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petit-etoile · 5 months

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open up your heart (stay soft)

pairing: astarion/tav wordcount: 3,626 content warnings: an extremely complicated look at astarion & a dark urge!tav. there are dom/sub undertones, s&m undertones, astarion doesn't want to be touched but he doesn't mind touching, and probably undernegotiated kink. this is self-indulgent in all honestly, i'm so sorry. originally intended to be part of basorexia. other tags: canon compliant, porn without plot, pwp, established relationship, dom/sub undertones, light masochism, frottage, blood drinking, codependency, gender neutral tav inspired by: this post. archiveofourown: here.

tag list: @azrielshadows1nger, @pandimoostuff, @faevi, @microskies, @foreverthemaraudersera, @queenofthespacesquids, @claryvoyantfray, @6doodlaang14, @anne-isnotokay, @itshimbotime, @yeeteth-the-raven, @sessils,@8-opossums, @worryknotdear, @abirdaboxandachippedcup, @ghosts-and-ink, @b4um3pfl4um3, @gunslingerorchid, @hypopxia, @m0ssytrees, @erysione, @odette-attackattack, @catching-fire-in-the-wind, @ashrio20, @wills-mental-illness be added to the taglist here

summary: ‘Astarion. Do you want a drink?’ / ‘More than anything,’ he whispers.

‘Please…’

Astarion is on his hands and knees, cerise gaze wild, one hand clutching his chest as though he’s afraid his heart will escape through his ribs. His other hand is reaching for you. It makes you wonder about the power he has given to you to hold over him. You’re afraid to ask what it means. If you’re his favorite, or if you are close and near and he is desperate.

The anguish Astarion wears on his face is mesmerizing. You reach out your hand and cradle his tense face in your palm, smoothing your thumb over the sharp curve of his cheekbone. Astarion leans his face into your touch. He scents the curve of your wrist and bites back a sharp moan. His pink tongue darts out between his teeth.

It’s easy to pretend not to understand what type of situation you’ve gotten yourself into. It’s a moment of shared vulnerability between the two of you. A play in two parts: Act I follows a concerned vampire as he worries endlessly about corrupting a pure soul, and Act II follows the mad descent he leads the soul on until the very depths of the hells are explored. Act III is when the depravity is embraced. Astarion likes to pretend otherwise, but he adores worrying over you. It’s a habit that he can’t shake now that he’s picked it up. He watches you and holds his breath, lips parted.

You see: It’s a game. A very careful, very orchestrated game.

Part of this is very healing for Astarion. In the same way it gives you power, it also gives him power — Cazador would have never given him the blood that he so desperately craves, but you will. You hold your hand out and Astarion places his chin into your palm, eyes fluttering shut at the tender touch. Your heart threatens to break.

What a beautiful man he is now on his hands and knees for you, and unlike those who came before you, you have no desire to hurt him. No, you think. You join him in the dirt on your knees and brush your fingers beneath his chin akin to how one would pet a cat. Astarion purrs and offers you his pout in exchange for a kiss.

Instead of indulging him, you take the hand he once offered you and place his fingers against your pulse as it jumps beneath your skin. Astarion’s pupils tighten. His mouth presses into a firm line. It might be your imagination, but his skin pinkens prettily for you.

‘Do you want a drink?’ you ask softly.

‘Please,’ he whimpers. ‘Just a taste. Only a drop.’

‘Only a little?’ you hum.

It’s the hour of the wolf and Astarion’s favorite time to prowl. You can pretend to be in control as much as you like, but you know the truth. All it would take is one mistake, and Astarion could easily devour you and drain you dry without another thought. He’s dangerous despite how you hate to admit it.

But that’s where the other’s usually forget. All your warnings, all your revelations, and the other members of your party see you as naught but who you claim to be. They are willfully ignorant of your dark nature. Astarion compliments it.

In some macabre way, tonight is a test. Will you kill Astarion, or will he kill you? If you were prone to betting, you would say that you would win. Your skill as the Blood of Baldur’s Gate is not to be taken lightly, but a vampire spawn who is hungry could easily overtake you.

If you wanted him to.

You swallow very carefully. You do want him to. It’s no romanticized obsession, but a simple longing that won’t go away no matter how hard you try. You think about it absentmindedly sometimes when you’ve done nothing but walk for miles upon miles.

Would your eyes turn red? Would the color be drained from your skin as your ichor was stolen? Would you look pretty as a vampire, carefully playing the part of a damsel at night? It would be a good disguise…but you don’t want it to be a disguise. You want it to be a reality, and that terrifies you.

You want Astarion. You need Astarion like air, like water. He’s the only thing keeping you grounded in this mess. He’s witty, cruel, rude — but you find that it helps you focus more than anyone else’s steadfast desire to be cured. Like Astarion, you don’t want to be cured. The tadpole is the one thing holding that murderous urge at bay even as unsuccessful as it seems.

You watch Astarion’s mouth. You study the way his lips tremble, how the muscle beneath his bottom lip tenses as he struggles to contain himself. Still, he does his best to make sure his expressions don’t betray his intentions. He doesn’t want you to know that he’s wondering the same thing. He eyes your throat hungrily. His nails drag across your pulse like a threat. He shakes.

Astarion won’t hurt you. You’re almost certain of it. Even as the nail of his thumb digs into your pulse, you know that he is pretending to struggle for your sake. His perceived lack of control excites you.

It entices you. His bravado is exhilarating. You like that he is playing it up for your sake. It reminds you of the night he first bit you and every night after that, but this is a ceremony unprecedented by the nights before. With the slightest pressure, Astarion tilts your chin back and watches.

You repeat yourself. ‘Astarion. Do you want a drink?’

‘More than anything,’ he whispers.

Astarion caters towards a façade he knows you enjoy. He’s petulant, pouty, and his eyebrows are drawn so tightly together that he reminds you of a stray beast. You look at his mouth again. He’s unable to hide the way his mouth waters. He moves his tongue behind his teeth almost as if they pain him, as if his teeth themselves are swollen. Drool catches on his plump lip.

‘Astarion — ’

‘Please,’ he says, voice low. He caves to your whims. ‘Like before, a taste, a sip, a drink. I’ve been good, I promise.’ He licks his lip. ‘I’m always good, now.’

‘You have,’ you say. ‘You’ve been very good.’

‘So I should get to drink,’ Astarion suggests.

You close your eyes and pretend to consider it. The thought of Cazador denying Astarion anything sickens you, and you try your best not to grind your teeth. This is a show, you have to remind yourself. A play. This is not about you, but about Astarion. You’ll acquiesce but you would be lying if you said you weren’t interested in seeing how far Astarion would allow you to push him.

‘I don’t believe you,’ you laugh. He squeezes your neck involuntarily.

‘I’m on my best behavior,’ Astarion insists. ‘I’ll show you, in exchange for a taste.’

‘A small taste,’ you allow. ‘A drop.’

Without thinking, Astarion pets your neck. He uses both hands to trace elegant lines along your throat. He scratches his nails across the line of your jaw without drawing blood. You want to kiss him, or to bite him, or to seek pleasure but now is not the time. Astarion is letting you in. He’s allowing you ever so politely to heal him.

If you call it healing, Astarion will bare his fangs and dismiss you. He wants to call it exploration. He finds your weaknesses, and you destroy his. It’s a good enough deal in your eyes. You kiss, you laugh, you dance together, and in the dark beneath a full moon, you search for answers.

You pull Astarion to you, your fingers fisted into the curls of his hair. You lead his mouth to the pulse in your neck and squeeze your thighs together, trying to ignore how unsteady you feel. Even though it’s pretend, Astarion’s weakness makes you warm at the core.

‘Thank you,’ Astarion whispers. He swallows hard.

He kisses your pulse wetly. He sinks his teeth into your neck with ease, and you play up the way you twist and shiver, groaning softly as if the sting of his fangs isn’t a familiar, welcome pain. He drinks a single drop as promised and leans back.

There is a thinness to the control Astarion shows you. He doesn’t have the confidence to pull too far away from you, and his eyes don’t leave the puncture wounds at your jaw. He wraps an arm around your waist and swallows sharply, turning his cheek the other way as if ashamed of how debauched you make him.

‘Good,’ you whisper. ‘You really are being good.’

‘So I can have more?’ Astarion asks.

‘What do you say when you want something?’

‘Please,’ Astarion says hoarsely.

Very carefully, you guide Astarion’s mouth back to the puncture wounds. This is something entirely new for him. A control that is both welcome and curious. He laps at your neck carefully, huffing out little noises against your skin as he collects droplets of your blood on the tip of his tongue. He takes his time in tasting you, in becoming mesmerized by the taste your life’s blood has to offer. Now Astarion knows that when he asks for something, you have very little ability to tell him no.

Not when he’s like this. Not when he’s being good.

Astarion being “good” almost sounds like a conundrum. Earlier today he was advocating for avoiding duties that could be seen as kindness. Now, you’re almost certain you could ask him for his help in anything and he would oblige. Not only has he found the freedom to feed whenever, he’s found the freedom in asking you. He had hesitated before, choosing to feast upon bad men. But even the good deserve their sins.

Not that it genuinely takes much to get you to agree to anything Astarion asks. As much sway as you hold over him, he holds over you. That’s why when he overstays and takes more blood than you wanted to let him, you say nothing.

You close your eyes. You shouldn’t, but something about Astarion’s bite always causes your mind to fog up until you can’t think of anything else. There’s no more draw to do something unseemly to one of your other companions. You don’t think you smell blood on your hands. You’re allowed to exist outside that ravenous bloodlust.

‘Enough,’ you tell Astarion.

He whines against your neck.

You can already imagine the excuses. I’m sorry, I lost focus, I was so thirsty, you really do have to forgive me, and if it were any other day, you’d swallow up his apologies as though they were lyrics to a song. You have to remind yourself: Today is not about you. Astarion asked you for this. You hum disappointedly and Astarion slinks away from your neck guiltily.

Except he doesn’t feel that guilty about it. His eyes are twinkling like they haven’t in hours. The more Astarion feeds on your blood, the more color that pools into his cheekbones and the tips of his ears. There is drool and blood mixed on his chin, and he doesn’t wipe it off. He offers you his chin and you take it, and carefully, you clean his face for him and wipe it on your camp clothes. The mess is a problem for another day. Astarion shamelessly stares at your neck instead of your eyes.

As if he’s practiced being pathetic for you, Astarion whines. He leans forward without permission and tries to sip at your neck again, but you catch him just in time. The refusal causes him to fuss and toss around on the dirt, crawling to you because he can’t help himself. He catches your fingers and pulls the mess you couldn’t clean to his lips, lapping at the spaces between your fingers for another taste of you.

‘If you want something,’ you say breathlessly, ‘how do we ask for it?’

‘I want your blood,’ Astarion says bluntly, eyes burning in the moonlight. ‘Please — Please let me have it. I could drink yours for hours.’

Gods be good. You steel yourself against his pretty words and shake your head. If you were to speak, your voice would betray how disgustingly turned on you are. Astarion knows it too. He always does. Behind the desire for your blood in his eyes is his desire to take you in fully. Your whims interest him because he’s never experienced them. Once, he said most fled once the fangs were in, but you kept coming back for more.

Your interests. His interests. Tonight is not an exchange of blood for sex or sex for blood. Astarion takes charge of his destiny, and you follow in his footsteps. Tonight is an exchange for power and safety. Only when he’s ready will you acknowledge your own hunger.

And thank the gods he does not make you wait for long. Astarion slips a hand between your thighs and presses his palm against where you’re the most tense with such confidence and precision your positions are almost flipped. Astarion has heard you beg many times. It’s almost his favorite pastime beyond hunting. You won’t do it tonight.

‘Drink,’ you command him.

His pout vanishes immediately. There is no careful, organized action behind how he pounces on you this time. He knocks you into the grass and bites you on the opposite side of where he bit you before as if to prove a point. His arms snake around you, one hand cradling your head to keep it from thrashing against the ground, and the other around your waist so you’re forced to arch your back for him.

Astarion drinks as though he’s never tasted blood before. It’s not the first time you’ve thought about it. Every time he presses his mouth to your skin, it’s like a sinner turning to prayer. You are not a saint nor an idol of perfect disposition. You are what the gods fear most. Yet when Astarion feeds from you so voraciously but holds you so tenderly, you feel like a delicate treasure.

He eats you. Mind, body, soul. He takes away your bad blood and casts it out like a venom. You shiver despite your best attempts to maintain a rigid figure. Astarion moans against your neck. When you least expect it, he presses a thigh between your legs and grunts encouragingly. He won’t use his words. Not when there’s drink to be wasted. With the last of your conscious thoughts, you push your fingers through his curls.

Astarion tempers your masochistic streak by being the one person in the world who can truly sate it. A vampire’s bite is never comfortable, and the chill of his body is never enough to dull the pain. Sometimes you’re able to sleep through it, when he’s being as gentle, as careful as he can.

He is rough with you this evening because it’s what you need. You choke out a weak cry as you begin rutting against his leg, and although your cheeks burn with shame, it’s the best thing you’ve done all week besides sleep in a real bed. Astarion feeds from you and you grind against him, drunk on the balance of interests.

This is what you were missing in Baldur’s Gate.

Astarion is free to ask for the things he wants without fear of penalty.

You can chase punishment.

Astarion rolls his hips against yours to help distract you from the power of his bite. It’s hard to focus when you can feel his tongue lapping at your pulse and your core feels so tight and hot that you can barely think beyond how much you want him. You try to look for the stars to ground yourself, but the only stars you can see are the stars dancing in your vision.

‘Astarion,’ you whisper.

He growls in response. The sound is begrudging. He wants to do good and pull away, to show you that he knows how to be good, but it’s another one of his tests. The first night, you almost succumbed to him because you were too distracted by blood loss to be of any use. Astarion wants you to know your limits as well. You gasp and turn your cheek. It’s so hard to focus…

‘Astarion,’ you hear yourself say, ‘that’s enough. You’ve had your fill.’

Finally, he pulls away from your neck. He’s ravishing. Astarion carries a pride to himself, an assurance, that you might not have seen from him if you weren’t so intent on helping him stand up on his own two feet. He licks your blood from his lips and slowly cleans the mess left on lips and cheeks, funneling what’s left into his mouth so that he can taste you for the rest of the evening. Your eyes flutter shut at the sight and that’s when you lose focus.

Astarion’s thigh is soft between your legs. You shamelessly grind against him. You feel weak, and you know you’re pallid and sweaty and boneless, and Astarion only makes it worse. Once he’s finished licking clean his fingers, he grabs you by the hips and helps you ride out your intent on his thigh. He leans over you.

‘Watch,’ you whisper.

‘Is that a command?’

‘Yes.’

Astarion smiles wickedly. ‘And what am I watching, my darling?’

‘I want you to watch as I cum,’ you say unashamedly.

You notice it again. How your words affect him. Astarion’s pupils tighten a bit more and he truly devotes his attention to you, watching as you writhe your hips against his leg, back arched off the dirt and sticks and rock. You must be an absolute sight to behold as you bleed and chase your pleasure, but all you can think about is his face right now as he watches like you told him to.

You cry wordlessly and try not to twist away out of habit.

It’s so hard to focus, to breathe. You feel like you’re running out of time with how dizzy you’re becoming, and Astarion helps you through it so that you can fuck yourself until you find relief. You can feel a knot forming in your lower back, Your thighs and calves are burning, and your throat is so hot and warm you can’t stop from moaning.

When you do find it, that senseless pleasure so deep in your core, you’re almost certain you pass out for a few minutes. You cut off the sound of your own orgasm by clenching your teeth together and stiffening, but Astarion is there to murmur encouraging things as you navigate whatever is left of your consciousness. It’s so hard to think, to be, to exist. But it’s worth it when you open your eyes and you’re met with the softest look Astarion has ever given you.

‘You did amazing,’ you say breathlessly.

Astarion laughs, not meanly or cruelly, but a sound full of reverence. ‘I did amazing?’ he asks. ‘Look at you, my love.’

Whatever it was that Astarion wanted to work through, he seems to have managed it. He rubs your sides soothingly as you try to cool down and warm up at the same time. Your hair is beginning to curl against your skin from how much you’ve sweated and how much blood you’ve lost. Even though it’s not as much as you would in battle, you still can’t help but curl up on your side and press a hand against your forehead, desperate for some clarity.

‘There you are, my precious little love,’ Astarion soothes sweetly. He kisses your temple.

‘Did I help you?’ you ask sleepily.

He doesn’t respond at first, and you don’t have the strength to look over your shoulder to try and see what he’s thinking about. He rubs a circle into your lower back. Your stomach begins to feel a little funny, like it’s filled to the brim with butterflies.

You welcome the silence. You doze off for a few minutes, comforted by the weight of his hand against your back. Your mind has never felt so empty before. There’s always a dull roar, and now… You press your fingers to your lips to hide your smile.

‘Once again,’ Astarion begins delicately, ‘I feel like you’ve given me something I can never fully thank you for. I am not so afraid now as I was before. That’s because of you.’

‘And because of yourself,’ you mumble. ‘You ought to give yourself credit. This was but a small test, and you passed.’

Astarion’s mouth pops open like he’s contemplating arguing, but he decides against it. You feel him lie down next to you, his chest to your back, his hips to your hips, his knees against your knees. Normally, you hold him like this — It’s a comfortable way to sleep, and you like being able to smell his skin.

‘How do you feel?’ Astarion asks you quietly.

Now it’s your turn to contemplate the severity of things. You don’t know how to address it, not when he’s sucked your brains through your skin and helped you fuck the rest of them out of your system. You rub an eye tiredly.

‘My mind is empty,’ you admit, ‘for the first time since I woke up aboard the ship.’Astarion hums like he’s conquered the world and peppers the nape of your neck in a thousand little kisses. You help him, he helps you. It isn’t a perfect system, but it’s your system. I love you dances on the tip of your tongue, and you’re almost to a dream when you hear Astarion say it back.

#astarion #astarion ancunin #astarion bg3 #astarion x tav #astarion x reader #astarion x you #astarion x oc #astarion smut #bg3 smut #from ，carcosa .#my fic #I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABOUT THE DYNAMICS HERE?#dare i say: this is extremely aerea/astarion coded #but it's not just for them if that makes sense like

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iamgodsoopsie · 4 months

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Astarion Headcanons (that you probably won't like) Pt. 2:

Part 1 link

Part 3 link

More Astarion headcanons! (that are mostly me projecting but with an Astarion flavored twist.)

BG3 does an excellent job at depicting SA trauma and the beginning of the healing process/journey. Many of the headcanons I've seen floating around (intentionally or unintentionally) gloss over the uglier side of healing from (prolonged) trauma. I'm not judging anyone for magically healing him, he's fictional after all, but I'd like to make some more ...realistic... headcanons.

Disclaimer: Everyone's healing process looks different, but they tend share commonalities. These headcanons are based on my own experiences. Not everyone who is healing from their trauma will experience what I have or have experienced it like I have.

[Please don't message me with explicit details about your trauma. I am at the point in my healing journey where I can share my experiences, and commiserate with other's similar experiences, but I am unable to support others in a more personal manner at this time. I wish you the best of luck in your healing process/ journey.]

Spoiler warning

Mental illness, SA, & DV Trigger Warnings: I cannot stress these enough this post is much more descriptive and potentially triggering than part one was.

These headcanons are based on an Astarion who is still a spawn and romantically involved with a Tav who honestly loves him and isn't abusive or manipulative. Also Cazador is dead and Astarion got to stab him. They also assume that he himself does not turn into Cazador 2.0 or Wish.com Cazador.

I hope you're ready for abrupt mood swings.

--- One minute he's codependent and can't make a decision on his own because he's overwhelmed, the next he's hyper-independent and will take offense at any suggestion you make.

----- Astarion is aware that staying in either of the two extremes is unhealthy and would eventually lead him to acting like Cazador.

^ This ties into point two: You need walk the fine line between patient and understanding while he processes "200 years of Shit. PURE SHIT!". And at the same time you need to be firm in your own boundaries with how you allow him to treat you.

--- He's gone 200 years without autonomy and has no memory of what life was like before Cazador turned him. He has no frame of reference other than romance novels and watching couples interact with each other from afar.

-----TBH the best thing for him is to stay in regular contact with Halsin. The man has the same flavor as trauma as Astarion while also having strong boundaries and open honest/ healthy communication in his relationships. He can unjudgementally help Astarion navigate the pitfalls of his healing journey through first hand experience.

Plus Ultra Catholic levels of guilt.

--- Guilt for what he did while he was a spawn. Guilt for how he started his relationship with you (even after you've told him you forgive him multiple times). Guilt for how he lashes out at the one person who has shown him unconditional love (you). Guilt because he feels like he's dragging you down into his darkness and tainting you. Guilt because he fears he's pulling you down to bring himself up. Guilt for feeling guilty because it doesn't absolve him of his sins and makes healing harder.

Self-esteem issues

--- He was SA'd for 200 years, he was forced into prostitution, he was tortured in every conceivable way, he was made to do reprehensible things and learned to find "joy" in them because he would've lost all of himself and his humanity otherwise.

------ His inner saboteur (who sounds like Cazador and himself simultaneously- adding to his self hate) tells him that he is disgusting, wrong, filthy, a burden, unlovable, undeserving of happiness, a monster.

------- Like everything else these thoughts will become less frequent and easier for him to handle as time goes on. All you can do is love him while he self-flagellates and hates himself. One day he'll see himself as you see him.

^ Tying into all the points above, especially the one right before this one. You're going to feel useless. Most of the time all you can do is demonstrate your love for him and sit there with him while he is bombarded with years of repressed feelings forcing their way out.

--- In the beginning your attempts to help him will frequently seem to have the opposite of their intended effect.

----- It's important that you be honest with him about how you're doing mentally. It does him no favors if you set yourself on fire to keep him warm.

------- You'll be angry on his behalf and can't exact revenge.

--------- That being said you are helping him so much more than you think you are. I cannot express in words how much just being there while Astarion slogs through the painful process of healing will help him.

^ ALL of these will get less intense and easier to deal with in time. He will heal and move on from his horrid past. But, it will involve a lot of trial and error. He will have periods of exponential growth followed by a hard backslide in progress. But he will get there.

I wouldn't say that loving Astarion is hard, but it does involve conscious effort on both his and your parts.

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nutria--oscura · 8 months

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The Oak family make me so mentally ill actually

Like, for starters, the generational trauma that cannot and will not be shaken off:

The very obvious first point is The Doodler. 'The Curse of The Doodler' passed down from generation to generation. Even after Lark and Sparrow release it, the curse still haunts them as the apocalypse they have to bear the blame for. Now Dood is walking amongst them, as a teen protected by the teens, and all Lark and Sparrow can do is look him in the eye (not even really). Lark wants to end this generational trauma by killing Dood but Normal wants to do it but helping it (parallel to what we see happen in s2 ep23 when they sit on the Throne).

The next obvious ones are the veganism (has been an Oaks thing since Hildy's grandmother, if not great-grandmother).

and the 'shoes on' household. Something Henry started due to always being barefoot in Oakvale cause of Barry's Rules. Something that is still instilled with Normal and Hero.

All of the Oaks have a dislike towards their kids/parents. Hildy hated Barry cause he abused her for so long and in the final years of her life he abandoned her in Oakvale and left her to die. Barry and Henry fought constantly, Barry creating more Oakvalians cause Henry would never have been good enough for him. Henry and Lark straight up just do not get along, especially after Henry took the Gauntlets of Ogre Power (which in Lark's eyes caused Walter to get injured and almost caused Sparrow to die), ESPECIALLY after Henry pulled to rogue card. Henry and Sparrow don't talk anymore which is something I will get into later on. Lark and Sparrow weren't even Henry's favourite kids, it was his pet bird Beanie. Honestly, I'm kind of scared to see what Henry and Birdie's relationship is like. Then we have Sparrow and Normal. Sparrow is open about being not being proud of Normal and wishing he was more 'normal'. Finally we have Sparrow and Hero. Sparrow probably isn't that proud or happy with Hero either since she just noped out of being the chosen one. (check out this post)

Another kinda obvious one, the (very strong) family resemblance. They all look so alike, so similar, of course they're going to be the least likely to change and break tradition. (post)

SPARROW AND HENRY NO LONGER TALKING - so many implications. Like, is it because of the shit Lark and Sparrow pulled with Hero? Cause he married a centrist (/j)? Was it because Sparrow (potentially) used the memory syringes on Rebecca to keep their marriage in tact(more in a bit)? Some other reason which we will later find out? Is it why Sparrow can no longer turn into a Love Wolf? Or the final straw as to why he can't?

SPARROW, REBECCA AND THE SYRINGES - So. In s2 ep18 when Normal asks Sparrow if Rebecca knew about all the Doodler stuff, Sparrow says "Your mom doesn't know… about what's going on." ... "that's kind of how we… stayed married." Later, we get to know, from Hero, that Rebecca did in fact know what was happening - that she was involved in what happened to Hero when she was younger, "mom and dad, just sort of looked at me as like, the golden child. They weren't like with me, they were like demanding things of me." So potentially, Lark and/or Sparrow used the syringes on Rebecca cause she threatened their marriage over what happen with Hero. (POST)

Speaking of Hero's childhood - Other than what happened very obviously traumatising her, "they showed me a glimpse of the Doodler for a second and I cried for 3 weeks straight," it also very heavily strained her relationship with Normal: "I feel like things have been choppy between us for a while" ... "It felt like I shouldn't befriend you, cause I knew at some point I'd have to like, sacrifice myself heroically and I didn't want to make you lose me in that way, so I felt like 'I should just keep him at arms length.' " It is suck a stark contrast and parallel to the (toxically) codependent relationship Lark and Sparrow have

HENRY - The fact that Henry is the last of the dads that is alive is so depressing and so expected. He has elf blood and is a high level druid, of course he's still alive. He is (most probably - we don't know the situation with Mercedes and Birdie) alone, all of his closest friends are dead, his sons don't talk to him and because of that he probably hasn't seen his grandchildren in ages either. If something happened to Mercedes and Birdie and Henry is truly alone, there are parallels with Hildy's final years (this post and the tags)

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wendytestabrat · 4 months

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cartman’s behavior in “jewpacabra” explained

something that always stood out to me abt this episode when i first watched it (and btw this was WAYYYY before people started changing their stance abt cartman and realizing he’s not all that horrible, this was when he was still in his menace era and people would shit on cartman all the time) was how sad & pitiful cartman was in this episode. like honestly when i watch this one i can’t help but feel bad for cartman bc this episode rlly highlights how truly delusional and fucked up in the head he is and how he can’t help it, and it also rlly shined a light on cartman’s schizophrenia & mental issues too how he was imagining this thing in his head (which was the jewpacabra) that wasn’t even real and then there was that whole sequence/dream cartman had where he was a jew and all that. i think a lot of cartman’s anti-semitism stems from mental illness and delusions he has which they also explored further in “cupid ye” how when once cupid me was on his meds he stopped being an anti-semitic asshole bashing jews. and i DEF don’t think cartman’s anti-semitic behavior in this episode was him being malicious or anything bc he actually delusionally believed there was a creature named jewpacabra that was out to get him LOL and then he was scared af and thought he was gonna die and shit. i feel like the episode def did start out with cartman just being an anti-semitic dick as usual and trying to mess with kyle over the jewpacabra thing but then as the episode went on it took a DARK turn bc cartman started believing the thing he made up in his head was real. and i feel like this is what kyle finally realized later on in the episode, which was why he felt bad for cartman and unchained him & took him home. at first kyle assumed this what just cartman being a bigoted asshole as usual going after jews which was why he was pissy at cartman AF in the beginning bc he took it personally and assumed cartman was just trying to harass him, but then he had a moment of mercy for cartman when he rescued him at the end. i feel like what was going through kyle’s head was him realizing cartman wasn’t trying to be an asshole but he was genuinely scared of something that wasn’t real to the point he got himself chained up outside in the cold, so he just felt bad for cartman & pitied him bc he realized this was more about him just being an ignorant delusional idiot than it was about him being cruel or mean. so yeah OFC kyle couldn’t stand to let cartman stay out there in the cold all sad & scared over something that he was suffering from which was a straight up schizophrenia episode, which ofc triggered kyle’s codependent side. that’s also why at that scene at the end kyle went easy on cartman and was nice to him when cartman was saying how he believed in juddaism now and all that LOL. cartman tells kyle how kyle prob thinks he’s lying or making it all up and kyle is just like “i know you’re not” bc kyle realized cartman rlly wasn’t lying bc he delusionally believed this shit. bc normally if something like that happened kyle would just get mad and be like “you’re not jewish fatass!1!1!” 😡 but kyle decided not to get mad and take shit personally this time and was able to overlook his behavior and see what was RLLY going on with cartman. i also love how kyle didn’t reveal at the end that HE was the one who took him home and just decided to let cartman believe it was a ‘passover miracle’. i feel like this episode parallels “smug alert” A LOT how cartman didn’t want kyle to find out he was the one who saved him bc he didn’t want kyle to know how much he cares abt him. so i feel like kyle was the same exact way in this episode, he was prob embarrassed with himself for trying to help cartman and didn’t want cartman to find out how much he cares.

#south park #kyman #KYMANRANTGARBAGE

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confessmau · 3 months

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I do not think “Laurence’s out of control shadow knight tendencies could lead to abusive actions” should be seen as demonizing mental illness. I mean Laurence canonically left because he didn’t want to harm and/or kill her, which he feared he may do because of being a shadow knight, because as far as I know very few shadow knights have ever resisted that urge. Aphmau is also his most credited tether to his humanity, and he has all the Jesson Love Interest problems of boundary crossing and jealousy (most poeple just take it more seriously as Laurence traits for some reason, maybe see them as actually fitting his personality or maybe his bouts felt more in character, just important to point out that they are generally seen as his traits and not just Jesson Writing)

People taking those facts and coming to the conclusion that if him and Aphmau were to form a romantic relationship, it would be unhealthy or even abusive is not them demonizing Laurence or his mental illness (honestly I don’t like calling being a shadow knight a mental illness at all, but it’s the closest real life thing and has symptoms that mirror real life mental illnesses so. I get it. It just doesn’t sit right with me personally) it’s just them having a different conclusion than you. I understand both sides, I love a good love conquers story but also with how centered around Aphmau Laurence’s shadow knight half is, I could absolutely see a relationship between them being unhealthy or even, dare I say, abusive.

And one last thing. Abuse≠Physical. I doubt anyone is saying Laurence would take part in domestic violence. I think it’s more that it could get very Emotionally unhealthy and unintentionally abusive. Think unhealthy one sided codependency, the jealousy, potentially protectiveness morphing into possessiveness. Things like that.

Again. Not saying a relationship between them Would And Should Turn Out Like That And If You Don’t Think So You’re WRONG I am saying it is just another interpretation of the characters and their dynamics, and automatically thinking anyone who has an interpretation that is not Her Love Does Save Him Actually, is just being ableist and demonizing is kinda not cool. It’s just people coming to different conclusions and potentially exploring them. Which is what is keeping this fandom alive.

#aphmau #aphblr #confessions #minecraft diaries #aphmau laurance #aphverse #laurmau #laurance zvhal #shadow knights

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tranakin-skywalker · 5 months

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20, 21, 22 for anakin for the ask game?

20. Which other character is the ideal best friend for this character, the amount of screentime they share doesn't matter?

I feel like Obi-Wan is the easy answer here (doesn't mean it's not true though, two halves of a whole warrior- yadayada. They are so mentally ill about each other but separate them and everything breaks)

Goddamn this is a lot harder to answer than I thought it would be. The problem with Anakin is he doesn't really have friends. He'd got people he's friendly with, certainly, but those seem more like familiar acquaintances than real friendships. Anakin jumps straight over the friendship stage and right into insane codependent batshittery. There is no in-between. If you're going to be buds with Anakin Skywalker you have to be chill with him dropping the fact that he will gladly burn down the entire galaxy for you into casual conversation. That's not a thing for the faint of heart.

Now that I think about it though, Anakin and Sabe as BBFs would be really fun (I am maybe feeling shrimp emotions over the 2020 Darth Vader comics. Just a bit.) Canon gave them a rocky reintroduction but I think if Sabe had been brought in on the whole secret marriage thing, she and Anakin could have really hit it off.

21. If you're a fic writer and have written for this character, what's your favorite thing to do when you're writing for this character? What's something you don't like?

I don't think this is something that's really shown up in anything I've published yet, but I think it's really really fun to make Anakin do domestic stuff, because there is something just so off about it. He is entirely incapable of doing Normal People things because of his general Everything. Like, I don't think this is a guy capable of doing normal housecleaning. Instead, he is going on a 3 am spiral deep cleaning the bathroom floor with an old toothbrush because he did something that his poor hell brain interprets as some great moral failure (broke Obi-Wan's mug on accident) and this is the only way to make it right. Trauma of being a child slave, you know?

Like holy shit, the neurosis of this guy make is so that every little thing he does has this extra layer of 'what the shit??' intensity behind it. I think that's fun.

Something I dislike having to do (at least 4/5 times) is figure out how to write his dialogue. Sometimes it comes pretty easy but half the time I'm wondering if I'm writing his lines in character. His dialogue is just all over the place, so it's hard to know. Guy says "You are in my very soul, tormenting me," full pussy. Which is, ya know, something I have to keep in mind.

Honestly my quick cheat is to come up with the most autistic delivery of what I want him to say and I'm usually golden lmao

22. If you're a fic reader, what's something you like in fics when it comes to this character? Something you don't like?

When people write him smart. Like, holy shit, I don't think there's a bigger turn off for me when reading a fic as when the author makes Anakin an idiot. This is a character who is scary smart both in a traditional sense, but also tactically. Child fucking prodigy material. I really appreciate it when a fic acknowledges his intelligence.

And (maybe controversial take??) I think he's actually very emotionally aware, both of his own emotions and of the people around him. He just has a hard time translating that awareness into appropriate action. I think he's deeply in tune with what other people are thinking and feeling (maybe too much), it's just when it comes to actually doing something about that where he fumbles hard.

Fics that treat Anakin like he's completely oblivious to the emotions of other people just rub me the wrong way.

#sorry i was at work all day yesterday so i'm only now able to answer these

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ravenkinnie · 1 year

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do you think silco secretly enjoys that Jinx is well-disliked in his own business because it's all the better for him to keep her all to himself?

honestly it's probably not something that exists on a conscious level like he doesn't sit in his office cackling evilly to himself about how jinx has no friends but implicitly, it works out in his favour lmao like it's probably mostly a hindrance that the one thing that constantly undermines him is everybody distrusting his judgement on jinx but also. any way you slice their relationship, it is to some extent emotionally incestuous (vi and jinx even more so, she's so unwell) and codependent - we just don't really see it as clear until vi enters the picture because overall, jinx and him have he same level of mental illness fear of abandonment and she likely very much wants him to have her as the only person in his life too. but then vi is the only person who actually threatens this dependency between them and silco will say anything, outright manipulate jinx to make sure she doesn't detach. I do imagine that if anyone else outside of vi was the same threat, whether its another confidant, a friend or romantic interest, he would probably do the same. it's just that it's not an issue because nobody cares about jinx and jinx does not care about other people lmao

#asks #silco and jinx #silco

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clonerightsagenda · 1 year

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accidentally recreated the oldest and most tired FMA fandom joke on discord this evening

Kat Harrowhark is Hohenheim if he was a mentally ill teen lesbian

Gill Hm. Hmmmm. I get what you’re saying but the above messages were Certainly Something to read back to back when I got home just now

Kat lmao my apologies

Gill It’s just funny bc I’m like “wait why is Harrow like Hohenheim in the specific context of the above panel” before I Realized

Kat nah she is just a philosopher's stone made of the murder of her people Everyone talks about the HS and warhammer influences on TLT but I do feel like it has some FMA vibes particularly in that Hiromu Arakawa is perhaps too into deeply unbalanced codependent partners

Gill “Riza and Roy are little bit too much like a prototype necro/cav pair”, I thought, before remembering that there’s at least two or three other FMA duos that fit that bill also Ling and Lan Fan, Ed and Al themselves, Scar and Mei, also Izumi and her husband,

Kat Arakawa loves her brawler duo especially if one of them is sworn into service to the other and kind of insane about it Olivier and that dude with the mohawk Arakwa I only find this Romantic (capital r not necessarily lowercase) if they can quit their job

Gill Iirc (it’s been A Very Long While since I read the endgame chapters) isn’t Father’s master plan that turns him into a bishie not entirely unlike Cam and Pal’s soul gestalt gambit? Except with Cam and Pal it was more or less mutually consensual and God wasn’t involved,

Kat hm. he retained his own personality, he just slorped up souls for fuel. closer to John eating Alecto really no one really pulls a Paul although frankly given how everyone behaves in this story I'm honestly shocked no one give them ideas

Gill Gotta draw the line somewhere

Kat which fma characters would die fusing their souls together into some platonic ideal of their relationship that is also kind of a corruption arc bc it involves self destruction, a list tbh though everyone seems more keen on dying before the other person in their little battle couple

Gill Hmmmm You know if anyone was gonna do it I think it’d be Roy and Riza

Kat would Roy and Riza haha I was gonna say or is their self hatred THAT strong

Gill Is their mutual devotion/co-dependence stronger than their individual self-loathing? Find out next week on Fullmetal Alchemist: Locked Tomb Edition

Kat wait a second I cannot fucking believe this because she is always the punchline of FMA jokes but canonically the person who pulled a Paul non consensually was Nina always comes back to the fucking dog

Gill God damnit

#tales from the group chat #well not really #be warned this post contains implied nona the ninth spoilers

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dangermousie · 6 months

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I love how she can automatically tell which one is him, but also so much of Ling's bucket of trauma is filled because he never truly developed a sense of self outside of Sheng and then Sheng killed himself and...well. (Something I found very very telling btw is that he doesn't let the nun who asked after his brother know that his brother is dead because she's a nice person so why upset her. So often when we have a ML with trauma and/or "wild," the narrative views it as a license for them to be a bastard. Ling has serious issues and he's very laddish (to use a British term), but he is consistently a decent person on a very basic level. It's what makes this whole relationship possible. One can be happy with a person who has issues but not a person who's cruel or mean.)

Since this is a rewatch, ummm ummmm UMMMM UMMMMMMMM. It's so interesting to me that both QL and Tong Dao are twisted mirrors of Sheng - QL a lighter one - the one who actually is the way Ling viewed Sheng as - and TD an openly psycho one. Sheng was...well...a better covering up TD (and his obsession with his bro was not sexual, obviously) but the older I get, the less ugh I feel about him because just like Ling, he was failed by every adult around them - the adults basically ensured the two twins would have a codependent relationship and seeing the amount of mental illness and trauma in Ling's family and anyone's lack of any attempt to do anything about it until they really jumped off the cliff much too late and then overdid it the other way and stuck Ling in a literal straight jacket and asylum for violently insane...well, not a fan of Sheng but kid had no chance. (Side note, I love the drama having no issue by giving its ML the OTP that is explicitly the non-related, girl version of the idealized version of his twin; a person whose death left him with a psychic wound and was the last straw for a lot of stuff that was already there - his trauma was in a way fixed by having that relationship restored only now romantic and healthy.)

If QL was "normal," I'd perhaps tell her to consider if she wants to get into a relationship with someone who collapses with a full on panic attack due to hallucinations (!!!) because that is a lot of heavy lifting, but her demons are just as bad if different and the narrative is very good at selling me on the fact that nobody else would do for either of these very damaged, very idiosyncratic people. So much of this story is about mirrors - in the most basic way, Ling and Sheng being identical twins, but also Tong Dao and Ling, Qi Luo and Sheng, but ultimately, Qi Luo and Ling are the biggest most complimentary mirrors.

I love that she lost it only after she competently administered first aid. I love her. And I love that he apologizes for her terror. Honestly, they are both so very decent, on a very fundamental level.

When she asks him to come back to college because she now enjoys going and he looks like he's melting...

I loved this bit, where she tells she wants to watch him go because every time he leaves, she is worried she won't see him again and I think it's like a hammer to his walls because she has seen him at his darkest (strangling Ah Bin), most honest (talking about his twin or psych ward) and most damaged (collapsing) and she still thinks he hangs the moon. Being loved as opposed to lusted over or whatever is heady enough, but being seen and being loved for that is...for someone with his issues, it's catnip. (This is the first time he can actually be weak around someone and for it to be OK - for everyone else he's either a status symbol due to looks, a nuisance (fam), needs to be protector (Sheng) or just doesn't let them in (everyone else) but here is QL and it's amazing for him.)

The way she quietly waits, awwww. PS I love that Daye is not pining for her in the least. He gave it his best try, it did not work out and he is all "well, moving on." God, he is so sane. In a lot of ways, he's the best person in the story, even if not suited for QL, and I am so happy he gets his own love and happiness.

#twdrama #mars #barbie hsu #vic chou

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noxexistant · 11 months

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OKAY BUT WHY ARE YOU GONNA FREAKING TEASE US LIKE THAT. ARE YOU DIAGNOSING THE DELANCEYS OR NOT?!

IM SORRY i was too busy fully crying over the overwhelming response encouraging me to keep talking about my blorbos :’) i got very in my own head that i was being annoying, particularly about the delanceys, but hearing SO MANY PEOPLE ask to hear more is so wild n lovely n auuuuughhh i love you all

ANYWAY. we’re pulling the boys out of the blender to psychoanalyse them for once

cw; talk of food issues, abuse, substance abuse, plus all the usual stuff for my delancey interpretations

it’s rambling time

first of all, oscar.

he absolutely has symptoms of antisocial personality disorder, to start us off.

antisocial personality disorder, like bpd, can be caused both genetically and by abuse/neglect/instability during childhood, and details such as parents abusing alcohol or other substances can factor in. i headcanon both the delanceys’ parents to have abused alcohol, and particularly their mother to have been bipolar, which affects their upbringing and their own genetics/vulnerability to mental illness.

oscar is just so angry, all the time, as a child - nothing is fair, nothing is okay, and there isn’t even anything he can do about it. it’s this crushing sense of frustration and fear and helplessness. even at school, even when he’s really, honestly trying his best, he can’t pay attention. he knows he’s incredibly lucky to be going to school at all - morris’ll never go - but that just means he’s in trouble there as well as at home. he gets caned at school and then comes home to get beat. it’s not fair. nobody listens, nobody treats him well, but he has to look after morris anyway even though nobody’s ever looked after him.

the anger calcifies as he gets older. solidifies into this mass that sits inside him, taking up all the space for anything good. he becomes aggressive and impulsive, and learns to stop caring about other people because none of them can be trusted - enough people have proven themselves awful, his parents and everyone on the streets and snyder and the other kids in the refuge and weasel, so he’ll stop trying and trust they’re all the same. even someone who might not be a threat is probably worthless and useless, he has nothing to gain from doing anything but getting them out of the way, and oscar recognises his hypocrisy because he used to think similar things about morris, but morris is different.

morris is a part of oscar. he isn’t an outsider, he isn’t like anybody else, he’s the only thing in the entire world worth caring about, and oscar does. he doesn’t feel anything when he hurts or scares anyone else, at most feels a sense of satisfaction, but his stomach drops out when he accidentally scares or hurts morris, by shouting at him or moving too fast or doing one of the things that makes morris go empty-eyed and far away. oscar feels sick with guilt then - really, physically sick with it, like it’s surrounding the black mass of his anger and there isn’t enough space for it and it all just starts spilling out - and he doesn’t know how to cope. he doesn’t know how to stomach his love for morris. especially not when it has to sit next to all the anger like that. he tries so hard to keep the two away from each other, but he still gets angry at morris often, although nowhere near as often as he gets aggressive with anybody else. he hits morris sometimes, even though he really doesn’t mean to, and morris always says it’s okay. he says he’s not scared of oscar, not really, no matter what, because they’re them - the two of them, one entity. they’re entirely codependent.

morris has borderline personality disorder. which is also influenced by his autism - these two types of black-and-white thinking and sense of justice and general perception of the world, feeding into each other and creating a sense of isolation that keeps him away from everyone but oscar. oscar’s the only person who can be trusted, and morris loves him more than anything - way, way more than he loves himself, which is not at all. every part of morris, his moods and emotions and his worth and his willingness to do anything, ride wholly on oscar’s mood at that moment and how he’s treating morris. morris is far more likely to hurt himself if oscar is upset with him or not talking to him, which oscar knows, so once they’ve been in the refuge for a while he stops being upset with morris for any longer than the duration of one of his outbursts. he won’t let morris hurt himself anymore, will often encourage morris to hit him instead of hitting himself when he’s upset or frustrated.

still, morris is forever terrified that oscar will leave him just like ma and pa did, so he tries to be good. he tries to always agree with oscar, and keeps quiet when oscar’s having a bad turn, and he doesn’t get mad back even when oscar hits him, though that’s also in part because he can’t. the second morris gets hit like that, he shuts down - thinking about pa - and then everything’s gone for a few hours, maybe a day if it’s really bad. he’s lost months to dissociation before, whole years with only brief glimpses of the surface before he went back down, particularly while he and oscar were in the refuge. there’s things that scare him and upset him that he doesn’t understand because they’re parts of memories he doesn’t remember. he has little to no sense of self and no sense of self-worth, he has bouts of being sure he doesn’t need anyone but oscar and bouts of feeling so lonely he can hardly breathe. he feels empty a lot, but also feels angry and sad and desperately scared, and sometimes giddily happy but it never seems to last long. he thinks about dying a lot.

he also definitely has arfid. it’s a mix of a lot of triggers - his autistic sensitivity to foods, all his trauma surrounding food, and low interest in eating anyway because he can’t understand his own hunger cues and tends not to really enjoy food. he’s been malnourished his whole life, and largely still is, even nearing adulthood - he won’t eat like oscar does, wolfing down a whole plateful of whatever’s on offer, he can’t. he’s sick if he tries to eat food he doesn’t want, and/or has meltdowns. it terrifies oscar, who is just desperate for morris to eat at least enough to be healthy, but even oscar usually can’t convince morris to eat. he focuses on getting the particular foods that morris does like instead, and always keeping them so that he can get morris to eat a bite or two at a time throughout the day. on morris’ worst days, oscar will get him candy - his favourite, the only thing he’ll always eat - and let him eat that like a meal so he’s at least eating something.

that being said, oscar isn’t great about consuming stuff either. he likes alcohol too much, and he’ll do his damnedest to not drink a drop in front of morris but he’ll often sneak out once he knows morris is asleep and duck into a bar for an hour or two. he drinks like he’s trying to knock himself out, which he usually is. he likes a bar fight too - meaningless, usually, and no-holds-barred. he’ll glass someone for saying anything bad about his brother, or anything good about his parents. he drinks what his father used to, because he knows what it’s called and what it tastes like - he’d used to steal swigs from the bottles left out, when he was a little kid. he’d made morris try too, when he was the age oscar’d been when he first tried, but he’d spat it straight back out. oscar’d laughed at him, but now he’s grateful. morris hurts himself enough without adding drinking to the mix.

both of them have c-ptsd. morris has nightmares every single time he falls asleep for long enough, and doesn’t sleep much because of it. oscar has adhd - it influences his aggression and frustration, this constant burning restlessness that exists within him. he’s deeply impatient with anything he finds boring, which includes most people, and he most commonly “stims” with violence. the vast majority of morris’ stims border on self-harm, and he self-harms to stim too, but he has some positive stims - rocking back and forth, bouncing on his heels, stomping his feet, tracing the edges of objects, echolalia. he chews on things, including his own thumb, which he does both because it feels nice and because it hurts. sometimes that’s the same thing to him. he sucks his thumb too, especially for comfort, which ties into one final detail

morris age regresses, or does something adjacent. it’s this kind of undiagnosable no man’s land between his trauma and autism and developmental disability, but mainly just characterised by vulnerability and childishness. oscar’s the only one who really knows, mostly because he’s the only one who could ever notice, but he gets even more protective when he knows morris is more vulnerable - entirely nonverbal, just stimming and comfort-seeking. that’s when oscar sticks right by morris’ side, not getting restless or seeking out any fights for once, not talking for any reason other than to give morris something to listen to. just…looking after his brother, as best he can.

#i have. so many more ideas. because of course i do #but this is already so long and maybe does not make sense #and any of you are more than welcome to ask if you want more or particular details or more on one thing i mentioned #idk thank u all so much for humouring me i hope this is okay i love u #morris delancey #oscar delancey #my headcanons #answered #sparkedblaze

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dreamsclock · 2 years

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Its v confusing to me when ppl say headcanoning c!Dream as nd is villainizing neurodivergent ppl. Like as someone who is autistic & adhd for me it does the opposite? It makes c!Dream feel more human and real. Mayb thats just the apologist brainroy tho lmao

not only is it confusing, it’s also borderline infantilising. (long post!)

sure, a character who is a villain BECAUSE they’re neurodivergent is vilifying and ableist. usually the shows/books/movies who follow this trope add a layer of stigma to a group that is already stigmatised — im thinking of the movie split and what a harmful (and incorrect) message that spread about people with dissociative identity disorder. there are loads of pieces of media out there where those characters exist, and it’s only in the last ten or so years we’ve started (slowly) moving away from them, imo.

HOWEVER, there is a difference between a character who is evil BECAUSE OF their neurodivergency, and a character who is evil AND neurodivergent. at that point, the two ‘traits’ (evil + neurodivergent) aren’t codependent on each other, and instead exist outside of each other. the character doesn’t do evil things because they’re neurodivergent: they do things for other reasons, and their neurodivergency affects them. they’re not linked.

the thing i dislike about the “evil characters can’t be neurodivergent” protest is that it sets neurodivergent people up to an impossible standard. it says “neurodivergent people cannot possibly be evil or bad” and plays into the “innocent + pure good” trope of neurodivergency that verges on infantilising. neurodivergent people who do bad things exist ,, neurodivergent people who do good things exist. neurodivergence isn’t what makes someone good or evil and claiming nd evil characters are vilifying neurodiversity isn’t looking at the bigger picture — or real life.

c!dream, for example, has adhd. his actor does, the character is playing by the actor, it’s an understandable headcanon and it makes sense. c!dream also does horrible, terrible things. he didn’t abuse c!tommy in exile because he has adhd 💀 sure, looking at his actions through a lens of having adhd is a valid lens to have — his character has adhd, so of course it’s going to affect him and his line of thought / his actions etc — but his adhd doesn’t ,, mean he’s evil ?? and headcanoning that he (an ‘evil’ character) has adhd doesn’t mean calling adhd evil ?

honestly, the problem for me is really viewing people + characters as black-and-white good or evil, which leads ppl to see c!dream having adhd = vilification of neurodivergency. because a BAD character can’t have neurodivergency, he’s BAD, that implies everything about him is BAD!! like the moment u start claiming c!dream being neurodivergent means neurodivergency is vilified, say goodbye to blond haired people: they’re also vilified!! and people whose name starts with d!! and green eyed people!!

like at the end of the day headcanoning a character as nd isn’t trying to excuse or justify bad actions they do. but it offers perspective into their character, allows more depth for a character, and also negates the slowly growing social media purity culture that says “nd people can’t do anything wrong”

(tldr saying a character is evil BECAUSE they’re nd or mentally ill is weirdchamp but saying a character is evil AND nd should be normalised. nd is just another adjective to describe someone at the end of the day)

#wrote this a while ago so if it doesn’t make sense i am Sorry #dreblr #long post #tw ableism

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yuukei-yikes · 1 year

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can we get uhhhhhh some hibiya thoughts

yes. yes. yes. i fucking love hibiya. he's LITERALLY A LITTLE GUY when i got into kagepro he was one of my faves actually cuz he was the closest to my age at the time. i was 13… im 22 now! lol thats not weird at all *eye twitch* sry ive been weird abt the passage of time lately. erm wait this isnt my therapy session <- doesnt go to therapy

HIBIYA. LITTLE GUY. my thoughts on him………honestly, i recently reread all the novels and god his intro chapters were HARD to read. all the creepy stuff abt hiyori yknow. i was cringing so hard. i kinda wanna ignore it bc i'd rather do that with the weird bits kagepro has to offer, but not to get rid of it completely. like id take away hibiyas whole thing abt a collection of hiyori pics but still keep the aspect of him that worships her. and how that dynamic would COMPLETELY go away post str.

post str hibiya is VERY different from how he started out. i mean. 10 year old timeloop…. he hasn't grown at all mentally like he has to process all this with his 12 year old brain, but going through all he did he just kinda looks at things rly differently now. not obsessed with hiyori, for one…. and she's also different to him. their relationship changes drastically bc now they both respect each other LOL listen i know im annoying with my codependent relationship headcanons but… eyes hibiya and hiyori

these bitches are 12. spent 10 years watching each other die over and over and literally die for each other. AND THEN THEY GET EACH OTHER BACK? ERM. yeah theyre NOT letting go of each other. its not so much codependency as much as it is awful awful awful separation anxiety. god are there any fics of hibiya and hiyori going back home and having a breakdown at having to separate and go to their own houses (bc in the city they were living together so it doesnt hit that they need to separate until they go home)???

hiyori would still be kinda bitchy and bossy but definitely not horrible to hibiya. and also her attitude hits different when she's also always holding his hand and refusing to go anywhere without him and throwing tantrums when any of the dan members even imply any activity that would require to separate them. and she wouldnt rly be embarrassed abt it i think hiyori would be super open and vocal abt HIBIYA HAS TO BE WITH ME ALL THE TIME !!!!!! and hibiya isnt even flustered hes just like *NODDING NODDING NODDING* bc he's the same with her. girl… SEPARATION ANXIETY HIBIHIYO<3 mekadan so sick in the head <3 they have 78 undiagnosed mental illnesses <3

not to make it abt my future headcanons of psych major hibiya but. new generations man. hibiya is 10000% the one in the dan going like GUYS WHAT HAPPENED TO US WAS SOOOO MESSED UP and everyone's like lol yeah !!!! and he's like DONT LOL ABOUT THIS IM FUCKING SERIOUS??? especially since he's such a fucking outsider to everything like everyone else's been experiencing all these tragedies since they were born and he just kinda. had a normal life before? and like i said NEW GENERATIONS MAN THEYRE PSYCHOANALYSING THEMSELVES AND EVERYONE AROUND THEM…. the dan is so used to this shit that they kinda lmao rock and roll thru it and hibiyas like NO. NO. NO. EVERYONE. THERAPY. NOW!!!!!! it becomes his special interest he starts getting all into psychology and when he comes back to the city for his visits suddenly he's diagnosing everyone with stuff and the dans like *shaking* MAKE THE KID SHUT UP also realises he has separation anxiety with hiyori and works on it. hiyori is surprisingly the one most terrified of letting go. and like i said…. 10 year long time loop being processed in a 12/13 year old brain.. hibiya is SUPER self aware. he makes sure of it

ok and. heh. haruka. THE WHOLE HIBIYA HIYORI AND HARUKA THING COULD BE ITS OWN POST… SO… IM LEAVING IT HERE CUZ THIS IS ALREADY SUPER LONG but im just gonna say. hibiya's IN DENIAL of konoha being gone. he keeps expecting haruka to go away. hibiya THINKS he's super mature, and he is for his age bc of all this shit and his willingness to understand his problems and everyone else's. and everyone else also think he is mature, but this is just something he can't stop being a 12 year old about. his friend is gone! WHY does it have to be gone!?!? especially in an ending where hiyori is back. if she wasnt, then he'd be more accepting of the losses bc there were 2 both konoha and hiyori and like it becomes another whole thing abt letting go and mourning but if she is back…everything is supposed to be perfect!! everyone made it back!! why couldn't konoha? why does it have to be gone? its not fair! he doesnt care this haruka was the body's true owner!! konoha was his friend! it also deserved to live as much as this haruka guy!!! why is HE more important!!!?!?!?!? and he just. he's just insanely immature abt it. and he knows he is but truth is he's just really fucking sad and regretful about konoha being gone. i could also talk about hiyori and harukas feelings abt it but heheh yeah this is super long. erm. hibiyita el chiquito <3 hibiya throwing a tantrum in front of the whole dan abt how it isnt fair and how he wishes haruka would just die. LMAO. he is 12. if anyone has fic commissions open Eye eye

also erm wholesome one before i end it. he makes little miniature dolls of the whole dan<3 he's BAD at typing on his new smartphone but since he lives away hes always texting in the gc<3 he gets super into mobile games<3 amongus fan hibiya asking all his grownup friends with jobs and no time for amongus if anyone can play with him<3 they do bc theyre busy but there will always be time to amongus with friends<3

#ask tag #headcanons #hibiya amamiya #hiyori asahina

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