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outofmydepthatapublicbeach · 2 months

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to fall in deeper - Julien Baker x lacy!reader

jj chats: this has been one of the longest things ive written on this account and i am very proud of it!!! i hope this lives up to any expectations!!! also i recommend reading the first part before reading this it is linked here!

word count: almost 2000!!!

warnings: RPF, use of y/n, reader is a musician/famous, julien is kinda mean, someone passes out (not the reader, the boys or muna), reader calls julien 'jay'.

inspired by the request: i lovvved your love Julien fic based on lacy SO much!!! you’re crazy talented <3 would you consider writing more parts of it? 🎀🩷 like maybe how julien falls more and more in love and maybe an eventual angry love confession from julien, and their first date/kiss?

feedback is encouraged and i'd love to get some just please be kind!!!

When MUNA went on tour, they asked their dear friends to perform as openers. It was on billboards and spread across social media: “Boygenius and (Y/N): openers for The Greatest Band in the World”. All parties were ebullient, another few months of music, laughter, and fun. Everyone except Julien Baker, Julien wasn’t pleased when she found out you were the other opener. She despised the feeling she got in her gut when your name was mentioned, she couldn’t decide what it meant. She was torn between it being contempt or admiration. She didn’t like not knowing, she didn’t like the fact she couldn’t figure you out, let alone figure out her own feelings for you.

So far the tour had been faring well. There were huge crowds showing up every night, all screaming out the lyrics to their favorite MUNA hits. Everything was going well, until August 6th, a Friday night. It was exceptionally hot and it was starting to take a toll on the musicians. However they were all pushing through, they had loud fans backstage that gave them some relief from the heat and could basically get away with no shirt on stage. So far, the night was going well, besides the heat. Lucy and Julien sat in front of a large fan, while Phoebe and you stood in front of another one. MUNA was performing on stage, while you all waited until the last song, “Silk Chiffon” . It was always a nice surprise to the fans when you four came bobbing up on stage singing along, dancing with one another.

Phoebe sighed, turning towards you “Want to go back with me to get some water?”

Your eyes darted to the right, where your water bottle stood proud and tall, still about half full. “No Pheobs I’m okay! I’ll walk with you though!”

“Oh no dude you’re good,” The platinum blond turned to Lucy and proposed the same question.

“Yeah my water ran out like 5 minutes ago,” Lucy hopped up from her seat, moving towards an already upright Phoebe who was wiping her forehead with the back of her hand, sweat droplets rolling off. “Be right back guys!”

Before they turned the corner you checked the time and yelled to the singers “I think there's only two more songs till Silk Chiffon so hurry!” Lucy and Phoebe nodded to you and continued their walk to wherever they were storing the water bottles. Out of the corner of your eye you spotted Julien rolling her eyes.

You turned your body to hers, you ignored her obvious irritation towards you and smiling you asked, “You good Julien? I got some water if you need it!”

“Yeah I’m fine. Thanks.” The tattooed woman replied, curtly.

“Ohhhkay,” you said, confused by her tone. You thought for a minute going back over the day to see if you did anything that would warrant that reaction. You couldn’t find anything, but you did remember how Julien really hadn’t ever been that cordial to you, not since that night outside the restaurant where she found you crying. In a moment of panic you asked the woman sitting 5 feet from you, “Did I do something?”

Julien turned towards you, obviously dumbstruck by your question. She hesitated before responding, you could practically see the wheels turning behind her eyes, “No, you didn’t do anything.”

Quickly you replied, desperate to figure out where you went wrong. “You act weird around me.”

You could see a flash of panic move over Julien;s face before it was replaced with a look of annoyance. “How do I act weird around you?” Julien asked as if it was the most absurd sentence you could have chosen to have said.

“You don’t talk to me ever, you avoid me, you don’t reply to my texts in the groupchat. Yesterday on stage you avoided me every chance you got. I get that we aren’t really close but do you have to pretend like I’m not even there? Like I don’t even matter?” Your voice started to strain towards the end of your dialogue, you could feel your eyes start to water.

“I-I don’t-”

Julien was cut off by a very energetic Phoebe who came skipping backstage. “We’re on stage in like a minute guys! Grab your mics!”

You quickly got up, blinking back your tears as you approached a table, grabbing a mic. You settled your breathing as Lucy came up to you. “You okay?” She asked, voice laced with worry.

“Mhm! I’m fine! I think the heat is just getting to me!” You replied, your voice steady. You’re honestly surprised at how fast you pulled yourself together.

MUNA was on stage finishing up their second to last song for the night when Katie yelled into her microphone, “Thank you all for such a gorgeous night! We have one last song! Can you all welcome our guests to the stage please?” The crowd begins to go crazy.

One by one the 4 of you run out on stage as the band starts playing “Silk Chiffon”. Your eyes scan over the crowd, everyone is having an amazing time, they all look tired, but in a euphoric concert driven tiredness. Until you spot one girl near the front of the barricade. She looks as if she's about to pass out, and the people around her don’t seem to notice. You brush it off, but decide to keep an eye on her just in case something happens.

As the band starts to play the music fills your body, heating your veins with electricity. You move the mic to your mouth as you sing background for Katie. This was always one of your favorite parts of the show, the harmony between all of your voices, the feeling of being alive and showing it through music. Phoebe rushes up to you and grabs your wrist, twirling you around and smiling wide at you. She leans in and gives you a kiss on your cheek before your bodies find natural sync, dancing together. Everything always gets too chaotic when the 7 of you are all on stage. AS your eyes move from Phoebes to the rest of the talent on stage you spot Julien glaring at you, your cheeks redden and you can’t distinguish whether it's from the heat or the shorter woman's dangerous stare.

Suddenly you remember that girl in the audience and when you look back to her place, you see her almost going limp, merely held up by the sweating bodies around her. Immediately your mind moves fast, remembering your highschool first aid lessons on heat stroke. Your brain quickly runs down her obvious symptoms and realizes it could be severe dehydration or worse, heat stroke. You quickly let go of Phoebe's arm and run backstage to grab a water bottle and someone to help you.

Phoebe is confused, her eyes follow you backstage until she sees you grab a bottle of water. Too caught up in the moment she thinks you need a drink. She assumes nothing is wrong and then goes over to Jo to dance with her. The others don't realize your absence, too caught up in the song. Except Julien.

Julien was keeping a close eye on you when you were on stage, she saw every time you glanced at that specific spot in the barricade. Though she didn’t follow you, not until you suddenly appeared on the lawn in front of the stage with a medical professional and a security guard.

You run to the dehydrated woman and then help her get to a cooler spot, and give her small sips of water to hydrate her. You couldn’t care less about the concert at that point, too concentrated on making sure this person was alright.

Julien’s stomach started to churn, once again you were proving to her that you were perfect. There wasn’t anything Julien could flaw you on at this point. You stopped singing in the middle of a concert to go and take care of someone in need. How could she avoid her true feelings now?

The song came to a close, and the bands lined up, wrapping their arms around each other's waists and bowing. Naomi, Jo and Katie blew kisses to the crowd and then they all walked offstage, a concert well performed.

As Phoebe looked backstage she didn’t see you. She turned to the group and asked, “Did anyone see where (Y/N) went?”

It came as a surprise to everyone when Julien answered, “They went to help someone in the audience, I saw them with medical.”

Everyone nodded, Jo hoped the person was okay. Katie and Naomi went to ask someone about what had happened. It wasn’t soon after that you showed up.

Walking back to where you had just appeared from, Naomi and Katie both asked you “What happened?”

You told them that “Some girl in the barricade got really dehydrated and passed out, but she’s alright now!”

A sigh of relief was heard from all 6 people, relieved that everyone was okay. Small chit chat was made until Jo spoke up “Okay I don’t know about you guys but it is hot as hell out here and I am going somewhere with air conditioning!”

“Finally someone said it!”

“Thank god I was starting to think I’d melt,”

Naomi, Katie, Lucy, and Phoebe dispersed after Jo, all talking about some record they’d listened to recently or where to get takeout from.

Julien stayed behind, and just as you were about to follow after the others she caught your arm. You turned towards her, “What’s up Jay?” The nickname leaves your lips in a second before you could think to not say it.

Julien looked at you strangely and let go of your arm, not really realizing she had grabbed it in the first place. Another round of butterflies flew through her body as you looked at her questioningly.. “That was super cool what you did for that girl. Leaving mid song I mean.”

You sighed, you were starting to get frustrated with her antics. Did she loathe you? Were you two friends? It seemed every other minute her feelings towards you changed. It was confusing the hell out of you. “Thanks.” You clipped, starting to walk away.

“That’s it?” Julien asked from behind you.

As you turned back around you noticed she stood as if trying to make her 5 foot frame seem taller, not that it was working. “What?”

“‘Thanks.’ That’s all you're gonna say? Normally you're much more chatty,” Julien laughed.

“I don’t know what you want from me Julien.”

Julien pauses, looking at you with questions written all over her face.

“When I talk to you, you get snippy and you’re mean. When I don’t talk to you, you want me to talk more. I don’t get what your deal is with me?” You whisper-yelled, afraid someone from the crew would see your argument.

“I-” Julien stuttered, not being able to come up with anything to say.

Finally done with the back and forth banter that has been hurting your feelings ever since you met Julien you declared, “If you don’t want to be my friend just say it.”

Julien looked at you, eyes wide. You watched her as the gears turned in her head, trying to come up with what to say. You gave her a chance to explain herself, you set a mental timer of 30 seconds, if she didn’t say anything then you would go away.

Those 30 seconds flew by without a peep from Julien, your eyes teared up as you spoke, “Fine, I’ll see you later I guess.” Turning around you went to your tour bus, wondering what you did to get Julien to dislike you so.

The only thing going through Julien’s mind was how she screwed up, bad.

#julien baker x reader #boygenius x reader #julien baker fanfic #julien baker fluff #jj writes #julien baker one shot #julien baker au #julien baker x singer!reader #julien baker x lacy!reader #muna x reader #julien baker angst

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avocifera · 2 months

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these pics are so camp counselor! julien coded i might just go crazy because!! look!! at!! her!! she’s like my favorite human ever and i love nature and forests and just ugh perfect combo

#nia talk show #julien baker headcanons #julien baker one shot #julien baker fanfiction #julien baker fluff #julien baker au #julien baker fanfic #julien baker x reader #boygenius fanfiction #boygenius au

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jakeysbuttsheeks · 7 months

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Me: I don't have a type

Also me:

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transcreamo · 1 year

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Lucy Dacus on her Home Video tour (Iowa / LA)

#lucy dacus #boygenius #1/3 of it anyway #photos #was gonna post the new orleans shot too but i could only find a tiny terrible quality image in one article #slayer shirt ilu

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scottstreet1 · 1 year

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youtube

#$20 #“ ”Emily I'm Sorry #“ ”True Blue #“ Bridgers sings ”Emily I'm Sorry“ as monster trucks do jumps in slow motion #while Dacus renews a room with bright blue paint to #The patron saints of the era of being Sad Online have made you a film #and it's everything we wanted #folks.#Boygenius #the super group formed by Phoebe Bridgers #Julien Baker #and Lucy Dacus #has dropped their brand new album today #and with it the Kristen Stewart-directed short film we've been waiting for.#Made to accompany The Record #The Film is a 14-minute triptych #a dream run through tracks which focus on one band member per song. It's a subtle #marvellous tribute to the trio's deep connection #filmed as a mix of home video-style clips and intimate cinematography.#Anchored by shots of the three making music and sleeping during a rainy night #The Film is basically three connected music videos. Baker tinkers on an old car to True Blue #" joined by her band members.#It's a masterful piece of work by Stewart that honours the tracks and band members individually #but connects them. It's not the first time Stewart has directed music videos #having helmed one for Chvrches in 2017(Opens in a new tab) and Sage + The Saints in 2014(Opens in a new tab). She's also set to adapt Lidia #Youtube

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kamaluhkhan · 4 months

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anti-curse

pairing: percy jackson x daughter of apollo!reader

summary: whether he knew it or not, percy jackson made the world a better, brighter place — and you intend to protect him, no matter what path the fates leads you down. fuck prophetic dreams. the future wasn't written in stone.

warnings/disclaimers: mentions of typical demigod things (battles, weapons, etc.); this is set during the heroes of olympus series so roughly follows that plot + features the seven demigods; mainly inspired by book!percy (dark hair, sea green eyes) bc that's the one i fell in love w growing up; characters are aged up from the book (reader + percy are meant to be 21-22 y/o) bc i imagine there was more time between prophecies/series....anyways, please enjoy <3

when you first met percy jackson, he almost shot you through the chest with an arrow.

given that apollo is your godly parent, you often found yourself at the archery field, which happened to be one of the first stops on percy’s tour of camp half-blood. after that first mishap, your other half-siblings were, understandably, too scared to let percy try again — frankly chiron seemed a bit hesitant as well — and you could sense that percy felt disheartened. so, you flashed the boy a reassuring smile before giving him a few pointers and a second chance. when he smiled back at you, you felt a fluttering in your stomach that told you percy jackson would be more than a little important in your life.

archery still wasn't percy's strong suit, but your gut feeling turned out to be true. you and percy had dealt with a lot since then — a handful of quests, several prophecies, more than a few near-death experiences, a titan war, and, maybe worst of all, high school. you couldn't imagine getting through any of it without him by your side, and you knew the feeling was mutual.

so, you were entirely anticipating that percy would be hurt by your announcement during dinner.

“no way that’s happening.” percy laughs, as if he can’t believe you’d suggest something as ridiculous as not having him accompany you on your quest. he remains unfazed, takes a sip of his electric blue coke before gesturing to the empty seat next to him. “come on, sunshine. have something to eat.”

the nickname sends your heart into a frenzy as you sit next to him. you and percy had never been anything other than friends, but sometimes....sometimes you look at his dangerous ocean eyes and wind-swept dark hair and it makes you blush. sometimes you consider the way his laughter fills you with warmth and his smile holds a thousand memories, the way he teases and winks at you and you decide that he makes your world so much brighter. sometimes you remember how sarcastic and thoughtful and loyal and reckless he is, his heart of gold and unpredictability of the sea. and you start to think that maybe possibly you'd fallen in love with your best friend.

that was not the issue at hand, though. you summon your favourite food and drink, but don't particularly feel like having either. percy returns to his conversation with hazel about how the two of you would drive up to montauk after you finally got your license, any time either of you needed to escape your reality, even just for a night. you'd sit on the beach, stargazing and roasting stale marshmallows and wishing to stay there forever. hazel seems to think that sounds like a nice escape, and percy promises that once the eight of you fulfill this prophecy, you'll all go to the beach house together, which makes hazel break out into a grin.

you can't help but smile at percy who loves his friends, who has loved you for so long. that feeling is quickly replaced by a pang in your chest that reminds you what's at stake. from the corner of your eye, you notice annabeth across from you, who looks at you like you’re a puzzle she can’t quite solve. you're trying to hide it, but if anyone can read you better than percy, it's annabeth. she knows something is weighing on your mind. you briefly lock eyes with jason, who you had gone to earlier for help, from the other side of the room, where he sits between piper and frank.

if you weren’t so distracted, you would have been able to enjoy dinner. the eight of you — all demigods of the current great prophecy — hadn’t been all together in a while, and it was nice to share a meal aboard the argo ii despite the reality of why you’d all been traveling together. leo had equipped the ship with magic plates and cups, and with the lively jokes and stories filling the air, you could almost imagine it was an ordinary summer evening at camp. you could almost forget that tomorrow, you had to go on a quest to rescue apollo and artemis from python, a monster so powerful your father barely defeated him thousands of years ago. you could almost ignore the impending war with gaea and the giants, and the doomed fate of the world if you were to fail. the one thing you could no longer ignore, however, is the gut feeling you have about the fate of the boy sitting next to you if your quest is to unfold the way you had first planned it.

you clear your throat, an attempt to interrupt the group's conversations.

“i was serious earlier,” you declare. “you’re not coming with me, percy. jason is.”

the smile percy had on his face fades. his eyes are filled with concern and disbelief, as he glances at you. “i – i don’t understand.”

"percy,” jason jumps in carefully, aware that he’s treading through dangerous waters like you had warned him. “y/n and i were strategizing earlier and it seems to make the most sense, given our powers combined."

percy shakes his head. “but — but you can’t just make last minute changes. we’ve already got everything set. right, valdez?”

leo shrugs, swallowing a mouthful of chicken before responding. “i don’t know, man. i’m no expert in quests, but it seems like i’m not the one who should be deciding this.” leo looks at you, and you nod gratefully.

you've been on edge since last night, and to calm your nerves you fiddle with the gold chain around your neck. it was a gift from your father: a necklace with a music note charm that can transform into an electric guitar or a bow and quiver. thankfully, you hadn't had to need both at the same time.

“it's up to me. and i want leo and jason to come with me.”

“then i’ll come too,” percy's voice remains calm, but insistant.

“isn’t there that thing about quests usually being done in threes?”

“that is true, piper,” percy agrees. he tilts his head towards you, like he's calling on you to remember. "exceptions have been made, though. like that one time with zoe." that had been years ago, when demigods from camp half-blood and hunters of artemis joined forces. five had been sent out on a quest, but only three came back. you shiver at the thought.

"or my quest through the labyrinth," annabeth recalls.

"but won't that also change our other plans, though?" hazel asks.

"not necessarily," you pipe in, your voice more assertive. "if jason and percy just switch. no harm done."

"we're not interchangeable," percy grumbles.

"hera sure seemed to think so!" leo searches the room for positive responses to his joke, but the most he gets is a half-hearted laugh from frank. "too soon?"

you take a deep breath. "it's not a big deal, really."

"it kind of is," percy counters. "you've never gone on a quest without me."

"you've gone on quests without me," you point out.

"that's...that's different."

"why? because i'm so weak that i need the son of the sea god to protect me at all times?"

you're giving percy the coldest stare you ever have. he hesitates to hold your gaze.

"you know that's not what i meant," he sighs.

"then what did you mean?"

percy looks at you, his eyes and tone softer. “look, sunshine, let's just stick with the plan, alright? we can just —”

“gods, you never listen, do you?" you finally snap. "you're not coming! i don’t want you there, percy!”

percy stares at you, stunned. you look around the table, and everyone looks back at you, wide-eyed. they weren’t used to this side of you, your sudden outburst not fitting in with your usually sunny disposition.

“well, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed,” leo jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood, with less than ideal results.

“you saw something in your dreams, didn’t you?” annabeth realizes.

her conclusion makes you freeze.

demigod dreams are always significant, carrying vivid images of monsters, messages from friends or enemies. some children of apollo like you had visions of the future — pseudo prophecies that are supposedly set to unfold given the path you’re on. technically, you weren’t supposed to share your visions, something about messing with fate or destiny, but that didn’t mean you had to accept the way things were.

what you saw in your dreams last night, what might happen to percy, made your blood run cold.

you would defy all the laws of the universe and divine rules if it meant you could protect him. so fuck the path the fates are attempting to lead you down, and fuck prophetic dreams. you refuse to let percy die. no matter how frustrated you’re acting towards him in this moment, you know he would still do the same for you.

you figure that the future isn't written in stone, right?

either way, you're willing to challenge destiny for percy jackson.

without answering annabeth, you get up from the table and take a deep breath, carefully avoiding percy’s gaze.

“i go with leo and jason, or i go alone.” your voice is steady, fighting the heavy beating of your heart and tears caught in your throat. “either way, i leave in the morning.” you exit the mess hall before anyone — before percy — can protest.

#Spotify #when i was younger i didn't think people would want to read all the stories i'd make up in my head about this series #so im glad the percy jackson renaissance is here #there's something so healing about writing + sharing this blurb even if i'm still nervous #might fuck around and write another part because i have so many ideas of where this could go #percy jackson #percy jackson x y/n #percy jackon and the olympians #pjo series #pjo fandom #pjo hoo toa #hoo #heroes of olympus #percy jackson x reader #percy jackson x you #pjo #saf writes #riordanverse

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cheesesoda · 2 months

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calling you out based on your favorite triplet!

it’s ya girl back at it again with the call out posts

cw: mentions of mental health issues, sexual trauma, and EDs

nick: if you’re a nick girl/boy/person, i get the feeling you’re the oldest. you sometimes tend to feel sorry for yourself and then you feel bad about feeling sorry for yourself and it becomes a vicious cycle. you probably have either dealt with body image issues or an eating disorder (idk every nick person i’ve met has dealt with that). you’re probably pretty insecure and you constantly compare yourself to all your friends and it’s tearing you apart. you have a hard time accepting compliments because you simply don’t believe them. i think there’s a lot you don’t talk about but then you blame others for your secrecy and feel bad for yourself, as if they just don’t understand. maybe try letting people in and let them have a shot at trying to understand you. you’re not an enigma.

songs you remind me of:

prom queen by beach bunny

not strong enough by boygenius

idontwannabeyouanymore by billie eilish

sippy cup by melanie martinez

orange juice by melanie martinez

tv by billie eilish

matt: if you’re a matt girl/boy/person, you’re probably the quietest one of the group. you possibly grew up without many friends and you often feel left out or unseen. you were the quiet kid and never really talked. you’re very nurturing and you try to take care of all your friends because you want them to know you see them. you’ve most likely dealt with mental health issues (specifically anxiety and/or depression). you tend to overthink a lot and you probably have a lot more to say than you actually say. you were probably the one who walked on the grass, the one who was the photographer but never in the photo, and the one who sat alone at lunch. as a kid, you went unnoticed but now you’re not. as a result, you end up purposely excluding yourself from your current friend group(s) because it’s what you’re used to and then you end up isolating yourself but you don’t realize that you’re doing it to yourself. i hope you’ll see that people do notice you and they do care about you. you’re not invisible.

songs that remind me of you:

the archer by taylor swift

chosen last by sara keys

letter to my 13 year old self by laufey

nobody by mitski

afraid by the neighbourhood

everything i wanted by billie eilish

chris: if you’re a chris girl/boy/person, i think you grew up too quickly. you probably had to start looking out for yourself at way too young of an age and now you have a hard time accepting nurturing and loving treatment. i get the feeling that you were sexualized from a young age too and you probably have some sexual trauma. as a result, you act hypersexual because it’s what you’ve been made to believe you’re supposed to be. people don’t take you seriously, probably because you are the funny one or the pretty one but you’re actually very observant and analytical. you notice things most people don’t. you’ve often been the butt of the joke in the friend group so now you make fun of everyone else before they can make fun of you. you might come off as mean but i think you’re just scared of being vulnerable. you definitely have commitment issues which probably stems from your childhood trauma (including but not limited to family issues). you end up getting yourself into dangerous or unhealthy or self destructive situations because it’s what you’re used to and you think it’s what people expect from you. you don’t have to follow your self fulfilled prophecy. you don’t have to be what others tell you that you are.

songs that remind me of you:

goddess by laufey

labyrinth by taylor swift

safeword by tv girl

don’t miss me by claire rosinkranz

brand new city by mitski

first love/late spring by mitski

#cheesesodaspeaks #christopher sturniolo #chris sturniolo #chris sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo x reader #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #nick sturniolo x reader #sturniolo triplets

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gracieheartspedro · 9 months

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Cool About It

joel miller x fem! reader

Description: you've only patrolled with him a couple times, which made you kind of hate him. but after a night of subtle flirting at the tipsy bison, tons of alcohol, shooting pool, and making fun of some guy's tattoos, you realize you're really into joel. after you get him, you realize maybe you shouldn't want him.

Part 1/3

PART TWO IS HERE

Word count: 5.3k

Warnings: MINORS DNI! this is 18+, post!outbreak joel, drinking, playing pool(?), possible age gap (not specified really), very smutty, unprotected p in v, fingering, oral (f receiving), overstimulation, dirty talk, multiple orgasms, joel is a menace a bit, ellie is also a little shit haha

hi lovers, how's it going? this is going to be a three-parter, inspired by Boygenius' song "Cool About It". it's gonna be smutty in all three parts so be ready (: please reach out if you have any requests or just wanna talk! I'm friendly I promise lmao

Met you at the dive bar to go shoot some pool

And make fun of the cowboys with the neck tattoos

Ask you easy questions about work and school

I'm trying to be cool about it

Feelin' like an absolute fool about it

Wishin' you were kind enough to be cruel about it

Tellin' myself I can always do without it

Knowin' that it probably isn't true

You keep your head held high while you walk into the Tipsy Bison, the only bar in Jackson. You were not familiar with the walls of the establishment, but the plan was to get out of your comfort zone. You were good at being a social outcast, and Maria, the only friend you had here, told you to try to break out of your shell.

So here you are, at a bar.

Immediately you recognize a couple of familiar faces, including the Millers.

Tommy and Joel were the patrol leaders for Jackson. You always felt comfortable around Tommy. He was more laid back and funny. On the couple of patrols you did with him, he always made sure the time went by quicker. While serious in times that are pressing, he brought light to darker situations. Maria, his wife, was the first person to introduce you to life in Jackson. She got you set up in a house by yourself and had you start patrolling when she realized you were an excellent shot. She was kind, always making sure you were looking out for yourself and invited you to family dinners sometimes.

Joel was different.

Very quiet and deadly serious when he was speaking. He made you feel insecure about your abilities, always double and triple checking things behind you. You couldn’t bring your own horse out of the stable without him checking your pack and ensuring you packed extra bullets.

“You never know what’s out there, girl,” He would tell you.

You find an empty seat at the bar. Only one seat away from Joel.

The bartender approaches you, asking what you’d like. You gesture towards Maria.

“Whatever she’s havin’.”

Maria finally takes notice from beside Tommy and waves at you with a huge smile plastered on her face. It warmed your cold little heart.

“Hey pretty lady,” She hops out of her chair to give you a half hug, “Glad you are doing this.”

Tommy was looking at you from beside Joel, a smirk playing on his face.

Joel stared forward with no emotion, not even daring to glance your direction.

“How’s it goin’?” Tommy asks, scooting his chair back to begin his way over to you, taking a spot next to Maria.

You nod, “It’s going.”

“You were on that patrol with the raiders a couple days ago, right?”

He was referring to two days ago when a couple of shitty raiders took down your partner’s horse and almost shot you through the back. You guys got the upper hand, of course. You never went without packing two guns, so you had quickly slid off your horse to find cover behind a downed tree and used a hunting rifle to take two headshots. Your partner wasn’t so lucky. He was an older man and he fell hard when his horse went down. You had to race back to Jackson getting him into the infirmary as quickly as you could. Turns out he broke his arm and a couple of ribs. He would be off patrols for awhile.

“Sure was,” You reply, “Luckily Eugene got out with just a broken arm. I was happy to be there for him.”

Before Tommy could reply to you, Joel quips up.

“He told me you got both of the guys between the eyes,” He mumbles, “That true?”

You shake my head positively. You didn’t even want to speak to him in fear that you’d say the wrong thing. He would overanalyze you at the drop of a hat.

“That’s impressive,” Tommy remarks, “Glad you got out of it unscathed.”

“My girl here is a badass,” Maria pats your shoulder, “Glad you are doing better. I know you were a rattled a bit.”

You take a sip of my drink, noting the intense burn, “Yeah, me too.”

You guys make more small talk, mainly about some recent patrols and what you found. You try to act interested, but the truth was you wanted to go home and read. Your mind was better occupied with made up stories than the stories that were playing out before you in real life.

“I think we should get home to Ian,” Maria says to Tommy, referring to their newer son. He was about five months now, very cute, and chunky. He resembled your nephew before the world stole him and his mother from you. So you always refused to hold Ian, knowing it would send you into a spiral as soon as his little fingers found yours. Maria understood, telling you she knew exactly how you felt. She’s felt loss like that before, too.

“Ellie probably wants to be relieved of her cousin duties,” Joel grumbles from beside Tommy, “Poor girl doesn’t know what she agreed to.”

“Ian’s sleepin’,” Maria says putting on her coat, “She is probably bored.”

“Tell her to head home when you see her,” Joel comments.

You have met Joel’s girl more than once. She was kind of stand-offish, intially. Now that you’ve met her a couple times, she was more chatty and goofy. She was a spitfire towards Tommy, which always made you laugh.

From what you understood, Joel had a daughter before the outbreak. Tommy and Maria keep her name on a little memorial above their fireplace, with Maria’s son’s name scribbled beside hers. You didn’t know the backstory behind Ellie, but you realized the last time you were around all of them, she doesn’t call him dad. Just Joel or old man. Maybe she adopted?

Maria pulls you out of your thoughts, nudging you a bit.

“Stay awhile, have another drink.”

You nod giving her a gentle smile, “I will. Get home safe.”

“See you around, girl,” Tommy says, giving you a half hug. You turn back to face the bar, noticing Joel’s still sipping on his whiskey.

You two sit in awkward silence when they leave, not saying much to one another. You drink your second round quickly, calling over the bartender for another one. Joel says he wants the same. Once you get your pours, he finally decides to talk again.

“You still with that one guy?”

You look at him curiously, not sure who he’s talking about. You rack your brain trying to figure out who he’s referring to and then it hits you.

“Kendrick? Oh no, he’s not anything,” You respond.

Kendrick was one of your patrol partners. You two hooked up once and realized it was too weird. He was younger than you, which didn’t mean much. But that was a huge factor in his performance. He wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t know what foreplay was, which meant the sex was dry and not pleasurable in the slightest.

“It seemed like something the other day,” Joel notes, “Wouldn’t stop staring at you at the town meeting.”

You could not help but notice the slight venom in his tone.

“Interesting you’re taking notice to other guys who look at me. You jealous, Miller?”

He turns to you finally, his eyes a bit glassy. The whiskey was making him bold, you could tell.

“Just observant,” He remarks, “He doesn’t seem like your type.”

“Oh, now you know my type?”

He shakes his head at your response, “I imagine you like them a bit older than him.”

Maybe you were overanalyzing the situation, but it seemed to you that Joel Miller was flirting with you. You felt like he was suggesting you were into him.

Truth be told, you did like them older. You liked a rugged man who was a bit of a mystery. You also liked assholes. All things Joel Miller was. So maybe you were into him.

You lean in to speak to him quietly, “Are you trying to suggest something?”

“Not at all,” He murmurs, “Just answering your question. Am I wrong?”

You purse your lips, “Not wrong.”

Another awkward silence.

“Wanna play some pool?”

You furrow your eyebrows, not knowing how to respond. You think his goal was to change the subject and avoid more silence. So you just nod, hopping off your barstool. The two of you make your way through some occupied tables to the one empty pool tables. You grab a stick while Joel starts to corral all the balls and set them in place.

You’ve played pool before, but you were never good. Your ex found a pool table once while you two were traveling and he spent hours teaching you how to play. It led to a screaming match. You decided after that, it just wasn’t for you.

Joel was patient, watching you line up the white ball and hit it with hardly any force, not breaking up any of the balls. You just shake your head in disappointment.

“You ever play?”

“Yeah, I just suck.”

“Fair enough,” He replies, taking his shot. You guys go back and forth. You getting no balls in the pockets, him getting all the balls in the pockets.

You ask him about patrols he’s been on recently, trying to make light conversation. You really just wanted to see if your conversation would lead back to where it started.

It didn’t.

Instead you two got more rounds of drinks and played more pool. He became more chatty, standing behind you every time you tried to take a shot, giving you advice here and there. Once you stood straight up after finally getting a ball in a pocket, he leaned in a bit.

“You see that guy over there?”

He gestured towards an older gentleman at one of the far tables. He seemed like the type to have a Confederate flag hanging outside his house. He also seemed like the type to call a woman a slur if they turned down his advances. Maybe you are just a bitch and assuming all of this. Or your assumptions about a man were right, per usual.

You turn to Joel, glancing up at him. He was close, his face centimeters away.

“Mhm?”

“He’s got all those tattoos,” He looks towards the man again, “The one on his neck is a skull with one of those Native headdresses. Looks fuckin’ dumb.”

The way he says it sends you into a fit of giggles. He starts to laugh, too. It was the first time you saw him genuinely smile and damn did it look beautiful on him. His eyes crinkled a bit, his shoulders falling in a very relaxed way.

You finish up your round of pool and decide it’s time for the both of you to retire back to your houses. Conveniently, your house was right off Rancher Street just like his. You grab your coat off the one barstool, watching Joel put on his.

“We are going the same way, do you mind walkin’ with me?”

“No problem.”

You two walked side by side, your steps almost in sync. It was much darker now, the sun set hours ago. You felt like you went through a time jump. You didn’t feel like you spent tons of time at the Tipsy Bison.

Joel’s house is before yours on the street, so when you arrive in front of his steps, he stops completely.

“Here’s me,” Joel mutters, “You comin’ in?”

“Should I?” You question, stupidly.

“Well I invited you, so yeah,” He suggests, “You should.”

He walks in front of you, reaching for his front door. His house was comfy and warm. Looking around, you could tell he kept it well maintained. It was clean, only a couple dust bunnies lined the hallway baseboards. He had pictures on the walls and blankets littering the couch.

“I ain’t done this in awhile,” He says, sliding his boots off at the front door. You follow suit, not really taking in the words he said. He stares at you carefully, waiting for a response.

“I’m sorry, what exactly?”

He approaches you slowly, his demeanor shifting. He looks down at you, his stature a lot bigger than most of the men you’ve been with, you note. He was broad and brilliantly tanned. His dark chocolate hair was speckled with grays. He had some fine lines on his face, especially where he furrowed his eyebrows 24/7.

“Brought a girl home.”

His brown eyes grow ever darker, his arm enveloping you for a moment. You don’t pull away, letting him bring your body closer to his. You feel butterflies in the pit of your stomach, something you’ve not felt with a man in years.

“Feelin’ a bit rusty?” You suggest, your hands resting on his chest.

“Don’t know about that,” He mutters, “Do know I’ve been thinkin’ about this for a while.”

His comment takes you back, completely sobering you up. The warmth from the alcohol subsides and you blink at him for a minute.

“What do you mean, a while?”

His face centimeters away from yours, again. You instinctively wrap your arms around his neck, having to get on your tiptoes to do so.

“Meanin’ every time ’m around you, I think of how amazing your ass looks in those jeans.”

Your heart skips a beat.

“You’re only now telling me this, Joel?” You ask, playing up that you were annoyed. You were kind of, because what the fuck, you could’ve had him sooner?

“Didn’t think a pretty young thing like you would want me,” He says, “Now I know better.”

He leans down, his lips hardly touching yours. You assume he’s waiting for your move, so you give in first, capturing his lips against yours. It was gentle at first, until he takes notice to how you’re pulling him down further.

He deepens the kiss, pressing your back against one of the walls nearby. His lips were soft, his mustache tickling you a bit. He adds tongue seamlessly, feverishly grabbing you everywhere. Your hips, lower back, your butt.

I can’t believe I’m making out with Joel right now.

Your brain stops for a moment when you realize one thing you never thought about before. Where’s Ellie?

It brings you out of the kiss. You pull away slowly, trying not to alarm him too much.

“Is Ellie home?” You mutter, your eyes fluttering open to meet his.

He looks to the side, glancing out the back window.

“Probably, but she stays in the garage out back. She has uhm,” He gestures towards the backyard, “Has a whole set up in there. She never comes in here, don’t worry.”

It reassures you enough to bring him back into the kiss. His hands return to your waist, pulling you closer. You couldn’t help but grip his arms, feeling his muscles through his long sleeve.

“Bring me to bed, Miller,” You moan between kisses, “Need you now.”

He doesn’t say anything before he leans down, hiking your legs up around his waist. He carries you like you’re a light little feather. You use this time to attach your lips to his neck, giving him soft kisses up to his earlobe.

Joel may be a bit older than you, but he carried you up the stairs like no other 50-something-guy could. He didn’t even fumble, his steps heavy and calculated. Once you two get to the landing, he readjusts you, his hands now holding you up by your ass.

“Let’s get you out of these clothes,” He murmurs in your ear, walking you into his bedroom. It smells like fresh air, which throws you off a bit. You notice the one window in the corner is cracked slightly, letting in the springtime air.

He tosses you on his made up bed, making you a bounce a bit. He’s standing over you looking a bit dishelved, his eyes dark with desire.

He unbuttons his shirt, shaking it off his shoulders. You watch the piece of fabric fall away from him. His upper body is toned, some areas of his stomach and shoulders are littered with scars. The moonlight highlights them, but honestly, they made him hotter. He looked more dangerous, more unattainable for a girl like you.

“You just gonna gawk?” He teases, leaning down to let his lips meet yours again. In between kisses, he tugs down your pants, leaving you just in your underwear and top. He throws your pants across the room, his hands trailing up your bare thighs.

“Let me get my top off,” You say pulling away from his eager lips. He sits back on his knees, watching you slowly peel off your top and undershirt. The undershirt has a built in bra that hardly keeps your boobs supported, but it was easier than wearing the uncomfortable bras you usually wore. You throw both shirts across the room before you lean back on your elbows again.

“Jesus fucking Christ,” He says, his hands reaching out to touch you. He finds your collarbones first, before letting one hand trace the swell of your breasts. He was taking his time with you.

“You just gonna gawk?”

He smiles.

“I am gonna ruin you, girl,” He spits. You stare at him with your best doe eyes, trying to see what kind of rise you could get out of him.

He grabs one of your boobs, before pushing you all the way on your back. His lips trace all over your body before ghosting right above where your underwear sit on your lower tummy.

“Joel-” You begin, until he starts tracing your slit with his fingers, right over your panties.

“Hm?” He chuckles, his soft touches making you writhe under him, “What, sweetheart?”

“Need you-” You choke out, “Please.”

He chuckles darkly, “Love to see you beg.”

You knew he was going to be dominant, but you didn’t expect him to be so candid. He seemed so quiet and steadfast in day to day life, so when you see him like this, you knew you were fucked. He was the type to talk you through the whole experience, something you’d never had with another man. Everyone you had slept with was so vanilla. No one was like the guys in the novels you read. Dominant, hungry for more, and vocal.

“Let’s take these off,” He says wrapping his finger around the band of your underwear. You were so giddy now, you lift your ass a bit so he could get them off you. When you do that, your bare pussy gets so close him that you could feel his breath on your mound slightly.

“You ever been eaten out before, girl?”

You shake your head, “Yes, but I didn’t really enjoy it.”

“Just let me know when you’re about to cum, baby,” Baby, “I know you will.”

You loved how cocky he was. It made the anticipation almost too overwhelming.

He leans down, his tongue flattening over your slit. You watch him close his eyes and instantly get into devouring you. He flicks his tongue up and down, eventually pressing his lips around your mound. You lose all ability to speak, so when he pulls away, you groan in displeasure.

He says nothing, just put his middle finger and ring finger into his mouth, covering them in his saliva. He looks up at you, those fingers beginning to trace you up and down.

“You-” Is all you can say before he’s sinking his fingers inside. He reattaches his lips to your clit, sucking as he fucks you with his digits. The wet squelching from the action sends your head into orbit. You cannot believe how good it feels because every other sexual encounter you had the guy would go in dry, maybe giving you kitten licks, and call it eating you out. But not Joel. Joel knew a woman’s anatomy. He knew exactly how to treat it.

You just moan out his name, letting his actions take you to that familiar heat build up in your tummy. Usually you had to get there yourself. You throw your head back into his pillows, your eyes crushing shut as you take in the feeling.

“Hey,” You hear Joel growl, “Eyes on me, or I stop.”

Your eyes fly open, watching him return to sucking your clit. As you stare down, you notice him adding another finger into the mix. The pressure felt so good, your walls feeling everything he was giving you.

“Can I please,” You are about to let go, but you remember you were supposed to tell him, “Cum?”

You can’t even form sentences.

He pulls away.

“Since you asked nicely,” His lips are wet with your slick, “Cum.”

The magic word that sends you into pure bliss. Your body quakes while he still fucks you with his fingers. You can only chant his name, begging him not to stop.

He removes his fingers, smiling at your post orgasm face. You blush, suddenly becoming extremely self aware. You had no reason to be timid or shy now, being splayed out like you are in front of Joel.

He stands tall over you, making you feel so small in his big bed.

“That was so good baby, but I ain’t done with you,” He pulls you by your legs to the edge of the bed, “Need that perfect pussy wrapped around my cock.”

“Jesus fuck,” You moan, still sensitive from what he just did to you.

He groans, “Name is Joel. No Jesus here.”

He just had to give into the dad jokes. You slap your forehead in disappointment, making him grin a bit.

“Got you all nice and stretched, now.”

You realize he hasn’t even taken off his pants in that moment, because he pulls down his tented pants to reveal himself to you. He was bigger than you’ve ever had, which sent you gawking again. He pumps himself, watching your widened eyes.

“You’re too easy to read, girl,” He mutters, “I’ll inch it in, let you get adjusted nicely.”

You lean forward a bit, back onto your elbows, “You’re gonna fucking split me in half.”

He runs his dick between your wet core, which sends shockwaves up your body.

“Like I said,” He licks his lips, “I got you nice and stretched.”

Him repeating it made you smirk devilishly. He continued to run his cock up and down your wetness, getting ready to plunge into you.

When he stops right in front of your hole, he stares into your eyes like he’s trying to read your mind.

“Fuck me, Joel Miller.”

He sinks into you, inch by inch. You groan in pleasure. The stretch is nothing like his fingers, it’s even better.

He’s taking his time, pulling back a bit before pushing back into you. It’s slow, gradual. After three pumps, he leans down to catch your lips. He continues to grind into you, the mixture so intoxicating. You moan into the kiss, your mouth opening up for his tongue to slip in. He tasted like you, which was something you never really tasted before.

“Your pussy was made for me,” He moans, “Fuckin’ hell.”

He sits back, bringing the pace up a bit, his balls slapping into you now. The sounds were borderline pornographic. The panting, the wetness, the slapping.

“You’re takin’ me so well,” He grunts, “I want to hear you.”

You cry out as he speeds up, “Please, d-don’t stop.”

And he doesn’t. He keeps the pace the same as he fondles your boobs. He pinches your perked up nipples, clenching his teeth. You can tell he’s getting close, but instead of chasing that high, he stops.

He manhandles you, pulling you up like he did when he carried you up the stairs. He somehow keeps his dick inside you as he finds a seat on the bed. He’s holding you above him, completely switching positions.

“Want you to ride me,” He says, “Need to see those beautiful tits bouncin’.”

You take up the challenge. You rest on your knees first. You circle your hips, dragging your clit across his lower tummy. You never knew you could feel so full before, especially in this position.

He just stared at you in awe, playing with your tits as you grind down on him.

You take one of his hands in your own, placing it right below your belly button.

“I feel you right here, Joel,” You moan, “Fillin’ me up so good.”

You knew he wanted to cum right there because his dicks twitches inside you.

“You are one dirty girl,” He growls, “You’re lucky I’m even letting you cum again, talkin’ like that.”

You plant your feet on the bed, finding all your strength to start bouncing on him. He steadies you, bringing his hips up to meet yours. This angle hits different, especially when Joel’s thumb finds your clit again. You couldn’t help yourself, chasing that same high you felt before when his face was between your thighs.

You look down at him with hooded lids, “I’m gonna cum again.”

“Yes you are,” He smirks, “Cum all over me baby, I feel you.”

Your release hits you, making you fall to your knees again. Your hips girate, the spasming around Joel’s cock sending him into a moaning mess. He lets your settle for a moment before lifting you back up. His dicks slides out, which causes him to hiss and you to groan. Instead of laying you face up, he throws you face down into the pillows.

“My turn,” He says, dipping his cock back into you. As soon as it happens, you realize you weren’t done. That same sensitivity was back, but this time you felt the burning pick back up even quicker. He’s settling into a brutal pace, grabbing both your ass cheeks and spreading them apart. You turn your head, trying to get a view of him.

He was watching himself plunge into you, over and over again. It had to be the hottest thing you’ve ever seen. He’s dripping in sweat, his body glistening, clenching his teeth at the sight of your bodies meeting.

“‘m bout to cum,” He moans, “Where do you want it?”

“Fuck it into me, Joel.”

The words slips out so quickly. The tipping point hit you both at the same time, the spasming hitting you all over again. You scream into the pillows, biting into them trying not to be too loud. He releases himself into you, stilling his movements.

He doesn’t say anything when he pulls out, you both just breathe out loudly. You felt so empty without him.

You had never cum so much in one night before.

Joel Miller made you cum three times.

Without any help.

You hear his footsteps trail to his attached bathroom, hearing some water run from the faucet. You return to laying on your back, unsure if you could trust your legs to stand. Joel’s figure returns to the room, a damp rag in his hands. He smirks at you all the while nudging your legs apart. He slowly drags the rag around your sensitive area, making sure to get any cum that was leaking out of you. After he cleans you up, he wipes off his dick a bit.

He tosses the rag into a basket of clothes nearby.

“You want any water?”

You take note to how gentle and sweet he was being after being so aggressive towards you before. It was a side of Joel you really appreciated. He wasn’t talking down to you, he genuinely took your needs into account.

“I think I’ll be okay,” You respond, your eyes finally shutting, “Don’t think I’ll be able to walk home.”

“You can stay,” He grumbles, walking to the side of the bed, “We both have patrol in the morning anyway.”

Your eyes fly open, “Shit, I do! Wait-”

“Yeah I’m on with you. For the rest of the week.”

You could scream. This man just gave you the best dick of your life and now you had to patrol with him? You didn’t know how you’d be able to contain yourself.

“Fuck,” You place your hands over your face. You settle in the thought that you needed to sleep if you were going to be alive for morning patrol and you’d worry about your horny desires for Joel.

“C’mere,” He says, pulling you further up the bed. He positions you next to him in the bed, pulling some covers over you, leaving your boobs still out for his viewing pleasure. He wrapped one arm under you, letting it rest around your neck.

His sheets were flannel and so warm. His scent overtook you as soon as you relaxed into the pillows. One of them is the one you bite into earlier.

You felt at peace, wanting to stay in this spot for as long as possible.

“I’ll wake you a bit earlier so you can go home and get dressed,” He grumbles, “And…”

You don’t even realize how tired you are. Before Joel can finish his sentence, you fall into a deep slumber, praying sunrise doesn’t come too quickly.

You wake up when it’s still dark outside. Joel woke you up with a gentle nudge. You shoot up, scared for a moment before you take in your environment. You realize he’s fully dressed already. You groan, rubbing your eyes.

When you start to slip out of bed, you start realizing you’re still completely naked.

And in Joel’s bed.

You plant your feet on the wooden floorboards, using the light from the one lamp in the corner of the room to find your clothes. You could not find your panties for the life of you, so you give up and just shove your legs into your jeans and throw your shirt over your head. Joel lets you wake up in silence, not asking you questions until you make it downstairs.

“I’ll see you at the stables,” He mutters, pouring warm water into a mug that has a tea bag hanging off of it, “You go get changed.”

He was being short, you could tell. You feel a sinking feeling, like he probably regretted what happened last night. Before you could respond, the back door swings open and a smaller frame enters the dark house.

“Ellie,” Joel hisses, “What are you doing up?”

Her tired eyes are on you. You freeze in your spot, not knowing how to react or what to say. Your head just races with shitshitshitshit.

“I knew I heard your voice last night!” She laughs, “Y’all have fun?”

Your cheeks heat up instantly, not able to think of a response.

“Ellie!” His voice is stern and borderline scary, “Go back to your room, now.”

It was a demand.

She just chuckles, grabbing the door handle and pulling it close.

“See you around, Joel’s lady friend.”

You stand there completely dumbfounded and embarrassed. Joel sips on his hot tea, not really paying attention to your response to Ellie calling you his lady friend.

“Go get dressed.”

It was another demand. It sent shockwaves through your body. Maybe your sinking feeling was correct.

Joel only did what he did last night because of the alcohol. It didn’t change how he’d treat or talk to you in real life. You kind of wished he’d just be cruel about it. Like he would just read your mind and tell you how stupid you were to think this would change anything.

You felt like a fool. You don’t say anything as you walk to the door and put on your boots. As you walk out of the house, you promise yourself to take it one minute at a time. Don’t overthink everything. Just let it be a one night stand. Don’t make it about your feelings. Be cool about it.

#joel miller x reader #the last of us #joel miller #joel miller the last of us #joel miller fic #joel miller smut #pedro pascal #joel miller one shot #joel miller x you #joel miller fanfic #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller angst #tlou smut #joel miller tlou #tlou hbo #tlou fanfiction

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goldenlikedayl1ght · 3 months

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we're in love - m. murdock

a/n: hi guys not dead just played a LOT of baldurs gate over break and now im back ay college with matt murdock brainrot this ones been floating around the old noggin a while. sorry. likes, reblogs, and comments are always appreciated! <3 warnings: DEAD DOVE with a happy ending, hard of hearing reader, cannon typical marvel violence, probably badly written violence, matt being upset, once again im tired and sleepy and bad at doing warnings, reader gets kidnapped TWICE, reader has superpowers, reader is TECHNICALLY a hybrid but literally just in the way that she has small antlers and deer like abilities (strength, jump height), fucked up experiments, ANGST ANGST ANGST, memory loss trope but like... the one from the hunger games. matt is hopelessly in love with reader, reader wants to kill matt, kissing, implied sexual ideas, cursing. SHAMELESS USE OF REAL OR NOT REAL FROM THG, reader having anxiety, and allusions of sex. word count: 7.1k summary: when your past finally catches up to you, matt truly learns what 'in sickness and in health' means. pairing: matt murdock x hoh!wife!reader now playing: we're in love - boygenius "will you still love me if it turns out I'm insane?/i know what you'll say/but it helps to hear you say it anyway."

Falling in love with Matt Murdock was the easy part.

Falling back in love with him was the tough bit.

You had spent the years leading up to meeting him as a boxer turned vigilante— Your dad had taught you how to fight young, which led to a lot of trouble at school until he eventually started helping you enter teenage fights against your mom’s wishes.

It’s how you paid for college.

And then, after your college experience, you lose control. It was never supposed to happen the way it did. You had lost a fight and stole the guy’s motorcycle in defiance. But the roads were wet from an early snow and people of New York never knew how to drive.

Just like that, the nerves in your hands were shot. The accident got your hearing too since you got sick from the cold after your accident. The infection got so bad that it took the hearing from your left ear—And half from your right.

For months, you thought you’d never gain control of your hands again, snapping from a promising young fighter to a deaf and shaky temp. You were miserable. Fighting was your everything for so long.

And then The Doctor found you.

No, not the alien from the British television show, but a man who promised you your old life back. He found you while you were at your lowest and realized that you would do anything for your old life back.

He said in exchange for your old life, all you would have to do would be a test subject for a harmless new drug he was testing out.

You were so enamored by the idea of your old life that you had decided to take him up on his offer, so you were whisked away upstate with a group of other people desperate enough to try this experiment out.

Every morning you were given a shot of blue liquid into your arm, and then, you were to preform a series of tasks to record your progress. After three weeks you grew frustrated that you had seen no progress. You spent most of your time asking people to talk into your right ear and becoming mad at The Doctor.

About a month in, you started growing antlers.

At first, you freaked out. Like, truly, screamed and yelled, wanting an explanation. The Doctor celebrated, telling you this was great news—And to prove it, he had you pick up a pen and write a sentence out. Your hands didn’t shake and did everything you told them to do.

On top of the antlers and the newfound control of your nerves, you were strong—Fast, too. You could jump twelve-foot walls. The Doctor was obsessed with you. While other patients died off from whatever drugs you were being given, you were thriving.

At the end of your three-month stay, you were excited to leave and head back to your life. You’d just have to wear beanies everywhere to hide your antlers, you told yourself. A small price to pay.

But The Doctor wouldn’t let you leave.

How could he, he asked you, when you were his best test subject?

Being a prisoner was a lot worse than you thought it would be. Day in and day out, you were trained to be a soldier, you think. Fighting various guards, doing different athletic tests. The serum hadn’t fixed your hearing, but it had given you all of these gifts.

Until The Doctor became cruel.

He gave the guards these batons that had shock currents at the end of them, instructing them to use it whenever you talked back or underperformed. For months you struggled through days of electric shocks and experiments.

One night, a guard slipped into your cell, expecting you to be an easy target. You quickly showed him differently, knocking him out and stealing his weapons. And then, you ran. You ran until your feet bled—No shoes.

An old woman who had retired upstate welcomed you into her small cabin and fed you, never asking about the small antlers growing out of your head. She simply gave you a warm knit cap and a pair of boots for the cold.

You remember eating chili with her as she told you about her deceased husband. You changed your last name to theirs, knowing The Doctor would find you if you kept going by your name. You stayed with her for a weekend, coming back from gathering firewood to The Doctor’s men there, having killed the kind old woman and on the hunt for you. You stole her car and never looked back.

The next few weeks after that had been full of killing various soldiers and armies that The Doctor had sent after you, until you eventually pushed The Doctor off a building, believing to have killed him for good.

And that was that.

You went on with your life as usual, finding a permanent job as a secretary. In a law office.

Which, of course, is where you met Matt.

With Matt, you never felt the need to hide who you were. Of course, it was a lot easier to tell him that some mad scientist had infected you with a drug that turned you into a deer hybrid when he told you that he was Daredevil.

And with time, some of the effects of the serum began to fizzle out. Strength, Agility, Antlers—Those stayed. The control over your hands didn’t. But you made peace with that. Physical Therapy twice a week and hearing aids helped.

Especially because early Sunday mornings were filled with Matt running his fingers through your hair, running his pointer finger along the curves of your antlers. He takes your hands and kisses your fingertips as they shake, hushing you softly when you start crying as he does.

He spars with you and spends nights running around New York City with you, jumping from rooftop to rooftop.

He tells you about Elektra, Stick, his dad, and Fisk.

One day, when you feel safe enough, wrapped up in his arms and a layer of blankets as snow falls against the windows, you tell him about The Doctor. You explain to him your nightmares, and why they will never go away.

He kisses away your tears and promises he’ll never let anything happen to you.

When he asks you to marry him, you don’t hesitate to say yes. There’s not a moment where you regret that decision. You insist to get married in the summer, during the short month where your antlers shed before they grow back. He agrees happily, just wanting you to be happy.

You’ve been married for about five months when you start to think about kids. You’ve been married six when you realize the worst possible scenario is your reality—When vials of blue serum show up at your front door with a note scribbled out—

‘My Best Test Subject,

I cannot wait to catch up with you soon.

-The Doctor’

You call Matt in a panic, begging him to come home and be with you. He obliges and holds you as you calm down. He promised to love you in sickness and in health, and that is what he fully intends to do.

This is the story of the greatest challenge that your marriage would face.

• • •

After the note you had received, you almost exclusively traveled with Matt. Even for just a casual stroll, a walk to the deli or home from work, He was there with you. He knew you could handle yourself, but you felt safer with him close by.

But Matt’s senses were never as focused when it rained, especially on nights like today. The rain pours, it almost stings against his skin. And it’s loud. You don’t have your hearing aids in, so they catch you both by surprise.

It all happens too fast—

In an instant, Matt is being pulled off your arm and slammed against the closest brick alley, and when he hears the click of a gun behind him, he realizes what’s happening. He tries to fight, but before he can make any process, someone is swinging that gun against his head, and when he wakes up, he’s all alone.

He calls out to you and gets no response other than thunder rumbling from miles away. He is filled with nothing but a rage, a determination to find you.

He scrambles for his phone and uses it to call Karen.

“I need you to get Frank.” He tells her, “Please. I.. I don’t know what happened, but.. He took her, I need.. Karen, I need to find her.” He tells her.

Frank is on his way to New York within the hour.

• • •

When you wake up, your arms are strapped behind your back in some sort of metal contraption. You can feel the ache in your hands, indicating that you had fought against whoever brought you here. The room is quiet. A small cot in one corner, but the rest of the room is barren.

You’re wearing white pants and a gray muscle tee, with no shoes. You’re suddenly thankful you left your wedding ring at home, so that it might not end up in his hands.

You wait a while, and then the door opens. The Doctor, flanked by two men in heavy armor, holding those batons you’re all too acquainted with, steps into the room. You simply stare, but The Doctor looks like a child on Christmas morning.

But there’s something else to his appearance. His left eye is this bright yellow, and his pupil is a different shape. Green scales travel up his neck and coat the bottom right half of his face, and down his arms, reaching his fingertips. He looks like a monster, but you quickly realize what has happened.

Whatever serum gave you your abilities, was given to him. Only, his was made from that of snakes, not deer.

“My beautiful creation!” He gasps and takes your face in his hand, planting a kiss to your head, right between your antlers. “It’s been too long, you know.” His ‘s’ sounds are elongated, and his teeth are sharper. He has become destroyed by his own mad endeavors. When you don’t respond to his greeting, he continues to speak. “It’s been an eventful few years for you, huh?” When this doesn’t get a response from you, he stands up straight and backs up just a foot. “New job, new name… New husband.” Your head snaps up at that. “What? You think I haven’t been keeping tabs on you and the boy? What do you call him, then? Matthew or Daredevil?”

Your eyes grow wide, unsure how he knows about your husband’s secret hobby.

“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” You spit, your gaze hardening into a glare.

“Don’t I? You make quite the couple. The little deaf doe and her crime fighting blind husband.” He laughs, “And they say I like a project.”

“You won’t touch him or I swear to god—”

“Little doe, you misunderstand. I want nothing to do with your husband. I just want you to be the good subject I know you can be.” He tells you. “You and I are the only of our kind. I want to study you, replicate you.”

“You’re going to kidnap more people.”

“You weren’t kidnapped, you volunteered.”

“I won’t do whatever it is you want me to do.” You tell him. “I don’t care, I will escape, I will kill you.”

He shakes his head, taking one of the batons from the guards, before hitting you across the face with it. You groan in pain, turning your head back to glare at him. He sighs.

“I didn’t want to have to do this. But I did anticipate that Husband of yours interrupting things.” He hands the baton back to the guard before telling him. “Take her down the hall and get her ready, alright?”

You struggle your way down the hall, refusing to do whatever is coming to you without a fight. When the guards uncuff you to strap you to this big dentist looking chair, you manage to get out of the grasp of the guard, swinging a punch on him but this newfound advantage is short lived, as the other guard quickly grabs your arms and pushes you against the chair. You’re yelling and thrashing but they manage to get your arms and legs strapped down to the chair.

Your heartbeat is racing, and quietly, only in your mind, you beg. But not for mercy. Not from The Doctor. You beg Matt to come find you. Because you know that you do not stand a chance on your own, but maybe he could find you. He had to find you.

The Doctor sits in a chair next to you and holds up a small purple vial.

“This is hallucinogenic snake venom, mixed with a duller version of the serum we gave you. What this will do is allow me to go into your memories and alter them.” He explains as if you’re getting a simple procedure done. Tears fill your eyes.

“You’re going to make me forget him?” You ask, your voice breaking.

The Doctor hushes you softly, wiping your tears softly.

“Oh, no, little doe. I’m going to change what you do remember about him to make you hate him.”

• • •

Six months is a long time to be without your wife. For anyone, no matter who it is.

For Matt Murdock, it’s absolute torture. He spends all day half paying attention to his work while trying to research who The Doctor is. He spends all night trying to find you.

Frank lives, breathes, eats and sleeps to find you. He’s still technically a wanted man, so he pretty much stays under the radar as he looks for you. You remind him of a lot of guys he knew in the army, of himself.

Karen busies herself with research, looking through cases of old files at The Bulletin to try and see if there are any tips or stories that could maybe be connected to where you are. She gets about as little sleep as Matt.

And Foggy has the most important job of all.

Making sure Matt doesn’t kill himself in the process of trying to find you. Because for the first two months Matt didn’t sleep, hardly ate. And as he deteriorated, Foggy reminded him that to find you, he’d need to stay alive. He needs to shower, he needs to keep going to church, he needs to keep eating. The thought of hearing your heartbeat again keeps him going.

It’s as they’re packing up to go home one night that Frank comes into the office with blood-stained hands. They all know he wouldn’t be here if he didn’t have something, so Karen asks first.

“What? What is it?”

“Buddy of mine found a file. Some private medicinal corporation funding a project for some sort of doctor doing cancer research, upstate.”

The location peaks Matt’s interest, because one of the few things he knows of your first experience is that the lab was in upstate New York.

“Okay, but—” Karen starts, but Frank hands her the file.

“Report shows the guy had scales.” He told her. “And I don’t know what you guys make of that but sounds to me like a side effect similar to the serum that was given to her.”

“Where?” Matt asks.

“Red, just—”

“Give me a god damn address, Frank.” He demands.

“I’ll drive you. Come on, things are probably gonna get wild and I don’t want you going alone.” He told him. Matt agrees, but only because he knows he can’t drive and would wind up walking to you.

“Then let’s go.” Before Frank can argue, Matt is walking out the door and going to get suited up for the journey ahead.

• • •

Daredevil is my enemy.

Matt Murdock hates me.

I hate him.

We were never really in love with each other.

These are the thoughts that echo through your mind as you wait for your next round of testing. The six-month mark is pivotal, The Doctor tells you time and time again.

Overall, you’ve made tremendous progress. He tells you that within weeks, other serums will be ready to test on new subjects. Maybe then, he tells you, he’ll promote you from just being a soldier.

Maybe.

You almost don’t hear the alarm going off somewhere in the distance. Of course, you don’t. The serum has never helped your hearing.

The way you remember it, Daredevil, a man who once claimed to love you, fought you to the point that he destroyed the nerves in your hands, destroyed your hearing. It’s fuzzy now, but you know this: The Doctor helped you. He put you back together.

But you do hear the alarm, eventually. It concerns you; it means someone has broken into the building. Your thoughts linger on the masked vigilante that haunts your nightmare. You’re getting stronger to defeat him, The Doctor says.

It’s a cool summer night when whoever it is broke in, breaks down your door. You immediately stand, quickly identifying Frank Castle, a grin breaking across your face. Closely behind, you identify a man in red.

Your heartbeat races, but you just stare at the pair.

Matt strips off his helmet and approaches you, wanting to make sure this was real. That you were real. His hands find your cheeks, and tears fill his eyes. He says your name gently.

“I found you, I’ve got you…”

You blink, unsure of what sort of cruel teasing that was.

Because in an instant, your glare hardens and you’re pushing him against a wall, starting to throw punches at him. He’s too far in shock to react, but Frank is pulling you off of him, and you’re struggling against him.

“Let me go! I need to kill him! He’s evil, he needs to die!” You cry, and Matt is just saying your name softly, in absolute disarray. What had they done to you, his sweet girl?

Frank pins you down to the ground, unsure of why you, a woman he had perceived to be so in love with the man behind him, are so adamant that he dies.

“Enough, Enough!” He barks, grabbing your chin and forcing you to look at Matt. “That is your husband, girl. Stop acting like he’s torturing you when he is not the one whose been experimenting on you for six months!”

“Let me go, I need him gone! He’s cruel, He’s a monster!” You cry, and Matt has started crying. Putting you both out of your misery, Frank hits you in a way that knocks you right out. Matt goes over to your now unconscious form and pets your hair.

“Why was she—”

“I don’t know.. I just don’t know, red. Let’s get her out of here to figure it out, okay?” Matt just nods and grabs his helmet, slipping it on so Frank can’t see him crying anymore.

• • •

If you had a nickel for every time you woke up tied to a chair, you’d have more nickels than you had fingers.

Today is no different.

You’re surrounded by people you don’t recognize. And one you do. Your angry glare stays on him, and he looks upset by it.

You’re unsure why. You’re so sure he just wanted you dead.

The blonde woman in front of you says your name softly. When your gaze shifts to her, you notice her soft eyes.

“How do you know my name?” You ask.

She frowns.

“It—Because we’re good friends.”

“I don’t know you.”

“You don’t… My name is Karen.” She says softly. She goes over to a nearby shelf, pulling out a picture frame and showing it to you. “Here, that’s you and me. At your wedding.”

“My wedding? The one that he set up just to hurt me?”

Matt remembers you telling him that you had never been happier than when you were getting ready for your wedding.

There’s two other men, one held you down while you were meant to kill Matt, but the other one.. You vaguely remember him standing next to Matt when you got married.

He speaks next.

“Matt and Frank, they found these vials in one of the labs. We think the man that took you used it to... to alter your memories.”

“Why would The Doctor do that? He helped me.” You tell them, unsure what to make of this whole situation. Matt is growing extremely frustrated because he knows just how scared you were of that monster.

“Untie her.” Matt tells Frank, and everyone looks at him like he’s crazy. Including you because you know that you’ll just try and kill him. “Do it,” he tells him again and very hesitantly, Frank does untie you. When you’re free from the rope, you step forward to go towards Matt, but Frank grabs your arm.

“Don’t,” he says. But then, Matt reaches for Frank’s gun on the nearby table and hands it to you. Odd choice for a man you want to kill.

“Go ahead.” He tells you, facing you now. “Shoot me, kill me if that’s what you really want to do.” He says. You stare at the gun in your hand for a second, before holding it properly and aiming it at Matt. Everyone waits with bated breath to see what you’ll do.

Pull the trigger, you tell yourself, The Doctor’s voice echoing around your head. He hurt you, the voice says. He needs to die.

And yet, you just stare at the man on the other end of the gun, trying to build up the courage to kill him. To kill the man that for months you have been taught needs to die. That you have memories of hurting you, of maiming you.

Your hand tremors as tears fill your eyes, until you eventually drop your arm, so the gun isn’t pointing at him anymore.

“Look at the photo of you and Karen,” Matt tells you, “You have hearing aids in the photo. I didn’t do that to you, you got into a bad accident, you got sick and that’s how you lost your hearing. I had nothing to do with that. You even had your powers before me, you didn’t just get them in the past six months. The Doctor is an evil man who just wanted to torture people and turn them into science experiments.” He tells you, and you want to tell him to stop, that it’s not true. But something in you tells you not to. “I love you,” he says gently, and you flinch away from him when he says this.

It breaks his heart into a million pieces. Absolutely shatters it.

“I don’t know you.” You tell him.

Sensing that Matt doesn’t know what to say to that, Frank steps forward.

“Hey. I’m Frank, you remember me?”

“You pinned me down when you found me.” He sighs softly.

“Yeah, well.. You have memories of when the two of you got married, right? So those are real memories… What about the ones of him hurting you? Do they look any different?”

You take a moment to close your eyes and really focus on the memory you have so closely attached to the man in red. They’re.. Filmy. Like they have a filter on them or like glass shimmering in the sun.

Tears fall from your eyes as you open them, your hand quickly coming up to wipe your tears.

“I think we did enough for now.. She needs to rest.” The man whose name you don’t know, but he has this shaggy blonde hair. Then this question comes up in everyone’s mind—Where will you stay?

“I’ll take the couch,” Matt says, “You take the bed.” You don’t know how comfortable you are with being alone with Matt in this apartment, even if the memories are fake. They feel pretty real.

“I don’t know if—” Karen starts.

“I.. It’s fine..” you say softly, and that fills Matt with a fraction of hope. “It’s just over night.”

Frank sighs softly, taking his gun off the table and glancing at Matt.

“We’re only a phone call away, alright?” Karen tells him.

It feels sort of awkward that they only talk to him as if you can’t hear them. Well, you can’t hear them very well, but you can hear.

“There’s clothes for you in the bedroom,” Matt tells you, “Go take a shower and I’ll walk them to the door.” Very reluctant to turn your back on Matt, you make your way to the bedroom to gather your clothes and go to shower.

You really haven’t had a good shower in six months, so it’s nice to wash the dirt off your skin and from beneath your fingernails. You spend a long time under the hot shower, letting it burn your skin. Your whole life has been turned upside down because you’re slowly coming to terms with the fact that Matt Murdock isn’t your sworn enemy, and that maybe.. he just.. does like you..

Meanwhile, Matt walks the others out, or at least to the door, hesitant to go too far from you.

Foggy glances back to him before he leaves, curiously.

“How did you know she wouldn’t shoot you?”

He hesitates.

“I didn’t.” he says softly. “I just trusted that somewhere within her, my wife still loves me.”

• • •

Later that night, you stare out the window of his apartment at that bright billboard. You gaze at it curiously, and hear Matt call your name gently behind you. In his hands, he holds your hearing aids.

You put them on, and just look at him for a few minutes.

“You kept them?”

“I never stopped looking for you..” He told you. “I prayed every night hoping to hear your heartbeat again.” He tells you, and you don’t know what to make of it. He seems so devoted to you, yet you have these memories of him beating you until you’re close to death.

“I’m sorry I can’t be in love with you the way you want me to be.”

He shrugs gently.

“In sickness and in health, right?”

“And in torture and memory alteration.”

“Same thing.”

For the first time in six months, you smile.

Maybe your husband isn’t such a bad guy.

You can only hope he’ll love you long enough for you to get your shit together and not want to kill him anymore.

• • •

Memories are a tricky thing.

You decide to spend your days with Frank, hunting down various people who worked with The Doctor. You talk a lot about your memories with him. And no matter what, at the end of the day, you have dinner with Matt.

One night, he brings home Thai Food.

“We had this for our first date,” he recalls. “You got pad Thai, your favorite.” You try to recall the memory.

“You wore a nice blue button up, right?” You say softly. He smiles gently and nods.

“Yeah. I did.” He says gently.

“Can..” You hesitate. “Can you tell me more about it? Our life together? I can’t.. discern between what’s real and fabricated.” You’re making new memories, sure, but you know he misses the life the two of you had together.

But he’s caught off guard by your request. For the past few weeks, you’ve been hesitant to indulge in any memories you think might be real.

“You used to work for me.” He tells you. “Not in a weird way, but our office is small. We fell in love over Thai food and opening statements.”

“Why did you want to marry me?”

He hesitates for a second, not wanting to scare you off.

“Because I love you.” He tells you. “Because when you were with me, it was the closest thing I’d ever knew to peace.” He confesses.

“Oh..”

“Yeah.” He takes another bite of his food. “You know if you have a memory and you don’t know if it’s real, you can always ask.”

You smile softly.

“Thanks.” There’s a soft silence that fills the room before you ask, “I have this memory of us in bed, with you running your hand through my hair.. Your fingers tracing these antlers I have.. Is that real?”

“Yeah, it is..” He promised. “I have a thing about textures and your hair is soft.”

“I’m glad.” You smile. This is nice. This gentleness that’s between you. It’s a softness you aren’t used to, one that you don’t know if you’d ever quite get used to.

Later that night, when you were meant to be fast asleep, you wake up with a startling gasp in bed. You look around panicked. You don’t quite know who you’re looking for..

Until Matt comes into the room, a concerned look on his face.

“Are you okay?” He asks, and this calmness washes over you.

“Yeah..”

“Okay. Okay, good, I’ll be in the living room if you need me.” He says softly. He’s been so good to you, sleeping on the couch for so many weeks. He goes to leave, but you call out to him. He turns back to you.

“Can you stay with me?” You ask.

“Yeah, of course.” He says softly, climbing into bed with you. You think for a second, before shifting a bit, resting your head against his chest. You listen to the gentle thud of his heartbeat, as his hand finds your back, gently rubbing up and down. “Do you want to talk about it?”

He isn’t dumb—He knows you have nightmares. And that on the nights that you do, you’re quieter and more avoidant of him. It’s a bad habit, one you want to break. Because you recognize that your dreams aren’t real.

Matt has never done anything to you, and you’re sure of this.. For the most part. Sometimes when you wake up, you must reorient yourself and remind yourself that Matt has no malicious intent towards you and no reason to hurt you.

But it takes you a few minutes to accomplish this. On those mornings, you tend to keep your distance from him, and because Matt wants nothing but your happiness, he stays away from you. But tea is always placed in front of you, and he never strays far from you.

“Not really.” You finally answer. There’s another beat of silence. “We went as the couple from The Princess Bride for our first Halloween together.. Real or not real?”

“Real.” He confirms.

“You broke my nose once during an argument. Real or not real?”

“Not real.” He tells you. “I would never hurt you. Even when we used to fight at the gym, it was always for practice, never to do actual damage. And when we would spar, it would always end with us going home and taking a hot bath.”

You close your eyes, trying to recall that particular memory. When you find it, your face flushes with this unfamiliar heat.

“You’re still trying to protect me even though I wanted you dead... Real or not real?”

“Real.” He doesn’t even hesitate. He’s not sure if you’ve realized it yet, but he’d rather die than put you anywhere close to being in danger. His hand continues to trace patterns into your skin, as you think about his response.

You fall asleep like this, close to the man who you’re realizing has never intended to hurt you a day in your life.

• • •

The day you realize you’re in love with your husband is horrifying.

Which seems like a crazy accusation to make, and yet, you feel nothing but horror when you realize that you are desperate for him. Which is insane, because you’ve been living with him for two months when you realize you are desperate to kiss him like you’re drowning and need air.

It happens at the office. You decided to cook, because you remember really liking it, and to say thank you for all he’s done for you, you want to bring lunch to Matt at work. So you make this really delicious chicken pesto pasta, and you pick up sodas to go along with it. Matt gets the following text:

‘Your favorite soda is Dr. Pepper. Real or not real?’

Five minutes later, you get a response.

‘Real. Yours is sprite.’

You pick up a bottle of each and head over to his office. You’ve been there a few times before, but mostly it was because Frank needed to talk to Karen about something, but lately you’ve found yourself wanting to go to the office just to see Matt.

Matt is surprised when he hears the familiar beat of your heart on the other side of the door. He can also hear the slight buzz of your hearing aids.

“Sweetheart, you can come in.” He calls, but you hesitate even further. Not because you’re confused as to why he knows it’s you, but because your brain sort of short circuits when he calls you the pet name. But after a few minutes, you walk into the room and place lunch on his desk, as well with your drinks.

“Do you like pesto?”

“We had pesto pasta at our wedding.” Oh.

“So you do?”

“Yeah, I do. Especially the way you make it.”

“Oh, good.” You smile and sit at the chair on the other side of the desk. “Because I made chicken pesto pasta for lunch and figured you might want some.”

“Well, thank you for thinking of me.”

There’s a quiet calm between the two of you.

“This is a pretty killer first date, huh?” This makes Matt laugh, because in his mind, your first date was eating Thai food and listening to music. But this isn’t bad either.

“Well, Chivalry must be dead then, because I didn’t even buy you flowers.” He hums, and you tilt your head.

“I don’t remember you ever buying me flowers.” He frowns at this.

“Well, I’m going to have to fix that.”

And that’s how the afternoon goes. You sit with Matt in his office, eating a homemade chicken pasta and falling in love with him. As you go to leave, he asks you what you have planned for the day.

“I have some errands to run, but I should be home to make dinner.” And for a moment, Matt forgets all that’s happened, and he lets himself believe that you have all your memories of him perfectly intact and no one’s ever made you think otherwise.

You get back to the apartment a few hours later, and just as you’re unpacking your groceries, there’s a knock at the door. When you open it, a delivery man stands with a bouquet of flowers. Your face is warm as you sign off on them.

As you put them in their vase, you notice a note attached to it. You catch yourself grinning as you read his little note, that reads ‘I’ll buy you flowers until I’m old and wrinkly. Real.’

The urge to run back to the office and kiss him overwhelms you.

So you call Frank.

This leads to the pair of you, sitting at a booth in a diner, nursing coffees and toast.

“I hope you didn’t call me here just to complain about married life.” He tells you, making a joke out of the thing that terrifies you.

“No, I just wanted you to sit here talking to a chick with antlers so you can look like more of a freak than you already are.” You tease.

It gets you both laughing. These moments, in between all the nightmares and all of the filmy memories, fill you with a light you can’t quite describe.

“So, why’d you really call me to meet up?” He asks. “I have to assume you don’t just want to chitchat.”

“I think I’m in love with Matt.” You tell him. He raises an eyebrow.

“What? Why does that sound like you think it’s a problem?” He asks.

“I don’t know.” You confess. “It’s like I don’t want to love him, like a part of me still believes he’s the bad guy. I know he does.. Besides, I was so awful to him for so long. I pointed a gun at him and he still comforts me every night. What if I don’t deserve this?” You ask. “What if I don’t deserve him?”

Frank actually laughs—Okay, not like a giggle or a belly laugh, but it gets a good chuckle out of him.

“You and Red with that shit—Questioning if you’ve done enough for something good to happen to you. With the ‘Do I deserve this?’ and the ‘Am I worthy of this?” He shakes his head. “All that shit is irrelevant. Do you want it? Do you want to be with him?”

Tears fill your eyes as you realize what that means.

“You and him, you love each other like breathing, and I know you don’t quite get that yet, but it’s the same reason you didn’t shoot him that day. Something in you knows that you love him and deserve his love.” Frank is speaking from experience, because he knows that no matter what he’s done, he knows he deserves one more kiss from his wife.

But he’ll never get that chance.

He hopes Matt does.

• • •

It takes you a long time to make your way back to the apartment. When you get there, Matt immediately stands from his place on the couch and has this look of concern etched across his face.

“Is everything okay?” he asks gently, “Your heart is racing, I just want to make sure you’re safe and—"

“I’m fine.” You smile gently. “Really, I… Thank you for the flowers.” You tell him. His face softens.

“You like them?”

“I love them, Matt.” You confess. “I’ve spent.. So long trying to rationalize everything, sort out the real things from the things that aren’t..” You’re not too sure what you’re trying to say. “I just.. I want.. I want to try. I want to try and be with you, I’m ready for that. I’m ready to be happy with you..”

He hesitates. Not because he doesn’t want to, because he doesn’t want you, but he is worried that you’re only saying these things because you feel like you might owe him. You don’t. You don’t owe him anything other than what you want to give him, and he is desperate for you to know that.

“Sweetheart, You don’t.. I don’t need.. I don’t need you to pretend like you want me just because I’ve taken care of you. It’s more than enough to just—”

Matt is cut off by his first kiss from you in eight months. Your hands rest on the sides of his cheeks, and his arms are quickly around your torso. The kiss is passionate but soft at first—Until you push deeper, desperate to be as close as you can to him. Your hand even comes up to pull off his glasses to see his eyes.

Without thinking, you pull away from him only for your hand to come down to the hem of his shirt, going to pull it off.

“Off, off, off, off—” You softly request, and he just laughs, taking your hand in his, pressing a kiss to the back of it.

“Stop. Wait.” He says gently. “I just.. I want to make sure you actually want this.. That you really want me.”

“Why wouldn’t I?”

“You’ve been reserved for the past two months, rightfully so, but now you want to sleep with me.. I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret. Or something you do just because you feel lonely or bad that I—” You cut him off with another kiss, breaking it shortly after.

“I want you. I want to rebuild my life with you. I want to create new, untainted memories.. It won’t be easy, but I want to be with you.” You confess. “I want countless summer nights, I want you to be there for all the nightmares, I.. I want to give you the same peace you’ve been trying to give me.”

You’re both crying and you don’t quite know why. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a gold band. He slips it onto your fingers and kisses you again. He holds the hand with your wedding ring on it as he leads you into the bedroom. Into your life together. Into your arms. Where you were meant to be.

The next morning, you lay in the quiet of your apartment, the silk sheets tickling your skin. You focus on Matt’s breathing. He traces patterns into your skin.

“What are you thinking about?” You ask, and he takes a moment to answer.

“You.” He says gently. “You’re all I’ve been thinking about for three years.” He says gently. Then, when you don’t say anything, “Our anniversary was two months ago..” You know he misses the life you could have had together.

The life that he had planned out for the pair of you in his head. The life that oh so quietly, he longs for. The one without nightmares, supplemented by the laughter of any potential children you might have.

“I could get used to thinking about you, too, you know.” And it makes him laugh, as you lean up and bite his shoulder gently, before placing a kiss to that same patch of skin. He swats your arm gently before the pair of you break down into giggles.

“In the future, if you ever.. don’t want to do that, you don’t have to.”

“I know.” You tell him.

A comfortable silence fills the air again.

“I’m so happy you came back to me.” He says gently. “I was.. I spent so long worried that.. that we’d spend years just trying to find our footing again. That you wouldn’t get better..” For the second time tonight, you cut off his overthinking with a kiss.

“I love you.” You tell him when you’re finally ready to pull away. The morning light shines into the apartment, giving Matt this glowing effect. He practically shimmers in the golden light, and you just take a moment to commit the look of him to memory.

You try and take your time, studying him. He’s so beautiful this time of day.

“Real or not real?” He asks you softly, as one hand snakes up to your hair, his fingers gently running through it.

You lean forward and place a soft kiss to his lips.

“Real.”

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brandogenius · 2 months

Note

hiii!!! could you do like soft! gf x julien hcs??

hi!!! of course :D i hope i did it justice my love!

‼️RPF‼️

HC - julien x soft!gf reader

- jb is like those cats on tiktok. she likes to sit and watch you do your makeup. sometimes getting curious and asking you to put some on her

- “i want some of that” “you want some highlighter?” “yes”

- stealing jbs hoodies

- julien loves to spoil you

- juliens alarm goes off earlier than normal so she can wake you up because she knows you take long to do your hair and makeup

- either you or jules always brings home flowers every weekend. there’s flowers everywhere. you claim “it lightens up the house”

- sitting down every friday night, you painting juliens nails and jules painting yours

- “sorry they don’t look good” “baby they look gorgeous don’t worry”

- domestic fluff. both of you just wondering around in the comfortable silence of each others presence. julien doing the laundry and you painting at the table

- handmade crafts for gifts. you painted a portrait of you and julien for her birthday she has hung proudly in a framed photo in the hallway

- matching paper rings. it was something cute you wanted to try from tiktok but jb wears it religiously. committed to wearing it

- “it’s like we’re married”

- going clothes shopping doing small fashion shows in the dressing room showing off your skirts

- “do a twirl princess”

#pom writes #julien baker x reader #julien bake x soft!gf reader #julien baker headcanons #julien baker angst #julien baker au #julien baker x fem!reader #julien baker one shot #julien baker blurb #julien baker fluff #julien baker fanfic #boygenius x reader #boygenius fanfic #boygenius au #boygenius one shot

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percervall · 7 months

Text

one day I’ll forget about it (knowing it probably isn’t true)

Pairing: Carlos Sainz x fem!reader Words: 2129 Request: Carlos Sainz + boygenius - Cool About It Warnings: angst? heart break, mentions of a break up, mentions of the shitshow that is Ferrari 2022/2023

In which you're trying to be cool about it

---

The thing no one talks about when it comes to grief is that it’s not only a side effect of death. Or at least not of death in the sense of a finite ending of a person. Because when it comes to grieving the end of a relationship, there is no finite ending; There is no closure, no matter how much you talk things through and dissect the whys and hows of the ending. There is no closure, you discovered, because while you were left reeling and dealing with what felt like the loss of a limb, he moved on –moved away.

Perhaps that was something to be grateful for. Not having to see him at every event in the lives of your overlapping friend groups made it more bearable to pick up the pieces, to smooth over the jagged edges of you he left in his wake as he tore himself away. You had almost convinced yourself that you were okay, when your best friend mouths an apology as you lay eyes on him entering the pub –Carlos. You give her a tight-lipped smile to convey you are fine while you watch him walk to where your group of friends is sitting. You almost hate him then –almost being the operative word. He looks good, hair tousled as usual and dressed in jeans and a knit polo. Conveniently for you, your wine arrives and you can busy yourself with taking a sip as he greets everyone. During the rest of the evening you try your hardest to avoid interacting with him unless you really have to. Of course this leads to some funny looks from Lando, who’s become the centre of what used to be the Venn-diagram of you and Carlos and has remained a close friend after the split. I’m trying, you want to tell him, he has broken me beyond repair, but you do what you do best and hide behind the stereotypical stiff upper lip.

The text comes a couple of weeks later. Lando sends you the link to an article and the preview of it is enough to leave him on read. In hindsight you should have expected nothing less from him when your phone rings later that night; Lando is nothing if not persistent.

“Have you read it?”

“Hello to you too,” you deadpan as you settle on the couch.

“Sorry. Hi, have you read it?”

“Lando-..” you start, pinching the bridge of your nose.

“No don’t give me that,” he interrupts, “Read the article and then please ring me back. Just-.. Please?”

“..Fine.” You finish the call and click on the link. Taking a deep breath you begin reading a chronological account of the 2022 season that reads like a comedy of errors. At first you’re not sure why Lando sent you this; They won podiums, sometimes even in P1, but the further you scroll down, the more you realise just how much things have taken a turn.

“What do you want me to do with this?” you ask Lando as soon as he picks up.

“He is struggling a lot. This season is even worse. I need you to understand that he is not fine, not by a long shot. You may think that he has moved on but he hasn’t.”

“Lando, he broke up with me. I might not remember much from that time, but I distinctly remember you letting me cry into your hoodie for days on end that winter. How is this my problem?” You can’t help the bitter tone of your voice.

“Because once upon a time he had someone in his corner. This second fiddle role is gonna break him. I know he fucked up, that he broke your heart, but please I am begging you, you were the only person who could get through to him. Please help me help my friend?”

“If -and it’s a big if- I say yes, I’m only doing so because I love you.”

“I will be forever in your debt,” Lando replies and you can pick up on the desperation in his voice. Things must have gotten really bad if he offers you a carte blanche like this.

“Just-.. Get me one of Daniel’s t-shirts and a sweater and we’ll call it even.”

“We’re flying to Hungary together, why don’t you join? I’m sure he’d love to give it to you personally.” You sigh, flopping back onto the couch and as you stare up at the ceiling, you agree to his plan. A part of you wonders whether you’re just a glutton for punishment. Who’s to say Carlos even wants you there? Only one way to find out, you think and drag yourself to your bedroom to start packing.

The flight to the Hungarian Grand Prix goes by a lot quicker than you had anticipated. It helps that you haven’t seen Daniel for months and the two of you have a lot of catching up to do. For a moment you forget why you’re even at the track in the first place when you keep being stopped by the other drivers on the grid for a quick chat, but that all comes to a screeching halt when Charles spots you.

“Oh thank God,” he breathes and pretty much sags into your arms as he hugs you. You have no time to respond or ask questions before he leads you to Ferrari hospitality, Lando in tow. As you sit outside, sipping your coffee, Charles tells you just how messed up things have gotten at Ferrari, how while Charles is fortunate to have the entire force of the Tifosi behind him, Carlos doesn’t share that same protection. You can see the pain in his eyes at not being able to fulfil his godfather’s dreams and the weight of that on his shoulders.

“I have tried everything, but he has shut me out completely. Will you please talk to him?”

“Charles, why do you think he will listen to me? I-.. I am no longer part of his life, he made sure of that,” you all but whisper.

“Because he is still in love with you,” Charles says and it feels like someone has pulled the rug out from under you.

“It’s true,” Lando offers, “Not a month has gone by where he hasn’t asked me how you were. I get that you don’t believe us. Hell, I wouldn’t believe it either if I were you.” You stare into your coffee cup, swirling the dregs of your espresso around not too dissimilar to how their words are swirling around in your head.

“Please, just-.. Please, will you try and talk to him?” Charles asks you again, desperation evident in his voice and eyes when you finally look up at him. You don’t trust yourself to speak, so all you can do is nod. Relief floods both their faces and you brace yourself a little to see him again for the first time in months. Charles leads you upstairs to the driver rooms, leaving Lando behind who promises he’ll wait for you. Rupert and Caco are seated on the same floor, both shooting you a hopeful look as you pass them on your way to Carlos’ room. Charles knocks quietly, pushing the door open ever so slightly.

“Not now,” Carlos bites back.

“Mate?” Charles calls out in the hopes he will turn around. Whatever insult Carlos was about to hurl his teammate’s way, dies on his lips when he sees you in the door opening.

“Hey,” you offer quietly. Charles whispers that he’ll be downstairs if you need him, squeezing your arm as he leaves you behind. Carlos can’t stop staring at you, mouth slightly agape and eyes round.

“Hey,” he finally manages as you step into the room, sliding the door closed behind you and leaning against it.

“What-.. How-..?” he tries to ask, struggling to get a coherent sentence out.

“Lando. He’s worried about you. So’s Charles. I’m a last resort apparently,” you try to joke, but the nerves make it impossible for you to keep your tone teasing. Carlos sighs and slumps down on a chair as he mulls this over. It allows you a moment to look at him, to really look at him. His hair is a mess, which is not uncommon for him, but you can tell he has been running his hands through it in frustration. His stubble is slowly edging towards unkempt rather than rugged, and there’s a sadness and exhaustion in his eyes that makes you ache for him.

“Carlos..” you start, stuffing your hands in your pockets to refrain yourself from reaching out to him. He looks up at you, tears threatening to spill.

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, voice breaking, “I’m sorry. I hurt you and pushed you away and I am so sorry.”

“Why?” you whisper.

“I thought-.. I thought that it would be for the best. When the call came that Ferrari wanted me, I was so excited but I could never ask you to give up everything for me. So I figured this was for the best, that letting you go was for the best. God, was I wrong…” Carlos all but whispers that last part but the pain is tangible.

“We could’ve made it work. Had you talked to me, we could’ve figured out a solution. You didn’t have to do this all on your own.” You want to be angry at him, unleash the heartache you’ve had to bottle up for the last three years, but instead your heart breaks for the man you once loved –the man you still love, despite it all.

“I never stopped caring about you,” you say, not daring to look at him out of fear of seeing any ounce of hope in those brown eyes that once offered you so much solace, “I probably also didn’t stop loving you which made it so much harder to see you out there, living your dream while I was left with a gaping hole in my chest. Seeing you at the pub that night made it so much worse. You seemed so confident, so carefree, whereas I had barely managed to put my heart back together only for it to fall apart all over again. I’m not saying I forgive you, but I understand now, or at least somewhat understand why you thought you had to do what you did. It will take time for us to figure out where we stand, but in the meantime I can at least offer you friendship. I’ll be here all weekend, you have Lando to thank for that. If you need someone to talk to outside of this circus, I will be in the McLaren motorhome.”

“Thank you,” Carlos whispers, “I know it doesn’t fix or prove anything, but I also never stopped loving you. I have been anything but okay, guess I was just good at pretending I was. The races kept me distracted from the pain at first, but now it’s only adding to it. I don’t know how much more of this I can take…” He looks up at you, tears threatening to spill. You step closer and he allows you to pull him into a hug, face buried against your chest and arms wrapped around you, almost as if he’s afraid you might disappear if he doesn’t hold on for dear life. All his worries come tumbling out, about how he’s had to become both driver, strategist and race engineer during the weekends, how the team prioritising Charles again and again has begun to put a strain on their friendship and how the media’s commentary on said treatment is only making things so much worse since it has put both of them in a loop of damned if we do, damned if we don’t, how his dad continuously commenting on his future has made it difficult to even be in the same room as the man he once called his hero. You listen to it all, rubbing your hand up and down his back, easing the tension out of his muscles. When Carlos has run out of tears and words, you lift his face so you can look at him, brushing your thumb across his cheekbone.

“That’s a lot to carry, Carlos, but you’ve got people in your corner. I will always be in your corner, no matter what. How about you take a nap, I will still be here when you wake up and we just take it one step at a time, okay?” Carlos nods and you see the tiniest glint of hope in his eyes that is mirrored in the tiniest spark in your heart, that maybe this –all of it and any of it– is not beyond salvation just yet.

Yeah, so this kind of took on a life of its own? I don't know man, I listened to the song on repeat and started thinking about the different ways we can grief and how sometimes appearances function as a shield to deflect from how you're truly hurting and suddenly I was over 2k into a fic that was supposed to be a blurb? Oops? If you'd like even more heartache, most of this was written while listening to Bon Iver's re:stacks

Massive thanks to @moneyymaseyy for letting me talk through the plot and being my beta reader

Please, feel free to let me know what you think, your comments, tags, and likes mean the world to me 💜

#f1 fanfic #carlos sainz x reader #carlos sainz x you #carlos sainz jr x reader #carlos sainz jr x you #carlos sainz angst #carlos sainz jr angst #mar's playlist

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outofmydepthatapublicbeach · 27 days

Note

Maybe like a fic where you and Julien like agreed to keep it casual but like both of you want it to mean more

jj chats: hi love!!! this one took me a while and i apoligize!! i just couldn't think of a good way to write it but i think i figured it out!!

warnings: RPF, use of y/n, reader is a musician/famous, kissing, pet names

feedback is encouraged and i'd love to get some just please be kind!!!

You’re sitting around Lucy’s round dinner table, plates dirty but yet to be cleaned up. The table is filled with friends, clockwise it goes: Lucy, Naomi, you, Katie, Jo, Phoebe, and Julien. Across you was Julien, who was sipping on her lemonade. Your eyes couldn’t help but linger on her, even when she wasn’t speaking. You knew it was wrong, she wasn’t yours, you weren’t hers. But your heart was confused, and you always did want what you couldn’t have.

The conversation around you was lively, you could distinctly hear Phoebe’s howls over a joke Katie told. But you honestly couldn’t be bothered to listen. Your mind replays a moment you and Julien shared earlier in the day.

It had been early, the clock read 6:00 A.M. as you turned to the left side of the bed. Face to face with the woman who kept your heart pumping. You smiled at her as she lifted a hand to your face. You felt sparks fly as her gentle fingers brushed over your cheek. “Good morning darling,” she spoke, hand moving across your waist, pulling your body into hers.

“‘Morning Jules,” you yawned. “How’d you sleep?”

She smiled lazily, rubbing circles onto your hips “Good, especially since you were here.”

Her comment struck you wrong, reminded you that this was all a charade, that it meant nothing to her (or so you thought) “Don’t.”

Julien furrowed her brow, “Don’t what?”

You started to pull from her “Jules c’mon! Don’t say stuff like that!”

“What do you mean?”

You sighed frustratedly, “Like couplely stuff!” You threw your hands in the air, then fell back down to the bed with a slap, “We’re not together, you make that abundantly clear when we’re with our friends!” Julien’s face dropped at that, your words hurt for a reason you didn’t know yet.

“(Y/N) wait!” Julien went to grab your arms as you slid out of bed.

“Julien, please don’t. Just let me leave. It's nice until morning right?” You sigh, tired of this constant pain of never being feeling like you were enough.

You began to get up to collect your things and leave while Julien did nothing to stop you. You walked to where your jacket sat on the back of a chair, and pulled on your Converse. You located your phone and key. You were ready to walk out the door until you heard your name.

You turned around to spot Julien making her way to you. “Wait, just a minute, please?” Her eyes pleading. You gave in, just standing in her presence waiting for her to do something- do anything. You had spent months waiting for her to do something, something to convince you that these feelings you held for her were okay, that maybe they could be reciprocated.

Julien simply stood, staring into your eyes, as if taking in every engravement in your irises, surely she had to have seen the way your pupils dilated around her? How your cheeks flushed at the mention of her name. She leaned in, hand on your cheek and pulled you in for a kiss. It left you breathless and when you pulled away you immediately left.

Your mind was warped with questions.

Your mind was full of questions, memories of Julien’s hands on you, the way her lips felt-

You finally came back to reality after you felt Phoebe kicking your leg under the table. “Earth to (Y/N)?”

You shook your head, turning to face the platinum blond “Hmm?”

“Thought we lost you there for a few minutes,” Phoebe playful punched your shoulder. As you glanced around the table you realized everyone was staring at you. Your cheeks flushed as you grabbed your drink, sticking the straw in your mouth and chewing slightly. You noticed Julien staring at you, her eyebrow turned upwards.

“What were you thinking about babe?” Katie asked, smiling at you.

You started to reply, “Nothing-”

Until you were cut off by Phoebe again, “OMG!!! Or who were you thinking about!”

With that, your eyes widened and you furiously shook your head, “Nobody! I was just zoning out!”

Lucy chimed in, “Honey, we all see the way you’ve been glowing recently!! Did you find someone?”

Jo interjected, “You have to tell us who's the lucky lady!”

“There’s no lucky lady! I just zoned out!” You looked across the table, unimpressed looks were on everyone’s faces, except Julien's. She stared at you again, like she had in the morning. Only this time it seemed like she wasn’t trying to read it, more like she was understanding you. You could tell when her brows unfurrowed and she tilted her head at you.

“Whatever you say,” Phoebe sighed. Then leaning towards you she whispered “I will find this person.” then she plastered the sweetest smile on her face.

You jokingly rolled your eyes at her before saying “Whatever you say Pheebs!” Once the normal conversation started up again you stood up, grabbed your plate, and walked around the table into the kitchen. You stood at the sink, rinsing the plates off with hot water.

You heard footsteps approach you from behind and say a plate placed on the counter next to the sink. You recognized the hand immediately and in an instant, you turned around, face to face with Julien. It seemed today that her thing was to stare at you in silence because for a minute no words were exchanged between the two of you.

Finally, after minutes of hesitation, you spoke, “Julien-”

“(Y/N)-” Julien had had the same idea as you. She motioned for you to continue speaking so speak is what you did.

“Julien, I don’t think I can keep doing this with you.”

The tattooed woman had not expected that from you, her face contorted into a look that you could only describe as horror as she frantically asked “What? Why? What-what do you mean?”

You sighed, “I can’t keep sneaking around with you, I can’t keep pretending that I don’t-” You trailed off, nervous to tell her how you truly felt.

“‘-That you don’t?” Julien asked, wanting to hear your full truth.

Finally, you mustered up the courage to just say it. “That I don’t have feelings for you. Because I do.”

Julien continued to look at you, the gears in her head racing a mile a minute.

You began to step away, ready to leave her standing in the kitchen when she grabbed your arm, pulled you close to her, and simply smiled before saying. “I feel the exact same way.”

“You do?”

“Mhm, I don’t want to keep it casual with you anymore. I want you, fully.” As Julien looked into your eyes now it almost seemed that her words conveyed that. Like she did see you fully see you truly.

And suddenly it was like you two were the only two in the whole world as you started to lean in towards her. The act was like muscle memory, your head tilted left, hers right. It was engraved into your brain. The only difference was that this time you were not blocked off by my tinted car windows, or a hotel door. The only thing that separated you from the outside world was a wall with a fairly large door cut out in it.

As your lips connected it felt different this time, the experience no longer felt foreign, it felt like home. Her lips were warm and velvety, and even though you had tasted them a thousand times, this kiss was different in a million ways. It was filled with vigor, passion, and a newfound sense of hope- like this was something that would stick, not something that would simply fade away.

Until you remembered the world was just a few steps away when a large gasp brought you to your senses. Julien and you turned around, face to face with Phoebe and Jo, who held huge grins on their faces.

As yours and Julien’s cheeks flushed Phoebe giggled and joked “Told you I’d find out who you were thinking of (Y/N)!” She and Jo ran back into the dining room, no doubt telling the whole room what they had just seen.

You turned to Julien and signed, “You think we can make a run for it?”

Julien's hands rubbed up and down your arms, soothing you. She leaned in for a quick peck and replied, “Not a chance.”

#julien baker x reader #boygenius x reader #julien baker fanfic #julien baker fluff #julien baker one shot #julien baker au #julien baker x singer!reader #muna fanfic #muna x reader #boygenius fic #boygenius au #boygenius fanfic #julien baker blurb #phoebe bridgers x reader #lucy dacus x reader #josette maskin x reader #naomi mcpherson x reader

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gingerjolover · 5 months

Note

can we prioritize jb controversially young gf pleaseeeee i vote yes

to ease y'all into it, get ya warmed up, here's a little appetizer (courtesy of my friends @boywithpinkcarnation and @ever-siince-new-york aka the loves of my life)

julien w a controversially!young gf

okay i have an (unpopular) opinion that i don't think julien would date someone controversially young not because there's something wrong with it but because she will get so existential and I feel like she would feel bad if your brain wasn't fully developed lol

however!!!! this aside, lets continue

I don't think it would be a best friends little siblings scenario or like the kid of someone on her team or the bg team

young!gf is probably a writer or an artist of some kind and julien is either a fan or is at a charity event or something similar and she meets boygenius and they all instantly love her sm

and jules and young!gf really hit it off and so julien leaves with her number but doesn't find out shes young until like 3 days later

has an absolute crisis about it, especially because she doesn't want to hurt you or change you

thinking young!gf is 20 about to be 21, like just old enough that some people will be like um??? but also you're a whole-ass adult so you can do what ya want

but julien and young!gf have a very serious convo bc they are both feeling the vibe and julien just wants a healthy, mutually beneficial, safe, and loving relationship

but anyways

lets get right to it, phoebe and lucy and MUNA love you

like the love u sm but they also love teasing julien

julien could be getting up from a chair or like be laying on the floor and phoebe is yelling "life alert" to you, a glare pushing its way onto jules's face

phoebe is the biggest instigator, always snapping photos of you both candidly and adding them to her photo dumps

I had that phoebe buys young!gf a t-shirt that says I love milfs but @boywithpinkcarnation said a shirt with I <3 cougars and its iconic honestly

phoebe will 1000% caption a photo of you sitting on jb's lap and be like "sugar daddy vibes🤑" or one of jb sitting on your lap with the caption "jb is taking babysitting wayyy too seriously" (@boywithpinkcarnation)

they all call you baby and they mean it

katie is the second biggest instigator and right after that is lucy, then nomi, then jo

katie always teases about "respect your elders"

lucy will post a very wholesome photo of the two of you but caption it "spend time and cherish your elders, they aren't around forever❤️" (straight from social queen @boywithpinkcarnation)

eventually young!gf gets into it and starts making jokes like kelli tiktok vibes (@ever-siince-new-york)

she gets asked in a day in the life vid or a live a question about jules and shes like "I'm not sure really...i just with her for the money," and julien is in the back like that interview when lucy says they're breaking up like "baby! don't say that! it's not funny!" and she's groaning coming into frame, her hand on young!gf's head, "they're gonna start to believe you, ya know?" like all sassy how jb gets🤓☝🏼

PRIVATE BUT NOT SECRET VIBEZZZZ @ever-siince-new-york, carlena said and i quote, "like they're not lovesurging on tiktok but if the paps get jb giving hickies on film... oh well😁"

they are also STOKED for you to turn 21, since most of them are sober the idea of getting you drunk is so appealing

and jb is SO protective, like already jb has her hands on young!gf all. the. time. like in the dip of her back or on her hips or hand on the back of her neck, jb is always making some type of physical contact

BUT especially in the club or at a bar

they do get freaky on her 21st bday hehe

maybe the day after bc young!gf just lets joi keep giving her shots and julien is just standing there jaw dropped because who knew their sweet baby girl was a mf tank

but lit katie, molly, kelli, jo, nomi, lucy, and phoebe LOVE you sm, like yes you're young and everyone is pushing or already 30 but young!gf is so profound and mature but not in a way that's not acting her age, she just has a very old soul and enjoys rest and knows what she likes and what she wants

and julien loooooves this, like jules doesn't want to groom you and mold you into something you're not, she wants you to act your age and like she doesn't isolate you or make you act 28 because everyone is around that age. like she fully supports if you wanna go out and party or like do something kinda childish or if you wanted to stress about school or be homesick, julien lets you just vibe and doesn't pressure you to grow up faster, she truly just wants you to grow up without the age gap looming over you

back to the daddy!jb antics, without infantalizing you, jb handles ALL of the "adult stuff" like y'all def split bills if you live together but she manages all of the subscriptions and pays all of the utilities and makes sure your car has gas and is always maintained like takes it to get inspected and stuff

if young!gf is in school than that's your biggest priority in jb's eyes, like yes focus on school or your work and then when you graduate we'll start to divvy up the household stuff

jb just loves to care for you, like she always has an extra hair tie on her wrist and its your scrunchie like the one you love

before you live together, jb is stocking her house w your stuff to make you comfy

your fave snacks are in the kitchen, your fave drinks in the fridge

jb buys a full size of your fave perfume and body wash, she has you pick out pajamas for her dresser and puts a jewelry holder on her dresser just for you (@ever-siince-new-york 🥹)

if you're in school, jb def has a desk set up in her office or music room and its one she built and it has cute pens and stationary and a pretty keyboard and a comfy chair where you can cross your legs and then under it is built in storage for some of your books and crocheting/knitting/crafting stuff

when you move in, jb designs (w the help of lucy and Katie) your own office where you can write and paint and it has the best sunlight in the whole house

julien also gets really anxious leaving you at home, not because you're not capable but she grows so attached and is like "you'll be a different person when i come back:("

always sending flowers and dinner and gifts while on the road (@ever-siince-new-york)

not smut but smut adjacent

julien is sooooo nervous to have sex w young!gf

maybe she hasn't done it before or julien just feels a lot of pressure to take care of her

and she has to be like "do you not like me?" kinda insecurely because julien is treating her like shes glass

and jb is like "oh my god sweet girl, no no no, i- of course i- i love you!"

and she's like "you WHAT??"

#anon cutie #take a sip of da juice #small sip #julien baker x reader #julien baker x young!gf #fic coming soon!#ALSO MY KIDNEYS AND BLADDER ARE CLEAR #fuck u matty healy

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concreteburialplot · 1 month

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New series:

Cool About It

Meet: Amelia Alastor

Pairing: Noah Sebastian x OFC

A/N; I began writing this in December because it was meant to be a light, fluffy, hallmark-y one shot but the more I wrote the more it begged to be a sadder longer, more involved fic. I kept going back and forth between just scrapping it but ultimately I chose to continue. To not derail the original framework of the plot, I’ve decided to keep the holiday setting so… just roll with it & enjoy christmas in the spring ig 😅

Summary: When Noah comes home for the holidays with Nicholas, he runs into an old friend. While catching up, they fall back into the shoes of the children they used to be. Amelia quickly realizes that even after nearly 10 years apart, she still knows Noah like the back of her hand. Their reunion raises questions about Noah’s abrupt and secretive disappearance at 16.

Themes/warnings; childhood friends to lovers, ‘I know you better than anyone else’, hallmark-y? kinda?, [AU] family/childhood trauma, eventual smut, and as always, incredibly sad lol, 18+ MDNI

Disclaimer: this is an au that follows no actual timelines/events, and uses oc's for family members.

Comment if you’d like to be tagged❄️☕️

chapters with smut with have a *

CHAPTERS:

-> 01 - Breaking & Entering

#i’m very excited to finally put this out :)#this post will become the masterlist #will prob be a shorter series compared to my other ones<3 #i know me writing noah only is so scandalous #new series #concreteburialplot works #WIP #bad omens fic #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fic #bad omens fanfic #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian fanfic #bad omens rpf #noah sebastian x ofc #noah sebastian rpf #noah sebastian x oc #Spotify

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just-a-torn-up-masterpiece · 11 months

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true blue

masterlist | boygenius masterlist

natasha romanoff x fem!reader

'and it feels good to be known so well, i can't hide from you like i hide from myself' 'i remember who i am when i'm with you'

angst; mentions of blood and violence, low self worth, villainisation of oneself, fluff; friends to lovers, a little kissy kiss, an attempt at natasha's redemption albeit a slightly shoddy one, probably too much dialogue - happy ending

You couldn’t bring yourself to look in a mirror, to see the broken monster that had been forged; molded out of an empty human. Pliable and bent to the will of sadistic puppeteers.

You looked out at the lake before you, fingers picking at the grass you sat upon with nobody but yourself. With the sound of birds and your own breathing, the faint scent of metal and sweat still clinging to you. You’d headed straight here on your return, not brave enough to stomach the sight of your clothes, the looks from your teammates, the memory of the day.

You’d hurt them. On purpose. Something you vowed to never do again. One threat against your team’s safety and you were back to who you were, that toy soldier made to hunt for blood. It was like riding a bike. It was sardonic how something so gentle could be compared to something so horrific. As if the pedaling of feet could somehow be likened to the memory of muscles wielding weapons, delivering fatal blows as you watched with pleasure as life drained from enemy eyes.

It makes you sick how you don’t regret it; you’d do it again to protect those you’d grown to care about. ‘Once a monster, always a monster’ you thought.

“You gonna sit out here brooding all night?” Natasha murmured as she approached you, taking a seat beside you on the grass with her legs out in front of her and her shoulder nudging into yours.

She watched as you shrugged and how you looked at your hands in your lap, still decorated with red, grime beneath your nails. She saw the disgust you observed them with. She knew this feeling all too well.

You flinched at the touch to your cheek, a gentleness you didn’t deserve. You hadn’t even realised a bruise was forming, that a cut had dried with blood. You probably deserved it.

Natasha knew you too well, well enough to bring a wipe with her to clean it up. She said nothing when you hissed at the sting, nor at the welling of tears in your eyes. At the tremble of your bottom lip or the shaking of your inhaled breaths.

“When I started at Shield all I could focus on was all the red in my ledger. I was fixated on righting all the wrongs, washing my hands clean of all the blood I’d spilled - the pain I’d caused.” Natasha spoke.

“Nat, you don’t have to talk about this- I know you don’t like to I-”

“Would you let me finish?” she huffed, smiling at your laugh as she finished up cleaning your wound. “And all of that guilt ate away at me for so so long. Years and years of torment from my past. Until you.”

Your gaze shot towards her at that, eyeing her sincerity and the honesty of her lips.

“I think that, whether we like it or not, change in ourselves is inevitable. That day I met you I felt myself begin to change again - I saw myself in you, something I’d never seen in anyone else. And in some twisted act of fate, you became my best friend.”

You tried to pull your hand away when her fingers brushed against the skin, but a defiant grasp kept you still. She didn’t care that your hands weren’t clean. She only cared about you.

“When I changed for the better I thought it’d be the only time. I thought that was it for me, I’d turned my life around to be something I could control and although I’d spend my time working with my guilt, it was better than before. I settled for that change.” She explained, mindlessly playing with your fingers with hers while you intently watched her face. “But when you came along I felt it shift again.”

“I finally realised that the good that people saw in me - despite me only seeing the darkness - really did exist. Because I saw it in you - I do see it in you.”

“I could never be as good as you,” you breathed.

“You already are.” she insisted. “Listen, change isn’t gonna happen overnight. It isn’t gonna be linear. There’ll be days like today where you feel like you’re this hideous monster. But through helping you, I helped myself. I can see now that we are not what they made us into.”

“Sometimes I don’t even know who I am. I used to be unburdened by this itching, aching feeling - constantly second-guessing every move I make. I used to be happy, I’m sure. I think. I’ll never be that me again.”

“C’mere.” She answered, standing up and pulling you along with her.

“If you’re about to push me into the lake, please don’t”

“Not today.” Natasha laughed as she pulled you to sit next to her again, this time on the bank of the lake, so close you could see each wind-made ripple on the water. “This is who you are,” she spoke, gesturing towards the reflection of your faces in the clear water beneath you.

“I can’t-” you began with a shake of your head. Your voice betrayed you with a crack and a tightness in your throat. All that you saw was evil.

“Alright. Look at me then. What do you see?”

“I see- I see a hero. I see someone strong, who’s overcome more than anyone should have to. Somebody who defied all those who made her doubt herself - who made her feel like anything other than selfless and brave.”

“Y’know what?”

“Hm?”

“I believe you.” You couldn’t help but return her smile. She always would trust anything you’d say, how couldn’t she? And she would never lie to you. She truly had felt herself grow with you around, because how could she call herself a monster when she so desperately pleaded with you to see yourself as anything but?

You dared a glance at the water, the light waves upon the surface gently distorting the image peering back at you. Natasha’s face was displayed beside yours, auburn hair shining in the sun, her lips resting in a light smile and her hand entwining with yours.

“And when I look at you, I see the same. If I can be a hero, so can you. If I’m selfless then you are too.” She murmured, guiding your hand with hers to brush against the coolness of the water, letting it flow beneath your touch. “You are in control now, no one else. See how easily you can change for the better?” She added, swiping across the blood on your skin to let the water wash it clean. “You can be whoever you want to be.”

“Are you sure?” you whispered in return and her heart squeezed at the uncertain smallness of your voice. And she saw the way you looked at your face with disdain, at the mark left behind as just another reminder of the violence you let take over your body.

“I see your scars. I see your pain. I see how it all makes you that much more perfect,” she uttered. You saw her head turn to look at you and you allowed her to study each vulnerable line and contour, each thick swallow in your neck and lick of your tongue across cracked lips. “I see your eyes and how soft they are. I see the way you smile whenever you laugh and how you look anywhere but my eyes when I pay you a compliment. I see you. The real you.”

You let yourself look at her, this perfect sight. A hand brushing her own hair behind her ear, cheeks tinted a shade of pink you’d not seen before. A rosy hue of embarrassment along with a nervous clearing of her throat.

“And, um, overall, what I see the most is the woman that - despite the annoying way you talk during movies and the way you somehow always finish my peanut butter-”

“I thought you were meant to be making me feel better,” you pouted. She laughed at your faux frown and cupped your cheek in her palm with the pad of her thumb stroking over your skin in a way that makes your skin flush with heat and your heart pound in your chest.

“I look at you and see the woman that I love. And if you don’t feel the same then that’s fine but you’ll have to be the one dragging me out of that lake becau-”

You cut her off with a kiss. The melding of your lips with hers, tasting sweetened coffee on her tongue, and reveling in the way your hand felt like it was at home on the back of her neck. It was all too much. These feelings, this day, this great big, all-encompassing love that she breathed into you. You couldn’t stop the tear that rolled down your face, you could only let her wipe it away with the softest smile tugging at her lips.

“Let me help you get cleaned up, moye serdste.”

мое сердце; my heart

#natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #natasha romonova #natasha romanoff fluff #natasha romanoff fanfic

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