#and i wish that was just a work fear

[semercury]

Existing is literally so scary and I hate it.

#stuff sarah says #had a guy come in and ask me a question and then he says he calls ahead to make sure im here and wont shop if im not #and i just whwhhwhwhwhhw #like hes older and if hes the guy im thinking of (im bad with faces if i dont see them regularly) hes by himself now after his wife died #but i just please dont think about me if im not right there!! #what if i stop working there!! #also im convinced my coworkers hate me or will start to hate me despite having little to no evidence to prove that #my brain is just like ''source: trust me bro'' #im also detecting minor changes in behavior and it scares me bc im insane #like hi you only said 3 things to me this week instead of 4 is it bc you hate me and wish i was never born? #and also just like. ''theyre gonna find out and hate you for it'' and its likr find out WHAT? #the only thing i can think of is its the fear of people finding out my religious/political beliefs bc theyre different from a lot of them #and i wish that was just a work fear #i am positionsd in a way that everyone on any side hates me and its very fun to think about :) #but dont worry!!!! i hate me too!!! and i hate me more and i hated me first so i win!!!!!!!!

[canisalbus]

I say this in the best way, but your characters feel like they're from an obscure but really good piece of media, and you feel like the artist who always draws the two main characters as ghay lovers

.

#that's actually a really flattering thing to hear! #and I get what you mean #every now and then someone mistakes my art as fanart of some piece of media #that they don't recognize but like the art anyway #I wish I had the product to give to you #a graphic novel or a webtoon or a written narrative #I fear there's a hole the shape of the main story in my work #and even though I allude to it and talk about it in the safety of the tags #it's kind of frustrating that you have to piece it together from the scattered bits of lore #instead of reading ~the thing~ digesting it and knowing you have consumed the story in it's intended form #this got a little off track #I think it's so motivating and rewarding that you're interested in my characters to begin with #even in the absence of a proper finalized work of fiction that ties all the art together #answered #anonymous #imagine a reality where they aren't lovers in the canon work but I just ship them really hard #even better if they aren't even the protagonists but some inconsequential side characters #that get two minutes of screen time every other episode and barely ever in the same scene

[bubblepopsims]

~Bunny Bear Madalyn Marie ft. bunny boop

i couldn't pass up on not putting my bun in these accessories by @1-800-cuupid CC set💘Bunny Bop || VENUS💘

and fits perfectly with my naughty innocent Maddi

#ts4 #ts4 simblr #ts4 screenshots #sims 4 #the tribe #my sims #oc: Maddi #oc: Rafael fl0ptrait #bunny bun #also I have to say it XD maddi is thick alright 🤣🤣🤣 and no it’s not fake at all she grew up like that 🤣 #I played maddi and emillie both for Highschool years mhm mhm and it was actually going to be about them but than… BUT THAN I made juju #and it was over 🤣🤣🤣 she had main character energy written all over her #she literally overpowered me and and said THIS is my fucking show alright and these are my friends 🤣🤣🤣 #but anyway yeah so maddi’s mom was thickums too ya know but not like this heheheh I also think it’s because she does go work out with Rafa #yep they are a gym couple #but yeah damn I get it Rafa XD I get it #plus you are a ass man #but you also get the tiddies tooo #you are lucky you fucker and you are being a fuckhead #I wish I was just writing story but no this motherfucker while I played him was just tenseeeeeee #all the time #stressed #than he got the fear of being cheated on and I was just not having it #so him in story was truth for the most part atleast my interpretation of it XD #Kay bye thanks for coming to my ted talk in my tags

[michaels-office-hours]

Growing up hurts

#says the kid that never tried to set boundaries cause ✨I’m the good kid✨ and also ✨fear✨ #and now setting them just…. #isn’t working… #they have boundaries #I cant #cause I never have #why should I now #why can’t I just be the good little thing I’ve always been #why am I so weak and vulnerable now #maybe because I never was #maybe because I’ve been slowly dying #I wish dying was faster #animatronic vent alert

[candyheartedchy]

I’m not gonna lie, as much as I want to interact with fandom blogs and join in on the discussions on my favorite shows and characters, the fact that I might make some of them uncomfortable due to being a self shipper make me anxious and sad.

#i know there’s some that follow me and I’m honored and greatful ❤️ #but honestly when some of y’all first followed me I was scared lol #i know other self shippers probably feel the same way too because we’re TERRIFIED of having fandoms know about our ships and stuff #and it’s a struggle #that’s why I rarely reblog other’s fanart because of this #it’s just you’re watching the fans have fun but your on the sideline too scared to make the first move #i just wish I was move braver to reach out more and interact with folks #but that fear of people knowing about you and your work and judging is real #vent i guess #💬 chy chatter 💬

[expectiations]

i am currently trying hard to remember which friend pointed out that 12 would also inadvertently hurt River the way 11 did. they don't really mean to but with the way they have a hard time reading social cues - and they're still the same person basically. anyways, my dear pudding brain, please let me remember which friend it is so i can go back over our conversation so i can put that knowledge to good use - uh no wait it was Tree :D

#this is literally how my brain works. i need to know A but first I ramble down B then C often jump to S then make a pit stop at U which #somehow leads me back to A. #neurodivergent #musings #that's probably why i soak up knowledge better when i discuss it with others rather than just listen to the professor #the doctor x river song #doctor x river #eleventh doctor #river song #the doctor #twelfth doctor #i wish i'd be able to get officially diagnosed with this but a part of me fears i'd mask so well the test results would come back normal T_

[literalnobody]

Here’s Chapter One as well! It’s all recorded on my phone so don’t expect professional quality :-;

You can listen to the prologue first here!

Chapter 2 here!

Listening time is approx 20 mins~

Sounds used:

[x] [x] [x] [x]

#the water dog #my writing #mine #original work #no dismembered bodies in this part sorry to disappoint #just introducing the protagonist Sybil #again this is an early draft and im open to criticism/comments/observations if you wish to give them #but don't be too mean! because I don't like that :3 #also I've gotten over my wretched voice because I was in a play and had to swallow down my fear of listening to myself #so now you are all to be subjected to my weird hybrid accent

[skunkes]

having struggles with hobbies and enjoyment and creativity again

#thinking about buying more supplies to make more clay things with and like #idk. id never get good anyway but if i got good what would i do? theres only so many smunkers or als or talons i could sculpt #ykwim? #i wish i liked things and i wish i could make things #i liked making something out of clay but i have no ideas #i love printmaking: screenprinting and block printing. i have block printing supplies. i have 0 ideas. #if i woke up tomorrow an art master id still have no ideas on what to draw #its why i havent improved at bgs or composition. bc i dont draw it because i dont know What to draw #wrt symbols and icons and colors and such #ykwim... #my whole life is just. i like thing so much. i wish i could do it too but im stuck outside looking in thru a window. i wish #i could participate. its not enough to like it i want to do it too. but i cant...! #if i were any good at art id make a piece out of this. out of all my other feelings. but i dont know how to make work that Means anything #its just. technical show of skill. no feeling. no meaning. nothing. i cant make anything #i always talk about how I fear finding a partner bc what would I have left to draw? #i am not an artist. not really. #and if I am i got the worst luck and the worst brain for it. defective. #talkys

[swimminginwatercolors]

Okay.

Why tf does the Knights of Favonius in Genshin Let lil ol Albedo hang out in Dragonspine?

Like, He's found corrupted blood and stuff, and they need SOMEONE to research that stuff, but like-

THATS HIS BROTHER!?

WHO WAS CORRUPTED!?!?

WHY LET ALBEDO HANG AROUND THE STUFF THAT MESSED UP HIS BIG BRO!?!?!?!?!?

#genshin impact #albedo #dragonspine #WHEN ALBEDO DESTROYS MONDSTADT ITS NOT HIS FAULT #THEY LET HIM DO THIS #Here Albedo have some cursed artifact #do do do what could go wrong? #EVERYTHING #Fun Fact! Albedo doesn't show up in the main story ONCE #BUT HE WAS FINALLY NAME DROPPED AT THE END OF ACT 5 IN FONTAIN #He also has one of the most voice lines in the game #I've mained him since the day he came out #My Albedo has over 3k Defense #All be friends fear him #I finally C4 him #I had like 150 wishes saved up #Klee was my first 5 star #I've been working on his build for physical years #Albedos flower thing when he puts it down does 20K #Wanderers burst breaks it and doesnt listen to the “Every 2 seconds” and it just SPAMS the 20k

[izzyliker]

like izzy reaching out to cup ed’s cheek is an uneasy moment because it’s an intimate one, i’ll give that person that! this is their “kiss” in a way, where izzy reacts to ed choking him not with fear or anger but with longing and soft touch! he leans fully into it! like it’s unsettling because we’re watching from the angle of ed, who is upset and doesn’t feel this tenderness at all, but like, izzy is not mocking him or trying to make him feel violated or whatever, he’s trying to reciprocate what he processes as a vulnerable moment that isn’t that at all. ed lets go and steps away when izzy reacts not with anger or submission but by trying to explicitly reaffirm their commitment to one another, which ed doesn’t want to be the takeaway of the convo, bc ed is trying to reestablish himself as izzy’s superior (he’s literally his boss lol) and not as his equal. izzy leaning to cup ed’s cheek is a gesture that Not only is reminiscent of the jesus judas cheek kiss but also a very familiar, soft thing in response to violence. izzy isn’t scared of ed presumably because he feels that they have a bond beyond all of that. it’s also a pretty common trope (lovers touch to snap a person out of violence or whatever) that shows the bond between the characters not like, that one of them is sexually assaulting the other one by touching their face lol

#to me this also kinda implies that izzy not showing any fear or respect is partially why ed comes back to mutilate him later #bc it didn’t work the way he wanted it to #or he didn’t really know what exactly he wanted there and had to think about it #he just knew that whatever izzy was trying to initiate wasn’t what he was looking for #like imo up until that moment where ed lets go and izzy looks lost and upset i think izzy thought they were just having one of their usual #arguments and he was going to end it by initiating physical closeness #bc they fight but usually make up. as per ep4 #idk! lolz #best wishes gargoyle king

[welcometogrouchland]

[ID: three digital illustrations based on episodes of the owl house. The first image is based on Understanding Willow and features Amity and Inner Willow. Amity looks at Inner Willow regretfully, holding a hand to her chest, as Inner Willow stands surrounded by pink fire, yelling at Amity with steam coming from her eyes. Lyrics are written crookedly across the background: "I'm not here for your entertainment/your the kinda guy that likes some fun/am I just here for a bit of amusement?/you'll never be my NUMBER 1!!!".

The second image is based off For the Future and features Willow and Hunter. Hunter hugs willow, his face obscured, as she sobs and vines glow green around them both. The lyrics this time are written more neatly in the middle of the image and read "are you bored?/or are you scared?/what happened to secrets we shared?/ Did I say something/? Have I crossed the line?/you know I never meant it/when I said I was FINE!".

The final image is both drawings on one canvas with no lyrics. Each image has a dark blue background. End ID]

Thinks about Willow's repressed emotions and eats glass. Cutely (song is Con Man by The Tuts!)

#the owl house #toh #willow park #amity blight #hunter toh #hunter noceda #(aw i haven't used that one in a while :')) #Understanding Willow #For the Future #i have to go shower so i can't add tag commentary rn all i can tell you is RRRAGH GO LISTEN TO THAT SONG AND GET FEELINGS ABT IT LIKE ME #I'VE WANTED TO MAKE THIS FOR WEEKS AND I FINALLY GOT AROUND TO IT #i wish you could see hunters face but it just didn't work with the proportions so i had to live with that #SAD. ah well there's other blonde boys (<- cruel joke abt grimwalkers) #not about him though. it's about willow #i think (and this is a big maybe) once I'm done my rewatch of s2A (and the frog show cause I'm rewatching that too) #I'm gonna rewatch EVERY willow ep right before ASIAS and then go from there #she's special she deserves it #same way i might rewatch the gus episodes before Labyrinth Runners. it's just a little ritual i have sometimes :] #anyway. oooooh you want to appreciate willows repressed rage and fear and sadness soooo bad #also I'M SORRY IF THE HAND LETTERING IS BAD FONTS JUST LOOKED TO GOOFY. I'M TRYING BARE WITH ME

[baladric]

therapist trying to help me feel calmer about the pressure of being a full-time teacher this summer as a person with an increasingly low masking/communication threshold, her like "i have observed that when i ask a lot of people on the spectrum when they've felt most alive, there's a fairly frequent response that it happens while they're giving lectures on topics they know about, because of the guaranteed space to exercise their minds and interests—does that resonate with you?" and i had to be like absolutely fucking not, i hate public speaking, nothing makes the mean old man in my head louder on the Hating Myself front, no matter how confidently learned i am on the topic at hand, the two key things that make me feel Alive™ are singing in operas or full concerts, and receiving feedback from people who've had emotional reactions to something i wrote, and my therapist was like "ah... Well" like yes 40 hours a week of teaching children is probably going to be a very bad and possibly harmful job fit, unfortunately i need money desperately

#she is also on the spectrum and was speaking from personal experience too #and i'm like man i Wish i had that brand of the thing #unfortunately my various traumas have amplified the autistic fear of being misunderstood by 1000 #so talking for long periods of time to Anyone about Anything is an exercise in managing panic responses about being yelled at #it's not even stage fright either!! like i'm fucking fine in front of a packed opera house for any other goddamn thing #it's just having the workings of my own thoughts exposed to external assessment in a live real-time situation

[inkykeiji]

>.<

#tw clari overshares #i really need to start making new friends on here and being more active #but the issue is just the mere *thought* of that fucking terrifies me #just typing out that single sentence has my heart pounding and my hands shaking and my stomach churning #i really wish i was kidding or over-exaggerating #i want so badly to make new friends and be active in a little community on here again #but i’m so so so scared #(of what?????????? of what!!!!!!!!!!!) #bring me back to 2020 clari who talked to people despite the anxiety and was so damn active and was having an absolute blast!!! #what happened to her!!!!! #she got really sick i guess #it’s crazy like sometimes i just scroll through my archive and i can SEE it #i can see myself getting sicker and sicker and withdrawing more and more #feeding into the fear and letting it win #and now i’m here #in this hole that i’m going to have to claw myself out of IN SPITE OF the terror i feel #i miss being a part of this community so much #i miss being able to post little drabbles willy nilly and not having breakdowns over them not being perfect #NOT obsessing over my own work and flaws it may have #i miss having fun #YES my writing is extremely important to me and YES i want to one day write for a living in some capacity #but since when did that mean i had to cut everyone off??? seclude myself in a protective little bubble??? #the only person who can fix this is me #(obviously hahaha) #it’s about time i put on my big girl pant(ie)s and faced that fear head on #i’m so sick of it dominating and controlling so much of my life #why did i let it take something so fucking important to me??? #i have to end it!!! #if u got this far in the tags: thank you and i’m sorry for venting #i just feel like i NEED to say this

[allgremlinart]

having to wait years and years for any scrap of new atla content vs constant new dc content but its mostly horrible... ultimate monkey's paw

#like I'll wait a decade and change for the next avatar show they're making. like I can wait for that. #I WISH I could like... just wait longer and end up with better Batman comics but the industry doesnt always work like that I fears...

[hiphopcherrrypop]

they are even in my subconscious… sick and tired 😭!!!

#bucchigiri?! #i woke up and LUNGED for my phone + started typing in ewhatever in notes was open #which was stocking job stuff so sry for the grocery list oops! #if i can secure 4 day work schedule instead of 5 again maybe i will storyboard this based on my memory LOLLL... #but if not i fear i will not have time bc i back to school now #the kabedon was in some place with no one else liek what are yall doing alone in there anyways🤔 #the jabashiri hagure hand holding had like slomo zoom frame of their hands before switching to full shot im cryyying #my sleeping mind is genius i guess #i wish i remember what was the setting of their trip besides brief stop in weird liminal space airport room #if i draw this i'll prob just go BEACH TRIPPP even tho geographically idk that that makes sense #i will have to fill in mental gaps im glad i wrote some stuff down at least #they were out of school uniform but i dont rly remeber anyone's outfit except mahoro had a cute summery dress ^_^

[digitalmidnight]

The Mouse Prince

Tom and Jerry, Swan Princess Au

Once upon a time, there was a king named Merlin who ruled a large and mighty kingdom. And yet, he was sad. What once had been a large family had been dwindled down to two by the evil sorcerer Rutherford. Him and his baby cousin, Jerry. 

On the baby’s first birthday, Kings and Queens came from all around to offer their gifts to Jerry. Among them was King Terrance and his chosen heir, Tom. 

I completed a fic and so will be uploading it on an actual schedule this time! 8 chapters, 1 chapter for every Friday remaining this year. It will be around 20k words completed (more or less depending on any editing I do)

Additional, rambling notes underneath Read more

So I rewatched Swan Princess and thought "Hey wait what if this instead" and it spiraled out of control into this fanfic. With Tom and Jerry of course.

There's technically no original characters in this! When the fic is completely posted, I'll make a list of the characters and where they came from. I did consider making the evil sorcerer to be the witch from Tom and Jerry and the Lost Dragon, but I didn't. Oh, well.

At first, I wanted to tag it as OOC. Now "out of character" is very hard for Tom and Jerry because, being honest here, I could probably justify almost every personality or relationship for them by cherry-picking episodes. I had to change Jerry in this fic from Odette's character to more based around himself in the 1992 movie. Tom, however, wasn't based on anything. If anything, I wrote him based on him from my detective fic, which does make him OOC. Then there's the fact they talk SO MUCH. Like, way too much for Tom and Jerry. Ultimately, I decided not to tag OOC because I could see them doing the actions at least.

So, to write this, I downloaded a transcript of the dialogue as a guide. However, I still had to create a vast majority of the dialogue. For starters, I changed character's personalities from their original characters, so there were several "HE WOULD NOT SAY THAT" moments I had to change. Then, there were several changed plot points, which meant I was making up a large portion of the ending's dialogue. For instance, Jerry is the one to come with the ideas, unlike Odette, who just kinda followed everyone else's lead. I had to make dialogue for when there was music, as this is not a musical fanfic. Then the small changes spiralled, and I had to make up almost every line of dialogue by the later chapters. This was overall pretty good practice for knowing where the plot goes, but needing to write the dialogue to get there.

This was cathartic as I fixed almost all of my personal plot issues with this movie from when I was a kid. Except for the fact I did remove every woman. Oops. I need to write a Tom and Jerry fic that passes the Bechdel Test one day.

I am working on the other 2 fics. About 5-6 chapters of this fic = 1 chapter of the other two. I haven't posted for practically a year! Oops!

#tom and jerry #tom x jerry #fanfic #Im sorry i swear i was working on the other fics too #this one was just so much faster because it's about 80% dialogue #and the plot was already practically written for me #and Im back in Tom and Jerry hyperfixation hell so they are fighting in my mind 24/7 #i wish i could schedule chapters on ao3 I set reminders on my phone but i fear I will forget #tom and jerry fic