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weaselbeaselpants · 3 years

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Weird week behind me weird week ahead of me but I’ve done a lot of self reflection and came to the weirdest epiphany. The older I get the more I realize all my ‘problems’ with VivziePop - her thoughts on criticism; the choices she makes in story telling; some of the people she’s worked with (not that any of that’s my business; I’m not her mom) really aren’t about Viv, but more about her fandom.

I’m speaking of the preHazbin era Viv here and as someone who’s only watch horny fish jump at the surface rather than jump straight into the Hazbin-fandom, but given my ‘noncritical’ fellow fans have told me that the Vivziefandom now is also terrible - I guess I’ll go over my experience and make the most out of what I do know.

I followed Viv in 2009 and fell off in 2013 cause I kinda just lost interest and found myself wrapped up in other fandoms. I’ve always felt amicable about her content; I could give or take designs or the way in which she wrote characters -- ((Zech represent!!!)) but it’s honestly surreal and really fun seeing this person I recognize make it big and improve so much. Like I’ve said before I am very happy and very impressed with Viv doing all she’s done in the span of TWO YEARS. wow gurl.

Trouble is, there was the particular breed of fan who really made me...uncomfortable. They felt almost possessive of Viv’s attention. They sang praises about her work in a way that just made me want nothing to do with it because I was worried if I drew those characters these people would be like ‘hey, I’M Viv’s fav artist, not you!”. They would unironically write Viv messages like:

“you are a GOD” -- “I’m so not worthy compared to you” --“I wish I was as talented as you” -- “YOU ARE EVERYTHING AND CAN’T DO WRONG VIV”.

The kind of messages which were meant to sound flattering but, intentional or not, came off as gaslighting, like they were guilt tripping Viv about being better than them. This behavior, treating your favorite artist/internet personality like your superior and groveling like Starscream, it strikes a nerve with me; partly because I was this way with my favorite artists and influences back in the day, but also because once I got a taste of that treatment myself I realized just how bad it could be:

There was once a girl on dA who was jealous of me because of the attention I got on my art instead of her. I told her that I wasn’t gonna stop drawing but also that there was nothing wrong with her art and she’d find her place. It was weird being put in that position where someone is very clearly upset at you but also looking for your approval.

The second was some scumball who I blocked in 2016. He wouldn’t speak to me, only write condescending, backhanded comments on my art; check on my profile daily; call me a bootlicker (cuz I took commissions) behind my back; redrew my art and would talk about me in his personal artist notes about how I ‘probably wouldn’t see this’ - oh yeah all the while he did fan art of my characters but again never spoke to me when I replied. When I finally messaged him about his behavior he said he thought I was “really overrated” and “bad for the fandom” cuz I took money and kept him from getting the love he deserved. It took messaging another person within our fandom, one I had been in spats with online before, to finally realize I shouldn't put up with that bs....

That guy who was stalking me btw did so while I was well under 1.K watchers and am still pretty obscure. Anyway, I had one guy unhealthily watching me for the wrong reasons. Just one. This is why when Viv says she “hates creeps” I 150% believe this woman and am not about to call her a liar who just can’t take criticism. Like, if you really think that, I’m sorry but you don’t know what Viv’s gone through from both her critics AND fans.

Of course, a lot of people will be like “I bet you’re just jealous and really just want that kind of attention yourself so you’re preaching to the choir”, but like...no. I am envious of just about any creator who’s the social butterfly I’m not, but, like, if I'm jealous of an artist none of that is that artists’ fault. Ever. It’s my own issues with being comfortable with myself are at stake. If I criticize Viv’s work it’s not because I see her as competition or my Squilliam Fancyson; it’s because I’m a critical fan of animation and cartoons and have my own thoughts to share on the cartoons of an artist I’m familiar with. Jealousy/envy/mixed-admiration/godIwishthatwereme.jpeg feels are totally natural and valid emotions when you’re a creator. Envy becomes a problem when you internalize, weaponize, and scrutinize people on the basis of them being what you aren’t which -yes - some people do in the name of criticism. ((Although, I would hardly say some of the nastiest AntiViv folk are jealous as much as they are angry that this project they think is harmful is getting attention and using that as justification for some really shitty behavior of their own, which no, this post is not a part of by virtue of coming from a critical fan.))

Critique can come from either a good place or bad place; good critique can be used to bad ends and bad critique can come from a well-meaning place, and vice versa. It’s the difference between many a criticalfan having a sour taste in their mouth regarding the Viv’s base but persisting in a critique+admiration separate of that, and this asswipemonster trying to weasel his way into Spindlehorse while also bashing Viv on a public forum for clearly vitriolic reasons. He was a creep.

So yeah um please stop insisting that every Hazbin critic is just jealous’ because a) there are people who have a past with Viv’s base and that clouds their judgement, but in a lot of cases that doesn’t invalidate their feelings or thoughts on her work separate from that, and b) I’ve seen what clingy gaslighting jealous fans are. Spoiler: they’re not so much Annie Wilkes as much as they are Tommy Wiseaus. You don’t want Tommy Wiseau following you.

Another bad vibe I really picked up on that I can kinda confirm is still probably the case now: people think that they know Viv and the Spindlehorse crew and have the right to send them shit they don’t need or WANT to be seeing.

Like, I talked with Viv once ages ago. I don’t remember what I said other than we were talking about Frankenweenie, I think. She was nice. Outside of that she said “thank you” to my comments on her deviations but that’s it. I DO NOT KNOW THIS WOMAN AND unless you’ve worked with or are a legit friend/mutual of hers, NEITHER DO YOU. But I don’t think every Vivzie stan/critic knows this. Whether it be people assuming she MUST think they’re headcanon is now canon-canon cuz she liked a comment they made; or some critic thinking they must have seriously hurt her pride because they’ve been blocked by her on twitter (or you know, maybe she and the rest of Spindlehorse is tired of getting @s and don’t have to time to read through your analysis so they’re gonna just block and move on cuz they’re busy).

Just because the creators talk with fans doesn’t mean fans are literally their best friends and have a part in the show’s direction. And yes, critics and reviewers fit that bill as well. Know your damn boundaries people.

If you find/make some kind of contribution as a viewer that’s awesome but you should never expect nor DEMAND the creator see it. The most obvious horror stories involving this and Helluva/Hazbin have been the Instagrams made by the crew being harassed by incestpedo enthusiasts, but it applies even to just @ing creators as well.

I’ve seriously had someone tell me to just take my criticisms directly to Viv and like...no. Why would I do that?

I respect Viv and the artists working with her enough to know that they’re working their asses off on an animated series and should not be bothered. I don’t want them to stop all they’re doing and reply to me. I want them to keep working. Also, that kind of logic makes me wonder how many critics Viv’s found because she found it on her own or if some obsessed fan told her about it - which is really messed up cuz if it IS just good critique you’re, again, just pestering her, and if it wasn’t critique but full on harassment WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MESSAGE HER ABOUT THAT ANYWAY? I’m sure she doesn’t need to be reminded that people drew and said really awful shit about her on Tapatalk. My point being I’m sure what people think they’re doing is

“OOOoh Viv lookitwut this person is doing in our fandom we need to ban together against this toxic behavior”

but what they’re actually doing, and sounding like, is -

“Hey Viv I know you are working so hard on the show and you’re trying to figure out where to go from here but LOOKITWHUTTHISHATERSAID. LOOKATIT! VALIDATE ME VIV AND PUT’EM IN THEIR PLAAAAAACE!”

TL;DR Viv’s fanbase back in the day consisted of everyman artists and interests but there was this one breed of fan -who I hope was just a vocal minority- that ruined it for everything else.

Call it stanning or ‘simping’ or as it’s classically known, ‘white knighting’, whatever it was it really soured a lot of people on her because of those fans.

That’s why the DollCreep drama got so bad from what I can tell. Doll and Viv had a falling out and then called out eachother online where people who took it upon themselves to speak for them starting throwing mud.

Back in the day I remember Viv used to get mad at artists for ‘stealing’ her style. I think this attitude from Viv directly has vanished but I remember it happening because one of the people she thought was stealing her style did art for me at some point and they were basically shamed/chased off deviantART by a gaggle of these really nasty Vivfans.

inb4> “VIV WAS AWARE AND STILL WEAPONIZES HER FANS THO”

I don’t know that. And honestly, where I’m inclined to believe she’d do something like that then I think Viv is really different and has improved her business and public image from her college days. I’d be very disappointed in her if she was pulling a Butch Hartman or Derek Savage, but I just don’t think she is one, k?

Viv is more self critical and aware than any of these uber protective-gatekeeping fans give her credit for. She said on the Pizzapartypodcast that she knows the Hazbin pilot wasn’t perfect; she’s been able to identify the problems with old Zoophobia; this woman knows that criticism of all kinds need to exist and from what I see she sounds like she’s trying to get used to that. It’s just, you know, when you have nasty antis badgering you, stalkers, obsessive yes-mam’ fans, opinionated shit posters, r34 artists, entitled shippers and the NDAs of a company alongside your own branded image - all that negativity, even the constructive bits, tend to clump together and you just want to scream at it so you can finish the damn cartoon already!!!!

TL;DR: PART TWO

VivziePop/mind is basically indie Tim Burton. Her work is fun, shallow and made with love but is marketed as being for everyone when it’s really not. Parts of it I love to watch; parts of it drives me crazy cuz of reasonswhatev this isn’t a review.

BUT any fanbase where people tell me I should just “expect what’s coming to me” when I’m trying to argue against dragging creators into fandrama is troubling. People have a parasocial bond with fandoms and their creators and they need to learn when to back off.

#vivziepop critical #hazbin hotel critical #helluva boss critical #critical fandom #I'm sorry to all the people I messaged n bothered over the past year bout my stupid thoughts #tw: stalker

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intothewickedwood · 3 years

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Once Upon A Time Rewatch: 6x14 Page 23

Okay what episode do we have today?

Ah okay, a Regina centric. That’s cool.

Is that the same guard Snow stripped naked in 1x16? Whaaaat?! Just looked it up and it totally is! Awesome call back! I’m going to name him Jim.

Oh my God, she killed Jim!!

Wait, so this has to be after Heart of Darkness.

The terrified look on that woman’s face when Regina strokes her chin, looks at her longingly and tells her she loves her. Omg Regina was in love with this woman all along! It was never about Daniel. It was about Christina! I’m naming her Christina. 

They are my otp now.

How did Tinker Bell get out of neverland? Pan decides when people leave, and I doubt he’d let her leave just to pay a visit with the Evil Queen. But then and again maybe it was all part of his big plan.

Oh. Pixie dust doesn’t dictate who your true love is. It just shows you possibilities. That’s not what you said before, Tinker Bell!

Regina, we all know you spared her because she’s your ex-girlfriend.

Actually, this visit from Tinker Bell is odd because she doesn’t seem angry at all like when she, like, wanted to kill Regina in 3x03. How did she go from, “okay. I lost my wings because of you but it’s all cool. I just want my otp together.” to “I’m gonna f***ing drug you with pixie dust and rip your heart out!”?

Also, this is the Evil Queen I like to see. So cold, terrifying and breaking on the inside. I’m not a fan of the humorous one in 6x02. I wish Split Queen was more like this as well. Ah different writers and director. Interesting.

Split Queen: “…not some burlap-loving peasant who sleeps on dirt.” Wish Robin: “Excuse me, I sleep on hay.” Important distinction!

Snow’s so excited about the wedding, bless her.

Lol Zelena just drags Emma’s hand to look at her ring. My girl loves shiny things! And how could I forget, her otp is getting married! She is in heaven right now!

I love Emma just casually talking to Zelena like they’re gal pals at a sleepover. More of this please! 

I can see what sqers say about this scene. Regina really does look hurt by the notion of Emma getting married. There is no heterosexual reason for her to react like this unless she’s in love with Hook. I think this is the only time they hug. Man, I feel so bad for sqers because upon this rewatch I can really see where they are coming from with that interpretation. It’s definitely there. And then they hug because Emma’s getting married to someone else. I would be so upset if that was my otp. What am I talking about, I watched 10 seasons of Smallville as a hardcore Chloe x Clark shipper. I think this exact scenario played out and it freaking hurts! 

In other news, I am so in love with Snow. Have I mentioned that? I feel like I haven’t mentioned it in a while and it needs to be said. 

I’m also in love with David, in case you forgot. I want to join their marriage. Can I join their marriage? I’m joining their marriage. Emma, I’m your mummy now. Don’t think about the age difference too much. 

I’ve eaten a lot of chocolate already today. Can you tell? I feel so alive! I want to share my social security number and be freeee!! I am trying to block out my anxiety about having to move house again next friday. Yep, that’s right, 4th place in two years. I think I will write all of these high on chocolate.

What would happen if you cut your hair with those sheers? Or your garden bush? No, that is not a euphemism, you dirty bastards (affectionate). 

I haven’t had a haircut in 10 years. Holy cow! That’s why my afro is so big, it’s full of secrets. 

Nemo is your dad now, Hook. Even though I’m pretty sure he’s a lot younger than you. 

He called him “My boy.” hehe.

I remember when I thought Hook and Rumple had the same mother. That would have been quite the twist.

I thought that vase of flowers was a giant cauliflower. Did you know broccoli, cauliflower, cabbages, brussels sprouts and turnips are all related? I wonder what thanksgivings are like when they all get together. Probably not fun for them. 

See what I did there xD? 

Emma: “This is my fault. I’m the one who convinced you to bring him here. It’s on me.” Regina: “Emma, you don’t have anything to make up for. You were just trying to help.” Omg, this compared to when she told Emma she’d ruined her life because Emma saved Marian. The development. I really appreciate this change because I nearly lost it with Regina when that was her attitude. 

Screw it, I’m making bean enchiladas. Brb. I’ll save you some!

I’m back! They’re in the oven. Anyone wants the recipe hmu! They’re veggie! 

You just know Split Queen and Wish Robin have a sexy dungeon in their castle. They just do.

Enchanted ropes would have been useful in so many situations.

The enchiladas are ready! Repeat after me, Becky: “I will remember oven gloves this time, I will remember oven gloves this time.”

Robin is so into Split Queen. He wants her to live with him and everything, even though they just met. 

I don’t think that arrow would have taken her to Robin since it takes her to the thing she loves most. She can’t love someone she’s never met. We all know it would shoot Christina right in the ass. That’s true love biatches! Evil Peasant 5ever!

Oh snap! Emma found Hook looking at himself killing her grandfather??! I completely forgot about this!

Why does she say, “That’s David’s father”? Why doesn’t she say, “That’s my grandfather,” or “That’s my dad’s dad”? She hasn’t called her dad ‘David’ in years. It’s like she’s trying to separate herself from the victim as much as possible.

She’s not even a little bit upset he killed her dad’s dad? That that event caused her father so much pain? She’s just infuriated that he tried to burn his memory. I mean, yes, she should be angry about that but where’s the empathy for her dad at least? I didn’t know any of my grandfathers well but if I found out I was engaged to someone who did that I would be angry for my grandparent, angry for my parent and angry for myself. I’m just speechless that that’s all she cares about. It seems so out of character. But then and again Regina had her other grandad killed. 

And now he’s gonna leave because he rightfully got told off. Can’t say I’d offer the same thing but she said, “until you’re ready” not “you’ll never be ready”, dude. 

I think he’s just scared David will punch him in the face at this point. It’s the only explanation for doing the exact opposite thing Emma asked of him.

“Captain Hook is always welcome on the Nautilus.” More like welcome on the naughty list after that stunt.

She doesn’t want a man, Henry Sr. She just confessed her deep, passionate, sexual love for Christina like 20 minutes ago, remember? Sometimes I wonder why I bother. It’s not even subtext, dude. Get it together, man.

Why don’t they fight themselves with magic?

Her dad is so heartbroken the person Regina hates most is herself. 

That is really sad that the person she hates most his herself. I can relate.

Yes! Launch those apples at yourself! 

My conversations with myself be like-

Oh boy. This is too reminiscent of conversations with myself. Yes, I sword fight myself wearing a fancy black, cleavage-revealing dress in my head all the time. Only joking, I wear trilby hats. 

Oh okay. Now they’re tying each other up. I see what this is really about. I still haven’t bleached the “we do like it rough, don’t we Regina?” line from my mind. 

I suppose she did take back some of her own darkness. But I was hoping she would just merge herself back together. That would have been a really predictable outcome, but I just would have preferred it. 

This scene is so weird lol, but it helped me tremendously. I used to hate myself so, so much. You don’t even understand. It was like a violent hatred for myself for not fitting in and for every single little mistake I’d ever made. Then with a lot of self- healing and the help of this episode I began my journey into loving myself. I wrote on a sticky note “Love yourself. If the Evil Queen can do it, so can you.” and stuck it to my wall. Nothing I’ve done is comparable to what the Evil Queen has done and if she can learn to love herself, why can’t everyone else. Anyone who’s struggling with self-hatred, please take this episode to heart. You are worthy of love, most importantly from yourself. Any time you find yourself hating yourself just try to remember this scene and that the flipping Evil Queen of all people recognised the importance of self-love and didn’t give a damn what anyone else thought. She damn well gave herself a chance. I’ve heard a good technique is looking in the mirror and telling yourself what you love about you. Even if you’re not feeling it at first, you could get into the habit of it and your brain will start to accept those words as true. Because they are true.

Aww she sees the Charmings as her family. 

Regina: “it did give me hope when I needed it most, and that is just as important.” Oh my God, preach the word Regina! Regina is preaching with fire today! 

It’s like she’s having a therapy session with herself. I need to do that. I really do. Then I need to get actual therapy lol xD. But baby steps! 

Okay. A loophole as to how he can change Split Queen’s story. You know what, at this point I’ve learnt just to go with it.

Can Snow and Zelena be best friends? Please. It’s literally all I want in life. And to join Snowing’s marriage. I’m not asking for much. I’ll talk about it in self-therapy.

Henry’s got Gideon’s haircut now. He wants to be cool like his uncle.

I want to look at myself with the love and adoration Regina looks at herself with. We should all get to that point where we look like we’re about to intensely make out with ourselves when we look in the mirror. 

I know what they were doing with page 23. I just wish Split Queen had changed her outfit so it could have been exactly like the page illustration. But I don’t think it was meant to predict the future. It was just one of Isaac’s fanfictions, wasn’t it? Hmm. I think it was a mystery to him as well if I can remember correctly.

It’s nice that oq shippers got their ship in the end in one form.

Snow is just constantly high up to her eyeballs on hope, bless her. 

Emma needs a dog. She seems like such a dog person.

Also, that enchilada was yumilicious, if I do say so myself.

#ouat #once upon a time #regina mills #emma swan #the evil queen #ouat 6x14 #6x14 page 23 #ouat rewatch #ouat rewatch 2019

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vivithefolle · 4 years

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Ron’s greatest acts of bravery

An itty-bitty butthurty Harmony shipper reported this answer of mine and got it deleted by the Quora moderation. Naturally, I have contested this decision, but my appeal has been unanswered as of now. So here’s what we’re going to do, folks: I’m gonna repost this answer of mine here, where no angwy widdle Hawmony shipper can censor it. And y’all are going to spam the reblog button until people can’t go in the Harry Potter tag without finding this answer reblogged at least five times over. Good? Good.

(this is totally a demarcation line I don’t know what you’re talking about)

What was Ron Weasley's greatest act of bravery in any of the Harry Potter movies or books?

We of course have the mythical “I’ll be a knight” but that’s so easy. Ron would die for his loved ones any day of any week, because that’s how stupidly selfless and self-effacing he is.

There is the equally mythical “If you want to kill Harry, you’ll have to kill us too!” which reeks of badassery and awesomeness, but it has also been quoted before, and to be fair that wasn’t one of Ron’s greatest acts of bravery. Oh, yes, it is incredibly brave, but Ron has plenty more of those to give.

One that is often forgotten is “He beat you!”, spoken to Voldemort in the flesh, which also highlights just how far Ron has come from the beginning of the series - because unlike what the haters want you to believe, Ronald Weasley has an actual character arc. An arc that keeps getting reseted and postponed in-between books because his author is too busy trying to make her Mary Sue look better instead, but he has one, and it’s so perfectly illustrated by this:

"... and until Hagrid told me, I didn't know anything about be ing a wizard or about my parents or Voldemort" Ron gasped. "What?" said Harry. "You said You-Know-Who's name!" said Ron, sounding both shocked and impressed. "I'd have thought you, of all people --" - Philosopher’s Stone

—-

"Malfoy's dad must have told him," said Harry, ignoring Ron. "He was right in Voldemort's inner circle --" "Say You-Know-Who, will you?" interjected Ron angrily. - Prisoner of Azkaban

—-

“My scar hurts, and three days later the Death Eaters are on the march, and Voldemort's sign's up in the sky again." "Don't - say - his - name!" Ron hissed through gritted teeth. "And remember what Professor Trelawney said?" Harry went on, ignoring Ron. - Goblet Of Fire

—-

"You see?" said Voldemort, and Harry felt him striding backward and forward right beside the place where he lay. "Harry Potter is dead! Do you understand now, deluded ones? He was nothing, ever, but a boy who relied on others to sacrifice themselves for him!" "He beat you!" yelled Ron, and the charm broke, and the defenders of Hogwarts were shouting and screaming again until a second, more powerful bang extinguished their voices once more.

From the boy who flinched at Voldemort’s name, to the man who was the first to sass back to Voldemort when the latter dissed his best mate. To say nothing of the fact that this was the first time Ron ever saw Voldemort in the flesh. Ron had never seen Voldemort before, yet the second Voldemort says something about Harry, Ron is up in arms and ready to kill the Dark Lord with his bare hands.

We could go with the tested-and-true “follow the spiders”. Unlike in the movies where Harry immediately sees a trail of spiders and Ron follows moaning and bumbling all the while, in the books Harry and Ron are comfortably in the castle when they decide to follow. Ron has the time to psych himself up, to terrify himself into imagining the spiders, and was given the time to backtrack a million times over. But he didn’t. This one Tumblr post has said it all.

Yes, “Follow the spiders” is probably one of Ron’s bravest moments, but…

But, but, but.

There’s more.

Sure, I absolutely adore Ron and can’t choose between all those awesome moments he has to his name, because they’re all so wonderful. From the ones that highlight just how much he’s grown and developed in spite of his own author treating him like an afterthought; from the ones that showcase just how good a kid he is, how much he loves and fights for his friends; all those moments that show that no, Ron Weasley isn’t a fair-weather friend and anyone who calls him that needs a high-five in the face with a block of concrete…

Out of those moments, out of them all, I have to pick something that is too often forgotten, too often glossed over, even by those of us who love Ron.

I’m talking, naturally, of his return.

Harry had no strength to lift his head and see his savior’s identity. All he could do was raise a shaking hand to his throat and feel the place where the locket had cut tightly into his flesh. It was gone. Someone had cut him free. Then a panting voice spoke from over his head, “Are—you—mental?”

Whether you think that Ron “abandoned” Harry and Hermione, whether you think that Ron is a traitor or a man with the patience of a saint who put up with Harry and Hermione’s bullshit for too long. Whether you think the three times Harry told him to leave were a factor or whether you place the blame solely on Ron’s shoulders.

Ron comes back to save Harry’s life.

But not only that.

“No!” said Ron. “No, don’t open it! I’m serious!” “Why not?” asked Harry. “Let’s get rid of the damn thing, it’s been months—” “Because that thing’s bad for me!” said Ron, backing away from the locket on the rock. “I can’t handle it! I’m not making excuses, Harry, for what I was like, but it affects me worse than it affected you and Hermione, it made me think stuff — stuff I was thinking anyway, but it made everything worse. I can’t explain it, and then I’d take it off and I’d get my head on straight again, and then I’d have to put the effing thing back on—I can’t do it, Harry!” He had bakced away, the sword dragging at his side, shaking his head.

Ron came back, even though he knew it would mean being with the thing that had tortured him all this time.

The thing that latched onto all of Ron’s weak spots, cultivated them, weaponized them, used them to push Ron closer and closer to the edge, until he couldn’t take it anymore and snapped. (Funny how some will act as though Hermione’s birds were her “snapping”, but when Ron is holding Voldemort’s soul in his hands and going insane under their very eyes they just say “hurr durr teh locket didnt do nuthin”…)

And with this thing preying on him, tormenting him, Ron did what any rational, sane human being would have done when their abuser forgets to lock the door.

He opened it and ran.

But, but, but, and that’s where the bravery comes in.

He came back.

He knew there was this thing that preyed upon him relentlessly, a thing that managed to make him believe his best friends didn’t want nor cared about him, that his entire existence amounted to nothing, that he was just a waste of space nobody wanted around.

“Why return? We were better without you, happier without you, glad of your absence... We laughed at your stupidity, your cowardice, your presumption —”

“You mother confessed,” sneered Riddle-Harry, while Riddle-Hermione jeered, “that she would have preferred me as a son, would be glad to exchange...” “Who wouldn’t prefer him, what woman would take you, you are nothing, nothing, nothing to him,” crooned Riddle-Hermione

Ron fled from this sort of abuse, from this sort of torture, then he decided to come back for more.

Because even though he believed his friends didn’t need him, even though he thought his friends were better off without him, he still wanted to make himself useful. He still wanted to help.

And once he’d saved Harry, he was back to facing the entity that has been torturing him, and that entity proceeded to show off Ron’s deepest, most shameful secrets… to his best mate.

Ron’s entire self-esteem is tied to the way his loved ones perceive him:

“You did brilliantly, Ron!” This time it really was Hermione running toward them from the stands; Harry saw Lavender walking off the pitch, arm in arm with Parvati, a rather grumpy expression on her face. Ron looked extremely pleased with himself and even taller than usual as he grinned at the team and at Hermione.

The image the Mirror of Erised showed Ron was one of glory and fame… or was it?

"No -- I'm alone -- but I'm different -- I look older -- and I'm head boy!" "What?" "I am -- I'm wearing the badge like Bill used to -- and I'm holding the house cup and the Quidditch cup -- I'm Quidditch captain, too."

Being Head Boy and Quidditch captain. He could have seen himself being crowned World’s Best Emperor if he wanted, with legions of fans throwing himself at him, but that doesn’t happen.

Instead he sees himself being like Bill. Like his cool older brother. And Quidditch captain, like his other cool older brother Charlie.

What Ron wants… is to make his loved ones proud.

Ron defines himself by the way his loved ones look at him.

When Malfoy calls him an idiot he scoffs because it’s Malfoy. When Hermione calls him an idiot, though…? Ouch.

And now all of Ron’s secrets, all his feelings of inadequacy and inferiority that he has tried to keep quiet throughout the series out of respect for Harry, his deepest fears… They’re all there for Harry to see, for Harry to judge, for Harry to feel disgusted by. Because how dare Ron Weasley have problems, how dare Ron Weasley be envious of Harry Potter, whose life is nothing but suffering?

Ron’s greatest act of bravery, to me, was coming back, even though for all he knew Harry and Hermione had hooked up while he was gone (they’d never, of course, but how could he know?), even though he knew it would mean being up for Round #2 of his private torture sessions with Voldemort, even though he believed he wouldn’t be welcome…

He still came back. Because it was the right thing to do.

Anyone who’s gonna tell me that Ronald Weasley isn’t loyal to the core can suck on a cactus.

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stranger-who-writes-fiction · 3 years

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Alright HERE WE GO...SOME PRESS!

By which I mean, Tom King was on ComicPop discussing Supergirl! So we have CONTEXT AND BACKGROUND INFO! WOO!

Gonna get into it below, but my recommendation, as always: the best way to have an informed opinion is to get the info firsthand, so don’t just take my word for it! Go forth! Watch the thing! (Language advisory, though. There is some swearing.)

Okay. With that out of the way, LET’S GO!

Gonna lead off with a summary of the Supergirl bits, as they discuss a variety of things, from Strange Adventures to Batman/Catwoman to the canned New Gods project:

How Tom King came to be the writer of Supergirl: Woman of Tomorrow:

King’s longtime editor, Jaime Rich, was moved from the Bat books to the Super books.

King, historically, likes to take on characters that ‘need help.’ He cites the example of Kirby who, upon coming to DC, asked what their lowest-selling title was, which is how he ended up on Jimmy Olsen.

So, when King asks which character needs help, Rich, to King: Supergirl. We have trouble selling that book.

King, describing Supergirl: ‘She’s singular in a way Mr. Miracle and Vision are not.’ Says that if you ask any four year old who Supergirl is, they know.

Editors asked him, ‘what’s your take? what are you gonna do with her?’

King then discusses the difference between his approach to Bat people vs. Super people.

Bat people: It’s a deconstruction approach. King brings up Kite Man from his Batman run. You tear the character down and build them back up, a la Dark Knight Returns

Super people: It’s not about deconstruction. Let them be themselves. They’re wonderful, let them be wonderful.

But he does mention sort of stripping down the character to their purest form; he describes it as chiseling off the barnacles that have built up on the character, over the years.

Additionally, he says ‘evil doesn’t work for the Super family of characters.’

He mentions Superman: Up in the Sky. He says that there’s deep stuff in Up in the Sky, but the theme of every page is simply: Superman is awesome.

King: “I don’t want to make Kara mean or sad. I want to test her.”

The host compares ‘angry Kara’ stories to ‘evil Superman’ stories in that there are many of them, such to the point that people think Kara is relatable because she’s miserable and angry all the time.

The host: I don’t get that.

(Same dude, same.)

King talked to Steve Orlando

They discussed the fact that Supergirl knew her planet; the people who died were her friends, family, classmates.

King summarizes Kara’s original Silver Age origin: she witnessed three huge, traumatic losses of life. First, when Krypton exploded. Then again when the Kryptonite started killing Argo residents, and then again when the meteorites destroyed the lead shielding that was keeping Argo safe.

King: “That’s some f-ing trauma! I don’t know if you’ve read my books, but I love the trauma in characters.”

King thus describes Kara as world-weary, she swears, ‘she has seen some sh*t’.

On the new character, Ruthye:

She’s a child on a vengeance quest.

She’s named after King’s niece, Ruthie.

The pronunciation for the comic character, though, is Ruth-Eye.

One of his sons told him to add the ‘e’ on the end to make it look cooler.

Further discussion of Kara herself:

King noted that there’s sometimes a tendency to be very precious with the character.

King: ‘Let’s not be precious with Supergirl.’

This is not the story of a sixteen-year-old girl discovering the world; King says that Supergirl has been that sixteen-year-old for a long time now.

He describes it more as a move from Supergirl to Superwoman.

Art and Influences:

Talking about the red sun planet that Kara visits for her twenty-first birthday, King says he was reading a lot of Conan, which influenced the look of that portion of the story.

The impetus for getting Evely on the book: King said his editor emailed him, ‘Hey, how about Bilquis?’ King: “And I did a happy dance!”

Evely sent King a mood board of the types of things she wanted to draw; Moebius, Kirby, Wally Wood, landscapes in particular.

Also, King says Evely is fast! She’s already halfway through the book, art-wise, and King is confident the book will release on time.

The host asked him, following up on King’s description of the book as a fantasy/western, ‘Is this True Grit?’

King: “It’s True Grit inspired. The novel AND the movie.”

If asked to give the Hollywood pitch: ‘It’s True Grit in space with Supergirl as Rooster Cogburn.’

Details about this book, as compared to Other Tom King titles:

He’s using captions on this comic--he’d thrown out captions as a storytelling device after Batman, but he found a ‘good voice’ for this comic.

King was prepared to do his usual twelve issues, but they said no one buys Supergirl comics, so it’s eight issues.

King says that Strange Adventures, Rorschach, and to a lesser extent, Batman/Catwoman, were written at a time when the world felt very apocalyptic.

He considers them to be angrier books; they are about what happens when evil is in our life, and how we deal with that.

Supergirl is the start of the ‘next generation’ of titles.

It was written during the pandemic, but King hoped that by the time it was released, the pandemic and this very dark time in our history would be past.

He says it’s a ‘roaring 20s’ book. Not about anger, or trauma, it’s about stepping into the future and kicking a**.

THUS CONCLUDES the Supergirl portion of the interview.

Okay, so! Now that we’ve been objective and presented the information in a straightforward, unbiased manner...SOME THOUGHTS AND OPINONS!

The thing I was most curious about was how King got the book, so I was EXTREMELY PLEASED to get the full story.

This wasn’t like. King desperately wanting to do a Supergirl book, nor was it DC coming to King like, ‘Take Supergirl!’

Sadly, it was, ‘which book needs the most help right now? In the Superman lineup?’

He even said that Supergirl was kind of just sitting around, no one was doing anything with her/there were no plans.

(So the idea that King stole this opportunity from a woman is not true. There were NO PLANS.)

(Also it’s not based on the FS stuff, I suspect they gave the FS team some ideas from his pitch to work with, as that entire event was sort of a stop-gap/fill-in as they hurried to relaunch their line.)

Anyways!

My initial thought that this is DC’s attempt to sell some dang Supergirl books? Not that far off! XD

Boy, I hope it works.

(Important to note: This is not news. Supergirl has historically always sold poorly. I’ve heard from actual Supergirl writers that the trades do not sell, which is a huge problem.

So King, who is KNOWN for having really good trade sales, is as solid a gamble as they could probably hope for.

He said Superman: Up in the Sky is his third best-selling trade. A WAL-MART BOOK! Is just behind Vision and Mr. Miracle!

Basically: If this doesn’t work, I don’t know that anything will.)

As for the specifics of King’s take in particular!

Again...I really want to see it, before I pass judgement on it.

I liked the Andreyko run! And that was pretty edgy!

Also, we have never seen a twenty-something Kara, post-Crisis. She’s always been a teenager. Thus I’m pretty willing to go along with this approach because it’s entirely new territory.

And it does seem like King is enjoying leaning into the idea of a Super who swears and kicks butt and is just a little ‘done’ with it all.

It might not mesh with my ideal Kara but again. I need to see it, before I come to any firm conclusions.

Honestly the thing that gives me the most pause? Is that King says this book really focuses on Supergirl, not Kara, which is a more recent identity for her.

(That is somewhat true! The ‘Kara Danvers’ identity is wholly new to the show; she’s always been Linda Lee, Linda Danvers, Kara Kent, or Linda Lang, when she has a secret identity. Sometimes she doesn’t.)

(Also of note: Tom pronounces it ‘Care-a’, like the cartoon.)

(PERSONALLY I like KAHr-a, like in the show, because it creates a phonetic consistency with ‘KAHl-el’ but that’s not really relevant to a comic book. You can mentally pronounce it however you choose! XD)

So, yeah, I like the Kara Danvers part of her identity, I like earth-bound Supergirl stories, but. This isn’t that. Which I’ll need to make peace with, I guess. XD

Otherwise? Tell me a story, Mr. King. Even if I hate it, Evely will draw it beautifully, Lopes will color it masterfully, and that’s half the battle, right there.

I’m sad King didn’t mention the Gates/Igle run! But I also understand he’s probably been looking at more recent stuff; those Gates/Igle comics are fifteen years old, oh man, oh geez, how are they that old already.

King did confirm that this is 100% in-continuity, and will affect the character going into the future.

But, IDK, given the sort of. Grim beginnings of how this book came to be, what with the reminder that the Supergirl title doesn’t sell well...who knows what the future will look like, for Kara!

I stand by my guess that Kara will graduate to ‘Superwoman’ and the Supergirl mantle will pass to someone else, maybe Ruthye? She might be a bit young, though.

Mmm. What else, what else?

Oh, this is pretty funny, IMO: when King first teased the new character, Ruthye, a bunch of SG fans rushed to google to see if there was any clue as to like. What it could mean.

And they freaked out over some obscure connection where that name appears but hey, turns out! It’s just a made up name! Based on King’s niece!

It’s funny because SG fans never learn, man. Just chill out, read the dang book, then get all upset and huff and puff and blow your twitter house down.

They briefly mentioned the Peter David run; King said the PAD stuff was great.

He’s already teased that ‘treat’ and, okay. Time for some rumination on that specifically.

I’ve read the whole PAD run. It wasn’t my cup of tea, I don’t really like the DnD, angels and demons stuff. Also, it wasn’t Kara; it’s an entirely different character who uses the name ‘Supergirl.’

Also, stuff from that run didn’t age well.

And on top of that, PAD turned out to be...kind of a jerk! As so many folks in the comic industry are.

There’s also...an extremely weird, mean-spirited vibe through the whole back half of the run; I thought maybe I was imagining it at the time, but I recently went back to “Many Happy Returns”, the final story arc of the title, and David’s introduction in the trade...it doesn’t read like a guy who was in it for the love of the character, you know?

All of which to say! I’m not excited about connections to the PAD stuff.

But I know a lot of fans who love that run, love that version of the character.

So like. Eh! Not for me, but to the folks who enjoy it, I hope it’s cool/fun, whatever it is.

(Still think it’ll be a variant or an easter egg or something, but we’ll see.)

(Oh, hmmm! Evely *did* post a WIP of like. Some creepy skull gate that they presumably encounter...hmmmmm.)

Okay, this is crazy long, and there’s no fun art or anything to go with it--OR IS THERE?!?!?!

BOOM. From Bilquis Evely’s twitter today. (GO. FOLLOW. HER. FOR THE GOOD ART.)

(LIKE!!! I look at this and I just! Can’t! Bring myself to not be hyped as all heck! LOOK AT THIS! AND iT’S JUST THE PENCILS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

God, wish that Supergirl sold better, so we could get a full year of this. HNNNNGGGGGGG.

Oh! That was another thing King discussed in detail; that 8 is way different from his usual 12, in terms of pacing and story. The beats fall at different places (obviously) so it was a bit of a challenge for him.

Actually, now that I’m thinking about it...maybe 8 will be good. Issue 10 just dropped for Strange Adventures, and wow, it has felt LONG. (I mean, the last four? Three? issues are also bi-monthly so that doesn’t help but. Still.)

(Superman: Up in the Sky was twelve issues but half the length, because it was a Wal-Mart book, so it was more like six.)

OKAY! For real, I’ve gone on long enough. XD

SOON. Soon. June 15th, to be exact. Mark yer calendars!

#stranger speaks #supergirl: woman of tomorrow #long post #LONG!#dc comics

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aw-eather · 4 years

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@alexapreece asked me to do Samantha Carter for the character thing.

favourite thing about them I love many things about Sam Carter. - Her Sass - Her brains - Her love and loyalty for her team and friends - The fact that she is a strong woman who keeps up with the guys, kicks ass and doesn’t care about getting messy while she does it - She also likes being feminine and dressing up for dates/going out which is awesome becase it shows she can be a tough and excellent soldier but also still “A Girl” (you know what I mean?) - She loves her job and wants to have a good career but she also wants a relationship/family and its not very often that you see that. Women who say they want families in shows usually have that as their only plot but Sam is still career orientated and I love that about her. Makes me feel like I can still be a feminist and still want to settle down one day - She is a tough soldier who does what she needs to do but she also shows so much emotion when emotion needs showing. And that emotion never makes her weak and I LOVE THAT,

least favourite thing about them Genuienly don’t know what I don’t like about Sam... NO THATS A LIE I DO F***ing Pete is all I’m gonna say. She basically tells Jack she loves him and then GETS ENGAGED ANWAY I’m sorry I cannot

favourite line “Jack, please” “Jonas, you are such a chicken shit” “passwords fishing” and there are probably loads more than don’t come to mind right now.

brOTP Jonas and Teal’c and Janet!

OTP Pete.

No I joke, its obviously Jack!!!

nOTP Bloody Pete.

random headcanon That Sam took in Cassie when Janet died and became her Guardian

unpopular opinion Not unpopular but I hate how Sam was used/treated after s8.. that includes the movies.

song I associate with them I don’t have one, sorry! favourite picture of them I don’t have just one but this one is up there (sorry about the quality)

#Samantha Carter #Sam Carter #Amanda Tapping #Ask answered #answered ask #SG1

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thebibliomancer · 4 years

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #213: COURT-MARTIAL

November, 1981

Aw sweet, I could win a ten-speed!

Welp. Here we go.

This title doesn’t fuck around. This cover doesn’t fuck around.

You know, the Avengers are actually a very rules based organization. In an average issue, its a bit weird to think about these goofuses actually following a charter but its true.

Much more so than the X-Men or the Fantastic Four. The Avengers are always talking about who’s going to be the chairman and procedural things. I think because the Avengers are more a group of equals than the X-Men or Fantastic Four are. The X-Men and the FF have a clear cut leader.

But the Avengers need rules because your common Avengers either all think they could be leading the team, actually could, or all of the above. They need an explicit charter to keep those egos in line.

But I guess my point is, having read 213 and change issues relating to the Avengers, you’d think that court martials would show up more often. They are a group prone to nonsense decisions. I think the one other one we see has Iron Man court martialed and suspended for a time for not responding to an Avengers call and not being able to account for it (since it related to secret identity stuff).

I have to figure that they tend to happen off-screen as necessary with exoneration generally occurring.

This one happens on-screen. And follows up on last time: wherein Yellowjacket shot a mysterious magic woman in the back when Cap was trying to use words and not punches to resolve things.

This is a grim day for the Avengers. They have to put one of their own under investigation and their furnishing related mishaps just keep mishappening.

Look at Thor and Iron Man squeezed onto one tiny table. Cap doesn’t even have room. He has to dramatically stand.

Although this is actually the pre-court martial. Captain America has leveled charges on Yellowjacket and Thor and Iron Man are going to decide whether it warrants proceeding or not.

Captain America: “Yesterday, we engaged in combat with a mysterious woman possessing strange, awesome powers who was attacking Washington, D.C. After heavy fighting -- I managed to win through her defenses and reach her! I’d succeeded in convincing her to cease hostilities -- when, suddenly, for no reason, Yellowjacket blast her with his disruptor ‘sting’ at full force -- in the back! Fortunately, she weathered his attack -- but his action re-ignited the conflict! It could have cost us all our lives... and left the city defenseless!”

Iron Man asks whether Yellowjacket has any explanation for his action.

And since “I was a jerk!” isn’t a great defense, Hank goes with “no explanation!”

Without any explanation for his actions, its decided to convene a formal court martial for three days hence. Until then, Yellowjacket is on temporary suspension. Since Avengers don’t carry guns or badges, he’s asked to turn over his Avengers’ priority ID card. Which presumably gets you discounts at the snack bar as well as some sway with the government and such.

Hank protests but the rules are firm and Hank himself helped write them back in the day.

Outside the... meeting room? Tiny library? Gosh, I’d love a layout to the Avengers mansion. Why aren’t they meeting in their sweet conference room- oh right. The table shrank.

Anyway, outside wherever, Wasp in her new... and frankly lingerie-looking costume is fretting.

(Jan, why are your fashion instincts so hit and miss and miss?)

And then Tigra boops her on the head.

Tigra has continued to be as cat as an equivalent weight in cats and has climbed the wall to hang out on the wall trim. Somehow.

Wasp: “Tigra! What are you doing up there?”

Tigra: “Same thing you’re doing down there -- wondering what’s going on inside! When cats get nervous, they climb! You should try it! It might relax you!”

Tigra also assures Wasp that everything will be alright but privately hopes that it will be. And also dunks on Hank a little.

Tigra: (I’ve never seen a woman so hung up on a guy! And such a strange guy! He seems like such a cold fish... all wrapped up in whatever murky stuff is churning around inside himself! He gives me the creeps!)

Yellowjacket comes out of the whatever room and Wasp is immediately on him, asking he hold her. And he’s like

mmnnyurrh

Yellowjacket: “Jan, just -- just get away from me! Leave me alone! Haven’t I got enough to contend with without you slobbering all over me?”

When she turns away sadly he apologizes and hugs her, saying he’s just afraid because the Avengers are going to court martial him.

A still lurking on the wall like a five foot something cat Tigra wonders to herself “Jan, baby! I just don’t get it! Don’t you know you’re worth ten of him?”

She’s right and she should say it.

The pre-court martial panel splits, to meet up again in three days for the court martial.

Captain America flips off the roof into a thunderstorm to get some serious thinking and flashbacking done. He’s extra like that. I mean, seriously. There’s a front door, STEVE.

Cap: “I wonder... am I doing the right thing? Was Yellowjacket’s action just a mistake -- ? Something that could happen to anyone?”

He thinks back to the war, when he in disguise as Perfectly Average Steve Rogers PFC was on a recon patrol and his unit ran right into a huge German advance.

His unit got cut to pieces around him until he was the only one left. At that point, he ripped his uniform off to reveal he was dressed in layers as CAPTAIN AMERICA.

I was going to snark that his secret identity was worth more than the lives of his unit but I dunno that even a Captain America could have done much to save his GI guys. The way its portrayed and all. Steve even thinks that his number is up so might as well go out as CAPTAIN AMERICA.

“It was early in my career -- after I had established myself but before I had seen much front-line combat! Till that day, I hadn’t suspected how wise the government had been in giving me this costume! The very sight of Captain America seemed to terrify the German soldiers, as, fighting like a man possessed, I cut a swath through their ranks...”

Cap fought and fought until there were no more enemies standing. Surrounded by collapsed and probably unconscious and not at all dead German soldiers.

He hears a sound behind him and acting on battle instinct he throws his mighty shield with the intention to make someone yield.

But: instant regrets.

“The sound was a child... a war orphan, collecting brass to sell for money to buy food! Thank god, she was bending to pick up a shell casing just as my shield would have struck! Meant to stun a full-grown man, it probably would have broken her neck if it had hit!”

Wow! Cap almost killed an orphan!

The point being that Cap wonders if he has the right to accuse Hank, when “there, but for the grace of god...”

Meanwhile, Iron Man has stayed back at the mansion to refresh his memories with some research in the Avengers records.

This is one part a montage of previous Hank Pym moments and one part ‘actually I did do the research before I wrote this’ from Jim Shooter.

Because, yeah, Jim Shooter, according to Jim Shooter, went back and reread every single appearance by Hank Pym and Janet Van Dyne before writing this story. Believe it or don’t but the montage is here so he at least did enough to get panels to reference or reuse.

Iron Man notes Hank’s tendency to change identities and costumes frequently, how his gaining the power to go giant didn’t work out too well for him, how he left and rejoined the group, never seemed comfortable with the Avengers, and in Iron Man’s estimation that he felt outclassed by the other founders.

And perhaps the reason he kept ping ponging between the team and his research was a lack of success in either one. How his attempts to achieve a scientific breakthrough to prove himself (I guess Pym Particles are a case of ‘what have you done for me lately?’ or just that he didn’t want to be a one-hit wonder) bore only Ultron, one of the Avengers’ deadliest enemies.

Iron Man: “But I wonder... can he ever truly be free of the spectre of Ultron -- ? Can he ever be more than a haunted, hollow man drowning in a sea of guilt over the wrongs done by his monstrous creation? Can he ever rid himself of the desperate need he has to redeem himself in his own eyes?”

That’s a hell of a way to talk about your friend, Tony. I know the Avengers have a policy of not interfering in each others personal lives but its probably not the best policy to watch him struggling and just wait to see if he figures out his shit on his own.

I don’t know.

Iron Man: “And if he is in that kind of inner turmoil, he needs our help... our support... our love! Hank is a friend to us all... a founder of this group! How can we turn our backs on him when he needs us most? How dare we punish him for a mistake that any of us might have made?”

Oh! Well! Learn me to not flip the page. I guess in fairness Hank has been at his worst here than previous times.

Anyway, as I said, Tony doing this research mirrors Jim Shooter doing his research. And Tony reaches much the same conclusion as Shooter does, although perhaps more kindly worded.

Jim Shooter: “Back in 1981 I was writing the Avengers. Hank Pym aka Yellowjacket was married to Janet Van Dyne aka the Wasp and things had not been going well for him for a long time. Before I embarked on the storyline ... I reread every single appearance of both characters. His history was largely a litany of failure, always changing guises and switching back and forth from research to hero-ing because he wasn’t succeeding at either. He was never the Avenger who saved the day at the end and usually the first knocked out or captured. His most notable ‘achievement’ in the lab was creating Ultron. Meanwhile, his rich, beautiful wife succeeded in everything she tried. She was also always flitting around his shoulders, saying things to prop up his ego.”

Geez, Jim.

I don’t know about Hank never saving the day at the end. Never is a bit much. But I don’t want to reread 213 minus issues to say for sure.

But this is the portrayal of Hank that went into writing this story and Iron Man is the one who speaks it aloud.

Outside the mansion, Wasp and Yellowjacket run into a group of young fans right as they leave. The fans all want Wasp’s autograph and mistake Hank’s codename for Bumblebee and ask if he’s ever done anything.

Wasp: “Look, I’m just his sidekick! You’d better get his autograph too!”

A child, probably: “Nah! We just want yours! Right, guys?”

This is like that scene with Hulk in Endgame where he tries to get the fans to appreciate Ant-Man too, to Scott’s growing annoyance with the situation. Except not as played for laughs.

On their limo ride to their Cresskill, NJ home, Wasp tells Hank not to let those smart-aleck kids get to him.

Yellowjacket: “... Well, they were right! What have I ever done? Nothing!”

Wasp: “Hank, don’t be silly! Oh, who cares what they think? You’ll always be my hero!”

In fairness, Wasp has been actively on the team for a bit and memories are short. Hank’s been busy in his lab. Which Wasp reminds him but that's the lab she paid for and where he’s accomplished NOTHING!

The staff of the house also dig the knife in a little, possibly unintentionally but eh who can say. When they address the couple Mrs. Pym, aka the person who signs their checks is primary and Hank is the after thought. But possibly they just interact more with Jan if Hank has been cooped up in his lab.

Jenkins: “Welcome home, Mrs. Pym! Uh, you too, sir!”

Jenkins in the next panel: “Madame, would you like us to begin preparing your luncheon now? And Mr. Pym’s too, of course!”

And then, things get awkward. Although oh lord, Jan is trying.

Wasp: “Alone at last! Thank goodness! It seems that we never have any time just to be together by ourselves anymore! You know, just to talk, and --”

Yellowjacket: “I don’t want to talk about my problems, Jan! I know you mean well, but --”

Wasp: “But I’m ‘dingaling Jan, the airhead heiress’! Every time I try to help I just make things worse! I know! I -- I’m sorry! I always goof everything up... always say the wrong things! I’m such a dumbbell! It’s a good thing I found you to think for me, darling! You’re so smart... so strong... mmm... so sexy! All I want to do is melt in your arms... be yours! I need you to protect me and keep me warm, lover! Oh, Hank! Let’s just sneak off to bed and cuddle and kiss and -- and let me show you how much I love you! Whaddaya say, big boy?”

Yellowjacket: “Uh... not now, honey! I -- I’m just, just a little too tense now! You understand, don’t you? I think I’ll go putter around in the lab for awhile! Maybe that’ll relax me! See you later... okay?”

Eeesh.

Eeeeeeeeesh. It almost hurts watching Jan diminish herself so much to try to make him feel better.

Although a lot of her solutions seem to be ‘lets make out until you feel better’ but she did offer to talk. Not even about anything specific. And Hank automatically assumes that the only thing to possibly talk about is his problems.

Hank locks himself up in his lab, realizing that he’s disappointed Jan but saying that its better to not even try to get romantic while he’s this upset.

Yellowjacket: “I wouldn’t blame her if she hated me! I’m a failure as a husband... just like I’m a failure as a hero! So here I am again, hiding out in the lab... where I’m a failure as a scientist! I hate this place! ... But I keep coming back -- because, here at least I had one success!”

And yes, that one success he credits himself with... is Ultron!

Yellowjacket: “Yes... here I accomplished what no one else ever has! I built a robot capable of independent thought! Here, I created... Ultron! Even that went wrong! Even that, my own success turned into a disaster! A failure! But maybe, just maybe, my one success will yet provide the key to my salvation!”

And he starts putting together a new robot!

Hoooooooooo boyyyyyyyyyyyyy, Hank. Building robots isn’t always the solution!

Also: in order: does the robot Human Torch just not count then? And do Pym Particles not count?

SCENE AND TIME CHANGE

Three days have passed, it is dawn of the three days later.

Tigra is spending her morning napping because she is here to cat to the utmost.

Look at this. Ridiculous.

You are a ridiculous individual, Tigra Greer Grant Nelson.

And like a cat, sleep can be a tenuous thing for the faint sound of footstep on carpet outside her room has her spring out of bed and answer the door of her room before Jarvis even knocks.

Because Tigra is here to be a cat and unnerve Jarvis, for reasons which escape me.

She jokes about Jarvis bringing her a mouse for breakfast but he’s really here with her weekly stipend check from Tony Stark.

This is a thing that’s been implied but not explicitly spoken but the Avengers actually get paid for being Avengers. Its not really a salary as much as a stipend.

I don’t know that there’s a difference, except maybe legally. Maybe in regards to taxes. Maybe stipends don’t get income taxed and you don’t need to submit a form to the IRS.

That our Tony! Ha ha ha pay your taxes ya dink

Anyway, the weekly check is a ‘merely’ a modest stipend to defray miscellaneous living expenses. Most Avengers refuse the stipend because, well, they don’t need it! And most Avengers aren’t going to pocket a thousand dollars they don’t need just to laugh at Tony for handing out free money.

Your Thors, Iron Mans, Wasps and Antgiantyellowjacket Men.

But the Avengers that live in the mansion and have no outside means of support (definitely Hawkeye whenever he was on the team, definitely Beast and he definitely bought weed with it, Wonder Man, probably Scarlet Witch and Vision) accept the money.

Tigra: “Well, I’ll sure take it! I’m tired of being broke!”

And then she actually looks at the check.

Tigra: “Jarv, this check -- ! It’s for a thousand dollars!”

Jarvis: “If that is not sufficient, madame, I’m sure Mr. Stark would be happy to increase the amount!”

Tigra: “Increase the --! No, that’s okay, Jarv! This’ll do just fine! Whee! We’re in the money... we’re in the money!”

So according to an online calculator $1000 in 1981 dollars is worth about $2,820.56 in 2020 dollars!

Plus no rent because firemen sleep in the firehouse!

Being good really is its own reward! Where do I get some superpowers, an invitation to the Avengers, and probably a c-list fodder death in the next event!

Ok so maybe its not all great to be an Avenger. But the monetary compensation certainly sounds good to some!

And it bears mentioning that Tigra signed up to be an Avenger when all she thought she’d get out of it was a place to sleep and a chance to do hero stuff.

Anyway, Jarvis also reminds her that she has to attend the court martial meeting at four, prompting her to say “Aw! Don’t remind me of downers like that now, Jarv!”

You’re a classy person, Tigra.

Stop sexually harassing the butler and also anyone. Its just uncomfortable.

And poor Jarvis continues to be allergic to cats and giant woman cats. Poor, poor Jarvis.

As four approaches, the Avengers all start to head to the mansion for the court martial.

Iron Man as Tony Stark, normal billionaire man, cuts short a board meeting claiming another appointment. One of the board members is like lucky dog is probably off to a date with a startlet but oh ironies man, Tony would trade places with the board guy Dillworth if he could because he’s not looking forward to this.

And at Upper West Side Medical Clinic, Brilliant Perfectly Normal Surgeon Dr. Donald Blake is doing surgery when he realizes drat that Avengers meeting is soon.

So he asks the other doctors to finish up without him and takes off.

In fairness, in fairness! The patient was out of mortal peril. It was just the closing up and such that was left. But the other doctors are like look at that arrogant doctor man, he may be the best doctor on Earth but I don’t like his attitude.

And in the court martial room waits Captain America. Still stuck in that conundrum he’s been in.

Captain America: “When the court martial convenes, I don’t know how I’m going to find the courage to look Hank in the eye and then demand that he be expelled from the Avengers -- but I must... though it will be the most difficult thing I’ve ever done! I’m going to prosecute the case as best I can... because it’s my duty! But all the while I’ll be praying that they acquit you, Hank! I hope you understand!”

Cap is at least fair handed here. This is exactly the treatment he demanded for himself in the Charles Soule She-Hulk series where he asked Matt Murdock to prosecute the hell out of him and She-Hulk to be his defense in a wrongful death lawsuit.

The idea is this: if Hank is acquitted, then it clears his name without a shadow of a doubt because Cap wouldn’t have gone easy. Accountability, its a hell of a thing.

BUT NOW WE GO BACK SEVERAL HOURS to Cresskill and the casa de Wasp.

Janet woke up and found no Hank. He’s been locked in his lab since they got back from the pre-court martial three days ago. And she’s gotten worried that he’s hurt himself or gotten ill so she decides to invade his privacy a little bit.

Hank has locked the lab door but Jan can just about wriggle through the top because the insulation is a little cracked.

So she squirms into the very small gap between door and frame.

And finds Hank has built a medium giant robot.

He’s just finishing up the programming. Because he’s programming the robot (he calls it Sal, short for Salvation I) to locate and identify the Avengers visually as well as by brain-wave patterns.

Hank this is all very dubious! I can’t think of a good reason why you might secretly be building a robot and putting all of your friends’ faces in it!

But Sal’s detectors are running and its suddenly pinging two Avengers in the area, not one. And when Hank turns on the visual scan system to check, whoops! Jan’s here! Jan saw your robot!

Hank freaks out a little bit.

He slams his fist on the computer near where tiny bug her is standing and shouts.

Yellowjacket: “What are you doing here? Why did you come here? WHY?”

She tells him that she was worried because she hasn’t seen him in days but he accuses her of spying on him.

Jan reiterates that she wasn’t spying. She just wanted to make sure he was ok.

Annnnnnd. Hank decides that Jan being here is a serendipitous chance to test his new robot!

By having it attack Jan!

HANK!

Sal charges Jan and grabs her in its giant pincer hands. Jan tries blasting it with her bio-electric sting but to no effect.

As Hank brags Sal is made of invulnerable adamantium. Plus plus plus, he’s programmed to respond if she tries shrinking.

Yellowjacket: “Yeah, Sal’s a pretty tough customer... powerful enough to trash all of the Avengers together! No one can stop him -- except me, because I happen to know about his little secret weak spot! One precisely placed shot with my disruptor-blast stinger -- and Sal collapses, defeated!”

Jan then asks the pertinent question.

Hank Pym what the hell is this robot for??

Yellowjacket: “Why, I’m going to save my career, Jan! That’s what I’m going to do! Let’s be realistic, shall we? The charge against me is ‘endangering the safety of fellow Avengers and civilians through neglect’! The penalty is expulsion! They’re going to boot me out! This ‘court martial’ is just a formality!”

This isn’t a good plan. Nothing here is good. Only bad things will occur.

I’m not being silly, for a change. This is a bad scene.

It does what it intends to do, more or less. But its uncomfortable.

Jan is like c’mon don’t think like that. And Hank is like well, I’m going to give it a chance. But if things start going badly, boy howdy, I’m going to summon a robot to beat up my friends! Also Hank himself! That’s right! He programmed a robot to beat the shit out of him!

And then when things look their worst, Hank will save the day by blasting the robot in the secret weak spot and saving the day!

Jan tells him not to do this dumb thing.

Yellowjacket: “SHUT UP! I’ve got to do this! I’ve got to save the day right before their eyes! Don’t you see? It’s my only chance to redeem myself! It’s the only way!”

And there’s no way to really sugarcoat this. Hank just hauls off and hits her.

Or makes a very dramatic gesture and accidentally strikes her.

Jim Shooter has said that the hit wasn’t in the script.

Jim Shooter: “In that story (issue 213, I think), there is a scene in which Hank is supposed to have accidentally struck Jan while throwing his hands up in despair and frustration - making a sort of ‘get away from me’ gesture while not looking at her. Bob Hall, who had been taught by John Buscema to always go for the most extreme action, turned that into a right cross! There was no time to have it redrawn, which, to this day has caused the tragic story of Hank Pym to be known as the ‘wife-beater’ story.”

I don’t know. As I said last time with Gorn and Linnea, Hank is reflected in Gorn. And Gorn intentionally hit Linnea.

This doesn’t necessarily mean that it was set in stone that Hank would hit Jan. But it seems like it was foreshadowed in that way.

And here’s the thing: whether Hank intentionally hit her or not doesn’t really matter with how the story comes off and is attempting to come off.

Before he, intentionally or not, hits Jan directly he has also sicked a robot on her (and under-reacts when she says the robot is hurting her) and smashed his fist near her when she was small sized.

Any one of these would be unacceptable behavior.

And even if it was an accidental hit, Hank doesn’t express remorse or guilt or even awareness that he did a bad thing. He just keeps ranting as she’s sprawled to the floor.

Yellowjacket: “You’ve got to understand -- ! I can’t let them drum me out of the Avengers! I can’t! It’s all I have left! Since you had to stick your nose into my business, you’re in this with me now, Jan! I’ll keep it simple for you! All you’ve got to do is play along and keep your mouth shut! Got that?”

So. Yeah. Inadvertent or intentional doesn’t really change anything here. His behavior in this entire scene is beyond the pale.

So we time skip to the present of 4:27 PM, twenty-seven minutes after the start of the court martial and twenty-seven minutes of no show.

Tigra is getting frustrated.

Tigra: “I want to get this craziness over with! You know I’ve been an Avenger for a week! I feel pretty silly judging a guy who’s been around since day one!”

She asks if she can just cast a vote for acquittal preemptively and fuck off.

Iron Man says of course not! Although he thinks to himself that if it were possible, he would have done it and probably Thor too.

So that’s the situation regarding the Avengers’ thoughts on this court martial. Tigra wants to just vote to acquit because she’s only been here a week. Iron Man and probably Thor would also like to just vote to acquit. And Captain America is going to prosecute as hard as he can but is secretly hoping that Hank gets acquitted.

Far from Hank’s belief that the court martial is just a formality.

Anyway, Hank and Jan (wearing sunglasses) show up.

Yellowjacket: “Sorry we’re late! The George Washington Bridge was jammed as usual!”

Captain America: “No harm done, Hank!”

Yellowjacket: “You mean you won’t be pressing additional charge for malicious tardiness, Cap?”

Captain America: “Uh... let’s get started!”

Yeah. Off to a great start. Just. Not a good foot, Hank.

So the court martial starts! Thankfully the table has had a growth spurt or maybe got switched out for a bigger table.

So the voting will be by Tigra, Thor, and Iron Man. Wasp may participate but not vote because she’s Hank’s wife. Cap will prosecute.

And begin to prosecute he will do!

Captain America: “Four days ago, Yellowjacket blasted an enemy in the back -- an enemy who had already ceased hostilities! We all know that Hank’s no coward and not one to panic! It was a mistake... a misjudgement made on the spur of a tense, pressured moment! It could have triggered disaster!”

“But it didn’t! We were lucky! So, the temptation is to forget it... write it off! We tend to feel that way because each of us thinks that it’ll happen to us someday!”

“Wrong! We can’t let it happen! We’re the Avengers, not the Brooklyn Dodgers! One ‘error’ by one of us can cost thousands of lives! We don’t dare allow ourselves to think it’s ever all right to make a mistake!”

“Our responsibility is overwhelming! We’ve got to judge ourselves harshly! I recommend for Yellowjacket, as I would for myself, the severest possible penalty!”

So at this point Hank can please guilty to the charges and rely on the mercy of the court or defend himself from the charges.

And Hank decides to plead not guilty, of course!

Okay, so what’s your defense, Hank? You actually have a possible avenue here that Elf-Queen didn’t speak English and you were behind her so it was difficult to tell that hostilities had ceased and plus she had tossed your new teammate into space.

Are you going with something like that?

Yellowjacket: “I don’t deny the sequence of events as Cap described them... more or less! Yes, when it seemed as though the enemy had ceased fighting, my attack -- my ‘mistake’ -- seemed treacherous! But I find it odd that the great Captain America never even once considered treachery on the part of the enemy!”

“She could have been setting him up! By striking when I did, in the way I did, I may have actually saved his life! But is he grateful? No! Why not, one may ask!”

“Well, perhaps you noticed that the ‘enemy’ in question was a beautiful woman! Does he think I didn’t notice the way he was looking at her? Well it’s no wonder he’s so upset!”

“You like her, eh, Cap? And I hurt her -- and that’s why you have this vendetta against me, even though I may have saved your miserable life! Oh yes! I was actually the hero out there! Me! But, then, you turned it all around... you made a fool out of me!”

“And it worked, didn’t it? That’s when she started looking back! Isn’t it? Isn’t it? ISN’T IT?”

Yeah. That. Just sort of says it all, Iron Man.

Hank senses that maybe his rant wasn’t quite as convincing as it sounded in his head and demands Jan tell them how right he is!

Jan: “... no more! Let it end! I beg you, Hank, if you love me... let it end!”

And Thor sees her black eye and reacts in shock, asking if Hank hit her.

By the by the way, this is also why Chuck Austen’s retcon that Hank had been physically abusing Jan for a while can fuck off. Because in his telling, the Avengers knew for a while and just didn’t do anything.

And I do not like that as a concept.

So since this is going not how he’d prefer, Hank pulls the killer robot remote out of his outside pants and activates the killer robot.

Its got to be sunk cost at this point, right?

Even if he saves the day from the killer robot, does he think that they’re going to forget the black eye and his rant that really Captain America is too horny?

AND THEN THE ROBOT BUSTS IN THROUGH THE WALL AND STARTS BEATING EVERYONE UP

with a KA-BWHOOM! naturally.

The Avengers rally despite the surprise and try to fight back but the robot is made of adamantium and we know how much trouble the Avengers always have with Ultron.

Cap tries throwing his shield at Sal and it doesn’t even yield! In fact, Sal catches the shield and slams it into Cap’s chest. Possibly caving in his ribs.

Iron Man tries to draw Sal off of the others by shooting repulsors at it but Sal zooms over really quick and punches him in the chest before he can react.

At this point Hank begins to have the faintest inklings that maybe he’s done a bad, specifically in creating a killer robot and programming it to attempt murder on his friends.

Yellowjacket: “I -- I hadn’t realized just how deadly, how savage Sal would be in full attack mode! I’ve got to zap his weak point before he hurts someone bad!”

And he probably forgot that he programmed Sal to kill him too because when Yellowjacket goes for the weak point, Sal swivels around and hits Yellowjacket, sending him WHOK!ing into the wall.

Oh. Hey. Sal’s turn and smack pose is vaguely similar to the thing between Hank and Jan.

Wonder if that’s intentional.

Hank is knocked so for a loop (by a robot that, I’ll remind you, he programmed to beat him up) that he almost passes out and has to struggle to his feet.

But he has to stay conscious because he’s the only one that can stop the threat he himself created!

And since Sal is kicking the shit out of Thor, the threat that Hank himself created really is a big one!

Yellowjacket: “C’mon, Hank! Suck it up! Make the room stop whirling! Focus... focus on the weak spot! Aim... disruptors on full force!”

But Hank takes too long and Sal finishes beating up Thor and grabs Hank in his claws. And hey more mirroring maybe! Like Jan before, Hank is in Sal’s claws and is being crushed.

And to fit the mirroring, Jan comes to Hank’s rescue. But out of actual, factual real concern for Hank’s pain unlike Hank earlier not reacting to Jan’s pain.

Again, I wonder if it was intentional. And I think in this case it must be?

Its because Hank put her through this nonsense earlier that Jan knows where the weak spot is and can blast it to save the day, the Avengers, and Hank.

Sal plops over with a KLANG!

And Hank...

Is not grateful.

Yellowjacket: “Why? Why did it have to be Jan? If -- if I couldn’t do it... why her? Why? Why?”

After everything, after every way in which his own plans spectacularly crashed and burned, he’s still most concerned that Wasp outshone him?

Lets let Thor put it best.

Thor: “Thy plan... was foolish, Yellowjacket! A base and transparent ruse!”

But Yellowjacket doesn’t hear Thor or anything really.

Yellowjacket: “guess i’ll go now... guess... i’ll go.”

And he lurches out the door in a bit of a daze.

Iron Man: “Jan I -- I -- what should we do? What can we do?”

Wasp: “For me? Nothing! I’m okay... now! You know, I feel like crying... but I just don’t have any tears left!”

And that’s that.

I’ve said a lot of what I’ve had to say as we went along.

There’s more to come in this particular arc. Hank isn’t done yet!

What an ominous statement.

Follow @essential-avengers because I’m doing a good job, maybe. Please also like and reblog.

#Avengers #Yellowjacket #hank pym #the wasp #Sal the robot who offers hugs #Captain America #Thor #Iron Man #Tigra #essential avengers #essential marvel liveblogging #who would have thought a court martial would go so bad #you had THREE WHOLE DAYS to prepare your defense #geez tho geez #cw domestic abuse

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radley-writes · 4 years

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Hi! I applied to be one of your beta readers, and I've got a question regarding O'Malley. I seem to recall that in older posts you referred to O'Malley as "him" but more recently as "her". did the character evolve from a man to a non-binary character who uses she/her pronouns as you wrote, or has the character always been non-binary and just doesn't have a preference between she/her and he/him pronouns so you use both? Thanks! :)

Howdy hi! Thanks for the question.

I’m a non-binary person myself, so O’Malley means a great deal to me. They started off as a cis male character, but I got halfway through my rewrite draft and realized they were actually a non-binary woman. She mostly uses she/her pronouns, but her non-binariness is as explicit as it can be, for a novel set in a time before our modern concept of ‘gender identity’ was a fully realized thing!

I’m a magnificently chaotic discovery writer. As a result, my characters evolve until approximately the third draft - which can make it really hard for folks online to keep up! And sometimes, awkward things change like sexuality/gender identity/race. I understand if these shifts upset people. I wish I was a writer who had a clear, concrete image in my head before I started drafting. But tragically, that’s not me. :’(

For an example of just how much of a discovery writer I am, after chewing over the details of O’Malley’s parentage for... several months, I found out in the last draft that it made sense for her dad to be the previous captain of her ship - a character I’ve had floating around since Draft 1. So, um. She’s now half-Irish, half-Chinese? I’ve made loads of edits to support this, as I do for every single major character change (friends can vouch that I am a.... horrifically prolific editor) but it means the art I drew of her only a couple of weeks ago is now out of date??? Brain why are you like this?

The other major change I’ve made to the novel since the last time I made a post regards Riseford. I realized I shouldn’t write from the perspective of a Black character who deals with daily racism. I don’t think that’s my story to tell. Though he is white now, I still have several awesome Black characters who are central to the plot. I’m just... not doing that uncomfortable thing where I, as a white author, try to write from a Black perspective in a time when slavery was a major international enterprise.

Hope that answers all questions! If any of this puts you or anyone else off beta-ing, I totally understand. I can almost guarantee that the characters aren’t going to change anymore from this point forward!

#katarafirelady #the pains of being a discovery writer skdlfghsdfkhgsdfg #writing process #editing process

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prettyboysdontlookatexplosions · 4 years

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what’s up i have had like a migraine-hangover that has tanked my ability to concentrate on anything at all today except Takes. penny/kady was a relationship that made intuitive sense because of shared mutual interests (being insanely hot, petty crimes, hating nerds). between that, penny flirting while tied up with prof whose name i can never remember because i am always too excited that cutthroat bitch from house is on my TV speaking of shows that managed to have some pretty awesome female characters for how much they hated women, and penny choosing not just to hook up with alice but specifically to hook up with alice when she was even more deranged than the usual alice baseline, and his post-death admission that he always kinda thought he might bang margo, we can surmise that penny’s type is the woman in the room who seems most capable of murdering someone with her bare hands, which is why he is an ally, and also means that while the revelation that penny23 was in love with julia23 is of course a Whoa moment, it did not feel hard to believe, because julia lives her life by finding the most Extra reaction to the situation and then pursuing it 110%.

BUT THEN they never did any work to set up julia being interested in 23. their s4 hookup was kind of whatever in the sense that this show does love to just shove very sexy people at each other but (NOT UNLIKE MARGO/JOSH AS IT BEGAN) it made a certain amount contextual sense given the.... INSANE stress that julia was under between her confusion about her magic/indestructability/etc. status and her position by virtue of her loyalty to quentin as like the monster’s number two trauma action figure. you could imagine pretty easily that under this ongoing traumatic circumstance it would be pretty tempting to get with a dude who looked at you like you walked on water even if your logic-brain understood somewhere that he wasn’t really looking at you because of how you had never had a real conversation. it is idiotic that they got together because HYMAN of all people shipped it and also i actually don’t know that i agree with what hyman says about their alleged similarity, that they both put other people before themselves so often that they never let themselves be happy. that fits with penny and is basically exactly what hades says to penny to get him to let go of the earthbound life he spent all of doing that. and it was certainly true of kady, stemming from her relationship with her mom and seen in the single-minded desperation she brings to helping first julia and then penny.

but julia? tanked her relationship and her entire life because she wanted magic so bad julia? nearly killed her best friend when she was mad at him julia? thrilled to find a non-evil crew to do magic with because she just fucking loves magic julia? betrayed her recently reconciled best friend and all his friends because she was determined to have revenge julia? knowledge seeker julia? spilled the secret of her mysterious magic to josh for fun julia? i don’t.... like i don’t actually think she has that problem. i think she DOES derive a lot of personal satisfaction from helping people, which is part of what’s so lovely about her goddess scenes in season 3 (her little smile when she cures quentin’s headache ;-; ), but she’s not out here signing billion year contracts to the order. i am pretty hard pressed to think of one (1) thing that julia does seasons 1-4 for a reason other than Because She Wanted To. even in s4 when she’s so committed to the monster situation because of quentin, she’s also taking time when she can to try to figure out her own deal, or nope-ing out of a particular endeavor because it involves the guy who sexually assaulted her in a bathroom to prove a point. even giving up her goddesshood - that is a sacrifice, but it’s one she makes extremely clear-eyed, and one she explicitly says she would not take back.

julia does not have the problem that she ignores her own happiness and desires, and the more i think about this the more it grosses me out because like, with penny whose personal harm from this tendency of his is manifestly clear re: the library contract (altho the show seems to have decided that was for the best anyway LOL), but with julia... what has she ever done to or denied herself? every possible answer to this question is gross! like, is the assumption that we are supposed to believe this is true of her simply because up to that point she was the only main who had never been in a romantic relationship except for the one with james which again she tanked not to save the world but because she wanted magic more than she wanted to make good choices? (also ultimately it wasn’t even her fault bc she was gonna tell him but then pete wiped him!) like if a woman is out here living her extremely busy life and never boning anyone she must secretly be denying herself happiness? despite the fact that for example even accounting for the fact that she gets magic back privately she seems to have emotionally adjusted to life without magic WAY better than quentin, alice, or josh? or are we to infer her tendency for self sacrifice from the contours of her friendship with quentin, which, ://////////////

anyway so then like they could have (1) not done the most heinous thing in the world in 4x13 and/or (2) spent 13 episodes illustrating for us literally one (1) thing julia & penny23 actually had in common or giving us a single moment where we could understand why julia wicker the character we know would be drawn to this particular person but instead they just had them fight about 23′s insistence basically that hyman was right and julia’s insistence that actually fucking knows herself and then break up and then get back together because julia was pregnant and LOL J/K despite her series-long bone-deep passion for magic (i understand why fandom fixates on quentin in this regard but there is one (1) other character who has the pure full-throated hunger and wonder and love for magic that quentin does AND IT IS JULIA WHICH IS WHY THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS) and her sense of calling to do things that mattered which actually well preceded quentin’s death thank you very much (remember when she was like “i actually have to hit pause on the quest to bring back magic because of how i need to end fairy slavery?”) she apparently did just want motherhood & monogamy all along. COOL.

#the magicians #the magicians critical #when my bf watched the s4 finale he got to the part where julia was like #'can you just stand there and let me be mad at you'#and closed the window and was like 'so am i looking this up on wikipedia or are you telling me what happened after that bc i am NOT doing it

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sionnables · 4 years

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So…

Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, you guys.

Let me explain something first: the Broadway musical First Date is my SHOW. I mean, it’s NOT-- I had no part in the creation or performance of it, obviously. But it’s “mine” in the way that people tend to take possession of things they like, you know?

“That’s my song!”

“That’s my precious fictional baby!”

Or, I guess, like that weird thing sports fans do when they insert themselves into their favorite team, like, “we need to box out the endzone and get some points on the board” or whatever.

First Date is mine not only because I loved it, but because it felt like the creators reached into my heart, plucked out all my experiences and emotions, and put them up on stage. I mean, it went to TATTOO LEVELS, so you know it’s both serious and a little ridiculous.

Six years later, I still fucking love that show.

(The intensity has gone down a bit, but that’s probably the best for everyone.)

So when I happened to find out that the book writer of First Date was the creator/writer of Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist AND it was a musical, I obviously wanted to check it out. It was delayed slightly by a deep-dive into a Schitt’s Creek hyper-fixation (David and Patrick can have my entire heart and, like, overall existence), but I finally started watching a few days ago.

And it is delightfully First-Date-y.

It’s also a really good “I can’t handle anything too sad or heavy right now due to reality” option. There’s some romantic angst and family tragedy thrown in, but it’s not like This Is Us: The Musical or anything (thank christ-- seriously, how does anyone watch that show? It’s Ugly Cry Central over there).

I’m not going to do the plot summary thing because Google exists. But here’s the thing: yes, there are multiple tropes here that have been done to death (*cough*lovetriangle*cough*), but you know what? The show is cute, the cast is really talented, and the writing’s pretty effing funny. I don’t need groundbreaking television to be entertained. And I’m a sucker for “nice comedy” nowadays, you know? Like, I could never get into Glee because the characters were HORRIBLE to each other. I can’t do a show full of selfish, mean people, it just doesn’t work for me. Give me a well-written ensemble comedy where everyone messes up but they’re ultimately trying their best and growing, and I’m pretty much in.

That all being said, here’s what I need to discuss (spoilers ahead, obviously):

1) Zoey’s definitely got that whole Zooey-Deschanel-adorkable thing going on, but you have to appreciate a show that is like, “STEM Women FTW!” because we need that. Also, maybe it’s Fellow Millennial Empathy, but I appreciate that she has no idea what she’s doing and is still trying so hard to be a functioning and successful adult, WHILE dealing with family tragedy, AND sudden musical powers, AND being a woman in charge of a department full of men (girl, been there done that), AND confusing mushy feelings. It helps that Jane Levy is so talented that I was convinced she was British (she is not).

2) Mo. Is. Everything. More representation of gender-fluidity is wonderful to see, for one thing. But he’s also the smartest character on the show, as well as the most well-balanced and emotionally mature. And his VOICE, okay? I love that it seems like Mo is going to sort of be Zoey’s guide through all of this, and I’m looking forward to seeing their friendship grow.

3) Simon is a gorgeous, gorgeous man. If he was at ALL single, I’d be like, “Zoey, hit that IMMEDIATELY”. But I don’t love the direction that their relationship is going (HE IS ENGAGED, FFS) OR the whole Jessica vs. Zoey thing they’re pulling. I’m willing to give the first part a pass because both of them are grieving and emotional instability can definitely equal bad decisions (we may not like it, but you can’t say it’s unrealistic). But that second part? Simon is way more to blame than Zoey. No more girls hating on girls, okay? Like, I don’t want Jessica and Zoey to necessarily become besties (that whole “it’s always about your dad” comment was way too awful for me to like her THAT much), but you know what I mean. The longer this goes on, the less I like Simon. And it’s such a BUMMER, because I feel like Zoey and Simon could really use each other, platonically.

4) Speaking of not liking people, Zoey’s brother is a dick. Not ONLY because of the shit he pulled with going out to bars instead of being with his PREGNANT WIFE/STRUGGLING MOTHER, but that whole thing about him having to “convince” his wife to have kids when she didn’t want them? YUCK. He’s the one character I do not like at ALL and I hope that Emily leaves him and ends up an awesome single mom with a hot boyfriend. I’m glad Zoey told her what was up. GOOD. WHAT A JERK.

5) Zoey’s mom is amazing and deserves the world. That is all.

6) Full disclosure: I am 100% Team Max. But within that 100%, I’m 50% Zoey Is Clearly Not Ready To Date Him Or Even Process Her Feelings About Him Right Now So He Needs To Just Be Her Friend and 50% Zoey Is Clearly Terrified Of Feelings And Max Might Need To Push Her a Little To Get Her To Get Past That. This is coming from a place of experience, because I was once terrified of feelings and commitment and basically my husband is only my husband because he chose to ignore the many, many times I tried to break up with him and was very persistent with me. Please note that this DOES NOT MEAN that Max needs to be all pissy about “friendzoning” and/or pushing TOO hard, TOO quickly. Which he’s sort of toe-ing the line with, at the moment. I don’t think that Zoey ever really gave him the impression that she was interested in him romantically before the whole “flash mob” debacle (I cringed when Mo said that touching his shoulder and having him come over to watch a movie was leading him on, because please don’t do that, writers, Mo is too smart and progressive for that BS), and the flash mob itself was a really weird, out-of-character move (at least thus far) for him. Look, I get the whole “omg, Max can hear her/no wait, there’s real singing” thing was an unexpected twist, but I’m not a fan of twists over characterization. Max knows Zoey, and I think he’d know that declaring feelings in public while making her the center of attention would not be her thing (but I find public proposals super cringe-y, so maybe that’s just me). I’m sort of not happy with that. What I DO think is appropriate is him asking for some time/space after she asks to just be his friend-- I count that as being respectful of her decision and needing some breathing room to disconnect his romantic feelings towards her. I also don’t blame him for being upset that she knew his feelings way beforehand and didn’t say anything, or for being upset after seeing her sing to Simon. The singing thing is not Zoey’s fault at ALL, but that is some serious emotional whiplash! Nevertheless, I hope these two are endgame and don’t hurt each other too much in the process. That boy will do ANYTHING for her, and I kind of love him for it. Please don’t turn him into a “Nice Guy”! Also, can we all agree that he outsang EVERY SINGLE ONE of the Jonas Brothers with “Sucker”? Goddamn!

7) Tobin is so stupid, but WOW is that character a brilliant representation of every single, straight, young, insecure, emotion-denying, Reddit-using, product of toxic masculinity gamer boy that you’ve ever met in your life. Holy SHIT. They’re nailing it with him. He is 100% the guy that yells a “make me a sandwich” joke in front of his friends and then goes home and cries about not having a girlfriend. I have met 10,000 versions of Tobin in my life and he CRACKS ME UP. Bless him.

8) Leif is Draco Malfoy and I hope that Joan is using him for sex and then ditches him in a humiliating fashion. IF THEY MAKE HER FALL FOR HIM I SWEAR TO GOD. She’s too smart for that. I want Joan and Mo to take over the world together.

9) I don’t want to talk about Zoey’s dad. HE’S FINE. EVERYTHING’S FINE. HE’S TOTALLY GOING TO GET BETTER. THIS IS A HAPPY SHOW.

Okay, I think I got all of my thoughts and feelings out. Until next week, at least.

#zoeys extraordinary playlist #zoeysplaylist #ZEP #this is too long #i apologize #but i mean #we're all stuck at home so at least it wastes some time #mention of a broadway show that i will not tag because reasons

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sourcherrymagiks · 4 years

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Name ten favorite characters from ten different things (books, tv, film, etc.), then tag ten people.

I have no idea how many people tagged me in this, probably hundred but it took me flippin ages because I already did one for literary characters only so I had to find not book people to fill this list. I think @ninemagicks probably tagged me

1. Jake Pentecost - Pacific Rim Uprising

Fucking wonderful. Pretending to be a chaotic loser to avoid failure but coming through in the end. So much love he’s drift comparable with everyone. Queer as fuck. Mouthy brat.

"Your top lip and your bottom lip need to meet up and become friends.”

2. Molly Grue - The Last Unicorn

Because she isn’t beautiful and she isn’t the chosen one but she is the only one with sense and backbone enough to get everyone else where the need to be. She is the project manager of the quest if you will.

"And what good is it to me that you're here now? Where where you twenty years ago, ten years ago? How dare you, how dare you come to me now, when I am /this?/"

"It would be the last unicorn in the world to come to Molly Grue."

3. Faith - Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

I mean obviously she cool as fuck and just awesome. I get a little bored of the heroic handwringing in Buffy and Faith is a nice counterpoint.

/Don't you need anyone dead? Or maimed? I can settle for maimed"/

4. Daisy Steiner - Spaced

Because Jessica Stevenson is a comic genius and brings vulnerability, nerdy ness, dumbassery and life to the whole show.

“Tim, I'm not going to buy you porn. You can get it from railway sidings like everybody else.”

5. Ripley - Alien, Aliens, Alien 3 etc

Smart woman who doesn’t give a shit if anyone likes her. Is right. Is unfailing lovely to cats and children. Is. The. Badass.

"God damn it, that's not all! Because if one of those things gets down here then that will be all! Then all this - this bullshit that you think is so important, you can just kiss all that goodbye!"

6. Louise Belcher - Bob’s Burgers.

OMFG I love her so very much. I mean obviously I recognise that she is unhinged and terrifying but I still love her.

"Gross. His face is so gorgeous. I just wanna slap it. I wanna slap it. I just wanna slap his beautiful, hideous face."

7. Valentine Dussaut //Véronique - Three Colours Red/ The Double Life of Véronique

This is a crazy choice and reveals a lot about my addiction to French/ Polish cinema. And it’s mostly just aesthetic so you can judge away 😁

8. Amelie - Amelie

sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet sweet.

9. Dolores Abernathy - Westworld

She is everything. Just everything.

"Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality? Did you ever stop to wonder about your actions? The price you'd have to pay if there was a reckoning? That reckoning is here."

10. Dino - Cupcake and Dino

He is just so funny. Like all the time. Just hilarious. Also good and kind and stupid. He loves cats and sleepovers and his brother cupcake. I don’t know how to convince you to binge watch all of it and bask in the laughs but do it!

I think everyone has been tagged but @enjabra @fight-surrender @f-ing-ruthless-baz @anawkwardbibliophile @nightimedreamersworld @warriorbeeofthesea @krisrix @thehoneyedhufflepuff can have another tag, as a treat.

#lists #too much information

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karazor--el · 4 years

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TV Insider

Nicole Maines & 'Supergirl' Take on Violence Against the Trans Community

Supergirl flies into new and socially relevant territory tonight with an hour that explores the impact of violence against members of the trans community.

As the home of TV’s first-ever transgender superhero in Nicole Maines‘s Nia Nal, aka Dreamer, the show has already excelled at raising awareness of matters key to the LGBQT community, but this time, it’s literally a life-altering storyline. Per the Human Rights Campaign’s website, “2020 has already seen at least three transgender or gender non-conforming people fatally shot or killed by other violent means. We say at least because too often these stories go unreported—or misreported.”

A look at stars like Stephen Amell, Ruby Rose, and Melissa Benoist who’ve appeared on the big screen before, during, or after CW superhero gigs.

In the episode, entitled “Reality Bytes,” Nia’s roommate Yvette (Roxy Wood), who is also a trans woman, is brutally attacked by an ignorant stranger who can’t handle Dreamer being a transgender hero. Stunned at first, then shook into action, Nia refuses to stand silent, leading to some serious and important conversations with Kara (Melissa Benoist) and the superfriends about exactly what Nia—and Maines, herself—face on a regular basis.

Here, the always enlightening actress and advocate opens up about the need for TV like this and what can be done to hopefully save lives in the future.

How are you doing? Because you have all done really well by this character.

Nicole Maines: Yes. I’m so happy with how Dreamer has really become her own superhero. I was just looking at her yesterday and she really has kind of become her own unique hero. Dream Girl [the comic-book version] is one hero, but I feel like Dreamer just has such a really different feel from Dream Girl. She’s become, in the past two seasons, her own entity and her own person, and that makes me really happy.

This character showed up with a lot on her shoulders, as far as what she stood for socially and for the trans community. But the writers have given her an entirely fleshed-out life, with romance and personal relationships, all that stuff. It’s really cool that it wasn’t just kind of putting down a flag and making a statement, it was actually creating a character and giving her a life.

Yeah, totally. She is a three-dimensional, fully fleshed-out character, and I have just come to love her so much.

The couple shared the news in fun posts on Instagram.

Now, this episode looks at violence against the trans community, which is a real thing — it’s insane how underreported this is.

Absolutely, and that’s something that we touch on this episode: exactly how common this is and how no one really understands that. And of course Supergirl, as just a beacon of hope, is coming to Nia and saying, “Listen, you know, we do this every week, we’re going to get this guy,” and Nia’s like “No, we don’t do this every week. I do and the community, they do this every day. You do this never.”

So it’s showing Dreamer as a member of the trans community and as a guardian of the trans community that is going through this and understanding exactly what she’s going through. And it shows Yvette knowing what she’s gone through and understanding her situation as a trans woman.

And how does Kara take this attack on Yvette? Because you know Kara always beats herself up for not being Supergirl enough.

Yeah, she’s panicked and worried for Yvette and for Nia. Her first instinct is “Are you okay? I came as soon as I heard!” and then it’s “We’re going to get this guy” and “You take care of Yvette, I’m Supergirl, I’ve got this.” But then Dreamer is saying “No, I’ve got this.” And she’s also working with William (Staz Nair) to make sure that this is reported accurately.

And the attack on Yvette isn’t by a meta, correct?

No, and that’s what’s so scary about it and so different about this. It isn’t some supervillain, this isn’t a metahuman, this isn’t an alien, it’s not someone with a tragic backstory, you know, “a love lost so I have to become a villain.” This is just someone whose narrative we’ve heard a bunch of times before.

L.A. is still the entertainment capital of the world, but a surprising number of TV shows film outside of California, too.

I just saw it the other day…people online were talking about this episode and they were like, “Oh, well Dreamer’s just, you know, tricking dudes into thinking he’s a girl, yadda yadda,” and I’m like, “that is exactly who this supervillain is.” And it just made me laugh so much because they were trying to s**t on this episode and on this storyline and I’m like, “all of the points you’re making are exactly who this villain is and what he says.” And that’s what’s so scary for Dreamer, that this is just a guy who could be anybody, some average—well not average because he’s deranged—but just some physically normal person who is capable of inflicting that much devastation.

I hope that there is a point where you address the fact that Yvette’s attacker represents so many ignorant humans out there whose minds can’t be changed.

Oh, yeah. And that’s really what we talked about [with the writers]. We talked about giving him a backstory, we talked about “Who is this guy?” I pitched making him one of the Agent of Liberty goons and then we decided that it doesn’t really matter who this guy is, it doesn’t matter where he came from, and it doesn’t matter what tragic backstory he has that made him want to attack people.

The point is he set out to attack someone because of who they are. And so it doesn’t really matter who you are, because your actions define who you are and your actions are defining you as a villain. And so Dreamer has this confrontation with him and it is so not what Supergirl normally does. Supergirl is kind of like, “You don’t have to do this, you can still be good.” But this is Dreamer. She is not on a mission to redeem this person.

Dreamer has her powers to help with this situation, but as an advocate for the community, what would you tell members of the trans community facing this? Because they don’t have superpowers.

You have to protect yourself. It is just a matter of caution because it’s scary, especially in the online dating world, which is kind of where this [story] takes place. You do see Yvette in the end trying to take some [precautionary] steps. If you’re going to meet a stranger, bring a friend, go to a public place. But you know it still happens, so it’s about trying to protect yourself, making sure you are surrounded by people you trust, dropping pins on your phone so people know where you are. It’s taking every possible step to try and protect yourself.

Even still, as we see in this episode, bad things do happen. So trans women, we have to protect ourselves because it is a scary world out there and there are so many people who don’t understand and there are so many states where you’re still able to plead “gay panic” in a court of law. It’s almost always thrown out immediately because it’s, pardon my French, a f***ing stupid excuse, but the fact that it is still legally permissible in court is absurd.

So it’s a matter of protecting yourself, but also telling stories like this and doing what we can to try to educate the community about these issues, about the dangers we face. Because one of the other things that I saw people talking about online [is that] they don’t believe the story we’re doing. They were like “This is ridiculous! Who’s attacking trans people because they’re trans?” I’m like “Are you kidding me!?” That’s why this is so important that we’re doing this episode, because people really don’t even comprehend that people are attacking, let alone killing, trans women brutally for who we are.

So you did get to work with the writers to make sure certain points were covered?

Oh yeah. We had a series of points that we made sure were covered and were addressed. Of course, you never know what’s going to wind up on the cutting room floor but we said, “these are the points that we need to make sure are said.”

We made a point to mention the increased risk that trans women of color are at and when we wrote the episode, we talked about how many trans women in 2019 had been the victims of hate-related violence and how many have we lost. And I think at the time of filming it was something like 23 or 24, so we tried to use that actual number and also point out that the real number is actually probably much, much higher because it does go underreported.

Guess Who’s Coming to Dreamer? Nicole Maines Brings ‘Supergirl’ Home for Nia’s Big Episode

Nia and Kara head to a small town where aliens and humans keep it chill.

And how was it for you after the episode wrapped? I imagine this is really close to the bone for you.

It felt good to do. It felt exciting to do this story because, while it is such heart-wrenching material, I was doing it with people who understood, who were excited to be telling this story and to shed some light on this. And of course, getting to do this with Roxy was amazing because just having her on set is always a blessing. And Pierson, despite the character he plays, he’s actually awesome.

And our director, Armen [Kevorkian] was just so… bless him, he and the writers were so open to talking to me. Armen was just so good about talking to me about any little thing and checking with me, making sure I felt like we’re doing things right. And he had the patience of a saint because I had no business, just peering over his shoulder the whole time, especially when they were doing the scene where Yvette gets attacked. I was there right next to the director, I had my headphones on and was like, “What’s going on? How are we doing?” I was so overprotective of this episode. [Laughs]

That’s hilarious. Next thing is you’re going to be directing an episode next season.

Oh god, I don’t think I’m ready for that. I think I’m better at micromanaging people against their will. [Laughs] I say that, but there wasn’t anything to micromanage because Armen totally understood what we were doing, he understood the importance of this episode and he’s just a fabulous director otherwise. So, doing this with him was just phenomenal and he did such an amazing job. We’re all so excited for people to see this episode.

Supergirl, Sundays, 9/8c, The CW

TV Insider.

#supergirl

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stopgenderingchildren · 4 years

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I’m 16 and have known I didn’t fit the idea of “gender” very well for around a decade, but grew up in a left leaning college educated Mexican/ white household that didn’t really force gender roles on me, so I didn’t question it much until around four years ago.

I grew up a tomboy- at 13 I came out as ftm trans. Soon after, my best friend (who I’ll adore forever) came out as ftm trans as well, but didn’t approach it as I had- reading articles, listening to podcasts, scrolling through educational videos- he latched on instead to people like Kalvin Garrah and similar influencers who propose that “transtrenders” exist and steal “real” trans people’s supplies and that you need dysphoria to be trans, etc.

This was the first time I really became aware that there was something deeply flawed in my understanding of gender. I have dysphoria, but the more I thought about it the more I realized I don’t hate my body; I hate how people see my breasts and assign me “female.” I don’t hate dresses and how they look, I hate that it means automatically no one asks for my pronouns.

Tonight I was working on an oratory for debate that started with a central idea I wanted to expand: “We Don’t Need to Fit Your Stereotypes.” I felt that if male could look like dresses and cars and makeup and video games and childcare, if female could look like gardening and beards and owning a business and loving pink, then maybe there wouldn’t need to be transitioning. If we made breasts=anyone and penises=anyone then maybe I would wear a dress everyday and my friend would be able to shower with the lights on.

Basically, I was trying to say ask everyone, everyone, their pronouns, and allow people’s looks and hobbies to be defined by their interests rather than the roles forced on them at birth as a result of their genitals. This contradicted with my central idea, so new title: “We Don’t Need to Fit Stereotypes.” I’m no longer writing about trans versus cis norms, I’m trying to write about all people versus the (at best, limiting) rules of gender forced upon them.

After exploring that (and after realizing what I think I’ve always knows is true: I’m not a boy, but just someone severely disconnected from whatever a boy or girl is supposed to be and generally masculine by societal standards, making he/him the easiest explanation) I had to take a break, and somehow @stopgenderingchildren was the first post recommended for me. After scrolling through for awhile, I felt like I’d found a whole rabbit hole of some new level of gender I’ve only briefly considered before, of thoughts I’ve always struggled to put into words.

After this night, I still have questions though, and unfortunately the ask box just doesn’t have nearly enough characters. The main things I’m still struggling to understand is: what is womanhood? What is manhood? If no one were gendered and lived life by personalities, why would there ever be a need for those two at all, or masculinity or femininity? What stops life from just... going on if people dressed and acted and were interested in what they want to be? What is the point of this thing that causes people so much pain? Even in things like athletics, split up to “help,” there are still people with different amounts of hormones, different heights, people are just different. And it’s all so incredibly westernized. I’ve read Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine, and there was a striking story about a trans woman who found the more society expected her to not be able to do things like open a jar, the more she found herself unable to do those things.

I don’t know, this is a bit all over the place, but I really just need some direction. I’m trying really hard to understand this on my own, but after scrolling through your blog I’d really like to hear your thoughts. Thanks you so much ahead of time 🌹 ~~~~

Hi awesome person!! Unfortunately this blog is a tad bit dead, but I am still a real person who can write things, and I’m still passionate about gender and child development, so here I am, responding to you. Also I want to apologize because tumblr is broken and I have no idea how long ago this message was sent to me. For all I know, you could be old enough to drink by now. Oops. Thank you for sharing your journey with gender so far. You sound very thoughtful and systematic about these things, and I love it. First I want to say that I'm sorry your friend has such limited thoughts about the ways it's okay to be trans. That kind of exclusionist thinking doesn't actually help more supplies come around, or help binary trans people get acceptance. It just makes it harder for people to work together to change things. That said, I've known some young trans people who held these positions initially because it was part of the way they were proving their gender to themselves and the world. Once they got more secure in their understanding of themselves, they had more room for accepting other types of trans people. I hope that happens for your friend. I felt like I’d found a whole rabbit hole of some new level of gender I’ve only briefly considered before... Wow, awesome. I love that this blog did that for you. I wish I had more time to make it a consistently amazing place! what is womanhood? What is manhood? Each person gets to decide this for themselves. If you ask me, that’s what makes gender exciting!! Everyone is different. We need lots of different people in the world, lots of different genders, lots of different gender expressions, for the world to continue being as amazing as it is. The idea that there are only two types of gender expression, “manhood” and “womanhood,” is and always has been flawed. Humans have always been more diverse than that. We are just, now, in this supercool time when people are spending energy and vocabulary thinking about it in a more active way. If no one were gendered and lived life by personalities, why would there ever be a need for those two at all, or masculinity or femininity? It sure is an interesting concept, to think of life without gender. I don’t personally believe, however, that gender doesn’t exist. I just don’t believe we should be giving children recipes for gender and then expecting them to follow the recipes in order to be “proper” people. That is gendering which is something we do to other people. Gendering others is meddling at best and traumatic at worst, whether those others are children, teens like you, or adults. So, if the world lived according to my values, we would still have gender, but gender would be something that comes from within, not from without. Maybe we would still have two genders that are most common, maybe not. In a patriarchal society, gender definitions can serve an important and protective function, especially for women, trans, and genderqueer folks. As an example, I teach classes for parents about child development. As I am passionate about parents sharing the joys and challenges regardless of their gender, I welcome all parents to my classes. I stand by this decision, but I recently had a chance to observe a similar class that only allowed mothers (women) to attend. I noticed that the women felt more comfortable being vulnerable in this setting, and in particular they felt able to discuss things like how their bodies were changing and healing after giving birth. By excluding certain people based on gender, this instructor created a safe space that was different from my own classes, and probably better for at least some of those women. I imagine a similar effect would be seen in a class that only allowed fathers (men) or trans or genderqueer parents. What stops life from just... going on if people dressed and acted and were interested in what they want to be? What is the point of this thing that causes people so much pain? Even in things like athletics, split up to “help,” there are still people with different amounts of hormones, different heights, people are just different. And it’s all so incredibly westernized. I hear your frustration so much! Why can't we just let people be themselves! And, yes it's super westernized, and that is ridiculous too. But I think all we can do is speak up for ourselves and others when we feel able, and model behavior towards others that isn't gendering, for example using they/them pronouns for people who's gender we don't know, and not making a big deal of a boy wearing a dress. Or, of course, you could do more by choosing a profession where you are teaching children or adults about gender diversity, or working to pass laws that support name changes and freedom to transition. There are lots of ways we could make the world better! I’ve read Delusions of Gender by Cordelia Fine, and there was a striking story about a trans woman who found the more society expected her to not be able to do things like open a jar, the more she found herself unable to do those things. This book sounds awesome. I will check it out! And, yes, people are gendered in a very subconscious way because it starts at birth, before language and verbal (story) memory. There is lots of research showing that we treat babies different based on their assigned gender from the very first day they are born. Creepy... I don’t know, this is a bit all over the place, but I really just need some direction. I’m trying really hard to understand this on my own, but after scrolling through your blog I’d really like to hear your thoughts. Lastly, I just want to say that it sounds like you are on a great path to figuring things out for yourself. Just keep trying things on to see what fits, both metaphorically and literally, if you like :)

It's also okay to not know what labels are best for you, or for you to change your mind, or to sometimes give up on caring. Actually, there are labels for those states too! But not every trans person has dysphoria, or discovers a strong allegiance to a binary (or nonbinary) gender. As I say to the kids I work with, there are just so many ways for people to be, and that is the way it should be.

#gender freedom #raising kids today #gendering of trans* folk #gendering of POC #western gender norms #transgender #any input is appreciated #submission

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thisdiscontentedwinter · 5 years

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Oh, disco. Your answer about Issac really fucks me up. So when I watched TW a couple years ago and I got so f-ing triggered by the storyline of Issac I had to skip those scenes. Ok, so I typed like a long ranting but decided it looked like a backstory for villains. I'm not planning to try to take over the whole planet so I deleted it. Anyway I got mixed feelings about the character of Isaac. As in I both liked and hated him at the same time? I don't know if it makes any sense. [1/4]

It was probably that his suffering got, that his abuser was a 24-karat asshole and he finally got rid of him without looking back. So I got a very loving mother who sacrificed a lot for me and never hit me. Well, maybe once or twice. I should really be grateful but I still got traumas from all the constant one-sided rage and screaming and throwing things around. The worst part is that she's a nice person and good parent. She raised me before and after the divorce. [2/?]

Sometimes I hope she's a terrible one and actually hit me, you know? Then my traumas would be valid. And it would be reasonable for me to hate her. Now that I'm a young adult myself, the best solution we have is to never talk about it. I tried a few times and she was all like, " I know I got anger issues but it could not be that bad lol". To this day I still wonder if I'm being dramatic about this whole thing. Oh, and I used to have a boyfriend and a girlfriend, (3/?)

well, not at the same time, no. It never worked. 'Cause they could never be the dominant/controlling partner that I was subconsciously looking for. It seems that I deleted one ranting then created another one. Now I feel like I'm dumping my garbage on your doorstep. Please don't let my villain-y backstory ruin your mood. I'm a grown up woman and coping quite well with my own bullshits! OMG it's raining outside.(4/?)

I love rainy days. Especially with our temperature nearing 40 degrees as well. The rain will cool it down a bit even just for a day. Have a good day, disco. Good luck with your professional writings. ooxx (END/?) I can't believe I wrote a small essay omg sooooo sorry.

***

DW: I think that anyone with a complicated relationship with a parent can see things in the Isaac/Mr Lahey relationship that reflect that. Because Isaac was Cleary terrified of his father, and hated him, but at the same time he also desperately craved his approval, and he probably loved him too. I actually really liked Isaac’s character because it showed a lot of the reality of a kid in that situation. You know, werewolves aside. It showed that kids like that, once they’re out of that situation, sometimes absolutely relish the chance to punch down, because they’ve never had that before in their lives.

The reality is, that sometimes parents will fuck us up. Sometimes they don’t mean to, and sometimes they’re not as bad as other people’s parents--or their own parents--but it still fucks us up. After my father died, my aunt opened up a lot about the shit they went through as kids, and you know, I’d always understood that my grandfather was an abusive asshole, but I’d never really heard the specifics, and it was brutal. But also, that doesn’t mean that my own father always got it right, you know? Being not as bad as his father still doesn’t mean he didn’t have his own issues, and that those own issues didn’t affect me and my sister.

My dad was a huge improvement on his dad--but he was definitely an alcoholic and he definitely had serious anger issues. He was rarely physically abusive, but rarely isn’t never, you know? And I think there’s a real sense of uncertainty when you live with a parent like that and you’re never sure if today is going to be a good day or a bad day, and that certainly impacts you when you’re growing up, and beyond.

But also, I loved my dad. When he was awesome, he was awesome. But sometimes he wasn’t awesome, and sometimes we all walked around and pretended the next day that nothing had happened. It is what it is.

So no, you don’t need your mother to have hit you so that your trauma is valid. Trauma is trauma, and emotional abuse is as valid as physical. It just fucks you up in a slightly different, and often invisible, way. And all abuse effects your adult relationships. It just then becomes a matter of sorting through it, and figuring out “is it now-me doing this, or am I letting then-me make this choice at the expense of now-me?” And sometimes you can figure it out yourself, and sometimes you need a therapist to help you get perspective. And there’s no shame in needing that outside perspective either, because sometimes we get trapped in our own thought-cycles inside our heads and can’t change them.

So from one grown woman coping with her bullshit to another, I hope that you enjoy your rainy day and the respite fro the heat it gives you!

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fybillielourd · 5 years

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1. The first thing you might notice about the film is that Billie plays a supporting role. Gigi (no last name, because she does not need one, just like Cher or Madonna). Gigi is an aura-reading wizard of a character that shows up when you least expect her to. She is just over-the-top really rich and is deeply kind in her soul. 2.Billie laughed so hard at the script, she wanted to join immediately. When asked, she replied, “I wept tears of joy. It was hysterical. I am a little bit of a hardened, jaded human. But when I read this script I was rolling on the floor because it was so damn funny.” She even invented her own word for how hilarious and real it is: “Hilareal.” The perfect blend, like a smooth coffee. 3. Billie described her experience working with Olivia Wilde as a dream come true. She went on to use adjectives such as smart, humble, organized, beautiful, and kind. If she could, she’d want Wilde to be her mother, she admires her so much. 4. Billie proves that even in her off days, she can still land the role she wants. She was quoted saying to the production, “I was having a weird morning. I don’t know what’s happening. Somehow, I became Gigi.” They called her later and offered her the part. 5.Billie wanted to share her excitement at getting the role right away. When she woke up her “lightly hungover boyfriend” to share the good news, his reply was, “Oh my gosh, I am trying to sleep. But that’s amazing.” 6. Billie is her own harshest critic. She expresses doubt in herself even when others praise her performance. After her audition, she said she called her dad and told him, “I f—ed that up. Even shed a couple tears after.” 7. The biggest surprise for her was finding out how awesome everyone on the production was to work with. “It was like going on a dating app and selecting all your friends.” 8. Billie said the following about the cast: “We are all deeply obsessed with each other. We go to dinner together and hang out.” 9. Beanie Feldstein and Billie Lourd actually went to high school together. Their social cliques, however, never crossed paths. What would that high school experience have been like if they had? 10. Billie’s character Gigi tries to befriend the characters of both Beanie and Kaitlyn by drugging them with acid. Despite being a happy character on the exterior, Gigi is deeply sad and tries to make friends the only way she knows how. 11. When asked about how it felt to be back in high school: Billie replied, “I’m so f—ing old!” (She states this at the advanced age of 25.) 12. Billie’s high school experience was “not a fluffy environment.” She explained, “Great teachers, but socially a little bit rough. As all high schools are.” 13. One thing Billie hopes is: “I hope they take away from this film is that the audience laughs so hard they cannot breathe.” 14. Booksmart puts a magic cloak over the film Super Bad. The movie transforms it into a lady’s version, which just means it’s more fun. 15. Love is a component of the film. Gigi is in love with life and wants to experience every aspect of it. 16. With Olivia’s blessing, Billie deviated a little from the script. She did this in order to allow her character to grow and develop more. 17. When asked how this film differs from American Horror Story, Billie said: “It’s exactly like AHS—no, I’m just kidding. In AHS, we are working 16 hours day. It is a machine. There is no time for chitchat. Acting in this film is like a vacation. I have to go back to work next week.” 18. The film’s cast and crew were predominately women. Billie related how this made her feel so comfortable. “I think that is why the set was so magical and so positive. Olivia created this amazing environment where we were all just comfortable with each other and really supportive. I think it was because a woman was at the helm.” 19. “Olivia has taught me so much. She teaches by example,” Billie said. “I watch her every day, and I want to do that.” 20. Billie has aspirations of being a director one day. In response to that question, she said, “Oh, yeah! Sorry that was aggressive, but yes, I definitely want to direct. But I do not have any plans just yet. My life is a mystery so we will see.” 21. “I have enjoyed my experience [on Booksmart],” she said. “There is not one day that I have not enjoyed.” 22. When asked about Gigi’s fashion, Billie replied, “[Gigi’s style] is everything. It is like Courtney Love, mixed with [Scream Queen’s] Chanel #3, mixed with Cher, mixed with everything magical. She is a gay icon, for sure. That is what I want her to be.” 23. Don’t miss the scene in the movie in which Gigi does a swan dive. It’s definitely worth seeing. 24. The final word about Billie is from her mother. “My mom used to say, ‘If life isn’t funny, then it’s just true.’” Billie continued by saying, “My mom would have lived for this character.”

#billie lourd #interview #booksmart

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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save your breath (Branjie) - PinkGrapefruit

A/N - Yo! I am back because all I ever do is write nowadays. I wrote this on a whim at 10 pm last night after a prompt someone sent in. Thanks to FreyKitten for beta-ing me and being an awesome human as per usual as i write weird lines about orchestras and carnations. It’s written to the song ‘save your breath’ by Adore Delano and is from Brookes POV. As always, all work is my own and although this is based on real people, both the characters and the story are my own interpretation and therefore fully fabricated. Enjoy! x

When you think about me

Do you remember when

You were all about me

Or am I just a myth?

Do you remember the way our hands intertwined? The fluttering of black on red that day by the tree. Do you remember that, baby? Because I do. I remember it like yesterday, my mind filled with clouds, and apple cider, and you. Because you feel like coming home and nothing will ever beat that feeling. You could give me a handjob and make it feel like a pas de deux. All graceful and elegant and shit. You could buy me a thousand purses and pumps and a goddamn planet but I would love nothing more than I love you. Because I love you like a cat loves catnip or some other analogy that I don’t have the heart to make up. You took my heart and crushed it under my own pointe shoes. You placed it prettily on the floor and watched me pirouette my way over it. If God is a woman, she is cruel and unwavering in her choices.

Do you remember that time by the beach? The one in Florida after I met the Mateos. That’s where I realised I love you. Not in some club in wherever the hell we were. Not even in Toronto when I watched you look, with so much joy, at the place I’m from. No, I realised it on a beach at 2 am when my mind was so addled by sleep that the tide was covering half my legs. When you pulled me up and made me dance with you under the stars of Tampa. Your head was heavy on my chest and your breath was warm. It smelled like Panda Express and cider and your hair of cologne and prop glitter. And then I took you to my hometown, God. We stood at the top of Church near Old Toronto and you wanted to see my old haunts so badly so I let you pull me into The Drink. Later you tugged me back out and demanded I showed you all of the touristy destinations so we hired bikes and cycled them all. We shared long, languid kisses in front of each and everyone and savoured each other like it would be our last hurrah.

Do you remember the way I took you in my arms that night? How I made you scream? How you told me you loved me in between sweaty sheets and heavy breaths. I remember the way that undeniable feeling of home swelled in me like a symphony. Like the violin solo reaching its crescendo and when we crashed back down like waves against the shore - the pitch, fuzzy in my ears. You are fortissimo, brash and loud but you can be kind when needed. Like pauses in the bar. I am mezzo-piano. I am moderately soft and though we both know I can get loud, I do not broadcast that. That is not the world’s secret to know. That is not yours to share.

I loved you hardest

Happy, just loving you

And to be honest

Sometimes I think I still do

It would take a lot for me to say that I do not love you. But the thing about love is that it is rarely enough. Love is never the sole emotion, it is always supported by others. You can have love and jealousy, love and rage, love and pure, unadulterated joy. But you never just have love. The same way that the organ supports the strings section, all other emotions support love because it is fickle. It is easy to break. It is easy to detune, destring, derail. Just like we were. And yet I love you. I love you like I am going to break if I stop. Like I will cease to exist. Loving you feels like I am constantly in the eye of the storm. The winds are swelling around me like the strings and you are the conductor. You are the maker of chaos and the ruler of the winds. The king of my goddamn world. When did I forget that you’ve always been the king of the world?

I think about you a lot. It’s mostly just me wondering if you’re thinking about me too because this feels like I’m drowning and I don’t think you can save me anymore. I need to learn to swim or find a place, high and dry, to smoke a cigarette or two before I go down. It’s awfully hard to keep your head above the water when you can’t remember why you’re there. This ocean I am stuck in, this whirlpool I cannot escape, it’s just a storm in a teacup. The hurricane’s coming. We both know it will wipe us out.

I never thought leaving would be a precautionary measure. I didn’t realise that I needed caution till I met you but now I see that I was wrong. Because leaving is the biggest precaution one can make when trying not to get hurt and Lord knows I am the master of that. You don’t spend your life as a dancer without knowing how to avoid injury. You learn how to stretch. How to feel when a muscle is straining and how to differentiate between good and bad pain. I am the master of my body, I am the master of my soul. I am not the master of you. I know when my hip is about to go out, how long I can hold an arabesque to still move my knees. I have learned when to take off my pointe shoes and when to say enough is enough. Why can I never do that with you?

You’re losing oxygen

And I can’t find the words

You’re a fire that’s losing oxygen. A powder keg about to explode. You’re running out of fuel but you’ll blow up at any second and it's dangerous but I’ve always liked dangerous. I’ve never feared getting burned. As I said, I know how to avoid getting hurt. It’s funny how we worked, how we would work if we weren’t overtired and underpaid and running on the fumes of tomorrows and good tequila. I’ve always been more of a vodka kinda gal but maybe that’s the Canadian in me. If you were here you’d make a joke a about having Canadian in me and we’d laugh and then I’d call you a hypocrite. One of us has had Canadian in him more often than the other.

I remember the way you burned on Drag Race. The way the fire within you would roar rather than just flicker. Because alcohol fuels fire, it doesn’t destroy it the same way that loneliness does. I’ve never been a fragile person but watching us again kills me a little. I long for the days when we weren’t so busy. When we had no reason not to be together. I don’t know where you found the words to impose this ban on us. I certainly don’t have any. We made our bed and now we have to lie in it but this time the bed is a single and there are two of us. Because this game shrunk the bed and I want to get out. Twitter is not a substitute for texting. It is not a substitute for love and affection and the physical closeness I crave.

This game we play is orchestrated but my feelings are not. Your fire does not control what I do or who I see or how they end up in my bed. I tell myself this in the hope that I will learn. In the hope that it will teach me not to fall in love again. Because you cannot play the violin to the tune of my soul. No drumbeat can replicate the beating of my heart when I held you in my arms and whispered love into your hair. I am someone else when I am in love, and you broke that.

The air is getting thin

Silence is all we heard

How’s the air up on your high horse? How do you feel in this atmosphere you’ve made? Are you jealous of me because I didn’t have to make the call? I was too naive to see that we couldn’t stay together. I wasn’t strong enough to fight the tide. The crashing waves of saltwater that burned all of my cuts. Every scar filled with salty tears and every painful thing I’ve felt exacerbated by the cool flow of the ocean. If you read this you’d tell me that I sounded like a Pisces and I’d be inclined to agree if that wasn’t so Libra of you. You’d say it like it’s a compliment but the context just screams insult. Isn’t that just adding insult to injury here?

We only talk online but really all that means is we haven’t spoken in months and you know how I was talking about an orchestra? Well, this newfound silence is deafening. It’s the long pause after that crash of the symbols. The day after the rain. It’s the quiet of an early morning but without you in bed with me and fuck. It hurts, baby. Your forte was always loud but I miss it now. I’ve never regretted being quiet before but I’m aching for the noise that you took away. My life has been one constant note. It never wavered until you. Then you came crashing in and it became a vibrato, technical and beautiful. And then you left. And it feels empty without the melodies. The harmonies we made were visible from the very beginning on Drag Race and whether we thank the editing for that or not, we both know it’s true. We were opposites in public but two peas in a pod alone.

When we would lay in bed, your head on my chest, my fingers grazing your tattoo and your hand in my hair: that’s the only place you were quiet. The air was heavy with love and familiarity and it pooled in my stomach like summer and home. It trickled down your neck like hot chocolate, soft and smooth and filled your lungs with flowers till you coughed up petals onto our bed. Red carnations for love. Bouvardia doubles for life. Sweet pea for departure after a good time. Now silence looks like sweet peas and sex hair and I can’t live my life in that.

You know our last goodbye

Keeps playing through my mind like

Ah ah ah

My mind feels like a compilation video these days. It’s taken every good moment we had and made a supercut. One day I will take it and splice it, titling it happiness.mov. I will watch it until I am old and haggard. When my legs are feeble and I’ve lost all muscle tone in my body. When life has drained from my eyes and my feet no longer support me en pointe. That is when I will let go of these memories. You see, in a way, they made me who I am. Every kiss you gave me, slow and soft under harsh club lights. Every green room I waited in for you and vice versa. Every dollar of tip money I’ve thrown at you - that’s part of me now. You are part of me and I will carry you in my heart like a scarlet letter.

The last time we said goodbye felt more like a hello. It was warm and quick but the way you smiled isn’t something you can fake. Neither of us can act but we are clever enough to play pretend when we need to. We are too young to know better but too old to be fooled. I was not fooled. You directed Courtney with ease, told her what to do like the producers did back then and when I looked at you, you whispered something. So soft, I didn’t hear what it was, but I got lost in you all the same. You still smelt like apple cider and dreams and when you placed your small hands on my waist - when you pulled me in as you did in Florida and in Toronto; well, I could have sworn I heard angels sing. I felt you smile into me and I know you welcomed the feeling too.

I am grateful to Courtney and Nina for suggesting we did that. I am grateful for the video that I have watched a million times. It hurts less than watching Drag Race. Maybe that’s because I know that this wasn’t in our honeymoon phase. Now we have a grip on reality and we aren’t just letting the waves pull us together. We’ve swum through the riptide and I can’t say that we’re stronger but we’re certainly still here.

I often let my mind wander when I am in the depths of despair. I question whether you have watched the video like I have. Whether you will view it with the same sliver of hope and painfully real emotion. I wonder if it stirs your heart and messes with your head to see two people look so in love. If it breaks you down a little to see us look so in love. We may be too old to be fooled but we aren’t near old enough to be blind. Nina made me promise when she sent that video, promise not to go mad. Her warning was belated. All I smell is sweet peas and apple cider and Tampa Bay - and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

Love was already dead

Did you know, red carnations are common in funeral bouquets? They say the word ‘carnation’ comes from the Latin, God in the flesh, and in that case, I suppose I understand how they link to you. If you are a carnation, red like anger and love. I am a peony. Bashful and compassionate and completely indignant. I am angry because this is an injustice, I am indignant to the world and to you. I love you bashfully and with my whole self. I love you with compassion and joy and I long for the good health and prosperity that peonies symbolise. If God is a woman, let her have the heart to see that we cannot be over just yet, I am not content with being a peony. I wish to be a daffodil of new hopes and beginnings. I would like you to join me in them.

Love was already dead

What do oceans and orchestras and flowers and fires and God have in common? You. You are the fire that burns in the dead of winter, keeping the rest of the world warm even if it means you burn out. Too selfless to save yourself, too selfish to let me burn out with you. You are the ocean that swallows me whole and deposits me back on the shore when I swim too far out. You are the conductor of symphonies that all bear my name. Every piece is personal and swells and dips like the North Sea. You play gracefully although your instrument isn’t typical for a twenty-something drag queen. You are the red carnation to my peony even though I pray that one day we will both be daffodils in March, swaying in the gentle breeze with the early sun on our backs. You are the controller of my fate, the author of my destiny. With every breath I take in, I exhale blue roses. I can’t have you but I can’t stop thinking about you. That sounds about right.

Love was already dead

So save your breath

Our love isn’t dead, but you can’t just talk your way out of this one, babe.

Do you remember us?

Because I do.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #angst #pinkgrapefruit #concrit welcome #submission #canon compliant

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