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sneakydraws · 10 months

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Ok so! As per the wishes of @chernychnyi and others and also myself, here's a little analysis/rant about the boreo front bottoms lyricstuck thing I did. Because of tumblrs 30 image limit I had to fuse some of the frames and also couldn't fit in the unused frames I really wanted to mention - so those will get plonked down in a separate post I think. Ok let's roll

To begin with, the pov - I didn't exactly plan ahead on this regard, I kind of just listened to the song and experienced visions of tgf scenes to go along with the lyrics, but once I picked this project back up after half a year of letting it sit in my procreate files I definitely saw a sort of narrative form around it. Most of what I had was very much from Boris's pov and about Theo. The tone was sort of protective, sort of desperate, sort of penitent, sort of possessive? I'll elaborate on it later but I basically ended up exploring a lot of the ambiguous or unhealthy elements of the boreo dynamic, and realising that when I was maybe 70% done made me lean more purposefully into that angle in the remaining frames. So for example in this frame, even though they're both indisputably wiry and broke down, I choose to make this about Theo because Boris is the worldly, knowledgeable survivor to Theo's harrowed newcomer. There's a fragility to Theo that's less visible, and maybe less present, in Boris.

Like in this line, which has a great air of warning or instruction to it, like the singer is trying to brace their friend for what's to come. I actually struggled hardcore with this frame! Because I knew I wanted this image of Theo reaching toward the surface of the pool, but it arguably made more sense in the "jaws theme song on repeat" lyric (since it's Boris pulling Theo down)... I ended up sticking it here because I wasn't sure what else to replace it with but I think it's kind of a happy mistake because it right off the start showcases the dichotomy in Boris and Theo's relationship and its more toxic aspects - Boris pulling Theo down visually in one frame, but promising to help him swim in the lyrics in the next.

I don't think it came through so well but I wanted the previous panel to have a bright sun streaming light through Theo's fingers, and the blazing desert sun in this frame to echo that - the sun as the element of danger, Boris's opposite. The positioning of light as danger and shade as safety is a trope I sometimes drift towards in queer narratives and it definitely goes back to that heartbeat short film I didn't even like that much...

Maybe my all time favourite scene to depict with teenage boreo - Boris dragging a dead drunk Theo off the street... I love it because it's so rarely we see Boris be the responsible one, the one doing what's Supposed to be done

I really wish I'd had the time and the motivation to spruce this up really well because in some points I envisioned really clearly the kind of transition I'd want to have... I would have loved for the camera to swoosh down and do a little overshoot into this frame, so some of the dynamic of the punch is carried into the visuals. Oh well! Apparently this line (like the song itself) is actually about heroine usage, but here it's Larry and Theo - I feel like a snakebite is an apt metaphor for this punch, with its sheer unexpectedness

The nightmare comfort is a must have of course... I was kind of afraid I was repeating myself with how often I use this kind of scene with this exact framing ahahaha

Massively difficult shot to pull off because I wanted the distortion to be prominent and for Boris and Theo to be really small in the frame but for it to still be mostly readable!! Anyway this is their weird drunken hookups, which I think fit this line not because secret teenage hookups are inherently evil or anything but like. I do think the way they're never ever addressed and the shame associated with them in Theo's narration give them a definite air of unhealthiness. A red flag... A warning sign, if you will

I actually think at one point the drunken teenage sex went here, with the undertone being that Boris realises there's something wrong about it but doesn't stop anyway? But that's kind of muddled, and the much more obvious choice is the theft of the painting. And the "amount to take/reasons to take more" plays well with Boris's habit of stealing random shit from Theo already before moving on to the big fish

The reunion! I play Boris as catching on well to the inauthenticity and comphetness (as well as comp-normie-ness) of Theo's little life - and reminiscing, I suppose, on how unsurprising it is that he'd end up pulled in this direction, trying to run away from the trauma and shame of his real self. There's also a little guilt here on Boris's part, a little bit of a feeling of culpability - carried over from the theft of the painting and the never-addressed sex, and echoed in a second in the guilt or regret of letting Theo leave like he did, betrayed and deceived.

This line maybe doesn't ring one hundred percent true because neither of Theo's Vegas guardians really gave enough of a shit about him to "pray he would change", but they do judge and shame him occasionally for his weakness, his trauma and so on, so I think it works. And (although I had to push this line onto Boris's frame simply to have an excuse to show his face) they "close their eyes" to Theo's real self and the sheer horror of his experiences... Hm

Of course Theo cuts his own hair and sends himself away before anyone else can but you know. Too perfect of a fit

Definitely my favourite and cleverest moment - theo "stops by Boris's house", i.e.by their common home, the night he escapes... Boris begs him to stay (another day so he can get the painting)... And the omitting of "I love you but" from Theo's written dialogue, with the massive conspicuous gap in the word bubble, was something I thought of early on. The unsaid "I love you"? Too fucking good not to exploit. And NGL it feels good to be like ooohoho I'm not just matching visuals to existing lyrics, I'm manipulating them to fit my own narrative and engaging in a dialogue with the lyrics or whatever... Hehe

This is the scene where Boris announces he'll run away and Theo immediately says he'll come with. But the important thing to note is that I found out about different shoelacing techniques and made Boris ladder lace his jungle boots

This and the previous lyric, although the visuals show two different scenes, both relate to Theo's apprehension about how following Boris around will surely lead to no good, especially without a plan. Boris through the lyrics is saying don't worry about it, we'll figure something out!

Umm so I drew this with lighting speed as I was editing the whole thing lollll I totally forgot about the instrumental parts and just how LONG they were... I needed something to fill up the space ahahaha. But it's vaguely supposed to hark back to the scene after Mr pavlikovsky beats up Boris, what with the bottle of vodka and the bloody nose and the unconcerned laughter

The pool frolic! Very appropriate. We've got the obligatory moon cameo, and I made sure the pool and the sky were the same stark shade of black so it feels like boris and Theo are hanging between two equally real worlds, plunging into the starry night...

I just remembered that Boris's bracelets pop in and out of existence a lot ahahaha oops! But this is of course essentially the same scene as the "it's gonna look like mud" lyric, only more literal this time. Admittedly this lyric is moreso from Theo's pov, which is a bit out of place here although I do play around with the pov a little later

One of the first frames I'd envisioned I think! I mean come on. And a great example of how the singer really emphasises certain words, so I punch them up a bit by capitalising them

This was actually a struggle because Boris is such an action oriented character - the stupid shit he says doesn't actually have that many consequences! But eventually I thought it would be fitting to show one of the scenes where a semi malicious joke or a mostly innocuous remark activates Theo's internalised homophobia - i ended up going with his comment about Hobies letter.

More timeskip normieness! The spark and look of Theo's I consider artificial, like the flash of the cameras poised to capture the kiss between the engaged couple's, and the look hidden behind the anime shine of Theo's glasses... I could have spent more time showing that but I'll be honest this was one of the last lines I had to illustrate and I was getting impatient. The "I will not be brave" was a tricky one - I kind of wanted it to relate to Boris's selfishness maybe, in taking Theo away from his fiancée? Like, he will not do the noble thing by stepping away and instead Will try to drag Theo back into his life... Though that itself is motivated by a sort of penitent guilt

Again, Boris trying to find a space for Theo in his life - maybe Theo can work for him! Or with him! Anything, god, just forgive me!

I'm a little annoyed because I remember having a good idea for these lines and then I forgot it!! But with this I ended up gesturing vaguely to some reasons why Boris acts like he does - taking control of the life seemingly subject to his dad's whims and work travel, rebelling by imitating his father's worst habits - something something the paradoxical repulsion towards his father and need to imitate or one-up or outdo him...

For a while these lines were both on Boris's back as he stands in front of Hobie's shop. Then I ended up splitting them in two, but they're the same theme - Boris taking responsibility for his actions and trying to atone for his betrayal of Theo. First by tracking the painting down and coming, drenched, to inform Theo of his progress (that scene is one of my favourites between theo and Boris actually) and then by desperately running after the boy when it seems he might carry it off and destroy it forever (another favourite because it showcases Boris's desperation to earn back Theo's trust).

Also, didn't fit it here but the second instrumental section has Theo's face on it - to make a set with the earlier Boris drawing, and they're opposites because Boris's eyes aren't visible while Theo's are the only part of his face visible, and Theo's worried frown suggests that he sees through Boris's jolliness somewhat, and also! It signals a switch to Theo's pov for the final few lines!

Another line that leapt out at me from the beginning - xandra's ominous yet oddly romantic prediction that Theo will follow Boris wherever, even to a prison cell. This is actually kind of funny because initially I thought a twin sized mattress was a mattress for two - and I connected this to xandra's belief that Boris and Theo will always be a set of two, connected at the hip. It wasn't until I googled the lyrics and read the genius annotations that i realized it was the exact opposite - but luckily for me, the connection still kind of works? Maybe not so well for this panel but for the next two for sure:

Like, my initial thought was that they were both cursed to sleep on a two-person mattress alone, with an empty space next to them - but the literal half-empty double bed can also work as a metaphorical single bed, so... Win? And of course there's complicated messaging going on because, like, their sharing a bed is simultaneously something too adult for their teenaged friendship and something from their childhood to haunt them into adulthood, causing them to never "graduate" into a typical adult relationship no matter how hard Theo tries... And the "somebody's attic or basement" fits in with Theo settling in to weltys bedroom... And of course Boris sleeping in Theo's bed after xabdra takes pity on him, an idea I'd touched on before... Not to mention the "let's go home" "home?" "My place. Whatever" exchange that I loooooooooooveeeeeee

And the final frames! I had to consult @frozenladybug for some storyboarding help because while I knew what theme I wanted I couldn't think of a scene... The idea is that Theo will forever be haunted by his past - hence the nightmares - but that now Boris is there to support him, happy end. Flb came up with the "standing by the window" idea which I love because!!! First of all, dawn is breaking, which signals the end of the troubled night but also brings forth the antagonistic sun - almost as a symbol of the night of Boris and Theo's early relationship, dark and dangerous but full of an odd camaraderie and haunted by the Boriscoded moon, ending. But what comes after that night is a different relationship, with its own challenges but maybe changed for the better... And in this scene Boris comforts Theo by physical contact and a cup of tea (hehe) instead of the desperate clutch of their early years - less intense and physical but maybe healthier and less codependent? I'm kind of freestyling but there's something there. I had thoughts during this project about how Boris calming Theo after his nightmares is almost more parental than romantic and how it allows Theo to cling to boris one-sidedly and how it might change with time... Idk, some personal musings played a part as well and it's definitely a reach but that's what was on my mind. Either way, happy bittersweet boreo ending and lemme go and make that rejected drawings post real quick now

#the goldfinch #boreo #theodore decker #boris pavlikovsky #abuse tw

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hotchocolatefanfics · 2 months

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Hi I really loved your fanfics they are so interesting and quirky! I hope you continue to write and explore those ideas and your writing in general. I can empathize with your sentiments about your dad, my father also passed away a few years ago and IK what you mean by being angry with the world and its continuous pace. I really resonate with your statement about being angry about how the world can keep moving when your father is not in it. I really love the PoTA films as I also used to watch them with my dad as well! A question I guess I have for you is if the movies could be played out differently how do you think Koba could be reformed? In other words if things were different how do you think Koba’s story could have gone? Do you think he could ever be written as a reformed character? Thank you for reading and my sentiments and condolences go out to you ❤️

Hello, and thank you! I’ve really grown to love angst and romantic themes since writing PoTA fanfics so I hope to explore them in the PoTA world soon. I’m sorry about your dad too. It feels weird that things keep happening without him there, doesn’t it? I hope re-watching the PoTA movies remind you of good times with your dad as they do with me.

And now for your question!

If there were to be any reform in Koba, something would have to change his mind about humans. Thanks to Rise and the Firestorm book, we get a very in-depth idea of Koba’s backstory leading up to his escape in Rise. We know that Koba faced years of abuse and torture at the hands of humans which caused his deep hatred of them to begin with (which I think we can all agree is valid but still).

Koba rarely encountered a friendly human during this time and when he did they didn’t stay long enough to show him kindness that could have changed his mind. Because of this, Koba has a very narrow view of humans. The ‘all humans are evil and dangerous and must be killed’ mentality we saw in Dawn.

He was willing to listen to Caesar and express his concerns to him but I don’t think this could have been enough to change Koba’s mind (like even if Malcolm and the humans never entered the forest, I do not think anything Caesar said or done would have convinced Koba otherwise).

Basically, the only way Koba could have changed his mind about humans was if one of them were to show him kindness. For example, what he were the one who got sick instead of Cornelia and Ellie helped him? It doesn’t have to be Ellie specifically, but something serious would have to happen to Koba and he’s put into a vulnerable state and the only one to help him is a human for him to actually see that humans aren’t all bad.

This isn’t necessarily a solid theory because, for all we know, Koba could very likely still try to kill all humans and just spare that one who helped him but this just means it would have to be more than one human involved (like maybe a few humans and some of the apes). Even if this does happen, Koba would still have to actually chose to change and do what he can to stop the war from happening.

Plot-wise, I do not know how something like this would have fit in the movies but I could see it easily extending into Revelations (where Koba’s followers sort of picked up with where he left off-mainly Red, Grey…(other apes who’s names I can’t remember at this moment lol). Before War was released, there was some idea of bringing Koba back (that he somehow survived his fall) which could be utilized for this as well but it all depends on how much of the original plot you want to keep or change and what actually happens to Koba.

There’s actually a really good fanfic called Dawn of War on FanFiction that explores all this beautifully. To briefly explain it with no spoilers, Koba isn’t the one who started the war but is involved (sorta) in it’s creation and has a solid redemption arc. I highly recommend it if you haven’t read it!

#pota #planet of the apes #planetoftheapes #dawn of the planet of the apes #koba #reboot pota #pota ask #Ask

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scorndotexe · 4 months

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the thing is that Midsommer could have been really really good but it did indeed fall flat in some ways. there's a few really strong visuals that had me wishing for certain other aspects to be explored that surrounded more of her grief as opposed to "ooo cult creepy". the way the cult handled grief was something to feel and transform you but that wasn't concrete enough to really feel for the majority of those seeing the movie including horror fans (I think this movie suffered a lot from non horror fans seeing it and making it into something it wasn't tbh). Dani comes to us as a girl who lost her whole family due to depression and now she is untethered trying to cling to a boyfriend who is just some douche but ultimately is just that. the uncaring world she came from vs a world that offers "unity" where she can grieve and have everyone stop to grieve with her like we all wish could happen when losing a loved one. there is your core of the movie but it became so muddled with all this other drawn out "oooooo isn't this WEIRD???" that you cease being able to focus on the legitimate issues of what I do believe Ari was wanting to display. the horror is in a grieving girl being able to be taken advantage of because you have a murder cult offering her what those around her will not. the inherent selfishness of those in her life in "the real world" leads her to seek solace in the world of the cult and she ultimately excuses the cruel physical violence because they didn't give her emotional violence, hence the tragedy of her character and why you are left conflicted at that final scene of her smiling because it is supposed to be a tragedy.

anyway if the story had been more focused I think it would have been excellent but it rambled a lot in the middle. still worth a watch tho for some deam sequences and the crying scene that means more built up feeling bad for her. idk I'd give it a 5-6/10. not as good as Hereditary by a long shot but still interesting enough and I think he has a good eye for constructing scenes.

ALSO I think it is really telling that he wrote it after a break up. like I wanted a different movie with the nuggets there does that make sense? like I didn't want it to be what he did with it I wanted the focus on something else

god you're the one who should have written this film not ari aster who apparently thinks the ending is a happy, triumphant one. i think i agree with you overall, it could have been way more compelling if it focused its themes on grief and how easy it is for cults to prey on the vulnerable.

maybe if it knew what it was trying to say it wouldn't feel like some kind of trauma porn film

#it also doesn't help that it's genuinely incredibly boring #i don't think i'd give it higher than a 4/10 but i understand what you see in it and i respect it #and there's a reason i don't give number ratings #asks

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transmutationisms · 1 year

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just read through your yellowjackets takes and i really resonated with your thoughts about it + why it feels so conceptually hollow (i think it’s an perfect 2023 tv show in that it’s a hollow exploration of girlhood with no substance to it) but i was wondering if you’ve seen bones and all + if you have any thoughts on it? the book was solidly bad but i the adaptation to be an incredibly beautiful movie visually, and while i think its understanding of what it actually has to say about cannibalism is shaky at best (i really think the movie did the best it could with the source material) i felt like its translation of cannibalism into a language of desire and violence thus linking them together was incredible. sorry this is so long winded but i feel like you’d have interesting things to say about it if you’d seen it!

i agree that 'bones and all' has a central problem of not knowing what it's trying to say with its cannibalism. there are a handful of different things going on, where it's alternately a metaphor for love, appetitive desire, hereditary 'mental illness,' addiction, and poverty. that's a lot. although you could theoretically do something interesting with virtually any of these—for example, there's an established literary tradition of using explicit cannibalism as a stand-in for implicit homosexuality or incest, both angles the film gestures at—if you actually tracked the metaphor as used in 'bones and all,' you would immediately run into the issue that its cannibalistic hunger is inborn, inescapable, and inherited. i don't really see a way to use this premise without just producing essentialist discourses about whatever theme you choose to lean into, which is at best boring and at worst reactionary.

there's definitely some attempt to explore the idea of violence-as-love, or vice versa, which is not uninteresting to me (<- guy who just read the locked tomb series) but i think is at its best in the flashes we get of parental violence, esp with lee's father. there's also an essay you could pull together here about 'bones and all' and cormac mccarthy's 'the road' as interpolations of the american travelogue that ultimately fail to transcend the epistemic parameters of the genre in any way. ultimately this is largely because they invoke cannibalism as signifying a loss, breakdown, or absence of civilisation, but they seem to have limited and varying degrees of awareness a) that this is what they're doing, and b) that this means grappling with a whole set of colonialist discourses that consequently pretty much go unremarked on.

i did like some of the cinematography, although it must be said that the dialogue struggled (like, how many times did a character say "i don't want to talk about [x]," only to be asked one follow-up question and then launch into an expository monologue about [x] lmao), which didn't do the actors any favours. i don't know the source material so maybe this is just inherent to it, but to be honest, i kind of think the whole lee/maren romance was the least interesting part of the film and the focus on it just ended up getting in the way of any more substantial thematic development in the script.

#bones and all

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 1 year

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so like... apparently jimin's like crazy is based on one of his favorite movies. for some reason that made me feel disappointed. i know i shouldn't be talking before the full track is out but i have a feeling the "content" of the track will disappoint me. because i feel that jimin is already distancing himself from what the lyrics/meaning may express by attributing it to a movie he enjoys. also he keeps talking about the pandemic. i thought this album spanned these last two/three years and not just the pandemic but he keeps referring to it. it's like a shield. like if he says he felt depressed or alone or lost it all can be blamed on the pandemic and its effects because it's safer that way. i don't know i really hope i'm wrong. i just feel him so defensive all the time...

Why is it so difficult to just wait? Why?

There's so many ways in which someone can take an inspiration from books, films, you name it and still make it their own in their work. Maybe just the theme, or one aspect from it that somehow speaks to what the artist is trying to convey through their own lyrics. The work gets transformed and even seeing how that happens can be a fascinating process to explore. Did the use of the Rilke poem took away from Jimin's own thoughts and feelings about what freedom means to him? I personally don't think so. In actuality, it only enhanced and deepened the meaning.

Intertextuality and taking inspiration from other works can be quite complex and not as straight forward as you might think, or how the fandom is currently positioning itself over this piece of information. I'm already seeing people watching that movie and thinking that it's some direct clue over Jimin's personal life. Which is a simplistic view, to say the least, but I can only imagine the discourse getting more traction once the song is out.

My point is, can we just not nitpick and pull apart every single element and complain about it without being able to look at the full picture or go beyond a basic layer of understanding?

And yes, he keeps talking about the pandemic because the album reflects that period in someone's life. And yes, the word might be used as an umbrella term when one doesn't want to get into details over everything that happened during that period. Or maybe it's used as an excuse for other issues, part of some defense mechanism. I think we should look at ourselves first in relation to that period of time and maybe we can understand better where he might come from. I know I do because I also use the pandemic as an excuse for a lot of stuff. But beyond all that, let's wait to hear the album first, ok?

#bmt asks #jimin #jimin like crazy #jimin face #jimin solo album

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priestessofcreation · 1 year

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My idea for F3 was actually a more elaborate plot built off of Life’s Too Short!

The centerpiece of the movie would actually be a fight between the sisters. The effects of Arendellian colonialism on the Enchanted Forest and Northuldra could be explored further. Details would be fleshed out obviously. But perhaps the sisters start off in their respective regions.

Anna, of course, loves Arendelle and being queen. She loves the diplomatic mission between the Northuldra and Arendelle. But she missed Elsa and she wishes her sister was still here, despite her joy for her sister’s happiness.

Elsa has been in the Enchanted Forest and has grown more sympathetic to the Northuldra’s perspective. She could have a budding relationship with Honeymaren. She may even feel more like herself here than she ever has in Arendelle (with the argument that her magic and creativity is at its best in balance with nature). The Northuldra are working with Arendelle… but they remain skeptical, rightfully so. Perhaps Elsa is spending less time in Arendelle (though with the in-between movies material, probably not).

There is an event in Arendelle where they are hosting the Northuldra. Perhaps it is to welcome them in for their partnership. Better would be Anna and Kristoff’s wedding. The Northuldra come, the Arendellians are initially welcoming but old prejudices make tensions arise between them.

The tension between these two lands is reflected in the relationship between the sisters.

Here comes the Life’s Too Short part: Elsa tries to talk to Anna about it, but Anna is visibly upset that everything went awry (especially if it is her wedding). She may also have some unresolved issues with Elsa leaving, possibly not being around as much. Results in a fight between the two sisters, the age-old struggle: Anna feels abandoned by Elsa, Elsa is only ever trying to protect Anna. They have a real fight and break apart. Elsa leaves with the Northuldra.

This is where the colonialism problem can be properly addressed. The prejudice in Arendelle needs to be dealt with by Anna. The wounds of the Northuldra need to be tended to by Elsa. The rift between the two lands is mirrored between with the sisters - and is healed because the sisters miss each other desperately. Maybe even Kristoff could come talk to Elsa. He may have some indigenous roots and we could explore this with him. Maybe we could even see him bond with Elsa. The Northuldra might even like Kristoff a lot!

And, perhaps, Honeymaren could be taken by Nokk to talk to Anna. Their relationship could be revealed to Anna.

Both sisters miss each other a lot a lot a lot. They are on the verge of tears. This is not F1. It’s not easy for Elsa to walk away like she did before and Anna doesn’t want to chase and force her love onto Elsa like she did before. They have grown. They just want to fix this.

And you bet your ass the spirits are not going to let this rift happen again between the lands. They will find a way. They healing of the rift between the sisters will reflect in the healing of the rift between the lands. However that will play out (I am not elaborating because there are nuances to the colonial-based narrative that I don’t completely understand from my own irl experience).

This is a great story to me, but it might not be great for kids. It is also not super action-heavy. There isn’t a clear character to cheer against (which might actually be good for kids to learn). But this is what I would do for F3.

It will probably end with a successful wedding.

I’m willing to bet it will take place in spring. Great time for a wedding and the theme of the film will be rebirth, rejuvenation, healing, and new beginnings. The early days of Spring is the thaw and warming of the soil for life to thrive.

That sounds like this plot.

#frozen #frozen 2 #frozen 3 #disney #I have thought about this a lot

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hilsoncrater · 11 months

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idk how that WIP fmk ask game works but i’d be curious to hear ur thoughts on any ted lasso wips you have !

HELL yes tysm!! i LOVE talking abt WIPs

fuck - the story you just want to read instead of having to write it yourself

i have the outline done for a tedtrent western film AU inspired by a convo with @stevecarrington @tomlinfonda and @larkin21 !!

the fic is set in the 60s, right as the western genre is going out of style. rebecca owns a film studio (richmond studios) in hollywood, and wants to blow up its reputation to get back at rupert. so she has higgins cast ted, a high school drama teacher from kansas, to star in an upcoming western film. she then personally hires trent, an established director well-known for being a cold-hearted bitch to work with, to direct the movie. the film itself is risky, as it subverts cornerstones of the western genre. this is the film's synopsis:

Mason "Badlands" Morris (Theodore Lasso) is a lone cowboy rider hired for a job he don't normally do: escort a Miss Josephine Fairfax (Keeley Jones) from Kansas all the way to California so she can reunite with her beau Jack (Jamie Tartt). To ensure no untowardness, her uncle Ezra (Roy Kent) accompanies them, himself desperate for a change. Over the course of 14 days during the spring of 1856, the trio face unexpected challenges and uncover secrets which would best be left buried.

the fic spans from the first initial table read all the way to release day. shenanigans and unlikely romances ensue. i have everything for this SO clearly mapped in my head and on paper, but i know it's going to be a massive undertaking putting it into words. so if i could just...read it instead that'd be amazin LMAO

marry - the story you're obsessed with writing and never want to stop working on or thinking about

break me, shake me, devastate me (come here baby) is one i cannot stop writing/thinking about. the second and final chapter for it is going to be at minimum 7k words long because i keep adding more details in or reworking scenes. especially since the james lance interview dropped and we got more trent lore. the flipside to this is that i'm chewing my nails, sweating over the fact i haven't updated in 12 days. i deadass tried to update this past sunday but!! no!! it didn't feel complete yet. so hopefully this weekend it'll happen

grief and longing are my favorite themes to write about, which this fic explores. i have a playlist titled "grieving" that i made purely to listen to while writing this fic.

kill - the story you're most frustrated with and would rather just put it in the trash (or a high shelf somewhere to forget about for a long time)

i've kind of already done this, but there's a royjamie fic i'm bashing my head against the wall about. i got inspired by AURORA's songs "forgotten love" and "soft universe", specifically the lyrics:

You are the reason I can dance Within a fire of goodbyes, of goodbyes I can lie in a dark room without the feeling that I'm lonely

and

My body falls off the side of her bed And now I know what love feels like Don't let me turn into pain All of this is loveliness Chaos came, we laid our head Down on the feather cotton bed You find a heart and catch your breath Let the universe go red Speak to me, speak to me With love in your words Make for me, make for me A soft universe

basically the fic is about different times roy and jamie sleep together in the same bed. it explores their unspoken codependency and the soft intimacy they share underneath their weird dynamic. the reason i'm frustrated is that i cannot seem to find a good enough explanation for why they start sharing a bed LMAO

currently i have something inspired by the fonda/redford film Our Souls At Night, where jamie shows up at roy's door one night and is like "i can't sleep, mate. i miss having a person next to me."

we'll see though. maybe i'll find motivation for the fic again

#thank you for the ask!!!!!

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latinapoetbts · 2 months

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25 days of Bacalar (Drabble)

KTH x Reader (Y/N) Drabble Idol themed | KTH is Filming in Bacalar for Jinnys Kitchen and meets Mexican Native Y/N. Fluff, feelings, and the start of a sexy, smutty scene... I am definitely going to do part two for my own enjoyment, but I would love to hear if you want me to write more. :) ___________________________________________________ “Tae, I-I (moaning), I–(heavy breathing) think we—(moaning) should stop–”, I felt breathless as he pulled away from my neck. I knew I needed to be honest with myself and honest with him. My heart ached, and heat radiated between my legs. My body was desperate for his touch, and my heart ached because my mind knew we needed to stop. The look in his eyes as he peered into mine was one of lust and wonder.

“Y/N, I’m sorry. Did I make you feel uncomfortable? I—”

“No. Tae you didn’t make me feel uncomfortable, I love, I (nervous), I love kissing you to be honest..I uh, um…sorry I feel embarrassed…”. He instantly placed his palm to my cheek as I felt myself blush. I hated how vulnerable I felt and shy.

“Y/N, trust me I love kissing you, I- I didn’t want to stop…”. His eyes fell to my lips. It was becoming way too hard to control myself. I needed to just rip the band aid off and say how I felt.

“I don’t want to stop kissing you but I need to stop.” I felt this hand drop from my cheek the warmth leaving with his hand and a look of sadness flicked in his eyes.

“I’m scared to tell you but I have to say it, I need to say it…”,

“Ok,”. a sigh escaped his beautiful mouth, his eyes gentle and set on mine.

“Tae, I—wooo, this is hard. (pause. sigh.) I love every moment we have spent together, and right now, I love kissing you, your touch feels soooo good and…and… I want more…of you… of us…but…”, I felt the tears start to swell in my eyes. Fuck, I didn’t want to cry. I imagine I must look crazy, why is my heart like this? I felt his fingers entwined with mine underneath the water.

“But, you see, um… I don’t give of myself easily annnnd… I feel like you..like you have ripped me open in ways no one has in just a short amount of time. And when I open, it's like I'm standing on the edge of a cliff and….. I alllllways jump all in and its sooo fucking hard for me to get out once I jump in. It’s so hard that I’ve only allowed it once. It hurt so fucking bad when it was over. It was too hard for me to…to get out…Tae…your make me feel fucking reckless… I love too hard, too deep. I can’t be reckless. I know I’m probably not making any sense and maybe I'm rambling.” I felt his grip tighten in between our fingers, his eyes still locked with mine as his free hand gently swiped at my tears sliding down my cheeks. I leaned into his touch unconsciously. Fuck. Im hopeless , I thought to myself letting out a sigh.

“I’m listening. I know you're nervous, but keep going I want to hear it all”, he gave my hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I can’t with you you know that”, I chuck more tears streaming down my cheeks. A smile pulls slightly at his lips.

“Why?” He asks as he destroys my resolve by kissing my tear stained cheeks pulling away as quickly as his lips touch.

“Fuck Y/N, I’m sorry I—”, I crash my lips into his silencing him as my tonge pierces between his lips, he opens allowing me to explore him once again. We kiss tongs battle for dominance, moans falling from our mouths until we are forced to part from one another for air.

“Your too fucking perfect. I almost can’t stand it.” I bite my lip turning away from him giving us physical space before I dove into him again knowing I’d snap my last thread holding me together.

“Y/N… I don’t understand…please…help me…out here…” , he said softly and sincerely.

“Tae. Fuck you make me feel like I’m on fire, like im being consuming by you and honestly I want more….I want you Tae. I can’t help but want to be around you …kiss you….and…I want to jump all in, and I can't. You know this better than anyone. I can’t, I shouldn't. I’m the one who loses the most here.” After the baring of my soul, the slight trembling of my body and the retreat of his hand holding mine, came the deafening silence. His body withdrew from me and his gaze turned towards the water. I turned away from him as well. I felt naked and exposed. The truth really does hurt. I felt such a relief to tell him how I felt but also it was devastating, it was finite. I had spent the most incredible moments of my 28 years of life over the last 25 days with the most beautiful, sexy, sweet and caring man I had ever ment. He had wrecked me in so many ways and today was the first day we had ever even kissed. I’m not sure how much time passed in the silence but I couldn’t take it a second longer. My thoughts were racing in my mind. Thoughts of just throwing all caution to the wind, abandoning my attempt to protect my heart just burying myself in this moment with him. Choosing my recklessness, Surrendering my mind, body and soul to him. My other thoughts, “run”, get as far as away as possible. Finally my body was able to move, I stood up out of the water, reaching for my pool towel.

“I think I’m going to go ahead and take a shower and get dressed. Take your time.” I step out of the pool without taking one glance at him, wrapping up my body and what was left of my heart and soul.

(.....silence….)

I walked inside and straight to my room tears spilling from my eyes down my chin, I hadn’t even jumped all in yet. I knew I was saving myself the heartbreak of my life. I entered my bathroom and stripped down to nothing, turning the hot water on, I mean I wanted to melt away after all. I step in letting the warm stream over my body warm the ache in my body. And that's when I heard it, the sound of the door opening, the sound of the mental shower rung from the shower curtain scruffing against the shower rode slowly. I could feel how hyper alert my body was, my skin prickling, heart radiating heat between my legs. Just the thought of the idea that he was standing inches from me wearing absolutely nothing had my heart pounding in my chest my cunt lips swelling, and my breath shallow. What was he doing in here with me? Clearly he had rejected me at the pool with his silence.

And that's when I felt it. His dick hard pressed against my ass checks, his lips at the shell of my right ear, his hands cupping my hardened nippled breast. I gasped at his searing touch.

“I want you to be reckless. I want you to jump all in. I want you to let me consume all of you.” his words, his breath feathering against my ear, my body melting into him, my back pressed firmly into his chest. His lips moved down my ear over my exposed neck, licking and sucking his way down my collar bone as I continued to be putty in his hands. I couldn't help but the moans pour out of my mouth.

“(sucking and licking) I fucking want you so bad, (moaning and sucking) please y/n let me have you.” he lets go of my breast spinning me around to face him grabbing the back of my head smashing our mouths together as our tonges battle for sensually dominance. My hands respond by lacing one hand in his hair the other swinging round his neck drawing him close to me. I grutterl moan escapes me the second I feel the tip of his harden dick rub against my swollen wet lips aching between my legs. I feel his free hand cup and squeeze my ass pressing my lips harder against his dick.

“I’ve never wanted someone as badly as I want you. Fuck.” his voice deep and sultry, his hips thrusting against my bare hot wet lips. His mouth sucked deeply and harshly into my neck leaving me bruises that would be on display for days.

“You make me crazy, Y/N. Please. Be reckless with me.” felt his hand release my ass and slide in between us below the waist. I throw my head back as his fingers swipe slowly over my wet lips.

“Y/N…oh my god, please, let me have you.” It was over, the plea, the beg in his voice. I’d let him hurt me, break my spirit over and over again. His fingers teased my lips, edge me by just barely going in. His mouth again on mine moaning deeply into me.

“Will you let me hurt you as badly as you’ll hurt me?” my heart quaked in my chest.

“Because, no matter what, we chose it’s going to hurt.”. He was right.

#taehyung fanfic #taehyung x reader #taehyung smut #tae hyung / reader smut #ao3 #bangtan smut #taehyung x you #kim taehyung #taehyung fanfiction #bts smut

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sukunasun · 1 year

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How do you write so well? I also want to write and find my own style but i always end up deleting my works because I can't bring myself to like them. They are too simple or too repetitive. It would be great if you could offer me some advice. (If you don't mind.)

hey anon! thanks for reaching out, hm...honestly, i struggle with liking my own work too, i guess we're all our own biggest critics :( and i can only speak from my own experience so my word isn't law haha but ive compiled some of my thoughts on this + some citations i think could help add perspective:

read as much as you can and study the writing you like: goes a very long way. if you like distinctive styles of writing like with prose and such then find writers who are known for that, off the top of my head—proust, joyce, brontë, tolstoy, cervantes, etc etc. but always explore, read non-fiction, read a script, read poetry. analyze themes, characters, dialogue ...or don’t? sometimes reading is an experience, not mental gymnastics, but take in how you feel about the stuff you read and digest them.

“The first, of course, is to read. It’s surprising how many people think they want to be writers but they don’t really like to read books… — From 'This is Octavia Butler’s best writing advice.' by Vanessa Willoughby. Read on LitHub / 'An Interview with Octavia E. Butler' by Randall Kenan. Read on JSTOR "You need to study what writing requires. Writing has rules, conventions, requirements. There is form. Writing is more than your thoughts about characters. Drama has structure. You can learn." — Excerpted from Miss Chloe: A Memoir of a Literary Friendship with Toni Morrison by A. J. Verdelle. Read on LitHub

observe: listen to conversations around you, the way people talk and react to things, the way they interact with one another. expressing and repressing. or watch films, what do images and scenes look like in your mind. i learned a lot about transitions and flow from movies. take things from the world around you. find what inspires you to write? i usually listen to music!

characters: if writing fanfic is your thing then take the time to think about the characters, their motives, desires, weaknesses, etc etc. read the source material or read hcs and form your own opinion.

"Events, in and of themselves, have no meaning. Lightning striking a vacant lot is pointless; lightning striking a vagrant matters. When an event adds a character, suddenly nature’s indifference fills with life." — Excerpted from CHARACTER: The Art of Role and Cast Design for Page, Stage, and Screen by Robert McKee. Read on LitHub (read this once for a creative writing class and thought it was really helpful)

it’s all in the little things: have fun with the details, think about the way a room is lit in the afternoon, or the way a ripe mandarin orange tastes, smells, you could also describe it in action—citrus and pulp and a zesty rind that spits from beneath your fingernails—fill in the blanks with texture and colour and give them a life of their own.

"If you are going to describe a spoon or a chair or a tv set, you don’t want to simply set these things into the scene and let them go. You want to give them some weight, connecting these things to the lives around them." — From 'An Interview with Raymond Carver' by Larry McCaffery and Sinda Gregory, 1985. Read on JSTOR. (finding the balance between vomiting out descriptions and knowing when to leave things as they are is a struggle for me haha, i get caught up way too much on crafting atmosphere when all the scene calls for is like a sentence or two... i guess its about knowing which is more important, keeping in mind pacing and such too. but im a big believer in instinct, you’ll know whats better for a scene when you read it like fifty times and think... 'maybe geto’s internal monologue and a valid ‘heart beating wildly in his chest’ is enough..’) <3

re: writing styles: ultimately has to do with your personality and how you see the world/the scene you're conveying to an audience. i suppose style stems from the way you weave and thread words together, how you place one word after the other. i think it’ll come to you the more you write, rather than aiming for style, start with the story and the way you look at things.

A unique and exact way of looking at things, and finding the right context for expressing that way of looking, that’s something else. . . . Every great, or even every very good writer, makes the world over according to his own specifications. It’s akin to style,... but it isn’t style alone. It is the writer’s particular and unmistakable signature on everything he writes. It is his world and no other. This is one of the things that distinguishes one writer from another. — From “A Storyteller’s Shoptalk,” by Raymond Carver published in The New York Times in 1981.

let your writing be something else, just not yours (in the best sense): sometimes the hardest thing is knowing that your writing will forever be tied to you, there’s a sense of ownership there, like a mother who’s birthed a child after a whole nine months, you’ll work on something for the longest time and not want to give it to anyone, but it has to sort of...get out there. and not every piece of writing will be a precious baby, sometimes it’s just an onion in your garden you found and thought to use in a stew, but the point is that eventually, it’ll belong to the world should you choose to post it. letting it go is catharsis. when i don’t have to look back on it, i can just write the next thing. even if you don’t intend on posting it, i find that i could always just leave things in the drafts, in a document folder, in scraps of paper, and move on to the next thing. i know i can always come back to it.

i guess...you just have to write? one word after the next until you’ve filled up a page or more. the difference between crafting a beautiful sentence you’re satisfied with and a repetitive, simple one is a whole lot of trial and error + practice (and suffering).

“The only sentence that matters is the one you’re writing.” Do not look ahead two or three sentences, thinking, Oh, but wait, I have to get through two or three more of these sentences before I can get to the really good stuff. Make the sentence you are at the place you are at, and make it a place of stone and steel, not a place of sand and clay. Fashion this sentence out of what has gone before on your page, always moving forward by looking back. Turn, swerve, torque and twist upon what you have written, finding new ways to render your object, and through these maneuvers, finding the way to write your heart out. — From 'The Gordon Lish Notes' by Tetman Callis. Read here.

eventually, you’ll look at the stuff you hate and find ways to make it better, and even then maybe you won’t be completely happy with it but i think it’s important to note that it’s a rather harrowing thing because you’re staring at it wondering if it’s something to be shared...that’s a lot. ultimately i feel it’s perfectly fine to write because you enjoy it, of course, some might say it doesn’t have to be perfect, but because you want it to be good, there needs to be a sense of care and responsibility to make it so.

You write as well as you can and hope for good readers. But I think you’re also writing for other writers to an extent—the dead writers whose work you admire, as well as the living writers you like to read. If they like it, the other writers, there’s a good chance other “intelligent, adult men and women” may like it, too. — From 'Raymond Carver, The Art of Fiction No. 76' by Mona Simpson & Lewis Buzbee for The Paris Review

sending you love and cheering you on! i hope you find this helpful in some way!

#thanks for sending this in i hope its helpful!#im not the best at this haha please do let me know what you think!#ask #anon

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fleshadept · 1 year

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Hi! I have been following you for a few months, and you seem like a nice, reasonable person. Our taste in movies seems to be quite similar, also. That's why I'm comfortable asking you a weird question/request. Would you explain to me why you think 'Everything Everywhere' is so good? I have heard everyone praising it to the heavens. So I was very excited when I watched it, expecting to absolutely love it. And then I was surprised how much I didn't like it. Don't get me wrong, there are parts of it that are good, but I'm genuinely baffled why everyone seems to like it this much. (I have long reasons too, I'm not just racist or some bullshit like that.) If you'd want to discuss this maybe, I'd write you off-anon sometime. (I could write anon too, because it'd be nice to get input from potentially more people, but I also don't wanna get attacked for not liking this movie...) Thanks for the reply.

thanks for reaching out! i've totally been there before with not vibing with stuff a lot of people really seem to like. i'd be interested to hear, though, why you didn't like it.

there are many reasons why i loved everything everywhere all at once. a primary one is that it is a very well-done story, and one that touches on parts of family that aren't often explored in film. at its core it's about a mother pulled in several different directions having to play different roles--mother, daughter, immigrant, business owner--and remember all the people she could have been as well, and her jaded, depressed, suicidal daughter trying to find a version of her mom that understands her.

the film uses multiverses as an interesting, comical, and touching visualization of the ways in which every person is, and can be, many different people. evelyn is a chinese-american immigrant who owns a laundromat, she's a mother, she's a wife going through a divorce. but she didn't have to be--she could have stayed in china, she could have become a movie star, never become joy's mother, never married waymond.

evelyn, our evelyn, did move to america though. she married waymond, her father refused to speak to her because of it, and she had joy. but she saw herself as a fighter. life had been hard, and she felt like she had to be hard back to survive. she didn't understand joy's sexuality, but she didn't do what her own father did to her over it. she tried to keep gonggong from learning about it out of fear of joy having to see the side of him that hurt evelyn the most.

and joy, she doesn't understand. she doesn't understand why her mom loves her, why anything matters if nothing matters, and most important she doesn't understand why she should keep going. she's tired. in a way, we can look at the theme of the movie as a debate between nihilism (joy/jobu topaki) and absurdism (waymond). nihilism is the idea that nothing matters, the universe is cold and unfeeling, so it's all meaningless. absurdism is the idea that all of that is true, so you choose what matters. nothing matters, so everything does.

which brings us to waymond. "when i choose to see the good side of things, i'm not being naive. it is strategic and necessary. it's how i've learned to survive through everything. i know you see yourself as a fighter. well, i see myself as one too. this is how i fight."

i think waymond is a big part of why so many people loved the film. he's the heart of it, and in a time like this, when everything is terrifying and seems to be getting worse, a film that acknowledges the hardship of it all, and that nothing matters, and that with every new discovery we feel like even smaller pieces of shit, a film that reasserts that kindness is everything not despite but because of it all, kindness is a way to fight, is really really touching.

it reminds me of a quote from ursula k. le guin:

“The trouble is that we have a bad habit, encouraged by pedants and sophisticates, of considering happiness as something rather stupid. Only pain is intellectual, only evil interesting. This is the treason of the artist; a refusal to admit the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain.” The Ones Who Walk Away from Omelas

so the story is really really good. i think it's one of the best filmic illustrations of the tensions and depth of a mother/daughter relationship ever made. i saw my mom in evelyn, watching her daughter* deal with depression and suicidality and doing her absolute best to say i am here for you in any way she can. and i saw myself in joy, trying to be understood and reading my mom's attempts at connection as an attack or a dismissal.

technically, it's almost flawless. technically here meaning technique-wise. the editing is stellar, the production design is amazing, the film itself is absolutely gorgeous and the way they play with editing style, music, aspect ratio, framerate, and pretty much everything they possibly can to adapt to each alternate universe is absolutely flooring. it's new, it's inventive, it's creative, and it's so, so genuine.

for the past ten years or so since streaming services took off, there's been a shrinking of the film market so pretty much the only movies that get made are either REALLY high budget, blockbuster movies or REALLY low budget indie films. eeaao and its popularity feels like a bit of an equalization of that, hopefully a sign that more middle-ground films can be made more often again to let filmmakers breathe a little more if they want to make anything other than a marvel film or a franchise remake.

#genuinely cannot fathom why anyone wouldn't like this film but to each their own ig #cricket answers #long post #cricket chirps #eeaao #everything everywhere all at once

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destinyc1020 · 1 year

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I cant speak for all fans, but I think thats an unfair claim to make that people flip flop and need to be consistent with how they think of projects. I am not going to blindly support something just because tom is in it. I want to know who he is cast with and who is directing those projects because it gives me an insight in how I think the project will be approached.

I am personally not excited for fred astaire mostly because I think biopics have become formualic and predictable. They are oscar bait films. I would have preferred they make an original musical with original dance numbers rather than have someone emulate fred astaire and his dance numbers which are already iconic. (My lack of excitement again has nothing to do with tom)

However the announcement of paul king made me think of the project differently, he did the paddington movies, and he uses humour, colour and charismatic characters to explore really serious themes. Like maybe he might push the genre in a different direction. I think most people dont have tom hate agenda ( most either dont care about him or love him, those who hate him is actually pretty small)

While I agree we shouldn't be quick to dismiss something but I also dont think its fair to say people hate tom because they only become excited when other people are cast or when the director is announced.

Also I think its fair for someone to be less excited for a tom project if they didnt enjoy cherry and chaos walking or uncharted. Film twitter is not what influences peoples choices, some people dislike his movies because they truly didnt like his movies and are maybe less excited to watch one of his projects because of it, is it fair maybe not but it is what it is.

Nobody is saying that you have to just blindly support anything just because Tom is in it. That's your choice. MY issue is with fans who blindly HATE on a project before they even know all of the facts, before the movie has even started filming, before they've even SEEN the film...let alone even seen a trailer! 🥴

THAT'S my issue.

Why not just be neutral about a project until you get more info about it? SOME fans just go into long tirades about a film project announcement before a film has even started filming, and then when things have finished filming, then all of a sudden they're like: "Omg! Can't wait!!" When we know good and well that a lot of them were hating on the project when it first got announced. 🙄

Soooo....let me get this straight.... You're not excited about the FA biopic because YOU think that biopic films are "Oscar Bait" films?? 🥴 Girl WHAT?? 😅🤣

First of all.... Many people (critics and audience members alike) ENJOY biopic films. There have been way too many well-done biopic films done over the years to just say that we should just not make them because in your mind they are "Oscar Bait". Second, even if they are Oscar Bait films... So what?? Who cares?? 🥴

Actually, IMO... "Oscar Bait" films are really the films that MOST people didn't even see that year, let alone even heard of. They are the indie, smaller films that most people are like: "Huh??" when they win a ton of awards at the Oscars because most avg movie-going people didn't even watch them lol, but the Academy loooooves to promote those films because they're "high-brow", "artistic". Every once in a while the Academy acknowledges a film that is both well-done, AND popular with the masses. If that happens to be a biopic film, so what? If many people are enjoying a film, it might just be because....gee.... it was a WELL-Done film? Who cares what genre it's in?? I don't get your reasoning Anon. 🥴

Of course we all wouldn't mind seeing something "original", but that doesn't mean that films that aren't original (or are about real people in history) should just never be made. 😒 That doesn't even make any sense. Anyway, I'm looking forward to the FA biopic, and I think Tom will do a great job. 😏 To each his/her own Anon.

I never said that people "hate" Tom. All I said was that he was getting a lot of hate/backlash for taking on the TCR project. That's basically it. I actually think most people like Tom.

Btw.... Are you going to hate on the TCR project as well because it's not "original" and it's loosely based on someone's life? 😅 They've done tons of films about people with DID as well... Do we just hate on TCR also or feel like those films are "formulaic" or "Oscar Bait" because other films have been done about DID and actors have won Oscars for them? 🥴 I just don't understand your reasoning Anon. Obviously, we're all happy when great names are attached to a project that Tom is doing. :) I personally just prefer to W.A.S. before getting my panties in a bunch about a project that I know very little about. That's all! 😊 That was my main point Anon.

You're free to feel however you wish Anon... 🤷🏾‍♀️ Nobody is forcing you to feel any type of way. I personally judge someone's roles individually. If it's one of my faves, I am cheering them on to have a great project, regardless of if their previous projects were "trash" or not (and I don't think most of Tom's projects have been trash either). But hey, you can feel "less excited" about Tom's projects because you didn't like some of his other recent films. Like I said, nobody is forcing you to feel a certain way. 🤷🏾‍♀️ I just think it's unfair when so-called "fans" bash him to no end on "Film Twitter" just because an announcement is out for one of his new projects. I remember that day very vividly. I went from being super excited to hear the announcement about a film that Tom was obviously very excited to be signed on with, to then being inundated by fans freaking out, hating on him, seeing the crazy tweets, and just feeling kind of sad for him that he was probably seeing all of that hate online when he thought the announcement would be something his fans were going to be primarily be HAPPY about. 😔

Idk...I just felt bad for him that's all. 😔 I also felt like the day was ruined. I went from being excited, to being kind of sad.

But like I said before Anon, you're completely FREE to feel however you wish to feel. That's the beauty of having our own opinions. 😊

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preferenceandpriorities · 1 year

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Schöne welt, where you at?

Amidst all this ruin, maybe the looking was the good part. Should we ever find something we should be alarmed.

If I am the type to write poetry, I know this. But I have no friends or lovers to read me. And if no one is to read me, what is there to write? What good am I if not seen or consumed? Made to do things I wish not to? Made to withhold things I wish to express? Who am I without the burdens of living, the punishment of society, the relief of friendship?

I find poetry is rid of difficult words, old words. Poetry is made up of a thought, that continues into the next, a shorter story than a short story, An invitation to feel a feeling.

This is a poem I wrote instead of the review I've been trying to write since August 2022. It encompasses what I felt around the time I finished the book. I keep thinking, I'll actually perfect it, I'll shape it into something readable, but alas, that still hasn't happened as I am too busy living life. Yet I still feel that there's something to it, reading it as an unfinished piece, so here it goes:

Probably the most straightforward out of Sally Rooney’s books regarding the relevance of “non-important” stuff. I think she’s brilliant at looking at the contrast there is between our post-modern concern with the “state of the world” and how incessant our small lives actually are.

With Conversations with Friends and Normal People, this same theme is underlying, it is nearly subliminal. You could still describe either as a completely different book and get away with it (i.e., about cheating, or the latter a book about soulmates), but not this one.

It’s interesting to see a white female writer (who is clearly very aware of her whiteness and female-ness) tackle themes of mindfulness and the idea of sanctity. Religion is clearly the pivotal thing in this novel, and its comparability to celebrity culture or the deification of popular media characters seems to be fascinating to contemporary writers. Ted Chiang, who wrote Stories of Your Life and Others (what the movie Arrival was based on), wrote about it in his foreword to Everything Everywhere All At Once’s A24 book release, saying the archetypes of superheroes in media are equivalent to a modern religion. Both books and films cementing their importance in the discussion of time and meaning. And personally, I also felt compelled early in 2022 to write about why Euphoria seemed to hit a bone with its internet audience. All of these artpieces that seem to be worth talking about at all are concerned with this idea of “goodness,” just like Beautiful World, Where Are You?

(switch up?) I rarely sit down to talk about religion (and how it clearly coincides with depression), mostly because I’ve been through it. I’ve done the dirty work of confronting the mundanity of life, forgetting my self and concerning myself with others. I only feel like I may talk about it now because it is not with someone else on the other end that may misconstrue me. Most conversations I’ve had were of someone trying to convince me of a worldview that made life bearable, and the rest are of people looking for any answer that can make them happy. As someone who grew up in a religious country, I’d have to say I’m over it!

What makes Beautiful World intriguing to me is not the exploration of religion in isolation, but it is the way the characters look for what they think is God in other people.

Is religion solitude or company?

I wonder what it is to have someone be kind to you. Does this graciousness really not exist in everyone? Why is it so hard to find? What does it feel like to have someone want to bathe you without hesitation? With no hesitation? To help you go to the restroom when you’re sick.

I think this is the reason I avoid hospitals. There’s just no lying in hospitals There’s no sugarcoating anything. And everyone is there to help you. I used to love it growing up but the past three years hospitals have terrified me.

I almost feel like I wish I was sexually assaulted. I would have a reason to be sad, then. Now I just, I’m floating in a space where no one cares about me, if I died, people would be sad but no one would really miss me. Maybe that’s selfish, self-centered. But I would love to know if that would at least give some meaning to my life, to touch someone else. If I was assaulted everyone would call me strong, unbeatable.

Sally Rooney is one of those writers that I just trust will carry me on an insightful journey. It doesn’t matter so much the plot she uses as much as it matters what she says throughout.

The doctor came to me and kept repeating you are not okay. You are not okay. This isn’t normal. And I had to keep believing her. It feels nice knowing someone can see that.

Is kindness really rare? Is it God because it’s not there?

I wonder what it feels like, to share a smile in secret with someone Or to make someone smile to themselves, without me seeing I wonder what it feels like to feel someone sniff outwards fall on my cheek Someone happy to see me I wonder if I’ve ever given that to someone, or ever will

It cost me my life to know that he loved me

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kolbisneat · 2 years

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MONTHLY MEDIA: June 2022

Hey. I find it hard sharing something like this with everything that’s going on. When I say “this is how I spent my month” I really mean “these are some of the things I did to give myself a mental break.” Maybe this will lead you to find something that will give you a bit of a break too.

……….FILM……….

Top Gun: Maverick (2022) Despite hearing how good it was and being skeptical that it really could be that great, it really delivered! I mean it’s very funny that Tom Cruise has to find a team leader, only to realize he was team leader all along, but somehow it still mostly works. Also far funnier than expected. Anyway I think we as a collective should spend less money on these crazy planes but dang if the footage within the cockpits wasn’t impressive.

Jurassic World Dominion (2022) No thanks. It felt like a whole lotta plot but not much story, you know? Like things just kept happening and I just wanted to know why? LIke why tell this story? With that said, the baby raptor plot got me. It was silly, but it totally got me.

Top Gun (1986) Having never seen this before, it was pretty good! I think all these years of osmosis made me think Iceman was more of an antagonist than he is; the guy doesn’t want to fly with a reckless showboat and I get that.

……….TELEVISION……….

Kingdom (Episode 1.01 to 1.06) Zombie movies are peak stress for me but I tend to like them in tv a lot more; it means more characters are going to survive for longer than 30 minutes and I’m into that. Outside of the second world war, I don’t see a lot of period stuff with zombies and I think that should change. The drama is great, the monsters are interesting and threatening, and overall I think it’s a good season of TV.

……….READING……….

Maskerade by Terry Pratchett (Complete) Pratchett’s work is always so comforting yet inspiring...and kind! So much nuance to both the protagonists and antagonists and neither are treated as one-note characters. I’m beginning to notice a general structure/theme within the last few installments (an object or place compels people to do things and thus the story unfolds until that compulsion is stopped) but I really don’t mind. The stories are simply vehicles for the characters to shine and that’s where the Discworld series is at its strongest.

A Frog in the Fall (And Later On) by Linnea Sterte (Complete) Truly a work of art. Unfortunately this was only available through Kickstarter but if you can find a digital copy online then I highly recommend. Charming and dangerous and funny in a casual way, it felt like a blend of poetry and journal. Beautiful work.

……….AUDIO……….

The Underground Sound by Joey Valence (2022) Hey do you like the Beastie Boys? So does Joey Valence. That may sound like a dig but honestly, I love this album.

……….GAMING……….

Oz: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) This month the group is continuing to flee from the mob and have gotten back into their bounty-hunting adventures! Their first gig has taken them across Oz, from the libraries of The Archives to the wrestling arena of Loonville! You can read all about their tomfoolery over here.

Neverland: A Fantasy Role-Playing Setting (Andrews McMeel Publishing) The Mof1 group continues to explore (and exploit) the strange happenings inside the Skull, with mixed results! Now that they’re back on the island, it’s time for them to sort out what was real and what was imagined.

And that’s it. As always, I’d love to hear your recommendations and stay safe out there.

#Monthly Media #Kolbisneat #Andrew Kolb

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adamwatchesmovies · 3 months

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The Host (2006)

You’d think hilarious and horrifying would be far apart, but under the steady hand of director Bong Joon-ho, you’re never sure whether you should be laughing or trembling in fear. The Host is a unique monster movie with great re-watch value due to its sharp satirical themes, well-developed characters, numerous surprises and unexpected scares.

In 2006, slow-witted Park Gang-du (Song Kang-ho) runs a snack bar near the river with his father, Hee-bong (Byun Hee-bong). Suddenly, his daughter Hyun-seo (Go Ah-sung) is attacked and kidnapped by a large tadpole-like creature. While attempting to rescue her, Gang-du is sprayed with the monster’s blood, which government agents suspect contains a deadly, unknown virus. As Gang-du’s underachieving brother, Nam-il (Park Hae-il) and national medalist archer sister Nam-joo (Bae Doona) join the search for the missing girl, the government begins panicking.

What makes this film so funny is that nearly every character is a complete idiot. Gang-du is an ambulant disaster. He's always saying the wrong thing, always making the worst mistake you could make, always the last one to catch on. Even his father knows the man’s a half-dozen parts short of a set, and this is best demonstrated in a scene in which he tries to explain that Gang-du showed so much promise as a child. The story he tells is such a “what does that even mean?” kind of tale it would be heartbreaking if it weren’t so awful. It also shows the apple might not fall so far from the tree. Gang-du's siblings fare a little better but they also have a knack for screwing things up and when there’s a great big mutated tadpole gobbling people up, you can’t afford to make the kind of mistakes they make.

What makes this film so scary isn't only the monster; it's that nearly every government agent or authority figure is an idiot. It’s hard to tell if the constant failure to track down the monster, misunderstanding of the situation, inability to contain the Park family and knack for making things worse is done on purpose or not. Considering it would take a lot of people to work in perfect unison to orchestrate this thing, you lean towards overwhelming idiocy on everyone’s part. If Gang-du is exploring the river shore while infected with a deadly disease, they’re putting everyone at risk by doing such a poor job containing him. If he isn’t infected, then they’re wasting time and resources chasing a non-threat while a real-live monster is on the prowl. If this creature was as tall as a skyscraper and crushing bridges under its feet they would be able to get their ducks in a row right away but because it's only eating people one at a time, they can’t get anything done.

Beneath all the comedy and horrifying incompetence, there’s a lot of great material to chew on. Bong Joon-ho (who co-writes with Ha Won-jun and Baek Chul-hyun) has something to say about uncaring governments (both domestic and foreign), ineffective youth protesters, the repercussions and cause of pollution, family and social structure. That’s fun if you want to dig deep but you don’t have to. The family dynamics and main story are plenty on their own. The satirical material and terrific screenplay make up for the low budget and then some. It isn’t so much that you’d watch this movie again and realize “oh! when they said this, THAT’S what they meant!” it’s that you’ll be looking for clues to figure out if this thing that was said was meant to be sinister, or if it was just another brick to the head in this tornado of I.Q.-dropping head injuries. The line is so thin it’s nearly impossible to tell where the malice begins and the incompetence ends.

From fart jokes to tense scenes of danger, heartbreaking betrayals to well-established quirks coming in to save the day, The Host is so many things it’s hard to categorize it as belonging to any single genre. Or maybe that’s because I’ve only seen it once. I’ll let you know if I figure out where it belongs the next time I see it - and there will be a next time. (Original Korean version with English Subtitles, On DVD, October 24, 2021)

#The Host #Bong Joon-ho #Ha Joon-ho #Baek Chul-hyun #Song Kang-ho #Byun Hee-bong #Park Hae-il #Bae Doona #Go Ah-sung #2006 movies #2006 films #movies #films #movie reviews #film reviews

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ctbooks · 4 months

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Boyz to Men: The Rumpus Interviews Alex Kazemi

by Miah Jeffra

Alex Kazemi’s novel New Millennium Boyz (Permuted Press, 2023) is a divisive book. It may piss you off, may offend you, may have you nodding your head to its reality-TV reality, a hazily self-reflexive gesture of the early millennium’s particular brand of pop culture consciousness. Heavily dialogical and uniquely sparse in reflective voice—despite being written from teen Brad Sela’s perspective—the novel reads more like a screenplay stitched together by saturated scenes of suburban banality and angst, largely concerning Brad’s troubling friendship with goth-kid Lusif and emo-stoner Shane. There is so much violent, racist and sexist overtone to the three teens’ interactions that it feels like we’re watching a mashup of The Doom Generation and Beavis and Butthead. Think Brett Easton Ellis. Think Larry Clark. Think deeply unsettling, especially as readers influenced and informed by the last two decades forced to look back.

Born, raised and currently living in the Vancouver area, Kazemi began working in the fashion and music industry at 15, and emerged as a pop culture journalist, working for Dazed, King Kong and Prim, among others. His early experience inhabiting this—as Kazemi calls—“post-empire world” clearly influences the novel, flooded with sharp critiques and observations of Y2K music, from Blink 182 to Fiona Apple, backdropped by the popularization of the internet and reality-TV.

New Millennium Boyz serves to indict our recent past as a caustic soup of creative expression, cynicism and techno-reality, a Baudrillard-ian horror film where the characters won’t stop watching themselves, and through gritted teeth simultaneously implore the reader, have we changed all that much? Using our current techno-reality, Kazemi and I chatted over Zoom to explore this question.

* * *

The Rumpus: We obviously see your knowledge of music and culture and fashion all over this book. Why did you decide that you needed to write this story as a novel?

Alex Kazemi: When I was 18, I started writing notes. I uploaded the first 50 pages onto Tumblr and a lot of teenagers really resonated with it. I got a lot of messages and, as viral as things could go in 2013, it did. It wasn't initially concerning style or aesthetic or anything. I was only taking from what I knew back then. As I grew up, however, the meanings of those initial pages changed. I lost a certain innocence.

As the world became crazier, as my 20s became more turbulent, there were more intense emotions that I wanted to explore. I had to grow, practice, change, and evolve. This book is so different from the original Tumblr manuscript, but the reason it was a novel was because that's just what felt right.

Rumpus: In several moments in the novel, the dialogue runs together so much that you don't even know who's speaking. The characters blur. Why?

Kazemi: I remember working with my editor on the locker room scene where the boys are talking about girls and porn. I was like, “I have to include speaker indicators.” They're like, “No, because all the boys are just the same in the scene. They're all amorphous, facets of the extreme teen-boy experience.” I think that in that era—maybe every era—there were so many mixed messages of what it means to be a boy, what masculinity meant, the violence of it, that’s not explored much in art.

Rumpus: Why do you have it set right at the dawn of the millennium?

Kazemi: I was perplexed and fascinated by our culture becoming so obsessed with Y2K. I wanted to unmask the corporate, buzz-feed-type nostalgia for that era and create more of a gritty, voyeuristic version of teen-hood. What if we take the voice from American Pie and explore the darker aspects of that world? I wanted to show that these themes that we're dealing with currently in our culture, of hyper reality and the Internet age, emerged back then.

Rumpus: You're very interested in the consumerism that is bound in this hypermediated society. Do you feel like we were worse off 20 years ago than we are now?

Kazemi: I often think about this. We look at Gen Z, who are so openly queer, openly celebrating their POC-ness, anything that makes them different. And then we rewind twenty years ago and it looks like we are now better off. How have we been able to make that progress if we didn't have social media, if technology didn't accelerate in the way it did? I don't know the answer to that. But it's often something I think about. I think maybe in certain ways we were more intelligent about our moderation around screen time. You open a magazine, and eventually it ends, right? An Instagram feed doesn't end. A TikTok feed doesn't end.

Rumpus: Do you feel like that is one of the functions of all the sexism, the racism, the homophobia of the characters in your novel, for us to look back twenty years ago and see how far we've come?

Kazemi: I particularly made the characters like that to show what the culture amongst white men was encouraging at the time. It’s definitely not a celebration of it, but more so holding up a mirror to how those issues were presented in that time period. Twenty years later we're supposed to look at it and be like, “Holy fuck, this is how people talked. This was normal. Why was it like that? And why did we allow it to be like that? And why did we associate it with creative freedom?”

Rumpus: So, you’re suggesting media of the time was packaged in this effort to celebrate creative freedom, when in fact, it seemed to indulge in aspects of our own culture’s hatred?

Kazemi: If kids are listening to Adam Carolla on Love Line and he says something objectionable, they don’t have the clear ability to critique it like we do now. They were inside of it. They were participating in the culture. For us to say that our media doesn't encourage certain impulses in us is just absurd. Of course, we can't control who is consuming the media. I'm not saying violent movies creates school shooters, but I'm saying there are unwell people who are not equipped to handle this content, and it can unfold into madness.

Rumpus: One of those examples would be the protagonist, Brad?

Kazemi: Brad is in this masochistic male friendship [with Lusif], yet he also fears losing him. A level of trauma bonding.

Rumpus: Do you think that is born of some desperate need for young males to share intimacy, that they would let someone like Lusif abuse them, because at least they were experiencing an intimacy with another male, without reproach, that isn't fostered in our culture?

Kazemi: Absolutely. I think that these young men who, for instance, pledge a frat are really looking for a shared intimacy amongst other men. They're desperate for communication and physical intimacy that feels safe for them and their sexuality. Brad was so intimacy-starved that he would let someone bad like Lusif into his life. I think boys in our culture are in that state of starvation a lot, and that's pretty scary to think of what they're capable of doing in that malnourished state. I was trying to display the way teenage boys have to manage being a good boy to their family while behind the scenes they have all these unresolved feelings around sex and violence and drugs. They're this weird, netherworld creature that's not a boy, not a man, managing this middle-space. They are processing a lot of unresolved sexual energy. It's something that is provoking a very extreme reaction in readers, which is so weird to me because I never predicted that. I definitely have a better understanding of the prose that most people like, and I don't think I went the traditional route.

Rumpus: You averted the traditional route by being so heavily dialogical without much access to Brad’s interiority?

Kazemi: That's interesting because a lot of people say that's a lot of telling. But it's fucked up because in my head, I was like, “Oh, I'm showing their reality. I'm almost creating reality TV, setting it up with minimum imagery, and then getting to watch the conversation.”

Rumpus: Maybe these critics are summoning classic tropes of storytelling when reviewing this book. I think what you said resonates with me. The book mirrors the reality television narrative. Minimal situation and lots of dialogue and reaction.

Kazemi: There are these moments of suburban romanticism in our culture, of hanging out in the 7-Eleven parking lot, smoking—American rites of passages that would resonate with the typical Total Request Live watcher. I definitely did try to create those tiny moments of suburban claustrophobia. The book resembles a three- to four-hour nineties teen movie. It's like an extended cut. I'm shocked that I did it and also that I was so insistent with my publisher to stay true to my vision. Obviously, it's not something I want to do again, this type of style, but it is a bit jarring.

Rumpus: You say you're probably not going to write a novel like this again. Do you have another project on the horizon?

Kazemi: I definitely have ideas, but much like the Madonna school, I'm all about reinvention, thinking of different ways to tell stories. I want to stay in the novel medium and I want to write more books, but I have to figure out what comfort zone I’m going to push against next. ________________________________________ Miah Jeffra is author of four books, most recently The Violence Almanac and the novel American Gospel. Miah is co-founder of Whiting Award-winning queer and trans literary collaborative, Foglifter Press, and teaches creative writing and decolonial studies at Sonoma State University.

#interviews #fiction #lit #writeblr #therumpus

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