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transparenttriumphzombie · 3 years

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Danielle Bunten Berry (February 19, 1949 – July 3, 1998), formerly known as Dan Bunten, was an American game designer and programmer, known for the 1983 game M.U.L.E., one of the first influential multiplayer video games, and 1984's The Seven Cities of Gold.

In 1998, she was awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award by the Computer Game Developers Association. In 2007, the Academy of Interactive Arts & Sciences chose Bunten as the 10th inductee into its Hall of Fame.

Bunten was born in St. Louis, Missouri and moved to Little Rock, Arkansas as a junior in high school. She was the oldest of six siblings. While growing up in Little Rock, Bunten's family didn't always have enough money to make ends meet, so Bunten took a job at a pharmacy. She also held a leadership role with the Boy Scouts.

According to Bunten, one of her fondest childhood memories involved playing games with her family. She was quoted saying, “When I was a kid, the only times my family spent together that weren’t totally dysfunctional were when we were playing games. Consequently, I believe games are a wonderful way to socialize.”

While attending the University of Arkansas, she opened up her own bike shop called Highroller Cyclerie. Bunten acquired a degree in industrial engineering in 1974 and started programming text-based video games as a hobby. After she graduated from college, she was employed by the National Science Foundation, where she created urban models before starting a job at a video game company.

In 1978, Bunten sold a real-time auction game for the Apple II titled Wheeler Dealers to a Canadian software company, Speakeasy Software. This early multiplayer game required a custom controller, raising its price to USD$35 in an era of $15 games sold in plastic bags. It sold only 50 copies.

After producing three titles for SSI, Bunten, who by then had founded a software company called Ozark Softscape, caught the attention of Electronic Arts founder Trip Hawkins. M.U.L.E. was Bunten's first game for EA, originally published for the Atari 8-bit family because the Atari 800 had four controller ports. Bunten later ported it to the Commodore 64. While its sales - 30,000 units - were not high, the game developed a cult following and was widely pirated. The game setting was inspired by the novel Time Enough for Love by Robert A. Heinlein.

Along with the success of M.U.L.E., Berry also had close ties with the games Robot Rascals, Heart of Africa, and Cartels & Cutthroat$. Throughout her career, she was involved in the creation of 12 games, 10 of which revolved around multiplayer compatibility. The only two which didn't have a multiplayer focus were Seven Cities of Gold and Heart of Africa.

Bunten wanted to follow up M.U.L.E. with a game that would have been similar to the later game Civilization, but after fellow Ozark Softscape partners balked at the idea, Bunten followed with The Seven Cities of Gold, which proved popular because of its simplicity. By the time the continent data were stored in the computer's memory, there was little left for fancy graphics or complex gameplay - the game had only five resources. It was a hit, selling more than 150,000 copies.

The follow-up game, Heart of Africa, appeared in 1985 and was followed by Robot Rascals, a combination computer/card game that had no single-player mode and sold only 9,000 copies, and 1988's Modem Wars, one of the early games played by two players over a dial-up modem. Modem Wars was ahead of its time, as few people in the late 1980s had modems in their homes.

Bunten departed EA for MicroProse. Allegedly, Trip Hawkins, CEO of EA, did not feel that pushing production of games onto a cartridge based system was a good idea. The shift was important to Bunten, as computer games had previously been distributed on floppy discs, and a changeover to a cartridge system would allow games to be played on Nintendo systems. This was a significant factor in her decision to leave. She then developed a computer version of the board game Axis and Allies, which became 1990's Command HQ, a modem/network grand strategy wargame. Bunten's second and last game for MicroProse was 1992's Global Conquest, a 4-player network/modem war game. It was the first 4-player network game from a major publisher. Bunten was a strong advocate of multi-player online games, observing that, "No one ever said on their deathbed, 'Gee, I wish I had spent more time alone with my computer.'"

A port of M.U.L.E. to the Mega Drive/Genesis was cancelled after Bunten refused to put guns and bombs in the game, feeling it would alter the game too much from its original concept. In 1997, Bunten shifted focus to multiplayer games over the Internet with Warsport, a remake of Modem Wars that debuted on the MPlayer.com game network.

Less than a year after the release of Warsport, Bunten was diagnosed with lung cancer presumably related to years of heavy smoking. She died on July 3, 1998. At the time, she was working on the design of an Internet version of M.U.L.E..

The game's primary premise consisted of players playing with and against one another to establish total control over a planet. The name of the game stands for Multiple Use Labor Element. The game was originally made for the Atari 400 and Atari 800 but was later developed to be compatible with the Commodore 64, NES, and IBM pcjr. The game has a maximum of four players. Players are given different options and choices, and are allowed to create their colony the way they see fit. This can be done by changing races and giving respective colonies different advantages that will impact the way the game is played and determined later on down the line.

Ultimately there are two ways in which players can win the game. The first way is by having the most amount of money out of all four players, and the second way is by being able to survive the colony itself. The game focuses heavily on going out and retrieving resources that can be used to benefit their character. Items such as food, energy, and crystite are some of a number of in-game items that players are able to retrieve and use to better themselves. In order for a player to be able to access these items, they will first have to have access to a M.U.L.E. The acquisition of these items has a direct reflection on what the player will be allowed to do. For example, if a player doesn't have enough food, they will have less time during their turn.

The Seven Cities of Gold was originally intended to be another multiplayer game. It was originally a single player format, focused heavily on having the players travel around the map and collect items to help them strengthen their colony. Once they felt as though they had a solid colony, the players could battle each other to see who could overtake who After much consideration, Ozark Software came to the conclusion that this would not be doable. Instead, they went with a formula that had the game focus solely on developing a colony.

Ozark Softscape was a computer game development team consisting initially of Danielle Bunten, her brother Bill Bunten, Jim Rushing, and Alan Watson. Ozark was run out of Bunten's basement. The company was based out of Little Rock, Arkansas and had profound success with a few of their early titles. Ozark Softscape had a publishing deal with Electronic Arts for several of its groundbreaking games. In the early 1990s, Ozark Softscape left its partnership with Electronic Arts over a dispute to port some games to cartridge format for the Nintendo Entertainment System. It began a partnership with MicroProse to produce two more titles: Command HQ and Global Conquest. A dispute occurred over creating a follow-up to M.U.L.E. with Sega in 1993, and the company dissolved. The employees of Ozark Softscape moved to different areas of the software industry.

Bunten was married three times. Bunten had three children, one daughter and two sons. After a third divorce, Bunten, who had until then been living as male, transitioned to living as a woman. Bunten underwent sex reassignment surgery in November 1992 and afterward kept a lower profile in the games industry. Bunten later regretted having surgery, finding that for her, the drawbacks of surgical transition outweighed the benefits, and wishing she had considered alternative approaches. She joked that the surgery was to improve the video game industry's male/female ratio and aesthetics, but advised others considering a sex change not to proceed unless there was no alternative and warned them of the cost, saying "Being my 'real self' could have included having a penis and including more femininity in whatever forms made sense. I didn't know that until too late and now I have to make the best of the life I've stumbled into. I just wish I would have tried more options before I jumped off the precipice."

After her transition in fall 1992, Bunten stayed out of the video game spotlight, mostly keeping to herself. She felt as though that after transitioning she was not as good at video game development as she had previously been, stating "So, I'm a little more than three years into my new life role as Ms. Danielle Berry, and her career looks to be somewhat different from old Mr. Dan Bunten's. For one thing, I'm not as good a programmer as he was." On July 3, 1998, Berry died of lung cancer.

Wheeler Dealers (1978)

Cartels & Cutthroats (1981)

Computer Quarterback (1981)

Cytron Masters (1982)

M.U.L.E. (1983)

The Seven Cities of Gold (1984)

Heart of Africa (1985)

Robot Rascals (1986)

Modem Wars (1988)

Command HQ (1990)

Global Conquest (1992)

Warsport (1997)

Although many of Bunten's titles were not commercially successful, they were widely recognized by the industry as being ahead of their time. On May 7, 1998, less than two months before her death, Berry was awarded the Lifetime Achievement Award by the Computer Game Developers Association.

In 2000, Will Wright dedicated his blockbuster hit The Sims to Bunten's memory. In 2007, the Academy of Interactive Arts & Sciences chose Bunten to be inducted into its Hall of Fame. Sid Meier, the mastermind behind the video game series Civilization, inducted her at the Hard Rock Hotel in Las Vegas.

Bunten was a true pioneer for the video game industry, especially its multiplayer aspect of it. She is regarded by many as one of the best designers to ever grace the video game industry. Her success has even led people to make the claim that the work she did with games like M.U.L.E and Seven Cities of Gold was the inspiration behind highly successful modern multiplayer games like World of Warcraft.

Bunten was known as someone who was very easy to talk to. If someone recognized her in public, she would be more than delighted to have a conversation with them.

#transgender #transition #postop transwomen #transwoman #transwomenmatter #computer programmer #mtf vaginoplasy #mtf breast implants #srs #rest in peace

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thoughtfullyrainynightmare · 3 years

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Third chapter of my OC fic ^_^

With this chapter, Solara will have met all of the Vermillion siblings. But she will also have to face her own unexplained emotions, which she tries to deny. 😉

This series will have mature content so reader discretion is advised.

Words: 4940

Chapter 3

Solara sat by the desk, slowly familiarizing herself with the documents and lingo used, making notes for herself of the formatting and writing down phrases she still needed to run by someone, in order to be certain of their meaning. She stopped only to rub her temples every now and then, giving her brain time to process all of the information that came her way. Hours ticked away but she barely noticed, until she struggled to grasp even simple sentence structures and she concluded to herself that perhaps she ought to stop for the day.

It was then that the door swung open, Mereo standing in the doorway with her hand on her hip, and a raised eyebrow.

“You still here?” Her tone was a strange combination of disappointment, amusement and disbelief, which in its absurdity made Solara chuckle.

“Well, it’s not like you really showed me around the base anyways, so I figured that someone was bound to show up eventually. Besides, I had a decent amount of time to collect some notes and phrases that I need to-“.

“Give it a rest,” Mereo interrupted while crossing her arms.

Silence fell between them as Solara put down the paper she was holding, frowning to Mereo, who close her eyes and sighed.

“We both need to eat something,” she remarked, her gaze directed blankly ahead of her, into the depths of the burgundy carpet. “And I was thinking that we’d make a small detour and go see my brothers before doing so,” she continued, her tone growing more silent.

Solara’s frown melted as sorrow veiled over her complexion at the sight of her friend. “Of course. I suppose one is long overdue,” she said, smiling to Mereo with softness as she got up from the desk.

Mereo’s gazed focused on her, lips curling up just enough to notice; their agreement being in the silent gaze they shared. But as they turned to leave, Solara wasn’t quite sure if she actually heard Mereo murmur under her breath with gritted teeth: “They should’ve told me sooner,” or if it was just a figment of her imagination as she couldn’t picture her beast of a friend murmuring anything.

She glanced to Mereo from the corner of her eye, searching for any signs of confirmation for what she supposedly had just heard. Mereo’s expression had fallen back to that of a blank stare into distance, a telling sign of her being deep in thought. I think… She probably thought out loud. A careful smile rose back to Solara’s lips as Mereo started leading her forward without a word. She’s not blaming herself, I know that much, but whoever it is that didn’t inform her of the situation faster than this… Well, I feel sorry for the poor soul.

---

As they walked down the corridor, only the sounds of their steps echoed from the walls. During their travels there had been many silences that had fallen between them, but none had borne the weight of this one. Mereo’s gaze was on the floor, and though her expression was stern and unwavering, it spoke of her worry. Solara knew that Mereo was the type to never show even the slightest traces of weakness, but she wasn’t made of stone. She had feelings just like everyone else, and this, this was her sorrow. It was woven into the unsaid words that hung in the air, and hidden behind her eyes that now seemed distant.

They reached a door, but before Mereo could open it, Solara placed her hand on Mereo’s shoulder. A soft smile emerged on Solara’s lips; her eyes instead filled with grief as they looked at each other for a moment that seemed longer than what it must’ve actually been. The frown on Mereo’s expression softened and a careful smile tugged the corners of her lips as well, while her other hand curled into a fist. Mereo turned to face Solara, nudging her onto her shoulder with the said hand, before taking a hold of the handle with the other.

Solara only nodded in reply, letting go of Mereo as she opened the door.

Leo was standing next to the bed with a blank expression, sunlight cascading into the room from the window, under which laid a figure. Solara looked at the young lion as his eyes still lingered on his brother, while Mereo closed the door.

The pair of green eyes finally turned to look at them, giving the two a stern gaze that lacked his former enthusiasm and cheerfulness. All of which was more than understandable, but still filled Solara with melancholy.

Mereo only nodded to her brother as she walked over to the bed, the two siblings standing on opposite sides of the bed like guardians to their brother. Silence hung heavy over them as neither had anything to say, or perhaps too much to say.

Solara saw Leo’s hand curling into a fist, and by instinct she moved closer to him from the foot of the bed. But as she did so, she felt another tug deep in her chest. As if pulled by threads of silken cobweb, her eyes turned to the figure that laid in the bed, and nothing could have prepared her for what followed. Despite all the whispers of the walls, the lingering implores and the unexplained warmth, she couldn’t have anticipated the twisting of strings of fate around her heart. She stopped in place, seeing nothing but him as she placed one of her hands on the footboard of the bed, fingers curling around it.

Her ears registered the fight that erupted between Leo and Mereo, but it was distant as if in a dream. There as something about Mereo being wrong about their brother, and Mereo shutting his opinions down, but Solara couldn’t concentrate on it. Not any of it. All she felt was the entwining of golden threads around her soul, into a tight embrace, one that had previously only existed as passing breaths, but now pulled her closer and closer.

But she knew that she couldn’t. She couldn’t just sit at his bedside and take his hand onto hers, letting herself to be submerged into the endless ocean of the fondest emotions. She couldn’t. No. And yet the threads kept pulling, and wrapped tighter around her heart, sinking into it, clenching it and tearing it, but still… she couldn’t.

And the worst part was that she couldn’t explain why she felt the unexplained deep desire to hold his hand, and assure him that it was all going to be alright. She couldn’t hold him in her arms and stroke his hair, while humming a gentle tune to his ear. And, for the life of her, she couldn’t tell why she had such feelings for a stranger. But he feels familiar. As if I’ve known him all my life. How- why am I-? I just feel like crawling into the bed and laying down next to him would be the most natural thing in the world. I could nuzzle against his neck and press a gentle kiss onto his cheek while placing my hand on his chest and…. And what am I thinking?! There is absolutely no reason for me to feel like this. Yes, he’s handsome I’ll give him that, and I’ve been told that… what have I actually been told? Well, Mereo calls him stupid constantly, but I take it that it’s all just because they’re siblings. I know that Leo looks up to him, so he must be very capable… But none of that explains anything. I’ve seen aesthetically pleasing, or handsome, men before who’ve been courteous and kind, and I’ve never felt such longing for them. Her fingers curled tighter around the footboard as she battled with herself.

Then a memory flashed through her mind. Solara remembered her mother telling her about something like this when she was young, but much like most children, she hadn’t imprinted the conversation into her mind. What was it that she said? Something about… “Your father and I, we gravitated towards each other. It was something that neither of us anticipated, but it was… like a cosmic dance where I was being pulled to him, as much as he was pulled to me. And for this brief passing second, we call life, we’ll keep tumbling towards each other, refusing to let go.” Something like that. I think it was along those lines. So… Is that what this is? Lo- Lov- No. It can’t be. I don’t know him, unlike my parents who knew each other. My fate isn’t tied to him… and even if it was, it doesn’t mean that his would be tied to mine. These whispers of belonging, they must be mistaken. The Tree of Binding Fates might be yet to tell me… She swallowed and was woken from her thought with a slamming door as Mereo left the room. Leaving the three of them in silence.

Leo’s brows were furrowed and he clenched his jaw, his entire body seeming tense.

“It’s going to be alright Leo,” Solara tried as she took a few steps closer to him with an empathetic smile.

“But aneue shouldn’t say that! Aniue has been working so hard for the squad, and when he comes back, he’ll prove her wrong!” His statement was firm and filled with young lion’s pride.

Solara placed her hand onto his shoulder, feeling him relax under her touch.

“I just… I just wish that I could help him recover,” Leo muttered, probably for the first time in his life.

His statement radiated with the purest of wishes, which took Solara aback for a moment, as she felt her already bleeding heart, cry for him, for the both of them.

“He knows that you’re here, standing by him,” Solara comforted while casting another soft smile to his direction.

“How can you know?” Leo asked while turning to her, his eyes pleading as he wanted to believe her statement.

“Well,” she paused for a moment as her thumb brushed the crumbs of uncertainty from his shoulder. “I’ve been told that people in a coma can still hear what happens around them. So, he hears your voice and what you tell him. And even if you didn’t talk to him, or in the unlikely event where he couldn’t hear you for some other reason, I’m certain that he feels your strong mana around, rooting for him to come back.” She paused once more as Leo processed her words. “He knows that you’re there for him. I’m sure of it. You’ve always believed in him, and he’ll always believe in you.”

The young lion blinked and a careful smile emerged onto his lips as he looked at his brother.

“But,” Leo paused, thinking how he should formulate his question. “If I want to make sure that he knows that I’m here, I should just talk to him?” He asked, turning to look at Solara once again.

She only nodded as a reply, while retracting her hand as she saw certainty rising back to his eyes.

“Does it matter what I talk to him about?” He continued, looking at Solara intently.

“Hmmm,” she hummed while her eyes shifted to the ceiling as she thought. “I don’t believe it does. I’ve heard that some even read books to their loved ones because they don’t really know what to say, so they’ve felt that to be an easy starting point.” She smiled as her gaze fell back to Leo, who was still staring at Solara with wide eyes. “Is that something you’d like to try?” Solara continued as her head tilted a bit, the comforting smile ever-present on her complexion.

Leo’s gaze shifted to his brother as he thought. “I don’t really know that many storybooks…” he mumbled as his gaze fell to the floor. The veil of sympathy wrapped tighter around Solara’s expression as the corners of her lips tugged further, for she felt the bond these two brothers shared, and which made the moment all the more melancholic.

“Well, do you know if he had one? Or if there was one that he used to read when he was younger?” She inquired, hoping to lead his train of thought forth into a haven of hope. And as his expression brightened, quite like the light of awaking dawn which repels the shadows of night each morning with the rising sun, making Solara feel warmth spreading across her body.

“Yes! There was a book he said he liked when he was my age! It was… um…” Leo seemed to have regained his energetic self in a blink of an eye. He put a hand on his hip as another scratched his head, while he tried to remember the name of the book. “I can’t remember,” he admitted before continuing. “But he gave me the book! So, I can just read it to him and he knows that I’m here, right?” Enthusiasm seeped from his entire being, his both hands now held in front of him, ready to face the obstacles laid before him.

Solara nodded to him, her action only fuelling him further.

“I’ll go get it right now!” He exclaimed and started running.

Solara followed him to the doorway and called out after him:” Leo! There’s time for that later, but you should…” her voice faded with the sentence as the vermillion haired boy had already disappeared behind a corner. “Get something to eat first…” she finished her sentence, out loud, but speaking to no one. Her posture slouched forth as she sighed, but regained it as soon as she heard steps approaching her.

She turned around to see Randal walking to her direction with a cape in hand.

“Hello,” she greeted as she turned around, giving him a smile.

“Hello,” he replied and paused, thinking if he should make a comment or not. “You’ll have to excuse Leopold, he’s quite energetic and very quick on his feet.” He stated, his tone staying steady and formal.

“Ah, it’s completely understandable,” she smiled, loosely waving her hand in front of her as if to brush off the action.

Randal only nodded as a reply, while taking the last few steps towards her and handed out the cape he was holding. “Here’s the cape Captain Mereoleona requested for you. Welcome to the squad,” he smiled.

As far as Solara could tell, he was being sincere, but given that she had just taken over some of his work, there was something she wished to ask. Since she knew that the action could be seen as interfering with his territory. Thus, she felt a compelling need to clarify something to him as she took the cape from him, holding it in her arms. “Thank you. I’m glad to be here. But can I clarify something with you?” She asked, her smile turning to that of slight hesitance.

Randal’s expression became that of intrigue as he replied: “Of course.” There was no judgement, nor even a hint of malice in his eyes, which alleviated Solara’s worry.

“Well, as the newest addition to the squad I know that I technically shouldn’t be taking care of any of the paperwork, and my intention isn’t to step on your toes. So, if you feel like I’m overstepping my boundaries, and crossing onto your territory as the Vice Captain, I do hope that you tell me.” She gave him an awkward smile, hoping that she had succeeded in relaying her intentions.

Randal seemed surprised for a brief second before the expression faded, and a smile rose to his lips as his gaze fell to the side. “Well, as long as we’re having an honest conversation,” he paused long enough to gaze back at Solara. “I’m glad to finally have someone to do the work with me. You see, before the work was divided between myself and Captain Fuegoleon. And during the time he has been incapable of completing those duties, it has all fallen onto my shoulders. So, I’m- I’m afraid that I’ve fallen behind,” he admitted, a shadow of shame passed over his complexion and he sighed. “I’m just glad to have someone to help me, and I trust that Captain Mereoleona wouldn’t assign you to it if she wasn’t certain that you could take care of it,” he smiled, gratitude radiating from his expression. And with that the last traces of hesitance washed from Solara, making her feel lucky to have been welcomed with such warmth.

“I do hope to live up to the expectations,” she chuckled. “But there are a few questions I’d like to ask regarding the forms and lingo. As this isn’t my native language, I seem to find myself struggling a bit already,” she admitted with a slight frown.

“Of course. I’m happy to help the helper,” he smirked with good will, making Solara giggle. He joined her in her laughter for a brief moment as they shared gratitude for one another.

Once the laughter settled down, she continued: “So, is this a good moment or… um?” She asked, tilting her head slightly.

“Well dinner is served soon, so we can start at the dinner table if you feel comfortable with it. Or then we can talk afterwards.” He thought out loud, his gaze shifting to the ceiling before falling back to her.

“Either is fine for me. After all, in addition to my questions you need to fill me in on the most pressing matters that should be taken care of, post haste,” she shrugged.

“True,” Randal nodded as silence fell between them for a moment. Both thinking where should they start.

“Well, if we start already on our way to the mess hall, we’ll get matters moving quicker,” she stated, earning another nod of agreement form Randal.

Solara closed the door to Fuegoleon’s sickroom, seeing his form from the corner of her eye, which caused the golden strings to clench around her heart once more. A veil of sorrow passed her complexion as the walls whispered to her again, imploring her to stay. I can’t. She only thought, trying to brush it all away from herself, but only succeeding to press it deep down into the back of her head. This’ll pass. I’m sure of it. This is a crush and nothing more, so it’ll pass. All I have to do is wait it out. She tried to convince herself, force herself to believe that to be the case, but the flicker of hope is one the hardest thing to snuff out, only allowing her to deny its existence. So, it remained, small, and quiet, but it remained. She could push it away as much as she wanted, and try to deny it to the best of her ability, but it still flickered.

The door closed, alleviating her aching heart. The feeling grew quieter as they walked away, beginning the discussion on what Solara already knew about the tasks at hand, and moving to comparing the differences in legal procedures between Clover Kingdom and Thea. But only to the extent where they were able to confirm or invalidate similar practises, based on which they’d be able to determine areas that needed to be addressed further. Their conversation carrying through the dinner, Solara being seated near Randal in order to keep the conversation going. Mereo appeared, only making a comment on them finding common ground rather quickly, but not otherwise interfering with the conversation.

Everyone seemed friendly, making introductions and some friendly conversation, but still giving room for Solara and Randal to finish their discussion. The only one to arrive late for dinner, was Leo, a frown painted over his expression once more.

Solara’s brow furrowed at the sight of him, but she didn’t wish to hurt the young lion’s pride and address the issue right there, in front of everyone.

“Hey, Leo?” She asked in a suitable point of the flowing conversation.

“Yeah?” He asked, clearly trying to hide his troubles and putting on a brave face. But his tone spoke far too loud of the worry that must’ve curled into his bones once more.

“There’s something I’d like to talk about with you a bit later on, if that’s okay?” She gave him a reassuring smile, making the corners of his lips turn slightly upwards.

“Yeah, it’s alright.” He stated with a weak smile, a flicker of gratitude passing through his eyes.

“Wonderful,” she only said, not wanting to make a scene of the situation, all others seeming to pay no attention to the brief interaction, or thinking nothing of it. Only Mereo raised an eyebrow, but opted to say nothing.

---

After dinner Solara and Randal spent a considerable amount of time in the Captain’s, and Randal’s offices, revising documents and laying groundwork for the following day, sun already having set as they were able to wrap things up. Solara left Randal’s office, only to find Leo waiting behind a corner.

“Hey,” she greeted, giving him a tired smile.

“Hey,” he replied his gaze falling to the side.

“What’s going on?” She asked, as guilt of making him wait this long tugged at her heartstrings.

“I-,” he paused as he held out a book, his eyes falling to its cover. “I tried to read it to him, but I kept skipping over lines, or reading them twice, and then sometimes I had to stop to pronounce words correctly, and it wasn’t good story telling…” his confession fell from him onto the book and tumbled down onto the floor with a loud clang that echoed around the hallway.

Seeing him so defeated twisted her heart, subsiding her own fatigue as sadness washed over her. “Maybe it’d help if you first read the chapter to yourself quietly, and then read it to him,” she suggested, trying to meet Leo’s gaze.

He only grit his teeth, his fingers curling tighter around the book. “I tried that, but it didn’t help,” he forced the words out of his throat, their sharp corners slicing his tongue on their way out.

A brief silence fell between them as Solara search for words of comfort to give him, but felt powerless to help him. After all, there was so little she could actually do for him, and that little felt so inadequate.

“May I?” she asked while holding her hand out, Leo’s gaze lifting only enough to reach the tips of her fingers.

He said nothing, but handed the book to her. His eyes travelled with the motion as Solara held the book out to herself. She turned the pages to the first chapter, letting her index finger glide across the lines. The spacing between the lines is quite thin actually. It’d be difficult to keep track while reading out loud even if using a finger as a cursor. She thought for a moment, but as she became aware of her note sheet, that was still in her hand from her talks with Randal, an idea dawned on her.

“Hmm,” she hummed as she took the paper and folded it to reveal a blank surface. She placed the folded edge under the first line and began to read, moving the paper and revealing new lines as the story advanced, but stopped after the first paragraph. Her eyes lifted from the book and met with Leo’s, whose were now wide open, his mouth agape. “See, you can use a blank piece of paper to help you keep track of the line you’re on,” she smiled and held the book out, handing it back to Leo.

“You should read to him!” Leo exclaimed, making Solara’s brows shoot up in surprise.

“I-,” she paused as her expression softened back to what it had been, “Wasn’t this supposed to be for him to know that *you* are there for him?” she asked, but feeling a tiny bit flattered.

“What matters is that he knows that somebody is there for him! It doesn’t matter if it’s me reading or someone else, as long as he knows,” Leo stated firmly while taking Solara’s hand and started pulling her towards the sick room.

“Leo, I-,” she began, but didn’t really know what to say. Still Leo heard the hesitance in her voice, so he turned around to look at her, his hand still holding on.

“Would you read to him, please?” His tone was stern and determined, telling her just how much this meant to him. But what made Solara unable to turn down his request, even if she had wanted to, was the implore in his eyes.

She looked straight at him, seeing that he wasn’t going to give up without resistance. And quite frankly, she had no objections in going along with his wish, given that he indeed was fine with her reading in his place.

She blinked slowly, her expression melting to that of a soft smile and sympathetic gaze as she replied: “if that’s what you wish.”

Leo’s eyes lit up once more as a prominent smile rose to his lips in triumph. “I can listen too, can’t I?” He asked, excitement radiating through his question as his grip of her grew more intense with his enthusiasm.

“I can’t see why not,” she said, tilting her head as she hadn’t really imagined herself ever reading to people, but saw no harm in it. I can’t really say that I’m a storyteller, but if it makes him feel better, suppose it’s alright. She thought as Leo started pulling her forward once more.

“Um, Leo? Where are we going?” She asked, raising an eyebrow.

“To aniue! Let’s start the story already today!” He didn’t as much as turn his head back to Solara, only focused to move forward.

She let out a faint sigh. It’s already late, and we both should be going to bed… But if it’s just for tonight, then suppose it’ll be fine. For the future we need to establish some kind of a schedule though, but… as things are already in motion, suppose staying up a little bit later for today is acceptable. She frowned slightly, but said nothing as she knew this to mean a lot to him, destroying his newfound feeling of security and comfort being the last thing she wished to do.

“Leo, there’s no need for you to pull me. I can walk on my own,” her tone stayed calm and gentle, but was spoken loudly enough for him to make no mistake.

“Oh right. Sorry,” he stated as he glanced to her and let go, rubbing the back of his head briefly.

“It’s alright,” she replied as they continued forward, a more profound silence lingering in the air as the base was starting to quiet down. And as it did, the pull towards the sick room grew more intense. The tugging and twisting made her want to run, but it’d do no good. It’d serve no purpose and she had no right. She grit her teeth, once more wanting to snuff out the lingering feeling, but didn’t get very far.

Eventually they reached the room, Solara forcing herself to keep her gaze away from the man who laid on the bed. Which proved to be difficult as she sat down on a chair next to him, Leo moving a chair onto the opposite side, facing her.

Just concentrate on the book and take deep breaths. This’ll pass. It’s nothing. She held the book out and began reading, Leo listening to her intently as the story unfolded. Minutes ticked away, but none noticed the time passing, as they were immersed with the plot. And as the first chapter ended, Solara put down the book, telling Leo that they should get to sleep. He protested, but gave in as they agreed to continue tomorrow.

Darkness prevailed outside, and the only light source in the room was a single candle that cast its soft glow around, shadows dancing with the flickering flame. Solara encouraged Leo to get some sleep as she summoned her radiating mana skin, extending from her fingertips as if as claws, to cast some more light into the room before snuffing out the candle.

“I’m not that tired,” Leo yawned, making Solara raise an eyebrow at him; a hint which he understood and got up to leave.

Solara stayed behind to move the chairs away from the bed, making a few yawns of her own. But as she passed the man in deep, deep slumber, she couldn’t help but whisper out a question: “Who are you to me?” A pointless question she needed to ask for reasons that she couldn’t fathom, and yet… despite knowing that she wouldn’t get an answer, she felt strange comfort rising from it. As if by acknowledging him, they would have gotten closer; the tugging of the strings of fate easing up for the moment. She scoffed at herself for being ridiculous, and shook her head while making her way to the door.

But as she was about to make her leave, the door being open by only a mere crack anymore, she stopped and whispered: “Good night.” Her voice barely reached her own ears, the action making her feel like a fool once more. But with those words she was able to close the door and retire for the night, wondering if staying here was actually a good idea as she questioned her sanity. But still, leaving seemed more painful than it should. So, for now, she settled for rubbing her temples and trying to work her way around the emotions that she shouldn’t have had. This will pass. A sentence that became a mantra for her. A mantra that lost gravity each time she repeated it.

#black clover #black clover fanfiction #black clover oc #oc; solara #embers of sun and flame #chapter 3 #fuegoleon x solara #fuelara

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beccarooni · 4 years

Text

Heimdall, Protector of Asgard

(A.N: I FINALLY DID ANOTHER FIC IT’S ONLY BEEN LIKE 6 MONTHS)

Heimdall often considered himself a man of many duties. Protector of Asgard, Gatekeeper of the Bifrost - and occasionally, although it had less of a grand title, Stopper of Thor Doing Reckless Things.

It was the latter duty that took up a lot of his time. Even more so recently: what with all the chaos the realms had managed to fall into.

It was a curious thing, recklessness. Often in youth it had inspired both the young princes to do foolish, but ultimately harmless things. Some of Heimdall's fondest memories were those of the schemes Thor and Loki had attempted as children - sneaking biscuits from the kitchens, scrolls from the library, and occasionally trying to sneak past Heimdall himself for a glimpse at the Bifrost.

He'd often turned a blind eye to that last one. Let the Prince's think that they had somehow passed under the nose of the Gatekeeper, and watched them carefully as they looked at the stars.

But recklessness, Heimdall had discovered, came from more than just an innocent desire for mischief and tricks. It came from sorrow - from a world falling into disarray as image after image of a golden family was shattered. It came from rage. It came from helplessness.

Heimdall was rarely one to be reckless. He preferred to stay where he was in times of uncertainty, so much so that Frigga had once compared him to a mountain. Unmovable by others, but if a great enough shift appeared, capable of stirring the earth itself if it chose.

And through some naivety on his part, he had hoped Thor would follow in his footsteps. The prince seemed to be taking more responsibility for himself, had even joined a team of midgardians - two, if one was to count the companions of Lady Jane (which Heimdall supposed he did - he had a certain respect for those who turned their gaze towards the stars for answers).

Thor had returned home with his brother in chains, and Heimdall had hoped, prayed that this meant an end to things. A sentence passed, a debt settled, and life could almost return to normal.

But it seemed that was not to be.

Heimdall looked up at the stars, heaving a soft sigh.

"Hello, Thor."

A stirring from the corner of the chamber, and the young prince staggered out, a frown crossing his face.

"You're not even going to pretend that you couldn't see me?" Thor rested his hand against the doorframe, leaning heavily against the golden archway.

"Not at this time, no. Although I must admit, I hadn't expected to see you here,"

Heimdall turned from his position, golden eyes landing on the prince - a small feeling of worry nagging at his gut as he took in his appearance.

Decidedly not dressed for the royal court. Not even dressed for Asgard, by the looks of it. The Prince's usual mane of golden hair was tied back clumsily, an old cape and hood thrown over one shoulder. Standing there, holding the wall as if letting go would mean a sure tumble to the ground, Heimdall considered his judgement of the situation to be sound. It was strange. A strange situation.

"Are you not due at Loki's trial?" He continued, watching as Thor made a move to pace about the room, but apparently thought better of it - remaining in the doorway.

Unsure, afraid to enter perhaps. Or afraid to leave.

Thor smiled bitterly, a laugh that was tinged with something close to tears echoing off the walls.

"I wasn't permitted to attend, actually. Father considered me too close for my judgement to be sound, so…" Thor shrugged listlessly

"Here I am."

"Here you are. I take it you stopped at a tavern before arriving here to...talk, I assume?"

The question seemed to set Thor back a little bit - almost physically, with the prince taking a small step backwards.

“Do you really think so little of me?” Thor frowned, his voice suddenly sharpening with crystal-like clarity.

“That I would waltz in here in a drunken stupor to waste the time of, arguably, the most important man in Asgard?”

Heimdall chuckled, shaking his head.

The most important man in Asgard - well, that was certainly something.

Thor had always been liberal with his words - compliments, insults, flirts and challenges. Many people often assumed because of this that Thor didn’t possess a filter - that his thoughts journey to the open air was unchallenged, unbroken. But, that wasn’t necessarily true. The filter wasn’t broken - it was just refined. The prince was tuned to a different song, where some thoughts would be allowed to be aired, and others were not.

Feelings of pain and heartbreak were not befitting of a Prince of Asgard - a face that was shown to the universe was not supposed to crumble or break. At least, that was what was taught.

“Flattery will get you nowhere, Thor. And, to answer your question, no - I don’t think that,”

He paused, fingers tapping a slow rhythm on the side of his sword as he tried to align the words in his mind.

“I think that you came here, seeking the solace and comfort of a friend. Because you are in pain.”

“Pain?” Thor echoed, suddenly looking a lot smaller when placed before the brightness of the Bifrost.

In a plain tunic, with a travel-pack slung across his shoulders, he seemed...younger, somehow. It was a curious thing - battle usually had the effect of aging soldiers, turning bright eyes dark and haunted. And yet, the battles they all had fought - friend against friend, brother against brother - it seemed to plunge them all further back into the shadows than they had been. Things were complicated, it seemed. Or perhaps they always had been, and now the cogs of the grand machine were simply illuminated for the first time.

Heimdall had had to force himself from a cage of ice. He’d had to stand there and watch as Loki had torn apart the streets of Midgard - because that was his job. Watcher, guardsman, the Gatekeeper of Asgard. It was not his job to intervene. He just had to watch the skies, the stars, and try to figure out what it all meant.

If it even meant anything.

“Why…” Thor paused, blue eyes trying their hardest to maintain their focus.

“Why would I be in pain? ”

Heimdall sighed softly, turning his gaze towards the stars - and motioning with his hand for Thor to join him.

What is thought and what is said are often two different paths one person can take.

What Heimdall wanted to say was: 'Thor, how long have we known each other? Years for us, centuries for others. I can see everything across the nine realms, and I see you now. I see you, when your hands fidget behind your back at every royal meeting, while the rest of you stands still. I see you try to mask fear and sadness beneath gold and bravery - to force yourself into the mould of what Odin wants you to be. Beneath it, beneath all of it, I see you. I always have.'

What Heimdall said was:

"Tell me."

For a few moments, Thor continued to hesitate. Shifting his weight from one foot to the other, casting looks back towards the rainbow bridge - like someone wanting to ask for something, but unsure if they would be rejected for it.

Finally, Thor made a move forward. He stepped fully into the chamber, footsteps echoing off of the circular walls as he clumsily put one foot in front of the other, until he was at Heimdall's side.

A little too harshly, Thor sank down onto the golden stairs, clasping his hands together and looking off somewhere into the distance.

Slowly, Heimdall lowered himself to join him. Setting his helmet down on the ground beside them, Heimdall waited.

“My talents, as many as they are, do not include mind reading, your Majesty. If you wish to bare your soul I will not turn you away - but I cannot do much for you if you don’t speak to me.”

“You could’ve fooled me.”

Thor sighed, his face lifting slightly into a bitter smile.

“When I was younger, I used to believe you could see everything. The universe, the people - I even thought you could see into my mind. I used to lie awake at night, trying to think the silliest thoughts I could - just to try and make you laugh,” Thor shook his head, chuckling quietly.

“I thought it would make the nights more bearable for you. I didn’t like the thought of you being alone out here.”

“I remember.” Heimdall nodded.

"I just…" Thor shook his head, bringing his hands to his face.

"I should've been there. From the start, I should have known something, or done something - but I didn't, and now the world pays the price for it. Our family is paying the price for my cowardice, and I couldn't even attend his trial."

Thor broke off after that, roughly wiping at the sides of his eyes with an angry sniff.

“Ah, yes. Returning victorious from battle, where the enemy outnumbered you by the thousands. Defeating the armada, saving a world, and sparing the life of the one you were fighting - bringing him home to face justice,"

Heimdall nodded sagely.

"Truly, all the signs of a coward.”

Thor cast a look at him from the side of his eyes. “You’re not funny.”

“I am incredibly funny.”

Thor shook his head, but his deeply set frown began to break into a somewhat watery smile- still a ghost of what it could be, but it was there.

Slowly, the chuckles turned back to tears.

Thor sniffed, knuckles turning white as his fists clenched around the fabric of his tunic

"I just can't help but think that this is all my fault."

"And that is why you came here, then? To run from this?"

"No. Well, yes. Maybe, I don't-"

Thor groaned, tilting his head back towards the stars.

"If I can't be here for him now, then there is no use me being here at all. If I'm what caused this, then I might as well remove myself from the equation entirely."

"Thor," Heimdall lifted a hand, gently setting it onto the Prince's shoulder.

"That is foolish."

"It's logical. If...if there is a bug in a code, then you ought to remove it so the programme runs effectively."

"What?"

"It's something Stark said - I don't know. Midgard has an insect problem, I think?"

"Truly a strange place," Heimdall frowned, shifting in his seat to fully face the young prince.

"But running will not solve this problem, Thor. It is wholly an unpleasant matter - with no one party being to blame. But we cannot abandon those who need us most."

Thor sighed, shaking his head.

"I am only going to make matters worse. I'm a tool for destruction and I always have been."

"Who told you this?"

"The universe. I think the Norns want to kill me."

"Well, that's…a theory."

Heimdall shuffled a tad closer, placing both hands onto Thor's shoulders, turning him to face him.

"I wish I could take this pain from you. But this is a matter that involves us all. I cannot promise that your future here will be easy,"

He loosened his grip, lifting one hand to rest against the Prince's neck.

"But I can promise you that you will not face it alone."

It seemed to take a few moments for Heimdall's words to even register, before Thor's face crumpled. With a small, broken sound, Thor leant forward until his face was firmly planted against Heimdall's shoulder.

It was quiet, out in the Bifrost. It always had been - he himself wanted it that way. The quiet made it easier to concentrate. To shut out the rest of the world, and focus on what he needed to.

Heimdall held Thor close, and watched the stars pass above them.

Thor was still so young. They all were, really, compared to the grand scheme of things. Heimdall could see the outreaches of the universe and still, still, he felt blind to most of it. Things were more complex than the sun's and systems of the galaxies they lived in - events could not be predicted. Or outrun, at least, not forever.

The world kept moving and the stars kept shining, no matter what would happen, and there was some sanctuary to be found in that. The immovability of the heavens. To find a mountain in a storm, a rock to hold onto - it was rare. But not impossible.

If Thor needed a sanctuary for the night, then so be it.

Some things could be predicted. Thor's back would hurt in the morning from falling asleep on the steps of the Bifrost, and his head would hurt from taking Fandral's advice to drown his sorrows in wine.

The trial would end, and things would continue.

And no one would go through it alone.

#fic #thor #heimdall #fanfic #canon compliant #pre thor the dark world #post avengers #mcu fic #thor fic #missing scene fic

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peytonainsworth · 4 years

Text

/ * { madelaine petsch ☁ twenty-seven ☁ she/her } among the whispers around peach hollow, have you heard of peyton ainsworth? no? well, let’s catch you up to speed. rumor has it, they’ve been seen strolling around olive avenue & have lived in peach hollow for two weeks, seeing as she just moved back. it’s good to have them around because i hear they’re an event planner for a living. recent events must have them trembling because it hasn’t be long since everyone found out that peyton used to escort in order to support herself after disowning her hotel tycoon father’s riches. let’s hope they learned their lesson that the truth always catches up to you. { haley ☁ twenty-one ☁ she/her ☁ est }

hi babies ! i’m haley, twenty-one savage from the est. massachusetts to be exact. like every bostonian, i drink clam chowder through a straw and hold a tom brady vigil by my bedside nightly. some of you may know peyton and her big personality already but for those of you that don’t, here is my lil red lipstick, ginger, regina george queen <3333

personality

character inspo: quinn fabray, santana lopez, regina george, jackie burkhart, blair waldorf, heather chandler, cheryl blossom ofc

HEAD BITCH IN CHARGE

will roast ur entire existence

perfectionist!! detail oriented!!

CRAZY PSYCHO BITCH

the problem child bc her sister is an angel

big bitch but has a heart sometimes

she will not go get mexican food w u don’t even ask but she really just wants a damn burrito

will literally come over and marie kondo ur entire life

evil genius and luvs revenge

a legit psycho when it comes to loving people like has hacked her exes phones even though she seems calm and collected on surface level

will force u to watch home videos of her skating and u will watch

don’t ask to see her sketch books she will blush and change the subject

past

peyton hasn’t live in georgia all of her life. in fact she is one of the town’s newer residence. she moved there a little under a year ago with her mom and sister.

peyton was born and raised in san francisco in a neighborhood called pacific heights, commonly known as billionaire’s row.

she was born into wealth, her father owning a chain of five star hotels that had been passed down through the generations for as long as she could remember. she spent a ton of time in the beautiful hotels her father owned, learning her work ethic from him. her father was stoic man who put more value on a dollar than substantial relationships with his family. your typical rich dad.

her mother was a trophy wife, spewing meaningless side projects like perfume lines and eye shadow palettes that enviably made their way into departments stores alike.

peyton’s fondest childhood memories was helping set up for the weddings in the hotels. watching the flowers be arranged, the chairs be strategically placed, the wait staff setting the champagne flutes. this lead to her taking an interest in doodling wedding dresses and small flower arrangements.

she has a small wildflower tattoo going along the curve of her breast that she drew, fun fact.

when she was three, her little sister was born. the two grew up inseparable, running amuck in their house together, pranking the nannies but most importantly: ice skating. there were obviously no ice rinks in california naturally but their nanny would take them to an indoor skating rink for lessons. peyton and audrey were quite good skaters.

in high school, peyton won a ton of awards in art contests and even got scholarship to attend art schools across the country.

her dad insisted there was no money in being artist (even if money was never a problem for them), he urged her to take over and be a hotel tycoon like him. peyton and her father fought a lot towards the end of high school about this but at the end of the day, she was her fathers daughter and was stubborn. peyton knew the key to happiness was chasing you passion instead of the dollar.

she attended rhode island school of art and design, earning a degree in interior design and a minor in illustrator. after graduating, she returned home and expected to have a job in the hotel that could suit her.

as she expected, her father got her a job in his business planning the events and having creative control over how each other ballrooms looked as well as the lobbies. working in close quarters with her father made their relationship grow quite strong. the two did everything together and suddenly their stoic walls were crumbling, only for each other.

it seemed as though everything in peyton’s life was coming together. she was the head event coordinator at the hotel, her father was her boss and allowed her to have free range. her sister was around so they could goof off at work.

this was until one day peyton was bringing her father lunch from their favorite mexican food truck in the city. she then walked in on her father sleeping with his assistant which put a stake in their relationship.

peyton couldn’t keep the secret from her mother. she’d rather her mother walk away with dignity rather than stay with a man who had no respect for her. but her mother did not have the same respect for herself.

peyton made the decision to take her funds and move to georgia to be near her grandparents, that’s how she ended up in peach hollow.

peyton’s time in peach hollow

peyton moved to peach hollow three years ago per her ultimatum to her mother that it was either her or her father and her mother chose her father.

she moved into a house on olive avenue and visited her grandparents frequently.

being skeptical at first about the new town around her, it took her a while to warm up and make friends.

she owned her own successful event planning business.

after about a year of living in peach hollow, she started dating leo choi and their relationship was rough from the very beginning. around the time they made things official, it got exposed by the peacher that she was an escort. and it also got exposed that leo had a secret child.

but peach hollow made peyton an extremely happy person and even made her a better human being.

peyton and leo were happy for about a year after overcoming their obstacles, just to run into another. leo got busy with work and his son, growing closer to other people as peyton began to drift away herself. it wasn’t until one day when their estrangement became physical.

leo walked in on his roommate lucas and peyton having sex and that was the end of their relationship. this was also the end of peyton’s time in peach hollow.

the last two years & now

after cheating on leo, peyton moved to nyc to take a job offer at a five star hotel planning events and also freelancing other galas throughout the city.

peyton’s been absolutely thriving, becoming a bit of a party girl with the city life but also finding herself as a professional in the daylight.

she’s even had a few relationships in new york but nothing as serious as her relationship with leo. she lowkey still has their pictures tucked away in her manhattan apartment.

she brought her dog mango to nyc from sanfran.

doesn’t talk to her mom or dad, has cut all ties completely.

moved back to peach hollow (olive ave) bc her grandma is sick and she needs someone to take care of her. is not happy ab it. was living her best life.

#peachesintro #about #bio

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rcsefleur-blog · 5 years

Text

hi all !! this is an introduction to my freshest muse and newest baby yeo eunchan otherwise and more commonly known as ‘chan’, he’s a sweetheart but of course because its me and i can’t resist giving my muses slight torture, he’s a tormented sweetheart. if you look at his pinterest here you’ll get an idea of his style better since that’s pretty essential to him as a muse in this case hshd. below the cut you can find out a bit more about him and if you hit the like, i’ll be sure to throw him at you for plots !! lets get into it:

BACKSTORY:

chan’s childhood wasn’t particularly dark or strained. he is by far the least tragic out of all my muses. but for me, that’s still pretty tragic by mosts standards. growing up he always had a very supportive father in regard to his homosexuality and androgynous qualities. he grew up in a happy home and despite not being rich he was very fortunate to have rich opportunities come his way. to be fair he’s pretty easily pleased but most of his experiences thus far have been plentiful

perhaps that is why his luck has to run out somewhere down the line, in the worst way it possibly could. his mother passed when he was young due to cancer. it was a grave and difficult time for his father as well as the rest of the family. his father crumbled eventually, in the hospital with health issues now that are so severe he’s due to pass any day and is basically in a vegetative state already. chan was left to raise his five year old sister nari and take on the responsibility.

for this reason, he could be considered a struggling single father as he’s pushing his own dreams and goals aside to accomodate for nari and make sure she has the best upbringing which is comfortable for her, where she can see chan as a father figure as well as an older brother now, who can be relied upon and responsible. balancing the line and the roles between brother and father isn’t always easy though when the lines are constantly blurred. he has sacrificed most of himself and his youth to keep nari happy and healthy and mostly untouched by the death of their parents.

this hasn’t been easy though, it’s left chan isolated and with no one to speak to but the five year old girl a lot of his feelings get locked in a box and left unexplored, he cannot have a moment of hesitation or weakness because then that will affect nari. his mourning process and grieving has been put on a backline, and he only really allows himself to break down in quiet moments without nari. such as when walking through the forest to be with nature, visiting their graves or on the edge of his bed having a good cry when nari is fast asleep due to the feeling of living in the empty space where his parents used to fill it all up.

PERSONALITY:

chan is a makeup artist, he does it professionally for models and artists all throughout the industry but he also does it for fun, becoming pretty popular as a person who gives tutorials on youtube and instagram as an ‘influencer’ but he really hates that label and prefers to simply think of himself as an artist. he also does the bit of fashion blogging and photography on the side.

he considers himself an adventurer and for that reason he also travels a lot, usually while he is there he’ll study as he does photography for a course as well as a part time student and his main interest is in ancient architecture and art. most of the time he’ll roadtrip in his styled up vintage pick up but occasionally its flights to more beachy area’s, his two favorite places are greece and italy and he spends most of his time in those places if he can.

chan has a very vintage sense of style and he enjoys doing most things the traditional and old school way. although he does add a modern mindset to a lot of it. aesthetically style wise envision chan as fingers full of plenty of rings, ankle bracelets and arm cuffs with loose puffy sleeved shirts and ripped up mom jeans or high waisted ones. he cycles mostly everywhere on his vintage style bike.

very much a gentle soul, little bit of a nerd and activist in the sense he wants to save the earth. he can be really intense about learning about nature and how to preserve it. he has always felt the most in touch with the natural world compared to the hum and chaos of the modern world and city life. he’s no saint of course and he’s still a sucker for coffee but other than that he likes to think he does his best.

paints and draws very amazingly likewise, he prefers to draw flowers and people the most but he’ll work with whatever he’s got on hand. usually you can only catch him whipping out a sketchbook if he’s feeling stressed or overwhelmed as a form of escapism and quiet time.

he is a little bit of a quixotic type so sue him, like one of the ‘have you ever fallen in love’ 'five times a day’ types but it’s not obsessive, it’s more of an admiration he considers all people beautiful and worthy of love in their own way and would state most of them are art to him. you could be the worst person and he’d be all ’ you dont have all the facts’ 'which are?’ 'i love them’.

although he doesn’t identify as genderfluid, he has a very genderfluid and androgynous sense of fashion and often wears clothing and makeup typically labelled as being more feminine. he likes a soft and classy look that usually consists of a good lip tint or ultra glossy lip and a natural but glittery smokey eye look. think kinda like the instagram influencer ivanbaaaaah for reference.

MISC:

growing up chan struggled with religion a lot, he and his family are very religious but his sexuality caused some issues. his father had always been supportive but his mother was a different story, unfortunately his memories with her aren’t the fondest. though he has a very dark history with religion, he loves to be in churches that are empty or abandoned for moments of reflection. often he wonders if he doesn’t even have god as the one consistent and reliable thing in his life, then what the hell does he have. he feels even now sometimes that he’s letting god and his mother down for the way he is but there is less shame now than what he suffered when younger.

everything in his life basically revolves around nari, she goes most places with him and any task he’ll find a way to make fun for her, he doesn’t spoil her but he also doesn’t ever leave her to go without even if that is at his expense to do so. they love to bake together and he does that pretty often.

has a part time job as a barista on night shifts and also in a patisserie. he works from home on his influencer content again to accommodate for nari and he also takes his course in photography and media online to best suit nari so he doesn’t have to leave her with a babysitter too often as he believes that’s no childhood and him just being lazy in his duty towards her as her parental figure at this pivotal time in her life.

he’s putting off most of his dreams and aspirations right now for until nari is older, he could’ve been much more famous as an influencer but he chose not to be and put those opportunities to broaden his career on hold for a while because having a famous sibling in her life wasn’t the kind of overwhelming attention and pressure nari needed to be surrounded with right now.

he honestly just wants to make sure nari grows up feeling safe, comfortable and happy as well as confident in herself and chan. she’s his primary responsibility and he considers himself her closest bet to a father now so he wants her to feel she has that bond with him as well as the bond of him being her brother.

PLOT BUNNIES:

a babysitter plot would be great, someone who he can rely on and uses often to leave nari with when he has no other choice and particularly on nights when he has to work. ideally it would be someone nari felt very close to and idolized so he knew they had an amazing relationship and she’d be happy and relaxed when he was gone. he’s very over protective of her so he’d also have to feel pretty close to the person. it could go any way really, it could be a pining thing, a best friend thing, whatever honestly.

this boy definitely needs a confidant so throw that at me any day.

friends who can help him reconnect with religion and spirituality in different ways so he knows there’s always a way for him to feel tied to god somehow and a god who loves him and best suits his needs somewhere even if it isn’t necessarily in the religion he grew up with.

work buddies at the cafe he works in or patisserie would be amazing too.

maybe a tutor/study buddy kinda person he met online through doing his course of media and photography to make sure he was making up for the classes he was missing out on by not being able to attend day lectures in college.

just people with the similar hobby of photography would also be awesome or models even that he can do a couple of freelance jobs for on the side when they need him.

muses for him to draw they’d be very special people indeed bc chan will rarely whip his sketchbook out in front of anyone let alone ask to draw them.

more single parent muses would also be awesome eventually or older siblings who kind of take on that role half the time so have some idea of what its like who he could meet through taking nari to things like nursery, etc.

neighbor bc who doesn’t love a good single dad and his neighbor plot who’s all like woah that guy is super young and he has a kid but im also sure there’s no woman on the scene and wow they’re noisy and its kinda infuriating but its also cute as hell cause he’s a hella good dad and in the mornings i can hear them baking and doing food fights or playing together and i often see them messing about coming back from grocery shopping etc and actually its kinda touching??

gay pals cause we love gay pals as well as ur everyday pals we love a platonic bond between fellow gays.

love interests of any kind rlly, pining situations, crushing, flings, ex’s ( they’d have had to have ended on good terms tho bc chan just can’t hate anyone ), first times e.g. sexually, boyfriend, kiss u get the idea

#daegu:intro #daeguintro

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bthenoise · 5 years

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Celebrate 10 Years of ‘Constellations’ With August Burns Red’s 10 Favorite Moments From The Writing, Recording & Touring Process

When it comes to most album anniversary tours, some fans tend to think those 10, 15 or even 20-year treks are just for the longtime listeners and nostalgia chasers. Instead, many seem to forget about the bands actually playing those beloved records on a nightly basis.

Take metalcore juggernauts August Burns Red, for example. Gearing up for their 10-year anniversary tour for 2009′s groundbreaking LP Constellations, the seasoned outfit has thoroughly enjoyed tour prep as they’ve run through songs like “The Escape Artist” and reminisced about some of their fondest decade-old memories.

Be it playing tour games on the road, surviving terrifying snowstorms or the impact of playing “Indonesia” live for the first time in the Southeast Asian country, looking back on 10 years since Constellations was released, JB Brubaker, Brent Rambler, Matt Greiner, Dustin Davidson and Jake Luhrs have all accrued memories that will last a lifetime.

Speaking with The Noise about some of those life-changing Constellations moments, Brubaker, Rambler, Greiner and Davidson compiled 10 of their all-time favorite memories from the writing, recording and touring process dating all the way back to 2007. To check out the list to get you even more pumped for August Burns Red’s upcoming tour, be sure to see below. Afterward, to grab tickets, head here.

Lastly, if you’d like a chance to win free tickets – yes, FREE! – head here.

Brent Rambler

The Constellations recording process and touring cycle houses many fond memories for all of us. Here are three of my personal favorites that stick out. Let’s get cracking in chronological order!

“White Washed”

The lyrics for “White Washed” were some of the first more aggressive and “angry” lyrics that I had ever tried to write at the time. However, the words flowed like water because they were very in the moment. I started working on them immediately after a youth pastor surrounded me with a group of teenagers directly outside of our tour van. He proceeded to condemn [me] and the other members of the band simply for having a case of beer on our [tour] rider. He wanted to try and make an example of me in front of all the kids he brought with him. The whole thing was super inappropriate and out of line, BUT the lyrics for one of our most popular songs came out of it so it was worth it!

First Home

The recording process for Constellations was extra exciting for me because literally a week before we left I had an offer accepted for my first house. I remember being very proud because it was a big moment in proving to everyone that I could earn a living off of making music. For weeks while we recorded, I was heading to notaries and post offices to work on the closing process of the home, and since we were in Florida while making the album, I had to sign over power of attorney and do the sale over the phone. We returned home super late from Florida, but instead of crashing at my parents where all of my things were, I grabbed the keys and just sat in my new house.

Chicago House Of Blues

Constellations came out while we were on tour in the summer of 2009. The tour had some cool highlights, but I think the biggest one was selling out the Chicago House of Blues for the first time. At that moment it was our biggest headline show ever and packing such a notable venue felt amazing. Afterwards, we had a big celebration with the other bands backstage and it capped off a great night!

JB Brubaker

“Put Him Up!”

In December of 2009, we were on the road with Underoath and Emery. We became really good friends with the guys in Emery and would hang out with them every night after the shows. They had purchased their own passenger bus and gutted it and turned it into a tour bus. It was DIY but so cool. We’d hang out, drink beers, have dance parties and tell stories. Emery taught us one “game” that we still play on our tour bus today. Occasionally, when someone new would walk on the bus, Toby (Emery’s bassist/vocalist) would slowly start chanting “Put him up! Put him up!” The chant would catch on with other people on the bus until everyone was shouting it, at which point the newcomer would be picked up and crowd surfed to the ceiling of the bus. It was basically a “welcome to the party” greeting and always got a good laugh. We are happy to continue to carry the tradition on a decade later.

Touring Australia

It was August of 2009. Constellations had recently come out and we were invited by Parkway Drive to support them on a tour across Australia. It was our first time in Australia and an honor to be supporting them. They were the hottest metal band on the continent and drawing huge crowds. After the monster travel day to Australia, we arrived to find a bunch of luggage didn’t make it. Qantas Airlines outfitted us with small care packages to keep us afloat until our baggage was recovered. Inside were heather gray sweat shorts and matching t-shirts. The first show was in Brisbane at an outdoor hillside [venue] called Riverstage. They were expecting 7,000 people which was more people than we had ever played for at that time. When we were setting up our equipment on stage before the show, I failed to take into account the voltage difference between Australia and the US. I plugged in my pedal board and heard a pop followed by the smell of burning electronics. I had fried my pedal board’s power supply, rendering my pedals useless. I had to borrow a pedal board from Architects, who were also playing on the tour. (I think we need to do this same tour lineup again!). When we took the stage that night I was a ball of nerves. I unfortunately played sloppy for the large Australian crowd, but I don’t know if anyone actually noticed or cared. We debuted our song “Meddler” for the first time that night. (I played that song particularly poorly.) The tour was overall a great experience. I have very fond memories of hanging out with the guys in Architects and playing massive shows in every city.

Touring South America

In August of 2010, we were doing a tour of South America. It was our first time traveling there. Our buddies in Blessthefall were coming with us and it was going to be awesome. The first show was in Sao Paulo, Brazil and over 1,000 people showed up. We were treated like celebrities and it was a completely surreal start to the tour. The final show of the tour was scheduled for August 28th in Caracas, Venezuela. About a week before the show, we learned of political unrest in Venezuela. The president there was known for being a hot head and pulling stunts like closing down the airports. It was determined to be unsafe for us to travel to Caracas because of the possibility of getting stuck there should the president lock down flights out of the country. Instead, we booked a last minute show in Quito, Ecuador. With a week to get the word out, we weren’t expecting much. The show was held in a small youth center. There couldn’t have been more than 150 people there but it was such a special show for us. The appreciation and enthusiasm the crowd showed us was unmatched. We felt honored to have been received with such open arms and on such short notice. What felt like a disaster waiting to happen turned out to be one of the biggest highlights of our South American tour.

Dustin Davidson

The Day The Van Died

Thankfully I found a journal entry from Thursday, April 16th, 2009 so that I can write accurately with every detail about the day that our van died. We were pretty early into a tour with All That Remains and Born of Osiris when as you may have guessed -- our 16 passenger Chevrolet van (unnamed to my knowledge) took its last breath of air and sipped its last ounce of gasoline (which in those days contained 0% ethanol for you engine nerds). According to my journal, we woke up at a decent hour, grabbed continental breakfast from the hotel and headed out on the road for the next show. I was first up to drive on that day and while on the road about 60 miles away from our departure our sound engineer Jade asked me, “So how long do you think this van is going to last? Do you think it’ll make it through the rest of the tour?”

“Yeah, I think it’ll last for the rest of the tour - at least I hope so,” I replied. Just as I finished that thought our speed began to decrease rapidly while ascending a hill on the highway. I let off the gas and the engine shut off. As I was pulling over to the shoulder the temperature gauge shot up, the breaks were extremely hard to press because the brake booster went out and smoke poured out from under the hood when I was finally able to bring the vehicle to a stop. “Well, I think we need a new van,” I said.

I don’t remember how many miles that van had but it was surely over 200k so something like that was bound to happen at any time. Born of Osiris was able to pick us up so that we could make the next show which was in Syracuse, NY and after the gig our friend Ricky picked us up and drove us back to Lancaster so that we could van shop the next day and get back out on the road to meet up with the tour again.

The Storm That Left Us Stranded

In the winter of 2009, we did a short tour with Underoath and Emery. It was a very fun tour filled with hangs and packed shows. However, the drive home was something that I hope to never be a part of again. After the tour ended in New Orleans, JB and Brent flew home while the rest of us (Matt, Jake, TM Josh, merch guy Mychael and myself) opted to save some bones and drive the van/trailer home. We knew there was a huge rain storm coming but we had plenty of time to beat it home by getting on the road directly after that last show - or so we thought.

Sometime in the early hours of December 18th during our drive home, we blew a wheel bearing on the trailer and had to pull over to take a look at it. This was an ongoing problem for us back in the day. You see, this was a time before the Axe-Fx / Kemper. A dark time when we carried many guitar/bass cabinets. Our trailer was always filled to the brim. We were simply carrying too much weight and would blow out wheel bearings left and right no matter how we packed the trailer.

This blow out was one of the worst ones we ever had. Since it was still dark outside, whoever was driving the van couldn’t see the smoke so they ended up driving for a while after the bearing gave out which led to the bearing fusing to the spindle which meant that we couldn’t fix the problem ourselves. We had to wait for a small repair shop to open up so that we could have the bearing fixed and while waiting to have everything repaired the storm passed us. It was only rain at the time but we knew it would turn into a mild blizzard. We finally got on the road in the early afternoon but it was too late - the damage was done.

I don’t recall which highway we were on, but it indeed was shut down and we ended up spending the night in the van on the highway until we could get moving again early the next morning. Around 6am when traffic started moving again, we opted to drive to the next closest exit and get a hotel since the roads were still covered in snow. Our drive home was supposed to be about 18 hours without stops and it ended up taking us 3 days. It’s fun to reflect on it now and talk to those that I share that memory with, but it’s safe to say from that day on, I never drove the van home from the end of a tour again.

Matt Greiner

Constellations Artwork

It was December 2007. I was getting inspiration for album artwork from the most unassuming source, a black and white movie from the 1940s. It's A Wonderful Life is a movie about a supernatural intervention in the life of a frustrated businessman. In the movie, an angel is sent from heaven to show George Bailey what life would have been like had he never existed. At their high-school graduation party, George is reintroduced to Mary who has had a crush on him since they were kids. Under the moonlight, they're walking outside when George suddenly turns Mary towards the sky and asks, "You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down."

As I watched the scene unfold, I played out the idea of a rope tied to a star in the sky. I put pen to paper and ran with the concept, pulling inspiration from Matthew 6 where the idea of Heaven coming to earth is introduced. The stars represented steadfast anchors by which we find direction throughout our lives. The kites represent our own fleeting emotions that will alter direction just as the wind changes. I remember getting on the phone with Ryan Clark, the creative mind behind the company Invisible Creature, and explaining the artistic concepts that would eventually come to fruition in the pages of Constellations.

“Indonesia”

In 2007, I awoke to find that a relative had died in a plane crash. David Clapper had always been passionate about flying. It wasn't uncommon to see his single-engine Cessna flying over our family farm in Lancaster County, PA. He devoted his time assisting those in need in Southeast Asia by flying the sick and dying from the bush to the nearest hospital, which often times was a several hour flight. On one of his return flights to the bush, he encountered a storm that blew his plane into the side of a mountain. I remember going for a drive after finding out the terrible news. I was so upset that someone doing such a good thing had died in such a terrible way. Here was a man who gave his time and energy to helping others and, in the end, sacrificed his life doing so. I remember wondering what his last words might have been as the plane spun out of control, crashing into the side of the mountain where it still resides today. I learned an important lesson that day. That is, not every question in life has an answer, at least not one that will satisfy. "This is the time to turn down our heads and turn up our hearts."

I remember traveling to Indonesia on the Constellations Tour. We played an outdoor venue for a large group of excited fans who were seeing us perform for the first time. When it came time to play "Indonesia," a feeling came over me that I'll never forget, an overwhelming sense of humility. The band I helped start in my parent's basement in Lancaster County, PA was playing in Southeast Asia performing a song written about my relative who had passed away on that very continent just the year before. The fans in the crowd seemed to sing about him like he was their relative, not some stranger who's name they merely read in the liner notes of a CD. Near the end of the song Jake screams the words, "David, rest in peace." I'll never forget hearing the crowd sing those very words so loud they could be heard over the amplification of our own instruments. A story goes a long way, sometimes even to the edges of the other side of the planet.

youtube

#August Burns Red #Constellations #Solid State Records #Fearless Records #interview #Noise Exclusive

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hakyeonsmelanin · 5 years

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Prisoner (Ravi x reader)

Hades au and Persephone au!

The god of the underworld took you as his prisoner. Little did he know your heart belonged to another.

warning: character death, sex, a little bit of gore, Ravi being a fucking creep and obsession?? Enjoy anyways x

Sorry y’all I can’t help bringing Hakyeon in 💀 he’s my bias and he owns my ASS sksksksk

He was so tender, so gentle at times that you almost forgot where you were and who he was. Soft sweet nothings were often whispered into your ears, kind caresses consoled you in your times of sadness.

“What troubles you so, little one?”

“I want to go home, Wonshik.” You pleaded tearfully, clinging onto the silk of his shirt. His long fingers threaded themselves into your hair.

“You are home, my love.” He answered simply.

“No, I am not. I am mortal, I am not meant to dwell in a place as dark as this. You know this best above all yet you still keep me here! Im begging you, I wish to go back to my real-“ he cut you off, his voice booming through the air.

“SILENCE! Your home is with me. I decide where you dwell, where you go and what you do! Tell me? Are you not provided for here? Do I not give you, my Queen, the finest of everything?”

“Yes, you do.” You looked to floor, scared to endure his wrath. The last time you had pressed too hard, it hadn’t ended well, it took weeks for your bruises to heal.

“ I do not want to hear of this again. You would do well to remember that.” Hades released you from his grip and walked out of the throne room.

What could the God of death know about a mortal’s sadness?

What could the God of death know about love ?

You were the most divine thing he had ever seen. Your smile was radiant, your eyes were beaming and your nature was like that of a child. Always laughing, always happy...were you unaware of the darkness in the world? The corruption, the pain, the death...were they foreign concepts to you?

He had seen you by mistake. A tear in the veil between the worlds had caused him to gaze upon the mortal realm and of all things, he came across you. Once he first looked at you, Wonshik found he could not stop.

There you sat in a meadow, nonchalantly braiding flowers into your hair, creating a crown of the sorts. An assortment of petals; vivid reds and azure blues ; soft pinks and purples were knotted sweetly into your locks.

If it was a crown you wanted, Wonshik would give you one.

If you wanted to be a queen, Wonshik would make you his.

“I love you, little one.” He poured some wine into the golden goblet in front of you before placing a kiss on your head and sitting in his own chair, a dark and intricately crafted thing. You would expect nothing less for the God of death.

Despite not needing to eat himself, Hades arranged for you to have dinner every evening. It was something that gave you peace of mind and allowed you to feel closer to home. Maybe if you did normal things, you could feel more normal. But nothing about this was normal. Nothing about this was right.

One who breathes has no place in the land of the dead.

“I love you too, Hades.” You lied before taking a sip of the wine. It was delicious as always, and left a sweet aftertaste on your palette.

“I have told you many times, beloved, address me as Wonshik.” He seemed to be in a good mood today.

You sat in silence after that, with you digging into your food and Wonshik watching you lovingly.

“Tell me of your life before you came here. I want to know all there is about you.” This caught you off guard. He was normally so uptight about you mentioning the life he stole from you on the mortal realm. It had been two years since he brought you here and not once did he allow you to speak of such matters, they were almost considered taboo. But looking up at him, his expression was earnest. He was serious.

“ I...come from a poor family. My father works at the markets, he sells cheap cloth and linen. My mother sews. My brother is younger than I and I was very close to him.” Wonshik smiled at that, making a hand gesture as if to say ‘continue’.

“...my fondest memory of him and I was at the age of eleven. He was nine. We both went to the markets with my father and tried to help him sell his merchandise, competing with each other to see who could make the most sales. He won, of course, being smaller and cuter although I made my fair share of sales too. In order to get my revenge, I tied his feet up when he fell asleep that night and left him. He didn’t notice until he had to get up in the morning and fell down, falling straight onto his face. It took him a whole year for his tooth to grow back.” You laughed at the giant, gaping hole where one of your brother’s front teeth should have been. He didn’t take it too seriously, he just pranked you back.

That was something you loved about your brother, his unwavering cheekiness.

“My love, I hadn’t known you were so mischievous. What was your brother’s name?” Wonshik chuckled at your antics.

“Sanghyuk. He’s not my brother by blood, my father found him as a baby, crying outside of a brothel. But he was still very dear to me.” You missed him more and more every day.

“Mmm, did you have anyone else who was dear to you?”

Before you could stop yourself, the name fell from your mouth. You had gotten too caught up in remiscising but the memories you had with the boy who had dark eyes and golden skin were so precious to you, you couldn’t help but say his name.

“Hakyeon.” Oh no, what had you done.

Wonshik, observant as always, realised the slight widening of your eyes, the small gasp from your lips.

“Hakyeon. Who is this hakyeon?” He leaned forward, all the softness in his expression gone now.

“...Just a boy that I used to play with as a child.” He was so much more. Hakyeon, although a mortal, had something Wonshik could never have. He had your heart. Once upon a time, he was your betrothed and you dreamed of a future with him.

Then Hades stole you away.

“Just a boy?”

You gulped your food down, trying to keep your voice as steady as possible. If he got to Hakyeon, you would never forgive yourself.

“Yes, Wonshik.”

No more was said about the matter.

No more was said that night.

The clothes you wore now were fit for a queen-no, a goddess. In your own realm, you wore simple dresses made of cotton and sandals created from weak leather. In the underworld, you wore the finest crushed velvets ranging from shades of deep maroon, hazy greens and blues and sometimes, jet black. Your hair was always in an intricate up-do as requested by Hades, who loved to see as much of your face as possible.

Putting on the clothes, no matter how beautiful, felt like a lie.

Taking them off, felt much worse.

“Come closer to me, little one.” Hades gestured with his index finger to the bed he sat on and you followed hesitantly, coming to a halt in front of him.

You were now in nothing but your undergarments, shivering lightly at the cold. Your captor placed his hands on your waist and began placing soft kisses on your stomach.

“I had never felt love before I met you,” His kisses moved upwards, from your navel onto your breasts and chest. He removed the lace confining your breasts and sucked lightly, eliciting a groan from you. His digits on the other hand moved to your nether regions, slipping over your clothed heat.

“I had not felt anything before I met you, do you know that, love?” His lips moved to your ears now, whispering gently.

“N-no.”

“Well, now do you know. You are my most prized possession, my shining jewel. I am lucky to have you as my wife.”

Hades lay you on the bed now, climbing on top of you. How you hated yourself for enjoying this so much. He was evil, he took you from everything you knew based on the delusion that he loved you and still, you yearned for him at times like this. What would Hakyeon think? Would he be disgusted at you? You wished it could Hakyeon ontop of you instead, the way it should have been.

You closed your eyes in an attempt to banish all thoughts of your childhood love. Luckily, Hades helped you with that through the quickening pace of his fingers.

“Tell me you love me, Y/N. Say it like you mean it, this time.”

He removed his fingers, positioning his member at your enterance.

“Say it.”

“I...”

“Say it.”

You moaned when he entered you slightly, only to remove himself. Didn’t he want you right now? How was he stopping himself from losing all control? He ground his hips up against yours and you gave in, the more wanton side of you taking over.

“I-I love you, Wonshik. I love you so much.”

He kissed your lips and entered you roughly, causing you to yelp into his mouth.

You hated him for controlling you like this.

But you hated yourself more for enjoying it.

“Y/N?” No. No. No. It couldn’t be him. Your senses had to be decieving you.

“Hakyeon?” He knelt on the floor as Hades stood over him. His skin was bloody, eyes glazed with tears and lips quivering. This had to be a nightmare.

“W-Wonshik, what is the meaning of this?” You stood up from your throne and moved closer to the two. The God grabbed Hakyeon from the collar of his flimsy shirt and dragged him backwards before flinging him onto the ground completely.

“You love this man.”

Your eyes snapped up to Hades in shock. His expression was viscious, his chest puffed out as though he was a wild beast but the look in his eyes told you he was hurt, he felt wronged. Now you would pay the price for it. Hakyeon would.

“No! No, I don’t! I told you I played with him as a child but that was a long time ago! I never loved him!” Your chest was pounding and the sides of your head were stinging. This couldn’t be real.

Hakyeon sobbed on the ground. His shoulders shook and his breath was heavy. How you wished to embrace him, tell him it would all be okay.

“Little one, do not take me for a fool. I saw the look on your face when you spoke his name. You care him, deeply so. You love him. But that is not acceptable, when you are wed to me.” He walked to you and gripped your hair tightly.

“Ah! I- I swear to you, Wonshik, I love you! I have no feelings for this boy! I have not seen in him years! It’s you, my love, it’s always been you! You are the one who owns my heart, my soul and my body!” Your exclaimed, tears falling from your eyes.

Wonshik’s eyes widened at that and his grip on your scalp wavered. His voice was a deep whisper when he spoke to you next.

“In the two years, you have been here...not once have you told me that you love me without myself having to say it first. Not once have you ever called me any term of endearment. Now...now, I know you love this man.” He released you and walked over to Hakyeon, whos eyes were stuck on your hysterical form.

You chased after him, grabbing at his back but it made no difference.

“Please! Wonshik, it doesn’t matter how I feel for him when I only have you! You’re the only one in my life! He hasn’t intruded once! We can forget him! We can carry on and live our lives together, our eternity! He doesn’t matter, j-j-just return him to his realm! You and I live here peacefully, there’s no reason for him to even be here!”

He picked up Hakyeon, as he weighed nothing and didn’t even acknowledge you. Hakyeon’s eyes widened as he looked at you, opening his mouth to speak.

“You are the one who has ruined my marriage. The scum who has taken my wife from me.” Hades growled into his ear before raising his arm and pushing him further up. Hakyeon was dangling in the air now, eyes filled with pure terror as he struggled. He looked at you lovingly, knowing you would be the last sight he would ever see. He could’ve spent his whole life looking at you.

Hakyeon often dreamed of finding you again, after your disappearance.

Not like this, though.

“Y/N! Look awa-“ he never finished his sentence. Hades wrapped his fingers across his neck and you ran forward but it was too late. You heard a gruesome crack.

Blood seeped from his mouth, his eyes were cloudy.

You screamed.

His body fell limp on the ground and you scrambled towards it, nuzzling your chest into his chest. Wonshik was silent. You cried and cried and cried into the body of your love, feeling the warmth leave it with every touch. His hair fell over his eyes just as cutely as it did in your childhood and you moved it to the side to pepper kisses on his forehead, cheeks and eventually his lips.

He was gone.

Gone.

It was all that monster’s fault.

Looking back at Wonshik, you saw him standing with a blank expression although you knew he was hurt at what he just witnessed. Your true feelings, your love for a mere mortal when Hades himself, a powerful God meant nothing to you.

“You...you...devil! You fucking monster! Look at what you have done! Everywhere you go, everything you do causes such pain! If you thought this would bring us closer, you are mistaken...because I will never, ever even come close to loving you. You miserable, jealous, pathetic excuse for a creature there is nothing I would love more than to see your demise.” You seethed, the anger you hid for two years finally erupting. Your voice was a hoarse, ragged and vengeful sound. It was aged and seeped with hatred. You couldn’t recognise it.

“Because you’re right! I don’t love you, I never have and I never will. You REPULSE me!” You roared at Wonshik whilst cradling Hakyeon, hoping somehow that he would just come back to you.

Wonshik’s eyes were glossy now. A river of tears fell onto his cheeks but he said nothing and left the throne room, leaving you alone once more.

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iren-queen · 5 years

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I would like your opinion, pathetic or no?

I received this strange message and I'm S little bit lost. I would like your honest opinion.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hey (REDACTED) I wanted to let you know that I really appreciate you. We’ve known each other for roughly a year and I think most of my fondest memories from 2018 were ones with you (although some of those prized moments happened at the tailend of 2017). I know I have some pretty severe psychological issues and I apologize for my poor behavior. I would also like to apologize for burdening you with my bullshit drama when

A.) it wasn’t you issue

and

B.) you have had your own hardships to deal with.

So I am really sorry for muddying that up and being a cunt.

I understand that we didn’t know each other for very long in the scheme of things and we didn't talk or see each other that much, but our you as a person have influenced me heavily over the last year. For some mysterious reason I hung onto every word you said as if you were a prophet, I would like to blame this on my previously mentioned psychological issues, so while trying to step back outside of myself and look in at the world I think perhaps I was you as an exaggerated version of yourself a Perfectly Flawed person(Flawlessly Imperfect). This isn’t to say you're not a great and amazing person, I truly think you are but I think I was missguided at some point to see something that didn't exist or maybe not see something so obvious.

From my point of view this is exactly why you didn’t want to hangout with me and I cannot blame you for that. When you told me you couldn’t hangout with me because you were afraid, you were 100% right. As much as I would like you to be wrong, you’re not. I wish we could have hung out more, but I don’t wish you would have changed your mind, I wish I would have changed who I was. I think I held myself back with this fictitious view of you and the possibility of tomorrow, but I hope that won’t exist anymore.

I’m not sure how many days I just sat and stared at my phone or drove around in circles for hours on end praying to whatever God may listen that you would, on a whim message me and want to have some sporadic adventure and each day that this happened I was so let down with myself, how could I waste time on something that I knew wasn’t true. It’s like waking up to find out that your God doesn’t exists and you will rot away into dirt eventually, except it's every morning and you can’t remember yesterday because you have amnesia. I want so much for me to be productive and constructive with my time but I fail again and again.

I am always worried that I am a burden to other in the smallest ways, sometimes it is justified and others I’m just being paranoid. With you I was not paranoid, I was aware I was a burden yet I couldn’t not continue and undeservedly so. You had no ties with me, you didn’t owe me anything, for this I am deeply sorry.

I’m going to go out on a limb and say that 2018 may have been one of the worst years for me. I am a bit of a pessimist so I could be wrong, but it was rough.

I know this was a bit of a rant and who knows, maybe this had nothing to do with you and was just me dragging you into one of my cancerous imaginary problems, but I would like to think that this wasn’t pointless.

So plot synopsis:

- I’m fucked in the head

- I’m sorry

- You are an amazing person, keep kickin’ ass

- I hope that 2019 is the best year yet for you! I pray that you live an exhilarating and fruitful life.

Good bye

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aphrodites-law · 6 years

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The Night Of.

To save her family’s home, Clarke has agreed to marry the achingly dull Finn Collins. Before his arrival, she attends the Royal Masked Ball for one last night of frivolity.

Sitting at the back of the carriage, Clarke couldn’t tear her eyes away from the palace on the high hill ahead. The forest behind it was lush and superb, but it was the clear, varicolored sky that took her breath away. Clarke had lost count of how many times she’d gasped in awe already. With how long the trip was from her house to the palace, she had worried her nerves would get the best of her. But as she clutched her invitation between her gloved fingers and saw more carriages arrive, Clarke refused to let the night slip away. Tomorrow she would become Finn Collins’ betrothed and act the part of a proper lady, but tonight she would dance, laugh, and drink to her heart’s content. Nothing and no one would take that away from her.

“Gustus,” she called out to her coachman, “Do you imagine I should put my mask on now?”

As she picked up the ornate silver mask on her lap, she heard Gustus’ booming reply over the clopping of the horses:

“I imagine now is as good a time as any!”

Clarke looked once more toward the golden gates before nodding to herself—Gustus had already slowed down and she could see guests ahead with their masks on. She tied her mask at the back of her head, looping the knots twice for good measure. It covered over half her face, though it felt very light. She had no desire to be recognized tonight and tarnish the good reputation of the Griffin name. She didn’t care much for it herself, but it was very important to her mother and, she had no doubt, the Collins family as well. After all, there wasn’t much else she had to offer in this arranged marriage. As such, upon receiving the same invitation the entire kingdom had—where, in an unprecedented move, it was stated that one member of each family was invited to the Royal Ball—Clarke had promised to behave herself. Still, it was a good thing that guests wore masks. If she made a fool of herself somehow, word would not reach the Collins estate.

As Gustus stopped the carriage and opened the door for her, Clarke stepped out and immediately looked toward the large stairway that led to the immense palace doors. From where Clarke stood, the guests going up looked like a pretty line of ants. She could only imagine how large the ballroom was.

“Do you think those doors go higher than the Griffin rooftop?” She asked Gustus.

He let out a hearty laugh and stroked his beard, pretending to think about it. “I would say so.”

Clarke grinned at him. “Will you be all right waiting, Gus? I won’t be later than midnight.”

He nodded, his eyes twinkling with delight. Clarke had known Gustus her entire life and there was no other man in the world she trusted more than him.

“Don’t worry about me,” he said, “there are plenty of drivers tonight to keep me entertained.”

“Please remember some of the gossip for our return,” Clarke whispered before squeezing his arm. He let out another laugh and climbed back on the carriage to lead the horses away.

Clarke walked on the beautiful winding path that led to the stairway. There were trees and rose bushes lining the stone pavement, giving the air a pleasant smell. As she went up the stairs behind a young woman in a gorgeous yellow dress, Clarke felt that her own dress paled in comparison. It was a simple dark blue with notes of silver to match her mask, but she thought it fit her nicely and at least she could dance in it.

As soon as Clarke showed her invitation and entered the palace, the first notes of music reached her ears. She followed guests down a long line on the red carpets of the hallways, finally reaching the ballroom at the very end. To say it was large was an understatement. They could likely fit another palace in there! There were guests dancing already, dresses twirling and laughs resounding. It was a popular style of dance where people went from partner to partner in smooth spins. The issue was getting into the mix of things, which required a partner to begin with.

Walking around, Clarke saw tables the length of the entire ballroom covered in foods and drinks that she had never seen before. The musicians had to be spread out in all four corners so that the music could fill the room beautifully. On a higher stage, in front of a velvet red curtain, two empty thrones oversaw the room. Clarke wondered if the Queen and the Princess would appear at some point, though in the end it didn’t matter much. The Royal Ball clearly didn’t need its royals present to be great fun.

Clarke made her way to the tables and tried some of the pastries before picking up one of the bubbling drinks. It rushed to her head but was pleasant otherwise. She observed some of the men and women sitting on the chairs nearest to the walls, away from the dancing bodies but still clearly interested in watching everyone. They spoke to each other in hushed tones, often letting out snorts of laugher that led Clarke to believe this was a gossiping bunch. She had better stay away from them.

It was some time before she worked the nerve to ask someone to dance. Clarke had two more drinks since, though she knew her limit and stopped herself. She looked toward the standing groups, wondering who she could approach. Everyone looked so elegant; it was a bit of a daunting task.

“May I have a dance?” A voice behind her asked.

Clarke turned around and took in the young man facing her. He had dark skin, a warm smile, and a silver mask similar to hers. He seemed to be around her age and had a friendly demeanor. There was a green pin on the lapel of his suit that Clarke had already noticed on other men and women. She wondered if it meant they usually worked at the palace.

“I thought it looked like you might want to join in,” he added.

“I do,” Clarke smiled. “I just couldn’t figure out where to start.”

“We can help each other out, then.”

He took her hand and led her closer to the others, where he deftly spun her around until finally they were dancing.

“I’m Lincoln,” he said over the music, amused when it grew louder.

“Clarke,” she answered happily. Now that she had started dancing, she didn’t want to stop.

As they moved in smooth circles with the rest of the room, the musicians veered back into a transition that signaled the end of the piece and the thrilling start of another.

“This is the part where I whirl you around to someone else,” Lincoln said.

Clarke grinned. “Hopefully as good a dancer as you!”

He glanced over her shoulder and then smiled impishly. “Oh, she is.”

As their hands separated, Clarke spun around. A hand gently grasped hers and gloveless fingers settled around her waist.

Clarke held her breath as she looked into the eyes of her partner. Though she did not miss a step, she felt that everything around her ceased to matter as she took in the woman leading their dance. She wore a traditional ballroom suit, dark and well fitted, with a black mask that covered half her face. Her hair was long and thick, elegantly swept to one side. She had a delicate nose and plump lips that formed a small smile, but it was her eyes that Clarke couldn’t look away from.

There were many dancers around them, certainly there must’ve been, but Clarke saw only her partner and heard only the music. She didn’t know what it was that made her heat race so quickly—perhaps the way their fingers entwined, making her wonder why she had ever settled on wearing gloves. Whatever it was, Clarke didn’t want it to end. The woman was a good dancer, better even than Clarke’s old instructor who had taught people all over the world. She led effortlessly; like she knew every note the musicians regaled them with.

Perhaps came a point where they should’ve changed partners, but the woman never spun her around to let go and Clarke didn’t initiate it either. As they grew closer yet, Clarke was glad for the mask hiding her blush, and yet bemoaned that the woman’s covered so much of her face. She had never felt this way; to want to know someone so quickly, to learn the kind of person they were and what their fondest memories might be.

When the music ended and applause resounded in the room, Clarke had to blink herself out of her stupor. It had seemed to her that the dance lasted forever and yet not entirely long enough. She had thought her heart would stop beating so fast after the dance, but the opposite happened and Clarke thought she might very well have a panic attack. Suddenly the room was far too crowded and it became difficult to breathe.

“Are you all right?” Her partner murmured, fingers still gently resting on the curve of Clarke’s waist.

“I—I need some air,” Clarke whispered in apology before scurrying away without a glance back.

Once she made it out of the ballroom, Clarke didn’t know where she was headed. She couldn’t get out of the front doors for fear of walking by more guests, but there were many corridors in the main hall and perhaps she could find a spot in the dark. She took a left into a deserted passage and then lurched toward a glass door to open it.

Outside, the crisp air felt like a blessing. Clarke inhaled sharply, pressing a hand above her heart. Her dress felt too tight and she could barely walk straight. As she took in her surroundings, she noticed it was an enclosed garden with a large fountain in the middle. It was quiet and peaceful; a far cry from the rush of the ball. Clarke sat on the smooth stone around the fountain and took off her gloves to press a palm against her forehead. It didn’t seem like she had a fever, but she still felt warm and dizzy.

As she looked at her reflection in the water, she could hardly believe the sight of her. Her eyes seemed wild, her hair was a proper mess, and her chest rose and fell far too quickly. She resisted the urge to slap the water.

“Do you feel better?”

Clarke startled. Her dance partner stood at the bottom of the stairs, hands nervously clasped in front of her.

“Yes,” Clarke answered, trying to hide the tremble in her voice. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to leave so suddenly.”

The woman shrugged, then bit her lip.

“May I sit?”

Clarke nodded, smoothing out her dress as the woman sat next to her.

“It’s very peaceful here.”

“It is,” Clarke agreed, feeling tongue-tied. It was very unlike her, almost the very opposite of her.

The woman stared ahead at the palace wall, and together they listened to the sounds of the garden and the gentle lull of the fountain. Clarke slowly relaxed.

“I’m Clarke,” she said, finding it the proper thing to do. Maybe she could still salvage this night.

It seemed to amuse the woman, though Clarke couldn’t figure out why.

“Lexa.”

It was an unusual name, but Clarke found it suited her perfectly.

“Thank you for the dance, Lexa.”

“It was my pleasure.”

Clarke ventured a look at Lexa’s profile, taken by the beauty of it. Her heart had a mind of its own tonight, which was entirely the problem. Clarke chastised herself—her future husband would be at her door tomorrow.

“You seem troubled,” Lexa remarked quietly.

Clarke kept her hands occupied with the gloves on her lap. “It’s nothing. Nothing I haven’t had time to prepare for.”

“Perhaps I can help.”

Clarke frowned. “You?”

“Sometimes the words of a stranger can open new doors.”

Clarke smiled at the odd saying. Maybe it would help to talk about it.

“In truth, I shouldn’t be here at all. I’m getting engaged tomorrow to a very conservative family.”

“You are marrying the entire family?”

Clarke let out a small laugh, which in turn made Lexa smile.

“No, just the eldest son, but they’re quite close. We’ll live in the family estate, just a floor above his parents’ bedroom.”

Lexa wrinkled her nose.

“They’re all very nice, really,” Clarke felt the need to add.

“I’ve found that people often say nice instead of boring,” Lexa said. “I presume it’s arranged?”

Clarke nodded, oddly relieved she could talk about it without being judged so closely. Perhaps Lexa was right—it was easier to speak with someone so detached from the topic.

“A few months ago,” Clarke started, “collectors told my mother that she had yet to repay my father’s debt. He… before he passed, he had a habit of gambling. The Collins have been eager to marry their son and offered to repay our debt should I agree.”

Lexa pursed her lips in thought. “And… this son is incapable of finding a wife on his own?”

Clarke remembered the first and last time she had met him. “Finn is… very focused on his bookkeeping career.”

“Ah. So he is indeed horribly boring and cannot hold a woman’s attention.”

Clarke bit back a smile. “I didn’t say that.”

“Do you think you could love him?”

Clarke was taken aback by the question. She looked down at her hands, feeling silly.

“I’ve only met him once. We talked briefly about hobbies and he prattled on about his wood carvings,” she sighed. “He seems kind enough… Perhaps that is how love should start.”

“If it’s all for a debt…” Lexa trailed off, not wanting to presume anything, “surely you could appeal to someone?”

Clarke shook her head. “My mother’s already tried everything. She even started sewing for her close friends, but it’s such an enormous sum. Only selling the house could repay it, really, and I’ll die before I see my mother in the streets.”

“What about court?” Lexa suggested. “It’s open to private requests of this nature.”

Clarke frowned. “The Queen deals with so many important affairs—the fate of the Griffin house is meaningless in comparison. We would never dare bother her with it.”

“Yes, the Queen is rather busy,” Lexa agreed. “But I hear the Princess deals with private matters and has time on her hands. She did throw this extravagant ball for herself.”

Clarke smiled. “She opened the palace doors to the people. I would say she has made the kingdom happy tonight.”

Lexa hummed in acknowledgment. “It’s been some time since the palace was this lively.”

Clarke bit her lip, feeling curious. “Have you been here many times before?”

Lexa looked up at the palace walls, stretching so high and wide with its many windows. “One might say I work here.”

“Oh. You must be very used to it all, then.”

“I’ll say.”

“What do you do?”

“I make sure things run smoothly.”

Clarke nodded in understanding. “I do my share of that at home. I suppose I’ll do even more of it at the Collins estate.”

“Is that what they expect of you?” Lexa inquired softly.

“I don’t know… They’re conservative.”

“So you’ve mentioned.”

Clarke frowned. “It’s a lifestyle like any other and they don’t bother anyone with it.”

“I apologize,” Lexa said, looking at her hands. “I didn’t mean to sound critical. It’s as you’ve said: your love might very well start that way. I don’t know, really. I’m a stranger in a mask.”

Clarke noticed that Lexa’s fingers slightly curled around the fabric of her pants.

“Well… Stranger, how do you think it starts?” Clarke asked.

Lexa took a small breath. “I think, perhaps, it starts with an attraction amplified by dancing and conversation. I think it’s a strong feeling in the pit of your stomach and a horrible desire to run away because you might make a fool of yourself, and yet an even stronger notion that if you do, she will leave to meet her betrothed and you might never see her again, and that—that would be most unacceptable.”

Clarke gave Lexa a soft smile. “But your attraction is to a mask. What is beneath could be terribly disappointing.”

Lexa finally looked at her, the hand on her thigh relaxing as she picked up on the playful nature of Clarke’s words.

“I can’t think of anything that would disappoint.”

“You would not be repulsed by sores, warts, and boils?”

Lexa chuckled. “All three? I’d like the name of the witch you have upset so thoroughly to suffer such a curse. I’ll pay her a visit myself.”

Clarke laughed. “You’re mad.”

“I may very well be. The truth is I lost all propriety when I learned I only had one night in your company.”

“Lexa…”

“You must forgive me.”

“It’s forgiven.”

“But is it really?”

Lexa approached slowly and kissed her so very tenderly that Clarke only felt the sweet brush of her lips before she pulled away. Clarke looked into her eyes and silently pleaded the skies to stop the world around them for just this moment. She gripped Lexa’s collar and, with a sigh of surrender, pulled her closer to reclaim those insufferable lips. It was her first kiss and Clarke would cherish it as her most precious secret.

The chime of the palace clock brought her back to reality. As her eyes swept over Lexa’s closed eyelids and parted lips, Clarke knew a secret was all this could ever be.

“I’m sorry, I…” She shook her head and got up, fingers trembling over her lips.

“Clarke,” Lexa whispered. She had a look in her eyes that reminded Clarke of someone who had drunk a glass too many.

“I can’t. I can’t. I’m meeting Finn tomorrow!” Clarke exclaimed. She couldn’t betray her mother.

Without a second thought, she gathered her dress and ran out of the garden, through the main hall, and down the palace stairway. She spotted Gustus immediately, brushing the horses as he chatted with another driver.

“Gustus, Gustus, we have to leave! Quickly!”

Without missing a beat, he opened the door for her before jumping on and shouting at the horses to go. As the carriage sped past the golden gates, Clarke bit the insides of her cheeks to stop herself from looking back. If she did, she might see the woman who had stolen her first kiss and the very heart galloping in her chest.

* * *

When Clarke woke the next morning in her bed, the sun had started to rise. She felt tired and heavy, barely able to keep her eyes open. And yet she’d fought against sleep all night, tossing and turning in bed, wondering about Lexa, if it had all been a dream or if it was truly her she could still taste on her lips. She remembered the smell of the garden and the sound of the fountain, saturating her senses with the memory of what she had gained and lost in one night.

The doors opened abruptly, revealing her mother wrapped in a shawl. She seemed worried.

“Clarke, get up!”

Clarke squinted at her mother who quickly opened the window and let the sunlight pour in.

“What is it?” She groaned.

“A royal carriage is approaching the house!”

Clarke’s eyes widened. She threw the blankets off of her and ran up to the window. They both watched as an ornate carriage with six white horses drove down the path that led to their home.

Abigail looked at Clarke with fear in her eyes.

“What on earth did you do last night?”

“What? Nothing!” Clarke swore, heart in her throat as she watched the carriage horses come to a stop. The driver, who had broken a sweat, ran his hand atop his bald head.

“You must’ve done something,” Abigail panicked. “Oh goodness, did you insult the Queen?”

“She wasn’t even there!”

The carriage doors finally opened.

Clarke’s mother gasped. “It’s Princess Alexandria!”

It would be hard for anyone who had never seen the Princess to know so quickly she was of royal blood. After all, apart from the ridiculously ornate carriage she stepped out of, there was nothing quite as fanciful about her. Not in the way Clarke had ever imagined, at least.

And yet, here was the Princess herself standing on the gravel of the Griffin estate. In just the space of a heartbeat, Clarke recognized the sweep of her hair, the proud chin, and Lexa’s impossible smile as their eyes met and she inclined her head in greeting.

If she weren’t gripping the curtain so tightly, Clarke had a feeling she would faint.

#clexa #clexaedit #clarke x lexa #wlw #f: the night of #a bit disney-ish for those in the mood

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elegant-etienne · 7 years

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Campfire: What’s your favourite childhood memory?

“I know I talk a lot about how unhappy my childhood was. I suppose that takes away from the genuine love my mothers had for me - yes, both of them, as fraught as my relationship with my mother was. I have many fond memories of them both before things took a turn. Our Calamity happened far earlier.” A small sigh.

“Many of these fond memories are things we made habits of - dressing up and attending church services, reading to me from the Enchiridion or telling me stories before bed. Mother taught me how to apply make up when she saw I had an interest in it, when I was almost too small to properly hold one of those fine little brushes. And I had great fun with the friends I had back then, running around in the Jeweled Crozier and picking people’s pockets or playing pranks. My dear friend Bernadine and I grew up together - her grandmother was the madam of the brothel Mother worked at, and during the morning hours when everyone was still waking and getting ready, we’d play loud games running up and down the halls until someone turned us out in the streets. We played prince and princess, and I always made Bernadine be the prince to rescue me. Sometimes we’d go to the Final Vigil and play hide and seek among the gazebos, or spy on the rich children.” Etienne clears their throat. “I may have had my eye on one or two of the Fortemps’ sons...”

“But the fondest? The one I reflect upon most? I was ten or eleven. It was shortly before things really got bad. After having suffered a rather nasty bit of teasing from some other children - I could go into that, how even the poorest find something to look down upon in other, but I shan’t digress - I went off on my own to calm down a bit. I never risked Mother seeing me cry, it upset her. Mama Adelie came to find me and coaxed from me the truth of the matter. There were always rumors about who my father was, as my adoption was not well-known. Thus, to them, I was even more common than they, my ties could not be confirmed to anyone important and my Mother was from a long-fallen house. I had no future, and looked funny, even ugly, and my father would never come for me.”

“‘Every single last one of them was an accident, Etienne. Perhaps some of their mothers did intentionally become pregnant with some nobleman’s child, but that only means they were an accident to their fathers. They were born to saddle someone else. Others were accidents entirely, and I hear all day from their parents who work hard to feed so many mouths. We took you in because we wanted to have a family. We’re not concerned with nobility or furthering our station. We simply wanted you in our lives. And you have made it better.”

She smoothed out my hair, and said, “Next time they bother you, simply punch one of them in the nose.”

“Mother said I shouldn’t let them upset me.”

Adelie shrugged. “Why lie about it? Why show them grace when they have no manners at all? I’ll make you a sword next time I have a few scraps at the shop, and you can strike them about their ears. That will teach them!”

She laughed, and hugged me close. “Don’t tell Mother, but I’m putting a little gil aside for a farm in Coerthas. It’s an old family farm that’s overgrown, but we can make it work. There’s space enough for you to run in the grass, under the sky. Space enough to raise you and perhaps a brother or sister or two.”

We spent all evening until the moon was high in the sky, speaking of the things we’d plant and what our farm would be like. I wanted a bush of oldroses, and a tree house, and so on like that. In that moment, the whole world seemed so full of love and possibility. Later, Adelie made me that little toy sword, and started teaching me how to use it, though her own skill was paltry. The happiness, while short-lived, was full - complete.”

#asks #writing #t-zeitel

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linaliveshere · 7 years

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My Top 15 albums

Music to me is a stress relief. It is something that reflects your mood, no matter how you are feeling. It transports you back in time, almost as if you are living and breathing in a different generation. Music liberates you, its helps you connect with the cores and values that you have and continues to help you grow. Music gives you the fondest memories, is the soundtrack to your life and much of the reason why we connect with others on an intimate basis.

For me, a university student who is at the cusp of starting the next chapter of her life, music is an incredible escape from reality. Over the years, my knowledge and acceptance of music has allowed me to collate and enjoy many artists of many genres. On twitter and Tumblr, I asked what you guys would prefer for me to talk about, and my top 15 albums of all time came in at number one. Below, with much difficulty may I add, I have sought out my top 15 albums of all time!

1. INXS: Kick

I honestly cannot fault this album in the slightest. INXS was such a powerhouse for Australian music and they bought our industry to the mainstream across the world. Michael Hutchence was such a prolific singer and songwriter, a true artist who could grasp the concept of emotion and reality and put it so well into a song. Kick was an album that kick-started (pardon the pun) the juggernaut, headed by the smash hit Never Tear Us Apart. This whole album from start to finish is pure genius, and honestly makes you feel like you’re on a never-ending roller coaster. If you have never listened to this album, you should.

Top 3 songs:

-Never Tear Us Apart

-Kick

-Need You Tonight

2. The Weeknd: House of Balloons

Known to most of us by his stage name The Weeknd, Abel Tesfaye has become one of the biggest superstars in the world. From record breaking singles and albums to top collaborations with artists such as Daft Punk and Lana Del Ray, his discography has come a very long way since his first proper release- House of Balloons. Everyone seems to say that the first release is always the best and I will dispute that, but not in this case. Every album Abel has done has been so different and incredible, but something about House of Balloons stands out. The raw stumbling’s of drug abuse and sexual desires that he was singing about was something next level. Others had done it before him, but the way he produced this album was next level. It was a considerably short LP for the XO, only 50 minutes long. But it is enough to transport you back to his harsh Canadian upbringing and why he is like he is.

Top 3 songs:

-Wicked Games

-Coming Down

-High For This

3. Kendrick Lamar: To Pimp a Butterfly

First thing I want to say about Kendrick and this masterpiece of an album was that HE WAS ROBBED ALBUM OF THE YEAR AT THE GRAMMYS!! Kendrick has always been very popular online- much like counterpart Chance The Rapper, and made his mainstream debut when this album- To Pimp A Butterfly, flew up the charts around the world. Along with doing the infamous festival circuit which include headlining iconic festivals such as Glastonbury, Coachella and Australia’s very own Splendour in the Grass, To Pimp A Butterfly gained more traction. It brings to the surface all the issues that we as a society are too reluctant to talk about or see the truth about- racial tensions, the police brutality, the treatment of people of colour in general- especially women of colour and so much more. What elevated this album though for me was when Kendrick did a mash up of ‘The Blacker the Berry’ and ‘Alright’ with him being tied up in shackles singing behind a jail cell door. America at that time was in the grunt of the presidential campaign, making it even more dramatic and brought the album to a new audience.

Top 3 songs:

-The Blacker The Berry

-King Kunta

-These Walls

4. The Killers: Hot Fuss

The Killers are one of those bands who continually fly under the radar but remain so popular. Having two older sisters with quite a big age gap between us, my introduction to The Killers was through them blasting this album in the car non-stop; but I didn’t mind that. Hot Fuss is the best debut album of any artist I have listened to. The Killers weren’t punk rock or rock and roll- they were alternate rock. It was good enough for the music geeks and to be played on top 40 radio. This album holds two of the catchiest choruses ever with the songs ‘Mr Brightside’ and ‘Somebody Told Me’. Every time I listen to Hot Fuss, it sparks a little flame inside me and I sing at the top of my lungs. Along with this, the lyrics to the songs on the album are absolutely phenomenal and from start to finish take you on a journey. There are tales of heartbreak and regret with ‘All These Things That I Have Done’ and ‘Jenny Was a Friend of Mine’, love and adulation with ‘Midnight Show’ and ‘Everything Will Be Alright’. This album is honestly timeless and no matter how old you are, is pure enjoyment.

Top 3 Songs:

-Smile Like You Mean It

-Midnight Show

-On Top

5. Coldplay: Viva la Vida

I have been to a lot of concert, shows, gigs and festivals in my almost 23 years of life, and Coldplay has come out on top every time. Much like others on the list, their entire discography is something that I will listen to over and over and not get bored of it. Despite my favourite song of all time coming from their album X&Y (Fix You), Viva la Vida or Death and All His Friends, or the stadium stomper as it is known as by music geeks, is an album that cemented Coldplay a stadium tour status. The massive drum and guitar, as well as incorporating orchestra was the first of its kind that I had heard, and I fell in love with the album immediately. Chris Martin is one of my favourite singer/songwriters of all time, and his ability to take something usually so hectic and not usually incorporated into mainstream music and make it his own is something that I admire him for. What really made this album pop of course was the stadium vibe and the enormity of the sound.

Top 3 songs:

-Viva la Vida

-Cemeteries of London

-Lovers in Japan/Reign of Love

6. Rihanna: ANTI

Robyn Rihanna Fenty is and always will be my woman crush. After doing 7 albums in 7 years, my babe Rihanna took about 3 years out of the spotlight to create her latest and most bold album to date- ANTI. There is something about the authentic of this album that puts this above the rest. Having that time off and going back to her Caribbean roots brought this album to the next level. The mix of her old-school reggae and more modern r’n’b, along with the improvement of her vocals along the way helped elevate it, but her bad girl persona did remain- especially with the inaugural song from the album ‘Bitch Better Have My Money’. The song ‘Work’, with rapper Drake, sent this album to elite status. It is fun and makes you feel like you can take on anyone and anything, and in contrast, will pull at your heart strings with songs such as Love on The Brain’. I am still upset that she did not tour Australia with the album, so thanks RiRi!

Top 3 songs:

-Love On The Brain

-Kiss It Better

-Woo

7. Fleetwood Mac: Rumours

I have always known who Fleetwood Mac were, but I was introduced to this album only a short while ago. Stevie Nicks is an absolute boss. Fleetwood Mac became dominant at the time where social constructs were a lot different to how they are now. The fact that this album not only challenged music minds and records, but created the shift for social change as well. Artists like Madonna and Cindy Lauper were aided by the success of Stevie Nicks and the fact she was a main vocal in a genre dominated by white males. One of the reasons I love Rumours so much is because of the massive influence it had on the music industry. It also included the catchy songs like ‘Dreams’ and ‘Go Your Own Way’. Fleetwood Mac and especially Stevie Nicks are timeless and a once-in-a-generation artist who has as much influence as they did.

Top 3 Songs:

-Go Your Own Way

-You Make Loving Fun

-Oh Daddy

8. Michael Jackson: Thriller

Carrying on from the influence of Stevie Nicks, there is no one better who broke down barriers in terms of race, gender and sexuality like Michael Jackson. There are so many of his albums to choose from, but Thriller is the one that I enjoy the most in terms of music. The title song caused so much controversy, and everyone thought with this controversy that Michael or the album wouldn’t be successful. Boy, people were wrong. After having filmed the first feature-length music video and being an African-American, there were bans put in place. Michael defied the odds and became and even bigger star. Some personal favourites, which I enjoy belting out during a boozy night out like ‘Wanna be Startin’ Something’, ‘Billie Jean’ and ‘Beat It’. Another reason why I love this album so much is that it produced one of the most iconic moments in pop culture- the introduction of the moonwalk at the Motown 25 special on May 16, 1983. And yes, I am still trying to perfect the move.

Top 3 Songs:

-Beat It

-Billie Jean

-Human Nature

9. Ed Sheeran: +

Ed Sheeran is possibly the best singer/songwriter of the past 5 years. With his most recent album ‘Divide’ and the inaugural single ‘Shape of You’ breaking all kinds of streaming and charting records, it is no surprise that his music beforehand would be top-notch as well. Enter Ed’s first proper LP- Plus. This was such a raw album that spoke about Ed and the difficulties that surrounded him and other people, much like The Weeknd with House of Balloons. This album came into my life at a time where I was struggling, with songs like ‘The A Team’ and ‘Lego House’ indirectly playing with my emotions and opening a light to a lot of the problems that I was having. Ed toured this album twice, and his presence on stage reflects how people such as myself interpret the album as well. Oh, and I’ve also had the pleasure in meeting Ed and telling him how thankful I am for him!

Top 3 Songs:

-Small Bump

-Kiss Me

-Drunk

10. Beyoncé: Lemonade

This would not be a top album countdown without the mention of the most famous women of the modern era. Beyoncé has delivered hit after hit. When her latest album Lemonade dropped, it caused hysteria of all sorts. She has been the campaigner of the visual album as well after her Beyoncé release, and Lemonade was no different. Much like Kendrick Lamar, who features on one of the standouts of the album ‘Freedom’, Beyoncé used her audio and visual platforms to seek out the injustice that is happening. She also includes her daughter, Blue, in a lot of them and it makes it that much more personalised. Her vocals are still red hot, as proven by hits ‘Formation’ and ‘Hold Up’, which now boasts the infamous bat and car scene. This album is honestly one in a million and I can never get bored of it!

Top 3 Songs:

-Freedom (feat Kendrick Lamar)

-All Night

-Hold Up

11. Maroon 5: Songs About Jane

The first concert I ever went to centered around this album. Maroon 5 have been around for as long as I’ve been alive, and their music continues to adapt with pop culture. Adam Levine, the front man, was my first real celebrity crush, and this album did solidify that. Songs About Jane was a forefront in indie music at the time of its release, headed by She Will Be Loved and Sunday Morning. Their cover of Harder to Breathe and the inclusion This Love gives you Adam’s sensual voice right to your very core. the use of the guitar in this album is impeccable- in one song it will make you get up and dance when in the next it makes you feel like you could cry for days about your ex-lover. The lyrics and the execution of this album are timeless, and no matter what decade or era it is brought into, would be successful.

Top 3 Songs:

-She Will Be Loved

-Harder to Breathe

-Tangled

12. Taylor Swift: Red

I feel like Taylor Swift has been around for every turning point in my life. 13-year-old me found out who she was through my love of the Jonas Brothers and her guitar-twanging smash Our Song. Through the country phase to what is her best album to date- pop alumni Red. This album, like many of her others, tells a story of love and heartbreak, but also celebrates having the right people in your life. ‘22’, one of the biggest selling singles by Taylor, is one of my favourite songs of all time. Despite being noted by a lot of people as ‘pop trash’, the significance of this song resonates with a lot of people. It is about being care-free and living your life to the fullest no matter what. ‘All Too Well’ and ‘Red’ talk about heartache and how love in all forms can manipulate you in so many ways. This album is raw and full of emotion, no matter the genre it is placed under. The Red Tour was also my favourite Taylor concert as well.

Top 3 Songs:

-State of Grace

-All Too Well

-22

13. Kanye West: 808’s and Heartbreak

Say what you want about Yeezy, but he definitely knows his sound and his music. 808’s and Heartbreaks is an album that took Kanye out of the hip-hop world to the more mainstream. The mellowed down sound with the use of the heavy drop verberating in the chorus’ of most of these songs brought the genre and the album to another dimension. ‘Heartless’ and ‘Love Lockdown’, the two main singles from this work, are so well put together though the emotion elicited in Kanye while he is singing and rapping, as well as the tremendous loops in the beat. I have never witnessed music before or after this album that makes you want to get up and dance but cry your god damn eyes out at the same time. If you are one of those people who loves a continuous bop, this album is right up your alley.

Top 3 Songs:

-Love Lockdown

-Paranoid

-Say You Will

14. Adele: 25

What a woman. I don’t have enough words to describe the feel, emotion and powerhouse vocal that is Adele. Unless you were living under a rock over the past 18 months, her song ‘Hello’ was everywhere and definitely set the scene for the whole album. Adele is one of very few people who can stand on a stage with little to no movement around her and manage to captivate millions. Her amazing voice capitulates almost every other artist in the industry right now. Listening to ‘25’ is honestly an out of body experience every time you listen to a song.

Top 3 Songs:

-Send My Love (To Your New Lover)

-I Miss You

-Water Under the Bridge

15. One Direction: Midnight Memories

This wouldn’t be a countdown without my absolute favourites of all time, right?! Midnight Memories by far is my favourite album from One Direction. They had a lot of song writing and production influence on this album, and it is very noticeable compared to their first two albums. The boys having that much influence on this album shone through, especially with the rock undertones and the sophisticated lyrics laced through all the songs. Alas, they did make this album with the fact that they were about to embark on a stadium tour, and this album is a massive stadium stomper. Harry, Liam and Zayn all shine vocally, whilst Niall and Louis’ songwriter impressed throughout the whole album. I honestly love this album with all my heart, and my eyes still water every time a song comes on because I miss One Direction so much. I am still bitter that I missed out on seeing this tour.

Top 3 Songs:

-Strong

-Happily

-Through the Dark

SPECIAL MENTION to Harry Styles and his new solo album, which would have been on the list if it was out already :P

#music #albums #inxs #theweeknd #kendrick lamar #thekillers #maroon5 #one direction #harry styles #beyonce #rihanna #adele #fleetwood mac #kanye west #taylor swift #michael jackson #ed sheeran #coldplay

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gyrlversion · 5 years

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Meet the Iraq War veteran and presidential candidate who wants to carry on John McCains legacy of public service for a new generation

‘A call to action’

In 2013, Democrat Seth Moulton had a calling to serve on Capitol Hill.

After unseating Democratic Rep. John Tierney — an 18-year incumbent and a close ally of House Speaker Nancy Pelosi — in the Massachusetts 6th Congressional District general election, he went on to cement his seat when he ran uncontested in his district’s primary election last year.

Now, the 40-year-old congressman is trying to bring his voice to the 2020 presidential debates as a Democratic candidate.

“I believe it’s time for a new generation of leadership in our politics,” Moulton said to INSIDER. “I believe we need a nominee for our party who can not only beat Donald Trump, but can bring the party and country back together again once we do.”

But Moulton found a different calling before he began his political career.

Moulton said that as a college student in 2001, he was inspired to join the military through a quote adorned at Harvard University’s church:

“While a bright future beckoned, they freely gave their lives and fondest hopes for us and our allies, that we might learn from them courage in peace to spend our lives making a better world for others.”

“It’s not just a memorial — it’s a call to action,” Moulton said during a sermon at Harvard. “And to me that quote summarized what I learned in these pews: that it’s not enough just to graduate here with some good ideas, some good beliefs.”

“You ought to do something with it, and it ought to be something that benefits others, not just yourself,” he added.

Moulton considered joining the Army but ultimately set his sights on the Marines. In the summer of 2001, he began his paperwork to earn the title of a Marine Corps infantry officer.

A few months later, the 9/11 terrorist attacks occurred. Moulton said he signed his military contract the following month.

Read more: ‘Now is not the time for silence’: Lawmaker calls for action after Las Vegas shooting

New York City, September 11, 2001.

Associated Press

Moulton went on to receive his commission and deployed four times in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom — a war he says, he fundamentally disagrees with and describes as “disastrously poor.”

It was during the first firefight as an infantry platoon leader that he felt truly humbled and witnessed “first-hand how much responsibility I had.”

Moulton fought in two major battles in the Iraq War and was awarded the Bronze Star and the Navy and Marine Corps Commendation medal with accompanying “V” devices for valor. His award citations reportedly included “fearlessly [exposing] himself to enemy fire” after four of his Marines were wounded.

While there are plenty examples of lawmakers embellishing their military record, Moulton continues to underplay his service. During his initial bid for Congress, few people knew of his merit-based awards — including his parents and the majority of his campaign staff, according to The Boston Globe.

Moulton played down his service when asked about his portrait of a war hero: “My heroes are the Marines I’ve served with,” Moulton said to INSIDER. “I just did what thousands of other veterans have done before and after me.”

Following his military contract, Moulton has been an outspoken critic of the Iraq War and joined a bipartisan group of lawmakers to curb the broad funding for the wars against terrorism.

“While I believe that the war was a mistake, I don’t regret doing what I could to serve our country by leading the 36 brave, young Marines in my platoon,” Moulton said in a campaign video in 2013. “I learned what service really means.”

Read more: Photos show moment President George W. Bush learned of 9/11 attacks

1st Lt. Seth Moulton, second from the left, during a battle in Najaf, Iraq, August 2004.

Lucian Read/SethMoulton.com

‘It’s time for the generation that fought in Iraq and Afghanistan to take over for the generation who sent us there’

Moulton’s ties to the military didn’t end after the Marine Corps. He carried his experience to Capitol Hill and the House Armed Services Committee, where he believed Congress needed to fill its ranks with more military veterans.

He raised millions of dollars through the Serve America PAC, his veteran-boosting political action committee. Between January 2017 and September 2018, the PAC raised $2 million and was the third-highest Democratic leadership fundraiser, according to POLITICO.

Moulton’s endorsement of “a new generation of leaders” paid off during the 2018 midterm elections. The candidates, many of whom have military or intelligence agency backgrounds, flipped House seats in states like Virginia, New York, New Jersey, and Pennsylvania.

“I think we need to give a voice to a new generation of leaders who are stepping up across the country,” Moulton said. “We need more political leaders to put the country before political party. I think that’s what Americans are looking for, and that’s why you saw veterans do so well in the 2018 midterms.”

“We want leaders that we can trust, we want leaders who are going to do the right thing for their country,” Moulton added. “Those who have had experience doing that in the past, literally putting their lives on the line for America, know what public service means.”

Read more: Veterans unloaded on a Senate candidate’s comments about military service

President Donald Trump.

Carolyn Kaster/AP

No better enemy, no worse friend

As a congressman, Moulton considers President Donald Trump’s tenure as commander-in-chief an embarrassment.

As a retired Marine, he considers it a personal insult.

“I’d love to be on the debate stage with Trump and ask him how his bone spurs are doing,” Moulton said, referring to Trump’s controversial bone spur diagnosis that kept him from serving in the Vietnam War.

Moulton said he disagrees with Trump’s bold claims of having done more to help the military than any previous president.

“He’s not putting America first when he undermines our constitution and our values,” Moulton said to INSIDER. “In fact, he keeps forgetting what America is all about.”

Moulton deferred to the motto of the 1st Marine Division, where he served under the broad leadership of then-Maj. Gen. James Mattis: “Our division motto was ‘no better friend, no worse enemy,’ and this is a motto for our country.”

“But Trump is doing the exact opposite,” Moulton said. “He’s abandoning our friends and allies across the globe. He’s cozying up to some of the worlds worst dictators. And fundamentally, he’s a commander-in-chief that we can’t trust.”

Read more: Marine Corps general reportedly leaked a sensitive memo questioning Trump’s border plan

Republican Sen. John McCain of Arizona walks past the iron bars of a jail cell within ‘Hanoi Hilton’ during a tour.

Reuters

One of these friends that Moulton refers to is the late Republican Sen. John McCain of Arizona, the longtime lawmaker whose willingness to work across the political aisle earned him the nickname “Maverick.”

McCain leaves behind a storied legacy following his death from brain cancer — a legacy that spans Congress and the military, where his own tribulations earned him numerous meritorious awards.

“John McCain is an American hero,” Moulton said. “And though I didn’t always agree with him politically, I was proud to work with him to support our country and to support our troops.”

But President Donald Trump continues to disagree with that assessment and hasn’t been shy about his feelings towards McCain. Trump has vexed some of his most ardent supporters, including Republican Sen. Lindsey Graham of South Carolina, by continuing to make disparaging comments against the late senator.

“They’re pathetic as usual,” Moulton said of Trump’s attacks. “[McCain] continues to intimidate the president even from the grave.”

Read more: ‘Pathetic and telling’: Meghan McCain responds after Trump reportedly taunted John McCain after his death

Democratic Rep. Seth Moulton of Massachusetts and Republican Rep. Mike Gallagher of Wisconsin in the Armistice Room between the border of North and South Korea.

Courtesy of Seth Moulton

Like many others who have shared their memorable encounters with McCain, Moulton also revealed a special moment with the late senator.

In 2017, Moulton was part of a congressional delegation to the Asia-Pacific. One of his stops included Hoa Lo Prison, also known as Vietnam’s “Hanoi Hilton,” where McCain was subjected to torture and solitary confinement for over five years during the Vietnam War.

McCain paused to deliver a few remarks as the delegation toured the prison.

“At one point, he stopped and talked about how proud he was to serve the country, both in the Navy and in Congress,” Moulton recounted to INSIDER.

McCain then turned and pointed towards Moulton and Rep. Mike Gallagher of Wisconsin, a newly-elected 33-year-old Republican congressman and retired Marine.

McCain’s next words stuck with Moulton ever since: “And there’s a new generation of veterans stepping up to serve as well.”

“I’m just trying to carry on that tradition,” Moulton said.

Read more: The incredible life of John McCain in photos

Rep. Seth Moulton of Massachusetts.

AP Photo/J. Scott Applewhite

“There’s other white men running — we have plenty of those”

Moulton still faces a significant hurdle on the road to the Democratic primaries: his candidacy comes at a time when the Democratic field is crowded with political heavyweights.

Two dozen Democrats have announced their candidacies with less than a year away from the Iowa Democratic caucuses in February. Candidates like Democratic Sen. Bernie Sanders of Vermont, a frontrunner in the 2016 US presidential election, already has a two-month head start and raised $18.2 million in the first six weeks of announcing his campaign.

But Moulton won’t just be running against Democrats with big coffers. The moderate Democrat’s policy proposals are similar to that of his more progressive colleagues — including implementing the Green New Deal, making sweeping changes to the US electoral process, and eliminating the Senate filibuster.

Moulton also faces other candidates with similar backgrounds. Unlike the 2016 Democratic primaries where the only candidate with military experience was former Sen. Jim Webb of Virginia, Moulton has the challenge of distinguishing himself from others veterans:

Former South Bend, Indiana mayor Pete Buttigieg, 37, served in the US Navy Reserve and deployed to Afghanistan as an intelligence officer.

Rep. Tulsi Gabbard of Hawaii, 38, currently serves in the Hawaii Army National Guard and deployed with a medical unit to Iraq.

Read more: Seth Moulton is running for president in 2020. Here’s everything we know about the candidate and how he stacks up against the competition

Mayor Pete Buttigieg and Rep. Seth Moulton at a Democratic gala in Indiana, September 14, 2017.

@PeteButtigieg/Twitter

Moulton, who in recent weeks hosted speaking tours for veterans organizations in New Hampshire, Nevada, and South Carolina, said he bore no grudge against the Democratic candidates.

Moulton particularly has close ties to Buttigieg, who graduated from Harvard three years after he did. (Moulton did not know of Buttigieg when he attended Harvard, but previously appeared at Democratic-sponsored events for Buttigieg in Indiana.)

“I have great respect for all the other candidates who are running,” Moulton said. “But I’m going to leave it to Americans across the country on determining if I can contribute to that conversation in a helpful way.”

Democratic strategists like Rebecca Katz, a former campaign advisor to New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio, said Moulton and his policy proposals will have difficulty standing out from the slew of other candidates.

“I think with this many candidates running, you have to make a clear case that if you’re going to enter the race, it’s because you have something,” Katz said. “And I don’t believe [Moulton] has something that the other candidates don’t.”

Katz described Moulton’s résumé as an “amazing personal story” but said it was not enough to distinguish him from other candidates.

“There’s other white men running — we have plenty of those,” Katz said. “There’s other members of Congress. There’s other people who have served. There’s other millennials. What is his case? I don’t know.”

Democratic Rep. Seth Moulton during a campaign event at the Strand Theatre, October 3, 2014 in Boston.

Stephan Savoia/AP

Nathan Ballard, a former spokesman for Sen. John Kerry’s presidential campaign in 2004, had more colorful words for the presidential hopeful: “Moulton is in the bottom tier of candidates. His chances of winning are the same as an asteroid hitting Manhattan, exploding, and scattering pieces of candy all over the Central Park like a giant piñata.”

Moulton’s poll numbers are also indicative of an uphill battle. Based on a recurring series of national surveys, INSIDER was unable to determine the viability of his candidacy. Another Monmouth University poll revealed that 56% of Iowa Democrats who were likely to vote had never heard of him.

“This candidacy has the aroma of a ‘profile-raising’ run,” Ballard said. “Deep down, Moulton knows he is primarily running to boost his [name] for future races.”

Moulton didn’t rule out the possibility of running for higher office in the future, so long as he could continue serving the nation.

“There are always going to be critics in politics,” Moulton said. “I’m going to do what I believe is best for the country.”

The post Meet the Iraq War veteran and presidential candidate who wants to carry on John McCains legacy of public service for a new generation appeared first on Gyrlversion.

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ceruleanhail · 7 years

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Letter 18: That Person That You Wish you Could Be

Dear Godmum,

It is odd to write this letter to you in a language we’d never spoken with each other. I would have started with an apology, but I remember that you do know English! Hah! Nevertheless, irregardless of your language mastery, I would hope that afterlife would have allowed you to transcend past language barriers.

It is strange, godmum. Often when I write this letter challenge, my heart is usually filled with doubts, conflicts and even a bit of self-hatred. And yet, this time, I feel a sense of calmness, of tranquillity.

The reason I am writing this letter is to encapsulate fond memories I have with you. If there is one thing I discovered while exploring my past written works and old ideas, it’s that I feel thankful of the notes I made, short happy entries that I’d written, and immortalisation of past events. And this time, while my memory is fresh, I want to remember you.

Your presence has always been a pleasant one. Even during the final days, every encounter was a heartwarming one.

I remember the day you asked me to be your goddaughter. I remember how over-the-top and dramatic it was, so totally my favourite style:

You looked at me in a (softly) stern manner, gripped my hands and asked (in Mandarin) if it was true that I didn’t mind being your goddaughter.

I’d solemnly agreed (in Mandarin) that, yes, it was true.

Then you declared us godmum and goddaughter. You even confidently said that, being a goddaughter is receiving the luck of a godmother, and that you are confident you could bring happiness into my life.

(At that point, you probably had no idea that I was actually in a rather gloomy place myself, trapping in a self-made cage of dark thoughts.

At that point, I did not even know I would get more than I bargained for.)

As a symbol of our bond, you mentioned that you would give me an accessory (which turned out to be a pair of ruby earrings). As a symbol of our bond, I bent to my knees and offered you Dong Cong Cao as substitute to the tea ceremony.

(Mother agreed to this whole god-relationship fiasco just to make your final days happy, perhaps to create a distance to protect me from being hurt when we know that your days were numbered. It didn’t work; I knew you were serious, and I could only reciprocate that seriousness with all I have, cancer be damned.)

For an elderly woman with two sons, wanting to have a daughter is not a surprising notion. But what truly baffles me is that: out of all the wonderful other women out there, you would pick me. From you, I could feel that you’re not picking me just for the sake of getting a daughter, but you are picking me for... being me. And that is all that matters.

Every visitations, you often told me how it was worth it to have a goddaughter like me. And every visitations, somehow miraculously, you gave back bits and pieces of my lost self:

a) the interest to cook again, as evident on the chawanmushi I cooked on our final weekend. I... actually wanted to make pudding for you too, knowing that you loved the Tau Foo Fa that we bought. Perhaps I will make pudding, (quietly) in your memory.

b) the betterment of self. I was losing direction in this matter, but being by your side, your presence makes me want to strive harder to be a good person like you.

c) some form of self confidence, just by accepting who I am and making me comfortable to be myself.

d) my lost writing soul. It’s an odd case, I remember starting to write again on the night before your demise, it was like overcoming a tough hurdle, and then writing just became easier (it wasn’t before, even though I wrote something in the past). It feels as if you’ve enabled me to write again.

You also gave me more than that:

a) inner peace - really helpful during work. I was pressured and a tad lost with work recently, but your passing just made me feel that there’s more to life than stressing over work... and tranquility encompasses my heart.

b) so many fond memories! Really remember the time when you wanted me to get you cheesecake on Mother’s Day so that we can share. Although we never did because you were admitted to the hospital then, we still managed to share a bowl of Tau Foo Fa together.

(I remember when you rejected your bowl of Tau Foo Fa yet agreed to share with me. You just took a little bit to your bowl because you were skeptical with the taste, because you thought this would be your typical Tau Foo Fa. It isn’t. You fell in love with it but didn’t want to trouble others and ask for more. I noticed, though, so I offered you my share. You kept making me eat more before allowing me to feed you the last of what I have. You kept saying having me as your goddaughter was the best thing you’ve ever done in your life.)

((Many of your friends would later revered you, would brag at the fact that they were praised by you. That you enjoyed being in their presence, that they are fashionable, that you admire them. But no one could brag how you bragged of me being your goddaughter, because as far as you remember, I was the only precious goddaughter and you’re just happy it stays that way. Hah!))

c) an extended family of supportive big brothers and big sisters. Again, I thought my connection with your family would end after your demise. I thought that, perhaps, you see our relationship as something of Name Only, of a temporary agreement. I was proven wrong again and again during your funeral, because it seems the people closest to you know I am your (god)daughter.

(Admittedly, I have cried four times after your passing.

The first time, I cried (quietly and unnoticed in my office) when received news of your passing. Not because I was sad that you left, no, bless your soul, you were released from mortal constraints and therefore relieved of pain, and I could not be happier for you. No, I cried because I hated how helpless I was, not being able to be by your side, not being able to do more when you were gone (because, they said, everything would be covered by your blood family, oh just what was our bond then?).

It seems my concern was misplaced; I cried the second time when your sons adamantly made sure that I was called in front to pay my respects to you as part of your family. I was touched at the notion that they’d see me as family.

I cried the third time, when I was called in front of your coffin before burial, to stand by your sons and daughter-in-laws, because apparently our familial ties is real and THANK BUDDHA because that means I get to say my goodbyes, to chant sutras, to be near you for one last time time. Which is all I ever wanted.)

I miss you, godmum.

My elder brother described you as one who is “full of smiles, full of laughters”. That is how everyone remembers you. That is how I will always remember you.

You are always kind and true to others, a rare example of a person whom I can never detect any adult falsities. You, who can see the good in others and sang sincere praises of others...

(On the fourth time, I cried when your maid Umi shared her fondest memory of you: when she agreed to extend her contract, you were so delighted. She remembers your smile. She is happy and proud to have served you. In fact, I remembered her saying “Auntie, selamat berjalan! Selamat berjalan! (Safe trip! Safe trip!)” when we have one last view of you. Maids in general are either unhappy or take a master’s kindness for granted; this is one of the rare few times I’ve seen one so fond of her master, so fond of you.)

One can have many teachers in a lifetime, but let it be known that you are one such person that I’d strive to be. And I hope that, by writing this letter, I can remember the happiness and kindness you exhumed.

Rest well, godmum.

#letter challenge #creativehail

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