#bc i AM a disabled person

[annieisyourfavourite]

today might be the day i've been the most uncomfortable and upset at treatment from the trainees, even tho it's not even by far the worst stuff they've said

a man was cutting me off and acting in an accusatory fashion because i was acting tired and "your eyes look droopy". Which, people sometimes question my tired demeanor, but not usually so insultingly and aggressively. And then in the notes after, he said if he was in charge, he would have ordered a urinary test for drugs or medication by the end of the day. Based on meeting me for 15 minutes. And because I was tired at 8:30 in the morning.

Like. Not even close to the most egregious shit someone has said to me in character. But to have him in the debrief be even LESS compassionate and more suspicious of my "abnormalities", even taking into account that I got annoyed at him for asking. Like I'm playing a traumatized person for the scenario. And I, the actor, have many different disabilities related around fatigue. So the fact that he wasn't even listening to me, and couldn't FATHOM any reason why the human being in front of him would be tired and a little slow in the morning.

And then even after explaining that, another woman noted that I had both a coffee cup and a water bottle, and was suspicious as to why I had both, or why I coughed a couple times. And that made me mad enough to log off. I left for lunch after reminding them that the actress in front of them was obviously also a human being with needs, who had been having interviews for almost an hour straight. So I just needed water. Like not everything that someone in CPS does is suspicious!!!!!!

And it's hard, normally I wouldn't log off bc I was mad. But like. I just simply couldn't take it anymore. Like the disrespect of me, the actress, as a person, was so gross. And the inherent suspicion that someone who is tired or speaking slowly or drinking different beverages MUST be hiding something Bad is just. Blech. Usually the interviewers aren't like this but it just felt very ableist and personally dehumanizing

#mine #professional theatre life #fuck work #idk they might talk to me about it later #but i mentioned i was personally insulted by these degrading comments #bc i AM a disabled person #like the charatcer is supposed to be 'normal' so anything I do that isn't 'normal' #is suspicious and looked down on and insulted #idk. ableist and gross and i kinda wanna cry #but i have 2 take a nap and go back for the afternoon :( #fyi i work as a simulation actor for training CPS workers #so they practice interview me so they can get notes and work on their stuff #before they get in front of an actual person #so i know this is a good learning experience #i just wish it didn't come on behalf of me experiencing ableism #whatever this is a rant i just had 2 get my feelings out

[transgendz]

Emergency Commissions

One of my checks was a couple of days late last week, and the more lucrative of my 2 proper jobs has given me only one day of work this week (seems to be system issue?? I'm waiting for a reply from my higher up, there seems to be a queue of sorts) I have no idea when I'm going to get my check this week, either. Although it's supposed to come in on Tuesdays, I have heard from coworkers it is likely to be delayed again. On top of all of this, I have had wifi issues for a week, and I work from home.

I was already going to have to do some commissions to make rent this month before the reduced work hours and wifi issues. I have to pay rent on Saturday, and I do not get a grace period. I cannot emphasize how screwed me, and both of my disabled roommates are if my check doesn't come in on time, which is apparently not likely to happen.

I am setting this goal for $600 which is how much I am going to need for rent if my check does not go through in time. I will update this post accordingly, and turn off rbs if I get my check before rent is due, but tbh if i thought that was happening I wouldn't be making this post.

Anyone who help with this can contact me at my art blog @theartistrans for art like you see above. There may be a bit of a wait because I have 2 jobs and this, but I will mail you the piece if you pay the shipping also.

Dm me for proof or more details. More details are also in my tags.

$C V PP Kofi

#for those wondering i am the main provider for a 3 person household bc im the least disabled of the 3 of us #with one of us going thru the courts for diability for over a year now literally unable to work #and the other still working on recovering enough mental functionality to hold down a job after years of severe life-threatening health shit #we are growing our own food to reduce costs and are harvesting cucumber rn and tomatoes squash eggplant okra and peppers soon #we are working so hard to get by

[kes-geiszler]

shout out to all the disabled folk who flare on their periods we need more recognition

#also why periods need to be destigmatised #bc i personally am too embarrassed to explain to people #that i am having a pretty decent flare bc of it #so ill just push through instead of taking a break #anyways #periods #menstruation #disability #disabled #physically disabled #physical disability #important #kes talks disability

[thedisablednaturalist]

Tw for weight loss mention

The whole exercise will cure your disability thing is a fucking joke. Yes exercise is beneficial for your health, but only if you aren't already on shaky foundations. You need to be on a treatment plan that WORKS before going into the maintenance phase. You wouldn't do regular maintenance on a broken item, you'd work on getting it up and running first. And maybe it would even need specialized maintenance afterwards if it's especially fragile.

I have fibromyalgia and acute degenerative disc disease. My immune system attacks my nerves and discs in my spine are slowly calcifying and causing the bones to constrict and damage my nerves (i think thats how it works). I have days where it feels like my body is on fire from nerve pain and days where it feels like my spine is about to rip from my back. And days where I have both (like today!). I get numbness in my hands and feet. I have horrible migraines. I can no longer walk unaided more than maybe 5 minutes without severe pain. I have something wrong with my knees and hips but the doctors don't know what yet.

You'd think I live an obviously seditary lifestyle correct?

Hell no.

I walk aided on average 6 miles a day over difficult terrain OUTSIDE of regular activity almost everyday. My legs are muscular and strong. I get my heart rate up and a good sweat, like all the gym rats swear on. I am often doing physical labor such as weeding, digging, sample collecting, pruning trees etc.

I'm not saying this to make other disabled people feel bad or prove that they can do anything if they just tried harder. This is an extremely painful lifestyle I've chosen that takes a lot of lifestyle management AND BOUNDARIES to keep up with the work. I also have an extremely forgiving boss who is also physically disabled and knows what I'm going through (deciding between your passion and your health and having to do so each and every day) No one should ever be expected to do what I do. I'm not even sure if I should be doing this myself.

This is to prove that exercise? Has not cured me. My muscles are strong but still hurt as if they're broken and I have to take more breaks than my coworker. I am constantly getting out of breath and I flare up regularly if I'm not careful. I am in excellent physical condition outside of my disabilities. I go to different doctors several times a month to get checked out.

I previously went through a diet program and lost a lot of weight (basically starving myself and got off my depression meds which cause weight gain but are also the only ones that work) and guess what? That didn't do shit either!!! I still felt horrible!!! I've since gained back the weight anyway after switching to focusing on adding more nutrient dense foods than taking stuff away from my diet (also muscle weighs more than fat, and fat helps cushion my aching joints and spine).

The muscle doesn't do shit for my disabilities outside of maybe some stability. Exercising everyday doesn't make the pain go away. Without my medications and aids and nutrition plans and steroid injections and spinal adjustments and physical therapy (that takes my fibro and spine into account) and alternative work methods I WOULD NOT BE ABLE TO DO WHAT I DO. Exercise alone is like trying to make a car run with no oil. Yes it'll go but it'll get more and more damaged till it can't and will need its entire engine replaced!

And yet I see new doctors and they look at me and the first thing out of their mouths is do I exercise? I should try doing a little every day :) and then i fucking blow their minds when I tell them about my job. No longer can they use that fucking cop out on me. I've been through this rodeo. Ive tried their suggestions. If you are in pain and nothing is helping? Exercise ain't going to do SHIT. You need to get to a point where you can move without severe pain first (if that's even possible). Then and only then should you consider implementing regular exercise if you can. Also weight loss talk is a red flag and a cop out. They made me lose 50+ lbs before they would look into the reasons behind my pain. Weight loss did nothing for me and exacerbated my pain.

I am living proof that all that shit is a lie and a cop out. That is the point of this post. I cannot believe people with serious medical conditions are being forced to put their bodies through extreme duress just to be believed. You are not disabled because of laziness or because you sit a lot. Plenty of people live seditary lifestyles and do not live in constant excruciating pain (they may develop disabilities later in life due to this however, and should be doing preventative exercises to maintain their health)

Please, share my story with doctors. Use me as an example. I am proof that "exercise first treat later" does not work. I should not have had to wait years to have my pain validated. I'd rather hundreds of fakers get (what? A blood test? An MRI?) than one chronically ill person get told to try yoga and go away by a doctor.

#wrenfea.exe #doctors and nurses dont fucking clown on this post #anything you say needs to be backed up by sources with apa citation thrown in for good measure #this is my personal experience dont tell me im exaggerating or just havent tried hard enough #i will kick you with my horse legs and then go lie down for 4 hours #bedbound people i am sending you so much love and will probably be joining you in a few years #chronic disability #chronic pain #spoonie #fibromyalgia #disability #chronic illness #from the field #physically disabled #this also applies to neurodivergent and mentally ill people but pls don't derail #this is mainly about physical disabilities #you are welcome to make your own post and reference mine if you want @ me and ill reblog it #sometimes im like oh i cant be disabled bc i do all this stuff im a faker inflatrating the community #and then i have days like today where i cannot leave my bed #i am so pissed off that people with long covid and ME have to go through that fucking exercise rehabilitation program #that actively makes their mitochondria worse #you wouldnt start using a vase without fixing the cracks first #the water will spill out and the flower will die #degenerative disc disease

[deservedgrace]

I don't think that framing "Marginalized™️ Atheism/Deconstruction" and "Cishet White Male Atheism/Deconstruction" as inherently ~separate and distinct~ is super effective (and disclaimer I'm specifically speaking about my experience with christianity, atheism, and ex christian atheists/deconstructors), but also... okay so I was raised in a cult, and cults are oppressive for all its members. Nobody gets out unscathed, everyone experiences the abuse tactics, everybody is a victim. But within the cult there is a hierarchy, and cishet white men are at the top. So while the cult is oppressive to everyone, and everyone is harmed in some way, it is also uniquely oppressive to queer folks, to BIPOC, to disabled folks, to women, etc etc. And the thing that happens to some of those cishet white men is they leave an oppressive cult, where they are considered the "default", and they go into the ~real world~, where they are also considered the "default", and even in atheist/deconstruction spaces, their bodies and experiences are often the leading voices.

The men that leave go from an oppressive patriarchal culture to a far less oppressive (to them) patriarchal society. The white people that leave go from an oppressive racist culture to a far less oppressive (to them) racist society. The people that leave go from an oppressive culture that does not value marginalized voices to a different, less oppressive culture that also does not value marginalized voices. And if you personally do not experience [xyz] oppression, it can be difficult to even realize there are things surrounding that you have to deconstruct unless you listen to the voices of the oppressed. But some cishet white men go from being considered the "default" in an oppressive culture, to being considered the "default" in a less oppressive culture (to them). Their experience of "overcoming systemic oppression" comes from leaving the church, and it can be really easy to fall into the trap that the church, specifically, is the sole oppressor and enemy of everyone.

Of course this doesn't happen in every single case and it's also not exclusive to cishet white men. But those blind spots are why I think it's important for everyone to listen to a variety of voices when they're deconstructing, especially if those voices are talking about oppression you wouldn't have experienced firsthand.

No, our deconstructions are not inherently different, but the experiences and circumstances prior to it often are. It's okay to acknowledge that and beneficial for everybody to listen to each other's experiences.

#ex cult #ex christian #deconstruction #also extremely not claiming that i was or even am currently perfect about this #it really wasn't something i considered until the last couple years and i started getting on deconstruction tiktok #but when i was first deconstructing almost all of the deconstruction content i was consuming was cishet white and male #(one person not being het) #and like tbf these people generally seemed like good people just trying to do their best. it's nothing against them #but i didn't realize how like... important listening to other voices would be #both for the camaraderie and for learning #like yes i was chronically ill while in the church w both mental and physical conditions and it was damaging to me #but i was also not visibly disabled #and i didn't really pick up on how the church treated and harmed people who are visibly disabled while i was in it #and it wasn't something i really considered until i saw someone who was visibly disabled talk about their experience #how they'd get harassed at church #how everyone wanted to lay hands and pray for a miracle #how they were treated as the problem when praying didn't cure them #how people thought it was caused by sin or demons or lack of faith or whatever else #yes there is some overlap in our experiences but some things just didn't even cross my mind before bc it wasn't my personal experience #anyway diversify the voices you listen to when you're deconstructing it's good for you!!!

[intersex-support]

Something that has been helpful for me when having conversations about what counts as intersex is to really engage in enquiry about what the label means and how we're using it. To me, it's been more helpful to think through questions like:

What purpose does labeling a variation as intersex serve?

In what ways is societal understandings of "typical" changing?

Why was the label of intersex created and has our use of the label shifted?

What ways are we building intersex community? What do we want intersex community to look like?

How do our experiences of oppression impact our understanding of intersex as a term?

What sources are we drawing from when we develop definitions of intersex?

What is the history of the way intersex has been used?

What ways has intersex community been exclusionary in the past, and is that in line with our current values?

Definitions of intersex have always been tied up with what the medical world decides to classify as differences of sex development, but especially in the past twenty years as intersex community has grown more connected, we've started to have a lot more self-determination in our communities. But I think a lot of people still really have a misconception that intersex is a biological "third sex" that is strictly medically defined, and that there are clear cutoffs between intersex and endosex.

Instead, I'd like to bring in the concept of compulsory dyadism to introduce a framework where intersex is an intentional political label used as a way to build community for the people whose variation of sex characteristics are most impacted by the stigma and violence associated with compulsory dyadism.

Sex diversity is not just limited to intersex people. Even within the boundaries of dyadic/endosex bodies, people have variations like different amounts of body hair, penis size, hormone levels, breast size, as well as things like disabilities affecting any of those traits. For example, very few people actually have all the "ideal" traits that line up with this constructed idea of an endosex body that has the exact "correct" amount of estrogen, the right size chest, the ability to bear children, "normal" periods. Many endosex people might have a variation in one of those aspects at differing times during their life, such as during menopause, for example. And this framework can help us understand how diagnoses such as endometriosis are not intersex, but people might still notice overlaps in certain experiences.

But the reason that not everyone is considered intersex and the reason that having a separation between endosex and intersex is important is because of the stigma and violence associated with straying further and further from that dyadic norm, and intersex is a label used to describe people who are the most impacted by that stigma and violence. We have been socially labeled as "deviating" the most from the "normal" sex binary, and consequentially face intersexism both on a systematic and personal level. Our collection of sex variations becomes located entirely outside of the sex binary, and as a result, we often face curative violence, social stigma, and systematic exclusion from many parts of society.

This definition isn't a perfect definition. I think we need to have room to develop more nuance around the fact that many intersex people might not feel like their experience of being intersex has brought them any personal stigma or violence, as well as understanding that there isn't going to be a universal intersex experience. Even when discussing how intersex people are the most impacted by compulsory dyadism compared to endosex people, I think it's important to recognize that within the intersex community, our additional intersecting identities are absolutely going to influence our experiences with oppression and that it's vital to intentionally uplift the members of our intersex community who are most impacted by oppression. In the United States, the creation of the sex binary was an explicitly racist process, and racialized intersex people are subject to additional layers of stigma, violence and scrutiny. (Check out chapters 4-6 in the book Cripping Intersex by Dr. Celeste Orr for a really in depth discussion of how antiblackness and compulsory dyadism are forces behind why the Olympic sports sex testing has pretty much exclusively targeted Black women from the Global South, regardless of whether or not they are actually intersex. Also recommend reading The Biopolitics of Feeling: Race, Sex, and Science in the Nineteenth Century by Dr Kyla Schuller.) I also have talked with many intersex people who are tired of us always being represented through trauma narratives in the media, and who want us to be able to build a definition of intersex that isn't based around violence or tragedy. And I think that's really important that we also share our stories of intersex joy, and pride, and healing. I think that claiming intersex can be something really radical, and that's super valuable to me.

Overall I think that if we build our discussions around who is intersex on concepts to do with our social and political location, and take into consideration concepts like compulsory dyadism, sex diversity, and disability, we are going to be able to understand why any of it matters better than if our determinations of intersex identity are based solely in medicalized concepts of a third sex.

TL;DR: Although endosex people also have diversity when it comes to sex traits, intersex is still an important label that not everyone can claim. Compulsory dyadism is a force that affects all of us, but intersex people are the most impacted by compulsory dyadism and face intersexist stigma and violence for our intersex variations. As a result, intersex is an important label for us to claim so that we can build community and solidarity around our experiences. I think it is better understood as a sociopolitical label that describes the relationship between our biological bodies and the cultures we live in, rather than as a medicalized term that described a coherent "third sex."

other intersex people feel free to add on to this post-I'm only one person without all the answers, and would love to hear other perspectives!

#intersex #actuallyintersex #intersexism #disability justice #disability #trans #compulsory dyadism #cripping intersex #anyway again! i'm just one person and i am not in charge of intersex community #these frameworks have been really helpful for me. might not be helpful for you and that's okay! #this is just kind of a long post about some things i've been thinking about bc like. every time someone sends in an ask #asking about what is or isn't intersex. where the lines are. that sort of thing #i have a lot of thoughts about how there are lines. not everyone is intersex. endosex people cannot just claim intersex on a whim. #but at the same time those lines are sometimes blurred! it's not clear why some diagnoses r automatically considered intersex and some are #not considered intersex. #and i think that it's been helpful for me to look into okay what does this say about our oppression. our community. our bodies. what is #the history and what is the present? why does it matter? why do we need the label? how does it serve us #and Dr. Orr has been really influential in their theory of compulsory dyadism #also i

[darcyolsson]

spent years avoiding telling ppl about my health problems only to find out it barely makes a difference if i do tell them bc people literally just dont remember 😭😭😭 it does not change people's perception of me in a big way it literally doesnt even change people's perception of me in a small way. like for example remembering that i told them that i am disabled

#(i dont like the word disabled/dont think it's fully accurate but for lack of a better word) #literally told my new friend that the reason i always go to bed early is bc i suffer from chronic fatigue #and then he texted me at 10-ish pm and i told him the next morning that i didnt reply bc i was asleep #and he was like 'omg whattt why so early youre such a nerd lol 🤣' #no it's not because i am a nerd it's bc i suffer from chronic fatigue.... like i told you explicitly literally YESTERDAY?? 😭😭 #personal

[giantkillerjack]

One of the things I love about Glass Onion is the way that the camera and music work together to tell nonverbal jokes.

Like when Benoit basically has to hold Miles' hand to get him to the conclusion that someone reset the puzzle box Benoit lies about receiving:

Benoit asks if it's possible that someone reset the box, and Miles then declares that someone must have reset the box like it is this huge reveal - and the camera zooms out while the music subtly swells as though he really has figured out something smart, when actually he literally restated what Benoit just said.

#original #I love the reveal that he's not even a smart con artist he's just a piece of shit #he's just a shameless copycat that people keep enabling to do bad things bc they assume he knows what he's talking about bc he's rich #like that line in Fiddler on the Roof - 'it won't matter if I'm wrong or if I'm right cuz you're rich they think you really know!' #glass onion #knives out glass onion #benoit blanc #Daniel Craig #ed norton #I hope the YouTuber sideways does a video about this because he does incredible music theory videos about movie scores #and I bet there are a bunch of hidden meanings within the music that I have no idea how to pick out #that man is like a wizard to me I don't understand how someone can understand music that much! #So cool! #I started this movie like 2 hours ago and I'm barely half an hour in cuz I keep stopping to write film theory essays on Tumblr #oh Adderall you cad! #I have no regrets I feel like this is helping me understand film better. i care a lot about the language of Storytelling #and I must say my favorite medium is film. I am writing a graphic novel right now but if I knew I could just skip that part and make it #into a show. I would do that. I don't wanna draw that much! I like drawing! but I want to see it as a show!! #this is too many drawings!!!!! #but for various reasons the film industry is not really a great place for me - or even possible as a physically disabled person #hard to work yourself up to the director's chair when all the entry positions involve standing for 14 hours at a time #I hope that if I ever do manage to make my graphic novel into a TV show that I will maintain enough control over the project to ensure #accessible hiring practices and workplaces #but in the meantime I guess I have to make waaaay too many drawings #no I can't shorten the story I don't have that kind of control it is an epic saga and the world's longest Slow Burn and that is that

[krispiecake]

tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.

#and staff just say ‘oh we can’t do anything bc its not 11pm yet.’ #ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. #i am autistic person who has just spent a full 12hrs in extremely overstimulating public spaces #i am exhausted and i have had to wake up at ass o’clock in the fucking morning #every day for the past like week and a half and will be expected to do so for the forseeable future #i am extremely sensitive to noise and have no ability to zone things out #like everything is always at the same volume for me #all the fucking time no matter what #and they say like oh well in the community there wouldnt be anything to be done so we cant do anything here #BUT WE ARENT IN THE COMMUNITY. ARE WE. WE ARE AT A SUPPORTED LIVING ACCOMMODATION WHERE I HAVE BEEN PLACED #BY MY LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO ARE PAYING TWENTY THREE GRAND A YEAR #AND I AM PAYING FIVE HUNDRED A MONTH #IN ORDER TO RECIEVE SUPPORT FOR MY DISABILITIES. A BIG ONE BEING MY FUCKING AUTISM. #YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHICH IS BEING DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY THE BEHAVIOUR OF ANOTHER TENANT. #WHEN I AM BEING PUSHED TO MY LIMIT ALREADY. LIKE IDK FEELS KINDA CRAZY THAT THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SORTED. #i fucking hate men there is just literally no fucking respect or consideration like its genuinely disgusting and so fucking infuriating #and like he says that staff (women. btw) are being too naggy about it. but never fucking stops to consider that maybe. #maybe people wouldnt have to ‘nag’ you about it IF YOU JUST. DIDNT DO THE THING THAT IS ACTIVELY CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE STRESS. #IDK FUCKING WILD IDEA JUST THOUGHT OF IT. #literally die i want everyone involved to die like I CANNOT DO THISSSSSSSSSSSS

[crimeronan]

i should go on the record as a known disabled hunter truther to say i'm fine with him having magic now. there are several reasons for this (such as: powerless witches are not a one-to-one disability metaphor & there are many Many different ways to tell disability stories in the first place) but the biggest one is how it's been handled thus far. it remains to be seen if i'll like how the finale explores his magic but i liked that hunter uses the teleportation spell that came very naturally to him with a staff and i liked that he didn't even realize he'd done it at first. i liked that there was no sense of "ah, finally, i have been given a Missing Piece and had my Humanity Restored and can finally be a Real Boy Who Can Meet His Full Potential instead of Suffering Abjectly" there wasn't any weird tonally-dissonant celebration or shittiness. i liked that the narrative tied the magic back into hunter's grief instead, that's the direction i Hoped they'd go if this plot point happened. i liked that hunter's magic manifested when he was saving willow and telling her not to call herself half-a-witch, while willow was losing control of her magic in a way that read VERY chronic illness (whether physical or mental) to me. i liked that hunter and willow still have their camaraderie and shared experiences with being half-a-witch even if neither is actually marginalized in this way anymore. i liked that we didn't see hunter do any magic EXCEPT the teleportation and i ESPECIALLY liked that he doesn't seem to know HOW to do any other magic. i liked that hunter was not suddenly 'cured' in a way that made him a prolific natural-talent powerhouse witch when that would make no fucking sense. i'm not even rationalizing a bad feeling here, like, if i felt icky at all about this i would be writing disappointed/fix-it meta instead. but it didn't feel like a saccharine inspiration porn story and it ALSO didn't feel like it took any of the disability vibes and experiences away from hunter's character, which is what i most worried about. i'm sure other disabled people have other opinions on this which is fine, i know it's been divisive in the weeks leading up to for the future. but yeah i was very cool with how everything went down. it was a plot point that could very easily have been yucky but the yuck factor was well avoided imo. hunter and willow disability parallels and solidarity remain some of the Best Shit In The Whole Show.

#toh #toh spoilers #hunter toh #willow park #toh meta #again this is my personal takeaway not an empirical objective analysis #some people are sad about it bc of what they personally want from disability stories and that's also fine. #but i did not feel microaggressed and i am. Very sensitive to disability microaggressions. esp with characters i project on. #long post

[camille-lachenille]

Me: So, I have these dizzy spells that take me when I am walking and I almost fall bc of them. I also have trouble standing for any period of time because of my poor balance, which is made worse by the above mentioned dizzy spells.

My doctor: have you considered sitting down when this happens?

Me: Gee, thank you Sherlock! I really never thought that sitting down could solve my problem with standing up. But did you hear the part where I told you I kind of like walking and the point is for me to still be able to go out of the house for more than 1 hour at a time?

#i am deeply grateful for the medical support i have #but doctors can be dumb as fuck sometimes! #granted this was not my specialist for pain and weird stuff but still #he studied the samd basics of medicine and should be able to connect the dots #i am aware a cane or other mobility aid can cause other issues #but it’s also for specific situations i’d need one so it’s not the end of the world #i just want to be able to visit a city without relying on an unknown benches situation and falling over bc of a dizzy spell #but noooo #we don’t want young people to rely on canes bc they could become dependent! #fuck them #i just want to be able to live by myself if only a little bit! #so fucking listen to me and propose relevant solutions! #the doc proposed carrying around one of those small stools fishers use #but have you considered i don’t have the time to pull that thing out unfold it and sit when i am dizzy? #rant #personal post #heds #hypermobile ehlers danlos #actually disabled

[atopvisenyashill]

we always talk about how theon should be at the club or renly should be at the club but i think tyrion should be in therapy, this seems obvious but i’m talking about even non extensive, you have mediocre healthcare and can only get a therapist for eight sessions before you reach the edge of their expertise which is mostly just unipolar depression & grief from a grandparent’s death, bc even the world’s shittiest therapist would listen to that man talk and be like “have you ever thought of just going no contact? it doesn’t seem like this is healthy and family clearly doesn’t give a shit. just like, change your number” ya know, and going no contact is a lot easier if you’re a trust fund baby in the 21st century bc he can just use the relatives he still talks to (im assuming gemma and jaime) as references for some high paying nothingburger job, move out, get a new phone, and just never see his dad again. like not for nothing but sometimes just waking up and knowing you never have to see that man’s bitch ass again?? it’s very healing.

#i’m thinking about fatherhood a lot wjsjdjd #i am the first person to point to rosalie kennedy and scream incoherently when people say that being rich completely alleviates prejudice #from disability bc that’s just functionally not and has never been true. but like if tyrion is born in the year 1992 as a trust fund kid? #he’s gonna get to college see the social worker who is gonna be like ‘maybe just don’t go home for the holiday? just find a friend to spend #winter break with?’ and give him some lexapro and he’s gonna be like oh my god. i can just stop talking to my family. #yeah baby you can!!!! you can just leave!!!!!!!!! tyrion just leave pls for the love of god 😔😔 #getting on my soap box

[thee-radio-host-is-a-kookaburra]

i think I'd take the "glass child" shit more seriously if 98% of the ppl i see talking about it weren't like "My sibling was physically disabled and my parents took care of them??!?! Why wasn't I given breakfast in bed??? I mean, I know I'm capable of getting food and my siblings physically couldn't, but this is just so unfair!!! Btw I have visual snow syndrome so I'm like just as disabled as my paralyzed sibling!!"

#max squawks #like maybe there are rare cases where a child is ACTUALLY neglected bc of a disabled sibling #but like #most ppl claiming to be glass children just seem to not know the difference between equity and equality #like my parents sometimes can't pick me up or get me food bc they're busy with work #but it's not fucking child neglect #I am perfectly capable of getting those things on my own #a parent giving their disabled child stuff that they don't give their abled child isn't “neglect” #it's literally just caring for a disabled person #that's like seeing people in wheelchairs at the hospital and going “so these people get wheelchairs while I have to walk??” #while ignoring the fact that those people actually need wheelchairs to get around and you do not #ok sorry for the rant #I just really hate the term “glass child” #ableism #disability #glass child

[hauntedwoman]

as badly as i want to avoid my mom she is making it extremely difficult

#i feel really bad that im so angry at her and she doesnt even know it #but my entire living situation is making me miserable right now and its her fault #she charges me $50 in rent every week and shes increasing it to $125 a week at the end of the month #the only reason this is happening is because she FORCED ME to drop out and the only other alternative was that i had to work full time + pa #rent.............. but like at my job even if im working 40 hrs a week ill only be making abt $900 a month #so i will barely have anything leftover for myself after rent #and i cannot get a second job bc i frankly can not handle it at all + what hours would i even work #and my mom refuses to understand that the reason i had to drop out is bc i am so depressed and so suicidal and i just dont want to live #she doesnt acknowledge that im disabled and severely mentally ill #every time i try to talk about my mental health she treats me like im such a burden to her even though i literally never tell her anything #personal anymore bc she just doesnt listen or care #ALSO she FORCED ME to move across the country and transfer schools when i really did not want (hence why i flunked all of my classes bc i d #not care) but like. everything thats wrong in my life rn is bc i do not want ot live where im living and theres no way for me to go back to #texas and also i dont rly wanna live w my dad either #but anyways. this whole situation would be better if my mom was using me paying rent as an actual lesson in adult respinsibility #but it's really just a punishment because i cant function the way she wants me to #and im over it #so fucking over it why am i such a pussy why cant i just die

[trans-axolotl]

having a lot of thoughts about eating disorders + how some of us end up developing chronic illnesses directly because of the physical effects of our eating disorders and how Cruel doctors can be about that and just trying to untangle so much shame and blame from that experience rn

#personal #vent #eating disorder tw #disability #idk. i don't quite have the words for this right now but #had another meeting with my doctor where they said yeah its your fault that you are now physically disabled for life #(literally i was chronically ill and physically disabled before i even developed an eating disorder because of CAH and comorbidities but #(they love to ignore that !) #which is like. i do not tie any morality to health and it should just be #a completely neutral statement. that my eating disorder caused other physical complications #they said i'm going to have orthostatic problems the rest of my life. #'since your gastroparesis was caused by your eating disorder that means there is no point in treating it' #which is so funny bc literally every time i see her my dietitan wants me to get a feeding tube! lmfao!!!! #i am actually doing pretty well in recovery in terms of meeting my energy needs through food. but i stopped being able to orally supplement #so my dietitan wants a tube for ARFID nutrient reasons. supplemental nutrition etc etc. and she thinks it will help gastroparesis symptoms #they also think i have osteoporosis and want to test me for that #when i had to use forearm crutches/ wheelchair because of physical ed complications doctors were SO fucking rude even though they were #the ones PRESCRIBING IT!!! like!!! you all are the ones telling me i HAVE to do this! #idk i also have a friend with permanent brain damage. from seizures in the refeeding process #and her doctors are so fucking rude to her all the time. #it makes me so mad

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

Better accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues should suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things!

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to take to cut your awkward self some slack for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

#social skills #i have a few posts now in my ' social skills' tag #original #maybe eventually I will compile them and polish them in some meaningful way. I know what I want to call the book title #in big text it'll say 'I'M AUTISTIC' and then beneath that in smaller text 'And I Have Better Social Skills Than You' #or something to that effect. and the cover of the book will be me making an exaggerated smug face like the little rascal I am #challenging the viewer to pick up the book and see if they can prove me wrong. #and then the entire first section of the book is about how actually the issue with our society's social skills is the harsh judgment #for people who have trouble communicating and not the other way around. I don't actually think I'm the #most charismatic person in the world by a very long shot. but i do know that I have put more thought into my social skills than #most allistic people and frankly i have surpassed most of them. not because i am more persuasive or smooth or funny #(tho i am persuasive and funny lol) but bc i have questioned which social functions are more restriction than utility. #and instead i have focused my energy on actively learning how to make people feel safe. i feel social rules would benefit all people by #being a little more autistic tyvm. i don't think every person should dedicate themselves to being better at communicating #i think people should dedicate themselves to being kind and patient to everyone regardless of their ability to communicate #I think our society wrongly links communication ability to intelligence and intelligence to level of humanity. #when in fact all three of those things are fucking unrelated and connecting them inevitably leads to #really fucked up views on disabled people that hurt us. and then with that aspect of the book firmly understood and established I would #go on to recommend some ways to make socializing easier and more fulfilling (and less shameful and terrifying) for all kinds of people #it wouldn't be a book about Leaning In To Succeed in Business or 'here's how to avoid being the awkward loner at a party' #it'd be a book about how if you see someone alone at a party here's how to invite them to join your group without pressuring them #stuff like 'hot tip! if someone takes a while to type or speak a full sentence - talking over them b4 they can finish makes u an asshole!' #I know that a lot of people cannot or don't want to dump a lot of skill points into socializing like i did and they shouldn't have to in #order to experience basic dignity and respect. if we treat people like that then we just validate that people - especially #autistic children and elders and disabled people of manu varieties - have to suffer unless they learn all these arbitrary bullshit rules #and a lot of them are arbitrary bullshit! one of the reasons I throw people off so much is because I harmlessly break a lot of social rules #but I know I'm doing it and I'm not ashamed and people just don't know what to do with that! but a lot of them like it actually!! #i think it's a relief to be around someone so openly and unrelentingly weird bc what am I gonna do? judge you for being weird?? #I only care if you're kind. not necessarily 'nice' or passive. Kind. Brave enough to care about people being treated well. Kind. #also I recognize that at least some of my ability to be openly weird is white privilege so that's important to acknowledge too