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scientia-rex · 4 months

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Do you have any moisturization tips? :0

Oh DO I!

Listen, skin has two jobs: keeping you in, and everything else out. Skin has to do a lot of complicated stuff to make that happen. Skin is chock full of glands and pores and whatnot. There's dermis (deeper layer) and epidermis (shallower layer), and 99% of what we're doing from the outside is about the epidermis.

Epidermis grows in as layers--there's a bottom layer that has cells that will just keep dividing forever, and then the cells that divide off that layer will start getting pushed up towards the surface of your skin. As they get pushed up, the cells get flatter and more keratinized and eventually dead.

That "stratum basal" is where you have your forever-dividing cells. So when you start something like Accutane, you can't transform the skin layers above it--you can only start affecting the skin as it marches upward towards its death and flaking off, so you have to give it months to take full effect. And we NEED to have some dead skin. It protects us.

Skin cells have proteins that hold them to each other. The goal is to form a watertight barrier. We need to keep water in because we are basically bags of water. Different protein issues (largely genetic) can cause different skin diseases.

Our skin also has glands that make protective oils (forming a powerful anti-bacterial barrier and trapping moisture inside) and sweat (because we DO want to be able to get rid of water, but only when WE want to).

So here's the thing about commercial moisturizers: none of them can put moisture back in your skin. That's just not a thing. The very best thing they can do is keep further water from leaving your skin. This is especially important if you have eczema, where you stand a good chance (about 50%) of lacking ceramides, which are critical to forming the natural skin barrier. As water evaporates off the skin, it takes more water with it. We don't understand the other half of eczema. Psoriasis involves dysfunction of the keratinization process, which is why those plaques form.

So the best moisturizers are those that create a moisture barrier without evaporating more water off. Any moisturizer where alcohol is a significant ingredient is worthless. Vaseline, or straight white petrolatum, is the best moisturizer. It feels greasy because it is. Its job is to form a watertight barrier, and greasy chemical are a lot better at that than thinner, waterlike chemicals. Moisturizers with silicones, like Aveeno (dimethicone is the active ingredient--I know, the bottle says oatmeal, it's a liar), will provide a fairly robust barrier without as greasy of a feeling. Lanolin, from sheep's wool, is also a great ingredient for forming a barrier, which is why I like Neutrogena Norwegian Formulation. Natural oils like jojoba (the best of the bunch) can be moisturizing, but just FYI, they're a tiny fraction as effective as white petrolatum. Like, less than 10%. I'm too lazy to get up and find my Cosmeceuticals textbook to remind myself exactly how much. So if you want "all natural," resign yourself to worse.

BUT!!!! Your skin is not all the same! You have scalp skin, face skin, neck skin, trunk skin, arm skin, leg skin, skin around your genitals, skin of the palms, and skin of soles of the feet. And all of those can act different. So I can't say "apply Vaseline everywhere" because that might be too much skin barrier for your face--what if your face has oil glands that work perfectly well? What if we need a lighter, less occlusive moisturizer? That's where my personal hell was for the last ten years as I struggled to find a facial moisturizer I like! What if you have oil glands that are overproductive? You may need a totally different moisturizer than I need! No good way to figure it out except trial and error while paying close attention to ingredient lists.

Sunblock is also a good thing to have but as someone who doesn't wear it because a) I don't go outside and b) it always breaks me out, I feel hypocritical talking extensively about it. I wear "dad hats" (at least a 2" brim all the way around) and long sleeves while gardening. You should definitely still wear sunscreen, though. Do as I say, not as I do.

#the attending dr. kristophine #but GO AHEAD AND LECTURE ME ON DANDRUFF AND EAR CARE AND WASHING ONE'S VAGINA because SURELY I KNOW NOTHING right Internet #none of those idiots who jump on my other posts to well actually me know what the fuck they're talking about

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iwanty0uu · 9 months

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“𝐺𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑃𝑢𝑚 𝑃𝑢𝑚 𝑁𝑒𝑒𝑑𝑠 𝐺𝑜𝑜𝑑 𝑆ℎ𝑒𝑙𝑡𝑒𝑟“~𝓁ℯ𝓁ℯ ✧˚ · . ✧˚ · . ✧˚ · .

pt5…

He maneuvered you through the walk way and turned on the lights, as ‘All Mine ‘ began to play through the small JBL speaker resting on his bed along with a basket full of his hoodies, candy, skin care things, and flowers. He then brought out a huge target bag and gave it to you, smiling showing his pearly whites. Grills still in, mustache only a bit longer than usual made him look extra fine. “AWWWWW CON CONNN HOW SWEET OF YOU!” you practically screamed nearly dropping the bag, hugging him. Lifting you up laughing, you wrapped your legs around his waist as he placed you on the bed. “Boy fuck no I’m not laying in your bed in my outside clothes” “You’re ridiculous y/n” he sighed watching you strip, sliding off your biker shorts and folding them, and stuffing them into the portion of your bag made for dirty clothes.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Sitting criss cross apple sauce while he leaned on his dresser, licking his lips at the imprint of your pussy through your underwear. Such a pervert. A long purple heavy item was pulled out of the bag, you seen a plush white fabric on the other side, and to your surprise, it was the weighted blanket that you had been eyeing in target but was sold out when you went to buy it. “Thank you so much boo!! I literally love your whole soulll” you said wrapping the blanket around yourself. You went through the whole basket, saying thank you every time you found something new, showering him with words of affirmation and compliments. “I’m gonna go use this in the shower” you said taking the face masks and shower gel your almost-boyfriend got you. He couldn’t help but spoil you.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

It was his love language and he did it because he loved you. He was in love with you, and he wasn’t afraid to admit it, but he was afraid that he would fuck up the one thing that he cherished in his life. So Sasha helped him write a letter and made it look all Shakespeare-ish. Dipping it in coffee, leaving it to dry, tearing and burning it a little, he was so pleased with how it looked but didn’t want to see your reaction to it in fear of rejection. You left the steam filled shower all clean and lathered up in some nice Aveeno lotion ,hair neatly tied in a head-tie alone after removing your bonnet. “Ima shower too” He said quickly grabbing a towel and leaving the note on the bed. “what’s thi-“ the door shut before you could answer. “rude ass” the note was flipped over, a curious smile grew on your face, intrigued by the old style love letter. You read it, all of it, it was so heart warming that you couldn’t help the tears that fell onto your face.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

You didn’t know that he felt that way about you, it felt so good to be loved, and needed and cared for. His shower abruptly stopped as you knocked on the door. Hurrying to dry off, he opened the the door, met with a hug. “Connie I’m in love with you too, and I wouldn’t know what to do with myself without you”

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ ‘Let Me Break Your Heart Again’ by Laufy played on the speakers now.. great timing.

Relief hit Connie as tears brimmed his eyes, he was a thug but thugs cry too.. that was the most gangster thing Connie could have ever done in his life, and it was being vulnerable, vulnerable enough to admit how restless he was every night you were upset at him, every night that you didn’t warm the side of his bed the way you did during sleep overs.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

The depths of despair dragged Connie into it’s grasp and forced him to stay there until he figured out why he felt so depressed without you. But it so happened to be the reason in itself.. he was without you.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

A passionate kiss filled both of your lips. You wiped his tears away and wiped your own, wet eyelashes looked up at him as you pulled away from him. You both smiled in relief as you smooched his lips. “Baby you got abs? Yea you gettin some tonight” you said before ripping the towel off his abdomen, revealing his pretty pink dick.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

It was perfect, and you didn’t know how you were going to take it all in but it didn’t matter because that bitch had no choice but to fit. He lifted you while squeezing your ass, sliding the basket on to the floor, laying you back on the bed. He reached over to his bedside table and picked up the purple condoms you bought for him as a joke that he had saved just for a moment like this and slipped it on himself.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

He deepened the kiss again, untying your robe and throwing it on the floor along side the rest of the organized chaos. “Connie I need you so bad right now” you said, rubbing the small melanated bunch of nerves in between your legs. “Let me do that for you mama” he said, sliding his fingers inside you, “ah” you sighed. You missed the feeling of him pumping inside you like this, walls clenching around his fingers , you smiled as he let them enter your mouth,licking up your own juices made you almost cum right there. His hood lined up perfectly with your entrance, like his cock was made to fit your pretty cunt. He thrusted deeply “Ouue fuck connnn” you moaned, wrapping both legs and arms around him, lapping at his neck like it was candy, everything about him tasted sweet, He thrusted into your pussy slowly at first so you could adjust to his length, then his strokes got rough and aggressive.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

He hit your cervix with every stroke which made you go feral. Lewd slaps and squelches filled the the nearly silent room. “Fuckk this pussy Connieee”, no longer feeling his throbbing dick inside of you, you whined at the emptiness “turn around for me lovey” he whispered in your ear while you turned yourself over, he placed a pillow under your stomach and grabbed a hold of your hips, inserting his cock right where it belonged, he started back his rough pace, slapping your ass as you grabbed the sheets “fuck back” his voice stern, “fuckkk yes baby im-“ He moaned out, grunts occasionally leaving his mouth, flowing into your ears, filling the room, his words seeped through your skin, his touch was intoxicating, you were addicted to his hands and the way your body molded into him perfectly, thinking about his cock digging into the back of your pretty pussy was enough to send you over the edge.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

An orgasm blossomed inside of you, leaving thick trails of your cum on connie’s shaft, “Im cumminggggg” you whispered halfway through pleasure, his thrusts became sloppy and more like jabs, his hips staggered as you felt his them lock in place, his dick twitched inside of you “fuckk baby this pussy so tight” you felt the release of sperm into the condom inside of you, “And who’s is it baby?” he asked grabbing your neck gently kissing your cheek waiting for an answer “ all yours papa” you replied as he smirked at the rightful answer, his lips touched yours, causing you both to fall into a deep kiss that felt like it lasted forever. He left pecks all over your neck and cheeks, feeling that familiar shyness from months ago, you giggled and hid your face into his neck, covering your exposed breasts that were filled with hickeys. “Girl what you tryna hide? Like you didn’t just tell me that this pussy was mine while i was digging you out” he laughed mocking you “Nigga ill never fuck you again stop” you cheesed hiding your eyes while Connie snuck a kiss on your clit before disposing the condom, wiping himself off, then you.

ˏˋ°•*⁀➷

Now mostly clothed with connie’s shirt and your pajama shorts, and connie in some sweat pants, you both laid in bed cuddled up, lights off, mess on the floor left for tomorrow. ”That dick was excellent” you said dapping him up “I’m glad you liked it girl” he said kissing you. “Damn you love these lips” - “Which ones?” you playfully shoved him and giggled “You’re officially my boyfriend Connie” you said “But keep this between us, nobody knows what we do but they know that you’re mine.. i like my privacy.. keep these hoes wondering” he nodded and smiled at your remark, cuddling up closer to you, while you shifted some of your attention to the TV which was playing ‘The Craft’, and then back to him. He turned your head to face him fully, looking into those big brown eyes that got him here, he finally answered ,“Yea baby i like the sound of that”….

+*:ꔫ:*﹤ ﹥*:ꔫ:*+ﾟ

*also the video of you and sasha on the slingshot went viral on tik tok which made you gain hella followers that you would be shocked to see in the morning.*

That’s all folks! They’re relationship is the cutest and i hope yall ate good after getting this five parter! If you couldn’t tell, i really fuck wit purple but Lele loves all her babies~𝓁ℯ𝓁ℯ<3

1：42 𝒶𝓂

#attack on titan #black coded reader #black reader #connie x black reader #fem reader #iwanty0uu #aot connie #aot fanfiction #aot x black reader #aot x y/n #connie x black y/n #connie springer #connie smut #black women #aot x reader #aot smut #aot #aot x you

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raccoonspooky · 1 year

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Reasons why diff slashers are out there doing ~All That~

Michael Myers:

He’s got something stuck in his teeth and no matter wtf he does he cant get it. Someone take peepaw to the dentist please. He’s got an inner thigh rash from them nasty ass coveralls and probably needs some aveeno.

Honestly please wash those or get him new ones because the reason he sits up the way he does is because the fabric doesnt crease any more so he just has to very straight leggedly stand up every time hes knocked down.

Billy Loomis:

He’s abstained from jerking off for too many months, the anti nut mindset has rewritten his brain chemistry and now all he can do is ~mansplain manipulate manslaughter~ dude’s backed up so bad he can see shrimp colors.

Bo Sinclair:

The entire events of the movie happen because he was staring at himself in the bathroom mirror like a bird flirting with his own reflection. He slipped on the tile and gave himself a REALLY bad concussion. He can see sounds and taste lights. He wears a baseball hat at night and leaves his keys in the ignition, if he takes off the hat all the blood swelling in his brain is dispersed way too fast and he’ll sputter out like a de-inflating balloon.

Vincent Sinclair:

He listened to evanescence one time.

Billy Lenz:

Dude has straight up rabies. And like some weird bacterial disease that you can get from being bitten by a bat. Its actually a medical anomaly that he’s on two feet at all? Yknow that post that says that like 60% of bacteria found on NYC subways has no known origin? Basically Billy Lenz is the canadian equivalent of that.

Jason Voohees:

He’s actually a meat puppet for thousands of single celled organisms found in the lake. Imagine if your spore creation gained sentience and then it evolved itself into a giant buff guy, like ur spore creation would immediately go on a rampage duh. Dude is a macro-biome habitat of millions of critters all playing QWOP with his arms and legs.

Brahms Heelshire:

His mother was really into those baby mozart and baby einstein VHS tapes. Dude’s been weird since the WOMB. He’s also got a critical vitamin D deficiency and is likely anemic. No, he wont eat his spinach to help with the iron issue. But he will hide it in the walls and then huff and whine that something smells funny and that you should maybe go clean it up. Give him a flinstone vitamin gummy pls.

Alternatively: He’s like that because he’s bri-ish, you eat enough mushy peas in your lifetime and this bullshit just sorta becomes you. Sure, whatever! Eat beans on toast, put on a mask, live in the walls!

Any of the texas chainsaws:

Tapeworm. Why? Because its funny. Hungry ass tapeworm infested ass cannibals. Gotta eat up to appease ur worm!

OG big boy is really into that QVC old lady channel and every time the women are talking about lipsticks or lotions or whatever he’s seething in jealousy. Therefore he must kill.

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luminecent-cringe · 2 years

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John Doe/ Yb headcanons

- Guess who’s suddenly hyper fixated on these 2 (hint it’s me 😔)

- (Also if you can see the obvious favoritism no you can’t )

- I like thinking Doe and Yb are neighbors and they hate each other and it’s so funny to me

- Realistically Doe could probably kick Peters ass considering he’s an Eldridge god or something but he probably won’t

- Also it’s canon that Doe just goes by whatever gender “you” wants him to be :D so I’m just going to go with he/they because that’s what I want

- I like thinking that Yb has a couple wigs or something because that bald bitch misses his hair from back in High school

- While I don’t think Yb is a clean freak I can definitely think he prefers to keep clean. It half comes from him being a stalker and shit so he’s just use to making sure there is no sign of him being places along with no strong smells on him

- He uses those scentless deodorants and such

- (Side rant I hate those scentless deodorants one there not even scentless and two the point of deodorant is to like mask the smell of your sweat so you doing stink or something like that so literally what is the point of scentless?? It doesn’t even do it’s job that we’ll people who wear it still smell like shit half the time)

:read more:

- It’s half the reason Yb doesn’t like Doe

- Doe (if their in a good mood) might try to explain to Yb that he kinda can’t shower or anything because he’s a clay man and his body would get all fucked up

- Yb probably says something like,” what kind of god can’t even make a proper body??”

- Fighting ensues

- While Doe cannot take a bath or anything in his human form he can in his actual form sense it’s just a floating hair ball with an eye

- But here comes the second problem of he just hates water

- You kinda gotta get “you” to force him to take a bath with them or something

- Doe does not wash his hoodie

- Anything else sure but they will legit not allow that hoodie to be washed

- Doe has (against the will of Peter) met Y/N

- That’s it nothing happened they just know each other

- Yb isn’t as attached to his sweater vest and Doe is to the hoodie but he also hates taking it off to wash it

- He understands he has to and such but he literal hates it

- Yb is literally such a little bitch (derogatory)

- He does that movie shit where you can be like,” can you pass the salt” and he slide it 2 cm towards you

- Someone pls slap him he needs it

- Yb has met “You” (against the will of Doe) and he actually thinks their funny

- “You” in game even when being nice is still kinda stand-offish and Peter thinks that’s funny

- Both Peter and Doe hate it when “You” or Y/N wear makeup just for different reasons

- Doe hates it cause he’s that type of guy that’s like,” But your so beautiful without makeup 🥺”

- Legit someone slap him

- Like bitchslap their ass

- Peter just hates the texture of makeup

- He hates how it feels on skin

- Even if you wear something simple like lipstick he’ll still complain because it sticky or something

- Doe doesn’t like it when “You” take showers or baths

- He likes “your natural scent” and not the artificial scents of soaps and shampoos

- It doesn’t matter if you use scentless, something super expensive and good for your skin, or mens 4 in 1 (it’s for shampoo, body wash, dish wash, and toothpaste 😃(no it’s not a real thing I just made this up)) he hates it

- (Another miny rant I hate those 2 in 1 mens soaps. Why are men like this??? I’m happy your washing your fucking ass but pls.. a little fucking decorum??? Your not less masculine because you use Aveeno or some coconut shit like damn)

- Yb (has some fucking decorum unlike other men 😒) and changes his soap to match whatever natural flower grows where he is at the moment so he kinda just smells natural

- (Men of the world pls take some fucking notes. Like get out a pen and take some notes. I want to hear the ink being put down on paper.)

- I like thinking Yb often forgets that he is bald now so he buys shampoo and then goes to use it and just feels is bald boiled egg ahh head and then starts sobbing in the shower

- Does hair literally has a mind of its own (and sometimes tries to eat shit) so his hair is also tangled and knotted BUT sometimes “You” takes a whole ass day to sit this bitch down to wash his hair

- Doe doesn’t really mind cause 1. “You” is touching him and 2. For some reason getting his hair washed it really stimulating for him so ye good

- Doe doesn’t need to eat and Peter often forgets to eat so neither of them are a good definition of healthy

- Doe canonically doesn’t have organs and sometimes he gets sad about this

- Mainly because one time they saw Y/N leaning on Peter and listening to his heart beat. Another time Doe themself was laying on “You” and heard their heartbeat

- Now he’s just like,” I want a heart beat” mainly cause he wants “You” to cuddle him and listen to his heart beat

- He actually did try to make one ☝️

- It just was really shitty because he didn’t know wtf a human heart looked like

- Eventually he went to Maison and asked if he could get them a heart for reference

- D: Could you get me a human heart for reference?

- M: wtf… why do you need one for reference? I could just give you one and you could use that!

- D: Oh yea! Your so smart :)

- God pls someone stop these inhuman idiots

- It’s also canon that Doe makes organs just to leave them in “You’s” house so yea they probably just left the human heart there in the end

- Peter actually considered doing something like that to Y/N when he heard Doe does it

- Once Y/N found out (probably from “You”) they had to remind Peter that Doe is some weird god thingy and Peter is not

- Peter had considered trying to kill Doe but decided that’s just too much trouble

- Doe has considered the same thing and there is nothing actually stopping them from carrying through with it besides them just being more preoccupied with “You”

- Yb is really embarrassed by high school him

- One time Yb walked in on Doe eating teeth and has not been the same sense

- The only thing Doe and Yb ever bond over is one their love for “You” and Y/N and that they both like baby rats

- Yb used to have one when he was a kid but the rat bit him and Yb’s parents had decided to kill because they didn’t like the rat anyways

- Doe just thinks their cool :D

- Doe has been alone for legit centuries. So 1. He hates being under stimulated and 2. When too much happens he gets overstimulated and then starts to cling on to people he likes

- So basically just “You”

- He needs that perfect balance of stimulation

- “You” has started buying him those stim toys (the ones that are like normal rings or bracelets) for him to mess with

- Sometimes Peter makes fun of Doe because Peter actually went to school unlike Doe

- Then Doe is literally like but I know everything in the actual universe

- They are so petty

I just need some new space

- Doe also likes having some form of human contact no matter who it is

- Peter cannot fucking drive

- Like he has terrible road rage

- Being in a car with him is scary 💀

- Like make sure your buckled up

- Doe on the other hand is scared of cars

- He just doesn’t like the sound they make

- Also the idea of putting his life in the hands of other people who are dumb on the road scares him

🍅🍅

- Peter when he was in High school used to egg peoples houses when he was upset (Peter that shit only happens in the movies get your shit together 🙄)

- Doe usually doesn’t eat anything sweet, not because he doesn’t like it but because if he eats too much his body might start to melt and shit from him being so hyperactive

- He likes gingerbread men for some reason

- Peter has a long tongue pretty sure that’s canon I can’t remember but sometimes you can find him using it to like lick the very bottom of an empty can or something

- You know when you watch children try to absolutely lick the last atom of pudding in a pudding cup or something? Yea that’s Peter

- Yb actually dislikes physical contact and tries to avoid it as much as possible

- One time “You” and Yb joined forces to bathe Doe with something scented

- It didn’t work as planned and long story short Yb is now semi scared to be in Doe’s house

- Peter likes to clean, but is often either to lazy or busy to properly clean up like he would like too

- Both Yb and Doe have phones but neither of them use it that much. Somehow tho they both have like a million cracks in it. Like wtf where you wrestling with the fucking phone??? What happened??

- Doe and Peter get flirted with a lot by those like 13 year olds “e-girls” who call themselves milfs at the mall 💀

- Peter used to have a tongue piercing but he doesn’t wear it anymore because it often got stuck in shit too much

- (I don’t know how else to phrase this head canon besides that one video where it’s like,” you said how I get to it address?? … … Don’t even worry about that bruh!?”)

- Yb has stalked Doe to see what he does throughout the day and why people even like him and found out he either spends his days with “You” or is just not there

- When Doe actually doesn’t have anything to do they just stop being

- Like they go into their unnatural fabric of space where only they (and any other Eldridge being) can resides

- Basically he no clips out of life

- From there they like to watch “You” and maybe sometimes other humans to find out how they act normally

- Other times Doe just wanders around the city just window shopping

- I’m sure Doe has rules and shit on what he can and cannot do and I may or may not write a couple of them down

- Doe can only really do his weird warping shit in areas he controls. Not necessarily just something that really is his but in a place where it’s just naturally either accepted or seen as his

- Yea if the area is considered his he can control it and the stuff in it

- Peter is just one those people who just like don’t get sick

- Like legit bitch could walk outside in -69 degrees in shorts and the next day he is still perfectly fine

- Peter is a dry texter and does not read sarcasm in text

- You can say something sarcastically and he’ll be like,” Noooo Honey what did I do 🥺?? Why are you upset? How can I make it better 🥺🥺???” Like bitch pls I was joking 😭

- At least he immediately tries to make it better!!

- Both Peter and Doe are the type of guys to not argue with “You” and Y/N and just agree with them that their in the wrong even if their not

- They also almost always try to immediately stop the argument

- BITCH PLS I JUST WANT TO ARGUE

- Also the type of people to instead of just listen to you complain about something and sympathy they will actually try to solve the problem you complain about!?

- Like once again.. BITCH PLS I JUST WANT TO COMPLAIN 😭

- I don’t actually want solutions to my problem get with the program

- 🙄

- 😩

- Anyways

- You can legit hide and Doe’s hair

- Like it will grow and shit to surround you and you can hide in it

- Y/N once did this to hide from Peter

- It worked

- One time Yb got mad and went to cut Doe’s hair with scissors as “a prank” and the scissors legit broke against his hair

- The boyfriend was too stunned to speak 😟

- Doe is that kind of person to just knock into every item possible and then be like,” where did I get all these bruises??”

- Peter has jokingly stabbed Doe before and Doe just kinda stood there

- They don’t really feel pain sense they didn’t know humans had nerves that helped them feel pain and therefor did not make any so he doesn’t really feel pain

- Peter has a high metabolism so that skinny bitch could eat a whole kitchen and still weigh like 110 at the most

- Peters favorite class was history. He thinks it’s romantic (no I will not go further into that)

- Meanwhile Doe actually likes science (I will go into detail about this one)

- He finds it funny that humans made up their own numbers and reasons to explain some of the shit they can’t explain

- They found reason where there is non besides a higher being

- (Sidenote I can go off forever about this concept and debate about it on both ends but I will not)

- Doe finds it funny how self centered humans are at times

- Peter is actually a great example of this

- What’s even funnier is Doe themself are another great example of this and if anything further proves why humans have somewhat of a right to be so self centered

- (Once again I could talk about this concept for hours but I won’t so abrupt switch of topic so I don’t keep going)

- Peter is legit such a bad driver

- I know I already said this but I have to say it again, don’t get in a car with this man

- Doe is like a dog, like he sticks his head out the window

- And any other body part at that

- Doe also has like no concept of normality

- Like if their is a problem like they can’t all fit in a car he’ll suggest cutting someone up and putting their pieces in the trunk until they get there

- Peter dead has to remind Doe that THEY ARE NOT ALL FUCKING INHUMAN AND CANT JUST PUT THEMSELVES BACK TOGETHER

- Peter sometimes get upset because he can’t just change his body or anything if Y/N doesn’t like him like Doe can

- Peter just overall gets upset that Doe can simply do more than him

- Peter is the type of person to like walk into your room at like 7 am, open your curtains and be like,” Rise and shine honey!”

- Doe will literally hiss at the sun

- (I’m throwing another character Maison into these because I’ve been simping for him recently too)

- But that’s basically the house guy

- It’s canon that his body is just bait but I like to headcanon it’s more like his tongue

- He doesn’t NEED it to eat his clients but sometimes he wants to taste them

- Yb and Maison actually get along quite well :D

- From a business standpoint anyways

- Meaning when Yb doesn’t like someone sometimes instead of him killing them he’ll fuck up their house and then suggest they go to Maison for a new one

- Usually Maison ends up eating that person

- So it’s a win win for both of them

- Maison actually dislikes the texture of teeth, so he gets little baggies and gifts them to Doe

- It’s only recently he does that tho. He gets more clients now (due to Yb) so he doesn’t have to eat body parts he doesn’t like

- Maison doesn’t know how to drive because he’s never really had to

- Maison is absolutely disgusted by Doe. Like how dirty he is. He gets that his body cannot support water or whatever but he believes then Doe should work harder to find an alternative

- Maison can’t go outside of Uncanny Valley

- Yb used to be in music club back in High-school

- He played both guitar and piano (he also knows how to play the bass but he doesn’t like talking about that one)

- Yb has a love hate relationship with summer. He likes it because it means Y/n is more likely to be outside and he can watch them doing some more stuff but on the same hand it’s hot and he sweats a lot and I already said he hates strong smells. Besides their are now too many people around that might flirt with Y/n or something

- Doe and Maison don’t have that same problem because they can just get rid of their sweat glands or whatever the fuck

- (I forgot why tf people sweat. It’s like an internal cooling system if I remember correctly)

- Btw if you try to explain something body related to Doe be careful. Explain it in depth and as best as you can. For example with the way I just poorly explained why people sweat. Yea if you used that same explanation for Doe he might not get it and then he’ll believe humans have small air conditioners in him.

- “You” look!! I have a cooling system too so now it’s not super hot for you during the summer!!”

- If you get close you can feel the soft cool air of an a/c

- He’s trying his best okay

- Thank them‼️🙄

- Doe really like fluffy things

- Like pancakes

- Both him and Maison like to eat them with marmalades instead of just regular syrup (same it’s so fucking good 😩)

- Maison and Yb only really like actual tea that needs to be like made in a teapot

- I say that to really emphasize this next head canon

- Doe eats that ice tea powder

- Like the Lipton ice tea mix powder. Ye they just eat that shit

- It’s actually any powder

- Like Kraft (🤢) powdered cheese or whatever he eats that too

- Doe is not the strongest in Uncanny Valley as the creator said but he is hard to kill

- I will say he is definitely stronger than Maison

- Not by much but he definitely is

- (A little bit of context for the Maison head canons in one ending of House Hunted Maison is kinda sad to eat “You” because he actually enjoys their company because they weren’t difficult and just does kinda goes with what he says)

- Oh also I’ll change this if I’m wrong but Maison goes by he/him

- Okay, so Maison just naturally likes more “submissive” people (I can’t think of another word for it 😭)

- It’s mainly because he just likes hearing his own fucking voice

- But on the other hand he wouldn’t like someone who is just a follower and agrees with what he’s saying just because

- He wants someone who can hold an intelligent conversation but at the same time will allow him to just go on

- And Jesus Christ this motherfucker will not stop talking if you don’t stop him 🙄

- Legit will stand there and lecture you for hours

- He actually enjoys talking to Peter

- But then it might turn into them insulting each other or some bigger argument

- Mainly cause Maison will say something like,” I mean, if *I* was Y/n I wouldn’t like you cause your not very gentlemanly.”

- Fighting ensues

- Maison (like Doe) made his body (but unlike Doe) it was only to lure people in

- Practical use only, when not trying to eat people he normally just lets that body go limp and instead just lives as the house

- The only time he really uses his body anymore is to lure some buyers into to eat and whenever he wants to spend time with “You”

- It’s only then he (and whoever else) realize that his body doesn’t function at all. Like it can’t smell or physically feel anything. The only think that really works are his eyes and ears (and even those are a bit iffy)

- Unlike Doe he cannot just change his body to do what he wants. He would kind of have to cut his fake body off entirely and then start making a new one, which could take an annoying amount of time

- Besides he already like what he calls,” The perfection that is my body right now.” So he doesn’t really care to make a new one

- If Doe notices that “You” might be spending more time with Maison or something he would get pretty jealous. But unlike any other normal person or even weaker deity in Uncanny Valley he can’t just scare or kill Maison off

- Cue a very pissy Doe

- I’ll probably think of a way later but I can’t imagine how anyone would kill Maison

- Doe is admittedly hard to kill

- Mainly because it’s actually confirmed that his hair can split apart from him in these little hair ball forms and if their just left alone for a while they can start to just grown into another Doe

Okay so this is old. No I will not be writing for YB 1. Just because I personally don’t really care for him and 2. Because I don’t like nor support his creator. I’m just dumping this because I’m just emptying out some drafts and a friend of mine used to really like YB. I will write for John Doe or Maison tho :)

#john doe #john doe game #john doe x reader #john doe x you #house hunted #house hunted game #Maison x reader #Maison

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andiitom · 2 years

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okay so really weird asks but i need this..! okay so a fem!mc like sharing her items with thhe first year.. uhm like her scrunchies, lotion and perfume🥰

OMG yes bestie i lowkey was already writing something like this is the best motivation for it cuz I did this a lot with my male friends!!

also sorry for being gone I been popping in perodiclly I recently had prom and graduation is like in three weeks, and I've been picking away on some asks they should be all rolling out at some point this week lol

Ace

He's literally shaking, shitting and crying mc why won't you give him the scrunchie!?

He'll buy a 1000 more just give him the red one with hearts literally fits his aesthetic.

"Goddamn 'ol begging ass.. here" "Yay!"

Won't shut up about it like he doesn't post much on his magicam but it's all he posts about for weeks.

does use lotion like that but after Mc called him ashy he started using it more but he uses some shit like aveeno.

then during class saw Mc pull out some neon green monstrosity she claimed to be called Waikiki Beach Coconut.

Lowkey didn't know he could smell like baked goods cuz like all his lotions previous were all scentless.

So you telling him he could've smelt like cherry pies?? Or Strawberry pound cake?

In the same line if using Mc's lotion Ace would love using her perfume cuz sometimes he wanna smell like 'Hawaiian Ginger' than 'Evergreen Musk' after basketball practice.

Deuce

He doesn't put much thought into getting one of Mc's scrunchies then Ace makes a big deal about it and it's all downhill from there. Won't out right ask but he's staring Hella hard at Mc's wrists when he see her wearing one.

"D-do you want it?" "Yes…"

He often used his mom's lotion but they were all old lady scents and Ace bullied him into changing lotions.

Loves Mc's Unicorn Fruit body butter sadly she had to tell him the body butter isn't edible.

nobody cannot change my mind this man uses axe body spray. Everyone knows a dude who axe bombed the hallway in between periods and that guy is Deuce.

he wont ask for it everyday but Mc's bold bloom spray collection reminds him of his mom.

Jack

Pretends he doesn't care when Mc comes to him to complain about how the others are taking her scrunchies.

The day Mc gives him her scrunchie he is so happy but he'll never admit it out loud..

"If you don't want it Jackie I can tak-" "NO! N..no.."

He's lived in the mountains in the Land of Pyroxene and in the Savanaclaw dorm.. so he's used to being dried and chapped but he'd only ever used some shit likr o'keeffes.

then he saw Mc put some shea butter on her elbows during PE but she ended up putting to much on her hands and asked if he wanted some

holy shit the shea butter agave lotion Mc let him use.. Jack never felt so nice and soft.

NATURAL MUSK ALL THE WAY BABY

again like Deuce but for special ocations he'll ask for anything with lavender or aromatherapy

Epel

Huffs and puffs about it. He stares longingly at Mc's wrists anytime he sees her wearing one.

"I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS MC!" "What..?"

He's literally the only one who uses it as a hair tie, he totally shows it off to Jack when they in classes.

It was a while before he used Mc's lotion but got over himself when she called him dusty in earshot of Vil.

Loves Mc's cocoa butter and Vaseline but hates cuz during fall-winter Vil got in the habit of slathering Vaseline all over his face(hated when my mama died that)

it'll be a cold day in hell before he uses Mc's perfume he'd hafta be desperate to ask to use some.

like if he forgor to shower after magicshift practice and has a meeting with vil he'd ask for that flowerbomb perfume.

Sebek

Yeah he totally doesn't care Mc gave everyone else her scrunchie.. only the common whores do that. He so doesn't care… it's not like he's crying himself to sleep over some fabric and rubber. Yeah cuz he's not losing sleep because of that.

"Mc please be a dear and give the poor boy a scrunchie he's in shambles." "Oh.. okay Lilia…"

So Mc just grabs his hand and puts it on him. 404 Sebek just fuckin crashed. it's funny seeing someone like Sebek wear a green floral print scrunchie.

You crazy if you don't think Sebek lathers himself with lotion; he gotta be presentable to WAKA-SAMA.

But lowkey likes the shea butter it mixes well with the cologne he uses.

he's another it will be a cold day in hell before he asks for some perfume, but then again a sucker for anything aromatherapy

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland headcanons #disney twisted wonderland #twst imagines #ace trappola #deuce spade #jack howl #epel felmier #sebek zigvolt #female!mc x twisted wonderland #fem!mc #implied poc reader #this shit brought back some memories #shocky still hasnt given me back my bonnet #or my pick #still kinda salty

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