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sockcanvas · 5 months

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Apricity¹

(n.) the warmth of the sun in the winter¹

⚘. A oneshot [559 words]

⟣ ──┈⇢˚⋆ Pairing : Kim Joon Goo + G/N.Reader

⟣ ──┈⇢˚⋆ c/w : Hurt Comfort | Established Relationship

⟣ ──┈⇢˚⋆ a/n : 😛i feel like finishing my bsd drafts later, rn i want Goo content. Holy fuck im putting a lot of brain power and effort to write this crap, ugh let me know if this writing style is dookie caca or not cause i spend like half my time going through dictionary and thesaurus for synonyms LOL. timeline after CHAPTER 477 without the upload of chapter 478 cuz idk what happens after. Honestly first writing a fic after 3 years of not💪

synopsis . ₊˚. You were the sun to his cold winter days.

Erratic.

That’s one way to describe Goo. He was unpredictable by nature. Facetious² by choice. Kim Joon Goo is an enigma. You couldn’t understand his eccentric personality at first, how his lips always curved upwards into a large smile, or whenever his eyes wrinkle when he forcefully closes them to express himself. He was the most fervid³ person you knew.

But what was that crease between his eyebrows? the slight droop in his eyes, the downward curve from the corner of his mouth. There was a subtle tension, a stiffness, a moment of silence, one that contradicted his exuberance⁴.

His head pulled away from your touch, expression shrouded in an evasive look. Unbeknownst to you, your hands had been gently caressing his cheeks. The unusual glimpse of melancholy crossing his features along with the slightest of recoil brought you back into reality. Just earlier in the morning he had boasted loquaciously⁵ about the suit and sunglasses that he borrowed begged from his colleague, yet that suit was long gone from him, you’ve seen it draped over a chair earlier. It’s fabric stained a suspicious red, bearing large scars on its back—a silent witness to an untold story.

Your brows knitted in reaction to his unexpected withdrawal, a rare occurrence. Goo, who would typically lean into the warmth of your affection touches, now, altered from his usual demeanor. He turned away, back facing you, a deliberate motion that casted a shadow over your attempt to share a moment of intimacy.

“Goo.. is everything okay?” breaking the silence, your words slipped out with hesitation. Seeking a reply to an already obvious answer. There was a long pause, the seconds stretching into an eternity. Amidst the quiet, there was subtle murmur of dubiety⁶. Then, finally, a sound that cuts through the hush— a soft shift, the slightest of movement that spoke loudly in the muted space. The room itself held its breath, ambiance caught in a delicate flash.

“You don’t have to talk, it's okay,” you reassured, words laced with gentle understanding. In the stillness, your voice offered a comfort to bridge the tense gap. Once more, you guessed the role of your silent companion, seeking to provide solace⁷ in the face of unexpressed turmoil. You scoot close to him, navigating the emotional distance as you close the gap physically. Even though he was still turned away, your hands delicately snake over his face, fingers gently securing into a hug. Head pressed against the borrowed collared shirt that carried a faint smell of metallic blood and the overwhelming stench of debris and sweat.

As your hands intertwined one another, you could almost feel the tension dissolve. His once stiff body melted into your touch, a shared vulnerability that bounded you both. The room, suspended in a graceful balance between the unspoken and the understood. The final vestiges⁸ of unease lifted like a veil, as his soft breath matches yours.

You were radiant to him. Your patience, a beacon to contradict his sea of antics, served as a guiding light to his jungle of unpredictability. No matter the circumstances that painted the canvas of your existence, the relationship you have with Goo never wavered, You were like a dock he could come home to, an steadfast anchor, a haven that weathered the storms of his nature, the sun to his cold winter days.

(adj.) facetious² | treating serious issues with deliberately inappropriate humor; flippant.

(adj.) fervid³ | intensely enthusiastic or passionate, especially to an excessive degree.

(n.) exuberance⁴ | the quality of being full of energy, excitement, and cheerfulness; ebullience.

(advv.) loquaciously⁵ | a tendency to talk a lot

(n.) dubiety⁶ | the state or quality of being doubtful; uncertainty.

(n.) solace⁷ | comfort or consolation in a time of distress or sadness.

(n.) vestiges⁸ | a trace of something that is disappearing or no longer exists.

#goo kim x reader #goo kim #kim joongoo x reader #kim joongoo #lookism #lookism x reader #idk what im doing #me after not writing for 3 years and coming back to write this?#goo is little spoon lol

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definitelynotshouting · 6 months

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Hello again! Im so sorry to hear you feeling well when i sent in my ask the other day :( hoping that the life series drop tmrw will provide a much needed distraction for whatever you need it to :)

-☀️

"I know the, um, this morning didn't go… very well… but… if I could—""

"Good, he thinks, but it's a rote sentiment, not half so vicious as it had been only hours earlier."

- oh??? 👀 i am looking

- Im assuming this is the meeting they had about taking grian back to hermitcraft (and the revelation that grian feeds on emotions to survive)?? Very curious

- Now that metaphor about the childhood coat being stained is a lot more painful

-☀️

"even stolen energy can't make up for that."

"everything he'd never had the first time he— well, when Grian, the real Grian— had died."

- "stolen energy" omg i am biting ankles over this.

- And the "real Grian" thing. Yeah

- This is one of those moments where grian's whole situation is so much more potent and vivid. Imagining living as myself, but knowing im occupying someone elses body, and having my very lifeforce sustained by others?? Its not hard to understand why grian internalises and hates himself for being "a parasite". Idk thats probably very obvious to everyone else but this is the first time ive really thought about all of what that entails

-☀️

"Starving hands reach out from the depths of his mind to pull him back, stumbling, under that dark waterline."

- Love how the word "starving" implies that G falling asleep is more of a survival mechanism forcing him under so that his body can feed rather than only exhaustion

-☀️

"he's pressed a knife to every promise he's ever made since the day he emerged,"

- shaking you

-☀️

"His existence lies in the shadows of these distorted fractures, jagged hopes and dented dreams, forever fated to cut his hands on the fragments."

- AHHHHJSLDHSJSVSN

- Man 🧍

- Dont have any words. Just tears.

AAAAAAAAAA SUN ANON I ALWAYS LOVE SEEING YOU IN MY INBOX!!!! Gods im so glad these lines resonated with and interested you, they were a ton of fun to write

I have a brain today so i can actually expand on some of the things youve pointed out instead of just aiming heart eyes at you for the compliments fjsndjsjejke so for the first point, yes!!! Scar and Xisuma returned to the others post chap 6 and were like "Well that sucked!! Wow!!!!" I wouldnt say theyve given all the information to everybody, because they themselves aren't exactly ready to discuss that beyond the immediately required basics, but everyone else was given the gist: convo went badly, Grian is being taken back to Hermitcraft on Scar and Xisuma's insistence. Both Scar and Xisuma feel fucking horrible for how that conversation went down-- nobody had a good time there. So while the plan is to eventually get everyone up to speed, they're sorta taking this time to be miserable about what was essentially a fight that ended in stripping Grian of his autonomy

There's also a little cross-communication happening here in the background, btw: Scar and Xisuma have a pretty big picture now, but Tango, Mumbo, and Pearl have been fed that false info abt the potions being potentially useful. So, yknow :) just smth to keep in mind there haha

Your point about how it almost feels like Grian falling asleep is a survival mechanism is spot on the money. It's essentially him falling into a state of low power mode, where everything but his most basic of functions is shut down for a brief time in favour of preserving energy-- i would honestly consider it more equivalent to a coma than actual sleep. Hence Tango's concern, and subsequent relief when Grian woke up; the entire time he was unconscious, he was fully unresponsive. So, yknow. Real nerve-wracking to see, especially after that prior full week of unresponsiveness as his body struggled to maintain itself.

Tango's role here is indeed deliberate, both on a watsonian and doylist level!! The reason however is the exact same for both: Tango is a little more removed, personally, from this situation. Grian was-- and is-- his friend, ofc, but he's not as close to whats happening. Meanwhile, Xisuma is in 24/7 server babysitting mode, Pearl is not fit to be a caretaker, and Scar and Mumbo were tearing themselves apart by trying to sit and look after him. So Tango got assigned caretaker duties 😂😂😂😂 it was an effective way to divvy up tasks and keep everybody busy, and somewhat hilariously, so far Tango is the only person Grian isnt supremely upset with for one reason or another. And thats why he's continued to stay in caretaker mode lol he is truly just. The only guy who can rn

I also just sorta think of him as a surprisingly emotionally savvy fixer-type, in terms of personality. Like. I think he just gets what people set down in front of him, yknow? Although hell if he knows what to do with it once he's got em. He fumbles a lot, sure, and he defaults to fix-it mode, but he is getting the message when Grian essentially says "i dont wanna talk anymore" without actually saying it

As for Grian and his headspace, rn, theres definitely a complexity at work here where he wants to die and is very genuine in that, but he IS also grateful he's seeing his friends. He cant deny that. As painful as it is, he still loves them very much, and ultimately he's trying to do this for their own good as much as for his own sense of punishment and relief. I think like... now that he's really creeping up on what he has planned, and the pieces are suddenly becoming a reality, theres a bit of dissonance he's fighting against to stay on course. He wants his friends happy; he also wants to die. He's so overwhelmingly tired; he is, as much as he feels he doesnt deserve it, glad to have his friends close. That sort of hopelessness mixed with a warped sense of comfort that he got to see and interact with them one last time. If that makes any sense. Its a bit of complexity i wanted to make sure i added in, because people are so rarely fully decided on any course of action they choose to take, without even a single flicker of doubt (and especially one so final as this). Im glad youve picked up on that, and that you appreciate what i was trying to set down with it!!! :D

This was such a lovely message, as always-- you are very sweet, sun anon, and i appreciate you lots :] i hope you're having an excellent day!!!

#shouting speaks #asks #hunger au #compliments #dw i am feeling much better!!! was just a wonky few days :]#❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️#anyway i hope these lil expansions are fun for you to read 👀👀👀#long post #txt

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sunmoonjune · 11 months

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i conked right back out after reading that first answered ask LMAO ive literally been sleeping 12+ hours a day bc i ended up taking sick leave from work and i also got my period so my body's really just been like hmm what other doozy can i give her but now i'm actually awake and my brain juices are kinda flowing so ive been doing some hard thonking about your comments. this is literally unedited word vomit none of my theories make sense but oh well HAHA

YOU'RE TELLING ME WE HAVEN'T EVEN HIT THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG YET???? brb getting my straw so i can drink up the ocean and reveal the iceberg

went back to dig around your past asks and you said a lot of the reason why the villagers hate her is bc of her father and the incident happens around 9-10yo that changes everything sO idk im gonna take some shots in the dark dont laugh at me ,,,,,, so men are usually the only ones meant to train to become a warrior and enter the trials,,,,,,, and ofc as bug's father is the chief of the village he's going to want a son to take over but then he gets two daughters ?? bc you did also hint gender plays a big part of her backstory so im thinking is this one of the underlying reasons in the first place why bug and soojin always had such a rocky relationship with their father even before the incident . . ...... .has bug's mother passed? i feel like she has passed. and i feel like something happened during her death that bug's father then twisted and pinned the blame onto bug. ????? maybe that's why the memories of villagers spitting out it's her fault is so engrained in her :((( and it would make sense why she had the need to make a sign for 'dead'. IDK THERES STILL SO MANY HOLES I CANT SEEM TO THINK OF A SOLID THEORY i need some more hints ;)))))))

HMMMM sometimes soojin wasn't there?? now i'm thinking was it bc yun and bug often found themselves receiving the brunt of bug's father's anger .: they were often punished together and chucked into like a cell or sth so it was just them two sometimes. but then what did YUN do that got him on everyone's bad side too bc him getting banished was fo sho just a convenient opportunity that presented itself for bug's father to get rid of yun. HMHM speaking of ,, he was banished for conspiracy and injuring an officer. yun's not the type of person to just do that for no reason (+ im willing to bet your $11 and my 60c that the situation was twisted to make him look like the bad guy) and im thinking did bug's father say or do something that finally made him snap therefore leading to his accusation HMM

WAIT ALSO ARE THE SCARS UNDER HER MASK IN THE SHAPE OF SOMETHING OR SPELL OUT WORDS ???? bc it's been hinted again and again that there's an awful injury underneath and you have it as the cover of the to-be-published version but you cant reveal it bc it's too big of a spoiler so that leads me to think her face has been deliberately disfigured to look like sth 👀👀

waiting for the published version of ltm to drop so we can get signed copies but also asfksdjg we're gonna need a commissioned version of ltm with the atz boys to purchase instead bc can you imagine the line 'you may have cost wooyoung his yunho' as 'you may have cost kieran his brandon' HAHAHAHAHAAHA I LITRALLY CHOKED ON MY OWN SPIT sonia and her random names always have me cackling HAHA

OMG ALSO ARE WE GONNA GET YEO TEACHING BUG TO DANCE IN THE FUTURE OMGGMGGGG THATS THE LITERAL CUTEST i can already see all the boys tripping over each other and manhandling each other out of the way (with love) so that they can reach bug first and extend their hand out to ask for her first dance dsgjkagfdg noooooooooo 😭💕

also none of my friends irl stan ateez so i have no one to tell and i dont use tumblr enough to have moots apart from you (i woke up at 5am that day and saw your notif and couldnt fall back asleep bc i was literally rolling around in bed giggling) so im gonna tell you but im a relatively new atiny and this is going to be my first comeback with the boys and im literally frothing at the mouth with excitement bc the concept teasers ??? I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

hehehe I SO enjoyed your theories OMG!! Keep sending them my way I eat up all your thoughts on LTM <33

we have not indeed reached the tip of the iceberg ;) but we're close

and haha I would never laugh at you xD this was a very interesting theory about her past and I can't tell you if you're right quite yet,, but I can say: yes, chiefs want a son to take over the title of leader. and bug's father ended up with two daughters... there will be MUCH more on this in the future >:D

onto the topic of bug's mother... this is a VERY important part of the next chapter ;) I'm so glad you've brought it up,,, again I can't tell you much about her until the release of the next chapter but bug's mother does play a VERY BIG role in why certain people despise her so much

I genuinely cannot wait to see your reaction to the lore bits in the next chapter xD it won't reveal everything quite yet but it does reveal some of bug's past so I'm VERY excited,, I hope you'll come back to update your theories after you read it hehe >:D bug's past is long and kind of confusing until I string it all together at the end, but I'm hoping some of you will be able to puzzle it out hehe ;))

as for yun and Soojin,,, part of why Soojin was not with them as much will be referenced in the next chapter I think,, but it may not yet be revealed,, but you are correct in that yun and bug were often on the receiving end of her father and the village's anger :( I can't tell you why they directed it at bug but most of the hate towards yunho simply emerged because he was always trying to stop them from hurting her (this is heavily implied throughout the series so I don't think it's spoiling anything...)

and yunho's banishment.... that will be brought up again as well... perhaps not quite yet ;)

bug's scars.... yes, these are VERY important to bug's past and her entire story! that's why they're the cover of my hardcopy ;) once we reach that part of the story I'll show you the cover so you can get an understanding of what they look like. beneath her mask is extremely relevant to her past and why the village hates her so much... I can tell you that the shape of the scars are less important than what they did to her face...

hehe when the published version finally goes out there's going to be new content in it ;) extra scenes and what not that weren't included here :DD and perhaps I will send signed copies out if you guys want them enough xD

AHHAHA NO I've settled on their names for the published version and I promise there will be no Kieran or Brandon's LMAO,, names in books are SUPER important to me cause they give me a BIG ick in novels xD I cannot read a book about a guy named 'jack' or 'daniel' or something HAHA

and the dancing <33 there will be some fluff in the future about the dancing scene I promise ;)

also omg!! none of my irl besties like kpop either :( I would be happy to be on the receiving end of your rants about the comeback hehe xD I've been an atiny since pirate king and each cb has been AMAZING and I'm very excited too!! me and 🪷 anon have been yelling at each other in messages every time concept photos get leaked xD

I hope this answered some of your theories (even tho I couldn't really say much xD ) thank you for them hehe >:D I LOVE hearing your theories about bug's past because I CANNOT WAIT to reveal it xD

also! do you have a name you want to be called? I've been calling you 'eight' in my head since I saw your first messages but I haven't asked yet xD

#moonie speaks #moonie's mutuals <3 #moonie's favs <3 #like the moon #like the moon spoilers #like the moon hints hehehehe

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doberbutts · 2 years

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@hikko-g

Because that post is already long enough, a condensed timeline for how my doctor was able to put things together and figure out that I’m intersex:

I brought a lot of evidence that I’ve been gathering for the past 5 or 6 years and then asked her to look into it, because I found out by complete surprise after thinking maybe I had PCOS or endo that I might actually be intersex instead. How did I find that out?

I had an ovarian cyst I didn’t know about burst and the pain was so severe that my face turned a light grey color (and I’m black so that is... Not A Great Sign) and I collapsed to the floor in the middle of my shift, and it was in the right spot for my appendix to have burst, so my job immediately sent me to the ER because if your appendix ruptures you either get surgery or die. Pre-op bloodwork revealed that my appendix is Fine Actually, so they did an ultrasound and discovered one very upset ovary covered in cystic scarring [bastard] and one ovary that very much did not look like an ovary but did look like an undescended testicle sitting where an ovary should be.

Which I took directly to my mother who proceeded to tell me “oh we’ve known about that since you were born”. WELL IDK WHO “WE” IS BECAUSE I WAS VERY NOT INCLUDED IN THAT DISCUSSION

She linked me to a study on CAH- Congenital Adrenal Hyperplasia- which according to her the doctor told her I very likely had when I was born, which she deliberately kept from me because she was afraid it would make me want to be a boy. That was right before I moved to this state so about 5.5ish years ago. I have been working with PCPs and OBGYNs since trying to figure this shit out and at the end of the day I was told to go to an endo armed with all of these “well have you ruled out-” and “could it have been-” dead ends.

My endo looked at the evidence I provided and the medical records ruling out the more common stuff, did a brief physical exam of my body, and went “yeah probably”, did a quick blood test, and as the results trickled in over the next week she went “yeah that’s it all right”.

The specific things she was testing for were: baseline levels of estrogens and androgens [needed for HRT anyway], cortisol levels, and special tests for the components of cortisol as well as what people with CAH make instead of cortisol that the body converts into androgens. What do you know, my estrogen levels are at or below post-menopausal despite me definitely having periods, my testosterone is juuuuuuuuuuust touching the low end for a cis man, There Is No Cortisol Here, and I have a lot of loose ends my body should be turning into cortisol but is actively choosing not to do that and to turn it into androgens instead. So, that pretty much sealed the deal.

As for my ovary vs testicle problem- that is still a mystery and honestly one that will be resolved hopefully next year when I have the damned thing removed. My OBGYN looked at the images from that ER visit and went “yeah that sure doesn’t look like an ovary” but then on her own ultrasound said that it could be deformity or even a benign tumor causing the weird shape and so without actually seeing it outside of my body it will be hard to determine either way. CAH does not inherently do this- most people with Nonclassical CAH have perfectly normal internal genitals, but a study did discover that a non-insignificant number do have some form of mixed genital presentation either externally or internally, so it’s hard to say either way.

This was not a quick process but I do have to say that it would have been slightly faster had COVID not happened, as I was all lined up to start this process mid-2020 and then March Happened. And then things kept happening and I lost my health insurance and I just got it back. So instead of taking 5 or 6 years it would have been 3 or 4. Still not a fast process tbh.

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lordkambe · 4 years

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Can you do Dazai Osamu nsfw head cannons please🥰

🩹 character, fandom, type of reader: dazai osamu, bungou stray dogs, gender neutral / woman reader.

🩹 genre, rating: nsfw. 18+ only.

🩹 themes, triggers: explicit descriptions, lewd photographs, dazai being the ceo of romantic sex

🩹 author’s note: hey ! so... i think there’s two dazai’s when it comes down to sex. i think there’s dark era and post dark era. i think in dark era dazai is much more rough. i didn’t know what you were looking for and i didn’t wanna assume anything hardcore so i settled for post dark era dazai, which is a loooot more softer and romantic. if you’d like a dark era dazai nsfw headcanons don’t hesitate to ask, i’d be happy to put that out as well~!

+ truly a mixed bag. sometimes he’s super silly other times he’s rough, he’s fast. he’s taking pleasuring you very seriously.

+ during his silly moments dazai usually teases you with kisses and places love marks on your neck. he mocks your whines and moans playfully before lazily laying you on your back. he hooks his arms under your knees and holds you up. he likes going deep inside of you even when he’s playing around. he really enjoys pleasuring you and often puts it above his own pleasure.

+ because he places your pleasure above his own. he’s such a tease. he’ll play with you for a while and right when you think he’s going to give it to you. he’s says he’s tired and wants to go to bed. he smiles at your little whines and just kisses you so much. he says, “of course not y/n! just give me a sec, yeah?”

+ he smiles when he kisses you. he giggles too. he likes it when you do the same. dazai is super charming and loving because he really likes having sex with you. he thinks it’s so romantic and he just loves touching you. he’s probably really into cockwarming but gets eager... like really eager. and he starts thrusting into you gently hoping you won’t notice ( of course you notice ) and he’s like “sorry babe~”

+ it’s those lazy mornings when he doesn’t want to go to work, he’s kinda horny but he’s too shy to admit it. you notice so you start giving him a handjob and note how big he’s getting and he’s says, “well of course it’s going to get big if you TOUCH IT LIKE THAT.” while you’re pleasuring him he starts fingering you but he’s so teasing with it. like he’ll kinda put his finger in? he won’t thrust it. he’ll just gently touch you to see you squirm. “i can’t make you cum with just my fingers that isn’t fun.”

+ dazai loves missionary only because he likes seeing you underneath him. he likes seeing your head sink into the pillow underneath you and your eyes closing shut. you grasping at the sheets, he’s always muttering about how wishes he could take pictures with his eyes.

+ he says the same thing when you ride him. he’s laying down and you’re on top. he instructs you to open your legs and start rubbing your clit. he says, “when i’m gone imagine those are my fingers touching you, yeah?” he then goes on and on about photographs until you eventually give him permission to take a picture. and goodness, he’s so happy. he probably keeps it has his home screen only to tease you. he’d never deliberately show it to anyone.

+ because dazai gets j-e-a-l-o-u-s. if he catches anyone flirting with you or you flirting with someone else he gets very upset about it. which leads to a very passionate night ;) he thrusts into you hard and deep. both your legs are over his shoulders and he’s constantly hitting your most pleasurable areas. “i’m going to fuck you so hard that you forget about other men. the only cock you’re gonna want is mine~”

+ post dark-era dazai is not into heavy degradation and you can fight me about it. sometimes he’ll mutter the words whore or slut as he drills into you but he’d never go overboard with it. he’s really into praising you and making sure you feel loved and safe.

+ that’s all dazai wants tbh. he wants you to feel safe in his arms. he holds you close during sex. he’s very intimate and wants to feel every inch of your body against his. he kisses you a lot when he’s thrusting into you. he’s reminding you how much he loves you and cares about you.

+ he’s very intimate ok. i know i sound like a broken record but, god. dazai would thrust into you slowly but so lovingly. he kisses your neck and your jaw as he just moves his length in and out of you. you end up becoming so sensitive to his touch every single one of his movements sends a tingle down your spine.

+ if you have scars he places gentle kisses on them and spends extra time paying attention to them when he’s making love to you. he makes you feel so confident and comfortable in your own skin.

+ he loves it when you sit on his face. idk. he encourages you to do it. he’ll have a hard day at work and is just like “🥺 please sit on my face y/n 🥺” he tells you not to hold back and start grinding against his face. when you clench your thighs around his head and your hands start tugging at his hair he goes insane.

+ yeah he likes being called daddy. but he loves it when you call his name. when you ride him and he’s hugging your body while you bounce on his cock. he hears you moan “dazai, dazai --- fuck dazai.” it encourages him to move faster.

+ he’s into mirror sex because he loves when you see him fucking you. he loves it when you see your own face in the mirror as you reach your peak. he’s hitting you from behind and he’s grabbed a fistful of your hair and is like, “look at you! so beautiful. taking my cock like a good girl.”

+ dazai is into ✨ mutual masturbation ✨ as well. he tells you to sit on one side of the bed while he sits on the other. he instructs you to open your legs and for a while he watches you. he instructs you on what to do. he notes how wet your pussy sounds because he likes seeing you get all flustered and embarrassed. he then starts touching himself and you have to restrain yourself from just going ~gobble me, swallow me~

+ when you give him a blowjob ??? oh my god. he’s very vocal. okay. he moans, groans, loudly and openly. he throws his head back and opens his legs wider for you. he loves feeling his cock in your mouth and starts facefucking you. if you let him cum on your face ??? he’ll dick you down right after regardless of how tired he may be.

+ he likes to talk to you when you to are having sex because he loves hearing you admit how much pleasure you’re getting from him. “y/n...” he says softly in your ear. “do you like how my big cock fills your tight little pussy?”

+ send him lewd voicemails when he’s at work. he’ll nonchalantly open it and then freak the fuck out because it’s just a message of you moaning and begging for his cock. he’ll run to the bathroom and call you and be like, “you-you’re trying to kill me aren’t you !?”

+ ceo of eating pussy. he wants you to wrap your legs around his head as he eats you out. he pays extra attention to your clit. he blows on it, gives it gentle kisses, before finally --- finally he starts moving his tongue at an intense speed. he thrusts his tongue in and out of your wet pussy. he starts sucking and moaning into your sweet spot. he holds your hips down onto the mattress and rarely comes up for air. it’s like he was made to eat you out tbh.

+ after care with dazai is so fun. it’s so cute. and it’s very romantic and heartfelt. he gives you time and space if you want it. but he’s always down to cuddle you after the deed is done. he cleans up after himself and you. he’s not good at whipping up a meal so he orders take out while you’re in the shower. he simply cannot be in the shower with you because that would lead to another round lmao.

#dazai x reader #dazai x y/n #dazai smut #bsd dazai #bsd x reader #bsd x y/n #bsd smut #tm.#nsfw.#do.#bsd.#Anonymous

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berrymeter · 3 years

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okay i hadn’t heard of the secret route but i watched a playthrough and wow scarring! just slowly and deliberately traumatizing noelle my favorite character and breaking the key plot elements of the game. and i never would have noticed because it requires such specific parameters! wild and horrible. and yeah the two knights chess allegory makes a+ sense! although it’s probably not a matter of good knight bad knight since player character AS EVIDENCED BY SECRET ROUTE can also suck and be bad.. i wonder what other knight’s motivations are and how they interact with pacifist and genocide routes. would that be them slashing the tires in the end then? i mean so much goes over my head because i barely remember chapter 1 and i care more about susie and noelle talking about their feelings than any plot related foreshadowing. and there’s a million easter eggs everywhere that i’ll never know i didn’t find. just how toby intended.

oh honestly i liked chapter 1’s soundtrack better it felt more memorable! but chapter 2’s was fuller i think. the car parts are just how traffic is in my city so 😌 and spamton in my route was just a creepy little computer man so imagine me seeing ppl talk abt his tortured backstory and motivations. like Please I Do Not Care LMAO as queen would say. i’d rather fucking rouxls kaard be the next sexyman at least he’s an idiot and has better legs!! -tt

RIGHT it's so specific!! it was found via datamining which makes sense bc how the fuck else would you find this snfkjsdhfj. literallyyy terrible -_-

and berdly dying... although i have a theory he might be stuck between existence & nonexistence (or like a coma) in a fucked up way bc the enemies were *frozen* and didn't necessarily die like what if they were unthawed? (i know it's thawed. but unthawed is dear to me) but also the fountain being sealed implies the characters that were frozen there stopped existing as characters since this specific dark world would've disappeared the way lancer's did. i'm also pretty sure in this world monsters still fade into dust upon dying bc when you go to the cemetery and talk to the priest he tells you they buried a hammer in his father's grave which implies they don't have anything else to bury? but anyway i don't like this :)

AND YEAH i was wondering what the implications were then if you do Abuse Simulator route. i don't think we know enough atm to really say though :( pains me bc iiii hate having questions left unanswered sndkjfdgh and it prob will take at least two years before we get the next chapters. ough. i wish i were u ansdkjfhd i'm just dying to know these things ahhh... although i also just want casual little happiness for my besties i don't play toby fox games solely for the Normal bits HJKSDHFK

NO YEAH THE TRAFFIC PARTS ARE... me when i have an appointment and not a single fucking car will let me pass <3 i hate it here ppl in the countryside were nicer. also that's fair ahdsjkdfh chapter 1 didn't really mark me though, i have a lot more tracks from chapter 2 on my playlist :pensive: (too lazy to add the actual emoji i'm on computer LMAO)

i actually kinda like spamton! the fact that his secret boss theme directly takes leitmotifs from power of neo & dummy! feels Important somehow. he also has mettaton neo's body at that point which hmmm but also WHERE IS THE METTS OF TONS GIVE HIM BACK TONBY. as for his backstory & stuff it's... idk it makes me really sad nskdjfndsh those games evoke a lot of compassion in me bc i'm a fool (i don't even hate the king of spades!! hello!!!) so here we are. i don't want rouxls to be the next sexyman though. he IS a silly guy but i don't want people to turn him into a character people don't want to see online like a lot of people feel about sans :( he's my funnyguy...

spamton being a sexyman fits bc sexyman isn't a qualification you want your favourite character to have UNLESS you're into sexymen DHQSJKFHSKJ i think he fits the bill perfectly. he also has a fucked up speech pattern that's honestly fun to me and the "now's your chance to be a big shot" will Not exit my brain which...? typical of a sexyman methinks. rouxls can just be a beloved idiot. also on the better legs i HOPE u mean spamton's normal not-mettaton legs Or Else..... /j

#asks #tt anon #long post #deltarune spoilers #if you think MY theories are batshit you should hear other ppl's #i love my friends but one of them refuses to let go of 'sans is lancer' theory and ankdjsqnfkjsdhf #i even sent a pic of me being in sans' store and having my inventory open reading the description of the cards... one of them being lancer.#help.......#also im not pitting rouxls & mtt's legs against each other they're good legs together #just wanted to make that clear. they're All good legs

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surveys-at-your-service · 3 years

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Survey #456

“i don’t even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger, & that feels so rough”

What was the longest time you’ve had the hiccups for? I know at LEAST over an hour. I was in agony. What type of TV shows are your favourite? Animal docs. Have you ever been a complete fangirl/fanboy over anything? Bitch I still am lmao. Do you know anyone who has died in battle? No. When was the last time you went on an adventure? Bro, I could NOT tell you. I haven't had one of those in what feels like eons. What brand is your vacuum cleaner? I actually don't know. I don't pay attention. Are you good at rapping? Never tried, but I'm sure I'd be awful. I stutter too much. Name one world issue that upsets you. Just ONE????????? Well, I can name homelessness as very high on the list. How do you feel about tanning? I hate it. I can't stand the heat, so why would I deliberately go bake in it? Have you ever given a public speech? Yeah, in front of the whole 4th and 5th grade when I was innnn... one of those grades, idr which. It was for my D.A.R.E. essay. Do you read comic books? No. Do you force your way into conversations in which you are not involved? NOOOOOOOOOOO I'm way too awkward. Kiss with your eyes open or closed? Bro who tf kisses with their eyes open, that shit is creepy. Do you believe you can change someone? No. One can only change themselves. How did you react when your first pet died? I have no memory of our first pet. Have you ever drawn anime? No. Can you use a pogo stick? When I was a kid, I became a MASTER. I got one for I want to say Christmas and I was obsessed. When’s the next time you’ll see the person that you like? Idk, first he needs to get on Facebook and see I messaged him alsdkfjalkdj. He like never gets on there. Do you like bathing/showering? No. One, it's a chore, and two, it's actually painful for me, standing up so long and propping my legs up and stuff like that to clean myself properly. Have you ever considered entering a race? HEEEEEEEEEEELL no. Rihanna or Lady Gaga? Probably Gaga, idk. Who was your first good kiss with? Jason. What accessory do you want in your bedroom? I actually kinda want a TV now? What do you take the most pictures of? Flowers. What are you always in the mood for? Lately, Krispy Kreme donuts, lol. I haven't had one in a very long time, but goddamn does a hot glazed donut sound BANGIN' right now and has for days. What is something that you never turn down? Hm... how am I blanking??? What is something that you always turn down when offered? Certain foods or drinks, like tea. Name something sexy about your significant other. I don't have one'a those. What is one of your hobbies that you refuse to give up? Um, idk. As interests work, I may move away from any hobby eventually. If you could be a professional in any sport what would it be? Dance. If you could be a professional at any instrument what would it be? Violin. Would you rather be a surgeon or mortician? A mortician. That job doesn't even seem all that bad to me? I think it'd be kinda chill somehow???? I could NEVER be a surgeon. I'd be terrified of fucking something up. Have you ever been on a subway? No. Are you in love? No. Do you like having your lip softly bitten when you’re kissing? *eyes emoji* Do you want to get married when you’re older? Yes. What was the last band shirt you wore? PROBABLY my Metallica shirt? But I'm unsure, ultimately. You can have a milkshake right now. What flavor do you choose? Ugh, I've been wanting a nice chocolate milkshake for a while. Have you ever given someone flowers? For Mother's Day one year, I collected some wildflowers to put in a jar for Mom. I've also given Jason roses before. I really wanted to give Sara some when I surprised her for her birthday, but I didn't want to ask her parents to drive me somewhere where I could buy her some, ha ha. What day of the week is usually your busiest day? None. My days are all the same. Do you have any concerts coming up? No, but UGH, I was so hyped a few days ago because I saw Motionless In White was going on tour next year, but of course they're going to the big city on the OTHER end of the state versus the capital, which I'm way closer to. -_- Bands ALWAYS choose Charlotte on the super rare occasion they come to NC... Do you like or hate the smell of fish? Ugh, I hate it. What’s your favorite brand of chips? Doritos, maybe? Between Mountain Dew and those... I am such a fucking gamer stereotype lmfao. Have you ever written a poem and then read it aloud? I think I had to before in school? Idr. Do you like pineapple? Love it. Does your house have a dishwasher? Yes. A dishwasher is one thing I MUST have in my own future house. I cannot stand touching dirty dishes. Do you know anyone who has a flower tattoo? Oh, absolutely. Sunflower tattoos are especially popular around here. How many different languages can you say goodbye in? English, German, and uhhh Spanish? Agree or disagree: You like Adam Sandler movies. I don't mind them. I've never understood the hate, honestly? I think he's capable of being funny. Have you ever had to get a tooth pulled? If so, what for? Only by myself when I was a kid losing my baby teeth. Have you ever dated anyone while they were in jail? Nooooo. If you’ve ever babysat, do you like it? Fuck no, I hate it. What is your favorite flavor on sunflower seeds? I don't like those. Do you get cold easily? No, but I get hot extremely easily. Do you get a lot of spiders in your house? I don't think so, no. Do you admire nature? I positively adore nature. If only we treated it better... Name one naughty thing you’ve done. Done sexual things in places I probably shouldn't have, oops. Name two of your favorite things as a child. Pokemon and Webkinz. Do you own a Pillow Pet? No. They're cute, though. My niece has one. Do you tend to solve problems with violence? Absolutely not. Have either of your parents gone to jail? No. Do you know a hoarder? Yes. Do you wax, pluck, or leave your eyebrows? I just leave 'em be, honestly. Do you have any interesting scar stories? Not really. Do you hate the texture of meatballs? No, I love me some meatballs. Do you get migraines? Very, very rarely. They fucking suck. Do you like guns? NOOOOOOO guns terrify me alsd;kjfal;sdjfk Are turtles amazing creatures? All animals are. :') How much time do you spend taking surveys? A whole lot. It's just that I'm like... always bored and the randomness of surveys can add interesting little flares to the day, I guess. Would you rather visit: The Eiffel Tower or Egyptian Pyramids? Pyramids, for sure. Would you like to work at a candy shop? No. I don't want to work directly with people. Do you have feelings for someone? It's funny; now that I've settled the extreme indecision, I've come to realize that they're very strong feelings. How you go from being indecisive to really, really liking somebody, hell if I know. Which one of your guy friends is the best looking? Uhhh Girt is like my only real guy friend, so I guess it's by default him, ha ha. I'm not particularly attracted to him, but he's not ugly by any means. Do you have anything to say to your ex bf/gf? I'm so sorry. Which band do you have the most of on your iPod/music player? Either Ozzy or Metallica. Most likely Ozzy, though. Which song describes your mood at the moment? Hm. I dunno. Which movie(s) do you quote the most? None, really. Which one of your best friend’s friends would you most likely date? None; we don't share irl friends, being many states apart, and not even that many online ones. Would you ever let anybody else drive your car? I don't have my own car. Which one of your friends will be the most successful? I'm not psychic. What store did you last shop at? Mom and I picked up a Wal-Mart order the other day. Do you think telepathy is real? Absolutely not. When did you last draw something for fun? A few days ago, I started a drawing of Maieykio for Sara. Who makes the most in your entire family? I have no idea. Do you like writing essays? I don't mind, if the topic interests me. Do you think plastic surgery is no big deal? Nah. Well, I think you can take it to an visual extreme, but that's just my opinion. Do what makes you comfortable in your own body. Do you take your trash to the dump or have it picked up? It's picked up. When you sneeze do you sneeze into your shirt or your hands? The inside of my elbow. Do you usually have sex in the morning, noon or night time? It usually happened at night. Did you ever fail your learners/drivers test? Haven't taken it yet. Would you rather listen to Luke Bryan or Lil Wayne? OH MY GOD NEITHER Name someone you’ve become a lot closer to recently: No one, really? Well, unless you count my change of feelings for Girt, but it's just that: a type of change. I've loved him platonically since high school, and it's like, I feel the same for him, just in a romantic way now? Does your car have a sunroof? No. Are you closer to your mom or your dad? My mom. Have you ever had a friend with benefits? Nope, not how I roll. Who’s the last person you cuddled with? Sara. Unless you count my cat. Are you friends with any of your teachers on Facebook? Former teachers, yes. I feel kinda bad for 'em now... They're all the sweetest, God-fearing people, and then there's my outspoken (online) and liberal ass sharing shit that's gotta disappoint them now lmaoooo.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''somebody that i used to know'' by gotye

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severalspoons · 4 years

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Liveblog: Rewatching Trigun, Episode 17 part 2

Ugh, I just want to talk about Episode 18 already.

We pick up with Rem and the Captain talking.

-- Rem has a very breathy voice.

-- Rem: “Because they’re angels...maybe we should pay attention to them...they may even guide us through our dream.” If only it turned out that way. I wonder how literally she believes that?

-- This scene with Vash and Knives in the zero-gravity room is so touching.

Knives sounds genuinely concerned about Vash.

“Are you crying again?” Apparently Vash cries a lot. Color me not surprised. Knives cares anyway.

Steve has been telling Vash he’s not human, and probably that he’s a monster who shouldn’t even be here. What if everyone else feels that way about him and Knives, too? he worries. Worst of all, what if Rem feels that way?

I don’t know if Steve deliberately mistreated them differently, but they certainly reacted differently. He hit Vash where it hurt by telling him he didn’t belong. He beat up on Knives, which Knives could tolerate better. I think putting up with Steve’s abuse is the sort of “small sacrifice” Knives is talking about. :(

-- It fascinates me that Vash is the one who’s afraid and suspicious of humans, even though he desperately wants to belong. Knives is the one encouraging him that it will be possible to get along with people. He even empathizes with their perspective: “to these people we’re just uninvited guests. We only need to be patient a while.”

-- Vash asks whether Rem feels the same way as Steve. Baby, nothing could be further from the truth. You’re Rem’s favorite. Can’t you feel how much she loves you?

-- Knives starts a conversation about the tree they’re lying under, but not really. He’s speaking in metaphors. I do this myself when I want to get across a complicated set of ideas and emotions quickly. It’s a great way to compact your message and add sensory examples so the listener can feel what you’re saying. And it’s perfect for bridging the gap between his train of thought and Vash’s feelings. Knives does the same thing in the more famous conversation about spiders and butterflies.

“Rem said it’s because they’re strong...they concentrate all their energy on growing.”

This is dreamy, mythological, fairy tale thinking. Rem, instead of giving them information about the world, is describing it poetically and helping them see it with wonder. I think Vash will return to this perspective on days when he wonders why he’s bothering trying to save people. (The way I go to Pinterest and look at photos of nature and the sky and people doing kind things until I feel like it’s worth living again).

-- “Rem said...according to Rem...” I bet this conversation is frustrating for Knives. Knives is asking Vash what he thinks, and all he gets is secondhand Rem.

-- “Plants are strong, but we eat their fruit.” “We need to in order to live.” Does Vash know what sort of plant Knives is really talking about?

-- “Do you think I’ll be eaten some day?” ::heart breaks:

Will they be drained for power the way the bulb plants are? Or experimented on? It’s a reasonable question.

It’s interesting. Although Vash is the one being told he’s not human, Knives is the one aligning his identity with plants. Or at least, trying it out during this conversation.

-- “So then, why am I here?”

Knives is having a huge (and perfectly understandable) existential crisis. And no one seems to have good answers for him. Even Vash doesn’t seem to get it.

I don’t think telling him he’s an angel sent to Earth to help the crew would help him much. Either it’ll sound like more fluffy poetic nonsense to him, or it will feel like a huge burden. I mean, just listen to former “Indigo children,” whose parents may have legitimately believed their kids were sent to save the world. Instead, they became a hot mess.

-- They had umbilical cords? Don’t plants reproduce by budding? Weren’t Vash and Knives found after they dropped off and fell to the ground? IDK, plant biology is confusing to begin with and the anime certainly doesn’t help.

-- Cut to a bunch of scary looking men with laser guns. Rem throws herself between them and the babies and you see the lasers all over her torso. They could have shot her. She could have died trying to save the plant babies. Holy ****. (And she wasn’t even feeling guilty about Tessla in the anime. She was just a good person).

-- That fucking apple. I’m sorry, but I hate this kind of symbolism. It never says much, it feels like an exercise or a treasure hunt, and it reminds me of high school English class.

Smooth transition to the other side of the tree where Rem is giving Vash a haircut. Of course Vash goes first. Rem gives Vash his iconic sticking-up haircut for the first time.

-- Um, it’s kind of weird to give your kid the same haircut as a man you loved. (What sort of relationship did they have in the anime, anyway?)

Also, you never noticed he was handsome before because he’s a kid. He looks like the equivalent of an 8 or 9 year old here.

-- “He was my emotional support. Thanks to him, I was able to face my mistakes without judgment. I learned to make them right again. Then I lost him and realized I would have to do it alone. But I wasn’t afraid to make mistakes any more. I believed I could point myself in the right direction without looking back.”

I just got run over by a truck of feels. Because Vash takes the same journey.

And I’m pretty sure Wolfwood does for Vash what Alex did for Rem.

It all begins next episode.

-- Knives’ haircut looks curved like butterfly wings. (And he’s way better at cutting hair than a kid with no experience should be).

-- Knives’ voice sounds villainous. “Just a little change of heart, that’s all.”

-- There already was individuality, even without the haircut. I guess Knives has just accepted it. “A philosopher and a mama’s boy.” That about sums it up, unfortunately.

-- Love how Knives tells Steve off, even though he makes a supervillain face immediately after.

-- Static. There’s that sound you hear every time Legato appears. The static of evil.

-- The famous spider & butterfly scene. Vash has both hands up, probably considering removing both of spider and butterfly from the web and moving them to separate places. Not sure what he’s waiting for.

They first have the argument they keep playing out for the next 150 years.

“Unless the spider caught the butterfly, it would die of starvation anyway.” Knives is right -- about butterflies and spiders. About the natural order. (That’s one reason I, personally, have an existential crisis every time I watch a nature documentary. For some reason, there’s always organisms eating other organisms alive on those channels. ::shudders::) The best argument I can give is that the metaphor doesn’t apply to people and plants, or doesn’t have to. The only reason a situation even resembling that happens on Gunsmoke is because Knives crashes all the ships onto a planet without resources.

Rem: “it’s not right to make that choice so easily.” Honestly? I think that’s a less convincing argument. Especially to someone who’s agnostic or atheist. Because who should choose? Or are you just leaving it up to random chance?

-- “What would you rather have us do, just stand there and think about it?”

Vash attacks Knives for the first time.

Rem finally realizes there’s something wrong. She looks troubled.

-- WTF happened to Rowan’s mind? What’s broken? Is Knives controlling his mind or body somehow?

-- Rem models self-sacrifice. I still don’t understand why, but she seemed to truly believe that Rowan, who was willing to kill a crew member he actually loved, wouldn’t do the same to her. The Captain models the sensible choice given the information he had, and throws Rowan out the airlock. Well, maybe not so sensible, because Rem could have been flung out into space to die, too.

Wonder how Rem would feel if she knew that Vash spent his life doing the same thing, getting increasingly scarred in the process?

-- “Vash, take care of Knives.”

This breaks my heart because so far ... he hasn’t. First he follows Knives around. Then abandons him. Then attacks him.

Doesn’t that bother him, given how faithfully he follows Rem in everything else?

I think Rem says nothing to Knives, because she has nothing good to say to him then.

-- It still bothers me that Knives got so flat out cruel down to the maniacal laugh so quickly and offscreen. It’s still a big jump from the last time we saw him talk. Seriously, look at this:

Everything he does in the anime would have made sense if they had just added a little bit more from the manga.

-- So Knives, is Rem’s self sacrifice still stupid if she corrected the course of all the ships and saved so many lives? After all, she took action quickly, and did the greatest good for the greatest number--the rational thing. You should have understood what she was doing.

-- No, Vash, Rem didn’t mean “take care of him” as in “Kill him.” You know that.

...You know I’m getting way too invested in a series when I start talking to the characters as if they can hear me. It’s about as sensible as yelling at the horror movie character not to go into that dark room alone.

#liveblog #liveblogging #trigun #trigun anime #knives millions #millions knives #vash the stampede #rem saverem #character analysis #philosophy #symbolism #anime vs. manga #nicholas d. wolfwood #feels #i'm not crying you're crying

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tiredoffeelinglost-writes-shit · 5 years

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Bane x Reader fic I will name when I think of one (pt. 1?)

Pairing: Bane x Reader

Word count: 2,338

Warnings: mentions of animal abuse, horribly inaccurate descriptions about canine first-aid

A/n: This was something I had rattling around in my head based on @glycerineclown‘s Operation Spot on AO3. I might post this on AO3 but idk yet. I don’t have any concrete ideas about where it’s going but, hey, it’s going. As always, unbeta’d and feedback is appreciated.

You knew that you shouldn’t have been out alone that late but this time, it was unavoidable. You had agreed to cover a shift for your coworker which resulted in you working 12 straight hours. Now, you knew that may not sound like a lot for some people and it wasn’t like you were a nurse or anything but 12 hours on your feet, dealing with drunk and unruly bar patrons still made you feel dead on your feet.

Turning the last corner, your eyes found a group of people – teenagers, judging by the look of them – beating and kicking something at their feet.

Thinking quickly, you slipped back around the corner and pulled out your phone. A quick YouTube search later and you pressed play.

Police sirens started blaring from your phone speakers. All at once, the group froze, heads whipping around, then took off and left whatever it was on the ground.

You crept closer, unsure if you were more afraid of the group coming back or of the thing on the ground. You decided the thing on the ground was probably a more pressing issue when it started moving.

The immediate flash of fear fought to override your concern but, when you saw it was actually a dog, you pressed on.

The dog looked like it had seen better days. He had a stocky body riddled with dozens of scars and a face marred with even more. His coat was white, save for a strange looking patch of black. It stretched over his muzzle, up between his eyes and ears, before wrapping around the back of his head, and connecting back to the color at his mouth.

His side was smeared with a brown stain that you assumed would be red in the light and there was something wrapped around his muzzle.

“Hey, buddy,” you cooed.

The dog growled, scarred muzzle pulling and bunching into as much of a snarl as possible with the binding. Upon closer inspection, you could see it was actually a length of wire twisted and tied.

He kept glancing back at you as he limped into the shadows of a nearby alley and, against your better judgement, you followed. You turned on your phone’s flashlight and followed the blood drops until you found him, huddled beside a dumpster.

He just stared at you as you got down to his level. Slowly, carefully, as to not scare him, you reached a hand to the wire around his muzzle. You swore under your breath at how tight it was.

“Okay, buddy,” you whispered, “I have to get this off but you aren’t gonna like it.” You stroked a thumb over the fur just beside the wire wrapping. Keeping your movements slow and deliberate, you reached into your bag and pulled out your pocket knife. The dog started growling at the sight of the blade and tried to pull away.

“Hey, shh, it’s okay,” you whispered. “I’m not gonna hurt you. You’re okay.” You kept your tone light. Your puppy voice, unused after not having a dog for so long, slipped through. “Okay, hold still.” As quickly as possible, you wedged a finger under a piece of the wire, not wanting to risk nicking the dog, and slipped the blade in next to your finger before slicing through the wire. All while saying, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” over and over like a prayer.

As you worked, the dog sat still as a statue. It wasn’t until the wire was off that he finally moved, trying to jump away but his leg gave out beneath him.

“Whoa, whoa.” You reached for him but he growled and snapped at you. You snatched your hand back. “Okay, okay. Sorry.”

There was a stare down in the alley for what felt like forever. You broke the silence.

“You know, if you don’t bite me, I can help you.”

The dog huffed.

“Come on, let’s go get you patched up,” you coaxed, holding out your hand and gesturing to the mouth of the alley with your chin, “I’m only one more block up.” You patted your leg and gestured to the alley’s end again.

He sat there, staring at you and seemed to be considering actually following you. Finally, he heaved himself up and followed you out.

It was slow going, him limping next to you and leaning heavily into your leg, but you eventually came to the stairs of your brownstone. With a defeated groan, he collapsed, breathing sharp and unsteady.

You rushed to unlock your door and came back down to crouch beside him.

“I’ve gotta get you inside, buddy, but it’s gonna hurt and I’m really sorry.” You spoke calmly and quietly, hoping to be reassuring as you stripped your jacket off and laid it over him. “Please, don’t bite me,” you whispered before sliding your arms underneath him. “One, two, three.” On three, you rose to your feet and cradled him to your chest. “Oof. You’re heavier than you look, buddy.”

The dog huffed but didn’t growl or snap at you.

You managed to make it up the stairs and inside without incident, kicking the door shut behind you. “Remind me to lock that.”

The dog huffed once more.

Reaching your bathroom, you placed him gently down in the bathtub.

The first aid kit from under the sink and a couple handfuls of towels and rags ended up of the floor and toilet before you took your jacket off of him.

“I’m gonna need to clean at least some of the blood off so I can actually see what I’m working with,” you mumbled.

You ran a washcloth under warm water and began cleaning him, rinsing the cloth periodically and continuing your process until you could see the extent of his injuries. Several cuts along his side, two close to his neck, and one on his hip leading down his hind leg.

“Oh my God,” you breathed, “What happened to you?” Tears sprang to your eyes but you forced yourself not to let them fall. You had work to do. “Alright, buddy, here we go.”

You braced yourself when you began the first stitch but the dog didn’t so much as flinch when the needle entered his skin. Letting the tension out of your shoulders, you breathed a sigh of relief.

Two more stitches without a peep and you paused you hadn’t realized that your hands were shaking until you almost dropped the needle out of your blood-slick fingers.

“Come on, get it together,” you coached yourself. Swallowing around the lump in your throat, you steeled your nerves and soldiered on. The wounds by his neck were tricky but he never moved. The injuries along his side were minor so you bandaged them as best as you could – considering your bandages were meant for people – and moved on to the last one.

The cut on his hip was the worst. At this point, your wet hands were shaking so bad that you were lucky to keep any hold on the small needle but you forced yourself to take your time and concentrate.

After what felt like hours, you were finished and he looked down at his hip, as if inspecting your work. He tried to crane and twist to sniff at it but you stopped him.

“You’ve gotta leave that alone so it can heal.”

The dog seemed to grumble at that but he left the stitches alone all the same and, instead, sat staring at you. In fact, he had been staring at you since you found him. He looked wary. Almost nervous. It was like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

“It’s okay, buddy,” you held out your hand to him but didn’t touch him again. “I’m not gonna hurt you. I thought we’d established that by now.”

His eyes didn’t even move to your hand, staring hard at your face. Sighing, you lowered your hand and got to your feet.

The quiet of the bathroom was broken by your rumbling stomach. He tilted his head at the noise. Trying to remember the last time you’d eaten, you wondered how long it had been since the dog had eaten anything decent.

“You hungry?”

At the prospect of food, his ears perked up and you couldn’t help but chuckle at the excited look on his face.

“I don’t have any actual dog food but I’m sure that I can find you something that you’ll like and won’t make you sick.”

He stood up and looked like he was about to jump over the lip of the tub.

“Wait!”

He stopped with a paw on the edge, eyes looking up at you again.

“Don’t fuck up your stitches, genius. Take is easy. Go slow.” Slow and easy were things that your past dogs knew and you hoped that this one understood them too.

Thankfully, he slowly – albeit a bit awkwardly – climbed out of the tub rather than jump.

“Good boy.”

At those two words, his head snapped to you and he stopped in his tracks. The look in his eyes seemed like a mix between surprise and confusion. Almost as if he didn’t understand the words. Like no one had given him such praise before. You wanted to wrap him in blankets and protect him but, at the same time, you felt like you had broken some fragile bubble that had formed around the two of you and hoped, desperately, that you could repair it.

Cautiously, you stepped forward and ran light fingers over his head. He eyes closed and the thready whine he let out squeezed your heart. The heart that was suddenly caught in your throat.

“Come on,” you whispered, once again willing yourself not to let your emotions get the best of you. “Let’s go get some food, yeah?”

The almost-tail-wag you got in return kept a smile on your face all the way to the kitchen.

You grabbed a container of cooked chicken and vegetables out of the fridge for your companion. It wasn’t much but it was one of the few easy, dog-friendly foods you had in the house. A different container of leftover stir-fry was set to be your dinner once you made sure the dog was fed.

It didn’t take long and, within minutes, his gaze was flicking between you and the bowl of food.

“Go ahead,” you nodded with a small smile, “It’s okay.”

Only after you had dug into your own food did the dog take a tentative bite. Apparently coming to the conclusion that it was actually good and not poisoned or anything, he practically inhaled the rest of it.

When he looked up from licking the bowl clean, you were paused with a fork midway to your mouth. A sound, suspiciously resembling a burp, rumbled out of his chest and he seemed surprised by it, if the look in his eyes was anything to go by. You couldn’t help but snort and you finished eating.

With your dishes clean and drying, you moved into the living room. The dog followed like your shadow.

You patted the couch next to you. “You can come up here if you be careful.” Instead, he stretched out on the floor near for feet. “Or, that works too.”

Now that you were finally sitting down, you realized how tired you were, limbs and eyes heavy.

“In about an hour, I’ll check on those stitches,” you struggled to get out around a yawn. But, “about an hour” turned into a couple hours of napping and you didn’t realize you’d forgotten to lock the door until it was too late.

The men moved in silence and you woke with a hand over your mouth and a knife at your neck. Your canine companion was in the middle of the floor growling and eyes flicking from the man with the knife to something you couldn’t see.

“Why are you just standing there?” the man behind you yelled. “Grab him! Grab Bane!” Another man in a ski mask lunged at the dog. The responding snarl and gnashing teeth had him stumbling back and staying there, frozen to the floor, looking warily at the first man. The dog’s piercing eyes turned toward you. Specifically, behind you – at the man with the knife.

He stalked forward, there was no other way to describe it. His steps were deliberate and slow, as if giving his prey time to run. Scarred lips pulled back over gleaming teeth. Gleaming, sharp teeth that a vicious growl broke through. He was terrifying. He let out a sharp bark like a warning. Both men jerked, the knife at your neck falling away.

The dog jumped onto the couch and stood over you. The men looked from you and the dog to each other and back. Your guardian barked again and again before launching himself at the men, causing them to fall over themselves in their rush back out the door.

You sat, frozen, on the couch, sleep-addled brain whirring to make sense of what just happened. The couch dipped beside you as the dog hopped back up. When you turned your gaze to him, he lowered his head and flattened his ears. Slowly, he leaned forward and pressed his nose to the spot on your neck where the knife had almost broken skin.

“I’m okay.” Your voice shook. You cleared your throat and repeated yourself, happy when your voice came out a little more normal. After a few deep breaths, you spoke again. “They were looking for you.” His eerily unwavering gaze met yours again. “Is that your name? Bane?”

You lifted a hand and brought it up to his face but he ducked away and jumped to the floor. With a final look at you, he ran out the still-open door. You practically fell off the couch in an attempt to follow him but, by the time you stepped out onto your cold front steps, he was lost to the night’s shadows.

“What the hell?”

Tags: @scuzmunkie

#bane x reader #bane fanfiction #bane imagine #tom hardy fanfiction #tom hardy imagine #my fic

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loganscanons · 4 years

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emo phases??

all my characters with emo or emo-adjacent phases

Bambi: Her whole life is kind of an emo phase. I mean, she literally died and came back to life and now she sees ghosts. Personally, she considers herself more of the witchy goth aesthetic. But like, definitely emo at her core and there are pictures of her from middle school with the Emo Haircut™ and way too much eyeliner

Dylan: Um she absolutely had a scene phase. Scene haircut with the sideswept bangs and thick smudgy eyeliner. Wears lots of chunky bead bracelets and friendship bracelets. Has those multi-colored hair extensions at some point bc Jordie won’t let her die her hair and for some reason that’s one thing Dylan decides to obey. Does not listen to Jordie about piercing her ears tho and gives herself second piercings (she’s had the first since she was a baby) and small gauges. That evolves into her sneakerhead/skater punk look which she never totally grows out of. Idk what this fashion trend is called but she likes those chunky stripe shirts and high-waisted pants. Soft grunge maybe??

Frankie: For sure had an emo phase in their tween/early teen years. Wore all black and was angsty. They’re the bitch that has flashbacks at the first note of Welcome to the Black Parade. They also for sure wrote emo poetry and if anyone finds out about that and brings it up they’re mortified.

Graham: He really wanted to be emo bc that’s how he felt Inside but he didn’t want to be accused of copying Saoirse (who absolutely has multiple alternative fashion phases she’s full of angst) and also the boy loves colors. There are like four months where he makes an attempt to embrace the look and wear all black, but he misses his superhero shirts. He makes up for this by making friends with all the emo kids ig

JJ: He never grows out of it. He is, was, and always will be the emo kid.

Makani: Goth as hell

Namir: Is prep emo a thing? (Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way would probably say no) bc that’s what he is. Emo and rich so all of his clothes are like really nice and probably fit super well (except the shirts he deliberately buys too big). And he wears like turtlenecks and stuff when he’s like 13 what a nerd. His wardrobe never ventures away from black, with the exception of some white and yellow articles of clothing. Adult Namir loves androgynous looks and always looks super put together. Does not own a pair of sweatpants. His whole body is always covered bc he has a lot of scars but he wears very formfitting clothes.

Owen: My poor bby definitely had an emo phase puberty was an especially rough time for him and that was his outlet. Lots of dark clothes and angsty emo music.

Rhyder: He was too poor to outwardly express himself growing up but on the inside definitely aligned himself with the punk/grunge/emo kids. Once he has money he really has no idea what to do with it and also can’t convince himself that he’s worth spending money on so until his early twenties all of his clothes are simple things that are either way too big or a bit too small (his mother would buy him thrift clothes that were too big so he could grow into them and then wait as long as possible before buying new clothes and Rhyder does the same for himself for a long time). Until he meets Teddy, his money goes to rent and take-out (he can’t cook) with the occasional tattoo or piercing (he has A Lot). Teddy eventually convinces him that he can buy things for himself and his style becomes way more personalized after that. Anything cool that he owned before Teddy was a gift from one of the Krabs or Gloria or Oscar. I think the Krabs all pitched in to buy Rhyder a nice, well-fitted leather jacket for his 18th birthday and Rhyder loves that thing to death. He’s wearing it when he (re)meets Teddy and Teddy can’t possibly resist.

Shiloh: Doesn’t have an emo phase but would have if she’d been born in the 21st century.

#bambi kotak #dylan sanchez #frankie fox #graham o'callaghan #jj vasquez #makani calipusan #namir nazari #owen lawton #rhyder vogel #shiloh young #appearance #rhyder martinez

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tearlessrain · 5 years

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okay I’m gonna liveblog the lion king we’re going to punch this dead horse until it gets up and walks away.

it’s just going to be a giant text wall of me complaining and nitpicking everything I think they should have done instead of what they did so probably just skip this one.

re: the bland visual design of this movie - elephant graveyard, nala says the sun is going down so why didn’t they take this opportunity to perhaps. have the sun be actually going down. and give the whole scene an ominous dusky red tone. that would have looked cool.

every once in a while a character emotes in a way that I’m like “okay, they can give them expressions and body language, they’re just deciding not to for some reason.”

I feel like this is a perfect example of my issue with this; when simba does the “I laugh in the face of danger” cackle, nothing really moves except his mouth. and I don’t know why, because like. the one on the left is what they did. the one on the right is still well within the range of realistic movement for a feline but it doesn’t look like a trained animal meowing on cue that got dubbed over with laughing.

and I can’t figure out why they wouldn’t go with the one on the right. and it frustrates me. this is a thing that happens constantly in this movie and I can usually pinpoint exactly how they could have animated it differently.

the zoomed out shots and color/arrangement of the mufasa lecture are really pretty though. if they’d just stop zooming in on the faces while they’re talking.

... okay, no, we’ve transitioned scenes and we’re looking at hyenas now but this is exactly the same color scheme and I don’t think there’s a deliberate reason for it. that’s not how. no. at least make the blue more washed out or something if you have to make both scenes blue.

I’m going to take video editing software and alter the lighting/color overlays of every scene in this movie.

I won’t do that but I want to. disney has done so good in the past with color theory and this is hurting me.

okay so ironically, I’ve heard a lot of complaints from various sources about what they did to Be Prepared, but honestly this is the only scene so far that’s really worked for me. it’s so much less uncomfortable with the visual style for him to be mostly speaking the lines in an understated menacing kind of way and it all came together really nicely. I haven’t liked all of Scar’s scenes so far but he’s definitely my favorite thing they’ve done here on average. also for some reason they don’t seem to be as afraid of giving him movement and expressions as with the other characters, maybe it’s just that he’s already the most visually distinctive idk.

anyway, Be Prepared was good and I genuinely enjoyed watching it, they should have done that with the first song if they weren’t going to do something crazy and colorful. critics were wrong. water is wet.

the voice acting in this movie really is just all over the place. it’s scanning like an elder scrolls game where the actors were just given most of their lines out of context in alphabetical order or something. because now we have “stampede in the gorge! Simba’s down there!!” [acted well but blank expression] “Simba?” [spoken in a tone that implies “oh, is that rascal in the gorge? interesting” and not “are you telling me my son is about to be trampled by ungulates???”] and I can’t tell how much is actually weird acting and how much just seems weird because it’s matching up badly with the animation.

so the action shots are good, they can do action, it’s just when they’re standing and talking that it gets awkward.

I think the reason Scar works for me more than the others is that all his concern and intentions are fake and we know that so if a line/animation falls flat it matters less.

the wildebeest scene is actually pretty okay, again because it’s mostly action. I can live with it.

don’t like the delivery of “long live the king” but at this point whatever

I already knew it wasn’t going to match the emotional impact of the original death scene because honestly what would, but this was a really unfortunate time to go back to not animating any facial expressions. simba’s voice actor is just giving it their all but visually they’re giving me nothing here.

Scar’s voice acting is fascinating, half the time the actor sounds completely checked out but when his lines land they land really well, so now I’m starting to think he was just given bad directions.

the extra scenes that weren’t in the original are like, noticeably better than the others. it’s almost like realism has a time and a place and can work well when you aren’t trying to remake a cartoon scene for scene with it. I suspect this is why I liked the jungle book so much but am not having a good time watching the lion king at all.

I rest my case about action shots: Timon and Pumbaa still don’t have facial expressions for the most part but they never stop moving and bounce around like cartoons, so it doesn’t look weird that they’re talking.

WHY DID SIMBA REACT WITH MORE VISIBLE FEAR TO PUMBAA SINGING THAN HE DID TO A WILDEBEEST STAMPEDE

kind of living for Timon’s inexplicable but honestly fitting gay lisp

again, everything around these two is more cartoonish and it works. so. much. better.

did they just fucking change animation teams entirely after the stampede or something.

the lions’ voice actors still really need to tone down their singing in comparison to the animations though, this is why be prepared was the only one that’s really worked. I mean it’s really good singing but that’s sort of the problem. to quote deadpool, they’re singing at eleven but we need like a five or six.

on the other hand I can’t believe we got that whole extra scene and Nala is literally voiced by Beyonce but they still didn’t put in Shadowland.

this is honestly going so much better than the first act because it’s not a shot-for-shot remake anymore and they’re actually writing their own scenes that, obviously, work better with the medium. I really hope it continues like this.

except for the fact that simba still just stares blankly at everything, that’s not great.

please. make a facial expression.

we’re back in “scenes that happened in the original movie” land and it is not a happy place.

there’s no iteration of this scene I can watch without thinking about the rafiki vine

god FUCKING damn it there was exactly ONE SCENE in the ENTIRE movie that SHOULD have been remade word for word and you CHANGED THE ENTIRE TONE OF THE SCENE. WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS. WHY WOULD YOU MESS WITH REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE. THAT SCENE FELT LIKE A RUINED SNEEZE.

FUCK;.

I’m so mad. it was finally starting to be a fun movie to watch and they did that. did they honestly think “I will always be proud of you son” would ever have the impact of “you are more than what you have become”

simba stop talking.

everyone stop talking you’ve already talked all the emotional impact out of this scene.

the soundtrack and new scenes are absolutely wasted on the entire rest of the movie. the travel montage is good but I’m still mad about the mufasa thing.

and let me be clear I’m cool with the visual decisions with the clouds that everyone’s mad about, that was fine if slightly too subtle. the problem is that they altered and drew out the dialogue in such a way as to completely defang the whole scene.

we’re still not gonna explain why the hyenas are bad or how Scar managed to cause a massive drought just by overhunting huh.

I can’t believe he’s hoarding all the food AND all the facial expressions for himself.

okay look disney you can’t just shoehorn a Girl Fight into every movie and call it feminism. what history do Nala and Shenzi even have to warrant this dialogue.

why did they put the simba/king music as a backdrop to rafiki beating up hyenas, this feels like when they used the nazgul theme for thorin in the hobbit. I’m at the point where I keep thinking “okay I’m just gonna stop typing and watch the rest and be done” but they keep doing weird shit.

good job nala you defeated your lifelong arch nemesis, the hyena you were once in the room with while she talked to someone else

again, the action shots are good. the problems arise when they start saying words at each other.

this movie has a big “people yelling lines that need to be said quietly for maximum impact” problem

in all sincerity this is badass now that they’ve stopped talking

this would be a better movie if it wasn’t the lion king.

Simba defeated Scar and absorbed his ability to have facial expressions, wild.

all right final two scenes are exact reshots of the original but blander, and we’re done

holy shit that’s too many producers that explains a lot

okay well it was okay for a while in the middle and the bits where they actually added new things and/or exercised some creativity, and I kinda liked the reimagining of Timon and Pumbaa, but this went about as expected. it’s not like it’s a horrible movie or anything but if I was gonna show a kid the lion king I would show them the original because it flows better, it’s more visually appealing, and you can actually tell characters apart at a glance. also they used color theory properly. seriously who let that get by. you are more than what you have become, disney.

anyway this movie’s biggest flaw is that it didn’t need to exist in the first place and the people who made it exist anyway were goddamn cowards about it thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#tearless liveblogs #now I can finally shut up about the lion king I've gotten it all out of my system

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why-this-kolaveri-machi · 6 years

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avengers: infinity war

um. SPOILERS.

so i finally watched spiderman: infinity war avengers: infinity war yesterday with the inimitably awesome aakanksha ( @franklyineedcoffee). it was great! very cgi and very Epic.

like. mcu movies were never terribly remarkable to me, but then they got Spiderman involved (and made him great!) and the ensuing trifecta of extremely enjoyable films (homecoming, ragnarok and black panther) finally made a fangirl out of me. which basically primed me perfectly to enjoy the shit out of infinity war.

a few thoughts! a second reminder for SPOILERS because i discuss about basically everything.

1. the film did a great job juggling so many characters and so many plot threads? of course some parts were under-served (the whole wakanda stretch was a bit meh to me), but at no point was i just waiting for the film to get back to the Interesting Bit. almost all of it was equally engaging.

2. i’d heard a lot about thanos going into this film but what i wasn’t expecting was to be reminded of two villains that the mcu had done really, really well recently: adrian toomes/the vulture from homecoming, and erik killmonger from black panther. thanos isn’t nearly as compelling as either of them and certainly doesn’t deserve a fraction of the sympathy we can reasonably afford to either toomes/killmonger, but the kind of sad, single-minded conviction that he used to justify murdering trillions of people? yeah, that was all-too-familiar. far from the cackling, evil villain trope, both toomes and killmonger were shaped and scarred by unforgiving circumstances; you didn’t approve of the stuff they did but their pathos was palpable. thanos plays this part of the villain arc very well--he doesn’t visibly delight in death and destruction, but does it because he is burdened with it. and isn’t that how it usually goes in the real world? the worst people in the world never believe in their own evil--just their own status as a Special Person Who Knows Something Better Than Everyone Else. a special destiny, a special responsibility with all that power. sometimes the line between superhero and villain is so, so thin.

2.5. because looking at it objectively, his motivation was some malthusian bullshit, yeah? and in a way recalls some of the most harrowing repercussions of bullshit science from the early twentieth century. so if i read one more thinkpiece about ‘errrrr guys maybe thanos had a point’ i’m going to lose it. both the writing and performance for thanos was fantastic--he practically dripped with gravitas, even under all the layers of cgi and chaotic fight scenes--but let’s not confuse that with actual sense/decency, yeah?

3. the groupings were great--so great that i could’ve readily watched an entire film based on any one of them. my favourite had to be thor with rocket/groot. i would’ve never guessed it, but it turned out to be the most poignant dynamic of them all. that little conversation that rocket had with thor was a little oasis in the middle of a terribly chaotic movie and neatly tied in and mirrored the incredible character development both the characters had undergone in their last movies--GotG vol 2 and ragnarok. this scene for me was an example of the ultimate reward of getting a film like infinity war--a moment of truly resonant emotional connection between two wildly differing characters and genres.

3.5. and, btw, the genres! can we talk about that a bit? it was a really cool mix of generic superhero stuff with sci-fi, a touch of horror, magic, swords-and-sorcery, opposites-meet comedy, a bit of romance, and just good old-fashioned family drama.

3.75. and speaking of drama, the whole arc with gamora was gutting and inspired more tears from me than the much-talked-about snap. the sheer range of emotions she went through right before and after she realised that thanos was going to kill her and why! zoe saldana is fucking amazing.

4. aagh i just wished we had more time but all of the groups played really well off each other: i enjoyed iron man and company in particular because duh, spiderman, and watching three gigantic egos clash in the form of tony stark, dr strange, and peter quill was entertaining as all hell. and i know tumblr fandom in particular likes to give tony a hard time but i was impressed not just by his quick thinking, his surely-impossible technology, and his raw physical strength, but also his ability to lead, well, any team. he had spiderman covered (summoning the iron spider suit! appointing him an avenger! collaborative flying of an alien spaceship!), had dr strange figured out pretty quickly, and tried his best to steady peter quill.

4.5. the group on wakanda wasn’t nearly as compelling, but much of their screen time was filled with fighting cannon fodder and that’s literally the least interesting part of any mcu movie, so. i guess i was also annoyed by rhodey basically throwing away the principled position he took in civil war--the narrative had to essentially make the regulatory body a one-dimensional super-villain. and, like. whatever. the avengers have to reform, etc. but it still stinks. i kind of dozed through the parts of civil war that didn’t involve spiderman but some of the issues that it raised were compelling. but then those issues were just used as an excuse to get a slugfest between iron man and captain america and now somehow an agreement signed by 150+ countries is all about oh no! will steve and tony ever make up?? like, fuck that shit.

4.85. i didn’t expect to be as moved as i was by vision and wanda, though. unlike the nat/bruce thing that also kind of came out of the blue in ultron, these two were weirdly compelling. (although wanda’s missing accent is bothering me.)

5. there was so much cgi in this movie! some of it was truly breathtaking but more often than not it felt suffocating. i feel like tony stark and co. were especially ill-served: the deep blues of the doughnut spaceship and the flashy, dusty oranges on titan just made it more difficult to see the characters and, idk. i’m not a fan of the effect.

5.5. everything involving thor was great, tho. couldn’t possibly match the climactic bridge scene in ragnarok in terms of pure Epicness but came close several times.

6. mmm, what else? i really liked that this film undercut a lot of the truly dramatic scenes with humour--it just lent a dreadful sense of finality to the scenes that left us with death rather than a punchline.

6.5. another note: i realise that thor continually calling rocket and groot ‘rabbit and tree’ was supposed to be funny, but why would he do that? the ‘captain’ has a name. and he speaks groot’s language! why would he call him something as reductive as ‘tree’? (unless groot’s actual name is tree) it’s just a little niggling thing but it’s starting to bother me a lot now.

6.55. but i do find it a little endearing that prideful, extremely sensitive rocket never once bothered to correct thor.

7. ultimately the Epicness that made this movie possible is also one of the things that repeatedly threatens to bring it down. i just don’t want this film to fall down the rabbit hole that SPN finds itself in--expand its scope exponentially and find itself unable to remotely do it the justice that it deserves. what do you do with a character who could kill half the universe with a snap of his fingers? what do you do with characters who, in their individual movies, have expressed powers and resources that are seriously large-scale?

we see the film sputter in this respect a couple of times: i never understood why thanos didn’t just use the reality stone to, say, turn tony’s tech into cheesecake or something. out of respect at the man’s sheer tenacity? idk. and loki going out by trying to stab thanos was weird to me. was he deliberately sacrificing himself? is there something else going on? doesn’t he have much better weapons in his arsenal? at least he was aiming for the head

and the consequences of the final snap where more than half of the heroes disintegrated in front of their friends’ eyes should’ve felt more devastating, but the neatness of the old avengers being spared so that they could save (avenge if you will) their next generation in a final hurrah in the next movie seemed way too obvious. that’s not to say it wasn’t impactful. watching peter parker disintegrate in tony’s arms, fighting till the very last minute to stay he was so scared oh god he just wanted to stay and for mr stark to make it all right was gutting, no matter how much i’d prepared myself for it. i may have whimpered.

8. i’m sure i have a lot more to say but it’s getting late and i’m tired, so. another post in the near future maybe.

but before i go, how could i not talk about spiderman?? i screamed my throat raw at the first sight of peter parker, and although he doesn’t actually get all that much screen time he made every second count. the awe-inspiring appearance of the iron spider. “have you ever seen that old movie, aliens?” the sheer range of emotions that passed his face when tony stark officially made him an avenger. flying spaceships along with tony. fun with magic portals! almost getting the gauntlet off because he is Just That Strong. saving mantis and drax. and clinging to life till the very last second even as the edges of his body were starting to wisp away. this boy. god. how mcu hit the perfect formula to represent my all-time favourite superhero on screen is a mystery, but i’m so so glad it happened.

#mcu #avengers #infinity war #infinity war spoilers #spoilers #meta #thanos

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gawaine · 6 years

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by popular demand: welcome to the saga of Fuckboy Supreme

*sigh* aka i’m dumb, what’s new

i’m going to try and keep this short bc ffs

Fuckboy Supreme (FS for short). Mr Popular of my cohort. hangs out at the back w/ the rest of the rugby boys. blonde, blue eyed... not my type.

i’d identified him as the FS of the year early on and Blonde Pop and I established that he, and my other friend Steffan, were probably the two best looking single guys in our course (not saying much). I heard that he was from money and was clearly trying to hide it (E much?) and I saw a lot of similarities. he was interesting to watch every now and then but I didn’t think we’d ever really cross paths.

except one day, we end up thrown together in clin. skills, alongside his best friend + housemate (Human Shield, for future reference. he becomes important later) and we kind of chat and lo and behold, he’s actually a pretty chill guy? nice enough to talk to. to the point where I tell my friends this (we all sit together down at the front) and I shock both FS and HS when I see them around and say hi (after HS and I spend a hospital shift together on NICU). more importantly, in that clin. skills session, me and HS are meant to “watch [FS] closely” to give feedback and I notice that this dude’s legs are absolutely insane, sculpted out of effing marble, and that same day, he’s happy to whip off his shirt (we’re doing resp. exams) and keep it off as he talks to someone. and I see he has a scar on his shoulder and ofc bc ME I’m like “omg sO PRETTY AND CLEAN” and he lets me basically play around with his weird af shoulder (old injury, post-surgery) as he chats to one of our tutors and I’m chatting to another tutor about the scarring. and he smells clean and he’s not super sculpted, as one would expect, but he’s lean in a natural, soft kinda way and i’m like okay, cool. and we chat a little and he’s nice about me not having a science background and w/e.

weeks go by, we say hi every now and then. then I slowly become obsessed with his legs.

it’s a slow process but the boy keeps walking into lectures, right by my seat to get to his, and he wears shorts and seriously... l e g s. but I’m wary of this so I’m happy to objectify him and for a time it works; idgaf if he notices (he doesn’t) and my friends find it hilarious, but I tell them I’m not interested in anything above the neck (or really, anything that isn’t thighs down) bc happy to stare and not know a thing about his personality thank you very much.

... I go out of my way to stand by that. and then, in a particularly shitty lecture one day, as I’m contemplating trying a psych shift, I realise the only person I know of who’s done what I’m interested in is... FS.

I decide fuck it, I’ll just message and ask - no being polite or friendly, straight to the point bc it’s work and I’m not there to open a door (even though, and I tell the girls this, by opening up messaging I feel like I am). this causes a non-stop 45min FB chat - I mean non-stop - and he’s hilarious. super hilarious. he’s also flirting w/ me and whilst I know this is all bc he’s FS (and I tell him so - he finds it v. funny), it’s a fun convo and it’s harmless and I reckon he’s just playing up bc we’re both bored.

... things escalate quickly.

we message back and forth a lot - he’s very quick and sharp, so he keeps up w/ me easily, but I’m treating him as I would anyone else. this lasts a while, but he keeps flirting and I keep telling him he’s a moron and eventually say if he keeps it up I’m just going to treat him like a psych experiment.

... I assume him continuing means he knows i’m being serious.

he becomes my psych experiment. lots of things being studied, including E and stuff from my dissertation etc etc and although at this point I know we’re embroiled in a weird power struggle, I stop giving a fucks because hey, he’s an experiment to me and i’m an unofficial therapist for him, right? win win. i don’t NEED to give a fuck about how it comes across.

2 weeks later, i’m sitting in the library while he’s at home, and we end up arguing over FB. he starts off polite but it quickly becomes i’m being intrusive, messaging him a lot, etc; why can’t I treat him like Aussie Essex (Blonde Pop’s housemate and my friend, as well as FS’) aka a normal friend and I’m like “lol but we’re not friends”, which we’ve both acknowledged before, but my stance is: I know things about him bc I asked specific things bc psychoanalysis. He doesn’t know anything about me. Friendship is mutual, that isn’t. basically I’m like “look, i’m sorry, have a nice life” in nicer words (bc I’m lost bc in my mind - I TOLD him he was a psych experiment??) and he’s all “what so you’re going to ignore me forever now haha” in not so many words and I’m like ???, but when he doesn’t respond, i’m like cool, we’re dead to each other, fine.

the girls notice how fucking ICE COLD we are w/ each other when we’re in the common room, though we wouldn’t normally talk, and Trout (not indicative of her face; a girl we both know, a member of the School - aka the group of girls who worship FS and his friends in my year, they have literally sat at FS’ feet before - who at this point, has been watching me and FS for a while) gets smug. bear in mind, after that first FB chat, I was throwing an event as co-president of the trauma society and was making the rounds around the common room to see who was coming and, after some initial back and forth, I commanded FS to come and he was like “fuck OKAY. okay? shit yes, okay” (he didn’t come and was meant to help me get numbers, but he fucked that too. idk if it was deliberate. it was a success anyway tho so w/e) and Trout was all ?!?!?! because she watches FS like a hawk and so he and I talking clearly confused her

but then a few days later he sees me sitting alone in lectures where I don’t usually sit and he’s like “morning Hannah” and, too shocked to do anything else, I auto-reply “morning [FS]” and just like that we’re okay again?

after the fight, I message him once - a silly message in a lecture by a 1st world Barbie - to test his reaction to the lecture more than anything else, but he doesn’t reply, which I suspected, but after that... no FB. I refuse to break that rule.

BUT I do grab him a couple of times when he walks by my seat in the break; I apologise face-to-face after he says hi and he apologises for the misunderstanding regarding the argument (he may have said hi after that?? idk) and he basically demands we’re friends and I’m like yeah whatever sure pal

but then he walks in one day wearing a beanie just like E’s and I. i just. it becomes a thing. i have a really cute bobble hat I wear every day bc our lecture theatre is colder than the Arctic fucking circle and so as I joke about him competing, I’m really freaking out bc that’s when I realise just how MUCH he reminds me of E. this hat becomes a Thing. I grab it one time and threaten to keep it hostage with Blonde Pop in front of all of his friends and they look at me like I’m insane, confused, lost at how I, a Front Row Person, dares to challenge FS. I’m literally in high school again.

aware of that, I die it down... and long story short, somehow, FS starts saying hi more and more in the morning and we have these mini chats (once the hat thing dies down), but it’s really tiny.

then I fuck up my wrist.

it pisses me off bc he’s clearly curious but doesn’t ask and I’m like “further proof we’re not friends” to myself but by this point, so much little shit has happened that all of my friends know what’s going on (lbr they did anyway) and his School are aware of me too - but OH - so there was this med school ball thing and we both went and that’s when I got more E vibes and I was like “fuck this” bc the more I avoided it the more it was happening and he was avoiding me and so AFTER that I was like “fuck this” and planned on ignoring him but that just... didn’t happen (I’m omitting so much of the finer details).

so yeah, he’s annoying me about my wrist bc he’s eavesdropping when I talk to my friend about it, but... nothing? so I’m like w/e fuck this dude and by this point, as an accidental by product of me being pissed with him at the ball (and myself), I’m dealing with some other male Situations and it’s pissing me off

bUT then exam week arrives and we have a really lovely chat before anatomy and he’s being all sweet and friendly and the School is confused and HS is confused (HS is perpetually confused when it comes to me and FS, which is odd, bc otherwise we’re pretty chill w/ each other) but at this point something doesn’t feel right bc I’m good w/ body language, right? communication, esp non-verbal, is my thing. and he’s being weird.

then I come home for the weekend to get my wrist seen to and Blonde Pop goes out with everyone else to celebrate exams being over (I leave with 2 of my other friends right after) and FS sees Blonde Pop, who he’s spoken to bc of me enough times now, and he asks where I am - and that’s weird bc we NEVER have spoken in a social setting so I’m like??

we get back; he stops before lectures and comments on my temporary cast (fracture clinic appointment tomorrow guys, prayer circle) and says something like “oh, well it’s good it’s completely immobilised” (30mins later i realise why this bothered me; he’s quoted me directly from when he was eavesdropping on me and my friend discussing the injury accidentally, and I’m like aHA I KNEW IT) and I make a flippant comment about yeah, but it’s not great for getting dressed in the morning and he’s like “oh, I’ll help you get dressed” and I look at him like wtf bc lol he’s such a moron but also ??? but then he sees Kelly and bolts, though he was laughing too and trying to justify that comment (badly) and for perspective, I tell Kelly and she immediately picks up my phone to see it and I’m like no, this just happened in person and she’s like what the actual fUCK bc that is not the level FS and I are in person so it’s not just me ok

and then later I see him sitting with Aussie Essex and when I go to speak to AE he’s like “hi??” and me, not hearing him but seeing him watching me, am all flippantly like “oh hey” and carry on but it throws me tf off bc we’ve had our one convo of the day inside the lecture theatre and this is getting weird and i’m immediately like ?? did he sit with Aussie Essex knowing I’d say hi? wtf?

then it’s the end of term pub quiz collecting money for charity (I’m using so much ‘then’, it’s disgusting and u can see i’m not in writer mode) and my gut tells me to avoid FS bc he’s leaving after lectures the next day but everyone is like wtf no come, it’ll be chill, so I do, and it’s fine, and he’s there and right in my line of vision but i’m like w/e w/e and we kinda say hi but it’s in passing and at this point, I’m on good terms with like... the majority of the guys in his little gang (he lives with 4 of them, so I’m polite to all of them on some level) and so when HS is introducing me to his gf, it’s fine... until he’s like “oh btw I forgot to tell you - this is [FS’] girl”

??????????????????

things escalate quickly. first FS sends me hearts, I flip him off, then he starts talking and I can’t hear so I go over and that’s when I get fucking ambushed by his housemate, who I only have spoken to once or so but know his gf but will hereby be known as Buttface... about how they’ve all (FS’ friends) given every girl on each row a percentage of how much they think that girl fancies FS. I’ve scored one of the highest - 73%, alongside another girl with a slight reputation (no judgement) who has been all over FS the majority of the night so far.

the more I defend myself, the more Buttface claims that’s proof of it being true (as a lit grad, do you know how much that logic offends me???) and FS only repeats that he wasn’t a part of the convo, it was only about him so not to blame him. but he listens smugly. things escalate. i’m ashamed to admit i’m so thrown off that i am not my best and as things continue to escalate, i feel too blindsided to do what I want to (though I do half-slap FS once bc I can’t fully slap him in a room full of our course w/o Drama, and though I go to spill a drink on him twice, everyone stops me) and it’s a mess and once it’s over, i’m raging and have to leave. a lot of people stay out though, so half of the lecture is too hungover the next day... so I don’t see FS and that week, we broke off for Xmas break. but before i left, I nudged HS and was like “wtf so you and your house talk about me a lot...” (literally aLL OF FS’ housemates are familiar w/ the topic) and HS is like “nah, I reckon he fancies YOU” and I know HS is a shit stirrer so it pisses me off more

Blonde Pop is raging for me. Broski is like “meh, men”, though Percival takes offence at the shitty logic; but Deej and Cap (who I travelled with) are like lol what this is a victory. in the power struggle, you’re winning. he doesn’t think we know about all of this; but you’re clearly important enough for all of his housemates to know your name. Lulu and Dragon Jock see me the next day; I make Lulu give me a hug bc I’m like “am I giving off hoe vibes??” and Lulu, who is soft and smiley and a cinnamon roll, is all “nO IT’S LAD CULTURE AND IT’S RUBBISH” and it’s very cute and defensive of me and Dragon Jock is just like “lol i’ll hit ‘em”. which is nice.

general consensus is to ignore the fuck outta him come going back in 2 weeks but?? idk if I can? it’s not that simple bc we have the rest of the course together and I know that he’ll act like everything’s fine and if i say why i’m pissed, Buttface will use that as ‘proof’ (rather than me being horrified at their audacity, I mean CHRIST ON A STICK) and if I don’t, it’s still proof... Broski says this won’t go away anytime soon bc of that reason but that isn’t satisfactory either

and like i clearly try to blend into the bg to avoid drama and now i’m like? why bother?? when we all went for takeout in our last night in Swans before heading home, Cap was like “i find it hilarious how you have so much drama around you” and when I was all “i sit in my room and watch Netflix tho??”, he was like “... that’s why it’s hilarious” and tbh yes, but not in a funny way, in more of a dAMN IT way

fuck blending? it makes no difference? hence me accepting my femininity, bc... screw everyone else, I’ll do what the fuck I want

but yeah. that’s the latest.

also, in slapping him, i felt his stubble and that was not the one.

berate me freely, go forth...

#the student diaries #fuckboy supreme #goodnight #finndamrron #franklyineedcoffee #i thought it'd be easier to say it in one go

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marbresauvage · 7 years

Text

glittE/R // love festival event chatzy

with: enjolras & grantaire @la-vie-dure location: idk wherever the people-painting is happening during the event content warnings: talk of & imagery of death & violence, some anxiety and depression manifestations tl;dr: this was gonna be really cute with R painting enj with rainbows and glitter but they done fucked it up and now everybody’s emo about it and yET THEY STILL HAVEN’T PROPERLY ARGUED IT’S BEEN M O N T H S

Enjolras 's rainbow had rubbed off of his face, and so he approached the painting area thing, and was subsequently taken off guard, having not expected to see his boyfriend. "Oh. What're you doing here?" A pause. "Not that I'm not glad to see you, I just wasn't expecting...to see you..."

Grantaire had been concentrating on painting his own face and had not noticed Enjolras walking up to him until he heard his voice. He decided to continue painting his face, dipping his brush into the yellow paint to continue painting the pansexuality flag while glancing at Enjolras through the mirror. "Any reason to paint my face and body is a reason for me to join in with the fun, mon amour," he commented easily, his lips curling up into a smirk.

Enjolras cocked his head, approaching more before electing to simply put his arms around R's waist, pressing a kiss to his shoulder. "I'm glad you're getting into it. What are those colours for?"

Grantaire set the brush down for a short moment, leaning back against his boyfriend before turning his head to kiss him on the cheek. "Don't get used to it. I still don't believe that any of this is going to make a real change." His words were spoken softly, hoping that Enjolras would notice that he was not out for confrontation. Not today. "I have been told that these colors," he pointed at the pink and yellow that were already on his face and nodded down to the blue that was going to be added after, "represent something called pansexuality. Simply said it means I am attracted to whoever I am attracted to, no matter their gender, sex or identity." When he finished explaining, he shrugged and ducked his head slightly before picking his brush up again to continue his work.

Enjolras did not confront R today, choosing instead to exhale. They had their differences of opinion, even after all this time, but yelling at him wasn't the way to convince him he was wrong. So he didn't. Not today. "-- There's a word for that? Good. That's good. It's nice to know there's a word for things." Still with his arms wrapped around Grantaire's midriff, he watched him work.

Grantaire did not hide the surprise that he felt when Enjolras decided not to comment on what he said first. He rinsed the brush and dabbed it on a tissue to get rid of the excess of water before dipping the brush into the blue color, not at all being bothered by the fact that his boyfriend's arms were still wrapped around him. "It is interesting just how many new words there are," Grantaire replied, "But yes, it is nice to have a word to define you instead of having to explain it over and over again." He finished with the blue, cleaning the brush again from the color and setting it down before twisting around to face Enjolras. He still wasn't done with his face but that could wait. "Do you want anything painted on you?"

Enjolras continued to watch Grantaire work, pleased to be in this situation. "I'm glad that you've found your words, mon amour. It's one of the more pleasant things about this time." The question surprised him, though, because he'd actually managed to forget that he had a reason for coming in here. His eyes were wide. Like a deer. "Oh-- Right, that was why I came in here. It's difficult to be aggressively gay when your rainbow has removed itself from your face."

Grantaire smiled softly and nodded in agreement before his lips curled into a proper, amused grin. "Aggressively gay?" He repeated, amusement coloring his voice. "I can promise you that what I will paint, will not 'remove itself' from your face unless you want it gone." There wasn't a lot that Grantaire prided himself on but using the right body paint? That was one thing he knew. "Do you just want a flag on your cheek or anything else?" He asked while nodding over to the portfolio that was propped up on his table. "I can do any of these or anything else."

Enjolras nodded firmly. Aggressively gay. That was the aim, and the attainment. Yes. At the next question, however, Enjolras cocked his head, pausing and not looking at the portfolio, but not looking at Grantaire's eyes either. Perhaps...yes. Disengaging from the arms of his boyfriend, Enjolras untied the flag he wore as a cape, and removed his shirt deliberately, folding both and setting them down as he jutted his jaw and held his hands out splayed to his sides as he met and held Grantaire's gaze very Deliberately. "I trust you with this, implicitly, and am proud of you. So, I believe as it is frequently misquoted from a movie, paint me like one of your French boys."

Grantaire tilted his head slightly when Enjolras started taking off the flag. It made sense to take it off, Grantaire supposed - but before he could finish the thought process, he noticed that his boyfriend started to take off his shirt, too and that... well, alright, he could deal with that. His eyes had widened slightly and for a short moment, he let his gaze wander a bit before shaking his head slightly. Not only was this a public space but if the person in front of him would have been anybody else, he wouldn't let this happen either. He could do this. Clearing his throat, he just nodded - not trusting his voice - before turning around to gather his supplies. Mon dieu, he hoped that it wasn't apparent that his cheeks where flushed. Grabbing the brushes he planned to use, he turned back around to face Enjolras - and whilst doing so, he almost knocked the cup of water off the table. Sending a small, almost embarrassed smile Enjolras' direction, he let his eyes wander again - but this time, he was in full artist mode. Scanning the skin that was available to him, he froze when he noticed the scars on Enjolras' body. Eight of them. Scattered over his upper body. For a moment, Grantaire needed to close his eyes, knowing exactly what they were. Bullet holes. Ignoring the echoing sound of guns in his ears, he started to map out in his mind just how he would paint the canvas in front of him, trying not to pay too close attention to the scars. He hummed quietly, nodding to himself once an idea had formed. Grabbing his color palette and adding the rainbow colors on it. "I'm going to start with your face," he explained, his voice having slipped into a professional tone, "I am thinking of painting rainbows right here," he said, using a clean brush to softly indicate where he meant: just below Enjolras' eyes. Looking down at the colors on the palette and back to Enjolras' face, he hummed again. "Do you mind glitter?"

Enjolras stood still as he waited for Grantaire to decide what he would do, a little confused by the lack of actually saying anything, but then the contents of the cup almost went everywhere, and Enjolras offered a returning smile, exhaling with the knowledge that this was okay. Good. He knew where Grantaire's eyes were drawn to, but he kept his chin up as he nodded, regarding R with confidence. "That sounds good. I trust you with this. Implicitly. Also, I am very much in favour of glitter. It gets everywhere and is difficult to ignore."

Grantaire averted his eyes for a moment, not being able to look at Enjolras when he so openly put the trust in him. It was such a polar opposite of anything that he had been used to before... Grantaire shook his head again. This was not the time, today was a happy day. He could do happy. With a smirk on his lips, he winked at Enjolras, "So what you're saying is that glitter and you are one and the same." He teased before taking the glitter and adding it to the color on his palette. Once he was satisfied with the glitter/paint ration, he stepped closer to Enjolras. "If you could please look up while I'm painting, that would be a great help." He said, waiting for his boyfriend to do as he said.

Enjolras nodded in return, utterly unabashed. "-- Precisely. Glitter and I are very similar in personality. Thank you for noticing." He did as bade, turning his eyes skyward and holding still. Very still. He'd been compared to marble before, and now the comparison was apt indeed.

Grantaire shook his head and laughed softly. "You are one very strange man, mon chéri." While he spoke, he had dipped the brush into the blue glitter color and painted the first stripe from the eye down until just below the cheekbone before moving onto the other side, repeating the motion. "I might just start calling you Glitter from now on," Grantaire teased, not wanting to just stand in silence while he painted. Cleaning the brush, he moved onto the green color and adding the next stripe which was about an inch longer than the blue stripe. He continued painting the rainbows on Enjolras' face, the stripes painted on to create a slight downward curve on each cheek. Once he finished, he set the paint aside, rubbing his neck. "I'm not completely done yet but you can take a look into the mirror and let me know if you like what I've done so far?"

Enjolras smiled a little, but tried not to move his face too much, something which he was rather adept at, honestly. "At least Glitter is one of your more sensical nicknames, mon amour. I'll allow it." When instructed, Enjolras looked in the mirror, and nodded. "Yes. Yes. You're very good at this, R, I like it."

Grantaire ducked his head at the compliment. "I'm glad," he mumbled, not expecting Enjolras to hear the words. Taking a deep breath, he turned to face his boyfriend again. "How do you feel about color on your lips, my beloved Glitter?"

Enjolras tilted his head at the question, considering it. "-- I'm willing to try it. Like I said, I have every faith in you."

Grantaire swallowed down the insecurity that threatened to spill out of him and instead he focused on the task at hand - meaning, getting the lip colour ready. His boyfriend wanted to look Aggressively Gay, so Grantaire would help him. Switching the brush to a lip brush, Grantaire got the lip colors needed and the glitter ready to apply after. "Alright," he started, "could you please part your lips slightly?"

Enjolras did as bade, with a degree of Enjolraic Intensity™ that only he was capable of.

Grantaire felt the heat in his cheeks again and wetted his lip while he tried to concentrate on just applying the color instead of noticing just how intimate this felt.

Enjolras exhaled as his heart pounded, keeping his eyes on his boyfriend as he painted his lips.

Grantaire dug his teeth into his bottom lip in concentration as he finished applying the color. He ignored the growing urge to just lean forward and kiss Enjolras and instead sprinkled the glitter on the lips. Turning to get a tissue, he offered it to him. "This is to get excess color and glitter of the lips, you just need to shortly press your lips on it and it should be all set."

Enjolras looked at the tissue. Back at Grantaire. Instead of doing that, he simply pressed a chaste kiss to Grantaire's own lips in lieu of putting the tissue to his mouth. "How's that?"

Grantaire couldn't hide the small, pleased grin at the action. "I don't think it was enough pressure," he replied easily, the mischief clear in his eyes.

Enjolras smiled, and obliged, pressing a second, more confident, yet still chaste smooch to Grantaire's lips. "Better?"

Grantaire hummed and nodded. "If I was cheeky, I'd say no but I don't want you to lose all the color of your lips already." With only a short hesitation, he lifted his hand up to cup Enjolras' jaw and leaned over close enough so that their lips almost touched again. "So for now, I'll put a ban on more kisses." He stayed this close for another second, teasing, before pulling away to turn and get a bigger brush to get started on the upper body.

Enjolras blinked. Wait. What just happened? He was left with the distinct impression that his boyfriend was a very rude individual, and exhaled, clearing his throat and electing to say nothing in favour of folding his arms-- When he then realised that that wasn't a good course of action with the paint around and, frowning, he tried to figure out what to do with his hands while Grantaire worked. "Hm," quoth he, eloquent as ever and with pink cheeks. The fuck was he meant to do with his hands if he couldn't put them in folded arms? Uh. For now he'd settle for clasping them behind his back, holding still save for some mild fidgeting. Okay. Okay, this was fine. This was doable. Damnit, who'd've thought that asking his boyfriend to paint him would lead to flusteredness?

Grantaire hadn't noticed any of the inner turmoil of his boyfriend and had instead switched his color palette out for small tubs instead - as he needed them for the rest of the painting. When he turned to look at Enjolras again, he couldn't help but smirk at the blush that was clearly visible underneath the paint. So he wasn't the only one affected by this. Good. "Let's do this," Grantaire said, more to himself, as he stepped close to Enjolras again. "This might take a bit of time," he said honestly, "but I can promise you, you'll definitely look like a walking rainbow flag when I'm done."

Enjolras nodded, but did shift a little, moving his fingertips around his hands in smooth motions. "Okay. Nothing on my sides, though, I won't move but I can't promise that if you touch my sides. So, unless you want me to mess up your work, do not touch my sides, okay?"

Grantaire nodded and filed the information away for later, in case he needed it for teasing. "Nothing on your sensible sides, got it." And with that, he started working with the slightly more liquified colors to create a look of the colors running down Enjolras' body. Grantaire hoped for the end product to look like melted colors swirling together to make Enjolras' front look like a storm of rainbow color. Working on the body, he hadn't quite paid attention as to where exactly he put the globs of liquid color for it to run down his boyfriend's chest but when he stepped back to get more color, he realized that he had used the scars as starting points. To anyone who didn't know that Enjolras had scars there - and even more important what those scars were - it wouldn't be too obvious but to him it looked like wherever a bullet had pierced his love's skin, a different color of the rainbow had been bleeding out. It was morbidly beautiful and haunting.

Enjolras Knew. He knew the locations of his scars like the back of his hand, knew precisely where he'd been shot and how many times and how it had felt. So...yeah. He knew what Grantaire was doing, even if he didn't, and his hands tightened around each other as he turned his eyes skyward once more. It felt nice to be painted on. It did. But suddenly he couldn't help but feel excruciatingly vulnerable here and now.

Grantaire noticed the slight tension in Enjolras, so he decided to finish it up as quickly as possible and once he was done, he leaned forward to place a quick kiss on Enjolras' cheek - just below the rainbow painting. "Only your back is left now, mon ange. Do you have more patience or do you want to just leave it at this?" If he was being honest, he was nervous as to what Enjolras would say. While the painting had not been intentional, he was worried that he might've crossed a line that he shouldn't have touched by a mile.

Enjolras leaned into the cheek kiss, brief as it was, and closed his eyes, his brows slightly furrowed as he thought about it. "I am not a patient person, R...but stillness, I can do." A nod, and he turned around, now clasping his hands in front of himself, though his shoulders were tense. "I trust you."

Grantaire cleared his throat to cover up that his breath hitched. Just how many times would Enjolras tell him that he trusted him? And just how many more times would it take for him not to feel overwhelmed at the thought alone? "I won't betray your trust," Grantaire replied quietly, switching back to the color palette. "After all, you are the only one I believe in. This is something that has not changed." With that, he started to paint on the back - this time using black first as an outline. The plan was to paint rainbow colored wings that covered half of Enjolras' back - to make him look like an avenging angel. Which was something that he would not say out loud.

Enjolras 's frown did not dissipate as Grantaire worked. "I..." an exhale. "I still think that you should believe in yourself more than you believe in me."

Grantaire surprisingly did not stop painting and just kept going, finishing the outline. "There is no reason for me to believe in myself," he said casually, shrugging slightly before stepping away to clean the brush and give the outline some drying time before he continued. "But you should not focus on what I believe in or not, mon amour. There are more important things that need your attention, I'm sure."

Enjolras turned when Grantaire dismissed what needed his attention, still frowning, and strode over, fixing him with an Enjolraic Expression. "Grantaire. You do not get to decide what it is that I choose to have my attention on. I care for you. It is a different way of caring than the sort involving fundraising and fighting, but I care for you nonetheless. Yes, I believe in you. But I also try to believe in myself, because if I don't, then why would I keep going? I love you, I am willing to go to jail with you, but you cannot make me the only one that you believe in. It isn't fair to either of us. We don't have to talk about this, but...please...at least think about it."

Grantaire stoically avoided looking at Enjolras when he came over. Right now, he almost wished that they would've gotten into an argument earlier. That would've been more pleasant than... this. Despite him trying, he couldn't completely fight off the self-deprecating laugh. "You're right, we don't have to talk about this." Was all he said. Because talking about how he viewed himself? That was something so far down on his list of priorities. "Can you please turn around again?" He asked, feeling relieved that he could hide behind Enjolras' back and his painting.

Enjolras swallowed. Yeah. He'd fucked up. So, he did as bade, and turned around, biting the inside of his lip and clasped his hands in front of himself again, pushing his thumb over his knuckles rhythmically.

Grantaire sighed softly as he got back to painting. He carefully filled out every single feather in a different color, ensuring that it looked just like he had imagined. After a minute of silence, he started to feel uncomfortable. Silence was something that he did not prefer. "Tell me about your plans for the day?" He asked, quietly, carefully.

Enjolras stood. Not expecting to be Engaged again, he turned his head to the side at the question, not enough to look at him, but enough to clearly have reacted to it. Slowly, and still pushing at his knuckles, he responded with careful words; "I have a petition. It's...to indicate public support for a more directed and applicable support system for LGBTQ youth in the area who do not have the ability to openly get the help that they need. I'm getting signatures. It's not a lot, but...it's a start. What about you?"

Grantaire hummed to acknowledge that he had heard. It didn't come as a surprise that Enjolras had found another cause that he believed in. That was something that would probably never change about him and - Grantaire wouldn't want to have him any other way but... "A petition? There surely must be another way. The higher-ups couldn't care less about a piece of paper with names on them. They'll have a laugh and toss the paper into the bin." Grantaire shrugged just as he finished up coloring the wings in. "I'm probably just going to stay here all day and go for some drinks tonight."

Enjolras didn't know what he'd expected. Hurt bubbled hot in his chest beneath the bullet scars, his jaw clenching, but he forced it down, forced himself not to argue with Grantaire on this. Not today. Instead he waited for the ministrations on his back to be done, and he scooped up the flag and shirt that he'd set down, tying the shirt into his belt loop and clutching the flag in his hands. Only then, safe with a flag-shaped barrier in his hands did he turn, and meet Grantaire's gaze. "The other way is with blood, Grantaire. I have to try, and...if it fails, I'll try again. And I'll keep trying. You know this. I'm not asking you to do the same. I'm just asking you to respect that this is something I have to do. So please, don't shit on my decisions. I try not to shit on yours. Thank you for the paint, it's beautiful. I'll see you later, Grantaire. Remember to hydrate yourself." And turning once more, exit stage right.

Grantaire flopped down on a chair when Enjolras had left, hiding his face in his hands. Letting out a groan, he decided that, yes, he needed a drink. Or five. Marie would probably indulge him in the beginning and once she'd cut him off, well, he knew of this other place. He couldn't remember if he had flinched when Enjolras had mentioned the 'other way'. After everything he had foolishly hoped that Enjolras wouldn't be willing to throw himself into the crossfire again. He should've known. And he knew that if it got this far? He'd be right beside him again.

#laviedure; 11 #laviedure #shuffled:lovefest #{{ with that i close tumblr for the night im 2 emo bye im gone goin'

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jonnmurphy · 7 years

Text

To take to shadows

Fandom: The 100 Pairing: Octavia Blake/Echo Words: 1931 Rating: G Tags: post 4x02, canon divergence

A/N: I ship them so hard, guys. So hard. This is short, but it’s something! And may be continued? Idk. Anyway, thank @coldsaturn for corralling my tenses back into something that makes sense :) @heda-reyes, this is the fic I was talking about!

ao3

Echo had given her life to her people and her Queen, ever since she was a child. The Queen’s most trusted weapons had to be picked young, before they received their first scars, and raised away from the general population. Her childhood - as much as any Azgeda had one - her choices, and even the very skin on her bones, marked with the tattoos of foreigners, had been given to people that wouldn’t even recognize her.

She never regretted it. She was, after all, one of the greatest tools to keeping the glory of Azgeda alive. She would live a half-life, a life alien to those she calls her own, so that they may thrive. Echo was named well, a haunting fraction of the original sound, but integral to the original noise. She accepted her role, and even grew to love it. After all, she had never known anything other than serving her Queen and people.

And then her Queen had died in a loophole, of all things. A cruel exploitation of law and language, and Echo’s work for her had never seen the culmination it should have. She was the blade that had frayed a rope, so that an “accident” may occur, and it had snapped on the wrong person. She wanted vengeance for the woman who had shaped her, but in doing so, Queen Nia had instilled more than an obedience to royalty in her.

Azgeda above all.

So when the opportunity had showed itself for Azgeda to rise triumphant above all other in the Coalition, her Queen’s original goal realized, Echo had seized it with hard words and a sharp blade. She had taken a city in a heartbeat for a dying King and cast aside the shadows that had raised her, stepping into the light, her role as a spy and assassin sacrificed for her people as everything else in her life had been. Her people had remained in control of Polis, her King had woken up, and sometimes he even listened to her.

He wouldn’t, however, listen to her when it came to the grounds of combat. Pride, stupidity, “diplomacy”, whatever one called it, Echo found herself longing to creep through the streets of Polis and take protecting her King into her own hands. But those days were gone for her, too many people knew her, and they would assume her King had ordered her to kill for him, that he may avoid a fight. She couldn’t make him appear weak like that, so Echo sharpened her blades and worked herself into a brief, exhausted slumber the night before her King would die to an inferior warrior.

She was awakened with a blessing. One of her informants - just because she was no longer a spy didn’t mean that espionage was a lost art - gave her the best news she could have expected. The ambassador who was going to kill her King had been found dead in his dinner, no signs of a struggle. Most people were saying his heart stopped, a tragedy, but unavoidable. Echo’s people were singing a slightly different tune, of a cloaked figure stalking through the streets, and of a certain ambassador with a love for wine not requesting a second cup after the figure met with him.

So Echo had dressed herself for court, her leathers and furs unmistakably Azgeda. She would not wear the silks and cottons of the other tribes, would never risk being mistaken again. For the sake of disguising herself, she had given away her identity so many times. In her new role, she would proudly bear any sign of her people that she might.

She had whispered the information to her King, what the people were saying, and what she felt to be true. An assassin had saved him, but not one of his own. Someone with an eye to keeping him on the throne, and someone with enough disregard for his decisions to go against his orders. Echo watched the crowd as Roan had announced the public view, that the ambassador’s heart had stopped.

She cast her gaze over everyone as they bowed their heads and prayed, saw one of the Skaikru follow the traditions of the Kru as if she knew their rituals. The same Skaikru who had brought them the information, who mumbled something quiet to the right hand man of the ambassador who had died. As the woman - Octavia, Echo recalled, with more ties into Trikru than most - left the meeting prematurely, Echo wanted nothing more than to follow her. However, her role kept her posted next to her King, so Echo let her suspicions about Octavia simmer as she turned her attention to politics.

When she was finally dismissed from her duties for the day, Echo knew what she should do. Cast out her net of informants, gather intel on Octavia kom Skaikru, formulate a plan before approaching the potential assassin. She should see if she could use Octavia to her own means, potentially training her as Queen Nia had once trained Echo. The thought of imparting her knowledge, of finding another dedicated to the art as Echo had been, gave Echo such a thrill that she decided to cast out what “should” be done and sought out Octavia’s quarters on her own.

She didn’t knock when she arrived, simply opened the door and stepped purposefully into the room. She didn’t know what she was expecting exactly, perhaps Octavia mending a black cloak or sharpening a blade, but Echo felt a shade of disappointment when she stepped into an entirely empty room. There was hardly anything to distinguish it as inhabited, only a few sets of clothing carefully stacked. No weapons, and no black cloak to tie Octavia to the figure who had stopped the ambassador.

Echo considered leaving and returning to her original plan, but something about the look she had seen on Octavia’s face, about the sharpness in her eyes and the deadly strength in her spine, inspired her to stay. She didn’t want to learn about her from her informants. Echo wanted, for the first time in a long time, to go into a situation blind, as she had done in the first days of her missions. She had only her suspicions, her instincts, and her skill to rely on, and it invigorated Echo as politics never could.

So she sat on the bed of the Skaikru killer and waited, watching the door. For a while, she simply sat as still as only a spy could, and then Echo grew bored. She could have sat still longer, but Polis had spoiled her. Instead of exerting her will over her own body to remain motionless, she pulled one of her own blades, a small concealed weapon she had only used three times, and refined its already hair splitting edge.

Although Echo had been watching the door, she had been listening to the window behind her. If she was correct about Octavia, she had no reason to believe that she wouldn’t scale the outside of the tower from an adjacent room in order to avoid a potential ambush inside her door. The faintest breath of wind sighed through the window as it opened, and Echo smiled to herself. So she was right.

She listened to Octavia creep across the floor towards her, stealthy enough to avoid notice by anyone except, perhaps, another spy. Echo knew the first things she would teach Octavia, the way to shift your weight silently, and to vary the cadence of walking so that if your footsteps were heard, the wouldn’t be recognized as the sound of someone walking. She kept her eyes on her blade and waited until she heard Octavia pause, presumably to draw her own weapon to threaten Echo with, and then she turned the tables.

In the barest of moments, Echo stood and swept Octavia’s right leg from beneath her, assisting her in falling onto the bed. Working with the element of surprise, it took hardly any effort for Echo to pin Octavia’s limbs beneath her, knees on knees and one hand holding her wrists above her head. Just as Octavia began to struggle, far too late to make a difference, Echo held the small blade she’d been sharpening to her throat.

“Shhh,” Echo hushed her, and Octavia stilled at the feel of steel. “Are you ready to listen?”

Echo watched Octavia take three very deliberate breaths and mentally congratulated her. Controlling one’s instincts was hard, and for Octavia it would be harder still, given her upbringing. The Skaikru were weak, and Echo expected nothing less from Octavia. Perhaps she was on slightly better footing from her time as a Second, but she would still need a lot of work to learn skills Echo thought of as second nature.

“What do you want?” Octavia hissed, and Echo smiled down at her. Octavia could have called for guards, or raised her voice, but Echo knew that she was smart enough to know her allies were few in Polis.

“You killed the ambassador,” Echo commented, and for the first time actually noted the black cloak Octavia was wearing. She wondered if Octavia had taken another life tonight and felt a thrill of excitement. She liked this Skaikru, Echo decided.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Octavia raised her chin in defiance, pressing her neck into the blade in the process. A small red line appeared, but she didn’t flinch. Echo really liked her at that.

Echo leaned down closer, moving her mouth next to Octavia’s ear. If Octavia was afraid of Echo, or of the potential death she carried, she was hiding it well.

“Good,” Echo breathed in a whisper, and she pulled back to see Octavia’s brow furrow in confusion. She considered remaining in that position for the entirety of their conversation, quite enjoying the image of Octavia restrained below her, but after a moment, Echo sighed and released her, stepping back and standing in front of her.

Octavia sat up but didn’t stand, and she also didn’t check her neck for blood. No fear of injury or death, that boded well for what Echo had planned. Echo pulled a cloth from one of her many concealed pockets and wiped her blade before returning it to its sheath, and then, on a whim, wiped Octavia’s neck. She didn’t fail to see the almost concealed stutter of breath, and Echo filed that away for later consideration. Perhaps the Skaikru girl had interests that ran in tangent with her own.

“I can help you,” Echo said after straightening her back again. At a lack of reply from Octavia, she continued, “You know what I am.”

“I know what you were.”

The jab stung, and Echo restrained herself from striking Octavia for it. The Skaikru woman was right, Echo wasn’t a shadow anymore. But she could pass along her mantle, and she wouldn’t do that by denying Octavia the freedom to speak her mind to her mentor. Echo’s job had always come with a large range of freedoms.

“Then you know I can help you,” Echo responded, and she watched Octavia weigh the choice. She would have to trust the person who had betrayed her people, would have to set aside personal vendettas in order to pursue the life that called to her. Echo wondered, for a moment, if its hold on her was strong enough that she could make that call.

Octavia looked up at her and in that moment she was more fierce and beautiful than anything Echo had ever known.

“When do we start?”

#the 100 #octecho #octavia blake #echo #the 100 fanfiction #fan fic #i rlly rlly like them guys

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