#and more wow what a deal

[leadendeath]

mental health problems and art rant who giv a shit

i've done toony styles before throughout my long time in doing art, and i really want to continue drawing toony styles now.

i feel like i have to strive to make my art look as good as possible, but that's a sisyphean task. i haven't been having fun with art, it's a chore.

i feel like it shows i've been trying too hard. with furry side of things, i've been trying to learn to draw lots of different species- all which takes time. and different body types- which takes time, too- mainly muscle, which is really hard to make it look right, and i think you need to actually learn in-depth anatomy and study equally in-depth diagrams n stuff to really succeed. sucks when you can't draw something you like ://

i've been trying to get better at all these things for 2-3 years, and i haven't seen progress. it's not exactly encouraging.

but when i stop trying with those things? it's like a relief. maybe in more time i'll find a balance between what i call "technical" (meaning muscle, basically) and "toony".

am i being lazy? probably. i can't help but feel like i am. but i'm actually having a good time now. so i don't know if i care :)

#this perfectionism i have is hell #ive always known art is a compulsion for me- i literally am not able to quit even if i wanted to- #but im really realizing Now just how tied to 0cd it actually is #im coming out about having that more; i told a friend the name of the disorder (By Name) for the first time the other day #and it feels weirdly better... like getting it off your chest yknow #im going to a specialist in a few weeks about the disorder im coming to terms with having :)! #because hopefully this is obvious but it causes unbearable repetitive thoughts + problems other than whining about my art skills LOL #and there's no distraction its too much this is just 1 comparitively smaller part of it (just had to clarify on that lol) #i NEVER make drs appointments and ive never had real therapy or any other help (apart from several Wrong meds in the past) so this is BIG #so maybe i'll continue to be more optimistic about art once i get my brain chemicals balanced out a bit #i didnt realise before now either that 0cd's linked to a chemical called noradrenaline WHICH IS LINKED TO YOUR DOPAMINE LEVELS... oh my god #it's all low dopamine? always has been. #still aiming for a ɑdhd diagnosis/assessment but for now this is something #and at least in my country 0cd is easier to get treatment for than ɑdhd #art talk #and more wow what a deal

[power-chords]

The thing about 12-step programs is that the basic model involves getting a bunch of vulnerable, impulsive nutsos together in a plausibly cult-y atmosphere where they're likely to have already burned a lot of social bridges. That it doesn't turn out to be a hotbed of abuse would be the more farfetched assumption.

#the more and more distance I have from that part of my life the more I'm like wow actually what happened WAS kinda fucked up huh #dodged a bullet no big deal all's well that ends well etc but YIKES

[ofswordsandpens]

the difference in Percy's water healing power in the show vs the movie is actually kind of interesting because while subtle, in the show the water heals his injury and then his blood is washed away, but in the movie you can actually see the water push Percy's blood back inside his body as its healing him... and I cannot believe I'm saying this but I think I like the movie's depiction of this power more because of that???

#also I think the effect in the movie is more obvious than in the show #which I kinda like too #honestly I didn't even realize what the movie had done before I saw what the show did instead #but it makes just SO MUCH SENSE from a healing standpoint to push the blood back inside???? #so he's not dealing with the effects of blood loss??? #its very interesting!! #it would also makes sense why every time percy gets injured the moment he's in water he's like: #/WOW! I have a major rush of energy!!!/ #like yeah not only is your injury healed but your life force was literally pushed back inside of you!! #I bet that feels pretty revitalizing!! #pjo #pjo adaptation #percy jackson #mine #pjo show crit

[sneeb-canons]

Headcanon #500:

Mind is afraid that when he distances himself from or above the others, that he will be too far gone to come back down. That when his paranoia gets the best of him, he'll shut everyone else out and then be completely alone with no way back to where he was before.

Heart is afraid that if Mind is right, with the idea that what he does isn't genuine, that he's being manipulative without realizing it. Then therefore being Whole without himself there is the better option. That he'd be thrown out because his ideas would then be "not worth it" or even "vile"

Soul is afraid that no matter what he does or how good things will be, they'll always eventually split up again or even end up worse. Even then he has no clue what he's supposed to do or be during everything, and so because of that he'll never be whole. Or worse that he'll never really "feel" whole.

#kiiiiiiiinda just saying what is a bit talked about in the album but eh #i like this #fun fact: i made this & saved it as a draft back when it was just barley over 100 #finally being posted at 500 #wanting to post my own at each hundred mark cos why not #i say that but there's only one more submission in the queue atm soooo #send me your headcanons now to make my own ideas for special occasions get it like special hahaha [please send more i only have so many] #[idk what to do after I run out help] #haha anyway #next are my old tags from when i first made this post #cj soul #cj mind #cj heart #chonny jash #wow did KJ just attempt to make an angst headcanon? never thought that would happen #anyways idk how much this makes sense but eh it works #if theres anything to get from this or how my ideas with them work #mind can be overly paranoid. heart can be too protective of himself. and those idea make them believe the other has it out for them #soul has no idea how to really deal with that let alone what he's supposed to be #or something along those lines #idk its 5am man idk what im talking about #i need to go to bed pfft #chonnys charming chaos compendium

[figofswords]

wow I didn’t think reblogging that tea post and then seeing people’s tags would deal me such strong psychic damage. come over I can fix you I can find a tea you will like. “I don’t like tea” how can you say that as a blanket statement when there are so many vastly different kinds of tea. head in hands

#‘it’s like coffee but not good’ #while a cup of black tea does have a great deal less caffeine in it than coffee #it also has a stimulant called l-theanine which is NOT found in coffee #and the more complex combination of the two stimulants hit your system much more slowly #which is why tea doesn’t give you jitters like coffee does #anyone who’s like wow I need my coffee to survive but I hate that it makes me nauseous and gives me heart palpitations and bad breath #to you I say. wean yourself off coffee and onto tea!!!!!!! #but WAIT I can keep going. nauseous? ginger tea. sore throat? peppermint contains menthol which works as a numbing agent #green and black teas are both very high in antioxidants #chamomile and lavender do both have a calming affect #BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TASTE I hear you say #IT TASTES LIKE GRASS. try a floral tea or a black tea or chai or Thai tea #ITS SO BITTER you’re either steeping it for too long or the water you’re using is too hot #not to sound like I’m fucking uncle iroh or something I just apparnerlt have strong thoughts and feelings about tea #I can’t handle ppl going ugh I hate tea and it’s like. overbrewed lipton in microwaved tap water. #anyway MY favorites are jasmine and lavender earl grey #and currently I’m really into this corn silk tea my brother bought me at h mart #it’s like gen mai cha but even more #congrats for making it this far into my tea rant tags. if you comment your tastes I can give you a personalized tea recommendation

[rookflower]

i understand that shipping random flawed women together to create bizarre toxic yuri is funny but idk I personally cant really get behind shipping combos with mapleshade berryheart and curlfeather seriously, (despite the common denominator of all being bad mums I guess) they're very different characters to me i think about in different ways so it just feels kind of arbitrary. To my brain it's like if people started shipping a combination of idk brokenstar, ashfur, and ravenwing or some shit

#don't try to match those characters up or find a throughline I just thought of three shitty guys #mapleshade is interesting to me in a 'cool motive still murder' type deal. sympathetic but wow what a horrible person! #curlfeather is interesting to me in that I like pretending there's more nuance to her than there probably is #and berryheart is like. ultimately just a flat generically evil conservative character

[andstuffsketches]

[comic of Yor and Loid from Spy x Family.  Yor says, “we need to practice kissing to avoid future suspicion” and Loid agrees.  They both look at each other, blushing, with words behind them (cut off by the art and panel) showing their thoughts. Yor is thinking about kisses on TV and that Loid has experience she doesn’t because he was married.  Loid is thinking about his mission and that he hopes this time will be less boring since he actually enjoys Yor’s company.  Yor reaches in, blushing, and pulls Loid in for a kiss.  They awkwardly press their lips together, then break apart blankly.  Yor smiles and says in confusion, “That’s it? Oh, I mean... that was-- easy?” Loid beams at her and says, “In my experience, yes! Great job, Yor!” the bottom of the page says “Normalcy achieved”]

oblivious aspec twiyor 💚💜

#spy x family #sxf #twiyor #loid x yor #yor briar #yor forger #loid forger #twilight spy x family #okay so like. you can interpret this however you want but like in some ways its not meant to be shippy #this is a joke about how kissing is actually boring as hell #and its almost more qpr twiyor lol #the funny thing is twilight never feels anything when kissing but he would just assume thats bc hes a spy who threw everything like feelings #away etc. we stan an emotionally oblivious king #and yor's too polite to say what she's really really thinking which is wow that was so nothing what did i do wrong #but anyway in this way they reassure each other #bc twilight is like oh good she didnt make a big deal out of it like all those other women ive kissed ffor missions im happy about this #and yor is like oh okay thats normal im getting a good grade in wife then :) #comic #comics #2022 #theyre so normal (affectionate) #digital art #image described #aspec #aromantic #asexual #what if fake married but the feels we catch are not strictly romantic in nature <3 #pda #kissing

[ichthyorelationships]

an idea i invite anyone else to write about / run with lol....

the premise that The Change gets all messed up for alberto, say it's something that can happen from stress, &/or happens rarely and you just have to wait for it to resolve itself....used as some parallel to struggling through some emotional turbulence / upheaval / questioning / Realizing Things, etc etc

#luca 2021 #pixar luca #alberto scorfano #another idea i've failed to write for & so invite anyone else to run with: ciao alberto but what if he peaces out by swimming off lol #ends up in a coastal town maybe an hour's swim from genoa. but not Getting In Touch w/anyone for a while b/c plausibly he thinks that #giulia may not be a fan of him now by extension; just being too embarrassed asf to reach out to luca kinda lol....luca off doing his own #thing just fine & alberto not wanting to write him now like b/c i Ruined Everything again ahaha.... #and by ''not in touch w/anyone for a while'' who knows. months; a few years even....might stumble across news of him b/c like. #say more sea folk are coming to land / more humans know abt them & not many places are as [harpoon]ly from the start anyways #portorosso exceptional in that way....maybe where alberto settles down they're like legendary but also considered Good Luck anyways lol. #anyways like some people know of him who might; say; swim down to portorosso. have their own teen who knows a teen who mostly lives on land #most convenient re sparking [wow could they mean Our alberto] if he doesn't go so far as to take up an alias lol. but why would he.... #that difference in that massimo might figure that however alberto was surviving before; he could continue to do so now; but even though tha #is some comfort it's still Not Actually Enough....feeling way more Parentally towards alberto than his biological dad like that; obv #and anyways re: this [The Change gets messed up] idea it's more of an inconvenience lol but one that could still have some significance #like if he first finds out the issue exists via hopping right into the ocean; failing to change forms; never being human form'd in water b4 #thee worst....crash intro course to the experience of drowning. observation of How Humans Swim / being able to grab any part of the boat... #and besides That unpleasantness it's like; hey. where's my nonhuman form at #or; of course; being in sea form even while dry....especially if he's still dealing with Nonsense on land. which is presumed. #&/or if there's an upswing in nonsense b/c of Other ways you're Othered...ofc we can consider like; tfw you're a gay fish & maybe that's no #something that on its own would be like Aah until it's like well a) i kinda wanna do things that would make this Visible and b) i've learne #that humans also Have Issues about this kind of thing.... #appropriately my tablet was also all thrown off. no pressure sensitivity; input sensitivity overall was rough #but i would've had to restart my laptop about it lol like eh i'll just work around it

[synthshenanigans]

There's a lotta peeps on here that aren't in the discord or on twitter & so they cant see certain updates or lil information bits CJ gives. So was wondering if those ppl want a blog where it posts any Jash updates?

#it'll be like from next video upload dates to lil bits of info he gives that is semi relevant #not the “i ate a bagel today wow” posts #those don't exist but like you know what I mean #just interesting info he gives & not like random stuff #“this lyrics means this” or “song will happen in X amount of days” type deal #chonny jash #moss post #i need to stop making jash related blogs #if i make this it'll be like my 5-6 one jeez #everytime i get more autistic about this guys music another blog is made

[sophfandoms53]

I wish Hazbin had more than 8 episodes this season bc 1) the pacing is all over the place (outside of episode 4) and 2) it would’ve been so nice to actually see when and why Alastor started to genuinely care about the hotel.

The pilot and the first episode of the show characterize him as sticking around for the entertainment because of how silly the idea of redeeming a sinner is to him but then episode 5 has him fully backing up Charlie’s wishes for the hotel and even tells Mimzy she’s welcomed to stay if she actually wants to try redemption and was upset she had put the hotel in danger with her presence.

I think that turnaround in Alastor’s perspective is so interesting but when did that happen? Why did that happen? How did that happen? What made him care?

He clearly still has ulterior motives, there’s 0 denying that given his scene with Husk in the same episode, but he does seem to actually care about Charlie and her hotel. Which can be connected to the leash Husk claimed Alastor is bound by but Alastor is also the most distant from the cast.

We never see him around everyone for more than a few minutes at a time. Everyone went out to the club in episode 6 but Alastor is nowhere to be found in the entire episode.

That bond with anyone in the hotel, even Charlie, that would explain Alastor’s sudden support in the hotel has not been shown on screen and I really wish the show had more time to do that.

That’s really what Hazbin lacks. Time. Time to slow down and just let the characters breathe. Everything is moving so fast because they probably didn’t know a second season was coming until later which I can understand but that also means the plot takes priority over the characters and a majority of the cast is suffering from it.

Angel’s the only character who’s gotten an episode solely about him and exploring, expanding, and developing his character and his bonds in the hotel are what we see the most. This makes sense given he’s the main guest in the hotel but no other character has been able to have their own character and arc be explored the way Angel has.

The show needed more episodes like Masquerade to explore the cast before diving headfirst into the Heaven vs. Hell redemption conflict. That was always going to be the direction the show went in but they needed so much more time to do it because there are so many characters to juggle and so much is happening. Big moments that are supposed to matter don’t hit as hard as they should bc the cast is overstuffed and everyone is fighting for screen time.

This isn’t the teams fault, they’re doing a decent job with the limit time they were given but 8 episodes is not enough time for a show this ambitious with everything it’s trying to do. Doubling the episode count to 16 would’ve done wonders for the pacing and the show could slow down and take its time.

A lot of what Hazbin presents are good ideas. It’s all interesting but none of it is given enough time because the big Heaven and Hell plot has to take a majority of the shows focus. I do hope season 2 fixes this but that’s also gonna depend where the show is going after season 1 is over. We’ll see next week.

My main wish for the show going forward is each character gets their chance to be explored just as Angel has.

#hazbin has the millie problem of helluva boss but like everyone is millie #you understand who they are on a basic level but that’s kinda it #there’s not enough depth beyond what little we know #the show tries especially with Vaggie and Charlie #and i think Charlie is handled better than most of the cast outside of Angel #but oof Vaggie #i see what they wanted to do with her but again the pacing of it is a mess #everyone else in the hotel has their moments for sure #i utterly love husk and i wanna see more of him #but he needs his own episode that explores him and his whole deal with alastor #which would in turn explain some of alastor’s stuff #ik he’s supposed to be a mystery and that’s fine #but we can still learn more about him as a person without knowing all of his past y’know #anyway all I thought as i wrote this post was wow i’d get jumped on twitter for saying this #just wanted to talk about thisss #i love hazbin and helluva but they are never beating the pacing issue allegations #helluva’s pacing is actually more annoying for different reasons tho #hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers

[mxdotpng]

the progression of events in this arc is so so good and great and i love how you can just clearly see where and how each characters thoughts begin and progress throughout each chapter as it goes on. while steven was probably set in stone about his view on how to handle the situation i earnestly believe zed and zapp set out to disobey steven's request. and then they make it very easy to understand leo's point of view and why hes doing what he is - its why they show us that flashback and don't tell anyone else, and why he speaks very little after zapp threatens him - and then immediately cuts to klaus, who knows absolutely nothing about the situation currently but he can figure it out just by looking at whats in front of him. and because klaus is so unflinching when it comes to upholding what he believes is morally right he does so without anyone needing to tell him whats going on. he sees this percieved 'monster' protecting someone else and immediately goes to protect it, too. and even though a lot of them disagreed with each other at the beginning there is still the scene afterwards where they all come together to try and catch each other when they begin falling. i think nightow should pay me for what its done to my mental health

#.text #kekkai sensen #sorry this arc made me normal. #i love that panel with zed even if i cant stop laughing. hes a skater boy. SOOO funny #ddo you get it #not about skater boy zed about the other more dire thing happening in this post. FORGET about skater boy zed #im being miserable again. oh my god. kekkai sensen #i know nightow just loves to leave things as is like after it ends it ends but i wished i couldve seen the aftermath #like. what steven was thinking. what zapp and zed were thinking. klaus also he was like in prison for most of that #SOOO funny that he like. gets arrested at random unfairly. everything is pretty much fine. and then when he gets out #the city is on fire two of his coworkers are in the hospital chain is nowhere to be seen the prison has exploded #there are vampires on the loose femt is there for some reason and there is a 10 million dollar bounty on leo's head #klaus leaves for FIVE MINUTES and THIS happens #dude doesnt even like stop to think about it he immediately turns around and go. hummer. throw me as far as you can. #and then they did. #amazing. this is the best manga ever. #wow ive gotten off topic sorry. anyway #i added that giant paragraph of text after all of these tags sorry guys i know im annoying and saying things that were probably #said 5 years ago but um. im late to the party. and i dont know how to shut up. so you have to deal with it #also i included the panel with neji and riel because i think it says so much. that theyre the ones saying this. #neji doesnt even remember leo almost getting his head bashed in just in the off chance that it could save his life and still he Knows #like they know more than anyone probably how leo sacrifices everything he has for the people around him #and i like that nightow included them in something so important and so defining of his character. #they appear once. twice. so little. but theyre integral to how hes percieved by others and by us. #anyway. kkss is good. #this post happened because i'm trying to draw and needed references but my kkss folder is 900+ images #and i got distracted by these pages in there #because i couldnt resist rereading them #if i could add more than 10 images id also add the like 3 pages of them falling and trying to catch each other at the end #but. alas. woah i ran out of tags bye everyone. thanks or sorry if you read all of this

[thebigqueer]

unrelated to that rb but im thinking about it and i dont think piper liking jason was ever a forced heteronormativity thing i think she genuinely liked him

#like i relate to her so much cuz like i also like guys and even though at this point in my life im more attracted to girls ive never #considered my guy crushes as 'not knowing i was queer' i think i genuinely liked them #but also the concept of piper not dealing with her internalized amatonormativity hits sooooo hard like i didnt even think of it like that #the fact she moved on from jason so quick too. not that she needs to always feel sad for him but it had to have been like at max 4 months #which isnt to say people cant move on its just for your ex bf dying that seems so quick to me #her turning to romance again to help her problems because its just what shes always been led to believe #especially as a daughter of aphrodite.... wow many thoughts. want to put her in the microwave #in other news i totally admit as cute as her and shel are it was definitely forced as a way to 'show' she was queer #but she didnt need a girl to show she was queer she could hvae just told it honestly. not everyone who finds out theyre queer is immediatel #in a relationship and you dont always need a relationship to realize youre queer #sorry that post got me thinking about other things lol #piper mclean #riordanverse

[leisurecd]

my job would be enjoyable if my colleagues didn’t mind me asking questions cos i’m still learning and so scared

#like oh the new person doesn’t understand everything yet? wow they must be stupid #i hate having a job i wish i had just done another uni degree but 1) i wouldnt know what and 2) i was too scared of all the stress i endured #cos i’m insane and need the best grades in everything or i explode and i didnt want to put up with that pressure again #but tbh i enjoyed studying way more than having a job #i genuinely hate my life atm lol #i also hate how socially awkward i am but that something else i need to deal with

[thethingything]

I really don't like our brain's ability to jump from "I'm going to organise all this stuff and catch up with a bunch of tasks" to "it's time to get stuck in an increasingly distressing thought spiral for several hours, accidentally trigger yourself, then feel like shit because you haven't done anything but also haven't managed to rest".

like please can we maybe have like a nice middleground where we do a few things and then rest for a while and don't experience the full range of human emotions over the course of about 3 hours

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #the thing is that we were feeling pretty good and actually got some stuff done today #and then someone asked how we were doing and we mentioned this #and their response was to interrupt us to be like ''wow it must be nice to not feel like shit all the time'' #before going on a rant about a bunch of stuff including topics that this person knows are triggering for us #so then we got frustrated and triggered and that threw us off and then we got stuck in a spiral over a bunch of stuff #and now we're exhausted and have no motivation to do anything and our brain is still trying to spiral more and we can't focus on anything #sorry for wanting to celebrate actually managing to do stuff after struggling with way worse executive dysfunction than usual all month #and by ''do stuff'' I mean we caught up with some journaling we'd missed #then added a handful of tasks to our to-do list so we'd remember to actually do them later #so a couple of things that are a big deal for us because they help us stay organised but take a lot of focus so we struggle with them #but at the same time they're tasks most people probably wouldn't view as any sort of actual achievement #part of it was also that we woke up with enough motivation to actually do what we'd planned to do today #but so far we've only done like one task from it because then all this shit happened and we haven't been able to do much else

[bloobluebloo]

Sometimes I am really just like, how is it that so many people can't feel an ounce of sympathy for Ganondorf? Then I think about Digimon Survive, about how the majority of people who played that game were older, and how they cheered on Shuuji's violent death despite learning about where his behavior comes from, despite the fact that he is a teenager, and I am just like dang. Dang.

#I feel like I need to make a shuuji post #because like what shocked me more than the way he died #was the way the fanbase reacted #like wow im sure all of you were saints when you had to deal with shitty parents #the punishment was NOT proportional to the crime #like cheering on his death was missing the entire point of that scene #of what it was trying to convey #admiral's log

[astrxealis]

dear gods i adore horror tbh but i am way too sensitive to it

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #idk how to describe 'sensitive' rn i'm dying in the head i should be asleep but Man!!!!! #i search up tons of horror stuff for funsies. movies uhh creepypastas stories real life events etc. fun! #BUT it freaks me out wayyy too much. bcs i really don't deal well w Those feelings of paranoia. #my imagination too good i was scared at night going to sleep bcs i'd imagine what to do if an intruder came in from the bedroom door #or bathroom door and think of how i'd escape Death......... #Did Not Help my area before was kinda yk. chillax. chillax meaning grassy tree-sy backyard overgrown trees #old-ish in a filipino chill neighborhood that isn't very fancy ?????? idk. #and the fact one time my dad almost died and someone standing close to him Did die so. haha. traumatized from that. #I WASN'T THERE..... but i rmbr my dad coming home and the news absolutely terrified me. anyway! #wow... rambling on tumblr at 3 and a half am... Nostalgic. #anyway yeah i love love love horror stuff but i am !!! so bad w them !!! like jesus christ i adore resident evil and bloodborne #is my whole bloodline. or something. but i can't even watch my twin kill 1 zombie in a re game Demo (she can't do it either) #and i can only make it to killing the first monster in bloodborne and explore a tiny bit where there are still no enemies. god. #AAAGGGGHHHhhhh ... and the first point of horror in omori then i stop playing for months...... even tho i rlly wna play more :(( #2024 ........ cmon... i will try to overcome my fears more. #i've improved somewhat at least! ...from when i was younger. like. man. i could never stay in night-time in games ever. #ffxv? nah i always have to travel at morning. only when i got strong enough that daemons were nothing to me did i stop #getting scared. ouuughhh... and i always try to be stealthy in games........... for many reasons ofc but 1. Scared #okay i shut up now. apollo rambles of tonight: done and over!