon

Oo hoo hoo. Hoohohohoo. Hohohoho.

Yeah I love Creator 3in1. Such a novel concept, essentially tripling the value of your purchase by giving ya 3 things to build. Of course, the two builds that aren't the focus are gonna be smaller, but all that matters is what design you prefer. You're still getting your money's worth.

Gonna start off with the smallest and my personal least favorite, the fish. And even THEN, this one is still excellent! It feels rather nice and chunky in the hands, like it's definitely a substantial build. Plus, there's plenty of movable parts too, like, everything you expect to move *does*. Certainly left a solid first impression, and this is the bottom.

The bird is certainly a bit less unique as there's plenty of LEGO birds around I feel, and the idea of it flapping it's wings isn't AS compelling to me. The extremely adorable design more than makes up for it though. Look at it. Lil goofy cartoony bird. I really liked having this as a lil decoration for a couple days while I was busy doing birthday things.

But here comes the bingus. The dragon from the cover. He thwarts all with his imposing (not actually imposing) size. Flexible arms and legs that look better than any other one so far. Flexible tail and wings, too. Hell, you can even open and close his mouth as was shown on the box. Extremely impressive and very cute to boot! The only mild concern is that it doesn't stand upright as easily as some earlier sets. Oh well, at least it ain't one of those Friends minifigs.

Current rankings:

The Space Construction Mech would've been number 2 at worst if it wasn't for the absolute delight that is the Red Dragon and co. It's a very cool set, maybe a touch boring for a Space theme, yet still very flexible and solid, with loads of unique pieces. Well worth adding to your extraterrestial collection.

LEGO Creator is quite handily my favorite theme, though. The value for money is rather extreme. For 9 bucks, you get two slightly smaller builds that look goofy and fun, AND a similarly cutesy dragon that can be messed with however you desire. 100% my favorite build by a long shot, it's not even on the same level as all the others. If there's any budget set to buy, it's this one. Same with most other Creator sets, honestly.

Creator - 31145 Red Dragon

Friends - 42608 Tiny Accessories Store

City - 60428 Space Construction Mech

City - 60411 Fire Rescue Helicopter

Marvel - 76275 Motorcycle Chase: Spider-Man vs. Doc Ock

Ninjago - 71805 Jay's Mech Battle Pack

Super Mario - 71428 Yoshi's Egg-cellent Forest

Friends - 42606 Mobile Bakery Food Cart

DREAMZzz - 71471 Mateo's Off-Road Car

Friends - 42607 Autumn's Baby Cow Shed

City - 60401 Construction Steamroller

City 4+ - 60410 Fire Rescue Motorcycle

City - 60400 Go-Karts and Race Drivers

Friends - 42612 Cat Playground Adventure

Minecraft - 21251 Steve's Desert Expedition

City 4+ - 60399 Race Car

Just two more sets left that I could actually review very soon. I'm excited to be done, my retro games have been giving me a stink eye for like 3 months now. The final FINAL post related to LEGO is scheduled for a later time, when i've already resumed the reviews of that OTHER major hyperfixation.

#minuy600 #review #lego #lego review #lego city #lego creator #lego space #ranking list

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domjaehyun · 1 year

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I posted 3,784 times in 2022

3,543 posts created (94%)

241 posts reblogged (6%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@domjaehyun

@ncteez

@neopuppy

@renjunfocus

@lustbile

I tagged 3,777 of my posts in 2022

#answered - 3,452 posts

#anon - 3,010 posts

#🧠 - 255 posts

#pola - 196 posts

#srb - 118 posts

#unknownnctizen - 85 posts

#jizz.txt - 83 posts

#soup - 81 posts

#big sad - 71 posts

#☀️ - 69 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#if you see me follow up this post with stress that it’s long then no you didn’t mind your business i’ll circle back to this vibe again

My Top Posts in 2022:

pussy fiend, part 2 (l.dh)

PAIRING ➢ haechan x fem!reader

GENRES & AUS ➢ smut, humor, fluff; college au, enemies to fuckbuddies to lovers, roommate au

WORD COUNT ➢ 68.9k total, in 2 parts (28.2k & 40.7k)

WARNINGS ➢ invasion of privacy, Haechan’s a sneaky little shit, cocky!Haechan, jokes about emotional manipulation, author pretends to know about stuff she doesn’t, mild dubcon

CONTENTS ➢ (mild) dubcon, bratty switches! boffum!, somnophilia, oral (receiving), allusions to a free-use kink but barely, rimming (receiving), creampie, dacryphilia, brief thigh job, praise, barely degradation but if you’re sensitive note that, some spit kink, panty sucking (?), Haechan’s a bit of a pain slut, fingering, biting

SUMMARY ➢ part two baybee!! uhhh he still likes you and is still a fiend for pussy bestie have fun :)

AUTHOR’S NOTE ➢ thank you so much for all the love on part one!! please do not get upset with me if you ignore the contents/warnings and get your feelings hurt; that is no one’s doing but yours. massive thank you to my love @ncteez for all her help with the initial idea and beta reading this monster for me :')

PART ONE FOUND HERE !!

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2,344 notes - Posted March 4, 2022

SURVIVING NO NUT NOVEMBER (L.MK, L.DH)

MEMBERS. mark lee x fem!reader x lee haechan

GENRE. smut…that’s it… some humor

WORD COUNT. 28.8k (i’m not apologizing and you can’t make me)

CONTENTS. weed consumption, haechan favoritism (it’s me. what did you expect), explicit smut (slightest of dubcon, chasing kink (? y’all idk), quite a bit of edging/orgasm denial (giving), dry humping, handjobs, blowjobs, cunnilingus, finger sucking, bit of spit kink, unprotected sex, creampie, double penetration, anal, rimming (receiving), overstimulation (receiving), praise kink, some slight degradation, bratty switch!reader, bratty switch!haechan, needy switch!mark, haechan really likes calling you “puppy,” i think that’s it)

NOTES. hi :3 thank you to my love @ncteez (hon) for beta reading this for me! i’m on my mark & haechan monster cock agenda thank you very much :)

PLAYLIST. video games - sun // seduce - russ // pth - emanuel

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2,598 notes - Posted November 26, 2022

KISS U RIGHT NOW (L.MK)

pairing. mark lee x fem!reader genre. some fluff, smut word count. 6.9k contents. kissing, breast play, fingering (receiving), oral (giving), unprotected sex

summary. in which mark just really wants to kiss you. alternative summary. five times mark wanted to kiss you and one time he actually does.

notes. happy (belated) birthday @najaemarkl !! this fic is based off the song ‘kiss u right now’ by duckwrth 🥰

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2,767 notes - Posted October 2, 2022

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4,682 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

pussy fiend (l.dh)

PAIRING ➢ haechan x fem!reader

GENRES & AUS ➢ smut, humor, fluff; college au, enemies to fuckbuddies to lovers, roommate au

WORD COUNT ➢ 68.9k total, in 2 parts (28.2k & 40.7k)

WARNINGS ➢ invasion of privacy, Haechan’s a sneaky little shit, cocky!Haechan, jokes about emotional manipulation, author pretends to know about stuff she doesn’t, mild dubcon

SUMMARY ➢ uhhh he likes you and is a fiend for pussy idk bestie

AUTHOR’S NOTE ➢ long time no see! please consider sending a donation/tip if you enjoy the fic! please do not get upset with me if you ignore the contents/warnings and get your feelings hurt; that is no one’s doing but yours. if you enjoy the fic, please consider tipping me here or here!! ALSO massive thank you to my love @ncteez for all her help with the initial idea and beta reading this monster for me :')

PART TWO FOUND HERE !!

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5,052 notes - Posted February 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #fun times :3 #looking at the top five posts i forgot what else i even posted fic wise but . idk i cant keep track of all of em #this was a pretty productive year :D i think :)

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tazicypher · 2 years

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Will It Fit? One-Shot

WELCOME TO MY FIC DEBUT BAYBEE!!!!

Y'all can thank @matchstick6812 for being a true supportive QUEEN and encouraging me to post this!! (u are the light of my LYFE enjoy bestie)

Summary: Fitting room shenanigans inspired by this prompt: “You tried on a shirt that was too small in the store I work the changing rooms at and I had to help you out of it and now we’re making small talk” au from this post

Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre/features: Retail AU, heavy flirting, lots of humor & references, some thirsting, usage of pet names bc I am WEAK FOR THESE MEN

Word Count: 2.9K

Rating: T but minors DNI this blog ain't for u my wee ones

Warnings: swearing, mentions of drinking/partying, s!ut used in a positive context, humor-laced distress at having to ask for help

Fic below the read more break!

You were practically floating through the mall, radiating the aura of freshly hit direct deposit from the paycheck that booty-dropped its way into your bank account last night. The only worry on your mind now was the fresh digs awaiting you on the rack at the new store that opened up. It was supposed to specialize in a mixture of club wear and unique fashion so you were excited when you saw its neon-lit display on the other side of your favorite smoothie spot.

When you walked in with a smoothie adorned by a sassy straw, a baritone voice rang out to welcome you in. You gave them a quick smile, not at all surprised that the employees here are ridiculously attractive. The clerk folding clothes had soft brown hair with light curls that fell into his eyes and loose clothing that alluded to a fit silhouette. To be honest, it motivated you to find something in here that would make you feel as good as he looked. Your mission was set on obtaining a new top that would go well with the leather skirt you bought last month, so you filled your arms with any strappy and slutty contraption you could find in their late-night section while day-dreaming about all the free drinks you could get next Friday in the right look.

Haul in tow, you strut yourself over to the fitting rooms, stopping yourself from catching the attention of the attendant that had his back turned to you. He was squatting down, ass looking fine as hell in black skinny jeans that tucked nicely into Chelsea boots. When he was about to stand, you cleared your throat to announce your presence, watching as he turned to you with a pleasant smile on his cherub face. His white collared shirt was tucked into the high-waisted jeans, accenting his slim waist, while silver earrings glistened in the bright lighting of the fitting rooms to compliment his jawline.

“How many sweetie?” He asked you, leaning against the counter.

“Um, to be honest I didn’t count.” you laughed and he returned a polite chuckle while tapping the counter with his hand. You deposited the pile of clothes and sipped on your drink while you read the smudged words on the badge that hung around his neck that roughly equated to “once you” above his name - Jimin - “you can’t Jim-out” below it.

Lizzo’s “Good as Hell” rang out from the speakers while he counted the hangers and plucked up a bright pink placard. “We don’t allow drinks in the fitting rooms.” He pointed to a sign on the edge of the entrance that you had to turn around to see, and his bell-like laugh greeted your ears when he walked around the counter to kick the trash can further under the desk. “But I’ll let it pass this time because you’re cute.” He winked before grinning at you and spinning to lead you down the hall of mirrored doors. You pressed the cold drink to your hot cheeks as subtly as you could. “Name?” He called over his shoulder.

“Y/N.”

“That’s pretty.” He mumbled as he wrote your name out in bubble letters, opening the door to hang up your tops while his leg kept the door propped open. You drank your smoothie a little faster, trying not to admire the way the fabric flexed on his thighs or the fact that all the mirrors in the dressing room offered every angle on a silver platter. Girl, get a grip. Lizzo’s voice reminds you of your mission: to blow way too much of your paycheck on cute clothes to be the one that’s admired.

“Thank you.” You squeaked out when he held the door open for you.

“I’ll just be at the counter if you need a different size or anything. Feel free to call me - my name is Jimin!” He then went back to his post at the front of the area. Now safely secured in the bubble of your fitting room, Doja Cat came on the speakers like the universe was cheering you on. You briefly wondered if Jimin would like any of these on you.

Slipping off your own shirt you shook your head, he probably helped dozens of people a day, you needed to vibe.

Your haul was relatively successful so far, some of the minidresses you picked out fit well and you had three top contenders to go with the leather skirt you were aiming to find a partner for, but now it was time to try on the shirt you picked off the clearance rank. Much like Mario Kart, you have some curves that men find enticing. This was your double edged sword in life because while you served the D to the E, to the L-I-C-I-O-U-S, dressing your assets did not come without its risks. You’ve had to jump into your jeans in front of college one-night-stands and risk a nip-slip at way too many pool parties to think this top was a good idea. It was gleaning on the edge of too small, and your tatas will either come out looking fierce or like an orange shoved into a glass. Still, you persisted like the warrior you are. Kesha did not raise a quitter.

It should have been simple really, the shirt was a black tube top with straps that rounded over the breasts up to your neck and then turned into fringe at the shoulders, but you were sure the entire store could hear you grunt and gasp and curse as the damned thing practically choked you like an anaconda. Fuck you Nicki Minaj, apparently this one don’t want none and we should have left it in the rainforest (read: clearance rack) where it belonged.

Finally pulling it over your face, you sucked in a loud gasp before tugging the zipper on the back up to your nape, satisfied. Hands on your hips, you looked in the mirror with a proud smirk. They had us in the first half, not gonna lie, but you were nothing if not determined to get a good deal. Clicking your tongue, you examined yourself in the mirror. The body of the shirt sat well and the fringe was fun, but the tatas were where the magic was supposed to happen and failed like a middle school talent show. It reminded you of when your bestie Mattie sent you a photo she took of when she shoved her knees into the neck of one of her favorite dresses during a stint she had on a dating app. You wished she was here to help you in and out of this monstrosity, and normally she would be heaux-ing it up with you, but she was busy traveling for work this weekend.

“A career woman,” you sighed dreamily, “just like Elle Woods.”

You reached forward for your drink, needing to refuel before getting back to business to defeat the funds. However, when you reached back for the zipper, your arm couldn't move all the way because of the constricting fabric.

“Damn anaconda,” You murmured, attempting to shove your arm into the shirt to pull it off you instead. Unfortunately, this was an even worse idea as now your elbow was definitely caught in the stupid plastic strap meant for the hanger and the top was out of stretch. Any more tugging and you’d Magic Mike this shit open. You pressed your forehead against the door, weighing out the option of living your life in this mirrored box. How much money would you need to doordash food here until the grim reaper needed to shop for a date night outfit too? Could a contractor walk you through installing a shower via phone call? You’ll probably have to cancel the subscription on your mobile games to conserve funds until you can score some sponsorships for “longest person to live in a fitting room” - is that a Guinness World Record? You’d look it up but you can’t waste battery life until Mattie gets back in town to bring you a charger from home. This is it. This is how you die. By an alien predator that sucks the oxygen from your body slowly but surely while disguised as a cheap fast-fashion shirt.

You hear the click clack of Chelsea boots and debate calling for Jimin. You wonder if he could round up some strong girls in the store to help you on the claim that you needed someone to hoist you higher to fix the lightbulb in here, but after glancing up you realize the store is perfectly intact - the damn maintenance crew did their job. Sighing, you call his name.

“Hey Jimin?” You hear him click a hanger onto a rack and walk over to your door.

“How can I help?”

“By chance, do you have any female employees?” His answering chuckle stung your heart like ice.

“I can assure you my fashion sense is as good as any-”

“No no! That’s not what I meant at all. I need help with a zipper.”

“O-oh.” He cleared his throat, “Well, I can look away once I have my hands on the zipper if that’s okay?” he suggested, clearly unsure.

You sighed, figuring this was as good as it was going to get unless you were going to become the next Buzzfeed article. You unlocked the door with your free hand, hesitating on the knob.

“You have to promise not to laugh.”

“I promise, sweetheart.” Jimin calls, voice gentle this time.

You whip open the door and see his eyes widen down at you through the slim gold rimmed glasses as he takes in your exposed skin and titties that looked more like two stuck together gumballs than cleavage. Jimin went from awe to clearly pressing his lips together in an attempt not to laugh when his eyes dropped down to your tyrannosaurus arm sticking out from the not-so-safety net that was your shirt.

“You promised.” You announced, face void of amusement.

“Right, yes, turn around and let me help.” Jimin gave you an apologetic smile, eyes sparkling with mischief that made your heart pound a little quicker.

You held your hair out of the way for him as he tugged the zipper down, freeing your neck from its confines. You went to wiggle your arm out, but you were still stuck in the unforgiving fabric tube.

“Uh,” Jimin hesitated, “Do you want me to help pull it up? I can close my eyes.”

“Honestly you’ll probably need them open,” You muttered, “This thing is more complicated than a damn knot in the boy scouts.”

At this Jimin perked up “I was a boy scout!”

“I might make it out of here alive then.” His bell-like laugh released some of the tension in the room while he reached forward to slip his hands under the bottom of the shirt.

Here’s where things got complicated. The straps routinely got caught in your earrings, Jimin had to maneuver your arms and hair in ten different directions, and you basically wrestled yourselves deeper into the fitting room with a flurry of cuss words and grunts until he perched a boot onto the bench and sat you down to finally pull the last strip of the shirt from your arms. You were pretty sure you heard the alien shirt scream out “I’ll see you in hell!” so you made sure to get out “You tell them who sent you!” through a mouthful of polyester. You fell back against the mirrored wall, panting from battle, while he caught his breath holding the offending garment in his fist.

Jimin reached up to push his hair off his forehead and squinted at the rough paper that brushed against his hand.

“The clearance rack?” He muttered, holding up the tag with a neon yellow mark-down sticker. “No fucking wonder no one’s left with this yet.” Jimin looked up at you with a smile to celebrate the victory of freeing you when he realized you were sitting in jeans and a bra, and you came to the same conclusion as you snatched your shirt up to cover your chest. His cool facade cracked as he all but bolted out, red in the face and not from physical exertion, and closed the door behind him.

You can thank Rihanna for teaching you better than to go shopping in granny undies, if you had to be half naked in front of Jimin, an opaque lacy bra was the way to go.

“Y/N?” Speaking of the devil, he called for you from the hallway.

“Yes?” You didn’t mean to sound as breathless as you did, but you’d blame it on the amatuer wrestling even under oath. Really, you should have tried out for WWE, that would have solved a lot of your issues today. You’d be training under spotlights, bouncing on your heels, throwing chairs at worthy opponents instead of guys that look at your bestie wrong. Honestly, it’s amazing you haven’t been banned from more clubs. Maybe Mattie would be willing to pour a pitcher of water over you in the corner of the ring.

Jimin’s voice interrupted your thought choo-choo with a sultry tone, and you could practically hear a smirk adorn his face “How about I stay here and help you choose what you want to take home?”

You grinned, “I’d like that.”

Jimin patiently leaned against the opposing fitting room as you tried on several more - correctly sized - tops and minidresses, and the only time he left your side was to pick out a few things he felt would look good on you. You couldn’t stop smiling every time he would compliment the way dresses sat on your curves or comment on which shirt would go well with the skirt you showed him a photo of. He even found a cute pair of shorts for you to match with some blouses once spring hits. You spoke about your favorite seasons, fashion icons, music artists, and he even shared some funny jokes from when he played a whisper challenge game with his friends. His coworker - who was also his best friend - even came over to join in on the story-telling when there was a lack of customers of the floor, and you were probably imagining the possessive glint that flashed across Jimin’s eyes when you giggled at some of Taehyung’s jokes.

Jimin would switch between being the sweetest gentleman to unabashed flirt in the span of seconds, practically giving you whiplash. You, however, were matching him head-on by serving your own winks or asking for help with zippers you definitely could have done on your own. When Jimin realized you were on your last dress, he took his time pulling the zipper down so slowly you could practically hear the clink of each tooth while his other hand held your hip still. You pushed your hair over your shoulder and looked back at him with a flirty smile across your lips, watching Jimin bite his lower lip when he grinned at you and backed away so you could finish changing.

Back to being a gentleman, he took every single item in the fitting room for you, placing the garments that were vetoed out on a rack to sort later and strutting the rest up to the register while you trailed behind him. You were a little disappointed your time with Jimin was up, and you idly wondered if you had the energy to try on half the store, but your smoothie was long finished and he technically had a job to do.

“You know, we’re having a sale next weekend if you want to find something on a good deal that won’t strangle you. I can set some things aside if you think you’ll be here.” Jimin mentioned idly as he rang up your purchase, eyes flitting up to yours briefly.

You gesture to the pile of clothes he was folding into the bag and laughed, “Depends on if I can afford the damages.” Jimin raised a perfect brow at you from under his ashy bangs while he punched a few keys on the computer.

Suddenly Taehyung called for your attention, he was holding a trash bag from the back and held it out for your empty cup, a boxy smile adorning his face when you thanked him.

Jimin flashed you another one of his cherub smiles and spun the card reader around for you. Brows furrowed, you mouthed the prices of the clothes to yourself while trying to figure out why the total seemed so low. Then it hit you, he had punched in his employee discount. Your jaw dropped and eyes widened as you looked up at him to dispute the generous offer, but he had his index finger pressed to his lips while leaning his chin into his hand. A raised eyebrow further challenged you to refuse him, and you found yourself thanking him repeatedly instead.

“I’ll come back,” you promised with a smile, “I’ll be needing some accessories anyway.”

He smirked as he scribbled something onto your printed receipt and promptly tucked it into the bag, holding it out for you.

“Have a great night!” Taehyung called behind the boxes he was carrying.

“You both as well!” You called over your shoulder, pulling out the receipt to see what message Jimin had left for you.

Call me! :) was tucked under your total with a number, and you threw him a wink before disappearing from his sight.

Hope y'all enjoyed!!! Let me know your thoughts!

Taglist: @greattriumphbear (ty for being incredible and my first tag u beautiful creature)

#bts fic #park jimin #kim taehyung #reader insert #jimin x reader #park jimin x reader #jimin x y/n #bts flirting #fanfiction #prompt fic #bts fanfic #bts fanfiction #bts fluff #jimin fanfic #jimin fanfiction

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edensapparition · 4 months

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Welcome to my second blog all about my Baldur's Gate 3 campaigns. I will scream endlessly and unapologetically about the loves of my life.

About me

My name is Dru (they/them), I'm Black, 25, and I have an unhealthy attachment to Sleep Token.

About my campaigns

Campaign #: 1

Act: 3 baybee!!!

Hours: 65

Current romance: Wyll <3 (I fucked up Shadowheart's romance)

Bias(es): Astarion, Halsin

Current Tav: Astaroth, a tiefling Warlock who's a bit of a people pleaser, but is enjoying the adventure nonetheless. He trusts his companions with all his heart and will always do right by them. He will protect them no matter what, even if it means lying to and killing strangers to keep them safe.

Ending: Could not finish

As well as:

Campaign #: 2

Act: 3 (VICONIA DEAD BAYBEE)

Hours: 78

Current Romance: Astarion, Halsin

Bias(es): Astarion, Karlach

Current Tav: Ashmedai, a tiefling Rogue who enjoys being a silly little guy. He makes some chaotic choices because it's funny but he's so tired of everyone's shit. He has a hard time differentiating between romantic love and familial love, but once he knows for certain that he loves you as family, he will fight to the death for you.

Ending: UM?!?!

**Note: this blog will not be spoiler free. I will be updating it as I experience it.

#baldur's gate 3 #bg3

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kurapikas-fucking-pissed · 1 year

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new intro post !!

i'm sheepy!! (25, he/they) i got into hxh last year TIME AGO thank u @/mackernasties for this curse <3 this is my life now

kurapika enjoyer with Opinions but its chill he just makes me insane

SURVIVED BEING SHADOWBANNED FOR URL CRIMES messaging is back baybee B)

this is my hxh side blog, my art acct is @sheep-sorbet if you want to see what else i'm up to! my hxh art is posted here under "art x tag"

if i like ur art without reblogging it right away, that's because it's in my queue! but i've been filling it less lately so most of the time when im here im actually here hdkshdkg

i caught up in the manga and now im dead. if/when more chapters come out, i may liveblog about it under "live x blog"

i block gross ppl (racists, terfs, exclusionists, proshippers, zionists, and bigots in general)

okee that's all i think!! thankies u for reading have a good one { @｀ꈊ´@ }

i'll tag this w navigation tags so it's easier to click thru on mobile!!

#pinned post #navigation tags:#art x tag #live x blog

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phantoids · 1 year

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I posted 20,147 times in 2022

That's 19,866 more posts than 2021!

1,681 posts created (8%)

18,466 posts reblogged (92%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@areus-in-a-little-cave

@cupsmp

@griancraft

@proudfreakmetarusonniku

@lamina-tsrif

I tagged 5,163 of my posts in 2022

#void echos - 1,911 posts

#live void reaction - 195 posts

#maria sonicfandub - 107 posts

#tescos queue is like the void - 99 posts

#dsmp character dynamic poll - 77 posts

#prev - 59 posts

#cher cerhoney - 53 posts

#the-g-m - 38 posts

#void talks about writing - 29 posts

#/j - 29 posts

Longest Tag: 100 characters

#𝖓𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖗 𝖙𝖗𝖚𝖘𝖙 𝖆 𝖇𝖎𝖙𝖈𝖍 𝖜𝖍𝖔 𝖘𝖆𝖞𝖘 𝖙𝖍𝖊𝖎𝖗 𝖍𝖆𝖎𝖗 𝖎𝖘 𝖉𝖎𝖗𝖙𝖞 𝖇𝖑𝖔𝖓𝖉𝖊

I sent 2 gifts in 2022

My Top Posts in 2022:

DREAMSMP CHARACTER DYNAMIC POLL ROUND 3 FUCKERS

HEY IT'S HERE I DID IT.

ROUND 3, YOU GET HOWEVER LONG I SLEEP TO DO IT. PROBABY 9 HOURS. VOTE DISCDUO. DISCDUO SWEEP. LET'S GET DISC V CLINGY.

293 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

hi. techno calling out to the tech crew during the whole theseus speech part. he goes to do his speech, and the light isn't on him so he's like 'hey light over here please i'm gonna look so cringe if it isn't right' and then the light moves to tommy and he's just like 'NO. light HERE i'm the one doing the speech i gotta look dramatic.' and it goes back and forth until it lands on techno and he just goes on like none of it happened.

415 notes - Posted December 7, 2022

DREAM SMP CHARACTER DYNAMIC POLLS ROUND 4

Fucking kill me it's 2:30am and i'm out here making this shit. I've got school in the morning.

Here's your round 4, have fun. Also if we get disc v clingy i will write smth a little special for all of us to have a ready read of yk???

Rig it. Do it. Just reblog when you do.

478 notes - Posted September 14, 2022

FOUR CTOMMY FINALE STREAMS AND CCLINGY LORE!?

855 notes - Posted October 6, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Okay fuck it I'm making this post.

So, we all know the dsmp fandom, especially on twitter, has a bit of a problem with leaktwt and often lots of controversy springing from stuff obtained by kiwifarms. I'd like to talk about this, because it's been pissing me off for months and it's getting ridiculous.

Please stop trusting information like this, or at the very least be cautious with how you interact with it, take it with a large grain of salt or maybe even a handful, don't take it at fucking face value and consider to yourself: why did they obtain this information and how did they obtain it.

Especially the how, because I've noticed the amount of illegally obtained data, from information unobtainable without some form of hacking to a lot of cases of spear phishing. Spear phishing, for those who don't know, is a targeted form of phishing against a specific person; phishing is often described as trying to obtain personal or sensitive information, and here the definition is applicable as digging through years worth of information otherwise inaccessible to the average user without purposefully searching everywhere for it, specifically information from or about a specific person.

This happens a lot, we see many cases, from the people who keep doxxing ccs, to the more recent things with certain information from Steam about Wilbur being made public despite the fact it's inaccessible without some sort of digging or manipulation, and now with (I believe, idk i've not really been looking at it for obvious reasons) the whole Tubbo thing and I believe that was leaked private messages of a friend, I could be wrong there. Either way, there's been so many cases of doxxing, leaked private messages, information inaccessible on the front end of things and it's getting to a genuinely worrying point.

And this isn't because I care about content creators, but I do care about upholding data privacy. Yes, even if they've said shit in the past, please don't go digging and digging because that does fall into spear phishing, and at the end of the day it is very dubiously legal at best. This is something we're taught about in fucking cyber security courses, for even further perspective on how bad it is. Not to mention, often this information is dug up by infamous leaktwt or kiwifarms, which are pretty known for bad faith digging up of shit.

These people dig it up for clout, they dig it up for attention, they do not care who gets fucking hurt and often bringing up old shit is going to harm more people than it fucking helps. It's even worse when you try to hold someone accountable for something someone else did, especially years in the past like it's their fault.

Just, please, stop supporting this, stop circulating this shit like morning gossip, because you're not only hurting people for no good reason, it's also often spreading illegally obtained information from people who commit cybercrimes on the regular. It breaks data protection laws, it breaks someone's fucking privacy.

Content creators are people. Respect their privacy, for fuck's sake, and stop egging on leaktwt/kiwifarms, because at the end of the day you're just telling them it's perfectly fine.

And their campaign of digging things up and harming people in bad faith doesn't end at your favourite cis white boy. They will harm minorities, and they already do, just for clout and fun. Stop it while you can before it gets out of hand, and make it clear they aren't welcome, because the fandom doesn't make it clear enough.

This isn't, of course, to say you cannot be critical of information found about ccs, but please don't allow a side effect to be encouraging or inadvertently making leaktwt/kiwifarms believe it's safe for them here, and that they are supported. Be critical when your fav is found to have said awful shit in the past, give them time to clarify, but also just... be a little critical about how accurate that info is, and who is supplying it. If you find yourself thinking 'now is this really legitimately obtained?' then maybe don't spread it, because it could be fake but a lot of the time it's already been addressed and is simply spread in bad faith.

And sure, they're exposing shitty stuff right now, but what happens when they doxx someone's address for fun?

Data privacy is important, it affects everyone, and even the worst people deserve to keep it. Sure, law enforcement and courts might be able to obtain this stuff, but you're not law enforcement nor a court and you're not entitled to personal data whenever.

1,199 notes - Posted September 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #false #okay this is hilarious #also tthe cybersecurity post is number 1 who cheered!!!#big fan of two of my top posts being the dynamic poll (can't believe cclingy won)#and then it's a post i made literally yesterday.

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brofisting · 1 year

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I posted 684 times in 2022

That's 515 more posts than 2021! (AIMEE EDIT: ha ha ha ha)

203 posts created (30%)

481 posts reblogged (70%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@brofisting (AIMEE EDIT: narcissism baybee)

@sixohsixoheightfourtwo

@sonickitty

@ditch-lily

@nattaphum

I tagged 567 of my posts in 2022

Only 17% of my posts had no tags

#watch kinnporsche - 135 posts

#kinnporsche - 43 posts

#signal boost - 18 posts

#asked and answered - 17 posts

#mileapo - 17 posts

#omegaverse fraternity - 14 posts

#spoilers - 14 posts

#monsta x - 10 posts

#gap the series - 9 posts

#bible wichapas sumettikul - 8 posts

(AIMEE EDIT: tagging consistency bad, huh,,, but this looks abt right)

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#'oh nooooo 🥺 my huge sexy ass has caused me to overbalance 😳 and now i can't get up..... 🥺🥺🥺 will someone pwease help me 🥺😜😳🍑🍑🍑'

My Top Posts in 2022:

me finally figuring out why Our Flag Means Death’s “two guys like each other (comedy bit)” is making sirens loudly go off in my brain despite it obviously intending to be Actively Homosexual: successfully queerbait me once shame on [television as a whole]……successfully queerbait me 10000 times for 20 years shame on me

387 notes - Posted March 19, 2022

we all owe mile phakphum romsaithong our lives for kinnporsche (2022)

426 notes - Posted May 25, 2022

i say this with all sincerity: it’s delightful seeing old faces on the dashboard. it is also delightful seeing people who i’m like who the Fuck are you? because i don’t recognize the username and in the intervening 4 years or whatever they got unhinged abt something new

797 notes - Posted November 17, 2022

MY FRIEND, I ABSOLUTELY CAN!!!! 🥰 Starting from the beginning...

AIMEE EDIT: [cut rest of post b/c u guys know what goes here]

6,838 notes - Posted July 8, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

this isn’t a hot take so much as a legislative suggestion but honestly i think there should be consequences if you dress boring at the met gala. it should be like an elimination bracket where only the top 30 best dressed people get to come back next year and they have to find new people to fill it out and you can only try again after 5 years of repentance

16,278 notes - Posted May 2, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

I stand by all of this.

#except maybe the met hot take post because it got reblogged WAY too much for what it is lmao......muted that b/c it got annoying lmao #posted 500+ more posts this year huh. well. you know what. that's what i intended to do. we are fully back baby #tags: kinnporsche kinnporsche kinnporsche #WHAT was the sexy ass post about... OH FUCK IT WAS ABT WONHO. icon #tumblr2022

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biboyhalo · 2 years

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I’ve been following this blog since very nearly the beginning and I just wanted to take a moment and appreciate the accuracy in all of your truthing from a time where it was practically considered unlawful to be saying those things about the ccs 💀 Like damn they’re gay though

REMEMBER WHEN I TRUTHED TUBBO. WHEN I TRUTHED RANBOO. BACK IN 2020. AND GOT CALLED ALL SORTS OF THINGS INCLUDING A PREDATOR AND A NONCE 😭😭😭 WELL I WAS FUCKING RIGHT BITCH I PREVAILED AND LOOK AT ME NOW. THE OG TRUTHER IS STILL HERE BAYBEE

#giving myself way too much credit but when i think of all those hate asks i got after saying tubbo is clearly gay 😭😭😭😭#asks #anon #oct 22

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tetranymous · 2 years

Text

Tagged by @predawnrex04

Rules: Make a new post and copy the text from this post and fill out the questions with your answers. Then tag five or more people you want to get to know better. Have fun!!!

1. Favorite colour(s):

Big fan of amber (especially the amber in the default ms paint colour palette), aqua and neon purple and medium blue are also excellent colours :)

2. Currently reading:

My uni mech textbook, I don't really read much outside of uni anymore (free time? Nonexistent.)

3. Last song you listened to:

I listen to music more than I don't nowadays, RIGHT NOW I'm listening to stick figures from animusic 1 (please watch animusic if you are a fan of robots that are just funny guys)

4. Last thing you watched:

youtube

5. In school?

Yep, studying mechatronic engineering at uni (robots and junk (literal (affectionate)))

6. Thing you’re looking forward to:

SUMMER BREAK. I need that sweet, sweet free time to fix my gottdang phone. *currently battling against the terrible screen and CPU of the $79 woolworths phone as we speak* (how this thing is worse than a phone from 2015 AND less responsive than my other phone from 2009 is a complete and utter mystery)

7. Thing you’re working on right now:

HOKAY SO. my mechatronics class has a free form practical where you get to make whatever you want right? So when my phone broke the first time (battery became a spicy pillow) I got REALLY fed up with how nothing is user serviceable anymore (my phone isn't that bad but the fact that I had to order speciality parts for it sucked) so I took it upon myself to fix it one project at a time

So I started small, (might try and tackle serviceable phone for my thesis, phones are INCREDIBLY complex) and made the Comically Large Arduino Watch. It tells the date! It tells the time! It has backlight control! It has a battery that lasts ONE (1) full day of constant operation! (Full list of features)

Here it is btw

This is an older photo of it, I've replaced the Arduino Uno with an Arduino Nano (to get more space in there, despite its size there is NOT a lot of room) and am currently adding automatic backlight control, some blinkenlights, and am fixing the whole battery situation (this required a COMPLETE code overhaul btw) tempted to add a dancing amogus in the 1 free character block I have left on the display too depending on how much I get done before it has to get marked

8. Can you cook or bake?

I can cook, unfortunately I have disease where whenever I look in the pantry all I see is condiments. Plus I hate cooking meat because I'm afraid I'll give myself food poisoning :( (not to mention the accursed Oils™ , I DON'T LIKE TOUCHING THEM)

9. Piece of media you’d recommend to anyone:

Tron legacy. It's got old computers! It's got highly experimental lasers! It's got practical effects! It's got Daft Punk! It's got genders! It's got ethical dilemmas! It's got cool cyber jets! Just everything I love it so much (I am so normal about this movie *has a Tron blog they've been running since 2016*) watch Tron (1982) first though you need the context (I ALSO LOVE THIS ONE TOO. Go look up how it was made its insane. Tldr: computer animation did not exist, but single frame rendering did. SO THEY HAD TO CALCULATE THE POSITION OF EVERYTHING WITH MATH BY HAND. And that's just the surface of the iceberg baybee!!!)

Not tagging anyone because I'm too shy (weem weem himper), but if you want to you can do it :)

#you've got mail!#how bad is the woolworths phone?#i tried to copy the text for this but it would only do 1 paragraph at a time #so i opened the post in Firefox and copied it there #except it copied EVERYTHING #every single more from this blog post's text #AND IT WOULD ONLY LET ME SELECT IT ONE PARAGRAPH AT A TIME TO DELETE IT #however it does have the pro of not being COMICALLY LONG (why do all phones nowadays do that??? they're hard to use. stop it.)

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