So
I went over the second chapter of Cover Ups earlier
And I realized
HOW THE HELL DID I FORGET ABOUT THE AMERICAN IDIOT THING????
I am so disappointed in myself
I loved doing that, it was so good
I failed you, Past Doodle
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You’ve heard of catboy kyle x dogboy stan... but what about vampire kyle x warewolf stan
ough... anon your BRAIN...
Werewolves ARE my favorite mythological creature, so like... vampire Kyle/werewolf Stan gets me like Right There. I like to think that he looks very scary and huge but he is actually just a big puppy... I feel as though that is ideal
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I’m so in love with that game Terrarium
It’s the only way I can have plants and not kill them
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I was making chitchat with the woman who works at the plant nursery and I mentioned that two baby trees I bought the other day aren't doing too well, their leaves are yellowing, maybe I'm watering them too much? what could be behind this phenomenon? and she looked like she was trying to find a gentle way to phrase it but then gave up and just said plainly, "Autumn."
another social interaction that will come back to haunt me at 3am five years from now
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From 3DBearnadette on tweeter...
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i LOVE IT WHEN REDEEMABLE CHARACTERS RELAPSE INTO THEIR OLD WAYS!!! WHEN THEY GO BACK TO THE DARK SIDE!!! TO THE FEIGNED COMFORT OF WHEN THINGS FELT GOOD!! BUT THEY LEARNED SO MANY THINGS ABOUT THEMSELVES THAT THE OLD PLACE DOESN'T TRULY FEEL AT HOME EITHER, BUT IT'S THE ONLY PLACE TO RUN TO!!!! HELLLL YEAH
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you're in the habit of denying yourself things.
if someone asked you directly, you would say that you love a little treat. you like iced coffee and getting the cookie. you drink juice out of a fancy cup sometimes, and often do use your candles until they gutter out helplessly.
but you hesitate about buying the 20 dollar hand mixer because, like. you could just use your arms. you weren't raised rich. you don't get to just spend the 20 dollars (remember when that could cover lunch?), at least - you don't spend that without agonizing over it first, trying to figure out the cost-benefits like you are defending yourself in front of a jury. yes, this rice cooker could seriously help you. but you do know how to make stovetop rice and it really isn't that hard. how many pies or brownies would you actually make, in order to make that hand mixer worthwhile?
what's wild is that if the money was for a friend, it would already be spent. you'd fork over 40 without blinking an eye, just to make them happy. the difference is that it's for you, so you need to justify it.
and it sneaks in. you ration yourself without meaning to - you don't finish the pint of ice cream, even though you want to. the next time you go to the store, you say ah, i really shouldn't, and then you walk away. you save little bits of your precious things - just in case. sometimes you even go so far as putting that one thing in your shopping cart. and then just leaving it there, because maybe-one-day, but not right now, there's other stuff going on.
you do self-care, of course. but you don't do it more than like, 3 days in a row. after that it just feels a little bit over-the-edge. like. you can't live in decadence, the economy is so bad right now, kid.
so you don't buy the rice cooker. you can-and-will spend the time over the stove. you can withstand the little sorrows. denial and discipline are practically synonyms. and you're not spoiled.
it's just - it's not always a rice cooker. sometimes it is a person or a job or a hug. sometimes it is asking for help. sometimes it is the summer and your college degree. sometimes it is looking down at scabbed knees and feeling a strange kind of falling, like you can't even recognize the girl you used to be. sometimes it is your handprint looking unsteady.
sometimes it is tuesday, and you didn't get fired, and you want to celebrate. but what is it you like, even? you search around your little heart and come up empty. you're so used to denying that all your desires draw a blank.
oh fuck. see, this is the perfect opportunity. if you had a mixer, you'd make a cake.
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