#and it was hard for it to like. live. in a world where that wasn't tge reality for a lot of people anymore

[chiikasevennn]

Ironically Horny

Sung Jinwoo x Fem!Reader

Warning(s): SMUT, 18+, YK THE DRILL 🙄😠 (i hate writing but woowoo x reader/oc writers are not that many and it kills me), ugly writing i did not proofread anything, aphrodisiac, no plot just porn, belly bulge, lmk if I'm missing smth else! Thanks

A/N: guys, idk what i'm doing /srs, so please beware—I might be insane as I wrote this. I'M LOOKING AT YOU. This ain't canon ok? Also, [N. Name] means nickname!!

"Hu… angh!" You clenched the bedsheets abrasively as you realized that indulging feeling kick in your lower belly again.

A bulge continuously vanished and reappeared with each thrust this bastard, Sung Jinwoo, gave you. With a numb mind, you looked at the headboard with your eyes remained moist with tears as the raven haired man ruin you completely with his cock.

He was big. A bit too big.

"Jin'oo, ah… hic," your head attempted to raise but failed and fell flat against the pillow. The sound of his grunting made you weak although you knew this sort of act wasn't romantic at all.

Jinwoo flipped your body, making you view his rock-hard and impressive abs—but he realized that it was completely useless as you clearly couldn't even see it properly as your mind had gone blank long ago because of his relentless pounding.

In the stillness of the night, his rough shoving echoed through your bedroom. Jinwoo watched you cry, you, who was always tough-looking.

Jinwoo traced his fingers along your neck and placed a hickey there. He did it once, twice, and before he knew it, he couldn't stop until he realized he finally came again for the nth time.

So, how did you guys end up like this? Well—

"What the—I-I'm poisoned?" Your displeasure was clear as Jinwoo looked at you, and it appeared that you were looking at your system albeit not visible in his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"System said ordinary potions wouldn't work, not to mention, I'm no healer either."

"What?"

You contemplated the words written on the blue screen despite the multiple times you've analyzed it. When new words began to appear and soon you understood, your face went pale.

"[Name]?" Jinwoo had never seen you like this before. He felt a knot of worry twisting in his stomach. It was so unlike you to be this troubled.

"Jinwoo, please kill me."

"What???"

He saw your lifeless eyes, as if you failed to accept something too deep. "Kill me. Living is already humiliating enough."

"What's wrong with you? What did the system say, anyway?"

"I'd…" cheeks burning in mortification, you ended up crouching. "Oh, Lords, this is so fucking embarrassing. The hell." You whispered the last part.

You cursed like a mantara and Jinwoo watched as you slowly lost your mind.

"Just—" he almost sighed. "What does it say?"

"I… I have to…" The other player had never once witnessed you falter with your words nor look as if you wanted to disappear right this instant. "Sex… Do intimate shit. Oh…? …! Fuck, it also told me it's not poison, but an aphrodisiac!"

Jinwoo was speechless.

"... Where in the world am I gonna find a sex partner?"

That was a problem, until he offered himself.

He was just being… helpful.

Your body trembled. Letting out a strangled moan, your eyes began to be coated with tears as you recognized Jinwoo's hot spill inside of you beginning to form.

He was a quick learner, once he grasped how much touching your clit and hitting that sweet spot slightly above pleasured you, he didn't back down. No, not after he was told that possible complications might arise if he didn't help you sooner. Not to mention, there was a time limit. A time limit that he had to cum inside you (he was given 2 hours to spill his seed inside for at least 7 times, just what the fuck?) to cure whatever dilemma that monster had thrown at you. It was ridiculous.

Initially, he didn't think it'd work in one hundred and twenty minutes, but after he'd made you cum and squirt for the first time, God knew how much he wanted you right then and there.

One more to go. Jinwoo pulled you closer to his pelvis, not daring to pull his cock out. Sweat was all over the two of you, but he had no time to stop, for he only had 10 minutes left to finish this.

He unexpectedly stopped his plan momentarily when you whined. What? Had he lost track? Maybe you were starting to get uncomfortable since he'd been rough on you for almost two hours. He should stop—

"Jin'oo…" you sobbed softly. He swore he'd never seen anything so beautiful before. "'t hurts… Hurry… D-don't stop… Please."

He looked down at you like a predator and breathed heavily at the sight of you. He sat up, shoulders broad as he held your waist, his dick twitching inside you. Was he getting worked up? Fuck.

Ablush crept up to his face at your adorable begging, but he knew you were out of consciousness as we speak. If you keep nicely pleading him to fuck you, then he might not be able to stop.

He scrutinized your gorgeous body that he secured in his hold. Jinwoo tried to push his dick deeper to which you cried at—and seeing that bulge on your lower stomach made him slightly (so) proud. It was nice that he could touch something that could stand as a proof that he was inside you.

"You…" He leaned down and kissed your temple. You grabbed his cheek and caught his lips into a deep kiss. Jinwoo wasn't able to help himself but return the gesture with equal reason.

The raven haired man didn't pull away until he felt your breath running out and again, he blushed red as he gazed at your panting situation.

He ruined you in a good way.

"Let's finish this, all right?" He kissed your temple so sweetly. "I'm sorry, I have to go rougher since we only have a few minutes left, but I can't risk any future difficulty happening to you, [N. Name]."

You nodded eagerly, and before you knew it, you were being pounded into oblivion again.

#sung jin woo x reader #sung jinwoo x reader #smut #solo leveling x reader #solo leveling #idk what I'm doing ok? #sung jinwoo smut

[ahappydnp]

So I was rewatching dd last night and when dnp were in the Bespoke Activity Corner dan mentioned that he had a breakdown before tour bc he was gay so that got me thinking- if not for ii do u think he would’ve come out in 2018? Why didn’t they come out before ii? What was Phil’s reaction? Like did Dan feel pressure? It’s obviously their business but it really made me look back ya know

obviously we only know what he's said BUT he was actively planning on coming out before ii but i think there were a lot of factors in play as to why he didn't

dan had not come out to his family yet. he said in BIG that he was planning on telling his family christmas 2017, his mum's birthday (feb 2018), and easter 2018 but ended up backing out. he obviously couldn't come out publicly until he had come out privately to his family

he was already living in a glass closet most of 2017 but then march 2018 he made ttlmt (where he made some obvious references to being not straight). people picked up on the queer signaling and dan freaked and backtracked hard in a now infamous liveshow. the liveshow was so poorly received that phil had to do some damage control and dan was clearly not doing well at all.

this part is speculation but i do think the post liveshow backlash is when dan's rosé breakdown happened/phil not thinking the tour would happen. they were working nonstop while dan was both publicly struggling with his audience and secretly struggling with the prospects of coming out

in april 2018 dan said in a liveshow that he plans on uploading a video "in june, that's a sequel to ttlmt". he was talking about filming it mid tour as well, planning on filming it while they were on a break between the uk and european dates (side note about this liveshow: it was about him privating quite a few of his old videos which looking back makes sense because he knew coming out would mean a lot of eyes on his...less than unproblematic old content but his way of going about it backfired yet again and the audience was mad at him again for some lowkey misogyny)

"the june video" became a meme because throughout ii dan would say it was coming soon ("it might be a september video, an october video, who knows")

people have pointed out that he (and phil) were probably aware that there might be some issues with coming out very publicly as gay when they were about to travel to some of the tour dates with anti lgbtq stances. i'm not saying it's why he didn't, but i don't think they didn't consider it

basically he did in fact plan to come out in 2018 and it wasn't the tour alone stopping him. which is completely fair like i cannot fathom what was going through his head when he thought he was going to come out to his family, come out to the entire world by making a massive video, go on an 80+ date world tour, move house (lets not forget they were originally scheduled to move into the forever home in 2018 too!!!) and not lose his shit??? girl.

anyway he's mentioned that BIG would have been a different video if he had come out before ii because meeting so much of his queer audience changed a lot for him which really is beautiful. i just hate that the ii era was also tough for him behind the scenes

#anon ask #long post #sorry i do be yapping

[heavenlymorals]

(Warning: There are mentions of sexism in this post because I refuse to not acknowledge the time these people were living in and what that entails for men and women.)

The saddest thing about the Arthur and Mary romance is that it didn't happen because they were plagued by the same problem- family in 1800s America and what that entailed for men and women.

In Arthur's case, it was more obvious. He felt he had a debt to the gang, a debt he could never pay back- to Dutch and Hosea, his father figures who saved him, to the men he saw as brothers in arms, to the women he had to take care of and loved, and he could never for once think for a moment that he could also be kind to himself. Arthur Morgan, a strong man, a provider, a protector, someone that people NEEDED. Never once did people in the game ask Arthur what HE wants. It's always about their needs, and Arthur, being who he is, a selfless person to selfish people, would slave away to the ends of the Earth, to hell and back, just to be that pillar that they see him as, for Arthur Morgan is a man who had the world on his shoulders and couldn't, not even once, think about giving that responsibility to another man. He never could. His family consumed him to where his truest self, his most authentic self came only in the thin pages of a leather journal and the voice of lead. His family consumed him and the love he had for Mary, this want to have for once, something truly to himself, was inconceivable. How could he leave them? How? He couldn't. No matter how much he may want to, he just can't.

For Mary? Her family consumed her long ago, as soon as she was born, for she committed the cardinal sin of being born a woman in the 1800s. Whatever ambitions she had, they were impossible. The world made her horribly dependent from the moment she was born. Her prospects was being a lady, knowing department, and securing a marriage for the sake of her family and herself, otherwise, more likely than not, she will be thrusted into poverty or shame or both. And then she met Arthur and he showed her a world beyond the gilded age and she was happy because this love she had for him was her own and her experiences were ones that she wanted, not that her family wanted. She was happy with him, so terribly happy, but her dependence on her family crushed her- socially, economically, culturally. So when her family forced her to marry Mr. Linton, she agreed and forsaked her own love because how could she abandon her family? Her elopement would shame them and make her a disgrace to her sex.

They were both trapped by their families for different reasons but in the end, they decide to put themselves first and it was already too late.

When Mary called for Arthur, it wasn't for him and if it was, she masked it up by asking him for help with her family, the family that she forsaked everything for because how could she not? And Arthur helped. By God, he helped. Not necessarily because he wants to, but that's what love has done to him. It made him the one work stallion out of many who will one day be put down by sheer exhaustion of the weight on its back and the reward of very little. And Arthur would leave and go back to the gang, because how could he leave them?

But after years of abuse, loss of personhood, and the struggles of being a woman in 1800s America, Mary decides to be selfish. She saw how her father saw her as truly less than nothing when he decided to sell a broach that belonged to her beloved mother and then to be passed on to her. All that suffering she went through meant nothing because her father has shamed the family she tried so hard to keep happy and her brother was off to college and was no longer held on by the shackles of the wayward patriarch, Mr. Gillis. She decides to be selfish and asks Arthur to run away with her, so she can finally make do on that proposal long ago to be together, married and happy.

But Arthur then makes the same decision she made all those years ago when he proposed to her. He chooses his family. They need him, but maybe now it's finally over? He can pay his debt to them, have them live happy and free, and then chase his own happiness, his own treasure in the image of a wonderful and beautiful creature by the name of Mary Linton- and maybe in the future, Mary Morgan. After over 20 years- maybe he can be selfish.

But when he realized that these people that he dedicated his life to were draining him of life and hopes and dreams and gave him nothing in return but more troubles, it was too late.

He couldn't let go of these people who ruined him and Mary realized this. Her final letter was a heartfelt goodbye because as she finally broke free of those binds that tied her, Arthur didn't or couldn't. He made the same mistake as she did all those years ago and she couldn't handle such heartbreak anymore, for their souls were slaves to them who didn't deserve it.

And when Arthur finally did break free of those soulful chains, of those people who he loved so deeply, it was too late. Sickness turned a strong man to a husk and as he choked on his blood, he could only get solace from the fact that he tried. He tried to be his authentic self, he tried to be his own man with his own actions, he tried to be good, he tried to change, he tried, and his reward?

Choking and gasping on his blood due to actions in the past he never wanted to do but did anyways because the people he loved asked him to and he just couldn't say no.

Both Mary and Arthur loved each other. Fully and deeply but as their souls were entwined, their bodies and minds were held in bondage by a man's duty to protect and provide and a woman's duty of deportment and honor to families who ruined them. Both of them expect the other to forsake their family for them, but neither of them could do that at the correct time together.

All that remains of that love, true and pure, is Mary's ring on another woman's finger through her wish that Arthur could give the ring to another couple who weren't trapped in the same duty that they were, and that if they were, they had the strength to be selfish.

What a sad, sad story of two poor souls, Arthur Morgan and Mary Linton.

#arthur morgan #mary linton #red dead redemption 2 #rdr2 #character analysis #story analysis #they make me so sad #they truly did love eachother #but it was never destined to happen due to the duties they had from both their sex #and their “duties” to their families #when they finally decided to be selfish and for once put themselves first instead of their family #it was already too late #😭😞

[writingoncloudydays]

Accidental praying

Summary: Dean has been having very explicit dreams of his best friend. Little does he know that each time he says his name, Castiel hears him. He hears every single sound Dean makes. Castiel enjoys listening to Dean; his voice makes his body shudder with each moan he hears. However, Castiel has a cracking point that ends up involving some brownies.

Warnings: Smut-sih, wet dream, fluff, making out, goes from being smutty to cute fluffy making out.

1.40k words

Life in the bunker has been more complex to adjust to than Sam and Dean thought. Not having a home for so long, only staying at shitty hotels and sleeping in baby, which was more of a struggle for Sam. With his lanky frame that clashed with the confined spaces of their temporary lodgings. He would grumble about his discomfort. The cramped seats and lack of legroom only added to his frustration, prompting Dead to fiercely defend his beloved Impala. To him, his car was more than just a transposition; it symbolised constancy in their otherwise chaotic world. 

Yet, despite the challenges, the allure of a place to call their own beckoned to them. The bunker offered sanctuary from the constant threat of danger lurking outside. They no longer had to worry about enemies breaking in or monsters lurking in the shadows. Here, they could finally relax, surrounded by familiar walls and the comforts of home.

For Sam and Dean, the prospect of real beds with clean sheets was a luxury they had long forgotten. Separate rooms meant privacy, a rarity in their line of work, where every moment was spent in each other's company. And separate bathrooms? That was practically unheard of, a small indulgence they never knew they craved until now.

As they settled into their new surroundings, Sam and Dean realised that perhaps, amidst the chaos of their lives, there was still room for a semblance of normalcy. The bunker wasn't just a shelter; it was a refuge, a place where they could finally breathe easily and be themselves. And as they embraced this newfound sense of stability, they knew that no matter what challenges lay ahead, they would face them together in the safety of their own home.

However, they would still get Castiel randomly appearing and spooking them, leading to awkward situations. For instance, when Sam walked out of his shower with only a towel, Cass startled him, which caused him to drop the towel. Sam couldn’t look him in the eye for two weeks, and his face would heat up in embarrassment. Dean found the whole situation hilarious until he had his own encounter with the angel. 

It was a typical morning. Dean did not have anything on for that day. He slept in, letting his dreams surround him. Lately, a particular angel has made a star appearance in a not-so-friendly way. The dreams are in all sorts of places around the bunker, his room, the table in the library, against most of the walls, and Dean favoured the kitchen. The kitchen always felt like his second home, cooking for Sam, drinking after a long hunt, and talking with Castiel. However, lately, he has been unable to enter the room without getting hot flashes of all the different ways Castiel had his way with him.

Dean woke from another one of dreams, the sheet sticking to his body, his breath heavy, his chest rising and falling fast. Panting, he lets out a groan, his cock staining against his boxers, a stain of pre cum can be seen forming. Dean kicks the sheet off to ease his discomfort, letting the cool air flow over his body. The air does little to nothing to cool his body temperature, only making his nipples peak and adding to his Harding cock.

His eyes are heavy with sleep groaning from the familiar feeling of his cock straining against his boxers. Rubbing his face, letting his mind wander to how Castiel's hands and mouth felt on him, grabbing and manhandling as he pleased.

“Fuck Cass.” He groaned and ran his hands down his face.

“Yes, Dean?” His voice mixed with the sound of his wings fluttering.

"FUCK Cass!" Dean's voice now panicked, jumping to cover his hard-on with the blanket. "What are you doing here?" He asked, trying to calm down, though the thought of being caught by Castiel moaning his name had Deam squirming under his gaze.

“You called me. Are you hurt?” Castiel said, doing his adorable head tile when he was confused as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Dean blushed like a schoolboy around his crush.

"Your breathing is all rushed, and you're quite red in the face and sweating. Are you sick?" Castiel starts making his way over to Dean before he shouts.

"Wait, it's fine, Cass, just leave," Dean stated quickly while bringing his knees to rest against his chest to hide his hard cock from Castiel's gaze. At Dean's request, Castiel stops moving towards him, his eyes roaming his body, slowly taking in Dean's beautiful sight. From his flushed face, making his freckles more noticeable. He would sit, hold his face, and count them if Dean let him. His broad shoulders were slightly shaky, his breathing was heavy, and sweat beads were running down his stomach following the outline of Dean's abs. The sight makes Castile groan, the growing urge to sit on his knees in between Dean's legs and lick up his chest, run his hands over his pecs, and kiss him till he is no longer breathing. He doesn't act on his thoughts, only nodding, heading to the door and closing it behind him.

Dean cusses and jumps out of his bed to head to the shower to deal with his problem and his plan to try and avoid Cass Castiel for the rest of the day. Which didn’t end up being too hard as the angel seemed to have disappeared to who knows where, not that Dean cared.

Whenever Dean is upset, he ends up in the same place as always, in the kitchen, with a beer and brownie mix on the table. Baking has become one of Dean's favourite time escapes—no stress, just something fun to do. Dean places all the ingredients in the bowl and mixes them, slowly folding them together before pouring them into the oven tray. Perfect.

Dean must wait until they are done cooking or when he gets too impatient and eats them raw. Being too distracted with the baking, he didn't notice the familiar sound of wings fluttering into the kitchen. He needs to start paying more attention to carefully placing the tray in the oven. Greeting Castiel with a perfect view of his ass, his gaze darkens, watching Dean's hips sway a little. Closing the oven and setting the timer for 15 minutes before standing up straight and taking a swing of his beer.

Dean's heart raced as he processed the whirlwind of sensations Cass's close proximity induced. "Ah, Jesus, Cass, you gave me a heart attack," he blurted out, trying to regain composure.

Cass, unfazed, responded, "You show no sign of having a heart attack, and what does Jesus have to do with it?"

Dean chuckled nervously, attempting to brush it off. "It's a metaphor, Cass, don't worry," he said, realizing how close Cass was and feeling his face flush with heat.

Dean struggled to focus as Cass leaned in closer, trapping Dean with his muscular arms. Cass's disregard for personal space was both exhilarating and disorienting. "Um, need anything else, Cass?" Dean stumbled over his words, excited as Cass smirked and locked eyes with him.

Cass's gaze lingered on Dean's lips, sending shivers down Dean's spine. "No, I'm not trying to kill you," Cass replied cryptically, his hands moving closer to Dean's body.

Caught off guard, Dean's mind raced as he tried to process Cass's intentions. "I-I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean to," Dean stuttered nervously, feeling Cass's hands gently resting on his hips.

But Cass's reassurance and comforting touch melted Dean's nervousness away. "You have nothing to be nervous about, Dean," Cass murmured, his lips tantalizingly close to Dean's.

Dean felt emboldened by Cass's words, drawn to Cass's lips, his heart pounding with anticipation. Dean surrendered to the moment's intensity as their lips met passionately, wrapping his arms around Cass's neck.

Their kiss deepened as Cass's hands roamed over Dean's body, igniting a fiery desire within him. Lost in the heat of the moment, Dean gasped for breath as Cass's lips trailed down his neck, leaving a trail of fiery kisses in their wake.

But Sam and Dean's sudden entrance abruptly interrupted their passionate embrace, causing Dean to crash back into reality. Flustered and embarrassed, Dean quickly tried to deflect attention from their intimate moment, only to be teased mercilessly by the Winchester brothers. Dean couldn't shake the lingering sensation of Cass's touch as the chaos unfolded around them, his mind already wandering.

#supernatural #dean x castiel #castiel #dean winchester #castiel novak #small writer #fluff #making out #Sam being awkward and interrupting them #destiel

[rosepompadour]

JULIE CHRISTIE rests between takes on location for DOCTOR ZHIVAGO, 1965

#julie christie #doctor zhivago #the silver screen #marshmallow worlds #* #this is a christmas movie #much like die hard #but with bolshies #i first read the novel during my freshman year of college #and every week we had to go to a seminar where we were supposed to talk about our ~new exciting lives and being away from home etc #and the professor was like 'sarah rose! what is on your mind?' #me: 'yeah why does pasternak kill off lara guishar in just a few lines?' #professor: 'pasternak? don't you have any questions about college?' #me: 'no. this is literally the only thing on my mind right now.' #i wasn't even reading it for a class #i was just a girl with her priorities in order 💅🏻

[blazeball]

just like sitting here half angry and half devastated as it once again sinks in that i'll never be able to go back to when blaseball was happening and fun and beautiful

#i get this feeling like. once a week at least #its just so sad it always makes me so sad #i am happy it happened and wouldn't trade it for the world... but i am so sad #the thing is. the thing is. i could tell that blaseball was kinda. going downhill. like it wasn't what it once was #tgb was right when they said it was a game born from the pandemic and lockdown #and it was hard for it to like. live. in a world where that wasn't tge reality for a lot of people anymore #sighs so so sadly. i just miss her always #quincy.txt

[themthistles]

i think that while micro labels can seem useful and affirming ultimately they're isolating and kind of an obstacle to your understanding of self. that's because you can never find a word specific enough. there will never be a label or two labels or even ten, twenty of them to perfectly capture and describe all of your thoughts, feelings, experiences, preferences, needs, interests, identities, etc. because you learn more and more about yourself every day and then you change and your wants and needs change with you. having to hop between labels, fearing that you don't 'fit' into a label anymore (both in your own and others eyes), worrying how soon your current label will wear out, questioning if you'll ever fully fit a single one. all that causes a lot of uncertainty and anxiety which could be avoided by just picking a more general thing and molding it according to what it means to YOU. because words will always mean different things to different people, you will never be understood immediately and maybe never completely by anyone but yourself and that's fine

#another thing is that micro labels often feel like they fracture the community unnecessarily #idk how many times i've seen fighting over hyperspecific ace labels and what they mean and if people described in them even belong #and honestly i think this discourse wouldn't be so vile and neverending if people accepted the idea of falling under general umbrella #and accepted that you can't describe complicated weird and wonderful act of human existence with a couple of words #you don't need to explain yourself to anyone #i know in our present pronouns/sexuality/gender in bio carrd era it feels like you have to but you really don't #people aren't entitled to a short summary of your inner world and you can't speed run connection #also feel the need to say: i have nothing against people who use micro labels #if you feel like your micro label describes you perfectly? i'm really glad and happy for you #i'm just expressing my own thoughts and feelings that come from personal experience with exploring these things #at some point i started doubting if i could call myself a lesbian #i thought oh i'm not exactly what a lot of people generally think of when they hear that word #oh they'll misunderstand and i'm not being my 'true self' i'll find a word that fits me exactly if i just keep looking #and then i found out being aroace is a thing and boy did that add a lot of anxiety and confusion to the pot #i didn't feel like i fit in with both communities wasn't lesbian enough wasn't aroace enough #but at some point i just got tired of trying to justify myself to others and to myself #identities aren't houses you live in they're more like seas or rivers flowing into one another #and spaces where they intersect are vague and hard to define and they shift and change and this metaphor is getting away from me #basically #words are complicated #but they're the only direct way we humans can communicate #it is what it is #so make art #a lot of it #oh also unrelated but if you ever tell older queer folks that they're using wrong words to describe themselves i am going to jump you

[the-apples-were-monitored]

this is going to be a very uncomfortable and potentially triggering conversation so i suggest you scroll past if you have a lot of empathy because this isn't fun at all

also wanna preface this by saying i'm not interested in spreading conspiracy theories or "truther" claims because i feel that's incredibly disrespectful and potentially harmful to the people that need the most help. any allusions to unverified rumors will be presented as uncorroborated, not as fact (only bringing them up because i know that's the kind of rumor floating around and i don't want to seem like i'm participating somehow in dismissing concerns). because we simply don't know. and it's not our business.

i've had this bad feeling about amanda bynes for the past decade. it's the same pattern we've seen with child stars over and over again. the drugs, the mental breakdown, the conservatorship. but i pushed those nagging thoughts away. i didn't have the bandwidth at the time because i was living in an abusive household when her most public battles were happening. i didn't have the time or the emotional understanding to put towards what was happening to her even as i felt it mirrored what i was going through or what my mom was going through. then i found out about dan schneider a few years ago. i didn't really engage with the rumor and speculation about him - i was in my early 20s when this all broke and i didn't know most of the shows he'd been involved with except by the fact that my younger siblings watched them. i'd been an amanda bynes fan - hugely into the amanda show and what i like about you. my siblings watched drake and josh, icarly, and victorious. i didn't have the emotional bandwidth at the time to look into what people were saying. i knew it would upset me if i learned too much. but i couldn't stop thinking about amanda.

i heard about quiet on set from news websites. i saw the headlines about drake bell. it shook me to my core. the things i was reading were horrific and immediately put me in mind of what my sister went through as a teenage survivor of repeated sexual abuse by a man who was trusted with our care. she'd had a huge crush on drake when we were growing up. i wonder if she's heard about this.

this immediately made me think about amanda again. this time i couldn't push the thought away. i guess i'm finally ready to process the way this whole situation has felt to me.

the way people talk about amanda reminds me of how people in the 50s talked about judy garland. child star with incredible talent, far beyond her years, with incredible charm and personality and the whole world at her fingertips. everyone loved working with her. until she became erratic and had a mental breakdown fueled by drugs. (you could even argue there were parallels because both women were frequently typecast as the wholesome girl next door and not really allowed to break out of that infantilizing box.) and no one could ever think why. why does this happen.

i've come to believe that mental illness always has a cause. brain chemistry fucked up by trauma, whether that's long-term stress or a singular event or repeated traumas stacking on top of each other. the mind can't cope. i really, truly believe something horrific happened to amanda bynes. and i know people will say, well, maybe it wasn't dan schneider. she was doing fine for years after she stopped working with him. i want to make one thing very clear. trauma doesn't always manifest symptoms immediately. not everyone comes out of a trauma looking shell shocked. i know from my experience because i didn't have my breakdown until a year after my abuser was exposed and i'm still feeling the consequences to my psyche to this day. and i think it must be difficult for child stars to process this trauma. the pattern i've seen is the child star endures something terrible, gets incredible fame and begins taking on more and more pressure, then when this isn't enough to make them happy they turn to drugs. you think because they got out that it would all just go away? no. they were raised to play characters so they played those characters. there was incredible pressure to just play those characters because that's what the fans want. having struggles isn't part of the brand. it had to be especially rough on nick stars because there wasn't much separation between them and the characters they played. it was the amanda show. drake and josh used their real first names. the separation between who they were and who the character was was probably a very blurred line.

i wonder how long this documentary has been in production. tracking down these people and petitioning courts had to have taken ages. amanda was supposed to be at 90s con last year but cancelled due to illness and had another psychotic episode. 90s con itself may have been a trigger for her, but if someone had reached out to her or if she'd heard about this production...i could see that triggering her and making her relive the horror she went through. there are so many unsubstantiated rumors floating around. i can't speak to whether she was high on adderall during that interview when she was 12 (she could've just been a hyper child but they could've been pulling a judy garland on her and i don't trust these people plus she's said she got hooked on adderall when she was a teenager for weight loss but she may not feel comfortable disclosing if the studio has her under NDA). i can't verify if that side twitter actually belonged to amanda. it could be some sicko thought it was funny to accuse her boss of knocking her up and forcing her to get an abortion at 13 or accusing her father of various things.

but i get why she wouldn't speak up because people won't believe her no matter what she says. i went through something and people in my hometown still debate whether i'm crazy or lying for attention. my family did everything they could to put me under control and get me diagnosed as paranoid or delusional so they wouldn't face justice. (really don't get me started on how the mental healthcare system is used by abusers to cover up their sins.) i wouldn't put it past her parents to do that, especially considering amanda had a bad relationship with them as a teenager which sent her further into that groomer's clutches. she doesn't owe us anything because it'll start a firestorm that could retrigger her as people debate if she's delusional or scrutinize her past mistakes to determine if she's a perfect enough victim to deserve sympathy.

which brings me to drake bell. i knew he was the victim before i watched the doc but it still gave me chills when he sat down in that chair. like it felt like the air drained from the room. it was so obvious that what he went through has affected him so deeply and that he had no one to turn to. my abuser had so much community support, so many people making us out to be lying opportunistic bitches. i can't imagine having to carry that secret. i wonder if the people around him can pinpoint it in retrospect when he started being different. i want the other kids on set to know that it's not their fault they didn't know and that they had a bad opinion of him at some point. my sister and i were pitted against each other by the man who assaulted her and it's only with context later that i can see what was going on. i have no doubt that schneider employed these tactics so no one would feel comfortable disclosing what happened to them.

i admit that i cried watching the drake bell episode. that had to be incredibly difficult for him to open up about it after all these years and i hope he can get some closure and that someone starts a support group for these former nick stars.

and to drake bell himself. you were a child. you had no idea what grooming looks like. most grown people don't seem to know what grooming looks like based on how they talk about these issues. you are not at fault for what that man did to you or not knowing how to handle it. you didn't do anything to encourage this and you're not at fault.

and to his father. i appreciate that you did what you could to try to protect him. my mother had a similar experience trying to protect us from my abuser but everyone assumed she was psychotic and had her put away. try not to blame yourself when you were the lone voice of reason and everyone else insisted you were in the wrong. i do have fault to throw on amanda bynes' parents to some degree depending on what part of all this is true, but i can't find fault with drake bell's father who did try when he saw something wrong.

and i'm sorry but dan being super nice to drake afterwards seems like an attempt to make himself look better and get another hit show. i don't believe for a second that dan didn't know anything or that he had any motives beyond making his own star rise. he wanted to churn out product, and couldn't have that product if drake bell was visibly distraught.

i want to know how many people have known it was drake for 20 years and said nothing. how many people were in peck's side of the courtroom and yet still had the audacity to think this child was at fault in some way. that's vile and utterly unforgivable.

i just want to end this by saying to leave these people alone. don't harass anyone who hasn't spoken up because they may not be in a headspace where it's healthy of them to say anything. they don't owe us any explanation of why.

#this hit me incredibly hard i'm sorry #quiet on set #rape tw #abuse tw #i'm not addressing the jamie lynn spears rumors because it's ghoulish to speculate when she wasn't even a subject of the doc #i hope she's found some healing and honestly it is unforgivable how the public slutshamed a 16 year old #finding out from my sources that people at the time joked that dan knocked her up like #i'm sorry? you slutshamed her and made jokes and made light of a potential rapist??? #i will throw hands #also asking people to not bring up the past actions of drake bell or amanda bynes in this discussion #they're not perfect victims but nobody is #a vulnerable child is a vulnerable child and i would like to live in a world where we focus on prevention so people don't grow up disturbed

[langernameohnebedeutung]

I'm just saying, they could totally make a (borderlands-style) Stephen King's Desperation/Far Cry kind of story/game/whatever about some off-worlder, maybe someone anti-Hyperion getting stuck in Lynchwood (possibly getting stranded on Pandora and thinking that this place might be civilised and bandit-free) and hoping to get out of there (but also out of the desert and off Pandora). Possibly even working as a prequel to Nisha's death in Borderlands 2 somehow.

#Lynchwood is such an insane place to me #borderlands #fandom #like I think my biggest squabble with the direction the borderlands franchise is headed in --- is that it's becoming too civilised #and that also has to do with the fact that we've seen other planets now other than Pandora #One thing I think especially Borderlands 1 got right was how hostile this world was #how dead and terrifying and how utterly alone you are there #and I think that's also part of the reason why the jokes worked differently #i don't know it's hard to put into words #but think about the first game when you arrive in Fyrestone #and you see the weird shacks everyone was living in - #and then the graveyard where the whole village is lying #and borderlands 2 opened pretty much the same way- #you arrive in the village and Hammerlock asks you to clean the graveyard where all the town inhabitants are #like...Pandora was so hostile to human life and you could rarely ever escape that #so the surreality of people just LIVING there was really tightly interwoven into everything #In Pre-Sequel ...I mean you can literally just suffocate out there #and even in Tales you have the absolute inhumanity of Hyperion - but also the reactions of Rhys and Vaughn to Pandora #and I feel like...especially in Borderlands 3 that horror factor wasn't quite there anymore

[byanyan]

me two years ago: byan has always been a little bastard. awful nasty child who intentionally used their big doe eyes to manipulate people

me now: byan used to be a soft baby who just wanted love and acceptance, who slowly became hardened and selfish in order to survive when they realized they'd never get what they needed

#'two years ago' I say like I wasn't still holding onto some of these headcanons at the beginning of this year #tbf a lot of the shift has come directly from translating them from their original setting into a more realistic modern one #original byan's setting was a lot more doom and gloom and a lot more pessimism and cruelty consistent across everyone within it #they grew up fully on the streets and taking care of themself so they learned from a VERY young age how to get what they wanted/needed #and felt no qualms bc like. literally everyone was just trying to survive however they could #so they kinda had to be nasty from the start #but NOW...... ironically I feel like their backstory is more tragic bc they're in this 'normal' world where people all around them #have things better than they do. people around them have everything they want and need and they just have to watch longingly #all while being told that lives like those of most of the kids around them are the norm #THEY'RE the outsider. THEY'RE the one who's not normal. #so growing up they actually try SO HARD to be what people want them to be while also trying to fight to be who they are #and it's just. never good enough. THEY'RE never good enough. #it really changes the entire vibe of the character (': #hi good morning don't mind me I'm just emotional over byan's development as a character over the last two and a half years #━━ ˟ ⊰ ✰ ooc ⋮ don’t @ me.

[strqyr]

i have my fair share of crack theories, but...

'the girl who fell through the world' and 'the boy who fell from the sky'?

raven and qrow. that's why they have magic. they're not from remnant.

i will not elaborate further.

#that's a lie i will but i will do so in the tags #they lost their memories that's why they don't remember #qrow is literally the scarecrow #'losing his mind' 'no brain' -> memory go poof #and huginn and muninn are 'thought' and 'memory' #one meaning for 'higanbana' is 'lost memory' #and raven literally says in 'a perfect storm'; 'either i'm losing my memory or you've all lost your spine' #you could say she has lost her spine so maybe she lost her memory too #hard to say about the boy because not much is known about this story #but the girl (alyx) ran away from consequences of a choice (sounds like raven) #and when she finally made it back home she was sad because she wasn't the same girl anymore #yang could end up in the world where raven and qrow are originally from #(maybe she learns how to use her shapeshifting magic there because it's natural to that place and people living there) #and then raven and maybe qrow portal there #and it's sad because they don't remember anything and they're not like the kids the people (their family?) there remember either #they still recognize them but like. who hurt them #anyway #yes this is more fanfic than even a crack theory but like #i'm having fun and that's what matters #'kthxbye

[gideonisms]

thought about working a job again 20 dead 40 injured

#thought about existing in the world again 20 dead etc #would love to get to the point where thinking about having to live my life instead of sitting in my apartment doesn't make me cry! #eventually my savings from 2 years of the soul killing job + living with my aunt will run out #not like. right now or even within the next few months bc. i worked so hard to save all of that bc i knew i was about to crash again #but eventually #like. when i got that job i did have to come home and cry a lot until i adjusted and then i only cried sometimes #it got to where i would have my 2-3 predictable breakdowns a month pause everything to have the breakdown #call in or skip class or whatever #and then recover faster #but the fact is i was still having like screaming in my car breakdowns a couple times a month #i was just like waiting for a private location #if i think about continuing to do that forever i really want to throw up #you can never explain why sometimes you have to isolate yourself completely for a bit either! #what are you even supposed to say #i got really good at being like oh i'm just tired from work need a nap! #but then people could tell i wasn't doing anything but going to work and coming home and getting in bed #idk how i passed those classes #i mean i didn't pass all of them #most #it's just like life is so stressful and you can't even explain why and people's advice is stop getting overwhelmed #i would also like to stop!! #or they'll be like just find a less stressful job! where?? i've tried

[kindacreepy-kindaugly]

i don't know what to do

#doll #do i leave? do i try to fix it even if it means startin over again? am i overreacting? #i'm just avoiding him n i should probably take some space but #i'm......scared. #i thought i wasn't scared of him anymore #if he lied about this what else was just him tellin me what i wanna hear #when he said he wouldn't stop me from leavin? #(physically. at least he was honest enough to admit he'd probably try everything in his power to make me change my mind) #n i mean i don't even wanna break up for good. i don't wanna give up on him. i love him. #maybe i'm just stupid but i really think he loves me too. at this point it's the only thing he's said i'm not questioning #it's just that for the first time in my life i'm not sure it's enough #n he just....doesn't know how to. n i'm gettin so tired of tryin to show him when he's fightin it all the way #i'm just. so sad. it's hard to breathe. i wanna be angry w/ him but maybe i was just stupid to trust him like that #i know by now i can live without him even if he'll always be the only one for me (cause he is n i'll always love him) #but i don't wanna face a world where it's not enough that you just love each other. where it breaks anyway. #spdrvent

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #thinking about how I'm too loud too rough too much for so many people #there was a neighborhood yard that all the kids would go to jump on the trampoline and wrestle and I would accidentally hurt other kids #I was too unaware and too unrestrained and weirdly enough I kept on accidentally sinking my teeth into others (genuinely accident no lie) #and. idk. a lot of the scars on my body were deliberate but a lot were accidental. my hands and fingers are covered in slices #bigger ones from the hand saw. smaller ones from my knives. a permanent dent in my calf from a biking accident #I feel like I've always been just a little too much for people and I feel like some kind of animal that was never meant to be kept inside. #I'm sorry for biting too hard I was not created to be friends with something so delicate as you. #do I tag this as therian? I don't think so but now that I've typed it someone will find it in three months like they do with my tag talks. #I feel too much for even my own body. my skin too delicate for my own actions. #my dick is covered in scars where I've just ripped the skin from too much yanking. the joke is death grip but I'm two steps past that. #this is relevant because I accidentally made my gf sore af the other night because I used my strong hand not my dexterous hand #like.. sorry I hurt you I wasn't careful enough I didn't remember to turn myself down to sixty percent #I forget to turn my volume down I'll hurt you. I forget to turn my power down I'll crush you. I forget to turn my speed down I'll hit you. #spirit made for a stronger body. energy made for a larger society. hands made for tougher people. heart made for stronger friends. #I get too energetic and have to spread myself out to multiple people I mention this and they say “why don't I ever get to see you like that? #you get to see part of me. you think you see the entire god but you only see the finger reaching out to touch you. #I show too much and you burn. your face glows with the afteraffect of my radiance. #I open my mouth to breathe freely and you char from the flames I let out. I kiss you and your cheek singes from my heat. #how do I live in a world full of fine china shops when I am a bull? #a traveler washed up on the shore of a land full of people with chairs too tiny for me to sit on.

[wiildroses]

tag drop 1/??

🌹 ( 𝐁. 𝐒𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓 ) : beautiful wildflower grow untamed

🌹 ( 𝐊. 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐇 ) : never trust your fears they don't know your strength

🌹 ( 𝐑. 𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐄 ) : a queen will always turn pain into power

🌹 ( 𝐉. 𝐉𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐔 ) : she conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings

🌹 ( 𝐂. 𝐎𝐒𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐃 ) : she's a mess of gorgeous chaos and you can see it in her eyes

🌹 ( 𝐑. 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘 ) : you're a sunday morning kind of beauty

🌹 ( 𝐂. 𝐉𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒 ) : she was everything real in a world of make-believe

🌹 ( 𝐌. 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐒 ) : sometimes an angel‚ sometimes a hell-raiser‚ always a strong woman

🌹 ( 𝐊. 𝐒𝐎𝐇𝐌𝐀 ) : she’s the perfect amount of chaos and peace

🌹 ( 𝐓. 𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐀 ) : a soft spirit in a hard world

🌹 ( 𝐀𝐇𝐍 𝐆𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐆 ) : she is a mess but she’s a masterpiece

🌹 ( 𝐂𝐇𝐀 𝐇𝐘𝐄𝐎𝐍 ) : she’s the perfect amount of chaos and peace

🌹 ( 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐘 ) : she was an ocean of sunsets and riptides

🌹 ( 𝐍𝐀𝐊𝐒𝐔 / 𝐌𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐎𝐊 ) : she rose from the ashes and danced in the fire

🌹 ( 𝐏𝐎𝐍𝐘𝐎 ) : let the waves carry you where the light cannot

🌹 ( 𝐉. 𝐖𝐄𝐒𝐓 ) : she wasn't fragile like a flower; she was fragile like a bomb

🌹 ( 𝐊. 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐍 ) : remember to live while you're busy surviving

🌹 ( 𝐋. 𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐅𝐎𝐍𝐆 ) : with a spine of steel and a roar like thunder she will rise

🌹 ( 𝐕. 𝐒𝐀𝐖𝐘𝐄𝐑 ) : she's such a soft thing and still lets everything made of fire run so wild in her veins

🌹 ( 𝐀. 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐀 ) : the ocean taught her to love and to let go

🌹 ( 𝐂. 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐒 ) : she is a rose; delicate as a petal but strong as a thorn

#🌹 ( 𝐁. 𝐒𝐀𝐑𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐓 ) : beautiful wildflower grow untamed #🌹 ( 𝐊. 𝐒𝐌𝐈𝐓𝐇 ) : never trust your fears they don't know your strength #🌹 ( 𝐑. 𝐆𝐄𝐎𝐑𝐆𝐄 ) : a queen will always turn pain into power #🌹 ( 𝐉. 𝐉𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐔 ) : she conquered her demons and wore her scars like wings #🌹 ( 𝐂. 𝐎𝐒𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐃 ) : she's a mess of gorgeous chaos and you can see it in her eyes #🌹 ( 𝐑. 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐘 ) : you're a sunday morning kind of beauty #🌹 ( 𝐂. 𝐉𝐎𝐍𝐄𝐒 ) : she was everything real in a world of make-believe #🌹 ( 𝐌. 𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐎𝐒 ) : sometimes an angel‚ sometimes a hell-raiser‚ always a strong woman #🌹 ( 𝐊. 𝐒𝐎𝐇𝐌𝐀 ) : she’s the perfect amount of chaos and peace #🌹 ( 𝐓. 𝐇𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐀 ) : a soft spirit in a hard world #🌹 ( 𝐀𝐇𝐍 𝐆𝐀𝐘𝐄𝐎𝐍𝐆 ) : she is a mess but she’s a masterpiece #🌹 ( 𝐂𝐇𝐀 𝐇𝐘𝐄𝐎𝐍 ) : she’s the perfect amount of chaos and peace #🌹 ( 𝐒𝐔𝐍𝐍𝐘 ) : she was an ocean of sunsets and riptides #🌹 ( 𝐍𝐀𝐊𝐒𝐔 / 𝐌𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐎𝐊 ) : she rose from the ashes and danced in the fire #🌹 ( 𝐏𝐎𝐍𝐘𝐎 ) : let the waves carry you where the light cannot #🌹 ( 𝐉. 𝐖𝐄𝐒𝐓 ) : she wasn't fragile like a flower; she was fragile like a bomb #🌹 ( 𝐊. 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐍 ) : remember to live while you're busy surviving #🌹 ( 𝐋. 𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐅𝐎𝐍𝐆 ) : with a spine of steel and a roar like thunder she will rise #🌹 ( 𝐕. 𝐒𝐀𝐖𝐘𝐄𝐑 ) : she's such a soft thing and still lets everything made of fire run so wild in her veins #🌹 ( 𝐀. 𝐂𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐀 ) : the ocean taught her to love and to let go #🌹 ( 𝐂. 𝐑𝐎𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐄𝐒 ) : she is a rose; delicate as a petal but strong as a thorn

[inkskinned]

no, actually, where is the whimsy?

my ex had a best friend named larry who asked me once: what do you think comes after irony?

we were at the bar where larry worked. it was a quiet night, and he'd hopped over to sit with us on the patron side. i swirled the lemon around my limoncello martini.

earnest positivity, i said, while my ex said, art self-destructs.

i stared at my ex. he stared at me.

his argument was the cinemasins argument: look how bad media is becoming! look at the loopholes and the dumb shit!

it was roughly 2011. galaxy print was still in. at the time, i had a favorite shirt that was a wolf howling at the moon. it got ripped in half in the wash and i honestly still mourn it. i dressed like effie stonem, because everyone did. and irony was the name of the thing. men liked MLP "ironically." the internet liked the kind of crass, "anti-mainstream" vibes of things like fuck romance, touch my butt and buy me pizza. we put cats in sunglasses everywhere, which was because we only liked things in irony.

and media had the same vibe in it: anti-hero white men would be "hard to love" and then storm off the scene. nobody was just earnestly trying to save the world: they were jaded, angry, unoriginal. mad you even asked them to try to help.

my ex ends up not being wrong. cinemasins becomes super popular. a lot of people start viewing media with this lens that is the cruelest, most jaded depiction. it's wrong for your character to have unexplained powers, even if the entire movie is about how strange it is she has unexplained powers - that is still considered a "loophole." characters make thoughtless, panicked choices? loophole. characters are actually kind people, despite hardship? loophole. features a woman doing literally anything without assistance? loophole. movies become hyper-aware of scrutiny, and now irony rules the media.

which means you go to a movie, and the character has to turn to the screen and say "beats me!!" or one of the side characters has to have some kind of quip like "are you seriously telling me that you think this is normal?" because nothing can happen in earnest. like a sitcom laugh track, we now anticipate the fourth-wall break: the moment that the media acknowledges it is telling a story. the media has to apologize for itself, or else someone like my ex rolls their eyes.

but here's the thing: i wasn't wrong either.

the difference might be that i am (and always have been) so soft-hearted that any crack in the light of this world will spear me into the ground. and i was the poet in the relationship. (he thought that was the same thing as being naïve and stupid). i was making things daily. i knew how all of us artists are driven by some strange desire to evolve. he notably liked to critique art, not to create it.

so yes, i've made things that are bitter and angry and even ironic. i've made long, sharp poems with all capital letters, and i've made poems about how the silence stretches out like a song. someone wrote once that we will spend our whole lives just circling the place we grew up. i think it's more that we spend our whole lives trying to remake a home. i think it's that as we age, it becomes less exciting to build the castle on the beach - we become aware of erosion, of windforce. we realize what we really want is to come home to our dog, castle or not.

and while art in the foreground is mired in white male violence and irony, and aggression, and not taking anything seriously - i don't think that's true of all art. i think more and more artists are leaning in to the things we love. the world has changed so much. they have taken so many things from us. the only thing we have left is love. at the bottom of the moving box - all we get is the faint sense that we have to appreciate what little we've got. i can't enjoy this stuff ironically anymore: what room do i have for irony? if it makes me happy, that is an amazing thing. there are so few happy places left for me. i want to be happy because of how leaves shiver beside each other like nestling birds. i want to be happy because of the color pink, and how magenta doesn't exist. i have spent so much of this life suffering, i have earned my right to a gentle ending. if nothing matters, i get to assign meaning to the nothing. i get to create meaning. i am an artist first and foremost, which means creation is my thing.

where is the whimsy? wherever i fucking put it. because if this is my last fucking chance to do any good in this world - i want to do it earnestly. i want to write things that make you happy. that make people feel heard and seen. what comes after irony has to be positivity.

it was close to my 21st birthday. in 7 years, i would end up writing a book about this relationship, which is hopefully coming out somewhere around May 2024. i come back to this bar scene in my memories a lot. i keep thinking of how pale my ex was. the look that crossed his face. how i looked back at him. how for a moment, both of us couldn't recognize the other person. like the gulf between us was a suddenly wide and cavernous thing. like we were alien to each other. he never took my opinion seriously, and he always seemed surprised whenever his manic-pixie-dream-girl ever broke free of the plot. like in the whole time we were together, i wasn't human enough.

this knowledge: where he said nothing comes after, my only instinct was what comes after is love.

#spilled ink #writeblr #this is a real story lol #looking back i liked larry as a person SO much more than my ex hollyyyyy shitttt #compulsory heterosexuality will do you DIRTY #edit to correct effies name my apologies to effie and effies family