#Pythagorean temperament

[stevenpalassis]

#432hz #drone #fractal #oscillations #cycle #pure tone #binaural #ASMR #pythagorean temperament #Youtube

[knockout1207]

原子　元素　アルケー

ビット　鏡像　絵画

暦　月齢　ホロスコープ　アスペクト

ピタゴラス音律

ひまわり　

ゴッホ あるいは 色彩の魔術師

ヒマワリモドキ　ヘリオプシスHeliopsis

「細やかな気配り」「憧れ」「崇拝」

右向きの肖像

サンドロ・ボッティチェッリ

シモネッタ・ヴェスプッチ

ヴェスプッチ家　蜂　六角形

紋章学　ライオン

Châteauneuf-sur-Charente

demi lion counter rampant argent

もしくは

issuant counter rampant argent

Ag  age 時代

色収差　chromatic aberration

スチグマート（独:Stigmat ）

聖痕（ラテン語: stigmata）

柱頭（英: stigma）

スギナ　断面　ルオーテ(車輪)型

タロット　大アルカナ　Ⅹ.『運命の輪』

🌈🍂　

土筆  if and only if　🇩🇪  『♯ 』クロイツ　

（重嬰記号）𝄪  ミドリ

（重変記号）𝄫 カワリ

『生まれ変わり』

死没

1月29日 

聖ペトロ（後代の伝承による）

聖パウロ（後代の伝承による）

嘘つきのパラドックス　

二元論　マニ教

アスペクト

135度と135度と90度

⚡️

トールハンマー

死に枯れなければいけない土壌に咲く

『風』のような最期の花。

可憐で邪惡な

此の花は

一体何の花？

#UTR≡CHT #Youtube #考察 #music #anime and manga #aesthetic #white key #black key #Pythagorean temperament #⚡️ #horoscope #The Zodiac Sign #🐈‍⬛ #💙💚 #🫧 #🌸 #Eye #Adonis #♒️ #Sus scrofa #seven seals #seven trumpets #seven plagues #📜 #🎺 #🐝 #🐖 #⚖️ #🍊 #✡️

[mostlyfrommemory]

Out of Tune

Now that we have the tuning system worked out people only want to write four chord pop songs.

Have you ever wondered why guitars have frets and violins do not? I didn’t think so. I guess I better tell you what a fret is now. A fret is a thin strip of metal than runs perpendicular to the strings on a guitar. In theory it makes it easier to play a correct note. On a fretless instrument you have to rely in your ear and not a fret to play the correct note. I do not own a violin but I spent a…

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#Alabama #Apostolic #equal temperament #fretless #life coach #music theory #Narrative #oneness #pythagorean comma #South #Zane Wells

[groundfault]

I've returned from my short hiatus away from the XA Discord, and it's given me a chance to change my perspective on how I conduct myself and approach my music.

I went through some older projects last night, and I was reminded of how beautiful 24edo can be. As much as I wanted to avoid 12edo's diatonic scale, it can often be unbeatable. I tried retuning the relevant passages any way I new how, even resurrecting my knowledge of 39edo for the sound intermediate between 12 and 27edo. But nothing surpassed 12edo's perfect stability in those cases, borne from a pure unaltered diatonic scale with a near-just 3/2, and the thirds being a mix of meantone concordance and neogothic darkness, the latter of which produces a melodically favorable scale. At that point, I decided that I'm done experimenting with retuning for some time. The quasi-aeolian pental lattice with septimal modifications is my main framework, and I already have most of what I need in my five most tested diatonic edos. It's time to perfect my praxis.

27edo: Darkness with an unmistakable glint. Chord progressions sound remarkably natural here, and the 89-cent 16/15 is uniquely practical. Pental blackdye is conveniently a subset of superpyth[12] and 5:6:7 is very well approximated.

29edo: A neogothic diatonic that can be considered microtempered for my purposes, close enough to Pythagorean tuning to truly bring out the beauty of the pipe organ. Primes from 5 to 13 have large but bizarrely similar errors, which cancel out in ratios due to all being in the same direction. The furthest from a full septimal tuning system that I will use for diatonic-based music.

24edo: The middle of everything, and the safest bet for transcribing the melodies in my head. The 11/8 is very aesthetically fitting for its diatonic scale, and the septimal intervals becoming interseptimal is unexpectedly appropriate as well. It's a sound I didn't know I missed. 12edo diatonic is the mediant between 27 and 33, or 29 and 31, and its superset of 24 is the only edo on this list to break the 27 + 2n pattern. I could have chosen 36 as my multiple of 12, but I simply have no interest; in some ways, 24edo feels like the perfect tuning. Quarter tones cannot be done better, and I believe that this is what semiquartal is meant to sound like. Before I started xen composition in earnest three years ago, I decided that 24edo was my favorite tuning. It may be a coincidence, or perhaps I haven't given enough credit to knowledge without wisdom. 9:12:16:19 and 16:19:22 are very well approximated.

31edo: I haven't been using this one nearly as much as I used to. It's capable of some remarkable sweetness with the right instrumentation due to the excellence of septimal meantone; like 29edo, it currently has a precise use case for me. It does septimal diasem in a very practical and straightforward way, and its 8/7 is a useful theoretical generator.

33edo: An old interest turned anew. Similarly to 32edo, its unusual tempering of the pental lattice requires use of the second best prime 3 for full expression, but this time replacing the focus on the grave fifth with the grave fourth, which is a good generator for 33edo's theoretical framework as 33 is the first edo to really approach 53edo's buzzard temperament. Capable of profound darkness with the 13/11 and flat 3/2, much like pentagoth temperament, as well as the 14/9. Unfortunately lacking such strong consonance as the other tunings on this list. 5:3:1 diasem and 5:2:1 diamech are the best scales to begin understanding this tuning, but varying adjustments should be made and mastery requires a level of intuition that I don't yet possess.

I should now be able to think of a melody, decide which tuning is most appropriate, and leave it be as I move on to writing the rest of the song. The better and more fully that a passage is written, the harder it is to retune, and the less I have to gain from doing so. I have bigger plans for my music now and I need to be more efficient.

Ramadan starts tonight. It only makes sense to stop indulging my monomaniacal obsession with finding the perfect way to tune my lattice. My tuning experimentation should be limited to xenofifth edos, far enough abstracted from this to be considered a different category, and still lacking in appropriate musical representation.

#xenharmonic

[didanawisgi]

#music #Robert Edward Grant

[srijellyfishtempura]

what do you think of the idea that equal temperament killed harmony

I would agree, but to a limited extent. Obviously equal temperament is kinda shit and inelegant as a tuning system, but I think that to say it killed harmony is an exaggeration. Yes, harmonies sound better in meantone or just or Pythagorean, but you can still have harmonies that work very nicely in equal temperament (especially if it's a loose EQ, like what you get in an a capella choral piece)

#equal temperament #though i am a fan of 19-tone EQ

[belkilop]

Relax melodies premium move to sd card android

RELAX MELODIES PREMIUM MOVE TO SD CARD ANDROID GENERATOR

Other: Total 353 songs Data Playback Playback Standard MIDI Files (Format 0, 1)Īudio File (WAV, 44.1 kHz, 16-bit linear format, require USB Flash Memory) Recorder Recording Standard MIDI Files (Format 0, 3 parts, Approx. Single Note Character Internal Songs Internal Songs US: Total 363 songs Headphones Headphones capable of Headphones 3D Ambience Tuning, Voicing Touch Sensitivity Key Touch: 100 types, fixed touch Master Tuning 415.3–466.2 Hz (adjustable in increments of 0.1 Hz) Temperament 10 types (Equal, Just Major, Just Minor, Pythagorean, Kirnberger I, Kirnberger II, Kirnberger III, Meantone, Werckmeister, Arabic), selectable temperament key Effects Ambience, Brilliance Piano Designer Lid *This value was measured according to the method that is based on Roland's technical standard. Near-field Speakers: 5 cm (2 inches) x 2 Rated Power Output 20 W Spatial Speakers: 16 cm (6-5/16 inches) x 2 Other: 384 Tones 319 Tones Keyboard Keyboard PHA-50 Keyboard: Wood and Plastic Hybrid Structure, with Escapement and Ebony/Ivory Feel (88 keys) Pedals Pedals Progressive Damper Action Pedal (Damper pedal: capable of continuous detection, Soft pedal: capable of continuous detection/function assignable, Sostenuto pedal: function assignable) Speaker System Speaker System Acoustic Projection Speakers Cabinet Speakers: 25 cm (9-7/8 inches) (with Speaker Box)Ĭabinet Speakers: 16 cm (6-5/16 inches) x 2 (with Speaker Box) Polyphony Piano: Limitless (solo playing using ‘Piano’ category tones)

RELAX MELODIES PREMIUM MOVE TO SD CARD ANDROID GENERATOR

Sound Generator Piano Sound Piano Sound: SuperNATURAL Piano Modeling Max. No extra microphones or pickups are needed to route the piano sound through the PA system, thanks to the GP609’s line outputs. But since the GP609 weighs around half as much, just bring it on stage, connect the power, and open the lid. Some venues have temporary staging that can only support a certain weight – which could mean that an acoustic grand piano is too heavy. The light-weight and compact GP609 solves these problems it’s much easier to transport, and doesn’t need tuning or maintenance after every move. Transporting a grand piano is a major headache for event planners, and acoustic grand pianos require tuning by a piano tuner each time the piano is transported. The GP609 has enough presence and power for concerts or live events. A variety of onboard sounds means it’s possible to play a broad repertoire of popular songs too. If you don’t have a piano player in-house, the GP609 can wirelessly stream music from a smartphone through to its powerful onboard speakers, with adjustable volume depending on whether you just need background music or an actual musical performance. Since it weighs around half as much as an acoustic grand piano, it’s easy to find the perfect spot in the venue, and just as easy to move if you’re changing the set-up of your venue for different bookings or occasions. And if space is a problem, the compact GP609 brings grand piano presence into your venue without taking up too much room. The GP609 can also go places that may be unsuitable for acoustic pianos, such as an open-air restaurant, or a cruise ship lounge. The GP609 doesn’t require regular maintenance or tuning, saving your business time and money. The ongoing maintenance costs of a grand piano can be an unwelcome surprise for hotels or restaurants.

#Relax melodies premium move to sd card android

[trustfed]

Music math level 2

Both of these systems, and the vast majority of music in general, have scales that repeat on the interval of every octave, which is defined as frequency ratio of 2:1. One major difference between equal temperament tunings and just tunings is differences in acoustical beat when two notes are sounded together, which affects the subjective experience of consonance and dissonance. Just scales are built by multiplying frequencies by rational numbers, which results in simple ratios between frequencies, but with scale divisions that are uneven. Equal temperament scales are built by dividing an octave into intervals which are equal on a logarithmic scale, which results in perfectly evenly divided scales, but with ratios of frequencies which are irrational numbers. There are two main families of tuning systems: equal temperament and just tuning. Main articles: Musical tuning and Musical temperament Each successive octave spans twice the frequency range of the previous octave. The third octave spans from 440 Hz to 880 Hz (span=440 Hz) and so on. The next octave will span from 220 Hz to 440 Hz (span=220 Hz). When expressed as a frequency bandwidth an octave A 2–A 3 spans from 110 Hz to 220 Hz (span=110 Hz). all will be called doh or A or Sa, as the case may be). Therefore, any note and its octaves will generally be found similarly named in musical systems (e.g. There is no case in musical harmony where, if a given pitch be considered accordant, that its octaves are considered otherwise. Pitches at frequencies of half, a quarter, an eighth and so on of the fundamental are called suboctaves. Succeeding superoctaves are pitches found at frequencies four, eight, sixteen times, and so on, of the fundamental frequency. The octave of any pitch refers to a frequency exactly twice that of the given pitch. A scale has an interval of repetition, normally the octave. Each pitch corresponds to a particular frequency, expressed in hertz (Hz), sometimes referred to as cycles per second (c.p.s.). The most important scale in the Western tradition is the diatonic scale but many others have been used and proposed in various historical eras and parts of the world. ( Ernst Chladni, Acoustics, 1802)Ī musical scale is a discrete set of pitches used in making or describing music. Musical form Ĭhladni figures produced by sound vibrations in fine powder on a square plate. The elements of musical form often build strict proportions or hypermetric structures (powers of the numbers 2 and 3). Modern musical use of terms like meter and measure also reflects the historical importance of music, along with astronomy, in the development of counting, arithmetic and the exact measurement of time and periodicity that is fundamental to physics. Without the boundaries of rhythmic structure – a fundamental equal and regular arrangement of pulse repetition, accent, phrase and duration – music would not be possible. Confucius, like Pythagoras, regarded the small numbers 1,2,3,4 as the source of all perfection. Early Indian and Chinese theorists show similar approaches: all sought to show that the mathematical laws of harmonics and rhythms were fundamental not only to our understanding of the world but to human well-being. įrom the time of Plato, harmony was considered a fundamental branch of physics, now known as musical acoustics. Their central doctrine was that "all nature consists of harmony arising out of numbers". Though ancient Chinese, Indians, Egyptians and Mesopotamians are known to have studied the mathematical principles of sound, the Pythagoreans (in particular Philolaus and Archytas) of ancient Greece were the first researchers known to have investigated the expression of musical scales in terms of numerical ratios, particularly the ratios of small integers. 7 Musicians who were or are also mathematicians.

#Music math level 2

[trusthub]

Music note c in hertx

What is the frequency of Middle A in piano music? The ISO-16 standard was established in 1984 as a reference for tuning all musical instruments based on the chromatic scale, which is most commonly used for music in the Western world. The middle “A” of the piano’s note should be tuned to exactly. Middle C has a frequency range of 256 to 280 GHz. A middle C, also known as a C4, is the 40th key of the alphabet. The 49th key, A440, is located at 440 Hz, making it a frequency of 440 Hz. The piano has 88 keys and is tuned to a twelve-tone temperament, which is the equivalent of a modern piano. Middle C has a frequency of approximately 261.63 Hz when tuned to the A440 pitch standard and is a good match for the temperament of an instrument of equal temperament. As a pianist, the first note you learn to play is this one. What is the wavelength of middle C on a piano as it travels through air? Middle C is a basic foundation note. The wavelength of middle C is about 261.63 Hz. We can reduce the low noise (like streetcar rumbles) by filtering out everything below that frequency, but we can still produce such wonderful guitar sounds. What’s the lowest sound you can hear from a guitar? The lowest string is tuned to E2, which has a frequency of 82.4 Hz (see the table below for more information on tuning). Generally speaking, the frequencies of c range from approximately 262 Hz to 523 Hz. There is no definitive answer to this question as the frequencies of c depend on a variety of factors, including the pitch of the note being played, the instrument being used, and the singer’s or player’s vocal range. By dividing the number of clicks she received in one hour by the length of time it took her to receive those clicks, Anna can calculate frequency. When two events occur at the same time, the frequency of the event is equal to the number of events in a unit of time. Sound moves through air at a specific speed, and its speed is determined by the speed of sound. Furthermore, all intervals, aside from octaves, are not tuned properly, which makes the music difficult to understand. It may provide a useful advantage because every interval of a semitone is identical to the twelfth root of 2. It is widely assumed that Pythagoras tuning first appeared in China and Europe in the 1500s. In A4, the reference frequency of 440hz represents a frequency of 6/5 x 220 = 270Hz. Middle C, or la4, is a minor 3rd above A3, with a frequency equal to half the reference frequency. All notes are found in Pythagorean tuning when intervals of 5th above a fundamental note are used to calculate a series’ notes. Equal-tempered tunings are also available, as are Pythagorean tunings and many others. The reference frequency, in addition to the tuning system, determines the frequencies of all notes. There are two types of ambiguity in musical note frequency. When an atom in Cs133 transitions from two hyperfine energy levels, it emits a second wave of radiation for 9,192,631,770 minutes. The inversely related units of inverse seconds are used to measure frequencies, and SI measurements are universally accepted. As a result, the frequency of middle C is 256 hertz, while the frequency of A is 440 hertz.Įvery musical note in the world has a specific frequency. The pitch of the instrument increases at a faster rate. Pitch is perceived as a frequency when a sound is played. How Do You Find The Frequency Of Middle C? Credit: Brainly The strings are sounded through hammer mechanisms that are activated by keys. A WAVAGELENGTH of lowest audible frequency is 16.4 Hz69 feet on a piano26 feet on a violin3 inches on a WAVAGELENGTH of highest audible frequency is 16.4 Hz69 feet on a piano26 feet on a violin3 inches on a WAVAGELENGTH of highest A string 440 Hz2 feet 6 inches C four octaves above middle C4,186 Hz3.25 inches highest tone2012 autre en sapĪ piano can play 28 keys ranging from 27.5 Hz (A0) to 4186 Hz (C8), for a range of frequencies. This means that when you play a note on Middle C, the string inside the piano vibrates 262 times per second.Īnother way to put it is that sound travels in one cycle or interval before stopping. Most people know that Middle C on a piano is in the middle of the keyboard, but not everyone knows what frequency Middle C is.

#Music note c in hertx

[jonathankatwhatever]

I just freaked myself out. I was about to type how angry I am about the state of the world, and how I want to express great anger and disappointment in modernized Biblical terms, but when I sat down I remembered I wanted to look at the 10th Catalan number, which is 16,796, and compare that to the total permutations. That is, 10!/Cn10. It’s 6 cubed. It’s literally 216.051 etc. In other words, SBE2 cubed, which is literally the D3 identity space. So, the quotient of the total of permutations divided by the number of arrangements of pairs that don’t cross unveils this identity space. What does that mean? (I’m asking.)

Well, the Catalan numbers count the number of permutation groups which form pairs without crossing over other pairs. Simplest example is that a square has the xK and yK in pairs (but not at the same time), so the Cn for 4 is 2. And then the Cn for 6 is 5. And Cn10 is above. So, the Catalan numbers count the distinct groups or set of pairs that can be made. If you put in sK or zK, then you can’t make 2 pair, and to make 2 pair, meaning the same count that you reach with xK and yK, without creating the bip.

That means these pairs exist within this larger ‘universe’ of crossed pairings. We then examined how shifting the x,yK around generates an image of s,zK, using only the 1Space moves allowed in grid squares, meaning x,yK, just as we drew out many years ago. This is a massively powerful proof of that concept.

But what does it mean in our terms? A count of 10 is always a count of 10, meaning that inherent in base10 and the SBE3 dimensional count also has a factorial count, and that factorial count quotients or divides the total permutations in that count of 10 by the count of those permutations which pair without crossing. In other words, SBE2 cubed times the Catalan count is the total number of permutations.

Let’s check the difference: if I multiply rounded, that 3,627,936 versus 3,628,800, which leaves 864. That number divided by 2 is the Pythagorean A: 432mhz in Pythagorean temperament is the perfect 5th of D. I’m not sure what to make of that. It’s obviously not random. This tuning is for strings, but why an A over a C? A is relative minor to C, which means it’s the other white meat, I mean notes.

It took a lot of AMT this morning to reach that. Not sure what that 2*432 means. I think the idea is a double cover, which is like SBE2, of the tuning, meaning that if this little 864 is hit, then the rest will be in tune, which is an astonishing concept that makes complete sense because what is then in tune is the identity space’s variations. No wonder you’re music. This was buried way, way deep.

To connect this to grid squares - oh God I’m overwhelmed by this abject horror that I’m not going to make it. I have $75 left and there’s a check out for more than that, plus automatic withdrawals I can’t stop, and Debbie is out of her medication and I’ve sold everything I can and there’s nothing left at all and I owe money to everyone and there really is no option but to say I’m done.

But before I go, I’ll keep hoping that Romeo doesn’t kill me.

To connect this to grid squares means what? Means what? I don’t know. It should be obvious. It was obvious earlier but you didn’t believe it because you were alternating between ecstasy and despair. Where were you? You got lost when you finally understood tunings in the right context.

So, the grid square axis count, meaning xK and yK, times the cubic SBE2 identity is all permutations within the count of 10 factorial, which is all dimensions within the count of 10. That’s the ultimate proof of concept. I typed that but is it true? Say I’m playing with the cat. That’s a pair. And there are a number of interactions which can occur because of that pair. These interactions are all pairings within the larger count of permutations. And that means the entirety takes on an identity, like this is our relationship, and then there are individual iterations of identity like this is how rough or gentle we are this time and this portion of time.

The portioning of time leads me to stuff I never thought I could ever type out. It’s that deeply personal. So, where this Ends is with additional notation: sQ, which labels the iteration of sK when the standard or default arrangement occurs, meaning when zK is identified as distinct from sK, and that means we don’t flip the two but instead stabilize. The sQ notation is on top (in my default perspective): the zK counts steps, like whole numbers or SBE or primes, while sQ counts the power, the reach, the extent, the contextual ranking, and the various dimensions of ordinality. Like on the chessboard where the K moves a square at a time while the Q flies all over.

The way I got to this was sexual. In my sexual imagination, I either imagine I have a huge penis or that I am receiving one. I figured out a long time ago that this was a metaphor, one that distances me from me as a person, as a metaphor which roots this alternative me in an exaggerated physical form so the non-physical form attached to that would develop. Which happened. And the rest is similarly vivid metaphor. I have had this recurring bit in which I try to come up with words to wear, like on a t-shirt, which fits these sexual scenarios, without success. That is, in the latest terms, the pairs don’t all fit: there’s a crossing and the thread dies because that crossing invokes a branch point which generates ambiguity of meaning, and this is like the building dissonance in Pythagorean tuning, as you follow the division of the string further out. Like on a violin, the distance from the A string to the G is 2 fifths, which means you tune A to D tight, toward the top edge of the pocket, so the next string change doesn’t sound flat, especially when it’s open.

So, there wasn’t anything wrong with the slogans I tried, but they didn’t fit because dissonance emerged at the end of the thread, just like with Pythagorean tuning. That makes complete sense because that tuning is division.

What would fit? Well, that would be sQ, because the idea that unifies the tunings is size Queen. As that occurred to me, I realized it fit everything because the entire conception is that we are small physical existences attached to dramatically larger non-physical existences. This goes all the way back to Eve, and the identification of Adam by his attributes, which we think were physical but which are clearly in t the story the non-physical attributes which she identified within him (by identifying those with and in contrast to herself). That self-proves: she became aware first, so she identified within Adam the awareness which she experienced. And that connects to the essential idea that ancients saw things within things, that they grasped concepts of higher meaning, and that they saw these as truths which extended past them. They built the pyramids to express that. Stonehenge. All those solar aligned constructions.

So, yeah, I’m a size Queen because I want to be penetrated and infused by the biggest non-physical attachment which I can possibly stretch to fit, which opens me up completely, so completely our identities alternate and merge. A communion.

And when I saw that as true, a lot of imagery suddenly made sense. Even to the level where this occurs: you bigger, me smaller // (bigger, smaller, the same). That is, attached structure is entirely equal and entirely smaller each way and entirely larger each way, which is a 1-0Segment consequence with a midpoint. The // comes from I//I, so it means in this context that this physical relationship can be arranged in any of those attachments, one hopes as needed. And that enables a bijection of sQ over zK. Is that true? I typed ‘complete bijection’ then changed that to ‘a bijection’, so yes. That is, given the necessary physical identification, which can’t be eliminated no matter what (even with identical twins), plus when that physical identification overcomes accumulated inequality, meaning presumptions about size, then this forms a bijection which connects the Ends. Those Ends connect the non-physical over the ‘physical’, and thus the physical over the ‘non-physical’, where ‘physical’ in quotes means the meaning of the whole (and not merely of one or the other or both individually), and thus ‘non-physical’ means the same thing except it includes a composition of the individual attachments which together make the shared space we have defined.

BTW, understanding of Jacobi and Weierstrass functions advanced a lot too. The gist was realizing that this models 2 and that modeling 2 in gs invokes an ellipse and then they translate trig from circles to an ellipse. That makes the concept of an ellipse more generally comprehensible, I think, because it explains what happens when you vary either xK or yK relative to the other. And then understanding that of course this maps IC, and to the very specific level of mapping in a Jacobi the infinite pole and the 0 pole. I can see how this spreads. The other, the P-function with a fancy P, seems even tighter as a fit: a pole of 2 at each End, at each lattice point.

I had previously realized for example the MM Storyline is about not being attracted to the most attractive person, which is a perfect stand-in for you, but finding extreme attraction through the non-physical leading to union and communion of both. It was the word ‘communion’ which I was searching for because it encapsulates the entire Mission Storyline, exactly as I remember it, that ‘you get the God you deserve, the God that reflects your faults and your failings, which mirrors you’, but with a vast amount of nuance attached which we had not then worked out.

For some reason, I keep forgetting why this grabbed me so hard: size Queen is a measurement, like a bed is a queen size, which has a host of meanings attached, especially in a communion sense of sacred, and a size Queen is one who measures the fit, which is a tailor but in sort of a generalized reverse because this tailor measures up to the enclosure instead of cutting the enclosure down. I’m aware that tailors make clothes larger as well. So this version of tailor encompasses both.

Also note an alternative would be size King for sK, which works but doesn’t look different in notation from the sK that flips with zK.

So we found a combinatorial identity relationship which relates the 10th Catalan number to its larger set of permutations. That identity translates or maps or otherwise injects/bijects, etc. relationships of pairs across the permutations.

How does this connect to value? Like that which is injected at the bip? Well, now we have a visible mechanism for pairs, while the bip is a grid square (or actually the composite of the midpoint and integer grid square layers). The integer square layers literally make the 0 and 1 which maps to the Jacobi and the 1-0 maps to the P-function. So what that says is the value injects at each lattice point End in the integer gs layer, and that value pairs. This requires thinking of value as more than a number, as being what the gs process represents in that value, which can be a number, if you can represent it sufficiently (and primes is one such way). This means we finally got out the idea that everything pairs and tests in pairing, which is literally SBE and thus SBE2!

So, it looks like we have a structure which injects value at the bip which composites the midpoint gs layer with the integer gs layer so the bip is a lattice point or End. That means the injection is 0-1-0 over 1-0-1 (think of that in terms of the elliptic functions!), which draws the edges of 0Space within 1Space, which organizes at the pair level as described using Catalan numbers and this combinatoric identity over a cubic SBE2.

What about CM100? We now have the ability to look at pairings, which makes CM100 and fCM in general work because those are 2 based and 4 based.

So, any interaction anywhere is pairings. Some can be multiple: like a bomb may blow up more than one thing, but that’s only because it was built with that capacity. And even then, it’s still a pairing of each object to the blast and thus to all that went in. This also applies to natural events. Think an avalanche.

[dustedmagazine]

Various Artists — The Harmonic Series II (Important Records)

Music and mathematics have always been intertwined. The Pythagoreans of ancient Greece lived by the ethos “all nature consists of harmony arising out of numbers.” It was they who, perhaps via the monochord, truly uncovered the mathematical relationships within the musical scale and how harmonics are produced. The concept of the harmonic series exists in both mathematics and music, but the former originates from the latter, as both derive their name from overtones (aka, harmonics). In music, the harmonic series is the combination of tones each having a frequency that is the integer multiple of the tone with the lowest frequency, the fundamental. If one considers an octave of music, these natural harmonics are slightly out of tune with the notes of the chromatic scale, which has twelve semitones adjusted to be equally spaced apart (equal temperament). Just intonation is a musical philosophy that eschews equal temperament, focusing on tuning systems that favor intervals using the integer multiples, which are considered pure and enabling of unlimited harmonic possibilities.

Math wizards, keep your slide rulers in your shirt pockets; all this talk about integers and intervals may feel cold and clinical, but this calculus is visceral. Just intonation is concerned with how humans interpret our sonic surroundings with our entire beings. We vibrate too. Ironically, just intonation as a tuning system isn’t common in the modern Western musical canon. It is, however, widely used in non-Western musical systems. Important Records, in order to educate the masses and expose the more natural sonic emanations available through just intonation, has commissioned a series of compilations featuring works created outside of the world of equal temperament. The first volume appeared in 2009 and included a pan-generational pantheon of sonic provocateurs. Tenured artists and composers like Pauline Oliveros (RIP), Ellen Fullman and Michael Harrison appeared alongside younger musicians such as Greg Davis and Duane Pitre, who curated the compilation and wrote the extensive liner notes. 

This second volume expands on the first in a couple of ways. While the original volume encompassed a single compact disc, this set spans three vinyl long-playing records. Furthermore, each of the artists has an entire side of wax to play with, resulting in longer pieces than those presented in the first volume. Pitre has assembled a cabal of forward-thinking sound artists to present their means of engagement with microtonality. He makes his appearance on the first disc, opposite Kali Malone whose “Pipe Inversions” is a cerebellum-warping slow dance for pipe organ and bass clarinet (courtesy of Isak Hedtjärn). The breathy tones that emanate from both instruments mix like wispy, stratospheric clouds that gather to create a rich harmonic fog. Pitre’s “Three for Rhodes” on the other hand is a dynamic exercise in tonal interplay, with short chord bursts that scatter like color powders in a Holi parade or a Color Run. 

Catherine Lamb and Tashi Wada wrestle on the second disc. Lamb, who is an accomplished violist, instead chose the synthesizer to realize “Intersum.” She threads her tones through a cloth she has woven from environmental sounds, evoking a cityscape that has been evacuated. The lonely metropolis begins to populate itself with gorgeous wafts of sound, and eventually bursts with a multi-hued sense of being. Wada merges eight violins, each played by Marc Sabat, into a pulsating and powerful beast. “Midheaven (Alignment Mix)” becomes a frothy fury at its midpoint before slowly peeling off layers and becoming a single violin drone. 

On the final slab of vinyl, Byron Westbrook and Caterina Barbieri both employ synthesizers to create microtonal tapestries. With “Memory Phasings,” Westbrook builds tension before snapping an imaginary spring, causing a collapse of shattered chord fragments. Following the narrative of a suspenseful cinematic epic, he builds and releases tension multiple times across the piece, setting traps for us to repeatedly jump out of our skins. Barbieri, on the other hand, uses the synth to build an immense drone construction, pitting deep bass tones against colorful high register patterns that slowly bounce up and down. This interplay between the high and low frequencies mirrors our own world: harmony arises from the vibrating of many objects, large, medium and small. This is what Important Records wanted to reveal with The Harmonic Series, and with this second volume they’ve collected six distinct personalities who together represent the limitless possibilities of vibration. 

Bryon Hayes

#the harmonic series #important records #bryon hayes #albumreview #dusted magazine #duane pitre #catherine lamb #tashi wada #byron westbrook #Caterina Barbieri #experimental #classical #drone #electro-acoustic #kali malone #just intonation

[yaninus-de-venoix]

Hi! Big stan but I must admit I'm not much into renfairing (mostly bc university) BUT! I started building a lute for a DnD session and, since your bio says we can ask, I was wondering what your thoughts are on tuning systems for lutes etc (I built it with five strings bc the board was too narrow :/ )

I’m so glad you asked!!! This is a special interest of mine, so I started infodumping and now this post is huge so I’ll put the details under a cut ^-^

Short answer: if you’re willing to dive deep, you should take a look at the instructions John Dowland wrote in the 1600s. If you just want my recommendation, this site seems like a good resource to know what notes to tune the strings to, and if you’re asking about temperament, I’d recommend somewhere around A=415 meantone. 

So the tuning system that is used in western arts music today is a relatively new invention. From a physics standpoint, there is such a thing as an objectively “perfect” interval - like, a perfect octave refers to a specific relationship of frequencies, and if the interval isn’t quite perfect, the waves interfere with each other and cause “beats” (which you can actually hear if you pay attention!). BUT an octave doesn’t perfectly divide into the twelve-note scale we use in western music. Like, if you start at A and tune your piano such that B is a perfect second, C is a perfect third, D is a perfect fourth, etc. - by the time you get to G, the interval between G and the next A will be so big it’ll sound wonky. 

The solution people came up with around the 18th century is to just make every note equally out of tune, so that everything’s just slightly off but nothing sounds too awful. It started to become a necessity because what with keyboard instruments (where you could play practically every note in the scale at once if you want to), larger orchestras (where everyone needs to be tuned the same), and more experimental music (i.e. composers started getting bored of the same intervals and started using more dissonance), people really needed a standardized tuning system. It’s called equal temperament, and that’s what we use today.

But before all that - well, there *was* no standard. Generally, musicians would pick the intervals they used the most, tune those perfectly, and then sorta fill out the rest from there. Usually they would prioritize thirds, fifths, and octaves. It meant that there would inevitably be a couple intervals that sounded terrible (called “wolf” chords), and the rest would sound awesome. Seriously, you should read some of the 17th century musicians complaining about how bad equal temperament sounds (our major thirds are particularly awful).

Now, my specialty is keyboard instruments, where all this is super relevant (I usually tune my clavichord to quarter comma meantone). My dad plays lute, and he says it turns out John Dowland (probably the most famous Renaissance lute composer) wrote a set of instructions on tuning the lute in his son’s book Varietie of LVTE Lessons. You can find a scanned copy of the original manuscript for free here - I think you'll end up with a modified Pythagorean tuning system by following those instructions, but I’m not 100% sure.

On the other hand, if you don't want to get into that much detail, you can probably just find a tuning app that supports different tuning systems and tune it to like, A=415 meantone and you should be good :D

If you're interested in tuning systems and the shift to equal temperament, "How Equal Temperament Ruined Harmony" by Ross Duffin is very good, and "Tuning The Historical Temperaments By Ear" by Owen Jorgensen is a fantastic guide to historical temperaments.

#you've hit my nerd button congrats!!! #bardic #long post #equal temperament #the temperament thing #questions for the bard

[rollypolymath]

The Meaning of Transmigration

The Pythagoreans had a concept which they called "transmigration" something which is commonly mistaken for the concept of reincarnation. Transmigration has nothing to do with the after life or anything to do with the metaphysical. Transmigration refers to the transference of one spirit into the body and mind of another. Think of this more akin to cognitive cloning. While behavior and comportment could be transferred, these were often deemed more of ornamental value than functionally useful. The Pythagoreans understood the value of knowledge and its cultivation, but they also recognized the difficulty which arose in verifying the transference of knowledge and its cultivation as, together, these two become a state of mind and together they are spirit.

The Pythagoreans sought to understand the human temperament to such a degree as to extrapolate from particular behaviors and responses the most effective means to communicating particular concepts, ideas and notions to any conscious individual whatsoever; to cultivate a mind of clarity and a mind of order through a profound connection with oneself and all others. It is only once you come to understand your mind and your body that you find all others of great and sincere interest.

#pythagoras #pythagoreanism #thinking #thought #ontology #philosophy #esoteric #epistemology #knowledge #wisdom #esotericism #occult #abstraction #writing #whatislife #philosophizing #transmigration #cognition #learning #spirit #spiritual quotes #quotes #thoughts

[groundfault]

potential equal-tempered replacements for 12edo

If microtonality were to start becoming more mainstream in Western music, which one system would be the best replacement for 12edo?

All edos without a diatonic fifth will be left out of this assessment. 15edo is excellent for its size, but its fifth is too unstable for some genres and lacks much potential for modulation.

12edo (for comparison): Excellent general-purpose diatonic with accurate 2.3.17.19, being a hybrid of meantone and pythagorean/neogothic. Has the best diminished scale in terms of 2.3.5 accuracy and a good augmented scale as well.

17edo: Good neutral intervals as a compromise between undecimal and tridecimal, with the sharper neutral third being a nice generator. Melodically excellent diatonic, but diatonic chords are too unstable to be as versatile as those of 12edo.

19edo: Good interseptimals, and the most believable 2.3.7 semiquartal scale for its size. Meantone sounds good, but the softness isn't for everyone, although versatile semiquartal structures make up for that.

22edo: The first real 2.3.5.7.11 edo, but requires superpyth[12] for pental intervals, introducing complexity that may not be worth it to a lot of people. No neutral thirds or interseptimals, but porcupine temperament is useful.

24edo: Everything 12 has, plus neutrals, interseptimals, and a very accurate 11. The neutral third is probably a less desirable generator than the one in 17edo, but the interseptimals are a perfect compromise between 15/13-13/10 and 17/11-19/11. About as accurate of a 2.3.5/13.11.17.19 semiquartal scale as possible.

26edo: 26 notes is enough to start becoming impractical on some types of instruments. Has an even softer diatonic scale than 19edo, which hardly counts as meantone anymore as the major third approaches neutral. Its non-meantone thirds are a compromise between septimal and neogothic, and the 7 and 11 are very good, but the tuning lacks good 2.3.5 potential.

27edo: The sharp 3, 5, and 7 work together surprisingly well, resulting in a good alternative to 22edo superpyth and an excellent augmented scale. The 13 is about as accurate as one can expect from a mid-sized edo with a reasonable diatonic fifth, resulting in a unique take on neutral third scales, but the 3 and 5 may not be accurate enough for some purposes.

29edo: 3 is the only accurate low prime, instead optimizing the differences between primes. Because of this, 29edo has the first true gentle temperament, which is the second neogothic diatonic scale after 17edo. The gentle temperament sounds more stable than 12edo due to its small comma and has similar melodic properties to 17edo, but there are no neutral thirds in favor of supraminor and submajor, and the semiquartal scale is quite hard.

31edo: Septimal meantone is extremely easy to use and harmonically accurate, and neutrals are available as well. Diasem is a versatile 2.3.7 scale with its widened semitones in 31edo, but it has higher complexity much like superpyth. The main issues of this tuning are having a suboptimal 11 in favor of 11/9, and 31 notes being too many to be practical on a good portion of instruments.

19edo seems like the first truly viable option for general use, but its lack of neutrals excludes the maqam tradition, which is probably the largest use of microtonal tunings today. Because of this, 24edo is probably the best choice. It's no coincidence that I use 24edo for noodling on my Axis-49, with one key up/right being a whole tone and two keys down being a semitone.

#xenharmonic

[blog20041994punam]

Numerology - Discover Your Purpose

Numerology has been used for thousands of years to determine specific things about an individual. The Pythagoras were the first to discover that numbers have a vibration to them, and each number has a specific vibrational field around them. They believed that we create our life by giving our parents our name that we want to be born with and specific date of birth that we choose to come forth in. So they have discovered meanings of the numbers and their influence on our lives. Numerology is also to believed to be used by our spirit guides to help us along in life by pointing out specific number patterns to us while we go through our daily lives. Remember Mathematics has been considered the Universal language for some time now. That can't just be a coincidence.

Furthermore, according to Underwood Dudley, author of "Numerology: Or What Pythagoras Wrought", the Pythagoreans became interested in number mysticism after discovering a particularly fascinating fact about numbers. If you add up a series of odd numbers beginning with the number one, the result is always a square number.

Discoveries like this led the Pythagoreans to the conclusion that "all is number." According to one interpretation, this means that people can measure everything in the world and describe it in terms of numbers and proportions. This is a reasonable idea, and it has had a big influence on science and mathematics. But according to another interpretation, "all is number" means that everything in the world is made of numbers and can be reduced to a numerical value.

Along with describing numbers in terms of math and geometry, the Pythagoreans also described them in terms of non-numerical traits. These traits had more to do with intuition and mysticism than science or mathematics. For example, odd numbers were masculine, and even numbers were feminine. The number one was creative, since the addition of multiple ones can create any other number. Two represented duality and was female, while three was male. As the sum of two and three, five represented marriage, and since it fell exactly in the middle of the numbers one through nine, it also represented justice.

Ten was a sacred number, largely because it is the sum of the first four digits. The holiness of the number 10 led to a list of 10 fundamental opposites:

Limited and unlimited

Odd and even

One and many

Right and left

Masculine and feminine

Rest and motion

Straight and crooked

Light and darkness

Good and evil

Square and oblong [Source: Dudley]

Systems also designate numbers with repeating digits as master numbers, which include all the attributes of two other numbers:

11: 1 and 2

22: 2 and 4

33: 3 and 6

44: 4 and 8

Numerology has been used to tell the future, guide human behavior, predict the outcome of relationships and otherwise divine the unknowable by figuring out a person's numbers. For example, if the number 5 has a particular vibration, a person whose number is 5 has the same vibration. That person can choose what to eat, where to go and how to live based on which choices have a vibration that is compatible with 5.

Numerologists will interpret the results and the meanings of each number to make recommendations or theorize about a person's future. Recommendations often include:

Lucky days or lucky numbers

Optimal career paths for a person's numerological temperament

Negative tendencies to avoid

Positive attributes to emphasize

What to look for in a romantic partner

Business Decisions

How is Spirit Guiding you

How to find your numerology number? Read on.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

A B C D E F G H I

J K L M N O P Q R

S T U V W X Y Z

This chart is how to find the numbers from your name. It's universal and has been used for thousands of years in every language. Our name makes up our Expression/Destiny number and our Soul Urge/ Heart Desires Number. Use this chart to find yours. I set up an example of Angelina Jolie to help you out.

For example: Angelina Jolie Voight.

Calculating a Expression/Destiny Number:

Angelina=36, 3+6=9. So Angelina=9.

Jolie=24, 2+4=6. so Jolie=6.

Voight=36, 3+6=9. So Voight=9

36+24+36=96. 9+6=15. 1+5=6

9+9+6=24. 2+4=6

Angelina Jolie is a 6.

Calculating a Life Path Number:

Her birthday is June 4th, 1975

6+4=10.. 1+9+7+5=22.. 10+22=32. 3+2=5

Calculating a Soul Urge Number:

A,E,I,A. O,I,E. O,I.

Angelina = 16. 1+6=5. Jolie = 20. 2+0=2. Voight = 15. 1+5=6.

5+2+6= 13. 1+3=4.

Her Life Path Number is 5.

Her Expression/Destiny Number is 6.

Her Soul Urge/Hearts Desire Number is 4.

To get a better understanding here's a simple definition of the most basics that numerologists look for when they start adding from the letters in our name, the vowels in our name and our birthday.

Life Path Number: The Life Path is the sum of the birth date of a person. This number represents who you are at birth and the native traits that you will carry with you through life. The Life Path describes the nature of this journey through life.

Expression Number: A number derived from all of the letters in your full birth name make up what is called the Expression or Destiny number. This is the number that describes the talents and attitudes at your disposal in this lifetime, if you choose to develop and use them of course. This is sometimes referred to as your potential or destiny. Living up to attributes of this number may not be easy, but it is your goal. It is your life's purpose, spiritual mission, and your field of opportunity. Unlike the Life Path number which reads as you ARE, the Expression number more correctly reads as you MUST, to accomplish your mission in this lifetime.

Soul Urge Number :The Soul Urge or as it is sometimes called, the heart's desire, is an important influence in numerology .This means your inner craving, likes and dislikes. It's made up of the vowels in your name.

Here is what the basic of numbers mean: The details are relatively similar from numerologists, this is just an example of each number.

Number 0 - Limitless, Unity, Nothingness, Boundless, Truth, Purity, Love, All, Alpha and Omega, Possibility, First Cause, Unmanifest, Breath of God, Unified Field, Source, Space, Consciousness, Cosmic Egg, God.

Number 1 - Beginning, New, Focused concentration, Goal-striving, Action, Independence, Originality, Courage, Invention, Leader, Self-reliant, Ambition, Pioneer, Will, Conscious Mind, Positive.

Number 2 - Duality, Division, Polarity, Choice, Gestation, Cooperation, Service, Harmony, Support, Waiting, Diplomacy, Patience, Psychic, Intuition, Adaptable, Empathic, Partnership, Mediator, Comparison, Receptive, Helper, Collecting, Reproduction, Balancer of Opposites, Subconscious Memory, Positive and Negative.

Number 3 - Trinity, Union of Divine plus Human, Manifestation, Positive, Negative and Neutral, Expression, Subconscious Mind/Imagination, Creative, Optimistic, Enthusiasm, Expressive, Charming, Humour, Fun, Attractive, Friendly.

Number 4 - Practical, orderly, patient, logical, hard-working, loyal, builder, steadfast, frugal, responsible, earthy, planner, materially creative, green thumb, even tempered.

Number 5 - Adventure, change, freedom, exploration, variety, sensuality, unattached, curious, experienced, periodicity, knowledge seeker, knowledge teacher, traveller, imagination, child-like, playful.

Number 6 - Harmony, beauty, nurturing, love, marriage, family, responsibility, understanding, sympathy, healing, empathic, perfectionist, order, duty, comfort, service.

Number 7 - Philosopher, sage, wisdom seeker, reserved, inventor, stoic, contemplative, aloof, deep-thinker, introspective, spiritual, faith, esoteric, exotic, unusual, hidden, seeking perfection, ethereal, other worldly, enigma.

Number 8 - Achievement, abundance, executive, strength, self-disciplined, power, success, authority, psychology, entrepreneur, intensity, supervisor, provider, grandeur, material manifester.

Number 9 - Endings, completion, humanitarian, compassionate, romantic, selfless, generous, philanthropic, loving, wisdom, idealist, artistic, spiritual healer, all allowing, other worldly, blending.

Numerology has been used for business decisions, relationship advice, seeing the signs of the Universe and/or Spirit Guides, Karmic situations, subconscious dreaming, what to overcome in this specific life, why you are the way you are, Maturity level, Rational Thought. There is a literally a number for everything that makes up who we are on every level. It takes a lot of studying and work to find all this information on your own, (trust me I've looked), I find it easier to just get a reading. Enjoy finding out what really makes me you tick.

Peace to all Beings and may Love and Wisdom guide you through Life!!!

Learn more about it and get your personalized numerology report for free.

#numerology #numerology prediction #numerology test #numerology meaning #what is numerology #astrology and numerology #astrology #spiritulawakening #spiritualgrowth #spiritualwisdom

[everlarkficexchange]

Battle Scars

Writen by: @jrheartbreaker

Prompt 36: Katniss and Peeta are friends on the verge of more. Katniss or Peeta is hesitant to take the next step until something tragic happens to the other (just not death) that pushes them to realize their feelings and commit. [submitted by @ra3lynn3]

TRIGGER WARNING!!

CONTAINS VIOLENCE AND RAPE.

Battle Scars

“Katniss! It’s the Prom. You’re telling me you really don’t want to go?” Prim asks me.

It’s hard to believe my little sister Primrose is in the 9th grade. It feels like only yesterday that she was in diapers. She’s quite popular at school. Practically everyone falls in love with her right away. Because of her naturally sweet disposition, her beautiful long, blonde hair, and her radiant, azure eyes. Not to mention her sense of humor. She is, by far, my best friend and my favorite person in the world. But we are opposite in so many ways.

“Prim, who would I go with? Gale has already graduated, and he’s going with Madge to Aspen this weekend.”

Gale is my other best friend. Most people think he’s my brother or cousin. He’s two years older than me. I’m a senior this year, which is why my kid sister, who would kill to go to any party, is trying to force into a Prom dress and heels.

I can’t wait to be out of school.

Gale’s olive complexion, brown hair and grey eyes that match my own, are the main reason everyone thinks we we’re related. Even more than that, we share the same temperament, love of outdoors, and being the oldest child in single parent families. I feel at one point, it was probably expected by our families, that we’d fall madly in love, but we could never be more than friends. He started dating Madge Undersee about 4 months ago and I’ve never seen him happier.

“Would you even have gone with Gale? Maybe he’ll put off Aspen-“

“No Prim. I don’t know why this is such a big deal to you.” I cut her off before she can suggest ruining his plans.

Madge’s great, considering her father is the Mayor and she comes from Oprah money. Gale’s mom, Hazelle Hawthorne, both of his younger brothers, Rory and Victor, Prim and I are so happy for Gale. He’s finally with someone who can put out some of his fire, when need be. Even his 7 year old, baby sister, Posy, likes Madge. Posy’s not easily won over, but a very good judge of character.

“Well, you should go… I may have even flirted with a teachers aid to procure a dress for you.” Prim states crossing her arms and sighing.

“Primrose Lilac Everdeen. What on God’s green earth are you talking about?” I question.

Where did she get a dress?

“I borrowed one from the drama’s costume department that’s just your size. Please don’t be mad… I think there’s a boy who wants to go with you, too. This guy, who I‘m pretty sure I’ve seen staring at you before, stopped Rory and I walking home the other day and asked us if I was your sister. Anyway, he was asking him to ask me. And… if you have a date to Prom! Maybe he’s gonna ask you today.” Prim squeals.

He’s probably a creeper.

She should’ve called the police.

Even if he’s not…

“I don’t want my baby sister setting me up on a date.”

“I’m technically not. But, Katniss, he’s gorgeous, blond and blue eyed, and he had on a letterman’s jacket. I don’t know him that well, but Rory does. He said he’s a really nice guy. You should give him a chance.” She says, her eyes pleading with me.

“Prim, seriously? The dance is tomorrow and I don’t have any shoes. My hair-”

“I got 20 bucks. From babysitting Posy for Hazelle last weekend… and I’ll do your hair. Come on Kat.” She whines.

Ugh, She’s giving me no outs.

“Prim you can’t use your money on me.”

“Sissy you deserve this. Mom works all the time; which leaves you here to help me with my homework, dinner every night, and you always have just enough money to get anything I need. Whether it’s supplies for projects, dance classes, or new cheerleading outfits. You’ve even magically provided me with lunch money we didn’t have, when I cried like a brat, because it wasn’t cool to have a boxed lunch anymore. You’ve given up every other school dance and so many extracurricular activity for me.”

Her voice starts quivering her eyes well up, but she pushes on. “ Please let me do this for you. Cause one day… after you move to L.A., becoming a famous singer/song writer, I won’t have many opportunities to make up for all you’ve done for me.”

Great now I’m gonna cry.

“Oh, Little Duck, you’re so sweet. I do all of those things for you because… I’m your big sister, and I love you. Thank you for believing in me, but I’m probably not going to be famous, Prim. Plus, who says I’m moving to L.A.?” I counter.

How could she know!?

“I saw the brochure and expectance letter under your bed for the Arts Academy in Hollywood. Aren’t you excited?” She asks sniffling and wiping her eyes.

“Prim, why were you? How… I’m not going there. I mean, I haven’t decided… it would be too far and it’s not even a full scholarship…”

“Katniss, you are mad talented, so stop. Stop doubting yourself. We could figure it out. Plus, your songs need to be heard. They make me feel like I could do, anything. Become anything or anyone I want. Not just some poor, fatherless girl, with a dead dad and a slightly distant mom, from Wildomar, California.”

“Okay, Sis, I’ll think about going to school The Arts Academy, but I don’t think I’m gonna go to Pro-”

“No buts… Don’t say it. You’re going to Prom, whether that guy asks you or not. That’s the end of it. I love you.” She insists, hugging me.

I drive us to school in my beat up 92’ F250 truck that barely runs. I got it from Gale. After he graduated, his mom got him a 70’ Chevelle off Craig’s List for $600.

It took him all of his summer job money, but he restored it. He painted it orange with black racing stripes. I told him he drives a Dukes of Hazzard car. Even though I later found out that car was called, The General Lee, and had a pretty inappropriate flag on the roof. He laughed at me for getting the car models confused. Either way I still call the Chevelle, Daisy, the character Jessica Simpson played in The Dukes of Hazzard movie. Gale says his car’s name is, Peaches McGee, which sounds like a country stripper’s name to me. Prim and I call the F250, Colby, since it’s a faded cobalt blue.

After dropping Prim in front of school, I park. I contemplate what I’ll make for dinner tonight since I know mom hasn’t gone grocery shopping, and we don’t get more food stamps till the first of the month. At least the rent money is in the bank. But that leaves me pretty cash poor. Grabbing my messenger bag out of the seat beside me, I head over to my friends. My main squad consists of friends I’ve mostly known since elementary school.

Annabelle Cresta and Finnick Odair are the it couple at school, probably in our district. Annie, as we call her, is as beautiful on the inside as she is out with green eyes and curly auburn hair. Finnick, who is both gorgeous and charming as hell, has green eyes, and seemingly always perfectly coifed, bronze hair. He’s like a tanner, funnier, Twilight vampire.

We have bets on if they will get married right out of high school or get pregnant before graduation because we all know they’ve been secretly in love with each other since 5th grade and they can’t keep their hands off each other. He finally got the nerve to ask her out in 9th grade. To his dismay, she said no like 80 times… even though I know for a fact; she used to doodle Mrs. Odair in all of her notebooks.

I think she said no just to make him sweat… and possibly to get back at him for flirting so shamelessly. Finnick used to tell us he would always be single, so he basically hit on anything moving, in a skirt and never actually exclusively dated a girl. But Annie told me once that he was over compensating. That it was all an act, because he thought he would get crap from other guys, for liking just one girl. When she finally said yes she would go out with him, she made him wait three more months before she let him kiss her. Serves him right. He’s been attached to her hip ever since.

Cordelia Cartwright and Thomas Mason Jr. is also a major cute couple. Delly, as she prefers to be called, is a sweetheart, but she doesn’t take crap from anybody. She used to be chubby in middle school… but one day, she showed up to school a total knock out, curves in all the right places. Her new body, blonde curls and crystal blue eyes must be Thom’s weaknesses, because he fell hard and fast for Dells.

Thom has light brown skin, hazel eyes and curly brown hair. He looks like his older sister Johanna Mason, who graduated with Gale but got pregnant and moved back home last year to have her baby boy. Thom and Delly are smitten with each other. They plan on trying the long distance thing while in college.

Bart Latier III and Wiress Hawkins… Hmm. They’re a couple. I think. They refer to each other as “lab partners” but… I know BeeTee likes Wiress, a lot. You can tell by the way he laughs at all her jokes, stares at her and walks her to all of her classes.

I even saw him once; while in conversation, in the middle of a sentence, take off her glasses, huff on them, wipe them on his shirt and put them back on her face. He didn’t even pause in his explanation of the Pythagorean theorem to Thom. She just looked at him and blinked a few times, and then went back to reading war and Peace.

Suffice it to say, both are brown eyed, brown haired, very smart, very cute, kinda nerdy, but very loyal friends.

I say what’s up to my crew when I reach them. We usually hang out in the parking lot until right before the bell rings.

Thresh Tillage, Blight Harris, and Marvel Gladstone, a few of the football hotties, is in the parking lot too. I consider them good guys and friends. But, Ugh, Glimmer and Clove, whom I don’t consider friends at all, are hanging all over those guys.

Glimmer Gladstone is Marvel’s little sister. She’s two grades below us and has always been a leggy, severely blessed on top, potential Pantene Pro-V hair commercial… bitch. Most guys fall all over themselves to talk to her, and she knows it. But she’s mean as an old, mangy cat. She doesn’t discriminate either. She’s mean to girls, to guys… to old people, little kids. Hell, she probably tortures, small animals… like a serial killer.

Her bestie “for like… ever”, Clove Fields, is just as evil but the exact opposite physically. Clove has darker features and she’s petite with no chest. Which probably fuels her perpetual bitterness. They wear skimpy clothes; too much makeup to be so young… and they think boys are meant to be their slaves.

“Hey uh… Katniss?” I hear from my right.

Huh?

Peeta Mellark pulls me out of my thoughts. He has to be the sweetest guy I’ve ever met. Always opening doors for people. Always smiling. He brings freshly baked muffins to his teachers. Not just to get good grades, either. I heard he volunteers to read books at a children’s hospital, in the cancer and burn units. Peeta’s good at art and wrestling and he’s also a football player. He’s pretty much the hottest guy I know, but doesn’t act like he knows it.

His dad owns the closest bakery (hence the bread name) and he has two older brothers who have already graduated. Peeta’s eyes, some of the prettiest blue eyes (only topped by Prim’s) that I’ve ever seen, frustratingly throw me off balance. I don’t usually get this affected by any boys. He doesn’t usually say all that much to me. So I can ignore any disturbance in the force, normally.

Even if I wish he would.

Stop just… staring at him, spaz.

Say something, duh.

“Hi Peeta, how are you?” I ask.

“Umm, good… Hi… I mean… I’m great how ‘bout you?”

Gosh, he’s cute when he’s nervous.

He runs a hand through his wavy blond locks. The other hand is pulling at his book bag strap. He looks and me at smiles.

“Hi Peeta!” Glimmer waves at him from behind us.

Skank, crack-whore.

Peeta waves at Glimmer, quickly. Then he turns back to me. I laugh because behind her, Finnick is making faces at me. Annie smacks his arm.

“I’m good too, but the bell is gonna ring soon. Let’s walk and talk okay?” I suggest and grab Peeta by the letterman jacket, pulling him towards our first period class.

Peeta and I have most of the same classes. He probably just needs my notes.

“Okay. I think you… uh… are really, NICE, Katniss. You… we have class together. And you’re really smart.” Peeta says.

We stop walking. I let go of his jacket. He glances down, possibly at my bag. So I guess this is about class notes. Then out of nowhere…

“Everdeen. Baby. You’re killing me. Why you look so sexy in those jeans? You should get locked up for looking so damn good in those jeans. You know that?” Cato Johnson says stepping in my path.

What?

Cato seems to be talking to me, and, well, hitting on me. I look at Peeta, who looks just as shocked as I am, but shrugs and looks down again. So I turn back to Cato.

Cato isn’t a friend or an enemy. He’s just a guy who most people would call popular and easy on the eyes. He’s so tall and buff for his age; he looks like an undercover narc. He also happens to be captain of the football team. Typical jock.

Never really talked to the guy. We have some classes together. I heard a rumor that a girl got caught hunching with him in the teachers lounge once in 10th grade. But there’s so much gossip at this school, you never know what’s real and not real. Cato would be attractive if it weren’t for his ego.

“What do you want? And why are you using those tired ass lines on me, Johnson?” I shoot at him.

I hear a couple of, ooohs and aw mans, in the background. Along with some chucking from my friends who just walked up. A little crowd is forming.

Crap, I don’t need an audience to egg whatever this is on.

“Kat? Why you gotta cut me down, in front of everyone? I think you are the bomb-dot-com.” He says all Rico Suave like.

Cue over exaggerated eye roll.

Cato grabs one of my hands and puts it on his chest feigning heartbreak. This kind of stuff happens all day. Just not usually to me.

"Okay. I’ll bite. What do you want?” I say squinting my eyes at him.

He must’ve lost a bet or something.

“Just what I said. I like you Everdeen. You’re cool and sexy. I want to take you out.” He sounds crazily sincere.

What the hell is going on here?

I feel like I’m being punk’d.

Where’s Ashton Kutcher?

“You wanna take… ME? Out? Where?” I ask stupefied.

“How, bout… to Prom?” Cato says, smiling from ear to ear.

Ho-ly Crap.

Is he the boy Prim was talking about?

She wasn’t making it up.

Holy Crap.

“Uh, uh… to prom? With you to…” I start.

“To-morrow night. Yeah. Come on. Say you’ll go with me. Please?” He practically begs, getting down on one knee.

He pulls out a single red rose from his letterman jacket. Swooning is heard from the girls standing around watching. My heart is beating in my ears. I don’t even know Cato that well. I mean, we know of each other. But…

Prim’s voice is in my head.

You’re going, and that’s the end of it!

I look around at my friends to see that Annie and Delly are stunned. Finnick looks nonchalant about the whole thing. Peeta looks like he’s going to be sick or something.

What do I do?

What should I do?

Drake says, “You only live once”, right?

“O-kay. Ok. Sure.” I say blushing and biting my bottom lip.

“Yeah?” He stands up and picks me up in a hug, swinging me around.

Clapping and woots are heard in the background. As he sets me down, my hands are around his neck and he kisses my cheek. Then pecks my lips. I don’t have time to respond.

“Class everyone!” The assistant principal yells and kids disperse.

“I better get to class.” I say softly.

“See you later, sweet cheeks.” Cato says.

Embarrassed, I let my arms fall to my bag. He walks away from me backwards, with a huge smile on his face. Then he turns and high fives two of his teammates.

Did that just happen?

I hurry to class and sit down. I’m still not sure if I made the right decision. But also, I’m sort of floating.

He asked me to Prom.

In front of a bunch of people.

“So? You and Cato, huh?” Peeta snaps me back to reality for a second time today.

Oh yeah, he probably still needs my notes.

“Sorry, Peeta. Yeah. I guess. I didn’t know he even liked me.”

“Well. What’s not to like?” He says so quietly, I almost ask him to repeat it, to be sure.

“Did you need my no-”?

"Miss Everdeen! Is my class taking up your social time?” Mrs. Leeg asks me.

“No, Mam’.” I say.

Busted.

Peeta looks and mouths at “sorry”, me. I give him a small smile and try my best to pay attention to the lesson.

Just like she promised, Prim does my hair. We found some cute shoes for $12.99, and the dress she borrowed, fits me like a glove. It’s a pretty, shimmery coral color. Right now she’s doing my makeup.

“Katniss! Hold still. Just… don’t blink for a minute.” Prim scolds me.

“Okay, I’m trying. I think you put everything in this makeup bag on my face. Are you sure my hair needs hair spray? I never use that stuff. Isn’t it bad for the ozone or something?” I ask feeling more nervous than I’ll admit to.

Prim laughs and shakes her head. I’m actually grateful to have my sister helping me. I just think people put too much money, time, and effort into these things. I don’t like being fussed over and I’ve been sitting in a chair, in a hot bathroom, for over an hour.

“Dare I say it?”

“Please, dare to.” I beg cracking my neck a little.

“You… wait… okay. You’re done!” Prim squeals eyes all lit up, clapping her hands.

“Bout freaking time. Oh, hand me my phone I gotta check and see if my date texted me. He was going to pick me up, but I told him I could meet him at the school.” I tell her.

Cato doesn’t really need to see where I live. Our house is old and small and the neighborhood is not like his; I’m sure. We have people selling on the corner and cars put on blocks every other week.

I see he just texted me.

Cato- Ur 2 sexy not 2 b picked up. But if u want 2 meet there itz cool. (-:

He texts like a 14-year-old girl.

Katniss- I do. I’m hitching a ride with my friends.

He replies right back.

Cato- Ur wish is my command. Pretty lady.

Ok. I’ll admit. That was cute.

Katniss- See u soon :)

I can’t believe I’m really going to Prom. I’ve never danced in front of anyone before. I hope Cato isn’t like some professional dancer or something.

“Oooh he seems sweet. With the whole, ‘wish is my command thing’. Like in The Princess Bride movie.” Prim sighs.

"Stop reading over my shoulder goober. Besides, Wesley says, ‘As you wish’ to Buttercup.” Also, he’s okay as a first date for me. I mean… it’s just one dance. We’ll see how it goes.” I explain.

“Well, with that attitude? He must be super excited.” She laughs. “Just promise me you’ll try to have fun and loosen up. As someone wise once said, these are the moments of our lives.”

“Okay, Little Duck. One; that is from a commercial for coffee, and two, it’s, ‘Celebrate the moments of our lives’.”

"Semantics, Kat.”

“Plus, I don’t need to loosen up. I have plenty of fun.” I point out scowling.

“Sure you’re tons of fun. Just have more fun than usual, mmkay. And don’t make that face you’ll mess up my masterpiece.”

What? I’m fun.

“Whatever Prim. Can you help me put my dress on? Finnick and Annie and the rest of the crew are picking me up soon.” I say.

BeeTee suggested that everyone chip in to get a stretch limo. I told them not to worry about me, because I don’t have the money.

Story of my life.

Of course they insisted I don’t need to pay, and that they’ll pick me up, because Thom’s house is so close to mine.

The rest of the gang literally lives on the other side of the tracks, like literal railroad tracks. “The upper half”, meaning, most of their parents are doctors and lawyers that make six figures a year. Or they are at least college graduates. My mom is not quite so well paid. She’s a Licensed Vocational Nurse and has been for the passed 13 years, with a long break after my dad’s sudden death of a Cerebral Aneurism when he was 27. He was an archery teacher at a college, with no life insurance. I was eight. Prim was four, almost five. She barely remembers him. My mom almost didn’t recover from the depression of losing him. So she didn’t work for about 5 years.

Gale’s family lost his dad to a fire about two years later. He loved being a firefighter, but we were all sad he never got to meet Posy. She was born after he passed. The Hawthornes really helped us till my mom came out of the fog she walked around in. I sort of took the role of mom when it came to Prim. It taught me having to take care of someone else is tough. Between Prim and watching other neighborhood kids, I’m unsure I ever want kids of my own. They are loud, usually sticky or wet and always hungry.

So I’ve pretty much managed to steer clear of dating boys. Till now. I throw myself into working at Sam’s music store and writing music since, that’s what I want to do. I’ve worked at a couple fast food places, when times were tough and we needed extra money.

I used to volunteer at the church soup kitchen. They always let Prim and I eat for free; and it makes you feel good to do for others when you are feeling like you’ve hit rock bottom.

Needless to say, we’ve been pretty poor most of our lives. But no one really knows. I would hate to see the pity on their faces and I don’t like owing people. It’s something I’m working on. Annie and Delly keep telling me that we all need people and that I push people away trying to be so independent.

“You look great. My baby’s all grow‘d up. Mom… she wanted to be here. But I told her it was okay. She would probably make you more nervous anyway.” Prom says snapping pics with her phone.

It’s only my first real date ever.

Why would I need my mom?

I kiss Prim goodbye, before I do something stupid like cry. I grab my purse and make the quick walk to Thom’s house.

“Hey Katniss! Dem fake lashes though. You look so glam.” Rue says to me.

Thom’s little sister Rue, is the same age as Prim and they’ve been best friends since they could walk. Rue is sitting on her porch holding her baby nephew.

“Thanks. Your partner in crime did my hair and makeup, so you know, I’m uncomfortable.” I say making her giggle.

“Thom will be out in a minute. He’s looking up videos on YouTube on how to tie a fancy bow tie.” Rue informs me.

“Okay. I’ll wait out here.” I say sitting next to her playing with C.J’s little feet. “He’s getting so big. Where’s Jo?”

Jo named her son Cori Junior Mason. But as far as I know, no one knows who Cori Senior is or his last name since the baby has hers. I don’t like to pry, so I’ve never asked Jo what the deal was with her baby daddy.

“She had to work as usual. But I only have to keep Cori until my mom gets off. Then I’m going to your house to hang out with P.” Rue says.

“Okay she has money for pizza. My mom should be home by eleven and no inviting over Vic and Rory. I don’t care if they claim they need to do homework with you, need to borrow a book, a pencil or pen, blah, blah, blah. Hawthorne’s are banned.” I warn.

“Katniss it was only that one time, I swear.” Rue tries to explain turning pink in the cheeks. “Vic said he and Rory couldn’t go home cause they got detention and Gale was gonna tar and feather them.”

“Yeah but when I got there you and Vic were on the couch, in the dark. And P and Rory were in her room, with the door closed. If you don’t want me to tell Rooba, Hazelle, and my mom, it best not happen again. You’re a smart girl. You’re holding what one of the consequences to being alone with boys can be.” I scold.

“We know. We know. Even though you didn’t tell our mom’s; Gale, Thom, Jo and Madge gave all four of us the talk shortly after. It was so embarrassing.” Rue blushes harder.

I got left out of that talk seeing as how I haven’t done what’s in the talk.

“Well, I said I wouldn’t tell your moms. I never promised I wouldn’t tell my back up.” I laugh.

“Ok, Rue, be good. Go on in. I got CJ’s bottle ready. Oh, hey Kat. Wow! Durn girl! Who knew you could be so hot.” Thom teases me.

“Yeah, sure. Compared to Dells?” I joke back.

“Well, you could be a close second.” He laughs boasting. “Ha-ha. My lady is pretty fly. No denying that.”

I hear the honking a block away from Thom’s house. The limo is white and gaudy. But it is Prom. My friends are such goofballs. They are hanging out of the windows and sunroof. They all look fantastic though.

“Hi baby. You are so cute in your tux. OMG! Katniss is that you? Picture, I need photographic evidence. Let’s take a picture everyone!” Delly screams when she sees us.

“You look so pretty.” Annie and Wiress tell me at the same time.

“You two, too.” I respond laughing.

Everyone hops out of the limo and starts pairing up on the Mason’s front lawn. Annie and Finn, BeeTee and Wiress, Dells and Thom. Annie is in aquamarine. Delly is wearing golden yellow. Wiress’ dress is a shimmery purple. And their respective dates are matching, with their ties, or bow ties and or, their cumber buns.

Crap! I’m the only one without my date.

Wait Peeta is alone too.

Posy runs over to us and I’m about to ask where her mom is when Peeta scoops her up.

“My brother said I can be your date since you don’t have one.” Posy tells him.

“P where’s Rory? You shouldn’t be out here by yourself.” Peeta tells her.

How do they even know each other?

I see Vic looking at the scene making sure Posy got here okay. He and Thom share a head nod. Vic walked her over but stayed back a few feet and is now heading back in the direction of the Hawthorne residence.

“I got her. She’s going to my house with Rue.” Thom says.

We aww and laugh at Posy, first for holding Peeta super tight, and not wanting to let him go. Then at her kissing his cheek before being dragged away by Thom.

Peeta comes over to me looking more handsome than I’ve ever seen him. His usually unruly blond curls are slicked back with gel. His suit is matte black. His jacket is unbuttoned revealing a matching vest. It’s the tie that catches my eye. It’s like an orange sunset color.

Funny, we sorta match.

“Hi.” He says to me with a smile on his face.

“Hey.” I say and we share an awkward half hug.

Man, he smells amazing.

“So your date is very young.” I tease.

“Oh, yeah P is my girl. Her best friend from school has cancer and I go the hospital she in to read a couple weekends a month. Rory and Posy go visit sometimes, so we got pretty acquainted.”

So true rumor.

“That’s so… awesome and really, really, sweet.” I gush stupidly.

Shoot me now, for social awkwardness.

“It’s no big deal, really. Anybody can volunteer. I mean you could do it… if you want. Anybody can, um. If they want to.” He rambles cutely.

“That’s so nice. You’re such a nice guy Peet. Tell me again. Why don’t you have a date, man?” Finnick teases him.

Peeta turns red and shoots Fin a look. Then he sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Well, I was gonna ask someone. But she got asked already.” Peeta says.

“Peet, stand next to Kat. She is solo for now too. Just so the picture is even and looks good.“ Annie says winking at me.

"Okay ladies, in front of the guys… yeah. Like that.” Delly orders.

She fixes all of us and pushes Peeta and I together so that my back is against his chest. He wraps his arms around my waist pulling me closer. I feel a warm tingly feeling that starts in my head and travels down to my toes. I don’t know where to put my hands at first. But I finally end up crossing my wrists and placing them on top of his clasped hands, which are up against my stomach.

Whoa! Butterflies.

Jeesh, what am I? Thirteen?

The driver takes the photo on Finn’s phone. And then everyone yells, “My phone too!” So we’re standing in this position for like 10 minutes laughing every time someone says, “Wait! Do-over. I blinked!” or “Finn, stop tickling me!” or “Put your tongue in your mouth, Tommy, and smile!”

"So… you look beautiful. I, uh… hope… hope you have a good time tonight.” Peeta says quietly in my ear.

Lord, love a duck!

He’s so freakin’ cute.

He has to lean down a little to reach cause he’s got about four inches on me. I get goose bumps on the side of my neck. I turn my head and say thank you, realizing my face is so close to his that our cheeks brush against each other’s, making me blush beet red. Peeta turns to look at me.

Boy, stop looking at me with those gorgeous eyes.

He looks forward again. Then I take the opportunity to attempt to hide my blush by quickly looking forward as well. But, it doesn’t help. Because, my lips brush his cheek on the way back front, as I begin to turn around. I’m pretty sure; the flash of a camera phone goes off at that exact moment.

Maybe he didn’t feel it?

“You guys all make great couples. Especially you two lovebirds, in the orange, I can feel the love when you look at each other.” The limo driver says.

Comments are unnecessary dude.

“Oh they aren’t a couple… Wait are you? What about Cato?” Delly accuses smiling.

OMG! How embarrassing.

I quickly let go of Peeta and walk out of his grasp. He looks lobster red in the face and a little angry, maybe.

Is it that hard for him to imagine us as a couple?

Six years ago, I would have been thrilled to have someone say that about us. I had a bit of a crush on him in the 6th grade but I kept it to myself. I figured, why waste my time? I’m from the wrong side of town. I had my sister to take care of. He probably would’ve laughed and so would everyone else have. I think Annie figured it out, but she never said anything. And I’ve moved on… or so I thought.

We thank the driver, pile into the limo, and make our way to the school gymnasium. I wish I‘d eaten something more substantial than ramen for dinner as we all laugh about our first time being in a limo. Well, it’s most of our first times being in one. I guess Peeta, Delly and Finnick have all ridden in one before.

“You and Peeta were super-cute in those pictures.” Wiress tells me quietly.

“He was just being nice. He’s nice to everyone.” I rationalize. “I didn’t know he was gonna ask someone to Prom. Do you know who it was?”

I’m practically whispering so no one tries to make a thing out of my curiosity.

“Apparently a friend, he’s liked forever according to BeeTee, ouch!” Wiress says but BeeTee who she’s sitting next to bumps her arm with his arm accidentally.

He apologizes quietly.

“Who I think he heard from Marvel, who I think heard from somebody at a different school. So basically, no I don’t know for 100 percent certainty. But maybe you should ask Finnick.” She finishes.

“Oh, well that’s too bad she was unavailable.” I try to sound aloof.

It’s a less then twenty-minute ride and when we get out, we see Glimmer and Clove standing near Marvel, Blight, and Thresh.

Those little hoochies are dressed in what are supposed to be prom dresses. But they aren’t seniors… nor are they dating any seniors. Plus, their outfits barely cover their ass.

“What are they doing here?” Delly asks no one in particular.

“Hag alert.” Clove announces.

“I know right? Hold on I’m gonna to snap that. So clev Clove.” Glimmer says laughing but not even looking up from her phone.

“Oh, I know you two jail bait, skank-a-licious, trash-boxes, ain’t talking to us.” Delly points a finger at them.

Delly looks them up and down and puts her palms up in both their faces. Essentially shutting up Clove, from coming back with something smart.

“Uhn uh. Save it. Move heifas.” Delly quips walking by.

Thom, Finn, Annie, Wiress, and BeeTee follow her laughing. Peeta is right behind me. I can tell because I can feel the warmth radiating off him.

Is he waiting for me to go in?

“Marv? Are you gonna let her talk to us that way?” Glimmer whines to her brother, sounding indignant.

“Sis, I told you. I’m not buying your ticket or taking you in with me. So, unless you two find dates… go home. That way, Dells can’t rip you a new one every time you run your mouth.” Marvel jokes.

Just then a pretty brunette walks over to Marvel. He turns, puts an arm around her, and they go into the building.

“Blighty Whitey, won’t you take pity on us and take us in with you?” Clove begs.

“Are you really a trash-box? Cause I could be into that.” Blight and Thresh laugh as she sticks her tongue out at him.

“There you are beautiful.” I hear Cato say before I can see him.

He is dressed in a black 007-type tuxedo. He cleans up well, I might add. He’s walking across the parking lot and winks at me.

Will I never stop blushing tonight?

“Yup, here I am.” I say lamely and smile.

“If you need anything… just say so.” Peeta tells me quietly as Cato walks towards us.

Peeta backs away from me and walks over to Thresh. Cato hugs me, and then latches my arm onto his. Next thing I know, he’s ushering me towards the entrance of the gym.

I look back over my shoulder and nod my understanding at Peeta. He shoots me a half smile. Glimmer cuts off my view of him. Probably trying to flirt her way in with Peeta.

Haha, fat chance of that… Hoe in training.

Cato pulls out our tickets as we walk into the menagerie of streamers and balloons that take up half of the gym. There is a table with punch and refreshments, and a DJ booth way over in the corner. Some tables and chairs are setup with people sitting at them talking and laughing. Right in the center of everything is the dance floor. The lights are beautiful. It’s dim lighting, but every color imaginable is dancing off the walls.

“So, you wanna dance or would you like a drink first?” Cato asks me.

Some people are dancing already, but not many. I definitely need time to prepare for that.

"Umm, I’m not a very good dancing-”

“Hey! What up C? This her? The one you caught the other day? Damn dude! She’s wavy.” Some random guy I’ve never seen says to Cato, giving him a low five that turns into a weird bros handshake.

“Yeah this is my hottie, Kat.” Cato brags.

“Uh, Katniss, actually.” I say and put my hand out to the stranger.

He has long blond hair. So blond it’s almost white… white as snow. Then it hits me. This guys name is Snow. I remember him getting teased in elementary school by some older kids.

He started using the nickname they gave him to introduce himself. Then they didn’t have anything to tease him about. Glad he figured out a way to deal with those bullies before he got all messed up.

“You can call me Snow. C-Dog here is my cousin, actually, so don’t you go breaking his heart. All right now, Kitty Kat? Cato and Kitty. I can see the invitations to the wedding now.” Snow laughs and gives me a wicked grin.

I pull my hand away. Okay, I jumped the gun on that one. Maybe he’s not the, take the higher road, well adjusted type that I thought he was.

He’s a little creepy actually.

“Too fast cuz. Let’s get through tonight, first.” Cato says laughing almost as menacingly as Snow, but then smiles sweetly at me and squeezes my hand.

“I see my friends acting stupid over there. Cato, I’ll just go tell them I found you and get some punch. It was nice meeting you, Snow.” I say trying to sound convincing.

“You too Kitty.”

It really wasn’t all that nice. He thinks I’m something you catch. He won’t say my name right, and he’s picking out our wedding invites after one date.

Cato catches me off guard and pulls me in for a kiss. It’s not long; but he brushes his tongue across my lips and I gasp, causing my mouth to open a bit and he smiles.

He tastes like peppermint, but with a hint of alcohol? He’s underage. Where would he get booze? Ugh, probably Snow. I step back, but leave my hand on his chest so he doesn’t feel rejected that I pulled away so soon. I can tell he enjoyed the brief kiss.

“Sure thing, sugar lips… I’ll be here waiting.” Cato promises.

As I walk away his cousin says, “Damn, Cuz.”

I walk away, faster.

Creep.

When I spot my friends, I contemplate asking them if it’s a bad sign that Cato may have already started drinking. But decide not to and tell Wiress how lovely her purple dress is. Out of my Peripherals, I see Glimmer clutching Peeta’s arm walking towards us.

What the actual freak?

“Hey there Cathey.” Glimmer purposely mispronounces my name.

Oh, no she didn’t.

“It’s Kat-Niss.” I pronounce like I’m explaining it to a toddler.

Oh, that’s right, I am.

“What Evers. Totes, literally.” Glimmer states so eloquently.

Ditz.

Why is Peeta with her?

Why am I so pissed about it?

“Peeta, I’m going to get some punch would you like some?” Glimmer asks him, which is shocking since she never does anything for anyone else.

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thanks.” Peeta says smiling at her.

She bats her eyes at him like she’s in a 2005 Mariah Carey music video.

Ugh! Stop it!

“Peeta, don’t tell me you brought her in with you?” Wiress asks before I can, as soon as Glimmer walks away.

“Wiress, come on, I didn’t have a date. The girl I was gonna ask, already had a date, so just let me… enjoy my Prom. No judgement, please.” He responds causing Wiress to look ashamed and nod.

“I just don’t see why you would want to even hang around wi-” I start.

“Don’t Katniss! Okay. You’re here with Johnson, right? So just go… be with him.” Peeta practically yells at me.

Then he turns and walks away, leaving Wiress and I slack jawed and dumbfounded.

What the hell was that about?

I walk back over to Cato where he’s surrounded by a group of cheerleaders and jocks. I almost turn back around, but he quickly walks over to me and snags my wrist gently.

“Hey gorgeous. Where you off to? We were just discussing the fact that you and I are probably gonna win Prom King and Queen.” He says cockily.

He must be joking.

“But I’m not even in the running.” I state confused.

“Sure you are. I nominated you as soon as you agreed to come with me yesterday; and everyone is saying how official we are as a couple. I can’t wait to beat Finnick and Annie. I bet they think that they have it in the bag already. But we’re gonna give them a run for their money. Right?” Cato asks sounding excited.

He did ask me to Prom and he did buy my ticket. He seems really anxious to win. The least I could do is try for him.

“Okay. Well, what do we do then?” I ask biting my bottom lip.

“Well first, stop biting your lip. It’s too damn sexy.” He smiles and grabs both of my hands, pulling me to a table far away from everyone.

“And second, take a swig of this.” Cato takes a silver flask from his jacket pocket and hands it to me discreetly.

Hold up. What?

“I… What is it?” I question.

“Liquid courage.”

I just stare at him.

“It’s just Bacardi 151. That’s a kind of rum. Don’t worry. I’ll take care of you.” He says pushing it closer to my mouth.

Am I seriously about to do this?

I have had alcohol once before in my life. It was with Gale. But he only let me have a tiny sip.

This is only a little too, right?

Cato says he’ll take care of me.

I take a medium gulp and it burns going down my throat. I try not to wince in pain, but it’s just so strong. I’m coughing when Cato hands me water, so I down the whole cup and burp very un-ladylike. I cover my mouth and say excuse me. He just chuckles like he’s proud and then hands me some minty gum.

“Thanks?”

I suddenly feel very loose and tingly.

“No prob babe. Follow me.” He says raising an eyebrow.

We mingle with most of the patrons at the prom for about an hour. I’m introduced to a ton of people, and told a bunch of names, I’ll never remember. When we get around my friends they all make an effort to be nice to Cato.

But where’s Peeta?

When Cato pretty much tells my crew to vote for us, I’m embarrassed. But Finnick tells us he hopes we win. Then Cato drags me to the corner again to take another swig of his jacket juice. It burns a bit less this time. Cato then escorts me to the dance floor. He’s a really good dancer on his own. But he gets so close to me and grabs my waist rocking my hips. I didn’t know I had this much rhythm. I slowly start to gain confidence.

Yeah, I got this.

After the floor gets packed we start grinding into each other, my back to his front. I attempt to do what I’ve seen on TV and YouTube. Cato seems very pleased. My friends, who are dancing nearby are fluctuating between shock and admiration at my booty popping skills. I have to admit I’m actually having fun.

“I’m gonna go to the, um ladies room.” I tell him in his ear.

Cato turns his face and kisses me more passionately then he did before. But again I back away. I smile and he lets me go.

“Hurry back, sexy.” He says.

I’m not sure how I feel about all of these kisses. It all seems so fast.

Should I be kissing him? It is a date.

I try to make my way through the crowd. It’s jam-packed and sweltering in here. It takes me a couple minutes to get off the dance floor, and now I’m feeling kinda fuzzy. My girls must notice, and see me walking towards the restrooms. They’re close behind.

“Katniss! Look at you having fun!” Annie says grinning.

Boo Yow! Ha! Primmy!

Who says I’m not fun?

Not trusting my voice I just smile and high five her. They are all looking in the mirror, adjusting straps hairpins or makeup.

“Delly is a little jealous you can twerk it like that.” Wiress laughs.

“I am not! My boyfriend is half black and I keep him sat-is-fied. So, obviously, I can shake what my momma gave me good enough. But Katniss is doing alright.” Delly clarifies.

“Yeah I’m am!” I shout while waiting for a stall door to open.

We all laugh super hard and then it’s finally my turn to pee. They all take more time to fix their makeup, talk about after parties and check each other for tissue paper on the bottom of their shoes. Then leave telling me they’ll meet me on the dance floor. I think I pee for almost three minutes straight. As I go to wash my hands, I feel much more unsteady then I did before.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t eaten much.

Ah well.

On the way back to Cato, I bump into Peeta and Glimmer who are dancing at the edge of the crowd.

“Are you alright?” Peeta asks.

“You not maddat me inymore?”

I sound weird. I feel weird too.

“Uch! Peety! She got sweat on my arm.” Glimmer pouts.

Shut up trick!

“Yeah, Kat, you don’t look so good. I’m gonna help her get some water, Glim. I’ll be right back.” Peeta yells over the music.

Ha ha ha! Suck it, Trabeck!

She looks pissed and walks away. Peeta helps me to a table, where we sit. He gives me a cold water bottle to drink and holds one on my neck.

“You shood go back to yer jailbait. Don’ worry bout me. Ine all good.” I slur a little batting his hand trying feel my forehead away.

Drink the water. Don’t spill it. Good.

“You are not all good. You’ve been drinking? Did that fuc- Did that tool give you alcohol?” Peeta questions me.

Damn! He can tell.

“Noo! I juss haded like one skwig! We wanna be pom kink and queent. You don’ know how mush I neededed to re-laacks. I don’ dantce.” I sit up and try to speak more clearly.

“You don’t drink either. But you seem to not have any trouble shaking your ass.” Peeta scolds.

He closes his eyes while pinching the bridge of his nose. He lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Who er you… my dad? I got go pee-pee, Pee-ta.” I laugh at my hilarious joke.

He didn’t find it funny. I wobbly get up from the table, but he captures my hand in his before I can walk away. I look into his bright blue eyes. For the second time tonight it gives me butterflies. I hiccup.

I’m trying to be mad at you.

“Hold on. I just… I don’t like that guy for you. You deserve better and he isn’t as nice a guy as you think. Just be careful. Okay?” Peeta sounds like he’s talking through glass as I yank my hand free and scowl at him.

How dare he judge my date? He’s here with Glimmer.

“I said Ine good. You c-careful nodda get herpees! Yeah? Or scabies, fromm yer date. Unkay? Cado is showin’ me good time an an he assed me. Not you. So whaddayou care?” I stammer walking away from him.

“Hey babe… there you are. Thought I was going to have to send out search and rescue for you. They’re gonna announce the King and Queen soon.” Cato tells me.

Okay, gotta keep it together.

“Ca I hafe s'more gum an iss my maketup runnin’?”

Cato looks at me, and tilts my face gently in both of his hands. I can feel his breath on my face, but it’s cool and nice. He wipes under my eyes with his thumbs and kisses me on the nose sweetly.

Huh. See Mellark. Cato’s definitely better than Glimmer.

“There. All better. Okay? Just hold on to me.” Cato reassures me.

I eat some chips and drink a lot more water. One more bathroom break and I feel myself getting back to normal.

After an announcement by the assistant principle, asking the nominee finalists to step forward I start to get nervous, I’m gonna fall like in the Miss Congeniality movie. It’s myself, Annie, some girl on student council, and the varsity head cheerleader. The guys are Finn, Cato, Thresh, and Peeta.

What the?

We have more waiting around to do as they talk about each of us. People clap and shout out their favorites. I’m still a little shocked to be up here. Then it’s time to reveal the winners.

“And your 2013 Prom King is Finnick Odair! And his Queen is Annabelle Cresta!” Mr. Plutarch says.

Yay! I’m happy for them.

There is a ton of applause. Cato looks at me. I see the disappointment, frustration and confusion on his face.

“The runners up are Peeta Mellark… and Katniss Everdeen!” Mr. Plutarch announces.

Holy shit!

If anything it should be Cato and I. But it really shouldn’t even be me at all. Not even in second place.

They place a sash across our chests. This is all very sobering. Now when I look at Cato’s face, all I see is frustration. They give Cato and the head cheerleader third place sashes and flowers, and fourth place to Thresh and the last girl.

After the applause dies down, we are expected to dance with our respective win mates. Mine being Peeta, I automatically wrap my arm around his offered arm and he escorts me to the floor where the lights are shining on us.

I can’t believe this.

But I do love this song by Jason Mraz.

He puts a hand on the small of my back. I rest mine on his shoulder. Our other hands intertwine. We start moving and a couple of camera flashes go off.

Everyone’s looking. Please don’t let me fall.

“I didn’t even know I was nominated.” Peeta quietly admits.

“Yeah, me either, until tonight. Cato put my name in after I agreed to go with him. Look, I’m really sorry for earlier. You’re right. I do not drink. And I shouldn’t have tonight but I’m just so… it’s just. I don’t fit in to things, socially speaking. I don’t live in the right part of town. I wanted to relax and enjoy this because I don’t usually get to. It’s my last chance and my sister made me promise to try. But I shouldn’t have been mean to you and I’m sorry.” I apologize.

“Don’t apologize. It’s fine, whatever you do. I shouldn’t have been in your business. I should have just asked you to Prom.”

“Me?”

“I mean, if… if I wanted to be worried about you so much. I just didn’t… I wasn’t sure you’d say yes… to anyone. Especially to Cato… I mean he’s not even in our group of friends. You know? Anyway, you look phenomenal. Your sister was right. You should enjoy this night. Sorry I’ve been ruining it.” He tells me sincerely.

Aw. You’re not.

“Well, I wouldn’t say you ruined it. I’m enjoying myself right now. And I might have said yes if you had asked me, Peeta.”

I can’t meet his eyes after admitting that out loud. He lets go of my back and tips my chin up to make me look him in the eyes.

Those damned transcending blue eyes.

“Is it too late? To ask you out on a date I mean?” He asks smiling.

I here the words, but I can’t be sure I didn’t just make them up. He definitely looks serious and nervously nibbles the inside of his bottom lip.

“Can I cut in?” Cato asks sounding irritated and his eyes are glossy.

Damn.

“I… umm. Cato, I’m sorry we didn’t win like you had hoped.” I say not knowing what else to say.

“That’s okay, doll. How could you know, right?” He says but I sense something off about him.

I want to say, I don’t want to dance with him, so that I can stay right here in Peeta’s arms. But I feel obligated.

“I’ll just, see you later Katniss.” Peeta relents.

Though his eyes are asking me if I’m sure he should let go. I drop my hands and he lets go of me backing up a few steps. As he’s leaving, I think about the answer to his question.

No, it’s not too late. Ask me right now!

“Hey Peeta? No.” Is all I say and he smiles and nods.

“What was that about?” Cato asks as he starts walking me in the opposite direction.

The fact that I’d rather be with him.

“Oh, he just asked me a question. So I told him no.” I tell Cato hoping he doesn’t ask what the question was.

“Good, the answer was no, so he probably got the hint.” He says continuing to lead me away from everyone.

Only now he’s got an arm around my shoulder and is leaning slightly on me for support. We cut through a big group heading out the dance floor for a popular song.

“Where are we going?” I ask as we leave the gym, heading down the school hallway.

“I’m so upset about losing. I just want to get some air, if that’s okay?” He asks looking so sad.

Poor guy.

As cocky as he tries to act, it’s refreshing to see him humbled and vulnerable.

“Hey, it’s okay. Cato, you’re a really popular guy. I mean, you’ll be on dozens of pages in the yearbook and everyone will write about how awesome it was to know you.” I try to cheer him up.

He smiles at me and I notice his brow is full of sweat. If he’s not feeling well, maybe I can get him to call it an early night.

“I think it’s awesome to know you. Thank you for coming with me to prom. You look so hot in that dress. I just want to take it off you.” Cato admits slanting more into me as I struggle to hold him upright.

Okay. You must still be drunk.

“Whoa there, Tiger. That’s getting a little ahead of ourselves.” I caution.

I didn’t notice how far down the hall we’ve walked till now. I can barely hear the bass of the music.

“Katniss. I just feel such a connection with you.” He says as he starts kissing my neck.

Although it doesn’t feel bad, it doesn’t quite feel good either. He pushes me up against a wall. I put my hands up on his shoulders try to keep some space between us, but he slumps into me and he’s solid and heavy.

All right. How to let him down gently?

“Cato maybe… we… should go back to the rest of the-”

“Maybe you should shut the hell up. I think you should show my cousin the good time he deserves for bringing you to the prom. Even though you lost the crown for him.” It’s Snow.

Where the hell did he come from?

Snow is standing in a shadowy part of the hallway to the right of us. Cato stops kissing me but doesn’t loosen his grip on me.

“Hey! Let go. And what do you mean the good time he deserves? I’m going back to the gym. Cato! Let up!” I say as forcefully as I can while pushing Cato hard on the chest and arms, to no avail.

Snow walks closer to us.

Stay the hell away from me Creep!

“I really like you. Can’t you see that?” Cato asks distracting me, smiling with a scary look in his eyes.

To think, they are just as blue as Peeta’s. But they aren’t nearly as warm and beautiful.

Okay, Cato, let me loose. You like me, but I don’t like you that way.

“Getting all snugly with that Mellark asshole. Did he bring you to prom or did Cato?” Snow questions.

You’re an asshole!

I start getting scared for real. Surely these two idiots know that my friends will be looking for me. Then suddenly… without warning, Snow puts his hand over my mouth. I try to get away from Cato but he has my arms locked down and he’s too strong. I try to scream, but Snow has my mouth covered with some kind of cloth.

No! Get off me!

Cato picks me up and carries me into a room. The cloth, I realize is my runners up sash, is pushed far into my mouth, so every scream is muffled and makes me gag a little. They close the door and Snow stands outside of it. I hear the click as Cato locks it and the tears begin to fall down my face.

Fight him!

I’m kicking my feet as hard as I can, but Cato just keeps walking me over to a couch. When he puts me down I think I can try to kick him, but he sits on me faster than I thought he could move and grabs my wrists.

This isn’t happening…

Please…

This can’t be happening.

My eyes burn from makeup getting muddled with my tears. One of my eyes can’t fully open, and my jaw and throat ache from the gag and screaming. But that’s nothing to the way I hurt inside.

By the time he was done with me, I had passed out twice. Once from the pain and shock of him taking my virginity.

The second time was after I awoke to him moving above me. I tried to push him off me. I scratched him across the cheek, so he punched me hard in the face. Then he smothered my face with a nearby pillow.

I thought I died… I wanted to die… The odds weren’t in my favor.

He must’ve thought he killed me too, because now that I’m starting to wake, I hear voices.

“You weren’t supposed to kill her. Just show her a good time, you idiot! Now how are we gonna get her body out of here?”

Snow…

“I’m sorry! She got me good. Feisty bitch. I just saw the pillow and wanted her to be still, so that I could finish without her struggling.”

I’m gonna throw up.

“She was feisty wasn’t she? Damn Cuz.”

Then I hear laughing. Looking at my surroundings, I realize I’m in the teachers’ lounge. Tears threaten to fall, but I keep my breaths shallow so I don’t attract their attention.

It’s very dimly lit, but I see another door at the other end of the room, away from them. I carefully assess my injuries and decide it’s worth trying to make a run for it.

Snow has his back to me, and Cato is about to poke his head out of the closest door to look out into the hallway.

Katniss, it’s your only chance…

They’ll kill you to keep from going to jail!

Prim needs you…

Run…

Now!

“Hey! Get back here!”

Snow and Cato yell from somewhere behind me.

I’m so afraid that they will catch me. I just have to find someone… anyone. My feet feel like they’re made of lead, but I’m halfway back to the gym entrance and they haven’t overtaken me.

Please don’t catch me…

God, don’t let them catch me…

I’m shaking. My dress is ripped and bloody. I’m bare foot and bruised. I make it into the gym with only a smattering of people. I don’t see any adults.

Help me…

I scream, dropping to my knees.

Help…

Someone’s arms catch me before the rest of my body hits the floor.

I just want to be at home with Prim…

I wake in a hospital bed. I can hear machines beeping. I feel groggy. Looking through the window of the closed door, I see what look to be police outside the room and my mom is talking with them.

Mommy!

Where’s Prim?

I see Prim, sleeping in a chair next to my bed, her head resting on my arm. The other arm has tubes in it. I can see hand shaped purple and blue marks running up and down them.

“Katniss?” Peeta whispers from across the room.

Peeta?

He has tears in his eyes. His hair is disheveled. There’s a tear in his jacket. He’s got a bloody lip and scrapes on his face as well.

Peeta.

Does he know what happened?

Why is he hurt?

“Peeta? How? Are you okay?” I ask in a raspy hushed voice.

“Don’t worry about me. I’m sorry, Katniss, I’m so, so sorry. Can you forgive me?” He begs, his eyes glistening.

Forgive him?

He couldn’t have known this would happen?

He wasn’t even there.

“Peeta. You didn’t do this to me. I’m so stupid. I should have never been alone-” My voice catches on the last word and hot tears fall down my cheeks.

I try to control my breathing because it hurts when I take deep breaths.

“I wanted to ask you to the prom. I even asked your sister if you had a date. I even told her I was wearing orange. But I chickened out. If I hadn’t… or if I wouldn’t have let you go with…” He says a tear slipping down his cheek.

It was Peeta? Cato shouldn’t ever have even been my date. It should have been Peeta.

“Peeta. Please. It’s not your fault.” I plead with him to realize.

“He’s in jail. All they need is for you to confirm it was… to keep him there. But if you can’t… talk about… if you don’t want to… they can use DNA found… Oh God Katniss. I wanted to kill him. Finn, Thresh, and Blight… they had to… I almost didn’t stop hitting him.” He cries as he relives it and so do I.

I notice he won’t walk the four or five steps it would take to cross the room. And now that he mentions it, I notice the bandages wrapped around his knuckles that are bloody.

Oh Peeta.

Sweet, shy Peeta.

I did this to you.

“I’m glad they stopped you… because that’s not who you are.” I sniffle.

“He deserves to die. He deserves…”

“But you don’t deserve to go to jail because of my stupidity.” I say.

“You didn’t deserve… this. You don’t deserve to be here.” He says, tears falling.

He angrily wipes at them and looks down.

“Thank you. For… Thank you.” I struggle to get out.

“No. It’s ok. I’m just glad we caught him.” Peeta says.

Him?

Not them?

Snow!

“Peeta, there was another guy. Cato’s, cousin, I think. Snow? I don’t know his real name, but he helped him. He made sure no one came in from the hallway.” I relay, fresh tears forming.

Damn Snow! Would Cato even have done this had Snow not been there?

“Shit! I asked a guy if he’d seen anyone walk down the hall and he said that he hadn’t. I couldn’t even see his face that well, but I knew it wasn’t Cato because his suit was grey. Dammit! I didn’t think he had any reason to lie.” Peeta explains.

Peeta was looking for me.

“They… gagged me so I couldn’t yell for help.” I say looking away.

“I was so close. I could’ve stopped-”

“Don’t. You can’t blame yourself.” Prim speaks up.

How long has she been awake?

“Neither of you. I made Katniss go to Prom. I told her that you asked about her, but I didn’t know it was you and not Cato. Since you two look similar…” She trails off with tears falling down her cheeks.

They do look similar. But they are nothing alike.

My mom walks in, so Peeta excuses himself to let my friends in the waiting room know I’m awake. He stops on the way out to tell the police that the original statement he gave needed to be adjusted, pertaining to the guy he questioned in the hallway.

Mom comes over to me, and without saying a word, she just hugs me and cries. Prim cries and holds my hand and eventually we all calm down.

When police Officer Jackson and his partner Officer Holmes comes in, he asks me if I would feel more comfortable talking with a female detective.

Yes.

They also ask if I’d like for my mother and sister to leave. I ask for the woman detective, and I suggest for Prim to get some breakfast, since the sun has come up. She hesitantly does what I ask.

“Ask Peeta to take you, little duck.” Mom tells her.

A half hour later, Jackson, sends in a detective who introduces herself as Alma Coin. She is dressed in a black business suit and heels. Her hair is in an asymmetric black bob, with one streak of grey. I start at the beginning and tell her everything. She takes notes on everything I say.

“Okay, Miss Everdeen. Now, I don’t want to upset you any further, but I just need to be certain of the facts. Since we are talking about rape here. So, if I have this straight… you chose to go to prom with this boy, Cato Johnson? You willingly, and illegally, accepted alcohol from him? Although, you’re both below the legal drinking age? Then you say that you walked away from the dance with him… also, willingly. At that point he and his light blond haired cousin, whose real name you don’t know, and which no one else seems to recall seeing, at all, last night… gagged you and took you to the teachers’ lounge? Where Cato Johnson proceeded to assault and rape you. You lost consciousness, twice, then ran out, without them stopping you? Is that your statement?” Detective Coin asks.

She sounds like she doesn’t believe a word I’ve said.

Why would I make this up?

“Yes. I thought he was the guy my sister was trying to set me up with. I know it’s wrong to drink. I’ve never had more than a sip before, but I didn’t think he was a… bad… guy. He said… he said he’d look out for me. I didn’t realize how far away we were from the gym until… it was too late. Snow gagged me and stood watch outside the door. My friend Peeta saw Snow and talked to him when he noticed I went missing. Ask Peeta! I didn’t make him up! Cato… he smothered me. He thought he killed me. So when I saw the opportunity to try and run for my life, I took it. Thankfully, I had enough energy to make it back to where other people were, or I doubt they would have let me live!” I shout as much as my voice will allow.

I’m furious at her accusations.

Am I on trial here?

“This friend Pee-Ta Mel-Lark, is it? Is he the one who also beat Cato within inches of his life? Is Peeta a boyfriend you were trying to make jealous?” She asks.

What!

I’m shocked and angry. I hate this woman for accusing Peeta of doing anything wrong. My fists are clenched so hard that my hands are starting to hurt.

He was trying to save me.

“No!” I say shaking my head.

“Are you sure you didn’t just sleep with Cato, then make up a story so you wouldn’t have to look like the girl who got drunk and slept with a guy at school? It’s a common tale. You do realize he could go to jail for a very long time, don’t you Miss Everdeen?” Coin questions in her accusatory tone.

“My daughter… was rushed, to the hospital unconscious. You can see the bruises on her face… and on her arms. Katniss had a rape kit done on her. She was proclaimed by several credible doctors, to indeed be… raped! She needed stitches for heaven’s sake! She would never risk and innocent person’s life just to save her, reputation. This is the first time she’s ever even gone on a date, or to a school function… and she was a… a virgin until last night. So, this Cato son of a bitch needs to be castrated, and sentenced to life in prison. He can rot there for all I care. Now are you going to make sure that happens and catch his accomplice, cousin, before another poor girl gets hurt? Or should we ask for a detective who can do their job?” My mother yells at her through tears.

In that moment, I see her. My mother. The mom I knew before dad died.

Coin is visibly shaken by what my mom has just told her. She looks somewhere between angry that my mom spoke to her that way, and ashamed for overlooking my injuries.

“Asking the tough questions is my job but… I’m sorry if I offended you, Mrs. Everdeen. We have to ask to be sure. There are girls who make stories up, everyday.” Coin offers.

“Apologize to my daughter.” My mother says in a tone that states don’t fool with my family.

I shakily grab mom’s hand. She squeezes back gently.

“Please accept my apology, Miss Everdeen. You’ve clearly been through a lot. We will process Mr. Johnson, and officially charge him with rape. Unless he confesses though, there will be a trial. You may have to testify. He will be tried as a minor because he isn’t yet 18… so there is a slight chance he will not serve as much time as an adult would. I will do what I can to keep you informed of the progress on your case, but if you feel very strongly about having a new detective assigned to you, we can see to that.” Coin says and I don’t know how genuine her apology is, but she sounds like she’s telling the truth about the other things.

Trial?

Everyone looking at me…

Having to not only tell, but also… relive what happened to me?

I look to my mom. I think she can sense my apprehension… and the fact that this is all overwhelming.

“We appreciate that you’re job requires you to make sure. Please keep us informed.” My mom says coldly, and then walks Detective Coin out.

I don’t bother to say goodbye. I don’t like her.

I’m released from the hospital much later that day. When we arrive home, my mom gives me some pain medication. I settle myself on the couch to try and relax. I’m about to turn on the television when Prim snatches the remote.

“Prim, what are you-”

“You don’t wanna look at boring old TV. Let’s do something else.” She says looking guilty.

I can tell something is up with her. I ask where my phone is and she just shrugs. Then there’s a knock at the door.

“Is this The Everdeen home?”

“Are you her little sister… uh… Primrose, is it?”

“Do you have a statement?”

“Can you tell us the nature of the relationship between Katniss and her attacker before the rape?”

There is no break in between questions.

“What are you doing here?” Is all Prim can say before my mom runs over to the door.

She yells at them to leave. Then slams the door on the nine or so reporters with microphones, and cameramen from every local news channel. No wonder Prim didn’t want me to turn on the TV.

Prim is crying. Mom does her best to comfort her and sends her upstairs to rest. Then mom pulls out a business card from her purse and says that she’s going to call a lawyer. I’m so exhausted that I fall asleep.

“No! I have no statement. I don’t care if it is breaking news! I have a lawyer who informs me that if you aren’t at least a hundred yards away from my house, I can sue all of you for harassment. So scoot!” I wake to mom shouting out the door maybe an hour later.

We have a lawyer?

She turns to look my way, but I don’t want her to know that I’m awake. So I keep my eyes closed. I hear her light footfalls make there way over to me, before I feel the gentlest of kisses brush my forehead.

“I’m so sorry, sweetie. We are gonna get through this, together. I promise. I love you so much.” She whispers, and I feel her tears land on my arm.

As I hear her leave, tears of my own threaten to fall. I try to go back to sleep. That’s when the nightmares start.

The next morning, Gale comes home. For the first time since our fathers died, I see my best friend cry. He is so devastated that he wasn’t here to protect me. I tell him, and Madge tells him, that there wasn’t anything, that anyone, could’ve done.

But that’s not true… I could’ve done something different. Like, not gone to Prom with Cato, or just admitted I liked Peeta.

“Katniss, is there anything I can get you? Are you in pain?” Madge asks.

“Not right now. I just feel dumb. Like… I didn’t follow my own instincts. I’m so embarrassed.” I confess.

“Please don’t feel that way. More girls and women then you may realize are ra… umm, have this happen to them. It’s not your fault.” Madge says.

“Yes, but so many things could have prevented-” I start.

“Catnip, you are one of the strongest people I know. But you can’t control everything. I used to think there was a certain type of girl this happens to… but I was wrong. Guys who do this to women… are pigs. They obviously don’t care if you weak or strong. They don’t care if you’re a good girl. They just victimize people. It’s not your fault. Okay.” Gale says.

But…

“He’s right. You can’t keep chastising yourself. Thinking about what ifs. You just didn’t deserve this to happen to you, but it did.” My mom says coming out of nowhere.

She hasn’t been farther than ten feet from me since it happened.

“Just know, we’re all here for you, and we’ll help you get through this and move on.” She finishes.

My victims advocate’s name is Haymitch Abernathy. He is… Well he seems like, a surly, old drunk, to be honest. He’s won my mom over somehow, but I’m skeptical of his abilities as a lawyer. He is working with the D.A., since Cato is being prosecuted by the state of California.

The District Attorney is Caesar Flickerman. Caesar is not your typical looking or acting D.A. He seems to be interested in the publicity this case will bring. His assistant, Claudius Templesmith, is just as peculiar.

The next week is hectic. On Monday I’m carted off to the police station. They sent me to a sketch artist. The drawing was released to other precincts and to the media. So basically, as of now, the police have no leads to Snow’s whereabouts. Then we go to the lawyer’s office. The nightmares happen as soon as I close my eyes.

Tuesday, we go to the hospital to check on my injuries. It’s awful, because not only do I have to have my outer injuries assessed, but my inner ones as well. My mom leaves me in a room, so she can to talk to a doctor. A nurse comes in and even though the doctor already checked, she makes me lie back and put my feet in those foot stirrups I hate, again. But whatever she does, doesn’t hurt thank goodness. I feel like the humiliation isn’t ever going to end.

I also get sent to speak with a psychiatrist. Dr. Jones. I don’t much care for her because she strongly feels that I should be put on possible, dependency forming medication, with side effects that I’m not willing to deal with.

That night, the Hawthorne’s and Mason’s come over and cook a big dinner. I try to enjoy it but twice, when one of the boys goes to reach for salt or a napkin, I freak out and jump completely out of my skin. I head to bed early claiming I’m tired because I’m ashamed that my friends scare me.

Wednesday it’s off to the lawyer’s office again. The only good thing about this day is Haymitch suggests a psychologist that I actually do like. He offers me some methods that help even after just one session.

Then Thursday, back to the dreaded hospital.

Haymitch has been driving us to all these appointments, in his Bentley, because it has tinted windows. We are trying to keep the reporters off our scent.

The gist of the entire running around is, Cato is in jail, awaiting trial without bail. They questioned everyone from Prom that night. No one remembered seeing Snow, but many students remember the same thing I did. About a white haired kid being teased when we were younger.

I try to listen to what all these people tell me, but I tend to zone out a little.

The only thing I pay attention to at the hospital, is the results of my Sexually Transmitted Disease tests. I’m clean of everything.

Thank you, God!

That was the third time my mom cried that day, but finally, they are mostly happy tears.

Friday, our last stop is to the school to get my stuff and to pick up the work I’ll be doing at home for the rest of the year. I won’t be finishing my last month in school. But I can graduate with everyone, if I choose to walk across the stage.

I’m in the parking lot of the school. I can see a legion of reporters crowded around out front. They inexplicably found out our next stop.

We’ve evaded them for most of this week. It looks like the principle anticipated the ruckus and called all of the school’s security guards, and the police, to keep them at bay.

The barricades are set up out front so the side entry is the route we go in. Once inside the gates, I’m almost brought to tears. There, standing in front of, what looks to be the entire school, is Prim’s smiling face.

Next to her are Rue, Peeta, Finn, Annie, Delly, Thom, BeeTee, and Wiress. All holding a huge paper sign that says; “Katniss, We love and miss you!”

The principle, and my favorite teacher, Mrs. Atala, walk over to me to hand me my work and hug me tight. I didn’t know this many people even knew who I was.

They say a few nice things about how brave I am and what an inspiration to other rape victims I’ve become.

I don’t feel very inspirational.

They dismiss the students for the rest of the day. Mom speaks with my teachers about the work I’ll need to complete in order to graduate. So, I take the opportunity to slip away to my locker.

“Hey.” Peeta approaches me timidly.

“Hi.” I say, feeling grateful to see his face.

I feel like I can never repay Peeta for what he tried to do for me.

I owe him.

“How are you feeling? I mean, are you… you’re probably tired of answering that question huh?” He asks intuitively.

“Yeah, but I’m getting better. And you can ask me anything, Peeta. I just don’t like answering when people don’t really care.” I clarify.

He nods in understanding. Behind him my friends are all approaching.

“Katniss, can I hug you?” Wiress comes up and asks sweetly; with unshed tears in her eyes.

I shake my head yes and it turns into a dog pile hug of my three best girlfriends. Finnick, Thom, and BeeTee are standing nearby with sad smiles. No doubt, Thom told them how jumpy I’ve been in male company as of late, so they are respectfully keeping some distance.

“We were so worried about you.” Annie says crying.

“Sorry. I’m glad you guys are… here.” I say, trying not to wince as they squeeze my sore arms and torso.

I should never have left my friends that night.

“You are stuck with us. You got that?” Delly adds sniffling.

They let go and wipe their eyes. They tell me about their week, mostly about classes and home. They avoid the media coverage and they don’t ask me about anything too personal.

Thankfully no one mentions how my eye is still a little bruised. Prim tried to convince me to put makeup on. But I don’t see the point.

“How you holding up Catnip?” I’m surprised to see Gale at the school.

“Okay. Have you met the crew?” I ask.

He already knew most of my friends from when he went to school here. And he knows Thom from the neighborhood. But he shakes hands with all the rest. When he gets to Peeta he pulls him into a bear hug. Peeta looks shocked.

“First, you win over Posy. Then… well, you’re alright in my book, Mellark.” Gale says letting him go.

“Thanks, I feel like I should’ve done more.” Peeta says sadly.

“They’ll get what’s coming to them, don’t you worry. I’ll catch you all later.” Gale says, squeezing my shoulder once and leaving to go see one of his siblings.

“Let us know if you need study buddies and we could have some sleep-overs.” Delly volunteers.

There’s only about a month left of school, so the work should be fairly easy? I can tell they all just want to help me feel normal.

“That sounds great. How about Sunday?” I say trying my hardest to smile.

They all hug me one by one. Even the boys once I tell them it’s okay. Leaving Peeta as the last embrace, and I almost cry again. I feel so much safer in his arms. I just keep kicking myself for leaving them that night, for leaving him that night.

“If you need anything… ever… and I mean, ever. You find me. Okay?” He says in my ear.

I nod and wipe the few stray tears off his face and mine. We stand there a minute, staring into each other’s eyes… I think he wants to say something else, but he doesn’t.

Click!

“Oh, that one is my screensaver. I mean, if that’s okay?” Prim asks.

She took a picture on her phone. I have a flash back of that night having our picture taken while dancing. But then a blurred shadowy figured is in the background watching. I clutch Peeta’s shoulders tighter shying away from where the phantom figure would be.

“Prim?” I scold.

"No, it’s fine. I should be used to it by now. At least I know where that one’s gonna end up. There are news reporters at school everyday. They started as soon as it got released that I… "found” you that night, or because I fought Cato. I’m not sure which. They take pictures of me coming out of the house. Going to work. My mom is actually kinda happy that the bakery is on TV. It draws people in. But, they’re really everywhere.“ Peeta tells us.

"Peeta, you found me? I thought I ran away.” I ask confused.

“You did. You ran into the gym, screamed, and collapsed. I was just the first to… to see you, so I just caught you before you completely hit the ground. Delly called the ambulance. Finnick put his jacket under your head. We put Thom’s jacket over you, and then, when I saw Cato walk into the gym with scratches on his cheek. I sort of blacked out. I remember being on top of Cato hitting him in his face over and over. When they pulled me off of him… you were already gone. I didn’t see you again until the hospital. I was so scared that you didn’t make it.” Peeta confirms.

“Thank you. I’m so sorry they won’t leave you alone. My lawyer… Uh, Haymitch Abernathy should be able to help with that. He can get like a restraining order or something. From your house and the bakery. Unless your mom wants them there.” I say.

My lawyer can handle that? Ugh! I sound so pretentious.

“God sorry. My mom must sound like some sort of huge capitalist. She is really sorry about what happened. Even though she gave me an earful for interfering the way I did. But my Dad and brothers are proud of me. So… and I’m gonna shut up now.” He says.

“No, it’s fine really. I’d much rather them be at the bakery, then following my every move, if you guys don’t mind.” I respond.

“Ok, Sweetheart. Time to go.” Haymitch says walking up to us.

“Oh ok. Haymitch, this is Peeta Mellark. Peeta, Haymitch. He needs some help with the paparazzi stalking him.” I explain.

“Here you go kid. Call my office.” Haymitch says, handing Peeta his card.

“Uh, thanks.” Peeta says.

“Bye, Peeta.” Prim says hugging Peeta before walking away.

“Peeta, sweet boy. See you later.” My mom tells him while putting one hand on his cheek, earning a small smile from him.

“Bye Katniss.”

“Bye Peeta.” I say, before turning to leave.

A few days later I’m in Haymitch’s office. We’re going over my testimony for the trial when Peeta walks in.

“Good. You’re here.” Haymitch barks.

“Hey Katniss. How are you?” Peeta greets me.

“Okay and you?” I reply.

“Not bad.” He shoots me a, not quite as bright as usual, Peeta Mellark smile.

We go over every possible scenario. We learn pretty quickly that Peeta doesn’t need much coaching. He’s natural and charming. When he speaks, he looks honest and confident. Haymitch says I have a permanent scowl.

I’m a little jealous.

“Okay. I’ll be the defense. Answer the questions.” Haymitch says.

“Okay.”

“So, Why did you go with him away from everyone, down the hall?” He asks.

“I was thinking he just needed consoling after losing Prom King.” I state.

“And it never occurred to you, the kind of consoling he wanted to do with you?” Haymitch asks aggressively.

Bastard!

“Of course it did! I knew what he and his buddy were up to! I couldn’t wait to be gagged, beaten, and nearly killed!” I yell breathing too hard.

“Not gonna win anybody over with that mouth, Sweetheart.” Haymitch challenges.

“Just be yourself Katniss. The people on the jury are on your side… because you’re telling the truth. They want justice to be served. So don’t be nervous. Just pull from the same courage you used to get out of that room.” Peeta tells, me rubbing my shoulders arms softly.

I nod and take a deep breath. Even though I feel like I suck at this, after another hour of practicing, I finally improve by leaps and bounds.

“Damn, kid. You’re good. You want a job here?” Haymitch cackles at Peeta.

As we’re leaving, I thank Peeta again for his help. We sit down on a bench outside of Haymitch’s office, and he produces a bag of pastries from the bakery.

Mmm cheese buns.

“Oh, thank you Peeta. Prim is gonna be so happy.” I say and so am I.

“It’s no big deal. Can I ask you something?” Peeta inquires.

“Sure.”

“Are you sleeping okay?” He asks, and then looks down at the ground.

“Did Annie tell you about my nightmares? It’s… they’re nothing… really.” I deny.

“Oh. No. Annie didn’t say anything. I… I’ve been having bad dreams.” He admits.

I’m shocked. I thought it was just me, and I don’t admit it to anyone. Here Peeta is, trusting me with this information.

“I… I dream about not being able to breathe and not being able to use my hands. I also dream that Prim is in danger. She kinda is, really with Snow still out there. I’ve been made to go see a therapist. Dr. Aurelius. He says it’s normal to have some post-traumatic stress after… traumatic things happen to us. Maybe that’s what you are experiencing.” I offer.

“Well, in most of my dreams I’m running. I’m frantically trying to find you. I’m pushing through every door. I check every person I run into, but they are all the same person. They’re all Snow. They all have on the same grey suit, but I can’t see their face. And then I tackle someone. I’m punching the unknown person in the face and there’s… so much blood. And then I see that it’s Cato I’ve been punching, but he’s smiling… and there’s nothing wrong with his face. And I just feel like… I’ve failed. I fail you every time.” Peeta says and he’s sweating a little by the time he’s done reliving his nightmare.

Poor Peeta.

I wasn’t the only one severely altered by the events of that night.

“Peeta. I’m so sorry. I’m safe now. I’m all right now. And I need you to be ok, too. If you ever wake up and need to, call me. Just do it. Okay? I don’t care if it’s the middle of the night.” I plead pulling him into a hug.

“Okay.” He whispers in my hair.

Peeta decides he’ll also start seeing Dr. A.

He calls me that night around 2:00 am, and we talk about everything. From hobbies, family, our dislikes and favorite things. Over the next few weeks it becomes routine. We call each other every night.

Many times we fall asleep on the phone. Once I even wake up in the morning, and realize that we never hung up. When I put the phone to my ear… I say hello, and he answers. We laugh for what seems like the longest time, for the first time, since Prom.

Slowly, it feels like we’re starting to heal.

“Katniss, I’m sorry I was so dismissive when you and Wiress tried to ask me about Glimmer.” He tells me one night, over the phone, after waking from a nightmare.

I’ve got him on speaker so I have both hands free. I stop mid swipe of the toenail polish I’m applying to my pinky toe.

“Peeta, you don’t have to apologize for anything. I’m the one who should be apologizing.”

“No way. You’ll never have to apologize to me.” He says yawning.

“Never? Even if I… ate all the cheese buns in your store and didn’t pay?” I joke.

“No apology needed.”

“Even if I, told everyone how much you still love the Teletubbies?”

Tinkie-Winkie, Dipsy, La La, Po.

“Kat, I told you that in confidence. That would suck. But… no you still wouldn’t need to apologize.” He grumbles.

“What if I drank all of your unsweetened tea at lunch and the restaurant was all out?”

“So there’s only sweet tea left in the restaurant?” He asks.

“In all the restaurants, everywhere.” I state dramatically.

“Umm, no you still don’t have to apologize. I’ll drink water. And don’t say there’s no more water.”

We laugh.

“Okay, okay. If I crash your car?” I ask.

“Nope, don’t have one. No apologizes necessary.”

“Peeta, when you get a car, you’ll be singing a different tune.”

“Nope.”

“How about… set your favorite apron on fire.”

“I wouldn’t even be mad. I’d be impressed you found the kitchen.” He teases. “Still no apology needed.”

“Hardy har-har. But what if I stopped eating gluten, Master Baker? Huh?”

“I’d make you gluten-free bread. Duh.”

“Ugh, I would need to say sorry at some point, for something. So out with it, Mellark. Tell me so I’m aware of my limits.”

“I can’t think of one thing. Oh, except if you never sang again I’d be pretty sad, so you’d need to apologize to the world.”

“How did you- When have you hear me sing?”

“In first grade. Actually, might’ve been kindergarten.”

I’m giggling. Clearly he’s delirious.

“What? What was I singing?” I ask skeptical of his memory.

“I don’t know? Some song about a valley or tree. Whatever it was, you sounded amazing. And all the birds outside even stopped to listen. I new then.”

I’m so shocked by what he’s telling me, I’ve given up on my second set of toenails and can barely screw the lid closed. The song he’s recalling, my dad used to sing to us. I don’t know how he remembers that.

“What did you know then?” I ask taking him off speaker and holding the phone to my ear.

Light snores float through the phone.

“Goodnight, Peeta.”

Five weeks have gone by since the night of the Prom. The trial is beginning. It feels like a circus, until Judge Paylor sends every reporter and journalist out of the courtroom.

My family and friends are here. According to my team, it’s a clear, cut and dry case. Haymitch convinces D.A. Flickerman to hit Cato with rape of a minor and attempted murder. There are opening statements from both sides. Then they present the evidence.

“Her blood alcohol content was only 0.020. You can legally operate a vehicle at 0.050. When arrested, that scumbag had a BAC of 0.080 and he was on high ecstasy!” Flickerman yells as a counter to Cato’s attorneys claim that I was drunk and wanted to be with him.

There are testimonies from Prom chaperones, and medical examiners from the hospital I was brought to.

“I was appalled to see the damage done to Miss Everdeen. She couldn’t open her right eye. Her jaw was fractured. She had a bruised windpipe, and larynx. Her Sat O levels we’re alarmingly low. Which means she wasn’t getting enough air. She had two cracked ribs and many others that were bruised. She had so many hand shaped bruises all over her neck, arms, thighs and especially her wrists. I’m surprised she was able to get away. She was close to death when she arrived.” Dr. Octavia relayed to the court.

The photos are hard on the girls. Annie takes Prim and Rue out of the courtroom crying. Wiress and Delly just hold onto each other. There’s a stenographer typing quietly away while everyone speaks. I see her tear up twice. Even most of the jury had tears in their eyes. I hold my mom’s hand. And Peeta hold’s my other under the table.

Peeta is called to the stand when we get to the subject of Snow.

“So you saw a suspicious looking guy in the hall while you were looking for your friend… and nothing told you to get close enough to see his face?” The opposing lawyer asks Peeta.

“My friends and I noticed Katniss was no longer in the gym. We split up to look for her. I knew she wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye to us. Some of our group went to the parking lot to see if they were outside. Cato’s car was still there. I asked a few kids at the dance if they’d seen what direction she went in. Something told me to check the hallway even though it was dimly lit down there. I saw a guy in the hallway and he was leaned up against a locker. The way he stood, left his face just out of the light. I asked him if he’d seen Katniss, or anyone, but he said that nobody had been down the hallway. I was just so frantic to find her that I didn’t want to waste time talking to anyone who didn’t have information about Katniss. I knew Cato had her. I just had to get to her.” Peeta tells everyone.

“You say you knew Cato had her? Is it possible you were maybe jealous, of the fact that Cato was there with Katniss, instead of you? That maybe she wanted to sleep with him?” The lawyer accuses.

“Objection, your honor! Leading the witness.” Haymitch yells.

“Sustained. Counselor stop leading the witness.” Judge Paylor says.

“Okay. Ok, so you say that you knew Cato had her. Please tell us how.”

“I suppose I couldn’t have known for sure. But I knew something was wrong. Cato just struck me as not a good guy. We play football together and he’s selfish, and has a temper.” Peeta explained.

“No further questions Your Honor.”

At one point they tried to charge Peeta with assault against Cato but the Judge threw it out for wasting her time. Calling it “A fight between teenage boys, with more pressing matters at hand”.

And finally, they put me on the stand. Dr. A has made me push through telling the horrible memories and face my fears. So I’m prepared for this day.

“Can you tell us what made you run when you did?” Caesar Flickerman asks.

“I overheard… Snow say that… that they would have to get rid of my… body because Cato thought he’d killed me. I wanted to be dead but… but I had my sister to think about. I had to protect her from people like them. I didn’t want anything to happen to her or any other girl those two might do this to. If I died no one would know what monsters they were.” I say angrily.

“Well, thank you Katniss. You sure are brave.” Caesar says to me. “Your witness, Counselor.”

“Miss Everdeen, you say that you wanted to console my client because you didn’t win Prom King and Queen. Did you feel like you owed him something?”

“Well, no. I just felt bad because he seemed to want it so badly. If I had known Ca- he was on drugs I would never have walked anywhere with him. Up until then I had my misgivings about him, but he’d been a gentleman and showed me kindness. I never thought… that he would take advantage of me being kind back.” I answer choking up.

I look to Peeta because he helped me with the wording of my answers so I wouldn’t breakdown in front of all these people.

“Mmm, hmm. And so your kindness was to drug him and then claim rape, after you slept with him?” He accuses.

I wasn’t prepared for that.

The whole courtroom is up in arms screaming at the lawyer.

“She is the victim, you ass-hat!” Gale yells.

“Douché bag! Of course has a douché bag lawyer!” I hear Finnick bellow.

“Bullshit!” Thom says.

“Yeah. Leave her alone!” Prim’s voice is muddled in with the Boo’s that are being yelled throughout the courtroom.

“This is outrageous!” Caesar yells.

“Order! I will have order in this courtroom! Order!” Judge parlor smacks the gavel repeatedly and I feel a migraine coming on.

“Your honor, my client maintains that he was drugged unwillingly and unbeknownst to him.”

“I object. She did not drug the defendant. Where would she have gotten drugs?” Caesar points out.

The two lawyers are facing off, getting closer to the bench.

“I don’t know, maybe her real boyfriend. Mr. Mellark is a very popular guy. They could’ve concocted this whole elaborate ruse to-“

“Oh, shut the hell up, Crane! You know my client is innocent of any wrongdoing. That’s all hearsay, your honor. Miss. Everdeen and Mr. Mellark’s friendship is not on trial here.” Haymitch throws out.

“Abernathy, language!” Judge Paylor warns.

I look at Cato who’s smirking, and he puckers his lips at me, like he’s blowing me a kiss.

I start to cry, and I’m having a hard time breathing. Just as I’m about to get up, Peeta stands up and I freeze. My mom is pulling at his sleeve. But he ignores her and grabs the tissue box near the end of the table.

Everyone making noise and yelling and the Judge telling the bailiffs to get the crowd under control, all stop. It all stops and Peeta quietly and slowly hands the tissue box to me.

“It’s okay Kat. Just breathe.” He tells me taking one of my hands.

I nod and we take two deep breaths. We share a small smile and just as calmly, he goes as sits back down.

No one makes a sound.

“Thank you Mr. Mellark. Miss Everdeen can you continue?” The Judge asks me.

I nod my confirmation.

“Crane, overruled. Anymore outburst from anyone will be held accountable.” Paylor states.

“Miss Everdeen, did you enjoy yourself with my client at all the evening in question?” Crane asks me.

“I did, until they announced the Prom court.” I answer honestly.

“What changed?”

“I- I left like he was disappointed and angry, but also sad. I didn’t want to finish the date with him, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings after he’d just been let down. But after we started walking down the hall and I realized he was off, I now know he was probably high, I started feeling less sad for him and more worried about his health.” I explain.

“Why didn’t you call for help?”

“I was about to when Snow came and not only startled me, but accused me of being a bad date and essentially, leading my date on.” I spit.

“And were you? Leading him on?”

“I… no. I didn’t-“

“When you said and I quote, “Something changed.” and, you didn’t want to finish the date. Isn’t it Peeta Mellark what changed your mind about my client?” Crane asks.

“Objection, putting words in her mouth.” Caesar claims.

“You don’t have to answer that. How about after you danced with Mr. Mellark, huh? Isn’t that when you decided you were no longer interested in Mr. Johnson?” Crane asks.

“Peeta is my friend. He was concerned and he looks out for me, like all my friends do. I should’ve trusted my own instincts and said no to the date in the first place, and then again not to drink alcohol with Cato, and finally not to leave Peeta’s side to appease Cato’s wounded ego. You can act like that’s inappropriate or leading behavior if you’d like. But no matter who it is in your life, when you find someone who makes you feel safe, you’d rather be near them, than with people who don’t.” I look at Cato who isn’t smirking anymore. “I should’ve told you I didn’t feel the same way about you as you did me. And yes it took me well into the date to realize that. But I never told you, you could have a piece of me just because you were nice for a couple of hours. No means no. And not saying anything doesn’t mean yes.”

The tears are openly falling now and although I feel embarrassed and vulnerable, I don’t feel like he can victimize me anymore. He doesn’t hold any power over me. I will never let him hurt me or someone else again.

The defense didn’t want to put Cato on the stand, probably because he was guilty, Haymitch had quipped. But Caesar put him on and asked about Snow.

“I don’t know what she’s talking about, I never had anyone grab her. I don’t know this Snow and she wanted to hook up. I mean, I don’t remember much. Because I, uh, think someone spiked my drink. But, she was kissing me all night and I thought we were good together.” Cato stares in my direction lying his ass off.

The real clincher was when three girls from our school and two from another school in our district, came forward on either the news or as actual character witnesses Caesar put on the stand. All of the girls stated they’d either been inappropriately propositioned or touched by Cato in some way by him.

One girl in particular stated that Cato took her to the very teachers lounge I was assaulted in. He began telling her that he was an office aid and could do whatever he wanted at school. Then he started kissing her and when things were going too far for her, he wouldn’t let her up. If it wasn’t for it being during school hours and another aid trying to come in trough the locked door, she felt certain he would’ve gotten what he wanted whether she wanted to or not.

The defense had a field day with how convenient the timing was for these girls to show up now that it could land them on TV. But the girl’s testimony about the teachers lounge matched up with rumors about Cato getting caught in the teacher’s lounge that many other people could and would testify to.

Cato Johnson is found guilty on all counts. He is tried as an adult because his 18th birthday was only three days away.

The day we are scheduled to hear the sentencing, I wake up emotionally drained, exhausted from lack of sleep, and nauseous. I call Peeta.

“It’s ok just keep breathing. It’s almost over, then you never have to see him again.” Peeta reassures me.

“I know but Snow’s still out there somewhere.” I say feeling more and more queasy.

“Katniss, I will never let him hurt you again. You understand that?” Peeta promises.

“Yes but- Ugh…” I start but drop the phone… to vomit. After emptying my stomach, rinsing my mouth and picking up the phone, I hear Peeta yelling.

“Katniss! Are you ok? Should I call the police? Where’s your mom? Katni-”

“It’s okay. I had to throw up. I guess I’m nervous. I’ll see you at the courthouse.” I say.

“You sure? I could come over and-”

“No it’s alright. And thanks Peeta.” I say still feeling sick.

When Judge Paylor announces the Twenty-year sentence, in a state penitentiary, Cato cries. His father isn’t there. I heard he isn’t really in his life. His mother cries but holds her new husband, for support. Cato’s own Stepfather was a character witness against him. Stating Cato is an angry person. Who does drinks too much, smoke weed and has a problem with authority.

Most people, like Cesar Flickerman and Claudius Templesmith, look pleased with the sentence. My mom and Prim hug me as Peeta shakes Haymitch’s hand. When they take Cato away in hand cuffs, he looks into my eyes and all I see is hate.

Ugh! I must have the flu.

I haven’t told anyone about the throwing up or that it’s happened every morning since the sentencing. Not even Peeta. I see my graduation cap sitting on my bed and hope that I can make it through the ceremony without the rest of my breakfast making a reappearance.

“Katniss, can I borrow a pad?” Prim yells from the bathroom.

“Yeah, help yourself. They’re under the sink.” I call out.

“Thaaanks sis. You’re a lifesaver. Wait, is this the same box we bought you from…”

It takes me about thirty seconds to realize my sister is confused because, I shouldn’t have that many left.

Oh My God!

No! NO!

“Kat-” My sister stops in her tracks when she sees that I am slumped to the floor and hysterical.

“What’s wrong? Mooooom!” Prim yells and sits next to me on the floor putting her arms around me.

“Prim, what is it?” Mom says bursting into my room.

“I don’t know she… she just started crying and, I don’t know.” Prim cries.

I realize the gasps and wailing are coming from me and I pound the ground with my fist.

“No honey! Hold on to us! Breathe, Katniss!” Mom says grabbing my hands and hugs me tight to keep me from flailing round. “Prim what happened right before this? Did she see something or someone?”

“I don’t know. I was in the bathroom. I just asked her for a pad. I thought it was weird that she still has the same box we bought her from that day at the hospital. No one was here but me, mom.” Prim explains.

My sobs are a little quieter now.

Does she know?

“I see. Oh, Prim can you get your sister some Tylenol and a glass of water?” Mom asks efficiently sending her away.

“M…m… Mom! Mom? Why?” I bawl.

“Oh sweetie, I was afraid of this. I just thought maybe… maybe the odds were in our favor. I’m so sorry. It’s going to be okay. We can do, whatever you want to do. I know you planned on going to school and you have dreams and goals and. And… you don’t have to keep it. Or… or maybe we can find a good home…” She says trying to comfort me but actually causing renewed vigor to my tears.

I can’t be a mother right now!

How can I possibly carry that monster’s child?

Could I live with the decision to kill it?

Could I give a baby that’s half me, away?

Would I only see its father every time I look at it?

“You don’t have to decide today. You are graduating today. Try to focus on that and we’ll deal with this tomorrow, okay baby?” She says tears now falling down her cheeks.

At graduation, I’m a wreck. But I try to do what my mom asks and put it away until tomorrow. I walk across the stage and as I grab the hand of Mrs. Atala, I look into the sea of smiling faces for my family. I see someone in the crowd, a familiar face. Snow’s face… And then it’s black.

When I come too, Peeta, my mom, and two of the faculty are fanning programs in front of me. They’ve pulled me behind the stage. So they can continue the program.

“Katniss?” I hear my name.

He’s out there!

“Katniss, can you hear me?” Peeta calls gently.

Peeta, he came back! What does he want?

“Please wake up sweetie.” Mom sounds close tears again.

Someone stop him!

“S… Sn… Snow.” I say softly, feeling dizzy.

“Snow? It’s June honey.” A teacher says.

“Peeta, Snow is here.” I say again groggy but determined not to let him get away.

“Where, Katniss? In the crowd?” Peeta asks angrily.

I knew he would believe me.

I nod yes and try to sit up. Peeta takes off running. My mom finally connecting the dots gets her phone, to call the police.

Peeta searches the crowd but never sees anyone with white hair. I explain what happened to the police. They have to continue the rest of the ceremony. There are too many people to stop and question.

Bastard! He got away again!

“He knew he could slip in and out of this crowd. He just wants to scare you Katniss. Don’t worry. Okay?” Peeta tries to reassure me.

Then against everyone’s advice, I opt to not go to the hospital and stay after, to take pictures and say goodbye to some friends.

Marvel got a scholarship to a school in Arizona. Blight is joining the military. Navy, I think. Thresh is going to college in here California but closer to Los Angeles.

Finnick is going to take a year off to travel Europe. Fully funded by his wealthy parents. Somehow, Annie’s guardian, her grandmother, whom we call Mags, is letting her go with Finn, or maybe because Mags totally loves him.

BeeTee and Wiress both being brainiacs, got accepted to Harvard. But they both turned them down to go to MIT. Which I think is funny and sad, seeing as how both schools are in Boston, but that means that they are both going so far away.

Thom got a full ride to Howard University. He’s the first one in his family to go to college. He’s planning on joining the Omega Psi Phi or “Q Dogs” as he calls them. It has been his dream since he was little to go there.

Howard is in D.C. six hours from where Delly is supposed to go. Her SAT’s scores were one of the highest in the county. We are all very proud. It’s Delly’s parents that want her to go to Yale. She also got accepted to Brown, Duke, and Howard.

She tried to convince her parents to let her go to Howard, but they said absolutely not. They said that she wasn’t going to follow her high school crush, to a “black college” to throw her life away.

Delly’s dad yelled at her to grow up and do as she’s told. She told them Thom is not her crush. He’s her soul mate and they were going to find a way to be together, there’s nothing they could do to stop her.

Peeta told me he applied to several schools. Got accepted to his third and fourth choice, both out of state. But he said that he really wants to take over his family’s bakery someday. So he thinks he might just go to school for business at a local school and stay close to home.

I have to admit, I was selfishly glad to hear this at first. I guess, I really thought that one day, when we were better, maybe he would ask me on that date. He said he would but now that I’m in the situation I find myself. Part of me hopes he’ll go away to school and find a nice girl. I feel like no matter what I choose to do about this baby. It’s like I’m damaged goods and as much as I was trying to forget that. I can’t. And Peeta deserves better.

Then again maybe I should leave. I’m always going to be known here, as the girl who was raped at her Prom. I feel so exposed here.

Vulnerable.

Stupid.

Weak.

Things I never thought I was.

Haymitch get’s a call from his friend at the police, saying that they’re doing what they can to look for Snow. He doesn’t want me alone for the rest of the night, just to be safe.

After saying goodbye to all my other friends, Peeta invites us to eat dinner with his family. I’m not sure if we should, but after the long day, I am really hungry.

We go to a restaurant in Peeta’s part of town. I worry it is too expensive but, Haymitch tells us it’s taken care of on the drive there.

“Call it a graduation gift, Sweetheart.” The old man mumbles.

We meet Peeta’s dad and mom and two brothers. Apparently, my mom and Peeta’s dad knew each other in high school. Peeta’s mom doesn’t say much but she seems pleasant enough.

His brothers are very nice and joke with Prim and Peeta about having the same true blue eyes. Peeta’s oldest brother Graham has light brown eyes like his mother. And the middle Mellark, Ryan, has a lighter blue-grey ones like Peeta’s dad.

I’m pretty quiet. I’m still a little freaked out by this morning’s revelation and then seeing Snow’s face. I don’t eat all my food. I excuse myself to the bathroom.

In the bathroom, after washing my hands, I bump into Peeta’s mom.

“Oh, hey Mrs. Mellark. Sorry, I didn’t see you.” I say apologetically.

“It’s fine. You and my son have become very close friends.” She says.

I’m not sure if it’s meant to be a question or a statement. So I just smile and shrug.

“Yes… he… he’s been there for me through all of this and I hope that he knows how much I appreciate him… for all he’s done.” I try to relate.

“Yes. He is a sweet boy and generous to a fault. I just hope… if you’re his friend… you wouldn’t try to hold him back, now would you?” She asks.

“No, I would never… what do you mean?” I ask.

I’m so confused. Did he say something?

“Peeta needs to fulfill his destiny. He should be going to school. But I fear that he is so worried about you. You see, I don’t think he wants to leave you, maybe out of some sense of obligation. And I’m sure you had things you wanted to do, before this unfortunate event. So I just think, if you truly care about him. Like I think you do, you’d tell him to live his life to it’s full potential. As if he would’ve before… this. So you can both go on and find happiness. You understand, right dear?” Mrs. Mellark tells me.

She has the tone you use to tell your kids their goldfish died.

He doesn’t want to leave me?

But I’d be holding him back.

Does he feel obligated to me?

My head is spinning. I guess I’ve been rationalizing the same things she’s telling me. But I find myself already missing Peeta from my life.

I wish I could go back…

Back in time and tell Cato no to Prom…

And that Peeta would’ve asked me instead.

And that we… we…

Oh, who am I kidding?

I’d still be from the wrong side of the tracks.

I’ll always be holding Peeta back.

“I understand. I just want Peeta to be happy.” I answer.

“I always knew you were a good girl. Thank you for being such a good friend to my boy, looking out for his best interest. You have to find your destiny too.” She says and hugs me but I feel like I might cry.

My destiny?

I don’t think I have one anymore.

I let go and walk back to the table and whisper to my mom I’d like to go soon.

“Hey everything ok?” Peeta asks me quietly outside the restaurant.

“Uh… Yeah I. I’m fine just tired and.” I trail off not knowing what else to say.

“Ok. Well can I text you later? I was hoping we could talk alone but, with everyone here.” He says quieter and smiles.

I’ve come to crave that smile.

It brightens my day like few things can.

“Okay just wait till nine. I should be home by then.” I whisper not looking him in the eyes.

I want to tell him goodbye then. It’s better if I let him go with a clean break. But I can’t deny him anything. I owe him too much. And I know it’ll start a conversation we shouldn’t have in front of everyone.

Peeta hugs me before I leave and I hold on for a little too long.

“You sure you’re alright?” He asks softly in my ear.

I’m gonna miss you.

Your safe hugs.

Your kind eyes.

Your friendship.

“Yeah. I’m good just tired like I said.” I lie.

When Haymitch drops us off he says a black and white is patrolling the area. And if we hear anything suspicious don’t hesitate to call the police or him.

We thank him again and say goodnight. I go to my room and right on time, I get a text from Peeta.

Peeta- Hey so thanks for coming to dinner. I know it was a stressful day.

Katniss- More than you realize. But it’s no problem. I liked your family.

Peeta- Thank you for saying that. So I’ve been thinking a lot about what to do now that I’m out of high school. How about you?

Without even thinking, I text…

Katniss- I’m going away to school soon.

Peeta- Really?

Katniss- Yeah, I got accepted to a music school. I write music. Well I used to. And I need to get away from this town and everyone in it. I have such bad memories here, from my Dad to Prom. I don’t feel like myself anymore since, what happened. I need to get back to what I loved. That’s music and my family. And I don’t want to have to look over my shoulder for Snow. He already occupies a lot of my nightmares. You should get away too. If that’s what you want.

Peeta- Oh. I didn’t know you felt that way. But I guess understand. That’s great that you got accepted to a music school! I’m happy for you. Where is the school?

I don’t answer.

Peeta- Katniss?

Katniss- Peeta, I care about you. Thank you for all you’ve done. Most people wouldn’t have. You are a special person. You should go to school. Make new friends and don’t let what happen to me, hold you back. I just want us both to heal and move on. I have so much on my plate right now and I need to get away and distance myself from what happen to me. Fresh start. You can stop worrying about me.

Peeta- Katniss, where is this coming from? You’ve helped me just as much as I’ve helped you. I know you have a lot on your plate and you deserve a fresh start. But don’t you want to be friends anymore? You don’t want me to know where you’ll be?

Katniss- It’s hard for me to look at you and not remember what we’ve been through. I just need time. To figure out what I need. I think you should just let me go.

Peeta- So that’s it? This is goodbye?

Katniss- I guess so. I will always remember your friendship.

Peeta- It will always be yours. Always.

It will always be mine.

Be mine.

After a shower and a cup of tea my mom made me, I finally decide to talk about the baby. Prim goes to bed and my mom sits down and hugs me.

“Mom. I didn’t even think I wanted kids. I can’t have Cato’s baby.” I start.

“I know you feel that way because of how much you’ve had to raise your sister, but if you go through with… not having it. You need to be prepared, emotionally for that. I’ve looked up some things and left pamphlets on your bed. Plus there is always adoption.” She states.

“I wasn’t finished. I can’t have Cato’s baby. But… I don’t know if I can just get rid of a baby, who didn’t ask to be here. It didn’t do anything wrong and I am the one to blame. I made the stupid mistakes that led up to its existence. I just don’t want to ever think of it as Cato’s baby, because it isn’t his. It’s mine.” I say.

Peeta is right.

It will always be… mine.

“Oh Katniss, you didn’t do anything wrong either. It is your baby. And that’s okay with me. I’m very proud that you made this decision with such maturity. I will try and support you however I can.” Mom says.

We hug and she says she will make an appointment for me to see an Ob/Gyn. Tears silently fall but I’m much more composed than earlier.

I’m having a baby.

A month and a half later, Rue doesn’t come home from the store. Her mom sent her at four in the afternoon, and at six she calls our house, thinking maybe she just got caught up with Prim.

“No, Miss Rooba. I haven’t seen her since this morning. Yes. Did you text her?” Prim says.

“Prim what is it?” I whisper, she shakes her head and keeps talking.

“Ok. Yes mam’. I’ll let you know. Bye. That was Rue’s mom she can’t find her. I’m gonna text Vic he probably knows where she is.” Prim says but she sounds a little worried.

“You think she’s with Vic?” I ask.

“She’s not answering texts or calls.” Prim says.

There’s a familiar car screech outside. Then banging in the front door.

Bam! Bam! Bam!

“Catnip!” Gale shouts.

We let him in and following behind him is Vic, Rory, his little sister Posy. Then from down the street come Thom and Jo holding little C.J.

“What’s going on?” I say freaking out.

“I came to make sure Rue wasn’t here and ask if you’d seen Vic. But I saw him in the car as Gale drove down the street.” Thom tells us.

Jo nods in agreement.

“Okay, what are you doing here?” I ask Gale.

“It’s me… I wanted to come.” Vic speaks up.

“You know where Rue is?” Thom asks Vic angrily.

Vic has tears in his eyes and I feel sick.

“No… Not exactly. We… I’ve been texting her like all morning. She texted me she was going to the store. But then, she said that she thought someone was following her, so she said I should go to her house if I didn’t hear back from her in 15 minutes. But I fell asleep!” Vic starts crying.

“What time was it? Let me see your phone.” Jo says and I grab the sleeping toddler from her.

“It was 4:10 and he fell asleep and then woke up to an unfinished text. At 5:55 he showed it to me. Rory just got Prim’s text about Rue not being home yet so we rushed over here.” Gale says.

Rue where are you?

“What does the unfinished text say?” I ask.

Gale looks at me.

“Vic, I’m scared. I luv u and fam. Tell Kat he died? It stops there.” Jo says and then it’s eerily quiet.

Who died?

“Call the police now!” Thom yells.

“Kat?”

“No. I don’t know who he is or who died.” I respond to Gale.

“But why did she spell it d, y, e anyway. She’s so good at spelling.” Vic says still crying.

Dyed?

“Hello? I think my sister was kidnapped! No she was walking home from the store. No she wouldn’t run away and all her friends can’t find her. My mom is driving around looking for her right now. But-” Thom takes the phone outside.

“I’m going to the store to see if anyone saw her.” Gale says.

“I’m going with you!” Prim shouts.

“Me too!” Both younger Hawthorne boys say at the same time.

This can’t be happening.

“Please find her, Gale.” Jo says taking C.J. back and sits down.

“Leave Posy with us. Just go.” I say.

After they leave I call Haymitch.

“Ok, Sweetheart. I got it you don’t want Coin on it cause she rubs you wrong. I’ll get my friend Boggs. Tell Thom to take a recent picture to the station. He and his mom need to fill out missing person forms and we’ll try to get an Amber Alert out. How many hours has it been?” Haymitch says after I explained everything to him.

“About two and a half hours. Haymitch do you think this was…” I ask.

“No need in jumping the gun here. Let’s get more facts. Have you called… Golden boy? He could help you. At least for support.” Haymitch asks.

He means Peeta.

“He needs to get ready to leave for college Haymitch. Not get dragged into more of my problems. We haven’t spoken since graduation night.” I say sadly.

“You could live a thousand lifetimes and never deserve that boy. Don’t you get it, girl? He wants to be by your side.” He fusses at me.

“Haymitch we don’t have time for this right now, okay?” I yell and hang up.

He won’t want to be by my side.

Not when I’m 9 months pregnant with someone else’s baby.

My phone rings.

“Catnip, so I’ve been asking around and Rue came in the store. Bought ketchup. And looked at a magazine for a couple of minutes then left. Who ever followed her was probably in the store. She walked to the corner and then turned like she was taking the short cut home. Even though Vic says her mom doesn’t like her to because of the cars going fast and she’d have to cross with no cross walk.”

“But Gale how could someone take her without anyone noticing? And how do you know she went that way-”

“Katniss, we just found the ketchup. It was in the park.” He says.

I hear Vic and Rory yelling and then wind.

“She crossed the street and then probably started running cause the bag has a rip. It’s farther away from the bottle but her receipt is in it. Dammit! He took her from the Park!” Gale says out of breath.

God please let her be okay.

“Oh God. Okay, I’ll call you back.” I end tears falling down my face.

“What is it?” Jo asks.

“Has Rue ever said anything about being followed ever before?”

“No.” I say.

“Do you know who would want to hurt her?”

He wants to hurt me.

“No.” I say.

“Had she always seemed like a happy kid or would she maybe want to get away from her family for any reason?”

You’re wasting time. It was Snow!

“No. She is happy and wouldn’t run away.” I say.

“Ok your done. Sign here.” Officer Lyme tells me.

After another two hours have passed, we’re all simultaneously, being questioned by officers, outside of Rue’s house.

“I already told you. No one would want to hurt my little sister, Man!” Thom shouts frustratedly.

Even with help from Boggs, they have to wait for approval to put out the Amber Alert. Apparently, because we don’t have a name, or description of who took her, also, because she is 14 instead of 2-10 year old? This is supposedly based on the “best judgment” approach.

So they’ve sent out uniforms to get info from us to question the store workers, the passers by at the time of the incident, and to look for more clues.

Since my neighborhood is crawling with cops, the news vans are back once again. Setting up camp exactly one hundred yards from where I’m sitting.

The reporters have already found out we think Rue was taken. I could say I’m upset, but because we don’t have an Amber Alert, they are actually proving themselves useful for something.

“Katniss! Katniss Everdeen! Effie Trinket, with channel 9 news. Can you tell us how you feel after everything you’ve been through, to now have a dear friend, abducted? Do you think it is the handy work of the elusive "Snow” character you keep claiming helped your own attacker?“ Effie yells at me from behind yellow caution tape.

"Shut up Effie.” Haymitch says pushing past her.

“Manners! Really Abernathy!” Effie shrieks at him.

Wonder how they know each other.

Haymitch shows the police officer his badge and they let him through.

“Hey, Look lady. My mom has my son in the house and he needs me, so could you hurry these questions along.” I hear Jo fussing at her questioning Officer, in the background.

They finished questioning Gale and Rory and Prim so I asked them to take Prim to their house. Thom and I just finished. I said I would stay with Vic till he was done. Haymitch went into my house to make some calls. My mom came home as soon as she heard, and is inside with Thom and Rooba.

“Ok, so you say that she had a feeling someone was following her, but she didn’t seem scared at first? Right?” Officer Jackson is taking Vic’s statement.

“Yeah, it seemed like she just wanted someone to know. Because, I think if she was scared at that point, she would have texted her brother to come get her or asked me to ask my brother to pick her up. But she maybe started getting closer to home and got scared for some reason, so she took the short cut and started running once she hit the park. She was almost home. She probably just thought she could make it.” Vic says.

Damn! She was so close.

“But then her other text. Makes it seem like she knew the person. So do you think it’s at all possible she is pulling a prank on you? Have you been in any fights lately?” Jackson asks.

“Mam’ I know your son is waiting. And I have family at home too. So the quicker we get through these questions. The quicker I can get outta your hair.” Officer Holmes is taking Jo’s statement and clearly both women are frustrated.

I’m siting in between the two questionings on the curb. Trying to think who died.

What are you trying to tell me Rue?

“No, man. We never fight. I haven’t even told her yet, but I love her. She’s been stressed lately cause Jo keeps getting phone calls from Cori, her baby’s daddy. He said he’s coming and wants to see his son. Plus it was freaking them out because he threatened Jo before about taken C.J. But other than that, she’s been the same.” Vic says.

Cori threatened to take C.J?

“Ok, so like I said yesterday C.J’s dad called and he said meet him around the corner. So I asked her to watch C.J. She rolled her eyes but she wasn’t upset, upset. She just worries about us. We talked after and she was fine.” Jo says.

Cori was around the corner yesterday?

“Calm down, Vic. We aren’t giving up ok?” Jackson says.

“He’s 6'2, light blond hair…” Jo says.

“If anything else comes to you just let us know.” Jackson says.

“No wait, he had blond hair but he dyed it for some reason, but he…”

He dyed it?

“Jo!” I yell.

“What?”

“He Dyed It! She was gonna put he dyed his hair!! Oh my god!” I cry.

Coriolanus. That was the boy who got teased in school! They called him SNOW!

“Cori took her! Cori took Rue!”

•••••••••••••••••

I’m barely able to control myself. I’m shaking with anger. I want to run and go find her now.

Jackson and Holmes just stare at me.

“What?” Vic says.

“Why would he? How do you know…?” Jo says.

Then she gets a far off look in her eyes. It’s hitting her that she seen the sketch of my description of snow and she once thought it looked kinda like him but the hair was too long and he only ever went by Cori with her.

Just then, Haymitch comes out saying the store has tapes from this afternoon and maybe we can find who ever took her. I tell him about Snow and Cori being the same person. I tell Vic to run and tell my mom and Rooba.

"I’m going to the police station with Jo. We are the only two who can identify him as the same person.” I tell Gale on the phone.

“Okay we’ll go to Rue’s and wait for you guys but Katniss? Be careful. Maybe you should call-” Gale says.

“Don’t… Say it. I’m letting him go. Just… please. Let me try to let him go.” I cut him off before he can say Peeta’s name.

“Fine. But he might be able to help and if it means finding Rue quicker.” Gale points out.

Damn you Gale!

“Fine. Just take care of them Gale, till we get back. He’s still out there.” I say frustrated.

“Okay. Your mom says all of you be careful.” He says and hangs up.

She means me, Jo and… her unborn grandchild.

We get in Haymitch’s car and I call Peeta’s phone. It goes straight to voicemail. So, I try texting him. But I still haven’t gotten an answer once we’ve pulled into the station.

“Boggs this is Katniss and Jo. They have both seen this guy. One as Snow and one as Cori.” Haymitch introduces us.

“Okay, to start with, do either of you know his last name and last known address?” Boggs asks.

“No, I don’t but he went to school with me so it could be in the yearbook.” I say.

“I… I don’t know it either.” Jo says ashamed.

No wonder C.J doesn’t have his last name.

“I met him in L.A. I didn’t even know he was from here. So the only address I have, is from there.” She continues.

“Alright, let’s get a Elsinore High School Year book in here.” Boggs yells at I don’t know whom.

“Let me show you girls the store tape.” Officer Holmes says taking us to another office.

After watching ten minutes of four blocked, black and white, fuzzy, footage, we see Rue going in the front. She gets ketchup pays for it. Stops at the magazines for a minute and then walks out.

“Wait, wait. Go back a little.” Jo says pointing at the screen.

Jackson rewinds it.

“There! Cori had on that same black hoodie when he came to see me.” Jo says.

We finish watching the tape the guy follows Rue out of the store. His hoodie is up going in and out so we don’t get a clear shot of his face.

“How could you tell?” I ask.

“The hoodie has a white rose spray painted on the back with some R.I.P and somebody’s graffiti type name.” Jo says.

“Ok. Very good that’s a clear clothes I.D of him; being at the last place she was seen. Now it still could be a coincidence that Cori took Rue, for whatever reason. So we need proof Snow and Cori are the same person.” Jackson says and takes out the tape and puts it in an evidence bag.

I still haven’t heard back from Peeta. Impatient, I call the bakery. His brother Graham picks up.

“Mellark’s bakery. You need hot buns? We got em’. Ouch, Ma! How can I help you?” Graham says clearly having been popped for playing.

“Hey Graham it’s Katniss have you seen-” I start but he cuts me off.

“Ooooh Ryan is looking for you two. He’s pissed Peet hasn’t brought his car back yet.” Graham says.

Looking for us two?

“Oh! Uh… Peeta isn’t with me. Did he say he would be? Haven’t you seen the news?” I ask.

“Yeah he said he had to use Ry’s car to see you and show you something important, and no to the news. We don’t have a T.V in here but I get off and 9:00, when we close. Why?” He asks.

Show me something important? About Snow?

“Rue Mason was kidnapped today at around 4:30 walking back from the store and after a bunch of questioning we figured out it was Joanna’s baby daddy and we think he is Snow. But I haven’t seen Peeta and now I’m worried. He won’t answer his phone.” I tell Graham.

“Shit! Are you serious? Ok look, he took Ry’s car. It has On Star. Ask the police to highjack it or whatever they do to find it. I’m gonna tell my parents. Here, take down my cell phone so you can keep us informed.” Graham says.

“Thanks. Ok.”

After I store his number. And tell Jo and Haymitch what he just told me. Boggs decides that although we are worried about Peeta he hasn’t been missing long enough to cause alarm. So unless we find a link between Cori and Snow and Rue being missing to Peeta being, possibly missing, they are four separate things.

“Fuck that!” Jo yells and slams a desk.

“Calm down! Let’s think.” Haymitch chastises her.

“Ok so can I look up yearbooks online? Jo does Cori have a MySpace or a… a face space?” Jackson asks.

“It’s Facebook. And no. Not that I know of. The number he’s been calling me on is out of service. And the other cop, Holmes ran the plate of the car I saw him get out of. It was stolen and found empty already.” Jo says exasperated.

How the hell did he get Rue to where he took her? Un-noticed, on foot?

“I don’t even know if he went to Elsinore High. I saw him when I was in middle school he was in 8th grade when I was in 6th. That means we need the David A. Brown Middle school year book.” I say also aggravated at our seemingly dead end.

“I know it feels hopeless but the Amber Alert is out with Rue’s picture and Cori’s description and we need to breathe and look through these pictures.” Jackson says.

Okay stay calm and breathe.

God I’m nauseous.

“Thank God! You found the online middle school yearbook.” Jo says.

I text Gale what’s happening with Peeta and the case. So the family is up to speed.

Gale texts me back that he remembers a Cori in his class in middle school. Mr. Leeg’s class specifically, possibly married to my old teacher Mrs. Leeg. It was very helpful. After what seemed like hours…

“That’s him! Coriolanus Thread!” I say pointing at his picture.

“Yeah that’s Cori just younger.” Jo says.

“I knew it.” I say.

Please let Rue and Peeta be ok.

“So we can go to his house and get Rue right?” Jo asks impatiently.

“Okay ladies. Your work is done thank you. We’ll keep you posted as to our investigation.” Coin is standing at the doorway to the office and all of us appear shocked at her presence.

“Well I… we still need to find Peeta.” I say.

“Yes, well in 48 hours if he hasn’t returned, his folks can fill out a missing persons form but you can go home for now. Jackson you’ll escort them home won’t you?” Coin says and I get the feeling she wants us gone.

What is up your ass lady?

“Uh, let’s get you two home then.” Jackson says.

“Haymitch where were you when the dragon lady snuck up on us?” I say kicking his foot.

He fell asleep on a bench beside the vending machine while we looked at the yearbook pictures.

Ugh! And he smells like whiskey.

“What? Who?” Haymitch grumbles but sits up.

“Great brainless! Now your drunk ass can’t drive us home.” Jo says to Haymitch.

He burps. Then Jackson comes over and gathers all the statements and evidence for Rue and Snow/Cori. He puts it in a box. And puts it on his desk.

“Don’t worry about him. He’s been around a long time. He will continue to be around and drink and win cases. Why don’t I get Officer Messalla here to help me drive you all home?” Jackson says.

Messalla smiles at Jackson and says it would be her pleasure. I go in Jackson’s car with Holmes. Jo and Haymitch follow in the car with Messalla and her partner Officer Mitchell.

“Jackson? What if Peeta went looking for Sn- Cori and he got him too?” I ask.

“Well, we don’t know that Peeta did that.” He says.

“Yeah but his brothers car has OnStar if they reported it stolen then you’d have to look for it right?” I ask.

Little does he know, 15 minutes ago, I asked Graham to do that very thing.

“Yes, but Katniss, I’m not about to go looking for it right now with you in the-”

“Be advised. We’ve got a possible 10-16. Dark Blue Chevy Malibu, license number. November-8-Romeo-Yankee-Delta-Romeo. OnStar Navigational says last pinged 1730. It’s located at…” Dispatch says through the car radio.

Yes! Thank you Graham.

“N8RYDR? What is that?” Jackson asks.

“Night Rider.” I say pleased with myself for thinking of the plan and figuring out the license plate.

“Hey uh, Jackson, that address is pretty close. We could check it out real quick.” Messalla’s voice comes through the radio.

“Katniss. You did that didn’t you?” Jackson accuses.

“Jackson, I know they are connected. Please?” I beg.

Meanwhile, in the car behind us, Jo is telling Haymitch why we got kicked out so fast.

“So Coin basically said we no longer need your services. Even though, without you girls they’d have precisely Bubkis? That about right? So what did you two find in the online yearbook?” Haymitch asks her.

“That his last name is Thread.” Jo says.

“Did you say Tread or Thread? As in Romulus Thread.” Haymitch asks.

“T-H-R-E-A-D. Why-”

“Yo, coppers we need to turn this thing around! Now!” Haymitch yells at Messalla and Mitchell.

“What the hell, Haymitch?” Jo yells.

“Hey sir! Calm down, we’re about to investigate The Mellark’s stolen car that Katniss was so eager to find.” Messalla says.

“Jo, do you have a phone?” Haymitch asks her.

“Yeah old man. Are you still drunk?” Jo says.

“Boggs guess what your perps last name is? Thread. Yeah like Romulus Thread. No, I don’t know if she knows just make sure she doesn’t leave.

"Okay, Katniss we are now conducting a ride along. That means you are going with us to check out the stolen vehicle but you are to stay in the car. For all we know Peeta is just with his girlfriend or something.” Jackson says.

Ouch! Why does that sting so bad?

“He doesn’t have a girlfriend.” I mumble under my breath.

Jo texts me that Haymitch said Romulus Thread was Alma Coins Father and ex Chief of Police.

Is Snow related to her?

“Jackson! Alma Coin is Romulus Threads daughter. Why does Cori have the same last name as her father?” I ask.

“Come to think of it. Alma is married, now. So, she could have her husbands last name.” Holmes offers up.

I text Gale with an update. My mom tells him to tell us to come home and let police handle it. Jo gets the same kind of text from Thom.

But Rue is out here and she needs us, and maybe Peeta too.

“Mess, Mitchell, you wanna check it out?” Jackson asks through his radio.

“10-4. We’re on it.” Messalla replies through the radio.

We pull up the address. I can’t see Ry’s car and I’m scared about why it’s here in the first place.

We’re in a poorly lit area and there’s a long driveway leading to a decent sized house. The house only has one light on upstairs. The houses on either side are at least half an acre away. There are a few trees in the surrounding area.

“Katniss can you call Peeta and see if the phone rings?” Jackson asks me.

I do and it rings until it goes to voicemail again. But we see a small blue light in the darkness on the side of the house.

Is Peeta’s phone here?

Where is he?

Is Rue here too?

“Okay M&M. Your up.” Jackson says into the radio.

“Is that your nickname for them?” I ask.

“Yeah, we call Messalla and Mitchell, Slim Shady or M&M. They call me and Holmes, Josh and Katey or Pacey and Joey. So fair is fair.” She says.

“Who? Are those your first names?” I ask.

“Really you’ve never heard of Dawson’s Creek, kid? I keep forgetting how young y-” Holmes is cut off by the radio.

“J, this is the right car but it’s empty. I can hear someone shouting in the house. Should we knock and ask about the vehicle or treat the situation with caution?” Messalla asks almost whispering.

I can’t breathe.

Who’s shouting?

“No don’t knock. Just head back to your car and-"Jackson starts.

"S- someone is coming out if the house we are hiding behind the car. Going silent.” Messalla whispers and then there’s no noise.

“Shit!” Holmes says.

“Katniss I’m going to let you out to go to the other car with Haymitch and Joanna. We have to go back up our officers.” Jackson tells me.

He gets out, opens my door and I run to the car about ten feet behind the one I got out of. When I look back Jackson and Holmes are gone.

“Open the door brainless.” Jo says.

“Now, I know you want to run over there and endanger your life, Sweetheart. But you sit your ass down.” Haymitch tells me.

Jo and I sit on the trunk of the car. Feeling anxious and helpless and hyper aware of my surroundings I see lights coming down the road and tap Jo. She sees it too.

“Haymitch get out of the car.” I whisper.

We close the door quietly and hide behind some trees until the car passes.

“Put your hands up and get on the ground!” Holmes shouts from close to the house.

“Coriolanus! Get in the house!”

“Damn if that didn’t sound like Coin.” Haymitch says.

We start moving closer to the house trying to hide in the shadows.

“Excuse us, Detective Coin, but that man is wanted for questioning. Because this car was reported stolen less than an hour ago and we think he may be the same perp that assisted in the Everdeen rape. So he needs to come with us.” Jackson states as calmly as he can.

“Help!”

“Hey we’re in here!”

“Mess check out the basement!” Holmes yells after hearing two voices coming from under the house.

Rue and Peeta?

Pop! Pop!

“Mitchell!” Messalla screams.

“Stop! Now!” Holmes shouts.

“Lower your weapon Jackson!” Coin yells.

“You lower your weapon! You just shot a fellow officer!” Jackson yells back.

“We have an officer down at 736 Capitol Way. Requesting an ambulance… and back up.”

“What do you want to do Coin? Cori is in handcuffs. You just shot and officer and there are three guns on you. Is this worth it?” Jackson tries to reason with her.

“He’s my son alright! Would it be worth it to you?” Coin says.

Her son?

Jo gasps next to me. It all makes sense now. If Snow is really Cato’s cousin, that means he’s her nephew. No wonder she treated me that way in the hospital when we first met. I told her, her nephew and her son, however inadvertently, raped me.

“Coin, we don’t want anymore blood shed here tonight. What can we do to make that happen?” Jackson negotiates.

There is a loud bang in the house the stomping up stairs and another bang. Followed by the front door opening.

“Let my son go.” Coin orders.

“You know I can’t do that.” Jackson says.

Then I see them. First Rue. Then Peeta.

They’re alive.

Haymitch grabs both Jo and I’s mouth. Good thing cause we both let out muffled screams.

“Shh! You have to be quiet! We may be the only witnesses to this scene.” Haymitch whispers.

We both shake our heads in agreement. So he lets go.

Sirens are headed towards us.

Pop!

Coin shot Jackson!

He falls down. More shots are fired. Holmes shoots Coin in the shoulder. Messalla shoots Coin in the knee.

A shot must go into Peeta and Rues direction toward the house, because Peeta covers Rue and then slumps down to the ground.

Peeta!

Somehow in the shuffle Cori must’ve gotten away. I feel dizzy. They have to catch him.

When will this nightmare end?

Coin is lying on the ground. Jackson gets her gun away from her and starts reading Coin her rights. The ambulance is coming down the driveway. Messalla leaves Mitchell to check on Jackson.

I can’t help it anymore. I run to Peeta and Rue. Jo’s hot on my heels.

“Rue!” Jo calls.

“Jo! Katniss!” Rue cries.

She’s ok!

But Peeta isn’t moving.

“Peeta! Peeta can you hear me?” I yell.

“He saved me.” Rue cries into Jo’s shoulder.

“Peeta? Please be okay.” I say my tears falling onto him.

I lean close to him but try not to crush him. I feel his neck for a pulse. His heart is beating. I check his arms and chest for bullet holes.

“It’s his leg. His leg is bleeding. He’ll be ok right?” Rue asks in a small voice.

“Did that bastard hurt you?” Jo asks Rue.

“No. Peeta wouldn’t let him.” Rue says.

How long was Peeta with her?

“Excuse me miss. Is he hurt?” A paramedic asks me.

“Yes. His name is Peeta Mellark.” I say crying.

I move and let the paramedics do there job. They cart away Mitchell, Jackson, Coin and Peeta. They check Rue. But she’s relatively fine. Messalla and Holmes drive Haymitch, Jo, Rue, and I home.

“I’m sorry he got away again.” Holmes tells me holding it together better than I am.

“I’m sorry about Jackson.” I tell her.

The nightmares I faced last night were the worst I’ve ever had. First, Prim comes in and holds me till I fall back asleep. Then when I scream the second time, mom comes in and lays beside us both.

I stay somewhere between drifting back to sleep and startling myself back awake for the rest of the night. Not to mention having to get up to go pee every two hours or so.

Thanks to mom. I haven’t had as much nausea. She gives me ginger candies to suck on and peppermint tea.

Being pregnant is not without its challenges, but a lot of the time I forget about it until I’m starving or something that used to fit feels irritatingly tight on my lower abdomen. Most of my clothes were always a little baggy though, so no one has noticed anything.

I decide to go see Peeta in the morning. Plus, I want to check on Jackson and Mitchell too. We stop to check on Rue and the family first.

Rue was shaken up but relatively unharmed. We told her how her text message helped us figure out who Snow was. She was as glad as she could be still worrying about Peeta’s injury.

“You really should thank Peeta for his part as well.” Rue tells me.

“Yeah, if he hadn’t gone looking for Snow. We couldn’t have tracked his car to Rue.” Thom says.

“And not to mention Detective Catnip here.” Gale chimes in.

“No really. It was everyone’s effort. Without Jo and Vic I would never have figured out the connection with Snow and Cori. Without Officer Jackson and Holmes, and Messalla, and Mitchell. Coin would have gotten away with covering the whole thing up.” I say still shocked at the events that transpired.

“Hey everybody. Breakfast is ready.” Rooba calls in a voice that we’ve all become accustom to.

Rooba’s blessing over the meal this morning was filled with extra gratefulness to have her daughter was back home safe, well wishes for our families. Also, with hope that Jackson, Mitchell and Peeta recover fast and faith that Cori will be caught and brought to justice for all his crimes.

After we all eat. My mom and I head to the hospital. Unfortunately so has every news reporter in the state it seems.

Boggs called a press conference. As we walk up we see the Mellark family and Holmes and Messalla.

They’re explaining that Coin was apprehended. That with the work of the fine officers involved, they saved Rue and Peeta from Coriolanus Thread, who is indeed the very same rape accomplice, Snow. But that he regrettably got away. They ask if anyone knows his whereabouts to please contact their local authorities.

They mention how heroic Peeta was, and say he was badly hurt but should make a full recovery. Lieutenant Castor Jackson is in critical condition. Officer Pollux Mitchell died of his injuries just an hour ago.

Mitchell’s family comes to the podium and speaks. Next to say a few words is Jackson’s sister. Then finally, Peeta’s dad. I, along with probably most of America, shed a few tears at the things said about these brave men. And Peeta gets included in their honored and distinguished band.

I sneak into the hospital and tip toe in to Jackson’s wing. I get a glimpse of him through a door; before a nurse tells me I can’t be in here, unless I’m family. She recognized me though and tells me she’ll keep my mom informed of his progress. I thank her and leave.

You can survive this Jackson.

I ask one of the officers on guard where Coin is being held. Once they tell me, my feet involuntarily go in the direction of her room. When I get to her room, she has a bandage on her shoulder and she’s handcuffed to the bed by her hands and feet. But she is awake.

“What do you want?” She spits.

To know how you could protect him.

“You knew your son was involved in my rape, didn’t you?” I ask.

“No. He didn’t rape you. My son wouldn’t do that.” She deflates at the end and starts crying.

Holmes comes in, “Katniss you shouldn’t be in here. Peeta is asking for you.”

Coin chuckles at me, through her tears.

“You know, they were heavily into drugs. And Jo says that’s why she broke up with Cori and didn’t even tell him about the baby at first. Not that it excuses their behavior. But maybe they were good kids, once. But can’t you see that he has changed, and isn’t a good person anymore?” I ask to Coin angered by her disregard.

“Oh, shut up you bitch! You don’t know what it’s like to have a child and raise them. For them to, turn on you. Act like you’re the enemy. He went to go live with his father and stopped calling and coming to visit. But he’s still my son. He just needed help and now he could be dead somewhere!” She screams at me.

“Yes or he could be planning to kill someone! He’s not stable. Kidnapping a helpless little girl, and threatening the mother of his child? Come on Alma, he needs to be in custody. Tell us where he is. Please before it’s too late.” Holmes says to Coin.

Coin starts cursing and yelling, “Wait and see! Just wait and see! You bitch!” While pulling her arms up and failing around. Holmes takes me out of there and nurses rush in to sedate Coin.

“Katniss, what were you thinking going in there?” Holmes asks me as we walk to Peeta’s room.

“I don’t know. I just thought she had a human side and would be remorseful for everything. Mitchell’s dead because she shot him. And Jackson… According to Haymitch, she used to be a good cop. I wanted to believe there was good left in her, because maybe then, there could be good somewhere in Snow. He is out there and he could try to hurt my loved ones. I don’t want to feel like a victim to him anymore.” I admit.

“Then don’t. He doesn’t control that and he will get caught eventually. My guess is he got as far away from here as he could, to hide with his tail between his legs. And if he ever comes back we will be prepared. You can be too. Take some self-defense classes. Keep going to see that Dr. Aurelius. And keep your eyes open. You have really good instincts and you’re a smart girl. Don’t doubt that. Have faith in yourself.” Holmes tells me.

“Thanks. Do you think Jackson’s gonna pull through?” I ask.

“I think so. He’s a fighter, you know.” She says.

“Hey.” Peeta says as I walk into his room.

“Hey. How you feelin’?” I ask scared he hates me.

“Oh, you know. I feel shot in the leg.” He says and manages a small smile.

He’s okay. Don’t cry.

“I’m so sorry you were in that situation. But I shudder to think what could’ve happened to Rue, if you hadn’t been there.” I say trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

“She might’ve gotten away if not for me.” He says.

“What do you mean? She told us you saved her. More than once.” I dispute

“Well, I couldn’t let him hurt her. But before that, I got out my old middle school yearbook, to try and find the guy that got teased in school. I asked Ry to barrow his car. Even though you weren’t talking to me, I thought you’d want to see it. I was on my way to your house, when I saw Rue running through the park.” Peeta tells me.

“Oh My God! That’s how he took her without anyone seeing.” I gasp.

“Yeah, she saw me, ran to the car, started trying to explain that she thought someone was following her. Then he popped out from behind a tree with a gun. He grabbed her and said he’d shoot her if I didn’t do what he said. He made me get in the trunk. My phone was in the front of the car so I couldn’t call anyone. She later told me he took off his hoodie, put it on her, and pulled the hoodie over her face. He put her in the passenger seat and held the gun to her while he drove, telling her he’d shoot her if she tried anything funny. I think she started typing a text message while in the car with him, but she got scared and stopped. He drove us to the house you found us at, and I prepared to try and wrestle him when he opened the trunk. But he had Rue do it and held the gun to her head. I was scared he was gonna kill her just to get back at me for beating up Cato and testifying against him. I had no idea at first that he was C.J’s dad.” Peeta relays his story.

“How did she send the text then?” I ask.

“Once he got us inside. He had me duck tape Rue’s mouth and hands in front of her and then hit me on the head. I woke up in the basement and Rue was tied to a chair and my hands were tied behind my back. She couldn’t see that well because it was dark and she couldn’t look down because of how she was bound. But I’m guessing she typed the part about how she loved her family in the car. I could talk, but I threw up once and I was dizzy. The doctors are saying I had a concussion from Snow hitting me on my head. But I talked to Rue and I told her that the guy who took us was Snow he just cut and dyed his hair. She had hid the phone in her bra and wiggled until it fell down her shirt and she tried to text info to Vic. So he could get help and you could connect Snow as Cory. But we heard movement and she started to panic and pushed send before he came down. Then I turned around and grabbed it from her. We’re so dumb we should’ve called 911. I hid the phone behind me on the floor. He came in yelling about what a mess we made of everything and he called Jo some bad names. When he left I grabbed to phone and tried to give it back to Rue but she started crying cause the phone had died.” Peeta says.

“Peeta I’m so sorry. If I would’ve been in touch with you, we could’ve met somewhere. Maybe you wouldn’t have been on the way to my house. Maybe Rue would’ve made it home before he grabbed her and nobody would be dead and hurt right now.” I start crying.

“Yeah, but we probably wouldn’t have Coin, or Snow on the run. If I showed you the yearbook and we went to the police Coin would’ve made sure no one found out. She may have just killed us both and covered it up. And according to the police, I think his ultimate goal was to take C.J from Jo. I know Rue is happier her nephew was safe even if that meant her being taken in his place. Katniss, I will heal. Jackson and Mitchell are courageous police officers who know every time they put on the uniform, their lives are at risk. They wouldn’t want you blaming yourself. Trust me.” Peeta says.

I run over to him and wrap my arms around him in a hug. He hugs me back.

“Katniss. Don’t cry. It’s okay. Pleas-”

I stop his mouth with my lips. My impulse to do something I’ve wanted to do for so long taking over. Peeta’s lips are soft and warm against mine.

He seems taken off guard at first. But he quickly takes ahold of my face and the upper hand. What starts as a gentle, sweet, kiss, becomes more passionate and frantic.

He lightly licks my top lip. I open up willingly letting him invade my mouth, and tangle our tongues, coaxing a delicate moan out of me.

I’ve never been kissed like this.

I feel high and ignited. My hands clutch the fabric at his chest and the hair at the nape of his neck. He runs and hand down from my shoulder, to my back. Caressing my side. Then sliding onto my hip. Peeta’s fingers dip slightly into the top of my jeans, sending chills through my whole body.

I feel tension in my belly and then a bump! I jerk away from Peeta unlatching our lips. His face is flushed and shocked.

Oh! What was that?

“Katniss. I’m sorry. Are you ok? I’m sorry I should… I shouldn’t have kissed you.” He fumbles.

Shouldn’t have? Why?

“I kissed you. But umm… my stomach hurts. I gotta go, Peeta.” I say rushing out.

I find my mom. I explain the weird feeling I felt.

What’s happening?

“Katniss, you just felt your baby move!” Mom tells me quietly, so no one else can here.

“Oh! Okay, so nothing’s wrong with me?” I say relieved.

“No. You’ve been under a lot of stress lately. Why, what were you doing? When you felt it?”

Kissing Peeta Mellark.

“Um. Just hanging out with Peeta. He is doing better by the way.” I half-lie.

“Okay. Good. So you’re alright then?” She asks.

Am I?

Was what I was doing wrong?

Is that why the baby chose that moment to scare the crap out of me?

“Uh huh.” I say.

“Okay, love you. Why don’t we get you home?” She says.

At home, I get on the computer and look at the school I was accepted to. It has a lot of grants and student loan options. If I live on campus and get a job, will I have time for a baby?

I click on a link for a scholarship program and somehow get to a scholarship application.

May as well apply right?

I start filling it out and then I get a text.

Peeta- I just want to make sure you’re ok. Please text me back.

Katniss- Yes. I’m fine. I just needed to get out of there. I’m home now. Sorry, I kissed you. I’m not sure where that came from.

Peeta- Maybe it came from your feelings for me?

Katniss- Peeta, I shouldn’t have feelings for you because I’m going away to school. You’re going away to school and we are great as friends. If we complicate that it could be bad. I just don’t think we’re ready.

Peeta- You mean you’re not ready. I could be ready. I wanted to ask you out remember?

Katniss- Yes, but Peeta, then life happened. We are, broken and carry battle scars. I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. You might not feel the same way about me forever.

Peeta- Why won’t you let me decide what I feel for you and how long I want to feel it? I’ve felt it for years.

Katniss- You’ve felt what for years?

Peeta- Katniss can I see you?

Katniss- Your in the hospital? I just saw you.

Peeta- No, when I’m out. I’ll come by after I’m released.

Katniss- Okay but Peeta. Just focus on getting better.

Peeta- Thank you.

Katniss- You’re Welcome.

Peeta- Goodnight Katniss.

After texting Peeta, I go back to the computer. I get to the section of the application where you must write an essay. I stay up all night writing it. In the morning, I’m exhausted.

My phone rings. Haymitch tells me that Jackson woke up and he’s doing much better. But that Coin committed suicide last night.

What else could happen?

“Sweetheart, that’s not all. We think Cori snuck into the hospital last night.” Haymitch says.

Peeta!

“Your boys okay. It’s just that if he went there to see his mom. Then he knows she died and Boggs is worried he’ll want revenge so he wants to put you and your sister and your mom into Witness Protection. And frankly, I agree.” Haymitch says.

“But. But Haymitch?”

“We would be putting Rooba, Jo, C.J and Rue in also. But Thom refuses. Says he’s going out of state for college anyway and can’t disappear without Delly. The Hawthorne crew hasn’t had any threats so we can’t move them either.” Haymitch tells me.

This is crazy!

“What about? I was planning to go to school also.” I say still in shock.

“Yeah, well we could talk to the board of admissions and tell them your situation. They can recommend you to a similar school in another state and the government will be moving you and… and changing your names. But they’ll be finding your mom a good job. So I think you will find you end up in a higher tax bracket from now on. I’m sorry about the boy.” Haymitch says.

“Peeta isn’t my boyfriend. I guess now’s as good a time as any to tell you. I’m pregnant. I don’t want to hold back his future so…” I say tears welling up in my eyes.

“Wait is it-”

“It’s my baby, Haymitch. And I expect you to keep attorney, client confidentiality about that information. When do we have to leave?” I ask as stoically as I can.

“Two days.”

The events over the last four months have been life changing. Haymitch will be able to contact us and he’s assured us as soon as Coriolanus “Snow” Thread is caught we can return. But my faith that will happen is shaken.

Our last meal at Hazelle’s is rough. Rue and Prim are equally happy they get to stay together as they are devastated to be leaving Vic and Rory.

Gale invites Madge and Thom invites Delly. I saw Finnick and Annie before they left for the airport yesterday. BeeTee and Wiress both got early admissions and left before the kidnapping but have been sending their love through email and are sad we won’t be able to email anymore.

We try to remember the good times we’ve had around this huge kitchen table. We laugh. We cry. Everyone is putting on a brave face since half of this makeshift family is leaving in the morning.

Peeta is still in the hospital. Peeta has texted me goodnight, every night since we started helping each other get through the nights. Even when I wasn’t talking to him, he texted it. Tonight, for the last time on this phone, I text back.

Katniss- Goodnight Peeta.

“Peeta, why do you want to make this harder than it has to be? Stop putting yourself in danger for me.”

“Kat you were gonna leave without telling me. If I hadn’t over heard Holmes talking to Messalla, I still wouldn’t know. Of course I snuck out.”

He knocked on my window at midnight and I let him in. He looks so hurt that I could leave him.

“It’s raining, there’s a psychopath on the loose and you have a a metal pin and stitches in your leg.” I whisper so I don’t wake the whole house.

He carefully takes my hands in his. They’re surprisingly warm considering he just came in out of the cold. I hope he doesn’t have a fever.

“Tell me you don’t care about me?”

“Peeta what?” I shake my head and turn around.

“Can you say you don’t?”

“Peeta, we aren’t discussing this now. I’m leaving in the mornin’-“

“I love you, Katniss. I love you.”

I spin back around and he’s has unshed tears in his eyes.

“I’ve tried not to tell you. Because all the books say it’s too soon after this kind of tragedy to put this kind of pressure on you. I don’t want anything from you. You don’t owe me anything. But I have to tell you before you go. I know you care about me too.”

I close the small distance between us and kiss him like I did in the hospital. I think about what he’s just told me, and everything I know. Not only does he love me, it seems he has had feelings for me for a while because he remembers me singing in kindergarten. He wanted to ask me to Prom and he was sweet enough to stand by because someone beat him to it. He took pictures with me and let our friends tease him about being alone. He was no doubt angry I was being dumb and could’ve tried to steal me from the date, but he’s always thinking of others. He knew I needed help and he blamed himself for what happened. But he was my rock through all of the aftermath. Keeping me safe. Helping me feel safe. Always being cautious of my fear and never making me fear him. He read about how to deal with survivors. He himself is quite a survivor and he stayed away when I pushed him away. All the while selflessly putting his wishes on the back burner, for me.

“Peeta, I love you too. I have to go tomorrow. But I… I want you to stay with me, tonight.”

“Always.”

“I don’t know if you can forgive me for being so stupid and oblivious but I-“

“I already told you. You never need to apologize to me, love.” He says hugging me tight.

I sit on my bed and pull him down with me. He’s got an arm around me and draws little soothing shapes on my shoulders.

“Will I be able to contact you? I guess not, huh? Well, can I write to you? Maybe under a false name, or through Haymitch?”

I shake my hand no. The tears fall down both our faces as the gravity of the situation hits us.

“Kat, say something. Please.”

“Will you? Would you…” I cover me face with my hands. “I’m not good at saying something.”

“What do you need?” He asks and in that moment, I know he’d give me the moon if he could.

“I need you.” I tell him honestly.

“You have me. Okay? You don’t need to worry-“

“I need you, Peeta.” I emphasize the need that I feel growing with the revelation of my feelings.

“Oh. OH… you mean? But you… we… Katniss? Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

It’s not crazy rush passion or exactly how he might’ve imagined it.

We slowly explore each other’s bodies and get to know what feels amazing. I don’t expect much so it’s even more meaningful when he makes me climax with just his hands and then him mouth.

“You’re so beautiful and strong. Don’t ever let anyone tell your you’re not.” He whispers in the ear he just nibbled.

“I have to tell you something.”

“You’re pregnant aren’t you?” He guesses.

“How? When did you know?”

He gently rubs my belly as he rolls me on my side and lines up our bodies so he can enter me for a second time tonight.

“I was always aware of the possibility. But the morning sickness, the way you craved cheese buns, and when you fainted. I was pretty sure. I thought that’s why you pushed me away, but Katniss?”

He pushes in and I gasp at how good it feels.

“I love you, so much. How could I not love the baby?” He clarifies.

“Peeta, I love you.”

We finish together in a handful of moans and sighs.

I wake to a knock on my door.

I don’t feel him in the bed. In fact I’m in the clothes I wore yesterday.

It was just a dream?

“Haymitch called, sis. We can go back.” Prim says tears in her eyes.

I’m so shocked I almost miss the whirlwind of little legs.

“Mama wake-ity up. Come on, cereal s’ready.”

#springtime edition 2018 #jrheartbreaker #ra3lynn3 #Prompt 36 #submission