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am-i-the-asshole-official · 2 days

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Okay here's one. I really dont think I'm the asshole but my ex sure does.

AITA for refusing to buy my partner a jar of pickles?

So this story has like, a little background and some confounding factors i think but i really could go both ways on whether i was the asshole.

Ill start with both my ex (21nb) and i (23f) had severe mental health issues and were working on treatment when we were together. Theyd been in and out of inpatient stays throughout our three year relationship. Towards the Day of Pickles, i had my first inpatient stay where i got help i desperately needed to keep myself safe. This happened to be about a week after my 23rd birthday, but about two and a half weeks before their 21st birthday.

Anyway, at that time i had just gotten out of the hospital and started a new job at Joanns Fabrics (i outlived that retail fucker and im proud of it). I had been unemployed for the previous year and a half because of the pandemic and so the retail job was really my saving grace to have some sort of income to buy gas and groceries. My parents let me live rent free with them in their basement but i spent a LOT of time essentially squatting at my ex's dorm because my situation with my parents was not great.

Now my ex was also being financially abused by their mom so they had a monthly "allowance" of 200$ (of their own money they made at their on campus job) and no access to their bank statements. So i spent a lot of my own money on gas and groceries for both of us, and anything we wanted to do for fun, like visit the city. Without an income, this was SUPER stressful for me and i spiraled pretty hard with feelings of worthlessness and hopelessness. Supporting two people, even minimal living expenses, on an income of exactly 0$ is the WORST.

Anyway, i got out of the hospital and pretty much immediately went back to picking up as many shifts as i could at work because id been on staff for all of two weeks before hospitalization. Knowing retail, i was probably on the precipice of losing hours or being fired altogether.

My ex wanted me to take time off to celebrate their 21st birthday (they didnt celebrate my birthday that year) and travel to see their family and drink etc. I got scheduled for an inconvenient time. I would have to miss their birthday if i didnt find someone to cover. I managed to switch shifts with another coworker who was nice enough to let me have her morning shift, so i was able to at least travel separately and be a little late to dinner.

The night of their birthday my ex wanted to get drunk and so we went to the liquor store. Now im generally pretty picky about alcohol but if i get anything special i always get enough to share. Mysteriously, no one ever offers to share the expense or pay me back. So with all of 150$ in my account, i purchased enough alcohol for myself and the rest of the party, and a bottle of (cheap af) liquor for myself. I was broke af until my next paycheck and was pretty much planning on giving up meals and staying at home because the commute to work was shorter and meant less gas.

My ex picked out a jar of boozy pickles and asked if i would get it for them for their birthday. I should note that with all the stress i was under i had found a birthday present for them but hadnt actually placed the order (was waiting to get paid). I also didnt lie to them about this and had told them that i hadnt gotten their birthday present yet. They were upset by this and told me they felt like i didnt care about them, to which i snapped and raised my voice a little.

I gave them a bit of a reality check. I told them in no uncertain terms that i was under a lot of stress, from nearly killing myself to being flat broke with little to no help from my family other than a conditional roof over my head, ordering their birthday present wasnt super high on my list of things to do and that i knew what i was going to get them and that i intended to order it as soon as i had the money to do so. After years of the sole attention being focused on keeping them alive, i needed some support and acting like i didnt care completely ignored EVERYTHING i did to keep us both afloat.They cried and played the victim as they tended to do and i was too stressed to do anything but be angry.

So when they asked for the pickles i told them no. I have NOTHING left in my bank account, and anything that was in my account was already allocated for something else.

They told me i was being selfish for buying myself alcohol on THEIR birthday, not even getting them a present, yelling at them, and then refusing to buy the one thing they asked for, especially after i refused to take off work the day before to hang out with them and their family. In front of our friends.

I told them that i was purchasing the alcohol for the whole party, that the present had slipped my mind, and that they were accusing me of not caring about them when i snapped. Then i walked out.

My bff went outside to help me cool down and i told him what was going on and how stressed i was and he said that he agreed with me, it was childish to expect me to pay for everything with no help from anyone and then act like im unreasonable for having to put limits on what i can purchase.

My ex ended up getting so pissed by all of this they broke up with me two days later, saying that their birthday was the final straw for them after I'd been so codependent and relying on them too much to survive.

I think its all ridiculous given all of the stress factors i was dealing with at the time. I feel like we're all entitled to the occasional emotional outburst/bouts of forgetfulness when we're stressed. But my ex seems to think im a selfish asshole. We've been no contact for the last two years so this isnt like a pressing concern or anything but it does make me roll my eyes occasionally.

So tumblr, aita?

(Btw im also much more financially stable now that I'm fully and properly medicated and away from them.)

#aita #am i the asshole #suicide cw

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varpusvaras · 2 days

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Leia stops at the middle of the room.

Fox stops as well, and they look at each other for a brief moment, before Leia unclips her lightsaber from her belt.

"Here", she says, and extends the saber to Fox. "Do you want me to go over basics, even though it looked liked you already knew what you were doing."

Fox raises an eyebrow at her.

"I think it's pretty instinctual for anyone who has any level of combat training, to know how to hold on to a weapon and wave it around", he says. "Though perhaps, that counts as me having the basics down."

"Definitely does", Leia says, and then thrusts the lightsaber closer to him. "Take it. I'm not going to lie, I'm not an expert either, since my source for most things regarding the Jedi has been either my brother and the stories my parents told me, but it's better than nothing."

"Considering your situation, I agree", Fox says. He finally reaches out, and takes the lightsaber carefully in his hand. He knows how to hold it the right way, just as Leia had seen before, and she suspects it's because he has seen more than one Jedi use them, despite the Guard not having a Jedi General assigned to them.

They do have her now, Leia's mind posits to her before she can think better of it. She is not a Jedi, nor is she aggined to the Guard officially, but she is a General, she has the Force, and the Guard is hers, now.

Close enough.

Leia nods at him.

"Ignite it", she says. Fox takes a slightly sturdier stance, before doing so.

The blade hums as it ignites, the sound feeling like a summer rain that precedes a thunderstorm. A weapon of protection, but a weapon still.

Leia listens to it for a moment, and smiles.

"It likes you", she tells him.

Fox looks at her, and then at the saber.

"Does it?" He asks. "Can you tell?"

"Yes. It feels at home in your hands, just as it does in mine", Leia explains. "The lightsaber itself is not sentient, as we think of what a sentient is, but as a sort of a conductor of the Force, the crystal in it forms a sort of bond to the wielder."

Fox tilts his head as he gives the saber a closer look.

"It's enough that it likes me?" He asks. "So that it doesn't care that it's me who is wielding it, and not you?"

Leia hesitates, before she answers.

"Mother and father would sometimes say that I remind them of you", she says. "Perhaps they were more correct than I thought."

Fox looks at her, then. There's a searching look in his eyes, though it's not unkind. Leia thinks he knows already, in a sense. Perhaps he has by now started to realise that there is something more in what he feels every time he thinks about her papa or mama.

Leia thinks she might have to tell him, if he asks. Answer yes if he asks if in the another life, that has already gone by for her but not yet arrived for them, he loved them.

Then, his eyes soften, and he hums.

"Clearly, they knew whose daughter you were", he says, a confirmation to everything. He smiles. It's just a quick flash, but a true one nevertheless.

Leia smiles back. She then straightens her back, and Fox does the same. It's time for business, now.

This time, she promises. For herself, for him, for everyone else. This time, they will win, right here.

#more of Leia time travel au!#what's this? lightsaber training?#what could it possibly mean?#you tell me! :)#my writing #snippets #leia time travel au #sw #tcw #Leia Organa #Commander Fox #bail/breha/fox (implied)

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dufferpuffer · 1 day

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What do you think lupin needs in a romantic partner to have a functioning/healthy relationship (as healthy as this man can manage atleast)? What qualities would this person have to have to be able to deal with all the more challenging aspects of being in a relationship with him? But also what does he want in a partner? And what would he absolutely not want?

Me. I am perfect. Remus Lupin hmu

Remus Romantic Partner pt1: Remus is needy Link to pt2: Remus is good (aint done it yet sorry)

In short: Remus Lupin needs an ANCHOR POINT to harbor his ship. 1. Someone interesting he can pour his attention into. 2. Generally up-beat/optimistic, so he has warmth to lean on. 3. Bold enough to be themselves - even if they're different. 4. Kind and accepting of other people 5. A little 'cute'. 'Quirky'. Small 'issues' support. (just a bonus, really) 6. Independent. Can live without him just fine but still want him. 7. Emotionally strong. Immense maturity and stability. 8. Doesn't have much temper, doesn't start drama or fights. Of course he doesn't need ALL of these boxes ticked - but the highlighted ones are the closest to a MUST for the relationship to even have a chance at being healthy. In long: Explanations (and example characters who I think fit) are below. B^)

Remus is an introverted man. He isn't shy (he can take charge of a room, he can speak publicly, he is good at getting people to like him) but when he isn't the focus he is a wall-flower. He doesn't talk much unless he has something to say. He is deeply, irreparably self-conscious. He has trauma of unintentionally hurting those he loves, so he keeps his distance.

((His parents became sick with the stress of having to move house every few months, find new work every few months, keeping their bank account drained... socially isolated with a son they had to lock away every Full Moon - lest he killed them. They loved him but that was a difficult thing for Remus to grow up witnessing, knowing he was the cause. Knowing him leaving for Hogwarts was the best thing to happen for their health since he was bitten... Of course he pushes people away. He can't help being sick - but he can help them not suffer... if he stays away.))

He is always thinking inwardly. He is always anxious. He wonders how he can make himself smaller, friendlier, less scary… Trying to plan how he wants others to relate to him. He tries to control how others think of him, to steer them away from the bad things... He is a wolf in wizards clothing. If he treats everyone as dolls to manipulate, and if they never know the real him... it will hurt everyone less when he leaves.

1. He needs someone who can bust him out of that toxic mindset. Someone that grabs his attention and pulls it away from himself. Someone interesting, skilled, passionate - living a life he can't achieve. Someone with knowledge or stories he can listen to at length and live a little through them... or they can even include him. More of a talker so he can be a listener, so he can focus on someone else's world - but they're also eager to hear whatever he has to say without prying. They aren't arrogant or loud: they can listen, too. Remus needs good, witty conversation over a cup of tea.

2. They need to be generally up-beat, but not in a way that'll crush his down-beat. They invite him to join in if he wants - or else lean on them like they're a heater for his troubled soul while he feels down. Sometimes he will feel bad, or flat, or tired - and they can't fix it.

I don't think he has any visual preferences. What he notices first about people are their mannerisms. He is always shaping himself to fit the room, so I think he admires people who act authentically: Boldness. Bravery. Honesty. Earnestness. Brashness. So... 3. He would be more attracted to people of subcultures and/or strong interests - or are simply out-of-the-expected-norm. I think he would be fascinated about these little nooks of belonging - alternate 'normal's' when the Wizarding world can be so rigid. (Do I think he has a preference for LGBTQIA+? Yeah. General androgyny too.)

4. Kind. Accepting. They need to be kind to others in general. Because he can't always be kind to others. He puts himself first and sometimes that hurts because he WANTS to be more kind. A partner who can pick up the slack? Who he can trust to always be kind and accepting of him - because they are such a way with everyone...? That's just a requirement, really.

5. A small thing I think he likes in particular: A cute factor. A little clumsy, A little slow, Enthusiastic, Awkward, Weak, A bit short/tall... something that isn't an issue but will pop up every now and then, distract him and make him go '...cute. That was cute.' Something he can effortlessly support. Something he can be thoughtful about, thinking of their needs rather than his own. - They struggle to read quickly? He can read out loud for them. - They tend to act impulsively? He can hold them back just enough to let them to give it a second thought. - They struggle in social situations? So he can talk on their behalf. - They keep fumbling and tripping over? He can keep them steady. It's nice to feel useful and kind in a simple, effortless way. Something so obvious to proves he isn't bad at heart - even when he feels awful.

6. They need to be Independent. What he CAN'T have is someone who NEEDS him. Oh god, the pressure… He cant be trapped. He requires a high level of independence... because he WILL FAIL. He WILL leave and break their heart over nothing. He WILL make promises he doesn't intend to keep - because he intends to run away and never look back. If they NEED him, just to stay afloat…? It will break him. He can't be the bread-winner, even if he could have a stable job. He can't be a long-term emotional support, only short-term. He needs to know that WHEN he breaks down and fucks off not 'if' - even if it's FOREVER… that they will be okay without him. 'Not being ok without him' won't make him stay. He will not 'shape up under a bit of pressure'. It will only injure him.

7. He needs someone strong enough to be forgiving. Not a self-harming, forcing yourself to forgive-and-forget either. That is a very real danger with Remus: If he got with someone who was as much a people-pleasing self-depreciator as him…? He will tear them to shreds. He is a toxic man and he requires tough gloves to handle:- Genuinely emotionally strong. Someone he can lean on, far more than they lean on him. - Wise enough to see through his bullshit manipulations and lies - with enough tact to navigate them, understanding he struggles without judgement but holding him gently accountable. - Empathetic enough to understand him even when he can't explain himself properly. - Mature enough to hold him accountable. Can help him understand how he can do better. He is filled with shame - sometimes for very good reasons that need addressing.

He will go through periods of being unable to be contacted, periods of self-endangerment… He needs somewhere, someone, he can crawl back to in shame. Who WILL talk with him seriously about things… but is willing to just let him sleep quietly for the night in their arms, for now. (Am I saying he needs to date a therapist? Yeah, basically. Dating Remus isn't easy.)

8. Doesn't start fights. Doesn't lash out. Doesn't live off of drama. Remus fits himself into situations passively - he doesn't need someone making situations more difficult to feel comfortable in. If they get angry and yell at him - he will yell one hurtful thing back and leave. He has a very limited ability withstand tension. He tries to keep a level head and a level room - he needs a partner who will support those efforts, or at least not sabotage them.

Partners I think have good chemistry, for examples:

NYMPHADORA TONKS. It is annoying how perfectly she has been made to fit Remus' needs, as she is so underutilized. I wouldn't find her as frustrating if she got more fleshing out in ways that weren't the specific things suited to being with Remus… ugh. - She is a skilled Auror, especially for her age. - She lightens the mood of any room by being playful. - She is unapologetic in being herself, accepting people with ease. - She is a bit clumsy - but capable and hugely independent. - Her ability to roll with the punches is insane: every time Remus is hot-and-cold she has both the ability to hold him responsible for how much it hurts and the strength to still stand there for him. - She is firey and doesn't back down, but she isn't trying to start fights. She's just stubborn and confident in what she has to say. To make claims like 'Remus only likes her because she can shapeshift' or whatever is just... no, its because she is perfect for him.

LUNA LOVEGOOD. Surprising, I know. Perhaps in different circumstances they could have hit it off. - Strong interests, a subculture at the edge of Wizarding society yet she is always 'uniquely' and brazenly herself. - Optimistic and up-beat... a little dreamy, air-headed, focus could use some steering sometimes. - Helpful and kind to all, even those that have been mean to her. - Very used to being alone. Independent in body and soul. Quite comfortable being alone - but friends are nice, too. - Emotional strength is a specialty of hers. Even in the worst situations she keeps her head on her shoulders and, despite how aloof she appears, is intelligent, sharp and serious. - Can make demands when she needs to - not a pushover. Bonus: An interest in magical creatures, too. :)

Close, but I think have a large flaw (that might makes them spicy):

SEVERUS SNAPE - Potions Master. Dark Arts specialist. Veteran teacher. All the steady employment and deep, fascinating interests Remus wishes he could have - along with ALSO having been a Spy... and being misunderstood. They have more in common than they don't. - He isn't optimistic, but he is a problem solver, dedicated to making things better than they are. He faces problems head on while Remus would rather curl away. - He understands feeling quiet and low. He might not be warm, but he is a softer place to rest than you'd expect. - He has never changed himself for anyone. He is stubbornly himself, even when it makes him seem like an outcast weirdo. - He has little patience. He isn't gentle or nice. But he cares enough to be kind, even to those he hates... and he is loyal. It isn't ideal for Remus but it gives him a place to fit himself: If Severus is cold, he is warm. If Severus has the quirk of being a snarky, prickly bastard - Remus is skilled at the opposite. - Independent. Accustomed to being alone. Expects to be alone. Being with someone who understands him... a little daunting, really. The main place I think Severus fails here is emotional strength. He is quick to anger and lashes out. He holds grudges. He starts shit and Remus can't handle shit. Severus needs someone who can temper those anger flares, or at least weather them - and Remus can do neither. But perhaps that is the place they can meet in the middle...?

LILY EVANS - Everyone liked her. Talented, bright and strong-willed, She was a popular girl. I think Remus liked her too, but... James and Severus. - She seems a bit cheeky, quick witted - she brightens a room when she walks in. - She was best friends with Severus for years. Maybe she had other friends in her dorm - but if they were as close to her as Severus was, they would have been HIS friends, too. She was willing to be with the outcast, even when popular. - I know it's a movie quote, but I think it still fits from Remus' POV when he says Lily was an 'uncommonly kind woman' and 'had a way of seeing the beauty in others when that person cannot see it themselves.' I think she accepted him fast and firmly. - She didn't need anyone else. She stood up to James by herself. She knew what she was worth. - She seems to prefer ending fights rather than starting them. She hates a bully. Lily doesn't have the 'grit' (for lack of a better word) to take toxicity. She hated James' bullying. She dropped Severus. She has patience and an 'I can help fix him' desire - but they need to put in the effort, too. James cleaned up his act somewhat and she liked that. Remus isn't going to fully succeed at 'fixing' himself. Not just by 'putting some effort in'. It is going to take so long, and be so slow... Severus would be far easier to 'I can help fix him' - and she couldn't handle him. !!!This isn't saying Lily is weak or something. It is incredibly HEALTHY to not being able to put up with toxic shit, to have the strength to say 'enough is enough'. That is a GOOD thing.!!!

A popular partner I DON'T think works out so easily:

SIRIUS BLACK Sirius Black is a dog. He needs people. He needs constant companionship - especially after Azkaban. He is a mess who needs support, company, loyalty... and Remus can't provide any of that with regularity! Waking up in an empty bed, in a cold room, after Remus timidly promised to 'always be there' for him but was lying... it would shatter Sirius. He doesn't have the strength or stability to lose anyone else. Sirius is honest and sticks to his guns even when times get tough. He would rather DIE than turn his back on a loved one. Remus lies unprovoked and runs away with his tail between his legs at the slightest sign of trouble. Sirius, as a traumatized man, is not going to be able to understand why Remus can just throw away everything he has to run off. How he could just leave him alone again...? Doesn't he love him?! At his worst: he is more likely to try and emotionally trap Remus with him, force him to stay - and that just isn't going to work. Remus is a Wolf. He can't be locked in. I don't even think Sirius at his best, pre-Azkaban, would fit well: - He is upbeat, but in a way that tries to break others out of their funks. It's abrasive for him to hang out with someone sad. ((I'm sure he could learn to do it but his instinct is to help.)) - He is kind - but he has a limit. When that limit is passed, his care is snapped. He holds grudges and he makes judgements. - He is not and has never been independent. He is strong-willed and confident about himself, yes - but he thrives when he is at another's side. He has always been like this Azkaban just made it worse. - He doesn't have what it takes to weather Remus' bullshit. That's not a bad thing either, he know how to cut toxic people from his life when they are too heavy - but post-Azkaban he is even more scared of losing people, which makes him vulnerable. - He starts shit. He jumps into arguments, he escalates, he enjoys the thrill and the drama of it. Remus wouldn't join in, even if he agrees with Sirius, and thus would leave him unsupported. We see this very thing happen in OotP

#love you remus #remus lupin #remus my beloved #hp #severus snape #sirius black #lily evans #headcannons #nymphadora tonks

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mamawasatesttube · 3 months

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Was reading some of the yj comics and got to the part where Kon revealed he had a wife and she was holding a baby with dark curly hair and when I tell you that I just about lost my mind alongside Bart bc where did this baby come from???

ah yj19... yes that was one hell of a red herring skjdfh but also genuinely if i think too hard about kon, lophi, and babymartha i will lose my mind. lophi felt so strongly about kon that she let him suggest (and ultimately went with) the name of his (grand)mother for her child. her husband was murdered and this other man showed up and said hey i'll look out for you and the baby because it's the right thing to do and she let him pick the name for that child. there was love in this house. there was LOVE in this house BENDIS. YOU CAN'T JUST ABANDON THEM OR ACT LIKE KON WOULD ABANDON THEM AT THE DROP OF A HAT LIKE THIS???? BENDIS WHAT WAS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE??? BENDIS THERE WAS SO MUCH LOVE IN THIS HOUSE WHAT THE FUCK

#answers #derp-a-la-sheep #like. genuinely? genuinely. i don't think kon ''i wish i had parents'' el would have just walked away from them #even if he was delighted to have been found by bart #like i know its not the story bendis wanted to tell and he was just using them as a red herring #but i think kon would've asked lophi to come with him when he left gemworld. bc she'd be in the same shit boat as a single mom without him #i think ma and pa kent would have loved her and like theyre farmers too and also martha couldve met babymartha #like. prime earth is nothing to me generally speaking but IF i have to think about it LOPHI SHOULD BE THERE

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smile-files · 6 days

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i think the main issue in arguing with zionists is that, well, they believe in zionism! if israel did deserve to exist, then the genocide and injustice in palestine could be argued for (not like it should be, but it certainly could) -- and zionists believe israel deserves to exist.

i, unfortunately, have a large amount of experience interacting (personally) with zionism and zionists. most of those i've talked to feel for the palestinians, and the violence they are facing, but they fail to realize (or they staunchly deny) the very, very active part israel and the IDF have had in that -- and how it's representative of what the nation has always done.

at the same time, they focus more on israeli hostages than palestinian ones -- and i know, of course, that these zionist jews i've interacted with are either israeli or have loved ones in israel, and so have a very personal stake in the safety of israeli hostages (which may very well be friends or family members), but i find it strange how much emphasis they put on hamas' cruelty in taking hostages while the IDF is doing the same thing (in essence; the exact details of who's doing it worse are important to note, but not relevant right now, because folks should realize that their side is being at least as cruel as the enemy's).

recently i was drawn into an argument with an israeli zionist (who, unfortunately, is very close to the action and tragedy by being israeli), and she was incredibly offended by my anti-zionism and my opposition to israel's abject cruelty to palestinian citizens, as it seemed (to her) like i was bypassing the cruelty hamas has enacted on israeli citizens -- which is very telling. i've noticed that we as jews have the tendency, whatever the situation may be, of focusing more on our pain than the pain of others, even if we are the ones hurting them. that person has every reason to be scared and hurt, and i'd be lying if i said her response wasn't at least somewhat sympathetic, but her pain in this horrible, violent conflict does not invalidate the pain on the other side. jews, throughout this recent crisis, have consistently not talked in depth about the constant losses in palestine -- am i suddenly being callous by focusing on those losses, and not our own? (YOUR PAIN AND THEIRS AREN'T MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE, YOU DOLT! sorry...)

because it all comes down to believing in israel! my mom has always told me about how beautiful it is there, about her time living on a kibbutz... and sure, it might be nice. i can't argue with that. but why is it that our nationalism for israel is so strong, so virulent? i have not seen patriots as loyal for any other country. and when you criticize israel, israelis feel like you're criticizing their entire existence -- and many non-israeli jews do, as well. because zionism has been built so deep into the modern religion! it's made to be a necessary piece! belief in it is the default!

and, from the inside looking in, i can't be surprised that many jews take anti-zionism as being antisemitic -- because, to them, israel and zionism stand as the pinnacle of safety and support for the jewish people. it is impossible to argue with them about anything above that base layer, as the base layer itself serves as a foundation: so long as a jew thinks that israel is right, deserved, and necessary, no proof will sway them into hating israel. it's just impossible, and that's very frustrating.

for me in particular, i find it very frustrating, as this single idea has turned so many people i know to support a genocidal entity. they believe in and support israel, so they stand with it now -- even if they condemn its current actions, they neglect how those actions are just an extension of its inherent existence -- whether they think israel's doing the right thing or wrong thing right now, they don't really care at the end of the day, because israel, to them, is necessary in keeping the jewish people alive. they stand with it, thinking that jews can only stand at all if they do.

but a genocidal crutch is no crutch at all: it only breaks us more. zionist jews make me so mad, and the worst part is that i could never express that to them in a way they'll understand.

#melonposting #anti-zionism #israel #i am so madddd and frustrated and stressed #with the whole camp thing going on my parents will inevitably find out (and soon!) that i'm anti-zionist #and given their age and proximity -- they're so deeply entrenched in zionism that i can't even hope to sway them #it's so sad and scary (i don't want them to be mad at me -- even though that really isn't the important thing here)#but it's also philosophically bizarre... like these people have good principles!#it's just this one tiny stupid thing (believing in israel) that's effectively turned them into bad people!#<- it's weird saying something like that. because i don't think they're bad people. but they're zionist.#part of it is that they're my parents and i love them but also... they're so good otherwise. a single thing went wrong.#(okay well not a single thing but it's generally minute things y'know?)#i don't wanna hate my parents. and i don't want them to hate me. can they please for the love of god stop #(takes every jew i know by the shoulders and shakes them back and forth) PLEAAAASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOPPPPPPP #anyway it's very hard for me to do work because i have this on my mind.#how do i break it to my parents that 1. i won't be working at camp this summer and 2. it's because i hate zionism?#i'm not cut out for situations like these ughhhhh why did i have to post that stupid anti-zionist instagram story in march #i could've just chosen not to take the job on my own accord and have enough time to come up with an excuse for my parents #whatever. too late for that. i dug my grave and now must lie in it #i guess it's character-building?? :')

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steelthroat · 3 months

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I was thinking about the fact that it's very funny that my parents had more problems with me being atheist than with me being queer.

Like:

"Sure hon, you have a weird perception of your gender and you could possibly bring home women, men or everything in-between... fine, love is love we will take you to the pride and stuff ^w^. BUT WHAT ABOUT JESUS CHRIST HUH?????"

And when I say they had 'more problems' I mean they were like "ow... so you won't come to church on Sundays with us anymore? At least the holidays?🥺"

like idk it's so funny to me

#sometimes I gotta acknowledge the fact that I'm lucky #if my catholic parents were bigoted I would have had such a shitty childhood and adolescence #I mean adolescence sucked anyway #but it could have been so much worse with shitty parents #steel rambles #also lol I forget how much having been a religious person influenced me?#like lmao “local tumblr user discovers that going to church for 15 years every sunday influenced them in some way”#but like not in a negative way #just in weird ways #funny ways?#like I read the bible thrice in my life #once because I wanted to know the story in general and the book I had was full of pretty pictures so nice #I've always been curious about religions an myths anyway #the second I was 13 and I was proving a point #yes I read the bible to win an argument #one about lesbians never being demonized or even cited in the bible #the third time I read just the apocalypse because it was cool and I wanted to impress a girl with cool references...#“local tumblr user tried to impress a girl with cool quotes from the apocalypse” you can laugh but I have no regrets #I also “complained” to God a lot lool #like dude if you actually exist I'm so sorry for the 15 years of gossips and complaining you had to endure #like idk for example my teacher was being unfair?#me mentally: “see God? see what I have to put up with??? like I can't belive she said that!!!!”#I treated God like an imaginary friend or something I think? am I being blasphemus??#ahahshjshdhfhg

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recurring-polynya · 2 days

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*raises hand slowly* major fan, love your work! I actually only recently discovered your Bleach works in the last few years and I think I've reread all of them at least 3 times. But after reading your "The Greatest Family in Soul Society" series, I've been wanting to ask: How do you think they reacted/handled the aftermath of events in the Bleach Special One-Shot? Specifically Ichika, who possibly for the first time witnessed one of her parents in legitimate danger?

But anyway, CONGRATS ON 1 MIL!!! YOU DESERVE IT! :)

Thank you very much!! 💕

So for starters, if the Hell Arc every actually becomes a thing, I strongly suspect that this will be get addressed on-screen. Kubo clearly intended both Ichika and Kazui to have prominent (although probably not protagonist-level) roles. If this happens, Rukia and Renji will probably either handle this in some terrible way that causes Ichika to feel like she has to go against them and redeem herself or they'll get, like, trapped in Hell or something and she and Kazui will have to go rescue them. It is incredibly rare to see good relationships between parents and their children portrayed in fiction, and my expectations are on the floor for this one.

I talked to my husband about this for a long time this morning because I couldn't think of a single example of a good parent-child relationship in media where both characters have roughly equal narrative weight, and he couldn't either. Usually, the choices are a) parents dead or out of the picture, b) parents are awful and selfish and learn the error of their ways, or b2) generational trauma, which is the same, but parents bad behavior is excused because their parents did it to them. There is also c) stoic parent with lifelong duty raises stoic child to fulfill the same duty, which is the best of the lot, but it's still not great. It's also not really Renruki's style, especially because they've got Byakuya right there as an example of what being raised like this does to a person.

Maybe Kubo will come up with something interesting, though! I would love to see it if he did!

With all that out of the way, I'll lay out how I think it should go, or how it would go if I were writing it, I guess.

For starters, we are still in a shounen anime. Bleach plays the "young person witnesses an act of violence and is saved" card constantly. As anime goes, I think Bleach actually does a fairly decent job of acknowledging the trauma that goes along with this, but it's also usually deployed as a thing that spurs the "witness" character to want to get stronger. Furthermore, the witness character usually has no sort of support system and receives no comfort after the fact--Kensei saves child-Shuuhei and then calls him a wuss before peacing-out. I doubt Shin'ou had any sort of trauma support group for Renji, Momo, Izuru and Shuuhei after their disaster fieldtrip --in all likelihood, the attitude was more like "wow, you got to see Captain Aizen in action, how lucky for you!" Even in the aftermath of the scene where Renji rescues Jinta and Ururu, Jinta is shown sitting by himself rather than seeking comfort from either of his "parents" (who, granted, are focused on healing Ururu). That one has an added bonus ofJinta-has-always-treated-Renji-extremely-disrespectfully and then Renji saves him and gets gored pretty gruesomely.

In contrast, Rukia and Renji have both been on the "witnessed the trauma" side of this before, and never had adult figures in their life to help them process anything. They lost and buried three friends before they even went to shinigami school. I think they know how much that sucked and how much damage it did to them psychologically and would be pretty sensitive to what Ichika is feeling. It's actually kind of funny because if they hadn't gone through a lot of trauma together, they might just be stoic about it and think that maybe their own kid should just suck it up, but they were definitely able to see how much it affected the other one. Like, part of the reason they even had a kid was to try to make up for the shitty childhood the other one had to go through.

Rukia and Renji probably run a pretty weird household because on one hand, they spent their own childhood taking care of themselves and making their own decisions and living with the consequences. They did a lot of actual crime, like a lot. Trying to tell their kid what to do would feel like a weird overreach to them. On the other hand, they're soldiers, so they are used a formal discipline system where sometimes you get punished because that's how you learn and make up for your mistakes. Overall, though, I think they respect Ichika as a person they are trying to guide to adulthood, much the way you guide a green recruit into becoming a strong officer. Yeah, she shouldn't have snuck along on a mission for lieutenants, and now she knows why. They're probably still going to yell at her and make her sweep the yard or something, but that's she's their kid, and they know that waiving the punishment would make her feel even worse.

Also, while this may be the first time Ichika has witnessed her dad getting stabbed (and it may not be), it's not like this idea is new to her. I'm sure Rukia and Renji have come home with injuries before, or not come home, and she had to go visit them at the Coordinated Relief Station, or possibly had even go stay with Uncle B for a while. (Uncle B, whose own father actually did die in the line of duty and I've read at least one fanfiction where he was there). A thing I like about Rukia and Renji as characters is that they respect each other's decisions about what danger they are willing to walk into. If they err, it's generally on the side of not stopping each other enough, and I think that is both very stupid and very charming of them. It speaks to the overinflated confidence they have in each other, and also I am tired to death of overprotectiveness being spun as romantic, when 90% of the time it's just patronizing or selfish.

I guess to sum up, I'd say I would like to see Ichika come out of this with more respect for the gravity of her parents' job (vs. the 'dad and Ikkaku went to have fun without me no faaaaaiiirrr' attitude she started the one-shot with). It is interesting that she was able to see the Hell-guys when the lieutenants weren't able to. I hope that isn't something that just gets dismissed (and if nothing else, I think this is a case where Kyouraku as Head-Captain would be like "no I want to hear this" where Yamamoto would have been like "I don't listen to children!") I would prefer to see her get included in the action intentionally, where she's nervous about it, but trying to put up a front of bravado (both because she doesn't want anyone to know how much it scared her seeing her dad get stabbed trying to protect her and also because this is peak Young-Rukia-and-Renji behavior). Seeing what her parents are like on the job, realizing they're both extremely cool but also huge doofuses, and slowly gaining real confidence in herself because they show confidence in her would be a pretty refreshing story, imo.

#ichika abarai #no breaths from hell #i answered this b/c the asker was really nice and b/c it hasn't come up in a while so i'm sure some people weren't aware #but i generally do not take asks or requests about ichika #i tried real hard b/c i know people really like her and i wrote those stories in an attempt to make Parent Representation that I didn't hat #but a thing i learned while doing it is that #it's exhausting & unfun for me to have to think about renruki as parents i just want to think about them doing stupid things and making out #and i don't want to come off as a hater but i get SO many asks about her if i don't put my foot down #anyway this post comprises my ichika content for 2024. thank you in advance for your understanding.#i also want to say that i am not *advocating* raising your kid to be a child ghost soldier #rukia and renji are fictional characters in a fantasy warrior setting #i let my kid go skateboard by herself at the school playground we are not the same

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sweetestdumpling · 2 months

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Extend your arm forward, control your breathing, pull back, contain your emotions.

It was simple instructions, ones she used to only think about in the moment, but forget the second her attention was grabbed by something else.

Even with the growing noise around her, she never stopped her movements, keeping her focus and breathing even. That is, until she felt a light tap of a finger on her thigh.

"Excuse me, Jiějiě..." It was the voice of a young girl. Almost immediately, Xiaoyu opened her eyes and got into a standing position before looking down at her with a smile.

"Yes?"

The girl looked nervous, but there was no need for her to be. Xiaoyu gave her time to gather her thoughts, which didn't take very long, before she held her hands out towards her with a shy smile.

"I made you some bracelets! It's a present...as a thank you for everything you've done, a-and helping me."

"For me? Ah, Xièxiè! You're so sweet!" Xiaoyu gently took one of the bracelets, holding it up to the sun. It was stitched together with orange yarn, and what seemed to be glitter sparkling in the sunlight.

"I know it's not...exactly the best and it...might be a little tight since I didn't know your size but I wanted to share something with you..."

The girl shyly looked down, perhaps embarrassed by her stitching, but Xiaoyu easily placed it on her wrist.

"Fits like a glove!"

The girl seemed to beam at that, Xiaoyu quickly grabbing the other one and holding it out for her to place her hand through. Once the girl realized this, she eagerly placed her hand through.

"Hehe, see? We match!"

The girl laughed, something Xiaoyu hasn't heard in a while. It felt good to see her happy again.

"If...If I make you anything else, will you wear it?"

"Of course! I want to see how much your embroidery improves. Before long, you'll be teaching me something!"

"Me? Teaching you?" The girl sounded in disbelief.

"Yep! I was never good with my hands, at least with silk and a needle. It wasn't until Yéyé stepped in did I know what to do with them."

At the mention of him, the girl's mood seemed to dampen. It wasn't her intention but Xiaoyu couldn't blame her for it either. Jinrei knew how to make a name for himself, ever since he was young. Not having his spunk around anymore left an obvious hole, one that Xiaoyu didn't realize she missed until it was already too late.

"I miss him." The young girl's voice interrupted Xiaoyu's thoughts. She gave her a smile, and a gentle pat on the head.

"I do too. But it'll be okay, next time we meet up, I'll teach you a few things about stances while you keep teaching and showing me your sewing skills. Deal?"

"Deal!"

Xiaoyu held her pinky out, the young girl using her own pinky to complete the deal. After a few more exchanges, Xiaoyu waved the girl goodbye, watching her disappear in the distance before sighing.

She sat down on the grass, listening to everything around her this time. The wind, the laughter, the talking, the birds, the whistling.

She was spunky when she was young, childish too, maybe she got it from him. Xiaoyu didn't know anything about his life when he was younger, but she knew he got his wisdom from somewhere. She only learned about his connections to the Mishima family once she was older.

Maybe she would have turned out to be more traditional if he wasn't around, maybe she would have eventually gotten better with her sewing skills like her parents initially wanted.

Xiaoyu was loud, rambunctious, maybe even a troublemaker compared to her more relaxed parents. They didn't know what to do with her, so eventually, he would suggest her to put all that energy into fighting.

It was thanks to him that they changed their minds.

"I'm still learning, Yéyé. I've gotten better but...I still have a lot to learn. I won't let you down, I promise."

Her phone soon began to vibrate, the young girl glancing down to see a message from her father. She quickly took hold of it, seeing the time, and immediately letting out a yell.

"Ah, I'm late! They're gonna kill me!"

Metaphorically of course. Xiaoyu quickly gathered up her things, haphazardly placing her jacket into the bag as she stood to her feet, running off and away from the park. Eyes watched her curiously but she paid them no mind as she answered her phone.

"Yes, Bàba? No, I didn't oversleep, it's still..." She checked her watch. "...well, not morning anymore but it's not late! It's only after 12! I'm on my way right now! I'll pick up some jianbing on the way! Tell Māmā not to start without me!"

Maybe there were still quite a few things she needed to get better with.

#{ Testing out my writing skills kdgkf lets see if I still got it #wanted to write something about Xiao being in China visiting her parents or something. I don't know what part of China she'd be #from just yet but this is me just kind of rambling; it may or may not stick. I find myself actually reading a lot about #Chinese culture and stuff just in general even if its fictional stories; honestly just read a book about #a real life Chinese medical doctor back in the 1500s and its super interesting; ANYWAY THAT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS #if anyone reads it I hope it's enjoyable in its own way at least ^^#once again thanks as always for the patience~ Hope you're all doing great }

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professionallydeadinside · 1 year

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I finished The Final Descent.

#SPOILERS IN THE TAGS SPOILERS IN THE TAGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------#okay just in general the way it's written?? how its all fragmented and repeats stuff???? so fucking into it #ALSO THIS OTHER CHARACTER. THE READER. HOW WILL HENRY FINALLY HAS SOMEONE BECAUSE THE READER GOT HIS STORIES.#when will sees whats in the basement and he carries pellinore and kisses his forehead and pellinore repeats that will is indispensable #SCREAMING. SOBBING.#SEEING HOW WILL IS JUST SO FUCKING CHANGED BECAUSE OF WARTHROP?? JUST SO IRREVERSIBLY CHANGED???#he hates warthrop. he loves him. he wants him dead. he does everything he can to make sure he survives. he's grateful for him.#he needs to kill him. he doesn't know anything about him. they know everything about eachother.#nothing ruins my night more then thinking about will. traumatized little boy who gets stuck with a traumatized man who knows exactly what h #e's going through but can't fucking verbalize it in a way that's beneficial #WARTHROP RUINING WILL BECAUSE HE THINKS HE'S DOING SOMETHING GOOD!!!! HE THINKS HE'S TOUGHENING UP WILL!!!!!!!!!!!#WILL CRYING AFTER HIS PARENTS DIED AND REALIZING THE MORE HE DID THE HARSHER WARTHROP WAS TO HIM. im crying #anyway. i swear im normal.#my post #the monstrumologist

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aqqleshiqqing-archive · 6 months

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I swear I think I said this somewhere but I'll say it again lmao i think the highlight of my selfshipping self this year was that i really did come to adore my familials and how fun it is to come up with ideas for them. they're a special brand of being comfort character and it's honestly because of me reading pok.espe that made me come to appreciate family bonds

this is corny as hell sorry

#if you think about it. my romantics hasnt changed one bit but my familial list kept piling up this year its so silly but cute #its probably because im riding high on the pokepasta perdition hype in general that's still keeping my brain active for coming up with #rhys and carmine lore. but i don't want to make too much since i feel like there's still room for me to know what happened to carmine #idk but still i just think hes neat :]]]#i like to think this shit started when i saw the swsh camping video with togepi and awakened the inner mom mode in me i never knew i had #~ rambling #and also because of how nero and bee are just as passionate as me about the silly dexholder kids with so much character development hehe #pokespe is just such a great story and you can add so much more ideas and it makes it all the more better #like the whole “jaide and steven are ruby's biological parents” feels just right idk KSKSKAJSJA

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sunshineandviolets · 2 years

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i get that its the 'main storyline' but i genuinely do not care about ricky/gina/ej situation.

storylines i rather they focus more on instead:

Kourtney & her being the actual lead of the musical and dealing with anxiety.

Ashlynn and her queer realisation arc

Jett & Maddox reconciling- esp knowing more about the whole implication that he accidently outed her relationship with Maddison to their parents???

#hsmtmts #high school musical the musical the series #like pls - strained sibling arcs are my shit #and i want them to get better dammit!!#also 'right place' is the best song on season 3 #literally no other song can top it #also i wanna know more about if Maddox was actually out to her parents or not when the relationship was revealed??#i just wanna know more about Maddox n Jett story in general - cause they are by far the most interesting characters this season #no but fr - how did they give Kourt the role of Elsa and still end up giving her like minimal screentime?#like she has her moments here and there #but defo not as much as the others

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a-third-attempt · 1 year

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iv,

My grandmother Janet is 96 years old. The last time I visited, while drinking the traditional after-dinner gin and tonics, we got to talking about the treasures lying around her house. Somehow we settled on a particular needlepoint hanging on the wall.

She asked: Who made that one, does it say?

And I said: It says "Deedee".

And she laughed: I didn't remember making that one!

My brain wasn't working as fast as my tongue that night— perhaps on account of the gin— and I said: Wait, who is Deedee?

She laughed again, and explained. It was what her parents called her, and the name that she used until she went to high school. All her best friends, everyone who knew her from back in the day, they still call her Deedee.

And then she said to me: You know, Janet is not my real name either. Nobody calls me by my real name, because nobody alive remembers it. And I'm not telling anyone now. It is just for me.

iii,

I was studying abroad in Budapest when I received a facebook message from Rob. A friend, not quite 21, from college back home, saying: I have a secret to tell you, but I do not want anyone else to know. I don't even want to write it here.

I replied, Here is my address. Write it down and mail it to me. I will read it, and then I will burn it; and he agreed.

I left the house, went all the way to the end of the metro, found a convenience store, bought a pack of matches, and sat down in the nearby park.

The three sentences at the start of the letter were: I am transgender. I am a man. My name is not [what we once called him], it is Rob.

This much is no longer a secret, but the three pages that followed are not my stories to tell.

(Have you ever tried to burn a letter? With a match. It is harder than you’d think.)

It is common now for a trans person to refer to their "old" name, the one assigned to them that they no longer use, as their deadname. Rob did not use this language in the letter, probably only because he did not know it yet.

Some of the debris from the letter made it into a trash can. But most blew away into the Hungarian landscape, white flecks scattered in the wind.

ii,

I set my father into the ground in October. He would have been 71.

It was a whirlwind of a weekend, of a week, really. Gatherings every night, friends and family buzzing in the house all day, as if the collective strength of so many silent prayers might summon him, Christ-like, into our midst.

Flying was my dad's first love. I was born near the end of his distinguished career as a fighter pilot in the Air Force. He continued flying, commercially, for as long as I lived under his roof.

A fighter's call sign is what the other fighters call them over the radio when flying together. Pragmatically it is a mask for when enemies intercept communication. But to the squadron, there is nothing secret about this identity; it is more a name than their name is. My dad's call sign is— was— Bear. At the memorial gathering, that was the name that rang long after sundown, that echoed in the still desert air.

Bear was rowdy, gregarious, and virile. Stories about his after-work antics sprang readily to the lips of the guests. Boozy, shirtless memories of he and his fighter friends, boys who aged but never grew up. And then, after the laughs and a moment's pause, they would add sincere praise about Bear the professional. Thoughtful. Whip-smart. Straightforward. Generous. Passionate.

This man they described was familiar enough, but deeply unrecognizable. He bore little resemblance to the temperamental and stern authority of my childhood memories. Even less to the man I knew on equal footing, after several medical emergencies brought an early and unceremonious end to a lifetime in the cockpit.

I would have liked Bear, I think, but I never met him— I knew him too late.

There are many stories to tell of my father, the man-who-was-not-Bear. I never know which one to start with.

I once asked my mom if I could paint my nails red. I don't remember my mother wearing colored nail polish, it must have been a neighbor who I saw, and the idea enchanted me. And yet somehow, there was the bottle, right underneath the phone. It would have been so easy. But mom said no, dad would be furious. And we both knew that was the end of that.

I liked my hair long. My parents did not. They tolerated it, in the way that one tolerates such inconsequential teenage lashings-out. But the frequency of snide remarks would increase in proportion with its length, and roughly every 6 months I would give in.

(When I was older, I discovered that my hair actually would not get much longer than that. After about 9 months, I shed.)

And if I could see you, I would see these stories fall lighter on your brow than on they lay on my psyche. And I would be suddenly tempted to strike cheap, to scowl forty-five and let sympathy roll in. But it’s too… it’s dehumanizing, and it’s not even narratively right— it doesn’t describe the heft of the uncertainty he left me with, any more than a dumbbell thrown at your face conveys the weight of a blanket.

The household I grew up in was reductivist when not mechanistic, and my childhood gave but scant framework to understand the impact of a thousand unremarkable moments. Still, human, I could not divert myself from the creation of my personal mythology, grasping at any explanation for those forces of parental nature. Nor from this private, shameful conclusion: that this love is, perhaps, conditional. Not necessarily. But the threat was there, and I, conflict-shy, colored inside the lines.

Dharys was 29 when my father died. Or maybe he was 2. (...let's not think too hard about that one.) In any case, my father never met Dharys, and for this alone I still grieve. In the dark I wonder if he ever had these feelings about Bear— this bridgeless chasm between us, etched in time. The quiet, tugging sadness that I would never know him as he was.

Perhaps he never could have, I reason, hopefully. Tieflings learn young, after all, how to hide. Perhaps Dharys can only live because not-Bear has died.

Or perhaps he knew me too early.

* * *

A/N: The picture in this post was drawn by @parziivale; I'll be posting about it separately.

#anniversary #reflection #death #names #parents #trans #fiction #pen pals #parziivale #guttertongue #all my love #2022 #3y #i struggled mightily coming up with a name for this piece #which is so weird to me considering it is clearly Four Thoughts On Names #An Etude On Names?#(aeon; emphasizing the generational theme?)#i don't know i think the stories say something somewhat complex about names but i don't really want the title to give this away #like i think that in the context of this being a tumblr post it's easy to misread iv and overinterpret iii #and although ii is supposed to dissuade you from this reading i think this misdirection is helpful for i?#and making the title so clearly say 'these are Different Thoughts About Names' kills this opportunity #anyway if you want to talk about it tell me what you would have named it i guess XD XD

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