#anyway. sorry. for some reason this hurt a lot and idk even know why. hope yall have a better start to your valentines day

[rubiesintherough]

.

#(( ooc. )) #venting tw #negativity tw #happy valentines day... less happy start already and its only 7:30. #woke up alone bc husband just didnt want to lie in bed and cuddle. so thats great. #and i spent all day yesterday. literally 7 hrs baking and decorating a cake for him for today. his favorite. #and the only thing i wanted. and specifically told him this morning was 'i just want to see you cut it' #told him that. and he said 'okay im just gonna make coffe first' while i went to the bathroom. came out and he'd cut the cake. #idk why thay hurts so much. and why i started crying. it was just a simple request like id spent so much time on it #and he couldnt even be bothered to wait 2 minutes so i could see him cut into all the work id done and get to see the inaugural cut #yknow?? couldnt be bothered. couldnt be patient. 7hrs of work to the point i was in a ton of pain and exhausted yesterday from painstakingly #making sure it was perfect. and he couldnt hold out for 2 minutes while i peed. #and he tried to justify it by saying 'well i havent even picked it up yet?' not the point. i specifically said i wanted to see him cut it #idk. maybe im overreacting. now im laying in bed crying real quietly bc for some reason #im still really worried about ruining his valentines day and making him upset.... #anyway. sorry. for some reason this hurt a lot and idk even know why. hope yall have a better start to your valentines day

[straykats]

so i technically have permission to go melbourne

#kat talks #which means if my friend can come and therr are still tickets #im gonna go see skz AHOXNSKDNSJSNSS #but i dont think we're gonna have both boxes ticked unfortunately #but hey at least now i know the possibilities are actually there yknow #but why did mum let me go in like under one minute #and it took dad me crying + explaining a lot of things + the whole day to agree #and even then its like .. not really agreeing 😐😐 #now u might be wondering #kat ur 21 ur an adult why do u need permission #broskis i both don't know and don't have the energy to explain sorry #but anyways for some reason now i won't feel /as/ disappointed if i can't go #like if/when i was told i can't go?? yeah no that really hurt (for a variety of reasons) #but now that i can go #if i end up being unable to go bc my friend cant come then i'm.. not as phased??? idk why #thats so strange to me #also im surprised that there are still tickets? #they opened up another date for both melb and syd #hope its not a scam LMAO

[bloodynereid]

Hey babes! What do you think about some rivals to lovers for jordan li? I love how Jordan was super competitive at the start of the show, and idk why but I wanted to see more of that from them :) anyway something angsty but also super cute?

Jordan Li is my new obsession and the little amount of fanfiction for them hurts

Sending you lots of love 💕💕💕

Heartstrings

pairing: jordan li x fem! reader

tw: angst, horrible parents... again, rivalry, swearing, fluff, crying, alcohol consumption, intrusive thoughts?

description: rivals always do have that unspoken tension don't they?

a/n: hiii sorry it took like a month to write this - hopefully it's similar to what you thought about. also sorry it's so short, i think i went into a sort of mini writing slump so i'm trying to get back on the saddle. anywaysss hope you enjoy <33

You let out a huff as you collapsed on one of the picnic tables outside of the exam room (what really was a random auditorium). God, that exam was horrible. For some reason, it seemed easy up until the moment you dropped the stack of papers off at the examiner’s desk.

Business was probably easier than it was at different colleges because it just focused on supe management but it had a variety of key terms that you had studied like a maniac. But… you still felt like a failure. How were you going to make it past Jordan fucking Li on the leaderboard if you got a mediocre score on a random business final?

“Damn that exam was easyyyy, why are you grumbling on such a beautiful day like today?” Speaking of the devil.

“Jordan…” You said, poison lacing your tone as you looked up at the stupid smirk on their face.

“Y/N. What did you think of the test?” You and Jordan had a sort of rivalry between the two of you since you started at God U. 

Freshman year. You and Jordan share the majority of classes. It sounds like the recipe for real friendship but no, it turned into something more twisted.

“Incredibly easy, what about you Jordan? Think that you actually did well at something for once?”

“Oh I’m hurt darling. Who’s higher on the ranks by the way? I haven’t checked.”

“Fuck you.”

“I think that’s something you want to do.” Jordan’s voice held something hard to identify as they leaned forward and she winked at you.

You smoothed out the fabric of the dress you were wearing. The gold dress hung around your frame perfectly and it actually made you feel confident in a room of people who probably had more money that you could even dream of.

A sip of bubbly champagne filled your mouth when you suddenly felt a solid presence behind you. The flute of bubbly alcohol was plucked out of your hand and you twirled around with an indignant look on your face. You really shouldn’t be surprised that the person standing in front of you was Jordan.

“Wow, so now you don’t just steal my place in the ranks but you also steal my fucking champagne.”

“It’s pretty shitty champagne, you’re not really missing anything.” Jordan said as they smiled that stupidly teasing smile of theirs as he took another sip. You rolled your eyes and grabbed the flute back out of their hands.

“What do you want, Jordan?”

“Oh I don’t know, it seems like you looked a little lonely.”

“So this whole charade was so you could check on my wellbeing, yeah I fucking doubt that.”

“Then why do you think I came here?” Jordan purred out as they leaned on one of the columns.

“To gloat.”

“Oh I think you suffer enough whenever you open up that little phone of yours to see who’s higher up.” Jordan said they trailed a finger over the hand that you were using to hold up the flute. Your eyes narrowed and you felt a shudder of pure hatred run through your veins. Quickly pulling your hand away, you huffed and walked straight away from a smirking Jordan.

“Aww did I hit a nerve, sweetheart?”

Frantically wiping away the tears that littered your face, you slammed your phone down maybe a little too harshly on the concrete steps. You heard the protective case shatter but in that moment all you could care about is the venomous words spewed into your ear by your parents.

Never enough. That’s what you constantly felt like. You were the eldest and yet you could never do anything as perfectly as your brothers. They were getting top ranks at their supe training school and what were you doing? You were sitting at a mediocre 5. Not good enough for parents who demanded perfection in every single aspect of your life.

A sob was trying to fight its way out of your throat when you buried your head between your arms. The harsh fabric of your jeans scratched painfully on your tearstreaked cheeks. You deserve the fucking pain at this point.

You could almost feel your blood boiling when your powers turned on hyperdrive. Well that’s wonderful timing. Suddenly you could feel, hear and see basically everything. The senses assaulted your very being and a choked whine left your lips.

Why did they think you weren’t good enough? Top 5 is something kids and their parents dream about. And yet you were sitting around on a cold concrete slab crying your eyes out because of your parents.

“Y/N?” The voice you recognized ever so well, made you look up from your clothed arms. Meeting Jordan’s eyes with your own tear-filled ones.

“Fuck off Jordan, I don’t need or want to deal with you today.” You said sharply before dropping your head back onto your knees. You didn’t feel Jordan move away though, instead a warm body settled down next to you and you felt an arm weave around your shoulders.

The chill that had seemed to have permanently weaved with your DNA left when Jordan cradled you into their embrace.

“Y/N?” You let out a loud sob at the sound of your name. What you didn’t realize was that Jordan’s eyes were filled with brimming concern. They had never seen you like this, you were literally like a rock. You always took their teases in stride and easily rebuked them. Your little cat and mouse game was one of the only things that kept Jordan going whenever they were having a bad day.

“I fucking hate them. I do everything they ask of me and yet I’m never enough. I’m never going to be as good as their perfect little sons.” Your words came out in heaves and sniffles. Jordan felt a pang of emotion, they knew exactly what you were feeling.

“I get it, I know everyone always says that but I really do this time. My parents fucking suck. They constantly demand perfection, don’t they?”

“Yeah…” You trailed off as the tears started to dry up and crust on your cheeks.

“Are you okay, darling?” Jordan said softly as you looked up to meet her eyes.

“I can’t believe you are comforting right now, but other than that fine.”

“Always with the scathing insults.” Jordan said with a delighted twist of their smile. 

“You know me… thanks for this Jordan.”

“It’s my pleasure.” Something sparked in Jordan’s eyes when you smiled at them. “You know I don’t really hate you right?” Jordan said softly as they caught a stray tear with their thumb.

That was when you had the realization, you never really hated them either. You liked the competition. You liked feeling pushed and you absolutely adored their stupid fucking smirk.

“Maybe I don’t really hate you either.”

“Ah you see, progress.” Jordan said, making a zap of energy sing through you.

“This doesn’t mean we’re going to be friends suddenly.”

“Oh I wouldn’t dream of it but between you and me, darling, I think we would be something more.” Jordan said with a wink which made goosebumps appear on your skin.

“You’re going to have to beat me first.”

“In what?”

“In that stupid business exam… results come out tomorrow. If you get a better grade than me you get to take me out on a date, if I get a better grade than you I get to take you out on a date.”

“Seems like a win-win situation either way. I can’t wait.” Jordan brushed their warm fingers across your cheekbone before they sent you one final wink and a smirk before heading off in the direction of the dorms.

“You coming? We do have that marketing exam on Friday…” Jordan called out over their shoulder, their remark made your body instantly heat up. Fuck it. You were in a losing battle with them again, this time the prize was your heart and they were certainly going to win it.

ahhh jordannnnn

#gen v #gen v fanfic #gen v amazon #gen v spoilers #andre anderson #jordan li #marie moreau #luke riordan #golden boy #the boys #the boys fanfic #the boys tv #gen v tv #maria writes #the boys series #the boys amazon #jordan li x reader #jordan x reader #gen v x reader #jordan li x you #jordan li x y/n

[frankiensteinsmonster]

ID in Alt Text!

Hey, sorry I haven't been doing my daily outfit posts lately-- I guess I never mentioned why I started them, but it's this personal project that I'm working on where I take a picture (though, in all honesty, it's a lot of pictures lol) in whatever I'm wearing and I feature my cane to promote awareness and give representation to other cane users and members of the cpunk and Physically Disabled community. I'm working on building up the courage to take these pictures outside as well, because I do them on campus, but we deserve to see ourselves outside as well!

The reason I haven't been keeping up with it is because my partner and I have really been really struggling financially as well as with our mental health (and me with my physical health as well, obviously lol) we moved across the country to go to school and it is So Hard-- I had to drop three out of five of my classes because the course work was just too much in volume and I need a job really bad (which is going to be Hard to do since we don't even know why I'm in such chronic pain yet 🙃 it's hard not to feel defeated!)

Either way, I think going to start posting them with the tag #TheVainCanes and #MobilityAidVainity but I'm also going to host a poll for some options bc I want this to be a widespread community thing!

I'm choosing these names because I've seen from both ableds and disabled elitists this idea that we and our mobility aides need to look like they're fresh out the hospital for us to be Believed and deserving of respect, and anything beyond that voids our suffering and invalidates our experiences-- and I think that's reductive, harmful, and just plain wrong! Our mobility aides are an extension of ourselves and we deserve to dress them up however we want. We deserve representation, and the normalization of Joy and Having Personality While Disabled.

This will be intersectional as well (bc. I mean look at me. Also I don't need a reason!) , people from all identities are welcomed and encouraged to join! This is meant to be a celebration of Us, Disabled, BIPOC, LGBTQIA2S+, and All That Jazz! (If you use a mobility aid, you're in!) We're beautiful gorgeous handsome devils and I think we'd do good seeing how good we all look in a designated tag

Also my cash app and Venmo are @/cherubpunque 👀 if anyone has some spare change I could have that would be an amazing help towards feeding me, my partner, and our two cats!!

To kick things off, I am a 2S, Afroindigenous person (Gullah and Kanien'kehá:ka!) who experiences chronic pain and fatigue. I have PTSD and a few other brain things going on, less than perfect eyesight, and a great passion for Art, Music, Subculture, and Helping Others whenever and however I can! I'm majoring in art and am working towards becoming a published graphic novelist. Idk I just have a lot of love and support to give, and a big need for love and support for myself as well, and I'm hoping to offer us a good opportunity for us to connect in a space that's just for us! We're already living outside of society's expectations for health, so why should we let these folks decide the way we look while doing it? Express yourself! (I'll also be tagging myself in future as #mothie so you can find me in the tags! Anyways, I gotta go lay down. My back hurts.)

#cpunk #cripple punk #cane user #chronic pain #chronic illness #solarpunk #diy punk #c punk #chronic fatigue #afro indigenous #indigenous #alt subculture #gullah geechee #gullah #self expression #mobility aid #TheVainCanes #MobilityAidVanity #TheVainCanesProject #MobilityAidVanityProject #punk #punk fashion #**i always mask in public!! i just take it off for these photos while im completely alone** #but i do like to spice it up with a fabric mask over it for a little extra fashion #face mask #spoonie #black mutual aid #trans mutual aid #queer mutual aid #indigenous mutual aid

[saruman-the-silly]

Let me help

tags: phantom x gn!reader, hurt/comfort kind of, maybe angst? idk wanted to write something short but it got a bit longer so anyway yea :D at first a I had no clue of what Quintessence ghouls were so I googled something and I hope I got the powers right, if not, then that's on me my bad lol

---------------------

He was in so much pain. The burning had begun so suddenly, and it wasn't stopping. Why was this happening?

"PHANTOM!" He could hear some distant yelling- who was that? The voice seemed so familiar, but strange in so many ways. The burning sensation was spreading all over him and his fingertips started to tingle. It was starting to consume him, to swallow him whole until- he was pulled down abruptly, falling on to the hard and cold stone floor.

"PHANTOM, oh god, oh nononono this isn't good this is so not good- why didn't anybody prepare me for this what is going on-" Phantom, he remembered his name suddenly, groaned in pain and rolled to his side to look at you, his angel, panicking beside him. He squinted, and studied your beautiful face for a moment.

"Now hold on a minute, what just happened? I only remember trying to walk to the gardens." You smiled at him tearily, and cupped his cheek. "I thought you were gonna rip yourself in half, you idiot." You sniffled, getting him up.

"Maybe next time don't try teleporting in such a weak state, you dummy."

Phantom looked confused for a second- oh yeah, he had barely slept 3 hours last night after coming home from the tour, and yes, he did try to teleport to the gardens where he said he would meet you.

"Ah, well, yeah, that coul be the reason for it," He winced in pain, now suddenly feeling the burns over his body. You frowned, and started to walk back to your rooms, holding him upright.

"You do actually know the consequense if you exhaust yourself and go around using your powers? It's not gonna be pretty, I've heard some stories of what happened to the other ghouls after exhausting themselves and trying to use their powers." You opened the door to your room, leading Phantom in to sit on your bed. He groaned in pain when he sat down, the pain only just now fully getting to him.

"I'm sorry doll, I just wanted to see you and I thought hey, why not teleport because I hadn't just seen you in what, 3 months-" Phantom started to ramble, but you shushed him while gently smiling. You cupped his cheek, and he sighed, leaning into your touch. You leaned down, and kissed his forehead, then his cheeks before looking at his eyes.

"I missed you too. But you just need to be a little more careful, okay? I don't want you to rip yourself in half, just because you're excited to see me, darling." Phantom smiled a bit sheepishly at that, and brought your face closer to kiss you gently. "I promise I won't try to teleport again when I'm so exhausted."

"Great! Now, off with the shirt pretty boy, gotta treat those burns." He laughed, and removed his shirt. You got some ointment, and gently started applying it. Phantom shivered at the contact, and you grinned. "Cold?"

He laughed, and replied. "A little." You hummed, and applied the ointment to the worst burns. Not that you needed to do a lot actually, Phantom usually healed pretty quickly even without help, but the worst burns would leave a scar if not treated.

After you had finished, you offered him a glass of water, which he gladly drank. He flopped back down on the bed, and you laid down beside him. Both of you were quiet, just listening to each other breathe. Phantom looked to be deep in though, and when you were about to ask what's up, he opened his mouth.

"Do you ever feel like you've just not found your place?" You propped yourself on your elbows to look at him.

"Well, not really no. Why?" He sighed, and kept looking at the ceiling.

"I just feel sometimes like I'm just wandering around, trying to find a place where I truly belong. Since my summoning I've tried so hard to fit in, and yeah, I have, but, I don't know why this feeling still follows me everywhere." Phantom turned to look at you, with an unsure expression on his face. You studied his face for a moment, before replying.

"You do know that what you're feeling is super okay?" He smiled and replied: "Yeah I know, it's just a bit weird sometimes since I'm relatively new around here." You took his hand, and rubbed it comfortingly.

"Yeah, but you know, I was at first very out of place here. I felt like I was just floating through everything, and not really finding a place or people that would help me be, yknow, me?" Phantom nodded, listening.

"At first, it was awful, since I'm not good with new people or with a new, weird situation. But after settling down, I started to find things that made the whole process more fun, like you and all the other ghouls.

So what I'm trying to say here, it can be tough to find your own place in the world, and the road there can be rocky and difficult, but you will find it. I'll be there to help you find your way." Phantom smiled at that, and gently brushed a hair out of your face.

"Thank you, angel." He whispered, before gently pressing his lips to yours.

------------------

here it iis, I'm back and alive muahahaha writer's block - 0, saruman the silly - 1

wanted to write something a little comforting, and finished this on my phone lol so sorry for any mistakes, I'll check them later

anyway love you all and thanks for reading <3

#the band ghost #ghost band #ghost the band #ghost bc #nameless ghouls x reader #nameless ghoul #nameless ghouls #namelessghoulettes #phantom ghoul #phantom ghost #ghost band fanfiction #ghost ghouls #the band ghost fanfiction #the ghost band

[lovingmny]

i’m gone. - lee felix

pairing : felix x reader

genre : angst

warnings : swearing, crying, arguing, breaking up, idk

summary : you and your beloved boyfriend were always in good terms, but one night, it all took a huge turn to the wrong side.

wordcount : 743

a/n : this is my first angst!! hope you enjoy<33 might have some mistakes since english is not my first and favourite language !! also i’m a fast typer so might include some accident typos, anyways hope you enjoy<3

m.list

You were excitedly getting ready for your date night with your boyfriend that was planned a few weeks ago. You just did you makeup and now was moving onto attacking your closet, until you heard you phone buzz.

“love i am so sorry, i have to cancel the date, i have an unexpected schedule. i swear i’ll come to the next date💕”

You were devastated, on the verge of a breakdown. This was the 10th time this has happened. It felt like, he didn’t love you anymore. You fell to your knees and started sobbing as thoughts filled your mind.

“what if he doesn’t love me? what if he’s seeing someone else? and that’s why he’s making excuses.”

Those kind of thoughts filled your mind to the brim. You were crying, sobbing, sniffing whatever you’d call it. Your crying was later interrupted by another notification on your phone.

You quickly got up and opened your phone. You were relieved to read the message you were sent.

“i’m coming home a bit later today, maybe at night but i don’t have time to attend the date, love you”

You were relived. Even though he said he isn’t going to attend the date, your still happy he’s atleast coming home and not hanging out with other girls.

The relationship between you guys was always close. Both of you guys loved skinship, and were very clingy after all. You found a lot of same habits and traits you both seemed to have. Even what you both eat.

When you met Felix, it was an instant click. You hung out all the time, talked about each other all the time, basically involved the other in anything. In college you decided you wanted to go from besties to lovers, but weren’t sure if Felix was feeling the same.

You later on built the courage and confessed to him one thursday evening. The whole day was full of emotions ranging from sadness to overwhelming happines. After that you guys were inseparable.

But what you didn’t know was what would happen this night. Something horrible. Something that you will remember for the wrong reasons. That you guys were finally separated.

You heard the door open as you were sitting on the couch eating chips. You sprinted to the door and greeted Felix with a warming hug.

“well hi” felix said while hugging you back.

“i was thinking we could watch a movie and cuddle after? how does that sound?” you excitedly ask while smiling.

“bae i’m sorry but i’m really tired. maybe some other night?” he groaned.

“you almost never have time for me! i don’t know if i can do it. i never can spend anytime with you alone, privately! whether it’s you hanging with the boys or you always have an excuse!! i’m never an option.” you complain, not noticing that you are raising your voice.

you see Felix’s eyes starting to get watery and his freckles are getting drowned in his tears.

You only now realised what you said and tried to hypothetically apologise, but nothing helped. You felt too bad, you really fucked it up now.

“no it’s fine, i’m just trying to focus on studying, i’m sorry. i’ll try to find you more time, love, i really am sorry.” he blurted out, which only made you realise that now you cheeks were getting stained in you tears too.

“no no no no bae it’s okay, i’m the one to blame, i fucked up, i said hurtful things, it’s my fault, my reason to apologise.” you said, tears staining you grey t-shirt.

“whatever, i can go if you want, you said you couldn’t do it anymore” he said. you froze for a second there, to fully understand his words. did you really say you couldn’t do this? shit, you did. you knew he wasn’t coming back either, so you tried to stop him from going, but were unsuccessful.

There he went. he just ran out door to the dorms. you completely lost it when the door closed. you fell to your knees and started screaming his name while sobbing uncontrollably.

It had now been a few days since you and Felix broke up, and you had noticed he was constantly avoiding you, you were hurt by it, but it was understandable. You hurt him, and he’s allowed to be hurt.

Every night you always found yourself curled up into a ball in your bed sniffling onto Felix’s hoodie, which had his scent to it. It was the closest thing you had to him. You were really not okay.

But you can’t do anything but just wait for him.

idk yall tell me how this went!!🥹 i just made something and i hope y’all enjoyed <3

#kpop imagines #skz imagines #skz angst #felix #felix skz #felix angst #i love yall

[chocolatespyro]

Me learning to not give people the benefit of the doubt when they've been given the benefit of the doubt about 50 times already

(III 15 edition. Spoilers under the cut if you still haven't seen it somehow.)

EDIT: Took out the part about them not mentioning her disability since Bot does say that they wouldn't want Cabby to forget iirc, also about them not thinking kids would understand disability since I wasn't happy with those points and I feel they were inaccurate or somewhat off-topic. That's pretty much it though.

The more I think abt it the more I can see how the Bot apology sucks lmaoooo

Dunno if this was a point made on Twitter (I've heard there's been discontent there? I dont have Twitter tho but I'd LOVE to hear more from other Cabby fans abt what's going on there. u can leave comments on this post if u want or u can just rb and do it thru tags.)

Anyways, to my main points: Bot just says they're sorry for... forcing Cabby to get permission to use her files?

What about them lying to Cabby? I don't believe they ever really apologized for that. OR TOLD HER THAT THEY LIED??

Bot also doesn't really apologize for the other main points people were upset for I think?

I don't think bot ever really takes full accountability for judging Cabby either. No one does really. Like... at least an

"I'm sorry. I really screwed up, and so did a lot of the other contestants. We were too harsh and judgmental towards you for no reason, and our insecurities shouldn't have gotten in the way of you being able to remember. This was supposed to be a fun and welcoming environment and vacation... but it became a nightmare for you instead. I know this won't make up for all the damage done, but I hope this file is useful to you."

(maybe reworded some to fit Bot's personality better, but the apology shouldn't have just been this quick one-off moment taken to the side like in canon.)

To kinda add to the above, I also think it would've been nice if Bot fully noticed and acknowledged HOW other people haven't been treating Cabby very kindly too by giving examples of where nobody stood up for her. Lifering was a great supportive person in the episode, but Bot was there for some of the shit that was pulled against Cabby, ESPECIALLY in episode 7. I so wish that that was acknowledged here. And the fact that Test Tube went directly behind Cabby's back to do that. Where does Bot think Test Tube got those files from?

There's also the fact that Test Tube never approaches to apologize for judging Cabby for no reason. Like she just stares at Cabby and Bot hugging for a few seconds after Bot apologizes that's it. And she... doesn't accuse Cabby. That's the barest fucking minimum she could've done.

Also... the "inaccurate depictions" thing wasn't even true outside of Baseball's file... and that was a bunch of contrived bs. Like Suitcase literally had this whole thing where she stood up to Nickel and I guess... Cabby glossed over that somehow??? I can't suspend my disbelief this much sorry all. Idk where the "Manipulated by Balloon" shit came from. Correct me if I'm wrong bcus I haven't seen season 2.

The only reason why it was inaccurate with Bot is because Cabby thought Bot was Bow, something Cabby IMMEDIATELY corrected herself on. Bot coulda just... reminded Cabby that it wasn't her fault because she didn't know Bot and Bow were two different objects and told Cabby to just... start a new file like others said??? So that shit didn't make sense.

The apology just... kinda feels shallow. Cabby didn't do anything wrong here. She's beaten herself up over this shit. It just hurts to watch.

Bot only really apologized for a single thing and we don't get any acknowledgement towards the lying or the mistreatment or Cabby destroying Bow's file as some sort of garbage symbolism attempt.

Bot's apology was kinda supposed to tie everything together and top everything off nicely in a better and at least slightly more satisfying way than whatever the fuck 14 did, but it just... doesn't. It barely acknowledges the issues. They don't really show how seriously they screwed up with Cabby.

I wanna believe that AE has the best intentions here, but they're on very thin ice in my eyes. If they screw up any next steps with Cabby and/or never address Cabby's issues with Test Tube ever again, I think I'm done having any kind of faith in AE. Even Cabby winning wouldn't save it.

Yeah sorry this got really depressing, this situation is just sad

#ii neg #bot neg #test tube neg

[vegapunk-aurora]

Can someone please just say the Ask Tales blog is permanently closed? It honestly hurts to look back at it with even the slightest optimistic glimmer of hope.

Hi Anon,

I'll go ahead and field this, IDK if any of my fellow former ToA mods got this message as well or not but hey, I was kind of unofficially looked to as the Owner so it's on me either way.

The short answer is yes, it is safe for you and anyone else still wondering to consider Tales of Answers over. All of us mods, while we still keep in touch, have largely moved on to other projects and gotten much busier in our personal lives, to the point where even with all hands on deck maintaining the blog at the rate we did at its peak is unfeasible.

It's also a matter of loss of interest. I still love a lot of these characters and I had a blast getting into their heads while it lasted but my interest in the Tales series as a whole has waned significantly since those days, and I think I speak for the whole ToA moderation team when I say that. Part of it is we agree that there is/was an overall severe decline in the series' writing quality for a while, but it's also just that naturally people move in and out of interests as their lives go on. Our hearts aren't in it anymore to the extent that we could produce content for this fandom with any kind of consistency and quality, and it wouldn't be fair to us or anyone who remembers our work fondly if we tried to go back to it without the passion we had when the thing started. Or, worse, start using ChatGPT or some bullshit. Honestly, that had already faded pretty significantly by the time we put a pause on the project, which was most of why we did it in the first place.

On that note, there was also a lot of Fandom Drama and toxicity to deal with back then. I've been somewhat disconnected from the wider Tales Fandom for the past several years so I don't know if it's cooled off, but at the time it was pretty exhausting to be entrenched in. For what it's worth, I don't think we were completely devoid of fault in any fandom drama that ensued, and I apologize if we ever did anything particularly incensing to anyone reading this.

In any case, I will say that yes, Tales of Answers is considered closed by its former moderation team. We consider passing it on to new mods out of the question, as it was a personal project by a group of friends and we don't really want to pass it to someone we don't know and can't guarantee would operate it in line with our own views and wishes. However, the good news is that there's absolutely nothing stopping someone else from starting a new Tales mailbox blog and taking up our mantle themself! In fact, if anyone is interested in doing so, please feel free to make use of all our character animations, which you can find on the blog itself. Most of those weren't even made by us, it was kind of a free for all to begin with.

Will we ever return in ANY capacity? Hard to say and I wouldn't count on it. For my part, I've considered occasionally popping in to make little unprompted skits whenever the inspiration strikes, but as y'all can see, said inspiration hasn't struck significantly enough in the past eight years to actually do it. Maybe I will some day, if any of the other mods still attached to the blog want to they're invited to as well. We're probably not gonna open the mailbox back up, though. Sorry.

ANYWAY now that I've disappointed everyone, if for some reason you still want to keep an eye on whatever I'm doing, I'm pretty inactive here these days. You can find me on Twitter (for however long it takes for Muskrat to kill it) at @aceofplaces, or on CoHost at @vegapunk-aurora. I have a lot of little projects I don't talk much about in public brewing in the background, hopefully some day I'll have one congeal enough to actually be worth sharing.

Now go, be free. Thanks for holding a candle for us for so long and sorry for making you do it for nothing, it is sincerely pretty validating to know this weird little shitpost factory my friends and I made when I was in high school ended up meaning something to somebody even now. Take care of yourself.

-Aurora (formerly Mod Ace)

#tales of answers

[not-poignant]

Hi Pia! I read all your non-o-verse stories and now I am lost. Because you have so much more, but I hate a-b-o dynamic? Yesterday you wrote to user who said that they like a lot of everything I hate, and you wrote you don't quite like it eather. idk if it appropriate to ask of you, but could you kinda explain to people who don't like omegaverse why could I enjoy it from you?I hope it isnt rude. damn. sorry if it is(((but your writing is so amazing, rich and full of life..but I am afraid..(sorry!

Hi anon,

I didn't understand all of your message (I'm not sure what non-o-verse means at all) but I'll do my best with what I do.

Because you have so much more, but I hate a-b-o dynamic?

I'm confused. Less than 5% of my writing online is omegaverse or a/b/o? So unless you've read 95% of my writing and have encountered Underline the Black, if you have most of the other writing to read, none of it will be omegaverse. There's only one series online that I've written which is omegaverse and that's the one I'm writing at the moment. Nothing else is.

You don't have to read something you don't enjoy re: Underline the Black, it's only a tiny proportion of my writing online anyway!

idk if it appropriate to ask of you, but could you kinda explain to people who don't like omegaverse why could I enjoy it from you?

The thing is, I can't really do this, and I don't think it's my job to convince you to read or like something you've just told me you hate. And I don't know why you hate it, so I can't tell you why you'd enjoy my version of an omegaverse.

I can speak about it a little more broadly though.

People don't like omegaverse for a lot of different reasons. And people like me who do love omegaverse love it for a lot of different reasons. hundreds of reasons. It would be like saying 'what do people get out of romance stories?' Aside from the happy ending, it could be literally anything. So my answer to you is people like it for 'literally any reason.' You could look at any other kind of story you like, think about why you like it, and that's why people like omegaverse. They're just not squicked by it, so it's not complicated for them to enjoy it (for the most part). As soon as you're squicked by something, it doesn't matter how many things it has that you enjoy, you're going to be squicked, lol.

There's no universal omegaverse tropes beyond having alphas, betas, and omegas (or just alphas and omegas sometimes). I've published omegaverse stories with no sex. I've written omegaverse stories with sex but no sex during heats. I've read things in omegaverse that people don't expect to read and I've read the tropes and enjoyed them too. And there's lots of different reasons, but mostly I like angst, I like hurt/comfort, I like dubcon, I like trans and nonbinary metaphors even if they're clumsy, I like stories of self-acceptance, and you know what, I like those across genre, not just in omegaverse.

I'll be honest anon, I'm not really interested in selling you some 'special unique' version of omegaverse that I'm writing, because I like the classic tropes too, and I can't guarantee that I'm not going to put in things into this story which you're going to hate. I may have already done it. Idk why omegaverse squicks you personally, but chances are I'll write or already have written one of those things at least once, lol.

I'm not writing anything special or unique. A lot of omegaverse is subversive re: some of the tropes and not with others; and that's what I'm writing too. Underline the Black is proud to be an omegaverse story complete with a lot of omegaverse tropes, and it's been tagged accordingly. I sometimes zig where people expect me to be zag, but the rape/noncon warning is there for a reason (along with disturbing themes and dystopian universe).

Some people can't handle omegaverse to enjoy the angst or hurt/comfort or other tropes that they'd enjoy in other stories, and that's fine. My job isn't to make you read something you hate, anon, that would be bad news for both of us. I can't convince you you're going to like something when you've just told me you hate it, and it's mostly up to you to look at the tags carefully, and then decide what you think.

Like I said above, the vast majority of my online writing is not omegaverse, 95%+ isn't omegaverse. I'm just enjoying a/b/o right now, because it's one of my favourite things to read, so I'm enjoying writing it too. Whether you read it or not is your choice, and your responsibility, anon!

#asks and answers #underline the black #underline the rainbow #omegaverse #omegaverse is one of the most commonly hated alternate universes out there #i'm used to people hating it anon #it's nothing new #i'm not interested in pitching this story to people who already tell me they hate something i love #i feel like that would be bad for both of us #i will say there are people who don't like omegaverse who have enjoyed underline the black #and there are people who don't like omegaverse who haven't enjoyed underline the black #see? i can't tell how people are going to feel about it #i'm primarily trying to write something i love for people who already love it sdlfkjdsa #i'm not trying to convert the haters anon #i knew when i started this story that i'd get a lot of 'i don't like omegaverse' feedback #but i do like it so here we are dslkajfas #just because i have some minor squicks within liking omegaverse #that's no different to me loving romance but not being interested in pregnancy storylines #it's so minor and i can easily not encounter it

[hyunjinspark]

Hi Jade!! I'm finally here to read and give my thoughts on chapters 8 through 12 of star lost!! I know I'm late, I know and I'm sorry, I just had to take some time off social media but I'm so glad to be back to finally catch up with my favorite

This would be way too long if I were to say everything about these 5 chapters all in one ask so I'll split it up so you won't get tired of me lol (you still will get tired of me, I talk too much)

STARTING CHAPTER 8 AAAAAAA

I actually had read a little bit of chapter 8 when it came out but wasn't able to make it to the end due to busy life 😬 so I decided to read it from the beginning because I have a shitty memory and didn't remember enough to know exactly where I left

First of all, the beginning was already so beautiful and poetic, I can't get enough of saying how good of an writer you are, seriously. Just y/n describing the landscape and daydreaming is so relatable, I can't concentrate on anything else other than the landscaping when I'm traveling, and her saying it looked like something out of a Studio Ghibli film 🥺 my ghibli enthusiastic heart was pleased ❤️

Also how can Y/N not realize how in love she is with Hyun yet? I'd be panicking about it already, guess I'm too self-conscious haha

My man is here talking about Baekhyun and being excited and she's freaking out internally thinking about how bad she wants to hold hands with him. So cute.

I can imagine it perfectly.

This whole scene of them talking in the train was cute, I love it!

Hana asking what y/n talked about in the train and asking "what did he say about me?", I'm sorry I'm trying so hard to like her but things like that make it difficult, she's so self-centered omg and her stepping up to fix Hyun's hair when y/n was about to just do that aaaaa annoying

And Hyunjin being jealous of Felix?? Yes. I asked for it and I'm loving it.

Y/N CALLING HIM HYUN YES LOVE TO SEE IT.

I'm taking notes as I go through the chapter so I won't forget to mention anything and I feel like I'm talking alone lol

DID HANA JUST SAY Y/N HATED HYUNJIN TO THE WHOLE FUCKING ROOM? WHAT KIND OF FRIEND- and it's not even true... wow... I'm speechless, I thought things couldn't get worse

"Being my wingwoman certainly came in handy" how the fuck does she make everything about her? and why?

I guess the reason I dislike Hana so much is because she sounds like an old friend of mine but idk how everyone else feels about her so I'm feeling a bit bad so I hope I start to like her soon? Idk?

But anyways

I smell a truth or dare game coming, I can almost feel it, I know it'll happen sooner or later, it wouldn't be a party without it, right?

Hyunjin checking y/n out got me flustered and giggling like a 15 year old 🤡

Why is their dynamic reminding me of something I had with somebody I'd rather forget omg I'm gonna cry

Them holding hands 🥺 I love them

Felix seemed disappointed Hyunjin checked if y/n was hurt? What is going on? What is this tension? Oh I don't like this

Spin the bottle... of course... I'm not READY

Ok 5 minutes later... I'm ready (I think)

So Felix likes y/n? Is that it?

Hyunjin chose to drink that thing instead of kissing y/n.. ouch that hurt

Felix and y/n just kissed and weirdly I'm not mad at that at all, Felix is such a great friend and it doesn't matter if he did it because he has feelings for her or to get her out of an awkward situation (or both) he still obviously did the right thing

Hyunjin baby what were you thinking? I'm really glad there's more chapters to read, I have so many questions!! Thank you Jade for being amazing and writing so much for us ❤️ I'm so so impressed with this story, you're doing a fantastic job with this

And i'm so sorry this is too long, this was literally my thoughts between literally jumping from my bed and walking around my room trying not to scream and dancing bc I was excited. Yes this happened a lot.

Hope you have fun reading this mess though! (English is not my first language just ignore my mistakes pls kajskja)

Thank you!!

hi love !! thank you for sending in a detailed review. i love these so much because they inspire me a lot 🥺 ofc i wont get tired dont worry!

you’re so right, yn definitely is slow to realising when she was falling in love with him in part 8, it can be obvious based on her thoughts and feelings but she’s oblivious 😇 im so glad you liked the train scene, i love her monologue because its so simple (?) but so focused just wanting to hold his hand ☹️

your thoughts on hana were very interesting to read 😭 and ofc there’s a spin the bottle game… it wouldn’t be a party without one. :D

felix probably did have multiple reasons for why he did that, but in the moment, it definitely was the right thing to do!

i enjoyed reading your thoughts. thank you so much 🥺🫶🏻

#star lost with you

[heliosoll]

"I know I'm being very cordial in this response but I do hope it comes across that I'm sorry about hurting your feelings." Bestie shut up that is your sincerity 😭 the way you handled that whole situation has me 🥺🥰 love u and this safe and drama free blog!! Also not sure if im overstepping here but i did want to give my unsolicited personal opinion (yikes) just because i think it would give some perspective to u maybe idk jskaka. You've mentioned a few times that you to some extent see yourself coming across as blunt or maybe even me@n (censoring that bc u r not spoiler alert) and i was trying to think of how to word and explain this and i must have ✨️manifested✨️ the answer bc u literally gave me the perfect example in the tags of the ask u posted after that. A lot of shifting/loa bloggers have that really weird coddling+mean thing going on, kinda condescending and makes the bloggies feel ashamed or a bother to ask for help. There's also a lot of entitlement between those who have and have not and then mixed in with the frustration from people who are not believing in results and all that stuff, you know how it is. You aint got none of that bs here. You're very patient and I'd like to think more than blunt, it's a better word to say simple. You don't try to fluff it up or 'ive answered this a hundred times already, yall need to stop overcomplicating lol'. It has a lot to do with the way someone speaks yanno? Even in a few asks ago, you were very empathetic and gentle in saying that you know it's frustrating to hear but persist in there not being a problem and then even suggested that blanket affirmation. That kind of understanding nature is so rare to come by and its the reason why for the last few months u have become the sole shifting blog i follow and while yes i am the one who 'did' everything, it was under your guidance that i have let go of so much anxiety and disbelief. You promote the barebone necessities on this blog and that's literally all u need to shift. No limiting beliefs or backwards bragging. Your shifting post can literally be summed up by 'intention is all you really need' but you made a whoooole post about the ins and outs plus fine print. Like any question someone could possibly have, any loophole or limiting belief that could arise, you think of it beforehand and address it before it can be asked. I see that dedication and I applaud you for that like you really out here feeding a bunch of shifters for FREE 🤧 Anyways my life is so much better after finding this blog and learning how to do things the proper way. Thanks for all the effort and not enforcing any miniscule limiting beliefs. I think most people would agree that ur very friendly, kind and generally a good person, not mean at all. I've never once felt frustrated, discouraged or uncomfortable here. You're like the cool senior who looks sharp but is actually really sweet and tells all the freshman which courses to take and how to pass the class. Tldr; ur not blunt, ur just stating the facts as u should and we love u for it. This blog has brought me a lot of sollace (see what i did there) so i wanted to take the time to write this all out bc ur like my fave person evurrrrr. This is uhhhh also a bit of a doozy to post so u can absolutely delete this after u read it lmao anyway love u bestie 💓

I don't think I'll ever be able to truly express how much this means to me. This is literally the nicest ask I've ever gotten! And a little embarrassing to admit but this made me tear up a bit. Everything you said is exactly how I wanted this blog to be for people. I wanted it to be a safe space for all kinds of shifters - new and experienced. I wanted it to be an easy going space with no limiting beliefs and acceptance of all different kinds of beliefs.

I can't thank you enough for this 🥺 It makes me really happy to know that so many people feel safe and comfortable here. And I'm so glad I was able to help you too! Every now and then I wonder if I'm actually helping people so it was really nice to hear :')

This ask helped me a lot actually because I can see where you're coming from! I think I just get worried that some of my more "to the point" answers could come off as mean to people but I can see why they wouldn't as well. I don't really know what else to say this is just such a sweet message and I'll be thinking about it for a long time. Thank you so much for taking the time to quell my worries and bring in a new perspective 🥺 It really helped!!

#bro im crying #😭 #letters 🎀

[saviourkingslut]

I know this is kinda becoming Byleth Criticism Hour but omg like it's honestly so frustrating to see how hard characters fall for them - especially the lords and especially especially Gardy Wardy, with Dimitri being pretty damn strong as a character on his own and Gardykins being absolutely ruined by Byleth. Claude is about the only one that it "works" with but that's because there's barely any player pandering at all with him in the first place!

Byleth doesn't do anything for them!! Not on a personal level anyway! All they do is just let them arbitrarily go on about their lives without ANY prompting from Byleth 90% of the time, it almost always feels so forced whenever a character goes on about how much Byleth means to them personally. Sorry for ranting but it's always bugged me 😭

yeah it's one of the things about them that annoys me the most honestly. every single character immediately clocks byleth as their closest confidant and looks up to them even though byleth isn't doing anything to deserve that kind of treatment - as a merc maybe, but not a moral compass or the all-knowing being that the game presents them as. characters get unreasonably attached really quickly considering byleth is supposed to be about as emotionally unavailable as it gets. they just show up, and suddenly everyone's monologuing their deepest fears and brightest hopes at them. honestly, if you ask me, most of the time byleth barely has a hand in their character arcs, it just seems that way sometimes because everyone's monologuing themselves through their own arcs whenever they're in a support with byleth. i think one of the worst aspects of this, and this is also a result of the recruitment system, is that grown-ass characters that have entire careers can be 'taught' by byleth and act as if they're the pinnacle of knowledge. so much dissonance there.

and yeah lmao the lord characters definitely suffer from their uhhm forced attachment to byleth. edel is obviously the worst example of this, because she attaches herself like a shackle and a lot of her narrative and character is centered around byleth to the point that it hurts her individuality/strength as a character at times. hell, her 'feelings' for byleth crop up in routes where she isn't even taught by them. honestly though, while dimitri may be a very strong character on his own as you say, his immediate attachment is very much present and there are parts of the story that i dislike for the way byleth is pushed forward in the narrative. i will never truly enjoy his pivotal rain scene because byleth is really pushed as Thee most important person in his character arc that shows him how to heal. like, what for? why does the teacher you have a narratively forced attachment to interacted with for a year have this role. like what could they possibly mean to you that your, idk, life-long friends don't. and i know they couldn't have it be another character bc classic mode exists, but that doesn't mean it doesn't still annoy the fuck out of me lmao

as for there being no player pandering in vw, idk, i think there's player pandering in every route, tho it's stronger in some spots of the story and with some characters than others. what helps claude i think is that he is suspicious of byleth at first, rather than admiring - that actually fits pretty well. i mean, makes no sense that a merc with no knowledge of the church and a really weird disposition is suddenly rhea's favoured prof at garreg mach, right? his fascination comes from a different angle. i mean, it does eventually morph into the admiration/attachment without any real prompting in the end (read also: leaving it to byleth to rule fódlan for some reason) though i feel that it's never overbearing as it can be with some other characters. overall claude's initial distrust feels a lot more natural than most other characters' responses and that in turn has an effect on byleth's role in vw as a whole.

#byleth critical #asks #var don't look

[wildernessuntothemselves]

I'm the anon who asked advice about losing friends in your 20s a while back. I also feel like I get hurt and stuck on something that a lot of people would be able to get over and that's how I end up all alone,with my last friendship I tried to get over sth for 8 months,I tried with everything in me and then I had to accept defeat yet again,sometimes I feel guilty that I let people get close to me when it always ends in the same way,yk how you can tell if sth is triggering a specific trauma these

aren't instances where I can tell thats what happened but I still am holding out a little hope that when i can get therapy(even tho finding the right one is a whole pain in itself)I'll be able to treat whatever it is that Im not even aware of,I don't if you've tried it or plan to and I don't know if it'll actually help but what was quote,we deserve a soft epilogue...we deserve softness in general,specially people like us who went through so much to develop such intense issues,we deserve to have

lasting connections,I also think even when it does seem like I was unreasonably hurt or wtv even if I can't see it,it could be that I wasn't unreasonable at all,if having to give without any limit is what you learn(amongst other fucked up shit)then it's reasonable to think even if you think you know your limit you don't know it well enough and can't dig the info out yourself and need help from a professional,I'm not saying we are in the same boat,I barely know what boat I'm in but yeah I just wa

wanted to share and I'm sorry if it added more to your pain in some way,in any case I hope the patterns of pain stop repeating for you,idc if that's unrealistic,you deserve a miracle dont you think,I'm also not really sober rn so I'm sorry that what I said is all over the place

that's exactly it. it's not the words themselves it's the trauma they trigger. not to quote zefrank again but i will because that man describes what i'm going through better than i ever could

"you ever do that? project a movie from your past onto someone, vomiting emotions and feelings over some unsuspecting person? they say some little thing and suddenly you feel like you got hit by a wave and you withdraw or lunge and you feel like you did when you were small and you say, you! you made me angry, or you made me sad.

and it's hard enough to have a conversation with someone and now you're having it with ghosts too. ghosts that once made you feel shunned or angry or alone or maybe even made you feel like you might get annihilated altogether."

anyway i did go to therapy for a long time and you're right finding the right person is a challenge in itself. it took me years to find the right one and that's how i know where my problem is. the issue is that i stopped going to her for a couple of reasons and i haven't been able to get over the issue yet.

but my therapist did tell me once that if i feel like i'm shying away from someone for an unknown reason then i probably do have a reason, i just don't know it. the two specific examples she gave me made sense but now without her i can't judge if i do have a valid reason and i don't know it or if i'm just running away

i do hope they stop too but they've been repeating over and over again for so long that i'm just exhausted at this point and every time they repeat, it makes me want to fight back less. idk don't you sometimes feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with you and that's why you'll never get it right? that you weren't built for the daily struggles of life and that it would be so much easier if you just ceased to exist?

#don't worry about me i'm not suicidal #i'm just in one of my moods #perfect for writing for yamqn tho lol #i'll go try to channel that #mort talks #wish you all the best

[1d1195]

🎀-anon

So, how was your pedicure? What color did you choose? (If you did ask for manicure too)

You deserve all the cute stuff in the world😭🎀 I got up from a very long nap. My head is hurting, but that's fine. I'll take some painkillers, but anyway, so..oh! Yes! I have a lot of exams rn uni is very stressful and I'm only a sophomore😭 but I do care about every class cause I have a lot of dreams and I will hopefully achieve them one day. Btw I'm studying English literature and translation (Arabic - English). I'm an Arab!

Yk, sometimes I feel like I'm the mom in my group of friends, too but getting to know more people i learned that my bff is the mom shes always telling ppl off when they are being rude go me like the other day a colleague of ours was like twlling me that "i dont know anything about Hamlet" like literally 5 minutes before the exam (was she expecting me to help her cheat?)😭😭 so my friend was like oh and what should we do? She's so awesome.🎀

So my exams today went well, pretty well. I don't know why I stress sm when I do well, but I'm thankful. I STILL HAVE 3 OTHER 😭 I literally hate this lifestyle but I'm just a girl yk?

So my ex friend.. well she was toxic from the beginning but I don't know why I kept her I just think she wasn't as bad? Like well she is a bit of a pick me (I'm not trying to talk bad about her I swear I just can't find a suitable description other than that) so when the doctors started acknowledging me in classes she came up to me and started making conversations. So I noticed that she was toxic when she was convincing me to give her answers and when she took my notes without even asking and always, always turning the tables. I swear to God it took me a year and a half to make the decision of cutting her off. Even the prof who I was doing the presentation for and stopped her from ruining it noticed and she talked to me asking me what happened and that she always saw us together, but I didn't want to talk bad about her I just said that I think we're better now and that I don't want to get back to that state again (overthinking if I am the one who's being a lot and not respecting the other person's feelings) but to be honest the breaking point was when she said that I'm trying to show myself off in the presentations we did together I was deeply hurt and the next week she and her circle (one of them being the first girl I knew in campus) but they all sent me looks without talking to me I was with my other group of friends like usual and when I talked to my other friend, mutual friend, she said that the ex friend talked about me with all of them and told them that "I changed and I don't hang out with them anymore and that I am a lot of other stuff" so I decided to stand for myself and now I don't even care about her she's just being rude for no reason (idk why my haters are increasing by time😭 they're just being rude but when I don't act as kind as I did back as a freshman they just hate on me but I don't care that's how we should be right?)

So yeah.. that's the whole story💕💕💕

I STILL HAVE TO TELL YOU ABOUT THIS GUY WHO ACTS LIKE THE WICKED STEP MOTHER😭😭😭 HE'S AN ASSHOLE ALWAYS TRYING TO HARASS ME AND SOMETIMES MY FRIENDS I HATE HIM OHHH THATS GONNA BE A LONG ONE TELL ME IF YOU WANNA HEAR IT?😭

My pedicure was good! I picked like this light blue sparkly color. I'm a little bummed it smudged a little (I did a regular pedicure not gel).

I'm sorry about the headache I hope it's gone away since you messaged! As always, I'm so in awe of anyone that can speak two languages. I can barely speak English and it's the only language I know 😭 It sounds like your bff is the best! I love that for you! THREE MORE EXAMS?! You are a trooper.

As for your toxic ex-friend: the very first thing you said? You're not sure why you kept her around? I don't want to put words in your mouth (nor compare yourself to me, I know we're still getting to know each other). I for one have kept a lot of people in my life who I probably shouldn't have for much longer than they needed to be. I tend to naively see the best in everyone even if it's harmful to myself. Unfortunately, I'm wrong a lot. But on some level they WERE your friend, right? Like you did things together, had stuff in common, for better or for worse there was a connection and I don't think that's something that just happens and it's hard to just ignore that connection past it's prime if you will.

I'm glad you stood up for yourself, that's something I definitely DO NOT do. I'm glad you have a good friend group to support you and that you're pulling away from your ex-friend. It's natural to grow apart from friends that no longer help you be the best version of yourself so I'm glad you have a group of friends that are kind and lovely towards you 💕

You can tell me all the tea of whoever you want! Bring on the wicked step mother! 😈

xoxo

#🎀

[multiplicity-positivity]

hi, i dont use tumblr ask stuff often so i dont really know how im supposed to start this but i was hoping you could help me figure myself out a little since i cannot talk to any sort of therapist / psychologist about this lol...

i think im going to send this to a good couple system help type blogs to try and figure this out cause i need Help

i am a minor with cptsd and audhd. i am physically and mentally disabled [dyscalculia]. i have been suicidal for as long as i can remember [and i can remember very far back]. i had a lot of periods in my childhood where i go Blank for a while [memory wise. i would "wake up" somewhere else the middle of an action and have no idea what was going on or why i was there] or felt out of control of my body, i dont know if this has lessened or if i have just grown used to the feeling if that makes sense

ive been questioning whether or not im a system for a Long while now but i never get far with it because i literally cannot figure myself out.

when i was a child [this is abt when i was around 8] i was heavily in denial about the fact that i wanted to die. i knew my parents [abusive] would react Badly and also i was religious and raised to believe i would burn in hell for it so i just Refused to admit that i hated living. i didnt actually know what the word "suicidal" meant. one day i saw it on the news with my parents [it was some headline like "suicide rates rising" or sum idfk sorry] and my mother said "who would be crazy enough to try and kill themselves" and i answered back "haha yeah..." and i heard a voice behind me [like Right in my ear behind me] say "you would" [as in you would be crazy enough] and i was fucking terrified cause as previously mentioned i was raised religious and thought this was a demon trying to tempt me into sin because holy Shit a disembodied voice is speaking to me telling me about my deepeet darkest secrets. i looked behind me and asked my mother if she said anything and she said no and gave me a weird look. i dont know if this makes sense but when i heard its voice i saw like a Flash of information [???] like. i saw its eyes [red, part of the reason i was convinced it was a demon] and got the fact that its fem looking and got the info that it Knows me and it Knows more [sorry if this doesnt make sense], some personality facts[?], and that its older than me?? i never mentioned anything to anyone because i was convinced they would hurt me if i did. i felt its presence in the back of my mind [it didnt speak often but even when silent i could feel it there like rhe way you know when someones staring at you]. i kept refusing it and saying i did not want it and eventually i felt it fade [not the right word but idk wtf to say. it went In or it just disapeared or something]. i felt kind of at a loss when it happened cause i didnt know what to do. i considered the idea that it was trying to help me but even if it was i had no clue what it was. i asked another did/osdd blog abt this before and they said for me to look into bpd or aspd but i cant find the blog anymore

since then i have been never heard the voice behind me or any other voice. i dont know if it was an alter who went dormant or just some weird dream or hallucination or what.

anyways i was hoping you could shed some light on this in literally anyway you could.

if you think it was an alter could you Please tell me anyway i could try and contact it or anything at all

if not Do you have Any idea what it was...

thank you for reading all this either way

Hello! So this is something we can’t figure out for you - you’ll have to learn more about yourself in your own way. We know you said you don’t have access to a therapist or psychologist, but it sounds like you could really use one! Even if you’re not a system, dealing with something serious like CPTSD can be overwhelming, daunting, and scary on your own, especially when coupled with other disorders or neurodivergencies.

If you’re in school, do you have access to a school counselor, therapist, social worker, or trusted teacher? Talking to an adult you trust about this may be incredibly beneficial for you. It’s so hard to learn what mental illnesses may affect you and heal from complex trauma without any outside help! Be careful though - if it’s not safe at home you wouldn’t want to share this information with an adult who will tell your parents without your consent.

While we can’t and don’t want to diagnose you, we will say that this sounds like it could be a system experience. Before we knew we were a system, our host would occasionally experience what he thought were auditory and visual hallucinations as the rest of us tried to make contact with him. This happened regularly for most of our life, and it wasn’t until we were 24 years old that one of our protectors was finally able to break through and get our host to realize we’re a system.

We also have dealt with heavy amounts of suicidal thinking for what feels like our whole life. Our first suicide attempt was at 12 years old, and we have attempted a handful of times since then. Grappling with memory loss, traumatic flashbacks, depersonalization/derealization, severe depression and anxiety, and many of the other issues that come from complex trauma have generally made life not worth living for us. We are getting help, but we still seriously struggle to make it through each day. For us, this has come with the territory of having a complex dissociative disorder. It sounds like you may be going through something similar.

Please know that you’re not alone in your struggles and there is still hope for you! We’ve made a post on establishing contact with alters to include in this answer, and you can check it out here. Remember that it’s okay to question plurality, to wonder if your a system and to attempt to connect with alters. Even if it turns out you’re not a system, you likely will learn something about yourself in the process.

We hope this response is somewhat useful for you. Thank you so much for reaching out. We’re here for you and we wish the very best for your future, whatever that may hold! Good luck with everything, and take care!

🌸 Margo, 🖋 Cecil, and 🐢 Kip

#questioning system #suicide tw #suicidal thinking tw #long post

[pacifymebby]

Ok so this will probably be the final update before the pregnancy update but I had to go to his place to pick up my things and I went inside to say goodbye to his dog. And basically we ended up spending like a half an hour sobbing in each other’s arms. Not my finest moment. Especially when I’m supposed to be being mad at him. He explained to me a bit more about why he chose to end things and I suppose I do understand him a bit better now because it had to do with his previous relationship. He seemed genuinely remorseful and like absolutely fucking devastated over it all. But if he was so devastated to let me go then why did he even do it when we could’ve worked things out??? Like when I say sobbing I mean he was nearly as bad as me like breaking down. Idk why but I feel a bit better now knowing he does still care for me and that it’s hurting him to to do this. He seemed genuinely pained to see me crying and in pain and not in a it makes him uncomfortable kind of way but in an empathetic and like it actually hurts him to see me hurt. Again not my finest moment but we kissed… I don’t regret it though because I really just needed to feel it one last time. Now that it’s really over I feel a sort of calmness but I also want to throw myself off a building if you get what I mean? Im still so fucking pissed off but I’m glad I didn’t lose my shit at him because I think letting him know how angry I let him get me would be more embarrassing than letting him see me cry. Anyway I will send in a message on Tuesday probably to let you know if I’ve either gotten my period or if I’ve taken the tests and what the results are. Does it sound weird if I’m kind of hoping I am pregnant? I know I was freaking out at first and I still am but I’ve grown quite attached to the idea and I really don’t think he’d leave me own my own with the kid. I’m pretty sure that if put in the situation he would step up (despite being cunt these past few days) sorry for the massive message! - age gap crush anon

Okay so I guess this is a more complicated one and I couldn't really give advice without knowing even vaguely what the issues with the past relationship was.

Cause its like you say, instinctively, if he's so devestated to lose you why hasn't he tried harder to keep you and work things out with you? There are some situations where I understand this 100% but most of them I'm always a bit hmmm about them. Maybe I have wayyy too high a standard of people but generally I think if someone's going to be heartbroken by something, and it's a fixable problem, I don't see why they don't try, for their own happiness apart from anything else.

Like self sabotage does annoy me, and that's said entirely self awarely as someone who has a habit of self sabotaging herself a lot.

But it's not a good thing to do and not when it hurts both you and someone else. I think that like, stay friends with him if you like but make it clear ur 100% not waiting around for him and he's losing you because idk, I get wary when they dump you and then turn the tears on themselves.

As for the pregnancy thing, honestly I think it's good if you're accepting that you might be and are making peace with a possibility. There's no point being scared and upset and panicking. It's better for your mental health this way. But also like, try not to expect to rely on this man. Like, I kind of don't trust him I guess.

You know more than I do in this situation though because like I said you know his other reasons and stuff.

It really is a shitty and difficult situation though lovely and my heart goes out to you so message me whenever you need to ❤️❤️❤️❤️