#buck is alive and eddie can breathe again

[butraura]

It’s the way that when Buck told Eddie that he and Natalia broke up, Eddie said, “welcome back to the world of the living, Buck; you were missed.” It’s the way that at the graveyard, Eddie said, “to be honest, you haven’t been the same since [the lightning strike] happened… but how could you be?” It’s the way that, to Eddie, Buck died for 3 minutes and 17 seconds, but he never came back to life. It’s the way that when Buck said he broke up with Natalia because all she wanted to talk about was death, Eddie saw the light in Buck that he hadn’t seen since before he was struck. It’s the way he missed the Buck he was before he died, but didn’t push him. The way he said, “you don’t have to be anything for anybody,” when Buck said he felt that he had to try to be the “same old” guy he was before the lightning. The way that even though Eddie did miss the old Buck, and he did want to be there for him, he gave him the space he needed to heal, even if it meant healing with Natalia. It’s the way that, when Buck told him that he broke up with Natalia, he raised an eyebrow and immediately welcomed him back. In that moment, Buck was alive again and Eddie had him back. It's the way he loved Buck back to life. It’s the way Eddie loves him to his core.

#I'm not okay actually #thank you for asking #eddie is so in love with Buck it's unreal #buck is alive and eddie can breathe again #he missed his best guy #the love of his life #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buck x eddie #911 #buddie #spoilers #7x01 #rambling

[virahaus]

Okay so I'm gonna say this cause I've just seen another post reiterating this narrative and I simply cannot comprehend the way people are going out of their way to make Tommy a villain when he's NOT.

First of all, the much discussed date.

It was clear that before Eddie and Marisol showed up Tommy was totally fine with Buck being a bit of a clueless baby bi and did not put it against him. He didn't say anything snarky to him, nor he questioned him being out or not, he teased and flirted with him even after the whole "I'm an ally" speech, which kudos to my man cause I couldn't have taken my date seriously if they said something like that.

It's clear that Tommy only took issues with the way the date was going after Buck made the horrible decision to say that they are going to pick up "hot chicks" and play it up like that.

Now, I don't think the issue here is Buck not saying he's on a date with him. It's clear by the way the dialogue has been constructed with all the hints about closet space and by Tommy's snarky line (which again VALID. He was not outing Buck. He was not trying in the slightest to do so. Eddie and Marisol are talking about closet space as in FURNITURE. To that for Eddie to take a leap and think that the closet is something more than it is, is frankly ridiculous. We know the double meaning because we are the audience. It's a joke for US, and for Buck only, not for Eddie who by the way was also clueless about Tommy's own sexuality);

The real problem was that Buck also shoved Tommy back in the closet. I don't think Tommy wanted Buck to announce there and there that they were on a date, especially after the whole convo and questions about being out in the workplace. It's an obvious hint to the fact that Buck is not out and it's reinforced by Buck also telling him that it's his first date with a dude. Season 7 Tommy hasn't been shown to be stupid or insensitive so it's obvious that he would have read between the lines.

So, it's clear that the issue here is that Tommy did not want to be shoved back into the closet, especially after years of unlearning bad behaviour and the journey to accept the fact he's gay. He doesn't offer it but he also doesn't want to be shoved back into a position where he has to deny he's gay. Which again, is super valid of him.

The moment most people try to use against Tommy is the fact that he cut off their date and left Buck alone outside the restaurant, which... Tommy had all the right to cut short their date. He was uncomfortable with how things were going and so he cut his losses. He's not rude or disrespectful, he even reiterates how he thinks Buck is adorable and in the same breath he also establishes his limits. Again, fair.

But some of y'all are acting as if he left Buck alone in the middle of the desert, not in fucking LA where Buck can call a cab anytime and go back home easily. Buck is not a kid, he's a grown ass man and can very well go back home alone. He's not drunk, nor under substance, he's not injured and he certainly can use his phone and call a cab.

You all have a thing about seeing Buck as completely incompetent, helpless and unable to take care of himself, and I must remind you that he's the same person who got out of his parents house and immediately took off and did a tour of the Americas, managed to live on his own, and was healthy and alive when he got to LA in season 1.

So you might want to remember that.

Another thing you all like to dangle over Tommy like "gotcha" kinda moment is the fact that in his past he was an asshole to Chin and Hen, some almost 10 years before what is being shown on screen now. It's clear that he's friends with Chim still and even if he did not keep in touch with Hen there's no animosity there either. In the flashback where he leaves the 118 Hen is the one to shove him face first into a cake. Do you think he would have taken it so well had they not been friendly? Or that Hen would have done that if she didn't think she could do so? It's already established in the flashbacks that they have worked through their issues and for you to demand Hen or Chim to be hostile with him rn or that he needs to "work for their friendship" it's simply madness.

The flashbacks already established him as having changed and being friends with both them and Bobby, since there's also a scene of them going out to a bar together and they all have fun together. For you to demand more without also having a Tommy Begins episode it's frankly ridiculous. He's not that important in Chim or Hen's lives as of now to need a further explanation but "they resolved their issues and there's that". And he was not obligated to come out to Hen at any time. You do not owe your sexuality to anyone.

Anyway. There's that. My big rant for some of the things I've seen since the break. If y'all liked this I might do more dissertations of the other out of pocket takes I've seen around. And my ask is also open if you want to ask my opinion on something

#tommy kinard #evan buckley #bucktommy #tevan #henrietta wilson #chimney han #howard chimney han #evan buck buckely #911 abc #911 fandom #911 show #911 spoilers #911 season 7 #hen wilson #eddie diaz #my post #911 speculation #911 #911 spec #911 s7

[girls-online]

eddie correcting her and saying Three Minutes And Seventeen Seconds is killing me—every second meant something. he immediately resists those seconds being reduced or belittled, as if he didn’t know each one of them as intimately as the 180 that preceded them, that can be so neatly wrapped up in what sounds so small from far away—just three minutes.

eddie knew the world without buck for 197 seconds. to say anything else, to say three minutes, is to pretend some of those don’t matter. like time without buck alive and breathing isn’t the most offensive obscenity. 197 seconds. one hundred and ninety seven seconds. that’s how long it takes for the world to end and begin again. three minutes and seventeen seconds.

#i am so melodramatic but i am so sick #911onfox #buddie #911 buddie #evan buck buckely #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buck x eddie #911 fox #buddie fic #911 spoilers #911 fic #911 on fox #911 speculation

[loserdiaz]

i've seen a lot of ppl talking about buck and eddie both getting knocked out during the storm and eddie wakes up relatively quickly in the hospital and the firefam's there and he sees that buck is missing and is like "oh and buck is with chris right? where is he?" and the others just look at each other not knowing how to tell him that buck's in a coma and i just—

can you just imagine tho, eddie in that hospital bed and he can't get up and even when he tries bobby and chim and hen are there to stop him and no one would tell him really what the hell happened except that buck is in a fucking coma and all they can do is wait.

and eddie just wants to see him, make sure he's alive and that he still exists bc most days buck feels like a pipe dream, something too good to be true and eddie's losing his mind.

and then—

it's late at night and his hospital room is so quiet, hen is in a chair next to his bed and she's sleeping and eddie loves her but all he can think about is that usually is another person who sits next to eddie's bed when he's hurt, another person who holds his hand and reassures him he'll take care of chris while eddie can't.

the tv is a soft, barely there background noise as it casts a dim light over the room, but when he looks up it's the news are playing back what happened earlier and he sees the moment the lightning strikes, sees the moment eddie himself almost falls... sees buck falling from the ladder truck and hitting his head against the side—

"buck" he gasps without even realizing, the name falling from his lips like a plea, like a prayer begging to be heard.

"buck." eddie chokes out as his mind replays the fall in slow motion.

eddie was supposed to have buck's back. eddie was supposed to save him.

hen wakes up and eddie quickly realizes he's hyperventilating, struggling to take a deep breath and tears are streaming down his face with no way to stop them.

he's having a panic attack. he hasn't had one of those in a long time, eddie thinks almost absentmindedly.

"eddie hey, it's okay." hen redts a hand on his shoulder and tries to calm him down but it doesn't feel right— her hand is too heavy on eddie's shoulder, and it's not the right side. It's too soft, too—

It's no buck's.

"i need to see him." he manages to blurt out the in between gasps. "hen, let me see him. please." he begs and his voice is shaky and breaking by the last word. it sounds pathetic and desperate even to his own ears but eddie can't bring himself to care at that moment.

his heart is beating too fast, unforgiving against his ribcage, his hands are trembling and eddie—

he just needs to see him.

it takes a while and the nurses are definitely not happy with himself— once again, eddie doesn't have it in him to care.

especially when he's put in a wheelchair (he doesn't need it but he's picking his battles carefully right now) and taken to see buck.

his hospital room is a lot like eddie's but maddie is sprawled on the chair next to the bef, with red puffy eyes and hair a mess.

she looks exactly like how eddie feels inside, if he's being honest, and for a moment he feels a kind of weird keenship to her.

they both would do anything for buck. they both hate to see buck hurt.

"i'll give you some time with him." she smiles tiredly and then she's living the room along with hen and the nurse who wheeled him in.

eddie swallows hard and reaches out for buck, his hand immediately resting against buck's...

buck's hand is cold to the touch, when usually it would be warm.

it's still, when usually it would be squeezing eddie's right back.

it's pale and small against the sheets and eddie feels like he might throw up.

"please wake up." he whispers, but in the quiet of the room it sounds loud and oh so desperate. "please don't leave me."

and eddie— there's so many words he needs, wants to say. so many things he needs to get out, so many things he needs buck to hear...

but for now they stay lodge inside his chest.

for now, he keeps them to himself but he hopes he'll have the chance to say them out loud someday.

he hopes buck will want to hear them.

#a little spec ficlet??? idk #i woke up from a nap and next thing i know i was writing this??? #coma buck #i guess im more of a coma buck truther than i thought #eddie diaz #evan buckley #evan buck buckley #buck x eddie #buddie #buddie fic #buddie ficlet #buddie drabble #911 season 6 #911 s6 #911 6b #911 spec fic #911 speculation #911 fic #911 ficlet #911onabc #911 on fox #april writes #my writing

[tripleaxeldiaz]

I haven't had real free time to write in like 10 months, but now i almost do, and i forgot i was writing this in february and idk if i'll ever finish it so here's what i have of it so far secondary title is "eddie pines harder than a douglas fir"

It happens quickly. That’s what scares Eddie the most.

One minute he’s in his truck, Chris in the backseat, all their worldly possessions secured in the bed, whizzing past a “Welcome to California!” sign in search of something better than what they left in the rearview mirror.

He blinks, and he’s in the locker room of Station 118, fresh out of the academy, being greeted by smiling faces and one blonde haired, blue eyed sneer. 

He blinks again, the sneer has softened into an easy grin, and he and Buck work together like they were built for it, like their lives were always going to bring them to a place where they would be running into smoldering, crumbling buildings side by side. Buck drives him and Chris home after the earthquake, and Eddie struggles to remember the last time anything felt this easy.

Blink

Shannon is back. Any ease he found evaporates, and the walls he built around his feelings for her come crumbling down in her wake.

Blink

He’s in the back of an ambulance feeling her pulse stop under his fingertips.

Blink

He’s off probation, surrounded by friends and family applauding his accomplishment. He’s grinning on the outside, but inside he’s still a mess of grief and guilt. He wants to be as proud of himself as his parents claim they are, wants to stop seeing Shannon on the gurney every time he closes his eyes, wants to be happy, wants peace, wants, wants, wants —

Buck’s laugh erupts from across the room, still loud and free flowing despite the month he’s had, and Eddie wants so hard it almost takes him out at the knees. It’s like time stops, the flurry of actions and emotions constantly trying to engulf him comes to a brief standstill, and as the sound of Buck’s joy washes over him, he feels like he can breathe for the first time in months. Everything seems clearer, Buck’s smile is making the room even brighter, and Eddie thinks he might—

No. It’s too soon. Way too soon.

Isn’t it?

It took him over a year to feel it with Shannon, even though he said he did much earlier. Danny Miller was his best friend for five years before he started feeling that swoop in his stomach that was decidedly beyond friendship. And he and Buck are just friends — best friends, he’d argue, but just friends all the same. Buck has a girlfriend, Eddie just became a widower, and there’s so much going on in his head that everything’s getting shuffled and confused and firing off in all the wrong directions.

Because there’s no way. There’s just no way.

And even if there is a way (which there isn’t), Eddie would rather go through basic training in the sticky heat at Fort Benning all over again than ruin his friendship with Buck. That is something they can build to last, that is what the two of them need the most from each other.

That is something that Eddie cannot screw up.

The other thing, which Eddie refuses to name because there’s just no way, has already shattered his and Chris’s world once. He won’t let those pieces break again.

So he does what he does best — he takes every unnerving, premature feeling he has, squashes it into a box in his head labeled Do No Open Ever for Any Reason and shoves it as far away as he possibly can. Just in time, too, because he blinks one last time and Buck is in front of him, backlit by sunshine like a goddamn angel, whole and safe and alive. His smile is even brighter up close, and Eddie feels himself pulled toward him like second nature, like he really is the sun and Eddie’s helpless to do anything but fall into his orbit until they’re both taken out in a supernova. 

He worries that that box may not be sturdy enough to contain all that light and energy.

He lets himself sink a little further into the hug anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey Dad?”

Chris is squished against his side, the lights from the TV flashing across his face and reflecting in his glasses. Eddie had been a mess of emotions all day, but he’d just about cracked completely when Chris voluntarily left the pinball machine to join Eddie in an armchair and watch The Year Without a Santa Claus like they do every Christmas. It used to be easy — Chris cocooned in his lap, tucked safely under his chin — but this year feels like the first year Eddie’s really noticed how big Chris is, all lanky limbs and hardly any space to put them in an armchair meant for one, not a grown man and a constantly growing boy.

It’s a tight fit now, and Eddie can feel pins and needles start to creep up his arm, but he couldn’t care less. He’ll let every part of his body go numb if it means his kid will want to keep sitting with him.

He shifts a bit, looking down at Chris “Yeah bud?”

“Can we do Christmas here again next year?”

Eddie wraps his arm around Chris a little tighter. “I think we’ll probably be at home next year, but I’m sure we can pop by and visit.”

“Okay,” Chris says, content for barely a minute before he asks, “Will Buck be at home with us too?”

It’s shocking, really, that Chris doesn’t feel how hard Eddie’s heart lurches where his head is laid on his chest. 

And of course, because the universe loves making his life harder, Buck looks up at them from across the loft at that exact moment, a crooked grin to match his crooked Santa hat, and waves before taking his turn at the pool table. Pair that with the wave of gratitude that hits him as Chris waves back, and he feels like he’s in his own damn Christmas movie, mistletoe and twinkle lights and everything.

He is grateful to Buck, though. So grateful he’s worried he’ll never be able to express it properly no matter how hard he tries. And not just for keeping Chris safe, or for wading through water and blood to find him, but for everything he did after too. Dinners brought over or made in their kitchen. Hours of board games and video games. Movie nights with buttery popcorn and every blanket they owned piled up on the couch. It was hard at first — there were days when Chris didn’t want to talk to either of them, where Buck’s smile wouldn’t quite reach his eyes, where all Eddie could hear when he looked at Buck was the crack in his voice when he swore that he tried. 

Eddie knows he tried. He knows he ran himself into the ground trying to bring Chris back to him, and he knows he would do it again with no hesitation if he needed to. 

It all makes Eddie—

—appreciate—

—Buck, more than he ever thought he could—

—appreciate—

—another person. 

And it’s enough to make staticky fear prickle in his chest when he remembers that one day — potentially any day now — Buck will find someone who appreciates him in every way he deserves, and Eddie will get another harsh reminder from the universe that somethings are just not meant for him.

But it’s Christmas, and as both Chris and the Grinch like to remind him, there are no sad faces on Christmas. So for today, he can let himself watch Buck play pool and…appreciate. Appreciate Buck’s biceps that can hit cue balls dead on and wrap Chris in a hug on a particularly bad day, the lean lines of his back carry the weight of so much more than Eddie wants them to, the blush settled high on his cheekbones that looks good enough to—

“Dad. Are you listening to me?”

Eddie does not jump at Chris’ voice.

At least not very high. 

“Sorry, what did you say?”

Chris rolls his eyes so dramatically it makes Eddie want to laugh and cry all at the same time. “I said will Buck be at home with us on Christmas next year?”

The universe once again laughs in his face as Buck bounds towards them, cutting through the loft to greet Maddie and Chim at the top of the stairs. As he passes behind their chair, he squeezes Eddie’s shoulder, fingers brushing along the back of his neck before ruffling Chris’s hair. It’s small and easy, but it turns Eddie to jelly as he pictures a lifetime of warm touches and warmer smiles and a life full of—

Chris waves his hand in front of his face, still waiting for his answer.

Eddie has got to reel in his…appreciation-struck imagination.

“I hope he is, bud,” he says finally, resting his chin on top of Chris’s head and not staring longingly at Buck’s back. “I really hope he is.”

~~~~~~~~~~

It never gets easier, getting shot. It’s not a sensation your body can get used to that will eventually filter to the back of your mind. It’s a miracle that the human body can come out on the other side — if it comes out on the other side — and forget the excruciating, all-consuming pain that is lead ripping through flesh and muscle and bone at 1,700 miles per hour.

Eddie’s already lived through that pain once — he thought he left the chances of it happening again 7,000 miles and a lifetime away.

But here he is, on a sunny L.A. boulevard, his shoulder burning white hot in a way that is somehow familiar and brand new all at the same time.

He hits the ground, and it’s asphalt instead of sand. He looks ahead of him and sees Buck in his civvies instead of Mills in her fatigues.

Nothing makes sense.

Everything hurts.

(to be continued maybe idk)

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #ficcery #i actually don't hate it now that i'm reading it back so maybe it will get finished!!

[try-set-me-on-fire]

Bed hair for the soft prompts if it inspires :3

@zahlibeth also asked for this one! On ao3 here!

It's easy to rely on habit in times of crisis. It’s been a long while since Athena has been put on security detail but her body still sinks into it, easy. Think of a grocery list, or a mediocre book you read, or try to remember all the rules of Risk — something to keep you from inattentive boredom, but not something so engaging you’ll be distracted. Feet a little apart, legs stiff but not locked, settle into your own bones because you’ll be here awhile.

It’s wrong, though, because if she were actually working she’d be in uniform, and she’d be by the door facing out instead of across the hall looking in, and she’d never be assigned to this room. She isn’t a doctor, there aren’t any hard and fast rules about family members, but any captain worth a damn would bench her for being too close to the situation to keep a clear head.

In the room, Eddie Diaz sets a plastic grocery store bag down on Evan Buckley’s bed. Buck shifts his thigh just a little to make room for it, gazing up at his friend with a smile that Athena can’t quite manage to look at without hurting. Every smile on that boy’s face since he woke up has hurt, for reasons Athena can’t quite explain to herself. Bobby has been shaking with relief, giddy with it, grinning down at the kid in awe whenever he’s in the room. Maybe that’s it; while Buck was unconscious she was needed as a rock, she had to be the solid foundation everyone could build themselves around. It’s okay now. Buck is awake — alive — and still sore, still not well, but he’s going to be okay. They can all relax. But here she is, standing guard, because everyone is alright and she can take her turn giving into paranoia and catastrophe.

She doesn’t think that’s quite it, though. It’s… she’s having trouble with the timeline. The facts of the case don’t feel like they’re adding up right, though she knows they’re true. Sunday afternoon: Evan Buckley was at the home of Robert Nash and Athena Grant. He was there for lunch. He sat at the kitchen table and he laughed, and he smiled. Monday night: Evan Buckley, in the regular course of his job, climbed a ladder to aid in putting out a fire in an apartment building. He was struck by lightning, and he died. Bobby, the one time she convinced him to come home and sleep in a bed, wept that he had again held the body of his son. Thursday morning: After four days in a coma fighting organ failure and other yet unknown effects of being hit by 300 million volts of electricity, Evan Buckley woke up. He woke up. He laughed with his father, with the rest of his family. He smiled, bright as he always has.

He smiled, he died, he’s smiling again. That’s what happened, indisputable, but each part of it feels wrong, feels tainted by the central event. How could he have smiled so happily on Sunday, when that was going to happen the next day? How can he smile so happily now that it has? He was in her house. She shouldn’t have let him leave.

“Alright,” Eddie says, pulling wet wipes, a spray bottle, various other things out of the bag. “I’m not gonna lie to you; after a few days of this your hair is going to feel as disgusting as it does now just in new and exciting ways, but hopefully by then you’ll be home. Or- at least they’ll let you take a real shower.”

Buck laughs, running a finger over the spines of a hair brush. “Dude, anything will be better than this. I feel like I’m made of grease.” He reaches a hand up — to run it through his limp hair, maybe — but winces and lowers it carefully again. Athena holds her breath yards away as Eddie freezes, minutely, just a tiny second of stillness before he’s smiling and opening the wipes.

“Well,” Eddie says, voice just as cheerful as before, “Luckily for you I am a master of the unsatisfying hospital hair cleaning routine.”

Buck almost giggles, shoulders wiggling like the way a child laughs. “Oh, please, show me your ways.”

Eddie holds up the wipe first. “Sorry this smells so flowery, but it’s the wettest brand of wipes I‘ve found.” He starts to hand the damp square to Buck, but hesitates. “Uh- I was going to let you- but it’ll be uncomfortable for- do you want me to just…”

“Sure,” Buck smiles. “I trust you.”

Eddie only made it in the room once while Buck was out, as far as Athena is aware. He’d haunted the hall like a ghost or a watchdog, though she supposes she’s not really one to talk while she’s posted out here. She watches as he directs Buck to scoot closer and stands as far to the back of the bed as he can get so he’s sort of behind Buck. She wonders if he’ll hesitate to touch him. She did. Since he woke up nearly 24 hours ago she has put a hand on his shoulder, once. It had been warm. He’d been moving, a little, half dead and even then unable to keep still. Eddie squeezes the wipe above Buck’s head, dripping faintly floral dampness, and then starts moving the cloth around his curls, and he doesn’t hesitate at all. Athena breathes in and out. Not half dead, she reminds herself. Mostly living.

Buck isn’t moving much now. He looks utterly relaxed as Eddie cleans away days of hospital grime. The man is so gentle about it, movements incredibly soft and slow, a hand supporting Buck’s head any time he needs to reposition to get at a new spot. She’d assumed this is a trick he’d learned after getting shot, but wonders now if this is an older skill, perfected on his child’s curls after any of Christopher’s hospital stays.

“Alright,” Eddie says, several discarded wipes later. He sets the last one on the mattress with a little flourish. “Step one complete.”

Buck opens eyes that drifted shut at some point, laughing quietly. “God, I feel better already.”

“Well, now it’s time for detangling, so don’t be too happy with me yet.”

Buck snorts, gingerly passing back the hair brush. “I’ll be brave, do your worst.”

Buck can’t see Eddie’s face with the way he’s standing, but Athena has a clear view. Sort of sad, kind of frightened. Athena is suddenly sure that he’s only ever going to do his absolute best for the man in the bed before him. “Okay,” he says, a warning before he starts, and she’s surprised that his voice doesn’t shake.

He begins with his fingers, pulling them so very carefully through the knotted strands, and it’s so intimate that Athena looks away on instinct. She counts all the chairs she can see in the waiting room, she reads all the signs on the walls. She doesn’t look in the room again until Buck speaks.

“Thank you.” He’s looking up at Eddie, neck craned as he tilts his head back, and she knows all the jokes about our Buckaroo, resident golden retriever, but it makes her think of a cat she had when she was younger. The tiny thing would plaster herself to your side and lean her head back up against you, so much love in her gaze you couldn’t help but smile back. Eddie smiles back, now.

“It’s no problem, Buck.”

“I can still thank you,” Buck says as Eddie leans over him to grab the spray bottle. Dry shampoo. He mists Buck’s head with it, ruffling his hair to get it evenly coated. “It’s polite.”

Eddie laughs, and Athena hadn’t realized his laughter before had been a little muted. “You don’t have to be polite to me.”

Buck grins. “Fine. Gel me up, peon.”

Eddie laughs again, loud and cackly, as he grabs the last tub from the bag. “Yes, sir. I got a pomade, it’s a little lighter than your normal stuff so hopefully the build up won’t feel so bad.”

“Okay.”

Eddie moves so he can see Buck’s face again, working the product into his hair and doing some light styling. The pomade doesn’t have much hold, his curls remain more prominent than they usually are, but he looks cleaner, a little neater, and definitely happier once Eddie is finished.

“There you are.” Eddie says, sitting back down in the chair pulled up to Buck’s bedside. He raises a pointed eyebrow, lips curved into a smirk. “Remember to leave a five star yelp review.”

Buck throws his head back in laughter, and Eddie sways forward into the orbit of it. The look on his face is- he’s lovestruck. She’d wondered about that — with more and more frequency lately, every story from Buck starting and ending with the other man — but she doesn’t know Eddie as well as some of the others on Bobby’s team and hadn’t wanted to assume. There is no doubt, though, looking at him now. Strangely, it makes Athena feel a little better. She definitely hadn’t known Eddie when his wife had passed but she knows it happened. She remembers Emmet, thinks of Marcy. Michael, and then Bobby. Buck and Eddie. The timeline — smiles, death, smiling again — is one she knows, after all, just in a different context, on a longer timeline.

When Buck leans forward again after his guffaw Eddie hasn’t moved back, so they end up very close to each other, matching grins reflecting between them. Eddie spots a bit of product near Buck’s temple and reaches up with a thumb to wipe it away, and it’s such a casual gesture until, suddenly, Eddie’s breath catches in his throat. When he falls apart he does it with a swift efficiency that something in Athena admires. His face shatters, his whole body slumps forward like a puppet with cut strings, a sob rattles up out of him with no preamble.

Buck’s eyes are wide, but he doesn’t necessarily look surprised. “Oh, Eddie…” he breathes, leaning even closer on his pillow.

“S-sorry,” Eddie gasps, scrubbing at his face like the touch of his palm will put him back together, sucking in air to try and stop the weeping. “Sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for?” Buck’s tone is so gentle, so patient. Athena realizes she still thinks of him as a kid — a fool kid much of the time — but he doesn’t seem so young as he rests a calm hand on Eddie’s arm.

“For- I- I shouldn’t fall apart like this.”

“Why not?” Buck asks, laughing just a little. “You know I was a mess when you- it’s fine, Eds.”

“But-“

“You want me to forgive you?” Buck asks, eyebrows raised, a look on his face like he’d wanted the same, once. “I will. You’re forgiven.”

“I couldn’t- I couldn’t-“ Eddie takes a few more shuddering breaths and Buck just waits him out. “I couldn’t come in here. You were in here and I couldn’t- I left you alone.”

“I forgive you,” Buck says, easy as anything. Eddie’s face pinches up again, and he shakes his head sort of desperately even as Buck’s hand soothes up and down between wrist and elbow.

“I broke your ribs,” he says, voice cracking like the bones must have under his frantic compressions.

Buck’s free hand travels to his chest, and his fingers tap a little heartbeat rhythm there. “I forgive you, Eddie.”

“I love you,” Eddie says, in a voice Athena has heard in interrogation rooms and the priest’s box after Sunday mass. Buck’s inhale can’t be very loud, but she hears it all the way from the hall.

“I’m not forgiving you for that,” he says, a little winded but very firm. He sits up in his bed, ignoring Eddie’s worried hands hovering around him as he puts his own on either side of Eddie’s face. “I’m not- please, don’t apologize for that.”

“Sorry- I- I mean-“ Eddie smiles like he can’t help it as Buck’s gentle amused huff hits his face, even as tears still stream across his skin. “I won’t. I just wish I’d told you sooner.”

“You can tell me now,” Buck says, sliding a thumb over Eddie’s wet cheek. “Again. You can tell me again, and- and tomorrow, and the next day- I’m right here. It’s not too late, Eddie. I’m right here.”

Eddie nods, breathing unevenly again, and then they sort of fall into each other, holding and being held, so carefully but tight enough that Athena isn’t sure of the force it would take to pull them apart again. She inhales long and exhales slow. She can sort of see Buck’s face, smiling into Eddie’s shoulder, and it still hurts but she can maybe see how it might not, eventually. Right here, and tomorrow and the next day. He’ll still be in the hospital for a little while but- maybe, when he’s settled back at home, he’d like to come over for lunch.

Athena stands up straight, takes one last long look, and leaves Buck in safe hands.

#my writing #brick classic…. dropping fic in the dead of night…. #athena grant #Buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 abc

[daffi-990]

WIP Wednesday 🌊

Tagged by the wonderfully talented @wikiangela, @diazsdimples and @tizniz. Make sure to check out their snippy snip snippets.

It was so hard to pick what part I wanted to share today from Rival Firefighters 🚒 because I wrote a scene this morning and ahh it was just … I really like it and want to share the whole thing cos I want you all to scream at me but I also don’t want to share everything you know? 😅

Prev snippet here

“Eddie, it’s for you.” Bobby hands him the SAT phone, a concerned looked etched on his face.

Eddie takes the phone, albeit a bit hesitant. Dispatch wanting to talk to him has warning flags flying up. He’s not a commanding rank so the only reason he can think of as to why they’d be tracking him down is because they’re about to give him bad news.

He knows that Buck and Chris are safe. Buck had texted him that they were planning on going to the movie theatre near his apartment and then out for ice cream at that place Chris loves that is not at all in the area where the tsunami hit. They’re safe.

Tia Pepa and Abuela are visiting Eddie’s parents back in Texas and Eddie isn’t Carla’s emergency contact.

Which only leaves one person.

Dread sinks heavily in his stomach like a lead balloon as he brings the phone up to his ear.

“This is Diaz.”

“Eddie.”

He doesn’t know whether to be relieved or not that it’s Maddie’s voice on the other line. Maybe it’ll hurt less coming from a familiar voice. The voice of a friend. Though he can’t help feeling guilty that it’s Maddie having to shoulder the weight of telling him that his ex wife is injured, missing or — no. He can’t even think the word. It’s too painful. What’s he going to do if Shannon is— if she’s — what’s he going to tell Chris?

Fuck.

He needs to find out what the actual situation is before he starts spiraling.

“Don’t sugar coat it Maddie, just—,” he takes a shaky breath and clutches the phone tighter, trying to steady his trembling hands, “just tell me. Please.”

He’s aware of eyes on him, that Bobby has moved just that little bit closer, body rigid and on alert like he’s ready to jump in and catch Eddie if he needs to.

“A rescue boat found Chris. He’s alive, only sustained minor cuts and scrapes. They’ve taken him to the triage centre. Shannon’s on her way to him now.”

Eddie almost drops the phone as his world comes to a stop. He feels a surge of grief, fear and helplessness claw at his chest, their icy talons slicing into him and leaving him feeling like he’s been flayed open. Bile begins to rise up his throat but he swallows it down, the bitter taste of it lingering and burning. He’s pretty sure his heart stops beating and it’s not until Maddie says the words he’s alive that it picks up its rhythm again, a rush of relief washing over him and soaking through his skin, settling into his bones.

He takes a shuddering breath. Chris is alive.

No pressure tagging: @hippolotamus @spotsandsocks @athenagranted @wildlife4life @thewolvesof1998 @fortheloveofbuddie @monsterrae1 @watchyourbuck @exhuastedpigeon @missmagooglie @mellaithwen @bekkachaos @nmcggg @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @evanbegins @epicbuddieficrecs @the-likesofus @theotherbuckley @rewritetheending @rainbow-nerdss @princessfbi @prettyboybuckley @puppyboybuckley @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @steadfastsaturnsrings @try-set-me-on-fire @devirnis @disasterbuckdiaz @giddyupbuck @fiona-fififi @hoodie-buck @homerforsure @honestlydarkprincess @jeeyuns @jesuisici33 @king-buckley @lover-of-mine @loserdiaz @ladydorian05 @captain-hen and anyone else who wants to share something -> consider this your official tag 😘

#daffi writes #fic: stuck now so long we just got the start wrong #rival firefighters fic #buddie wip #buddie #let me just say that Eddie’s relief is short lived 👀 #dude is strapped in for an emotional roller coaster ride #wheeeeeee 🎢

[loveyourownsmiilee]

Talking Buddie Language: Ep 6.12

How is everyone?!? Did we all survive?!? I know for a damn fact that this episode was such a long time coming and it was done so well. We were so well fed this episode and I don’t think I’m going to get over all the Buddie goodness we got. It really does show that they’re slowly working their way towards Buddie becoming canon and I for one am so thrilled by it! There’s a lot to discuss about these two tonight, so I’m just going to get right into it.

Maddie Buckley’s Brigade

I love me some good ole Buckley siblings content! It was so nice to see Maddie fussing over her little brother especially since he is alive and well enough for her to fuss over. These scenes were definitely needed in tonight’s episode because of one reason and one reason only and that is to highlight the massive difference in how Buck is around the other people in his life and how he is around Eddie.

When Maddie is fussing over her little brother, cooking him food and whatnot, he reassures her that he “Is fine”. We all know when we tell people we’re fine that we are not in fact fine lol. His sister doesn’t believe him but she leaves him be because she knows he can be a stubborn bull. So she starts sending in reinforcements because she wants her brother to know he is loved and cared for, which is honestly such a beautiful gesture.

Before we get to Buck’s other sister, we see Buck laying on his new couch that his mother must’ve chosen for him. It’s so important to focus on how stiffly he’s laying down. You see him mentally trying to calm himself down by taking in deep breaths but the discomfort is clear as day on his face. He can’t fall asleep because he can’t relax on the damn thing. Thankfully he is saved when he hears someone knocking, ok pounding, his door.

I really love what they’ve done with Hen and Buck’s friendship this season. They’ve almost cemented them as this close brother-sister pairing because Buck needed someone who isn’t Eddie, to rely on for certain things. And I think, as I’ve mentioned in my previous metas, that this friendship will be great help to Buck when he has other things that he’ll be trying to work through in the near future. The key difference is that Hen is actually viewed as a best friend to Buck, as you can see how fondly but friendly he looks at her speaking. He’s not actually making eye contact but basking in Hen’s voice, even if he’s a tad bit exasperated. This is such a huge difference to how he looks at Eddie later on in the episode, which is exactly why I wanted to include it here.

Hen, just like Maddie, is concerned over Buck’s well-being and asks him about his visit with his cardiologist. Once again, he tries to reassure Hen but doesn’t sound convincing. He’s avoiding eye contact which indicates him keeping his true feelings from her and I think Hen knows that he’s not really being honest with her.

H: You think it’s gonna be bad news?

B: Thats the thing, I don’t uh, I don’t know. I mean I really do, I uh feel fine.

H: But?

B: But I also felt pretty good right before I got struck by lightning.

Now just to refresh everyone’s memory (as if anyone can even forget) what exactly happened right before he got up on that ladder?!?! Oh yeah of course, Eddie calling him cowboy in that cute flirty way he does. Coincidentally that was also the very first thing Buck remembered when he woke up in his coma dream. He looked back at Eddie and that was the last thing he really saw, the thing that made him feel pretty good before he got struck. This just further confirms that Eddie is always on Buck’s mind, even if it’s not the most obvious thing. Hen probably didn’t know what he was talking about and sure he could be talking about anything really. But the fact that Eddie said that to him, and that was the first thing he remembered in his coma tells me that it made a definite lasting impression on Buck.

Buck Runs To His Safe Place, Eddie

I will never be over this scene. There’s just so much goodness that came from Buck running to the one person he knows will be there to welcome him with open arms at any given time. The one person who he can be his true self with. As Buck once told Eddie, “You don’t have to pretend with me.” Well Eddie is the only person Buck doesn’t have to pretend with either which is why we had those scenes with everyone else checking in with Buck to show how different things are with Eddie.

First of all, Buck went to Eddie. Eddie has been giving him space and knows that Buck knows he can come to Eddie at any given time. I love how the moment Eddie opens the door and sees Buck, we get that soft little smile that is only meant for Buck. The little breath he lets out shows how immediately calm he is upon seeing Buck. His entire demeanor changes really in a split second. This is literally the definition of a man who’s at least a little bit in love.

The way Buck just walks in and immediately goes to Eddie couch, puts his shoe clad feet up on the table, and gets comfortable really does drive home the whole “This is Eddie’s house. I’m not really a guest” thing. And the fact that Eddie just lets him do as he pleases because he also knows that this is a safe place for Buck, really proves how close these two are. People can complain all they want about the lack of Buddie scenes. But the quality scenes, like tonight’s, really do tell us that these two are something else. They’re not just your average best friends and it’s further shown when Eddie just lets Buck be.

E: Hey.

B: Please don’t ask me how I am.

E: Okay. You want a beer?

B: Probably more than one.

E: Guess all that company must’ve wore you out.

This exchange just shows that there is never a moment in which Eddie tells Buck no. He just accepts him for who he is and doesn’t ever push him. Buck tells him not to ask how he’s doing, Eddie just takes it for what it is and agrees. This is a great example of a strong partnership. They just know each other so well that nothing needs to be questioned. You just are there for your partner and be what they need you to be in that moment, something that Eddie did in that scene. He also proves that Buck and Eddie talk and discuss things. Eddie knew that Buck had a lot of visitors. Sure he could’ve known that from Maddie but we know from previous episodes that these two always talk and know things about the other that their other friends don’t know.

It’s very interesting that this episode was written by Andrew, who also wrote 6.01. We see the Genuine brand beer they were drinking during their family dinner in 6.01. And he was the brilliant mastermind behind the whole couch metaphor!! Literally as Eddie is coming back with the beers, he sees Buck comfortably sleeping on his couch!! Buck, who had to mentally prep himself to sleep on the couch in his own loft, fell asleep on Eddie’s old couch within seconds of sitting down. That’s because of the level of trust that’s there. He trusts Eddie and knows that he can just fall asleep in his presence and know that he’ll be safe the entire time. It’s also the familiarity of the couch that made it easy for him to fall asleep on. He’s slept on it many times before and it’s familiar to him. It’s his couch!!!

I think one of Eddie’s love languages is acts of service because you can see him opening up the beer bottle that he was going to give to Buck before he sees him asleep. He knows Buck is capable of opening a bottle himself, but it’s the small thoughtful things like that, that truly makes me crazy with how damn soft Eddie is. How damn gone he is on Buck. Also he’s so cute with the little cheers thing. It reminds me of his whole “Go team” in 4.12 😂

Lastly, the final scene where the camera pans from Eddie to Buck is super important when it comes to foreshadowing what’s to come. Buck is laid there asleep, but he has his left arm hung on the back of the couch. The way this is framed shows that there’s meant to be someone that fits right underneath that arm. Someone who’s going to fit there perfectly. I think this is foreshadowing the end of this season where he finally realizes who his perfect couch is and how it’s been there this entire time, right underneath his nose. I can just so perfectly see one of the final scenes in the finale being Buck sitting on this same couch, with Eddie right next to him. Buck’s arm is wrapped around Eddie’s shoulders and we are left with the confirmation that he finally knows who he wants. I don’t know just how exactly things will play out, but I will say the framing of that final moment definitely makes it seem like there’ll be someone there sitting next to him on that couch in the near future!

Buck and Eddie Have a Heart to Heart In The Kitchen

I cannot. I cannot. I have not recovered at all from this scene nor do I anticipate recovering from it for many months to come. I have just one word that sums it all up and that is DOMESTIC.

We get Buck waking up from his little nap and he looks around and is immediately reassured with his surroundings because it’s home to him. He immediately seeks Eddie out and finds him in the heart of the home, the kitchen. I’m still screaming about the fact that these two finally had a long awaited heart to heart in the heart of their home.

B: How did I pass out so fast?

E: You fell asleep before I got the beers out of the refrigerator.

B: Sorry.

E: No worries. You still want that beer?

B: Uh, maybe some water.

E: Agua on the way.

B: Thank you.

E: Here you go sir.

So much to unpack here. First of all we get confirmation that Buck passing out that quickly was because he just felt safe and comfortable in Eddie’s presence and his home. Eddie breaking out his Spanglish was so cute because he’s just being his silly little self and not putting on a facade in front of Buck. When he calls Buck sir, it’s meant to keep things light. Eddie knows how his partner is feeling and he doesn’t want to add more to it. So he sticks to what he knows and engages in a light tone.

Something to pay attention to is how Eddie keeps glancing over at Buck. He’s packing his son’s lunch but keeps looking over every few seconds. He does it so softly too that there’s no doubt in anyone’s mind that he’s looking at him with such fondness. Now I think it’s because he’s giving Buck the space he needs to gather what he wants to say to him. But I also think he’s doing it to reassure himself that Buck is alive and well. That he’s in front of Eddie and that Eddie didn’t really lose him like he thought. Let’s all remember how horribly Eddie took Buck being in a coma. The man couldn’t even look at him when he usually can’t look away. The kitchen scene is prime example of Eddie not being able to look away once again.

As Eddie waits for Buck to say something, I don’t think he was fully prepared for the conversation they had.

B: Hey what do you remember about getting shot?

Eddie immediately looks away from Buck at the mention of the shooting. He deflects and tries to hide from Buck. He realizes just then that he can’t really run away and that he’s been working on being more open about things, especially in the presence of Buck. So Eddie tells him the truth. Well as much of it as he can without giving too much away.

E: There was this searing pain. Felt like I got hit by a bus. I was still standing. I remember falling, everything got dark.

He shakes his head while looking away from Buck, which clearly shows that he’s trying to forget about what he felt in that moment. It’s hard to relive trauma and that’s what he was doing then. But then he looks right into Buck’s eyes as he says:

E: And I thought, this is it.

He holds contact with Buck’s eyes as he continues to describe the feelings he had as he lay there dying.

E: This is the last moment of my life. Then I woke up in the hospital.

B: And that was it?

Buck is kind of questioning Eddie here because a part of him can sense that Eddie is hiding something. And he is hiding something. He’s hiding his true feelings and thoughts during the moment he got shot. He’s not fully prepared to deal with those feelings and what he realized as he was laying there fighting for his last breath. It’s all in the avoidance of eye contact as he tries to come up with a believable story. I was always under the impression that getting shot was Eddie’s “oh” moment and seeing him hiding his true feelings from that day further proves that.

E: That was it. No bright white lights, no trippy mind puzzles. Just thought I was dead and then I wasn’t.

Eddie really tries to make Buck believe the story he’s come up with but the one thing he forgets is that this is Buck. Buck is the one person who probably knows Eddie better than he does. So with Buck looking at Eddie with his brows scrunched, you know he’s not really buying what Eddie is trying to sell him. Or that he’s trying to but doesn’t quiet believe it fully. There’s so much that they’re still not discussing and I don’t know if it’s because Eddie isn’t ready to tackle those big feelings he has for Buck or if he thinks Buck isn’t ready just yet to hear them. Either way, this entire moment convinced me that Eddie is aware of what he feels for Buck and probably has been since that moment he got shot and he tried to reach for Buck. He literally wanted Buck to be the last person he sees before he made his peace with death. Just like how Eddie was the last thing on Buck’s mind before he died after the lightning strike. Such delicious deliberate choices are continuously being made.

We all know how Eddie is with feelings. I will say it’s so amazing to see him opening up like this, and not running or hiding behind his son. You can clearly tell that therapy has been doing wonders for Eddie. But one thing that is still a part of him is the fact to divert attention away from him, and on to the other people, he loves and cares for, which in this instance is Buck. He was honest with Buck so then he wanted honesty in return.

E: So now am I allowed to ask how you are?

The softness and delicacy in his voice when he asks Buck this really kills me. He’s been dying to ask. We all know how much he cares about him and he had been giving Buck what he wanted. But he’s not the type to just sit there and not check in. So he asks after he himself opens up about his trauma because he can’t anymore. This is such a domestic moment between partners. I’ve seen my own parents care for each other’s well being like this. His voice is laced with utter love and you can tell he’s not teasing anymore. He genuinely wants to know and he knows that Buck will be honest with him because that’s how their relationship works.

B: Uh, honestly Eddie, I uh, I don’t know.

This is the first and only time we see Buck truly be honest about how he’s feeling. He doesn’t default to the “fine” he’s been telling everyone else. This is his Eddie, his person. He’s not going to lie to him. A wonderful parallel just in this episode was how Bobby mentions that Athena helps him feel like he’s on solid ground. Well who made Buck feel like that in this episode? Oh yes the person he literally ran to for safety 🥹 I also want to note how the way he’s looking at Eddie is literally so soft and his eyes hold so much love in them. It’s very romantic because he’s not putting on an act and he’s truly letting himself be. You can’t compare this look he’s giving Eddie to the platonic one he gave Hen earlier in the episode. This one contains so much depth and love in his eyes that really makes you rethink how these two can be platonic (they’re not).

E: You died Buck.

The sheer heartache you can hear in those three words sends chills down my body. He’s clearly still so affected by Buck dying. He can’t even look at Buck when he says that and he scrunches up his face like he’s in physical pain. And in a way, he was and still is because half of his heart died and he had to live in a world without him for 3 minutes. He was the one that brought him back to life, and we are not thinking about the effect that had on Eddie. Then he had to sit there and wait to see if he would come back to them. It’s a hard thing watching your significant other suffer in pain especially when they’re comatose and hooked up to so many machines. So there’s clearly a lot of unresolved issues that Eddie is struggling within himself because of Buck’s injury.

I found Eddie’s advice to Buck to be a work of art. He’s clearly learning from therapy and opening himself to feeling things. He’s not the same Eddie from season 3 where he told his team that Buck should be a man and men don’t cry bla bla.

E: You’re gonna feel a lot of different ways about that. Sometimes all at the same time. I found the best way to process it is to… allow yourself to feel it.

Now Eddie can be speaking about his own personal brush with death but he can also be referring to what he’s going through in that moment with how he’s dealing with the fact that Buck died. I think in this moment, the viewer can interpret it one of two ways. Because sure he could be talking about how he dealt with his own almost death, but I feel like the pain that’s etched on his face is of something a little bit more recent.

B: Which you do eventually right? You process it. 

E: Everyday you open your eyes in the morning, you feel a little less surprised the world’s still there.

Some thing about the words that Eddie was saying, made me think of Lev from the happiness convention. Pair that with Buck seeking answers and reassurance from Eddie because he’s scared and we’re kinda back to him seeking answers to what makes him happy. I will say, however, that it is very refreshing to see Eddie really talk about feelings and really be there for Buck during his recovery process. That whole kitchen scene paralleled when Buck was there for Eddie’s breakdown last season and it’s honestly crazy how similar they are. Like I keep saying, deliberate choices continue to be made and it’s all slowly coming together.

Eddie and Buck Share A Cardiologist

I loved that Eddie’s cardiologist from last season was back as Buck’s. Their interaction was important because we finally see Buck not being impatient to go back to work. He’s scared and he’s being cautious and he doesn’t want to die on the job, again. It’s wonderful character development for sure.

B: Hey you um see people who’ve been through near death experiences all the time right?

Dr. S: It’s an unfortunately large percentage of my clientele.

B: What happens to them after? They just go back to their same old lives, go back to being the same old people?

Dr. S: Some do. They tell me that almost dying, makes them appreciate what they have. But for others, they’ll walk out of my office and decide to quit their job or leave their spouse. And for some reason a lot of them want to go to Italy.

The reason I want to bring this up is because once again Buck is seeking answers in other people. He’s terrified and doesn’t know what he’s meant to learn from this near death experience. I think it was deliberately done where Dr. Salazar mentions the things she does. I say this because we know Buck isn’t going to quit his job and he doesn’t have a spouse to leave. That leaves the first thing she mentions which is appreciating what he has. I think this foreshadows what’s to come for his journey in the remainder of this season. I think we’re all working towards Buck accepting the people he already has in his life and understand that he’s had the perfect couch in the form of Eddie and Chris this entire time. To further back up these claims, she continues to explain by using a water analogy. Water in which ties Buck, Eddie and Christopher together…

Dr. S: Water finds its own level. People do too. Recovery is a bumpy road, but eventually everyone finds their equilibrium.

Finding your equilibrium is basically finding that perfect balance in your life. The things that make you happy and make you feel at ease, kind of like the journey Buck has been on. It was perfect because it further foreshadows him figuring out who he needs in his life in terms of a potential life partner. Someone who levels him and we all know who that person is ☺️

Buck Tells Maddie To Stop Trying To Fix Him

I love any and all Buckley siblings’ scenes and I think it was funny how the one who is always trying to fix everything went to his sister and told her to stop trying to fix him.

The conversation between these two was eye opening because of what was being said.

M: Whatever it is you’re feeling, you don’t have to hide it.

B: When I wake up and I mean like every single time, I have this checklist now that I run in my head. Like a way to test. I’m really here…Never night in my coma dream.”

The specific word choices of not having to “hide” what he is “feeling” makes me think we’ll come to see a time where Buck tries to hide his real feelings from a certain someone. I don’t know how to explain it but that wording wouldn’t be just thrown in there if not for a later more impactful purpose.

The thing with Buck’s checklist is that it really shows how he is struggling with the aftermath of his injury. He’s living in this world scared. But the only time we didn’t see him doing a mental checklist is when he woke up at Eddie’s. He immediately knew he was alive and where he was. Didn’t struggle at all because he knew he could seek Eddie, who was only a room away. It was also nighttime. Throughout the episode, anytime anyone visited Buck or he visited someone it was during the day. He only went to Eddie’s at night. There’s got to be a reason for that checklist moment with Maddie in the end and why the fact that it was never nighttime in his coma dream was emphasized. The same coma dream in which was missing an Eddie Diaz. The same Eddie Diaz that he now wakes up to and doesn’t feel that fear he feels when he’s by himself. This show is doing something. It’s slowly starting to plant those seeds and have the Buddie tree grow by the end of this season and I really do think with everything we were given, especially in this episode, that it’s a big inevitability on these two getting together romantically. It’s only a matter of time now friends until these two idiots realize what they’ve been wanting has been in front of them this entire time! I, for one, can’t wait to see their story continue to unfold.

Once again, if you’ve read all of this, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I am really proud of this week’s meta and I couldn’t have done it without the lovely @aa-lionheart for all her help 💜 if you’d like to be added to my tag list for these weekly metas, please let me know here! I look forward to seeing how these next few episodes unfold with these two!!

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #911 spoilers #911 speculation #911 on fox #911 meta #buddie meta #maddie buckley #hen wilson #buddie language meta

[honestlydarkprincess]

to be okay

6x12 coda || word count: 646 || read on ao3

Every morning is the same. Buck wakes up, and doesn’t fully breathe until his phone is in his hand and the message thread with Bobby is open.

morning bobby

Buck can’t breathe, his chest feels tight and his hands shake ever so slightly.

Good morning, Buck

And Buck can breathe again. Bobby is okay. He’s alive and well, probably enjoying a cup of coffee with Athena like Buck knows they do every morning that they can. The knot in his chest unfurls and Buck can move, can start to get ready for the day.

He gets a few steps towards the bathroom, intending to shower, when he doubles back and grabs his phone. Opening his text thread with Eddie, Buck types out a message and presses send.

hey

While Buck waits for a response from Eddie, he opens the next thread in his phone.

morning buddy! i hope you have a great day at school is sent to Christopher and Buck isn’t surprised that Chris is the one who responds immediately.

thanks, buck! can you help me with my science assignment tonight?

of course, bud

Buck is grinning, looking forward to tonight. Normally he, Eddie, and Christopher have dinner on Fridays and watch a movie but since Buck is still on medical leave right now, they’ve been able to have them more frequently. Tonight Buck had promised Chris homemade pizza and he mentally went through his shopping list while he waited for Eddie to respond.

He wasn’t too concerned, Eddie wasn’t known to be quick with replies on text, if you really needed to get a hold of him it was always best to call. But as the minutes ticked by and still no response, Buck began to get worried.

Shit, what if something happened? No, if something was wrong then Chris would have told him— but what if Chris didn’t know? What if something had happened to Eddie while he was sleeping or he slipped in the shower or—

Buck felt himself starting to panic, starting to spiral, and suddenly he was pressing Call on Eddie’s contact and shoving the phone against his ear, heart pounding in his throat.

“‘ello?” Eddie slurred, his voice heavy with sleep.

Buck let out a broken sound, an almost hysterical wave of relief crashing over him and making it so he couldn’t talk.

“Buck?” Eddie asked, now sounding alert. “What’s wrong? What happened?” Buck could hear the rustling of Eddie’s blankets, imagined they were being thrown off as Eddie rushed out of bed.

“I’m fine, I’m fine, sorry, I just— you weren’t answering and I panicked and I couldn’t breathe,” Buck rambled, sitting down on his bed and trying to calm his heart, calm his breathing.

“Hey, hey, I’m right here,” Eddie reassured him softly. “I’m okay. I’m at home with Christopher and both of us are okay. We’re okay.”

“Y-yeah?” Buck gasped out, his body finally starting to relax the more he listened to Eddie’s soothing voice.

“Yeah,” Eddie confirmed. “I promise.”

“Okay, that’s good, that’s— that’s real good,” Buck mumbled, closing his eyes.

They were quiet for a minute, just listening to each other breathe on the line, Buck’s heartbeat finally slowing down.

“Come over,” Eddie said. “We’ll take Christopher out for breakfast and get those stupidly expensive coffee latte frappuchinos you like.”

Buck laughed. “That is not even close to what they’re called.”

Buck could somehow hear Eddie’s smile. “Yeah, but I made you laugh, didn’t I?”

“Yeah,” Buck sighed, affection clear in his voice. “I’ll be right over.”

“We’ll be here,” Eddie replied and Buck got the feeling he was talking about more than just right now.

Just before Buck got into the shower, his phone beeped again and when he checked it, there was another message from Bobby.

All good?

And Buck didn’t even have to think about it. All good! he sent back.

#jess.writes #my writing #6x12 coda #911 6x12 coda #911 coda #help this episode got me feeling things #evan buckley #evan buck buckley #bobby nash #eddie diaz #christopher diaz #911 #911 spoilers #911 fox #911 on fox #buddie #buddie ficlet #911 ficlet #not beta read we die like my sanity after committing my life to this wee woo life #jess.fics

[chronicowboy]

for life | 4.3k

It starts when Eddie gets shot. It's a lot of factors all at once that crash together and spiral into what could be the most spectacularly poor string of decisions Buck has ever made, but the taste of his best friend's blood still lingers on his tongue like a thick layer of ash, so maybe it can be excused. Because a sniper's large calibre round had torn through the relative calm of morning in downtown Los Angeles and now Buck knows two things: he's in love with Eddie, and he'd follow him anywhere—even to death.

Except, he can't. Because there's a little boy at 4995 South Bedford Street waiting for his dad to come home, and Buck has to be somehow more than he is. He has to find it in himself to scrub Eddie's blood from his skin and put his own emotions aside, so that he can hold that little boy in his arms and make promises he has no right to make.

Besides, Eddie has a different hand to tether him to life now; small and delicate and gentle in a way Buck's hands never were, never could be—they've only ever been big and bloody and always too late.

So, Buck goes back to the only home he's ever known, changed to the very core of him. He thinks about how the cells of the human body are constantly regenerating into something newer, something less damaged by the world, and he wonders if he's in a whole different body to the one he was in this morning—his heart is forever changed, that much he knows. Buck tries to ignore the tumorous black mass of pain in his chest as he tells Christopher about his dad, but it's the shiny-eyed hope of a kid that's been through too much that brings him to his knees because Eddie is okay, of course he's okay when he has Christopher to come home to, but he almost wasn't, and Buck doesn't know if he'll ever be okay again.

It's late when Christopher finally falls asleep, and Buck stands from his vigil by the wrong—but also maybe the right—bedside with numb legs, and he doesn't know if it's Eddie on a ventilator or the pins and needles that has him staggering towards the door. He grabs the stuff to make up the couch without a second thought and builds his bed with trembling hands as he tries not to think about the empty one down the hall. When it's done, he makes no move to lie down, just sits on the edge of the pull-out mattress and stares until tears prick at his eyes like a thousand microscopic needles.

Before he knows what he's doing, Buck is dialling a number more familiar to him than his own and bringing the phone up to his ear. It rings and rings and rings and clicks.

"You've reached Eddie Diaz, call me back or leave a message after the beep."

For a moment, Buck just breathes down the line, uncaring that Eddie will wake up in a few days and listen to the shaky wheeze of his exhales. He just needs a moment. The timbre of Eddie's voice so damn alive compared to the croak he'd had in the engine when he'd asked if Buck was hurt as he'd bled out.

(OR: five times buck uses random facts to tell eddie how he feels + the one time christopher does it for him)

@danielsousa @binickmiller @diazass @shitouttabuck @butchdiaz @buddstiel @organizedstardust @theoneandonlypigeon @anatargmova @alyxmastershipper @buckley-diaz-rules @blazeturbo102 @panbuckley @slowlyfoggydestiny @thatnamewill-probably-change @compactdiscmp3 @batgrldes @scattered-winter @prince-buck-diaz @mysteriouslyyounggalaxy

#sami rambles #this is such a silly little thing bc ive been watching so many documentaries #also was convinced this was like 1.5k max and its fucking four #wrote it an just over two hours ????? how ?????? #buddie #911 fic #911 fanfic #buddie fic #buddie fanfic #buck x eddie fic

[thewolvesof1998]

Hi Wolf 💕💕💕

3 for Spotify wrapped writing prompts

Hi Saturn!!

Sorry this has been sitting in my drafts for so long, I was hoping to eventually add to it but I think if I do, it will be a while down the line so I might as well give you this snippet now!

This is from the Spotify wrapped writing prompts thingy.

So number three is Stick Season by Noah Kahan!

This snippet was inspired by:

And I'll dream each night of some version of you That I might not have, but I did not lose ... And I'm split in half, but that'll have to do My other half was you I hope this pain's just passin' through But I doubt it

“I couldn’t look at you, you were lying there with that tube in, and all I could think about is Shannon.”

“I’m not your dead wife,” Eddie flinches, Buck continues, “You-you made that perfectly clear.”

“No-no that’s not, I just…” Eddie trails off, his thoughts running a hundred mph making it hard to find the right words. 

“Eddie, what are you trying to say?” Buck asks, sounding so defeated and heartbroken and Eddie did that. He needs to fix that. 

“Chris can’t lose someone else.”

“Don’t.” Buck stands up, anger radiating off of him so quickly it steals his breath. Buck finger points at Eddie like he’s cursing him, “Don’t bring him into this, you know I would never leave him.”

“I know-I’m sorry-I” He runs a hand through his hair, unable to look at him, “I never been good at words.”

Buck snorts, “You don’t say.”

“Buck please, I’m trying to say we," he shakes his head, "I…I...” But the words won’t come out, caught somewhere between his heart and his vocal cords. His mouth opens and closes god knows how many times but the silence between them stretched out. He sees the final shred of hope fade from Buck’s blue eyes.

Buck makes a dismissive sound but in it Eddie can hear the shattering of his heart again, it’s a sound that shouldn’t be familiar but it is, “Goodbye Eddie.”

Eddie feels like he's splitting in half as he watches Buck take one step, then another and another until he's halfway to the door. Maybe this is for the best, his heart is already aching something fierce, so much so that he's struggling to breathe. This pain would be ten times worse if he'd actually ever had Buck and lost him, at least this way maybe the pain would just pass on through. But he doubts it, can feel the way his heart squeezes and splutters and tears in half as Buck steps out the door without looking back, feels the permanent marks sear into the very muscles that are keeping him alive, that with every beat he is reminded of this moment, of his failure.

Thanks for your ask!!! <3<3<3

#9-1-1 #buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #buddie fic #thewolvesof1998 writes

[clusterbuck]

look straight ahead (there’s nothing but blue skies)

6x12 coda

buck is asleep before eddie gets the beers out, and for a split second eddie panics. for a fleeting, terrified moment he remembers buck hanging lifeless in the rain, buck lying lifeless in the hospital bed—

then buck snores, and eddie exhales.

“too much rest and relaxation, huh,” eddie murmurs, then takes a sip of one of the beers. “that’s okay. you get some sleep.”

he considers moving buck, turning him and lifting his feet onto the couch so he’d be more comfortable. for a moment he even considers picking him up and carrying him to his bed, because if he knows buck, he hasn’t been sleeping well lately. he could use all the help he can get.

but it’s probably better not to disturb him. so eddie tiptoes around the sofa and settles in at the opposite end, one beer bottle in his hand and one on the coffee table. his gaze catches on buck, and for the first time in days—weeks—eddie just looks.

he couldn’t, when buck was in the hospital. even when he snuck christopher in to see him eddie couldn’t look, could barely glance at him out of the corner of his eye without feeling like he might vomit.

then buck woke up, and everyone crowded into his room, and eddie still felt like he had to avert his eyes. like he couldn’t look directly at buck, or it would bring this whole thing crashing down. buck wouldn’t be awake, wouldn’t be alive, wouldn’t be smiling and laughing and surrounded by his family.

but now buck’s on his sofa, and in sleep his features are peaceful. his breathing is steady and even, and eddie matches it before he can realise it.

buck looks fine. and eddie knows that everyone’s been saying it, that he’s been repeating it to himself and to maddie and to christopher until he’s blue in the face, but—

he’s not sure he’s believed it until now, with buck right here next to him.

eddie had seen him at the hospital, awake and alive, but he hadn’t looked, and whenever he imagined buck in his apartment, resting to allow his body to heal, he’d imagined buck small and pale and frail. but buck looks the same as he always has. except for the facial hair he’s let grow in, which—

looks good on him, eddie thinks, and then blinks.

huh.

he glances at it again, and is hit with the overwhelming urge to reach out and touch it just to see what it would feel like under his hands.

okay, eddie thinks, taking a sip of beer. time to stop staring at buck. there’s laundry to be done, or maybe the dishwasher needs to emptied. there has to be something in this house for him to do that isn’t staring at buck.

he stands up, and, after a couple of seconds of deliberation, takes both beer bottles with him.

—

buck finds him in the kitchen making christopher’s lunch, and he seems on edge.

then, out of the blue, he asks about when eddie got shot. only—it’s not out of the blue. eddie’s been waiting for this question.

i remember you, he thinks. i remember your bloodstained face and your hands on me.

but that’s not what buck is asking about, not really. and it’s not something eddie knows how to say. so he—doesn’t lie, exactly, just smooths out the truth a little, and tries not to think about the fact that if christopher did the same to him he would definitely consider it a lie.

he’s not hiding the truth. he’s just storing it away for a later time, when he’s ready to say the words and buck’s ready to hear them. the time will come, he knows. he’s willing to be patient.

and in the meantime—

“come on,” he says, zipping up christopher’s lunch box. “there’s a new episode of that home reno show you claim to hate so much.”

buck grins. “their timelines are whack,” he says, falling right into the familiar conversation. “you can’t strip a a whole house that fast, trust me—”

“—i used to work construction,” eddie says in unison with buck, who just laughs.

“but you watch it anyway,” eddie says, and holds out his hand to pull buck up.

“yeah,” buck says, and takes his hand, even though they both know he doesn’t need any help getting to his feet. “with you.”

#911fic #911 spoilers #shush emma #911 6x12 #emma writes

[neverevan]

Fuck It Friday 🧇

Heyooo. I am still riding the canon bi Buck high and can't wait to see the mess that is the madney wedding lmao — and to watch Tommy be the hero of the day and his reward to be a dance with Buck at the hospital, in their tethered clothes. (hey, I can dream, alright?)

Anyway, I decided to give you a bit more of the jealous eddie fic, which, listen... I am turning it inside and outside in my head, trying to figure out how to go forward with it, but so far all I could come up with is; rewrite most of it. welp, c'est la vie.

This comes directly after this snippet.

The gun went off and Buck just stood there, frozen with Eddie’s blood splattered all over his face, until he got pushed to the ground.

It felt like a million years before his brain finally caught up with the events around him, kicking his instincts into gear and making him crawl under the truck and get to Eddie.

After that it was a blur of desperation and undivided focus.

Stay alive please stay alive don’t leave me don’t leave me don’t leave me god I can’t live without you please don’t leave me—

After Eddie’s gurney left his sight, everything went silent, as if someone had hit the mute button on Buck’s life. His mind was empty, his eyes unfocused, his body numb. He was completely out of it.

That’s when Taylor arrived and took him home, so he could clean himself up before seeing Christopher.

And fuck, he had to be strong, he knew that, but it was too hard and heavy, he couldn’t hold out for long. Bobby’s text was the last drop to break the dam, the relief of being out of the woods, the hope of not losing Eddie made his chest impossibly tight and there was no more holding back.

Of course, Christopher took it in stride like always. God, he loved that kid so much, he was the strongest, the sweetest and smartest kid he’s ever known — his own person, yet a perfect extension of his dad — and Buck has loved him like his own from the start. That was probably the first sign of many that he missed.

And then it hit him. When he first went to see Eddie after he woke up, running down the corridors to his room; Buck’s heart was beating out of his chest, but it still skipped an entire beat when Eddie smiled at him as he walked into the room.

Oh.

It came over him in waves, like he was watching the tsunami close in on him again, his emotions like water, pushed his body from side to side, constricted his lungs and made him feel like death was just around the corner.

The funny thing was… he knew it right there and then. He had no idea about how he felt before any of it and yet he knew; Eddie was it.

It was too much and too soon, overwhelming in a way he couldn’t qualify as good or bad, but suddenly breathing was hard around Eddie.

So when Taylor made a move, Buck clinged to it desperately, hoping against hope that it would be enough to shake the realisation. He knew better of course, but it seemed like the perfect hiding place at the time.

tags under the cut 💛

✨I have been tagged by and am tagging the ever so lovely

@sunshinediaz @spagheddiediaz @goforkinard

@exhuastedpigeon @nmcggg @bidisasterbuckdiaz

@daffi-990 @diazsdimples @honestlydarkprincess

@watchyourbuck @actualalligator @bucksbignaturals mwuahhh 💛

#I'm so sad that I kinda lost the thread with this one #I started it just around the same time as the mudslide fic so like back in september #and even though I know what happens I don't really know how to bridge it from where I left off and where we're going #I have faith in getting there during the break though #🙏 #buddie #911 #911 abc #wip #the jealous eddie fic

[athenagranted]

fuck it friday

i’m pretending its still friday. here’s some of my new WIP (affectionately titled Unhinged Buck) for y’all because it’s all i can think about rn!!

Eddie presses up behind him, hand splayed against his back. The edges of Buck’s vision are blurry, and he thinks Eddie might be holding him up, keeping his body from sinking down into the ground. He’s not sure. He just knows that they’re close enough that Buck can feel Eddie’s breath on his neck with every word that slips out of his mouth. (He wants to be closer. He wants to feel the vibrations of Eddie’s throat against his lips. He wants the pressure of Eddie’s hand to curl around his spine, tethering himself to Eddie in a way that can’t be undone. But he can’t have any of it. He knows he can’t. So he stays still, balancing himself against the point where Eddie’s thumb digs into his spine, planting his feet firmly on the ground and anchoring himself to the hard, cold earth, and he listens.) “How’s the driver?” Eddie asks roughly.  Hen shakes her head. “He’s gone. He was drunk — I definitely smelled alcohol on his breath. But his neck was bent pretty badly in the crash. He died before we could attempt to extract him.”  Buck grits his teeth. “Good,” he spits out, leaning further back against Eddie’s warm, warm body. He sways slightly to the side, and Eddie tightens his hold on Buck’s arm. “Good,” he murmurs again. Behind him, Eddie lets out a low hiss. Buck blinks, turning around to face him, taking in the slight scrape on Eddie’s brow bone and the dirt on his turnouts. He takes in the way Eddie’s worried eyes meet his, the soft honey-brown soothing the insistent pain in Buck temple. It’s a nice view, and Buck gives him a lazy, satisfied grin back. There’s no need to be worried. After all, Eddie is alive. He gets to go home, to the 118, to Chris, to his—  No.  Buck blinks. Eddie is alive. He gets to kick off his dirty shoes in the locker room and pull on the freakishly clean pair he always keeps in their locker — the one that Eddie only ever wears on drives back home from work. Eddie denies it, but Buck knows. He could recite Eddie’s every unsavory habit from memory alone, and he knows that those shoes have only ever seen the floor of a glass-walked locker room and the inside of a pickup truck. Today, Eddie gets to gently toe off those shoes, hide them in the top right slot of his shoe rack, and trek down the hallway to greet Christopher with a hug that he’ll shy away from, too old to let Eddie indulge in those small acts of love. Chris might cave eventually, though — even teenage moodiness hasn’t been able to curve Chris’s fierce love for his father. Eddie is alive, and tonight will end in a ruffle of his son’s hair and a twin chorus of I love you. Tonight won’t end in Chris reliving his worst nightmare. And it’s not just Christopher, Buck thinks — who knows how many lives were spared the moment Hen pressed two fingers against a still pulse; how many children were spared from the kind of blinding grief that Christopher faces every day. Who knows how many parents will laugh with their kids over dinner, how many bleary-eyed twentysomethings will show up late to work because of traffic, how many people will get to marry the love of their lives now that Hen has marked the body and moved onto the next patient. Eddie will get to do all of that and more, because he’s alive. Buck’s mouth ticks up in a smile. No, this was no loss. 

tagging some writer mutuals and a few people who were interested in this idea: @loserdiaz @captain-hen @jeeyuns @likegoldintheair @shitouttabuck @housewifebuck @antibyler @cal-daisies-and-briars @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @911-on-abc @elvensorceress @eddiebabygirldiaz @wildlife4life

#buddie #rae #rae.txt #rae writes #911

[try-set-me-on-fire]

In the hopes of getting more material to melt over, I'm sending you the soft prompt "shoulder kisses"

Send me soft prompts! Find the finished ones on ao3!

"You make me wanna, like, mow the lawn."

"What?" Eddie glances up from the old flashlight he’s trying to screw back together after replacing the busted bulb because this one’s always worked fine, Buck, what do I need a new one for? Whatever. Buck is going to hide a nice newer model in the truck somewhere. “Does the lawn need mowing?”

“What?” Buck cranes up in his seat at the kitchen table to see what he can of the backyard. “Eh. I’ll do it this weekend.”

“You know you don’t have to,” Eddie says down to the plastic and metal in his palms, frowning when the pieces refuse to come together right.

“No, I know, but I want to. Didn’t I just say that?”

“Yeah,” Eddie nods, finally solving the flashlight puzzle and blinking it directly into Buck’s eyes a few times. “But it kind of seemed like you were talking about something else.”

“I guess I kinda was.” Buck leans back in the chair, crossing his arms behind his head. "You make me wanna… do laundry and go grocery shopping and mop the floor.

Eddie raises an eyebrow with a little smile, leaning back in his own chair. “You saying we’re getting too domestic? Need to spice things up?”

“No,” Buck huffs a laugh. “I’d mow your lawn any day.”

“Well now it sounds like a sex thing,” Eddie teases, and his foot bumps into Buck’s under the table.

Buck laughs again, louder. “I mean,” he wiggles his eyebrows. “We could figure something out.”

Eddie’s eyes crinkle up in his grin as he shakes his head and gathers up the tools on the table. He snaps them into their case with satisfying plastic clicks and goes to store them back in their place under the sink. When he comes back to the table he takes slow steps, past his own chair to stand in front of Buck and run a hand through his hair. "Why do I make you want to do chores?"

"It’s like…" Buck leans into the warmth of his palm. “Being alive.” Eddie raises an eyebrow and Buck rests his hands on his belly to feel him breathing. “I mean… having a life? Sharing- I mean, we skipped right to it.”

“To what?” Eddie kind of hums the question, fingers still moving through Buck’s hair in a way that makes his eyes want to drift shut.

“I mean, even before we were-“ Buck gestures between the two of them. “We shared everything already. I think I literally actually did mow your lawn like two weeks after I met you.”

Eddie laughs, low, and Buck’s hands on his torso shake with it. “You did. I’m not sure I even knew I had a lawnmower.”

“Yeah, it looked pretty sad out there.” Eddie tugs on his hair for the comment, but only very gently. “So I guess… we skipped all the other things. Getting to know you, pretending to be somebody you’d like.”

Eddie’s eyes are soft. “Buck, I like you plenty.”

“I know,” Buck says, quiet through the smile spread over his face. “You make me feel real.”

Eddie’s eyes are even softer, and his fingers stop moving, his hand just resting against Buck’s skull. “You’re plenty real.”

“I know. It’s… I don’t have to impress you. I don’t have to be anything. I just get to live real, everyday life with you. I want to do all those things not because I think I have to, to make you stay. I want to mow your lawn because it’s my lawn.”

Eddie inhales and exhales a few times, just looking down at him, and then ducks down to press a slow kiss into the skin revealed by Buck’s old ratty sweatshirt sliding down his trapezius. When he pulls back he only goes far enough to look Buck in the eyes. “I want to do your laundry,” he whispers, mouth pulling into a little smile. “I wanna mow your lawn.”

Buck eyes drift down to his lips. “That does sound like a sex thing.”

Eddie’s small smile grows into an easy grin. “I’m sure we could figure something out.”

#buddie #eddie diaz #evan buckley #short one this time and theres just barely a shoulder kiss in it #i just had buck saying i wanna like mow your lawn in my head for some reason #had to figure out why he’d say it #i think Eddie finds the new flashlight Buck hides and then he starts leaving notes for him in little hidden spaces #hello buck i hope youre having a good day #hello buck i love you #hello buck i dont need a new flashlight but thank you anyway #my writing

[tripleaxeldiaz]

until the earth starts to crumble and the heavens roll away (i’m yours)

read on ao3

The sun is setting, a warm orange glow seeping in through the blinds, when he comes into Buck’s room. Everyone else had been in and out already with hugs and goodbyes and promises of visiting tomorrow — everyone except Eddie. And judging from the redness still fading from around his eyes and the way he’s forcibly trying to keep his shoulders away from his ears, Buck thinks he understands why. 

He’s been in Eddie’s shoes. No amount of therapy or coping mechanisms could have stopped the ice cold, all encompassing tendrils of panic from taking over his body and mind when Eddie was buried alive or shot in broad daylight. Even after running into the hospital room after Eddie woke up, he had to take 10 minutes in the bathroom to collect himself before he could open his mouth without bursting into tears.

So he gets it. He’s not mad.

He’s just really glad he’s here. 

“Hey,” Eddie says, voice soft and low, almost as soft as the one he uses with Chris when he’s sick. Buck watches him make his way to the chair next to his bed and sit down, hesitating for a breath before pulling the chair as close to the bed as he can get. 

Good. Buck would’ve pulled him over himself if he hadn’t. 

“Hey,” he says back, sitting up straighter against his pillow. He’s not in pain exactly but he feels…uncomfortable. No position he sits in ever feels good enough, standing for too long makes him dizzy. The nurses are right, of course, he’s definitely still healing, he just wishes he didn’t feel like he was about to vibrate out of his skin while it was happening. 

That may be a him thing, though, nothing at all to do with being struck by thousands of volts of electricity and all to do with him being restless, bouncing off the wall Buck. 

A Buck that he no longer resents. Except in this moment when he just wants to relax.

They’re quiet as he adjusts himself, finally settling and facing Eddie as best he can. “Did Chris go home?”

“Yeah, about half an hour ago. Carla took him, he’s got school in the morning.” Eddie picks at a loose thread coming off the blanket covering the bed, and Buck notices he’s shaking. He wants to reach out, to hold him, to show him that he’s okay, that he’ll be back to normal in no time, but he looks like a strong breeze would shatter him where he sits, so he stays put. Eddie clears his throat before talking again, eyes never leaving the thread. “Did he tell you how we snuck him in to see you?”

Buck smiles. “He did. Made it sound a lot like a heist.”

“I wouldn’t call distracting one nurse a heist,” Eddie says. The corner of his mouth just barely ticks upwards, as close to a smile as Buck expects to see from him today. “But you know Chris, he could charm the pants off anyone without even trying.”

“Sounds like his dad.” Eddie rolls his eyes, but the tips of his ears go Buck’s favorite shade of pink, and he’s grateful that he gets to see it again. But the levity is brief — his brow furrows again, and Buck sees him bite the inside of his cheek, watches the shaking get a little more pronounced. His hand had moved up the blanket at some point, coming to rest right next to Buck’s where it rests. Eddie traces the outside of his pinky, softly, gently, like he’s worried about Buck shattering too. He takes a couple deep breaths and moves his hand again, twisting their pinkies together. The vibrations that have been coursing through Buck for days now quiet down the smallest amount, but it’s enough. It’s a relief. He’s touching Eddie, and it feels grounding, steady, sure.

It feels like a lifeline.

“I was really scared,” Eddie says, quiet enough to almost be absorbed by the blankets and bedding. “I saw you hanging there and I just ran, I didn’t even think about it. And then you wouldn’t—we couldn’t—” his breath shudders. “You were so still. I’ve never seen you that still.”

Buck sits up then, moving so he’s cross-legged on the bed, looking at Eddie straight on. He twists their already clasped hands until they’re fully intertwined, grabs the other one too and holds on tight. He squeezes once, twice, three times, before Eddie takes the hint and looks him in the eye. They’re bright and shining with tears and Buck still wants to get lost in them, even when they’re breaking his heart.

“I remembered you, you know,” he says. Eddie cocks his head, confused. “Not the dream version of you, I didn’t even meet that version. But the real you, the one that had my back when I went up the ladder. The one that always has my back. I remembered that. I remembered you, before anyone else.”

Eddie ducks his head again just before his shoulders shake, still trying in vain to keep everything together, either for Buck’s sake or his own. He wishes he could drill it into his stubborn brain that it’s okay to break, that Buck has picked up the pieces before and he will every other time after, that he fought like hell to get back to this family, to this Eddie, shrapnel and all. Instead, he holds Eddie’s hand a little bit tighter, threads his other hand through the hairs at the back of his neck, and rests his forehead on Eddie’s crown. His hair smells like cedar and cinnamon and faintly of smoke. It smells like Eddie. It smells like home.

They sit up after a while, but neither goes very far — their hands are still clutched together and Eddie is tracing nonsense on the inside of Buck’s wrist. He can’t believe that even for a minute, he didn’t want to come back to this — to Bobby on his way with In ‘n’ Out, to Hen and Chim ordering a cake with a horrible joke on it in the waiting room, to Maddie’s smile and Chris’ laugh.

To Eddie holding his hand.

“Thank you,” Eddie says, softly but fiercely. He looks Buck in the eye again, determined and steady, like he’s trying to piece himself back together by sheer force of will. “For coming back to us. We need you, Buck, more than I think we’ll ever be able to tell you.”

He brings one of Eddie’s hands up to his heart, and the last of the vibrations finally melt away. He feels still again, but not in a scary way. In a way he’s not sure he’s ever been, even before being struck by lightning.

“I’ll always come back,” Buck says, a truth he knows better than his own name. “It’s gonna take a lot more than a trippy purgatory nightmare to keep me away from you.”

Eddie smiles, a real, joyful smile that crinkles at his eyes and makes Buck want to sing. He presses his lips to the inside of Buck’s wrist — in prayer, in thanks, in a promise.

It hits him then as hard as it’s hit since he opened his eyes: Buck’s home. People love him.

He finally believes it.

#buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #buddie fic #911 fic #911 spoilers #HELLO SHE STILL REMEMBERS HOW TO WRITE #ficcery