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#alhaitham x reader angst
vsimp · 9 months
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say something (song drabble) - inspo
word count: 2.9k
pairings: alhaitham, ayato, childe, xiao, zhongli/morax (x reader)
genre: angst/hurt/no comfort
summary: they lose you
Warning: presumed death/injury of reader, mentions of blood
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Alhaitham x "I’m giving up on you"
Arguments with no happy endings. Rough words that could never be taken back or forgotten.
Alhaitham was the true definition of stubborn.
It was “rationality,” as he so called it. He liked to say things as it is, and there was no need to include your emotions into these conversations, as they influence your motives and produce bias.
Technical, yet cold and harsh at the same time, Alhaitham would leave no room for arguments when he knew that he was in the right. To even validate your feelings would be impossible for him because that was who he was; an intuitive scholar who knew wisdom beyond his years.
Then when was his wisdom too much for others to bear? Was there truly such a thing as too much knowledge?
He couldn’t even fathom such an idea.
And as he argued with you, his mind only thinking of rationality, reason, logic, and analysis, he deliberately ignored the way your tears streamed down your cheeks, how your hoarse voice broke as you cried about your relationship with him.
He then doubted himself for ever thinking he could get into a relationship. Hah. Something like this could never work out again. You both were just too different, or so that was what he’d tell himself as you both slept in separate rooms that night.
But as the house grew emptier and emptier, as you moved all of your stuff out, taking every single thing in his home that made it feel like… an actual home… he grew strangely uncomfortable.
Even as he looked back to that day of the argument, he knew he was right, and that your worries were of no substance. But why did your expression shake up his heart? Why did you make his chest ache? And why did he suddenly feel so empty all of the sudden?
The questions were answered very soon, after every single one of your items have been removed from his house.
And it was at that moment when Alhaitham realized that his house no longer felt like home. And then he realized the true reason for those inexplicable emotions, as he found the present he gave you during one of your birthdays. It was a promise ring, adjourned with your favorite gemstone. He remembered how you loved it so much that you would never take it off your finger.
Yet here it was, left on a note with one simple word.
“Goodbye.”
That was the day when he figured out quickly that even if he had all the knowledge in the world, nothing else could have mattered more, for as long as he had you, he would be the happiest man in the universe. It was a severe lapse in judgment on his part, and a true mistake that he so bitterly had to realize far too late.
He had lost you. You had given up on him.
He had nobody else to blame but himself.
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Kamisato Ayato x "I’m still learning to love"
As the head of the Kamisato Clan, Ayato always had to remain vigilant at all times. He had to prepare for any worst case possible while also trying to actively prevent it from happening. It was the reason why he wore a mask around everybody who he knew.
He feared that if he were to let his guard down, revealing what truly laid underneath the mask, they would take advantage of his vulnerabilities and strike down everything he was ever trying to protect.
And that was the reason why he never trusted you, his own spouse. He had agreed to a marriage with you quite easily, as your family had something he wanted, and in exchange, he would take your hand in marriage, thus binding you and your family tree to the prestigious Kamisato Clan.
Ayato had assumed the worst about you, as your family had not given him the best impression either.
As he got to know you, however, he found that you were beyond his expectations. You were kind, compassionate, and intelligent. You did everything you could so that the clan and the Yashiro Commission could thrive.
You comforted him on the days when he truly was stressed out from all of his work, took on his pain as if it were yours. Not only were you beautiful, but you made him feel as if everything was going to be truly okay in the end, so long as you could give him that smile.
He almost admitted to himself that he had fallen in love with you.
Yet, a silly ploy from your family, one of spite over the fact that you were thriving in such a place, had ruined your marriage into shambles.
Ayato had lost his trust in you. Your family had planted false incriminating evidence, one that insinuated that you were plotting the downfall of the Yashiro Commission. You weren’t able to defend yourself, and you asked him if he really thought you were the type of person to commit such atrocious acts.
His eyes wavered for a moment at your question. But the "you" in his memory grew fuzzy as the thought that everything he was trying to protect was being jeopardized, that he shouldn’t throw everything he’s built over a mere spouse. That you were one of the people trying to harm him and his family.
That night, he muttered cold words to you. As if you were never even considered part of his family at all. As if all of those memories you two once shared never mattered. You were but an outsider to him at this point.
Since the diplomats of the Yashiro Commission grew suspicious of you, pressuring him to take action, he threw you out of the household that day. Perhaps he never loved you as much as you thought he did.
With no place to go, you ran out of the estate with only some small mora and clothes.
The estate remained cold without your presence there. No longer would he be surrounded by your brightness. But a traitor wasn’t worth mulling over, or so that was what he kept telling himself as he constantly found himself looking beside him, where you would usually be.
It wasn’t until a month later did his sister Ayaka uncover the truth. She and Thoma were the only people who believed in your innocence. She presented it to Ayato, and for the first time ever, he had never seen his sister so angry at him.
Regret and guilt washed over him immediately. What had he done? He had truly messed up. But he didn’t know that it was all a ploy, and he was just trying to protect the Yashiro Commission. Surely, you would understand. Right?
His heart ached for his lover as he ran all over the streets to find you. Ayaka had told him where you had been staying. He wasted no time to get there as soon as he could.
Ayato couldn’t forget the way those cold eyes of yours looked at him. He tried to apologize, but you just gave him a look of disappointment. It was like a slap to his face, a harsh wake up call as reality hit him. Maybe if he had trusted you more, maybe if he had trusted in his own love for you more, this would have never happened.
And yet, here you were, in the middle of a ragged, old inn that you could barely afford without the help of his sister, your clothes worn out as you had been doing everything by yourself the last month, and your cold eyes that no longer held the same love and affection for him as before— he knew that there were no more chances for him.
You slammed the wooden door shut in front of his face that day.
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Childe x "I will swallow my pride / you’re the one that I love"
“You don’t understand. This is my job as the Eleventh Fatui Harbinger. My only duty is to serve the Tsaritsa. I can’t always be there for you.”
Those were his cold words that pushed you away. He was too blind to see what was truly in front of him at the time.
Childe strived for strength. He enjoyed fighting you, as he felt that you were both equal in terms of strength, and that he could grow in power with you. But that was all he saw you as—a sparring companion.
So when you started to hope for more, he instantly grew detached. It was like walking through a narrowed tunnel, where the only thing he saw was his goal.
There were no emotions as you confessed your love to him. An apathetic gaze that shook your emotions to your very core. It was only then that day when you realized that the heart you wanted to capture was unreachable. He had built icy walls that were impenetrable.
So you decided to give up on him.
Childe didn’t think too much of it. You were just a battle partner to him anyways.
He told himself that, but why did his heart ache when he recalled your tears? Why did he suddenly feel empty now that your presence was no longer there?
The silly jokes you’d tell him, the delicious food you would cook for him, the smile you’d give to him, and him alone— you were no longer there to provide that comfort that he had missed from being so far away from home for so long. Perhaps he had even started to see you as his home outside of Snezhnaya.
He realized that all of this time, he really did love you. He loved you so much, yet he was too caught up in his beliefs to realize it. He wanted to spend the rest of his life with you, to start a family with you, to have and to hold you until eternity has reached its end.
So he set down his pride, put aside his duties to the Cryo Archon temporarily, and he went to see you that day. And unfortunately, it had been too late.
You were smiling at another man, and he had lost you. And then he realized the true extent of the pain you felt that day when he had broken your heart.
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Xiao x "anywhere, I would’ve followed you"
Xiao would never admit that he needed a companion in his life. It was his fate, his contract with destiny to serve and protect Liyue for the rest of his life, even if it cost him his very own.
He always isolated himself from the mortals, like a lonesome Qingxin blooming at the highest stone peaks. He looked down from height above, but never got too deeply involved with the matters of the mortals. It was only time, however, when somebody decided to climb those mountains and pluck him off the ground.
A hindrance to his daily affairs, and a nuisance whenever you followed him around, he knew it was his fault for forming a contract with you.
If you called his name, he would come. That was what he promised you. Be it for serious matters, whenever you needed his help with something, or for something more trivial, such as having a simple meal with you.
It was irritating to be called so frequently, but he was a man who kept true to his words.
It wasn’t until one day, you had made his favorite almond tofu dish and then called him over. It hadn’t even been a whole day yet since you’d last called for him, and you were already wanting to see him.
He had enough at this point. You couldn’t get any more involved with him. After all, he had always been alone for the last 3,000 years, and the karma he has to bear living with is too much for any regular mortal to handle. He needed to push you away.
“Don’t you have anything better to do than invite me over for something as trivial as this?” He would say coldly, not even wanting to sit down at this point. “I don’t want to spend any time with you. I truly loathe people who force others to do activities that they don’t even want to do.”
His words were much harsher that day. Although a part of him did feel bad, he needed to do this. He had to, that’s what he told himself. It didn’t bother him when you started choking into tears, nor did it bother him to see that heartbroken expression that lingered on your face.
“I just wanted to spend time with the person I love.” Your voice cried out painfully as you attempted to walk closer to him. “I would follow you everywhere, through everything and anything! You just have to let me in to your heart, Xiao!”
“Do you have any idea how stupid you sound right now? I will never love a mortal like you.”
The rejection was clear as day. He didn’t love you back. All of the time he has spent with you, the way he held you up gently after fighting some monsters, his small smile when you made him almond tofu for the first time; those memories were all rendered meaningless as he cut you open with his words.
But somehow, you knew this would happen. Your eyes looked defeated as you stared at him right then and there. You gave him a heart wrenching smile, which was a look that puzzled him the most.
He could never forget the look on your face. With eyes that stained with tears, and a beautiful, forced smile, Xiao knew that this was finally the end.
“I understand. Goodbye then, Xiao.”
He shut his eyes as you disappeared from his sight. It was inevitable that you would leave that day, yet the discomfort originating from his chest would not disappear.
Yes, this was something he had to do, no matter how painful it was, no matter how attached he was getting to you.
You never called him after that for a while. He thought it was a blessing, but somehow, the silence made it even more eerie. Like a singular piece of jigsaw that was lost amongst a thousand pieces of a puzzle.
"Xiao…” he heard you say after some time had passed. A weak voice. He knew something was wrong.
There, he found you. Laid in a puddle of crimson red. Everything was in slow motion at this point to him. He wasn't even able to assess the situation before he had pulled you immediately into his arms, calling out your own name in worry.
There was no response.
Thoughts of anger and regret washed through him, just like the heavy pouring rain that diluted your blood, like thunder that roared through the lands out of despair.
That day, he realized that this was the last time you would ever call his name.
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Zhongli x "I’m sorry I couldn’t get to you."
The Geo Archon was a magnificent entity, one that inspired awe and respect from many individuals. You were but one of them who admired—no, more like adored him.
You fought alongside Morax in many battles to protect Liyue. It was your pride and joy to help with this almighty god.
But as often as you tried to pursue his affections, wanting Morax to look at you and you only, his gaze never seemed to find yours.
With a look gentler than any soft breeze in the plains of Liyue herself, you had never seen such an expression from him. He looked at Guizhong with such a tenderness, even dedicating a beautiful song on the lyre for her, bringing her glaze lilies to bloom from such a lovely song. You wondered if you could ever compete with such a beautiful goddess like her.
Your hands were tainted in blood, the malice of monsters and demons leaving scars all over your hands and arms. Your words were rougher with others, as you belonged on the battlefield, compared to the wise and kind-hearted God of Dust.
You were distracted more than usual one day, and you were injured quite badly in a battle with monsters. With blood pouring from the side of your rib cage, you immediately went to Morax to seek help. You could feel his divinity from miles away, and when you arrived to the area he supposedly stayed, your heart ached as he held Guizhong’s cheeks so gently. It hurt worse than any wound that you have even sustained.
You couldn’t help but drop your weapon. The loud clang echoed through the courtyard, and that was when the man had finally and actually looked at you.
Shock had laced in his golden eyes, his hands dropped down from her cheek to his side as he had realized the state you were currently in.
Your eyes had started to glaze over, tears pouring down your cheeks as you felt your own heart break. Your emotions were so strong, yet so ugly, that even the plants had started to wilt around you. You didn’t want him to see you like this, so you immediately turned your back away from him.
“Y/n, are you okay?!” His voice shouted as his footsteps drew closer to you, but your cold voice cut him off.
“Don’t take a single step towards me, Morax.”
He paused, unsure of whether or not to continue forward judging from your tone. Even as your blood seeped to the ground, staining the earth and dyeing the flowers around you a crimson red, you remained turned away from him.
You walked away from your unrequited love, ignoring his calls and pleas as he asked you to come back so he could treat your wounds.
You shut your eyes, enveloping yourself in the darkness.
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ladadiida · 1 year
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𝐚𝐥𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐦 𝐱 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫
once upon a time, you wished for alhaitham to love you back just as much as you loved him. that was years ago though; now as the acting grand scribe for the acting grand sage, you both were widely known for the hate you have for each other.
𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐬 love hate, unrequited love (or is it), angst, implied insecurity about physical appearance, inspired from the fountain scene in atonement by ian mcewan. i suggest you watch the video first so you can imagine how the scene would look like!
𝐰𝐜 2.5k
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he finally found you.
the swaying grass crunched under the soles of his boots as he slowly and menacingly walked towards you with your back facing him, not aware of what was about to come. he was getting nearer now, and yet you still didn't turn around; it was either because you didn't hear him at all or because you didn't care about his presence. knowing you, the latter sounded more reasonable.
you were sitting on the grass, right beside the crystal clear waterfalls of chinvat ravine, legs crossed and hair tied to keep the strands from blocking your view, but the wind didn't spare you from its wrath. your locks swayed gently along with the breeze, flying and curling like the roots of the divine tree holding up the sanctuary of surasthana, exposing your bare neck to him. even with your long sleeved dress, you bathed in the golden sumeru sunlight, not caring about the heat at all.
though you weren't looking at him at all, alhaitham's heart stubbornly skipped a beat, its pace picking up the longer he stared at you. you looked so peaceful sitting in silence that he almost turned away and let you be in your own quiet world. or maybe he would just sit beside you if you'd allow him to, then the two of you would listen to the singing of the dusk birds together, along with the calming sound of the running water from the waterfalls.
in another time, he would like to spend his mornings, afternoons, and nights with you; but right now, as the acting grand sage of the akademiya, work was priority.
and so, despite not wanting it, alhaitham broke the silence. "if I may ask, what is the acting grand scribe doing here?"
he saw your body tense up, shoulders raising slightly. it took you a whole minute before you decided to glance at him over your shoulder. as he expected, your usually gentle eyes were already narrowed, ready to bite at him. your plump lips were pursed in annoyance, and it took every bit of his sanity to not lean in and swipe his thumb over it. your cheeks were already starting to turn into a shade of red that reminded him of zaytun peaches. it was probably because of anger, or irritation. or both.
beautiful, he thought.
"acting grand sage alhaitham." you greeted him calmly, as opposed to the emotions you had on display. "i can ask you the same question."
alhaitham crossed his arms and stared down blankly at you. "i have some files i need you to arrange, and they should be at my desk tomorrow morning."
without breaking off the eye contact, you blinked twice as if you were contemplating on what to say. then you shrugged, appearing not to care at all. "alright."
he couldn't help but to think that the old you wouldn't act this way. years ago, you would've nod slowly with a soft smile gracing your lips, a smile that was reserved just for him, and a pale pink hue would settle on top of your skin because you were too flustered to even speak a word to him.
but times have changed now. he should not be thinking about the past, for it will only hinder his progress in the present. but how could he not, when the only person he could blame for the reason for your change was himself?
alhaitham tried to hide his growing impatience, both for your stubbornness and your attitude towards him. he frowned and pressed on, "it seemed like you didn't understand. i am asking you to return to your office in the akademiya."
"you already wasted my time by searching for you. i spent a precious hour just walking around the city asking people if they somehow saw you when i could've spent that hour finishing the rest of my work. even katayoun didn't know where you are, so i had to find you myself." he continued, voice sounding more cross in each sentence.
you sighed, not affected by his rants. fully turning around, he saw a writing quill tucked in your ear and some papers stacked on your lap. you took one of the papers and showed it to him. "i'm checking some of the students' research proposals before i can submit them to you for approval."
"and you couldn't do that in your office?"
"unlike some of us, i can't concentrate on my work when i am locked up in an enclosed space." you quickly bit back, glaring at him. "working here is much better. i can breathe in some fresh air and watch the dusk birds if i'm feeling overwhelmed by the never-ending paperwork."
alhaitham thought of what you said and almost agreed with you. from where he was standing, he could see the bright blue sky, and not to mention, the entire view of the city.
but his pride didn't allow him to back down, just like always. he can tolerate you being mad at him and hating him with all your heart, but he can't stand it when you ignore him.
so he added fuel to the fire and lectured you, "while you're at it, do you have more complaints? don't hesitate to inform me if you lack materials or things that you will need. you have a high position in the akademiya now, so it is important for you to have your work done in a proper manner."
you rolled your eyes. "office rooms make me nauseous." you said straightforwardly.
that made him scrunch his eyebrows in both confusion and concern. "nauseous?"
"there's no windows." you grumbled under your breath. alhaitham inhaled sharply, finally understanding the situation. he made a mental note to speak with some of the matra later and make a request to transfer you to a new room. maybe even use some of his sage funds to buy new decorations just for you, so you wouldn't feel lonely and cramped inside your office.
while he was thinking, he noticed that you turned around once again, continuing to check the papers on your own. he watched you write, quick but your handwriting remained neat and pleasing to look at. this was one of the reasons why he chose you to become the scribe.
he wasn't satisfied with just watching you. alhaitham got closer and bent down with one knee. striking up a conversation again, he began, "let me see what you're working on."
you flinched at the sudden close proximity. he noticed it, and he tried to stop himself from smirking.
your grip on your quill tightened. with gritted teeth, you told him, "i'm not yet finished. please be patient."
alhaitham peered at you innocently, making you glower even more at his unaffected state. "i just want to check if you're doing it correctly." he simply said.
"i told you it's not yet finished. and what do you mean by correctly? i can manage just fine on my own!" you defended, now starting to raise your voice. while you were distracted, he took the opportunity to take the paper you were writing on.
you yelped and protested, "hey! stop!"
he lifted up his arm so you wouldn't be able to reach it, looking down on you with a strange glint in his beautiful turquoise eyes. seething in anger, you slightly sat up and pressed a hand on his chest in a rough manner to hoist yourself up without losing balance. you tried to ignore the feeling of his defined muscles against your palm as you tried to snatch the paper from him.
alhaitham froze. for a moment, he thought he forgot how to breathe because of how close you were to him. he could see the flecks of light in your eyes, the number of your thick eyelashes, and the many imperfections on the surface of your skin, yet they looked soft to the touch. and your lips, your heavenly lips, were only inches away from his own. the way they were slightly parted made him think of how they would feel.
he lost all focus that the paper he was holding slipped away from his fingers. your jaw dropped in horror, gaze following the paper in the air as it slowly flew towards the river. you got off alhaitham and tried to chase after it, but you were unfortunately too late. the paper had already met the surface of the water, liquid seeping on its thin composition.
you looked at him in disbelief. "what have you done?"
alhaitham sighed, waving a hand. "don't fret too much. just take the printed copy and submit it to me." he said.
"i didn't print one." you quietly replied.
he turned to you and stared at you like you've grown two heads. "what?"
in a louder voice, you explained impatiently, "that's the original paper. i haven't printed a copy yet."
hearing your words, alhaitham felt a huge headache. it was a grave mistake not to keep a copy of the akademiya's files.
"this is why I told you to always duplicate important files immediately after you receive them from the students in case they are stolen, destroyed, or lost." he spoke carefully, trying to avoid getting frustrated. "these are their research papers, and i'm sure that as a former akademiya student, you know how much value those papers hold."
your hands formed into fists. "do not talk to me like that!" you weakly shouted.
one of his eyebrows raised in question. "like what? like an acting grand sage pointing out their scribe's mistake?"
to his surprise, you started tearing up. bright red then blossomed on your cheeks, signalling the chaos that was about to reach its boiling point.
"like a pompous ass who forced me to become the scribe!" you yelled, and the shrillness of your voice hurt his ears, but he continued listening anyway. "if you're so clever and oh so better than me, then why didn't you just be the grand sage and scribe at the same time? you just have to drag me into your shit so you could embarrass me in front of the mahamata!"
"to embarrass you is far from my—"
you pointed a finger at him in a threatening way, your eyes shooting daggers as sharp enough to kill him. "speak another word and i'll kick you so hard in your groin that your children wouldn't be able to have the same genes as you."
flabbergasted, alhaitham didn't dare utter another word. but when you started to unbutton your dress, he let out a sarcastic huff.
"the water is not safe." he said, trying to prevent you from wading through the fungi infested river. you ignored him and continued to undress.
you were about to pull down the upper part of your dress when you glanced at him, mouth open as if you were going to say something. he held your gaze, waiting for your retort. however, nothing came, and you only scowled at him while you finally slipped out of your dress, the clothing falling down to your feet.
he knew it was improper to stare. he wanted to look away, to give you respect and privacy and also because it was the right thing to do, but he can't he can't he can't—
the lacy camisole you were wearing underneath the dress clung tight to your body. your bra straps were visible, and because the camisole's length can only reach the middle of your exposed thighs, he can almost see your underwear. you were half naked right in front of him, but you didn't seem to care. why didn't you care?
ah, alhaitham thought, realization dawning upon him as you carefully walked towards the river and tested the temperature of the water first before taking a dive. you became nothing but a colorful blur under the aquamarine waters.
it was quiet for a moment. everything was quiet, until a distant memory flashed in his mind.
"you don't pass my aesthetic preferences and ideals for a partner. i consider both character and appearance when it comes to choosing a significant other, should that day ever come." he explained quickly, trying to get out of this awkward situation. more students were gathering around them, and that was the thing he despised the most: attention.
it became even worse when your lower lip started to tremble. just how pathetic can you be? confessing your feelings in the middle of a public place, the feelings that grew within you just by working on a single project together. you brought this to yourself. this was all your fault to begin with.
"are you saying i'm ugly?" you whispered, shaky voice sounding upset.
his gaze on you remained impassive. "i wouldn't use that term. that's too harsh, don't you think? i'd say...you're just not physically attractive, that's all.
"i'm not planning to consider you as my partner in a romantic relationship, today and in the near future. so i advise you to stay away from me to save yourself from the humiliation. have a nice day."
a loud splash interrupted his thoughts.
when you emerged from the water, your hands were clutching the soggy piece of paper, grip gentle as to not rip it off. damp pieces of hair framed your face, and the camisole, now transparent, hugged your wet form. your jaw was clenched, due to the cold or your hostility towards him; he doesn't know.
oxygen was knocked out of his lungs. alhaitham swallowed a lump in his throat and clenched his fist, reminding himself to breathe. you walked past him, not meeting his eye, and picked up your dress from the ground. you dressed hastily, your wet strands drenching your clothing in the process.
after you buttoned up, you turned your head sideways, finally acknowledging his presence but not making eye contact.
"i never wanted to be the acting grand scribe." you said, voice calm once again. "still, i apologize. i, who does not have a single clue about being a scribe because i'm only a librarian, apologize for not knowing what this job entails. but for just one day, can you please stop reminding me that i'm not as intelligent as you?"
he stayed quiet.
"have a nice day, acting grand sage." were your last words before you left him there standing dumbly on the grass. he can only watch as you walked away from him, hair swaying across your shoulders with each step you take. when you disappeared from his sight, he looked back at the water, the roiling surface yet to recover from its tranquillity, almost like you left some of your fury in it. alhaitham placed a hand flat on its surface, thinking about how the water touched your body mere moments ago, its calming arms caressing every inch of your skin. he doesn't want to feel jealous, but that he felt.
it has happened, much to his dread. you, who is possibly the only woman who can ever love someone like him, no longer have feelings for him. it was to be expected, but how can he live on when the only constant thing in his life finally left him for good?
alhaitham can only dip his hand in the water. it was the only closest thing to you that he could touch.
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versadies · 1 year
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next time (alhaitham x gn!reader)
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SALUTATIONS. next time
ADDRESSED. alhaitham (w/gn!reader)
STAMP. in which you feel distant from your lover, who busied himself with the akademiya for reasons you’re unsure of until it’s too late. (loosely based on tightrope from the greatest showman)
CONTENT. angst/no-comfort, spoilers to sumeru archon quest (3.2), neglect, hint of kidnapping, hint of violence, azar is a bad person as always, grammar errors, ooc!alhaitham (this was written b4 3.4 was released)
POST-SCRIPT. alhaitham didnt come home so i decided to post this questionable fic and prolly plan to make a series about him out of pure pettiness. enjoy. (will make a part two soon and its him groveling <33)
LINKS. masterlist \ taglist \ part two
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How long has it been since you’ve last been with your lover?
You could hardly recall, and you’re afraid to admit that you’ve given up trying to. Despite residing in Alhaitham’s place for months, it feels as if there’s a wall between you two.
Whether or not it’s Alhaitham’s wall or yours, you could not find a hammer to break it.
It started a month ago – you feel a bit saddened when you realized how long this went on – when he started acting weird.
He started being a little late than usual, staying in his office all day until he realizes that it’s 3 am or such, would only hum in response whenever you say “I love you” to him, refusing to come to bed until he’s done with his work in his office, only taking a few bites of his breakfast that you took time and effort to make for him before rushing out to go to the Akademiya — sometimes he wouldn’t even say his farewells to you — and come back for only Celestia knows when,
And the very thing you noticed most from this recent change: he stopped reaching out to you.
Of course, he’s willing to talk to you when you speak to him first, but his responses were rather short and swift, as though he wanted to get this conversation to be over and do other things.
When you asked Alhaitham why he’s always away these days, he claims he’s been in the Akademiya fixing something, and that was the end of your conversation.
You knew he was lying though.
In reality, he hasn’t actually been as in touch with the Akademiya as he was before due to a “mission” assigned to him by the Grand Sage, something you found out from the General Mahamatra, Cyno.
You understand that your lover had to keep secrets from you as some of his business with the Akademiya are confidential, but you just wished that he took the time to reassure you that this is just him being busy and not something that will go on forever.
“I’ll see you later.” He says, standing up from his seat before coming towards the front door without as much as a goodbye kiss. He always made sure to give you a kiss before he leaves, he claims it’s good luck.
You didn’t utter a response to him, nor did you bother finishing your meal anymore. It seems you’ve lost your touch if you could no longer find yourself eating your favorite dish that you’ve loved for so long.
You’re thankful Kaveh, your dearest best friend and your lover’s roommate, is away in the Akademiya at the moment. If he were still here eating breakfast with you at this very moment, he would’ve noticed the way your form has been trembling ever so slightly from thinking too much of what’s going on between your relationship.
You could already imagine what he’d say if he were here.
“What did that brainless buffoon do again?” Kaveh would say in an angry tone, yet his eyes show concern towards you. “Just say the word and he’ll have to deal with me, I got you.”
Nothing, you’d say. He’s just… far.
So far, so out of reach.
You always tell yourself that Alhaitham’s simply just too busy from his projects in the Akademiya these days – he’s the Scribe after all – but this is Alhaitham, the same man who you’ve worked out with about making time for your relationship and each other’s works, the same man who’d always spare time for you even when he’s as busy as he can be and the one who would always hear you out when you call for him.
He’s a man of many things, but never one who’d ignore his own lover and act as though they’re nothing but a stranger — not without warning in advance about it, that is (which never happened at all, mind you).
You then thought that you must’ve said something that upsets him, but you could hardly recall the last time the two of you had a conflict, nor could you recall what you said that could have offended him. Besides that, he wasn’t one to ignore you for such a reason.
So… what was it? What was the one thing that made your relationship as it is now?
Was it… you?
You accidentally let go of the plate you’re washing as a result of that thought, the sound causes your thoughts to cease for just a moment.
Surely, if there really was something wrong, he’d tell you… right?
You then decided that it’s time for you to try and reach out to him once more and hope that this time he’d listen to you.
The day was nothing but a blur, and fortunate enough, your lover came home early for the first time just as you were about to lie down on your shared bed.
“Alhaitham…?” You called out his name softly, looking at the doorway to see him. “You’re home..”
He glances at your way with an unexplainable look on his face. “Were you expecting me?”
You started fidgeting your fingers nervously. “Can we… Can we talk?” Just this once, please talk to me.
He opens his mouth to say something but immediately stops himself.
“…” He thinks for a moment.
Just as you’re about to ask if there’s something bothering him, he lets out a sigh and turns away from your direction.
“Let’s talk about it next time when I’m… done with my work.”
Your eyes widens for a bit, wanting to ask him to stay–
But he’s busy… He’s too busy with matters that are more important than you. You thought to yourself bitterly, stopping yourself from reaching out to him once more.
There’s always next time… Whenever that may be.
“...Very well. Goodnight, Alhaitham.” You said quietly, tucking yourself in your bed as your back faces his direction. You didn’t notice how he finally looked back at you with a longing look on his face, only to walk away towards his office without another word.
Next time ( Name ). Alhaitham thought with a soft sigh. I’ll come back to you as soon as I get rid of the Akademiya’s schemes.
He just needs time to execute said plan.
Currently, everything goes according to plan.
Soon enough, Lesser Lord Kusanali will be free and ( Name ) can be safe when Azar gets punished. Alhaitham thought as Azar continued on talking about how he knew Alhaitham’s plan all along.
“...Heh, you'll see me as a traitor regardless of what I say, no?” The scribe said, crossing his arms. “Even if you impugned me, it would have little effect on you all.”
Azar shakes his head. “You misunderstand. Losing our Scribe would irreparably damage the Akademiya's regular operations and the development of Sumeru's future academic systems…” Something flashes through the Grand Sage’s eyes, his lips twitching upwards. “For that reason, it’s for the best if someone does it on your behalf.”
The scribe almost lost his breath for a second.
He narrowed his eyes. “And what exactly are you implying?”
Azar lets out an amused huff. “You know exactly what I’m implying, scribe.”
The scribe dared not to think of the worst, until the next words that left the Grand Sage’s mouth almost made his facade falter.
“Your lover is quite an exceptional person and fought well for someone who doesn’t wield a vision, but it was all for naught it seems.” He can’t help but chuckle to himself. “It’s just a shame that they have to pay the price for your betrayal.”
“Lover? You have a lover, Alhaitham?” Paimon whispered, shocked at the turn of events. This wasn’t a part of the plan at all!
Meanwhile, Alhaitham slowly starts regretting not taking you with him from the beginning. He should’ve been more attentive, he should’ve warned you about the Akademiya instead of being so focused on the plan to the point where he’s basically neglecting you, he should’ve taken you to Aaru Village instead of leaving you–!
It was only then when Alhaitham realized his mistake.
This mistake isn’t something that’s from the mission, but it involves something that’s more important than this plan,
He made the mistake of unintentionally neglecting you.
Suddenly, he remembers his last conversation with you.
You started fidgeting your fingers nervously. “Can we… Can we talk?”
He opens his mouth to say something but immediately stops himself. He wanted nothing more than to drop everything and listen to what you have to say, but he knew he needed to prioritize the mission to save Lesser Lord Kusanali, not when he has to go back to Aaru Village to talk about the plan with everyone tomorrow.
He lets out a sigh and turns away from your direction. “Let’s talk about it next time when I’m… done with my work.”
If only he knew there wasn’t a next time after that.
Alhaitham tries to compose himself. “You said that I betrayed the Akademiya, but you, Azar... You've betrayed all of Sumeru, betrayed its archon!” He said.
Just you wait, ( Name ). I will make up everything once I come for you, wherever you may be.
Azar remains composed. “Hmph, so flight has turned to fight at long last. Guards!”
The scribe notices how all the guards position themselves, pointing their weapons at him and his allies. He just needs to finish this swiftly so he’ll be able to focus on finding you.
He lets out a deep breath before he begins the next phase of his plan.
I just need to deal with those who dared to lay a hand on you before I find you, ( Name ).
part two
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PENPALS. @scaraslover @saving-for-xiao @dawgimsohot @kazu-topia @chiruru @aqualesha @renamichii @mrkamisato @shenhesl0ver @serami00 @serenareiss @hiqhkey @emperatris-rinaka @bystander36 @irisxiel @ladycoleigh @034ven @dear-dairiess @owozi8 @hadesaedes @chiro-chiro-kun @hersscherofyatta @mariusvonhangme @yuzuricebun @hoshikistarlette @solaaresque @crowbird @lordbugs @flowersforayato @headintheclouddd @estelwrld @giyusimpsassemble @irethepotatosblog @moonlightaangel @alice0blog @shotosbrainrot @sniffoat @chihawari @mxsomn @kuni-kuzushii @jiminscarmex @mitsukii14 @nejibot @ylimeprive @sachispet @loreleis-world @sn-owo @starforecasts @someonetookmynamelmao @ceylestia @astrequa @ymikkos @reallysporadicarcade @melodyyamino @dudufodd @somberrock @yevenly @lemontum @nghing
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hotpinkstars · 3 months
Text
-> the house won't ever feel the same again
synopsis -> you and alhaitham got into a relationship-damaging fight.
w/c -> 1.3k
warnings -> hurt no comfort, alhaitham is an asshole in this, dehya is your emotional support lol, reader moves to liyue, arguing and insults, reader is an artist
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“alhaitham, please stop stressing. you cannot write twenty papers in the span of three hours. come to bed with me, dear.” 
you knew that this would happen. dating the acting grand sage of sumeru would be no easy feat. and now here he was, slumped over his desk, gripping an abnormally large mug of coffee. you telling him to stop was making the grip even harder. you noticed, and took a deep breath in.
“you know, getting angry is not going to get you anywhere. please, take my advice, and do not overwork yourself tonight.”
“can you not?” he snapped. “let me do my work.” 
this took you off guard for a second. he’s never said something like this to you before- even in your wedding vows, he promised he wouldn’t ever insult you, show major aggression to you, or put his hands on you. ever. 
“i’m simply just trying to help, dearest, please take my advice-” you stopped yourself, seeing his expression. he just rolled his eyes at you, bringing himself back into his work. you’ve never seen your husband do that, he’s always at least taken your words into regards. you try once more. “alhaitham, come to bed-” 
“can’t you tell i’m trying to do work? leave me the hell alone!” he slammed his hands on the table, making you jump back a little bit. tears were coming to your eyes, but you tried to control them. 
“what is with the sudden aggression? you have never done this before!” you raised your voice slightly to try and counter his words, trying to make yourself appear bigger than you felt you were. 
“you’re trying to interrupt me as i work. i will not tolerate it. you can wait. stop caring so much, would you?” he sighs, putting his face in his hands, running his hands up and down his head and ruffling his own hair. “leave me alone. how many times do i have to make myself clear? or is it not clear enough? are you just that stupid?” 
that sentence made you freeze. he did not at all look like he was going to take that back. you nodded and started to walk out the door before he grabbed your shoulder. you stopped once again, thinking this was him apologizing, but you turned around to find a very angry man. 
“and by the way, i’d never do that for you. that’s irritating, and your artwork isn’t worth caring for anyways. go.” 
and there was the start of many tears. you ran out in fear and sadness, wondering what ever got into him to lash out like that. you knew he could be extreme and give out major criticism, but he was never this harsh to you. you looked down at the band on your ring finger, spinning it around a few times. the good memories, your honeymoon, your wedding, and the proposal all came flooding through your mind. it made you cry even harder than you already were, if that's even possible. you slid the ring off and threw it on your nightstand of your shared home, and then was sure to make a point of moving it to his. so he could see the damage he’s caused. you packed a tiny bag and left for the night to go to your friend dehyas place. you knew she’d have some good advice for you.
after a short trek to see her, you knocked on her door, soaked from the rain. she welcomed you in with an impressively strong pat on the back, immediately noticing your puffy eyes and noticing the ring wasn’t where it was normally. 
“what happened to that ring that alhaitham married ya with? did divorce knock on your door?” she sighed. “i knew that’d happen, damned man.”
that sentence made you cry again. she immediately corrected her wrongdoings and pulled you into a strong embrace, stroking your hair. 
“alright, tell me what's the matter.”
“he raised his voice at me… he’s never done that before, dehya!!” you cried harder into her arms, and you could hear her sigh.
“that man, oh did he make a mistake. what are you going to do?” she asked, looking down at you without stopping her motions.
“i’m not sure.. i love him… but i don’t think he loves me..” you sniffled, hugging dehya even tighter now. she nodded, looking down at you in sorrow. she wishes on every star there was something she could do to make you feel better. 
“maybe you should try to talk to him. i know that’s probably not gonna do too much, but i guess it’s worth the effort…”
“but i tried that already, dehya! trust me, i tried to talk to him. and then he ever so rudely kicked me out like i was a colleague that was sent from the fortress of meropide in fontaine! worthless!” you groaned, letting your head fall dramatically on dehyas lap. 
“maybe you have to let him approach you first. give it time, it’ll probably happen.”
you thought long and hard about that night. it’s been two days since your argument, over what exactly? just because you didn’t want him to fail at his job? his papers don’t even have a near due date! if even one at all!! you sat against your bed, lightly scratching the ground with your nails. it seems alhaitham took the ring he gave you, and went back to work the next day. he probably isn’t even thinking about what happened, or so you thought.
considering, the night you got back from dehyas, you were welcomed home to him sipping on some tea, watching the television. probably some documentary about the history of the aranara. you said a slight hey, and he just looked at you, immediately making your heart sink. you sighed and walked away to the spare bedroom. the worst part was that he just let you. he didn’t seem like he cared, or willing to take back all of the insults he threw at you that night. it seemed like that night was the only thing you could think about. 
though, he feels super remorseful about the things he did and said that night. he hasn’t been able to properly focus, being logical enough to know that those words are something you’ll likely never bounce back from. you’ve already broken a paintbrush you’ve had, scratching a rip into a painting you spent hours on. he saw that when he came back home that night, gasping slightly. and that’s when the reality hit him. 
he’s currently slouching over his desk, doing something he’d never even fathom doing in a million years- doodling on his papers. he couldn’t focus, he felt he needed to make it up to you. but he’d only ignore you whenever you tried to take dehyas advice and maybe talk through it with him. he doesn’t know why he ignored you, he just thought he couldn’t talk to you properly in the moment. 
little did he know you were packing your suitcases to move into a small apartment you purchased with a fair amount of mora in the middle of liyue harbor. you told dehya about your plan, also letting her know to wait on letting alhaitham know about your plan. you were too hurt by his words, and you knew you could never be able to sleep in the same bed, nevertheless see the man anymore. you knew you were gonna be gone by dark tonight, which is plenty time before he’d get home. once you’ve packed the last of your things, you set off, taking a carriage to the chasm before being escorted by yelan herself to the harbor, tipping her a fair amount of mora for her kindness. you immediately felt more refreshed, in a new place, away from the man you’ve never known would be as toxic as he appeared to be.
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fallingdownhell · 1 year
Note
I absolutely love your works!
Can you make hurt/comfort with kazuha, albedo, alhaitham, cyno?
Where we're on a heated arguments about them too focusing on their job and completely forgot about reader
In the middle of the argument, the reader said
"Was i really nothing to you? Was i just some kind of object that you can just forget that easily?"
Thank you
Thank you so much!<3
And of course I can! I am always down to write some pretty, delicious angst!
Characters Included: Albedo; Cyno; Alhaitham; Kazuha
Content: Gender neutral reader; pre sumeru archon quest for Cyno's part; hurt/comfort; arguments; shouting; slight cursing;
Word count: 6k words
Thanks so much for the request. Hope you enjoy the end result!<3
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Albedo
It was rare for Albedo to come down from his lab all the way up in Dragonspine to the City of Mondstadt. You never really minded it, knowing that you could go there to see him at any time, while he also paid regular visits to your home.
Yet, for some time now.. those visits have stopped. He never came by anymore, far too consumed on some discovery he apparently made a few weeks ago.
Even when you travelled all the way to his laboratory on the mountain, in the icy colds of Dragonspine, Albedo had given you no attention whatsoever.
He had acknowledged your arrival, then went back to his work, while you were sitting in some corner by the fire, trying to warm up again. Even your attempts at conversation were flat out ignored, seeing as he never bothered to give an answer. You weren't even sure if he had noticed your departure a few hours after you had initially arrived.
You tried again two more times, but as you got the same result every time, you eventually stopped trying and didn't go back to Dragonspine.
Then, two weeks ago, you heard that Albedo was back in the city for a supply run.
Hoping that you would run into him to finally talk to him you spend your day in Mondstadt, but you never laid eyes upon him. When you asked Sucrose about it, she told you that he had already left again.
You went home to see if he made a trip there and you just so happened to miss him. But upon your return, you didn't find any note from him or any other indication that he had ever been here in the first place.
The same thing happened again a week after that, and by now you finally had enough. You went to the Acting Grand Master and she told you that Albedo would be back today again, to drop of some reports.
Which is why you were waiting for him outside of the Knights of Favonius headquarters, though still in some respectable distance.
When you finally saw him again after a few weeks, it felt like you haven't seen him for a lifetime.
So, without hesitation, you made your way over to him before he could enter the building. Yet, he seemed to be so deep into his own head that Albedo didn't even notice your approach.
Only when you were directly behind him and firmly said "Albedo.", did he stop and turn around, looking at you.
You could see the expression in his eyes once his gaze landed on you, like he had a sudden realization that you still existed and he had forgotten about that until that very moment. It honestly hurt.
"Hey. Where have you been all this time? I missed you..", you said, hoping to get some kind of positive reaction out of him.
"You know where I was, (name). I was busy.", he said and then turned around to leave again. You were honestly astounded that he simply wanted to let things stand as they are. Well, not today and most definitely not with you.
"You wanna leave? Just like that? Seriously?"
That seemed to have at least some kind of effect on him, as he stopped once again and turned in your direction. Except for this time, he wore an annoyed expression.
"What else do you want from me? I said that I'm busy."
After that, an argument broke out between the two of you in the middle of the street, but neither of you cared. No matter how much attention you drew upon you, it was too late now. You were both to heated and too caught up in it to stop now.
Things were said in the heat of the argument, you were sure both of you regretted ever saying out loud, yet neither of you could care less right now. Everything seemed to be fair game at this point.
Until Albedo said one specific thing.
"Archons, you're impossible sometimes, (name). Insufferable. I've better things to do right now, you know!"
Immediatly after he said that, Albedo knew he had crossed a line. The way you went silent, no comeback falling from your lips. You were just staring at him in shock, like you couldn't believe that he had just actually said that. He wanted to retract his statement, but his pride prevented him from doing so.
So, instead, you both just stood there for some time, silently staring at one another. When no reply came from you, Albedo dropped his head, then turned around once again. But before he could take a step, he heard your voice again, though this time, it sounded broken, silent sobs being held back.
"So, that's it? Was I nothing to you?", you whispered, your voice slowly starting to break from the tears forming within you, but Albedo was still able to hear you. "Just some kind of experiment or plaything that you can toss aside and simply forget about? Do I mean nothing to you?"
Upon hearing how broken you sounded, and what you actually said to him, he instantly turned around again, the sight of tears rolling down your face feeling like a knive had been thrust straight into his heart. And what's worst was that he was the cause for your tears.
You stood there, waiting for an answer from him. Yet, when nothing seemed to come out off his opening and closing mouth, you just nodded at him.
"I see..", you said, your voice now entirely void of any emotion whatsoever. That, and the fact that you were the one now turning around to leave him like that, was the twist of the imaginary knive in his chest.
Finally being able to break free of his frozen state, he rushed towards you, stopping you in your tracks as he pulled you into his chest, caging your arms around you, burying his face against your shoulder.
"I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry..", he whispered over and over into your ear, which only made the tears fall from your eyes even harder. You were shaking against him, struggling to breath. You wanted to break free from him, but at the same time, you never wanted to leave his embrace again.
"I'm so sorry, (name). You're wrong. You mean everything to me. I'm sorry I made you feel like that wasn't the case. And I apologize for the horrible things I said to you."
You stood there for a few more seconds, basking in his arms, then decided to slip free. Albedo let you, almost certain that you would be walking away from him now.
But you didn't.
Instead, you turned around to look at him, allowing him to see your tear stained face that he was the cause of.
"I think... we have a lot to talk about..", you mumbled, not being able to look him in the eyes entirely. But Albedo still saw it as what it was supposed to be.
A chance. A second chance to talk things out with you, make it better between you two.
And he gladly took that chance.
From now on, he would do anything to put a smile on your face every day, never wanting to be the cause for your tears ever again.
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Cyno
Two months.
That was how long it has been since you had your boyfriend to yourself for more than a few hours.
Every day, he came back from his work much more later than he usually would, sometimes even not coming home for days on end. He didn't even leave a note or something to inform you of his absence, making you even more worried about him.
And now, even when he was at home with you, he was so cold and distant towards you. Sometimes, he went straight to take a shower and then to bed, not even sparing you a second. Other times, he did spend time with you, but you could tell that his mind was somewhere else, giving only short answers to your questions and statements.
Seeing all this, you couldn't help the doubt starting to well up inside you.
Did he fall out of love with you?
Did you do something wrong? Was he mad at you?
Was he... cheating on you?
You didn't want to think any of these possibilities true, but it was hard to ignore them when Cyno was behaving like this.
You tried to talk to him about this, how you felt, a few times, but he never really listened to you, keeping the conversation short so you couldn't bring your point across.
And now, you began to not only doubt him and the relationship as a whole, you doubted everything.
Did he ever even love you?
Was he only doing this out of convenience?
Were you just.. something expandable to him?
All of these questions and doubts plagued your mind day in and day out, not being able to find any answers to them whatsoever. The only one being able to give you the answers you so desperately wanted and needed, refused to give them to you.
It was driving you insane.
And now, you hit your breaking point. You weren't able to take it anymore. The constant doubt had turned itself into a depressive episode. You wanted to break free from it, but you also wanted to give Cyno one final chance. One chance to explain himself to you, to tell you the truth.
If he refused again, you would not hesitate to leave. Your mind was made up, everything was arranged. You had a small bag prepared, filled with clothing and other stuff you needed.
Tighnari had offered you to stay for a few days at Gandharva Ville where you could sort yourself out if you were not able to talk things through with Cyno. You were so grateful to him, though a small part in you still hoped that it wouldn't come down to this.
That evening, you waited and waited for Cyno to return home from work, but with every passing hour that he didn't show up, you lost more and more hope that he would come home at all today.
You sighed and were about to get up from your spot in the living room to go to bed, when the sound of the front door opening caught your attention. After all, it could only be one person that has the other key to the apartement.
"Welcome back!", you greeted him as you went out to the hallway, seeing your boyfriend standing there. He looked at you with a tired expression but didn't say anything in return.
Instead, he walked right past you, not sparing you another glance. You were baffled, to say the least. That blatant ignorance from him was what gave you the last push you had needed.
"Seriously?", you just said, turning around to face him again, this time though, wearing a stone cold expression.
"(Name), please. Not right now. I'm tired in case you didn't notice."
"Oh, I did notice. But I don't care anymore, Cyno. We have to talk."
"Please, (name). We can talk tomorrow, okay? I just want to go to bed now, not argue about something trivial."
Oh, he really dealt the final blow with that one.
"So, that's it? Do I even mean nothing to you? Was I just some kind of object you can forget about? Does this relationship even mean anything to you anymore?", you threw all of that towards him, not caring that you got more and more worked up with every word you said.
When you were met with nothing but silence from him, you took that as his answer to your questions.
"Okay..", was all you said, turning around and grabbing your packed bag before you went out the door, not even sparing Cyno one last glance. You just wanted to get out of there.
Cyno just stood there for a few minutes, still looking at the spot were you were standing before. Only now did the events catch up to his tired mind, yet he still didn't move.
He saw the defeated look on your face, the way your shoulders slumped at his dismissiveness, but he shrugged it off. Instead of running after you and trying to mend this misunderstanding, he went to the bathroom, took a shower and then made himself comfortable in the bed.
He was sure you would have returned by tomorrow and then you could talk about it.
....
Two days.
Two days have gone by and you still hadn't returned home. By this point, Cyno was beyond worried about you. After all, it was dark when you went out and he hasn't heard from you since then and no one in the city seemed to have seen you, either.
Thinking back to your last words towards him made him want to beat his past self up for not sitting down and talking to you then and there. For not running after you and bringing you back. Back to him where you belonged to.
He knew that he was neglecting you these past two months. It's not like he wanted to do so. Work has been increasing for him, the sages at the Academiya were up to something, and not of the good kind.
It put a lot of pressure on him, yet at the same time, he had to try and keep a low profile, for his sake as well as yours. But in doing so, he didn't even notice how much he had distanced himself from you. He really wanted to punch himself in the face for that, but it's not like that would bring you back to him, so he refrained from it.
He had been searching for you almost the entire day when you hadn't returned yet again. But his search seemed to not be granted success today either.
Not knowing what else to do, he decided to head over to Gandharva Ville. Maybe Tighnari would be willing to listen to him and maybe have a suggestion on how he could find you and apologize to you.
Once he arrived, he immediately made his way over to his friends hut, not caring for all the looks other people gave him. He was used to it at this point anyways.
As expected, he found Tighnari sitting at his table, scrunched over some research report. Upon his entry, his ear twitched and he looked at his friend. Cyno did find it odd however, that his friend looked at him with such a surprised expression. After all, it wasn't unusual for him to arrive unannounced.
"Cyno? What are you doing here?"
"What, can't visit a friend anymore?", he said jokingly, though it didn't sound convincing at all, judging by the look on Tighnari's face.
"You're right..", Cyno sighed instead, grabbing an empty chair and sitting beside his friend. "I need your help. It's about (name).."
"Oh, that situation? Yeah, I've heard about it from them already."
"You did? From who? And when?", Cyno asked, suddenly gaining new hope. If you were here, he might still have a chance at finding you.
"From them. I offered them a place to stay for a few days. Though after everything they told me, I didn't think you would actually search for them."
So you were here... and his best friend knew about the situation and was severly judging him. Cyno knew he deserved it, but he still wanted to try and make things right again.
"Tighnari, please tell me where they are. I need to talk to them. Please."
Tighnari looked at him long and hard, most likely trying to assess his intentions.
With a sigh, he then turned back around, focusing his attention back to his research. "I gave them the open cottage on the other side of the village. They should be in there, seeing as they haven't left it since they arrived here."
"Thanks.", Cyno mumbled, scrambling to get up from the chair to rush to where you are. He was almost out the door, when Tighnari's voice caught his attention again, calling his name.
Cyno turned around, facing his friend again. "Don't fuck it up again.", he advised, to which Cyno nodded his head. He wouldn't, he would make sure of that.
When he arrived at your temporary residence, he immediately went to knock on the door. He waited outside for a few seconds, but no reply.
So he knocked again, more urgent this time.
Still no reply.
"(Name)!", he exclaimed this time, knocking on your door again, but still to no avail.
Getting desperate, he decided to just try and see if the door was unlocked or not.
It was. The door slid open soundlessly, inviting him inside. Carefully, he walked inside, letting his eyes take in the interior. Since the door and most of the windows have been shut, it was almost dark in here, and to top it off, he didn't hear a sound.
He was almost panicing again, thinking that you might have actually left this place, until his eyes fell on the bed, and on it, he saw your sleeping figure.
Relief flooded over him, finally being able to see you again and to actually have the knowledge that you were safe and sound.
He then walked closer to you, only to take in your state. You may have looked peaceful sleeping like this, but your eyes were red and swollen, telling him that you had cried before falling asleep. And he knew that the reason for your sadness had been him.
The need to punch himself rose again, for making you feel this way when he had promised to do everything in his power to never do that.
Instead, he decided to crouch down on the floor, next to the bed, gently taking your hand into his, placing a soft kiss to the back of your hand.
He would wait here until you woke up again, no matter how many hours from now that would be. He would wait for you and ask you to please consider talking to him.
He wanted to properly explain himself and apologize to you. Whatever you decided on doing afterwards, he would comply by it. If you wanted to break up with him, he would understand that. If you decided to give him a second chance, he would thank you on his hands and knees.
But that decision would be yours to make and he was prepared to accept whatever would be thrown his way. But for now, he was content with simply holding your hand, quietly enjoying your presence which he had missed so much...
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Alhaitham
The Scribe of the Academiya has been getting more and more busy these days. Well, for now, it's best to say "former" Scribe, since he has been temporarely promoted to Acting Grand Sage.
You knew that your boyfriend had absolutely zero intention of keeping that position, even if he was more than befitting for it, seeing how knowledgeable he was.
But he much rather prefered a simple life, and you couldn't argue with that logic. Who wouldn't like that, especially when pay and work hours weren't really affected either way.
Still, for now, both you and him had to live with the changed circumstances, even though neither of you were happy with them.
Alhaitham was working even more now, trying to sort out certain matters until a new Grand Sage has been chosen. You haven't really seen or talked to him in days, yet you brushed it off, telling yourself that it would change again once he got his old position back again.
Sure, he may have cancelled a few dates and had to call off a get together with your parents, but that was perfectly understandable.
You continued to give yourself excuse after excuse, hoping that soon enough, things would get back to the way they were before all of this had happened.
Couldn't take too long...right?
...
Three hours..
You had waited for him, at Puspa Café, where you were supposed to meet for your first ever date in ages again.
And he didn't show up... Again.
You wanted to give Alhaitham the benefit of the doubt, but it was getting increasingly more difficult for you.
When you got to the home you shared with him, you were greeted by an eerie silence, telling you, that he wasn't even home to begin with.
Probably still at the Academiya, working.
You sigh, adding yet another dissapointment to the list, as you went into the bathroom to get changed into more comfortable clothes. To think that you dressed up for the occaison, only to experience heartbreak again.
It's really starting to get difficult for you to forgive him for all this stuff.
....
Yet another date cancelled by him, thanks to not showing up... Again..
But this time, he didn't even come home in the evening.
It had you worried about him beyond anything, not knowing what was going on since he always came back.
You didn't sleep that night at all, only for him to angrily walk through the front door at three in the morning, mumbling something about the incompetence of the people he was forced to work with.
He only spared a glance in your direction before he went straight into the bedroom. By the time you got in there as well, he was already fast asleep in the bed. And when you woke up in the morning, he was already gone, not even leaving you with a note or anything like he usually would.
Somehow, this was your last straw.
You endured the exact same scenario so many times before. Yet, somehow, this time was just one too many times.
Next time, you promised yourself, next time you see him, you would talk to him about it, no matter if he wanted or not. Because if you didn't then there was no reason in your eyes to continue this dying relationship.
....
Turns out, the next time you would see him would once again be in the dead of the night, thanks to Alhaitham not coming home again any earlier.
When he walked through the door, he was surprised to see you still awake. Normally, you would already be asleep and he would just silently slip under the covers next to you, enjoying what little he was able to get from being close to you again gave him, before he was also knocked out cold.
But with you standing there in front of him, expression cold and hard, he knew something was up with you. And yet, he just didn't have the energy to deal with that right now. He just wanted to sleep.
"We need to talk, Alhaitham."
No greeting, no nicknames, no nothing. You were definitely upset, yet he still tried to get out off talking right now.
"Can we do this tomorrow, (name)? I'm tired."
"You mean like all the other times you promised me something and then stood me up? No, I think not. We talk about this now."
Oh, so that's what got you so upset?
"Look, I told you I would be busy for some time until things at the Academiya get sorted out. You can't tell me you didn't know about this.", he tried to reason with you, but it only seemed to upset you even more.
"You did say that.. but it's been weeks since I've last actually talked to you. It feels more like I'm your housekeeper right now, not your partner."
"This is absurd. Now you're just thinking too much into things, (name)."
After that statement, an argument broke out between you two, right here in the hallway where you "greeted" Alhaitham. You weren't full on shouting at each other, but you were talking pretty loudly. If people were to walk by outside, they could probably hear every word you guys were throwing at each other.
But neither of you cared right now.
At some point, Alhaitham walked past you, into the living room, trying to escape the argument. But you insisted on continuing it, following him into the room and at this point, he was getting fed up with the situation.
"Archons, (name)! Can you just shut up and leave me be? I don't have time for trivial things right now!"
Immediately after he said that, you went silent and his words caught up with him as well.
He looked at you, saw how tears started to form in your eyes and instantly regretted ever letting those words fall out of his mouth. Nothing was more important than you in his eyes, and yet, he still said that to you. Like you didn't mean the world to him, which you did.
"(Name)-!"
"So, what? Was i really nothing to you? Was i just some kind of object that you can just forget about that easily? To toss aside when you don't want it anymore?"
You hated how your voice cracked halfway through, how tears started to escape your eyes. And despite how much his words had hurt you, you still didn't want to run from the situation. You had to see it through.
"If that is how you truly feel about me, maybe we should end-!"
Before you were able to end your sentence, you were suddenly pushed against a strong chest, warm arms keeping you in an embrace you had longed so much for, yet right now, it wasn't comforting at all.
"Let go off me..", you stated weakly, giving no indication that you planned to reciprocate his sign of affection.
"Never..", he whispered, and with the way he sounded right now, you could almost think that he was starting to cry as well. Almost..
"I'm so sorry, (name). I truly didn't mean to say that. Please, you have to believe me, I don't mean it. You are not trivial to me, nor is our relationship.
I.. I love you. I truly do. Though I don't openly say it that often, that doesn't mean my words hold any less truth in them. You have to believe me."
"I want to... I really want to believe you, Alhaitham. But with the way things are and have been for those weeks... I don't think I can.."
By now, the tears are streaming freely from your face and you weakly put your hands against his chest, needing some kind of stability.
"Then let me prove it to you. Let me prove to you that I still love you like the first day, that I never stopped loving you, even if my words and actions made you think otherwise."
You were silent after that for some time, thinking it over. You had no idea what the best course of action for you would be, but in the end, you decided to go with what your heart was telling you. Wether or not you would regret that decision, you had to find that out in the future.
"...One more chance. You better don't fuck up again or I'm leaving for good.", you mumbled against his chest, his shirt already stained with your tears, but neither you nor Alhaitham cared about that in the slightest.
All he could focus on, was you in his arms and the fact you granted him with another chance. And he intended to use it the best he could.
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Kazuha
Between travelling around the different nations and helping out Beidou on board of the Alchor from time to time, Kazuha never really had much time.
You love Kazuha. You really do...
But sometimes, you just can't help but wonder if you even have a relationship with him at this point.
When he's gone again, for weeks or sometimes even months on end, and the only form of communication with him stems from a few letters sprinkled in between here and there, how could you not doubt?
In the beginning, you used to travel around with him. And while you enjoyed the time spent with your boyfriend, getting to see all those different places and creating wonderful memories with him, you eventually grew tired of it.
That's not to say that you didn't enjoy wandering around the nations with Kazuha by your side, but you just couldn't imagine spending your entire life like this. Never being provided with a place of your own, to call your home, constantly on the go.
It just wasn't your way of living.
Kazuha understood that and would never force you to accompany him, just like you would never force him to stay with you, even when sometimes the loneliness just got more to you than on other days.
He always came back to you, but he never stayed for more than a few days before he was out the door again, not to be seen for an unknown amount of time.
It was difficult, living like this. You tried to live off the memories and happy moments you had with him when he was here with you, but it wasn't enough anymore. You wanted him by your side again, but you also knew that he would suffer in the long run if you were to ask him to stay here with you.
However, in your mind, it also wasn't an option to just leave thing unmentioned.
Which is why you made the desicion, that the next time he would come home to you, you needed to talk to him about your thoughts and feelings, in hopes you could come to a solution together.
.....
Turns out, the next time he's home again would be three months later. And like always, only letters could have been exchanged throughout this entire time.
Kazuha already had a sneaking suspicion that something wasn't right with you. He couldn't exactly pinpoint it, but the way you were writing in these letters sounded off from your usual way, which is also why he tried to make it back to you as soon as he could. He felt bad that it still took him this long, but there was nothing he could have done about it.
The city he resided in when he got that particular letter from you underwent a strict lockdown only hours later, due to a prisoner escaping. The entire city had been shut down to find him as quickly as possible, all forms of communication had also been cut short.
It took them three weeks to apprehend the convict again, and as soon as the city doors opened again, Kazuha was out of them and on his way back to you.
...
When Kazuha arrived back at the little cottage the two of you shared, it was in the late afternoon.
Already, when he opened the door, he was absolutely certain now that something was wrong. Usually, you would come running to greet him at the first noise or hint that he had come back.
But now? Nothing.
"(Name)? I'm back!", he yelled, in hopes of getting your attention this way, but still, no reaction. Maybe you were out buying groceries or something?
Still, Kazuha decided to wander through the different rooms, just to make sure he wouldn't miss anything. And now, he's glad that he did as he saw you sitting on the patio, wrapped up in a comfortable blanket.
As he approached you, he noticed that you must be deep in your thoughts, just staring ahead of you. He gently opened the door and when that also didn't seem to catch your attention, he decided to speak up.
"Darling?", he asked, cautiously, not wanting to spook you.
You flinched a little at the unexpected sound coming from behind you, but just as quickly, you relaxed again, realizing who that voice belonged to.
"Kazuha. You're back.", you stated, grazing him with a small smile as you turned around to look at him, but nothing more. Normally, you would jump up into his arms, almost taking his breath away.
But Kazuha didn't say anything about it, instead, he grabbed one of the other chairs and sat right beside you. He gently took one of your hands into his, holding it like that. He missed this, missed this physical contact with you.
"Please.. Tell me what's been bothering you, darling."
"....was I that obvious?", you asked, causing a small smile to appear on Kazuha's lips. But he didn't answer, instead waited for you to continue on.
You sighed, fixing your gaze away from him and ahead of you again, thinking about how to best approach this. It was silent for a few minutes until you spoke up again.
"It's just... You're always gone for so long that I-!"
Before you could actually finish your sentence, Kazuha began to groan beside you, making you look at him in confusion.
"(Name).. you know that I don't like being bound to one place."
"I know that, but-!"
"No but's! You knew what you were involving yourself in by being with me. Why are we even having this conversation now?"
You were shocked, not expecting Kazuha to immediately get so defensive about this. All you wanted was to talk to him and maybe propose an idea you had got when he was away. But the way he was acting right now made you feel bitter.
"Can you just listen to me? I'm not trying to confine you, I just-!"
"Yes, you are, (name). What else could you possibly want to achieve by beginning the conversation like that?"
Fed up from being interrupted by him a third time now, you've had enough. An argument started to ensue, when you didn't even intend for this to happen.
You've never experienced something like this with Kazuha, he was always level-headed, calm and collected. So why was he suddenly getting so defensive over this topic. It really wasn't like you were trying to hold him here.
But, with each thing said, both you and him grew more and more heated, the shouting starting to get louder and louder, until Kazuha suddenly stood up.
"If I knew you would get like that, maybe I shouldn't have returned at all."
As you heard him say that, you instantly went silent, looking at him with your eyes wide open.
No.. he couldn't mean that, right?
It also now seemed to catch up to Kazuha what he just said, as he also turned to look at you, shock written all over his face.
"(Name), I...", he began to stay, but trailed off, not knowing what he even wanted to say in the first place. He knew he had fucked up with that statement.
"So, that's it? I wasn't anything to you? Just something you can toy with when you get bored, only to be thrown away when you don't want me anymore?"
A single tear escaped you, running down your cheek and Kazuha immediately had the instinct to wipe it away from your beautiful face, to pull you into his arms and tell you how sorry he was.
So he did just that, pulling you into him, holding your face against his chest as he held your head secure with his hand, your tears now starting to come out freely.
"I'm so sorry, darling. I didn't mean to say such horrible things. No words can express how much I regret ever letting them out of my mouth."
You weren't able to answer him, your breathing being erratic, trying to choke down your sobs and crys. It positively broke Kazuha's heart that he was the immediate cause for this.
He just let you cry in his arms until you calmed down again, all the while he kept apologizing to you over and over, telling you how much he loved you and how much you meant to him.
The two of you would have to continue this conversation, but not today. Not when both of you were this wound up from everything that had happened.
The talking could be done tomorrow. Now was the time for healing...
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wondermilka · 9 months
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Fading Hearts
Pairing : Alhaitham x fem! reader
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Summary : you are in an arranged marriage with Alhaitham.
TW : angst, no comfort.
→ royal era
a/n: im back and with angst ;)
At the break of dawn, you were awoken and the maids immediately came to prepare you for an important journey to the royal palace. She explained that you were to be married to Alhaitham, the sole heir to the throne.
The reason behind this arranged marriage was that the present king insisted Alhaitham could only ascend to the throne after getting married.
Although he had two more years before taking on the responsibilities of rulership, the king struck a deal with your parents.
Due to your family's unwavering loyalty to the royal family for generations and their status as the strongest noble family in the kingdom, they readily agreed to this arrangement without hesitation.
This decision was made even though your parents had little regard for you, their youngest daughter, as you didn't possess the same talents as your older sister.
Despite that, you were sent off to the palace with no possessions, expected to bring nothing but yourself for this pivotal union.
Upon meeting Alhaitham, it became evident that he embodied qualities of duty, honor, and responsibility. He had earned high praise for his governance skills, making him the ideal candidate to ascend to the throne.
From the very day of their wedding, Alhaitham showed no regard for you. Viewing your marriage as a mere political alliance, he paid you little attention, if any at all.
Due due to the demands of his royal responsibilities, Alhaitham often had to leave you behind in your luxurious yet isolated residence, leaving you little time to truly get to know each other.
Understanding the situation, you yourself recognized that your marriage was a legal union rather than one rooted in love. You knew better not to expect anything more from him.
After all, you were nothing but the despised daughter of your family, sent away to wed the heir without your will.
Despite Alhaitham's indifference, you refused to give up on your marriage. You spent your days learning about your husband's interests, hoping to find some common ground that would connect you. You tried to be the perfect wife, preparing his favorite meals, and making sure the palace was a welcoming place for him to return to.
Yet, every time Alhaitham returned from his official duties, he would greet you with a cold nod, barely acknowledging your efforts. It was evident that his heart was elsewhere.
Alhaitham's friend, Kaveh, who was also his trusted advisor, noticed the growing rift between the couple.
He could see the pain in your eyes, hidden behind a forced smile, and the emotional detachment in Alhaitham's actions.
Kaveh confronted Alhaitham, urging him to give their marriage a chance, reminding him that you were a worthy partner who deserved love and respect.
However, Alhaitham remained unwavered, shutting himself off from his emotions. He could not bring himself to love you, and he didn't wish to deceive you with false affection.
He believed that fulfilling his duty as future king was enough, even if it meant living a marriage devoid of love.
He told himself that he must get divorced once he settles down on the throne. But for the meantime, he'll have to hold on for the remaining 2 years.
As the months turned into years, your spirit slowly faded. You continued to put on a facade of happiness for the sake of the kingdom and Alhaitham's reputation, but inside, your heart was breaking.
The once lively and spirited woman was now a shadow of her former self, worn down by the unrequited love and loneliness.
One fateful evening, Alhaitham returned home with a heavy heart. Kaveh had advised him to reconsider his stance, but Alhaitham remained firm.
As he stepped into the palace, he noticed you sitting by the window, tears streaming down your cheeks. The sight pierced his heart, but he couldn't bring himself to console you.
"I'm sorry." Alhaitham whispered as he walked past you without a word, retreating to his study.
You knew that nothing would change; your hopes of gaining his favor and trust were shattered.
You understood that you were simply a pawn in a political game, and Alhaitham's heart had no interest for you.
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giamee · 7 months
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𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐕! BRO THINK HE LONE
<- prev masterlist next ->
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𖦹 dehya noticed that when you fell asleep, your head was leaning in cyno's direction, and decided to guide it onto her shoulder instead. cyno seemed disappointed at this.
𖦹 gia's notes ⌨ idk why the emojis are so petite dawg 😭 anyways DOUBLE UPDATE bc i feel bad about it taking so long to update the series + this is kinda filler anyway
𖦹 taglist ( let me know if you want to be added / your username changed! ) -> @makimakimi @aeongiies @sukunasrealgf @ssoliva @sakiimeo @eggn0gcookie @yxcade @fiona782 @heartswonder @eunchaeluvr @clumsyphuq @pinksodacan @aelxr @themusingsofmany @obervation-subject-753 @kittycasie @aimno256 @maxineshearts @mafuyuslover @meigalaxy @mintydump
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iicheeze · 1 year
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THE FOOL & THE STUBBORN
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Once, a Princess of a powerful empire fell in love with a lowly commoner. She was determined to marry the man, thinking that he was the right one.
However, the Commoner despises love. As he has had terrible experiences of it. And when he found out that the princess is in love with him. He was disgusted.
He tried everything to avoid the woman. Yet, the Princess would always manage to find him.
“ Will you marry me? ” She would always say with a lovely, bright smile.
The Commoner wanted oh-so badly to say no. But he was talking to a person with nobility. Just speaking to her badly would be like asking for death.
So, he'd always politely say.
“ I don't know, give me more time. ”
And so, everyday, the Princess would propose to the man. Any chance she could. And the Commoner would always say the same words.
And the cycle would repeat, day by day, again, and again, and again.
However, the princess was dying for a different answer. So she asked the jester of the empire for help.
Yet the jester did not spoke a word. As its job is to just entertain the noble.
With so much love to give, the princess cried and cried. Clutching her heart in pain.
And yet, another day has passed.
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She proposed to the man again, this time, a less brighter smile. Hopeful as ever.
Yet the same words were spoken out.
“ I don't know, give me more time. ”
The Commoner still showed no remorse for the woman. As he left the Princess behind.
The Princess expected this. Usually, she'd think in a positive, excited way.
Now, she couldn't help but think.
Perhaps.
It is time to move on.
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As the commoner was invited to the lovely wedding of two empires, he thought to himself.
Finally.
Yet, his chest started to hurt.
It was palpitating so fast, so loud.
It hurts.
Why is it doing that?
He didn't want to show up to the wedding. Thinking of it as a nuisance.
Yet his family insisted.
So he did.
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As the church's bells chimed, flower petals falling from the sky, and a loud, continuous cheer echoed through the building.
A bride and a groom could be seen.
The bride, oh, the bride.
She was beautiful.
She was stunning.
She was heavenly.
The Commoner couldn't help but be surprised.
Why is the Princess marrying another?
The Commoner knew that rejecting the princess would result to leaving the woman heartbroken.
He knew that she proposed to the man an ungodly amount of times.
But why did it hurt so badly?
He wanted nothing but to close his eyes.
But the Princess was so beautiful, and so happy.
The Commoner was astonished.
Had he been in love with the Princess?
Then why would he reject the Princess' proposal?
Perhaps, it's because of his terrible, terrible experience with love.
Perhaps, it's because he thinks of her as a filthy, selfish noble.
Perhaps, he can't see himself being happy with another.
Perhaps, it's because he wanted to accept the proposal. but he thinks the Princess is too good for a lowly commoner like him.
The Commoner was in love with the princess.
Yet he was too late to realize that.
Now, she is happy with another man.
Who isn't him.
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“ Geez, the commoner's such an idiot. ” [Name] grumbled, finally closing the short novel. “ Why are you even reading that in the first place? ” Kaveh asked, confused.
“ Well, I found an old novel earlier when I was sorting out my stuff. ehe. ” The [Hair Color] chuckled.
“ Plus, the commoner reminded me of a certain someone. ” “ Huh? Who? ”
“ I love you. ” The gray-haired male stated, “ .. What. ” [Name] sweat dropped.
“ I've loved you for a long time. Before you and Kaveh got together, before you two got married, and.. ”
“ I realized that too late. ”
“ I know I broke your heart that day. I know of it. Kokomi won't stop tweeting about you crying and not getting out of your room. The professors kept getting worried about you because of your absence. ” “ You can stop, that's too embarrassing bro. ”
“ But at that day.. I didn't know that I was in love with you too. You could say I was at.. Denial. But not what you think of. ” “ What do you mean? ”
“ ..I was afraid. ” “ What? ”
“ I was afraid that I wouldn't be a good lover. I was afraid that you would break my heart. I was afraid of you leaving me. I was.. ”
“ I was afraid of loving. ”
“ So I closed off my heart. And I turned you away. ” “ ... ”
“ And I wished that I never did. ”
“ Uh.. Dear, you're spacing out again. ” Kaveh stated, snapping his lover back to reality. “ Oh, right. The commoner just reminded me of.. ”
“ .. I don't know. I forgot. ”
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TAGLIST || @star-star-fall-inlove @nachotrash @baelloraa @tanspostsblog @kalpie @makimakimi @nishayuro @zomzomb1e @sassy-cat-in-town @aloveablechaos @ceylestia @severedvigility @goubaia @6-022-10-23 @duhsies @suwnshine @xiaos-wife1 @kysrion @kunikuzushisbeloved @mariposa666haruka @sunsinrinn @milkm4nz @klementime @beesgobuzzbuzz @perhapseven7eggs @fluffyxcloudz @orionicchaos @1-800asimpforfugo @thelonelyarchon @hysteriablues @idolautism @sunsethw4 @escapeis
(BOLD MEANS I CAN'T TAG YOU! IF THERE'S A CHANGE TO YOUR USERNAME, PLEASE TELL ME!)
MASTERLIST || 3 MONTHS, 3 DAYS, AND 33 MINUTES
AUTHOR'S NOTES || this is an extra to the 3 Months, 3 Days, and 33 Minutes since i think i havent posted a single chapter or extra stuff to it lmao
after this i'll post chapter 5 LMAOAOA
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milkywaywrites · 10 months
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𝓓𝓮𝓮𝓹𝓮𝓼𝓽 𝓕𝓮𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓰
𝑬𝒗𝒆𝒓 𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒚𝒐𝒖'𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒏 𝒂 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒑 𝒘𝒊𝒕𝒉 𝑨𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒎, 𝒉𝒆 𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒔 𝒂𝒏 𝒆𝒚𝒆 𝒐𝒏 𝑵𝒊𝒍𝒐𝒖 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒏𝒐𝒘 𝑨𝒍𝒉𝒂𝒊𝒕𝒉𝒂𝒎 𝒄𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒃𝒐𝒕𝒉 𝒐𝒇 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒔𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒆𝒅 𝒓𝒐𝒐𝒎𝒔 𝒂𝒇𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒑𝒂𝒔𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒘𝒉𝒊𝒍𝒆 𝒉𝒆 𝒅𝒐𝒆𝒔 𝒊𝒕 𝑲𝒂𝒗𝒆𝒉 𝒔𝒖𝒅𝒅𝒆𝒏𝒍𝒚 𝒈𝒊𝒗𝒆𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒎 𝒂 𝒍𝒆𝒕𝒕𝒆𝒓 𝒇𝒓𝒐𝒎 𝒚𝒐𝒖.
.ೃ࿐ 𝙿𝚊𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚗𝚐: 𝙰𝚕𝚑𝚊𝚒𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚖 𝚡 𝙶𝚗!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛
.ೃ࿐ 𝚃𝚠: 𝙳𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚑, 𝙾𝚗𝚎 𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚍-𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎, 𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜, 𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚜𝚝
.ೃ࿐ 𝚆𝚘𝚛𝚍𝚜: 𝟻𝟹𝟸
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Ever since you're in a relationship with Alhaitham, he keeps an eye on Nilou and now Alhaitham cleaning both of your shared rooms after your passing while he does it Kaveh suddenly gives him a letter from you.
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Dear, Alhaitham
Nilou's dance is always so amazing and dazzling, right? 
You always look at her with a little bit of a smile on your stoic face, well have you ever smiled at me that way? I don't know
I was always jealous and want to pull your chin to just look at me alone but that was unfair and too much right?  
Every time I see you smile at her I feel dizzy and have chest pain, wanting you to comfort me with a hug. 
But don't worry I always love you! I know this is dumb, but this is how I feel. 
I'm sorry I didn't tell you about my illness, or maybe I don't have to be sorry? Maybe I shouldn't write this letter.
The doctor said I don't have a lot of time left, but I don't want to trust him. I just hope that you never find this letter and we already live happily ever after if that's possible.
I'm sorry I forced you to be in this relationship with me, I know that you didn't like it when I nuzzle or cuddle with you. But I just want to feel that warm.
The warm that isn't pure at all, at least I know someone with me.
Every time I hug you my chest pain always eases a little, isn't it amazing how I was so comfortable with you?
I wrote this letter in Bimarstan, Kaveh found me passed out while waiting for you. I don't know what you're doing now, but please don't push yourself too hard Mr. Grand sage! 
I hope you eat the cake that I made. I just hope that's not the last cake that I made for you.
Eat it okay?
I'm sorry if this letter leaves a tears stain... I just want to express how I feel.
I always hesitate when I try to say it to your face to face, my brain always gives me countless possibilities of what your answer is, and most of them are answer that I don't want to hear. 
Nilou is lucky really... Have a man like you that love her. She is sweet, isn't she? I already tell her that you have an eye for her! Don't worry. 
I just want to pay you back after what you did for me because I'm being clingy and always want to be with you 24/7  and now you deserve to be happy. 
I died happily even if sit on Bimarstan bed like this.
Thank you for everything.
I hope you forgive me and forget me.
Be happy Alhaitham. 
If I die I always watch you from up there!
Keeping an eye out for you.
Be your guardian angel 
Y/n
I love you soo much, more than anything! 
"Sorry... I-"
With love
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He mumbles to himself.
But it was all too late. 
He takes a deep breath and tries to keep the tears that try fall out of his eyes.
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Notes: Thank you for reading!  I’m sorry If I messed something up and typo some words. Love you all!
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strawberrylabs · 7 months
Text
Whumptober day 2 with Alhaitham!
prompt: "They don't care about you"
Whumptober masterlist
Summary: You should've listened to your friends when they warned you about the acting grand sage
Warnings: Alhaitham kinda a bitch, gaslighting, manipulation, neglect, mildly yandere themes, toxic relationship, fighting, alludes to character death, derealisation
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When your friends warned you about dating Alhaitham you didn't listen to them.
"He doesn't seem like the relatioinship type."
"He's too disconnected"
"There's something strange about the way he looks at you.."
But you brushed them off. You were in love after all.
And besides, he loved you too! He must have loved you, why else would the stoic Acting Grand Sage himself agree to date you?
Besides, your relationship was great! Alhaitham told everyone about your relationship. He bragged about you all the time!
You never really paid attention to the fact he made extra sure to mention it to Kaveh whenever you saw him.
Your relationship was so sweet! Alhaitham plans weekly date nights which eventually become so frequent that everynight is date night!
You brush off your friends complaints that they never see you anymore.
Alhaitham is so observant and caring! He let you know as soon as he realised how distant your friends have been lately. You know you spend lots of time with your lover, but its not like you're with him 24/7!
You dont acknowledge that Alhaitham encouraged you to take night classes to avoid them. He said that if they were really your friends, they would change their schedule for you.
Alhaitham is so smart. This one time your friends tried to convince you that Alhaitham was manipulating you into cutting contact with them. They tried to convince you to leave him! You almost believed them, but luckily Alhaitham pointed out how flawed their logic was, and scared them into never going near you again.
You push the thoughts of what they said deep into your mind, too afraid to admit they may be right.
Alhaitham gets so overprotective of you, its cute! One time Kaveh came up to you and tried to lie to you saying Alhaitham didn't actually love you.
"I made some stupid comment about how he can do anything but keep a partner and he flipped!
When your friends tried to tell you, he pushed them away because he can't risk you leaving him and proving me right!
Don't you see? He's sick in the head!
He's manipulating you into letting him be your only human contact so you stay with him! You have to leave before it gets worse!"
Before you could even begin to entertain the idea, Alhaitham appeared from behind you and began punching Kaveh. It's a goof thing he was there, you were almost starting to believe the architect!
You can never manage to recall what happened after, as if you blacked out the second Kaveh fell unconscious. But you vaguley remember that Alhaitham didn't stop and, and the macabre crack of bone. Or perhaps the crack was within your mind? You can't tell.
Alhaitham is so kind. When you mentioned you hadn't seen your friends for a while, he enlightened you by saying they were toxic, and abandoned you.
"They don't care about you."
His words were cold, and unlike you had ever heard him before.
You decided you would do you studies at home from then on.
You wondered why Alhaitham already had the paper work ready the second you mentioned it. You also tried not to think about how you never left the house anymore. It was for the best right? yeah, of course it was!
Alhaitham was so loving! He went out and worked so much to provide for you both. Sometimes, he even got home before midnight so you could spend and hour with him before you both went to bed!
You felt bad whenever he told you he was too tired to entertain you. But it's ok, you know he's just exhausted!
One time you tried to say you were exhausted too. He spoke coldly towards you, saying you dont know the meaning of the word.
But you do know right?
Or don't you?
You can't recal.
Alhaitham is so considerate! He's so busy now, he barely has time to speak to you at all. But that's ok! He still acknowledges you! He even says hello some days!
Or does he? When was the last time he said you name? When was the last time you spoke to someone?
But you're talking to yourself now, doesn't that count?
No, talking to yourself doesn't count!
You wish you could talk to your friends.
Where are they? Are they alive? Were you alive?
What are you?
Oh yeah. You're Alhaitham's lover.
Oh yeah. Maybe you should have listened to you friends.
Maybe you should have listened to your friends while you still could.
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I wont lie, this was super fun to write. Hope you liked it!
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moon-woo · 1 year
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looking for a certain al-haitham angst series (found!)
i'll leave this up in case anyone wants to read it, please do check it out though! (thank you to the lovely @ghostlysyntaxed for finding this series)
⎻ could someone help me find a certain al-haitham angst series described below? it would be greatly appreciated, thanking you forever! <3 (will delete post after)
i sort of forget what happens in the first part of the series but here's a little background: y/n or reader is roommates with nilou, best friends with scaramouche, and has a crush on al-haitham.
i believe around the middle of the series, a few genshin characters including nilou and y/n all sat in a circle to play truth or dare. nilou was picked on to do a dare, and she called al-haitham to ask him out to which he accepts. y/n felt uneasy and excused herself, but the only person who notices this was scaramouche. he comforts her and that's basically where it ended off.
i don't really know what happens to y/n and al-haitham's relationship afterwards so i was hoping to reread the series again. i was not able to find it so i thought it would be best to ask if anyone had seen it before and would be kind to link it. again, thank you so much to whoever finds the series.
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versadies · 1 year
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would’ve could’ve should’ve (alhaitham x gn!reader)
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SALUTATIONS. would’ve could’ve should’ve
ADDRESSED. alhaitham (w/ gn!reader)
STAMPS. in which you break up with alhaitham and he sees you again one year later.
CONTENT. angst/no-comfort, ooc!alhaitham (?), break-up, grammar errors, it’s mentioned that alhaitham has past lovers (which are not canon)
POST-SCRIPT. expect more angst fics coming soon while waiting for evermore <33 !!
LINKS. masterlist \ taglist
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Alhaitham is a rational man.
It’s what helps him focus on important things that benefit him. It’s what helps him know what’s necessary or not. It’s what helps him seek truths and knowledge. It’s what helps him choose decisions without his emotions getting in the way. It’s what makes him not an emotional man.
That’s why it’s easy for him to oblige and agree when you ask for a break up. To him, relationships are just partnerships that bring beneficial things. He expected this relationship to end just like his other ones, so he wasn’t too surprised with your request.
Alhaitham could only watch you pack your things and leave the place as he bids you goodbye and wishes you well. That’s the last time he ever saw you.
He thought you’re like everyone else who got to be in a relationship with him — and for your information, he makes sure to treat them all well — you enjoy your time with him, and then break up with him.
However, unlike the relationships he had, his relationship with you is… different.
Unlike with his other relationships, his relationship with you was the longest one — to the point where you even moved in with him in his home and spent time together working in his office.
When you left, his home was a bit… emptier and quiet. He tells himself that it’s just because he got used to your presence around this place. It’s not like he misses the sounds of you humming to a song while working in his office.
It’s not like he misses seeing you in the kitchen looking through the refrigerator. It’s not like he misses seeing you in the living room reading a book, nor does he miss seeing you in the bedroom waiting for him, reading yet another novel that sparks your interest.
It’s not like he misses you dragging him outside to take him to restaurants or shops, nor does he miss you hugging him from behind and watching him work.
Besides that, his office feels strangely suffocating. He always finds himself glancing at a certain spot, only to find nothing there. He couldn’t stand staying in his office for too long, and he doesn’t know why.
He doesn’t miss anything from your relationship. Not at all.
Even when he always expects to hear the sounds of you rushing towards him for a hug when he comes home, even when he expects to see you in the bedroom, and even when he’s always reminded of you whenever he goes out, remembering the times when you took him out.
He doesn’t know why you’re different from his other exes, but he regretted it when he found out.
It took him exactly 1 year, 2 months and 1 day, when he finally saw you again after the break-up.
You look different, but in a good way. You look happier than before, and you seem pleasantly surprised to bump into him.
“Hello, Alhaitham.” You spoke to him softly with a smile. A smile which made his heart feel things.
“Hello as well, ( Name ).” He replied, his shoulders relaxing. “How are you?”
You look a bit surprised from his question, only for your eyes to soften. “I’ve been doing well. How about you? How are things going for you as the Acting Grand Sage?”
“I’ve been doing well, but it’s quite a hassle to be in such a position.” He says with a huff.
He hears you laughing lightly from his comment, which causes his lips to twitch a little from the sound. “I see you’re still you as always.. I’m glad.” You said.
Alhaitham couldn’t help but feel as if he wanted to say more things to you. He wants to tell you how his home feels emptier since you left, how things aren’t the same as it used to be before he met you, and how much he misses y—
He stops himself before he could admit it.
“I have to go now. It was nice seeing you, Alhaitham.” You said with a smile. “Take care of yourself, alright?”
“...Take care, ( Name ). It was nice seeing you as well.”
And with that, he watches you walk away. Conflict runs through his thoughts, unsure whether or not he should stop you and admit it.
.
.
.
“…( Name ), wait.”
You immediately stop your tracks and look back at Alhaitham in confusion. “Yes?”
Alhaitham hesitates for a moment, still unsure what to say. I love you. I miss you. I was a fool for letting you go.
With so many things he wanted to say to you, he couldn’t bring himself to say it.
“…I’m sorry for what I did last year.” was all he could say. He realized it’s better to let you go, so that you could be with someone else who could make you happier than he can.
You’re surprised by his words, thinking of what to say next.
“..It’s all in the past. There’s nothing for you to apologize for since you didn’t do anything wrong.” You said with an assuring smile. “I.. I’m sorry too. I hope you find someone who makes you happy.”
You then turn around. “See you next time, Alhaitham.”
And then you’re gone.
Alhaitham kept his mouth shut. Although his face remains as stoic as it can be, his feelings weren’t. 
Because all in all, he did find someone who makes him happy.
It’s you. 
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PENPALS. @scaraslover @saving-for-xiao @dawgimsohot @ragnvdnr @chiruru @aqualesha @renamichii @mrkamisato @shenhesl0ver @serami00 @serenareiss @hiqhkey @emperatris-rinaka @bystander36 @irisxiel @ladycoleigh @034ven @dear-dairiess @owozi8 @hadesaedes @chiro-chiro-kun @hersscherofyatta @mariusvonhangme @yuzuricebun @nejibot @hoshikistarlette @solaaresque @crowbird @lordbugs @flowersforayato @headintheclouddd @estelwrld @giyusimpsassemble @irethepotatosblog @moonlightaangel @alice0blog @shotosbrainrot @sniffoat @chihawari @mxsomn @kuni-kuzushii @jiminscarmex @mitsukii14 @ylimeprive @sachispet @loreleis-world @sn-owo @starforecasts @someonetookmynamelmao @ceylestia @astrequa @ymikkos @reallysporadicarcade @melodyyamino @dudufodd @somberrock @yevenly @lemontum @nghing @shaiah @miss-lady-witch
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hotpinkstars · 3 months
Note
AHHH LOVED THE AL HAITHAM FIC SMM but if you dont mind what was going through al haithams head when he realized she left??
-> the house will never be the same again pt. 2
synopsis -> after being incredibly disrespected by your husband, alhaitham, you moved to liyue. what is going through his mind when you leave?
a/n -> AHHH i'm so happy you liked it!!! and i don't mind making a pt. 2 at all sorry this has been sitting here for a while but i hope you enjoy! here is part 1.
warnings -> all hurt no comfort, reader never turns up lol
w/c -> 1.2k
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it’s been about a week now, and you’re already settled into liyue. you’ve caught the eye of a bunch of passersby in the city- a sumeru vision wielder living in liyue harbor? 
thankfully, you had the traveler and a kind woman from the qixing named ganyu able to assist you with questions about the city. the first day you got there, she noticed your vision, and asked you all about it. it soon led to the two of you hitting off the start of a friendship in a nice restaurant- with ganyu telling you all of the things to do in liyue, the jobs that can be taken, and how magical the lantern rite especially is. you mentioned to her that you had a passion for the arts, and she immediately helped you look for a side job to make a little bit of mora to pay rent in your nice abode in the middle of the harbor.
“so, were your travels from sumeru alright? i’ve heard trudging through desert is not a very enjoyable experience..” ganyu questioned, a slight grin to be found on her face. “though, i have heard that the city down there is very nice. i would love to visit for myself one day, but with work and adeptal business it makes my days a little tight.”
you nod before replying. “the city is beautiful, especially at night. theres a gorgeous stage down there too, where a young woman named nilou always performs on special events. it’s always been the most majestic part of the city, or at least in my opinion.” 
ganyu lets out a noise of fascination, before giggling a little. “i would love to watch her dance. nilou is a familiar name, some people here strictly go to sumeru just to see her. i bet she’s as wonderful as everyone makes her out to be.” ganyu sighs. “i wonder if she travels? we have nice performing places here, too.”
you nod. “occasionally. it mostly has to be a big event for her to arrive, though.” you take another bite of your food. “but i bet if i asked her, she’d come out for at least a few days.”
that made ganyu smile once more, before she asked another question. “well, this may be an odd question, but do you have any romantic relationships?” 
“well, that's the reason i decided to move here,” now it is your turn to sigh, making ganyu have a confused look dancing across her face. “my partner and i got into an argument. he wouldn’t stop overworking himself, and i simply just wanted him to come to bed. but he’s so stubborn, and he took his work stress out on me. there was… certainly a lot of name calling.”
ganyus look of confusion immediately switches to an apologetic one. “ah, you made the right choice. that’s no way to treat your spouse.” 
you nod in agreement, before finishing your dish and pushing it slightly out in front of you. 
“well, i’m going to head back to my apartment now. this was very nice, we should do it again sometime!” you smile before standing and putting some money on the table. “here, this should be half. have a good night, ganyu!”
“goodnight to you too, y/n! i’ll see you soon.” 
now, back on alhaithams end..
he hasn’t been home in about a week and a half, due to his work causing his presence nearly 24/7. that pretty much means he hasn’t realized you’ve left yet. 
as he walks home, he doesn’t know how he would approach you. does he pretend the issue doesn’t exist? does he keep ignoring you? does he apologize? he thought his mind would split open.
as he walks through the door, he notices that the house is a little… emptier, from when the two of you lived together. he walked through the whole place, looking into the bathrooms to see your products gone. looking at the laundry room, met with no clothes that are yours hanging from the clothesline. and now, when he went to your bedroom…
your pillowcases have been stripped from the bed, and your pillow thrown into the closet. there were only a stack of two pillows, right in the middle of the bed. now his heart was thumping, and really hard. he looked through the dressers. the left side was barren, leaving only his side full. the thing that brought tears to the mans eyes was seeing your wedding ring on your side of the table. 
so you really left him. he stands there, shocked, unknowing of what to do. does he try to find you, or does he let you go? oh, how he regrets ever talking to you the way he did. if he just took your advice, you would be in bed, waiting for his arrival. likely bringing him into a hug, shaking all his worries and stress away as you whispered questions along about how his day was. 
the next few days felt like someone kept coming over to his desk and stabbing his back with blades like his. he felt so regretful, doing everything he can to stay composed while at the same time trying to find where you’ve gone. dehya won’t give him anything besides “somewhere close to sumeru that’s not sumeru.” that could mean you’ve gone to fontaine, liyue, or monstadt. how would he ever find you?
he’d ask the gaurds, and they all told him you went in the direction of the chasm. getting somewhere, but not close enough. he could walk all that way and come up empty handed. he doesn’t have an exact pinpoint on you yet. 
he’d ask nilou. she’d just shrug and say something along the lines of “i heard what happened, but i do not know fully where they went.” 
he walked the paths of the city, lost deep in thought. everyone thought it was a little out of character for someone such as him to look and feel as lost as he is. as much as people wondered what happened, they kept their mouths shut.
and for the people who noticed your absence, too, they’d ask different people who would likely have knowledge. but alhaitham didn’t know where to go now. he could walk the whole chasm and still not have you turn up. he could check every apartment complex in liyue harbor, and knock on every door on the outskirts. he could sail the seas to inazuma, and walk every separate island to see who may be housing you, or what commission you may have been taken in by. he could fall down the very waterfall that leads an entrance to the enchanting location called enkanomiya. he could go to fontaine, dive under the waters, walk every rocky mountain, and even visit the fortress of meropide. he could fight every monster near the city of monstadt, looking upon every rooftop for signs of your art, blown through the city of wind. but he still wouldn’t find you.
now what he doesn’t know is that you’re in liyue harbor, and nobody frets to tell him that anytime soon. for now, they’re just going to let him suffer, the same way he let you.
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nativeofsumeru · 1 year
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Alhaitham fic genre poll
I will try to deliver on the request. I DO NOT WRITE SMUT FOR THE PUBLIC(that's for my own enjoyment c'mon) but I'm willing to write risqué and suggestive things.
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chastiefoul · 28 days
Text
—finally giving up on your unrequited love ft. alhaitham
a/n: ouch i hurt myself writing this. wc: 1.6k words of yapping about unrequited feelings
once upon a time you were grateful for alhaitham’s indifference, the lack of anything he was being when you’re badgering him with chatters, a detailed description of your day, concerns over him, and the occasional gifts.
it seemed like a blessing once, like acceptance. the slightest open of the door, thinking you could invite yourself in and he’d embrace that fact. but as his apathy remain constant and unchanging, you’ve come to realization—an embarassing one at that.
that indifference, that should’ve been a sign for you; alhaitham will never return your feelings.
-
 a stroll a day, keeps the stressful thoughts away.
however today’s walk is just not doing it for you, once you decided to wake up from the dreamland you thought you’ve been living in. a faraway and unrealistic vision of a life where you end up together with the akademiya scribe. an exaggerated sigh escaped you at your own daydreaming. usually by now you’d be quick on your feet to visit the scribe, however the overdue revelation you had last night made you finally think twice before doing it. and only because of that now you’d realized just how much of your life was centered on the grey-haired man, which was a scary discovery, knowing just exactly how little you mattered to his.
you found an empty bench mid-walk, immediately sitting on it. you leaned back, both of your hands holding your weight as you look above. the sky was clear that day, but your mind was clearer, as if a thick fog has finally been lifted.
seriously, what have you been doing all this time? giving your all to someone who wanted none of you. alhaitham’s curt nod, his brief and short responses really should’ve been a clue as to how he felt about you. yet you kept being stubborn, and sometimes hope was human’s greatest enemy. what should have been a bare minimum gesture he did, your mind managed to twist it into something more; clinging to it like a water on a desert. when it turned out that was exactly all there was to it—a mirage.
you chuckled sadly. even remembering those pathetic displays, you couldn’t bring yourself to fully regret having this feeling towards alhaitham. those moments where you’d steal a glance at him and felt like the world was okay. you would not allow yourself to forget that as you became more selfish, wanting him to look at you and feel the same. but here you were, reluctantly learning to accept the fact that he may never does.
suddenly a shadow loomed over you, shielding you from the sunlight you didn’t realize was so bright.
a familiar blond invaded your vision. “(y/n)?” he called out unsure, not expecting you to be there. “oh hi there, kaveh,” you lightly said, as if your heavy train of thoughts hadn’t existed at all. you adjusted your sitting position, shifting yourself to the side as you spare an empty spot beside you for him to sit. kaveh swiftly took your silent offer up, making himself as comfortable as he could on the wooden bench. “i spotted you from afar and you seemed a little troubled, hopefully i was wrong?” the ever so kind kaveh spoke up, and you couldn’t help but smile. kaveh always felt like a friend more than alhaitham ever was, albeit knowing him after you got to know the scribe. you weren’t even sure if the grey-haired man would ever mention even a word about his roommate if it wasn’t for you hanging wround on his office on a peaceful lunch break when the fuming blond barged in and yell at him about a key.
as it turned out, it’s a known fact that most people became quiet irritable when it comes to being in contact with the curt and aloof scribe, since kaveh has been nothing but a good friend since the day he gave you a weird look about wanting to get close to the acting grand master.
“it’s kind of complicated to say,” you started, thinking of the words as you went on. “let’s just say i’m having a quite bittersweet moment.”
you rested your gaze on the bustling street in front of you. he nodded in reply, “i’m guessing it’s more bitter than it is sweet?” he asked genuinely as you smiled once more despite not feeling a drop of mirth. “i suppose so,” you replied curtly, not knowing what to say to his keen observation. keen and exactly correct.
it’s the kind of bitterness that lingered. a kind of flavor you’d expected, since you’re the one who put it in. still, when that sharp taste hit your tongue you couldn’t help but flinch. after all, things don’t stop affecting you even though you saw it coming from miles away. you just hoped the sweetness will get stronger overtime, overpowering as it wash down the unpleasant aftertaste.
kaveh mirrored your smile in return except his looked particularly patronizing, as if he could sense your helplessness.
“will you tell me what happened?” his voice sounded gentle, a care you’ve never heard from the man you’d give a limb to for him to say things along that line. how do you even begin to answer such a simple question? nothing happened, and that’s why it was the problem. the fact that you’re the only one who’s mulling all over this, being so conflicted to what he thought must be nothing. a pain so overwhelming that’s swirling all over your chest while his biggest inconvenient that day was probably a typo made in a document made by a lousy student.
the whole thing just sounded so... pathetic.
“nothing happened... it’s just, i have decided to finally give up on something,” you try your best to sound nonchalant despite having no bravery to look at him, scared that he didn’t look like he believed you.
“well, i might know a thing or two about it. sometimes when an architecture project is too... unreasonable,” kaveh paused, the word tasted like a sour lime on his mouth. “there’s no way but to give it up. especially if you take a step back as take the whole picture from many aspects; in my case, there are budget, location, materials, and so on. there would definitely be some regret about letting go especially an ambitious task, however i think many of my past-self would really like to give the present-me a big gratitude for not forcing it through,” he rambled on, despite having no idea what were you referring on. “even sometimes, the reward was just not worth the risk, you know?” he ended it at that, throwing the question at you.
you swallowed on nothing, but you needed that to let out a reply.
“yes, i do know.”
“yeah? does this mean in your case, whatever you were fighting for was not worth it in the end?”
oh, that’s the worst part. you knew, you knew it with your heart, body and soul that it would be so worth it if there’s an outcome, a scenario where alhaitham might return your feelings. oh it would be so worth it. you could smile, just imagining how worth it would it be.
but that was all it was. an unattainable imagination. an ending that you couldn’t allow yourself to be so cocky to reach.
kaveh waited for your respond patiently, but when the silence had gone for too long he moved his stare to you. he widened his eyes, his gaze softened.
“i don’t think you’re as okay as you made yourself to be,” he said softly, as you felt your cheeks wet by the uninvited tears, running along freely across your face. yet, you couldn’t make an effort to stop them, your heart knew more than anyone you needed that. to feel the sadness, to recognize it.
to let go of the fact that alhaitham will never return your feelings.
kaveh was just quiet as you sobbed quietly, putting a handkerchief silently at the space between you both. there is no empty consolation, no comforting words, no small pats on the back. there’s just silence, a little safe bubble for you to cry in without people coming over to you and asked why.
giving up is such a funny thing, how could doing it hurt more than to keep trying even though you received no sign of reciprocity at all? but you knew the answer of that.
when there hasn’t been a rejection, it’s in everyone’s nature to have hope. a hope that there’s a chance of obtaining something you’ve wished for. a chance that something could happen.
giving up means finality. a state of accepting an outcome you hadn’t wanted. a result you never asked for. an ending where all that’s left was what should have and what could have. a harsh reality people could only accept as it dangled the possibilities and visions of what ‘could have happened’ if you’d just kept trying right in front of your eyes.
like chasing your own shadow; a fun thing to do when you’re a child, but now it’s just a fitting metaphor, reminding you of a fool’s way who love in such a pathetic way.
-
once upon a time you were grateful for alhaitham’s indifference, the lack of anything he was being when you’re badgering him with chatters, a detailed description of your day, concerns over him, and the occasional gifts.
but now it’s definitely a curse. after all, anything that has to do with love was not indifference.
it was never, indifference.
---
the urge to write this in alhaitham pov........................ should i?
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giamee · 11 days
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CHAPTER XI! i know what you did
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you weren't sure when you woke up, or when you even fell asleep for that matter, but the rustling of your sheets and something moving against you is what ultimately roused you.
you opened your eyes to see a messy-haired cyno sitting up slowly in the still-dark room, trying his best not to disturb you but ultimately failing at that. you were now lying on the mattress rather than him, and he shot you a soft smile when he noticed your open eyes looking up at him.
"i'm gonna go back to my bed, 'kay?" he whispered it softly, a secret to keep only between the two of you. you nodded sleepily, raising a hand to smooth over his bedhead before you realised what you were doing. cyno tensed before relaxing into your touch, his features soft as he let you keep fixing his hair until you finally put your arm back at your side, satisfied with your work.
"it'll get messy again, you know." you did know. you couldn't count the amount of times you'd awoken to witness the absolute bird's nest of cyno's hair in the morning. he always had moved around in his sleep, after all.
you shrugged.
"i'll fix it again." it's a sweet moment, the way he's looking down at you so adoringly, almost enough to trick you into feeling like everything was as fine as they were months before the two of you broke up. almost.
he paused for a second before getting up, hovering over you and dropping the softest of kisses to your temple, before leaving the warm indent in the mattress and the rumpled sheets as any sign that he had been there at all. for all you know, the kiss could have been a dream as well.
your eyelids felt heavy again. you'll think about it tomorrow.
the rest of you sleep was significantly less restful, and when you did wake up there were messages to greet you.
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✦ ⠂⠂୨୧ trivia :: you almost exposed yourself when layla initially sent that text message as you didn't know if she was referring to cyno or alhaitham
✦ ⠂⠂୨୧ gia's notes :: erm not so fun fact i ran into the ex this series was inspired off of the other day and i am PROUD to report that i felt absolutely nothing except a little bit of awkwardness cos he was w his new girlfriend 🥳 the chains have been lifted i am freee
✦ ⠂⠂୨୧ taglist :: @makimakimi @aeongiies @sukunasrealgf @ssoliva @sakiimeo @eggn0gcookie @yxcade @fiona782 @heartswonder @eunchaeluvr @clumsyphuq @pinksodacan @aelxr @themusingsofmany @obervation-subject-753 @kittycasie @aimno256 @maxineshearts @mafuyuslover @meigalaxy @mintydump @v4lerixxq @artwitchh @geo-hew-hew @imkaaayy @c4tsfr0mh3ll @kokoscutie @erzarq @eu-la @ddiluc @ichikaisflowers @rahhhmen @esmetrees @rain-and-a-nice-nap @g8mmaaa
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