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inkskinned · 10 months

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it is all chaos and entropy. the thing is that the chaos and entropy make it beautiful and lovely.

yes, it's true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is terrifying. i have lived through some of the unfairness - i got born like this, with my body caving into itself, with this ironic love of dance when i sometimes can't stand up for longer than 15 minutes. i am a poet with hands that are slowly shutting down - i can't hold a pen some days. recently i found a dead bird on our front porch. she had no visible injuries. she had just died, the way things die sometimes.

it is also true that nature and the universe are uncaring and unspecific, and that is wonderful. the sheer happenstance that makes rain turn into a rainbow. the impossible coincidence of finding your best friend. i have made so many mistakes and i have let myself down and i have harmed other people by accident. nature moves anyway. on the worst day of my life she delivers me an orange juice sunset, as if she is saying try again tomorrow.

how vast and unknowing the universe! how small we are! isn't that lovely. the universe has given us flowers and harp strings and the shape of clouds. how massive our lives are in comparison to a grasshopper. the world so bright, still undiscovered. even after 30 years of being on this earth, i learned about a new type of animal today: the dhole.

chance echoing in my life like a harmony between two people talking. do you think you and i, living in different worlds but connected through the internet - do you think we've ever seen the same butterfly? they migrate thousands of miles. it's possible, right?

how beautiful the ways we fill the vastness of space. i love that when large amounts of people are applauding in a room, they all start clapping at the same time. i love that the ocean reminds us of our mother's heartbeat. i love that out of all the colors, chlorophyll chose green. i love the coincidences. i love the places where science says i don't know, but it just happens.

"the universe doesn't care about you!" oh, i know. that's okay. i care about the universe. i will put my big stupid heart out into it and watch the universe feast on it. it is not painful. it is strange - the more love you pour into the unfeeling world, the more it feels the world loves you in return. i know it's confirmation bias. i think i'm okay if my proof of kindness is just my own body and my own spirit.

i buried the bird from our porch deep in the woods. that same day, an old friend reaches out to me and says i miss you. wherever you go, no matter how bad it gets - you try to do good.

#writeblr #warm up #i can't write rn but i have SO much words in here bc im reading the chorus of dragons books #(just started book 4)#and this woman's writing is just LIVING in my brain. let me out!!!#(i read roughly like 2-4 books a week usually bc i go on long walks with my dog but when a book is REALLY good like. it eats my life. )#anyway ...... so like here's a story that idk i've tried to explain to other people as being wild #but maybe im the only one who thinks it is wild???#so i play pokemon go (i just started in jan) bc i love pokemon and as i have mentioned i walk goblin for like an hour in the morning #and i don't like a lot of fitness trackers due to the fact it makes me .sad. but i also wanted the little digital rewards. enter pokemon go #anyway so they make you make friends to complete quests. so i used a reddit thread. i do not usually use reddit. i don't have an acct #i lurked. i just googled like ''pokemon go reddit '' and randomly added a bunch of numbers #i was on that page for all of 15 minutes. there are THOUSANDS of responses on that page.#here's what's wild: in that group of people. even though i am not on reddit and it was one random event once #it turns out one of those people lives in the town i live in. or at least very close. i only know this because #when we send each other gifts. it's from the same freaking area.#i can't ask them to meet up bc pokemon go doesn't have a messaging app lol but like . what are the fucking chances that #a random person posts in a random reddit thread and HAPPENS to get added by someone ELSE from their SAME TOWN #who by pure fucking CHANCE is ALSO playing pokemon go and looking for friends #i googled it there's only 42000 people in my broad region. the .......... smallness ! of the world!!!

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larabar · 7 months

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"so, that was fun"

#YAHOO YIPPEE #i drew each of these in like 2 mins and i can do like 50 more the amount of energy i have rn is !!!!!!!!!!!!#GAH im not normal im so sorry #WHAT A GUY #sth #doodles #sonic frontiers spoilers #frontiers dlc spoilers #IM GONA RAMBLE ABOUT THE MUSIC HERE because idk where else to do it #the new im here version ??????? SO so good what did they put in this song !!!!!!!!!!!#specifically. it fits the new super form so well. it sounds more electronic and theres less focus on the traditional instruments in the bg #which is so cool!!!!!!!!!#but the bit that gets me is the new vocal line that plays in the instrumental part right near the end. the higher bit #THATS SO PRETTY . AND IT PLAYS RIGHT AT THE CLIMAX #then it fizzles out and ghhhh the visuals ...... ... .#sorry i cant focus on what im writing im still listening to the ost and the instrumentals on undefeatable are INSANE #the melodies you couldnt hear before are incredible. ill just stop here💥#but anyways. please talk to me about the dlc im ALWAYS up to talk about the dlc ok bye

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lovesickeros · 5 months

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can.. can I ask for an affectionate reader with characters who aren’t normally like… used to the love? like, not just through words but physical affection like hand-holding, kisses, hugs, all that shebang. probably with a few people like yelan, ei, basically any character that is either cut-off from society or seems socially distant or isolated. 😞

☆ affectionate reader with yelan, ei, & furina

[ 4.2 Archon Quest spoilers ]

× yelan

Varies between how you display your affection, to be honest. Just like being affectionate with people? She's cool with it as long as you don't pop by while she's working (mostly because she'll end up dragging you into it for a bit of fun). I don't think she's all that touchy feely herself, but she'll absolutely get you gifts instead– like pretty knick nacks? She'll make sure to snag any she thinks you might like. Like a good meal? Sure, she'll take you out to one of the restaurants in the city, doesn't matter how expensive. Her treat. If you do prefer physical gifts rather then being taken out, you'll eventually get used to the random unmarked letters and packages showing up where your staying pretty often. It's obvious to know who it came from even if she never signs anything.

Flirty reader, though? Whole nother can of worms and now it's a challenge. The more confident you are the more interested she is. The other acolytes would absolutely seethe at the idea but she has no hesitation at just straight up flirting back– she's as charismatic as they come and she's got a poker face that's basically impenetrable. She'll probably also make a bet to see who cracks first (she always wins, unsurprisingly). Probably won't get dragged into any of her schemes this way but if you ask politely maybe she'll consider it, anyway.

The smell of freshly brewed tea and the clatter of dice across wood was a common sight at the Yanshang Teahouse– less common was the woman secluded in the far corner, her lips pulled into a grin that flashed fangs and a look that would scare off the most confident of men.

She'd normally try to scope out any new blood that'd made the mistake of stepping into her teahouse and was equally stupid enough to accept a gamble against her just for the thrill of it, but she was far too absorbed in the warm body at her side, one of her die clasped tightly in their hand as she guided them through the motions– they had a knack for it, she had to admit. The thought made her preen, the clatter of the die as it rolled across the table giving her that subtle, familiar rush.

Even if she knew exactly where it'd land.

"Six. Hm, maybe you're just lucky," She muses, plucking the die from the table and holding it up to her eye like a prized jewel, "Or maybe you're not as innocent as you'd have us believe." There's a sharp glint in her eyes at the prospect, but everyone else has the sense to keep their heads down and their words to themselves as she tosses the die herself.

"So why don't we find out and make a bet, just between you and me?"

× ei

Varies between Ei and the Shogun, because you'll probably be seeing either as much as the other. Sometimes you gotta really squint to tell who it is sometimes, but you get used to it. Both are fairly similar, though, in that their first instinct (especially in public) is to tense up like you're about to attack them or something. Difference is Ei eventually relaxes after a solid minute of trying to process your sudden affection and, if no one else is around, she might even reciprocate. Just don't tease her for being a little stiff and awkward about it, she's trying. That's what happens when your only company is a robot and uh. Nothing. For like 500 years. She's trying. Raiden, on the other hand, is just about as awkward as you can imagine. She's polite (blunt) about it because Ei is fond of you and also you are. The Creator. But she's not really built to deal with personal relationships and so she doesn't know how to deal with affection.

..Depending on what you do you may or may not blue screen Ei hard enough that she retreats back to PoE

Ei usually isn't fond of sitting still, unless it's to meditate. At least then she goes in with a purpose, something to achieve– but now, she's just focused on trying not to make a fool of herself. Her muscles are starting to ache from how hard she's tensing, though, in an effort to sit as straight and still as possible as their hands glide through her hair, weaving it into a single braid.

She can just barely hear the subtle lilt of their voice as they hum– and though it is soothing, it is also..very distracting. She can't focus long enough to try and meditate, too lost in the gentle rise and fall of their voice and the care they take to braid her hair. If she'd had a heart, she'd sure it'd be beating so wildly against her ribcage they could hear it.

But then it stops– their hands fall back to their sides and their humming falters. She freezes, too, racking her brain for any slights she must have committed. Instead, she is met with a calm, tender touch on the back of her neck, making her inhale sharply.

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Ei? You're so tense.." She has to grit her teeth to stop herself from bowing so low her head presses against the ground, her hands folded in her lap, clenching instinctively. "..No, Divine One." She answers simply, trying to contain the adoration swelling in her chest.

Yet as much as she tries to relax, to ease their worries, she finds that she cannot.

"Hm." That small murmur, a simple sound that nearly made her jump, was the only warning she got before they scooted closer, wrapping their arms around her stomach and resting their chin on her shoulder with a grin she would liken to Miko's, if she dared to make such a comparison. "Really?"

She swears she must've been feverish at the affection, lightheaded and dazed until she thought she might simply perish at the brush of their hands against her own.

Much to her embarrassment, however, she doesn't realize she's instinctively pulled back into Plane of Euthymia until she sees the familiar dull purples engulf her vision once again.

Though only a small solace, it seemed a little..brighter, this time.

× furina

Varies between pre 4.2 and post 4.2 archon quests to be honest.

Pre 4.2 she comes off as very vain– of course the most Divine would see fit to spoil her with affection! She deserves it, and is obviously their favorite! Just don't look too hard because she's terrible at hiding how flustered she actually is. Absolutely goes home right after and screams into her pillow for at least thirty minutes minimum.

Post 4.2 she's a lot more openly bashful and flustered. She's really not used to affection and even the smallest show of it has her folding immediately. Now that she doesn't need to worry about being found out she's a lot more receptive to affection. Cup her cheeks and compliment her and her knees are buckling. Like. Especially weak for compliments and praise (she deserves it. please spoil her).

She swears she must be hallucinating– she had been having trouble sleeping recently. But..no. The visage of the Creator was as real as the sweat beading on her brow as she stared at them for a long, awkward moment. Should..she let them in? But then they'd see the pathetic state she was in, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself in front of them-!

Her choice was quickly made for her, anyway, as she let out an undignified squeak of surprise when they suddenly tugged her forward into their chest, enclosing her in a hug.

Her first reaction was to freeze– her second was becoming absolutely flustered, her cheeks flushing a soft pink and her mouth closing and opening as she tried to find her words.

"I– ah..um." She stumbled over her words instead, floundering like a fish out of water. Yet she felt a distinct sense of emptiness wash over her when they finally pulled back, looking a touch sheepish. "Sorry, sorry– you just looked like you needed a hug."

The silence spoke for itself, her shoulders tensing slightly. But the way the concern and affection bled through their voice made her waver, her hands trembling as she let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a sigh.

"It's..It's fine! Fine, I'm fine." She repeated, trying desperately to ignored the way her voice cracked and how hot her face felt– though it was more an attempt to affirm herself that she was not thinking about how warm they felt, how much she..actually enjoyed the hug. She wasn't thinking about it all! Absolutely not!

..Maybe a little.

"Just warn me next time, please?"

#asks #sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #fic tag #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #yelan #furina #ei #THIS DIDNT SHOW UP IN MY INBOX UNTIL LIKE #NOVEMBERBIM SORRY IM ANSERRING IT SO LATE??????#tumblr working right is a miracle that will never happen #anyway can u tell i have. biases. there r so many characters I wanted to write for this (shenhe.........) but I forced myself to limit it #to 4 for my own sanity and everyones elses #also didnt know if u wanted just yan or sagau so I went for my specialty 🧍‍♂️#was gonna include my beloved cryo archon but decided against it #ei the pathetic lesbian that u r....mwah #I'm sorry this took so long it took me 50 yrs to figure out yelan.. 😭#i am still not confident abt my characterization of her but shes so good at her job even im confused abt her #reading her lore crying and sobbing in the corner. shaking her like a can of soda #checks note idk uhh cocky doesnt let herself form personal relationships charismatic uhhhhhhhh #idk dont ask me i just started praying and hoping for the best here #i think she'd get a kick out of getting reader into like. fudging rolls and shit. create an absolute menace out of reader #set them loose and see what chaos happens #just kicks back and watches it all unfold internally laughing her ass off #i didnt know whether to just do headcanons in uh. bulleted list or like #full on drabbles

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nostalgia-tblr · 2 months

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"are people not into that?" i ask, after posting my weird niche shit to the internet, despite knowing it to be weird niche shit.

#jsyk sylkius or anything adjacent to it does not “Do Numbers” in any way and i observed this some time ago #i assume that's the “rival ships” element at work but who knows really #that sort of thing is like femslash in that everyone approves of it but nobody actually reads or writes it #but who would have thought sylvie beating loki with a stick would not bring in droves of readers???! shocking twist there!#& i don't consider sifki a rarepair but my rarepair standards are VERY strict like if there's >5 fics a pairing is basically mainstream #chasing popularity would annoy me though & i just don't have the mental spoons to try writing stuff i wouldn't personally read #yeah i *could* put my blorbos to work in a coffee shop but what cost to my own enjoyment levels? AT WHAT COST FANGELA???#you can't please everyone so you may as well just please yourself and if anyone else likes it you've found some fellow freaks so yay #i don't mean please yourself in a wanking sense. though feel free to do that too it probably counts as a cardio workout idk.#BUT ANYWAY #fic related #ps i am v glad there's the “warning: loki” tag because i think/hope it acts as a filter for 'he did nothing wrong in his life ever' types #who are Valid & etc obviously but i write my morally grey characters to be morally grey and the tag might help avoid conflict #though tbh i write almost every character to be morally grey in some way so i can't claim to have left my comfort zone here #(i'm not joking when i say the 1987-89 run of Dr Who shaped my entire future fannish life from a young and apparently v impressionable age)

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buggyandthebartoclub · 5 months

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Your Secret Recipe for Sanji A La Mode PT. 1 A gender neutral reader x Sanji fic Rated E: contains sexual content, oral, Sanji in lingerie, mentions of bondage/bdsm (no actual bondage/bdsm in this fic, will be in part 2), coming untouched, implied that reader is a bit of pervert for Sanji NO food involved sexually the title was just funny to me ok Word count: 2208 Summary: Sanji is WEAK for you, and you wanna see him in something sexy in your bed, good thing you have JUST the recipe for such a delicacy!

A/N: HUGE thank you to the heart pirate homie hoppers for helping me workship this fic ive been struggling with for like 2-3 weeks lol! Thank you @mandiemegatron & @guilty-sugar (I literally wouldnt have gotten this far w/o Mandie TT_TT tysm ilysm)

For a man who exuded strength and pride, your amusement was palpable when you marveled at how effortlessly Sanji succumbed to the delectable flavors of your charm

Whether it unfolded through the savory banter that rolled off your tongue like a well-prepared dish, the subtle graze of your hands during the exchange of your favorite drink, or the delight of your eyes meeting across the deck with a hint of spice in a cheeky wink, every interaction with you seemed to season his demeanor.

Like ingredients harmonizing in a perfect dish, each aspect of your presence had a transformative effect, turning the strong and proud man into a concoction of flavors, a delicious blend responding to the culinary symphony of your allure.

And you yearned to have him in your hands, cradled delicately like the soft dough kneaded under Sanji’s beautiful hands, glazed over with his tears from the sweetness of a heartfelt confession. You wanted to tie him up delicately and hold him together when he inevitably crumbles apart for you.

Thankfully the recipe for this delightful surprise only required a few careful steps, thoughtful timing around your next couple destinations, acquiring suitable bindings for an artful presentation, and of course, selecting the perfect gift for your delicious chef that compliments his profile like a fine wine with a meal.

When the opportune moment arrives, all it takes is a moment to ensure you stay behind with Sanji while the rest of the crew is off exploring the new island allowing you to saunter into the kitchen with the confidence of a skilled chef, Sanji’s gift hidden behind your back as you express a sudden craving for something sweet.

Your eyes sparkle with delight when Sanji jumps at the chance to cook something delectable just for you, his praises already sweetening the air before you even find a seat, discreetly hiding his gift like a secret ingredient.

Alone with him, the kitchen became a culinary stage, and he was already overwhelmed, the heat of flustered emotions rising as you watched him cook with undivided attention, something he often begged for from you but instantly felt overwhelmed by when given it.

By the time he was finished his heart was racing as he presented your favorite treat in an elegant display, a blush growing on his cheeks as he spoke with a smile,

“Something sweet, for my sweet, I hope you enjoy”

Laughing softly, you’d place a hand delicately on his wrist, leaving him simmering in anticipation as you spoke sweetly,

“I’d enjoy anything from you, Sanji”

He’s a bubbling pot of emotions when you withdraw your hand to taste the delicacy he prepared, made only sweeter by his reaction. You grinned and laughed a little as Sanji wobbled away in a daze, letting your eyes trail after him as he fluttered weakly about the kitchen, unable to calm himself down under your weight of your gaze eyeing him up and down like he was what you wanted to eat as he continued to clean up the kitchen.

He’s already light headed before making his way back to you just as you finish up your treat to clear away your plate when he asks,

“How was it, my dove?”

“Oh, dessert was delicious, I was hoping I could have you for the main course though” you'd say with a wink and slide the gift you wrapped so carefully onto the counter, lifting the lid for him to see the contents as he wibbles and wobbles, nose bleeding and flush running up his face as he stutters out a weak

“O-Of course m-mon amour” and promptly faints at your feet

Amused, you’d help prop him up, whether it’s in the kitchen or his room, and tend to the aftermath. Placing his gift gently in his arms, and taking your leave for him to wake up in his own time.

Your anticipation simmered in the air, much like a slow cooked dish, as you savored the prospect of the impending moment. After all, the most exquisite dishes demand patience, and you have been exceptionally patient.

Weeks of careful preparation had transpired to gather the necessary ingredients for this night, treating it like Sanji would a complex recipe, each component thoughtfully chosen and measured.

Returning to your room, you prepared for the real delicacy of the night, dressing in your most seductive outfit and draping yourself loosely with a robe. The ropes, painstakingly dyed blue for this occasion, a gag you tied the week prior, and lovely little blindfold, all laid out like ingredients for a culinary masterpiece before settling in the comfort of your bed to wait out your growing excitement.

The wait would be brief before Sanji was at your door in a panic. His frantic knocks echoed across your room as he poured out one rushed apology after another

“Y/N, I am deeply apologetic for the embarrassing display you had to clean up, I was so overcome with my emotions for you at the sight of such a gift! Please give me a chance to make it up to you, I-I’ll do anything please! It won’t happen again mon amour!”

Smirking as you close your book and set it aside, going to the door, opening to Sanji's pitiful gaze as he falls on his knees, gift in hand as he wraps his arms around your waist and rubs his face into you while you card a hand through his hair and spoke in a deceptively sweet tone

“Oh it’s alright Sanji kun, I was just worried you didn’t like my gift, I spent so long picking it out just for you” trailing off and letting him jerk his head up to look at you and squeeze you tighter, his nose already bleeding a little bit again from just being against your skin

“I’d love anything from you Y/N, I was simply overwhelmed from imagining you wearing something like this for me!”

You grin as you look down at him, “Although I’d be happy to wear something like this for you sometime, I got this for you, Sanji kun” savoring the way his face turns a brilliant red. He pulls back and looks down at the box in his hands, his eyes darting back and forth between you and the box

“This, mon cheri? A-are you sure you want me to wear this?”

Your eyes gleam when you nod, excitement flushing your skin as he takes a deep breath before giving a desperate “Anything you want mon amour!”

You can barely contain your excitement as you guide Sanji up onto his feet and let him into your room, letting your robe fall off your shoulders as you sit back down on your bed, letting the view of your outfit send tremors down Sanji’s entire body, his pants already lightly tented as you eye him up and down, watching him intently as comes to a stop in front of you.

His breathing is ragged and his pupils are dilated and he’s clearly already dying to reach out and touch you, you can tell by the way his hands tremble and he bites his lip, eager to please and hesitant to disappoint he eyes you up and down, licking his lips and shuffling on his feet, looking down at the gift in his hands then back at you, his face still a smoldering red as he clears his throat.

“S-so mon bijou, how would you like me to..?” trailing off uncertainly, fidgeting under your gaze

“Why don’t you try it on for me right now?” you give a cheeky grin, “If you’re shy I can close my eyes for you, my dear”

Sanji’s knees buckled a little and he let out a stuttering breath as he nods shakily “A-ah yes, of course,” stumbling a little when he steps forward to place the gift box beside you on the bed and straightening back out to undress.

You manage to keep your breathing even when he slides off his shoes and even when his jacket comes off, licking your lips as he loosens his tie and begins to expose his sculpted chest one undone button at a time. Tilting your head back to take in the view when he starts to tug off his belt, you bite your lips as he pushes down his pants to reveal miles of deliciously thick thighs.

Your mouth is watering by the time he’s freeing his erection and reaching over to grab the silky blue outfit you spent so long picking out. Grabbing the brilliant blue material of the stockings first, slipping them on with trembling fingers when he reaches for the thong next when reach over and stop him with an airy laugh,

“Actually have to put the garter on first love, here, let me help you”

You pull the garter out of the box and traded him pieces of fabric as he stepped into the piece, his flush growing further down his body and erection straining as you kneel down to clasp the straps to the stockings, you stand back up, handing the thong back to him as you lean in close to press a kiss to his cheek and whisper in his ear

“There you go handsome, you’re doing great”

Sanji’s breath is ragged as you step back, watching him slip on the underwear, barely able to contain his throbbing member like you can barely contain yourself as he pulls out the delicate bra top, slipping those sculpted arms through the straps. You can’t help yourself from putting your hands on them and turning him around to get a delicious view of his perfect ass as you hook the bra for him, turning him back around and stepping back to sit down and lean back on the bed to admire how perfectly the blue lingerie complimented his skin, contrasting brilliantly with the blush spread down his body, complimented further by the dribble of blood dripping down his face as he watches you with ragged breath, he tries to follow after you, going in for a kiss but you put a hand on his chest, leaving him leaning over you as you smirk, inches from his lips as you speak

“Ah- Ah, before you get to have anything from me, didn’t you say you’d make it up to me for having to clean up your mess earlier? Maybe you can start by tasting the treat I have for you, and you can use your tongue to clean up the mess you’ve made of me until I feel like you’ve made it up to me.”

Sanji groans and runs his hands down your sides as he shakes his head up and down like a bobble head “Anything for you mon cherie”

And he’s sliding down between your legs, his hands shaking as he grabs at your thighs, kissing and nipping up them till he reaches your underwear, moaning when he inhales your scent, unable to control himself as he licks you through your underwear, the sounds you make send him over the edge he was already straining at and he's coming untouched just from the faint taste of you.

He pants and groans through it, pulling your underwear down through the shudders and your hands are in his hair when starts eating you like a man starved. He’s all soft lips and warm tongue, you’re unable to stay quiet when you feel trembling fingers join his tongue, you’re pulling on his hair and you thrust your hips to ride his face, chasing your pleasure as Sanji drowns in it, completely overwhelmed by everything about you as he swirls his tongue and sucks gently on you.

You’re throwing your head back, eyes closed when you tell him in between gasps

“Yes, Sanji, just like that, good boy”

And he groans into your core, eyes rolling back as his hips stutter and he finds release untouched once again as he brings you to yours.

You let him rest his head on your thigh as you both catch your breath and your running a hand comforting through his hair, it takes you a minute before you’re sitting up, slipping a hand under Sanji’s chin tipping his head back to look at you as you lean forward to reward him with a deep, tender kiss, laughing at his dazed face when you pull back and say

“Did you enjoy your treat Sanji dear?”

He nods weakly in your hand and you make an obvious glance down at his mess and back to his eyes, smiling sweetly when you coo at him

“I’m so glad, but that wasn’t supposed to be about you getting off was it?” He gulps and shakes his head softly in your hand, “So how about you let me tie you up and we can focus on you for a bit, see how many times we need to make you come before you can focus on just me?”

His pupils are blown out and blood drips from his nose as he nods weakly in your hand again, whimpering when you put your lips to his and tell him to use his words, kissing him when he says “yes, please, anything you’ll give me mon amour.”

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iknowwhereyousnoozeatnight · 2 months

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if ur still doing requests pls rem if not das all g

she’s chrysanthemum-coded to me <3

close-ups ig

#ask #death note #rem #very messy i apologize #was extra messy here because i was playing with a new brush and by that i mean a default brush that i've never touched before #i actually quite like it very fun i typically like brushes that are 100% or close to 100% opaque but this was fun i like how it layered #i think i'm gonna finalize my idea and perhaps render something fully for once because i feel up to it if flowers are involved #but i promise nothing #drew these left to right btw. there were also like 2 more but they were small and i gave up on them so wjatever #i like the last one the best i think i needed a bit to figure out how i wanted the petals to lay and i like that one the best #the silhouette feels good i like the shape the back i did start trying smth asymmetrical but rem is very symmetrical and i find the symmetr #paired with the wings feels very regal and powerful and almost cape-like as a silhouette which i am a fan of #if i did finish something i might add misa in which case i need to think of what flower she most resembles roses are too easy i need smth #else but i will decide that later bc i am writing this very late at night and now i'm gonna queue it up for tomorrow bc i am going somewher #so goodbye goodnight good day idk what time it is for you. so #WAIT I SHOULD DO RYUK TOO WAIT WAIT soon. soon. he will be a bug yes yessss wait wait if he's a bug i want misa to be butterfly themed #like maybe a beetle of some kind? no no no wasp? ant? i'll think abt it #light would prob be some sort of poisonous plant? idk if u have thoughts idk tell me i'm getting into this bc i'm deprived of springtime at #and it is making me silly :3 teehee anyway i will Think about this and get back to it soon enough #gooddbye bye bye sayonara you weeaboo shits idk. bye

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zeb-z · 8 months

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ok listen. you're badboyhalo and having the worst week of your life. you're willing and wanting to give anything, anything, to get your kids back. forever, your crush/enemy/friend/date partner?/ president sits you down and asks you to marry him. he's on a drug that makes him manically happy and has an extreme level of brainwashing for federation purposes.

you consider for the briefest moment saying yes, because you're drowning in your grief and hard in bargaining, but it won't do anything to help bring the eggs back, forever doesn't know anything. forever wants the eggs back as much as you do, the real one at least, you know this.

you're surrounded by roses. you ask him what you can do to help him, what he needs, asking the forever that you know is in there somewhere. any other personal feelings aside, he's your friend and he clearly needs help. he asks you to marry him again. he tells you to stop making some noise that he's clearly hearing through auditory hallucination. you just want your kids back, you keep telling him this, until he snaps and starts shooting mines under both of you.

forever is still out of his mind. your kids are still missing. the roses are burning.

bad said no to the proposal, of course he did. that's not forever, the kids are gone, this is no time or place for such a thing even if forever was himself. but I don't think forever asked because he feels "opposite than what he usually feels" under the pills. he's manic and under the influence and half brainwashed - he wants every day to be the best day.

and how heartbreaking is that? that bad is only being proposed to while forever is out of his mind. that forever wants bad to say yes because that would make the day the best day ever for him. that under any other circumstances, on that bench with the roses all around them, it might have been something good?

#idk man like take this with a grain of salt too know but l'm taking a stand against every twt user that's been annoying me with their takes #you can't view all of this under a purely platonic lense because of the way they've been playing their characters. you also can't see it as #oh forever finally proposed!' because he's not! it's a whole fucked situation there's nuance and complications and so many factors #like don't be upset bad said no forever is clearly not himself? and who knows if he would even say yes in the first place?#but also on the opposite side like chill out? they've never been read as purely platonic? it's all fucked yeah don't be weirdly like #idk it's the people who are like that's fucked up and you're fucked up for watching it' with no media literacy. like yeah we're all aware #anyways. my view is that they've got incredibly complicated feelings towards eachother. forever would be happiest marrying bad #bad might not say yes under normal circumstances because again they've got a whole complex situation. he isn't sure of his own feelings on a #good day #idk. I need to write an essay about this and what bads internal monologue or thoughts might have been because #it's like. he's angry at forever. he has feelings for forever. he doesn't want to be with him but he doesn't want him with anyone else #there's a world where he could marry forever and be happy. but not here and not like this. idk #these are my interpretations at least!#either way the whole bench scene was phenomenal well done #z speaks #qsmp #mcyt #bbh #forever #q!bbh #q!forever #reposting this so my organizational tags work ✌️#4halo

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goose-books · 6 months

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new maxpoem dropped (transcript under the cut + in alt text)

2:35 grindstone // max franciscovich

there is a knife in my hand.

there is a knife i am holding in the palm of my hand.

i hold it by the blade. when i squeeze the blood runs down through the webbings of my fingers and the sting is hot.

if i uncurl my fingers i will let go of the knife and it will not hurt.

if i let go of the knife i will forget pain. suffering and fear will dull and scab over and my eyes will close. when i squeeze i remember it hurts. i remember i am dangerous. my eyes can close. i can cut with a touch. if i let go of the knife it will not hurt to make a fist. if i let go of the knife i will make a fist. if i let go of the knife in my hand i will forget there is a knife in my hand.

when i squeeze the sting whets my thoughts and i see the world in all its brutal glory and i touch nothing i could ruin.

there is a knife in my hand.

there is a knife i am holding in the palm of my hand.

#max.txt #cw for self harm as metaphor #max actually writes #poets on tumblr #uh. what other tags do i use here. idk. anyway does anyone else ever feel insane

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mystic-blue · 1 year

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a quick little brainrot dump for @ashwii 's celestial au because i'm obsessed <3 also might have made it a hint angsty bc i'm incapable of anything else...fair warning i haven't written in a HOT minute because grad school has consumed my life so sorry if this makes no sense : D

Leo watched from a distance as Mikey chased Raph, both of them grinning brightly and bounding with endless energy. Mikey's laughter echoed through the space between nearby planets, bright and ringing. Donnie sat perched on Earth's moon, calling out the occasional encouragement, but it was unclear who he was rooting for.

Sometimes Leo wondered why they all chose to stay here. There were galaxies upon galaxies to explore, endless maps of stars and open space, planets and asteroid belts all begging to be traversed. Their sense of self and domain had expanded greatly since their inception over a trillion years ago, after all. Leo twirled a constellation between his fingertips and thought about the stars he could sense at the edge of the universe, creations he had never seen himself.

He was about to move closer, to join Donnie, when a sharp pain flared to life in his abdomen. Leo winced as a distant star caved in on itself, Leo attempting to block out the pain and the distant agony. He tried to describe it to his brothers once when they were younger, but they had only ended up distressed and terrified. A dying star was an excruciating experience, a piece of Leo burning away with a ferocious intensity, consuming anything within reach. When he was younger, the pain was an unbearable constant. Now, it was an old wound, a familiar sprain that never healed. Stars perished all the time, a chronic ache in Leo's celestial bones that he had learned to bear with time.

(Sometimes he looked at Raph and wondered how long they had.)

Leo's instinct was to flee toward the dying star, some fruitless attempt at getting there in time to make sure they weren't alone at the end. Realistically, Leo knew it would make no difference. The few times he had tried to do that when he was younger had not ended well. Either he never made it far because of the overwhelming pain, or he got burned by the proximity.

He longed to visit every star in the sky, to let them know that he was there, that he cared about them, knew them. But he and his brothers lingered here, instead.

Sometimes Leo wondered why they all chose to stay here. Leo thought again about the stars he could sense at the edge of the universe. They were newer, brighter, and endlessly chaotic in their naivety.

He yearned to witness them.

If he were being honest, Leo and Mikey were free to roam, unrestrained in the breadth of their domain. Mikey was like Leo in a way, wincing every time a meteor burned away from existence, going quiet and distant for a while. Leo understood the pain of it more than Raph and Donnie ever could.

Donnie's domain was not nearly as extensive as Leo's and Mikey's, contained to the moons within this galaxy. Even still, he had room to move, to explore. Sometimes he said he could sense moons outside of this galaxy, a gleam of insatiable curiosity lighting up his eyes. It looked a lot like the way Leo felt when he expanded his awareness to all the places his constellations reached.

Leo tipped his fingers forward, palm up, and watched a shower of stars tumble off the ends of his fingertips. Mikey crowed with victory and Leo looked up to find him perched on Raph's shoulders. He was already melting a bit against the flames on Raph's back, but Mikey wasn't in danger yet. Leo caught sight of Raph's indulgent yet fond grin and it all made sense.

They had the entire universe to explore, sure. But Raph was here. The endless expanse of the unexplored universe and all her secrets and adventures meant nothing if Raph wasn't there with them. It was cold out there between suns anyway.

The burning ache of the dying star went dull in Leo's gut almost simultaneously with the heady thrill of a new one being born at his collarbone. Leo grinned, his smile full of starlight and eyes composed of the cosmos.

He joined his brothers, dragging Donnie into the chaos, in time for Raph to remove Mikey from his shoulders and begin their game of chase anew. He wouldn't trade this for the universe.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #leo hamato #writing #my writing #raph hamato #donnie hamato #mikey hamato #idk what else to tag here bros #anyway you can pry the star!leo has chronic pain headcanon from my cold dead hands #rottmnt celestial au

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themyscirah · 1 month

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But look at us Luke, we're the ones left alone, holding some rich monster's pain. All of existence, built on his violence. All of space-time, humming to life with a single inviolate rule. Give the hero something to punch.

#kate kane #duke thomas #luke fox #outsiders #dc comic edit #comic edit #dc comics #my first time using photoshop lmao #got it for free with my school adobe acc and obviously im gonna abuse it for comic editing purposes. although i skipped all the tutorials #and just fucked around so idk this isnt like impressive. couldnt find buttons for a lot of what i wanted to do but i think i was just looki #in the wrong spots. anyways yeah.#batman #panel from outsiders no 3 ofc #dont know what else i say here. this is v much the product of me procrastinating writing an essay draft #if the format is weird im sorry im on tumblr desktop which idk how to use. bc photoshop is on my computer and also i turned my phone off so #would stay off my phone and focus. which obviously worked rlly well lmao #swishy's comic edits #panelposting #not rlly but ill tag that too for personal reference. yeah #bats #anyways this issue is so funny to me. like yes lets talk about how batman is everywhere and is taking over everything and also cant die. in #a batman comic that is taking over things (notably the team name etc) from other characters #IRONY!!!!#anyways dark multiverse(? idfk) duke thomas i love you. you can kill as many versions of bruce wayne as you like <3

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renrooked · 1 year

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i need to get this off my chest otherwise i'll explode but i am so unbelievably tired of the "older sibling who takes care of everyone" narrative

give me more youngest siblings who fill the oldest sibling stereotype, youngest siblings who mediate, who take care of everyone, who are reserved and more oldest siblings who are actively independent, who aren’t caretakers, who are stubborn, who are "the trouble makers"

every time i’m introduced to an eldest sibling and expected to respect them because the writer thinks it’s assumed that by making them the older sibling they were a selfless mini-adult who was forced to grow up in the family (and no one else) it takes so many years off my life

not every oldest sibling is going to be a parent figure with a sense of duty

not every oldest sibling shows they care openly/communicates well

not every oldest sibling is easy going

you can write well liked and relatable eldest siblings without making them a wise mini-adult

and their problems and struggles can extend past the side effects of being an oldest/older sibling

also, you can create a character that knows the burden of having to take care of someone without having to make them an older sibling at all!

and you can create younger siblings who aren’t selfish and sporadic. i promise, not every younger sibling is chaotic and causes a scene in order for their needs to be tended to

you can create a character that has the flaw of being brash and codependent without making them the youngest

not all younger siblings are wild and reckless

not all younger siblings are spoiled by their parents/put on pedestals

not all younger siblings are attention seeking

you can write flawed younger siblings without making them forever-children

personally my older sister never filled the whole “i’m meant to take care of you” role. she actively made it clear she didn’t want me around well into adulthood, and would often actively ignore any time i was hurt or upset to make a point for me not to bother her

and she near constantly got into arguments when we were younger that i had to mediate (mind you, she's 6 years older than me) and would make a habit of smacking me on the arm out of annoyance/frustration if i was doing something she didn't like

so sorry, but i just find it lazy a lot of the time when entire personalities are implied of "older sibling so obviously wise second parent and younger sibling so obviously messy selfish baby" and i don't think people realize how absolutely constant this dynamic is implied as an inherent fact in media

anyway, this is all probably doing nothing more than just revealing deep rooted familial trauma but i'm tired of being expected to just believe your oldest is the genuine kind hearted caretaker and youngest is the loose cannon, show me!

make me believe that it’s a natural progression of their personalities! why did the oldest decide to take on that role rather than reject it! what about their situation made the youngest feel the need to be so rebellious!

#literally the only media i've ever accepted this dynamic is arcane and supernatural #they're the only two i've watched and been like okay yeah this shit makes sense this checks out i believe it #everything else i'm just annoyed #it skips all the showing and any setup and starts right in the middle like well obviously we ended up here #no! no it's not obvious! what made y'all this way #what did yall go through. how did your parents raise you or not raise you. what made y'all feel like you needed each other #just one older sibling who is a piece of shit is that too much to ask in this economy god damn #anyways idk what to tag this now #rennie talks in tags #rennie rants #writing #sibling dynamics #familial relationships #if i miss any tags just lemme know and ill add them :D

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gentil-minou · 8 months

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sharing my wangxian phlebotomist!wwx/blood donor!lwj au from twitter here (a summary here if you wanna see)

The hardest part of the adoption process was supposed to be endless paperwork and screenings and the anxiety of not being good enough to meet high standards of the court.

It wasn't supposed to be A-Yuan's first doctors appointment.

His pitiful screams fill the small doctor's office. He's clinging to Lan Wangji's shoulders like there a lifeline, hiding and all LWJ wants to do is bundle up his son and carry him back to safety.

But these are mandatory vaccines he needs in order to attend pre-k. So he cant.

Nurse: Shots are never fun at this age, huh He would beg to differ; they're never fun at any age But see lwj isnt afraid of the shots themselves. Hes terrified of the sight of blood. His BFF loves horror movies & he watches them with her bravely by staring at the corner of the tv

When lwj gets his blood drawn, he looks closes his eyes and imagines being in a cold pond somewhere. But he's never been afraid of just the shot before.

He's helpless in the face of his son's distress. The nurse sighs, saying theyll have to try again another day.

A-Yuan sniffles into his baba's shirt, exhausted from the crying fit. His eyes are still watery and he looks around the room with such fear in his eyes, before withdrawing back into the safety of his baba's chest.

Lan Wangji has no idea what to do, only cradles him closer

Thankfully, LWJ has someone who can help. His best friend, Jiang Yanli is a child therapist and has been helping him prepare his home for A-Yuan.

If anyone knows what to do, it's Yanli-jie

JYL: Zhanzhan, have you tried showing him its not scary?

LWJ has not, bc he's terrified

JYL is the only one allowed to call him Zhanzhan. In Uni she was the one who mentored him his first week of school. Someone slipped him alcohol and he got deliriously drunk.

Yanli-jie was the one who found him and took him home. This is what they told the cohort but actually…

JYL: seeing his Baba get a shot and be okay might motivate him to be more brave

LWJ certainly doesn't feel brave. He's thinking of the blood flowing from his veins and then LEAVING them to go who knows where. It sounds barbaric

He has the distinct memory of learning what a period is in middle school and promptly passing out

He is not a fan of anything related to blood

But LWJ has learned that Yanli-jie knows what she's doing, so, despite the way he can swear he feels his blood pumping with fear, he agrees...but there's a problem.

LWJ: I am up to date on all my shots. How can I show him it is safe?

JYL: Hmm....I have an idea. My brother is a phlebotomist! He can help.

LWJ is confused. Last he heard, the younger Jiang is a prosecutor who makes a living viciously yelling in a courtroom.

JYL: Not him, Zhanzhan. My adoptive brother, A-Xian. I bet he would be happy to help you. He works at the blood bank at Yiling Clinic! The perfect exposure!

For who?, LWJ wonders. A blood bank sounds like a house of horrors to him. And a person who chooses to stick a needle in people and remove the very force that gives them life? He cannot imagine getting along with this person at all.

Yiling Clinic is a community clinic in a part of town Lan Wangji has never been to, especially since the Gusu Group has their own private hospital.

But this is where Yanli-jie's phlebotomist little brother works.

A-Yuan clings to the back of his legs as they approach the receptionist, a young man with amazing cat eye makeup named Mo Xuanyu

These two definitely do not fit the bill for their usual patients, with their designer clothing, so he asks with some skepticism: Um, can I help you?

LWJ has spent the last two hours siking himself up for the blood part, he isn't prepared at all for social interactions. He flounders like a fish.

LWJ: …I am…We are here for…

A shout comes from behind them: Ah! A-Yu, is that A-jie's friend? Zhanzhan?

LWJ flinches until he sees a man sprinting towards them. The 1st thing he notices is this man is wearing lilac scrubs with little white rabbits on them.

The 2nd thing he notices is this man has the most enchanting smile he's ever seen. Already, LWJ feels more relaxed.

The man winks at him: You like the scrubs? A-jie said A-Yuan liked bunnies, I figured this would help keep him calm.

LWJ does not blurt I like bunnies too. But only just.

Beside the man is a pediatric nurse named Wen Ning, no relation, who says he's here to help with A-Yuan

Yanli-jie's little brother, the phlebotomist, introduces himself: Ah! Sorry, Lan Zhan. Jiejie always calls you that so it just stuck. I'm Wei Wuxian. You can call me Wei Ying if you wanna make it even.

Strangely, LWJ feels no need to correct him: Lan Zhan is fine, Wei Ying.

WWX smiles so brightly, LWJ feels dizzy with it.

WWX: Now where's the little bunny himself?

A-Yuan has been clinging behind LWJ's pant leg, tilting around just enough to peek with one eye at this strange gege.

WWX: Maybe not a rabbit then, a radish who likes to hide away!

A-Yuan becomes offended: I don't like radishes!

WWX laughs: Me neither! But Qing-jie says they help us grow big and strong, so they can't be all that bad huh?

WWX is crouched in front of A-Yuan, draping both arms across his knees and resting his chin in one hand. He waits.

LWJ admires his patience. The longer WWX waits, crouched and rocking back and forth in front of A-Yuan, smile gently and welcoming, the more A-Yuan's natural curiosity gets the better of him.

Eventually, his son comes out from behind his leg to touch a black bunny on his sleeve

A-Yuan: I like this one. We only have a white bunny at home.

WWX: I like the black bunny too! What's your bunny's name?

A-Yuan: Banana, bc she tries to eat Baba's banana every morning, and you are what you eat.

He recites this with all the solemnity a 4 yo could possess

WWX's laughter echoes through the lobby: Well! You're very right, A-Yuan. Maybe you aren't a radish after all then. Tell me, what do little boys eat?

A-Yuan: I'm not little! I'm 4 and a half!

WWX: Right, right, I sincerely apologize for my mistake. What do big boys eat then?

A-Yuan purses his lips and taps his chin, pondering his question carefully: Hmm… jelly beans?

WWX looks like he wants to laugh more, but instead says: I see, I see. Thank you for your wisdom A-Yuan.

He looks up at LWJ, dark eyes dancing. LWJ's heart rabbits against his chest

WWX: If your baba is ready, we can head down to my cave if you'd like. I have a lot of cool machines I'd love to show you.

A-Yuan's eyes widen into saucers as he gasps: A cave? Wowww

They grin conspiratorially at each other, before turning bright eyes up at LWJ

LWJ feels warm and much more relaxed inside, so he nods: Mn. We may go.

A-Yuan cheers and holds WWX's hand as the head downstairs.

LWJ trails behind making small talk with WN, watching WWX and A-Yuan swing their hands and skip ahead, feeling something warm blossom in his chest.

The hallway to Wei Wuxian's lab isn't anything like Lan Wangji expects.

The rooms at Gusu are all perfectly pristine and sterile, painted white to promote serenity, rest, and healing.

For one thing, he'd raided a Halloween store at some point and hung up all sorts of decorations, mostly vampire themed. There's one that's says "I vant to suck your blood!" except suck is crossed out and replaced with "donate". Wwx and A-yuan giggle together at wwx's fake accent

It's definitely not up to Gusu General's strict standards. For one thing, there're beanbag chairs in the hall outside. Wwx says it's to feel more comfy while others wait, as he's the only phlebotomist on staff and it can take a while. A-Yuan personally tests each one.

His lab is…adequate if far too small. There's a desk that's overrun with stacks of papers and textbooks and a shelf that's filled with even more. The actual space where blood is drawn is, thankfully, sterile and clean. Though he's decorated with demons demanding blood for food

There's a temp controlled room where the blood is stored, with a red door and the words "Blood Pool" written in menacing barely legible font

Despite the…interesting decor, the room is homely and, surprisingly, welcoming. A-Yuan at least is having a very fun time getting a tour

Wwx patiently answers all of A-Yuan’s questions, even the endless why's, with utmost sincerity, even when his answers are purely nonsense.

Lwj can't stop the fond smile from lifting the corner of his lips. A-Yuan had never warmed up to a medical professional so fast.

He's pulled from his musings when A-Yuan grabs his sleeve: Baba! Blood-gege says this machine makes blood spin around!

Wwx burst out laughing: Blood-gege? I love it!

Lwj is enchanted, head repeating those last 3 words again and again as wwx fondly ruffles A-Yuan's fluffy hair

Wwx: alright, now that you're familiar with my beauty Chenqing (referring to his bloody spinny machine lwj does not want to think about), shall we get down to business?

He says this with his bright dark eyes glittering at LWJ. Right. The blood donating part.

Lwj gulps, nodding. A prisoner walking up to the gallows.

TBC

(If you're interested, I'm probably going to continue at least up to the end of the first part before i just make it into one long fic! You can follow it on my twitter!)

#i tried the threadfic thing on twitter and im finding it hard to get any engagement there and i think this au is cute okay #and i cant write it until a couple weeks from now so im just gonna share it here #call me wwx the way im shameless with my self promotion #hehe #bushy writing #mdzs #wangxian #mdzs fanfiction #mo dao zu shi #if the formatting looks dumb its cause im copying and pasting from shitter djfksh i dont actually write like this i just wanna share this o #anyways someone tell me how twitter fandoms work why are they so hardddd #from what i've seen the writing mdzs fandom is most active on there but i cannot understand how to get recognition there #to be fair i've always been a tumblr girlie and never posted much on my twitter besides retweeting art anyways #but i want validation for my writing T___T #also threadfics are a challenge of themselves and i admire writers who have the patience to deal with them because i am very much losing #mine like what do you do about all the typos and the mistakes and just ahhhhhhhhh #also i think its because im joining in the middle of twitter's mass exodus but idk where else to go #anyways

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