#also it was relatable to me bc like I found out I was aro after trying a dating app and the comic was abt figuring out being aro after

[entropy-sea-system]

I know corporations just perform pride or whatever but. Unexpectedly found a comic about being aro, on a food delivery app, and it also had a proper definition of aro and acknowledged that aros may or may not experience sexual attraction!!

#also it was relatable to me bc like I found out I was aro after trying a dating app and the comic was abt figuring out being aro after #dating and not being that into it #aro #like. yes I know I should be upset corporations perform pride or whatever but fuck that. #was literally happy stimming bc I didnt expect to see a portrayal of my identity #yes corporations suck but YES Im happy ppl will know abt aros #I mean. ppl were happy abt jaiden animations EVEN if the vid had some ableist assumptions #and expected ppl to 'at least love family friends pets etc.' #and I felt really talked over as someone w low empathy who's afamilial and apl #and so did aros w similar identities. #I was still upset when I saw a mutual had posted abt the vid positively without even mentioning the ableist part some time ago

[confused-disaster32]

Hi! So you can call this a rant or a vent or whatever I don't rlly care - I just wanted to put some of my opinions out there bc it is eating me inside out to keep my opinions on Alastor's sexuality and all of the discourse about him being shipped to myself.

Also i'd like to state that I'm writing this as someone who is aroace but has no actual wish to be in a romantic relationship and actually struggles to so much as picture what that's be like for myself. I would also like to state how I'm not speaking for the whole community and others will have different opinions to myself.

Firstly - aroace is a spectrum (as someone who is on the aroace spectrum btw) and I completely agree with ppl who say that it is a spectrum and shipping has always existed and you can't rlly stop an entire fandom. My only problem is when ppl completely ignore that he is aroace while doing this, bc to me it seems like there's so much potential to having him have to go through those types of emotions and to write him off as if he's completely allo not only can make some people feel unseen but also just isn't as fun.

Also I kind of believe that he'd possibly date someone for the entertainment - like even if he didn't exactly feel romantic attraction maybe he'd be willing to be around someone closely bc he might like the reactions he'd be getting. (example: he might've stayed in a relationship with Vox maybe not out of pure attraction but if he found out that affection could make the TV short-circuit? He'd be interested)

Adding to that, I personally do not actually ship him with anyone romantically due to his character + the fact that I am projecting my own distaste for romance on him but you do you ig.

Also, on the note of nsfw around him - sometimes you cannot stop a fandom, rule 34 exists and some people who are asexual sometimes may want to have sex and all of that stuff. Personally I think he'd probably be sex-repulsed due to the fact that he canonically has issues with being touched.

ALSO, i personally think that way too many people are brushing over the idea of putting Alastor in a QPR - like that would literally be so awesome.

Alastor x Rosie? Cute af (to me Rosie gives of aro vibes too, but more romance - favourable) like they're already besties and honestly I think that Rosie would defo help him figure out about his identity considering that he's quite obviously not all that sure about slang and stuff.

Vox x Alastor - It has the potential to be SO FUCKING FUN like, you get to experiment with how they feel for each other, maybe what Alastor's got going on bc he died before being aroace was rlly a thing and he'd be confused about how he felt about Vox for sure.

Lucifer x Alastor - I quite like it, ik that Lucifer is supposed to be with Lillith but she did take an extremely long hiatus on her family up in heaven so i think it's okay. Plus the idea of them bonding and becoming close due to Charlie is wonderful.

Even angel and Alastor - maybe after Val Angel doesn't want a super sexual relationship - maybe he's not all that interested in something purely romantic either and though I love huskerdust this would still be pretty cool.

Really all I'm saying is; be considerate. Incorporate the fact that Alastor is Aroace, even if you do ship him - in or out of QPRs - and ofc sometimes writing someone who is part of a group ur not in is difficult (coming from someone who often struggles in writing especially when it comes to romance) but taking a crack at it might actually turn out to be rlly cool.

But please don't ignore his aroace-ness, there's not a huge amount of aroace characters out there and acting like someone isn't can be annoying for ppl who want to find rep around their identity, esp if they haven't seen much before (I can relate and he was one of the first aroace characters I was introduced to after I found out what it meant).

So yeah, that's my piece.

#hazbin hotel #aromantic alastor #asexual alastor #aroace alastor #TW: opinions #Alastor is my fav character and I need to put my opinions about him somewhere #SHIPPING IS FINE JUST DO IT RESPECTFULLY AND DON'T TRY AND ERASE SOMEONE'S SEXUALITY OR ROMANTIC ORIENTATION #alastor in qpr #put this man in a qpr #pls #I literally can find only like 1 fic of him in a qpr from like 2020 #someone make this content - I need it horribly #alastor and rosie's qpr is canon in my heart #they'd be adorable #like charlie's supportive aunt and uncle #or an extra set of parents for her idk #personally believe that alastor is sex-repulsed and not interested in romance #sex-repulsed alastor #also headcanon rosie as aroace #she's romance favourable and alastor is romance non-favourable #they're still besties tho

[secrets-from-a-person-in-pieces]

okay so, i read a lot abt aro people that has never been in any relationships, and ofc, but please, just a question, is it possible or does anyone relate to; having been in two romantic relationships earlier in life, but thinking back you don’t think you ever liked them romantically, you just did not have friends, and someone liked you???? idk

i have also realised that like AT LEAST 90% of people i have thought i liked i 100% never liked. and that you can’t just kinda just stop liking someone by choice. and some of my friends have pointed out that it mostly seems like i hyperfixate on people, and not like i like them yk?

also i’m definetly cupio if i am aro i just don’t know. can anyone please tell me aaaanything if you found out you were aro after a relationship.

also, i am ace, and did not know that then.. unfortunately. so a lot abt those relationships are just.. weird.. thinking back. bc i thooought yk but no.

#aromantic #aroace #arospec #aro #ace #cupioromantic #am i aro or what is this #please help out a questioning person here

[raayllum]

Anymore ace-spec/aro-spec Rayllum headcanons. I take them as basically canon lol it makes me feel comfortable to see not one but two characters like me. 😁

As usual these are demiromantic!Callum and demisexual!Rayla related headcanons but any and all aspec headcanons are welcome. This is just how I write 'em!

listen Callum being canonically still in love with Rayla two years later even after everything bc she was his Best Close Good Friend is one of the most aspec things I've ever seen. Boi is so demiromantic it hurts

On that note, now that it's over: Callum being able to see/tell how different his feelings were for Claudia vs his feelings for Rayla

Modern AU Rayla and Callum meeting each other at an aspec meet up. They're demi but on different axises and spend a lot of time going same hat. Plus, just cause other people are aspec doesn't mean you'll bond with them, so Rayla very much feels like he's the only person super worth getting to know at the place, and that's mostly because he wore her down with a cheesey opening (friendship) line

On that note: modern AU where they've been best friends for ever he is 100% the person who helps her figure out her demisexuality, cue researching late at night and showing her what he's found, and I love that for them

Their physical side is almost always very playful and teasing and tender/loving (think 3x07 flirt scene) with only brief exceptions. Lots of laughing, maybe sometimes 'too much.' They wouldn't have it any other way

Bloodmoon Huntress emphasizing the importance Rayla places on a Best Friend specifically when they literally could've gone a romantic route (aka her hoping to find love like the kind Ruthari does) so easily?? Coincidence?? I think not

Also cannot speak too much about it bc it's not posted yet but I got to transcribe the Jack de Sena interview coming to Hot Brown Morning Potion soon and the man emphasizes like Multiple times that Rayllum is "yes romantic but Also" (platonic) and like. he Understood the assignment, god bless

#rayllum #aspec rayllum #i'm assuming you've read previous headcanons i've posted but #send me an ask and i'll link you if not <3 #thanks for asking #requests #anonymous

[thethiefandtheairbender]

You’ve mentioned it a couple times before, do you have any advice for coming to terms with being aromantic/ on that spectrum?

I do!

So my aromanticism works differently because I'm alterous and do experience some romantic attraction (even if it is heavily, heavily compounded and impacted by platonic attraction / feelings). I also don't experience any sexual attraction, so I can't help there for someone who's aro allo in the same way.

That said I found that most of my own internalized arophobia / aphobia that I had to deal with to comes to term with it was:

Feeling like how I experienced attraction was unnatural and that anyone who wanted to be with me in a life partner way would have to put up or settle for it. Very much not true! The way I experience attraction is totally normal even if it's not what I was taught to expect I would feel and it's something that brings joy to many of my relationships and to myself. So don't hold yourself to amatanormative or allonormative standards. You feel however you feel and it will manifest however it manifests; you have been granted a beautiful gift of intentionality in your relationships, and it will only make them even stronger. You will love people on purpose.

On that related note, when I did get a life partner (who is also ace and aro spec!) I felt like that I didn't deserve to be loved the way that I wanted to be, because it felt too exceptional / unique / unconditional. Letting yourself sink into safety and trust that you deserve the kind of relationships you want, exactly the kind of relationships you want (QPP, something vaguely romantic, poly platonic circles, or even just a good group of friends bc you don't want a primary or any life partner at all). I promise.

You're definitely in an adjustment period and that's okay. It may mean looking for labels that resonate (the one time I'll recommend reddit) or deciding that just aromantic or arospec suits you just fine. You will also probably have 'aro' checks, as I definitely did with my asexuality, in terms of "Do I really not experience this type of attraction? How do I know? What if it's this?" For me this went away after six months, but they happened pretty regularly (aka a few times a week) until then and got less common over time.

Being aromantic / aro spec is really fun, actually! You get puns, to laugh at allos, and creating friendships with other aspec people (or helping your friends realize they're also aspec) is one of life's true joys. You get to save a lot of money and time because you're not concerned with romance and generally get to make better life choices, too, because you're focused on being independently fulfilled and emotional compatibility. It's really lovely.

And it's going to be okay. You're going to be okay as you figure things out. I promise that too.

(Also “Loveless” by Alice Oseman is fucking cathartic as hell. I can’t recommend it enough)

#aromantic #aromanticism #aro tag #thanks for asking #anonymous #dragons rambles

[movielp-pany]

Loveless by Alice Oseman

rating: 4,1/5

started and finished: 17/1/23 - 3/2/23

my general thoughts and opinions without spoilers: honestly it was a nice story and I enjoyed it! It was a nice breath of fresh air after all the angst I have been consuming. The characters are likable and I love how Alice Oseman crafted the story about being aro-ace and discovering it. Just generally I liked it, it isnt my favourite story out there, but its definitely worth checking out!

my more in dept thoughts and opinions with spoilers: (basically going over my notes/annotations on this book) (I will probably just ramble here lol) I love how there are so many relatable lines when Georgia goes clubbing for the first time. I have highlighted so many pieces of text here. I felt so bad for her at that moment. I also love how she referred to herself as a ''child'' bc she hasnt kissed someone nor had sex. I feel like that is such a realistic thing for a reason?? I did find it quite predictable that Jason had something for Georgia. Not that its exactly a bad thing, I just kind of saw it coming. I do like it how Georgia considers that she might have feelings for Jason and how she compares it to movies and stories. Immediately Georgia regretted the date, she didn't want to go on the date with Jason. She legitimately had to ask Rooney to reply for her. I think that just shows even more how she actually didnt want to do it, but sort of forced herself to go out with Jason. There were so many moments where it was so clear she didnt want to go out with Jason. Honestly I find it rather stupid that she kept doing it, but it was understandable why she did. I found Rooney as a character pretty interesting and I tried to get every piece of information that I could on her. But honestly I think there was more potential with her for some reason?? Like I think we couldve got more of her in away. While at the same time I think her character was pretty scattered?? I dont know if I am making any sense at all, I maybe will get back to her later. I also think we couldve gotten more of Jason. I dont know. Also I wished we couldve gotten more of Jason's and Sunil's friendship. Like Sunil could convince Jason to go to rehearsals (?) again. They definitely have something strong going on. On the topic Sunil is my favourite character, I love him as a character a lot. The way he had growht through out univerity just amazes me. Even though we dont exactly explore it, I do enjoy every bit we get of him. I am honestly proud that Rooney apologised and that she realized what she had done wrong. I did find the Ellis chapters a bit unnecessary, I mean I understand why she is there and all. But I think the book couldve functioned normally without her. I actually just realized after going through the book to write this. That Georgia choose that song specifically bc Pip wanted someone to declare their love to her with that song. It is just a nice touch I noticed. I did find the '''love declare'' from Rooney to Georgia a bit out of nowhere. Like it just happend a bit suddenly in my opinoin. I am happy that the book ended on the play and the 5 moving in thogether. Like it couldve ended on Georgia accepting that she is aro-ace but this is just better.

#wow this is longer than I expected #I am not reading that to see if I have missed anything #finns books #loveless #georgia warr #alice oseman #loveless by alice oseman #aroace

[aroacearsonist69]

Hiii <3 i won't ask you only one question, thats boring 👻

9,10,50

ʘ‿ʘ

Thank you for the ask :D

9. What made me realize I'm Aroace?

Well, I realized I'm ace first and it was on a walk outside with my asexual friend. He talked about his experience and I was like "Hold up, people actually feel sexual attraction???!!?? THAT EXISTS??" and then I tried on the label demiace to see if it fits me, but it didn't, since I thought I needed an emotional bond but it didn't change anything about the fact that I never felt sexual attraction lmao. So I had the asexual label for a very long time :D (Btw I also found the label aegosexual which I use alongside of identifying as ace)

Figuring out I'm aromantic took way longer tho

I remember also choosing the demiromantic label and having that one for way longer bc I couldn't grasp the concept of romantic attraction no matter what so I just stuck with "I bet I'll feel it once I have a deep enough connection with someone for sure".

A lot of time passes and after I broke up with my toxic ex, I reflected on my romantic attraction or rather the lack of it.

I looked back only to find that every time I confessed my "feelings" to someone, it was because I felt pressured to do so and going into a romantic relationship with that someone was something I had to do once I felt something (even though I didn't feel romantic attraction). After those confessions and making a relationship official I just felt dreaded and sad, without knowing the cause and being mad at myself because "I'm supposed to be happy rn". Kissing always felt like a robotic action, like my mind was somewhere else and I was overanalyzing my lip movements without actually enjoying the kissing part. Besides, kissing (especially with tongue) is very repulsing for me.

My other friend (who is Aroace and figured out being aro way earlier then me) once told me that "wait, why can't you do all those things in a romantic relationship also in a platonic one? It all sounds like friendship to me."

I should've known earlier when I related very hard to that statement and couldn't answer their question when they asked me what romantic attraction is supposed to feel like.

So I finally came to terms with being Aroace! (Quoi- and belllusromantic as well) and now have two very amazing queerplatonic relationships :)

10. What would I rather do then a romantic relationship?

Being so close to my friends that everyone assumes we are romantic partners even though we know we aren't, cuddles, kisses on the forehead and sharing domestic lives. But also, I want to be pinned down by pretty boys and kissed along my neck (I enjoy kisses on my neck because they actually feel good, unlike kisses to the lips) and have a make out session without the making out...you know? (AGH IT'S SO COMPLICATED)

50. Any arospec headcanons?

Okay, hear me out, but I think Kunikida is aromantic/greyromantic.

Because the way he plans out his "The one" to the point you could consider them fictional because the standards are so high? That man just has internalised aphobia because he wants "To wait for the one and he won't date anyone else until he finds them" sounds very aro in denial to me. Or he is greyromantic and finds a person he does feel romantic attraction to and is like. "What the fuck, this isn't supposed to happen. I thought love is a thing I can choose and control??? The right one ACTUALLY EXISTS????"

so yeah.

Sorry for the rambling I usually don't get to talk a lot about my Aroace identity in real life so thanks for listening :3

[zels-echoes]

would u like to make friends about banana man that exclusively do not ship him or r u ok with people who ship him with others as long as it doesnt loop around to that? bc as someone who ships him i can totally understand the worry, people who ship him tend to uhhhhhhh not write him as his own person bc they only care about aizawa or one of the kids or smth. and i only care about mic but i ship him bc i want him to have love bc horikoshi is like you there. dj dipshit. i cast trauma upon ye

Short answer: I’m absolutely fine with the latter.

Long answer:

Here’s my stance on shipping, and more specifically on erasermic since that is the main thing Mic folk ship…

I do not, at this time, ship erasermic. However, I don’t want people to read that and believe I am anti-erasermic. If Horikoshi writes it and makes them canon by the end of the series, fantastic. I’m all for it. I’m sorry to say I’m just not a huge fan of the way the majority of the fan base ships them. Most of the stuff I see coming from erasermic stuff is Mic being treated like an accessory to Aizawa or vice versa (Like what you’re talking about here), forcing crushes between each other where they don’t exist (Example: Young Aizawa looking at photos of cats on his phone and someone photoshopping that to look like he’s blushing hard while looking at pictures of Mic in the Vigilantes flashback), pretending Shirakumo doesn’t exist or rooting for him to stay dead because he’s a threat to erasermic, and worst of all, them being sexualized to shit. I’ve gotten angry ‘homophobe’ remarks slammed at me for not shipping them as well, but I could easily turn around and call those people ‘aphobes’ for not respecting my own opinion and interpretations of them. I also just don’t want to fall deep into a brainrot of a ship that may not wind up canon and then be disappointed. Ya know? I’d rather let Hori tell his story first before I’m on board to ship anything.

I’m aro/ace, and Aizawa, to me, is the most aro/ace character I’ve ever seen in media. I cannot tell you how liberating it was for me to watch Aizawa shoot Joke’s advances on him down so fast when most of the time the characters would be gullible enough for fall for stupid shit like that and it’s so tiring. He’s not even phased by Midnight’s shit like in the school briefs where she tells him ‘you must be boring in bed’ and he responds ‘bed? I prefer sleeping bag’. However, and this is the best part to me, just because I feel like Aizawa is aro/ace doesn’t mean an aro/ace cannot love cause this is a common misconception about aro/aces. I strongly believe we have seen Aizawa love someone, just not the common type of love most people think of, and that’s with Shirakumo. Just look at the Vigilantes story, the way Aizawa looks at him is like the man is the light of his life, the way Shirakumo’s voice was still in his head when he took down the big villain despite him being dead, or how he lost it and broke down when he found out what happened to him after he died. It cannot be denied that Shirakumo has had such an immense impact on his life. This love Aizawa has for him is not romantic or sexual in nature, but that of a deep emotional attachment. Ship or not, there is no type of love more beautiful or relatable to me than that. Yet, the majority of Aizawa’s fan base sexualizes the fuck out of the dude and want to believe he’s a wild ass horn dog without a care in the world. While I am not going to go and tell people what to do, it still hurts to see all of that kind of stuff, y’know? It is really really hard and lonely to be someone who is aro/ace among all of that stuff, so I just kinda sit in my own little corner of the net and let people who want to approach me talk to me and be my friend despite it all.

Meanwhile, Mic.. Mic is just kinda… There. Even though Mic is my fav, he’s always been a total wildcard to me when it comes to love and relationships just because I feel like we don’t get enough about him or his inner thoughts and who he is (which is what I am PRAYING we’re about to get with Ch 373+). I mean, I GET why people ship Mic with Aizawa. I do. People like you, and even myself, want Mic to be loved and happy (although, my inner aro/ace coming out again, you don’t NEED a relationship to be happy) and Aizawa is the one person we know is closest to him and always has his back. Does Mic have feelings for Aizawa? It’s entirely possible. I have no denial on Mic’s side of it. But, after everything I just said about Aizawa, Aizawa has not displayed any feelings like that towards Mic and I need this relationship to go both ways if I’m ever gonna ship it. We also don’t really know too much about Mic and his life most especially beyond the 3 dumbigos. He’s always seemed kinda aloof to me like when he was just kinda standing around awkwardly (if not uncomfortable) when Midnight was around in the Vigis flashbacks. Even though he’s loud and social af, I don’t think we’ve really seen him be much of a flirt either. Just know he has that one line where he says ‘my voice breaks ladies hearts and reinforced glass into a million pieces’ and I interpret that as him trying to get with the ladies, but he’s either such a loud mouth or so bad at talking to women that he sucks at it just like Franky from SxF lol (poor guys). I’ve personally settled on him as being demisexual for now. Dude could be bi or gay af or as straight as an arrow for all I know. Respectfully, to each their known with how they interpret him on that though.

But yeah, if people wanna be my friend and talk to me about Mic stuff or MHA stuff in general without involving shipping. That’d be lovely and I’d appreciate that lots.

#ask me #I’ll respectfully keep character and shipping tags outta this

[volturiwolf]

The Volturi Princess - A Felix Volturi x fem!Reader Story (part 1)

A/N: This is the first Volturi- and Twilight-related story I ever started writing and it is quite long and elaborated/complex, as I tend to overanalyze in many parts. I have wrote a few parts until now and I'll be uploading them in the future. I have been quite emotional throughout writing it, trying to understand the reader's point of view.

A/N 2: I'm sorry if something doesn't make sense. English is not my first language. I also include Italian through the story, with translation, but I'm not a native or a speaker, so I'd like to apologize in advance to those who speak Italian. Enjoy :)

A/N 3: According to "The Amagi" on Youtube, Felix was born in 250 BC (their thumbnail), so I used that in my story.

No of Words: about 5347

Mentions of: Abandonment, Abortion, Anxiety, Blood, Bruises, Coma/Comatosed State, Death Emotional Abuse, Emotional and Physical Pain, Gaslighting, Greece/Greek Language - with translation, Heartbreak, Italian Language - with translation, Manipulation, Murder, Pain, Panic Attacks, Pregnancy, Suffering, Suicide/Suicidal Thoughts, Swear Language, Throwing Up/Puking, Witches/Wizards/Witchcraft

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

My heart felt heavy. I may have just escaped the cruelest vampire of all, but I also ran away from the love of my life, my mate, the only person who could fully understand me in this world. I asked him to run away with me, but, although our bond was strong, he felt obliged to stay loyal to his master, his creator. I drove as fast as I could, away from the sunny Volterra, and away from him.

-------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N) grew up quite privileged, in Vampire terms. Being born into the Volturi coven was something many vampires could only dream about. (Y/N) was abandoned by her parents when she was a baby, but Aro, one of the three Volturi leaders, took her under his protection, and offered her more things than she could ever have imagined. After all, she was his only biological granddaughter, the “Volturi princess”, an heiress to the throne; her mother lost that “privilege” when she met and fell in love with a wizard.

(Y/N)’s mother soon got pregnant with her, and then later turned her husband into a vampire to help her with her pregnancy, and stay together forever. However, (Y/N)’s parents couldn’t raise her because they wanted to run free and careless, not commit to anything permanent, so Aro took over and raised his granddaughter with the highest honors and privileges, “as a princess should be raised”.

(Y/N) was a mix of Vampire, Witch and Human, due to the grandmother, Sulpicia, being human when Aro found her; Sulpicia later fell pregnant with (Y/N)’s mother, and Aro transformed her to vampire, as he had planned all along. Aro raised (Y/N) according to his own rules and morals, teaching her how to kill humans to feed from, how to attack and slip away from her opponents, how to lead other vampires, and most importantly, how to keep her identity and existence a secret, not only to humans, but other non-Volturi vampires as well. No one could know that there was a possibility of a vampire having a child with a human, and that the child could be effectively controlled and raised as a regular vampire.

As (Y/N) grew older and older, reaching the human age of 25 within 7 years of her birth, Aro would spend more and more time with her, examining and studying her possibilities and her potential powers’ development. (Y/N) grew up to be extremely strong and fast, an excellent tracker with great intelligence and understanding of the world around her. However, Aro could not risk sending her to “Volturi duties”. She was his hope for a stronger coven; with (Y/N) in the throne, Aro felt like he could conquer the vampire world with ease.

That’s why he was always searching for the best guards he could find, to protect the coven and do his work instead of himself, Caius, or (Y/N). He couldn’t rely on Marcus, as he proved to be too emotional since Didyme died, but was still valuable for his plan. Caius, on the other hand, although powerless, was far more sadistic and “diligent” in following vampire rules, and (Y/N)... (Y/N) was just too obedient, following every order Aro gave her - a strong asset for the Volturi.

Aro was changing guards and trackers quite easily, disposing them when they were no longer needed or when he found better ones. He needed talented and strong vampires to serve the coven and do their work.

Chelsea was the very first vampire Aro created solely to serve the Volturi, after recognizing her potential when she was human. Chelsea’s gift of relationship manipulation was truly useful in bringing new vampires into the coven and was used thousands of times during Volturi's reign. It could also easily dispose of them, making their bonds with other vampires break at will; those vampires were isolated by the other vampires and then killed - Aro couldn’t risk letting them get away knowing the Volturi’s secrets and life.

About 100 years later, Corin joined the Volturi, just a couple decades after (Y/N)’s birth. Corin’s gift of addictive contentment was the one which kept Marcus in the Volturi after Didyme’s death - along with Chelsea’s to make him committed to Aro’s greater plans, and was also used on Sulpicia, Athenadora and any other vampire in the Volturi guard to keep them satisfied being in the Volturi. Under Aro’s instructions, Corin was keeping Chelsea content with being in the Volturi, and Chelsea was keeping Corin loyal to them, each of them using their gifts against each other, without their knowledge.

Sometime between 230 and 220 BC, while travelling in Rome, searching for additional vampires to add to the coven, Aro supposedly met a young, strong and ambitious fighter, who wished to become a gladiator one day, named Felix. Felix did not only look, but also was physically capable of fighting even with beasts, during his short time as a fighter, way before the Colosseum was built. Born into a poor family, his strength was his only way of making money, and becoming a gladiator was his only way out of poverty, a way to provide for both his family and himself.

When his family was almost imprisoned by Roman army officers for outstanding debts, Felix was forced to make a deal with them to fight, in whatever they ordered him to. Fighting turned out to be the only way for Felix to deal with his emotions and rage towards people in power. When Aro approached Felix, he was promised a good life, where he wouldn’t have to worry about surviving another day. Felix did not seem willing enough, not being fond of the idea of serving people in power, who he so despised.

Luckily for Aro, Chelsea was the one who “convinced” Felix to join the Volturi guard, with Aro changing him afterwards. Unlike previous guards, Felix showed impeccable strength, speed and talent towards both dodging and initiating attacks, eventually making him a permanent member in the Volturi Guard, along with Chelsea and Corin.

Felix was assigned as the leading guard for the three kings’ protection, this role extending to the protection of their two wives and (Y/N); though Aro knew that, if it came to anyone attacking his granddaughter, she would be able to handle it by herself. However, he still wanted to make sure that she was safe and that Aro would do anything to protect her.

For about a couple millennias, (Y/N) was content with her situation, being the “Volturi princess” and all that. Besides, having Felix in the Volturi was another reason to stay in the coven, apart from staying loyal and true to Aro for taking her in, when she was abandoned.

Every time Felix looked into her eyes, she felt her whole body burn - though, it wasn’t a feeling of suffering, rather a feeling of longing, waiting for something to happen so badly that her body couldn’t control itself. Although she was partially a vampire, (Y/N) would feel like she couldn’t breathe, like her legs were ready to give up on her, like she wanted to grab Felix and never let go.

Felix, although not admitting it even to himself, would feel the same way, but he knew that his position would not allow him to approach (Y/N) in such a way. He was just a guard - although he was the strongest of them all, and she was the Volturi princess, one of his masters, whom he was only allowed to approach in order to protect. He didn’t want Aro to know he saw his granddaughter like that; it could cost him his position in the guard, or even his life. So, he kept these feelings deep within him, not allowing them to resurface, or act upon them.

However, every time these two existed at the same place, the invisible sparks between them would fly left and right. And only one vampire was able to see them. One who hadn’t felt these sparks in centuries.

--------------------------------------------------------

(Y/N)’s POV:

I yawned loudly as I woke from a long, much needed sleep. I was the only vampire around who was able to sleep, mostly due to my non-vampire natures. I didn't really need to sleep on a regular basis, but when I did, I could literally sleep 3 days straight and nobody would be able to wake me up. “For my own protection”, as Aro said, I would always have at least two guards outside of my room’s door, in case anything happened while I was sleeping. Like what could even happen? My room was at the furthest side of this huge castle. I’m pretty sure that if there ever was an attack against the Volturi, it would most probably have been dealt with immediately, and the attacker wouldn’t make it anywhere near my room.

I felt the warm sun on my skin, slightly glowing and sparkling beautifully. My eyes, mostly (Y/E/C) with a golden ring around the pupil, could easily adjust to the light. Unlike the other vampires, I could easily live among humans; I could sleep, eat human food, my skin not being as sparkly as others, and I could control my thirst far better than others.

Since Jane and Alec joined the coven, Aro would show an immense interest in them and their skills, helping them train daily and develop their powers further, eventually forgetting about me. I would spend more and more days away from the castle, “protected” by my anonymity, getting to know humans more and more. The longer I was observing them, the more they would trigger my interest in them. They could feel true emotions, real pain, real hurt, real love. They had their families, they received an unconditional love that I could never have.

Unbeknownst to Aro or anyone else for that matter, I have started developing new powers, similar to the other vampires in the Volturi coven or anyone else outside of it. I have also started noticing that I may have an immunity towards others’ talents, feeling that neither Corin’s addictive contentment made me satisfied with being in the Volturi, nor Chelsea’s relationship manipulation could keep me loyal to Aro anymore. If it weren’t for Felix, or Demetri and the Twins, who have all become my best friends by now, I would have probably left.

A vampire named Carlisle Cullen had visited the Volturi and stayed with us for a while, about 100 years ago. He saw the way the Volturi treated humans like they were nothing, and how they were as cruel as to kill other vampires, with the excuse that they were exposing our kind with the way they lived. Entire covens had been wiped out due to such excuses, a way to eliminate potential enemies from becoming too powerful and find as many talented vampires as possible and force them to join the Volturi.

Carlisle was talking about a new way of life, where vampires wouldn’t have to kill humans to survive, a life where vampires and humans could live in peace, without harming each other. He was insisting that vampires could survive on animal blood just as efficiently as with human blood; that animal blood would not make them weaker, and that it would be a much more ethical and sustainable way to feed.

Of course, Aro and Caius were the first ones to mock his proposition, clearly not caring about humans’ feelings and pain. Marcus did not budge at all, his heartache making him indifferent to anything around him. But I was growing more and more interested in this alternative way of life; I was, after all, feeding on human food already, so that I was feeding on human blood as little as I could.

It was a few years after Carlisle left Volterra that Eleazar joined the Volturi. Aro forced him to join after finding out he could detect if someone had any special ability. Aro considered his gift useful in identifying if any of his enemies had any special power when in battles, or when he sent Eleazar around the world to recruit talented vampires.

Eleazar was clearly not liking the way the Volturi forced their ways and wants on others, and how they could take advantage of others for their own benefit. I could just sense that he was displeased and was forcing himself to stay in the coven, one, due to Corin’s and Chelsea’s gifts, and two, out of fear of what could happen to him and his mate, Carmen.

Carmen, a vampire from Spain, like Eleazar, met with Eleazar while he was a guard here, they fell in love, and eventually, Eleazar decided to leave the Volturi and run away with Carmen. Aro decided that he did not care about him and his gift as much as others’, so he let him go unharmed, “blessing” them for safe travels.

Just a few days before he left, I consulted him on my own powers. Though a lower member of the guard, Eleazar had his own room, a decent place to stay, and spend his endless hours in. I knocked slightly on the door.

“Come in”, a calm voice was heard. I opened the door and came into his room. Carmen was sitting on the edge of their bed and Eleazar was reading a book on his desk. They both smiled sweetly. I just felt and knew they were too nice to fit anywhere in here, among the cruel and strict Volturi.

“(Y/N)! So nice to see you!”Carmen exclaimed and stood to hug me. The second we hugged I started seeing parts of her life in Spain, the calm waters of Catalunya, the vast vineyards where she would spend the early years of her life… I quickly detached myself from her embrace. I just couldn’t invade her privacy like that. She and Eleazar both looked at me worried, as if I had offended them.

“I’m sorry. I just can’t let you “show” me your whole life like that!” I looked at Carmen apologetically.

“(Y/N), you saw Carmen’s life?” Eleazar continued, intrigued by my words.

“That’s why I came to talk to you. I..I feel like I’ve been developing a gift, or a few gifts, to be completely honest. And I feel like.. like I have a specific power one day, and another power the next!” I stated frantically.

It was the first time I have openly talked about my powers to anyone, and I was shaking just by the words that came out of my mouth. Eleazar did not say anything, he just stood there for a few minutes, I supposed “examining” me, as if a doctor checking on a patient.

“Remarkable.” He said calmly. He looked at his mate with excitement, as if he just discovered a lost treasure. “(Y/N) has one of the most remarkable gifts I have ever seen.” He then turned to me. “You, (Y/N), are able to copy anyone else’s gifts and keep them as your own. You don’t even have to be in contact with them. Just by meeting someone, you can obtain their powers. I have never met anyone like that. You also seem to have obtained immunity to others’ powers, kind of like a shield. I have met such vampires before. From the stories Aro has been telling, your mother was like that. It is likely that you copied that gift for her. Such vampires are extremely useful to themselves or even others, in battles. Like themselves, you can use your gift to protect others from others’ powers, beside yourself.”

That came too sudden to my ears. I have assumed that I may have at least one power, but I didn’t realise I could copy others’ powers. That is why I was showing signs of Aro’s power!

“How can I train my powers? Eleazar! Carmen! You have to help me!”

“As you know, we will be leaving soon. I don’t know if there will be enough time to train you.”

“It’s okay. We will train as much as you want. Please, Eleazar! Please, Carmen!” I started begging them. As if they were hypnotized, they quickly looked at each other and agreed to help me.

The next few days, before Eleazar and Carmen’s departure, included intense training, far away from Volterra, deep in the woods, where no human could interrupt us. I couldn’t say the same for vampires, but I hoped nobody would cross paths with us. Eleazar and Carmen helped me develop my self-control and self-awareness, concentrating through the deepest parts of my mind, resurfacing my shield and expanding it beyond my existence. I started to have control over it, as if it was an actual solid substance, a veil floating around me towards any direction I ordered it to go.

After Eleazar and Carmen left, I started travelling the world more, trying to copy as many powers as I could come across with, while also training my shield. My excitement for the endless possibilities was what kept me going - kind of when Aro would add another talented vampire to his Guard. His Guard. Felix. I wonder how he was. I hadn’t seen him in a while. I wondered if he thought of me like I thought of him.

After travelling pretty much anywhere I could reach, I eventually went back to where it all started: I went to Greece. Aro met Sulpicia here, apparently my mom met my dad here. Maybe I could find out, understand why they left me. I have never met them, but I felt as if my tracking skills could detect them through my own existence.

I started travelling through the country, hoping that they stayed here or, at least, that they’re alive. I spent about 2 or 3 years in Greece, trying to take in every different place, while also avoiding the battles that seemed to take place in every other corner. I was feeding off animals mainly, mostly when I couldn’t find any other human food. I was washing myself in rivers, streams, whatever I could find.

I was stopping by any village that seemed to be still standing, asking about the current situation. The Greek Revolution, which started a few years ago, seemed to still be going on. The Ottomans, who had been occupying Greece for almost 400 years, could not allow Greeks to turn against them and start claiming their rights within the Ottoman Empire.

Many Greeks I met and talked to, admitted that some of the Ottomans were actually being nice to them; it was only the Ottoman government ordering their armies to execute massive massacres against Greeks, and after all this time, a few Greeks started gathering up and planning a revolution, away from Greece, in fear of being caught. They started getting organized and finding possible allies to help them with the Revolution; they just couldn’t risk getting caught within the country that they were hoping the independent Greece could become. The battles were becoming more and more intense, both on the mainland, as well as on the islands.

I started looking for answers, anything that could suggest that my parents were still alive and somewhere in Greece. To my surprise, I crossed paths with many Greek nomad vampires all over the country. They were also fighting against either Ottoman vampires or each other for territorial claims; however, they all talked me out of travelling north, towards Macedonia. The region had started being reclaimed back by Greek humans, but vampires were also seeing the potential for the area and they fought against each other for the land.

All of the nomads I encountered were talking about some of the most vicious vampires claiming the land, their enemies being literally slaughtered and burned to set an example for other vampires to back off their territory. I was intrigued, and I knew that, most probably, I would be able to deal with them or flee before they got to me.

So, I started travelling north, through the woods and mountains, in order to avoid any possible battle between humans, though many of them seemed to hide in the mountains, preparing for their battles. Macedonia was a quite big and vast region, so I had to travel quite a few days and search every possible corner.

I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I was feeling exhausted from all the searching. I haven’t fed in quite some time, and my throat was burning by the familiar need for blood. I haven’t seen any animals all these days, and I was wondering if they were gone or hiding.

Sadly, I came across a human. He seemed to be wounded, probably during a battle, his blood gushing out of his body. I couldn’t help myself, when I breathed in the smell, the burning sensation becoming unbearable. I thought of approaching him slowly, so as not to scare him, offering to help him, but deep down I just wanted to feed off of him.

“Γειά! Συγνώμη αν σε τρόμαξα. Σε είδα από μακριά. Μπορώ να σε βοηθήσω με κάποιο τρόπο; (Hey! Sorry if I scared you. I saw you from afar. Can I help you in any way?)” I offered calmly.

The man was trying to suppress his growls. I could sense his pain. I tried to help him stand on his feet, and then I saw all of his memories. He was in the army, fighting alongside Greeks against the Ottomans, in Macedonia, just outside of Thessaloniki. I didn’t even know I was so close to a city, let alone Thessaloniki.

He was trying to pass through the woods, when he came across what seemed to be two red-eyed vampires, one male and one female. They tried to attack him, but someone else managed to shoot him first, forcing the two vampires to run away. I don’t know how or why, these two felt familiar to me, I could feel that through his memories.

“Γειά! Μπορείς.. Μπορείς να πας στο κοντινότερο χωριό; Νομίζω.. Νομίζω ότι είδα κάτι στο δάσος, δε νομίζω ότι ήταν κάτι φυσιολογικό! Πρέπει.. Πρέπει να προειδοποιήσω τους άλλους! (Hey! Can.. Can you get me to the nearest village? I think.. I think I saw something in the woods, I don’t think it was something normal! I have.. I have to warn the others!)” He mumbled in between sharp shoots of pain.

“Με συγχωρείς πολύ! (I’m really sorry!)” I plead with guilty eyes. I put my hand in his wound, searching for the bullet, while he was consumed by pain. I took the bullet out of the wound, and quickly attached my lips on his skin, sucking the blood as fast as I could, biting deeply unintentionally. His screams were becoming louder and louder, so I covered his mouth with my hand, while trying to shut him up or break his jaw. A few seconds later, he stopped screaming, and I let his lifeless body fall, completely numb and drained out of blood.

I felt renewed, his blood travelling to every part of my body and giving me a new kind of strength that I haven’t felt in a while. I still felt guilty for killing him, but he was already wounded and I couldn’t risk him exposing our kind to others. I assumed that whoever found him - if anyone found him - would also assume that he died of blood loss, so I tried to position him in a realistic pose for that purpose, as best as I could. I left him there, and continued the search for my parents.

--------------------------------------------------------

I was running through the woods, trying to locate the two vampires from the guy’s memories. My mind was chaotic, I wasn’t thinking about something specific. I stopped in my tracks. What Aro taught me, and what I understood from Demetri’s tracking skills, is that you have to stop, take a breath and realize your position in the world. Then, you would be able to realize everything around you and find your targets. I have successfully found other vampires like that before, vampires who I have either met in person or smelled their scent, but I didn’t know if I could find someone through someone else’s memories of them.

I took a deep breath and tried to concentrate as best as I could, focusing on the smaller details of the guy’s memories of these vampires. I felt two vampires running on my west, about 10 kilometers away, and I ran after them. They were running fast, but I was way faster. Within a minute or two, I was running right behind their tracks. They must have realized that a stranger was following them, but, instead of running, they suddenly stopped. I stopped as well, and we were now facing each other.

The female had long, brunette, curly hair, and the male short, dark brown, straight hair; both of their hair looked shiny, healthy, and rich. They were of average height and their eyes were piercing red, as if they also fed quite recently. The female was exceptionally beautiful and enchanting; I could only compare her to Heidi’s exceptional beauty. The male looked quite stoic and austere, though still beautiful.

Both of them on defensive positions, waiting for me to attack. I wasn’t planning to move any further from my position; I was only waiting for their own reactions. I felt that kind of a burning sensation within me again, like a feeling buried deep inside me, trying to find an escape.

Suddenly, the male growled at me, flames springing out of his hands, and being thrown at me. I felt my heart fall out of my chest, fearing that this would be my end. As if my body reacted on its own, I felt my own shield extending out of my body, building a wall around me and protecting me from the male’s attack. My hands started burning and flames came out, ready to counterattack the male. The male looked at the female, dumbfounded by what he witnessed, still in a defensive position, but ready to attack again.

“I’M NOT HERE TO FIGHT YOU!” I shouted at both of them. “I’M JUST SEARCHING FOR SOMEONE!”

The male shrinked back, the female following close by. “Who are you looking for? We haven’t seen you around. Who are you? Why are you here?” The male requested. His voice serious, but smooth at the same time; a voice I could only describe as the warm earth below their bare feet.

“No, I’m not. I come from Italy, though I think I was born around here. My name is (Y/N), I’m looking for my parents. I don’t quite remember what they look like, but I’m pretty sure that they lived around here. They abandoned me when I was a baby.”

“This has been our territory for almost 3 millennials! We would have known if any humans abandoned their offspring around here!” The female exclaimed, as if she didn’t believe a word I said. I didn’t want to tell them the whole story, but I had to show them that I didn’t mean to fight in any way.

“I never said they were humans. My mother was actually sort of a vampire, like you.”

The female started letting her guards down. “What do you mean sort of? I’ve never heard of a “sort of vampire” before!” She continued doubtfully.

“Believe me or don’t, my mother was born half vampire, half human. My dad wasn’t even a vampire before she met him. He wasn’t even human to be honest.” My eyes started stinging slightly. I could have had a good, happy life if they didn’t abandon me. I wouldn’t have to grow up with Aro.

“You said you were from Italy.” I nodded at the male, as he continued. “You never said where exactly.”

I wasn’t sure if I should tell them my real origin; I wouldn’t like them to know I was a Volturi, but I knew I needed help to find my parents. If they were actually here as long as they say, they might have known or met my parents at some point.

“Volterra. I was born here, in Greece, like my mother, but grew up in Volterra with my grandparents.” I looked down, kind of scared, kind of anxious, waiting for their next move.

The female gasped. “Are you a Volturi?!” I looked at her, straight in the eyes, swallowed, and nodded. “I know the Volturi. Who are your grandparents?”

“Aro and Sulpicia.” I answered so quietly that, if they weren’t vampires, they wouldn’t have heard me, my voice trembling slightly.

The female suddenly fell on her knees, the male wrapping his arms around her, comforting her. I didn’t know what was going on. Did I say something wrong? Were they scared? The sheer mention of the Volturi would scare a lot of vampires, but I thought that maybe these two seemed strong enough to deal with them.

The female started sobbing, no tears coming out of her red eyes, her body shaking. I felt something within me break. I felt that I didn’t want to upset them, that’s why I was hesitant in telling them who I really was. The male looked at me, pain in his eyes. I saw a familiar look. I saw me in his eyes, what I looked at in my mirror anytime I was thinking about my parents, or, sometimes, when I thought of Felix.

“Are you a half witch?” The male asked quietly. Something snapped in me. How would he know that?

“I swear, I didn’t do anything to your mate! I DIDN’T!” I shouted at the male. I didn’t want him to think that I would hurt his mate, or himself.

“I know you wouldn’t. It’s just..” He looked at his mate who had stopped sobbing, but was still down on her knees, unable to stand up. “..my mate is Aro and Sulpicia Volturi’s only daughter.”

My body tensed and shivered. If that woman is the only daughter Aro and Sulpicia ever had...could that mean..?

I took a few steps back. “AM I YOUR DAUGHTER? ARE YOU MY PARENTS?” I looked at them in disbelief.

Those were the people who abandoned me! That let me grow parentless, under Aro’s rules and directions! I was breathing heavily, in between sobs. I didn’t even realize that I set my whole body ablaze, until both vampires looked at me shocked. I didn’t feel any pain, but I couldn’t stop the flames licking my body, and in my frantic state, I started panicking even more.

The male started approaching me slowly, trying to not scare me away. “Shush, shush. You’re okay. You’re doing okay. I know how it feels at first. You’re experiencing some aspects of the life as a witch. It’s okay. Close your eyes and picture the flames in your head.” I closed my eyes and tried concentrating on the flames. “Now, imagine them burning out, becoming smaller and weaker.” I focused on the flames, imagining them weakening. After a few minutes, I felt them getting smaller and smaller, and finally disappearing. I opened my eyes slowly.

The female was standing next to the male, watching me carefully. In a quick motion, she pulled me and embraced me, stroking my hair lightly. I breathed in her scent, a mix of mountain flowers and the saltiness of the sea. Her touch was soft, and filled me up with what felt like a thousand different emotions.

But, I mostly felt safe. It was the first time in my life that I actually felt this safe. And whole. I felt like I actually belonged somewhere. I hugged her back. Tears started spilling from my eyes. That was my mom! That was actually my mom! After all this time, we were finally together. I felt the male, my dad, hugging both of us, and in that moment, I felt my legs giving up on me, and I finally fell into a long sleep.

#felix volturi #felix volturi imagine #felix volturi x reader #volturi #twilight #twilight renessaince #twilight post #demetri volturi #alec volturi #jane volturi #the cullens #the denali coven

[shelobussy]

Ohmygod YES Susan Pevensie is awesome please talk to me about Susan i want to know everything you have to say

Literally THANK YOU for asking me this bc Susan Pevensie is a character I never get asked about and I have So Many Opinions.

I'm going to start by saying that Susan used to be my least favorite character in the series. This goes for the books and the movies. Some of it was for personal reasons--she reminds me of a couple of annoying ppl I know irl--but it was also bc I watched Prince Caspian which shoehorned her into a relationship with Caspian which I hated.

HOWEVER. I ended up rethinking this position after interacting with Susan fans and realizing that there are so many wonderful things to love about her!

(putting under the cut bc this got long)

Things Ash Loves About Susan Pevensie

Aight I'm not going to do a formal analysis yet on her, but instead rant about some of the unrelated things I adore about Susan Pevensie.

Susan the Archer

Look we all love archery here. I don't have anything more to say.

Okay, I actually do have more to say. I love the fact that Susan is a complete badass with the bow. You get the general impression that she's one of the royals in charge of public relations, traditions, foreign policy, etc. and yet she's the most competent archer in the series. One of the few things I liked about the movies is how they didn't downplay this. They actually let her be a badass and show off her skills.

Also the part where she kicks Trumpkin's ass was awesome.

Susan the Gentle

Susan being the most passive Pevensie was something I definitely underappreciated as a teenager. I think my non-ability to see past "I'm not like other girls" narrative and the combination of Susan being described as the most traditionally feminine woman in the Narnia series is what initially turned me off from her.

HOWEVER, now it's one of my favorite attributes! I love that Susan is a badass and the most beautiful woman in Narnia. She has hair down to her feet, every man and woman in the kingdom want to fuck her, and she's still a fucking badass who will not hesitate to kick your ass.

Susan the Sister

Most of my thoughts of Susan as an older sister mostly stem from my own personal headcanons, but she is an awesome sister to her siblings. She's Peter's voice of reason, Edmund's sass partner, and Lucy's big sister.

Susan the Mom-Friend

She is a literal mother-figure for Corin.

"[...] the most beautiful lady he had ever seen rose from her place and threw her arms round him and kissed him, saying: "Oh Corin, Corin, how could you? And thou and I such close friends ever since thy mother died. [...]"

-The Horse and His Boy, 33-34

Most everything I have to say about this ventures into headcanon territory, but I love the idea of Susan basically adopting Corin after his mom dies. The way she trusts Cor--who she thinks is Corin in this chapter--is really sweet and I wish we could've seen more of that relationship.

Susan the Flawed

Something I notice from the fandom is a lot of people who hate Susan tend to because of her flaws. On the other hand, most Susan stans like to wave away these flaws and blame C.S. Lewis for being misogynistic or Aslan for being a "cruel god" and ignore the fact that she is a deeply flawed person.

Susan gets something of a "reverse redemption arc" in The Chronicles of Narnia. This makes her not only a fascinating foil to Edmund--as both are analytical, logical people--but an interesting character by herself.

She starts out in TWW as very skeptical of Narnia and it's whole deal and also very condescending to Lucy throughout. She ultimately does admit that Lucy was right and does get on board with the whole prophecy at the same time Peter does, and ends the book being crowned "the Gentle Queen."

In The Horse and His Boy, she has a very interesting dynamic with Edmund and in even more interesting relationship with Rabadash. They don't even interact on-page with each other, but it's highly implied that she was interested in him when he was a guest in Narnia. His behavior obviously changed when she visited him in Tashbaan, but you have to wonder what their dynamic was like before for her to travel all the way to his home when relations between the countries were strained at best.

Prince Caspian is where the cracks start showing through. Susan has lived an entire life as an adult in Narnia, gets thrown back to England with her siblings, and is yet again in Narnia as a child. This book is what really emphasizes her one fatal flaw: convenience.

(Put a pin in that thought, I'll get back to it.)

Susan denies once again that Lucy saw something that the rest of them can't seen. She continues this narrative until every other sibling finally acknowledges Lucy in the right and only then does she apologize.

The last mention of Susan is in The Last Battle, where all of her flaws rise up against her in the worst way possible. I have a lot of controversial opinions on this that I'm going to address later, but I just want to say that Susan's reverse-redemption arc is something I actually like about her.

(There is also evidence that Susan does get a full redemption arc, just as Edmund and Eustace did, but C.S. Lewis was pretty much done with The Chronicles of Narnia at the point and instead encouraged fans to write their own version of how that went down.)

Okay, back to convenience being Susan's fatal flaw. So the one thing that comes up time and time again in the series is that Susan is very focused on material comforts. I believe it's implied that she's vain, and it's canonical that her own personal comfort spurs her to make decisions.

"[...] I really believed it was him — he, I mean — yesterday. When he warned us not to go down to the fir wood. And I really believed it was him tonight, when you woke us up. I mean, deep down inside. Or I could have, if I'd let myself. But I just wanted to get out of the woods and — and — oh, I don't know [...]"

Prince Caspian, 81

Prince Caspian has the strongest examples of Susan doing this, but certainly there's evidence elsewhere. There are a lot of fans who are distressed by this, claiming that Aslan and the others are too hard on her and shouldn't judge.

Honestly, I like that she's written with this flaw. Not only is it very relatable--(my own personal comfort and convenience is something I highly prioritize too)--but it humanizes a character who otherwise is ridiculously op and basically the Helen of Troy of the series. It may sound like I'm using this as an excuse to rant, but I really wouldn't have her any other way.

Susan As Portrayed by Anna Popplewell

Movie!Susan is a fucking delight.

She's sarcastic and badass and awesome and I could spend hours heaping praise on Anna's acting and her portrayal of Susan, but I can already tell that this post is going to be long so, I'll just stop here.

(10/10 want to be stabbed by her tho.)

Personal Headcanons

Let's talk about my fanon thoughts. I have many.

Susan is Aro

There's canonical evidence for this! Susan is a character who is heavily pursued by suitors everywhere, and even lets herself be courted by many of them, but chooses not to settle down. Even when she gets back to England and is described as only having interest in parties and material things, boys aren't mentioned.

I like to think that in The Horse in His Boy Susan was interested in Rabadash at first because he was a brilliant conversationalist. Nothing she says about him implies romantic interest, before and after she realizes the truth of his intentions.

Susan and Edmund Were Best Friends

This might be my love for The Horse and His Boy showing itself, but I think Susan and Edmund were thrown into circumstances where they interacted the most with each other.

Edmund is the ruler in charge of politics. Susan is the ruler in charge of Cair Paravel's public image. I imagine they spent time as ambassadors to other countries and planning royal functions.

They're also the most level-headed and logical out of their siblings, so they probably found a lot in common.

Susan Fancast

I literally just said I loved Anna's potrayal of Susan's (and I love what they gave us of older Susan too in LWW!), but I read the books in 2008 and my parents didn't let me see the movies bc I was like...nine years old and they thought it would be too scary.

So I had to headcanon my own interpretations.

Queen Susan the Gentle:

For some reason Merlin wasn't too scary for me to watch and I fell in love with Katie McGrath in like. Two episodes so. (On an unrelated note, I also fancast Bradley James as Peter at the time.)

Anyway, fanon Susan is basically Morgana Pendragon pre-evil arc. Sassy as hell, hot as fuck, and can kick your ass.

Unpopular Opinions

Yeah, feel free to skip this part if having controversial fandom opinions is a deal breaker for you.

The Problem With Susan Isn't Actually A Problem

I'm about to start so much discourse in the Narnia fandom, but C.S. Lewis's choices with her in The Last Battle weren't misogynistic. Bear in mind, I'm not saying that all of his writing choices in the series were A++ or excusing away certain racist/sexiest bits, but it's honestly baffling to me that people are so up in arms over Susan's exclusion in the final book.

So the part that everyone loses their shit over is as follows:

"My sister Susan," answered Peter shortly and gravely, "is no longer a friend of Narnia."

"Yes," said Eustace, "and whenever you've tried to get her to come and talk about Narnia or do anything about Narnia, she says 'What wonderful memories you have! Fancy your still thinking about all those funny games we used to play when we were children.'"

"Oh Susan!" said Jill, "she's interested in nothing now-a-days except nylons and lipstick and invitations. She always was a jolly sight too keen on being grown-up."

"Grown-up, indeed," said the Lady Polly. "I wish she would grow up. She wasted all her school time wanting to be the age she is now, and she'll waste all the rest of her life trying to stay that age. Her whole idea is to race on to the silliest time of one's life as quick as she can and then stop there as long as she can."

The Last Battle, 83-84

There's a lot to unpack here and I first want to say that everyone's opinion on this part, no matter how different than mine, is valid. I'm going to be quoting some other ppl's opinions on here and by no means am I bashing them. I just want to address my feelings on the matter and the best way to do that is to cite the thoughts of ppl who have opposing ideas.

Here are some arguments on Tumblr I've heard regarding "The Problem of Susan":

"How about we talk about what might have happened if Narnia hadn't deserted Susan? [...] What if we didn't tell Susan she had to go grow up in her own world and then shame and punish her for doing just that? She was told to walk away and she went. She did not try to stay a child all her life, wishing for something she had been told she couldn't have again."

"Narnia is filled with metaphors (often not very subtle ones) that are supposed to teach us how to be, and the most glaring one for any young girl to absorb is that it's okay to be a girl like Lucy, unthreatening and cheerful and valiant and faithful, but to be a girl like Susan gets you punished - in fact, you aren't just punished, you're destroyed."

"why do we call it ‘the problem’ where’s the problem about a young woman dealing with her trauma and choosing her own path, actively making the choice to keep living and to stay and to carve a life out in England when her siblings couldn’t? what is the problem about susan forgetting to somehow cope with what she’s experienced? why is it ‘the problem of susan’ that she recontextualised her faith?"

And then there's JK Rowling who said this:

There comes a point where Susan, who was the older girl, is lost to Narnia because she becomes interested in lipstick. She's become irreligious basically because she found sex. I have a big problem with that.

It's weird how I'm still finding new ways to hate JKR in the year 2021. Again, there is absolutely zero implication that Susan had sex when she came back to England. ZERO. Did she actually read the books? IDK. If someone shares this opinion pls reply with actual canonical evidence.

Back on topic, I'm a firm believer of death of the author and interpreting art via your own experiences. Which is why I'm also going to share my own interpretation by saying y'all are wrong.

Susan Pevensie was not abandoned by Narnia. She was not barred from Narnia because she is traditionally feminine or because she "owned her sexuality" (another opinion I didn't have time to condense down for this post) or because she recontextualized her faith or even because she deserved to be punished.

I also fail to see how Susan recontexualized her faith, as the entire point of it all is that she has none. Bringing this back to Susan's fatal flaw (personal convenience/material comforts), her prioritizing herself over her own faith is the reason she is "no longer a friend of Narnia." Not...whatever fanon y'all are imposing on her character.

Susan is not being punished for liking lipstick and looking pretty. Susan's not even being punished. Y'all read Neil Gaiman's The Problem of Susan and forgot it wasn't canon.

There are many reasons Susan is not in Aslan's Country (one of them being that she's not actually dead yet), but the main one has to do with this:

"[...] But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

Voyage of the Dawn Treader, 215-216

Yeah, okay that's why Susan is no longer a friend of Narnia. The implication when the Pevensies are told that they can no longer enter Narnia is that they are to find Aslan in other places. Susan doesn't do this, instead choosing to focus her life on material things. It isn't the lipstick, it's that she only wants the lipstick.

Susan Had Sex In The Books

Oh and not in the context y'all are thinking. (Again, there are no implications that Susan was barred from Narnia for having sex or that she had sex when she came back to England.)

So there's actual canonical evidence that Susan and Rabadash had a sexual relationship. Sort of.

"What think you? We have been in this city fully three weeks. Have you yet settled in your mind whether you will marry this dark-faced lover of yours, this Prince Rabadash, or no?"

-The Horse and His Boy, 35

Edmund calls Rabadash her lover. Not her suitor. I don't know if the word had a different meaning in 1954, but it feels like C.S. Lewis is saying that they're fucking. I'm not really happy with the idea of Susan sleeping with an abuser, but really proud of her for Getting Some as a woman born in a time period where having premarital sex was a big no-no.

This also invalidates the weird opinion going on that Susan was barred from Narnia because she had sex.

Suspian Is The Worst

I haven't really talked about Movie!Susan much, but as long as we're talking unpopular opinions, it's worth noting that I hate Suspian. Some of it is the "Susan is Aro" headcanon screaming inside of me, but it's also the fact that it's written poorly, does nothing interesting for either character and generally comes across as awkward.

I feel like they were trying to make Prince Caspian sexy and relevant to teens. It came across as super heteronormative and unnecessary.

It also gets really really weird bc the next movie then gives Caspian and Edmund mad chemistry and we're all just like........ok.

Final Thoughts

Susan may not be my favorite character in the series, but she's grown on me over the years. I have many issues with fanon interpretations of her--which definately fueled some of my disdain for her initally--and I don't identify as a Susan Apologist.

I do however adore Susan and have many headcanons for her not mentioned here. I love reading fanfic, writing fanfic and meta, and generally having conversations about her and would love to talk more about it.

I welcome criticism (CONSTRUCTIVE) and conversation on all of my opinions and observations. Please drop into my inbox. <3

#susan pevensie #the chronicles of narnia #the problem of susan #narnia #meta #narnia meta #susan meta #ash does fandom #ash does meta

[cake-and-spades]

Tell me about internalized arophobia please, thanks

I have been struggling with putting down my thoughts/ feelings for this ask for months, and I finally just did what I do best and did some research. I looked up internalized homophobia and obviously not all of these will apply to arophobia (or to everyone) but it’s a good place to expand from!  I’m so sorry this took so long anon 😭

Bold text is taken from the Rainbow Project (LINK) with anything I added in plain text underneath.

Trigger warnings for things mentioned but not described in detail, take care of yourselves y'all:

homophobia / transphobia / biphobia / arophobia / etc

self harm

abusive relationships

drinking / substance abuse

suicide

pedophilia

(if I've missed any please let me know and I'll add them above)

01. Denial of your sexual orientation to yourself and others.

Fun fact: for the first like 2 weeks after I found out what aromanticism was I refused to identify as aro because of like, the crushing fear and disappointment and the belief I’d never be happy. And of course I *had* to experience romantic attraction some day, I just *had* to, *everyone* does. (Oof)

02. Attempts to alter or change your sexual your orientation.

Do I even need to explain this one? “Maybe if I just try hard enough I’ll start liking someone. Fake it till you make it, right?”

03. Feeling you are never good enough.

Personally, whenever I used to think about platonically dating people/ having nonromantic partner(s) I’d start getting down on myself and think “they deserve a Real (TM) partner, a Romantic (TM) partner, they deserve more than the disappointment I would be” or alternately, the thought that I’m disappointing my parents by not giving them a child-in-law & grandchildren

04. Engaging in obsessive thinking and/or compulsive behaviours.

Not sure exactly how this one could relate, perhaps in obsessively seeking out romance (in fiction or irl) or exposing yourself to it knowing it makes you uncomfortable ?

05. Under-achievement or even over-achievement as a bid for acceptance.

The whole who gets to be an "ally" because they aren't *really* LGBT+ comes to mind

06. Low self esteem, negative body image.

Self explanatory, but I will also add: not wanting to be seen as a Romantic Person, policing your actions and your body / body language so no one could ever see you as anything other than Platonic or friends with benefits. Disliking the parts of you that are typically coded by society to be "romantic" things.

07. Contempt for the more open or obvious members of the LGBT community.

Self explanatory but also: Gatekeeping. I’m thinking especially gatekeeping people who aren’t “aro enough” to be considered aro (you will always be "aro enough" as long as you ID as aro!)

08. Contempt for those at earlier stages of the coming out process.

Contempt for “cringey aros / aces who make the whole community look bad / childish / heartless” when they are just discovering themselves and having a good time (and many times are just kids)

09. Denial that homophobia, heterosexism, biphobia or sexism are serious social problems.

The thought: “Sure arophobia exists, but it isn’t a *real* problem like homophobia / transphobia / biphobia” Alternately: “yeah it’s not perfect, but it’s not like I have *real problems*”

Also a personal note: I didn't like. recognize that we live in an arophobic society? Like society definitely wasn't built for us but Baby Aro me refused to understand that.

10. Contempt for those that are not like ourselves or contempt for those who seem like ourselves. Sometimes distancing by engaging in homophobic behaviours – ridicule, harassment, verbal or physical attacks on other LGB people.

This one is similar to the ones above.

11. Projection of prejudice onto another target group.

Terfs, gatekeepers, etc

12. Becoming psychologically abused or abusive or remaining in an abusive relationship.

Self explanatory :( But especially: staying in a relationship even though it's hurting you, whether because of your partner or just because it isn't a good fit for you as an aro person.

13. Attempts to pass as heterosexual, sometimes marrying someone of the other sex to gain social approval or in hope of ‘being cured’.

Y’all ever faked a crush or just chosen one at random? Y’all ever dated someone you knew you didn’t “like” like while hoping you’d catch feelings someday or thinking it was like, the natural “next step” for your friendship? Y’all ever fear that some day everyone would find out you “”weren’t normal?”” Y’all ever cry bc you know you’ll never love a partner the way they’ll love you, because their love is “”more pure/ real”” or some bullshit???? It's the internalized arophobia 😌

14. Increased fear and withdrawal from friend and relatives.

"They won't like me anymore when they realize I'm not the same as them" "They'll see me differently" etc etc etc

15. Shame or depression; defensiveness; anger or bitterness.

Self explanatory :(

16. School truancy or dropping out of school. Also, work place absenteeism or reduced productivity.

Self explanatory, avoidance of problems and people

17. Continual self-monitoring of one’s behaviours, mannerisms, beliefs, and ideas.

This one seems like it would tie in with #6, specifically monitoring yourself for the Correct Amount of romance, even if you're faking it.

18. Clowning as a way of acting out society’s negative stereotypes.

I have nothing to add here

19. Mistrust and destructive criticism of LGBT community leaders.

I don't think I need to elaborate on this one askdjfdkj

20. Reluctance to be around or have concern for children for fear of being seen as a paedophile.

God I don’t even know why I have this specific internalized arophobia/homophobia. Like??? It doesn’t make sense from an aro perspective but boy do I got it. I love kids and I have an education degree, but am still constantly afraid people see me as a creep

21. Conflicts with the law.

22. Unsafe sexual practices and other destructive risk-taking behaviours-including risk for HIV and other STIs.

Lack of care and respect for self :(

23. Separating sex and love, or fear of intimacy. Sometimes low or lack of sexual drive or celibacy.

I mean some of this is natural and healthy for aros by nature of being aro, but fear of intimacy. Fear of being Known

These last two are self explanatory :(

24. Substance abuse, including drink and drugs.

25. Thinking about suicide, attempting suicide, death by suicide.

https://www.rainbow-project.org/internalised-homophobia/

#asks #arophobia #aromantic

[gravedangerahead]

Hi, Rapha! I have a question, and feel absolutely free to not answer if that makes you uncomfortable (it's not my intention).

You seem to like a lot of romance movies and you're aro. I'd like to hear your thoughts on it if you have any.

Because obviously, we don't only consume media that we relate to. But I'm wondering because I, myself, used to not be a fan of romance bc I couldn't relate to it at all! I used to identify as a lesbian, and all I knew were straight couples in movies. It's not like I hated it, but I didn't quite like romance bc seeing straight couples all the time was something that... I didn't quite enjoy. I felt like it was something so far from me, if that makes sense.

I guess my question is... what is your view on heteronormative movies as a queer person, specifically while aroace?

Oh, wow. I've actually wondered about that myself, but I don't actually know?

One thing I thought about is that sex and romance are so ubiquitous, and fiction gives me a lens through which I can interpret these things that are absolutely everywhere and are considered super important. So that romantic song isn't about an experience that's completely alien to me, it's about my OTP!

I usually like romance that's actually given importance by the narrative, if it isn't fully central, that side romance that seems to be in every story because it has to be there leaves me cold. When they put two hot actors next to each other and then expect me to root for them to get together just because it's very frustrating. I never used to see a romantic relationship between characters unless it was explicitly intended by the narrative. When I started engaging with fandom more I would start seeing it after having actual fan content for it . So I didn't project it there.

Romantic stories are some of the ones that focus the most on interpersonal relationships. Who these characters are, what makes them tick, what makes them good for each other, what causes rift, how they need to grow to work things out, internal conflicts arising from the characters and not just external conflict. I do also love stories about found family, about siblings and about friendship for similar reasons. I usually care about characters and relationships more than I care about plot. And I like cute, sweet moments which is also common in romantic stories.

And there's curiosity about a thing I don't experience. I already liked romance since I was very little, and I was convinced it would happen at some point. I really invested on the late bloomer narrative, then on the right person narrative,  because I thought it was just the natural progression that at some point I'd have a cute relationship like my parents, or like in fiction. I idenfied as demi for a while, with no reason to believe that, before admitting I was just plain aroace. But now that I know I still retain a bit of a fascination with romantic stories.

But as you said, we don't only like stories we relate to. I often relate a lot to the characters in romantic stories, but even if I don't relate to the romance itself it's still fun. I think romantic stories have some clearly delineated progression and resolution for you to hang cuteness and funny shenanigans on.

Sorry for the delay on the answer, I'm very wordy and I was boxing up books for the move all day today. I hope this is at least somewhat coherent.

Also, I watched Lisbela and the Prisoner when I 7 and I just stole my whole personality from it, so there's that

#Rapha rambles #aroace #aromantic #asexual #asks #answered asks #I was watching cowboy bebop (the original) and I still have some episodes to go but it feels like a wasted opportunity #the characters are good but I don't see the relationship between the characters developing much so far #firefly was another space cowboy set up that I adored because I actually saw the relationships between the characters develop #Honestly there are also a lot of ''romantic'' stories I like where I didn't actually care about the guy at all and he was just a sexy lamp #something for the female protagonist to get for her troubles lol #but I didn't go into that because in those cases the romance wasn't the appeal #I do also like female protagonists actually that seems to be more common in romance too #when I say my parents are cute I mean they are very cute #long post

[bakedbananners]

hi, i needed advice. so after i read your qpr fierrochase fic, i sorta felt like i relate a lot with those feelings, plus the fact that i have a crush on my best friend which i don't completely think is romantic.. so i wanted to ask you how you found out you were aro, and what you think are romantic feelings?

Hi! Glad my fic could resonate with you!!

Ok this ask got really long I’m so sorry lol 😭

Aromanticism is kinda hard to get a gauge on because it’s like describing a lack of something. I really couldn’t tell you what romantic feelings are, because I don’t feel them at all. Ive seen people say it’s like describing certain scents when you have no sense of smell, or counting turtles in a pond that doesn’t have any. Though, I’m aromantic and asexual, so my experiences are also different to someone who is aromantic but allosexual, or who is gray- or demi- romantic, etc. I do suggest going through some online resources, if you’d like! This ask has a lot of useful ones! And this list plus anything else on @arospecawarenessweek is very educational.

When I was first figuring out my identity, I ran across this checklist and found a lot of things that resonated with me. It seems this happens with a lot of online aro-specs 😂. I’d say this is when I really had the “oh shit this is an THING?” feeling lol. I also figured it out after learning I was ace, which softened the impact of the revelation, because I was already feeling that absence for sexual attraction, and applied it to romance.

Before then, I was going with biromantic because I thought “well I feel the same about dating anyone, so I guess that fits”, but that same feeling was honestly just total indifference, haha. A thought I usually had when contemplating dating a person was “would anything be different to how it is now? Would I enjoy those differences? Do I want that?” So like, thinking about a friend, I would wonder if I wanted to do anything typically romantic, like go on dates or kiss them, try to impress them, hold their hand, etc. did I think about them often and did I focus on anything that’s unique about them? Stuff like that. The answer was usually no. Aside from friends, I really didn’t even entertain the thought of being intimately involved with strangers in any capacity.

That’s not to say I don’t “romanticize” things in my life. I enjoy fictional romance because it’s fun and exciting! Slow burn romance is my fave because of the tension of it, the character dynamics, stuff like that! I end up romanticizing things in the “Ghibli” way, too (warrants its own essay tbh) like looking at nature and sunsets and human kindness and innovation. Finding beauty in every facet of the natural world, accepting it, feeling intrigue and curiosity about it, etc, is probably my closest approximation to how people feel romantic and mushy about others. There’s a misconception that aromantic are cold, distant, apathetic people, and that’s really not true lol.

There’s a lot of overlap between platonic and romantic stuff anyways, so it’s understandable that figuring this out is confusing. Queerplatonic attraction and relations are also their own beast to wrestle with. I’ve experienced that before, and its reflected in my fanfic a lot! Feeling your chest swell with lightness, feeling a deep and loving comfort and security, wanting to be intimate in a “secret-sharing” way, etc. Allos can feel this way, too! You can liken it to what people usually call a “bromance” XD.

The aromantic spectrum is very diverse in terms of culture, race and ethnicity, gender, and sexuality, and everyone’s experiences are individual. If you don’t resonate with mine, that’s totally fine! I think a lot of people have a fear of identifying a certain way and then changing it later (bc I was a bit scared of that too) but the aspec community is very welcoming if you feel a place is here for you, and you can leave or change if or whenever you’d like. 😁 💚🤍🖤

#tysm for this ask shdbfjdndk #I do enjoy talking about this stuff even though it ends up getting convoluted #aromanticism #aromantic #me talking #ask

[linkedsoul]

Hi! Sorry, I also realised I misgendered them in the ask just after I sent it :,) (Mild spoilers:) But I just finished the book in one sitting!! I laughed, I cried it was just perfect, also halfway through I had to stop bc I had a revelation abt my gender too lol. Seriously it was so sweet and genuine 5/5 Minh struggling with their heritage and gender/sexuality was so relatable! Also Cass' poetry was so great!! Now I'm very curious abt their whole friend group though :D Idk where Minh fits but reading the discord thing at the forst chapter all I could think abt was the "every friend group has: a bimbo, a mean bisexual, a token straight, an astrology bitch etc meme xdd

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR REVIEW I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ALREADY FINISHED IT AJDOEZKFORKG IT MADE ME VERY HAPPY AAAAAH

I'm so glad you found Minh's struggle with their heritage and queerness relatable because AJFOEZKG that kind of thing can be complicated and the scenes related to that were some of my favorites to write. There is One Scene that made me cry when I reread it haha. I'm so glad it speaks to other people! <3 My goal is accomplished!

AND CONGRATS (I say congrats, but I hope that was a good revelation???) ON THE GENDER REVELATIONS, THESE CAN HAPPEN AT THE MOST UNEXPECTED MOMENTS

all in all your ask really made me so happy ajidekjri I'm sorry for the rambling!!!

to finish off this reply, here is what Minh and Cass's friend group is like according to the Meme:

Bimbo: Leslie

Mean lesbian: Selma

Even meaner bisexual: Cass

(had to invert the two because Selma can't be "meaner" than Cass she's also sassy but a sweetheart)

She/they: Fatou

He/they: Minh, if you consider that they don't always feel comfortable outing themselves as non-binary to others bc it's not always safe, esp in France where the language is very gendered and gender neutral pronouns are very new (Minh can take "he/him" from strangers and randos; but not from people who know that they use "they/them"!)

Token straight: Louis

Astrology bitch: Ousmane

Short king: Cass (as Apollo)

A few more facts:

Fatou, Ousmane, Leslie and Cass are bi, Minh is pan, Selma is a lesbian and Louis is ye token straight. Fatou is a demigirl, Ousmane and Selma are aspec and I think someone in the group is on the aro spectrum but idk who yet. They're all in Humanities and most of them are in languages (I think languages and history?), except Cass who is a law student. Ousmane and Fatou were already good friends in high school, just like Selma, Leslie and Minh. Louis is a bit of a himbo. He's the Tol that teases Cass because she's Smol. I tend to think they're the friend group that befriended each other at the beginning of uni and then just... gradually realized they were all queer. Louis is the only straight one standing but who knows, maybe in a few years he'll realize that he's the one on the aro spectrum and he's not as alloromantic as he thought. They're frankly a fun bunch and writing their discord convs was one of the most hilarious things ever!

(also I'm def planning on writing a biracial wlw in a future romance some day... dunno when but I want to! (maybe another Tet Holiday romance?)

#linked answers #lunar new love #THAT MADE ME SO HAPPY

[haunted-house-heart]

so i had a thought the other that made me cry and i'ma try to explain it bc i need someone else to know of it. it's two am i havent slept and i'm ✨emotional✨ so idk if this'll make any sense. over explaining incoming

tw for brief mention of abuse, homophobia and death, specifically of trans people but i'm not gonna talk about that like, explicitly. and also spoilers for the raven cycle

so. there's a quote for the raven cycle that i 100% want as a tattoo. it's "if you can't be unafraid, be afraid and happy." (henry cheng in the raven king). it's so so important to me and i'ma explain why:

i started reading the raven cycle the same year i realized i wasn't straight. the series immediately became my favorite books Ever (this was in 2016, and they're still my favorite today). adam parrish was the first bisexual character/person i'd ever known. i didnt even know bisexuality was an option before this, and i related to his situation (abusive family) and i ended up id'ing as bi for, like. i think like a year after that (until i found out what aro/ace was).

and i was scared. i was 14 and living in an abusive household with homophobic family members. and i read that line in the raven king: "if you can't be unafraid, be afraid and happy." and it stuck with me. it's stuck with me for six (6) years now.

because as a queer person, specifically as a trans person (even more specifically as a nonbinary person) i'm so scared. i'm so scared all the time. i'm very out, and that's how i want to live my life but there are times- just the other day i was downtown when it started getting dark and i was wearing a big trans flag button and i could see it so clearly, a thousand deaths i could suffer for being myself (i took the button off and put it in my pocket).

i don't think i'll ever stop being scared but i am proud of who i am. i'm happy as myself, i'm happy being nonbinary.

if you can't be unafraid, be afraid and happy.

they can't take that from me. the minute i trade my pride for fear they've won.

if you can't be unafraid, be afraid and happy.

and i am.

and i was explaining this the other day and i got hit with this thought.

that scene in the raven cycle, when they write "remembered" on noah's carr

to do both. "if you can't be unafraid, be afraid and happy." for me, and "remembered" for the ones that didn't make it. for the trans people who fought for us, for the trans peoplewho just tried to live their lives.

i'm not explaining this as well as i'd like but i really hope it makes some sort of sense

i made a mock up type thing for what i was thinking of:

(please dont like, use this anywhere)

its not perfect but im calling it quits for the night

the flowers are amaryllis (for pride) and forget me nots (for remembrance)

#emery.exe #putting this at the top: ill edit in the morning w an image desc but i dont think itd make any sense if i tried to write it tonight #this is almost def incoherent but i needed to get it out #the font is a placeholder for sure i just needed the text in place #also this is all made of free clipart stuff bc i cannot draw but i had to like. be able to see it yknow? i did do the coloring tho #if anyone wanted to make their own version of this for me to possibly get a tattoo of..... they'd be free to...... jk jk..... unless? 👀 #this is too personal to put in the fandom tag feel free to rb to like reply but pls pls pls dont tag this for fandoms thanks ily #ask to tag

[wizzardhat]

alright im reading/rereading all discworld books in (approximate) order. Because only some of them are available through audible I'm kind of alternating between two at a time because the ones that aren't on audible I have to listen to on my computer, which is how I managed to finish Mort before The Light Fantastic. I'm still calling it "in order" though because i make my own rules and i am a god of my own making

rambling below cut

So far I've (finally) finished The Colour Of Magic (probably my 4th or 5th attempt lmao), re-read Equal Rite & Mort, and now I'm alternating between Wyrd Sisters & The Light Fantastic--very close to finishing the latter so I'll be on to Sourcery soon, which I'm hype about bc I've been told this was the Book Terry recommended people start with.

To me the issue with TCOM is Terry hadn't quite nailed down how to really bring his characters to life just yet--I can already tell that TLF is kind of bending in the right direction but as early as Equal Rites that spark is totally there. I have a feeling that that's the main reason why I found it hard to feel invested in Rincewind so I'm excited for Sourcery, since it'll be the first novel focused on him after we get over the hump. Also his cameo in Mort definitely hit different when I actually had enough context to appreciate it.

I completely forgot how much i loved Mort. I remembered enjoying it a lot but I forgot how genuinely cute Ysabell & Mort are and also absolutely ICONIC Death lines such as CURRY TIME! and I AM SADNESS which annihilate me every single time without fail. Also I'm weak and Mort's "don't leave me" after he breaks out of the Death Trance has been Living In My Head Rent Free as the cool kids on Twitter love to say. I have not felt an urge to draw sappy fanart in probably a full decade but I am feeling it rn.

AND THEN THERE'S

GRANNY

WHOMST I LOVE

Granny is really like...not my comfort character in the sense that people usually use now. Comfort characters generally leave you feeling as though you've visited with an old friend, but one who is approximately your equal and therefore someone you relate to heavily. Granny leaves me feeling as though finally I've had a chance to talk to someone who I actually believe knows what they're talking about, has it all figured out, and who I genuinely aspire to be more like, and I feel better for it, and more equipped to deal with life. Like, when I Need An Adult, I wanna read a book with Granny in it. Genuine role model material, even with her many imperfections. PTerry's ability to write interesting, flawed, loveable women is always wonderful and refreshing, but what I love most about Granny is that she is badass and unfeminine and powerful and nothing about her revolves in any way about her attractiveness nor any romantic arc. Arguably peak ace and possibly aro rep. Someone who is respected, and admired, and fails to meet any expectation that women are usually held to. Everything is on her terms. And she is just...incredible and i love her so much.

I think that's it for now. I actually had to throw this in drafts last night and I finished TLF this morning and I'm about an 8th the way in to Sourcery so, we will see how that goes.

Also this may be an unpopular opinion, but I think the Blue Sky 2-part tv movie about TCOM & TLF is arguably a lot better than the actual books--it cuts out a lot but it captures the right amount of Discworld magic & the adjustments to the characters are a lot easier to get invested in. To be honest I watched it before I finished Sourcery, so I was surprised that while the movie made a small effort to show Twoflower & Rincewind becoming friends, and their goodbye was warm and felt appropriately awkward but bittersweet, the book was just straight up awkward. And to be honest I miss the little guy and I'm sad he won't pop up until way down the line in Interesting Times.

#discworld #terry pratchett #discworld reread 2k21 lets go #mutuals who love discworld please interact #or who don't love discworld #or who aren't mutuals #who may become mutuals in fact #wink