#SO DONT READ THIS IS THATS UH NOT GOOD FOR YOU???

[finely-tuned-line]

//note: there ARE the descriptions of a slowly-dying persons thoughts in here. its. probably disturbing in some manner? i mean, its. be careful if youre not good with stuff like that. sorry, i just dont know how to tw this. its the blue text, dm me and i can summarise what happens. RP:

Log 223

FTL: First, an update on the training of FTLR-3. I am tentatively going to declare it a success. While FTLR-3 is still showing some hesitance to obey my commands, I do believe that that may stem from some sort of... spite? I know for sure that it has thoroughly associated my commands with the receival of more food. I am unsure if this pause is due to it fighting its instincts, or whether it is truly just to throw me off. Perhaps I am simply being paranoid again. Either way, I have to be satisfied with the progress I have made thus far: my time has run out. More on that later.

FTL: Second, the modification of the container I will be using to transport FTLR-3. I have reinforced it and made sure that when it's shut, it's completely airtight. Nothing gets in, nothing gets out. FTLR-3 will not be escaping it, especially due to the training that I can only hope will work. I have no guarantee that the container will be as secure as I think it will be, I have no guarantee that FTLR-3 will not disobey me, I have no guarantee that the creature used for the transportation will be fully capable of carrying it all the way there. I can only prepare so much. And as I said, my time has run out.

FTL: Third, the Locator's return. The Locator that I sent to Songs of the Negative Sunlight has returned, pearl with it. Which does confirm that Songs of the Negative Sunlight is somewhat conscious and agrees to the plan. The part of the pearl that xi changed reads as the following:

affirmative. it's alright. i'm sorry.

FTL: And here is the thing that I did not, in any capacity, expect. Xi attached a few logs of xirs detailing xir downfall. I do not know how xi still has the energy to do so, or how the logs remained mostly undamaged. Perhaps xi was storing them in a neuron fly instead of xir drives. I do not know.

FTL: These were... Interesting to read. I will be rejoining my Local Group's chat in order to share these with them. I'm sure they'll want to know. In the meanwhile though, I'll put them here. Just in case I lose this pearl. The logs are... I'd rather not read through them again.

Log SNS: i've decided to give in. quit my research. who cares. i sure don't. perhaps dedicate myself to looking into Void fluid - but not for the sake of the Great Problem, for the sake of understanding purified Void fluid. it's always been rather interesting SNS: i know Finely-Tuned Line won't regard my decision with approval. yet he is my junior, he has no say in my decision. i can only hope that ve doesn't condemn me for it. i don't think ve will, truly.

Log SNS: i've told my Local Group about my decision. Finely-Tuned Line was confused, as predicted, but he didn't criticise my decision. Echoes of a Paradox was happy for me, also unsurprisingly. Doubt's Dichotomy, well... it didn't say anything. that too, was not unexpected. she barely talks to us anymore though. i'll have to contact sol about that. SNS: research on purified Void fluid is advancing, i've diverted some of my supply to chamber c-8. have to be careful to not let too much accumulate in one place though. don't yet know what i'm hoping to discover, but i think that's supposed to be part of the thrill.

Log SNS: i've made a lot of progress over the past few cycles! i was right, purified Void fluid is very interesting. though i am no Iterator designed for chemistry, i can figure out that the purified Void fluid's corrosivity appears to be completely gone! how does it come back then, when it's gathered in larger amounts?

Log SNS: my theory is that large amounts of purified Void fluid sort of... combine their fractured molecular structure? and that the purification causes the fracturing in the first place. unsure. where do its Ascension abilities go though?

Log SNS: purified Void powers me, as it does a lot of Iterators. it's sheer energy is taken and taken and then used by an Iterator. i think i've figured out a more effective generation method though! using purified Void fluid as well, normal is just too volatile. if i can expand my income of purified Void fluid, maybe I can test my idea...

Log SNS: okay! i just need to expand the transporter pipes a bit. i've run the calculations, i have a plan, it should all be fine. SNS: ...i still haven't told my Local Group what i am doing, though. they'd tell me that it's a bad idea. maybe it is. but i'm on the brink of something - this is the first time i've ever felt this excited about anything! i am not stopping now.

Log SNS: pipe burst. i can find a way out of this. i can. i just need to turn off some sections of myself. let those get corroded through. less processing power, less memory, but it'll be fine. i'll be fine. SNS: i just need to turn off the intake of Void fluid.

Log SNS: why can't i turn off the intake of Void fluid

Log SNS: nononononono SNS: it's fine. it's fine! SNS: i've blocked off the sections that are getting flooded SNS: i can still feel it SNS: eating away at me SNS: why'd they make us capable of feeling pain SNS: why'd they block me off from turning off my power source

Log SNS: i've tried sending distress calls SNS: no response SNS: can they not hear me? SNS: surely the void hasn't gotten to my transmission systems yet SNS: do they just not care SNS: ... SNS: i'm lucky my generator is on my lowest level SNS: which is now full of void SNS: it's eating through the blockade

Log SNS: nothing's coming to save me, no one's coming to save me. there's nothing to do but just wait SNS: and wait SNS: and wait SNS: and wait SNS: and wait SNS: for the void to reach my crucial systems. mostly my memory arrays. those on my top level though. my puppet'll get consumed before the waiting is over

Log SNS: slow, that's what it is. SNS: slowly, it's rising. SNS: slowly, it's eating away at me SNS: every little molecule pulled apart hurts SNS: why can't this just stop SNS: please stop SNS: I'm sorry

Log SNS: maybe the stars are pretty SNS: maybe i should have stuck to doing what i was made to do SNS: maybe finely-tuned line was right SNS: the voids past the second level now SNS: it's reached some of my systems SNS: files upon files upon files of information that i never did more than glance at SNS: i wish i could say that i won't miss them

Log SNS: i think that constellation is one i should know SNS: all of these constellations are ones i should know SNS: i've removed all my overseers from the lower levels. deactivated all the cameras. i can fight through the pain, i just don't want to think about it SNS: they're all looking up at the sky now. how did i not see how pretty it is?

Log SNS: Echoes of a Paradox would like this. the irony in my situation. is it even irony? maybe it's just poetic

Log SNS: i'll lose power soon. the generator is struggling to use the non-purified void. cause it isn't purified. not anymore. SNS: a batfly got in, it flew right into the void. SNS: It Ascended.

Log SNS: cant i jjust go back andd do itt all agaiin SNS: ill fuulfill my purposse SNS: i wontt stray SNS: pleaase SNS: pleasse SNS: ppleaase

FTL: ...That's the last log. I... I cut it off. Xi just continues repeating ximself into oblivion. Comprehensibility devolving. I-

FTL: Why did xi send me these. I don't need to know this, I do not need to know this. Why did xi consider it to be the best course of action. A late plea for help, perhaps? But no, I told xim that I couldn't help.

FTL: Perhaps xi just wanted someone to know of xir suffering.

FTL: Right. Right. I have things to do. Why can't I just move on from this, to the next thing? The plan will go correctly, xir logs say that the Void will Ascend creatures. It's all going according to plan, why can't I move on to the next thing.

FTL: I knew xir situation was hopeless. I knew that. I'd even thought xi was dead, I thought this whole plan wasn't going to work out. So why do I appear to care so much about something that I already knew about?

FTL: Is reading about it and knowing that xi's still suffering that much worse than what I already knew? Surely it's not

FTL: I... I need to take a break. A distraction. I can't think about this anymore.

FTL: I'll send the transport carrying FTLR-3 with it out. The Locator will go with it, it'll carry an Overseer of mine. That's the plan. I just need to stick to the plan.

#WARNING: UHH YEA THIS POST HAS HEAVY ANGST #AND BY THAT I MEAN THE PERSPECTIVE OF A SLOWLY DYING PERSON AND XIM LAMENTIING OVER WHAT IT FEELS LIKE AND REGRETTING ALL OF XIR MISTAKES #SO DONT READ THIS IS THATS UH NOT GOOD FOR YOU??? #PLS BE CAREFUL #disclaimer: i do NOT actually know anth abt chemistry #this is more bullshit than my specbio #fun fact abt the word receival: its an archaic word! its basically synonymous with receipt (not the paper but the action of receiving smth) #but i like using archaic words and spellings so fuck you modern english #FUCK WHY DOESNT TUMBLR HAVE MORE WORD COLOURS SMHHH #in my mind blue text is eternal anomaly #but songs of the negative sunlight is also blue text but a darker oneeee #but tumblr only has one blue #smh ): #!!! ftl says 'i can only hope' so much bcs ve picked it up from sns (: #id say im sorry that i wrote this but i am not #ALSO. CONTEXT: sns' secondary purpose was to study space! which xi didnt like #ftl sorta forgot that these logs are semi-public now lol #cause he was just EVER-SO-SLIGHLY out of it while writing this log #ahahaha #i dont regret this #but im in pain bcs why did i write this jshfksjadh #rp #finely-tuned line #songs of the negative sunlight #angst #cause thats what this is #also!! the reason for sns' distress calls not getting properly sent out is uhh bcs uhhhhhh #...communications facilities were on their first level? #ftl logs

[fuckingstupidbracket]

like a regular bin, not even recycled or anything

#poll #okay so uh #dont read the tags ahead unless you care about my little vent #my mom got me a hoodie in December from shein #even tho i had two very similar hoodies already both from better brands #still fast fashion but not as fast #and one of them was modded by me #but the hoodie was fucking soft and comfy and good length so it quickly became my favourite hoodie #according to my mother tho after a month she started complaining that it's ugly. #it had those little balls idk what they're called but #1 i don't fucking care #2 they're removable #so anyway fot the past week or two shes been complaining every time i wore the hoodie and today she screamed at me and threw it in the trash #she also kicked me but thats unrelated #and like even if she bought me a new identical one that wouldn't help at all cause she still threw my stuff in the trasg #and bought from a company that goes against my values #and she keeps excusing it like “its cheaper” #im sorry but buying one good thing and wearing it too death is cheaper than buying a hundred things you throw away after less than 3 months #so fucking sick of this!!!!!!!! #i have more than enough clothes too and am currently trying to get rid of some #BUT NOT LIKE THAT WHAT THE FUCK #btw my vinted is dupiarz it's mostly stuff from 2017-2020 so not really trendy but maybe youd like something #the pnly clothing i dont bother repairing and just throw out is underwear #but i do fix socks because good socks are good socks

[cervideity]

Are there any FS manga ideas you've had which you haven't really seen anywhere but wish were more common?

RUBS MY HANDS. ok so bc i havent been here that long i havent really seen even a fraction of all the fan content for this thing (although i comb through oldER threads, fanworks, and deviantart fairly often) so i cant say anything on it not existing... plus this is pretty basic

but onw of my fav concepts i dont see utilized too often is pairing off two of the 4/maybe5 guys and putting them in a damn situation by themselves. most of the time , at least the fancontent I see has them all together, by themselves, or paired off like they were in the manga. which is FINE. maybe im just geared different. but what better way to enjoy their characters like its new. what better way to analyze . fuck you scoops up red and vio puts them in the Labrynth with devious creatures. .yaknow?

just for you anon N9BODY ELSE LOOK !! /joke. some very * rushed in the fervour of inspiration * [badly drawn] concepts for a green n shadow dungeon

#i once read a pretty good fic about blue and vio getting separated from the others in a dungeon and they had to fight a dark link. good shit #fandoms so small the person who wrote that may be reading this post.. hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii if so. #hope the she/her shadow doesnt bother ya because it shall CONTINUE TO HAPPEN !!!!!!!!!!! #hashtag girl /ref #i may be a hypocrite bc i dont put out as many of those situations as other just. various drawings. i think but . yeag. usually if i have a #truely Unique n singular thought i try to draw it and then i leave it. or else. the creative flow. desolate. #OH FUCK YOU MAY BE TALKING ABT INTERPS.... IF SO. UH. idk. #pretty adamant on my “vio talking abt being a hero when he betrays shadow is an indication of the inverse'' interp. thats why my first post #of em is named heroic nature. bc its Actually talking about shadow #smiles deviously #also you can ask me to elaborate on any of these anon ... if u want.... believe it or not this is me holding myself back

[girlwiththegreenhat]

nobody talk to me i've been emotional all week over king's dad having kept an eye on him his whole life from The In-Between. much like spinel, i will never be able to watch the series the same way again

#liz blogs #toh #the owl house #king clawthorne #i dont know what to tag his dad as. uh #the titan #papa titan #yeah thats what came up and i'll use it #this trope comes for Me specifically every time. i will never not weep my eyes out over it. #and with the suggestion that the titans can control the weather and shit #i am remembering when the titan trappers sent that letter and hooty ate it because there was a bug on it #yeah that was god vibe checking ur stupid letter and sending the bug to destroy it #mental illness please go AWAY i WANT TO DRAW TOH !!!!! I HAVE IMAGES IN MY BRAIn #i am cursed with Visions #you literally just have to show me a silly and or down to earth dad character and oops they're one of my favorites now #do not read me #i loaf you... shut the fuck u p...... weeps #yeah i just watched the episode for a third time with my brother and its just digging the brainrot in deeper #god. god. toh was such a good show. im so tired of every show i love getting cancelled.

[bmpmp3]

the epic highs and lows of trying to read an ongoing shounen manga

#for me it uh. tends to have more epic lows than epic highs. im very unlucky with shounen #occasionally a few years after something i start reading it'll turn out to be good #but any time i follow something from the beginning it starts getting. worse #is it me? am i doing this? dont tell me to read your favourite shounen i'll turn it bad #did i ever mention that one manga. the moon is beautiful but first die #a mouthful of a title. it started kinda goofy but i really adored the main character for some reason #im still a bit attached to him. he cleans so well that he got the magic power to see real good. and now he can matrix bullet time #hes just like me for reeeeeeeaaaal hflkanjvdkfljfds but yeah that manga was. weird but fun BUT THEN #it got so wack you guys you dont understand. the first like one or two volumes? fun #everything else? god knows JHKFDJFDK i still read it all tho. i was invested in my guy with seeing real good powers #and im sorry to say. unfortunately it seems. a certain manga with a big tv adaptation that is pronounced oh she no co #my curse. its started. although that ones very much a epic high and epic low situation like itll be so so wack one minute #and suddenly get good again and then plummet back down HFKJDSBHJds we will see how it goes on #i started getting annoyed with the writing after the stageplay arc because they kept like. time skipping over so much #which i thought was a bit of a waste because there was a lot of interesting potential in a lot of the showbiz storylines. but we shall see #thats not shounen tho thats seinen but my curse applies to some seinen too LOL but most seinen i read is already finished #and shoujosei is spared from my curse. i think just because most i have the opportunity to read in english just tends to not #be drawn out or have weird scheduling things messing with the pacing. are there any weekly shoujosei magazines out there #i dont think weekly manga is good. for a lot of reasons mostly the mangakas health but also i find more weekly stuff i read #that isnt like. 4koma stuff suffers in its pacing a LOT. but again that might be my curse. the second i lay my eyes on it. the curse #(sorry ive been catching up on a lot of manga recently LOL ur getting my manga thoughts now)

[logosbot-tm]

I am upset at the fact that I decided to rewatch Good Omens bc I had happily forgotten just how Crowley coded I was, and was just vibing, and now I've gotten back into Good Omens and now I'm pissed again. Who the fuck allowed me to be Crowley coded???

#minus the whole clown thing I got going on #please tell me that Crowley hates clowns bc I am genuinely pissed at the Crowley coding #like... ffs if I try to cosplay him #i just look like myself w yellow lenses on #it's not even funny!!! #like ppl nagged at me for years that I looked like Crowley #so my mindset going into good omens was “Oh Im not going to like this fucker' #And then I dont just like him #i relate to him #and apparently look like him #very annoying #actually no #Its mf infuriating bc wtf #uhhhhhhh #good omens #ig #also i shouldn't have told some of my irls to watch good omens bc i can be peacefully existing in a rolm #room* #and someone will go #“omg thats so crowley coded of you” #oh and the girl that Im in a situationship w wants to own a bookstore and is blonde n blue eyes n reads too much #like srsly too much #how can one read that much #i dont get it #oh yeah right uh #crowley #going to bed bc im annoyed now

[fairyreblogs]

man i dont know why (i have theories but hold on) but the fandoms Ive been in on the internet have been a little meaner these last few years. like i dont get nice comments on my fics anymore. i get ones with no reading comprehension or i get angry ones or i get ones that are enthusiastic and delighted but instead of any decorum they are like. aggressive in their delight. usually just a demand for more content. something has definitely changed in how people in fandoms interact with one another. my theories are just like. younger generations more comfortable with the internet not being as polite as older people on the internet are combined with quarantine kinda ruining a lot of peoples ability to interact socially (mine was ruined too to be fair). but like lately ive been in search of a fandom thats not the markiplier fandom that is nice to me and not aggressively-enthusiastic-weird (but i might take this too) and its kinda hard to find one. i dont know if i just dont have interests that align with happy communities, or what.

#markiplier fandom nice to me forever and ever. #sometimes they get me on edge when they demand i update and dont even say like 'nice fic i liked this' they just say 'update' #but thats literally like the meanest fan ive met so 👍 #fnaf fandom is interesting. you definitely gotta treat them the way you want to be treated or theyre not gonna be nice #unfortunately this means you cant joke too much with them. #uh. moment of truth. percy jackson fandom kinda mean. ok they are mean. no kinda. also no reading comprehension #definitely a fandom that bonds by choosing something to nitpick and hate together. which sucks if you liked that thing they chosen that wee #my little corner of the xmen fandom has actually gotten nicer as time goes on. but also more obsessed with details and accuracy #but my corner of the xmen fandom was still nice enough that i adore them even if i havent been in it in ages #marvel is very so-so depending on where you are in the fandom but its such a large fanbase it is what it is. normal #witcher fandom from my experience has been pretty chill but i havent done much as a content creator for them to really know #d:be human is. decent. unfortunately a lot of outside hate there that it kinda outweighs how polite the fans are #star wars.... well. if you find your niche good for you! nice people. but if you get too generalized with your niche. rip #sw fandom when you study mando'a or dai bendu: hai X3 !! #sw fandom when you get too generalized and talk 'prequel vs sequel': die #vent #this is funny because i was really nice about this sw comment. but its generalized. which means someone will tell me to die. #why do i know this? because ive made this comment about the sw fandom before. =_=

[cowboy-robooty]

physically holding back my rage when i go get my weekly uchuujin no kakushigoto update and see people bitchin and moaning about it. I WANT TO HURT YOU AND IM NOT FUCKING AROUND. YOU SHOULD HAVE BEAR MACE SPRAYED IN YOUR EYES SINCE YOU OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO FUCKING APPRECIATION FOR GOOD LITERATURE. S2G SHUT YOUR DUMBASS UP BEFORE I GO AHEAD AND SLICE OFF ALL YOUR FINGER TIPS TOO AND PUT YOUR TONGUE IN A BAG CORPSE PARTY STYLE CUZ YOUR OPINIONS ARE ACTIVELY MAKING SOCIETY WORSE.

#i will make a review for uchuujin no kakushigoto later... bc rn i want to see more how the story plays out to see if it gets even better or #if it falls from grace #rn tho im so hooked like every week i need my update its what i look forward to ngl #the manga is soooo good i adore it from the artstyle to the characters to the romance to the message #i love the pyschological aspects so far and think its been interweved nicely if not a little too in your face but its being done p well #i cant wait to see how the author handles the main theme rn of exploring the selfishness in helping people #so many people keep saying its 'so weird' and 'keeps getting more fucked up with each chapter' #AND I DONT GET IT #ITS NOT WEIRD IMO ITS NOT A BIZARRE STORY #ITS A GOOD STORY AND I THINK EVERYTHING MAKES PERFECT SENSE LIKE TBH #IM SURPRISED WE HAVENT SEEN AN ALIEN ROMANCE STORY LIKE THIS YET #THIS IS AN UNTAPPED MARKET THATS LIKE UH DUHH!! WHY DIDNT I THINK OF DOINF THAT FIRST?!? #IDK LIKE I DONT THINK ITS WEIRD I THINK THE AUTHOR IS MAKING VERY NORMAL DECISIONS TO PROGRESS THE STORY #you wanna read weird go read fuckin #KAMI NO KODOMO #I HAD TO FIGHT FOR MY LIFE ON BAKAMANGA TO FIND THIS AGAIN #i should write a review for it. its interesting #not really a fan cuz it just doesnt hit for me but its interesting and unique

[astranauticus]

i have an exam tomorrow but i know my brain won't know rest until i post this. anyway i just looked up the lyrics to 超度我/set me free by floruitshow and i just. have to inflict this song onto other people it is so robits

(real quick one thing i will say is please listen to the song, i once described floruitshow as 'the perfect combination of classically trained and a little bit insane' and this song is 100% that vibe. like i cant promise you'll like it but i can promise that it probably won't sound like anything else you've heard before)

Also I'll only be translating the verses because the chorus is literally lines straight from the Diamond Sutra and explaining those is above my paygrade

(Verse 1)

来不及 There's no time left 最后一句想你来不及让你知道 No time left to say to you my last 'I miss you' 再也回不去 We can't ever return 那个有彩虹出现的下午 to that afternoon when the rainbow appeared 再也感受不到你温度 I won't ever feel your warmth again 如果你留我在梦里 If you left me in my dreams 我会放弃呼吸 I can give up my breath 请 超度我 Please, set me free

VR-LA during/after MR-SN's death?? reflecting on all the things he never got to say, all the things they never got to do because they never got enough time together, 'i can give up my breath' all that time VR-LA spent alone on that empty ship fighting the thoughts of leaving it all behind.. (yells)

(Verse 2)

对不起 I'm sorry 不经意就在你的影子里活下去 It's so easy to live on in your shadow 我不在意 But I don't mind 不过是白日梦里一瞬息 It's nothing but a moment in a daydream 为何还起念动心 Why does my heart still stir? 怪你名字太熟悉 It's all because your name is too familiar 当我是一花一叶一春木 if I pretend I were a flower, a leaf, a spring sapling 可否回到世界之初 Can I return to the beginning of it all? 请 超度我 Please, set me free

Y'all wanna talk about how VR-LA's still not over MR-SN. or how he spends s2-s3 haunted by his old crew ('live on in your shadow' owwww). 'a moment in a daydream' VR-LA seeing MR-SN in overclock... being stuck in the horrible horrible headspace of the Zuggtemoy curse and finding comfort in this snippet of the captain he can barely remember.. 'your name is too familiar' i mean just look at the wish speech! he says it better than i ever could, it's getting the old crew's names from maxim that really sets VR-LA off on this whole journey to find them because even after the everything just their names is enough for him to remember how much he loved and still loves them!! augh

(Outro)

我的执念 万千千千 My obsessions, hundreds and thousands 放不下地 放不下天 I can't let go of the earth, I can't let go of the sky 我把红线折折剪剪 I cut and fold at the red strings 落入凡间镜重圆 I fall to the mortal realm to seek reunion

Again, y'all wanna talk about how VR-LA's still not over MR-SN. but also the last two lines as being MR-SN's POV, the 'red strings' being a reference to the red strings of fate (strings that tie lovers/soulmates together... aaa), MR-SN (or well, Mystra, I guess) literally defying fate so that they can meet again. 镜重圆 here is likely referring to 破镜重圆, a phrase that directly translates to "mending a broken mirror" and basically refers to couples (generally romantic) reconciling/reuniting after a breakup/some kind of separation which... i mean yeah thats literally just 3.7 huh. MR-SN coming back from the dead to give VR-LA closure and catharsis. anyway i'm gonna go lie on the floor now

#rolling with difficulty #rwd starship #vr la rwd #im so. jahsfksjhdfkjh #my ears are kinda bad (read: auditory processing issues) so like.. for a lot of cpop songs with more poetic? fancy? lyrics #i tend to like just add them to my playlist even if i dont actually know what the lyrics are #esp since i listen to a lot of gufeng/'historical style' cpop because i like that genre's sound but the lyrics are EXTRA incomprehensible #so basically i had this song in my playlist for like.. about a year but i was never 100% on what the lyrics are #so yeah i looked up the lyrics today and uh. felt like i got hit by a train #funnily enough i now have a floruitshow song for all my robit favs! WHY DO THEY MAKE SUCH GOOD ROBIT MUSIC #set me free = VR-LA; him = MR-SN; how can i make you stay = maxim #considering im already making an animatic for him (and made a little animation snippet for how can i make you stay) its honestly like.. #kinda.. tempting to just round out the trinity. like if i can make one animatic how hard can 2 more be? (famous last words) #also because like with the september patreon reward im even more convinced that how can i make you stay is just the maxim song of all time #its just that the diamod sutra chorus on this one kinda. complicates matters #and also because i saw an INCREDIBLE genshin animatic of this song on bilibili once and it HAUNTS me #i dont play genshin anymore i dont even like xiao it's just one of those things were like #the artistic merit on display is so impressive i have to respect the project on skill level alone #its *so good* like i cant fuckin. not even surpass i cant get anywhere *near* that. what the fuck?? #intellectually i know thats not how art works but. hnnnGGG #its that animatic and noir (the other one)'s stultifer cantus mv thats like #on a tier list of all the animatics ive seen in my life theyre on the 'lose your fuckin mind beautiful' tier #Spotify

[sufranstevens]

first listens of july coincide with an extremely hectic time of my life!

#m #the pic was to balance the first one but also love it #the beyonce one was the only reslisten. listen its so good to empty your head and power walk to places or dance to #tracy chapman good but i will never listen to it again dont really click with the style except for. well fo course fast car temon #and justice for all i have already listened too many times in my life with my dad but its not as good as i remember. or i have outgrown it #loved the green one. ambient? anyway great soundtrack for reading house of leaves #i uh dont know if i was too worried with other stuff but i thought this bloody valentine album was kinda mid #but then again i didnt click with my first bloody valentine album until like my 10th relisten so #the pixies one yea its catchy #hated the spanish song tho #anyway thats it! hope you enjoyed this extensive tags rant

[gudakko]

wait right i did have another dream

#why do i suddenly remember them only after a few hours #anyway this was from the afternoon nap not the new years sleep that was the bird girl #but yeah i went to my old highschool and usually thats never a good sign in a dream cause that usually means its going to be one of those #stress dreams where im stuck in school for no reason cause i didnt REALLY graduate and have to do it all over #but this time it was different like there was still that lingering feeling at first but then i was just like no im just here to #pick up my diploma im not doing the usual bs #and also it was VASTLY different now like the whole first floor was just a huge starbucks? it had like 5 or 6 counters each with employees #and staff but it was also mainly empty there were only like may 1 or two other people #and i immediately started speaking in english cause yknow and they just assumed i was foreign so they just started speaking to me in the #usual broken italian english and also the way the stuff you could order was displayed SUCKED like you just had a few items listed here and #there and every counter had different listings so you had to walk all over the place to get a good idea but eventually i just asked them #what frappuccinos they had and this guy told me like the 4 different flavors they had but they were all gibberish? like they were just #made up words lmao. so i just picked a random one and he gave me a weird look like are you SURE you want that one? and i was like uh fuck #maybe that other then?? and he approved of the other one so i was like yeah sure and still no idea what flavors they were #eventually i got my order and they didnt even do the name thingy? but i did read something on the cup #cant remember the name but they wrote something interesting i was like huh ok #anyway it fucking sucked it was just. barely a milkshake? no distinguishable taste even if it looked like chocolate and NO whipped cream #like tf. plus it had those boba balls but not the good ones that pop the bad ones i dont like that are sticky #it was a very miserable drink but i didnt wanna complain so i just drank like half of it before leaving lmao

[mrfoox]

Just remembered how after my autistic diagnose every offical person was so careful to approach me about it at first. I know that's probably standard bc not everyone will like those news or know how to handle it but I legit just had doctors go 'hey... So... Are you okay? How do you feel?' and I was like 'haha, nice, so I haven't just been faking/now I know why I'm so different'

#miranda talking shit #And i mean... I wouldnt be diagnosed at all if i didnt personally call for it. I wouldn't have been able to see anyone unless i brought it #Up. Bc ive always been good at masking no one even considerd i was on the spectrum. And it wasnt until i got friends who was diagnosed and #Discussed it with me and their experiences + me reading up on it myself ... Where i was like wait uh ... Actually lol that's me haha #But i know plenty of people probably don't like to get the diagnosis. For me personally it was 90% a gopd thing #It felt a lot like... Ive always known i was 'diffrent' and ive always felt something was so wrong with me bc i didny work like other peope #And then it was like .... No im different but this is the thing that makes me different and its not something 'wrong' with me #For me it felt very freeing to get i guess a label or name on why im different. Before iy was all just... On me? #Like it was my own fault. Why couldnt i do this or just act normal why couldnt i just handle things others could? It all felt very. ... #Personal. Like it was my own fault ? Idk man. It was just great to get a reason to why i was diffrent and that it actually ... Made sense? #There were reasons behind why i got so overwhelmed or behaved weirdly etc yeah #My relationship with my own autism is the weirdest shit ever bc i dont personally think there's many positives with this diagnose #I can think of 10 cons per 1 pro basically but i also... Never had any bad feelings about getting it on paper that i have it? #I know my life would be much easier if i didnt have it. But i also know it cant be cured and is just part of me so #I have a fairly good or at least neatrul general feeling about it. Before i was diagnosed I'd cry and have breakdowns as to #Why i was so weird and why i couldnt be like everyone else. I got that on an weekly basis. After my diagnose? Very rarely. #I guess thats why im so... Supporting and maybe pushing others who think they are on the spectrum to check it out #Many will think oh but it doesnt DO anything. It doesnt change anything. It doesnt help to get it on paper ya know ? #And well yeah i guess technically that's true but man idk. If you have ever felt alienated like ive been my entire childhood and teen years #Getting the diagnose was so nice. And i got to learn about myself in much different ways than before. And understand that i am in fact not #Alone and not so misunderstood by everyone on earth lol. #@anyone who think they might be autistic give me an message and lets talk tbh if you want and need someone to discuss that with #Autism tag

[redafi]

as someone who is kinda like lxc but more of a mess, who decided lxc having political power was a good idea

#You know that john mulaney meme thats like #I need to be liked so much. All the time. By everyone around me. #I will still think you secretly disapprove of at least half of my actions #But i need you to say you dont #And also that really lowers the threshold of “how many times will i actually distrust you after you lie to my face and i know it” #Which uh #yeah #LOOK JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE IS DIPLOMATIC DOES NOT MEAN THEYD BE GOOD AT POLITICS OKAY #thank you for coming to my ted talk on “lwj is literally the only human being lxc can accurately read” #(at least… at all times that is) #(Im accurate sometimes! Mostly at identifying when someones uncomfy.) #(But it counts) #(To be clear: personal headcanon based on my own experiences i understand if its not accurate to you)

[desireesfics]

bad habits.

pairing: dealer!ellie x reader.

summary: when you were a kid you had always put a pillow or a big stuffed animal between your legs, you honestly felt comfort by it. but tonight you decided it was going to be somebodies head.

warnings: uh widely ellie giving head?, use of drugs, girls kissing 🤯, swearing, a little bit of dacryphilia, pretty self-indulgent i know its weird im sorry — MINORS DNI !!

a/n: just because the strikes ended does not mean you shouldnt stop posting about palestine!

———————

you were helpless, depressed even. being locked up in your dorm for god knows how long. your friends had been nagging you about various parties on campus, you simply just left them on read, not wanting to deal with the aftermath of the party.

it wasnt until now that you had decided to go. not because you wanted to, you were going against your own will.

your friends, isabella, mattie and thea were forcing you out of your dorm because the state you were in right now was just honestly disgusting.

you were packing a bag to go over to isabellas house because they werent letting you stay in that dorm for a minute more, when thea said. “youve been stuck in here for forever, we havent seen you in awhile, we miss you girl.”

you sighed, reaching over to your closet to find an outfit appropriate for tonight. “look i know, things just havent been the best right now.” you didnt bother to look back because you know all thats going to be written on their faces will be pity.

“can you guys help me pick an outfit atleast?” they squeal, marching over to you before yanking you out of their ways.

mattie held up a dress, it was pink, delicate, something you would were on a picnic.

“dude, thats so basic.” isabella called out from the side, rolling her eyes at matties choice.

“i dont wear stuff like this— how would i fucking know?” she huffed.

“calm down guys, why dont we let ms depresso give us an idea of what she wants?” thea shouts over the teo annoyingly loud girls.

“i— depresso? seriously? not even funny.” you roll your eyes before pulling up pinterest on your phone, you always managed to find decent outfits off of the app.

you typed in ‘party outfits aesthetic.’ before you landed on something similar you had in your closet.

the outfit had a mini, mini, mini, mini black skirt paired with a black lettuce-cut, corset bralette looking thingy and just below that, knee-high boots. you admit it, you looked hot as fuck.

“damn girl, if i were gay id definitely hit you up.” way to go isabella, way to go.

“oh please youre totally into girls, youre acting like you dont eye that dina girl everytime we walk around her area on campus.” mattie adds.

isabella did everything in her will power to ignore the comment, but she couldnt help but blush.

the look of approval shot around the room was hilarious and you all burst out into laughter. you really havent felt this good in awhile.

quickly memorising the girl mattie had mentioned before, you could remember she would always be hanging around with someone else.

“hey, any of you know the girl dina hangs with? i cant think of her name.” you think hard, like really hard, you knew the girl was attractive from all the times you had seen her since isabella coincidentally hung there too.

“yeah, her names ellie, i buy from her sometimes. why, you got the hots for her?” thea teases.

“just shut up and give me her insta.” you roll your eyes, playfully shoving the girl as the two others made ‘oooooh’ sounds.

“fine, just give me a second.” thea whips out her phone and starts going through her following. she clicks on a profile and holds the phone up to you so you could get a good look.

her account was private, by the looks of it she had a batman smoking weed profile picture? interesting.. her user was ‘@ellieisawesome327.’

sounds like a name some 5 year old would put on secretly. “oh, interesting.” you couldnt help but giggle, she obviously wasnt the best at using this stuff.”

you pulled out your phone and searched for her user, you didnt follow it just yet, you thought it would be creepy since she didnt know you at all. you simply just kept the name in the search bar, ready for when you actually want to follow her.

———————

a few hours had passed and you all had gotten done up, makeup, hair, outfits, everything you would do before a party.

“whos car we taken’?” mattie asked. you and the others looked at her like she was some idiot.

“theres only one car in the driveway, take a guess numbskull?” thea pointed out, mattie pouted.

“rude.” she huffed. turning around to scroll on tiktok.

you were sitting on the bed, getting comfy since the party wasnt for another hour, when you spotted one of isabellas pillow. you had put it between your legs, you found some comfort in doing that ever since you were a kid, it was a weird and bad habit.

“whatre ya’ doin silly?” isabella pointed out, she sort of new you had this weird habit of putting things between your legs.

“getting comfy, what does it look like?” you roll your eyes, scrolling through your instagram feed.

“if you actually want something between your legs, try and get head tonight.” isabella added. it was a harmless joke, your group had always joked like this. you toned out the muffled giggles in the back thinking if you should actually get laid tonight.

it had been awhile since you had had sex, and it was getting annoying hearing everyones ‘wild’ stories.

you tool the pillow out from between your legs and threw it back into its position it was in before.

“you guys think we should get going? the parties in twenty minutes.” thea said. you all nodded and got up from your positions to march off to the car.

the drive was ten minutes, you put on your group playlist, it was made for roadtrips you guys took every once and awhile. but tonight you just needed to hear something other then their voices.

you were all vibing to the music when it eventually came to a stop. you sighed and got out of the car, shivering as the cold wind hit your very exposed body.

everyone walked in, it wasnt exactly packed, but you hesitated and mattie noticed that.

mattie was the average femme grouped masc. the one to carry around the shopping bags when you went shopping kind of girl. she was sweet, there were times where you had found yourself harmlessly crushing over her. she knew you had a bit of anxiety and offered you some of her meds before leaving but you kindly declined.

now obviously regretting your decision, she gripped onto your hand and squeezed it tight, for reassurance. you smiled and walked in with the others.

———————

it had been 2 hours and the group had split, isa probably off eating dinas face off, mattie chatting with some of the guys from a basketball team she had played against when faking being a guy as a dare, and thea off buying or even selling drugs. you were sat on a dusty old couch, not exactly wasted but definitely not sober.

you hadnt noticed you were sitting next to the girl whos instagram you were stalking earlier. but the realisation hit when you smelt weed from her direction.

she was very obviously eye fucking you, she wasnt even shy about it, it couldve been the weed that was in her system or she was wildly bold.

“hey?” you started off your soon long to be conversation.

“hi.” she was caught off guard when she realised you were talking to her.

“ellie right?” she nodded and you exchanged your name to her, along with numbers. you sat back further into the couch, parting your legs a little giving her a slight view of what was under you skirt. you enjoyed the fact that she was looking. a little smirk appeared on your face and she didnt notice it.

“my friend thea buys from you right?” she snapped her head up to look into your eyes. you noticed the green in her eyes under the blue hue of the lights in the room. she nodded,

“yeah why? wanna buy from me?” you shook your head.

“kinda tight on money right now, i would though.” you sighed, resting your head on your hand.

she thought for a minute. “ill share a blunt with you, only coz’ youre cute.” she winked and you blushed.

“oh, thanks..” you stare off awkwardly waiting for her to light it, she was wondering if she made you uncomfortable.

“s—sorry, didnt mean to make you uncomfortable.” you shook your head a smiled before she handed you the joint.

you took a puff and handed it back to her, waiting a bit before exhaling. you noticed she was manspreading. then you noticed she didnt quite look like any other girls that were at the party, very masculine. is she lesbian? no surely not, maybe she just likes being comfortable.

ellie was wearing a worn-out jacket, joels. she wore it everywhere she went.

she caught you staring at the position she was in, fighting the urge to spread them further. you noticed she was holding back from something and looked up at her, oh shit she caught you.

a shit eating grin was plastered on her face. “you ‘kay?” she asked, the same smug expression written all over her face.

you nodded and took the blunt out of her hand. you were blushing under the dim lights in the corner, the rest of the place was filled with colourful lights changing every second.

she started blushing too, she didnt know why. you looked up to her with parted lips. the high kind of kicking in now.

“can i.. kiss you?” you asked softly. you regretted that so hard, fuck fuck fuck she probably doesnt like girls..

she moved closer, draping a hand over your shoulder. “thought youd never ask.” she smirked before smashing her lips onto yours.

the kiss was hungry, like she was desperate for something, you couldnt quite place your tongue on it. the only thing placed on your tongue right now was hers. you kissed her back with just as much passion.

the moans you let out were absolutely pornographic. ellie knew she had to do something about this, stopping the kiss whilst you let out a whine from the lack of attention.

you were borderline wet, like waterpark wet, and it wasnt helping that you were wearing a flimsy skirt that had rode up in the process.

“cmon’ princess.” she took your hand, you felt a bit clumsy for some reason, dizzy, your head was foggy, only thinking about how good she tasted.

you followed her around as she knocked on various locked rooms. finally breaking one open, she slammed it shut, locking it and pressing you up against it. not to hard though, wouldnt wanna hurt your pretty little head.

“fuck, youre so goddamn hot.” she mumbled between kisses. you couldnt help but moan at how turned on she made you feel.

she pushed her knee up between your thighs and you shivered, grinding down onto it. chasing the very needed friction.

you wondered how such an innocent question like ‘can i kiss you?’ turned into you riding on her knee.

“els’, please..” that shit eating grin reappeared on her face and you just wanted to smack it right off, you rolled your eyes. your words and wetness only boosted her ego more.

“please what baby?” she teased. why was she teasing you? you couldnt take it. tears started bubbling in your eyes.

“please just— fuck me.” you mumble out. she liked the sight of you crying, so desperate for her. she was going to tease you more before you actually got what you wanted.

“what was that?” she smirked.

you looked up at her through teary eyes. “can you, uh— go down on me? please?” you were begging, that was a sight.

she pulled you over to the bed, through the dimly light room. “strip.”

you did as she said, it wasnt hard to take off your clothes since there was barely anything on you. first your top, leaving you in a skimpy black lacy bra to match your underwear. then came the boots and skirt.

finally, leaving you in a two piece set. she was waiting patiently for you to take them off. you dont know why you were so hesitant, maybe it was because you hadnt done this in awhile, or maybe it was because her stare was so intense it made your stomach do flips, distracting you from the easy task.

she walked over to help you since you couldnt finish what you had started. “d’ you want this?” you nodded painfully slow.

she peeled off your underwear, holding them up to get a good look before back down to your now bare cunt. it was dripping at the sight of her.

“s’ wet for me princess.” she smirked once more, if she smirked anymore her face would probably get stuck like that.

then came the bra, she asked you to turn around so she could unclip it, she was slightly struggling since she wasnt used to these fancy bras, only because she wears a sports bra.

you giggled and reached your arms behind you to take it off, turning around to leave her ogling at the sight of you.

“youre so beautiful.” you blushed, hard. she looked up at you for some sort of reassurance and you nodded.

a minute ago she was so dominant and now shes sweeter than a cookie. you adored that.

she reached her hands out to cup your tits, so soft, she thought. squeezing them and pinching your now hardened, pebbled nipples.

she elicited a moan out of you. you sat back on the bed for comfort and she dived into them. sucking harshly on your tits.

you couldnt tell if you hated it or loved it, your monas were telling her otherwise.

she left purple marks all over your neck, tits, stomach, anywhere she could mark really. you were huffing, all you needed her to do was touch you down there.

“patience baby.” she replied to your subtle huffs. you rolled your eyes, pleading with your body language as you rolled your hips into nothing.

her head moved down slowly, taking time with your body as if you werent some one night stand. did she actually like you?

she kissed all over your stomach and you felt giddy, you were giggling at how it tickled.

the she dipped her head low, taking in how soaked you were. the whole time you had been rubbing your thighs together. any subtle touch made you go crazy.

she fully dived in, and you moaned her name out, loud enough to here over the booming music. “e-els!” she teased your clit with her tongue, licking a stripe down, giving your clit kitten kisses.

her tongue reached places your fingers couldn’t surprisingly. you couldnt stop panting. it felt like heaven.

your vision was going blurry, white, if the coil in your belly bubbled anymore it was going to snap. “ellie.. i—im gonna!..” she moaned into your pussy, sending hypnotising vibrations into it.

“i know baby, come for me.” those words was the thing that snapped the bubbling coil.

you felt hot slick pool out of you, she lapped up all she could, almost overstimulating you. you were panting.

she got up and laid beside you, toying with your plush tits. you could almost fall asleep right then and there.

“alright,” she patted your thigh. “i gotta get going, heres my number though.” she pulled out a random piece of paper from her pocket and a pen. had she been preparing for this? you thought. she handed you the note like a little kindergartener and put her shirt back on.

you had the sudden urge to shove a pillow between your legs, whining from the loss. you fought back everything in you to shove the pillow that was staring at you between your legs. you watched ellie leave,

she left you on the bed looking back at you to smile before closing the door behind you. you eventually got up and put your clothes on, walking over to the bathroom that was in the small room to fix up your hair and makeup.

you realised your hand was still clutching that little piece of paper. you looked at it and read it slowly, still regaining composure.

‘**** **** **** **** message me ;) x’

you probably werent going to message her, but just incase, you slipped the note into your purse and walked out of the room going to look for you friends to take them home, luckily ellie had sobered you up.

———————

a/n: im sorry the ending actually sucks i was getting sick of this and i needed to get it out of my drafts. should i turn it into a series were reader actually messages ellie? idk.

#lesbian #ellie williams #ellie x reader #lgbtqia #i need ellie bro #wlw #bad habits #ellie williams tlou #ellie tlou #ellie is so hot #ellie x fem reader #ellie smut

[dollyhao]

loser!ellie x bully!reader

summary: ellie upsets reader and takes her punishment like a champ.

cw: cowgirl, bondage

"els take me to the mall tomorrow?" you say not even looking up from your phone, scrolling through insta. its suppose to sound like a question because ellies trying to teach you that you cant be demanding with everything you say. you ignored her when she first said that to you but you took it into consideration, not doing it so often anymore.

ellie is sitting at the bottom of her bed reading a comic book and rubbing your feet thats in her lap. "uh um, actually i cant. i have.. a test, yup a test to study for." you glance up at her with a quirked brow, her face is red and flushed but she always looks that around you so you shrug. "fine" you say rolling your eyes snatching your foot out her hand.

your not upset frfr, you know how important grades are to ellie, which is why shes always so insistent on trying to help you study.

"im staying here tonight." you say taking your pants off leaving you in a shirt and underwear, crawling under her blanket. ellie hums in approval, and joins you spooning you as you both slept.

the next day, you decided to go to the mall with a friend since ellie was busy. yall stopped at a wing place close to campus and see ellie sitting inside with those other losers, dina and jesse. ellie has never blatantly lied to you like this.

you walk over to her fuming. yea, you know the last time she tried to miss plans with you to hang out with friends you said you would block her, but you threaten to block her all the time and never do.

her back is to you when you hit her with your purse, "wtf-" ellie says turning around looking angry and confuse. her face drops when she sees you obviously upset, she looks super guilty. "your such a bitch ellie. dont fucking talking to me." you turn and leave hearing ellie stumbling and asking you to wait behind you.

you get in your friends car arms crossed frowning, "take me home." "no food?" "i lost my appetite." your friend puts the car in reverse just as ellie comes out the restaurant and yall drive off.

your in your dorm when you hear rapid knocks at your door. you get up to open the door already knowing its ellie. "what" "please let me explain" she says hands clasped together with a pleading look on her face. "i dont wanna hear it williams." you say walking away from the open door.

ellie comes in closing the door behind you, getting on her knees in front of you. "please please forgive me. im so so sorry for lying. w-what can i do so you'll forgive me? ill do anything."

༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶ ༶•┈┈୨♡୧┈┈•༶

"this isn't fair!" ellie says tears in her eyes. "you said you'd do anything." you say out of breath. your bouncing on her dick with her laying back on your bed hands tied above her head with a pair of your stockings. you refuse to let her touch you or fuck you, basically using her as your own little toy.

"please let me fuck you, i-i can make you feel so so good!" "nope." you say putting two fingers in her mouth so she would be quiet.

you throw your head back leaning over ellie tits all in her face as you keep riding. "fuck ellie." you say taking your spit covered fingers out ellie's mouth rubbing your clit with them.

ellie lets you use her because she feels so so bad for lying to you, she lays still even though it feels like torture. you moan out biting you bottom lip looking down at ellie who looks high, drool dripping out the corner of her mouth.

" ’m close els…" "please cum for me baby." ellie says before catching one of your enticing nipples in her mouth. you fully impale yourself on her dick creaming all over her. you smile down at her rising off her walking over to the bathroom leaving her tied up.

"please tell me you forgive me?"

#these two need some fluff #lesbian #wlw #ellie williams #ellie williams x reader #ellie williams smut #the last of us