#Which... Great. They seem way happier and I'm genuinely happy for them (although in my selfish aromantic way) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

baka-writings · 3 years

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𝘈 𝘋𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘖𝘯𝘦 - 𝘒𝘪𝘮 𝘠𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘨𝘣𝘪𝘯 & 𝘓𝘦𝘦 𝘚𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘩𝘺𝘶𝘬 (𝘚𝘍9)

Warnings: angst, smut (not a threesome), probably car sex, fuckboy!Dawon, language, unprotected sex (reader is on birth control), mentions of past trauma which includes triggering themes such as harassment etc; If this is something that might trigger you, please don't read this as it will be slightly detailed

Summary: There was something going on between you and Dawon, you weren't dating but weren't fwb either. You had a crush on him despite his fuckboyish lifestyle, because before when you talked he himself said he liked you, so you thought it will be okay. But it wasn't. What will happen?

Word count: around 4k (rip)

This gonna be very long honestly, so prepare yourself. Also this is written in a huge time interval so please read everything, because it might not make sense If you skip something. It's starting in the past and continues until present day. Also² I was not naming the members, they were always "your friends" and "your brother" because I let you choose who your brother is so I didn't want it to be weird

Thank you for reading🖤

𝙇𝙚𝙚 𝙎𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙝𝙮𝙪𝙠;

Many see him as that handsome, funny and talented guy. All of that is true, but what they don't know and don't see is the fact that he can have and he in fact has every girl who wants him. It always pissed you off, because you had a huge crush on him, but yeah you're not the only one as you can see. Sometimes you thought about how lucky those girls were, but on the other hand you pitied them. You shouldn't be worrying about such things though, it's not like he'd ever feel the same way as you feel about him. Not with these girls around anyway.

His friends knew how you felt about him and they felt sorry for you. Not the pitiful sorry, but the sad one, because they knew your feelings were genuine, but they will never be returned; not from Sanghyuk. Your brother (choose which member you want as your bro, except Dawon and Youngbin) always joked that you can have one of his friends who were your friends as well, but that's not the same. You can't just throw the crush on someone away in seconds. However, the sight of him fucking every bitch that passed him hurt you everytime. You were living like this for five months and nothing has changed since then. Well you knew your brother was right, there was a certain someone with a crush on you so by time you could develop a relationship, but it's not that simple. You're not like Sanghyuk. You can't just "love" one person today and another one the next day. You wouldn't be able to even If you tried. Not gonna lie all of this was getting to you. No sleep, lot's of anxiety and stress. Your brother and his friends started to notice that, but you always shut the off so they didn't bother you. Throughout the time you hung out with them, even Sanghyuk joined sometimes, which always lowkey made you happier, because he actually talked you nicely, hugged you, was close to you as If he wasn't fucking that girl he came home with last night. Why was he so affectionate all of a sudden? Honestly you knew something was off and you weren't that naïve to actually think he'd like you or that he'd actually date you and ditch his bitches. You were long over it.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Week by week after those few times he hung out with you, Sanghyuk was having less and less girls around himself, that made you suspicious. You didn't want to ask him about it, it's none of your business anymore, okay honestly it never was your business plus you were starting to slowly fall out of your whole crush thing. But there must've been something wrong with Sanghyuk. He casually talked to you whenever you dropped by, actually sometimes replied to you in a group chat the 10 of you have. Before he always ignored it or just replied with an emoji. Is this a prank? That's the only thing that came to your mind. There was no way he was being nice to you just because he wanted to. You told one of your friend's what was happening and all they told you was 'you should be happy'. But should you really? This was not making you happy, suspicious and intrigued yes, but not happy.

You continued to play his little game for weeks. You got a bit closer to each other and in that period of time you haven't seen him with any other girl. You could maybe give him a chance no? You asked him what happened and how come he wasn't doing whatever he was doing before. His reply was simple, only a 'because I like you now so I'm not touching any other girl'

He liked you.. at that time. You asked him about the 'now', because to you it sounded like 'I want to fuck and dump YOU now that's why I'm nice' But even If so, you couldn't believe he was not around any other girls? What If he really liked you?

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

Your relationship has been going on & off for about 2 months. It was weird, because you were close, but not dating neither fucking. Even your friends and your brother actually believed that he is finally normal and that you guys would be probably dating anytime soon. However to be super honest, surprisingly it wasn't him who didn't want to date, it was you. There was still some kinda of tension from your side towards him, even If it's not that visible. You just couldn't really 'submit' to him...for personal reason he didn't know about. No one knew, not even your brother.

Some time has passed and Sanghyuk was starting to be a bit more impatient and became touchy and demanding with you. Of course you didn't like it. Now it was all getting to you, he wanted you now as he said before, which meant the exact same thing you thought before. But you didn't want it and he didn't understand. You said no everytime he tried something. It was all getting really uncomfortable, because he didn't care at all. You were just another one of his fuck toys.

You didn't know whether to cry or yell at him. You fell for his charms again and he let you down..again.

That one day you finished earlier at school/work and your brother and friends had a week off so you thought to visit them in their dorm without announcing yourself. You were greeted with a hug from your brother, however he seemed a bit... stressed? When you asked him about it, he said it was nothing so you brushed it off. As you walked inside, you were greeted by some of your friends as well, some hugging you, some just waving. You were talking about your days, schedules, weather, anything that came to your mind. Which also reminded you of a certain someone. Although your relationship was getting worse after what he did, you still low-key cared? Yes dumb.

But when you asked them where Sanghyuk was, they all got nervous and avoided the question. You wanted to call them out, but right at that time he was walking with not one, but two girls who obviously weren't his "friends" at all. Oh so he was at it again.

Everyone could see how your expression changed. He was just standing there, laughing with those bitches as If you weren't there at all.

"This is what "liking" me looks like? I thought...well I hoped you'd actually stop with all of this" you were looking straight into his soul.

"You hoped for what again? You didn't even let me touch you, how could you even expect me to keep liking you" he replied with no regret, not even after he realized your brother was literally in the same room. They all stood shocked and angry.

"You know shit about me, I knew you were an asshole, but I didn't know this much" you told him.

"Yet you still 'loved' me. If you'd let me take you, one of these would be you" he motioned at his hoes, disgusting you.

"You know what, fuck off all 3 of you" you stormed out as fast as you could, letting your tears fall.

••••••••••••••••Present Time••••••••••••••••

Now you're alone, sitting on the beach during s peaceful looking evening/night. You don't know when you got there, but it was so quiet there. All you could hear were your sobs. Right when you stormed out of the dorm, your legs took you the furthest they could. Now you knew you could let it all go and cry until you couldn't anymore, because you were alone, which was bad but also good at the same time.

Your phone was buzzing like crazy, probably messages from your brother, you though. You didn't want him to worry so you checked all messages which mostly said "where are you" and "are you okay?" . No you weren't okay, not at all.

It buzzed another time, but this time it was not your brother. It was a message from Youngbin. Great. You had nothing against Youngbin, but didn't want to talk to anyone, but you checked the message anyway. Maybe because you had that soft spot for Youngbin? He had a crush on you, which was known to you, but he never said or tried anything, because he respected you and knew you liked Sanghyuk.

The message said:

Where are you? I'm going to pick you up

You were hesitant to reply, but told him where you were. After some time you saw someone walking over to you, since it was dark you couldn't recognise who it was, only when they got closer you recognized the person - Youngbin.

He say beside you, silently scared to speak up.

"I'm sorry" he said quietly.

"What for? " you didn't look at him. You didn't want him to see your puffy eyes. But he knew anyway.

"For everything that happened" he said in a rather quiet voice.

"It's not your fault.." right, it wasn't his fault, he only felt sorry for you..

"But you don't deserve what he did" you laughed at his response. It wasn't meant to be rude, but you couldn't help yourself.

"Maybe I do" Youngbin took a breathe and wanted to say something, but you continued

*TW ahead*

"All of my relationships were the same" you still haven't looked at him

"Was cool at first, but then?" you giggled again

Youngbin was looking at you, waiting for you to continue what you wanted to say.

"...then I became their sex toy only. They thought they can touch me and make me do things anytime" he still listened hatefully.

" And the word no?"

" It was like an invitation for them. I could've screamed and begged them to stop, but no use. No one could hear me" Youngbin was looking at you with wide eyes, not daring to say anything.

“It would be a lot easier If it happened once... but it was two times in two different relationships” you continued

“So I asked myself, what’s wrong with me that it had to happen so often” you were tearing up now, so was Youngbin, but he decided to speak up.

“There’s nothing wrong with you, trust me”

“Then why did it happen?” you raised your voice and looked him in the eyes. He didn’t know what to reply, your situation wasn’t easy and he was scared he’d hurt you. Oh If you just knew how he loved you.

All of this was making him mad. How can someone hurt you? He’d never imagine hurting you, both physically and mentally. His blood was boiling as you continued.

“At that time it was so hard for me and honestly I wanted to end it all, but I stayed strong” Youngbin got closer to you and hugged you carefully. You let him.

“So when Sanghyuk touched me it all came back and I realized he viewed me as one of his many girls as well”

Youngbin spoke up “Does your brother know about all of this?” You shook your head no.

“He knows them, what do you think he’d do?” You looked at Youngbin.

“Most likely murder them” he half asked half said.

„That’s right plus he is busy with his own things“ You replied

Youngbin was still hugging you which strangely calmed you down. Affection usually made you jumpy or scared for obvious reasons, but Youngbin’s hug was so soothing. You let your head fall on his shoulder as you sighed.

„I just don’t understan why does this always happen to me. I just want to be loved“ you sighed again. Youngbin was a bit hesistant, but spoke up

„I can show you real love“ he knew it sounded a bit better in his head and by the look on your face he was scared that he messed up.

You raised an eyebrow. Since you knew he had a crush on you it didn’t really surprise you, but the timing was kinda wrong.

„Oh? Please be more specific, I don’t want to end up like before“ your face was too close to his.

„I mean...you probably know since your brother can’t shut up, but I really love you and I’d never hurt you“ you looked away not knowing what to say.

„That’s what all of them said and look“ what you said sounded a bit harsh, but he understood very well. It’s not easy to trust someone after all you’ve been through.

„I understand and respect whatever your reply is, just wanted to let you know“

The word ‚respect‘ was stuck in your head. Is actually someone really ready to respect you? Deep down you knew what he’s saying is true. Youngbin is that person who’d indeed respect you.

You looked at him, worry in his eyes visible.

„I’m sorry I shouldn’t have-“ you cut him off with a kiss. He was caught off guard obviously and fell on his back, your upper body on his.This is crazy and you know that. Honestly If it was someone else you’d not have done that, but you knew how he felt about you. And never stopped liking you despite your obvious interest in Sanghyuk. Maybe Youngbin was the person who deep down kept you from completely sumbitting to Sanghyuk?

When you stopped kissing, you’d expect yourself so sit up, away from laying on Youngbin, but you did the opposite. Youngbin was looking at you lovingly, but still worried. You kissed him again, more passionately this time, showing him you really trust him. He of course kissed back, to deepen the kiss he brought you closer to him.

He pulled away giving you one of his smiles.

„I’m sorry to break this moment, but we’ll get sick If we keep laying there“ you nodded when you realized you were still on the beach late at night. You got up, cleaning yourself of sand as well as Youngbin did the same.

„Tell me your car is close“ Youngbin chuckled at your comment.

„Lucky for you, your car is right here“ he pointed at himself. You raised an eyebrow, it sounded way too dirty, but you stayed quiet since you didn’t want to ruin the mood.

„What? You don’t want a ride?“ he smiled innocently. Your eyebrow was still raised.

„I’ll gladly ride you then“ his eyes darkened after your reply. Well Kim Youngbin I can play too.

„Careful what you wish for“ he pointed out. You smiled at him innocently as you jumped on his back for a ‚ride‘.

He was carrying you all the way to where his car was. Throughout the so called ride you were hugging him tightly.

When you reached his car, he let you stand and wait until he unlocked it so you could climb inside.

„But I don’t want to go back there“ you looked at him with sad eyes.

„I know, don’t worry we’ll go somewhere else“ he smiled. You took a ride throught the city and stopped near plain field and hills? It was too dark for you to indetify where you were, but everything was better than going back to dorms and see Sanghyuk’s asshole face. Youngbin found a nice place where to park and from where you can actually see the night city. You stayed in the car as it was cold outside and what would be the point of leaving your previous place, because it was cold just to get to another place and go outside, right?

You were sitting in silence, but it was a peaceful silence.

„Thank you“ you spoke up and smiled at him.

„What for?“ he smiled back.

„For respecting me and letting me trust you“ he was touched by your kind words and wanted to show you how much he respected and loved you.

„Show me how much you love me“ You almost choked on what you just said. It wasn’t meant to be said out loud.

„Are you sure? I don’t want to hurt you“ you nodded. A confirmation was enough for him to continue. His eyes changed from worried and unsure to loving. He leaned in to kiss you. You climbed over to him and sat on his lap, never breaking the kiss. Youngbin’s hands were carefully traveling all over your body. His kisses were passionate and deep. You’ve never felt such kisses before, before all your kisses were forced as well as everything you were about to do with Youngbin. You’ve never felt real love in any aspect, you were ready and wanted to experience it at least once.

You broke the kiss, stared into his eyes and kissing him again. At this point no words were needed. Your hands sneaked under his hoodie and shirt, feeling his toned body. Youngbin’s hands were under you shirt too. His hands were almost everywhere they could reach. You moaned into the kiss which made him turned on, you could tell how hard he got under you.

You couldn't help but grind yourself on his lap, earning a moan from him. His hands rested on your hips, guiding them as you were still moving them over his covered member.

"We should move this to the back" he said between kisses. You got off him and move yourself on the backseat as there was more place. After climbing over himself, he attacked your lips again so did his hands your body. You moaned into the kiss, earning a smirk from Youngbin. His lips traveled all the way to your neck and collarbone, leaving marks everywhere his lips touched you. You bucked up your hips to meet his sadly still clothed dick. This time it was his time to moan.

“Please it’s too cold for this, just take me” you half pouted half moaned. Youngbin’s smirk grew wider signalling to you that he understands. He stripped you off your pants and panties in one motion. When you wanted to do the same to him, he grabbed your wrists and pinned them over your head.

He chuckled "Next time sweetheart" While pinning your hands with one hand, he stripped himself with the same motion he did to you. It was impressive honestly how he managed to do all that with one hand. Youngbin kissed you while he entered you slowly, letting you adjust to him. The sudden friction made you moan into the kiss and Youngbin was loving it.

His hips started to move, thrusts slow but deep hitting all the right spots. You were still restricted from moving, but wanted to be as close to him as possible. If it was even possible to be honest. Your legs sneaked around his waist, keeping his hips where they should be.

His both kisses and thrust were becoming sloppier, even his hand left your wrists so he could support himself and not falling on you. His growls turned into low moans, mixing them with you own higher ones.

Youngbin felt your walls clenching around him which meant you were close and he knew it. That made him go a bit faster, coming right after you did. He gave you a few more thrusts, but keeping still inside yourself.

"Y/N, I'm sorry...I promise you none of this will end up the same as before, I love you" he kissed you.

"I love you too Youngbin"

"..and Thank You"

The End.

74 notes · View notes

khaleesiofalicante · 3 years

Note

in holt's voice: Pain. That's it.

Today hasn't been the best but HEY I HAD THESE PRECIOUS BABIES TO KEEP MY COMPANY

He looked exhausted like he hadn’t slept at all.

alec...

I'm already sad and ready to murder

the baby...

David had never lost someone he loved.

this is fucking foreshadowing isn't it

But real strength was not in surviving the presence of pain. Real strength was in suviving the absence of love.

despite the chaos I'm glad to see these two interacting

The Consul leaned back in his chair and ran his hand through his beard. David had to admit, he looked damn good with it. Even if it made him seem even more intimidating than before.

yes boy YES

it's really hard not to smile right now but my camera is on and im supposed to be finding meanings of foreign words based on my own knowledge so-

JACKSON

“Max is too old for me to tell him what he is and isn’t allowed to do,” the Consul said – although he didn’t sound very happy about it.

MY TEACHER ASKED ME THE FIRST QUESTION IM LOSING MY SHIT

It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be okay.

let's hope so

Facts and figures, babe, Max had kissed his cheek last night. Dad likes facts and figures.

deep breathes

it'll be ok

“You’ve done your research,” the Consul nodded. There was a hint of approval in his voice that made David want to do a cartwheel.

AWWWW

“I’d like to take care of the New York institute,” David said now. “Because Jace Herondale and Clary Fairchild took care of me.”

And for the first time that evening, the Consul smiled. David wanted to burst into song.

AHHHH

this is beautiful

David couldn’t help but find that endearing. He wondered what it felt like to be loved like that. He wondered what it felt like to have a father like that – a father who couldn't stop loving his child even for a moment.

A love that was endless and tireless.

Every time he was in the presence of the Lightwood-Bane family he was reminded of what he had lost and what every child deserved.

It made him sad.

But then he would remember. He would remember that Max had grown up knowing nothing but this. Max had grown up with nothing but love.

It made him happy.

alright come here let me hug you

UHUHSCUICDUH "Why do you not like me"

“I know I worry too much about Max,” the Consul said, his smile sad now. “But I can only worry now. I won’t always be there to worry over him.”

it's 9 am boy

THESE TWO REALLY BE ASKING THE TRUE QUESTIONS

"Why are you scared of me" HSUHYUKDUMKDS WELL YOU SEE-

all we can really do is replace the bad memories with happier ones...

“No,” the Consul said, and David’s heart almost stopped. “I mean, of course I care. But I don’t have to be hard on you to show you that I do. There are many ways to show people we care about them without hurting them.”

David thought of his father then. He remembered the way his father had drawn the agony rune on his wrist and promised him it was because he loved David and wanted him to be strong. The memory hurt.

Jace and Clary bestest

“I’m sorry for whatever I did to intimidate you,” the Consul apologized.

that is so alec oh my god 😭

David looked him in the eye. “You’re Alec Lightwood.”

The man looked confused. “Is that supposed to mean something?

I'm smiling so much right now because yeah

yeah I get what he's saying

David hadn’t known that boys were allowed to kiss other boys – not until he heard about Alec Lightwood’s Accords Hall kiss.

David hadn’t known fairy tales existed outside of books - not until he heard about Alec Lightwood adopting a warlock baby with Magnus Bane.

David hadn’t known love can literally change the world – not until he heard about Alec Lightwood changing the world for the man he loved.

don't make me cry during linguistics

“Well,” the Consul chuckled. “To be entirely honest, I did all of that for Magnus.”

as he should

“Everything I have ever done has always been for Magnus,” the Consul said, his voice oddly soft.

we're talking about some wall in class and im here trying not to cry

my teacher just asked why some of us have our cameras off WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY

“I don’t want to be a hero,” David confessed honestly. “I just thought if I ran away to a city full of heroes, they would protect me if someone tried to hurt me again.”

“What’s that?” the Consul frowned, pointing at his neck.

By the angel! David was going to have words with Max when he saw him again.

“Uh,” David said. “Mosquito bite.”

AHHHHHHHH MOSQUITO BITE

“Do you remember when Izzy got attacked by a demon in Edom?”

“And you drank my blood,” the Consul rolled his eyes.

“Aw,” the Dean of the Academy chuckled. “You do remember.”

poor David is stuck between them talking like this IM SCREAMING

He remembered the way Consul had blamed himself when Max had found the spoils room at the York Institute. The way he had believed he should have done better when his eldest son had been traumatized by foul rumours of the Clave.

oh honey no

There were people who got mad at themselves when things went wrong.

There were people who got mad at everyone around them when things went wrong.

While Alec Lightwood was the former, his son and David’s boyfriend, was definitely the latter.

I'm definitely both

“It wasn’t your fault,” David spoke up then. “When bad things happen to people, it’s because of the people who did those bad things. We shouldn’t atone for someone else’s sins.”

“Yeah. Stop atoning, dude,” the Dean said chuckled. “Listen to the boy.”

YES EVERYONE LISTEN TO DAVID

“And be careful,” the Consul said, his tone a little different now.

“I will keep an eye on-”

“No,” the Consul said and pointed at the hickey on David’s neck. “With Max. Be careful.”

David was pretty sure his face on fire.

OH MY GOD

IM SHAKING

“Um, we have the internet,” David pointed out.

The Consul blinked. “Right. Of course. The internet.”

yes

ao3 and Wattpad

KIDS DON'T GO ON THESE WEBSITES AT 11 JUST DO NOT

“If he gives you a hard time, don’t give up,” the man whispered like it was a secret. “You just need to weasel your way into his life.”

David chuckled. “Is that what you did?”

yup

“Yeah, and then he had the audacity to get accidentally get drunk and confess his love in the middle of the night.”

AWW SHE'S TELLING GIGI ABOUT THEIR PAST

“I did have a latte,” her mother said with a straight face.

Georgia didn’t find that funny.

I almost said "BECAUSE IT'S NOT FUNNY" before I realized that is exactly what I would've said

She knew her mother, like so many other people in her life, preferred to use humour to cope with the pain. They preferred to hide their pain away from other people.

Georgia never understood why people did that. Did they think others didn’t know what pain felt like? Everyone was in pain all the time – some kind of it at least. Everyone knew how to cope with it. So, it made more sense to share it than to carry it all by yourself.

i...I never look at it that way

Apparently, hand holding had special healing abilities at times like this.

yeah it really does

Georgia had hoped to find out herself. She had wondered so much about the baby.

tears. literal tears

It didn’t matter that Georgia had wanted to name the baby Abigail after the first iron sister. It didn’t matter that her father wanted to name the baby Jonathan to piss off Uncle Jace.

Abigail Jonathan Lightwood-Lovelace

FUCK OFF AND LET ME CRY IN PEACE

People said that poison was a coward’s weapon. But Georgia didn’t think so. It wasn’t easy to make poison. It wasn’t easy sneak it into the right place at the right time.

Whoever did this, they were not cowards. They were smart and they should be feared.

yeah, what did happen during the trial?

uh is Selena ok?

like genuinely

is she just a very heavy sleeper or...

MARYSE

Because sometimes the only comfort you needed was your mom.

yeah...

Except for random parts of the house that were incredibly organized – a sign Uncle Jace had been there

Yup.

“I’m staying in New York, mom. I’m going to help Selena and the centurions find out who did this to me,” her mother said, her words a promise. “And once I do, I’m going to strangle them with my whip.”

Yes you will

Anjali and Rafe

please be ok. please

HOW ABOUT WE DO A TRADE

ZARA'S LIFE FOR ANJALI'S 😄

ok I know that's not how it works but IM DESPERATE

her bedroom seems amazing though

Rafael gave so much shit to his dad because the other man had the habit of watching his husband sleep.

But now he sort of understood the fascination.

AWWWWW

“You do ballet?” he asked, holding up the ballet shoes.

slightly reminds me of rosa

OK WHO AM I KIDDING SHE TOTALLY DOES

the red binder

it's fucking genius

David can keep his flowers and cookies and scarves.

This, what he held in his hands right now, was the best thing anyone could ever give him. A file full of reforms to make the clave better.

IM SCREAMING

“You think I want to die and leave the Council in your cishet hands?”

YES BESTIE

“I don’t care what the Clave needs,” Rafael snapped, and Anjali momentarily looked taken aback. “I need you.”

he needs her

FUCK IT TIME TO CRY

“Bulgaria is known as the land of roses,” Rafael told her. “The Sofia Institute is built in the middle of a rose garden.”

“Oh,” Anjali’s eyes momentarily softened. “I like roses.”

you know that tiktok trend? the one which goes "listen it's a good joke it's a great joke even but i need you to stop" or smth like that?

yeah

His hand was itching to reach out and hold hers. So, he did just that. He reached out – very carefully – and took her hand in his own.

“I need you to get better, Anjali,” he whispered. “Cause I would very much like to take you there.”

HAND HOLDING

no she's not becoming a vampire

The part that was the shadowhunter – which told him she didn’t deserve to die over some angelic mishap.

The part that was the future Consul – which told him he needed Anjali on his side.

The part that was a Lightwood-Bane – which told him he should never give up fighting.

And then there was the part that was Rafael – just Rafael.

It told him he had to save his heart – no matter the consequences.

we're talking about some powerplant in geography and I'm crying over this

Anjali please please don't die

“Not everything,” Rafael told her. “I know someone who can help.”

WHO

GIVE ME A NAME

“Well, now we don’t know that for sure!” Max grinned. “Who knows what they get up to? Maybe there is someone occasional boning in the bone city.”

“How does manage to get more insufferable every time I meet him?” Jackson demanded.

i...never looked at it that way

OH JACKSON IS BECOMING A SILENT BROTHER

Max grinned widely at the other boy. “You wanna be my immortal buddy, Jack-Jack?”

OOP-

“The boys are back” he yelled, hugging David and Jackson. “Ty, our boys are back! Yas! The London Boys are back!”

THE LONDON BOYS

“Okay it’s a little disrespectful when you call her by the same name you call me,” Max pointed out.

“True,” Jackson nodded. “Irene shouldn’t be disrespected like that.”

YUYZXYSCGYZCGYUCUIZCVUH SCREAMING

"It’s hard being a celeb,” Max sighed dramatically.

“He is referring to the chaos you unleashed the last time you went there,” Jackson rolled his eyes. “People still remember you.”

“I’m memorable. It’s not my fault,” Max shrugged.

Max no more gambling bestie

“If the assassination attempt on Magnus had been successful, we wouldn’t be sitting and talking like this,” Kit pointed out. “The nephilim and downworlders would be at war.”

As they should. No one hurts Magnus

“So the target isn’t just Magnus Bane?” Jackson asked.

“Possibly,” Ty nodded. “The Consul and his husband…They are the ones who united the shadow world – with the Alliance. With their marriage. So, it’s not surprising that someone – seelie or not – wants to break it all down.”

with every line, I get closer to a breakdown

“There are people all around me to protect me from demons and crazy assassins,” Max smiled. “But you…You protect me from myself. So, don’t give me that I’m not good at protecting bullshit.”

so precious...

“Now let’s go find out which dumbass thought it would be a good idea to try and kill Magnus Fucking Bane.”

i have a few torture methods in mind

If shadowhunters couldn’t fight demons, it would put both downworlders and mundanes in danger. His father’s Clave – small as it was – did their best to keep the demons at bay. They were the only thing keeping the shadow world safe from demons.

Ikr?? Like David said earlier Alec's clave is literally the one doing the actual shadowhunting.

“Jackson is incredibly smart and perceptive. He knows what is good for him, David. He chose you to be his best friend. He has accepted that his family is gone for good and is finally focusing on his future. If this is what he wants to do and if this is who he wants to be, then you should trust that he has thought this through. He wouldn’t have chosen this life if he thought he wouldn’t be happy with it.”

TRUE

ALRIGHT WHO TF IS BEHIND ALL THIS

i just want to talk 🙂

“Great,” Max said, feeling frustrated. “So, someone created a fancy new poison just to kill my parents.”

“They did say something else,” Kit said, his tone worried. “The poison…It’s not entirely made of demonic properties.”

“Oh?” David said.

“It’s a mixture of angelic and demon properties,” Ty Blackthorn said. “And we know that-”

“Seelies,” Max whispered. “They have both angel and demon blood.”

Is anyone else scared?

GASP

WHAT IF

It's an angel and prince of hell working together?

ok that seems highly unlikely

“I don’t think you have a choice, bud,” Kit giggled. “Mina will have your head if you don’t get married. She has been working on a Pinterest board for years now.”

KIT

WHAT THE FUCK

OH MY GOD KIT

NO NO NO

HE CAN'T BE DEAD

NO FUCK NO

I'm absolutely loving all this angst so much. You said chapter 9 was the most angsty and frankly I can't wait :p

now...IF KIT AND ANJALI DIE I WILL BE VERY VERY SAD but the angst potential with Anjali though...NOPE NOPE NOPE. MY GIRL'S GONNA BE INQUISITOR I KNOW SHE WILL.

AHHHHHH THIS CHAPTER WAS A LOT LMAO.

I love how you are complaining but also thirsting for angst yall crazy.

I hope you are taking care of yourself and working on your entry for the competition!!!!!

Also the "we're talking about some wall in class" killed me lmao I laughed so hard fdhvjd.

#lbaf

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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 4 years

Text

The Best Things ~ J.V. (part 12)

A/n: I would like to apologize for not marking warnings on each part like I should have been. I get too excited to post and skip over them on accident. I’ll do my best to add them from here on! Also, I was adding the warnings as I wrote but then they didn’t save so I tried to remember them as best I could. If I forgot anything, I sincerely apologize.

Warnings: Recounting past trauma (physical abuse, homophobia), explicit talk of death, badly handling others’ trauma, light smut (foreplay: slapping, choking, degradation, daddy kink, handcuff restraining, brat/dom dynamic, punishing, teasing, masterbation)

Word Count: 5200+

MASTERLIST

The air was so thick with tension that a knife could have cut through it. No matter how much Harley was fighting his instincts to lounge and be himself - the self Jeremiah was used to, at the very least - he felt like he had to be the self he used to be. The one Bruce was expecting. Jeremiah knew Harley was trying too hard, and Jeremiah was far too easy to read - which meant that Bruce knew too. So Harley sat there trying to behave and Bruce sat there brimming with suspicion and pain and hesitation and Jeremiah sat between the two boys, wishing this had never happened and he could just escape the two brothers who seemed seconds from either running or fighting.

Echo, as if sent from God, walked into the room with a pitcher of water. They were at Jeremiah's instead of Wayne manor as Harley had absolutely no intention of being back there or anywhere near Alfred. The butler was far too good at accepting change, which meant that the man might pick up on the fact that Harley was no longer Y/n and the whole thing would fall apart. Honestly, it seemed like so much work. Harley wasn't sure why this plan was so important but Jerome was feeding off of it so Harley did it anyway because he'd said he would. If this is where Jerome lead, Harley would follow.

"So," Echo cut into the silence as she walked around pouring drinks. "How is everyone this evening?"

Harley smiled at her, amused. She was poorly hiding a sort of awkward expression that was dashed with a little humor. She was mocking them in her head; Harley could almost hear what she was thinking. A bunch of dumb boys sitting around a table unable to swallow their pride. Idiots. "Oh you know," Harley mumbled casually, shrugging. "Indulging." He motioned to his food but his words were obviously directed at the ambiance.

"Having a good time?" Echo asked.

"Not at all," Harley immediately answered with the same casual, chipper tone. Jeremiah choked on his drink as he laughed at the exchange. The humor delivered saltiness in Harley's voice and the passive aggressive mocking in Echo's had always been an exchange that could make Jeremiah chuckle at least a little. Echo and Harley were very good at banter and it lightened the mood significantly every time they went at it. After all, it was just in good fun. Bruce seemed to relax as a smile curled everyone else's lips. "So... Harley." His lips seemed to want to reject the name.

Harley's smile dropped. Hearing Bruce call him that made him uncomfortable. Not just because he was nervous about Bruce not calling him Y/n as he had all up until this point but because he had cut Bruce out of this new life very purposefully and now... he was in it anyway. "Yes?"

Echo sighed and left the room as she sensed Harley jerk back, even with her attempt to loosen everyone up. Jeremiah focused on his food. Bruce looked at Harley but Harley did not look back, instead choosing to stare at the door Echo had gone through. "Why Harley?"

That was an easy question. "When I was in Arkham, a few of the guards used to beat the shit out of me every single day to try and convince me to be straight." Harley looked Bruce in the eye when he said this, completely calm. He had long since gotten over it. "They even put me in isolation to keep me away from people who might protect me or care about me."

"Jerome." Bruce didn't form it like a question.

Harley answered anyway. "Yes. But see this is a smaller world than everyone thought and my therapist, Harleen Quinzel, became my friend instead. She's like me, but for girls." Bruce nodded, accepting that. "They couldn't kill me without having to mark me as a loss. That and they'd have lost their punching bag. To teach me a lesson, they killed her. And then made sure the TV that was never supposed to be on the news would be on the news, on just the channel and at just the time that would allow me to see her bloody, bruised, cold, dead body strewn out for the public to see. And no one gave a single shit because no crimes in Gotham get solved unless someone important is involved. And even then- well, you know first hand."

Bruce's expression grew very dark. "I didn't know."

"Of course you didn't," Harley purred, still eating as if he was talking about the weather.

Jeremiah has stopped eating. "People are really like that?" His voice was small and his eyes moved to Bruce, his hands tightening around his silverware as if picturing Bruce's face cold and dead and staring at him through a TV. Bruce felt his eyes and looked back to Jeremiah, but the red head averted his gaze to Harley instead. "I mean, people really act like that just because of... how someone loves?"

Harley nodded, swallowing the food in his mouth. It tasted like sand but he kept eating it. It made him feel powerful to while the others in the room had forgotten their food altogether. Although... Perhaps he hadn't chewed it as well as he thought because it felt as if it had gotten stuck somewhere along the way. A thick lump had lodged for a second and a sick feeling had settled in the bottom of his stomach. He hadn't thought about that image in so long... the daily bearings and the isolation and the one ray of light he'd gotten being extinguished and displayed because he had dared to be himself and therefore allowed her to do the same. Because they were different than how most people were.

"Do you know who did it?" Bruce asked.

"Yeah." That didn't seem to be the answer Bruce was expecting. "This isn't great table conversation," Harley eased, changing the subject. "But that is why I go by Harley. Do you like it?"

Bruce shrugged. "Do you still go by Wayne?"

Internally, Harley sighed. "Harley Quinn."

At that Bruce nodded. "You're not coming back are you?"

Harley laughed dryly. "You're not very good at casual, light conversation are you Brucey?"

"Don't call me that," Bruce snapped, body going stiff.

Rolling his eyes, Harley sat back in his seat. "Why not?" It came out harsher than Harley had meant it.

Meeting hostility with hostility, Bruce got angry as well. "Because that's what Jerome called me, and after how many times he tried to kill me it's not a name I like."

"Get over it," Harley sneered. "It's just a name and we're in Gotham. Trauma is kind of a part of life here. Adapt or get trampled."

Bruce jerked back. "Get over it? Since when are you...?" He trailed off, as if hesitating, before his face set and he finished his sentence with a much harder tone. "Like Jerome."

Harley felt his knuckles turn white. "Stop saying that like it's a bad thing." "It is!" Bruce hissed.

Harley shot to his feet, dropping his silverware on the table. Jeremiah flinched but Harley didn't notice. Bruce did. "Look, Jerome is fucked up and dark and broken. He doesn't have a grip on reality or know how to human because he wasn't fucking treated like one. He killed people. He was crazy and insane and unhinged and dangerous. Yeah! You know what else he was? He was understanding and accepting. He got why people lived their lives differently than he did and didn't really judge anyone, ever. He thought they were boring and chose to live differently, sure, but he lived to make people laugh and have fun. Maybe his sense of fun was fucked up, but he genuinely just wanted people to laugh along with him for once. He didn't hide who he really was. He wasn't ashamed. He didn't shun me and shove me in a corner and try to change me. He accepted who I was. He CELEBRATED me. I'd rather be with him than at this stupid fucking dinner or anywhere near you because I'm not some poor gay boy who needs saving. I'm strong and I matter and I FINALLY love myself, and you won't ever take that away from me because you see self respect and see Jerome because no one taught you that you are more important than everyone else. I refuse to sit here and let you try and turn me into some pathetic whiny brooding mess who's never happy because my priorities are fucked up. I won't be you. That isn't my goal anymore."

The room was dead quiet. For a long time, no one said anything. The brothers just stared each other down until Bruce shook his head. "Perhaps this was a bad idea."

Jeremiah pinched the bridge of his nose. "You guys are idiots." The other two in the room looked at the red head with shock. "My brother is dead, and honest to god it's a relief that he is. He's out of my life and I'm safe from him. I never had the chance to have a real relationship with him. I used to read the newspaper about your family and think that you guys were some kind of dream. Two brothers that loved each other despite everything and parents that were like... actually good people on any level." He sighed. "Obviously I was wrong. You're too busy trying to make him how he used to be." This he directed at Bruce. "And you're too busy hurting and bottling up your emotions and pushing everyone away to let anyone care about you or see the real you." This was for Harley. Jeremiah didn't stop when both other boys went to speak though. "Just shut up and make this work because you guys are the only true family you each have left. Harley, you grew up and I have to say you wear your changes very well. You're happier and sturdier and if someone isn't happy about that then they're insane. Right, Bruce?"

The Wayne boy hesitated before giving in. "Yeah. I am happy for you. I should have started with that. I just... I'm scared for you."

"Why?" Harley demanded, exasperated.

"Because I don't want you to become Jerome. I don't want you to end up like that. I don't want you to be some criminal, when you used to be the best person I knew. You said your life goal used to be being like me? No. I wanted so much to be like you. You couldn't speak about a huge part of you, but you accepted it with the knowledge no one else ever would. I refused to even look at the fact that I'm attracted to guys until you and Jerome got together and then..." his eyes shot to Jeremiah and then back. "Things happened and- and you were always so bright and happy and free. Like a bird in flight or- something." He shook his head. "You were inspiring, Y/n. Seeing you like this... it looks like you've been broken. And I just want to bring back that light you had before. When you seemed so much happier."

"I'm not broken." Harley looked at the boy who was supposed to be his brother. The boy who used to be his best friend before one lie after another had pulled them further and further apart until they were on completely opposite sides. Secrets had torn their relationship up into so many little bits it could never be repaired. They were just too different now. "I'm not lost or struggling. I'm just not... sitting there and pretending all the bad things aren't happening. The friends I have now actually like and respect me as a person, not just because I'm Y/n Wayne. I'm myself, proudly, and I wear my experiences as a reminder of what I can endure. Things hurt less. What you see isn't some poor boy waiting to be saved. It's darkness. And maybe that scares you, because you're used to hiding your darkness. But darkness, Bruce, isn't a bad thing. Darkness is what makes us who we are. Like everything it can be used as a weapon, but Darkness itself isn't dangerous. What you do with it is."

Bruce considered that for a long time. "That... is a good point."

Jeremiah released a breath. "So... truce?" The boys looked at each other before shrugging. Harley sat back down. Jeremiah seemed pleased. "Okay, now lets talk about something a little more pleasant."

"So you mean literally anything other than what any of us have been up to recently?" Harley sassed. Jeremiah shot him a look. "Okay fine whatever." He searched for some light conversation. "So you guys are like boyfriends now or what?"

That seemed to make Bruce and Jeremiah both blush and the air in the room cleared significantly. Harley pulled off being cheery and invested as he teased and prodded and asked questions and engaged. Things almost seemed like they used to be when Bruce and Y/n would sit with their parents and Bruce mentioned a girl and Y/n would go off about how he was going to be the best man or the world would surely end... but Harley wasn't Y/n and Jeremiah wasn't their parents. This wasn't Wayne Manor and as good of a server as Echo was, she wasn't a butler. She wasn't Alfred.

Under the light tone, Harley formed a plan. A plan he carried out as he and Bruce began to hang out more and more as time passed that night and stretched for a while. Jerome became nocturnal in favor of being awake when Harley finally returned at home. The boys would spend some time together and then sleep and then Harley would wake up and go out and spend time with Bruce and Jeremiah again. Slowly the time with the other boys began to cut into Harley's time with Jerome and both he and Harley were getting restless. They'd begun arguing about it.

"Stay in tonight," Jerome whined.

"Bruce wants me to come back to Wayne manor tonight." Harley sighed, an odd expression on his face. "I've finally earned his trust and am getting along with him - as much as it pains me. I think Jeremiah is talking to him when I'm not around, convincing him to behave and respect my boundaries. He calls me Harley and has stopped expecting me to be the person I used to be. I don't know, I think he'll be enough to convince Alfred though I might have to try a tad harder." He rubbed his forehead. "Soon I'm sure I'll be chummy with them again and that'll definitely lead to interacting with all of Bruce's friends - which will be a whole other adventure of its own."

Jerome huffed. "If you're going back to Wayne manor, won't Bruce want you to move back in?"

The thought had occurred to Harley if he was being honest. Where did he draw the line in being buddy buddy with his brother again? Where did he stop things? How far did Jerome want him to go? "Probably," Harley voiced, shrugging. There was a long pause. Jerome was more guarded than he usually was and it set Harley on edge. When the red head did speak, it was in a dangerously quiet tone. "Would you go?"

"W- would you want me to?" Harley was distracted by the way Jerome's Adam's Apple moved when he swallowed.

Jerome hummed. "So this is still about what I want?"

That made Harley defensive. "You think I'm dealing with my arrogant brother because I want to?" It had a biting edge to it.

"And what about my brother?" Jerome pushed.

Now Harley was confused. "Jerome I did all of this for you. To convince them you were dead so you'd be free to have some free time and then make your grand entrance whenever you wanted to. I did this because you asked me to." Jerome rolled his eyes. "You've been gone a lot. You come home... lighter. You enjoy your time with them."

"I'm sorry, you WANT me to come home miserable?" Harley sneered, his hands coiling into fists.

Jerome's eyes darkened. Harley realized what was happening. Before he could react, Jerome's hand shot out, fingers curling around Harley's throat. Jerome pressed his boyfriend against the closest wall, his face close and words sharp like knives. "You're getting angry again. Talking to me like that, as if I'm one of our dumb brothers or that blonde idiot Jeremiah carries around. You might have been gone for a while now, but SURELY not long enough to have forgotten to respect me."

Harley gasped, eyes fluttering closed. Jerome's grip wasn't dangerous but it could go that way if Harley wasn't careful. Jerome only ever got like this when he was frustrated. Usually when he was bored and wanted to do something other than sit around. To be fair, he was cooped up which was something he HATED to be. He hated feeling trapped. And on top of that Harley had been spending less and less time around the place. It was a miracle the redhead had behaved so long. Harley had spent more nights with Jeremiah, talking to Bruce so late into the night and fake catching up and playing nice that it was just easier for them both stay at Jeremiah's. Alfred had even gotten used to a simple text from Bruce letting the older man know where he was and that he was safe. If Bruce wasn't home by 10pm Alfred had come to expect that he wouldn't be back at all. It had become a sort of habit.

Perhaps Harley had been a tad neglectful.

He sighed, letting his guard down and releasing all the tension he'd gained from being around Bruce. Jerome didn't deserve this. "I'm sorry, you're right." Jerome didn't let up. "Oh so you shoot me puppy dog eyes and say sorry and that's supposed to be it?" Harley could feel his insides warming as Jerome grew closer, the air in the room slowly becoming infected with sexual tension. The sudden mood change was hard for Y/n to switch gears to, even though he was immediately eager. "You've forgotten who you belong to."

"I-"

Jerome's hand tightened on Harley's throat, cutting off any attempt to speak. "What was that?" Harley coughed a little as the initial shock took him off guard. His eyes fluttered but he could still breathe which is what mattered. "Come on, Harley. Come on, Y/n." Harley jerked at the name. "Is that what you want me to call you? Is that who you want to be?"

Harley wasn't dealing with that shit. His body jerked, arms wrapping around Jerome. He pulled hard, twisting to turn Jerome around so he'd have to let Harley go, or risk hurting his arm. As predicted, Jerome let go. Harley twisted their bodies with extreme force, pushing Jerome's face into the wall aggressively. "What the fuck did you call me?" He growled. The words were raw from his throat being a little sore. It made Jerome smile. "Answer me. Now." Harley let his free hand thread into Jerome's hair. He pulled, the red head squirming underneath him as it began to hurt. "I said, now."

"I called you Y/n," Jerome answered softly. His tone was half reluctance and half defiance. He didn't want to answer Harley like he'd been told to, but saying the name again did give him power.

Harley leaned back, pulling Jerome away from the wall just by his hair. He dragged him over to the bed. "Kneel. Now." Jerome was giggling as Y/n hurt him, getting off on the pain. "NOW, Valeska!" Jerome smirked, taking his precious time with following the order. When he was down, Y/n maneuvered his face into the bed. "Stay there. If you move, I will know and you will be punished. I will be back in a moment." He left Jerome there, ducking out of the bedroom to the trunk in the bathroom, shoved in the closet. He opened it, pushing around some things they'd collected in their time together. This was the stuff they used when things got more kinky. Handcuffs Jerome had gotten from cops even before he and Y/n were together. Rope from a construction sight. Some things were specifically from sex stores - stolen of course.

Ignoring most of it, Harley grabbed the handcuffs and went back into the room. He returned to see Jerome had indeed moved. In fact he was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning back on his hands. He was smirking at Harley, a dare in his eyes. The red head seemed to be expecting Harley to lose his shit, but Harley didn't. Instead, he got very still, thinking. That seemed to actually make Jerome nervous.

Slipping the handcuffs into his back pocket, Harley slowly approached Jerome. His eyes cut into Jerome's soul, his jaw so tightly shut that Jerome shivered. "What, you think you're going to look at me and-?"

Jerome didn't get to finish his sentence. Out of nowhere, unexpectedly, Harley backhanded Jerome, causing the sitting boy's head to snap to the side. The red head was shocked, but found his stomach twisting with the familiar sensation of arousal. This wasn't like when he was a kid. Harley was calm and controlled - even his hit was direct. There was a safety in the way that Harley controlled himself. Jerome didn't fear him. It left room to enjoy what was happening. Harley gripped Jerome's jaw, bringing the red head's brown eyes around to meet his. "What did I say when I left the room, Jerome?" Harley not using a pet name in a sexual situation made Jerome shift nervously. Was Harley actually mad? "You told me not to move."

Harley released a breath, smirking as he got turned on just by getting Jerome to answer his question without being pushed. When Jerome was being bratty, he refused Harley any amount of control. So when he let up even the smallest amount, it never failed to excite Harley. "And what did you do?" Unwilling to let Harley win twice in a row, Jerome shrugged. Harley slapped him again. The red head blinked, breathing sharply outward as he felt the stinging on his face. "I moved."

A hum came from Harley as he stood, crossing his arms. "You know I had to punish you for using the wrong name, but it was going to be pretty light. Now..." Jerome shivered under that look - like Harley was trying to figure just how to kill him. "I'm going to take your clothes off Jerome. If you fight me, you'll get immediate punishment do you understand?" Jerome nodded. Harley rose an eyebrow.

"Yes, Daddy."

That seemed to please Harley. He stopped glaring at least. First Harley removed Jerome's shirt. Then he gently nudged Jerome, and the redhead followed the flow and laid back on the bed. Harley then removed his pants, and his socks one at a time. Slowly. Jerome felt himself get antsy. "Do you want something, baby?" Harley asked evenly.

"I'm fine," Jerome responded.

Unfortunately for him, his erection gave him away. "You don't want me to do... anything?" Harley asked again, pausing to look at Jerome very carefully.

The redhead looked back for a long time, a battle happening between the two men. Jerome lost. "Jesus Christ Harley, touch me."

That got Harley to smile. "Ask nicely J, or I'm going to have to punish you." Jerome went to glare but Harley reached up, threading his fingers through Jerome's hair and pulling roughly. "Listen here bitch, I'm not here to mess around. You're going to listen to me or you're going to regret it, understand?" They had come a long way since having sex in a cell and trying to keep quiet. Back then, Harley had fumbled and blushed a lot and been overwhelmed very easily. Back then, Jerome would stretch out, getting comfortable as he bossed Harley around - a true power bottom. Or, he would top, and then he'd get very soft and quiet and affectionate... Well, compared to how he usually was when he was impossible to please and degrading to an extent that had driven Harley insane.

Now adays, things were different. There was a huge power play between the two men constantly, and endlessly pushing buttons. What would often happen was that Harley would be a bit of a brat but otherwise let Jerome blow off steam, unless it was a day that Jerome desperately wanted Harley to "take hold and ruin" him. A direct quote from the ginger. On those days, Jerome did what he did best: he kept talking. He said all the things he knew would piss off Harley the most, like calling him by his old name. He would make Harley snap and then Harley would retaliate exactly how he wanted.

Not today.

"Fuck, you're such a baby," Jerome grumbled, rolling his eyes. "I'm bored with you playing daddy, I already know all your moves and we both know that you're just going to give me what I want anyways. You're a soft top, Sweetheart." He was smirking, proudly flaunting the power he usually had over Harley.

Today though, Jerome had pushed him too much. After all the shit he'd gone through with Jeremiah and Bruce, hearing Jerome call him Y/n had pushed him in a way that had sent him over the edge. And if he was being honest, he had his own frustrations. He wanted to run free as much as Jerome did and break things and scream as loudly as he wanted and sock his stupid brother in his face any time he dare even mention Jerome's name in Harley's presence. He was tired of behaving. He was tired of feeling like some toy. He was tired of being used. He was really, REALLY fucking tired of being ignored, too.

Harley's smile was dangerous. Jerome looked at him, unsure of what was going through the other boy's head. "You know, you have a little too much attitude for someone who's currently desperate for me to touch him. You want something from me? You need to learn some respect." Harley reached over, grabbing Jerome's wrist and forcing it toward the top of the bed. It happened so fast that only when Harley had used one cuff to get Jerome's right hand, and then had threaded the second cuff through the bars at the head of the bed, did Jerome react.

"HEY!"

At the outburst, Harley didn't hesitate to slap Jerome again. The redhead gasped, body shivering. He would absolutely never admit it, but this kind of aggression had always turned him on, when he was comfortable with the person. He'd wanted someone to be like this with him for ages, but not many people were willing to go far enough to please Jerome Valeska. By the way Harley was looking at him right now, this time might be different.

"I didn't give you permission to speak. Granted, I didn't tell you to shut up either so I'll be forgiving, but if you shout at me one more time you will regret it." He gripped Jerome's other wrist, cuffing that as well. Now Jerome's hands were over his head, trapped by the cuffs and the bar. "If you want to say something, I want you to address me first. I will allow you to continue then. Or I will not." Jerome hesitated, then nodded, intrigued by this side of Harley even he had not the pleasure of exploring before.

What came next surprised Jerome. Harley didn't take him right there, rough and hot. He didn't move slowly around and tease until Jerome wa a desperate mess of begs and whimpers. Harley didn't touch him at all. In fact, he moved off of the bed completely. He left the room even, returning a moment with a chair. Only then did he undo his own clothes, only lowering his pants enough to allow himself access his erection. He didn't even pull his pants off all the way! Jerome felt completely exposed, tied up and naked for viewing pleasure, when Harley was so far away and completely dressed.

To Jerome's intense frustration, Harley sat down on the chair and began stroking himself, eyes on Jerome. Harley's eyes were wide and lust blown, his tongue flicking out every once in a while to wet his lips. After a while, his eyes fluttered shut and his head tilted back just a little as a small moan came from him.

Jerome shifted. He was getting uncomfortable with how long he'd been hard without being touched, and watching Harley be like this was not helping. Jerome really liked to be involved in sexual acts. He had gotten rather pouty anytime Harley was caught masterbating, and there had been an unspoken rule that Harley didn't really restrain Jerome for stuff like this. If Harley wanted to be touched, Jerome would touch him. They both preferred it that way. This was ridiculous, and frankly rude. Jerome wasn't going to give Harley the upper hand. This was a low blow and he wasn't going to let Harley get away with it.

As Harley continued though, getting more into it and completely ignoring Jerome, it was becoming increasingly hard to keep his mouth shut. Trying to play it off like he didn't care as much as he did, Jerome finally spoke up. It had seemed an eternity for him, but it had actually only been a few seconds and Harley had to swallow his smile to not give himself away. "Okay Harley, very funny. Let me touch you. I'm sorry I called you the other name. You know I can do this better than you can. Let me out." When Harley continued to ignore Jerome, the cuffed ginger raised his voice. "LET ME OUT!"

"Why?" Harley growled, eyes finally on Jerome again. "Because you told me to? Because you asked me to?" He stood, pulling his pants up again. "I'm not your little bitch Jerome, you're mine. You want to kill someone? Fine. You want to steal or break something? Fine! But you don't call me by that name. You don't mess with me, because I'm all you got. If you want me to leave, you ask like a big kid."

Jerome's lips twitched, slowly rising into a smile. "Are you actually mad at me?"

Harley grinned. "No, not really." They both cracked up, losing it for a few extended seconds. Then Harley cut off and Jerome faded into quiet, soft chuckles as Harley began to speak. "I respect you, J. My little joker." He moved towards the bed, caressing Jerome's cheek. The ginger leaned into the touch, his eyes closing. He fed off of the contact, as if it was a drug or he was starving and the gesture fed him. Harley smiled softly. "You gotta respect me too. You don't have to piss me off to get me to break you, joker. All you have to do is ask me nicely, like a good boy. Do all the bad things you want. But not to me."

A sigh escaped Jerome, and then he finally gave in. "If I behave will you let me out? I want you to touch me. Please."

That pleased Harley. "That's what I wanted to hear." He leaned back a little, eyes scanning Jerome's exposed body. "I will let you out. And then it's time to play for real." His eyes glinted with a darkness that made Jerome jerk in expectation. Needless to say, Harley didn't disappoint.

Story Tags: @wanna-plan-world-domination

166 notes · View notes

iwritefanficion · 4 years

Note

Could you do some Sanders Sides hcs with them comforting reader when she's sad? I'm feeling empty and sad myself, and I need some comfort... Thank you if you can -&

Of course, my dear! I’m sorry you feel that way and I truly hope this makes you feel better! I’m not sure if you want romantic or platonic, so I’m just gonna do romantic.

Warnings: Remus

Roman

-Whenever you’re feeling down, you know you can always turn to the brave Roman! He will face any beast for you, even if the beast is yourself.

-His first instinct is to coddle you with so much affection you don’t know what to do with yourself! He’ll hold you close, arms caging you in so all you can do is focus on him.

-He’ll pet your hair, combing his fingers through the strands. If you’re sitting, he’ll move you to his lap and cradle you in his arms.

-You can be sure he will pepper your face with kisses.

-He’ll ask what’s wrong. If you tell him, he’ll listen carefully, comforting you while you do. If you aren’t up for talking, he’ll try to keep you occupied.

-Roman will sing to you. Whether it’s Disney songs or just some soft melodies he knows, he’ll sing softly in your ear, easing all your troubles. If it’s not singing, Roman will talk to you. He’ll tell you about his adventures, about different ideas for videos, anything. He just wants to take your mind off all of your worries.

-All he wants is the best for you. He wants to make sure you’re safe, you’re happy and you’re comfortable. He hates to see you upset. You’re the most important person to him, and the last thing he wants is a frown on your face!

-He has a very hands-on approach, which may not always be effective. If you don’t like him, all you have to do is tell him, and he’ll back off. The same goes for if you want some alone time. He may not understand why but he’ll definitely obey your requests.

-He’ll do whatever it takes. No task is too big or small. Not when your happiness hangs in the balance.

Patton

-Patton is the heart, so he’s much better at reading your needs. He can tell you’re sad even when you’re doing your best to hide it. He may not be great at reading and dealing with his own more unpleasant feelings but he certainly knows how to read you.

-The first thing he does is ask what’s wrong. Why are you sad? Did something happen? What would you like?

-He knows that assuming what you want could only lead to more trouble and be counterproductive. So he wants you to be clear with him, even in tears. Do you need anything to drink? Do you want physical affection? Do you want a shoulder to cry on? An ear to listen? Some cookies? Alone time?

-He’s the best at doing whatever he can to make you feel better because his instincts are always spot on when it comes to emotions.

-Desperately wants to know you’re okay. You are his first priority, and although he wants to curl up to you and tell you everything is okay, he’ll wait until you want it.

-If you do give him permission, he will bring you the comfiest spot in his room, with warm blankets, hot chocolate and cookies, and just snuggle with you. Whether you only wish to cry, or maybe sit in silence, that’s fine. If you want to talk, he’ll listen carefully.

-He knows, at this stage, to treat you delicately. Hold you close, press gentle kisses to your face, neck and shoulders. He’ll pet your hair, nuzzling his face into you, just to give you some peace.

-Will try to cheer you up with cheesy puns. Even if it makes you crack a smile, he feels satisfied. Your happiness is his priority and everything else will be at a standstill. He also won’t let anyone else bother you while you’re in the state.

-He might not like to deal with his own sadness but has no problems helping you with yours.

Logan

-If you come to Logan when you’re down in the dumps he has two immediate thoughts:

-First: Ugh. Emotions.

-Second: Why are you coming to him with help for emotions?

-However, as soon as he gets past those two general thoughts, he’s more willing to help you out, even if he had no idea what to do. Poor confused baby.

-He’ll ask you a series of questions to try and get a better handle of your situation and what you would like him to do. Things like: do you want to be comforted? Would you like to talk about your problems? If you do, would you simply like him to listen or offer advice? How would you like to be comforted? Would you like physical affection?

-The list could go on. Once he gets a better sense of what’s going on, he’ll be happy to help in any way possible. You are the person he chose to give his “heart” to. Even if he’s not 100% comfortable with the situation, your happiness takes precedence.

-If you want physical comfort, he’ll lay with you on the bed, letting you curl up with him however you want. If you don’t, he’ll let you lay on the bed while he sits on the edge.

-His next objective is to distract you from the unpleasant thoughts that seem to plague you. If he can reach a book, he will open it and start reading to you. Just give you something to focus on, instead of letting your mind get overwhelmed with your own emotions.

-If he can’t get to a book, he will simply tell you random bits of facts and tell you about some fascinating stuff he learned. It doesn’t really concern him whether you’re really listening or not, he’s just trying to use his voice as something for you to keep your thoughts straight.

-The moment you want affection, he’ll give it to you. He’s usually not the most affectionate person in the world but that will change the moment he knows you’re not in a good place and you need to be comforted.

-He’ll kiss your head, running his hands up and down your sides and back. The moment he feels your body stop shaking and the sobs stop coming out, he’ll let out a small sigh of relief and let a tiny smile cross his face.

-He’ll do whatever you want so long as it makes you happier.

Virgil

-He’s a mix of both Patton and Logan. If you come to him while you’re in distress or crying, his first reaction is to panic. Why are you crying?! What happened?! Did someone hurt you?! Are you upset with something he did?!

-He’s not sure what to do at first. Do you want to be comforted? Or will touching you make you more upset? If he asks you what’s wrong, will you be mad at him? Or do you want to talk about it? The last thing he wants is to stress you out more, and the possibility of that makes him itch with anxiety.

-However, once he figures out exactly what you want, he’s really good at comforting you. If you want to be held, he’ll plop you on his lap and embrace you. He’ll tell you everything will be okay and press kisses to your head.

-If you want him to, he’ll sing to you. He’s not big on it like Roman but if it’s for you, he’ll have no problem singing. Since he too loves Disney, he might sing those or just some other songs in a quiet voice or even hum to calm you down.

-The best out of the others in giving advice.

-If you’re crying because someone made you cry, he will threaten to kill them. But, that’s for another time. His main focus is on you… for now.

-He knows how it feels to be overwhelmed with unpleasant emotions, so he also knows how to handle them. He’ll make sure you’re comfortable and you feel safe, no matter what. And although he’s not super physical, he will hug you and cuddle you and let you use him as a teddy bear.

-If you don’t want to talk, and if you’re feeling up to it, he’ll put on some music or even give you a pair of headphones to block out everything else. Sounds and the outside world can be overwhelming, he knows that all too well, and music is a perfect distraction.

-He will try and make you laugh if you need cheering up. His dry, sarcastic humour will definitely crack you up if you’re in the right mood for it. And seeing you laugh will make pride swell in his chest.

-Virgil is great at dealing with negative emotions because he has to deal with his own all the time. So, he knows all the tricks.

Deceit

-When coming to Deceit when you’re upset, he’ll act calm and collected, but inside, he’s freaking out. What if he says something that makes you cry harder? What if he lies to you by mistake and hurts you? He’s not exactly well-known for being comforting. He usually causes panic.

-But, he’ll sit you down, and if you allow it, place an arm over your shoulders, and try and talk to you. His first attempts are to calm you down, speaking softly and clearly to try and get you to stop crying.

-If it doesn’t work, he’ll begin to silently panic. So, he’ll use his skill of being persuasive to his advantage. One way or another, he’ll get you to talk or even just listen to his voice and calm down.

-He’s less physical in his approach, for your comfort or for his own. He prefers to use words to help people- more specifically, you. Though his shtick his being deceptive, he doesn’t have to lie to you, especially when he compliments you.

-To make you smile, he will tell you everything that he loves about you. He’ll tell you how gorgeous you are, how he loves your voice, how wonderful your smile is, how your eyes mesmerize him. Not a single compliment that he tells you is a lie. It’s genuine.

-If you do need physical affection, there will only be a little bit of hesitance. He’ll let you do as you please, he just might not start it. He’ll be a shoulder to cry on, a teddy bear to cuddle, a pillow to hug, anything and everything. It may be a little uncomfortable for him since he’s not used to it, but he will gladly do it if it makes you feel better.

-He’s great at distracting you. He’ll tell you a bunch of random things, trying to draw your attention from what’s going on inside your head. Things like his day, ranting, the weather, anything. Whatever pops into his mind.

-This snake may not be super talented in the comforting department but he cares enough about you to try.

Remus

-Absolutely the worst person to help you when you’re upset. Not for a lack of trying, believe me, but he just… isn’t great at it.

-If you’re not in the mood for it, his humour and antics can just make things worse. However, if you are the type of person who appreciates his humour, it can work.

-But if you’re sad, you probably don’t want to hear about Remus getting fucked by a werewolf or taking two dicks at once or something. Even if you find him amusing most of the time, these things generally don’t help.

-If they don’t work, Remus is smart enough (shocking, I know) to see that his usual personality isn’t helping. So, he’ll change things around. His loud gestures and eccentric behaviour quiets down.

-His next instinct is to wrap his arms around you. He always finds physical affection comforting, so wouldn’t you? Again, completely depends on the person and the mood. There is a very good chance it could work.

-But if affection isn’t what you want, then he’s lost. Comforting words and advice isn’t really his strong suit. Panic sets in. What should he do?? What should he say?? He silently begs that someone- anyone- shows up to help.

-There is zero chance of him getting any better at words, but he will try. He’ll tell you how gorgeous you are with tears and snot on your face, how great you are with dealing with him- just, anything nice he can think about you.

-His compliments are a bit weird, but he means well. And honestly, if he didn’t love you, he probably wouldn’t try.

Well, this took forever. It’s not my best work, so I’m sorry it’s so short. I’m bad at comforting people and had no idea what to do. Also, happy holidays and happy New Years to everyone! Sorry for the wait, I’ve been kinda busy. Thank you for being patient! I love you all!

#sander sides #sander sides x reader #x reader #roman sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #deceit sanders #logan sanders #remus sanders #comforting #sad #mostly fluff #iwritefanfiction #fanfic #headcannons #hcs

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nascent-chaos · 4 years

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I'm curious how the boys would react if reader suddenly became a bitty, especially how they would show affection without smothering her

Sans :: … Shit. Did he do that?

He tries brushing off the entire thing like there’s nothing to worry about, though it’s clear from his strained grin that he’s a bit off-put by the entire ordeal. But once the initial shock dies down?

The prank-potential he sees in this is a once-in-a-lifetime thing.

He’ll make sure to keep a socket on her at all times, sure - the lodge isn’t exactly easy for someone who could sit comfortably on his shoulder to navigate, but with a bit of caution and his blue magic to lend him a hand… well, he’s just thrilled she shares the same sense of humor as he does. Soul-mates, indeed.

From having her sneak into small places to set up an annoying airhorn or whoopie-cushion to ‘accidentally’ misplacing her on the blades of the ceiling fan or ‘losing’ her in the ventilation system, the others are going to be in for a tough time. The real bonding moments come in the form of Sans’ tinkering, which she’ll be only too happy to lend a hand with. She’s the perfect size to help work with some of the smaller bits and bobs of his projects and can easily get in and out of places that he might otherwise be unable to reach. The two will actually spend a good deal of time together while she’s like this, and it won’t be uncommon to find her hiding in his hood during her downtime.

Papyrus :: At first he’s a bit fretful, worried sick as he is that anything she does might result in her hurting herself - sure, he and Reed quickly learn how gravity and terminal velocity affect her differently now that’s she’s only a few inches tall, but the fact that her jumping from, say, a countertop to the floor will only jar her legs a bit won’t be enough to deter him. Nevermind that this is just one of the many excuses he uses to have a reason to carry her around all the time (his big heart just melts every time she sits on his shoulder!). He’ll work alongside Blue to design a full system around the house to help her come and go independently, but isn’t it so much faster to get a lift from your favorite friendly skeleton?

He sees everything they do together now as an adventure. Gardening? The flower beds are just the sort of fabulous jungle his bitty friend would love to explore in! Cooking in the kitchen? Fetching the ingredients he needs is an adventure all its own (of course he’ll keep her far from the actual cooking, lest she get hurt!). And let’s not forget his knack for creating adventures of his own! After all, what kind of great puzzle master would he be if he didn’t first design a smaller mock-up of his grand projects and have his smol assistant help test them out?

Red :: He’s freaking out and is doing a poor job in hiding it. How the hell did this even happen? Is this permanent?!

It takes a bit before he’s able to calm down and, even then, he’s seeing the lodge in a completely different light now. She sleeps on the fourth floor, and that’s a shit-load of stairs she could break her neck on if she made one wrong move. Going out in the yard? Aren’t there snakes and birds and all kinds of other weird shit that’d try and eat her?

Fuck that - he’ll try his damnest to keep her inside. It’s only after a gentle scolding from Reed that he’ll realize how overbearing he’s been. Still, seeing him fret over her the way he does is enough to keep her from doing anything too over-the-top in his presence. And though he tries his darndest to hide it, Red deeply enjoys the more laid-back moments the two of them share, even if it’s just napping or laughing together as she tries (and fails gloriously) at playing video games with him. As with Classic, you can bet this duo will be up to all sorts of mischief together whenever the opportunity presents itself, And of course, a good, long nap on the couch together at the end of the day is a given. As much as their seemingly endless onslaught of pranks has driven the others - especially Edge - up the wall, even they’ll admit it’s endearing, the way they’ll find Reed nestled in the fur lining of his coat as the two enjoy an afternoon snooze together.

Edge :: He thinks this is the most ridiculous thing ever. Look at her! She’s been reduced to four inches of utter uselessness!

He’ll huff and complain even while he’s keeping an eye light on her, quickly scooping her out of reach of any trouble she might find herself in. While she’ll earn an earful and have to deal with his prattling on about how much trouble she’s now causing him, however, she’ll quickly learn it’s all just hot air he’s blowing off. He clearly seems to relish in every moment she comes to him for help, disguising his genuine happiness at her choosing to rely on him to assist with something behind his usual preening of 'OF COURSE YOU WOULD COME GROVELING FOR MY AID! I AM THE BEST, AFTER ALL! NYEH-HEH!’ Every moment she spends with him, from cooking (okay, so he might find the sight of her rolling a tomato half her size over to him the slightest bit endearing) to chores (did… he just hear something fall into the dishwater?) is a moment he won’t admit he enjoys.

No place is safer for her than atop his shoulder, no hiding spot better than the folds of his scarf. And of course, being the fashionable and immaculate skeleton he is, there is no way he’ll stand to see her in those cheap plastic outfits she considers taking from a dollar-store barbie. Those are hardly sensible for a bitty for whom durability and a wide range of motion is a must! He’ll take it upon himself to create an entirely new wardrobe for her (made to his sense of style, of course), cutting and sewing every last stitch personally because… well, let’s face it, who could do a better job than him? She’d better be grateful for it, though!!

Blue :: Blue is very much like Papyrus in his fretting, but he seems to have more confidence in Reed’s ability to take care of herself. Not that he’s not the first on the scene to lend her a hand when needed, though - you can bet he’s going to be keeping an eye light out on her whenever she’s up to something new. You know, just in case! It’s obvious to see how enamored he is with the entire situation as he now hardly if ever leaves her side. Yes, everything she does seems so much cuter now that she’s only a few inches tall, and yes, he’s going to let her know every chance he gets. The entire pulley system that appears across the lodge practically overnight was his idea, and he’s positively thrilled every time he sees her use it. Although… he does have a bit of a habit of offering up a hand to give her a quick lift to her destination anyway.

‘Why did you guys build all this if you don’t want me using it?’ She’ll tease.

Stretch :: Like many of the others he appears to be a bit nervous from the get-go, but that uncertainty soon evaporates when he sees how quick she is to adapt to her current situation. He, like the Mutt, give her the most freedom around the house, only offering her their help when she’s requested it. He doesn’t like the idea of smothering her with unnecessary concern, even though you can bet he’ll be looking out for her when needed.

The quiet time they’d shared during their little reading sessions together may have been changed up a bit, though - it’s kind of hard for her to flip the pages of a book when said book stands taller than she is. Reed will often settle on his shoulder while they share a book together, the taller skeleton reading aloud as she listens happily (reading along can be a bit strenuous on the neck, but damn if he doesn’t find her head moving along with his words to be the most adorable thing ever, regardless). They’ll often take to her little hideaway in the woods for this, and enjoy some casual chatter with one another along the walks to and from the locale. As with Sans, Stretch’s hood quickly becomes a preferred place of hiding for her.

Hickory :: His adorable human just became travel-sized, and this mutt couldn’t be any happier with the world right now. You’ll be hard-pressed to find a moment when these two are together that our playful pooch isn’t holding Reed, content to go about his day with her tagging along just to watch. Of all the boys he seems to be the most nonplussed by this change, even with the near-constant contact he seems to have with her. Black chalks it up to some residual instinct their world left them with, and the Mutt’s want to make sure no harm comes to her under his watch. But hey, she’s all for tagging along with him as he goes about his day, and she’ll happily sit at the edge of his desk as he works on his latest tune if it means she gets to be the first to hear it~

Black :: Oh, for the love of the Angel -

As if he didn’t have enough on his plate as it is, now his human has gone and been reduced to the size of his phone! He’s clearly irritated by the whole of the situation, not only because of the countless challenges that seem to crop up over the most mundane of topics but because… well… just look at her! How can she be expected to go about her day when something as simple as sitting on the couch involves a ridiculous amount of climbing to do so?!

Right from the get-go, Black is easily the most pessimistic about this entire situation. Like Red, he’s now seeing the threats and challenges the environment is going to present her, and his mind is already working on how to overcome them all in the most efficient way possible. Of course… it’d be a whole lot more helpful if Reed wasn’t so reckless all the time! There will be no less than four separate occasions on the first day that nearly give him a soul attack, and he’ll have to sit down and give her a stern talking-to before he’s finally gotten his point across. Tiny doesn’t mean invincible, after all, and he knows keeping her safe 24/7 would mean being only too overbearing - which certainly isn’t something that needs to be added to his already long list of tasks!

Alright, so… maybe at the end of the day he finds it the slightest bit endearing, seeing how she’ll tackle any task put before her with that glint of determination in her eyes that he admires so, but he’ll sooner die than ever openly admit it!

Dust :: This is the best, most entertaining day of his damn life.

He’s getting an absolute kick out of this entire situation and he’s not afraid to show it. For the most part, he is perfectly content to remain on the sidelines and watch as Reed tackles and overcomes problem after problem. There is a part of her now that reminds him of the 8th fallen child in that she’s only too determined to tackle and succeed over any obstacle that comes before her, and in a way… he’s sort of hoping she’ll fail? There is more than one instance of Dust stepping in when no one else is looking to actively make things more difficult for Reed - moving something she’s been struggling to get to further out of her reach, or flat-out picking her up and placing her on a shelf across the room to see how she’ll deal with the new challenge before her, but he won’t deny the slight hint of gratification he experiences when she just glares at him and accepts the new challenge as what it is - just another challenge. Would he actively put her in a life-threatening situation? Well… not intentionally, but hey. Mistakes happen.

At the end of the day he’s left with a peculiar feeling of satisfaction and bitterness but is pleased to know she’s yet alive and well regardless.

#anon asks #ask nascent #this response is WAAAAAY overdue;;#bitty!reed #undertale #bitty reader

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elmuchodee · 6 years

Text

Why falling out of love was the best thing that happened to me...

the title seems a bit ironic but bare w/me as I explain how simple it really was for me. i’ma hopeless romantic when the right person brings it out of me otherwise I'm deemed an “asshole” or “childish”; neither being false lol. ultimately I believe in love way beyond what social media has hyped it up to be now.. I believe in the kind of love that wants for nothing but gives soooo much more than just physical attraction. lol that doesn’t seem likely coming from me and my lack of seriousness(?) but I've always said I'm serious when it’s needed and when I'm “in love” is one of those times. on the outside I'm awkward, goofy and sometimes just extremely shy...on the inside well I'm the same lol except all the words/feelings come out smooth and I don’t fumble like a kid asking their mom for snack money -__-. but as I've grown older through age and through relationships I've become way more comfortable being “awkward” and “introverted” cause those things kind of tie into how I love. it’s a bit unique but also very old school. I grew up w/A LOT of r&b in my family so a lot of my “love influences” stem from that although at the time I never knew I'd be like this but I always felt like love was really special at some point in my life lol. I mean I'm obsessed w/90′s r&b, I listen to Jon B, SWX and Xscape daily and not cause I'm sad lol, it’s everyday music for me. it’s what I love. it also soothes me and puts me in a place where my fairy tale love life exists lol.

so ultimately I've always known I'd be a hopeless romantic but of course from 17-20(ish) I said I'd NEVER fall in love....lol. of course that was far from true but I was a kid figuring out not only my sexual preference but also figuring out who I was. my lack of emotions/outright feelings caused girls to really doubt if I'm serious bout them, little do they know not many had the luxury (yeah I hyped myself there lol) of being TRULY LOVED by me. at the age of 26 I’ve loved two people but only truly loved one...looking back I would've never saw myself at that point. and when I say “loved” and “truly loved” I mean loved as someone id did a lot for, made me happy and seemingly reciprocated the feelings. now truly loving someone is a bit different...that for me was taking a relationship into real longevity which I never do. I think in the moment, I don’t really picture a future w/people (even tho I say I do lol, but who hasn't once or twice?) cause I was never big staying in long relationships and def not marriage. well the person I truly loved changed my whole perspective on everything I just said...but in a good way that benefits me even now long after we’ve gone our separate ways. basically truly loving someone for me is experiencing a type of love that is unlike any other feeling you’ve ever felt that makes you want to be one w/this other person and do everything possible to create this reality of love for your relationship. I'm sure everyone has a variety of ideals but that’s mine based off my personal experiences...

as it turns out truly loving someone is the greatest/worst feeling one can encounter. I say that cause the initial feeling of reciprocated [genuine] love is unmatched and really overtakes you w/excitement and butterflies. but the worst comes when that love is hard to keep together when things go sour or everything isn’t so rosy anymore...the feeling of losing that love is depressing. again personal experience...I took it SO hard I became a person I never knew existed and honestly never wanna see again cause that me was down and out everyday 24/7 and constantly forced love on someone that didn’t care anymore. it was hard to look at myself as I was breaking down but I had to in order to grow and move outta the slump it had me in. I love love in every way possible. I love seeing people in TRUE love, genuine shit. I despise instagram love or “goals posts”....it boasts that love is perfect and fixated around material things like matching outfits and shoes as a sign of real affection when those things aren’t close to what real love is. I guess that’s why I decided last year I'd do all I could to keep my personal life off any social media once I started dating again simply because the hype of being the new “it couple” becomes so stupid you argue/fight over literally nothing all the time; it’s mind blowing. so that love I can def do w/o any day but the rather of effortless love I really adore. I've always said love is effortless, it should want for nothing but genuine vibes and reciprocation....if it can't give those things at the MINIMUM it’s lust. you’re forcing yourself into someone’s life or you’re forcing a happy that doesn’t exist. for that I'd rather be single and happy. but while dating someone the less those things are seen the more apparent the love is fading....the hardest part is accepting that. it was for me at least. I knew deep down it wasn’t working but I wanted it to work so bad but didn’t know why. was it because she treated me so great? because she was there whenever I needed her and even when I didn’t? or because she understood my struggles when sometimes I couldn’t? unfortunately the answer was no to all those questions....I was stuck in comfort. I was comfortable dating her but also tired of constantly fighting and arguing w/her over nothing....it was weighing on me mentally, physically and emotionally. the worst thing I did to myself was settle for less when I deserved way more and when I was giving way more. it happens to the best of us I know but at that point I believe in my heart we all know it’s going nowhere but cause of comfort and content we persist on forcing a “fake love” that makes neither person happy, just miserable.

w/that being said I was fairly happy when the love was actually love but when it turned to lust I was depressed, my anxiety skyrocketed and I never felt good enough. I brought myself down a lot to appease or to decrease arguments but to no avail as they would ensue regardless of what I did. I say those things not to pity myself but to highlight how much of pity party I was throwing myself at the time....I was hopeless thinking I'd never love again cause that one didn’t work out. I was hurt of course but I was also borderline bitter cause of the things that happened afterwards. at times I acted less than my age and even got out of character but I can’t apologize for my actions cause they were how I really felt at the time. eventually I would see that instance paved the way for so many better things I couldn’t come close to being mad or upset w/the relationship outcome anymore. you might wonder all this sounds good but what the fuck does have to do w/being happy bout falling out of love? lol well it actually foreshadows how much I began to love myself more but also my ways/flaws/awkward moments. the person I had once envisioned myself marrying, like wearing bands and everything (if you know me you know I don't do rings or marriage for that matter lol), starting a new life w/became just another person to me before the end of 2017. as time passed after our original break in 2015 and somewhat of trying again last spring it was quite apparent that one big thing had changed: me. I wasn't the same Dee... I wasn’t putting up w/the same shit I had before and I wasn’t allowing her to treat me any kind of way. I had actually grown up (a little) and matured in the time we were apart and she had stayed the same really....her mindset/mentality was no different than before it showed in all our conversations. I was moving into a bigger part of my life and jumpstarting a promising career and she was holding on to a time that no longer existed. it’s impossible to date or rekindle anything w/someone that won’t allow themselves to grow and also won’t change their mentality cause they're set in their ways. at that moment it clicked in my head like a lightbulb that she def was not “the one” and def wasn’t the one for me...but I tried again cause I had things I needed to say and to finally get closure. but as time went on and our conversations slowed down I realized there was really nothing else I wanted from her, not even an apology or coming to Jesus moment, I wanted nothing but to be done w/her. that’s when I knew I had reached my limit...I had done all I could w/her and I wasn’t and didn’t wanna continue to go any further w/her. at that point I was comfortable coming to terms w/that and telling her, I had nothing to lose or gain really lol. I was just ready to get back to being the best Dee possible and focusing on myself w/o the extra shit.

so here’s the part you read or skimmed for lol....how could falling out of love possibly be good? well now answering that question is easier than it’s ever been. I fell out of love w/someone who was toxic in more ways than one and also toxic to herself. loving and caring for someone that only sees the negative in every situation is purposely holding on to you to support their negative spree, they need a positive person to feed off. that’s where I was...I was moving forward in life, growing within myself and really working on becoming a better me in good/bad situations. whereas she was stuck in a mentality/mindset that was so frustrating it would bring the calmest person to rage. she was filled w/bitterness, a bit of resentment and just plain mean. I’ve always said people that complain just because and constantly have negative shit to say don’t want to be happy. it’s THEM! they don’t really wanna be happy because they’ll find a reason to discredit why the happiness is occurring then find ways to sabotage it due to overwhelming insecurities. realizing she wasn’t brining me no good vibes I assessed the situation. doing that made hella easy to see that it wasn’t me nor my ways but it was her. it was her mentality, her negativity. her attitude. at that point she was truly poisoning me more than ever. in a lot of ways I'm happier than ever that we didn’t work out and that she was blowing me off....not too many people are selfish enough to show their TRUE colors to the same person twice but she was. She showed me things in myself that could never waiver cause of one person holding you back...she was a victim and I was tired of being the abuser.

as heartbreaking and deep as it sounds letting go was much easier the second time than the first. the first I was stuck in love and couldn’t find my way out of my feelings, I was hurting myself by constantly replaying my wrongs. the second time was a bit different..we were different people on the exterior but she was the same on the inside. I saw different things in her, I saw uglier ways than I wanted to and ultimately I saw someone that was more selfish than ever. so falling out of love was easier than I would've thought. in a lot of ways she pushed me away and she honestly forced me to see her for who she truly was. love is a blessing and a curse at the same time.

love is so fuckin amazing man I would never blame love as the reason things didn’t work out. I fell out of love cause it allowed to love myself way more than I ever have. not only that it gave me the freedom and confidence to truly fall in love w/ME. in the midst of all the was going on I was showing love to everybody but myself. investing in self love/self worth is top five greatest things I've done so far. because I started loving myself better than ever it was easier than ever to fall out of love. falling out of love was the best thing that happened to me and I couldn’t be more grateful..

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