#as helpful as it is for my own records and others' its just not realistic | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

irradiatedpiratebooty · 5 months

Note

Pleeeease do tell me more about Francis. Why did he leave the Children? Why did he join them in the first place? What did he do down in that bunker for three years, and what was getting out like? How did he meet the companions he hangs around with?

so, i'm gonna go in order of the timeline of events in his life. and please forgive some mistakes in the writing, i unfortunately didn't luck out with my abilities, and don't usually write anything more than footnotes. though i'm hoping the more I write out posts like this, the better i'll get :)

I also made goofy doodles to accompany the writing to compensate, and to better visualize what i'm trying to convey.

growing up, he mostly drifted from place to place with his family, which mostly consisted of him, his aunt, uncle, and two other cousins of his. his aunt adopted him at a very, very young age.

they mostly kept to DC, but eventually wanted to travel more east.

eventually though, due to family drama and disagreements, his family disbanded and he just traveled with his aunt. His aunt was VERY close with the rest of his family, so their departure took a toll on her.

she was pretty desperate to fill the void that was left, so when the children of atom offered relief from the feeling of abandonment, it didn't take much convincing.

the only catch was they had to leave DC and join the expedition to the commonwealth.

so, how did Francis join the children of atom?

Francis was about 18 at the time, and was used to just- going wherever his aunt went. so he didn't really question it and tagged along. He listened to the preachings and started to buy into the ideology himself. his aunt began to firmly believe too, so that helped condition Francis.

why did he eventually leave?

he left at the age of 20, knowing damn well what the cult does to dissenters. he was aiming to make it all the way back to DC and rejoin his family, but without the travel supplies that isn't realistically possible.

plus he's never been to Boston before, so he had no idea what direction to go in.

what did he do for 3 years?

he managed to wander his way to sanctuary, where he met Nate. (who i decided to make into an old ghoul, who protected vault 111 from the outside. he believed in the rumor that the vault was a cryo-facility, and that comforted him.)

Francis was half-dead when he wandered onto Nate's front yard, but Nate is nice and saw Francis as the exact opposite of a threat. think a newborn puppy on freshly polished tile.

he offered Francis his own bomb-shelter to stay in, taught him how to cook (which ended up being a new hobby for Francis.)

Nate is like a dad to him, so it worked out nicely.

Francis has high perception, and he's not stupid. (he just has TERRIBLE charisma)

so, with his S.P.E.C.I.A.L. attributes in mind, He began to question the fact Nate had never opened the vault, and tried to convince Nate to finally check in on his family. Nate refused at first, but after sleeping on the idea, he agreed. only to be met with the realization that his spouse was mysteriously murdered, son kidnapped, and only a recording of the crime. (thanks alternate start mod)

baffled by the fact that nobody ever opened the vault doors since the bombs fell, and now troubled with grief, Nate struggled to even face it all. Francis, wanting to repay Nate for giving him a place to live comfortably and safe from the cult who may use him to set an example for others who are thinking of turning their back on atom- promised that he'll seek out Nora's murderer, and most importantly, find their infant son.

where the rest of the game's plot plays out.

one thing to note though is his face markings. like the third eye of atom and the other rings around his face. usually its just makeup in game, but francis, at the time, wanted to prove his devotion in the most... non-lethal way he could think of. and so he got it basically tattooed. talk about regretful tattoos. with all that backstory being said, Francis is pretty happy most of the time!

sure, he's been through a lot, but he tries to see the positives in things. his main goal in life, during the acts in the main story, is to just finally have a place he can call home. maybe one with a comfy couch and a nice garden.

#my art #doodles #fallout 4 #ocs #francis #long post #i hope this isnt too much info at once!#having to restrain my impulse to dump as much information as possible #mainly because i dont want to answer everything at once #where theres no questions left for him #i know it all REEKS of fanfic but its fun #hopefully things become more coherent the more i make these :)

45 notes · View notes

fandomrouletteburrito · 5 months

Text

Dude I feel so awful for Homura. From Scene 0 it looks like so far (I’m still on day 4) even if Homura gets allies she cannot save Madoka, from Magia Record even a whole slew of Magicial Girls trying to fight their fate Madoka’s fate still could not be prevented.

And its like

Tw grooming

I cannot believe how well Kyubey groomed all the girls and how Mabuyu was able to somewhat realize she was going to be groomed.

I wonder how well represented the way Kyubey’s grooming is, I think its pretty realistic. Of the constant manipulation and switching tactice when the girls dont respond well at first. Of targeting girls who are at their weakest, leaving alone the girls who wont respond, making the girls feel so lonely that they of their own volition find other girls to join them unknowingly continuing the cycle of abuse.

And I never thought about how easy of a target Madoka herself is! Shes the prime target! Kyubey only goes to Sayaka after Madoka’s introduces Sayaka to him, Sayaka did have the foresight to not trust Kyubey which Madoka who was underconfident and believed she was absolutely useless did not. Madoka’s total lack of faith in herself made her a really good target for Kyubey’s grooming and its AWFUL. Its not Madoka’s fault that her STILL developing confidence was taken advantage off like this. And I can imagine the frusteration Homura felt trying her best to undo that grooming and all of it falling in deaf ears, trying to get someone who is being groomed to recognize they are is an extremely difficult task even for full grown adults with experience!

It just breaks my heart that there was no winning for anyone.

And oh my god the horror of realizing Mami was also helping Kyubey groom girls into being magical girls. Mami had no idea thats what was done to her and actually continuing the cycle by pulling other girls to join her.

The contrast of how Kyoko kind of broke away a bit of that same grooming by refusing to recruit other girls unless they were fully informed and chose that decision(which i know isnt a real educated decision but the best decision a teen can make at that time). It kind of shows also how there are diff ways of breaking away from it too no matter how small. Kyoko cannot stop fighting or being a magicial girl as her life depends on it but she IS preventing other girls from following her path by very simply not involving them.

But man, Homura’s helplessness hits so hard. I feel like Scene0 really expanded on that and showed how severly Homura’s mind had broken because it HAS.

#madoka magica #pmmm #pmmm scene0 #scene0 #scene 0 #homura akemi #tw grooming #madoka kaname #miki sayaka #mami tomoe #sakura kyoko #mabuyu aki #kyubey #puella magi madoka magica

32 notes · View notes

alertarchitect · 2 months

Text

Full disclosure, this is a long one. It's also a vent post. I'm mainly writing this out to help get the thoughts and feelings regarding this kind of organized and out of my head, makes dealing with them just a little easier. Maybe it'll help you put to words your own thoughts & feelings on this kinda shit, too, and if it does, I'm glad my screaming into the void at least helped out someone other than myself! After all, if anything I say, write, or do ends up helping at least one other person, then maybe I'm doing something right :]

Sometimes having long-time special interests in an ongoing franchise FUCKING SUCKS. Perfect example - I am both a big Halo nerd, and really enjoy the overaching lore of Bungie's connected worlds (with how Marathon, Pathways into Darkness, Myth, Destiny, and even the ways Halo originally connected before it had to become its own thing thanks to Microsoft). Here are the ways that currently sucks:

The state of Halo Infinite, the most recent Halo game, both currently and at launch. At launch, you had a buggy mess, with multiplayer that barely functioned, lacking feature parity (even just on the multiplayer side of things, not counting the campaign) with Halo Reach, a game from 2010. Currently, 343i has admittedly fixed a lot of the launch issues - there's more customization than the game has ever had before (still not as good as Reach's customization imo, but at this point I've given up hope on any multiplayer AAA game having that level of customization for free ever again), the desync issues (in my experience) are no longer happening, and it has the most powerful Forge mode in any Halo game to date. The flip side of that, though? Egregiously horrendous monetization, an armor core and coating system that both hurt the customization more than help, and a drip-feed of content with little to no communication from 343 on anything past the most recent update. Not to mention the issues that come from a focus on "Live Service" bullshit.

The issues at 343 Industries itself, which come part and parcel with the massive issues related to Microsoft as a company. Massive megacorporation, horrible management, staff getting screwed over, crunch culture, and more - it just goes on and on.

Halo 5, despite its generally negative reception, is horrendously inaccessible to those of us that want to experience it as a piece of history and/or try out the multiplayer. A perfect example of how little companies care about game preservation, despite the decent track record 343i has had in that respect thanks to the Master Chief Collection, its PC release and addition of Halo Reach, and the efforts to find, occasionally recreate from almost nothing, and implement lost & cut content in the MCC titles.

Being a fan of Bungie's overarching stuff... really bad when you are at PEAK investment into their stuff, namely my Destiny 2 hyperfixation, and they not only announce that their new Marathon game is going to be a fucking EXTRACTION SHOOTER, and thus unlikely to have one of the most interesting things about Marathon in it (that being its lore) while also being very hard to get into thanks to people treating that kind of game as a massive sweat-fest, but also suddenly lay off a bunch of employees (when previously they had a good track record of treating employees decently...) due to Square Enix levels of profit overestimations of Lightfall, the BEST SELLING DESTINY EXPANSION EVER only getting 45% of the expected sales. Because why be realistic, right? Just fuck over employees, that certainly won't hurt us in the end!

The fact that, despite ALL OF THIS and my moral convictions against the shitty nature of this stuff, my dumbass brain still wants me to just spend spend spend on it anyway because of how much of a special interest Halo & the Bungie lore are to me - it almost hurts. I generally prefer fantasy stuff, but I can't stop myself from loving the lore and stories associated with this stuff. I have to fight myself every goddamn time I have money to not fall into the traps. It's easier with Destiny - I uninstalled it, replaced my PvE needs with Warframe and Risk of Rain 2, replaced my PvP needs with Halo Infinite, and just keep up with the story from a distance. But now that Halo Infinite is back in my life? I love the gameplay, hell I'd go as far as to say it has some of the strongest gameplay in the series (though some modes could use a bit more work, for example the Infection mode just isn't as fun as the Infection from Halo Reach), but the monetization just... AAAARGH it hurts me that I want to spend on it, both for customization and to have little goals to work towards in the (thankfully well-implemented due to them being available eternally) battle passes.

I just want to be able to love something that's been so central to me for so long - I played a cracked version of the CE PC demo for countless hours growing up, to the point that to this day I know the mission Silent Cartographer back to front from memory & could do it in my sleep, and associate Blood Gulch with countless memories of Halo's multiplayer from how often I'd play it with my sister, and to add onto all of that Halo Reach is one of my favorite games ever made, period - without caveats and moral hangups. I just want to love something without justifying it every time I think of it, both to myself and others.

I know this is a massively first-world issue, having the luxury to whine about my Favorite Things going through years and years of getting fucked by their own successes driving them into corporatism, but it still sucks. Obviously not as much as other issues both myself and others deal with, and DEFINITELY not as much as the horrible shit people are enduring in several parts of the world, but just enough for me to want/need to vent about how much corporations like to shit on the little rays of sunshine that we use to feel better about life.

#vent post #halo #halo infinite #marathon #pathways into darkness #myth the fallen lords #destiny 2 #corporate bullshit #fuck corpos #just let me have nice things in peace goddammit #why does everything have to be fucked with SO MUCH over time #I just want comfort games I don't have to think about the real-world bullshit of too much #but unfortunately my brain landed on options that #while not the WORST by any stretch of the imagination #I mean just LOOK at the state of CoD Battlefield and just...#EVERYTHING that was touched by the Shitty Wizard Franchise #which I only mention due to how many people I've known who had to find a completely new comfort media after JKR proved herself to be a TERF #it still sucks that it's nearly impossible to find something that isn't either problematic or actively getting enshittified #at least in my favorite genres #namely FPS games (both modern and retro) and Metroidvanias #and while the latter isn't too bad #the former just gets infested with so much assholery and corpo fuckery that #you either have to play an indie game made by one person who could turn out shit at any time and that is so niche there's no multiplayer #or just deal with the shittiness involved with getting too attached to a franchise owned and produced by a megacorporation #and unfortunately I got attached to one of the latter from a young age so #at least I can feel a little better now that I've kinda gotten the bulk of my thoughts about it off of my chest #which I honestly REALLY needed to do #so that's good at least

5 notes · View notes

marvelstars · 11 months

Text

I know Vader being "obssesed" with Obi-Wan is a trend in the fandom that even some creators joke with but I personally don´t buy it, my main clue is what he tells Obi-Wan in a New Hope "You should not have come back"

Vader was mad, hurt, angry at Obi-Wan alright but Anakin didn´t delude himself about his responsibility and in fact even if he did, Sidious was happy to twist the knife to keep Anakin chained to the darkside with his guilt. Vader isn´t the kind of character who blames others for his actions, as a villian he knows very well what he´s about, in fact most of his murders of Jedi post ROTS were a job for him, it wasn´t even personal anymore and it only increased his self-hate.

Vader´s way of dealing with his trauma was to look forward and deal with the present, with what he had, meaning the Empire and Sidious and try to make some sense of what he was doing, his "lest put order in the galaxy" phrase is both a childhood dream but also a way he could bring some measure of motivation/freedom of choice in his life and something that he realistically, could try to do as second in command of the Empire, as long as it dind´t get in the way of his master´s plans, he took Shmi´s counsel to heart "don´t look back" and pretty much expected to kill or be killed by his old master when it came the time but if it happened, it had to be the will of the force,nothing less would do for him.

I believe Vader´s used his slave mentality to keep going under Sidious "apprenticeship" because it also helped him to survive when he was a child, its curious how he does exactly what Sidious asks him, nothing more, nothing less, except in some instances, he choose to destroy the records of children born with force habilities so Sidious didn´t get to them and do what he did with him, most of the inquisitors where force sensitive kids already known because they used to be part of the temple.

He keeps personal projects behind his master back, just like he did as a kid and he actually tries to bring some measure of what he sees as good, fair and correct within his area of influence, with the understanding that no matter what he does, he will never be forgiven because he´s now a Sith and a traitor and there´s no way back from the darkside.

I also think this is why Luke message was more powerful than Ahsoka´s pleas or Obi-Wan´s arguments, because for both of them Anakin was as well as buried and dead, they were crying when they saw him because for them Vader was their dead friend walking, this only made Vader mad, there was no hope for him, even if he went with them but Luke dind´t saw a dead man, he saw his very alive father chained to the darkside by his own hate and guilt, so he brought the possibility of change, of the idea that the darkside wasn´t absolute, the he could come back to the light and Vader didn´t have to stay chained to the DS and to the Emperor if he didn´t want to and that made all the difference in the end.

#anakin skywalker #darth vader #star wars

14 notes · View notes

beardedmrbean · 20 days

Note

And if I was the head writer, I would say Yasuke made a secret deal with the Tokugawas saying he will keep the Europeans busy in the surrounding areas so they won’t have a chance to unite their Armandas to attack Japan

You can do a story line a what if Yasuke story if your smart enough. But these modern hacks can’t

Also another hilarious news on the same day red main menu drop

https://x.com/culturecrave/status/1777553964327936133?s=46

Jeez almost like using a saying most white Americans are scared shitless to say, criticizing a trope that most people can only think of one actor playing (who also played god in one movie sooo)

Also like um, realistically a black magical person from say New York that also lives nearby Chinatown would have different magical abilities than a voodoo doctor from Louisiana bayou

Erasing their worshippers, their records, and their names for eons. Until they were able to whisper their names again, and now they are spoken from a sick, yet creative prophet that made sure all knows their names

PRAISE CLUTHLU- whoops brainstorming sorry

Also funny enough I seen the regressive of black roles from PROGRESSIVES especially those that support pop feminism

Like the audience would love more black action leaders. But when you have Marxists in the writing rooms thinking all black Americans are mentally challenged and all people solely get their ideas of non whites from entertainment

Then your shit out of luck

Oh hey, my suggestion for dlc of Yasuke going to Goa, India is using the theories that he went there, and in lore it’s very not unusual for different branches of the assassin brotherhood to help each other as they can say the Indian assassins need help and Yasuke goes there And if I was the head writer, I would say Yasuke made a secret deal with the Tokugawas saying he will keep the Europeans busy in the surrounding areas so they won’t have a chance to unite their Armandas to attack Japan You can do a story line a what if Yasuke story if your smart enough. But these modern hacks can’t

Beauty of historical fiction, you can make stuff up, not documents saying he DIDN'T go to India....

You'd have to fast forward a little bit for the Tokegawa bit I'd think, they both worked for the same guy so maybe not, depends on how they write it I suppose.

Also, fiction.

This is beautiful, I'm gonna give it its own post too

Jeez almost like using a saying most white Americans are scared shitless to say, criticizing a trope that most people can only think of one actor playing (who also played god in one movie sooo) Also like um, realistically a black magical person from say New York that also lives nearby Chinatown would have different magical abilities than a voodoo doctor from Louisiana bayou

Folks were mentioning black Hogwarts, which wouldn't work you need it to be regional, which I think we've been over before.

NYC gets it's own and there's 5 houses so the people from the different boroughs can just maintain their general attitude about the others.

Or that Massachusetts fuckers that suspiciously goes to a town that not on the map named “Arkham” and try to bring back those beings that self proclaimed to be the original rulers of earth because the “Others” attacked them and imprisoned them Erasing their worshippers, their records, and their names for eons. Until they were able to whisper their names again, and now they are spoken from a sick, yet creative prophet that made sure all knows their names PRAISE CLUTHLU- whoops brainstorming sorry

Was gonna say that doesn't ring a bell too me, but I don't know much Lovecraft.

But hey got an idea go and run with it.

Also funny enough I seen the regressive of black roles from PROGRESSIVES especially those that support pop feminism Like the audience would love more black action leaders. But when you have Marxists in the writing rooms thinking all black Americans are mentally challenged and all people solely get their ideas of non whites from entertainment Then your shit out of luck

It's incredible how your perception of which groups are racist or bigoted or discriminatory and not can start to change if you put this lens in your spyglass and look around.

#zoomer huey anon

4 notes · View notes

spectresyne · 4 months

Note

would you ever consider making video content of your model design/animation process?

or give any advice to someone who’s desperately trying to break into mod creation 😸

Wow, hello! I never get messages here, haha. Unfortunately, I'm like.. genuinely terrible at trying to teach what I know to others, and I'm not even sure my computer could handle recording a video while still working the programs I use. Not reliably, for sure. I can try to offer advice, but on more of a question-and-answer basis. It's hard for me to know where to even begin if someone doesn't ask about what exactly they're aiming to create, first, y'know? idk if that makes any sense. As far as mod creation goes, I have nothing to offer- I don't know how to code a mod in java. I've only made models using the infrastructure of existing mods and plugins, namely Optifine, MorePlayerModels, and ModelEngine, and a lot of vanilla work lately, too. These all involve some kind of coding, but it's pretty strictly limited to .json files, and nothing with actual java code.

I self-taught myself everything I know. Found out Blockbench was free, opened it up a few years ago, and just started brute forcing my way into making it do the thing I wanted (at that time, it was making a horse into a griffon with optifine. 'Start small' is not really my M.O.)

I looked up a lot of documentation for the plugins and mods I was using. Those helped a lot, as did searching up minecraft's own resources (they put a lot of articles and guides out for making this stuff, nowadays, though it's more for bedrock than java.) I also opened up things that others made and released, just to see how they did things- eventually I could pick them apart and kind of reverse-engineer the ideas to understand what I should be doing, too, with my own work. I encourage anyone wanting to learn to do this to my work, too! Bust 'em open and tear 'em apart, get at the inner workings! You can always re-download the file if you break it beyond repair :D Understanding the base of what I had to work with went a long way toward knowing just what I can make a 3D model do when it came to Blockbench, such as knowing if it could use emissive glow textures, animations (texture or model based kinds), or translucency. Or even knowing just how hard I can push an animation- for example, with MPM, animations can do a LOT, but it takes a lot of fiddling to make, say, a realistic quadruped walk cycle fit into the very short window of time the minecraft walk animation plays for. Because with MPM, there's no way to control the time of an animation- only the amount of frames within it. Stuff like that. And that's different for every mod, so you'll have to look into the one you're using, or making, and work within its bounds. I do tons of trial-and-error of loading and reloading things in-game to see what something I changed will do... then go back to fix whatever broke in the process. I often have to redo this kind of thing even for techniques I've done before, because I forget to take notes, and then also forget what I did correctly in the first place. It's kind of awful lmao. Anyway, this became a huge ramble and I don't think I even answered the questions very well... sorry.

#minecraft #ask #3D modeling #text #blockbench

3 notes · View notes

leafdebrief · 2 months

Text

RE✱BRIEF

Part 1: The Plot So Far

Leaf Debrief began as a podcast in late 2020 with the rather simple goal of providing an accurate, accessible, uncensored, and entertaining source of information about cannabis.

I launched it with my friend and co-host, Enzo, shortly after the launch of legal cannabis in Canada. We were both excited about the potential of this new industry and wanted to share our enthusiasm with others, but we also wanted to be realistic about the challenges and risks that come with it—a source of information that people felt they could trust.

We had a lot of fun making the podcast, but it was also a lot of work and came with an unforeseen challenge: balancing our love for the plant with our growing concerns about the industry.

We were both becoming increasingly disillusioned with the industry and the direction it was heading in, while simultaneously also becoming increasingly concerned about the environmental impact of cannabis production and consumption that this new industry was carelessly ushering in.

We were both feeling a bit lost and unsure of what to do next, and as the onslaught of COVID-19 began, the need to find a solution to the destructive nature of capitalism as a whole became increasingly dire and left us fraught with a sense of urgency that can be heard in our voices more with every passing episode.

By the 8th episode Enzo's conscience was audibly worn to tatters, and by the next recording, we were announcing his decision to retire from the podcast entirely.

I recorded once more with a couple of guests from the cannabis space to get a feel for his absence, and was then left to decide whether or not I wanted to continue on my own. I decided to take a break and think about it, and in the meantime I began to explore other ways of sharing my thoughts and ideas about cannabis and the industry.

I started writing more on Twitter because I had previously found it to be a great way to connect with others in the cannabis space during the podcast, and eventually started to feel as though I could use it as a platform to drive social change from within that space.

Over time this model grew and blossomed into something that I felt was working well: I was able to be authentic and honest, which had the effect of quickly drawing in a small but dedicated audience of like-minded people who were also interested in driving social change from within the cannabis space.

I was able to connect with people in ways that allowed me to use cannabis as a medium for activism and mutual aid due to the fact that I was working a "real job" and didn't need to rely on cannabis for income. My living expenses were low enough that I could afford to use my resources to create things that I could give away in exchange for donations to others who needed them more than I did, which allowed to effectively multiply the impact of my own resources.

I was able to use my privilege to help others, and it felt great.

Over time the show grew to include a variety of different formats, and the material began to coalesce into repeated themes that almost formed a narrative of their own. It felt like Leaf Debrief was beginning to take on a life of its own, and I felt that with a little more time it might've grown into something that could actually make a difference by just following the momentum of this model.

That model was unfortunately damaged badly by the recent acquistion of the platform by Elon Musk, and resulted in a fragmentation of the community that I felt was beginning to form. The larger culture wars that have been raging on the platform for years have been exacerbated by the acquisition, and the platform became increasingly toxic and hostile to people I care about, while simultaneously adopting a less punitive approach to the people who were responsible for that toxicity and hostility and even rewarding them for it.

The business side of the platform began to take precedence over the platform itself to accommodate for the company's hemorrhaging of money, due largely to the new policies that drove advertisers away for fear of being associated with the toxicity and hostility. Eventually the model of the business took on a structure that was designed to exploit every aspect of the platform for profit, and I was left with a choice: continue to use the platform and settle for complicity in the toxic culture that was forming, or leave the platform and risk fragmenting the community further.

I chose the latter, and unfortunately it resulted in a significant loss of momentum.

The close group of people I felt strongly were working towards the same goal as me got swept up in disillusionment and most of them simply resigned themselves to the notion that the world is doomed and there's nothing we can do about it. This just drove me to work harder, but it also left me feeling increasingly isolated and alone due to the alienation I felt from the people I had previously felt so connected to, who were becoming increasingly intolerant of my aggressive push for action.

It was already clear to me that I was pushing too hard and too fast, but the urgency of the larger situation in the world—wealth inequality, climate change, and the rise of fascism—left me unable to slow down as all signs pointed to the need to speed up.

To make matters worse, the cannabis space itself was not the progressive utopia I had perhaps foolishly hoped it would be.

It was rife with the same problems that plague the rest of the world, and the people who were in positions of power were not interested in changing the status quo. My scope of influence was limited to the people who were interested in listening to me, but those people were completely exhausted by the constant barrage of bad news and were at this point just trying to survive.

I was trying to push them to do more and unable to understand why they weren't, and they were trying to get me to slow down and unable to understand why I wouldn't. It was a mess, and did a lot of damage to the relationships I had built with people I cared about. The results of those conflicts are consequences I'd already anticipated, but I was not prepared for the scope of the fragmentation that would result from the loss of our previous platform and rebuilding those relationships is an ongoing process that continues to be a challenge.

At the present, I'm left with a very small but very driven and dedicated group of people who are still working towards the same goal as me, and I'm trying to figure out how to move forward with them towards something that can actually make a difference but the scale of what I want to do is going to need more organization and structure than I can provide on my own.

I need help, and this is why I'm writing: to have a model of what I'm even asking for so that hopefully the process of figuring out how to collaborate will fall into place more easily.

The few people who are still working with me are all very busy with their own lives and I don't want to burden them with the task of figuring out what I need from them, and I'm wary of asking for too much from them because I don't want to risk losing them as well.

My partner Asia has been a huge help in this regard, and has been a constant source of support and encouragement throughout this entire process. Our lives recently have been more tumultuous as well though, and we've been constantly trying to find new ways to balance her need for stability with my need for change.

We've been trying to find new ways to work together that allow us to support each other while also pursuing our own goals, and it's been a challenge. We're both very passionate about the same things, but we're also very different people with very different needs and desires.

As of December 2023, Asia is also transitioning to a new job that will allow her to work from home or anywhere else in the world, which will hopefully allow us to travel more and focus on building new things, but will be taking a significant pay cut in the process which will put more pressure on me to find new ways to support us both comfortably and still have resources left over to dedicate to this project (which is still going to be heavily focused on providing resources to others who need them more than we do).

The scale of what's ahead of me is daunting to say the least, so I made a calculated move to take a step back from social media for the rest of the 2023 and regroup. I used that time to reflect on what I've learned so far and figure out how to move forward in a way that is more sustainable and less reliant on my own energy, while still continuing to produce high-quality content that both meets my goals and remains a source of fun and happiness.

I don't tend to discuss my own personal struggles publicly often, not because I am guarded about them but because everyone has their own and we're all struggling with how to navigate each other's. This does cause the occasional misunderstanding because I do tend to be very open about my thoughts and feelings, so it's easy to assume that I'm not struggling with anything at all.

I don't plan on changing that, but I do want to be more mindful of how I'm conducting this project so it more closely aligns with the goal of finding solutions to our shared struggles together while also being a source of fun and happiness.

This isn't a comeback or a rebirth, just a comedown and a rebrief. Maybe a rebrand too, but we're still working out the new brand materials. We hope you'll join us in the trash heap as we look for some shiny pieces to put together, we're gonna need lots of helping hands!

♡

Love, JXPR x AZA

#leaf debrief #blogging #recap #Spotify

3 notes · View notes

monkiebois · 1 year

Note

On the one hand a lot of Tripitaka’s behavior is just a product of the time he’s meant to take place in (600’s) and probably the time he was written in (1500’s-ish I think?) and viewing his behavior through that lense makes some (not all, we’ll get to that) of his behaviors make sense.

On the OTHER HAND

Ok, let’s just be real for a second. Tripitaka was in a nightmare situation where basically everything he encountered wanted to kill/eat/rape him. And trauma… can do very ugly things to a person.

So he’s basically powerless, and he’s got all these emotions, fear and anger and a million other things, building up inside and they need an outlet. He certainly can’t take things out on Bajie or Wujing. Wujing would probably rip his throat out and make a friendship bracelet out of it, and Bajie would… probably leave. He was barely staying with them as is and if Tripitaka gave him a reason he’d leave. I think Tripitaka did care about them… at least enough that he didn’t want to be without them.

So that leaves Wukong. Who basically came with a “Take my frustrations out” button. He had power of Wukong. He could make him just as helpless as he always was. Better yet, Wukong keeps forgiving him. Always comes back to help him. No matter how many times Tripitaka burns him, he comes back to the fire. Who else would do that? God knows the other two wouldn’t.

For the record, I don’t think it was this calculated, I’m just pointing the circumstances.

TLDR: Tripitaka’s behavior viewed through the cycle of abuse makes his actions make a lot more sense. Not saying his behavior isn’t fucked up, just the REASONS for the fucked up behavior.

god i love analyzations of character dynamics, especially the fucked up ones cause theres SO MUCH here.

wow you went off insanity/pos

like....yeah. YEAH. its so.wqdefsgrdfhtgjyj

there are multiple factors to what happened on the journey. so many things that came togethor that made everything worse for wukong. she couldnt catch a break.

to be real for a sec the reason trip freaks me out and why i very much dislike the realistic and not sugar-coated version (as a person) of him is bc of my own experiences. i wont go into detail and it wasnt ofc as bad at what trip did but,,,,yeahANYWAYS

when\ people have power over someone it can go two ways. help or abuse.

and when it ends up as abuse, just,,,man.

like on one hand i can see Wukong needing to go on the journey to learn morals and right from wrong (refer to this)

but then heaven repeatedly fucked him over and ended up torturing him for like 50 DAYS STRAIGHT.

then the mountain for 500 years.

all to be put in trips hands and abused for another 20.

man.......

its freaky because its also realistic.

from what ive interpreted from the story its a case of. treat them like shit and then offer a sliver of compassion and remind them theyre nothing without you they theyll always come crawling back no matter what you do,

and

maan

MAN

crying

#sun wukong #too tired to do tags rn #ask #insanity-apathy

19 notes · View notes

schismusic · 4 months

Text

On abandonment, Lou X, the eternal recurrence of the same

Browsing through the people I follow (and my followers) I can't help but notice just how many of these blogs haven't been updated in literal years. That line Diane Venora has in Michael Mann's Heat comes to mind: "you live among the remains of dead people…".

The idea of neglect and disuse is a weird thing to me, in that I never registered it as an inherently negative thing - it's melancholic, sure, but not everything needs to keep being active and productive. In unrelated news I'm listening to Lou X as we speak, go figure. For my international followers, Lou X is a rapper from Pescara who made his last full record in 1998. It is called La Realtà, la Lealtà e lo Scontro and you could call it a conscious/gangsta rap record in Italian/Abruzzese dialect. Then he basically went off the radar except for maybe one feature or two on other people's songs and albums.

youtube

If you think about it Italy's greatest contributions to the culture of the past century mostly involve objects that either don't exist, are somehow crystallized into unserviceable forms, were abandoned years ago and have reached an absolutely dismal state that could only make them interesting as a work of art. Think about it: Neorealism in cinema (and maybe even the Realists' interest in decrepit/disadvantages rural realities, but that would be an overarching nineteenth-century European thing), Ennio Flaiano's Tempo di uccidere, the last writings of Cesare Pavese ("Tutto questo fa schifo. Non parole. Un gesto. Non scriverò più": what else here but the defeated realisation that nothing could ever change?), Italo Calvino's Le città invisibili, Luigi Ghirri's landscape photography work, CCCP and CSI even.

youtube

Europe is doomed to its binary division and therefore we are of course doomed to repeat stylings and "revolutionary" aesthetics in never-ending loops: Disciplinatha were smart enough to point it out, but like Whitehouse said: "grubbing job-hunting artists and art aficionados who prefer art that 'raises questions' are certainly as disgusting as those rubbered dilettantes who recognize that the answers are what you masturbate over". Whitehouse also had this to say, in the same context: "So better to just shut your fucking mouth".

youtube

Obviously mentioning a rapper from Abruzzo has implications for those of you who know anything about me. God knows there are very few places as left to their own devices as that region of Italy, and considering my violently antihumanist views regarding the Abruzzese people I'm inclined to say that the only reason this abandon should end is just so I can no longer hear these motherfuckers bitch and moan about nobody giving a shit about them or something. It's no big deal to be fair - people think Abruzzo is further down South than Rome is because it was added into the monetary help program for the South of Italy at the end of World War II. The Abruzzese people who have voted for Matteo Salvini in the past seem to have conveniently forgotten that if it didn't mean more votes to him, they would be seen as cannon fodder at best and shit under his feet at worst.

youtube

When the Amatrice earthquake hit in 2016 we knew that would be the end of the very little good things we had managed to get back after L'Aquila in 2009: the small towns in the province, which is unreasonably fucking big in L'Aquila's case but honestly what are we going to do, make Sulmona or Avezzano their own province like assholes?, anyway I'm getting distracted - my point being everything went even further to shit when that happened. A lot of the old people, some of whom not as old as you would expect, died in consequence to the quakes or went further down into some form of (if I had to guess) trauma-induced dementia. Happens even to the best of us - then, you can imagine how easily it happens to the average Abruzzese. I was setting up another band with some kids and if we had our way, honestly, I believe there would be no NUMBERS, simply because I had found people who really got me, in the typically effortless way that teens bonding through activities do, and I do believe I got them, too. When I meet them now, and I never meet them together because one of the two guys can no longer come to town now, it feels like I'm on a completely different wavelength. Yet I refuse to let go, because in true Abruzzese fashion I never fucking learn. We did manage to get a record out, though. Its only tangible effect was, likely, to stop NUMBERS and the Operators from playing the La Zona d'Ombra festival at Bronson, in Ravenna. Here in the future, everyone has their fifteen seconds of fame.

youtube

In relating to the theme of this post, I cannot seem to let go of this fucking post. I have been writing in circles for literal hours at this point because the idea of abandonment ultimately scares me, disproving what I said at the beginning. It's no surprise that the only things I can think of when they suggest to me the idea of abandonment are Burial, Forest Swords, Techno Animal, maybe some ambient music. No point in trying to prove at all costs that "I'm different" or that "I have something fundamental to say about it".

So better to just shut my fucking mouth.

#schismusic #musica #music #whitehouse #cccp fedeli alla linea #consorzio suonatori indipendenti #disciplinatha #lou x #la realtà la lealtà e lo scontro #a lot of really terrible shit #abandoned #abruzzo #ennio flaiano #italo calvino #luigi ghirri #cesare pavese #Youtube

2 notes · View notes

rubyjean-jacket-blog · 2 years

Text

writing first drafts

as writers, there's a lot of pressure we put on ourselves: obsessing over getting everything right the first time, trying to make everything we put on a page the most incredible, moving, intriguing piece of literature ever written. and not only is that not realistic, it's also not at all helpful. so i'm going to outline a bit of my outlook and process when it comes to first drafts, in the hopes that it helps someone else out there on the interweb, and lessens some of my own discomfort with writing first drafts.

if you're subscribed to my tog fic fanaticism, you might know where this post is going already.

the point is this: writing is a process.

well, duh, i hear you say. that's obvious. you start with the first word, and then you write all the words that come after.

and to that, I say:

you don't have to start at the beginning. sometimes a story idea starts with an ending. sometimes it starts with a middle. sometimes all you have is a beginning, or a setting, or a character. whatever it is, a story does not pop into being fully-realised and in the perfect narrative (or chronological, even!) order.

sometimes you're writing a scene with a baller line of dialogue at the beginning. and when you get to the end of the scene, you realise that the beginning is a bit wonky because of that line, so you move that line to the end.

but wait! there's more!

writing is messy. there's so much more that happens between an idea and the finished work. the first draft isn't good -- it doesn't even look like literature, in most cases.

now, when I say "first draft," i mean that literally. my first drafts are the first written records i have of a story idea. here's another good way of thinking about first drafts:

here's my (completely unedited) first draft for chapter 33 of the aforementioned fanaticism. be warned: here there be typos!

I have to finsih fanatacism. I onkwo i writie it for myself but ther’es people that read it, and so i feel like i can’t just iugnore them. The nett the hapter im writing is kind of boring; its hard ot get it to say the write things’ ha. Funny typo. Yusuf and nicolo are djisjgighs awkward around each other which is kind of difficult because theyve already havd one lowe confession moment and its hard to have two in a row een though i think it makes sense given their characters and the circumstances. Nivolo fon’y let people in easily, and i ddon’t think hes ready to be open with andromache. Maybe not quynh either, but i think they get along better because she’s less pushy thna andromache. Why is ysuf holding back??? External validation?? That;’s pronbalby it. He came from a very loving home where they said their love loudly, and know he’s with nicolo, half-feral and bad at showing emotions, andromache, who is keeping herself at a distance in ordre to protect her soft heart, and quynh, who’s denying her own feelings and therefore not able to be poroplery genuine with anyone else. Booker. Yipes.

this isn't always what my first drafts look like. this time, i did a freewrite, meaning i wrote without interruption. basically just vomited words onto the page. (post about freewriting to come!)

now, did i have any actual plot in this first draft? any beautiful prose? nope! instead, i had typos and nonsense and vague ideas and tangents into unrelated topics.

it doesn't matter if the words you're writing are shit. you're allowed to write shit. most of the stuff i write is shit, and people more successful than me would agree. the important thing here is volume: once you churn out enough shit, maybe you'll find something in the shitpile that interests you or makes you think of a cool dialogue exchange, metaphor, or whatever. once the words start flowing, it's so much easier to keep them coming.

let's circle back to my shitpile.

Yusuf and nicolo are djisjgighs awkward around each other which is kind of difficult because theyve already havd one lowe confession moment and its hard to have two in a row een though i think it makes sense given their characters and the circumstances. Nivolo fon’y let people in easily, and i ddon’t think hes ready to be open with andromache. Maybe not quynh either, but i think they get along better because she’s less pushy thna andromache.

That;’s pronbalby it. He came from a very loving home where they said their love loudly, and know he’s with nicolo, half-feral and bad at showing emotions, andromache, who is keeping herself at a distance in ordre to protect her soft heart, and quynh, who’s denying her own feelings and therefore not able to be poroplery genuine with anyone else.

now, this is interesting. i'm going to clean this idea up so y'all can actually fuckin read it.

Yusuf and Nicolo are awkward around each other. They've already had a moment of intimacy between them, but they haven't acknowledged their feelings since that moment. For Nicolo, this is because he doesn't let people in easily. He's not ready to be open with Yusuf when there's an audience, like Andromache or Quynh. For Yusuf, it's because he's used to affection being shown very openly, so he's not reading any of the cues Nicolo is dropping.

okay. those are character motivations. those are emotions. now we're cooking!

so, next, I thought about every awkward moment i've ever had with another human being, particularly ones that i like(d) or love(d) in significant ways. what are some ways that people show affection for each other?

compliments, borrowing/offering belongings, spending time together, gifts

cool. easy. now, write those scenes.

They will sit beside each other at supper – Yusuf will compliment Nicolo on the stew, if Nicolo cooked, and Nicolo will mumble something dismissive and embarrassed under his breath and that will be the end of it. If Yusuf has cooked, the roles will reverse, and Nicolo will be the one stumbling through thanking Yusuf, who flushes so dark that it almost looks unhealthy.

for those of you keeping track, this is DRAFT FIVE. (four, if you don't count outlining the love languages.) in these later drafts, we can do what you probably think of as actual editing: word choice, grammar, pacing, etc.

writing is a PROCESS. it's not pretty or immediate; it takes time. creative inspiration isn't lightning striking a tree and starting a forest fire, it's starting a campfire with flint and steel: striking two ideas together with determination and patience and resilience.

go write. you've got this!

#writing #writing tips #writing advice #writing resources #first drafts #beware there are typos here #the writing process #writing first drafts #ao3 #ao3 author #is this self promo? i guess

21 notes · View notes

ghelgheli · 7 months

Note

curious about the mesoudi? surely its not just social darwinism right

(re: Towards a Unified Science of Cultural Evolution [doi] and Is Human Cultural Evolution Darwinian? [doi], both by Alex Mesoudi, Andrew Whiten, Kevin N. Laland and listed on my september reading list)

nope, not at all! the thrust of both articles is similar: that those academic disciplines dedicated to studying the state and change of human culture (broadly construed—this captures linguistics, archaeology, sociology...) can benefit epistemically and methodologically from the wisdom of a century of work in evolutionary biology and its related umbrella as gained through a darwinian understanding of evolution

an example i'd give of where this has happened in a convergent sort of way (but still, imo, needs to happen more) is in the case of linguistic typology. the development of comparative and therefore historical linguistics in the 19th century, thru a wittgensteinian turn in the early 20th century, thru to today, destabilizes epistemologies that hold languages as fixed natural kinds, and sociolinguistic work (as well as an honest metaphysics of language) ought to destabilize the notion that languages are any sort of essential kind at all. the understanding of language as a relational phenomenon that only exists insofar as it is instantiated helps us understand why speaking of "a language" as an abstraction can only ever be the work of inventing taxonomies to describe vague and varying uses of language between people who are never really speaking the same platonic object of a language (i am definitely stepping on some realist toes here but i do not care. i've had professors who think that languages have some kind of independent metaphysical existence and this is honestly silly). this problematizes dialect/language distinctions and indeed ought to direct the sort of work any descriptive linguist does. if you think about it this is exactly the kind of destabilization that darwin offered to the use of natural kinds in biology. a species is not really a thing with an essence; it is a convenient generalization that is often vague, can be misleading, flattens variation, etc. (consider ring species, or paleontological work of building taxonomies of evolutionary history)

the first article gives an example (among many others) analogizing paleobiology with archaeology in the following way: inheritance is axiomatic to understanding fossil records, and those records are analyzed with evolutionary relationships via inheritance in mind. morphological similarities are no accident, but evidence of a genealogical relationship. in a similar way (they say—i'm now leaving my own wheelhouse) archaeology seems to have only recently adopted the methods of trying to analyze relationships between artifacts in the record thru inheritance. this is to be distinguished with firm lines drawn between different material "cultures" where one is supposed to have supplanted the other in a sort of punctuated equilibrium or displacement. instead, records of e.g. arrowtip morphology can be sorted according to similarity, and interpreted as a sequence of inherited cultural practice that changes over time according to "mutations". this also allows for taxonomies of ancestry, where families of material cultures can be hypothesized to descend from common material ancestors on the basis of inherited similarities

obviously the big one in this discussion, tho, is replicator dynamics. and the articles do mention memetics as the abortive attempt at applying replicator dynamics to human culture. what i think is done well is a complication of the conception of biological replicators as straightforward: biological inheritance can be rather more complicated than the gene coding for a trait (they give examples of overlapping, movable, and nested genes), and it isn't a priori a wrench in the machine that hypothetical cultural replicators would not be simply describable. they argue that it can be useful in a discipline like cogsci to try and develop an epistemology of discretized meme-like objects that could, perhaps, be tracked with more fine-grained observational methods than what we have now (there's a rather goofy paragraph about mirror neurons, which are far more contested than popular wisdom would have us think, but the article is from 2006)

now, this is where i think the analogy can sometimes be taken too far—but, to their credit, they don't do this in either article. because there is a tradition i've complained about On Here a number of times of using computational evolutionary biology to try and model cultural phenomena, and i just don't think that can achieve the complexity nor robustness that would be required, nor do i think it holds a candle to alternative methods we have available to us (like, you know, the science of historical materialism—which is in its own way, in the destabilization of kinds, stasis, and "progress" that dialectics offers and the uncompromising analysis of historical facts as proceeding from earlier facts, darwinian). these methods find purchase in evolutionary biology because, for all the genetic complexities involved, the notion of biological fitness is well-defined, as is biological inheritance, and the games that can be played in this sense have robust analogies to real-world competition (e.g. cautious ritual signalling between, say, stags). i'm very skeptical that this is something anyone is going to be able to do with the multiply more complex phenomena of intragenerational behaviour and culture. my immediate impression of anyone who claims to have done so, numerically, is that they fancy themselves the first hari seldon. but anyway, that's just to temper the optimism here. i think the essential thesis is strong.

#ask answer

4 notes · View notes

afklancelot · 1 year

Text

imo i find it weird that some people who read house of leaves tend to dismiss johnny truant’s sections or at least find them less interesting than the Navidson Record.

this aint trying to say the parts where they’re exploring the house aint cool/terrifying as fuck (they are) of that the sex scenes johnny describes are the best (they definitely arent) but like… JT’s sections are genuinely much more terrifying/heartbreaking than The Navidson’s Record because it feels more grounded in reality.

Like, of course the house is very scary with its ever-changing architecture and the fact there may or may not be a minotaur inside the house’s labryinth, not helping by the book’s atypical typography. the thing is, even with the house’s horror, there is still a small sense of relief in that at least it can’t happen in reality. Yes there might be strange architecture out there irl, but at least there’s no “bigger on the inside” bullshit or hallways randomly appearing out of nowhere. Hell, the Navidson Record, despite the horror and losses that occur, still ends on a happy note for the Navidsons who, despite being effectively traumatized and Will being disfigured for the rest of his life, still came together in the end as a family (even with Tom being dead).

Johnny’s story, though, feels much more realistic, not helped by the fact you see entirely through his point of view for his section (besides Hailey i guess?). His story, his gradual slope down into obsession over the Navidson Record, his own realization of his diminishing sanity… that kind of shit probably happens, has happened, in real life. His backstory can be especially heartbreaking: on subsequent rereads, the part where JT reminisces about his biological father and JT’s reaction to death (the newspaper yall…) hits different, and my dad aint even absent in my life.

Like, this isnt trying to compare on which section is “better” (thats subjective ofc), but i can count on one hand on scenes in The Navidson Record where I felt emotional (Navidson’s letter in general, the part where Navidson sees Karen rescuing him). JT’s section, on the other hand… already mentioned the part w his bio dad, but also JT’s backstory, his whole relationship with his schizophrenic mother, his last goodbye to Thumper, the very last section involving JT, especially when he tells the story about the baby… hell, those are just from the top of my head, and i havent even reread the book in a while.

House of Leaves is three things mainly: a horror story, a story about love, and a heartbreaking tale revolving around mental illness and family, and it’s Johnny’s sections especially that deal with all three prominently.

#house of leaves #dunno why im havin strong feelings bout this book again but here i am #really wanna post more about The Familiar but cant cuz im either too lazy or too busy #one day maybe #anyways i wanna buy JT a drink and listen to him ramble #certainly would be an experience #dont mind the random capitalization mistakes littered thru this lmao more like a rambling on my part

4 notes · View notes

tsunflowers · 1 year

Note

I wasn't signed in yesterday and sent the ASMR info in browser so there was a character limit, wanted to add some more;

the blatantly hentai ones are usually just uploaded to youtube and a lot of them are actually just ero audio from ovas. they're called asmr because technically some people get tingles from it, since they're recorded very intimately with the mic and the girls often have soft voices. the other reason they call it asmr is to cheat youtube's rules lol

the ACTUAL asmr side is also sort of split

the 3dio ear mics exist for...not these purposes, it's just to give a more realistic audio experience. but a popular trigger when asmr was blowing up a few years ago was ear noms/ear eating, a genre consisting mostly of girls just licking/sucking/nibbling the ears for about 30 min/an hour

this caught on a bit more and soon some girls made really suggestive asmr content like, full cleavage out, ahegao faces, licking bananas in between mic lics,,,,,, etc,,,

one of the women who made the more suggestive videos actually made them as a like...To Be Continued on my PORNHUB CHANNEL :D where she did solo mast stuff, often with asmr mics

that case is more rare but weird shit gets said here, might as well say some more

as for normal asmr purposes I don't really care for the ear mics, when they're touched they make this weird....I can't explain it. I never realized I can't explain it. hm. weird slappy sound I guess? it's like if a big dog licked your face

anyways one of the most popular uses for those is ear cleaning asmr. roleplays are always popular like haircuts, makeup, etc, and since asmr is all about hearing, a lot of creators make videos cramming shit in your ears to clean it like every kind of ear pick imaginable

I also don't like those much because it's too loud imo, but still cool the mic makes it easier

also as much as I called the licking stuff not normal, its like, the first stuff that comes up on yt if you search 3dio asmr so. not really rare at this point just odd to me (no hate to those who like it)

sorry for the immensely long ask i should have stayed signed out

I had no idea people were uploading horny hentai audio to youtube as asmr. thats so funny

I watched a few seconds of a woman doing ear licking asmr with a set of ear shaped mics and I see exactly what you mean about the slappy licking. I guess the ear shaped mic does help you self-insert into the roleplay scenario better... you're seeing the licking/whispering/cleaning happening to an ear at the same time as you hear it in your own ear. makes sense I just never think about my ears even when listening to audio so being confronted with something shaped like an ear is like OK

I guess I support the idea of horny asmr and continuing it on a nsfw site but I'm guessing a lot of people were really mad about it? I know a lot of people are adamant that asmr isn't about sex for them and it isn't a fetish thing and they're very defensive so I imagine they aren't happy when people mix sex and asmr

#my nyasks

4 notes · View notes

faeflowerz · 2 years

Text

Happy Birthday, Epel Felmier! 🍎

Its AppleJack's birthday and I am fuckin gagging to give him some love! I'll sound like a broken record, but he grew on me over the time we got to know him. I was definitely drawn to him because of his cute face. Fuck, hes so cute. You don't understand, I love gap moe guys like Epel. Him and Yuki Rurikawa hit my buttons just right!!!!!

But I won't gush about it here. I don't wanna scare yall.

So, Let's chat about Epel!

Okay so his birthday interview confirms a lotta stuff we already know: he's got short man syndrome. Small, upset and sometimes overcompensating for something. If you ask me, his feral side is funny. Like Riddle, he's got a temper when you mention his size. But like, how many people enjoy these two for that exact reason? Everyone.

Anyway, Epel’s first interaction with Vil probably was fateful. We find out when he got her, Vil was already picking over him before he got sorted. He was a little dirtball with a bumpkin accent (someone sold me on the idea of him sounding Canadian. Look up Newfie accents. Do it). His resentment is strong when he's criticized for his looks. And now he's here.

I think Epel was put there for both his pretty boy facade and his relentless efforts to change himself. His biggest hurdle is his insecurity. So much so that he's predictable. Floyd has to tell him to pick a different dorm because everyone knows him as the "i wanna be sporty" guy. And Floyd is right. Epel is narrow minded about what he wants to be that he's not considering who he is now.

Sure, he's cute. But he's also smart, realistic, reliable, and earnest. Epel tells you how he feels in his own way. You see him get angry sometimes, but it's justified. He punctuates some of his opinions with 'i think' and 'maybe'. A lot of pauses because he is thinking about what he says before he says it. This prevents his accent sometimes but also gives him time to be careful of how he talks to others. We see when he's in his element (the Harveston event) he's a lot more extroverted, jolly and sweet. And he's a romantic too. The way he talks about his gparents is so cute!! He's such a sweetheart. Epel likes cute things. He just resents being stereotyped.

As a Taurus, he's also stubborn as fuck, which is why he can't see the forest for the trees. Epel's growing up to be someone who is strong and noble, but he thinks his appearance holds him back. That's why Vil is so hard on him. He has traditional ideas of gender, power dynamics and strength. It's kind of toxic.

Growing up around older people probably didn't help him expand his horizons. So someone like Vil or Lilia seems foreign to him. Lilia chooses to be small. He chooses to dress as a little guy all while knowing his true worth. Lilia’s lab coat story is really a great interaction because Lilia seems to be more relatable to Epel, making him receptive to what he has to say. Lilia broke thru the insecurity and guarded emotions he developed.

I remember someone gently criticizing his special magic because unlike deuce, it seems counterproductive to his development, which I guess is trying to say his magic doesn't fit him? I don't think so. Sleep Kiss is versatile since it is pretty offensive as well as defensive. It's also a scary one too since you're at his mercy when you're asleep. Epel wants to protect his friends and family so his quirk reflects something that will defend them. So i think it's a reflection of Epel needing to play into his strengths as a shield rather than a sword, yanno?

He wants Leona as a brother and I think it's a good match. Leona and Epel are pretty independent guys, but I think Epel may be a bit too active for Leona. Still, I think they'd be cute together in general. I also think a good big brother would be Lilia. Not only is Lilia a fuckin beast, he's also wise and trained in combat. I could imagine them doing all types of friendly tussles, which would give Epel the wake up call he needs.

And of course he wanted to go to Savanaclaw which I also disagree with. Yeah, he can go to SC, but considering how traditional he is, Igni would be a lot more beneficial. Epel's into magical wheels, which, C'mon Disney. Give us some magic wheel racing cards. I need Deuce n Epel in jumpsuits. Anyway Epel's interest in magi wheels is pretty cool. It's how he and Deuce bond in Chap 5.

Actually comparing the two, their reactions to Vil are very different. Deuce willingly takes up on Vil's lessons because he realizes how machismo he is. Deuce is a former bad boy and we can tell he's not quite comfortable with some parts of his identity. The only pink thing he owns is a garish leopard suit for some reason? Deuce had to admit his faults over the course of the story and he's coming to terms with who he is. Epel is still struggling.

In chap 5 + 6, I think we are cracking into his vulnerability. His meltdowns are justified because Vil oversteps his boundaries sometimes. Teaching Epel about breaking society's standards is great! Using him to get back at a guy he's got nothing to do with? Not. Epel's already gunning to overthrow him one day (just like Ace) so making it a vindictive thing will probably blind them from realizing how close they're growing. Epel will see that his dorm leader had good intentions of teaching him and Vill will see that he needs to be more accepting to people who don't fit his idea of beauty/perfection.

So what do I hope for Epel? Aside from longer hair, I wanna see him accept himself. Epel isn't comfortable in his own skin. That's really what a few of these guys need. They need to accept themselves, flaws and all. I hope the chapter gives Epel a good resolution to compliment his magic. He's a sweet guy and I'm glad we got to see more of him!

Happy Birthday, Big Mac!!! 🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎🍎

#Twisted Wonderland #epel felmier #faes character reflection #writing

14 notes · View notes

larryjames17 · 1 month

Text

The Power of Love Beyond Looks and Wealth

Being a passionate book reader, I often find myself immersed in stories that go beyond the boundaries of ordinary love stories. Recently, I stumbled upon a gem titled "Seeing With The Heart" by Jeanne Durig Alfaro, and let me tell you, this love story is unlike any other. It goes beyond the conventional themes of looks and wealth, exploring deeply into the complexities of honest communication and the strength it can bring to a relationship.

The narrative revolves around the profound connection between two souls, beautifully captured through the tangible reminder of their love audio tapes. These tapes become more than just a recording. They serve as a portal to the emotions, dreams, and vulnerabilities shared between the characters. It's a unique form of communication that sets the stage for a love story that stands the test of time.

The author presents a realistic representation of the protagonists engaging in conversations that transcend the superficial. Their dialogues, filled with hope and excitement, center around their future aspirations and dreams. This refreshing approach bypasses the clichés of physical attraction, focusing on the essence of a genuine connection.

The characters evolve, and so do their conversations. What begins as discussions about aspirations and dreams soon transforms into a more intimate exchange. The author skillfully faces the progression of their relationship, blending laughter and lightheartedness with moments of vulnerability and truth.

One pivotal moment in the story stands out, a revelation that underscores the importance of honesty in the face of adversity. One character, haunted by a past assault, takes a courageous step to share this deeply personal secret with their partner. The fear of judgment is palpable, but the commitment to truth prevails.

This disclosure triggers a moment of profound empathy from the other character, breaking the silence with words that echo with sincerity. “To me, you are as pure as rain," shattering any preconceived notions about the impact of past trauma on the purity of love.

"Seeing With The Heart" skillfully weaves a narrative that challenges societal norms and celebrates the authenticity of love. In a world often preoccupied with appearances and material wealth, this story serves as a reminder that true connection transcends these superficial measures.

As a person desiring such connections, I couldn't help but reflect on my own relationships and the power of honest communication and perhaps learn a few things from the author. The characters in this love story inspire us to look beyond the surface, to cherish the beauty of vulnerability, and to recognize that peace and authenticity are the cornerstones of lasting connections. "Seeing With The Heart" invites us to embrace a love story that goes beyond the movies, a narrative that celebrates the purity of love rooted in genuine communication and understanding. As I closed the final chapter, I found myself not just satisfied by the resolution of the characters but also enhanced by the profound message this tale carries that love, in its truest form, sees with the heart. To purchase the book from Amazon, simply click on this link Book Link Follow me on Facebook

#Love story #Future aspirations #Beauty of vulnerability #EmpathyPurity of love #Purity of love

0 notes