#and people caught the live and he's just shitting on elon musk for like a solid minute

[multi-lefaiye]

something about a gameshow where the goal is "get second place" is just so funny. this season is off to an amazing start

#multi makes text posts #i can't wait to see whatever episode that brennan instagram live is from #the one where he apparently had to go on instagram live and defend elon musk #and people caught the live and he's just shitting on elon musk for like a solid minute #and then at the end he gives some half-assed advice to avoid back pain #'i defended him from back pain :)' king #game changer #also. new brennan lee mulligan monologue let's goooo

[heyyyharry]

Deep End - Chapter 2: Birthday Boy

…in which Harry gets the birthday surprise he didn’t ask for.

Word count: 4.7k

AU: famous!harry, siren!mc, adult modern retelling of the little mermaid? lol, fake dating, enemies to lovers.

WARNING: MATURE THEMES

All chapters / Synopsis / Moodboard / Playlist

Wattpad link

A/N: Thank you for all the love for Harry and Ezi after chapter 1. Please let me know what you think about each chapter so I can be motivated to write faster 😆

.

.

.

“Humans are so funny. You make up false stories about us and refuse to believe anything that isn’t the same as your imagination,” the siren said.

Harry tossed his head back and laughed. He held out a finger at her. “No, mermaids aren’t supposed to exist. You’re not supposed to exist.”

The siren narrowed her sharp gaze, and Harry quickly moved back a bit in fear of her grabbing his leg and pulling him into the water. To his surprise, she said, “And who are you to decide that? A useless human with a useless tail–”

“Okay, enough with the tail joke.”

“–can’t even survive the drowning deep. You don’t want to believe we exist, so you won’t have to carry the guilt of trashing our homes and murdering our kind.”

Baffled, Harry worked his jaw while silently cursing himself for never taking part in those debate classes back in school. Well, to be fair, he couldn’t have known that one day he would have to debate with a deadly siren in a cave on his goddamn birthday!

He shut his eyes and sucked in a breath. “Look, lady. I’m only one small human, with a bigger than average human tail, FYI.” The siren eyed at his crotch in disbelief, so he quickly crossed his legs. “But that’s beside the point! What I was trying to say was that, if you’re seeking revenge, I can’t satisfy you because I’m not responsible for trashing the ocean or shit like that. I’m a singer, alright? And I don’t even live here. I’m from London. A land far away. If you wanna murder a human, I suggest looking for Elon Musk.”

The siren stared at him like he was the mythical creature. “I’m not familiar with all the names you mentioned,” she said, folding her arms across her chest, which had been a big distraction for him. Good to know that he could still get horny while facing death.

“Don’t you guys have fish Wikipedia?” he asked, and she tilted her head, looking rather confused. Harry pinched the bridge of his nose. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed that you should know all the facts about humans. That sounded like discrimination against sirens.”

For the first time since Harry met this siren, she actually smiled at him. “You have a lot of funny words, you strange creature,” she said, her eyebrows knitted in fascination.

“You know what?” Harry exhaled sharply. “Since you’re my kidnapper, I’m gonna stop arguing with you in case you still wanna kill me. But today is my birthday, so I can’t be kidnapped. I haven’t posted a thank you message on Twitter yet, and I might get cancelled for that. Celebrities get cancelled for literally anything nowadays. It’s annoying.” The siren blinked at him, her pink lips slightly parted. “Right,” he breathed. “You don’t have a Twitter account.”

“You said you were a singer.”

“That’s all you got from my long speech?”

“What is it? Singer.”

Harry bit his dry lip and frustratedly combed his fingers through his damp hair. “I sing. Use my voice to entertain other people.”

“Oh, like sirens.”

“I guess.”

“Except that we use our voice to kill people.”

“What?”

“Sing for me,” said the siren despite Harry’s horrified look. She seemed excited as she rested her folded arms on a boulder and gazed up at him with a twinkle in her crystal clear blue eyes. “Let’s hear it. I didn’t know humans could sing. Let’s see if it’s good.”

“Fine.” Harry blew out his cheeks and cleared his throat.

He began to sing.

“Walk in your rainbow paradise–”

“What’s a rainbow paradise?” the siren asked, but he didn’t stop singing to answer her.

“–brown skin and lemon over ice.”

“Why are you singing nonsense words?”

Once again, he ignored her, this time, closing his eyes. “I get so lost inside your eyes. Don’t you believe it? You don’t have to say you love me.”

“Love,” the siren repeated the word as if she had never heard of it in her whole life.

Harry opened his eyes and found that she was looking at him as if she could see right through him. He went on, “You don’t have to say you’re mine. Oh honey, I-i-i-i walk through fire for you. Just let me adore you.”

“Why would you walk through fire for someone?” the siren wondered out loud as she stared off into the distance, her strong brows knitted. “That's stupid. Fire is hot. I saw the humans on the boats use it one night. I almost burned my fingers trying to touch it.”

“Yeah, don’t play with fire.”

“Then why would you walk through it?”

The siren pouted, and Harry caught himself smiling at her naivety. “It’s supposed to mean that you’d do anything for the person you love. Even risking your life.”

“That’s stupid,” the siren repeated her earlier remark. For a second, Harry saw a curious little girl and not a dangerous sea creature from earlier.

“Well, it’s just a song,” Harry told her. “I personally wouldn’t do that for anyone, either, but some people do love with all they have, and would sacrifice everything for the one they love.”

An angry frown had replaced the siren’s previous perplexed expression. “Some humans murder the ones they claim to love,” she said in a cold voice. Harry felt a chill running down his spine, but then the siren went on with a softened expression. “Sirens are not supposed to love. Love is a weakness for my kind.”

Harry nodded. “Bet you don’t even have a heart.”

The siren cocked her head; a corner of her mouth raised subtly. “Every living and breathing thing has a heart. Sometimes it’s valuable. Sometimes it's not.”

“Only valuable if it’s the heart that you want,” replied Harry.

For a long moment, the siren looked into his eyes as if she was trying to read his thoughts. Could she do that? Read his thoughts?

Beads of sweat were trickling down his back as his heart began to race; he could hear it in his ears. Suddenly, the siren was pulled beneath the water. Harry stiffened at once. The ocean was still for a moment, then two sparkling tails burst through the surface. Harry’s jaw fell slack with a soundless scream when he saw another siren sinking her fangs into the first one's neck.

The other siren had bright red hair and a silver tail. There were visible scars all across her pale, lanky arms, and he couldn’t see her face. Legs too stiff to run and hide, he stood on the edge and watched in absolute terror. The scene in front of him was madness as the sirens screeched, their tails flapping, creating violent waves as they sank their claws and teeth into each other’s flesh. Harry could see blood. The first siren was not as strong as the one that was attacking her. He must save her. Maybe a part of him knew that she wasn’t entirely evil. Maybe because she was the only hope for him to get home. Either way, he couldn’t just stand by and watch her die.

Before Harry could even think of a way, a bony hand wrapped around his ankle and dragged him into the sea.

.

.

.

Harry’s dreams were thick with blood and haunted by the siren’s face. He’d been in the dark water, drowning, and the last thing he’d seen was her sapphire eyes glowing with the sunlight above as she’d stretched out her arm to grab him before he sank deeper. He woke up gasping, still feeling the saltiness of the ocean on his tongue and the pressure of water on his lungs.

He found himself lying on his bed, fully naked under the covers. Had he been dreaming?

Kneading his temple to chase away the headache, Harry scanned his sore eyes around the room and screamed when he saw her sitting in the corner. Naked. He looked away as soon as he caught her ocean blue eyes staring back.

The siren was in his room. And she had legs!

“You’re alive!” she exclaimed.

He heard her standing up but couldn’t bring himself to look. She sat down on the edge of his bed, smelling like the ocean. Not the fishy kind of smell; one that was unique, and Harry liked it even though he shouldn’t.

“This is a dream. This is a dream. This is a dream,” he mumbled to himself while clutching the duvet to his chest.

The siren, now a human girl, let out a sigh. “It’s not. This is real. I’m real.”

“You’re not.”

“Look at me.”

“I can’t.”

“Why?”

“You’re...naked.”

Even though Harry wasn’t looking, he could feel her questioning gaze pinning on him. He grabbed the covers and shoved them at her. “Cover yourself.”

“Oh...okay.” The siren did as she was told as Harry quickly placed a pillow on his private part. He finally looked at her, and she smiled while covering her upper body and the area between her legs with the duvet.

Harry let out a sigh of relief. “Better. Okay, why are you here?”

The siren’s eyes widened. “You don’t remember?”

Harry shook his head.

“We were talking when my sister attacked me, then dragged you into the water. You were lucky I saved you twice and brought you back to where I’d found you. This is the only palace on this beach, so I assumed it was yours.”

Harry sat and stared her face, trying to detect a lie but failed.

The siren rolled her eyes. She seemed disappointed as she swept her long black hair over her shoulder, exposing the huge bite mark on her long pale neck. The skin had healed, and the blood had dried, but the area was still bruised. Harry fought the urge to touch it. There was no way this was really happening.

The siren shot a glance at his ankle. And that was when Harry noticed the red claw mark around it. He shivered at the flashbacks of a siren with red hair and a silver tail charging straight at him with her mouth wide open, her sharp teeth ready to tear off his flesh.

“Sorry about my sister. She could be very...deadly,” the siren in front of him said, looking remorseful.

Harry eyed her up and down once again. Finally, he broke his silence, “What happened to your tail?”

The siren refused to look him in the eye as she said, “My mother found out that I saved you, a human, so she cursed me.”

“Cursed you?”

The siren said nothing; the corners of her mouth lowered as she stared down sadly at her legs.

What kind of The Little Mermaid plot is this? Harry thought to himself, yet didn’t say it because it shouldn’t be a joke. She’d lost her tail, which meant she couldn’t go back to the ocean. Ariel from The Little Mermaid had wished to become a human. This girl had been cursed with the life she never wanted just to save him twice.

Harry buried his face into his palms. “Shit. Fuck. I’m sorry. This is all my fault.”

“It is your fault.”

His head whipped up at her honest response. “You always say what you think, don’t you?”

“Why shouldn’t I?”

Harry sighed and ran his palm over his face. “Never mind. How...how do I get you back to your mermaid form?”

“Siren.”

“Sorry, siren. How do I help turn you back?”

“I don’t know,” she said sadly, clutching the duvet to her chest. “But I need a place to stay until I figure it out.”

Harry thought for a moment and nodded. “I’ll pay for your hotel room.”

“What’s a hotel?” the siren asked, her eyes round. “And why can’t I stay here in your palace? It’s big and you live alone.”

“This is a house, not a palace,” Harry said. “But I’m going back to London tomorrow, and I can’t take you with me.”

“Where is London? I want to see London.”

Seeing her so excited made Harry laugh. “No, you don’t; trust me. It’s not sunny there. Always dark and gloomy and raining.”

“It’s not sunny underwater, either.”

Harry held up a finger and kept his mouth open for a moment as he pondered over what she’d said. “Good point. But I’m still not taking you to London. That’s not a good idea.”

The siren’s eyebrows drew together. “It was your fault I’m in this situation.”

Harry gasped. “You’re so manipulative!”

“I don’t know what it means.”

“It means you say things like that to get me to feel sorry for you, and so I have to help you.”

“Oh, then, yeah, I’m manipulative,” the siren said. “Take me to London with you, or I’ll find you in London and make your life hell.”

Harry tossed his head back and groaned. As if he hadn’t been traumatised enough by all the events that had happened today, now he had to take responsibility for the life of a mythical creature. If he had been a bad guy, he would have just let the government have her and keep her in a lab like that Oscar-winning movie about the dead girl and her fish lover. But Harry wasn’t a villain. Sure, he could be an asshole, but he couldn’t betray someone who’d risked her life to save his. Twice.

Maybe if he’d just say yes and then leave quickly in the morning, he wouldn’t have to deal with her. He’d ask someone to take care of her, pay for a place for her to stay and her food. Her mother would have to take her back eventually. He didn’t know about sirens, but even in the animal kingdom, mothers never abandoned their children.

“Fine, I’ll take you to London,” he said. Seeing the smile on her face, he was lowkey thankful that he was so good at lying. “First, you have to put some clothes on. Wait here.”

Carefully, he slipped out of bed, holding a pillow in front of his crotch and one behind him to cover his butt, then padded awkwardly to his closet to change and get her something to wear. When he returned, she was still sitting on his bed, humming a familiar song and kicking her feet as if testing out her new body parts. He found it endearing, but of course, he wouldn’t tell her.

He handed her a bathrobe. “Put this on. I’ll find some real clothes for you later.”

The siren accepted the bathrobe and stared at it as if she’d been told to put it in her mouth and chew. She glanced up at him. “I don’t understand the purpose of this.”

“To cover up your private parts.”

Suddenly, she seemed sad. “I think I’m broken.”

Harry blinked. “What?”

She looked at him again, pouting. “I don’t have a tail.”

“I can see that.”

“No, I mean, a tail like yours.”

When Harry realised what she meant, his face burned, and he cleared his throat into his fist. “You’re not supposed to,” he said awkwardly. “You’re...a female. I bet male sirens don’t look the same as you, right?”

“There’s no male sirens,” she told him.

Harry cocked his head to the side, squinting his eyes. “Huh? Then how do you guys...you know?”

She blinked innocently at him. She didn’t know.

“Mate.” The word made Harry cringe. “How do you mate?”

“Sirens mate with mermen. We only need them for children.”

“Okay, that’s...new…”

Harry would be glad to find out more, but this was definitely not the right time. He waved his hand, urging her to hurry up. Clumsily, the siren got to her feet. Harry didn’t intend to stay here while she changed, but since she could barely keep her balance, she had to hold onto his arms. He stood there, staring at the ceiling as the duvet dropped. She was completely naked in front of him now and so dangerously close. The voice inside his head was telling him not to peek. Fuck. Why did she have to be sexy?

“Do you...um...do you need help?” he asked as she seemed to be struggling with the bathrobe.

“No, thanks. I got it!” she said between ragged breaths, then, “Hey your tail is growing!”

Harry’s eyes dropped to the front of his boxers, his face heating at the sight of his erection. He gently pushed her back onto the bed and rushed to the bathroom.

“Where are you going?” she shouted after him. “I need to see it in its full form!”

“This is its full form!”

“It’s still small.”

“Shut up! It’s not!”

.

.

.

Ezili felt bad for lying to this human.

Well, lying was the whole point of her mission, but he had been so nice to her when he found out she couldn’t return to the ocean. She blamed her new human heart for these emotions. Siren Ezili would never feel sorry for this ugly creature. No, wait, this one wasn’t ugly. The mermen were ugly. As much as she despised humans, she must admit that most of them were beautiful.

When this human wasn’t looking, Ezili would regard him with as much curiosity as he had regarded her in secret. The way his brown curls swept back messily. His defined jawlines. The deep dimples in his cheeks. The look of wonder in his eyes. He looked about her age, but his eyes were innocent, greener than seaweed.

She looked away as he caught her gawking. They were sitting at a small table on the floor. The room was darkly lit by the light in the corner. On the table was a mushy pile with little fire sticks on top.

“What is this?” Ezili asked, inspecting the object.

The human smiled at her, the firelight dancing in his leaf-green eyes as he said, “It’s a cake. We’re celebrating my birthday.”

“You told me not to play with fire.”

“We’re gonna put it out anyway.” He winked at her. “A little fire won’t hurt.” Ezili watched the human take out a little black thing and flick his thumb. Fire flared out, making Ezili flinch. “Relax,” he chuckled and the fire vanished. “This is called a lighter. It makes fire. This is a cake. These are candles.”

“What do we do with the cake?”

“We eat it.”

“You eat fire?”

The human laughed at Ezili’s distressed look. “No, silly. We blow out the candles, then eat the cake.”

“Oh,” she said, making him laugh harder. She found it disrespectful and annoying. Was this creature making fun of her? “What’s so funny?” she asked through gritted teeth.

The human stopped laughing, yet his dimples were still visible. “I can’t believe I’m celebrating my twenty-fourth with a siren,” he said.

“Who do you usually celebrate with?” Ezili asked.

“My friends or family,” the human said. “My friends were supposed to be here but their flight got cancelled due to bad weather.” The sadness in his eyes disappeared as he gave a dismissive wave and laughed. “Oh well, it’s not bad being alone. In fact, I’ve been alone my whole life.”

“That’s sad,” Ezili murmured, mesmerized by the candles.

“It’s not,” replied the human. “Some people live their whole life surrounded by others, and yet, they’re still lonely.”

As he closed his eyes, took a deep breath, smiled, and blew out the candles, Ezili sat there and pondered over his last words.

They didn’t eat the cake right away, because the humans said they ought to eat it after dinner. Apparently, humans ate three main meals a day—breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Sirens ate when they were hungry, so this was very new to Ezili. She picked up the small shiny thing that shaped like her mother’s trident and pushed around the foods on her plate. “What is this?”

“Fish,” the human said with a smile.

“Dead?”

“You expect me to eat alive fish?”

Ezili scowled at him. “That’s what we eat.”

“You’re human now. Try cooked fish.”

When she didn’t do anything but stare at the plate, the human nudged her hand with his knuckles. “Come on. If you don’t like it, I’ll get you the raw fish in the fridge.”

Ezili doubted that this imbecile creature would poison her with these colourful foods to get away with his responsibility, but at the same time, nothing was impossible.

However, she would probably faint if she didn’t eat. This dinner actually smelled good, and her stomach was rumbling because she hadn’t eaten since yesterday. And so she stabbed the fish’s burned flesh with her little trident, closed her eyes and put it into her mouth. It was soft, salty and a bit spicy, and...surprisingly delicious. She quickly took another bite, and another, and another.

“Wow, you’re really hungry, huh?” The human chuckled. “You like it?”

Ezili nodded fast, unable to answer because her mouth was full.

The human seemed satisfied. “Good. Means I’m a great cook.”

Ezili chewed fast and swallowed as the human began to eat. She tried to copy the way he held the little trident and the knife, and felt like she’d changed. Her mother would hate her so much for enjoying this. And Koa would make sure everyone in their kingdom knew and turn her into a laughing stock.

“Do you have any questions for me?” she said, breaking the silence, mostly to distract herself from thinking about the mission and her family.

The human thought for a second. “Hmmm, I have a bunch so I don’t know where to start.” Then, after a pause, “Why did your mum do this to you? Doesn’t she love you?”

Ezili wished she could stab him for bringing up the topic she’d been trying to avoid. Instead, she sucked in a breath. “She does. It’s just...the way sirens show love is different from humans. We teach our children to be strong from the moment they are born. Sirens live dependent on one another to survive, and so we always have to look out for one another. I guess that’s love for us. My mother is the Sea Queen. She’s very powerful, and so she has high hopes for my sister and I. My sister is better than me, though. I’ve always envied her.”

“Your sister is scary as hell,” the human remarked. “But if your mum is the Queen, you must be a princess.”

“Yeah.”

“Wow, so does that make me Prince Eric?”

“Your name is Eric?”

“No,” the human chuckled. “It’s a reference from The Little Mermaid. You should watch that film. You’d probably hate it though. Anyway, it’s so weird that we don’t know each other’s name. I’m Harry.” The human, well, Harry, put his hand across the table. Ezili didn’t know what to do with it so she just stared.

“I’m Ezili.”

Harry smiled, picked up her right hand and shook it. His hand was bigger than her and warm. She liked it.

“Cool name. Can I call you Ezi?”

Ezili instantly pulled her hand back. “No, you filthy creature. That’s not my name!”

“Ezi is short for Ezili.”

“What?”

Harry ignored the look of confusion she was giving him. “Or I could call you Bubbles. That’s a cute nickname.”

“Why Bubbles?”

“Because…” He tossed his head back and groaned. “Damn, woman, you gotta read the story, too. I can’t make these jokes if you don’t get the references.”

Ezili had so many questions. Just as she was about to ask, the black thing on the table lit up and started playing a song that startled Ezili.

“Sorry. My mum’s calling,” Harry said as he picked up the thing and swiped his fingers across it. “Right on time.”

“Is your mother trapped in that thing?” Ezili asked, clutching the hem of the shirt Harry had told her to wear. It was too big on her but she loved that it was comfortable and kept her warm.

“No, this is a phone,” Harry said, shaking the magical device with light coming out of it. “So my mum’s in London, and when she calls me on the phone, her voice gets transferred through it, and I can hear what she says.” He pushed himself up and told Ezili, “I’ll be right back.”

Once Harry was gone, Ezili sat there and tried her best to process all the new information. It was only her first night on land and she was already going through it. This mission was harder than she thought. Still, she had no choice but to continue. She must have that heart, and her mother would be so proud.

.

.

.

When Harry woke up this time, he was on his private jet.

“Hey.”

He screamed, causing Ezi to fall back into her seat in front of him. He whipped his head around and saw that they were the only two people in this cabin. Before he could even come up with a question, Ezi got up, her hand resting on either side of his seat as she leaned forward, until her face was so close to his that he could smell the vanilla scent of the cake in her breath.

Her eyes sharpened at once. “I know you were trying to get rid of me.”

“No...I didn’t.”

“You did, Harry. You were going to leave me at your beach house. I heard you talking on the phone last night with someone else after talking to your mum. You mentioned a hotel room.”

Harry had booked a room for her on the phone last night. He should have done it on the website.

“But guess what?” A corner of her mouth lifted. “I might not have the ability to control tides anymore, but I still have my voice. And so I can control humans with it. I sang you to sleep last night. Then when your servants came to take you to this metal bird, I made him carry you to the magic black carriage and I came here with you. You think you’re one step ahead, you’re wrong. Try that again. I dare you.”

Harry swallowed hard. He could feel his palms sweating as he rubbed them against his thighs. “Okay, I’m sorry for that,” he said.  “But you can’t control people like that. If someone found out what you’re capable of...what you are...you’d be in big trouble.”

Ezi arched an eyebrow as she slowly backed away and stood straight with her arms across her chest. Thank God, Harry’s mother called just in time. He immediately got up and excused himself to answer the phone. He left a pouty Ezili in the cabin and went to the exit to talk to his mother.

“My precious boy, are you on the plane right now?”

“Yes, Mum,” Harry sighed.

“Good. I just need the name of your date for the seat arrangement.”

Harry stiffened for a second then quickly glanced over his shoulder to check if Ezi was eavesdropping. Fortunately, she was distracted by a magazine.

“Like now?” he asked his mum.

“Yes. Last night you told me you found one.”

Yes, Harry remembered that part, but he’d only said that so his mum would stop pestering him.

He took a deep breath. “Yeah, I did.”

“Her name?”

He hesitated before saying, “Ezili Hans.”

Hans as in Hans Christian Andersen. The writer of The Little Mermaid. If he had the energy to be happy, he’d give himself a pat on the back for the creativity.

“Great,” his mother said, sounding as if he’d just told her he was getting married. “I’m so excited to meet this girl.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, dear?”

“I-I said ‘Well, of course’,” Harry said and covered it up with a nervous laugh.

When he got off the phone with his mum, he felt a light tap on the shoulder and turned around to see Ezi. Shit, had she listened to–

“I promise I won’t use my singing voice to control you again,” she said, to his surprise. "Please. I cannot survive on my own." She twisted the hem of his band-tee uneasily. Even though she looked super cute in his t-shirt and joggers, she was still too underdressed for someone that was travelling on a private jet.

“Fine. You can stay,” he heard himself say while trying to imagine her with actual clothes that fit her.

Ezi’s blue eyes lit up, and the smile that rarely showed up on her face caught Harry off guard. He almost forgot what was happening.

“Really?”

“Yeah.” He nodded. “But we need to set up some rules.”

#harry styles #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles imagine #harry styles imagines #harry styles fluff #harry styles angst #harry styles smut #harry smut #harry styles wrting #harry styles writing #harry styles x oc #harry styles series #harry styles one shot #harry styles one shots

[genius11rare]

Figured id try this. AH  Chit chat livestream notes / QnA  7-10-20

because i'm weird i like “documenting” videos and (in this case) Live Streams. figured why keep this to myself so here. maybe one day ill just post a google docs link for a viewing copy but idk. So heres what i got for today seeing as the chitchat part will likely be cut off for the “real” video i may as well memorialize it. not perfect and may be kinda nonsensical but its what i could come up with.

Matt has a window…. With a balcony blocking above , pointless window. Red Web (trevors podcast)  “where he gets in over his head on the internet” “think if i just show them the episode of Technical Difficulties where i made garden lights into solar chargers i can get that tax kickback?” , Jacks neighbor with the tesla solar roof , having to train people to know how to install it . Ryan: “what are the odds he cant look outside at any given hour of the day and see atleast one human with a big piece of paper scratching their head” Elon Musk Starlink satellites for internet worldwide, Ryan “not saying that's _clearly_  a supervillain plot but if it was it wouldnt surprise me” , Ubisoft Far Cry teaser… oh its live action movie teaser clip- oh shit that's rendered!!! , teaser pick of a young Vaas with scars…. Ryan “Did he get them in the womb!?!?!?  Wanna know how i got these scars? Born with them don't know…”  “What is your fave type of cake?” Ryan: Chocolate (Lava)… don't put a sprinkle on it OR ILL SLAY YOU Jack: I mean is birthday a type of cake… Funfettis great Jeremy: both are stereotypical , Boston Creme cakes and Rum Cakes. Matt: Yellow cake with fudge frosting. “Pets and significant others are safe , what item do you grab in a house fire” Jack: Animation cel of the Dino DNA scene in Jurrassic Park (think i got it) Ryan: i mean my life looks alot like this corner , if i could burn this shit down to start with a new empty house i might even be happy. (chat Ryan your insurance is listening)  Jeremy: don't have much i really care about , just “well that sucks it burnt up” . Matt: first ever smash trophy i won , only one i still have. Chat answers “Photo albums , Ryans DeadPool Suit” “what games hope to be announced on microsoft stream?” Matt :  Fable 4 (Ryan ”surprised theyd try to bring it back past the press that is peter molyneu” Matt ” well now nothing holding them back , not those trees!”) Jack: not so much games but LockHeart the mini streaming Xbox. (Ryan: all those types of things have failed idk why they think - well they also made mixer and that went tits up so sure why not) Jeremy: microsoft doesnt really blow me away , arent really anything that im like “i HOPE they announce a sequel” Matt: know this isnt the right crowd but Banjo Kazzoie? Just added in smash , Crash Bandicoots got a new game it makes sense nows the time… i mean the time was already before this but fuck it do it anyway. Steffie says we are at almost 10 mil views on Achievement Knievel (9.95 mil)  Ryan “which one was that” (Jack and Jeremy) “that's Im Still In The Air” Ryan “oooohhh… now i know why i blocked it out… thought we titled it like “the greatest stunt ever” or atleast that's what we called it while making it” “rather fight 100 duck sized ChilledChaos (yey my boy chilled!) or 1 ChilledChaos sized duck?” Ryan “feel like the duck cuz atleast it still doesnt have thumbs” - Jeremy “or teeth , what is it gonna do it can bill and flipper you” Matt “i mean a bunch of tiny Chilleds can work together to kill you” Jeremy “right they will figure something out” Ryan “tiny chilled more dangerous he can infiltrate spaces i wouldnt expect to find him” “tv show / movie you could watch again for the first time what would it be?” Jack: Breaking bad and Endgame … but only if its with a crowd who is ALSO seeing it for the first time. Matt : The Office Ryan: Full Metal Alchemist (oh anime time) , everyone talks about Brotherhood but i really liked the original. Matt:  Brotherhoods a bit better but original is still good on its own (paraphrased). Ryan : had that twist at the end of “dafuq did this show just go?” made a movie based off it… skippable though. Jeremy: Futurama , *or erase all my knowledge of Whose Line* “Fave piece of Merch put out?” Jeremy: Geoff tanktop with the tribal skull. Ryan: *puts on classic gray achievement hunter hat* Jack: Extralife Posters if those count , like the Xmen AH one behind Ryan that Jon (Risinger i assume) and Pat (IDFK) made. Matt: Tiki Mugs. Jeremy “do you use those , make pina coladas?” Matt “often! When i get caught in the rain (GDI Matt) “ Chat alot saying FrontBack ,  one said Jacks Varsity Jacket. “Trapped in quarantine with a fictional character , who?” Jack: Macgyver maybe idk (Ryan: How about Dr Manhattan he could just fix it)  yeah like Q from star trek. Matt: GlaDOS but in potato form. Jeremy “theres a lot of anime girls id be ok being stuck with but idk their name” (i love jeremy)  a Matt: you want Lust from Full Metal Alchemist - Jeremy: That sounds great , (Ryan *Nods*) i can picture that i like it or if we keeping the Futurama train then Bender… think wed have A LOT of fun , and he wouldnt get me the virus! Ryan: no he would , hed deliberately try to get you  sick. Jeremy: hed bring people in “what occupation / person where you most surprised to find out was an AH fan?” Jack: Fun story im looking to learn how to Sauder , someone messaged me saying they're a fan if you need help , *hes the guy welding StarShip* Matt: well… anyone smart really… Jack (and Ryan) : the Dr Who Set/Prop designer (Ben) hes done some stuff us (think he snuck in a name plate on a show of Jack and Ryan name or something , saw a tweet about that before) Ryan: not really any that's surprising… there was the time Macauly Culkin wore our shirt (press my awesome button) “our” being RT  Jeremy: Cool meeting Xavier Woods but like we know hes a gaming fan and watches a lot of content like ours… still on Whose Line Johnathon Mangum is a AH fan , even messaging me at one point. Trevor in chat “what if president trump rode up in a Salad Chalice shirt” , Jack: one guy who bought it , like “im hip with the kids” Ryan: can you imagine someone less likely to be seen near a salad? Matt: I mean ryan he thinks he has to drink them so…. Jeremy: also been having a lot of solicitors recently for some reason… really annoying and during a pandemic. Ordered a sign thats basically “fuckoff im not answering the door LEAVE” , have a ring doorbell (some kind of doorbell app where you can talk to people at the door i guess?)  but when im recording cant be like “hang on a second - FUCKOFF” Ryan: i DO feel like you have the kind of job you could do that , if anything youd put them in the video like “hey you're live right now what you need” … Jack managed to crash 7D2D on my local system already that's a good sign (brief technical difficulties music playing as it cut to ryans screen in the game) 

#AH #Chit chat #livestream #Ryan Haywood #Jeremy Dooley #july 2020 #text #text post #backed up #for later #me #achievement hunter #long post #QnA #chat

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 24 [53%]

Maybe Tony was right.

You were thinking this as you watched the clouds go by, sitting comfortably on the private jet. Maybe Tony was right. Because he was trying to tell you something. He was trying to tell you something important. And the only thing that you were arriving at, with no help from him otherwise, is that the company needed help, and he thought you were capable. That he also needed help. And that maybe business and personal should no longer be mixing.

That had to be it, right?

Right?

You couldn’t date a man whose company you were also supposed to be running. Whose company was now half yours. Rather that you shouldn’t be dating that man. Maybe that was why he’d been trying to get out? And you’d told him no. No because it had been unfair to load it all on you. And if that was the case, why not just say that so the two of you could work it out?

Or maybe it was Iron Man. Maybe he was worried about that, although things had been quiet ever since he had cut back on taking the suit out for missions, you still didn’t want to think about. At least he had stuck to his word on that one.

Natalie Rushman was already in Monaco, making sure all the arrangements were set. At this point you had no idea who was running your life anymore. Much like you had no idea who Natalie was really working for. It had been good while it had lasted, but at the end of the day, if Tony wanted her, he could have her. There was no way to stop him, and nice as she was, if Tony Stark said I need you to be my personal assistant most people would be fool to turn it down.

Once upon a time you had been in much the same position…

And you were trying valiantly to not let that blind you. Tony was a good man. He had made so many changes. And you didn’t doubt his love for you.

Even if in these past few months…

It felt like the two of you were merely existing next to one another. So when something like this happened… it made you feel weak. Helpless. Frightened of the next day. What might come of it.

He sat down across from you and finally you couldn’t help yourself, “Did I do something wrong?” Such a childish thing to ask. But there you were.

A look of quiet confusion took him. “What do you mean?”

“I don’t know. I feel like I must have- for you to be acting the way that you are.” Though you’d thought about having this conversation only a few times, it had not started like this in your head. Much like all your plans, not far off the ground before something different happened.

“Acting how?” He brought one leg up over the other, arms crossed as he leaned back in his seat.

You shook your head, breath of annoyed yet amused air escaping with a bitter smile. “I swear, it’s like I’m living in a time loop. We’re just doing the same thing over and over again.”

“...are you mad about Natalie? I’m doing you a favor.”

The raise of your brows and the inhale shocked even you. When had you become so volatile? Maybe dramatic was more the word. There was a shake of an angry chuckle in the first word. “Me? What the hell are you talking about?”

“She was gonna blow our cover.”

“No thanks to you!”

“So I’m fixing it!”

There were only so many interns you could fire or stories you could kill. This couldn’t be a secret forever, that was true. “By- by ogling her every chance you get and hiring her for yourself behind my back?”

“To make it look like I don’t care what you think.”

“It sure as hell feels that way.”

“Then I’m doing it right.” Said so stiffly that for a moment you imagined it was true. Was he mad at you? Impossible. Unbelievable. Your head whipped to the side, lips pressed together. Unable to look at him anymore. The silence was tense until you felt the touch of his hand on your knee. Still, you didn’t look. “I’m trying to protect you.” But this nearly threatened to break you with how gentle he spoke it. “I know you’re in the middle of-” A sigh of self realization. “...a lot of shit I’m putting you through. So I’m trying to clean it up.”

Another dismissive shake of your head. “You can’t do that anymore, Tony. Not like that. You have to talk to me- otherwise what was- what’s the point of this? Of us?” Steeling yourself for what you’d find there, you turned to look at him again.

He looked crushed. Yet determined somehow. “I know I keep saying I’ll get better at this- and then I...”

“You don’t?”

A small swallow, eyes going downcast. “I… I’m...”

 Panic-

No… resignation…

 You waited. He was trying to tell you something.

“...I’m sorry.”

Was that what you were waiting for? “How many times are you going to tell me that until it becomes true?”

Looking back up again he seemed a little more put together than just seconds ago. “It’s true every time.”

“If it was true you wouldn’t have to keep saying it.”

A long, long sigh began to leave him as he sat back again until he eventually started nodding. “You’re right. ...we really are doing a Groundhog’s Day thing here aren’t we?”

A resigned smile came to your lips. “Five steps forward, ten steps back.”

Things felt a little more right. As they usually did when you had the big reset. The question of if you wanted to keep doing this was there. Barely. You tried to ignore it. Tony was trying. He was always trying. But when was it going to be clear that it was not enough? Was it alright to live second best in his life? Could you handle that? It seemed like that was the path you were headed down.

“Are your headaches getting any better?”

A flash of tears caught you completely by surprise. Your voice was small. “...you know about that?” You couldn’t remember ever mentioning it to him. Not once. Determined to deal with it alone because he was off in a different world half the time. And they were just headaches, after all. Not a big deal. Not worth bothering him over.

He gave you a look. “You can barely sit down most days without looking like you’re in pain or putting a hand on your head. Or excusing yourself.” Of course I know. Because I love you. How could I not see you suffering?

And there you were, yet again. Hot off an argument that had resolved moderately, only to be struck by him. “They’re tolerable, most days. I think they’re getting better.”

“JARVIS has a list of specialists for you, when you have the time.”

Which meant Tony had pulled them for you. At least given the request. The glance you gave him was much softer this time around. “You ever consider they might be stress headaches?”

A tired twitch of a grin in return. “Briefly.”

Finally feeling a little better- and look at that, headache free- you moved over to lift the arm rest between the long plush seats so you could sit next to him. His arm went around you, and you rested your head against him, hand raising to that spot, just half over the Arc, half over his heart.

If only you could stay like that.

                          -----------------------------------------------------------

 The drive from the airstrip to the promenade near the start of the track was quick and uninterrupted. Though there was a shiny red suitcase sitting firm on the front seat. You chose to ignore it. Security measures, you supposed. He must have figured out what the bug was on the delivery system after all. You’d stopped asking while drowning in other paperwork.

Did it make you feel safer to know he’d brought Iron Man here?

Not really.

Because in order to even think about why that would make you feel safe, that meant you had to entertain thoughts that would justify it being here anyway. And so…

Tony flashed a peace sign to the surrounding crowd as security escorted you through the front doors of the resort. The cool air was nice. “Mr. Stark.”

“Natalie.” It killed you a lot less than it had previously, the look of happy-to-see-you on his face.

“Ms.-”

“Natalie.” Your smile by comparison was tired as you cut her off. Not trying to be rude. Just… just very tired. It would be nice to sit and sip some cocktails and watch the race. Take a few soft questions about the Stark Industries driver. Let Tony talk about the specs on the car.

Just as you’d taken a drink, Natalie took it right away, putting it back on the tray it came from. “We have one photographer from the ACM if you don’t mind.”

“Of course.”

Tony put his arm around you. “Liven up, will you? People are gonna think I dragged you here.”

“Didn’t you?” Asking through a toothy overexertion of a smile as a few flashes went off in your face. The two of you fake laughed your way through three more bulb flashes and then he was stepping into line with Natalie.

“You look fantastic.” To be fair, she did. Red hair just perfect in styled waves and a gorgeous pink dress that was… well… “But that’s unprofessional. What’s on the docket?”

Gratefully you picked your drink back up from the server who had come around with it as they continued talking. Courtesy of Tony’s new PA, you assumed. No one would dare try to drug you underhandedly here among all the boozy rich people bumping elbows-

“Is this us?” Tony asked her as he pointed at a corner table.

“Uh… it can be.”

“Great. Make it us.” Demanding very quickly and then leaving her behind to do the dirty work.

You took his cue to follow. Down the length of the room and over to the bar where you contemplated very strongly already ordering another drink. It was like you’d turned into him. A gentleman all in white stood to catch your attention, hand outstretched with a sweet call of your name. You returned the favor. “Mr. Musk. Nice to see you.”

“Congratulations on your promotion. It’s all anyone can talk about.”

“I’ll bet.” Coming here was a mistake so soon once the information had finally been released after the finalization. Everyone was going to be up your butt trying to cull favor. Less than ideal.

Tony took the heat off you by reaching in for a shake next, “Hey, how’s it going- you know, those Merlin Engines are fantastic.”

Elon had the good sense to blush. “Thank you very much, Mr. Stark. You know… I have an idea for an electric jet...”

“Really? That’s great. We’ll make it work.” Nudging you briefly to the next destination as soon as he was in the hot seat. The bar was getting closer. “How much stock we got in SpaceX?”

You batted your eyelashes at him as you took a seat. “How much would you like?”

“That’s why I love you.” A benign statement amongst all the ears listening, to be sure. One you very much wanted to read into. So you did.

But your smile evaporated into dust all in the next moment. “Anthony…is that you?”

Tony’s expression looked about on par with what you were feeling, “My least favorite person on earth is approaching.”

“You and me both.” Turning half away to set your drink down and call the bartender over. How long had it been? One minute? You needed a refresher.

Justin Hammer just let himself right on in between the two of you as Tony let out the weakest hello you think you’d ever heard in your life. “You’re not the only rich guy here with a fancy car.”

“Wouldn’t be much of an event if he was, would it?” Looking up you smiled at him, really putting the disdain on heavy.

Tony held a finger up. “I’d like to disagree.”

Pleased, mildly, when Justin inched back. “Ah- didn’t see you there… no uh- no hard feelings about what happened on Capitol Hill right?” As if he’d been the one in control of that situation and embarrassed you. “Uh- hey look!” Quickly sidestepping, “I think- I think you know Christine Everhart from Vanity Fair? You guys know each other?”

You needed to leave. This was getting out of hand. Next thing you knew, Justin was going to pull Senator Stern out of his pocket for good measure. Christine came over at his behest, wearing the same overly polite but telling smile as you were. “Yes, we do.”

“Roughly.” Tony seemed like he also needed a means of escape.

Justin pointed a finger at you, “B-T-W, huge story. This little lady’s made quite a name for herself assuming half of the control of Stark Industries. Congratulations.”

“CEO- uh, is her official title.” It was warming that Tony was stepping up for you. Not that you needed it. But still nice.

“I know, I know.” Christine was going on. “And my editor will just kill me if I don’t grab a quote for our Powerful Women issue.”

Much as you didn’t really want to, it was good free marketing. So long as she didn’t take you out of context. You’d have to be careful. No more booze. Damn it. “Sure, that sounds great.”

“She’s- she’s actually doing a big spread on me for Vanity Fair, aren’t you?” Justin contesting to keep in the spotlight and keep control like the little child he was.

“I am. I am.” Even she sounded tired. That seemed normal. You wouldn’t wish Justin Hammer on your worst enemies.

Tony’s eyes rolled up and then closed, just shaking his head and then directing a thousand yard stare to the left. Bored with this. You could tell. You could feel it. Also maybe slightly embarrassed for Justin, if that were possible. You couldn’t let him zone out and leave you here to fend for yourself. “I remember she did that huge spread on Tony last year for the New Year’s piece-”

“She did a story, as well.” Ah. There he was. Back on cue.

Even if you wanted to elbow him in the ribs, the look of discomfort on both their faces was somewhat amusing. Maybe worth it. “Yes- I did...” Justin’s head whipped to look at her.

“It was a very good piece. I loved it.” At least trying to help the poor girl out.

“Thank you...”

Deciding very quickly you couldn’t stand this anymore, “I’m going to go splash some water on my face before the race starts.” Photographers would be everywhere near the boxes. It was better to not look like a ghoul.

He half grabbed your arm, voice low. “Don’t leave me.”

“You’re a big boy.”

Christine’s recorder was out of her purse and that was absolutely your exit sign so you just gave him a light pat on the shoulder and turned to go. Immediately she was hounding him with questions. You felt slightly bad, you probably shouldn’t have just walked away. But standing there with the two of them any longer and you were liable to give them a real story to talk about.

The bathroom seemed so far away but it was blissfully empty as you walked inside. An overdecorated sham, probably like a lot of these people’s houses. It almost threatened a brand new headache on you. Despite using it as an excuse to run, you really did take a moment to actually splash some cool water on your face and retouch your makeup.

The last thing you needed as new co-CEO of Stark Industries was to be made a fool out of on your first outing. You were here as a representative of your company. What little delight you had in that. You wouldn’t make a fool of Tony. Because if you did a poor job, it would still fall on him for putting you in that position in the first place.

You let yourself hang back for a few moments more, enjoying the bliss that was the only quiet you were going to have. Once you went back out it was vulture city. Fighting off handshakes and photo ops aplenty.

When it came to an end, you went to the corner table Tony had procured, noticing immediately he was nowhere in sight. Maybe he’d taken off too? Would have been smart. And even as strong as he was, he wouldn’t have been able to survive the dynamic duo of Justin and Christine for very long. A waiter came around to set a drink in front of you, something you sipped at mindlessly.

As she passed by, doing who knew what, “Natalie, where is Tony?”

She gave you a blank look. “Oh- ...I don’t know. Let me see if I can find him for you.”

The cars zoomed by on the racetrack closest to the hotel, only feeling their presence in the rattle of the windows. Looking at your drink you pushed it away. No time to get sloppy, and if you were already feeling this foggy, it didn’t bode well. However, the feeling that something was terribly wrong was creeping up. You tried to bite it back, chalking it up to anxiety, but a sudden stunned gasp from the crowd drew your attention to the TV at the top of the bar. They were beginning to huddle.

You found yourself standing quickly, purse on the table, clutching your hands as you looked up at the horror. Someone had stepped out onto the track- a pit crew member? Why would they do that? He threw his helmet off, hard to see his face on the TV camera. Cars whizzed by. He seemed unbothered.

Ripping his track jacket open you felt yourself gasp for air.

No.

The fabric burned away as he extracted what looked like two long whips- electrified.

And powered by-

No, no, no.

Tony- you had to- where was Tony?

Somebody was waving in your peripheral and you half turned to see Happy, Mark V armor suitcase in hand. Happy knew where to go? Happy knew where to go. Wordlessly and quickly you followed him, head down as the people inside screamed and you heard the shred of metal.

“Where is he?” Trying to even out. Tony- Iron Man would fix this. How could Tony have known?

“Tony’s on the track!!”

As if today wasn’t already terrible enough. “Why is he on the track!?” Who let him do that? ...because you’d left? Why wouldn’t he tell you he was- after just hours before… “Why is he on the track!” Directing your anger because you had nowhere else to put it.

“I don’t know! They were talking about him- entering the race-” Happy was driving like a wild person, slamming past a fence barrier headed the wrong way on the track. “I thought you knew!”

“Why would I know about that?!” Did that sound like something you’d sanction? Unbelievable. Unbelievable- but if Tony was in a car- “You have to hurry-”

“I’M HURRYING!”

Cars were racing by you, Happy swerving to avoid them. People were screaming. The announcers were yelling. Chaos. Complete and utter chaos. How had this happened? Why?

There was a burst of an explosion just up ahead- Happy curved around the track so hard you slammed into the door, briefcase heavy in your lap. It was hard to see anything- so much smoke- but you saw the man with weapons. Whatever he was harnessed into- that rig-

“I’m gonna hit him- I’m gonna hit him-!” “Happy!”

Tony was standing right there- not five feet in the path of this lunatic- but the deed was already done. You slammed forward as the car plowed into the guy, unable to help a scream from escaping. When you looked up, Tony was jumping down from the track fence. There was a body on the hood.

“Are you okay?!” Happy was shouting.

“Were you heading for him or me?! Because I can’t tell!” Tony was yelling back.

Why not add your own voice, unable to help it as he came to your door. “What the fuck is the matter with you?!”

“We need better security-!”

“WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?!” Your emotions were running wild- influenced by just about every other person there. A storm was brewing. You were out of control.

“I WAS ATTACKED!” It became a shouting match.

Happy was next. “Will you please GET IN THE CAR!” Everyone was getting in on it.

Tony came around the other side, opening the door, but you saw the creep of the man on the hood sitting up, and then covered yourself, arms up, as he lashed that whip, slicing half the door off. All at once you were moving again as Happy backed the car up only a couple of feet and rammed him again.

“Hit him again- give me the case!” Tony seemed not to know what to make of things-

Happy kept moving back and forth back and forth doing almost nothing at this distance, this speed- the whip came down again. Helpless. You were absolutely helpless-

“I need you to give me the case!”

 Electricity crackled as that line came down again, taking a quarter of the car with it this time, leaving glass shattered on the seats- on your skin- and hot metal coming down. Another lash, sparks were everywhere. Tony was shouting for your attention. Finally you came to. “Here- here-!” Finding some sense and some feeling in your arms again, getting them to move as you threw the case as hard as you could to him.

It was quick- the step on the open lever and then reaching down to pull the handles, activating the locks on the suit to fold up and out, covering him entirely. An impressive thing- if you weren’t currently about to die. The helmet slid on and he moved to push the car several feet away with no problem.

Even then you couldn’t catch your breath-

Tony raised a hand to shoot but was whipped immediately to the side. One more time- and another- hearing the shots charge and fire only to be smacked away by those electric whips.

A final raise of his hand and the deranged man reared back, snapping the cable forward to catch hold of Tony’s arm- then the other cable around his neck and yanked him off his feet forward and then slammed him into the ground. Then threw him around again like a little ragdoll, sending him down against the hood of the car and to the ground once more.

 Your heart seized.

 And then you moved.

“Hey- hey hey hey- HEY!”

 You had no idea what you were doing but you were out of the car. A snap of a whip away. Close to death. Hands outstretched.

 “HEY!!” Shaking from head to toe as you screamed at him. “Look at me- listen to me!! You- you don’t wanna do this!” Briefly, very briefly, the man’s head tilted sideways to look at you, a laugh was not far behind. Fair, considering you were way out of your element here. “Listen-” And then you urged it forward. Everything you had. Everything you could give. “This isn’t what you wanna do- don’t you- hear people screaming? Don’t you feel guilty? Don’t you feel wrong?”

In him there was but a bare moment of thought. A twitch of his eye. A tilt of his head. Consideration.

Confusion.

One second, maybe two.

About as long as you held out-

 It was Tony gathering up the slack of the whips despite the discharge, wrapping his arms around them and jerking the man off his feet, launching him into the air and then down hard on his back. With that a breath escaped you and you felt your knees give out, reaching back to the car to keep from falling on shattered glass and broken roadway. You heard the cut of electricity and looked up to see Tony pulling the power source off his chest. Examining it…

“Hey- hey sit down, will you? Sit for a minute- You don’t look well- just breathe-” Happy was saying a million things to you.

You saw it there as Tony turned to look at you. The police were hauling the crazy man away as he laughed. “You lose! You lose…!”

The world went dark around the edges. You kept watching Tony.

In his hand he crushed an Arc Reactor.

#Tony Stark #Tony Stark x Reader #INY Chapter Twenty Four

[jarmes]

Blind Shield Nuzlocke Notes 9

-After feeding him an ungodly amount of curry, Snowball evolved into a Frosmoth, boing HV the Toxtricity, Freight the Coalossal, Riot the Falinks, Echo the Obstagoon, and Nosferatu the Dreadnaw on my League team

-Side note, while I was grinding Snowball up to level fifty I swapped my main team for the backups so they wouldn’t get over leveled. Loraine evolves into a Centiscortch and Lord Tophat evolved into a Weezing

-Second side note, I just realized I accidentally used the letter L twice, ruining my naming convention

-On to Wyndon, which is based of one of the largest cities in Europe (the biggest?) and is so big it has a monorail to get around

-Oh god, there’s a guy offering a trade for a duraldon in return for Snowball. I am tempted, but no

-“Prepare to see all the forms of rotom” where’s fridge and fan you liar

-Idea: make a ground type bike rotom catchable next gen

-So an Alcremie almost one shorted Snowball but he held on because he has high affection. Thank god for curry

-“How many companies does Chairman Rose own?” He’s so obviously evil

-Screw What I said about Chirchester, THIS is a fancy hotel

-Ah man, no monorail animation?

-I gotta say, Windon is a bit of a disappointment. It looks amazing, but there isn’t a lot to do, especially when compared to Lumiose or Castelia. I can’t even ride the London Eye!

-“I feel like Challenger Blinkin has a balanced team, but he doesn’t have any way to decisively win” say that to my face bitch

-Hop and Marnie are at the stadium, bet I’ll face them and Bede in the championship

Team going in to the challengers cup, all level 55:

-Freight the Coalossal, caught in Galar Mine. Holding the rocky helmet. Knows Rock Slide, Heat Crash, Bulldoze, and Tar Shot

-Riot the Falinks, caught on South Route 8. Holding the Muscle Band. Knows Brick Break, First Impression, Close Combat, and No Retreat

-Nosferatu the Dreadnaw, caught in Giant’s Cap. Holds the Assault Vest. Knows Liquidation, Rock Slide, Crunch, and Ice Fang

-Echo the Obstagoon, caught on Route 3. Holds the leftovers. Knows Night Slash, Obstruct, Take Down, and Brick Break

-High Voltage the Toxtricity. Gifted on Route 5. Holds the Chiice Scarf. Knows Overdrive, Poison Jab, Boomburst, and Toxic

-Snowball the Frosmoth. Caught on North Route 8. Holds the Shell Bell. Knows Bug Buzz, Aurora Beam, Blizzard, and Quiver Dance

-Only four trainers competed the gym challenge. How interesting considering I have three rivals

-Wait, that means I won’t fight one

-Leading with Snowball because I have a feeling Marnie or Bede will be the first opponent

-And it’s Marnie, not surprising. I assume Hop will be next

-I just got quiver dance literally a minute before this battle (rare candies) and its perfect to take out Marnies dark team

-Also no healing or switch mode I’m deciding

Marnie

-First up is Liepard, predicting a fake out and going for quiver dance

-It used Torment. Gg, Marnie

-Next up is scrafty, dynamaxing to make sure aurora beam takes it out

-Marnie sent out Toxicroak, I did the same thing. should be able to take out all of the troublesome Pokémon before dm runs out

-Out goes her signature, more people, who goes down in one hit

-Marnie sent out grimsnarl as my dm ran out, going for another bug buzz

-And she gyantamaxed and almost killed me with snooze. But I lived

-Full sweep by the new guy

Hop

-And Hop is my opponent in the final. Am I the only competent trainer is this country?

-Predicting Corviknight as his lead, so HV is mine

-I honestly want to lose someone, just because Hop deserves a win

-Oh, he started with Dubwool

-Overdrive, cotton guard, full restore overdrive, overdrive, dubwool dead

-Hop switched to Snorlax. Riot would be better, but I’ll stick with the overdrive strat

-Oh shit almost killed me with high horsepower Riot it is

-And a brick break takes it out

-I think I’m a bit over leveled

-Hop sent out Corviknight, switched to freight, tanked a scary face

-Dynamaxed, took it out with heat crash after tanking a steal wing

-Pincuring barely survived a bulldoze. I took it out afterward, but I won’t have dynamax to take on Rillaboom

-Big monkey used mass quake, it almost killed freight, and somehow took no damage from heat crash

-Switching to Echo to stall the dynamax with obstruct

-Oh dynamax bypasses protect that’s fair

-Whatever, we’re on an even playing field now. Time to use double edge I learned from Beating Marnie

-Used obstruct to get a bit of hp because I was below half, took it out with two night slashed

-Well, he didn’t kill anyone, but he got close, so he should feel proud

-Now to take on Leon

-Or we can get takeout that’s cool too

-The apocalypse is going to happen before I fight Leon, isn’t it

-Fuck off paparazzi

-“Beating Hop was just luck” HAHAHAHAHA

-“Hop was just the rival a knew he was” a bad one

-“Think you can win the finals” Yes I’m the main character

-How does this work, plot wise, if you lose?

-Oh, Leon’s missing. Of course he is

-Leon’s at badguy’s base I was right apocalypse time

-Also, I don’t recall being able to go to rose tower. This implies windon is larger than I thought

-Piers doesn’t want the finals delayed...perhaps because the leaders are fought in the finals!

-That’s How we fight Bede because he’s balloon tower defense’s leader now

-TEAM SKULL ARE MY MINIONS NOW!

-The monorail goes through the Ferris wheel that isn’t safe

-Oh look Oleana is interfering because she’s evil

-Let’s go find the douchebag wearing sunglasses at night so we can mug him

-Okay, this dumb motherfucker decided to hide his sunglasses not by taking them off, but by staring at a goddamn wall

-God I’m over leveled

-Team skull helps me out!

-It took me 20 minutes to find the man in the phone booth

-Piers took our enemies with rock music!

-This tower is hella evil

-Murder elevator tower

-So I started this tower with Snowball out front and they only use steel types so I have to keep switching to Freight

-Also Hop starts with a dubwool the shit man

-Take a chill pill Ole

-Wait, you want to stop me so Leon can’t fight me so he’ll be sad and manipulable? Seriously?

-Frosslass, Salazzle, Milotic? So beauty/feminine pokemon

-Oh shit leg onion almost killed Snowball with acrobatics

-HER FINAL POKÉMON IS A GARBADOR YES!

-And I used my dm on Snowball so I’m taking this thing out with a non dmed HV

-It has boats it’s trash island just like galar

-Nevermind, HV’s almost dead. Switching to Echo

-Tanked two blows, time for night slash

-Ha! It uses toxic spikes!

-It did it again now it’s dead!

-Oh wow hand drawn image

-Leon’s still a good boy! Also disaster in a thousand years what

-Oh, Rose isn’t an evil coal baron. He’s an evil Elon Musk. So normal Elon Musk

-Wait, we aren’t fighting him? He’s...he’s evil! We know he’s evil! His minions tried to kill us five minutes ago!

-Whatever, it’s champion time

-I’ve been here before, Hop. I fought you here

-All of the leaders are in the lockers its rematch time

-Wait, no Bede or Opal

-I have no idea who I’ll be facing. Riot is up front I guess

-Bede’s back bitches!

-Oh shit, Riot is my lead. Wait I have a dark type I’ll be fine

-How did he even get here isn’t there security

Gym Leader Bede

-He’s starting with a Mawhile, Switching up his style

-Oh right Mawhile is a fairy type I should have switched. Whatever, it’s dead now

-I actually don’t have a good counter for gardevoir. Nosferatu cause he has an assault vest I guess.

-Dont use a full restore you little bitch

-Gardevoir down, onto Rapidash. The one that doesn’t explode when it sees a rock water

-This thing is so goddamn girly I love it

-I’m pretty sure it’s psychic, but I don’t know for sure so I’m cautious on switching to Echo

-Ha! Psycho Cut doesn’t affect me!

-Oh shit dazzling gleam. NVMD it did jack shit

-Good News: rapidash is dead. Bad news: my dark type only has 21 hit points

-Switching off Set makes the same so much more difficult I should have done this from the start

-Bede switched to hatterene and gygantamaxed

-OH GOD IT SMITED MY SNOWBALL AND ALMOST KILLED IT

-Okay, back to Nosferatu

-Okay, Nosferatu’s almost dead, back to Echo

-Switching to stall out dynamax is such a bullshit strategy

-Scouted with Obstruct, it used dazzling gleam

-Switching to Freight because she’s my only Pokémon who isn’t poison type or almost dead

-Took next to no damage, now for a max flare to end this

-GG, Bede. I know this is faint praise but that was the toughest rival battle in the game

-Okay, now for the real leaders

-I know I’m not fighting Raihan or Milo cause they’re fighting each other, so I have to worry about Water/Fire/Ghost/Ice/Dark for my first match. Nosferatu is the best for that lineup so he’s leading

-Okay, it’s Nessa. Not great, but I was tempted to go with freight instead of Nosferatu so it could be worse

Nessa

-First is Golispod. Eat rock slide

-It emergency exited to baraskewda, Switching to HV

-OH GOD DRILL RUN NEW PLAN RIOT I GUESS

-You know what? Not saving the dm. Riot flutterbied barraskewda to death

-Oh no, pelliper. Flying types are bad for riot. B: Drizzle

-It tanked a Max knuckle and used tailwind I’m fucked

-Switching back to Nosferatu. Took out pelliper but took a ton of damage. I’d switch, but the next Pokémon is a pelliper and I’m not a coward

-It almost killed by with waterfall but it’s dead now

-That leaves golispod and gm Dreadnaw. I’m going back to riot

-Killed golispod with first impression because irony

-Riots almost dead, but a close combat brought it low. Switching to Echo

-A powerful offensive move that lays stealth rock that’s broken.

-Onstruct to tank, then kill it with night slash

-OH GOD IT OUTSPED ME AND KILLED ECHO WITH LIQUIDATION

-HV barely survived the stealth rock, but Echo can Rest In Peace now

-Accidentally clicked away from the tournament screen, only saw that Piers went on. Going in pretty blind

-Replacing Echo with Warrior the grapploct. I know it’s doubling up on fighting, but it’s the only box Pokémon up to snuff

-Used some tms, current moveset Waterfall, Superpower, Brick Break, Dig

-You know, this tragedy would have been averted if I allowed healing

-Okay, making me fight the Ghost leader right after my Obstagoon dies is a dick move, game

Allister

-Is this a horrible set of working conditions destroying the games industry? CAUSE ITS CRUNCH TIME

-Duskinoir? CRONCH!

-Polteageist? CRONCH!

-Chandelure? Liquidation, actually

-Cursola? DYNAMAX CRONCH!

-Gygantamax Gengar? IRONIC VORR MONSTER CRONCH!

-So yeah, I griffin McElroy’d Allister to death

-Next up is Raihan, then Leon and Rose and box doggo and the ending. But I’ll handle that tomorrow cause it’s 2:30 AM and I got school tomorrow

-I mean, it’s in the afternoon, but I also have homework due at the start of class

#pokemon nuzloke #pokemon shield #pokemon sword and shield #nuzlocke

[dearyallfrommatt]

Alt-weeklies are dead. Blogs are dead. Bootlickers and the civility police won.

 The above story from The New Republic written by Alex Pareene was brought to my Twitter world by Radley Balko, superlative journalist and maybe the only self-described libertarian I’d let thrive after the Purge. In short, it discusses the recent emasculation of Deadspin and how it’s indicative of the death of the “rude press”. That is, the elimination of smaller, shall we say less respectful outlets like Splinter and Gawker, publications that would stick their fingers into they eyes of the rich and the very much richer.

 And it’s not just those web-based publications’ deaths that article warns of. It’s the slow extinction of the alt-weekly or alt-monthly, all to be replaced by boutique publications that won’t be so gauche as to upset their betters. In other words, they’ll be “civil” because “civility” might be the most important thing we’re missing in this cold, cruel world.

 The first writing gig I got out of college was at an alt-monthly and the only “regular job” I’ve ever had was with an alt-weekly, so I might be a bit biased on this matter. Twenty-some-odd years ago in Gainesville, FL, a pair of cats named Colin Whitworth and Mike Podalsky started MOON Magazine, maybe the altest alternative magazine that wasn’t a ‘zine that I’ve ever seen. I mostly wrote about music and Gainesville being what it was, there wasn’t much sticking-in-the-eye that needed doing.

 Though I do remember them pissing of a real estate guy so badly he started his own “alt-monthly” in competition. It lasted one issue as I recall. Every afternoon at 4:20, we'd have a “staff meeting” and the magazine run pieces from severely left-wing sources going after the destruction of the Everglades or the dangers of the Cassini probe. It was that kind of magazine.

 After I left Gainesville for Athens, I took up with Flagpole Magazine, a music/news/arts weekly in Michael Stipe’s hometown. Athens is a different town and publisher Pete McCommons was a different breed. An old school newspaper man contrasted to Mike and Colin’s “young upstarts”, Flagpole was a gentler poke that nevertheless contrasted well with the bought-and-owned-by-the-chamber-of-commerce local daily, The Athens Banner-Herald. He still gave a lot of room to his staff to go nuts, notably my direct editor Ballard Lesemann.

 When I left college in 1997, I had already worked in actual, for real newspapers for almost a decade. Furthermore, I’d grown my hair long and discovered Hunter Thompson, so I was by no means inclined to go back to covering school board meetings for some small town weekly. MOON went the way of the dodo sometime in 2001, and though I left in 2002, Flagpole’s still kicking.

 I rarely made anything close to a living at writing, but I’m thankful of my time with the alts and grateful to Colin, Mike, Pete and Ballard for letting me share the ride with them and have a little fun. So, again, grain of salt. One thing working on alternatives taught me was that “complete objectivity” was not only impossible but unnecessary so long as your cards are on the table, so I ain’t going to put no shuck on you.

 Now, I won’t summarize or really explore what the above-linked New Republic piece goes into. I highly recommend it be read and considered with much gravity. Even if you don’t agree with its conclusions - or even the need for the existence of “rude journalism” - do study on what it suggests. Do we really want a world where the extremely rich, either as individuals or as a group, can shut down publications that don’t show proper fealty and people who’re willing to tell the Boss Man to take this job and shove it?

 The responses to Radley’s retweet and others I’ve seen elsewhere are telling indeed, though. While there are plenty of sympathetic voices, not a few folks are saying “well, good, fuck ‘em”. There is a negative view of journalists, but if anyone suggests that it’s caused by recent events in the business are lying or stupid or ignorant or all three. For as long as there have been rich dudes willing to start wars for more wealth, there have been plenty of poor bastards willing to die for them. Nowadays, we have folks willing to pay Major League Baseball for what they used to get for free, and not even blink an eye.

 A lot of it’s political. Right-wing media doesn’t have the same problems in getting funding because, well, most rich people are quite fine with the nuts and bolts of conservative thought. The economic side, anyway, which spells less taxes or regulation; the social side, they have enough pull to not have to worry about anyone griping unless they piss off someone higher up the ladder.

 Which is extremely amusing, since these are the same folks who stay constantly stricken with the vapors about how much money Hillary Clinton (or Elizabeth Warren or Barrack Obama or Bernie Sanders or fill-in-the-blank-here) bring home. The “common people”, they’re saying, don’t need hoity-toity nerds who can string sentences together and count without taking off their shoes telling us that they’re favorite rich guy needs a kick in the nuts for being the type of bastard that needs kicking in the nuts on a regular basis. The hooting baboons that support digital frat houses like Barstool are happy to stick it to those PC creeps, man, rebelling in that way that hurts the actual elite not one tiny bit.

 They also hate the corporate media and social media sites, which they will tell you endlessly in the comments sections of corporate medias’ pages on social media while FOX and CNN have a special on it every other week. They hate “political correctness” trying to tell them that the “natural order” isn’t just boozy white dudes watching the Pats and gorging on chicken wings, making  cracks about the opposing quarterback being homosexual or making “hey-it’s-just-a-joke” jokes about Serena Williams or some WNBA playing being a “man, baby”.

 There is most definitely a place for big mainstream news sources like CNN or The New York Times or TIME Magazine. A professor of my in journalism school used to repeat the quote, paraphrased from memory, that “journalism is the first rough draft of history”. Despite what the right wing has been screaming for years, whoever the president is, the big papers are rarely out for his blood. Once you become president, you are a “Washington insider” and all the corporate media really cares about is making money. 

 Whatever he says about the “Washington Swamp” and “fake news”, Donald Trump’s been part of that world, as is every Washington politician or media figure. FOX News is the mainstream media and the Washington Examiner has plenty of backing to keep that so. Who funds The Federalist? That publication has its place but that question must be asked. To do otherwise is to tell the powerful that you’re just fine with them running things, thank you very much.

 But there needs to be a place for a small, scrappy paper speaking for the weird and shat-upon, flicking the earlobe of the rich and powerful and running ads for weekly drag shows. The dirtbag center - that’s what I’m calling the tedious middle-class bourgeoisie spawn that all voted for Trump because they hated Hillary but don’t want to admit it and were shocked as the rest of us, deal with it - wants to be kept fat and saucy while their kids joke about “learning to code” and they all grind themselves down in a miserable existence. Sticking it to the media and the elite, man, all up in the “intellectual dark web,” man, just like Peter Thiel or Bari Weiss, man.

 This is one of those things that shouldn’t surprise me as much as it does, because these people are that guy who started a one-run magazine to get back at Colin and Mike for saying hurtful things about them being crooked. In America, at least, there has always, always been a group of people who will kick down for the benefit of their upper-class betters and do it with a smile on their faces. It’s why dumbass country boys went to die for slavery and why thick-necked hardhats smashed picket lines and assassinated union leaders.

 Like the story notes, we all thought that blogs would be the new hotness, but that lasted just long enough for Google to deciding that “do no evil” was bad for the bottom line. People, especially wingnuts, boo-hoo about Facebook or Twitter without acknowledging or even recognizing that Mark Zuckerberg is a greedy little shit and Jack Dorsey is quite comfortable with cosplaying Nazis. Thanks to Ajit Pai’s bought-and-sold ass, Net Neutrality - about the only thing that keeps the internet from being anything other than a glorified Want Ads - is going to be that much harder to make reality.

A lot of this goes back to the “civility” thing, or lack thereof, NYT columnists bemoan whenever they get caught out being a dipstick. We’re too mean to each other, they say, we don’t know how to respect each other, they say. Rich people know how to run things better than the hoi polloi, so do sit down and be quiet like nice children. Or else. 

 Because here’s the thing, friends and neighbors: the rich, I mean really rich class in this country do not give a solid gold shit about you apart from how much more money they can squeeze out. Suck up to Elon Musk all you want and bemoan Bill Gates having to pay so much in taxes that he’s still a billionaire afterwards all you want. They are not going to let you on the space ship with them once they’re done fouling the waters and scouring the land.

 You can cheer the death of Deadspin all you want, hoot at the firings of journalist who say bad things about Trump or the cops or Tom Brady, and general be gleeful that the media all should “learn to code” to your heart’s content. Because it won’t end there. Conglomerations are already scooping up weekly and small town dailies, shuttering the superfluous and give everyone the same story in the same tone while kissing the proper butts.

 In the end, we need an antagonistic press. We need someone willing to piss off the deep pockets and old families and moneyed interests. We need someone that’ll give a voice to left-handed, bisexual, transvestite furries who love swing dancing. Or even just a little time, a slice of acknowledgement that the world isn’t just boozy obnoxious white dudes on barstools or bitter wine moms sniping on Facebook. You can cheer the downfall of such, but all you’re doing is putting the noose around your own throat and saving the Powers That Be a little time.

 You may not want to rock the boat, friends and neighbors, but have no illusions. When the rubber hits the road, the Wealthy Elite will throw you over. Don’t make it easier for them.

#business #journalism #radley balko #it came from twitter #new republic #alex pareene #the death of resisting #pat gish #tom gish #the mountain eagle

[mypointremains]

I'm voluntarily going to be in debt forever just because I like listening to this shit

this is where I'm gonna put all the interesting (to me) things that are said in all my classes this semester. some of these are quotes from written works that I don't feel like citing, some of these are things professors/classmates say. feel free to ignore this post, it's mostly just for me.

the test of a first rate intelligence is the ability to hold two opposed ideas in the mind at the same time, and still retain the ability to function

be able to see that things are hopeless and yet be determined to make them otherwise

for a long time I had not liked people and things, but only followed the rickety old pretense of liking

hating the night when I couldn't sleep and hating the day because it went toward night

at three o'clock in the morning, a forgotten package has the same tragic importance as a death sentence

in a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day

the natural state of the sentient adult is a qualified unhappiness

how important is happiness? are you happy in your search for happiness? is the absence of happiness unhappiness?

it doesn't matter if you don't know what to write, you just have to keep writing. kind of like life sometimes

what happens when the bear gets to the top of the mountain? it has to go down the other side

productivity is an enormously depressing word

she was brunette with curly hair, not a prostitute, but she had once fired a serial killer

I'm not fun, I'm not a good time so she would be exhausting and I would hate her

there is a big difference between "murderer" and "santa claus"

maybe we're all just reckless and irresponsible

laughter that caught the joy, implied and mocked the sorrow in every joy

class cancelled. grace is in jail

because I don't understand how time passes.

how life in the US in NY changed in twenty seven years fifty years ago

don't be bitter, it's never too late. "no" he said with a great deal of bitterness

I wanted a sailboat, but you didn't want anything.

I want, for instance, to be a different person

I can take some appropriate action, although I am better known for my hospitable remarks

I'm a tree hugger. I literally hug trees. maples are my favorite, oaks are a little too rough

Plato's view of democracy can be summed up in 3 words: people. are. stupid.

economics is not about money, it's about value

totally non-partisan statement: Hillary would have been an outstanding president

David Cameron saved Britain

war is inefficient

why isn't there a possessive apostrophe on "its"? it doesn't make sense

we shouldn't have to live in a world like this. but we do.

selfishly in their self absorbed self interest

Montana is a country

tbh Germany didn't even lose WWI

the people running democratic campaigns are just dumb

would you rather be Greece or Venezuela? kind of a trick question, both suck but one sucks a little more than the other

morality is subordinate to self interest

is radicalism actually radical? ehh

are humans really good or really bad? neither, and both

altruism is a fallacy

love is the most selfish thing in the world

humans are the most dangerous animals in the zoo

is history war interrupted by moments of peace, or peace interrupted by moments of war?

democracies don't fight wars against democracies

everyone has a vast misunderstanding of history

what you omit and what you include are equally important

all of your problems are your fault

Elon Musk is going to save us all. he is our greatest American, followed closely by Oprah Winfrey

if Vladimir Lenin can understand that socialist policies don't work...

Emmanuel Kant is a misunderstood realist, and thus the father of liberalism

"IM THE KING, IM THE MONARCH, IM THE SOVEREIGN, AND I WANNA GO TO WAR WITH SCOTLAND SO WERE GOING TO WAR WITH SCOTLAND"

I prefer a bullet to the head, by the way

was he a sadist, or did he just find the best way to torture people into obeying him? there's a difference

in the collective, there's incentive for the individual to cheat. that's why socialism fails.

Vladimir Putin is probing the west. and so far, he's winning

"uh we're pulling out of this court, we don't recognize its authority, we're not paying a dime to Nicaragua, everybody can go fuck themselves"- the US reaponse to a UN verdict about mines

the biggest problems with war: it kills people and breaks things

there's not that many Cersei Lannisters in the world. there are literally no Jon Snows. the average ruler is a Tarly, at best

Iranian-American relations are so interesting; both countries have been voluntarily and involuntarily fucking with each other for years

Marxists are an intellectually oppressed minority. or they should be

socialism is rape; capitalism is consensual

the corporate tax rate is too damn high

[tinaaatino]

Acid Trip

Last weekend Z and T and their friend A J and I made a bonfire and candy flipped. This candy flipping is a new thing for me, they do it here in San Diego. You take an acid plus a molly. Or an ecstasy. I’ll never know the difference. 

I guess I was expecting more of an intense molly trip but it was simply a bit of molly feeling at the beginning and then a little bit of LSD visuals and then I fucking figured something out about myself and I cried for 5 hours. 

I would say it is one of the most beautiful and life understanding trips I’ve ever had (only three on LSD so far, another 4 mushroom trips). It’s absolutely a step up from taking acid with Jimmy at Mono, or that one jungle bar I threw up at.

A part of me feels so high building these connections between what life has shown me and grown inside of me and what the acid shows me and subsequently what my therapy shows me. I try not to think of it as elitism but I’m screaming in my head right now like, “Don’t you see!!!!!!” it feels like I’m the only person that is paying attention to this. So the other part of me kind of wants to tell the hungry for connections to take a chill pill, because no one really cares. Either they don’t care at all, or they already know all of this and so they just look at me like, duh. 

Am I this stupid? Am I this young of a soul?

Let’s start there. The idea that I’m a new soul came to me many years by someone calling me such. I subsequently used it to describe myself, and on last weekend’s trip as I was explaining this to A J, he said it’s because I’m inquisitive. Imagine I’m a new soul, and life is an experience that the consciousness chooses to partake in, you can even go as far as to believe Elon Musk’s sayings that we’re living in a simulation. It seems very plausible to me that, yes, machines achieved consciousness, and they’ve (or the Gods, or Buddha, or whatever) created this organic, biological simulation, humans, we reproduce constantly, we’re better than rabbits but we are essentially living in this experiment. And consciousness is, in fact, this “no-thing and everything” as described by my therapy book AND by psychonaut illustrations. 

Our physical language does not have a word for what consciousness is because it transcends time and space and it does not have a beginning and an end, thus it is not a “thing” but a no - thing or also every thing, which is what something is if it is not a thing. The opposite of a thing. Is a nothing, or an everything. But in fact it could be something, simply we don’t have a word for it because we don’t have the physical capacity to understand an object, or a thing, that transcends time and space. Because in death we lose the ability to communicate between one being and the being who has left their physical body (but we’re not really sure). This is very typical of the limits of language. You see it across cultures, Ikagai, Chill, Apapachar (Japanese, English, Spanish) not only in their vocabulary but how language shapes the way we see the world because it is shaped by the world around us. For example, a Chicagoan would never say “I went to the snow” it’s like WTF are you talking about? But in SoCal we GO to the snow. Or how the Eskimo have hundreds of different words for snow, to you or to me, the 97 other words for snow you don’t know would be meaningless to you since you have never seen or experienced them. 

So this consciousness, imagine the machines decided to build this simulation in order to experience what life was like. It might beg the question that, well couldn’t we be the OG life that created the machines? I would say no because of the pyramids but maybe? This idea of “experiencing life” runs parallel to the teachings of the Mormon Church, and I assume, most of the rest of Christianity, that we were “given” these physical bodies such that we may have “eternal life” but “consciousness” or our souls, existed before this world and these physical bodies. And there is an existence to come beyond the physical world that we know. ****** My whole argument fails if this assumption is not true ********** 

Oh fuck, in writing this I realize that maybe I’m just connecting the 18 years of Mormon brainwash to my therapy and to my acid trip? fuck.

 My Mormonism and my yoga intersect on a daily basis, every time I go to yoga it’s like I just went to mass. Today I even cried in yoga like sometimes i do at church. In yoga, we always end my hyper-commercialized Core Power Yoga class with a Namaste, holding your hands, palms facing each other, from your third eye center, the space between your eyebrows. The soul's recognition of another soul. “The light in me honors the light in you”

It is here where we swing back to the acid trip. 

I went over to Z’s house around 5PM on a Friday night. I knew we weren’t gonna party or go out ‘cause we’re all broke. We drove over to the grocery store, grabbed some beers, and as we’re driving home T brings up the idea of having a bonfire tonight. No one checked the weather and we were like fuck yeah let’s invite A J. Someone, not me, made the decision that we would pick up treats for the bonfire. 

I was expecting it to be a big ass bonfire, a bunch of drugs, people, music, alcohol. instead, only 2 people stopped by and quickly left, other than that it was just us four and the birds hanging around. It was the most, most San Diego night ever. The type of night only locals have, and the type of night that makes me feel like I belong here, both on this world and in San Diego. After picking up candy in Point Loma, we were deciding where to do our bonfire, Ocean Beach was a possibility, plenty of action around, people, Friday night, hippie town. But T said he knew a spot on Shelter Island. We drove around for a minute, asking people, trying to consult Google, but we almost gave up because we couldn’t find the pits. Finally, we found four pits, which I believe were actually the only four pits on Shelter Island. There’s a boat ramp 200 yards away. We set up our pit, started building the fire, and ate our treats. It hit Z first and then T. They were off down the beach, dancing to the music we were playing off our Bluetooth, looking at the lights of downtown. Z took me for a walk down the beach wanting a blow job but I just wasn’t there yet. It hardly felt like the molly was hitting me at all. I was sitting there on a stone staring up at the sandhill beside me as the LSD visuals started waving around at me. I started asking questions, “If we were less smart would the trip affect you different?” Answer: The conversation would be steered in another direction but it would arrive at the same conclusion. I have this beautiful memory of watching Zeo dance and stare at the fire and talk to his friends. I think that’s when I really fell in love with him.

Earlier or now, I don’t remember when or how I decided to pose the acid a question. Setting an intention was easy and natural. How can I find peace? I had done a yoga class that morning where my teacher mentioned Santosha, and described it as “contentment in suffering, finding peace in the midst of pain.” And I think that I was thinking of this regarding my anxiety, a feeling of not being able to breathe, chest tightness like my heart was about to explode out of my body, which had been flaring up the last two weeks due to my lack of sleep and just January, and life stress. 

I was sitting there at the bonfire thinking about how peaceful this moment was. The bay next to us, waves lapping up on shore, the birds squawking occasionally nearby, the boats rocking away 30 feet from shore. The cops hung out with us a few hours. They stayed in the parking lot, maybe 20 yards away. I only ever caught glimpses of their flashers, whenever we pulled out a beer or the bong, thinking they had left. We had talked about the rumor that circulated about not using pallets. The rumor is that when you use pallets for the bonfire, the nails explode. But in the discussion, it turned out that the exploding pallettes rule is only a rumor, to stop the use of nails so that when children or dogs, or homeless people are digging through the sand, they don’t impale themselves. As removing the nails from the ashes is an expensive task, and the city no longer pays for maintaining the pits. (Reminds me, I need to buy a metal magnet so this can be my community service project). It was one of those moments where everything was at peace because we were being respectful, the cops weren’t giving us shit, we were tripping balls but people tripping balls aren't belligerent assholes. Usually, the type of people that trip (hippies) tend to already be a bit more conscientious. The conversation swung back to a souls recognition of another soul. The realization one has when tripping, that everything is, that we’re all connected. And A J is this random person I just met who has a fuck ton of money and works 80 hours a week, and Z is my lover, who has a blue collar job, and T is the one who brought us together, simply because he’s friends with my friend's cousin. It just felt like this is where I was supposed to be and with these people. 

I look back on all the things I’ve written on this blog and on my sex blog and it just feels like I’m achieving something. I’m not gaining any financial wealth, but I believe I’ve achieved what I set out to do when I graduated from college, “Poursuit”. Chase. Search. 

I think what I’ve learned so far and what’s taken me 29 years on this earth to figure out is just do whatever the fuck I want and enjoy it. Enjoy all of it and enjoy the little bits of it. I remember as I was tripping wanting to feel like that all the time, dislocated from time or space, there’s no tomorrow and there was no yesterday, just today. And it’s always hard to come back from that. The post-trip blues are real, the comedown, is rough, making your way back into the real world, to get swallowed up whole by the distractions and chatter of daily life, of the woes of routine, and the rat race. When all we’ve come here to do is live, and experience, and feel pain and feel love, and feel a loss, but mostly to suffer. Whether its the machines or the Gods that made us and this world, it seems like it was important for them or for us if we chose to come here, to suffer. But why?

As I’m laying in Shavasana in my yoga class this morning, class is ending and I’ve started going back to yoga daily because I’m depressed again. Nothing out of the ordinary, I’ve gotten good at being depressed, I’ve made it this far, I just have to remember not to quit my jobs! The LSD maybe dropped me back down to earth after my latest upswing. I’m crying but I’m also so sweaty that absolutely no one can tell so I’m just trying to keep silent. I’m crying because it feels like everything in my life was meant to be. Like this is the path I chose because I wanted it, I wanted to be free and crazy and sexual and I wanted to travel, and I wanted to see “what it was like to be a regular person (working class)”. It’s like I’m legitimately a new soul, eager to experience everything about life. Whether it’s learning to scuba dive, hitch-hike, never work, work from home, it’s like I needed to try it all. But that was that time. Now it’s time to turn inward. Now it’s time to find a way for me to give of myself to this world. Like, as the drinking got progressively worse, it was meant to lead me back home, to a place where I would convince my dad to pay for a black tag yoga membership. To a place where I finally found a psychiatrist to explain my anguish. 

There have probably been bipolar people for all of humanities history. Maybe we were the ones to discover pot! (70% of bipolars use marijuana, most first use it at a very young age) Maybe our anguished existence was necessary to propel humanity forward by all the amazing connections we make?! I'm being sarcastic but also seriously believe all of this. Just in trying to understand why I’m like this. (Also to go off on a tangent, I think bipolar people and stoners evolved together. Ever since I was a child, I’ve attracted stoners to me like Anne Child attracts the crazies. Every guy I date is progressively more stoner, and it’s my favorite medication, my doctor says if it works, I should keep using it. It’s these sort of little things that make me feel like This is the Right Place. 

Today i made myself go to my volunteer group. I have a new favorite kid, this guy can only talk about trash, and he gets points for talking about anything but trash. Last week my favorite kid only asks about what the weather is going to be. She’s always worried it might be too hot or too cold to ride. I completely understand them. I know the anguish! And it makes me recognize again, that we’re all here to suffer or to face different challenges. Mormons always taught me that we’re never given a challenge we cannot overcome.

“Santosha or contentment means keeping a positive attitude in difficult times. We can choose to wallow in darkness and difficulty, or we can rise above our challenges and see them as opportunities for transformation and the discovery of immense and lasting joy. The more we choose contentment, the more we are able to grow. Here is inspiration to help us walk more cheerfully through life’s valleys as well as its peaks.”

As we begin to pack up our bonfire, I start to realize that I’m bipolar and it’s sprinkling. Since August, I would see things about me that “could be” bipolar, but at that moment I was like holy shit I’m having a manic episode. I saw it for the first time, maybe because the LSD made me come out of myself for a minute. I wasn’t being manic in that moment, I hadn’t made the decision to come out here, I hadn't gone out looking for drugs, but I hadn’t slept in weeks, I had asked my doctor for medication to sleep and realized that was out of my character, but it was when I was tripping that I saw myself. I saw my patterns. It’s been a blur since then, reading through my therapy book, coming across this mindfulness exercise where they literally have you look at your consciousness. ****** By showing you who you are, patients often have a feeling of “dying” because in a sense you are. Our language and our existence are based on the Ego. The self. The individual, establishing who you are, your boundaries, is necessary to feel satisfied. And when the ego dies, when you realize you are boundless because consciousness transcends time and space, we are all one, you and me are the same, you can accept death or suffering (how LSD and shrooms are used to treat end of life patients in accepting their end) but in the moment of this death, when I realized I wasn’t who I thought I was, it was pretty sad and I cried for a long time. I cried because I thought I’ll never travel again. I thought I’ll never do anything without questioning whether it's me or my crazy talking. I cried because of how mean I was to my sister. I cried thinking about how sad I’ve been for so many years. Like I cried for myself, I felt bad for myself. And I cried for all the people that I’ve met on the road, all the hippies, and all the bonfires, and all the stories about tripping. I guess I just connected all of it like maybe they're bipolar like me. That’s why they’re out there. I cried for us. And how fun it’s been but also how it’s been a mask we’ve put on, trying to make sense of the anguish.  

I’ll always remember my Farmer Mykal telling me I wasn’t “that lost” like the other people in Garberville. And I said to him then, like I feel now, But I am lost. And I think that’s the part that makes me cry. 

The day after the acid trip I was reading my therapy book and they talk about this ego death, which I'm reading and I'm like, yeah I know I just did acid, and then they talk about the guy who cries because he feels like he’s dying once he disassociates with his ego, they call it defusing from self-conceptualizations. 

“If I am not my thoughts, then who am I”, It was as if he were dying. And in a sense, he was. 

I think this is what the 5-hour acid trip cry was for me. I needed to let go of the old me. I’m so proud of everything I’ve done, and achieved and learned. I know I want to teach and work outside, helping people, teaching people to help themselves. I’ve traveled, I’ve fucked, I’ve been poor, I’ve been rich (for a month in Mexico once). I think I’ve gathered plenty of material and I should write a book. But now that the universe has brought me here, back to San Diego, I think it’s time for me to learn to live in the moment. The thing old souls know how to do far better than me. Just live, chill, let it in, relax.  

*****

[animalexpert]

Wlrs; X

     One of my biggest gripes with this whole situation I’ve worked myself into is that it’s so hard to talk about it to people, and with who? These are serious feelings I’m dealing with, and I know they’re hurtful as well, like I could go on Omegle or something and talk to strangers about it like I used to do, but truthfully I don’t think I ever got any good advice from there, just someone who would listen without bias. Actually I don’t think I could do that now, I’m pretty sure Omegle is like a pseudo porn site now, not that it wasn’t kinda like that before but I’m rather certain the company embraces it now. I have a little dream these past few months, I was thinking one day about the impact I’ll have on this world, and as you get a little older you come realize that you likely won’t be able to make the huge ground breaking mark on this world that some people have made. Don’t get me wrong I know I have plenty of capability and I was blessed with a complex brain, but my legacy will be nothing like that of Newton’s, Galileo's, or even someone like Elon Musk, if things keep going prosperously for him I could see his name being in history books.       I don’t think I’d care for recognition like that. My dream is more simple, I want to bring beauty to the world around me, I want to plant flowers. While distraught about my life and impact, I thought of the line “Plant flowers everywhere you go, and beauty will find a way to follow you.” And it might be cheesy, it may somehow already exist, but it made me think. Whenever I travel around the country, I’m always in awe of how beautiful all the sides of the roads are in different states. When I drove to Wisconsin, the variety of wild flowers lining up each and every highway left me stunned, no one planted these? This is just how it is? Why doesn’t my state have a mass of wild flowers everywhere I go. When I drove through Georgia recently and the separating grass of the highway was full brim to brim with a bright orange daisy style flower, all unmowed, just left to grow, I wondered if maybe our highways WOULD grow flowers if they weren’t so readily cut by the state? Idk. But if I was so perceptive of their beauty, others had to be as well? I wanted to plant more, I wanted to go to every state and plant flowers as I go, native flowers that will set in and come back year after year. Wild flowers that will die as soon as the chill comes, hell I wouldn’t even be against planting some bulbs and setting up random gardens across the country. But I know I want to leave this place. I don’t like it that much here, not just because of flowers, although I’m seeing that other states are way better for them, but because people are just, in too much of a rush around here. I feel like they’re even more lost than I am, but in a different direction. I’m lost trying to figure out meaning and what my own personal happiness is, I think they’re lost in a capitalistic race for pride and recognition, and I feel often times they lose themselves entirely to it.             I don’t want to get lost in that, I’m already likely a third of the way through my life unless I stay healthy, maybe even about half way through if some major health issue comes up in my life. To waste that time not having the life that brings me the blessings and joy I want, that’s so unfair to myself, and I don’t really believe in fairness. I think it’s one of the reasons I’m so caught up on her... The joys and feelings and passion she’s been able to bring me, to think about letting those go and not being able to have her friendship again before I pass on from this world.... It makes me question everything. I can do things that I think are healthy for myself, but when I see myself bringing someone on a journey like the one I talked about, it would be her. When I imagine myself waking up making a little breakfast by the fire before I went onto a day of bringing beauty and life to this world, she’s the person I imagine yawning, stretching her arms up and smacking her lips a couple times as she asks me what we’re eating. I still see her so vividly, I wonder if I will ever stop seeing her in my dreams.      I want just drop things and go, I want to go to Oregon and down to the corner tip of Nevada, stop at Niagara, the grand canyon, the geysers of Wyoming, where the rocky mountains take up half of Montana, to the forests where the trees have been here longer than my Norwegian ancestors. And I want to bring a trunk full of seeds, bulbs, bonemeal and shovels. Every place I see that would benefit from me planting there, whether the dirt needed roots to stop erosion, the view needs some color, or the air could use just a lil bump of oxygen production. I’ll plant there. And I’ve also ALWAYS wanted to cruise down a very long smooth scenic road in the middle of gorgeous Buttfuck, NW with a blunt chiefing and my best friend right beside me. Damn I can’t wait until I have a dream for seeing the whole world because I actually love thinking about this flower journey, can you get to Alaska without a passport driving I’m pretty sure it’s blocked off by Canada. I would have to get specific flowers for planting up in Alaska also though. I want to get a passport anyway actually.    

    You know it’s a little daunting to know whenever I’m busy into my life and things are going smoothly I can easily avoid thinking about this stuff cause I’m so focused, but whenever I have time to myself, or lots of silence to think, or any good thinking time really, it shoots into my conscious, filling me with questions. What if it’s always like that, what if whenever I give me the time to reflect on myself and being I’ll hold onto this, I could see myself down a lot of different paths but regretful mid aged dude is not one of them for fucking real. I’m not alright right now, I don’t know how I keep telling myself I am or will be. Change coming is a scary feeling but it’s exciting lol, I’m like bubbling a little in my chair, nervously lmao... Love being able to smile at journal you’re writing though.      Back to the people being way more rushed and generally testy around the DMV area as compared to other parts of the country. I wonder how people in the rest of the world really are, like I know that some countries seem pretty bad but I feel like a lot of countries have a better general sense of happiness and well being because they aren’t under the strict stress of intense capitalism. My friend Allan who I’ve been gaming a lot with recently is from a country named the Faroe Islands, between the Uk and Denmark. I asked him about life there and he said that the economy is based heavily off fish and they have so much water to themselves that they don’t have to worry about a lack of fish. So from like age 17-18 they are making the equivalent of $1200 a week from fishing, and can pick and choose which weeks and months they go off fishing and stay home. And can live easily off this, IF they want to. Because fishing is such a wide spread job there, the demand for workers of almost all other types is available, so if you want to get into anything you very likely can. And just thinking about that I can see how people are just SO much more happy there, that’s like such soft sweet capitalism lol. Sounds so nice, and to go to tertiary school is FREE, can you fuckin imagine just being able to actually learn about something without paying as much as you make an hour working to learn an hour????? The Faroe Islands sound fuckin awesome. Now he’s obviously just a guy a little younger than me with his view on it, there may be more workings to it that I’m unaware of. I’m sure taxes are pretty damn high but such accessible wages would allow for it. Still promotes such a more positive, not rushed, no time to enjoy your youth environment like we have here. I think I wanna visit there lol, because he sent me pictures as well and it’s seriously one of the prettiest coasts I’ve ever seen, Maine had nothing on it, maybe Oregon/Alaska coasts could trump it in this country but I haven’t seen them, definitely will though :).       It’s quite a contrast how I’ve been pondering the fact I don’t want to have such easily avoidable regrets when I’m aging and dying, yet I so manically feel as though I want to kill myself and end this misery young. God life is weird. Puppet has been getting to me recently even more than it did the first listen, just want to talk, to knock, take the hour drive, walk into the night and talk. Nick was playing AWSF? last night in the car while we were going to get my car from the Aldi lot, I don’t even listen to that song because I know how it’s going to make me feel, have you ever hidden from an album because it makes you feel THAT much??? Wild to me, but v cool how powerful music can truly be. Even the interlude taps at my brain. Damn I’ve been writing for like an hour and a half, maybe I should transfer back to letter form depending on how I’m feeling, it is quicker and there’s something about hand written shit I just love. I should get stationary lol. I also just feel bad writing letters now SIGH fuck all this though.

#me fuckin feels m8

[topicprinter]

Hey guys, my name's Rob and I thought I'd share my experience as an entrepreneur starting an online coupon site DealsXtra and an email sourcing tool Contactout. Lately, I've been musing on trying to find a greater sense of purpose, so please take the time to read the article below and let me know what you think​I went to one of those personal development cults seminars once, and I asked a barrage of questions:What is the purpose of life? What should I do with my life?“Shut the fuck up”, the seminar leader said“You already know all the answers inside. You’re just asking me for permission to do what you already know is right. You’re looking for validation. Stop. You don’t need anyone’s permission. When you get an internal sense of what’s right, just go do it. Act, and then see what happens. Adjust your actions depending on the results that you get.When you come across a problem, think for yourself how to solve it, trust in your own judgement. See the world with your own fresh pair of eyes and make your own conclusions from first hand experience. Don’t just listen to everything that other people tell you. Always question and think critically; other people are no smarter than you are. Listen to others, but think for yourself.”FOLLOW YOUR HEARTThe best advice I’ve ever gotten in my life is to follow my heart. I think of it like, there’s a guiding compass inside of me, that always knows which direction to go. An inner voice that knows what’s right. I just need to tune into it and trust it.For example, right after university, I worked in investment banking and hated my life. I hated the lack of freedom, the repetitive tasks, the ass kissing. I knew I wanted to work on my own business. An online business that would let me travel and explore the world. But I didn’t trust myself. I’ve studied so hard to land this job. All my friends where in corporate. How could it possibly be the right move to leave when everyone else was happily working? Wasn’t I living the corporate dream? I kept looking to other people for career advice, when I already knew. It took me 6 months to find the courage. I decided to start my own business – it was the best decision of my life.Elon Musk also follows his heart. He calls it: “thinking from first principles”. When asked how he came up with the ideas for Tesla, SpaceX and Paypal, Elon looked inside. He asked himself what are the biggest problems that humanity is currently facing? And thought about solutions to those problems. Meanwhile, most people are caught up with the crowd, trying to ride market trends. Let’s do cryptocurrency for dogs!SOCIAL CONDITIONINGThere are all these people telling us how we should live our lives. Social conditioning is fucking with us everywhere. Work is telling us that climbing the corporate ladder means success in life. Fashion trends are defining what beautiful is. Our social group is making us conform and act in a socially acceptable way.Man, I see in Fight Club the strongest and smartest men who’ve ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see it squandered. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables – slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don’t need. We’re the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our great war is a spiritual war. Our great depression is our lives. We’ve all been raised by television to believe that one day we’d all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars, but we won’t. We’re slowly learning that fact. And we’re very, very pissed off. – Fight ClubHumans are tribal creatures; we’re wired to go with the crowd. But just because everyone else believes in something, it does not mean that it’s right. In the past, everyone believed that the earth was flat. We look back and think that’s ridiculous. Now imagine that you’re in the future looking back. Could it be that there are heaps of popular beliefs we hold today that our future selves would think are ridiculous?We forget to listen to ourselves. Our default state is to listen to others. We spend our lives trying to live up to other people’s expectations. But most people have never sat down and really thought about what they want to do with their lives. And it’s important that we think about it because we only have one life. We only have a limited time on this planet. One day we will be dead.You’re time is limited so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. – Steve JobsThe challenge for our generation is creating a world where everyone has a sense of purpose. Purpose is that sense that we are part of something bigger than ourselves, that we are needed, that we have something better ahead to work for. Purpose is what creates true happiness. – Mark ZuckerbergSOCIAL CONDITIONING VS FOLLOWING OUR HEARTSDo we listen to social conditioning? Or do we follow our hearts? The book “The Fountainhead” explores this question. The story goes like this:Once upon a time there were two architects who went to university together – Peter and Howard. Peter was super social; he became the head of the architecture society. He networked his way into a really prestigious firm after he graduated. Worked incredibly hard, sucked up to all the right people and eventually became a director of the firm. Made tonnes of money and retired a rich man. Towards the end of his days, though, he looked back on all the buildings that he designed and thought to himself: “All these buildings are ugly, I don’t like a single one of them. Every building I designed was driven by what the client wanted, or what my firm wanted.” He felt like his vision of the perfect building was still trapped inside him, and that nothing he achieved in life meant anything.Meanwhile the other architect, Howard, just didn’t give a fuck. He hated the Victorian design classes at university because it was unnecessarily ornate. Howard wanted to do minimalist post modern design. He ended up dropping out of university and going to intern with an architect who he had a lot of respect for. However, the architect wasn’t getting much business because his designs were so radical. Later on, Howard started his own firm. But he would only take on clients if the client gave him complete freedom to design the building however he wanted. His clients would have no say in the design at all. Howard didn’t have many clients and only built a few buildings in his career. However, he felt that every building that he built was a representation of his truest vision of art. The pylons of the building were like Howard’s bones, the windows and wooden finishings were his skin and flesh, each building was a temple to his soul.Would you rather be Howard? Or would you rather be Peter?How has social conditioning influenced how you live?Write down 10 of your core beliefs.Which of your beliefs did you consciously decide upon, and how many have been dictated by society?Which of your beliefs are helping you and which beliefs are holding you?Are you living the life you want to live, or the life society wants you to live?How do YOU want to live your life?LOVE WHAT YOU DOYour work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven’t found it yet, keep looking. Don’t settle. As with all matters of the heart, you’ll know when you find it. And, like any great relationship, it just gets better and better as the years roll on. So keep looking until you find it. Don’t settle. – Steve JobsWHY BIGGER GOALS ARE BETTERMost people set small goals in life. We don’t set ourselves big goals because we’ll fail. But big goals are actually easier to achieve than small goals. People are inspired by big goals and will go out of their way to help you. Investors will give you money. Big goals create movements and bring together teams. Small goals may be easier to accomplish, but not as many people will help you do it. Also there’s much less competition with big goals. How many of your friends are trying to cure cancer or solve cold fusion? How many friends work in accounting? Sure curing cancer is a million times harder than working in accounting, but there’s a million times more people that your competing against if you choose accounting.When I started my coupon site 7 years ago, I just wanted to earn enough money to support myself and travel. This wasn’t going to become a big business, so I had trouble attracting investors. When I pitched at startup conferences, investors would be like, “cool story bro, needs more dragons.” I had no money, and my goal wasn’t very inspiring, so I had trouble hiring great people. I ended up spending 4 years figuring out marketing by myself and building the business to a level where it supports my lifestyle – yay, go me.Meanwhile, Tim Kently-Klay managed to build Zoox into a 1.5 billion dollar business in the same time frame. Right… So wtf am I doing with my life? Here’s how Tim did it. One day Tim woke up and was like, “I want to build fully autonomous self driving cars”. No, not some half-arsed version like Tesla. Tim explains that by completely removing the steering wheel, driver’s seat and components needed for human driving, you can make a much more efficient self driving robot. A fully autonomous Uber – that was the dream. A slight problem was that Tim knew fuck all about self driving cars. But Tim was a hella smart guy who had started a successful graphics design company in the past, so he set about reading everything he could on self driving cars. After a year of intense study, he drew out some blueprints for his self driving car which he displayed at some conferences.His plans were given the honorable title of “Vaporware Horseshit” by critics. However, Tim hustled on and met Niki the venture capitalist who gave him a million dollars.Tim took that million dollars and went to the self driving car team at Apple. He said to them, “hey so you know… you guys are all screwed because Apple is shutting down their self driving car project. So come join me and we shall conquer the world.” And the self-driving car team is like, sure, seems legit, why not? Then Tim went to Lord Draper, the greatest venture capitalist of them all, and was like, “Hey I am building a self driving car and have the best team in the world to do it, you should give me 30 million dollars.” Draper thought for a while and then he’s like, sure why not? Tim took that money and convinced more people to join his jihad. Then he goes and raises 250m at a $1.5bn valuation. Tim does all this in 4 years.I set a small goal; build a coupon site. In 4 years I accomplished it. Tim set a big goal; make fully autonomous self driving cars. And in 4 years he has built a $1.5bn company.What would you rather be doing?If you could achieve anything, what would you be working on?WHAT ABOUT MONEY?When I was in college choosing my career, all I cared about was: how much money could I make? So I chose investment banking. And I quit after 6 months. But anyway. Most of my peer group chose their careers because of money. It wasn’t always like this. Back in the 60s, we had just landed on the moon. Einstein and Edison were the celebrities of the day. People wanted to be inventors, explorers and scientists – to work on things that would push forward the envelope of human progress. Nowadays people want money – financial security. What happened to changing the world? Most people are not working on meaningful problems. Millions are dying in Africa. Our best and brightest proceed to go work in finance or tech or whatever industry is the most cashed up.If you say that getting the money is the most important thing, you’ll spend your life completely wasting your time. You’ll be doing things you don’t like doing in order to go on living, that is to go on doing thing you don’t like doing, which is stupid. – Alan WattsBeing the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me. Going to be at night saying we’ve done something wonderful that’s what matters to me. – Steve JobsHere’s the thing: solving the world’s biggest problems is the best way to make money. This makes sense from an economics perspective. If you create the most value then the market will reward you with the most money. But wait, how the hell would working to solve poverty in Africa make more money than being an investment banker? Banking appears to be a steadier path to making more money – if we view things from a short term perspective. But what about in 10 years, 20 years and more?Most people overestimate what they can do in one year and underestimate what they can do in ten years– Bill GatesLet’s say you start a social enterprise in Africa. In your first year you make nothing and your banker friend makes $150k. In 10 years, your social enterprise does well enough for you to live comfortably. Meanwhile your friend is making $2m as a director. You wonder if you made the wrong choice. But in 20 years, Africa grows rapidly, income levels rise 20x to western levels. Business is booming because your customers can afford to pay you western prices. Everyone now wants to invest in Africa. Multinationals are in a bidding war to buy your company. The land that you brought for ten thousand dollars per hectare is now worth a one million dollars per hectare. You are now worth over $100m. Meanwhile the world realizes investment bankers are basically glorified real estate agents – annoying and unnecessary. Bankers and real estate agents get replaced by a super efficient AI marketplace and your friend is made redundant.BUT IT’S RISKYSure, chasing big goals is risky. People say that 9 out of 10 new ventures fail. Well, what if you tried 30 times? It’ll take about 4 months to see if a venture will work out, so you can try 3 new ventures a year. If you work on it for 10 years, you’ve tried 30 different ventures and you’re basically guaranteed success.How I got over risk of starting my own business was, I said to myself: even if I tried for the rest of my life and I died trying, would I be happy? Yes, because I enjoy the process of trying to change the world, building a business, and working on something I find meaningful. I can’t control if I will succeed or not. What matters is that I tried.It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat. – Franklin D RooseveltImagine at the end of your life, you realized that you never gave your dream a try. You just let it slip past. How would you feel?When I was 17, I read a quote that went something like, “If you live each day as if it were your last, someday you’ll most certainly be right.” It made an impression on me… and since then, for the past 33 years I have looked in the mirror every morning and asked myself, “If today were the last day of my life, would I want to do what I’m about to do today.”And whenever the answer has been, “no” for too many days in a row, I know I need to change something. Remembering that I’ll be dead soon is the most important tool I’ve ever encountered to help me make the big choices in life.Because almost everything: all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure… these things just fall away in the face of death… leaving only what is truly important.Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart. – Steve JobsLIMITING BELIEFSPeople have all these limiting beliefs about why they can’t achieve their dreams. Like, I am not smart enough, I have a family to support, I am too old, I have a very needy cat.All these bullshit excuses. How do you know you can’t do something until you’ve tried? You don’t know. It’s much more useful to believe you can do anything, because then you’ll try. If you don’t try you fail by default.Those who are crazy enough to think they can change the world usually do– Steve JobsPeople seriously underestimate how far willpower can take you. It doesn’t matter where you come from or what your circumstances are. Got a family to support? Keep your day job and work on your dreams at night. Not smart enough? Spend twice as long studying. Too old? KFC was built by a 70 year old. You are not a victim of your circumstances.What are some things you want to achieve but feel like you can’t?YOU CAN DO ANYTHING YOU SET YOUR MIND TO MANIf there’s one story that demonstrates how far willpower will take you despite the hand you’ve been dealt, it’s that of Barrack Obama. No not the president, but his father Barrack Obama Sr.Obama Sr grew up in one of the poorest families in the world in Sub-Saharan Africa, but his son went on to become the most powerful man in the world. How did this happen?Obama Sr grew up in a Kenyan village. School was a little shanty hut where all the village children were packed into one class. Education sucked, but Obama Sr showed some spark. He had one thing going for him: he was able to learn English since grandfather Obama was a cook in a white household. One day, some aid workers came to visit their village. Teenage Obama Sr was like, “damn those aid workers looking fine, I think I’ll go chat them up.” The aid workers were impressed by Obama Sr’s drive and encouraged him to apply to the University of Hawaii’s African scholarship program. Barrack Sr studied intensely and with the tutorship of the aid workers managed to get the scholarship. At the University of Hawaii Obama Sr met Ann Dunham who would become Obama Jr’s mother. When he wasn’t chasing skirts, he managed to top his class and get a full scholarship into Harvard Law School. Willpower can get you from growing up in sub-Saharan Africa to going to Harvard Law School, to your son becoming the president of the United States.Now you may be thinking Obama Sr is smarter and more driven than I’ll ever be. He has better genetics. Just because he has achieved greatness doesn’t mean that I can. But are successful people really smarter than us? So I was in Silicon Valley last year doing a program called 500startups where I got to meet tech billionaires and industry leaders. It was surprisingly underwhelming… The advice these billionaires gave was mostly self indulgent, generic and useless details. “so I cooked lunch for my team everyday, and everyone loved my cooking”. “Ohh marketing, we didn’t do any marketing, the product just grew by itself”. The best advice I got was actually from other startup founders who were still hustling to make it. Then it struck me. These billionaires are not better than the rest of us. They’ve just worked hard and on the right things. But they’re fallible humans. We are all cut from the same cloth. I can do whatever they can do.Malcolm Gladwell writes about the 10,000 hour rule: how a master in any field has practiced for at least 10,000 hours. If we put in that amount of hours, we can master anything. Take Laszlo Polgar, a Hungarian psychologist who, after studying hundreds of great intellectuals, identified a common theme – early and intensive practice. He hypothesized that with intense practice, he could turn his three daughters into prodigies. He chose chess as the perfect activity to train his children in, because it was creative and analytical and had objectively measurable results. Two of his daughters went on to become grand-masters. No women had ever achieved the title of grand-master before. All three daughters ranked in the top 6 in the world for chess.Sure, we’re born with certain physical characteristics or elements of our personality that are hard to change. But the moment that we accept ourselves, take the wheel and start steering, that’s when things start happening. Take Lebron James vs Steph Curry. Lebron has the perfect genetic build for a basketball player. Steph doesn’t. He doesn’t have the height, he doesn’t have the bulk. But he doesn’t give a shit. He proceeds to practice the hell out of his shot. And with that, he has achieved a level of success to rival Lebron. You may not be able to change some part of yourself, but you can develop other parts and be just as effective.Cool, so I believe I can do anything I set my mind to. But…HOW DO I FIGURE OUT WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE?To discover your “why”, ask yourself these questions. Find the common denominators in the answers and you’ll have your first lead to explore in finding your why. The commonalities in your answers may point you towards your purpose, and give you some directions to explore.What do you think is biggest problem in the world right now?If money and time weren’t limiting factors, what would you allow yourself to dream of doing?What makes you feel angry, or rise up at the injustice you see?What gets your emotions going? what brings tears to your eyes?What makes you happy?– Daniel Flynn, founder Thankyou WaterREADRead. Do a shit tonne of reading, and then read some more. There are world leaders and billionaires who have spent years distilling the best of their life’s wisdom and principles of success into books. Books that we can access instantly for $10 on Amazon. It’s the digital age. We are the first generation to have the entire trove of human knowledge available on demand in our pockets.Yet most of us don’t read. What the fuck? Instead we spend our time watching TV. What did Kim K name her kid? Did North Korea fire another rocket? What happens next on Game of Thrones? All this bullshit that we don’t need to know about. Our newest drug addiction is social media. It gives us a hit of validation, a new like, another viral video. But there’s no substance, no meaning. The short term hit leaves us shallow inside and longing for another, and another. Popular media is fucking up our brains. It’s the information age buffet. Because we’re fat fucks from the first world, we say, give me all the junk food, broccoli can fuck off. We need to treat the information we consume like food and watch we’re putting into our bodies.LISTEN TO AUDIO-BOOKSThe best life hack that anyone has ever told me is to listen to audio-books at 2x speed. You can listen to audio-books whilst you’re at the gym, or driving, or any other mindless task. This way, it’s easy to find 2-3 hours everyday, and if you do, you can finish 2 books every week, and 100 books a year. 100 books will put you miles ahead. Most people don’t even finish 100 books in their lifetime. I started audio-books 3 years ago, and I’ve learnt more in 3 years than I have in the rest of my life combined. School didn’t teach me useful skills, books did. Books written by people who have done it before. You can get most popular titles on Amazon’s Audible book store. Make sure you select the USA Audible store as this has the widest selection.WHAT SHOULD I READ?Check the New York Times best sellers list. Ask mentors what their favorite books are. Google for book recommendations by Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg or other people you respect.Here’s a list of my favorite books:The Power of Now by Eckhart TolleThe Fountainhead by Ayn RandSelf Compassion by Kirstin NeffThe Four Agreements by Don Miguel RuizThe Singularity is Near by Ray KurtzweilCrucial Conversations by Kerry PattersonThe Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck by Mark Manson100 book recommendations FIND MENTORSAfter reading and researching what I wanted to do. I got in touch with people who’ve done it before. No matter what you’re trying to achieve, there are 7 billion people in the world and there are people out there who have done similar things to what you’re attempting to do. Find these people on Linkedin and ask for their mentorship. Ask people who are not your direct competitors, people in a different geography or who have moved onto something else. You’d be surprised at how many people respond. I got around a 30% response rate. Here’s an email that I sent.Hi John,I am Rob, an Australian tech entrepreneur linkedin.com/in/robliu. We’re building contactout.com a recruitment tool similar to Connectifier but targeting the Australian and UK markets.I would greatly appreciate your mentorship and advice on growth and how to do sales for recruitment tools, and any insights you’ve gained from your experience at Connectifier.Would you be free for a brief chat on Skype? Happy to send you $500 for your time.Kind Regards, Rob LiuJohn was previously VP Marketing at Connectifier, a competitor whose business model I was trying to copy. John came on board as an adviser and helped me add over one million dollars in value to my business. It all started with an email.When emailing, bribe people. Offer them $500 to talk to you. This makes it look like you’re serious about your request and respectful of their time. Most mentors are rich already and won’t accept your money. For people who do accept your money, don’t bother talking with them. Because if they need $500, then they’re probably not very successful, and would make a shitty mentor.After reading, researching, finding mentors, you’ll still have to figure out a lot of the journey by yourself. You’re aiming to do something great and that involves blazing a path into the unknown. It’s like playing soccer. You can read all about soccer tactics, you can practice dribbling, practice kicking. But if you want to get good at soccer, you need to get out onto the field and play the game. Think for yourself, follow your heart, and take action.You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something – your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well worn path; and that will make all the difference. – Steve JobsYOU ARE ON THIS EARTH FOR A REASON.We’re here to put a dent in the universe. Otherwise why else even be here?– Steve Jobs“Are you a born writer? Were you put on earth to be a painter, a scientist, an apostle of peace? In the end the question can only be answered by action.Do it or don’t do it.It may help to think of it this way. If you were meant to cure cancer or write a symphony or crack cold fusion and you don’t do it, you not only hurt yourself, even destroy yourself,. You hurt your children. You hurt me. You hurt the planet.You shame the angels who watch over you and you spite the Almighty, who created you and only you with your unique gifts, for the sole purpose of nudging the human race one millimeter farther along its path back to God.Creative work is not a selfish act or a bid for attention on the part of the actor. It’s a gift to the world and every being in it. Don’t cheat us of your contribution. Give us what you’ve got.”– Steven Pressfield

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

[dine-on-nervine]

lactated Ringer’s solution

1) Sexuality? Straight but not narrow.

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Elon Musk.

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. Since no electricity or batteres are used, it is shockproof, harmless to the smallest child. (Advertisement for a $7.99 pocket radio that supposedly does not require batteries, Feb 1954 Science and Mechanics magazine)

4) What do you think about most? Titties.

5) What does your latest text message from someone else say? ”which”

6) Do you sleep with or without clothes on? Without.

7) What's your strangest talent? Music trivia.

8) Girls.... (finish the sentence); Boys.... (finish the sentence) Girls are considered amazing perfect creatures but trust me, they poop and fart and pee themselves and smell sweaty and have stale breath just like you. Boys are less straight than they want you to think.

9) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Yes! T² wrote “A Fragile Wounded Hawk” and Chad wrote ”I’m Very Breathless.”

10) When is the last time you played the air guitar? Probably last night at work. Cuz that’s what we do.

11) Do you have any strange phobias? I have reasonable phobias.

12) Ever stuck a foreign object up your nose? Every one of them.

13) What's your religion? I say United Methodist but I practice something more animistic.

14) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Walking at the park, getting my head on straight.

15) Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it? Behind, because I am not photogenic.

16) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Simple because it requires no explanation: Depeche Mode.

17) What was the last lie you told? Probably “Glad to see you!” to all but one of my customers.

18) Do you believe in karma? Absolutely. Do not cross it.

19) What does your URL mean? Nervine was a sedative created in 1889 by Dr Miles of Miles Laboratories, one of the original “Mother’s Little Helper” OTC chill-outs, which was produced until 1999 -- but reformulated to remove one ingredient and then was called a sleep aid in the 1950s due to the FDA. “Dine on Nervine” rhymes so...

20) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? My greatest strength is that I believe in others. My greatest weakness is that I don’t do enough to make myself more awesome.

21) Who is your celebrity crush? I won’t claim to have one but I’d really enjoy some private time with spokesmodel Jan Brehm from the local car dealership ads. Before she moved to BMW Northwest, she was the Korum Whorum.

22) Have you ever gone skinny dipping? Many times. That was the thing when I worked at the local fair, after they closed for the day I’d hop in the hot tubs with whomever was available.

23) How do you vent your anger? Used to be driving backroads with loud music.

24) Do you have a collection of anything? I have a collection of everything, and not enough storage space for it.

25) Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online? I don’t video chat, so it’d have to be talking on the phone.

26) Are you happy with the person you've become? This is a work in progress but.. yeah, I’m doing better, thank you.

27) What's a sound you hate; sound you love? Sound I hate is Trump supporters echoing lies; sound I love is when my awesometastic girlfriend tells me I have nice eyes (or anything else).

28) What's your biggest "what if"? I’ve made allusions to it in the past but that blog is gone, so a very swift version: When I was 15 at camp I was in the arms of the girl I wanted to get something going with, and then her rival shoved a note in my back pocket that swayed my attention. What I’d do to go back and ignore the distraction.

29) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Both exist but not in the ways that we like to think of them.

30) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. Right... Epson scanner.  Left... my cereal bowl.

31) Smell the air. What do you smell? A fresh fart competing with a sweet sandalwood incense.

32) What's the worst place you have ever been to? The KeyBank call center in Auburn, WA. Management bitches will cut you.

33) Choose East Coast or West Coast? No question. Left siiide!

34) Most attractive singer of your opposite gender? Cia Berg of Whale or Annette Strean of Venus Hum.

35) To you, what is the meaning of life? To make others happy.

36) Define Art. That which makes you feel something when it enters your brain.

37) Do you believe in luck? I believe that statistics are no match for random good.

38) What's the weather like right now? Raining on and off.

39) What time is it? Nine minutes after eight post-meridian.

40) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? I drive and I have had an accident or two.

41) What was the last book you read? How To Be A Badass by Jen Sincero.

42) Do you like the smell of gasoline?| A little.

43) Do you have any nicknames? I might. Other people call me whatever they call me. Like my high school computer teacher called me Inski, and my ex called me Piss-Ant.

44) What was the last movie you saw? In the theatre, Deadpool. At home as a torrent, Star Wars VII.

45) What's the worst injury you've ever had? Not really sure. Some pratfalls but nothing severe.

46) Have you ever caught a butterfly? Yes.

47) Do you have any obsessions right now? Apple box labels?

48) What's your sexual orientation? You asked this question as the very first item.

49) Ever had a rumor spread about you? Constantly. A few might even be true.

50) Do you believe in magic? Stage magic, yes. White magick, in limited amounts.

51) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Ask my parents, they’ll say yes. Anyone else, I try not to most of the time.

52) What is your astrological sign? Libra.

53) Do you save money or spend it? My goal is to save. But my present budget does not allow this.

54) What's the last thing you purchased? Hotdog at Costco. Before that, two ranuncula.

55) Love or lust? You’re going to have to give me more direction. What are you asking?

56) In a relationship? Yes. :-D <3

57) How many relationships have you had? There have been several.

58) Can you touch your nose with your tongue? Better, what else can I touch with my tongue?

59) Where were you yesterday? Wednesday: stayed in bed until like 9am, did some stuff around the house, went to work, got home before 9pm, eventually went to bed.

60) Is there anything pink within 10 feet of you? The pricetag on a 12x12 frame behind me.

61) Are you wearing socks right now? Not just socks, they’re SmartWool.

62) What's your favorite animal? Kitties!

63) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Mad oral skills.

64) Where is your best friend? I assume that since it’s a Thursday night and his car is in the shop, he’s at home watching movies while ripping vinyl to CD.

65) Spit or swallow? (; “the difference between like and love”... It’s rude to spit.

66) What is your heritage? I don’t claim to have one.

67) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? I think I was still on the computer at the time, but if I wasn’t I was nestled in my bed.

68) What do you think is Satan's last name? Drumpf. But he changed it when he got into the States.

69) Be honest. Ever gotten yourself off? Damn straight, erry day sometimes. And you can be next.

70) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? I definitely try to be. I am kind and generous and knowledgeable and fun.

71) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Wonder why the hell I was in Sunnyside, since if I’m on the opposite side on the Cascades will I be making it across the pass and to work on time?

72) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid? I would tell no one because I like the element of surprise. I’d be liquidating my cool stuff to good homes because I never want to be a victim of Storage Wars, plus I would be throwing all caution to the wind and act hedonistic... “live like you were dying”, literally. Afraid? Petrified. But if I gotta go, sitting at home bawling about it ain’t gonna fix shit, I gots stuff to do.

73) You can only have one of these things; trust or love. Not sure how you get love without trust. Just love me.

74) What's a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Latest one was “Just Can’t Get Enough” by Depeche Mode. That came on the radio and I was all over it.

75) What are the last four digits in your cell phone number? WROQ! \m/   (In high school my phone number was BIT-0-FaRM.)

76) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust, understanding, fidelity, humor, fun, honesty, mutual interests, compassion, and a mutual desire to be happy together in all ways.

77) How can I win your heart? Well, take off that shirt, for starts, and show me your heart.

78) Can insanity bring on more creativity? It definitely drops some artificial barriers. However, periodic mental illness such as bipolar rather than insanity is what brings a lot of creativity.

79) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? To let go of the past and invite in the present. (Thanks, Cara.)

80) What size shoes do you wear? Eleven and a half, roughly, depending upon manufacturer.

81) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Remember this as you pass by As you are now, so once was I As I am now, so you will be Prepare for death and follow me Variants of this were popular for two centuries, with few examples seen before 1750 or after 1950. If I had a headstone, I’d keep people awake.

82) What is your favorite word? Oaf.

83) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word; heart. Myocardial infarction.

84) What is a saying you say a lot? Plumbing, you have a call holding on 1804. Plumbing, 1804.

85) What's the last song you listened to? Eisenfunk - Pong But on the way to finding that song, this one happened too: Suicide Commando - God Is In The Rain 86) Basic question; what's your favorite color/colors? Purple.

87) What is your current desktop picture? The trestle over the Little Naches River at Lake Bergstrom, Yakima WA.

88) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? The guy who is trying to get us blown up by North Korea. You know the one.

89) What would be a question you'd be afraid to tell the truth on? Who the hell are you?

90) One night you wake up because you heard a noise. You turn on the light to find that you are surrounded by MUMMIES. The mummies aren't really doing anything, they're just standing around your bed. What do you do? Well, after assessing that they’re just standing around, I’d be polite since that matters as I get my clothes on, and then bid them farewell after requesting that they move along because I’m not sticking around to chat.

91) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what's even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? Invisibility.

92) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? One comes to mind from when I was 13 that I would do differently, but the other I could speak more freely about is from the moment that hug at camp was requested to twenty minutes later when I was still standing there with her... as said in #28, I’d fix one of my biggest regrets.

93) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? I won’t go into detail, I will just say that there was an experience in 1990 that could have been avoided and should have been learned from... but wasn’t.

94) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? Let’s go with the folks listed in #34.

95) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? To Craigslist to sell it.

96) Do you have any relatives in jail? Not that I am aware.

97) Have you ever thrown up in the car? Not that I am aware. My three sibs were subject to carsickness but not me.

98) Ever been on a plane? Yes, twice; have flown to Tucson and to Las Vegas.

99) If the whole world were listening to you right now, what would you say? Take your country back and impeach.

#100 ?'s

[junker-town]

‘The Bachelorette’ bios are out and all the contestants want you to know they’ve had sex before

Congrats, men!

The three biggest events in a season of The Bachelor or Bachelorette are Draft Day, Opening Day, and the Finals. Or, translated out of Sportspeak and into English: The day the bios of the the idiot-bozo-morons looking for D-list fame love are released, the first episode, and the last episode, when one of the idiot-bozo-morons gets chosen as the future spouse of the person they met ten weeks ago.

Wednesday was Draft Day: Yesterday, the good people over at ABC introduced us to the men vying for the heart of Bachelorette Rachel Lindsey, an accomplished lawyer who loves Prince, Michael Jackson, basketball, and is probably far too good for any of them.

I know this because Rachel was one of the final three contestants from last season, and she’s funny, smart, interesting, beautiful, and way cooler than most of the people who churn through this franchise’s fame-making gears. She was 100% too good for Nick “handsome software salesman” Viall, whose essence was that of a corn muffin that didn’t get baked for quite long enough.

But here we are, and, in an act of selfless service journalism, I read through the bios of the dental hygienists and marketing managers so that you don’t have to. They’re all here for the Right Reasons: a couple hundred thousand new Instagram followers. Sorry, I mean true and everlasting love. Here are 13 takeaways:

1. Of course we have two “Blakes”

Blake K. ...

.... was a marine and Blake E. ...

... is an “aspiring drummer” who says his ex-girlfriend was “crazy.” So right out of the gate I can tell you that Blake E. is the lesser Blake, which is saying something, because they’re both named Blake.

2. Congrats on the sex!

The biggest thing I gleaned from reading the bios of these men — who, though more diverse than past seasons, still manage to look all alike — is that they really want us to know they’ve engaged in sexual intercourse before. Check it out:

One of the Blakes (I can’t remember which, and let’s be honest, it doesn’t matter) said he wants to watch the new 50 Shades of Grey movie because he loves “taboo sexy stuff.” Newsflash, Blake: 50 Shades wasn’t even that sexy. Dakota Johnson and whats-his-name who played Christian Grey had about as much chemistry as a pair of two-by-fours who happen to be in close proximity. I bet Blake is bad at sex.

Bryce says he once caught a girl's hair on fire once while having sex with her, and that he’s like a “fresh drink of water with a jolt of lightning” in the bedroom. MAYDAY, RACHEL: Don’t have sex with Bryce, because you’ll get electrocuted and die.

Dean doesn’t want women to bite him in the bedroom. This seems like a risky thing to say off the bat, because what if Rachel’s into that?

Diggy wants us to know he once went on a trip to Cancun on Spring Break where he participated in a "sexual positions" contest. Sick, dude, nice.

Jebidiah says he once had sex off the continental divide on a glacier in the mountains, which seems like a sneaky way of telling us he’s rich.

Jonathan says he “usually lasts a long time (in a good way.)” I just ... these guys are the worst.

Kyle had an ex who was into “BDSM and introduced me to being a dom. Interesting, but don't like hurting people, so it's weird. Fun with her though.” Stop pretending, Kyle. You loved it.

Mohit says Tabasco is the wildest thing he’s ever done in the bedroom. I don’t know whether he means he put hot sauce in some places hot sauce shouldn’t go, or that he once ate a burrito in bed. I would respect the latter more.

3. Everyone loves the rock and matthew mccoughney and denzel and elon musk

This is the most predictable thing about any season of this goddamn franchise: Dudes love The Rock and Elon Musk. Usually they throw in Mark Cuban, too, but this time the majority went with Denzel or Matthew McConaughey.

4. WTF?

Here’s a list of messed up shit from the bios:

Alex once ate a live salamander.

Diggy was stranded on a toilet for hours in 5th grade. This sounds avoidable. Like, just get up.

Diggy also once spent all day with a girl, had sex with her, then pretended to be asleep when she found out her brother was missing so he wouldn’t have to help her.

FREEZE FRAME, RECORD SCRATCH: WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL!? WHAT KIND OF MONSTER ARE YOU, DIGGY?

Grant says his favorite magazine is Playboy, and he added a “;)”.

Why is Jack Stone’s name Jack Stone? Is he the only one who gets to have a last name? Or is his first name two names, and those names are Jack and Stone? I’m confused.

Jebediah says he likes South Africa because of its “great coffee, tea, wine, fruit, food, beautiful animals and landscapes, amazing people and very real problems like HIV and violence.”

Kenny once gave a woman different Edible Arrangements every day for a week.

Lucas says his least ideal date would be going to a funeral.

Mohit isn’t here for the Right Reasons: He says he wants to be on the show because “everyone tells me I'm made for TV/movies. Doesn't mean I'm out here hoping for that, but I would like to break into writing or acting.”

Calling it now: Mohit is going to be the first person other contestants turn on.

5. Adam deserves a swirlie

Adam says his favorite actor is Jennifer Lawrence “because she is every girl's goal,” which is patently untrue and makes me want to punch a wall. The most romantic gift he ever received was a threesome because it was his birthday.

6. I don’t know what any of these guys’ jobs mean

The contestants’ jobs all sound like ones you’d give yourself on a fake LinkedIn account to convince your parents you actually have a career and aren’t just smoking weed in the basement all day long. Except for Jonathan, who says his job is a Tickle Monster, which is a noble profession.

We have: an Information Systems Supervisor, an Aspiring Drummer, an Education Software Manager, a Startup Recruiter, an Executive Recruiter, a Consulting Firm CEO, and a Whaboom (I don’t think it’s a thing).

Michael was a professional basketball player, but apparently he just played in Bulgaria for a few years. This reminds me of when Jordan Rodgers said he was a pro football player because he got cut from three NFL teams and played for a real in Canada.

Peter is a moron. He says he wants to be professional football player for a day since “it is my favorite sport with an awesome paycheck. They're superstars for playing a sport, a game. It just seems so easy.” NARRATOR: It wasn’t.

7. Everyone loves their mom

This does not mean they’re feminists, but I guarantee some will try to tell you it does.

8. These asshats need to relax

Bryan wants to be Bill Gates just because he's so selfless and charitable.

Bryce feels like handwritten letters “are one of the purest forms of materialized emotion.”

Demario says he’s perfect.

Iggy’s favorite magazine is the Harvard Business Review

Jamey would be someone less fortunate for a day so he could “appreciate his life more.”

Jebediah’s past dogs were all half wolf, so you know he’s tough.

9. Future storylines

Blake E. was engaged for 48 hours, so he’s probably capital D damaged with plenty of trust issues. Blake K hates sharks, so the producers will make him swim with them. Dean doesn’t believe in marriage — thinks it’s an “institutionalized sham” — so that’ll definitely be a point of tension. Demario loves Prince, too, so he and Rachel will go on a Prince-themed date and everything will be purple. This is going to sound callous, but several of these guys have mothers who’ve died, so that’ll be A Thing.

10. There are some weird clothes opinions

Brady likes Lululemon, so I’m going to call him Lululemon Brady for the entire show. One of the guys — I can’t remember who and there’s no way I’m going back through all of the bios to find out — says he used to wear JNCOs.

Here’s a picture of JNCOs:

11. Today, in low-key sexism

Bryan thinks sisters need brothers to protect them.

12. Predictions

Calling it now: Anthony wins. He taught in Indonesia and we know he knows how to read, because he’s says a Haruki Murakami book is his favorite. I also know someone he used to work with, and she says he’s a good guy, so it’s Anthony’s basket into which I’m putting all my eggs.

13. One last thing

One of my coworkers has a theory that being the Bachelorette isn’t about looking for love, it’s about figuring out which of the contestants won’t murder you. And when you look at it that way, the show makes a whole lot more sense.

[ramialkarmi]

How to lose friends and 'exfoliate' people — Trump's son-in-law Jared Kushner is caught between 2 worlds, and his former friends are cutting ties

Signing up to carry out Donald Trump's vision of America has come at a cost to many of the president's closest allies.

Some have found it a constant struggle to balance their reputations and their newfound access to power.

Perhaps no one knows this better than Trump's son-in-law, Jared Kushner. 

Kushner, 36, has been described as the most powerful aide to the president of the United States. He and his wife, Donald Trump's oldest daughter Ivanka, moved to Washington, DC, from New York so Kushner could take an unpaid role as one of Trump's senior advisers. On Monday, Trump appointed Kushner as the head of the new White House Office of American Innovation, whose aim is to overhaul government operations using ideas from the business world.

But so far, Kushner has found himself caught between two worlds, both inside the White House and out. 

Within its walls, he is considered a mediator between warring factions — the "Republican populists" like chief strategist Steve Bannon, and the "Democrats," the more left-leaning members of Trump's inner circle. Kushner is considered one of the "Democrats."

But outside, liberals who knew Kushner before his administration role have grown concerned. They are no longer sure where he stands — for Trump's America or theirs — and the uncertainty has fractured relationships.

Business Insider spoke with a number of people who knew Kushner before and during Trump's campaign, as well as people who are close to him now. Their feelings toward Trump's apparent protégé mirrors the polarization of the country.

Trump, they seem to feel, is a black and white issue: You can be for or against his policies.

But Kushner is an uncomfortable swirl of gray.

"The hope was that with Jared, there at least was someone who was smart and thoughtful and potentially doing the right things behind the scenes," one person who previously worked with Kushner told Business Insider.

But people "hate him right now," they continued. "Not just him as a person so much but what he stands for and the fact that he hasn’t been able to use his position to do anything meaningful for what we stand for."

Another person who attended Kushner's wedding in 2009 agreed former acquaintances are "seething." 

"I’m not planning on being friends," this person said. "I don’t think I’m going to be over it. ... I feel really, really upset about what they're doing. I think it’s so terrible and so disruptive that I can’t get over that. I can’t endorse that."

Kushner has seen enough relationships break that he now has a word for it: "Exfoliation." 

He is shedding dead relationships like skin cells being scrubbed from a body.

And one particularly bad break-up last July may have inspired it. 

A relationship sours

In September 2015, Jared Kushner met startup founder Wiley Cerilli. Kushner approached him about a business he was launching in the hope that Cerilli might agree to run it.

Cerilli declined the offer but told Kushner he wanted to find a way to work with him. He felt Kushner was sharp and had a healthy outlook on life. 

That way would be a food delivery startup Cerilli launched that winter. In January 2016, Kushner invested in his seed round  — the first money a founder raises from outside investors. Sources familiar with the deal say Kushner's investment was a relatively small amount for a venture capitalist, no more than a few hundred thousand dollars.

Over the next few months, the pair didn't talk much. But Cerilli watched as Donald Trump took to the campaign trail and delivered increasingly divisive speeches. He often noticed Kushner photographed by the candidate's side, but he never heard Kushner speak out against what was said.

Cerilli, a life-long liberal, grew increasingly concerned. In June, Trump went on an 11-minute rant about federal judge Gonzalo Curiel, attacking him over his Mexican heritage and saying he could not fairly preside over a case involving Trump University because of Trump's vows to crack down on illegal immigration and build a wall along the Mexican border.

That's when Cerilli, who said he viewed the comments as racist, cracked. 

Cerilli consulted a group of CEOs and investors for advice. They encouraged him to rid himself of his Kushner association, if only because it had become a distraction to his business. Also during that time, Trump had become the Republican presidential nominee.

In late July, Cerilli Kushner scheduled a phone call. Kushner thought he was getting an ordinary business update.

Instead, he was getting dumped. 

'I don't give a shit. Send me the paperwork. I'll sign'

It's not easy to get rid of an investor.

Once early-stage angel investors like Kushner give money to a startup, they own a piece of the company. There are written terms that can make it easier for a founder to divorce a spouse than part with a venture capitalist.

To remove Kushner from his startup financially, Cerilli had to inform his board and other investors of the decision. Then he had to persuade Kushner to sign paperwork that would give away his rights.

Cerilli was nervous to address his concerns with Kushner. He wrote down a script and took notes of Kushner's reaction. Cerilli later sent those notes to his investors so that he could give them an accurate update. Business Insider obtained a copy and confirmed the document's authenticity.

"If you can hear me out for a few minutes," Cerilli said, according to the notes, "then I would be happy to listen to you."

He continued: "A lot has changed in this country since you invested. ... I am personally and now professionally overwhelmed and concerned with the rhetoric and public discourse on a number of fronts with regard to Trump."

Cerilli said that even if Kushner didn't agree with offensive comments Trump had made, he found his silence unacceptable.

"Your involvement is something that is not incredibly clear to me, but what is is your unwillingness to speak out against it," Cerilli said. "This is not a conversation about what he or you believe, or what he and you do and feel behind closed doors. This is about what he says and does publicly, and what is not said and done publicly by you."

This is about what he says and does publicly, and what is not said and done publicly by you.

Cerilli said that while he once felt his and Kushner's values were aligned, that no longer seemed to be the case.

"You seem like a good person. A smart person," he said. "I am not saying that you are a bad person, or that the way you act is wrong. I am saying that I don’t agree with it, and me, [my cofounder], our team, and our investors ... would like to give you your money back."

Kushner listened until Cerilli was finished. He told him the call came as a shock — and that it was "cowardly."

Then, according to Cerilli's notes of the call, Kushner unleashed.

He conveyed that the process of campaigning with Trump had "allowed him to exfoliate" people he once considered friends. "I am seeing which friendships break in the wind," he said, according to the document.

"We live in a world and time that are interesting. There are a lot of issues that need to be discussed," he added.

He told Cerilli he was doing what he thought was right, with "complicated facets," and that he was "navigating it appropriately."

Cerilli's decision to distance himself, Kushner said, was a "childish thing." He questioned Cerilli's character, describing his messaging as "somewhere between incredibly immature and incredibly intolerant." The decision to oust Kushner seemed emotional, not based on facts. He questioned whether Cerilli knew about his actual involvement in Trump's campaign or where he stood on key issues.

"You clearly don’t have the depth to take on a big challenge when something like this bothers you," Kushner said, "and so clearly your team doesn’t either."

After a few minutes, Kushner concluded: "I don't give a shit. Send me the paperwork. I'll sign."

Who is Jared Kushner?

Those who know Kushner say he never intended to go into politics. His heavy involvement, these sources told Business Insider, spiraled from the fact that Trump ran a non-traditional campaign with few experienced advisers, often relying on people close to him like Kushner for guidance.

But now that he's involved, former friends wonder who's changed more: Trump or Kushner?

Kushner and Ivanka have stayed relatively quiet during some of Trump's most controversial moments, which has fed critics' frustration. A recent "Saturday Night Live" skit summed up the sentiment. It was of a spoof ad for a perfume called "Complicit," starring Scarlett Johansson as Ivanka Trump. The tagline?

"The fragrance for the woman who could stop all of this but won't. Also available in a cologne for Jared."

Kushner's allies have two responses to those who fear he's making a Faustian bargain in exchange for power: He isn't the president. And look harder.

A source familiar with Kushner's White House role says he did not go to Washington to focus on some of the more controversial Trump policies, like healthcare or the ban on immigration from several majority-Muslim countries. Instead, he is focused on issues like creating peace in the Middle East. But that doesn't mean Kushner hasn't inserted himself when he feels it's necessary. 

Kushner, this person said, was instrumental in killing an executive order that would have affected the LGBT community. They also say he was the force that pushed the administration to remove Iraq from the second iteration of the travel ban.

Other Trump associates have faced tremendous criticism, too. SpaceX and Tesla founder Elon Musk, who is a member of Trump's economic advisory council, acknowledged on Twitter that the blowback has been difficult to deal with. Travis Kalanick, the CEO of Uber, couldn't take the heat and resigned from Trump's council. 

"Activists should be pushing for more moderates to advise the President, not fewer," Musk tweeted. "How could having only extremists advise him possibly be good?"

But once you've associated yourself with Trump, the only way to win might be to lose.

As one Kushner defender put it: "If you're doing well in politics, only 45% of people hate you."

Join the conversation about this story »

NOW WATCH: Watch Trump's budget director explain proposed cuts for after-school programs that feed children

#Tech Insider #Arab #Entrepreneurship #sillicon alley insider