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hannahssimblr · 6 months

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Chapter Ten (Part 2)

I smile and shake my head, because I’m sure that I won’t be. Jude shuffles on the bed to readjust himself, and when he settles, his leg is resting against mine. It’s warm, mine feels cold. I notice it and wait for him to move but he doesn’t, so I just let our skin touch, and I get a shiver from my toes to the top of my head.

“When you go to Berlin,” I start. “Will you know anybody else there?”

He shakes his head. “No, I’m going on my own, which I’m kind of excited about.”

“Scared though?”

“Yeah, a little bit I suppose. More excited.”

“I think I’d be scared to leave and be away from everybody I know.”

“Yeah, I get that, but I wasn’t really thinking that way when I applied for university there, it was honestly more about the experience I’d have and what I’d learn from doing my degree there.” He shrugs “Plus when I applied I didn’t actually think I’d be going on my own.”

“No?”

“My girlfriend at the time and I applied together, actually, but she didn’t get in. It was brutal, we got our letters on the same day. Art schools work like that sometimes, they send their offers out earlier than other courses because your Leaving Cert points aren’t important. I got accepted and she didn’t, so it was a bad day.”

“So you decided to go alone anyway?”

“Yeah it felt like the best choice for me, I just didn’t see myself being in Ireland anymore, I don’t want to waste my early twenties in this horrible recession, and I don’t want to graduate into it with no job prospects. I just need to get away from it.”

“and your girlfriend?”

“We broke up. We stayed together until we finished our exams and then we called it quits. I don’t want to put her through the long distance thing, like, honestly I don’t want to put myself through it, because I know I can’t handle that. I really just… I don’t want any attachments when I go, like, no responsibilities towards anybody else. Having a relationship while trying to navigate the changes that are ahead of me,” He shakes his head. “It would be too hard.”

“Wow. How long were you together?”

“Almost a year.”

That seems like forever to me. Nobody I know has been in a relationship for that long. “It must have been a hard decision.”

“It was, she’s a great person.”

“Well you can always get back together at some point in the future, you know, like maybe someday when you graduate…” I don’t continue because he’s already shaking his head no.

“I don’t think so – It’s just over, I can’t really see us picking up where we left off, like, nothing to do with her or the relationship per se. It’s just that I feel like I can’t ever go backwards, once it’s done, it’s done for me. I just don’t really hang on to other people in that way.”

I think about how I do. I’m a clinger and I always have been, so his philosophy on life is totally foreign to me, just like the idea of jetting off to some unknown city all on my own without speaking the language or knowing how a single thing in its society operates. I think that he’s much braver than I am for doing it, but I’m a little sad that he’s going. Maybe in a parallel universe he and I would have attended the same art college and been friends who hung around in Dublin together after our respective classes, sitting outside coffee shops in the city and talking about art and sculpture and our silly assignments, but none of that will happen. In a few weeks he’ll be gone forever and I will likely never get to see him again.

I look down at our legs and move mine away from his. Perhaps it’s not a good idea for us to be touching after all.

“You look a little sleepy.” He says to me gently, and I am. I’m more than sleepy. It’s so late now that I must be awake for almost forty hours straight, running purely on the last shreds of adrenaline from being with him, but as soon as he mentions sleep my eyelids feel so heavy, and even the hard, flat wall that my back rests against feels cosy. I’m certain I could doze off in this exact position. I admit it, “I am.”

“Then sleep. I’ll leave.”

“Okay.”

He makes a tiny movement towards me and then hesitates and begins to get up. “Okay Evie, I’ll see you again soon.”

I reach out my weary arms for a hug goodbye and when he leans in to embrace me my face grazes his neck, and he’s warm and his arms are strong and I wonder what the consequences would be if I let myself fall asleep on him right there and then. Maybe he’d be forced to stay here with me all night.

“I’ll text you when I’m free to hang out again.” He says, letting me go.

“Mm”

I lay down to sleep on the bed. The blankets are so warm from where he was sitting.

Before my eyes drift closed and I surrender to my exhaustion I glimpse him climbing nimbly out the window and hopping down onto the grass outside, disappearing into the darkness and leaving the gauzy curtains fluttering behind him. It’s like he was never even here.

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#sims #sims 4 #ts4 #simlit #sims 4 story #writing #fiction #romance #sims story #sims 4 storytelling #sims4 storytelling #sims storytelling #lucky girl part 1

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toxooz · 5 months

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is Ollie the type to get jealous? like Kari is so fucking cute and friendly and sweet I find it hard to believe at least one person hasn't approached her in a flirty way not knowing about the giant demon orc toes they'd be stepping on 😭

I TINK I ANSWERED THIS B4 i quote:

"naah i dont think so he's mega chill when it comes to jealousy mainly bc he knows Kari is just hyper friendly to everyone that's just how she is but also i think she made it pretty clear to him that he has Literally no competition at all lmfaooo😭 so she'll be nice as hell to other dudes but if she realizes there's Intentions behind their friendlyness then she'll kinda try to distance herself from them or she'll have to flat out tell them bc she tends to hope that 'maybe if i distance myself they'll stop :''''3c' bUT if they're just fukkin creeps that think 'no' means 'convince me' then she'll 100% bring it up to Ollie or he'll just notice her body language and Give Them A Clear Ass Clue that gets their tail between their legs real damn quick lmfao im sure they have lil subtle communication signs they give each other from across the skatepark that mean ''this friend!! :3'' or ''this guy is making me feel gross pls intervene'' so yeah otherwise Ollie couldn't care less abt wHOS thAT gUY >:(((( he trusts her and she's still getting Ponti lessons about necessary aggressiveness and 'its ok if somebody hates you fuck them!!!!be mean as hell!!!! bite their head off!!!'😭"

so basically he gives her room to be nice but he Handles just straight up freaks and degenerates accordingly, but typically once anyone With Intentions finds out Kari's relation to Ollie they get super awkward n respectful so his ass gotta be out here lookin like ryuk sometimes pffft

#ollie #kari

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system-of-a-feather · 5 months

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How do you know when you've finally achieved a "remissed" state? I keep wondering if my system has finally settled in a state of "functional multiplicity" but I'm hesitant to use that because I know I still have a lot of trauma processing to do and unknown alters who show up every now and then. But it's no longer necessarily distressing, I know how to handle flashbacks and how to help these new alters and my life has otherwise stabilized a lot.

I feel there isn't really a hard definition for this. I was going to say "final fusion is a lot more clear cut" but honestly? As a person who has also finally fused and has honestly been sitting in that for like two weeks more or less straight, even that can be pretty "hard to notice".

And I know - cause I was there - that from the perspective of someone Not There and/or hasnt realized they are there yet that it sounds very anti-intuitive or wrong, because "How would I NOT notice everything fusing into one identity? Wouldnt that be obvious that I'm NOT me?"

But no, its not really obvious, at least not in my experience. In my experience, by the point you start to get closer to final fusion / functional multiplicity the amount of which DID-symptoms (primarily alters, switching, and amnesia) call for much attention or care to be cognoscente of becomes really small and rather nonconsequential. It becomes a lot easier to just exist among your parts and casually let whoever wants to front whenever without too much internal communication or checks and balances or really any cognitive effort.

By the point when switching and amnesia is so not-distressing and minimally invasive, its very easy to fluidly switch between parts and the trust within each part is so large that you really don't have to ask them or communicate as explicitly to make sure they are on the same page as you and will do the best to respect you and your needs as a part.

By that point, trying to keep track of who is fronting and switching and everything - while definitely possible and something we do a lot, particularly when we are not 'roosting in Fei' - can sometimes become a bit of a hassle (not always, sometimes its fun as well when we are just chatting with eachother) and by that point its kind of like... trying to keep track of who is in the lobby of a massive hotel. It can be a bit exhausting, so even when not in Final Fusion, you just kinda stop caring and just go about your life trusting that whoever is out there is probably having a good time and that you don't really mind Not Being there.

Or hell, maybe theyre out there and you wanna be out there with them and chill thats awesome, but again - it doesn't really matter and that internal vigilance over identity and self just is so so so so tiny

And I guess now that I'm writing it, I think that - in my opinion - is the best tell that you are probably at functional multiplicity; is that if genuinely that internal vigilance among yourself, parts you know, parts you know you don't know, possession of the body, switching, etc is really just so so so nonconsequential and such an afterthought to your existence, I think that is probably the best indicator of really any remissed state.

In my opinion the key difference between Final Fusion and Functional Multiplicity is just a matter of how much you engage with yourself as seperate parts versus as a very relaxed and constantly flowing beach.

For me, Functional Multiplicity - at the point of healing that I am now - takes a little bit of mental energy (not a lot, its largely negligible most of the time and we tend to prefer to be closer to the functional multiplicity end a lot of the time) to be that aware of what part is out and if I should get a different part out or if I think someone else would enjoy the moment better. That said, the small amount of mental energy put into that often gives me a lot more insight into myself as I can talk and engage and enjoy life with my better halves / quarters / thirty-ths / etc. It also opens up for more specialized enjoyment of activities, perspectives in life, and engagement in skills. Being at Functional Multiplicity allows me to control and specialize what part of me is presenting at what point in time and live in the moment as my best self for the moment.

On the other hand, Final Fusion is so serene and existing in it is like the coming and going of waves on a beach. Every so often you go "hey thats XIV" or "lol hey thats Riku" or "lol yep theres Chunn" and sometimes those waves are basically just that part fronting, but everything is so damn connected that even if you know that line came SPECIFICALLY from that specific part, hell even if that whole activity was primarily from that specific part, everything is SO damn connected that its still >you< it is still the Beach, that was just a fucking GNARLY wave of XIV or Riku or Chunn or etc

Thus why even though we've been sitting in Fei for like two or so weeks now, you can often see a second tag with it. If a wave is predominant, we will tag it, but *shrugs* it don't matter cause in the end its our overall whole that is here the most.

Final Fusion also has its amazing perks like actually Not having to Discuss much at All. Which as much as I LOVE talking to my parts explicitly and having banter and all, sometimes when life is stressful or I'm over worked or burnt out or what not, sometimes I really would just rather have some simplicity in life and just be able to know and speak for myself without having to go through a counsel.

But back to the point of the question, I think the best way to tell is to just generally reference how much internal vigilance you have over yourself, your system, your concept of identity and self, and see where you fall on that.

An alternative perspective to that same measure is just really, how much do you deeply and internally trust yourself (as a whole) on an emotional level to do the best for yourself and to absolutely never intentionally neglect yourself? How much blind faith - no if ands or buts - do you have in yourself? Do you feel there is any possible part that you don't know of that could in there that you couldn't handle or that would cause you really any notable amount of distress? Does thinking about parts that you don't know stress you out? Do you think there is a world where - for any meaningful or substantiated period of time - any part of you would ever intentionally put themselves wholely before another part?

Are you your first and foremost ally all the way through in and out? Do you feel decently comfortable answering these questions for the system and do you feel decently confident that - even without explicitly asking them - that you can advocate for all parts on these questions?

This isn't to say that if you DON'T check all these off that you AREN'T at a remissed state or anything, because honestly, I didn't realize or even get some of these checked off until AFTER my therapist pointed it out to me and I sat and thought about it. But its some nice food for thought and questions to think about and talk about among yourself because those topics have honestly created some of the most healing and solidification after realizing we were "kinda at functional multiplicity" that had really helped unify us even further than before. (below the cut is more directed towards the ""anon"" themselves)

[**Disclaimer at the end regarding parts underneath this mark**]

Most importantly though, I believe strongly in the principle of self determination (<- this is not a clinical or official thing in literature, its a term and topic I use within my therapy, internal interactions, and what not that is based on my own personal opinion / view of DID; this is not scientific and entirely peer / experience based) - at least in late stage recovery - so if you feel you might be at functional multiplicity and you genuinely emotionally feel as though you are on the fence, I don't see why you shouldn't believe you are at functional multiplicity.

It is a little more risky of a game to play in earlier stages of recovery, but considering I know who asked this cause they DMed me 2 seconds later, if you are not prone to notable bouts of denial or using denial as a means of repression, why WOULDN'T you be at functional multiplicity?

The label is pretty loose and subjective and if you want to be at functional multiplicity, claim it, believe it, dedicate to it, and I feel the DID subconscious brain - so long as it is within it's genuine realm of plausibility and believably - will let it be.

So to the anon that I know, I personally am of the non-professional completely-peer opinion that if reading this, you still feel you really really might be at functional multiplicity, say FUCK IT WE BALL, and just take that label and smack it on your face. If you are close enough to functional multiplicity to read through this and still go "maybe we are" then you are close enough to "kinda fake it till you make it".

That's just to say that if you say you are at functional multiplicity, I'd absolutely believe it and accept it, but also that if you said you weren't, I'd also absolutely believe it and accept it. Define who you are based on your genuine truth and where you'd like to be go for it. If you have good reason to believe you are at functional multiplicity and you want to be at functional multiplicity and that you feel you are willing to genuinely believe you are at functional multiplicity, make the claim and be at functional multiplicity.

--- [DISCLAIMER]

**These last few paragraphs (below disclaimer mark) are primarily targetted to the anon cause I know them, and there is a lot more nuance to the topic as well as limits to the extent it can work and trying to take it as a "this is completely impossible to missuse" can be risky. So I do want to put a disclaimer that if you are not in mid to late stage recovery and/or have not gotten over the "fakies" or have parts that try to rush things or "rewrite the narrative at the expense of other parts" - the principle of self determination is not something I'd recommend as it can be used for harm as well if not done authentically. It is important to acknowledge this is completely based on my own experience, opinion and perspective of DID that is NOT substantiated past my personal experience. Take this with a large grain of salt.

#alter: fei #alter: riku #ask #asks #remissed states #functional multiplicity #final fusion #wishiwashi recovery #actuallydid #dissociative identity disorder

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irrealisms · 3 months

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You dont have sex because you're waiting for marriage or because being gay is a sin?

man i dont remember posting anything abt not having sex/celibacy/being side b before this ask, idk what this was inspired by. it's probably bait (and, quite frankly, it's none of your business why i'm having or not having sex) which is why i waited almost a full week to answer but i'm going to answer it anyway (once) because i want to be open about this. if you or anyone else is interested in having a discussion on why i believe the things i do, send me a message or an ask off anon. i'm much more willing to be vulnerable in a setting that isn't "anon question that is probably bait".

as a clarification that will probably mean very little to my secular followers but will be appreciated by my side b followers (and hopefully at least mean something to my side a Christian followers): i reject this dichotomy. i'm celibate because i'm gay--but i don't think being gay is a sin. i am gay. i do not believe my existence is a sin. i believe that i've found many beautiful and true things from being gay, and that God made me gay for a reason. i am glad i'm gay, and i don't wish i were straight or pray to become straight. so, so much of side b advocacy within the Church is focused around making it clear that, while being gay comes with different temptations than being straight, it is not a sin to be gay. (note also: different temptations. not "being gay comes with temptations and being straight doesn't".) it would be a slap in the face to not start with that. i share a lot of thoughts on this with eve tushnet, who's also a side b Catholic lesbian; this post was incredibly meaningful to me on my journey, but check out her blog if you want more.

but also, yeah. i don't have sex because i converted to Catholicism with the intent of obeying the Church's doctrine. i note in my bio that i obey the doctrine of the Church. and, well, i can't get gay married as a Catholic, and i'm not supposed to have extramarital sex. so i don't i know that there are side a Catholics, many of whom i respect, but i'm not one of them. i don't believe in "ex-gay" therapy or "pray the gay away" and i don't think that being gay is inherently sinful, but (and here's the part that i assume you're reading for) i do believe that having gay sex is a sin. i follow the teachings laid out in the Catechism, to the best of my ability and understanding. that's in my about page. right now, for me, as a lesbian: that means celibacy. the Catechism is pretty clear on that, imo. i don't talk about this often because most of my friends (and, for that matter, tumblr followers) are queer non-Christians, many of whom have trauma around Christianity and Christian homophobia (which is, to be clear, very real, even if you agree that gay sex is a sin). but like... i'm just living my life. i go to Mass on Sundays and i fast during Lent (or get permission not to from the local priest, when my eating disorder makes it a health concern) because doing otherwise would be a sin; not having sex (or masturbating! which was/is tbh much harder for me to give up than partnered sex! but people ask a lot less about that, because it's less discourse bait and more clearly none of anyone else's business) is the same sort of thing, to me. was it hard (is it hard)? yes, sometimes. but God doesn't just ask me for sacrifices that are easy. maybe some day i'll change my mind again and become side a or deconvert altogether. maybe i'm wrong about things! but this is where i'm at right now.

for what it's worth, i'm happy. i don't hate myself. as mentioned earlier, i'm glad i'm gay and i don't want to be straight. my life is full of love--from friends, family, God. celibacy has had its downsides and painful moments for me, but it's also had its upsides and moments of joy. i've been able to deepen and prioritize and value my friendships. it's been valuable and beautiful and worth it. fundamentally: i believe what i believe, and i'm living true to that. if you want to unfollow me for this, go for it. if you want to filter it, my tag for religion + queerness + being side b is #too gay to live too trad to die.

#therapists dni #too gay to live too trad to die #catholic tag #follower purge time ig

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carphoegras · 1 year

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I don’t ship most of these myself , but your rant/ramble posts on Les Mis ships are funny so I genuinely wanted your opinion on these 👁

1. Enjoltaire

2. Valvert

3. Enjonine

4. Marisette (or whatever Marius x Cosette was called)

5. Javonine (Javert and…Eponine 😭)

6. Marionine (A name a just guessed for Marius x Eponine because I wasn’t bothered to look it up)

7. and uhhh.. Granjonine (I think that was the name)

well hello darling! i live to entertain lol lets get into it i might have to put this under a cut because i think its obvious i have a rambling issue

Enjoltaire : a classic for good reason. they seemed really base level to me at first because i watched the movie first, but once i read the brick and really saw their dynamic i fell for them HARD. for me the beauty of this pairing is really rooted in the substance of their individual characters as opposed to like a romantic relationship. idk its so difficult for me to verbalize why i love them so much i think i just love the idea of finding common ground despite difficulties. enjolras and grantaire mirror each other in such a beautiful way that i feel the musical/movie couldn't really capture without demoting it to a puppy love grantaire/mean enjolras dynamic idk i have such an issue with some portrayals of them because i feel like they create a victim/abuser situation where there wasn't one but that's like a whole post within itself anyway i feel like im getting incoherent i love exr with every fiber of my fucking being just read the brick if you don't get it ok the movie and musical just dont do it justice and for the love of god avoid the fics written in 2012/2013 after the movie hype its all wRONGGGG (i love you george blagden but you created a twink grantaire movement) (they pull each others pigtails okay its a mutual obsession) (enjolras why don't you just ignore him baby? glutton for punishment my dear we all know if you hated him you wouldn't let him hang around) (anyway) i should make a seperate post about my exr feelings bc i could talk ab them for hours

2. Valvert: okay this is where i feel like i can be unpopular with the fandom. i fucking hate this ship. like physically, spiritually, all that. its one of those that i kinda lose respect for the person bc its literally a cop/prisoner thing. its not enemies to lovers. its not a hate love thing. javert's a fucking cop. valjean is his victim. the whole idea of people romanticizing this makes me feel so insanely icky and i think the point of the story has just gone RIGHT over some folks' heads please take a step back and think about it. neolib behavior sorry not sorry

3. Enjonine: enjolras is gay. just like, straight up in the brick enjolras is a gay man. this ship is spawned from straight girls who saw aaron tveit and use eponine as their not like other girls posterchild. just a whole bunch of hetero nonsense. same behavior as the joseph quinn enj x reader bs. honey thats a homosexual man and can we please stop reducing eponine to needing a boyfriend she needs a stable home and a goddamn therapist fucking hell

4. Marisette: okay. i LOVE THEM. i'm a cosette stan myself, and i'm a huge fan of a gooey love at first sight situation. they contrast my love for exr in the sense that they're a very easy love. their parts in the book literally make me SWOOOOOON i can put aside my beef with marius as a combeferre kin to appreciate how sweet they are

5. Javonine??: im sorry wh aht. did the snape x hermione shippers leak into the lm fandom or am i being fucking punked im not discussing this its obvious why this is wrong please tell me its obvious y'all are NASTY

6. Marionine: eh. eh. i mean, like i said with enjonine eponine's problems are not gonna be solved with a dude. i'm really not opposed to them, persay, its just that eponine's love for marius is so incredibly dependent and rooted more in her personal trauma than actual love, so i feel a little weird with them sometimes. sometimes it just gives anti cosette vibes (cough cough bc of the bullshit love triangle angle that the musical markets cough cough) so i tread very carefully with them

7. Granjonine: again what in the damn hell. i'm not dignifying this shit they could be besties but for the love of god george blagden did a number on the straight girls. STOP PROJECTING ONTO EPONINE IM GONNA LOSE MY FUCKING MIND LEAVE HER ALONE

thanks for the ask lovely, i do love rambling even though these ships are baffling lmaoooo

#les miserables #les mis

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selamat-linting · 17 days

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if yall think that department store job is bad wait until you hear about the stock broker job i almost had.

so, i recently turned 19 at the time and was desperate for employment. there's this walk-in interview ad on the local job site. i went there, hand in my resume, and without looking at my file the HR told me im accepted for a three day training program. it should be a red flag, but i came in anyway.

our trainer is a man in a fancy suit. the first thing he said other than the over-excited greeting was thanks. thanks for not believing the naysayers who said this job is a scam.

i might be stupid, but im not stupid enough to ignore that. immediately i was hyper aware of everything this trainer was doing and saying. our first day was all motivational speeches and bombarding everyone who dared to question their scheme with noises and covert shaming so they'd get in line. the actual product we're selling, the daily operation, he either sidesteps the question or explain it in such a vague nothingburger way that you couldnt understand it. at least they gave us free lunch though.

when i get home, i began looking up the name of the company. theyre formally certified as a broker company, but its hard to find an actual job desc or the benefits. there's even accounts of costumers who felt theyre getting scammed out of the whole deal. i still came in the next day.

i dont know what i was thinking tbh. i guess there is a part of me who wished it was all a misunderstanding, or a part of me who thinks i can actually make a sale and get money despite the circumstances, and a part of me who wants to convince myself that im not a quitter. i was a mess. i went on my second day, and at least a quarter of people are gone. we did our training, this time we're taught how to trade stocks, using software we barely understand with principles we dont even get. and ofc when we get the job, the money we use for trading would be our customers' money.

during break time, they told us to get comfortable with the workers who have been there for months. i was friendly with them, but i realized they're the ones i could actually get a straight answer from. i basically cornered and made one of them to admit this is a job with no base pay, just a commission scheme. and some havent closed anything for months since the day they start working. i admit, i did it for myself, but i hope other people who enrolled in training with me heard it too.

it was then i made the decision to drop out. dont get me wrong, commission only jobs are a standard practice for a lot of sales industry, and i respect people who do the hustle. actually, i might even try it one day if (big IF here) im skilled and financially stable enough to weather the rough months. but its wrong for that company to avoid explaining that aspect especially when the job is convincing people to fund your trading business and you cant even educate your workers on the product properly! its predatory and scammy as fuck.

and for years after that sometimes i hear a story of a coworker who tried their luck. all of them failed. well, one girl i know manage to close a deal. except she got screwed by her seniors and she didnt get her earnings. one guy i know even end up drowning in debt because of that job. but then again, i dont feel sorry for him because i overheard him confessed to raping a girl at a party once so he deserved it lol!

anyway, the office of that trading company was soon shut down around 2020. i heard they got sued, or they cant pay the rent for the building, im not sure. they were closed though. and everyone who knows that place but doesnt work there, recognized they have a not so stellar reputation. however, they recently reopened under a new name. different company name, same business model. thats capitalism.

#posts about my life

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lotusmi · 1 year

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Hey dear bloggers I need your help with this one!!

(I apologise for it being so lengthy)

Do we choose what we can desire?

I know about the law and the void. I was very happy to know I could manifest my dream life. My circumstances have not been so good for some time now. Everytime I decide to manifest a better life some negative thoughts overpower my whole mindset.

Now when I affirm for the void my brain has started to fear it as if I will be able to tap in it the what if later on in life I have a desire (that I dont like now) and I will tap in the voidfor it. Like it hard to explain. I had this negative thought all of a sudden what if later on in life I want my sexuality to change and i tap in the void to manifest it. Which is VERY odd and not even true and totally draining me out. Like wtf

My mind has also given another reason to this. Sometimes in movies and stuff we have seen that maybe what we dont want now or something we dislike may become your desire. When people hate each other and fight and they think they would never wanna see each other again but then fall for each other.

(I KNOW IT SOUNDS SO STUPID. BUT they are eating me out.)

One of the desires I want to tap in the void is also to manifest an awesome love life just the way I dream with the perfect partner I like. I am straight (and I totally support and respect everyone else too) its just that I dont want it to change and I love it. So what if universe(or whoever gives us our desires) makes me desire to change myself some day. And it terrifies me. And stops me from affirming for literally ANYTHING better for myself.

When I am not affirming for the void. And I think of these negative thoughts I realise how STUPID and false they sound but as soon as I start affirming for the void thoughts like these overpower and drain me out.

I dont want to trauma dump just to say this thing has literally made me miserable and I feel hopeless to ever better my circumstances.

I would really do with a little help. I am tagging bloggers i folllow (i am new so i dont really know how tumblr works ) @lotusmi @gorgeouslypink @uniquelymeandmyworld2 @asteriaas-stuffs @fleurlx @voidprincessblog

I would say, try closing your eyes and asking yourself what you truly want, deeply want. Let yourself feel it, you will know the answer. I know you will find this answer within you easily. You can do whatever you want 💓

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redheadbigshoes · 1 year

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omg YES, "straight feminine girls who are dating" is EXACTLY what i was thinking about when writing that ask but didnt add cus i couldnt think of how to word it, that is LITERALLY what its so often like and its like pulling teeth to watch 😭

im also the only femme lesbian i know irl and whilst i am femme4butch, its really depressing for me because i so desperately wish to surround myself with other femme lesbians :( like it really goes to show. being in femme online spaces for a second you can see that vented struggle of femme4femmes and i get so goddamn frustrated when people who obviously have no care or clue about femmes decide that femme4femmes & femmes in gen are actually a super represented, privileged, and overabundant community because of being fetishised and tokenized out of our control. like in what universe are these people living in.

Whenever I think about the “femme rep” that is straight feminine girls that are dating I always remember of Cheryl and Tony from Riverdale 😂 I don’t think there’s any better example than that.

I really get you! I really want to meet other femme lesbians in real life, even if it’s only to be friends with them so we could share more our experiences. Especially considering from what I’ve seen, femmes usually take longer to figure out their identity and seem to be the ones who most struggle with comphet. My 2 lesbian friends (both butches) have always known they’re lesbians and I can’t really relate to that, sometimes it feels like I’m not a real lesbian or lesbian enough because I spent a long time thinking I liked men and people around me were so used by thinking I was attracted to men that I feel like sometimes they don’t believe I’m actually a lesbian.

It’s very sad how other queers almost treats us like we’re less queer because they think being fetishized is being more accepted and that being feminine (as a woman-aligned person) means we don’t suffer since people assume we’re straight.

We try to create our own online safe spaces since it’s hard to find each other irl and people don’t even respect that.

#stephanie answers #anon #long post

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larathia · 1 year

Text

BSD Rewatch Notes #3

Wow.

Atsushi’s take on Dazai is...actually kind of hard to parse at times. He clearly looks up to Dazai as role model and mentor and can get very concerned about Dazai’s health/welfare...

And yet. He’s also well aware that Dazai is a fiend of a trickster who sometimes straight up lives to torment Kunikida and will do incomprehensibly weird things simply because nobody stopped him from doing them.

Spends a fair chunk of an episode doing both at about the same time, too. Like, Dazai can spend a huge chunk of time overtly plotting to torment Kunikida and Atsushi is SO DONE and SO “why, why are you like this” - and at the same time when Dazai’s like “this is why Kunikida is our second in command”, Atsushi snaps right back into ‘yes senpai’ mode.

I mean I’ve noted this before but really all I can think is that while Atsushi treats Dazai as his mentor, one can really only define their relationship as “a depressed man and his cat”. By which I mean the only way I can make the emotional level make sense, is to picture that - a depressed man and his cat - with all that that would entail. Which would have days of the cat purring on the man’s lap, yes, but just as often would have the cat giving judgey “seriously, it’s 2pm and you still haven’t gotten up” looks and occasionally biting the man’s nose, because that’s how cats are. They may love and adore us but that doesn’t mean they’re necessarily going to put up with our bullshit.

Also...my gods, Kunikida is neurotic. I mean that isn’t OCD, it’s somewhere several steps past that. Since Dazai DOES seem to have respect for Kunikida, even while deliberately attempting to snap his mind in half, I can only figure Dazai is trying to teach Kunikida to stay mentally flexible or something - you know, sort of give him repeated stress tests so the wood bends rather than breaks? Because wow. Kunikida could SO break, given his outlook and the work he does. Dazai is NOT wrong to think Kunikida could be the next Azure King. There’s a good man in there, but the split between the world Kunikida wants - his Ideal world - and the world that actually exists is way too wide. It makes him bitchy and kind of cruel, a lot more often than it makes him noble or kind. I find myself more often surprised by Kunikida’s kindness than his harshness.

I do think the ADA chose its second in command well, but also that the ADA has been very fortunate not to NEED Kunikida to step into that role. Especially in these earlier episodes. (I keep thinking ‘he mellows out, right? I seem to remember he mellows out’ but right now I can’t be sure I remembered that right.)

#bungou stray dogs #bsd analysis

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starsarefire824 · 1 year

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Heeey moot! Just woke up! Even though I'm late, I just wanted to say that you deserve to write whatever tf you want and I'm sorry some peeps were harassing you about The Pact. I don't think folks know how hard it is to not only write, but then to post it for others to see. So, for them to criticize you when it's just a fun fic that they can ignore or filter out (tags on ao3 are meant to be used geez) its wild to me. You're doing something very unique with the characters and including a lot of different subgroups of the queer community splendidly while keeping them flawed like real teens - all in 1 fic. As a demi ace myself, I was so happy to see you incorporate that in your fic respectively and a lot of my queer Sex Ed came from detailed, researched fics bc even though my parents and school system talked to me about sex, there was nothing for the queer kids, let alone ace kids to get guidance on. So, for fic readers/writers like me, using fics to explore sexuality was a godsend.

Can't help but also think it's the biphobia kicking in again, specifically for characters like Mike. No one has a problem hc Max as bi even though it seems like lumax is clearly endgame over elmax or elumax, but when it comes to Mike being bi it's like the world is ending despite it clearly being byler endgame. I personally ship all hcs of Mike's sexuality cuz only Robin and Will have been confirmed queer. Everyone else in ST to me is undisclosed until stated straight or queer. But again that's me.

Also love your poly rep cuz my sib is poly and so were some of my grandma's cousins from 1950s-now. So, again, all or most sexualities explored in fics is a must, regardless if you ship it. I've always been a polypartycule shipper and enjoy how you include all party members and mention Duzie sometimes cuz too many times I found fics/hcs excluding the fact Dustin has a stable relationship with Suzie in favor of just highlighting byler and elumax as the romantic ones of the party.

Sorry for the rant but I had to let it out. I hated scrolling through my feed and seeing that post you made of folks getting heated over fiction like you're gonna convince the Duffers to change the whole script. Anyways I hope my support is felt. This is still me typing in a sleep daze and yeah. I'll continue reading your work cuz I enjoy good writers first and foremost and omg lol you made it having some harrassers cuz the greatest books were on the banned book list. Not saying you deserve the irrational hate, but that's how I'm framing it - this is giving "banned book energy" just cuz The Pact is exploring romantic madwheeler when no one cares about byclair or henderhop or henclair (despite folks labeling El as a lesbian). Anyways, you do you moot be blessed out here

Hello deer moot!!!! <33

Thanks so much for the positive vibes!!! I truly appreciate it. I guess I was just feeling a little let down that a select few people made it so far into a fic and then were angry about the way things were going and/or felt the need for me to tell them the ending. At first it didn't bother me, but after answering the same questions 1,000 times and trying to sort of reassure everyone it got to a point of being exhausting! I want to talk about the fic, but I don't really want to have to defend my writing/story/ship choices every chapter. It's kind of exhausting and was bringing me down a little bit. But anyway, enough about that.

I am SO GLAD that you are like...really vibing with some of the choices in that story? Especially with your unique pov being demi ace and having poly family. I think that fanfiction can be a very important tool for a lot of teen when it comes to exploring sex, especially if it's not a cis het-normative type or even just....dealing with sex from a young person's pov and all of the obstacles that everyone faces in that regard. Also, I think it can just open up a conversation or make a person think about things that maybe they might not of before etc etc. Or! They can just enjoy those scenes for the writing/good time. I'm here for all of it.

I'm not sure if it's a biphobia thing? It honestly hadn't occurred to me, but you may possibly be right. I know a lot of people headcanon Mike as gay, which I fully support. I wouldn't be surprised if that is the case. I think if Byler happens in canon, he'll be unlabeled. BUT I do like to write Mike as bi, I personally think that there were feelings for El at some point. I personally headcanon him as a bi-romantic, and sexually leaning towards men. But that's just me....

But anyway, as that pertains to madwheeler, I also really enjoy the bi for bi Max and Mike dynamic, specifically because it's fun to write, and secondly it's another thing to add to their already similar personalities. And yea. I agree... unless a character's sexuality is specifically stated like El and Will's, there is room for exploration for most characters and that's what fanfic and art is for.

I do think there is this strange thought process regarding bi characters, that if they have a relationship with a person of the opposite sex it's like they're not "queer enough" for other people. Like it's somehow lesser than if Mike has a relationship with a woman, even though he already, in canon, is well, with a woman. And that people tend to forget that people are still bi, still queer, even if they are in the most outwardly straight presenting relationship, cause let's face it....you can't really help who you're attracted to and who you fall in love with. it just is.

And when it comes to the madwheeler in this fic, I am fully aware it is one of the least popular ships out there, but again, that is one of the reasons I wanted to explore it. And a a bi, poly person my self it was really interesting putting these characters in a dynamic where they were both involved with people of differing genders and orientations. It gives you a lot to work with when it comes to having things to write about! シ

And as you said, it also allows for some messy, realistic teenage angst! Which I am always a fan of! ;)

Anyway, thank you for the rant. I appreciate it so much, and am honestly still blown away by the positive responses to this story. Even if it's not everyone's cup of tea!

#anon asks #dear moot <3

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zerobaseonefics · 1 year

Note

tw: rape, attempt and idk what else??

so basically my depression worsened and i had an attempt on wednesday, this week. school is too much already and it barely started, my whole family is a problem and my friends(?) are making jokes about me which i find somehow funny but it also hurts me

my family is talking about how my breasts grow so fast and how they are bigger than most of the women in my family and even men are saying this which makes me uncomfortable… my parents also keep telling me if i keep misbehaving (sleeping when its daytime) i will be sent to my family in vietnam (im not that close with them because theyre pretty much aggressive and i’m bad at speaking vietnamese, they can’t speak polish, so it’s hard to communicate)

the jokes my friends(?) make are about how a guy almost raped me but i managed to push him off of me.. the jokes are like “omg youre like literally our hulk” etc. // i do find the jokes funny sometimes but then i think about the time it happened and i feel grossed out by myself and feel like crying

also all the panic attacks i had in the recent weeks are all too much.. and it’s too much pressure thinking about everything at once, i just can’t sort it out in my head

even tho my problems may not be that serious, i still can’t handle them anymore. thank you for “listening”to me, i’m really thankful for you<33

~🤍

first of all, i know it's hard to keep that in mind sometimes, and that's why i want to remind you that you should never make a hierarchy of problems. your problems ARE serious, and you should not delegitimize them like that. your feelings are valid no matter what your issue is, if it makes you feel that way then there is a reason and it's your right to be hurt.

i'm genuinely pissed off hearing about the comments on your body from your family 💀 as i hit puberty very young, i also had that problem of adults making inappropriate remarks on it, and i know how it hurts and can mess with your self esteem and the way you feel in your body. avoid the people who make this kind of comments as much as you can. depending on the links you have with your family, try and tell them that it makes you uncomfortable. tell the women in your family especially that it's even worse when it's men and hopefully they will stand up for you if they ever tell you something about it in front of them. this is so annoying why do they care about your body like that 💀

about your friends and their jokes!! even if it can make you laugh sometimes, it's better to tell them straight that you don't like it. if you let them get away with it for too long, they might not understand why you're against it when you used to laught about it. maybe they don't mean any harm, but if they're actual good friends they'll respect you and stop with these jokes. if they are not, i guarantee you that you'll be better off without them. you're very strong, okay? what happened to you when you got assaulted is in no way your fault and it is not taking away your value. don't forget i call you pure >:(

as for the panick attacks, do you have any methods to calm them down?? as someone who suffers from it as well, i had a time when i was younger where they were very frequent. i have less now because i found some methods that help me calm down easier. if you can, press your back against something cold, a wall for example. if you're not alone, try to put your hand on a friend's chest to feel the way they are breathing and try to match your breathing with their. also, i have a friend who put their face in a huge bowl of water. try these next time you have a panick attack, and if doesn't work, look for other ones! there is surely one that will work for you.

i assume you're much younger than me so i will treat you as a little sibling and talk to you according to my experiences as someone who went through similar things as you. if you ever wanna talk about anything, i will always take my time to answer to you and try to give you advices. take care of you, you're valuable, and you should never hurt yourself <3 better days are surely waiting for you in the future, and it would be a shame to miss them, right?

please come back to me at least once a week so i can make sure you're doing good >:( take care, pure 🩶

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digitalvalkerie · 1 year

Text

Tamersona Week 2022 Day 2

My partners?

Yes, that’s right, I have more one... the list seems to keep expanding, but hopefully the limit is... five...?

Now, we’ve gone over enough about me, Vick.

Let’s start with Saka, tied for my oldest partner and friend.

Saka is pretty straight forward, liking to fight and disliking being called cute. Hes pretty Macho-Man esque, and prideful to boot, feeling the need to show his masculinity often, and hide his emotions from most others (Myself and Teddy aside).

As we grew up, he began to grow out of the need, at least until he was in Champion form, where the masculinity complex was double its original state. Much like Terriermon from Tamers, he tries to get everyone to chill out in a serious situation, mostly saying “I’ve got this, no need to worry!”

I’m pretty sure he has a sensitive side too, he just... doesn’t like to show it a whole lot. He worries, he frets, but he plays it off in a manner that may come of as arrogance.

I gave him the nickname Saka, since it was hard to call him and his sister Teddymorphmon when talking at one or the other. I didn’t know how to spell the name, but he’s nicknamed after Sokka from ATLA, because his personality matches up pretty close~

Then we have his twin sister, Teddy.

Teddy is the maternal type, caring for everything smaller than her as I had done for her and her brother. I guess I rubbed off on them more than I thought. She loves babies, and will often visit our local primary village run by Leomon. (I have vowed to protect this man from the Leomon Curse >>)

Teddy loves sweets just as much as her brother, and will take sweets from him as he does from me. However, she very much dislikes bullies, and that fact as still never changed. When we came back to the Analog world, and I had to face my school bullies again, it was like she was a completely different mon, growling and snarling like a rabid dog to scare the bullies off.

She’s a worrier, for sure, and I maybe don’t help so much with the dumb stuff I do. But she always trust that I know what I’m doing when I say so. I gave her the nickname Teddy, simply because it was short for Teddymorphmon ^^;

Now, a Teddymorphmon, the species of these two, is a digimon that seems like a subspecies of Terriermon or Lopmon, when in actuality, it’s a whole other species. Much like how Red Pandas may look like pandas, or Koalas are called koala bears, they are their own classification out side of what they are compared to.

The base of their data cores is near identical in shape to the aforementioned rabbit digimon, but the rest is made up of other various things. Teddymorphmon get their name from their Teddybear like comfort, as well as the ability to change their appearance as they like. Sometimes, they can have bangs covering their eyes, sometimes they can have sharp little claws instead of nubby lil fingers.

They are also more like marsupials, in the sense that their neck “markings” are actually pouches of which they can store things such as eggs, or in Saka’s case snacks.

Let’s move on to Taru.

Taru is a centarumon (typically), that acts much like a knight of Arthurian tales would act, much having to do with Honor and Respect. He has a very interesting code of honor, and will not attack if he thinks the opponent would die from his strikes.

Outside of the battle field, he is a very sweet boy, adhering to rules (usually unspoken ones...) and making sure that everyone is safe and happy. He is constantly watching out for younger digimon, even when he isn’t much older than ten himself.

He is also very shy. While he’ll genuinely compliment on what ever I’m working on, with vigor, mind you, it only takes a “you’re the best!” or “you are just the cutest!~” to have him blushing profusely. (Even as I write this with him looking over my shoulder, I can see he’s blushing -w-)

I named him Taru from Centarumon, his Champion form. Typically, Taru likes to be in his champion form, if only because it makes him feel more useful than his Elecmon form. But recently, he’s undergone a data change that allows him to slide into FlareSpadamon.

Next lets get to Taco.

Taco is a spindly boi, with a love for hugs, pizza, and making everyone smile. He... kinda just showed up one day in my room, and before I knew it we shared a DPB. He’s very sweet, and tries to help the best he can, but most of the time, he’s just a big ole baby.

Now, Taco doesn’t seem to have a voice of his own, and will often mimic different people’s voices saying things in order to talk with me, or anyone for that matter. For example:

The phrase he wants to say is: “Can we please have Pizza for dinner? With breadsticks!”

He will say “Can” from someone’s voice, “Please” from someone else’s, “Pizza” from a PizzaHut advert, “Suppertime” from Little Shop of Horrors, and then “Bread” from Guilmon saying “Guilmon love bread” in Digimon Tamers, and “Sticks” from someone calling out the name Sticks in Sonic Boom.

So all together you get “Can Please Pizza Suppertiiiime? Bread sticks!”

It takes some deciphering, but you know he gets his point across just fine. I named him Taco, just because it felt right in my jellies -nod nod-

While it wasn’t an unwelcome addition to the team, his origins do still concern me... And yet, he’s still not the most baffling encounter for a partner.

That brings us to the latest addition, Chihiro

Chihiro is definitely a strange case. As a Digi-egg, she came to us in a package that I ordered. The order was only supposed to contain a Booster Box of the Digimon card game, and yet when I opened it up, there was an egg.

After months of keeping that egg close to my person at all hours of the day, including bath time, the egg hatched into a digimon I wasn’t too familiar with. I did my research and found out she was a newly discovered digimon, named Curimon.

It didn’t take long for her to get to rookie though, as she did not hold back on the eating thing. Doing more research lead me to learn she was a Gammamon, yet another recently discovered digimon...

Despite knowing next to nothing about her species, I still loved her all the same. She was a sweet little baby, who’s only downside was her constant need to feel things using her mouth. I still have some teeth marks in my head from yesterday...

She is very smol, so I often carry her around in her little pooket (which is just the hood of my jacket.)

I named her Chihiro, because of the noise she would make. She always went “Chih! Chih!”, and it just made me think, Chihiro from Spirited Away~

That’s all on my partners for now... Seriously though, I hope five is the limit, because I’m bout to run outta money to feed these guys x.x

#Tamersona #Tamersonaweek #Tamersona week 2022 #Digimon #Day 2 #Own art

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megurodivision · 2 years

Text

Yeong's Thoughts on Third Members

Saburo Yamada

"And here, we have the youngest of the Yamada brothers! I tell you, like Vito mentioned, this kid is going to be a nightmare when he gets older! He reminds me a bit of myself when I was his age. Only difference is, I was far less arrogant than him, but he was a lot smarter than me. Kinda surprising he got that way without any parents looming over him. I respect him, really and truly. Now if only we can do something about that superiority complex he's got going on... and his blatant disrespect for anyone who's not his oldest brother..."

Rio Mason Busujima

"I met him one night with Vito. He's a step-up from those teammates of his. I don't envy his way of living, though. I had to do plenty of what he does back when... oops, almost said something I shouldn't have! But anyway, the guy's a good guy, and we'll just leave it at that."

Dice Arisugawa

Yeong sighs at the photo of the gambler. "I can really feel for this kid's situation. But at the same time, I can kind of understand why Saji and Vito are hesitant about being around him. I don't want to call the guy a leech or anything, but damn kid! I know you like to think you have the world's greatest luck and all, but trust me when I say this, luck has a very funny way of changing. And sooner or later, your luck is going to run out. I know you hate living the 'straight and narrow' lifestyle, but the least you can do is get yourself a steady source of income before you go gambling it all away!"

Doppo Kannonzaka

"I don't want to call this guy a 'glutton for punishment' or anything, but its hard not too considering the amount of abuse he gets from his job on a daily basis. I mean, I've seen what this guy can accomplish when he gets pissed off, so why does he just sit back and take all the torment that place gives him? I mean, if I was in his shoes, I'd demand that make me 'Employee of the Month' at least once! ...And yes, I do stress the word, 'demand'."

Rei Amayado

"Ah, the conman, himself. I know my teammates don't care for this guy. I don't really care much for him, myself. Like Vito said, any guy who makes a living tricking people out of their money, no matter what the reason, shouldn't be allowed to walk around with their head so high. Doing something like that makes you no better than a thief in my opinion.

"As much as I hate it, my superiors want me to make contact with this guy. The only reason is due to the knowledge he possesses concerning the Hypnosis Microphones. I have a feeling that he isn't going to give up the information he has on them so easily."

Hitoya Amaguni

"And last but not least, Mr. Heaven & Hell, himself! This guy makes a good drinking buddy, I'll say that right now! Plus, I hear he's into motorcycles, which I know Vito is a fan of. Yeah, needless to say, I like this guy. We should all get a drink together sometime."

#hypnosis mic #hypmic #hypmic oc #hypnosis mic oc #hypnosis microphone #meguro division #dog street club #yeong hajoon #saburo yamada #rio mason busujima #dice arisugawa #doppo kannonzaka #rei amayado #hitoya amaguni

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ghostbergara · 2 years

Note

🔥☀️🌱 for the lgbt asks!! <33

well for 🔥 theres this incredibly long answer ahsjj

for ☀️, yes absolutely!! For starters i guess if you'd count it, helping me discover what trans was and that it was me, Sam Collins majorly and a bunch of others that i don't remember anymore. And then theres one person who really made me feel like i was just allowed to be my queer self however i wanted to.

this is long again, sorry

So there was a family thing for trans kids and their parents at the one (and only) trans... clinic??? department?? in Denmark (i started transitioning around 13) which me and my parents went to, mainly for their sake. Here there were 2 trans men speakers (there was supposed to be a trans woman as well but sadly she was sick) along with a doctor and psychiatrist. They both told their stories. One had gone the very 'stereotypical' or straight route through his transition (he was lowkey sexist too but thats a whole other thing) and the second one, mikey, had gone in every non-traditional route. He was actually speaking after having physically detranstioned, not because he wasnt or isnt trans, but because that was where he was in life right now. He had just had kids with his husband (i think it was his husband, this was a while ago) and was living in.... some other country mainly as far as i can remember. I wont go into his full story but basically his message was you're not any less valid for not going the traditional routes or not fitting into the stereotypes and that there was no 'taking a step back' you were always going forward, you might just take a new path.

First of all, this is what turned my mom from being very unsupportive and angry into being very supportive (to the point where she has made a facebook group for trans parents to make sure others dont go the route she did). and second of all, it helped me let go of this need to fit into all these stereotypes and stupid 'masculinity rules' (aka toxic masculinity) AND most importantly, i had asked him once there were no parents in the room, if i could be gay and still be 'valid' as a trans man. I knew of course that yes you could but for myself i still felt like I couldn't. Hearing from this adult trans man that i respected so much, that even my formerly transphobic mother respected, that of course i could. It made such a big difference to me. I'll be forever grateful to this guy for sharing his story in a room full of sceptical parents and the very clinic that had denied him at the start of his transition and taking his time to answer my question.

And then of course my lovely lovely doctor Katherina Main who is a ray of sun in this terrible system. She is amazing and i love her. She is so invested and enthusiastic about her work and really makes the sometimes hard or awkward medical talks feel light and comfortable. After sexologist klinik (the one trans clinic for young trans people), which is a NIGHTMARE, literally ask ANYONE who's been there its horrible, getting through them and to the medical part, expecting the worst and then meeting Katherina? Biggest relief i have ever felt my entire life. She changes so many trans peoples lives and is a light in our transitions and i hope she knows that!

Yes all of this doesnt really fit the question but goddammit Katherina deserves the recognition

Okay ill try to keep 🌱 short im so sorry 😭

I think honestly younger me would just go "ooooooohhh now it all makes sense!"

LGBTQ+/Queer Themed Asks

#IM SO SORRY I CANT ANSWER THESE SHORTLY #i thought i would be less long winded for this one but apparently not😭#i dont know why im like this akdgbkjds #well thank you for asking<333 #asks #baz answers

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reficu1 · 1 year

Note

Hello! I would like to request a Genshin Match-Up if it would be no trouble! (My apologies in advance for the long read, feel free to ignore this if it proves too troubling)

Name - Alex

Sexuality - Currently Unlabeled (though I believe I have a preference for men? Ultimately gender doesn't matter to me, though I might also be Aspec?)

Gender - Unlabeled, He/They

Likes - Good music (regardless of genre), the sky, respectful/in-depth conversation, character/cinematic analysis, bouncing off of someone else's energy nicely, sources of light and color (say if its visually appealing in regards to lighting and color then my attention can be caught pretty easily), essentially shiny things I guess? (say in forms of accessories, utensils, weaponry, ect)

Dislikes - My loved ones being mistreated, being talked over and never being allowed to get a word in socially, uncomfortable textures/stimuli, lack of communication, moths (yes this is specific, I know.)

Hobbies - Dancing (not publicly), listening to music, writing, cooking, taking quizzes as a way of learning about myself as well as a way of indulging in interests of mine

Personality - I am an INFP-T (though pretty close to being INTP-T), I'm often regarded as wise and/or an intellectual but there are times where that dips and I can come across as a little dumb or slow, it can be situational and it may depend on who you ask. I have been told by several people that they feel comfortable in my presence and that they trust me more than anyone else (in regards to vulnerability for who they truly are instead of the face they put up for others or in that they trust that I'll be honest and that I won't leave them, in the case that they fear abandonment); though I have learned as of this year that I actually come across as intimidating at first (to some at least) and there have been people who have assumed more negative things of me only for said assumptions to later be clarified as incorrect. I am often regarded as calm and quiet more than I actually would think I would be, but overall I am seen as both loud and quiet in a way, its moreso situational I guess. Personally I assume I talk more than I should, especially about myself or things I like to a bothersome extent or I just am straight up too blunt or impulsive with my speech, though I can also see why I would be regarded as quiet as I can have long periods of such to where I'm practically a ghost socially. I do my best to accommodate for others, providing them a comfortable atmosphere and I can be very attentive to others when it comes to there being a dip in their mood, thus I do my best to help them if they so wish (though if they need a respectful distance and some alone time then I'll respect it). I do however have a record of saying concerning things in a casual manner due to my morbid thinking or desensitization to certain things. On a lighter note compared to that though, I have been regarded as witty and very sassy. I am also prone for being petty and spiteful but mainly really out of humor or messing around with people who know me well enough. Speaking of people knowing me well enough, while I may be regarded as observant by some, I actually can be pretty dense socially sometimes as my level of observation had to be actively developed whereas naturally I am prone for missing social cues, so it can be situational, but I will say that someone needs to actively tell me how they percieve me (say as a friend or other) because otherwise I will just assume I am regarded as an acquaintance even if there's consistent/active interaction. It has surprised many people when I've asked for clarification on if we're friends or not because they had assumed us being friends was already established I guess. Once we are established as friends though, I can be rather protective and clingy (though I can also have long periods of social absence/quiet). I have also learned that I am more sentimental than I had first assumed as it is hard for me to let things go and if you give me just about anything as a gift of sorts, I will likely keep it regardless of what it is even though I am not the best at actually giving or accepting gifts as expectations on both ends can overwhelm me and stress me out and I feel bad if I cannot meet those expectations (whether it be giving the right gift or giving an enthusiastic and grateful response, I'm actually quite awkward about it but I have been working on it over time). Also when it comes to interests, if you express you're interested in something I will probably fixate on supporting you on said interest (so long as its not harmful to anybody), I'll learn as much as I can about it so you're free to talk about it to/with me at any time and I'll give you a lot of content related to it (though I do feel like I push it and I delve a little too hard into it), I'll basically do anything I can to understand what it is you like (as my way of connecting socially I guess because I feel I often struggle otherwise).

Insecurities - My trust issues, that I'm either too little or too much to the point of driving other people away, my indecisiveness, my personal interests, how I am a picky eater and very particular about sensory related issues (mainly in regards to food/drinks and clothing) as it makes me feel demanding/high maintenance when I don't intend to be (and no I do not regard others in the same way, I just am a hypocrite in favor of being harder on myself than necessary though I know I probably shouldn't, I have been working on doing cutting myself more slack), my social skills, being unable to meet expectations as some people (in my opinion) expect/think too highly of me, my appearance (I have been working on this though in regards to being more positive about myself), how stiff I can be about leaving my comfort zone (also have been working on this), how there are times I can be argumentative and I may push/carry a subject for longer than its worth (I actually really dislike conflict, I think I just push it because I fear miscommunication as well as me personally not being heard or regarded seriously. In the end I do try to just find a level ground of understanding rather than ultimately trying to be right over someone else though it may not always come across as that way), how while I have been regarded as opinionated, I actually struggle a lot with expressing my opinion as I either fear judgement or negatively effecting others, how I can either be too emotional or too apathetic sometimes (it can lead to inappropriate emotional responses to things sometimes) and finally, my perfectionism.

And that should be it, again I apologize for the assumable long read as well as any redundancies! Try not to stress yourself out on my account and with that I hope you have a lovely day/night!

Hi, Alex, thanks for the details. They helped in the selection of the character. But I want to note about the type of personality. I'm more inclined to the fact that you are an INTP. Maybe even today I will post an analysis of each type of personality without a stereotype (at least I will try)

I match up for you...

Arataki Itto. This is a relationship of complete complementarity. Because of your sensory experience, which is your insecurity. You try to develop your "least advanced functions" by spending a lot of effort on it, after which a person with your sensory skills usually tries to demonstrate the results. This can usually lead other people to think you're pretty smart or good in some area, which can lead to misunderstandings and high expectations. But Itto can fence itself off from any unwanted influences. Of course, such an artistic person will also demonstrate his abilities, but if he wants, he will fulfill the "condition" or "task". But since we are looking at your relationship, it is clearly seen that Itto person who would support you in your "self-development" and other hobbies even join! But if people want to put you in charge or some other "role" that you "should" follow or conform to, then Arataki won't allow you to be treated like that. Perhaps he would dramatically yell at these people or take on this responsibility, depending on the situation. If we consider the main function of Arataki, then we can say that he is independent and independent of other people's opinions, willingly accepting any new help / stories / comfort and also does not make concessions because of "want" or "seems", so when other people misunderstand him , then it does not cause anger, only this theatrical anger. And I can tell how he does not take your blunt remark to heart, perhaps even trying to correct it later. And since you are trying to give comfort to your loved ones, Itto will return to you everything that you gave him emotionally doubly.

#genshin x reader #genshin match up #genshin matchups #arataki x reader #itto x y/n #arataki itto #arataki itto x reader

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