#also i did this (i think) in release order and i didn’t realize sign of the times came so much later

[rogersstevie]

#one direction #polls #was just thinking how much this town is still one of my favorite songs #and honestly i do think all their first single were really solid #also i did this (i think) in release order and i didn’t realize sign of the times came so much later #kind of funny when people insist harry hated the band and wanted to go solo more than anyone and then he took the longest lol #almost like he wasn’t in a rush to become a solo artist the way people think!

[biteofcherry]

To find the light, we must first touch the darkness

Please also check out @bluepinkangel​’s amazing hot moodboard for this universe 🖤

dark!mafia Steve Rogers x female reader

summary: When you unexpectedly are appointed to run a health center, you foresee many struggles along the way, but not one in the form of a merciless mob boss. Steve Rogers’ core aim is to own and he won’t take no for an answer. To any of his demands.

warnings: dark!Steve Rogers; manipulation; death threats; power imbalance; forced relationship; brief mention of choking kink; 

I did warn you this Steve is dark 😜

word count: 5.3k

Touch the Darkness Masterlist

Main Masterlist

Chapter 3. In the eye of the storm

~ * ~ 

You didn’t fight Rogers when he dragged you toward his car. For one, you were no match for him physically, though maybe you could treat his calf with your heel as you did your previous attackers. 

Secondly, you didn’t want to be strangled right away, or - if you chose the positive thinking route - have a chloroform rag pressed over your mouth. 

Your brain suffered enough for one day, losing extra brain cells due to unprofessionally used sedatives wasn’t something you’d like to experience.

You almost sighed in relief as you sank into the buttery soft leathers of the backseat. Closing your eyes, you inwardly checked off answers to basic questions - what was your name, what was the date, who was the current president, deducting seven from one hundred. 

You were at seventy two when strong fingers gripped your chin, tilting your head up and to the side. 

“Eyes on me.” Rogers commanded.

You opened your eyes instantly - not because he ordered, but to glare at him. At least that’s what you told yourself. 

He stared at you for a long moment, occasionally moving your head side to side. You realized he was watching your pupils react in the dimmed light. 

“I think I’m the one more equipped to be assessing neurological damage.” You snorted, trying to bat his hand away.

Rogers’ grip on your chin tightened as he caught your wrist in his other hand, forcing your hand down into your lap. He inched his face closer. The blue of his eyes were a brilliant splash of color in the otherwise dark surroundings. They almost made you dizzy all over again.

“Out of the two of us, I have more experience in immediate reactions. You deal with patients already stabilized.” He pointed out.

He released you, but didn’t move away; hovering so close his breath caressed the underside of your jaw. 

“Immediate reactions-” you huffed under your breath, “you check vitals of all the people you’ve beaten to the ground? Make sure they last a little longer before you’re done with them?”

“No, Princess.” Steve’s voice sounded light, contrasting with the heavy words he spoke: “I watch the light leave their eyes.” 

Jesus. If it wasn’t for the adrenaline still pumping fresh in your system, you’d curl into a ball and break out in sobs that your fate was at the feet of someone so ruthless. The fact he didn’t say it with glee was the only sign of a very thin line separating Rogers from a psychopath. 

Though indifference to something so cruel wasn’t a sign of empathy either. 

“However,” he finally leaned back a little, his eyes not once straying from your face, “I wasn’t the one who beat you to the ground. And I’m quite pleased the ordeal didn't chase away the sparks from your eyes.” 

As much as it irked you that Rogers found some amusement in your defiance, you clung to it, since it meant he wasn’t set cold on disposing of you. 

“Who was it then?” You asked, turning your head to peer through the window. 

“I told you, others will come for you.” One of his hands curled into a fist for a short moment, a muscle in his jaw twitching in tension. “I hoped they wouldn’t reach you until you said your words to me, but I forgot how rash and stupid some of my so-called opponents are.”  

At the start of the day you were blissfully oblivious to the existence of men like Steve Rogers. And by the end of it you had not only him barging into your life, but other mobsters too. 

You felt nauseous just from the thought of it. 

“They’re stupid for wanting the same thing you do?” It really wasn’t your aim to irritate your captor (posing as savior), but you gave yourself permission to be annoyed with this whole situation. 

“Nah, Princess. They’re stupid thinking they can take it from me.” 

Cocky words, but spoken with calm conviction of someone honed in fighting. Someone who won each fight he participated in.

It dawned on you that Steve’s previous warning of others coming to you with offers was only to manipulate you. Sure, as proved, others did come. But Rogers not for a second planned on giving you the opportunity to take sides with any of his rivals.

Which is probably how he got to you so fast - because he had someone watching you. No matter who, or how, tried to reach you, Rogers was going to intervene one way or another.

“Well, I can.” You muttered defiantly, resting your head back against the seat. “I still can say no.”

“Sure you can.” Steve’s tone held no anger, nor amusement. He sounded rather bored. 

And it fucking annoyed you! 

That he was indifferent to you putting up a fight, as if he could easily sway your decision with a snap of his fingers. 

The only thing stopping you from an outburst (and maybe trying to scratch his stupidly pretty face) was the voice of reason that your self-preservation instinct screamed at you. Because if you did any of those things, you’d probably end up dead. 

The front passenger’s door opened and a man slid in. Few strands of his dark hair escaped the tied bun. He made a single motion with his hand and the driver, without a question, started the car. 

“Rumlow’s goons?” Rogers asked, meeting the other man’s gaze in the rearview mirror. 

“Yep.” Came a dispassionate reply. “Widow’s gonna wait for the cleaning team then scoop the rat out of his hole. Should she bring him to the pit, or-”

“Bring him first to me.” Roger’s voice was like a slowly unsheathed sword.

When his eyes shifted to look at you as he spoke, you felt the heaviness of that blade settling on your shoulder, inching to cut off your head. Something told you that Rogers wanted you to witness the bloody spectacle, as if his words alone didn’t terrify you enough. 

As the car pulled out of the center’s parking lot, you caught a glimpse of your own car through the window. Rogers still had your keys. 

“Should I give your driver my address, or assume you know it already?” You asked Steve.

You wrapped your arms around yourself, feeling cold creeping up your skin despite warm wafts of heat distributed in the mobster's fine car. 

Adrenaline was slowly dying out, allowing the shock of the day’s mad events to take over your body. You considered yourself resilient, but it didn’t mean you were immune to stress and anxiety. 

“You know that I know it already.” Steve’s hand slid beneath your chin, cupping it surprisingly gently and turning your head so you looked at him. 

It provided a surge of warmth and comfort, despite the logical part of your brain recognizing its source as the most dangerous threat to you at the moment. 

“You’re also smart enough to know that you’re not going home tonight.” 

Steve’s words, if spoken by someone else, may have elicited a sense of security and comfort. But his intention wasn’t to care for you after a traumatic event and you wouldn’t fool yourself by projecting sympathetic traits onto him. 

Recklessly, you lunged for the side door, ready to jump out of a moving car. It wouldn’t be that bad, since you were already battered and the car was still moving quite slowly. 

Your fingers barely grazed the door handle when Rogers caught your wrists in a painfully hard grip. 

He yanked you backwards, your side bumping into his wide chest. Crossing your wrists together, he clasped them in one of his large hands. His other arm snuck around your back, hand slipping beneath your hip to hoist you up and over Rogers’ lap. 

“Now that,” he gruffed into your ear once he had you settled against him, “was purely stupid, Princess.” 

You sat frozen still, shocked from the way he positioned you and scared of how he’d answer your escape attempt. 

He held your crossed wrists to your chest, his other arm wrapped around your middle to ensure you sat in his lap and not try to flee again. His encompassing heat and strength overwhelmed you, spurring your heart into a rapid beat. 

“Be good and stay still, or I’ll tie you up in knots so intricate you’ll sweat with the shallowest breath.”

Fuck. You clenched your eyes shut, forcing your body to calm down.

If this was a threat of torture, Rogers sure made it sound like a dark promise of a more carnal nature. 

Then again, weren’t some of the worst medieval tortures the slow, seemingly harmless ones? You remembered learning of the one where a victim was bound down and had water slowly drip on their forehead. But it was continuous and from a height that made each drop feel like a little rock. Until it drilled through the skull. 

The way Steve handled you was messing with your head, too.

Cords of muscles in his arms, constricting you tightly, held the strength to cause immediate pain. They also lifted you up from the asphalt, provided security and support. As false as the sense of it was, you believed the protection of Rogers’ possessiveness. 

His thick thighs beneath you felt hard, definitely less comfortable than the leather seats. Your skin seemed to feel the coarse sturdiness of them even through the fabric of your pantsuit. 

It was humiliating. 

Especially with the way a spark of heat flickered to life in your belly. 

Women your age sat in a man’s lap for sexual purposes. Intimate purposes. 

A part of you knew that many assholes in a position of power - like a mobster - would push the situation further. Threats of physical violence, of rape, worked the best, right? 

And yet, Rogers wasn’t groping you. His hands didn’t stray much as he held you in place, while continuing to talk with his man in the front seat. 

It was a smart manipulation - making you thankful that he didn’t violate you, thus making you more comfortable and pliant to what he further demanded. 

When the car finally reached its destination, Rogers’ henchman stepped out to open the side door for you. Steve, with an annoying ease, lifted you off his lap and moved you closer to the exit, so you could step out. He quickly followed after, his fingers immediately circling your wrist to tug you along with him. 

Your heels weren’t that high, but they still wobbled on the gravel driveway in front of an impressive, Tudor style house. You felt more stable once you stepped onto a stone step at the entrance, but no matter the surface beneath your feet you definitely didn’t feel secure in the whole situation. 

Rogers released your arm once the door closed behind you, so sure of you following him obediently without him prompting you. 

It wasn’t like you had any other choice, anyway. 

You could spontaneously attempt an escape, but it would be stupid and pathetic since you didn’t even know where through the house you’d find an escape route, and the men keeping guard on the other side of the door would be as movable as a brick wall.

Besides, you had no certainty that Rogers wouldn’t simply take out his gun. 

Even if you didn’t see one, it didn't mean he wasn’t carrying. 

Steve led you through the spacious living room toward an open kitchen; motioned at you to sit down at the big, wooden dining table in the dining area next to the renovated but still rustical kitchen. Light, quite cozy space threw you off a bit. You’d first expect some dark office in which the mobster dealt with his business, where he’d once again make you an offer you couldn’t refuse. 

Instead, he ventured to the kitchen and put a kettle on the massive stove. 

“How do you take your tea?” He asked, so casually you were starting to wonder if you did not in fact have a brain damage and it was all a hallucination.

“Excuse me?” You stared at him. 

“I know you drink tea. It’s what you had in a cup on your desk earlier today.” He didn’t even glance your way as he opened a cupboard and took out a cup. “So, how do you take your tea? Black or green? Sugar?”

“Green,” you replied. You definitely needed something calming. 

“Are you hungry?” Steve leaned his hip against the counter of the kitchen island, arms crossed over his chest as he looked your way. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?!” You raised your voice, feeling exasperation and utter confusion. 

Combined, they made you more anxious. 

A muscle in his jaw twitched, the only sign of displeasure at your outburst. He slowly moved, taking off his leather jacket as he walked towards you. Once he placed the jacket over the backseat of one of the dining chairs, you noticed the gun holstered to his side. 

Undoubtedly, a purposeful showing of the threat he still posed, despite offering you tea. 

“We’re going to have a chat, which will make you even less happy,” he declared, towering above you. “It may take time. After today’s events, I suspect you may be down on energy, so I’m offering you a meal.”

“Well, my cook is off at this time, so you can’t hope for anything fancy-” he shrugged, turning his back to you and walking away to brew your tea- “but I make a mean grilled cheese sandwich.” 

“No, thank you,” you gritted through your teeth. 

It was hard to fight the urge to throw something at him, preferably knocking him out, then running away. You noticed french doors, probably leading to the garden, but something told you that you wouldn’t be able to get far before Rogers catches you.

A few moments later Steve placed a cup of steaming tea in front of you, with a fucking cookie on the saucer as if he was having you over for friendly chit chat. 

He sat opposite of you, on the other end of the table. You doubted it was because he was truly scared of you throwing hot tea at him. Rather wanted to maintain his level of power, seating himself at the head of the table like a king.

Tudor style house, taking dominating positions, rings shining on his fingers - he truly carried himself like a modern, dark king. 

He had the sleeves of his henley slightly pulled up, revealing more of the tattoos you noticed earlier. His other forearm was covered in swirls of black and color, as well. A protruding vein slithered beneath the ink, surprising you that it was still visible under tattoos. 

You wondered for a brief second, where else on his body the ink spread. 

Where else veins lead to nooks and dark discoveries…

A glint of his gun, when your gaze brushed over the wide span on Rogers’ chest, pulled you back to reality.   

“This is the part where you tell me you were right and that you can protect me from others?” You peered at Steve over the rim of your cup. 

The fact Rogers saved you, in a way, from a kidnapping and potential further pain, didn’t mean it was an act of genuine chivalry. There was also nothing indicating he couldn’t have staged the whole thing.

You’d be naive not to consider that scenario, especially since Rogers proved to be a very smart, subtle manipulator (though you also had a feeling he’d shed that subtlety in a blink of an eye, exposing the ruthless brutality of his rotten core, if you stepped too far). 

“This is the part where I show you not only I can protect you, but I will erase anything that poses a threat to my accouterments.” 

There was something in his tone that elicited a shiver of fear. The use of word erase, which suddenly transformed your concept of defiance’s consequences of pain and torture into ultimate death. 

There was also the other word that drew your attention. 

“Accouterments?” Slowly, you set the cup back on the saucer. 

“That what belongs to me-” Steve’s eyes bore a cold flame of a monstrous dragon daring someone to steal a single coin from his treasure- “and those who are of use to me.” 

An invisible fist clenched around your heart. 

As much as you hated the implication of being someone of use to Steve Rogers, it was a tad less scary than him labeling you as something belonging to him.

Belonging meant forever bound. It meant no escape.

Before you dared to point out you may not be of use, since you still wanted to refuse his deal, the door opened and multiple footsteps echoed. There was some shuffling, too. 

Your gaze flicked up over Steve’s shoulder, while he didn’t even flinch. He kept his eyes on you as you took in the scene unfolding behind him. A true horror, making the previous events of this day a merely inconvenient struggle. Cold dread spread through your limbs, washing away even the crackling anger that buzzed in your chest a few seconds ago.

Rogers’ henchman - called Bucky, if you heard right - pushed forward a battered and bound Felix.

Felix, who looked smaller and weaker next to these men in his posture alone. You still remembered how terrified he looked when Rogers first came into the center, you couldn’t imagine the damage the brutal treatment had to cause. 

His clothes were rumpled, his hair matted with blood that still slowly seeped from the gash on his forehead. His hands were bound with a zip tie.

“Oh my God!” You jumped to your feet.

You were itching to rush to him, rip him away from the grasp of the man looming right next to him, but you were aware there were a few obstacles in your way. The main one being Rogers. 

“Sit down, Princess,” Steve commanded calmly. 

“Let him go!” You demanded. Your eyes stung with tears, but you kept your gaze on poor Felix. “Haven’t you done enough? He plays no part in this!”

Your leg twitched, right foot taking a hesitant step forward. The sound of a chair scraping against the floor froze you in place. In your peripheral vision you saw Rogers stand up. 

He crossed the floor to you in a few long strides and stood in front of you, blocking your vision of Felix completely. Strong, long fingers curled around the front of your neck. The hot power radiating off of them and the feeling of cold, hard metal of his rings pressing into your skin caused your breath to hitch in your chest.

Your eyes flew up to Steve’s face in an instant; pupils widening and lips parting on a choked gasp. 

Cold blue depths of his eyes ignited with a triumphant recognition at your reaction. 

“Sit down, Princess.” He repeated his order, still calmly, but his tone was sharper. A snap of a whip to remind you of your place. 

Your knees weakened, bending obediently at his command. His hand remained locked on your throat as you sat down in your chair. He held you in his grip a moment longer, thumb brushing down along the column of your throat to chase the wicked pulse beneath your skin.

Then he released you, moving only a step to the side and half-sitting on the dining table. He motioned at Bucky to come a little closer with their victim, so that both you and Steve could see Felix and what was about to unfold. 

“Your dutiful employee plays a bigger part in all of this, than you think.” Rogers addressed you. 

“Do you know,” he rested one of his hands on the table, fingers slowly rapping against the sturdy surface (rings on his fingers caught wicked flickers of light), “that the men who tried to kidnap you today are a part of Brock Rumlow’s pitiful mob? They call themselves Hydra.” 

As if on cue, Bucky gripped Felix’s shoulder with one gloved hand and with his other hand yanked up the blood-stained fabric of his shirt. 

Exposing a tattoo on Felix’s ribs; one presenting a skull with some kind of tentacles. 

You assumed it was supposed to be the symbol of the aforementioned Hydra. 

“Felix here,” Steve tilted his head slightly your way, “has alarmed them of my visit and the importance of getting to you, even though he doesn’t really understand what I want.” 

Rogers’ fingers stopped their motion against the table and you sensed it’s bad when he goes still. He stood up once again, straightening to his full form. With your eyes somehow glued to Steve’s impressive form, you didn’t notice Felix gulp nervously and try to lean away from the approaching predator. 

“I understand dutiful soldiers. I appreciate them, truly.” Rogers gave a small nod of acknowledgement. “Especially when they remain loyal even when pissing their pants out of fear.” 

Felix current, as well earlier trepidation was true. People who heard of what Rogers was capable of dreaded any contact with him, especially people like Felix who was only gathering and bringing information. He wasn’t an enforcer who’d clench his teeth and try to shoot his way out of the mess. 

“Pity it wastes on someone like Rumlow.” Steve snorted, his eyes showing distaste as he looked Felix over. “Who won’t even retaliate for losing a pathetic rat like you.” 

“To the pit with him.” He declared, not an ounce of mercy in the heaviness of his voice.

Bucky dragged Felix away, despite the man trying his best to struggle against the clearly stronger opponent. No one even paused at your cry of protest. 

“Don’t! Don’t kill him.” You begged Steve when he turned to you.

The hard set of his jaw warned you that he was becoming annoyed with you. He kicked back the chair that was the closest to you and dropped down onto it. Placing his elbow on the table once again exposed the gun at his side.

In a sick way, it was a display of mercy that he hasn’t used it yet.

Not on you. And not on Felix, killing him right in front of your eyes. 

“With your spitfire personality, I didn’t take you for such a softie, Princess.” Steve studied you, though you weren’t sure if it was a shard of fascination or further annoyance with you. 

“He relayed information not only now, about you. But also about Howard when he lived, as well any important person who ever crossed the threshold of the health center. Important not only in terms of social position, but of potential usefulness.”

Privacy and confidentiality were one of the most important aspects of your line of work, you respected it to a point of becoming difficult for a few people in your former workplaces. Learning of that breach would turn you merciless, too, but you’d only fire Felix, not kill him. 

“Say that the son of one of your patient’s is a border guard.” Steve mused, though you had a feeling it wasn’t just a hypothetical example, but actual truth. “People like that are useful in my line of work. Approaching him around the center is so much more convenient than staging it elsewhere. Plus, there’s also the aspect of his father’s rehabilitation that can be used as a motivator.”  

“And how do you know that?” You spat bitterly.

Your anger was simmering anew. At Rogers, at Felix, at the whole fucked up world your reality suddenly turned out to be. 

A slow, wolfish smile curved Steve’s lips; sinister as well as tempting to come closer.

“Maybe two more heads grow when you chop off someone from Hydra, but a few of their vital organs are transplants from me. Their head is stupid enough he doesn’t expect it.” He revealed.

Perhaps Hydra was depicted as having tentacles all around, but it seemed Steve Rogers’ ties reached deeper and further. 

You strongly believed he had an ear at every institution, on every street, at every company. Seeking out help, in any desperate form, would sooner bring you to your doom. And now that you were on his radar, it was best to remain in moderately good grace than face the terror of seeing someone else you care for at the end of Rogers’ barrel. 

“You could’ve spared me that,” you frowned and bowed your head, your focus on the cooling tea in your cup. “Seeing Felix like that. Or anyone else.”

“Why do you think I had him taken out from here? So you didn’t have to see it, Princess.” Steve’s casual voice boasted a twisted kind of mercy. 

“But it's something you should get accustomed to. It’s the world you’ll be living in from now on.”

You shook your head, crossing your arms over your chest (mostly to hide the trembling in your hands). Rogers has forced himself into your life, leaving a red stain of blood in his wake, but you wouldn’t allow him to dirty up all of your space. 

Compartmentalizing was your salvation. At least you hoped to hone that skill. 

“No.” You swallowed and dared to lift up your head, meet his gaze. “I may sign over the health center to you, but I don’t need to dip my fingers into anything else that has to do with you.” 

There was no point in claiming you won’t give up the center, he proved there would be only sorrow and despair if you tried to defy him. You didn’t want to see anyone else executed, not even hear about it being done in retaliation for your stubbornness. 

No, you’d give him that bloody ownership of the place, try to maintain as much good work as it could provide (if he still allowed you to run it properly), but not cry over a scrap of land, because life was more important than it. 

“A little too late for that, Princess.”

Something dark gleamed in Steve’s eyes; not a sign of an immediate danger, not even a threat, but it raised the hair on your nape. 

“We’ve established that you want to continue the center’s work,” he said. “I have nothing against it. In fact it will serve me well that you keep the center running impeccably. You remaining its owner, serves me even better. Takes the attention off of me.”   

There should be joy at the implication you’d be left alone to run the center and help people, but Steve’s choice of words - and knowing now that he was always two steps ahead, scheming - made you even more wary.

“You want me to work for you? Run some seedy business under the guise of the health center?” You narrowed your eyes.

“No.” He didn’t smile, but his face glowed in smug victory. “You will take my last name.”

You gaped at him. 

Soundlessly, unmoving. Just blinking as your brain refused to process the words he had just spoken nonchalantly. You tried to re-hear them, replaying the sentence in your head to seek for a different meaning than the one which was obvious. 

Steve cocked his head to the side, amusement forming cute crinkles around his eyes as he watched you. 

“Now, say yes to me, Princess. And eat your cookie,” he motioned the untouched cookie on the saucer. 

A second passed. Then another.

Suddenly, you grabbed the cookie and threw it straight at Rogers’ face. Jumping up to your feet rapidly, you didn’t even notice Steve caught the biscuit in his hand. You were aiming for the door, not once glancing over your shoulder.

“Hell the fuck no!” You cursed as you stomped to the exit. “I’m so done. Done with this fucking bullshit! What the fuck? The actual fuck?!” 

You didn’t even care if a scuffle with some bodyguards awaited you when you reached the door; you were ready to claw some eyes out. The sound of a chair moving behind you only added to your pace, accelerating your heart rate. 

But there were no heavy steps following you. No one grabbed you. A fleeting thought that he could simply shoot you, crossed your mind. 

No pain spread through your body yet. 

There was no one outside when you opened the door. Not a sign of any goons, not a sign of a car either. You wobbled a bit when your feet sunk into the gravel of the driveway, but you kept on marching forward. Adamant on getting the hell out of here and out of any deals with Steve fucking Rogers, you were ready to walk through unknown woods and empty roads. 

“Who inherits after your death?” Steve called out after you, his voice so calm and swift it was a blade that stopped you mid-step. 

He didn’t run after you; didn’t yell at you to return to him. He merely spoke words that pierced you harder than a rain of bullets.

“Is it your parents? I reckon they’d be agreeable to pass the center to the benefactor’s hands, especially being so grief stricken after losing their only daughter.”

Slowly, you turned on your heel. Rogers stood in the doorway, leaning against it, with arms crossed over his chest. 

“If they wanted to hold on to the center as a last thread connecting them to you, I guess I’d have no choice but to help them out of their misery.” 

He was a devil, you were sure of it. A fucking devil, with a face of an angel so eager to sin he’d burn the world down just to satisfy his hunger. 

Steve uncrossed his arms and crooked a finger at you, beckoning you to him. Swallowing hard, you took a tentative step forward. Then another. Everything inside you still screamed at you to run, hide from him under a rock in some God forsaken lands, but the pull he had over you didn’t let you retreat. 

His gaze didn’t move from you even for a second, watching your approach with growing satisfaction. 

When you stepped onto the threshold, Steve reached his hand out and stroked a single digit along your cheek. Which was surprisingly dry, though you expected yourself to be drowning in tears.

Despite knowing how lethal he was, despite hearing death threats from him just seconds ago, you didn’t flinch away. Somehow knowing that now, as you reluctantly accepted the fate he forged for you, he wouldn’t hurt you. 

Or maybe it was a fool's hope. 

“Say yes to me, Princess.” He tipped your chin up with his finger.

“Yes,” you gritted out, hands clenched into fists at your sides.

“You will marry me.” He wasn’t even asking as he moved his hand to cup the side of your face.

“I will marry you, you fucking bastard.” You had to agree, didn’t mean you had to be nice about it. 

Steve grinned, ice in his eyes bursting into deceiving sunlight. 

When his mouth took yours in possession, surprise ripped a gasp out of your chest (which melted against his lips). Your eyes closed - perhaps instinctively, or maybe in the rush of chaotic feelings that lulled your adrenaline spike with suddenly evoked endorphins. 

His scent, his heat, his strength, surrounded you. They drew you in, trapping you in some sort of a wicked wonderland into which your body was eagerly melting, despite your brain’s awareness of the calamity it meant. 

Steve’s kiss posed the same threat - a ruthless demand of your complete surrender, led by soft, quite sweet tasting lips. 

Your hands fell to his shoulders when he pushed you back against the doorframe. Your pulse skyrocketed as the hand on your cheek slid down, ringed fingers curling around your neck. When his tightening grip made you moan, Steve chuckled against your lips and pulled back. 

“We have a deal, Princess.” 

It sounded as much an iron decree it was, as also a promise of life for you and those close to you.

#Dark!mafia Steve Rogers #dark!mafia Steve Rogers x reader #dark!mafia steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers fic #steve rogers imagine #touch the darkness #my writing

[poledancingdinos]

Hostile Territory - Chapter 20

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC (Leah Coleman)

Word count: 2.5K

Warnings: none for this chapter

Catch up: Series Masterlist

Taglist: @amberangel112 @utterlyhopeful-fics @marantha @kebabgirl67 @littleone65 @omgkatinka @luclittlepond @persephonepraxidikechthonios @enchantedbytomandhenry @narnianaos @geralts-yenn @peaches1958 @avengersfan25 @sillyrabbit81 @summersong69 @identity2212 @liecastillo @lena-banena @mrsevans90 @confessionbrain-writings @eclecticfashionbookszipper @happydistraction @hannah9921 @valacircareads @toooldforobsessions @kingliam2019

Masterlist

Day 203

After arguing a little, Ash let Leah pay the normal hourly rate for his work and gave her a final hug before seeing her off.

“So,” Sy began as they stood outside the shop, “where to now?”

That was a good question. Leah had been stunned to see Sy—thrilled—but stunned. All she knew was that she wanted to keep him close but she also couldn’t miss her appointment with Ash. After that, well, she’d been too focused on not messing up Ash’s lines to think about what they would do next.

“I’m going to guess you’re starving since all you’ve eaten since you showed up on my doorstep was a couple of strawberries so… Dinner?”

Dinner was the obvious answer considering it was almost six o’clock but what kind? Did she take him home and make him wait while she found something to cook? Did they go out? If so, where? Was this a dinner and a movie type of thing or a drinks at the bar type of thing?

“I am starvin’. Why don’t you tell me where I can get your favorite takeout and I’ll meet you back at your place?”

Leah released a breath she hadn’t realized she was holding. That sounded perfect. She didn’t know why Sy made her so nervous. She’d never been one to turn into a blubbering mess in front of a guy but damn did she feel like a kid going up to her first crush on the school playground. Maybe it was because, for the first time, she really wanted a relationship to work out. 

“There’s a little place on 2nd Street. Every time the guys talked about what they wanted to eat when they got home, I thought about their bacon cheeseburgers.”

Sy’s desirous groan confirmed that he was fully onboard with that idea. Leah laughed, holding out her hand.

“Give me your phone and I’ll pull up the address for you.”

Sy did as requested, holding on a second longer than necessary as their fingers brushed together.

“Why don’t ya put your number in there while you’re at it. I figure that’s something a good boyfriend should have.”

Leah pursed her lips as she bit the inside of her cheek. “Is that what you are to me now?”

“Give me the next two weeks then you can decide for yourself.”

Why was this man so damn smooth? And how was he still single? The women in Georgia must have been blind. Or maybe Sy just wasn’t around enough to really get to know anyone.

“If you get me that bacon cheeseburger then you might just be able to do it.” Leah finished up with Sy’s phone handing it back to him. “I’ll leave the door unlocked for you.”

After seeing Sy off, Leah rushed home, making a mental list of everything she needed to clean before Sy came back. She started with the living room which had the empty snack wrappers from the previous late night with her brother. She then took the trash out back and moved on to the bathroom to remove all signs of female life. Her wax strips, razor and shaving cream were unceremoniously dumped in a basket under the sink before she threw her dirty clothes in the laundry hamper. Finally, she changed the sheets on the bed, not remembering if she had done so before leaving in order to come home to an already fresh set of sheets.

The front door opened just as she finished fluffing the pillows. She made her way back down, drawn by the familiar scent that reminded her of her many amazing family nights growing up. Sy finished taking his boots off then lifted the paper bag. “Kitchen or couch?”

“It’s probably best if we eat this at a table but we can do a movie on the couch afterwards.”

“Sounds good.”

It was difficult to maintain any kind of conversation over dinner with how messy the burgers were but they both devoured their food so fast that there wasn’t enough time for it to get awkward.

“You were right,” Sy declared after finishing the final bite of his burger. “I’ll be dreamin’ of that meal once we get back.”

“How you just ate two of those and haven’t yet fallen into a food coma I do not understand.”

Although, in Leah’s experience, the more she trained and gained muscle, the hungrier she got. With a body like Sy’s—which looked to be about ninety percent muscle—he was probably capable of eating that much on a daily basis.

Sy huffed a laugh at her comment, leaning back in his chair and closing his eyes. “I may still fall asleep during the movie.”

Leah stood, throwing the wrappers in the trash and swapping the empty soda cups for beer bottles from the fridge.

“I need to take the wrap off my tattoo before we do that. My jeans are pressing on my skin and it’s starting to hurt.”

Sy opened his eyes, reaching a hand out to catch Leah around the waist and pull her to sit sideways on his lap. She didn’t resist, letting herself be moved and putting an arm around his shoulders.

“Don’t stay uncomfortable on my account.” His thumb traced the exposed skin of her side. “What would ya have put on if I hadn’t been here?”

A shiver ran down Leah’s spine at the gentle touch. “Umm… Probably an old t-shirt and boyshorts.”

“Ya didn’t seem worried about undressin’ at the shop. Would it be different with it just bein’ the two of us here?”

No, she hadn’t been worried at the shop and she wouldn’t be uncomfortable undressing now. However, she did care about her appearance. Comfortable and sexy didn’t often go hand in hand. Leah may not have been trying to tempt Sy into bed but she didn’t want to look like a slob either. 

“I guess I shoulda asked before now,” he added after a moment without an answer, “but do ya wanna tell me what your limits are?”

Leah wasn’t quite sure what Sy meant but she’d only heard the word ‘limits’ used in a handful of contexts.

“Like kink limits?”

“That too but I meant any sort of boundaries ya have.”

Sy took a deep inhale, his expression turning thoughtful as he carefully considered his words. The last thing he wanted was for Leah to misunderstand his intentions.

“Imma be honest here,” his tongue darted out, wetting his lips. “I don’t care if we don’t have sex or if we don’t do anything else that would get either of us off but it would be real hard for me if physical contact was fully off the table. I don’t ever want to make you uncomfortable or do something against your will. If there’s anywhere ya don’t want to be touched I’d appreciate ya lettin’ me know before I do something wrong.”

“Is that why we’re having this conversation with me sitting on your lap?”

Sy looked down as if he hadn’t realized what he’d done. It was like wanting to have her close was so deeply ingrained in him that he’d done it on instinct.

“Yeah, sorry.”

He moved to lift her off but Leah stopped him with a hand on his chest.

“No, it’s okay, I like this. I’m okay with cuddling, kissing or sitting on your lap but…”

“But I should keep my hands in safe territory and avoid anything sexual?” Sy finished when she hesitated for too long.

“Yes but no…” Leah shook her head, making her hair fall over her face. “I know it’s stupid but if you’re doing it for you then it’s usually okay but if it’s with the intention to get me off then it’s usually not.”

It made Sy angry to hear Leah talk about herself that way. It occurred to him that Leah, although confident in her physical abilities and skills in the field, always struggled to express her feelings or share personal thoughts. She usually responded better to specific questions but they still appeared to take a toll on her.

“It’s not stupid. Nothing ya feel is stupid, okay?” He held her tighter, moving a hand the back of her neck in the hopes that the gentle pressure would help soothe her. He was working off a hunch he’d had for a while that Leah had submissive tendencies. Though she didn’t like feeling out of control, Sy had an inkling that she would appreciate giving it up to someone she trusted. And that she needed more praise in her life. “You’re doin’ real good, darlin’, this is helpin’ me understand. When ya say it would be okay when it’s for me, would ya enjoy it or would ya tolerate it?”

“If I was in the right mood, I’d want to make you feel good and I’d enjoy it.”

“But you wouldn’t want me to reciprocate?”

Leah shook her head ‘no’.

“Okay. Thank you for tellin’ me.” Leah leaned into Sy’s hold on her nape, some of the tension finally leaving her body. “Is there a reason talkin' about this is so hard for ya?”

It scared him to ask the question but he needed to know if the reason for Leah’s discomfort was because of a bad past experience or if it was just how she was. Leah had kept her eyes averted the entire time and Sy fought the desire to tip her chin up, not wanting to risk her shutting down completely.

“I guess I find it embarrassing to explain so it was always easier to just act like I was into it.”

Sy touched his forehead to Leah’s temple, closing his eyes as he calmed himself.

“Don’t ever do that with me.” It wasn’t a request, it was an order. “If you’re not into it, nothing happens. We don’t need to get deeper into all this tonight but you have to promise me that much.”

Leah shifted on Sy’s lap, turning to face him more fully. Sy’s intense gaze met hers, conveying how deeply he cared about her and her wellbeing.

Feeling a little too overwhelmed for words, Leah pulled Sy forward and gently pressed her lips to his. He let himself be moved, giving her control to slowly explore the kiss.

When they parted, Leah had a shy smile on her face. “I promise.”

“Good girl.” He kissed her temple and tapped her good thigh twice. “Now go get comfy and I’ll finish cleanin’ up in here.”

“If I change then you should too.”

“I’m not the one with a massive wound on my leg but I can take my pants off if that’s what ya want.”

Leah rolled her eyes, biting back a smile. “Well, it wouldn’t be a hardship but I meant you should put on shorts or sweats or something.”

After Sy agreed to change, Leah went upstairs and made sure her tattoo was clean and dry before slipping on her boyshorts and oversized t-shirt. She looked herself up and down as she tied her hair into a loose ponytail, declaring herself as ready as she could be.

When she returned, Sy had already made himself comfortable on the couch, scrolling through the movie options. He’d changed into what looked like thin sweatpants and was stretched out in the corner of the L-shaped couch.

“Don’t move for a second.”

He watched as Leah pulled what looked like a drawer out from under the main section of the couch and popped it up to form a mattress sized couch.

“Well that’s convenient.”

“Dad got sick of me and Caleb fighting over the single ottoman we had so he bought this couch instead.”

Spotting the instant change in Leah’s mood, Sy stretched out his arm in invitation. She crawled forward, snuggling into his side and gratefully accepting his quiet comfort. Conveniently, Sy had chosen the side of the couch that allowed Leah to rest on her good hip so she made herself comfortable with her other leg over Sy’s lap.

“Did you find something to watch?”

Sy flipped through the titles again. “I don’t recognize most of the names but I’m up for Friday Night Lights, Taken, Coach Carter—”

“Ooh, I haven’t watched Coach Carter in forever.”

“Coach Carter it is.”

He started the movie and handed Leah her beer, taking a sip from his own. The weight of Leah’s body against Sy’s appease an ache that had been growing stronger in Sy since he’d met her. It had started in earnest after the whole Sharpie tattoo incident, turning into a bone deep need for her touch.

After careful consideration, he placed his hand on her thigh just above her knee. When she didn’t flinch with pain, he began tracing patterns over her skin.

They both managed to stay awake throughout the whole movie although Leah was definitely struggling to keep her eyes open. Sy switched off the television as the credits began to roll and slipped off the couch, leaving a grumbling Leah behind.

“Come on, baby girl, I’m sure your bed will be more comfortable.”

She smiled sleepily scooting out from the center of the couch. Sy couldn’t help himself, he leaned down and pulled Leah into his arms.

“I can walk, you know.”

“Yeah, but the last time I carried ya up a set of steps I couldn’t do it how I wanted. Indulge me.”

Leah pressed her nose into the crook of his neck, humming in appreciation. Sy carried Leah into the bathroom, seating her on the counter. “I’ll leave you to it while I go get my bag.”

“Okay. My room is the one on the left of the stairs.”

After brushing her teeth and relieving her bladder, Leah grabbed her trusty ink towel and set it up in her bed.

“What’s that for?” Sy asked as he came in and closed the door.

Leah took the tie out of her hair, shaking it out. “Blood is easy to get out but ink, not so much.”

“Only you could tell me that blood stains are easy to get out as if it’s an everyday occurrence and without a lick of sarcasm.”

Sy reached behind his head, pulling his shirt off by the collar. Leah shamelessly studied his chest and stomach. His hair had grown back but she didn’t mind it one bit. The pants came off next, leaving Sy in only his underwear and the man looked damn good.

“Well,” she began, shaking herself out of her six-pack induced trance and getting under the covers, “all you need is hydrogen peroxide and it comes right out.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sy joked, catching Leah’s chin and tipping her head up for a languid kiss that made her melt into the mattress.

“G’night,” he whispered, placing a final peck on her cheek before switching off the light.

Reversing their positions from their night at the motel, Sy slipped an arm under Leah’s head and drew her closer until her back was pressed to his chest. After a short moment of silence, Sy spoke up again. “For the record, the southern charm worked.”

Chapter 21

#captain syverson #captain syverson fic #captain syverson fanfic #captain syverson fanfiction #cpt syverson #cpt syverson fic #cpt syverson fanfiction #henry cavill #cpt syverson fanfic #cpt syverson x ofc #captain syverson x ofc

[good-beanswrites]

Just wanted to plant an idea if you wanted a bit of fuel: Mahiru asking Yuno to come to her cell before everything goes down.

Edit: I forgot the ask didn't say it but this is part of Kyanako's incredible Order Of Attack AU!

Didn't mean for this to become a mini Mappi study but here we are ✨ Thank you for the request! I fully intended to write them hanging out, but it's more right before they hang out lol. Went a bit on-the-nose with foreshadowing, but isn't that the fun part? It has become Emotional Over Mahiru Hour...

I kept things vague, but TW for mentioning her boyfriend's state of potential self-harm

Mahiru tried not to act superstitious, she really did. As much as she loved the idea of little luck charms, or avoided easy signs of misfortune, it was easier to keep quiet about such ridiculous things.

Maybe catching a bride’s bouquet meant no guarantees; maybe there was no real harm in stepping underneath ladders, maybe a coin tossed into a fountain had no real magic to its wish. However, the one thing she knew for sure held power was a lucky presence. Being in the right place at the right time could alter everything. And today was the right time for something. There was this waiting in the air. The prison had been holding its breath. Mahiru knew it was time to release it all.

“You must be so lonely, why don’t you let big sis Mahiru keep you company?” She beamed at Amane.

She often recalled the good fortune that she and a certain young man had crossed paths on the university terrace. She used to laugh with him about the wonderful coincidence of bumping into each other outside of the bakery, then the convenience store. 

Though she’d never spoken about it to him, she was also grateful for many occasions where she walked in on him at the precise moment to talk him out of something reckless. She always told him that they’d do everything together. He didn’t need to be alone anymore. 

“I wish to be alone. I need peace of mind to think.” Amane turned away from the cell door.

It was a good thing, too. Mahiru’s smile wasn’t as convincing as she said, “o-oh. Of course.”

She made her way around the panopticon, hearing Fuuta pace his cell in anticipation. He must have felt it too, this holding of breath. 

Or perhaps not. He turned down her offer for a bit of company, including a few more colorful words than Amane had. Mahiru just apologized for bothering him and headed back to her cell. She wasn’t sure where Mikoto was at this hour, but she didn’t feel like smiling through a third rejection.

She shook her head back and forth. She wished the motion could rattle the voices inside, she wished she could shake them all away. With her arms secured in place she could no longer cover her ears. She used to hum to keep them at bay, but lately they’d been too loud to stifle. They just kept on talking.

Their words told her the two were right. Nobody needed her company. No – nobody wanted it. Being together hadn’t helped her boyfriend. In fact, being together had been the very thing that got him killed. No wonder Amane and Fuuta wanted to avoid her. 

So then, this was for the best. She would rather deal with the brief sting of refusal than stumble in one day to find them hurt… or worse. As much as she tried to avoid the superstition of it all, the voices reminded her that her very presence could mean life or death. 

“Mappi, are you alright?” Mahiru hadn’t realized a tear had slipped down her cheek until she hurried to swipe it away in front of Yuno. 

“Hah, I’m fine! Just fine.” It was impossible to fool her, Mahiru had learned, but that never stopped her from trying. 

At least she always spoke tactfully. “Rough morning?”

Mahiru shifted her arms in her uniform, making a small sound of agreement.

“Can I do anything to help? What if I stay with you for a bit? I can do your hair, and…”

The voices were right. Amane and Fuuta knew it, too. Presences did hold power, and Mahiru’s was cursed.

But she would sound foolish admitting such a fear to Yuno. She'd heard plenty from the voices about how stupid and airheaded she was, there was no use in getting the same lecture from someone as grounded as her.

Mahiru managed a weak protest, unable to explain her real reasoning. Yuno was insistent. She didn’t give much of a choice. Could she feel the strangeness of the prison, as well? 

At last, Mahiru allowed her shoulders to sag. Yuno was lucky. And kind. Having her nearby would do her good. Amane and Fuuta would be alright. Mahiru had tried spending more time with them after verdicts were announced. Now, she made a mental note to pull back. If her love couldn’t save anyone, at least she could spare them from her curse. They would be safe. 

“Yes. Please stay. The truth is... I don't want to be alone.”

#milgram #mahiru shiina #yuno kashiki #amane and fuuta mentioned #i dont know how well this all fits in with your vision of the au but i had a ton of fun with this lmao sorry 😂 #oh hey if anyone knows any japanese superstitions like those in the beginning lmk #i was trying to research them but i kept getting lucky symbols/words - not necessarily actions like that #anyway thank you so much for this!! it was a really interesting moment to capture >:0 #drabbles that take me way too long to combine my three brain cells but im really pleased with the end result #i had a lot of Mahiru Thoughts but it took a bit of fiddling to make them fit together #the superstitiousness - the focus on one's presence - the parallels with his bf - what she's dealing with from the voices #im glad it came together semi-smoothly in the end asdfsd #i didnt mean for mahiru t break the fourth wall or anything -- #i always saw her as a master at picking up on social changes/cues so she can tell when things are most tense/kotoko is fully prepared #but she doesnt consciously know it -- she just knows that things feel Off #not only do the attacks confirm mahirus fear that shes cursed - but yunos involvement confirms her belief that shes extra lucky #i wonder if shed still end up spending all her time with yuno now that she thought she was such a protective person... #i couldnt articulate it right since the end was wrapping up so nicely - but mahiru starts to wonder if most people are fine being left alon #and *shes* the odd one out for craving company #then she feels isolated because by getting what she wants shes dooming someone else #i mean... if everyone you try to get close to starts getting hurt... wouldnt you worry about the same...? #AHAHAHAHA hope you enjoyed 🙃 #*posts this then retreats back into the void for a bit* #drabbles

[melis-writes]

Ensnared [Carlito Brigante x Reader, 18+ Smut] Oneshot.

Read on AO3. | Fanfic Masterlist | Fic and Prompt Requests Info.

18+, explicit smut oneshot.

“And whose cock is in my mouth right now? Don’t tell me you’re jealous." / “. I wouldn’t show you my face if I wasn’t a changed man ready, to tell the truth.”

Five years has passed since your fiancé Carlito was imprisoned, leaving your engagement hanging onto fate and your heartache. Fighting between what you love and know, feeling lied to and betrayed from Carlito as your heart yearns for him, you refuse to take off the very engagement ring he gave you as a sign of commitment. In bitter attempts to move on, its unbeknownst to you that Carlito's been released with only one priority in mind–finding you and convincing his fiancée that Carlito's a changed man and wants nothing but the future he promised to you before. While Gail seeking out Carlito's company too, you find yourself in a shocking position to suddenly see your fiancé once again and deny everything until Carlito ensnares you all over again with the truth and closure your heart begged for.

[WARNINGS]: Mentions of prison/jail time / Mentions of drug dealing / Alcohol consumption / Heavy smut / Rough sex / Oral sex / Blowjob / Touching & foreplay / Dirty talking / Fingering / Orgasm control / Spit kink.

[AUTHOR'S NOTE]: The Carlito Brigante x Reader smut fic we've all been waiting for is finally here!! 😩🙏🏻 Better late than never. 😅 My very first Carlito fic would be incomplete without angst + comfort, intimate fluff and much needed rough, sloppy sex. 🥵🥵 Carlito's more than eager to finally be with you after five years apart and won't relent to show you badly he wants you either. Our reader's name in this fic is Evelyn Whittaker and you'll see how you/she has felt for Carlito over the years and that it'll take a lot more than promises to mend a broken heart, but truth and closure. ❤

[ April 1993 ]

‘Friday…’ You let out a soft sigh, resting your chin over the palm of your hand as you sit at your favorite window side spot at your local café, wondering to yourself how many more times you can aimlessly stir your steaming cappuccino before letting your mind wander off even farther.

Ordering the same coffee, drinking from the same style cups, and sitting at the same table for the past six years at your café makes you realize you’re more of a creature of habit than you admit.

A lot of your own favorite things and places were also favorites of Carlito’s—just another reason why you enjoy them as much as he did.

The very café you sit at alone as the rest of the afternoon dwindles by is the very same one you and Carlito had your first date in back in 1986—seven years ago now.

Back then you’d laugh at the idea of coming here alone without Carlito’s presence, especially after the two of you memorized each other’s favorite orders; Carlito always knew you loved a classic cappuccino, and you knew his order would always be a black Americano.

In the same café at the same seat where you and Carlito laughed, joked, and had two hour-long conversations with richly delicious coffee and various sweet treats passing your lips, you were now alone, single, and had been for the past five years since Carlito was imprisoned.

Five years ago you were giddy, planning out your dream wedding day with the man you claim to be the love of your life to now sitting glumly by the window wondering when your heart will stop searching for Carlito in places you know he’ll never be in.

The initial fresh sting and pain of heartache aren’t there anymore and life has found other ways to preoccupy and distract you, but your mind’s never failed to wander and hurt you just by thinking of everything you and Carlito had from beginning to end if you didn’t make an active effort to stop thinking about it all the time.

The first two years were without a doubt absolutely unbearable; you’d barely be able to use your napkin for anything else except let it completely soak through with your tears, crying in public and always leaving your cappuccino half finished.

The pain’s never left you entirely, but there’s a familiar numbness that’s gotten you used to everything—you didn’t have a choice about that. You’d feel every ache in your heart whether you wanted to or not.

You gaze down at the engagement ring Carlito gave you upon your ring finger glumly; a two-karat pear-shaped diamond, glistening at every angle.

With your refusal within the last five years to take off the ring and last night spent crying over it until your eyes felt numb and you physically couldn’t anymore, the engagement ring now serves as a reminder for as long as you keep it on your finger, you won’t give up on Carlito entirely.

At the same time the ache in your heart tells you that such a beautiful ring over your finger is a result of Carlito’s criminality; how else would Carlito or any other person afford a two-karat diamond just like that?

‘Drug money.’ Carlito, his heroin heists, and the massive drug ring he ran in East Harlem got you this engagement ring and secured your future with Carlito, but also was a reminder as to why Carlito was in jail.

‘Five years. Twenty-five more to go.’ You feel your bottom lip trembling just thinking about the thirty-year sentence Carlito’s going to be serving, and it doesn’t look like anything’s gotten in the way to change it now.

Nothing can help Carlito or change his sentence now—at least not to you with any reasonable explanation and justification you can come up with on the spot.

You know there’s simply too much evidence that proves Carlito did everything and everything. The thirty-year sentence in a way is very much deserved when it comes to the list of Carlito’s proven charges since everyone in the courtroom including Dave—Carlito’s lawyer and close friend you can hardly stand—knew Carlito was fucked because there was little to no defense to be said against such incriminating, hard evidence.

You unfortunately remember it all so perfectly from the moment you took your seat in court until the very end when you barely had the energy left inside of you to step out.

You had never sobbed so hard in your life, silencing your tears and cries by keeping a napkin constantly pressed up to your face.

You remembered staring in horror at the judge as Carlito’s final sentence was read out and that your anxiety only doubled to cause deep nausea inside of you to watch your fiancé rise to his feet only to be handcuffed.

You remembered how right then and there Carlito had turned his head to look at you and only you; giving you a smile with a calm, content look on his face as if nothing was happening—the complete opposite from your bloodshot, teary eyes and shaky hands.

“Don’t worry, baby. Everything’s gonna be alright. Don’t you worry about me.” Were Carlito’s last words to you before the police began to escort him away and the tears pooling in your eyes blurred your vision once more.

30 years without Carlito—you didn’t have a clue as to how you’d go on, knowing you’d be almost sixty years old by the time Carlito’s set to be released.

Still, the question is the same now and will be the same every day for as long as you think of Carlito and keep the engagement ring on your finger; not to mention his belongings that are still in your apartment.

You don’t think you’ll ever recover from the fact your fiancée was a drug lord for years in East Harlem, making millions with the heroin trade and lying about all of it to you throughout the years.

The lie Carlito told you about how he made his money and what he did for a living was that Carlito bought and sold vintage, luxury cars and was also a co-owner of a diamond business on the side; all very believable knowing his stellar reputation and ability to prove it all to you when you came down to see him.

While it may have been true Carlito bought and sold expensive cars and made quite the profit off of selling diamonds, he didn’t mention the storage rooms filled with heroin; processed, refined, and smuggled out there by Carlito and his few, trusted men.

Nonetheless Carlito’s “living” was a good lie that you believed in, but a lie you also believed would sustain your marriage and lifestyle as well as the future lives of your children with Carlito too.

It was because of all of Carlito’s lies that you were ultimately confused when Carlito was arrested and went to court, simply out of being completely clueless about everything.

Even Dave didn’t tell you anything since he believed it was for Carlito and Carlito alone to tell you, but Carlito would never have the time or opportunity to—especially after he got arrested.

It didn’t take you long to realize in the courtroom what had just happened; the lies, the drugs, and Carlito’s criminality—just to name a few.

None of that stood a chance against your feelings and love for Carlito, but you only lost your fiancé that day—not your common sense.

Carlito was influential, powerful, and feared in the streets of East Harlem and kept up the same lies to you since you two met in 1985, but when he was gone, he was gone, and you had to figure out quickly for yourself as to what you would do next.

Would you go see Carlito in prison for the next thirty years as regularly as you could? Would you cut off any contact with Carlito entirely and let Dave know you’re done?

You didn’t decide on either of those—not exactly. After all, nobody ever got in the middle of your relationship with Carlito nor did they even try.

Dave had no intention of helping you; he was considered infamous in the world of law after Carlito’s case and earned the title “mobster lawyer” after the media caught a whiff of just who Dave constantly kept representing in court.

Dave could be whatever the hell he wanted to be—you don’t care about him, but the last thing you’d ever want to think Carlito as is a mobster.

You had to sit there and watch your fiancé get handcuffed and taken away from you, starting a thirty-year prison sentence.

Carlito saw the pain, heartache, and betrayal in your eyes as he was pulled away from you after his trial ended because Carlito knew alone that he was the one who fucked up your relationship, held everything back, and lied to you.

Carlito knew too that the trial would have the most lasting impact on you; he knew he was going to jail, but he didn’t know how you’d react taking in all of this at once which is why Carlito expected you to come to visit him in prison so he could explain everything to you, but he also knew deep down you wouldn’t come and you shouldn’t either.

You were the world to Carlito and he knew then more than ever that he didn’t deserve you. Even if you hated Carlito, moved on, or found someone else, Carlito would come to find you thirty years later just to say sorry and explain what happened all that time ago simply because you deserved to hear the truth one way or another. Carlito owed you the truth, but you owed him nothing.

After everything and all those revelations, you weren’t going to let your heartache and emotions get the better of you; should you go see a liar in prison and risk being lied to some more? Visit a heroin dealer? Talk to a mobster?

There’s simply too much to mention, a lot to say, many questions without answers or ways to get them, and you’d never bother trying to get any reassurance from Dave who didn’t tell you a damn thing about Carlito’s case from the very beginning.

Carlito never called you or wrote letters on the other hand not because he didn’t want to, but because he wasn’t allowed; you believed the former.

‘I don’t care.’ What you aren’t going to do is run after Carlito and have him believe whatever he was doing was right.

You love Carlito to death which is more than enough of an explanation as to why you refuse to take off your engagement ring. You’re not living in denial, but you’re still madly in love with Carlito.

Your heart belongs to Carlito but vice versa holds true too. Thirty years won’t change that for either of you even if the other doesn’t know how one feels.

‘As long as I live… I know I’ll always love him.’ Knowing you, maybe you’ll still yearn and love Carlito in thirty years’ time with no care what all that passing time does to either of you.

For now, Carlito’s engagement remains over your finger perhaps as just another bittersweet reminder. Maybe one day you’ll be ready to take it off or replace it with someone else’s ring.

‘No. No, no..’ You know you could never do that—never want that.

‘Stop.’ Brushing the thought off of your mind immediately, you take a small sip of your cappuccino. ‘Stop thinking about this shit—not again.’

Today is Friday after all and you have the rest of the afternoon to yourself to relax after work; tonight is a planned girl’s night with your best friends—ready to drink and dance the night away at a club to welcome the weekend like you all regularly did.

It’s not the end of the world after all, even though some nights had you drowning in your own tears from missing Carlito and pretending he was lying next to you in bed.

Someway, somehow, sometime, you’ll have to move on eventually and that’s exactly what you thought you could have done about six months ago.

With much insistency and influence from your friends, you went on your first blind date and if you said you weren’t interested, it would have been a lie.

The guy you met up with that night for your date was fairly attractive and cute, and because of the jewelry you wore with several rings on your finger at the time, your date neither noticed nor questioned the diamond engagement ring on your finger.

Your date was fascinated and interested in you too much to look anywhere else, trying to make the best of the night you both had together.

As you two made conversation, you learned your date worked for a law firm and the two of you got along well from the beginning of the date to the end.

When the date ended, you refused any kissing or hugs—not that it was offered because you pulled away so quickly and you didn’t want him to drive you home either no matter how much he politely insisted.

Once you got into the back of your taxi, you were already in tears. Nothing wrong had happened during the date nor was it unpleasant in any way but you were adamant you would never do these silly blind dates again or even call this guy back.

Everything felt wrong like you were explicitly cheating on Carlito. No matter how many blind dates you went on and cuter guys you met, they would never be Carlito or anywhere close to the man you truly love.

Once you got home that night, you threw off every ring and piece of jewelry except for your engagement ring.

You still hate how after five years the pain can be so fresh at times, rushing to you all at once even when the topic of love is brought up in a conversation for example.

Your heart was set in stone knowing you would never love anyone else the way you loved Carlito; he left that much of a hole in your heart but ensnared you with his love in return.

You still believe Carlito’s your soulmate, but he’s a soulmate you refuse to see and speak to even if you wanted to.

To reach Carlito in the prison he was being held in was one tricky thing, but getting to and from there was dangerous enough, not to mention being constantly watched and searched by the prison guards if you even got there.

Carlito and Dave both knew how difficult the prison made it for visitors of any kind to come, but Carlito was willing to split mountains in two and make anything work so as long as you wanted to come to see him.

But for Carlito to know for sure you’d like to come to see visit him and speak with him in prison, he would have to ask you through Dave first.

[ 1988, 3 months after Carlito’s sentence ]

Sitting in Dave’s office with tears stinging in your eyes, holding down your bitter anger and keeping your gaze off of that “asshole with a law degree”, you’re here and only here because there’s something about Carlito.

‘Bastard made Carlito look like a mobster in front of everyone, but he forgets who he is. He’s a mobster’s favorite lawyer. He represents crooks, the corrupt, murderers, and every bit of filth in this town if it means he gets his five minutes of fame. Carlito is none of those things. He deserved better, point blank.’

Dave notices how you sit on the very edge of the couch, wanting to be as far away from his presence in Dave’s own office.

He gives you a welcoming smile, but you return a scowl, causing Dave to sigh softly in defeat and adjust his posture in his seat. “Evelyn, listen… I won’t take up too much of your time because I already know you can’t stand me.”

“That’s right.” You say back, staring at the carpet beneath your heels.

“Okay,” Dave sighs again, rubbing his temples. “I understand your frustration and—”

“I don’t want your sympathy.” You glare at the floor, forcing yourself not to look up at him. “What happened, happened, and you called me last night to tell me you had something about Carlito, so just talk already.”

Dave nods at you, holding his hands up in surrender. “Okay, okay, fair enough. It’s just a simple question really but uh—Carlito wanted me to ask you in person.”

You raise your eyes up from the ground for the first time in ten minutes, staring at Dave and waiting for him to get to the point already.

“Do you want to see Carlito?” Dave asks you.

“What kind of question is that?” You ask back, already feeling your heart begin to ache in your chest.

“I mean like in prison.” Dave clarifies, “do you want to visit him every now and then?”

“He’s the one asking?” You raise your brows.

“Well, yes.” Dave nods, confirming. “He wanted an answer for himself.”

“And I want the answers to a lot of things too, boo hoo.” You say back sarcastically, getting up from your seat before your emotions get the better of you. “Like why you kept Carlito’s case away from me, why Carlito lied to me about almost everything—”

“Evelyn, please.” Dave quickly rises up from his seat in an attempt to reassure you. “All of what I could have told you is and was confidential! You know I can’t tell you these things, or anyone—”

“You’re just as bad as him.” You point an accusing finger at Dave. “No, by the way. No, I don’t want to see Carlito again and you can tell him that. Don’t ever ask me this again!” You throw open the door to Dave’s office, gritting your teeth out of frustration.

“And don’t call me again either, do you understand?! I only tolerated you because Carlito called you his friend, whatever good that did him. Carlito isn’t here anymore and yes, I do blame you for much of that. I want nothing to do with you, Dave. Nothing! I don’t care if you’re New York’s next hotshot lawyer, you’re nothing to me just as you did nothing worthwhile for Carlito!” Just like that, you make your exit by slamming Dave’s office door shut behind you.

Dave grimaces, staring down at his office desk glumly before his eyes wander down to the hidden telephone on call under his desk that you aren’t aware of.

As Dave can no longer hear your footsteps or anybody’s presence around his office for that matter, he leans down to pick up the telephone and put it back on the corner of his desk. “Did you hear that?”

“Yes, I did,” Carlito answers on the other end. “She’s upset, Dave. It’s normal. I expected this much.”

“Yeah, me too. Dave murmurs. “She’s…something.”

“Everything’s already gone to hell.” Carlito sighs deeply. “I don’t want Evelyn to hate me, but it might be too late for that.”

“So, what do you want me to do?” Dave slouches back down in his office seat.

“Get someone to her,” Carlito suggests. “You know what I’m talking about. I want protection for Evelyn, however, you can get it and I want that someone doing so being the most reliable, subtle guy you’ve got. Keep an eye on her, see who she’s with and where she is. I just want her to be safe, happy, and healthy but don’t get me wrong when I say this—I don’t want my lady stalked, do you understand me?”

“Yeah man, I get it. That’s a good idea actually.” Dave nods to himself.

“I care for her.” Carlito continues, “and I don’t give a damn how many years the judge said I gotta rot in here for, I just want to know if my baby’s gonna be alright. Long as I know that it’s gonna keep me sane in here.”

~

Since that day and not at all to your knowledge, Carlito had one of his men follow and track your every move.

Just as Carlito wished, it wasn’t that you were “stalked” but that one of Carlito’s bodyguards who had worked with Carlito and known him for years in the ‘business’ just kept a watchful eye on you and nothing else.

You were followed from afar at an appropriate distance and Carlito’s bodyguard changed cars very often so as not to give away his identity or have you notice him in the slightest.

As a result, it was impossible for you to tell in any way that someone was following and watching you, and at the same time, you didn’t feel that way either.

Carlito’s bodyguard had one job and only job only: keep an eye on you, see who you were with, where you were and if you were safe. Anything notable was to be mentioned like for example if you fell ill and went to see a doctor so Carlito would be notified of everything.

This way, Carlito felt that he could still be with you knowing what was going on in your life and when you’d come home for the night, the bodyguard would park with another associate outside—taking turns during the night keeping watch.

More than anything, you were just protected ever since, because it had nothing to do with a lack of trust for you or suspicion but that Carlito cared for you deeply, and knowing he couldn’t see you physically or even hear your voice over the phone was agonizing enough and in prison, Carlito had very few reasons to be happy.

As long as you—Carlito’s girl—whom Carlito still considered his fiancée—was happy and safe, then all could and would be considered alright in Carlito’s world.

Today, however, everything’s different because Carlito’s a free man—something you personally don’t know, but Carlito will make sure you come to find out before anything else.

Carlito’s not a free man today because he had a strong, credible alibi or that he appealed his sentence only to provide full proof and evidence clearing his name, but Dave exploited Carlito’s sentence on a legal technicality.

If it was one thing Dave did well in his cases, it was exploiting the fuck out of them to make sure his clients no matter how corrupt, guilty, or murderous they were, got out one way or another.

Carlito’s a free man and nothing else matters, including Dave’s unorthodox and immortal ways.

While you spent your morning routine earlier today getting ready for work, Carlito was back in court with a very displeased judge sitting in front of him not buying the “I changed” bullshit speech Carlito was telling him.

Still, today’s Carlito’s day, and nobody else stands a chance; all have no choice but to finally hear Carlito out.

Carlito didn’t care who believed what he said or what others thought of him now. Carlito knows he’s a changed man and he had to be, especially if he wants to get his old life back without crime and be a better man for you above all things.

Having a lot of truthful explaining to do to you is a priority to Carlito and it’s not something to be taken lightly and done over a phone call or a letter.

Carlito knows he needs to see you in person as soon as possible and without Dave being there. Carlito wants to make it all happen tonight on his first day out—all business and all truth finally settled for good.

After five years of dreaming about your face and touching you in his dreams, Carlito’s not going to wait a day longer when he knows now it’s in his control to finally see you.

Still, released out of prison or not today, that doesn’t mean Dave intends on breaking his word with you. Dave still refuses to talk to you about Carlito or tell you anything about him just as you asked, but it’s Carlito’s ex-girlfriend before you—Gail—whose been constantly calling and visiting Dave’s office wanting updates and just about anything she could get out of Dave about Carlito recently.

You knew who Gail was but not very well—bumping into her on the street after her dance lessons when Carlito was by your side a few years ago.

Gail knew then that you were Carlito’s girlfriend and she didn’t do anything to interfere or protest that fact, nor did she actively seek out Carlito’s comfort.

The only thing Dave let slip out of his mouth to Gail was that you and Carlito technically weren’t together anymore since Carlito was in jail, and Gail was just the perfect naïve type to believe Carlito would not only be out sooner than the thirty-year sentence he was served but that she could have a chance to rekindle her relationship with Carlito too.

Carlito would have never thought Gail would assume or want such things, but he did know one thing: Carlito’s answer was and always is going to be “no” unless it had something to do with you.

If it’s one thing Carlito has an abundance of still and without any doubts is money. Everything Carlito owned before he went to jail was all very legal in property and investments, and Dave had assured Carlito it would all be there.

Nobody could tell Carlito otherwise when it comes to his bars and clubs that he knows he’ll be coming to see one by one over the next few weeks to pick up his revenue and keep an eye on things as Carlito’s life returns to a steady normal.

The only thing that changed tonight was that on his last watch, Carlito’s bodyguard let him know you and your girlfriends were planning on going to a specific club Carlito owns tonight at 10 PM.

It’s the very nightclub Carlito co-owns with that gambling addict Saso, and if anything you’re completely unaware Carlito owns the club let alone has anything to do with it; just another thing Carlito needs to explain to you once he finally gets to see and talk to you.

Carlito’s mind is set: he’s going to see you tonight and will be at the club before you.

“Ten PM,” Carlito confirms, tapping his finger against his watch. “Evelyn will be there without a doubt.”

“Finally going to go see her, eh?” Dave pours two half cups of whiskey on the other side of his office. “And not a minute too soon.”

“She’s the only person I’ve wanted to see for the past five years.” Carlito lets out a drawn-out sigh, rising from his seat. “I’m not doing that shit on the streets no more and you know, I know it,” Carlito points at his chest. “And for Evelyn, I gotta start tonight. She won’t believe a word I say now, and I can’t blame her.”

“You’ll figure it out, man.” Dave hands Carlito a glass of whiskey, holding his. “You always do, but you’ve got other things to worry about too.”

“Yeah?” Carlito takes the glass of whiskey from Dave, raising curious brows before drinking it.

“Gail.” Dave points out, taking a sip of his whiskey.

“What about her?” Carlito licks off a drop of whiskey from his lips.

“That pretty little thing,” Dave chuckles, knowing he’s attracted to Carlito’s ex-girlfriend a little too much.

“What about her?” Carlito asks again, clearly unphased by Dave’s behavior.

“She knows your back in town,” Dave points out, “and she’ll definitely want to see you. I’m only surprised Gail hasn’t called me a hundred more times to ask where you’ll be. What do you want me to tell her? You know she’ll come knocking any day now.”

“Gail…” Carlito murmurs, a little irritated by her constant insistence to see and hear from him. “I’ll see her again sometime but differently. On my terms, and as friends. I don’t know what she’s thinking, but…” Carlito glances inside his whiskey glass, taking another sip. “I don’t wanna lead her on because there is no Gail and me, Dave.”

“Mhmm.” Dave nods, pressing his lips together. “Guess whatever was going on, went on in the past, huh?”

“Just that,” Carlito confirms, finishing his drink and setting the empty glass down. “Whatever she wants to call it now, I’m really not interested. She’s just an old friend to me now so—” Carlito walks towards Dave’s office door, gesturing to his phone. “Maybe keep her wondering where I am for now. I’m busy tonight.”

“Yeah man, don’t worry.” Dave begins to head back to his office desk. “Enjoy yourself tonight. You’re a free man after all, and you deserve it.”

“I appreciate it.” Carlito gives Dave a small wave before exiting his office.

Carlito Brigante didn’t say the words “I changed” in front of his appeal trial to appease the jury or the judge, but because he believes it himself to his very core.

Five years locked up inside has changed Carlito and for the better, reminding him that he’s going to do nothing dishonest, forget the streets, and clear his name no matter what reputation he holds now and you’ll be the first to hear about it all—truthfully.

~

Getting ready for tonight before you meet up with your girls and carpool to the club wanting to do nothing but drink and dance for the rest of the evening, you stand in front of your full-body mirror across from the foot of your bed and admire your sultry outfit for tonight.

Dressed in a mini, sequin, strapless black dress, you smoothen out the sides of your outfit and turn around before the mirror, admiring the way the sequin pieces sparkle as light reflects over it.

It’s the perfect, sexy outfit to wear tonight hugging you in all the right places but providing the perfect amount of comfort to sit and dance in a crowd all night; sleek, sexy, and effortless.

You reach down, adjusting your new, black platform heels over your feet and beginning to appreciate how wearing heels over the years to practically any occasion you could get away with has taught you how to comfortably dance in six or even seven-inch heels if you wanted to.

Moving back to your vanity table, you add another layer of mascara over your lashes but ultimately keep your makeup light for tonight, knowing you’ll practically sweat it off dancing anyways.

Checking the time on your night table and knowing the cab will pull up in front of your apartment any minute now, you grab your matching black sequin purse and sling it over your shoulder—ready to start your Friday night.

Purposefully arriving before you, Carlito steps out of his cab, and without bothering to take a look around him or waste another moment, Carlito walks directly inside his club.

Saso may have run this place (surprisingly not to the ground) when Carlito couldn’t for the past five years but nothing changes, and certainly not the ownership as Carlito’s come to collect and see just how honest his favorite gambling addict’s really been during his absence.

Dressed in a three-piece black suit with a muted shade of purple for a dress shirt and without a tie, the rest of Carlito’s semi-formal look for tonight is topped off with his signature all-gold jewelry; an 18k gold chain link bracelet, a matching wristwatch, and a pinky ring set in a square with a black stone.

If you don’t see Carlito coming, you can certainly pick up on the scent of his expensive cologne bound to raise the attention of some curious eyes passing by.

The packed club blaring with loud dance music as servers desperately try not to get their tray of expensive drinks knocked over and make it to tables in one piece to serve their patrons aside is one of the first things Carlito sees upon entering.

With everything looking relatively normal and routine, Carlito knows the club will carry on this way until at least 4 AM.

“Hey, boss!” Pachanga—one of Carlito’s most trusted bodyguards—calls out. “Ah, man, there you are.” Pachanga grins, standing before Carlito and patting his shoulder. “Came early just to see you bossman when I heard you were comin’ out.”

Things like rekindling or reminiscing over the past are far beyond Carlito who knew he’d come back to have everything under his control and ownership get right back to him—men and bodyguards included.

“Where’s Saso?” Carlito asks, shutting down any further opportunity for small talk.

“Over there, boss.” Pachanga points upstairs to the second level of the club, just towards the office.

Saso adjusts his tie in front of one of the mirrors on the wall, getting some much-needed space from the sweaty crowds around him.

“What do you think?” Carlito’s eyes dart from the sight of Saso back to Pachanga. “Think the old fuck’s gambled away all my money?”

“Not if he values his life, boss.” Pachanga chuckles, beginning to crack his knuckles. “But lemme know because I ain’t come empty-handed. Maybe we can cut it out of him.”

“We’ll see,” Carlito murmurs, beginning to head up the stairs to get to Saso.

Just as Carlito makes it upstairs and is a mere few steps behind Saso, Saso can make out his old boss’ reflection in the mirror he’s looking in which causes him to gasp and stumble back before turning around to face Carlito.

“So you already know what this is about.” Carlito raises both of his brows at the terrified-looking Saso before him. “No welcome back party for me or anything? Where’s my money, Saso?”

“I told you I wouldn’t spend it, boss.” Saso shakes his head frantically, “a-and I didn’t! I didn’t!” Saso points to the office door behind Carlito. “I kept it in the safe after all this time, y-you know! I only took a little bit to keep things smooth and running, b-but nothing else, I promise!”

“Why so scared then, old man?” Pachanga smirks, purposefully dragging the handle of his switchblade against the staircase railing as he walks up.

Saso’s terrified expression is now equally shared towards Carlito and Pachanga. “W-well, last time you come in here, you threaten to cut my liver out in front of e-everybody! Here!” Saso pulls out the office keys from the pocket of his trousers, handing them to Carlito shakily.

“That was five years ago,” Carlito points out, quick to take the keys away from Saso.

“N-no way you’ll change your mind now that you’re back, then.” Saso swallows hard.

“It’s better off this way.” Carlito rolls his eyes before pointing a finger at Saso. “Now, I’m gonna go into my office and take a look at my money. If anything’s missing or I see you skimmed off too much, I’m gonna cut the rest of your organs out with your liver, do you understand me?”

“Y-yes,” Saso stutters.

“Good.” Carlito narrows his eyes, gesturing to Pachanga. “Watch him. I don’t want the old fuck out of my sight if things go wrong. He might bolt.”

“Got it, boss.” Pachanga grins back at Saso, taking a few steps up to get closer. “Let’s spend some quality time together, huh?”

Carlito turns on his heel, approaching the office door and unlocking it. Once he steps inside and flicks on the lights, he sees nothing’s changed; not the furniture or even its arrangement—everything’s left the exact same way it was.

Carlito locks the office door behind him and moves to close the blinds of the office windows first.

Because of how well-kept and clean the office appears, Carlito already assumes Saso hasn’t stepped foot in here for five years either.

Keeping quiet and focused, Carlito uses the same combination to the safe before popping it open. Inside, Carlito notices massive stacks of cash just as he expected, and simply from eyeballing it, Carlito estimates there’s possibly about half a million dollars in here.

Only impressed by the amount, Carlito reaches in and takes out two stacks of cash—running his fingers through the money and counting it.

‘All hundreds. Solid, banded up.’ Carlito notes before putting the money back inside the safe and shutting it tight.

Carlito begins to change the combination on the safe; this is his money, always will be, and always has been.

Now that Carlito’s around to oversee the club’s operations and earnings, the cash will come to his hands before it ever reaches a safe.

The money inside the case is all for you and Carlito; the future he wants to settle on and have with you after all.

“Hey, boss!” Pachanga knocks on the office door, calling out.

“Yeah, what is it?” Carlito says back, still busy with changing the combination.

“I’m keeping our friend Saso here company but I just wanted to let ya know, your lady friend is here with some girls!”

Carlito pauses, staring at the numbers on the combination lock. Of course, he knows you’re coming tonight but now that you’re actually here, it’s a different story altogether.

“Where is she?” Carlito asks, finishing up with the combination.

“Just downstairs on the dancefloor, boss! Uhhh, she has a corner seat and waved to me when she got here.”

‘Evelyn waved at you…?’ Carlito furrows his brows, brushing off his hands. “I’ll deal with it.”

“And is Saso good to go, boss? Or is liver on the menu tonight?” Pachanga snickers.

“Yeah, let the old man go but not before reminding him whose office and money this is now. I don’t wanna see his face again tonight.” Carlito orders, moving towards the windows of the office.

“Will do, boss. Will do!” Pachanga moves away from the office door and back towards Saso.

‘Who…?’ Carlito peeks through the closed blinds, looking towards the center of the dancefloor, then to the corner seat Pachanga directed to.

Instead of seeing you sitting there much to Carlito’s anticipation, he instead sees Gail sitting next to Stephanie and another girl that Carlito doesn’t recognize; friends of Gail’s nonetheless.

A deep sense of disappointment hits Carlito at seeing Gail sitting there instead of you, but he can’t exactly ignore Gail here either.

You’re still on your way to the club with your friends but Carlito knows you’re not here yet and that’s enough for him.

Carlito sighs deeply, adjusting his tie before unlocking his office door and stepping out. He gives Pachanga an acknowledging nod before Carlito walks down the stairs and to where Gail sits.

Carlito knows the club of all places isn’t the best place to answer Gail’s incessant questions he knows will come, but Carlito may just be able to have Gail finally take a hint about how he feels about her.

Within a few minutes, your cab finally pulls up to the front of the club where you arrive with your girlfriends.

All of you can already see how packed the club is from the outside alone, leaving no room to look around and get distracted by the scenery.

Staying close to all of your friends, you three make your way straight to the bar to start with some drinks and warm up before hitting the dancefloor for the rest of the night.

Neither you nor Carlito sees one another in the club, but the two of you aren’t far from each other either.

“Hi ladies, what can I get for you all tonight?” The bartender asks as you all take a seat on the stools next to each other.

“One round of tequila for me, please!”

“Bloody Mary, please. God, I’ve always wanted to try one of those!”

“And for you, miss?” The bartender turns to you with a smile.

You lean your elbows onto the bar table, smiling back politely. “I’ll take a cosmopolitan.”

Over on the other side of the club, as the bartender prepares you and your friends’ drinks, Carlito stands before Gail’s table who is more than ecstatic to look up and see him.

“Charlie!” Gail exclaims happily, practically jumping up from her seat to embrace Carlito.

“Gail, hey.” Carlito smiles, putting his hands over her shoulders gently.

Gail giggles, cupping Carlito’s cheeks. “I knew you’d be here!”

“Did Dave tell you?” Carlito chuckles.

“Yes,” Gail nods back excitedly, “but only because I asked and asked and asked until he couldn’t keep quiet anymore ‘cause are you kidding me? You’re finally out and I get to see you, Charlie! How could I not come?”

“My first day already and it seems like everyone wants to see me.” Carlito places both of his hands on top of Gail’s, taking her hands off of his cheeks but squeezing them gently.

“I’m here for you and you only.” Gail tugs on Carlito’s arm to lead him to her table. “Food and drinks on the table, come! Come join me! I’ve got my friends here too but oh, they’d love to meet you. You’re all I’ve been talking about! Oh, you’ve no idea how much I’ve missed you!”

“I’ve missed you too honey, but now’s not a good time, you know?” Carlito doesn’t move from his spot.

“Why not?” Gail looks back at Carlito over her shoulder. “You didn’t go see your girlfriend first, so I just thought…” Gail looks towards the bar, watching you sip your cocktail next to your friends. “I thought Evelyn saw me at least, but she didn’t even come to say hi.”

Carlito’s eyes widen as he spots you by the bar, but Gail attempts to grab his attention again.

“Well, come on.” Gail beams, hugging Carlito’s arm. “At least stay with us for a while. Evelyn’s not going anywhere, is she?”

It’s right then and there that you turn your head to the side while relaxing with your cocktail that you spot Carlito and Gail across the bar, staring back at you.

‘Carlito!?’ You almost drop your cocktail from the shock of seeing Carlito there alone, and your heart instantly races in your chest in response. ‘No… But he’s in jail, right? Or was he ever?’

Carlito most certainly doesn’t look like a man who's gotten out of prison at all.

Shocked and frozen in spot, your environment blurs around you and you can no longer feel the heat of the crowd packed around you or even hear the music blaring around you.

The tips of your ears and the nape of your neck burn and prickle from the shock, but from a betrayed-like feeling and confusion—all trying to make sense as to how Carlito is here.

Carlito makes eye contact with you for only a split second before you put down your cocktail and immediately disappear into the crowd.

“Evelyn!? Girl, where are you going?” You can hear your friends calling out from behind you, but you ignore them, ducking and moving through the crowd until you get to the women’s washroom.

You duck right before you get near the women’s washroom, making it look like you’ve gone in to hide.

In reality, you’re holding your tears back and rushing to the very end of the club right up until you feel someone grab you by both of your hips, stopping you.

You squeal, feeling the firm pair of hands turning you around. You spin to see Carlito holding onto you, staring at you with wide eyes filled with anticipation. “Evelyn!”

“What are you—” In shock, you attempt to pull away from Carlito.

“Where are you going? I’ve been looking for you all night—” Carlito only tightens his grip on you.

“All night?” You breathe, instantly feeling a rush of anger come over you as tears sting your eyes. “Welcome back, Carlito. Was I going to be the first to find out you’re out of jail?! Or were you not going to bother to come to me until I saw you with Gail there—huh?!”

“Is that all that you saw?” Carlito sighs, “baby, don’t be like this—”

“Don’t call me baby!” You cry out, swatting Carlito’s hands off of you. “You’re a liar! I can’t even believe you’re here right now! Oh my God. When did you get out and why didn’t you tell me—”

“I got out TODAY!” Carlito emphasizes, trying to convince and reassure you.

“You got out today and you’re at a club?” You scoff, unconvinced. “You expect me to believe that bullshit?”

“Yes, because I also expect you to believe that this is my club. I own it.” Carlito stares at you, waiting for a response.

“What?” You mumble, furrowing your brows in confusion.

“This?” Carlito extends out his arms, gesturing around the packed nightclub. “This is all mine. I own this club, legally. I’m too old to come up here dancing and drinking and you know that. Now, will you please come with me?”

“Where?” You feel your throat tightening and a sense of guilt beginning to hit you.

“To my office, upstairs.” Carlito points up. “Come on, come with me, please. I have so much to tell you.”

On the verge of tears, your hands begin to tremble. “Carlito…” You still can’t register to yourself that your fiancée is here right here and now, having no idea what’s going on yet at the same time feeling like you’re about to have a nervous breakdown.

Carlito gently wraps an arm around your waist as you nod at him glumly, looking away. He pulls you through the crowds and leads you upstairs without having a single person bump into you.

Gail looks up from where she sits wither friends, watching Carlito’s protective and loving hand remain over your hips as he guides you to his office—leaving her all alone tonight.

Gail frowns but pretends it doesn’t bother her, looking away. She’ll get through the evening by continuing to eat and drink as she said to Carlito she would.

As you come upstairs, you see Pachanga—one of Carlito’s old bodyguards or more so known to you as just a “good friend” or “Carlito’s assistant”—smiling at you like he’s been waiting to see you all night too.

You really begin to believe now that you’re not having some sort of fever dream but that everything’s about to make sense—or at least you desperately hope so—on Carlito’s behalf tonight.

Carlito opens his office door and you practically stumble inside, still staring at him in disbelief as he locks the door behind you—leaving the two of you alone from the heat of the club face to face for the first time in five years.

Carlito turns around, letting out a soft sigh. In your eyes, he sees hate, betrayal, and a million questions—nothing relieved or reassured whatsoever but it’s what Carlito’s been expecting from you for the past five years, righteously. Carlito’s presence means nothing now without answers.

“Baby, listen.” Carlito puts his hands up, taking a step towards you.

You immediately step back, raising both of your brows at him. “Who are you referring to—me or Gail? The first person you really went to see as soon as you got out of prison, Carlito like I’m still supposed to believe all of this.”

“You think I’d lie to you?” Carlito frowns. “What do I have to do to—” But Carlito catches himself on how ridiculous that question would sound now considering he did lie to you almost religiously for years on end.

“Because you’re a liar!” You scowl, crossing your arms. “Because you lied to me for years and will do so again so I don’t believe a goddamn word that comes out of your mouth nor will I again.”

“Then why did you come up here with me?” Carlito raises a brow, asking you.

You stare back at Carlito, feeling tears pooling up in the corners of your eyes before you shake your head. “Goddamn you, Carlito.”

“What are you really upset about, Evelyn?” Carlito begins to approach you again slowly and this time you don’t back away—tears streaming down your cheeks. “Because if you ask me, the only fucking thing I care about is you, not whoever else decides to approach me at the club because they pestered my lawyer to find out where I was. I know you didn’t want to hear anything about me, Evelyn, but how could I get to you in another way?”

“If you’re out…” You swallow hard, “then why wouldn’t call me or come to my apartment today?”

“Because you’re here.” Carlito points to the ground.

“How did you know that?” You squint your eyes at him, growing suspicious.

“That’s not important.” Carlito shakes his head. “What’s important is that—”

“No!” You push Carlito’s hand away from you again. “Don’t touch me. Don’t touch me, okay? You owe me too many answers and apologies before you can even think of laying a finger on me.”

“Okay, okay, honey.” Carlito shows you his hands, moving back and respecting your space. “At least hear me out, please. I know that’s the only damn thing you’ve wanted to do for five years now and I was fuckin’ dying to talk to you too.”

“Yeah?” You sniffle, looking at Carlito with teary eyes and only feeling all the worse for cutting off all contact related to him.

“But like I said…” Carlito paces around his office before opening up the mini fridge near the corner of the room. “I knew you were upset and angry with me. You have all the right to be, I won’t tell you how to feel or what to do.” Carlito takes out a bottle of coke and whiskey, setting it down on the counter.

“Right…” You bat away your tears, watching him.

“I know it.” Carlito shuts the mini fridge door, standing back up and taking the two liquor glasses on the counter, beginning to prepare drinks throughout his conversation. “Firstly… There’s nothing between Gail and me. She called and wrote to me in prison but what good did that do her? Or better yet—” Carlito opens the can of coke, adding an equal amount to both cups. “What did it change? Nothing. Her coming to see me tonight is a surprise, considering I told Dave to keep his mouth shut because I knew this would happen but there is nothing between Gail and me, baby.” Carlito looks back over at you, “and there will be nothing. You know how she gets.”

You watch as Carlito adds the whiskey over top of the coke, giving the drinks a quick stir before holding both glasses in his hands and turning to you. “But like I said, this place? I own it. It’s my club. She knows that too, but it’s public knowledge. You can look it up for yourself too, you don’t have to take my word for it.”

“Maybe I wasn’t planning on it,” you murmur, keeping your arms crossed.

“I think you were.” Carlito walks over to you, handing you a drink.

“How would you know?” Curious as to how Carlito will answer this one, you take the drink from him.

“Because of this.” Carlito points to your engagement ring, causing your cheeks to flare up scarlet from blush and embarrassment. “You know I haven’t forgotten about that either. That I don’t consider it any other way.”

“You still think I’m your fiancée?” You’re surprised you can even get that sentence out without breaking down into tears again.

“Yes actually, I do.” Carlito reaffirms. “Now or in thirty years, I still do.”

“You actually expect me to believe that too, don’t you?” Another tear slides down your cheek, and you’ve never been more relieved for wearing waterproof makeup tonight.

“I do.” Carlito extends out his free hand for you to take. “Because I know damn well you wouldn’t have stood in here for a second with me if you didn’t believe me. You wouldn’t wear that ring knowing what it means to both of us and our relationship and because you know I’m here for you with nothing else standing in the way of what we had and what we have. Nobody’s ruining that for me. Not tonight, not ever.” Carlito notices your eyes widening as you listen to him. “Whatever damage I caused between us was my doing, Evelyn. I wouldn’t show you my face if I wasn’t a changed man ready, to tell the truth. I don’t have the right to beg for your forgiveness but I am begging you to hear me out, baby. Please.”

You take Carlito’s hand, squeezing it and nodding in understanding. “O-okay.”

“Come here, baby.” Carlito leads you to the seats in his office, gesturing for you to sit.

You take your seat on an armchair next to his, taking a shaky sip of your drink to ease your nerves.

Carlito gets comfortable in his seat, putting his drink down on the coffee table in front of the two of you.

You squeeze your eyes shut and give out a little sigh before you begin to speak. “You were gone.” You force yourself not to cry any further. “Just like that, you were gone and everything we had was gone too. Drugs, Carlito. Really?” You open your eyes again, staring at Carlito in disappointment. “The streets run red with blood because of these things and yet you lied to me about everything you did.”

“Not everything.” Carlito corrects you. “I told you everything I could but at the end of the day, I was living the fast life before we even met. You know more than Gail would ever know, even in the past. I wanted you to know more—trust me—but you know that kind of lifestyle—”

“The fast life.” You repeat.

“Not for me.” Carlito takes his drink off the coffee table, sipping it as he leans back into his seat.

Just the look in Carlito’s eyes to you now is filled with nothing but desire—yearning and dying to touch you but Carlito can still feel the cold distance between the two of you, upsetting Carlito more than you could know.

“I know.” You nod slowly. “Even though that asshole attorney of yours wouldn’t tell me anything, I figured enough for myself. That’s not you, Carlito.”

“I’m done,” Carlito tells you with more than enough belief in his own words. “I’m done and I don’t care whether the judge bought what I said or not because it’s the truth. I changed. I’m a changed man, I’m not getting caught up in this shit anymore. You can see it for yourself, baby. I’m retired. What I have now is what. This is enough for me.” Carlito swallows down another sip of his drink, looking at you with anticipation next. “And I want to start over again with you, however you want it.”

“You don’t have to start over.” You put your drink down, rising up from your seat and standing in front of Carlito.

For a moment there, Carlito believes you’re about to leave his office just like that, but you don’t.

You remain in front of him waiting, and you notice how Carlito begins to gaze up and down your sequin dress and body. “I missed you so much, Evelyn.” Carlito takes your hand in his, lacing his fingers in between yours. “Just understand this: I would do whatever to have you and me back the way we were before all of this. Anything. It’s all on me.”

“I don’t want to start over with you, Carlito.” You let out a shaky breath, feeling nothing but love, trust, lust, affection, and everything you ever felt for Carlito in these past five years rush back to you.

“You’re still my fiancée.” Carlito reminds you, running his finger over your engagement ring. “Come here, please. Let me touch you. Let me show you how much I’ve missed you.”

Holding back more tears, you toss your purse off of your shoulder and back to the armchair before getting on Carlito’s lap—letting your thighs rest over the arms of the seat.

Carlito embraces you tightly as the two of you hug one another and you lose the battle between your tears, bursting out into sobs over Carlito’s shoulder instantly. “I missed you so fucking much, you have no idea.”

“Oh, baby…” Carlito murmurs, rubbing up and down your back tenderly. “Believe me, I know. Locked up for five damn years without you.” Carlito pulls you back gently, cupping your cheeks with both hands before planting gentle kisses on both cheeks and then kissing your lips.

Your eyes flutter shut in response as you kiss Carlito back deeply, both of you tasting whiskey off of each other’s lips.

“Will you come home with me?” You ask softly once you pull away from the kiss.

“Yes, of course, baby.” Carlito nods. “You know I’m not spending another moment here I don’t need to without you. I came here for you, you know.”

“Mmm…” You peek down to watch as Carlito rubs your palms up and down with his; your eyes admiring his gold link bracelet and the ring over his pinky finger. “Still can’t believe it.”

“I’m here for you baby, I’m here,” Carlito reassures you, keeping his voice low and soft. “And I’ll prove it to you as much as you want me to.”

“Just…” You hiccup, your bottom lip trembling. “Can you just hold me, please? I haven’t held you for so long that n-none of this feels real. I j-just—” You shake your head, clutching onto Carlito’s shoulders. “I just can’t believe so please just—just hold me.”

“Yeah baby, yeah.” Carlito pulls you tightly in his embrace as you rest your head over his shoulder, refusing to let go. “You know, I could hardly believe it myself when I got the hell out of there. You were all I thought about every single day.” Carlito rubs you back in lazy circles, kissing the side of your neck gently. “I dreamt and fantasized about this day for years.”

“God, Carlito…” You whimper, feeling the warmth and safety of your fiancée down to the heavenly scent of his cologne that all remind you you’re not dreaming but that Carlito is here with you.

“We have a lot to talk about, baby.” Carlito strokes your hair gently. “I wanna talk to you and nobody but you. I wanna hear more about you than me.”

“Come home with me.” You slowly pull back, pulling on Carlito’s hand.

“I don’t wanna be here anymore, just come home with me.”

“Alright, baby.” Carlito agrees. “Let’s go then.” He pushes a curtain of your hair behind your ear. “Come out the back exit with me, I don’t want anyone else bothering us for the rest of the evening. We’ll just go home—”

“And stay home.” You insist.

‘Not just for you to spend the night with me only to disappear in the morning.’

“I’m yours anyways, Evelyn,” Carlito tells you. “I’m not going anywhere unless you want me to.”

~

Despite being able to leave from the back entrance of the club unseen and without any unwarranted attention, everything still feels dream-like and a blur to you.

Pachanga drives you and Carlito home and the car ride is filled with nothing but silence—Carlito holding your hand and you continuing to take in his presence next to you.

Your mind continues to buzz with questions and although you love Carlito without a doubt, there are still so many questions unanswered and unresolved that it makes you all the more anxious and uneasy not knowing what just happened to your fiancée.

Throughout the car ride, you know your mind isn’t going to figure out what it wants until you get back to your apartment at least.

When you step out of the car, your legs feel like concrete as you unlock the apartment lobby door and lead Carlito up to your suite.

Carlito can still tell you’re visibly upset just by watching your body language, but he neither stops you nor says anything.

Both of you know the two you need to be home with all the privacy you can have to be transparent and honest with each other further, but it’s different.

From the very moment you both get into your apartment, it’s not a matter of sighing and getting drinks to sit down and have a few hours long of serious conversation but as soon as you both step in, take off your shoes and you set your purse aside, you both turn around to face each other by the door.

“Carlito,” you let out a shaky breath, placing your hand over his chest.

Dying to touch you, talk to you, be with you again, and hating himself for everything else aside, Carlito’s drawn to you like a magnet.

You both find yourselves in each other’s embrace once again, kissing feverishly as if it’ll be the last time you do so.

Your lips ache and throb to feel Carlito’s over them again and again—desperate and still in love.

“Carlito,” you manage to whimper throughout the kiss as Carlito picks you up effortlessly, wrapping your thighs around his waist and giving your ass a squeeze before taking you to your bedroom.

Carlito doesn’t take his eyes, lips, or hands off of you as he does so and you’re just as insistent as him by the way you squeeze your thighs around Carlito’s waist.

Carlito lays you down on your bed without moving off of you, tugging off your sequin dress as you continue to lose yourself in the haze of the kiss you both share.

Before you know it, clothes are quickly being thrown off and there’s a sense of lustful aggressiveness in the bedroom until Carlito’s fully naked and throwing off your dress and panties to the side like nothing.

“Carlito…” You gasp, snapping back to reality as your breasts jiggle and spring free, leaving you and Carlito naked and completely vulnerable with each other.

You both look into each other’s eyes, breathing heavily as Carlito places both of his hands over your hips. “You don’t know anything…” Carlito begins to run his hands up and down the sides of your body. “How I feel for you, how everything I do has always been for you.”

You run your hands through Carlito’s dark, silky hair before cupping his cheeks. “You have a lot to make up to me, you know that…?” You breathe hotly over Carlito’s lips.

“Yeah?” Carlito whispers, growing further aroused by the passing second.

“You can start now.” You pull Carlito in closer to him, pressing your lips against his in a wet, full-mouthed kiss.

Your body yearns and begs for every bit of Carlito’s touch, obsessed with the way his hands work to arouse, tease and please you.

Through half-open, lazy eyes distracted by arousal and the scent of sex filling the room, you see Carlito pumping his cock to prepare himself to make up for missing your intimacy these past five years—only scratching the surface tonight.

Panting and quivering through arousal as both of your bodies collide with one another, you tug and pull on Carlito’s hair—letting your hands roam down his shoulders and muscular back.

“You’re mine…” Carlito smacks both of your thighs, firmly squeezing them before his hands find your ass.

“Mm! Yes!” You breathe out, feeling that spark of arousal and passionate fire light inside of you just at the sight of Carlito kissing up and down your body, adoring every inch of your skin.

“Fuck,” Carlito hisses out, the sexual tension only continues to rage between the two of you as his lips close in for another kiss over yours.

Your pussy throbs in response to the shaft of his cock slicking up against it and your arousal only doubles throughout the teasing foreplay.

Keeping eye contact, Carlito slowly slips to fingers inside your mouth and watches as you eagerly suck and wet them.

‘Oh my God, please.’ You watch as Carlito pops his fingers out of your mouth before moving his hand down and rubbing them gingerly over your clit before swirling them around your entrance.

You surprise yourself by moaning as loud as you have, gyrating your hips forward to Carlito as he applies just enough pressure to make you squirm.

Carlito licks off his fingers eagerly before beginning to press his thumbs down on the creases of your inner thigh, spreading your pussy open slowly before he presses his fingers against your entrance once more.

“More, m-more, more,” you moan breathily as you feel Carlito slowly snake a finger inside of you, curling it inward. “Oh God, yes…”

As Carlito begins to finger you, he hovers over your body and grazes his tongue against your bottom lip, feeling you writher in pleasure underneath him.

Carlito uses his thumb to lazily circle over your dewy clit while continuing to finger you, keeping his free hand tangled in your hair to exert dominance over you.

Whimpering back in Carlito’s mouth, you feel him gently bite at your bottom lip and slowly pull it towards him before he re-enters your mouth with his tongue, kissing you again.

But before you can even get enough of the heated kiss, Carlito’s quick to pull away and keep you waiting.

Stunned and confused, you watch as Carlito pulls his fingers out of you and cups your ass to raise your thighs up only to bury his face immediately onto your pussy, slobbering all over it.

“Ohhhh my God!” You shriek, clutching the bedsheets so tightly that your knuckles strain white.

You can feel all of Carlito’s tongue pressed up against the folds of your pussy, licking and slurping upwards to your clit.

“Carlito! YES, YES!” Moaning louder and louder, you feel an orgasm beginning to grow in your gut as your body aches and begs for more.

Shaky little moans come out of your mouth as your muscles tense up and relax again and again from the sensation of pleasure flowing through you.

Carlito’s spit easily mixes in and gets lost within your pussy’s wetness and he doesn’t relent as he slides his tongue all over your clit, focusing solely on it.

Carlito laps up your sweetness, causing you to curl your toes from how his beard brushes up against your clit and stimulates it further.

From the sloppy, messy way Carlito eats your pussy and from how dangerously aroused you’ve become, all of Carlito’s spit and your pussy juices begin to trickle down your ass and inner thighs.

Your pussy contracts from the pleasure and you almost hate yourself for how badly you crave Carlito now, feeling his lips suckling sweetly over your clit.

“Oh, baby.” Carlito pants as he raises his head up from between your legs, breathing heavily. “You’re ready for me.”

Carlito’s husky, sexy voice coupled with the way his hair has tousled already paints the perfect picture of erotica to you.

Keeping his eyes on yours, Carlito takes your right thigh and moves your body to the side as he curls up behind you—both of you laying on your sides.

“P-please, please, please, fuck me—” You clasp a hand over your mouth, rolling your eyes back in pleasure as Carlito continues to keep your thigh raised upward, pushing the tip of his cock inside of you to fuck you from the side.

“Oh baby, you feel so fucking good, you know that? Shit…” The curve of Carlito’s cock hits every weak spot inside of you from the first thrust alone and Carlito can already feel your pussy contracting against his cock, begging to be fucked.

Thrusting in an upwards angle, Carlito presses his naked body against yours and lets his hands wander over your breasts while he continuously presses wet kisses down your shoulders. “So fucking tight…”

From the way Carlito rocks your body back and forth, beginning to thrust deeply until you feel every inch of him entering you again and again to the way his thumbs toy with your hardened nipples, you almost feel intoxicated with arousal and pleasure.

You lazily glance over your shoulder at Carlito who returns the gaze, breathing against your skin and letting out a deep groan. “D-don’t you dare stop…” You squeeze your eyes shut, whimpering and letting yourself moan as loud as need be from the way Carlito fucks you.

“Not until you’re screaming my name, baby.” Carlito can practically feel his cock pulsating inside of you. Keeping his thrusts steady and deep, giving your breasts a smack before trailing his fingers back down to your clit.

Both sensations of pleasure draw the filthiest moans out of you yet and you can barely keep still on the bed from the way your thighs begin to shake from your orgasm dangerously approaching.

Carlito has complete control over your orgasm but is eager to have you cum before himself, watching the way your body reacts against his.

“Yeah, baby, just like that…” Carlito watches his cock easily sliding in and out of you at a quickened pace, causing your ass to redden from how fast and hard Carlito’s hips come into contact with yours.

“Yes, yes, yesssss!” You push your hips back against Carlito’s, only feeling his thrusts grow all the more forceful. “F-fuck me, Carlito! Fuck—fuck me! HARDER!”

Carlito’s kisses over your back harshen just as his thrusts do, filling the room with the sloppy sounds of your pussy sloshing against Carlito’s cock with every thrust.

“You gonna cum for me baby? Hmm?” Carlito squeezes your raised thigh, noticing how you can barely come out with a coherent sentence now from the way Carlito begins to approach thrusting to your G-spot, hitting it when you least expect it.

“Y-yes! I’m—ohhhh! Yes, I’m cumming! Cumming, I’m cumming!” You shriek out, unable to hold your orgasm back as it finally releases out of you.

Creaming over Carlito’s cock from orgasm, the euphoric sensation washes over you like waves in a current from head to toe while Carlito only continues to keep up his ruthless pace of thrusting as you cum.

Carlito slams his hips upward into yours once more, holding you tightly against his chest to see your eyes snap open in surprise from feeling spurts of hot, sticky cum shooting up inside of you.

“O-oh my God,” you pant, unable to stop your thighs from quivering. “Carlito…”

“God…” Carlito pants against your shoulder, holding your thighs steadily before slowly beginning to pull his cock out of you.

“Ooh!” You let out a soft gasp as the feeling of fullness leaves you and Carlito’s cum begins to slowly ooze out of your pussy.

Carlito circles his thumb against your pussy’s entrance, smearing and pushing his cum into you. “You’ve no idea how much I’ve missed fucking you like this…”

“Mmmmm, C-Carlito,” you barely have the energy to flip over and face him—nothing but a flustered and freshly fucked mess in Carlito’s grasp.

Slowly turning to face Carlito, you swallow hard—still recovering from the aftermath and hypersensitivity over your body.

Carlito chuckles, stealing a kiss from your lips and giving your cheek a gentle caress as both of you still feel the tingling sensation of your recent orgasms.

Still, after five years of sleeping alone to the thought of Carlito in tears, you don’t intend on letting your first night with him after all that time end so soon.

You match Carlito’s passion, taking him by pleasant surprise as you kiss around the outline of his jawline—simply unable to get enough of your fiancé.

“Baby…” Carlito nudges the blankets on your bed away from him to get closer to you before you move down his body, gripping his still erect cock in your hand. “Fuck,” Carlito grunts, bucking his hips up in response and leaning up on the bed upon his elbows.

You lay down on your stomach, popping Carlito’s cock in your mouth and licking upwards quickly before saying, “I missed you too, you know.”

“Not as much as I thought.” Carlito chuckles breathily, moving your hair out of your face as you begin to graze your tongue alongside the tip of his cock.

“Mm? What do you mean?” You wrap your tongue around Carlito’s tip.

“You asked me how I knew you’d be at the club tonight.” Carlito’s breath hitches.

“Mhmm…” Your mouth remains in perfect rhythm against his cock, drooling all over it as you let your tongue do the work. “Is there anything you can’t do? I know how you know…”

“Oh, yeah,” Carlito hisses, watching you suck him off. “I figured. You’re a smart woman.”

“So you know anything and everything, huh?” You smirk up at Carlito before swirling your tongue around his shaft and tasting yourself off of his cock. “I’m impressed… I didn’t figure out a thing until you told me you knew I’d be at the club tonight.”

“I didn’t want you to be bothered, baby.” Carlito groans quietly, “you know I didn’t pay someone to ‘stalk’ you—just wanted you to be safe and happy.”

“You have your reasons, huh?” Your lick Carlito’s precum off of your lips. “Tonight if anything, has always been about your reasons.”

“I want to know your reasons, baby.” Carlito watches you bob your head up and down on his cock. ”That guy, for one. Mm…”

“Mm?” You stare up at Carlito, continuing to suck him off.

“You know I don’t like sharing what’s mine, Evelyn.” Carlito grips your hair, guiding your mouth down on his cock further. “Never have, never will…but I know about that date.”

You roll your eyes, popping Carlito’s cock out of your mouth. “Oh please, you know it was nothing.”

“Nothing?” Carlito’s eyes dart over yours. “Date with a new guy doesn’t sound like nothing to me.”

“And whose cock is in my mouth right now? Don’t tell me you’re jealous.” Turned on by his jealousy, you take Carlito’s cock back into your mouth like candy.

“And if I am?” Carlito groans softly.

“There’s only you for me.” You hum against Carlito’s cock. “I didn’t take my ring off at that date either but mmm… I bet your little spy didn’t tell you that much.”

“My spy,” Carlito repeats, chuckling quietly. “You know I believe you.”

You slurp up your spit off Carlito’s cock, swallowing before leaning back up to him. “I believe you too.”

“I still have much to make up to you, baby.” Carlito moves over, tilting your chin up to face him. “Open your mouth, baby.”

You do as he says eagerly, waiting.

Carlito spits in your mouth, taking you by surprise as you whimper—turned on and aroused instantly by his actions all over again as you swallow down his spit.

“’Atta girl,” Carlito smirks at you. “Say ‘thank you, sir’.”

“Thank you, sir.” You breathe back, seeing that the old Carlito you love, know, and fucked is most definitely back.

#melis-writes #carlito brigante #carlito's way #al pacino #al pacino x reader #carlito brigante x reader #carlito brigante x reader smut #carlito's way 1993 #carlito's way x reader smut #carlito brigante fanfic #carlito brigante smut #ensnared fic #carlito's way au

[impawsiblecat]

100 days of Deathduo!

Day 1- Reverse phasmo au! (Also I'm so sorry if the format is weird I don't know how to tumblr)

Content warning for spooky ghost stuff, suspense. Also it's not beta'd haha

The breaker was off. Which was a bit annoying, but the previous owners clearly hadn’t been there in a while. Clover isn’t surprised the electrical company had turned it off to save power. That didn’t change the fact that it was a little bit… inconvenient. Still, she was excited. If all goes well, this house is hers. Her own place. It may be a bit rundown, if the torn wallpaper and worn floorboards were anything to go by, and that couch had certainly seen much better days, but it was hers. And renovations could always be made. She had plenty of money left over due to just how cheap the house was. 

    The house was cold, likely due to the breaker, and Clover shivered as she went to look for it, taking out her phone flashlight so she wouldn’t trip over anything. It must have been in either the utility room or the attic, right? Or was it called the storage area. It was somewhere upstairs, she remembered seeing it on the floorplan of the house. It could also be in the backyard, but Clover hadn’t seen anything back there when she had first investigated the house. She smiled as she remembered seeing the for sale sign and peeking into the windows while imagining what could be. She had bought it that same day.

    Clover coughed from the layers of dust that was scattered around, and she pulled her backpack in front of her in order to dig around for her waterbottle, taking a swig from it when she found it. This house needed a ton of cleaning. Which was fine. It was hers! Still, next time she may have to bring a mask, or something. Breathing in all of this dust was probably not the greatest for her health, if she had to guess. She passed by the stairs next to the front door, thinking that the utility room was the more likely place for a breaker to warm the cold rooms.

    The house wasn’t very big, but it didn’t stop Clover from getting lost, finding herself in a bedroom instead of the kitchen she expected. Which would have led to the utility room. The light from her phone bounced off of the walls, showing the pictures of the previous owners that lived here. She didn’t quite know what happened to them, or why they left. It did make her curious, but she figured they were likely evicted, or just had somewhere to go. Perhaps they thought that the house was too isolated, alone from everyone, with nothing but a plain barren field nearby. But that was what Clover loved about it. Come next spring, she was sure it would be filled with crops that she could farm. It had an irrigation system built in, and she was excited for the different pace in life that it was sure to bring. Peaceful, hopefully, away from the monotonous and stressful work environment of a corporate office job.

    Did she know how to actually farm? Well. No. But surely it couldn’t be too hard, right? It was just. Planting the seeds. And waiting for them to grow. 

    Clover’s thoughts became distracted when the beam of light caught on something shiny. Upon further investigation, she realized that there was a flip phone on the dresser, covered by a layer of dust. The people here must have really hated this place, to just pack up and leave like that. It was a mystery. Maybe Clover would try to figure out the reason why it was abandoned so much, and try to get some of the pictures and mementos back to the people they belonged to.

    But for now, the breaker. If she could stop getting so turned around in the dark. Clover tried to recall the floorplan given to her on the release forms. If she was in the bedroom, then she just had to make her way to the living room, and then the- aha! The kitchen. She knew where she was going the entire time. Clover’s flashlight caught on jars of old pickles and unopened soda cans that she was definitely gonna get rid of. They had probably been there for ages. Luckily, nothing seemed to have rotted out in the open, which Clover was grateful for. The chill of the house probably helped, even after all of these years. 

    She found the door to the utility room easily, but groaned when all she saw was a dust covered tool rack and an old mattress. So much for finally being warm. She sighed, shining her phone at the wall once more in hopes that she may have just missed the breaker, but alas, it was not there. Time to head upstairs to the storage room, unless it was in somewhere completely unexpected, like the master bedroom or something. That would be ridiculous though. Who would put an electrical breaker in a bedroom?

    Clover managed to make her way back to the front of the house much easier than she was able to find the kitchen, luckily. The upstairs was even smaller than the bottom part of the house, and she was pretty sure she remembered correctly, so hypothetically it shouldn’t take too long to find the utility room. Hypothetically.

    The stairs creaked under her feet, and Clover shivered a bit as she turned right. Because she was pretty sure that was the correct room. Wasn’t heat supposed to rise, or something? If anything, the air had gotten slightly colder up here than downstairs, but Clover knew that it was the barely spring chill seeping into the house. Come summertime, she was sure it would be sweltering in here. She should probably make sure that the air conditioning unit was here. And the heater, probably. Most likely. 

    She was. In a bedroom. Not a storage room. This house was so confusing, but she was sure the floorplan said it was this way. Spotting another door, Clover made her way over, hoping that it was the correct place. She was grateful that the house had wooden door knobs, seeing as she could feel the chill through them. Metal would have been even colder. She smiled when she saw the metal of the breaker glinting from her flashlight.

    As Clover stepped in the room, she felt the temperature drop, a chill running over her shoulders as she stood in the doorway, confused. It was so much colder than the rest of the house, and it made her uneasy. Or perhaps that was the unnatural creaking of the floorboards, or the many items scattered about the room that had disturbed the layer of dust on the floor. 

    It was probably just a broken board that let in the outside air, right? Maybe the wind had knocked over that hammer. Stealing her resolve, Clover started moving towards the breaker, clutching tightly onto her water bottle with one hand and her flashlight with the other. It was fine. She would just get the breaker on, and save this room for when she was actually able to see. And be warm. Which sounded so nice right now. Warm and away from this room.

    Clover screamed when a pale, almost transparent face suddenly appeared in front of her, yelling at her with an unnatural screech, and she scrambled back, away from the cold breath of air that washed over her as the face got closer to her. She threw her water bottle at the, the apparition, or creature that had showed up and ignored the prickles on her arm as she raced outside the storage room, through the bedroom, down the stairs and outside to her car, only daring to breathe when she had safely locked the door and double checked to make sure there was no one, or no thing, in there with her. 

    She was pretty sure she figured out the reason why the previous owners abandoned the place, now. 

#deathduo #rat server <3 #rat server #100 days of deathduo #deathduo my beloved #not the qsmp one sorry! #this deathduo was made before qsmp #phasmophobia au #ghost au #uhhh are these all the tags i need? #also!!! clover my absolutely beloved #i adore you so much

[heartsfromjeanee]

Desperation

Steven Grant x reader (mention of Jake and Marc)

Summary: After a week of you teasing him, Steven becomes pent up and needy in the middle of the night

Warnings: smut! (18+)

A/N: this is my first fic im posting on here, so my apologies if it’s not that great. I hope you all enjoy it though!

It wasn’t often that Steven got a good nights sleep from what you knew, but he usually would stay relatively quiet as to make sure not to disturb your slumber. Though tonight seemed to be different.

As he stared up at the ceiling, he couldn’t help but let his thoughts ponder to you and how he began to come more and more desperate for the touch of your hands, roaming around his body, knowing each and everyone of his sweet spots that make him melt like putty. In Stevens defense, you had been teasing him throughout the whole week, sometimes bending over just a tad too far in a skirt that was a bit too short or when you would place your hand onto his thigh, rubbing it up and down slowly, getting just mere inches away from his crotch to only pull away at the last second. You knew exactly how to drive him insane and he enjoyed every second of it.

Steven moved his attention to you, curled up on side of the bed facing away from him, peacefully sleeping. He would even go as far as comparing you to an angel. He bit his lip, pondering as to what his next move should be. Would he be able to keep to himself for the rest of the night or give into his own desires?

Just go for it, dios mío

I’m with Jake with this one buddy, I mean just look how pretty she looks

Steven frowned, ignoring the comments from the others in his head. He took another moment to collect his own thoughts, debating on whether he should or shouldn’t disturb you.

Taking a sharp breath, he decided to go with the former, quietly moving himself to your body, to the point where your back was pressed up against him. He buried his head into the crook of your neck, placing a multitude of soft kisses onto it. In a matter of minutes he was fully erect, his boner confined in his boxers, and he began had to hold himself back from humping himself on you.

Slowly you began to stir awake, but still not very much coherent as to what was going on around you. From what you could tell, Steven was just trying to wrap his arms around you to bring you closer to him, which seemed innocent enough. It wasn’t until you snuggled yourself back into him, your ass pressing up against his crotch, did you realize that what Steven wanted was far from innocent.

Steven let out a low groan from the contact your ass and his crotch was making, which made you open your eyes.

“Steven? …What do you think your doing?” You said in a low voice, still very sleepy.

“Well, uh, (Y/N) I just-“ Steven stammered, unsure of how to explain himself. You rolled your eyes and pulled yourself away from him so you could turn over and face him. The soft moonlight from the window shined down onto him, making him slightly visible in the otherwise pitch black room. Steven let out a small whimper from the loss of contact, and his big brown eyes looking into yours, practically screaming ‘fuck me’.

“Oh poor puppy, my teasing got to you didn’t it?” You muttered, showing a sign a sympathy for him. Steven gave a slight nod, your tone giving him hope that you would show mercy on him and help him achieve the release he so desperately needed. “Well since your so desperate, why don’t you grind into my ass baby. Make yourself cum,” you once again proved to move back into your original position, so your ass was towards his crotch, “Show me how much you need me.”

Steven gulped. He wanted to object, but also feared that you would simply go back to bed if he did, and then just leave him to figure out his problem completely on his own. Therefore, he quickly obeyed your order and moved his crotch up against your ass once more, beginning to grind up against it. Soft moans escaped his lips because of how blissful it felt to finally gain some friction down there.

“That’s it baby, keep going. Such a good boy.” Your words of encouragement only excited him more, his movement become more faster and more erratic. He could feel his climax slowly began to build up. His moans were like melodies to your ears and you could tell he was starting to get close.

“You feel…f-feel so good…please let me cum, please..” Steven begged, letting his hand roam up your body and onto your boob, grabbing onto it lightly.

“You wanna cum for me puppy? Yeah? Cum for me.” You growled as moved your arm up to reach behind you, grabbing onto Steven’s hair while turning your neck to look over at him. You then pulled him his head down towards yours and passionately kissed him, capturing all of his moans into your mouth.

Finally, Steven was able to reach his high, parting away from your kiss and letting out a practically pornographic moan as he came in his boxers. Letting go of his hair, you continued to mumbled words of praise as he slowly came down again, placing his head into the crook of your neck.

“You did so good for me baby,” You cooed, “How about we get you cleaned up and then get some rest, and if the morning I’ll wake you up with a treat.”

“Mmmm…what’s the treat?” Steven slurred, becoming much more sleepy after being able to fulfill his desires.

“Well I suppose you’ll just have to wait and find out, won’t you?”

#moonknight x reader #Steven grant x reader #jake lockley x reader #marvel #marvel x reader #Steven grant one shot #Jake lockley one shot #Marc Spector one shot #marvel one shot #marvel fan fiction #moonknight one shot #moonknight fan fiction #Steven grant x you #steven grant x y/n

[hey-haven]

Oops I am ranking TWST books (minus book 7 cause I’m not going into it till it’s released in the english version)

I will be making these seperate posts cause I have too much to say, but I will link each on in order from worst to best starting with the worst

6: Book 2

Easily the worst one, Book 2 just does not do Leona any form of Justice. Despite being one of the smarter characters, Leona’s plan simply does not make sense. Like yeah sure injure some of the stronger players so the competition would be easier but then his grand plan with the Diasomnia Dorm is literally unleashing a stampede to idk crush them? Injure them? Kill them???? (Okay maybe not that far). He does this in a public setting that could have easily gotten innocent bystanders hurt. Plus it’s Malleus we’re talking about, a stampede would not have done the kind of damage Leona would have wanted it to. It just feels like for a character who is often written to be a master strategist, his big plan for the competition wasn’t well thought out like at all. It paints Leona as someone who’s all bark and no bite when it comes to his arrogant attitude about his intelligence, which is annoying because HE IS VERY INTELLIGENT AND SHOULD BRAG ABOUT IT! It’s just this ONE book that doesn’t serve him justice on this aspect of his character!

Another issue the book has is that it paints Leona in a really bad light to the point that I strongly disliked him for a while till reading some vignettes and realizing “oh no he’s an interesting character it’s just that the main book really fucked him over”. We have to remember that Leona is a grown man at 20 years old who made it his mission to literally harm teenagers just to win a sports competition, and while I understand the competition itself is a big deal it does not at all justify Leona’s actions (nor does his backstory). That was all BEFORE he overblots where the harm can be somewhat justified under uhhh temporary magical influence of insanity lol. And at the end of the book he straight up goes “I actually am not going to learn and grow from this.” And he does a little after the events of the book good for him, but when the main theme of each book being about growth and healing from past scars, why the fuck immediately backtrack on that theme right in the second book???

AND! Shdgss another thing that annoys me is that shortly after learning what an overblot is and how it works, following that logic that the audience was literally taught; Ruggie should have overblotted. He was the one constantly using his signature spell, he was the one having to hurt himself to get others hurt as well, he was the one who nearly got directly killed by Leona. That stress and overuse of his magic should have lead to an overblot but it didn’t only because Ruggie isn’t the twisted version of Scar, it’s Leona.

The book very much tried to use Ruggie as a red herring making us think he will be the main boss when it was Leona, but it was done so poorly that looking back it doesn’t even make sense with the in universe explanation on the function of overblots. Yana cared more about making a not so surprising twist than actually putting the effort in making that twist make sense. The fact that I ended the book caring significantly more about Ruggie than Leona is a sign that Leona’s character in this book was more of an afterthought.

You can just tell that Yana did not put the amount of thought and care into Book 2 as she did with Books 1, 4, 6, and even 5 despite that one also not being that good either though for completely different reasons. She heavily relied on the story beats of The Lion King to work with Book 2 leading to a messy and rather uninteresting story that actively paints the main character of the book as a less interesting person than what he actually is shown to be in later chapters and vignettes. It’s especially disheartening when you do get to Leona’s backstory and see the potential was right there the whole time, it just was not given any ounce of effort in the execution.

#I have SO MUCH more to say #but this post is already long enough #long post #haven rambles #twisted wonderland #long posr #twst book 2 #leona kingscholar #ruggie bucchi

[ktdkkudasai]

Pro hero Katsuki x Quirkless flower shop owner Izuku AU

They are not going to same high school and Izuku moved away straight away after secondary graduation so they’ve not met eachother since then, Pro hero Katsuki realize his feeling after he started attending UA but didn’t take action because of what he did to Izuku in secondary.

One day when he finished work he saw a small flower shop and it reminds him that it’s nearly his mum’s birthday so he decided to walk in to order some flowers but the first thing he saw was Izuku, his childhood friend and his secret crush.

Izuku is serving another customer with an angel smile, he didn’t release Katsuki is here until he tries to wave goodbye to his customer, Izuku is looking really surprise when he saw Katsuki is actually standing there.

After a quick conversation he notice that Izuku doesn’t act like he hates seeing him again, which is weird thinking of what he done to Izuku during secondary, he apologised to Izuku about that but Izuku seems he doesn’t care that much about their past anymore which is a good sign for Katsuki. He also noticed that Izuku is still a huge hero fan although he failed to be one, but those sparkling eyes during his non-stop talking about hero has never changed. Katsuki also promised that he will show up more to tell him about hero since this shop is not that far away from his agency.

They started texting, chatting & even hanging out together sometimes, everything seems perfect until the day Katsuki came to order flowers with a message card saying “I Love you” for a girl’s name, Izuku was totally shocked because he thinks that’s a gift for Katsuki‘s girlfriend. Although The flowers are actually a birthday gift Katsuki’s grandma, since Izuku doesn’t know his grandma’s name so he was heartbroken. Izuku started avoiding Katsuki from that day, he barely response to Katsuki‘s texts trying to fade away from him because he has a crush on Katsuki but he already has a girlfriend, Izuku hopes that staying away from Katsuki will allow him to forget his feelings for him.

Katsuki is so confused about the way Izuku has been acting weird recently, he decided to talk to him face-to-face so he went to his flower shop. When Izuku saw him the smile disappeared from his face straight away, there must be something wrong between them & Katsuki just wanna fix the problem.

“Izuku we need to talk”

“You can just…text me?” Izuku answered, without looking at Katsuki.

“I can’t talk when you just read my texts and don’t reply.”

“I was too b-busy…”

“You’re such a bad liar you know?” Katsuki gave him a weird look then signed.

“……I-I am just…in a bad mood”

“Then you can talk to me about it”

“But I don’t want to…”

“You don’t want to talk to me when you’re not happy?” Katsuki looks hurt because of what Izuku just said.

“NO!…it’s hard to tell you about it”

“I wanna know, Izk”

“…I just noticed that my crush has a girlfriend so I was…upset”

“…You like boys?”

“Yeh…Sorry if I make you feel uncomfortable”

“Why would I? I like boys as well”

“You WHAT!?” Izuku is surprised because that means maybe those flowers are not for his girlfriend.

“Well not every boys actually, I’m just into my crush & he’s a lad so ”

“So…you don’t have a partner yet?”

“I wish I do, but I gotta confess to him first.”

“You’ll be fine, there’s no way that anyone would reject you”

“…What about you?”

“Huh!?”

“Will you reject me if I confess to you?”Katsuki slowly stepped forward.

“Stop teasing me Kacchan…”

“What if I am serious?”

“Why you keep asking me these !?” Izuku looks puzzled.

“Because I love you, Izuku”

Katsuki carefully hugged Izuku, so near to eachother that they can even feel both of their hearts are beating fast together.

“You…love me!?”

“I do”

“But…”

“I know you are upset because of another man, but I still want you to know I am always here for you”

“W-wait! Kacchan stop!!”

Izuku suddenly jumped away from Katsuki‘s hug, Katsuki sees it as a reject sign & hurt flashes in his eyes.

“…You still love that guy and won’t even give me a chance to take care of you?”

“No!! Hmm I mean, of course I still love him…but…but there’s no another man, it has always been you!”

“WTH I don’t have a freakin GF! I NEVER date anyone before”

“I thought those flowers you ordered before are for your girlfriend…”

“For my grandma, actually”

“Oh…”

After they figured out the misunderstanding between them they both feel kinda release but also awkward at the same time because now they know they are actually crushing on eachother.

“So…Kachan…”

“Yeh?”

“Will…Will you still take care of me?”

“Huh?”

“I-I mean…”

“You can’t even ask a question properly?”

“Hmm…”

“Guess I need to show you how to do it”

“Pardon me!?”

“Will you go out with me? Izuku”

Tears filled Izuku’s big eyes, he jumped back into Katsuki, his boyfriend arms.

“…I will take this as a yes”

“Of course”

“But I still not heard how you feel about me yet”

“I did…”

“You said you love him, who is him?”

“Oh!” Izuku giggles due to his boyfriend’s childish behaviour.

“I love you, Kacchan!”

Just some extra settings:

When Katsuki decided he wanna propose to Izuku, he will order flower from his shop and when he came to pick the flower he will write “Will you marry me?” in the message card right in front of Izuku then hand the card with the beautiful flowers to Izuku.

When Izuku is serving Katsuki it will be like this:

#bakudeku #mha bkdk #bkdk fanart #my art #my threads #2022

[eurydicees]

More haikyuu!! pacific rim AU info please!!! (esp the Oikawa details you wanted to share!)

YESSSS thank you for asking !!!!!!!!!!! ok so here’s the deal, but under the cut bc this got. Long. 

oikawa joined the jaeger program because iwaizumi did and he wasn’t about to let iwaizumi do it alone. that’s the primary reason, even if he won’t admit it. he will tell people his reasoning is stuff like i want to do my part to protect tokyo etc etc. ur typical hero stuff, yk? which is all partially true! but also a lot of the influence in the decision really was “i can’t let iwaizumi die alone.” he loves his best friend very much and wasn’t about to let him go into this dangerous world without someone at his side. Anyways.

so the fic starts with them drifting for the first time! it is in this first drift attempt—which is ultimately successful—that oikawa realizes iwaizumi’s in love with him. 

which, really, is something he should have realized a LONG time ago. but he had very much been choosing to not think too hard about all the little signs iwaizumi had given, and so this kind of comes out of nowhere for him (and, honestly, for absolutely no one else). 

so the first bit of the fic is him kinda coming to terms with that and trying to navigate their relationship while DEEPLY in denial that he loves iwaizumi back. there’s some internalized homophobia stuff here but more than that, there’s the fear that he’ll have iwaizumi and then iwaizumi will get killed. and oikawa can’t deal with that—with maybe having him and then losing him. 

he can be brave about a lot of things: he can fight kaiju if iwaizumi is his other half, he can have verbal sparring matches with kuroo and come out unscathed, he can make fun of iwaizumi’s bedhead in the morning without being afraid of the resulting playful punch, he can face down death in this war against the kaiju. 

but he can’t be brave about this. the idea of losing iwaizumi is unthinkable, the idea of loving so deeply someone who is lost even more so. 

so he tells himself that they’re both happy with what they have. he tells himself that he’s satisfied with this friendship-bordering-on-more-but-they’ll-never-say-it-out-loud. he tells himself that iwaizumi’s satisfied with it too. and they just bear it, that tension between them, until it all snaps. 

oikawa’s arc though the story (which is getting much longer than intended lol) is about learning to accept being loved and learning to love! he’s getting there! it just takes…some tragedy, first. i love him so much. 

so the second bit of the fic is about him realizing that he does love iwaizumi and that’s the only thing he’s really sure of in life. it’s him realizing, oh. what’s the point in denying this when we could be happy for whatever amount of time we get? 

then the last bit of the fic is , like, actual movie plot LOL. other plot stuff is happening while oikawa is having his crisis i promise, but like. you asked abt my most specialest character and so i simply must provide and forget about everything else that matters. 

also u didn’t ask for this but i want to share so here’s a silly excerpt from the scene after the first time they drift: 

Iwaizumi grins at him, unhindered by any worry, so unlike his strained smile before they had started. He had been more nervous than Oikawa, but that nervousness seems to have fallen away and all the tension has released from his shoulders. He looks calmer. “We did it.”  “I don’t know what the big fuss was,” Oikawa laughs, nudging Iwaizumi’s shoulder with his own. “We had that completely under control.”  Iwaizumi laughs a little. They’re walking towards the Mission Control room to do a debrief of their first attempt. Beforehand, they had been told to do so in order to talk about what they need to do better. But this felt good.  Then Oikawa’s smile falters. “Iwa, what I saw, what I felt from you, about, um, about me—”  Iwaizumi swallows, shaking his head, and Oikawa cuts himself off. “I don’t want to talk about it.”  “Okay,” Oikawa says quietly. He thinks he could push the subject further, but he doesn’t want to ruin this any more. If Iwaizumi doesn’t—doesn’t want to talk about his feelings, then they won’t. Simple as that.  Not talking about them, though, doesn’t make them go away. It isn’t going to change the fact that Iwaizumi is in love with him, and Oikawa doesn’t love him back. 

if this so compels you, there’s more stuff in my pacrim au tag !!!

#ask #hq pacrim au

[alyjojo]

October ⚖️ 2023 Monthly - Virgo

Whole of your energy: 2 Swords rev

You’ve gone through some massive changes already, a Tower has hit that changed your entire world most likely. Death shows an ending happening unexpectedly, it could’ve surprised you. If there were any feelings beyond that, I can’t tell, because now you’re at the point of realizing you’ve overcome something that held you back, kept you stuck, was unhealthy for you. If this Tower hadn’t hit you like it did, you would’ve just kept continuing on with some unhealthy patterns…and maybe people. 2 Swords rev shows you didn’t really have a choice, much of this was out of your hands in the way it played out.

What’s going on in October:

The High Priestess:

You’ve been very secretive about love, probably a bit overindulgent, not seriously committed to any one thing, keeping your options open. Or this was someone you were dealing with, if so, you’re aware of it. Someone (maybe you) was flirty with multiple people, or you are right now. You could feel like you know who your soulmate is, and you have to move away from some other things/people in order to be with them. I don’t see any rush though, with Temperance at the end. The High Priestess is spiritual, and she “knows” the secrets to everything, intuitively, you could be tapping into your own spiritual gifts & messages at this time, or are seeing messages, signs, having dreams, all sorts of serendipitous experiences that are very personal or meaningful to you alone. Your reading has heavy major arcanas and The Wheel of Fortune is here, you’re thick in the middle of a huge karmic shift right now.

9 Cups:

If you’ve dealt with someone where secrets were kept and things were hidden, you don’t want that anymore. Of course. 9 Cups is the dream you’re moving towards, could be a specific person or just the ideal soulmate you’re dreaming up. They’re not sneaky, nor do you want to be, it’s like “been there, done that.” 4 Cups, it doesn’t make you happy or satisfy you to play games, that’s what you’re realizing with The Sun. What makes you happy, what you really want. For some you just dealt with someone that never really chose you, committed to you only, or you have a history of that and it’s not made you happy…time for a change. You’re ready for the real thing now, but you’re not in a rush.

6 Swords:

This is taking all of the lessons, painful experiences, happy times, and any other “baggage”, putting it in a boat and taking it with you, somewhere more peaceful. Leaving behind King of Swords rev, which in this reading seems to be more of an energy of submission. “I have no idea where I’m going, I just know I have to go” with 2 Swords also reversed. Wheel of Fortune clarifies this, showing you don’t have a choice, you’re more than aware of that, but you don’t know where this path leads either, just that it’s time to leave old ways behind you. This card also shows you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be 🙏 Your goal is finding answers, clarity, and truth, so you can plan your way forward.

King of Swords rev:

You’re a sign that’s very intelligent and usually have all of the answers, but whatever has happened is causing you to release everything you thought you knew for sure. It’s like starting over completely, especially with The Fool clarifying. You’re at a brand new beginning in your life, one that may look/feel/be different than anything you’ve ever experienced thus far, and for the first time ever, you have no idea what the right thing to do is. Where are you going? What should that look like? When it comes to Swords, practical thinking and using your head or logic over your heart, you’re out of sorts where you are now. All you know is what you want, which is a good energy to be in for manifesting. When you have love, you want the real thing, and are done playing with temporary people, no matter which role you played in that dynamic in the past.

For some, you could want to heal a connection with the same person you’re leaving behind, without the toxic bs they’re attached to, whether it’s other people, behaviors, traumas, etc. but you haven’t said that out loud and right, but you don’t know how, and right now you two aren’t communicating - High Priestess & King of Swords rev., The Hermit is here too. There are no swords in a spiritual awakening silly Virgo. You can probably blame the Saturn Pisces transit. You’re in no rush, you know what you want and what you don’t.

Temperance:

You’re willing to be patient and give yourself and others the time & space they need in order to grow, change, realize things, whatever needs to occur. It seems like reconciliation is what’s on your mind though. You could’ve gone through a separation with someone, but no official ending. Or you’re just waiting for the right one, 2 Cups is here showing reciprocated love with someone. But for now, you’re in Hermit, staying to yourself and trying to gain clarity on your life, however long that takes. You don’t feel like anything has lasting potential at the moment, too much has changed in your world and you need to work through the “after-effects” of everything you’ve been through, I keep getting that. If you’re waiting on true love, it won’t show up until you clear out your own closets ❤️ Though for many it feels like you’re waiting on others to do that themselves too, both sides of that coin.

66666 shows having Patience helps you overcome toxic cycles successfully, regarding lovers and any stress they’ve brought to your life, any merry go rounds of madness you’ve been on with them, that’s why you need time. The cycle ends when you step off, and you have already done that, it’s just dealing with all of the leftover gunk inside of you. Or someone else needs to do this and you’re patient.

4444 is telling you that there are Cycles ending in your life right now - Death - you may feel unfulfilled, unhappy, bored and restless (you’re supposed to), and the best thing you can do for yourself is Retreat. Go into Hermit. Saturn Pisces is kicking your butt right now, or already has, and you’re needing to figure things out on your own right now. But you are the Hermit, and you’re usually fine with that.

Signs you may be dealing with:

Scorpio, Cancer, Pisces, Aquarius, Leo, Virgo & Sagittarius. Heavy water 💦

Oracles: ✨

60 - Patience

Creativity takes time, and sometimes a project can seem to be taking too long or seen to be failing.

76 - Cycles

The wind blows, the wheel turns. We go through cycles just like Nature because we are a part of Nature.

40 Retreat 😴

This is a good time to retreat into your safe place and gather your resources for what’s to come. Work on making your body, mind, and soul as strong and unencumbered as possible. This is the card that urges you to get your “ducks in a row” as fast as possible, for changes come fast and furious. Even when they are longed for, they can take us unprepared. Changes are coming your way soon! Alternately, it can show you needing to process the changes that have already come. You need alone time to heal, think, and process everything you’ve been through.

We enter into October as:

A Woman Named Aubergine 🧙🏻‍♀️:

“You are not to know.”

A situation is perhaps not as you think. It would be wise to be an observer and not speak out just yet, for there is not enough information to act upon, and you must not respond until you are certain. You will know what you need to know when it’s time, and do not worry. Do not think about confrontation at this time, even if you’re right, it will not serve you. The unknown is not an easy place to be, but it is indeed where you are meant to be, for now. It is no longer necessary to fear, just watch & observe.

What is to be learned in October:

Demon Red Rainbow 👹

“The greatest adversary is the one living inside of me.”

If the Demon Red Rainbow speaks to you, it is an indication that you are starting to (or will) forge ahead on the path you have chosen. You are correct in thinking that this path is important. Demon Red Rainbow denotes miraculous changes which lay ahead but not without your dogged determination. If you are facing a hill that appears insurmountable, this card reminds us that most true adversaries are the ones inside of us. Life always turns for the better when we face our demons.

You are not to abandon your focus no matter what comes up. The direct route may be the best way to the other side of your fear. There is a crucial lesson here for us all. Know that Spirit always provides an ally when we face the Demon Red Rainbow. It will be clear to you who they are. You need not face anything alone. Spirit has chosen a very powerful lesson for you so that you may teach others what you have learned. A gift of this kind is never given without our ability to use it.

Red may be a lucky color ❤️

#Virgo #Virgo tarot reading #monthly tarot reading #October 2023 #astrology #tarot #tarotblr

[nctdreamcokr]

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ highlights from yanna’s solo fansign ˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚

literally the first thing she did after getting the mic was apologizing over dream not being able to hold a fansign like this as a group. then proceeds to rant about the boys’ health and wellbeing.

“also you’re meeting us soon for our concert, let’s all just be patient. we’re preparing a lot of things for you.”

attempts to walk down the stage a bunch of times but security’s strict and her manager stops her as well. fans aren’t even mad, they find it funny how yanna just pouts after being stopped by everyone.

constantly asks if they’ve eaten, fans who attended are pretty sure she asked everyone while signing their albums/stuff.

she even ordered drinks for everyone who attended. it was mid-fansign when a bunch of staffs carried loads of different drinks inside the venue and distributed it to the fans.

“enjoy!”

casually talking to them like her friends while sitting on the edge of the stage hugging a cogimyun plushie one fan gave her.

“this morning, noran kept sitting on the couch and smelling one part of it. i was wondering why, and realized it’s where jisung sits. she misses him, but the thing is we’re exhausted these days. i don’t invite him over because i fall asleep right when i get home.”

while talking to the fans, they informed her that one of the people who attended was a rookie but he already left.

“eh? who?”

they told her his name and was shocked when she said she hasn’t checked out the teaser for them yet.

“he probably got forced to be here”, she joked. until one of the staffs confirmed that the rookie actually wanted her signature and they sent him to get it in the fansign.

“that’s.. new.”

in the middle of her signing, three men with secured caps on came up the stage and before the fans could react they already turned and motioned for them to keep quiet.

it was jeno, haechan and renjun lining up to get their album’s signed and show support as a surprise for yanna.

she almost didn’t notice until she looked up and caught a glimpse of jeno’s face, her giggles filled the venue as she asked him who to address the message to and he said “yoit”.

literally grabs the mic and starts scolding them, actually.

“i just told czennies we can’t hold events like these because we treasure our health and you’re here.”

haechan: we’re supporting you! you might be lonely here.

ends up giving the three a hug because she’s actually a bit touched they’re there for her.

the whole hall squealing when renjun had his album signed yet laughing when haechan brought up that the two weren’t even talking.

questions and answers that trended on twitter:

🍃: what was your first reaction when they said you’d be finally releasing your album?

🐻‍❄️: i thought it was a prank, honestly. i still think it is.

🍃: who is noran’s best friend?

🐻‍❄️: noran likes daegal and leon the most. but leon just stares at her.

🍃: who’s your favorite member these days?

🐻‍❄️: no one…

🍃: can i command you to befriend jennie from blackpink?

🐻‍❄️: okay, i’ll work on it!

🍃: do you like messi?

🐻‍❄️: … ttung!

🍃: huang to the yan to the na?

🐻‍❄️: 시 to the 즈 to 니!

🍃: when are you marrying renjun?

🐻‍❄️: we’re already married. ㅋ ㅋ ㅋ

🍃: song recommendation, please.

🐻‍❄️: nagaikami - fomare. :)

she ended the fansign by thanking everyone who went and bought her album. also reminding them to stay safe always and that she’ll them soon again.

“i know it’s hard to stay safe and healthy, but i’m sure you guys are doing your best. if i could hug each one of you, i would. as a thank you for your hard work.”

blows kisses and air hugs for everyone in the venue before leaving.

#huang yanna #nct yanna #yanna huang #nct 24th member #nct dream 8th member #nct female addition #kpop female oc #kpop oc #nct addition #kpop female addition

[partialdifferentials]

220624 AB6IX in Chicago

Because I don’t think I’m going to journal about this one. Unnecessarily detailed as always

Finally, after forever I get to go to a seated concert. I got there a little before 5 because I wanted to hand out stuff. But they let us in like right before 5 so I never actually got to, whoops. But a lot of people had freebies! I ended up with so much stuff lol. I liked the venue. Free parking!!!

For soundcheck, they did Cherry and Red Up. Woong and Donghyun kept peeking out before it started. Suddenly someone screamed and we were all like ??? Woojin had a hawaiian shirt on lol. This is the first time phones were allowed during soundcheck so I took the opportunity to take pics then. Actually I filmed way more than I usually do. I guess because I was less concerned with ~seeing them with my own eyes~ like I usually am with my faves

The venue was only about half full. I know it must suck as an artist to see that but as someone who gets overwhelmed easily I appreciated how it didn’t feel crowded.

Their outfits were really pretty! There were actually more performances than I was expecting for a “fanmeeting.” I’ve realized the value in knowing the songs beforehand... I haven’t really listened to many of their releases in the past 1-2 years. But they did do two of my favorite songs, Blind for Love and Surreal. They also had a post-it note question session. Two girls were trying to get them to pick theirs so they screamed “we wrote in glitter pen!!” and Daehwi was like “I need to repent?” lmaooo but tbh that’s what I heard too. Oh but the first one they picked was Tina who I know has done events and stuff for them, it’s nice to see a dedicated fan get this chance! One of the questions was what’s your favorite dinosaur and Daehwi said he didn’t have one, I don’t remember the other answers. Whatever questions they picked, they invited those fans on stage and let them ask questions and stuff. There were 2 kfans picked and they kept their faces covered the whole time lol. One of them asked Woong to shake hands.

In the second half they also called up 4 fans from their tweets to the stage. They let 2 people ask questions. The first one asked about places to go to in Korea. The second asked if cereal is a soup. There were some divided opinions. BUT the funniest thing is that (all 4 took polaroids with AB6IX) when it was that girl’s turn, Woong said cereal is a snack (not soup) and then called cereal girl loooool.

They actually talked to the audience a lot. They took the time to read signs and there was someone dressed up as Ash. Oh there was also someone wearing Daehwi’s outfit from Rose Scent Kiss and he asked, “Where did you get that from?” and she said she made it. I think during the ending ment Woojin asked if we were ready and he was like “really?”

I came in holding an Woojin slogan but I’m a Donghyun fan now. He was the most engaged out of all them. The other 3 were definitely less so... I know someone (Daehwi?) mentioned the day before on pm that they were getting tired. I think that’s why Donghyun stood out so much while performing (in a good way), he was enjoying himself at least. Was kind of surprised with Woojin, he looked like he was just going through the motions. I didn’t see Woong that much but when I did he was cute. I felt like Daehwi was trying to be sexy a lot lmao. But I think he sang live the entire night!!

Another thing I want to mention is the lack of “kpop opportunists” (as I heard for the first time today lol). The people at the front knew all the fanchants and everything, and phones were up but not obnoxious (at least from my pov, in the back. It was the first time in a long time I didn’t have to crane my neck to avoid phones in my view!) I obviously can't say for sure everyone at the front was actually an abnew but the vibes were definitely more genuine than they have been. I'm really happy for those fans! I hope they had a good time. 

Hi-Touch went super fast. Even faster than my Wanna One hi-touch. I think the order was Daehwi, Woong, Donghyun, Woojin? I wanted to tell Donghyun I’m his fan now but he definitely did not hear lol. I put my phone in my pocket to see if it would pick up anything and you can only hear them, you can’t hear me at all. So they for sure did not hear anything lol. 

Overall I’m glad I went! I was able to get a VIP ticket for $100 (less than fv) so I think it was worth it. I bought my ticket a week before the show just in case something came up.

#in conclusion: stan donghyun #ab6ix #AB6IXinChicago #concert #fanaccount

[anterocash]

Boss Call.

It’s easier to make a phone call than to get on a plane and sit for fifteen hours, going through the customs hassle, just to have a conversation with the manager of Bean Through. 

(Cash doesn’t know what’s left in Korea for him, so why bother going back?) 

Zoom or FaceTime would be cute if his hair weren’t in that awkward stage and his beard just as difficult Cash doesn’t feel like being distracted by his face for an hour. 

He’s sitting at his desk, AirPods in and ready. At the same time, Cash types away on his laptop; he might as kill two birds with one stone – Cash hadn’t realized he had started two utterly different Sci-Fi series a year ago, one document for the Clifford Park books – a series set in a world where humans and androids co-exist as two races and another document open for his Sci-Fi book for the girls – a slow burn romance about teenage supernaturals: a witch coming into her powers and her male counterpart; the broody werewolf consumed with self-hate it’s filled with twists and turns – also dragons. The prequel for A Manufactured Heart has already finished. It is poised to be released in March to coincide with the premiere of the Hulu drama. 

Riding off the high success of the first book: The End of Fog, Cash quickly got to work on the sequel, much to Larry’s urging. Cash has the bulk of the following two books already written, and if he gets high enough? Could write another one before it’s even due. He always has his reservations until the direct deposit hits. Then the shame of enjoying the money settles until the sheer happiness that takes over Ashley’s face when he’s bought her a gift zaps the cold from his bones, and a fist takes his chest. Lily Lee is the absolute bane of Cash’s existence, but it’s worth it when needed. 

Cash finds it somewhat ironic that his readers can accept a detective chasing after a robotic serial killer but not the precious seventeen-year-old heroine simply trying to do her best at the end of the day. Cash knows how he cultivated his audience, and while his past attempts to derail his future, he won’t let that stop him from getting paid. Never. 

It feels like years have gone by when the line finally clicks over, and Cash shakes his head with a huff, totally fucking with the other man, “about damn time, did I interrupt something?” 

“Won,” the coffeehouse manager greets sagely; the sound of Cash’s quick fingertips tapping away at his laptop should bring a familiar comfort to the rat owner. It’s not when they have pressing matters to discuss.

“Yes, boss?” Cash still has a jovial hint to his voice when he responds. 

“Why didn’t you tell me the two weirdos that sit in the back of the shop were drug dealers?” 

Cash immediately laughs, even if it’s not what he wants to do. “You think Minho is weird? Me too, Jay is just an asshole –” 

“Answer the question.” 

“Because it wasn’t my idea,” Cash explains with a sigh; he isn’t even typing anymore. Leaning back into his chair, he sighs again and takes his glasses off to rub his eyes wearily; not even there, and those two knuckleheads are twisting the thorn in Cash’s side. It’s not guilt he feels – it’s technically still his business – he’s still signing checks for it. Cash feels worried and presses his fingers deeper into his eyes. “What happened?”

“They have my employees doing deliveries when they go on their routes.” 

“Oh, that’s so smart –” Cash mutters, impressed. That explains the sudden jump in delivery sales, almost at the same volume as their foot traffic inside the shop. Cash doesn’t know why he didn’t think of that himself while still in Korea. “Let me guess, lots of to-go orders?”

“He’s paying them good money, I can’t lie. If you weren’t so giving… Maybe I would be doing those drops as well. Why didn’t you tell me they were doing that in the shop, Won? I’m the last person you should keep in the dark about something like this.”

Yikes. 

Cash hates when he’s rightfully called out. It adds insult to injury in his mind – he holds his tongue for a beat. Do not be an asshole to one of the few people you can trust. 

“I have no idea, I just… After all the bullshit with Hwan and how they didn’t tell me until I caught them, I didn’t want to think about it… dude, if you want a cut, ask them.” Cash sits up and starts typing again, “Bean Through is yours,” Cash says quietly as the words leave his fingertips, “tell them to either give you what you’re due or get out, and if you don’t want to confront them –” the guy has a mean right hook.

“I don’t need to speak for me, Cash.” 

He can’t see Cash, but the writer still puts his hands up, “hey – I’m not trying to – c’mon dude, you know me.”

“Yeah, I do. That’s why I’m not angry with you; a little peeved you didn’t tell me after the OD, but Hwan is okay. All that matters.” 

It’s still a touchy subject; Ryuhwan is well on his way towards a healthy recovery from his accident (Cash likes to call them accidents because usually, it’s not on purpose except when it is.)

Cash nods thoughtfully before putting his fingers on his laptop once more. “He uh –” Cash clears his throat, “he texted me the other day,” things have been awkward between Cash and Ryuhwan since he’s been back home. Maybe, they spent too much time together right after the incident. The younger man hadn’t taken to Cash telling him he was moving fifteen hours and a different time zone away. 

The offer lingered in the back of his throat; he never said it, and Ryuhwan was too hopeful.

“Other than that, what did you want?”

Cash snorts at the man’s words, shaking his head in amusement. “Jeez – since when was it a crime to call a friend on the telephone?” 

“Won, you hate talking on the phone.” 

“Yeah… but…” Cash sighs for what feels like the millionth time since they started this conversation, adjusting his glasses to get the pressure of the arms digging into the back of his ears, “I miss knowing what’s happening in real-time, don’t get me wrong, I love it here, miss you like crazy, but I’m happy where I am at the same time,” he tries to explain when he’s cut off.

“What has Seulgi told you?” 

Cash relays all the juicy information he’s managed to get from his former slash current Korea base assistant – she’s still on the payroll and attends to different affairs in Korea that regard Cash. She also clears out the foul air in the home above the shop and dusts it when needed. 

Seulgi is great, Cash thinks.

“Well… that was only the tip of the iceberg.”

Cash loves to gossip. He gets comfortable in his chair.

#drabble

[itbeabbyc]

The History of One Direction

Anyone that knows me knows how important One Direction is to me.  I have grown up with them since I was 11 years old.  Since 2012, I have seen One Direction over 20 times, and many more times if you include their solo projects.  Being a part of a fandom is a super cool experience that I think all kids/teenagers should have.  It gives people a sense of belonging to have a common interest and I know so many people who have made best friends for life through their favorite artists or sports team.  I have traveled across the USA and even out of the country to see One Direction, and they have helped me realize what career I wanted to have very early in life.  As someone who is very knowledgeable on all things One Direction, I still have people ask me questions about them quite often.  I have always been known as a big One Direction and Harry Styles fan by my classmates and coworkers, so they know who to go to for all of the info.  So, why not take this opportunity to lay out some of the big moments in One Direction history back from 2010 all the way until the present.

In 2010, the five boys all auditioned as solo artists for season 7 of the X Factor in the UK. The boys were initially eliminated from the competition before then being asked to return, where they were asked if they would stay in the competition as a group by Simon Cowell. After weeks of successful performances, fans waiting outside to catch a glimpse of their new favorite boy band, and getting voted into the finale, One Direction finished in 3rd place overall. Unfortunately for the band, this meant they were no guarantee of a record deal and their future was hanging by a thread. Weeks after the finale, they were brought in for a meeting and told Cowell was taking them onto his record label, giving them a chance to record their debut album.

In 2012, I had the opportunity of meeting One Direction at a CD signing on their first trip to the states. In order to get a ticket to attend the event, you had to be in the first 1000 people to buy their debut album “Up All Night”. We slept outside of the mall where the album/wristbands were being sold for around 20 hours and overnight. The next morning, we were escorted into the store to purchase the album and were given info about when to return later that day to meet the boys. A few short hours later on, we approached the table where we met these five boys which only existed on a screen for us until that point. Seeing them in the flesh for the first time was absolutely surreal. We got our CDs signed and talked to each of the boys. To this day, I still feel so lucky to have gotten to experience this very exclusive event before One Direction became the huge phenomenon they were and hopefully will be again someday.

Following the success of the release of their first album and tour, One Direction was offered a movie deal in 2013. The film would be titled “This Is Us” and would follow the boys on their second arena tour, Take Me Home tour. The film showed different performances from their concerts, antics the boys got up to while traveling the world, visiting 37 countries, and a tour of their hometowns where you got to see where the boys grew up and meet their families.

I’ve had some absolutely incredible experiences with One Direction throughout the years. My sister and I went to 17 concerts all over the country, including a trip to Canada for one show of their last tour. Growing up in New York, we had countless experiences and opportunities to meet the boys and see them quite frequently. I can’t thank One Direction enough for the happiness they have brought me throughout the last 11 years they’ve been in my life. This July will mark the 13th anniversary of the band being formed on the X Factor. Everything in 2010 had to happen the way it did for these boys to end up together. The morning of his audition, Harry decided he didn’t want to go but was convinced by his mom right before his turn, Harry also made the minimum age requirement by one day in order to audition, and Zayn’s alarm didn’t go off. It’s crazy how fast the time is gone and I hope one day in the next few years, the boys will reunite and I will be able to see my favorite people in the world make history once again.

[upismediacenter]

LITERARY: Holding On

Tears of Today: Book Signing Event July 28, 2034, 5:45 pm JKM Publishing Company

“You mentioned before that there was a time that you almost gave up writing, what changed your mind?” The interviewer asked.

“10 years ago, I felt like the whole world was against me. I had no inspiration, I lost the will to write, and I had no one to talk to. It may be hard to believe but I was at my lowest. Luckily, someone saved me from that,” I answered.

“Who was it? How did they save you?” Asked another interviewer.

“I think you guys should get comfortable, this is going to be a long story,” I said, smiling.

May 21, 2024, 9:20 pm Greenskate City

I have been sitting on this bench for a long time now. A few hours ago, the publishing company I worked for called me to say that my works haven’t been selling and that if I don’t release a hit story anytime soon, I would lose my job.

I decided to go to the Cafe a few streets from here since it was getting late and I, hungry. As soon as I arrived, I ordered a large iced latte and a slice of their homemade carrot cake. The place’s ambiance was very soothing and they were playing soft chill music that fit well with the vibes of the Cafe. As I was eating and drinking away, I noticed something on the wall across from me. I looked more closely and I realized that it was some kind of a freedom wall. Lots of people have already written on it so I decided to write something on it too. I took out my marker and began to write at the bottom left corner.

“I feel like I have nothing left to give.”

Even though it’s not that big of a deal, I felt a small weight lifted off of my shoulders.

May 24, 2024, 2:54 pm Greenskate City

Earlier, I got a call from my boss saying that they need me to write a book and they are giving me 2 months to finish it. Feeling stressed and anxious, I decided to go back to the Cafe and ordered what I had the last time. After getting my cake and drink, I went to the table near the freedom wall. As I was about to sit down, I noticed that someone had replied to the note I wrote on the wall, “I know you don’t know me and you might think that I’m a kidnapper or something but I would really like to hear you talk about what you are going through right now. I will be waiting at the park near this coffee shop every Saturday at 8 pm and I will wait for you for an hour, Sam :).” I contemplated whether to meet-up with Sam and talk to them or if I should just ignore the note they left me.

May 30, 2024, 8:39 pm Greenskate Park

Well, I could not believe it but I decided to meet Sam— maybe they could really help me with my problems. I had been carrying them for the past few years and I just really needed someone who can listen without judging me. As soon as I arrived at the park, I saw someone sitting on a bench as if waiting for someone else. I walked slowly and approached carefully so as not to startle them.

“Hi, I’m Sam. I’m 27 years old and I’m a Website Developer. Nice to finally meet you,” she said, standing up while offering her right hand for me to shake.

“Why did you reply to my note?” Thinking back, I may have sounded rude by asking that question and also, for not bothering to say my name first.

I didn’t realize I spoke so plainly, something about her made me feel so calm and at ease.

“I saw my older sister in your note,” she answered. My confusion was probably all over my face because she continued, “My older sister was struggling. She was constantly put under a lot of pressure by our parents, her friends, her classmates, and even herself. I saw how her bubbly, positive, and outgoing self faded away right in front of my own eyes. I was always there for her, but at the same time I wasn’t, and when she needed me the most, I wasn’t there to help her.”

I saw her sincerity when I looked into her eyes. She really wanted to help others and not make the same mistake she did before.

“It wasn’t your fault, you know that right?”

“Back then, I didn’t. I blamed myself for what happened to her. If only I had been there for her, if only I didn’t leave her alone with all her thoughts when I knew that she was struggling so badly. But I came to accept what happened and now I believe that yes, it wasn’t my fault,” she said as we shared the view of the night sky.

It was a quiet, peaceful moment for us before I decided to finally break the ice and tell her everything I had been keeping inside.

“I don’t know where to start,” she looked at me saying, “Why don’t you start from the very beginning?”

After a long and heavy sigh, I started to let it out.

“Since I was a kid, I have loved reading books. It got to the point where whenever you see me it’s either I’m sleeping or flipping pages. Since I loved reading and writing, I joined my school’s student publication. I was 15 at the time. That’s when I decided that I wanted to be a writer when I grew up. I enjoyed writing— I got to express myself and bring to life the characters and stories I have always imagined growing up. Sad to say, my parents and the people around me weren’t supportive with the career I wanted to take; they were saying a lot of hurtful things about how I’m not going to make it as a distinguished writer and that I won’t get enough money to support myself.” I looked down and fiddled with my fingers. I took a deep breath before continuing,

“But because of that, I was motivated. I wanted to prove myself to them. So I decided to take Creative Writing in college, move out of our house, and live in the school dorm. I took a part-time job to support myself while balancing my studies, and I succeeded. I graduated with honors and because of the exposure from works I published in my school newspaper, a publishing company hired me as a writer.” I paused my story to gather my thoughts.

“And then? What happened after that?”

“At first I was so happy. I can finally prove to them that I can pursue my passion while earning money and being successful. I drove myself to write story after story about anything that I could think of. I wrote in every genre I could just to prove that I had the versatility a writer should have. But, slowly, that fire burned out; I lost the inspiration and imagination to continue writing. Nowadays, I’m struggling so much that everytime I write a story, I can’t seem to finish it without having a breakdown. I’m drained, I have nothing else to give. To make matters worse, my publishing company is pushing me to write a book and finish it in less than 2 months or else they’ll fire me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel like the whole world is against me and that someone out there is punishing me and making me suffer,” I answered, finally breaking down and venting out everything.

“I’m happy you shared that with me. I personally don’t know the struggles and challenges that writers face, but I did also struggle after what happened to my sister. I was at the point in my life where I felt like I was only living to suffer the memories that haunt me every night, but I pushed through it. I didn’t let my inner demons win, I fought back. I knew that I was stronger and that I just had to find something or someone to hold on to, to survive— and I did.” She took out her wallet, ruefully looking at a picture of two kids— I can only guess, her and her sister.

“I don’t even know if I still have the will to fight,” I said truthfully.

“If you can’t fight this battle, then I will fight with you; I can’t fight for you since it is still your battle to fight and overcome. You can hold on to me for support, and we will fight through it together,” she said, looking at me while holding my hand in hers.

“You have me.”

For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I could win this battle.

October 22, 2029, 5:48 pm Greenskate Apartment

The past 5 years felt like a rollercoaster. I faced so many challenges and I struggled so much that I felt like I couldn't keep up, but I wasn’t alone. I had someone keeping me in check, holding my hand, and guiding me through all of it. I had someone who gave me strength, which I sorely needed. You see, I still had a lot of breakdowns and right now, I’m currently having one.

It started when I was cleaning the bedroom. I found my diary from back when I was in High School. I didn’t know what came over me. I thought it’d be a good idea to revisit the life I had as a teenager, so I read it. Well, I was wrong. I wasn’t ready. Everything came rushing back to me once again: the feeling of being alone, the hopelessness, the desperation for someone to notice I was struggling, and the need for them to save me. As I got sucked back into those memories, I didn’t realize someone was there behind me. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me.

She’s here. She’s back.

“Hey, what happened?” Her arms were firmly wrapped around me.

I kept on crying, I didn’t know how to answer her question. She seemed to sense that I couldn’t answer her, so she just kept on hugging me and rubbing my back to calm me down— like she always does whenever I have a breakdown.

“Are you okay now?” She asked, as she held my face.

“Yeah, I think so,” I whispered softly, hugging her close.

“Do you want to tell me what happened while I was out?” She looked at me with concern written all over her face then helped me sit on the sofa.

This is what I love about her. She never pushes me to tell her what I’m feeling or what I'm thinking; she always asks me first if I’m comfortable sharing them.

“I was cleaning our room and I found my diary in a box full of my stuff from when I was a teenager. I thought I was doing well, seeing a therapist and talking about my problems really does help me. And being with you makes me feel safe and happy. That’s why I decided to read it. I thought that if I did, I could finally move on from my past. But I was wrong, it didn’t help me at all, it didn’t even make me feel better. Reading it felt like I was back there, in my hometown feeling helpless with no one to hold on to,” I answered, feeling ashamed.

She didn’t say anything. Instead, she pulled me into a hug, wrapped her arms around me, and put my head on her shoulder. We just sat there, holding each other, feeling each other’s warmth and the love that we have for each other.

“It’s okay if you’re not yet ready to move on from the past, no one’s rushing you. Just take your time to accept what happened and from there, slowly let go of the pain you endured. I’m sorry that I wasn’t there for you before, but I’m here now. I’m not letting you go. You have me to hold on to, I promise.” She looked me in the eyes and gave me a heart-melting smile.

“Thank you for being my home.”

Tears of Today: Book Signing Event July 28, 2034, 6:10 pm JKM Publishing Company

“She gave me hope when I lost it. She really fought alongside me. She never left my side even though I kept pushing her away and shutting her down. She believed in me when I did not even believe in myself. I’ll forever be grateful for her coming into my life.” I said, finishing my story. Funny how a simple book signing event turned into a long storytelling session.

“Where is she now?” A reporter asked.

I drank my water before smiling and answered the question, “Well, she’s now my wife.”

#MC2023 #MainCharacter #literary #english #nanamin