#basically i dont trust you not to judge me or tell me im wrong or actually help me

[unimportantweirdo]

im

so upset

#my mum is more stressed than i am about me getting a job #'most other parents would have told you to get out and get a job' well they shouldnt!! #i am 22 i am a baby!! #i am a 4 year old adult!! #'we want to help we want you to talk to us' #you didnt help me when i was bullied! or when i was being abused! #or when i was isolated from everyone and everything i knew! #basically i dont trust you not to judge me or tell me im wrong or actually help me #i am struggling and im tired and i had a shit time at uni and i don't know how to live outside a structured environment #doing two courses isnt enough i should be doing another course or have a job or be doing an apprenticeship #apparently #fucking hell leave me alone

[thatnarcissisticfeel]

hi, thanks for answering, i appreciate it. also that you didn’t just call me toxic or some shit and tell me to fuck off. i’ve actually never thought of joining a discord server but it’s a good idea, thank you, i think i could try that. i guess on another account though to prevent anyone from accidentally finding out bc you know for yourself how it is. i’ll look up if i can find some kind of dbt workbooks online as well.

the journaling idea is good as well, i’ve actually been trying for a while but i end up rarely using it as a past experience left me with kinda bad trust issues about writing / drawing things down where someone could see them. but i guess i could try hiding it better this time or something. it’s just this thing that also sometimes venting like that actually ends up making me even more frustrated, as i realize i’ve already written about this exact thing countless times before yet still nothing has changed.

i’m trying not to make a too harsh judgement of my therapist yet, considering i haven’t been seeing her for that long, but… yeah. when i said that i’ve been going to therapy for years i meant going to a lot of different ones in this time. no one ever gets me. their advice is always so fucking useless. honestly at least this current one actually listens and doesnt make me feel uncomfortable or like i’m being judged. i think she’s the one i’ve been the most honest with because of that (and also because i just started telling her everything from the first session on already bc i’m tired of everyone always turning out to be nothing but a waste of time and money and effort), i generally lie to therapists esp my psychiatrist so i can get the meds i want (or else im 100% she’d just put me on some shit like antipsychotics, which ive been on in the past and i’d honestly rather kill myself than take them again, idk if you’ve tried them before but i basically felt r*tarded [idk how some ppl are sensitive of slur use like i personally dont care but i dont want your blog banned or smth] and tired all the time and it “”””helped”””” in the way that it made me too slow to be able to think about my problems. thanks psychiatry. not a traumatizing experience at all). i mentioned that i suspect i could have a personality disorder to her once or twice and she seemed to agree that it could be a possibility, but obviously no one can diagnose that fast. but i guess i’ll see. i really just want to know whats wrong with me, why do i think the way i do, why i can’t just be more fucking normal no matter how hard i try. but getting an actual diagnosis of a PD esp if it turned out to be this one would just mean i’d get treated even worse by every single doctor, not even necessarily a mental health one, bc physical doctors see all your records as well,, i’ve already been told my legitimate physical issues are just bc im depressed, or even if they dont straight up tell me they definitely treat me less seriously and i just know its bc i have mental illnesses diagnoses & im female.

i just … ugh. i feel so sick of it all and misunderstood. i know i can get genuinely abusive in arguments when someone upsets me but i really dont know how to stop or control myself. i hate that people act as if it’s all my fault. like everything i’ve gone through doesn’t even matter and i’m just an inherently evil person. like i didn’t have some kind of a terribly traumatic childhood, but i’ve always been either bullied or excluded by almost everyone i’ve ever met and all the social isolation honestly really fucked me up. i think that’s why i developed such a strong individuality complex as i’ve never been able to think all of it must be simply because i’m worthless. like fuck no, 99% of the people are dumb and shallow and ignorant towards reality of the world and i’m supposed to feel like i’m somehow worse than them? at least i have self awareness and my own thoughts. i mean i do think we’re all worthless because nothing in life has any value, so why should humanity be the exception? that still doesn’t stop me from hating everyone though. i may be a hypocrite but so is everyone else; and at least i don’t pretend to be a gOoD pErSoN. lacking empathy and not having morals doesn’t make me any less deserving of help even though i know how many people unironically believe people like me should just be shot. fucking brainless hypocrites, all of them.

but anyway yeah my point here is, fuck people who think anyone chooses to be this way. all of this has done nothing good for me other than made my life much harder. and not to mention unable to ever get genuinely close to anyone because what is the worth in a relationship if i can’t even bring myself to care about anyone? i don’t think “empaths” even realize how alienating it actually is. which is once again so ironic because THEY should be the ones to try to understand it, but no, they just generalize everyone and share the nonsense propaganda that we’re incapable of change.

so yeah, this turned into another vent but i really lack any people in my life who i could be honest with. i feel so lonely all the time. it’s not even really missing a friend group or romance or physical touch, it’s more of this feeling of feeling completely alone and that no one (other than a few people whose writings and actions i admire but they’re all dead) would ever be able to truly understand me. so yeah as cheesy as it is, sometimes it’s nice to be reminded i’m not alone by someone other than a generic social media post made by someone who’d 100% hate me if i told them even half this shit. can i maybe dm you sometime btw? i felt like staying anon while writing this bc i tend to get anxious with ppl at first but idk, maybe, if youre comfortable with that ofc

btw if its alright to ask can i ask how did you get diagnosed? what was the process like and how long did it take? did they suspect anything else at first? do you feel treated by ppl any differently now tjat you have a diagnosis of such a stigmatized disorder? (^ i mean these previous questions if youre diagnosed by a psych, if not its perfectly valid as well ofc) whats personally helping u to cope?

Good luck! I’m glad I could offer some help/reassurance. Maybe instead of a physical journal you could use a private blog or even just a notes app on your phone/computer if that sounds safer?

I do hope things improve with your new therapist and that things work out, it’s good that she at least agrees you might have a PD. Normally I’d recommend a therapist who specializes in PDs, maybe even especially NPD, but idk if that’s accessible for you and/or if you’ve already tried it and had no luck.

But again, I want to reiterate that you’re not alone, and what you’re going through and what you feel is 100% relatable to other pwNPD. I truly wish that more people understood us and the irony isn’t lost on me that it’s always “empaths” who are the ones who have the LEAST empathy for us. And I feel like the societal lack of understanding contributes to the more “ugly” or “stigmatized” traits of our disorder even more, tbh. Anyway, my point is that I definitely don’t mind at all if you vent, so please do feel free to DM me if you want to or feel more comfortable that way!

As for my diagnosis, it’s a bit messy — for context im a recent graduate from college and the bulk of my therapy came from campus services, where it was acknowledged I very likely had a PD especially within cluster B but I never got an official diagnosis while I was seeing the school-based therapist, and at the moment I’m trying to find a new therapist who can help me. At first we thought I just had a really intense form of rejection sensitivity dysphoria due to ADHD, then realized it was likely something else. So I’m a weird mix of “self diagnosed, but likely wouldn’t have admitted it to myself or realized it if a professional hadn’t pointed me in that direction.” Until I can find a professional im honestly just doing the best I can to help myself. Sometimes I get tempted to turn to substances to cope bc they make me softer and more open, and if you feel the same way I highly recommend avoiding this, ofc. I mostly use relatable music (lmk if you want my NPD playlist!) and DBT workbooks as a way to help myself, and I also just try my hardest to avoid or remove myself from situations where I might lose my cool and become toxic. Obviously this is easier said than done, but there are ways to do it. For instance, if I’m in a group chat where I feel like people are getting more attention than me, I’ll mute the group chat and maybe text someone from a different group one-on-one (not necessarily about my issues, just in general).I know that answer is pretty mild and entirely social media based lol, but it’s the best example I can provide.

[shit-scfandom-did]

so i have a few questions

1)i cannot understand how you ship k*ramel. their relationship was FILLED with toxicity. from mon-el failing over and over again to listen to what kara had to say to him basically telling her to give up being kara danvers. convincing her that "being supergirl and having you is enough” was absolutely horrible. karamel had their moments but overall it was toxic. then in s3 mon el was married and the whole point of season 3 was allowing them to move on. accepting the toxicity from s2 and pushing past that romanticized time. mon el was a better person by 3b but he was still married. even if mon el and imra did break up in the finale there’s no future for karamel. even during 5x13 kara went to ask on advice about lena. and when winn came to visit from the future not a word about him. she’s moved on and it just wouldn’t make sense for kara to end up with him.

2) how can you hate lena so so so much?? it’s been said over and over again that all she’s ever wanted to do is good. though she’s designed to be this morally grey character. she has FLAWS but that’s what makes her so good. she’s a victim of abuse and you can see her struggle with that especially in seasons 4 and 5. in 5 she definitely goes down a questionable path but how can you expect her not too? after being emotionally abused by her brother, betrayed by her family, andrea (this did happen before kara), and then eve. finding out that kara and EVERYONE she loves has betrayed her as well. I mean how could you not go mad?? and even when she “went mad” she was trying to rid humanity of PAIN. something she later realized was a necessary part of life. her hurt blinded her from reality and lex’s manipulation pushed her down further. she’s been hurt and broken so many times and while that’s not an excuse for what she’s done you have no sympathy for her and that I find appalling. lena has realized what she’s done is wrong, that she’s made mistakes, what she did to kara, and she will have to live with that isn’t that punishment enough? she’s apologized and is trying to make up for everything she’s done by saving the world (again). your unnecessary hate towards her infuriates me. cant you take a step back and see the whole picture?

3) why DONT you ship supercorp or accept the queerbaiting? (watch this: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=C2w2GBXd_Pg) They are the core relationship of the show while the danvers sisters are the heart. they’ve gone through so so much together and practically dated in early season 2. they love each other it’s just oh so apparent. i like to believe one of the reasons lena reacted so strongly in s5 is because she was in love with kara and she couldn’t handle the person she was in love with lying to her. and kara flew around the world to get lena’s favorite food!! if that’s not romantic idk what is. I feel like you’ve developed such a clouded view of supercorp that you need to take a step back and understand what lena is the love of kara’s life.

wow what a long message. im not here to hate. im here to inform & undertand. i get it. karamel had their moments and even MY perception of them might be a little cloudy. im not going to hate you for liking them. hell I even shipped them for a little! my brother thinks 3b mon el and kara would’ve been perfect but he understands that supercorp is just where the show is leading and he wants them to be endgame. but what I will hate is your hate. what’s the point of all this? this thread, this account is going to do NOTHING. so why bother? I debated sending this and I hope I’m not too harsh at times but I really wanna see what you say. I hope you can open your eyes to lena and supercorp. maybe even become a supercorp shipper yourself!

- thanks and supercorp endgame 💙❤️

First of all, if you want to discuss ships in the future send this type of anons to facepalming-since-chernobyl, this blog is not for this, but for gathering receipts.

1.I just ship it, I don’t get why you have to understand it. It’s shipping. But if you insist:

No, it was not filled with toxicity. Count me when he failed to listen to her when they were in a relationship. Secondly, he is not a dog, he has his brain, he is his own person. People don’t always do what others asked them to do. It’s not slavery.

He has NEVER said to her to give up being Kara Danvers. How did he exactly convince her? How can you read the scene that he convinced her that being supergirl and having him is erasing Kara Danvers? In this scene he supports anything SHE WANTS to do. Also, Kara Danvers doesn’t equal Kara being a reporter in CatCo. On that moment she had her blog. She change people’s live with it like a real reporter. She took the risk and met consequences of her actions aka being fired by Snapper. Also, remind me who told her to create a blog? With your logic Lena was erasing Kara Danvers too.

Friendly reminder that he was forced to the marriage to keep peace. Also, friendly reminder Imra and the Legion out him in this situation without telling him about her plans. She and Brainiac put him there, knowing exactly how much he loved Kara and how much she meant to him. Imra knew that, that’s why she asked him to stay and solve his feelings. She said if he had come back, she would have known he had no doubts. But he wanted to stay, that’s why they broke up. He came back because once again he sacrificed himself for the greater good, like a real hero. Maybe watch the Argo eps because they clearly show that no, it was no about moving on.

It was not accepting about so called toxicity. First of all, she already forgave him that he lied. Secondly, all of she was screaming in that scene, when she was infected with M’rynn’s powers, happened before they got together and it was already approached in the musical ep. Aka, this scene had no point.

There is no future for karamel because you say so?

Kara went to asked him, because she truly believed and trusted him and his judgment. And yes, she asked about Lena and what did he said? That Kara deserved the same compassion she gives others, something Lena never gave her. And sorry, I know all scs scream the 100 ep was about sc, but it was about Kara fully realizing she is not responsible for Lena’s horrible choices. That’s it. And friendly reminder she called her a villain in the last scene. Also, the ep showed than no matter what, Lena always ends screwing something, because she has too big ego, always knows better, doesn’t stand criticism and doesn’t trust anyone.

It doesn’t make sense for you. Suit yourself.

2.Her fans made me hate her :) Thanks to them and how they excuse her every horrible action, how they treat her as a victim, while she abuse everyone etc. I started to watch her more carefully. And well, she is a horrible, white, privileged capitalist, who plays god, judge, jury, has mommy issues and acts like typical Luthor while crying she is not one, while still using Luthors money and resources.

Yeah, many people want to make good and end doing evil things. Common people pay for their sins, she has never. Since allowing hostile Daxamite army to invade the Earth (also, her portal affected the other aliens who destroyed the NC), producing a device that could recofnize aliens without their consent (and it was used by Children of Liberty,)producing and lying about Kryptonite, trying to make people superpowered without any supervision, killing Adam during illegal experiment, supporting openly alienphobic president and in a way Agent Liberty, killing Lex and then blaming Kara and finally manipulating Kara for months, lying, gaslighting, yelling, making her steal Lex journal, trying to lobotomize her and tortured with kryptonite, hurting every way possible, physically and mentally. Working with mass murderer, enslaving 3 people (kidnapping Eve, without her consent putting AI into her mind, basically RAPING her brain and making her a puppet in her own body; enslaving end experimenting on Malefic and Russel – threatening to kill him to steal Andrea’s necklace) – none of it are flaws. It was horrible abuse and violating every human right and the fact some people excuse it is disgusting.

First of all, being victim of abuse doesn’t give you the rights to HURT other people. The fact I have to explain pains me. Secondly, what abuse exactly? Lillian didn’t love her? Lex kidnapped her? Said he was going to kill her? You know what? Winn HAD HORRIBLE past and he didn’t turn into a murderer. Mon-El was abused by his mother and never tortured Kara with Kryptonite. J’onn killed a lot of white martians but last time I checked he doesn’t feel good about it. Also, never said the things he has done were GOOD. See a difference?

Yeah, and all of it, still doesn’t give her the rights to torture people. Also, friendly reminder she lied to Supergirl about Kryptonite in s3, much before the whole drama. Remember how she destroyed the life of a girl that stole boyfriend in middle school? It clearly shows she always had THAT in her. Plus, sorry not sorry, if she wanted different life, outside her family she could have easily done that. She was in Star City, with Jack, doing her researches, making her career. And she threw it all away, because she WANTED to be a Luthor.

Plus, sorry not sorry, if you feel betrayed and hurt because your friend didn’t tell you something she didn’t OWE you, you go to therapy, not trying to lobotomize entire planet.

Mate, she wanted to lobotomizer entire humanity, without ANYONE’S consent, because SHE, one single Lena, felt hurt. This is playing a GOD. Nothing explains it.

Planning a cold ass revenge for months is not being blinded by feelings.

Once again, even if could argue about how many times she was broken, most of that was a white privileged life she chose herself but whatever, it still doesn’t excuse her. All of she has done should meet consequences. Paying for shit you have done, accepting it, fully realizing what you have done is a part of redemption. Still in s5 she didn’t even apologize to Kara. Because she still didn’t understand what she has done and doesn’t feel sorry about it.

Feel appalled as much as you want, because I’m not going to feel sorry for a white, privileged woman who has never paid for her actions and is basically a living avatar of the worst Karen you can imagine.

She realized Lex was using her horrible experiments (remember? She experimented on puppies too) to his own agenda, that’s why she went to Kara. That’s not grasping a thing. Mhm, if you call that an apology then suit yourself. She is not saving the world, she is helping once again other people fixing the shit she created.

Feel infuriated as much as you want, because I don’t care? Especially when it comes from a person who tells others to take a step back while being totally narrow minded about Mon-El and karamel.

3.Because actors, prodcuers, writers call SC a female friendship. Mel did that in her last interview. See whatever you want but maybe stop forcing people to ship a horribly abusive ship.

Well… no. Kara is the heart and soul of the Supergirl. Alex is her most important relationship. Lena is an important friend, who doesn’t deserve it yet, but we all know Kara is the Paragon of Hope so of course she is going to forgive her.

I know you people think sc dated because they breathed in one room, but in s2 Kara dated, had sex, kissed, cuddled and enjoyed her time with Mon-El.

Yeah, they love each other as friends. It was said more than once.

That’s your delusion, you are free to do it.

Kara done that to Alex too, so you are saying she is romantically in love with her sister or something? If bringing people food is romantic and damn, most of the people I know loves me, god.

No, lena is not Kara’s love of her life.

Cool, you are not going to hate me because I ship karamel, I’m touched.

Sorry that you are going to be super disappointed in the end of the show I guess.

You will hate my hate – what’s the point of it?

Once again, because I don’t think you understand the point of this blog or read the description – it’s gathering receipts of assholes who cross tag and hate on the actors. Maybe go and search #gross hate or #cast hate on this blog so you can see how amazing your fandom is. Have fun.

I would rather eat my own shit than starting shipping the victim of abuse with her abuser.

Thanks and no :)

#anons

[1990jeevas]

Plesse tell me about queerness in the get down!!

okay okay queerness in the get down let's fuckn goooo

disclaimer: I havent watched this show in full for like 5 months at least, probably gonna get something wrong and/or forget some more important bits. also this wasnt proof read I just word vomited

tws: period typical homophobia, abuse mention, f slur use, bury your gays trope, overdose mention, mention of a creepy possible age gap (the age gap hasnt been confirmed so that's why its possible), cops

going from least to most prominent queer characters, let's start with mylene cruz!

so, from the beginning of this show she has an established romantic relationship with ezekiel (although the status of their actual relationship changes frequently throughout the show) and though this was a relationship she was hesitant to pursue, it is clear that she does have romantic feelings for him and if not for them both having growing careers in very different music genres (zeke specifically working in a genre that she repeatedly labels as bad because she thinks they're ruining records + that it isnt real music because they're using someone elses piece and rapping over it, that's not really important here tho lol) they probably wouldve had a much healthier, smooth sailing romance. that being said theres a few things that happen in the show that, while not explicitly clear, or even really good coding at that—to the point where you wont catch if you really arent looking for it (and trust me, I always look for coding, hers was just so little that it flew over my head until I saw someone else mention it)—are still cool to think about!

so, for starters, I wanna mention the toy box performance, which was performed by mylene and regina, who are best friends. that's all cool and shit, and you dont really think much about it...until you hear about the fact that the show runners purposely colored a lot of the scenes in that performance with the bi colors. like. the writers after the show ended basically said "oh yeah there was plans to make her coding more explicit, but our shit got cancelled soooo" and then dropped the fact that she was gonna be bi (or at least implies bi) in the series, which puts a new twist on a few things.

now, besides the bi coloring in the background of the toy box performance (which was mostly on scenes with her and regina, which involved a lot of uh,, lowkey lewd dancing. with each other. in very revealing outfits. wooooo), there's her music! I dont tend to read too much into this one bc, like I said before, her coding is fucking light and the writers themselves said they didnt really get to do much with it, but I think some stuff with her music is interesting. specifically how her, yolanda and regina's song set me free blew up because dizzee, resident (lowkey enby coded) bicon, got their song played in a queer club. also that the song was majorly important to dizzee and started playing literally right as he kissed a boy for the first time and realized "oh shit I like boys that's bonkers". also that the song can be taken in a gay way since literally the entire thing is about becoming your true self, fully and unapologetically, which is what both dizzee and mylene's entire character arcs are about. dizzee (and a lot of other queer people, apparently), heard this song about being set free and it resonated with them so much that they got that shit most of its popularity.

speaking of dizzee and mylene, they parallel each other a lot in the way that their arcs are about them realizing who they are, coming into themselves and no longer just letting people treat them like shit in a sense (dizzee starting to tell people essentially that they can call him weird all they want, they can make fun of how he acts, what he likes, how he dresses, etc. but he likes how he is and quite literally saying "it's okay to be an alien" as he has consistently compared himself to one throughout the show vs mylene learning that if she wants to be a disco singer she needs to put her foot down, not let anyone, not even the love of her life, not even her abusive father, stop her from achieving her dreams, etc. and continuing to pursue her career with or without their support). one more little parallel that I think is interesting is during I think s2 towards the end of the show is when dizzee and thor are shown together having fun with each other, painting all over the building and each other and are basically just being happy and in love together and then they have these clips of them being interspersed with clips of mylene at a party where she is starting to realize that if she wants to get anywhere she needs to be her own main priority and that she needs to put her career and her dream, which is what makes her the happiest, above all else if she wants to succeed. idk I just think how the show made these two into a weird parallel, accidental or not, is neat. maybe not an explicitly queer parallel, but I think at least how her music and whatnot helped dizzee, the main queer character in this show, blossom, is important.

moving on we got shaolin fantastic also known as "oh no your internalized homophobia is showing-"

so, heres a quick list of...interesting shao facts:

Consistently referred to as fag/faggot (shaolin fanfaggot is my personal favorite); he gets really defensive about this despite nobody actually thinking he's queer, it's just people being assholes to be assholes, and he is the only character consistently referred to using a slur, especially a homophobic one, especially for a "straight" character. dizzee, a canonically queer character, is called a fag less than shaolin is even though dizzee actively goes to gay clubs, has a not so secret dude he "hangs out with" and wont let anyone properly meet, paints his nails, wears less than straight clothes even by the 70s standards and is just all around the definition of fucking queer (and I mean like in the weird way, not the gay way). in fact theres only like once I can remember him being called a fag and it had nothing to do with him actually being gay it was literally just like thrown out there the same way you would call someone a bitch.

Has only shown sexual interest in women, yet refuses to have deeper relationships with women in general (possibly because of trauma but who knows) but takes his relationships with his "brothers", specifically zeke, very seriously

Tells zeke and zeke ONLY his real name when zeke was planning to stop being his friend bc shao more or less got boo boo, a like 14 year old black kid, arrested for selling hard drugs; he was clearly scared and trying to do anything to keep zeke around, literally chasing him down the street and hounding him until he got zeke to stop and argue with him

Kept threatening to beat up zeke in the end but couldn't actually bring himself to do so, instead saying that zeke is "fucking lucky" before walking away

Let's zeke get away with things that nobody else can, in general just has a weird soft spot for ezekiel that he shows with nobody else

when shao found dizzee with thor in a vaguely compromising situation (like they were just shirtless covered in paint sleeping next to each other but shao had also seen everything they painted on the walls ((which some of it was sus)), it was clear they had painted on each others bodies and dizzee had been routinely disappearing with this guy for weeks now yet not producing nearly as much art, at least, as far as we audience members know) he didnt judge him but instead, waited for him to get cleaned up and then told him something along the lines of "theres a reason why im so secretive blah blah blah [not everyone needs to know everything about me]", which, in context, kinda implies that he might be a lil. a lil homiesexual. jus a lil.

whenever even the possibility of zeke leaving him comes up he absolutely loses it. he has literally cost ezekiel life changing opportunities because he thought zeke would just up and leave him for them. this could be abandonment issues bc he's a severely traumatized character, and that probably does contribute to it, but it also is just not a reaction he has to any of their other friends just randomly dipping in and out of his life soooooo

generally speaking, this mfer has got either bisexual with a big hard on for zeke coding or homosexual with terrible internalized homophobia and still a hard on for zeke coding. either fucking way, that nigga gay. he gay as hell. gay as fuck man. there wasn't really much to analyze here tbh bc the coding is just so fucking obvious if you look for it or you are/have been a gay person who's dealt with at least a little bit of internalized homophobia.

also, just a sidenote, idk how fucking old shao, but I'm praying hes like at max 19 bc I'm pretty sure zeke is a minor in this show and shao definetly is not so the whole him being heavily implied to have a crush on ezekiel thing is kinda. oof. not oof if zeke is like 17 but any younger than that? OOF.

edit: apparently the characters are only supposed to be a year apart in age but i had no clue about that before writing this post and since shaos age was never actually stated in the show i naturally assumed he was an adult since his actor Looks Like An Adult. this is definetly on me to a certain extent, but i also never saw anything about this when trying to find our their ages so 🤷‍♀️ maybe i just didnt look deep enough, sorry!

now moving on to the main event...marcus dizzee kipling :]

so, first things first, let's talk enby coding bc him being bisexual was already confirmed!

um, to start off, I just wanna say I dont think this enby coding was intentional or even really coding, it's just moreso me being a dizzee kin on main and knowing as a transmasc enby he has very transmasc enby vibes. for example:

cool, gender neutral nickname that everyone calls him

paints nails various different colors

the whole wardrobe is just a transmasc enby heaven...fishnet shirts, jean overalls, jackets and cuffed pants galore, the big colorful pins, etc

gender neutral hairstyle (when I had my fro it was very sexy and made it easy to transition between hyper masc and vaguely fem, which is pog)

comparing himself to/representing himself consistently with an alien character (though this is meant to represent his sexuality, it could also double as a gender thing too, not neccesarily bc of the whole nonbinary alien trope but bc an enby who likes aliens might heavily identify or compare themselves to whatever their idea of an alien is, whether that just be a genderless entity or a motherfucker with fly style and no need to be perceived as anything other Wacky As Hell)

moving on from there, let's talk about how his queerness is presented to us and how, while it may be a really good piece of representation, especially coming from netflix, it still lacks in A Lot of places.

so, let's start with good things!

i personally really like the get down's queer rep with dizzee bc it's (for the most part) nonsexualized and very very soft, about dizzee figuring himself out and realizing there is a place where he fits in, and about two teenagers in the 70s falling in love over their shared passion for street art. it also features an interracial couple where both boys challenge stereotypes both about queer men and men of color, which is epic poggers and very sexy. this piece of rep specifically is very important to me bc I am a queer black person and even tho interracial relationships are mostly normalized now, I've still had people give me shit for primarily dating white people in a town that is...primarily white lol

mm anyways, I can also appreciate how in the get down, dizzee being represented by rumi the alien is not a thing specifically related to gender (as it often is) and instead is about his sexuality and just in general weirdness and how it has led to him being alienated amongst his peers, poc or otherwise. him seeing himself as an alien is not about just his queerness, which is important, it is about him being a queer black man who talks different, acts different, dresses different and is "soft"—he isnt a walking black male stereotype and he wouldnt have been seen as masculine back in the 70s by any stretch of the imagination. this can be relatable to a wide spectrum of queer poc, from queer black men currently who still have to deal with this shit or to people like myself who are afab neurodivergent mixed race enbies that have always been signaled out as weird and alienated for it. dizzee is god rep bc while he has a small part in this show, his parts are very impactful, hard hitting and show queer poc of all ages that they arent alone and that it's okay to "weird", you just need to embrace it because somebody will love you for you, as thor did for dizzee.

that being said theres um. some minor problemas here,,,

namely:

dizzee and thors first kiss

the lack of development this pairing got

the way dizzee was confirmed bisexual off screen, he never said the words himself, just showed interest in both genders

the way dizzee and thor were never even confirmed boyfriends or just fwb so most of the fandom just calls them boyfriends bc Why Not

dizzee was implied fucking DEAD??? AT THE END OF THE SERIES?????? AND THOR WAS IMPLIED ARRESTED?????????????

now, these might have been things that wouldve been fine had the show been given it's full run but it wasnt which is why we are now left with probelms.

so, from the top, let's go over these: dizzee and thor's first (and only "on screen") kiss was one that was shown in a montage of other queer people making over and doing other vaguely romantic/sexual things, one of those things being a whole ass naked titty being mouthed at, but the actual kiss...was just not shown? like they really did just say "yes they kissed <3 you know this from the context clues of it being in a montage with kissing, hickey giving and titty sucking <3 but no we will not show it <3" LIKE HELLO? I SAW A NAKED BOOBIE BUT NOT TWO MEN KISS??? HUH????????

also, dizzee and thor were both fucking high as hell during this bit like this isnt a terrible thing but it's also like sometimes you do shit when you're high that you wouldnt do sober and they just never kissed again on screen so like?? like idk that's not that bad but it does kinda irk me since they deadass got no other on screen intimacy after that unless you including painting on eacher other or sleeping next to each other on a shitty mattress but not touching at all during it bc they were both at opposite ends of the mattress like half way off it

so yeah, that was trash. then we got lack of development, which kinda goes with the "dizzee being a bisexual but he never says it in canon" thing cause like...okay dizzee was already sort of a side character from the get go like he wasnt the mc by any means, but he became way more of a background character as things continued until we basically only saw him for performances or when he was with thor, yet they got no fucking development as a pairing other than "dizzee realize he gay, he like thor, he and thor spend time together and ig probably do some gay stuff but we dont really know bc we only ever see them do graffiti together now" like?? tf am I supposed to do with that shit. answer. quickly. and then theres dizzee not being confirmed bisexual, which is just a running problem with shows literally doing everything to say a character is bi except for having the character just...say they're bi? which would be so easy? like a good way dizzee and thor couldve had some development is by thor teaching dizzee things about the queer community that he didnt even know existed, thor couldve helped him understand what being bi meant and helped him label himself and whatnot but instead we got an off screen confirmation that the writers had bisexual in mind when writing him. which is garbagé.

the whole thor and dizzee never having a confirmed relationship status is also a development problem cause like literally nobody knows if they were just friends who made out, maybe fucked, who knows, or if they were dating bc dizzee does give a love confession but a love confession doesn't mean there is a relationship, especially since thor didn't say he was in love either (as far as I remember, I could be wrong, plus whether or not that really happened or was apart of dizzee literally overdosing during a performance is unclear so 🤪)

and now for the biggest issue...bury your gays trope.

during the season 2 finale, dizzee and thor are chased by cops after they are found doing graffiti, one of the cops is able to catch thor while the other chases dizzee into a train tunnel and there is a train seen headed straight for him before the show cuts to black on a train horn. the show writers claim that if they had gotten another season, dizzee wouldve been alive but since they didnt and since that's essentially super fan trivia knowledge, most people dont fucking know that and instead had to watch a black queer teenager chose death over being fucking arrested by a white cop. on top of that, thor didnt see any of that shit because he was caught and the cop started hauling him off while dizzee was still being chased so thor literally has no clue where his friend/possible boyfriend fucking is or that he's likely dead in a goddamn tunnel all alone, unless you count the fucking pig that chased him in there who wouldve died too. this shows rep was so fucking good as far as most shows go on not having major fucking problems, on not being toxic and over sexualized, etc, etc. and then they just. killed a black queer teenager for no fucking reason. like it was literally the last episode ever, it would add nothing to the plot, it would just devastate fans and devastate it fucking did. I dont cry easy but seeing a character I identified with, who I had hyperfixated on, die because he'd rather that than be arrested is terrible. it fucking sucked.

so yeah. that's my all too extensive thoughts/analysis on the get down's queerness. theres definitely stuff I missed, or misinterpreted, or looked too much into, etc, etc., but this was a fun thing to spend time writing sooo yeah!! thanks for the ask anon, sorry this was just a big rambley info dump, but hopefully you get some enjoyment out of it since it took like 3 hours at least 😭😭 feel free to ask clarifying questions lol

#shit self #asks #the get down #mylene cruz #shaolin fantastic #dizzee kipling #long post #analysis #info dump #idk if anon has seen tgd or is just being nice so i tried givinh background to things #kinz #bangerz #discourse

[ana-recovery-positivity]

hey im really struggling right now and your blog is very comforting so i wanted to talk to you. i was restricting a lot last summer-winter but i never got to be underweight and i mostly recovered without any official help. now im baisically average weight for my height and i eat pretty normally. but my thoughts are constantly telling me that id be prettier/better/more valid/etc. if i ate less and lost weight. and i feel guilty about eating almost every time i eat. my signals for when im hungry or full feel broken and im hungry almost all the time but feel bad after eating. i spend way too much time thinking about food and trying to decide what to eat. and i feel so negative about my appearance all the time. i dont think i have an ed and never would have been diagnosed anyway. but im still suffering so much because of these thoughts. do you have any advice?

basically, recovery means rewiring your brain and unlearning all the rules that the disordered thoughts have put in place. and, well, the first step of recovering from those thoughts/behaviours is acknowledging that it’s an issue and making the conscious decision to conquer it. so good news is, you’ve ticked off that box all on your own.

the first piece of advice i like to give is to reach out for support from someone in your life that you trust. even just talking about it and knowing that you have someone to lean on when it gets tough can make the whole process a lot easier, since being stuck in this situation is often a very lonely and isolating thing.

to break food rules, you can do it in small steps, like set a goal for yourself each day. for example, eat one fear food per day and as you get used to it add more. the more you break the same rule, the easier it will become each time, because only doing it once isn’t conquering the fear. another example would be to add one snack to your day, or up the portion size of one meal, and once again as you get used to it increase little by little.

my tips about regaining hunger cues are to try and stay in the moment while you’re eating. like, if you’re used to being on your phone or watching tv or anything like that, turning it all off and sitting with yourself while you’re eating could be beneficial. that’ll help you be more aware of how you’re feeling instead of sort of zoning out and suddenly having eating past the point of fullness. i also suggest you check in with yourself frequently before, during and after you eat to familiarize yourself with how going from hungry to full feels for you in steps and then being able to pick out the point where you actually feel satisfied.

as for trying to decide what to eat, sometimes there’s more than one food item that we’re craving but we feel like we can’t have all of them... but we can. there’s nothing wrong with choosing more than one thing if that’s what you want- even if they seem like an odd paring. that’s just another one of those arbitrary rules that the disordered thoughts made up, and another opportunity for you to go against them and free yourself from them. another reason why making a decision is sometimes hard is just because it feels like there are too many options. the thing is, you have to remember that all those options are still going to be there next time you have to decide. that means you can choose one thing this time, another the next, and so on. your choice isn’t set in stone forever, if that makes sense.

lastly, and probably the hardest part, is refuting the promises that the thoughts make of being prettier/more valid/etc if you listen to them. to put it simply, those are complete lies, and your worth is not based on your weight. you don’t look at your friends and base what you think of them on the way their body looks, so why would you deserve to be judged that way? instead, remember that your body is basically just a vessel for what you’re really made up of- your personality, your dreams, your memories, the qualities that your loved ones see in you. and also, remember that the most important thing about that vessel isn’t what it looks like, but what it does for you. it allows you to run, dance, travel, laugh, see the world.

i hope some of that was helpful <3 <3 <3

#ask #recovery #ed recovery tips

[mbti-notes]

Im ISTP dude and I like this INFJ girl. Shes my friend but I like her more than that. I told her already and asked her out. She didn't reject me but thing is her answer is vague as hell. First she asked why I like her and I told her honestly that shes pretty and smart but she didnt react more than a nod. Then when I ask if she wanna be my girlfriend she said 'okay but can it be a trial period first'. I assumed its a yes so we started going out but its very weird. (1)

[con’t: It gets even more difficult to understand her and shes start asking me questions about my perspective on love and start warning me about her loving differently than other people and I might not like it and stuff like that. She also seems to be assessing me somehow? I dont know. Like shes trying to judge something about me. I dont think shes playing me or anything cause we always do things fair. She insists we split the bills on everything when we go out and she never demand anything so thats cool. We also spend time together like before. Its just very weird cause she seems more guarded around me and more jumpy and colder than usual even though shes still nice to me and all. Is this normal for INFJs? Maybe she doesnt actually like me? But then why did she agree? I mean we have same interests and we seem to have fun together so I dont understand whats wrong. Should I continue this or just go back to being friends? I like her a lot but I dont wanna waste time on relationship that goes nowhere.]

Note that you can’t improve the quality of a relationship until both people are equally committed to the task. Relationships flourish through skillful communication:

1) Self-Awareness: Be fully aware of your needs, wants, and criteria for relationships. Take full responsibility for your end, so that you do everything in your power to promote relationship success, and then the rest is up to her. It’s important that you are able to communicate clearly and honestly about what’s happening with you, including what you think is going wrong for you and why. If you can’t even make your needs and problems known to your partner, then you’ll never really know each other well enough to get any needs met.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re putting the whole situation onto her shoulders, as though you have no say in the matter. Whether you stay or leave is your decision to make, based on your evaluation of the relationship and whether it’s what you really want. If a relationship makes you unhappy/dissatisfied, why stay? You’re the one feeling the problem, which means that it’s up to you to instigate a process of resolution. 

People usually stick it out through the down times in a relationship because they have a hopeful vision of what the relationship could become. You have a hopeful vision because you’re talking about how the current situation isn’t meeting your expectations. But what are your expectations? You say that you have fun together, why isn’t that enough? What’s missing for you exactly? Without enough awareness of yourself and being able to verbalize the problem that you’re experiencing, it’s hard to find a solution.

2) Intimacy: A relationship grows deeper over time through honest, attentive, and respectful communication. Talk about what you like, dislike, desire, hope for, etc, with each other, often. Gradually, you both become a better partner as you learn how to adjust your behavior to better suit the other’s needs. The process of becoming more intimately acquainted requires time and energy to learn new things and apply the ideas successfully. You have to be patient and put in the effort to have difficult conversations whenever necessary to grow your knowledge and understanding of each other.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re making assumptions rather than communicating. You’re merely guessing that she’s trying to do this or that, and you end up whipping yourself into paranoia. “Assuming”, aka trying to be a mindreader, is very destructive to relationships because it causes misunderstanding. Relationships require trust, so take people at their word, and when you can’t, talk about why you can’t and solve the problem through communication. Don’t stew in negative feelings and allow them to turn into ugly conspiracy theories.

By saying that she wants a trial period, she’s basically telling you that she’s interested but not ready for a full commitment. If you’re not happy with her position, then you have a choice to make: Either respect that her pace is slower than yours and be patient, or decide that you want something faster/different and leave for greener pastures. She’s already been honest and upfront with you, the ball is now in your court about whether you accept the terms she’s proposed. If you accept, then FULLY accept.

By asking plenty of questions about your perspective, she is making an effort to get to know you better, specifically, to understand why you want to be in the relationship and whether you two are ultimately compatible. You hardly know each other at the start of a relationship, so she is indeed trying to size you up, such that she can make a well-informed decision once the trial period ends. If you don’t like people getting to know you in depth, then you’re never going to get far in any relationship. She obviously is the kind of person that needs to prepare and study situations carefully before diving in. If you don’t like that, then you are free to choose someone who doesn’t require as much preparation and observation time (this is a common J vs P difference).

3) Collaboration: Whenever either party feels unhappy or dissatisfied with something in the relationship, it is their responsibility to bring it up with the partner. When your partner brings a problem to you, it is your responsibility to listen carefully to what it is they need from you. Only then can you resolve problems maturely, together. If it is determined that your partner is capable of better meeting your needs, then make a reasonable request of them to do so. Talk openly about what should be changed in the relationship to make it more fulfilling for both parties, and implement a plan to make those changes. Keep tabs on progress made over time.

You have not succeeded in this step because you’re not being upfront about your negative experience of the relationship and what more you need from it. This means that you’re not giving her the opportunity to collaborate with you. If you don’t talk about how you feel, she’ll never know, and the change that you want won’t happen.

By talking about the way that she “loves differently”, she’s communicating something about her needs and expectations. She’s giving you an opportunity to know her better, such that you can collaborate with her to fulfill her needs. If she’s inexperienced, she may not yet know every little thing that she’s looking for in a relationship. But the most important thing is that she’s trying to communicate about it, which means it’s up to you to listen and respond appropriately. If you have no interest in getting to know her and what kind of partner she’s looking for, then there’s no reciprocity in the relationship. Are you only in it for yourself?

By asking you why you like her, she may be signalling some self-esteem issues (”I don’t know if I can do this”) and/or self-worth issues (”Maybe I don’t deserve this attention/love”). Healthy Fs are sensitive people, which means that they feel things very deeply. The deeper they feel, the more deeply they will be hurt, if things don’t work out. Therefore, it is likely that she is hesitant to dive in because she’s trying to stay in control and protect herself from getting hurt (this is typical of FJs). Forcing someone to leave their comfort zone before they are ready to is a recipe for drama and conflict. The most you can do is encourage her to open up, by providing an emotionally supportive, cooperative, and non-judgmental atmosphere to express how she really feels. Without a positive social atmosphere, FJs won’t open up. She’s moving at a pace that’s comfortable for her, which includes pulling back whenever she feels uncomfortable. Be sure to clarify whether it’s her own issue or whether you’re doing something to make her uncomfortable - don’t just assume. If you don’t like her “guarded” approach, then you are free to choose someone who is more open and carefree (you are navigating a common J vs P difference).

If you like someone a lot, it means that you’re willing to put in effort for them? You have every right to decide how much effort you’re willing to put in. The relationship is still in its early stages and you won’t lose much by ending it now. However, don’t forget that there’s a lot you can do to be better at relationships, mainly by addressing any behavior that hurts rather than helps relationships to progress.

#istp #istp relationships #relationships #commitment #communication #social skills #intimacy #collaboration #ask

[savnofilter]

TW: MENTIONS OF DISCOURSE, GR//MING, P/D/PHILIA, ASS//LT, C//NSENT, D//RK CONTENT.

- this isnt under a read more because i want people to read this, but please read past this/tread carefully if you cannot handle such topics. this is not meant to be interacted with.

I'm not sure how to really go about this. I've been overthinking if I should address this and bring up some stuff while I've been gone, so sorry the absence. I deleted the tumblr app a few days ago and I downloaded it again today so i could post this. I really don't like making posts like this because it cuts the vibe that I've been trying to portray that everything is okay and it makes me feel really disconnected to you guys. I am sorry for the abrupt absence and cutting off any source of communication between us. I knew if I left any form of direct line of talk to me that I would receive hate and I just mentally decided that I cant sit through being harassed right now.

Have you guys ever paid attention to the same people who always have a statement to say or is always in discourse? It's very telling how everyone can post about me, but I shouldnt dare post about them. I'm tired of not being able to post about what I want without people vague posting about me, bringing me up every time they start another discourse with another writer or directly talking about me. My days on here are starting to feel the same. Its good then it goes bad. Good goes bad and bad goes good. It's not even tiring, annoying, or angering -- its repetitive. When I'm not saying anything people create fake stories about me, and when i speak about it im the one starting discourse. Don't get me wrong, I'm nowhere near perfect and I have made my own mistakes. But why the fuck am I always being told to be the mature one, why am I the one who should've done better, why do you people expect so much from me. It's the fact people are always quick to say, "no one cares about you, youre fishing for attention" when they're the ones who vague and interact with me while ive been minding my business for months now. Hm. The fact people have me proudly blocked but still harass me anyways shows a lot about themselves than it does for me. How its such an issue that im a minor until it comes to demonizing, tearing down my character, gaslighting, lying and bullying. I'm a literal example of how their friend group manipulates their followers and exiles people from fandoms for not kissing their ass. except now its in your face.

Consider this my last post about this discourse. I'm not going to waste my time on people who fail to digest other peoples thoughts and opinions time and time again because theyre weak narcissists. If I so choose to decide to shit post my opinions or argue with someone, none of you should be aggravated or moved by it because youre not even supposed to be on my page. If its not something serious i will not be wasting energy that i can be using to build on myself as a growing person than on miserable old ladies that have to use fanfiction to have excitement in their pity, depressing and lackluster lives. If people so do choose to create stories or vague about me, I do not care. So I ask respectfully to people who do lurk on my page to not attempt to message, post or vague about me please. This includes sending anons to yourself to make shit happen.

Past that, something got me thinking. My (older) friend had showed me screenshots of adult writers (no one i have spoken to) that were very excited to write underaged reader with adult characters. There are other instances where writers (that you have probably read from) on here openly made reader underage while aging characters up as adults/with adults. There are many more but there's really no point in listing them nor do I really care. But least to say, the same people who are gung-ho over these pedophilic themes/stories are the same people who support predatory people.

I've been thinking about whether or not i should continue writing for the students anymore. Granted, I still think they're attractive because one snap of the fingers cant stop that. I had been teetering on this thought for awhile because of how borderline pedophilic the people are here towards my age group. I enjoy writing but not to the point of willingly being in a straight line of sight where people who are well over 16 are harassing me and lurking on my page, especially to other minors solely because they are my friends. Backtracking to the statement before, I honestly dont know if I will either stop writing or just for the students as a whole. It shows that clearly some people are using their attraction to teens with the excuse that the characters are fake. The rapid normalization on dark problematic "kinks" is disgusting and vile, and the fact that its discourse now to shame said interests is appalling. Concluding that combined with my experiences here, i feel unsafe.

***(TRIGGER WARNING)*** I dont talk about my personal life on here that much cause I dont see the need too nor do i think its anyone's business. Paired with the fact that the people i have trusted personal information with have used it against me, I will be preventing myself from opening that door. Besides that for now, I have sparsely shared I've been assaulted before. This is my first time really opening up about this and i kind of find it necessary now. Coming from someone who has been a victim of assault and CP by people my age and well over, writing nsfw has been the only way where I could feel comfortable with sex in general. I won't get into details because mentioning this is triggering already and can make people uncomfortable. It feels like anywhere I go, I'm constantly putting myself in a position to be abused. The same people who told me I didn't have to worry about my age and be judged for it, exposed the minimum comfort of keeping myself private online to demonize, judge and hurt me. People call me "extra" for being distraught about my face and age being posted because they think im trying to be sneaky which isn't the case. Its the principle that they KNEW I wasnt ready to share said things, and coming from someone who is inherently a private and closed person, she knew damn well what she was doing when posting screenshots of me on Tumblr. There is no excuse for it. The same writers who write dub/non-con can BARELY understand basic consent and its fucking terrifying. This site was the only other place I could cope without being criticized. To see people who some i was close to proudly lie on my name, (adults) say that i sent them pornographic content without their consent is so very hurtful. To watch people supposedly be victims and then use their own trauma to invalidate my own was so fucking humiliating, disgusting and nerve wracking. Although I knew I made the terrible decision to interact with stories, I have never initiated any NSFW discussion with anyone in DMs unless they did it with me first and a few times -- and trust me raise your hand I'll show you the proof. I was sure that everyone I talked to regularly knew that I was a minor, and to my general consensus, people were under the impression I was 15/16 (which I was and am).***

Whether it be victim blaming from the grooming discourse, I've been met with racism, harassment towards my friends, people wanting me to harm myself and be assaulted. I fear what will happen when i will turn 18, if the harassment will escalate and what not. A big part of me is that I'm still here anyways because it pisses people off and I don't care when I receive hate. I can take it but I don't want it. A good conscious of me knows that I should be doing what's best for me but at the end I'm still attached to my ego-self with the added fact that I sincerely enjoy interacting with my followers and posting stories.

I just don't know how the options look. I'll probably be updating my blog rules as of right now. I've been writing more sfw lately because of this and it'd be nice if you guys supported those until I properly decide. I still have plenty of requests of a bunch of characters (mostly Bakugo and Dabi) and original stuff (all sfw & nsfw) that I really wanna share with you guys. But I just ask that what I do modify that you will respect it like you would to any other writer on here.

Stay safe, keep your mask on, and thank you.

#discourse #tw discourse #tw: discourse #sav talks

[prismhibiscusrosemary]

the owl house characters described by my friend @thelostbiscuits who has never seen toh(all this was over text and i copied it word for word btw): the bold is me noting significant things in the conversation

luz: enby lesbian uhhh theyre probably assertive, confident, painfully gay, lives off of strawberry uncrustables and peace tea they’re nice tho

king: what is the dog doinnn he and enby lesbian are friends, he's comedic relief, pretty chill eda: you thought you could just show me catras grandma and get away with it catra but shes old and tired? willow: she is baby, she isnt that smart but she tries and we love her- very nice :)) she cares about people

gus: he's friends with glasses chick(willow), he also cares a lot but he gets into a lot of trouble amity: oh i know her too because your gay ass reblogs all their ship art shes gay for enby lesbian (lmao they aren’t wrong). she's tough but like you get to know her and shes not that tough? tsundere but not anime lol. OH i feel like shes like pearl from su a little bit lilith: okay first of all im in love with them. she's serious- basically a trad goth girl from the 90s, chill but takes no bs viney: hmMMmMmmm mom vibes, probably gives really good advice. i cant think of much else for her ooP- she looks exactly like my stepmom sjhdfh- jerbo: he reminds me of greg heffley but idk are hints allowed HDJKD- (i gave them the hint of “plants vs zombies” at this point lol) hmmmmmmm i feel like he's a closeted bi. just gives off those vibes, also kind of a nerd? he might be really smart. he might also just be a straight guy that im looking too deep into the soul of i cant tell barcus: what is the dog doingggg (i told them he’s a witch on the boiling isles hoping it’d clear it up a bit and it kinda worked) prophet cat hyena dog,,,,, im thinking he's pretty wise is he friends with blue haired bisexual queen(lilith)? i feel like he might be (i told them he’s friends with jerbo and viney) oh i see that! wait are they siblings?? (i said no they’re classmates) and they were classmates edric: bro he has to be related to blue haired queen(lilith) uhhhh just judging on the face smug as all hell. annoying but we love him anyways emira: why the fuck do they all look related uhhHhhHHHHhh (i told them that ed and em are siblings) she's giving me very much older sister vibes (which she probably is older than teal haired boy(edric)), confident, has her shit together (i told them ed and em are twins) hmmm she might be mischevious too but a little less so than the dude

boscha: evil >:D she's kind of like the one princessy villain from the power puff girls, maybe kind of pretentious, the others really do try to be her friend tho hooty: HAH- how do i even judge him hes just. he. uhhhhhh he baby honestly, i love him a lot principal bump: god that man is so fucking dusty uHHHhHHHhh salad fingers but a man- "i cRaVe rUsTy sPoOns". he's staring into my soul im sorry i can't rate him ive been stunned to my core (it was at this point that i lost my shit and started cackling into my pillow) look at his fucking finger omg emperor belos: “👁👁” as a,,,, being?????? what is it?????????and like,, theyre super mysterious. i love how we started off with like soft characters and we've descended into purgatory with salad fingers and the grim reaper

mattholomule: oh cool neville longbottom uhhhhh he is also dusty, you wouldnt know him but he kind of reminds me of upchuck from daria(for context i haven’t watched daria). i dont trust him he looks like he would steal my money. the hair is what gave me neville (i told them i thought they’d say he looked like a child drug dealer) HE DOES LMAOOOO- kikimora: oh look its me we are soul siblings i relate uhhhh theyre like a little rat but not in a bad way,,, scuttle-y and kind of quiet warden wrath: WHAT THE HELL DUDE,,,,,,,, LMAOOO NOT A WHOLE ASS PLAGUE DOCTOR THAT COULD FIT INTO A HORROR MOVIE how do i eVEN RATE H- i cant even s e e them,,, what do they even do does he even go here? OH he works for grim reaper guy (i confirmed this) does he kill people for him that would be cool (i told them he does occasionally and that he runs a prison) wow i-

tibbles: he's a merchant :)) pretty good salesman HE'S A CAPITALIST PIG HAHA  but yeah he's good at his job and nice owlbert: The Owl Of The House.he is small but he knows things, many things (i asked if that was it) ,,,, yes he has seen many tragedies

the bat queen: WHAT THE HELL IS THAAAAT (i legit just said “the bat queen”) NO FUCKING WAY THIS IS THE SAME DAMN SHOW LMAOOOOO evil ass goth humpty dumpty she would kick your ass and that concludes @thelostbiscuits‘s summary of the owl house lmao

[macklives]

session 92 end (bye 413...)

this session was so long but so fucking hectic what the fuck

im going to try and slim it down to its bare essentials rather than go on a full rant because im pretty sure i want to make a post later on about vriska’s characterisation (not anything about me liking her/disliking her, just an analyse on her life really, so it wont be too bias because thats not the point of an analysis. i also want to do one on aradia, been meaning to for a while... hmm... damn i havent done much analogies lately, and i THINK the last long post on a character i made was about davesprite??? so its been a fucking while. that being said, ill leave a lot of details out for this end of session notes so i dont just repeat myself later on. rather will keep to plot points here and then make character points in another)

alright

first we had a page or two where aradia confided in nepeta about her being dead which means nepeta is the only one to know this revelation. im pretty sure aradia confided because there was no other way around it, since nepeta was her server player, so it was inevitable. either way, aradia still put her trust in nep, which means, if you think about it, nobody else knows and nobody else ever will. and considering aradia asked nep to keep it a secret, it probably wont get explored by others until MAYBE later on, whenever its plot relevant, so everyone will be in the dark about it for a while which ill have to remember for future dialogue and scenes with aradia in them

then we met vriska

which, yes, is a meme. i may not have been on a lot of fandom platforms, but you cant escape some of the stuff that goes around the internet. even if you dont know undertale, im pretty sure you know of sans. or komaeda if you have/havent seen danganronpa. its just.. the memes, ya know? ive heard from many sources of the “vriska did nothing wrong” quote (even through mbmbam which??? WHAT) but since i didnt even know what it meant, i never explored it so then i never knew it was a homestuck thing. imagine my surprise...... i think even at the time, i wouldnt have known what homestuck was either honestly so it wouldnt even matter. i only recently learned about the fandom.... uhh, maybe half a year ago??? yeah, august, so my knowledge was slim but vriska is a thing ive heard before, which still shocks me

goddammit

anyways back to her

so her intro was something, we pretty much found out she likes DnD (a FANATIC in fact) and feeds her lusus the flesh of living trolls. which is fucked up. but i wont get too much into detail about that until i make a post about her life on alternia and the consequences of such. or maybe just alternia in general...?? or *both* heheheh but i feel i need more information before i go off on a tangent about that

then we met??? white text dude?? who is a major asshole but an asshole with insults that hURted, to think i felt bad for VRISKA when that happened. woah.

i said before, but... karkat, he cant really hit deep because his insults are just HIM and his way to express himself. like some people find it natural to just go “FUCK YOU” to show emphasis on a point, and thats just karkats way. he may do it so aggressively that it takes you a second to realize what he said, but usually i dont take anything to heart whenever he spurts out some insults. ive progressed to the point where whatever he says, is just “karkat” and not him trying to be actively mean. rather, its now funny whenever he does say anything SOMEWHAT creative, dude has an imagination that goes on for miles

but vriska?? she IS trying to be a bully, you can tell. but i feel theres something much more to that. like shes trying to prove herself and her “blueblooded” demeanours or whatever the hierarchy is. she doesnt want to show emotions so she makes herself a barrier by being mean is what i can gather from her conversation with kanaya. im pretty sure youre not supposed to understand her until its pointed out and rather see her as an “antagonist” at first, but yeah, her insults are more pitiful than anything and i also cant take her too seriously. i may not like her as a person but her character is interesting because you cant always have the goodie two shoes as the protags. it doesnt diversify the characterisation so i like vriska as someone who makes the plot work and it becomes more interesting since you have someone that makes it harder for the main crew to progress. a happy-go-lucky adventure with no trouble and no turnabouts would be boring in a way. so having a character like vriska, or like this new white text guy, it makes you stop for a second and realize oh shit okay, here’s where shit CAN go wrong and WHY. and i do especially like it when these bastards of characters somehow have more depth than being the “bastard characters”. kinda humanizes them in a way. doesnt mean you have to LIKE them continuously, but theyre humans (trolls whatever) in the end and every person has their own story whether its for better or for worse

for example, i like her being placed into the story, along with white text, by how its all leading to this “accident” and is slowly showing us hints on what happened, but in the end, it wont be until later that we know the full story. even if it was in the past, it apparently is very vital to the plot and shapes how the characters act in the future, so important aspects like that are to look out for. and usually they only occur when theres been some trouble within friend dynamics. so without these bastard of characters, plot wouldnt grow AS strong and i often keep that in mind when i explore a story.

anyways, I HAD A POINT TO THIS: so vriska and karkat are characters who are yes, mean, but it seems to be their personality, and the way they either show emotions and convey feelings (karkat) or make a barrier so they DONT show emotions to produce vulnerability (vriska), white text guy seems to mostly be out to be an asshole. he told vriska she was useless to sum it up but im not too sure if this is one of those “first dialogue” to mould out a bias opinion before we even get to the character themselves, but judging by how vriska and karkat played out, he surely means something bad and i dont know how to explain it. but i cannot base anything off from one piece of dialogue. i dont even know what else to call him other than white text guy so...... ill just leave that out for now, until we finally get his introduction

though, i do wish to mention, and will expand on, im not wrong when i say karkat and vriska are similar but in different context. sorry if youre favourite is karkat and you dont like vriska, or vice versa, but uhhhh their introductions are so similar its uncanny and the way they’re portrayed is the same except one is more on crack about the meddling, while the other is angry about the meddling. similar to how it was with karkat, we were introduced to vriska talking with someone we knew (tavros) whom she obviously didnt like, so obviously, from her point of view, she wanted to be menacing. like how karkat was menacing to jade because she wouldnt listen to his point... he got angry, so he lashed out. but us, the readers, didnt know that. we thought “oh god its this asshole” until we made it further in the story and started to warm up to karkat. it may not be the same with vriska, she may be a bully regardless, but you cannot tell me we moulded a bias towards her character as we did when we first read karkat. theyre both truly mean to other people, maybe both for different reasons, but i do want to point out the similarities and not leave that out. im pretty sure andrew basically gave us a conversation that formed our opinion of a character right off the bat rather than go into depth of WHY they did it, and how they are naturally without the conditions of the game. which, you can also see with vriska when she conversed with kanaya. andrew started off with a character who only appears to speak once, and makes you judge them from first appearance alone, without any explanation as to why they said what they said and how they are with other characters, let says. so you assume they were simply a rude character. now look how karkat turned out. so im guessing in homestuck, the first impression should never be the opinion you stick with until MAYBE 5 more conversations with that character (each one different)

OKAY done with the vriska introduction, now to slutquius

yes, hes kinda weird, i have stated that many times. i have no idea what to say about him other than he likes porn, he likes centaur dick which just so happens to be his lusus as well and if that isnt a red flag idk what is

he also likes his lusus milk, right from the udders of his guardian

fun times, fun times

my opinion of equius kinda.. differs. which i should really put in place the “dont judge by first impression” rule, because at first i thought he was rude with, then i thought he was hhh okay, because i understood why he was being so protective over nepeta and her team placement, since the people she was going to play with WERE dangerous. but if you think about it, both sides will probably put you in danger. it just depends on which ones you confide in more to protect your back rather than those which would cause trouble on purpose, in my HONEST opinion. so equius was a little overdramatic on that part, but i got what he meant. he was on the blue team and he didnt want to leave nepeta alone without him on the red. but then this session happened. and he went back to being weird again because of the whole porn thing, especially being so open about it like dude chill youre 13. but the thing is, then i felt bad for him because hes basically touch starved. to say that he could break anything he touches, i doubt people would go up to him for hugs. in fear they would be crushed to death by a simple hug. so im guessing hes rather lonely and doesnt really know how to interact because of this. so i felt sad that he had to live a life where he needs to be careful of everything he touches so it doesnt break randomly. see? poor dude. but then things got weird. and im pretty sure hes a masochist. so my opinion on equius is a fucking cosine graph

which brings us to the final point:

gamzee and equius’ conversation

i dont even know.....like.........gamzee was unaware that equius was using him for his own power play roleplay, right? gamzee knew it was a roleplay but it had had some.. idk.... obvious sexual implications? and i bet gamzee didnt really know that? he thought they were only venting out through a simple roleplay and trying to get closer because he originally thought equius hated him, considering equius flat out said “i hate you” and gamzee went “you tell me everyday and im okay with that” so.. gamzee probably wanted only to get closer to equius so he helped out his little problem which.. thats so sweet but i feel bad he was coerced into something he didnt get, especially since he was innocent enough to go along without knowing equius’ true gain

anyways, equius was getting off with the hierarchy thing. considering he’s “lower” than gamzee, and gamzee is surprisingly ...high on the spectrum??? so equius wanted gamzee to boss him around, because it felt only natural to him since he’s the “inferior one” and gamzee is The Big Man. like i get that, but it was written in a way that was so uncomfortable, that i wish i didnt. equius is just a weird character... hes not BAD per say, but hes... hes something alright

but im really liking gamzee. the two things which struck me in that one conversation, was the “i dont get why we should dictate people by the colour of their blood, i just see people as people” piece of dialogue and “i cant go around pleasing just everything so its alright if you hate me”

thats... so good, idk. i really liked that. i also really liked when kanaya said “youre dangerous but dangerous people are needed and are important because it shapes you” like <33 my fucking heart

god homestuck may be a tad on the weird side with some of its characters but it surely knows how to create great lines of dialogue

and that concludes the long 4 hour session i did, hope you all enjoyed it

with that, i rest

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #hs92 #hs92 end #i wrote more than i should have but i had a lot to say #just you wait for those analogy/analysis posts

[insert-some-nice-emo-pun]

this is about the lynz drama

i didnt wanna write this post

when this shit first started i told myself im not gonna say anything about it cause a)i hate drama in any form and b)no one cares about my opinion

but today i got so fed up with everything ive seen on twitter that here we are

im just gonna kind of explain what happened and share my opinion i guess? and feel free to share yours in the comments as long as you respect other people

so everything pretty much started when someone asked lynz about people accusing jimmy urine of sexual assault

(first of all why would they ask lynz?like i know theyre in the same band but still shes not responsible for his actions)

her responese mightve indeed seem strange, like she was defending herself tho nobody attacked her and it overall felt kinda off

then the whole argument started (most of the tweets are deleted now so its kinda hard to find out what exactly happened)

so first thing im gonna adress is how everyone seems to be "cancelling" her for saying you shouldnt believe victims, but what i understood after reading all of her tweets was that she said always believe victims unless you know theyre a manipulative liar and i think theres actually nothing wrong with saying this? please correct me if you think im wrong but i dont really find this problematic (the tweets are at the end of the post!)

i know that the first tweet, the only one that isnt deleted seems really off and she defo couldve answer better and you can critize her for this but i think she thought the person who asked her was reffering to smth jessicka said which kind of explains everything

jessicka has been saying messed up things about lynz for years, so i think we can understand why she reacted in this way

now why dont i believe anything jessicka says?

because she always talks how she has "a proof" that lynz said/did smth but she never actually shows that proof

even now, when lynz mentioned her in one of her tweets she responded yelling about the proof but didnt actually say anything new

one thing ive learned while being in different fandoms and stuff is never believe that someone said/did something unless you have a video of them doing so or they confirmed it on their offcial account on social media

if she really had the proof, why dont just show it to people?

now the second big thing that happened was the whole family thing

people have been talking about her family situation for years (im more of a new fan so i wasnt here back then so please correct me if i make a mistake here or anywhere in the post)

what we knew before is that she cut off her mother and sister - she didnt want to talk to them nor send them money

her sister claimed it was because they arent rich or famous

now scroll all the way down again to see the tweets

her mum and sis recorded a video responding to this

now this is totally subjective opinion of mine, but i got really bad impression from watching their vid and things they said later on twitter (search for amy greene on twitter, youll find everything there)

now you can believe me or not, but i have experience with this kind of family situations

my opinion on the subject is that when it comes to family problems no ones really innocent but sometimes things get so messed up that you shouldnt really judge people based on that

we basically get two sides of the story, and i believe that both of them probably got some things right, but im gonna stay on lynzs side

i 100% understand cutting off fanily memebrs, even as close as your mother and after watching this video i felt really sorry for lynz (again its just my opinion, but the things they both said about lynz reminded me so much of the situation from my family)

ive seen a lot of people bringing up that they said nice things about gerard, so they must be telling the truth because if they wanted fame theyd go after him instead or smth like this

i disagree with this opinion because its once again a behavior i know

noone said anything about gerard before

the whole thing was only about lynz

so why would they even bring him up?

well imo if their intentions were clear they wouldnt say anything about him at all, because what for?

if they said anything bad about about him all of the fans would attack them, get mad, and maybe not believe the rest of their story, so it was in their interest not to talk shit about him

but why did they say nice things? (ITS JUST MY OPINION PLEASE IM NOT SAYING I KNOW IT) 90% of people who would watch the video are mcr fans. and what is the best way to gain someones trust? be nice to them. say nice things about their idols, interests etc, its a known trick and its really manipulative. again i dont want to accuse them but it just seemed really off to me, and it also makes lynz look even worse, like if theyre trying to say that everyone here is nice and shes the only bad person around (yet again something i know really well)

so in my opinion they only talked about g to have mcr fans take their side and if its true its really manipulative but its just my opinion and i totally understand if you dont agree with me because i have no proof for this

i think this post is coming to an end so i want to say that i believe lynz is a good person

not a saint, not perfect, but not someone we should cancel or hate on

you have a right to dislike her, i understand and respect it, same with everything i said here - i accept that you disagree, you can write me a comment about it, just please dont spread hate

i hate going on twitter and seeing all of this drama

i havent been following her for a long time, i wouldnt even call myself her fan, but ive always seen her being really nice to fans on twitter and interacting with people a lot, well ive heard people talking about her being mean to fans in the past but i couldnt really find any concrete proof (video of that happening, im sorry but i really dont believe in posts from fan accounts from years ago)but im not saying it never happened, if you have a video feel free to send it to me

i doubt anybody read all of this, but thank you anyway

also here are the screenshots i could find

feel compeltely free to share your opinion in the comments, i sure will read it but im done with this whole drama

i just needed to get this off my chest after seeing all these people going crazy on twitter, im sorry if some parts dont make sense or have any kinds of mistakes, english isnt my first language and its also really late now

#lynz #lynz way #lynz ballato #lindsey way #msi #mindless self indulgence #lynz drama #drama #mcr

[0pretty-setters-squad0]

Not a Ninja (A+S) Neji x Reader

Okie doke. Here we go. Chapter 1 of this book. This is actually my first ever Naruto oneshot ever, so don't judge too much hehe. Smutty-Chan returns in this one bc she helped me with coming up with some of this one.  Let's get on with it so yall can get your daily dose of Neji. (We're gonna make the reader and Neji 16 in this one, which is lowkey young for a smut fic, but oh well.  Then Naruto and Sasuke are 12 here, bc whatever) This one is also a pretty long story (7233 fucking words (including A/N and shit) I am so fucking sorry) because I went too far with the backstory before you get to interact with Neji bc Im an annoying bitch, but whatever I hope you read and enjoy anyways! :))

   You sat on the roof of your house, waiting for your friends to get home from training for the day.  You hated not going to train with them, but that's just the way it was.  Finally, you see the blonde haired boy running down the street towards you, a raven haired boy trailing him.

   "Y/N! Guess what!" Naruto yells at you as you jumps down from the roof landing in front of him.    "What is it?" you question, wondering what had him so excited.    "I passed Kakashi's test, I'm gonna be a ninja. Believe it!"    You knew Kakashi.  He had actually taken you under his wing.  He knew you needed it. Someone to look up to and trust.  He served as a big brother and without him, you'd probably be dead.  Knowing Kakashi, you knew what his test was.  He could be a little tough on his students which makes you worry for Naruto, but you know Naruto needed the discipline.    "I'm glad you guys passed," you said as Sasuke finally caught up, "I didn't wanna have to slap Kakashi for failing you.    You and Naruto laughed, and Sasuke even broke a smile.    "Kakashi would kick your ass," Sasuke teased you.    "Yes, I could, but I would never," Kakashi says, standing on the roof where you previously sat.    "You're gonna give someone a heart attack doing that one day," you looked up at Kakashi.    "Shut it. I actually came to tell you that your parents left for a mission earlier. Didn't know if they told you or not."    "As if they'd tell me anything," you scoff and turn around as Kakashi jumps down next to the three of you.    "I'm sorry, kid, I'm sure they were just busy."    You knew Kakashi was only being nice.  He was usually tough on you, but when it came to your parents, he knew that being hard on you would be worse and push you away.    "Yeah, sure," you knew they left without telling you because they didn't care.    "Well, I've gotta go, I have to meet someone for ramen," Kakashi said, jumping to the roof again before leaving.    You smirked, knowing he was going to go meet Iruka. Even though they'd been dating for quite sometime and they both came out a while ago, Kakashi still got all awkward when he mentioned dating Iruka.    "Y/N, I'm sorry they left without saying goodbye," Naruto comforts.    "It's fine, I could care less at this point," you shake your head as Sasuke puts a hand on your shoulder, attempting to comfort you.    You know you shouldn't complain.  So many people don't even have parents. Like Iruka, Naruto and Sasuke, for example.  You rly didn't have parents in the typical sense, though.  They were usually gone or just ignored you.  They had two reasons.  One being that you were friends with Naruto.  They were pissed because they hated him like everyone else.  You, on the other hand, saw him as human and took him in as a little brother type person.  They hated that.  The second reason was because you didn't inherit the kekkei genkai.  This also caused them to keep you from enrolling in the academy.  They thought you'd never be good enough without it.  Your brother inherited it, though.  He was nicer to you than your parents, but he was typically out on missions and official business.    He was the best thing you had.  Until he passed when the nine tails attacked.  This is another reason you didn't hate Naruto.  You wanted to show other people who lost loved ones that day that Naruto wasn't the monster they said he was.  You visited the memorial everyday, which is where you met Kakashi.  He reminded you of your brother, but he was even kinder to you, and always made time for you.  Something your brother never did.  This is why Kakashi was one of your two favorite people to look up to. The other, of course, was Iruka, who was always a kind, respectful, and loyal.  Three qualities you always found important.    "It's fine, guys, really, don't worry about me," you let them off with a small laugh.  You knew it didn't fully convince them, but it made them sure enough that they could leave to train some more.    All of a sudden, Kakashi showed up again.    "Y/n," Kakashi spoke from the roof.    You jumped up to join him.    "Were you here waiting?"    "No, I actually made it all the way to the ramen shop and sat down with Iruka before I realized I forgot to tell you something," Kakashi admitted, rubbing his neck.    "Well, then what did you forget to tell me?" you laughed at what a dork he was when nobody else was around. You were really lucky to have him.    "Your parents told me to let you know that you're going to be staying at the Hyuga's while they're gone."    "Well fuck my life."    "First off, watch the language," he scolded you like he was your parent. He basically was though, "Second, what's wrong?"    He sat down, his legs dangling off the edge of the building. You sat next to him, copying his sitting position, your legs swinging over the edge.    "You know I'm 16, right? I can cuss if I wanna," you pouted.    "Yeah, yeah, I just don't like you growing up so damn fast," he sighed, "Now what's wrong?"    "I hate the Hyuga's son. Well I don't hate him, really. He's a great ninja, strong and smart.  I want to be like that. But, he always looks down on me because I'm not a ninja."    "Well, you're just as strong as any ninja. I've been training you like I would any ninja.  While your parents didn't put you in the academy to be an official ninja of the hidden leaf, you're still one of the strongest people I know. Even without the kekkei genkai of your family."    "Really? You think so?"    "Of course I do," Kakashi reached out a hand to ruffle your hair, "You're a very strong young woman, and an even stronger ninja."    "Thank you, Kashi, it means a lot coming from you," you send him a gentle smile.    "There you two are," Iruka sighs as he looks up at you from the street.    "Why don't you join us?" you yell down.    Iruka then jumps to join the two of you on the roof.  He sits down next to you on the side opposite Kakashi.    "I heard a little of what you were saying," Iruka admitted.    You expected a lecture on how you shouldn't doubt yourself.  You weren't too far off.    "You're an excellent fighter.  In my mind, I consider you a ninja.  I call you a ninja when I talk to others about your strength.  You doubt yourself because you don't have a headband.  That's no reason to doubt yourself, you know?" Iruka put an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer and into a side hug.  You let your own arm slide around his middle, hugging him closer.    "I'm glad I have you two," you spoke to the two ninja sitting next to you, "Before you guys, I had nobody. I was completely alone.  I wanted to kill myself.  Then you two showed up and gave me hope.  Thank you for that."    Tears were now spilling from your eyes as you shoved your face into Iruka's vest.  You squeezed him even tighter, but not too tight, you didn't wanna hurt the poor guy.    "Sorry," you spoke as you pulled away and wiped you eyes, "Ninja don't cry."    Then you looked up to see Iruka sporting some teary eyes of his own, then to Kakashi who had no tears, but had a look on his face to show you that your words definitely had an impact.    "I'm so glad you didn't," Kakashi broke the silence, pulling you into another tight hug.    He then let go, allowing you to just sit there with them.   The three of you sat there in a comfortable silence for a while before you realized something.    "Hey Kakashi?"    "Yeah, kid?" he responded.    "If my parents told you to tell me that I'd be staying with the Hyuga's, then they weren't just caught up in something.  They purposely left without saying goodbye. They just chose to leave me here without saying goodbye."    Nobody spoke.  You knew Kakashi probably felt bad.    "I dont blame either of you for that.  They just hate me, nobody can change that.  I wish they'd just put me up for adoption. I mean, at least then I wouldn't deal with them."    "Well, I'd adopt you," Iruka chuckled as he ruffled your hair.    With these two constantly ruffling your hair, you had no idea how you kept it neat.    "I wish you could, then it'd be like a real family.  The three of us."    "Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn't it," Iruka agreed.    "I wouldn't exactly mind either," Kakashi also agreed, scooting over and pulling the two of you into a group hug.    You sat like that for a moment before Kakashi released the hug.    "You should get to the Hyuga's before it's too late," Kakashi said, standing and pulling you up with him.    "But Kashiiii," you whined, leaning on the silver haired ninja, "Can't I just stay with you?"    "Sorry kiddo, I've gotta talk to the hokage, then I'm off for a mission with Iruka," Kakashi sounded guilty.    "Well, I'd better get to the Hyuga's before it gets too late," you said, repeating what Kakashi said a minute earlier.    "I'll come with you," Iruka said, standing himself, "Then I'll meet Kakashi at the gate for our mission.    "Sounds good to me, Ruka," you said with a small smile.    Kakashi nodded and hugged you again with a kiss to your forehead before he leapt away towards the hokage's office.     "Shall we?" Iruka asked, offering a hand.    "We shall," you laughed, taking his hand.    The two of you jumped off the roof, heading toward the Hyuga's.    "I'm really glad that you and Kakashi are together.  I think you make him really happy," you told the man walking next to you as you could see the Hyuga's in the distance.    "You think so? I'm glad," the male said with a small blush at the mention of Kakashi.    "I think that you make him happier everyday. I've definitely noticed a change in him since you guys started dating," you smiled.    "Well thank god.  I've actually been thinking of proposing," Iruka said quietly.    "OH MY FUCKING GOODNESS YES!" you yelled.    "Y/N! Quiet! And doesn't Kakashi always tell you to watch your language?"    "Well, yeah, but I don't see Kakashi anywhere, do you?"    "I do," Kakashi said from behind you causing your eyes to go wide.    "I though you were going to the hokage," you spoke.    "Ended early, so I thought I'd catch up with you guys," he shrugged.    "What? No lecture about cussing?" you joked.    "Well, you said it yourself, you're 16, you can say whatever you want."    "Really?" You were surprised that he didn't lecture you.    "No. Now stop cussing, you're too young," Kakashi deadpanned.    "Rude," you huffed.    "Now, let's get you to the Hyuga's," Kakashi walked closer, grabbing Iruka's hand, which made the younger man blush.    "Whatever, sure. But I'm still not happy about staying there."    "Oh come on, it won't be THAT bad," Iruka told you.    "Hey Iruka, can I talk to you for a minute?"    "Sure, go ahead," Iruka said still walking.    "No I mean.  Well how do I put this? Love ya, Kashi, really do, but this is more of an Iruka and Y/N conversation," you spoke, looking at the ground.    "Okay, I'll wait here," Kakashi dropped Iruka's hand.    Iruka walked towards you as you left to stand far enough away that you were out of Kakashi's earshot.    "What's up kiddo?" Iruka said.    "Well you know one reason I don't wanna stay with the Hyuga's," you spoke quietly, just in case Kakashi might hear.    "Right, you don't like Neji because he talks down on you," he nodded, signaling you to continue.    "Well there's another reason," you spoke, a small blush growing.    "Which is?" Iruka waited for you to respond.    "Well, I may, or may not, have a small, and by small I mean huge, crush on him too," you spoke quickly, hating what you had just admitted.     "So you hate Neji?" you nodded, "But you have a crush on Neji?" you nodded again.    "Yep, that's the problem."    "Well, why do you like him?"    "I really like that he's a strong and intelligent ninja.  He's very good at whatever he does and he seems as if he'd be loyal.  Not to mention his looks, I mea-" Iruka cut you off.    "I do not need to hear you thirst over how cute you think a boy is, y/n, you're like my little sister, and I'm not sure my heart can take it," Iruka explained.    You giggled at the actions of the older man.    "Anyways, why do you not like him?"    "Well, he always reminds me that I'm not a ninja, and I can't stand it.  He reminds me of the kind of ninja I want to be, but never will."    "Maybe talk to him about it.  Tell him what's up.  Or you show him your stuff and maybe he'll back the hell off," Iruka spoke sternly.    "Wow, Ruka, getting a little heated, bud."    "I don't like when people look down on you because you don't have a headband.  You could probably kick most of their asses.  I hope you do one day."    "Okay, calm down, I'll figure it out," you pulled him into a hug, "Let's get back to Kakashi so we can leave.    "You're right, I was told that you had to be there by three, and it's already 2:30."    "Ready?" Kakashi asked as you walked back over.    "Yup,"you said, already beginning to walk.    You saw Iruka send a worried looking Kakashi a reassuring smile.  You guessed it was a silent promise that you were fine.    It seemed like you shouldn't be here yet, but time passed so quickly as you joked with Iruka and Kakashi.  Yet here you were, standing at the Hyuga's door.    "Well, kid, here we are," Kakashi spoke.    "Yeah I know," you deadpan.    Kakashi reached forward and knocked on the door.  Hiashi answered the door.    "Y/N, hello," he greeted you with a surprising warmth.    "Hi," you spoke quietly.    You turned to say goodbye to Iruka and Kakashi.  You hugged them both, allowing them to give you a kiss on the forehead.  You waved goodbye as they left.    You then turned back around to face Hiashi.    "Come in, y/n, make yourself at home," he smiled at you.    You really didn't peg him as a kind type, you assumed he'd be harsh and cold to you.  Maybe it was because you were the child of his closest friend, your father.    "Thank you, sir," you bowed before entering the house.    "Just call me Hiashi," he told you before closing the door behind you.    "Is that Y/n?" a woman called from the kitchen.    As you walked towards the voice, you found a woman who you assumed to be his wife.    "That's me," you laughed.    "Welcome, y/n, would you like something to eat, I just set out some snacks here, you're welcome to have some," she smiled kindly.    Then Neji walked in. Well shit.    You grabbed the first thing you saw without knowing what it was before thanking her and running off to find somewhere to sit outside.    As you finally sat down on a bench outside, you took a look at whatever snack you had grabbed.  It was a carrot. A whole ass carrot.  Not even like a baby carrot.      "Is that a carrot?" you hear a familiar voice ask from behind you.    "I think it's a carrot, I don't know much about carrots," you said in a mocking voice, making sure the sarcasm showed, "Just because I'm not a ninja doesn't mean I'm fucking stupid. I know what a carrot it, Neji."    "Yeah, whatever, I just wondered why when you had a whole plate of snacks to choose from, you chose the carrot that was about to be chopped for dinner."    Shit, of course you grabbed the one thing that wasn't on the fucking snack tray.    "Well, did you ever think I just like carrots?" you shrugged it off.    "I just didn't think you ate anything other than ramen with Naruto," he spoke.    "Who said I was gonna eat it?" you winked at the boy now standing in front of you.    Now, of course, you weren't gonna do anything dirty with the carrot.  That is just downright unsanitary.  Probably would cause an infection.  But you liked to tease people.  Making people uncomfortable was something you enjoyed.    He'd never admit it, but Neji's cheeks now sported a light dusting of blush due to your comment.    "Y/N, that is inappropriate," he spoke, turning away.    "Oh, come on, I'm not actually gonna fuck a carrot, Neji."    "Y/N, that still isn't appropriate," he said again.    "Well, a lot of things I say aren't appropriate, but here we are," you laughed.  Neji was your favorite person to annoy.    "Is this what you do with your time? Come up with stupid jokes to annoy people?  Is that what you do instead of training to become a ninja?"    "Neji, shut it, I've had enough. I can't stand to stay the night in the same vicinity as you while my parents are away. I'm going to ask Hiashi if I can just stay at my house instead."    "I can agree with that, I'll even help you convince him."    The two of you walked back to the house in silence.    "Excuse me, Hiashi?" you spoke to the man standing in the kitchen with his wife.    "Yes, Y/N?"    "I was wondering if I could go stay at my house while my parents are gone. I'll still come to check in with you and let you know I'm alright.  I just feel more comfortable in my own house," you spoke, nervous because he may say no.    "I agree with Y/N, she told me her feelings on the situation, and I see where she's coming from," Neji spoke up.    "I'm not so sure, I'm supposed to watch you, you're my responsibility, after all," he spoke, unsure.    "I still think you should allow her to go home if she feels she should," Neji fought for you to leave.    "Well, if you really want her to stay at her home, then you go stay with her, that way she won't be alone," Hiashi spoke towards Neji.    "I really don't think that's necessary-" Neji began.    "Too late, I've made up my mind," Hiashi spoke, "Go get your things for the next few days to accompany Y/N while her parents are gone.    "Alright," Neji walked away.    "Thank you, Hiashi," you bowed, then turning to walk to the door.    "Of course, Y/N, be careful and check in with me frequently," he told you.    "Yes sir," you walked out the door.    A few moments later, the door opened and Neji walked out with a bag of what you assumed was clothes.    You walked in silence with a grumpy Neji.    "You know I'm not too happy about this either. I didn't think he'd make you come with me."    "Whatever, too late now, let's just hurry up so it can be over," Neji spoke calmly.    It was going to be a very rough time for you.    The two of you arrived at your home.  You showed Neji to a guest room and left him to go cook dinner.  You made a simple ramen dish for the two of you, calling Neji down for dinner.    "There's your dinner, hope you like it," you said, putting the dish in front of the ninja sitting at the table.    You left to grab your own dish and two glasses of water before sitting down across from Neji and starting to eat.    "Thank you for the food, Y/N," Neji said, finishing his food and standing up to take his dishes to the kitchen.      You stopped him, now done with your own food.    "I'll get the dishes. You are my guest after all," you said with a fake smile, "You just go up and get some sleep, I'll clean."    He looked as if he were going to disagree, but shut his mouth and left anyways.    You finished cleaning and went to check if Neji needed anything before I went to bed myself.  When I knocked on his door, I got no response, so I assumed he was asleep.    You then went to your own room and got ready to go to bed, stripping to nothing but a pair of underwear and a tank top.    You laid in bed forever, tossing and turning. Not being able to sleep sucked.  Finally, after a struggle, you fell asleep.    After sleeping for a while, you woke up with a certain feeling in between your legs.  Your mind just loved having some wet dreams and leaving you to wake up feeling some kinda way.    You decided to glance at the clock, wondering if you could do what you wanted without being woken up by Neji.  You saw that it was 12:00 am.  Well, Neji would be asleep, so you figured it would be fine.    You took your hand and slid it down your body to the bottom of your tank top before pulling it over your head and throwing it across the room to the dirty clothes basket.    You then let your hand wander across your exposed skin, landing on your chest and playing with your boobs.  After teasing yourself for a while, you finally slid your hand down to where you needed it most.  You played with the waistband of your underwear, allowing yourself to pull them down your legs and off of you completely.    You took your hand and started just rubbing your fingers up and down, feeling how turned on you were.  This caused you to let out a small moan. Jesus, you had barely even touched yourself and you were already moaning.    Then you heard a knock on your door.  Shit. It was obviously gonna be Neji, he was the only person here.    You quickly covered yourself with your blankets and told him to come in.    The door opened, revealing a shirtless Neji. Oh dear god, now that you've seen him shirtless, your crush is never gonna go away.  He probably doesn't wear a shirt to bed.  You found yourself picturing his chest against yours as he pulled you in for a kiss.    Neji gained you focus by speaking.    "I thought that I heard a loud bang like someone fell, so I thought I'd come check on you."    "Oh, I heard it too, it was just the neighbor, he comes home drunk sometimes and falls on his face when he reaches his porch."    "Oh, okay."    He was about to leave and close the door when he stopped and looked back up at you.    "Are you alright, you're really flushed?" He asked, sounding genuinely concerned.    "Oh, uh yeah, I'm fine," you prayed he didn't notice your underwear on the floor.  You also hoped that if he did notice the underwear, that he didn't notice that they were fucking soaked.    As if the universe was just telling him everything you didn't want him to see, he looked down and noticed your underwear. His eyes darted from you to the underwear and back to you.    "Oh, I see why you're flushed," Neji smirked at you. He actually did something other than frown at you.  You though to yourself that you may die from seeing that damn smirk.    "It's not what it looks like," you tried to save yourself.    "Really? It isn't?" He spoke as he stepped in the room and shut the door, "because I think I know exactly what it is."    He took slow steps to your bed.  Almost teasing you.    "Nope, definitely isn't what you think," you knew this was a lost cause, but you weren't gonna give up so easily.    "Well, then, if you weren't doing what I assume you were, then lift up the blanket," he crossed his arms across his chest, the smirk still resting on his face.    "Well, I guess you've got me there, I can't lift up the blanket," you admitted to the boy in front of you.    "Well, you could always lift the blanket anyways," he took a few steps closer, eventually reaching the bed and sitting down beside you.    "What?"    "I said, you could always lift the blanket anyways.  If you don't want to, you don't have to, and I'll leave and we can ignore this, but I'd be just fine if you did lift it," he winked at you.  He was giving you an out, not pressuring you, but boy was he sexy while he was doing it.    You reached out and wrapped your hand around the back of his neck, pulling him so he was right in front of you.  He was so hot with his hair down and you were so overwhelmed. Your crush was a few inches away from you, your lips so close to touching.    He closed the distance, tired of waiting for the kiss.  You immediately let yourself melt into his touch.  You lips moved against his own and you found a steady rhythm.  A minute later you pulled away for air.    "Neji, I, wow, that was, wow," you spoke, flustered.    "I agree," he chuckled.    Oh dear god his chuckle.  You'd never heard him do anything other than be serious. His chuckle was surprising, but it was music to your ears.  He must've noticed the stupid grin on your face because he spoke up.    "What?" he looked confused.    "Nothing, your chuckle is just really cute," you admitted, looking down.    He took this as a chance to lean down and capture your lips in another passionate kiss.    Now kissing him was great, but kissing wasn't gonna cure the need between your legs. You decide to speed this up by flipping him over your body and onto the bed next to you.    "Hey Neji," you said before crawling out from under the blanket.    "Yeah?"    "Promise not to judge me.  Nobody's ever seen me like this before," you said shyly.    "Of course I won't," Neji responded, his voice becoming soft.    You then pulled the blankets off and moved to straddle the boy.    "Y/n," he whispered out.    "I knew it was stupid, forget it," you said, beginning to crawl off of him because you were afraid he didn't like the way you looked.    "Hey," he spoke as he grabbed your waist, holding you close, "where are you going?"    "I knew you'd think I wasn't pretty, I just knew it," you got insecure all of a sudden.    "You are absolutely beautiful, Y/N, your personality, your face, your body. It's all perfect to me," he let his thumbs trace patterns on your waist.    You raised your head from his shoulder to look at him.    "Really?"    "I wouldn't lie about that," he kissed you again.    He began to pull away from the kiss, but before he could you grabbed his face and pulled him into an even deeper kiss.  This kiss quickly grew heated.  You felt like you were under some sort of spell.  The way he kissed you felt unreal, it made you feel like you were loved.  You could stay here with him like this forever.    Unfortunately, you both needed some more oxygen, so you were forced to break the kiss.  You both pulled away and you rested your forehead on his.    You took this moment as a chance to grind your hips down onto his to test the waters.  Luckily for you, he seemed to enjoy the kiss just as much, so when you rolled your hips against his, you earned a deep groan.  It came from his chest and he closed his eyes, allowing his hips to buck up slightly.    "Is that okay?" you asked Neji, not wanting to push too far.    "Yeah, it's good," he was breathing a little harder than normal.    With a sudden confidence gain, you gave Neji another deep kiss before kissing your way down his body.  When you reached his waistband, you stopped and peppered his hip bones and lower stomach.  He didn't seem to mind you staying like that for a while.  After teasing his skin for a while, you brought one of your hands to his lower thigh, before lightly tracing up the inside of his leg and reaching the bottom of his shorts.      You let your hand move further up his legs, still over his shorts until you reached his prominent bulge.  You let your hand apply pressure there, causing Neji to let out another groan.  You would never get tired of hearing him sound like that.    "Y/N," he almost begged.  You didn't take Neji as much of a sub in bed, but here you were, on top of him, causing little whimpers to leave his mouth.    Deciding he had been teased enough, you finally reached to his waistband with both hands, to which he responded by lifting his hips, allowing you to take off his shorts and boxers in one go.    Now, being a virgin, you had never been in this situation before, so seeing his size took you by surprise.  You knew enough about sex to know what was supposed to happen, but knowing and doing are two different things.    Still unsure of what to do, you moved your head towards him and began to lick up and down Neji's hard member.  You decided to just go ahead and go all in, finally taking him in your mouth, lips wrapped around his head.    His hips bucked up into your mouth, which took you by surprise, but it wasn't all that bad.    "S- Sorry," Neji moaned. He clearly didn't mean to buck into your mouth like that, but you assumed that he was just enjoying it, so his hips bucked subconsciously.    You pulled off of him then, kissing your way back up his body before reaching his face again.    "It's alright," you kissed him on his lips.    As you were kissing, Neji saw an opportunity to flip you over, allowing him to hover over you.    Something about the way he was just inches away from you, his left arm holding his body above you was downright erotic.  His chest was pressed right up against yours, both of your bodies covered in a thin sheen of sweat. He let his right arm roam your body, landing at your knee and pulling your leg up around his waist, grinding against you.    The feeling of him grinding into you with no clothes was amazing, it made you see stars.    He moved his way down your body, copying your actions from earlier.  He left marks down your body, nibbling every once in a while as he lowered to where you needed him most.    The view of him in between your thighs was almost enough to cum right then and there.    "Can I?" he mumbled in between kisses to your inner thighs.    "Y- Yes, please," you breathed out.  You needed him.    He wasted no time in putting his mouth to work.  You moaned and your back arched as his tongue flattened while he licked in between your legs.  Your hands made their was to his hair and grabbed as he ate you out.    "Neji, oh god, oh please," you moaned, encouraging Neji even more.    After hearing you moan his name like that, he gained the courage to let his tongue to dip into your heat and curl up.    "Oh, god, Neji, I'm gonna, I'm gon-" you were cut off by your own moan as pleasure took over your body.    Your back arched, your grip in Neji's hair tightened, and you moaned so loud, you thought the neighbors would hear.  As your back arched, Neji's hand supported you by placing it on your lower back.    Neji kept eating you out, allowing you to come down from your high.    After you had come down, Neji worked his way back up your body, kissing you gently when he reached your lips.    "Neji, please, I just need you," you moaned, bucking you hips up so he would get the hint.    "Are you sure?" Neji asked you, rubbing against your entrance.    "Yes, please Neji," you moaned out.    With that, Neji took his time in moving in, not wanting to hurt you.    After he was fully inside you, he stopped to let you adjust.  He seemed to know what he was doing, he knew just what to do.    "Are you ready for me to move?"      "N-Not yet. It's my first time, sorry," you felt like you were taking to long to adjust.    "It's okay, and it's my first time too, so don't worry," he gave you a few gentle kisses, as if to reassure you.    After Neji had kissed you, you felt comfortable enough for him to move.    "Okay, you can move now," you spoke quietly.    "Are you sure?" God, he was so sweet, he didn't wanna hurt you.    "100%"    He then pulled out slowly before thrusting back in, gaining a stead rhythm.  The pain started to dissipate, turning to pleasure,    "God, Y/N, feels so good," Neji let out a moan as he picked up his pace.    Then, as if his mind decided to clear up all of a sudden, his hips stopped and his eyes went wide.    "What? What's wrong?" you asked worriedly.    "Condom," Neji was freaking out because he had forgot about condoms.    You giggled.    "Why are you laughing? I'm being serious."    "Because I'm on birth control for my periods," you were still chuckling slightly.    "Well, you could've told me that before now," Neji let out a breath of relief.    "Well, now you know, so could we get back to what we were doing?"    He just shook his head at how goofy you were being, before thrusting again.    You moaned at the sudden attention.      He held your body close to his as he moved inside you.    The two of you were in your own world, the only thing that mattered was the person in front of you.  You completed each other, moving together perfectly. You'd be happy to stay like this forever, with Neji holding you close.    "Y/N I'm really close, I'm not gonna be able to last much longer," Neji moaned in your ear.    "Me too, Neji, please don't stop," you barely got out the words as he hit that special spot inside you.    You moaned louder that you had all night.    "Yes, oh god, right there, Neji, right there," you nearly yelled.    He kept up the pace, but made sure to hit the same pace inside you with each thrust, wanting to give you the most pleasure you had ever felt.  If that really was his goal, he was definitely accomplishing it.    He had already given you one mind blowing orgasm tonight. Yet you thought he may raise the bar even higher with the next one.    "Fuck, Neji, oh I'm cumming, Neji, oh," your back arched even further into the male above you as you reached your peak.    Neji kept thrusting as you came down from your orgasm, moving to reach his own high.    You spasming around him sent him over the edge.  He grunted your name over and over as he weakly thrusted a few more times before stilling inside you.    Neji then collapsed on you, moving to lay his head on your chest.  You smiled down at him as he laid there, breathing heavily.  You moved one hand up to rest on Neji's back and trace patterns on his spine.    "That. Was. Amazing," Neji breathed out, looking up at you.    "Agreed," you replied, also out of breath.    After a few moments of silence you spent just looking each other in the eyes, Neji finally spoke.    "I'm sorry," he whispered.    "For what?" was he sorry for having sex with you? Did he regret it?    "For looking down on you all those years.  I only did it because I knew if you tried you could be a great ninja.  I guess in my mind, I was just trying to push you to become the ninja I knew you could become," Neji spoke softly.    "It's alright, Neji, in a way you did encourage me to become stronger.  You encouraged me to train hard with Kakashi every day so I could still be strong," you explained, "The only reason I wasn't in the academy with you was because my parents never believed I'd be good enough without my family's kekkei genkai."    "Well screw them, you're absolutely amazing," Neji huffed out, moving to hover over you again, resting his forehead on yours, "you are a strong, gorgeous, and intelligent young woman, and I love that about you."    "Thank you Neji, it really means a lot to me," you smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him in to kiss you.    He was the first to pull away from the kiss.    "Now, I'm gonna make up for all those years," he spoke.    "What do you me-" you were cut off when you felt Neji's hand rubbing up and down the inside of you thigh.    Neji then let his hand spread your legs even wider, nudging your leg away, giving him access to what he was looking for.    He didn't take long to tease you, quickly taking his finger to rub a few circles around your hole before slipping in.  Your breath was already picking up again, still enjoying the attention he was giving you.    "Oh Neji, god, feels too good, don't stop," you moaned to the ninja hovering above you.    Your breath was speeding up even more.  You had no clue how he managed to make you feel so good.  I mean, he said he was a virgin.  How the hell did he know how to please a woman like this?      You bit your lip to hold back your moans, feeling slightly embarrassed by how good he made you feel.    "Don't hold back, Y/N, let me hear how good I make you feel.  Let me hear you."    Oh dear god, Neji was gonna be the death of you.  It seemed like every word out of his mouth caused you to melt.  You really need to calm the fuck down or you'll have a damn heart attack.    "Does this feel good? You like that?" he said, curling his fingers up as he thrusted them as deep as he could.    "Fuck, yes, yes, feels so good Neji."    He then moved down your body, leaving a trail of kisses on your skin.    While he used his fingers to pleasure you, he let his tongue focus on playing with your clit.  He then removed his fingers and switched the position of his fingers and his tongue.  His tongue was now moving in and out of you at a fairly quick pace as Neji's fingers moved to play with your clit.    He then stopped everything, pulling away from you completely.    If only you knew what he had in store for you.    He moved up and grabbed your hips before flipping the two of you over, letting you sit on his hips.    You decided to take control of the situation and do something you had always thought about.    You slid yourself down Neji's body, stopping when you were straddling one of his thighs.  When you were settled there, you began to slowly move up and down Neji's thighs, grinding yourself down and pleasuring yourself.    "Mmm feels so good, Neji, god yes," you moaned.    "Come up here, Y/N," Neji motioned for you to come back up to where he was.    You obliged, moving up to straddle his hips again. He took his hands and grabbed your hips, lifting you off his hips and moving you beside him.    "Can you get on all fours for me, Y/N?" he asked you.    You obeyed him again, moving to get on all fours.  As you settled there, Neji laid down, his face right in between your legs.    He took your hips in his hands again, pulling you down to his face.  Oh my fucking god, he wanted you to sit on his face.  You definitely weren't gonna protest.    He brought one of his hands up to thrust into you, while his tongue took care of everything else.  Oh, this was definitely how you die.    You were no gonna last long like this if he kept up with what he was doing.    "Neji, oh fuck, god it feels so good, keep going, just like that."    Your words caused him to moan into your core, sending another jolt of pleasure up your spine, shivers moving through your body.    "I'm gonna cum soon, Neji, you make me feel so good, fuck."    This caused him to speed up his actions, moving faster than he had all night.  He knew how to hit every single pleasure point in your whole body.  Everything he did, every movement he made, made you feel perfect.  Every damn thing brought you closer to the edge, but his words are what finally put you over the edge.    Neji pulled his mouth away from you to encourage you.    "God, you're absolutely beautiful, Y/N. Are you gonna cum for me? Cum for me," Neji said to you, his voice sounded so god damn sensual.    That was it, you came for the third time that night, back arching again, Neji's fingers still moving inside you, working you down from your orgasm.      After you came down from the peak, you moved to lay on Neji's chest, your breath coming out more as gasps.    "God, you are absolutely amazing, Neji," you spoke as you moved your head to look at him.    "You're amazing, Y/N." he replied, emphasizing that you were amazing, while implying that he wasn't.    "Oh shush," you giggled, dropping your head back down to his chest.    Neji took one of his hands to your hip, the other resting behind his head. The hand holding you traced patterns across your hips and lower back.  You drifted off to sleep on Neji's chest, loving the feeling of his chest rising and falling with his breathing.    Maybe Neji Hyuga wasn't so bad after all.

~fin~

That was not what I first imagined when I started writing but here we are. SO sorry for the weird carrot joke, but it was part of the prompt I was given so I had to roll with it. Oops. Vote, comment, and suggest ideas if you'd like, it'd really help me out. Thanks so much!!

-Smutty-Chan

#Neji Hyuga #x reader #smut #fluff #angsty #neji #hyuga #naruto

[vincent-frankenstein]

ADHD sides hcs :3c

self projection time? self projection time

feel free to add ur own hcs onto this im jus usin my own experiences here 

startin w PATTON

emotional regulation? who’s she? patton only knows feeling emotions with Every Single Atom in his body so powerfully he might one day Explode

if he’s happy hes HAPPY!!!!! it’s like his body fills with light and he’s walking 2 feet off the ground and nothing could go wrong — and then whoops, something goes wrong, and wh o o ps, hes crying, whoops —

has a million stuffed animals sitting aLL around the house so he always has something to Squeeze

Squeezing is a good stim dont @ me

he throws his whole body into stimming

flapping, bouncing, jumping, spinning — his body must be moving at all times or he will die 

starting things is. Very very hard for him. executive dysfunction hits DEEP and he’s just,,, paralyzed. he wants to do the thing!!! he really does!!! his brain just Wont Let Him

logan used to get very frustrated with him but then patton like, explained how it felt and a little lightbulb went off in logan’s head

“patton, I think you have adhd.”

“... i’m guessin that doesn’t mean im a-delightful-hip-dad?”

then they did some Research together and put together a plan to help patton work around executive dysfunction and, it works, sometimes

when it doesnt, logan makes hot cocoa and sits with him

AUDITORY. PROCESSING. PROBLEMS.

“Hey, Pat, what’s for dinner?” “huh?” “I said, what’s for —” “meATloaf”

hearing is an uphill struggle so sometimes he just Signs instead but a lot of the time he gets so excited about what he’s trying to say he just dissolves into flapping halfway through the sentence

lots of hyperfixations !!!! so many !!! he cycles through em one after another suuuuper quickly 

he never forgets a hyperfixation, and the mention of ANY old hyperfixations will have him cry-flapping

roman: hey did u know they’re making another phineas and ferb movie -

patton, vibrating intensely and sobbing, .5 seconds away from launching into orbit: theYR E MAKING A WHAT

ROMAN

singing is his absolute FAVORITE STIM

that moment where u reach a point in a song where ur chest just, Swells and u can feel ur voice Vibrating ? yeah

sometimes Does Not warm up beforehand bc ??? he has No Choice but to sing along to certain songs and he cant always control when they come on so his voice sometimes gets Very Raspy from belting without warmups

aside from that twirling and doing Ballet Poses are also very good stims. he stick his leggy out Real Far mmhm

roman: *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt finish it* *starts a new project and doesnt fin

his room is a MESS and NO he will NOT clean it LOGAN he has a SYSTEM 

he doesnt have a system and the mess stresses him out to no end but he has one (1) braincell and it’s dedicated to Starting Projects And Not Finishing Them so

needs validation to survive

like legit if he doesnt get validation he will DIE 

on the flip side, if he gets any sort of rejection, he will also Die

logan: so I read through your latest script, and the idea is solid. We can definitely work with this. I did notice one oddly structured sentence so I fixed that for you —

roman: so you basically hate it and i should die 

rejection sensitive dysphoria is the one villain he has yet to figure out how to slay

contrary to what u might think, he keeps his hyperfixations Very close to his heart. he doesnt think he would survive it if one of the others were to criticize them

the one exception to this rule: disney. 

you cant look at this boy and tell me hes not hyperfixated on disney i mean did you s E E him in that one ep cmon

he will ramble about disney to anyone who will listen for hours. days, even, if you give him the opportunity. infodumping about disney is like injecting pure sunlight right into his bloodstream; by the end of it he’s glowing

once, after accepting anxiety, virgil and roman ended up in another debate about the Meanings of disney movies, but this time it was friendly, and by the end of it roman had gotten to ramble about each and every one of his favorite movies and he had never been happier

it was the first time virgil ever saw him Flap

they still get together to talk disney sometimes

VIRGIIIIL

virgil: *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while listening to mcr* *stims while liste

like roman, Music is virgil’s main stim, but he prefers to just. Move. bouncin his leg and drumming his hands in the air and shaking his head etc etc

it takes. literally foreVER for him to trust the others enough to stim around them. music is his main comfort but, for a Long Time, he wouldnt let himself listen to it when the others were around, just bc he knew he’d want to stim and he couLDNT bc what if he got juDGED

but then one day roman starts singing and patton jumps up and starts spinning and virgils like “???” and logans like “that’s how they stim” and virgils like “!!!!”

he Tappy Leg Real Fast

he also has a string of beads he carries everywhere to twist around his fingers bc bead,,, Good Texture

he struggles with rsd just as badly as roman, but he shows it in a Different Way

roman hurts, but hes an actor. he’s not about to invite more rejection by letting them know how much their words hurt! no no no, he keeps up the bravado until hes back in his room and then he breaks

but virgil. the rsd hits and its like, a physical blow to his chest and he crumples, wilting in on himself, and the world around him just sorta, ebbs away. for virgil, rsd is static

after AA the others start to learn his Signs for when hes feeling Bad™ so whenever he shrinks away they’ll stop the conversation and talk him through his insecurities until he feels better

SPOOKY HYPERFIXATIONS ALL THE WAY

went to Halloween Horror Nights one (1) time and now listens to the music on repeat and just. stims for hours

also hes in love with austin gumbam from academy of villains me? self projecting? never 

knows Every Obscure Fact from Every Horror Movie Ever and the urge to infodump is Consntantly at the forefront of his mind but he Never Does

unless someone gives him permission 

virgil: oh? chucky? thats a. cool movie.  did you know that — uh. nvm

logan: no no, go on

virgil, vibrating at a speed that could shatter glass: iF YOU INSIST-

LOGAN,,,,

this bitch is just as bad at Emotional Regulation as patton

hes just better at hiding it

that little stunt w the paper in lntao? he is Constantly .5 seconds away from going apeshitt. that was just A Glimpse into the chaos

he’s just,,,, very very bad at Identifying what he’s feeling. patton hid his feelings from the others, but he still knew what he was feeling, and he knows how to identify emotions

logan, on the other hand? 

logan: passion and anger are both Hot. they must be The Same Thing

patton: i. i mean. not really

logan: goddamnit

or

patton: logan? are you crying?

logan, touching his cheek and finding Tears: hm. tragic. and here i thought i was “happy”

he’d much rather just,,, Not feel but thats not an option bc he still feels things intensely, he just doesnt know What he’s feeling most of the time

quiet stims. he runs his hands along the fabric of his tie, feeling the grooves of the stitches, and readjusts his glasses constantly. if he’s feelin extra wild, he’ll even pull out his rubix cube and solve and re-solve it without even looking

LOTS of obscure hyperfixations

he has so many books on so many different subjects,,,, his room is more of a library than a bedroom and thats just the way he likes it

throwback to that one time he hyperfixated on reptiles and thomas’ little “slimy boy” outburst had him chasing deceit around the mindscape trying to feel his scales “FOR SCIENCE”

memory. problems.

he HATES hates hates hates the fact that things slip his mind so easily. hence, the notebook, and the daily planner, and the deluge of postits hanging around his bedroom

it frustrates him to no end especiaLLY when he forgets important information in front of thomas

patton watches out for the signs of Frustration and brings logan a cup of tea later than day and helps him sort through the Mess of notes on his desk to catalogue the Important Info

just let logan and patton be adhd buds @god bls i beggeth

but when he does remember The Information and thomas praises him? effervescent

logan, after thomas called him cool, kicking down pattons door: I FINALLY KNOW WHAT HAPPINESS TRULY FEELS LIKE

patton: hey! cool your jets there, kiddo!

logan:

patton: :3c

logan, turning around: neveRMIND

patton: nO WAI T-

the day thomas called him cool was the first time he ever Flapped

#patton sanders #roman sanders #virgil sanders #logan sanders #sanders sides #adhd #sanders sides hcs #celeste's portfolio #woop w o o p #very Basic™ but im jus like. throwing some of My Experiences at the sides and seein what sticks so #out of this im like. mostly patton n roman #espe c I A LLY roman's singing stim my voice is SHOT rn bc ive been singing nonstop without warming up #adhd sides #legit pls add onto this !!!! i wanna see what experiences Others have

[misterbitches]

Hello! @flootweed replying to the post from before. the long format was killing me. why does tumblr look like this...

I haven’t watched episode 8 yet...or have I? If it’s the most recent one. No.

Is the hornbill a bird? It probably is but I have a terrible memory and I’m dumb so. I skipped the last few weeks because I’m scawwed. How are you liking it? I did see someone say that the hornbill makes sense (without knowing what it is...at all) bc heart transplant patients only live like 5-15 years after but someone in those comments pointed out that he was so young when he got his and that’s pretty rare so he has a higher likelihood of survival. Frankly, this is the only way I will proceed. Since when did shows ever care about the heart transplant health? Never and it needs to stay that way!

What did we think of ep 6? LMAO. I need opinions! And omg it makes me feel special when I can point things out to people because I so...rarely get to LOL. Editing is like one of my favorite things ever so I can be super particular about it but I try to do the thing you do when you’re supposed to see if it works within its context. I’d like to go in with scissors and glue but alas. 

THe mic covering....the rustling....it’s like guys...please. Ironically the audio today wasn’t great. I don’t know why. IDK if you watch c-dramas but I am not even sure what’s worse between them because they dub their dramas. But actually no it’s best to have the dubbing because even tho it is painful they have to put a lot of effort into it. LOL. 

Right? @ Aey! It’s just weird if they would show us more about what he’s done instead of saying he’s done sth bad and not even explaining that....like you could even do some shitty exposition. I think if he is to be a true villain then we really need to be privvy. All the warnings make it seem like he’s a fuckin’ serial killer so when we get the scene of him at home it’s like....actually this is really serious? Maybe his pain is like...for a reason. Althought you won’t even TELL US WHAT HE’S DONE WRONG BESIDES BE JUST FUCKING WEIRD AND ANNOYING! So from what we have it’s just a realllllllll fucked up sad person lol. god i forgot about the dinner! and i totally agree. he really needs them to succeed. i like your theory because it would make the scene where he like blocks the twitter user make more sense. he also says they dont really know each other etc so it’s realllllyyyyy probable that he just sees it as a way out. if not then we shall pretend u wrote it :)

god yea i wouldnt say it is art but i also guess we technically have to since it is technically. in the way that technically performance artists are artists but mostly i uh technically ignore them. Also one of my fav BLs is called the best twins. If you do not know what it is I will not elaborate further.t 

i want to know more abt poli sci majors lmao but they sound DRAMATIC/ hopefully most ppl in ur cohort arent losers! 

hahahha i understand. there was just a thing on twitter about DSA and then the day before about reading discourse. the same thiings. over. and over. and over. and over. we are our own worst enemies but also our own best friends? but i hate tankies and that wont change. but hasan’s a decent guy. he said sth abt black ppl during biden’s primaries in GA or whatever and i was like chill. but he’s insecure and has adhd which means ur more open to being wrong and changing otherwise u will suffocate and die. 

and totally about hiding fuck ups. i’ve tried really hard bc of organizing IRL to like...be honest, question, etc but also like...approach it naturally? because if you’re trying to be perfect and so worried you’ll fuck up you don’t realize that puts  more stress on you, makes you seem like a robot, and could potentially not make you realize the mistkaes you made. also if we’re privileged in certain spaces there is just no possible way we won’t get something wrong. im light and i know that honestly any way to speak up on colorism is going to be difficult and that’s a space where i have power so i just have to figure it out. we should be uncomfortable because we have to sit with unpleasant feelings and sort through our own whatever. that just makes the next time even better and people can trust u more.  i think some people sweat it sooo much or maybe they think their personal life and what theyve been through is more the norm? on the other hand people can be sf reactionary in the worst way and idk what their issue is. there was also a user who said sth very inch arresting about tankies which i thoroughly enjoyed (how like violent lefitsts or tankies / ppl who are like ooh a gun whatever just want to be violent in another space so they have shit tendencies from jump and nothing of substance which i think i agree with tbh fo ra lottttt of ppl. like their anger is actually like “no im about to beat that ass” instead of what we actually want to get done) 

sort of in the same vein re: taking it easy...we coudl all be more understanding too. to slow it down like you mentioned about not being privvy to fucking eveyrthing and saying anything on our mind. i saw this person talk about y2k which was a huge deal while happening bc it was the turn of the millenium (bruh were u even alive?) but this twitter user grew up in a super super SUPER religious household and was like why do ppl make jokes about Y2K it was insanely traumatizing? though my first instinct was confused ive tried hard to like look more before i judge especially thanks to a friend of mine. turns out that with the further reading the more we found out he was just really traumatized; it was very common in religious households to be afraid of 2000. so we could have come at him with no understanding and he could have thought that everyone had the same experience with that year that he did. his feelings sit precedent though but i think it was just very hard for him to fathom. 

i didnt reply bc he didnt need that and what could i have said? he’ll see what the truth is with exposure and unfortunately this was something he really did go through. 

and that’s what makes most people think others could be over the top. because it sounded ridiculous but then it was this huge traumatic thing that we could have never known about. so maybe when someone sounds like actually crazy they have an explanation? of course some ppl are just batshit or annoying but that’s anywhere not just leftists it’ just means more i guess when a ~~librul is annoyed~ but it can be easy to want to make fun of ppl too. lmao.  basically what i am saying is the internet? especially twitter? for leftists? in this economy? bitch it’s the wild west out here.

i am 29! idk if i said it or not. i am OLD u probably werent even born in the year i was talking about wah. i know not old-old or old at all but compared to you i’m due for a colonoscopy.

omg i hope u can get vaxxed soon! are you wfh rn? i hope ur also not in a bad state as in state state not state as in ur being :| bleh what a fucking time. it sucks that you have to fucking do work. well unless u like school. which i hope u do. i just assume everyone hates it cos i did lmao

was it the lindsay ellis drama? that bitch is dumb. if there was other drama oh wait the drama i was referring to it all happened on the same day. idk book twitter that well but i saw something from someone who was abt that shit and wowie! the american people are not that.....intelligent to put it lightly.

i’ll get better. ppl tell me they miss me and im like aw. i have insanellllyyy bad insomnia and a lot of stuff happened this year HOWEVER I SLEPT FOR TWO DAYS FOR 8 HOURS AT A REASONABLE TIME. im a new woman.  anyways you too! i hope ur not too burnt out with school. we just dont know when the burnout is or we just dont know we are burnt out until we are. the panaramiciccici hit and all the things i was ignoring kind of just fell on me and sooo much happened at once. and frankly it’s hard to take care of ourselves. lord. 

Like if you aren’t interested in expanding on the issue in a way that hasn’t been done before all you gotta do it like… spread resources and donate if you can. I dont see the point in having to say something about every issue especially if you (not at you specifically just in general) aren’t immediately impacted by the issue. Like is the 14 yr old white marxist named sarah on twitter really gonna have meaningful insight on anti-asian violence ?

this is part of why i cannot telecommunicate. i dont want to do shit on the internet. i am able bodied so i know that this time has been of such ease for other people. but mentally i just can’t. i don’t have a comment on hand like that and i hvae no desire to engage with ppl that way. i am a super super super solitary person but thats bc it’s MY time so when it’s like all this effort with other people i dont ever want to be alone. it’s the same with the way i approach filmmaking. it isnt a sole thing so i hate it not together. that’s part of how u can get so sucked in and repeat doom scrolling. i was in this webinar last may after [redacted] and this black woman prof said “read with a community and talk” because otherwise she said we are torturing ourselves. you can’t carry that weight all on your own. unfortunately i hate zoom, discord, slack, signal, whatsapp, facetime. you name it this panera has made it evi.. L

you make a really excellent point. i think the young young gen zers are really really just interesting because it’s like this whole new world for them with leftist politics and they just can’t grasp the horrors of the world and the kind of freedom being a leftist can bring. and so many people don’t grow out of it. those people so happen to be the “least productive” in terms of how much time they spend IRL withe these issues. naturally, younger kids are gonna have a harder time. they are not as mobile as well so the internet becomes this place. but then it’s this echo chamber. and many times just things posted without sources. and social media NEEDS that to exist.

i think of the irony of leftist kids on tik tok and while i am happy it’s reaching them it’s just....different. very different. the growth of social media is so good but also so fucking sad, it’s too much! i think the point about not writing everything is major. even i have to do this which is part of the disappearing.y ou need to detach and make sure your head is on straight again. but when you think eveyrone has to be privvy to every thought and you can’t just sit back....which twitter and social media doesn’t encourage. you have to join in. that’s often why when i have something to say it is dense because i don’t feel like repeating it. ever. lmao ust ever. i cant pay attn. social media is a fucking minefield for my brain u can get so lost in it and absorb it but once u start talking you may not be able to stop. 

i think a big part of that is it not being a leisurely thing but sort of just in our lives always. this sounds like a grandpa rant but ykwim. We dont have to see the same thing over and over again. And eventually it gets sincerely diluted or its diluted bc of capitalism or whatever. Or if theyre very young or maybe they don’t have like the greatest way of sharing the knowledge? then it can be butchered. I hope this is making sense...i’m talking beyoond the boring surface-level milquetoast shit. i see really ahistorical stuff on there from leftists (like this thing about NK + africa and it being a beneficial rship as opposed to a um not beneficial one. and it isn’t.  beneficial but this young black girl was talking abt it and noname rtd and i was like it’s just too complex. there’s no good/bad here just bc it’s not america. dont get me started on this.)

but Lol that was kinda off topic but I think what I meant in my last reply about not turning off the voice in my head is about when I consume media, not necessarily when I’m online talking about. Even if I have criticism for something, I’m usually pretty chill when consuming fandom content bc I think being serious online all the time is kinda boring. Like sometimes I’m analyzing theme and shit but really most of the time im memeing.

exactly.........gotta laugh. thats why sometimes im like i cant think lmao. unfrotunately i have been ARGUING with ppl on the internet for rly no reason when  i could have replied to ur very nice fun wholesome message. i love torture. i miss memes.

“ i think the people who get the least enjoyment out of that are those so obsessed with getting upset with anyone thinking outside of their lines as if it equates to them “ EXACTLYYYYY

kekekekeke im glad u got it. it’s like with conservatives throwing around snowflake. now im beginning to question who the real complainers are. 

LMAO exactlyyyy. i posted a screenshot of this writer from twitter saying that exact thing. Like first of all, I’m...an adult? and if you are as well uh? i’m sorry for you but are we 12? But how is it affecting u this viscerally? And if it does why dont u...do...research? pihgofuaipoajghou but honestly everything u said. we’re trained to go into it with nothing. i was only around ur age when i started to get more serious about this stuff but you’re like lightyears ahead of where i was at 21. did i say this but i’m in iww and literally i can tell u in 2016 i did not think 2019 me would be in a union bc i told my friend in a train station that we don’t need unions. i was 23...but the thing is i didnt know what i was talking about. at all. and i knew i didnt know and she knew i didnt know and now i am the clown.

also yes at critical engagement. i had to learn so much through experience and this is tuff that i coudlnt be shielded from. there’s an empathy you kinda have to develop and this understanding that you move through the world as this person who is “nowhere and everywhere; nothing and everything” so i’ve always had to think about things differently just to survive. that’s also what can drag a lot of people towards it like theres so many black kpop fans bc i think a lot of the pain in SK can be mirrored (sort of) through our history. and theres currently a history now but it had to be forged. uh what was my point oh yea however i wouldnt have been able to move further if i didnt have my background to go off of  bc i knew something was off when i started getting into all these things (ill give u a hint) but if i had no prior knowledge and didnt have to think about it then the critical approach is either stale or stupid. 

i had to research but i dont understand how ppl are so bold with little to no research and understanding? thhey just inherently know with also like ZERO experience in what they need experience in. engaging critically means “how i see the world” with dashes of trying to be open adn understanding or whatever. actually that’s another thing like being afraid of criticizing things bc theyre foreign to you so u give it a pass (like we discussed) but it doesnt hAVE TO BEEEE JUST REAAAAAD and then take all the info ur teensy brain and apply it. be a normal human being and dont be fucking rude and racist. thats it! u can complain abt literally anything without being a dick.

as we start with LW and end with LW.....what do we think (i asked this already) omg please share wbl thoughts i THINK i know what ur talking about. well it could be two things; their rship when they came back and the physicality and then pei shou yi. i almost dont even want to use my brain to fucking look at that. i think wbl can get away with more bc of visual~*~*~* reasons (like literally, the look of the show. there’s more space to get lost in the frames. many thai dramas are a lot more literal? this isn’t the right word but it’s very heavily character focused particularly bc of $ i think) though good production also underscores flaws so i am also wrong. but like do u know what i mean? u have to kinda focus on it? or maybe it’s just cos like.....ur so used to it in thai bl idek. i’ve seen tw bl ofc. 

look i swear i will justify this forever bc there are some things we miss right but if u feel like someone’s a bad actor....theyre bad. it’s about tone movement etc etc etc and since most thai bl productions have 0 interest in that....well. they take these newbies and put them in these situations. we dont understand thai but if we see them and we’re like “wow this is really bad” then they’re bad lmao. IDC i will never be like cos idk what theyre saying NO WHY HE LOOK LIKE A ROBOT???????? DOES HE EMOTE? why is he CRYING WITH NO TEARS? and it’s not even a total requisite to cry with tears(i mean for me it is) but it’s just like what is happening on ur face right now young man????????

painful.

the inflection stuff is very valid ooh good point tho but that’s only a part of the piece. plus we get used to the way they communicate. like the ppl from sotus were prtty bad. i dont like that show but thats an ex of ppl liing the actors and the person i thought was better other ppl dont think that? well apparently hes a shitty guy but. um. so when theres decent acting its so glaring.

although i must say even tho i dont care for 2gether anymore and would never like to be reminded about its existence (only bc i just cringe lol) i honestly....didnt think bright was a bad actor? but people keep saying he is and i am much more inclined to believe them than myself. though i am not often dickmatized that could have been it. until he opened his mouth and ruined it and then i stopped paying attn.

although honestly i’m so much more critical than i could be positive. i have ben stumped for the last day about how i wasnt mad at his acting in the show. is it me? is it him? who’s......the wrong one.....(me) 

oh shit they have been denied? i haven’t been paying attn to whats been going on recently. i just got into it on MDL because of snowdrop. sometimes i literally cannot engage bc ill just be like alright well im black so this power button in my head is going off when ppl talk abt that shit. back in the day when kpop jawns were saying some real outta pocket anti black shit (now everyone is slick with it) it’d always be THEY DONT HAVE GOOGLE THEYVE NEVER SEEN A BLACK PERSON but really it’s like no...maybe they are just racist? that’s ok too.

also the past 2 weeks have been um atrocious bc how fucking easily people fell into the pit of white supremacy and started to turn their ire towards black people and making a competition between our groups just like they wanted. it’s not about the women who are dead anymore, who were sex workers, their womanhood, being asian, being poor anymore. it’s about how much black people get attention and why people only pay attn to us. i am not feeling very generous this week for ppl to excuse that hsit.

on a lighter note, ppl say that abt the whole husband and wife thing. i dont know how to explain how angry that shit makes me but maybe it’s because i do not want to think of my body in relation to a fucking penis at all hours of the day. if bls could kindly not do that it would be nice lmao 

yes there are a lot of those. who are only there to gawk lmao. and just idk worship bc of the cult of personality thing bc of how weird and open they have to be as actors. some of the others are people who /think/ theyre really smart (i think im asmart but i also think i am very dumb and i have adhd to prove that MEDICALLY!!!) but are actually not? or their observations arent great? or idk if they are they arent interesting? but i think well..........we have more refined palettes :P

jk also theres just different personalities. you and  i mesh more bc we have a lot of the same beliefs and are coming from the same place. that makes it easier to understand as well. i really try to remember that but some people are really weird so. again just...the perception of certain things even down to acting skills. but i also dont like.......believe this genre can really do anything at all. on one hand i want them to do it right bc it’s a piece of work so they should. be proud of it. cos most things arent advancing us bc representation and culturalism are a lie bla bla. it’s just that when the depictions are negative or not done well it adds to the problem as opposed to the things that are well done are fairly benign and can’t really pull us back (perf example is the black panther film. i woudl definitely not say it was transgressive as a literal work but visually it’s just stunning. and it’s sad that it’s stunning and surprising but still with basically an all black cast of mostly dark people abd like what it means in the zeitgeist yes. it’s also just a good movie. but it’s still imperialist prop and unfortunately and this is fucking pathetic to say it “opened eyes” in other countries where they hate black ppl and ignore their own racialized minorities HENNYWAYSSSS a better ex is moonlight except moonlight isnt mainstream and is indie tho...still thru a funnel of capital bc a24 but who cares bleed the fuckers dry is my motto. my point is moonlight is both a great work and doesnt bring any failures to the table and its existence helps in ways outside of art but they arent the defining things giving us material advancement sooooo i mean it’s complex (this is my conclusion to everything um guys it’s complex) 

er i had one more point in conjunction to above. oh yea so i like dont need all these extra things to make it progressive. like people really want more women in the show and i am honestly like i really dont. i dont want them to actively do this. if they cant do it naturally then let someone else do it. i am not asking for more bc i dont want it from them. when something comes along i embrace it but i do not see why women should be represented when the genre RELIES on patriarchy. there is no complete satisfying existence for the women in these series. i dont want it. i dont ask people to show us~*~* or respect~* like fuck no the people who make it make it and hopefully more will make it in the future but i will not beg bc THEY DONT WANT TO DO IT SO WOULD FORCING IT MAKE IT BETTER? just fucking leave them out entirely. that’s the answer if theyre gonna make nasty female characters then those bitches can geaux. we have other plcaes to be. booked. and. BUSY!

[grapesodatozier]

I don't know if this has been done before ( though I feel like it hasn't cuz I ain't seen it anywhere yet) but virgin Mike with experienced Richie? That would be HOT and sweet and intense

oh man!! you are so right anon, this is super hot and super sweet!! this one is a whole novel lmao so under the cut again

oooooookay so i was gonna make this a fic bc i love this idea so much but i decided that i have so many thoughts that im just gonna talk about it SO. first of all. this is so gd sweet bc like?? the trust here?? like mike being 22 and hes never done anything more than hand stuff, meanwhile richie had a slut phase his sophomore and junior years of college so hes seen a lot lol. so for mike to open up to richie and tell him that hes never done this before?? to not be embarrassed or scared that he'll be bad at it?? to trust that richie will take care of him and wont judge him?? to make himself that vulnerable and feel comfortable and safe?? that just really gets me emotional okay that is beautiful

so here's what im picturing:

friends to lovers ofc bc friends to lovers is that trope!! so mike and richie meet in college, and they've been friends for a few years when one night mike stays later in richies dorm room than everyone else and they stay up til like two just talking, and theyre both a little sleepy but they dont want the night to end, and they've drifted closer together until their breaths are mingling and their noses are just brushing against one another, and mike leans forward and closes the distance bc he cant take the way his heart is racing, and richie is giving him this look thats driving him wild, and he needs to know if richies lips are as soft as they look, and hes so tired and richie is so warm and everything is so quiet it almost feels like a dream. and then richie is kissing him back, soft and intentional at first, but then hes laying mike down and the kiss gets so much deeper it has mikes entire body glowing.

they stay up until 4:30 just kissing and talking and touching each other so gently, just stroking each others cheeks and running knuckles over each others sides, taking in that this is all real. then richie ofc is like "mike youre sleepy i dont want you walking across campus by yourself at 4am and also i dont want you to leave" so mike stays over, and sleeping in richies arms is the best sleep hes gotten since he got to college

so they're a couple, and theyre hooking up, but they're about a month in now and they havent done anything past hand stuff. and richie is super patient, he doesn't wanna rush anything, but he thinks maybe mikes just nervous about being the one to intitiate going further?? so one time when theyre grinding into each other, basically just dry humping on richies bed, richie murmurs in mike's ear, "fuck, baby, wanna get my mouth on that pretty cock of yours so fucking bad" but then mike stiffens, his movements stopping completely, so obviously richies like shit im sorry did i do something wrong?? and then mike is blushing super hard and explains that he's never done anything more than hand stuff and hes really nervous, and richie is so soft for mike, he adores him, and hes just kissing all over his face like "baby, why didn't you tell me? you know i'll take such good care of you" and mike m e l t s and then he gets a little coy like "will you... show me?" all biting his lip and batting his eyes as if he hasn't been jerking off to the thought of asking richie that question for over a year now. and richies response is just what mike wants, he can see his eyes getting darker, and mike is thrilled. and richie kisses him so deeply and passionately like "fuck yes baby, i've got you, i'll show you, baby"

and then clothes are coming off and richies blowing mike bc he insists on going first bc hes so excited to give mike his first blowjob and absolutely blow his mind. and honestly, he doesnt tell mike this until a few weeks later when they've settled into things more, but knowing that he was the only one to ever make mike feel that good made richie feel so warm, and also made his skin burn in the most amazing way, and the whole time mike was moaning and squirming beneath him richie couldnt help but think mineminemine, only mine, and he murmurs things like "my sweet baby" into mikes hip, almost low enough for mike not to hear it, but he does and he absolutely loves it

and then richie is guiding mike through blowing him, and its both so hot and so sweet?? like mikes teeth keep catching every now and then, and like yeah it hurts a bit but its also endearing?? like?? richie loves him so much and this is such an intimate thing and mikes trusting him with this moment in his life?? richie has to keep himself from blurting out his first "i love you" while mikes blushing and apologizing and richies just like "thats okay baby, you're doing so good" bc of course mike wants to be good at this, and then mike says "wanna make you feel good" all shy and a little bit sad and embarrassed and richies like nonono baby you make me feel so good you have no idea, and he cups mikes face and mike nuzzles into his palm bc richie is so warm and he makes mike feel so safe and loved bc he is!!

when they first have penetrative sex (or fuck or make love or what have you) (theres no cute or hot way to say that im sorry i tried lol) mike is on top. richie fingers himself open, then guides mikes fingers into him, and mike gets the hang of that p quickly, his eyes wide in wonder and glued to where his fingers and richies hole come together. richie cannot believe how beautiful mike is and how lucky richie himself is. by this time i imagine they've said "i love you" already, so when mikes sinking into richie he's breathing hard and burying his face in richies neck and just moaning "i love you i love you i love you" while he fucks richie slow and deep, the sensation is so new and so intense for him

and then after getting used to that, a week or two later richie is finally fingering mike open, so carefully and intentionally, taking such good care of him. and mike makes the prettiest faces when richie first sinks into him. and its new, there's a stretch, but it doesn't hurt. in fact, it feels fucking amazing, and thats how mike learns that hes a switch but its like 80/20 in favor of bottoming, its like hes discovered a new level of consciousness or enlightenment lmao and thats just missionary, richie pressing sweet kisses all over mikes face, telling him how beautiful and amazing he is, how good he feels

once they start getting more hot and heavy with it mike is ready to ask richie to fuck him from behind. and mike was a whimperer before, letting out these pretty little moans that richie fucking drank in. but as soon as mikes on all fours and richies fucking into him mike is fucking screaming, like he never understood how people could scream during sex until that moment. in this position richie gets so fucking deep, its insdescribable, and mike is speechless pretty much off the bat, just screaming yesyesyesfuckmefuckmefuckme when he can manage to say actual words. and it catches richie off guard but fuck is it hot to know that mike is literally screaming for his cock, not even caring that other students on that floor can definitely hear it, like could not possibly miss it, and mikes just way too blissed out and fucked out to care bc wow it feels so good its like a whole new thing. mike even bites the pillow the second time they do it, but hes still super loud even then. but the image of mike face down ass up is possibly one of the hottest things richie has ever seen in his life, and he’s absolutely covering mike in kisses once they both come down

wow they're in love i adore them sm!!

so yeah im v on board w this idea lol v sweet, v hot, thank you sm for sending me this!!

#notsfw #wheelzier