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#also i am so fkn hungry help
dizzybizz · 6 months
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we have these baubles with a bunch of our family's names written with these glitter glue pens or whatever they are
and this time around my mom changed mine to my new name
and i kinda wanna cry about it
cause i walked down the stairs to the living room and i saw them all resting on towels and drying
i sat down on the couch to just look them over
i was searching for my bauble but i tried to act like i wasn't, don't think i was actually too subtle about it but i pretended
there were baubles with the names of our pets, half siblings, nephews and i found mine
and my mom had changed it
i had a hunch she might've, it's just like her to do something like that
but idk i guess it just kinda really drove home the point that i am accepted and this is all real? it's not some elaborate daydream or something i came up with after fantasizing about coming out and all
im just feeling some trans joy
sorry it's 4am i can't sleep but i am thinking and feeling and my family accepts me and im just overwhelmed with it all and ahshdjfjfjshhdnffmmgvm..... y'know
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carlossainzwho · 8 months
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dear angel lacy, eyes white as daisies
dad!carlos sainz x mom!reader
no one is giving me the girl dad content i want of carlos so i thought i should do some myself. enjoy!
lacy woke in the morning as a four-year-old girl. she ran to her parents bedroom, only to find it empty, bed neatly done and no mummy and daddy. confused, she ran down the stairs, her little legs carrying her little body and burst into the living room.
she couldn't believe her eyes - purple and pink balloons hung from the ceiling, birthday banners were spread across the walls and a small pile of presents lay on the side of the room.
she bounced to the kitchen and there stood her parents - daddy was making fresh chocolatey special pancakes and mummy was putting up a massive banner that read HAPPY BIRTHDAY LACY!
'mummy! daddy! i'm a big girl now!' lacy squealed delightedly
'aw, my baby is such a grown-up! happy birthday mi amor' y/n turned around and planted a giant kiss on her little girl's forehead.
she turned to her daddy and jumped up and down. 'yayy, daddy making pancakes! i love you daddy!'
'and what about me?' y/n retorted
'of course i love you mummy!'
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y/n~instagram
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to my dearest little angel lacy, my daisy-eyed princess, happy 4th birthday! mummy and daddy love you 💖
liked by carlossainz55, landonorris and 481,455 more
carlossainz55: i remember when she was a tiny little baby 🥰
liked by yn~instagram
landonorris: happy birthday to lacy! love, your favourite uncle - you look better in papaya! 😌
oscarpiastri: happy birthday lacy, from your REAL favourite uncle! although i also agree, she definitely looks better in mclaren gear!
carlossainz55: no she doesn't pastry oscarpiastri: you bet she does, sainz yn~instagram: stop fighting you two! 🙄 oscarpiastri: yes m'am 🫡
user 1: not oscar and carlos fighting lmao
user 2: she's so fkn cute!
user 3: such a beautiful little girl!! happy bday lacy!!!!!!!
charlesleclerc: i still think i should let her wear some of my merch... the number 16 looks better on her
yn~instagram: no she doesn't, shut up frenchie
liked by pierre gasly
charlesleclerc: how dare pierre like the comment! pierregasly: the woman's go a point, charles yn~instagram: let's not forget that you are french too, pierre 🫣
liked by charlesleclerc and carlossainz55
pierregasly: ugh 🙄
carlossainz55
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can you guess who the birthday girl is?
tagged: yn~instagram
liked by p1_coach, danielricciardo and 451,830 more
yn~instagram: the birthday girl is lacy!
landonorris: save some cake for me please? 👉👈
oscarpiastri: me too danielricciardo: me three p1_coach: me four! some for harlow would do too! yn~instagram: why are all of you so damn hungry 😭 carlossainz55: sorry guys i ate all of it landonorris: goddamit carlos!!
user 4: im on my knees its MY dream bday party
user 5: such a pretty girl awwwww
user 6: oh to be carlos sainz's daughter
liked by carlossainz55
user 6: HOLY SHIT HE LIKED THE COMMENT
user 7: gasp user 6: GASP INDEED
yn~instagram
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got the birthday girl lacy some ice-cream!
tagged: landonorris, oscarpiastri, carlossainz55, lilyzneimer
liked by oscarpiastri, lilyzneimer and 355,102 more
landonorris: lacy didn't let me have some of her ice cream 😪
oscarpiastri: well she did for me, so I'M the favourite papaya uncle landonorris: no, i am! yn~instagram: for the last time, STOP. FIGHTING. oscarpiastri: yes m'am 🫡
user 8: not oscar and LANDO fighting now lmao
user 9: god i love them all
lilyzneimer: the birthday girl definitely looks happy with that ice cream! although, i do recommend strawberry flavour for next time!
liked by yn~instagram and carlossainz55
user 10: who knew f1 drivers could be such dweebs?
yn~instagram: the only dweeb on this planet is charles damn leclerc charlesleclerc: hey!
user 11: oh to be a fly on the wall in an ice-cream parlour... *sighs*
liked by carlossainz55
thanks for reading! liking and reblogging will help so much! you are always loved <3
of course, more olivia rodrigo has been used because she is STUNNING!
dividers by @firefly-graphics - thanks so much! your dividers are amazing!
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darlenicy · 3 months
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Winx Club Trix Aesthetic inspired by my rewrite: It could've been us
Icy ~ Witch of eternal Ice
Darcy ~ Witch of Darkness
Stormy ~ Witch of Storms
Lilith ~ Witch of Earth (oc)
I tried to put their hobbies and features in it. Gonna explain for those who are interested :)
Icy: Yes, she is doing horseriding in my rewrite. It was her way to calm down and forget about the unfairness in her life. The horse's name is Imbolc. As mentioned in my rewrite, Icy's family had fallen from grace and became impoverished so it wasn't actually Icy's own horse. In fact, after most of the land of the Whisperia's was taken, they had to sell all their other properties too including the horses. However the new owners allowed Icy to still care for and ride it. She always lived in the fear, that they would eventually sell Imbolc. Then there is her passion for playing the piano. Unfortunately she isn’t able to take piano lessons anymore but whenever she has to calm down, she will go and play the piano no matter what time it is. Sometimes there will fly the sound of a piano melody through the deserted corridors of Cloud Tower at midnight.
Darcy: She has a thing going on with divination. Actually, she suffers from visions from time to time. Some of them come true, others not. It's always shown to her what could happen. She can't control the visions and was especially as a child afraid of them. So she decided to learn about them and make visions and, connected with that, divination her own specialty. This is also how she got into mind-reading and mind-control. She searched for a way to control her powers and the visions. It's not possible to really control the visions though but the way she embraced the powers helped her to manage to control the rest of her powers and use them as a weapon.
Lilith: Now Lilith is a secret actually, but I am willing to share a bit about her. She comes from a royal line in exile and Lilith stills sees herself as royalty and having the right to do what she yearns for: the dragon flame. Her powers are earth based because of her origin and connection to her (former) country (or planet in this case). Just like Stormy she likes testing her limits by going all out. Everything she does is extreme, everything she feels is extreme. There is nothing more she hates than to stand still and accept the status quo. She will only accept what she thinks is right. However, she shoulders a heavy burden and tries to numb it with drugs, sex and alcohol at some points. As said above, she goes all out to reach her goals and will always to whatever she likes to fulfill her own pleasure. And she’s hungry for it. Pleasure and power are the things she’s living for.
Stormy: She’s a rulebreaker. Given being the youngest sibling, she was always cherished and never really learned limits. She has problems in controlling herself and wants to taste every bit of life as best as possible. She too was an outsider in school as a kid but not because of the same reasons as Darcy and Icy (Darcy being the mysterious weird girl with the intense stare and Icy being cold and cruel so that everyone feared her). Stormy was the one who beat the other children up. Sometimes for fun and because she could, sometimes because the others dared to talk dirty about her family. She got called out by teachers a lot but she didn’t care. As said above, she doesn’t know any other limits than herself. So she does what she likes whenever she likes. She's smoking because she likes to, because it shows her rebellious side. She also has several tattoos, simply because she fkn can. She won’t surrender and behave, nor bow to anyone. That might become a problem though and a lesson she will learn at some point.
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stress! Dad, you'er stressing me out!
neglet! neglet!! neglet!!!
Dad, I want help with school, I need food, clothes and hugs, I want you to put your kid first. I want you to come pick me up and drive me to the doctor or hospital, if or when I break my hand, leg or arm. instead of "im at work"
but all you do is yell at me dad, tell me to be more at home. but if i am i can't work, and if i don't work i can't pay for the shit you don't.
you don't raise me because you want to, or because you love me. ofc i know you do, deep down, but it's cuz im your daughter, you don't love anything about me. you raise me because you have to, and bc if you don't you wasted a lot of money on me.
"you don't have any clothes that fit?... work then, like your dad"
"be more at home!"
"sleep more"
"put your phone away"
"Oh, you have 5 minutes to relax? don't waste them, clean for once!"
"god you're just like your mom"
Dad, I work 3 times a week, from 5-11, then I need to take public transport to get home, which takes me until 0:30. At that point, I'm disgusting because I've been cleaning for 6 hours in a messy kitchen. So I shower. I have school tomorrow and i don't wanna stink like litteral food leftover trash.
also my teacher is complaining to me, CONSTANTLY bc you don't check your mails from the school. last year, at the other school they just went to me. They understood they weren't gonna get a word from you.
i can't ask for help, bc i feel like a "have to" not a " want to" i don't wanna bother anyone with my problems bc you always just told me "work on yourself" or "do something about it then"
I always help others, for whatever reason. bc helping is a big deal for me, if people need me im there. no matter if you're a bitch or not (to a certain level tho) and no i don't need anything back, i do this bc, I WANT TO HELP. if i feel horrible about something, but it will hurt another person. I just decides to feel horrible.
i wanna move out "but i'm not mentally ready" honestly i just wanna get out. i walk around all day, hungry bc there's barely any food that i'm allowed to eat. and when i get home my hunger disappears, so when i finally for once get food, i'm not interested in eating. Then you force me to eat, which is good at some points, but mostly it just makes my eyes to cause a fkn tsunami. When I'm alone tho, I'm not allowed to cry.
I get my morning coffee, water at school. If I'm lucky I have a bit extra money for some food in the school breaks, but that's it.
I just hate my home.
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ayatosmlktea · 4 years
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best boyfriend series | kirishima
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A/N: So there is a list me and the gal pals have compiled of who we think are the best boyfriends in the entire world. I haven’t been in a thirsting mood for so long probably bc im mad ✨depressed✨ so the only thing on my mind is soft boys and how amazing they are. This is the most writing I've done in months but I wrote this for Bri’s birthday a while back and am now sharing them with you bc we could all use some wholesome kiripima 
I wrote these as the thoughts came to my mind so...its not really organized ANYWAY enjoy!
- Your sense of humour and easy going personality is what draws him in even if he doesn’t realize it to be love in the beginning
- Even when he’s training with bakugou his eyes are always searching you out, the way you handle your quirk takes his breath away he just thinks you look so badass in combat
- Every time you ask if he wants to study together his heart starts racing so fast it feels like it’s going to burst out of  his chest and he has to fight back the blush that burns the back of his neck and ears whenever you giggle
- As you and Mina become closer, you start hanging out more with the bakusquad.
- Kiri finds himself getting increasingly distracted by you, he notices every little thing like the way your eyes shine whenever you smile, the way cover your mouth when you laugh which bothers him because the entire world deserves to see how beautifully radiant you look when you’re happy
- He notices the way your body language changes when you’re tired, how your attitude gets a little grumpier when you’re hungry and through learning all of that Kiri steps in to make you whole
- When you’re tired he passes you his notes to copy after class just giving you a knowing smile and ignoring the way his heart flutters when you stare at him like he’s your knight in shining armour
- He doesn’t like the way that Denki and sero playfully flirt with you, it makes him feel weird although he knows he has no right to be jealous so he ignores it
- During your second year you start dating Shinsou and Kiri can feel his world come to a halt, his heart plummets into this stomach but he puts on a fake smile and tells you that he’s happy for you and he hopes Shinsou treats you right
- You don’t seem to notice the way the light in his eyes is gone, how much more time he puts into training now that you’re busy with your new relationship and as bitter and mad as he wants to be he knows you deserve to be happy, even if it isn’t with him so he pushes his feelings down and acts like he isn’t being punched in the gut every time you kiss shinsou and not him
- Your last night in the dorms before summer vacation Kirishima finds himself being woken up by a quick series of knocks on his door
“Denki I told you already pennywise is not under your be-” he stops mid sentence when he finds you outside of his door, sniffling with red rimmed eyes
- He’s barely awake and processing what’s happening as he opens his door wider so you can come inside before one of the teachers catches you out of bed and on the boys side of the dorms
- He can hear that you’ve been crying and are still trying not to when you apologize for waking him up so late but you didn’t know who else to go to and suddenly his entire body is burning with anger when you tell him that Shinsou broke up with you
- He can’t help but let out a broken laugh, Shinsou never deserved your heart in the first place. If he couldn’t see how dedicated you were to the people you loved, how you cared for your friends and put their needs above yours, how incredibly talented and hardworking and beautiful you were then he was the dumbest man alive
- You’re suddenly quiet and Kiri realizes that he’s said all of that outloud and the overwhelming urge to disappear consumes him. He was sure that you were going to get up and walk out and never speak to him again but you don’t
- Instead you ask if he means what he said so quietly he can barely hear it and despite how hot his cheeks are burning with embarrassment he tells you he does
- He stops you when you lean in to kiss him and his heart hurts when he can see the rejection and embarrassment paint your features but he tells you that it’s not because he doesn’t want to kiss you, because of course he wants to, but he doesn’t want to take advantage of your feelings when you’re going through an emotional time
- You two spend the summer hanging out- just as friends, he wants to give you time to get over Shinsou because the last thing he wants is to be your rebound
- But with every day that goes by he finds it harder not to kiss you, not to hold your hand, not to text you every second of the day, not to tell you that he loves you
- The realization that he loves you doesn’t scare him, but it is the first time he admits to himself and accepts it rather than trying to bury it and so after he walks you home and you turn to go into inside he grabs your wrist and pulls you in for a kiss
- It’s not the most coordinated kiss but it sets every nerve in his body on fire and you’re both clinging onto each other like it’s your only lifeline. You break apart with the biggest smiles on your face and in that moment Kiri knows he’s going to spend the rest of his life with you
‧͙⁺˚*·༓☾  ☽༓·*˚⁺‧͙
- Well i wasn’t planning to write all that so now let’s get into WHY he’s the best bf
He’s 100% devoted to you, literally you could be in a room full of fkn models and his eyes would be focused on you because he thinks you’re the most beautiful woman to walk the earth
Any other relationship you’ve had in the past does not even come close in comparison to how Kiri treats you
- He would give up his life to make sure you’re happy, seeing you upset breaks his heart because he cannot stand the sight of you crying. It literally tears a whole in his chest
- If it’s within his power to deal with, he will make sure that whoever hurts you does not make the same mistake again. Maybe its a little unethical to use his pro-hero status to strike fear into the heart of creeps who won’t leave you alone at work, or the girls who enjoy gossiping about your relationship behind your back but he does not give a single fuck
- Your happiness comes before his and if you aren’t happy, he’s not happy.
- If he hears people talking about your relationship and making it seem as though you’re only with him for the fame or money he’ll tear them down with the brightest smile on his face not missing a beat
- While he acts all big and scary fighting villains, when he comes home to you at the end of the day he is the most cuddly person you’ve ever known. It doesn’t matter how exhausted he is, he always grabs you in for a hug and doesn’t let you down until he’s satisfied.
- Kiri is really big on skin to skin contact, expect him to constantly be slipping his hands under your shirt and wrapping his arms around you at the most random times
- When you guys are getting ready to sleep he’ll pull you snug against his chest and bury his face in the nape of your neck,
Your scent helps him fall asleep, not in a creepy way but in a ‘you’re safe and here with me so i can close my eyes knowing that everything is okay’ kind of way.
‧͙⁺˚*·༓☾  ☽༓·*˚⁺‧͙
- In my humble opinion, once kiri catches feelings for you they’ll never fade
- Even if you fight, it only reminds him of everything you two have built together and that you’re worth fighting for
- You hear a lot of your friends complain about how their boyfriends never listen to them, or how they don’t know what they like, you watch them shamelessly flirt with other guys and wonder what it must be like to be in such an unsatisfying relationship
- Kiri knows you better than you know yourself, he’s so in tune with you and your body that you don’t even need to ask him to do anything, he just knows
- He remembers little dates that most boyfriends dont, your first kiss, your first date, the first time he said “i love you” outloud
- He also is the first one to say it and it happens when you’re just hanging out in his room
- He’s known that he’s been in love with you for months but didnt want to say it too soon and have you freak out but after nearly six months in it’s driving him crazy not being able to tell you he loves you
- When he does your eyes glisten with tears and he freaks out thinking that he’s said too soon until you’re crushing him in a hug and tell him that you love him too
- When you’ve had a bad day at work or life is just becoming too stressful for you to deal with he puts everything else on hold to comfort you
- Makes you your favourite meal for dinner, gets your favourite show ready to watch after your shower and massages your feet while you snack on some ice cream for dessert
- Ever since you’d started dating Kiri had a habit of “accidentally” forgetting his hoodies at your place, spraying them with a bit of extra cologne while you were in another room
- He loved it when you wore his clothes, it filled him with a feeling he couldn’t quite describe but it solidified in his mind that you were his
- After almost four years of dating he knows that he can’t spend another second without you being his, forever
- He stays up all night looking at engagement rings but none of them are good enough for you so he does a little more research and finds a place that makes custom rings and has the date the first time he kissed you engraved on the inside of the ring
- He 100% cries the second he sees you walk down the aisle, if he thought you were beautiful before, there’s nothing else that compares to you on your wedding day
-  Everything else drowns out around him and the other thing that matters is you, sliding your rings onto each other fingers and sharing your tearful vows and then you’re pronounced husband and wife and his entire being is elated
- He kisses you with a passion and fervour you’ve never felt before, like he’s pouring his soul into the kiss , every promise he’s ever made and will make and all the things he can’t find the right words to say are transmitted
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bidaubadeadieu · 4 years
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Ten Favorite Fictional Characters
I was tagged by @skullhaver​ who chose some rlly choice people. We love so many of the same characters, for so many of the same reasons, but for the sake of fun, I’ll try to pick ones that don’t overlap theirs, or pick some characters off of the beaten path. I find this prompt a little tricky because I tend to fall in love more with worlds than characters. Sunless Skies and Dark Souls jump out to me as worlds that I really like but with no characters that I was really able to latch onto.
1. Rose Quartz, Steven Universe I love Rose Quartz’s selfishness. She spends the whole show kind of oblivious to the way she’s hurting people, although I think she is good of heart and intention. I think her deep empathy for other people manifests as this weird projection where by getting what she wants she genuinely thinks she’s helping others, and has no understanding that other people may not benefit from this. I like the way the narrative slowly reveals more about her, and it was a really exciting mystery to uncover, and to go, like Steven, from kind of revering her, to kind of resenting her, to kind of finding a middle path and acknowledging her complexity. Honorable mention goes to Stevonnie, also from Steven Universe, who is some great nonbinary rep.
2. Satine, Moulin Rouge! When I was in high school, I might have put Satine’s love interest, Christian, on this list, but thanks to gender discovery, I have been able to radically shift the way that I interpret romantic pursuit and seduction. I don’t think this was the intention of the writers, but I think there is ambiguity to be had in Satine’s character. Christian is charming, and the duke is rapey and awful, so I think the audience is supposed to feel that it’s obvious that she will fall for Christian, and of course her appeals to the Duke are only for show, but yet the only thing we know about Satine’s past is she has had a lifelong struggle for security, and I think the choice she is making is a real one. In my read of her character, Satine is like, actually so distant from her own emotional needs that she is not ready to fall in love, and I think she could find Christian’s in-touchness with his aesthetic ideals perturbing and alienating.
3. Karin, Naruto: Shippuden I have to love Karin because no one else will. She is not a good character; the writers make her fawn over Sasuke like 5 years after they should have realized that trope was dumb and juvenile, they gave her a shitty biting-linked power purely to titillate the audience as fanservice, and she gets treated like a punching bag. She’s like literally Naruto’s fucking cousin and they’ve never talked in canon. She represents every missed opportunity that show ever had, and is a perfect example of the way that misogyny hurts worldbuilding. In the New Era, she is kind and gentle with Sarada. Gay aunt vibes. Honorable mention goes to Orochimaru (Boruto only, when he’s in dad-mode) as questionable nonbinary rep, and honorable mentions go to to the rest of the Akatsuki for being absolute freaks, great villain writing, and finally honorable mention goes to Rock Lee for inspiring in me a certain kind of motivation and drive when I need it.
4. Iroh, Avatar: the Last Airbender Legit what is there not to love about this guy? His comic relief holds up after a decade, his wise and compassionate guidance helped foster one of the greatest redemption arcs of all time, and his physical prowess makes from some extremely well-choreographed fights. He really has the range.
5. Clare, The Nightingale (2019) This movie is far more violent than I usually enjoy, but there’s something about Clare’s descent into madness that was done really well. So many people talk these days about “feral women” but like, Clare, she’s feral, in the worst and ugliest ways. Her vengeance is completely justified, and its a rare story that while watching it I find myself thinking “yeah. i want her to commit murder. she deserves it :)” This is Rosemary’s Baby if Rosemary was a Tasmanian tiger.
6. April May, An Absolutely Remarkable Thing (2018) I bet you didn’t know this, but I like shitty, selfish women with hubris. I think they’re good characters. At least April, by virtue of being a protagonist, gets a serious growth arc the the second book, which none of the other characters above are afforded because their writers didn’t take them serious enough.
7. The Biologist, Annihilation (2014) Hey, I bet you didn’t know this, but I resonate with cold women making difficult decisions in survival situations. She is savvy and mostly self-aware, but still struggles with being out of her depth, and I resonate with the the way she is somewhat alienated from her past and her regrets.
8. Zaroff, The Most Dangerous Game (1924) It’s silly, and oversincere, and tropey, but I love the vintage horror of a lawful evil guy who hunts humans for sport. I like his weird period-appropriate racism. I like his faux-sophistication and worldliness. I find him oddly realistic. See also: my love for the Akatsuki, mentioned above.
9. Konata, Lucky Star I haven’t watched this show in over a decade, and I don’t want to, I am positive that it won’t hold up and it’ll be major cringe, but the fact of the matter is that Konata’s personality of gamer grrl, small-titty (because it’s fkn anime so that’s a personality I guess) innuendo-ridden persona despite deep naivete, it all left an indelible impact on my psyche. For better or for worse.
10. Viren, The Dragon Prince We love a power-hungry villain who is like, low-key a freak! We love somebody who sacrifices their humanity to get what they want! I love the way that Viren lies to his son, I love the way he and King Harrow were definitely gay for one another, I love the way that he takes advice from a magic caterpillar that lives in his hear. Honorable mention for Aunt Amaya, who is just wonderful, and we love the lady knight tropes she’s bringing
I will tag: @kit-kaboodle @theclockistickingwrite @fairy-creed @wymanthewalrus @soldier-author-batman @colcoction and you know, anybody else who wants in on the fun
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sothischickshe · 4 years
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4 + 16 + 8 ?????????????
4. Number of 'wips' that are just totally never getting written, let's face it?
All right, coming in vicious straight out the gate 😂
Well I suppose this depends on what constitutes a WIP, as at this moment I am working on exactly zero things, and have exactly zero words written of any of the in progress things (unless you count the series or stories im planning to update, but then I can't say they're 'totally never getting written', cos they exist in part already innit), and exactly zero notes bout any of them either, beyond the (terrible) lil list I 'helpfully' wrote of all the things I want to write.
So if I conclude that I have zero wips, then the answer must be ha ha zero n a big fuck u to the q.
However, particularly for the parts of the series/stories I plan to update but also some of the others, I think doing some thinking on them probs counts as in progress, maybe???
All right, so of the remaining 10 things on this list (just neatly ticked off item 1: genie au, thanks), I'm hopeful abt getting to most of them TBH! The ones I'm least sure abt are i. The abortion one ii. 'car' (?) and iiii. Beth and rio as horrible pretentious anglophiles (this one's just a bad idea).
So like... 3ish? But idk, a couple of them I've wanted to write for ages eg the band au, but I don't think that means I won't? I just haven't quite worked it all out, and there's other stuff I've wanted to write first. But on the opposite hand the list keeps growing so some stuff, particularly the three I mentioned, will probably keep getting bumped down the list... But then the longer they hang around the more attached to them I may get/the better the ideas might bake into something usable (or even combine!)
So in conclusion, a number between 0 and 4 I reckon, though dependent on how you define a WIP.
16. Favourite thing to fixate upon that is not your fic that you opened to work on?
Hahaha, well I try to set aside time to work on something, so that this doesn't happen, but also if I'm not enthusiastic about it, I don't think forcing myself is really gonna help. Also my computer is a pile of poop so I can barely have two things open which kind of helps??
But lately I have been finding it hard to focus on one thing at a time, so often I'll find my thoughts drifting to work stuff or like some completely nonsensical theory I've just made up or stuff I gotta do or, so there is much to fixate on!
And also the problem i have when editing is that reading my own writing kind of relaxes my brain cos I know what's gonna happen (duh) and then I'll suddenly drift into a new story idea and just be staring into space and just like oh no oh dear not now brain shhhh
And the OTHER problem I have when editing is im like w8 is that a word? Am I using it right? CAN you verb it? Wait is this essentially french, do Americans even use it?? Oh, is there a better word for this actually??? What IS that fucking thing called???? And then I go look it up and then I end up falling into a Wikipedia hole where I just end up yelling abt how much I fucking hate the English language
8. What is AU you doing right now? Do you hate them?
Well generic AU me is probably not hiding from a wasp. She probably also doesn't live above essentially stagnant water, with the windows wide open, isn't getting surprised the same way I do somehow every year by the summer insect sitch, despite having had really only short breaks from living near stagnant water throughout my life. Bet she didn't somehow inexplicably forget to eat breakfast, and then get extremely confused at being hungry n lethargic all morning and just shrug. If she was also gifted a tbf boss ass special pet hair Dyson, she's strong enough to screw open the (fkn terrible) plastic bolts on the bottom of the thing, and can divest it of the insane quantity of her own hair the bristles catch from it properly, rather than lying it down and having to do that from the outside like a lunatic.
On the other hand, whenever she tidies, maybe she doesn't find random baggies of remnants!???
And yes I hate that bitch!!! She should come help this grimy one 😭
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cykoz · 5 years
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so i’m not doing well i really can’t be alone i really need my boyfriend i need him to come back but i don’t want him to leave his treatment and then everything he’s fighting for will be for nothing. he’s fighting so hard so that we’ll have a good life, a future and a good one. meanwhile i’m stuck here, fighting to stay alive without him being right by my side. i never wanted to feel this way again. lost all hope. i ain’t made for this world and certainly not being a sober good girl. i hope this feeling will go away once he’s back but really fkn scared it won’t bc it’s been a while now since i’ve realised that i can’t do life the way it’s supposed to. it’s not worth it. there is no point. it’s too hard fighting everyday to enjoy life and enjoy it sober with no chaos. it’s even too boring. i wish he wasn’t so good to me. i’m gonna fuck it all up and i’m so scared i don’t want to lose him i don’t want to hurt him i would want to have a good life, family, live in a cabin somewhere in the woods and he’d be growing his own plants (if u know what plants i mean then i like u) and we’d have a dog named rambo and i’d be happy. we’d be happy. he believes in this future for us, and fights so hard for it to become true everyday, why can’t i?
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