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trashcatsnark · 3 years

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WHY THE FUCK WERE UP SO LATE??? FUCKING UR SO LUCKY I CANT BEAT UR ASS OTHERWISE ITD BE KNUCKLE CITY

anyway, speaking about johnny boy i was thinking about him + nibbles and our like collective desicion that he is essiently a cat and it is really weirdly fitting that it just makes me like ???? so like cats themselves are a reoccuring motif within the game from the start, when u go to viks, when ur chatting up takemura and at the end with the rooftop that also doubles as like the millionith matrix reference. they follow v and they take up the role of the bakeneko, which i think in the game is defined by them appearing near death ? or just disaster. the obvious thing is that it is to do with v's inpending death and their whole sitation but like the general point is like the cat symbolises the death that follows v as the cat follows them. this puts johnny in an interesting sitation from his catlike nature to how he seems to like and get along with nibbles, he is linked with cats. he is also the parasite that is killing v. he is V's bakeneko. their signal of death. the events start because of his relic, jackie dies for him, and soon does most of the cast from act 1, and a large part of the death from then on is a direct result of them trying to solve the relic and johnny's whole presence is a signal for hey v ur fucking dying. he is death for them. the bakeneko.

makes me wonder if his catlike attributes were intentionally done cause that boy aint right or we just accidently walked on a really thematic fitting landmind

Spoilers within, again, also leave my sleeping schedule alone, I do not function. Additionally, I have a lot to say about Nibbles, omens, cats, and pets then how they all relate back to Johnny so congrats on opening a flood gate my friend!

think the thematic thing with Johnny and cats and the bakeneko has to 1000000 percent be intentional, because he even sees a cat when Alt is kidnapped. And that goes back to Cyberpunk Red. Like that was used and utilized and then became such a large part of the story.

Johnny is clearly meant to be a bakeneko; he’s actively next to the cat in that conversation, leaves when it does, see the same cat before Alt’s death, and is again the visual representation of what is happening to V. He is the symbol of their death, whether he wants to be or not.

I think it’s also interesting to note, the Bakeneko, which is described as an omen of death and misfortune isn’t the only way we see cats used thematically within the game. Albeit, this way is more subtle and perhaps intentionally so. We also see the maneki-neko; the lucky cat statues are everywhere in game. In V’s apartment, Misty’s shop, Vik’s clinic. Everyyyyyywhereeeeee.

So, we see two mythological cats from Japanese culture. One brings misfortune and one brings good luck. And Johnny exemplifies both.

Johnny is a visual representation of all that is destroying V. His mere existence and presence a constant reminder that their death is around the corner. An ever present omen that V’s clock is ticking. He also often pops up to have a comment just before massive relic malfunctions and disasters. The end of every main game quest is punctuated with a relic malfunction and a lecture from Johnny.

But without the chip and by extension Johnny, V would already be dead. If the chip hadn’t been the exact right place to be damaged and activated by the gunshot; it would have killed V right then and there. And while this wasn’t an active choice on Johnny’s part, he is the visual representation of the chip. Even then, he later does make an active choice to save V’s life. When V is hit with the worst malfunction yet; Johnny grabs them, “you aren’t dying yet, I got you” and he takes them to safety. He refuses to watch V seize and die in a puddle of their own sick in the middle of nowhere (for me it’s always at the sunset hotel, idk if this changes based on the order you do the events tho) So, he takes control, he eases their pain and takes them somewhere safe, somewhere that means something to him, and swears to die for them.

Luck both good and bad. Fortune and misfortune. A sign of better days and an omen of death. A maneki-neko and a bakeneko. The time bomb in V’s head and the guy who saved their life. He is both.

Now, stepping away from the mythological aspects. Lets talk about Nibbles the cat, Johnny, and pets within Cyberpunk 2077. Animals and by extension pets are considered a luxury in Night City. They’re taxed to fuck and back, generally only the wealthy can have them. Its also often brought up that real friends and family who stick by you are very difficult to come by. V becomes through Nibbles one of the rare people to have a pet. One of the other people who had a pet is, Barry their neighbor.

Barry and his mission is one of the first you can unlock and see in the game. He’s V’s downstairs neighbor and his story is played out so fucking similarly to V’s. Barry lost his best friend, he’s quit his job because he can’t handle the weight of the NCPD’s corruption, and he’s thinking of taking his own life. V has lost Jackie, its stated in game they get less work than usual because of Konpeki (cant be put on a crew), and very early on can say to Misty “be better off putting in my head”.

But for Barry that friend ends up being a pet tortoise. And its clear what that tortoise represents; a constant companion, a safe place, and a comfort. Something Barry couldn’t find among his peers until later on when they learn just how much he’s been hurting. And this is treated as such a tragedy, that he only has a pet to turn to.

And so V gets a cat, because they too are fucking hurting and having a little meowing bundle of skin running around their apartment helps. Something to come home to, something to make that apartment a little less empty, a little more alive.

So, how does this particular aspect of Nibbles/cats/pets relate to Johnny, I hear you wondering (as well as wondering when Im going to shut up). Well, we know Johnny is linked symbolically with cats and thats the choice of pet for V. And we knows pets have been likened to support without judgement; a companion who you can tell everything too and they won’t abandon you.

And while Johnny has heaps of judgment and is a dick. He is V’s only constant companion. I know a good junk of people don’t like him or his commentary; but imagine V’s life without Johnny in it through the game events. Imagine how lonely they’d be.

Johnny is the only one who knows everything and is there with V from the start to the final moments in Mikoshi.

Vik and Misty know, but they’re no edgerunners, they have no idea everything V is doing out there. Part of why as much as I do love Vik, his frustration with V hurts so much in the end because he talks like V hasn’t done anything to save themselves. Because, Vik doesn’t know what V’s been doing this whole time.

Each part of the main quests in Act 2 are linked to an NPC; Judy, Panam, and Takemura. And not one of them know or are there throughout the entirety of V’s journey. Judy doesn’t get told the full details of what’s happening until later in and stops helping V one Evelyn is saved. Panam doesn’t learn the full details or anything really about the chip until much later. And her quests become her own personal journey once V finds Hellman. And then depending on V’s choices, Panam can come in to help at the end. Takemura knows V is dying and is there to help with the parade and then he’s gone; either dead or in hiding. He refers to anything that doesn’t involve him as V’s shady dealings and leaves it at that. He’s there to interrogate Hellman but he doesn’t know all V did to find him. None of them know everything, none of them have been there the whole time. And that’s not a condemnation of them, I do not expect them to drop everything to be glued to V’s side 24/7 but, I can’t fucking imagine how alone V feels.

River has no involvement in any main quests and only finds out anything if V chooses to romance him. Kerry knows what Johnny told him and depending on the ending may even leave V. Again, wanna be clear, that isn’t a condemnation on his character. I understand why he does this and i understand his hurt and how it led him to that.

But this is about how truly fucking alone V is in all of this. Not a single person there start to finish, not a single person knowing all that they have suffered, all that they have been through and are going through.

Except Johnny. He tells V in the oil fields, closest to him by far, there 24/7, yet they don’t seem to hate him. And he’s that for V too; there the entire way, their demon never leaving. Johnny knows everything happening; because he’s part of what’s happening. He’s been there through every struggle, every step, every slap in the face as V’s tried to save themselves. Has felt their pain as they lose themselves, has known the people who’ve had to die for them to get this far, as felt their heart break when all they found was betrayal by the Voodoo Boys, Ai Alt asking how V’s life is her problem, getting recommended a hospice by Hellman.

And as dickish as he is, his comments help. V always has someone there, as much as he sucks. He always has something stupid or naggy to say to help keep some of that weight off their shoulders. Imagine if they didn’t even have that. If Johnny never talked to them, never showed his face.

A constant companion, like a supportive pet cat except he can talk and did a lot of meth.

And this is a sidenote that has nothing to do with cats specifically, but that through Samurai music this isn’t the first time Johnny could be compared to an omen. Its no secret that the music was largely created around the game and as such, many of his songs have direct parallels and messages related to the game. Never Fade Away while in universe written in regards to Alt’s death also has so much in common with his journey with V. This brings me to the song Black Dog.

“Black Dog inside my head, guiding me until the end.”

Black Dogs are figures in Irish Mythology who much like bakeneko’s are talked about in game; are omens of death and misfortune. I just find it interesting I suppose, like Johnny is either a dirty alley cat or a big mangy dog, but either way he’s here cause someones about to die.

Okay this is well over a thousand words, Imma shut up now. This is probably a mess, but anyone here for coherency is in the wrong place.

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #cyberpunk 2077 spoilers #johnny silverhand #silverv #tender-wounds

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drivingsideways · 3 years

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Misaeng review

Ok, it's been almost a week, so I feel like I can get my thoughts (somewhat) in order. As usual, I'm late to the party, given that Misaeng aired 6 years ago, and is already considered a kdrama classic. Still: thoughts!

(under the cut)

I came to this drama with quite a lot of expectations, both because I'd seen it on a lot of rec lists, and also because I'd watched director Kim Won-seok's Signal and My Mister, which are justifiably as beloved as Misaeng. I'm happy to report that Misaeng mostly lived up to those expectations!

The writing & direction work together to make Misaeng a very immersive experience, which is good, considering the entire run time is over 20 hrs. The level of seemingly mundane detail of the operational aspects of running a trading firm that they delve into (and other dramas might have avoided for sake of pacing) seemed odd to me at first, but eventually result in a world building that's incredibly well fleshed out. The (formerly unlikely!) high stakes of a misplaced piece of paper or octopuses in a shipment of squid end up being parts of an emotionally wrenching narrative whole fairly seamlessly. Still, at 20+ hours, Misaeng also does get into the kind of pacing issues that most of the slice of life kdramas I've watched so far have. And it didn't need to! I think it had a wonderful ensemble of characters, and if they'd maybe given a little more time and space to characters other than Jang Geu-Rae (Im Si wan) and Oh Sang-sik (Lee Sung-min), the mid portions may not have felt quite so, well, stuck.

But more than the strong writing and direction, it was really the actors who delivered. They made what could have easily been a dull-ish office drama into a heart warming story about human connection and the joys and troubles of leading an "incomplete life". I'd never watched Lee Sung-min in anything before, and about half way through the series I was like, HOW IS HE MAKING A SHORT TEMPERED, ALCHOHOLIC MIDDLE MANAGER SO SEXY? Like, serious props, dude. Lee Sung-min is by turns annoying and brash and too shout-y and stubborn and funny and so incredibly vulnerable as a man trying his best to live by his principles in a world that thinks they are an impediment to "success", that you forget that he's playing a fictional character-- he's someone you know, he's someone you've seen in the mirror.

His performance as Oh Sang-sik is very ably matched by Im Si Wan's Jang Geu-Rae. This series would not have worked if these two actors didn't have the chemistry they do, and play off each other in every scene. I had watched Im Si Wan recently- in JTBC's "Run On", in which I liked his performance quite a lot, but I absolutely loved him as the naive and endearing Jang Geu-rae. Misaeng, is in part, a bildungsroman narrative centered around Jang Geu Rae. Im Si wan brought a kind of vulnerability to the role that might have felt cloying and emotionally manipulative in the hands of other actors, but Im Si-wan manages to do it with a light touch. I feel he's one of those actors that uses his whole body in a scene, not just relying on facial or verbal expression, and it's a joy to watch.

Each of the other actors in the ensemble also bring that dedication and talent to their roles, even if it's in a single scene. There are lots of one-off characters that we meet during the course of the series, and every single one of them leaves an impact.

But! I'm going to pick a fave from the supporting cast and that's Byun Yo-han, whom I'd last watched as the broody, troubled (and very sexy) swordsman Lee Bang-ji in Six Flying Dragons. I can't imagine a character more in opposition to that one than Han Seok-yul in Misaeng, but Byun Yo-han just knocks it out of the park as the scheming, cheerful and mostly inappropriate clown with a heart of gold; Han Seok-yul is the definition of Chaotic Good, and you're equal parts horrified by his antics- which include sexual harassment dont @ me -- and yet charmed by him. I wish they'd given him a few more scenes and a larger plotline to work with, but I also suspect that he might have just walked away with the entire series if they did that. (Am I plotting that series in my head as I write this? MAYBE.)

Alright, this is getting a bit too long, so I'm going to get to the bits that disappointed me. That's really one major thing: the gender politics. I don't know how different the show is from the web toon it's based on, so I can't tell whether they made significant changes to the basic plot and characters. As in- I have no idea if the webtoon was as male dominated in every way as the show is, so I'm not sure how much of the show's treatment of women as a class, and its female characters in particular, I should lay at the door of the original writer vs the screenwriter and director. I'm also lacking the Korean context in which this was written and made and aired, so you may take my criticism with a pinch of salt, if you please!

That the show features mainly male characters is perhaps unsurprising and realistic, since we know that the kind of corporate life it depicts is very male dominated, top to bottom. The show also portrays the very real and horrific overt and subtle misogyny that women face in the workplace and out of it; mainly in the character of Ahn Young-yi, played with steely determination and quiet suffering by the lovely Kang so-ra. There are only 3 other female characters that have any sort of real speaking role- Sun Ji Young (played by Shin Eun jung), a senior manager at the company, Jang Geu-rae's unnamed(!) mother (played by the amazing Sung Byoung-Sook) and Oh Sang-sik's unnamed (!) wife (played by Oh Yoon-Hong, who's a delight in every tiny scene she has). There are other women who appear but in very minor roles, and often in "comedy" moments that often rely on sexist tropes to start with.

Anyway, right there you can see one of the problems- 4 women characters that have any kind of real screen time, and only 2 of them are named. Aigoo! Screenwriter Jung Yoon-jung is a woman, and like, I don't like putting the burden on any one woman to y'know fix structural misogyny, but I can't also help feeling disappointed that she overlooked even this "small" thing among the larger things.

But that apart, the main issue for me was that while the show doesn't shy away from depicting egregious sexism in the form of sexual harrassment, verbal and physical and certainly emotional abuse, in a manner that's clear that we are meant to be horrified by it--it falls short of depicting how women deal and work with it. It just doesn't give enough space to women or their worldview.

It's very comfortable depicting victimhood, but doesn't put work into depicting the ways in which women survive by finding solidarity with other women. We have a scene or two where Ahn Young-yi who is this show's poster child for female victimhood interacts with the older women who offer sympathy and understanding, but no real strategy or support. And yes, we see men also being targeted by their seniors for the grossest verbal and physical abuse; and it's men who help Ahn Young-yi strategise on how to deal with her situation. Real life experience tells me that it's the women who do this work for other women. I have certainly been on both sides of this equation, for one, and so has every woman that I know in corporate life. And yes, one of the show's core philosophies is that those who endure, survive--but it is none the less extremely painful to watch Ahn Young yi "endure" the kind of abuse she does as a coping strategy and a survival strategy.

At the end of it, when she slowly manages to gain the support of her sexist team, it's shown as a victory-- though naturally imperfect, because this show takes its Realism very seriously (right until the end where it makes a tonal shift into quirky that I was a little ?? about)-- and y'know, sure, it is a victory. And I absolutely understand the choices she makes and why she does it-- I guess I just got annoyed by the fact that other antagonistic figures in the narrative get a more straightforward comeuppance for their egregious behavior, but Ahn Young-yi doesn't even get a goddamned apology from her abusers. Instead, we have a half humourous, half serious moment where she comments on how she's working at turning herself into "someone cute"- because she understands now that sometimes the right strategy is to "go with the flow". Be the water that slowly wears away at the rock. It's an interesting moment- the men she tells this to are taken aback by her bluntness, but also a little clueless about what she means. It's the kind of nuance that I would and do enjoy. Unfortunately, it also closely follows one of the show's most annoying scenes at the tail end of the series- where it tries to play off workplace sexism and misogyny as comedy- boys being boys-Reader, when I tell you that I had to WORK to unclench my jaw--!

I'm not saying we should have a single and obvious narrative of female emancipation. I'm not against realism in fiction, but god, sometimes, please do remember that when we look for escapism, we are actually imagining a better world. The first step toward liberation is allowing yourself to imagine it.

And the show does allow other characters its moments of unfettered fantasy- Im Si Wan parkour-ing all over the rooftops of Amman- and having a semi mystical + Indiana Jones moment in the deserts of Jordan--so why, I ask, are the women not given that gift?

*looks into the camera *

Tl;dr: I enjoyed it, it made me cry every episode, and I cared about all the characters, and if you haven't watched it yet, treat yourselves.

PS. Yes, Han Seok-yul is a disaster bi, sorry, I don't make the rules. Yes, hotties Oh Min Seok and Kang Ha-neul are canonically naked in a hot tub six feet apart because they are bros. Yes, I will be writing the fix it in which they fuck like angry bunnies. Yes, I am going to put my shipper cooties all over this gen slice of life show, deal with it.

#misaeng #kdrama #thinky thoughts

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readingaccountability · 3 years

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snow crash - neal stephenson

my playlist (because of The Way That I Am)

final thoughts:

okay, im going to be honest right out of the gate- i cant decide whether this is a book id recommend or not. it was really fun for the most part, but personally there was a lot more exposition than id like. the early portions of the novel have exposition which feels completely fair, mostly things relating to worldbuilding. stephenson creates his own vision of future america, and some places online referred to it as cyberpunk, and some as post-cyberpunk. id be more in the latter camp, mostly due to the way he plays with tropes, leaving the reader unsure of which will be subverted and which wont.

the use of language was really fun, and i enjoyed the worldbuilding a lot. his vision of a futuristic capitalistic earth feels surreal in its immediacy and recognizability. the back jacket blurb ends with "a future america so bizarre, so outrageous, you'll recognize it immediately." which, yeah. a texan info-tech magnate? two competing corporations owning the highway system? suburban city-states? this was another enjoyable thing- everything was colorfully named, and names treated totally normally, which kind of poked fun at how we have everyday things named very ludicrously and for the most part we are totally blind to it.

one aspect i really enjoyed was that the author often doesn't make certain things clear to the audience, until he does, and then it becomes necessary to reassess the entire story and setting. this goes to underscore the theme of the importance of information and the ways we take it in and perceive the world based upon it. for example, we don't learn that y.t. is fifteen until maybe 75 pages in, at which point a lot makes sense in retrospect. the same thing occurs in the worldbuilding, as suddenly a detail is given in passing and the reader must incorporate it into the setting, which by default we assume to be similar in many ways to our idea of america. it keeps the reader on their toes as well as furthering the worldbuilding. for the most part, the tech stuff didnt feel outdated to me, despite being a future projected out from '92.

however, aspects of the book are definitely very 1992. id put these into two camps: the first, being that the book does at different times use slurs. the main character is black and asian, the n word is used a few times by racist side-character/antagonist types, as are a few other racial slurs. there was also the occasional usage of the r slur, within the narrative prose itself, rather than usage as an insult within dialogue.

the protagonist, who is named, unfortunately, hiro protagonist, is a great character and felt very fleshed out to me, though at times he reminded me more of dirk strider than normally would be ideal. (its obvious that stephenson and andrew hussie are of a similar type of writer, and play with similar tropes, lmao.) hiro is a man of many worlds. he seems to shift between them easily, though never fully existing in any of them. this is reflected in his background, both in his biracial identity and in having been raised on a myriad of army bases. this is layered further in his fluidity in interacting with both reality and the metaverse, yet remaining slightly, consistently aloof. fascinatingly the first moment i sensed this drop was when we meet juanita- aka where his real and meta realities coincide. the description of them as the adam and eve of the metaverse is both insanely romantic and thematically key (good god i wish we had more than like, two conversations between them). juanita designed the facial component to metaverse avatars, doing the majority of this work when the two were together, and hiro can see echoes of both their facial tics in the face of every avatar in the metaverse. in a way, by having done this work juanita is positioned by the narrative as one of the gods of this digital realm. she is also hiro's call to action, being aware of the coming trouble and alerting him to it, as well as connecting him to the informational database he needs to prepare.

y.t., the secondary protagonist, fucking ruled. i loved that she was just a fifteen year old punkass kid whose mom doesnt know how crazy this part time job is. y.t. being worried about her mom was a great thread throughout, and a really good balance to how obviously independent y.t. is. i do wish there had been a chance to explain more about her background (she has a dad who left who is mentioned in a throwaway sentence, and a boyfriend who is mentioned near the beginning but never again.) i really enjoyed how obviously hyperaware y.t. was at all times about her own place within the insanities of the setting, while also consistently writing her as a teen maybe in way too deep who thinks about things in typically teenage ways. but like, that wasn't ever held against her? the narrative meets her where she is. it was honestly awesome. HOWEVER,

i absolutely hated the raven and y.t. scenes. how creepy!!! he basically statutory rapes her!!! we know hes at least late 20s early 30s, because hes the same age as hiro. if this sort of content is upsetting to read for you, i definitely do NOT recommend this book. (if you want to avoid reading these bits: ch 47 y.t. meets raven, ch 50 they are in a bar eating, ch 52 things happen that result in y.t.'s anti-assault device activating- she did not activate it on purpose, but forgot it was there- and raven is knocked out.)

please PLEASE dont take any of the following analysis as like, trying to be apologetic towards this scenes. because again they were awful and hard to get through and really gross. but im also cognizant that the author was obviously trying to convey something by making the choice, like the way it was written is obviously not condoning this sort of thing.

i think maybe what stephenson was trying to get at with that, was that we see hiro internally negate any potential for anything untoward with y.t. basically immediately, since he kind of senses that she might have a small crush on him (though this doesnt last more than a fleeting moment, especially from her perspective). vs raven, whose 'poor impulse control' warning tattoo eventually elicits a sarcastic remark from hiro after he finds out raven and y.t. were "a thing". i really dont think hiro knew how far it went? like it was just suuuper weird, but i figured it was meant narratively to 1. execute the chekovs gun of y.t.'s anti-assault device, 2. contrast hiro and raven (especially considering the bike-racing argument where theyre telling the story together, which is supposed to parallel them, while contrasting the differences in how they ended up?), and 3. just to get raven unconscious, i guess. but good god it was weird and i hated every second of it, why couldnt the device have like, activated way earlier?? gah. fucking upsetting. moving past that!

honestly i was really frustrated by how little screentime juanita got, because the way she was introduced was so fucking interesting and then shes mostly off doing her own thing. the bits of explanation she gives at the end about what she was up to on the raft are so sparse and im like damn, can we get a little bit of her pov in here? please? that would have ruled. additionally, shes supposed to be hiros love interest, but we see so little of them interacting outside her intro scenes. a huge portion of why hiro is getting into the sumerian mythology is literally framed as something that will help him understand juanita, but we dont get to see him talk to her about it barely at all.

the supporting characters were quite fun, i particularly liked the librarian. big surprise, i liked the overly literal ai information-dispensor, lmfao. watching him and hiro interact reminded me SO hard of geordi laforge having honest to god conversations with the computer where he tries to coax information out of it, aka one of my favorite little aspects of tng.

and lastly, the major plot themes themselves. i adore the way stephenson approached action, it was very entertaining. usually i cant really visualize action scenes written out, but his use of language was really really effective and engaging. the plot itself was absolutely fascinating, though i found the premise pretty contrived. which isnt bad in itself, i was fully suspending my disbelief until the last hundred pages or so. which for a 550+ page book, isnt too bad.

i did like the approach of linking the ancient to the modern, that is always really neat. and i think ultimately stephenson did it in an interesting way, not how i would have done it, but definitely interesting! creating these ideas about information infrastructures, and there being words that can access those and be used to control people, was wild. not sure if i agree about the equating of religion to a virus, though he did specifically establish that it was more the approach to religion, than religion itself. (maybe if juanita had been more goddamn present in the narrative that could have been elaborated on a little more. literally her perspective would have been perfect in balancing that out!!)

ultimately what did me in was the very very very long winded MONOLOGUE where hiro re-explained the whole premise, in ways that didnt really neatly organize into a cohesive argument. a lot of the scenes where hiro talks to the librarian, which are interspersed throughout the book, are really exposition heavy, because stephenson is rooting his ideas in historical concepts that need to be explained to both hiro and the audience. and i thought all that was fine, because it was a conversation where hiro was grappling with the information, and he was figuring it out along with the reader, and most importantly it was a conversation between him and the librarian computer program.

howeverrr later on we get a full rehash of all that, where hiro makes clear some stuff that was just implied for the reader, and hes literally just telling these important men whats up in this big long monologue. utterly worthless. i kept reading it and going YEAH, we KNOW, we know this we know this. and the important men barely interjected. it added basically nothing to our understanding of the situation, other than reframing it. but everything added was already an implicit thing, and didnt really need to be said again.

the resolution to the book was stellar, the last 30-40 pages, once hiro is onto the raft, were great. ultimately after reading and giving some time to digest it, i think it was a solidly great book with a few big drawbacks near the end, but which dont carry through and sully the ending.

#bookblr #book tag #snow crash #neal stephenson #reading progress update #book review #cyberpunk #post-cyberpunk #god this is long #kind of ended up being book report esque... elementary school vibes. i fucking love it ngl #original post #playlist series

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gather-ye-sinners · 4 years

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Hii are requests really open?? (I know its a dumb question but i always get anxiety because im afraid i sent one at the wrong time). But like yeah, can i have headcanons for the bucci gang and what they would do with an s/o that suffers from hypocondria/nosophobia and is really scared of getting sick? Consider this a reference to the present coronavirus outbreak that has been giving me extreme anxiety :( ... also your blog is very cute and all your pieces are amazing keep it up 💖

Heck yeah, they’re open bb no worries! Thank you doll! I got your back for this one. Remember to wash/sanitize your hands gang. Cover your cough and if you feel sick and can, see a doctor just to be safe. I hope this brightens your day!

Bucci Gang x Hypochondriac/Nosophobic! S/O

Warnings: Discussion of Disease, Discussion of Fear, and Possibly Triggering Content.

Bruno Buccellati:

As a professional gang mom, he’s worried right along with you.

Mainly about Mista for obvious reasons.

He’s aware of all the panic buying going on and does his best to get the necessary items.

Soap, wipes, food, and medicine.

He does his best to try and calm your anxiety.

He’ll wash his hands with you and make up random songs.

His favorite so far is one he made up about fish that’s very catchy.

He might start humming it to calm you down.

He’ll help you clean whatever you ask and do any amount of laundry you acquire.

You might have to chastise him about zippering things away instead of cleaning them.

Who needs gloves if you can zip it and forgit it!

He personally thinks Giorno won’t let anything happen to the gang and suspects he has some sort of Golden Experience shenanigans going on.

Fugo did tell him about their fight with Illuso, so he wouldn’t be surprised if he did something like that.

He assures you you will be safe and well protected as his S/O.

He knows words aren’t much, but he’s taken to hugging you with Sticky Fingers.

He can’t be contaminated if he’s technically not real right?

Leone Abbacchio:

He’s mad cuz his Opera got postponed.

He had box seats with the best view in the house god damnit!

He’s personally not very worried.

“It’s just like a bad cold right?”

He loves you though so he’ll help you buy supplies.

He’s touched you care about his health too.

Tries to be supportive, he’s very worried about you.

In fact, even Moody Blues is worried.

You’re the only one to hear the gentle whirrs and whizzes of comfort Moody can make.

Really into the idea of hunkering down with you until it blows over.

His heart soars at the idea of doing domestic things with you.

Also, people are disgusting.

He tries to take your mind off of it by doing stuff with you.

He’s not usually the type to play entertainer, but for you, he’ll make an exception.

He’ll put on some classical music, dress in a nice suit complete with gloves and ask you to dance.

He’s one hell of a waltzer and likes to dance.

If you tell the gang though Corona will be the least of your worries.

Guido Mista:

This is the worst time to try to love this man.

Noah fence but he’s stinky.

The least concerned about it.

He’ll buck up and start being cleaner if he sees how shaken up you are.

The gang will thank you.

He’s got a holster for his gun now, and a full-length sweater.

You will have to coerce him into showering with you.

“Baaaabe! It’s no fun getting clean all by myself~”

The Sex Pistols start chastising Mista on your behalf.

It’s quite the show to watch a grown man be scolded by his six tiny sons.

Number 5 will tell Mista to use his tears to wash his hands if he has no water around.

Doesn’t mind staying inside and helping you clean.

Makes the Pistols help clean too.

They’ll be so happy if you make them their own little masks.

He’s not perfect with stuff like this but he tries.

Narancia Ghirga:

He won’t let on to it but he’s almost as concerned as you are.

He’s the type to listen to all news and accept it as fact.

He might not be much help.

He’ll help you stock up and hunker down in safety.

He can send Aerosmith for stuff if he needs to.

It’s just a little theft.

Not to rag on everyone’s fav orange boy but he’s an enabler.

He doesn’t mean to be, he’s just a bit naive.

Panic buys until Buccellati, or Abba tell him to knock it off.

He holds you tight to try and quell your anxieties, but being a bundle of nerves himself isn’t the best.

He can be oddly serious if you have a panic/anxiety attack though.

He gets you water and helps you in the best way he knows how.

Having fun of course!

If the gang decides to hunker down in the mansion together you can bet your ass he’ll be arranging games to pass the time.

His smash main is Pit.

His alt is Dark Pit.

If he decides to help you clean, your whole house will smell like orange disinfectant.

No negotiations.

Pannacotta Fugo:

If you thought his Purple Haze fear was bad hoo boy.

I’d go as far as to say he already has a stash of cleaning supplies.

He and Trish are cleaning buddies.

You two will be the most prepared.

Master of handwashing

May be attached to Buccellati’s Fish song.

As irrational as he feels it is to prepare for things like this, his stand’s existence, for once, puts his worry of judgment at ease.

He still refuses to let Purple Haze out though.

His favorite way to pass the time is curled around you reading.

If you ask nice he’ll read to you.

He does different voices for fiction works.

Will do everything in his power to help you calm down and get in a clear and functioning headspace.

Surprisingly good at meditating and mellowing out quietly if that’s what you like.

Really wants nothing more than to hunker down with you and hibernate it all out.

He has the comfiest room stocked full of books and board games.

Giorno Giovanna:

Really has no worry.

Golden Experience can take care of it just like it did with Purple Haze.

Has no real intention of doing this unless someone in the gang gets sick.

Reassures you of this every time you bring up your anxieties.

He’ll hold you tight and whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

His tactic is reassurance and comforting.

He’ll make you your favorite flowers and animals.

He’ll send cute little ladybugs that transform into loving notes.

He’s the Don now so anything you want you will have.

Hand sanitizer? Cool, he’ll send the newbies.

Face masks and gloves? They raided Cioccolata’s old place not that long ago and he had hella.

He’s very good at grounding techniques.

He just wants you to know you’re safe and protected.

Trish Una:

Oh lordy, this isn’t going to go well.

Trish being Mysophobic and you being Nosophobic usually play into each other well.

No germs, no diseases.

During an event like this though? Y’all are gonna be a mess.

She has a stockpile of Bed, Bath and Beyond and Bath and Body Works sanitizer.

She likes the glitter.

Your best bet will be to hunker down with her and wait it out.

Fugo and his S/O would hunker down with you if you need more company.

She likes to cuddle tight and watch whatever.

Enjoys baking and art type shows. They’re soothing.

Her guilty pleasure show is Say Yes to the Dress.

She might not be much help with your anxiety.

She’ll help you clean of course, but when it comes to your overwhelming thoughts they scare her too.

Luckily you have Bruno and the rest of the gang to help you out.

#bruno buccellati x reader #leone abbacchio x reader #abbacchio x reader #guido mista x reader #mista x reader #narancia x reader #narancia ghirga x reader #pannacotta fugo x reader #fugo x reader #giorno giovanna x reader #giorno x reader #trish x reader #trish una x reader #nosophobia #hypocondriac #potentially triggering

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choices-and-voices · 3 years

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hi sorry if this has already been asked somewhere but im was wondering if you had any tips on how to get the best experience without having to pay ?

Hi there! Don’t worry, this question hasn’t been asked before, and I am honestly super flattered that you value my opinion enough to ask it ☺️ I’m not sure how helpful my tips will be because I don’t exactly consider myself an expert in this, but here are some things that came to mind! I’ve gone into quite a bit of detail, but if you want a quicker overview, just stick to the bold headings. Also, if any of the people reading this have good tips of their own, please lmk! I’m always learning new things about how to do this too 💕

1. This one’s a bit obvious, but still – take the opportunities that the game gives you to earn free diamonds. That means watching the bonus ads every day (5 diamonds/day), playing through chapters as often as you can (including replaying old books if there are no new releases – 2 diamonds/chapter), and watching ads at the end of book chapters for an extra diamond. Obviously, all this is a bit of a balancing act – you want to be playing Choices often enough to build up your diamonds, but not so often that it takes over your life and makes you feel frustrated, because what’s the point of it if it’s not fun anymore, y’know? So I’ve always been careful not to overdo it. Even if all you do is watch the bonus ads every day, that’s 35 diamonds/week – basically, one big diamond scene a week – which is honestly not too shabby.

2. At any one time, only play 1-2 books that you’re really invested in, and try to supplement that with another 2-3 books that you’re not really invested in or are replaying just for diamonds. As tempting as it can be to rush through every good-looking book in the app all at once, that just leads to a situation where a) you’re trying to divide your free keys between waaay too many releases, and b) there are so many demands on you for diamonds, you never get to consistently spend them on anything. So I personally think it’s best to only read a couple of good books at once, and instead of marathoning them, break them up with chapters from less-good books – this builds up your diamond stash for spending on the good books. Which leads into my next point:

3. Don’t zip through books too fast – even if most of the chapters are already released, spreading them out helps you earn more diamonds for them in the meantime. I’m really lucky to have been playing Choices for so long that almost all the books were presented to me in weekly release format – if I downloaded the app for the first time today, and saw all the fully-released books on there, I feel like I would be way too overwhelmed to play. So I reckon that, even if a book isn’t technically a weekly release for you, make it a weekly release! You might decide to play all the books you’re really invested in on a particular day when you have more free time – say, a Sunday. Then, you have Monday-Saturday every week to earn diamonds for those books, and something to look forward to at the end of it all. As for what you do with those diamonds:

4. Be smart about what you spend diamonds on. There are a couple of different components to this tip – it involves things like a) figuring out which types of purchases are worth diamonds in general, b) figuring out which types of purchases you want to prioritise in certain books, and c) planning ahead before you start playing a book chapter about where you might want to spend diamonds. To address each of those things one-by-one:

a) Figure out which types of purchases are worth diamonds in general. Off the top of my head, there are 6 main types of diamond purchases in Choices: ‘friendly’ scenes with LIs (12-25 diamonds), ‘steamy’ scenes with LIs (25-30 diamonds), scenes with your whole friendship group, collectible items (e.g. the tapestry pieces in Bloodbound, the clues in Veil of Secrets, etc.), outfits, and pets. Your mileage may vary a lot on which of these are most important to you, so take my opinions with a grain of salt. But my general advice would be to i) prioritise group scenes above LI scenes, ii) prioritise ‘friendly’ LI scenes above ‘steamy’ LI scenes, iii) avoid collectibles, and iv) go for outfits and pets only if you really like the look of them. This advice is based on the fact that, firstly, I think you get a better experience of immersion in a book if you know a bit about all the characters around MC, rather than just about one LI; secondly, ‘friendly’ LI scenes tend to tell you more about the LI than ‘steamy’ scenes, which are often 80-90% copied-and-pasted erotica despite being more expensive; thirdly, collectibles are a massive drain on diamond stores, and almost always unlock quite short, generic scenes that it’s easy to find on Tumblr or YouTube; and fourthly, both outfits and pets don’t do much except appear in the story at key moments, which can be a really nice touch but is still only needed in moderation. Of course, there are exceptions to these rules, and you might find that those exceptions are sometimes book-specific. Which leads me to Part B of this point:

b) Figure out which types of purchases you want to prioritise in certain books. It’s all well and good for me to say that group scenes are usually better than LI scenes, but when I’m playing a book with an amazing LI but a pretty meh supporting cast (*cough cough* Myra Dixon carries Baby Bump on her shoulders *cough cough*), I obviously may need to adjust my spending habits slightly. Moreover, by focusing all your diamond spending on just one main thing per book – like Myra’s romance in Baby Bump, or the party’s side-quests in Blades of Light and Shadow, or the posse in Queen B – I think you end up with a much better playing experience, because you feel like you’re seeing at least one facet of the story in-depth instead of getting a patchy surface view of lots of different facets. For the most part, the purchases you prioritise in a book can mostly depend on personal taste, but there are a few books where some background knowledge might be helpful in the decision. Four things that I think are worth flagging are that i) the ‘competition books’ (America’s Most Eligible, Queen B, Hot Couture) do require regular outfit purchases to win, although winning isn’t that much better an experience than being runner-up; ii) Veil of Secrets and Nightbound are two books where it’s worth saving 30-35 diamonds for the final chapter, because your MC is forced to leave the small-town setting if you don’t; iii) Across the Void is a book that frequently invites you to spend diamonds to save characters’ lives, but their death arcs are honestly much better-written and more sensible than their survival arcs; and iv) the It Lives series is the only one where characters can die due to an accumulation of choices you make throughout the story, so maybe it’s worth keeping some diamonds in reserve for that one. Which just leaves us with one more sub-point:

c) Plan ahead before you start playing a book chapter about where you might want to spend diamonds. I want to take this opportunity to thank whichever people in the fandom maintain the Choices wiki, because oh my gosh, they are lifesavers. For the last year or so, my response whenever a new Choices chapter is released has been to wait a few hours, Google ‘[book name] choices’, open the wiki result, and skim through to check how many diamond choices are available & how much they cost. Because all the wiki includes are the possible responses to every choice presented – it doesn’t even state the wording of the choice itself – this is a relatively spoiler-free technique that helps a lot with big picture planning. For example, you might decide not to buy an early group scene because there’s a nicer-sounding LI scene later on, and come to think of it, you should replay a few more chapters of another book first to save up the diamonds for that scene. If you don’t mind encountering just a few more spoilers before you play the chapter, you can also scout out its diamond scenes in more detail by searching the relevant book or character tags on Tumblr, or by looking for a chapter stream on YouTube. You may decide that you don’t need to buy a diamond scene if you’ve already seen it played through by someone else, or alternatively, you may decide whether or not to buy a diamond scene based on how good it looks in an existing playthrough – in either case, these techniques can help you thoughtfully ration out the diamonds you have, instead of being caught off-guard whenever a diamond choice comes up.

5. On the subject of the Choices wiki, it’s also a great way to maximise your success in books without using diamonds. Whenever there’s a ‘right’ option to a choice that gives you a better outcome later in the chapter, that’s indicated in the wiki. So with a bit of pre-reading of the wiki before you play the chapter, and/or with the wiki open on a separate screen as you play, you can get the best outcome without having to buy that outfit or bonus scene that promised you ‘an advantage.’ Obviously, your mileage may vary on whether this method is actually worth it, or whether it takes all the fun out of Choices by ‘cheating’ at the gaming aspect. I personally view Choices as more of an interactive story app than a game I’m trying to beat, so I have no issue with this method, but opinions may differ and that’s okay.

6. If you’re really feeling like a lack of diamonds is limiting your playing experience, it may be best to start out with ‘cheaper’ books until you have more diamonds stored up. In this case, I’m using ‘cheaper’ to mean books where there are fewer diamond scenes, where diamond scenes are less expensive, and/or where diamond scenes don’t play as big a role in the plot. It can be hard to identify which books fit this bill, but as a general rule, it’s more likely to be the earlier-released ones or less-popular ones. Some which I’d recommend are the first few books of the Freshman series, the #LoveHacks series, the High School Story series, the Perfect Match series, Most Wanted, The Heist: Monaco, Wishful Thinking, Bachelorette Party, and The Royal Masquerade.

7. Finally, a really quick tip for making the most out of free keys – keys are used up as soon as you start a book chapter, and refresh ~every 3 hours. This means that, even if you don’t have time to play chapters every 3 hours, you should try to open the app roughly that often and just click to unlock a chapter. When you finally have time to play, you’ll have a whole lot of chapters ready to go plus another two refreshed keys, and you can power through them at whatever speed you need to fit in them into your break time or to earn diamonds for an upcoming release. Once again, this is a tip that may need to be practised in moderation, because you don’t want to be constantly interrupting your life to load up an app on your phone. But even if you just log in and unlock chapters every 6 hours, or every 12 hours, that’s still 2-4 extra chapters ready for you at the end of the day plus your two free keys.

I think that’s about all for my tips! Thanks for reading, and I hope it helped at least a bit ❤️

#playchoices #choices: stories you play #asks #asked & answered #original post

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booksbookandmorebooks · 3 years

Text

Emma in the night Book review.

Hello there my lovelies, I know its been a little while since I last posted and I have honestly missed doing this so much, so thank you to anyone still here and still supporting me, it means the absolute world.

As everyone is fully aware 2020 was an awful one but hopefully this year we can aim for a little more positivity and happiness, which is why im back today with a review of my first read of this year and bloody hell did I pick a goodun! So this is my first review for my first book of 2021, enjoy!

The writing style

One of my favourite things about this book was the different points of view you get to experience and how well they mesh together. For example, we are told very early on that the events Cass is recalling aren’t exactly what you would call accurate and that she has spent months planning and creating this false narrative in an order to manipulate the people she's describing them to (which in itself is something I always get drawn into, the mystery and the need to figure out the characters motives and intentions along side the biggest question of all WHY?! Which is a question will find yourself screaming at the pages) This is made very apparent from the use of the choppy and restrictive way that these scenes are written. Wendy also somehow manages to create a feeling of desperation and messiness whilst having the characters maintaining such a mellow and collected exterior, you know the calm before the storm! Which is such a jarring feeling but one that realty captured and immersed me. A feeling I don’t think is easy to convey through a book format. That in itself is a testament to Wendy’s talent as a writer.

When you compare Cass’ chapters and inner dialogue to detective Abby’s they are so different but when they are looked at side by side they create a very interesting contrast that as I said before works so well, while there is a calm chaos to Cass’ words there is in turn a very structured and balanced feel to Abby's, almost a little detached like you were reading sections cut directly from a police case file. Through this constant difference in characters POVS the story flowed flawlessly and at the perfect pace for a thriller book.

The climax of the book was not just shocking but also depicted so well in how the writing matched the pace of the reveal, the whole book alternates between cass and Abby with each chapter assigned to one of the characters but towards the end you see that the different POVs are whittled down to single sentences or just a few paragraphs that get shorter and shorter as the tension builds, creating this intense feeling of panic, alert and fear. A method that I swear had my heart physically racing at the end! It was like watching a classic cat and mouse scene play out in my hands/

I also have to mention that very last chapter. I'm sorry for waffling on but please bare with me. For a book based around secrets and deception the ending was that of a perfect one because of its ability to make you feel like after reading it you now share a secret with Cass and you are now part of this extremely messed up story and family, you have this understanding of her whole character and her motives which really brings everything full circle.

The character development:

The character development in this book is one of the best ive seen in awhile with each character being incredibly layered and yet undeniably flawed. Its done in such a human way that it doesn’t feel too far fetched like some thrillers ive read in recent years. Ensuring that all of the emotions tied in with said characters hit 10 times harder than that of those very basic 2 dimensional characters, even the worst people in this story have a difficult background or some type of abusive past, just a catalyst for their behaviours and characteristics and by gradually being informed of them you and being given the bigger picture you almost create an individual relationship and opinion on them ranging from hatred to pity. We get amazing development in every single one even the seemingly unimportant ones because even they are given enough backstory to still secure a connection of some kind with them, something I know we can all appreciate as readers.

The relationships.

The main relationship ill focus on is that of the sisters Cass and Emma. I know there are a lot of relationships in this book that over lap and intertwine in really interesting and sometimes awful ways but as these two characters are the basis of our main storyline it makes a little more sense to focus the attention on them

As a huge plot point throughout the story we see that due to the actions of their mother and her lack of genuine maternal instinct and well, love we see the girls in this constant battle of who can earn their mothers love trust and affections first. Which was so heart breaking to read, through their mothers constant manipulation and abuse we see them fighting the resentment and distance that they know is growing between them and sadly a lot of the time losing because of Mrs. Martins influence and involvement. Its very obvious when reading about their mother that her abuse is based around the fear she feels at the idea of any kind of alliance that the girls could potentially form with each other, god forbid they turn against her and out her as a bad mother! So she decides its easier to create a wedge between the two of them by openly favouring one over the other which unfortunately results in a lot of cruel actions from Emma direct at Cass, creating another toxic relationship and situation for the girls to live in. Although we do get the occasional glimpse at these really beautiful and raw moments of sisterhood and love they share deep down. After seeing so much pain in their story it made these moments just that little bit more special and down right beautiful which was a part that i especially adored.

The themes:

In its relatively short amount of pages this book manages to explore a huge variety of themes from love and obsession to betrayal abuse and manipulation, which lets be honest is everything you want in a good thriller book but usually when a writer takes on this many themes I always find some of them are either touched upon very quickly then dismissed and never revisited or thought of again or done so badly with such a lack of care that its obvious they were just included for the author to be able to say they've hit all the key themes a reader would expect a good thriller to hit. Yet Wendy manages to not only explore all of these and more, but manages to do it well and so subtly you don't notice until you sit back and think about them all which to me just shows a writers real talent.

The psychology:

Another huge part of this book and something I adored were the analysis parts of the book, the in-depth look into narcissism and its effects on the children it surrounds. We are constantly listening to Detective Abby explaining and exploring the characteristics of the people Cass is talking about in her chapters, exploring the connections and the risk factors associated with such a serious disorder as narcissistic personality disorder. I found this to give the story and writing some real merit, it felt like i was reading a psychology book and getting down to the real science of why characters work the way they do and giving the reader a chance to explore it themselves instead of just being told this person has this which is something I cant stand in books. Instead of investing time and effort into helping guide you to a conclusion or even showing you they just tell you this is how it is and expect that to be enough. So frustrating! None the less, this is something I haven't experienced in another book and a technique I hope to see more of!

Similar books:

When reading this I got very strong sharp objects vibes, the fractured relationship between families, focusing on mother and daughter, a highly manipulative mother, an obsession with public facades and the desperate need to keep up appearances and so much more! If you liked sharp objects you will love this, as Emma in the night has all of the important story beats and intrigue that sharp objects has but more intensity and a faster paced story something I felt was missing when I read SO’S.

Over all I adored this book, as you can probably tell and considering it is my first Wendy walker book I can safely say i have fallen in love! I can promise you now this will not be my last read from her collection. I was captivated by her story and her writing which is why i couldn’t recommend this more!

A very very easy 5/5.

so that's it, thanks for reading my review, i really hope you enjoyed it! sorry if I waffled at all its been awhile since ive written any reviews and am still getting my bearings with it again so please be patient with me. Hope you have a fab week my lovelies, Bye!

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warmau · 5 years

Text

{Reverse!Beauty x the Beast AU} Wonwoo

*this post was commissioned | beast!reader and beauty(?)!wonwoo, with my own twist on the plot!! *tw: mentions of violence, mentions of blood

time ticks by slowly, every second of every day is filled with inexplicable loneliness and pain

how long have i been like this? who was i before i become,,,,,a monster?

the questions circle in your mind - as you circle the cold halls of a castle that once bore the bustling light and love of your family

of your kingdom

till a cursed, jealous women brought wraith upon your family, banished them into nothingness and left you

the you who once had bright eyes, pink lips that read poems to your younger siblings in the garden

left you - mangled and broken

all that has been left of this place - that has been left of your humanity is that garden that has overgrown with weeds since you were destroyed

ugly vines and spreading spores, taken the places of once lush bushes and tall stemmed flowers

the only smudge of a better time remaining are the roses

the red roses

you nurture with the hairy paws that crush everything else

i am doomed to this fate, but i will protect what still holds the memory of my past,,,,,,,,anyone who dare step foot in my garden,,,,,,,i shall rip oyu to shreds!

on the other side of the woods, lives jeon wonwoo

oblivious to your horrors - a quiet, bookish boy who works hard delivering newspapers to help support his traveling merchant father

and otherwise greedy older sisters

he’s clean cut, with curly dark hair and eye of an earthy, but sparkling brown

humble, wearing the same cap his father brought back from the main village for three years now

and never one to ask for a second meal at dinner time

he rides his bike, long legs peddling him fast among the cobble streets

throwing papers at the doorsteps

ears going red when older maidens open their windows to shout out compliments

respectfully declining offers of free fruit or flowers from love struck younger girls in the town square

he’s never been anything but kind, if not even a bit of a bleeding heart and his father couldn’t have asked for a better son

so when his father announces a trip to the main village again - wonwoo’s sisters squabble over who gets to give papa a long list of expensive gifts to bring back first

while wonwoo simply shrugs

“a red rose would be nice, to put something colorful on my window.”

his father smiles, hand on wonwoo’s shoulder

“i’ll be back in a weeks time - make sure your sisters don’t make,,,,,mistakes while im gone.”

wonwoo waves goodbye as his father pulls off in the familiar carriage

the sisters are already talking about how they’ll spend this allowance he’s left, but all that is on wonwoo’s mind is his paper route in the morning

he gets up, bright and early, sleepiness following him to the table where he yawns and watches out of the window as the sleepy little forest-edge town he lives in wakes with him

he buttons up his vest, puts on the matching cap and hops on his bike for the usual route

the summer breeze is pleasant against his skin and he hopes that the dark circles that always have a habit of forming under his eyes after sleeping go away quickly

the towns children always tease him for looking like a crow with them

“why why,,,,,now is that who i think it is!”

wonwoo hates to admit it, but the voice sparks a slight bit of panic whenever he hears it

it belongs to an old friend he’s known since they were both children, and while wonwoo had chosen to stay at home and help out his family

mingyu had chosen to join the local army

and had not only been made a hero - but had come back with the idea that he just had to recruit wonwoo

“good morning mingyu-”

the boy hops down from the windowsill he’d been lounging against

he’s still wearing the issued uniform, crisp white britches and a stiff looking royal blue coat

his hair is done up and out of his face and wonwoo can’t believe this clean cut guy

is the same person he used to run around in farm mud with when they were just young teenagers

“i see you’re still doing the paper route?”

mingyu flashes a bright white smile and plucks a rolled up newspaper from wonwoo’s basket

he unrolls it, reading a headline as wonwoo attempts to snatch it back

“wonwoo, ive told you this a million and one times - you can make much better money in the reserve!”

“i can’t leave my sisters and fathers behind to fight foolish battles on behalf of some king in some castle.”

mingyu chuckles

“always being political and smart wonwoo, but we both know what matters and that’s money - and money -”

mingyu drops the newspaper to the floor and fixes the pristine buttons on his cuffs

“money can buy even happiness!”

wonwoo resists the urge to roll his eyes, he’s told mingyu a million times that he’s not joining any army - especially when it’s much more about showing off than anything else

he picks up the newspaper and kicks back up his bike

“ill be late with my delivery’s, see you around mingyu”

mingyu huffs but before he can complain once more, wonwoo is off - throwing papers left and right until he can return back home

back in your castle, you watch the summer sun rise and fall

like a slow exhale, the light sinks into a backdrop of darkness and you walk through the halls

all the mirrors that once lined various rooms have been long since smashed

glass still on the tiles, a low groaning sound coming from the back of your throat when you think of the times you’ve been forced to come face to face with your own reflection

ugly, overgrown teeth - sharp and always stained. hair that tangles and is too thick to handle - hair all over my body. and these claws,,,,these hands once nimble and playing the piano for ballrooms full of dancing guests,,,,are now nothing but killing machines

you hate summer the most - the season when you should be able to spend the most time outside

tending to your garden, humming to the sweet tune of a favorite song

yet it has been so long since you’ve let anyone else gaze upon you

the risk running high every time you step out, the whispering woods could reveal a stranger

and they could see you - call you names - have you killed

that’s why you’ve learned to keep to yourself, inside your cold halls, the old furniture is what is left to keep you company

but this evening feels different, you’ve paced the window - glances thrown out into the garden

no one is going to touch my rose bush, but why do i feel as if -

and then you see him

a human

an older human, whose parked a peasant looking carriage outside the gates

he seems to be unaware of you, up at the window, watching

as he makes his way around the maze of plants

before stopping at the rose bush

at first - you stand still and hope that he won’t be so foolish as to try and pluck one off its leaves

but he does

and a fire inside you snaps

no one touches them!

you roar, jumping from the window and pouncing right onto the man

he’s shaking with terror as you lean your entire body weight forward

snarling

“what do you want”

you ask, your voice gruff and sharp

“i just - i was just admiring the roses -”

“LIAR!”

you raise your hand, extending one of your claws

but the human covers his face in fear

“no please, im sorry my son asked for me to bring back a rose and you’re the only one whose garden has any -”

you hesitate, because you can smell how scared he is

and you are a monster - but you’ve never wanted others to see you that way

then again,,,,,,you spot the petals of the flower he tore fall against the soil

you jump back, but wring your hand around his neck

if you let him off, he’ll tell others about you! he’ll make sure everyone comes in droves - he’ll tell them how you look! how disgusting you are! how weak you are!

the fire burns and spreads through your body, your hold tightens and the man begins to beg

“bring me your son, he will pay for your crime.”

you hiss the ultimatum, throwing the man to the ground with a hard thud

“if he does not come within three days - i will find you and him and the rest of your family myself.”

the threat in your voice is so venomous and cruel, you hardly recognize that it’s you

the man skids backwards, before turning and pulling himself up to run back to his carriage

you stand there, breathing heavy before dropping to the dirt beside the torn flower

you cradle it, but your claws cut through the fragile red petals

when wonwoo’s father returns - wonwoo can see the mark on his neck

it looks like something from a bear

but his sisters just push past each other to ogle the gods the father has returned with

wonwoo takes his papa to the side and asks quietly

“and my rose?”

“unfortunately,,,,,i could not retrieve it and even worse,,,,”

wonwoo’s father tells him, in a hushed voice, about his encounter with a beast in the forest

at first wonwoo doesn’t believe it - it must be a story of fairy tail

but the mark on his fathers neck and the trembling in his voice convinces him otherwise

“of course, im not going to send you into those woods. im going to tell the local soldiers and see if the army can hand-”

“i can take care of this myself.”

wonwoo takes off his cap and drops it into his fathers hands

“i will go and speak with this beast myself.”

wonwoo’s father pleas for him to reconsider, to sleep on it, to just think hard about such a dangerous decision

“you don’t know what i saw out there,,,,that thing is evil!”

“it said it would come for our family, papa - i will go and make sure that we are safe.”

wonwoo’s father goes to bed telling wonwoo over and over that he should do so as well

but once nightfall cloaks the town, wonwoo prepares a bundle of bread and ventures out into the dark woods

his father had mentioned that the abandoned garden had been somewhere off the carriages path

but after hours of wondering, it’s obvious that he’s lost

and the sound of nearby wolves chills wonwoo to the bone

he’s never been one to be afraid - he’s always been rather brave, if not complaint with any pain or fear that’s come in his life

but this is something new

this is something unknown

wonwoo circles what he thinks is the same camp of trees until finally taking a seat beside some of the giant roots

he opens his bundle, but before he can take a bite of his bread he hears it

a growl

there are only seconds before wonwoo looks up - his brown eyes meeting the flashing yellow irises of a wolf

it’s big, with messy fur and chewed up ears - it bares its teeth as soon as it makes eye contact

and wonwoo’s blood goes cold

if i die here, the beast will still go after my family!

he thinks, quickly trying to piece together a cause of action

he takes the bread he’s holding and tosses it to the side - a momentary distraction, but as soon as wonwoo gets up

he moves to run, but it’s too late the teeth are sharp, lodged into the meat of his leg

wonwoo has felt pain, but not like this

not a pain that leaves him tumbling onto the forest floor, grasping at the dirt for dear life

the image of his father, his sisters, the townspeople flash through his mind and his racing heart

when suddenly

the teeth are gone

the pain is pulsing, but it isn’t digging into him

and he is not being mauled again

instead he’s left laying, coldness creeping up - darkness filling the parts of his vision that obscure the figure that picks him up

you haven’t been this close to a human in what must be years

and this human is handsome, dark long eyelashes and perfect sun kissed skin

his curly hair is slightly matted with dirt, but you pick it out and smoothen it down

eyes lingering on the curve of his lips

he has a likeness that matches that of the old man who you’d caught in your garden

he really sent his only son? he didn’t lie to me? what did he say his name was,,,,wonwoo?

you study the face, and then the long lean body that belongs to it

but when the human begins to twitch, the bandaged leg you’ve treated jerking a slight bit

you rush out of the room at once

we must not let him see me! if he does, he will think i attacked him!

the heavy wooden door shuts behind you as you hurry back to the confines of the master bedroom

the sound is what startles wonwoo awake

when he sits up, he can feel the dull ache of his leg wound - but is surprised to see that it’s been cleaned and taken care of

the room he’s in is large - even in the dim light of a nearby candle he can tell that it’s grandiose

probably once gorgeous in its prime, the wallpaper now fades and the bed he’s laying on seems to have made friends with its layer of dust

for a moment he tries to assess where he might be

“could i be ,,,”

he begins, but the words die on his lips

there is no way that he is in the beasts castle,,,,that would have meant that the beast has rescued him from the wolves attack

and a beast that had hurt his father - could not be such a kind animal

but then, wonwoo thinks, where could he be?

the walls don’t answer any of his question, not when he calls out and his voice echoes through the lonely castle

only when glancing over the foyer does he notice another small candlight from below

wonwoo adjusts his shirt, noticing that he’s left the vest he usually wears back in the room - the person who had carried him back must have taken it off when they’d fixed up his leg

he tries to press his hair a bit, and clear his throat

“im awfully sorry to intrude - are you the owner of this -”

he says as he descends the stairs toward the light

but,,,,,,,,there is no one in the room

only a long table - one cloth mat set up right at the end with a warm helping of soup

and various smaller side dishes with a paired old wine

wonwoo stares, the surprise doesn’t beat out his hunger nor his caution

and he takes a seat

he picks up one of the knives, but places it down

even though this space is also empty, and no one has come out to greet him - he think it’d be rude to not say a thank you

so he calls one out before he starts his meal, and you - floors above him in the isolation of your room

can hear the warmth of his voice

this human,,,,,wonwoo seems to be less vicious than the ones who’ve crossed this path before. perhaps i will let him spend the night and just allow him to go.

wonwoo does just that, he wanders a bit and you listen as he touches paintings and peeks into other closed doors

he doesn’t come close to your room though, even if he did he wouldn’t be able to budge it open

but before he returns to the room you’d set up for him

he exits out into the garden

he’s limping a bit from the injury - and you watch intently as he winds through the same maze his father did

before coming to a stop before your prized roses

he touches them, but doesn’t dare take one from the bush

instead he seems to just admire them

“beautiful,,,,”

he breathes, and then turns his head up to window of the castle

you dodge backwards, frightened that he’s seen you

but there is no scream of terror or no acclimation of horror

so you assume you’re safe

and when wonwoo returns to go to bed again, you leave your chambers

down the hall and out into the garden - you touch the rose he touched and his warmth still lingers

how it would feel to be called beautiful again,,,,,how it would feel to be loved by a human again,,,,

wonwoo decides in the morning that he should go back to trying to find the beasts home

whoever the kind stranger was that fixed him up and helped me have a bed for the night has still not shown themselves

and wonwoo is surprised that in the morning there are fresh berries in bowls laid out at the table

he calls out another thank you, but this time

there is a reply

“you’re very welcome”

the voice is rugged, pained, and sounds like a mixture of words and groaned noises

it makes wonwoo pause

no human has a voice like that, this house does belong to the beast!

the realization causes him to freeze

but this beast - took care of me. feed me and cleaned my wounds,,,,,

wonwoo hesitates but calls out into the emptiness one more time

“can you come out so i can thank you properly?”

there is a spark of panic, and you roar back a defiant “NO”

you think it’ll scare this person away, but he doesn’t seem to faint of heart

“please, i would think it very rude if i did not see a host that treated me so well.”

you twitch, looking down into the palms of your hand - the claws that had wringed this own boys father’s neck

the horrid mess of hair and teeth and just anger which has settled within you

how could you show yourself like this?

but the voice was pure, deep and ringing with truth

somehow it pulled you out of the shadows of your castle and into the open light of the dining room

at first, wonwoo doesn’t move his eyes from yours

which have become unnaturally lined with red, pupils slitted like that of a cats

he then lets his gaze travel over all of you

take in the rags you’re wearing - once a beautiful outfit you’d been gifted by your mother

the necklace you wear almost blackened by the same cursed magic that made you like this

wonwoo does not speak for a moment and you are ready to retreat back - not put him through anymore

when suddenly he walks forward

the closer and closer he gets the more anxious you are

your animalistic instinct tells you to get ready to attack, but wonwoo’s hand on yours is gentle

“thank you for saving me from that wolf.”

he smiles and a feeling of warmth spreads up through you which has been a stranger to you for years

“and im here to take the punishment on behalf of my father who stole from you.”

you pull back your arm, touching the spot where he’d brushed your skin as if it had just been burned

“no, ,,,, just go”

you groan out, but wonwoo doesn’t budge

“im sorry that my father tried to take one of your beautiful roses, and if you’d like i can stay here and tend to the garden as punishment. would that suffice?”

the words confuse you, his calmness and lack of disgust make the room spin

and this is the first time you’ve let daylight cast down on you for so long

so you put up a hand

“if you wish to do so,,,,,,you are free to stay and repay the debt,,,once a new rose blossoms - you may go!”

wonwoo’s smile returns and something inside you that’s still human stirs

“thank you, it seems we have a deal then.”

wonwoo commits one hundred percent to the agreement of tending to the garden

for the first few days you are sure he’s going to run away, afterall the gates are open

nothing is binding him to stay

but he keeps his word, watering and digging and doing all of the work that you usually do in the dead of night

under the bright sunlight, small streaks of dirt on his cheek

as you watch from the window of your room

he catches you one afternoon, and instead of retreating into the shadows - you watch him wave

and call up

“please have dinner with me tonight?”

and you just can’t understand - why is he so kind to me? does he not see me as the vile thing i am?

dinner is awkward, at least for you - whose used to tearing into meats like a rabid dog, no use for utensils when your fangs could rip off flesh

and instead of being disgusted

wonwoo tries to copy you, but ends up with sauce over his button up instead

you laugh

or let out some sort of jolly sound, which is so loud is sends the old chandelier above you two swinging

but wonwoo only stares up in wonder before grinning too

“how impressive!”

you look down, shy of your display but wonwoo really means it

soon enough, you’re not shy of it anymore

you are open enough to allow wonwoo to see you in the daylight - you even join him for gardening

and before you know it,,,time has passed,,,,,autumn creeps up

and a bud of a rose appears on the bush

you two admire it

and wonwoo suddenly says, “how is it that these roses are so much bigger than any others ive seen before?”

you cast your eyes down, and feel the pain of old memories rush in

wonwoo seems to catch onto the tension and gives a small apology

but you reach out - stopping yourself before one of your claws can tear through the delicate little leaves

“my mother planted them,,,,,she said the magic of her love for me and my father would make them the most beautiful in the land ,,,,”

your voice drops

“but not even her own magic could save her from her downfall,,,,,or save me from this curse”

wonwoo touches your wrist again, this time you don’t jerk from his hand

but let the comfort of another person’s sympathy wash over you like a gentle wave

“is there anyway to break this curse?”

you sadly shake your head

“i would need the tears of someone who loves me to break it. but everyone that loves me,,,,,,is dead.”

there isn’t much one can say to that, so you do not feel hurt by the silence that follows - instead you focus on the bud that is growing

“soon it will bloom - and you can see your loved ones again.”

wonwoo gives a small nod

“i miss them, but i will miss you too beast”

the sentiment pings through your hearts cold walls, melting them down and causing the human parts of you to buzz

you don’t want to take this all so seriously, but that means more than you could ever imagine

and when the day comes, that you awaken and peer out of your window to see the rose has blossomed

it hurts more than it should

it’s when you hear a banging on the gate that you realize,,,,,,,something is wrong

you rush down, wonwoo following in step behind you

when suddenly you see a group of people and they’re holding - torches

“LET US IN YOU UGLY BEAST!”

“GIVE ME BACK MY SON YOU MONSTER!”

“WONWOO! ARE YOU ALIVE?”

your eyes widden, the colors turning a dark and malicious red

you look to wonwoo, your back hunching in pain

“you - you called a mob on me!?!?”

he looks back at you, just as terrified

“no, no i would never - i think my father told some of the townspeople i hadn’t come back -”

the sound of the gate breaking stops you both

charging toward you, like a thunderous stamped of bulls are angry looking humans of all shapes and sizes

you can see the father of wonwoo at the helm with another tall person, he looks like a soldier that you’d remembered seeing back when you were young

the group runs past you - you hear the only home you’ve ever known being destroyed and pulled apart

and the soldier looking one takes out a long, clean silver sword and holds it out to you

“mingyu don’t-”

wonwoo’s voice fades in

but you ignore it, dropping down low on all fours and letting your fangs jut out

the soldier, mingyu, watches you with horror

“how disgusting!”

he yells and you two charge at one and other

you doge a sword slash and let one large claw slash at the front of his uniform - digging in deep to draw blood

you pull back, running a hand across your mouth - looking at the blood on your claws

“no mingyu leave them alone -”

wonwoo pleads, but when he tries to bolt after you - his father holds him back

“wonwoo, we must kill this beast or it will continue to terrorize us!”

“they are not just a beast! they are a kind person who saved me -”

mingyu groans, but gets up, landing another sword slash that catches you on the shoulder

you tetter backwards, gripping your wound

“wonwoo! have you absolutely lost it! this thing tried to kill your father - and you’re defending it?!”

you can hear the destruction going on in your home, heirlooms being broken - paintings being torn

but you see red - you see this soldier, with his bloody uniform and his big sword

and you see wonwoo - who had been so kind,,,,,so sweet,,,,,,,,,,betraying you to these people

you lunge again and wonwoo screams

his voice louder than you’ve ever heard - but the sword pierces through you

and you find yourself pinned down in a matter of moments, a metallic iron taste in your mouth

a darkness gnawing at the sides of your vision

“get off of them!”

you hear and suddenly the weight of mingyu’s knee is not in your chest anymore

instead you see a blurry image

wonwoo, his handsome face twisted into fear

are you scared of me? or are you scared of me?

you think, blinking between light and dark

do you see me as just a monstrous beast? or do you see me as the person i am inside?

wonwoo’s touch on your face doesn’t feel warm enough to stop the impending coldness of depth

do you know that beasts like me can fall in love too?

suddenly the world is still and wonwoo is gone

there is just pain and black

and then

wetness

wetness on your face, salty and small

tears - who is crying,,,,are the angels crying to have seen such an ugly thing?

fluttering, it’s a fulttering feeling

but then it almost stings - like a wound being sown up

you try to pick up your hand, but it isn’t your hand - it’s a human hand

no claws

no blood

you look at it and then back at the person whose crying over you

it is an angel - an angel that looks like

“w-wonwoo?”

he pushes back another sob, before whispering “b-beast?”

“no, im -”

you say your name, out loud for the first time in years

the hair that falls over your shoulders is not the same mangy mess

your clothing isn’t tattered

there isn’t a sword sticking out of your gut

you’ve been transformed

wonwoo pulls you up, into the embrace of his arms

the crowd around you shares a collective gasp

and you hear mingyu’s sword clatter to the floor

“the beast - the beast was a human!?”

“we just ruined this poor persons home for nothing?!”

the sounds, the people, the smell of a fire all hit you at a million miles

but nothing hits you more than the scent of wonwoo, the feeling of his cheek on your cheek

and when you pull back you lean in to kiss the remaining tears on his face

there are apologizes, questions, and much more being thrown around

wonwoo’s own father falls down on his knees beside you and asks if you’re hurt - that he didn’t know who you really were

mingyu quickly shrugs off his uniform coat and offers it to you

but none of that matters

as wonwoo looks at you - the redness around your eyes disappearing slowly

the golden shimmer returning to your necklace, the human glow on your skin

and through the strands of hair - suddenly, blooms a vivid red rose

“your curse,,,it’s broken”

he whispers

“because of your tears - because of the tears of someone who loves me”

wonwoo leans in, lips against yours - and the mob that had yelled angrily at you breaks out into applause

the life and beauty returning to the ruined castle, the unkempt gardens, and everywhere

on every bush

bloom those red roses

#seventeen scenarios #seventeen imagines #seventeen au #wonwoo scenarios #wonwoo imagines #wonwoo au #17 scenarios #17 imagines #17 au #sfw #member: wonwoo #writing commissions #pledis seventeen #Seventeen #seventeen wonwoo #jeon wonwoo

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softforcal · 5 years

Note

hiii

hello! these types of questions are great don’t worry! everyones different but yeah, let me tell you about my writing process :) (this is a long ass writing rant and hopefully it’s helpful)

so for headcanons tbh, i just write them. like. i sit down and write it all in one go and tbh not much thought goes into them there isnt really a plot it’s just notes practically so headcanons for me are not difficult at all. fics/oneshots are where things actually heat up.

so for my fics i do note form outlines. what this means is i have all the major things that have to happen already lined out. i put it on a word doc on half my screen and the fic on the other and there’s no plan on how to get to each note point but i know i have to get there somehow, but having basic goals makes it easier for me.

when it comes to fics there’s usually a brainstorming process. i have two wonderful amazing loves of my absolute life @hereforlukescruff and @glitterprincelu and usually it will start with me saying an idea and we all just kind of start shooting ideas and bouncing off of each other. this process can take hours. like. i remember when i came up with gang luke (penumbra) i was in class and we ended up chatting about it for 3 hours and coming up with shit. when the main brainstorm is done i plot it all out. i have a few ocd tendencies, one of which is linear stuff means a lot to me. like i can’t start a fic at the end. i need to start at the start. so i’ll plan as much as i can but sometimes i stop at the middle and i re-evaluate once i get there and have a better sense as to where the story is going.

for me, characters are huge. like. i have the plot points but characters drive everything else. so i’ll often have a sit down and reevaluate what has happened to them and how they’re feeling and see if it’s all making sense for them, but, because i brainstorm a lot, usually i don’t end up changing much. strong characters are key my dudes.

my biggest motivator to get to the end of the story is well, the characters. i love them so much and writing for them feels so comforting to me. LOVE YOUR CHARACTERS. but also. something ya’ll gotta understand about me is that i’ve been writing fan fiction for 8 years. i’ve probably spent an average of 2 hours a day (and that’s seriously low balling it) so thats 2x365=730x8=5840 hours that i’ve written and that’s probably too low to be accurate. so i’m a writer. i type fast as fuck and i’ve been doing this a while so writing comes very easy to me, ideas are constantly flowing. this is legit what im pursuing as a job so don’t be discouraged if you can’t write 10k in a day like I do because... well, i’ve had a fuck ton of practice. writing 10k in a day is pretty common for me i’d say, once i sit down with a oneshot i don’t want to leave until it’s done.

but. i also again, have a bit of an ocd thing and when it’s paired with anxiety, it makes it hard for me to stop. i need to get things done. to check stuff off my list. or i get bored. if i leave a fic for even a day or two, it’s likely i’m not gonna finish it. so for me, and i know this, its important to wait until i have a sufficient amount of time to bust something out and a plan makes it so easy because i don’t have to stop and ask myself “okay now what”

what more can i say about writing.... uh... characters. so important. dialogue. key.

like i’ll start a fic with a general idea about an OC but as the fic continues they grow and i really enjoy watching them grow. i think a good rule of thumb if you’re having troubles with this is immerse the story view point in the most solid character you have (i’ll give an example of this in a moment) and use their perspective and musings on a different character, like what they notice, to promote growth.

example of what i mean when i say this. i recently wrote prince cal and from the start, he was my strong character. Ostara was new, she’s ashton’s sister, she’s back for the first time in a while. the very first paragraph establishes that calum is taken aback by how much she’s changed. there’s still some similarities to how she was growing up and i weave that comfort of the known throughout the story (with things like chicken fights in the pool or musing about how they used to play hide and seek as kids) but from the start, Calum is knocked off his feet by how beautiful she’s gotten and that’s a very obvious symbol of change, not just outside but in. so as the fic continues calum notices things about ostara. for example. the second time i wrote she was wearing a print of some sort, calum and i both mutually realized, ‘huh. she likes prints i guess.’ because ostara is ostara, i dont control her, in my brain she’s her own person, she’s dictating whats happening and baby just likes prints. and calum notices which says something about him, but its also little details like that that bring these characters to life.

i mean. i don’t know how other people write characters. my characters are always alive to me. they have their own voice and knowing their reaction to things is second nature to me. but this can be attributed to the fact that i legit wrote fan fiction about actual characters (MCU, TVD, Teen Wolf, etc...) for 6 years and being able to step into those characters and do dialogue that seemed legit was the most important thing for me. so i have a FUCK TON of experience on characters. so once again, if its hard for you to step into your characters thats okay. maybe do those things where you have a fill in the blank sheet on whats their fav food, their fav colour, do they like summer or winter? etc....

i think there isnt one way to write. i think i’m blessed that i’ve ALWAYS been a writer. since i was like 4. you know in elementary when they made you write and they’d give you those little booklets and shit? other kids had like one or two at most but this whore was always on book number 6 or 7 like, im a writer. it’s what i am. it always has been what i am.

im also a multitasker. so most of my writing is done while watching shows. which means its a double whammy for me. like. im learning about characters and plot WHILE writing so... as you can see, i’m hard core as fuck about this shit.

my point is. my process is a process that i think is pretty particular to me. most people i know cant watch tv and write at the same time. most people don’t sit down and bust out 10k in one sitting. and thats fine. if you enjoy writing then do it. focus on what you can be doing better, this isnt a competition. at the end of the day, the only person you should be trying to be better than is the person you were yesterday, or last week, you know?

find people who are creatively inclined because holy shit it makes a huge difference. bouncing ideas off of supportive people is really important. without my friends, Birdie in Penumbra might be named Cherry, the Gang AU wouldn’t have an ending all planned out and ready to be written, and i would have missed out on so many hours of face time calls and back and fourth messages with two of the most important people in my life right now.

so lets break down what the fuck i’m even saying

-find supportive people (but it’s important you support them as well. if they’re gonna let you throw ideas at them and help you out and pump you up, reciprocate hoe)

-focus on yourself

-find what you’re good at. plots? characters? dialogue?

-find ways to strengthen the things you’re not so good at (character fill in sheets, plot planning, etc...)

-find what, at the end of the day, really works for you

-don’t put pressure on yourself. writing is for fun. it should be fun. and if it is fun, i think motivation will come easy? but i could be wrong, once again, i have an addictive personality and writing is a fix i need every day or i go insane.

yeah. if ya’ll have any more writing questions let me know. i love answering these because i think it’s so interesting to really look at the process :)

#Anonymous

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ambitionsource · 5 years

Text

S1 Rewatch: Lena’s Take [1.08]

it’s before midnight. i win!

favourite scene:

it’s a tie. okay. it’s a tie because i love love. on one hand, the scene where zay aggressively stands up for charlie... tells him he’s way to good to be walked all over... causing charlie to realize SOMETHING is going on with his silly feelings.... several points were fucking made, let me TELL YOU. god. damn. zay is so passionately defensive of charlie despite them only being friends through school, charlie just basically falling into zay’s dark eyes (we know he was). every bit of development they get i cling on to and lemme tell you the SEROTONIN i received this evening! i love the way they encourage each other to be bolder and better people, and to be more uniquely themselves. it’s such a mutually supportive relationship (at both the platonic and romantic stages) and i THRIVE off of it. i reiterate: when zay told charlie he was too good to be walked all over i literally absolutely MELTED. that is the sweetest shit, on GOD. anyway... on the other hand, we have the rl waltz scene like shut up that was the most romantic shit i’ve ever seen in my life bro!!!! WHEN RILEY TILTS HIS CHIN UP I WENT FERAL! i know rl takes a backseat to zc in my reviews usually but this is just. Such a GOOD scene and i really do love them. lucas just realizing he is off the deep end for this girl while they softly sway under the stage lights.... do you know the yearning, the longing i have to play out this scenario with someone? i swooned so hard i almost fainted just reading it. lucas has fallen and so have i baybee!!

favourite performance:

every number in ambition is always iconic, but there’s really no contest to the best one this number— the sheer wonderful fun energy dancing queen has CARRIES it to number one with ease. easily one of the season’s top numbers— dave’s dumb dance break (seriously imagining him flossing and moonwalking to the chorus has me internally dying), jeff’s iconic break dancing (we love an ACTUALLY semi-coordinated techie!) and the whole loose, carefree number is absolutely wonderful. not to mention i LOVE techie group performances. love them, y’all. truly the best of the best.

favourite character this ep:

i can’t choose, i seriously cannot choose. i think i’ll say dylan and asher (they have to go together, really) solely for their hilarious, fearful exchange with lucas (“blindfold asher, he’s scared of heights!”). they care about their friends (especially lucas) SO much, and it shows the effective balance of humour and serious emotion they’re able to bring to the table. plus blowing kisses to riley and just. Being best bros with lucas was so good.... i love them truly, and i don’t say it enough.

favourite line(s):

charlie, fondly: this school is bananas.

farkle: it’s like he’s sweating mediocrity.

maya: us performers can smell fear. especially his; it’s rare.

and of course:

zay: there’s being polite, and there’s being a pushover. you’re way too good to let people step on you like that. 🥺🥰

an underrated moment:

all the little zc moments... all the little zc MOMENTS! zay nudging charlie causing him to choke on his food, the shoulder pat and hand glance (obsessing over hands is lgbt culture), charlie literally dying while watching zay teach choreo to that romantic strangers like me line... ok ur honour im filing a report that says i love them!!! charlie is already SO FAR GONE for this boy, and he’s beginning to realize. he’s the physical manifestation of gay panic and god it’s funny. also, honourable mention goes to lucas going feral cat mode at zay but not riley— lucas, you’re not subtle.

something i missed the first time around:

back on my jack hunter bs to say that i really noticed him shine this episode, along with eric! it really is so enjoyable watching the two of them grow from two people with contrasting views constantly at odds to a rock solid team united by their determination to put the students first— and their sleuthing scenes are intriguing highlights, drawing you further into the mystery. we don’t know much yet but we NEED to learn more.

first impression vs your reread impression:

this episode is more fun and upbeat than i remembered (i mostly remembered farkle struggling and that’s it) and it was thoroughly enjoyable. the romance development, the “main plot” of the aaac mystery beginning its build, really good interactions between people who dont usually interact (farkle and riley, charlie and maya a bit, bit of zay and lucas, charlie and farkle) which is ALWAYS a blast. good times for most, leading to long awaited peace (that won’t last, but so what? we got there). had a great time reading as always.

literally your mind ma’am... all the above you said? truth! zay and charlie’s first ever journey to the costume loft... the power it holds... truly you can tell that one thing es and i value in a relationship is mutual respect and support because that’s something that’s paralleled in zc AND rl (you could, actually, make a pretty extensive parallel set between the two relationships, despite their obvious differences). it’s literally beautiful that zay and charlie see the talent and potential in one another that it feels like no one else sees -- whether they want them to (zay) or whether they choose to fade into the background (charlie), and they like... inarguably believe that the other person is the superior performer. there’s such a mutual admiration there. it speaks to the same feature of rl in which lucas literally believes riley is 10 times more talented than anyone at aaa and won’t let her forget it, and riley sees the weight that lucas carries even if he’s the first to diminish his purpose. you could say, in effect, that each main dynamic sees the other as “the best they have to offer...” and that... perhaps... is love........... sorry to just pop tf here im feral tonite

anyway, SHOUT OUT to your shout out for my dad jack hunter and also dyl and asher. i cannot express how excited i am for y’all to get to s2 and see more our boys in action... all the above you said is true abt them... 17 more days,,,,,,

#zay: h #charlie: wkwodowlaopqwkshcioreo hi im fined #submission #S1 reread #S2 countdown #YOUR TAGS LSMFKSDJFLSKJGKSJDGKDFJHD HAHAHAHA #riley x lucas #zay x charlie

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justsoumakothings · 6 years

Text

Only Smiles

so heres what happened. I messed up and deleted the last part but its still here. you can read the full thing on ao3. its better organized there. but this is everything from the last time. If youre just now finding this my blog is new and its just a couple scrolls to find the first part. The story includes a soumako date and confession.

Sousuke splashed water in his face, grabbing his towel and wiping off the excess water. He blinked as he stared in the mirror. He couldn’t believe that this was even happening. Going to the Amusement park with Makoto...he had honestly planned on giving the tickets away to someone else but the perfect opportunity had presented to himself. Soon enough, his phone vibrated to assure him that today was, in fact, a reality.

Makoto: Good Morning! Are you still picking me up?

Sousuke: Yes. I’ll be there in about an hour.

Makoto: okay, no rush! : )

Sousuke placed his phone back in his pocket and smiled a bit. Makoto was always so energetic in his texts and it reflected his personality. He would never be caught sending anything less than a small emoticon, but even those were rare.

He walked back to his room and stood in front of his drawers. Placing his hand on chin, he thought of what he should wear. He hadn’t really gone out in a while….just what was appropriate for a date to the amusement park.

Ten minutes later, he opened his drawers and settled on a grey long sleeve shirt, jeans, and his black leather jacket. He rolled up the bottoms of his jeans and put on his black tennis shoes. Once he finished, he took another look in the mirror. He smiled to himself. For not going out in a while, he didn’t seem too shabby.

Although, he had to remind himself that it wasn’t a date. He didn’t need to look good for Makoto but he also didn’t want to be the one who showed up looking a like a bum. Did he need cologne? No, that was way too much. He had taken a shower the night before.

Before he left, he made sure that he had the tickets and his wallet. He messaged Makoto that he was on his way and headed out the door.

Makoto brushed his teeth after he messaged Sousuke. Surprisingly, his excitement managed to quell his nerves a bit. Not only was it going to be his first time going to an amusement park in a while, but it was also going to be the first time he was going with Sousuke. Actually, they never really did much other than dinner before Makoto went off to college so this change of pace was new to him.

Once he washed up, he went and changed into his clothes. Putting on a plaid, red sleeve shirt, which he rolled up to his elbow. For pants, he just wore blue jeans with tennis shoes. He flopped down on his bed and looked at his phone, smiling when Sousuke said that he was on his way. As he switched his phone off, he brought to his mouth, a smile still on his face. Of course, he was aware it wasn’t a date but he felt special that the two of them were going together.

He heard a meow and then seconds later a cat jumped on his bed. Somehow, the twins had managed to get his parents to budge to buy a cat. It was a white with orange cats but they named it Kuro. He had no idea why. However, she was sweet and it was to please her. Makoto sat up and she climbed in his lap. The time flew by as he played with her and had the tv as background noise. Before he knew it, there was a knock on his door.

“A-ah, coming!”,He gently placed the cat back on his bed and made sure he had all of his stuff.

He ran to the door and opened it with a smile,”Hey Sousuke.”

“Hey Makoto, you ready?”, Sousuke said with a smile.

That smile of his always made Makoto’s heart skip a beat. He felt like it only belonged him because Sousuke rarely smiled for anyone. It could just be because they were closer than most though, he shouldn’t take it as anything more than that. This was just two friends going on a trip.

“Yea I am, thanks for picking me up,”he said as he walked out and shut the door.

Sousuke shook his head,”no problem, your house isn’t too far from fine.”

In order to get to the place, they had to take the train for about 45 minutes. Since it was a saturday, they were forced to stand, holding the handles. They were both standing next to each other but at least the train wasn’t too full. It also wasn’t much compared to their training.

Sousuke tried his best attempt at a conversation to try and make the time go faster. “How has your time back been so far?”, that seemed like a reasonable question to ask. He looked as Makoto responded,”its been great, the twins got a cat while I was a gone, im still unsure how they bribed my parents. Thats not even the best part, the cat is white and orange but they named it Kuro.”, he finished off with a chuckle.

Sousuke raised one eyebrow,”Kuro? That’s pretty odd...maybe they just liked the name. But at least you’re enjoying your time, I hope I didn’t take time from hanging out with your family.”

Makoto shook his head in disagreement,”the twins had some club and my parents had work today, I would have been left alone at the house, so thank you for this. Nagisa and the rest want to wait till I come back with Haru to do something like a dinner.”

Sousuke bounced off of that,”im sure they were excited to see you though and were glad you’re here. I am too. Glad you come back.” Sousuke caught himself nearing dangerous territory and he was glad he could stare at the window, rather than facing the embarrassment of his statement while looking into Makoto’s eyes.

Makoto wasn’t prepared for that at all and a slight blush crept on his face,”I’m glad I could see you too. Rather than through just the phone. I’m still getting used to being away from home. Its nice to see familiar faces.” One of those familiar faces being Sousuke. He looked down, the conversation staying silent, but the air wasn’t awkward. Makoto felt nice being close to Sousuke and his presence soothed him.

Suddenly, the train made quite an abrupt stop, causing Makoto to lose his balance because he was spacing out. However, Sousuke had wrapped one hand around his waist to support him,”are you okay?”, he asked. Makoto sprung back up quickly, a smile on his face,”a-ah yeah, I spaced out” Sousuke just looked at him then responded,”be more careful.”

Makoto’s hand tightened on the handle as he looked down. He wish he could place his hand on his beating heart to get it to calm down but that would be way too obvious. The touch of his hand around his waist did more than what Makoto seemed it would do….was he falling too hard for the man?

Sousuke was thinking the same thing. After Makoto moved away from him, there was a part in his heart that regretted it. A part of his heart that wished he could hold onto Makoto longer. He also didn’t think that he had fallen that hard for the other man but the heart never lies.

Eventually, they arrived at their destination. Makoto had attempted more small talk, asking about how Sousuke was, before Sousuke reprimanded him,”I said there’s no worrying today and im fine, so dont think about things like that.” It wasn’t helpful at in trying keep Makoto from falling even more. People had worried about him, of course, but never in the way Sousuke had.

Makoto was so used to being the protector that being the protected was a weird, yet very comforting feeling. It made his heart warm that there was a person out there that they worried so much about how he was. His friends worried, of course. However, Makoto was very good at hiding his feelings. It was only Haru that could usually tell something was up but he didn’t try to do that too much. Haru had other things to worry about, especially with Ikuya.

Makoto was snapped out of his thoughts walking out of the train. Sousuke had hit him on the head,”oi, did you listen to what I say?” Makoto looked at him in surprise,”ah-um I-”, he stopped speaking as Sousuke placed a finger on his forehead,”each time it seems like you’re thinking about something troubling I’ll do that, got it?” Makoto could only nod his head in response.

Sousuke knew Makoto was probably worrying about that Ikuya situation too much and it kind of frustrated him. The only thing Makoto should be thinking about was the park and him, anything that wasn’t sad or would make him worry again. This was why he hit him. Once Makoto agreed to his statement,Sousuke smiled as he pulled away,”now come on, these rides will make you forget about all of that.”

“Hmmm, what ride do you want try to first,”Sousuke said as he looked down at the map unfolded in front of him. Makoto looked and answered,”I feel like we shouldn’t just start off with a rollercoaster, maybe something lighter, like the teacups.” “Makoto I dont know what your memory of teacups were but all I remember is endless smooshing.”, Sousuke said, which led Makoto to chuckle.

“I was always the tallest so I was the one doing the smooshing, ah then maybe the pirate’s ship?”, he suggested. Sousuke smiled,”of course you were and yea lets go.”

The pair walked and talked, Sousuke starting it off,”I really haven’t been here in a while. I didn’t have much time when my swimming took off.”

“Ah same here, maybe more because of the twins, but swimming became our main focus.I always loved it though.”, Makoto said, his eyes scanning the tons of smiles and laughter around him. It was a nice change of atmosphere.

The place wasn’t that far but they were interrupted before they could continue by one of the staff that worked there, a camera in his hand,”feel free to get your picture taken, if you feel like you want at the end of the day you just need a ticket!” They decided there was no harm in just taking and agreed.

The photographer was about to take it but put her camera down,”oh get closer closer, you two must at least be friends, black hair place your hand around his shoulder.”

Sousuke gulped but did just that. This was...already alot of physical contact he didn’t expect to have with Makoto that day.

“1..2..3..smile!~”

Sousuke managed to smile and Makoto did as well, putting a peace sign in the air. The lady gave them their ticket, thanking them, and then moved onto her next victims.

“That was unexpected”, Sousuke said. Makoto smiled,”it was but maybe we do need a photo. I’d like to remember this day.” Sousuke’s heart skipped a beat at the simple words that came out of Makoto’s mouth. He really shouldn’t be this but, oh God , he was

The day was going along pretty well. They started off with Pirate’s Ship and gradually upped the level with each ride.

During the late afternoon, the two of them got hungry and were going to search for somewhere to eat. However, before they did, they walked past a carnival area of the park. A guy managed to catch their attention,”just 25 cents each! If you’re lucky, then you can get a large plush, just land the quarter on one of the plates, easy right?”. It wasn’t in the slightest. That’s how those games worked.

Sousuke was just one of the few people who actually did know how to play this game. He walked up and digged in his pocket,”just a quarter right?”, and the guy nodded. Makoto looked at him with wide eyes,”you have this aura of confidence, have you done this before.” Sousuke smirked,”just start thinking of which plushie you want.”

Before Makoto could comment, Sousuke gracefully threw the quarter. Makoto watch with anticipation as the quarter kept rolling around until it finally settled down, still in the plate. The person working there had a shock on their face, but it quickly turned into a chuckle,”well young man, its not everyday I see this, thank you! Please choose a plushie of your liking”, he said as he pointed up.

Makoto looked at Sousuke, gesturing him to look at it. His heart was beating as he stared at the plushies. This is definitely something people do on date rights? Makoto felt spoiled. Again, another feeling he wasn’t used...not until he met Sousuke. His eyes locked onto an orca whale and he pointed,”that one.”

Once he got the very large plush, he hugged it, almost covering his face. Sousuke chuckled,”it fits you.” Makoto smiled,”thanks Sousuke, I guess it’ll be a nice addition to my dorm.” Sousuke heart skipped a beat and how happy winning that seemed to make Makoto. He wasn’t used to this feeling, wanting to spoil someone, wanting to see them smile. It was all so new.

The two stopped by a buffet place because they couldn’t decide on any specific food.

“What did you want to do after we eat?”, Sousuke asked, taking a bite of his chicken curry.

“Would it be a great idea to get on more rides after we eat? Maybe we could try something light like the carousel or the ferris wheel to pass the time”, Makoto answered but also quickly realized what he said. If they did that….this would really sound like they went on a date. He had been having too much fun that he forgot that were just two friends at an amusement together. Everything just felt so natural.

Sousuke almost choked on his food at the mention of the ferris wheel but responded,”y-yea, I think that would be nice, we could let our food settle and enjoy the view”

“Yea yea, enjoy the view. That would be nice. I think we would be able to see the ocean.”, Makoto, who was just as nervous, said.

The two of them were both hopeless when it came to love. These two who had always been so focused on swimming and caring about other people for a better part of their lives. A whale shark and a whale. An unlikely pair that came together to compliment one another in ways neither of them would ever fathom. This pair definitely needed a bit of courage and a push from the gods.

They were almost to the front of the line. To pass the time, they played some games, one of which was 21 questions, which resulted into them learning things about each other. Like how Sousuke wasn’t a morning person or Makoto loved cats but was quite scared of dogs. Through this, for both of them, it felt like they had gotten close to each other.

When they got into car for the ferris wheel, it rocked a bit due to both of their heavy size and weight. They chuckled as they each sat on one side. Makoto placed his plushie down on one side of the seat and scooted closer to the window.

The two of them were silent until they got higher, Makoto speaking,”wow, you’re beginning to see the whole park.” Sousuke stared out and replied,”ah you can, it seems so small now.” Makoto smiled and spoke as a thought came to mind,”isn’t that how the world is, you think its so big but in reality everything is so small.”

Sousuke thought about what he said for a minute,”you’re right. Also I think they have a parade towards when it hits nightfall when you want to stick around, I saw it on the map.”

Makoto turned his head to look at Sousuke and smiled,”yea, that’d be great! It’d be a nice way to end the night. Ah-thank you by the way, I did technically get in free.” Sousuke shook his head with a smile,”don’t worry about it, I had a pretty good time, thank you for coming on such a short notice.”

Makoto spoke,”oh its fine, besides we haven’t really hung out with each other like this, its a nice change of pace”

“I guess this our first time actually hanging out huh? Im glad we could. I never even thought we would be friends.”, Sousuke wasn’t smiling, but his face was still soft. He wondered what type of conversation this would lead to and he was nervous.

Makoto looked down,”I never thought I’d worry about you as much as I did. Its in my nature I guess but it just felt different with you.” Oh no. Why did he have to say it like that. He never thought that they would become this close, he only saw Sousuke as someone in need help, not a potential friend.

It was something about being locked up in the car of the ferris wheel, the only thing holding them up was pieces of metal that everyone trusted that could fall down at any minute, ultimately leading to their death. Maybe it wasn’t that it was just the ferris wheel that made everyone confess but the thought of realizing that world around you actually isn’t that big. You worry about what so many people might think you forget you’re just one speck of sand out of millions. That realizing things like this makes people take a chance at confessing their love. And it was exactly what was going to happen in just a few moments to the pair of them.

Sousuke continued,“When we first met, I may have been a little standoff-ish-”, Makoto interrupted with a chuckle,”a little?”, which made Sousuke smile,”maybe alot.”

“I realize I probably overstepped my boundaries I bit but...I don’t know. Its like seeing a kitten in a box. Its not yours, you can leave it alone, you’ve never even met it, but yet you’re still pulled to want to help them.”, Makoto said.

Sousuke let out a small laugh,“I don’t know if I should feel complimented but yes. I didn’t know who you were and I kind of associated you with the people who took Rin away from me. Well, he wasn’t mine but, it felt like he was apart of your team, despite being on a completely different team and after I had tried so hard to catchup with him...everything just went downhill after that. I started to shut people off, even Rin.I’m lucky you’re so stubborn, otherwise I might not be here today,”Sousuke finished, smiling at Makoto.

Makoto’s heart started beating after Sousuke said something like that. He really didn’t think he was that special to Sousuke but his words were making him think otherwise. However, he wasn’t aware this much about how Sousuke was feeling. There was a sort of emptiness, loneliness in his words. Did he feel alone? Anyone would after feeling like they don’t have a place to belong to. Being on a team doesn’t necessarily come along with this feeling and it may have been a struggle for Sousuke.

Makoto looked down and spoke,“When I first saw you swim...you were amazing. I was captivated and I figured it was no wonder you were great friends with Rin. But after the drama and your shoulder I was just attracted to you. A large protective aura came over me for some reason. And even now with you, im experiencing different….feelings I guess one would say. But theyre good. Theyre just so foreign to me. I don’t quite know what to do with them yet.”

Was Makoto really being this bold? It was just everything about the moment that screamed even if he didn’t express his feelings now he’d ignore them, throw them under the bus, pretend they weren’t they for years on end. It was better to fall now then to get even higher and fall later. At least, thats how his mind was rationalizing the whole situation.

Something came down on Makoto’s head, but it was gentle. He looked up to see Sousuke smiling,”I would bonk your head but its my fault you put on that face. Its weird but I always want to see your smile, I feel like its what you deserve.” Makoto blushed and his eyes looked down,”saying embarrassing stuff like that…” Sousuke chuckled as he removed his hand,”you’re cute Makoto.”

Makoto only blushed more and looked up, trying to refute his statement,”am not.”

“You kind of are”, Sousuke said.

Makoto stood up abruptly,”HeY-ouch!”, he had forgotten that were both too tall to stand up straight and hit his head. He sat back down and looked at a laughing Sousuke,”Sousuke,this is your fault you know,”he whined,although, for a split second, Makoto was glad he made a fool of himself. Hearing Sousuke laugh like that felt so good to his ears and he wished he had more that throughout the day.

“But here”, Sousuke calmed down and grabbed Makoto’s wrists, removing them from his head. He went to go check his head, since the hit seemed pretty hard,“You’re good, just dont do that again”, he said as he scanned his head. “why…”,Makoto mumbled.

“Huh?”, commented Sousuke as he pulled his head away, not even realizing his hands were still on Makoto’s wrist.

Makoto’s blush crept on his face again,not being handle the gaze of Sousuke’s eyes,”why do you make me feel so safe”,Makoto managed to breath out in a low voice, his racing heart stopping him from speaking any higher.

That caught Sousuke off guard. He made Makoto feel safe? Well, that’s because he wanted too. He wanted to protect his smile, his heart, everything . Sousuke only answered with a question of his own,”why do you make me want to protect you so much?”

Makoto’s hands balled up into a fist,”why...why is my heart beating so fast?”

“Why is mine beating fast also?”, Sousuke questioned.

“Why are we speaking in questions?”, Makoto asked as he finally looked at Sousuke.

Sousuke smiled and looked up,”I dont know, why are we?”

Makoto didn’t have an answer so Sousuke, taking a bullet, spoke,”why...do I want to kiss you right now?”

Makoto was flustered, his face getting redder, but that was only cuter to Sousuke. This was definitely happening, right? Sousuke kind of implied that he would want to kiss Makoto.He spoke even though his nerves skyrocketed,”w-why...would I ever say no?”

Sousuke slowly let go of Makoto’s hands and placed them on his face, still staring at Makoto. He was going to ask if Makoto was sure that he wanted this but his answer was proven by his actions. Makoto had closed his eyes and Sousuke took it as yes. He leaned slowly and didn’t stop until their lips were pressed together.

Is this what a real kiss feels like? Thought the both of them. Also, for both, it was their first time kissing. Everything was new to them. It felt so soft, yet so good.

They stayed like that for about 30 seconds until Sousuke pulled away, his face probably a red mess just like Makoto’s. He placed his hands on his lap and looked down, an awkward silence between them.

“Mako-”

“Sous-”

They both spoke at the same time but stopped.

Sousuke gave into the silence and took a deep breath,”Makoto...as you can most likely tell..I have feelings for you.” His heart was threatening to jump out of his chest. What if everything just went wrong?

Makoto’s heart almost stopped at Sousuke’s words. “U-um...so do I…”

Awkward Silence. Again.

However, Sousuke broke it a minute later,”does this...mean..”

Makoto looked up at him and got where he was going,”I mean..if you want…”

Sousuke smiled and let out a nervous laugh,”I bet we both look stupid now.”

Makoto smiled as the tension died down a bit,”no can see us though. Only we’ll know.”

Before they could continue, it stopped and the door opened. They had completely lost track of time and almost forgot that they were even in a ferris wheel.

Sousuke got out first and offered his hand to help Makoto before the person in charge could. Makoto took it, a smile on his face, his other hand holding the plushie.

After that, Sousuke never let go of his hand as they exited and spoke,”should we go find a spot for the parade?”.he asked. Makoto’s heart was racing but he held his tighter,”yes, lets go do that.”

The two of them were happy. A happy that wasn’t just because you won a game or your team won the swimming competition. It was a different kind of happiness, a content happiness. A happiness that only belonged to them and that they could only feel with each other. A happiness that made both of their faces light up with bright smiles.

A happiness that no one else could make them feel.

#soumako #soumako writing

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overbakedone · 6 years

Text

this is the first time i've ever started writing my thoughts and feelings anywhere before. this is not easy.

instead of writing things and then deleting it all because its not good enough or it sounds stupid i'm just going to write it now and stop backspacing. i guess i should start with where i am in life right now so there is some perspective.

im 25, im a bakers apprentice, i live with my parents, i have a girlfriend, lets call her ‘C’ who for the first time feels right to me despite everything, i barely have any friends, they don't ever want to see me, i don't have much time in my life right now, i work all night and struggle to fit sleep into my schedule. but things are really the best they have ever been for me. i just started an AFL 9′s competition, weird i usually have no confidence going into these things and will either quit after the first practice or not even show up, i really kinda enjoyed it and am excited for next week.

i've wanted to start writing anything for a few months now, i guess now i have some time. time is so fucked up, i wish there was more of it, i wish i could sleep without wasting my day, i wish i didn't have to compromise sleep for everything but i do, i guess its part of being a baker, its a job i am loving and i think i've found my life passion but it has its ups and downs. my partner C expects a lot of my time i guess, she can be very needy at times, demanding almost, sometimes i feel pressured by her to sacrifice my sleep, personal plans and hobbies and interests for her, but i know what she feels, she wants the same thing i do. she has problems making friends, or keeping friends, she feels isolated and alone, and she wants my companionship, and i want that too and despite anything i feel in the moment i always feel happy about her at the end of the day.

i should be grateful for the relationship i am in right now, i really should be grateful for a lot of stuff, my parents for allowing me to stay here still, being so supportive and also allowing and accepting of me and really tolerant of the shit i do. ok so i do smoke week every day right so that's already something to do at home that's difficult, i'm pretty sure they know and don't care or even agree that my life has been better since i started smoking, fuck i used to be on antidepressants, i took one every day at a certain time, it made me feel a bit better, ok sounds just like smoking right, expect when i didn't take this pill i got nausea, headaches, severe episodes of depression, i couldn't eat my appetite was so fucked up i was eating one meal a day and it was like a piece of bread or takeaway food. since the smoking started i've found some actual passion in life, i don't feel like a useless number anymore i guess.

one of the things on my mind always is my friends, since i was in highschool i havent really had a group of friends, i feel like i am a social person but then when it comes to it i feel like i just get burned. a lot of my old friends turned out to be secretly hating me and not wanting me around, some sort of pity friendship, i was an asshole in my time and honestly was not a good friend myself, do you pay for the dumb shit you do as a teenager, the people you fuck over go from your life completely yet new people you meet do the same things to you like they know. i had/have a long term best friend, J, we had been mates for years, we worked at my old job dominoes together for a bit, and kinda hung out a few times, but not until we got into PC gaming together did we form a bond. after that we would chat every day, play games together, watch the footy together, go places even though he lived across the city from me. one thing that changed massively in my life was i quit drinking alcohol, and then i felt like all my friends both disagree with my choice and resent me for it, like for some reason i have to take the same drugs they are taking at that time to be their friends. so J has just grown more and more distant, i get that we are older now, we both have partners, jobs that take a lot of our time, but then when we hang out or talk he seems disinterested, more interested with his friends that i introduced him to (from our discord server) and has seemingly replaced me, none of these guys i really like at all, in fact the only one of the new group i like is the one girl in it because she actually has interesting things to say.

fuck that was a paragraph, i guess i should talk about alcohol.

alcohol has fucked up my life, i cant repair the mistakes and stupid things i did while drinking alcohol, so they are there, i guess its just talking about it left. to start off, when i drink alcohol i have a hard time finding my limit, i feel like i swing from nothing to completely blacked out, puking, sobbing and basically hating myself very quick, i feel sick for days after drinking, barely able to eat, leave bed, move, i feel so nauseous and tired, its so fucked up what it does to your body, but oh your mind is even worse. i've broken off relationships, cheated, threatened people, gotten into fights, brawls, got my arm broken, hurt myself repeatedly, gotten arrested and a criminal record that may prevent me from going to canada next year, and is currently delaying booking flights, ive missed work, shown up drunk same clothes no shower to work, but the main thing that alcohol does to me is makes me sad. alcohol makes me so fucking sad, it makes me reach into the deepest pits i can think of and brings out all the emotions that are in there, my ex being the main one. every time i used to drink id think of her, call her, text her, go on her facebook, look up her instagram her twitter, fuck it drive my car to her house to see if her cars there like that does anything or means anything just fucking alcohol is so stupid. i never want to feel like that again, i never want to sabotage my life, sabotage and self destruct my relationships, but i guess losing my friends is the thing i have to take in consideration. australia is a fucked up place, where drinking heavily is the social norm and if you don't get fucked up or even have a beer with mates you're a loser.

i just want a deep connection with my friends. when i was in newcastle with my partner, i met her friends there that she had been living with, despite the fucked up things that happened to her there, she lost a lot of friends herself and a long time friend, had trouble finding new ones, trouble fitting in, the friends she had there were the most honest and truly welcoming, connecting people ive met, and i miss that. i miss having a friend you can just, go over to their place, sit around for 3-4 hours talking shit, laughing, listening to music, relaxing and sharing stories and shit. weird that people can have such an effect on you in a short time. the life i live here is full of making plans, only for them to be cancelled, inviting friends over, for nobody to show up, cancelled plans all the fucking time, i've never been asked to just come over and chill, never its always some group thing that i'm invited to as well. i even try talking to them about this, i told a group of girl friends i have, i miss you all and haven't seen you in so long, we need to have a casual hangout, and the message was almost completely ignored, i asked them all to come to mind to watch the grand final, the house was free, i got a big projector screen, big comfy couch, live central right in the middle of everyone, nobody even replied or brought it up again, yet the second someone else that lives in the far corners of perth brought it up everyone started chatting about their plan to go. so if that's not my friends making it obvious they don't want to see me, they only include me then thats fucked up. i don't know what to say, this happens all the time, my 21st birthday i invited 65 people, and less than 15 people showed up. its hard to keep trying, always trying, i always try to make social events, i always ask friends what they are doing, when they can see me, make plans, they get cancelled, they are busy, they say they're coming then don't show up, most of the time i never hear a word too, they just dont show and don't even apologize, is that a fair thing to do, yeah sometimes i dont go to my friends events, i'm too fucking tired or just don't feel like going, somethings come up, i tell them straight away i cant make it i'm sorry this has come up, yet i don't get the same courtesy.

am i an unlikable person

the guys at work seem to like me, so i started a baking apprenticeship, basically i started watching great british bake off and picked it up as a hobby, making cakes and stuff, actually i should go back. so i used to work in some shitty small software company in the city, 9-5, peak hour traffic, office drama, workplace bullies, understaffed, overworked, red tape and bullshit everywhere, i quit after 2.5 years for mental health reasons, i made a lot of money but had to move on, so i spent a year off , it was only supposed to be a few months, go on a holiday road trip with my then partner, S, she broke up with me via a text message right after eagles lost to melbourne at home, basically the footy game was more disappointing, we had a shit relationship, i think i resented her, i cheated on her, yeah i'm an awful person and deserve everything, she was an emotionally manipulative person, terrified of her own body and sex, tried to dominate my life and change me, im glad we broke up. so i stayed unemployed for a long time, over a year, barely looking, until i found this baking apprenticeship, not only did i apply for the job and write a completely custom cover letter (im so fucking lazy i usually close a job application the second it requires anything more than an apply button) AND i called back a few weeks later when i heard nothing, well turns out that call landed me the job, the apprentice they hired instead of me was useless, had no passion and was a slow worker. so i got the job, and basically have been killing it ever since, i get a lot of praise at work (lots of criticism too) baking is one of those things that takes time, its all about time, so i got a lot to learn but i am actually confident once in my life, holy shit i have a job i like and am good at. is this the dream?> lol

so today i started writing my feelings down, and its kinda felt good, but i'm exhausted now, and my fingers hurt, so this is the end of my first post, i hope nobody reads it, its really just for me but i don't know.

thanks for listening i guess

#self #baking #life #thoughts

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s-nnyd · 7 years

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hey. all of the qs from the ask meme that apply to you. have fun

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents?

oh boy well with my dad most certainly not theres a lot situations where its been made obvious that im not the son he wanted but he’ll still use me as an example to show to my lil bro and also like theres a lot of cockiness too and with my mom i love her and i know she loves and supports me but a lot of that is because im her daughter and id say id have a decent relationship with my mom and i do love her

02: Who did you last say “I love you” to?

lmao it was you

03: Do you regret anything?

oooooooooooooooooo boi man i been thinking and like ive thought about if ive regretted ever being friends with angie and id like to say that i dont cause shes done a lot and shes given a lot to me whether it be good or bad and ive grown a lot from it and i think that if i completely erased that then i wouldnt be able to work through the things i have and like in other aspects i regret not saying “i think youre cute” to movie girl and knott’s info boy like my goodness they were both so damn cute and i really shoulda said something

04: Are you insecure?

hell yeah i am

05: What is your relationship status?

single right now and i do want to eventually date someone and have that sort of closeness and that sort of relationship where i can feel at peace and rely on someone but i honest to goodness don’t think there’s anyone for me just yet and i don’t think im in a place really to be dating anyone cause i need to resolve things before i try to start something new

06: How do you want to die?

oh man duuude okay so when we read granny weatherall i legit like had a breakdown and i started panicking cause i started thinking about death all of a sudden and like there are situations where ive considered suicide and all but like there are also the times where it feels like its looming over me so much and like i get so so scared like im scared to walk down the pier at the beach at night because it so dark and the point where you look out onto the horizon and the horizon no longer exists and and its just a void and its so dark and like i think thats how i wanna die just im walking out on the pier at midnight and just im swallowed up because i think in the last moments i think i should just confront it

07: What did you last eat?

i had these hawaiian shortbread cookies that are so dang good like mmmmmmmmmmmm

08: Played any sports?

man i used to do tennis and swimming and i would love to go back to it

09: Do you bite your nails?

nah

10: When was your last physical fight?

like one where someone was genuinely hurt? like an hour ago and it was with the ground cause i got flung off my skateboard but for real i think my last physical fight was like kinder

11: Do you like someone?

skdjashjdkashd i doooo and i should noottttt and theres a lot of things i already know that its kinda like the crush is coming from the fact that there was a lot of support and general niceness and a whooollle lot of other reasons why i should not and im looking forward to the day when this goes away

12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours?

my goodness i have and i died

13: Do you hate anyone at the moment?

hmm i do but i forgot who it was

14: Do you miss someone?

yeah i kinda miss my old self but for real i really miss my cousin lynnette like i havent seen her for like two years and i really needa hang out with her eventually

15: Have any pets?

dang i wish

16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment?

at the moment? p distressed and very in my own head like i really need a break from a lot of other things but i also need a break from myself oh! ill show you my art project that were doing later when i finish it cause like we ended up havign to do an extreme emotion self portrait of how we feel at this point in time and like its hilarious cause ppl pass by it and theyre like “dude are you okay like just looking at that makes me feel bad”

17: Ever made out in the bathroom?

dkjasdh i have not but i lowkey wanna just cause

18: Are you scared of spiders?

uH YEAh

19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance?

i would i would and if it was to relive a memory definitely if it was to redo something over differently most definitely if it was to reexperience something wihtout changing something then uh no

20: Where was the last place you snogged someone?

hhhhhhh oh my goodness lowkey embarrassed to say it cause weve talked about places to snog a while ago and like the last time i did was like in the bushes in the sculpture garden

21: What are your plans for this weekend?

maybe working on the death of a salesman project maybe just getting some rest im really not sure im literally living day to day at this point

22: Do you want to have kids? How many?

pfft man i do not wanna have any kids like at all

23: Do you have piercings? How many?

i got two but theyve closed up already since i dont use em

24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)?

art, a bit of dabbling in math, and then also psych like i lvoed the fuck outta that class

25: Do you miss anyone from your past?

oh yeah definitely and i think about her a lot i definitely miss meleana and sometimes ill go out and theres a souvenir shop and ill look at the best friend necklaces cause she always got one for us and like i have a box just full of all the halved best friend necklaces and i wonder a lot what would have happened had we still kept contact she was a big gateway to a lot of things in my life

26: What are you craving right now?

mmm some damn relief but for real tho i want someone to run their hands through my hair and pet it and all like any of the daydreams i have are usually centered around my new haircut

27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart?

i? dont? think? so? theres like only one of two people i know of who like ever liked me and that was jolin (the other one is this sophomore from my art class last year)

28: Have you ever been cheated on?

lol no

29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry?

wish i could even get a date

30: What’s irritating you right now?

well i brought up the other ones in our chat and those are the main ones currently so

31: Does somebody love you?

yeah and i think in a lot of situations whether theyre friends or fam im being put on the weird pedestal

32: What is your favourite color?

OH OH OH ITS CERULEAN BLUE LIKE I KNOW ITS REAL SPECIFIC BUT LIKE THAT THAT BLUE IS SO GOOD LIKE EVERY TIME I SEE IT IN PUBLIC MY CHEST SWELLS UP AND MY LUNGS FEEL SO COLD AND THE AIR FEELS REALLY NICE AND LIKE MAN I LOVE THAT BLUE

33: Do you have trust issues?

lol yeah and in the process ive lied a lot and ive gotten so good at lying that sometimes i forget i am lying and the lines between whats truth or not get all blurry (i legit did not mean for that to come off as tumblr-esque as it did)

34: Who/what was your last dream about?

it was me just kinda floating in random space and then i was in a white room with no walls no doors no windows and i just walked around in this open blank space

35: Who was the last person you cried in front of?

hhhh mrs quiggle

36: Do you give out second chances too easily?

sometimes i think i do

37: Is it easier to forgive or forget?

forgive

38: Is this year the best year of your life?

haH hAH HAH haaa.......no

39: How old were you when you had your first kiss?

uh i believe 13 oh wait no scratch that i was like 8

40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked?

i needed to get the laundry so...

51: Favourite food?

prolly ramen oh or loco moco cause its so good

52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason?

mmm i think id say i do

53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night?

i was working on my entry for the lawyer firm art contest

54: Is cheating ever okay?

hell no

55: Are you mean?

i think so cruel even just cause i know so much and i think people who know and understand and think so much are in general dangerous cause they calculate their actions and sometimes that scares me cause i cant tell if im doing it on purpose or not but just in general yeah im mean like too many shits are just not given

56: How many people have you fist fought?

like? uh? i think maybe two and both times were when i was like 8 or 9

57: Do you believe in true love?

mmm i do i do and i think a lot of that true love stems from a relationship based on communication, honesty, trust, and a really good friendship as a foundation

58: Favourite weather?

oooOOOOOO okay so do you remember that one time it was raining hard as fuck like sophomore year like i know its real vague but it was legit pouring and like it was actually so bad that everyone adn i mean everyone went into the library to get some form of shelter and there were people who were soaked to the bone and peoples umbrellas were getting broken cause it was so cold rainy and windy like that that kinda weather is my fave

59: Do you like the snow?

uh i think i do?

60: Do you wanna get married?

hell yeah

61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby?

mmmm i get a lil weird on that but i think some of my favorite ones are like being called “love” like “whats going on love” or “you look good today love” like mmm i eat that shit up

62: What makes you happy?

man legend of zelda is makign me so damn happy rn like it legit means so damn much to me adn like theres so much i lvoe about it and i just lvoe talking about it and anything about it in general and like also skateboarding has been making me real happy lately like ive never loved getting hurt more and like that sounds really bad and like my left knee’s nerves are totally shot cause i fell straight on it and messed it up cause i was skating but like theres just soemthing about feeling more within my own body because im gettin some form of physical activity adn im getting hurt adn its like its a reality in its own way and like i really love it and i super love when i get to cruise like it feels so damn esp with my hair now and also what makes me happy is the ppl i find cute every now and then like its genuinely such a nice experience and oh oh i just wanted to talk about it jsut cause but like whenever i get a crush i get real excited and real happy cause like i love getting them gifts and seeing the surprise and the happiness on their faces cause its like oh you thought of me and oh its somehting i really love and like it makes them happy for that glimpse of a moment and like i love talking to them and like when they tell me about things they like or their passionate about its so nice to hear cause its like yes yes yes i support you and i love you i love seeing you happy and like just seeing your brightens my day and like even if i do confess and i do get rejected ive been mroe than lucky cause its like the people i have confessed to have been so gentle with the rejection and so kind with it and its like oh no!! like yes im sad that we couldnt be more but like thank you!!! thank you so much for letting me love you adn letting me give you so much thank you for brightening my days up and lettign me see your smiles and hear your laughs like thank you so much im so glad i could crush on you and like thats another thing that makes me happy and like theres probably a lot more that i could talk about but i think ill leave at that for now

63: Would you change your name?

i been actually thinking about it for a while adn in the times that i have considered it i usually use a game with the customizable name to try it out and like at some point i used Elle and then i tried Lynn and like i dunno im really not too sure and maybe if other names come in the future ill test those out cause truly it doesnt feel like my name is my own

64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed?

mm yeah id think so cause theres stuff we were supposed to talk about that we didnt and uhh yeah

65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?

say “thanks im really flattered but i really dont think im in a place right now where i should get into a relationship”

66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around?

lmao no

67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to?

uhh the guy at the receptionist desk when i went in to submit my entry for the art contest

68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?

lol if what we talked about wasnt deep and it wasnt you then itd be mrs quiggle

69: Do you believe in soulmates?

fuck yeah

70: Is there anyone you would die for?

i dont think so like i wouldnt even die for myself

#thanks jae #this really was a good breather and it made a lot of things feel better #sickinthesoul

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whatson-northwales · 6 years

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Over the last decade, its dawned on me that we have been living in a society addicted to plastics. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but on the Beaches of Anglesey whilst out running or doing our water sports its increasingly obvious that more and more plastic is being washed up on our shores. Each day we see the tide roll in and then out again, bringing with it a new wave of flotsam that has been discarded to the deeps. This is the story of single use plastics.

So what are single use plastics you may ask? Well put simply, plastic packaging that gets used once in its life cycle and then is discarded. Examples of this are, plastic bottles, plastic straws, plastic cotton wool buds, plastic lighters and plastic tooth picks to name but a few. They get used once, then chucked into landfill or the oceans. Most of the emphasis has been on ocean related plastics found on the foreshores of late, but this is only half the story. The rest end up in landfill sites across the world. Plastics can last upto 600 years until they finally degrade down into such small particulate size, that we can’t see them anymore. But they never really degrade down totally, they move into particulate form and then they enter our fresh water systems first and then us through our drinking waters thereafter.

The life spans of single use plastics.

Whether we are scuba diving, spear fishing or swimming on Anglesey, we notice the plastic waste on our outings more and more. Some plastics are deposited on the foreshore but most is below the low tide region, where most beach goers don’t actually see it. Some times on the receding tide line, a line of small particulate plastics is left in a wave crest like pattern all the way down the beach in multiple waves. Those particulate plastics are symptomatic of a far greater problem and those beaches are part of a bigger network of beaches all suffering the same fate.

A typical scene all along the welsh coast after a spring tide. Heartbreaking.

With a fast food style, fast consumer society, the demand for super fast, super cheap plastic goods from foreign countries got the better of us.. we succumbed to the capitalistic culture that served us, oh-so-well. Then the plastic hangover kicked in. Its like waking up thirty years later after a bad night out and seeing the results of your tequila filed antics. Yes plastics have made our lives a lot easier – you have to struggle to think of any house hold products without plastic in right? But what where the consequences ? maybe its time for a change in our ethos..

The result of our post consumerism ways. A plastic filled hangover from hell.

With the BBC popularising the plastics global problem on the most recent amazing documentary on the blue planet 2, I think the whole globe finally got the understanding that we are in a whole world of bother with our plastics mess. But there have been amazing ambassadors on the internet who have been doing their piece long before the BBC piped up. Patagonia have been doing an amazing job with their ethical companies for the pst 20 years. And their ambassadors like Liz Clarke from Swell voyage have played a pivotal role. Along with a host of very popular bloggers such as Lessplastic, Paredownhome, Treadingmyownpath, goingzerowaste and more.

We have seen the vast ocean gyres of plastic floating around the pacific and the sandal filled beaches of the pacific Oceana, and the garbage filled slums and waterways of India that are beyond shocking. It seems the whole world has suffered the same fate from our addiction to the black gold. Whilst studying this in oceanography at university almost ten years ago now, back then there did not seem to be an imminent threat to nature, but maybe there was all along and the world of technology just hadn’t caught up yet to spread the word.

The Large ocean gyres that run our beautiful oceanic conveyor belt.

With the increase of connectedness of our society through the medium of social media in this age, word travels almost instantaneously. Images are shared in a heart beat and videos go viral. This wonderfully blessed time that we live with this thing called the internet can be most amazing. We can rally support for people in need in minutes with Gofund me pages at the click of a mouse, we can raise awareness to a causes that we feel are important to our communities and we can show real time video and images of events unfolding there and then. This is true empowerment.

The power is firmly back in our hands, ironically it always was we just never realised it. But remember we are the people who must take action, don’t wait for your councils, authorities or governments to jump at the task- they won’t, unless it serves them in the next elections. Take back the power and vote with your feet and your pound. What do I mean by this?, when you walk on a beach, take a back pack with you and pick up anything plastic you see, as little an effort as this can make an differnece- make it a habit. Blog it and show the world what your doing and share the good deed. It may inspire another to do the same. Call this your beach tax.

Locally organised beach cleans are now all over Facebook. This one by the amazing surfersagainssewage

When you are purchasing house hold goods make sure they are in line with the same ethics. Make sure they are plastic free (if you can) opt for bamboo alternatives, choose metals over plastics and natural fibres over plastic materials. There are a whole world of options out there now to choose from. If you want a more detailed idea there are many really cool blogs out there which help you navigate your way to becoming zero waste and plastic free. This is not a fassionble trend, this is a cultural shift in ethos.

Shopping in true plastic free style. This is advanced level but how amazing is it?!

Some amazing blogs that I have been reading and odin my home work on are myplasticfreelife , goingzerowaste and here is a guide to some other great bloggers on zero waste here

So what changes can we make to our daily rituals and habits to make a difference to Mother Nature? Start small. The disposable coffee cups you drink are not as disposable as you may think- in fact they are not at all and have a plastic lined inner which can’t be separated and recycled. Opt for a bamboo refillable one instead or a metal SIGG coffee flask that your favourer coffee shop can fill up for you.

Next ditch the plastic straws. Opt for paper ones in pubs and restaurants and for the home purchase bamboo straws or stainless steel ones. I can’t tell you how many plastic straws we see on the shores of Anglesey. its shocking.

A basic zero waste bathroom set up! How easy is that?

Lastly cotton wool buds, again these litter the foreshores of every beach in the land after being flushed down the toilet. It doesn’t need to be this way. Buy the Bamboo alternative, easy hey? .. and thats how it all begins. I’m constantly getting schooled in this new cultural shift also, so I’m not the guru here merely a pupil, but a keen one! I’ve had an eco coffee cup for a while, I don’t buy disposable coffee cups and I stay away from single use plastics as best I can, its a process. Start with an eco shopping bag and move from there.

Top offenders in our flight against pollution in our oceans

Image by : The Fast Company

Its kind of fun and In some ways I treat it as a new adventure in our shopping styles. Plus I really like all these small independent retailers I’m finding along the path who create these new organic, wholesome products. Im done with the big industrial firms, they are a thing of the past. Independents who make products with love, not harming our planet along the way are the future.

Its a bit of an adventure finding all the new ways to learn to shop without plastic..

There have been great initiatives started and run by outstanding people and teams of volunteers in our community of Anglesey pushing for a ” Plastics free status ” Sian from Psyched paddleboarding and Surfers against sewage teams have been rallying to push for this initiative that would see local business backing the plan and scale back on their use of single use plastics, this would mean the use of plastic straws, bottles and disposable cups would be a thing of the past. Plans to push for a plastic free high street, as well as water refill points across the Island of Anglesey / Yuns Mon are to be made available to visitors purchasing single use plastic water bottles. So lets push not only for a plastic free Anglesey but a Plastics free north Wales too!

Sian Sykes in her natural element!

Sian is currently on her own plastics free adventure raising awareness of this topic by paddle boarding around the whole of Wales self supported. This 60 day plus adventure has taken here through the waterways of Wales all the way to the Bristol Channel where she currently is at time of writing moving back north. You cam follow her adventure at her facebooked here. Business is as usual with Psyched Paddleboarding though still so book now for your summer trips with her and her trusted team.

As an oceanographer I have traveled the globe working out at sea, been any seen many beautiful ports around the world. They all have the same conundrum. Plastic waste. Looking back now, I just though it was the norm- of course it was wasn’t, it was terrible and we always did a clean up and tried to recycle wherever we could. But back them we didn’t really have the means to make a solid change via eco products. But those times have now changed. We now do.

The effects on wildlife are the main priority amongst all of this though and that should be pressed. We are not amphibious and do not have gills. it is their home not ours that we are systematically destroying by our addiction to plastics. The prey that fall to these oceanic mobile plastics are vast. From Gulls to turtles to fish to whales. I could go on. So this is not limited to litter problem this is a full blown biological catastrophe for our aquatic cousins. So time is of the essence if we wish to have an ecosystem left to protect!

Top 10 Plastic free products :

1. Bamboo coffee cups

2. Steel straws

3. Bamboo straws

4. Glass water bottles

5. Bamboo cutlery

6. Steel lunch boxes

7. Eco shopping bags

8. Eco bamboo iPhone protective case

9. Bamboo Combs and Brushes

10. Bamboo charcoal infused tooth brushes

This is why we have set up our whatson plastics free online store. We wanted to learn what the eco options where ourselfs. So we set about learning and then thought, we have a website why not set up a amazon store with all the products we could find and share them with you guys. That way we can educate ourself and create a more balanced life in line with Mother Nature.

We hope it gives you some ideas and inspiration to step away from plastics piece by piece. we will be adding to it with the more and more products we test ourselves and we will only promote items that we feel that have a positive impact on you and the planet. Over the past five years both myself and my girlfriend have undergone a huge transformation in our shopping styles, diets and lifestyle to become more balanced. Maybe your the same.

We want to create a buzz around this new movement and get behind it all we can. Our plan is to create a massively reduced reliance on plastics. We will donate 10% of any profits we receive through the affiliate links on amazon to a local related plastic cause or charity- maybe you can help with that? Ideas are always welcome. Drop us a comment below. Also if you have any ideas for the store we would love to hear from your s we will be continually updating the items in there.

In the future we will roll out a full E- commerce store, but thats work in progress. For now know that our minds are on helping create an understanding on the issue, then solutions to the problems we face. A thousand mile journey is said to begin with the first step. So lets begin. Together. Nick

Don’t forget to subscribe to our weekly newsletters before the rest- oh and receive our new mini Ebook free!

Come say hi and give us a like on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and now youtube also.

A Plastic free Anglesey Over the last decade, its dawned on me that we have been living in a society addicted to plastics.

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