#but barbie is fuckin great

[happygomadhatter]

y'know what i didn't expect 2023 to be the year i wholly and publicly embraced my lifelong love of barbie but here we are and i couldn't be more thrilled, barbie rocks guys

#barbie #for such a long time barbie was a guilty pleasure #something i felt silly about still enjoying #something i pretended i only enjoy because of nostalgia #but barbie is fuckin great #the movies go hard #have you seen the villains in these movies?? #murderers and hardcore criminals #and barbie goes up against them with the power of love and friendship while wearing glittery pink dresses #and the Lore #good lord i dont even know the depths of it myself #im so glad shes finally getting her comeuppance

[mxbitters]

my cramps are very bad and i am hungry and kind of want 2 cry but at least i can make them be in love <3

#ive been having the ABSOLUTE best of luck at thrift stores this week :) #i almost got another barbie yesterday #she had a sleeping beauty dress better than the one i have and also a crown idk if it was the og doll though #i think sleeping beauty barbie has a closing eyes gimmick or something #i definitely am very fond of the 80s-early 90s girls i never had them as a kid but like #i like juuuust how much they lean into the blue with the eyes. pupils lashes all of it #and the hair!!!!!! the material isnt great but like ive been boil washing and conditioning and brushing thoroughly #i dont know if we have a hair straightener but if we do i really wanna see if i can learn to crimp #bc like i have totally hair barbie now!!! among others with nice long hair!! #im iffy on hollywood hair here though like.. yeah itd take fuckin chemistry to recreate the spray thing that turns the hair pink but like #i seriously dont wanna fuck up that gimmick it’s such a cute idea #idk what the one in the pink dress is from though which is annoying bc like #idk i like knowing what i have yknow?

[timeisacephalopod]

You know what, I had my doubts about the Barbie movie and feminism but it was a lot more explicit than I thought it'd be. A little cartoonish and on the nose sometimes but also it's in the middle of a movie about a kids toy so it balanced it's sometimes heavy handedness with a BUNCH of funny as shit jokes.

Ken is my son and I love him, and I was delighted by his story arc and Goslings performance. Fantastic casting choices all around! Also starting it like 2001 A Space Odyssey was a fuckin brilliant choice, half pisstake half genuis way to introduce your world and the occasional narrator the movie has.

#winters ramblings #id highly recommend seeing it- like is it THE most well put together movie with feminist themes #yes the movie itself is great but the feminism was Babys First Feminism but i think thats fine and it does what it needs to #in the narrative. will Ferrell was DELIGHTFUL in the movie as well and the sets were amazing!! #shoutout to having kate McKinnon play weird barbie but not have her do that fuckin voice thing shes always doing in movies #idk if its directing choices or not but i like her a lot without the Voice she does she was a perfect cast for weird barbie #seriously though i REALLY liked ken. barbie had an interesting story but i found ken a bit more relatable which is interesting #because the LAST thing id do is simp after someone but maybe if margot robbie was around id make an exception too lmao #but i like him discovering power and then finding out power is kind of exhausting to have and its work he didnt like #PLUS he gets told go find himself AS himself EITHOUT barbie who is not in love with him anyway?? #very cool ken SHOULD have a strong sense of self before he gets with barbie!!

[bunniepaws]

the longer time gets from when i saw the barbie movie the more upset i get abt it……………….

#personal #like it was the ken movie lol #but you could feel and see the parts that are like !!!!!!! art and for women and and and !!!!!!!!!!! #like the capitalistic men funding the movie saw it and wanted to be in it or something #bc the parts that feel super fuckin bad and cheap are all the parts w like ken and shit !!!!!!!! #there are other parts that feel like the claws of capitalism are still firmly planted but at least the women playing the characters felt #like connected n shit u know #whereas whenever ken(s) we’re on screen for anything other than moving barbie’s personal plot along #felt cheap and boring and fuckin #OVER IT type of vibe #like. the barbie movie to me felt like it tried to do so much more and what people wanted but then greedy men got a hold of it #and so then the barbie movie was more abt ken and ENDED W KEN MERCH. #all we remember are the ken songs all we remember is how funny ken was #like it seriously bugs the FUCK out of me #like wow great we get a movie just for the girlies PSYCH it’s abt men now. it’s abt how everything’s abt men and that’s bad! but it’s still #abt the men anyway. #i ALMOST cried during the movie but every time smthn happened that just made go ‘oh. ok. funny. i guess.’ #like UGH #STUPID CAPITALISM VIBES N JOKES N SHIT #literally the end of the movie ended w fucking ken merch !!!!!! MERCHANDISE FOR KEN IN THE BARBIE MOVIE #SEEING IT AT THE END RLLY PISSED ME OFF #LIKE OK I THOUGHT I WAS WATCHING THE BARBIE MOVIE #i wanna edit the barbie movie so it’s actually abt barbie and not ken lmao #barbie movie but it’s actually the barbie movie

[inexpressiblybeautiful]

When I went to the cinema this Thursday(20th of July) there were two dudes all by themselves with no girlfriends, dressed in black and in my age range. What I liked the most is that one of them was like "It's time for pink." And honestly,that's the vibe.

#the were also sitting multiple rows in front of me #I bet they had a good time #Something else that surprised me tho were the adults there #Ofc it wasn't for children #but it was still kind of a weird experience #especially for me who as a just turned 18 yo was sitting between them #Everyone dressed so nice btw #I saw a bunch of people dressed in pink even tho I didn't focused on them much #But it was great #The hall was nearly full #As I heard there were like 125 people sitting there #Before going to the cinema I actually thought I won't be able to buy myself a ticket because so many people have already bought tickets #I was stressing so much about that #I dressed myself up in pastels I had to have a ticket #Anyway the movie was fuckin good #Tho there was a mother with her two children which have must have made the experience a bit awkward 😬 #At least we were having subtitles as we live in a non-english speaking country #I wanted to see Oppenheimer too but it was supposed to start at like 19:45 and I was scared that I won't be able to go home #The cinema is in another city and my family doesn't have a cur + taxis are fuckin expensive #barbie #barbie movie #the barbie movie #barbie 2023

[cheonstapes]

^^ Hello, how are you. Idk if this is the right place to send a request since I’m new to tumblr lol. I would like to make a request though it may seem a little weird. May I request Miguel O’Hara/Fem Spider-barbie reader. Reader’s outgoing and cheerful she has the aesthetic of a Barbie and gets along with other spiders, she’s not actual barbie doll btw lol. Miguel could be yelling and giving other spiders a hard time but whenever Spider Barbie’s around he’s the complete opposite. Spider barbie always helps calm him down whenever he loses his temper. Maybe one day he’s stressed and angry over a mission so spider barbie decides to calm him down with a back massage. Could also lead to some smut, only if you’re okay with writing that. No pressure. Thanks! ^^

miguel o'hara stars in... 'HI BARBIE! HI KEN!' ヽ(>∀<☆)

a/n ~ first request!!1!! i'm doing great, thank you so much. this isn’t weird at all- i spent all day writing this, it's so cute!! i had margot robbie's cowgirl fit in mind for reader when i was writing this, she's so beautiful omg, i think it suits spider-barbie's vibe really well💕 went a bit heavy with the smut but miguel's hot so it's valid- enjoy my love!

summary; miguel gets some stress relief from his favourite barbie girl.

pairing; miguel o’hara x fem!spider-barbie!reader

wc; 2.3k +

cw; SMUT!!, pining, oral sex, dry humping, facial, throat/face-fuckin, soft?dom!miguel, sub!reader, he's a lil mean but he loves you, praise kink, worshiping, hair pulling, miguel shouts at some people, f!masturbation, squirtinnn, miguel being sexy, NOT PROOFREAD!! i have a headache

“and you didn’t think to fucking report it to me?” miguel was seething, talons digging stripes into his desk as he glared down at the poor recruits below him. yes, they were new, but they fucked up an important mission- he wasn’t about to go easy on them. 

“por el amor de dios, do you three have any idea how serious this is? you could’ve-“  the spiders looked at each other, eyes of their masks comically wide as the drown out miguel’s rants to try and come up with some sort of excuse to justify the failed mission. “-and don’t even think about coming up with some bullshit excuse.” 

they froze, shaking their heads and hands rapidly as they nervously stuttered out, ‘no, of course not’, and, ‘we would never, boss’- miguel’s disapproving gaze boring holes into their masks, he jumps off the platform and stalks up to them. menacingly looming over them as his eyes flash red, lips pulled up in a snarl as his sharp fangs poke out under his top lip.

“don’t let this happen again, cause i swear i’ll-”suddenly, the doors of his lab slide open, a cheery voice ringing through the spacious room as all eyes flit towards the pink figure strutting in. the recruits blush under their masks, hearts beating rapidly at the sight of the sparkly spider- known across the spiderverse as the most perfect spider, spider barbie. 

“miguel? i brought you some lunch! oh- hi guys! sorry i didn’t mean to interrupt, i’m y/n, by the way.” you flash them a bright smile, glossy, plump lips glistening under the lights as you hold up the bag of food- the spiders wave frantically, greeting you with unmatched enthusiasm. miguel’s breath hitches at the sight of you, masking it with a roll of his eyes as he looks down at you- eyes softer compared to the harshness they had when looking at the recruits.

“it’s fine, y/n, we were done here anyway.” that was their cue to leave, the newbies scrambling to get out of the room, feeling the tension rising, but not without sending you shy smiles and whispered goodbyes you reciprocate with angelic kindness. miguel watches you intently, eyes locked on your every move. his eyes trail down the hot pink set you wore, the fat of your tits spilling out the tight top, curvy hips accentuated by the tightness of your flares - fuck, you are perfect.

he lets out a heavy sigh, his bulking frame towering over you as he takes the bag gently from your pretty hands, making sure to brush over them slightly. “what’d you get me this time, hm? empanadas again?” he has a crooked smirk on his lips as he opens the bag, his eyes still trained on you as you sit on the counter, the prettiest smile on your face. “actually, i got you some sushi this time. thought i should surprise you a little.” 

he allows himself to smile, the tension in his face easing in your presence. “yeah? how’d y’know i’d like sushi? you keeping tabs on me?” you giggle, stealing a piece of sushi from the platter. “wouldn’t you like to know. i asked lyla, actually, she’s very helpful.” his eyebrow raises, glancing over at the glowing hologram who appears to be lounging by the monitors, a small smile on her face hidden by a small magazine. 

“right, guess i’m gonna have to install a ‘keep your fuckin’ mouth shut’ feature now.” he mutters, secretly enjoying the thought of you knowing things about him he wouldn’t dare to tell anyone if they asked, relishing in the thread of connection you two share. you stand, moving around him to stand behind him, stretching up to grip his shoulders. 

“you ok, miguel? you seemed upset earlier.” you whisper in his ear, hands running down his arms innocently. he doesn’t think so though, the soft touch of your hands compared to his firm muscles igniting a tingling feeling in his belly - a soft groan leaving his parted lips as he leans into your touch. “‘m fine, the new recruits just pissed me off. nothin’ f’r you to worry ‘bout, pretty.” you smile slightly as he lets the pet name slip out, your hands running more sensually around his upper body, dipping into the crevices and curves of his chiseled body. 

“let me at least help you feel better, mig, your shoulders are tense as fuck.” you smirk playfully, leaning round his body to peer up at his face, eyes widening as you take him in. his eyes were slightly hooded, wetted lips open in pleasure, a faint tinge of red on his face. he looks down at you, panting softly as he sucks in a deep breath, nodding silently as he allows you to lead him wherever.

gently grasping his hand in yours, you lead him towards his large chair, sitting him down as you slide yourself in his lap. miguel’s head races with all sorts of thoughts, the tell tale sign of his arousal pressing against the crotch of your sparkling pants, his hands subtly moving you down to ease the ache in his lap. your lips pull into a empathetic pout, hands moving gracefully along the taut muscles of his shoulder blades, moving down to the ridges of his abs.

“how’s this feel? am i doing good?” the sweet tone in which you speak has him biting back a growl, his cock throbbing as he moves subtly against the plush folds of your cunt through the fabric. “ ‘s great, your- shit- your hands feel amazing, love. jus’…keep doing that, yeah?” you nod, biting your lip softly as you keep up your soft caresses. his head falls back against the chair, eyes closed in bliss- he looks so unbelievably handsome, sculpted jawline, high cheekbones, he’s just so mmh. 

you couldn’t help yourself, not when he was practically offering you a taste of him. his thick neck, littered with veins of various sizes, laid bare for you. you slowly moved in, small breaths warming the skin of his neck, heart pumping and hands trembling slightly. your glossy lips press light kisses on the flesh, shiny, pink, marks left behind. one hand moves up to rest on his chest as you feel a surge of boldness rush through you, leaning in once again to suckle on his skin. 

his eyes flit open, gazing down at you as you mark his neck with deep red and purple bruises, his hand lazily running up your spine as he grinds into you just a little harder. “hm? what happened to givin’ me a massage?” he flashes you a sexy grin, tilting his head at your ministrations- not that he minds of course.  you don’t respond, only small moans and whimpers leaving your lips as you continue to suck on his skin. his hand moves down to your chin, lifting your flushed face to meet his. “thought you were supposed to be makin’ me feel better? i can feel that pretty pussy soaking through y’r jeans, love. this turnin’ you on?” 

you nod, your beautiful face betraying your need for him. he lets out a deep chuckle, hands caressing your hips as he moves you to grind against him, the thin fabrics of both of your clothes letting you feel the engorged tip of his cock brushing against your clit. he breathes out a stuttered moan, gritting his teeth as he stares into your eyes, how could someone be so fuckin’ perfect? you had to have been made to torture him, to make his heart race and cock hard to every time he’s around you- hell, every time he thinks about you.

“miguel…” your whining snaps him out of his thoughts, his focus immediately zeroes back onto you. he pulls you closer, resting you against his bulky chest. “yeah? what’s up, baby? what d’you want?” his thumbs caress your nipples through the fabric of your top, the rough pads of his fingers making your pussy clench tightly, slick coating your puffy folds. you look up at him, hands pulling at the thin fabric of his suit. “i still wanna make you feel better…can-can i suck you off, please?” 

has he died? has miguel died and gone to heaven? or was this some kind of fucked up hell, there was no way he was hearing correctly. you, the sweet, innocent, barbie-esque, spider he’s been silently pining over for months now is asking him, so cutely, to suck his cock. he doesn’t think he’s been as eager to say yes to anything as he was now. he clicks a button on his wrist, his suit glitching away at his crotch. his cock is so pretty. a trail of dark hair leading down his navel, the tip a deep red, the rest tanned, throbbing veins wrapping around his length. it was fat, and shit, it was long too- pre dripping down the side of it as it, twitching the longer you stared at it.

your mouth waters, tongue darting out to lick your lips. your nimble hands wrap around his cock, a small gasp rings out in the room as your thumb runs along his tip, collecting the wetness and rubbing it around the tip. his fangs dig into his lips, speckles of blood pooling underneath the sharp tip. he sinks deeper into the chair, his suit dissipating more to reveal his thick thighs, a large hand coming to rest against one, the other caressing your cheek softly. “gonna wrap those pretty lips around me, baby? ‘m so hard, need you to make me feel better.” he didn’t expect to hear how needy he sounded, but he wasn’t embarrassed, he’s finally got you- and he wants you to know how badly he needs you.

he guides your head towards his aching cock, a hand moving to grip your hair tightly. he angles his length towards your shimmering lips, rubbing the tip all over, smearing his pre-cum along your gloss. a low, rumbling hum reverberates through his chest, quiet curses leaving his lips. he finally forces the fat head of his cock through your lips, simultaneously pushing your head down along the length of his cock. the sounds of you gagging fills his chest with a sense of pride, forcing you to take all of his thickness. it was so, so messy. saliva and creamy strips of cum dripped down the side of his cock, wetting your lips and pooling on top of his balls. he smiles at the sight, head lolling to the side, resting against a hard shoulder. 

“my pretty girl, can’t believe ‘m finally havin’ you like this. i- mm i would worship you, if you’d let me. you’re so fuckin’ beautiful, baby, a walkin’ goddess. and your lips, fuck, those perfect lips.” his mind is all scrambled, the feeling of you sucking the soul out of him rendering him a blubbering mess, resulting in him pouring his heart out to you. smiling around his cock, you look up him, those sexy eyes of yours gazing into his- a silent reciprocation of his affection towards you. at that, your lips suction around him faster, tighter, coaxing him into filling your mouth with his load.

his breathing deepens, sweaty chest heaving. at this point, his suit is gone. he doesn’t bother hold back his moans, deep growls and grunts that make curious spiders stop and listen in as they pass his lab, opting to not investigate what the big boss is up to further. but you, you’re a fuckin’ sight between his legs. mascara running down your hot cheeks, gloss, spit, and cum on your chin, running down your neck and between your cleavage. he didn’t think you could get even more beautiful, but here you were. 

“i’m ‘bout to cum, yeah? gonna fill that perfect mouth of y’rs with my all my cum, ‘n you’re gonna swallow it like the good girl i know you are, ok baby?” his hips buck frantically into your salacious mouth, holding the back of your neck tightly to keep you anchored at the base of his cock, the tip of his cock bumping against the back of your throat. his actions betrayed his sweet words, hands gently running over your face, wiping away stray tears as his cock abuses your poor throat. he catches a glimpse of you sliding a hand down the front of your pants, pushing aside your panties to rub against your sticky clit.

‘so cute’. he smiles, revelling in your soft whimpers and your shaky thighs- the squelch of the three fingers you plunged into you almost drowning out the slick gluck! gluck! gluck! of your throat. “fuck, baby, i can hear her from here. she’s so wet just from suckin’ me off, isn’t she?” your fingers speed up, his voice a sexy, deep drawl- lips quirked back up in a smirk, but it was short lived as he felt his balls tighten, orgasm threatening to take over him.

his leg bounces, your mouth was just so wet, so fuckin’ hot- he couldn’t take it anymore. he’s waited so long to feel you around him, to see you take him so beautifully. his body tenses, a low growl of your name leaving his plump lips. his cum spurts out in steady streams, your cheeks puffing out from the sheer amount he unloads into your mouth. it drips out the side of your lips, you struggle to hold it all in, letting it drip down your neck. 

you choke on the liquid in your mouth, your orgasm squirting out onto the cold floor of his lab. he laughs breathlessly, he was so whipped for you. watching his pretty, little, angel cum so perfectly for him. his cock lets out a few more spurts on your cheeks, twitching again when you struggle to swallow his load down. he wipes away the cum on your cheeks, dipping his thumb back into your mouth to let you lick the remnants off. he smiles softly, wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you back onto his lap, running hands up and down your back lovingly.

“s-so, d’you feel better now?”

“mm, think there’s just one more thing i need. spread your legs f’r me, baby.”

*por el amor de dios - for the love of god

-gonna take a cold shower now

#miguel x reader #miguel o’hara x reader #miguel o’hara smut #miguel o'hara #astv miguel #cheonstapes #cheonstapes-films!🪷 #cheonsshowreals 🤍

[starchiest-potato-tournament]

POTATO TOURNAMENT

@truepotatogod @small-potato @ssllutty-potato @medium-potato @big--potato @big-potatos-spouse @big-fuckin-potato @anti-potato @pinkbimbopotato @potato-murderer @sparkle-potato @mikupotato @pygmalion-god-of-potatoes @gay-potat0 @aye-scottish-potato @i-say-potato @potatopostarchive-unofficial @i-count-potatoes @wizard-potato @wizard--potato @invisible--potato @anime-potato-uwu @barbie-potato @emo-potato-rawr @amurricapotato @juses-son-of-the-great-starch @satan-potato @just-an-average-potato-lol @anything-but-average-potato @neutral-potato-or-not-idfk @sweet-potato-uwu @ghost-potato-spooky @yourpotatobrotato @potato-behind-the-slaughter @play-games-with-a-potato @artist-potato @the-irish-potato @potato-post-approver @lore-potato @late-potato @smurf-cat-potato @despatato @antipotatogang @potatoesaaa @thecoolerpotato (edit) @very-teeny-potato @tastygoldentaters

IF YOU ARENT HERE AND WANT TO BE HERE TELL ME IN THE REPLIES!! AS LONG AS YOU ENTER BEFORE WE REACH THE LAST BLOG ON THE LIST YOU MAY ENTER ^-^

wait why am I screaming

Anywho, every poll is one day. Try your best! You may reblog with quotes from your blog do rack up votes ^-^

We'll see who shall be crowned starchiest potato! (Not the best name so suggest other names if you'd like)

Round 1

#startchiest potato tournament #potato

[anti-potato]

keeping track of potato gimmick/related blogs because it's kinda getting out of hand

@potato (inactive for over four years)

@potato-facts (inactive for over five years)

@potato-king-official (?) (extinct) (username changed to @through-dead-eyes-blog, old posts deleted; based on interactions with antipotatosquad)

@tisitheawkwardpotato (?) (deactivated) (based on interactions with antipotatosquad)

@dontworryimapotato1 (?) (deactivated) (based on interactions with antipotatosquad)

@antipotatosquad (active after 5 years)

@pommedeterre-means-potatoes (active after over a year)

@potatofacts

@truepotatogod

@small-potato

@slutypotato

@ssllutty-potato

@medium-potato

@big--potato

@big-potatos-spouse

@big-fuckin-potato

@anti-potato

@pinkbimbopotato

@potato-murderer

@medusa-potato

@sparkle-potato

@mikupotato

@pygmalion-god-of-potatoes

@fag-potato

@gay-potat0

@aye-scottish-potato

@i-say-potato

@potatopostarchive-unofficial

@i-count-potatoes

@yukon-gold-potato

@wizard-potato

@wizard--potato

@invisible--potato

@anime-potato-uwu

@barbie-potato

@emo-potato-rawr

@amurricapotato

@juses-son-of-the-great-starch

@the-last-potato-prophet

@satan-potato

@clown-potato (deactivated)

@just-an-average-potato-lol

@anything-but-average-potato

@neutral-potato-or-not-idfk

@sweet-potato-uwu

@ghost-potato-spooky

@yourpotatobrotato

@potato-behind-the-slaughter

@play-games-with-a-potato

@small-tomatoes (not a potato, but was created in response to small-potato)

@dapotatoking277 (?)

@unfunnypotato (?)

#please share any that i missed #discovering that all this has happened before #history *sigh* repeats itself #sent to the shadow realm where they only exist as metadata #blogs with orange inactive since atleast a year #blogs with red deactivated #marking blogs i'm unsure about with ?

[underworld-park-offical]

TOLKIEN: Zzzzzzzzrzrzrzrrzzzz

TOLKIEN: Zzazzazazezezezezezrzrzzrrzrrr

PHONE: ♪ I'M A BARBIE GIRL ♪

PHONE: ♪ IN THE BARBIE WORLD ♪

PHONE: ♪ LIFE IN PLASTIC ♪

PHONE: ♪ IT'S FANTASTIC ♪

TOLKIEN: Huhhheheehdbfd…

TOLKIEN: Huh

TOLKIEN: What

TOLKIEN: What the fuck?

TOLKIEN: Why is my phone going off?

TOLKIEN: Are the fucking queers calling me again?

TOLKIEN: Eeeeyup its them

TOLKIEN: What

GARY: Have you ever been beaten by a wet spaghetti noodle by your girlfriend cuz she has a twin sister and you got confused and fucked her dad, well that’s how it feels to drive a Ford F-250. That sounds really cool. But you know what else is cool? The new 2020 Ford F-150, winner of 10 J.D. power awards. Perfect for hauling big things and going long distances. But you want to go offroad? Try the new Raptor Edition, which cannot just go offroad, it is perfect for going extreme off-roading. You can go rock climbing or across a desert, really quickly. It is also good for the great American thing - BBQs! In fact, you can haul MORE than one oven! That's pretty cool, huh? So hurry, and buy the new 2020 Ford F-150, now for sale at your local Ford dealership. RED: Wgat RED: Stop RED: Stop speaking BEBE: Girl get the tape from the backseat RED: Already on it NICHOLE: Heyyyy Tolkien NICHOLE: Did I wake you?

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: No..

NICHOLE: Oh NICHOLE: That’s  NICHOLE: That's good

TOLKIEN: What's going on

NICHOLE: So uhm NICHOLE: Ahahaha NICHOLE: Funny story

TOLKIEN: Nichole what did you do??

TOLKIEN: Did you fuckin

TOLKIEN: Commit fraud?

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: Again?

NICHOLE: What NICHOLE: No NICHOLE: Of course not NICHOLE: I am a law abiding citizen NICHOLE: Except for when it comes to the Barbie Movies

TOLKIEN: Okay? We’ve all  pirated a Barbie Movie

TOLKIEN: What makes you special?

TOLKIEN: If it's not fraud or piracy what did you even do

NICHOLE: There’s a sentient advertisement in our Porsche now

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: Excuse me?

NICHOLE: Yeah uh NICHOLE: We saw Gary NICHOLE: Or G-4R-Y if you wanna use his actual name? NICHOLE: Fuck I don't know anymore NICHOLE: He was walking in the cold for some reason? NICHOLE: And you know how he only speaks in ads?

TOLKIEN: We all do

BEBE: Wait BITCH do you think we could reprogram him to be like

BEBE: An ALEXA???

GARY: Need some music for that impromptu dance off? Ask Alexa to play songs or playlists from Prime Music and Spotify so you're always ready to show off your sweet moves-if that's what you call them ;) "Amazon Echo: Alec Baldwin and Missy Elliott Dance Party Commercial" via @popisms :https://www.popisms.com/TelevisionCommercial/126873/Amazon-Echo-Commercial-2016 GARY: I really don't want you to see me like this. You need some entrance music. Alexa, play Alex dance playlist. Playing Alex playlist. That's dance music? Alexa, play Pep Rally by Missy Elliott. Really? Perfect! I got a little something for you. It's beautiful. Does this mean I'm gonna be in your next video? Let me see what you got. (Lyrics) Anything you want me to (Lyrics) Pep rally, pep rally, pep rally Oh, this a pep rally Pep rally, pep rally, pep rally Bounce, biggity bounce, biggity-biggity bounce, bounce Where my clappers that stomp? Now rock with it Bounce, biggity bounce, biggity-biggity bounce via @popisms : https://www.popisms.com/TelevisionCommercial/126873/Amazon-Echo-Commercial-2016 GARY: I’m Gary! The Mormon who advertises! RED: I mean RED: I’ll become a mechanic if it gets him to stfu 💀💀💀 WENDY: No- RED- NO PUT THE WRENCH DOWN! RED: FUCK YOU GARY: The future. You used to chase it. Now you’re living in it. The Wavefront is an all-electric automobile that propels driving into a new era. With sleek, aerodynamic design, and ultrasonic sensors that prevent collisions, there’s no more getting left behind. Life’s short. Drive fast.  GARY: I’m Gary! The Mormon who advertises! RED: SHUT THE FUCK UP!! WENDY: RED!! NO!! BEBE: GIRLY POPS AS MUCH AS I LOVE YOU BEBE: I'M GONNA HIT A DEER IF YOU ALL DONT HUSH RED: WENDY LET ME GO I'M GONNA KILL HIM WENDY: WE ARE NOT KILLING THE AD NICHOLE: SHUT THE FUCK UP IM ON THE PHONE BEBE: SHUT THE FUCK UP I'M DRIVING!!!! RED: CAN I THROW HIM OUT OF THE FUCKING CAR??!?!?!?!?!? WENDY AND NICHOLE: NO!!! NICHOLE: Tolkien I'm gonna have to let you go NICHOLE: We might die- NICHOLE: RED PUT DOWN THE WRENCH YOU'RE GONNA KILL SOMEONE! RED: THAT'S THE GOAL!! GARY: As a parent, I want to know that my kids are safe wherever they are. That includes riding in the car. With the new Carpool Optic from Solar I can breathe easy knowing my kids will arrive where they need to safely – whether I am the driver or not. RED: AUGHHHH!!!!!! NICHOLE: I’m hanging up now NICHOLE: MMMMMMMMMOKAYBYE

TOLKIEN: Bye?

(Beep Beep Beep)

TOLKIEN: Jesus christ

TOLKIEN: (Yawn)

TOLKIEN: Man

KENNY: Hey

TOLKIEN: Ah!

TOLKIEN: Oh my god I got jumpscared by a fucking queer!

KENNY: Oh hardy har har har

KENNY: You got games on yo phone?

TOLKIEN: …

TOLKIEN: What

KENNY: Do you got games

KENNY: On yo phone

TOLKIEN: I mean like

TOLKIEN: I got like

TOLKIEN: Subway surfers??

TOLKIEN: If

TOLKIEN: If that works???

TOLKIEN: Uh

TOLKIEN: Ok?????

TOLKIEN: Here

KENNY: Thanks

KENNY: Oh yeah, can I call my sister while I play subway surfers?

KENNY: I gotta make sure she’s not

KENNY: Yknow

KENNY: Fuckin’ dead

TOLKIEN: No you’re gonna kill my damn battery

TOLKIEN: Just call your sister you dont need to play fucking subway surfers

KENNY: Fine

KENNY: Killjoy

TOLKIEN: Ugh

KAREN: I can't believe McDonald's served me that lukewarm fucking patty 

KAREN: And then had the AUDACITY to tell me KAREN: That it gets cold over time!?!?

KAREN: I think they just undercooked it ON PURPOSE to make ME look like an idiot

TRICIA: Damn, that's crazy

(🎵 KAREN METAL 🎵 )

KAREN: OH MY GOD

KAREN: WHO'S CALLING ME AT EXACTLY 1:59 IN THE MORNING?!?!?

TRICIA: Bro just say 2 AM 💀

TRICIA: …

TRICIA: I can’t believe I just said that out loud

KAREN: WHAT?!?!?

KENNY: Hi

KAREN: WHY ARE YOU CALLING ME?!?!?

KAREN: DO YOU KNOW HOW LATE IT IS?!?!?!

KAREN: I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER

KENNY: Sis it's me

KAREN: UGHHHHH

KAREN: You missed your nail appointment

KENNY: Shiiiit that was today?

KAREN: You still owe me the money for it

KENNY: … KENNY: Karen, we don't have money, we’re poor

KAREN: Get a job

KENNY: …I do have a job

KAREN: Okay so then you have money?

KENNY: No

KAREN: That doesn't make sense

KENNY: Anyways- KENNY: You alive?

KAREN: Clearly

KENNY: Okay cool KENNY: So uh KENNY: There's demons around, I hope they find you and kill you and you die bye

KAREN: …What?

KAREN: Tricia do you know what the fuck he’s talking about?

TRICIA: No

TRICIA: Also stop calling on speakerphone

TRICIA: You remind me of my brother (derogatorily) 

TRICIA: …

TRICIA: WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT!?!??!

TRICIA: UGHHH

TRICIA: I’m gonna go yell at my brother by cursing me into the influencer gene pool

TRICIA: You wanna come?

KAREN: If I get to yell at someone, of course

TRICIA: Be-

TRICIA: …

TRICIA: I'm not even gonna say that 

CRAIG: Who the fuck where you talking to

CRAIG: I feel like they were talking shit smh my head

KENNY: Oh just my bitch sister and your bitch sister

KENNY: Told her she was gonna die soon

CRAIG: LMAOOOO I’m dead 💀💀💀

KENNY: Lol it was funny she was so mad

TOLKIEN: I swear to god you guys are the same person sometimes

CRAIG: Smh my head no literally untrue

KENNY: Common Tolkien L

TOLKIEN: I want you both dead

CRAIG: …

KENNY: …

TRICIA: Okay where tf is blud

TRICIA: I'm gonna kill his ass

KAREN: Ugh

KAREN: He probably set up Kenny to fucking prank us

KAREN: Going to yell at them both when we find them

TRICIA: For real

TRICIA: Smh my fucking head

TRICIA: OH MY GOD CAN I STOP DOING THAT!?!?

KAREN: There's his door

KAREN: Should I kick it down?

TRICIA: No he will literally kill me

TRICIA: Instead we’re gonna go in his room

TRICIA: Steal all his shit

TRICIA: And fucking burn it

KAREN: Ohh yay! Property damage! My favorite!

TRICIA: Shhh shhh shhhh

TRICIA: Stfu

TRICIA: He’ll hear us

KAREN: No

KAREN: You're not the boss of me

TRICIA: Okay

TRICIA: On three

TRICIA: One- Two-

KAREN: THREE

KAREN: Ew it's so dark in here

KAREN: It smells like fucking Ccool Ranch Doritos in here

TRICIA: Shut the fuck up

TRICIA: He’s gonna hear you

TRICIA: I know where he keeps his Supreme hoodies

TRICIA: HOOOOOLY SHIT IS THAT A DEAD BODY!??!?!?!?

KAREN: AAAAAAAAAA!!!!!

KAREN: WE ARE GONNA DIE

KAREN: GET THE MANAGER!!

TRICIA: SHUT THE FUCK UP THE KILLER COULD STILL BE HERE YOU QUEERMO

GREGORY AND ESTELLA: Shhhhh he eepy

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

TRICIA: …

KAREN: …

KAREN AND TRICIA: AAAAAAAAAAA-

TRICIA: Okay

TRICIA: HAILLLL NAWHHHHH

KAREN: I’m calling the police

TRICIA: That is the smartest thing you could ever do

KAREN: Hello? 911?

KAREN: Hi yeah, there's some queers in our house

KAREN: Please come

KAREN: Bye

(Edits made by @pissblanket and @cattpup5)

#craig tucker #craigfluencer #hellpark #south park #south park edits #sp #southpark #underworld park #underworld park estella #underworld park tolkien #underworld park gregory #underworld park gary #underworld park hype house #underworld park thomas #underworld park tweek #underworld park clyde #underworld park cartman #team gregory cutie pie 3rd #gregory cutie pie vrs craig the real tucker #underworld park kenny #underworld park stan #underworld park kyle #blue haired cartman

[iamumbra195]

Random incorrect Blue Lock quotes because I'm bored and this is my current fandom fixation

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

Reo: If Isagi and I were drowning, who would you save? Nagi: You two can’t swim? Reo: It’s a hypothetical question, Nagi! who would you save? Nagi: my time and effort.

...

Otoya: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth? Yukimiya: You’re a hazard to society Karasu: And a coward. DO TWENTY. ...

Aryu: In your opinion, what’s the height of stupidity? Rin: *turning to Shidou* How tall are you?

...

Lavinho: Sometimes I drink milk straight out of the container. Bachira: The cow??? Lavinho: What? Bachira: What?

...

Kaiser: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited Noa: If? Isagi: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and he might not even die.

...

Chigiri: What if I press the brake and gas at the same time? Nagi: The car takes a screenshot. Barou: For the last time, get the fuck out.

...

Iemon: Are you sure this is the right direction? Kuon: Certainly, I'm as sure as I am honest! Raichi: In that case, we're definitely lost.

...

Isagi: Rin, my old arch enemy. Kaiser: ... I thought I was your arch enemy? Isagi, groaning: I have a life outside of you, Kaiser

...

Bachira, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him Igaguri: You did WHAT– Gagamaru: William Snakespeare

...

*During the Shibuya trip

Isagi, at a restaurant: You guys should get the orange soda, it's amazing. Chigiri: Okay Waiter: Can I get you guys anything to drink? Isagi: Orange soda, please! Chigiri: I'll have the strawberry soda. Bachira: Me too, strawberry soda. Isagi: Isagi: You guys suck

...

Bachira: What’s something you guys are better than Rin at? Nagi: Video games, probably. Isagi, deadpan: Emotional vulnerability.

...

Karasu: What did you guys get in your yearbook? Yukimiya: 'Prettiest Smile' Isagi: 'Nicest Personality' Shidou: 'Most likely to start a bar fight' Gagamaru: 'Least likely to start a bar fight, but most likely to win one'

...

Nanase: Favorite horror movie? Zantetsu: It Shidou: Saw Karasu: Annabelle, creepy ass fuckin' doll Tokimitsu: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics

...

Rin: Though I admit I don’t know much about you, I am feeling pretty confident in my assessment that you are probably some sort of sick deadly fuck. Shidou: Who told you my secret?

...

Emo!Kunigami: Given the circumstances, I will let you hug me for four to five seconds. Bachira: Forty five seconds?!? Kunigami: No! I said four TO five seconds. Bachira hugging him: Too late.

...

Hiori: Sometimes, I don’t realize an event was traumatic until I tell it as a joke and notice everyone is staring at me weird.

...

Nagi: You're a lying piece of shit! Barou: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! Nagi: I'm leaving and I'm taking Isagi with me! Isagi, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today.

...

Karasu, in a high voice, holding Barbie: hey Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career! Shidou, in a deep voice, holding Ken: nonsense, barbie. you’re staying home and having my kids Rin: what the fuck are you guys doing? Shidou: playing systemic oppression

...

Lorenzo: We’re about to do the taser challenge. You want in? Barou: What's the taser challenge? Aiku: We tase eachother, then drink. Barou: How do you win? Aiku: What are you, the police? You want in or not?

...

Otoya: Ow! Yukimiya: What’s wrong? Otoya: I have this weird pain right above my eyebrow. Yukimiya: It’s called a stress headache. I got my first one when I was four.

...

Isagi: Hey, do you know anyone who can teach me to play the trumpet? Kurona: Why? Isagi: I want to wander around playing it to annoy Kaiser. Hiori: Technically, you don’t actually need to know how to play the trumpet well for that. Isagi: Hiori, you have opened my eyes.

...

Kaiser: Be careful, I thrive on negative attention.

...

Ness: Don’t worry, I know exactly what I’m doing. Everything is going to be fine! Grimm: How can you still say that? Ness: Because sometimes, when things get tough, denial is all we have.

...

Ego: If you think I’m playing favorites, you’re wrong. Ego, earlier: I don’t care for Nagi Seishiro.

...

Zantetsu: What does 'take out' mean? Nanase: Food. Karasu: Dating Rin: Murder Shidou: IT CAN MEAN ALL THREE IF YOU'RE NOT A COWARD!

...

Lorenzo: Would you guys be there for me if I was going through something? Barou: Nope, absolutely not. Niko: I hope it sucks, whatever you're going through. Aiku: *wheezing Sendo: I hope it emotionally scars you for the rest of your life. Aryu: I hope you reach out to me so I can ignore you. Barou: I can't wait to go to your funeral, knowing I could've changed that outcome.

...

Shidou: Do you want this handful of moss? Sae: Why would I want a handful of fucking moss? Shidou: Damn, you could’ve just said no.

...

Isagi: My head hurts. Rin: That’s your brain trying to comprehend its own stupidity.

o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o

that's it for now lol

Also no one can look me in the eye and tell me that Ego isn't Nagi's biggest hater cause every time we see this man talk about him, he's alway judgy af lmaooo

#blue lock #isagi yoichi #bachira meguru #chigiri hyoma #igarashi gurimu #kunigami rensuke #iemon okuhito #kuon wataru #gagamaru gin #nagi seishiro #reo mikage #barou shouei #zantetsu tsurugi #niko ikki #yukimiya kenyu #hiori yo #michael kaiser #alexis ness #rin itoshi #shidou ryusei #sae itoshi #don lorenzo #aryu jyubei #tokimitsu aoshi #ego jinpachi #nanase nijiro #a whole bunch of others #blue lock pxg #blue lock ubers #bastard munchen

[ceilingfan5]

For the writing prompts could I please request 3. every mall is haunted, obviously with Taakitz please and please and please?

"Every mall is haunted, obviously," Taako says with the kind of confidence one might use to declare that war is over, or that the sun would burn your tongue if you licked it, or that Ms. Frizzle is a lesbian. 

"Sure," Kravitz agrees automatically, because he's been seeing hearts where important visual information oughta go for like, months now. And then, "Hang on, rewind. You believe in ghosts?" 

"No," Taako spits back, cockily feeding quarters into the breaking room vending machine. "But ghosts don't need to be believed in for spook'emup horseshit. Are you really eating a Lean Cuisine again? I swear to God, I'm going to invite myself over and-"

"No no, don't deflect, you- fucking can't–Taako you say this shit and words have  meanings, you're aware of this, right?" 

"-Like that's not even a joke, or a bastardization, that's culture you're devaluing with those three hundred forty calories, you know that, right? If it were a currency, the bank would be on fire." 

"Taako," Kravitz, exasperated. 

"Kravitz," Taako, cartoonish. He slams the button just liked the taped notice on the thing says to not to, and a Dr. Pepper falls out for the fiftieth consecutive time. "What am I supposed to blame, capitalism? Nah, this is fuckin ghosts, and you know it." 

"I guess if any place in the mall was haunted, it would be the Burlington Coat Factory," Kravitz concedes. 

"Burlington GHOST factory!"

"Uh huh." Kravitz can't be in love with him. He can't. Surely he just has some kind of disease instead. He isn't going to go to the doctor though, so the world may never know. "What spooky thing happened, then, chef?" 

He twirls his path-ketti and takes a Big Happy Bite and does Not gag, no one can claim otherwise. 

"All the fuckin' mannequins were in the grand hallway when we opened! Posed like- I don't wanna hurt your delicate sensibilities–"

"I'm not allergic to dirt, Taako."

"They weren't even fucking! Like, obviously if they were dolly-dallying and Barbie Bussin' it open, pause for applause," 

"Applause," Kravitz says dryly, because Taako won't go on if he doesn't get some acknowledgement, and again, this guy? This one? He's having romantic dreams about this fool? Christ alive and back again for one final tour, get tickets now on KVX9, at 8:30, 12:30, 4:30–

"They were all gruesome murder scenes." 

"Oh. Maybe the prankster just isn't horny."

"Couldn't be it!" Taako does a great big HMMM. "Maybe we should do a stakeout." 

"Why?" Kravitz blinks slowly at him. "The mall can be haunted. It's fine. Ghosts are above my paygrade." 

"Damn," Taako says, sighing and dramatically flopping on the table, and then turning to give him the biggest puppy dog eyes Kravitz has ever seen. "I was hoping you 'n me could bang it out together." 

Kravitz chokes on his heart leaping into his throat, and Taako lounges and languishes as he waits for Kravitz to spit up The Spaghetti Satan Would Deny. 

"Yeah?" He finally manages. 

"Mhm. This." 

"Not like. A movie?" 

"Chaboi can't sit through movies, I don't know why this shocks you." 

"Fair," Kravitz croaks. He shakes his head. There is one true path. He is cursed to fucking Candyland. His fate was set, predestination, there is no Fuck Nah option. "I…guess?" he says, regretting and anticipating in equal measure immediately.

"Fuck yeah!" Taako pops up like a wacky inflatable tube salesman. "I gotta make some snacks!!!"

#taz #taakitz #tazb #the adventure zone #the adventure zone balance #fan5fics #taz balance #taakitz fic #thank you!!

[bitter-sweet-coffee]

ok this time there ARE barbie spoilers but it’s just the things i didn’t like so feel free to ignore this if you had fun and don’t want me ruining anything! like seriously, i do not want to make anyone upset here because of how positive the fandom vibes are. i just wanna y’know, air out some dirty laundry i have with what i just witnessed

as a disclaimer i’ve only seen it once and it ended like 40 minutes ago LMAO forgive me for any name mistakes i suck with those

- ken never got closure and i get what they were going for, just having a bunch of guys repeat “ken is me” over and over isn’t cutting it. felt this way with the “hi barbie” intro. like yes, i get what it aims to accomplish, but god does it get grating

- SOME of the fourth wall breaks were good. most were not. weird barbie and all the discontinued barbies were funny, and the drinking water gag was great. but the narrator stuff was WAY too prevalent and i get that it’s camp, but it was a tad too much at times. i’m torn on the margot line because it wasn’t necessarily bad, i just think it ruined the moment a little

- SO MANY UNFINISHED PLOTLINES OH MY GOD. you’re telling me the travel montage was all it took for gloria and sasha to bond and fix their issues? we saw their conflict through barbie’s memory link, it was never elaborated on. not once. suddenly by the end they’re getting along. the same could be about weird barbie? she always embraced the weirdness so the apology and “un-outcasting” felt off because a) it seemed like she was secluded by her own will and b) the barbies were never necessarily mean to her, they just acknowledged she’s different? which she knew and was okay with and self aware of? idk i guess an apology is fair, but the way it was delivered implied a deeper conflict we never saw

- mattel boardroom. enough said. i get will ferrell probably has a contracted screentime for funny gimmicks but it was so grating and a waste of time

- in a similar vein, all the travel montages combined probably take up as much time as the real-world scenes. for a movie that advertised barbie in the real world at a seeming first glance, that basically never happened LOL maybe that’s on me for having expectations though

- listen, LISTEN. i know there’s a lot of conflict right now with the “boo forced feminism” propaganda spreading around and i swear on god that isn’t me. HOWEVER. i do think that the way they went about resetting free will and that super long montage from gloria was not handled as well as it should have been. do i agree with everything said in the speech she gave? abso fuckin lutely. but remember, SHOW not TELL. they created this brainwashing plot device only to immediately dismantle it with one #girlboss speech which imo, undermines the very point the monologue was trying to make. i just wish they did more actual empowerment and not cheap exposition via a shenanigans montage and a third party speaker reciting a well constructed feminist rant which was just… INSERTED into a feel-good scene. i was hoping for something more organic but that’s just me. like, the barbie feeling self conscious was on the nose, but it did its thing. it’s camp i expected that. by this point in the film however, i expected more

- last thing for now: the plot was just a mess i’m sorry. the beginning was slow and expositional sure i get it, maybe it dragged a little too long when you consider everything else they tried to shove into the runtime, but for a typical film that would be a decent portion of establishing a plot. the real world segment? god, so many open doors, most of them were ignored. 99% of the real world was gimmicks and throwaway lines. the bench scene was the shining gem in that pacing dumpster. mattel plot we already know i don’t like, minus the ruth part. i have a lot of thoughts on ken patriarchy that i don’t have time or effort to unpack right now, but it was funny. and then it went on way too long and became annoying but not in the good way, in the “i get this is camp but it feels stupid” way. gosling killed that musical number but for a film about barbie, that was a hella long ken segment. like, this was a ken movie with barbie having existential dread in the background. then a bunch of magical fixits happen and suddenly all conflicts are resolved through magical means and cheap jokes and imaginary character development!!! oh but they gave barbie a pussy we unironically stan that for her (i’m serious lol like i think the joke was such a lame way to end the film but it’s funny enough to say that this whole film all barbie wanted was gender affirming surgery. i’ll allow it for sheer comedic purposes)

TLDR: i have many many complaints but i don’t think the movie is bad. it’s just fun, not particularly good all around. IT HAS GOOD MOMENTS!!! I AM NOT DENYING THERE IS SOME QUALITY HERE! i just think its hit or miss and while not every film has to be a feminist manifesto, i think all the hype and expectations definitely oversold the actual film i just witnessed because it was not particularly good. but it’s fun! and it’s okay to just enjoy that, this is my initial impression but maybe i’ll grow to like it more. just wanted to put this out here in case someone else feels the same way and doesn’t want to take the fall for finding it mid

#barbie movie #barbie movie spoilers #barbie spoilers #THIS IS A RAMBLED POST ABOUT MY IMMEDIATE CRITICISMS NOT AN OFFICIAL REVIEW LOL

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Unnamed GN! MC × Mammon

Fake Fic Title Meme - In which I got sent titles and wrote an extremely detailed summary of the fic I would have written for said title:

Leave a comment?🥺 because they mean the world to me and feed a starving soul🐸

Remember in S3 when MC's undergoing tests to become a Sorcerer & Lucifer becomes Barbie doll sized? MC, with the help of Beel, and Solomon tagging along, has to look after Lucifer for a day to pass the test. The brothers find out, rig up a system that transports them all into a game and now MC has to keep Lucifer safe for 24hrs within a roleplaying game while the rest of the brothers act as adversaries. One such person they must defeat is "The Monster of Greed" so they can earn money to buy armour. In canon they do this by what is basically a pokemon battle with MC using Beel. In this version, well...;

They find Mammon inside a loud tavern, seated in a large round table, piled high with gold, surrounded by NPCs. They're all holding hands of cards, taking and tossing gold to the pile, loud and drunk and arguing. The atmostphere is just on the side of a little too warm, lively, voices meld together until the actual words are almost unrecognisable - Mammon's is the only voice that is clear, ringing above the others and commanding all the attention in the room.

The crowds of NPCs part for the four of them without a word of protest as they make their way towards Mammon's table, half shrouded in the shadows at the back of the room. They almost lose Beel along the way to a a barmaid carrying a portion of a roast.

When they make their way to the table, opposite Mammon, his open features widen in suprise before turning calculating for a second before he finally spies Lucifer and starts cackling so hard he's wheezing and they're worried he's going to drop dead on the spot.

Once he's finally calmed down, not at all helped by Lucifer's hissed threats that only made him laugh more, the human asks him to give them some of his money so they can buy armour.

"What," says Mammon sounding genuinely baffled and a little bit offended. "Ya think I'm actually gonna hand over my money? The money I won? Fat fuckin' luck huma- tch - Hero."

"How troublesome," Says Solomon, mildly like none of this is of any real consequence and in no way his doing in the first place. The human and Lucifer both give him Looks.

Beel is quiet as he is still grieving the barmaid and her roast, both of which disappeared once they crossed a certain radius focused around the four of them.

"Mammon!" Squeak-hisses Lucifer, not at all threatening because once again he's the size of a Barbie with only a fraction of her accomplishments. "Once I'm back to normal expect to be in a world of pain."

"What do we do now?" Asks Beel, who is just recovering from a great loss and is still a bit teary eyed.

"Right," says the human with a good idea, though most in the room would argue they've never had a good idea in their life. "Well, then how about - I challenge you to a card game! We have a little money of our own we'll put it on the line."

This of course leads to various shock and outrage. Mostly from the NPCs. Lucifer does cry out to them to remind them what's at stake and to please stop making stupid deals with demons. Solomon looks amused and intrigued, while Beel is just worried.

"Hah! You think you can beat me!? The Monster of Greed in a card game!? Are ya ballsy or just stupid?" Scoffs, y'know, said Monster of Greed.

"Not sure," says the human, lackadaisical as can be, "sounds like you're scared though."

"Why you little - ," snarls the monster, raising from his chair and leaning towards them, claws digging into the table "I'll show ya scared. Fine then," he falls back onto his seat and kicks out the chair across from him, that up until this point of time had not existed. "Take a seat," he says through sharp teeth.

The human nods, serious and pleased. "Beel, please take Lucifer for now."

" Are you sure you know what you're doing," asks Lucifer, not budging from his place on their shoulder. "This is Mammon. He may be an idiot but when it comes to gambling-"

"I can beat him," says the Hero, not taking their eyes off the Monster of Greed, who in reality is just their best friend playing a silly game that's going to get him skinned by his big brother when everything is back to normal.

"I suppose I'll just have to put my faith in you. Don't dissapoint me." And with this Lucifer, to his great continued indignity, steps off the human's shoulder and into his brother's hands.

"When have I ever," responds the human.

Mammon, who has never had any patience when ignored by his favourite people cuts in with a, "Oi, ya done talking or what?"

And so the games start. And the human wins and wins and keeps winning. The Monster of the tavern goes from having one leg folded up on the chair to sitting up straight to leaning forward with a frown, crowing sentences such as:

"Ha, beginner's luck!"

and

"I'm just going easy on ya!"

and

"Don't get cocky ya bastard."

and

"How!?"

with increasing degrees of worry colouring his tone. The human breaks their cocky smirk to respond to that last with an easy shrug and a "You forgot something important." Eyes still fixed on their cards.

He looks up from his own with a scowl. "The fuck are ya talkin' 'bout."

Finally they deign to look at him, or rather glance at him from under their lashes, lips twitching to pull into a self satisfied smile he's seen countless times before "We may be in a game right now but you're still Mammon, still a demon and still the Avatar of Greed. The real world rules still apply to you." Their eyes lower again to consider their cards.

"So? The hell does that have to do with anythin'." He hasn't looked down at his cards in a while, still focused on them even in spite of how disinterested they're acting. He wants to bite them.

"Well," they place a card on the table and flip it over, moving some money towards them, "it means that whoever you favour still has incredible luck with money." They look up then, catching his eye and smiling brightly.

And Mammon stares back at them, wide eyed and slightly flushed, fingers trembling.

"If this relied on skill or who could cheat better you'd have won it with minimal effort." They're leaning forward, elbows braced on the table, still holding up their cards but continuing to make eye contact with him. "But in the end it comes down to what will win out. Your greed or your love for me."

Devious. Their smile is devious and wicked and his throat is parched and Mammon wants to bite them.

His face fully flushed and gritting his teeth, Mammon places his hand upright on the table.

They place theirs in front of them as well never breaking eye contact with Mammon, they interlace their fingers and place their chin on the back of them, smiling they say, "I won." A statement. A fact. They don't even bother to look down to confirm it.

Red faced but impassive, without even looking at his cards, Mammon leans back in his chair with crossed arms. "Obviously," he looks to the side, pouting, "Dumbass."

And so three voices simultaneously chorus, "Whipped."

"SHUDDUP ASSHOLES," screeches Mammon leaping up from his chair while the human laughs under their breath.

"Whatever." Mammon tosses a pouch at them. "Here's the money," He points at the stack on the table, "that's just for show, ya can't actually use it in the game."

"Right. Thanks Mammon." Sincere. Shedding well earned smugness like a snake skin in favour of something more genuine.

"Whatever. C'mon I'll walk you out." Irritability also shed - now there's only tired acceptance, he's made peace with the fact this will be his lot throughout his eternal life.

Outside on the tavern's doorstep, not making eye contact and looking straight ahead, the Hero and the Monster stand. Now just two friends.

The others stand a bit further down the road yet close enough to be able to hear.

"Listen," starts Mammon with an odd yet not completely unfamiliar note of seriousness. "I have something really important to ask ya. Ya need ta listen carefully."

"Got it," replies the human, understanding the gravitas of this particular conversation.

"Did ya take pictures?" He points to Lucifer with the utmost seriousness.

They nod once with, also, the utmost seriousness. "Of course."

Growling from a distance as if through the throat of a wee kitten, "I can hear both of you, if you think I'll let you get away-"

"Huuuh!? What are ya gonna do pipsqueak? Stomp ya cute lil foot? If anything ya better start listening to me now cause I'm the big brother-"

"Mammonnnnnn you-" Shaking with rage while Mammon, who at this point had stomped over, pokes his cheek.

"Does Mammon even realise he's digging himself into a deeper hole," asks Solomon

"Probably not," replies Beel with a shrug.

"Oh well," Solomon sighs through his perpetual smile. "Come along my cute apprentice we should get going."

"OI! Who the fuck are ya callin' cute," yells Mammon, distracted from his current endeavour of annoying Lucifer and signing his future death wish.

"We better get going. See ya at home Mammon," cuts in the human, for everyone's sake.

"Hmm." He shifts back into a more relaxed stance and turns to look at them. "Listen for real, ya better pass this test of yours with flying colours got it! Ya probably the most stubborn, determined person I know so, if anyone's gonna get through this it'll be ya."

"Thank you, Mammon." Said softly with a large dose of tooth rotting love.

"Yeah yeah stop it with the soppy look." An eyeroll that didn't distract from the red of his cheeks. "Look after that old bastard will ya, don't let him get stepped on. ...He's the only one knows where Goldie's hidden, that's all!"

"You really care." Equal parts teasing and wonderous, equal parts smug and besotted. He was going to scream. He was going to eat them.

"I don't! Stop it with that look, I already told ya! Just get going!"

"Right okay. Thank you, Mammon." They bow their head, peaking at him, lips quirked in mischief.

He rolls his eyes so hard he gives himself a headache. "Get outta here, Dummy."

They turn to leave without another word and he watches them go till they're but a speck in the distance.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_

If you want more fake fics like this under a variety of AUs (human, different first meeting, mer, witch & familiar etc) check out the whole compilation on AO3 here

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me! #shall we date? obey me! #swd obey me #asks #obey me mammon #om! mammon #swd mammon #shall we date mammon #om mammon #obey me! mammon #mammon x gn!mc #mammon x gender neutral reader #mammon x gn!reader #mammon x you #mammon x oc #mammon x mc #mammon x reader #mammon x y/n #y/n x mammon #you x mammon #reader x mammon #mc x mammon #oc x mammon #swd obey me! #shall we date obey me

[buggyandthebartoclub]

Some SFW Goofy / Silly HC's for Shachi!! For my beloved @mandiemegatron - my beloved Shachi mutual <3 THESE HC ARE SFW MY BLOG IS NOT head the warnings above! Ageless blogs without 'adult' in bio will be blocked if you interact!

Goofy/Random Shachi HC's (Silly/Goofy Shachi in love at the bottom as a bonus)

Music taste alternates between heavy rock and the cringiest shit you’ve ever heard bc it made him laugh ( He and Penguin listen to bbno$ and Yung Gravy, and I think that’s hilarious - pry that one from my cold dead hands.)

LOVES puns. I mean, just look at his fucking hat!

Also loves being cheesy/cheesy stuff. Silly poses, cringe outfits, bad puns, b rated movies, tacky patterns, you name it. If it makes a normal person cringe even just a little he LOVES it! (Again.. look at his hat!)

Also likes cute stuff like Law, but not embarrassed by it (see above point) and will go overboard w it if he’s messing w Law (imagine that one post of them all going to see the barbie movie?? Pen made Law promise for them dress up for it but Shachi got the outfits ready that’s how I imagined that happening anyway )

Either super great or absolute dog shit at games. No in between. Avoids the ones he sucks at like the plague. Is a sore loser and WILL pout if he’s lost enough times (still pouts even if he only loses a little but its more subtle and he can get over it quicker lol)

His jokes/humor are also the same as his style and game talents, His jokes are usually cheesy, and either really fuckin funny or absolute cringiest shit you’ve ever heard, almost no in-between 

Loves pranks. Goes without saying really

Has this uncanny knack for finding things people would be unable to decide if they like or not, like say a keychain of their fave character for example, but the character is doing some weird bizarre ooc shit or its some on the most unhinged knock off of the original they’ve ever seen

Will tell you wrong information with his whole ass chest. He believes it. He is a a bit dumbass. Himbo-y if you will. Is shocked when he realizes he is in fact wrong and thinks you’re fucking with him. Always takes a minute to convince him he’s actually wrong even though no one is ever fucking with him when they tell him he’s wrong NOT saying he is rude or mean about it is just genuinely shocked he’s wrong what do you MEAN you’re serious that much salt doesn’t go in there you’re just trying to mess him up haha Ikaku… oh shit Ikaku was serious!! that was too much salt wtf!! 

Hes always joking so he thinks everyone else is too sometimes… to his own detriment occasionally lol, always says sorry after for not taking them seriously after with an embarrassed laugh ————Silly/Goofy in Love Shachi HC’s————

Mad dumb when in love/crushing

Im talking giggly, wiggly, ramp up the funny guy act by 10 (at first, he does chill out the longer the crush lasts/the more he’s around them/the more developed the relationship is)

Mixes up words a lot and says lots of goofy shit, esp when trying to be punny AND flirty, his poor brain can’t always keep up

Heartfelt/over the top romantic, gets pretty cheesy

Cheesy is honestly core staple of his personality, you have to love laughing and having fun to be with him for sure because that’s what fills most of your days together if you’re with him

Is a tickle monster, uses it to his advantage to get more cuddles and/or kisses in And make his partner laugh

If he thinks something about him turns his partner/crush on/they like that about him will go out of his way to try and show off even after getting together. Like his arms? Will tie down the top half of his suit and claim to be hot while working.. when its super cold lol - not subtle at all, plays dumb when teased about it

Dishes it out way harder than he can take it, is a bit of a baby if teased too much- will deny at all costs. Still tells you if it was a good burn tho later on

#shachi one piece #shachi headcannons #shachi x reader #shachi x you #just some light hearted silly sfw hc #he is THE biggest goofball ever I love him he's my stinky lil gremlin okay #will marry him #only sharing w Mandie and anyone who truly appreciates him!!! #stop putting his worth below peng bbs im so sad bout that #HE IS FUCKABLE!!!! #there's more to this but I decided to sort them better bc I got filth to write #sorry I forgot to post yesterday I drafted this on accident #ope #requests are opennnn if anyone wants more shachi content <<33 art dump coming tonight or in morning!! #unhinged writing #sfw #sfw hc #sfw but mdni #thank you #heed my banner buddies!!! adults only here please!

[hamable]

Just saw TMNT Mutant Mayhem…

ANY other year Spiderverse comes out it’s a lock for best animated.

But gang I just got back from Mutant Mayhem and it KICKS ASS ACROSS EVERY CATEGORY.

The animation and art style is so unique and funky and expressive and beautiful. The writing and dialogue is funny as fuck. It’s the best and only the best of Boys Will Be Boys. Little boys. Middle schooler little boys that will ruin your life with killer world economy and then trip on their own shoelaces. Fuckin dorks. All four brothers shine. The choreography, camera work, pacing, all incredible to watch. Cant wait to see it again to catch all the little details in the backgrounds. The voice acting is INCREDIBLE, I feel these four are brothers in my heart and soul. There isn’t not a single weak performance in the movie. Soundtrack and score are KILLER! I need it injected in my VEINS.

And they are the TEENAGE mutant ninja turtles. The director made a comment in an ad I saw about how there are many iterations of the turtles, we know them well, but no one ever focuses on the Teenage in TMNT. So they did. And it’s so good. It’s classic turtles origin storytelling and they have SO much fun with it.

Maybe im just still on the rush after just leaving the theater, but if you have to see ONE movie this year, that includes Oppenheimer, Barbie, Spiderverse, I’d recommend seeing Mutant Mayhem.

Whether you are a die hard for rottmnt, 2012, or have never watched tmnt in any iteration, this movie is gonna be a great watch for you. (Ik prev generation fans were skeptical when it was announced, I was too)

God it’s so good. I’m literally gonna go see it again in 2 days. I’m buying tickets now. It’s so good christ alive. Tentatively my favorite movie of 2023, rapidly climbing the ranks of favorite movie in general.

Fuck that’s a good movie.

#mutant mayhem #tmnt mutant mayhem #tmnt #rottmnt #teenage mutant ninja turtles #mutant mayhem review #YOU GET LIKE #AMPLE BABY TURTLES CONTENT #AND THEYRE SO FUCKING FUNNY AND SHAPED. IM OBSESSED #I LOVE THESE BOYS SO MUCH ID KILL FOR THEM BUT THEY WOULDNT LET ME

[tapedsleeves]

What's your favourite position in hockey and who is your favourite on that position?

It would be soooo soooo easy for me to say Goalies. Because goalies are, in the broadest sense, the guys I like and connect to even on teams that I don't particularly like. If I don't know anyone else on the team, there's a good good chance I'll at least know the goalie.

but everyone likes goalies. And I do too! but are they my *favorite?* I don't think so.

And I could tell you the position of my favorite individual players - centers, mostly, or more generally just forwards. Because they're the second most prominent guys on the team, right?

Because Hockey is a game of oppositional forces. Guys trying to score (forwards) and guys trying to stop the puck (goalies). But there's also defensemen. Stoic, enigmatic. What do defensemen even do?

Make me love them, of course.

A bad defenseman is immediately noticeable. A great defenseman is immediately noticeable. A good to mediocre defenseman is - well. Not invisible, but he's just. A guy. A body on the ice to most people. What's he doing there? He must be doing something. And often they are.

That anonymity can go either way.

A bad goalie is going to get pulled, or their defensemen are going to protect him. A forward who can't score can be shored up by other forwards or defensemen.

Who helps defensemen? Other defensemen (and really really good forwards). Most forwards don't have the defensive skills, or the time, or both to help defensemen out all the time. And goalies have to stay in the net.

And so, because I'm bisexual, and because I like things that are sometimes bad and people don't like, and things that do the hard jobs even when it's not glamorous.... Defensemen are probably my favorite.

So - who's my favorite? I don't fuckin know bud. Your guess is as good as mine. It's just as inscrutable and up for debate as to what makes a good defenseman. Scoring? (Karlsson, Hughes, Makar) Blocked shots? (Martinez, McNabb) Skating? (Theodore, Hughes, Makar)

My answer to this is: it's a personality contest and I love Ben Hutton, Barbie Girl. He's a perfectly decent defenseman - in and out of VGK's line up as the 7th defenseman in a line up with 3 excellent d-pairs. Always smiling and good natured. A whole sleeve of tattoos. Birthday: 4/20. Doesn't like chocolate (he's just like me fr fr).

But IS Ben Hutton good? Yes, I say. Unequivocally. He's VGK's floating 7th d-man for a reason. Always ready to fill in, seamless when he's in. Just because he didn't work out in VAN doesn't make him bad. Just because he's not in the full-time line up doesn't make him bad. VGK's system works for him in the same way that it makes Hague and Whitecloud look great (they are), and McNabb and Theodore look even better.

My favorite players of that position would be Theodore, Hamilton, Chabot, Borgen - players all who i genuinely enjoy watching play hockey for hockey's sake.

#sorry this got realllll philosophical #the handwritten answer was actually more philosophical and long winded #tl;dr i love ben hutton and defensemen