#as i told my sister- i think i now have a crush on vax

[blueseachelle]

X reader request for some vax smut. So you know like how he can’t get the vestige off? Well that shouldn’t stop the reader from getting him off now should it? I was thinking maybe some hard grinding and getting him off through his new armor, and him putting that newfound uh…speed to good use.

I love this. So, I’m gonna totally make this in the woods. I don’t know a lot about the armor, Ya know, details….. Like a place to take out his-…..So anyway, please enjoy! I hope this satisfies you. If not, I’m always up for a rewrite. Not afraid to be told I didn’t fulfill your wishes. Please, let me know! Enjoy!

My Knight Trapped In Armor

Critical Role Vox Machina

Vax x Fem! Reader

Minors Do Not Interact

You have been with the group since the beginning for this long journey. Currently, collecting all the relics is your main mission. You’ve have gotten ahold of the first of the vestige and Vax had the honor of putting it on…. He was happy about it until he figured out that it will never come off.

You have been with Vax for a long while. You, Vax, and Vex were practically raised together. Ever since they ran from home you have always been there. You saved them from there first big fight. You haven’t strayed since that. You have always been there and helped them recruit the now known Vox Machina.

Vax has always had a crush on you, just didn’t want to ruin the friendship you had. Vex sees you as a little sister, Vax didn’t want to make it weird. He didn’t take the leap of faith until after the falling out at Whitestone to tell you how he felt, of course, with the encouragement of his sister. You returned the feelings and been with him ever since. So, onto the story.

The crew decided to make camp for the night. They found a nice clearing right before night fall so, everything was set up and ready to go before dusk. Everyone sat around the camp fire having normal conversation. Vax sat close to you. His new armor poking you every now and then but, you ignore it because you like the contact with him. Of course, you knew he could never take this off because his deal with the Raven Queen. You don’t even think that he knows how much he can… take of without something happening or being *gulps* cut of. Magic armor is dangerous.

In the middle of a small exchange with Scanlan, you felt Vax’s hand rest on your thigh. You gave him a side eye and he responded with a slight motion with his head. He wanted to go for a walk before it was too dark. You knew his queues by now. So, being the cunning girl you are, you got Grog into the conversation which accidentally (on purpose) made an argument between them about something dumb that somehow everyone else ended up in. As soon as the heat was off of you, Vax took your hand and walked of in the direction he suggested with his head.

You walked for a good 10 minutes before Vax finally stopped in his tracks.

“There. I think we are far enough, Darling.”

He turned to face you finally. He leaned down and gave you a kiss. You just giggled and kissed back,

“I think I know why you brought us out here. It’s been a little while, huh?”

He pulled away slight to lock eyes with you. You could see the lust and love for you run through his head.

“Of course it has. Everything is been chaotic as hell and you have been so badass recently. Finally, I can deal with this pent up heat you cause me. Darling, I would love to have you if you’d let me.”

He brought your hand to his face and kisses it. You giggled once again.

“Of course, My Love. I would love to have you.”

Vax gave you a toothy grin. He pulled you a little farther to the nearest tree and took a seat against it you. You took the queue and sat in his lap. You kissed him. Your hands locking themselves in his dark hair. He kisses back and set his hands on your hips. The kiss continued to deepen. He snaked his tongue into your mouth.

One of his hands reached up and made it’s way into your hair. The kiss finally parted. He used the interlocked hand in your hair to pull your head slightly back. He leaned forward and bit onto your neck. He proceeded to bit and suck on the supple skin. You let out a small moan. You felt the smirk against your neck as he continued down.

When he got to you collarbone, he released your hair. In return, you gripped his and pulled slightly. He growled out,

“Hey, are you gonna be nice or do I have to get mean?”

You gulped,

“N-no, Vax, Sir.”

“That’s what I thought.”

He reached down and grabbed at the hem of you shirt. Your armor has be taken off since the campsite. You knew it would be safe there so, you’ve been without it. You pulled up you shirt over your head and set it on the ground next to you. Your chest was now in full display to him. (With the armor your wear, it naturally cups your breast so, no need for a bra.)

“What a good fucking girl.”

You just let out a small squeak at the statement. The squeak turned into a moan as Vax took a nipple into his mouth. With the help of one of his hands, he played with your breast, switching between them. He nipped, sucked, and pinched at your nipples. All you could do is grip his hair and push your chest into his mouth. You, caught up in the pleasure, subconsciously started grind onto him. He could feel the friction through his armor. He kept his lips around one of your nipples as his hands left to join on your hips.

He pulled you down onto him. The pleasure increased for both of you. He could feel you through his armor, every little movement and pulse your pussy did. The friction of the engravings on the armor hit every friction need that you usually would have. Vax’s lips came off your nipple with a wet pop. Your nipples were now red and starting to swell slightly from the abuse that endured.

Vax removed his hands to reach down to his pants, he felt for and opening, anything that he could use get his cock out. He could only sit there for a second and watch his beautiful girlfriend drunkenly grind on him. Screw it, he wasn’t about to stop her to look for a opening. He’ll look for next time. Right now, he is going to get the both of you off. He grabbed you by the hips and started to grind up into her.

You closed you eyes in pleasure and arched you back. Your gripped his hair tighter and let out a moan of his name. He grunted in response and speed up. He could feel it. She’s getting close, well, he was too. He leaned up and kissed her desperately. You moaned into the kiss and turned it into a sloppy wet kiss. He felt like he needed to step the grinding. He moved a hand to caress the back of her head as he leaned forward to lay her on the grass. The kiss continued as he grinned harder and faster into her. The Vestige he wore increased his speed significantly.

You let out a loud moan of his name. He swallowed the moan. You broke the kiss reluctantly. Vax moved instantly to bite your neck. The coil in your stomach tightened,

“V-vax. I’m close. So so close.”

She desperately clawed at his back, which, of course, was armored. He growled. You knew that he was too. You arched your back off the ground. He quickly moved his arms under you. He quickly attached to one of your swollen nipples. That was all you needed.

“V-Vax-“

You didn’t even finish your statement because the tightened coil snapped. Vax felt how you froze and the pulsation against the armor. He ground down a couple more time before finishing himself, in his armor. And you, your panties and shorts you wore. You both caught your breath as you held each other.

“I love you so much, Baby.”

“I love you so much, My Love.”

After a couple minutes, Vax sat up first and grabbed your shirt. You thanked him and put it on.

“At least it’s dark, no one is gonna see my shorts. I’ll clean them tomorrow when the sun is up again.”

Vax chuckled and helped his Beloved up off the now wet ground,

“Yeah, but, the next question is, I can’t take this off… How the hell are we gonna clean my pants?”

You just giggled,

“We’ll figure it out, My Knight Trapped In Armor.”

Vax just grinned and kissed up before walking back in the direction of camp. You used your abilities to illuminate the surrounding area since the sun already set. You loved this man to death. You know that you would figure out something to make this easier for the both of you to get used to but…. what just happened… Wasn’t half bad.

I hope you have enjoyed this read! If you have anymore requests, I have an request post available. With that, see ya next post!

#vox machina #d&d 5e #x reader #dungeons and dragons #critical role #tlovm smut #tlovm #tlovm vax #vax x reader #vax critical role #vaxildan #tlovm x reader #tlovm x you #tlov #tlovm vax smut #vax’ildan #vax’ildan x reader #vax smut #Vax’ildan x reader smut #Smut #request

[hopenight]

So apparently I’m just going to share all my feral ass thoughts on the Raven Queen during EXU: Calamity

Out of all the deities that the world of Exandria has presented to us, I think that Raven Queen fascinates me the most.

To be fair though, this is true with most pantheons. I’ve had a standing fascination with gods whose domain includes death since I was small. I’m sure witch tumblr or something can explain that affinity and fascination that I’ve had with it.  (Nevermind my own existential death anxiety, which was sure fun to discover was a thing for me after my 18 year old dog died in my arms, but I digress). 

I wrote this on a reblog to another post about the Raven Queen that I can’t find now because my tagging system is non-existent, but I think what I find the most fascinating is that she was mortal.

The Raven Queen was a girl once. She had parents that she had a relationship with. Though whether or not it was a good one, I cannot say. I like to think that it was, but I see so many people go through so much trauma because of their parents I’d like for the god of fate and death to have seen her parents teach her kindness and compassion.

Maybe she learned how to sew or knit or weave at her mother’s knee. Maybe her father would carry her on his shoulders. Maybe they fought when she was a teenager, as all parents are wont to do with their kids. Maybe she snuck out to dance in the forest with friends and get tipsy on wine. 

Maybe she ran through feels and got sunburn on her shoulders, pale skin peeling red from enough time under the light. Or maybe she would sneak out to watch the stars and dream of “what if”. Maybe she had crushes and was told her laugh was “too obnoxious”. Was she told to be more ladylike as a child? Or was she too serious and shy, shunned by the other children for being awkward?

Did she have an innate talent for magic? Or did she study and learn until the power sparked up at her fingertips? 

She had desire to learn based on what see in EXU. She was a mage and a pretty damn good one. She was a teacher or at least it sounds like she was one based on what Patia reveals. The Raven Queen as a teacher makes a lot of sense and again is endlessly fascinating.

She had dreams, perhaps, before her ascension. Did she want a family? Did she want to focus on her career? Did she want to travel the world or the planes before her eyes turned to godhood? Before the God of Death did something that made her decide that he had to go? 

Now based on what we have, she ascended because the previous god of Death took, what’s been described as, a tyrannical stance over it. And I would certainly love to know what that means. She also was a follower of this God again, love to know what that means, especially in the Age of “gods who?” Arcanum. 

Does she miss being mortal, I wonder? 

I mean think about her situation. She described her situation with the other Prime Deities as “precarious” to Vax. The other gods took away what was to be her domain, death, and instead made her the goddess of the instance of death, of transition. They destroyed her rites (which, you know, valid) and either her name was removed as part of ritual (Ehhhh? Vecna still has his name) or the gods did like some sort of mega modify memory.

Were her parents still alive, I wonder? How do you handle that? Knowing your child’s face and name one moment and the next...nothing? Only the knowledge that your daughter has become a god. Did she have siblings? Did they have to mourn losing their sister? 

How lonely do you think she must be? Only she remembers her name? By the time the main campaigns of Critical Role have rolled around, anyone who remembered her as a mortal and loved her is long dead. 

Do you think that her followers understand that sort of loneliness? Feared by most mortals, disliked by the gods, alone in her realm as she watches the strings of fate. Does she remember learning how to weave at her mother’s knee? How to craft with those delicate strings as her mother carded a hand through her hair and called her by her name? 

Does she still wish that? To hear someone say her name? Or would hearing it really make everything too real? 

Maybe that’s why she sees out people who know loneliness: Vax’ildan, Purvan Suul, even Liev’tel had an air that read to me that she knew loneliness. Hell, I created a character for an Exandria campaign who is a cleric of the Raven Queen that had a lonely childhood. 

In her champions and her clerics, does she want to find someone who understands? She is a god, but she was mortal. Maybe she had to sacrifice that part of herself to become a god, but did she sacrifice all of it? 

Or maybe, in her lonely existence, she still feels like she is both.

Maybe, in her heart, she wishes that someone would call her by her name again. 

Just one last time. 

#the raven queen #raven queen #critical role #exandria calamity #exu: calamity #exandria unlimited calamity #exandria unlimited #i think about her A LOT whenever she comes up #SERIOUSLY #i've been waiting to play this cleric FOR YEARS #well cleric/warlock #her warlock patron is the Champion of Ravens because I HAVE THOUGHTS ABOUT VAX AS WELL #this whole serious owns me

[theabominableblogger]

"The Legend of Vox Machina" S1E1-3 Reaction

THAT'S RIGHT- IMMA DO THIS

I do wanna get a few things out of the way though: as a "new" Critter, I am actually not that familiar yet with the first campaign. I do know a lot of the major beats for things through the Briarwood Arc (which this first season is covering) and beyond, but episodes 1-24ish I don't know of so please don't spoil that for me in the replies.

For this reaction series, I will be using the hashtag #purvan's reaction post stolen for the ages so if any of you guys want to find more reactions to this specific series, you can click on the tag in my blog.

On with the show!

AN:  I managed to record my reactions to this episode and hopefully I can transcribe what I said into this post.

"The Terror of Tal'Dorei" Part 1

Found out LAST NIGHT [when I recorded this] that Amazon made a big whoops and released the episodes EARLIER than the allotted time slot. I don't if it was a legitimate mistake on their end or an intentional move. Who knows.

Literally wasted time last night watching Matt rage playing Monopoly with Game Grumps and Sam's Battle Royale. Ez cool.

*smiles when Matt begins to narrate about Tal'Dorei*

Is the wizard Liam?

*jaw immediately drops when the group gets instantly killed*

This animation is really good, holy snot!

The Murder-hobos!

"Do not rest until you bring me the greatest band of mercenaries in all of Tal'Dorei!" Ehhh, varying opinion on that...

They even sound drunk, I'll give them credit!

"Are you offering to help?" *shuts down*

The tabaxi meowed!

Wait, we're starting it off like this?!? Oh wow.

*cracks up at Percy not even trying to dodge*

Did he [Vax] just rob them [the other customers]?

*loudly grimaces when Keyleth vomits in the dog-person's mouth, making them vomit*

"Why does this happen every time we go drinking?!?" Wonder why...

TRINKET!

*gasps when Percy's gun misfires*

*full jaw drop when we cut to Scanlan and the naked woman in bed*

"What is that gnome doing with my daughter?" "It's probably best you don't know." *incomprehensible shocked laughter*

"Does that mean... we've been kicked out of every tavern in Emon?" First world problems?

How did they get their name?

"Pike, ethics are a luxury we can't afford." Oh give her some credit!

"Vex and Vax only care about themselves." "Well [expletive] you." *laughs*

Oh my God, they didn't really have to show that [Scanlan peeing]

"What's the matter with you?!?" That's Matt!

Mercenaries... line line line line line REWARD!

*groans and covers screen when Scanlan's pants drop* I'm didn't see that

That is a giant bear

*Grog loudly belches* Euggh, I don't like that

"It's a rather clever play on words-" "Honestly we don't care." *wheezes*

"Allow me to give you a proper introduction." Oh no we're getting a song?

"He's Vax." "She's Vex." *laughs*

*laughs awkwardly as Scanlan starts rapping and mutes it*

AN: I did go back and listen to the entire song. It rocks. I also have the twin part stuck in my head for the past two days.

Why did I get like... vibes of Galavant and "The Morning Report" from The Lion King in that song?

Yes, get the bear, get the bear! I see you, Khary Payton!

"He got his hand cut off in a bar room brawl." "Oh shit." *laughs*

*Vex senses something mentally in the room* What was that? What was thaaat?

The backgrounds look really pretty

Isn't the Shale Steps like three miles away from Emon though? Is it just a power move to use the skyship?

*laughs* She's [Keyleth] just started talking to the tree!

Matt is literally playing every NPC in this show

"Are you a wizard?" Next campaign

*Keyleth and Vax share a look* Oooh... oohh...

These backgrounds are so pretty!

*gaps when the dragon stomps on the lamb in front of them*

*pretty much in shock for the entirety of the dragon fight*

This is awesome!

*Keyleth starts to summon lightning* Oh let's go, let's go girl!

That is a really intimidating design, oh my gosh.

No, the episode can't be over already!

"Grog, you're hurt." "Nah, it's just a flesh wound." *wheezes*

"This is why I hate traveling with holy people." *wheezes again*

Oh, so her ranger ability is a Spider-Sense? That's awesome.

This music is awesome

*Grog picks up Pike and puts her on his shoulders* Aaww

They're not gonna end the episode there. Nuh uh.

*still fangirling about the animation*

*gasps when they find the town in ruins*

*gasps when Vax finds the family they spoke to earlier dead*

"That was... actually well stated, Grog." "What was?" "Nevermind." *laughs*

*gasps* The silver piece!

"The Terror of Tal'Dorei" Part 2

[Nudity, violence, foul language] No way!

I like the different designs for the background tieflings

*jaw drops when the Captain is DISINTEGRATED VIOLENTLY IN FRAME* They didn't need to show that!

That was just the intro?!?

Oh this opening's gorgeous

Let's go!

They're setting up for the Conclave at the end of the season, aren't they? $500 says so.

"Doom? We don't know the meaning of the word!" *chuckles*

Look at them [the guards] loving Trinket!

*laughs when Vax flicks Pike's ear on their way down the stairs*

*smiles when Gilmore enters the scene*

Was that Sprinkle?

"Why if it isn't the mysterious Vax'ildan?" Did they just do the "love interest" panning shot on Vax?

*leans back in my seat as Vax and Gilmore flirt and then CONTINUE* I feel like a fourth wheel!

*wheezes and face plants at Tusk Love*

*laughs at Gilmore's disappointed gasp at the silver pieces*

There's a triceratops skull on the shelf

He [Gilmore] just slaps the page. That's awesome

"If we survive this, I owe you dinner." "You owe me more than that, my handsome half-elf." *leans back in seat again* Yeah like chocolate, about 500 gold.... that ass...

"All right you two, foreplay's over." *laughs*

Is that the same Matt NPC? That poor guy.

*cackles as Grog rolls behind the ale cart* Nat 20 Stealth!

"Dreadful taste in art." Wait they said dragons are egomaniacs and Krieg has a portrait of himself in the staircase. It's literally him. He's the dragon.

*gasps when Sir Fince gets freaking impaled*

Oh, the rug! The rug!

"Look for some kind of fulcrum." "Wait, a [expletive] room." "I mean, that's what I heard." *laughs*

*laughs at Vex being salty at Vax complimenting Keyleth*

"Look, they're in the booty!" *laughs* They're so immature!

"Seems excessive for a council member." "Seems excessive for anyone." Percy, you literally have like a Scrooge McDuck vault! Don't talk to me!

*leans back in shock at the GIANT GREEN EYE looking back at Keyleth* What was that?!?

He [Krieg] is the dragon!

*jaw drops at Krieg transforming into his dragon form* THAT WAS SO BALLER!

"Vax, did Gilmore give you any insight on how to kill this thing or did you two flirt the entire time?!?" "Shit! Right, right, uh..." *laughs*

*Brimscythe wipes out the group* It's an illusion!

*jaw drops at the ominous chanting in the soundtrack*

*giggles at Percy Naruto running*

*Vax running around the falling rocks* Oh, slow-mo! Let's go!

*pretty much silently loses her mind as Grog decides to rage*

*laughs* She's [Vex] stealing an armful of gold!

"We got 'em, kid." Aaww...

Who's on the Council of Tal'Dorei? Who's on the Council?

*chuckles at Keyleth ruining the moment between the twins*

*gasps* The Briarwoods!

OK, Sylas, whatchu got?

Whaaaaaat?

*episode ends* WHA-

"The Feast of Realms"

*gasps when we open with a flashback to the De Rolos*

What's with the dog?!?

You can't just open it like that! Are you kidding me?!? I don't even know if I wanna sit through the opening because I want to get to the opening!

*Establishing shot of Greyskull Keep* Oh that looks so pretty!

*laughs as Grog sneak attacks Vax with ball tag*

*Allura walks into the keep* Oof, this place is a bit of a fixer upper

"You have my word nothing will go wrong." Absolutely everything will go wrong

*Scanlan's codpiece* Why?

*wheezes at Grog and Vax's curtsises*

Matt!

"Ahem!" Scanlan, don't.

"What?!? You wanna get freaky with me?!?" Oh no

*gasps when the Briarwoods are announced*

Why are they giving him [Percy] the anime fish eye lens? I don't like that

*silently and openly ogling Vax in his formal wear good lord here's my money sir*

"The safe word is... chenga." *laughs*

*Percy realizes that they have to sit across the Briarwoods* Oh no

Ohhhh nooo

"Shit's about to get real!" Oh no

OH God... are they just pretending that they don't know each other?

"Percy, I [Grog] say you walk over to the Briarwoods, say hello to break the ice, and then punch them in the face." That works.

Oh God, I wanna see that dinner go down, are you kidding me?

OK, Vax, I see you with the little cow lick. I see you, man.

I wonder if Sylas has been feeding off Desmond.

*gasps when Vax uses his snake belt to distract the guards*

Why is she still wearing her gloves while she's eating? C'mon, Delilah, etiquette!

*gasps when Sylas charms Sovereign Uriel*

Oh mah God!

C'mon, Percy, say something.

"Have we... met before?" Oh no

*gasps when Percy breaks his glass out of anger*

Did they really just make a bead joke? Are you kidding me?

Vax, what are you doing? I do not like this.

"LIARS!" Percy!

Percy, Percy, Percy, Percy!

Oh no... Vax... Vax, get out of there! Vax!

*gasps when Vax finds mention of the Whispered One*

You gotta get outta there!

"Gosh, you're a handsome couple.." *wheezes with laughter*

*jaw drops when Sylas charms Vax*

"I'll distract them. You go." Scanlan, I do not trust anything- no

*jaw dropped for pretty much the remaining 7 minutes of the episode*

*laughs when Grog hurls NPC Matt out of the weapons closet*

C'mon, Vax!

"Would you look at that, dear?" LINE! PER! LINE!

I forgot about Craven Edge!

"Thanks, Pike!" Radiant weapon!

*Allura facepalms at Scanlan's song* Same!

*Percy goes after Desmond* Oh no, ohhhhh!

*pretty much in shock for the entire Orthax smoke sequence*

"You fool. Now your soul is forfeit." Oh my God, stop, stop!

NO! No, no no no... NO! YOU CANNOT END IT THERE! NO!

#purvan's reaction post stolen for the ages #the blogger reacts #the legend of vox machina #q post #tlovm spoilers #IT HAS BEGIN #as i told my sister- i think i now have a crush on vax

[randoimago]

Hey! I noticed you’re taking requests for EXU/CR again! So I was hoping to submit something? How would the EXU party react if their crush was the younger sibling of the famous Vax and Vex?

S/O Related to Vex and Vax

FANDOM: Critical Role / Exandria Unlimited

Character(s): Dariax, Dorian Storm, Opal, Fearne Calloway, Orym

Type of Request: Headcanons

Warnings: BIG C1 SPOILERS

Word Count: 652

Note(s): Yes I am! I miss writing for the EXU babes (and I'm rewatching it to finally finish it). So I'm happy to write this! I also half apologize for my Vax jokes in this (I promise that I love Vax so much, I just couldn’t help myself, I deal with sad things by making jokes)

Dariax

Dariax has no idea who those people are. He just knows that his crush is so cool and talented and amazing and attractive and the list goes on and on.

Seriously doesn’t know a damn thing about Vox Machina. Like, “They’re those people in unicorn suits right?” No Dariax, that’s Vox Moronica, but nice guess.

Like you can try and explain who Vex is and who Vax was but Dariax just scoffs. Nice try crush, he’s dumb but he wasn’t born yesterday. They took down a god, yeah right. It was staged magic.

It’s kind of cute how much he doesn’t believe in Vox Machina. But it’s also kind of nice too that you aren’t being judged by who you’re related too because Dariax doesn’t really care.

He likes you not your family (which he still doesn’t know if they truly exist but that’s fine, it’s not his business).

Dorian

Thinks you’re messing with him at first. He doesn’t know a whole lot about Vox Machina, but he does know they’re a big deal.

Like he’ll say things like, “Really then what’s their favorite meal” type deals to see how much you’re messing with him. Eventually he does realize, ‘Oh you’re not lying. Well shit.’

Dorian does rethink his crush on you a bit because if he ever meets your siblings then they can easily kill him. 

Of course, he then learns that one of your siblings is already dead which gives him a better chance at survival (does it though?)

Honestly, Dorian will probably treat you better now that he knows your siblings are super powerful. But he does let you know that he still views you the same, a really good friend (because he is now afraid to mention his crush in case it summons your siblings to kill him).

Fearne

Also doesn’t have a clue who Vox Machina is. She’s from the Feywild. She’s stayed in the Feywild for a long time. She doesn’t know who this Vex or Vax is at all.

She thinks its nice that you have siblings (you have to correct her that you have one now). 

She still thinks it’s nice and would like to hear stories about when you were younger if you don’t mind.

Wouldn’t mind meeting your sister someday. I mean if your relationship is going to continue then she should meet the family, right? 

Does find it interesting how they opened a gate from the Feywild to The Material Plane. So she also has to meet Vex to thank her because Fearne wouldn’t have met you otherwise.

Opal

Ohmygod you’re the sibling of the twins?! Opal knows the stories about them and how they joined Vox Machina and stuff. 

Honestly she only paid half attention to the stories about them when they were told, but she knows they’re super cool and powerful. 

Well one of them was super cool and powerful, but dead people are still cool right?

Okay but you being their younger sibling, did you ever learn rope techniques? Cause she’d love to talk to you about different methods and what the best knots are. 

She still thinks you’re super cool and powerful though. Like your siblings are/were great but you’re already cooler than them. 

Orym

Orym thought you seemed familiar in a way. He’s heard of the tales of Vox Machina, I mean his leader is Keyleth so of course he’s heard the stories of Vex and Vax as well.

That said, he might have some more reverence towards you because you’re related to people that the leader of his tribe holds in such high regard. 

Might be a bit more respectful towards you (not that he wasn’t respectful to you previously).

Would like to ask you stories about your siblings and growing up with them, if you’d like to share. 

the few things Keyleth has mentioned, he knows that life wasn’t great but he still wants to know your experiences.

#critical role x reader #exandria unlimited #exandria unlimited x reader #exu x reader #exu #dorian storm x reader #dorian storm #fearne calloway #fearne calloway x reader #dariax #orym #orym x reader #opal x reader #opal #dariax zaveon x reader

[peach-the-owl]

Far From Home pt. 2

Vox Machina & Child!Reader

Might not completely follow canon but I kept it as close as I could and I apologize in advance if the characters aren’t accurate either as I’m not fully familiar with campaign 1, but anyways… PART 2 HAS FINALLY ARRIVED!!! If you haven’t yet, find part 1 here

Hold onto your hats, this is a long one

Salda rushes towards the opening but keeps herself back enough to avoid the rain that you could now see pouring in.

"Whoever you are, leave! Run away or I-I swear I’ll kill you!" Her voice wavered slightly, but she held her ground holding out her blade threateningly. You hear a bit of murmuring before one of the voices from above speaks just loud enough for you to hear from your position.

"Sherri it’s us!" There’s a few other voices but they were softer and harder to make out the words of, Salda then looks over her shoulder.

"Sherri?"she calls for the half-elf, who cautiously makes her way over looking up once she's close enough.

"My god. Come in quick, please." Sherri starts ushering in the new arrivals who all made their way into this little bunker. What a colourful bunch they were, these must’ve been the friends Gilmore had mentioned to you while searching through the city. It seemed the other kids knew who they were as their faces lit up in both hope and recognition to this group. You decided to stay quiet and as out of sight as possible for now not wanting to draw attention to yourself as you were still grappling with your whole being lost in time problem.

"I don’t believe my husband made it… But we're alive." You still listen in on the conversation to try and distract yourself though.

"Did you see him fall?" The male half-elf, dressed in all black asks.

"No," Salda pauses a second, "he-he saved us." You did feel a little left out since you had helped too but then again you were a stranger to these people and still didn’t feel the need to involve yourself in the conversation. They all look over to where Gilmore was laying and the male half-elf immediately rushes to him placing a hand under his chin and quickly inspecting the wounded area.

"Pike! Pike, Keyleth come over here!" He says with urgency. A gnome with white hair quickly steps forward, you could only assume this was Pike since Keyleth was a more elvish name. The other two half-elves in the group also step in quickly helping to patch up the wound, you weren’t sure which of those two was supposed to Keyleth but honestly that wasn’t the biggest concern right now. Pike places her hands on her holy symbol and you watch as light emits from it before gently placing her hands on Gilmore the light transferring from her hands into his body. The room is illuminated as the magic heals the nasty wound on Gilmore, you take a quick look around and see the half-orc that's with the party now staring at you. There’s a small thud that draws your attention back to Gilmore as the magic had finished its job, he curls over a little before the male half-elf carefully places him on his lap.

"Is he alright?! Is he alright?" Sherri asks, looking over and placing on her glasses.

"I think so." The male half-elf responds softly, Sherri then notices that half-orc with them.

"Who's this one? What’s he doing here?" She questions with a threatening tone. The others mumble over there words a bit until the male gnome gives a proper responce.

"He’s a friend, he fought with us. He’s… he's not corrupted by the dragons influence."

"If I could know your name orcish sir."

"It’s really cool." The gnome quickly adds.

"I’m Garthok." The half-orc gives a bow.

"Keep your distance, I don’t trust you yet." She gives him a weary side look.

"Of course," he then turns to Salda as Sherri directs her attention back onto Gilmore. "If I may ask you, I don’t recall you having four children." You raise your head up seeing now that all eyes have turned to you making you feel a little uneasy as you try to press yourself into the wall more.

"They're not mine. But they helped in our rescue too." Salda comments. There’s more chatter amongst the group as the white haired gnome now walks over to you.

"Hello there." Her voice is gentle and sweet, easing away some of the fear and tension that you’ve built up. You give a soft greeting back and wait for her to speak again. "My name's Pike, what’s your name?"

"I’m (y/n), it’s nice to meet you Pike." You hold your hand out for her to shake making her notice the concerning burns and bruises on you.

"Oh, you poor child. Here let me help." She takes your hand and once again you see a soft light emit from her, though defiantly not as strong as what she used to heal Gilmore. The small light travels from her hand into yours making its way up your arm and to the rest of your body, you instantly feel a lot better and a little more energized as the burns and bruises slowly disappear. Pike then helps you to your feet and you both scuffle back over towards everyone else. You sit yourself down again and try to get a better look at the still unconscious Gilmore quickly noticing the stares from the male half-elf.

"We were told you were the one who ran back in to save him. Is this true?" He questions, gaining your full attention. He had a bit of an intimidating look to himself but you were used to people like that, having travelled around with Beau and Yasha so much.

"I mean he saved me from being crushed so I owed him… I guess? But mostly he was in a lot of trouble, someone had to help." You scratch the back of your head sheepishly, not sure how to explain yourself pausing in your actions and redirecting your attention when you feel his hand on your shoulder.

"Thank you." He gives you a small but genuine smile of gratitiude, you return the gesture with your own small smile.

"What’s your name mister?" You suddenly ask, now realizing you never got it. He gives a soft, feathery laugh at your newfound curiosity.

"Call me Vax."

"Hi Vax, I’m (y/n)." If you paid close attention you could see his smile rise slightly. There’s a cough and the attention was switched back to Gilmore as he slowly regained consciousness. His head lulls back and you can see him smile a little as his eyes train onto Vax's.

"Ah… it's always what I’d assume I’d see in my last moments." He give a soft chuckle mixed with light coughing.

"Bad day, huh."

"Strangely enough I’m pretty sure I’ve had worse." You catch yourself giggle a little at his comment.

"No offence darling but you look like shit." The one who spoke looked a lot like Vax, you could easily conclude they were siblings, probably twins if you really had to guess.

"We can’t have that can we." He then raises his hand, attempting to conjure some magic but a fit of coughs causes it to sputter away. He pauses a second to regain his breath. "Sooo, either we're all dead or all alive… I’d like an answer."

"Alive." The female Vax answers, you were really curious what her name was now mostly so you wouldn’t have to keep thinking of her as female Vax.

"Good, I was hoping you’d say that." Gilmore let’s out a halfhearted laugh before continuing. You zoned out a little since the conversation wasn’t really directed at you and looked at the different members of this group. You already knew who Pike and Vax were as well as the half-orc Garthok, then there was Vax's twin, next to her was the other half-elf who looked like some sorta forest princess to you, then there was the big goliath and the fanciful gnome you could tell was defiantly a bard, and finally the nicely dressed man with glasses and silver hair. You wondered if they could help you get back to your time, but then again was it really a good idea to tell them you were actually from the future? They might think you’re crazy, plus they already had a lot on their plate with these dragons now roaming around so you decided it was best to keep your mouth shut for now. You notice the other kids had tears screaming down their faces, from what you picked up in the background it could only be because of their fathers fate. You scoot over towards them and tap Illiya's shoulder, she looks at you with red puffy eyes.

"I’m sorry that happened." She nods a little and you end up giving her a hug, the other two joining in to gain some form of ground and comfort.

"After finding this little one here, I went to the dragon just in case you’d been your usual foolish selves and run into hell itself." You chimed back into the conversation when you hear this, seeing Gilmore turn to look at you. "Suppose I do have you to thank as well, for me still being here."

"Well… I couldn’t just leave you there, and you saved me too. It was only fair." You weren’t used to getting so much credit for something since it was always someone else from the Nein who'd end up coming in clutch for the rest of the team, it felt nice for sure but you also couldn’t help feel a little embarrassed too.

"This kid's got guts, I like 'em." The goliath says, they went on to ask questions to things you weren’t familiar with, also trying not to remember the many burnt and dead bodies you’d encountered when they asked Gilmore about other survivors. Going back to your own thoughts you battled with the idea of telling these strangers about your situation and if they could in any way help or simple wait it out and hope that when or if the spell wears off you’ll be sent back home no problem. After all it’s only been a day some spells last much longer then that, still though the sooner you could get home the better.

There's some movement as everyone starts to get up, you quickly follow along with everyone and start making your way up top. You follow the group soon noticing that Vax, his sister, the male gnome, and Garthok head off in one direction while everyone else head in another. The walk starts silent as you trudge through the muddy streets, rain pouring down on you. It would've been fine but you’d been sitting in silence all day and was getting tired of having your thoughts keep you down, plus you were curious about this group of adventurers you were with. With a deep breath and a feeling of courage you walk up to the half-elf.

"Are you a princess?" You let your curiosity break the ice, the woman stalls her movements slightly then looks down at you.

"S-sorry?" She seemed surprised, you ask your question again and she blinks a few times, processing your words. "I suppose I am, in a way. Why do you ask?"

"It’s just you look so pretty and you have this look of like a leader to you." She blushes at your comment and smiles, actually this may be the first time you’ve seen her smile since you met her.

"Well thank you. I’m Keyleth." She holds her hand out for you to shake. So this was the Keyleth mentioned earlier, that was good to know.

"It’s very nice to meet you, I’m (y/n)." You accept the handshake, already feeling a sense of comfort around her you walk along side her. "So who are your other friends?"

"You mean you don’t know?" She looked at you confused.

"Well," you pause a second and make sure what you say doesn’t reveal too much information yet. "I’m not from around here, so I don’t know that much." You say satisfied with your answer, it wasn’t like you were lying after all.

"Oh! Umm… well let’s see… you already know who Pike is I’m sure." You nod.

"And Vax." You quickly pipe in.

"And Vax," she repeats with confirmation, "then there’s his twin Vex."

"There names sound the same, that must be confusing."

"It can be sometimes. Now Vex has a pet bear named Trinket."

"She owns that cool bear!" You have to stop yourself from shouting with excitement while pointing at the armoured bear that’s been traveling with you, earning a small giggle from Keyleth.

"Yes, she does, he’s very friendly if you want to pet him later." You can hardly contain your smile, having something to look forward to after this conversation. Keyleth clears her throat a little to regain your attention. "Then there’s Scanlan, he’s the other gnome in our group and he’s really good at making up songs." You nod and let her continue. "Next is Percy over there," she points to the man with the silvery hair. "He’s had a lot to deal with recently so don’t mind him if he seems a little stand off-ish with you. There’s myself of course, and finally there’s Grog, he’s not the sharpest tool but he is the heaviest. Together we are Vox Machina." She finishes her explanation with a proud look on her face.

"That’s a really cool name, my friends have a cool name for our adventure group too." You stop realizing it may not have been wise to have said that last part aloud.

"You’re with another group? What do they call themselves?" She looks at you with genuine curiosity. Before you answer her a small group of individuals step out, armed with various blades.

"Hey! Drop your stuff! Give us what you’ve got." One starts, to which Keyleth leaves your side and socks them in the jaw. You hold back a laugh, that looked like something Beau would do. Sherri pulls out her wand and unleashes a bolt of lightning, blasting off a piece of nearby wall making it crumble to the ground. Gilmore supports his own weight for a moment and slowly raises his arm, bolts of arcane energy whipped around him making him look really cool and powerful.

"Do you gentlemen seriously wish to start this ruckus?" He says with a threatening tone, the men pause and share a look.

"No." They all sheath their weapons and scurry off again.

"Yeah you better run!" Keyleth shouts at the retreating forms.

"Yeah, you tell 'em Kiki." Grog compliments.

"Thank you. I’m trying to get better at it." She smiles at him. You were just glad you could avoid any conflicts, not wanting to deal with any at this time. You traverse through the streets some more seeing folks working to dig mass graves for the ones who perished, you avert your eyes from the sight having already seen enough death for one day. You walk over to the bear, Trinket if you remember correctly and he immediately gives you a sniff, puffing air into your face making you brighten up a little and pet him on the muzzle.

"Did you say secret passage!?" You hear a very excited Gren say eagerly, you perk up more at the idea of a secret passage too.

"I did! I did!" Keyleth replies with a smile at the boys excitement. "Did you want to go see it?" You get closer and start a little chant.

"Secret passage secret passage." Gren quickly joining in, even his sisters joined your little chant making Salda smile for the first time since you’d met her.

"We can't dissappoint the children." Keyleth looks to Grog expectantly.

"Fine. Secret passage it is." He says in a half-joking kinda way. You all make your way down through the secret passage, which wasn't as exciting as you thought I’d be but it did it’s job and you safely make it to the party's base. As you start making your way up and out of the passageway you see some attendants, who looked worked to the bone, come over and greet the party before turning to you and the other kids.

"Oh, and children. You’ve got children have ya." One kneels down, you shrink back a bit unable to hide behind someone for protection like the other three. You all walk into the next room where hundreds of others were already settled and the panic you’ve been setting aside this whole time crept in again. You didn’t know anyone here, what were you supposed to do now? It had already taken a lot of your courage to put blind trust in the people who brought you here but now they could easily walk away and you’d be left with no one. Not to mention you still had no idea how to get back to your own time. You could feel the tears pricking at the edges of your eyes and a few spill over.

"Hey, kid." You quickly wipe your eyes and look over to see that Percy had called your attention. "I have a few questions I’d like to ask you." You give a nod and follow him as he leads you away from the large group of people, well the entire place was crowded but you managed to find a less populated area. You shuffle in place a bit as you wait for him to speak again. "Alright first off, where did you come from?"

"Wh-what do you mean?" You give him a confused look, he sighs and rubs the bridge of his nose.

"I overheard you talking to Keyleth, you said you weren’t from around here. So where are you from?" You could tell he was trying to be patient with you, which you appreciated since you were sure he probably had other things he wanted to do.

"Oh! Ummm, well I’m from Wildemount."

"From Wildemount? How could child from Wildemount be here all alone, where are parents?" He gives you almost a suspicious look making you knaw at your lip, not sure if now was a good time to fess up about everything or not.

"Well that’s a long and, ummm… crazy story. You probably wouldn’t believe me if I told you."

"Kid-"

"My name's (y/n)." You weren’t sure if that came off as rude but you figured he might as well know your name since you knew his.

"Right, (y/n) then, I have seen and done countless things in my life. So whatever it is you’re hiding may not be as crazy as you think." You take a deep breath and try to think of a good way to explain this.

"Ok, well my friend Caleb was working on a spell that I think shifts space and time or something but it went wrong and I wasn’t looking so I got hit with it and then I wake up in a place I never been in before and then dragons came out of nowhere so I ran then I met that nice man Gilmore and then I met you guys and I don’t know how to get home." You suck in some air after blurting it out in one breath, your well thought out explaination broken the second you opened your mouth the words just tumbling out. Percy just stares at you for a moment, maybe you spoke too fast for him to catch everything so you quickly add a shortened version to your story. "What I’m saying is I’m… from the future."

"Well you were right, I do find this crazy and I'm having a very hard time believing your story."

"It’s true though." You pout a little, you figured he wouldn’t believe you but he was the one to coax the story out of you in the first place.

"Percy! There you are." Vex ran over and embraces Percy, leaving you to stand there awkwardly. When she lets go of him she notices your presents. "Hello there darling." She gives you a kind smile.

"Hi, you’re Vex right?" You wanted to make sure you said the right name, she gives you a nod.

"Indeed I am, and you are?"

"I’m (y/n). I really like your bear." She laughs a little at your comment.

"He’s pretty great isn’t he," she then looks back to Percy. "What are you doing here with them, if I may ask."

"Well, (y/n) here says they're from Wildemount, which I can believe. What I don’t believe is their claim of being from the future." Percy explains.

"But it’s true, I’ve read stories that have mentioned a Gren, Illiya and Odessa Tal’Dorei but they’re much older in those stories then they are here." Even with your attempt at an explanation neither looked like they really believed you.

"Well, truth or not I have question of my own for you." You look at Vex and wait for her to continue. "You were with Gilmore when he went to face the Cinder King, what I’d like to know is if you saw anything that may have been odd or different about about this dragon. I know it’s a lot to ask you but anything will do if you saw something." You dig though your thoughts trying to think if there was anything at all, then you remeber something you did catch before the dragon was out of view.

"Uhhh, there was his weird belly scales."

"What about them would you say was weird?" Vex crouches down to your height and gives you a patient look, you try really hard to rummage with your thoughts to figure out why they looked weird to you not wanting to let these people down for some reason.

"Oh! I think it was because they didn’t look like real scales, they looked more like armour trying to protect something… I mean, I think so anyways. Sorry, I know it’s not a lot."

"No no darling, you’re doing fine." She gives you a calming smile. "So you think he’s wearing armour that look like scales in order to protect something, is that right?" You nod and she gives you a gentle pat on the head. "Good to know, that could be very helpful in the future."

"Speaking of future, I need to find a way back home." They both look to you and Percy gives a sigh.

"This again-" he’s cut off by Vex lightly smacking him in the gut.

"Percy," she gives him a look, "the least we can do is help this poor child reunite with their family." He looks between you and her for a second then nods.

"You’re right. Maybe Pike can help if magic is indeed involved." The two of them then lead you to a sorta chapel area where some people were bowed in deep prayer while others seemed to just be using the space to sleep for the night. You find Pike in front of a statue of a feminine figure you'd never seen before, you were positive they were some sort of goddess though. She turns to face you upon hearing your approach.

"Hi guys, what can I do for you?" She greets the three of you. Percy gives a quick summery of what you'd told him to her and she places a hand under her chin in thought. "You know, actually that could explain the strange magical aura I felt around them when I touched their hand."

"Really?!" You, Vex and Percy all say at once, yours was more in excitement while theirs was in shock.

"Do you think you could reverse it and send me home?" You happily ask, bouncing on the balls of your feet. Pike turns to you and gives you a faint smile.

"I could, but you’re gonna have to wait until tomorrow. I already used a lot of my divine magic today." You deflate a little with a sigh but nod in understanding, Pike places a hand gently on your shoulder. "It’ll be ok, I promise you’ll be back where you belong before you know it." She reassures and a small smile returns to you with those words. As the evening draws to a close you decide to stay in the little chapel for the night, it’s a bit of a struggle but you do eventually drift off to sleep.

Sunshine peeking through the windows cause you to wince as you awaken with a yawn and stretch out your limbs. Taking a look around you were still in the chapel, others there still waking themselves up, were already awake or bowed in prayer. The doors open and you bring your attention to the group you’d met yesterday walking in.

"I’m just saying if this child really is from the future, like you said, then they must know what 'appens." You hear the goliath say.

"Here’s the thing Grog, they’re from Wildemount they most likely don’t know Tal'Doren (don’t know if that’s the correct term) history, and what purpose would we have going there?" Percy argues, you slowly get up off the bench you’d been sleeping on and approach them.

"Good morning," Keyleth addresses you, "you ready to finally go home." You respond by eagerly nodding.

"Wait! Before anything else, I have to know… am I known worldwide in the future?" You blink a few times at the male gnomes question.

"I’m sorry, what was your name again?" This gets a few laughs from the other members as he gives a sigh of defeat but quickly brightening up again.

"I am the great Scanlan Shorthalt, ring any bells now?" You try to think if you’ve heard or seen that name anywhere before.

"You know I think I have seen your name on a book before. But I never got to read it, my friends were busy and we couldn’t stay in the shop long but I’m sure I saw a book with your name on it." This seemed to brighten him up more before he’s pulled away by Vax and Pike steps forward.

"Ready to go?" She asks sweetly. Once again you nod eagerly. "Okay, here goes." She starts casting a spell and you feel your body start to tingle a little, your arms starting to shimmer. The light around you glows brighter and brighter.

"If you have time, you should come and visit some time in the future!" You weren’t able to tell who said that as your vision goes white………

When your able to open your eyes again your back in the Xhorhaus, you pick yourself up off the floor and hear a loud squee as your tackled into a hug.

"Oh my gosh, (y/n) your back! We were soooo worried about you!" It was so reliving to hear Jesters bubbly voice again. Her shouts of joy alert the rest of the Nein as they rush to your location and instantly start bombarding you questions, they quickly die down noticing your lack of responce. You feeling overwhelmed with relief and joy just start bawling your eyes out, no longer containing all the tears you’d been holding back. They quickly realize now wasn’t the time for questions and settle with bringing you into a comforting group hug which you return. You were so happy to finally be home, but you couldn’t help but wonder about that other adventuring group you’d met, Vox Machina is what they’d called themselves right? You wondered what happened to them, sure for you it’s maybe been a minute but it’s been maybe over 20 years since they’d met you. Did they even remeber you? Maybe one day you’ll get a chance to find out, but right now you savoured in the moment of being home.

#critical role #vox machina #vax'ildan #vex'ahlia #cr grog #pike trickfoot #scanlan shorthalt #percy de rolo #keyleth #mighty nein #the mighty nein #caduceus clay #caleb widogast #jester lavorre #fjord #fjord stone #nott the brave #yasha nydoorin #beauregard lionett #mollymauk tealeaf #nothing romantic here #vox machina & reader #critical role & reader #mighty nein & reader

[mollymauk-teafleak]

Black Coffee (part four)

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3

If you like this, please please please consider reblogging, leaving a comment on Ao3 or even donating to my Ko-Fi

~~~~~~~~~~

Every single time, Vax told himself he was an idiot.

Every time he caught himself staring at Percy’s smile. Every time he’d replay his laughter over and over again in his head as he fell asleep because the sound soothed him so much. Every time he’d sleep over and find himself wearing one of Percy’s shirts in the confusion of gathering up their widely scattered clothes, only to curl up into it tighter, pulling it over the lower half of his face and inhaling deeply, feeling something inside himself unwind at the smell of Percy.

Each and every time, he’d think to himself afterwards: Vax’ildan, you are an idiot.

He told himself it was pointless. He told himself it was a ridiculous infatuation that was only going to get worse the more he indulged it. He cursed himself for a moony eyed teenager, he cursed his blind, ridiculous heart, he cursed his piss poor judgement in growing a silly crush on someone who saw him as a friend at best, a way to indulge a kink at worst and most likely.

But those moments didn’t stop coming. So he remained an idiot.

Another week, another email.

Percy tapped his fingers against the keys, enough to make an irritating noise but not enough to actually make words appear on the screen, as if the right thing to say would just come passively if he made the night motions.

The first part of the email had been easy, congratulating Cassandra on getting through her finals, encouraging her with her upcoming dissertation and exhibition, promising he’d fly out and come to opening night.

The second part was where he got stuck, as soon as he was required to talk about himself. He knew Cassandra would have absolutely no interest in the company, how the profit margins were doing, any reshuffling of the board. Percy was supposed to be the figurehead of all that and even he barely managed to care. He knew she’d at least feign polite interest in the new rotary motors he’d designed but there was only so much he could say about those without attaching blueprints to his response.

And he still felt a panic attack coming on whenever he thought about even trying to tell her about Vax.

At least he had Keyleth to talk to about that. He was getting better at being more open with her, probably thanks to Vax himself. Yet another thing he owed him.

Just yesterday she’d come over for dinner (a dinner that consisted of food from their respective favourite takeaways, he’d never learned how to cook) and Percy had found himself talking for hours about things Vax had said, date ideas that had been his that Percy never would even have dreamed of doing but had enjoyed immensely. Even Vax’s sister had gotten a mention and he’d grinned to see Keyleth’s ears quite literally pick up and her eyes brighten. He quietly resolved to find out if Vex’ahlia was single.

But there were things he couldn’t even tell his best friend or his sister. Things he was still struggling to admit to himself or even give form to inside his own head.

The idea that maybe he was starting to feel differently about Vax. That as fun and exhilarating as the sex and honeymoon dates were, things were changing below the surface.

Percy shifted uncomfortably in his chair, fingers itching to take him back to the dog adoption websites he’d been obsessively browsing lately. But Cassandra had been waiting two days for a reply now and he’d be damned if she was going to beat him at correspondence.

He tapped out a brief reply, one sentence to say work was fine and he was building new stuff, as always then launched into more praise for her recent art pieces she’d put on Instagram. Much safer brotherly territory.

But then there was the last part of her email. The one his brain had desperately tried to slide right off of but had become embedded inside him like a bee sting.

So, I saw the anniversary is coming up next week. I hate calling it an anniversary but you know, there’s no good word for it. I know it’s hard so call me if you want to, okay? Or go to the charity gala, one of us probably should. Just don’t be alone. Promise, Percy.

Of course he’d forgotten, if there was such a thing as wilfully forgetting something. The gala was organised without any input from him, it was a company thing, the purview of their non-profit division. People at work had long ago learned not to bring anything even tangentially connected to the anniversary (Cassie was right, there really was no other word for it) to their boss’ attention.

No doubt the invitation would appear on his assistant’s desk in the next day or so, ready for its annual frosty ignoring before being consigned to the shredder the second the date inscribed on it had passed.

But if Percy was completely honest with himself, as rare as that occasion was, he really didn’t want to face that day alone. He didn’t want to bear it in his usual way. Not that he ever had wanted to get through it by finding a bar and drinking until he passed out but he’d always just sort of sunken into that.

And Cassandra knew it. Hell, she’d been the one who’d had to take a red eye flight to the city and sit by him in the hospital as he’d recovered from getting his stomach pumped last year.

The look on her face when he’d finally woken up and broken down into wracking sobs wasn’t something he ever wanted to see on his baby sister’s face ever again. He wasn’t going to be responsible for adding to her pain ever again.

He finished his email with a single sentence, no context, no other acknowledgement of the hot coals they were both trying to dance around.

I promise, Cassie.

“Holy fuck…I don’t think I have anything that fancy, Freddy,” Vax yelped but he was grinning, excitement already lighting up his face.

Percy smiles, reaching over and tucking Vax’s hair behind his ears, he remembered him saying it annoyed him when it was in his face, “I’ll take you shopping. But wait until you’ve actually been to one of these parties before you thank me for the invite, they’re painfully boring.”

“Probably to you!” Vax maintained his dreamy eyed excitement as he swept his shirt over his head, “I’m gonna drink fancy wine and admire fancy dresses and dance to fancy music. I’ll finally get to use the waltz moves I know.”

“I look forward to seeing them,” Percy let his jeans fall to the floor, “I’ll admit, it might actually be worth my time if you’re with me.”

Vax grins, wiggling out of his boxers, “Freddy, if you need someone to show you that getting drunk in the name of charity can be fun, I’m your man.”

“You are,” Percy’s demeanour became hungry, grinning crookedly as he pulled the now naked Vax against him, spinning him into the shower and under the warm spray of water. The half elf was giggling, legs anchoring around his hips, by the time Percy kissed him up against the tile wall.

It was so easy to smile and laugh and make jokes when he was kissing Vax. It was so easy to forget.

“The car will be here in half an hour,” Percy called out, walking into the living room as he fiddled with his cufflinks. He’d never gotten the hang of these things.

A memory rose up in the back of his mind, unasked for, unbidden. His own hands, awkward and spindly with youth, struggling with a set of cufflinks. Stronger hands, wearing the signet ring that Percy now saw on his own hand every morning, covering his own and guiding them.

Here, son, let me. It takes some getting used to.

Percy cursed as one slipped out of his fingers and hit the hardwood with a sharp crack that rang louder than it actually had been in his ears. The black stone in it fractured, a hairline break down the middle. It must have landed in just the wrong way.

“Whoops,” Vax was suddenly there, scooping up the little shining piece of silver, “Here we go.”

“It’s broken…” Percy frowned, half his brain still somewhere else.

“Not all that much,” Vax reassured him, taking his hand gently and fixing it into place, “It’s still good, see?”

Percy managed a thin smile. It was hard not to smile, seeing Vax all dressed up.

They hadn’t found anything that suited Vax at the place Percy went to get his suits, they’d both agreed everything there was a little too stuffy for his tastes. Instead, they’d turned to Mollymauk Tealeaf, who took the black dress Vax had worn to the ballet and an old suit of Percy’s and made something spectacular.

It was a little bit of both, a black, clinging suit of silken material that flowed down his body as a stunning waterfall of inky fabric, affixed at his wrists to make something not unlike wings. It rippled when he moved and caught the light in the most beautiful ways and made Percy’s mouth a little dry.

It was going to cause a stir, Percy knew with a satisfied smile. It was his name on the silverware, after all.

“You look beautiful,” Percy leaned in and kissed him, quickly so as not to pick up any of his black lipstick. There would be plenty of time to get it in all manner of scandalous places after the party.

“You’re a charmer,” Vax purred, straightening his jacket lapels, “Half an hour, you said?”

Percy could see where his mind was going and he dearly wanted to follow him down that train of thought but he knew letting Vax go into this blind would be a bad idea. So he sighed and gave a little shake of his head.

“Just so you know, love? This night…it’s for the charity that was set up in my parents’ name after they died. Like a memorial thing? So if people treat me weird tonight, that’s why.”

Vax blinked, understandably a little rattled by that, “Oh…right…”

“Sorry,” Percy winced, he couldn’t pretend to be surprised, “That’s a lot to take in at once…”

“Maybe a little,” Vax admitted, hands resting on Percy’s chest, “But…I get it’s a difficult thing to put into words. Thanks for letting me know though, I could see myself putting my foot right in it.”

Percy let himself relax a little into Vax’s contact, safe in the knowledge he’d keep him upright, “All I need from you tonight is to do the exact opposite of what everyone else is probably going to do and not treat me weird. Just…dance with me, let’s make a few people whisper and if you could remind me that I’ve got some pretty amazing sex waiting for me if I make it through tonight, I’d appreciate that.”

Vax smiled and kissed his cheek, “I can absolutely do that.”

“Oh,” Percy hesitates, another wince in his expression, “And don’t let me drink?”

Vax sensed a strong undercurrent of ‘do not ask’ under that so he just smiled and nodded, squeezing Percy’s arm.

“Hey, it’s going to be okay, Freddy. I’ll be with you.”

The party was held in a manor house a little ways out of the city, a place that seemed to have been built purely for ridiculously grand parties like this one. The whole exterior was illuminated by soft dancing lights, making the high stone walls, the flowers in the garden, the couples that filed in all look vaguely angelic and otherworldly.

Vax gawked and stared shamelessly as they moved into this other dimension of cream and silk and champagne. Flower garlands grew up the walls and spread curious fingers across the floor, actually growing if you looked for long enough, filling the room with a fresh, clean scent. Glasses were pressed on them as soon as they entered, full of a wine that actually changed as you sipped it, moving along a spectrum of fruit flavours.

Percy politely waved his on.

There was an upper mezzanine with tables, clearly where the food would be served, but the whole lower floor was kept free for dancing and mingling, what most of the guests were actually here to do. Already groups were forming and breaking up in smooth succession, like leaves borne on an unseen current, snagging and being swept on. The rhythm of it all was odd when seen from above, like a sort of dance.

“I do not belong here,” Vax laughed delightedly, leaning against the balcony.

“Count yourself lucky then,” Percy smirks, straightening his glasses, “Looks like I put on a pretty good party, huh?”

“And all without looking,” Vax chuckled, “Very well done, Mr de Rolo.”

Percy puts his hand on Vax’s, “Well, it’ll raise some money at least. Rich people get really generous when they drink.”

Vax took another drink, tasting tart plum this time. He let his eyes rove over the dance floor below, still finding interesting little finishes he hadn’t noticed yet. The way the candles hovered under some spell, somehow knowing where they were needed, following the larger knots of people. The troupe of musicians, sporting everything from sleek Marquetian guitars to elaborate stringed affairs from the Menagerie Coast, whose music could be turned up or down in any listener’s ears as they wished. There were bowls of iced fruit glistening on an array of tables, the perfect thing to snack on when you knew you had a banquet in an hour. No one was dancing yet, the party still being in its fledgling stages but Vax already had a mind of change that. The people here seemed older, the ones here to network rather than relax, but maybe even they could be convinced if they had a good enough example. Vax saw mostly humans though there were a few with the easy, self-confident air of the Aasimar and, of course, the only other race who could look even more self-possessed-

“Shit,” Vax choked out, suddenly drawing back as if he’d been sprayed with scalding water.

Percy turned, suddenly alert, “What? What’s wrong?”

Ashy with shock, eyes roving for the exits and well aware it was too late to pretend the answer was nothing, Vax mumbled, “I didn’t know Syldor Vessar would be here.”

Percy frowned, “I…yeah, he often comes to things like this…I think my father worked with him on a few projects in the past…Vax, what’s the problem?”

“Nothing,” Vax insisted weakly, “Well, no. I mean. He’s my father.”

Percy’s eyes widened behind his glasses. Vax knew he was suddenly seeing matching features, commonalities, making sense of the distinct point to his ears.

“I’m sorry,” he said softly, “I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t tell you, how could you know?”

Vax was instinctively moving away, acting like a cornered animal, backing up in a secluded alcove. All of the delicately bouncing candles within a five meter radius fled in a heartbeat.

Percy followed, suddenly standing protectively, making himself a shield, “I can have a car here in five minutes, are you okay until then? Or we can just go, we’ll walk a little…”

“No, no…” Vax said quickly, biting his lip, “No, sorry. It was just a shock. I haven’t seen him in a while.”

Though it was clear some of the pieces were already in place, Percy asked haltingly, “Was it not…”

Vax pulled a face, “He doesn’t like that I’m trans. He doesn’t like a lot about me, really. And I hate a lot about him. So me and Vex left.”

Anger flashed across Percy’s face, brief but intense, “He what?”

Vax gave a short sigh, “Freddy, three quarters of the people here would probably think he was right. Please don’t go punch him. It won’t win you any friends.”

The anger collapsed under the weight of discomfort, “Oh. I wasn’t going to…”

“Sorry,” Vax shook his head like he was shaking sense into himself, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to snap. Seriously, I’m fine. This is your night, I’m here for you.”

“Vax’ildan…”

Vax had his mind made up. It was clear since he’d admitted what this party was for that Percy had taken a long, long time to convince himself to go. He needed to be here, he needed to honour his parents in some small way, even if it was just for an hour. Vax wouldn’t be the reason he caved.

“Seriously, Freddy, it’s fine. The party’s big enough that we can avoid him and even if we do need to say a five second hello…well, fuck, it’s going to actually be fun for him to see me on the arm of someone whose twice as rich as he is. Just don’t tell him I’m technically on the job.”

Percy still looked like he would protest, for honour’s sake, but he let it go and gave a little smile, “You’re not on the job, Vax, not tonight. At least, it doesn’t feel like it. I’m glad you’re here just as my friend.”

Vax swallowed, a feeling he was irritatingly familiar with making its presence known.

Vax’ildan, you’re an idiot.

The party went smoothly for a while.

It was fun, Vax realised, like play acting. Like they’d all raided a parent’s closet for odds and ends, mismatched bits and pieces, makeup that they only had the vaguest idea of how to use but were all having enormous fun enacting scenes from an elaborately illustrated fairy story. They were all aware of the absurdity of it, underneath, but it paled in comparison to the entertainment value.

Vax was reminded of the times he and Molly had gleefully wasted hours in the costume storage rooms of the community theatre, trying on coats that didn’t fit them, hats that were ridiculously small, anything with an excessive amount of beads or sequins, laughing until it hurt.

Quickly and easily, Vax lost himself in the performance of it all. He perched happily on Percy’s arm, always making sure he had a glass at least half full in his hand with which to gesture, listening to the conversations they were pulled into like asteroids being snatched up in the orbits of various planets. They were like a foreign language, talking about places and people he’d never heard of and had to force himself not to laugh out loud at, they seemed so odd. Fortunately, though he hid it much better thanks to years of practise, Percy seemed just as bewildered as Vax did by most of it.

Every so often, he’d interject something, a sprightly little comment or joke, more often than not to save Percy when he’s clearly ran out of things to say. Each new group would look surprised the first time, like they’d assumed he couldn’t talk, like he’d been presumed to be Percy’s handbag or something. But then they’d laugh, either out of politeness or genuine amusement, Vax didn’t care. It was the relieved, grateful little glances from Percy that he cared about.

There were awkward moments, of course, whenever someone he recognised from his and Vex’s years of incarceration with Syldor appeared in that moment’s huddle of listeners. He could see the hesitation on their face every time, the shock, the clear attempt to guess whether the situation had changed, the rumours had been incorrect and he was back in his father’s good graces.

But if any of them had chanced to notice that, despite the undeniable pressure of natural social graces, Syldor and Vax’ildan never ended up in the same circles, they would have had their answer.

There was a moment, in the lull between songs where the chatter seemed to press in a little louder, where Vax had been admiring the flowers again, trying to see if their colours were magical or a feature of the plant itself. His eyes must have slid the wrong way at the wrong time because suddenly he was making direct eye contact with Syldor from across the room. And those eyes were filled with a stunned, scandalised anger.

The part of Vax that was and probably always would be the terrified young teenager who’d lived in fear of those eyes, that look, recoiled in panic. But there was more to him now, a stronger, surer part that simply smiled and squeezed Percy’s arm, prompting him to lean over and kiss his cheek softly. What Syldor’s face did after he saw that, Vax didn’t know.

He didn’t look back.

As if the night couldn’t be more full of surprises, Vax found that his shy, mechanically minded wallflower was a superb dancer.

“You’re a natural!” Vax laughed in delight as they moved in perfect time with the delicate waltz filling the space.

Percy blushed, as Vax knew he would, “I took lessons when I was younger, under threat of having my controllers taken away. All of my siblings did but I think they acquiesced much easier than I did.”

All of your siblings? Vax kept his face very deliberately unchanged.

“The world of dance doesn’t know what it’s lost,” he said confidently, moving through easy, rolling steps around the space. Not many other couples were dancing so they had practically the whole floor.

“Maybe I’m trying extra hard just to keep up with you,” Percy pointed out, tilting his head.

“Ballroom isn’t my thing,” Vax shook his head, “You’ve just got some serious natural talent.”

“Shut up,” Percy laughed coyly but at the very next turn he suddenly dipped Vax low, expertly, in perfect time with the music.

Vax would have kissed him fiercely if he hadn’t been worried any distraction would end with him in a heap on the floor.

Once righted, instead of moving back into hold, Percy paused, taking Vax’s hands in his own, “I...I didn’t think it was possible for me to actually enjoy this night. And I actually kind of have. Or at least, I’ve been able to distract myself enough to…” he flushed bright red, “Anyway. I’m rambling. Thank you, is what I’m trying to say.”

Vax smiled softly, “Don’t mention it, Percy. Seriously, don’t, it looks like you might pull a muscle if you keep trying to.”

Percy snorted at that, “See? This is why I love having you around.”

One of those odd moments followed, the ones where it really felt like someone should have been saying something. A cue had been missed, the progression had halted, empty space that wasn’t supposed to be empty suddenly hung between them.

Percy opened his mouth, looking like he was going to say something but part of him didn’t want to.

And that was when the music stopped, fading into silence in as classy a way as that could be done. Immediately, the people around them began moving back to the mezzanine, apparently all knowing that it was time for food and speeches. Vax felt like he’d missed a memo somewhere.

“Dare me to ask for tomato sauce with whatever fancy stuff they serve?” Vax turned back to Percy, grinning.

As soon as their eyes met, that grin died like a scrap of paper set alight, turned to nothing in half a heartbeat. Percy looked like he was about to throw up, paler even than he usually was, a rabbit suddenly caught in the headlights of a sixteen wheeler.

“Percy?” Vax was alarmed, squeezing his hand, “Percy, what’s wrong?”

There was a clear moment of hesitation, uncertainty, but something seemed to swerve to the left at the very last moment and he fixed a thin, unconvincing smile on his face, “Nothing. I’m hungry, let’s head up there.”

Vax frowned, not sure how he was being expected to believe that but then Percy was moving, taking his hand and leading him towards the stairs without another word. Hesitant to make a fuss, Vax sighed internally and didn’t resist. But he would definitely be bringing it up again on the ride home. Maybe Percy would be able to breathe a little better once it was just the two of them again.

They sat about as far back as they could physically manage without sitting on the floor. Vax was about to ask if they should move closer, surely if it was his company’s whole production, they’d want him visible? His surname was on the logo being projected up on the screen at the front, after all.

But he got the sense that hiding might be the whole point.

There was more fancy wine set out on the table, ones with names even longer than Percy’s. Vax eyed a glass thoughtfully but he had a pleasant, warm buzz going through his veins. Enough to make this party a damn sight more fun but not enough to risk him embarrassing himself. That was a comfortable place to be.

As he was looking, he saw Percy’s hand go out and draw a glass in, a quick, furtive gesture like he was hoping it wouldn’t be noticed.

Vax frowned. He was really getting his intelligence insulted tonight.

“Percy, you said you wouldn’t be drinking?”

Percy’s shoulders tensed, every inch the child caught with his hand in the cookie jar, “Just one with dinner. I’ll barely feel it.”

Vax paused, a bad feeling opening up inside him, “You asked me not to let you drink, Percy. There must have been a reason for that. I...I’d feel better if you didn’t.”

That brought Percy’s hand back to his side, if a little reluctantly, accompanied by a defeated sigh, “You’re right…”

Vax bit his lip, that bad feeling growing, “Percy, we don’t have to stay if something’s making you feel uncomfortable.”

He couldn’t read the expression that shifted across Percy’s face in that moment and before he could make any greater effort, the lighting in the room changed and everyone’s attention was politely turned to the front of the dining area, to the lectern before the screen.

An older human man settled there, bringing a neat set of cards from his inside pocket and clearing his throat in the manner of someone who was very comfortable with having about a hundred people listening to his every word.

“Well, firstly, an enormous thank you to all of you. Through your attendance and generosity, we have managed to raise an incredible amount of money to go towards the de Rolo Foundation, even more than in previous years. This money will undoubtedly be instrumental in ensuring those who lose their families to violence have support and care. I am certain the entire de Rolo family would be immensely proud.”

Beside Vax, Percy seemed to sink down lower in his seat as the eyes of everyone who actually knew who he was turned to him in that moment.

“What happened to the de Rolo family was nothing short of a tragedy,” the man continued, voice turning grave rather than celebratory, “Many of you who knew them still feel a strong sense of grief and outrage at how they were taken. Hopefully there is some comfort to be found in the fact that, through our actions here tonight, fewer will suffer as they and their remaining heirs did.”

A picture suddenly took up the screen behind him, replacing the Whitestone logo. Vax felt his chest tighten.

The first of the family in the picture that he recognised was of course Percy. He stood as stiff and aloof as the rest of the people around him who shared his facial features, though he was off to the side somewhat, certainly not the focus, part of the background dressing. There were nine of them, all dressed similarly in what had to be the colours of their family. An older woman and man who were of course the mother and father. The much younger Percy seemed to fall into the middle range of ages. More central was an older young man, placed right between the mother and father. Then a sister. Though they all looked incredibly similar, same angular faces, same hair, most of them wearing glasses, there were two who were identical enough that they had to be twins. That gave Vax a start. A couple of younger siblings too, barely into childhood.

It took him a long time to realise what was wrong, why something wasn’t quite right. And then it clicked, with another unpleasant lurch.

They all had brown hair. Brown as chestnuts, brown as chocolate, brown as mahogany.

And Vax had been picking white hairs off his dark clothing for as long as he and Percy had been an item.

“The loss of nearly the entire de Rolo family was a shock to us all,” the man continued, though his voice seemed further away to Vax, as lost as he was in the picture, “And even worse the years of turmoil that followed before their killers could be brought to justice. Of course we remember and acknowledge the bravery of Percival in his years of ensuring the truth came out and the company could return to his and his sister’s hands. Many thanks to young Percival.”

Vax couldn’t help it, he turned to Percy, confusion and shock on his face.

He wasn’t there. Both he and the bottle of wine from the centre of the table had disappeared.

Suddenly Vax realised everyone was looking at their table, expecting to see Percy as much as he had been, equally as surprised to be staring at an empty seat. There was a long, awkward silence where no one seemed quite sure of what to do.

After a moments carefully considered thought, Vax decided to get up and make a very swift exit.

Night had fallen when none of them had been looking, blissfully ignorant in the shrouds of both magically and mechanically generated lighting. But outside was fully within its arms; the air was chilly, too chilly for evening gowns, the sky was blacker than usual given they were a little outside the city and pierced through with starry pinpoints. The gardens that surrounded the manor had turned to silver and stone, what had been grown looking more like it had been carved or sculpted.

As anxious as he was to find Percy, Vax couldn’t help but feel some relief. He much preferred it out here to in there. In fact, it was only now that he realised he’d practically been holding his breath the entire evening.

He hitched up his skirts with one hand and hurried past flowerbeds and underneath overhead carpets of vine, listening for anything underneath the gentle but ever present trickle of water running somewhere unseen.

The water only seemed to grow louder as he went, naturally pulled into the epicentre of the garden. But underneath it, he managed to pick out a noise that could only be crying, acting as a perfect counterpoint to the rushing and babbling that already filled the space.

It made sense all in the same moment. An enormous fountain sat proudly in the little hidden courtyard that was revealed behind the shrubbery. It’s flow arched into the night sky where it came close to becoming pure moonlight before falling back down into the basin, ready to trace the path again like blood in an ornate, black iron body.

And slumped on the edge of it, sobbing softly with his tears hitting the gravel below like a tiny rainfall, was Percy.

As Vax watched, he groped for the bottle of wine that was resting haphazardly against his legs and drank deeply, an errant trickle running from the side of his lips though he didn’t seem to care. Only when the need for breath forced him to stop did the bottle return to it’s perfectly circular divot in the gravel, not half drained.

Vax lurched forward, forgetting that he’d wanted to make a more gentle entrance, “Percy, no…”

Percy jumped so badly it was a miracle he didn’t pitch backwards into the fountain. That probably would have soured things even more.

“Vax’ildan…”

Wanting desperately to hold him, touch him, fix this somehow but having no clue of how to go about it or if it would even be welcome, Vax just sat beside him on the cold, wet rim of the fountain, eyes wide and sad, “I’m here, Percy, it’s okay…”

“Vax, go back,” Percy croaked, turning his head as if it wasn’t too late to hide the tears, “You don’t have to...go back inside, enjoy yourself.”

“How could I enjoy myself without you?” Vax asked softly, reaching over and taking his hands.

Percy was quiet for a moment before the tears flooded back in with renewed strength, leaving him choking. Vax didn’t hesitate, taking him into his arms, letting him cling on as tight as he needed to. It was hard not to cry himself, listening to the agony that came pouring out like poison from a wound. It was so clear that years and years worth of pain had been locked inside him and were leaving him in one rush.

All he’d been missing had been someone to hold him, someone to tell him it was okay, someone who would say here, hold on to me, it will end.

How long had Percy been living without the reassurance that if he cried, someone would hear him?  

It could have been a lifetime before the tears finally ran their course, Vax didn’t care. But eventually Percy was left choking on air rather than salt water, chest heaving as his body dragged in deep breaths to replace what he’d lost.

“Easy, nice and easy,” Vax encouraged, placing a hand on his back, “You’re okay.”

Percy seemed to be calming down for a few moments until his eyes bulged suddenly and he threw himself to the side, vomiting copiously into the fountain.

Vax winced, reaching over quickly to save his glasses that were about to slip off, “Yeah, we’re never getting invited back…”

“Good,” Percy panted weakly, managing to right himself, “This whole night was a mistake. I don’t know why I keep trying to make this day anything other than a fucking disaster.”

“Well...I think that might be reasonable,” Vax said placatingly, “Given what I’ve come to understand about this day…”

Percy hunched in on himself, guilt clear as day on his face, “I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry. It’s just...it’s so hard to say the words out loud…” This voice grew dangerously thick and fragile.

“Darling, I understand,” Vax murmured, hand making slow, comforting circles across his back, “I’ve been there.”

That caught his attention. Vax hesitated, ready to see the same pity and condolence he’d been seeing in everyone’s eyes for years, the kind that made him feel vaguely ill.

But it didn’t come. The two men looked at each other the way two people who had been blindly fighting their way through a storm would, when they suddenly reached the eye at the very centre and, in the silence, realised they hadn’t been as alone as they thought.

“Who?” Percy asked softly.

“Our mother.”

And just like that he could see her face again, he could hear her voice, feel her fingers combing through his hair. Vax’ildan had a strong, deep resentment of every single piece of his DNA that had come from Syldor bar one. Whichever piece had given him an elf’s exceedingly good memory. Otherwise, who knew how much of his mother he might have lost.

Percy’s hand took Vax’s, fingers threading together, holding on tight. Vax managed to smile, even if it was a little shaky.

Nothing else came of that but both knew it was okay.

“I...I just didn’t expect all that,” Percy finally admitted, sighing deeply, “I didn’t expect the speech about them, actually talking about what happened...but it was, um, the picture. I couldn’t take that.”

Vax nodded slowly, “Have you not…”

Percy shook his head quickly, “No. Even looking at my sister is hard. It must be the same for her, I guess that’s why she ran to the opposite end of the country.”

Vax gently leant his head against Percy’s shoulder, “Do you want to talk about what happened?”

There was a long pause before he could find the right words. Having to open up something you’d hidden away for years wasn’t a simple task, not when every nerve in your body is screaming at you to do the exact opposite.

“I don’t really know what exactly my family did to piss them off,” Percy eventually began, “I don’t want to know either. I don’t care how it started, I care that it’s finished.”

“Who’s them?”

Percy swallowed hard, “The Briarwoods.”

Then it all came out, disjointed and rambling and disconnected but Vax edited it in his own mind after the fact. How one night at dinner after the family had welcomed two guests, a married couple of wealthy socialites, into their home Percy had begun to hear screaming.

He couldn’t remember a lot of the details, which was understandable and probably merciful. What he did remember was the sound of gunfire, muffled barks of exploding muzzles echoing through the hallways of the family home. He remembered blood pooling on the hardwood floors. He remembered pleading. He remembered laughter.

The only thing he could then say for certain was that he ended up outside, running for as long as his body could physically manage before collapsing at Keyleth’s door, his friend from school the only person his fevered mind could think to turn to.

When the sun rose the next day, every paper and news anchor in the city was reporting that his entire family had been killed in a robbery gone wrong. Everyone save himself, who was missing, and his youngest sister Cassandra, who was saved by the intercession of those same guests, the Briarwoods. He recalled a tearful Delilah Briarwood on the news, saying she only wished they could have done more.

In the exact same voice Percy had heard laughing in the blood spattered hallway.

Percy wasn’t fit to leave Keyleth’s sofa for the next few months, nearly broken clean in two by grief. So everything just happened around him, the grateful Cassandra signing over the family’s entire holdings to the Briarwoods in the absence of her brother, the whole company being seized, the locks on every property the de Rolo’s had owned being changed, barring Percy from any kind of financial help.

When he was finally well enough to open his eyes, to face the world around him, he found that he was completely and utterly abandoned by it.

Vax tried to absorb all that, heart hammering in his chest, “So...what did you do?”

“Kiki was happy for me to stay with her but…” Percy pulled a face, “I wasn’t fit to be around anyone. I wasn’t well, I was...drinking a lot. She kept trying to get me to go to therapy but that would mean people knowing I was alive and, with the Briarwoods still out there, with all of the money and protection I’d lost, I didn’t that that was such a good idea…”

“How did no one know?” Vax felt anger in the back of his throat, “Didn’t they investigate? Work out that the people who were pretty much strangers that had come to the house might have had something to do with the murders that happened that very night?”

Percy shrugged, “They had magic and money on their side. Delilah was a powerful magic user but...well, I doubt it was ever really needed. You’d be surprised how much suspicion and supposed authority can be turned aside by putting coin in the right pockets.”

Vax scowled down at the stones, feeling the injustice but also the truth of that burn in his chest. He’d seen Syldor do it enough times.

“So...I got a job as a mechanic. My father had always told me my tinkering would be nothing but a distraction but it was what got me through those years. That and not caring that the cars I was fixing were obviously stolen and I was being paid off the books.”

“Seriously?” Vax couldn’t help being a little impressed by that.

Percy gave a wayn smile, “If any police officer had looked in my workshop, they’d have found enough to put me in jail for a very long time. But bribery is not just the purview of the rich, thank the gods…” he looked back at his hands, “So I spent a long time not being Percival de Rolo. I just made as much money as I could, tried desperately to keep myself alive and spent years thinking of how to rescue my sister and make the Briarwoods suffer.”

The tone of Percy’s voice in that moment worried Vax, his smile falling into a concerned frown, “Understandable…”

Percy didn’t seem to pick up on it, “I was going to do something stupid. Very stupid. But fortunately, despite my being a shitty friend and all round terrible person, Keyleth stuck by me. She convinced me to hire a lawyer instead, do it through the courts. Gods, it was a nightmare. It took years longer than I wanted it to, I was on the verge of tearing my hair out or just finally drinking enough that I’d never wake up again.”

Vax’s stomach dropped.

“But then I’d think of Cassie,” Percy’s voice quietened, “How she must have felt as alone as I did. How I couldn’t let her down. Gods only know what they put her through while they had her, she won’t talk to me about it. Every second I was wasting feeling sorry for myself and falling asleep in gutters was another second she was under their power. And if I died then...then her hope died too.”

“But you did it,” Vax said quietly, squeezing his hand, “I’m not a big news watcher but I remember it a little now, I just never connected it to you. How you got the Briarwoods convicted, got custody of your sister back, everyone saw them for what they were. I remember everyone talking about how you were a hero, Percy.”

Percy grunted, nudging the wine bottle over with his toe so it’s contents spilled across the stones, “Maybe. But there’s still days I wonder if I wouldn’t have been happier just building myself a gun and shooting them both in the heart.”

“You wouldn’t,” Vax said firmly, turning him a little so they were facing each other, “And you didn’t. And that makes you better than them, Percy. That’s what makes you a hero.”

Percy managed to meet his eyes, though he still looked so young and so scared, “Then why does it hurt so much?”

“Because what happened to you was awful,” Vax said without hesitation, touching his face with a gentle hand, “It was unimaginably awful, most people couldn’t have survived it. And you’re allowed to feel that hurt. You’re allowed to cry. But I promise, one day, this pain will be manageable. You’ll be able to carry it.”

“How?” Percy whispered brokenly, desperation in his eyes, “I...I just can’t see how. I’m not strong enough.”

“I’ll help you be,” he murmured, stroking his thumb back and forth across his cheekbone, “You don’t have to do it alone.”

Percy swallowed hard, resting his forehead against Vax’s for a long moment. Sometimes words just weren’t enough.

Eventually he mumbled, like a child tired after a long day, “I’d like to go home now.”

“That sounds good to me, darling,” Vax smiled, “Let’s go brush your teeth, huh? Cos your breath is really...interesting right now.”

Percy laughed weakly, letting the half elf pull him to his feet, “Wine and vomit. Sorry your sugar daddy turned out to be a huge mess.”

“Ah, I’m sure there’s way worse than you out there,” Vax put his arm around the taller man, glad then he was wearing heels or the effect would be a little ruined, “And you have better reason than most.”

It took a few moments for their car to be brought around to the front of the house. A few moments to sit in a stronger breeze and catch their breath, to let the tears dry on Percy’s cheeks and for them both to realise that they’d had nothing to eat all evening and would definitely be stopping for a McDonalds on the way home, if they could convince their chauffeur to go through the drive through.

Feeling more exhausted than he ever had in his life, feeling like he might be on the way towards some kind of healing, Percy murmured, “You know...sometimes I think Percy de Rolo died that day too. Like I haven’t been myself since.”

Vax looked over at him, through his rapidly unravelling hairdo, strands of black hair falling into his eyes. The party behind them, faint with distance, had become just a soft background to their soft little moment.

Vax’ildan you poor fucking fool.

“I like who you are now, Percy.”

#black coffee #percildan #percy de rolo #vax'ildan #critical role #modern au #cr: percy #cr: vax #pleeeeeeeease give this some love #I'm writing this while juggling teaching

[vethyourhalflingmother]

tary & keeping in touch maybe?

Little Elf Girl,

How are you? How are the children? How’s Percival— still handsome and suave as ever, I hope.

I just received your last letter, even though it was dated three months ago. I swear, the postal service gets worse every year. The state of the government is getting shakier and shakier, if you want my honest opinion. Of course, I’m not saying anything treasonous, you know I would never— I quite like the Empire, for the most part, though they could do to focus more on mail and less on pissing off the Xhorhasians.

Enough of that dower talk, though. The hostel is doing well, and Maryanne’s finally starting to enjoy the work. Only took her a decade. The funny thing, Vex’ahlia, is that it seems like my sister’s as queer as I am. She’s taken a hell of a shine to one of the ladies who volunteers to teach the children that pass through. I asked her once, during an argument, if she would like it if I told her she had to marry a man, and she hit me over the head with a dishrag— rightfully so, I’m pretty sure I crossed a line. Even though she tried to get me to marry a woman once.

But, our squabbling aside, I wonder if that’s common for siblings? You’re bisexual, right? And Vax was, too? Your little sister’s seventeen or eighteen now, isn’t she? Ask her what she thinks of women. It’s for science. Ask Percival about his family, too, he never writes me back as quickly as you do. (It’d take me a year to get his answer at the postal service’s speed! But I’m not complaining anymore, I promise!)

Speaking of people’s romantic inclinations, I’m happy to report that it didn’t work out with that guy I was telling you about in my last letter. Why am I happy to report that? He was an absolute tool! Sure, he had a pretty face… a winning smile… great hair… abs I could’ve cut myself on… but his personality? Terrible. Absolutely abhorrent. I tried being shallow, I really did, but it was too much for me, if you can believe it. I’ve said it before, but it’s worth saying again: you’re lucky to have Percy. Obviously, he’s even luckier to have you, but as far as men go, he sets the bar high.

Oh, shit— I hate to cut this letter short, Vex, but I want to get it mailed out quickly so that it gets to you before Winter’s Crest, and my mother needs my help in the kitchen right now, so I’m afraid you’re going to have to want for my usual pages and pages of updates. I don’t know how you’ll ever survive, but you’re the strongest woman I know, so I have faith you’ll manage somehow.

Love you lots,

Taryon Darrington

~

Tary,

My husband’s as fine as ever, don’t you worry! My children and I are also quite well— it was kind of you to remember to include us in your pleasantries this time!

I’m sorry the postal service is so slow, darling. Percy and Keyleth are combining their expertise to create a quicker messaging system for those of us who are not as gifted in the arcane or the divine arts— and don’t you dare mention Pelor, Taryon, you know my blessing doesn’t include Sending. Anyway, they’re working on something, but with Keyleth leading her people and Percy raising five children? It’s going to take them a few years to finish, I’m afraid. Until then, we’re just going to have to settle with snail mail. We may get a good five, six letters sent between us before they’re done.

I’m glad to hear the path you’ve set for you family is doing well. I remember Maryanne’s protests. But she’s fallen for a teacher, eh? Just like her older brother? Maybe there is something running in the family there.

You remember Vax and I correctly, we both go rogue and ranger, as Scanlan would say. I once joked with Scanlan, I told him that’s why I’d started adding my brother’s rogue skills to my repertoire, and his dirty little eyes almost popped out of his head. Not the best joke I‘ve ever made, retrospectively. Poor phrasing. But it sure made him excited.

Interestingly enough, I’m almost certain that Velora is inclined toward women. When I’ve tried to discuss such matters with her, she’s been vague and cagey… but the way she looks at Cassandra, I think she may have a crush. It’s odd that she won’t talk to me about it, given that I can totally relate to swooning over a de Rolo (it’s a common phenomenon, is it not, Tary? perhaps you should come over and try to relate to her, hmm?), but I’m not about to force the point.

Percy says that all of his siblings were quote “flaming.” He didn’t elaborate much, but he did mention that his older brother used to get in trouble for sleeping around with the stable boys under their parents’ employ. Where have I heard a story like that before?

He also says to tell you that he and his two younger brothers are right-handed. I’m not sure what that means, and I’m not sure I want to, but he said you would understand it.

I’m sorry your date didn’t work out, but it’s good of you to look past all those positively tempting feature and tell yourself that you deserve better. Because you do deserve the absolute best, Taryon. (Also, you can do better than my husband— don’t tell him I said that, you’re right about us being lucky in love and all— but seriously, find a man that doesn’t deal with smoke demons— yes, this is me complaining about how smoke still rises off him when he gets too excited— it’s been fifteen fucking years, Tary, I swear to Pelor—)

I have to go parent now, I’m afraid, but I’ve attached a story that my oldest wrote for you. He’s becoming quite the little musician and storyteller, you’ll have to come over and see him at work sometime. Remember our door’s always open if you get an opportunity to travel across the pond! Please send more letters as soon as you can, I’d like to know how Doty and the Darrington Brigade are, and you know I always want to hear about you.

Love you lots,

Little Elf Girl, Vex’ahlia de Rolo

#i wrote this ages ago and never posted it #it's very weird for me i don't usually write in first person #but here's a small snippet of vex & tary keeping in touch #everyone is queer you can't change my mind #vex #vex'ahlia #taryon darrington #percy de rolo #percival frederickstein von musel klossowski de rolo iii #critical role #cr1 #fanfic #my fanfic #post-campaign #maryanne darrington #the de rolo quarter elves

[that-whatever]

so i found this in my drafts

i was gonna flush it out but now i think ill just post it as is, its my thought of how each of the vox machina gang reacted to the quote from bard lament (or at least one of that set) where vax said “He's family, and family leaves’  idk it just hit me hard in that moment how each one of the vm group could really relate to that, it gets longer with each member (as this was me sort of in character ranting at 3am) and its missing pike, again i planned on flushing this out but its been ages now, so, 

Keylet - her mom, left without a proper goodbye, on bad days hopes shes dead, at least that way it wasn't her choice, on better days that shes kidnapped and tortured, if she's alive out there shell have to exp a pain she doesn't want of abandonment and rejection she knows its wrong she does but if she finds out she's been out there all these years, never returning on her own volition, she doesn't know what she’d do

Percy - lost enough ppl to make him feel sick at night, a large family of parents, siblings, children god they were children he’s surrounded by loss but what hurts more than anything is that he left he left his sister to the fucking wolves to die even unknowingly he abandoned her, left her. the emotions he's plagued with and he consciously does it every day, she's breaking at the seam overloaded and overwhelmed with work, running a city he should be carrying, its the least he could do he tells himself she has more preparation for this, but he's not too sure that helps him feel better shes stopped asking him to come back to help her after his constant rejections, but he can see the pleading in her dark circles and graying hair he left her then, and he's done it every day since. out with his friends while his sister lies trapped in her castle with no knight in sight

Grog was never one for emotions, he's really only ever felt three, in his whole life, happy, angry and hungry, that's an emotion, right? Hell ask pike later. He hears vax and knows immediatley that its true, his herd left him bleeding out to die they walked away with his blood on their hands with not even a shred of doubt on their minds hes told keyleth once, and vax too at one point, that the herd isnt his family anymore, vox mochina is, and he believes that but he cant help but think its not all true, half of it is, he knows that much, vox mochina is his family, he fights harder hearing their war cries and strives to be better knowing they have his back, their blood runs through his viens, but he cant help thinking the other half isnt all true, no doubt its not all false either, but, part of him is still hung up on the herd leaving him all those years ago, when he fought kevdak, a large part of him wanted to knock him to the ground, to scream this is for all those years ago, look how ive grown see what ive become, better than I ever could be with you lot, the need to prove himself so inherent around the herd he almost forgot where he was, and no, they arent his family anymore, sometimes he thinks they never were, not family in the sense of what he knows it to be now, but it nags at him, they arent his family anymore but its still the tiniest bit painful, to look back on his old memories

Vax says it with an amount of resentment that surprises even him. when they went to live with their dad, vax was prepared to hate him, to push him away in favor of sticking by vex, so when they saw, truly, how despicable of a man he really was, vax couldn't help his apathy towards the situation grow, sure he was angry, but he found himself more angry that his father was so idiotic as to reject the love they had for him, that he wasn't even willing to open his arms to them, than anything else, it was him and vex against the world, always has been, what was the point of being bitter about some douchebag father. He's always known he was an emotional man though, far more than anyone else in his group, beyond Percy's brooding eyes and grogs dreadful lack of knowledge, he swears he heard him ask pike if hungry was an emotion the other day, and anyone who would dare call him cynical was just doing so based on stereotype, its not his fault he's inclined to wear all black and have a scorn on his face half the time, he's a hopeful guy, and he knows a lot of his dreams come from a place of hurt, he sits often and thinks of what he can hopefully have one day, the type of father he wants to be, to have kids who don't doubt for a second of his love for them, sick of hearing him say it all the time, supporting them through thick and thin growing a family so wonderful his heart is heavy with his contentment, waking up every day with a smile and tiny puffs of red hair tickling his chin,

Vex couldn't help the tears that fell at vax’s words, she's angry at Scanlan shes furious, he left them he knew what they've all been through and with a wound still fresh shes brought back to her pitiful excuse of a childhood, of a father she greeted with hope, who struck her down almost immediately, sparing no time to crush it down every chance he got, and even when her love for him depleted it never left, she wanted to prove herself to him, to gain his love pride and respect, never truly gaining it but always trying nonetheless. Anytime vax told her pleadingly to give it up she begged for one more day I can change his mind vax I'm sure of it. when they left she felt like a tree fell on her, she was drained exhausted from trying so hard and tired from having her emotions toyed with every waking minute, when they arrived back to their rightful home, to only be met with the smell of smoke, she cried harder than she ever thought possible, her entire childhood, every essense of her home, her mother her memories of being young all nothing but ash, she held vaxs hand as tight as she could, as if she could hold onto him so tight that the wretched rock of a planet they were standing on would stop spinning so fast for a few moments, let her catch her breath for a little while, that if she held on tight enough, he would squeeze back and neither would ever let go, this was it they were it, it was them two alone in the world they were all they had, their last hope an empty lot in a burned down town, she wondered how scanlan, who had lost people himself, could do this to them, put them through this, later she told herself if she truly believed that he knew what it was like to be abandoned, to do that to kaylie would be far worse than what he did, to give someone else the fatherless childhood he had, she and vax had, that would be far worse

Scanlan cant help but over hear him, he was only steps away from the door when vax opened his mouth, and scanlan cant help but smile a little looking over at kaylie, at his daughter, yes family leaves, god doesnt he know, but sometimes, sometimes they come back, they return and they love, he grips his daughters hand and they walk and he knows in his heart hes doing the right thing, months later, eating at a table far too big in a room far too small hes laughing with kaylie mouth wide and eyes streaming, for a second he listens as the table next to him goes into a story detailing the fight they saw at emon, his name comes up a few times but hes more innterested in the others, for the slightest of moments his smile falters and he leans farther down in his chair, but family returns, and maybe one day he will, on worse days when hes feeling more bitter he tells himself he shouldnt, its what they deserve, but he knows thats not true, in that moment he looks back up at kaylie, still reeling from his joke, rightfully so it was hilarious as all his jokes are, and his smile return full force, it was just the right thing to do, and he cant help feeling justified,

#vox machina #critical role #bards lament #campaign one spoilers #critrole spoilers #literally ! what !do ! ppl !blacklist!! #ill never know #cr vm #that girl yo #long post #also this is sad #and VERY hc #not ooc especially just a lot of how i imagine their backgrounds

[eponymous-rose]

Fic: Cold Comfort (Velora, Vex, Percy)

[AO3 | FFN | More Fic]

Major spoilers for Episode 115.

Two years after the battle with Vecna, Velora returns to Whitestone for several long-overdue conversations.

Cold Comfort

Velora stops at the shrine to the Raven Queen first, padding cautiously into the room, the stonework ice-cold beneath her bare feet, and says, softly, experimentally, "I hate you."

The shrine is empty at this early-evening hour, and so her words echo louder and more certain than she means them to. She swallows shyness with the remembered taste of ashes on her tongue, pushes past the heavy stench of blood in her nose and mouth, and says it louder, her voice cracking on the shout. "I hate you!"

There are no ripples on the surface of the small pool of blood, no dramatic flurry of feathers or dark wings curling around her. It's just a cold, stinky room.

She clears her throat, rubs her face to stop her lower lip quivering, and says, "Thank you," before turning on her heel and starting the long, slow trudge up to the castle.

She finds Percy first, after waving her way past the bemused guards and wandering aimlessly through a series of empty doorways. He's in his workshop, shirtsleeves pulled up past his elbows, weird hairy human arms covered in some sort of black grease as he scrubs with a cloth at an oversized contraption made of cogged wheels.

She watches him from the doorway, her brother by marriage, and not for the first time, her eyes catch on the rounded tips of his ears, the lenses that imperfectly correct his imperfect vision, the scruff on his chin and above his upper lip. These things, she knows, are the parts of her brother and sister that made them different and hated and neglected, the parts that made them not quite her brother and sister. Back when he'd been so terribly lost and sad, that had made a lot more sense. Now, watching him smile as he works, humming a quiet song she recognizes as a Syngornian lullaby she'd taught her sister, something twists in her chest.

When he sees her, he nearly drops the cloth in his hand in his surprise, eyebrows climbing toward his hairline. "Velora?"

She watches the expressions shift on his face: uncertainty, a self-conscious warmth, just plain self-consciousness, like he's trying to decide who to call to come deal with this situation. Then he visibly resets his stance, takes a breath, and smiles the kind of smile grown-ups rarely give her: honest, unsure, out of his depth. "Hi, Percy," she says, and leaps at him for a hug.

"You've gotten so big," he says, a little breathlessly. He's holding his hands awkwardly to the sides, trying to avoid smudging her fine clothing, but he finally relents and smooths her hair down when she beams up at him. "Not that it isn't a delight to see you, but what are you doing here?"

"Came to visit. Father and I were in Zephrah, and Keyleth opened the Sun Tree for me. It's a two-way thing, did you know that? She's opening it up again tomorrow, an hour after dawn."

Percy's brow furrows, and he takes a step back, looking her up and down. "You're not wearing shoes. Did anybody come with you?"

"Shoes are the worst," Velora tells him. "D'you know where Vex is?"

He narrows his eyes at the obvious distraction, but when she pulls him by the hand, he sighs and trails after her. "I expect she's fletching arrows in the study. What brought you to Zephrah?"

Velora hesitates at a cross-corridor, revisiting her memories of the castle, and can't quite stifle a grin when Percy would-be casually swings his hand toward the right corridor. Pulling him along with her, she says, "Father was there on some sort of diplomatic mission, and I asked if I could come along and see Keyleth."

"A diplomatic mission to Zephrah seems unusual," Percy says, thoughtfully, and she winces. He really is too smart.

Fortunately, that's when they round the corner and walk straight into her sister.

Velora yelps and flings herself into Vex's arms, dragging Percy with her into an awkward three-person hug that it takes Vex a full five seconds to settle into, out of sheer surprise. When she does, she says, "Hello, darling," in a wonderfully teary-eyed voice and plants a kiss on the crown of Velora's head—no longer as easy a task as it was when she was littler—and for just a moment everything in the world is wonderful and warm.

"I'll catch you two up later," Percy says, softly, disentangling himself from the hug. "Things were coming to a head with the clockwork mechanism, and I'd like to finish it off before taking a day to relax."

"Only one day?" Velora, cheek pressed against her shoulder, feels the shiver of her sister's barely suppressed laughter.

"A day or two," Percy says. "Three. A week. I'll take a week." And then, with an air of panic, "She's not wearing shoes, you know."

Velora backs up to yell, "Traitor!" at his retreating form, but finds herself bearing the full brunt of an appraising look from her sister.

Vex looks different, after Vecna, after Vasselheim, after... She looks different. Her smiles are a little slower to come, her laughter a little warmer, the lines at her eyes more pronounced than even her half-human side could explain. And sometimes, when she looks at Velora, she has a terribly sad smile that wrinkles the skin between her brows, and that smile didn't belong to her, before.

"Where in all the hells did you put your shoes, dear?"

Velora grins. Last year, when he and Zahra had come to visit Syngorn for the first time, Kashaw had called her a little shit for that exact grin. It's now her favorite grin to practice at every possible opportunity. "Zephrah."

Vex can't pick Velora up and carry her anymore—well, she probably could if she wanted to make a pretty hilarious display out of it—but the arm around her shoulders is vise-like as she draws her back into the study. "And what," Vex says, the same laughter still in her voice, "were you doing in Zephrah?"

Shrugging free, Velora settles into an overstuffed chair, bringing her knees up to her chest and pressing her dirty toes into the fabric. "Dad wanted to see the tree. The one Keyleth planted for Vax."

Vex falls more than sits in the chair across from her. "Oh."

Velora doesn't really want to look up, picking instead at some of the dirt caked under her toenail. "Yeah, I guess he'd sort of been avoiding it. It's real pretty, though. And he just kind of asked to be alone for a bit, I guess, you know. Talking to it. So I asked Keyleth if she could open the Sun Tree for me to come up here for the night."

"Velora. Dear." There's a long pause after the words, and Velora falls right into the trap, glancing up and meeting Vex's direct stare. "You shouldn't have come through alone. You walked up from the Sun Tree on your own?"

Probably best not to mention the detour to the Raven Queen's shrine. "No. I mean, yes, but I've done that kind of thing before. It's okay. The guards know me by now."

Vex's face crumples into a tearful smile. "Gods, you're not all that much younger than Vax and I were when we—" She swipes a hand across her eyes, then smiles bigger, brighter. "I'm sorry, darling. It's been a strange day. I'm delighted to see you, although I may have to have a word with Kiki about the age-appropriateness of sending a child to another city alone. And your hair is so short!"

Velora reaches up to it, shyly, tousling the locks that barely cover the tips of her ears. "You like it?"

"I love it."

Velora grins her little-shit grin. "Father hates it."

Vex laughs, leaning back in her chair. "Then I positively adore it."

Velora straightens, shuffles to the edge of her seat, lets her legs swing down to rest on the ground. "How are you?"

That catches Vex by surprise, and she pauses midway through what looks like a reflexive laugh. Grown-ups do that a lot, Velora has found, when she asks a question like an adult. But after the brief hesitation, Vex smiles and says, "Better every day, sweetheart. Thank you for asking. How are you?"

Velora chews her lower lip, staring down, wringing her hands in her lap. "I dream a lot. And it's never the parts of it I want to dream about, the nice people cheering, the nice people at the Platinum Sanctuary. Vax. It's... it's green light, and... and nobody says it, everybody tries really hard not to say it, but I died, didn't I?"

Silence; Velora can almost hear the lies being shuffled through, carefully selected and discarded, one by one. Then Vex says, "You did. I did, too. A while ago. We never told you the details. Our brother made a deal for my life. Kashaw raised me then, too, only I think the Raven Queen interfered before Vesh could get involved the way she did with you."

Velora meets her gaze again, steady and unflinching. "I think I've been dreaming about Vesh. I tried to tell Kashaw last time I saw him. He just sort of got scared. But I dream about her a lot."

The words hang in the air for a long, long moment until she fears the weight of them will crush them both.

Then, "Gods. Fuck," Vex says, and the first word somehow feels like a stronger curse than the second. She pushes up from her chair, paces up and down the room, breathing fast, like something caged.

Startled, Velora hops to her feet. "What is it? Is it bad? What does it mean?"

Vex whirls around, and there's a truly stricken expression on her face that's so, so much worse than the soft murmurs of death and pain and horror that find her at night. The tears begin to streak down Velora's cheeks before she's even aware she's started crying, and Vex seems to snap back to herself in that moment, face closing off into a concerned half-smile, pulling Velora into a tight hug, pressing her face to her shoulder the way she had in Vasselheim, the way she had after the fight, and Velora remembers the taste of ashes.

"It's all right, darling. I'm sorry I scared you. Nightmares are normal after what you've been through. I'll talk to your mother about clerics in Syngorn, all right? We'll find someone to help you, to talk to you."

Velora inhales, shakily, the faint perfumes barely masking the scent of forest and sweat, and says, "I'm sorry I made you sad again."

"Never, darling. Never." Vex lifts her off her feet for a moment, twirls her in a little half-spin. "I'm so glad you told me. I'm just sorry you were suffering alone."

They stay like that for a long, long time, until Velora starts to get self-conscious about how much snot she's getting on her sister's fine robes and pulls back a bit. Vex responds by bending down so they're eye-to-eye, the way Vax always used to, and brushes the tears away. "I love you, dear. You're not alone, and you're welcome here anytime." A wink. "We'll just have to figure out a way to get you here more often so you don't have to take advantage of a certain well-meaning but distracted archdruid to sneak away."

"Okay," Velora says, and when Vex sits back in her chair, she cuddles up next to her, a bit too tall and lanky now to make it comfortable, but they both pretend to ignore the discomforts of bony elbows and knees. "Did you dream? After you died, I mean."

"Not that time. But there was another time I was hurt very badly." Unexpectedly, Vex smiles, settling a hand comfortably in Velora's hair and staring at the opposite wall of the room with a warmth of memory. "I was flying above the battlefield and a spell brought me down. I was so sure when I finally went to sleep that I'd dream of falling and falling and falling, but it turned out the only thing my brain cared to remember when I was asleep was the flying part."

Velora laughs. "That's really wonderful, in a weird sort of way."

"I'm a little alarmed that you're grasping the idea of backhanded compliments so young. Feeling better?"

Velora doesn't answer right away, considering. "Yeah. I think I am. Just tired."

Another crooked smile, not quite hers. "I know. And dear? What do you think about nieces and nephews?"

Velora takes a time to consider that one as well. "I think Trinket will always be my favorite."

Vex laughs, low and warm and genuine. "He'll be delighted to hear that. Your room's all made up and ready, you know. It always is. We can talk in the morning, which is when I assume you've scammed Keyleth into smuggling you back?"

Velora, disentangling herself from the chair, manages to stay stone-faced for about two heartbeats before she bursts out laughing. "Yeah. I'll talk to you in the morning."

Tousling her hair, Vex grins. "Sleep well."

Late in the night, when the moon hangs high and she grows tired of waiting for her racing thoughts to slow, Velora begrudgingly slips on her borrowed boots and a heavy coat and treads softly out the door of her room into the corridors of the castle.

She knows how to carry herself to look a little bit older from a distance so a guard won't stop her on sight, knows how to keep to the shadows that human vision cannot penetrate. It's easy enough to slip past the outward-facing defenses of the castle and into the cold night air, watching her breath fog before her, the heat from the city below hanging in masses of fog like smoke in the air. She doesn't like looking down at the city from here, remembers with nightmarish precision how Vasselheim had looked from above, burning and burning and with the taste of her own death at the back of her tongue.

Veering away, she steps almost immediately off the well-trodden paths into snow that cracks and sinks under her weight, slowing her progress like wading through a world coated in heavy blankets that tug at her feet and legs, urging her to stop and rest.

She's breathing heavily by the time she finds the small clearing, eyes already welling up at the possibility that she's misremembered the path, that she's managed to get lost, that she'll wander forever alone in the dark. She's come out here twice before, alone both times, after Vex had shown her the spot, but there are plenty of twists and turns to trip up a distracted mind...

She finds it all the same: two trees with slightly more gnarled branches than most, and a single bench, lovingly but imperfectly constructed beneath it.

Swiping at her streaming nose and the tears in her eyes, she huffs out a breath and plops down into the middle of the bench, staring up through the gaps in the branches above at the uncommonly clear night sky. A low grunt of breath draws her attention.

"Hi," she says, softly.

Two bright eyes between the tree trunks shift closer, obscured by the fog of breath in the air, and then sleek, silvery fur glints under the moonlight as the wolf pads up to sit beside the bench and rest his head on her lap.

She scratches behind his ears, distractedly, already back to watching the stars. "You remember me, don't you? I didn't think you'd be here still. I didn't think there were wolves in these woods. The grown-ups never mentioned you. Maybe I'm imagining you."

The wolf grumbles, nosing into her hand, and she sighs, stroking his muzzle, pausing only to pick at some of the dirt and twigs caked into his fur. "Father says I can't have a pet, which means I desperately want to bring you home with me, but that's probably not fair to you."

The wolf sighs. She sighs back. It's cold outside, but between the warm coat and the wolf's heavy weight, she feels positively cosy.

A light streaks across the sky, a shooting star, and she smiles up at it. "I didn't even know I had a brother for a long time," she says. "I wanted brothers and sisters when I was little, so badly, and then there were these two tall angry grown-ups who sometimes yelled at Father but always smiled at me."

She pauses in scratching the wolf's head, just to hear his semi-inquisitive grunt, before starting again. "And now I've got Percy and Cassandra and Keyleth and Scanlan and Pike and Grog, and they're my brothers and sisters, too. And I guess maybe I thought that was how it worked, that you just kept getting more and more and more family and none of them ever went away for good."

She reaches down, pulls the belt from around her waist, and tells the wolf, sternly, "Be nice to Simon. He's very shy."

The snake twists to life, coils around her arm, clinging almost painfully to her, and she whispers, "Sorry about the cold," and lets him coil up inside her coat to keep warm.

She waits a moment or two, but the wolf doesn't seem interested in having a snake for dinner, and eventually she relaxes again. "Father talks to Vax, sometimes. At the tree. Other times. But I don't think I want to do that. I don't think I want to talk to him unless he can talk to me, too. Unless I can see him."

She closes her eyes and holds her breath for several heartbeats, fooling herself into listening for a whisper of wings, gripping so tightly to the fur on the top of the wolf's head that he whines a soft protest.

"Sorry," she whispers, opening her eyes and petting the spot she'd pulled. "Sorry." She glances up at a glint of light; another shooting star, she thinks, or just the regular stars smearing a bit with tears.

"Anyway," she says, "I'm going to head back to the castle and maybe see if I can try to dream about flying, but for a little bit, would it be okay if I talked to you instead? If I told you all the things I wanted to tell him?"

The wolf glances up at her with one baleful eye, snorts, then backs away, plopping down in the snow and regarding her with an eerily intelligent expression.

Velora draws her knees up to her chest, curling protectively around Simon, and says, softly, "I miss you," and watches the stars, and says nothing more.

#critical role #velora vessar #vex'ahlia #percival fredrickstein von musel klossowski de rolo iii #critical role spoilers #background vex/percy #eponymous fic 2017

[zenos-yay-galvus]

hey so CR finale spoilers maybe under the cut? it’s more of a headcanon-y type of deal but i wrote a thing about my man, Gilmore and i made myself sad so i thought i’d share 

(vax’ilmore, angst, 637 words)

Gilmore finds out about Vax much later than he should have. Three months go by with not a word from Vox Machina until he spots Lady Vex’ahlia pass by his shop door. He follows after her once he makes sure the store is attended and notices the slight rounding of her stomach with a grin as he approaches her.

When she notices him her face lights up and they share pleasant conversation as Gilmore rests a hand lightly on her stomach and tells her he’ll put together a gift basket for the child once it arrives. When the conversation lulls he finally asks her.

“So..Vax’ildan? Has he been avoiding me? What a sne-“ But Gilmore pauses when he sees Vex’s hands fly to cover her mouth as tears well up instantly in her eyes. A second later she’s apologizing and her hands are absently grabbing at the front of his shirt before he lightly grabs her wrists and looks her in the eye with a weakened smile. “Use your words, dear.” He says gently but then he feels the rock in his gut before the words are even out of her mouth, he-

“He’s gone, Gilmore and I’m so so so sorry we should have told you sooner but there was just so much going on and-“ she continues rambling, but Gilmore is far too gone to hear her. He knew this day would come and he knows it isn’t his place to mourn a lost love, standing there in front of the sister of the love of his life, so he frowns for a moment, numbly, before offering her a sad smile.

He assures her that if she needs anything from him or his shop he’ll try his hardest to provide what he can but his words feel empty as all he can see is every possible way Vax could have died, slaughtered by Vecna after Gilmore ran like a coward perhaps, or crushed to death by falling debris. Vex sees the process going on behind his eyes and lays a hand on his arm.

“He went peacefully, we all said goodbye and then he walked off with Raven Queen. There was no pain.” Gilmore doesn’t know if that helps because now he knows that Vax didn’t care enough to tell him goodbye, or to tell him anything about the fucking Raven Queen.

Gilmore feels his grief begin to be replaced with rage as he thinks of the moments he shared with Vax over the years, the kisses hidden behind cheeky wooden fans, the warm smiles against each other’s skin on cold mornings, Vax’s freezing feet dancing up his leg under the blankets of his grandiose bed. Gilmore quickly ends the conversation with Vex making sure to stay polite and makes his way back to his shop, bypassing everything until he arrives in his bedroom.

When the door closes behind him all hell breaks loose, his fists slam into concrete until he can’t feel his fingers, until blood drips to the floor and until his eyes go blurry with unshed tears. He continues like this for hours, throwing things, screaming, until he finally breaks and sits with his, now bare, back against the cool concrete of the wall next to his single window. Tears stream from his eyes and curses from his mouth.

He curses Vax, The Raven Queen, Vox Machina, and anyone else he can possibly think of until he runs out of energy and reverts to a numb state. Placing his head onto his arms which are folded on top of his knees, he sighs thinking of lost loves and what could have been. With a whisper of “I loved you Vax.” Gilmore stands up, rights himself and redresses before going to check on his shop.

Outside of his open window, a raven caws.

#critical role #vax'ilmore #vaxilmore #critical role spoilers #vax'ildan #shaun gilmore #im not a writer really so sorry if this ain't great

[mrandmrsvex]

Rating: General Audiences Relationships: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III/Vex'ahlia, Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III & Vax'ildan, Vax'ildan & Vex'ahlia (Critical Role) Characters: Percival "Percy" Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III, Vex'ahlia (Critical Role), Vax'ildan (Critical Role), Trinket (Critical Role) Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Modern AU Series: Part 4 of thursday nights and friday mornings Summary:

Is there something worse than waking up with a massive hangover? How about doing it in the flat of the girl you've been crushing on, hard, for the past two weeks?

Things can't get anymore awkward between Percy and Vex now. (Not that Vax isn't willing to help.)

 Notes:    You really need to read the previous parts of this series to understand anything. Sorry, I should've made it into chapters, but I messed up first time round and don't know how to fix it now.

[Part 1]

[Part 2]

[Part 3]

Percy woke up to what he could only describe as the weirdest mixture of overstimulating sensations a hungover person could expect. A few moments of blinking, and he was able to at least make out most of them. There was a harsh light shining straight into his eyes, coming from the completely uncovered light bulb hanging from the ceiling. There was loud music blaring somewhere from the right, metallic and shrill from an old radio, accentuated by horribly off-tune whistling from someone. A softer rushing sound of water coming from the left, muffled by walls, and a warmth coming from that direction that seemed to fill the room with thick, dewey air. There was pain in his neck and legs from lying on a couch that was obviously too small and too short for his size.

And amongst all these horrible things to feel and see and hear, there was the wonderful smell of coffee and bacon and eggs. It was enough to make him sit up quick – far too quick for his head, he noticed with a little groan while covering his face with his hands to calm the pounding headache now coming in. He could hear someone walking over and lean on the back of the couch.

When he opened his eyes again, a cup of coffee was hovering in front of him.

„Morning, Freddy. You need some coffee.“

He couldn't agree more and grabbed it quickly. The face that showed up in his vision now was oddly familiar, and without his glasses he almost assumed it to be Vex at first – God knows he'd been seeing her face when it wasn't actually there a lot, lately. And he vaguely remembered seeing her face yesterday night, but that might as well have been a nice, alcohol-induced dream.

A quick squint at the face in front of him made it very clear that it was not her, though, unless she had a bad case of morning stubble, and even the Vex in his imagination most certainly wouldn't have that.

„I'm Vax.“ was all the explanation he got for his confused stare.

„There's two of you?“ His voice was croaky, and it hurt his throat just as much as the loud laughter from Vax hurt his head.

„I promise you I'm nowhere near as bad as my sister. Unless you bother her. Then I'm worse.“ It was phrased like a joke. It sounded entirely too serious.

Percy took a sip of the strongest coffee he'd ever tasted and hesitated, unsure what to say next.

„...My glasses?“

„Table on your left.“ Vax got up from leaning on the couch and sauntered back to the tiny kitchenette right behind it. „Once you're actually awake, there's bacon and scrambled eggs. Sorry, no fried eggs, I always fuck those up. Not that a hungry hungover man like you should complain about free food anyway.“

It took Percy quite a while and a full cup of immensely strong but delicious coffee to get his mind in order again, which was not helped by Vax continuing his awful whistling. By the time he could think clearly, something from the last ten minutes stuck out, and it was not the question where he was or how he got there or why cruel fate had decided it had to be Vex and her brother who found him in that state yesterday. It was something far more simple, yet equally terrifying to him.

„Did you just call me Freddy?“

Vax laughed again. Percy's head was still not liking it.

„Would you rather be awoken with your full title, milord?“ A plate of bacon and eggs appeared over the back of the sofa and softened the very mocking tone.

„How- how did you find out-“

Vax plopped himself down next to Percy on the couch with his own breakfast.

„Don't worry your pretty head, Freddy, Vex still doesn't know. It'll be our little secret.“

„How did you find out.“ He repeated, a bit more sternly.

„Ah, does it really matter? What's much more interesting for me to know – why aren't you using that ridiculous name all the time to throw some weight around? All I've ever heard of you is 'Mr. De Rolo' or 'Percival'. Surely there's some influence hiding behind three surnames that could get you respect.“

„None I deserved.“ He murmured, but Vax still caught it. They continued eating breakfast in awkward silence.

He should probably be concerned about his current situation, Percy thought while picking up a fork full of egg. Hungover and even still somewhat drunk in a random flat, sitting next to the brother of one of his students – of that girl – and pretending like that was a completely normal thing, sharing breakfast with a guy you didn't even know existed until a few moments prior. His mind couldn't focus on the panic his subconscious was already preparing – apart from the headache and sore throat and wonderful food, the humid air coming from the door on their left filled the room with a far too familiar scent that had his mind racing somewhere completely different.

„Where's Vex?“ Percy asked once he'd finished his plate. Vax, his mouth still full, pointed his fork towards the door.

„Bthrm.“ He swallowed. „Bathroom. Not like she'd want to get caught by you in her PJ's and her hair all messed up.“

Percy tried not to imagine it. To be fair, he didn't try very hard.

„Maybe I should leave before she comes out?“ He asked more to himself.

„Oh yeah, because just dissappearing from the flat into which you were graciously invited while being drunk out of your ass without at least thanking your hosts is such a classy exit.“

„It'd certainly be more classy than the bumbling awkwardness that's about to happen if I don't leave.“

„Freddy, my boy, I assume anything you and Vex do is filled with bumbling awkwardness.“ Vax's grin was something only an older brother could have on his face.

Percy wanted to think up a witty retort, but his mind just went completely blank when Vex stepped out of the bathroom at that very second. While not in her pajamas, she was clearly still dressed for comfort, and her usually braided hair hung open and still damp over her shoulders.

„Oh, you're up! Good morning!“ Her voice was chipper, yet somewhat off.

„Yes. I mean. Good morning.“ Percy put down his fork onto the empty plate in front of him. „I really should be getting going, though. Sorry to bother you both so much. Thank you for, uhm, for taking me in.“ The words rushed out faster than he could think. Vax snickering quietly beside him as he stood up to put the dishes away did not help in stopping the bumbling awkwardness he'd predicted.

„Oh. Ok. You don't have to run off immediately, you know.“ Vex gestured behind her. „Bathroom's free, anyway, if you want.“

„No, it's, it's fine, I'll just... I'll go home and get some more sleep, I think.“

„Alright. Your coat's by the door-“

His coat was not by the door, which he noticed when Vex's voice trailed off looking at that direction. It took him longer to notice where exactly his coat had gone – it's difficult to see even a large piece of clothing under 140 pounds of fluffy dog.

„Trinket!“ Vex darted over to the giant Newfoundland dog happily sprawled out in a corner, a piece of blue fabric barely sticking out under his paws. „Bad, Trinket! Don't pull jackets of the coatrack! Get up. Trinket, get up!“

Trinket was not getting up. He licked his jowels, looked up at Vex for a second, then immediately put his head back down and gave a short growl.

„Percival, I'm so sorry.“

„No, it's fine.“ After a morning of full of grumpy hangover facial expressions, the slight smirk on Percy's face felt almost strange. „It's not that cold outside anyway. I'll just...“ He waved his hand towards the front door. „You can bring the coat to next class, I don't mind.“

„Are you sure?“ Vex was still trying to shift the unmoving mass of dog, only eliciting another growling.

„Absolutely. I've got my keys and phone.“ He quickly patted the backpocket of his jeans. „I'll be fine. Don't bother yourself on my behalf.“

„He's not usually this misbehaved.“ Vex's hand ruffled between Trinket's ears. Vax's short laughter from the kitchen made it clear that was a lie, and that he was still very much listening in.

After a few more awkward moments of good byes and promises to bring the coat – cleaned, of course! - to class next week, the door closed behind Percy. Vax sidled up to his sister, almost leaning his head on her shoulder, and whispered.

„Told you his phone was in his pockets.“

The punch to his stomach caused a bacon-scented burp to come up.

Percy stood outside the door for a second, across the railing and steps that led down to the parking lot of the apartment complex. His tense exhale turned into a slight mist in front of him.

„It's not that cold outside.“ He mockingly imitated himself before pushing his hands deep into his pockets and walking off. The cold air was a welcome change for his still pounding head, and to be fair, he would've done or said pretty much anything to get out of this situation as fast as possible.

A few paces down the road, and his partially cleared mind was already racing with regrets. God damn it, he thought, she's seen the worst of it now, there's no way to salvage this. Was there ever a way to salvage their giant mess of interactions before this anyway? He'd hoped, just barely, to make up for the first bumbles somehow, to joke his way past it in the coming weeks, to get them to a point where not every situation was weird and tense and awkward.

After this, though? After her having to carry his drunken ass to her flat, after seeing him in probably the worst state he could be in, after the incredibly ridiculous exit he'd just made?

There was no way, he scolded himself, no way in hell that she'd even consider looking at him as anything other than a complete fuck up.

Or was there?

(other fanfics: -non-AU-)

Percy being a wreck about having babies

Percy being a wreck about protecting his new baby

Proof that his kids are doing just fine with him as a dad

#Perc'ahlia #Percy #Vex'ahlia #Critical Role #Crit Role #Vox Machina #Percival Fredrickstein Von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III #Modern AU #Modern Setting #Fanfic #My fanfics #my writing

[agnesgoesadventuring-blog]

Lessons

I started to write meta about Keyleth’s feelings at the moment, and it turned into a sort of fic. I’ve been kind of thinking about writing fic for a little while now, so I guess that’s not a surprise. I haven’t written fic since I was 16 so my writing skills are hella rusty. I didn’t really look this over or do any revising so I guess it’s kind of a rough draft and I’d kind of like ot fix it up later.

It feels like someone reached into her body, ripped out her heart, and crushed it into dust in while she watched, helpless to stop it.

(In a way, that's exactly what happened.)

She's angry at Vax. For breaking the promise he made to her. For not trusting that she would be able to do what needed to be done to bring him back. For choosing to leave her. For not choosing her. Even when he told her he was hers if she'd have him, back at the Sun Tree on that day that seems so long ago now, that she knows will one day be so long ago she'll barely remember it, she knew that his promise wasn't entirely true. He'd always belong to his sister first, before anyone else. But that was something she understood going in, a part of the deal she knew she was accepting. Vax's bond with his sister was something she was aware of from practically the moment she met him, something she knew about him before she ever fell in love with him. And as long as she came in a close second, as long as the rest of him belonged to her, she could be happy.

But now she realizes that she doesn't even rank second, at least not anymore. He's more in love with Death than he is with her. He's promised himself to the Raven Queen now. He broke his promise to make a new one to the goddess of Death, and all the things that he said they'd have, the future he promised her, has turned to ash, much like the ash of his body that Scanlan is still carrying around.

There's not a single part of him that belongs to her now.

She's angry at the Raven Queen, for taking what had already been promised to her. How is this fair? How is she supposed to look at what's happening to her life and think that the gods care at all about the people of the world they're supposed to be protecting? Why does the goddess get to just take what she wants, with no regard to what lives she might be ruining or what people she might be hurting?

Vax has done so much for the Raven Queen, dedicated himself to her and given up so much of what he wanted his life to be. What kind of a goddess rewards that dedication with permanent death, with telling her champion that he has to complete one more impossible task for her and that when he's finished he doesn't get a happy ending or any of the things he wanted?

She's angry at Vex and Percy, for having what she'll never be able to have, for being free to take rather than to just give. She feels like that's all she does. All she does is give. To her people, taking on a role she never wanted, a responsibility she had forced on without much of a choice because it was what she was expected to do. To the people of the world, so many of whom will never even know how much she's fought for them. To her friends, doing everything she can to keep them safe and alive. She gives everything she is, doing things she doesn't want to do, accepting destinies she never wanted to have because she had to. And what has she been able to take in return? One year of happiness that ended up having an expiration date? She doesn't expect glory and worship, or even thanks. She doesn't even want any of that. All she wants is to be able to take a little bit of happiness, and to have it for long enough that when she's old and coming up on a millenia of life she'll still be able to remember it.

It's like living in a nightmare, watching Vex and Percy have what she'll never have, listening to Scanlan talk about them being together forever, while looking at a living, breathing vision of what she knows now that she's going to become. When this is all over, Vex and Percy will have each other, and she will be alone, all alone. She wonders now if that was always her destiny, always what she was meant to be, and if pursuing some kind of happiness ended up just making it all so much worse.

She's angry at her father, for encouraging her to go after this, for telling her that the the darkness of pain will make the brightness of her happiness burn brighter. Because this darkness? This pain? It's consuming everything. It's tainting everything she had before, all of the moments she's had with Vax, every second of love they had together,  turning something joyful and happy and into something ugly and torturous, something that tastes charred and bitter and that feels almost as cold as Vax's skin is now.

Most of all, she's angry at herself, for being so stupid and reckless. She should have listened to everything her head was screaming at her from the very beginning. It would have been better if she had just accepted that she doesn't get to be happy and never tried to pursue it in the first place. She shoudn't have been so arrogant, thinking that she deserved any of it, that she deserved to have what they've had over the past year for a lifetime. Ultimately, this is her own fault, because she ignored all of her instincts, and instead of making smart choices based on what she knew would happen, she let herself hope. Everything she thought and feared was right. Letting herself love him, and be with him, getting a glimpse of what she could have... it hurts so much worse than it would have if she had trusted her instincts, trusted what she knew to be true, and kept her distance.

And she's angry at herself for not being better, for not being stronger, for not being able to stop it all from happening, for not having the power to bring him back right away, before he had to make that deal. For not having the power to keep him here with her.

So that's the lesson from all of this: you're not good enough and you don't get to be happy.

Well, then. Lesson learned.

#critical role #keyleth of the air ashari #vaxleth #seems like i need a tag for fic now #my fic #i guess

[zizygy]

Mourning Frost, A Vax Fic

AO3 link [~3,000 words] Spoilers for Ep 103 I was having a lot of Trans Feels™ for Vax while watching episode 103, so here’s a fic about that.  --

Vax had thought quite a lot about death.

He had to, because of his god, but even before that it had always been a consideration. Death was the end. Sure, there was an afterlife, he'd seen too much to believe otherwise, but what use was an afterlife if you were separated from the only people you cared about?

Vex had always thought they'd see their mother when they died. She'd lose something, of course, but one family for another wasn't so bad of a trade. Vax would be with her of course, that was never a question. Even if she died first (she wouldn't, he always told her so, he did everything in his power to prevent it) they would see each other again.

Vax was less optimistic. Life didn't grant miracles, so why would death be any different? Their mother would be long gone by the time he and his sister finally left this mortal coil. Death meant leaving the people you love, anything else was irrelevant detail.

So he wasn't surprised to find himself naked and alone in the dark nothingness of death.

There wasn't a lot of feeling in this place. It was nice in a way. As was so often the case with these things, Vax hadn't realized how much he felt until those feelings were gone. The feeling that they were doomed, that crushing certainty that glazed his eyes and bowed his back, it was all gone. There was no worry, no exhaustion, no creeping worry trying to eat through his insides or twitching fingers or feeling of wrongness not within him.

It was nice, that freedom from feeling. Empty, but hadn't he been searching for emptiness? All those nights alone, staring at the stars, at the streets, at the members of the Clasp darting from shadow to shadow? He had always felt too much, he was always looking for a way to not.

But he wasn't completely empty here. There was something tethering him to the ground, a heavy sort of heat in the middle of his chest, right where his heart was, that kept him from floating, or maybe it was sinking, into the cold darkness.

Vex.

His sister wasn't here.

That realization weighed him down, pulled on his soul until his feet were pointing down and he began to drop and as he dropped he began to feel. By the time the platform, the hand, the Raven Queen rose up to meet him, he was afraid again, more afraid than he had ever been before. Was this where it ended? Was this where he finally lost Vex?

He squashed down the panic he felt at that thought, forcing it out of his throat and chest, forcing it down through his body to weigh his feet to the Raven Queen's hand.

His god was inscrutable and infuriatingly still behind her ebony mask and Vax was suddenly very conscious of his nakedness. She didn't move as he shifted under her gaze, fighting the urge to curl up and hide as much of himself as possible. You had to be open with your god, but the Raven Queen knew that she did not command the same sort of awe for Vax that Serenrae did for Pike. Their relationship was based on respect, his for her and her for her champion.

Now she was showing him that the respect she gave was conditional, it had to be earned, but more than that it had to be maintained. Vax closed his eyes, shutting out her piercing gaze and giving himself the briefest of moments to collect himself. He focused on one of those ghostly feelings, not the fear, fear had only ever driven him to stupidity, not the discomfort, which was too broad to use as a focus even if he wanted to, but the hurt, that his god would separate him and his sister, that she would require him to prove himself in this way, after dying in front of a rising god, that was something he could use.

He rolled his shoulders back, lifted his chin and allowed himself the compromise of his arms crossed over his exposed chest. He was still uncomfortable, still defensive, but he could work with this. At least he knew how things stood.

He waited for his god to speak first, ready for the rebuke, the disappointment, the demand to know what had happened.

Instead, her voice was soft, it was warm and its words, a single word, nearly knocked him off of his feet.

"Vax'ildan."

The shock ran through Vax like a lightning bolt and for a few seconds, or maybe hours, or maybe years, all those feelings inside him jumbled up and the world shook before his eyes and he couldn't connect any thoughts together except that's my name, she said my name and then the Raven Queen removed her mask.

A vulnerability for a vulnerability.

An understanding for an understanding.

She called him champion when she asked him to explain what happened. She inquired about Vecna and he tried to convince her to care. He didn't have information for her, he didn't know Vecna's plans, but he tried to make her care. He tried to play a game that he was good at, a game that had only failed him once before, in that room in Emon, when he tried to outwit Silas Briarwood and almost lost himself in the process. He should have known that he couldn't outwit a god, that the Raven Queen had more important things to do than to listen to a scared and bitter half-elf try to explain why this creature that bested him could really destroy the world.

She questioned him of course, the Raven Queen was not one who liked to leave loose threads, but she offered nothing in return.

She asked why it matters so much, why he doesn't just rest now that he has the chance.

My sister died for this! he yelled, or he thought he did, her questions were as much within his mind as within this space and he's losing the difference between saying and feeling and thinking.

Your sister lives.

What? That couldn't be, he saw her die. He wasn't able to look away as she fell to the floor, the life already gone from her eyes.

Vax could once again feel the floor against his cheek, the Delilah's boot on his chest, the cold wind over his body

She was brought back after you fell. The Raven Queen assured him, gently directing him away from the memory. Her fingers rested on the nape of his neck, surprisingly warm against his clammy skin.  

Your friends escaped. Your family is still there.

Nothing mattered after that. The meaningless platitudes, the impossible plans, the purrs of my champion. All that mattered was that Vax gets back, that Vax doesn't leave his friends in this mess he helped create, that he doesn't leave his family.

Do you want to join them? she asked.

Yes I'd do anything.

Then you will give everything. And when you are done, you will come back to me, my champion.

Her hand in his hair and her finger on his chin kept him anchored in his physical form, though he wasn't quite sure when they came to be there. The message was clear though, this was a gift, and every gift had a cost. If he went back it was for one purpose and one purpose only, to end Vecna. Everything else was secondary. For the first time in his life, his existence, Vex was secondary.

He nodded slowly, meeting the Raven Queen's dark eyes, holding onto his resolve so he didn't fall into their yawning depths.

If that's what it takes.

She nodded and her hands moved to cup his cheeks and she looked at him in that way Vex'ahlia did when she was worried about him. He tried to shy away but she held him firmly. She pulled his face toward her, expression once again unreadable, and spoke, her voice echoing through Vax's head.

"Wake up."

And Vax did.

He opened his eyes and he was surrounded by unfamiliar trees. Trees that swayed and spun and it took Vax at least minute to realize that _he_ was the one moving, not the trees. Dying, it turned out, was hell on your internal balance.

He let himself sag against one of the trees unsure where to proceed from here. He wasn't in Thar Ampala anymore, he was sure of that at least. But then where was he?

He almost thought that he was in the forest surrounding Syngorn, coming back to life in the place he reluctantly called his home seemed poetic and messed up enough that the Raven Queen might do that to him, but the trees here were too short and twisted to be from Syngorn.

"Not Snygorn" was an unhelpfully broad category and though Vax felt the need to find his sister like a heavy weight in his chest, he felt as if he was trying to move through molasses. His arm didn't respond until seconds after he told it to move and his legs felt clumsy and unused to his weight.

He stumbled forward, wincing as twigs and sticks snapped under his bare feet. He stopped, not trusting himself to move forward until he regained some sense of himself.

In the meantime he had a moment to think, a gift that he probably shouldn't take lightly.

His sister was alive. Vex had been brought back without him needing to pledge his life for her. For once, their deaths were entirely unconnected. And if Pike was able to bring back Vex, that meant she must be okay too. Probably along with the rest of Vox Machina.

They were alive, safe, or as safe as you can get when you're defying an almost god, and he was alive, or as alive as you could get when you're wandering naked through unfamiliar woods after having been brought back by the god of death.

He wished he had a cloak.

He wanted to step into the shadows and just disappear for a while, but he didn't trust himself to move without attracting even more attention so he settled for crossing his arms in front of his chest and hunching forward.

Except...

His chest was smooth. The raised scars he'd gotten so used to were completely gone and in their place was a flat chest. He ran his fingers over the muscles, sure that he must be missing something, that someone had cast seeming or an illusion or something but his fingers told him what his eyes could not, the scars were gone.

In their place was a raven, its wings spread out across his chest and over his ribs, leaving no doubt as to who had given him this.

He was interrupted by the sound of metal scraping against bark and he dropped his hands and looked up at the tree in front of him.

A small gnome, trying to be stealthy in armor that clanged and shone in the dim light clung to the boughs of the tree.

Vax felt his throat close up as he was suddenly overwhelmed with feeling, with gratitude, happiness, a sense of home, as he stared at Pike.

"Hi."

"Stringbean?" she asked.  

"Yes," he said, his voice about to break. "Where are we?"

"The fey wild."

Vax looked around. It didn't look at all familiar, but he believed her. Did that mean he was really back? That the Raven Queen had really resurrected him?

Pike wondered the same. She asked where he'd come from, what happened, why he was here, now, naked in the middle of the forest.

He answered to the best of his ability but he only had the faintest grasp on what was going on himself. It was easier to just say he didn't know. He _didn't_ know.

"I died," he said. Unsure what else to say. It was important that he tell her... In case. "Did you know that?"

She nodded. He could see in her face that she knew. Vax had seen death, of course he had. He'd seen it on the streets, with his sister, and he'd seen it within Vox Machina, with Pike, with his sister and Grog and Percy, who of them hadn't crossed the thin line at one point or another? But they had always come back.

This were different now. As excited as he was about his new body, scarless though it was, Vax knew it hadn't been made to last. His death was different. He always had to be different.

They were trying to save him, but what was there left to save?

"Oh fuck." He didn't know what else to say. It was all fucked, wasn't it? They were supposed to be heroes. They were supposed to stand up and fight for everyone who couldn't do it themselves. That resolve had kept him tethered to this world. Had brought him back.

That resolve hardened when he saw his sister, alive, just appear in front of him. Logically he knew she'd come from the tree but he had thought she was dead, he'd seen her die, even though the Raven Queen assured him she'd be here he thought she was dead and when she backed away and told him he didn't really exist, he didn't know what to do but to run up to her and hold her in his arms. She was real, as solid as he was as he rocked her back and forth and they both babbled about how you can't be here, are you really here, I saw you die, this must be a trick.

If it was a trick, at least it brought him back to his sister.

He held her and she held him and they both made sure that the other was real.

They might have stood there all night, staring into each others' identical faces, identical thoughts crowding and filling their heads, had Pike not walked up and put a hand to Vax's chest, her fingers brushing right over one of the raven's wings.

Vax knelt down and noticed, at the same time that Vex put her cloak over him, that there was- that he had a dick. Vex must have noticed at the same time, but she just made some sort of crass comment, as unimpressed as if it had been there his entire life, and Pike completely ignored this new development in favor of listening to his chest.

He looked at Vex, unsure what emotion was showing on his face and to be fair, there was a bit too much going on for him to read her face either, but there was the smallest hint of a smile and Vax let a bit off that giddiness infect him too.

He had... he'd transitioned.

He'd thought about it before of course, ever since he was a little kid, though dealing with his breasts had always been a priority, but after that, once the tissue scarred and he could wear leather again, he fantasized about the day he'd have enough money to talk to a wizard or a cleric so that he could fix downstairs. He'd never had enough money before he met Vox Machina, and then as their family bonds grew stronger, so did their problems, by that point there wasn't time.

He never would have expected the Raven Queen to do it for him.

He never would have thought that dying would allow him to transition.

He was caught between elated and embarrassed, even as the fear and concern and bittersweet sadness raged in his head.

Especially when Vex asked why.

Especially when Percy was unsatisfied with how.

He followed Percy's instructions, the words ringing in his ears. This is what I would do to torture us.

He was right of course. Given the rollercoaster of emotion Vax had felt just from standing here? He couldn't imagine how his family must be feeling.

That wasn't true.

He could.

That was the problem.

Percy's fear that he was an apparition, and later that he was him but he was somehow being controlled, dug deep into his barely beating heart.

He'd been controlled before. He'd shoved his daggers into Percy's back. He walked away when everyone else was dissolving in acid. He yearned for the Briarwoods' approval when he thought his friends were dying.

Even as he submitted to their tests, as Pike raised her holy symbol to his face, he couldn't shake the feeling that Percy was right, that he'd brought nothing but more pain and heartbreak by coming back.

He found himself arguing. He had to argue because he believed him. If anyone could convince him that he was a monster, that he wasn't a monster it was Percy.

Did his new body mean he wasn't him? This was what how he had always imagined himself, but Percy didn't necessarily know that and even if he did, he was right. When did a miracle just happen? They didn't, miracles always had costs.

God he didn't want to be a cost.

He answered their questions. He wished Keyleth would come down and talk to him. He wished Vex would stop looking at him like that. He hoped Keyleth stayed in the tree.

He looked at his chest, at his body. He was himself, wasn't he?

He looked up when Keyleth walked toward him.

"Hi," he said, as she reached out. He clasped her hand in his.

"I thought I killed you," she said, her voice brimming with tears.

He almost dropped her hand, shocked. "You?" Did he miss something? Had Delilah controlled her? Did something happen after he and his sister died?

"I could have done more."

Oh.

Vax closed his eyes. Everyone could have done more. Or they could have done less. But if they hadn't attacked, the world would be in ruins, Vecna would be back, Vecna was back. How were they expected to take on a rising god?

"Nobody could have done more."

Keyleth looked at him for a long moment, trying to see the truth in his words, it was only truth, then moved on.

"You're cold," she said.

She looked at him, at his pale face, his smooth chest, his penis and balls and his bare feet, then put her ear to his chest as if none of that surprised her. She knew his plans, of course he'd told her his plans, but it meant more than he realized that she took the physical changes in stride, that she didn't seem to think he was any less Vax now with them, though she was rightfully concerned about his relative undeadness.

She thought he was going to die again.

He'd never even considered that.

He tried to explain, to tell her, to tell them all, what the Raven Queen told him, did for him, but the words didn't quite come and between the haze then and the fog now he wasn't sure what was real.

He tried to appeal to Pike, but she didn't understand either, she and Serenrae had a very different relationship. More loving, less buisinesslike.

And still Percy's words echoed, when have we ever been given a random miracle?

But it wasn't without its cost, was it?

It wasn't until Grog and Scanlan came down, made their own jokes to lighten the tension, showed him his own ashes, that he realized Percy was right.

Miracles weren't given.

But he had paid a price for this.

He would die again, when all this was over, when his family had a chance to live happy lives. He would have to leave them then, have to leave his sister.

He took a deep breath that he didn't need, exhaustion once again weighing down his shoulders.

It was a heavy price to pay, that was certain. He would never see Pike's smile again, hear Scanlan's songs, test his luck with Grog. He would not see Keyleth lead her people, or Percy coughing after a misfire or his sister-

It was a heavy price, but it was worth it.

He would pay for this miracle.

#critical role #cr spoilers #vax'ildan #trans vax #i really love vax a lot and i had this idea while i was watching the episode #and then i started writing immediately after #it got a bit longer than expected #you should talk to me about ur trans vax headcanons! #my writing

[tiamat-zx]

Mending Bridges (Revisited)

Synopsis: Before departing for Whitestone to face the Briarwoods, Vax tries to make amends for angering Keyleth to the point where she refused to speak to him. Keyleth, in the meantime, starts thinking about what may lay ahead. This takes place during Episode 27, “The Path to Whitestone”.

Notes: “The Path to Whitestone” was and still is one of my least favorite episodes for several reasons. Still, I was wondering as to how Vax and Keyleth ended up being on speaking terms again due to his blunder in mentioning the child. So, despite my discomfort, I had to make myself rewatch at least enough to remember a few things. And also, I’d like to believe that Kiki’s Season 2 attire was actually the clothes she had bought in Vasselheim for their infiltration of the Velvet Cabaret.

This is my most recent revision. It’s about twice as long as it once was. I do hope you guys like this new version. Also, if you want to, please leave some feedback on ao3.

ao3 link can be found here.

Everything was going downhill very fast ever since their return from Vasselheim two weeks ago, and there was a very high chance that things would only continue to do so for them.

Vax could only mull over the events that transpired since their return to Greyskull Keep as he lay in his room. Everyone in Vox Machina were greeted with the news that a Lord Sylas Briarwood and a Lady Delilah Briarwood would be attending a feast at the royal palace of Emon. Hearing this news made Percy very nervous and agitated as he had vacated to his workshop to work on a “surprise” for the nobles. But when they inquired with him, they were greeted with a rather depressing story of the human’s upbringing and the fall of his family at the hands of the Briarwoods. Naturally, they all agreed to help him achieve revenge for those who died.

And then on the night of the feast, everything went to shit extremely fast when he tried to spy on the Briarwoods after the fact. Unfortunately, he had gotten caught by the two of them and even nearly died when he attempted to escape their clutches. Vox Machina managed to come to his aid with the help of a white tiefling named Lillith, who happened to be a cousin of Zahra Hydris, whom Vex’ahlia worked with during their Slayer’s Take trials. Despite their efforts, the couple escaped and vacated back to Whitestone, leaving Percy to vent out his anger and rage on not only their carriage driver, but also a group of bounty hunters hells-bent on capturing Lillith.

As if that were not enough, the party was removed from the Tal’Dorei Council for their actions that night despite their attempts at trying to plead their case. And now Percy wanted to take the fight to the Briarwoods themselves by returning home to Whitestone, far up in the Alabaster Sierras. They had a week to prepare themselves best they could, as they had no chance of proving their innocence just waiting in Emon.

It was the night before they decided to leave for Westruun to procure transportation for the mountainous hike. As he lay still on his bed, Vax’s gaze wandered towards the window and looked at the moon in the sky, rubbing the base of his neck where Sylas had bitten him the other night. So many things had happened, and he had been thrust into peril time and time again over the past month alone. He was surprised that he was still alive despite the odds. He worried so much about his life and that of his sister, especially after seeing her get struck by Delilah’s magic. He worried about Percival and the struggles he no doubt had faced five years ago haunting him once more, seeing his family’s killers in the flesh and only just barely keeping himself from shooting them during the proceedings. He worried about everyone in the group, knowing that they were about to go into danger with hardly any chance to rest, feeling as if they were fated to constantly be thrust into danger over and over and over again.

His thoughts then wavered towards what he had seen when he fell in the courtyard outside the palace. He had seen the others, and he had seen Vex’ahlia and how she had grown over the years into the strong, confident woman that she became. He couldn’t be more proud of his twin sister, who had handled the death of their mother and the scorning of their father much better than he thought. She had a strength that Vax wish he had, the strength to not be fazed by anything no matter how dire the circumstances and still come out on top as the exact same person. In fact, if it ever came to it, he would die for her so she could live on.

But in that instant, he also saw Keyleth. He saw her the way he had grown to always see her: beautiful, powerful, and full of grace despite her general awkwardness. His thoughts about her had changed greatly ever since the Underdark. At first he considered her as just another friend, not exactly as close as his sister was to him but close enough. But over time, ever since that one moment where he realized something was wrong with her, he found himself falling in love with her. He never even considered that particular outcome, but after the Underdark, he began to appreciate her much more such as when they were partnered up together for the Slayer’s Take hunt or during the trip to Pyrah for her Aramenté.

He was hoping to eventually find the courage to confess his feelings to her but not pressure her into making a choice right away. But after having angered her due to mentioning the child that she had accidentally killed, despite having good intentions, Vax began to wonder if it was even worth the trouble. It really made him feel depressed when she wouldn’t even talk to him after it happened. In fact, it broke his heart.

He sighed as he reached for the nightstand next to his bed and picked up the flower he plucked from her garden, still lost in his own musings as he stared at it. He was in love with a woman who didn’t even want to hear him out, even if it was for an apology; he wasn’t sure how he felt about that. In fact, there were many conflicting emotions within him, such as fear, anger, and shame. And yet, he knew that her anger was justified considering the hell she had gone through ever since destroying the Dread Emperor, the incident prompting her to leave for her sojourn to the Earth Ashari six months ago.

Vax continued to hold the flower in his hand, thinking things through. He wasn’t sure how he ended up falling in love, especially with someone like Keyleth, but regardless it had happened. He also wasn’t sure what to do since he hadn’t even told Gilmore yet about this. The sorcerer really took a liking to the rogue, and Vax often found Gilmore’s company quite pleasing. Not to mention that Vax trusted the man implicitly enough that he shared all the secret details regarding the Horn of Orcus. And yet, he knew that as much as he loved Gilmore, he couldn’t ignore his newfound feelings for that beautiful druid that started showing up in his dreams night after night.

At some point I should tell him about Kiki, to try to soften the blow. But I really don’t want to break his heart. Gods, why must this be so complicated?

And speaking of Keyleth, is she even interested in me? Hard to tell, especially considering she had a crush on that Kashaw fellow. Do I even matter to her at this point? Is it even worth going to talk to her right now?

Fuck it, I should at least try one more time. If she’s still angry, I suppose that means I have no chance whatsoever.

Sighing once again, Vax placed the flower back on the nightstand, got off his bed, and put on his boots. He then walked to the door and quietly slid past it, closing it silently. He had to at least try to apologize one more time.

Vax then quietly made his way to Keyleth’s door, and his nostrils could barely make out the scent of herbs and incense coming from that direction. He was surprised that she was still awake at this hour. In fact, the door was still slightly ajar, candlelight filtering out into the hall as he could hear her muttering to herself. Vax briefly debated in his head what to do at this point before deciding to just let himself in.

To hell with it, Vax told himself. I need to at least try. I need to not be a coward for once. I can’t just walk away like I always when things end up not going the way I would like.

Gods, this is complicated. Then again, what hasn’t been in my life?

Steeling himself best he could, Vax reached for the door handle to Keyleth’s room. He was ready to bolt at a moment’s notice, but he fought the urge to do so as he gently pushed it open.

He had at least try one more time.

Dressed in her Ashari nightgown, Keyleth was poring over her alchemy book in her room in Greyskull Keep, trying best she could to create potions that could aid the group. But due to her inexperience and only having learned how to be an alchemist recently, many of her efforts were a failure. And she was growing increasingly frustrated with each failed attempt on top of the events of the past two weeks.

In fact, everything was going wrong in so many ways. The Briarwoods had escaped, especially after nearly killing Vax, and they had gotten kicked off the council due to Uriel being charmed. Seeker Assum later told them all that Sylas was responsible due to the nobleman being vampiric in nature and having no problem in addling the sovereign’s and the seeker’s mental states. And she was getting very scared of not just Percy’s well-being but the rest of her companions, especially after seeing Tiberius brutally murder that old woman and showing no remorse for it.

And then there was Vax, who just had to open his damn mouth about the child and comparing that incident with the old woman. Keyleth was still feeling very sore about it, even making a point to outright ignore or brush off anything he had to say. The fucking idiot was so insensitive that he totally deserved a taste of his own medicine. The situation with the roc didn’t help matters, either, as some of the group wanted to kill it and its druid protector. Instead, she put her foot down and, with help from those who didn’t want to deceive or kill them, figured out a peaceful solution for both sides.

Keyleth’s thoughts went back to the confrontation with the Briarwoods. Sylas’s ferocity in combat was something to be feared, having seen him go toe-to-toe with Grog with that rather menacing blade and managing to handle the goliath on equal ground. Delilah was also frighteningly powerful as she was able to neutralize Tiberius and nearly kill Vex with her powerful magic. She had a feeling that their strength was far beyond what Vox Machina was capable of.

But what else are we supposed to do? And what can I do about Vox Machina themselves? Is it even worth it to try to make them understand what they are becoming?

Keyleth let out a long, deep sigh as she lay back in her chair, rubbing her tired eyes. She still couldn’t believe that she was still traveling with such a group of volatile people. Many times in the past she wanted to just leave them all, that they would be nothing but a negative influence. And yet, as the months passed by, she came to see them as being her dearest friends. She also knew that they would do anything for her, much like how she had for them. That fact only served to really confuse Keyleth even more, her desire to leave conflicting with her desire to stay.

And then a memory came to her. A memory of Vax comforting her during one of her more dire moments deep within the Underdark.

“Keyleth, I know you’ve had a hard time. We all have. I know we’re miles below the surface of the world. But we’re together. We are family. And everyone here is here for you as you have been for us. Now I say we camp for the night inside this schmuck’s tent. We stay here, we rest up, sleep on it, and see how we’re all feeling in the morning. We’re here for you, Keyleth. We’ll protect you as you have protected us. You got a family with us.”

“I only wish it were that simple...” Keyleth muttered to herself. And yet, she knew that Vax had a point. She truly considered Vox Machina to be her second family, especially since she had not seen her mother in twenty years. She recalled that Vax never really spoke about his and Vex’s family, other than meeting Syldor when they first arrived in Emon and met his elven wife and child. She then recalled that the interactions between the twins and their father were very stilted and frosty, contempt coming from both sides.

His childhood must have been rough. Not that he’s ever told us anything about it. I do really hope he tells us one day...

Keyleth couldn’t help but smile faintly when it came to thinking about Vax. Out of everyone in the group, despite her anger at him, a part of her still cared deeply about him in particular. They grew close in the past few weeks ever since she came back from Terrah, reaffirming the friendship they shared. He was very supportive of her during their Slayer’s Take trial and even during the journey to Pyrah and the Elemental Plane of Fire. Not to mention that even before then, she started to think about him more and more ever since their escape from Yug’Voril. She wasn’t sure how to process this feeling as it had never happened before. The closest equivalent to this sensation was her rather awkward infatuation with Kashaw.

No way. It can’t be like that... can it? Do I... love him? Maybe. And even if I did, it wouldn’t work out. After all, just the thought of falling in love scares me due to what still lies ahead for me.

Wait, why am I thinking about this?!

Keyleth tried to shake the thought out of her head as she resumed her work on another concoction. However, just like the rest, it was yet another failed creation.

“Gods dammit!” she yelled as she blindly threw the vial at the door, not even looking at or caring about where it was going to end up. But when she heard the shattering of glass against not wood but stone, she looked towards her door. It was standing open, and the vial’s contents were smeared against the stone wall.

What the—

It was then that she realized something else. Just as she had thrown the vial, she could’ve sworn she heard a gasp from the direction of the door and then a thud. Curious, she walked to the open door and began to look out into the hall. Other than Laina and Erwen and any of their guards, no one should really be awake at this time. Everyone needed their sleep before the big hike tomorrow, of course. And after the surprise visit from a couple of creatures after dealing with the roc, Keyleth was far more antsy about there being more of them.

She looked to her right and when she did, she almost wanted to laugh out loud at the unexpected timing. It was Vax’ildan, of course, leaning on the wall and looking down at his boots, avoiding eye contact. She wasn’t sure what exactly he was doing out of his room, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to know. For all she knew, he would open his mouth and make yet another stupid comment that would make her even angrier.

And yet, she couldn’t help but notice his expression. He seemed rather distant and depressed. In fact, he looked as if he didn’t have a lot of sleep at all, almost matching the kind of expression Percy had been making lately ever since the news about the Briarwoods coming to town. And seeing that same expression on Vax’s face made Keyleth feel a pang of guilt for her own behavior earlier, though she made a conscious effort not to show it. After all, she was still a little pissed at him.

Keyleth straightened up and then said to Vax, “What do you want?”

Vax slowly looked up but didn’t look her in the eye, as if he was ashamed to do so. Keyleth had seen that look before, and that realization made her feel ill. After all, she had made it herself several times before, back home and while she had been traveling for the past year, most notably after she had accidentally killed the child.

She couldn’t bear to look Vox Machina nor the parents of the child in the eye, especially after the boy’s mother asked what had happened to him. And when she was told what had happened, the mother grew furious and lashed out at Keyleth, refusing to hear the druid’s side of the story and pleading to Pike for her son to be brought back over and over again. But it was when Pike sadly told her that she lacked the power to do so that the mother broke down and sobbed.

That particular sight caused Keyleth’s own heart to break, especially since she caused this to happen. She came to realize that the power she was gifted with would carry with it the burden of responsibility, especially if innocent lives were caught in the crossfire in battle, and therefore there would be consequences for her actions if people got hurt. For a time, she believed that she could manage, that she would be able to avoid doing such a thing. And yet at that moment, when the vine she conjured tugged against the Dread Emperor’s chained charge and she heard the sickening snap of that tiny neck, she knew. She knew that she had just taken an innocent life. It was all her fault.

She knew there was no way for her to easily atone for her actions. She was a killer, plain and simple. Despite Vox Machina being there to try to support her, they never truly understood what it felt like for her. So thus the next day before sunrise, she made the choice to just up and leave the group before anyone else woke up, leaving behind only a single written letter explaining where she had gone.

Keyleth knew that it was the cowardly choice, and even then it didn’t help at all considering the difficulties she experienced during her training under Pa’tice. The vision she experienced did not help matters either, which only further shook what feelings of conviction she still had. It made her greatly think about whether or not she was even worthy of becoming the Voice of the Tempest. It also made her wish that her mother had never vanished, since due to that the burden of the Aramenté was suddenly placed on Keyleth’s shoulders. She even silently hated the fact that her own people—even her own father—decided that she had to be the one even though she never wanted the responsibility. Once again, no one ever truly knew or understood her suffering. Not her people, nor Vox Machina, nor anyone else.

But at the same time, she knew that she could not survive out in the world alone. And she still had a kinship with her party, even with her misgivings about them. So when she had finally returned six months later, and the party welcomed her back with open arms, she was such a sobbing mess that Tiberius hugged her tight, the dragonborn relieved that she came back safe and sound.

Having thought all of those things, Keyleth felt that Vax was acting this way because of how she treated him. Another pang of guilt formed within her.

“I, um... I wanted to see how you were doing,” he started to say. And he then glanced at the residue on the wall and said, “Having a bad night yourself, I take it?”

Keyleth let out another deep sigh and replied, “Yeah. Not exactly making a lot of headway in being an alchemist, that’s for sure. I’ve also got a lot on my mind about what’s to come.”

Vax nodded, still not wanting to look her in the eye. And every time he averted his gaze, it only served to make her feel even worse. “Same. Um, I guess that answers my question. I don’t want to, um, keep you from working or trying to get some sleep. So... I’ll just be going now.”

With that, Vax removed himself from the wall and, while still not looking her in the eye, began to walk off with his shoulders slumped. Keyleth looked down at her feet, unsure as to what to do next. She knew that she had to say something, but she wasn’t sure if he’d even stay put due to how she treated him. Indecision was always a strong flaw of hers every time she was faced with a choice.

She still had to try, though.

“Vax, wait.”

She then heard the rogue’s footsteps slowing and then stopping entirely before he could get too far upon hearing her words. Looking up, she could see that his back was facing her, head still drooped down and shoulders still slumped. She got him to stop walking away, but what next?

“If you want to talk, then by all means. Please come inside,” she said as she moved away from the door and waited for Vax to step in. And to her surprise, he walked inside and stood there as she closed the door and, as if on impulse, locked it. Behind her, she could hear him sigh heavily.

Wait, why did I just lock the door? It’s not like I’m planning to do... “that”. This isn’t exactly the right time and place for that. I mean, I don’t even know how he feels about me, nor what I’m supposed to do about it. Sure, I’ve been having dreams about him, but why have I?

Am I... dreaming about him because I am in love? Or is it out of concern?

Why can’t I seem to figure these things out?! It’s not like I can ask Scanlan or Grog about it; they are less about love and more about lust! Maybe Vex? I doubt it. Who knows how she’d react, especially since it’s about her brother?

I mean, Vax and I are only friends... right?

Then again, I can’t help but feel as if he thinks of me as more than that... if that moment was any indication.

Keyleth, lost in her reverie, couldn’t help but think back to a certain moment from back when they were in Vasselheim, waiting for Vex’ahlia’s team to return.

It had been only a few moments after Kashaw had made his abrupt exit. As Thorbir groaned at the sudden and unexpected display of affection and walked off to get himself a drink at one of the many taverns in the cold streets of Vasselheim, the rest of them were brought to another room for lodging.

“This is where you can stay while you wait for your companions to return. I’m sure they will be back quickly,” Murtin Cyndrial had stated, his jovial personality ringing true.

But Vax wasn’t as jovial about it. Instead, he let himself in without a word, not looking anyone in the eye as he crashed onto the bed. Tiberius, grumbling and muttering and complaining as usual, entered the room as well. The overall trial had been rough for all of them, after all.

“T-Thank you, Murtin,” Keyleth replied. “Will you let us know when they come back? Because... Vax gets very agitated if he’s apart from his sister for a long time.”

“Oh, certainly!” the halfling said with a laugh. “Also, I gotta say, that Kash fellow sure knows how to make an impression. Don’t you think so, missy?”

Keyleth’s face turned a scarlet red color, being reminded once again of the grumpy cleric stealing her first kiss, and without warning too. “Y-Yeah, he does.”

“Well, I’ll let you get some sleep. You’ve earned it!” Murtin shouted with nothing but cheer in his voice. He then walked off with a spring in his step, still excited about the news of the successful hunt of the rakshasa .

Keyleth still stood there in the hall as she stared off into space, still dazed about the kiss as her heart raced. This was something completely new to her, something unknown. That Kashaw was certainly something else. She wasn’t sure why she felt such an attraction towards him, as they had only known each other for a few hours. Not to mention that he seemed either disinterested or outright rude about everything she had said and done.

She also couldn’t help but feel as if the kiss felt awkward and weird.

I mean, he’s technically a married man. And up until that point, he didn’t really seem the least bit interested in me. What the hell was that about?

Although... it did feel good, at least a little. I wonder if that’s what it feels like for other girls who receive their first kiss.

“Ah, young love. So fleeting, yet so palpable. It’s truly amazing to witness, especially if it’s you.”

Keyleth jumped a little at the unexpected voice. She turned to where it was coming from, and her nerves were settled immediately. It was Tiberius.

“Wait, what do you mean ‘love’? I-I only just met the guy,” she asked him.

“Oh, did I misunderstand? My sincerest apologies, milady,” Tiberius responded, scratching the back of his scaled head. “Then again, I’ve never really experienced such a thing myself, being a scholarly fellow. It was always reading and research up in Draconia for me.”

“I see... I mean, I can relate. Back home in Zephrah, I had the same kind of upbringing in my preparation for the Aramenté. No time for socializing, no time for fun, no time for... love. So... this is very new to me. Although...”

“’Although’? What’s wrong, Your Highness?” Tiberius asked.

Keyleth hesitated. “It... It’s nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

Then out of the corner of her eye, Keyleth then noticed something. Namely, an empty bed where Vax once was.

“Hey, where did Vax go?”

Tiberius looked at where he was earlier and shrugged. “Poor boy. He must still be fretting about Vex. After all, he was very angry at the tiefling woman—”

“Vanessa,” Keyleth interrupted. “She has a name, Tiberius.”

“Sorry,” Tiberius said apologetically. “He was very angry at Vanessa for splitting us all up. And I’ll be frank, I’m just as worried about the others as you and Vax are.”

Keyleth nodded. “Still... I worry about him. I... have my reasons.”

What Keyleth didn’t elaborate on was that the root of her worry stemmed from having Vax on the forefront of her mind for the past two weeks or so ever since the Underdark. She wasn’t really sure if Tiberius would understand, based on his own admission.

“Um... I’m gonna go look for him,” Keyleth told the dragonborn. “Don’t wait for me to go to sleep. I’ll be back soon.”

Tiberius shrugged. “Very well, milady. I need some sleep anyway.”

Then, as soon as Tiberius closed the door behind him, Keyleth made her way through the hallways to the front doors that led out into the Quadroads. Making her way outside, she figured that she’d have a better chance of finding him from above. Focusing, she transformed into a raven and took to the sky. As she flew, she looked all over with her avian eyes. And after about an hour of searching, she could just barely catch the sight of a dark-haired half-elven man skulking in the alleyways.

Vax.

Keyleth flew in for a closer look and then carefully perched herself on his shoulder. Vax was only mildly started until he realized she was there. He then calmed himself down, his body becoming less tense.

“Hello, little birdie. What are you doing out here in the middle of this cold city?” Vax asked her, a faint smile forming on his face.

Keyleth cursed herself that she couldn’t respond with words. One of the many things she was upset about when it came to her shapeshifting abilities. Instead, she edged closer and did her best to brush her feathered body against Vax’s face. His skin felt chilled due to being outside this long.

Vax, you really should come back inside. You’ll freeze to death if you’re not careful.

“Aww, aren’t you really affectionate? Reminds me of Trinket whenever he nuzzles me or Vex. Or even the rest of the group...”

Vax trails off, the smile fading. He then looks up at the night sky, his breath visible due to the cold.

“My sister is out there, quite possibly fighting a dragon right now. I don’t even know if she’s alive or not. Sure, she has some of our companions with her, but that doesn’t exactly ease my worries. As if that wasn’t enough... someone I know had just met someone else. And... I don’t even know how I should react to that.”

Keyleth’s heart sank a little. She knew he was referring to her and Kashaw.

Wait, are you... jealous, Vax? I mean, why would you be jealous? We’re friends.

“I dunno, I’m not even sure how I feel about her,” Vax continued. “She’s an amazing person. She’s powerful and kind, and she may be an awkward and nervous wreck, but I like that about her. I... I don’t know how to process this feeling within me.”

Wait a minute... is he talking about...?

“Oh, who am I kidding?” Vax was still saying. “I’m probably just stressed from what’s been happening lately. Hmph, I never thought that a bird like you would make a great conversation partner.”

Vax took his finger and scratched Keyleth’s raven neck. She closed her eyes and felt a little more content. She wanted to just revert right then and there, but she wasn’t sure how Vax would react. He’d probably be so flustered that he would start avoiding her. Instead, she did her best to motion towards the direction of the guildhall, hoping that Vax would take the hint.

“Oh... Now that you mention it, I should be heading back. I’m only going to make the others worry. You should get going yourself. Don’t you have others to go back to?”

Keyleth did her best to nod in her bird form and then took to the sky once more. As she flew, her mind began to race.

Did... he basically just say he had feelings for me? He wasn’t exactly being direct with his words. Then again, maybe I’m overthinking it.

I still wonder, though.

Trying to focus, she managed to fly back to the guildhall and up through the window leading to their room. Seeing that she made it back before Vax, and that Tiberius was sound asleep (and snoring), Keyleth found herself crawling into bed herself. It was a long day, and it was seemingly going to be a much longer wait.

Three days. That is what the Huntmaster had stated in terms of the duration of the trial. They could easily wait three days.

But then three days became four, and it was not until midday on the fourth day that they finally came back. From there, they traveled to Pyrah and then finished some more business in Vasselheim before returning home... and then things quickly went to hell.

“Um, where do I even start?” Vax asked her, bringing Keyleth out of her reverie. She remembered that she merely asked him to come in for a talk.

Just a talk. Nothing more. At least, I think that is the case.

Sighing, Keyleth turned away from the door and found herself staring  at Vax’s back. Nervously, she reached out, grasped his arm, and pulled it with the intent to make him turn around. And without much restraint, he did so albeit his head was still dropped low.

“You can start by looking at me.”

When he didn’t, she took her hands and placed them on both sides of his face and made it so he could finally look her in the eye. And when he did, she could see something that she was expecting to see: tears falling down his face.

“Vax?”

Silence surrounded the two of them for quite a while. If anything, Vax was always the quiet sort when emotionally burdened, as well as when he was being distant. In fact, he was so quiet that she almost didn’t catch a whispered response from him. It was muttered too low for her to hear.

“Did you say something?” she asked in a quiet, gentle tone.

“I’m sorry.”

Keyleth frowned and tilted her head. “For what?”

Vax’s tears continued to flow down his cheeks, trailing down her hands and along her arms as he no doubt struggled to find the words to say to her. Every passing moment that he stayed silent only further served to depress Keyleth. And then, after a while, he finally said something.

“For making you angry. For being inconsiderate. For just being me.”

It was as if someone had lit a lantern in her head, as hearing those words made her want to cry herself. Deep down, she wanted to punch herself for not even taking into account Vax’s feelings at all. She was just as inconsiderate of them as he was of hers at the time. And that realization only served to make her feel worse. And little by little, her stoic expression started to crack.

“I... I didn’t mean to anger you so much. I didn’t even think of how you would react. I only wanted to tell Tiberius that he was in the wrong when he killed that woman and... out of everyone in our group, I didn’t want to make you angry at me. That’s... something I never want to do. Ever.”

“Vax... shut up,” Keyleth interrupted, not wanting to hear any more. She dropped the façade entirely and pulled Vax in for a tight, strong hug. And even then, she still tried to hold back her tears as she started to run her hand through his hair, trying to calm him down.

“Keyleth?” he asked, his voice quaking.

She shook her head as she couldn’t hold back any longer, the tears now falling down her face. It was her fault that he was acting like this. She caused yet another heart to be broken. Just like the mother of the child. Just like when she ended up reducing Lady Kima to tears when they had their argument in the Underdark.

Why am I cursed to make people cry?

Pulling herself together, she told Vax, “It’s all right. I should be the one to apologize. It’s true that I was angry at you, but I’m more angry at myself for allowing that past mistake to affect me so much.”

Vax nodded as he continued to cry and eventually embraced her just as tight. His embrace was warm and strong, much like how she remembered it when they mourned the loss of the flying carpet during the pursuit of the rakshasa. For that brief moment, all she wanted to do was to hug him and comfort him.

“I suppose we both have a lot to feel sorry for,” Keyleth told him as she still held him tight.

“I suppose we do,” Vax said to her. “I don’t want what happened to ruin our friendship. It means a lot to me. And... I don’t blame you for being angry at me. I was being quite a dumbass.”

Keyleth nodded. “I agree. I don’t want to lose our friendship, either. Not over a mistake like that. It’s rather childish of me to cut ties over such a thing, actually. It’s not something a future leader of the Ashari should do.” She pulled back and looked into Vax’s eyes and said with a surprisingly calm voice, “So... I forgive you.”

At that statement, he gave a faint smile. “Thank you, Kiki. I really appreciate that.”

Keyleth couldn’t help but return his smile with one of her own. Despite that brief feeling of anger and resentment towards Vax over the past week, she couldn’t help but feel grateful that even though she treated him that way, he didn’t hold it against her. Having thought that, something stirred within her, a rather pleasant feeling coursing through her body and warming her heart. It made her smile a little wider, and she didn’t even feel embarrassed about it.

So is it true? Do I... feel that way about him?

Breaking the embrace, and wanting to not dwell on such thoughts, Keyleth then said to Vax, “I know I’ll never get over that feeling of guilt. That’s not going to change. However, I do need to not go into a rage whenever it gets brought up. I know you had good intentions, and it was wrong of me. So... starting tomorrow, we can go back to how things were.”

Vax nodded slowly. “Agreed. It’ll feel good to do that.”

Keyleth nodded back. A thought then came to her as she asked Vax, “Well, since you’re still here, I was wondering if I could have your opinion on something.”

“Yes?” he replied.

Keyleth then walked to her closet and pulled out some familiar-looking clothes: a brown, sleeveless dress with gray leggings and a leather corset, with ruby-encrusted arm bangles and a matching choker. They were the clothes that she had bought in Vasselheim, recently mended and cleaned.

“I was thinking of wearing this tomorrow. I kinda need to break this outfit in some more. What do you think?” she asked as she showed him the dress.

Vax thought about it for a moment and then said, “I think it would look great on you once more. You should wear it.”

Keyleth blushed a little as she placed the bundle of clothes on the table after putting away all of her alchemical tools. “Thank you, Vax. That’s very sweet of you.”

Vax turned his head away, but not before Keyleth herself noticed a blush on his cheeks and the tips of his ears. “Well, I’ll see you in the morning, then. Good night, Kiki.”

“Good night, Vax,” she replied, choosing not to show that she noticed him blushing. The rogue then let himself out the door and back into the dark hallways, heading back to his room.

Keyleth closed the door and leaned back against it, feeling a little better after her talk with Vax. It gave her a chance to calm down after her failed alchemy attempts. And besides, she had to admit that seeing Vax blush like that was rather cute.

I still have to wonder. Does he have feelings for me? And do I for him?

Shaking her head, Keyleth made her way to her bed and crawled under the covers. She then allowed herself to fall asleep, and she ended up dreaming of their time in Vasselheim. Specifically, of the time before they infiltrated the Velvet Cabaret when they pretended to be married. It was rather amusing to tell Vex about that later on, but what Keyleth’s dream was focused on was how it felt to be in his presence.

She continued to sleep, oblivious to her door creaking open as Vax peeked through, watching her sleep as if she were the most amazing person in the world. And then, he closed the door and silently went back to his room, a smile forming on his lips.

The next morning, everyone began to gather together as Tiberius prepared his teleportation circle. Vax could notice that everyone was on edge due to the agreement they all made to go to Whitestone today. If they failed, they would no doubt all die. But it was still a risk that had to be taken, for Percy’s sake.

As Tiberius finished his preparations, he noticed Keyleth consciously standing close to him. The two half-elves looked at each other, a silent understanding between them of where they stood now, as Vax felt much more calm and serene after his conversation with her the other night. He truly felt as if he might have a chance to tell her one day, provided they survived their upcoming battle with the Briarwoods.

He heard a rather faint snarl from behind, a quick glance revealing the source to be Vex. He noticed Keyleth shrugging at the ranger when their eyes met, and Vax could only wonder what his twin was thinking. He hadn’t told her either, after all. But perhaps there would be a chance later on. And as Tiberius cast the spell, and the circle flared to life, Vax and Keyleth soon found themselves holding hands as they braced themselves for the inevitable confrontation to come and leaped into the portal together.

They didn’t realize it at the time, but their feelings for each other were quite strong even if they were unsure as to how the other felt. But by the end of their impending adventure in Whitestone, that would change.

#critical role #vaxleth #keyleth #vax'ildan #critfic #fic update