#and then a couple years later the reviews came out and i was like welp

[sspaz1000]

I posted 2,154 times in 2022

That's 1,630 more posts than 2021!

113 posts created (5%)

2,041 posts reblogged (95%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@ramonaflow

@neverendingnoahreid

@mostlyinthemorning

@saraminia

@weathereyehorizon

I tagged 1,115 of my posts in 2022

Only 48% of my posts had no tags

#shallownicoleisshallow - 162 posts

#noahvember - 78 posts

#nicole is writing - 67 posts

#more for my mfl list - 37 posts

#behind the keyboard - 34 posts

#pallin’ around - 31 posts

#noah reid vs hats - 29 posts

#meet the authors - 29 posts

#schittscreekdrabbleblog - 27 posts

#screadingchallenge - 26 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#and if i listen to his music i’ll just cry because there’s a song that 💯 is how i feel most of the time about life and it’s just like welp

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

How about glancing at each other’s lips? :)

Glancing at each other’s lips

Once the whiskey was consumed, David and Patrick fell back into easy conversation. They don’t know where the night is going to take them, but they are enjoying the moment.

David moves to take his sweater off and Patrick follows.

“Is this OK?” David whispers, not wanting to break the mood.

“Yes, it’s fine.” Patrick, replies, giving a small swallow.

David glances down, first at Patrick’s lips, and then to his neck, and back to his lips. Patrick nods, and then David is kissing him.

Patrick moans into the kiss, and David deepens it. After a couple minutes, they both part for air lips, red and swollen.

They both look down at their lips and give shy smiles to each other.

“I didn’t know it could feel like that.” Patrick sighs.

“Neither did I.” David murmurs. He pulls Patrick into a hug and kisses his forehead. As they both decide what comes off next.

19 notes - Posted July 1, 2022

#4

Suit

This weeks Drabble: Suit. @schittscreekdrabbleblog

Also unbeta’d

“Fine. Suit yourself.” David huffed as Patrick slammed the door to their cottage. David knew it was a dumb argument. They’d been digging at each other all week, and now Patrick had stormed off. 

Patrick knew he was being petty. He could feel the tension building all week long. There was no reason for it except maybe the change in seasons have their moods a little down. He breathes and jogs around the block.

David was pacing the kitchen when the front door opens. He peered into the living room and looked at Patrick. 

“I’m sorry.” they say in unison.

20 notes - Posted September 7, 2022

#3

Drabble: Bargain and Blanket

@schittscreekdrabbleblog word(s) of the week.

Got me some Stevie feels.

The blanket at the base of her bed is well worn. She bought it in a bargain bin at Target before they went out of business. Stevie has used this blanket during all her ups and downs over the past couple years. It comforted her when she and David went from FWB to just friends, there after Aunt Maureen died, there when she realized she owned the motel, the Emir stuff, and when she became a boss lady. As she folds the blanket, she realizes how much she’s changed since the Rose’s came to town. She smiles for the future.

20 notes - Posted October 16, 2022

#2

Wedding

For @schittscreekdrabbleblog this week and the word is wedding. Almost didn’t get this done!

The first holiday season after the engagement, David and Patrick, visited the Brewers. David didn’t know what to expect but the Brewers were extremely welcoming. One night after dinner, Marcy brings out some old photo albums and Patrick cringes. 

“There will be time for some cringing later dear, but first I wanted to show you some of our wedding photos, since you are planning your own.” She smiles at the boys. 

They sit and look through the wedding album, and Patrick as a baby album.  They laughed and enjoyed the stories. 

Later that night, David whispered to Patrick, “Thank you.”

20 notes - Posted November 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Did I actually write this this morning? Say what? I didn’t procrastinate?

@schittscreekdrabbleblog words of the week are Review and Bonus word is deer.

Something was eating the garden and Patrick was going to get to the bottom of this. He went to the store and bought a backyard camera and set it up.

When David got home from work he noticed the camera. “What’s this honey?”

“I’m going to catch whoever is eating my garden.”

David nodded and kissed the top of Patrick’s head.

The next morning Patrick reviewed the footage on his laptop. “Those damn deer!” He muttered.

David walked in, “Those deer are cute!”

“Monsters are what they are.”

“Hmm, Oh ok dear.”

Patrick glares and works on his game plan.

29 notes - Posted October 24, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #I don’t know if I’m proud or ashamed of this #Also I don’t think I ever posted that prompt on Ao3 about glancing in their eyes

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale Reacts: Masters of the Universe: Revelation episode 5

Spoilers below

TL:DR I was not crazy about it and if you did enjoy episode 5 and like the series. I recommend skipping this reaction/review

-So they host a little funeral for Orko. Yep, gotta milk all you can out of the character ya set up to die since his introduction. Well they gave Orko more respect than He-man. Good on Adam for being a decent human being. (I will stop being cynical about this)

-Well Preternia is cool.

-Moss man is the forest.

-Adam had the sword and he is like

-"Welp you are all stuck in heaven now."

-Andra is adorable. (Also side note. I havent really seen Andra and Teela be couple like since episode 2. Like where is the couple stuff? Evil-lyn and Teela have had more dialouge together?)

-Adam and Teela being awkward which understandable.

-And Teela is still salty. At least its fleshed out a bit more. But you would think she would be OVER this by now.

-King of Grayskull? Oh this will be cool.

-Hoverboards in Heaven!

-The tower looks cool.

-Hero is his name?

-Hero is shook by the split the sword.

-Andra making a forge.

-They competitive friends in the hunt!

-Well this is somewhat cute.

-OH S***! KING GRAYSKULL LOOKS EPIC! HE RIDES A TRICERATOPS!

-Adam chose that form? Like he could have taken his He-man form? But chose that one? Okay I am genuinely curious.

-King was the first Castle Grayskull champion. Wow okay. And the guy is now talking smack about the castle.

-I like feral sorcerer lady.

-So they made a heaven forge.

-the last bit of magic!

-Roboto is like "Yea I am not sure at all but I am gonna try." He is going to die too.

-So Teela and Adam moment.

-Adam has a point. He was dead. Not like he was like "Lol i am gonna die and make you feel bad" He was saving the Universe!

-Adam is totally gonna go back because he has unfinished business.

-Adam might not get back to paradise if he goes back.

-Mossman is a million years old. Lol

-Roboto is doing it.

-The forge scene is epic.

-Roboto gonna die.

-He did it though... and it blew up in his face.

-The sword is forged tho.

-But now Roboto is dead. And he made a roboto is afraid to die.

-Wow that is f***Ed up.

-Rip Roboto

-Adam wants to go back. Okay so now we will have Adam/He-man be a more prominent part of the show now. It took some time, but hey at least he is back now.

-Adam he is owning it up to it.

-Adam be a real one.

-What the s*** he almost died right after getting back. Okay so is that the fake out.

-And tech cultists.

-Welp Man-at-arms is here to defend. LOL

-Adam reveals he is back.

-Cringer missed him. (This was cute)

-So now they back to where he died. He about to do what they need to do.

-He be calling back the magic. Now it starting to feel like He-man again

-Sorceress is BACK BABY!

-And Grayskull looks good again.

-And... Adam got F***ING STABBED. Did, did they REALLY JUST KILL HIM TWICE?! I had this feeling like they were saying "You cant come back if you die again" But I thought no There is no way they would be stupid enough to kill him TWICE.

-So Skeletor survived by putting his essence into the staff Evil-lyn had and if she had left it all of this could have been avoided

-Evil lyn is back to being bad. Because Skeletor just came back. So much for all that development Lyn.

-Skeletor just called on the power of GREYSKULL. So can anyone do that?! Does this mean Skeletor can go to Preternia?

-Skeletor's form is... well it is something. I mean its cool. But... I dont really feel like its earned. Like I wish we had some foreshadowing or something. Like he is just like "BTW I was here the whole time just in case." Now if Adam was like pushed aside or like knocked back and Skelator took it so he could show off, that would be more He-Man like. Cause then you get the moral on WHY Adam chose this form in Preternia.

-Also Skeletor getting the power sword SHOULD be a much bigger and much more earned moment. This scene should have been like the penultimate episode before the final battle. Also him Stabbing He-man/Adam would have had way more impact if this was the first time they pulled this.

-But in all seriousness. Did they REALLY JUST KILL ADAM AGAIN!?

-They took all of that development and just... KILLED HIM AGAIN.

-Side note: if ANYONE could use the power, Why not just have he-man pass the torch to Andra or Teela. Because now Adam cant even chill in heaven. He is just a dying little flea who basically got set up to DIE AGAIN. Like the writers clearly do not like Adam.

-How am I suppose to be excited? Lol Skelator is back sure but he just killed He-man. Are they gonna do a fake out death? Have him Die but then get revived by the sorceress? Regardless its in bad fucking taste.

____________________________________________________________

2.5/10

Look, Skeletor's comeback was cool and all (He and the designs of King Greyskull are the reasons this isnt a 1 out of 10). But WOW they really did Adam dirty. I was expecting He-man in a show that is named after half his old show. Even the earlier trailers showed a bunch of him... but he only shows up in flashbacks after episode 1.

If Adam doesnt die, he will likely get heal in the nick of time and and die again later anyway. Considering how predictable the show is I can already predict that they will beat skeletor. Teela's Power that was hinted at in episode 4 will make her the new Sorceress and Andra will be revealed to be a descendant of King Greyskull thus making her the TRUE heir to Castle Greyskull an have her be the new champion or reverse of that where Teela is the new champion and Andra is the sorceress. If Adam does survive he will just be Adam at the end of the series and not He-man because whatever reason about him not actually feeling like He-man was him. But my bet is that they kill him again if he isnt already dead.

Which means that He-man just becomes She-ra. But there is already a She-Ra and it actually has She-Ra in the title. And that She-Ra actually has better writing in it because it actually cares.

Because lets face it this show was not about he-man. It was about Teela.

I know its called Masters of the Universe Revelation. But they should have called it Teela: and Everyone else dies.

But I seriously have to ask. WHO IS THIS FOR?

Its not for die hard He-Man fans because it kills off or changes all the characters they know.

It isnt for new fans because most of them would have no idea who any of these characters are. The show expects you to know them already.

It isnt for Feminists. Teela's characterization is a bad stereotype of written 'strong woman'. I made a comment that it was basically a 'Guy that tried to write a Strong woman character' but it is STUPIDLY ACCURATE at this point.

She-Ra: Princess of Power 2018 already exists and does it better.

If I had to make a bet. It feels like the writers were targeting the demographic that watched He-man and hated it, then writing a Salt fic about the characters after turning one of them into a self insert.

I hate that the writing sucks, because the animation is gorgeous, there are somethings that are really cool. In fact when they show off the ideas from the original He-Man, it looks amazing. Those flashbacks? They are the best parts of each episode.

Now I am no die hard fanboy for he-man. But I did like the 2002 show. I am actually chill with some of the changes made. Not all of them, but some. But I hate lazy and manipulative writing. Writing in a show purely for shock value.

The trailers they put out for this show were manipulative. Showing much more He-man then there was.

I wasnt expecting god tier level writing for this. This was based on a 1980's show. It didnt need amazing writing, it just needed to be good enough and show it cares about its fans. But it didnt.

Lets say we removed He-man from the equation entirely. make this its own thing. Change the names, alter a few appearances. Would that have changed my opinion.

It would make me less mad, but I would also still call it a bad show because the writing is generic at best. Its hackneyed and the characters with any appeal get killed off.

How am I supposed to be excited for this?

Do you know how angry this makes me. I WANTED to be hyped as hell for the fact that Skeletor has the power of Greyskull and is getting ready to be this super big bad for the end of the season. But I am not.

I just feel annoyed and disinterested.

Will I watch the other episodes if they get released?

I dont think I have the stomach for it. They would need to do a LOT to make me want to watch the other half.

#Gale reacts #motu revelation #masters of the universe revelation #motu revelation critical

[keelywolfe]

Drabble: Cheap Thrills (baon)

Summary: Stretch can get a lot of entertainment out of a thrift store find.

Tags:  Spicyhoney, Established Relationship, Domestic Fluff

Part of the ‘by any other name’ series.

~~*~~

Read it on AO3

or

Read it here!

~~*~~

Stretch loved to pick up old books at the thrift shop. There were so many gems that might get lost at a traditional bookstore, like his trusty copy of ‘How to Teach Spanish to Dogs.’

Romance novels were cheap and plentiful, and he got them by bagful for Blue, who never much seemed interested in finding his own romance but loved reading about others. Old reference books filled with outdated information that was still interesting to read about, seeing what people used to believe, until science or society proved them wrong.

Then there were specialty finds.

Stretch wasn’t even two steps through the front door before he held up his prize, announcing happily, “look what i found!”

Edge barely looked up from his laptop, “If it has even one clown on it—"

“No clowns.” That was a prize he’d be sure to stash behind the shower curtain for maximum effect.

For once Stretch didn’t mind Edge working a little overtime at home. Kept him off his feet, gave all those healing juices a chance to settle in.

But a little distraction never hurt. Stretch flopped on the sofa and settled his head right into Edge’s lap, ignoring his exasperated sigh as he held out the book he’d found.

The cover was old and stained, but the title was still readable, ‘The Congregational Cook Book’ and in small letters beneath that, ‘edited by the ladies’ aid society of the First Congregational Church of Ebott, 1915.’

He knew his baby well. As soon as Edge stopped glaring an actually looked at the book, a flicker of interest made an appearance. He set his laptop on the coffee table, ignoring Stretch’s exaggerated sputters of suffocation as his forward lean threatened to smother him with Edge’s shirt, then took the book.

“A cookbook?”

“a really old cookbook!” Stretch enthused, “like, a century old. i thought maybe you’d like to try one it out. See how it compares to the youtube generation of cooking.”

“That does sound interesting,” Edge flipped through the book, reading aloud, “Salmon omelet, no, thank you, green tomato pickles, hot water gingerbread, hm, apple tarts. I do have apples, how does that sound?”

“baby, anything you make sounds like mana from heaven.” And at Edge’s raised brow bone, Stretch admitted, “except risotto, okay, but that’s less you than a general dislike of the genre.”

Edge nudged Stretch off his lap and stood, heading into the kitchen with book in hand. Normally, Stretch would’ve tossed him a fair thee well and let him get to it, but this time, he followed Edge through the swinging door. He was sort of curious if there were any differences in a recipe from a hundred years ago to now, and hey, science, right?

Not that he planned on helping with the cooking process, he was here strictly as an observer, and he plopped down into one of the chairs that surrounded their ‘dining room table’, “so, how much longer are we eating at the card table?”

“Not long,” Edge retrieved a large bowl from under the counter and a set of measuring cups from the cupboard before tying on an apron. “I’m working on a plan for our new kitchen layout. As soon as it’s done, I’ll have the builders get started on it.”

“uh huh, no rush, i was only curious,” Stretch propped his chin on one hand. “you do have a lot on your plate right now, babe. and there’s your whole mental health assessment you still need done.”

Really, it was sort of impressive how much Stretch could glean from slightest change in his husband’s expression. A normal person would think there was no change, but Stretch was good with languages, spent years learning Edge-ese. He knew a twist of distaste when it saw it, “Yes. There is that.”

Any other comment about it was effectively blocked by Edge’s renewed focus on the cookbook, reading the recipe aloud beneath his breath. His brow bone slowly furrowed, concentration replaced with dismay. Which…it was a cookbook, not a grimoire of early twentieth century curses. Wasn’t it?

“babe?” Stretch asked cautiously, “what is it?”

“What kind of recipe is this!” Edge exclaimed. He picked up the book and read aloud, “Eggs, oil, fresh butter or lard, sugar, baking powder, as much flour as it needs. Must be soft as an earlobe, thicker than cake.”

“uh…” Stretch scratched at the back of his skull. “and?”

“That's it. That's the entire recipe. There’s no measurements, no directions, no temperature for baking!” He slapped the book back down on the counter-top. “There are no apples listed! How can this be a recipe for apple tarts without apples? How in the name of the unknown am I supposed to gauge the softness of an earlobe when I don’t have ears?”

All great questions, except Stretch was in possession of exactly zero answers. “does seem a little speciest against those of us without earlobes.”

Edge glared at the cookbook as if by his will alone answers to his questions would come, which was why Stretch was a little surprised when Edge said abruptly, "Let me see your phone."

"yeah, sure," Stretch said, slowly handing it over. Not like he had any secrets or anything and while Edge might change his own passwords at least once a month for security reasons, he’d been using the first 6 digits of Pi since he got the phone. “why?”

“Because I left mine in the living room.” Edge tapped the screen impatiently holding it out as it began dialing out over speakerphone.

A sleepy voice answered, "'lo? Wassup, Boney Marony. "

"Jeff,” Edge said, “I’m afraid you’ll have to engage in wordplay with my husband later. Right now, I need you to come over so I can feel your ears."

A long moment of silence. "That’s very specific. Okay, I'll bite, give me five."

It was more like ten minutes, with Edge sitting impatiently across from Stretch, who was engaged in a furious game of Words With Friends on his newly retrieved phone. Until the light knock came on the front door followed by Jeff shambling into the kitchen. He looked like they’d woken him from a nap, his hair was smashed flat on one side and sticking up on the other. He scratched at his t-shirt covered belly and yawned out, "You know, before I met you guys, I never got calls like this."

“sounds to me like you needed a little more excitement in your life,” Stretch said cheerily.

Edge didn’t bother with a greeting. He limped determinedly over, stripping off his gloves as he went, and without warning began to vigorously fondle Jeff’s earlobes. Jeff squeaked out a mousy sound, his eyes wide as golf balls as he stared up at Edge.

Well. Wasn’t like Andy didn’t know why he was here.

“easy, babe,” Stretch winced, “he might need a little foreplay before you go right for the lobes.”

“I’m checking his ears, not his testicles,” Edge said curtly, even as he leaned down to peer closely at the ears in question.

That remark made Stretch and Jeff speak in unison,

“holy shit, wow, just tossing that out there, huh.”

“Okay, I’m good to help a friend out, but I am drawing the line at ball grabbing.”

Edge ignored them both. He let Jeff go and limped back to his gathered ingredients, already starting to measure them into the bowl, “Thank you, Jeff, that will be all.”

Welp, that sounded like a dismissal. Stretch climbed to his feet, jerking his head towards the door. “c’mon, andy, we can take in a flick while you’re here, if you want.”

Jeff was still a little wobbly, gingerly reaching up to touch one of his well-inspected ears as he followed Stretch out, “Do I want to know what that was all about?”

Stretch shrugged, “cooking.”

“Cooking,” Jeff repeated. He mouthed it again, soundlessly, then shook his head. “I don’t even think I want to know, plausible deniability is probably better. So, he asked for me to help, why?”

“well, how many other humans does edge know that he can call up and ask?” Stretch asked reasonably. He picked up the remote and turned on Netflix. “and don’t say your honey because we both know he’d just hang up, especially without having the proper forms filled out first.”

“Glad to be the go-to guy for illicit cooking-related bodily inspections.” Jeff joined Stretch on the sofa, settling in. “Classic Twilight Zone, huh? Good choice.”

The first episode was mostly over by the time Edge came out with a tray with a half-dozen golden-brown treats that brimmed with appley goodness. Stretch and Jeff dug in, mumbling thank you’s around their mouthfuls and Stretch was already on his second one when he noticed Edge was scribbling notes. He chewed and swallowed his current bite and asked, “what are you doing?”

“Gauging your reactions,” Edge said, still writing, “I kept a close track of the ingredient measurements that I used so that I can make changes for the second batch. Are they too dry? Is the pastry tough?”

“Tastes fine to me,” Jeff said around his mouthful.

“Crisp? Chewy? Is there enough spice?” Edge persisted. The two of them did their best to answer him around bites and finally, Edge made a satisfied sound and disappeared back into the kitchen.

“Huh,” Jeff snagged another tart. “How many batches you think he’s gonna make?”

Stretch shrugged, “i do my experiments and he does his.”

“His taste better.”

“my science isn’t the kind you lick.”

“So far it hasn’t involved you groping my ears, either,” Jeff took a bite and groaned around it, “Worth it, man, but the balls are still off-limits.”

“sounds reasonable.” Stretch snagged the last tart and sank back to watch the pig-faced doctor demanding a needle to sedate his patient, happily waiting to review batch number two.

Hey, he got a snack and a show, all for the price of a thrift store book. Now all he needed to do was sneak that clown statue into the bathroom, but eh, he might wait a while on that. This was enough entertainment for one day.

-finis-

Notes:

So, the recipe in question has been slightly modified from one in a reddit post and the poster had a couple of similar questions as Edge, although their solution wasn't the same. 😂 I couldn't resist writing how Edge would react to finding such a recipe.

The ‘The Congregational Cook Book, edited by the ladies’ aid society of the First Congregational Church, 1915.’ is real enough and I own it. Some of recipes and their measurements are very interesting in comparison to what we see now!

#spicyhoney #papcest #keelywolfe #underfell #underswap #underfell papyrus #underswap papyrus #by any other name

[clevercatchphrase]

2020 Year Review~

2020. Pretty unique year, don’t you think? It’s the first year since 2002 to have only two different digits in it. After 2022, this won’t happen again until 2111. Yep. Absolutely nothing more interesting than that.

Anyway! It’s time I reflect on my 2020, look back on my yearly goals and rant about things that happened to me this year. I made a post like this last year, where I went over my 2019 goals and talked about what I accomplished and what I didn’t, and it’s only fitting I do the same again this year. Read more under the cut for a random stream of consciousness ramble!

So, first things first, let’s look at my 2019 goals;

Finish paying off that last student loan

Put more stuff on my redbubble

Illustrate my own fan fics

Sew at least one stuffed animal

Make an enamel pin

Read one new book a month

Write one page a day/Complete at least one new fan fic

Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make

Finish fully scripting Ghost Switch

Boost my patreon

 Paying Off My Last Student Loan: Going down the list, I am proud to say that I FINALLY paid off all my student loans! (and not a moment too soon. The last payment I made was literally days before the first quarantine rolled out). It took me roughly 4 years on my part-time paycheck to pay off all my loans, and once I finished, I had no money to my name (literally; I had less than 1k as emergency money in case of car troubles or health issues). Heck, I’m STILL living at home as a save up for a place of my own. Finally paying off all my student loans DID activate my secret 2020 new year’s resolution, which was to adopt a cat! I did this too, literally a week later! She is the best thing that’s happened to me this entire year and I love her so much and she is the snuggliest cuddle bug I’ve ever met. I’m so happy she’s in my life now~

Put More Stuff On My Redbubble: ah ha ha ha… I thought I did this, but then I went and checked, and it turns out-! I did not. I made art I intended to go on my redbubble, but haven’t put there yet. They are all drawings of some OCs from a game I want to make, but because I haven’t progressed on making the game this year, I never got around to putting more stuff related to it on my redbubble. At the time of writing, there are 7 days left in December, so I guess I could go and put it up on my redbubble right now, but without context on where the characters are from, there wouldn’t be much point, now would there?

 Illustrate My Own Fan Fics: Another goal that I was so stoked to actually do… and then just didn’t. Gee, I wonder why I couldn’t find the energy or motivation to do it this year? Truly a conundrum. (Hey, you know what? If Ghost Switch counts as a fan fiction in a visual form, then I am doing GREAT on this goal. 2.5 years in, 1 of ~4 arcs done, and still going steady~)

 Sew At Least One Stuffed Animal: Okay, I have a valid excuse for not doing this one. I even knew which stuffed animal I wanted to make, and had the pattern drawn out and everything, but I had no money for materials because I had just paid off my student loans. And then, by the time I did have enough money again, quarantine was in full effect and I couldn’t go out to the fabric store. I’m still trying my best to stay out of public places even if the rules are laxer now, because I don’t want to catch the plague even if everyone in my goddamn city thinks and acts like the problem is over already. Even if they’re all wearing masks, even if they’re staying 6 feet apart, I still don’t want to risk it. I will stay inside until health experts give the all clear, and when that day comes, then I will buy some fleece and make a plush.

 Make An Enamel Pin: I ACTUALLY DID THIS ONE. TWICE! Halfway through quarantine, I was feeling anxious and depressed about my job and how they were planning to have me work with the public despite climbing infection rates and positive covid cases. I didn’t quit then, but in a desperate move to try and become self-sufficient, I went to madebycooper and made two enamel pins based on some butterfly dragons I drew last year. They’re on my etsy store now! I even went out of my way to open a P.O. box just to start a small business! I haven’t sold a single pin yet, and I’m actually really nervous to sell my first because I don’t trust the efficiency of the postal system thanks to the actions of the GOP that really screwed them over this year! (If you would like to see my enamel pins, click here!)

 Read One Book A Month: I did this! With dragon books I bought a couple years back! In fact, I read FOURTEEN dragon books, and still have more books for next year to read! The 14 books I read this year were:

 The Hive Queen

The Poison Jungle

Wings Of Fire Legends: Dragonslayer

Dealing With Dragons

Searching For Dragons

Calling on Dragons

Talking to Dragons

The Bronze Dragon Codex

The Brass Dragon Codex

The Black Dragon Codex

The Red Dragon Codex

The Silver Dragon Codex

Dragon Strike, and

Hatching Magic

 To be honest, I had read The Red Dragon Codex years ago when it first came out, but completely forgotten what it was about. I remembered liking it, and I knew the reading level was on the lower side, but the whole dragon codex series was pretty good! So far, the Silver dragon codex was my favorite, and black dragon codex was probably the worst! Hatching Magic was also really slow and bad and had plot points that went nowhere, but the book was written in the 80s, so I don’t know what I expected. The Dealing with Dragons series was very charming and great for the most part, save for one line in the last book that really rubbed me the wrong way, and all the Wings of Fire Books go above and beyond in this third arc. The second legends book could be a little tighter, though (sky and wren are the best duo and I want a book solely about them, but I honest to god do not care about leaf and ivy’s stories.)

 Write one Page of any story every day/ complete at least one fic: I… did this? Okay, I kinda cheated near the end of the year. I was keeping up the one page a day thing for the first four months, but then the world went to shit and my schedule and habits got disrupted and I fell off my good track record. I completed 7 out of roughly 12 one-shots I had planned for this year (my goal WAS supposed to be one short a month, but… you know how it happens) I kept trying to catch up on this goal all year, but the days kept piling up…. Until November hit. I managed to write over 250 pages for Nanowrimo, and I consider this goal a win. 365 pages of fiction in total, which averages out to about one a day~. SHUT UP IT COUNTS.

 Learn Python or C# for the game I want to make: Another goal I didn’t have the mental energy to commit to this year. Truly a mystery to where all our willpower went in 2020.

 Fully Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: still haven’t done this one yet! The Snowdin arc is completely planned, but I just haven’t gotten around to getting the other areas. I’m not worried, though. I know all the major plot points I gotta hit, it’s just weaving them together in a way that flows nice is the final task. I’m not too worried though. I don’t expect to finish the Snowdin arc for another year and a half, at the bare minimum.

 And my last goal of 2020, Boost My Patreon. I did this at the beginning of the year, but then very intentionally stopped about a third of the way through. It didn’t sit right with me to tell you guys to donate to me when suddenly EVERYONE was financially strained from layoffs or being furloughed. I told my patrons the same, and if you ever need to stop donating to me to take care of yourself first, then by all means, please do. I would feel much better knowing you’re using your money to see yourself fed and housed instead of given to me (where it is pretty much only used to buy gas for my car, honestly)

 Welp! That was all my goals for 2020! I achieved 4 out of 10 goals plus 1 secret goal! Pretty much the same ratio as last year, but now this time I can blame all my failures on the pandemic! I don’t feel so bad about myself anymore~

 ON TO 2021!

 I have 11 goals for the new year, again some rolled over from this list, and some from even older years. They are, in no particular order;

 Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

 Now to go into depth on each one, more for my own sake, really. I want to know exactly what I have planned for each goal this year, and sometimes just looking at a short list doesn’t capture all the smaller details.

 1)Read 12 new books. Same as last year! I The only difference is I might not be able to make it all dragon-related books. (I try my hardest not to buy from amazon anymore, but half-price-books doesn’t always have the obscure stuff I’m looking for)

 2)Finish 2019’s nanowrimo project. If you read my 2019 year reflection, you’ll notice I said I wanted to do some original writing. And I did! The story I wrote for nanowrimo back then was a story I’ve been toying with since 2017, but it was only last year I finally got pen to paper. Now, you may find it odd that the keyword says “finish”. You may think, “but isn’t that what you’re supposed to do for nanowrimo?” and to that I say, WRONG! I wrote 50k words for nanowrimo, but the draft was only about halfway complete. I was kinda discouraged about what I had written last year, because I didn’t like how it was coming out, but I did manage to get it half done. Now it’s time for me to bite the bullet and just finish the thing so I can finally revise it and make it into something I DO like. (It’s still gonna be hella long, tho. That’s what I get for trying to write an epic fantasy, I guess.)

 3)Script TDV. TDV is the abbreviation of the game I want to make. I… still need to do so much for this project OTL… In addition to getting the story solidified, I still need to draw art and game assets, and learn how to code for it, both of which are no small task. I keep having some sort of new year’s goal related to this on my list, and every year I just don’t hit this one. Will 2021 be different?

 4)Finish Scripting Ghost Switch. (Or at the very least, get the waterfall arc completely written out). I have a plan to break this down into simpler steps, by focusing on just one arc for a month or two. Every major arc has 2 to 3 parts, broken up by flashbacks, and if I can just finish one section a month, then I should have the entire thing scripted by the end of the year. It’s not a difficult pace, but seeing if I stick with it will be the real challenge, as it is will all my goals it seems.

 5)Build a Comic Buffer: I’m actually working on this one right now! Since I paid off my last loan and got a new job this year, my current Patreon goals are kind of out of date. They had all been centered around me paying off that last loan, and working towards full-time employment, but those are both completed now! So instead, I would love to get to a place where my patrons could read pages at least a week ahead, and to do that, I need to build a buffer. And since I’m working 5 full days a week now, I can’t afford to fall behind. But you can’t fall behind if you constantly stay ahead! I would like to have… a 10 to 12 page buffer. That’s roughly 3 months’ worth of pages to always have on hand in case I get swamped with work, or something. Right now I currently have a buffer of 3, which will cover me for half a January, which is better than not having anything at all, but still not the best. (ultimately, I would love to have a buffer so big, I could queue them up for the whole year. Wouldn’t that be something?)

 6) Sew one stuffed animal: same as last year. ASSUMING the plague gets under control in 2021, I don’t expect to get to this goal until the summer at the earliest.

 7)Finish 1 song comic: I have 7 song comics planned. One is a gift, one possibly for wandersong, one is a collab that’s currently in the works, but I’m waiting on a friend to do their part before I can continue mine, 2 are UT related, and 2 (well, technically 3, but one is the collab) are KH related. It’s one of the UT ones that will probably get finished, if I’m being honest. It’s completely story boarded, and now I just need to ink and color it. I would like to get it done for UT’s 6th birthday, since I made a song comic on the fly for the anniversary this year, and it was fun, and I’d like to do it again! So, look forward to that next september~

 8) Make another enamel pin: I have a dolphin design I’d like to make because dolphins are cute, if not little murder machines. (need to save up some expendable income first, tho. THESE THINGS AIN’T CHEAP TO MAKE.)

 9 and 10) start and finish 2 original short comics: I’ve got some comic ideas I want to do, but I need to get them written out first. I don’t think either would be too long. Each maybe a couple “episode’s” length, if envisioned on a website like webtoons or tapas. They’d both be heavy in allegory, but not overly drawn out (hopefully)

 11)And lastly, Finish the 5 remaining one-shots I had planned for this year but never got around to. I’m going to try to write one every other month. Pure self-indulgent shipping fluff. If I finish these 5, then maybe I’ll ask other people for more prompts and ideas, which I’ve never done before. We’ll see how it goes~

 Also, Like last year, I’d like to look at everything that’s happened to me this year, though to be honest, I’m not sure how much I remember/how accurate it’ll be. God, I don’t even remember what January was like. Who was I back then? Who were we all back then? I guess I’ll start my yearly retrospective in march because, heh, god we ALL know what started happening in march.

 Firstly, I paid off my last student loan! Then a week later on March 18th, I drove half an hour out of my city to adopt a cat and I love her and it was the best day of this year for me. Spring break is just beginning this weekend, but the attendance at the zoo is shockingly low this year. Apparently, a lot of people watch the news, and they’re all taking precautions about social distancing. I wasn’t too disappointed. Fewer people at the zoo, the easier my job is for me. I was looking forward to getting some free overtime on spring break, since I’m broke after paying off that loan, and I’m a cat parent now and have a furry child to feed. Monday rolls around. My manager calls me and tells me that the zoo is going into lockdown until further notice. I worry for the birds I take care of, but understand it’s for everyone’s safety.

 For two months I sleep in and watch way too much YouTube. I join a couple writing discords. I have nightmares about my birds escaping their enclosure and I dreamed one of the security guards I really like at the zoo gets covid and has to go to the ER. I woke up really upset.

 I started and finished BBS for the first time. I also replayed and finished KH2 final mix for the first time. It had been about 5 years since I last played KH2 before my PS2 died, and it was like coming home~ I also finished tearaway, and played and beat Ryme for a second time (which I can’t remember if I did that last year, but it was a fun experience regardless)

 Mid-June, and I’m allowed to start going back to work, be it on reduced hours. The zoo is still closed to the public, but I’m loving it! I get to work with full-time keepers and do full-time keeper things. It’s so much fun not having to deal with the public. August starts to creep up and there’s a rumor that the zoo will be opening to the public again, which I’m not stoked about. I don’t want to go back to standing in one exhibit all day, talking to guests who don’t listen to the rules or to me. 2 of my younger coworkers (who had both only been there a couple of months) get chosen for full-time positions, while I get passed up which really pisses me off. My other 2 coworkers quit when they think we might be reopening because they cannot risk catching the virus due to at-risk family. I am now the last keeper in the interactive bird exhibit.

 I keep working, the zoo slowly opens, but with me as the only interpreter in our interactive bird exhibit, we can’t open because I can’t run the entire exhibit by myself. So my exhibit stays closed. September comes and goes, and then October starts. Now there is more serious talk of opening my exhibit before the end of the year because the zoo expects to bring in larger crowds for the Christmas lights event in November/December. I ask if I get hazard pay or health insurance since I’m doing full-time hours until they hire more staff. They say no.

 I immediately start searching for a new job feeling incredibly indignant/hurt/slighted/insulted/used/abused/ALL the negative feelings at my job. I had been there for 4 years, but never got a chance to work full time, while the two newest hires who had only been there 2 months both got moved up. I can’t help but feel they were holding one mistake I made two years ago against me and never wanted to give me a chance. (that, or they knew I was reliable when it came to showing up for work in such a volatile position that sees a lot of new faces, and they didn’t want to bother going through the process of hiring someone new) I don’t want to risk my life working around guests who don’t wash their hands and don’t properly distance. I don’t want to gamble with my health when they won’t offer me health insurance because I’m part time.

 Mid October, I get an interview for a full time job and get hired on the spot. I peace out at the zoo 2 weeks later, literally 3 days before they planned to open my exhibit to the public. It was a close call for me to escape before they opened to the public (and pettiness was only partially the reason I dipped out so close to opening). Sorry new hires who are now in charge of the bird feeding exhibit. I taught you the best I could in the short time I had. If the managers are struggling with what to do with one less person, I can’t say I feel bad. I can only hope they delayed opening/closed you down again for your own safety. You are not lightbulbs. I really hope the higher ups stop considering you as replaceable as one. Will I go back to the zoo to visit? Probably. But not for a year at least.

 I started my new job the very next day after I quit the zoo, and have been there ever since, (which isn’t that long yet, tbh. Christmas day was my 2 month anniversary). It’s full time, but it’s also a small business, and everyone’s hours this year have been on the short side due to the plague. I understand, though. They don’t want us to work if they can’t afford to pay us. Everyone is nice enough, though some people smoke and it’s hard to avoid them with how frequently we have to go in and out, and I really don’t want to get lung cancer, sorry not sorry, please and thank you. Also, with such a small team, gossip is certainly harder to go undetected, so it’s a relief knowing people don’t talk behind one another’s backs.

 I participated and beat my 4th nanowrimo in a row, I made TWO apple crisps on thanksgiving, and made baklava on Christmas and both of these recipes were my first time making them, and they both came out adequately! I voted the first day of early voting, and I did an art trade/collab with two of my friends for my birthday! (normally we would have done monthly “art days” where we get together and do art projects for fun because we’re adults and we can spend our time together however we want, but the plague said otherwise this year) We drew pokemon and it was fun! (hopefully I can show you all the results soon. At the time of writing, I’m still waiting for the last two colored parts to get back to me)

 I reached 100 pages on my undertale comic, and finish the first arc out of…! (im not sure. It’s either going to be 4 or 5, I haven’t decided yet)

 Over all, I managed to stay healthy as far as I know. I wasn’t as productive as I wanted to be this year, but then again, who was? (don’t answer that. I don’t need that kind of comparison in my life right now)

 Will 2021be any better? Honestly? I don’t think so. Not right away, at least. Just because a new year is about to start does not mean the slate is completely wiped clean. The change of the calendar year doesn’t magically make all our current problems disappear. Covid will still be here and cases will still climb when January starts. Small business will still be strained when the month rolls over, police will still go on murdering innocent civilians and getting away scot free, amazon and disney will still be monopolizing all consumer goods and media, and I can’t help but feel like there’s an impending shit show about to go down on inauguration day. I do hope things will get better, though. It’ll be arduous and unpleasant, but I do hope things will improve, because sometimes hoping is all you can do.

 Good night.

#long post #new year's resolutions #year review #year retrospective

[love-fireflysong]

Until Dawn’s Fifth Birthday

Welp, congrats Until Dawn, you’re officially old enough to start kindergarten. You’re off to learn to read, tie your shoes, recite yous ABC’s, and learn to count to 100. Your such a big kid now, and I’m proud of you for making it this far.

I know I have done literal jack shit for the entire month, but I have been immensely enjoying the things that everyone’s been putting out for this month. So I’m gonna make this text post, not just because of it’s the five year anniversary, but because it’s actually a post I’ve been wanting to make for a while.

So here it goes:

I first learned of Until Dawn when it first came out hilariously enough. My roommate at the time had boughten it for her ps4 and I had been seeing it all over my dashboard on tumblr at the time. I didn’t play it myself though until close to a year later, when I finally had my own ps4 and I bought the game used for like $20 or something from my local game rental store. And I was hooked.

I remember jumping the first time the UD logo pulls that jump scare on the title screen. And laughing because I’m normally pretty good with jump scares, but that one managed to get me because I hadn’t been expecting one before I even started the game. (The one thing in the game that manages to make me jump every time is the mine cart you stop as Mike. For whatever reason it doesn’t matter how dark my room is when I play the game or how many times I’ve played it, I can never see the mine cart until its literally on top of Mike and the QTE is almost up and I squeak in surprise every fucking time.)  

Of course I didn’t manage to save everyone during my first playthrough, I definitely lost Matt to the hook and Ash to the trapdoor (RIP darlings), and for the life of me I can’t recall how the lodge scene at the end went. I’m one of those players though that try to make choices that the characters I’m playing as would, I throw my feelings by the wayside. For example, being in the shed when the game’s making me choose Ash or Josh, and I was debating on whether or not Chris would save the girl he’s had a major crush on for a while at least, or his best friend for the last ten years. I distinctly remember wincing and sucking in air through my teeth and going “Sorry Ash, bros before hoes” and choosing Josh. And then being confused and convinced that I misunderstood the instructions? I mean I wasn’t complaining, just really, really confused. I definitely choose Ash to live at the gun one though, like there was no hesitation. I watched the whole ‘only thing I’ve ever wanted to do with my time’ scene and talk and the moment control was given back to me, the gun was under Chris’s jaw and I fired.

I’m also one of the players that didn’t know that Josh had been behind everything until the reveal either. I had gotten Sam captured so I never got any of those clues and I managed to miss the other clues that hinted at it being a set up (like the bundle of newspapers). So until the reveal I was still convinced that someone was out there killing all of them. Listen, I like mystery games but I’m not very good at connecting the dots okay.

I think I stuck around for a couple of months, gorging myself of fanfiction (all ff.net stuff by the way, I can’t remember if I knew about ao3 at that point or not) but like all interests do with me, the obsession eventually faded (helped in a large part by the rampant Ashley hate going around at the time) and I moved on.

Until February of this year. I was trying to kill time till the end of March when Persona 5: Royal released and I decided to try and see how many games I could platinum until that point. I had made it through the ps3 tomb raider games, Prince of Persia 2008, and decided on replaying the Uncharted games because the ps4 collection didn’t have multiplayer trophies. I hadn’t even thought of replaying Until Dawn. I mean, I had looked at the case and I remembered the game fondly, but that was it. There was no urge or want. 

I was halfway through Among Thieves when I was bored and chilling time on Youtube. And because I had been watching a couple of videos for the treasure locations in Uncharted, one of the recommended videos for me was a game sins for the series. I decided sure why not, and watched it. And watched a few of his other ones as well, Until Dawn included.

That’s right, what got me back into the series wasn’t fond nostalgia for the characters or story. It was a fucking Game Sins video. I’m so sorry.

I was devouring UD content again. I spent like 2 or 3 weeks reading everything Chrashley (with the hyper-fixation for the game back came the ship, what can I say) based on ao3 that I could get my hands on. I was back into the tag on tumblr, going through art I remembered seeing way back when and looking at usernames that didn’t mean a thing then, but mean the world to me now. And then near the end of February, when the obsession was once again starting to flag, I decided to hell with it, and clicked on the The (Almost)s.

I’m not going to expunge all my praises for the story, everyone else has done that better then I ever could. But guys, it was so good. So so good. I was hooked back into the series once again, just as I was starting to flag. And when I saw that @queenofbaws had mentioned that she was tumblr... I didn’t do anything right away. Too scared really, figured she might find it creepy, so I didn’t do anything for like a week. And then I decided fuck it, sent a message about Chris giving Ash his sweater, and following her.

And that was it. I figured I would stick around to see the story completed and just dip. Not even make a splash, just enjoy the content from the sidelines and no one would know that I was here in the first place. Same old, same old. But that was also when I started turning around the kernel in my mind that Baby It’s Cold Outside (so hold me tight in your arms and don’t let go). I didn’t even intend to write it, it was just going to be the fanfic that lived in my mind for me to stew on before bed every night. But I couldn’t sleep one night, my brain was too on and the words just weren’t stopping, so I pulled out my computer and wrote the first part from Chris standing in the snow outside to him reaching the lodge at like 3 in the morning. 

I started becoming more involved in the fandom when queenie started her wip wednesdays and asked to be tagged. Hilariously enough, those days are what started me cross-stitching again too, I hadn’t touched the pattern in months at that point. So I started posting snippets of my writing, and that one day a week was the only thing pushing me to continue writing. By that point, I had stopped hanging around the edges, now trying to push myself closer into this little fandom circle. 

The day I posted the story, I was fucking terrified. It wasn’t my first story, not by a long shot, but I had always considered my writing to be shit. I thought I had good ideas, but I never felt that I was able to truly bring them to life. English and grammar had never been my best subject, I was always more of a math and physics person growing up. But then that first comment from @elliepollie came in and I almost burst into tears. I couldn’t believe that someone out there liked it so much, that they were willing to leave me a review in the first place. I’m still so blown away that she was willing to recommend it as a Chrashley story for other people to read. I think that was the point I stopped hesitantly pushing my way through, and I just kicked down the doors and just yelled ‘Hey fuckers! I’m here now and you are going to fucking deal with it!’.

That was the event that opened the floodgates for me. Suddenly I was talking to people, I had friends online with the same interests as me. I’ve written more in the last six months then I’ve done in the last ten years! I’m feeling inspired to create again. I actually went out to do the first commission I’ve ever requested (speaking of which, please please please go commisson @fudgeroach. I cannot wait until he can post and show you guys the stuff he drew for me. It was worth every fucking penny let me tell you.)

I’m going to be honest, Until Dawn isn’t my favourite game. Sure it has some of my fav lines (it had been years since I played the game, and the moment Jess started her rant outside the guest cabin I was screaming it along with her) and great characters, as horrible people as they all are, but it’s never been my favourite game and likely never will be. But Until Dawn has the best fandom I’ve ever been in and I’m so, so happy to have met and known every single person here. I seriously love every single person here so, so much. You all make my life better and I’m so happy to have all of you in it. Just to quote Chris because I can: “Every second I spend with you is all I ever wanted to do with my time.” This is how I feel. This is how I feel every goddamn day now.

So yeah, I got back into this fandom from a stupid Game Sins video. But by god if it wasn’t the best choice I’ve ever made.

(PS: for those wondering, I never did finish Uncharted 2. Maybe one day...) 

#until dawn #udanniversary #<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3

[pergimelaut]

Books I read in 2020.

I was once platonically attracted to a friend. Not only did he tell me the name of the person he liked (not me, of course), but also the reasons why. I could’ve mentioned two or three, but one reason sank me in was, “Because she likes to learn.” He didn’t say that to offend me since that night was one of those meetings in which he is the spotlight of our conversations, yet I couldn’t help but feel offended. I thought, “That certainly can’t be me. I don’t like to learn.” I never did, actually.

It was a wake up call that, all this time, I had been stuck in the peak of Mountain Stupid, one of the stages of Dunning-Kruger effect—a phase where you were filled with nothing but arrogance and overconfidence, before the realization “you didn’t know anything at all” hit you like a bucket of cold water.

Well I didn’t change myself after that, though. But in my defense, I decided to read 70-something books in the third year of my student press organization’s membership (which I later failed) long before I had had the conversation with him. I had had my own reason at first, but whatever it was, it was slowly but surely shifted with an ultimate goal created due to that very night, “I want to like to learn.”

Long story short, I was able to read 33 books in 2020.

It’s nowhere near an achievement to be proud of, so I cancelled my plan to write about it and upload it on a platform where I could gain a higher chance he would read it. I know, I know, I shouldn’t seek validation from another person besides myself—after all 33 books were quite impressive for someone like me who don’t really like books, so I shouldn’t be embarrassed about it nor should I be disappointed with the fact that the plan must be cancelled as I was miserably failing, but, welp, so. Okay. In this post, I would like to tell you the books I read in 2020, sort by chronological order.

Yeah, I uploaded it on my personal blog instead, what a dramatic turn of events.

Manifesto Flora was the first book I read, finished it on 2 January 2020. I believe I started to read it on the last couple days of 2019, so it was kinda cheating. It’s a compilation of short stories. All of them were amazing but there was a short story that I really enjoyed titled “Bekas Teman Baikku”. The author had written a short story for a yearly student magazine organized by a student press organization I later joined.

One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez was an amazing novel it earned 5 stars on my Goodreads account. My teacher had been telling us about it as he taught magical realism in Creative Writing class. I finished it in three days—I remember those days where I didn’t do anything besides reading; I woke up in the morning and started to read. That was the only thing I did all day. It almost felt like reading was my hobby. (Spoiler alert: It’s not.)

Hidup di Luar Tempurung was the third book I read. I wasn’t in the best mood to read at that time, but I pushed myself, ended up finishing it but also regretting it since I knew that this book deserved to be treated well. After that I read Bagaimana Tuhan Menciptakan Cahaya by Raka Ibrahim and O: Tentang Seekor Monyet yang Ingin Menikah dengan Kaisar Dangdut by Eka Kurniawan, ended up disliking both by simply because I didn’t enjoy them, I gave them 2 stars. 

Then, well. Global pandemic left me shell-shocked as everyone else, really.

One month nearly passed but thankfully I managed to finish the first e-book titled Filosofi Teras by the end of March. I liked the book at first, even for a short period of time I felt like I could rely on the book as I was trying to cope with anxiety, but turned out it’s a false hope since I simply couldn’t become that rational LOL. But topics about stoicism still got my attention though—perhaps it’d remain as something I could admire. Pulang by Leila S. Chudori was a really good book, another one with 5 stars. Later I learned that having 1965-ish as a setting for novels is mainstream, but since I hadn’t known that, it left me in awe.

Then I got tired.

I wasn’t in the mood to read any books, so I turned into Japanese books—my admittedly guilty pleasure. I read Naruto Secret Chronicles: Shikamaru’s Story: A Cloud Drifting in Silent Darkness, a light novel from Naruto based on Shikamaru’s perspective. Although I wouldn’t mention it as one of the books I read in 2020, it was surprisingly a good book. It taught me about Naruto’s universe beyond what I knew, such as politics and government involved. It helped set the mood, so I continued with Ichigo Doumei, another Japanese novel. It was a book mentioned in Your Lie in April, one of my anime recommendations. It’s a good, simple wholesome story that taught us to treasure the life we had. I disliked the female lead character, though—I still do.

I read Kubah by Ahmad Tohari, a novel my teacher once mentioned, which I dislike, and much hate later on, since it gave people wrong assumptions about PKI and what’s surrounding the 1965 tragedy. After that I fell into Kagerou Daze fandom where I spent a lot amount of time consuming the songs, manga, anime, and also light novels—making me successfully adding Kagerou Daze Vol. 3: The Children Reason, Kagerou Daze Vol. 4: The Missing Children, and Kagerou Daze Vol. 5: The Deceiving to my Goodreads’ bookshelf. The latter was my favourite among them. As I hyped with Japanese authors, I thought it was best to finish Before the Coffee Gets Cold, a Japanese novel I found from a post about, well, Japanese novel recommendations. It’s a fun experience; an enjoyable story with a heart-warming ending.

Four Japanese novels in a row brought me to cursed loop as I realized I had not “learned” enough. Whereas I did learn something with each Japanese novel I read, it wasn’t “learning” that I’d planned in the first place. 

August was a month where I thought, “Eh, maybe I like books,” because I read 8 books in one month. I read Setan van Oyot by Djokolelono, a book published by Marjin Kiri. The novel was well-constructed from the start to the middle part, but unfortunately NOT until the end. Another note: it didn’t bother giving us the translation of both the local and foreign languages used in the story, which is good! I also had the energy to consume Of Mice and Men, a classic book mentioned in Pulang. 

I had spent days in library and bookstore when I finished Hidup Begitu Indah dan Hanya Itu yang Kita Punya—it made me aspire to achieve the ability to write articles like Dea Anugerah, the author. I also read Ketakberhinggaan di Telapak Tangannya by Gioconda Belli which easily became one of my favourite books of the year.

I read The Heart is A Lonely Hunter by Carson McCullers, another book with a writing style I would aspire to achieve. It’s a good social-realism novel covering racism towards black people, the life of a curious little girl, a perspective from a blind-deaf man, and the socialist guy—everything was set around the 1930s, written by a brilliant 23-year-old woman. It has some translation issues, unfortunately. Then I continued with Kekerasan Budaya Pasca 1965: Bagaimana Orde Baru Melegitimasi Anti-Komunisme Melalui Sastra dan Film. I’ve been wanting to be able to convey my thoughts in a well-constructed thesis like what the book did.

Tango & Sadimin by Ramayda Akmal was the next, and it was enjoyable even though not satisfying—at least it helped me discover my tendency towards social-realism novels. Then I read Xenoglosofilia: Kenapa Harus Nginggris? by Ivan Lanin—it didn’t help me that much despite its educational contents, but perhaps I just didn’t find what I was looking for.

September was a shameful month as I didn’t read any books AT ALL. I planned to read at least one book per month, that’s why I set 12 books in my Goodreads. My goal wasn’t to read books, but to like them, so what I set up was simply the habit. Looking back at what I did—finishing One Hundred Years of Solitude—I could read book all day if I want to. But I want to become someone who, even if for a few pages, read books every day. And I considered myself failing when September passed without any finished books added to the list.

November came and I read El hablador by Mario Vargas Llosa, a book I had been desperately looking for that my friend finally lent to me. I gave them 5 stars because it greatly helped me in understanding indigenous people and how important it is to support their rights.

Then I desperately turned back to another Japanese novel, this time The Kudravka Sequence by Honobu Yonezawa. It successfully made me fall in love with one specific character because I feel represented, then I looked up Wikia and the synopsis of the next novels, and ended up disappointed LOL. I got tired again and read Sebuah Pertanyaan untuk Cinta by Seno Gumira Ajidarma, a book which I couldn’t believe had written by the Seno Gumira Ajidarma LOL(2). Then in order to set up the mood, I bought my friend’s self-published short stories, Dongeng Sebelum Tidur: Kumpulan Cerita Pendek. It was the first time I added a book to Goodreads. I told her that I uploaded a review and gave her 5 stars. She was really happy and I too was happy because of it.

December approached as well as final exams. So many papers with short deadlines, and despite that, I read books instead on working with my papers—procrastinator as its finest, you see. I read two Agatha Christie’s books, The ABC Murders and Five Little Pigs, two novels I had really wanted to read in years. After exams passed, I somehow gained my energy back. I read Kisah Seekor Camar dan Kucing yang Mengajarinya Terbang by Luis Sepulveda, an enjoyable novella reminding us to take care of animals and protecting the environment from pollution. I wrapped up 2020 with two classic books, No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai and Down and Out in Paris and London by George Orwell.

 Yup, that’s it!

Now that I’ve just tracked back all the books I read, I realize that my reading experience has its ups and downs. I ain’t good at keeping my mood stable to do the same activities  for a long period of time, and I earned the energy back by—apparently—switching into Japanese novels or light-themed books.

Long story cut short, I failed to read 70-something books. But I also recovered from the heartbreak I guess (LOL), and that’s good news! (Although maybe I forced myself to move on, since the goal was the indicator whether I’m worth it or not, and I failed.) (I shouldn’t have done that to myself, but I had no chance at all in the first place, though. That’s why if I could move on by setting an impossible goal, failed in the process, and helplessly gave up, so be it!)

Thank you for reading.

(And thanks to Anggy who beta read the post! <3)

#english #tentang saya

[creepykingdom]

“Doctor Sleep” Review

By John Duarte 

Heeeeereeesss ME!!!! I’m so sorry for that everyone. I kind of had to. Welp!, Now that’s out of the way...Let’s get into this review, shall we? Doctor Sleep is of course based upon the book of the same name by legendary author Stephen King. The story takes place years after the events of “The Shining” and follows Danny Torrence all grown up. Now played by Ewan McGregor, who’s a recovering alcoholic who gets a job at a hospital and talks to the patients who are about to pass on into the next life. Later on, Danny meets a girl named Abra (Kyliegh Curran) with the same powers as him. When a cult group named The True Knot come around and prey on children and sucks their souls right out of them, Danny tries to protect Abra and defeat The True Knot and it’s leader Rose the Hat (Rebbeca Ferguson). Sounds like a fun romp huh? 

I had a couple of days to think about what I thought of this movie. When I left the press screening, I quickly answered: “This movie is OK, not great and it didn’t wow me unlike writer & director Mike Flanagan’s previous work.” After processing my thoughts, I come to a conclusion with I did enjoy this movie very much as it’s both a sequel to Kubrick’s movie as well as elements of the recent book. Although I have read neither of the books (Don’t @ me), “Doctor Sleep” very much works as a sequel to the movie. Ewan’s portrayal as older Danny is a very sad man who of course tries to redeem himself from the trauma he’s suffered from The Overlook Hotel incident. The main villain Rose the leader of the cult is my favorite character of the movie and as I was talking to another fellow critic, we would like to see a spin-off movie on how Rose and the rest of The True Knot gang came to be. I thought Abra was an interesting addition to this movie and I thought Kyliegh did a fine job portraying her and she does some pretty badass tricks during the middle of the movie. 

Getting back to writer/director Mike Flanagan for a second...I’ve been a fan of his since I first saw “Oculus”. A movie the flew under my radar and became one of my favorite movies of 2013. He also made that purely amazing “Ouija” sequel that’s 10 billion times more watchable than the god awful first one. He has a specific style I like very much and I thought he brought some of his styles to this. There were a few things I found interesting about this movie as it is a sequel, The score by The Newton Brothers (Mike Flanagan’s goto film composers) stayed true to the original score that Wendy Carlos first brought us back in 1980 as well as added some of their flavor to the mix. 

“Sleep” also brought back some familiar characters. I won’t give too much away but the actors portraying these characters did a unique job at the impressions and the mannerisms. Ok, I’ll give one thing away...Danny’s mom originally portrayed by Shelley Duval now played by Alex Essoe perfectly imitates Shelley’s performance. Now, If you REALLY don’t want to know about what happens in the 3rd act, I suggest you stop reading now if you want to hear what happens. I’ll give you at least five seconds. 

5 4 3 2 1 Ok,...So the 3 act Takes Danny & Abra and basically invites Rose to you guessed it, The Overlook Hotel for the final battle. It also begins exactly the way “The Shining” begins with the helicopter shot going through the lake all the way to following the car as it drives to the hotel. When we get there, everything you remember from the Kubrick movie is recreated in “Sleep”. All the hallways, the main room, room 237, etc. I enjoyed the final battle very much as well as the execution of the finale. All in all, It’s a satisfying sequel to the movie rather than the book. 

To wrap things up, If you’re looking for a straight-up adaptation to “Doctor Sleep”, look somewhere else, but if you wanted a sequel to the Stanley Kubrick 1980’s horror classic with some elements of “Doctor Sleep”, you came to the right place. At just 2 hours and 40 mins, I think Flanagan who edited this movie kept the pace flowing throughout to make this a fun and interesting horror/thriller. Definitely catch it with an audience when it comes to theaters with a special screening on Halloween night October 31st (as of this review) and when it officially comes out on November 8th. 

Rating: B- 

(All Images Courtesy of Warner Bros. Pictures)

#blogposts #doctor sleep

[callie-the-snarky-geek-blog]

RvB16 Episode 7 Review: It Just Winked At Me

Last time on Red vs Blue: O’Malley came back bitches. That’s it. That’s all you need to know. No need to go into how Grif is all alone with only a talking lens flare and all the potential angst that writers can dig up from that. Or that Atlus is a dork who obliterated Tucker and Sister into subatomic particles. None of that’s important at all. Only O’Malley matters.

Alright, so this episode has been hyped for awhile. Joe hyped it up. Kyle Taylor (the Machinima director) hyped it up. Even Gus hyped it up. Any of this can mean anything. So as we enter the shortest episode so far (only 7 minutes… I guess Joe couldn’t make the episodes longer unless he’s holding them back for later), what has all the talk been leading up to? Well… I can say it was like nothing I’ve seen before!

Overview

So good news, Tucker and Sister are alive! Yay… yeah I knew that was coming. There is no way that they’d kill a long-time character and a fan favorite character they finally made a main like that. Also it looks like the blast sobered them up. So there’s your lesson kids: if you are drunk off your ass, being blasted by God is how you sober back up! Atlus tries to kill them a couple more times before finally realizing that ‘his’ protection is making that impossible. Also we find out that Kalirama is his sister, which explains her being the Queen of the Cosmic Powers. So goign into some speculating, Kalirama mentioned being the Daughter of Time. My guess has been that the villain is Chronos, the Personification of Time. It can also refer to Cronus, the King of the Titans and father of Zeus. If Joe made Chronos and Cronus the same person who Atlus overthrew and he and Kalirama and his kids trying to keep him locked up… wow and I thought the Church and Grif families were fucked up.

Since Atlus can’t obliterate Tucker and Sister, he goes with the option of ‘let my mindless minions do it’. So he summons up a cyclopes… I am NOT joking. Some may find this too bizarre, but as someone who likes mythical shenanigans I do NOT give a shit! Plus it fits the myth theme since cyclopes’ are part of both Greek and Roman mythology. So the cyclopes obviously isn’t a Halo character, so what did they do? They… put Gus in a costume/a ton of makeup and made him do it. Yes, you read that right. The cyclopes was RvB’s very own Gustavo Sorola. It is also, I believe, RvB’s first implementation of live-action within the show, at least on this level. It’s pretty good! I mean the cyclopes is butt ugly, but I’m pretty sure that was the point… sorry Gus.

So Atlus sicks… Grugh, I think? Screw it, I’m calling him Gus. My blog, my rules. Atlus sicks Gus on the two Blues. They understandably, make a run for it. At least until Sister quips that Tucker could prove how great a fighter she is. Which she meant as sarcasm… but Tucker of course has to decide to be Mr. Macho and face Gus. The result? Both the time gun and the sword get knocked away from him. I should also point out that Gus is about 100X larger than Tucker. So he can easily crush him… yyyyeah… not your best plan Tucker.

Back in the 6th Century (not the 16th like I wrote last week, Past Callie is stupid), Huggins is trying to figure out what to do now that O’Malley has gotten away and both she and Grif are stranded. Grif is currently… I guess looking for mushrooms since he mentions eating them later. Guess since he can’t talk Italian, that’s the only way he can survive, I mean it worked on the moon! Anyways, Huggins contemplates her options. Now because she’s talking fast, it’s hard to make out everything and for whatever reason,t he RT site doesn’t have a subtitle option that I REALLY hope they fix soon. But anyways, Huggins comes u with three potential solutions:

Wait it out and let time move along until she’s back in present day. This is ruled out because it would take far too long. This one is declared a ‘maybe’.

MURDER! Kill Grif and prevent at least one dirty shisno from fucking everything up! This is also ruled out as it goes against Huggins’ code and it’s also forbidden. Oh, but Atlus can obliterate people? I sense abuse of power!

Talk to Grif and convince him to team up so that they can find a way out of the 6th Century. But if she does this, thee penalty is getting tortured int he Underworld for all eternity. But this is the only option that could work, so… ye, she risks it.

Alright, so reasoning! Huggins goes to Grif, who is pretty much refusing to believe anything that is happening. Huggins tries to convince him to help her since otherwise hey’re both gonna die. Grif doesn’t buy any of it, especially when Huggins reveals that the Gods sent her to spy on them. SO he just walks away and Huggins is probably re-considering the murder option now.

Alright, back to the moon! Tucker tries to shoot Gus… and of course fails. Stupid guns! Sister retrieves both the time gun and Tucker’s sword as Tucker himself ducks inside the base. He tries to think of what to do… and sees his old armor set, giving him an idea. Gus reaches in and grabs what looks like Tucker, eating his head. Eww, Gus! That’ll ruin your teeth!  Also is this an Attack on Titans reference? I’m positive that it’s an Attack on Titans reference. But of course it was really the empty armor which Tucker stuffed with grenades. Which go off, distracting Gus and Tucker drives in with the Warthog, driving it straight into hos face. It finally knocks Gus down and Tucker along with him.

So it looks like Tucker wins, right? Haha… yeah… about that. Sister points out that normally when you beat the boss, they come back twice as powerful. You’d think that Tucker, living in a video game, would know this but meh. SO yeah, Gus gets back up and he is not happy. Hey Tucker, tell him that they should go to Vegas! That’ll make him REALLY angry I bet! Tucker runs into the caves and seems safe since Gus’ hand is too big… until Tucker says he needs to do it one finger at a time. And Gus can understand English, so… yeah…

Fortunately before Tucker can get grabbed, Sister channels her inner Xena and attempts to use the sword, jump down form the cliffs, and stab Gus in the head. But Tucker informs her too late that the sword only works for him. SO she gets smacked away and when Tucker exits the cave to help, he gets knocked over to her. Sister points out that cyclopes’ have a fatal weakness, so Tucker goe sin and… attacks Gus’ groin. I… don’t think that’s what she meant Tucker… but it works as Gus finally hits the ground. Well… not the defeat I was expecting, but it was a defeat!

Unfortunately, Atlus decides to sick Gus’ wife on them who is rather peeved that due to this, they can’t do hanky panky and have kids. Having had enough, Tucker and Sister FINALLY do what they should have done before: open a time portal and get the fuck out of there. Where do they end up? Well remember the medieval scene from Episode 1? Well they FINALLY connected it to the main narrative as the two end up on the same tower as medieval Grif and Simmons. And the two get arrested… WELP.

Review

This episode has had a lot of mixed reception so far. I haven’t seen anyone hate it, but many were disappointing. It’s understandable why. After all the hype, it was really just about a dumb joke. A very well shot dumb joke, but a dumb joke. There’s still so little about he plot we know, nothing advanced any further here, the episode was incredibly short, and it’s still unclear what all of this is leading us to. We’re on Episode 7 and no progress has been made. I think so far Joe has the opposite problem he had last year. Last year, he rushed it because he only ha done season. This year he has more than one, but due to it he slowed down. A little too much maybe. This coming off the heels of last week’s O’Malley plot bomb and… yeah I don’t blame people in being disappointed and viewing this as completely pointless.

I didn’t know how to feel during the first viewing… but when watching ti again to write this review, I was laughing so much. I got a LOT more enjoyment out of it. To be fair, I am always like that. I always like stuff on the second watch than the first one since I knwo what’s coming and I can better process it. And watching ti again… I don’t think that this was pointless at ll. There’s no major progression with the plot, and I agree that it’s been long enough. But… I got a lot out of this episode, even form Grif’s brief scene. Not just with plot, but the work on this episode is truly impressive imo.

Before we talk about that, lets do Grif’s scene. It’s only about a minute long and the only machinimated scene. Yeah, 95% of the episode was CGI animated. But Grif’s scene, while brief, was good. I wish we saw a bit mroe follow-up on how he’s doing after O’Malley left him stranded, but him living off mushrooms I can buy. Him also goign into denial over everything I can also buy. So not as much as I was hoping for with him, but good stuff that matches his character.

The scene’s actual importance is mainly setup for what’ll happen later. It also FINALLY gave us some time with Huggins’ since Episode 1. And OMG, I absolutely love her. Her rapid fire dialogue is kind of hard to make out, but her actress did a good job at it. Huggins is cheerful, but serious about her job. She understands the importance of what’s coming, but has to resort to breaking law since she’s in a position where otherwise, everyone is doomed. She’s cute, but also sassy as evident with her response when Grif calls her Tinkerbell (is that gonna be his nickname for her when he warms up to her? I want it to be!) Seriously I am already loving the interactions between Grif and Huggins and I am really excited to see more of it! Now how they’ll get out of the 6th Century IDK, but we’ll just have to wait.

Okay, back to the res tof the episode. As I said, pretty much the entire episode is CGI animated. it’s the first major CGI fight in the season, and it was awesome. Okay it was mostly running, but it was fun to watch. Tucker plowing the Warthog into Gus was freakin’ badass. The voice acting was also on point. I have never laughed harder at Jason Saldana’s performance than I have today and Becca continues to crush it as Sister. Seriously, going all Xena with the ‘alalala!’ war-cry had me dying. An ProZD as Atus… OMG ProZD. He was fantastic in this episode and it added so much to Atlus as a character. Like he is just enjoying the show and is so unimpressed with Tucker and Sister even when they win. His animation where he’s just celebrating watching Gus winning was also so freakin’ fantastic and again, dds to the character. Seriously, I wasn’t sure what to think of Atlus before, but he has already become one of my fav RvB villain ever after this episode alone.

So onto Gus… I have no idea how Joe talked him into this. I mean he’s done worst and IDT anything will be as bad as when he did the Baby Gus RT Short. That short man… anyways! I think Gus did really well! It felt like he was truly interacting with the environment. He didn’t have to do much acting aside form grunting and going around wildly, but it felt like he was playing a monstrous cyclopes. Credit also to Joe and his directing. I don’t knwo what inspired him to do this, but OMG I am so glad he did. I mean it looks weird and it’s ridiculous.., but it’s RvB. It’s always been weird and ridiculous. Plus using live action again sells the effect that the cyclopes is a monster compared to what we’re used to with the machinima. It sold the effect really well. So kudos to Joe and to Gus because shooting this and then editing it in had to be a nightmare.

It’s why I don’t think the episode was at all pointless. I mean we DO have some minor things. We find out that Kalirama is Atlus’ sister, the villain si indeed a locked up time God, get a taste of how powerful the Cosmic Powers forces are, have some characterization for Atlus, setup for Grif and Huggins’ plot, an actual fight scene after so long, and it FINALLY ties in the medieval scene. It’s also huge on a cinematic scale, which is probably why it’s only 7 minutes. I mena Joe and his team had to fully animate the episode, shoot Gus’ scenes where he’s pretty much just interacting with air, combined the footage together, likely do re-shoots if the live action was even slightly off, edit it all together with the machinima, and… yeah. This was likely a huge pain it he ass to do for everyone involved. But I appreciate that they did. Joe is going above and beyond what he has to do. he could just do solely machinima and it would be fine. But he’s trying new things, implementing more CGI, and taking the show to the next level. Is it a hit? That’s for one to decide on their own. I think it worked here, but I don’t think they should regularly implement live action as they did. Special occasions are fine though. But I still appreciate Joe trying things and putting in the effort when he doesn’t have to. He wants to make the show as good as he can, and I can absolutely respect that.

Final Thoughts

Did they hype this one too much? Maybe a little. It was not what I was expecting at all. But I don’t thin that’s a bad thing. Again, I appreciate them going out of their way to do this. Plus the animation, dialogue, and voice acting were really good. Can I understand why people don’t like this episode and are getting weary of the season? Absolutely yes. I do hoe that Joe starts to speed up the plot soon. But I still had a fun time watching the episode, and in the end that’s what matters: having a good time. It was weird and ridiculous and I wouldn’t have it nay other way.

#rvb #rvb16 #rvb reviews #old blog repost

[thatxvguy]

Aight, so here it is, KOD.

It’s my first J. Cole album I enjoy by far tbh, because I don’t seem to get his appeal (even tho I like lyrical Hip-Hop too) at the first listen, maybe it’s because I understand what’s the subject matter here, so yea let’s get into it.

Released in 4/20 to NOT glorify about drug use & addiction. Wow.

Shout-out my homie @ywrbgs for the review request. (Go follow his IG, he makes dope-ass beats)

01. Intro - Jazzy. Great intro for the album, the narration pretty much sums up the synopsis for this album. At first I was judging the rest of the songs to sound like the intro, Jazzy, Boom-bap-ish & conscious bUT HEY LOOK WHO’S SURPRISED—

02. KOD - JESUS, I DIDN’T KNEW HE COULD GO THIS HARD. BRO. THIS HARD. HE PRODUCED HIS OWN ALBUMS RIGHT?? THIS SHIT- FIRE YO. I like how he acknowledged the current state of Hip-Hop & drug glorifying in Hip-Hop, and him to do it in such a modern way (Trap beats, etc) makes this even more enjoyable, a definite favorite.

“Bitches been askin’, "What have you done lately?” I stacked a few M’s like my last name was Shady"

You know how I be when I hear Eminem references.

I go brazy.

Ballistic.

03. Photograph - Y'know I gotta put it in the personal favorites when it’s about love. It pretty much talks about Cole being in love with a random girl he met on IG (I suppose? It could be Twitter/Tinder/any other social medias) & how easy it is for people to fell in love with someone by just seeing a photograph of them. Me personally I relate to the song A-FUCKING-LOT (Yes I’m apparently a hopeless romantic who falls in love easily, thankfully I have someone to fight for now lmao). The hook pretty much hit me in the heart like “fUCK”, definitely a big recommend for someone who wants to start listening to J. Cole the easy way. And yeah the beat? The beat slap mad hard yo whatthefu-

04. The Cut Off (feat. kiLL edward) - Well here’s another feature from none other his alter ego he created to promote this album, it came back to that Boom-Bap and boy I enjoy this a lot. Lyrically he’s talking about people who cut him off for money/fame/clout/you name it, as much as he wants to take revenge for how people treated him badly, he knows that revenge is God’s work so he lets them off. Overall the song is a great song to vibe to, to understand to & all that. But I think it lacks something else, I just don’t know how to describe it, maybe it lacks an impactful moment? Still a great song overall

05. ATM - You ain’t a rapper if you don’t have a song to flex about in one of your albums. This song’s all about Cole flexing about his money but yet ironically he depicts about how people will do anything for money & how people’s lives are chained just because of money, hence the title of the song. (Addicted to Money)

Everything here slaps, the beat, the rap, the hook & how sarcastically Cole talks about his wealth in here, everything’s great. I wonder how people would think about this song without knowing how Cole is lol.

06. Motiv8 - Yea boy another song about getting money, seems like Cole is pretty frustrated about how these people get money nowadays. But ay, it is pretty pathetic to see it tbh, a promising talent on the come up, 3 years later people don’t even know them no more or even worse. (RIP XXX & Peep)

What’s ironic to me is that the song is lit, like I can’t lie man the song is lit. But what he raps about makes me think twice about how fucked up is the rap game. I feel like this song & ATM definitely takes inspirations from SoundCLoud rappers as heard as how the beats are & how Cole flows on the beats.

07. Kevin’s Heart - AYY BOY ANOTHER PERSONAL FAVORITE. ENOUGH SAID. How Cole talks about cheating to their certain other. That shit broke my heart.

As someone who understands about these things but yet to actually never been through these things just makes me even more confused, like do you ever understand something that you never been through? That’s how I am in my love life.

Sorry for being oot but I’ve been single for like what now? 3 years? And shit bro as much as I want to experience these kinda things again I couuldn’t because I haven’t found someone who wants me yet. Yet I understand how heartbreaks are & how people deal with it, but at the same time I feel ironic to empathize these kinda feelings, I feel fake, just like how Cole said it in the bridge.

Wow. This shit really wrecked me. 10/1 best outta best.

Where did my heart went now??

08. BRACKETS - Now this here, is some shit I gotta listen to a couple of times to actually get the gist of. Because I don’t really understand about how taxes in America works, I’ll just comment on what I got from thing song aight, so it’s basically Cole talking about how taxes are charged in America & where do the money go, does it go to fund the development of the States? Or does it go to some “money-hungry company” as Cole stated in the song. This that retrospective shit you gotta binge listen to actually understand fully what the song’s all about.

09. Once an Addict (Interlude) - Picturing about how his mom’s an alcoholic, I’ve been listening to these typa songs since I first found Eminem back in 2011 & now I’m back listening to someone who depicts almost the same topic in 2018, I feel great to actually listen someone who still holds story-telling in their raps, Cole is definitely one of the greatest in today’s era, proven by how he raps here. And tbh this is my very first time to listen to an interlude longer than 2 minutes, as if this interlude could actually be a song itself if you ask me.

10. FRIENDS (feat. kiLL edward) - At first I thought this song was about how addiction could start with a bad enviroment (You smoking as a minor with your friends, you get me?) but instead this songs about Cole’s message to his friends who is battling with addiction.

In here he wants people to know that drug abuse isn’t the way to escape the problems that they’re facing, but having a positive mindset will help them through. Imo I couldn’t agree more, but some people do really need the drugs to help, but I’m not promoting in drug usage in any sort of ways, I’m just saying if it helps better then do it, just don’t overdo it.

11. Window Pain (Outro) - This fucking outro man, I don’t fucking know how the fuck did Cole managed to put such a message in this outro but goddamn.

This is beautiful.

It’s all about Cole being introspective about what he wants in his life & how he is grateful for everything that happened in his life.

One interesting point about this outro is about the narrative of a girl telling about how her cousin got shot badly in her house. Her cousin was about to pick up the girl until some goons shot her cousin in the face and neck.

Surprisingly he’s still alive & the girl telling the story told that it was “God’s grace” for him to be spared alive. Unto been asked why do bad things happen & why won’t just good things happen to the world, the little girl replied:

“Because God is tryna, um Warn-warn us or teach us a lesson that we need to learn Or He’s tryna warn us of He’s comin’ back to, um, see us and take us home and redo the world He’s comin’ back to, um, have us be His children and for us to see Him for the first time so we can rejoice with Him and have our time And after we do that, He’s gonna restart the world”

Referring to Christians believing that God is going to be back to restart the world back to the pure, good world it was.

I’m surprised that Cole isn’t afraid to talk about these things, as the world is pretty much atheistic by now & I gotta respect him for being able to talk so.

12. 1985 (Intro to “The Fall Off”) - Presumably going to be the intro for his next album, Cole raps about the state of today’s Hip-Hop & easy is for a young rapper to rise & fall easily in this age of time.

People are saying that Cole is taking shots at various young reckless rappers i.e. Lil Pump/Smokepurrp/You name it, but I think that he’s actually trying to warn about how their actions could lead to their own downfall, seeing that Cole isn’t that type to be offended about today’s state of Hip-Hop (Proven by how he used trap beats & generic trap flows in this album) I don’t really think he’s “dissing” anyone here.

Welp, there it is, KOD. I like how J. Cole kept the album short & simple by just 12 tracks yet each songs has it own depths to understand about.

One thing I gotta take a not of is that… The overall album content’s pretty ironic tbh. Lit trap beats opposed to conscious rap, got me feeling some typa way.

DON’T EVEN ASK ME ABOUT HOW I FEEL ON KEVIN’S HEART, THAT SHIT LITERALLY BROKE MY HEART & MOOD, I GOTTA TAKE A BREAK FROM WRITING THIS FOR AROUND AN HOUR OR SO, JUST BECAUSE HOW I COULD RELATE TO IT. Jfc.

Personal favorites: KOD, Photograph (I fucking lOVE THIS SHIT), DAVID’S HEART YEA I SAID IT FUCK YOU, Window Pain (Outro)

My fucking goodness this album actually wrecked me wtf.

#kod #jcole #dreamville #hip-hop #trap #trapmusic #rap #rapmusic #music #album #review #musicreview #albumreview #music review #album review #kidsondrugs #kingoverdosed #killourdemons #kids on drugs #king overdosed #kill our demons

[calliecat93]

RvB16 Episode 7 Review: It Just Winked At Me

Last time on Red vs Blue: O’Malley came back bitches. That’s it. That's all you need to know. No need to go into how Grif is all alone with only a talking lens flare and all the potential angst that writers can dig up from that. Or that Atlus is a dork who obliterated Tucker and Sister into subatomic particles. None of that’s important at all. Only O’Malley matters.

Alright, so this episode has been hyped for awhile. Joe hyped it up. Kyle Taylor (the Machinima director) hyped it up. Even Gus hyped it up. Any of this can mean anything. So as we enter the shortest episode so far (only 7 minutes... I guess Joe couldn't make the episodes longer unless he’s holding them back for later), what has all the talk been leading up to? Well... I can say it was like nothing I’ve seen before!

Overview

So good news, Tucker and Sister are alive! Yay... yeah I knew that was coming. There is no way that they’d kill a long-time character and a fan favorite character they finally made a main like that. Also it looks like the blast sobered them up. So there’s your lesson kids: if you are drunk off your ass, being blasted by God is how you sober back up! Atlus tries to kill them a couple more times before finally realizing that ‘his’ protection is making that impossible. Also we find out that Kalirama is his sister, which explains her being the Queen of the Cosmic Powers. So... I made a post a few days ago about Kalirama’s titles and she mentioned being the Daughter of Time. My guess has been that the villain is Chronos, the Personification of Time. It can also refer to Cronus, the King of the Titans and father of Zeus. If Joe made Chronos and Cronus the same person who Atlus overthrew and he and Kalirama and his kids trying to keep him locked up... wow and I thought the Church and Grif families were fucked up.

Since Atlus can’t obliterate Tucker and Sister, he goes with the option of ‘let my mindless minions do it’. So he summons up a cyclopes... I am NOT joking. Some may find this too bizarre, but as someone who likes mythical shenanigans I do NOT give a shit! Plus it fits the myth theme since cyclopes’ are part of both Greek and Roman mythology. So the cyclopes obviously isn’t a Halo character, so what did they do? They... put Gus in a costume/a ton of makeup and made him do it. Yes, you read that right. The cyclopes was RvB’s very own Gustavo Sorola. It is also, I believe, RvB’s first implementation of live-action within the show, at least on this level. It’s pretty good! I mean the cyclopes is butt ugly, but I’m pretty sure that was the point... sorry Gus.

So Atlus sicks... Grugh, I think? Screw it, I’m calling him Gus. My blog, my rules. Atlus sicks Gus on the two Blues. They understandably, make a run for it. At least until Sister quips that Tucker could prove how great a fighter she is. Which she meant as sarcasm... but Tucker, of course, has to decide to be Mr. Macho and face Gus. The result? Both the time gun and the sword get knocked away from him. I should also point out that Gus is about 100X larger than Tucker. So he can easily crush him... yyyyeah... not your best plan Tucker.

Back in the 6th Century (not the 16th like I wrote last week, Past Callie is stupid), Huggins is trying to figure out what to do now that O’Malley has gotten away and both she and Grif are stranded. Grif is currently... I guess looking for mushrooms since he mentions eating them later. Guess since he can't talk Italian, that’s the only way he can survive, I mean it worked on the moon! Anyways, Huggins contemplates her options. Now because she’s talking fast, it’s hard to make out everything and for whatever reason,t he RT site doesn't have a subtitle option that I REALLY hope they fix soon. But anyways, Huggins comes u with three potential solutions:

Wait it out and let time move along until she’s back in present day. This is ruled out because the Reds and Blues will still be time traveling, evil time God goes free, and the universe dies. This one is declared a ‘maybe’.

MURDER! Kill Grif and prevent at least one dirty shisno from fucking everything up! This is also ruled out as it goes against Huggins’ code and it’s also forbidden. Oh, but Atlus can obliterate people? I sense abuse of power!

Talk to Grif and convince him to team up so that they can find a way out of the 6th Century. But if she does this, thee penalty is getting tortured int he Underworld for all eternity. But this is the only option that could work, so... ye, she risks it.

Alright, so reasoning! Huggins goes to Grif, who is pretty much refusing to believe anything that is happening. Huggins tries to convince him to help her since otherwise they're both gonna die. Grif doesn't buy any of it, especially when Huggins reveals that the Gods sent her to spy on them. SO he just walks away and Huggins is probably re-considering the murder option now.

Alright, back to the moon! Tucker tries to shoot Gus... and of course, fails. Stupid guns! Sister retrieves both the time gun and Tucker’s sword as Tucker himself ducks inside the base. He tries to think of what to do... and sees his old armor set, giving him an idea. Gus reaches in and grabs what looks like Tucker, eating his head. Eww, Gus! That’ll ruin your teeth!  Also is this an Attack on Titans reference? I’m positive that it’s an Attack on Titans reference. But of course, it was really the empty armor which Tucker stuffed with grenades. Which go off, distracting Gus and Tucker drives in with the Warthog, driving it straight into his face. It finally knocks Gus down and Tucker along with him.

So it looks like Tucker wins, right? Haha... yeah... about that. Sister points out that normally when you beat the boss, they come back twice as powerful. You’d think that Tucker, living in a video game, would know this but meh. SO yeah, Gus gets back up and he is not happy. Hey Tucker, tell him that they should go to Vegas! That’ll make him REALLY angry I bet! Tucker runs into the caves and seems safe since Gus’ hand is too big... until Tucker says he needs to do it one finger at a time. And Gus can understand English, so... yeah...

Fortunately, before Tucker can get grabbed, Sister channels her inner Xena and attempts to use the sword, jump down from the cliffs, and stab Gus in the head. But Tucker informs her too late that the sword only works for him. SO she gets smacked away and when Tucker exits the cave to help, he gets knocked over to her. Sister points out that cyclopes’ have a fatal weakness, so Tucker goe sin and... attacks Gus’ groin. I... don’t think that’s what she meant Tucker... but it works as Gus finally hits the ground. Well... not the defeat I was expecting, but it was a defeat! 

Unfortunately, Atlus decides to sick Gus’ wife on them who is rather peeved that due to this, they can't do hanky panky and have kids. Having had enough, Tucker and Sister FINALLY do what they should have done before: open a time portal and get the fuck out of there. Where do they end up? Remember the medieval scene from Episode 1? Well, they FINALLY connected it to the main narrative as the two end up on the same tower as medieval Grif and Simmons. And the two get arrested... WELP.

Review

This episode has had a lot of mixed reception so far. I haven’t seen anyone hate it, but many were disappointing. It’s understandable why. After all the hype, it was really just about a dumb joke. A very well shot dumb joke, but a dumb joke. There’s still so little about the plot we know, nothing advanced any further here, the episode was incredibly short, and it’s still unclear what all of this is leading us to. We’re on Episode 7 and no progress has been made. I think so far Joe has the opposite problem he had last year. Last year, he rushed it because he only has done season. This year he has more than one, but due to it he slowed down. A little too much maybe. This coming off the heels of last week’s O’Malley plot bomb and... yeah I don’t blame people in being disappointed and viewing this as completely pointless.

I didn’t know how to feel during the first viewing... but when watching ti again to write this review, I was laughing so much. I got a LOT more enjoyment out of it. To be fair, I am always like that. I always like stuff on the second watch than the first one since I know what’s coming and I can better process it. And watching ti again... I don’t think that this was pointless at ll. There’s no major progression with the plot, and I agree that it’s been long enough. But... I got a lot out of this episode, even form Grif’s brief scene. Not just with the plot, but the work on this episode is truly impressive imo.

Before we talk about that, let's do Grif’s scene. It’s only about a minute long and the only machinimated scene. Yeah, 95% of the episode was CGI animated. But Grif’s scene, while brief, was good. I wish we saw a bit more follow-up on how he’s doing after O’Malley left him stranded, but him living off mushrooms I can buy. Him also going into denial over everything I can also buy. So not as much as I was hoping for with him, but good stuff that matches his character.

The scene’s actual importance is mainly setup for what’ll happen later. It also FINALLY gave us some time with Huggins’ since Episode 1. And OMG, I absolutely love her. Her rapid-fire dialogue is kind of hard to make out, but her actress did a good job at it. Huggins is cheerful, but serious about her job. She understands the importance of what’s coming but has to resort to breaking law since she’s in a position where otherwise, everyone is doomed. She’s cute, but also sassy as evident with her response when Grif calls her Tinkerbell (is that gonna be his nickname for her when he warms up to her? I want it to be!) Seriously I am already loving the interactions between Grif and Huggins and I am really excited to see more of it! Now how they’ll get out of the 6th Century IDK, but we’ll just have to wait.

Okay, back to the res tof the episode. As I said, pretty much the entire episode is CGI animated. it’s the first major CGI fight in the season, and it was awesome. Okay it was mostly running, but it was fun to watch. Tucker plowing the Warthog into Gus was freakin’ badass. The voice acting was also on point. I have never laughed harder at Jason Saldana’s performance than I have today and Becca continues to crush it as Sister. Seriously, going all Xena with the ‘alalala!’ war-cry had me dying. An ProZD as Atus... OMG ProZD. He was fantastic in this episode and it added so much to Atlus as a character. Like he is just enjoying the show and is so unimpressed with Tucker and Sister even when they win. His animation where he’s just celebrating watching Gus winning was also so freakin’ fantastic and again, dds to the character. Seriously, I wasn’t sure what to think of Atlus before, but he has already become one of my fav RvB villain ever after this episode alone.

So onto Gus... I have no idea how Joe talked him into this. I mean he’s done worst and IDT anything will be as bad as when he did the Baby Gus RT Short. That short man... anyways! I think Gus did really well! It felt like he was truly interacting with the environment. He didn’t have to do much acting aside form grunting and going around wildly, but it felt like he was playing a monstrous cyclops. Credit also to Joe and his directing. I don’t know what inspired him to do this, but OMG I am so glad he did. I mean it looks weird and it’s ridiculous.., but it’s RvB. It’s always been weird and ridiculous. Plus using live action again sells the effect that the cyclops is a monster compared to what we’re used to with the machinima. It sold the effect really well. So kudos to Joe and to Gus because shooting this and then editing it in had to be a nightmare. 

It’s why I don’t think the episode was at all pointless. I mean we DO have some minor things. We find out that Kalirama is Atlus’ sister, the villain is indeed a locked up time God, get a taste of how powerful the Cosmic Powers forces are, have some characterization for Atlus, setup for Grif and Huggins’ plot, an actual fight scene after so long, and it FINALLY ties in the medieval scene. It’s also huge on a cinematic scale, which is probably why it’s only 7 minutes. I mean Joe and his team had to fully animate the episode, shoot Gus’ scenes where he’s pretty much just interacting with air, combined the footage together, likely do re-shoots if the live action was even slightly off, edit it all together with the machinima, and... yeah. This was likely a huge pain in the ass to do for everyone involved. But I appreciate that they did. Joe is going above and beyond what he has to do. he could just do solely machinima and it would be fine. But he’s trying new things, implementing more CGI, and taking the show to the next level. Is it a hit? That's for one to decide on their own. I think it worked here, but I don’t think they should regularly implement live action as they did. Special occasions are fine though. But I still appreciate Joe trying things and putting in the effort when he doesn't have to. He wants to make the show as good as he can, and I can absolutely respect that.

Final Thoughts

Did they hype this one too much? Maybe a little. It was not what I was expecting at all. But I don’t think that’s a bad thing. Again, I appreciate them going out of their way to do this. Plus the animation, dialogue, and voice acting were really good. Can I understand why people don’t like this episode and are getting weary of the season? Absolutely yes. I do hope that Joe starts to speed up the plot soon. But I still had a fun time watching the episode, and in the end, that’s what matters: having a good time. It was weird and ridiculous and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

#rvb #rvb16 #rvb16 spoilers #rvb reviews

[pkmnjesus]

My experience/review watching Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You! in theaters (NO SPOILERS)

The day has finally come...I WAS LOOKING FOWARD TO THIS ALL WEEK! After it was first announced in December 2016 that the 20th Pokémon movie would be paying homage to Ash’s origins, I GOT SUPER EXCITED! I was always updated with the news surrounding this film, and got excited every time new information came out (despite some negative reaction by some fans). You can tell by searching through my blog archive...so I pre-ordered the tickets by September, and got the earliest showing with the best seats in the house!

When the day finally came (which was yesterday lol), I got my good ol’ high school buddy to go with me, who was a fan of Pokémon and the anime. Of course, it was a special premiere day, and had to dress for the occasion by wearing my Ash Kalos hat, and the original Team Rocket shirt.

Now for my thoughts on the movie...is it my favorite out of all Pokémon movies? Nope, but it’s definitely up there! First off let me just say, that THERE ARE SOOOO MANY EASTER EGGS (a.k.a. past anime/movie references) IN THIS MOVIE! When I get the Blu-ray copy for this (hopefully there is one?), I will be going back to multiple scenes pausing so many shots!

Anyway, the movie overall was really awesome and a fun adventure to watch! It was (as advertised) a retelling of Ash’s journey starting out as a Pokémon trainer, and his road to becoming a Pokémon Master. The ultimate goal in this movie was to see Ho-Oh after it left its Rainbow Wing for Ash to pick up. To be honest, I’m not really sure if majority of the movie even takes place in the Kanto region o_O A couple nostalgic scenes were re-done beautifully, and teary :’( Some of those scenes really took me back to my childhood watching the old episodes in my VHS player. It wasn't exactly as portrayed in the canon anime, which makes this alternative universe really interesting to think about Ash’s journey. The most notable thing I would have to say about this movie is Charmander’s development. It’s really surprising how different it is from the disobedient one we knew when it evolved as a Charmeleon. At one point of the movie (I won’t say much), Ash really did something UNCHARACTERISTIC of him that really caught me off guard with his Pokémon and friends. Then again this is an AU, so I shouldn't be surprised if his attitude is not exactly like the character I grew up with. Definitely keep your eyes on it when watching!

One of my favorite parts was definitely towards the climax when Ash was is in this BIZARRE but familiar environment that really didn’t seem to fit when you usually watch Pokémon (you’ll have to see it to find out). Again SO MANY REFERENCES caught my eye during that scene, and it doesn't just apply to Pokémon. But I’m pretty sure what EVERYONE in the theater was shocked about, EVEN ME, was what happened between Ash and Pikachu at the very end of the film...very touching and very cute is all I can say. One final thing I would like to say is THE ENDING + CREDITS SCENE WAS A BLESSING. I WILL NEED TO GIF THOSE WHEN THE DVD COMES OUT (ᗒᗨᗕ)

As for the characters, the main supporting stars take spotlight! Verity and Sorrel...LOVE THEM! A lot of people might say how rushed their characters were rushed, but it was a 90+ minute movie and they could only do so much. Ash is the main star, and most of the story should revolve around him, so I honestly think both they had enough time to show off who they are, and what their purpose is in the film. Besides both of them being from Sinnoh, Sinnoh Confirmed their backstories...OH MY GOD BRO! I may got spoiled beforehand why Verity was traveling alone with her Piplup (this Piplup really gave me a lot of vibes similar to Dawn’s Piplup), but I DID NOT anticipate one of Sorrel’s flashback scenes which pretty much broke everyone’s heart in the cinema including mine (it’s still sad thinking about it ಥ_ಥ). Both have solid goals, although Verity’s seems to be more of a personal issue she wants to avoid. Also you definitely have to pay attention to Verity’s scenes since her personal issue with a certain someone wasn't directly given to the audience nor even Ash and Sorrel...just pay attention to detail 👀 Oh yeah, and if you’re a shipping type of person (multishippers to be exact), there’s definitely some cute scenes that Verity has with her companions ;) It just makes me wish that Verity and Sorrel can be future canon traveling partners because all three have great chemistry in the movie together as friends, even though if it was just for a short period. Their Ho-Oh adventure/journey is what really made them close.

Although Team Rocket’s involvement was very minimal in the movie, and was really there for comic relief background, it made me happy that they didn’t really interfere with the main storyline of Ash’s quest to find Ho-Oh. Ash and Pikachu developed well without their involvement, and writers probably didn’t want to put too much time giving a battle scene with them. Sure, I wish they could be used better, but better have them there than not at all right? They were still lovable as always with their goofy antics shown throughout the movie.

Cross, who served to be the big bad rival in the movie, really proved himself to be a real jerk. He is a bit like Paul, only thing is that Cross is more aggressive with his claims. He’s the type of trainer who is a self-centered brat and believes everything should go his way or else he does things by force. He does share a similarity with Ash though, but I’m not saying what it is since it is a spoiler. He served as the Alolan flavor of this movie since he was the only one carrying Gen. VII Pokémon. On the other hand we have the cute but mysterious new Pokémon, Marshadow that actually plays a bigger role in the movie than what you initially thought of. You’d think it’s just there all the time in the background, but you know something is going on as it lurks everywhere throughout the film.

Now there really isn’t that much to say about Bonjī since he only appears at the later part of the movie. I just wish that the old man had more of a backstory and a reason why he was chasing Ho-Oh all his life. Speaking of which, I was happy that the all of the Legendary Beasts get their big screen spotlight along with Ho-Oh. The other thing I wish was that we get to see what really happened with Ho-Oh in the end since the epic final battle of the movie was a bit questionable.

At the end of the day, me and my friend had such a blast! We even got the promotional TCG card of Ash’s Pikachu (FYI this is a really useful card in competitive play if you play the TCG) We both have A LOT of disagreements when it comes to the Pokémon anime, but both of us really loved and enjoyed the movie. Funny story, there were these 4 girls probably around my age (fangirls to be exact) beside me who were absolutely having a blast watching the movie. They screamed out of joy, shouted when Cross was being an ass, squealed in cute moments, cried in the sad moments, and basically were really into the scenes and characters like singing the Pokémon theme song at the beginning of the movie. Annoying? Yes, but I can’t really blame if they had a good time, and I think that’s the most important thing when you watch things you love with friends to share the moments with (though they probably could have toned it down a bit...I’m sure they were self-aware they were loud). My friend couldn't stand them, but I just tried to distract him with my noise since I didn’t want to ruin the girls’ fun time beside me. Plus I was a bit talkative too in several scenes of the film. Honestly I wanted to shout at the beginning of the movie because I WAS THAT HYPED, but didn’t want to embarrass my friend :p *Shoutout to the girl with the Charmander plush beside me at the AMC Fullerton theater if you’re reading this xD Hope you didn’t get too much tears on your plush from some emotional scenes in the movie (⋟﹏⋞)

The ultimate question is, should you go see this movie?

ABSOLUTELY! If you’re just a casual fan who doesn’t really keep up with the anime or movies after the original, you probably wouldn’t enjoy this movie that much. But I would say still watch it if you really love Pokémon! I count each movie as its own thing because none of them are really canon with the main series storyline. Movie 20 really stands out on its own because of how different it is from the rest, notably Ash’s journey getting a brand new fresh reboot, and the fact that there really isn’t an antagonist here who is trying to “rule the world” by getting an enormous power or whatever. This movie was a celebration of what the series has accomplished over the past 20 years.

However, this is just my opinion, and everyone has different tastes. All I’m saying is that you’ll only know how you truly feel when you see it! If you ask me, the best review of this movie is YOUR REVIEW. And from what I’m seeing, it really makes me happy to hear most of you guys are seeing it in theaters, and saying how much you enjoyed it. Let's support a great movie with a great dub! If you can’t, you can always wait for the DVD release and support them that way! If you want to watch the original Japanese version with English subtitles, be sure to buy the DVD too! Just support any way you can to show your appreciation and love for the Pokémon franchise.

As for my thoughts on spoilers, I will keep that to myself for the time being probably until a couple of weeks after the DVD release...will probably be making some GIFs or reblogging posts about it since I’m always late to the GIF making game LOL! However if you want to chat about it, feel free to message me OR join my Discord server and chat about it with other people who have seen the movie under the spoiler channel: https://discord.gg/mVSgxbp

Welp that was a long post! I’m pretty sure I have some text/grammar errors here, but whatever I’m tired and I want to get this posted already ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ My next long post will probably be my 2017 PokéAni highlights...’til then, PEACE

#PokeAni #Pokemon #Pokemon anime #Pokemon movie #Movie 20 #Pokemon the Movie: I Choose You! #Pokemon the movie 20 #Pokemon movie 20 #Ash Ketchum #Satoshi #Pikachu #Marshadow #Cross #Souji #Makoto #Verity #Sorrel #Bonjī #Team Rocket #Anipoke #Movie review #NO SPOILERS #My experience #I love Pokemon #<3

[stuckinthekookiejar]

Therapy pt 2 (final)

Pt. 1 || Pt. 2 (final)

Yoongi x Reader

Genre: Angst/Fluff

Summary: You were there for him when he needed you, but now it seemed like the tables have turned.

Word Count: 3470

A/N: I have just realized that “paksanim” is the correct way to refer to a doctor....so I will be using that instead of “songsaengnim”

A sigh left your lips. He may have been light on his feet, but you could still hear every single one of his steps behind you. You tried your best to not mind him, but after walking for what felt like miles you couldn’t take it anymore,

“Why are you following me?” You stopped and turned to face him. He looked at you with a concerned expression as if he was like a father worrying for his child which was funny considered you were much older than him,

“It’s late...and it could be dangerous...you did have some beer earlier and...”

“Yoongi-ssi, do you think I can get wasted that easily?” You scoffed, “Look, I appreciate the gesture, but I can walk home by myself.” 

Before you could leave, Yoongi ran over to you and grabbed your arm gently, “Paksanim, wait...” He paused, trying to think of what to say, before continuing, “What happened back there on the roof? Why’d you leave so suddenly?”

"I just...I just felt tired, that’s all. Tomorrow’s schedule is full of appointments, so I have to get up early tomorrow.” That was a total lie. You only had two appointments, but you needed an excuse to get away.

The grip on your wrist tightened. He obviously noticed the wavering in your breath, “I’m not stupid. I can tell that something must’ve been wrong back there...perhaps...was it Jae...”

“Yoongi-ssi.” You slipped your arm out of his grasp, “I’m fine, alright? Tell the others that I’m sorry I left early. Now have a good night.” 

Yoongi watched as you quickly retreated down the empty sidewalk while combing a hand frustratingly through his hair. He wanted to talk to you, he wanted to open what you locked so carefully, he wanted to see the real you...the you that screamed for help... But he didn’t know how. 

Yoongi thought deeply as he made his way back to the apartments. In his mind, he reviewed all the ways on how you helped him and maybe, he thought, that somehow he could use those same methods to comfort you. When he was in a time of need, you were always there. Even when he didn’t have an appointment with you on a certain day, he would always be welcome to phone your office. When he did have an appointment, he’d always pour out all his stresses and worries to you and you’d be right there with open ears and a shoulder to lean on. You managed to crack him open and he wanted to do the same. 

Then a light bulb flashed in his mind. He finally figured out what he had wanted.

Every muscle in your body felt tight...well...you haven’t moved out of your chair in a while. Today was a slow day with only a couple of appointments, and you’d go home if there weren’t anymore but of course, a patient of yours just had to book an appointment later in the evening. 

“Y/N-paksanim.” Se Yeon, your receptionist popped her head from behind the slightly ajar door, “Someone came in...he said that he’s a walk in?”

In your chair, you straightened out from your slumped posture, “Walk in? Don’t be silly, we don’t accept walk ins.”

“I know, but he said he’s an exception.”

“Se Yeon, you can’t just let a random person come in and let them say that they’re a walk in and accept it. You gotta stand your...” 

“S-Sir you can’t just...” The door was forced open and Se Yeon welped as the “walk in” walked in. If he had been any other person, you would have called the cops on him, but he wasn’t just any other person. You stood up, your jaw hanging with surprise,

“Se Yeon...you may leave, I know who this man is.” She nodded and left the two of you alone. Your eyes followed as you watched him saunter over to the sitting area and take a seat in your white chair,

“Yoongi-ssi...what are you doing here?”

“I’m here because I figured out a way for you to repay me. I want to have a consultation...of course it has to be on the house.” 

“You know, a text message or a phone call in advance would have been preferable.” The heels of your shoes tapped against the ground as you walked over to where Yoongi was, “Didn’t I tell you last night that I had packed schedule today?” 

You stuck with your lie because you didn’t want to look like a fool for lying about it in the first place.

“Well, it seems to me that you aren’t that busy right now. I’m sure you can fit me in your so called ‘packed schedule’.” 

He smirked mentally telling you that he knew that you lied about being busy. During your consultations 11 years ago, you quickly learned that Yoongi was pretty good at reading people. You should have known that he would’ve been able to see through you. 

“Fine. I can do the free consultation. But you have to get out of my seat.” An entire minute passed by as you waited for him to move, but Yoongi didn’t budge, “...Do you want a consultation or not?”

“I do, but not for me.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I want a consultation...for you.”

“For me?” You laughed, “Who am I supposed to consult? Myself?”

“No. There is a reason as to why I’m sitting in your chair, Paksanim.”

It didn’t take you long to realize what he had meant, “So you’re saying that you’re going to consult me?”

“Yeah. That is exactly what I’m saying.”

“Yoongi-ssi, I don’t think you have the training or the degree to be a psychiatrist.”

“Please, just go with it. You’re the one who insisted on paying me back and me consulting you is what I want. You have no right to complain.”

Deep down in your brain you knew he was right. It was you who insisted and it was you who told him that you would do anything, so you did have no right to complain. Compliant to his request, you laid down on the leather lounge across from him and stared into the blank ceiling. It was weird laying there in the place where your patients would normally be. 

“So, Y/N-paksanim, since this is our first consultation why don’t you tell me a little bit about yourself.” You snorted at the way Yoongi changed his tone of voice to sound more as if he were you...except with a deeper pitch of course. 

Even though you thought that this was a ridiculous idea, you decided to go along with it.The next appointment was scheduled to take place about an hour and a half from now, and you were bored. Plus this was Yoongi’s request, so it was like hitting two birds with one stone,

“Well...my name is Y/F/N...I’m...uh....” Your heart started to beat faster as you hesitated on revealing your age. You knew that Yoongi knew that you were much older than him, “I’m...39...” 

Yoongi didn’t seem fazed at all at the 8 year gap that stood between the two of you. But then again, why would he be fazed? It wasn’t like you two were dating or even actual friends...

“And I’m a psychiatrist who is being consulted by someone who is not a psychiatrist.”

“Are you questioning my psychiatrist-ing?”

“Psychiatristing? Yoongi-ssi, I don’t think that’s a word.”

“Tsk, snyways, has anything in your life been bothering you? Stressing you? Perhaps a relationship or...”

“Yoongi-ssi...” You sat up and sighed, “Why are you really here?”

“I’m here because I want to consult you. You seemed really stressed so I thought you might...you know...need someone to talk to.”

“I’m fine, thank you for the concern, but I really am okay.”

“Paksanim, I can tell that you aren’t okay. I know what it looks like when someone isn’t okay and I’m sure as hell that you should know what it looks like too.” 

You remained silent, 

“I know what it’s like to build up walls. I know what it’s like to keep your mouth shut afraid of being a burden. I shut myself in my own cage, but you taught me how to unlock it.

You need to talk about your problems, Paksanim. You more than anyone should know that talking things out will be liberating. It worked for stubborn ol’ me.”

His words touched you in a way that cracked your walls even more...to the point of crumbling. For some reason, tears started to stream down your face. You weren’t sobbing, but the tears were just falling out on their own. Beside you, you felt a dip in the lounge chair and a pair of arms awkwardly wrap around you. 

“If you don’t wanna talk about it right now, then it’s alright...but just know that I’ll always be available if you need someone to talk to.”

“Thank you...” you muttered into his shoulder. Then you realized just how close you were to him and your face got so warm that you could have fried an egg on it. You squirmed out of the embrace, “I...I’m sorry...I didn’t know what came over me...” You wiped away at your own tears with embarrassment.

“No, don’t apologize. It’s okay to just let it out.”

“Alright...I think I can talk now...”

You sniffled and laid back down as he retook his spot on the white chair. Yoongi settled in his chair while you took a deep breathe and prepared to recall the painful memories,

“I guess my problems started with him...”

“Him?”

“Jae Hee-ssi."

Yoongi thought for a second rubbing a finger against his chin. His mouth formed an O when he realized something, “He’s your prosecutor boyfriend!” 

A sorrowful snort left your lips as you recalled the time last week when you thought that some random guy had kidnapped you. Of course, that ‘random guy’ turned out to be Yoongi, but you didn’t know it at the time so you threatened him by screaming that your boyfriend was a prosecutor. 

“Actually, he’s my prosecutor ex.” By Yoongi’s hesitance in speech, you could tell that he felt bad for blatantly bringing him up, but whether you liked it or not Jae Hee would always be a part of the problem, 

“Jae Hee-ssi and I...we knew each other back in our college years. He was a sunbae of mine and to be very honest I can count the amount of times we actually hung out by using just my fingers on one hand alone. After college we went our separate ways...he studied to become a prosecutor and I went to graduate school to become a psychiatrist. It just so happened that we had a class reunion three years....that was when we saw each other again.”

You remembered that night. It was at a restaurant where your old group of university friends decided to have a mini reunion. You weren’t really in the mood to go out and have fun, though, since during that time your mother’s cancer had come back stronger than ever. Stress was piling on top of you and all you wanted to do was cry in the corner by yourself. Then at some point during the get-together, one of your drunken friends blurted out about how Jae Hee supposedly had a major crush on you during college and soon after, everyone decided to file out of the restaurant leaving you and Jae Hee alone. You didn’t really know how or why at the time, but through all the awkwardness you let Jae Hee take a small place in your heart. You were stressed and over worked during that time of your life and you had no one to lean on, but then you were given an opportunity to finally be able to rely on someone else for a change...so you took it. You were that desperate.

“He was sweet and all, but it changed about two years into our relationship after he solved that serial murder case. You know...the one that was all over the news?” 

Of course Yoongi had remembered. About a year ago, every single news channel covered the story about how an elusive serial killer was finally put in jail. This particular case had been difficult since the perpetrator had the means to cover up his trail, but the leading prosecutor on the case, Jae Hee, was able to piece together enough evidence to lock him up forever. Jae Hee had been hailed a national hero and thus became a wide spread symbol of justice throughout South Korea.

“Jae Hee-ssi...he changed when the fame hit him. Everyone knew his face and his face wasn’t particularly ugly. He was offered promotional roles for certain companies, and he got a position as a panelist on a television show. He went out late, he partied, he drank, he probably slept around for all I know...and he lied all about it of course. He claimed he was drinking with his higher ups, but I knew it was all bullshit.

And what was even worse, was that I stayed with him...even tough I knew he was lying to my face.”

“Did you love Jae Hee-ssi that much?” 

“Well, my mother...she had always wanted me to have a happy little family. That was her dream. She never thought of herself; she always put me first even in her dreams. And around the time when all that shit was happening, I was told that my mom was most likely going to lose her battle...I couldn’t just let her dream go. She loved Jae Hee-ssi as if he were her own son and if I left him...if I broke up our ‘happy little family’ I was terrified that I’d let my mother down. Her days were numbered, and so I decided to put up with Jae Hee-ssi’s shit for my mother.” 

A small trickle of dampness slid down the sides of temples. Yoongi passed you a tissue which you gratefully took in your shaking hand to wipe away your tears,

“It was our 1000 day anniversary and oddly enough Jae Hee-ssi hadn’t been going out late or drinking during the weeks prior. I thought that the Jae Hee-ssi I knew was back. He’d even drop by my office and pick me up after work...sometimes he’s treat me to dinner. I thought that we could be that ‘happy little family’ again. 

I decided that I’d whip up something for dinner since we hadn’t had a meal together in such a long time. I was really excited too...but when I got home from the grocery store after work...he wasn’t alone. There was another pair of shoes, and funny enough, I recognized them. I should’ve been a bit more suspicious when my then receptionist decided to stay at the office later than usual that night, but I was too blinded by excitement to care. 

I found them in our bed doing what you’re probably imagining and instead of yelling I bolted right out of there and straight to the hospital. My mom was fast asleep when I got there which was fortunate because then I’d have to explain my tear stained face and strained sobs to her.

In the morning I acted as if everything was okay...I lied to her about the dinner...I told her how wonderful it was and that I’d bring some of the left overs for her next time since she missed my cooking...but there would never be a next time. 

She passed away the next day. I called Jae Hee-ssi, messaged him, pleaded for him to come at least be there. My mother loved him so much, but he never showed up. Not for her last moments, not even for her wake or funeral...during the entire time when I felt like needed someone, even if it was Jae Hee-ssi, he wasn’t there. Where was Jae Hee-ssi? He was probably with that bitch.”

Yoongi let out a deep sigh, “Damn. He sounds like a huge douche.”

"That’s ‘cause he is a huge douche.” You laughed for bit, before opening your eyes which was glossed over with nostalgia and sadness, “But he’s a douche that I can’t get out of my mind, and I don’t know why.”

“Do you still love him?”

Something like a pathetic chuckle left your lips, “I mean....I don’t know...I don’t think so....”

“Well, what attracted you to him?”

A lump formed in the back of your throat when he asked you that question. No one had really asked you about it, and you never thought about why yourself. When your mind finally gave you the answer...it only made you realize the amount of desperation and self pity that you truly had. It dawned on you that the problem didn’t start with Jae Hee...

Jae Hee wasn’t a patient of yours... 

“He was a friend I met in college...” 

Jae Hee wasn’t years younger than you...

“He’s older than me by only a year...”

Jae Hee’s personality was even similar at the time....

“...and in the beginning he was sweet, and humble, and hard-working...”

He was the perfect candidate to replace the crush that was bound to your heart...the old crush you had on Yoongi...

“He was just my type.”

The problem was sparked by Jae Hee, but it started with Yoongi. 

You didn’t need to find someone to lean on. You needed to find Yoongi to lean on. But because you couldn’t have him, you settled with the second best choice. You couldn’t forget Jae Hee because losing Jae Hee meant losing the one thing that let you forget about your seemingly hopeless crush on Yoongi. You never thought that you were that pathetic until now. 

“There are other fish in the sea, Paksanim, much more better fish than him. You’ll find someone else who’s your type and then you’ll forget all about that douche bag.”

A hopeless smile crept up the side of your face, “I don’t think that’ll work.”

“Why not?”

You let out a wavering breath as you decided to just admit the truth out loud, “Because I think the real reason why I got with Jae Hee-ssi in the first place was because I wanted to forget...” 

The door creaked open and Se Yeon popped her head in, “Sorry to interrupt, but I just wanted to let you know that the next appointment is in 10 minutes.” You gave her an okay and she quietly shut the door. 

You and Yoongi got up from out of your chairs and you stretched having felt like a giant weight had been lifted off from your shoulders. Even though your profession consisted of you listening, you never really talked about yourself.  Yoongi was right, talking did really help. 

The next appointment was nearing, and so Yoongi lingered by your door preparing to leave, 

“Thank you, Yoongi-ssi. I think that consultation really helped me out.”

“It’s no problem, I’m glad I could help. But...you didn’t finish what were going to say earlier...who did you want to forget?”

“Mmm, I guess that’s another story for another time.” 

Yoongi smirked, “Another time? Does this mean you’d be willing to set up weekly consultations with me?” 

For some reason, the thought of meeting with him again after repaying him never came across your mind. So when Yoongi mentioned a follow up, those old butterflies whizzed around in your stomach just as it did 11 years ago,

“But I was thinking...” Yoongi continued, “...instead of the office, maybe we could have a change of venue? Perhaps we could have a consultation...over dinner at a restaurant or my place?"

“Sure, as long as it’s not at the bar.” You laughed trying to hide your nervousness and excitement.

A knock came from the other side of the door and once again Se Yeon poked her head in, “Your next patient is here Y/N-paksanim.” You nodded telling her that you’d finish up soon. 

Yoongi realized that he had exhausted his stay, and that you needed to work so he was halfway out the door but not without a smile, “I’ll see you next week then?” 

“Yeah, I’ll see you then...Yoongi-paksanim.” That last remark made him chuckle and he slowly left, wanting to extend the time he spent with you for as long as possible.

Yoongi never believed in therapy until he met you. You were the one who healed him, the one that gave him hope. You were his therapy, and now he’d forever be yours.

BONUS

Imagine this is Yoongi when he asks you out for another ‘consultation’ (aka a dinner date, cuz he’s too shy to call it a date)

Gifs not mine, creds to the owners

#requested #bts #bts scenario #bts scenarios #bts yoongi #bts yoongi scenarios #bts yoongi fluff #bts yoongi scenario #bts yoongi angst #bts min yoongi #bts min yoongi angst #bts min yoongi scenario #bts min yoongi fluff #yoongi #min yoongi #bts suga scenario #bts suga #bts suga angst #bts suga fluff #yoongi fluff #yoongi angst #yoongi scenarios #min yoongi angst #min yoongi fluff #min yoongi scenarios #suga #suga scenarios #suga fluff #suga angst #bangtan sonyeondan

[theclacks]

Buffy - Season One/Two Thoughts

So I started watching Buffy for the first time ever after the big media buzz around its 20th Anniversary. Season One was good. Halfway through Season Two it was AMAZING and I thought “hmmm... maybe I should’ve been doing episode reviews/thoughts.” And then I thought, there’s no way I’m going to stop and take the time between every episode to write out things. Plus, I’d already gotten far enough that I’d either a) have to backtrack or b) be satisfied with starting 30 episodes in.

But I still wanted to record my reactions because honestly this show is great and I haven’t sucked into one like this since... IDK, Steven Universe? But I was pretty much spoiled for everything in Steven Universe, and there’s a big difference between 700 minutes of content on the backlog (SU) and 6480 minutes of content (Buffy).

So, compromise = end of season thoughts. I’ll share everything I knew going into that season, the stuff I didn’t know, and reactions/feelings/whatever.

Season One

Keeping this short since this isn’t a true in-the-moment recap.

I don’t think there was anything majorly shocking or surprising. I knew going in that Angel was a vampire. Honestly the most hilarious thing about that was characters going “omg how could anyone love a vampire?” compared to (out of canon) just knowing the Twilight craze that came a decade after.

The villains weren’t really all that memorable. I think Darla was the best one and even she was “eh.” But I think Joss realized his mistake and DEFINITELY fixed that in the next season.

I was almost certain that they were going to keep Cordelia as the catty school enemy, and I loved her and I was fine with that, but slowly pulling her into the gang like they did in the final episode was even more awesome and I didn’t see that coming.

Oh, also Principle Flutie. THAT was the one major shocking moment for me. They ATE the fucking principal.

Overall fun and bantering with a gang saves the day attitude and a somewhat overarching plot. Just the kind of show I’d been searching to get into for the past several months.

Season Two

Oh my god.

Oh my god.

So, going in no particular order. Jenny’s death. Uggggggh, I can’t believe I spoiled myself for Jenny’s death. I went to check something on her wiki page a couple episodes into Season One and right there at the top it said “STATUS: DECEASED” and I was like... welp.

BUT, I didn’t think that it was going to happen so early. Well, I didn’t know until the episode started and then ALL OF THE FORESHADOWING SIGNS started screaming at me. Especially when Giles asked her what she was doing and she was like “i’ll tell you later.” NEVER EVER EVER DO THAT. THAT’S LIKE -20 POINTS TO YOUR LIFE EXPECTANCY. So I suspected during the chase sequence, but didn’t know and then the neck snap and yeah.

Although I think even more painful than that was Giles finding her body later. Like I cringed. I straight up cringed. Also the part in that same episode when Angel tells Buffy’s mom "i haven’t slept since we made love” just hit so many really bad memory buttons for me, like, DAMN everyone did their research here on creepy dudes because it really hit close to home.

Which, taking a back step...

I knew Angel was a vampire going in. I did NOT know he was going to lose his soul. So that completely blind-sided me, but it was also perfect timing? Like I used to watch the show Merlin, and I really liked Merlin but I HAAAAATED it too because it was always so afraid to change the main dynamic: Merlin keeps his powers secret because Arthur hates magic. Like FIVE FULL SEASONS of near misses and almost status quo changes and it was so frustrating.

Buffy season 2 was the opposite of that in a painful but narratively awesome way. The second things started to get compliant, they got switched up.

Spike takes care of Dru for a long time? Welp, now an organ fell on him and it’s Dru taking care of Spike.

Buffy and Angel get increasingly cuter and cuter with their makeout sessions for a long time? Welp, now he lost his soul and he’s evil again.

Spike, Dru, and Angel for an unholy trinity? Welp, now Spike’s getting jealous and OH MY GOD HE’S TEAMING UP WITH BUFFY.

Which, that’s the other thing, I know Spike and Buffy eventually work together. I know they are like THE pairing (and they were actually the pairing I went in expecting to ship, expecting that I’d probably go ho-hum at Buffy/Angel and now I just love them BOTH) so yeah, spoilers. But I had no idea how fast or slow that was going to happen. Whether it’d be one season, two seasons, three seasons before the first alliance, so for that to happen so quickly and be so blasé (”I’M IN A BAND. A ROCK BAND WITH SPIKE HERE.” “RIGHT. SHE PLAYS THE... THE TRIANGLE.”) it was unexpectedly amazing.

What else... oh, the final ending with Angel getting his soul back right before Buffy kills him. I knew that was going to be happen, not from spoilers, but because that’s where the episode was naturally headed. I didn’t know whether his soul would get restored in time for a full reunion scene or if it was going to be like a split-second instant thing of recognition AS Buffy impaled him. It ended up being the “full reunion scene” and it was painful. Not Doomsday/Bad Wolf Bay painful from Doctor Who, but close enough. And it probably would’ve been close to that painful if I didn’t know that Angel ends up getting a spin-off series...

...which is also painful to think about? Because if he’s in that spin-off series, that means he won’t be a regular on Buffy, meaning they won’t be together even if they meet up again. So this is where I start speculating because I DO NOT KNOW WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN.

Buffy and Angel HAVE to meet up again. They HAVE to. But then something will happen to tear them apart again? Maybe the caveat of the curse is the same, he can’t truly be happy or he’ll re-re-lose his soul? So they stay away from each other to keep Angel safe? Or something? Which honestly, that’s just going to be a whole ‘nother level of hurt and I both love and hate this show for causing me pain.

But yeah, back to the whole Merlin comparison. Over the course of this season, Angel went darkside then got sent to hell, Spike and Dru were both introduced as big bads and sort of un-became big bads, Jenny straight up died, Buffy’s mom found out about the charade, Buffy herself just straight up ran away and SKIPPED TOWN, and obviously she’s going to come back at the start of the next season... but it’s like, that experience is gonna change a girl. I honestly can’t wait to start season three (not tonight, gotta let the finale soak in), so I’ll end with a few stray thoughts:

- Oz is awesome (also WHAT, seth green?!?!). I had no idea he was going to be the werewolf in the werewolf episode. I’m so glad he quickly lost the facial hair he had in his debut episode.

- Kendra was amazing and she died way, WAY too soon. Although her death did give Spike another amazing line “Dru bagged a slayer?! :D”

- Dru herself. I had no idea who she was going in, other than she was some ally of Spike’s. I loved the power switch halfway through once she got her strength back. I love that Angel made both her and Spike and how they got their twisted little family back and everything was moonbeams and sparkle-blood at first but quickly devolved into jealously and domestic fighting... because as much as they saw each other as family, Angel’s had his soul for much, MUCH longer than the three were ever together. really it was only 20 years of Dru/Spike/Angel family and 100 years of just Dru/Spike family, so.... yeah. naturally things were going to fall apart after the initial honeymoon phase

- I loved how the 1955 Sadie Hawkins dance episode felt like it was just going to be another MOTW episode and then Buffy and Angel both got possessed and it was awesome

- That one part in the ep with the vampire groupies when Angel’s like “THIS IS NOT HOW VAMPIRES DRESS” and then a boy walks past wearing Angel’s exact outfit. That part

#buffy the vampire slayer #meta thoughts #clacks from theclacks

[topicprinter]

Hi everyone! We have just published an article on Failory written by Amir Rajan, in which he tells the story behind his mobile game, called “A Dark Room”, which hit #1 on the App Store and grossed over $800,000. Sit down and read his success story. I hope you enjoy it and if you have any questions, I will happily answer them below. Sit back. This is gonna be a long one. TL;DR:Did the whole "get a degree, get a job" thing. Ended up being incredibly well paid, but horribly empty because of corporate America. Decided to rage quit, downsize (sell pretty much everything I own), and take a sabbatical. After binge coding on random crap, I partnered with a guy in Canada and ported a web based, incremental, text based game to iOS (A Dark Room iOS). Welp. It went viral and hit the #1 spot. That let me extend my sabbatical for another three years. I built four more games, none of which succeeded. Now I'm back in Corporate America (luckily only part time now... I make enough off my games and other assets to not have to work all year). The Long Version: Frustration:There is such a heavy dose of luck in success. There are those that will give one thousand percent, and because the roll of the dice wasn't perfect, nothing materializes. They have as much love for the game development as I have... they've worked as hard as I have... but just didn't get a kiss from Lady Luck. And it sucks. It just isn't fair that they want to create more than their next breathe, but can't catch a good break to devote time to it. They have to look over at those that have the privaledge to take multiple rolls of the dice, eat their cake and have it too, and if everything still fails, they get bailed out by mommy and daddy.I was one of the lucky ones. I saved up for ten years, and was able to role once. I hit lucky number eleven. And even then, I still find myself having to grind in a 9 to 5 yet again. Sometimes it's fine. Other times I feel like I should have never taken that sabbatical and remained ignorant of the pure joy that comes from putting yourself in a creation. Before Sabbatical:I did what you were supposed to do. Did well (really well) in school. Went to college. Got a degree in Software Engineering and Computer Science. Did internships and landed a job as a developer for an insurance company right out of college. I did that for three years (two years of internships, one year as a full time employee). I then went to work for a company that build veterinary software. Did that for a couple of years. I really really loved coding. Lived and breathed it. I interviewed at a prestigious consulting company and got in on the ground floor. Spent three years there only to be scooped up by another consulting powerhouse. So here I am with a disgusting $140,000 in total compensation. A sea of cubicals, souless sheep that want nothing more than to do their time and go home. I didn't belong cause I actually cared about my craft. I tried to compensate for my unfulfilling corporate work with open source development after hours. This put a toll on my familial relationships (spending 45 hours a week working, then trying to get another 30 hours on nights and weekends, doesn't leave much time for anything else). I was at the brink of collapse. Lose my sanity, my wife, or my job. I decided to get rid of the job. I liquidated my 401k savings (took all the tax penalties up front), and said "alright, gonna live off of this for as long as I can until I figure something out". During Sabbatical:It was great to breathe. I was 178 pounds at 5'8 (a little portly). That changed during the sabbatical. It took me three months just to figure out what my routine looked like. I'd code on whatever my heart desired. It was wonderful. I didn't even know what day it was. I didn't miss my stuff. I didn't miss the anxiety attacks I got Sunday nights before having to go to work. All of that gone. By month four I came across the web based version of A Dark Room. I immediately connected with its sparse presentation. I reached out the Michael and asked his permission to port it to mobile. That night I lost track of time. I blinked and it was 3am. I had never felt that kind of loss of time before. Nothing around me existed, it was just me and my creation. After another four months, A Dark Room was done and released to the App Store. It got a whopping thirty downloads the first day. I didn't care. Cause it was my creation and it was awesome. I redesigned so much of the original game. So much of me went into it. Oh and I dropped 30 pounds too. Best shape of my life.I still remember one of my happiest days. It was early January. I was working on a stupid little multiplayer fighting game written in JavaScript and Pixi.js. I didn't care that ADR was barely getting 10 downloads a day, I didn't care that my savings was dwindling away. I found what I was supposed to do (build digital, evocative experiences). Savings Dwindling:The party was over at this point. My savings was dwindling down. A Dark Room was making its meager two thousand downloads a month (after Apple's cut, taxes, and splits, that's not a lot of take home). I started interviewing again for a job. I was better mentally, physically. And I never want my wife's quality of live to suffer (she was still in college at the time). Being the main bread winner of the home, I knew I had to suck it up and go back to work. I wasn't okay with it, but I knew it was my responsibility. I was interviewing again for those big salaries. I would save as much as possible given my now humble lifestyle. After I had enough cash tucked away, I'd quit and try again. Then. A Dark Room went viral. Out of nowhere it made $800 in one day. Then it made $1,200 in one day. Then it made $5,000. Then it made $8,000. Then it hit the #1 spot and I woke up to a $20,000 sales report. A Dark Room at #1:A Dark Room stayed at the number one spot. I was elated the first day. I was on cloud nine the second day. Then reality reared its ugly face with a sobering message: "this will come to an end."So I waited for it to come to an end. I didn't sleep for 18 days. My life: was hitting the refresh button on the App Store, seeing if I had fallen. I'd do it every 3 hours on the hour, day or night. I did it for eighteen days. I read every review that came through. I'd refresh the page again and see if I had dropped. This was my life. I was waiting for all this success to end. 250,000 downloads later, A Dark Room finally fell from the #1 spot. It was over. From there sales dwindled. After another four months, I was down to 100 downloads a day. I had recouped what I had "spent" taking the sabbatical (and then some). My wife was tired of living in a cramped one bedroom apartment. So, we put a huge down payment on a house. After A Dark Room Fell:I built a prequel to A Dark Room called The Ensign. It did okay (nowhere near as successful.. but not bad... this was around the time I did my interview with Indie Hackers). I wrote a book about Surviving the App Store too. I put my heart and soul into a game inspired by Edwin Abbot's "Flatland: Romance of Many Dimensions" called A Noble Circle. I created a digital Go board after binge watching Hikaru no Go. I built a touched based mobile RTS called Mildly Interesting RTS (MIRTS for short). Every game had "me" in it. I didn't do ads, I didn't do micro-transactions, scummy energy bars, and all those other bullshit monetization tactics. I ported A Dark Room to Android (which was almost not worth it). I did everything to keep building games. I wrote about all of my journey, presented, did podcasts, hoping to inspire others. And yet revenue kept dwindling. The writing was on the wall. Everything I did after ADR wasn't enough. And I got a job. Now:So here I am. Updating all my games to work well on iPhone X. Because I love them. I try to build what I can in my free time. But I'm back in Corporate America (it's been ten months so far). Two months in, everything became too real. My journey as a game dev was really over. I got so frustrated. I purged everything online. Took the book down, deleted all of my Reddit entries, my developer logs, my open source games. I removed all of it. All the content I created felt like a lie. Cause even with all this "success", I couldn't keep my dream going. I felt so much worse off because I got a taste of a fulfilling life that I wish I had been ignorant to. It has been eight months since "The Purge". I'm much better now. Mostly invisible outside of already established relationships. I stream occasionally on Twitch, keep my games maintained, and work on new ones as time allows.I no longer deal with anxiety attacks Sunday nights at the thought of "clocking in" Monday morning. I'm at peace with it. The people I once called sheep, aren't that. They just didn't have the means to roll the dice. All code I see is beautiful in its own way. It tells a story of the resonable programmers put in unresonable situations. Again, I'm one of the lucky ones. Because maybe in another year, I'll have enough play money saved up to role the dice again. ‍Silver Lining:My games provide a stable passive income (and I have a decade worth of an emergency funds in the bank). A Dark Room recently hit the #2 spot overall on Google Play (pro tip: stick to iOS, the revenue is almost an order of magnitude better). More importantly, I've very recently acquired the platform that helped me create my labors of love: RubyMotion. So between my games, subscription revenue, and my well paying contract gigs, I do alright for myself. Thank you Lady Luck. And my sincerest, deepest apologies for the 99.9999% that will never see the "failure" I've seen. I really do empathize with you. And I wish I had a better story. ‍Numbers?I'm sure some of you are asking about numbers. Do you remember the title of this post? Do you remember what I said about the 99.9999% failure rate? Do your remember what I said about privaledge, and eating your cake and having it too? What's the point of talking about the numbers I'm making now? So you can dream about one day making these numbers too? You wont. Start with that and work from there.But if you really want numbers, here are some of the numeric sacrifices I made to role the dice once:Have a 4.0 GPA through High School.Graduate #36 out of a class of 800+.Go to a community college cause it's cheap.Work two jobs in the summer to pay for college and save up.Go to university in 2001 when it was still possible to pay out of pocket and graduate without crippling debt.Get a degree in something that is valued. Even better if you actually like what you got a degree in.Land a job right out of school that makes you $55k a year.Live off of $15k a year. Don't buy a house. Don't buy a fancy car. Just save.Do this for a year.Land a job that makes you $100k a year. Save the rest. Max out your 401k contribution.Celebrate by living off of $30k a year.Do this for three years.Land a job that makes you $140k a year. Save the rest. Max out your 401k contribution. Get a Roth, put $5k a year into that.Celebrate by living off of $60k a year.Do this for three years.Don't have kids. Don't get sick. Don't have any catastrophic events that leave you bankrupt. Probably best to just not leave the house.Quit your job. Sell everything. Liquidate your 401k. Pay all the tax penaties.Live without insurance cause COBRA costs $2000 a month. Still Don't have kids. Don't get sick. Don't have any catastrophic events that leave you bankrupt.Now you can take a year and a half off and roll the dice once. Now you can read all the success stories online and dream that you'll get that too.But you probably wont. And that's okay. ‍Original article posted at https://failory.com/battle-scars

#/r/entrepreneur #reddit

[junker-town]

The Ohio State vs. Michigan live blog: Buckeyes make it 6 in a row as Dwayne Haskins takes over for J.T. Barrett

The Buckeyes keep their Playoff hopes alive and beat Jim Harbaugh yet again despite a QB injury.

Fourth quarter

Ohio State 31, Michigan 20, final. With longtime starting QB J.T. Barrett out due to a right knee injury, redshirt freshman Dwayne Haskins oversaw three Ohio State scoring drives as the Buckeyes beat the Wolverines for the sixth year in a row. QB depth is the story; Michigan was on overwhelmed third-stringer John O’Korn for the entire day.

Ohio State has Wisconsin for the Big Ten Championship next week, and with a win there, would sit and wait to see whether it can become the first-ever two-loss team to make the Playoff (oh, like Ohio State hasn’t ever roared back to make the Playoff despite losing a QB against Michigan?). And thus continues a 365-day hollering fest about how overrated Jim Harbaugh is ... despite basically hitting season expectations amid QB injuries.

The box score was close across the board. Ohio State ran the ball a little better, once you take out sacks, and was a bit more efficient through the air. Michigan had one turnover, and Ohio State had none.

Ohio State 31, Michigan 20, 1:44. Mike Weber bounces it outside and takes it 25 yards for what’s almost certainly the door-slammer.

Ohio State 24, Michigan 20, 2:36. WELP. John O’Korn’s latest overthrow turned into a fair catchable INT. On the next snap, J.K. Dobbins took the ball 36 yards inside Michigan territory.

Ohio State 24, Michigan 20, 2:47. And here’s Michigan’s chance. A stop of Mike Weber on third-and-1 set up a Buckeye field goal, which sailed wide.

Ohio State 24, Michigan 20, 6:45. A threatening Michigan drive ends with yet another John O’Korn overthrow, this time on fourth down. The highlight of the drive was a 24-yard heave to Eddie McDoom. Wolverines might only get one more chance here.

Ohio State 24, Michigan 20, 10:15. A drive composed mostly of six Mike Weber runs and a 29-yard Dwayne Haskins completion to K.J. Hill ends with the day’s first field goal ... which was an issue for OSU in this game last year. Here was J.T. Barrett passing the torch to Haskins, at least for now:

Third quarter

Ohio State 21, Michigan 20, end. A big sack by Sam Hubbard killed Michigan’s response drive. To the fourth for it all.

Ohio State 21, Michigan 20, 1:34. Redshirt freshman Dwayne Haskins, replacing an injured J.T. Barrett, completed two passes and ran for a 22-yarder before J.K. Dobbins punched in the go-ahead.

Michigan 20, Ohio State 14, 5:53. The biggest news from this drive: OSU QB J.T. Barrett suffered some sort of knee injury while running. He was able to walk off under his own power, gingerly, but has currently been replaced by redshirt freshman Dwayne Haskins.

FOX

Michigan 20, Ohio State 14, 7:07. A John O'Korn screen to Kekoa Crawford put Michigan in business, and Karan Higdon bowled over a linebacker to finish it off. O’Korn up to 106 yards passing to J.T. Barrett’s 30, thanks to some YAC. The XP was blocked. Keep that part in mind!

Ohio State 14, Michigan 14, 9:50. Amid LOTS of complaints about the officiating by Michigan fans (it hasn’t been the greatest), Rashan Gary sacks J.T. Barrett and forces OSU punt No. 6.

Ohio State 14, Michigan 14, 11:02. The all-defense portion of THE GAME has resumed. Michigan’s first snap in both halves: a fullback dive from a three-back formation. Monumentally B1G.

Ohio State 14, Michigan 14, 13:29. Ohio State gets ball first, punts right away, and tacks on an interference flag on the return. Two slow starts for OSU today.

Second quarter

Ohio State 14, Michigan 14, halftime. You’re not gonna believe this, but MICHIGAN CAME UP SHORT ON A REVIEWED FIRST DOWN CALL AGAINST OHIO STATE ... again. Punt.

Ohio State 14, Michigan 14, :55. Michigan stops the bleeding, thanks to a blooper snap that J.T. Barrett somehow tracked down. Ohio State punt.

Ohio State 14, Michigan 14, 4:30. These teams traded uniforms at the quarter. Let’s see if anyone notices. Three-and-out by Michigan.

Ohio State 14, Michigan 14, 5:54. Ah, good, Ohio State is here. J.T. Barrett ran for 26 and tossed to Marcus Baugh for another 25, and we’re all knotted up. Also, will we get some history today? We’ll see:

Michigan leads Ohio State 14-0 in the second quarter. Ohio State has NEVER overcome a deficit of 14+ points to beat Michigan.

— ESPN Stats & Info (@ESPNStatsInfo) November 25, 2017

Michigan 14, Ohio State 7, 9:50. A dropped Michigan INT could be costly, as J.T. Barrett bounced right back with a run up the right sideline to complete an 11-play drive.

Gary missed tackle on Barrett on 3rd & 4. Metellus dropped INT. Lose contain on 3rd & 9 for a 21-yard TD scramble. Michigan will really want to have that drive back.

— Drew Hallett (@DrewCHallett) November 25, 2017

Michigan 14, Ohio State 0, 14:57. With that sweet field position, Michigan needed just two plays to get into the end zone again. Watch this play action fake to Khalid Hill, who scored the first TD, and toss to a wide-open Sean McKeon.

First quarter

Michigan 7, Ohio State 0, end. The Wolverines start a new drive in the red zone after a 42-yard Donovan Peoples-Jones return plus a flag on Ohio State. Lot of #narratives in some trouble early today.

I dunno y'all, kinda seems like Michigan might actually not be bad http://pic.twitter.com/AatDUQAo5W

— SB Nation CFB (@SBNationCFB) November 25, 2017

Michigan 7, Ohio State 0, 1:15. Not much more than a couple Chris Evans runs on that Michigan drive, but the Wolverines are still having a far easier time moving the ball and pin the Buckeyes deep with the punt.

Michigan 7, Ohio State 0, 4:30. The Buckeyes have done basically nothing on offense. Minus-1 total yards, and another punt.

Michigan 7, Ohio State 0, 6:02. John O’Korn’s sailing passes, but luckily, Zach Gentry is tall! A 27-yard gain there to enter the red zone. A few plays later, the 13-play drive concluded with a Khalid Hill TD.

0-0, 12:20. Nine total yards through one drive by each team. We’re in extremely THE GAME mode early on.

0-0, 13:35. Third-string (at this point) QB John O’Korn gets the start for Michigan due to an injured Brandon Peters. Three-and-out for the Wolverines.

Preview

One of college football’s most storied and bitter rivals will face off in the final game of the 2017 regular season, when the No. 9 Ohio State Buckeyes travel to Ann Arbor to take on the Michigan Wolverines, on Saturday at noon ET on FOX (live stream).

Both head coaches, Urban Meyer and Jim Harbaugh, have made this rivalry game a priority. Unfortunately for Michigan, the results since the turn of the century have been pretty one-sided, with the Buckeyes walking away with a pair of fancy gold pants in 14 of the last 16 meetings.

Time, TV channel, and streaming info

Time: Noon ET

Location: Michigan Stadium, Ann Arbor, Mich.

TV: FOX

Streaming: FoxSportsGo, FuboTV

Odds: The Buckeyes opened as 13-point favorites.

Ohio State vs. Michigan news:

The Ohio State-Michigan rivalry goes far beyond just this week, and Urban Meyer spoke about it at his weekly press conference.

That's what Meyer stressed to the media: This isn't a one week kind of deal. Throughout time, the current Buckeye head coach has learned from some of the other great OSU coaches on how important this game is.

The Wolverines are running out of options at quarterback with all of the injuries at the position.

John O’Korn is the man who will likely start on Saturday, unless Peters is able to return to practice soon. Wilton Speight could also conceivably be in the mix, but the latest reports still have him as a non-contact participant in practice.

The Buckeyes will face one of the best defenses in the FBS but should still be able to make a few explosive plays on the ground.

One of the only places Michigan shows any weakness at all on defense is their tendency to give up explosive plays. The Wolverines, despite their otherwise-suffocating defensive presence, are just 116th in rushing defense IsoPPP and 93rd in passing defense IsoPPP (Football Outsiders' explosive plays metric). In other words, they're basically systematic drive-proof, but if you can find a seam, there's a good chance you might take the ball in for six.

Michigan has a lot of young talent, but it just hasn’t developed quickly enough to make an impact on the 2017 season.

The roster was loaded with youth when this season began, but at this point it’s getting difficult to continue calling them inexperienced. Virtually an entire season is now under their belts and they’ve certainly shown that they are developing.

The off-season will go a long way toward prepping this team for a solid 2018 campaign, but right now I’m worried about the game that lies ahead against Ohio State.

The Buckeyes are still eyeing the College Football Playoff.

After the still-surprising loss to Iowa just a few weeks ago, Ohio State seemed all but out of the discussion for a spot in the College Football Playoff. Recent wild weeks throughout the college football landscape has kept the Buckeyes’ hopes alive with losses by a handful of top 10 ranked teams.

With just one game left to play in the regular season, Ohio State has already booked its trip to the Big Ten Championship Game in Indianapolis on Dec. 2. The Buckeyes will play outright winner of the Big Ten West division, and still undefeated, Wisconsin for the title. Sitting at No. 5 in the latest CFP rankings, a win over the Badgers could be enough for the Buckeyes to get a playoff berth.

Without a win this week and next, Ohio State will likely be suiting up for a New Years bowl game instead.

Ohio State vs. Michigan prediction:

As chippy as this annual rivalry game tends to get, the Buckeyes have a more well-rounded team which should give the Wolverines fits. Despite Michigan boasting one of the top defenses in the country, Ohio State should still figure out a way to get points on the board, with its own defense doing enough to keep the Wolverines from getting more than a couple scores.

[thepixelresponse]

So I watched all the Saw movies

So one of my holes with movies is that I never watched any of the Saw films. Since I liked the trailer for Jigsaw and there are a bunch of stories I really like where characters sever their own limbs, I decided to remedy that. The only thing that I knew going in is that they're quite the gore fests they're sold as, at least not at first, and that the sequels do a bunch of world building or something. Also some of them are good maybe?

I'm going into this optimistically, but I might just be walking into a trap that spells my doom.

Let's find out. These are just going to be my off the top of my head impressions as I go through the 7 Saw movies one by one. (A review for Jigsaw will come separately.)

Saw

What a great opening, right off the bat this movie is great. Overall it feels like a mix between a play and weirdo 90s filmmaking (I'm aware it came out in 2004). I appreciate James Wan's desire to experiment but this does clearly lack the polish of his later work (also the budget). The speed up effect holds up the worst. 

Despite being a dying man Jigsaw sure is an Assassin's Creed Protagonist.

This is a movie of very strong conceits. The strongest part of the movie is the stuff in the sealed room.

Best line: "I don't give a crap if you covered yourself in peanut butter and had a 15 hooker gangbang."

This movie is a little hoaky. I feel like these ideas could have been handled better if the movie had been a little more straightforward and less over dramatic about its twists. Basically I think this could have been a great Hitchcock movie if Hitchcock had made it. It's much more of a thriller than a horror film.

Why isn't Saw: The Stage Play a thing?

Oh man, or Saw the musical!?

Saw II

Immediately this is a worse movie. The opening scene is a pointless "Yea we're Saw motherfuckers look at this gross eye shit!" statement which cuts to domestic drama I don't care about. This is now CSI: Saw. 

Why isn't there a Saw TV show?

Jigsaw is a pretty good Villain. Even here where I'm way less invested overall he's good.  Although there are diminishing returns to having him onscreen. And the fact that these cops don't immediately start kicking the shit out of Jigsaw at this point is hard to believe.

The thing I'm really sick of is people saying he hasn't actually killed anyone. Get over your own hype Saw movies! This is some Batman Begins "I don't have to save you" bullshit.

This movie has a lot more screaming than the first movie and I'm not happy about it. We have entered the real of me sitting around waiting for these assholes to die. I just don't think they're worth all this trouble.

This is two for two with cops being idiots in these movies. Just the worst.

I think my biggest problem with this series is its insistence on explaining itself.

Saw III

Oh, picking up right where the last movie left off huh? This would probably have meant more if I cared about that last movie more.

CSI: Saw continues.

Here are my deepest thoughts about Saw: Fucking white people need to learn to just run for it.

Maaaaan... Why is Jigsaw still alive though? I actually take back what I said about him being a good villain. There's a good idea there, but they overdid it with him. It's part of my fundamental problem with the series: its need to explain and show the audience everything. 

Unreasonable characters yelling. If you're going to kill annoying characters I'd rather just have a slasher villain kill them. These death puzzles are only worth it to me if I care about the characters and I do not.

I care about characters who overcome hardship, or at least give every effort to do so. This is mostly characters succumbing to bullshit. 

This is one of those things where I'd like it more if it were better or if it were dumber. 

And OMG do I so not care about seeing set up for the first movie this literally ads nothing! 

Also these movies have been pretty bad at depicting pain. The weird editing has carried forward which is a big part of it.

Man, I thought I would enjoy these movies more. I'm honestly bummed out you guys.

Saw IV

Oh hey, Jigsaw's dick. Neat, I guess.

If he comes back from the dead I swear to god...

Is there a prize inside him?

Alright Saw IV... Let's. Get. Dumb.

Please? No? More of the same? Ok.

This series is more like lore porn than anything. Backstory Porn, whatever.

"Do you know anything about the Chinese zodiac?" 

Actually, y'know what this series kinda reminds me of: Lost. This series kinda reminds me of Lost in that that series was also obsessed with backstory. Just without a polar bear, or golf, or time travel and bunch of other stuff. God Lost was weird.

I wish this were weird.

Saw V

Few movies series are as committed to continuity as this one. Even comic book movies don't care this much.

I just wish it were as dedicated to Jigsaw's gimmick. Or characters.

I feel like I'd find it more admirable if it didn't just feel like TV; like how some British shows will do just a couple episodes a year. It's novel, but not novel enough for me to overlook its flaws.

At this point I've at least settled into the groove of accepting these movies for what they are and not what I wish they were.

"Hair trigger" Wow, hahaha what a silly joke.

"Instantly rehabilitated," except when they're not. 

"It can never be personal" Except when it's super personal.

This group of victims is less shouty and more practical, I like them. Of the sequels this is easily my favorite so far. I still find the editing really annoying though.

Saw VI

Wait is this about the Umbrella corporation?

I'm just sick of Jigsaw's bullshit. Though that may be because I've watched around eight hours of it in a short span. And I really do mean his specific bullshit, I could watch murder death puzzles forever frankly, never tired of those.

This motherfucker's been dead for 3 movies and he still won't go away.

Ooooooohhh health insurance companies are bad! Thanks Saw VI I never would have known had Jigsaw not pointed it out. 

I miss Saw V.

Saw: The Final Chapter

So continuity conscious for 7 movies, it's actually impressive. I can see how this would have been really great for someone who cared more.

This series needs that "Time to play the game!" stinger.

"Let's get this over with." Amen.

So I guess this is the sexy Saw movie. I don't think we needed that. Really putting that double budget to good use eh guys? Now it's produced just enough to look tacky instead of cheap and gritty.

This feels like a soap opera that keeps getting interrupts by deathtraps. I wish it felt the other way around at least.

"Crazy."

That fishhook thing is the only one of these traps in the whole series that made me even a little uncomfortable. Incase you were wondering how dead inside I am.

I wanna see the guy who just doesn't try. So much of these movies are people trying and failing and getting fucked up anyway. I just want that one seemingly apathetic charter who makes it through fine somehow.

Man, I wish the cops in the first movie had shot first.

Must. Kill. Every. Character. Final means final dammit. Until it doesn't.

This movie does get the coveted Burning/Barrel for having a burning barrel. 

I wish this series had stayed pure and had just been people trapped in that same first room over and over as the bodies piled up and more people being revealed to have actually been in the room the whole time. Basically the Saw series should have been more like Trapped in the Closet.

The original film is the easy standout for me, and then Saw V ended up my favorite of the honestly samey feeling sequels. Honestly The Final Chapter is probably my third favorite, despite its problems, just because of the very brief return of Cary Elwes. Then VI, VI, II, III I guess but at that point I'm splitting hairs.

Welp, those were my initial thoughts on the Saw franchise. My Jigsaw thoughts will be in a separate review.

Thank you for your time.