#because i KNOW she'd tell me i'd go to hell if i ever tried to kill myself

[salsflore]

⠀

#cw negative #its not that bad i just need 2 rant for a bit #because like why does my mother say such ridiculous shit sometimes #i went to go wash my dish and she said ah youre finally doing the dishes .. LIKE i try to but what do i do when my brother insists on doing #it everytime ! and takes it from my hands and blocks the sink and he’ll make a big fuss if i don’t let him do it ! #like literally scold me and tell me to put it down or else he’ll get irritated #i lightheartedly told her that and then she was like well yeah you're still a woman then went on about how its the womans job to [ . . . ] #its really the small things like that i think. she has such outdated beliefs. i hear her saying things like its the womans job to take care #of the house and her man and etc and i'm like ok i Know i literally won't win if i try to do so much as nudge her #but then she also talks about other things that just irk the shit out of me !!! the rapture abortion etc #the one time she told me to my face if she couldve aborted me she would have. making comments on my body and just #i don't hate her. overall we have a good relationship. but its just these small things and her gross outdated beliefs and how gullible she #can be and stuff like that. she tells me i have such an easy life but i can't bear to tell her i was ever suicidal or ever self harmed #because i KNOW she'd tell me i'd go to hell if i ever tried to kill myself #i know this wholeee thing might be really intense and sad and stuff but i'm totally okay /gen i'm just! awfully irritated #thinking back on all those dumbass things she's said and done like. agh;; #its not her fault i think ive noticed a lot of filipina women (or at least the ones around me) tend to hold those beliefs so she was prolly #taught these as a child but . come on!! im so tired of the misogynistic shit she says and . ugh #cw self harm mention #cw suicide mention

[inkskinned]

i love finding out how big this world is. my girlfriend has only visited boston a handful of times, but i grew up here. i told her we'd be going to do the tourist traps in salem, and she said - which salem?

to be fair to her, there are a lot of other states that have a town named "salem." and i think there's some evidence that the witch trials actually happened in what is now called Danvers. but the thing is - she thought "salem" was like, a made-up thing. there wasn't actually a salem, massachusetts - like there isn't a gotham city.

they don't talk about it that much where she grew up, is the thing! and this made me laugh. a week ago she was talking about her hometown and said something akin to "well the museum's kinda like the one in richmond," and i had to explain i still had no frame of reference for what the hell this museum was like.

i love finding out what knowledge i take for granted. i used to live with 5 other women. 3 of them were from south korea. they had to take, like, a solid fifteen minutes to explain their birthday system to my gay math-blind ass, laughing as they did.

that same month, our roommate from denmark taught me the danish word for wreath by accident - she'd been talking about decorations, used krans, and i'd been able to figure it out through context. i just picked it up and kept talking. our entire house used krans as the word. she came home and slammed the door one evening, mock-angry, shouting: you motherfuckers! it's a - a wreath!

and how often do you use certain words, anyway! i am cuban, so i was raised with certain spanish words sort of sprinkled in there; but never how you'd think. in middle school i asked someone to pass me the recogedor - in a completely american accent, like i was speaking english. i hadn't registered it as a spanish word. i mean, how often in school do you actually use the word "dustpan" - i'd only ever heard it in the context of cleaning my house.

there are places that you grew up that you, just, like, know. that you assume everyone knows. there are things and people and "common knowledge" that you have that, just, like. doesn't exist for me. i don't know what you call your public transportation system, but in boston we call it "the T". our train cards are called charlie cards because of a song where a father accidentally abandons his family, which was written because our system of transportation. in boston, most people would snort and say everyone knows that, kid.

i think you and i should go on a long walk - it's getting dark early these days and we need any sun we can manage. tell me about the first time you saw snow. tell me about the stuff everyone knows about your home. tell me about the cities "everyone's been to," about the food "everyone's already tried." who knows. maybe it will feel nice to you - watching someone learn about it for the very first time.

#spilled ink #warm up #4/10 #loved this interaction with them tho i have to be honest.

[megankoumori]

In defense of a "Wicked Stepmother":

Sarah's Stepmother in "Labyrinth", named Irene in tie-in media, only gets about a minute of screen time before Sarah rushes off to her room in a soaked snit. Fanfic writers usually turn her into an evil bitch and even the manga sequel, "Return to Labyrinth", has her cold and abusive to Toby, her biological child. But here's the thing...

I think Sarah's mother gets a bum rap.

Dressing nicely for an evening out and having mild conflict with a teenager does not a Lady Tremaine make. And as someone who actually lived with a narcissistic, manipulative, emotionally abusive stepfather, I can tell you that Irene doesn't even come close to wicked step parent territory.

Backstory first. It's never spoken of in the film, but clues in Sarah's room tell us that her real mother is a stage actress who abandoned her and her father for another actor. Sarah idolizes her mother and tries to emulate her with play acting. Sarah's father met and married Irene sometime after Linda ran off, and Sarah, who thinks her mom walks on water, resents the hell out of Irene for taking her place. A place that Linda abandoned for another man.

She couldn't help it. He looked like David Bowie.

Let's look at her first alledged transgression. She won't let Merlin into the house. Instead she orders him into the garage. Heartless, we assume because we all love dogs and only the most soulless of monsters don't. But slow down. She didn't leave him out in the rain. She put him in the garage. Furthermore, Merlin is an Old English Sheepdog. Is he a nice dog? Sure, but he's also a breed that's notorious for being high maintenance and hard to keep clean and right now he's soaking wet and filthy. Irene isn't being cruel, she's trying to keep him from ruining the carpet.

So now Sarah and Irene are in the house about to have their confrontation. "Sarah, you're an hour late..."

Sarah lost track of time. Sarah is the one who screwed up. Irene has every right to be frustrated. For all we know, she and Robert were supposed to see a movie or meet someone and Sarah's tardiness wrecks their plans. Note, please, that while she is frustrated, she's not even yelling. My mom would have screamed bloody murder and then held it over my head for weeks.

"Your father and I go out very rarely..."

"You go out every single weekend!"

There is no way to confirm who is right on this. I will say Sarah is the one prone to hysterics and exaggeration, so it's not looking good for her.

"And I ask you to babysit only if it won't interfere with your plans."

I ask. Irene asks. She doesn't demand, and she doesn't expect Sarah to give up her previous plans.

"Well how would you know what my plans are? You don't even ask me anymore!"

Sarah, you were LARPing in a park by yourself. Furthermore, with the storm you would have gone home anyway.

"Well I assume you would tell me if you had a date. I'd like it if you had a date. You should have dates at your age."

Irene doesn't want Sarah to be a Cinderella stuck at home every night. She wants her to go out and have a social life. This is literally the opposite of the bedtime story Sarah tells Toby later.

Also, "I'd assume you tell me..." Irene might not be wording it in the best way here, but she wants Sarah to communicate with her. She wants them to have a relationship.

Then Robert enters the scene. "Sarah, you're home. We were worried about you."

WE were worried. As in both he and Irene. You think that's the reason she was waiting on the porch? Because their sixteen year old daughter is an hour past when she said she'd be home and now it's raining and getting dark?

It's not like she'd ever talk to a stranger.

Sarah runs up the stairs in a snit, not even acknowledging her father and leaving Irene dismayed. "She treats me like a wicked stepmother in a fairy story no matter what I say." Her voice isn't angry, it's hurt. She's making an effort to reach Sarah, but nothings working. She can't break through the tantrums and the anger and the hero worship of Linda.

Sarah is a fantasy junkie. It's all over her room. Her books are all fairy tales. Her dog and her teddy bear are named after figures from Arthurian legend. But she's wrapped herself in a different kind of fantasy, a toxic one. One where Irene, well meaning and kind, is one of the evil stepmothers from her fairytale books, while Linda is good and virtuous like one of the dead moms at the beginning. Except Linda isn't dead. She's shtupping a costar.

Part of Sarah's coming of age and maturity is rejecting Jareth, the stand in for her mother's lover and therefore finally rejecting following her mother's selfish path. We see her finally let go of Linda by putting her picture and clippings in the drawer. Hopefully, the next morning, after she picks the confetti out of her hair, she'll finally be able to start over with Irene.

#labyrinth #jim henson #sarah williams #the goblin king #jareth #david bowie

[lovewithmary]

(not) moving on — a max verstappen x stark!oc x charles leclerc series

★ fc: madison beer ☆ summary: evangeline "evie" stark is in love with her best friend, max verstappen, but he tries his best to keep her at arm's length. but what happens when she starts to get close to his fellow drivers in the paddock? ★ notes: charles and evie's relationship does seem fast but at the same time this is fiction and i want to get into the good stuff asap

previous next series masterlist

eviestark’s instagram story

"Do you think you're ever going to talk to Max again?"

Evie looked at Charles incredulously and said, "We're on a yacht, isolated from the rest of the world, meaning we can do whatever we want, and you decide you want to talk about Max?"

"Trust me, amor, I intend to do whatever you let me do, but I was just curious," Charles told her, caressing her sides as a way to appease her.

"Isn't it weird for you to ask considering I had feelings for him yet we're... What are we, exactly?" Evie asked.

"I don't think you need to try and cover up the fact that you're still in love with Max, amor, I already know," Charles told her.

"And we're whatever you want to be. However, I'd like to ask you to be my girlfriend one of these days," he added.

Evie looked at him very confused. He was the most confusing person she'd ever met, and one of her uncles was Thor. She'd never felt so exposed ever, and he was someone she met not too long ago. "How are you so okay about all of this? Anyone in your place would've run away screaming by now if they knew," Evie told him.

"Max was and will continue to be a big constant in your life, I can't deny that or pretend it never happened. Yes, you two aren't talking but sooner or later you guys will talk—"

"He has to apologize first," Evie interrupted him, and Charles nodded in agreement and also understanding.

While Evie told Charles the abridged version of what happened on the very day she swore to stop talking to Max, she didn't tell him the exact words Max had said. That was because he was already getting mad at Max and was ready to defend Evie when he had heard the short version, so if she were to tell Charles the full story? All hell will might break loose.

"He apologizes and makes it up to you, then you guys talk again. But, amor, can you honestly say that the minute Max says he wants to be with you, you aren't going to jump at the chance?"

"He could say he would give me everything in the world if it meant being with him and I'd say no," Evie confidently told him, shocking the Ferrari driver.

At the sight of his shocked expression, she explained, "While I can't deny that I still have feelings for Max, I don't think I would be able to be with him, a simple sorry isn't enough for me. He has to grovel. But also, I'd be stupid to not realize what's in front of me,"

"Also, I can get everything in the world by myself. I don't need his help,"

"Did you attend any of Max's karting races when we were all younger?" Charles asked.

"I feel like you like Max more than me," Evie teased, wrapping her arms around Charles' neck while he placed his hands on her waist.

Charles ignored her comment but Evie could tell that he was flustered, as the tip of his ears were red, but she was wise not to comment. "I was just wondering, since you attending the races would've meant that I could've met you and not known at all," he told her.

She hummed, finding herself caressing the back of his head, messing with his hair. "I did attend some of the races, but I was practically attached to Jos whenever I did," she informed him.

Charles wrinkled his nose at the mention of the older Verstappen. "Jos? You had to hang around Jos when we were younger and you're still alive to tell the tale?" He asked in disbelief, remembering how the man was during his and Max's karting days but also when he visits the paddock.

"Jos thought I was going to be a distraction for Max because god forbid he has one friend. But, he kept me around because he knew my dad and also I wasn't that big of a distraction like he thought. So, per my dad's request, he would make sure I didn't get ambushed by crazy fans,"

"Why couldn't your dad go with you?"

"He's Iron Man. And if Iron Man were to go to a karting race when he's only known to go to Formula One races, don't you think that's a bit suspicious? Papa didn't want people who were there for him, he wanted the karting event to be all about the drivers,"

"So there's a small chance I could've met you?"

"Probably, but at the same time, I would've remembered someone if they said inchident," Evie replied, bursting into giggles at seeing Charles' reaction.

"How do you know about the inchident?" He asked, smiling at her giggling.

"Come on, amore, ever since I was seen with you, everyone has been tagging me and I see it on my timeline more than any other post," Evie told him.

"Amore?"

"Well, I figured that since you called me amor, I'll call you amore,"

"I like it,"

"Well, it was either that or Lightning McQueen. And you never like it whenever I say ka-chow," she pouted.

"It's not like I don't mind it when you say ka-chow, but I preferred if you didn't say it after we have sex,"

#f1 imagine #f1 instagram au #f1 x oc #f1 ig au #f1 oc #f1 smau #f1 social media au #f1 x reader #f1 x y/n #f1 x you #(not) moving on #charles leclerc fanfic #charles leclerc x you #charles leclerc imagine #f1 imagines #charles leclerc fic #max verstappen smau #max verstappen x oc #max verstappen x reader #max verstappen fic

[angelltheninth]

Arcane Characters Waking Up With Your Head Between Their Thighs

Pairing: Jinx, Vi, Caitlyn, Ekko, Silco, Sevika, Viktor, Jayce, Mel, Ambessa x Reader

Tags: nsfw, smut, dirty talk, cunnilingus, blowjobs, handjobs, hair pulling (for Reader), praise, slight somnophilia

A/N: I don't know how this one came to me but it did.

Jinx would probably close her legs around your head on instinct. Given how many times you've eaten her out before it's not that odd that she'd have a few dreams about it too.

Seeing you eating her out first thing in the morning sure as hell doesn't make her wanna get out of bed any sooner. Oh there are things on the agenda for the day sure, but feeling your mouth on her makes all those thoughts fly out the window.

"I see someone was was having the same dream I was and decided to make it a reality eh sugar? If this was your plan to wake me up and get me to get out of bed it's working very poorly. I'd much rather spend the morning riding your pretty face."

Vi has never had this happen before and actually her first instinct was to try and kick you. Oh she saw you make your way down there but she thought she was dreaming, so when she actually felt your lips on her she tried to kick at you. Luckily she missed.

Once she heard you yelp she was more than awake and aware of what you were trying to do. She found it really sweet but maybe next time wait until she's fully awake. Like... right now for instance.

"Fuck, shit, I'm so sorry! I almost broke your nose sweet stuff. Now that'd be a damn shame wouldn't it? I don't wanna ruin you wonderful face. Nah, I think it's damn cute what you tried to do. Go ahead, then, I'm fully awake now and... well you made me all wet already."

Caitlyn would moan, so loud and wonton the moment your lips make contact with her cunt. Her hands would be in your hair before you know it, her eyes still a little hazy as she relaxes more into the bed.

She loves being woken up like this, especially since the two of you don't get much opportunity for morning sex. But by gods she can't get enough right now, of your tongue poking and prodding into her cunt, spreading her lips with your fingers and diving in further, making her turn her head into her pillow to muffle her cries of your name.

"Darling ah-! You're really going to do this? Hmm... you're very good for me aren't you? Fuck. Am I gripping you too hard, does it hurt? Then could you put your tongue in please? Yes! Gods! Just a little... there! Gods, darling, I love you!"

Ekko would be a little spooked but not because of what you're doing but more out of fear of someone walking in on the two of you. Gods know none of his friends would ever let him live it down.

After a little convincing, most of which is done by you kissing and sucking along his cock he can't help but lay his head back onto the pillow, his hands gentle threading through your hair, encouraging you to keep going, nice and slow, he wants to enjoy this wake up call for a good, long while.

"Firefly! What are you- oh! Hmmn! What if someone walks in? Don't worry about it? Well... but... gods your mouth... ok, ok. Go slow, go slow. You can keep going, just go slow, I want to enjoy this properly cause when the fuck are we ever gonna find the time to do this again?"

Silco is the last person who's gonna complain about you sucking his dick first thing in the morning. In fact he thinks it should become a regular thing.

He'd curl his first into your hair, not tugging or pushing, just keeping it there as you bob your head up and down. He might tell you to go a little faster if he has something more urgent to do for the day, but otherwise he's happy to enjoy a slow, and horny morning with you.

"Enjoying yourself darling? Don't be shy, get back to it, I quite liked it. Is this your new way of waking me up hm? If not maybe it should be. And don't worry, once you're done I fully intent on returning the favor."

If you surprise Sevika by giving her cunnilingus first thing in the morning don't expect to leave her apartment for the whole day.

You can leave the bed but she will either drag you back fairly soon or follow you where ever you went and have sex with you again. You can expect a few scratches along your back early in the morning as well as her pushing your head closer as she rides your face, urging you to go faster, deeper.

"Where are you off to sweetheart? You didn't think we were done already did you? Fuck work, you can't tongue fuck me and think that'll be the end of it. Now come back here, or maybe you wanna do it somewhere else? Come on tell me. Showers, couch, table, wall, I'll fuck your brains out today sweetheart, you can bet on it."

Viktor is a little surprised by how bold you are but he's not gonna tell you to stop, not even he's already so painfully hard for you.

He doesn't hold back his moans or his whimpers as he watches you with hooded eyes. He tries very hard not to make a mess of you but he can't exactly help it, your mouth and tongue and hand feel so wonderful. He needs to come, he needs to watch his cum dripping down your chin.

"Good morning darling, did you decide to have an early snack? Haha, sure, go ahead, I won't complain. Hmn! Slow down a little! I'm trying to hold back, I really am, but you... shit! Fuck, I'm sorry darling, it seems like I made a bit of a mess of you haven't I? Well we can always get cleaned up together."

Jayce would think he's dreaming at first. He'd grab your hair and fuck you rough, just like he does when he's really dreaming. Only when he realizes he's awake he would stop immedietly.

He'd go apologize only for his apology to turn into a long moan as you wrap your lips around his cock again, your eyes pleading for him to hard again, to fuck your mouth till he's content. He's a little hesitant at first but he can't say no to that needy look in your eyes, to your little whimpers.

"Keep going babe, take my cock, faster, come on, take it fucking deep in your... oh! Oh! I... I'm sorry! Are you... uh... that was... I thought I was dreaming. You doing ok? I can get a little rough when I'm... oh fuck! You wanna keep going? You do huh? You want me to talk dirty to you while you choke on my cock? Yeah? Go on then, it's all yours to suck."

Mel welcomes it for sure. She's not used to waking up like that, mostly because she wakes up quite early and is usually the one to have to wake you up.

She would wrap her legs around your shoulders while slowly running her hand through your hair, scratching at your scalp when you hit that sweet spot inside her. Might try to hold back her moans but will eventually stop holding herself back and scream your name as loud as she needs to.

"This is quite a nice surprise darling? Is it a special occasion or do you plan on making it a reoccurring thing? I certainly hope it's the second option. If you get back to it right now I might have time to give you a surprise as well."

Ambessa thinks it's quite brave of you to go down on her so early. She knows that you know how she can't get enough of you, and this certainly isn't helping.

She would pull you into a kiss, flip you over on your back and then straddle your head. You need to finish what you started, and if you do a good enough job, not only with you get to have your fill of you but she'll fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk for a week.

"Sweetheart I admire your boldness but you should have known I won't let you off easy. Lay down, give me your tongue, nice and deep now. Good, you're being so good. Keep going, and when you're... hmm... when you're done I'm gonna make sure your can't walk straight after. Again, haha."

#arcane #arcane x reader #jinx x reader #vi x reader #caitlyn x reader #ekko x reader #silco x reader #sevika x reader #viktor x reader #jayce x reader #mel x reader #ambessa x reader #arcane headcanons #arcane imagines #arcane smut #league of leguends #league of legends imagine #league of legends headcanons #league of legends smut

[lucy90712]

hii

pls could write a Jude Bellingham x reader YN is Jobes best friend since they were like 5 and YN moved next door, she always had a crush on Jude and everyone could tell but he always turned her down and then he sees her tryna move on and he’s like what’d u think ur doing

WC: 2.8k Ever since I was born pretty much I've known the Bellinghams. When I was born Jude was a little over a year old and then Jobe was born about a year after that. Our parents were friends before any of us were born and they lived just down the road from each other so all of us have been around each other pretty much from the day we were born. As we grew up I only became closer with both Jude and Jobe but as we've gotten older I have gotten closer to Jobe as he's around more and I just feel like I have more in common with him than I do with Jude as he's older so he can always do things before we can. 

One of the other reasons I think I'm not as close with Jude is because I've had a crush on him for a while, when he moved away to go and play in Germany my feelings for him started to change. It seemed like he became a man all of a sudden, he wasn't the Jude I used to know from when we were in our early teens he was different, all of a sudden he was the most attractive man I'd ever seen. Whenever he came home all I could do was admire him and the muscles he'd clearly been working hard to get as well as his face which just seemed so perfect. It was obvious to everyone that I has a crush on Jude even Jobe made fun of me a few times for fawning over his brother. There came a time when Jude sat me down and tried letting me down gently saying that he thought we were better off as friends which hurt a hell of a lot at the time but I've since got over that disappointment. 

Sadly I never got over my feelings for Jude instead I just distracted myself with other guys who were nowhere near as good as Jude and honestly half of them I didn't even really like but it was only a bit of harmless flirting I never went any further as I just didn't want to. I know one day I'll meet a guy I love as much if not more than Jude and then I'll be happier than I am now pining over a guy that doesn't even like me back. It's been a while since I've seen Jude as he's been so busy with the end of the season which has actually helped me quite a lot as not seeing him and trying not to pay much attention to things he posts has kept him out my mind. All of this has been on purpose too as my birthday is today and I didn't want to only be thinking about Jude on my birthday. 

With it being my 18th birthday all my friends have convinced me to go out clubbing with them. They've all turned 18 already and have been out quite a few times and they want me to join them. There has been times they've tried to convince me to get a fake id but I refused as I'm not bothered about going out plus it wouldn't work anyway as quite a few people here know who I am because of my friendship with Jude and Jobe so I never bothered. Sadly Jobe can't come and enjoy my birthday with me as he's not 18 yet but I promised I'd spend the rest of the day with him as he said he didn't want to not see me on my birthday. We've spent all of our past birthdays together and I couldn't be the one to ruin that tradition plus I think I'll enjoy spending the day with Jobe more than I will then going out. 

~~~~~~~~~~

As it's my birthday I wanted to sleep in for a bit longer than I usually would but that didn't happen as the sound of my phone notifications woke me up. When I looked at it my home screen was flooded with notifications of texts and Instagram posts from my friends. I answered a few texts before there was a knock on my bedroom door and my mum came in with breakfast for me which she'd spent her morning making. She had to go to work but she promised that she'd give me my presents later before I go out which didn't bother me as I don't need any presents I just want to enjoy my birthday. 

Once my mum had left I went back to looking at my phone and replying to people, at some point I went on Instagram and saw that Jude had tagged me on his story and I don't think I've ever clicked on a notification so quickly. He had posted a picture of the two of us from when we were younger covered in mud from where we'd been playing outside in the rain with a caption wishing me a happy birthday. It made me feel all warm inside that he bothered to post something instead of just texting me as he doesn't post much that isn't to do with football. 

After I'd caught up on my notifications I got myself out of bed and got ready so I could go and see Jobe. He wanted me to go to his so I text him just before I left the house so he'd be expecting me. Seeing as its only a few minutes down the road I was happy to walk plus it's such a nice day that I wanted to get outside and soak up the sun even if it's only for a few minutes. When I arrived I didn't even get the chance to knock on the door before it swung open and Jobe tackled me straight into a hug. Jobe has always been like this with me we are just so close that we are always excited when we get to spend time together especially on special days like birthdays. Eventually he let go of me and allowed me inside but he quickly covered my eyes as he said he had a surprise waiting for me in the living room. I was a bit nervous as you never know what a Jobe surprise will be but I had a bit of faith that he wouldn't do anything I'd hate on my birthday. 

It felt like we walked forever but eventually we stopped and Jobe instructed me to open my eyes. It took a second for my eyes to adjust but when they did the first thing I saw was a smiling Jude sat on the sofa. If it were possible my jaw would've hit the floor as Jude wasn't supposed to be home he was supposed to still be in Germany for another week but there he was and I definitely wasn't seeing things. 

"Happy birthday y/n/n" Jude said 

"What are you doing here I thought you still had to be in Germany" I questioned 

"You didn't think I'd miss your 18th did you plus I may have lied to be able to surprise you" he said 

"I'm so happy you're here it's been ages since I've seen you" I said 

He got up and gave me a hug before ushering me to sit down while him and Jobe ran off somewhere. They came back a minute later holding far too many presents which they piled on my lap so that I couldn't move anymore. I tried telling them off for getting me so many unnecessary presents but they insisted that it was necessary as in their words you only turn 18 once. Seeing as they were both so excited about it I opened the presents in whatever order they agreed on which did involve a bit of arguing but we got there in the end. They got me so many nice things that made me feel so loved but also a bit bad as I could never afford to do the same for them. 

"Thank you guys so much I really appreciate everything but you shouldn't have gotten me so much I'll never be able to top or even match that" I said 

"It's ok we don't need you to do anything for us we just love having you around" Jobe said 

"Aww you're going to make my cry" I said 

"Don't cry instead tell me what you've got planned for today" Jude said 

"Well first I'm hanging out with you guys but then my friends convinced me to go out tonight" I said 

"Is it just you and your friends going?" Jude asked 

"Yeah me and I think 3 of the girls the rest can't make it" I said 

"Well I'm coming with you whether you like it or not I'm not letting you go out for the first time without someone to keep you safe" he said super seriously 

"I'll be fine Jude I won't even drink that much" I said 

"I don't care it's not safe for you to be going out with just a few of your friends I promise I'll leave you be I just can't let you go alone" he said 

"Fine you can come but be prepared the girls will go crazy" I laughed 

~~~~~~~~~~

I spent the rest of the day with Jude and Jobe just hanging out like we used to do all the time when we were a bit younger. They even got me a cake which they definitely aren't supposed to eat with their diet but they did and made me promise not to tell anyone. A bit later I had to leave to get ready but not before Jude cornered me to make me promise to text him when I was ready to go and he'd come over so we could go together. I was still anxious about him coming as for one I don't want to get drunk and say something stupid to him but also I didn't want him to be on my mind all night. Tonight was supposed to be the night I get to let go and enjoy myself and maybe find a guy I like to flirt with but I feel like I can't do that with Jude around as my mind will be on him the entire time. I appreciate his concern about me going out but I can handle myself and I'd be fine without him. That being said it's been a long time since I've really spent any time with him so it will be nice to have Jude there. 

Once I was home and getting ready I was texting my friends to get their opinion on my outfit as I don't really know what to wear out. They helped me get it down to two options but once I told them Jude was coming they picked the shorter tighter dress straight away as they know I like Jude so I guess they are being good friends. Seeing as they picked a nice dress I decided to go all out on my hair and makeup too and if I do say so myself I looked pretty good. After I'd done a few touch ups I text Jude to let him know I was ready and headed downstairs to put my shoes on as I knew he'd be a few minutes. 

Jude arrived and honked the horn of his car to get me to go outside (let's just pretend he can drive) so I made my way to the car slowly trying to not fall over with my heels on the gravel of the driveway. Jude must've noticed my struggle as he got out the car and helped me into the passenger side of the car. 

"You look beautiful" he said 

"Thank you" I said feeling my cheeks turn pink 

"You know you don't have to drive if you want to drink we can get an Uber" I said 

"No it's ok I won't drink I'm only going to make sure you and you're friends are ok" he said 

"They're all really excited that your coming I think they might spend more time with you than they will with me" I laughed 

"I won't let them you'll barely notice I'm there" he smiled 

We arrived at the club and true to his word Jude disappeared as soon as I was with my friends although he did instruct me to put any drinks I had on a tab he'd make for me as he didn't want to me pay for anything on my birthday. He'd gone before I could argue with him so I didn't bother I just did exactly what he told me to and got myself a drink before heading to dance with my friends. As I was dancing my friends told me that there was a guy who wouldn't stop staring at me so I managed to sneak a glance in his direction and he was actually really cute. He noticed me looking at him and shot me a smile before making his way over. 

Straight away he complimented me but not just on my outfit which made me let down my guard a little bit as I could tell he was genuinely interested in me. Once he found out it was my birthday he wished me a happy birthday and offered to buy me a drink which I was happy to accept. As we both sipped on our drinks we started properly talking and we just got on like a house on fire. We actually had a few things in common and he was such a nice guy that it was hard not to get along with him. Once we finished our drinks he took me back to the dance floor and we danced together. To begin with he didn't have his hands on me but I grabbed his arms and put his hands on my waist as I was feeling little more confident than usual. 

I was really enjoying myself dancing and laughing with this guy my mind was only thinking about him and not about Jude at all. It's been so long since I've thought about any guy in front of me and not compared him to Jude, it was honestly so nice to have finally found a guy that made me forget about Jude and that clearly had the same feelings that I did. My enjoyment was short lived though as not long after I felt someone grab my arm and pull me away, I was about to punch the person until I got a look at them and realised it was Jude and honestly I still kind of wanted to punch him as he was supposed to leave me be and I was actually enjoying myself. 

He dragged me all the way out of the club and back to the car which is when he finally let go of his grip on my arm and I just stared at him. Neither of us moved nor said anything for a good few moments until I decided I wanted to go back in if he wasn't going to talk but as soon as I turned around he grabbed my arm again and brought me back to face him. Again the staring ensued and I was really starting to get annoyed. 

"What's going on Jude if you aren't going to say anything let me go I was enjoying my time with that guy" I said 

"I can't let you go back in" he said hastily 

"Tell me why then as I'm not going to stand here forever" I said 

"Because I'm jealous ok I don't know why but seeing you with that guy made me realise that I've been lying to myself for a long time I do have feelings for you I've just been trying to tell myself I don't as I don't want to ruin our friendship" he admitted 

"What you have feelings for me?" I questioned in complete disbelief 

"Yeah I do I know that I made it seem like I didn't see you that way but I have had feelings for a while I just didn't want to change things between us or make things awkward with you and Jobe as I know how close you both are but I can't keep lying I want to be with you y/n" he said 

"I think it's pretty clear that I still have feelings for you and I really want to give us a go I know it will be different but let's be honest Jobe’s been wishing we'd get together for ages so I'm sure everything will be ok" I said 

"Then will you be my girlfriend officially?" He asked 

"I would love to" I smiled 

"Now let's go and have some proper fun" he said taking my hand to lead me back inside 

#jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagines #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham #football imagine

[coraniaid]

One of the things I like best about the second half of Season 7 -- one of the few things I like about it at all, if I'm being honest -- is the fact it lets Buffy accept that she's still growing up and figuring out who she is as a person.  "I'm not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I'm gonna turn out to be", as she tells Angel in Chosen.  She doesn't have to have all the answers, she doesn't have to be defined by the choices and mistakes she made when she was a miserable and lonely teenage girl, she doesn't have to have found a perfect relationship or future life partner before her twenty-third birthday.

The show ends with Dawn asking Buffy what they're going to do now that she isn't the singular Chosen One, and she doesn't offer an answer because she doesn't know yet!  "That's kind of the point," as she also told Angel earlier.

I think that's a really good and emotionally satisfying place to end the series on -- with Buffy finally free of the destiny that she's been forced into ever since we met her, not because she's been forced to stop being a Slayer or because she’s sacrificed herself to save the world, but because she's no longer The Slayer but merely one of many.  The story of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is over, but the story of Buffy Summers has just begun.  Who knows what will happen next?

It's why I've never been at all tempted to read the post-Season 7 comics, because there's no way that they -- or anyone -- can better that ending. By definition, a future of infinite possibilities is better than any concrete suggestion.  (Also, yes, lots of the specific details I've heard about the comics make them sound pretty bad anyway, that's also a factor.)

It's also why I think it's kind of pointless to spend time arguing that Buffy definitely would or wouldn't end up in a relationship of some particular type, with somebody she knew before she was old enough to graduate college.  Maybe she does get back together with Angel or Riley or Spike.  Maybe she finally realizes she's attracted to Faith, or to Willow, or somebody else she met before the show ended. (Maybe Owen Thurman is still alive.)  Maybe she meets somebody new. Maybe they get married, maybe they don't.  Maybe they have kids, or adopt, and maybe they don't.  Maybe Buffy decides she's happier single. Maybe she doesn't get to have the sort of romantic relationship she'd want at all; maybe other things get in the way.

Some of those possible futures sound like happier endings to me than others, and some seem more in keeping with the direction I'd like to imagine the story going if the show had continued.  But anyone who tries to argue that they know which of those things would or wouldn't happen because they know what the sixteen or nineteen, or twenty-one year old Buffy would have wanted is, I think, not being serious.  The show itself explicitly rejects this idea. Even though her mother's death has forced her to take on more adult responsibilities, Buffy herself is still growing up.   We don't know what will happen to her a year, or five years, or ten years after Chosen.  We don't know what she'll want, we don't know who she'll be.  Buffy herself doesn't know that, so how could we possibly know?

As Buffy said, that's kind of the point! 

#btvs #buffy definitely doesn't grow up to be a cop in any possible reality though let's be very clear about that

[prettygirl-gabi]

What could go good?

Rating: Mature

Warning: oral (f reseving & giving), fingerings, unprotected sex, creampies, smutty- fluff (at the end), breeding, hair pulling, 4 some, slight name calling, i think there's more but i haveth no clue what im missing, MDNI!!!

Category:F/M/M/M

Fandom: Obx (outer banks netflix)

Relationships: Rafe x reader x jj x pope

Not proof read... ...

It had been a long day on the island, from work 2 double shifts on the cut and figure 8 but needless to say I was tired. 

Pulling up at the Chateau and ready to fight anyone who dared to ruined my plans to sleep. "Hi boys, where's kie?" The first to stop his tomfoolery was JJ, "Oh she'd handling shit at home, I think it's her mom's birthday or some shit like that." I nod as I head to John B's room to shower, only for him to run in front of me. "No entrada sweetheart. I need the hot water so I can get ready for my date with Sarah." 

"No, JB please oh pretty please I've worked for like 48 hours straight; please just let me take a shower please I need this." He sighed "I know, but if we're gonna get the gold you gotta let me be my best looking for dinner with her family tonight." I punched his arm "You asshole, J can we go to your place or is your pops home?" JJ gave me that sad smile before shaking his head telling me everything I needed to know. 

"Ohhhh sweet loving Beautiful, handsome-" I was cut off by Pope. "C'mon plus my mom hasn't seen you, and as she stated if she doesn't lay eyes on you soon she's sending out a man hunt." I squeal in happiness, "Yesss we'll be back you asshats." I quickly snatch my keys and give them to Pope.

After a well needed shower some of Momma Havyward's cooking and Pope's clean clothes we headed back to the Chateau for my well deserved sleep. "Oh pops asked me to drop some stuff off at the Cameron's." Laying in the passenger seat I just nodded my head and close my eyes. 

I had woke up to the sound ot tapping on my window. With annoyance on my face I rolled it down. "What can I do for you in this fine day Rafe?" He smirks at me "Well well well few of my friends besides Topper are throwing a party, and we'll here's a special invite for you to come." I look for a sign that he is telling a lie. "Oh Rafey you know the only way I'd come is if yhe crew can too, but that's not all you are here for is it."

 "No, no it's not Y/n, I wanna take you out a day before the party on Friday night, just one date." Smirking at him I rolled my window up, but only for him to keep tapping. "Please I'll promise to act like a good boy the whole time." He begged at me with hopefull eyes. "Fine one date Rafe, anything goes wrong I'm leaving." He rubbed my cheek "Don't worry I'll treat you like the most perfect princess ever."

Before he could try anything else, Pope came back and was ready to go. "Yo everything good here?" He asked as he got back in the car. "Yeah everything goods here we can go home." I say as I roll my window up. "Are you gonna tell me what that was because it looked like some weird shit was going down." I shook my head nothing, its fine lets go home cause I'm tired."

As the week progressed I got more and more worried about this date, but it was to late to back out. The girls were helping me get ready for this date. "I swear Y/n if he tries any thing I will kill him with my bare hands." Sarah said with a serious look on her face. "Oki I believe you." We, mainly the boys thought I should get ready at the Chateau so they can help me with my outfits. Hell JJ was on his knees begging fore me to cancel my date with Rafe, so was Pope; however tonight they are more quite then two common house rats. 

Every single dress, shirt, skirt, hell even shoes were not up to their standards. It was now an hour before and I have not one decent outfit, cause of those two. "Fuck it JJ, Pope outside now!" I stormed out with them both hot on my tail. "Y/n slow, fuck slow down." "How does she have the shortest legs out of all of us and walk so fuckin fast." Pope says as they are trying to keep up with me. "WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU TWO, YOU BOTH KEEP FUCKING UP ME GETTING READY!" I yelled as I stopped and turn to them. "Its just that we don't think you should go out with him Y/n, like seriously, he's a kook and a Cameron not to mention!" JJ exclaimed while Pope was trying to catch his breath. "Oh really, so Rafe is bad news but Sarah whos also a kook and a Cameron isn't bad news for the crew. Fuck this I'm going home and getting ready there you hypocrites!" I say as I stormed off to my house and finish getting ready by myself.

Rafe came and got me at 8 sharp and treated me like the most perfect princess ever. "So, do you want dessert or do you wanna go to part two of your date?" He asked as I finished my second glass of Stella wine. "Is it possible to get dessert to go?" I ask with a soft smile on my face. "Sure thing pretty girl. Get whatever your little heart wants.

Once we got to the open field with a cute almost drive in movie set up. "I, how did you know." He got out and opened the door for me. "I may or may not have asked Sarah for help." I reached on my tippie toes and kissed his cheek thanks for this really.

Rafe pulled my body close to his and kissed me deeply before making his way to my lower neck. I moan lightly and manage to get out "Rafe I." He rubs his thumbs over my hip bones. "Is that...this something that you want, we don't have to do anything but watch the movie I promised to be a good boy and treat you like the most perfect princess." I rest my head on his chest pondering in thought. "Rafe I've never had sex before." I say shyly

I feel his hands slide up and down my arms "I can change that if you let me." I look at him with gentle eyes and nod my head. "To be fair I didn't plan for us to have any sexual activities so I'm just gonna treat you and worry about me another time." He says as he leads me to the cute tent he had setup for us to watch the movie in. He begins to leave love bites on my neck "your mine for tonight" I whimper,as he lays me bll down and unzips my skirt. "I've been wanting a taste of you ever since you walked out your front door" Rafe slides the skirt down along with my underwear. I jumped slightly at the cold air hitting my freshly shaved, now wet and needy pussy. He pushes a finger inside and I moan "Can I add another one?" He asked with pleading eyes I nod my head "Y-y-yes give me more." Rafe hoverd over me but looks down as he pushes another one inside. Once he had set a good steady pace I moan out and squealed as the pleasure was buliding up "fuck don't stop, harder please Rafey" he removes his fingers, licking them clean and I whimper at the loss of contact.

I was about to protest but he connects his mouth with my pussy "fuck" he giggles and it sends vibrations through my entire body."You like that baby?" I nod my head and push his head down further "uhhhh I'm almost there, oh Rafey." My legs begin to shake and I cry out but he continues, letting me ride out my orgasm. 

Once I come down from my high he starts the princess and the frog while tending to my needs. "I hope that was everything you wanted." He says before laying next to me til we both fell asleep. The next morning he took to my house to get ready for work and waited on me as well.

"So how was your date?" Kie asked as we bussted tables til the boys came in. "It was like so perfect, Kie." JJ grabbed a fry from my plate and aimed for it to go in my shirt "So future kook princess are you going to the party?" "Yes, JJ I am and so is everyone else." I say as squirt ketchup om his nose. "And never call me that again." He wiped his nose on my cheek. "Sure thing lil lady." 

We burst out laughing before I gave him the rest of my food. "Soooo Y/n looks like we'll be in-laws." John B steals a fry off the plate I once had. "We've not discussed if we were officially official yet." "Yeah, probably in a new girl already." Pope says out of poket "Whoah bro what the actual fuck" Jj and Kie smack him at the same time. "I'm sorry but he's a kook and I stand on and behind not liking him."

Over the next few months Rafe would come hang out with the pouges and I at the beach and even a few parties at the Chateau. Just like tonight there was a party at the Chateau it had been like maybe 2 hours into the party when some grabbed me by my waist and pulled me into a deep kiss. I turn around to see who it is but they kiss me before I can say anything else. I moan into the kiss only to be yanked into the familiar arms of my boyfriend Rafe. "Bro what the hell, dude shes with me!" Rafe yelled at the person who kissed me. "Well obviously she liked it." I gasp once I heard those words come out of Pope's mouth. Pulling myself from Rafe's arm leaving to gind JJ and everyone else just incase a fight broke out between Rafe and Pope. 

I found JJ first "J, we hey J I need to to help-" before I could say me we could hear people yelling about a fight. JJ and I took off to see Kie, Topper and a random trying to break them apart. "She's mine you pouge get that through your head!" Rafe yelled throwing a punch to Pope's nose. I pushed my way through the crowd with JJ's tight in mine. "Guys plese stop this" I begged and pleaded as i went to break them up only to get hit on the cheek by Rafes elbows. 

"Alright party's over everyone out right now!" JJ yelled coice laced with venom. Within 10 mins everyone was cleared out. Kie went to find JB and Sarah, leaving me with JJ, powp and Rafe. "Alright wanna tell me what the fuck was that Pope." Jj asked getting me some fozen peas fir ny face. "You idiots could have seriously gitten hurt and if im the one tmdoing the parenti g we've hut rock bottom. "Look j, pope kiss Y/n, my girl I felt that evey lick he got from me was well deserved." Rafe sighed before holding his head down. "Look I'm- I'm so sorry, I couldn't help it. I'm sorry." Pope said before storming out.

Well that was weeks ago I've done my best to avoid everyone including Rafe. "Aye, Y/n we gotta talk." Kie says as she pulls me in The Wreck right before my shift stared. "What Kie, I just wanna do my shift and go home." Ju

"Just, just listen to me. We miss you jj and JB have been giving Pope hell, please just comeback." She begged. "Kie things are weird its nit like how when jb kissed you." I say as I start start working my shift.  

"Table for 3 please." I hear out of Pope's mouth to see JJ and Rafe right behind him. "Get Kie to set you 3." "Yo Kie Y/n is ending her shift lil early and I'll you 500 on the spot." Rafe stated handing her 500 dollars on table and lead me his range rover with the other 2 following close behind. "What, whats happening?" I stop and turn to the three boys staring me down. "We are gonna talk and discuss some things sweetheart, that's all." JJ says in a soft tone, "Now get in princess, please." I get in the car first with the 3 boys right behind me. Rafe put his hand on my thigh. "Everything's good I promise." Rafe state as he pull into his drive way. 

"We just, God fuck ok so... all 3 of us like you in a romantic way." JJ says grabbing at his har as we sit of the front porch. "Yea and we couldn't have a conversation without you, that is until Pope here suggested we share you romantically that is." "Wait please explain." I say look between all 3 boys. "Pope sits up ready to explain. "We fuck, we love you and we put up with each other and we all love you like the beautiful queen you are." I stil there in shock. "So what, what do you think?" Rafe asked with an eager look on his face. "No, no fighting over me, we communicate and I say when things get to much for me, yea." I say nodding my head.

After our I long talk we ended up in One of the guest rooms. The one thing we cabt decided on is who gets to taste this sweet pussy of yours first." Rafe said with an evil smirk on his face. I roll my eyes "bullshit and you kno who's first." Rafe stops smirking and turns to me with his hand around my neck pullingbmy close to his face. "Eatch your mouth princess" I glare at him "I can say whatever I fucking want to say because you're not my dad soooo."

He turns to JJ "You wanna handle this?" JJ walks and stands in from onto me "That's no problem." He stalks up to me even more "Watch your mouth, lil lady. " I roll my eyes "make me!" he chuckles "I have many ways to make you but I'll say it for the last time watch your fucking mouth." I cross my arms with a smirk on my face. "And I said make me." he smirks "Oh I will don't worry." He grips my waist "I'll fuck those manners out of you if I have to" I laugh "yeah rig-" he cuts me off by kissing me intensely. 

I moan "mmm" he pushes my skirt up and connects his mouth with my thighs before he uses two of his fingers amd slowly slide them in my pussy "Oh my goddd." He chuckles and it sends vibrations to my pussy "Yesss" I push his head down and I squeal "fuck J" he smacks my thigh "Watch your mouth." He pushes his two fingers inside of me fast and I cry out "I'm gonna cum" he immediately backs away and before I can protest Pope walks up with a weird looking vibrator."This is a magic wand and it's works wonders but for you it's gonna make you cum over and over again until you can't take it anymore, until you learn your manners."

 I begin to back in to the top of the bed but I feel arms wrap around me and I see strands of blonde hair "I thought we went over the rules already, hmm?" I roll my eyes and I feel a stinging sensation on my ass "Don’t try me babygirl, I'll do way worse then that vibrator." I get lifted to end up skin tio skim with Rafe as he holds me in his lap with my legs spread wide. "Go ahead Pope, she's not going anywhere" Pope chuckles "Should I turn it all the way" JJ looks down at me "Should he put it on it's highest setting, lil lady?" I open my mouth to answer but it's replaced with a moan "holy shit" Rafe yanks on my hair "Watch that mouth of yours princess." The vibrations become more intense within every minute or so, I squeeze my eyes shut and orgasm. "You can cut it off I'll take it from here" JJ and pope leave the bed room and Rafe smiles at me "You look really beautiful princess, by the time we're done with you your gonna be a fucking mess...a moaning non speaking mess." He climbs on top of me "Are you ready for me to do this?" I nod my head "Yes Rafey" he chuckles "Okay." 

He thrusts into me leaving me no time to adjust to his size "Yess babe right there" he wraps his hand around my throat and squeezes lightly. I wrap my legs around him "Please go harder" he slows down "Bad girls don't get rewarded" I pout and he leans down to kiss me then he bites my bottom lip. pHe begins to rub my clit and the pleasure becomes intense "you gonna follow your rules princess" I nod my head "yes" he smacks my inner thigh "Yes what, princess? " I moan "yes daddy." He begins to thrust into me at speeds unknown "you gonna be my good little girl hmm?" I nod my head "Yesss yesss I promise." He moans "Fuck your so tight." I run my nails down his back leaving marks "I'm gonna" I make noises that I didn't know I could even make then I blank out.

I thought we were done until JJ and Pope came back fully naked and noticeable hard."Look at her," Pope laughed mockingly from where he was standing. "Pope I got her pussy, you take her mouth." Pope walked closer to me with my mouth wide open, thrusting his dick in and out of my mouth, both of his hands in my hair. "She loves taking our dicks so much, J. Insatiable little thing."

 I heard Rafe give a small chuckle of his own from behind me, still holding me like a rag doll. JJ thrusts his hips faster while Rafe took the vibrator and put it on my clit with the highest setting. At some point Rafe ended up being in me as well with his own cock thrust in and out of my pussy at a faster speed. Causing me to jerk forwards and gag a little on Pope's dick, making all 3 men laugh. My cheeks heated up in embarrassment, but, ultimately, I'm enjoying myself. "She's so fucking wet, boys" Rafe cooed, smoothing his fingers across my nipples, causing JJ grasping her hips to slam her harder back into him. "She's making a mess. Drenching me and the bed."

 "Stupid slut," Pope spat, taking his cock out of my mouth and running it across my swollen lips. He smacked it lightly across my faces, smearing my own spit around my delicate skin. "Gets wet over being used by her three boyfriends." "Mhm, please," I manage to mutter. 

 "What do you want, our sweet girl ?" Pope hissed as jerked himself to the way JJ and Rafe were fucking into me "Want your cock, Pope." I whimper out andfeel their non stop thrust speed up more. "Good girl, baby" Rafe murmured and squeezed your cheeks with his strong fingers so you pouted, then he dug a little deeper and caused a pain that made your mouth fall open, your tongue sticking out for him. "Take it like a good slut, Y/n."

 I accepted Pope's cock back into my mouth, loving the heavy weight of it on my tongue whilst Rafe kept rammed into me from behind. I felt JJ cave a little over me to press kisses at my neck, causing me to shiver from the chain dangling from his neck.

 Rafe took the chain in his hand lightly and pulled JJ into a kiss over my head. Some how JJ managed to slam into me harder now, the wet sounds filling the house and making me blush. Their large cocks were hitting spaces that I didn't even realise existed and I whined around Pope's dick who laughed as he had the look of amusement across his face as if he weren't being sucked off. "Pretty little slut," Rafe growled and then his fingers drifted to my clit. "You wanna cum? Gotta make us cum first, bunny." 

JJ stopped being over you, proceeding to slam mercilessly inside of me. "Look at her tits bounce," Pope mentioned, "So fucking hot." "Mm," Rafe murmured, "I have a good view of them from back here. So nice and round." "Could use her all day," JJ agreed, "These pretty little lips are amazing." 

"Once we've came, you should try her back here, she so fucking thick and so good." Rafe said, and I whimpered at the degrading comments they were sharing, as if I weren't even here. "She's practically clenching around my cock with every thrust. Greedy little cock slut, in't right baby." He slapped your thigh. 

 "Hmm, maybe I should." Pope hummed and brushed some of your hair out of your face to look down at you, your eyes meeting. "Our greedy little cock slut, Y/n." I whimper as the three of them came in my used holes. I was woren out but some how still wanted and craved for more. "Oh, baby all I have to do is just slide in, fuck so wet and tight for us." Pope say as he slowly slides his dick into my used cunt with me now on all fours.

"Mmm s'big can't take more." I whine out. "Aww c'mon baby take Pope's dick like you took mine, and Rafe's." JJ says as he gently shoves his cock in your mouth. He hears my whimper. smiles and licks his lips. “Pretty, so fucking pretty."

“So good,” Pope groaned as he continue to move in and out of my still full cunt, rolling his hips against mines and working his cock in me. “Fuck yes,” I breathed, and Pope somehow gathered my wrists in one hand, pinning them behind my back. Pope's fingers with his other tightened on my hips, and I watched J's face, contorted in pleasure, mouth open as I sucked his dick like it was my last.

“You look so good making her come,” Rafe managed to murmured, “so fucking hot,” I started feeling that familiar tightness in my cunt as I clench around Popes's dick. “I’m not going to last,” Pope choked out, Wooyoung gripping your head and taking his dick out of your mouth only to thrust it back in faster while, Rafe spoke up. “Let me help,” he reached under me to rub firm and frantic circles against my clit, causing me too arch suddenly in response, with my body trembling.

Pope clung to you, biting out a curse as he started to come, the combination of his frantic thrusts and Rafe's fingers pushing you over the edge again. With your wrists pinned and your hips held in place, I struggled against the three of them as they held me down to ride out my orgasm. Only for JJ to come all over your tits. "Are you okay baby?" I nod my head "Yes I feel fine, I'm just gonna go to the bathroom." As soon as my feet touch the ground I fall but I catch myself on the bed. I look at the three of them "your a fucking incubus or something, I can't even walk" Pope chuckles "I'll carry you." 

They all made their way into the bathroom to help me get cleaned up and taking care of my needs before theirs. "I... I really had fun boys. Thanks." I relax in the bath more, "You did wonderful lil lady, plus you're our girl we gotta make sure you're taken care of." JJ says causing Pope and Rafe to nod I'm agreement.

From that point on the 4 of us we inseparable and the whole island knew it too. No matter where I went one or all of the boys were with me when JB, Sahara or Kie couldn't be.

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Thank you for reading! 🩵🩶

-Prettygirl-gabi

@ihe4rttwd @princessbun-ee @rubiehart ....... and many moree....

#obx netflix #rudy obx #obx fic #rafe obx #obx pogues #obx pope #sarah cameron #kiara carrera #rafe cameron #jj maybank #john b routledge #y/n x Rafe #y/n x jj #y/n x pope #obx #obx fanfiction #oneshot

[joeys-babe]

Someday We’ll Be Together

Chapter 11: Blue Eyes Crying In The Rain

————————————————————————

September 12, 2021

(joe's pov)

after y/n ran into the bathroom, i realized the severity of the situation.

i really fucked up.

my plan didn't go the way i wanted it to at all. after i kissed y/n, i panicked and thought that she only kissed me because she got caught up in the moment. the first thing i saw was lexie running out of the bar and i made a split second decision to take the kiss back and make an excuse for why i did it.

"i don't want to talk to you now, or preferably ever again."

my heart shattered when she said those words.

i waited outside of the bathroom door for 10 minutes, until i eventually gave up. even if she did walk out, i'd be the last person she'd want to see.

my first thought was to just get wasted, forget about the situation temporarily.

i made my way over to the bar asked for a bear, adding the "keep 'em coming".

i was three deep when i heard a female voice.

"hey joey."

"i'm not signing stuff tonight, kinda heartbroken right now-" - joe turned and noticed that it was lexie

"lexie.. what the fuck do you want?" - joe

"joe you're absolutely wasted, let me take you home. i remember where you live." - lexie

"where's your boyfriend? thought you'd be busy grinding on him." - joe

"you know he doesn't mean anything to me, you're the only one for me joe." - lexie

"fuck off." - joe

"okay fine. just at least let me drive you home, no funny business i swear." - lexie

"let me get one more beer and then maybe we'll talk."- joe flagged down the bartender

"okay, i'll come back in 10 minutes. i have to go find my boyfriend." - lexie

i rolled my eyes as she walked away, she was such a fake woman.

soon after i finished my beer, lexie walked back up to me.

"you ready to go joey?" - lexie

"yup" - joe

she grabbed my hand to stand up but when i tried to stand up i immediately tripped over my own feet, so i grabbed onto lexies waist.

"you look like an idiot." - lexie laughed

"just shut up and take me back to my house. the faster you get me to the car the faster we can never talk to each other again." - joe

"bro what did i do to you? you don't have to be a dick." - lexie

i scoffed at that, thinking of all the different examples i could use.

"what haven't you done? you've judged my body, used me for my status, cheated on me twice.. want me to keep going?" - joe

we were passing the table that the guys were sitting at, and i heard sam yell for me.

i hurriedly walked away from lexie and walked over to the guys.

"here's this.." - sam handed joe his sweatshirt

y/n had folded my sweatshirt perfectly and gave it to sam to give back to me.

"is she.. still here?" - joe

"i don't think so. she ran after she practically slammed this on the table. oh yeah, she also told me to tell you to go to hell." - sam

"i deserve that." - joe

"bro what did you do? and why the fuck are you with lexie?" - sam

"i- uhm.. i'll tell you later. i really fucked up though, and i'm really scared i just lost her." - joe

"lost her?" - sam

"lost the girl i'm fuckin in love with. it's all my fault too." - joe sighed

"woah woah, go back. joe, you're in love with her?" - sam

"sam, don't play stupid. you know full and well i've been in love with her since damn ohio state." - joe

i hadn't realized that my voice got louder out of irritation and everyone at the table was staring at me with their jaw dropped. jess and gracie having shocked smiles on their faces.

"but i really messed up. i kissed her, but i panicked thinking that she only kissed me back because she got caught up in the moment.." - joe

"so what'd you do?" - jess

"i pretended like i did it to make lexie jealous, like a damn jerk." - joe

"joe! that was such a dick move." - ja'marr

"i know! i've realized that! now i'm never gonna know if she feels the same way because she hates me!" - joe

"go see if she's outside, if she is you should try to explain." - tee

"she doesn't want to talk to me-" - joe

"go!" - the whole table yelled

i ran out the bar and started scanning the sidewalk. y/n was standing yards away from me, but i could still hear her sobbed words. it was pouring the rain, and i felt terrible seeing her stand there with no shelter over her head.

"i hate joe, so much." - you

a few seconds of silence, the other person on the phone was talking.

"mom hurry, i'll tell you everything that happened later. just get here fast, i don't want him to come find me." - you

moments later she said an "i love you too" and got off the phone.

even though she said she didn't want to talk to me, or want me to come find her. i had to.

"y/n.." - joe

i watched her head move in my direction, her crying getting even harder.

"i told you to leave me alone." - you

"please, let me explain." - joe

"i don't want to hear it. go find lexie for all i care. i've done nothing but supported you your whole entire life, joe and you use me to make some bitch jealous?!" - you

"y/n please!" - joe

"you- you're a jerk. you're like every other guy i've ever been around. i thought you were different, i thought you were my best friend. but you are nothing but a lier, player, dick, and you lead me on! i'm sick and tired of being your back burner for when you're girlfriends hurt you!" - you

by this time i was crying with her, she was the only girl i've ever truly wanted and now she'll never know.

"i am your best friend, y/n!" - joe

"no you're not. also, my moms almost here and i don't want you to be anywhere near here when she arrives. after tonight, don't try to contact me in anyway possible because i will not be answering." - you

i nodded and defeatedly started walking back towards the bar door, just as i was about to reach the handle i turned around. y/n was watching me walk away.

"just know this. i never meant to hurt you, and i'm so sorry. you're the greatest thing to ever happen to me, and i wish i would've showed that more. goodnight, y/n." - joe walked back into the bar

when i walked in, the table of my teammates were already looking in my direction. they waited for me to report back to them.

all i did was nod my head "no" and wipe the remaining tears off my cheeks.

i stood there for a second, my back against the door thinking about what had just happened when i realized i didn't have my sweatshirt with me.

i opened the door to see if i had dropped it, only to see y/n hugging her mom by her car that was idle in the road.

my heart broke even more at the sight, and when they pulled away that's when i saw it. my sweatshirt. y/n had it hugged against her chest.

(y/n's pov)

on the way home i explained to my mom what had happened, and as soon as we arrived i went upstairs to my room and cried myself to sleep.

i was sleeping rather peacefully till i got a call at midnight, my phone vibrating on my nightstand.

not even checking the caller ID, i excepted it and mumbled a "hello".

"y/n!" - gracie

"gracie? why the hell are you calling me at midnight?" - you

"aye i'm here too!" - jess

"what is it you guys absolutely needed to wake me up for?" - you

"we found out what happened and wanted to check on you." - jess

"i'll be fine, he's just a stupid guy. i just don't understand why he kept trying to get me to listen to him, there was literally nothing for him to explain!" - you

"you have every right to feel that way and to be mad, but maybe you should've maybe tried to listen. he explained the situation to us, and i really feel like you would want to hear what he has to say.” - gracie

“i mean this in the nicest way possible but i honestly don’t care. i don’t want to hear anything he has to say. he doesn’t deserve it.” - you

“so what are you gonna do? ignore him forever and forget that you were in love with him?” - jess

“that’s the problem. even after all of this, he’s the only guy i can ever picture myself with. i’m still in love with him, i don’t ever think thats gonna change.” - you

“then you should let him talk. you don’t have to today, or even this week. take your time, and then hear him out. i really do think you’ll like what you hear, y/n.” - gracie

“i will. just give me time, i’m still hurt.” - you

“we know. take all the time you need, and just know that joes really upset too. sam and i took him home and he asked us to stay while we he showered, just in case he fell in hit his head since he was still drunk, and we could literally hear him crying from downstairs.” - jess

“he’s such a man-child.” - you laughed

“maybe so, but he cares about you a lot.” - jess

our conversation went on for a little longer till we said our goodnights, but there was no way i was going to be able to back to sleep.

all i could think about was what joe was going to tell me if i let him talk. then came the image of his blue eyes crying in the rain.

what did jess and gracie know that i didn’t?

————————————————————————

authors note: i wonder what happens next????

hope you enjoyed! 🥰🥰

#joe burrow #bengals #joe burrow imagine #joe burrow x reader #joe burrow series #joey b #cincinnati bengals

[pretty-boy-eddie]

Trans Mtf! Steve Headcanons

Because I love her<33

-Okay so her egg cracked kinda late (me too) but she ALWAYS loved being called Stevie and associates it with friends since it was mostly close friends who would call her it (Nancy began the trend cause I say so)

- I don't think her egg officially cracked until season two, possibly when he was helping Dustin get ready for the dance.

-I imagine Dustin saying something like "You have a routine like a girl" or something similar and Steve just

-She doesn't say anything and when she gets home that night she goes to the make up drawer her mom keeps (even though she's never around) and hesitantly puts on some lipstick to try it out

-She doesn't like the texture (matte lipstick is hell on chapped lips) but she enjoys to look. She always looked more like her mom but how she can see it and her mind emphasizes it with glee.

-She doesn't put a name to it or anything but she knows enough and she keeps it close. She explore more in the safety of her empty house and by time the summer hits she has her small victories.

-She wears a tinted chaptstick and gloss to work, a few stroke of a brown mascara wand and sometimes-if she dares- a touch of eyeshadow on her outer corners. Her nails aren't painted but a coat of clear polish is enough to make her fingertips feel heavier, feel longer and cared for. She even cuts her cuticles.

-Its not enough but she's happy with what she has.

-Robin isn't fun at first- the two don't get along until the Russians and when Robin confesses in the bathroom- says she doesn't like boys but instead likes girls Stevie feels the need to spout it out.

-"I'm not a boy. " She'd whisper between giggles about Tommy Tompson, interrupted by the kids before she could explain.

-And she'd remember what she said, would remember Robins confused and sober face at the confession, but she wouldn't bring it up. Neither would until nearly Christmas.

-Robin would come over to visit, dressed in a large sweater and pajama pants and they'd watch Rankin/Bass Christmas movies for hours. I'd be late-much too late in the night when Robin would pipe up.

-"I did some research. " She'd begin, not explaining her ramble before it began. "About what you said. Not being a boy- there's terms and stuff. It's actually really cool and scary but it's a thing and if I'm wrong or if it was the stupid drugs you can tell me to shut up but-"

-and Steve would just stare, unsure if she wanted to lie. She trusted Robin, trusted her more than she probably ever trusted Nancy, but was this a conversation she was allowed to have? A selfish need she was allowed to fulfill?

-Robin would just hold her hand, taking her from her mind before smiling nervously. "Stevie? "

-And the dams would break and suddenly the two would be hugging and crying on the floor while Rudolph's nose was glowing on screen

-Later robin would bring by boxes. Stevie would ask but Robin would shush her and make her open it to see.

-Inside would be a mountain of clothes, obviously some we're robins (the Mitch matched fabrics that we're just her style and a few sizes too big, some with her handwriting forever invested in the threads) and some others seemingly an attempt at mirroring Stevie's previous style (Girls style polos and plenty of plain color sweaters that seemed fitted). When asked Robin would just shrug

-"Figured if we're doing this you can't go around in your boring polos," Shed say

-And something about her saying 'We're doing this' that makes her feel all teary eyed and choked up

-By time season four hits they have a system in place.

-Stevie still does a little make up, makes her moles just a tad darker and even dares to contour her cheek bones to look higher, her eyeshadow is replaced by a tighten waterline and underneath her outfits she wears a pair of spanks that makes her waistline look a bit more curvy. She tried a bra once but it was itchy and tight and Robin just told her bra were overrated and she rarely ever wore one unless it was a sports bra

-And sports bras became Stevies favourite thing in the world

-When they hung out alone Stevie would wear the clothes Robin brought her. She'd wear shorts that shown off her muscled legs (which robin totally wasn't jealous of what?) and if she was daring, even a cropped shirt. She'd let Robin do her makeup and they'd just talk like nothing ever changed. Robin enjoyed it- with no little sisters in her life she was easy to accept Stevie and with no older sister at home Stevie fell into the dynamic happily.

-Added Steddie because I love them-

-And when she meets Eddie Munson, it's sort of odd.

-Because they're different- very different, and Stevie knows this: knows in her heart that the only familiar area between them was Dustin and the kids

-But her brain is making connections that are unknown to her.

-And Eddie seems to do the same because over the days he tries making conversation, tries joking and acting like they've been best friends for year's but half the time it leaves a confused Stevie and a frustrated Eddie.

-But Stevie tries, she asks questions and tries to engage because her brain tells her to, even if she doesn't know why

-And one night, when everyone is asleep after working on a plan, Stevie turns to Eddie and asks him a question that had been bugging her.

-"Whats the bandana for? "

-And a blush is on Eddies face, he twirls his long hair around his fingers and mumbles about underground meanings and something something not that important Steve promise you

-But Stevie is curious and topics have been gloomy so she scoots closer and asks again. "I'm not gonna give up yknow. "

-And so begins the half whispered explanation about coding and hankies and underground scenes suddenly makes much more sense to Stevie.

-Because she is there too, even when no one knew.

-And when he says it's a gay thing she can't help but be hurt, her chest aching as she asks. "So you don't date girls? "

-And Eddie would miss it as he began to explain the complexity of sexuality and how labels weren't always a priority and hearts not parts

-And maybe Stevie understood, and maybe she didn't because labels always made her comfortable but she would just smile and nod, and whisper about how she understood.

-"You understand? King Steve Harrington understands little queer me? "

-"More than you know Munson. "

-And it would probably click in Eddies mind, his eyes shimmering a tad but neither asks or tells, instead they'd lean against each other and looked out the window at the big moon as they prepare to face the reality of their situation again.

-and when the dust settled, both of them scarred (physically and literally) and bloody but alive, Stevie would admit it. Eddie would whisper about shaved bald hair and a chest that wasn't meant to be his but was given to him anyways. And Stevie would giggle at his poetic explanations of their situations.

-"Yknow the greens said soulmates used to be one person with 4 arms and 4 legs- they got split apart and they find eachother. I think we got split up and borrow a few pieces from eachother by accident"

-and they'd grow old, find the things that work and be happy:)

#stranger things #steve harrington #trans!steve harrington #steddie #trans!eddie munson #Steddie headcanons #Steve harrington headcanons #Strnager things headcanons

[nickfowlerrr]

I’m still not over pwyc🥺 their dynamic is just 🤌🏻😚 I just want to keep reading about these two and whatever they are up to…. Who do you think apologies first after a fight and what are their arguments like. I’m pretty sure bucky is a lot softer and mellow now with her but does he ever loose his cool and regret it later☠️🤧

i’m sorry it’s taken so long to respond to this! but i'm so glad you've enjoyed pwyc!! thank you for sending this in! (also just so you know, i'm on my laptop or else i would've used at least four or five emojis by now)

regrets

pretty when you cry series masterlist

pairing: pwyc!bucky x curvy!reader

warnings: idk..tears?

words: no idea. not that many.

notes: does any of this make sense? idk. genuinely no clue where it came from lol but enjoy the drabble <3 also! this is not proofread in the slightest so sorry in advance for any errors.

I'd say Bucky definitely apologizes first a good 85% of the time and she apologizes first the other 15%. In my mind, reader will only apologize first if she believes she started an argument unnecessarily or if she thinks she reacted unfairly.

When they argue it's normally nothing serious, they just go back and forth a lot with their banter about stupid stuff lol. If they do have a serious argument, it's probably about their future. Reader not feeling comfortable or ready to meet his family or introduce him to her own, for example.

She knows it'll happen eventually, whether she wants to or not, but as of right now, it's a point of contention.

I don't know what would make Bucky lose his cool after everything they've been through and how insanely obsessed, he is with her. it'd have to be something that would make him feel really insecure like something that would make him doubt her wanting to be with him. Let's say she goes out late and doesn't answer when he calls or texts, or she leaves somewhere without telling him - I think that would trigger his abandonment issues and cause a fight for sure. Whether he realizes it or not, I think he does, he's terrified of losing her.

I don't know that she'd ever purposely try and hurt him like that since the realization she came to in the last few chapters of the series, and I definitely think he's gotten more secure in their connection since then, but if anything would make him lose his cool, I think it'd be him getting scared she was leaving for good.

That would probably either upset reader because he would think she'd do that now, and anything that would rehash the dark times in their story for sure would be painful and cause a lot of issues for them. It might go something like this:

"You left?" he accused the moment you answered his call.

"I'm not gone, I'll be back," you responded with a small chuckle at his words.

"You didn't think to tell me?" he questioned harshly.

"It's not a big deal, Buck,"

"The hell it's not," he stormed.

"You need to calm down," you said, growing agitated at his attitude.

"Don't fucking tell me to calm down, as if I have no reason not to trust you,"

"Are you being serious right now?" you scoffed.

"Does it sound like I'm laughing?"

"You know damn well why I tried to leave back then. Don't accuse me of doing something you know I'm not fucking doing," you whisper yelled as you walked to your car, passing a couple as you went.

"You need to tell me where you're going and when,"

"Oh fuck off, you don't get to dictate when I can and can't go somewhere. You don't own me, I'm my own person,"

"This has nothing to do with being your own person, it has to do with me coming home expecting you to be here and finding you gone without a goddamn trace. What the fuck am I supposed to think, huh?"

"Maybe you could try taking a minute to check my location, which I know for a fact you have, instead of being paranoid and going to your worst case scenario," you shot back as you got into your car, throwing your purse down on the passenger seat.

"You can't get mad at me for being worried about you,"

"That's just it, Bucky. You know I'm fine, you can feel it. So don't try and spin this to put it on me. You weren't worried about me, you were worried I left. And yeah, it pisses me off you'd think that. After everything. You wanna talk about trust?" you asked incredulously.

He knew he fucked up when he said it. He didn't think he was entirely wrong in his worries, but he shouldn't have thrown that out there. He did trust you. He was just..scared. Fear always had him acting like the worst version of himself. He shouldn't have called you so accusatory. he knew you were fine, but when he realized you weren't home, he wasn't. Memories of you leaving, or trying to anyway, resurfaced and sent him sick, his stomach dropping and a sense of panic rearing its head at your unexplained absence. Even still, you didn't deserve his hostility.

"I don't wanna fight with you," he conceeded.

"Wonder why," you snarked before taking a breath. "I'll be home soon," you said before ending the call.

----------------------

"I'm sorry," were the first words you heard when you opened the door, looking over to see a pitiful Bucky sitting at the bottom of the stairs where he had been waiting for you. You exhaled deeply, sighing as he stood and walked to you. "You were gone, and you - you never leave without telling me where you're going. I just- I lost it a bit. I shouldn't have called you the way I did, I'm sorry."

"I didn't think you'd get home before me or I would've told you I was out. I just hate that that was your first thought, that you could think I'd do that to you. Because I wouldn't. I mean, before, when we first.." you trailed off, "I would have before. But things are different now, they've been different, we're different. Better, I thought,"

"They are, we are," he agreed, taking your hands in his. "I'm sorry. I got scared," he admitted aloud. "And I let it get the best of me. I wasn't thinking. I trust you and I love you with everything I have, heart and soul," he said as he leaned down to press his forehead against yours. "You're everything to me. The thought of losing you," he shook his head. "You have no idea what you do to me," he breathed against your lips.

"If I was gonna leave, I would've done it already. It's you and me, no matter what.. I mean this soulmate thing, it's forever, right?" you quipped, a small smile on your lips, "'M not goin' anywhere."

When you looked to meet his eye, you were taken aback by the tears in them, your hands immediately going to cup his face.

"Babe," you cooed gently, thumbs stroking his cheeks. The sound of your voice so soft and concerned had him wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in your neck, your own arms winding around him in return. After a moment, you pulled away and grabbed his hand, leading him to the couch. You kicked off your shoes and laid down, pulling him along with you so he was laying comfortably on you with his head on your chest as you played with his hair.

You could practically feel the tension slipping from him as he melted into you.

"I really am sorry," he said again.

"I know," you whispered in response. "It's okay."

There was a brief, comfortable silence between you before you spoke again.

"You know I love you, right?" you breathed.

"You don't really have a choice, though, do you?"

Your heart clenched at his somber response. That was all you. You recalled those words you'd thrown at him over and over again during those first few weeks. It wasn't a lie. You didn't have a choice, neither of you did. But you meant it as a jab and he obviously still reflected on the pain of it. Your nose started tingling as you felt your eyes welling. You swallowed thickly.

"No.. I guess I don't," you took a moment. "You have to know, when I said that, I was hurt. And confused and angry," you cleared your throat, not wanting to bring up the past again. "But with you, right here and now, with this Bucky, I've never felt so protected, cherished... loved in my life. And I mean it, I'd chose you a thousand times over if I could," you finished, trying not to choke as your throat tightened.

You held him against your chest, cuddling him close, wanting to bring him the same comfort he so easily provided to you. Assure him of your feelings. When he finally looked up, his blue eyes were gleaming beautifully. He lifted himself up so he was hovering over you, holding your gaze.

"In every lifetime," he said softly. You nodded lightly, a small smile on your face before he leaned back down to kiss you gently. It was soft and sweet before he pulled away slightly, his lips brushing yours as he spoke, "It's always you."

Bucky lowered himself back down into the comfort of your embrace, your presence just as soothing to him as his was to you. As you cuddled into one another, you couldn't help but whisper out a delicate apology.

"I'm sorry I hurt you," you breathed. He squeezed you, rolling onto his side and pulling you to do the same, both of you now chest to chest, nuzzling into each other.

"I hurt you first," he responded, anguish clear in his voice.

Another beat of silence.

"I'd rather you hurt me in every lifetime than ever have to live one without you. I don't deserve you. But I love you so much. I'm sorry I hurt you, I hate that I did. Might never be enough, but I'll spend every day of the rest of my life trying to make it up to you."

You pondered his words and wanted to ask him the one question running through your mind. If not hurting me meant never having met me, never getting to know me, to have me, to love me...would you choose that? You decided you didn't want to know his answer. It would hurt some either way. No point in considered hypotheticals. You both had regrets, some bigger than others. But you had to live with them now, the only thing you could do was apologize and try to make up for them however you could, whenever you could. You didn't have to dwell on them, you just had to acknowledge their existence when they popped up like they did today. Deal with them, work through them. Together. There was no way to rewrite history, but you got to decide what the future chapters would hold.

You decided you didn't want any more regrets in your book.

#pwyc series #bucky barnes x curvy!reader #bucky barnes x plus size!reader #bucky x curvy!reader #bucky x plus size!reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x reader

[houseofbreadpakoda]

Why PS II killed me

I had never expected Aditha to turn so vulnerable infront of the very woman he had preached to be a snake. Never expected him to beg Nandhini to forget the past and run away with him. When Nandhini tells Aditha, that she truly cannot bring herself to kill him, it's so heavily evident that she's lying through every syllable, yet Aditha, fallen deep in love, doesn't even catch a wiff off it.

I was convinced that Nandhini would manipulate Aditha into believing that she truly loved him, gain his trust and kill him in cold blood afterwards. Kill him as he looked at her in betrayal. I was convinced that she truly felt nothing for him, and this was all a play. After all, the woman who had dedicated the sole purpose of her life to taking revenge, couldn't possibly let her emotions take control.

But when Aditha asks her to leave pazhavettaraayar, says that he will cut ties with his family, and that they can run away and live happily forever, together......you can see it in her eyes. You can see it in her eyes, that it is exactly what she pines for. You can see the life she has already imagined, with their home and little children. And somewhere for a second her heart has convinced her to fall into his arms and tell him that, it is all she has ever yearned for.

But she doesn't.

She lies to him, that she wants the crown, the throne, the royalty, to be the queen. And that is why she married Pazhavettaraayar. And even before you see the words pierce through Aditha's heart, you can see them pierce through hers. You can see her eyes twitching with every lie she utters, as her heart breaks into smaller and smaller pieces, at the betrayal of her tongue to her heart.

Just like that, Aditha knows. Knows that there is no truth to what she spoke. There cannot be. But yet, even the thought that she uttered those words infuriates him. Because somewhere he knows that no matter how hard he tries, she'll never let go of her thirst for revenge. He knows that they can never be. He knows that he'd rather die than live without her, thus making death, his only escape.

So he asks her to kill him. To rid him of the hell he's lived in for years. To end his suffering. He draws out his dagger, hands it to her and says it again. And Nandhini stands there frozen. Suddenly the task which was planned to be executed from months, sounds rather impossible. The cracks in her heart have caused her emotions to leak. Her tears glaze her eyes.

After frantically wiping out every lamp in the room, he reaches back to her with hazy footsteps. She feels the cold hilt of the dagger against her palms. It is the pournami night, his face lit by the moonlight, Not even the lord's ready to ease up the situation. He'd uttered something, which she'd barely registered by the time he'd slowly drawn her hands towards himself. The resistance of his hard muscle against the blade brings her back to reality. She can feel the dagger puncturing into his stomach. And she realises, that she doesn't want this anymore.

It is no longer about the revenge, ego or vanity. It is no longer about who wins. It is all about Nandhini losing one of the very few people who lived their life in her name. The haze in her head has cleared. She Screams. Shouts. Yells. Cries. Weeps. Does everything to get him back. Everything. But it's too late.

The fact that Nandhini seemed so confident about killing Karikalan and even lied so heartlessly, convinced me that all she wanted was for him to die that night. But seeing her question her decisions every passing moment, only heightened my emotions. The last thing I'd expected from Nandhini was for her to weep for Aditha. But, you know what killed me more?

Karikalan taking a look at Nandhini, smirking at her and pulling her into his arms as his breath begins to run shallow. You can see the peacefulness on his face, as he let's go of every bad decision, washing away his sins, dying in his beloved's arms. Very few are fortunate enough to die knowing that the one they owed their life to, had long ago given up their lives to them too.

And Aditha who was deprived of such validation throughout his entire life, was experiencing it all just moments before he died.

And at that moment, I think we all died a little, the strings of her hearts snapping a little, breaths hitching a little, tears flowing a little.

#ponniyin selvan #hogaya pura rant #peak atmashanti

[kindred-sims]

Part 2/2

TW: Emotional abuse, verbal abuse

"How dare I? How dare you! I'm a guest in your home, is this how you would treat your guests?" Sterling scoffed at Caleb. "Really, I would've thought that even simple farm folk could raise their children with at least some manners..."

"...Jo, go put Carrie back to bed. I don't want her here for this."

Caleb spoke both sternly and plainly, keeping his angered gaze focused on his father-in-law as Jo numbly walked out of the room with their daughter in tow. He hadn't been proud for yelling in front of the two of them as he had, but his anger had been kindled, and he could no longer force himself to remain as pleasant as he'd tried to be all evening.

As far as he was concerned, Mr. Blythe had crossed a very strong limit with his words. And that was a limit that no man should ever dare cross as long as a Wakefield was around.

"If you must know Mr. Blythe, my parents did raise me to have good manners, and they certainly raised me to be gracious," He tried to keep his voice level, but his ire was too hard to disguise, and it was taking everything in him to not begin shouting again.

"But they also taught me to put my family first above anything else, and that's what I'm doing now. For that, I'm not going to let you stand around and continue belittling my wife any longer--"

"I'm sorry, your wife?" The other man let out a harsh chuckle. "Forgive me for saying so, but I believe she's been my daughter longer than she's been your wife. I'll treat her however the hell I please, and I'll be damned if some oafish farmer is going to tell me what to do!"

"Papa, that's enough!"

Try as she might, Jo hadn't been able to bring herself to leave Caleb alone with her father, and had swiftly returned after ensuring that Carrie was settled. She didn't know why, but overhearing his insults toward Caleb -- combined with the nasty things he had to say about Carrie, had caused something inside of her to snap, and she knew she couldn't stay quiet anymore.

She didn't want to either.

For nearly twenty-one years she'd been dealing with his cruelty, and she was done playing the timid creature.

"Oh, you stay out of this, girl, this doesn't concern you--"

"No. I think it does," She spoke firmly, stepping between Caleb and her father. "Papa, my whole life you've been treating me as if I'm an inconvenience to you, and you've never once given me any indication that you love me or actually care for me. And for what reason? Because I'm not the son you wanted?"

"Christ, Josephine, I've heard all I want to hear--"

"I'm not finished yet," Jo kept on, both her voice and body trembling something terrible. She was terrified, but she couldn't stop. "I could've handled it, you know? If you only came here to insult me further, but you didn't. You've not only insulted me, but you deliberately chose to insult both my husband and child, and I refuse. I refuse to let you do those things any longer."

"Like hell you can refuse me, I'm your goddamn father! I'm the only family you have left you ungrateful brat! What do you think your mother would say, or your grandmother?"

"I'm not a child anymore, Papa!"

Jo surprised even herself with how loud she became, but she didn't back down. So many years of hurt, so many years of pain all came spilling out in that one sentence, and by God did it feel so freeing.

"That isn't going to work with me anymore, it won't. You're not my family, you have never been my family," she continued "I have Caleb and Carrie now, I don't need anything from you. I don't want anything else."

"Well I--"

"And furthermore, if I do have a son someday, I will never tell you. Because I'd rather my children have no grandfather at all versus one who is a cruel, selfish excuse of a man."

Sterling looked taken aback by all these words, staring at Jo like he was trying to figure out where his shy, meek daughter had gone. Maybe this was who she really was, maybe he'd never known her at all.

Either way, it was nothing Jo would lose sleep over.

Still seated on the couch, Cora was the next to say something, her voice a hushed whisper.

"Sterling, I think its best we leave now..."

He didn't respond, stood silently for about another minute, before finally grumbling under his breath and following his wife out of the parlor. He glanced back one more time as they departed, a searing fire burning in his expression.

"I hope you're satisfied, Josephine, truly. I thought marrying you off to this simpleton might humble your selfish ways, but I can see now that that was only a fool's dream," he said cruelly, but Jo refused to look at him, keeping her back turned. By now, her resolve had crumbled, and she refused to let him see her cry. Not as he had so many other times before.

"You'll get what you want, mark my words. You couldn't pay me to come back to this pigsty, even if I wanted to. You won't be seeing me, or a cent of your inheritance for that matter. I have every intention to have everything transferred to Edward as soon as he turns eighteen. At least I know the family fortune will be in more...competent hands."

"Oh keep your damn money, Mr. Blythe, we certainly don't need it." Caleb hissed, refusing to take his eyes off either of the Blythes until they'd left the house. He turned to Jo, and it only took one glance at her face for him to pull her into a tight embrace.

"Its over now, love. They're gone, you can cry," He held her close as she sobbed into his shoulder, her entire body shuddering. "I've got you, its alright..."

"God, he's so horrible. He's so horrible, Caleb, how dare he say such awful things!" Her voice was muffled, yet audible enough to know that it was breaking. "About you, about Carrie...what did she do to him besides exist? She's only a baby, she didn't do anything, she couldn't have..."

His entire shoulder soon became doused in her tears, but Caleb didn't care. Only kept holding her, until he was sure she was going to be okay. That she was going to feel safe again. Because while he may be an oafish farmer who couldn't read or write all that well, he knew how to care.

He knew how to love.

Because he loved Jo more than her father could ever claim to. He'd meant every word of his wedding vows the day he'd recited them, and he had every intention to uphold them for as long as the Good Lord would allow him.

#sims 4 #ts4 #ts4 history #ts4 historical #decades challenge #wakefield legacy #1890s #tw: emotional abuse #tw: verbal abuse

[ambrossart]

PAPER MEN

— CHAPTER 28

SUMMARY: All Evelyn Tozier wanted to do was make Derry High School a safer place for her kid brother. Well, somewhere between kissing Patrick Hockstetter and telling the principal to go f*** himself, things got a little off track. Now she’s stuck in the middle of a bizarre love triangle with two of Derry’s most troubled teens while her little brother and his friends hunt down a creepy, child-eating circus clown. This year, summer can’t come fast enough. PAIRINGS: Henry Bowers x Tozier!Sister; Patrick Hockstetter x Tozier!Sister WARNINGS: violence, profanity, sexual content, bullying, sexual assault, physical abuse, emotional abuse, all kinds of abuse, trauma, mental illness, implied/referenced self-harm, child death, angst, lots of angst, recreational drug use, underage drinking, underage sex, love triangles, toxic relationships, slow burn, slow build

WORD COUNT: 11,533

MASTERPOST

MASTERLIST

"See? Bitch!"

Christie's words sailed down the hallway and struck Evelyn on the back of the head, making her stop mid-stride. A gasp gathered in her chest as the hallway seemed to close in around her. Student faces blurred together. Sounds became muffled, all but the thunderous beating of her heart. I wasn't being a bitch, Evelyn thought, unaware of the students who gave her curious glances as they passed. I said hi, didn't I? What more do you want from me? Should I have gone up to you and shaken your hand? Said, "Oh my god, congratulations, I'm so thrilled for you two"? Because I am, I really am, I just...

(Bitch!)

Guilt and shame mixed uneasily in Evelyn's stomach. It made her feel nauseous. Made her want to walk back over to them and apologize profusely like an embarrassed little girl at a grown-up's dinner party. Oh please, oh please, don't be mad! I'm sorry if I came off a little rude earlier. I'm just having a bad day, that's all. Please don't take it personally, Christie. Pretty please? Pretty please with sugar on top? I'd really like for us to be friends.

Yes.

Friends. 

That's what I do. I make nice. I make friends. I make lemonade from lemons and turn rain clouds into rainbows. 

Well, I'm not in the mood for rainbows, Evelyn thought, and kept walking. Anger simmered inside her stomach now, and she made no effort to cool it down. I have enough lemonade, I have enough friends, and I'm not gonna apologize to Christie Gibson! Why should I? I didn't do anything wrong! She's the one who bombarded me in the hallway, smelling like Vic's bedroom, casually tossing around Mrs. Criss's first name like they're best friends. I've known Mrs. Criss my whole life, and she'd never let me call her 'Tabby'... not that I've ever really asked...

Sarah Tolleson, Evelyn's locker neighbor, said bye to Evelyn as she walked by. Evelyn, distracted as she was, said nothing back.

"Bitch," Sarah muttered under her breath. "Well, fuck you too, then."

Evelyn opened her locker, hung her backpack on the hook, and absentmindedly began gathering her textbooks one by one: English, psychology, world history...

So Christie wants to talk about Vic, huh? What could she possibly have to say to me about Vic? What, does she need gift ideas for Christmas? Buy him a bong or something, I don't know... Evelyn shoved her biology book into her bag and paused for a moment, lost in thought. She returned in a near-daze and, forgetting herself, pulled out the same book and put it back on the shelf. Oh, then she calls out to me in the hallway while she's with him, so I'd have to SEE them together. What the hell was that about, huh? Did she wanna gloat over her victory? Was she trying to get me to admit I'm jealous? Okay, fine, I'm jealous. I'm very, very jealous!

All Evelyn ever got from Victor Criss was cold distance and doors slammed in her face. Secret notes. Broken promises. He'd draw her in and then push her way. Get her hopes up only to smash them to itty bitty pieces. No matter how hard she tried, he refused to let her get close to him. And now, after wasting ten years of her life, she had to accept that this was as close as she was ever going to get: this friendship with a little asterisk next to it. They were friends, sure, but only when no one else was around. It wasn't fair.

Vic was with her—in front of everybody, and he didn't even seem embarrassed by it. How could he do that with her but not with me?

Probably for the same reason Christie Gibson won the student council vote.

Because Christie was cool and Evelyn wasn't. Christie listened to rock music, dyed her hair fun colors, and had a butterfly tattoo on her lower back. Evelyn wore knit sweaters and could hardly name a current song on the radio (she listened to Olivia Newton-John from time to time, but nobody would be very impressed by that). Yeah, Christie Gibson was the fun, laid-back rocker chick. She probably spent her nights going to parties and concerts. Evelyn, meanwhile, spent her nights studying and doing arts and crafts on her bedroom floor... making dozens of paper flowers for a sign that nobody cared about.

You know you're quite the artist.

Isn't that what Patrick Hockstetter had said? Yeah, he had. Last night, he was mesmerized by a tiny white daisy. It was such an insignificant little thing, yet he stared at it like it was something special, like Evelyn had somehow made a realdaisy bloom in the palm of her hand. It seemed strange for her to be thinking of that now.

Stranger still was the smile that came to her face when she did.

But then Evelyn thought of that shapeless violet, purple as the fading bruise on her neck, and her smile instantly vanished. She pushed the thought away and started unloading her backpack again.

Everyone thinks I'm annoying. Just Little Miss Busybody. I'm not cool like Christie Gibson. I'm not sexy like Manda Bosch. I'm just... just—

A long, slender finger poked Evelyn's shoulder twice, jolting her from her thoughts. She jumped away from it, startled. Her stack of books went leaning, leaning... leaning way too far! A dreadful moan sounded in her throat. She tried to correct the lean, failed, and clutched the two bottommost books to her chest while the rest went tumbling to the floor. Her disheartened sigh crashed against a boy's cry of panic:

"Oh, great," Evelyn said.

"Oh, God!" said the boy.

They dropped to their knees at the same time, hands bumping as they reached for Evelyn's psychology book. The boy made a whimpering noise and recoiled from her with a snap of his wrist. Evelyn followed his fleeing hand and saw it bury itself in a small nest of copper-red curls.

"I'm so sorry, Evelyn! I don't know what I was thinking, sneaking up on you like that. My mom always gets mad at me when I creep up on her in the kitchen, but I just can't help it. See, I used to make too much noise when I walked, and she would yell at me to stop dragging my feet, so I overcorrected and now I make too little noise. I didn't think that was possible, but someone how I managed. God, I'm so hopeless."

Evelyn blinked her eyes in disbelief. Soft blue eyes blinked back at her.

"Denny!"

Denny Booker responded with a frog-like croak, as if surprised by his own name. "Oh, uh... hi."

Overjoyed, Evelyn put down her books and wrapped her arms around Denny's scrawny shoulders, hugging him tightly just as she had in his kitchen the Wednesday before. Denny's face flushed with heat. As soon as their bodies made contact, his back went rigid as a plank and his skinny arms flattened against his sides.

"Sorry," Denny said once they parted. "I'm really bad at hugs, especially with, with girls. I just don't... see, I don't really know where to put my hands, if that makes sense. I'm always worried I'm gonna touch something I'm not supposed to."

Like what? Evelyn almost asked, bewildered, but she figured that would've only embarrassed him more.

Instead, she said, "It's fine, Denny. I'm just glad you're back. You are back, right?"

She stood, brushing loose specks of dirt off her stockings. Denny got up, too. He wore his backpack with both straps and kept fidgeting with the loose ends.

"Yeah... well, kinda. I just came today to drop off my homework assignments. Tomorrow's my first real day back. Oh, here, your books."

Denny bent down, picked up Evelyn's scattered books, and handed them to her with a sweet, unaffected smile. Evelyn thanked him sincerely and put them away in her locker.

"So—" Evelyn began.

"Hey, it's the Book Man!" 

They spotted Scott Kellerman at the other end of the hallway. He had been strolling through the freshmen locker area, thinking of fun, creative ways to kill a couple minutes. Now he was jogging toward them. Smiling, of course. Scott Kellerman was always smiling. He stopped briefly to give another one of his friends a high five. "Toodles, my good dude," Scott said to him. Then he rushed over to Denny and tackled him with a giant bear hug.

"What's up, buddy?" Grinning, Scott slapped his hands onto Denny's shoulders and gave him a brain-rattling shake that made Evelyn cringe and think, Oh, poor Denny. "Look at you, all rosy-cheeked and gorgeous! How you doin', man?"

"I'm, I'm good," Denny replied. "Hap-happy to be back."

"Shit, dude, you had us all freaked out in homeroom. People thought you were dying or something. As for me, I was getting ready to start sending around the ole donation jar like we did for J-Bird that one time. You remember that? 'Help, my brother needs a new kidney!' Nobody donated, though. Bummer. I guess they don't care about pot-bellied pigs in this town, not even a cute one like J-Bird."

"Oh..." Denny frowned. "Well, I'm sorry for scaring everyone."

Scott just laughed his usual carefree laugh. "Hey, no worries, dude. We're just glad to have you back. Wait, you are back, right?"

Denny nodded. "Tomorrow. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Sweetness!" Scott said, and laughed again. "Well, hey, I gotta go, man. Got a client waiting for me." He backed away from them while humming an upbeat tune he made up on the spot. "Adios, mis amigos. That's Spanish, if you didn't already know. My teacher taught it to me today. That's right, my dudes, I'm one step closer to being bilingual, baby!" He fired off two gunshots with his fingers before disappearing around the corner.

A moment of silence passed. Then Evelyn turned to Denny and said, "Did he just say he's meeting a client?"

"Oh right, yeah... Skelly's got a little side business."

"A side business? Wow!" Imagine that, Scott Kellerman was a fifteen-year-old entrepreneur. Evelyn was very impressed, and a little confused. "So does he, like, make stuff?"

"More like grows it."

To clarify what he meant, Denny pressed his thumb and index finger together and touched them briefly to his lips. Miss Quaver, the home economics teacher, came strutting out of her classroom. Denny panicked and pretended to have an itch on his face.

"Hello, children," Miss Quaver said to them with a smile. "Nice to see you back, Denny."

"Hi, Miss Quaver," Denny said, a faint blush tickling his cheeks.

When she was gone, he and Evelyn collapsed into a fit of giggles that left Evelyn in tears and Denny hacking up phlegm. This made Denny terribly embarrassed. He wiped his mouth with his sweater sleeve and apologized. Evelyn, who had been snorting like a pig, told him not to worry about it.

"Wow," she said afterward, while dabbing her eyes dry, "Skelly's a pot dealer. How did I not figure that out sooner?"

Denny cleared his throat one more time. "You're just wonderfully naive, I guess."

They shared another chuckle over that. Evelyn's shoulders bounced as she laughed. Denny, more careful this time, kept his hand cupped shyly over his mouth.

Then he said, "So, wait, why was Skelly dressed like a surfer?"

"Oh, because it's Groovy Monday," Evelyn told him. "Skelly's a Beach Boy. He had a surfboard, but he accidentally smacked Principal Hellyer with it, so it got taken away."

"Right," Denny said, unsurprised. "Yeah, I guess that explains your outfit, too."

"Yeah..."

Evelyn tucked her chin into her chest and shuffled back a step, wincing as she felt that familiar sting of self-consciousness. Oh, why had Denny returned to school on Decade Day of all days? If he had waited until tomorrow, he would have seen Evelyn dressed in comfy cotton pajamas instead of this hideously short dress that, apparently, made her look like a damn streetwalker. She braced herself for another searing hot stare, but from Denny Booker, all she felt was the most genuine warmth. His blue eyes were clear and kind.

"You look really nice," he said, and that was all. "Oh, I have your biology notes!"

He shrugged out of his backpack's right shoulder strap and pulled Evelyn's notebook out of the main zipper compartment. "You take really good notes," he said before handing it to her.

Evelyn flashed a modest smile. "Well, I do pride myself on my note-taking. Last year, I got these totally awesome gel pens that completely changed the way I..."

(It's a pen, Evelyn)

Her expression darkened. "Never mind," she said under her breath. Last year didn't matter anymore. "Anyway, I'm glad you found them useful."

She put her notebook away. When she turned back, Denny was rubbing the back of his neck and frowning.

"Hey," he went on quietly, "I want to apologize for the way I acted when you came to visit me last week. I'm honestly really embarrassed about the whole thing. You probably thought I was having a total meltdown or something."

Evelyn shook her head. "No, I didn't think that at all. And you don't have to apologize, Denny, not for any of it. You were going through a lot that day."

Denny gave a doubtful but grateful smile. "I found my dog, by the way."

"Really? That's great!"

"Yeah, we got a call from one of our neighbors this morning. He said Mandy Fazio found her sniffing around the junkyard last night and was wondering who she belonged to. I have no idea what she was doing all the way over there, but we took her to the vet, and she's perfectly fine, so... I dunno, I guess it was just one of those strange coincidences, just like you said."

"Yeah," Evelyn said.

A strange coincidence, indeed.

I questioned Patrick about this last night. Now, all of a sudden—

Denny's face paled, and he drew back with fright. "Uhh... I have to go now."

"Huh? Why, Denny? Is everything all right?"

"Yeah, I just, uhh..." Denny dragged his fingers through his curls. His hairline was damp with sweat, Evelyn saw, and now it was trickling down his forehead. "I just remembered that I need to pick up something from the office, and I... I need to head over there before, you know, before they close for the day. See you tomorrow, Evelyn."

He staggered backward, spun around, and sped off down the hallway... in the opposite direction of the office.

Weird, Evelyn thought, her chest tight with worry. I hope he'll be okay to return tomorrow.

She stared down the hallway for a moment longer, wondering what unseen terror had set Denny off this time. Her answer came in the form of slow, plodding footsteps. She turned around and saw Patrick Hockstetter walking up to her with a lazy, swaying stride.

"What's his problem?" he asked, seemingly unaware.

Seemingly.

Evelyn's eyes sharpened into a suspicious glare.

"What?" Patrick said, blinking at her with that same dumb, oblivious expression. Then, slowly, his lips curled into a wide, open-mouthed grin. "Wait, was that...?"

"Oh, stop it already, Patrick. As if you don't know."

He tossed his head to the side. "What was his name again?"

"You know his name, Patrick. I refuse to believe you have no idea who your fellow classmates are."

This was all just an act, and a bad one at that.

She grabbed her biology book, put it in her bag, and left it there this time. That's right, Evelyn finally had her head screwed on properly again. She wasn't floating through space or wading through a deep sea of sad thoughts. She was here, grounded firmly in reality... and keenly aware of how close Patrick had gotten. His warm breath fanned the side of her face.

"Believe what you want," Patrick said, "but as far as I'm concerned, you and I are the only two people in this school."

Evelyn turned to meet his empty, probing stare. When she did, a chill ran up her spine. Looking into Patrick's eyes was kind of like staring into a void. It was like leaning over the side of a ship and gazing into the deep, dark ocean below. Your survival instincts tell you to step back from the edge and walk away, but before you do, a small part of you wonders, What if I jumped? 

Evelyn was hearing that voice now, tempting and frightening all at the same time. She pulled away from it, away from him, and said, "No offense, Patrick, but that sounds kinda like a nightmare."

"Really?" he said. "I think it sounds pretty nice."

His eyes told her he wasn't kidding. But he had to be, didn't he?

Another shiver rolled through her. Evelyn put the question behind her and finished packing up her homework.

"So," Patrick went on, leaning against the locker beside her, "did he finally find his dog?"

Evelyn's eyes sharpened again. Strange coincidence, my ass. 

"Oh my god!" she said.

"What?" Patrick asked, looking at her with genuine surprise.

No.

Seemingly genuine.

Evelyn jabbed at his chest with an accusing finger. "Oh, you... you are so transparent!"

"What? I'm just making conversation."

"Yeah, sure you are, Patrick."

"I am," he insisted. Then his eyes flattened. "Wait a second, you still think I took that dog, don't you? Listen, Evelyn, before last night I didn't even know who that kid was, okay? I mean, jeez... you torture a few puppies and you're branded a dog killer for the rest of your life. Where's the justice in that?"

"Yes, Patrick, you're the true victim in all of this."

"Whatever," he said. "I'm sick of talking about this. Anyway, what are you doing after school?"

Evelyn gave him a tired look.

"What?" Patrick said. "We're friends, right? Friends hang out after school."

"Don't you have detention?"

"In theory," Patrick answered, "but realistically, it wouldn't be too hard for me to slip away for a few minutes... you know, if you wanted to find an empty classroom and let me fool around under that cute little skirt of yours." He eyed it with a lustful smirk, then started teasing the hem with his fingers. "By the way, have I told you how much I like this outfit? You should dress like this more often."

And with that, down went the judge's gavel.

It's official: I'm dressed like a whore.

"The stockings kinda ruin it, though," Patrick finished, observing them with a frown. Shamelessly, he tried to sneak a peek under her skirt. Evelyn swatted his hand away without looking.

"It was forty degrees out this morning, Patrick."

"Is that cold?" he asked, but he didn't wait for Evelyn's answer. "So you wanna hang out or not?"

"Can't. I'm grading quizzes for Mrs. Lafferty."

It was part of Henry's plea deal. In exchange for Mrs. Lafferty's support, Evelyn agreed to grade her quizzes for the rest of the semester. And how did Henry pay her back? The only way he knew how: with cruelty and malice. No good deed goes unpunished, right?

"Oh?" Patrick said, sounding very intrigued. "And will you be alone while you're grading these quizzes?"

"No, Mrs. Lafferty will be there. She has a student staying late to take a quiz."

"Well, I don't mind an audience... although it might make you a little uncomfortable."

Evelyn heaved a loud, frustrated sigh. "Okay, I'm leaving now," she said, and closed her locker. When she tried to walk away, Patrick gently grabbed her wrist.

"I'm kidding, I'm kidding," he said, chuckling. "What are you doing on Friday night?"

"Friday's the homecoming game, Patrick."

"Okay, that means nothing to me... but I'm assuming you're going?"

"Yes, Patrick, everyone's going."

"Oh, everyone's going, huh?" His grey-green eyes gleamed. "So if I go, I'll probably see you there."

"Probably."

"Cool." Patrick smiled, very pleased. "We can hang out then."

"I don't think that's a good idea, Patrick."

Evelyn pulled her hand out of his grasp. Patrick frowned as he watched it slip away.

"Why?" he asked in a sullen voice. "You ashamed to be seen with me at a school event? Afraid of what your friends in the student council will think? What Jake Newham will think?"

"Of course not," Evelyn said, but she realized that was a lie. She was ashamed to be seen with Patrick, deeply ashamed, and now she felt like a total hypocrite.

Evelyn grunted low in her throat, regretting this decision with every fiber of her being. "Okay, fine, we can hang out at the homecoming game, but—" She raised her finger and spoke in her stern babysitter voice, the one she pulled out when a stubborn child refused to obey her. So far, she had only used it once: when Max Kenton wouldn't stop pulling his sister's hair, that little shit. "Don't ever interrupt my lunch meetings again, Patrick. Okay? I use those meetings to conduct very important business. The last thing I need is you feeling me up under the table."

"I thought that was a bug," Patrick said with a cheeky little smirk. Evelyn put her hand on her hip and raised her eyebrows, another trick from the babysitter's handbook. Patrick threw his head back and let out a disgruntled moan. "Okay, fine, I won't bother you at lunch anymore."

"Thank you." Evelyn smiled, pivoted on her heel, and walked away with a confident strut. Halfway down the hall, she stopped. "Oh, and I'm reenacting the 'No Touch' rule."

Patrick's jaw clenched. "What?"

"We're friends, right?" Evelyn wore a charming yet taunting smile. "Friends don't touch each other like that."

"Well, maybe not your friends," Patrick said, but ultimately he gave in. "All right, Evelyn, you win, but the same clause applies as before. Fair enough?"

Evelyn pressed her lips together tightly, holding in a laugh. "Sure, Patrick. When I beg you to touch me, feel free to go crazy." She released the laugh once her back was turned. It burst out of her in a series of giggles that rang throughout the hallway like the delightful tinkling of bells.

Patrick listened to it, smiling. "I plan to," he said to himself. Then, before she got too far: "Oh, Evelyn, just one more thing."

She turned around, still giggling. "Hm?"

"I love how you said 'when' and not 'if.'"

Evelyn's laughter caught in her throat, almost choked her.

Patrick's smile grew. "See you tomorrow, Evelyn." He backed away, slipped around the corner, and was gone.

Evelyn stood paralyzed, speechless, her face getting redder and hotter by the second. "That's just... semantics!" she declared, her arms flopping helplessly at her sides.

God dammit, she thought. How the hell does he do that?

It's because he's so attractive, that's what it is. Puberty screwed me over real good, but it gave him a massive growth spurt that turned him into a fricken Adonis. How is that fair? I get a flat chest, no hips, and Patrick gets the chiseled bone structure of a male model. Okay, I'm exaggerating. He's not that good-looking... No, actually he is that good-looking, and it's really unfortunate. If he looked like he did in elementary school, I wouldn't be in this predicament. He's vile and repulsive, but then he smiles and acts so weirdly charming. Oh my god, I hate that I just used the word "charming." But he is. He's grotesquely charming, if that's even a thing. Like most of the time I wanna slap him in the face for the shit he says, but other times, I wanna grab him and...

No. 

Wait. 

Oh my god, he's doing it again! 

Last night, he confessed to murdering cute, fluffy puppies—and I love puppies!—but I'm not even thinking about that right now. No, I'm too busy thinking about his hand under my skirt. I swear to God, if he ever tries something like that again, I'm gonna punch him in the face. Right in the middle of the lunch room, too. Who does that? A sexual deviant, for one. That was practically assault! But I have to smile and go along with it. I have to give him what he wants; otherwise, this torture will never end. 

Problem is, I have no idea what he wants. It's not sex, that's for sure. No, he's just using that to distract me... but from what?

Her steps slowed in the middle of the hallway. While contemplating Patrick's motives, Evelyn was fiddling with her right pinky: tracing over it with her thumbnail, bending it, squeezing it until the tip turned reddish purple. Down the hall was Mrs. Lafferty's classroom. The door was propped open, waiting for her to go inside. All right, that's enough now, Evie. She snapped out of her daze, picked up the pace and

"Bye, Manda!"

"See you tomorrow!"

froze as a senior brushed past her right shoulder.

"Whoops, sorry," the girl said, and Evelyn got a big whiff of her spicy, exotic Yves Saint Laurent perfume. It was a woman's fragrance, strong and intimidating, and it masked the soft, sweet, candy-like scent of Evelyn's drugstore perfume. The smell overwhelmed her for a second. Made her nose wrinkle in a silly, childish way. She recovered quickly and spun around just in time to catch a glimpse of the girl's long, thick fishtail braid as she went around the corner. Wrapped around the tail end, winking in the light, was a metallic silver scrunchie.

Evelyn's breath hitched. "That's..." and her feet moved on their own.

Inside the senior locker area, Manda Bosch was humming U2's "With or Without You" while she strolled toward her locker with her books cradled in her arms. The heels of her boots thumped against the tile. Her wide, womanly hips swayed sensually inside a pair of high-waisted, loose-fitting jeans. A black long-sleeve shirt, which she wore tucked, hugged her upper body like a second skin, showing off her ample curves.

Evelyn, who had no curves, was sick with envy. She crossed her arms over her small breasts, feeling unsexy and unfeminine, and thought, If I looked like that, then maybe... 

No.

She inhaled sharply, her brown eyes glazed with panic and fear.

No, I shouldn't be here. This was a mistake! Why did I think seeing her would make this any easier? I was having a hard enough time accepting that Henry had sex with someone else, and now that "someone else" has a name and a body and... and I don't think I can handle seeing her face right now. If I see her face, then it becomes real and

A single tear rolled down her cheek, her lips, her chin.

I should go, she told herself, and stepped back. Mrs. Lafferty's waiting for me. I promised I'd grade her quizzes and...

She took one step forward, then another.

Manda Bosch was standing in front of her open locker now, still humming, occasionally singing under her breath: "With or without you… With or without you, oh..." The inside of her locker was decorated with pictures of her friends, her family, and her longtime boyfriend, Matt Aikman, a freshman at USM. Manda was pulling books off the shelf and putting them away in her backpack. While she did this, Evelyn couldn't stop staring at her hands. Manda Bosch had these long, red, perfectly pointed fingernails, and they had cut Henry's face.

At first, the sight of them filled Evelyn with intense, overprotective rage. She wanted to storm up to her and say, "How dare you put your hands on him?" But that feeling passed so quickly. It was there one minute, burning her from the inside, and the next it was gone. It had cooled and hardened into a giant lump that sat in the pit of her stomach, and now a cruel voice was whispering,

What else did she do with those hands?

No, Evelyn didn't want to think about that, not now, not ever, but her mind started conjuring up images on its own. Casting them onto a giant silver screen. Manda Bosch running her hands through Henry's dirty blond hair. Brushing the side of his face with her fingertips. Slipping her hands underneath his shirt and touching him lightly, caressing his stomach, his chest, sliding around to feel the strong muscles of his back.

Evelyn watched the whole film from beginning to end, unable to look away. She was trapped in the middle of a crowded auditorium, strapped to a cushioned red velvet chair, unaware of the surprise waiting for her. It was Friday night at the Aladdin, and everyone in the audience was being treated to a special double feature. Two films. One night only. Buy your tickets in advance, folks, because this is one event you don't wanna miss! The first picture was one of the year's most-anticipated blockbusters, and the next one, well... that one was a classic. Yeah, even an out-of-touch workaholic like Evelyn would recognize that title. In fact, was one of her favorite films. She watched it every night.

In her bedroom.

Alone.

While she sadly traced over the wrinkles in her floral quilt.

Excited applause sprang up around her. Then the lights dimmed and the opening credits began to roll. As soon as the first name appeared on screen, Evelyn's stomach churned with dread. No, she couldn't bear to sit through this movie again. Not again. Not ever again. She got up and fought her way to the aisle, trampling women's purses, tripping over outstretched legs. All the moviegoers lashed out angrily: Get down! Get down, you're blocking the screen! I paid good money to see this flick! She ducked as a box of popcorn came flying at her. It went over her shoulder and exploded against the screen like a spray of fireworks, but Evelyn did not look. No, she would not look. She put her head down and kept moving, eyes closed to the intimate scene that was playing in front of everyone, ears shut to the men who whooped and wolf-whistled, the women who voiced quiet murmurs of disgust. Blind and deaf to it all, she stumbled into the aisle and went running for the exit.

Mr. Foxworth smiled as she passed, his eyes glowing eerily in the light. Don't you wanna see the ending? he said. The ending's the best part.

Evelyn turned back to look at him, her expression a mixture of shock and horror, and then she saw...

("Hey, you okay?")

saw the screen flickering, stuck on a single image. It burned away as a hand reached out from the darkness and landed on her shoulder.

("Hey... Hey!")

"Hey, space cadet!"

Evelyn emerged from her thoughts groggily, blinking. It was Manda Bosch, staring at her with dark chocolate brown eyes, the kind of eyes a boy could get lost in... Henry probably had, too.

(What else did she do with those hands?)

Evelyn flinched with sudden awareness. She looked down at her shoulder, saw the girl's hand, and wrenched away from it. Warily, Manda Bosch withdrew her hand and apologized. There was a small wrinkle between her perfectly shaped brows now. Her lips, red and full, had gathered into a concerned pout that somehow made her even more beautiful.

Did he let you kiss him? Evelyn wondered, devastated.

"Do you need something?" Manda asked, tilting her head. Her voice was melodious and sweet despite her confusion, much sweeter than Evelyn expected.

"Uhh... no," Evelyn said. She drew back a step and crossed her arms in front of her. "Sorry..."

Manda smiled awkwardly. Even that was pretty. "Okay, well... take it easy, okay?"

She made a vague gesture with her hand, circled around Evelyn's right, and started humming again as she walked toward the senior exit. Evelyn cupped her elbows with her palms and withdrew into herself, feeling more like a child than ever. She wanted to go home. She wanted to go home, bury herself under the covers, and forget this day ever happened.

But then she heard Manda's voice again

"Hey," she said, leaning away from the door, "cute dress, by the way."

and that was more than she could take.

Smiling to herself, Manda pushed on the door and walked out. While she strolled through the senior parking lot and swung her keys, while she drove home and sang along to her favorite song on the radio, Evelyn collapsed onto the senior couch, dropped her head into her hands, and sobbed.

"Well, that test sucked."

"Yeah, I hate when they sneak in an extra essay question at the end. What kinda sick, sadistic shit is that? Like I'm stressed out enough, thank you very much, and now you expect me to write a perfectly structured, five-paragraph response to your vaguely worded question? Fuck off with that bullshit. In conclusion, you're a crazy Nazi bitch and your class sucks!" 

"Whoa, did you seriously write that? 'Cause you would totally be my hero if you did."

"God, I wish I did... I swear, every time I see that woman, I just wanna—Evelyn!"

Evelyn dried her eyes as Elizabeth Mueller entered the senior locker area with Desiree Van Blair and Peter Gordon.

Unlike most of the upperclassmen, Liz and Des had actually dressed up for spirit week. They figured, what the hell, right? It was their senior year and they wanted to have some fun before they graduated. Today, Liz was wearing a Twiggy-inspired green shift dress with an exaggerated collar, black fishnet tights, and a pair of Mary Janes. Des was wearing her Halloween costume from last year. She went as Holly Golightly from the 1961 romantic comedy Breakfast at Tiffany's, and she got really annoyed when the other students didn't understand the reference. "God, this town's a cultural wasteland. It's like living in the Bermuda Triangle or something. Nobody knows how to dress and everyone sucks."

Liz was currently gushing over Evelyn's outfit. She took the girl's hands and pulled her up from the couch to get a better look at her.

"Oh my god, you look absolutely perfect!" she said, squeezing Evelyn's face between her palms. Close as they were, it was obvious that Evelyn had been crying, but Liz was gracious enough to keep this knowledge to herself. She wiped away the last streak of wetness with her thumb and smiled. "You're the most precious thing I've ever seen in my life."

Evelyn smiled back timidly. "You don't think I look slutty?"

Liz gasped, outraged. "Oh, what bitch said that? Was it Jackie? 'Cause that sounds exactly like something Jackie would say."

Desiree spoke up from the couch. She was sitting on the arm and pretending to smoke from her long black cigarette holder. "Oh my god, Liz, did you see what she was wearing today? She thinks she's Jackie O."

Liz rolled her eyes. "More like Jackie O, could you be more fucking obnoxious? Wait, was that mean?"

"A little, but who cares? It was funny."

The girls tittered like wicked stepsisters and, for a moment, appeared every bit as mean as Greta Bowie and Liz's little sister, Sally. Evelyn stood between them, feeling uncomfortable, feeling like maybe it was time to leave. Liz noticed this and her face flushed with shame.

"Oh shit," she said. "Dammit, Des, we can't keep falling back into old habits like this! I don't wanna go to college with any negativity. I may not like Jackie personally, but that's no reason to cut her down for her unfortunate fashion choices... even though she's a fucking bitch and deserves it." Liz took a deep breath and carried on with a smile. "Anyway, come sit for a minute, Evelyn. Let's talk."

Evelyn's eyes drifted toward the hallway. "Oh, but I really should get going."

Mrs. Lafferty was already expecting her, and...

"Just for a minute," Liz said, and led her back to the couch. Evelyn followed the older girl obediently. They sat side by side, knee to knee. Liz laid her hands neatly on her lap and smiled prettily at her. "So, how's the situation?"

"The situation?"

"She means Hockstetter," Des explained bluntly, while Peter Gordon went to his locker and pretended not to listen. Evelyn suspected he was listening, though, because he kept peeking over his shoulder every now and then. This made Evelyn feel a little uneasy. She didn't want to talk about this around so many people. In fact, she didn't want to talk about it at all. Not with Liz. Not with anybody. She didn't think they would understand.

"We saw that stunt he pulled at lunch today," Des was saying now. "That was bold, even for him."

"Yeah," Liz agreed, "and we just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Oh, I'm fine," Evelyn said, more abruptly than she'd intended. "Yeah, I've got the situation totally under control."

Liz's made-up doe eyes widened in surprise. "Oh..." she began in a chaste whisper, a faint blush warming her face. As her voice trailed off, her gaze fell slowly, softly, and landed gently as a feather upon Evelyn's neck. "Oh..." Liz said again. Her hand went to her mouth and her blush deepened.

By now, the hickey had faded enough that Evelyn could cover it pretty easily with makeup... or so she thought. Concealed or not, a well-trained eye could probably spot it with little effort. Desiree, who had already established herself as an expert on the subject, lowered her oversized sunglasses and peered down at her.

"Wow," she said with an impressed smirk. "Yeah, I'd say she definitely has it under control, Liz. Good girl. You ride that crazy train."

Liz swatted her friend away like a buzzing fly. Evelyn quickly covered up the mark with her hair.

"It's not what it looks like," she said. "Patrick just—"

"Hey, you don't have to explain yourself," Liz said with false sincerity. Evelyn would have thought it was genuine, but the shrewdness in her eyes gave it away. "We're not judging you or anything."

"Really?" Evelyn said. "Because it kinda seems like you are."

Her tone was sharp, and rightfully so.

"I don't know what you all expect me to do. Everyone keeps judging me for what I do or don't do with Patrick, but what nobody seems to understand is that I don't have a choice! Look, I didn't ask for this, okay? I don't know why Patrick's bothering me all of a sudden, but he is, and now there's nothing I can do about it. I mean, it's inevitable, right? That's what Marci seems to think, anyway, and honestly I'm starting to think she's right. So what am I supposed to do now, Liz? Huh? You were nice enough to warn me about him, but... now what?"

Liz Mueller recoiled as if slapped. All the color drained from her face.

"I don't know," she confessed quietly, suddenly afraid for her. "I'm sorry, I have no idea what you're supposed to do."

Silence prevailed for the next thirty seconds. Liz turned forward, dropped her chin into her chest, and stared guiltily at her manicured hands. Next to her, Desiree had removed her sunglasses and was gnawing anxiously on the plastic tip. Peter Gordon glanced over her shoulder and saw her doing this. He made a sickened face and whipped back around. Right now, he wanted to crawl inside his locker and close the door. He couldn't stand tense silences like this. They reminded him a little too much of home.

"Just... be careful, okay?" Liz finally said. "If things start to get weird, or you start to feel unsafe for whatever reason, make sure you tell someone. Tell your mom, your best friend, me, Marci, just... someone, okay? Most of the other girls wish they had. Shit, I know I did." She reached over and gave Evelyn's knee a comforting pat. "You're not alone in this, Evelyn. I know it might seem like you are, but you're not. We all know what you're going through."

Evelyn smiled gently, gratefully, but part of her wondered if any of them truly understood.

Time crawled forward. Evelyn looked up at the clock and saw that it was almost a quarter to four now. Mrs. Lafferty was probably getting angry with her. She was probably tapping her foot, glaring at the clock, and thinking, Well, is that little brat showing up or what? Evelyn felt guilty about that. She knew it wasn't polite to keep people waiting, and yet...

"Hey, do you guys know Manda Bosch?"

"Manda?" Liz and Des exchanged a furtive glance. "Sure. What about her?"

"There's just a rumor going around about her and a boy in my grade."

"Oh, right," Liz said, and for some reason, Des started to laugh. "I keep forgetting you sophomores are new to this. Look, you just have to learn to ignore her, okay? Manda does this kinda shit all the time, and I mean all the time. She parties way too hard, gets way too drunk, and then cheats on her boyfriend with some loser who won't refuse her. Then she sobers up the next morning, feels guilty, and cries rape to cover her own ass. It's really sad and pathetic, honestly, but I guess it works 'cause her boyfriend still hasn't dumped her even though he's way out of her league. I don't understand the appeal, personally. I mean, she must give really good head or something."

Evelyn squirmed at that remark. Behind her, Peter Gordon was coughing as if he'd swallowed something wrong.

"So you're saying she just made it up?" Evelyn asked, hopeful.

"Oh yeah, for sure. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all for supporting victims and everything, but Manda Bosch is not a victim. She's just a sloppy, sloppy drunk who will spread her legs for anyone. That sounded really mean, I know, but it's just a fact. She even came onto Pete once, practically right in front of me."

"And I ignored that siren's song," Peter interjected passionately. "I said to her, 'No, you foul temptress, you stay away! I have a beautiful girlfriend and I love her with all my heart.'"

Liz gave him a dubious look. "Yeah, like you're going anywhere." Then, to Evelyn: "See, Pete's not the cheating type. He knows he hit the jackpot with me and he's not about to squander his winnings on some dumb, drunk slut. Find yourself a guy like that, Evelyn, and all these rumors just become background noise."

"Okay," Evelyn said uneasily. This conversation had taken a few unexpected turns and she was struggling to keep up. "So it's definitely not true?"

"No..." Liz said, but her voice sounded strangely high-pitched all of a sudden. "Well, I mean, it's probably not true... Why? Who's the rumor about?"

"Umm, Henry Bowers," Evelyn answered anxiously, and flicked her eyes away. "I don't know if you know who that is."

"Yeah, all you sophomores kinda blur together... Oh, wait, he's the really angry one, right? The kid who always looks like he's gonna stab somebody?"

Evelyn gave a reluctant nod. It wasn't the kindest description, but it was probably the most accurate.

"Huh," Liz said. "Well, that changes things a bit."

Evelyn's stomach dropped. "You think it could be true?"

"Well, no, not necessarily. Hold on a sec." Liz craned her head around and called out to her boyfriend: "Hey, Pete, you used to hang out with that Bowers kid, didn't you?"

"Yeah, for a like a summer," Peter Gordon answered shortly. He wore the tight, apprehensive expression of a man who'd just been asked to take the stand and testify as an eyewitness in a murder trial. "That was a long time ago, Liz..."

Peter was fifteen then and feeling rebellious. His parents had recently split up, and he was going through a tough time. He thought it'd be kind of cathartic to shoot stuff, smash a couple windows, and shoplift dirty magazines. Petty crimes. Maybe a misdemeanor or two. He wasn't expecting it to get as intense as it did, and there were times when Henry Bowers honestly frightened him. He'd never seen so much hate in one person.

"Okay," Liz said, "but did he seem like a rapist to you?"

Evelyn winced at that word. How could everyone throw it around so casually?

"Racist? Yeah. Rapist? No, I wouldn't quite go that far... but again, that was a long time ago. Who knows what that kid's capable of now."

"Not that," Evelyn said. "No, Henry didn't rape anybody."

Liz shrugged. "Okay, well... there's your answer. They probably just had sex."

"Sex. Right."

Evelyn gulped down both words, closed her mouth, and nodded stiffly, feeling her blood thumping in her temples. Liz and Des studied her quietly, looked at each other, and quickly put together the rest of the puzzle. When they saw the completed picture, Des cringed and Liz's pretty pink lips parted with an inaudible gasp.

"Oh..." Liz whispered, looking down at Evelyn with a sympathetic frown. "Oh, sweetie, no..."

Then Des said, "I remember when I was going through my bad boy phase. God, was that a mistake."

Evelyn's face flamed with dull anger. "No, that's not—" but a gruff voice cut her off.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

Martin Davers had emerged from the hallway with a notebook wedged under his arm and a pencil tucked behind his ear. He opened his locker, tossed everything inside, and slammed the door closed. His biceps bulged under the tight fabric of his shirt. His eyes, a dark, stormy blue, narrowed into a fierce, territorial glare as he squared up to Evelyn like a menacing troll. Martin was six feet tall and heavily muscled. He used to be on the football team, but he got cut during his second year because he couldn't meet the minimum grade requirement. Now Martin was constantly looking for new ways to release all his pent-up aggression. Evelyn Tozier was his favorite target.

Liz rolled her eyes at Martin, unbothered. "Speaking of bad boys... What do you want, Martin?"

"I'm just wondering what a sophomore's doing in the senior locker area."

Evelyn flinched suddenly, forgetting where she was, and as she looked around now, all the furniture had grown shockingly large. She felt like she was sitting inside some silly funhouse where everything was comically oversized. All the lockers towered over her like skyscrapers. The couch seemed big enough to swallow her whole; Evelyn's feet could barely reach the edge. She sat upon the tattered cushion like a doll waiting for some little girl to come along and carry her off to tea time. Oh, yes, tea time. Tea time with March Hare and the Hatter. Evelyn was a child trapped in Wonderland, lost and scared, staring at the Cheshire Cat's mischievous grin.

"Look, she's with us, okay?" Liz Mueller made a dismissive motion with her hand, then turned back to Evelyn, who had shifted her weight forward in an early attempt to stand. The girl's face had gone terribly pale. "Oh, Evelyn, don't let him scare you off. Martin's just an asshole."

"No, it's okay," she said colorlessly. "I have to get going, anyway."

(I'm late for tea...)

Mrs. Lafferty was expecting her, and it would have been rude to keep her waiting any longer... yes, rude, that sounded right. It was Evelyn's good manners that compelled her to leave so quickly. It was good manners that made her press her thighs together and cross her arms over her chest. Good manners that had her staggering to her feet, mumbling goodbye to the floor, and walking away as fast as she could.

It had nothing to do with Martin's stare—that hot, searing stare that seemed to follow her down the hallway.

Evelyn started apologizing before she even entered the classroom.

"Sorry, I'm late, Mrs. Laff—" she began, but the rest of the words had tumbled inward and back down her throat. She stopped in the middle of the doorway, one foot in, one foot out, with her right arm bent at the elbow, beginning an apologetic wave. Evelyn never finished it, though. Much like her words, her hand had retreated into itself, curled into a loose fist, and fallen limp at her side. Her eyes widened with shock and disbelief. Her heart jogged in her chest. She drew in a breath and held it for a moment, forcing herself to calm down.

Before she arrived, the classroom had been quiet and empty apart from the two occupied desks. Mrs. Lafferty sat at hers with a cup of honeyed tea and was idly stirring it while she reviewed tomorrow's lesson plans. She looked up briefly when she heard Evelyn's voice. It was a very distinct voice, loud and clumsy as one might expect from a Tozier, but at least hers wasn't accompanied by crude humor and poorly performed (not to mention grossly offensive) accents. Yes, in that regard, her little brother was truly unique.

Mrs. Lafferty smiled at Evelyn. "Don't worry about it. You're in fine company. This one kept me waiting, too," she said, tipping her head toward the student sitting in the back. "He's lucky I didn't leave and just give him a zero, but I don't think I'll be getting a thank you for that, will I?"

Mrs. Lafferty was answered with silence. For once, Henry Bowers had nothing to say... not to her, anyway.

He had been hunching over his math quiz and glaring at question number four when he heard Evelyn's voice drift through the open door, her words amplified by the hollow silence that had fallen over the school. As soon as the sound hit Henry's ears, his back straightened and his heart started racing. It was an instinctual reaction, kind of like when Henry flinched whenever his dad reached for his belt. That one motion stirred up a decade's worth of painful memories and emotions and drove them straight to the surface like worms wiggling up from the dirt during a rainstorm. His dad didn't even need to beat him anymore (but he did anyway). He simply had to gesture toward his belt and Henry cowered back in submission. Yes, sir. No, sir. Straighten up and get back in line.

Of course, it was only kind of like that. There was no pain associated with the sound of Evelyn Tozier's voice (unless you counted the slight hangover-like headache that sometimes occurred halfway through a conversation with her). No with her voice, Henry felt only the most wonderful, comforting calm, bright with her laughter, warm with her smile, soft as the woven cotton blanket that he often found draped over him when he woke up in the middle of the night. Henry would sit up, look across the room, and see Evelyn passed out at her desk with her head nestled inside the crook of her arm. Usually, he would leave after that, but sometimes he would sit and observe her for a while, listening to her gentle snoring, watching her skin sparkle beneath the soft glow of her desk lamp, feeling his heart slowly thudding in his chest, getting stronger and stronger. Henry could have stayed like that forever.

Happy.

Peaceful.

Safe.

Evelyn Tozier was a sweet escape, and Henry craved her like a junkie needing a fix. It was a desperate, visceral desire that gripped him more firmly with each passing day. Growing. Intensifying. Evolving into a savage, carnal beast that was impossible to control.

When Henry heard her voice that afternoon, every nerve in his body came alive at once. He had to grip the edge of his desk because he didn't trust himself to stay in his chair. How could he when Evelyn was standing on the other side of that door? When that safe, peaceful, happy feeling was finally within reach? All Henry had to do was get up, run out that door and—

Evelyn appeared in the doorway, wearing that sunshine yellow dress with the flouncy little skirt that went whoosh-whoosh every time she moved her hips. The skirt that tempted him. Teased him. Taunted him. The skirt that Patrick Hockstetter's hand had crawled underneath like some filthy, disgusting insect... and she didn't push his hand away.

??WHY DIDN'T SHE PUSH HIS HAND AWAY??

(Because she's a whore, just like your mother)

No. No, she's not, Dad. She's nothing like—

(YOU ARGUING WITH ME NOW, BOY?)

Belt.

Flinch.

No, sir. 

Whore, sir. 

!!STRAIGHTEN UP AND GET BACK IN LINE!!

When Henry saw Evelyn in that yellow dress, his mind became a battlefield. All his thoughts were clashing against each other in bloody combat, and he didn't know which side was going to kill the others and claim him. He was being pulled in too many directions. Assaulted by too many urges. All the while, Evelyn stood there staring at him with that hopeful, frightened look, like she desperately wished he would speak to her, but she was also terrified of what he might say.

And that's when Henry realized he was frightened of himself, too.

If he ran to her now like he wanted to, he wasn't sure what would happen. In one thought, he was wrapping his arms around her and hugging her. In another, he was pushing her against the wall and smashing his mouth against her warm, soft lips. In another, he was squeezing his fingers around her neck and throttling her until all the light left her eyes.

Slapping her.

Beating her.

Bashing her head against the wall again and again and again.

(Because that's what you do with whores)

The thought rose up from nowhere. It had caught him off guard. Snuck up behind him and tried to seize control. Henry fought it back and it left easily enough, but he knew it wasn't gone for good. Eventually, it would come back even stronger. Maybe next time it would win. Maybe. Maybe—

"Head down, Mr. Bowers," Mrs. Lafferty said as she stood up from her desk. "You're here to take a quiz, not gawk at pretty girls."

"Fuck you, bitch," Henry muttered under his breath, relieved to hear his own voice again. Just his own voice again.

Mrs. Lafferty walked over to Evelyn, who had turned away and was now approaching a small table at the front of the classroom. Honestly, Henry was glad for the distance. The further away the better. For her sake. He put his head down and tried to focus on his quiz.

"You don't have to finish this all today, of course," Mrs. Lafferty was saying to Evelyn, "just the two morning classes should be enough. Whatever you have left, you can just leave in the pile there. I'll take the rest home with me tonight."

Evelyn nodded, pulled out the chair, and sat down. As soon as she did, she felt two eyes drilling through the back of her skull. Her heart bucked wildly. She looked over her shoulder and caught Henry's gaze for half a second, but then Mrs. Lafferty called her attention back and placed two red pens on the table. Upon withdrawing her hand, she said, "Oh, and Evelyn? No doodling on the quizzes, please."

Evelyn smiled back sheepishly. "Right, sorry... sometimes I get a little carried away."

After all, grading quizzes got awfully boring after a while. In that state, it was easy for her to accidentally turn a simple smiley face into a cat or a dog... or a cute, friendly little monkey swinging off the edge of the score. Evelyn was no artist, but she hoped her doodles gave the students a good chuckle when they got their quizzes back. Especially those who failed. For those unlucky few, Evelyn hoped her drawings helped soften the blow, if only just a little.

Mrs. Lafferty returned to her desk and reached for her tea. After taking a few slow sips, she lowered her cup and said with a forced smile, "By the way, Evelyn, I had a lovely little chat with your mother this morning."

"Oh?" Evelyn said, and that was where the conversation ended.

Judging by Mrs. Lafferty's expression, there had been nothing lovely about that chat, nothing at all.

Evelyn put her head down and quietly began her work: comparing each answer against the key, marking the wrong ones with her pen, counting up the marks, tallying up the final score, and printing it at the top of the page. Each score was accompanied by an encouraging message like GREAT JOB! WAY TO GO!! AWESOME EFFORT!!! Then she would place the paper in the completed pile and move on to the next one.

Behind her, Henry Bowers kept his head bent over his quiz the whole time, his expression frustrated and tense. Evelyn didn't look back at him either, not once, not even when the urge was so strong she thought she might go crazy. She couldn't bear to look at him now, conflicted as she was. It brought up too many questions... questions Evelyn wasn't sure she wanted the answers to.

Did you let her kiss you? she wondered as she stared down at the red pen. Because I never... 

"Head down, Mr. Bowers. I won't say it again."

Evelyn sucked in a quiet breath, held it, and slowly peeked over her left shoulder. Henry's head was down again, his hand furiously scribbling on the paper. Evelyn continued to hold her breath, continued to stare, until his eyes finally lifted off the page. Henry's writing hand slowed, then stopped. Evelyn's breath left her in a long, drawn-out sigh. Then Mrs. Lafferty got up from her desk, Henry dropped his head, and Evelyn turned back around.

"Evelyn, I need to go to the teacher's lounge for a few minutes," she said, but what she really meant was, I'm stepping outside for a smoke. "Henry, you have five minutes left. Leave your quiz on my desk when you're done."

Mrs. Lafferty's heels clicked delicately as she walked, the sound drifting further and further... further away. Then there was only silence.

Evelyn sat back and stared gloomily at the clock. It was four twenty-two now, but the time never registered in her head. She was too busy thinking, hoping, wishing those hands would unwind and go backward just this once. Take them back to that blissful Before: before Evelyn wore this stupid dress, before Henry had sex with Manda Bosch, before Patrick Hockstetter picked up Evelyn's clipboard, followed her into the hallway, and asked, Where have I seen you?, before the trunk, before the stolen shirts, before the long, lonely, miserable summer... before Evelyn crossed the line and messed everything up.

Can we just go back, please? she begged. Because every day after that has been a total nightmare. 

(and she had a terrible feeling it was only going to get worse)

Evelyn gave the clock one last pleading look, and the clock stared back in silent refusal. Its hands ticked, tocked, and crept forward.

(Tick)

(Tock)

(Tick)

(Tock)

Henry finished his quiz, dropped it off on the teacher's desk, and—

Evelyn stood up and said, "Can you please talk to me? Because I really don't understand what I did wrong."

Her plea was weak, desperate. Henry didn't even hear it. He went around her and started walking toward the door.

What the fuck?

"Henry!" she cried softly... in her Before voice.

Henry stopped as soon as he heard it, his whole body stiffening in recognition, and for a moment time seemed to stop.

(Tick—)

Finally, he spoke. "You know, I thought..." His voice emerged from deep in his throat, strangled with grief and despair. "I thought we were..."

"What?" Evelyn said. "What?"

JUST SAY IT!

Henry's jaw clenched tightly, and his lips drew back in a pained smile. "Fuck you, Evelyn," he said and went out.

(Tock)

Evelyn's mouth fell open in a stifled cry of disbelief. Hope left her eyes as defeat washed over her. Her legs went weak, gave out, and she collapsed back into her chair, numb, speechless. Above her, the clock watched with cold indifference. Its hands crawled forward... forward... forward.

(Tick)

(Tock)

(Tick)

(Tock)

Sometime later, while Evelyn was lackadaisically doodling on a student's quiz, she heard the slow, dragging thumps of Mrs. Lafferty's feet coming down the hallway.

"I've already finished the first two stacks," Evelyn reported half-heartedly, "and I'm halfway through the third."

She moved the quiz to the completed pile, turned around, and froze.

Martin Davers was leaning beside the door with his arms folded over his chest.

"That's a really nice dress," he said.

Evelyn rose from her chair slowly, her heart pumping loudly in her chest. "What do you want, Martin?"

"Nothing," he answered, his eyes calm and attentive. "I guess I just wanted to know why you're trying so hard to dress sexy all of a sudden." Martin seemed to ponder this soberly for a moment, his brow furrowed in mock perplexity. "'Cause from where I'm standing, it kinda looks like you're trying to advertise something. Is that right, Tozier? Are you open for business now?"

"Open for business?" Evelyn repeated. The phrase stunned her so completely that she almost laughed. "It's spirit week, Martin. I have to dress up."

"Oh, I see," Martin said, fascinated. "You had to dress in a skimpy skirt today. That was today's theme."

Evelyn's mouth opened and closed wordlessly.

"Wait, that wasn't today's theme?" Martin cocked his head to the side and frowned. "Well, then why are you wearing that dress, Evelyn?"

She stared at him, unable to speak. Why had she chosen this dress? Why this dress over all the others? Mrs. Criss had dozens of modest dresses that would have satisfied today's theme just as well. She had boxes and boxes of them. Evelyn tried them on. They had fit her perfectly, way better than this dress did. Why had she cast them aside?

"I was just following the theme," she said, her eyes vacant, glassy.

"You were just following the theme." He nodded. "Okay, Evelyn, answer me this: what was today's theme?"

Her stomach twisted. "Huh?"

"Go on, tell me. What was today's theme?"

His voice was shrill and full of scorn. Evelyn shut her mouth tightly, her bottom lip quivering, and shook her head as tears flooded her eyes.

"Please stop," she whispered.

"Well?"

"Stop."

"Tell me."

She swallowed hard and answered: "It was Groovy Monday."

"Right," he said, "it was Groovy Monday, not Skimpy Monday, not Slutty Monday. It was Groovy Monday. Thank you for clearing that up for me, Evelyn, because I was so confused for a second." He smiled at her, grateful. "Now, let's go back to my initial question: why are you trying so hard to dress sexy? Because that's an awfully short dress, Evelyn."

"It follows the dress code," she said, but then from the dark, shadowy part of her mind, she heard

(barely)

another voice that made her eyes widen with a horrific realization. This really was a terribly short dress. Yes. Yes, she saw that now. Not short enough to make her parents worry. Not short enough to violate the school's dress code.

(No more than four inches above the knee... Did you measure it, Evelyn?)

But just short enough to—

Martin wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Are you trying to get someone's attention, Evelyn? Show him what he's missing?"

"No," she answered in a shaky voice, but the other, faraway voice spoke the truth.

(Yes)

She had wanted to get someone's attention today, and she got it, oh yes, she got it. When Henry Bowers stormed up to her that morning, when he grabbed her arm and pulled her hard against him, when he glared down at her, stared at her lips with that feral, ferocious hunger, Evelyn felt her heart flutter with such excitement. For a minute, she thought he was actually going to kiss her. She wanted him to.

(If I had been wearing this dress that day, then maybe...)

Evelyn slapped her hand over her mouth, but still the voice persisted:

(Yes)

(Yes)

(Yes)

(and you got what you wanted, didn't you?)

(Yes)

(Yes)

(Yes)

Guilt crept into her heart and devoured her slowly, leaving her hollow and cold. "Look," she said huskily, blinking the wetness from her eyes, "Mrs. Lafferty's gonna be coming back in a minute, so..."

Martin clucked his tongue in dissent. "I think it might take her a little longer than that."

For a moment, Evelyn's gaze was blurry with tears. Then it cleared as strange, dizzying terror stole through her. It was almost like a bad dream. In a slow daze, she saw Martin walking toward the door. Saw him tuck his boot underneath the doorstop and kick it up with one flick of his ankle. The door moaned and swung slowly, so slowly, and closed with a whisper of a click. Evelyn's breath stopped. Her body froze with fear.

"What are you doing?" she asked in a small, trembling voice.

Martin answered her question with one of his own: "What were you doing in the senior locker area, Evelyn?"

"What?" The word came out dry and brittle, and it crumbled as it left her lips. "Nothing, I was just..."

Martin stepped toward her, his blue eyes glinting ominously in the light.

"You were just...?"

Adrenaline shot through her, sending Evelyn's heart into a mad gallop. She glanced at the door and made herself move. Martin closed the distance. She side-stepped, tried to duck around him, and he caught her brutally by the wrist. A scream fetched in her throat. Their eyes locked fiercely, and for one frightening moment, Evelyn saw the same savage hunger that had consumed Henry Bowers. Her heart stopped. Her mind exploded and went flying, crashing, tumbling down into deep blackness like a stone down a well, falling down to a cold, dark place, where a voice—that voice—was giggling.

(You got what you wanted, didn't you?)

Now her fear had collapsed into pure panic. She struggled against him, her breath coming in short, sharp gasps, and tried to wrestle her arm free. Martin overpowered her easily, flung her around, and slammed her down hard against the desk. Evelyn's body hit the wood with a dull thud. Her head jerked forward, snapped back, and spun dizzily. Clockwise. Her vision blurred and became ringed with darkness. She was falling, plunging down to that cold, dark, guilty place.

"What's wrong, Tozier?" Martin asked breathlessly. "Isn't this what you wanted?"

"Please stop!" she said, but her voice had slipped away from her and went up, up, up.

"You wanted attention, right? Wanted people to finally see you as a woman?"

"No! No!"

(YES!)

"Well, I see you, Tozier," Martin said. "Yeah, I see you crystal fucking clear."

Evelyn fell deeper and deeper, screaming without a sound, and slammed against something hard and cold. The bottom. She had finally hit the bottom. Her right cheek was pressed against the desk, and Martin's hand was on her head, holding her firmly in place. He didn't have to hold her down, though. Evelyn couldn't have moved even if she wanted to. She was too far gone, trapped in that cold, dark place, and now the guilt was creeping toward her on all fours, its eyes bright and hungry, desperate to feed. Evelyn lay on her stomach, paralyzed, watching it come closer and closer... closer and closer... until—

The knob turned and the door opened.

Henry Bowers stood on the other side, blinking in dazed bewilderment.

Martin threw him a vicious grin. "You want in on this, Bowers?" he asked while he pushed some of Evelyn's hair away from her face. "You can go first if you want."

Evelyn flinched away from Martin's hand and felt Henry's eyes land on her softly, gently, filling her heart with such sweet relief. For a moment, she thought she was weightless, flying, floating far away from that cold, dark guilty place, but then she saw something that turned her heart into stone, and she plummeted right back to the bottom.

Henry's eyes, those bright, beautiful blue eyes, had suddenly darkened into the most terrifying shade of black. Evelyn didn't even recognize them anymore.

Time crawled forward and stopped. The clock on the wall stopped ticking. Its hands screeched to a halt and stood at attention, waiting for their next command.

It came a second later, in a shocking act of betrayal.

"No," Henry said, "she's not worth it."

The door closed and time resumed with a violent lurch, knocking Evelyn backward, backward, backward. The clock on the wall started tocking and ticking, tocking and ticking: backward, backward, backward. Its hands went spinning, whirling, unwinding: backward, backward, backward. Counterclockwise. Taking them back. Taking them all the way back.

And now that voice was speaking to her again, speaking from that cold, dark place.

(You got what you wanted, didn't you?)

Yes, she answered. Yes, I did.

_____________________

PREV // CURRENT // NEXT

taglist: @secrethologramflower @rosepresley

#bowers gang #henry bowers #patrick hockstetter #victor criss #belch huggins #fanfic #fanfiction #henry bowers fanfiction #patrick hockstetter fanfiction #it stephen king #it 2017 #paper men #ambrossart

[fitrahgolden]

Should You Need Me: 12 - Love me, say hell yes

Kate laid on top of Anthony on the couch in his living room. He'd picked her up from school after stopping by hers to get Newton. It was their routine now. They spent every night together, so at some point during the day, they'd decide at whose place they would be that night, and Anthony would pick Kate up from work, with Newton if they were going to his, without Newton if they were going to hers.

This evening, he cooked them dinner after they came inside from their walk with Newton. Anthony cooking was also becoming a regular part of their routine, ever since Kaveri and Mary gave him several informal cooking lessons during Kate's recovery. Sometimes, she'd cook with him. Tonight, she was happy to let Anthony take care of it. Thankfully, he didn't seem to mind.

Dinner was quiet, and Kate could tell Anthony was concerned, but he didn't say anything. She did the washing up while Anthony sketched at his desk in the corner of the living room.

By the time they were relaxing on the couch, Anthony lazily massaging Kate's back while she buried her face in his neck, Anthony's patience had apparently run out.

"Kate?"

"Hmm?"

"Is something wrong?"

Kate sighed and shifted so she could speak more clearly.

"Um… No, not wrong, exactly."

"Then what is it, exactly?"

Kate sat up, so Anthony did the same. She was looking down at her hands until Anthony cupped her cheek and made her look at him. He said nothing. He didn't need to. The expression on his face was enough to urge her to let it out. She knew he wouldn't let it go. He never let anything slide for very long. He turned his hand to rub the back of it against her cheek when Kate started to speak.

"It's getting close to the time when it would have happened."

Anthony slightly squinted his eyes at her before realisation dawned on his face. "The wedding."

"Right."

"Right," Anthony echoed softly, nodding.

"I know I shouldn't, I can't help but think… What if I'd ignored my gut? What if I had gone through with it and… and then I met you in a different way?" Saying it outloud relieved some of the weight that had been on her chest for a few days, but she found herself holding her breath as she studied Anthony's face. He was giving nothing away. 

"Well," he finally said, "I can tell you what I would have done."

Kate raised her eyebrows at him. "What would you have done?"

"Run in the other direction and never look back." His laugh was humourless. Kate furrowed her eyebrows. Anthony sighed and kissed her forehead. 

"I'm not that good of a guy, Kate. If you were married, if I'm being completely honest, it's pretty unlikely that I would have been able to leave you alone. I know I should say I'd respect your marriage, respect Tom. But I probably wouldn't have." Anthony continued while Kate tried to form a response. "It wouldn't have mattered, baby.  You're a better person than me. You wouldn't have allowed it. I wouldn't have gotten anywhere with you." He rubbed her bottom lip. 

Kate didn't know how long she stared at him before she spoke. 

"Why do you do that?"

"Why do I do what, sweetheart?"

"You're always saying you aren't a good guy or that everyone's better than you or something like that. Why?"

Anthony shrugged. "Because it's true," he answered matter-of-factly.

"Bullshit."

"You sound like me," he laughed.

"I suppose that was inevitable, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Anthony muttered weakly as he looked away from Kate, down at the floor. "I'm a bad influence."

"See? You can't help yourself. You do it all the time. Why?"

Anthony ran a hand over his face. "It's easy, I guess. After my dad died, my life sort of fractured in two. On the one hand, I had to take care of two babies, my mum, to whom I think I was just a reminder of what she had lost, and my other siblings, who were grieving and had no interest in their older brother suddenly being in charge of them. It was fucking impossible to navigate. So, I tried my best, which was never enough–"

"Anthony…"

"It wasn't, Kate. There was no way it could have been. Anyway, on the other hand, whenever I had time to myself, once Hy was sleeping through the night and I finally trusted Ben with her and Greg, I spent that time…not being very good to myself. I drank too much. I was always going out, getting no sleep. Going home with any woman who would have me. All the while, during the day, I would be back to taking care of my family, most of whom didn't want me taking care of them. I guess not taking care of myself stopped being a problem when I decided I wasn't worth being taken care of. It made everything easier."

Kate took both Anthony's hands in hers.

"Things got better, obviously. Mum came back to us, the older kids didn't need me anymore. I had somehow managed everything dad left us well enough that Mum could easily take over. And I found a career that had nothing to do with my father's legacy, which felt really good. But I suppose I never got around to reevaluating my self image. I haven't thought about it. Until just now."

Kate leaned forward and kissed Anthony sweetly, taking his face in her hands. She pulled back, but kept their faces close. "Well… It's time you reevaluated. Because, frankly, I hate the way you talk about yourself. You've got it all wrong."

"Is that so?" Anthony's eyes were glassy. 

"It is. You're a good person, Anthony Bridgerton."

He said nothing, just cleared his throat.

"Do you believe me?" Kate implored.

"I want to."

Kate kissed him again, harder, with more meaning behind it. "Don't I take care of you?" she whispered.

"Yeah." His voice was rough. "You take really good care of me, Kate." A tear rolled down his face. Kate kissed it away.

"Do you think I would do that if you weren't worth it?"

When Anthony didn't answer, she put their foreheads together. "Do you?"

He shook his head.

"So, you need to take care of yourself, too. So you can see yourself the way I see you. The way you really are. OK?"

"OK."

"Good. I love you, Anthony."

"Fuck, I love you, too. So much it hurts sometimes."

Kate kissed Anthony a fourth time. This time, Anthony took over, seemingly pouring all the feelings she'd brought to the surface back into her. He leaned forward and pressed her into the couch cushions. When they broke apart to breathe, Anthony nuzzled her nose. 

"I don't deserve you."

Kate playfully smacked his back. "That's the kind of shit that needs to stop," she giggled.

"Got it. I have something I’ve been wanting to say, too."

“Oh?”

“This going back and forth between yours and mine every night is exhausting, isn’t it? Move in with me already.”

“...Yeah, OK.”

#bridgerton #anthony x kate #kanthony #kate and anthony #kate x anthony #kate bridgerton #kate sharma #kate sheffield #anthony and kate #anthony bridgerton #kanthony fanfic #kanthony fanfiction #kathony fanfic #kathony fic #kathony #kathani bridgerton #kathani sharma #lord bridgerton #lady bridgerton #viscount bridgerton #viscountess bridgerton #the viscount who loved me #bridgerton fic #bridgerton fanfiction #should you need me au #should you need me

[violetstarcatcher]

Invisible String - Jake Kiszka P5

Chapter Five - If I Can Learn To Do It

WC: 3,018k

Warnings: Bullying, harassment, slight depression. 18+ MINORS STAY OUT

Enjoy!

~~~~

(Gigi's Pov)

"I can't believe this." I slammed my locker a little too hard, earning a few turned heads and weird looks. Ronnie looked at me with sympathy.

"Don't look at me like that." I told her as I leaned up against the wall and crossed my arms. She threw her hands up and laughed. "Well, how do you want me to look at you?" 

I groaned and put my face in my hands, too frustrated to think straight. "I don't know..." I mumbled through my hands. "I'm just pissed off. I mean, what the hell are we going to do?"

I put my hands in the front pockets of my black jeans. "It's not like he had an understudy! There's not enough fucking people for that." 

"I'm sure Ms. Mintz will think of something, Gigi. Stop stressing about it." She tried to console me, but inside I was all panic. This was the best role I've ever had, and now there's a pretty good shot the whole show is all jacked up.

"You're probably right..." I lied. I didn't think she was right. Mintz was probably freaking out just as much as I am. I just didn't want to hear Ronnie tell me I was being dramatic again.

Ms. Mintz was the drama teacher, and she was always in charge of the spring theater productions. She was the one that cast Josh and I together, in elementary and middle school. I loved her very dearly, as she always encouraged us in our musical and acting endeavors. She was much like my mother, and I'd always been drawn to her for that reason. 

At the beginning of the school year she had sat me down and told me when Josh and I had reached third and fourth grade, she'd began selecting plays with roles that would suit us well. 

She knew how upset I'd been over our separation, as she'd watched us bawl our eyes out on the stairs after the last show the year before. Apparently she felt so bad, she chose a musical just for me. Hence why I was now playing Anastasia; a role I'd talked about for years.

The bell rang in the hallways and kids began scurrying into varied classrooms. Ronnie leaned forward and pulled me into a hug. "Don't freak." She said over my shoulder before pulling away and holding me by my arms. "She'll figure something out." I nodded.

"I'll see you tonight, okay?" She walked backwards down the hallway. "You should just stay the night." 

"I probably will since Josh is taking me home."

"Okay, I'll wait up for you guys then."

"Sounds good. See ya!" I waved and walked into the classroom nearly across from my locker. 

I looked down at my shoes as I walked down the isle between the tables. My seat was on the isle third table from the back, and I sat with the other three in my group. 

Biology used to be my favorite class because it was the only one Josh and I had together. The teachers used to separate us, thinking it would be more peaceful, only to discover it was the complete opposite when we would yell at each other from across the room.

But now I was stuck with a prissy mean blonde girl, a random kid who was hopelessly in love with her, and my friend James. I used to hate him, mostly because he wasn't Josh, but after I gave him a chance I found he was actually really fun to be around. 

We never talked much outside of biology, but we had hung out at my house a few times for homework which always turned into snacks and a movie. 

He had short brown hair and dark eyes and was quite tall. He was built like an athlete, and was on the soccer team. He'd played with Jake for a few years but I don't think they were ever friends. He wasn't cute at first glance, but he wasn't ugly either. The longer I looked at him the more he grew on me, to the point where I had a teeny tiny crush on him. 

Not so much that I would be completely heartbroken if he got a girlfriend, but I would be rather disappointed.

I wrapped my backpack straps on my chair, and James smiled at me as I sat down. "Hi." I whispered as the teacher began talking to the class. 

He leaned over to my ear. "Hey." He whispered back, his breath tickling my neck. 

"Annie!" The teacher started taking attendance. "Do you have a pencil?" James whispered still looking forward. "You forgot one again?" 

"James!" We heard from the front. "Here!" He shouted back then leaned over to my ear again. "No, I just like asking you for pencils every day." I could hear the smirk in his voice. 

I rolled my eyes and turned around to unzip my bag. After digging around for a few seconds I finally found one. Granted it was pretty dull, but that's what he gets for not bringing his own. 

"Here." I handed him the pencil. "Thanks." He nodded. We both watched the teacher walk back and forth with his clipboard, calling out name after name, either marking them present or absent. 

"I have a question for you, Gigi." He spoke softly. I turned to look at him and was taken aback by his flushed appearance. He twirled the pencil nervously in his fingers, not bothering to look me in the eye. 

"Yeah..?" I asked in return, unsure of why he hadn't asked yet if he actually had a question. 

"You know how the spring formal is coming up soon?" He swallowed harshly, fiddling with the pencil between his fingers.

I only nodded, partially dreading the question that was inevitably going to follow. "Would it be weird if we, ya know, went... together?" He asked softly, meeting my eyes. 

I shouldn't have been surprised at his asking, but I was nonetheless. I had my suspicions about his feelings towards me, but pushed them out of my mind as I didn't want it to get to my head. 

I wasn't keen on the giggly, feet-kicking, face blushing feeling. It made me feel weird and I found it all embarrassing. I've been there before, only to be left nauseated after the feeling left, mortified I'd ever let myself feel that way. 

"Go together as... dates?" I asked slowly. 

"I mean..." He laughed and scratched the back of his head. "We can go as just friends if you'd like that better. But... yeah. As dates."

I looked away from him and sat forward with my hands on the desk, fingers weaved together. James's eyes burned into the side of my face as I made a decision. There were a lot of pros and cons in going with him.

I already knew I wasn't going to enjoy it as much as al the other formals I'd been to because I'd only ever gone with Josh. Mostly because he was too scared to ask the girl he's had a crush on since 6th grade.

I'd never been on a real date before either. Which was fine with me, I wasn't too concerned about it. But I'd be going with James. As his date. And him as mine. We were friends, so it's not like it would be awkward. Right? And worse case it is awkward and he just decides to ditch me, and I can just go hang out with Ronnie and Alyssa. 

"Greta, if you don't say 'here' I will mark you as absent!" I zoned back in, not realizing I had zoned out in the first place, to see my teacher standing over me with his clip board, glaring downward. 

"W- what?" I stuttered. "I called your name four times. I know you heard me." 

"I'm sorry, Mr. Davis." I looked down at my hands nervously. "So what do you say then, Ms. Van Fleet?" 

"Here." I muttered, not bothering to look up at him. I heard him mark next to my name and the rest of the class snicker. "Good." He started to walk towards the from once again. "Just because you're sad your boyfriend isn't in this class with you anymore, doesn't give you an excuse to have an attitude in my class." He remarked causing the whole room to erupt in stifled giggles.

The heat rose to my face and I felt my eyes well with tears. I blinked rapidly to make them go back into my face, refusing to let them fall. Mr. Davis always hated Josh and I for no reason, and it was his personal conviction to remind me on the daily that Josh wasn't with me anymore.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and looked over at James. He studied my eyes knowingly. Breathing in deep, I nodded my head. "I'll go." 

His face lit up. "You'll go with me?" He asked hopefully. "Yeah, I'll go with you." I smiled softly. 

"As friends or..." His tone laced in anticipation. "No." I simply said and he only blinked at me in return. I giggled at his confusion. "Not as friends, James."

"So..." he drew out. "As dates?" 

"Yes, James. As dates." 

He beamed at me and a blush shamelessly rose to his face. "Well, if we're going as dates... maybe I should take you on a date before the dance." 

I nodded and grinned at him. "I'd like that actually." 

"How about tomorrow then?" He said and turned his body to face me more. I could tell he was excited and I thought it was adorable. "Yeah, tomorrow would work just fine." 

"Where do you wanna go?" His smile never once dropping.

"We could get lunch at Martha's?" I asked knowing it was within bearable walking distance from my house. 

"Perfect!" He laughed quietly. "I'm excited..." He confessed. "Me too." I whispered back, smiling widely. I realized I was giving into the 'giddy lovey' crush feeling and bit my lip to suppress it from showing. 

"Alex!" Mr. Davis called. "Alex!" He looked around at the students, who looked around at each other.

"Alex is still in the hospital, Mr. Davis." One of the students spoke up. "He broke both his legs." A collective whisper made it's way around the room. "Oh, what a shame." Mr. Davis muttered. If we're being honest, Mr. Davis hates everyone. He probably hates life, and if he doesn't, he sure acts like it. 

"Wasn't he a lead in the musical too?" He asked looking up from his clipboard. "Yeah, he was the male lead." Another student commented. "But I heard he can't do it anymore, and they might even have to cancel the whole play." 

Mr. David nodded his head and looked in my direction. "My my, Gigi, it must be nice having life going exactly the way you want it to, huh?" His voice oozing sarcasm, and my mouth opened slightly. "First your boyfriend, now this? That's quite the bummer."

All at once, rage filled my body. I stood up, knocking my chair backwards. After I yanked my backpack from underneath it, I threw it over my shoulder. Making a b-line for the door, Mr. Davis yelled at me. "You aren't allowed to leave without permission, Greta!"

"My name is Gigi!" I shouted over my shoulder, to see him running towards me. Throwing open the door, I sprinted as fast as I could down the hallway, leaving a frustrated Mr. Davis looking after me. 

I glanced at the clock on the wall as I ran around the corner. 2:48. There was only 45 minutes of school left, which wasn't too long to sit in the bathroom for. 

I reached the door and yanked it open, then pulled it closed quietly to make sure no one in the other rooms heard me. 

~

I glanced down at the little watch on my wrist. 8:24. Josh still wasn't here yet. I bounced my leg as I sat criss cross in the red velvet auditorium seat. Ms. Mintz was up on the stage with 15 or so other kids, running through a dance number. 

I knew I was zoned out staring the the big curtain that hung off to the side of the stage. I might have even been a little cross eyed, who knows? I began to run through the boys who could replace Alex, naming them one by one. But every time I thought about them playing Dimitri, I dismissed them in my mind. 

A hand on my shoulder knocked me out of zoned-out state. "Hey." Josh whispered as he sat in the chair next to me. "Hi." I whispered back, and leaned my head on his shoulder. "Did you get out of dinner okay?"

"Kinda." He said softly. "Mom gave me a hard time but Dad said it was fine." I nodded and closed my eyes but opened them as I heard Ms. Mintz dismiss all of the non-lead students.

"Okayyy!" She yelled from the stage into the auditorium as the extras cleared out. "I need my Anya and Vlad up here!" 

I stood up and Josh gently held onto my wrist. I turned to look at him, and he merely winked at me and let me go. Giggling to myself, I made my way up the stairs on the side of the stage to meet Ms. Mintz and Jackson, the kid who played Vlad. It was his first year doing theatre and he actually wasn't half bad. 

Ms. Mintz took a deep breath and placed both her hands on her hips while looking between us both. "Here's the deal guys." She began. My mouth went dry and my hands clammed up. She hadn't said anything to the other students about Alex or the fate of the play that day. "I- am not sure how all of this is going to pan out."

"Nobody knows Alex's part and the musical is set two weeks from tomorrow. If we haven't found a good replacement in the next five days... the shows over."

I let out a big breath that came out as half a sob and placed my face in my hands. I felt an arm wrap around my shoulder, one that I knew had to be Ms. Mintz. "But we still have five days Gigi. It's not over until it's over." Dropping my hands I looked up at her. She used her other hand to wipe the two stray tears that I hadn't realized had fallen.

"That being said, we're still going to act as though the show will go on. You both are going to run through 'If I Can Learn To Do It' without Alex until you have it perfect. It seems to be the only one you're having trouble with Gigi, so we'll run through it until you have it down, sound good?" She smiled sympathetically down at me. 

I nodded as she released her grip on my shoulders. "Good." She whispered to me. I could feel Josh's eyes on my face from the seats. I wouldn't dare look up at him as I knew I could break down at any moment. There was just a lot bouncing around in my head and pent up frustration bound to come out at some point.

Watching my feet carry me to stage left I heard Ms. Mintz count us in. "1, 2, 3..." The music began to play and I did my absolute best to go through the motions. Over and over again. For an hour. 

I had to dance with the air instead of a partner and count numbers in my head to keep timing right instead of hearing Alex sing his lines. I was bad enough at dancing already and somehow I still managed to trip and stumble on nothing. No one would say anything to me, I knew that. They all felt like they were walking on eggshells. Even Ms. Mintz was cautious in her correction of my performance.

Halfway through what felt like the 700th run of the same song, I felt something in me snap. Whatever it was made me stop dancing and singing and crouch to the ground. Deep breaths felt like a vain effort to keep my composure. It was late, I was sleepy, I was angry, I was... every negative thing you could conjure up all at once. 

The music stopped and I looked up at the people in the room with me. None of them wanted to look at me in the awkwardness of the moment. As if they knew if they looked at me the wrong way it would cause an eruption. 

I stood and squinted down at Ms. Mintz through the stage lights, tears pricking the edges of my eyes. "I can't do-" I paused to take a deep breathe. "I can't do this without someone, Ms. Mintz. I can't. This is horrible."

She looked at me for a moment before slowly nodding her head. "Perhaps we've done enough for today." I barely heard her. I met Josh's eyes, filled with sympathy and sadness. 

Suddenly he stood from his seat and walked over to Ms. Mintz. He grabbed her arm gently and began speaking at a rapid pace waving his arms from himself to the stage and to me, all in a hushed voice. Ms. Mintz shook her head and gave Josh a concerned look. She ran her hands through her hair and looked back at me over Josh's head. She put her hand on his shoulder which prompted him to stop talking. She let out a sigh and nodded. Josh spun around, his face beaming, before he ran around to the stairs and onto the stage.

I squinted my eyebrows at him in confusion. His eyes danced over my face while he breathed deeply. "What?" He laughed out at me, as if my confusion was irrational. "What do you mean 'what'?" I asked un-entertained. "I'm gonna help out and play Dimitri until you find someone else." He told me, acting as though I should obviously know that. He didn't say anything else, he only held my arms and looked at me.

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