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punkpandapatrixk · 3 years

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Pile 1 - Too Polite to A Fault

King of Wands, 5 of Cups (Rx)

Priestess of Abundance & Red Physician (Galen of Pergamon)

Umm... are you sure people actually underestimate you? I'm seeing someone who's actually super strong and cool and calm and collected. But the thing is, you can be a bit of a coward in that you tend to be afraid of rocking the boat. Sometimes you find it hard to voice out your ideas, thoughts and opinions so... pay attention here... people who see your latent power, who don't like it, who don't want to see you shine, will see a crack in your character and use it against you. They'll treat you badly just because they think you're a pushover. And due to your peaceful nature, you tend to allow that to happen. Damn, you're polite.

Look, it's ridiculous to be so polite that we sacrifice our own mental wellbeing, okay? You don't have to be so reserved with people who aren't even polite with you. Think about that. You don't have to become them or behave badly just to prove a point, but remember that you always have the choice of showing people HOW to respect you. Of course, it starts with you respecting yourself first. If you carry yourself with an air of regality, if you stand by your dignity, you don't even have to say anything because your aura will speak for you.

Maybe you're afraid that doing so will lose you some friends, but... honey? What friends? Anybody who uses your gentleness and polite nature to mock you ain't no friend. Have the courage to be disliked by leeches who can't eat from your energy, and let them die (figuratively, please). It requires conscious effort to come to terms with this reality, but once you come around, you'll really be able to stop the cycle of meeting people who easily disrespect you—because now they can't approach you anymore.

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Pile 2 - Lack of Appreciation

10 of Cups (Rx), X The World (Rx)

Priestess of Magick & Silver Astronomer (Galileo Galilei)

Wow, actually... You're kinda the one who disrespects a lot of other people??

You see, people can see that you kinda don't appreciate the people closest to you. This is because you're so ambitious and you're always trying to make something amazing happen in your life, that you're willing to do anything to fulfil your ambitions. That's all great, but when you do so at the cost of the emotional wellbeing of the people who have actually been there to support you, it is only natural that you eventually fall out of their favour. They feel you don't appreciate their support because you make them feel like whatever kind of support they've provided isn't enough.

In a way, your worldview is kind of upside down. You're the kind of person who constantly projects your own faulty personality on others without ever realising that you're the one doing the things you don't like seeing in other people. Is this confusing enough to comprehend? You're lacking self-reflection because you almost never see inwards, you're always busy looking ahead because you have many important things to make manifest.

Do you realise that other people (notably those closest to you) have made many sacrifices for you? Have you actually ever showcased your deep gratitude for everything they've done or given you? Maybe you never considered their 'time' spent with—or for—you as something great, but if people are already busy with their own things, or if they also have their own struggles or goals to achieve and they're still willing to share some energy with you, that's big, okay? It's the small things like that you don't show appreciation for, and that makes people look down on your personality.

This may sound weird, but...

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Pile 3 - Major Envy!

7 of Wands (Rx), VIII Strength (Rx)

Priestess of Faith & Red Astronomer (Johannes Kepler)

-Hang on. There are mixed messages here.-

(okay, the second message is in the full ver.)

First off, the main message is all about balancing inner power and practical abilities. You, my dear, are superhumanly powerful, but at the same time, chill as fuck. I think it's exactly because you know your power and you are confident you can always rely on yourself to know the right things to do, for yourself. People are envious of that, believe it or not. People can't even begin to grasp how you've got your power and flair. They assume life has been easy for you. Not knowing it took you a great deal of traumatic experiences to make you as strong as today.

'They'll never know the violence it took to be this gentle.' - some meme on Insta

Meanwhile, when you give people advice (because they asked, or, seemed like they needed it) they see even more of your strength, charisma and wisdom, and some ways that made them feel even smaller as a person. Because your advice is real, straightforward, and to the point you make it sound so easy but those who can't envision themselves taking on the advice, they don't much like feeling incapable.

Even though you haven't done anything wrong, by just shining your light you irritate the lackluster lazy-ass demons in other people's psyche. It's not even funny how, then, these very creatures try to affirm to themselves that you ain't shit. It's almost like self-hypnosis but that ain't your problem. Those people have got problems and now they want to manipulate their own reality by believing that you ain't shit. So, they purposefully underestimate you (even disrespect you) as a conscious way of affirming their own bullshit self-hypnosis.

Honey, you know you don't have to participate in their stupid game, right?

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vdlest · 3 years

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You left something

Characters:

Bucky Barnes x ExAvenger!Reader

Summary:

It has been a year since you left the life of being an Avenger. But after a year, someone showed up in your house, telling you that you left something when you left your old life. What could it be?

Warning:

Swearing

Mention of sex/one night stand

Fluff

Bucky being soft (it's a warning, right?)

One of the best years of your life was being an avenger. You were one of the greatest assets of the team, that's why when you left the team, they had a big loss. It wasn't really your intention to leave the life you had, but when Steve disappeared, Tony and Nat died, you were deeply devastated. You and the rest of Avengers like Sam, Bucky, Wanda, Clint, Bruce, Thor, the Guardians, and Spider-man continued what the original six started. However, one heated argument between you and Bucky made you leave the team — after a mission in Norway, you comforted Bucky when you saw him alone in the roof of the compound, you told him that he shouldn't let sadness take over him and his life, but Bucky didn't liked it. He exploded and told you that instead of Steve, Nat, and Tony, it should have been you who died and disappeared.

The very next day after your argument with Bucky, you left the compound and you just left them a letter, telling them how sorry you were for leaving them. You told them that you are not worthy anymore to be part of them, so you made a sacrifice, leaving the old life you had.

Upon leaving the Avengers, you moved to a small city in California. You started your own farm there and live in a peaceful life, but sometimes you miss being on the team, especially when you see them on the news.

But you had to make a sacrifice. After all, you think you're not worthy enough, not like what Tony, Steve, and Nat has always been telling you.

They're gone, and so is your faith in yourself.

•••

You're in the middle of painting your front porch when you heard someone walking towards you. Your back is facing the front yard of your house, so you don't know if someone's coming or not, but because of your super hearing, you heard that someone is walking behind you.

You got up from painting the base of your porch and turned around to see who was walking towards you.

It's the most unexpected guest you ever had in your entire life — it's the man who made you decide to leave your old life, James Buchanan Barnes.

You avoided his gaze and continue whatever you are doing.

"Y/n," you heard him called you, but you just continue with what you're doing.

"What are you doing here, Barnes?" you asked him without looking at him.

"It took us so long before we could finally trace your actions for the past year. Did you really think we wouldn't find you?" he asked you.

You knew it was Wanda who always wanted to find you. She's your friend. It was you, Nat, and Wanda who had always been friends, but after Nat died and after Wanda disappeared, you lost the only friends you had. Eight months ago, you found out from the news that Wanda came back, more powerful and more capable of helping other people. You knew she wouldn't stop until she found you.

But why is Bucky Barnes who came after you and not Wanda?

"Ever since you left, all of us did everything what we could do to find you, but hell, you are good in hiding. Even Dr. Strange and Wanda cannot find you," Bucky continued talking as he walk closer to you.

You chuckled sarcastically, "Can't you just go straight to the point? Why are you really here?" you put down your paintbrush and faced him, "What do you need from me?"

He took one last step closer to you, "I need you to come back to the team."

The moment you heard him said that, you laughed and walked towards your tool shed. He followed you and you could see how confuse he is when he heard you laugh at him.

"What is so funny?" he asked you.

"You are funny, Barnes," you stopped from opening the door of your tool shed and faced him, "You were the one who wanted me to be out of the team, right? You told me that instead of Nat, Steve, and Tony, it should've been just me who died and disappeared. You remember that?" you asked him, fighting the emotion that is stsrting to build inside you.

He did not answer you and you see guilt in his eyes. But it's already too late for him to feel that way — he already caused you so much pain.

"Why don't you just go back to where you came from and leave me alone? You wanted this right? You wanted me to be gone? So here I am, I've been gone for a year. What else do you need from me?" you asked him.

You resumed in opening the door of your tool shed but before you could finally opened it, you heard him spoke again.

"When you left the team, you left something in there," he said.

You have no idea what he was talking about. When you left the compound, you made sure you got all your things and other belongings. So you have no idea what something you left when you left the compound.

"Me."

You rapidly turned around to face him once again.

"What the hell are you saying?" you asked him unbelievably.

"You left me feeling guilty for what I did and say to you. You left me and I wasn't able to ask for forgiveness for what I did. You left me hanging. And most importantly, you left me wanting you," he said continuously. You did not noticed that in every word he says, he is walking closer to you, and in ever step he does, you move back, but you stopped moving the moment you felt the door of the tool shed behind you, "The night you and I had an argument, I was having a rough time. I didn't know how I could live a life without my best friend, Steve. I wasn't ready to move on, but you kept on telling me to move on."

Your eyes remained on his gaze. You didn't even had the guts to move away or push him away. It seems like you were hypnotized by the way he looks at you and how he caged you between his body and the tool shed's door.

"I didn't mean any word I said that night to you. I don't want you to die or be gone as well. I want you to stay with me until the end."

When you heard him say those words to you, you came back to your senses. You pushed him away and walked away from him. It's not a surprise that he followed you.

"Y/n, I am telling the truth," he said while following you. "I thought I was just feeling guilty the whole time you were gone. Everybody is blaming me for your disappearance, and I thought I was just guilty about the fact that it was really my fault why you left. But no, it's not just about the guilt. It's about the longing I felt when you left."

"Longing?!" you growled as you stop from walking. You turned around and faced him, "You long for the person you wished to die and just disappear?" you scoffed and crossed your arms in front of your chest, "Do you have any idea how painful it is for me to hear those words coming from you? You, of all people, Bucky! You, of all people, said those words to me and made me feel like I'm just a nobody in your life! You made me feel I'm just a fucking whore you fucked once, and that was it! You made me believe that there's something special growing between us, but I was God damn wrong!"

Before you left the compound and the Avengers life, you and Bucky shared a beautiful moment together. You were with him when he visited Yori and apologized for the death of his son. After that, he asked you if you could stay with him for a while and he'll cook dinner for both of you. And so he did, soon after your dinner, you found yourself giving in and kissing him back. You thought it was the start of something beautiful and something deep with him, but after a week, he exploded to you and told you harsh things you never thought you could hear from him.

"I thought we're onto something good, Bucky. But it was just all a fucking thought," you wiped your tears away as soon as you felt them on your cheeks.

"I'm sorry for making you feel that way, y/n," he walked towards you and cupped your face. You wanted to avoid his touch but your body did not oblige to your will, "I was just lost at that time. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know if I was ready to give my all to you and just lose you. I thought by pushing you away, it would be less complicated for both of us. I can't afford to lose another person in my life. But I still did lose you."

Your tears continue to run down your cheeks as you listen to his words, his explanation.

You told yourself a million times, the next time you'll see him, you'll break his face, his bones. But you couldn't, especially seeing him now this close.

"Everyday, I hated myself for hurting you and letting you leave just like that. Everyday, I am regretting the words I pierced through you. And everyday, I am killing myself for wasting the beautiful start we had," he uses his thumb to wiped your tears away, "I tried my best to find you, to take you back, to apologize, and to have you again by my side, because without you, I am nothing, y/n. And I am not saying these words just because I've made a mistake to you. I am saying these words because I want to have you back in my life."

You looked down, making him remove his hands on your face, "I...I don't know if...if I could trust you again, Bucky."

You were too scared to trust him again, especially with your heart.

"You're asking me to give you my full trust again, Bucky. And it's a big thing to ask from someone who got scared of trusting people again," you said while looking down.

He uses his hand to hold your chin and make you look up to meet his gaze again, "I am willing to do anything to earn your trust again. I am not forcing you to do it right away, but I will earn your trust in every possible way I can," he seems like he was vowing or promising. "But I did not come all the way here just for your trust, y/n."

Your brows furrowed with what he said.

"I also came here to be worthy of your love."

Before you could say anything, he grabbed one of your hands and placed it against his chest, where his heart is.

"Because when you left, you left this one as well," he said referring to his heart.

You imagined countless times that you want Bucky to suffer and feel the pain you felt when you left everything behind because of him. But after a year of hiding your love for him with anger, you finally realized that it wasn't anger at all, it has always been love. Your heart has always been with him. You thought, why make him suffer when you can make him earn what he lost from the times that you've been away from each other — your trust & your love for him.

You hated him because he hurt you, but after hearing his explanation, it all made sense to you.

You are still in love with Bucky Barnes.

-v.dl

#Bucky Barnes #Bucky Barnes x reader #Bucky Barnes x y/n #Bucky Barnes x You #Bucky Barnes fluff #Bucky Barnes imagine #Bucky Barnes fanfiction #Marvel imagine #marvel fanfiction

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altairattorney · 3 years

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In response to your little rant about Homura's depiction in Rebellion, here's this.

"The end of Rebellion is... controversial, but let's unpack what happened here. What occurred?

Well, firstly, Homura was traumatized and tortured; the Homura at the end of Rebellion is not the Homura of PMAS; she's gone through trauma and loss that PMAS!Homura can't even conceive of. She literally turned into a fucking witch because Kyubey gaslit her into thinking she made up Madoka Kaname, according to Wraith Arc.

Then, during this process, she learns two important facts that fucks her worldview: 1) Madoka didn't want to leave her loved ones and give up her normal life if she had any other alternative, and 2) Kyubey is trying to destroy the Law of Cycles (that is, Madoka Kaname), and has figured out a means of stopping her from interacting with Magical Girls under controlled lab conditions, meaning they could eventually succeed in their objective.

That means if Homura let herself go into the Law of Cycles, she would be unable to protect Madoka, and the Incubators would eventually destroy her. Madoka will have been erased and forgotten with nothing to show for it. Homura could only cope with everything with the promise of being reunited with her and the solace that Madoka's sacrifice was worth it, and Kyubey took that away from her.

And, more importantly: Homura's wish had yet to come true. Homura's wish wasn't to be with Madoka, or to save the world. It was to protect Madoka. To be the one to protect her.

To put it in other terms, Homura was self-loathing to the point of suicide-ideation because she was worthless, good for nothing, a burden on everyone. That she should just die. Madoka saw worth in her, and tried to change that, but Madoka died.

Only one person in her entire life ever told Homura she was happy to have met her and this wonderful, kind, happy, heroic, courageous, beautiful, miracle of a person who walked into her life to tell her those words died.

DIED. FOR. HER.

Died to protect her. Died so that a worthless piece of SHIT like herself could live. Someone who had EVERYTHING in the world died with a smile to protect someone who didn't even want to. Not without her.

Not instead of her.

She was good for nothing before and now her mere existence caused the best person she'd ever known to die. She ruined Madoka's entire life by having been a part of it.

She has to fix it. She has the chance to.

She wishes, wishes, WISHES to go back, to unfuck this, to undo this, to be cool like Madoka said she could have been. To protect her. To be her shield. To be WORTH something because she protected something valuble. To pay her back for all her kindness like she'd never been able to do and finally, finally in her life, have done something that justifies everything else.

She didn't wish for Madoka to live. She didn't wish for her to be saved. She wished to be the one to save her so she could support her and reinvent herself as someone who isn't a garbage shit person.

And every single time, she fails.

No matter what she does. No matter how she compromises herself. No matter what disgusting sins she does (and she never crosses so many lines that she says she WOULD cross). Madoka keeps dying.

And most of those times. She dies for Homura. She dies, again, for Homura. She dies again and again and again and again in order to help Homura.

Until the very last time, she wishes to save Homura (and everyone else), so much that she never existed at all.

Dammit. Dammit. DAMMIT. DAMMIT. This is worse this is WORSE THIS IS WORRRRSE!

But she still tries to cope. Madoka's in heaven. She's saving everyone. Madoka had a smile. The world is BETTER, and she'll see her again.

Until the above happened. And Kyubey is going to destroy Madoka Kaname. She won't have ever been born and she won't even be saving Magical Girls. She'll truly be nothing.

Because she came to save Homura, fucking AGAIN.

And all this time she still never saved her. Never ONCE saved her. Not a single time has she ever, ever, EVER fucking saved her. Not ever, has she ever saved her, not even when Madoka made her final fucking wish.

Homura made a wish that never came true. So she never stopped being Good for Nothing. She has never made up for Madoka's kindness. She has never, emotionally, left that moment where she sobbed over Madoka's dead corpse in the water and the rain. And she's done that so many fucking times.

So that's her mindset. So when she saw the chance. She took it. If you can interact with Madoka, you can effect Madoka. So.

God dammit. Fucking for once. Fucking finally. This time, her last chance she'll EVER HAVE... she will save her.

Save Madoka Kaname. Not a vague concept. Not a hero. Not a law or a god. Not a cosmic idea. Madoka. KANAME. The person who smiled at her and said she was cool. The person who helped her buy a cellphone. The kind, wonderful person who loved and named a stray cat and pressed her face to hers and laughed and congratulated her for her accomplishments. The person who said that meeting Homura was her happiest memory.

Why can't this person, of all people, be happy? All Madoka Kaname wanted was to live her fucking life. With her family. With her friends and classmates. Living her day to day life which wasn't anything special but it was so special to her.

She WILL save her. Goddammit, she failed so many times because she always kept holding herself back but if this is her last chance then GODDAMMIT fuck it all, damn herself too.

She never cared, really, about being with Madoka. She was willing to die for her. She explicitly had plans to leave the town to Kyouko after Walpurgisnacht and LEAVE (probably to kill herself so her Witch didn't come for Madoka). She was going to die for her in Rebellion so that she'd be safe from the Incubators.

If she could save her, if she can finally succeed and protect that human smile living her human life, it's fine if Homura Akemi isn't a part of it. If Madoka can smile, she doesn't have to smile at her anymore. That's PERFECTLY FINE.

So she did it. She stole a piece of the Law of Cycles. Not a big piece. Not the Law, or the Power, or the Salvation. The Law of Cycles still functions in some sense, because there's still no Witches, there's still Wraiths, there's still Angels.

She stole "Madoka Kaname", the human being that the Goddess used to be. She stole her, yes. She took over the universe, yes. But what did she do?

She made it so Madoka Kaname existed, again. Reunited with everyone she cared about. She gave Kyouko, Mami, Sayaka, and everyone else the happiest lives she could give them without undoing their pasts (disrespecting their agency and core selves), even if it was only to keep Madoka happy in her silver garden.

She tortures Kyubey but no one's crying tears over that fucker. She seems to be letting the world run its course as naturally as possible, save for suppressing people's memories of what's really going on.

Sayaka, alive. Nagisa, alive. Living with Kyouko and Mami respectively. Madoka, alive.

Hell, the only change she made that we know of to Madoka's memories is three years in America.

Because, canonically, English is Madoka's worst subject.

And now, she's great at it.

No matter what it takes. Madoka Kaname will be happy. She deserves it. And Homura will make that happen, even if she, herself, never is.

But yeah go off about how Homura is a yandere stalker who likes to kill people."

Hey there! I thank you for your post and your insight, and I wanted to clarify that I don't disagree at all with this view of Rebellion and how it ended. I think it is all correct, actually. The problem I have with it is 1. Rebellion existing at all, and 2. the way they portrayed her choice as an act of evil conceived by a demon.

To begin with, there are a few details that I don't think really make sense considering how pmmm worked. Homura shouldn't even be a witch, first of all. Secondly, even though she cannot know for sure, I don't think Homura would have willingly told Kyubey about the world of before if there were any danger. Heck, I don't even understand how Kyubey could possibly have stolen Madoka, now that she is not an entity but a literal concept, a rule of the universe. Imo that is beyond absurd. Third, I am doubtful Homura would have gone against Madoka's wish, even though I totally understand why she did in the context of Rebellion.

The problem I have with Homura is that people thought about her as a yandere emotionless stalker who has an unhealthy obsession with Madoka even before Rebellion existed. That was a popular sentiment, and the big, big problem I have with this film is that while what she did isn't inherently bad or wrong - as you explained - the movie paints her as a LITERAL DEMON in the moment she makes that choice, and ALSO at the exact same time she declares her love canonically. That is so fucked up in so so so many ways. As not literal it may be, they gave her that creepy smile, and show that Madoka is confused in her new bubble and feels like she is someone else but can't remember why. And Homura brushes it off. As wonderful as it is that she is there, Madoka is uncomfortable, Sayaka is obviously enraged and Homura plays the part of the Evil Character.

This is just all so unfair and so wrong. It doesn't only negate the way this anime ended - and of course Homura deserved to go with peace and quiet like everyone else. No magical girl has to ever suffer like that again, including Madoka, right? (There were so many ways to reunite her with Madoka, but no.) It also visibly paints Homura as being on the dark side, and validates the horrific lens people saw her character through even before the film. It canonizes her as a lesbian in the same moment she is doing something clearly framed as wrong, and, on a surface level, reinforces her obsession. This is just a textbook predatory lesbian trope. I am sorry if you don't see it the same way, but it is just horrific to me.

I will never agree with Rebellion existing. I cannot stand the ending of this anime being undone and Homura being punched in the face and further tortured both in universe and as a character, after all the crap she went through. It is just disrespectful.

And as I said, she deserved better.

#Pmmm #Pmmm rebellion #Pmmm spoilers #Long post

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houndofcu · 5 years

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"So is it possible to summon your wife and best friend from the throne? If Chacha can make there I have no idea anymore on who and who can't be there."

“Ya know..... I’m not sure....” It wasn’t something he always thought about; frankly, it was more like he wanted to avoid thinking about it. He was immortalized as a hero, the Child of Light, the one destined for glory with a short life, and so he lived his life to the fullest without any regrets. Even as a servant, he never felt regret, instead focusing on the here and now, what his masters wanted of him, if they were worthy or not of his loyalty, the people he met along the way.

Many of the battles he fought as a servant were glorious in their own right. Some he was a victor in, while others he had been defeated. Some were sacrifices to ensure the greater good, others were him slaughtering who he needed to slaughter. Yet they all had some glory in them, as far as he was concerned.

Yet... glory was best shared.... no, celebrated.

Glory was best shown in the halls of banquets, drinks in one hand and food in the other, loud boisterous cheers rumbling through the halls as the hero was celebrated for another victory. Glory was best shared in the eyes and smiles of the ones closest to you, twinkling and bright like the sun gifted it’s light to the stars. Glory was best celebrated with a kiss from the one you loved, happy you survived for another day.

None of that glory could really be shared in the Grail Wars, wars fought in secret in order to keep the peace of the masses. The throne only recorded the actions and memories the hero chose to give them in death. Not shared with a group of people, but hidden in archives of an ancient memory, as if the arbiter of the Throne was a mute librarian. Even in Chaldea, glory could not be properly shared, as heroes and legends were a dime a dozen, and when all was said and done only the few masters and staff members on the mountain would remain. All the meanwhile, the servants would return to the throne, with one new, giant, strange collective memory recorded from the viewpoint of over a thousand eyes.

Oh how he wished that glory could be shared, even if it was between old friends again. How he longed for a sense of familiarity to it all, a nostalgia tied to an old age. Maybe, if even one of them came back, he could share that glory with them. Fergus and Scathach were around, yes, but both of them were mentors in some way or another, not peers who Cu could feel relaxed enough to share the glory. Maybe Fergus could satisfy that for a moment if they were both hammered enough, but it wasn’t the same as hearing the friendly Cucuc from Laeg, or the tender, gentle voice of Emer....

The lancer’s eyes darted back up to the Master, and upon realizing he was unusually lost in thought, he couldn’t help but chuckle, only for it to grow into a boisterous laugh. “Ya really did get me there kid! Who would think that me of all people would be thinkin about the good old days like an old man?” The spearman gave his master a strong pat on the back, one that probably would make him lose his posture for a moment. “I don’t know whether or not they’re heroes, but maybe if we kick the damn computer a few times it might get us what we wanted... or somethin like that.” Actually, that might just get people mad.

“Guess what I’m sayin is that we won’t know until we try! All we need is some luck, right?”

#anikiex #God this hit me in the feels #also there's a few people who've made Ulster servants and honestly they're doing an amazing job keep it up

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