#but there was no lingering resentment in the next ep

[existentialmagazine]

Review: Lupe Dragon’s newest alternative single ‘Unsaid’ carries personal but brilliantly catchy lyricism amidst a minimal soundscape

Alternative singer-songwriter Lupe Dragon hails out of Northern New Jersey, bearing nods towards artists like Ed Sheeran in her poignant lyricism and Billie Eilish in her charisma whilst carrying a completely unique flair of her own that leaves her music sure to stay stuck in your head long after listening. Since releasing her debut EP ‘Can’t Even Stand It’ in 2018, Lupe has released a mass of singles, remixes and a further acoustic EP, all met with a positive response that we can only be certain will continue for her newest offering ‘Unsaid.’

Twisting the modern pop sound into something more fluid and alternative, ‘Unsaid’ shows a creative approach to the genre that channels stylistic influence across the board. As melancholic acoustic guitar strums lead things in, there’s immediately set to be a more delicate and personal resonance to the sound of ‘Unsaid’ than Lupe’s previous releases captured simply in the tender instrument and its unfiltered rawness. A downright addictive beat is the only accompanying counterpart in the duration of the soundscape, feeling more filtered and electronically fused, evoking a bridge between sounds that are contrastingly sensitive and energetic to really urge you get on your feet and dance away the pain of the more heart-wrenching songwriting. With such minimal instrumentals, Lupe’s vocals are truly the centre of everything, commandeering the sound with a self-assurance in delivery whilst moments evidently linger with more weight and emotion. As she takes on a more hip-hop approach, lines are sung with a quick pacing that’ll easily burn them into your brain, leaving you to swiftly find yourself singing along after a mere few listens. Minimal in its elements but dominant in its performance, ‘Unsaid’ is a mighty single with a lot to give, and you surely won’t disagree after pressing play.

There’s a real rawness that lingers within the lyricism of ‘Unsaid’ , capturing emotions at their highest after the loss of an important figure within the protagonist’s life, whether that be a friend or a lover or anything in-between. Inspired by the end of Euphoria’s first season, Lupe pulled herself from a writer’s block and penned down a narrative in ‘Unsaid’ that’s sure to relate to the masses with its down-to-the-bone, truthful depiction of losing someone that was holding you together. With a void of emptiness left behind by their missing piece that Lupe’s lines attempt to smother, snippets like ‘I been drinking all this alcohol thinking it’ll fix my problems for sure, but the next morning I remember it all’ carry a harsh reality to them, resentful to quick fixes for a pain that cannot be buried in blurry nights and temporarily blocked out thoughts. The chorus adds perhaps the most poignant line of the release, ‘been addicted to the noise inside my head ever since you went around and […] left’ , feeling a little untraditionally complex and powerful in the best way possible for a moment that most would use to show off a more watered down ear-worm of a lyrical hook. In her honesty, Lupe captures the bitter numbness behind heartbreak, feeling trapped within the internal monologue of our minds and the static silence that becomes the only company tolerable in our weakest of moments. Filled with lyricism you won’t be able to stop lingering on, ‘Unsaid’ is a hauntingly vivid exploration of how much it can hurt to be human, as well as nudges towards mental health struggles that seep through Lupe’s authentic writing.

Check out ‘Unsaid’ for yourself here to appreciate Lupe Dragon’s truly striking lyrical storytelling and a beat you just won’t be able to get out your mind!

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

Photo Credits: Adelmo Natilla

// This coverage was created via Musosoup, #SustainableCurator.

#music #singlereview #lupedragon

[libertydevitto]

the timing is the only thing throwing me off like yes im sure that after months apart, they both had time to cool down and get over a good chunk of the negative feelings towards each other. especially since watts ended up saving john’s life (again) post-beatdown. but still you think there’d be some lingering resentment there, and there seems to be? i mean there are obvious reasons why they clash on this case, but they’re both deliberately antagonizing each other. brax is amping up his lingering homophobia to piss off and scare watts. but then at the end of the day he just lets watts stay. why? why?

#idk where i was going with this #originally i was trying to say that if there was more time between watts returning #and this episode #then i'd be like Oh yeah it's 100% just because brax cares about him #maybe he's just scaring him into submission like yes i know you're gay yes i could end your career in a second #so he's so pissed that he's basically stringing watts along? #but there was no lingering resentment in the next ep #so like #idk #i have no idea #i just need to take my own advice and go along for the ride and see where season 13 goes #murdoch mysteries

[multimetaverse]

HSMTMTS 2x01 Review

New Year’s Eve was a great way to return to HSMTMTS especially after such a long gap. Let’s dig in!

Vladimir Lenin once said that, ‘’ there are decades where nothing happens; and there are weeks where decades happen". It’s been almost a year and half since S1 ended but this past week has seen revelation after revelation as the fandom has resurrected itself and promotion for S2 kicked into high gear: Joshua Bassett came out, Frankie and Joe confirmed that they are a real life couple, Larry seemingly confirmed that S2 will only have 11 eps rather than the 12 initially ordered, and perhaps most importantly Olivia revealed that she and the main cast are under contract for 4 seasons and made clear that she’s leaving the show as soon as her contract is up.

I really enjoyed this premiere, it felt like picking up right back where we left off. I’m guessing that S2 was originally supposed to premiere around Christmas or New Year’s but the holiday decorations and real Utah snow add a charming aesthetic to the ep. Tim Federle deserves credit for giving HSMTMTS more of an ensemble feel which is no easy feat with a cast as large as this show has. It likely won’t last due to covid restrictions  but at least for tonight we got to see all the characters hanging out together acting like a real group of friends.

The dialogue tonight really reminded me of Glee and I think I mean that as a compliment. Miss Jenn in particular seems to be doing her best April Rhodes impression minus the alcoholism. 

The rini scenes tonight were lovely. Perfect gift was a great song and I loved the rini duet during the music in me as the world faded around them leaving just the two of them. The Harry Styles reference is funny in light of Josh’s coming out interview. Of course, it’s hard now to separate Nini and Ricky and Olivia and Josh. Their chemistry shines through as 2x01, 2x02, and possibly parts of 2x03 were filmed pre Jolivia breakup which seems to have happened around summer 2020. Whether they can keep that same chemistry later on in S2, not to mention future seasons, remains to be seen.

A major theme tonight was communication and clearly Rini need to work on theirs. Poor Ricky had to learn that Nini’s moving to Denver the night before she leaves town which has to remind of him of his mom effectively abandoning him. Ricky saying that he’s never gonna breakup with Nini ever again sure sounds like foreshadowing for a disaster though the odds that this time Nini initiates the breakup are pretty good. 

I’m glad that the show is continuing to delve in the Bowen’s divorce story with their house being sold and Ricky and his dad having to move into an apartment. Divorce is expensive and the division of assets typically leave people less well off. Mike Bowen needs to work on his communication skills but he’s rocking that beard; it takes him from depressed divorced dad to depressed divorced daddy.

Seblos was cute and in a nice change of pace Disney doesn’t seem to be cynically teasing them then cutting their scenes. It was refreshing to see them just being a couple and to hear Carlos casually refer to himself as gay. In that regard tonight’s ep didn’t seem like it was a Disney show at all and it’s major progress that there are now two main gay characters on HSMTMTS. We learn that Carlos is rich which seems likely to be a source of conflict with Seb who comes from a large farming family.

Bet on It was really fun and I liked that Ricky apparently couldn’t stop singing it. The medley of HSM 2 songs was fun but I’ll be real with you wildcats, I never thought HSM 2 or 3 were nearly as good as the first movie so I’m not sad that they’re doing something else this year.

Wild that Big Red’s mom also calls him Big Red. Salt Lake Slices seems poised to be a big part of S2 both as hangout spot and work location for some of the characters. Redlyn are sweet together but sometimes Big Red comes off as a closeted gay guy which isn’t ideal for a het pairing that is supposedly a big part of S2.

Nice to see Gina so excited to have sleepovers with Ashlyn. We know from 2x03 that Gina contends with being single on Valentine’s day and from her glances at Ricky tonight she’s clearly not over him. Tim’s playing with fire and I can only hope he knows what he’s doing. I liked the little detail of Kourtney having AOC on her vision board, it feels true to the character (hopefully AOC gets elected president one day if the USA doesn’t collapse into a fascist dictatorship or civil war before then). EJ’s beard has got to go but I like that he seems committed to being a better version of himself; very doubtful his plan to go straight to Duke like his forefathers doesn’t change by the end of the season. 

Derek Hough did a good job of playing Zach as a subtly condescending man who managed to swiftly undermine Miss Jenn’s confidence, we’ll see what he and North High bring to the table.

Looking Ahead:

Next week are auditions for Beauty and the Beast, we know Ashlyn gets the role of Belle and EJ has conveniently removed himself from the running for Beast which presumably clears the path for Ricky to take the lead. There’s been some controversy over the casting choices and I’ll save my comments about it for the 2x02 review.

We get to see Lily who looks like a meaner version of season 1 Gina, we’ll see how much depth she actually ends up getting. Howie is introduced in 2x03 and Antoine likely shows up later on. Jack likely shows up towards the end of the season.

Howie seems to have a connection with Kourtney though the character synopsis does say he gets close to a wildcat or two which certainly leaves room to slide him into Gina’s plot. We know Antoine is into Ashlyn so that’s another love triangle to look forward to. Jack was described as having wanderlust and most of the cast seems not to have filmed with him so I think it’s likely that he plays a role in convincing EJ to take a gap year rather than head straight to Duke. 

A translation leak on TikTok reveals that in 2x03 Gina is sad that she’s only gotten a Valentine’s Day gift from her mom. A brief clip from the promo shows up her on her porch at night holding a heart shaped box of chocolates. If that’s supposed to be from a secret or semi-secret admirer than it has to be from either EJ, Ricky, or Howie. If it’s a platonic gift then it could be from anyone, we’ll see what Tim has up his sleeves.

Nini moving back to SLC is a question of when not if. It’s going to be very difficult to bring her back in a way that’s justified and also doesn’t leave the time she spends in Denver looking like a total waste. Frankly, I’d rather the show just bite the bullet and bring her back with as little fuss as possible.

We’re possibly around a quarter way through HSMTMTS given that the mains have 4 season contracts and presuming that the show is not cancelled earlier. At the very least the show will be radically different after S4 if they try to continue it as Olivia has made very clear that she’s going to leave asap to pursue her burgeoning music career full time (notably she’s only done the bare minimum of promo for S2). 

Looming over the remaining seasons of HSMTMTS is what the professional relationship between Olivia and Josh looks like especially since in many ways the show is built around Ricky and Nini. Off screen relationships have often caused on screen problems and dating a co-worker is rarely a good idea since even clean breakups leave lingering resentments. Obviously the Jolivia breakup was not clean, Driver’s License, Deja Vu, and Good 4 U (which is a certified bop) were clearly written from a place of hurt and in some ways were written to hurt. It’s no surprise that Joshua has dropped his duet with Sabrina Carpenter from his EP; someone on his team at least is trying to stop the damage to his reputation. There’s a decent chance that Olivia’s songs becoming such hits has irreparably damaged Joshua Bassett’s reputation among the same pool of largely young women that he’s targeting his music towards thereby cutting off his music career at the knees. If nothing else this behind the scenes drama should keep things entertaining for a while.

Until next week Wildcats 

#HSMTMTS #Rini #Seblos #Ricky Bowen #Nini Salazar-Roberts #Carlos Rodriguez #Seb Matthew-Smith #Gina Porter #ej caswell #HSMTMTS Reviews

[beyond-far-horizons]

Analysing the Zutara Cave Scene from a Writing and Psychological perspective

Forgive me, I’m an enthusiastic newbie to the ATLA fandom and Zutara (mainly because I knew the ship was perfect for me but was not canon and so I held off watching it for years.) So I know you’ve heard it all before but I wanted to break down this famous scene in more depth from my background as both a writer and a student of psychology. It’s also important since the age old ship wars are being resurrected (which I want no part of) and Zutara and this scene has been looked down on and belittled from some quarters. 

Warning - Wall of Text TM incoming!

The main thing that gets most people is these mortal enemies going from hating each other to being open and vulnerable in about five minutes of screen time. I get the impression more time and therefore more conversation has gone on off screen, but it’s amazing that Katara goes from tirade at the literal face of the Fire Nation (a country whose plagued her people and killed her mother, and Zuko himself who has hunted her and her friends, captured her at least twice and has had several intense fights with her) 

to tenderly touching Zuko’s face and “let me use our one of its kind Holy Water TM to maybe heal your face.” 

Also as others have pointed out Zuko lets this ‘peasant’ (who defeated him, wounded his pride and foiled his lifelong goal several times) touch his scar when he doesn’t let anyone else do that at this point, even girls he’s been close to. 

I doubt many Zutara shippers think this happened because the two suddenly decided the other was hot, even though there might be an unconscious physical attraction under all the animosity. But no-one can deny the writers were trying to show a shared connection that makes them open up to each other. That to me makes the relationship much deeper whether it’s platonic or romantic. 

Katara, despite her understandable rage at Zuko, is surprisingly open to forgiving and helping him as soon as he  -

a) mentions they have something in common - the Fire Nation being responsible in some way for the loss of their mothers.

b) his resolution to make his own destiny and overcome his difficult past associated with the scar.

I just love this about her character. She’s passionate, feisty and full of integrity but she can’t stop herself wanting to help make things better, even to one of her worst enemies. Her compassion is such a strength and it comes out even more when she realises she’s accidentally hurt his feelings re his face.

Zuko in turn is softer with her than I’ve ever seen him with others, even Iroh most of the time. He doesn’t get angry or even really defensive and he opens up about his mother for the first time. Extraordinary considering he’s talking to an enemy.

But this isn’t the first time he’s tried to win Katara over against his normal combative persona. When he captured her in Ep 9 you’d expect him to threaten her, especially surrounded by his men and bloodthirsty pirates. Instead he asks for her understanding and tells her (the little peasant and enemy of the Fire Nation) about his lost honour.

He then goes momentarily into full skeevy villain mode (which I loved) and offers her necklace back by placing it round her neck. (As an aside, yes this was totally the wrong tactic considering it was her mother’s who the Fire Nation killed, but I do love that he unknowingly offered her a Water Tribe betrothal necklace.)

Analysing it more deeply from a writing and psychology perspective, I’d say Katara represents the integrity and vulnerability that is at the core of Zuko’s character - the thing that got him that scar and banishment from his warlike family. 

The same side he struggles with and that Iroh tries to heal and encourage within him. It’s masterly from a writing POV that they brought this mirror up and allowed Zuko to connect and own this aspect of himself again briefly before Azula (the opposite representation and Zuko’s ‘shadow’) literally crashes the party. This is truly his ‘crossroads of destiny’, raising the stakes and therefore making us  - the audience - ache all the more when Zuko makes the wrong but understandable decision to choose Azula and his family’s version of him and betray not just Katara but Iroh too (dat angst.)

(As an aside look at the framing of the above shot. They do this alot showing him literally caught between two sides. In the previous scene with Azula and Iroh, they show both the unscarred and then scarred profile of Zuko to show the ‘two sides of him’ symbolically represented by Azula and Iroh.)

Two sides, Fire and Water, the battle of opposites and the bringing of balance is of course the core of ATLA, and Zuko and Katara’s fraught relationship sums this theme up perfectly. Another reason so many still ship them and feel aggrieved by the non-canon ending. 

I think Zuko is so wounded by Katara’s refusal to forgive him and so determined to earn that forgiveness is because she represents his true ‘honour’ - the right way to be - to fight for balance and justice with integrity no matter what. Thus he must make amends to her, not just as someone he has wronged, but as the mirror of that aspect in himself. 

Thematically this is tied up beautifully in him asking her to join him to defeat Azula in the final season and them working together to do so. 

(As another aside, the theme of balance and Yin and Yang is also mirrored in Zuko and Katara’s relationship and character development. At the start Katara is the caring, altruistic almost motherly sort and Zuko is the angry, aggressive pursuer. However like Yin and Yang that contain an aspect of the other within them, whenever Katara meets Zuko she becomes more aggressive and is allowed to process her grief and anger, unlike with her friends. Zuko, in turn is often softened by her, reawakening his compassion and deeper feelings. Yes these aspects are also fostered by others, but Season 3 highlights this dynamic to Zutara allowing Katara to address her anger and Zuko to practice caregiving and support.)

Coming back to the Cave Scene -  the most poignant part for me isn’t actually the face touch (even though I love it). It’s the final glance between them as Katara and Aang leave. Katara looks back worried, it’s as if she can sense the threshold Zuko is on and feels torn between staying and supporting him and her duty to Aang. I feel if they had had more time together Azula would have had less chance to turn Zuko. 

He looks back at her softly and there’s a beautiful musical cue, hinting at things unsaid and unfinished, she gives him a final lingering glance, still anxious, then goes. 

We all know what happens next. 

Conclusion

Looking at this from a purely plot point of view it - 

raises the emotional stakes and therefore make Zuko’s betrayal hurt worse.

Sets up Zuko knowing about Katara’s healing abilities and Spirit Water so he knows there is a possibility the Avatar could be saved. This all plays into the shenanigans of Book 3, letting Zuko go back to the Fire Nation, Azula giving him the credit and then letting down her father etc.

Giving Zuko more character development work to earn everyone’s trust esp Katara’s when he finally makes the right choice.

However I’m surprised that Bryke didn’t realise how this episode would look to the eyes of most fans esp Zutarians. Yes you could say it’s hetero-normative and why can’t they be just platonic etc but it was the Noughties, it’s a kids show and they are blatantly playing into those well known tropes - Zuko’s previous verging-on flirtatious treatment of Katara, his uncharacteristic softness and openness with her, her touching his scar, the music, their lingering glances, Aang’s jealous look (you could argue it was animosity towards his enemy but while we get this from Zuko, it is definitely played as suspicion about a potential rival so close to ‘his girl’ from Aang’s side.)

Ultimately the writers didn’t choose the romantic route, which I feel is a real shame and missed opportunity because of the depth of feeling and potential there. But what I really resent is when people act like Zutarians were stupid and/or biased for seeing and loving that potential. I hope this analysis has shown that the romantic subtext was strong (and much more believable for me than with Katara and Aang) and in line with the core themes of ATLA itself. This also refutes the suggestion that Zutara was somehow dark, toxic or shallow cos ‘he’s a bad boy’ or something. 

Zuko was owning his own struggles, emotions and destiny in this scene, it’s why Katara finally opens up to him. She doesn’t have to ‘do the work for him’, but she supports him in it as he supports her later on when he earns her forgiveness. And that’s why I love it!

Thank you for coming to my TED talk...

#zutara #zuko #katara #atla #avatar the last airbender #meta #my meta #my writing #long post is long #wall of text tm #anti-kataang #better put that in there even though I don't really go into the rival ship #antis please don't interact I respect your right to ship let's be civil

[curiosity-killed]

a bow for the bad decisions

canon-divergent AU from ep. 24 (on ao3)

part 1 | part 2 |  part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9 | part 10 | part 11 | part 12 | part 13 | part 14 | part 15 | part 16 | part 17 | part 18

The office still looks the same. In the space between blinks or in looking up from the desk, he keeps expecting to see Uncle Jiang behind the desk instead of Jiang Cheng. The dissonance leaves him a little unsteady, like he has to blink away the afterimage to see the present. He doesn’t mention it. No sense troubling shijie and Jiang Cheng with it. It’s not the only ghost lingering in his periphery anyway. “Yu Bujue can take over the upper level cultivation lessons,” Jiang Cheng says, “and Cao Xingtao is strong enough to take over the sword lessons.” He hates this, this calm delineation of his own weaknesses. These have been his duties since he was fifteen, since he passed half their own teachers and stepped fully into his role as Head Disciple. He’s supposed to be the one training their disciples, running them through their paces and building them back up stronger. He hunches a little into his shoulders, fiddling with Chenqing’s tassel. He doesn’t have room to object, he knows. He’s the one who told them how useless he was. They’re only doing what’s right, taking care of Yunmeng Jiang.

“Rumors are going to start if your da-shixiong is passing off all his work,” he points out.

This is why it would be easier if he just left. If he passed out of Lotus Pier in the night, he could just disappear into the shadows, let the resentment dissolve him into ash. Everyone the world around knows how inconsistent and capricious he is now. Sure, there’d be plenty to say about his own character, but at least it wouldn’t come back on Lotus Pier. At least they wouldn’t have to deal with his own shortcomings. “You said you had some ideas about defensive arrays,” Jiang Cheng says. “Defense is a higher priority than teaching a couple lessons.” Wei Wuxian stills, studying his brother. He can’t seriously be suggesting Wei Wuxian use demonic cultivation here in his own home. It was one thing during the war; Jiang Cheng has always been pragmatic, strategic in his own way. They were fighting a war and Wei Wuxian was a weapon, no matter how unsightly or unorthodox. No one looked too hard at the blood on a blade as long as it was pointed in the right direction. “You’d have demonic cultivation in Lotus Pier?” he asks carefully. Jiang Cheng catches his eye and shrugs, uncomfortable, as he looks away. “The old defenses weren’t strong enough. I promised I’d never let anyone take Lotus Pier again. So,” he says. He clears his throat. “Anyway, if our Head Disciple is the grandmaster of a whole cultivation path, it’d be dumb not to use it.” Something warm and unfamiliar uncurls in Wei Wuxian’s chest, more comforting than any embrace. He swallows and gives a short nod instead of saying any of the ridiculous things that press against the back of his throat. “Don’t do any dumb shit, I mean,” Jiang Cheng adds brusquely, “and tell me what you’re doing so it doesn’t backfire and kick your ass.” He laughs, and shakes his head. He’s had his ass thoroughly kicked by resentful energy, and he knows it would flatten Jiang Cheng if it wanted to. Still, he’s — touched by the trust. “Alright,” he agrees. “You could also teach some of the classes that don’t require as much spiritual energy,” shijie says. “The early classes on meditation and the talisman courses. It might help with rumors, and it could help stabilize your qi as well.” She sits primly on the third side of the desk, hands folded neatly in her lap and expression solemn. He forgets, some times, that she was there for all the war too. It’s easy to do when the marks of violence are so much starker on Jiang Cheng and the rest of them. He’s grown used to seeing his brother steeped in blood, grown familiar with the cold flat look in his eyes when he kills someone. Shijie isn’t half so obvious. She still smiles for them, still mothers them with that soft love she’s wielded for nearly as long as he remembers. Her scars are subtler, tucked in the tight frown she wears now as she contemplates their next steps and the quiet tears he’s caught her shedding a few times when she doesn’t realize he’s passing by. He and Jiang Cheng were out killing men on the frontline, but she followed in their aftermath, trying to hold together the wounded and dying. He wrinkles his nose, releasing Chenqing. Across the desk, Jiang Cheng’s expression is equally doubtful. “Meditation?” he says. “Shijie, I got kicked out of our meditation classes more than anyone in the history of Yunmeng Jiang.” A smile quirks at the corners of her lips, but the look she turns to him isn’t the fond exasperation he expects. There’s something knowing, something tinged with sadness, instead. “You meditated during the war,” she points out gently. This time, he’s the one to look away. He’s been trying to keep everything tucked away since he came back. It’s one thing for them to know he doesn’t have a golden core anymore, but he will not tell them about the Burial Mounds, about the resentful energy still spooled in the marrow of his bones. It lies quiescent and idle as long as his own emotions aren’t drawing on it, and he can stop that either through white-knuckled control or through the hazy buffer of liquor. He couldn’t afford to loosen his grip during the war, so he’d meditated to fine tune and strengthen his grip. Now, though — now he doesn’t want to have control over it. He doesn’t want to have to spend his every hour painfully conscious of the resentment that moves through him, alive and vicious and waiting. “Alright,” he agrees reluctantly. “Fine.” There’s a small quiet after his concession before shijie reaches out and gives his wrist a squeeze. He glances up to see her offering him a softer smile, reassurance. Releasing his wrist, she turns back to the papers laid out on Jiang Cheng’s desk. “Outside of Lotus Pier, there are still challenges from the other sects,” she points out. “Jin Guangshan’s frothing at the mouth to get that amulet,” Jiang Cheng agrees. Immediately, Wei Wuxian’s hackles rise, hand tightening around Chenqing’s neck. “He can’t have it,” he says flatly. “I’ll destroy it before he can touch it.” He doesn’t know how to explain the amulet to them. It and Chenqing were made of the yin iron sword just the same, but they’re wholly different beasts. Chenqing is his. She hums under his skin, a needling purr, hungry and ready at his call. The amulet is…different. Other. It’s more the sword than anything else and it still retains that presence. He can wield it, use it, but it’s borrowed power. It remembers what it was like to unmake him, and its teeth trace lovingly against the tender skin of his neck. It remembers their promise, their bargain. It waits. “Of course,” Jiang Cheng says, waving off his answer like it was obvious from the start. “But the fact remains the Jin Sect came out of the war nearly unscathed. They’re strong enough to take us down with one hand behind their back. And it’s not like you made a lot of friends in the war who’ll stand up to stop them.” Wei Wuxian purses his lips, annoyed that Jiang Cheng isn’t wrong. “We need alliances,” shijie says. Jiang Cheng sighs, presses a thumb into the ridge of his eye socket like he’s warding off a headache. Wei Wuxian sympathizes. He’d rather fight another legion of cultivators than wade through the tangled net of politics. “Lanling Jin’s already wrapped everything so well around them with Gusu Lan and Qinghe Nie,” Jiang Cheng says. “We should’ve petitioned for Wei Wuxian to be granted sworn brotherhood, too, I guess.” “Me?” Wei Wuxian asks, startled. “But you’re the sect leader, it would’ve made more sense for you.” The look Jiang Cheng shoots him is scathing. “Who took Nightless City?” he snaps back. “We weren’t winning the war till you came. Three months of skirmishes didn’t give us much in the way of victory.” He subsides at that, feeling strangely chastised by the praise. Shijie frowns, her lips pressing together in thought. “It won’t hold the political strength of a sworn allegiance,” she says, “but you were both close with Nie Huaisang before the war. Chifeng-zun has always cared deeply for him. Perhaps you could rekindle that friendship. He could visit Lotus Pier for a time.” Sourness rolls unsteady deep in stomach at the mention of Huaisang. The three of them spent childhood summers together, towed back and forth between Qinghe and Yunmeng depending on the year. He remembers dunking Jiang Cheng under the lake water and Huaisang squealing when they teamed up to drag him into the water. He remembers laying on his belly, feet waving in the air, beside Huaisang as they painted mountains and clouds and each other. He can’t remember the last time he lifted a brush to paint anything but talismans, to create anything but ruin. The last time he saw Huaisang, he’d flinched away, shuddered up a fearful barrier between him and his old childhood friend. Guilt is an uneasy squeeze under his ribs. “And a-Xian,” shijie says, turning to him, “you should talk to Lan Wangji.” He balks, recoiling. “Lan Zhan?” he demands. “What— why?” He hasn’t spoken to Lan Zhan since the war, since the fall of Nightless City. There’s no point to it anymore, he thinks and stubbornly ignores the way his heart twists. Shijie looks at him with endless patience. “I thought you two were close friends and confidants,” she says and doesn’t give him a chance to protest. “He was dedicated in helping you during the war.” “To exorcise the evil out me,” he scoffs, looking away. “So I should tell him everything so that the great Hanguang-jun can come save this feeble man from my own wickedness?” Bitterness scrapes across his tongue, sour speckling his throat. He once thought Lan Zhan was his equal, his match. Now, he thinks of his scowl, his voice coming hard and reproachful and all the times he said that he was committing evil, practicing wicked tricks that would leave him burnt and ruined.    Telling him he has no core, that he is broken in a way no song of healing or clarity can remedy— No. Wei Wuxian knows he wouldn’t be able to stop there. If he let Lan Zhan close enough to tell him that, it would all spill out of him, all this bad blood clotted up in his heart. He would drain himself dry, and there would be nothing left when Lan Zhan inevitably recoiled, horrified and disgusted, and turned his back. He won’t do it. He can’t. He’s too selfish. He can’t have Lan Zhan’s friendship the way he once did, but he’s not strong enough to end it for Lan Zhan, to provide him this easy justification for walking away. He can’t bear to see those dark eyes wide with pity, not for him. He’d rather be hated than pitied. Rather bite back than open up his tender underbelly.

#mdzs #the untamed #cql #untamed fic #yunmeng sibs #my writing #the MUTUAL PINING BEGINS #this was a motherfucker to write #and i'm not wholly satisfied but whatever #we are not worrying about perfection here! #i say while smacking my own hypercritical tendencies over the head with a folding chair

[wellhellotragic]

Mum’s the Word

Surprise? Here’s a short little epilogue to the epilogue for If Looks Could Kill.

There had been joy. In that moment when she’d heard it for the first time, that she was pregnant, she’d seen the way Killian looked at her and she’d been swept up in him and his happiness. She’d laughed as he picked her up and spun her around, nearly immediately apologizing and placing his hand in her stomach as he set her down, as if that might somehow protect their child from the world. He proposed then and there, knee bent to the grimy floor of the emergency room, but she’d declined, telling him that she refused to marry him simply because he believed it to be the honorable thing to do. If they ever got married, it would be because it was right for them, not because he’d knocked her up.

They’d gone home that night with strict instructions for her to rest and ice her head. Both of them laid in bed, Killian talking about hiring a guy to come do some renovations to the house, to make it more child friendly. But as he fell asleep next to her, she was wide awak, his words played on repeat in her head. The talk of electricians, furniture, non toxic paint. It had all been foreign to her. Things she never even would have considered.

That joy she’d felt was soon replaced by doubt. A small seed in the beginning, growing until the roots had taken hold of her. She’d never had a mother. At least, not as a small child when she needed one most. She didn’t know about cradle cap or colic. The first time she’d heard the baby’s heartbeat she’d worried that it was so fast, thinking something wrong.

She wasn’t fit to be a mother. She felt it in her bones and that led to it’s own form of hell. The guilt a silent noose around her neck.

He’d found her crying one night. She’d made sure to go into another room, tucked away in a closet, but he’d found her anyway. That night he’d forced the words from her lips. She ones she tried to hard to bury in the back of her mind.

She couldn’t be a mother.

That night he’d cried too. Partly because he feared she didn’t trust him, partly in anger at her for keeping more secrets, the wounds still lingering from her deceptions early on. But mostly because he felt like he’d let her down. That he hadn’t done enough to build her up, to make her believe in herself. He’d told her how no one ever felt like they were worthy. He’d reminded her of all of the baby books on his nightstand, his own self doubts finally bubbling to the surface. He could barely remember his mother, and whatever he remembered of his father was unpleasant at best. He’d grown up far too fast, a drunken wonderboy. He felt just as lost as she did.

It got easier after that. The doubts and dread, her own insecurities still lingered, but she wasn’t alone anymore. Hadn’t been for the better part of a year. She didn’t go to him with everything, but with enough that the overwhelming fear no longer consumed her. Holding some things in still. Old habits were hard to break

The months passed and the baby grew. The nursery next door to their own room filled with furniture. The walls painted black and white. They’d found out ages ago that they were having a little boy. Killian had been intent on painting everything blue, but Emma objected, wanting something more modern. A few hours and a thousand pinterest images later, Killian had relented.

In the time since they’d lived there Killian had built an addition in the back. A shed to the less assuming eye, to blend with the look of the rest of the neighborhood, but it was soundproofed. The perfect place for a studio. His hand still hurt from time to time, but he could play a few songs at a time before needing a break. He’d never go on tour again, something she was secretly grateful for, selfishly wanting him to always be near her, but he could still compose. His first solo EP was nearly complete. He was a perfectionist though and claimed it still needed work.

It wasn’t long before she was showing and placed herself on desk duty. She’d fought it as long as she could but after watching Arthur take a rolling pin to the face during a domestic squabble, she knew she couldn’t be out there. Could put her child in harms way.

Ironically, it was also the first time she’d really felt like a mother. That instinctive need to protect the life inside her.

The search for an additional deputy had taken time. She’d even gone as far as asking Ruby, but small city life wasn’t an appealing option for her friend. Emma couldn't blame her. Ruby had always been meant for something bigger. Even James had briefly considered it as well, but the promotion the FBI offered him was too good to pass up. She turned down five local applicants for reasons she couldn’t quite explain to Killian or Arthur. Killian called it stubbornness, but she just had a gut feeling that the men weren’t right. Eventually though, her determination and desperation paid off in the form of a man named Cyrus. A recent newlywed that had just moved to town.

She continued to work as long as her body would allow her, but after Phineas’s due date came and went, Emma grew irritable, so much so that she thought she might actually snap Leroy’s arm in half during one of his weekly cell visits. It was Arthur that had stopped her, but Cyrus was the one that convinced her that it was time for her maternity leave to start. That the station would be in good hands without her.

Finn missed his due date by three weeks, and Mother’s Day by two. A month later, Killian got to celebrate his first Father’s Day and Emma tried not to resent him for it. Raising Finn was terrifying. The first time he choked on his formula she panicked, trying desperately to remember what the books had told her to do. After that, she made sure to keep a bulb nearby everytime she fed him.

It wasn’t all bad though. They did tummy time together. She got his first smile. They both got his first laugh. Neither were there for the first time her rolled over. She swore she was his first word, even if Killian grumbled that it was just a babbling noise that sounded like mama. That his kid was half English so he’d never say mama anyway. She’d laughed at how ridiculous he sounded and went about her day.

When her turn at her first Mother’s day came around, she knew Killian had something up his sleeve, just not what. She’d been in the hallway when she’d heard him whisper “but mum’s the word.” When she questioned him over dinner he told her that a man was entitled to his secrets.

Her special day started off with breakfast in bed, served to her by Killian and Finn dressed in a tuxedo onsie. It was a homemade bearclaw shaped more like the number three than a typical paw, but the taste was fantastic. Killian had really come into his own in the kitchen.

Later that day they went to the park where Killian had surprised her with a family photoshoot. The photographer had been great, doing her best to capture candid photos of the three of them. Emma had seen a few of the unedited pictures on the camera and couldn’t wait to get them blown up and framed.

Even better still came a few hours later, when Killian dropped her off at a local coffee shop, telling her to take some time off to herself. She’d been perplexed at first, until she went inside and found a certain brunette waiting for her by the counter. She hadn’t seen Ruby in months, the few calls and facetime videos they’d tried were always cut short by Finn’s eager lungs. The two of them spent over an hour talking and catching up, uninterrupted before Killian picked her up again, the two women promising to make more time for each other.

They went home and the three of them took a short nap together. They played and watched Finn’s favorite cartoons. They ate dinner and Killian drew Emma a bath while he cleaning up the kitchen and readied their son for bed.

The day had been perfect, but nothing compared to what came later, when Emma went to kiss Finn goodnight. He was wearing a new onsie, one she’d never seen before. One that someone had made special. She read the words on it, a gasp leaving her lips as she turned to look at Killian, down on one knee again.

Will you marry my daddy?

“Well love, how about it?”

#If Looks Could Kill #ilck #cs fanfic #captain swan ff

[theangelmojo]

Watching mdzs for the... idontknowwhatnumberitis-th time, and

I just noticed that in ep 2, where Lan Qiren is picking on Wei Ying in class (for being, well... Wei Ying), he poses a scenario for him to decide what he’d do in that situation, and the description is:

“There was an executioner with parents, a wife, and children. He executed over a hundred people in his lifetime. He died a sudden death, his body left on the streets for 7 days. With the build-up of resentful energy, he started to haunt and kill. What should be done?”

...

I don’t know about you, and whether or not it is just me nitpicking at details (because there are a delightful abundance of symbolism and easter eggs all over the place) since this is the nth watching, but does this not sound like a description of Wei Ying to you?

Like, not exactly, but:

“An executioner” = a job which requires killing lots of people, questionable whether it has an effect on a person’s conscience, stigmas against death associated with it, tends to require a certain type of person -> Yiling Patriarch

“Parents” = ok, so Wei Ying’s have always been dead, but at one point he had pseudo-adoptive/fostering-parents. They’re also dead now too, but still -> Jiang clan

“A wife” = ...ahahahahaha! So the norm is to put Wei Ying in that descriptor, but in any case, shall we say spouse? No doubts who that one is.

“Children” = ok this one is in italics purely to convey me being utterly distraught. My poor sad babies. Technically this one could just be Lan Sizhui, but there are other delicate, sweet, innocent people I can think of who Wei Ying took under his wing. Do I need to name this sweet cinnamon roll or is it implicitly understood?

“He executed over a hundred people in his lifetime” = no actual headcount but pretty sure that one’s a yes

“He died a sudden death, his body left on the streets for 7 days.” =  if 7 days equals 13 freaking years then also yes. The sudden death part... idk. I’d actually interpret that part to be referencing more the suddenness of the deaths of the people around Wei Ying during the Sunshot Campaign, which leads onto the next point...

“With the build-up of resentful energy, he started to haunt and kill.” = so this is where my whole shitpost is stretching, but that’s where I take the “sudden death” part and link it to this part, because all those losses are arguably what built up inside Wei Ying (whilst he was alive though) and lead to his demonic cultivation, wherein he later haunted and pretty much slaughtered the Wens

“What should be done?”

Immediately after this, the scene cuts to Nie HuieSang. Ain’t gonna expand on that point, but the significance is like, poignant.

Then Lan Qiren asks for Lan Zhan’s answer, which is:

“First, liberate him. Appeal to his sentiment towards his family. Grant his dying wish and relieve any lingering obsessions. If it fails, suppress him. If his crimes are grave and resentful energy persists, exterminate him. Cultivators should abide by this in their exorcisms without fail.”

The first three sentences are like, check - check - and check. 

Wei Ying’s memory issues sort of liberate him when he is reincarnated, in that he has a sort of buffer so that he doesn’t keel over immediately upon returning to the mortal plane from all the angst he has accumulated in his previous life. It sort of frees him to approach his new, second life with more of a stable mindset.

His sentiment towards his family? You don’t need to appeal to Wei Ying for that. He does that all on his own. Even with the memory issues, his gradual recollection brings with it his characteristic sense of duty towards them.

Grant his dying wish and lingering obsessions -- not gonna expand on that either. 

...

Is my shitpost valid, guys?

Am I overthinking/overanalysing a really pointless thing?

Well, I know I am, but I can’t help but admire the set-up of all the episodes in the donghua. The director/scriptwriters/whole friggin team who made this series are geniuses. After watching DongHua Reviews on Youtube dissect this masterpiece and, frankly, cry over its beauty, I’m in the mood to put on the binoculars and examine MDZS to a molecular level.

Because I ain’t had enough of this series, but I’m too lazy to start reading the novel seriously. 

#mdzs #mdzs spoilers #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #wei ying #wei wuxian #lan zhan #lan wangji #lan qiren #lan sizhui #wen yuan

[webuiltthepyramids]

I walked in on the last scene of white out and it honestly just made me so mad because that big “we are all so happy to be with each other” family stuff just hasn’t happened without some sort of lingering tension in so long and I just want them to get that back can they please get that back I miss when Scorpion was openly and proudly and happily a cyclone as well as a team.

#cbs scorpion #like last ep was GREAT #but there was still the whole paige resenting walter thing lingering beneath it #and the halloween party was great but tim and the marriage still lingered over it #they're defintiely still a family and never stopped being one #but #i just want good and pure and everyone loves everyone rooftop parties again IS THAT TOO MUCH TO ASK #this ep may have been the last time they were truly like that #because the next ep the speed dating started then came quintis vs walter and then tim showed up #and there was tension the entire tim period #and while he was there we had the walter/happy marriage and the faux pregnancy and all the rest of that mess #so basically it made me mad because I WANT THAT BACK

[eponymous-rose]

Talks Machina Highlights: Episode 94

Denise message: “MY WORDS ARE A SPELL I’M CASTING ON YOU ALL”

Everybody will be in next week’s ep for the continuation of Liam’s one-shot!

If Pike had been in the Nine Hells, Percy probably would’ve signed the contract secretly as opposed to up-front. She’s the only one who can actually evoke shame in them at this point.

Taliesin was planning the entire time to scry on Scanlan and has been trying to make an excuse to steal the Scrying Eye for weeks.

Pike’s moment with the earring, talking to Scanlan, was 100% improv.

Laura suspects Sam wouldn’t have been able to pull off Scanlan’s departure if Pike had been there. As it was, after the show went on break, Sam felt so bad that he ran over and gave a hug to everyone. If he’d made Pike cry, according to Laura: “he’d be UNFORGIVABLE.”

Taliesin semi-bullshitted the Grey Hunt stuff and Matt rolled with it. Taliesin gave him a ride to the airport the next day and they talked about how much they enjoyed how it worked out.

Laura points out that she’s the type of gamer who reloaded the game 20 times in ME3 to try to find a way to get a resolution that would be good for everyone when one didn’t exist, and she had that same sense of frustration when she got home after the game. She was really upset over the resolution of the Grey Hunt, but is feeling a bit better knowing it at least wasn’t failure.

Ashley and Travis both briefly thought the Grey Hunt was gonna be a weird proposal. Taliesin: “I feel like in our friends group the proposals have been getting more and more ridiculous. That would be the meta-continuation.”

Taliesin points out that Percy has a problem with abandonment and the whole thing with Scanlan is hitting his “really serious anger management issues.” Percy was hoping to get Vex’s vague permission/help over the Scanlan thing, and when it wasn’t forthcoming, he changed his plans to be less extreme. Percy’s also dealing with guilt over not feeling useful in the underwater fight, and is displacing that as anger over Scanlan not being there to mitigate that issue.

Pike’s got a lot of lingering resentment over Scanlan leaving.

Vex would’ve approached the Hunt differently if she’d known more about the creature ahead of time. Everyone decides that it probably killed a lot of small, cute woodland creatures when it threw the tree at Vex.

Percy’s most angry about Scanlan leaving the group and abandoning his responsibilities. Everyone else has to deal with the horrible shit going on, but he’s the one who gets to fall apart.

Ashley was disappointed not to be in the Hells---she was wondering if she might’ve had a permanent shift in her personality as a result of staying there. Ashley really struggled with playing Pike as a good character early in the home game.

Vex was at 10 HP at the end of the Hunt. Taliesin didn’t think there was a real chance of death there, because Matt’s great at building tests that are terribly difficult but not fatal, but was more worried that she was gonna fail. Laura: “God, I would’ve felt like a loser!”

Ashley and Laura have both kept themselves from watching the scene that was just Taliesin and Sam and Matt in the room.

The idea of leaving with Scanlan crossed Ashley’s mind when she watched the episode, but it’s tough to tell what would’ve happened if she’d been there, because so much of the show is in-the-moment.

Vex thinks of Whitestone as home, more than Greyskull.

Pike feels some guilt over Scanlan’s departure because of the pranking. “I never thought he would be mad at something like that, of all people.” Percy didn’t feel bad about it, because that’s not where Scanlan’s anger really came from. Pike still feels bad, knowing that.

Poor Brian has food poisoning and had to run off-set midway through the show. Ashley jumps in to take over. “Okay, Laura and Ashley. Uh. Me.”

Taliesin says Percy and Cassandra don’t really talk about personal things---she probably doesn’t know about Vex, although she suspects. They love each other and all, but they’re not a very warm family. "It’s cold and we live in a castle, for god’s sake.” Laura sums it up: “Cassandra is no Vax.” Percy and Cassandra weren’t super close as kids. “She was a brat.”

Brian judges Ashley for not coming up with a funnier excuse for his running off-screen.

Vex and Vax have been growing into their own people over the past few months, but Laura doesn’t know how Vex will deal with being in Whitestone without having Vax around, without the comfort of knowing the person she loves most is nearby.

Percy has come up with contingency plans for if the other party members go rogue. Brian: “Tell me about it.” Taliesin: “No. They’re in the room.”

Vex has an affinity for nature, and while she’s growing accustomed to Whitestone, she’s more comfortable not being around people, because it lets her keep from putting on an act.

Before Pike died, her hair was black (with a purple streak), and after she died, her hair turned white.

Ashley gets asked about Pike’s parents and grandparents, and there is a story there, but she refuses to answer in case it comes up in the game.

Someone asks about Percy breaking his "honesty streak.” Taliesin: “It’s not an honesty streak, it’s just a period of not being caught lying.” Laura: “People think [Percy]’s much better than he is.” 

Blurbs on the back of Tary’s book. Percy: “A fascinating addition to the Audubon chronicles of Emon.” Vex: “Don’t believe the lies.” Pike: “I enjoyed the artwork in particular. Great read, but the artwork is fantastic. By the late and great artist, Doty(e), someone whom we used to know.”

Talks Machine in the Dark:

If Pike had a companion along the lines of Trinket, it would be a baby snow owl.

Taliesin wants fanart of Strawberry Shortcake-esque little animal pets for all of them.

Taliesin hasn’t thought about what Grog’s title would entail. “Now that you’ve said it, I’m having thoughts, and they’re all ridiculous and a little mean.”

Favorite spells outside their class: all agree that Chromatic Spray is cool. Taliesin misses using Prestidigitation. Brian: “I don’t have that spell because I can’t pronounce it.”

Percy smells like sandalwood and gunpowder.

After a long debate over which character would win in a Survivor AU, they eventually decide everyone would survive and they’d all do just fine together.

Ashley and Laura have matching compass tattoos, along with two more of their friends---they each have a direction.

High-school superlatives. Pike: “Best legs.” Percy would have a series along the lines of “President of chess club, president of yearbook club. Most likely to help make the yearbook.” 

#critical role #critical role spoilers #talks machina #talks machina spoilers #long text post