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felassan · 1 year

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Dragon Age: Absolution Episode 2

some random bits and pieces on Episode 2. under a cut due to length

Episode 1 post

It looks really cold down there! You can see their breath

The various glyphs and circular spells in this show really have the feel of similar glyphs and mage spell symbols from the games

The chained dragon reminded me of Ataashi trapped in Trespasser and the chained dragon in Dark Fortress

Is this ruin they're in the aforementioned sealed temple to the Old Gods? In Episode 1 we're told that part of the Summer Palace is built on top of a sealed temple to the Old Gods, and when Rezaren and Tassia exit that place they travel upwards from what looks like underground. that's interesting - it's the place where the Circulum was crafted by Magister Amelia Pavus. Was that so far back in time that it was during the time of Old God worship in Tevinter, or was Amelia an [underground] Old God cultist or simply conducting research of/in an old temple?

^ draconic figure pattern on the chamber walls

New lore: Tevinter Divine Marconius IV built the vault in the Summer Palace in Nessum as a last resort; its security system is designed to kill everyone in the palace in order to stop a full-scale coup, rather than a few intruders. sounds like a safe room tbh! also new lore: this Marconius put the bodies of dead slaves in the walls of the palace

Since it seems from a later normal conversation Tassia "has" with Neb's body later in this episode that Tassia doesn't realize Neb is dead, my reading of the 'Don't you have someone you want to bring back?' exchange between Rezaren and Tassia was that Tassia herself in her own backstory lost someone important to her

New lore: an ancestor of Dorian's, and a member of House Pavus, Magister Amelia Pavus, created the Circulum Infinitus as her last and greatest work. It brings people back from the dead - she'd be proud that her great-great-greatx9000 descendant is a Necromancer

On Memory / Enmity: aaah the highlight of the episode. Honestly I think there is soo much that could be written about this character, on themselves and as a commentary on broader things etc, even though they only appeared for a brief time. "Memory / Enmity" is how they're listed in the credits. they're a spirit of Wisdom called Memory, like how there's a Pride Demon called Audacity and a Desire demon called Caress. these are like, types of or possible aspects/things relating to the 'umbrella noun'. I think sometimes these are things it's focusing on, like how an anger demon that 'focuses on' [angry] retribution is more powerful as that kind of anger is more powerful and complex than simple anger. why memory.. There's knowledge to be found in memories, and they can help inform wiser choices in the future.

Memory has observed and remembered everything that happened in that chamber since its very founding, which as a temple to the Old Gods (from long ago) means that they've been doing that for a very, very long time and seen a great many things. this was in service of Tevinter; we already knew that in Tevinter mages bind spirits and use them as servants, so here's an example of that practise.

When Memory says they "sense" that the artifact has never been used, I get the impression that rather than sense that they just straight up know that, but were being coy about what they knew in a holding some info close to their chest kind of way. When they said that by name and nature mortals are doomed to die, I was reminded of the immortality of ancient elves, how the construction of the Veil changed elves' very nature and sundered them from themselves, and the theory that elves were once spirits/have spirit origins

Memory's descent into Enmity is also interesting. they already had multiple blue eyes, but at certain times when they're tempted, annoyed, sus etc they're drawn with additional, demonic black eye slits. there's also multiple triggers which contribute towards their corruption into Pride/Enmity and twisting away from/perversion of their purpose. Rezaren arrogantly states that just because something hasn't been done before doesn't mean it can't be done, and boasts that Magisters don't frighten easily. here, it's exposure to Rezaren's pride, like how in this Codex sonnet the spirit of Love was transformed into Desire by exposure to the lover's desire for them. Memory is further twisted when Rezaren harms them in an attempt to force/compel them to comply with his demands (forcing them to comply with something out of keeping with their nature). this is apparent from their expressions of pain (grimacing, hunching etc), and this twisting feels more like an animal's defense mechanism against being attacked, like if you keep pushing and pushing someone they may lash out. they're twisted when their own innate (hidden) sense of pride is insulted by the way that they're being treated and essentially being compared to a common shade. and they're twisted when exposed to the powerful artifact and find themselves coveting it and its power. When they say "revealing that would be unwise" it's a bit meta, as at that time Memory themselves is trying to avoid becoming their opposite (unwise... no longer Wisdom).

^ the multiple eyes + blue eyes is self-explanatory ofc, but here I was also reminded by the way the Dread Wolf's face in this mural is twisted and 'frowning'/snarling

Also poor Memory .. MEEEEEMOREEEE noooooo（；へ：）way to go Rezaren you corrupted a spirit other Magisters had been compelling and consulting without ruining for literal Ages

"Power like this draws... many... eyes": obviously referring to Meredith and likely also to get you to wonder who else, what other beings are after this artifact or want it. but it's also self-referential: Memory is drawn to the artifact, Enmity wants it believing that only beings such as they should get to hold such power, their many eyes are fixed upon it

Memory is bald under that there hood. this reminded me of bald ancient elves in wall paintings such as these and the obvious, which in turn brought to mind the theory on Solas' origins, that Mythal once called Solas (a spirit of Wisdom) out of the Fade to serve and advise her ("He did not want a body. But she asked him to come. He left a scar when he burned her off his face")

The Memory/Enmity dichotomy is also interesting, it's not the 'simple' kind of axis like Justice-Vengeance or Love/Desire. we already knew it wasn't always fixed and 'linear' and or exclusive (Faith and Wisdom can both become Pride etc) but yea Spirit/Demon stuff is just soo interesting hh :D according to Professor Google there are some ideas in some types of religious thinking on enmity as it relates to pride:

"Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing. The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us. Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.”" [from a random site]

"the heart and core of pride is enmity - "hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition" - toward God and fellowmen. Enmity toward God has certain labels: rebellion, hard-heartedness, stiff-neckedness, unrepentant, puffed up, easily offended, and sign seekers. Enmity toward others is manifest in daily temptations to "elevate ourselves above others and diminish them."" [from a random site]

"“But Pride always means enmity -- it is enmity. And not only enmity between man and man, but enmity to God.”" [apparently a CS Lewis quote]

the Tevinter Chantry holds services in the evening (the evening chant) which have four bells, singing of the Chant and the congregation/people assembled looking for salvation

^ one last time indeed. F （；へ：）

I thought/speculated/worried that one of the gang wouldn't make it out of the heist alive, but I really did not expect it to be Fairbanks, Newly Ascended Extra and Inquisition Representation. wew!!

When Roland is rolling around on the ground like 'oh the pain' this is probably the bit mentioned here in the showrunner & cast interview from Netflix Tooned In:

Mairghread: “You get a file [of auditions]. A lot of people could bring the badass, but she really brought the warmth, and really, your voice and performance was so warm, in like, this, quieter moments where you could feel a person instead of just a phenomenal killing machine. I knew instantly when I heard your audition, I was like 'that’s it, that’s absolutely it’. […] Phil’s audition was so smooth and sexy, I was like 'oh this is so nice’, but actually what clinched it is there’s a moment where he has to like, act badly, and it’s actually really hard to get actors to act badly. A moment where he has to do a bad job of acting. And you went for it 100%, it was hilarious.”

"tell my wife I loved her" lmao

Levitation? in Last Flight there's the floating aravels and I think in the core rule book there's a bit about levitation of small items

the girl and the cook reminded me a bit of Briala and the chatelaine and Rilene the cook in The Masked Empire, only a lot darker

here's "bat" again, this time bat-eared.. is "bat" a Tevinter thing, like "rabbit" in Orlais? :|

"sky-sucking" lol

^ lockpicking looks fun and also the opened lock is a dragon!

The Fairbanks/Hira thing was a cool twist and clever misdirect. I originally thought Fairbanks was evil, a traitor/compromised or somehow not really Fairbanks in that scene

The Circulum absorbs some of Hira's spilled blood

Also I think Rezaren's mom's name is Enrichetta. That name is listed in the credits as Sumalee Montano, his mom sounded like Sumalee and it can't be the name of the cook or the girl as they're listed as "cook" and "girl", so by process of elimination and lack of who else it could be.. ^^

#dragon age #dragon age: absolution #dragon age: absolution spoilers #bioware #video games #long post #longpost #solas #hope these posts are interesting to someone hh :')#feels #gpoy #mj meta

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mercifullymad · 10 months

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Interesting update to my previous posts urging people to call their senators and oppose the Kids Online Safety Act (KOSA): KOSA is "essentially copied" directly from legislation created by a British Baroness and film director who directed, among other things, the second Bridget Jones movie.

Baroness Beeban Kidron, who has been successful at pushing various online restriction bills through British Parliament, is partnering with U.S. politicians championing similar causes. I very much agree with her stance that it is the responsibility of platforms, rather than parents or kids, to ensure their product is safe for users of all ages. However, the Electronic Frontier Foundation opposes the too-vague language used in one of the U.S. bills copied off of Kidron's bills, the California Age-Appropriate Design Code Act (CAADCA), which has already been signed into law and will go into effect in 2024. CAADCA, "the first [law] of its kind anywhere in the U.S.," says it will "protect children from seeing posts about self-harm or from predatory digital advertisers."

The same problem occurs over and over again with these children's digital "protection" bills — the language is simply too vague, and vague enough to be implemented dangerously by either social media companies or Republicans using these bills to block children from seeing queer or race-conscious content. Aside from those more obvious problems, we also must think seriously and deeply about what good it does to stop everyone under 18 (as CAADCA defines a "child," with no differing restrictions for different ages under this cut-off) from seeing any content about self harm, suicide, eating disorders, and other forms of "self-destructive" conduct that are imagined to be highly transmissible by the sane public. Why do these bills prevent children from seeing content about "self-destructive" behavior but not "other-destructive" behavior? Why do they focus more on preventing access to content about suicide rather than content glorifying gun culture, or content about eating disorders rather than content about white supremacy, sexism, transphobia, and fatphobia (some of the biggest forces causing/encouraging eating disorders)?

These bills want children to self-manage their reactions to living in a dangerous and unjust world in "proper" ways, without actually moving the conditions of the world closer toward safety and justice. And per usual, the target audience of these bills are children who are imagined to be not-mad, children who are not already contemplating suicide or hurting themselves, but who could be "corrupted" into doing so by nefarious forces on the internet. Meanwhile, already-mad children get psych-warded or locked out of the care need.

There's a fine line to thread here, because I am extremely pro-regulating Big Tech and pro-digital privacy/rights, and I don't want to come off as if I'm not. But much of the motivation for these bills comes not so much for genuine concern for digital privacy but overextended paternalism of (mad) children and even more generally, an unexamined discomfort with changing norms for social interaction in a digital world. Kidron recounts that she initially got into this sphere of activism because she once walked into a room to find a bunch of teens "all just looking at their screens," prompting her to make a documentary about teens' digital behaviors. More than looking at how much time children are spending on screens and what they're doing on screens, we must first look at why they're using this technology in these ways. The why of it surely has more answers to what we can do to make the world more livable for them.

#kosa #kids online safety act #also whoever wrote the politico article i'm getting this info from really hates kidron it seems lol #like the writers call her an 'obscure british baroness' even though she's directed a ton of high-profile projects #and is rubbing shoulders with a ton of US politicians so she really can't be that 'obscure'#they mention she's 'fidgeting constantly' like why did that need to be brought up!#they bring up the fact she directed two movies with harvey weinstein #they say she's an 'unlikely example' of how a 'fancy British accent' can pay off in politics...the implication being she needs the accent #to get anything done??#they really go for the jugular every chance they get hsdjksa #my writing #long post

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yr-obedt-cicero · 2 years

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Which of the hamkids was most like Alexander himself? In your opinion.

According to Elizabeth, it was their youngest daughter, Eliza Hamilton Holly (Ironic). Which is interesting because she was only four years old when her father passed, I doubt she had many clear memories of him.

“You don't know how important you are to me. You step in the steps of your father's kindness, and the more you are with me, the more I see that you are like him.”

(source)

But in this, I think Elizabeth is comparing from all the children who actually survived into adulthood. In my opinion, from my standpoint with all the abundance of research I have done into the children; I'm more inclined to believe it was Philip who inherited much of his father's character.

From much of the surviving media about Philip, you can draw a pretty clear picture of his character. Philip seemed to have taken after his father in more ways than one; he had a clever wit, he was described to have been pleasurable company, he seemed to make friends easily, and was consumed by his studies. But he was also rebellious, sometimes reckless, prideful, and even arrogant. He was also, much like his father, obsessed with his honor, and sometimes quick to anger. There are countless times it is said he inherited Hamilton's talents, and Hamilton had high hopes that his eldest son would follow in his father's footsteps into the law and politics.

Really, the whole engagement between Eacker and Philip also truly shows how much the father and son were alike. Contrary to popular belief; the Hamilton-Eacker duel was not in defense of Hamilton's honor, but rather Philip's after he was called a “damned rascal” by Eacker. Even when Philip and Price were wrong in their accusations Eacker's speech was against Hamilton, Philip was much too arrogant to back down and continued to pester Eacker throughout the night while drunk.

“Mr. Eacker feeling himself thus pointedly the object of contempt and ridicule, and his name being mentioned aloud, could no longer sustain the painful sensation resulting from his situation. He determined to leave the box, and remonstrate with Mr. Hamilton privately in the lobby with his back towards Mister Hamilton and Price, overcome with agitation and shame to be thus treated, he exclaimed "It is too abominable to be publicly insulted by a set of Rascals."—"Who do you damn'd Rascals?" was the immediate enquiry repeated again and again. Mr. Eacker felt anxious to avoid a broil in the Theatre, and observed to the gentlemen, that he lived at No: 50 Wall-street, where he was always found—"Your place of residence has nothing to do with us!" was the reply. Upon this, some person's observing an intention as they supposed to as assault Mr. Eacker, and desires to prevent a disturbance to the Theatre, stepped before the gentlemen, and with difficulty prevented their approaching Mr. Eacker. Mr. Eacker then requested them to make less noise, and proposed retiring to some private place.

On their way to the tavern, irritating language passed among the gentlemen, Misters. Hamilton and Price peremptorily insisted upon Mr. Eacker's particularizing the person to whom he had applied the appellation of Rascal.—Mr. Eacker demanded of them whether they came into the box on purpose to insult him! "That is nothing of the purpose," was the immediate reply: "We insist upon your particularizing the person you meant to distinguish by the the appellation of Rascal."—"Did you mean to insult me?" again repeated Mr. Eacker, "We insist upon a direct answer," was reiterated—"Well then you are both Rascals." Upon leaving the house, Misters. Price and Hamilton conducted themselves in such a manner as would inevitably, if continued, have drawn the attention of persons in the street. Mr. Eacker said "Gentlemen, you had better make less noise; I shall expect to hear from you."—"That you shall," was the immediate reply.”

(source)

And hey, coincidentally; both of them died in duels for the defense of their honor.

#amrev #american history #american revolution #alexander hamilton #historical alexander hamilton #philip hamilton #eliza hamilton holly #eliza hamilton #hamilchildren #history #hamilton family #hamilton children #hamilkids #hamilton kids #queries #sincerely anonymous #cicero's history lessons

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mermaidsirennikita · 1 year

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ARC Review: His Study in Scandal by Megan Frampton

4/5. Releases 5/23/2023.

For when you're vibing with... Milf excellence, nice boys who fucking do, and lighthearted romance.

Widowed duchess Alexandra is tired of pretending to mourn her husband. Hitting the Garden of Hedon for a night of pleasure, she finds it with businessman Theo Osborne. Despite their intense evening together, she expects she'll never see Theo again... but she does. And it turns out he's meant to get engaged to her own daughter.

I usually love angst on angst, and I wouldn't say Megan Frampton's books are that. But somehow, they work for me anyway. Maybe because she writes really likable characters. Maybe because she writes super bomb sex scenes (especially in this one). Either way, I had a good time, and I loved writing about a heroine who's lived a legitimate life and a hero who's not only younger than her, but a good bit younger than her.

Quick Takes:

--I've seen some concerns about the age gap between Alexandra and Theo, and concerns about how the text addresses this (or rather, doesn't--it's not as much of an issue for the couple as is Theo's obligations towards her daughter, or for that matter Alexandra's desire for freedom). She's 40, and he's 28. I just don't think it's a big deal. She's 12 years older, and he's grown the fuck up. Theo is a man who has everything he needs on his own; he doesn't need Alexandra, and honestly, she doesn't really need him either. For the subject matter, the conflict here is relatively low. As a reader, I kind of loved that there wasn't a lot of handwringing over Alexandra's age. It's kind of criminal that so many people who read historical romance are women 40 and over, and they get so little representation in the subgenre.

Also, we read so many books with this age gap or much larger with an older hero and younger heroine (and I have no issue with that). Why is it a problem when she's older?

--There are some quibbles I have with the pacing, which is kind of... not slow, but calm, and then suddenly rushes at the end. It didn't take away from my enjoyment of the book, but I do feel like one particular trigger could've been pulled earlier in the story.

--Alexandra has a lot of concerns about being free in her future life after literal decades of a constraining marriage. This extends to her being uncertain of Theo really ensuring her freedom in the future. I found this to be a realistic concern for a woman in her era, with the experiences she'd had. It's not about her not loving Theo, or even really not trusting him as an individual. It's about him being a man and Alexandra having learned some pretty tough things about how men conduct themselves in marriage, especially within her class. I'm sure romance readers will be super normal about this. Personally, all of her hesitancy made me like Alexandra more and relate to her more for that matter.

--And because Alexandra is an interesting, complex character, I don't think it's surprising that Theo's development is a little quieter. A little her-centric. It's something we don't always see with historical heroes. He's not tortured, though he's not perfect, either. He's the kind of "good guy who puts it down" Megan Frampton is so good at writing.

The Sex Stuff:

This is the hottest Frampton book I've read so far. Like.... damn? Theo and Alexandra's relationship begins with sex. She never really had good sex in her marriage, and fortunately, he in fact a giver (though I wouldn't call him a sub). The sex they have is both super hot and passionate and like... genuinely fond? You can feel the relationship developing through it, and her confidence growing in turn. It's very sweet, while also being scorching. But this dude really would just dive under her dress headfirst at any given opportunity, huh? His enthusiasm and how much he loves giving her pleasure just leaps off the page.

I had a good time with this one. It's not perfect, but it's sexy and entertaining and a different take I'm happy to see in historical romance.

Thanks to Avon and Netgalley for providing me with a copy of this book. All thoughts and opinions are my own.

#romance novel blogging #arc reviews #netgalley #book recs #books #book reviews

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frevandrest · 2 years

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would you say Hérault was a dantonist or a hébertist? Or neither?

That's an excellent question, but I don't think there is an established answer. I know it's been argued that he was a Dantonist buut I don't know what to say, because the bios I've read did not really focus on Hérault's work as a revolutionary. One was all "Hérault was a noble, and it made him superior", while the other one focused on the events themselves more than Hérault's place in the faction fight.

My opinion - and I could be wrong, since I need to read more on Hérault - is that he was (or tried to be) individualized as much as possible. As in: he did not appear to have a "faction" or particular alliances with a specific group of people.

I don't think this is a coincidence. We see in many of his actions and approaches that he often opperated under the Ancient Regime rules that he mastered in his youth. Not in the ideological sense (I do think he was an honest revolutionary), but in terms of how to behave, how to succeed and how to fulfill your ambition. In the old days, you needed support from those more powerful, so it was useful to be charming and good with everyone, but the emphasis was on the individual merit vs what we do collectively. Your success often depended on your personal skills (in behaviour, speech, writing, mannerisms, etc.) And I think Hérault kept this sort of conduct throughout the Revolution, even when it wasn't the most appropriate for the situation.

I don't think there was anything bad about it per se, and it didn't necessarily make him a bad team player, but he notably did not form bonds and alliances with other revolutionaries in a way that was common at the time. (Again, I need to read more so if I am wrong about this, I will change my opinion). Hérault was not a loner, on the contrary - he was (or tried to be) good with everyone, while not creating any clear political bonds in terms of factions. I am not sure if this was simply his approach, or if others were slightly suspicious of him because of his background (another thing I need to check), but I wouldn't say that he was part of any specific faction. (And tbh, I don't think Hérault himself would say that he was anyone's follower; he saw himself as a leader).

We see this in his mistakes. If the sources are correct, he did nothing to ensure his behaviour is patriotic when doubts started flying: he took confidential CSP documents to his home, and he harboured an émigré. For a long time, he behaved very relaxed towards the rules, and I am not sure why. Did he think those would not apply to him? Did he think he could charm his way out of any trouble? (Which did work in his past). But it did not work in the end. And I don't think he was a spy or that he was guilty of stuff he was accused of and why he died, but I do think his behaviour was too relaxed in some key moments. In any case, I couldn't find proof that those mistakes were part of any larger conspiracy or agreement with any of the players among Dantonists, Hébertists, etc.

Sorry, this ended up long winded and rambly, but tl;dr: as far as I can tell, he did not belong to any specific group. But I need to read more on the guy to conclude. Sadly, there are not many sources (or I didn't dig up carefully enough).

#frev #french revolution #hérault

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thetreetopinn · 1 year

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Hangups about relationships

I was thinking about something earlier this evening while I was on the way to pick up dinner. I've sat with it and percolated on it. I'm still not entirely sure how I feel on the matter, nor if I fully understand it, but I feel like it's something I need to put into words--get down on paper so to speak--so that maybe, someone might read it, recognize it, and be able to convey to me the words, thoughts, and feelings that I'm not able to assemble on the matter on my own.

The internet is pretty good about that sort of thing.

There are certain people in my life--some of them are people who I see face to face but still interact with online, the rest are people I almost exclusively interact with online due to distance usually. These people seem to exude a certain emotional state towards me. The way they talk to me, talk about me to me, how they conduct themselves in my presence--it's a pattern I've seen in several of them. It's all very nice and sweet and flattering. They tell me how much they enjoy my company, how they want to spend more time around me, some of them have even said that just being around me makes them not just feel better, but I make them want to be better. I'm not entirely sure what it is I do that achieves this result but, it's terribly flattering. A couple of these people have even snuggled up with me while we watch movies or stupid stuff on youtube and fallen asleep. They have said that they feel safe with me.

I'm pleased that this is the kind of feeling I can give to people. I really do get a great deal of gratification from knowing that I'm not so repulsive that no one wants me around. Believe me, I have spent a great deal of my life believing that I was unlovable--not because I see myself as ugly or anything, but because I see myself as... boring, drab, incredibly ordinary, the human embodiment of a plain cheese sandwich on wonder bread with miracle whip with the crusts cut off. I was convinced that I simply blend into the background no matter where I go or what I do. There are so many other people who shine brighter, are more charismatic, more knowledgeable and experienced in all things, and just sort of exude a vitality that draws others to them. Or at the very least, they can keep from vanishing into the crowd and go unnoticed.

So this whole sense of people being drawn to me--and it's not like it's a huge crowd, it's a small number but it's decidedly more than I expected--is very new to me. I'm not at all used to it and I'm still struggling to process it. This is absolutely not at all helped by several details about my life.

First: I was not a popular kid growing up. I got picked on a lot, I was the weirdo, the odd one out, the outcast, the dork, the dweeb, the idiot who didn't understand a lot of things the other kids did because they were "more worldly" and their parents let them watch "grown up stuff" or some stupid shit like that. I have zero friends from childhood up through middle school. What few friends I made in high school, there's really only one I still have contact details for and we never talk.

The longest friend I've had I made my first year in college--after discovering the wider world of the internet. We're still very much in touch and we talk frequently. I've since made other friends, but it very much feels like I'm on the outside looking in, on the periphery and not at all part of any core friend group. I've been trying to go be more social at group gatherings that don't require explicit invitations, but I still feel kind of... on the edges of the group.

I'm not asking to be one of the popular kids but... I mean... it'd be nice if I had a group I belonged to that was like "hey, this is a cool thing we could go do, let's ask Smokey if he'd like to join". If I don't feel like I'm a meaningful part of a group, I end up just kind of... slowly fading away. I stop participating, attending, or even speaking up in group chats. Pretty soon, I'm forgotten and everyone moves on without me.

I don't blame those people. There's only so much one can keep in one's head at one time. I just... hate being so easily forgotten. It doesn't help that I probably present in a way that isn't conducive to cultivating the kind of bonding I'm looking for. What that is I'm not entirely sure. I just know that I'm something of a fuddy duddy. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs, I don't have a particularly active sex life. I work, I go home, I fart around on the computer, I go to bed. Occasionally I go to a group thing, but then I just come home to my empty apartment again.

I've kind of gotten used to this, and while thinking about it too much does kind of leave me feeling down, it doesn't hit as hard or as often as it used to. Like I said, I think I've just acclimated. But then we get into this handful of people--all of them disconnected from one another, not a single, cohesive unit but from very different walks of life, the only thing they share in common is they're all furries like me. They all have this sense about them that they're magnetically drawn to me.

I can recall in the past--ten years ago and even further back--I had similar situations. There were those who presented in a way that they seemed interested in my company--enthusiastically so. Some of them were only interested in using the connection to get something out of me--perhaps to extort money, get me to buy them things, or write stories for them for free. Some were interested in just straight up getting into my pants without any real concern for how I felt on the matter--and this was back before I came to the realization that I honestly don't give a shit what hardware you've got, I'm more interested in software compatibility. I'm demisexual--meaning I need someone I'm drift compatible with. As far as the hardware goes, I'm easily pansexual. But before I knew any of this about myself, there were a couple of people who just... wanted me to drop everything going on in my life (like, college, my apartment, my connections to my family and friends and what not) and just move in with them so they could have access whenever they wanted.

There was another who catfished me and I still see them pop up in my friends' feeds from time to time. While this person hasn't re-offended, I'm still very much not at all interested in having anything to do with them because... I just can't fucking trust them anymore.

I don't know if it's because of all of this (and other instances that I haven't mentioned and don't really feel like getting into) or if it's just a weird quirk of mine but... anytime I have someone demonstrate overt interest in me, and I can't figure out precisely how we connected, why we are still connected, and we don't have just a whole hell of a lot in common... I just feel suspicious.

"Wait, you're attracted to me? You want to spend time with me? You enjoy hanging out and talking with me? ... ... ... WHY?"

Part of me is wondering "What is it they're after? Is there something I have that they want?"

Another part of it is "Maybe they just don't see enough of me yet to really understand what they're getting into and they'll be grossed out or get bored of me in short order."

Yet another part is "Are they doing this because they get delight in hurting people and I'm just the latest mark?"

But more than anything, there's "They must be mistaken. I'm not worthy of the interest or affection or company they are offering. I don't want to get too attached and end up being disappointed YET AGAIN because I'm not cool enough or interesting enough or a valuable enough resource. I'm just me, and me is nobody."

That said, there exists a very small handful of people who show genuine affection for me and I'm totally fine with them. I'm happy to return it--though it still feels weird and I get kinda flustered when they say something genuinely heartfelt that's really kind and I don't know how to respond or reciprocate. My brain kinda shorts out a little and it's just a big "404, response not found"... probably because I don't know how to do this sort of thing. I didn't exactly do a shitload of dating. Hell my first real date was in my 30's. These rare few people I can be more at ease with, and I think I know part of why, but I'm sure I don't have the full picture.

First of all, they're familiar with the stuff I'm into--the stuff I write about and what not--and have demonstrated that they're either cool with it or are into it themselves. Great, I don't have to worry about that side of myself scaring someone off. Second of all, I can pretty well zero in on how we met and what about that meeting triggered a desire to stay in touch. That's very helpful for me because it's one less thing my brain can lie to me about. Third, something about how we interact just feels natural and easy. A lot of the people in the group I see when attending events I can talk to with ease and don't feel scared or much of a need to conceal aspects of myself--but... I still don't feel a terribly strong connection because... well...

Let me explain something.

I am a nerd, a big ole nerd. I am a turbo dork. I love making referential humor. I love finding connections in the media I consume and using that to express wonder at the world around me. BUT I am nowhere near as knowledgeable about the things I love as the people around me. The Marvel comics--I know precious little about, same with DC. Star Wars--fuck I love me some Star Wars, but I'm woefully lacking in knowledge of the universe. Pretty much all I know comes from the mainline films and a few other sources (like Rogue One and a few of the TV series). Star Trek is another big love of mine but christ am I woefully lacking in the lore department compared to one or two of my friends. I could go on, but the point is no doubt made well enough to get it across. I am always lacking, lesser, unable to meet the other on their level of understanding. To them... I probably sound like a poser who just SAYS he enjoys these things and doesn't have the deep appreciation they have for it.

To their credit, none of these people have said ANYTHING to suggest any form of gatekeeping. It just... doesn't feel like something I can get a solid connection with. And I don't feel like I have anything else to offer... so... what connection DOES exist feels hollow and superficial. Some of them... it feels like they're happy to TOLERATE me, but beyond that... let's just say I'm not going to be invited to any slumber parties. Or any parties that require invitations.

I don't know if I could honestly say I have a BEST friend. There was someone at one point that kind of filled that spot, but they've since moved on and found whatever companionship I provided in a more compatible place. There was someone else who I thought might fill the role, but they clearly had someone else in their life that occupied that slot in their social card so definitely not something that would be reciprocated. I've got a couple of really good friends but I'm pretty sure they have others in their life that rank higher than me.

This isn't meant to make me sound like I'm jealous or whiny. These are just things that I've noticed. And I'd like to be a part of a friend group that regularly does stuff, reaches out to one another, invites one another to do things, and has a relatively minimal rate of declining said invitations. 'Cause if I keep asking if you want to do something, and you're never available, or you're so hard to reach that I might as well have just not tried in the first place... I'm eventually going to stop trying because I clearly don't place high enough in the list of priorities.

So... you'd think with this mess of feelings and emotions I have about wanting connection... that I'd leap at these people who demonstrate such enthusiasm for being around me--a few of them even wanting to date me.

Why then am I so reticent? Why don't I pursue? What is holding me back? Fear of being hurt, sure, okay that's something that makes sense, but it's not the only detail, and it's not the biggest one. Suspicion that they only want something out of me? Possibly, but... I haven't really gotten much of that vibe from anyone. This is one of those 'your brain is lying to you' details. Worried that if I don't keep them at arm's length, they'll get in closer, see all the details and find that there's actually not a whole hell of a lot there to keep them interested? Okay yeah... that's probably a sizable portion of it.

But then why am I so much more comfortable with those select few I mentioned? Why don't THEY trigger the same sense of suspicion and low-grade anxiety? Is it the demi thing? Is that what this is? There was a click and there it is?

I know for a fact that I have an issue with rejection. I don't have an official diagnosis for being ADHD, but a lot of the signs line up real good and there's this thing--rejection sensitive dysphoria--where you take rejection, even PERCEIVED rejection, really really extra super hard. And I have noticed that if I have an argument or a fight or I get some nasty criticism from someone... I end up pulling away from them. Usually only for a little while. Sometimes... for longer. Fear of being hurt definitely applies here--but there's also this sense of "I'm not good enough, I'll just screw up again and I'll end up getting rejected all over again"... and I guess brain has decided "Nope, it's easier to just not try."

Fun times were had by all [/sarcasm]

The select few that I feel more at ease with--I can't say I've had any sense of rejection from them yet. And by that I don't mean them showing signs that they don't want to be around me... but like... a disagreement, an argument, raised voices, exasperation, something like that. I'm not foolish enough to believe it won't happen. I recognize that it very likely will happen at some point. Maybe that will break the spell?

And then I'll lose one of those precious connections because my fucking brain won't shut up with its stupid bullshit.

I can think of a few of people that I've slowly, inadvertently ghosted over the last couple of years. One in particular because I just didn't trust them enough after what happened between us in the distant past (not at all helped by "I don't know what I did or said that pushed you away but I'm sorry" while they're also trying to be kind of uncomfortably lovey-dovey with me which... wow, you forgot the abuse? cool cool cool). I hope they're doing okay but just... I don't think I'm comfortable with staying connected to them. They've made it clear that they want something, and when I say I'm not comfortable with pursuing something like that... they kind of just... low-key ignore it? I guess they're hoping if they're cuddly enough at me I'll forget?

Two others... there have been... strained conversations, mild tensions, moments of overt discomfort. I'm not too up my own ass to admit that this is very probably entirely a me thing. It's that RSD thing I mentioned earlier getting in the way. Brain has decided to associate them with negative emotions and now... just... instinctually, whenever they reach out--on the rare occasion that they do because I'm not the only one who stops trying when it's clear the other person isn't interested--I just... ask myself "Why the fuck are you contacting me? We don't have anything really meaningful in common. What could you possibly want from me?" I actually find myself angry that they're reaching out to me... and that is fucking bizarre. Why would I be angry? I shouldn't be angry. It's like I'm mad they're interrupting me--even if I'm not in the middle of anything. Why am I like this? Why do I let these feelings control me?

Why can't I just let myself make these connections? Why is my brain constantly getting in my way of just... being okay with imperfect bonds? Because no bond is going to be 100% perfect. That's a myth. It doesn't exist. No matter how much Hollywood tries to sell us on the concept of a 'soul mate'... it just isn't going to happen. Sure, you can potentially find someone you click with, someone who gets you on a deep, meaningful level... but soul mate? No. There is no such thing as someone who was "made for you". Period. Full stop. End of fucking story. That implies that their sole reason to exist is to make you happy and that makes my skin fucking CRAWL.

No one was made specifically to make me happy. I refuse to believe that. That doesn't mean no one can make me happy... but no one exists solely for that purpose.

So why can't I just... accept it... when someone says something nice to me? Or when they say they enjoy my company? Or when they say I make them feel safe? Or when they just want to fucking talk and I've got this stupid brain thing making me think they shouldn't be talking to me because of what... something I misinterpreted and decided it was a rejection?

I don't expect people to have the kind of patience needed to contend with my brain and its various quirks and hang-ups. I don't expect people to stick around if I don't do anything to reach out to them at least some of the time.

So why can't I accept it when someone reaches out to me?

Why can't I?

Am I just... broken? Do I really just cut people out of my life that easily? Am I really that much of a prick? I'd like to think not... but... the evidence kind of speaks for itself.

Maybe people are better at reading me than I am at reading them. I damn sure misread a few folks who have been in my life and now... either not at all, only on rare occasions, or only as passing acquaintances. That last one... that one still kind of hurts especially since... there was intimacy there. I allowed myself to be vulnerable in a way I hadn't before and... I dunno... I guess I fucked up and now... I think they got tired of me.

I don't have a manual on how to person. Hell, no one has a manual on how to person. So why does it seem like so many other people are so much better at it than me? Why do I keep making simple, easy to spot mistakes that others can avoid so easily?

Why can't I just let myself connect? I want to so badly. I feel a need for it. I get a taste of that fulfillment when I go to the group hangouts, but then it fades so damn fast as soon as I get in my car to go home--back to that empty apartment... where all I have is just... text from people, some of whom I've never even met face to face.

I know I need therapy--and probably medication. But these are things a broke millennial can't afford. EMPLOYER PROVIDED INSURANCE!?? COVER MENTAL HEALTH!?? PFFF WHY THE HELL WOULD THEY DO THAT!?!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Oh it would probably cover something... not enough... just barely enough to be able to say 'we care about your mental wellbeing' right before they tell me to get back to work.

But that doesn't change the fact that this is a me problem... something wrong with me, something I need to fix... something that requires me to get uncomfortable... and I really don't like being uncomfortable. I get anxious when my boss--who is a super friendly guy--asks me to call him to talk about a work related thing. Even when I have no reason to believe that I'm in trouble... my mind starts racing, "What did I do? What did I screw up? Did I forget something? Did I make someone angry? Was I too curt in that email? Is a client really pissed at me and they're demanding the company let me go? ... oh... it's letting me know that I can sign up for a thing... I'm not in trouble. He's trying to help me move up." and thus the mini-heart-attack comes to an end and I'm just that much closer to death.

How do you say all of this to someone who has displayed affection for you? How do you convey it in a concise and complete manner so that they understand? And how do you do it without completely scaring them off? That they're going to have to be patient with you, that you fuck up badly sometimes, that you are going to feel irrational annoyance at being contacted sometimes... and then, sometimes, not even ten minutes later you're thinking "Why doesn't anyone talk to me?"

🎵How do you solve a problem like the Smokey?🎵

I damn sure ain't gonna marry a fucking Austrian Baron... Julie Andrews I most certainly am not.

Fuck do I wanna visit those mountains though... fucking beautiful.

I'm not getting any younger. I'm pushing 40. With my health, diet, job, and finances... I have a really hard time believing I'll make it to retirement age... especially since it keeps slipping later and later.

If I'm going to connect with any of these people, I can't wait forever. There will come a point where it's too late.

How do I fix my stupid brain?

#rambling #thoughts #struggle #I just want to not be dumb #wait did he just reference the sound of music?#way too long #Yes I did just reference the sound of music #do I have to read all of this?#I want some cookies now #and a hug #if I was actually a dragon I wouldn't have to worry about this #a whole different set of problems

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exfiltration22 · 1 month

Text

What I didn't deserve took on incredible proportions.

I need to be equipped with imposition because I am too, rich inside of me, and I don't want to be fooled.

I won't accuse you if you don't spend time under the star of jealousy. This is another antinomy for which I bite the apple. Envy can radiate with a few fires. But how did you arrive on the cruel road of who you are by yourself? Add "fake" to "jealousy" and you're remarkably jealous. Jealousy is the suicide of those who stay close to it, but the silent burden of those who must bear it. In other words, why do people need to suicide themselves in the contact of other people? Maybe by putting it under your nose, the scandal will teach you a few things. Rumor has a reputation and people are curious about drama. Where it will be heard and what it will echo are correlated within social spaces that are more or less neutral in the face of this event. For the most of us, the identity of a person who has actually committed suicide is never revealed but we all know that it's a tornado for those who were in touch with the victim. I mean that there's no better way to get rid of your life than remaining envious and I mean that real suicides aren't necessarily jealous. But you'll be all the more aware if you understand the perilous end of embarking on the fast locomotive of suicidal jealousy. Justice will be long, but the green eyed monster will have to face his dark ambitions. 'This is something you might notice afterwards' won't kill the atmosphere this time. Hold firm, the victims of suicidal jealousy are not to be forgotten. After having inevitably consumed it, weariness makes patience poison. Tasting the ingredients that lead to victory has unfortunate surprises. 'It's getting harder to feel pure' thinks one that knows the venom. Vice has seeped into the consciences of those who have been obliged to see it time and time again, but they held out until then. On the way to clear his head of his errors, strange fruits hang from bushes arranged in avenues. Bucolism has the charm of making us forget. What is the reflection of the world in this closed botanical garden? It is formally prescribed by any tourist office to visit the places that serve to admire ornamental nature. Arts greatly represent what we should not do, in order not to do it. Why do people wanna chew what's impossible to accept when everything becomes possible again? Cynicism kills each other's vibes. To me, in sort of, a cynic person intends his best to act like a mad scientist. From the use of what is not recommended, he makes it permissible in a miraculous dose, this makes for curious remedies. I believe this was how roses grew spines, men could not represent their ends. To a science that is not driven by transparency and egalitarian values, I find no purpose. Actual scientists prove you that it's a brilliant tackle so much they improve their ethics with relevant comments. When in doubt I try to draw a savant discourse, it is greatly inspired by their courage and determination, enlightenment and precision. Scientists bear witness to a lagging attitude towards their profession. It usually implies conducting the most detailed investigations, more than the FBI's. The traffic of relatively free knowledge is made by a guideline that inventories their gatherings. They also collected seeds while making their union. They're given the opportunity to shine during lectures. They take the means to deepen what wants to be heard; and then pronounce "relatively" way too much.

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dannygronerportfolio · 4 months

Text

10 Things I'm Most Proud of from 2023

I entered this year in transition, looking to formally split my role in half. I spent 50 percent of my time and with my attached metrics focused on what got me here, which is PR portfolio support. And the other 50 percent of my time and attached metrics went toward dealflow, measured on total number of introductions I made to the investment team. I learned quickly in Q1 that while those two pursuits might leverage the same sentiment and sensibility from within me, they required different outlooks and approaches. I had to learn to be be both - at once.

My proudest achievement of 2023 has yet to close yet, but it's a deal that we expect to land in the arriving weeks. That would be the first I sourced to make it into our active portfolio. On the one hand, I had hoped to boast this deal before the end of the year. On the other hand, I am riding this wave for what it is and how it will get done, and I have something to look forward to along the continuum of the years. This lead of all of the leads I've generated - 18 qualified ones in 2023 - has the best backstory to it. And I look forward to telling the tale.

I continued this year to assist job seekers in looking for work, mostly marketers who I can help more than others. In a similar vein to the above, I shifted from racking up volume to considering precision, finding the people who might be left without completely if not for my gentle touch. I clocked less than 50 percent of the volume I did last year while giving myself more grace and also spare time to expand into other arenas, too. I have made this endeavor a set part of my everyday work and life, and I am confident that dozens more will get on their way in part thanks to me next year. Several of this year's candidates told me that I changed the game for them and unlocked something in them they didn't know was there. It's all so gratifying.

I completed another year of posting weekly in my Substack, which is the equivalent number of words of a second novel. I didn't grow the readership this year as I had hoped, and I have lost some of my readers from the year prior. I am not too worried about that, as the initiative continues to be valuable to me as a place to put the topics and ideas that would have otherwise died inside my head. Journaling has always helped me grasp how I feel, and whether I have something to say. And this project solidifies that aspect of my self. I know what the next 10 topics to write about will be. And I have gotten good feedback of late from active readers that I am writing well in addition to writing often.

A popular PR newsletter featured my essay this year about my transformation from PR guru to business consultant. I received some immediate accolades when that went out, but I have continued to plug it with mid-career job seekers since as a model for how they can and should be thinking about themselves and their careers. I send it along, unprompted, after calls with those who'd benefit from reviewing it. I've adopted a similar approach for how I conduct follow-ups with appropriate people for Forecast Labs. The meeting is the middle of the process, not the beginning. And I supply them with two podcast episodes we lined up this year as part of our one-pager. That serves well as top of funnel for our marketing efforts.

This year, half of the press I brought in overall was for Forecast Labs itself. The anchor came from TechCrunch in March. We continued to get a steady stream of press from top-tier publications, including Bloomberg (x2), Financial Times, Inc. (x2), and Quartz. We have begun to receive enough inbound that we don't really have to pitch more at all anymore, and reporters see us as a go-to source and resource to find what they seek. We pair up reporters with the sources they need, sometimes within our portfolio and often not. This is a winning formula for us to keep focused on achieving our business goals first and always, PR goals to complement what we're already seeing and saying.

In particular, we were helpful to reporters during the Silicon Valley Bank crisis. As other PR people and executives faded to the back, waiting for the fiasco to pass, we went to work in those first few hours to make ourselves available, actively pitching into the storm. We were rewarded for it, both for Forecast Labs and for the portfolio companies that happened to bank at SVB. You can find our coverage in The New York Times, Fortune, Crain's, Slate, and The Verge, among other places. That episode was an example of how we didn't prepare specifically for something we could have predicted, but we had built expertise and also trust internally to seize on what we could say when others weren't able to.

There's nothing I enjoy more than lining up press for a new portfolio company even before they are announced as one. That's what happened in May when on my initial call with the executives I heard a nugget that I felt was a standalone story, outside of our corporate announcement. So we went and got that story done first, in Modern Retail, before writing up the formal press release that yielded coverage in Axios. I listen closely for both paths forward, knowing that we have more legs to stand on after the announcement is in the past if we have original insights to offer for how the business is growing.

The best example of that came from Public this year, our furthest-along property, that yielded the most coverage of any portfolio company with 10. Among the publications that covered them were AdAge, CNN, BBC, Bloomberg, and Yahoo Finance. That company had a massive year in terms of corporate announcements, and we were there every step of the way to support the growth opportunities that they spearheaded.

For one of our latest portfolio companies, Outcomes4Me, we found a clever way to squeeze into The Wall Street Journal, and we also saw a long profile run about one of their workers in Cure Today. This assignment perhaps more than any other that has sat in our portfolio requires a deft hand because of the nature of what they offer and who they serve. Sensitivity to cancer patients comes first always, and if we can foster those stories publicly to help the next person feel less alone and more supported that extends the coverage beyond mere placements for its own sake. There's a strong sense of purpose when speaking to the operators in-house at Outcomes4Me, and it raises everyone's awareness of how the media writes about the most devastating times of many people's lives.

And, finally, I got myself cited in a couple of stories, as usual, this campaign in The Washington Post and Shondaland, among others. Additionally, I spoke to several reporters on background this year, pointing them in the right direction and offering perspectives on some topics and themes that wouldn't match exactly to where I can be the leading expert rather more as a conduit to get there. Whenever I am the right person, I step up. And otherwise I'm just happy to assist in the ways I know how.

(Here’s a link to the 2022 list.)

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lucascecil · 7 months

Text

Project: Blue Box - The Church and the Crown

This review contains SPOILERS

◆ Summary

Paris, 1626. The tension betweet the church and the crown grows in the streets of Paris as King Louis prepares the biggest party France has ever seen. With a new member in the TARDIS crew - temporarily -, the Doctor, Peri and Erimem find themselves involved in the palace's intrigues when Peri is mistaken for Queen Anne.

◆ Doctor

He still is unsure about travelling with Erimem and I don't understand where that comes from - she was forgotten by history, a pharaoh that never was, so I don't get why her leaving Egypt would've been a problem. Specially because he plans to take her to the Braxiatel Collection, which is a terrible, horrible idea. There is no way he could've meaned to leave her under Bernice's care because they haven't met yet and anyways I don't think the Doctor would like to leave anyone near Braxiatel's shadow.

Five has a strong characterization in this story towards him worrying and caring about his companions that fits the character perfectly; but I can't help but wonder where all of this was when Nyssa and Tegan (and company) were going through hell in every single story of theirs. He talks to the TARDIS in a very cute scene; and all of this sums into a version of the Fifth Doctor that is a nice and gentle guy. Of course you can argue that this was always present in his character, but I thought of him as a little bit distant, as if scared of the world around him - and even of his own companions. He is a child in the body of an adult; and a child that was protected too much.

This time he is the winner of the russian roullet of terrible events that haunt the regulars in the expanded universe; the scene where he is tortured by lord Buckingham is very well done and horrible. The Doctor is always the one out of the TARDIS crew to recover faster from the lots and lots of traumas they go through, but honestly he freaks out much less than he should given how many shit things happens to him.

◆ Peri

She has this wonder for her trips in the TARDIS that we saw little in the TV and that is lost later in the timeline when she is already a veteran companion. She is less present in part two or three, but I like a lot that the Doctor and company go rescue her; but when they arrived there not only has she already escaped but also the tables turn and it's Peri who now must rescue the Doctor. The scene she meets Erimem once again after them being separated the whole story is very cute.

◆ Erimem

The smartest choice in this release was, first, to put Erimem spending a lot of the runtime besides the Doctor - in contrast to Eye of the Scorpion that focus much more in her dynamic with Peri and so we have two releases that gives her character a lot of opportunities to established her in this TARDIS team. And honestly she is perfect for them. And then, second, it being a historical again. Obviously it's going to be fun seeing the character exploring other planets and facing aliens, but putting an historical companion in historical scenarios they are not a part of is an idea I never get tired of and there is always a lot of potential and things to do in these situations.

Erimem also is extremely competent; not only it's her who gets them into the palace, but it's also her who conducts the talk with the crown and positions herself in the court in a way that the other character would listen to what her and the Doctor have to say - she tells them she is a princess from a foreign land that came to party, which fits like a glove because she was indeed royalty just a few days before. The ways she positions herself with authority in her stories is what made me take a liking to her so fast.

She would never be a companion in New Who tho. Not only does she uses her social position to shut up a character (not unlike what Tenth does with Harriet Jones), but that's not something she does once and that's it. She is like that, that's her character. Obviously Erimem is far from being a realistic depiction of how a royal would be - she is gentle, patient and a good listener. But there these moments that reminds you she was once a pharaoh and that makes her a tridimensional character that is tangible in a way I like.

By the end of the story she says that Buckingham should be executed; and that if they were still in Egypt she would've him tortured. It's her whom commands the troops in battle at act three and it's her whom interrupts one of the fights between the Queen and the King in a scene I adore. “And I shall tell you both what I think. If I behaved in this manner in my own kingdom, I would have been executed within days and left for the jackals to feast upon. You bring shame and dishonour to the name of your Royal House.”

◆ Other characters

King Louis is an interesting character. A bit less cruel than monarcs tend to be in Doctor Who and specially an more kind approach to a monarc in a historical, but still interesting character that the story have fun with even though he is a horrible person. There are scenes of his that put a smile in my face; but he is characterized as completely irresponsible, someone who is often taken by fits of jeaously and that can't deal with anyone contradicting him even a little bit.

But he gains complexities through the other characters from the court, specially cardeal Richelieu, that here represents the church, and queen Anne. His relationship with the cardeal have some interesting nuances because of part three when Richelieu reveals a genuine respect and devotion to the crown. And his relationship with the queen is a failed marriage in which the two parts are drowned in ressentment of each other. And yet I would say that there is genuine feelings between them, at least from the king - even if I would not call it love. Their relationship is too messy to say their marriage is made of apathy, but at the same time the jeaously from Louis' part does not sound to me (only) possession or a king indignant with the dishonor of adultery. Was it so I would think the queen dead already. That's not to say that I think he is a man who never cheated his wife, but I don't know the historical facts and here is suggested he was sexually interested in Erimem. It's 1616, I would not be surprised.

◆ Golden ideas and memorable quotes

Expectations can be a huge problem and this time it came from the title. I was expecting a study of religious tensions and intolerance as was The Massacre, but that's not the tone neither the approach of The Church and the Crown. What this story is, is a kinda realistic pastiche of musketeers tales, the books of Alexandre Dumas being the obvious reference.

It's an aspect I like a lot because it's used in the more comical parts and it's fun. Perhaps it would work even better as a TV story because it'd be amazing to see Peter Davison fencing.

I asked myself if no one would notice that Peri has a different voice to the Queen (not anyone in the streets, but her former lover defenitely should) and the answer is yes he does, he is just stupid.

The only bad moment with Erimem is at the end of part two when it finished with a scream that I would expect to come out of Susan's mouth in the sixties. It's extremely caricate and out of place, but I'll give it to you that's a appropiate response from a character seeing a explosion the first time in her life (me thinks). This scene is followed in part three with a line of dialogue from the cardinal that left me wondering if he had a more intimate relationship with one the guards but that's so different from his characterization in every other scene that I think not.

I love pure historicals but they can have an inherent problem: Doctor Who can't defy (known) history even if it would benefit the catarse. At the end of part three you have this wonderful scene where the cardeal threatens to excomungate the King and is imprisoned. In any other story this would mean in permanent changes in the relationship of the church and the crown, but because History with capital H must run its corse they reconcile. There is another world in which exists a scene of queen Anne revealing to the guests during the party that the King has him prisoner. The same can be said for the diplomatic relations of England and France.

“You would dare to take on one of the finest swordsmen in England?” “Hasn’t anybody told you? We’re in France! Ha!”

◆ Sound effects

The battle scenes are very well done. Paris fells alive, both through its characters and the sound effects. The uproar of crowds, the beats of the bell. The torture scene is frighteningly well done. The music is subtle but it fits nicely.

◆ Replay factor

This is not a story with twists, so you don't gain anything in that prospect in a relisten. But it's a wonderful story that I can picture myself revisiting here and there.

◆ The Veredict

I finished The Church and the Crown with an grin in my face between Five being a silly guy and asking the musketeers to shout "one for all and all for one!" and Erimem finally being invited to permanently travel in the TARDIS. It's just their second story and the chemistry of the cast is in the heights and there is this fondness between the characters that warms my heart. A very good pure historical and another triumph for the Fifth Doctor adventures, there is a lot to like in this story. And the cover is gorgeous.

◆ It's great, ★★★★☆

#Fifth Doctor #Project: Blue Box

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myimaginarywonderland · 1 year

Note

Okay, this is the second time you reblog my post with takes I vehemently disagree with. The first time you did it, I sent you a message that you refused to reply to, you probably won't answer this one either. If you refuse to talk to me, but keep on reblogging my posts to criticize them, than I will block you. I understand people will and should disagree with me, I am open to discussions always, but the way you do it, is simply petty.

You have completely missed the point of what I was trying to say, you have twisted my words and my meaning, talking about things I didn't even mention. I wasn't "making Redbull the victims", I was actually questioning why Sky treats them the way it does, when no other team gets treated this harshly. I listen to Ted often unfortunately that's why I know that he was being incredibly underhanded and sarcastic with his remarks. I also in my years of listening to Sky don't remember them talking about Mercedes and Lewis like this when they were the ones dominating and winning, nor were they constantly bringing up other teams as their rivals. It was Redbull's launch, there was no reason to talk about Mercedes or who someone's best friend is, he could've talked about this man's achievement instead of his friendship with Lewis. There is no expectation of Redbull to talk about any team in particular, they are launching their car and talking about their new sponsors and partners.

All of your criticisms of my post are from what I can see based on the notion I am talking about fans, I am talking about international broadcasters, who have shown worrying levels of bias in how they conduct themselves when it comes to Redbull.

To be honest with you, I didn't refuse to answer, I simply forgot because of my exams and me just being me + the flood of notifications I got. I wanted to get back but it has just not been a priority of mine.

Please block me, I don't mind at all. In fact, if my opinion annoys you that much I encourage it. After all, the experience we have an Tumblr is whatever we want it to be and if that negativity is bothering you, then don't let it be part of that! This is not meant to sound patronising and I hope it doesn't come across that way. I have lost followers before, probably been blocked by many too for my opinions and that's complelty fine. I realise that not all negativity is tolerable and that it can be exhausting. He'll, I even had some mutuals I adored unfollow me because I was in such a rant about a driver that they deeply adored. I regret that since I have realised my hatred was mostly stupid but I understand them and I would probably have done the same.

Glad we both agree that words were twisted. If you didn't think you were making RedBull the viticim or that wasn't your intention that is one thing. However by singling out or making it seem like RedBull is the only team that has been affected by commentary bias you kind of fell into the easy mentality that I have seen many teams on F1blr where the victim mentality is so prominent.

I honestly think any other team would get the same treatment where they an actual threat to Mercedes. I think it has been easy on Ferrari this year since it was clear they were no threat even with the great car as they kept fucking up strategy etc.

I think it's normal that especially after 2021 it the focus will lie more on RedBull. I get that they are very borderline and out of the line with their comments sometimes but I don't think this is one of those times at all and I would argue that it has definitely been better this season.

I disagree about Ted but I guess people interpret tones of voices differently and without any specific comment or explicit mention whatever he might have been trying to do, we are both as wrong as we are right.

Oh no, I think there's a definite bias from the British media towards any threat to British drivers. Seb was literally so hated and still is quiet often by commentators such as Brundle.

I mean, the season is approaching, reporters want to stir up drama. It's literally what they do. They will keep digging about Mercedes and RedBull, it's their job. I agree that it's dismissive towards this man's accomplishments but any opportunity will be picked up.

Oh no, RedBull don't have to talk about anything but also, the not mentioning Mercedes bit might be mind games which teams are all great at playing.

I still think my point stands and I still think that a certain bias is normal. Commentators are also just human and will prefer one driver to another. They're human. And while I agree that there's borderline times, sometimes going into unprofessional but I still don't see this here or think it applies in this case

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rumor-imbris · 3 years

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Hello, Lady Connor! I want to ask out of unbearable, suffocating curiosity in my heart, even though in the previous post you already said to not mention "that certain comic". Could you please enlighten me about your view on that comic and what you despise about it? I would love to read your detailed thoughts about it even if just once. But if this is too triggering for you, I'm truly sorry for your discomfort and you don't need to answer it.

Hello, dear Anon and welcome ^-^ It's weird you naturally called me Lady Connor, as usually only my little fairy @giuliettaluce does. Well, I guess her magic put a spell on everybody here!!

If you really care to know, I'll answer, but brace yourself, it's going to be very long, almost an essay, because I can be very detailed about that comic being a failure in its every part. There's so much to say. You're right, as I mentioned before, it can trigger me, but I have attentively analized it and I know it makes not a single atom of sense. So nothing can actually bother me that much, don't worry ^_-

First of all, my general consideration of the AC Reflections comic issue #4, (yeah, that thing -.-) is that of a mere attempt to desperately make Bayek's remote vision through Senu's eyes a canon feature. It was created and published in 2017, the same year AC Origins was released and yes, they needed an excuse to make believe Connor's alleged daughter inherited a skill someone (who isn't even their direct ancestor!!) that lived 1700 years ago in ancient Egypt had! OMG, this should be funny enough, but I'll go on. Also, I think it was likely a carelessly arranged way to satisfy those AC3 fans demanding a "happy ending" for unlucky Connor (quite 5 years later, of course).

I'll better go step by step to figure out where to start from, seriously.

1) In the comic, when Otso Berg opens the file related to Connor, the scene is set in "1796: Upstate New York." Now this is chronologically and spacially incoherent and illogical. We see Connor still wears his assassin outfit in it, right? According to AC Initiates (2012) in 1804 Connor invites the Dominican assassin Eseosa at the Davenport homestead to provide him some advices and further training as he's involved in the leading of the Haitian Revolution. That's a really cool character, read about him, if you want!

So, until then Connor is still an assassin, probably the mentor (by now) of the Colonial Brotherhood. He still runs the homestead and he still commands the Aquila, I guess, he's the captain still. I calculated the distance between the homestead and the then upper NY frontier territories is approximately 260 miles (quite far nowadays with cars and planes as well). Then, why the hell should he have a family located in the forest upstate NY? It sounds very unconfortable to run back and forth to reach them and go back to take care of all the Brotherhood matters, doesn't it? Unless he knew about teleportation!!! Also, wow, he lives all alone in a nice massive villa with all the comforts of that time while his children and wife still live in a Native village constantly menaced by settlers wanting to steal their land? Beside the fact that Connor, at least in my point of view, seemed at last very familiar with european way of living by the end of the game, this leads us to the next point.

2) By the time the game and the comic are set (second half of 18th century), most of the East Coast Native tribes were facing the tragic and forced migration to western and northern territories (mostly towards Canada, protected by the British) because of all the consequences of the Revolutionary War (lost territories, failed alliances, settlers advancing and buying their lands and so on). So tells us history, unfortunately. It's a fact. And this is wisely showed to us in the AC3 main game when, after all the Kanien'kehá:ka tribes had left the territory around Connor's village (yes, even those near New York, to be clear) even Connor's own tribe at last migrates west, leaving an empty ghost village. They had remained all along to protect the secret temple, but in the end they as well were forced to leave. So, to me it's highly improbable that in upstate NY, one could still find a tribe and even if so, that Connor would let his family live there and risk their safety everyday.

3) The whole comic plot revolves around the fact that Io:nhiòte has a "special gift"... She inexplicably knows how to read the ground and find animal traces, she also can perform a perfect twisted acrobatic flip in the air and land unharmed to the ground. Do we know why? No, don't ask! xD She simply knows U.U, even if right after the next scene she slips and falls miserably down a cliff xD, but... ok!! Beside that, when Connor is far away to search for some water and is about to be attacked by a wolf hidden in the grass nearby, she sees the whole scene from the eyes of an eagle flying in the sky above her. As I said before, this reminds us of Bayek's (never clearly explained) ability to see through his eagle Senu's eyes and spot dangers and enemies. Now can you tell me why the hell this little girl has super powers and a skill Bayek had? As I said, they are not even directely related, as Bayek is not one of Desmond Miles' ancestor, we know him simply because Layla's new Animus is magical and can inexplicably read fragmented DNA from people who died a thousand years ago (it can also prepair coffee, I think!). So, where did she get that from? Magic? Mysteries of life? Convenient improbable connections for marketing's sake? We'll never know and you should simply accept that and ask no question!

4) From her height, way of speaking/moving/running, I assume Io:nhiòte is at least 8 years old, 8 - 9 minimum. She's the youngest of three siblings, who must be at least two years older than her and than each other (according to a human woman pregnancy timing!). If the comic events are set 12 years after the main game ending (1784, when Connor also starts to train the young ex-slave Patience Gibbs, arriving at the Davenport homestead with Aveline De Grandpré, according to AC IV Black Flag bonus mission with Aveline), so, this means that in that same year Connor must have found hastily the love of his life in a Native village (as if he was easy to open himself with other people after all he's been through), married her, impregnated her and seen her give birth to their first child, all in the same year when (let's not foget! xD) he still is the leader of the Colonial Assassin Brotherhood at the Davenport homestead training novices. Now, this may even be possible humanly speaking, (well, if you force the things a bit and hurry up!) but highly unlikely to happen!! xD

These are the main problems affecting the logic of the comic in my opinion, the points making its foundations crumble apart. Though I'm sure there are many little others to point out, such as Otso Berg "opening" Connor's files... like what? Where did those data come out from? I remember playing AC IV Black Flag and uncovering a file where Abstergo researchers themselves closed access to his memories as there was "nothing appealing to this character anymore"! So, if no more researches were conducted on him since 2013, where did Mr Berg magically or conveniently discovered such data in 2017?

Or... do we want to talk about the cover? It shows Connor in the spirit outfit from the Tyranny of King Washington DLC, which has apparently nothing to do with the comic, since it is set in his present day and he wears his assassin standard robe. Now, I think that can be either a simple marketing choice to make the comic more appealing, as... well, that cover is so cool, let's admit that, or maybe the subtle suggestion that the events told in it are just a parallel Disney-like reality and are not to be considered true at all! xD i don't know, maybe both explanations are right.

I'm sure that the deeper i dig, the more nothing rational I'll find!

If you played the old games, if you know well the franchise and its lore, the true, good, old AC lore, you definitely realize by yourself how that comic is useless and senseless.

This doesn't mean I do not wish an "happy ending" for Connor. But I'd rather accept something coherent with the main game events and AC chronology. Also, it doesn't necessarily needs to be a "happy" ending, as they conveniently created to please complaining fans. I wished for something real... coherent with his personality, acquired life-style and endless sense of duty and values.

Maybe that's what pushed me to write my FanFic novel in the first place, after all... To give him MY OWN cohesive ending, including my love, for love is always needed, I guess.

I'm so sorry if the answer took this long in time and words, but you were warned! ^w^

Though, thank you... Seriously, thank you so much for asking. You made me reflect once more about this matter.

Come visit me again, if you want. Take care

- Rumor Imbris 🦋

P.S. Oh, and if you're interested, this is my "jelousy song", for when things like this trigger my inner witch!! xD

#ask #ask me anything #I Am the Storm!!!!#AC3 Reflections #why it sucks #why it makes no sense #thanks for asking #anon ask

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cassianus · 3 years

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St. Pio on How to Conduct Yourself at Mass:

Beloved daughter of Jesus,

May Jesus and our Mother always smile on your soul, obtaining for it, from Her most holy Son, all the heavenly charisms!

I am writing to you for two reasons: to answer some more questions from your last letter, and to wish you a very happy names-day in the most sweet Jesus, full of all the most special heavenly graces. Oh! If Jesus granted my prayers for you or, better still, if only my prayers were worthy of being granted by Jesus! However, I increase them a hundredfold for your consolation and salvation, begging Jesus to grant them, not for me but through the heart of his paternal goodness and infinite mercy.

In order to avoid irreverence and imperfections in the house of God, in church - which the divine Master calls the house of prayer - I exhort you in the Lord to practice the following.

Enter the church in silence and with great respect, considering yourself unworthy to appear before the Lord's Majesty. Amongst other pious considerations, remember that our soul is the temple of God and, as such, we must keep it pure and spotless before God and his angels. Let us blush for having given access to the devil and his snares many times (with his enticements to the world, his pomp, his calling to the flesh) by not being able to keep our hearts pure and our bodies chaste; for having allowed our enemies to insinuate themselves into our hearts, thus desecrating the temple of God which we became through holy Baptism.

Then take holy water and make the sign of the cross carefully and slowly.

As soon as you are before God in the Blessed Sacrament, devoutly genuflect. Once you have found your place, kneel down and render the tribute of your presence and devotion to Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament. Confide all your needs to him along with those of others. Speak to him with filial abandonment, give free rein to your heart and give him complete freedom to work in you as he thinks best.

When assisting at Holy Mass and the sacred functions, be very composed when standing up, kneeling down, and sitting, and carry out every religious act with the greatest devotion. Be modest in your glances; don't turn your head here and there to see who enters and leaves. Don't laugh, out of reverence for this holy place and also out of respect for those who are near you. Try not to speak to anybody, except when charity or strict necessity requests this.

If you pray with others, say the words of the prayer distinctly, observe the pauses well and never hurry.

In short, behave in such a way that all present are edified by it and, through you, are urged to glorify and love the heavenly Father.

On leaving the church, you should be recollected and calm. Firstly take your leave of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament; ask his forgiveness for the shortcomings committed in his divine presence and do not leave him without asking for and having received his paternal blessing.

Once you are outside the church, be as every follower of the Nazarene should be. Above all, be extremely modest in everything, as this is the virtue which, more than any other, reveals the affections of the heart. Nothing represents an object more faithfully or clearly than a mirror. In the same way, nothing more widely represents the good or bad qualities of a soul than the greater or lesser regulation of the exterior, as when one appears more or less modest. You must be modest in speech, modest in laughter, modest in your bearing, modest in walking. All this must be practiced, not out of vanity in order to display one's self, nor out of hypocrisy in order to appear to be good to the eyes of others, but rather, for the internal virtue of modesty, which regulates the external workings of the body.

Therefore, be humble of heart, circumspect in words, prudent in your resolutions. Always be sparing in your speech, assiduous in good reading, attentive in your work, modest in your conversation. Don't be disgusting to anybody but be benevolent towards all and respectful towards your elders. May any sinister glance be far from you, may no daring word escape your lips, may you never carry out any immodest or somewhat free action; never a rather free action or a petulant tone of voice.

In short let your whole exterior be a vivid image of the composure of your soul.

Always keep the modesty of the divine Master before your eyes, as an example; this Master who, according to the words of the Apostle to the Corinthians, placing the modesty of Jesus Christ on an equal footing with meekness, which was his one particular virtue and almost his characteristic: "Now I Paul myself beseech you, by the mildness and modesty of Christ" [Douay-Rheims, 2 Cor. 10:1], and according to such a perfect model reform all your external operations, which should be faithful reflections revealing the affections of your interior.

Never forget this divine model, Annita. Try to see a certain lovable majesty in his presence, a certain pleasant authority in his manner of speaking, a certain pleasant dignity in walking, in contemplating, speaking, conversing; a certain sweet serenity of face. Imagine that extremely composed and sweet expression with which he drew the crowds, making them leave cities and castles, leading them to the mountains, the forests, to the solitude and deserted beaches of the sea, totally forgetting food, drink and their domestic duties.

Thus let us try to imitate, as far as we possibly can, such modest and dignified actions. And let us do our utmost to be, as far as possible, similar to him on this earth, in order that we might be more perfect and more similar to him for the whole of eternity in the heavenly Jerusalem.

I end here as I am unable to continue, recommending that you never forget me before Jesus, especially during these days of extreme affliction for me. I expect the same charity from the excellent Francesca to whom you will have the kindness to give, in my name, assurances of my extreme interest in seeing her grow always more in divine love. I hope she will do me the charity of making a novena of Communions for my intentions.

Don't worry if you are unable to answer my letter for the moment. I know everything so don't worry.

I take my leave of you in the holy kiss of the Lord. I am always your servant.

Fra Pio, Capuchin

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nightswithkookmin · 4 years

Text

Jikook and Taekook in The Soop: Ep 06 Analysis

PREFACE

This discussion is a continuation of my opinion piece on Soop episode 06. I explained in that post, how I think Soop was initiated by BigHit and BTS to repair and replenish the dwindling bond of the group as prior to Soop, there had been some friction between some of the members which could be traced as far back as November last year and had only increased exponentially through to March this year.

Now I said this without prejudice, and knowing full well there are a ton of content withheld from us in the present day likely to be released years from now that may reveal a moment, a behind scenes, that to others may seemingly counter this perception of mine.

But like my theory on the Jikook break up moments, I stay my ground. I don't draw my conclusions based on a single moment of tension happening in isolation because they are human- a jet lag here and a muscle pain there could lead to an unnecessary outburst here or there. That's not it.

I look for patterns, take into consideration their personalities, note how a moment impacts or is likely to impact those established values and patterns of behavior that BTS themselves consciously contribute to to influence their public image and reputation- I take this delulu business pretty seriously you know? Lol.

For instance, when I say Jikook broke up it's mostly because I've noticed that over a period of time, certain things that make Jikook a couple to me are no longer present between them, in the way they interact, rather than that there was a few seconds tension between them in random moment on screen.

And I am well aware, that when some people say they feel Jikook are broke up that they are basing their conclusions off of their own insecurities about them rather than that they have seen enough, thought through enough about those observations to reasonably draw such conclusions.

For example, because to them Jikook interactions is their evidence of a romantic relationship, then Jikook not interacting in a random moment would indicate to them that something is wrong and that they are broke up- basic delulus.

I employ a different metric. Not better, just different. For example, I used them not knowing certain things about themselves within certain periods as an indication something is off.

This is not a hard rule. It could be random but when the information they are in the dark about came into existence within a period I suspected they weren't a couple due to other things I had noticed within said period, then that becomes a confirmation of that period for me. Feel free to disagree.

Jikook know everything about eachother, EVERYTHING. Or at least, they act like they know or should know everything about eachother.

They love to be the ones to know eachother the most and love to show off their knowledge about eachother like in the recent Bangtan Bomb when JK said he knew Jimin could touch his toe when he stretched.

'See, I told you he could touch his toe.' he says with pride. Then the bit about Jimin and beans, Jimin and the convenience store underwear etc.

So when JK suddenly doesn't know Jimin took pop dancing or when Jimin acts surprised that JK had gimbap it raises an eye brow. No?

What's more concerning to me is their reaction to news like this. JK zoned out for a bit and Jimin looked confused out of his wits in those instances. You could tell its something that really bothered them.

And while this may be an isolated incident for most, it's usually not for me or even surprising to me. Because, as explained, usually moments like these fit into an established pattern of inconsistent behaviours identified within those specific timelines prior to such moments, from my observation.

And I see most people also don't know how Jikook looks like when they are not 'together.' Which is also part of the problem.

To most people, a Jikook break up would look like the apocalypse up in BTS- it's not.

I've said several times in my blogs, if you believe Jikook are real then pay attention to what they are and not what you expect them to be. Their relationship parameters are set by them not us and our ideosyncracies.

To me and the way I see them, a Jikook break up is and would always be a return to friendship.

When Jikook break up they revert back to being friends. Friendship is their default, in the group setting anyway.

And as I've said, they lose or strive away the qualities that make them a couple during break ups but at a bare minimum their friendship will be there- for the harmony of the group.

And I think this is why some Jikookers theorize that Jikook knew the consequences their relationship was going to have on the group before entering into their relationship.

While I disagree they thought things through before deciding to commit to a romantic relationship, I agree that they know and have considered the impact their relationship can have on their group.

It is why they revert and will revert to being friends during times like that so their break up and conflicts doesn't affect the dynamics of the group.

I think this is one thing they both very much understand and commit to, to make sure their shenanigans doesn't impact the dynamics of the group- they owe their bandmates that much.

It is also this understanding that allows them to thrive and hide within the group.

What all this means is that, in times of a break up, the skinship will very much be there, the wearing the same attire will be there, the wearing the same bracelets will be there, they will still ride together if they have to- because none of these is what make them a couple!

And a fight is not a breakup, mind you. Often when they fight, I find they may not want to be around each other among other things but they don't lose the qualities that make them a couple.

You can still see their couple aura in such times. Whereas in the case of a breakup those couple qualities disappear entirely. In my opinion.

Perhaps I should make a blog post on what I feel makes Jikook a couple and how those qualities disappear around the times they break up? I'll think about it.

I have stated over and over that, skinship, car sharing etc are all not in any way indicative of a romantic relationship, not to me anyway. And honestly, if you can't tell between Jikook as friends and jikook as a couple- do you even deserve rights? Consider your delulu membership revoked. Lol

And if you aren't observant, shy away from angst, see them as a fantasy rather than actual human beings in an actual romantic relationship- subject to change, subject to growth, susceptible to temptations; if you mistake things that make them friends for things that make them a couple you would not spot their break ups when they happen. Or worse, you'd dismiss and overlook them when they do happen.

Deadass, you could be very much looking at the end of Jikook but still screaming power couple extraordinaire-

Isn't that where we are with Taekook? People mistaking all the things that make them friends for a romantic couple?

People dismissing all the questionable moments that's happened between them over the years- like Tae saying he couldn't even tell JK had been given a mission to ignore him because Jk ignores him anyway behind cameras, Tae's passive aggressiveness towards JK like in the VLive he exposed Jikook, the missing birthday wishes on Twitter etc- and not reflecting on them enough to critically examine their impact and what it says of the state and nature of their relationship?

Taekook in the Soop is an indictment of the shipping community. But I am not here to police anyone's delusions- freedom of belief, speech and all that jazz.

What I am here to do today, my dear delulu colleagues, is to examine Taekook in the soop and share my thoughts on the infamous conversation they had in that episode.

I will also be pointing out a few observations I made about Jikook in that episode that I feel will help shed more lights on the current dynamics between Jikook which further proofs Jikook is real.

TAEKOOK IN THE SOOP

Taekook's conversation in Soop 06 is shaping out to be one of the most controversial moments in the history of BTS ships.

To some it was a doze of reality, a game changer, if you will and had some people questioning their sanity while others jumped off the Taekook bandwagon all together.

But some die hard fans of the ship were quick to come up with a theory to explain away what had transpired that night as big bad BigHit curating that entire scene in order to bamboozle them and absolve themselves of all guilt for having previously separated Taekook and forced them to hide their relationship- scammers never die. Lol

Why would Taekook have that conversation on camera if it was that serious, they ask.

If they aren't close why did JK put his hands around Tae here? Why did he look at Tae there? They fist bumped in the background of this MV, surely they are a couple- y'all know how I feel about skinship being used as a determinant of romantic relationships so I'm just gonna roll my eyes here and keep it pushing-

This is what happens when you whimsically and randamly label a ship as real without due diligence, without conducting the necessary tests that allows you to reasonably assume that that ship is or could be real.

A ship is not real until it's breached the fourth way into alternative shipping and I'm sorry, Taekook has not breached that fourth wall. No other ship in BTS has breached that wall except Jikook. I have explained this over and over again.

How can Taekook breach the fourth wall when half of the moments, half of the content needed to establish it's piercing moment exists in the imagination of people?

By claiming BigHit hides, and cuts Taekook moments or any other ships moment, by claiming Taekook's interactions are mostly off camera, these shippers are shooting themselves in the foot and fooling no one.

Because what they are indirectly saying basically is there aren't enough moments to analyze upon whose findings we can draw such conclusions that Taekook is real.

I have a hard time believing Jesus is real and I'm a Christian. You think I'm about to buy that Taekook is real, based on faith??? Y'all tripping.

And no. The skinship don't count either. I mean people were running around the corners of the internet swearing up and down Jimin and Mina were dating based on their skinship until it was revealed Jimin had been abusing Mina all those years.

Skinship is performative and not a reflection of true intimacy or true bond.

That being said, yes I see Taekook's relationship. I see their dynamics. They are beautiful and as a multishipper- I really dig their bond. I do.

I have called them the evil power duo of BTS. I have said they don't have much intimate interactions between them on camera but when they activate their evil powers, lord do they set my insides on fire.

WHY FILM THAT BIT ON CAMERA?

For quality entertainment purposes. Lol.

Soop is a quasi self produced production by BTS. As such they themselves created the content, concept, decided where they were going to be, what they were going to do at what time and most importantly who they were going to be with or hang out with.

Everything was pre determined by BTS and the schedule was presented to BigHit- the camera crew and staff, beforehand so the staff knew where to place cameras, what equipment they were going to use and what props they are going to have to provide for BTS for effective filming.

Unlike run or Bon V where BTS have little creative control, BTS played a major role in the production of SOOP. So if that bit was staged then it wasn't staged by BigHit, but by BTS themselves- including Tae and JK.

I explained in my previous post, how I felt Soop is business but also BigHit's way of shutting BTS in a room and forcing them to settle whatever differences had crept up between them that had been affecting the dynamics of the group and threatening the longevity of their group around that period.

I said it was no different from Rookie King where they had an episode where BTS was allowed to shout their grievances off the top of a roof to foster unity among the members.

It's also no different from the missions they've are given from time to time or the love letters they have been asked to write to eachother. The objective of such projects have always been to bring the members closer, to build intimacy and to foster unity amongst them. Soop follows suit.

What's of interest to me and what you should be pondering over is what had led them all- BTS and BigHit, to embark on a project of this nature this time around.

BigHit is a business and can only stay on top of the game for so long if BTS is in the game. Them disbanding impromptu due to petty conflicts and misunderstandings amongst them will be a huge loss to BigHit.

And if you think petty issues aren't enough to bring down their empire- you are in the wrong delulu industry. Lol.

Kpop is wrought with stories of these nature. There are a lot of bands that debuted with and around the time of BTS's debut that are disbanded now due to the least misunderstandings- google it. I dare you to.

BTS do have issues from time to time that does threaten their band. How often have we heard them talk about almost disbanding? Remember 2018? Remember when JK cried because Hobi almost left the group? Remember when JK almost left the group to pursue a career in dancing?

The Kpop industry is hectic and brutal and bands within this sphere are fragile. it's easy to jump ship than to keep sailing. I mean, there's a reason Korean interviewers keep asking BTS their secret to staying together and for this long.

As RM puts it in the recent KBS interview, they are seven boys from different backgrounds in the same boat headed in different directions. That can create a lot of clashes here and there. So when tensions arise that they can help it, they take initiatives like Soop to help nip it and replenish their bond.

They don't allow issues to fester on to the point they want to go their separate ways. BigHit loves this about them and encourages that among them.

Do y'all see why I side eye people who claim BigHit is not happy with any pair within the group because they are real and wants to hide and suppress them?

Left to BigHit alone, BTS would be in one big happy gay polyamorous relationship with eachother if that meant the success and longevity of their business- they are depending on it. They would rather BTS keep the love in the barn than spread it elsewhere, if you know what I mean.

How are BTS portrayed in Tiny Tan? The bond you see in that animation is not just a reflection of BTS's actual bond but also a reflection of BigHits vision of their bond.

Jimin is portrayed as that hyung who is always watching over JK because he loves him so much. Tae is also portrayed as the one hyung who will dive to save JK. Tiny Tan is BigHit's ideal intimacy goal for the boys.

Again, BT21, how are their friendships portrayed in there?

It's absurd thus to think, believe or even assume that if there is an actual real intimate relationship between any of the boys, that Bighit's objective would be to hide and suppress it or even to kill it.

BTS's intimacy is a currency BigHit transacts with. But that doesn't mean BTS doesn't bank on it too. They are proud of their bond, often flaunt it. They know it makes them stand out of the lot and it's what has led to them staying together for this long in the business. They have a pretty strong bond.

They wouldn't have agreed to do this project Soop if they didn't want to or didn't think they needed it. They really love eachother as a team, as a band; they love working together and care about their careers unlike other bands we know. Cough, cough.

They are the blueprint and they know it. The last thing they want is for something as trivial as a misunderstanding to break them apart- Hobi said in his recent YouTube live how BE is their voice and an expression of their feelings and I can't wait to hear all the songs on the Album to understand what they've been through these past few months.

If building intimacy is the objective of Soop, then conversations like that of Taekook really shouldn't be shocking. It's to be expected.

If they felt the need to talk it's because they felt they was something they both needed to get off their chest.

Is a content of that nature good for ratings? Absolutely. Does that mean they performed it? No. Not at all.

It's similar to what Jimin did with JK in Rookie King in order to get closer to each other. They were friends. You think he couldn't have just approached JK off camera and told him how his actions hurt him?

How often have we heard RM or Tae ask if the cameras were they to capture a moment where the members have claimed to have cried and consoled each other?

See this is why people think Jikook is fake. They just don't understand that these boys choose to share certain intimate moments with the us out of love, out of a need to connect and have people share in their moments.

It's no different from BTS filming themselves screaming when they heard of that BB news. They share their joy, their pain and their conflicts with us as a way to connect with us.

How often have we wished the VMin dumpling fight was recorded, or that the rain fight was recorded? But when such similar moment is recorded y'all want to question the intention behind it.

Besides, having conversations like these on camera is the perfect cover for them to be vulnerable with eachother without feeling too vulnerable or feel like they are exposing themselves too much.

It's similar to how people choose to text or be vulnerable with others through letters and texts rather than in person. Its the fear of vulnerability. Being vulnerable like that in person can be extremely scary for them too. They are human too and sometimes they find their confidence and their voice when they turn on the cameras.

It's ridiculous to think a moment is staged simply because it is or feels like an intimate moment- Y'all claim BigHit hides Taekook's intimate moments and when they show it to us and it's fake? Chileeee!

If that moment was staged, then Jin apologising to Tae after their fight is fake, the fight itself was staged, V's letters were staged, V crying when reading those letters was staged- y'all see where I'm going with this?

None of it was real and we've all been bamboozled- Let's pack our bags!

Seriously though, we can't sit behind our screens and pick and choose which content is real and which is not simply because it doesn't align with our delusional theories. It doesn't work that way.

Especially not when everything we see is captured by the same lenses, edited by the same people and distributed by the same company.

Besides, Tae said the reason he did that was just to spend time with JK- which was the objective of Soop, wasn't it? For all of them to spend time together and bond?

How then is Taekook bonding by having a meal together any different from Hobi spending time with NamJoon in the mountains? Or Tae riding around the country side with Hobi? Or RM and Kook painting?

I'm yet to figure out the sequence that the entire project was shot in as I still haven't seen the full episodes. But I'll bet if there were any Taekook bonding moments, they were shot after their heart to heart moment, not before it. Tae wouldn't have been shy to invite JK had it been so. But who knows, I could be wrong.

TAEKOOK vs JIKOOK DYNAMICS

On Taekook's dynamics, I stated during our discussion on their love language that I don't see Taekook as emotionally compatible or emotionally dependent on each other even much less that they speak each other's love languages. They don't.

It's no secret Taekook have always lacked a certain level of mutual emotional dependency and vulnerability within their dynamics. To me anyways.

Rarely would you see them being emotionally vulnerable with eachother the way Tae is with Jimin or Jk is with JM. The only time I have seen them close to being emotionally vulnerable with eachother was at an award show when Tae cried and JK comforted him. But even that felt impersonal-

again the thigh slapping, cheek squishing, pegs on the cheeks, cuddling in bed etc doesn't count. That's skinship and you know how I feel about skinship or what I think of it.

When I say emotional vulnerability and dependency, I'm talking about instances such as when Tae said he missed Jimin, when he had to drag Jk away so he could ride with Jimin, all the things he said about Jimin in his letters, the way he talks about Jimin in his solo Vlives, writing songs inspired by Jimin, when he said Jimin was the one member who had been there for him during his grandmother's passing etc.

Jk expresses his emotional dependency on Jimin through his actions more so than his words- that need he has to constantly be around Jimin. You see this in moments where he subconsciously finds his way to Jimin like the 2018 comeback VLIVE where he and jimin were put in separate teams but after picking their groups mission he headed for Jimin's team instead of his.

You see this in the way he talks about Jimin when Jimin is not around. He would find a way to chip Jimin into any conversation- I dare you; Talk about heaven and it would remind him of Angel Jimin, talk about hell and he will burst out laughing because of Jimin's devil may care attitude that one time.

You see it in moments when he sulks and yap, whines and complains in a submissive tone when he interacts with Jimin at certain times.

Like when he talked about Jimin not waking him up in that interview, or even the New Jersey Live where he whined and pouted like a broke hearted seven year old and Jimin ended up doing- whatever that was to placate him... that VLIVE still makes me uncomfortable to watch to this day.

You just don't see that level of emotional attachment in Taekook. Their interactions are just that- interactions. Frankly, this moment in Soop is the only meaningful conversation I've heard between them in years.

It is this lack of emotional intimacy between Taekook that disqualifies them from being anywhere near real in my books.

While I acknowledge this lack of emotion amongst them, I wouldn't go as far as to say there's been a cataclysmic decline of their bond or friendship. They are still very much friends, just not intimate friends. Skinship wise, sure. But there is no depth to skinship as I've said.

So if skinship isn't what binds them, what does? Personality, for starters. And I know JK saying he and Tae had different personalities sounded confusing to most.

Jk had called Tae his commonality- this Festa was it? He's described Tae in his profiles over years and in recent times as someone he shares the most personality traits with within the group. He is not wrong.

Personally, I see him as very similar to Tae, Suga and RM in different aspects of their personalities.

I think what he meant by his statement about Tae becoming reserved since their trainee days was that he doesn't find Tae relatable.

You can share the same personality trait with people and still not find them relatable. And I contrast this with his interview with Jimin where JM said he and JK were similar in that they are both sleepy heads and hate to lose.

Jk quickly noted that they both were studying Japanese as well. He acknowledged the similarities between him and Jimin here also. Does it mean he found Jimin relatable?

No.

Jimin said after they both acknowledged their similarities that in spite of this Jungkook didn't seem to like him. Clearly. he too like Tae was feeling a barrier in his relationship with JK.

Jk futher admitted he liked Jimin. So if he liked Jimin and had a lot in common with him what was the problem? Relatability. Jk could relate to JM just as he feels he can't relate with Tae now.

In that interview he described how JM was pretty serious minded who liked to focus on one thing at a time- a trait he said was different and as such perhaps he couldn't relate with.

Isn't it the same song he is singing about Tae now? That Tae is reserved and too serious like Jimin was?

The difference between Tae and Jimin is, over the years and especially in recent times the members have talked about how Jimin seems less serious behind camera. Suga even went ahead to give him an award for this- lol, Suga.

Jimin has changed over the years. He's become more goofy and to JK- more relatable.

Have we all not seen Tae gradually close himself off within the group dynamics? How is it hard to see that that could be something that's impacted his dynamics with JK?

I've already mentioned how Tae has been through a lot trauma enough to shut him off emotionally to anyone but Jimin.

Seeing his two besties coupled up too mustn't be easy either. Exclusivity is one of JK's values and love wants. Jimin's love language dictates you treat him exclusively, differently from others- while this is complementary for them, it very much often leaves them with a tendency for to isolate and exclude others- how do you feel watching them from home? Think that but twice Tae and these other members.

That exclusivity Jikook exudes can make anyone emotionally dependent and attached to any one of them feel left out. And for Tae, I see how he would then want JK to treat him as a friend- as he treats Jimin perhaps. He didn't want to feel left out. Similar to how I said Jimin partaked in the culture of the group in early days because he didn't want to feel like the outsider being the last to join the group.

Jikook's exclusivity tendencies have a way to make him feel further isolated and disconnected from the group.

What it then comes down to between Taekook is the difference in their values and their understanding of intimacy. I think.

I have said, JK is one person emotionally closed off within the group. He used to be physically closed of too and took a minute for him to come to terms with even skinship.

These boys may be from the same cultural backgrounds but they have different beliefs and values and upbringing.

I explained how JK had had to suppress himself, his values and his beliefs especially in the early days in order to be the Maknae of the group and how he's been on a journey to slowly yet drastically grow out of that role and image.

I have explained that even though he does not have a problem with Skinship, he believes couples aren't supposed to cross certain boundaries with others which I said is what jeonlous is mostly about.

So when he said during that conversation, he preferred to keep a certain level of distance from people because he felt that level of proximity could end up ruining relationships, I understood perfectly what he meant. I have always suspected and speculated that about him.

No one BangPD script writer-nim put that in his mouth.

Tae is the opposite of JK in that regard. While Jk is emotionally closed off, Tae is emotionally lose and latches on to people quite easily- aka his attachment to Jimin.

He is among the members of BTS who I think lack emotional boundaries in the group.

Being emotionally close to people and receiving that emotional nourishment is one of Tae's love languages as I've explained in the past. And so I smiled when I heard him talk about how he wanted to feel loved by Army.

Tae lowkey has an anxious insecure attachment style brought upon him by no fault of his in my opinion and I've always felt a similarity between his and jimin's attachment styles in that sense- that constant need for reassurance for one.

While I feel Jimin's anxiousness and need for reassurance is often performative and as such is often exaggerated as part of his idol persona- Jimin does not in reality need reassurace of love from his love interest.

He may appear clingy to some and a bit insecure about his looks, but he doesn't trade his looks for love.

His looks I feel are important to him as long as his career goes. And he tries to look a certain way and obsesses about the way he looks because his looks is a means to longevity and fruitfulness of his career.

His love language is more towards wanting certainty and stability and making him feel like he is the only one.

On the other hand, Tae's need for reassurance sits at the core of him. I don't think it is an exaggeration or a persona at all. In my opinion.

His need for reassurance is born out of an innate fear of losing a connection, a fear of not being loved and a fear of losing love- not to psychoanalyze him or anything. It's just theory.

I've said Tae strikes me as a very melancholic person.

Remember when he faked being an Army to see if an Army was a Solo stan who just loved one member or him also as well- that bit was unsettling and uncalled for. Then during his conversation with JK he talked about how he needed that constant reassurance of love from Army- y'all still think he boo-ed up in there? Alright then.

Loneliness is a bitch. And I understand how he would be driven by an emotional void to connect and attach to people. He really was attached to his Grandmother and having a love connection like that yanked away from him without warning, without proper closure can leave a void behind.

So I see often while he craves to connect he often self sabotages that connection- he does this with Jimin at times, boy can he work Jimin's nerves!

It takes a big heart and a lot of patience to love a person of this nature- and there's only one Jimin in that VMinKook dynamics.

Jk is not good at emotions, can barely work his way through his own much less nurture someone with complex emotions such as that of Tae.

Tae has been working through a lot. Trying to be better. Taekook is just a casualty of Jikook...

I keep saying these boys are human and ought to be viewed, thought of and treated as such. If you want to ship them as characters within the Kpop verse then do that. But don't breach the fourth wall and still think of them as fictional beings.

If any ship is real, then their real lives are bound to affect their dynamics, their desires and influence their needs. It's crazy to turn a blind eye to all of that while uWu-ing your ass off at every cute moment edited and shared to you.

Comparing Tae to JK, JK to me barely expresses a need for emotional attachment to anyone. He is similar to Suga in that sense. It's easier to see who he is emotionally attached to and attracted to than to see his overt expressions emotions.

When you look at all seven you see who JK is emotionally attached to based on how he act around and towards that person. He shows, he doesn't tell. In my opinion.

Tae asking JK to treat him as a friend rather than as a hyung thus to me was his way of asking to JK to connect emotionally. That doesn't mean they weren't close. They were, just not as close as Tae wanted to be.

This is what I meant when I said both him and jimin had tried to break down JK's walls in their early dynamics around debut.

Jimin's approach was to breach JK's physical boundaries but in so doing he had accidentally breached Jk's emotional walls as I've explained in previous posts.

I stated how I felt, perhaps, JM coveted that physical connection between Tae and JK at the time he joined BTS, but it's occurring to me Tae equally perhaps coveted Jikooks emotional connection; asking JK to treat him as a friend- as he treats Jimin?

Now I don't know if that conversation was had before Jimin joined BTS or after so I won't push it.

Regardless, it seems JK putting up those emotional walls with him had led to Tar harboring resentments towards JK- typical of people with passive aggressive tendencies.

Sort of explains all those weird TaegiKook dynamics in the early days of Tae trying so hard to do things to make JK jealous- Do y'all see why I disregard anything that happened between all the members before 2016?

I feel because Tae was young at the time, he didn't have the emotional maturity at the time to deal with a situation like that and coupled with his passive aggressive personality, resentment was bound to build up between them.

This resentment showed itself through his passive aggressive attitudes towards JK- Jimin wants to come, JK is stopping him, then that slight head tilt. Oh, you were given a mission to ignore me? I didn't notice, you ignore me off cam anyway followed by that attitude whatever it was.

In turn, I feel JK along the way started to build similar resentments towards Tae too as response to Tae's coldness and I see how to him Tae would be the problem- to him Tae is the one who had changed and grown distant, reserved in their dynamic- unrelatable.

I feel JK's grudge against Tae leading up to Soop however was because he felt his partner in crime had stabbed him in the back- get out of your imagination. That's not what I'm referring to. Lol. I'll explain in a bit.

But yes, this resentment I feel they were both harboring could probably had further complicated their dynamic and got in their way of achieving true intimacy beyond the skinship- when I tell you skinship is not an indication of intimacy.

You could see this in the way they both were very defensive in their conversation. Whatever had happened, JK had extended an olive branch to have Tae to sit and have drinks with him but Tae had brushed it off.

After this, he's shy to approach Jk to ask him to have a meal with him- Where did it all go wrong, they asked- twelve year olds, that's what they are. Lol.

There was a certain degree of lack of vulnerability in the way they expressed themselves with each other especially on JK's part which I feel leads people to conclude that their conversation was somewhat coerced- It wasn't in my opinion.

I have explained when I was talking about their love languages how I feel Tae in general is very headstrong, almost as strong headed as JK which I feel it's one of the things that gets in their way of achieving true intimacy and I feel that is what we were seeing in that moment during conversation.

I've explained intimacy, true intimacy requires a crucification of pride and a sacrifice of ego without which any intimacy would be superficial. I used VMin's dumpling fight as an example, where I said it took 2 days to two weeks for them to resolve their issue because they were both being strong headed.

It took Jimin's vulnerability and a sacrifice of his ego to reach through to Tae and even that took how long? And this is Jimin, the half blood Hufflepuff, president of the kumbaya fanclub we're talking about-

Y'all think Mr. Let it burn, I'll rather be dead than cool is about to let shit go? - Get some education. It's not in his vocabulary. It's not in either of them's vocabulary. Lol.

While I see these two as both unwilling to bow and submit to eachother, I've see them willfully submit emotionally to Jimin. Where they both fail to be vulnerable with eachother they both eagerly let themselves be vulnerable in this way with Jimin.

So it's not as if they are incapable of being vulnerable with eachother. If Tae's narration of his offer of friendship to JK is anything to go by, it seems he at one point was willing to take the steps to build that level of intimacy needed for their friendship to thrive but JK had barred him.

Tae in wanting to be close with JK the way he(Tae) is close with JM spoke volumes about Vmin dynamics as well. It tell me he doesn't see his bond with Jimin as exclusive. Special, but not exclusive- and we know how both Jimin and JK feel about exclusivity.

Which brings me to JK's perception about VMin.

I don't think JK see's Vmin's friendship as problematic. He just see's their lack of emotional boundaries as problematic and so often you see him try to put up boundaries for Jimin in their dynamic.

To Tae emotional connection is important and an indication of intimacy. That's his love language, that's his value. But how is JK going to open himself up like that to Tae when he sees what Tae and JM have as problematic? When he values and believes emotional connection has to be reserved for an intimate partner?

As explained earlier, exclusivity is a huge deal to JK.

He believes somethings ought to be reserved and exclusive to love relationships. He believed it then, he believes it now and he has consistently lived that belief through his actions throughout the years.

And if this is his values, then imagine his frustration at seeing people cross all sorts of boundaries with his man everywhere he turns- its enough to give anyone a complex, seriously.

When Tae explained that JK refusing to treat him casually as a friend was part of the reason they couldn't be as intimate, JK was quick to point out why he made that decision all those years and from the looks of it he ain't changing his mind anytime soon.

Dude literally said- I said what I said.

JK believes to make his intimate relationship special and to protect the sanctity of it, he ought to put up walls not further indulge in and perpetuate the lack of emotional boundaries within the group.

In this regard, Taekook is a casualty of Jikook, nothing personal. I've said, a real relationship involving JK or Jimin within the group is mutually exclusive to any other ship involving those two. As such all those other ships involving those two are bound to be casualties of Jikook.

In as much as BTS have thrived as a group on the lack of boundaries between them, this lack of boundaries was also ruining some of the members' joy especially JK who believes a certain level of boundary is necessary for a healthy relationship- Soop was very much neccessary.

And I see some Jikookers are claiming, Taekook settled their differences and had that conversation perhaps for Jimin's sake? Chileee- it makes sense if you are looking at things in isolation? But...

I mean Jikook have been dating a long time- six years now, for Taekook to be only now considering the effect of their dynamics on Jimin. If Jimin is whom they were concerned about they would have nipped it in the bud a long time ago especially around the time Jimin was having a tough time in his life. In my opinion.

I acknowledge the role Jimin played in bringing those two together and even believe he is the one that influenced them to take the initiatives they both took separately but no. I don't think they did this for Jimin. They did this for themselves first of all and for the sake of the sake of their careers, and the group.

[Image below. Check end of post if it's missing. Tumblr, Sigh]

I know some people have theorized that JK posted this on Weverse after his live because he was eager to do his next live with Jimin- true, but not only that.

The tension in that live was there but it wasn't there because he was uncomfortable with Tae per se. He has had a live with Tae in the past, has filmed with staff around and so Jeon Jungkook really had no excuse now did he?

Then the shade he threw, I shouldn't try to make anything next time- then proceeds to make gimbap with Jimin in their live while cheesing through it.

I feel his statement about making things was a Jab at BigHit. I told you previously how I felt he didn't want to do the live. That neither he nor Tar wanted to do the live hence BigHit's results to coercion. In my opinion.

BigHit at the time, it seems, was making them do these weird PG13 arts and craft thingy during their heavily monitored lives- it was weird as fuck especially for the audience that have grown used their VLives being a way for them to have intimate moments and conversations with BTS- I dipped out of most of those VLives. Deuces.

Homeboy was protesting because he just wanted to, first of all, have a Vlive alone with Jimin because they hadn't had one in a while- he deadass wanted to sit and stare into JM's soul while the rest of us watched on in silent discomfort and miserable loneliness while we thirdwheeled- This man, I swear to God!

But he also wanted to fight for their right to as a group to do whatever they wanted with little control and interference from BigHit- Independence really is recurring theme in JK's dramas. Lol.

After JK posted those rebellious tweets to out BigHit, Tae followed those tweets with a tweet akin to hold your peace followed by the shush emoji.

On its own it doesn't mean much. But read together with JK's post and the background I've given, it takes on a whole new meaning.

This moment to me was one of those evil twin power activation moments. Tae seemed to be with JK on that, in his own passive aggressive manner.

I talked about how social media was one of the tools they use to fight back against BigHit. Especially, by withholding their presence on social media platforms.

The company needs them to be online, interacting with fans and growing their fanbase. I hear some Idols, not BTs, are allegedly forced to appear on VLives even and social media even.

Yet BTS do that pro bono. So when they feel the company is tripping they exercise their rights to remain off the internet.

So imagine my surprise when Tae was suddenly popping up on Weverse, Vlive, YouTube live left right left!

I was surprised not because it was unusual of him, but because I felt that was contrary to the move he had made in support of JK earlier.

Do I think it is probably one of the immediate causes of the heat between Taekook that they needed to address? Probably.

I mean why else would Tae bring up him spending so much time online in his conversation with JK? How is that a way to bond with JK? Unless, perhaps JK had been pissed he did that and so Tae felt he needed to explain why he did that? Don't mind me. I'm delusional- but deadass.

Now a chunk of that conversation was voiced over so we will never know everything about that moment. And I hope, in the future they both talk about this and give us more details about this.

Both Jk and Tae have had issues with BigHit in the past and when they do they aren't afraid to come at BigHit with direct or passive aggressiveness.

Did y'all see ILand? How Tae took a jab at Bang PD over chicken breasts? How in Rookie King he expressed his resentment at BangPD for not knowing his name?

They are both expressive, assertive and less of a pushover in that way, I feel. They will put up the you can force the horse to the river side but can't force it to drink attitude if pushed against their will.

OTHER THINGS I NOTICED IN SOOP

I mentioned in my previous post how Jikook have been asserting themselves against eachother.

By that I meant, JK has been pushing JM to put up boundaries, treat their relationship with the same level of seriousness he does and not act like an ass kisser within the group all the time- bless him.

Jk used to be that guy who tried to please everyone. He would sacrifice his own happiness if that meant the happiness and harmony of the group. He is very Kumbaya in that way.

While this is noble, often he ended up stepping on JK's happiness because sacrificing his happiness is sacrificing Jk's happiness.

Him being the decision maker in their dynamics, that often means he ends up sacrificing JK's happiness without JK's permission.

To JK, JM would always come first. But Jimin is a bit of a people pleaser. He would consider the effect putting JK first would have on the group before placing him first- lately that has changed.

I feel Jk has been pushing him to careless about people's opinions of him and their relationship- please listen to the lyrics of GCF Helsinki to see what I mean especially whenever Jimin comes on the screen for the longest bar.

Just as much as JK has been pushing JM, JM has equally been pushing JK to be mindful of his possessiveness. While I see Jimin as someone who likes to belong, I don't think he wants to be owned.

So you see him pushing Jk to be social, to spend time with others- fix his issues with Tae for example, read books etc.

I hinted at this dynamic when I talked about Jikook shading eachother. Please check it out.

JK's always asserted himself and wanted to assert himself in the group dynamics and he has always expected that of Jimin as well.

It's no surprising then to see Jimin say no to Tae when Tae asked him to go on a car ride with him and Hobi in Soop episode 06. Old Jimin would have run along, no questions asked.

Jikook have changed. Their relationship dynamic has changed, their individual personalities have changed- are changing and they are changing eachother as well.

It explains why to JK Jimin feels more relatable as we've talked about above. They are changing but are also changing for eachother.

Some of these changes are glaringly obvious, others are subtle and easy to miss if you blink.

For example, Vmin's interaction mentioned above. Notice how Jimin is the outdoor kind of guy but in this instance he chose to stay indoors? Outdoors activities are his thing, indoors activities are JK's thing.

Do you see how Jk is influencing him?

He not only chose the indoors, he also chose an indoors activity that had JK written all over. How should I put this, painting, craft, drawing- those are ravenclaw traits not halfbood hufflepuffs' traits. Know what I mean?

True, Jimin loves these activities too but when you think of him traveling all over the world during their vacation- something I said was a cause of misunderstanding between them in August last year, you'd understand what I mean by JK asserting himself against Jimin.

They are compromising, they are negotiating, they are each embracing aspects of their personalities and accommodating it- you call it domesticity, I call it the aftermath of a trail period in Jikook's journey.

There are a lot other observations I made but this is all the length Tumblr can permit. Love Jikook and Support them.

Signed,

GOLDY

#Jikook #jikook analysis #jikook theories #kookmin #kookmintheories #jikooktheories #kookmin analysis #Goldy #nightswithkookmin #Soop episode 06 analysis #jikook dynamics #jikook is real #support Jikook #jikook lovers #bts ships #bts ship analysis

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forkanna · 3 years

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[AO3] [WATTPAD]

The rest of the morning was spent getting dressed and ready for their day to begin. Rise only had a few of the more cliched touristy things in mind, since she had been planning it out with the whole of the Investigation Team — such as whale watching, or hitting up Okinawa World. Even though none of them were old enough to drink their fabled "snake liquor", they were all for exploring the caves that ran beneath the theme park.

When Ai had asked if she wanted her to return the favour, Rise declined. The truth was that while she desperately wanted to sate her urges, she knew they were both feeling a little out of sorts from all their exploration so far — which was why she thought the downtime would be good. Now they could sort through their feelings while sightseeing, and come back to it several hours later, hopefully having gained some kind of wisdom along the way.

Though there was one small problem…

"Will you stop that?" Ai hissed as she and Rise lingered toward the back of the group climbing the steps to the historical Shuri Castle. Yukiko was definitely the one most interested, but the others didn't mind seeing the notable sites.

"Stop whaaat?"

"Stop trying to grab me by the balls. I tried to tell you, it's not a toy!"

Pursing her lips, she pulled her closer to whisper in her ear, "It's my toy. I'm having a lot of fun with it." But then she dropped back with a giggle. "And we both know that if you didn't want me to, you'd try harder to stop me. But all you have to say is 'You need to stop' again and I'll know you're serious."

Ai pursed her lips… but said nothing. Perfect. She had a feeling she was enjoying the attention, even if not the specific form it took. "Dumb bitch," she said yet again.

"You love meeeeee," she cooed with a grin and a little bounce as they reached the top, leaning over to rest her head against her shoulder. Even though she decided not to grab for her unmentionables anymore, she wasn't going to leave her alone.

"Okay, you two," Yosuke sighed irritably as he laced his fingers behind his head. "I know you two have this whole weird 'bet' going, or whatever it is, but do you have to rub it in for the rest of us who don't have anybody? Like, look at Yukiko and Chie and Naoto; they don't have boyfriends! You're gonna make 'em feel bad, too!"

Apparently, he had thought appealing to their solidarity with other women would be more effective than pleading his own case. But Rise just giggled, because she saw the look Yukiko and Chie shared. Naoto was as stoic as ever… but she thought she noticed Kanji blushing. That would make perfect sense, those two — she just had no evidence they were also a thing.

Poor Yosuke. No chance at love unless Narukami came back, or he decided to give in to-

"WHAT A PRETTY CASTLE!" Teddie burst out in a gushy tone of voice, lacing his fingers together next to his own face as he stared up at the doorways. "Ohhh, can we live here? Pleeeeaaaase?!"

"No," Yosuke sighed very tiredly with no hesitation whatsoever. "And I thought I reminded you a whole damn five minutes ago to keep it down!"

Rise was laughing at that reprimand when her cell phone went off, making much more noise than Teddie ever had been. Holding up a finger, she stepped a little further away from the group to take it.

"Yes?"

"Miss Kujikawa."

After a brief second of surprise, she managed to breathe, "Minoru-chan! What's… I mean, hey!"

Minoru Inoue's stoic voice returned over the earpiece of her phone as she turned away from the group. "I have been trying to call you all morning. Is there an issue with your cell phone carrier? Would you like me to look into the cause of-"

"No, no, it's… it's fine." This was inconvenient, but she wanted to get it out of the way as quickly as possible. "So what's up? I'm out with friends, we're on vacation."

"Yes, about that… I'm going to send you a couple of images. Tell me if you notice anything."

So she pulled the phone back in order to check the screen. Sure enough, within seconds the images were coming in via text, and when they finally loaded…

"O-oh, you saw those!" she laughed as lightly as she could manage despite the way her heart began pounding in her throat. So many pictures! Each one featured her and it behara laughing together, walking hand in hand, arguing… only one or two showed anything that could be construed as romantic, but all of them could have been explained away as friendship if one tried hard enough. "Yep, all according to plan. It's fine! They're fine, don't… don't worry about 'em!"

"Which 'plan' was this? Certainly nothing approved by the label."

"Something I thought of on the spur of the moment. It's so easy for an idol to fade into the background, isn't it? Well… here's me, finding a way to stand out! It'll be great — you'll see!"

"There are already a lot of polarising comments on the message boards," Inoue went on, and Rise found herself glancing around to make sure nobody else could hear her. A couple of her friends — including Ai — were glancing over at her to make sure everything was alright, but they were far enough away they probably didn't catch a word. "Everyone is very invested — for both positive and negative reasons."

"See? It's working!"

"No, you misunderstand, Miss Kujikawa. The label is uncomfortable with your career taking this direction. They're considering severing their association with you."

Rise felt her blood chill in her veins. "They're gonna fire me? Because… I'm dating a girl?" She had considered adding a 'maybe' in there, but decided against it. That wasn't how she wanted to move forward with her life.

"They're considering it. There's no real official position on these matters, but businessmen tend to be more conservative. Even if they like the idea of flash and attention-seeking behaviour because it typically only helps a celebrity's visibility, if it's the wrong kind of visibility, it could eventually reflect poorly on the label itself."

"That's not fair," she immediately shot back. And then her higher reasoning skills kicked back in. "And they already know what a moneymaker my voice and my looks are, that I know how to work it. I'm cute, and I know how to be cute."

"The label wants you to be cute and available," he stressed. "They understand that most of our idols will marry eventually, but they hope to get as many men lusting after the idea of being your boyfriend for as long as possible."

"They're delusional."

"Yes, they are. But that's where the money is."

Sighing, she found a nearby pillar and leaned back against it as she thought about the entirety of the situation. Tried to weigh her options. "Well… okay, so I can ride the scandal for a while, can't I? Like, there hasn't been a lesbian idol. Not that I remember."

"Don't you think there's a reason why you can't remember? Because they aren't encouraged to be out publicly. And if they can't conduct that business in private, then the labels have no use for them."

Anger was starting to overtake her anxiety. "That 'business', huh? Maybe it's not any of their business."

"Of course it is. An idol in this country? Literally every aspect of your personal life reflects on your profession, colours public opinion. You know this as well as I do."

"Well… I don't care. Like, if they really want to cut me loose, they can go ahead, but I think they would really be shooting themselves in the foot if they don't see how this plays out first."

"They're already on point of doing that, Miss. You're already essentially 'retired' and trying to make a comeback. If there were going to be a homosexuality scandal, it would be ideally placed for when you're already riding high on the charts, or are on a slight decline — and even then, it's still very risky. So you should really start thinking about whether or not you want this comeback at all."

"Now you're starting to piss me off," she snapped. "This isn't a 'scandal' or a 'business' or any of that stuff! This is my life! Isn't the whole point for me to be entertaining? I can do that and be with a woman at the same time!" She heard him start to interrupt, but she pushed ahead, "Maybe it's about time Japan had an openly queer pop star, because there sure as hell aren't enough of us! So you can shut the fuck up until you have something a little less caveman to say!"

And she hung up on him. Deep down, she knew she was being unfair to Minoru; he was just trying to do his job, and seeing everything through that public relations lense. But she hated the fact that they were trying to tell her she couldn't even date the woman she wanted to date. Nevermind that she was serious about it, and they all thought this was either a publicity stunt, or just some random person she wanted to hold hands with for five seconds before throwing her away. Everything in the world of light music was so immaterial. She wasn't even sure she really was gay or bisexual or whichever label fit her; why did it have to be so important to everyone when it didn't even affect them?

Looking over at Ai was enough to reassure her that she had done the right thing. Even though she wasn't even paying attention to her at the moment, just looking around the brightly-coloured interior of the castle, she was still just as gorgeous as ever — and she was a woman. The only woman Rise had ever found herself thinking about as not just attractive, but as someone she was attracted to. Every time she tried to examine that and figure out if it was a fluke, she just found herself falling yet harder for the stunning upperclassman. Who wouldn't be? Plenty of boys wanted to be with her, so it was understandable.

Because at least some small part of her was lesbian. Maybe more than a small one.

As she stowed her phone, she took a look at Chie and Yukiko. Chie was cute in a playful, carefree way, and Yukiko was so elegant. Could she be into them? No, not really; she had never thought about them that way in the past and wasn't too inclined to start now. Though if she were to choose…

That was interesting. Her brain instantly whispered, "It would be Yukiko," and she didn't even understand the reason. Was she into girlier girls?! Turning her attention to Chie, she knew she was also appealing in a different way, but something about that extra-feminine… maybe it was because she associated that with Ai now. She and Yukiko were both very put together, even if Yukiko took a simpler approach to her dress and makeup and hair; more traditional.

Weird thoughts. Shaking her head out, she jogged to catch up with the group, putting on a happy face.

"What was that shit all about?" Kanji asked idly.

"Nothing," she said with a big smile, trying to put her best foot forward. "What about you guys? What's this all about?"

After a brief pause, Chie said, "It's… a castle…?"

"Well, um, yes, but are we all having fun? Come on, get excited — we're in Okinawa! Away from our parents and school and all that dumb stuff! Let's have FUN!"

Nobody could argue with that.

~ o ~

Only once they were at lunch did Ai catch up to her and confront her on trying to hide her true feelings about that phone call. After she had related the entirety of the conversation, Ai looked like she would throw her soba and chanpuru at the wall; she even threatened to pick it up and do that very thing.

"Shhh, stop that," Rise half-snickered. "It's not that big a deal."

"It is to me! That fucking asshole thinks he can push you around and tell you who to be?!"

"I know! It's so gross, and invasive, and… I just don't think it's very nice for the label to be breathing down my neck so much!"

Ai sighed as she stirred her noodles distractedly, posture slumping. "But you'd probably better think about doing as they say."

"Huh?"

"Well, you have your entire future to think about, right? I don't want to be the one holding you back. They're gross, but they're probably also just reading the room. They know what it takes to get you where you want to be, and… I ain't it."

A flash of anger welled up within Rise as she picked at her rafute. "No. You're what I need because you're my friend and you make me happy."

"Friend, huh? You do that with all your friends?" When Rise opened her mouth, she held up her hand, chopsticks still between her fingers. "Just messing with you."

"Shut UP, oh my GOD." Then they both laughed very briefly before Rise felt another sigh coming on. "Honestly, I think they're wrong about this. I've checked the online spaces myself, too — don't they think I have? Don't they think I'm better at it than those old crusty guys are?!"

"Tell them, girl!"

"Are you two okay over there?" Chie asked with a little laugh.

"NO!" they both answered, only making both tables laugh. There hadn't been enough space at any one table at the restaurant they found, so most of them ended up at the big one. Ai had volunteered the two of them to take another small one nearby — and Rise now realised the reason was this interrogation.

"Anyway, if they don't want me on the label anymore, that's that. I can find a way to pursue music without them."

Mouth full, Ai just nodded and pointed her chopsticks at her for a second until she swallowed. "YES. The internet is here and it's queer, and they're old guard who are going to die out. Viral videos are really starting to become a big part of how artists get noticed. YouTube and Niconico and stuff. Who even cares about TV anymore?"

"A lot of people," Rise sighed resignedly. "Especially in rural areas — which will also be the same people who don't want to see me dating a woman. Just not kids our age as much as we used to."

"Well… okay, yeah, that's true."

"It's okay, though. The future isn't for old people, it's for us. Me being who I am, dating who I want to date, is part of pushing forward, y'know? Not that I want to be some big activist… I don't know enough about that stuff. Not as much as you probably do. But I'm not going to hide who I am just because some old people tell me I have to; I've done enough of that for a lifetime. Now I just want to figure out the real Rise and love her, and show the world who she is."

Though she had finished and gone back to eating a moment later, waiting for Ai to respond, she never did. So eventually she glanced up to see her simply smiling across the table at her, elbows leaning on its surface as her mascara-laden eyelashes fluttered a little.

"What?"

"Nothing. Just proud of what a bitch you can be when you need to."

"Huh?! I'm not a bitch!"

"It's a compliment, dumbass. Bitches get shit done."

"Oh. Well, um… thank you?"

Ai chuckled at her for a moment, prompting Rise to kick her under the table. Then they both started flicking tiny bits of food at each other from across the tabletop until Yosuke asked what the hell they were doing, prompting a loud peal of laughter from them both. Even though at the time, Rise was mostly worried about her career and whether or not she was making the right steps, she would forever look back on that as a glorious moment she had shared with Ai Ebihara. With her girlfriend.

To Be Continued…

#we'll face ourselves #saphir de lune #forkanna writes #persona 4 fanfiction #p4 fanfic #rise x ai #jess the writer

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