#but it's not that hard to understand why he didn't try harder to find Dean

[2sw]

You got to wake up. because if you don't, then trying to keep that dream alive will destroy you! It'll destroy everything!

Supernatural S8E08 Hunteri Heroici ( + S8E06 Southern Comfort )

#sam winchester #spn 8x08 #spn 8x06 #s8 #gifs #I wish they had actually shown how Sam dealt with his grief after s7 #but it's not that hard to understand why he didn't try harder to find Dean #It was just too much for him. He was left all alone in the world #Bobby was already dead at that point #Dean and Cas disappeared before his eyes (he probably thought they were dead. certainly didn't know they were in purgatory) #and the king of hell took Kevin #Isn't it obvious why he was running from all of it and trying to hold on to something? it was too much for anyone to go through alone #I'm saying it wasn't the best thing to do but totally understandable #(and what's so criminal about trying to make his life less miserable anyway??) #the sad thing is almost every choice he made while running from the burden of reality turned into messes #He had to leave the woman he loves and now his brother trusts a vampire over him #All of that piled up and weighed down on him #It made him question his self-worth #And that insecurity led him to the church in the season finale (not to mention the whole “I'm not clean” thing) #and even after s8... oh I can't do this rn. I'm sad again

[miss0atae]

Random thoughts about Pit Babe the series ep 10:

I was really waiting for this episode and I knew it would be filled with sadness and sorrow.

▪️Babe had a fight with Charlie before the race because his boyfriend was concerned about him. Babe thought Charlie didn't trust him and said some hard words to him. He was angry at him and it was their last conversation before the accident. Obviously, Babe was heartbroken. No one would want an argument to be the last conversation you have with anyone, even more when it is your lover. Babe really suffered in this episode. I said it before but I think Pavel really knows how to cry. He is a pretty crier. You do believe in his sadness and terrible loss just by looking at him. Of course, the sorrow was followed by anger and a will to get revenge. I feel sad for Babe because he lost his best friend, his father abandoned him, Tony took advantage of him and he had to lose the only person he ever loved and felt safe with. It was hard to watch him be utterly distraught.

▪️In the middle of all this drama, Jeff made a move on Alan because he has to wait until he decides to do it, he would have to wait an eternity. That kiss on the cheek was cute but I was expecting more! Alan is supposed to be in his thirties but he flirts like he is a pre-schooler. Jeff must really like him because I would have given up. He has been flirting a lot and Alan always seems to have this surprised Pikachu face when he finally understands what is going on. I wish they made their romance start earlier because we still have to wait until next week to get a proper kiss. At least, they are living in the same place. Proximity is the key to making the romance bloom.

▪️Kim finally was out of Tony's clutches. I hope it is because Kenta helped him get to Jeff but we never got confirmation. To be honest, I was surprised when Jeff brought him to Alan's house to protect him. It felt like they made some cuts in the episode and the rescue of Kim wasn't brought smoothly enough into the story. I don't know...

▪️Tony was again very abusing towards Kenta. It is getting harder and harder to see. This kind of constant abuse must be really hard to deal mentally. I wish we got more backstory or explanation about Kenta. I feel bad for him.

▪️Way was trying to drink his sorrow at the bar and was used as an emotional punching ball by Babe, when he tried to act on his revenge plan to get to Tony through the only person he knew worked with him. Way denied any involvement in Charlie's accident. I didn't think we would see him that soon after what he did to Babe. I don't know how they will bring him again into the plot. Will he try to redeem himself by helping the X-Hunter fam when they go after Tony?

▪️Finally, we had confirmation that Dean was working against X-Hunter. He was sus since last episode. He may not be entirely responsible for Charlie's death but what he did was really shitty. He has an ego, he is pretty jealous and can't accept that he may not be as good as he thinks he is. Also, he did try to hurt Babe and was giving some stupid excuses for his behaviors. If you wanted to be outside you could just get out and find another team. Why are you trying to sabotage your previous team just because they never gave you what you wanted?! He was whining and it was annoying to hear because we never saw him try to do anything except complaining.

▪️Of course, we all know that Charlie is not really dead. The trailer gave us the clue, so it's not exactly something ground breaking. It was part of his plan, he talked about with Jeff in the last episode. Now, Babe has his power back and will collaborate with Pete to bring down Tony. Charlie will probably just save Babe's life again because he only thinks about protecting his lover.

Anyway, I still like this series and will be ready for episode 11, next Friday. Let's hope it won't have the curse of episode 11 because Babe has already suffered enough.

#my thoughts #thai series #thai bl #bl drama #bl series #pit babe spoilers #random thoughts #Poor Babe is always suffering #We got some Alan x Jeff action but not enough for my taste #Kim is alive and well! Yeah! #Dean can go away because I never liked him too #Way stop drinking and find a good therapist #Can someone save Kenta now? #Charlie maybe you could have said something to Babe to avoid him suffering alone #I love you Jeff but I feel you also could have said something #I'm sure they didn't even think about what it would do to Babe's mental health #Pit Babe the series spoilers #pit babe the series #charlie x babe

[v3nusxsky]

Heyyy!! I hope you're well when you see this. Could you do another reader age regression fic with lady lesso but reader doesnt really understand how age regression works until she has a really bad slip one day and doesnt know whats happening so lesso has to like help her through it and help her understand? And if you could incorporate squishmallows and the tv show Bluey somehow that would be literally amazing but if not thats completely ok! Thank you so much for sharing your writing with us!! <333

My lovely anons this is a note for you all. I truly enjoy hearing from you and love sharing my work with you all <3

Anyone but her

*Authors note~ this is such a calming thing for me to write. Lesso would be such a cute momma and I'm going to draw from my own experiences*

Trigger warning~ agere little r, cg lesso, confused r first time regressing, scared anxiety etc

Prompt~see ask^^^^

Truthfully you'd been feeling strange for days. Not quite sure why you continued to push it down and carry on. It was your little secret that you loved stuffed animals and your new recent obsession was squishmallows. Collecting the different types and characters had become some what of an obsession. To you there was nothing wrong with that, after all they were just adorable right? It meant nothing. I mean you'd heard of age regression, but it wasn't something you ever considered for you or even really understood. It was hard for you to even comprehend that you maybe even experiencing it.

Today, you'd woken up feeling stranger than before. Truthfully you were confused you didn't quite feel like you but you didn't feel any different. You'd woken up with your thumb in your mouth, extremely unusual for you. You wouldn't put your blanket down and you were snuggled into your favourite panda squishmallow. This was most definitely not normal for you. Yet you didn't seem able to focus on anything and your brain seemed to be hazy. What was happening? Before you knew it you started to cry.

You not showing up to your classes raised concern with Lady Lesso, she'd been watching you for the past few days, noticing some signs that maybe your be regressing but you seemed to be utterly oblivious to that. Perhaps you didn't feel safe enough to tell her or maybe you didn't even know? Either way, she wanted to know if you were okay. That's why she decided to come and look for you.

She made her way to your dorm and let herself in after you didn't answer her knock. What met her was truly heartbreaking. You were sat in the corner of your room clutching at your panda and blanket sobbing uncontrollably. You looked so small and innocent it was truly heartbreaking. "Y/n?" She murmured and you seemed to be too far gone her voice only making you sob so much harder. "Little one?" She whispered gently coming to sit in front of you. You blinked rapidly trying to clear your eyes from the tears and mumbled "mmm scwrd no no wha haps to mez momma" you gasped at the end. Why had you just called your dean "momma?"

"It's okay little dove you're okay, you're just feeling very small darling, that's okay. Momma is here love" she reassured you not wanting to bother making a deal about you calling her momma. After all you were a little one and you didn't even realise you had done it. "Shall we find you something to watch love? And who is this handsome fella?" She murmured to you coming to wipe the falling tears with the pads of her thumbs. You nodded and whimpered "momma dis koa he mys bwestest frwen" your little smile at the end warmed her heart. "I kays says you momma?" You asked tilting your head in curiosity.

Your pure innocence was truly adorable and she couldn't help but reassure you that it was okay to call her as you saw fit, she would care for you and explain this all to you when you were feeling bigger. That is how you ended up snuggled up on your bed with your head on her chest watching bluey. You felt safe here in her hold and she was constantly reassuring you that it was all okay. She wasn't leaving and you'd always have her.

Word count ~ 715

#fanfic #lady lesso #sfgae #leonora lesso #lady lesso x reader #lesso x reader #lady lesso x you #lady leonora lesso #cg lesso #leonora lesso x reader #anon request

[spnluver]

The Ballad of a Winchester pt. 2

Summary: Dean catches his sister watching war videos, and asks why she’s doing it. She tells him the similarities she sees with him and the soldiers, and asks why he doesn’t expect the same from her.

A/N: I do not own Supernatural or any characters apart from Y/N Winchester, who is a character insert as Sam and Dean's younger sister. If any scenes seem new or unfamiliar, they are to fit her storyline. Also, in this universe, they stayed in the Kansas house, but still go to motels on out-of-state hunts.

Dean: 28, Y/N: 14

If there was one thing that Dean didn’t like bout his sister, it was that she was too smart for her own good. Often times, she would make connections that were far too mature for her age. This trait of hers was once again on display as Dean walked in to find her watching war documentaries. "Y/N, what are you doing?" he asked, his eyebrows furrowing in concern.

She closed her laptop quickly, her face flushing red. “Homework,” she said.

“And that’s why you look guilty?” He asked questioningly, folding his arms over his chest and leaning against her doorway.

Y/N sighed, knowing she couldn’t keep anything from him. “Well, we are learning about World War Two in history this unit. And the teacher did show pictures and videos on the slides.”

Dean nodded, understanding her explanation but still feeling a sense of unease. "Y/N, you know you don't have to watch those videos, right? They can be pretty intense," he said, his voice filled with concern. He didn't want his little sister to be exposed to such harsh realities, not when he's been trying so hard to give her a normal life.

“It’s not during the wars,” She said honestly. Dean made his way to sit over at the edge of her bed, his eyes strict. “It’s just training.”

"Even so, those videos can be tough to watch," Dean pointed out, his concern evident in his tone. “Talk to me.”

Y/N sighed, turning to face him. “You never tell me anything,” she said choosing her words carefully. “I just... I see the similarities, Dean," Y/N admitted, her eyes meeting his. "How they're trained, how they're expected to fight... It's not much different from what we do. And I just... I want to understand why you don't want the same for me. Even your room is like a barracks," Y/N continued, her voice soft but determined. "You've always been a soldier, Dean. And I'm just trying to understand why you've fought so hard to keep me from being one too."

Dean, taken aback by her words, sighed heavily. "Y/N, being a soldier... it's not a choice I would ever want for you," he admitted, his voice filled with a mix of regret and protectiveness. "You deserve a chance at a normal life, something I never had. And I'll do everything in my power to make sure you get that chance."

“And when you talk to Dad, you always address him as 'Sir'. It's just... it all feels military-like. And not that I want to, but why don’t you make me call you that?” she asked. Now that she had Dean’s permission, all the questions she’s ever had poured out.

"Because I'm your brother, not your commanding officer," Dean responded, his tone gentle. "I don't want our relationship to be built on the same rigid structure that Dad enforced. You're my sister, Y/N, not a soldier under my command. I want you to feel comfortable with me, to see me as someone you can turn to, not just someone who gives orders. That's why I've always insisted that you call me Dean, not 'Sir'." Dean's words were filled with sincerity, a testament to his unwavering dedication to protect Y/N's innocence, despite the harsh realities of their world.

“But why does Dad expect it from you? He’s always harsher with you and Dad disowned me,” she said matter-of-factly.

"That's because Dad sees me as his soldier, as someone who's supposed to follow his orders without question," Dean explained, his voice filled with a mix of resentment and resignation. "He's always been harder on me because he expects more from me, expects me to be a certain way. But I don't want that for you, Y/N. I want you to have the freedom to be who you want to be, not what someone else expects you to be. Yes I’m strict with you. But I do it because I care about you. I want you to be safe, to have a chance at a life outside of this. I don't want you to be forced into a life of danger and uncertainty, like I was. I want you to know that you always have a choice, Y/N. And whatever you choose, I'll always be here to support you. Just keep it in the legal sphere of life.”

Y/N let out a small laugh with her brother’s attempt to lighten the mood. “I understand. Thank you,” she said.

With that, Dean smiled at his sister, his heart filled with a strange mix of pride and sadness. "Anytime, kiddo," he replied, ruffling her hair lightly. He then looked at her strictly. “Just promise me no more of this investigation crap okay?”

Y/N nodded, understanding the seriousness of his tone. "Okay, Dean. I promise," she responded, offering him a small smile. This marked a turning point in their relationship, a new understanding and respect for each other's roles and boundaries. Dean cupped her cheek gently, gave her a small, proud smile, and left her room, closing the door.

Y/N, left alone with her thoughts, couldn't help but feel a mix of relief and confusion. She was relieved that Dean cared for her, wanting to protect her from their harsh realities. But, she was also confused, grappling with the stark differences between her brother and father's expectations. She turned her attention back to her homework, her mind filled with a newfound understanding of her family's dynamics.

Later that evening, Dean came to tuck in his sister, knocking lightly on her door before entering. "Hey kiddo, time to turn in," he said, his voice soft and comforting. He checked under her bed and in her closet for monsters, a nightly ritual that always managed to bring a smile to Y/N's face, before tucking her in.

“Dean, I’m sorry I was snooping,” she said quietly. “I just wanted to know why you did those stuff.”

"It's okay, Y/N," Dean reassured her, his voice gentle. "I know you were just trying to understand. But remember, you can always come to me with your questions. I don’t want you to be exposed to things that could traumatize you.”

"Thank you, Dean," Y/N responded, her voice barely above a whisper. As Dean kissed her forehead and wished her goodnight, she felt a sense of warmth and security wash over her, a stark contrast to the harsh realities she had been grappling with. As she drifted off to sleep, she knew she was safe, protected by the unwavering love and dedication of her big brother.

Dean went back to his own room, he knew she was right. He looked around, knowing his room did indeed resemble a barracks. A single bed, a small dresser, his clothes neatly folded and arranged, his hunting gear stowed away in a trunk at the foot of the bed - it was all starkly utilitarian, a far cry from the warmth and comfort he tried to provide in Y/N's room. Even the day she was born, his mother made comments about his walls and bed, something Dean had dismissed at the time. Now, as he looked around, he couldn't help but understand what she meant. His room was a reflection of the life he had been forced into, a life he would do anything to protect Y/N from. He looked at the singular photo of his mother, one that looked like it came from the wallet of a man at war. There wasn’t even a frame. He sighed, placing it back on his nightstand, and went to sleep himself.

#dean winchester #sam and dean #sam winchester #supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #winchester sister #y/n reader #supernatural angst #john winchester hate club

[septembersghost]

Idk how to explain this in a way that makes sense but I really find it so sweet how you love and defend Sam even if I’ve turned quite bitter towards his character. It’s comforting.

this is so consoling to me and nice to hear, thank you. 💗 it's important to me if it's a comfort to you, because that's the purpose of why I've been doing it for myself too.

I have...much, much longer thoughts on this (as if this isn't going to turn out long enough), but in the immediate aftermath of the finale, and the wake of the devastating wound of it, I felt nothing but rancor and bitterness bordering on irrational hatred towards Sam. for standing there and doing nothing. for abandoning everyone. for living a life he didn't even want, that didn't even fit him. I just...had this impulse of wanting to scream in his face, to be honest. he felt like a stranger, a robot. it didn't take long, though, for me to re-contextualize that and realize how tragic and appalling the ending was for him too, how horrifically empty and unfair. resentment towards Sam was doing nothing but hurting me even more, and I had to pick my way through the ruins of it, come to understand that it wasn't Sam's fault, it was the writing, pretending as though that was a satisfying answer, as if that was an appropriate conclusion. it wasn't, for either of them, and the full realization of that led me back to the Sam I knew and had been separated from for a while, due to both the damaging writing of the show itself and fandom.

I think it helped that I'd been re-watching the early seasons at the time, I was only in S3 in November, and I love S3, I love S3!Sam (I love Kripke era Sam generally, in all his flaws and flinty anger, all his struggles with his darkness and his destiny. both of the boys are so strikingly HUMAN and realized and felt in that era). and I watched him trying so hard to figure out a way to save his brother, grasping desperately at straws to the point where he was willing to condemn them both to becoming monsters if it meant saving him, and I ached for the failure he got left with. Dean's arc is a meaningless, agonizing tragedy, but Sam's is a hollow, ugly defeat, and neither is fair. as my friend Cassie just said to me as I was writing this, "[Sam's] fate wasn’t any better. The narrative completely steamrolled him too. It wasn’t tragic in the same way Dean’s was but his story ended up in the same useless place." the more I had to sit with that, the worse it gnawed at me, and I realized that I REFUSE to allow their worth to be taken away.

I fell in love with these boys in 2005, and while my heart and soul are all wrapped up in Dean, that simply wouldn't be true without Sam, because of how they shared and shaped that journey as a team, how their bond informed the story, how their contrasts and edges were essential to its foundation. the profound love they share for one another, which is essential. which dabb era honestly didn't understand, and never allowed to flourish or experience catharsis like they should have.

I've talked about this before, but beginning in parts of carver era and then fracturing into dabb's, the writers stripped Sam of his character. they sanded down everything about him, blunted him - his wit and humor, his vivacity, his raw fury, his hubris, his ruthlessness. we get a revival of him in parts of S10 and S11, but after that, he's harder to see. they tried to feign that he's well-adjusted (lol) or somehow triumphed over his accumulated trauma (where?), but we never saw any of this. if anything, we had evidence for the opposite - Sam being so burdened by it that he became more and more mired in a depression that flattened him, something he SAID in S15 itself. he mentioned still grieving for Jess, and the biggest part of that was guilt. they told us he'd never gotten over the losses they'd experienced, and then tried to pretend he wouldn't be permanently destroyed by losing Dean, the one person he truly allowed in and who could fully know him, the person he relied on most and always wanted to save? that it wouldn't be an unrecoverable grief? the sun was blotted out and we're supposed to believe the world kept turning for him.

also the whole thing with blurry wife and replacement goldfish son doesn't work. blurry wife is nothing, it's the most misogynistic thing this show ever did because she has no purpose, no name, no face, except to be a walking womb to perpetuate a lineage that Sam didn't even ever express a desire of wanting to pass on (and, at times, voiced the opposite, and said they were cursed). the kid is an ineffectual replacement for someone whose void can never, ever be filled. (tbh I just don't buy Sam wanting to be a father at all, and if Sam had that child to "honor" Dean, that's a terrible reason to have a child.) Sam is condemned to the same cycle of trauma perpetuated by his upbringing, just without (maybe) the hunting. Sam does what John did in placing a child into the mantle and hole of a lost loved one that can never be met. it's cruel.

additionally not a secret, I LOATHE how a significant part of fandom characterizes Sam. the Winchesters are such richly drawn characters and complement and contrast each other intentionally. for some incomprehensible reason, a huge part of fandom infantalizes him, copy/pastes traits over him, victimizes him, and reduces him to this wobbly, helpless softboi babygirl who can't stand up for himself and has no agency (and is afraid of Dean...absurd). I have never once in my life seen that man. I don't know who that man is. spine of steel Sam? relentless, determined Sam? Sam fucking Winchester? Sam is a freak (affectionate). Sam never had to be told that he deserved to voice his opinions or that he deserved to carve out his identity and choose his life, he knew that from before the pilot. Sam who is aggressive and sharply intelligent and nearly compulsive about lore, Sam who asserts himself and his plans, Sam who loves his brother in a huge way, a way that sometimes takes on shades of obsession and jealousy, a way that makes him try to break open the gates of hell, that has him demanding to trade places with him, that makes him let out the Darkness. I'm not saying he's not a victim of trauma and abuse (he is, from John to the Cage, etc), or that he doesn't experience self-loathing/doubt, because he certainly does. it is very, very different from how Dean experiences it. Sam's issues with suicidality in S8 particularly are very, very different from Dean's issues with suicidality through the entire show (and the reasons for their unending recurrence). Sam takes on the Trials in S8 because Dean sees them as a suicide mission, and Sam WANTS TO LIVE, and then as they break him down and convince him he's impure and needs purification and should die for it, Dean pulls him back from the ledge, and for this, Dean is vilified. fandom makes no sense to me. people like to say he had to be free of Dean to live, which is absolutely not true - Dean was always willing to let him leave, or even to leave him (often with accompanying self-blame), he did not keep him hostage or demand Sam be shackled to him. Sam made the choice to stay every time. Sam chose his brother. Sam was willing to die together ("we'll do that together too"), and Sam embraced their life more and more as long as they were together ("I don't want to do it without my brother"). Sam wanted to prove to Dean that it was worth it to survive ("I want to slam hell shut, too, okay? But I want to survive it. I want to live, and so should you. You have friends up here, family. I mean, hell, you even got your own room now. You were right, okay? I see light at the end of this tunnel. And I'm sorry you don't – I am. But it's there. And if you come with me, I can take you to it."), and Sam WANTED DEAN TO LIVE ("Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life."). down to the wire, near the very end of the story, Sam stood in front of Dean as Dean frayed at every edge, as Dean essentially had a (VERY UNDERSTANDABLE) mental breakdown in front of him, and he said, "My entire life, you've protected me - from Dad, from Lucifer, from everything. I didn't always like it, you know, but it's the one thing in the whole world that I could always count on. It's the only thing I've ever known that was true...we'll figure it out, Dean, we'll find another way, you and me. We always do." Sam's who he is because he had Dean, because Dean's empathy and love shaped him, because Dean's sacrifices and vulnerability allowed him to be selfish (and saying "selfish" isn't an insult, Sam was able to claim desires in many ways, that isn't inherently bad) and proud and to forge his path. one of Sam's BIGGEST THEMES was that he kept faith. and they just. robbed him of everything.

they set up these potentially really great arcs with Sam embracing his legacy as a leader and uniting the hunter life with the Men of Letters history, something which was affirming for him, which WAS a victory over the damage of their childhoods, which was turning hunting into something more, a community, and they dropped it. they set up Sam's closeness to Rowena and her teaching him various spellwork and empowering him, leaving him with her CENTURIES WORTH OF MAGIC AND KNOWLEDGE, something he could have used to finally rescue his brother (something he never once achieved, he never got to save him back), and they dropped it. it's insane, because if you want to tell a story about someone who was unfairly "tainted" with powers he never asked for as an innocent BABY, something that sunk claws into his life and caused him to grapple with his value, to question his goodness and his identity, a way to overcome that would be to grant him powers entirely separate from Azazel, who decimated his family, from the demon blood which hurt him in its dark addiction. it's a show literally called Supernatural and they ended it with NO SUPERNATURAL THEMES LMAO. they set up the idea of them retiring from hunting altogether, thinking about a life apart from that, showed them both wanting it for each other and together, and they dropped it. Dean gets impaled on a random, conveniently placed piece of rebar by a vampire who has no name, no face, not even a voice (the metaphor of that is unbelievably gross in how it ripples to Dean, and it's also...blurry wife and masked vampire #3 are the same black holes of non-character?!), and Sam idly is forced into doing nothing and then stuck in beige suburbia, something he once classified as a kind of nightmare ("I totally lied. That kid's life sucked ass. All that apple-pie, family crap? It's stressful. Trust me – we didn't miss a damn thing"). they forced him to stand silent as Dean died and said his life was worthless and built Sam up, and didn't let Sam correct him or tell him how much he loved him too. I cannot express the RAGE I feel about what this story did to Sam.

certain people like to say he "broke the codependency," and then got his "happy ending/reward" in heaven, please miss me with how fucking insulting that is. death breaks nothing, it is an absence that solidifies that forever. furthermore, Sam had absolutely no idea that heaven would even be there, that he would even see Dean again, and there are multiple canonical reasons to assume he thought he wouldn't. it's awful. Sam and Dean always, always knew that heaven wasn't the point. heaven was established as a vaguely threatening place, memorex but nothing real, because the purpose of the story was fighting and helping people and holding on with both hands to LIVE. five minutes and throwaway lines about heaven being "fixed" (with it feeling eerily desolate and melancholy) does nothing for me. them reuniting after DECADES APART does nothing for me. heaven was never the point. and maybe some of this is my nature in not finding a concept of the afterlife particularly inspiring, but they were supposed to have freedom, they were supposed to live and thrive as a part of their world, after all they endured and suffered, to be able to overcome and find their places and shine like we knew they could.

there's also the story where they COULD have had the "tragic" ending, the blaze of glory where they fearlessly saved the world and died together, and that still could have had meaning. I've discussed this endlessly with friends and have probably posted about it before, but there's a version of that which works poignantly, where they leave the strength of their legacies behind, make the world they inhabited a better place, are remembered, celebrated, become enfolded into the lore. the Winchester gospels redefined and passed on. they didn't get that either, though. they got...more of the same and then this odd pointlessness sold as, idk, "bittersweet." I just. ugh. reject it.

so, unending grief and agony for Dean was joined with this sense of burning fury and injustice over Sam. over the boy with the demon blood who felt kinship for monsters because he was afraid he was one of them, who could express kindness honestly but also utilize it as a tool, who was fierce and arrogant and fought back. they forced Sam to fail. they forced him to lose everything, everyone. Sam's this fascinatingly insular person, who guards himself and keeps on restraints, which makes the moments of him being unrestrained that much more feral and affecting. Sam deserved to succeed in the life he'd run from, because he understood his place and found belonging there after all. Sam deserved to have his brother, whole and beloved and finding his way, because Sam would have been so proud to watch Dean as he recovered and grabbed hold of his agency. Dean deserved to persevere, whole and cherished.

what it led me to was...defense and reclamation. I can't stand what the show did to him, to them. I can't abide the way fandom makes him a delicate lamb instead of the strong, passionate, determined man he was. I can't handle the people who hate Dean with such vitriol that they classify him as an abuser when he gave everything he ever had to others, especially to his brother, and then died putting himself down in his last breaths. Dean who fought for the whole world for love, and Sam who saw that at every step.

I fell in love with a story about two beautiful, glimmering lost boys moving through their world of shadows and sharp fangs and gothic horrors, blazing on its margins, claiming open roads and fighting for the innocent, and for one another. a story that had love so firmly, loudly beating at its heart that we got all these beautiful instances of its resonance, its danger and its transcendence. that told us nothing ever really ends, and that free will is paramount, and that we make our decisions and are brave in defiance. that love is a radical, holy act, bigger than manipulations of any heaven, any hell. Sam and Dean represented every facet of that, dark and light, knife's edge and hearth of home. that's what this story was, and it MATTERED. I can't and won't let it be taken away, or reduced to some flimsy facsimile of itself. I won't let THEM be crushed and whittled away into unremarkable paper cutouts of themselves. they meant too much to me for so long, and gave so much to my life, and I'm grateful for that. they've always been my boys. they always will be.

Sam and I argue and we lost our way for a little while because I very admittedly love his brother overpoweringly, but loving his brother is actually PART of loving him. Dean loves Sam so much, I don't feel like I'm honoring him in not remembering that I do too. (I love everybody because I love you.) Dean was proud of Sam, and I don't want to throw those achievements away or disregard that they were important. Sam forces me to ask more questions and investigate things more deeply, and I appreciate that. I talk about Dean all the time, but Sam really did give and teach me things too, he did provide lessons on resistance and hope. "it doesn't matter what you are, it only matters what you do." "hope is kind of the whole point." that's who he was, and who he is, and I'll hold onto it as defiantly as he lived too. that's why I defend him and that really is why I love him. if it can help you even in the smallest way, I'm so glad, because I know that's exactly what the Winchesters would want.

#bilullaby #deanwinchesterbaby #i'm taking the hyphens out because i don't know what tag you use lovely!!! #anyway i'm sorry this is an ESSAY but it means so much to me and i'm really grateful for this ask #letterbox #i wanted so badly to believe that maybe i could be saved #sam i will avenge you #spn critical #as always: fuck the finale #spn for ts

[crashdevlin]

Fool For Love 10- Compromising

Fool For Love Series Masterlist , Fool For Love Story Masterlist

Author’s Note: Get ready for some heavy angst and some angry alpha Dean acting an ass. This series is also available on Archive.

Summary: Sam is determined to fix things between his brother and their omega, but with Dean stuck in his self-hatred and Y/n stuck in her self-pity, that's a little harder than it seems.

Pairing: former Alpha!Dean x Omega!Reader, Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader, mentions of Beta!OMC x Beta!Reader

Word count: 3261

Story Warnings: A/B/O dynamics, angst, past kidnapping, Dean having no clue how to fix shit, some awkwardness, 18+! HERE BE SEX!! DON’T READ IF YOU’RE A YOUNG’UN!!! knotting sex, heat, oral (fem rec)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Thank you, Sam. I really could have figured it out myself, though,” Y/n said as Sam set the LOMMARP down in her living room.

"Well, I know, but I wanted to help," he said as he stepped back to examine the placement. He bit the inside of his lip for a moment before he cleared his throat. "And, uh, I didn't end up putting it together. It was Dean."

She looked away and sighed. "Yeah,” she responded softly. “I can smell him on it."

"He told me not to tell you, but I didn’t want to lie.”

“Well, thanks for respecting me enough not to lie,” she said, turning away from the bookshelf and sitting on the couch.

“Of course I resp-” Sam took a deep breath. “Y/n, I know that you were burned by Dean’s-”

“I was destroyed by Dean,” she interrupted. “He killed me and then he killed my boyfriend and then he killed my beta existence.”

Sam’s shoulders tightened with tension. “You chose to become an omega again. It wasn’t him.”

“No, it was you,” she reminded, softly. “And yeah, some of it was me. I convinced myself that it was the right thing to do, so I’m at fault for my condition too, but the simple fact of it is that none of this would have happened if Dean hadn’t killed me two years ago.”

Sam took a deep breath and sat next to her on the couch. “You need to talk to him.” She looked over, her eyebrow raised. “Look, I’m very happy to have this time where it’s just you and me and you act like the sun shines out of my ass, but…” Sam licked his lips as he ran his fingers through his hair. “You love Dean and Dean loves you and don’t argue about it because being mad at him for what he’s done doesn’t change the fact that you love him.”

She looked away from him and scratched at her neck so Sam set his hand on her knee. “You wouldn’t have saved him if you didn’t still love him. I know you’re angry. I’m angry too. We lost out on two years with you because Dean fucked up, but we can get past it. We can get past the anger and find the love again...but not if you don’t talk to him.”

"Talking to him is...too hard, Sam."

"No, it's not. I'll be with you. Come on, Y/n." He squeezed her knee and she sighed.

"Okay. But not here...and not at the Bunker. Neutral ground."

Sam smiled. "I know just the place."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The park, Sam? Really?" Dean bitched as he parked the Impala and looked around the parking lot for a sign of Y/n.

"It's neutral, Dean. It's not her place. It's not our place," Sam explained as he pushed open his door and climbed out. "Plus, it's open air so no one can claim that pheromones played a part in the discussion. It’s the best place for this."

Dean rolled his eyes and exited the Chevy, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets and sighing. "This is not gonna work."

"Yes, it will. She still loves you. It'll work," Sam promised, walking away toward the picnic area.

"Would you forgive me for all the crap I pulled on-"

"I already have." Dean looked over at Sam, confused, but Sam was looking ahead to where Y/n was sitting at the nearest picnic table. Sam took the spot on the bench next to Y/n and Dean took the middle of the bench on the other side.

Dean's eyes couldn't lift from the table top as Y/n looked over at him, waiting patiently. She knew well how hard it was for Dean to speak on his emotions. "Sorry" would come easily. Admitting when he's messed up was easy for him, but talking out the whys was always hard.

Awkward silence dragged out over a few long moments, Sam opening his mouth to try start the conversation but thinking better of it each time. Dean reached out to pick at a splinter in the wood, absent-mindedly playing with it as Y/n watched.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I-I know that doesn’t mean anything but I am so sorry, Y/n.” He finally looked up and caught her eyes, tears making his olive orbs shine even brighter. “I’m so sorry about everything. I wish I had helped you when you were sick and I wish I had been able to walk away when I found out you were alive. I’m sorry I-I went feral and fucked your entire life up. What I did to your fiance...he didn’t deserve that. He just fell in love with the most wonderful woman in the world and that wasn’t his fault. He didn’t deserve what I did and I’m so sorry.”

Y/n shook her head, anger dripping into her scent. “He didn’t get the chance to actually be my fiance, Dean. You beat him to death before I even had the chance to say ‘yes’.” Tears filled her eyes at the memory of Malcolm covered in blood with his face smashed. “He was a good man. All he ever did was love me, support me, lift me up. And you killed him. You killed him. How is sorry supposed to fix that?”

“It’s not,” Dean answered, shaking his head. “It’s not supposed to fix anything. But I been…” He took a shaky breath and let his tongue out to run along his bottom lip. “Since I woke up and realized what I did, I’ve been sick about it. I ruined everything for you and I ruined everything again after you worked so hard to put together a good life without us and…” He shook his head as tears finally fell. “I’m so sorry.”

"Yeah, me too. I'm sorry I was so forgettable that you could toss me aside so easily. I'm sorry I picked beta existence instead of Chuck just taking my marks because if I'd chosen the first option, I'd be the only one affected. Malcolm would still be alive and you never would have gone feral, because you wouldn't be mated anymore." Dean's bottom lip trembled as she stood. "Would've been better for everyone."

"Y/n," Sam started but she shook her head and leaned over Dean.

"I was raped by a demon because of you and you never touched me again after. Do you even understand what that did to my self-worth? Do you understand that I thought I was ruined because my alpha wouldn't touch me? How broken I already was about what that monster did and how I felt so destroyed-"

"It was Amara, Y/n, she got in my head and-"

"And you couldn’t push through it. Not for me…and you couldn’t tell me why and you could-" Dean stood and moved like he was going to grab her, but stopped and stepped back instead. She let out a deep breath and licked her lips. "You hurt me in a hundred ways, Dean."

"I know. I wish I could fix it."

"You're talking again. That's a start," Sam said, moving to stand too.

"Right. A start." Y/n cleared her throat and wiped at her eyes. "I'm, um, gonna get going. I've got work in a half hour."

"Okay," Sam said, wrapping his arms around her shoulders and kissing the top of her head. "Love you. Text me?"

"Yeah," she agreed before nodding at Dean and walking toward the parking lot.

The brothers watched her walk away until they couldn't see her anymore. "Told you it wouldn't work," Dean grumbled before walking away.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I was thinking we could do dinner...with Dean," Sam suggested as he brought Y/n a cup of coffee. "It's been a few days, you've calmed down. I know you've been thinking about his apology, right?"

She rolled her eyes and took a sip of the coffee. "Yeah. I guess I've been thinking but...it’s...I’m just tired of...compromising, I guess?”

“Compromising?” Sam asked, shaking his head a little.

“Putting aside my feelings and my desires to be...because omegas make things easier, omegas soothe and fix, omegas-”

“You don’t have to-”

“Of course, I do. I’m the omega, it’s my lot in life.” She cleared her throat. “It’s fine. I’m...it’s fine. Let’s just...if you want to have dinner with Dean, we can have dinner with Dean.”

“If you don’t want to, then-” Sam started.

“What I want doesn’t matter,” she dismissed.

“Yes, it does!” Sam argued. “Of course, it does, Y/n.”

“No, it doesn’t, because what I want in my head is a different thing than what I want in my body and my body is going to win out in the end because of these stupid fucking marks.” She closed her eyes tight and scratched her nails across her eyebrows. “It’s okay. It’s fine. Call Dean. We’ll do B&E, get some pizza or something.”

“Are you sure?”

She nodded. “Yeah. I’m sure. Gonna have to fix things eventually, right?”

Sam nodded and pulled out his phone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean was nervous as he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. He wasn’t sure why he kept letting Sam talk him into this stuff. Y/n was never going to forgive him. She shouldn’t. He fucked up. He fucked everything up. He ruined everything.

She was sitting at a booth with Sam when he walked into the pizzeria. Dean swallowed thickly and approached the booth, taking the seat on the opposite side. “Hey.”

“Hey,” Sam and Y/n echoed.

“Have we, uh, have we ordered?”

“No. Figured we should wait. That’s the polite thing, right?” Y/n asked, looking down at the tabletop.

Dean bit his bottom lip and shook his head with a sigh. “Maybe we shouldn’t do this. You’re obviously uncomfortable and-”

“I’m on the edge of my first heat in years,” Y/n interrupted. “I can feel it starting to claw at my insides. Little cramps, uncomfortable anxiety...it’s just been a while since I felt it, okay? That’s why I’m on edge.”

Dean nodded. “Sorry. I...I couldn’t smell it over Sammy’s scent. I...I hope...I mean...I don’t suppose you’re excited about it, but...Sam’s gonna be good to take care-” The powerful way Y/n rolled her eyes stopped Dean mid sentence.

“Sam won’t be enough, dumbass.”

“Y/n,” Sam chastised quietly and Y/n rolled her eyes again.

“He is. If he’s already forgotten how I almost died last time,” Y/n snapped.

“I didn’t forget,” Dean said, softly, picking at his paper napkin. “I just figured you’d wanna go as long as possible without touching me. Figured I’d be a last-ditch effort, keep yourself away from me until you absolutely have to-”

“You think I’d rather subject myself to rejection sickness for a while instead of having sex with you? You think I hate you so much that I’d put myself through that pain again?” she asked, seriously. Dean just shrugged, still not looking at her. She sighed and shook her head. “If I hated you, I’d’ve let you die...feral and lost. I don’t hate you...much as I want to.”

"So...you don't hate me?" Dean asked, shyly.

"I wish I did. I really tried." Y/n shook her head and picked up her drink. "I tried to hate you when you said I wasn't really dying and I tried to hate you in Seattle and I tried to hate you when Sam asked me to save you, but I couldn't. Even after what you did to Mal...I couldn’t." Y/n took a sip as Sam wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "There was so much potential in our relationship. We got through you being a demon and the Mark making you dark...we could have gotten through anything together."

"'Til I killed you," Dean whispered. "And I did. I killed you, Y/n. I'm the reason you left and Chuck found you and I'm so sorry." He looked up and caught Y/n's eyes. "I'm sorry I'm the reason your family thinks you're dead and I'm sorry I hurt you so badly. I'm so sorry."

The server walked up as Y/n opened her mouth to reply, so she stopped. They ordered their food and fell into a tense silence that followed them across the entire meal. Y/n cuddled closer to Sam as they ate. She was feeling needy, her abdomen cramping more the longer she was around her alphas, but she was doing her best to ignore it. She wasn't exactly happy to be reduced to base animal cravings again and she planned to fight it until the fever hit.

Dean picked pepperoni off of his pizza and sneaked looks across the table. "You should hate me," he whispered eventually. "I do."

"You hated yourself before all this," Y/n snapped.

“Yeah.” Dean nodded and stood, tossing a twenty dollar bill on the table. “It made sense then, too.”

Sam stood as Dean started to walk away from the table. “We’ll call you when she starts her heat.”

“Not until she really needs me, Sammy. You should take care of her needs. I don’t deserve-”

Sam shook his head. “She’ll need you faster than you think she will. First heat. It’s just like a first heat, Dean.”

Dean sighed. “Just call me when she needs me. I don’t deserve to touch her.”

“Coward,” Y/n whispered as Dean walked out of the restaurant.

Sam sat next to her and kissed her forehead. “It’ll be okay. We’ll get you through this.”

“Don’t really have much of a choice, do we?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/n’s temperature spiked as Sam drove her to her house. She squirmed in the passenger seat of the classic pickup truck as she rolled the window down to get air circulating in the cab.

"God, this feels almost as bad as…" she whimpered, curling in on herself.

"As bad as?" Sam asked, reaching over to set his hand on her thigh.

"The first one. The night at the bar," she whined, spreading her legs in silent invitation. Sam slipped his hand further up her thigh and pressed the seam of her jeans into her mound. She grabbed his hand, grinding against it as she made him put more pressure on her. "It's so overwhelming."

"I'll take care of you, Y/n," Sam promised, rubbing at her clit through her jeans.

She was a sweating mess of pheromones by the time Sam got her to her house. Sam held his breath as he moved to pick her up and help her out of the truck. If he breathed in the powerful scent of her, he likely wouldn't make it inside with her. He didn’t need her neighbors to witness him knotting her on the front lawn. She clung to him as he helped her inside, pulling her keys out of her jacket and opening the door. She whined his name as he helped her in and immediately turned right into the bedroom.

They hadn't done more than kiss and grope each other since she came back to Lebanon. Dean had gone further than Sam. As Sam grabbed her head and pressed a fierce kiss to her lips, she clawed at her clothes, desperate to be free of the constricting material. Sam grabbed the collar of her t-shirt and tugged, growling as she gasped against his mouth.

"Pants off. Bed," he commanded, pulling at his own clothes. She scrambled to kick her shoes off and fumbled with the button of her jeans as she stumbled backward toward the mattress. “I’ve been thinking about this for months. Getting between those legs again, listening to you whine. Tasting you. Fuck, I missed the way you taste.”

“Alpha, please,” she whined, dropping back onto the bed and spreading her legs for him.

“God, you are so beautiful,” he whispered, joining her on the bed. He was overwhelmed by the way she smelled and how she looked, sweating and spread out before him. He ran his hand across her collarbone and down into the valley between her breasts, loving the way she pressed herself closer to him. “I’m going to make you feel better, Omega.”

Sam leaned down and took her nipple in his mouth, sucking lightly despite the desire to bite down and make her squirm. Her hand came down and buried in his hair as he laved his tongue over her skin, making the sensitive skin pucker at the attention. Sam couldn’t put into words how much he’d missed the scents and sensations attacking his brain in that moment. A million memories assaulted him as he kissed his way down her body to lick his way along her mound. This was Heaven for Sam. Hearing her noises, hearing her gasps, feeling her fingers grabbing his scalp like her life depended on it, as he feasted on her slick. He wanted nothing more for the rest of his life.

When she came apart on his tongue, he immediately climbed up her body and looked down into her lust-glazed eyes. “Do you want to present or...or should I take you like this or-”

“Let me ride.”

Sam’s cock twitched at the breathless request and he nodded before dropping to the bed beside her. He licked his lips and brushed his hair out of his face as she set her hands on his chest and moved to straddle him. She looked apprehensive for a moment before reaching down and lining his cock up with her entrance. He put his hand over hers on his chest and smiled up at her. “It’s okay, ‘mega.”

She leaned down and kissed him as she started working her way down his shaft. Thick alpha cock filling her up was exactly what she needed and she sighed in relief when he bottomed out inside of her. “Fuck, Sam.”

“You feel perfect, baby. Such a beautiful omega, so tight and wet. Perfect,” Sam praised as she started to roll her hips.

She wouldn’t have admitted to it in Seattle, but she missed this kind of sex. She missed an alpha dick in her, knot swelling at the base. She couldn’t say she dreamed of it, she hadn’t had any sexual dreams. But she did think about it. She thought about Sam and she thought about his brother, her original alpha, her original love. She missed them both. She missed this.

Sam let her work herself into a frenzy. He let her ride as fast as she wanted to. He let her slam her body down on him and only gave quick thrusts every once in a while to let her know he was enjoying himself as much as she was. When his knot started to fill, she leaned down to kiss him again, nails digging into the back of his neck as she finally fell over into oblivion. Sam reached down to grab her hips and braced his feet against the mattress as he started to thrust up into her, chasing his own ending, wanting nothing more than to knot her once more.

His knot caught and they both moaned loudly, kissing as he continued to try to thrust, his cock twitching inside of her. They were dripping sweat and satisfaction as she dropped to lie against his chest. “That...was amazing,” she whispered, panting harshly.

Sam chuckled and held her closer to him. “Yeah. You feeling okay?”

“For now.”

~~~

The Kitchen Sink - @emoryhemsworth @flamencodiva @wasabiwitteks @rainbowkisses31 @rissbennett @mariekoukie6661 @officiallyunofficialperson @dolphincliffs @mrs-meghan-winchester @gayspacenerd @foxyjwls007 @ilovefanfic86 @marvelfansworld @f-yeahfandoms @wonderlandfandomkingdom @hhiggs @sev3nruby @hobby27 @paintballkid711 @divadinag @thewhiterabbit42 @fantasymyth-1 @queenoftheunderdark @cosicas-cuquis @superfanficnatural @letsby @supernatural-bellawinchester @onethirstyunicorn @swinchester27 @chalicia @screechingartisancashbailiff @death-unbecomes-you @dayasvalkyrie @paryl @wereallbrokenangels @the-american-witch @that-one-gay-girl @tatted-trina6 @sunshineandwings86 @lunarmoon8 @wheezyeds @vicmc624 @couldabeenamermaid @vulgar-library

#cassie writes stuff #spn fanfic #a/b/o dynamics #alpha!sam #alpha!dean #omega!reader #reader-insert

[itsbenedict]

Two-Faced Jewel: Session 1-A

I've been playing tabletop games for TOO LONG without actually playing any D&D, and the time for that to change is now.

Zero and @eternalfarnham are Looseleaf and Saelhen du Fishercrown, a mothfolk animist and a half-elf conwoman whose travels take them to Blacksky University, where the discovery of an unknown magical artifact sets them on the path to discovering the secrets of a shattered world.

Oyashio, 親潮市, is known as the Crossroad City. It sits on the closest point between the two major continents of the world, alongside the swift currents of the fierce river-ocean that separates the two. People from all over the Jewel come here to find their fortunes.

Looseleaf is a new arrival to Blacksky University, the institution of higher learning that terrorizes the city with its warball hooligans and dangerous magical experiments. She's left her reclusive village to learn more about the cultures and peoples of the world, and has enrolled in the School of Natural Arts to pursue her dream.

The Lady Noeru de la Surplus is the down-on-her-luck scion of an elven noble family, here to complete her rite of succession and restore the good name of her clan.

Saelhen du Fishercrown is a half-elf disgrace who fled the stifling elven capital of Kanzentokai to escape its byzantine social order- and strike it rich by pretending to be the down-on-her-luck scion of an elven noble family and conning a bunch of elfaboo suckers out of their hard-earned gold. She's out to get rich and prove that elves can be assholes too, dammit!

*

Looseleaf leaves her room to discover- not her roommate, but a large half-orc woman rummaging through her oven.

She asks where Looseleaf keeps the swords.

It becomes clear that Bud Chestplate, here, is a friend of Oyobi Yamatake, Looseleaf's roommate, and Oyobi sent her to pick up some swords from the dorm. They make some small talk while searching, but Looseleaf fails her Investigation roll and can't find the swords for her. She leaves Bud to her business, since she needs to catch her meeting with the Dean.

Benedict I. (GM): So... you get to the Dean's office. It's a pretty large room- not because the Dean is particularly showoffy, but because Dean Mogher is a loxodon, and his office sort of needs to be big. Them elephant people, y'know. You've been asked to meet for an "academic consultation", and aren't sure what to expect.

Seems like Looseleaf needs to do some sort of independent study- and the Dean has something lined up for her, if she's interested. It's an artifact they recently got their hands on thanks to a rich donor, who wanted to learn more about it. It's super magic, so he had to pull some strings to keep it out of the hands of the School of Arcane Arts.

Looseleaf is excited about this!

Looseleaf: Looseleaf vibrates, shaking her wings kind of in the way that a dog might shake their body to remove dirt. This is moth body language for 'FUCK YES I AM SO READY FOR THIS I WAS BORN FOR THIS'.

Meanwhile... Saelhen has arrived in town. She's set herself up with a room in the city, made some public appearances to sell the story, and...

Saelhen has a plan. She'll pretend that this object is rightfully hers, as part of an arcane elven ritual to succeed the headship of her family- and hopefully badger the school into letting her get her hands on it.

She enters the school grounds via the student village, and meets a half-orc woman carrying a bunch of swords around for some reason- who she asks for directions. Bud obliges, despite being preoccupied.

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Ah, I'm sorry! I didn't realize you were occupied by all those weapons." She bows at the prescribed angle for a small favor asked from a foreigner. "Your words are as 出鱈目外人向け. Thank you." Benedict I. (GM):出鱈目 is like, nonsense, bullshit, 外人 is gaijin, 向け is a suffix that means "for" bullshit for foreigners i love it

(Elven is Japanese here, for reasons.)

Saelhen follows the directions to the School of Arcane arts, and asks the receptionist- a tired-looking goblin girl named Two-Brains- where the Dean's office is.

Two-Brains directs her to the Moon Annex, a wing of the building identifiable by the river of moon symbols flowing along the floor. She reaches what is clearly the Dean's office, and hears a conversation within, that she opts to sneakily listen in on.

Benedict I. (GM): That'll do- you hear a whispered argument, fairly clearly. "...is he blackmailing you? Bribing you? This is clearly our department!" The voice is old and slightly screechy. A younger but still mature voice replies. "Please don't attack my character, Variable. Is my reasoning really that hard to understand?" "Yes," the older voice says. "It's the most magically powerful artifact that's ever come into our possession! How is this not of immediate concern to our department?" "You're failing to consider Coast's concerns, and those of our continuing research," the younger voice says. "Yes, this object is powerful- but learning its magic will scarcely tell us where it comes from. If we could find its source, we could find many more specimens of its kind for study."

It seems like Dean Variable Velocity of Arcane Arts (an elderly owl aarakocra in a wheelchair) really wanted to get her hands on the magic item, but Dean Coast Mogher of Natural Arts got this person to decide in his favor, instead.

Saelhen eventually opts to knock, and sees in the room with the Dean... an elf. Very tall, adorned in jewels, and wearing a very very large hoop dress that goes all the way down to the floor. This would be a problem for Saelhen, because actual elven nobility would see right through her disguise- but luckily, this woman- the provost of the university- is a drow, and not exactly welcome in the circles of elven high society.

The provost takes her leave, and Saelhen spins her sob story for Dean Velocity:

Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Madam Dean, I am sure that any matter requiring your attention might very well overrule my own. If your affairs require that you delay our discussion of the provenance of your college's recent acquisition, then my honor demands that I comply." Benedict I. (GM): "The provenance of our recent acquisiton?" "Wait- are you here about that thing?" "The bracer?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: "Ah, yes." Saelhen ducks her head a bit sheepishly. "I can come back." "Perhaps I have misunderstood what time I was meant to arrive." Benedict I. (GM): "No, no, come in! Come in, I'm sure we can address your concerns." "What time you were- you mentioned an appointment, who told you there was an appointment?" "Never mind, no, it's- please, come in." Saelhen du Fishercrown: "I spoke with a Madam Two-Brains? But information may have been lost in the shuffle -- I gather it was a busy day." Saelhen sits. Benedict I. (GM): "...The student receptionist? Why would- no, never mind. What's this about the bracer?" Saelhen du Fishercrown: Whoops. "I have neglected to introduce myself, and for that I apologize. I am the Lady Noeru de la Surplus, sixth of her name." Saelhen lowers her head. "Your... bracer is an item of some significance to my family." Benedict I. (GM): Her eyes light up. "Is that so?" "What significance, would you say?"

After a little more bullshitting and some great Deception rolls, she has the dean completely sold on her story. It helps that she quite badly wanted to believe it- since if it were true, her rival wouldn't have legitimate claim to it. Dean Velocity offers to help recover the item, if Lady Noeru would agree to let her study it briefly.

Meanwhile, below the School of Arcane Arts, Looseleaf is shown a special hands-free containment device for the magical item.

Benedict I. (GM): Inside the glass case hovers what looks like a stone bracer. It's inset with thirteen large sapphires, at seemingly random locations, little rhyme or reason. There's one region of the bracer that doesn't have sapphires- a flat, circular raised bit with a symbol engraved on it. It's not one you're familiar with, but matches the pattern of the emblems of the gods. Looseleaf: Is it a divine symbol? Yeeeep. Benedict I. (GM): A circle, with horizontal lines across it, growing denser towards the wearer.

Looseleaf makes some investigation and history checks to find out more about it. She observes that the sapphires are connected to one another, and that its craftsmanship doesn't match anything she's ever seen or read about. She's still taking a look at it when Saelhen and Dean Velocity show up.

Dean Velocity badgers Dean Mogher into hearing Saelhen out, and she continues to knock her deception checks out of the park. He doesn't want to give it up without a fight, but he believes her intentions are true. He proposes a compromise: Looseleaf will represent both schools (as she's taking courses in both and is undecided on a major) and accompany Saelhen on her supposed succession rite, asking lots of questions and writing a report that they might be able to publish.

This compromise is more or less amenable to all, and Saelhen is allowed to touch the bracer.

It immediately jumps onto her arm and sticks there, and projects a holographic wayfinding arrow out of one of the sapphires. The bracer begins pulling her arm in that direction. She can't get it off- and can't just run. She's forced to keep up the charade, and let Looseleaf try some magic on it.

Looseleaf is a homebrew class Zero found called the Animist, a caster themed around the idea that all things have "spirits". One of the things it can do is called Soul Glean, which basically lets you... read the mind of an inanimate object.

Lesser Soul Glean: You may peer into the things the soul of an object has witnessed. Make an int (arcana) check to determine the amount of information gleaned from the object. The more recent or emotionally volatile the event, the easier it is to glean information from, while the more distance the harder it is. Senses of emotions, vague intentions, and the sight of auras of can generally be gleaned from this reading.

And what she gets from that is...

Looseleaf:“It’s lost,” Looseleaf says. “It has a purpose and has been unable to fulfill that purpose for a very long time. It’s not epistemologically correct to assign emotions to items through divinations, I think, but if this thing had an emotion I imagine it would be sad.” ”Most importantly, it does not feel fulfilled. It is not behaving the way that objects reunited with their lost owners would be have.” “Given this, I hope you will forgive me for my indiscretion in this next act.” Looseleaf... shifts her arm, the arm touching the bracer, sliding off it and onto the elvish lady’s arm, and Lesser Soul Reads her.

Now Soul Read is for living things, and only sort of gets you mood and general intentions- for now. Saelhen, though, won't be having any of that- she passes her dex save to pull away before Looseleaf can read her. (This, of course, only makes Looseleaf more suspicious.)

Tumblr has new post restrictions that force me to keep these posts short, so here's:

[Part B]

#twofaced jewel #tfj log

[sinnabonka]

Hey Hun! Lots of love to you. For starters I wanted to say that there should be no cell in your body blaming yself in any way. You and your blog were hope for so many people. You were the "you are not crazy" of the final weeks, and I'm forever grateful to you. Instead of dying of anxiety I managed to have a blast in this time of waiting, thanks to you. I passed my master thesis, because you gave me strength to see past the fear. I laughed in those weeks more than in last 5 years, and all of it because of the hope you gave me.

The rest of the msg is going to be pretty emotional rant about the awfulness of it all, and I know my opinion doesn't matter to anyone but I wanted someone important to me to hear my thoughts, if that's ok. It's also ok if you don't want to read it ofc. It's like my breakup letter to the show.

I hear many people cheering for the finale and i find it really hard to deal with. I always considered myself an open person who fights for healthy love as the only redeeming quality of the universe. I could see people's point of view, even if it didn't sit well with mine, and I would always try to hear them out respectfully until they weren't being respectful themselves. That said, I'm fully unable to understand cheering for this type of spiteful content and hearing those cheers makes me feel like the entire world is listening to "this is how you treat your fans, this is how to abuse your power over naive sheep, this is how to keep dumb, hopeful minorities in check" and taking notes.

It also upsets me that the people who gave this show all of themselves and tried to understand it to the core are given no resolution, are spitted on and buried under the rug for doing their best to appreciate the art and the story it was telling. Yet people, who just hang around and watch the show doing the dishes, with no consideration to it's story or characters, got as nonsensical ending as their whole idea of character development in SPN.

I know people say that it was good enough, because it leaves space for guessing and own interpretation, but I feel it's really undermining the extend to which the finale was awful and hurtful to the fans. There is no end that realistically could stop fanfic writers from finding way around it in the world of Supernatural, so saying it was thoughtful of them Is like excusing abusive partner because "they could hit me harder, but they didn't. That means they care"

Lose ends, characters being written in a way that is totally not true to them and their development (personally my biggest allegation), dismissing years of story development, proving that it was all 'queerbaiting' in big part in the end (hell, even the whole "Cas is in heaven so do with it what you will" is a shameful way of appalling to LGBTQ community after using them so hard.

In the pie scene, the roles should be swapped, it's Dean who should say that Cas is on his mind and Sam explaining him that it's only right to keep on living doing good in their name. That's what Dean told Sam at the beginning of the season, when Sam lost Rowena, so it would be at least a bit poetic. This would at least give us some truth from Dean for once, but he died how he lived, in shadow of his fear to be true towards his feelings and needs. And as he died, he bound his little brother to the hunting till the end of his days, by guilting him into it on his deathbed. Guess Dean took after his father.

Have you realised what that emotional "love speech" from Dean to Sam resulted in? It was writers taking back Cas' confession after they didn't need our viewership anymore.

They basically gave us love confession to get us to follow the finale and when they didn't need us anymore, not only they didn't commit to the confession, but they undermined it by having Dean's speech to Sam go the way it did with obviously higher emotional charge, successfully taking back the value of Cas' confession and making it about a bait for "Tumblr idiots"

Finale killed my feelings towards Destiel, not because it wasn't confirmed canon, but because from what I see in the episode, they canonically confirmed that

- for Dean, Cas was only means to an end, which is such an awful way of ending Cas' character arc. They gave him everything he was scared of and nothing close to consolation price and they dare to tell us he had a happy ending, "because they said so". Well, I didn't see him being happy, and knowing what i textually know i can empathise enough to say that he faced a miserable finish. Even Chuck got an end that was better than Cas' fate.

- Dean, given power to do anything he could dream of, chooses to not even greet Cas, after Cas gave his whole life to Dean, told him he loved him and died for him. I know some people consider the little smirk of Dean confirmation of his feelings, but let's be real for just a second. If someone you deeply loved for years confessed to you, told you they thought you don't love them back, you would be freaking running to see them and tell them how much you love them. That smirk to me reads as "I'm relieved to know you're not going to spend eternity in mega hell that i left you in" and we really need to stop giving credit to writers for scraps like this when it's the last episode ever and we know this isn't going anywhere.

Not to mention that by having Jack bring Cas back behind the scenes it just highlights the fact that Dean didn't ask him to do that in episode 19.

As result, I'm unable to look at any Destiel scene and not think "in here Cas already loved him and in here Dean already abuses the power he had over Cas, because of his one-sided love"

And yet, the episode and endgames for everyone (maybe not Sam, but he was seriously pinning for Dean his entire life. Wincest much?) managed to be so bad, that not even bringing Cas back or following up on Destiel would make a difference in my eyes. I know you believe that Destiel would save it, but for me as much as it would be a redeeming quality, it wouldn't be enough to save this awfulness that writer doomed characters with.

And all the Wincest scenes in the finale... I low key expected them to make out and it made me feel physically sick. Also, cutting Misha out because of coronavirus is a cheap excuse. We all know better than to believe that, so let's not fall for the self pity play from the abuser.

If you managed to stay with me till this point, thank you so much for hearing me out. I hope i didn't anger you with my monologue. I will always think of the lamp when i think of you. The reality is that you were the lamp for so many of us in this darkness.

Love you so much, wish all the best to you, take care of yourself and stay safe!

Oh my god, if I didn’t cry with the final, I definitely am crying now. And now I have to explain my partner why I’m staring at my laptop and sobbing ugly. What have you done? 

First of all, I hear you pain, my friend! I share it! I didn’t spend a second after the final without the feeling of my heart being shuttered into million pieces, being stitched back just to break again, and so on and so on. 

I had my first panic attack in two years yesterday, when I kept thinking about the message the show sent to the fandom via Dean’s fate. I have a few posts in my draft on the matter, but I am not sure I will ever share them, because it is one strong depresso, and I don’t think people following me should see how fucked up it really is (if they didn’t get it by themselves, of course). 

I want to remind you, my gentle soul, that the story belongs to us. We know Dean, we know Cas, we know Sam and others. We know that the final is not who they are! I know it’s hard to ignore the text, the canon, because it’s kinda godsent, but the truth is essential. And the final is not the truth.

The truth: 

Cas loves Dean, he sacrificed himself for him, he saved his life on multiple occasions, he told all those beautiful things and he meant every word.

Dean loves Cas, he was on his lowest every time he lost him, Cas was his “big win”, his best friend, his brother, his white light that lead him out of his anger, hatred and despair. He took a dog and called it Miracle, he was looking for a job to retire from hunting, he didn’t kill Chuck - all of that, because the sacrifice Cas made was not in vain! The message was clear. 

I choose to ignore the “Carry on”, the only attention it is going to get is me creating 20 more mails just to put a one star review there and to drop some more salty or bitter comments with it. Maybe I will read through some reviews, too, add them to my collection. 

Maybe I will one day write here an article from scriptwriting perspective how fucked up in was, because that’s what I can do about it, without throwing up. 

If you can’t ignore it, I understand it. It is painful, it is disrespectful, I hate it as much as you do, probably. 

If there’s anything I can do for you to feel better, just drop me a message, we can talk about it. I am on the lowest, too, but maybe we can help each other.

You say I was your lamp. Let me lead you our of the darkness one more time <3 

CW can suck my metaphorical dick (I’m tagging every angry post with it), but Supernatural is not just the show on CW, it’s a big family. 

And you can’t give up on it! You can’t give up on Dean and Cas, you can’t give up on Destiel! It’s so much bigger then the show itself.

Rediscover the show for yourself, remind yourself that Dean and Cas are real, it was never one sided, it was always something amazing. 

What is real? We are.

Don’t you ever change.

I rather have you, cursed or not.

It’s love, hun, and love always wins. 

#the15yearshow #spn #destiel #cw #can suck my metaphorical dick #sinnabonka answers

[dingobabywrites]

 so, in light of recent events, people have been discussing when they think Dean and Cas realized that they were in love with each other. While I 100% believe dean realized in purgatory, I dont think Castiel realized until Dean broke Naomi's connection.

BUT!!!!

I also think that is around the same time Sam realized it too. Obviously Charlie already knew ( " what about Castiel, he seems helpful and..Dreamy" she's a lesbian. That comment wasn't for Her!") I think Charlie was the one to point it out to sam and I think the two of them agreed to keep it to themselves since neither of those two would have been able to handle that information. So, I wrote a little thing about how I think it went down.

I also wanted to give myself an explanation for those wierd looks and mystery note from the end of the episode...so yeah...here's that.

Sam hobbled down the hall to the guest room, his hand still throbbing from knocking Dean unconcious . It was…worrisome, to say the least, that he was having this much trouble with healing from such a minor injury, not to mention the other things that were happening to his body; the fatigue, coughing up blood. Troubling, but, as much as he hated to admit it, worth it. Dean had been pissing him off more than usual lately anyway. It wasn't just the trials. Sure, he was frustrated with Dean for thinking he wasn't strong enough to handle them (he had fought against Lucifer in his own mind for christ's sake) but it was everything else too. His loyalty to Benny still didn't sit right with him. He had been so quick to kill Amy, just because she was a monster. He didn't care that she was just feeding her kid. She was just a monster to him. But for some reason, Benny got a pass. Sure, the guy saved both their asses, he was grateful for that, but even Bobby knew it was wrong.

And then there was Cas.

 

Sam wanted nothing more, than to tell Dean that he should have learned his lesson the first time with the Angel. It wasn't like he didn't like Castiel. Of course he did. He was appreciative of everything the guy had done for them. Dean was right that he had saved their asses more than once. It was just….at the end of the day, whether they liked him or not, Castiel had betrayed them. He understood that perfectly. What he couldn't understand, was why dean was so suprised by him doing it again. Hell, Dean had been the one to bring up that fact that the guy wasn't acting right since he got back and yet, there he was, praying to him, putting his trust in him again. It was maddening, to say the least. He had tried to talk to his brother about it, but Dean immediately shut down.

So, yeah, his hand was still hurting, but it was damn worth it.

He turned the corner to find Charlie stuffing her things into her duffle. He knocked on the door frame with his uninjured hand. "Hey, there."

"Sam." She half smiled, when she turned around, her eyes still a little bleary from crying. "Hi, I'm just…just packing up to head out and…" she sniffled and plopped down on the bed, covering her face as she began crying anew.

Sam walked into the room and pulled up the desk chair, sitting down in front of her. "Dean told me what happened, while you two were under." He said. "I am so sorry about your mom, Charlie." He placed his hand on her shoulder as she began crying harder. "I know how hard it is to let go like that…"

"Dean was right," she sniffed. "I needed to stop holding on."

Sam let out a bitter scoff and pulled his hand back, squeezing both hands between his legs. "Yeah, Dean's always right, isn't he? Too bad he can't follow his own advice."

Charlie looked up, her eyes sad and confused. "Holding on to my mom was the reason I was stuck there. If he hadn't made me let go, I would have died.we both would have."

Sam shook his head at himself, trying his damndest to let go of his own bitterness to be there for his friend. "Ya, I know. I'm sorry…just…I know you're hurting right now, I just want you to know I'm here for you."

Charlie sniffed again, wiping her arm across her face to dry it before leaning back and staring at Sam. "I don't get it." She said, as firmly as possible.

Sam, leaned back and shrugged. "Me neither, really. I always thought all djinn fed off happiness. It's like every time we figure stuff out, something new comes along to throw us off our game."

"Not that." Charlie said, waving his statement off. Sam looked at her, confused, not sure what she was referring to. She took a breath and pulled a book out of her duffle throwing it on Sam's lap. 'Mystery Spot' By Carver Edlund. "You say these books happened in real life. That everything written in them actually went down…but the past two times I've been around you guys…you certainly dont act like you do in the books."

Sam skimmed the first page of the book and chuckled, tossing it back on the bed next to Charlie. "Yeah, well, things have just been different, I guess."

"So, you used to love and support each other, no matter what and now you just, what? Stopped?" She asked.

"It's…" Sam scoffed and shook his head. "things are just, more complicated now…"

"You maybe, wanna elaborate there buddy?" She asked. "I may be a genius, but a mind reader, I am not."

Sam let out a breath and scrubbed a hand through his hair. He figured it might feel better to at least get something off his chest. "To be honest Charlie, I dont think Dean is cut out for the job anymore."

"Why not?"

"His judgment, for one thing." Sam answered. "I don't know, just ever since he got back from purgatory… he's been…it's like he can't think straight anymore. He used to be no nonsense when it came to killing monsters and only trusting people he knew he could trust and now… I mean, I get it. Purgatory was rough on him, but the guy has literally been to Hell and back. I don't see why this time is any different."

"What do you mean?" Charlie asked softly.

"I mean like, being friends with a freaking vamp." Sam answered, coldly. "Yeah, Benny wasn't like the others, and I get the whole 'brother's in arms' aspect, but it still doesn't make sense." He waved his hand, gesturing back at the book before letting it drop. "That Dean? That Dean would have never put his trust in a monster. That Dean wouldn't let people back into his life that had screwed him over, and now…I don't know, now it's like he just doesn't care about letting people in that who could hurt him, or…people who already have."

"So, it's not just about the vampire." Charlie said. "Who else has Dean been trusting that you don't think he should?"

Sam gritted his teeth and shook his head. "Cas really messed him up Charlie. I mean, the guy already turned his back on us once and Dean just let him back into our lives like nothing even happened."

"Ah." Charlie said, with complete understanding. "Okay, I get it now."

"Get what?" Sam asked.

"I get why Dean has been acting wierd, duh." She said, like it was obvious. Sam sat, staring at her, trying to peice together what puzzle she seemed to have completed. "Oh, my God. Do you really not see it?" Charlie laughed.

"Um, no?" Sam said, skeptically.

"Wow," she scoffed. "And here I thought you were the observant one." Sam waited for her to explain herself, still utterly lost on what she was talking about. "It's Castiel." She said, speaking to him as if he were a child.

"What about him?" Sam asked, hoping like hell that she wasn't talking about the angel brainwashing his brother or something.

"I've read the books, Sam." She said. "I know all about Dean's special Angel friend."

"No." Sam shook his head. "No, chuck stopped writing after Dean went to hell. There's no way you could have a read anything about Cas."

Charlie scrunched her face and bobbed her head back and forth. "Mmmm, not exactly." She reached into her bag and pulled put her laptop, turning it on. "Remember how I said the books were online now?" Sam nodded waiting for her to continue. "Okay, dont get mad," she said as she typed "but, he may have kept writing a little bit longer than you thought…."

"He what?!" Sam said, furious. They had told that dick to knock it off after that stupid convention."How long?"

"Relax." She said, scrolling through some page on her screen. "He stopped after you sacrifice yourself to Hell, actually. It was beautifully written by the way, super emotional, but no one has seen or heard from him since."

'Good!' Sam thought to himself. He felt a little bad for that thought, since Kevin was now the prophet it meant that the reason no one had heard from Chuck was likely because he was dead, but at least no one else could know more about their lives than they already did. "Okay, but what does any of this have to do with Dean? Why would Cas be the reason he's acting wierd?"

Charlie sighed, cringing to her self a little. "Well, as you already know, where there's a fandom, there's most likely fanfiction…"

"I'm aware." Sam said, peeved by the memory of stumbling upon the fanfiction written about him and Dean.

"Look, I'm not saying anything is definite, but alot of people who write fanfiction are really good at reading between the lines." She clicked her mouse a few times before closing her laptop and setting it back in her bag. "I mean, I've read all the books myself, and I totally know that you guys are real people and not some fictional characters, and it's completely not okay to speculate on your lives and feelings or whatever...but I mean, it's kinda hard not to see where they're all coming from."

"What are you talking about, Charlie?"

"Dean said that Benny helped him fight through purgatory, right?" She said. "He met him pretty early on in his time there, no?"

"Yeah," Sam said, still completely bemused, "I guess…Dean hasn't really talked a lot about what happened while he was there. He told me some things, but he never really went into detail."

Charlie nodded and shrugged sheepishly before continuing. "Okay, so he met Benny early on, and Benny told him he had a way to get back, right off the bat. So, why did it take them so long to get out of there?"

"Dean said he spent alot of his time searching for Cas." Sam answered.

"Exactly!" She exclaimed, like that should have been the answer.

"I'm sorry Charlie, I still don't understand what you're getting at here."

"Sam, he could've come back at any point after meeting Benny. They only spent as much time as they did together, because Dean wanted to bring Castiel back with him. Even after everything he did. Don't you think that's a little…suspicious?"

"That's exactly what I've been saying!" Sam said. "Why would he do that?!"

"Yeah, Sam, why?" She said, still trying to lead him. "Why would someone run back into a fire, when they have a way out? I mean, I think you, of all people, would know the answer to that."

Sam gaped at her in shock. It took a minute for him to register what she was implying, but once he did… "Charlie, that's…"

"Just a thought!" She defended before he finished. "I'm just saying that Dean doesn't normally put his trust in people. Except, maybe…the people he REALLY cares about and the people that protect them. Maybe there's more to the story when it comes to his trust in Benny than you thought. I definitely feel like there's more when it comes to Castiel."

"Charlie, come on." Sam laughed a little. " You know Dean. He's…"

"More complicated than people give him credit for." Charlie cut him off. "He also knows how hard it is to let go of the people he loves. He's actually really bad at it. Maybe, worse than you know."

"Charlie," Sam started, before being cut off once more.

"He's definitely more concerned about you than you think." Charlie said firmly, standing up as she did. She began packing once more, keeping her eyes averted from Sam's. "He's not trying to control you, you know. He raised you, Sam. You mean alot to him. You ever think for a moment that he's just really scared for you? Scared of losing you? I mean, back to my point, he is really bad at losing people."

Sam sat in silence, petulantly mulling over Charlie's words. She was right, probably. Dean may have been scared, but it was still possible that he just couldn't hack the life anymore. Sam wasn't some child. And the other stuff she was saying…she was way off base. There was a big difference between reading about someone's and living it.

"I sent you the link to the website I used to read the books." Charlie said as she zipped up her bags. She slung her backpack over her shoulder crossing her arms as she stared him down. "I know you lived through it all and everything, but not every part was about you. There's a few things you may have missed."

"Yeah, I don't think that's gonna happen." Sam shook his head.

"Just a suggestion." She shrugged. "It might open your eyes to a few things you don't understand. I get not wanting to relive those times but…if you ever decide that's something you might wanna do, hit me up. I can tell you what chapters to skip, or whatever. And, if your really curious about Dean's relationship to Castiel, 'On the Head of a Pin' is a good place to start. The torture chapters are pretty rough, and I know you'll want to skip over your parts…but the other stuff.…" she shrugged.

"Okay." He said, at a loss for more words than that.

"You ready to roll?" Dean said, from the doorway, knocking on the door frame before entering the room.

"Looks, like it." Charlie smiled up at him as he entered.

"I didn't interrupt anything did I?" Dean asked looking between her and Sam with concern written all over his face. "You guys look a little spooked."

"Ew, gross, no." Charlie said, scrunching her face at Dean's implications. "Sam, was just helping me with my bags. Right Sam?"

"Uh, yeah…" Sam said, standing up and grabbing her duffle off the bed.

"Eh, come on, you know I'm just teasin ya!" Dean chuckled, jabbing her on the shoulder playfully. "He may have the hair, but the body parts are all wrong, right?"

"Definitely." Charlie agreed.

"Come on." Dean said, tilting his head toward the door. He waited for Charlie to leave the room, then cast a skeptical glance at Sam before following after. Sam was sure he was in for an earful after she left. He began dreading it as he said his goodbyes, anticipating the lecture as he told Charlie she was welcome to comeback at anytime. But it wasn't the only thing on his mind now. After bidding Charlie farewell, he went inside, giving the two of them their time alone. He hesitated for a moment, convinced that the trials were seriously messing with his head if he was even considering this. Then again…

He headed to the library, grabbing a peice of paper and a pen on his way and sat down. 'This is just stupid.' He thought to himself as he wrote down the words 'On the Head of a Pin'. He heard the bunker door open. Dean walked up, the look on his face telling Sam that it was time for his ass- chewing, so he decided to cut it off before it could start.

He clicked the pen closed and stood up, ready to defend his actions. "Okay, look you were right. I-I should laid low. I-I know." He said as Dean approached him."I should have hung back. I'm glad I was able.."

Then Dean grabbed him. Then Dean pulled him into a hug. It wasn't at all what he was expecting. He was lost, but relieved and hugged his brother back.

Dean chuckled and patted his back before pulling away. "What do you say we find our prophet?." Dean smiled, before smaking him in the chest and walking away.

Sam was left to himself, completely bewildered by what had just occurred. Dean had certainly not been acting like himself, but this was a whole new level. Maybe there was some truth to Charlie's words? Maybe he really was just scared? Maybe Sam really didn't know everything about his brother. Now, wasn't the time to think about that, though. Dean was right, the had to look for Kevin. They had work to do. Research.

But Dean had to sleep at some point. Maybe Sam could do a little light reading in that time.

If Charlie was right about Dean being scared for him, who knew what else she was right about?

#destiel #fanfic #destiel crack #crack post #this is not at all what happened #unless

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XXXIII

It was a love story from the very beginning

In Love

(8x07)

Hello my dears! Another meta from this series, and this episode was so so heartbreaking, my friends. And written by Buckner and Leming. I know what you'll say, not everyone likes their writing, okay. But you can't deny this was one of the most heavy in Destiel content...

I want to say thank you to my beautiful friend @agusvedder . She made the first for this meta and discussed with me the episode.

Okay, let's play on!

We gotta get out of this place

People... There's a song playing at the beginning of that classic Destiel scene when Dean sees Castiel on the road...

The song's name is We gotta get out of this place, by The Animals.

And these are part of the lyrics...

In this dirty old part of the city

Where the sun refused to shine

People tell me there ain't no use in tryin'

Now my girl, you're so young and pretty

And one thing I know is true

You'll be dead before your time is due, I know

(...)

And I've been workin' too, baby (yeah!)

Every night and day (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)

We gotta get out of this place

If it's the last thing we ever do

We gotta get out of this place

'Cause girl, there's a better life for me and you

Now my girl you're so young and pretty

And one thing I know is true, yeah

You'll be dead before your time is due, I know it

(...)

Sounds like someone who was in one dirty place trying to get his love out of there, working hard to find him, because he wanted to give him a better life, or get him home... And he failed...

Mmmm who could be? 🤔

Well, so, Dean was moved by just one desire in Purgatory, find Cas and together come back to home. But this plan he had, failed.

And because he couldn't handle the pain of it... His head invented the whole context in which Castiel didn't got out from there...

And not just that, he grew a huge guilt inside his heart, because that's the only way Dean Winchester knows how to handle things. He always blame himself ...

And because he misses Castiel so much, and he feels he failed him, when this song was playing on his car, he recalled Castiel, and the longing was huge, and there you have Cas walking by the side of the road. And Dean saw him, and he tried to go back, but Cas wasn't there anymore.

When he came back to the cabin, his brother noticed the puzzled face, and this is what he said to him...

DEAN stands in the middle of the room holding a six-pack and a paper bag.

SAM You look like you've s– well, I was gonna say, "You look like you've seen a ghost," but you'd probably be stoked. Uh, you okay?

Sam saw his brother struggling with something, he was odd... So he had to ask. But the king of avoidance just said I'M COOL.

Now... When they were on the motel room, and Sam was sleeping, Dean saw Cas through the window, remember that? And his face was... Ugh... Priceless. He stood up and went to the window, but Cas wasn't there anymore.

And then Sam woke up, and he saw something was going on with his brother... His brother who couldn't sleep...

SAM Dean? What's going on? Are you all right? [He throws back the covers and sits on the edge of the bed.]

DEAN

I don't know. I just saw something.

Dean is about to open to his brother, because now is the second time he saw Cas. And he knows it was him. So, he really doesn't know why he's seeing him everywhere. Is the power of his longing that drags Castiel who's too trying to materialize in front of him.

SAM Uh, you saw what? [He stands up and walks over to DEAN.]

DEAN Cas.

This time he says it. He says his name.

SAM Cas? Where?

DEAN: Right there. And – and – and earlier, on the road. I feel like I'm seeing him.

Dean is confessing this kind of ashamed, because he doesn't know how his brother would react to this. I mean, the man is seeing Cas everywhere... What is that? It sounds so romantic that it hurts... But Sam is empathic, and he senses his brother is feeling guilty...

SAM That's... not possible. I mean, you said it yourself. You made it out and he didn't, right?

Sam is trying to made Dean to get stick to reality. Cas isn't there. You are not seeing him, you think you are seeing him, but he isn't there.

DEAN I tried so damn hard to get us the hell out of there. [He turns away from the window and walks a few steps away.]

SAM I know you did.

Sam is seeing through his brother, he sees he's suffering and part of him is in awe with such pain. So he tries to make him feel better by saying Dean did his best to save Castiel.

DEAN (with his back to SAM] You know, I could have pulled him out. I just don't understand why he didn't try harder.

Now, again, the distortion in Dean's memories, the disguise he put over the real scene. Just because is too painful.

SAM: Dean. [He walks over to DEAN, who turns to face him.] You did everything you could.

DEAN: Yeah, but why do I feel like crap?

SAM: Survivor's guilt?

IDK if Sam is suspecting here, I think he does, because the way Dean is behaving, is not just the words he's saying. There's something else there. Dean misses Castiel horribly. So he came out with the survivor's guilt, jus because is the only thing he could say.

DEAN Hmm.

Dean knows that's not because he's feeling like crap. Because he already knows he is in love with Castiel, and he wanted to bring him back home, with him. Together. Because he prayed to him every night, and when he found him, he was happy. And he worked hard to bring him back. And he failed.

SAM If you let it, this is gonna keep messing with you. You got to walk past it.

Sam is trying to give one last advice. But isn't enough...

One side love?

We all recall the scene in the bathroom, when Castiel appears. Remember this is a parallel with Bobby appearing beging Dean in the bath, because we need to make the big difference here between FAMILY LOVE and ROMANTIC LOVE.

After this we had an interrogation from Dean, who's doubting about the cause of Cas being there. Because what he remembers of that, is Castiel let him go, falling down the hill, and being weak. So Cas was weak and he couldn't make it. How he get out from Purgatory then? So he's mad. Pretty mad, he couldn't get him out, so who could?

CASTIEL Oh. I'm dirty.

DEAN: Yeah, well, Purgatory will do that to you.

He's mad, and mostly because he recalls too Cas putting a hand in his shoulder and saying those words... Thank you for everything... Dean is feeling maybe Cas didn't trust he could put him out of Purgatory... All those ideas are running his head. And he's mad.

But then, we had this jewel...

The classic boner scene, showing us Sam reaction in contraposition with Dean's. Is clear here. Dean is seeing Cas, shaved, clean and with his usual wardrobe. The Mighty Hot Sexy Angel he knew. And his reaction is awkward, he, acknowledging his true feelings now, can't stop feeling like this. Can't stop his heart anymore. Because he loves him. It will be worst now, and it will be awkward now being by his side. Because he knows he is in love with Castiel. So this reaction is showing us something had changed in Dean about Cas.

And remember Benny cleaning himself and getting out form the bath... And Dean's reaction to that? Well... Difference between FRIENDSHIP reaction, and ROMANTIC reaction. Is just perfect!

And Sam is there again registering the whole thing. Sammy knows is born slowly...

Another scene that show us Dean is acting weird because he know he loves Cas, is one of my favorites Destiel stares.

Look at this... Is amazing, because CAS is just talking about the case and the Prophets and wherever, and Dean first felt surprised because CAS is standing there close, then he just stared at him with those eyes people have when they're looking at their crushes. That heart eyes glare. Cas watches him, and then he comes back to the conversation. And Dean making the check out. Eyes-Lips-Neck. And whoa... The face after this... Is a face of realization... I'M SCREWED, I'M SO IN LOVE WITH HIM.

And one more thing about this, the motel room is Destiel color coded. Watch the walls... Green and blue flowers...

That, my friends, is the consequence of acknowledging he loves Castiel not as a bro, or as a best friend. But as a male angel.

Then... In the car, Dean recalls his fake memory about Purgatory...

He needs to clarify with CAS, so... We had this scene...

DEAN Cas, can I talk to you outside?

DEAN and CASTIEL get out of the IMPALA.

CASTIEL What?

DEAN Exactly. What? What the hell happened? Back there. Purgatory. I told you I would get you out. We were there! It was like you just gave up. It's like you didn't believe we could do it. I mean, you kept saying that you didn't think it would work. 

This is what made Dean's heart aches... Think about Castiel not trusting him. That's the daga in his heart... That's what his brain came out to, this is painful but is better than truth for him. And this is the foreshadow for the crypt scene. Dean disguising his truly feeling with words like TRUST he DOESN'T TRUST ME even than HE DOESN'T LOVE ME LIKE I DO. Is better talk about TRUST BETWEEN FRIENDS. And not LOVE. So... The trust is a replacement for being in love.

And he points there I DID EVERYTHING TO GET YOU OUT OF THERE. And he did.

I DID NOT LEAVE YOU!

His heart is a mess and his brain is giving him this ideas. Is giving him GUILT because that's what Dean Winchesters can manage. GUILT. And not a brokenheart. Not the idea of being rejected. Of being in one sided love.

We had the Moose Interruptus aaaand let's go to the second talk...

I didn't want to save everyone, I wanted to save you.

When they were out of Crowley's dominium, they had this chat outside, because CAS was feeling weak, and he didn't listen Dean's warnings.

DEAN That was a bonehead move back there. You could have gotten yourself killed. Why didn't you wait for me?

Again... The trust disguising Dean's true fears to loosing Cas.

CASTIEL Well, I didn't get killed. And it worked.

Cas is used to work alone. He's a warrior. So Dean being worried about that, he can't understand the depth of it.

DEAN And if it didn't?

CASTIEL It would have been my problem.

Cas knows Dean is feeling some kind of guilt, so he tries to bring back that matter. Because he doesn't know Dean is in love with him, so the whole situation needs to be clarify. Dying or not is my problem. Getting out fr Purgatory not not is my problem too.

DEAN Well, that's not the way I see it.

Okay... Now the card is on the table, and Cas picks it.

CASTIEL Hey, everything isn't your responsibility. Getting me out of Purgatory wasn't your responsibility.

Period. This is it. He wants Dean to figure the point out. Because he doesn't understand, if they were there, why is Dean being like this?

DEAN You didn't get out. So whose fault was it?

When Castiel heard these words he gets it. There's something wrong with Dean. He's recalling things wrong. Because he's throwing the whole bag on his shoulders... And that's not what happened. Dean has not fault about it.

CASTIEL It's not about fault. It's about will. Dean, do you really not remember?

Cas understands now, Dean disguised the memory of it.

DEAN [laughs shortly] I lived it, Cas. Okay, I know what happened.

CASTIEL No. No, you think you know. You remembered it the way you needed to.

Cas is the best psychologist ever. You invented a memory to cover the truth, because the truth is more painful.

The guilt again, he can't handle fail Cas. He just can't. He's mad at himself. But Cas will show him the true memory.

And is worts... Painful and worst...

CASTIEL See, it wasn't that I was weak. I was stronger than you. I pulled away. Nothing you could have done would have saved me, because I didn't want to be saved.

Ugh! He pulled away, rejection. He didn't want to be saved. Why? He didn't want to come back with him? With Dean? Together?? He doesn't love him the way Dean does... Is a one sided love. Cas wanted to stay in Purgatory, and he didn't want to come back with him. The truth is worst than his fake memories...

And the brokenheart is showing all over his face. It seems he is about to cry.

DEAN: What the hell are you talking about?

CASTIEL It's where I belonged. I need to do penintence, I needed to be out. And I saw that clearly when I was there. (Again... The Purity of Purgatory, Cas knew what he really wanted, like Dean knew what he really wanted. He wanted his angel) I... I planned to stay all along. I just didn't know how to tell you. You can't save everyone, my friend... though, you try.

And Cas thinks that's the pain in Dean's heart. Because he wants to save everyone. To save the world. But not now. Not back then in Purgatory. In Purgatory Dean wanted to save Castiel. Because he loves him.

And Cas knew Dean wouldn't abandon him, so he just made the way to that portal, and when he saw Dean was safe, that he will come back, he let that left him go. That's loyalty.

And Dean's heartbroken face is too much... Is really so sad. One sided love... Ugh...

To Conclude:

Dean saw Cas everywhere because he was longing so hard for him, that Cas was trying to reach him.

Cas and Sam thought Dean's pain was because the guilt he felt because he couldn't save Cas, but he disguised a more profound pain (being rejected for Castiel, one sided love) with a new less painful memory and guilt.

In this episode we had two boner scenes, that showed us a change of behavior from Dean. Dean knowing he's in love with Cas is feeling flustered and anxious. Like a teenager with his crush.

I hope you enjoy this one. See you in the next Chronicles!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname

If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous volumes, here are the links... Vol. XXXI and XXXII

Buenos Aires October 16th 2019 9:52 PM

#destiel chronicles #destiel #destiel meta #supernatural meta #season 8 meta #vol. xxxiii

[cyllaeth]

not alone in forgiving

the faithful and the blind

innocence is forsaken

l leave'em all behind

and then I see that even angels never die

There was no trenchcoat left behind this time. Not like many years ago when Castiel died trying to fix his mistake and all what's left of him was a dirty piece of fabric he wore. Dean kept it for months in the Baby's trunk. Sometimes, when he was heavily drunk, he was falling asleep clutching the trenchcoat in his hands. It helped him survive the worst moments after angel's death. It was reminder that Cas was in his life and it also kept him hoping that one day he could return it to its owner.

⚜

When Cas died again — or rather was stabbed by Lucifer — there was no trenchcoat left. It burned in the pyro along with angel's dead body. This time Dean was left with the mixtape he made as a gift. He played it every night when he was alone in his room. This time Castiel's death hit him even harder than the previous one. Maybe it was because he finally stopped denying that his feelings towards blue—eyed angel weren't platonic. Oh, he wouldn't admit it loud, especially in front of his best friend. How could he? He was only sad, deeply broken man who was raised to be a soldier. He was great at destroying and murdering monsters. And Cas... Cas was celestial being, someone pure, loving and loyal. He was too good for him. Dean's already caused him too much pain. He wouldn't give him another burden by saying the L word. He was sure that the angel couldn't — wouldn't — fall in love with him. Cas reciprocating his feelings was just a bittersweet fantasy. Still, losing his best friend drove him to the edge. It made him suicidal — probably for the first time in his life he felt like he might leave Sam because he was too tired to keep living. Hell, he actually killed himself and the only reason he came back was because Billie wanted him to. Dean was kinda pissed and annoyed with her decision; he didn't understand it. Not until the next evening when he heard hello, Dean when he picked up a call. He didn't even consider that it might've been a trap, something to lure him out. No. He was so sure that it's real Cas, his Cas that he just speeded up to the place an angel was in. He wasn't wrong; it was the same Castiel in his dirty trenchcoat and sad smile.

⚜

There was no trenchcoat left behind this time. There was only a bloody handprint on Dean's jacket and subtle scent of rain even though Cas was gone for hours. The older Winchester couldn't even move from the place he was thrown away. He was still sitting on a cold, hard floor, tears streaming down his face. Cas' words were stuck in his head like a broken record. I love you. When he heard it, his heart shattered into million pieces. He was so stunned that he didn't manage to say something. No, he actually froze when the Empty took Cas away. His angel was gone, he died not knowing that Dean loves him too. That they could've had it this whole time. The hunter lost the love of his again but this time it was far, far worse. How could he keep living and trying to fight God when Cas wasn't there? How could he do anything when the only person who gave him hope was gone? He couldn’t even pick up a phone to answer Sam's call. How could he tell him that their friend sacrificed himself again so they could go on and kill Chuck? Dean was furious, mostly at himself. Because he had spent twelve years knowing Cas, falling for him only harder and harder but not acting on it. If he only mustered up courage and said he loves him... Maybe now Cas wouldn't be in the Empty. Again. Maybe they would've find a little bit of happiness. But the angel was gone and Dean needed to face reality.

⚜

Sam and Jack found him in the dungeon where he was still sitting, touching the handprint Cas left on his jacket.

“Dean! Why the hell you...?”, yelled the younger Winchester but he quickly stopped when he saw the look in Dean's eyes. He recognized it because he had already seen this in the past. He knew what it meant. Jack also didn't need words to understand what happened. He could feel it in his gut. The nephilim just went closer and sat next to Dean.

“But... Why?” asked Sam. Even though he knew that Castiel was gone, he wasn't sure why.

“The Empty... It took him... It was the only way to... To also take Billie.”, Dean managed to say between sobs. His voice was harsh, raspy and he was surprised he was able to articulate something rather understandable.

“Oh”, muttered Jack when he collected all pieces together. “He told you about the deal with the Empty, didn't he?”

“Yeah... He did. He did it to save me.”, Dean whispered.

There was a long silence. Sam and Jack were waiting to Dean to continue but the hunter felt like he will completely break down. His hands were trembling and his breath quickened; panic started to rise in his chest. Everything what happened earlier started to dawn on him and he regretted he didn't die with his best friend.

“Okay... Dean, let's go. You need to rest, to sleep.”, insisted Sam. “And tomorrow we'll start looking for something. To bring Cas back. To bring them all back.”

Dean didn't believe him.

⚜

The next few days were full of grief and sorrow but they kept going and they were researching for something which could help them defeat Chuck. Dean did what was told to but his mind were somewhere else. He wasn't able to fully focus; Cas' words kept returning to him. I love you. He felt so much rage because Cas confessed to him only to save him. And then he left him to deal with it. Despite this, he was still praying to the angel every night.

⚜

They got unexpected help from Michael. Together they came up with a plan and met with God. Surprisingly, everything went smoothly, just like Sam predicted. Dead Michael, Chuck beating the shit out of them, Jack vacuuming his power. Simple yet effective. The plan worked out fine. The nephilim was able to bring back everyone. Everyone but Cas. Dean truly tried to be happy that Charlie, Jody, Donna, girls were alive and safe, that Sam got reunited with Eileen but he felt pang of jealousy. His love wasn't there and they still didn't know how to get to the Empty. Jack didn't have the power over there. Not anymore. The worst thing was that Dean see the angel literally everywhere. His heart was beating faster every time he saw black—haired man or he got a glimpse of someone wearing long beige trenchcoat. Cas was haunting him in his dreams. And it was getting only worse and worse. Sam yet again started to hiding the weapons and kept eye on him because he was truly afraid that Dean might've kill himself. The younger Winchester was still trying to find a way to get the angel back with a help from Eileen and Jack. He even talked to Rowena and queen of Hell promised to look out for something useful.

⚜

There was a trenchcoat this time.

It happened months after their win against God. Dean was mostly drinking and sleeping. He barely got out of bed, he refused to go on hunts. He didn't see the point of it. He was still praying to Cas — or rather talking to him. He's been telling about his love, his favourite moments of their friendship... How much he missed his best friend. He had the picture of Cas under his pillow. He took it on a hunt in Dodge City; it was shortly after Castiel came back from the Empty. Dean liked to look at it because it was his only reminder. One day he decided to get out of the bunker, maybe take Baby for a ride and do some grocery shopping. Sam and Eileen were on a hunt and Jack was in Heaven, trying to re—organize it. Hunter was really proud of him and he knew Cas would've been proud of him too. After all, Jack was a lot like him — he had a pure soul and heart and he loved humanity. He truly wanted to do a paradise — if not on Earth then at least in Heaven. He was also watching Dean most of the time but this day the older Winchester was feeling rather fine. Or not as miserable as always. He showered, changed his clothes and went to the garage. Driving the Impala made him feel almost like an old self. He quickly did the shopping, bought himself a couple bottles of whiskey and decided to go back to the bunker. It was early, spring, chilly evening and sun already went down. Dean was lost in thoughts as he was driving; when he was almost home, he noticed someone was moving on the side of the road. He could swear he saw a trenchcoat and it made him immediately anxious. He was hallucinating, wasn't he? It couldn't be him, it was not possible. They did probably everything they could but nothing was working. So it must've been a delusion, he tried to convince himself. It wasn't working so Dean turned around just to make sure he was right.

He wasn't.

The man in the trenchcoat wasn't a hallucination. It was Cas. Dean got out of the car and walked up to him so fast, he almost broke his leg.

“Cas?”, he whispered, staring at his best friend with disbelief. He wanted to do something but he was afraid that if he moves closer, Castiel will just disappear.

“Hello, Dean”, the angel greeted him like always but Dean could hear a hint of uncertainty in his voice. It was a bit worrying but he didn't care about that this moment. He took a step forward and hugged Cas tightly. He could smell him, feel his hands wrapping around him, hear his beating heart. Cas was real, alive. He was truly there. They stayed like this for a few moments. They didn't say a word but it felt like they didn't even need one. And then Dean finally did something he wanted to do for years: he kissed Cas. It was definitely better than all the fantasies he had played on his head. Cas was surprised at first but he quickly caught up and kissed him back. When they pulled away, Dean felt a bit dizzy but he didn't mind. Smile spread across his face when he looked at his angel.

“I didn't get a chance to say it back.”, he said holding Cas' hand. “But I do now. Cas, I love you too. And I'm done pretending you're just a fríend. I want you. I want us together. I want whatever we can have. I'm sorry it took me so long...”.

Cas interrupted him with a shy smile. “I know. I know all of it. I've heard you. I've heard your prayers. The Empty had heard it too. You annoyed the cosmic being so much that it decided to send me back and never meet me again.”

Dean couldn't help himself but laughed.

“Good for me then. Now let's go home and make up for the lost time.”

#supernatural #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #destiel fic #destiel ficlet #15x18 coda #supernatural coda #deancas #my attempt to write something in English #it's shitty #but here we go anyway #dunno why I even post it #lucy writes #spn fic #spn coda #my Fic

[javocjovian]

The Wendigo - PB Gift Exchange

Happy Exchange @maggiemaybe160​ !!!

I wrote this for this year’s Profound Bond Gift Exchange!!! The theme was ‘Masquerade’!

Title: The Wendigo Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21522769 Ship: Destiel Word Count: 3568 Warnings: PTSD trauma, parental abuse trauma Tags: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, past physical/emotional abuse, PTSD, Trauma, Injury, Healing, Happy Ending, Fluff, First Kiss, more Fluff, Supportive Sam Summary: Dean has a lot of baggage from his childhood. Castiel wants to help, if Dean will let him.

Beta-ed by @cozibizzle​

The Wendigo

Dean was injured. Not enough to threaten his life, but certainly enough to gripe about, especially as it was making Sam fuss unnecessarily over him.

"Would you stop already? I'm fine," Dean snapped. He was sitting on a moth eaten couch in an old cabin—one of their dad's from a lifetime ago, or so it seemed. Dean's jacket sleeve was bloody and frayed, and he had snow in his hair. Sam and Dean were both flushed from the cold.

Sam glared at him incredulously. He tossed the first aid kit on the ground at Dean's feet and stalked away.

Dean felt a sick satisfaction at making Sam mad—it eased his own pain somewhat—but it didn't last. Shame washed over him as soon as Sam left the room, and the burning pain in his arm increased tenfold. Dean shut his eyes.

 Sam and Dean came to this cabin once when they were kids. John was hunting a wendigo, but it got away. When Sam and Dean heard about similar deaths happening in the same stretch of woods, they had to come.

At least the wendigo was finally dead, Dean thought. What was one burnt forearm compared to that? Hell, they even saved the girl this time. Dean would call that a win any day. He was just tired, in pain, and he'd never wanted a drink so badly in his life. He'd apologize to Sam later.

 A rush of wintry air blew Dean's thoughts away as the cabin door opened.

Dean looked up in surprise at the messy haired, trenchcoated figure of Castiel. He looked severe—although he always sort of looked like that.

"Hey, Cas," Dean said, dropping his voice.

Castiel shut the door. "I got your message," he rumbled.

"Yeah, well, you're late," Dean grunted. "Party's over. We killed it."

Castiel looked Dean over. He didn't seem to have heard a word Dean said. He was staring at Dean's singed sleeve.

"The campers are fine, by the way," Dean added, but when Castiel only squinted harder at his arm, Dean sighed and added, "I'm good." He shifted his arm to prove it and doused the resulting pain with a rough smirk. "Why don't you go check on Sam?"

Dean could have kicked himself. Why did he have to be such an ass? He stared Castiel down, anything to avoid looking at the cabin.

Castiel seemed immune to Dean's rudeness, however. He strode over to the couch and sat down beside Dean. Despite feeling suddenly numb, the pain in Dean’s arm doubled when Castiel touched it.

Dean hissed, making Castiel look up. For a moment they made eye contact, and Dean felt his own gaze harden.

Castiel didn't flinch. He maintained his hold on Dean's arm and said, "Take off your jacket."

Dean eyed him, feeling a kick of defiance. What would happen if he refused? The impulse faded however, and he began taking off his jacket.

Castiel didn't help at all, even though Dean was sure he looked like an idiot trying to wiggle out of his jacket with only one functioning arm. It was cold in the cabin, but it felt good on his burned arm. Finally he was free and returned his arm to Castiel.

Castiel's hands were warm and surprisingly gentle as he rolled up Dean's sleeve. The burn was worse than Dean thought. He regretted pushing Sam away, and yet he knew he was doing it again to Cas by being so rude.

"Can you heal it?" Dean asked, only to break the silence.

"Yes," Castiel said softly. "But it will hurt."

 A sound from the hallway made both Dean and Castiel look over. Sam was watching them with what Dean thought was entirely too much understanding.

"Hello Sam," Castiel greeted him.

"Hey Cas," Sam replied, although his eyes were on Dean.

"What?" Dean grunted.

Sam sighed. "Nothing."

Dean glared at him, then at Cas, and said, "Just do it."

Castiel eyed Dean curiously, and Dean had to fight the urge to take his arm back. Why did Castiel have to look at him like that? It made Dean feel weak, and he didn't want that. Not there, in that cabin, with Sam's knowing gaze burning into his soul.

Without warning, pain shot up Dean's arm. The wintry air inside the cabin vanished, and it felt like all the bones in his arm had been replaced with white hot rods. He swore and grabbed onto the couch. Just as Dean was sure he would retch from the intensity of the pain, it was all over.

Dean leaned back on the couch, panting. "God dammit, Cas," he said weakly.

Something in Dean's voice made Castiel's gaze soften. Dean shut his eyes again and just focused on breathing.

It was only when Castiel shifted slightly that Dean realized he'd been gripping him, not the couch. Dean pulled his arm away reflexively. It didn't hurt anymore. He looked it over and was surprised to see his arm whole and intact. Fresh, white skin was stretched over the burn, which now looked several weeks old.

"That will fade with time. I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

Dean's expression softened. "It's good, Cas. Thanks." He flexed his hand, wishing Castiel would look somewhere else.

"Well, I'm turning in," Sam said quietly, an undeniable note of relief in his voice. "Do you want the bed, Dean?"

"No," Dean said a little too firmly.

Sam sighed again. "Alright, well, I say we head out in a few hours. Get some sleep. See you later, Cas."

"Goodnight, Sam," Castiel replied.

Dean didn't look at Sam as he walked into the back bedroom. He was gazing at the blue veins under his healed skin.

"So," Dean finally said, "are you gonna poof away now or what?"

Castiel looked surprised by the question, and it reignited Dean's shame.

"If you want me to," Castiel said simply.

Dean suddenly felt uncomfortable with himself. He couldn't stand sitting still. He got up and walked to the empty fireplace. He could feel Castiel's eyes on him as he examined an old iron poker.

"Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"Is this you?"

Dean turned to see Castiel holding a picture frame. There was a circle of dust on the side table from where it had sat dormant for decades. The picture showed a young boy holding up a fishing line with a large bass on the end. He was glowing with pride.

Dean went numb again. It was a strangely calm feeling. He walked over to Castiel, took the picture out of his hands and placed it back on the table. His eyes were set.

Castiel stared at him. "Dean?"

"What, Cas?"

"Did something happen to you and Sam?" Castiel's brow furrowed.

Dean thought about the question for a while. Finally he walked back to the fireplace and said, "I told you, we hunted a wendigo.”

"But… you prayed for my help. Why?"

Dean didn't respond.

"You and Sam clearly handled it fine on your own. Why did you need me here?" Castiel sounded pensive.

Without the pain in Dean's arm, he could feel something else aching. Stinging. Trapping his body to the floorboards of the old cabin like a rock. Dean wished Castiel hadn't healed him. He felt shaky. He shouldn't have drank all the whiskey the night before.

"Dean."

"I told you."

"You told me you were hunting…" Castiel was starting to sound annoyed now, but Dean cut him off.

"...a wendigo." Dean turned to look at Cas. He knew he'd have to do it eventually. Dean watched as Castiel's annoyance turned to concern. Dean must have looked as exhausted as he felt.

Dean sighed and knelt down at the fireplace. He took some wood they'd collected earlier and began making a fire.

"We hunted a Wendigo, Cas. Fifteen years ago. It got away. So we came back here to finish the job," Dean said. His voice was gruff and worn. He could feel Castiel squinting at him.

"What happened?"

There was no point feigning ignorance. Dean balled up some newspaper and began stuffing it under the wood before continuing. "Dad took us here when we were kids," he explained. "Sam had been hunting for about a year, and I think the thrill had worn off. He didn't want to come. It pissed my dad off so much,” Dean smiled. “Sam, he… he was a natural." Dean paused to grab more newspaper. "I wasn't. I followed my dad's every rule, and still… I had to work twice as hard as Sam. So dad said, 'fine, stay here and pout' and he took me out into the woods, alone. Now I was pissed at Sam, too.” Dean struck a match slid it under the wood. “He was just… so different from dad and I. Without even trying. You know dad, he… he never disciplined Sam like he did me." For a moment it looked like Dean hadn’t meant to say it. He bent down and blew on the flames, causing smoke to rise in serpentine spirals between the logs. He kept fiddling with it until the papers were in flames. "So Dad and I went hunting the wendigo."

"But… you didn't find it?" Castiel asked carefully. He assumed a single wendigo wouldn't be able to escape two hunters, especially not John Winchester and his son.

Dean watched the embers slowly eat the newspapers, reflecting gold in his eyes. It was cold in the cabin. Dean could feel it on his arms and face, on his frostbitten nose and ears, but it felt like someone else’s body, and the warmth growing in front of him provided no relief.

"No, we found it." Dean said, then added, "I found it."

Dean could hear a silent question hanging in the air, but Castiel didn't say anything.

"The missing campers were there,” Dean said quietly, “Well, half of them, anyway. All dead, except one. The wendigo was eating her."

For a moment, only the sound of the crackling wood filled the cabin. Dean was inexpressibly grateful for the silence.

"She was still alive. She was just lying there… gurgling… staring at me. And I…" Dean watched the flames consume the last of the old newspaper—an article about a missing blonde haired girl. "She died like that. Staring at me. I had the flare gun, but I didn't…" Dean stopped.

Castiel looked at him. Dean was outlined by the glow of the fire, his face hidden in shadow. After a long silence, Dean spoke again. His voice was shaky—Castiel had never heard a more terrible sound.

"I froze," he said simply, "and the wendigo got away. God, dad was pissed." He gave a wounded laugh. "He came running and saw me standing there. I'd never seen him so mad."

Castiel frowned. "But you were just a child. Surely he didn't blame you."

"Oh, he blamed me. I let the thing go, Cas," Dean explained, but the certainty in his voice was hollow. He stared into the flames, absentmindedly rubbing his healed arm. "We burned the campers, or what was left of them. The girl, too. And when we got home," Dean smiled darkly, "Dad, he… he whooped my ass." He tried to laugh again but the sound came out like a cough. He cleared his throat and closed his eyes, letting the orange light of the flames envelop him.

"He beat you?"

Dean nodded. "Yup. Worst one of my life. I couldn't aim a gun for a week."

"Does Sam know?" Castiel asked quietly.

Dean sighed. "Yeah. I mean, he was in the next room. He knew. Dad never laid a hand on Sammy, but…" Dean trailed off. He wiped his eyes with his palm. "It got better after that. Dad didn't… I mean, he found other ways of dealing with us." When Dean looked at Castiel, Castiel looked upset, hurt even. Dean thought he knew why. Dean got to his feet at last and brushed himself off. "The John you met, or watched, I guess, that wasn't my dad. The John who was destined to marry my mom, that wasn't my dad."

For some reason, it was these words that made Dean unable to go on. He shut his eyes, willing himself to keep steady. He would have given all the whiskey in the world to keep it together, but half of him wanted to stick his arm into the fire again and burn off the memory—burn off his fate, his curse.

It took a few minutes for Dean to collect himself, but finally he wiped his eyes and moved back to the picture frame on the side table. He picked it up. Etched on the back was a date some thirty years earlier. Castiel watched him sadly.

"This was the John you knew,” Dean told him. “The John he was supposed to be."

Dean was suddenly filled with the desire to throw the picture across the room. He wanted to know that satisfaction. To destroy it. To punish it. Instead he put the picture face down in the dust.

Despite everything that had happened at the hands of his father, the thought of John gave him strength enough to look at Castiel. Or maybe he just wanted to punish himself further. Either way, when his hazy green eyes met Castiel's blue seas, Castiel reached up and touched Dean's arm. Castiel hadn’t moved since Dean started talking. He’d barely said a word. But it seemed that Castiel was finally unable to stand by while Dean suffered alone.

Dean knew what about to happen seconds before Castiel touched him, but he didn't do anything to stop it. Castiel's warm, surprisingly gentle grip found Dean's arm, and Dean felt hot tears slide past his eyelashes, burning his frostbitten cheeks.

"You know…" Dean said, his voice choked, "The first thought I had when that girl looked at me? I was grateful.” He tried to laugh. “Grateful that Sam stayed behind. That I was the one who found the wendigo." Dean wiped his eyes with his free hand. He didn't know why he was still talking. Distantly he heard Castiel get up. "I was grateful that it was happening to me, and not Sam."

Dean looked at Castiel and, without a word, Castiel pulled him into his arms. Dean wanted to run, to fight, to do anything but stand there and sink into Castiel's embrace, but he couldn't move. He lowered his face into Castiel's shoulder and felt a warmth that no flames could provide. It pushed the cold off his skin, purging him of sin and putting him back in his body. He put his shaking arms around Castiel. For a moment, he felt no pain. His tears flowed freely but there was no shame. Dean knew what it meant, and he felt sick with himself. He wiped his eyes once more and pulled away.

"Cas… I can't," he said. He didn't expect Castiel to understand. He expected Castiel to look hurt. He expected to feel the guilt and shame he knew he deserved.

But Castiel did understand. He looked at Dean, still standing much too close to him, and asked, "Why not?"

Dean stared at him, unsure what to say even though he knew the answer. It was because he, too, was a wendigo, masquerading as the human being it once was. Consuming others to stay alive, letting people die just to hold onto that cursed life—Dean was no different. He knew his only relief, his only redemption, his fate, would be that of fire and brimstone.

At last, Dean rasped, "Because you deserve better."

Castiel looked so tired and incredulous that it reminded Dean of Sam. "Dean," he said firmly, "I don't want better. And neither should you."

Dean wanted to sink back into Castiel's warmth, even if it felt like condemning Castiel to his own fiery curse.

"Dean."

Dean looked at him and his mind went blank. It was bliss. He knew it was selfish, it was wrong, but he'd never wanted anything so badly in his life. He felt Castiel’s hand move down his arm. He felt Castiel’s fingers intertwine with his. Castiel was so close his nose could have brushed against Dean’s.

“If you and Sam have taught me anything,” Castiel whispered, “it’s that people don’t often get what they deserve. You didn’t deserve any of that. You don’t deserve the fate you’ve been given.” Castiel’s eyes were like a whirlpool, capturing Dean’s and not letting them go. “You deserve to be happy,” Castiel said firmly. “So… if you tell me what you want, I’ll give that to you. I want… I want you to be happy.”

Castiel’s gaze felt like an endless ocean, washing over Dean. After what seemed like a lifetime of silence, Dean nodded. He gripped Castiel’s hand and leaned against him, taking comfort in their closeness. "Okay."

Castiel looked relieved, and Dean knew that he understood that answer when he felt Castiel take him by the hand. Dean was grateful he didn’t have to say more. Together they sat on the couch, the glow of the flames dancing over them, and Castiel took Dean into his arms. Dean was surprised at how readily he succumbed to it. It was like coming home. He leaned into Castiel and closed his eyes. Castiel kissed Dean's head, and Dean felt an inhuman warmth flood him. He didn't think he'd ever known anything like it. It was like basking in a warm sea, each wave another beat of Castiel’s heart.

 Dean didn't remember falling asleep, but when he woke up he thought he was dead. He was enveloped in such warmth and comfort that he couldn't possibly be alive. There was no pain, only the heavenly smell of Castiel’s familiar musk and the feeling of his body breathing gently against Dean’s. Surely this couldn’t be Earth—This couldn’t be a place where demons and monsters roamed and where Dean hunted them.

It was only the realization that they were covered in a blanket, and that neither of them had gotten up to get a blanket, that told Dean he had to still be alive. Sure enough, as he came to he heard Sam packing up the Impala outside.

 It was light out and the fire had burned itself to embers, glowing faintly through the lumps of blackened wood like a burnt corpse.

Dean and Castiel had slept through the night, far longer than a few hours, yet Sam hadn't woken them. He’d put a blanket over them. It was a musty, old blanket with holes, but he knew it was the best Sam could find.

Dean felt Castiel stir. Castiel opened his bleary eyes to look at him, and Dean felt himself smile. He didn’t feel like speaking yet, so he kissed Castiel's cheek. Castiel didn't move away or say anything, but Dean felt Castiel smile. They lay like that, cheek to cheek, both awake but not speaking, just laying in each other’s arms.

The front door opened and Sam came inside from the cold. There was no mad scramble to get up, but Dean felt himself go red in the face despite the fire being out.

"Hey," Sam greeted them, his voice gentle and earthly. "I got everything packed up so… whenever you're ready."

Dean could tell Sam was eager to leave the cabin, but suddenly Dean didn't feel the same way.

Dean looked over at Sam. "Thanks, Sammy."

Sam paused, taken aback. Dean hadn't called him that in a while. Sam looked between Dean and Castiel's tousled heads and smiled, and Dean knew he was forgiven. Hell, if Sam was still with him, ready to kill wendigos and fight their fate, maybe Castiel would be alright, too.

Sam walked back outside to let Dean and Castiel get ready to leave. It was cold in the cabin without the fire, but Castiel was like a beacon of warmth, always a few inches from Dean. They didn’t speak much, but the silence was nice, Dean thought.

When Dean was ready to go, he asked, “Are you going to…”

“‘Poof away’?” Castiel smiled slightly.

Dean smiled back.

“Do you want me to?”

Dean’s smile softened. “No.”

Castiel stepped closer to Dean, looking relieved again. “Then I won’t.”

Dean knew Castiel would have been happy to just stand close to Dean forever, but Dean suddenly found himself wanting more. He leaned in and, when Castiel didn’t back away, when they were so close they could taste each others’ breath, Dean kissed him.

Dean wouldn’t have believed Castiel’s lips could be so soft. Castiel kissed him back, feeling Dean’s lips gently, curiously, and Dean felt all of his fears and insecurities wash away. The cabin was suddenly warm again and Dean’s mind drifted pleasantly into space.

It was over all too soon, but neither were in any rush to go anywhere. Dean hovered over Castiel’s lips, breathing in his scent.

Finally, Dean smiled. “There’s room in the Impala. If your wings are tired, this is.”

Castiel smiled back. “They are. Very tired.”

Dean chuckled softly. He put his arm on Castiel’s back and walked out of the cabin with him. The winter’s day was bright and tranquil. The woods were free of wendigos and more beautiful than Dean had ever realized. His boots crunched over wet, melting snow, burying the ash and rubble from many decades ago.

#pbexchangemasquerade #profound bond #supernatural #Destiel #fanfiction #fanfic #archive of our own #My writing #sarasaurusrex

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

(Vol. VII)

It was a love story, from the very beginning.

(4x22)

You have to stop it.

We have to stop it.

Hello my dear Fandom!! How are you feeling?

Ok, this is the last volume from season 4!!!!

In this one, I will talk about 4x22 LUCIFER RISING. And how our beautiful angel fell for follow his heart.

Thanks to my friend @agusvedder for the gifs you will find in this meta!

Let's start.

I'm sorry again.

Dean and Sam were separated, after a very heated fight. Dean was so worried, and he didn't know if he should call his brother or not. Bobby felt he needed to convince Dean... then... He appeared in the green room.

There was Zachariah and Castiel again in the background. Obedient. Silent.

ZACHARIAH: Lilith has to break it. She's the only one who can. Tomorrow night -- midnight.

DEAN: Where?

ZACHARIAH: We're working on it.

DEAN: Well, work harder.

ZACHARIAH: we'll do our job. You just make sure you do yours.

DEAN: Yeah, and what is that, exactly? If I'm supposed to be the one that stops her, how? With the knife?

ZACHARIAH: All in good time.

DEAN: Isn't now a good time?

ZACHARIAH: Have faith.

DEAN: What, in you? Give me one good reason why I should.

Here... Dean having faith was something new. But he didn't have faith in these manipulative angels, these heartless robots with a fancy deathly mission. He had learn to have faith in Cas. But now... Listening to Zachariah repeating the what Dean had swore in the middle of desperate situation... He remembered who made him say it...

... and Can knows too. It was him. He swore that time, because Castiel's manipulation learned in Heaven. And he feels guilty. Friends doesn't do that... But... Are they even friends?

The second time Castiel and Dean saw each other in the green room, was when Dean did this symbolic call...

Dean makes an angel fall LITERALLY, and immediately after that, look who appears behind him. You can't be subtle with this scene, they are showing us that DEAN MADE CASTIEL FALL, LITERALLY FALL, FOR HIM. But in the fall... The angel breaks... And that's the thing that will occur with CAS.

The third time Castiel appears is when Dean was trying to communicate with Sammy, using his cell phone... Cas went to him... To make a kind of apology... Parallel with that scene in 14x19 when Dean was praying and he appeared at the instant.

DEAN What are you gonna do to Sam?

CASTIEL: Nothing. He's gonna do it to himself.

DEAN: What's that supposed to mean?

(CASTIEL looks down)

Oh, right, right. Got to toe the company line. Why are you here, Cas?

CASTIEL We've been through much together, you and I. And I just wanted to say, I'm sorry it ended like this.

DEAN "Sorry"?

Castiel wanted to talk with Dean, even knowing they were watching. He knew there was something between them. Maybe friendship? Camaraderie? He didn't know what name use for this... And he was saying I'M SORRY AGAIN. Maybe not knowing why. He even had said that to Anna. And she had said to him he didn't sorry. Because he couldn't feel. Well... Now it was different... It really was...

Seeing through you

Castiel could feel in the air Dean was trying to drag him to him. And his words were intoxicating for the angel's heart. That rebellious way to find your own path. Free will. So bright, so forbidden.

CASTIEL Try to understand -- this is long foretold. This is your...

DEAN Destiny? Don't give me that "holy" crap. Destiny, God's plan... It's all a bunch of lies, you poor, stupid son of a bitch! It's just a way for your bosses to keep me and keep you in line! You know what's real? People, families -- that's real. And you're gonna watch them all burn?

And there it was again. Castiel trying to resist it and Dean fighting against orders. He could understand what Dean was saying... He knew it. It was his doubts talking again to him.

Why is Castiel saying this?? Is he seeing through Dean? Certainly he is. But... He needed to invalidate what Dean was trying to show him. He needed to low down all that Bright Lights coming from this man. He was offering something forbidden and dangerous. Free Will, rebellion. No, he couldn't. He needed to stop that. So he used this. Those hard words to make this human to shut up. To make him understand something not even he, an angel, believe. But he was a soldier. He had to obey. So yes. There's nothing there worth to be saved.

And Dean, he knows all those words are true, he knows it. And he is loosing hopes, but he keeps fighting, he knows Castiel is the only one there who can help him... He helped him once... He knows it... He feels Castiel is different...

CASTIEL: In paradise, all is forgiven. You'll be at peace. Even with Sam.

Here... Castiel look to a side... Because he knows that's a lie. He is lying. And lying to himself too...

So Dean looks for Castiel gaze again... He needed to look at him in the eye. Beacuse these two talk with their eyes. Since they first met. And Dean was honest here...

DEAN: You can take your peace... and shove it up your lily-white ass. 'Cause I'll take the pain and the guilt. I'll even take Sam as is. It's a lot better than being some Stepford bitch in paradise. This is simple, Cas! No more crap about being a good soldier. 

He turned Castiel around brusquely. HE WANTED MAKE CASTIEL SEE THE REALITY. TURN HIM BY HIS SIDE. He needed him to see. NOT MORE CRAP ABOUT TO BEING A GOOD SOLDIER.

Why you didn't help me???? Dean was pushing him again, pushing him to that dangerous path, to get close again to him.

DEAN: You know it! You were gonna help me once, weren't you? You were gonna warn me about all this, before they dragged you back to Bible camp. Help me -- now. Please.

CASTIEL: What would you have me do?

He is doubting again... This human... This man...

DEAN: Get me to Sam. We can stop this before it's too late.

CASTIEL: I do that, we will all be hunted. We'll all be killed.

Castiel knows the consequences, he has a lot to lose. A lot.

DEAN: If there is anything worth dying for... this is it.

Gif credit @magnificent-winged-beast

Look at this... At Castiel's face... The doubt... The fight inside him. The whirlwind in his mind. He can lose everything, he will fall if he follows this man. Is the most important moment in his life. Thai decision would change everything... And he can't do that. He just can't...

DEAN: You spineless... 

(DEAN turns and walks away) 

…soulless son of a bitch. What do you care about dying? You're already dead. We're done.

CASTIEL: Dean...

Castiel is in pain... Because he had disappointed Dean. But he is asking a lot from him.

DEAN: We're done!

And Castiel flew away.

The intensity of this scene is huge. And Castiel's inner fight, so painful and hard. Dean was pushing him as always... Castiel knew Dean was right... He just needed to make the hardest decision in his ancient life...

We have to stop it

Then... Suddenly...

Castiel decided, he chose free will, he chose to die for humans, to die for the Winchester. To die for Dean.

And the huge amount of sexual tension in this scene is irresistible.

Dean is aroused. Look at his face, he is amazed, he is afraid, but at the same time... He is enchanted again. He can't with himself and he drops his eyes to Castiel's lips... Yeah... Sexually aroused. The power coming from Castiel, is too much to handle. And he is helping him??? He understands the sign Cas makes him with his eyes. Yes. He is helping him. He chose him.

Dean watches in awe how Castiel draws on the wall a sigil with his own blood. So quickly, the hunter couldn't even react. Then Zachariah arrives and Castiel send him to somewhere...

And remember 4x03 the time traveling? When Cas repeated at him once and once and again YOU HAVE TO STOP IT.

And then again in 4x21 Cas said again: YOU WILL STOP HIM.

And now In this episode 4x22 Zachariah said to him YOU WILL STOP HIM.

It was always DEAN, AND JUST DEAN, THE ONLY ONE WHO CAN STOP WHEREVER TAHT IS? DEMON? LUCIFER? Well... He isn't alone anymore...

Now is a WE. WE HAVE TO STOP HIM. YOU AND ME. THE TWO OF US. From that moment on, Dean wouldn't be alone anymore, the WINCHESTERS won a loyal Ally.

And Dean maybe isn't so conscious about what had he done... He made an angel fell for him. For his insistence. For showing him the brightness of free will.

I thin the amazement for Dean about this angel haven't finished yet... Because when they arrived to Chuck's place... This is what happened...

CHUCK: Yeah, but you guys aren't supposed to be there. You're not in this story.

CASTIEL: Yeah, well...

Look at Dean's face... He is surprised beacuse Castiel's words. And he feels admiration for him. He sacrifice everything for them. And that's priceless for Dean.

Then he made another sacrifice when the Archangel arrives...

CASTIEL: It's the Archangel!

(to DEAN)

I'll hold him off! I'll hold them all off! Just stop Sam!

Yes he gave his own life...

"If there is anything worth dying for... this is it."

Dean words stayed in Castiel's heart for ever.

To conclude.

Castiel's fall with his prelude in early episode, had a intense resolution.

Dean persistence and heart speech helped Castiel to chose him and humanity over his own family.

The communication between Dean and Cas had always been his eyes... And @agusvedder wanted to share with you this observation, and that would explain the amount of gazes between Dean and Cas... The eyes are the mirrors from the souls. And Destiel was always about that. About watching at each other's hearts and souls with their eyes.

From this moment on, Castiel become the Winchesters's angel. He took a new mission. And he will show to these two men his loyalty is gold.

Thanks for read this meta, I c-u soon in the next volume starting season 5!!

C-u!! 😘💕💕

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @mrsaquaman187 @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @agusvedder @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @castiellover20 @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @cheerstofandomfamily @drsilverfish @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @hippyatheart80 @xsghn @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia

Note: if you want to be tagged in the Destiel Chronicles tag list just let me know!

If you want to read the previous volumes, the links are here:

Vol. I/Vol. II/Vol. III/Vol. IV/Vol. V/Vol. VI

Buenos Aires April 16th 2019 9:19 PM

#supernatural meta #destiel meta #destiel chronicles #volume vii #season 4 meta