#can't ever hope to get it right

[marypsue]

Keep seeing that post where OP starts like 'Thinking about...grieving the undead' and then adds on about like. Real life situations where people have not died but have left your life and you would have reason to grieve them.

All respect, that's an important concept, but that is not what I am thinking about when I read 'grieving the undead'.

#your brother is a vampire. he's sitting across the table from you chatting with your mother about her day #and he's dead and he's gone and he's never coming back. #he laughs the same and he talks the same but his arm is cold when he grabs you in a headlock and your dog won't be in the same room with hi #he'll still hang around watching TV with you and give you wedgies and make stupid jokes #but you can't tell him about the bullies at school anymore because this thing with your brother's face will just find them and kill them. #and not even stupid fucking Jason deserves what the monster in your dead brother's skin would do to him. #your brother is dead and lost and right there in arm's reach and gone forever with no hope of ever getting him back. #i'm sure there are corollaries to be written about like ghosts and zombies but this is the one i'm personally hung up on recently

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Bestie Deficiency

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #a-qing #xue yang #xiao xingchen #Xue yang is cold because cold blooded creatures can't generate their own body heat #I am skipping over drawing the stories they tell due to the fact this arc is already really dragging #but I think they are very key in understanding the yi-city characters #Even if they are stories that really bring down the slumber party vibes A-Qing was hoping for. #I mentioned some of my thoughts in the tags of no. 76 but to continue on a bit more #I think xxc and xue yangs stories inversely mirror each other on the meaning of sacrifice and what it means to 'deserve' something #to xue yang he has only ever sacrificed - therefore he is in his right to 'deserve' what he wants. And he wants everything. #xxc leaves song lan thinking its the best course of action to atone but my god. No it wasn't. Poor communication crown actually goes to xxc #but it's what xxc he feels he deserves - continued sacrifice to atone. He wants to want nothing. #both are very stuck in the past in ways that are not actually accounting for their actions #It's easy to look at xue yang and go 'dang you need to get over your childhood trauma' #but that very much ignores that fact that we - real human beings - define so much by our childhood pains. #Growth is having to come to terms with it and trying to move past it...and not everyone is ready for that. #I have a lot of thoughts on that matter but I'll let it be for now. #Anyways. Amiguito appears to be one of those words whos meaning change depending on speaker and contextual factors #So as far as I can tell it slides around on the scale on romantic and platonic. Which works for this dynamic. I think. #Native Spanish speakers I am so sorry.

[doodleodds]

Happy Valentines, Akira. Happy Valentines, Asshole.

If you can’t read what Akechi’s secondary inner-dialogue says cause I obscured it too much behind his regular dialogue, here’s a transcription in panel order: Hello, you fucking- Ah- Hello, Akira! Fuck off, why should I tell you- Just a soda- there’s a new flavor.

I don’t want your shitty gift. Oh- haha! You’re so sweet.

I hope I choke. They’re lovely, thank you.

Like hell. Likewise. There’s no way it’s just a coincidence. Still though, it’s a funny coincidence.

#p5 #akeshu #akechi goro #kurusu akira #wow- me?? posting a valentines comic... actually on?? valentines????? wack. absolutely wack #it's a short one! I purposefully tried to keep it short. it was a challenge and it still ended up being 3 pages. but i blame my canvas size #also in case u can't see what akira is holding out to akechi: theyre chocolate covered strawberries on sticks! #i saw them irl and was like oh god i want those. i am going to project that feeling on my favorite characters so help me god #and now! here we are! but my shitty-ass coloring & line quality make it hard to discern them so. sorry about that lmaooooo #ANYWAY i don't do enough post-maruki stuff so. i made this one a little bittersweet. :) #why did i put akechi's scarf in a bow? honestly i dont know! i think i saw some art a while ago that did that too and i thought it was cute #well. plus i guess there's the symbolism of 'akechi being alive and reciprocating your feelings (however involuntarily) IS a gift' part #hence that hes wrapped up in a bow. like a present. :) #also god. the first panel is supposed to be akechi's reflection in a vending machine window. I could NOT get it to look right #so for reference!!! just so you guys understand!!!!!! thats what that panel is supposed to be!!! he is NOT in fact a ghost. (sigh) #hope you enjoyed and had a lovely valentines!! for my part i have eaten nothing but sweets today and hoo boy will that have been a mistake #ALSO in terms of the audience-participation comic...hopefully coming soon. if i can ever gain the will to draw it. #but at least tumblr has polls now so i can do the audience-choose-y bit without needing to use a separate website! so thats good i guess #anyway anyway anway thanks for listening to me ramble if you made it this far! have a lovely rest of your day and hopefully see u again soon

[mayasaura]

I just want to talk about the nursery being painted and the purpose of the Tomb to be without a door. Anastasia had a family - and putting to the side the pact with Alecto there's some implicit symbolism to John asking for the workers of the Ninth to die constructing the Tomb with that image of new life. (Still can't articulate my disbelief that he went and didn't think that asking Anastasia of all people, The one who lost her cavalier to him, would have problems)

Yeah. Especially finding this out about the Ninth, where nurseries becoming tombs is a thing we're sensitive about.

On one level we've always known Anastasia had a family. Like, we know she's Harrow's direct ancestor. You can't be heir to the line of someone who never had children. But the nursery.... Yeah. It really hammers it in. Her friends painted a nursery mint green for her children.

And now it's a tomb.

#that's what the Anastasian is now after all #you're right there's really Something there #I've noticed something in John I think ties into this thematically that I really hope Kiriona is going to help us explore #John doesn't believe in a future #I said in my last Anastasia meta that Anastasia outsmarted John by making herself immortal in a way he couldn't understand #she left behind something she created to outlast her #John hasn't built anything to outlast himself and he doesn't think of the future at all #he mourns the past and fights like hell to live in an eternal present where nothing ever ends #you know #immortality #and a part of that—maybe most of that—is about despair #even way back before the world ended even before he had magic powers he didn't think of a future #I think he couldn't imagine one #and like. I get it dude #don't imagine the future and maybe it can't hurt you #how many people have you heard saying they don't want children because it seems cruel or irresponsible #they can't imagine forcing someone to live in the world they see coming #climate anxiety is fucking everywhere and for a lot of people in our generation—John's generation—it's coalesced into despair #but Anastasia did imagine a future #she had a family #and now John has a daughter but he still can't imagine a future for her #she's just as dead and eternal as the world he loved so deeply he killed it rather than watch it die #what did Gideon say when she saw the First? it had the look of a picked-over body but hot damn what a beautiful corpse #that's gonna be you baby girl #the final expression of the art of the nine houses #John gave up on hope ages ago #so it doesn't really surprise me at all that he still asked the builders to die in the tomb #the locked tomb #ntn spoilers #nona the ninth

[screamin-abt-haikyuu]

I don't think anything can ever beat Haikyuu for me. And I don't think I can ever express my feelings about it in words. No matter how many times I rewatch it, it just makes my heart swoon. My happy place. I'm glad I exist in this exact timeline where I got to witness it like this.

#if it wasn't evident i am very in my feels right now #my irl friends could never ever understand #some of my mutuals on tumblr are as close ill ever get to share similar feelings about it #in fact this page is probably the only place that sees me be unapologetically expressive about something i love so deeply #I'm grateful for everyone that was responsible for this show coming in my life #Haikyuu #haikyuu!! #can't fuckin wait for the movie #i really really REALLY hope it releases in my country and city

[front-facing-pokemon]

#shedinja #now THIS is what i'm talkin' about! i love shedinja. i think it's a very unique pokémon and wonder guard is very *cool* if only it were ever #y'know. relevant. this thing is weak to way too many types for it to be relevant but like it's still cool in concept i think #you kinda can't tell what it is from this angle but that's why you have me here to tag it so you do know what it is #so. bit of a life update for you all. i accidentally deleted some semi-important files i needed for work. like two weeks ago #and i didn't realize i did‚ bc they were inside a folder that i deleted. but i didn't need the files at the time and i hadn't for months #i hadn't used those files since like last year. but now i need them again and i just realized that i deleted them two weeks ago #by accident? and now i need them again. to be able to do my work. so i'm actually queueing this guy and the next guy up #while i'm supposed to be working. as i've just sent an email to my boss being like Haha Hey. Do you Have a Backup of tHese Files……… PLease #and i'm hoping DESPERATELY that she does. if she doesn't i'll have to fucking reverse engineer them which i am not excited for #if it comes to fruition. so i'm just hoping she has a copy of them. feelin like shedinja against a fire-type rn fr i swear #i'll let you all know what she says when i get her response. if i get it before i'm done queuing up shedinja and whismur #spoilers. whismur is next but you could just look up the natdex numbers. and know that whismur is next #also don't tell me to look in the trash. on my computer. i know they're not there. for one i checked and for two they couldn't be there #because i rm -r'd the folder. i didn't just right-click delete that shit. i killed that shit. it's GONE #you might be asking me… why would you do that! and i would say? i did not know these files were in there #you didn't ask for all this information so i'm cutting it off here

[thelastharbinger]

Tidbits of ATSV That I Enjoyed (Or Alternatively: Just Miles Being The Most Endearing Spidey Ever)

Miles patting The Spot's head after successfully webbing him (I don't see this as condescending, but rather him still engaging with the humanity of a villain like Spot) and ~very assertively~ telling/asking him not to escape.

"I'm like Robin Hood-if he gave to himself."

Miles' spidey senses going off when he arrives late to his dad's party because there's nothing more frightening than Brown parents when they're mad at you. Beware the chancla or correa!

O.k. So we all know there are different versions of the movie out there. You may already know that one of the slight differences is when Miles goes to save Inspector Singh. There's a version where you can hear Gwen's voice in the distant background yelling no! when she thinks Miles gets crushed under the rubble, and there's another where she's silent as she webs to him. Now, I have found ANOTHER version (online) where her shouting is even more at the forefront. She's practically screaming and sounds more desperate, (prolly because it's close to the same way her Peter Parker died so she's reliving trauma) and the fear in her voice is palpable. That one haunts me.

Jefferson trying to equate studying for his police exams to childbirth, which Rio quickly nips in the bud.

Ganke having a soccer poster of Son Heung Min, a famous Korean footballer who currently plays for the Premier League Tottenham Hotspur and is captain of the South Korean national team.

Miles having a Sashimi (his universe's version of Supreme, but I just like the idea that Miles loves eating sashimi. Like I know that kid has good taste in food) poster in his bedroom.

The fact that Miles kept in touch with Aunt May for long enough after the events of ITSV that he helps her move.

The Spot saying he was one of the more handsome scientists at Alchemax according to his colleagues.

Miles and Gwen having the same collectible toys, the only difference being that he keeps his in the box and she doesn't.

"Hey, don't try to wow me with big words, man," *in deep manly voice* "I do crosswords every day"- Miles after Spot points out Alchemax as "the crucible of our connection!"

Miles going, "This job is so dumb sometimes" after he tries to web Spot at the deli, but it goes through a hole and lands on his face.

"Nahhh, he seems more Dominican to me." Kinda want Miles to meet a native Dominican Spidey because that dynamic would highkey fuck hard *pun not intended*. They would repair relations between our two islands-PR&DR.

"Almost there Mami *smiley face* *cowboy* prayer hands*"

The college admissions coach at Visions Academy straight up saying, "That's your story! Now, just stick to the script..." Ma'am what???

"Calmate Mami, eso no es my fault."

"I've hit a lot of different villains with a lot of different food...I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

Miles in his angsty teen era and smart-mouthing everyone around him. Love that for him.

"He almost killed his mom as a baby, I mean, look at those shoulders." No but for real tho. Those shoulders are as wide as a truck. Kim Seokjin who??? (if you understood that reference, ily).

Miles writing a love letter to his dad in 2 cakes.

Gwen at the water tower chowing and saying how feelings make her hungry after her and Miles talked about how they can't be together cause it would end in tragedy. Like Gwen, come again?!

Also, Miles' and Gwen's talk at the Williamsburg Bank Building being lowkey the catalyst for the 2nd/3rd acts of the film. Without them both kind of silently admitting their feelings for each other, Miles probably wouldn't have chased after her the way he did. Pretty sure you know the rest.

"I bet she doesn't even speak Spanish," and Jeff going "Que barbaridad" in his very broken Spanish. Queue Rio's bombastic side eye.

Both Gwen and Miles referring to Spot as a Villain Of The Week, even though neither of them have spoken about Spot to each other.

"I was bitten by a-wouldnt you like to know? Know what I mean?" SIR. Chill. This movie is for children.

The Spot inverting himself, going from a white mass with black spots to a gaping black hole with smaller white spirals. It's giving Junji Ito.

The irony of Pavitr exclaiming, "Well that was another easy adventure for Spider-Man!" right before an incoming canon event. HIS. He was about to experience his first big loss, and his happy-go-lucky nature would've been challenged.

Miguel saying conyo! when all the Spideys start pointing at each other.

"!Cállate!" "Nosy!" Sidebar: we don't talk about Gwen's banter with bad guys enough. She's so funny!

A lot of the Peters saying hi to Gwen as she passes HQ because she is canonically the one lost love--the love interest they all would've ended up with had she not died, so they all have an affection for her.

Web-Slinger going "Giddy up!" Cause he's swinging up.

Miles offering his fresh new takes on how to deal with the Spot upon meeting Miguel, saying "He just wants to be taken seriously. Like we all do." MILES YOU BEAUTIFUL, COMPASSIONATE GOLDEN SUNFLOWER BOY I LOVE YOUUUUU.

Hobie referring to Peter B. as Humbling Reality Spider-Man, which considering how steeped in tragedy the Spidey lore is, is really saying something.

Miguel's nonono no puedo más no puedo más. His misery is very funny and delightful to me. Little bitch ass.

"You know you're the only Spider-Man who isn't funny." Yes! More Miguel slander in the next one, please! Little bitch ass.

"Snitch!"

Miles shouting out Peter's name for help whilst Miguel pins and lays into him the fact that he's an anomaly. This after he momentarily glitches back to his ITSV store-bought suit. Mimicking the way-in also the first movie-Miles shouting out Peter's name for his own rescue as Doc Ock attacks him at the research facility. Because even though he feels hurt by Peter at this point, that's still his dad mentor and he still instinctively looks to him for protection. Rip my heart out why don't you!

Gwen sneaking back into her and her dad's place just to get that printed polaroid of her and Miles, a pic she already has on her phone.

Earth-42 Miles wearing Nike while our Miles wears Jordans.

#hi. ive seen this movie 8x in theaters and twice on pirating sites. i am unwell #also sorry not sorry for the miguel slander. i am a miles loyalist thru and thru thst bitch is on thin ice #but also literally can't get over gwen “it really is so nice to get to talk to you. me & him its different. in every other universe...stacy #cause directly underneath that she's actually saying. “i missed you. and what i have with you i literally do not have with anyone else and. #you dont know this but ive met hundreds and thousands of spiderpeople. nd even in my friendship with hobie its not like what i have with yo #and im actually really smitten with you. the one person i shouldn't be smitten with bc there is no happy ending for us. and idk... #if i should hold off. and im letting you know all this so that you can decide for me. whether to take that lesp of faith or not with you. & #hope that say yes and make the first move so that i cant but help to just sink into you.“ #AND IT MAKES SENSE! SHE MET HIM JUST AS HE WAS LIVING THROUGH AN EXPERIENCE SHE DID. OF BECOMING SPIDEY. AND RIGHT AFTER #SUFFERING THE GREATEST TRAGEDY OF HER LIFE WHICH SHE WAS ABOUT TO BEAR WITNESS THRU WITH HIM. SHE WAS THERE FOR HIS UNCLE DYING AND WATCHED #HIM BECOME SPIDERMAN. WE FORGET THAT THEY ACTUALLY WENT THRU SOME HEAVY THINGS TOGETHER. THEYRE TRAUMABONDED. I KNOW THATS NOT WHAT THAT WO #ACTUALLY MEANS. BUT IT MAKES SENSE THAT SHE CAN ONLY TALK TO MILES BC THEY PERFECTLY UNDERSTAND EO. #anyways idk why im shouting. im high rn. but crazy how all of that meaning was subtly thrown in there. like we got a confession scene folks #from gwen of all people! i love that for me. #also back to miguel: so i know he's hot. but if a hot person were to ever be rude to a waiter we agree theyre no longer hot right? right. #atsv #miles morales #itsv #miguel o'hara #the spot #ghostflower #gwiles #gwen stacy #ghost spider #gwen x miles #rio morales #across the spider verse #into the spider verse

[mymarifae]

stupid fucking titty window distracted me on my first few watches (don,xt talk to me ok) but he has his hand held behind his back here... clutching his chips for dear life.. hiding the way he's shaking.........

#oh kakavasha for a guy who actively risks his life in hopes that something will finally just fucking kill him #and who is so sure of the value of his life (nothing) you sure are very scared to die huh #think it's like. he wants to die because he doesn't want this life and given his track record it seems death is his only way out #but he wants A life #but he doesn't really believe that's possible at this point so he just gets more and more reckless #how far can he go until his lucky streak finally runs out...? #but he wants a life!!!!! why can't his luck ever give him the opportunity to claim his freedom and have A LIFE!!!!! #also he's just like. scared. natural fears #he doesn't want it to hurt. he doesn't want to suffer more right before he breathes his last breath #and he's scared of the unknown aspect of it. what's after this? where will his existence go? will anyone even remember him? #will anyone even care? #he seems to be more at peace with the unknown and the 'pointless' struggle against death after his conversation with acheron #now he just needs to finish surviving his last gamble.. and maybe he can have A life #ok brain turned off my blood sugar just dropped ibcan't finish this coherently #AVENTURINE. AUSGH

[dazais-guardian-angel]

I'm finding it difficult to reconcile the fact that what I've always wanted and envisioned for Nikolai and his relationship with Fyodor based on fanworks and the very very little canon information we've had to go off of so far, will very likely be very different from what we actually get.

While I understand the appeal of Fyodor taking over Nikolai's body via his blood ability, and the inherent, romantic, ironic tragedy of that — for Nikolai, the person who yearned for freedom, to meet an end by having his soul eternally trapped in the body of the person he loved the most, while Fyodor lives on in his body, never truly knowing how much he was adored by him — I would just hate the idea of that happening now? It just feels far, far too soon for Nikolai to be dead, for his character to no longer have a role or a purpose; his mind and behavior is so utterly fascinating in all its bizarre contradictions, there's so much more to explore and discover with him, he's one of BSD's most complex characters, or at least he's set up to be, and I really hope Asagiri wouldn't throw him away this soon without doing anything more with him.

I never really thought that Nikolai would be the one to end Fyodor for good, way down the line (that can only ever be Dazai's job, to me, since he's his foil), but I always imagined he'd at least have some kind of role in attempting to kill him, since that's his ultimate wish. I imagined that it would be ugly, frenzied, unhinged, desperate, Nikolai finally being forced to acknowledge the horrible truth that's always been buried within his subconscious but he's never wanted to accept: that going against all human reason and killing someone he cares so deeply for will not, in fact, simply make those feelings go away, and will instead make them unable to ignore in his despair. The realization that he'll always be chained to human emotions, to love, no matter how much he thinks he can be free of them. And then, the ensuing breakdown from that. Yes, it's extremely fanficky lmao, but that kind of drama makes sense to me for him and them. It's interesting.

There was also the angst angle of Fyodor being immortal, and Nikolai's agenda perhaps stemming from wanting to save him from that, and being able to finally free him from it in the same way he himself wants to be freed. Killing being the ultimate expression of love, not too dissimilar to Mushitarou killing Yokomizo, both putting on an act of being hateful/vengeful/hostile towards the other in order to cope with the fact that deep down they can't bear the thought of them being gone.

But then we got Fyodor's "death" here, and Nikolai's reaction to it was so unbelievably underwhelming and calm that it made me question everything I thought I knew about Asagiri's writing skills him, and what the story is going for with him. And combined with this revelation now that Fyodor is (unsurprisingly!) immortal, but specifically in the way that he can be killed but supposedly resurrects endlessly (which I really like in of itself, don't get me wrong)... it makes me question what exactly Nikolai knows, or will know, and it somewhat destroys the potential angst we could get with them in the end, or at least drastically changes it.

If Nikolai already knows Fyodor can't be killed, that means we'll never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then has to face the fact that he did the deed and it didn't make him feel freed, and he instantly regrets it. It also means we'd never get a moment where he tries to kill him and then discovers he can't truly die, and the ensuing insanity that would occur from that. It also makes me even question the legitimacy of his reaction to Fyodor's "death" here... was it so damn apathetic and lukewarm because he already knows it wasn't permanent? I mean, I'd like an explanation for it feeling so ooc, it would make me feel better about that, but I can't deny that it would be disappointing to have yet another part of this arc that was just an act and not genuine feelings....

Now, that isn't to say that it's impossible to do anything interesting with Nikolai already knowing the truth. He could be wishing to try to attain free will through the illogical pursuit of an impossible task: in this case, killing Fyodor. There's a beautiful, tragic paradox in him wishing to attempt something to gain his freedom that he and we know is impossible, especially if subconsciously he takes solace in the fact that he'd be able to kill Fyodor without actually losing him for good. If Nikolai doesn't already know, assuming he's not dead he's likely going to find out the truth soon when he next sees Fyodor alive and kicking — I can't imagine a way he wouldn't find out. In that case, we wouldn't get the aforementioned scenario where he tries to kill him and discovers it's futile, which is the most juicy to me I won't lie, but I am still fascinated by the idea of how Nikolai will respond just seeing him suddenly alive again and having to process this after having just mourned him. It's interesting to imagine how he might respond to and treat Fyodor after at last knowing how it truly felt to lose him, and realizing how much he didn't want that, and then suddenly having him back. It might cause him to finally understand that his desire for freedom is unobtainable, and cause him to spiral, and fundamentally change their relationship going forward. An eventual tragic end for him such as Fyodor taking over his body would not feel out of place to me in that case, perhaps, but still not until we've had more time to see Nikolai reflect and see his possible change in perspectives.

I don't know, I'm just rambling at this point lmao. I know very well that so much of my expectations and desires for Nikolai and Fyolai are built up from fan content over the years just because there's been nothing else to work with, and that it's unfair to judge what Asagiri decides to do with him/them based on preconceived notions. Whatever he does could still be interesting in the end, even if it's not what I initially wanted or expected, and being open to being surprised is always a good thing. At the end of the day we still know barely anything about Nikolai, so it's not completely fair for me to judge something as ooc for a character we still know so little about.

But... it's because we know so little about him and have gotten so little of him, that at the very least, I'm gonna be really upset if he does die here from being possessed by Fyodor like people are worrying about. I really don't think he will, because I'm pretty confident the helicopter pilot is the one Fyodor swapped with/resurrected in the body of as per soup's theory, and again I'm not saying it wouldn't be fitting eventually... but I really don't want it to happen now. :/ I just think Nikolai still has so much potential as a character and so much more we need to see of him before his likely inevitable and tragic demise (however it happens), so whatever Asagiri decides to do with him I just really, really hope we don't lose him so prematurely; it would honestly be such a tremendous waste imo.

#bungou stray dogs #bsd 114 #is this meta? i don't know #more like just incoherent rambling lmao #i just don't want Nikolai to die man....... I really don't #i get that people are hyped up on the juicy tragedy of it all but plssssssss it's too soon for him to go #we need so much more of the enigmatic clown...... he's too interesting to lose just yet!!! #i'm sad at probably losing the outcomes i always hoped for him and fyolai but right now i just want More Of Him #he can't die so soon when he's barely even had pagetime #it COULD be fascinating to see Fyodor's reaction to taking over his body but....... i don't think he'd /have/ any right now #they need more time together before one of them dies #i always thought/hoped Fyodor would die first and Nikolai would be left alone to angst lmao but ugh........ #now it's really feeling like it'll be the opposite #which again doesn't HAVE to be a bad thing depending on how Asagiri executes it........ I just think this is way too soon for it to happen #i'm gonna be so mad if Nikolai just dies offscreen without us ever hearing from him again because Fyodor possessed his body #poetically cruel and tragic? yes. but also so anticlimactic at this moment in time #never getting to hear from him again......... #ugh i blame all the Fyolai fan creators; they've raised the bar too high 😭😭😭 #idk maybe i'm just talking out of my ass though. i probably am. i just feel conflicted about all this and need to see where it goes

[lunar-years]

what are your headcanons about tartt sr’s abuse? did it start when jamie was a teenager? was he always physically violent with jamie and maybe georgie too?

the s3 the finale is so disrespectful to georgie now that i think about it

Hi! This ones not super easy to answer because i think the show leaves the specifics largely up for interruption. My own thoughts on it are all over the map (and often change). I can basically see a lot of different avenues to getting to what we see play out in Man City, and I've seen a lot of differing thoughts on this topic; to be honest I find myself nodding along to most all of them even though all of them could definitely not coexist in the same universe, lol. So this is far from set in stone in my mind but here are my (once again quite long oops) general thoughts on how it might have gone (obviously TW for discussion of abuse below the cut):

the abuse canonically did start when Jamie was a teenager, because we know the Amsterdam trip happened when he was 14; whether the abuse also took the form of physical violence at that age I'm less certain, but I lean towards the bulk of that coming later. At this stage James was still in his "Stand Up Father" routine

I think the early relationship when James Tartt Sr. first came back into Jamie's life would've been a lot of false promises and the "Fun Dad" shtick Jamie describes when talking about Amsterdam. We also know James tried to get Georgie back at least once, and the way I interpreted the tone in which that was said was that the trip was neither the first nor the last time that happened. I kind of headcanon that James was in and out of rehab during that time, swearing to do better, making the same mistakes, rinse and repeat

Jamie's thoughts on James were a jumble of juxtapositions. James could always sweet-talk getting them an extra scoop of ice cream for free at the shop, he took Jamie to City matches and showed up all the time with cool or expensive gifts his mum could never afford - official kits and the like. He taught Jamie "life skills" like picking locks and petty crime tricks that, to a 12 year old were fucking cool! On the other hand he was also taking Jamie to pubs and making him try beer when he was like, 12 or 13. He made Jamie hang out with him and his friends - who were crude and brash and kind of scary. He arranged for Jamie to lose his virginity in Amsterdam because it was "past time for him to grow up and be a man."

All of those latter things made Jamie at best uncomfortable, but they were always balanced by the fun stuff. The good stuff. The problem was he never knew which version of his dad he was going to get on any given day, so he could never prepare for it.

I think the physical violence started off "small" - shaking his shoulder aggressively, keeping an ironclad grip on the back of Jamie's neck, etc. When he hit Jamie the first time he showed up the next day with a grand apology. He always used "getting too drunk" as his excuse and said "it won't happen again" and Jamie always believed him until the next time, because it really didn't happen that often, and anyway the bruises were never anything he couldn't keep hidden from Mummy and the teachers at school.

there were maybe one or two "Bad Times" when James "lost control" (in his own later words) and got Very Violent with Jamie whilst he was still a teenager. These are the times when Jamie learned how to hide substantial injuries and bruises from his team, his coaches, etc. and stared at his Roy Kent hoping by some miracle for the man to come out of it and save him.

I also think this is an instance where a young Jamie might have ~fought back~ and/or purposely said things to provoke his father, only to then have the resulting beat-down framed as a "punishment" by James, which scared him shitless (because canon Jamie does not seem afraid of most anything, but he is definitely terrified of his dad and that came from somewhere) and effectively prevented him fighting back in future. These occasions very much stand out as formative in his memory because the violence was so not constant at that time; the biggest thing to me is that James was incredibly inconsistent and that was part of his manipulation. Jamie started wondering if he was somehow at fault for the abuse, if it was his failure to be good that caused his dad to hurt him.

"say goodnight son..." when he goes to kill Beard with a lead pipe sure says a lot. I think that level of beating on Jamie and physically abusing him really began when Jamie was an adult playing for Man City. Both before he comes to Richmond and after he is sent back to Manchester in s1. He "restrained" himself during the season, to keep Jamie fit enough to play. But the off season has been a historically bad time for Jamie.

this is the timeframe where I think Jamie has a very tense relationship with his mother and isn't really talking to her about anything, let alone James. The distance between them started when he was teenager keeping secrets, worsened when she began things with Simon, and are by this point at an all time low, and he's fallen back on his father, spending more time with him than ever. He's essentially isolated himself from any support system and this is when things are really very Bad.

As for Georgie -

yes, i do imagine she also suffered from James abuse, though I don't think the abuse would have looked exactly the same for her as for Jamie

I think the bulk of it was emotional/verbal abuse. I can very much see James yammering on about he'd "never hit a woman." meanwhile he's spewing constant vitriol about her, calling her a bad mother, calling her slurs, and of course beating on their kid. But (in his warped brain) slapping Jamie around isn't the same as slapping Georgie around, because Jamie should be "able to take it" and "be a man." Just all kinds of ickiness exuding from that man.

"your father is never, ever going to change" is definitely the consensus (to me) of a woman who has been deeply manipulated by James in past and let down herself by his false promises. i would not be surprised if she HAD gotten back together with James once when Jamie was a teenager and he was on a longer sobriety stint from rehab.

I do think Georgie knew on some level that Jamie was being abused but I also really believe she did not realize the full extent. Jamie kept secrets from her (Amsterdam included). Georgie sensed there were secrets, but didn't poke into them, in part because of her own james-related trauma and in part for paralyzing fear of what she'd find if she looked deeper. It was easier to believe Jamie was still telling her only truths. So she comforted him the best ways she knew how, and she did her best to limit the time Jamie spent with James, but Jamie adamantly always wanted to see his dad, and she had to work so often and couldn't always be around to monitor him, and what was she to do, in the end?

Jamie does tell Georgie all of it after they repair their relationship circa/post s2/s3, and the resulting bond is stronger than ever.

#i think it is telling that jamie lets ted's advice in Mom City override his mother's #for the record I think his mother is right. and I think jamie does know she's right. but he still can't bring himself to act on her advice. #because if he does then it's really over and he's always going to have a shit dad and that's never going to change ever #if he follows ted's advice though...well there's still a chance isn't there? #and the part of him that is still 13 watching a City game with his Dad and his Dad let him get any snacks he wanted! any at all! #and they're laughing! and his Dad is telling him that's gonna be him down there one day on the pitch and his voice is all pride. #yeah...that part of Jamie. That part of him still wants to believe in that chance. #which is tragic but also says something about how resilient and inherently hopeful Jamie is. #jamie tartt #james tartt sr. #georgie tartt #asks #tw abuse #tw child abuse #ted lasso

[torgawl]

LET'S FUCKING GO!!!!

#I KNEW WE WOULD SEE YUUJI FIGHTING SUKUNA IM SO EXCITED #higuruma looks so cool this is gonna be such an iconic fight yuuji and his duos are always top tier #I CAN'T WAIT #also yuuji's hand?!!!! #annihilate that motherfucker son you can do it i believe in you #i honestly love the themes that jjk has been focusing on #jjk is about love and curses and how love can be a curse but how it's worth it and yet sukuna is the perfect antagonist for that story #for sukuna love is worth nothing #and it's so so so fun that he's getting fought by the most loving boy ever who is stronger with others than alone #like!!!!! #yuuji and yuuta as jjk protagonists being the perfect representation of stronger together is so cool #and it's cool that one is 'just a boy' and the other is one of the strongest yet the conclusion is the same #watch yuuji save the day not because he is the strongest but because he has people to rely on #and by save the day i hope that means bringing megumi back #it would also be funny if sukuna got immediately nerfed into a skinny boys body again right after he transformed #and i'm here for the laughs i hope he gets humiliated and dragged across the floor #get raid sprayed!!!! #manifesting everything well for best boy yuuji if sukuna hurts him i'm taking matters into my own hands #jjk leaks

[kiruvry]

all men know nowadays is live through the zombie apocalypse eat hot chip kiss other men and lie

#kiruvry ocs #riley sawyer: twd #the walking dead #twd #the walking dead oc #twd oc #PEOPLE STILL POST ABOUT THE SHOW RIGHT. #OHHH MY GOD IM BEGGING PLEASE IT'S RUINING MY LIFE IM ENJOYING IT SO MUCH #daryl dixon #glenn rhee #can't stop thinking abt riley btw i made him and ever since it's just been Non Stop #realised in the shirt pic he's missing his snakebites and the moustache hair but idc #i hope he gets eaten #(affectionate)

[gxlden-angels]

RUBY FRANKE AND JODI HILDEBRANDT SENTENCED TO 4 TO 60 YEARS IN PRISON LETS GOOOOO

#Ruby pled guilty to the charges #She'll likely stay about 30 since that's the current limit legally in Utah for consecutive sentences #But that's only if she's sentenced to the maximum sentence possible #15 years for each case of child abuse #for a total of 4 cases and 60 years #her adult children aren't considered methinks #similar to how a therapist can't tell authorities you're being abused after u turn 18 without your consent #idk how much she'll get seeing as they're in Utah #so there's a lot of ppl that genuinely believe she has a right to do anything to her kids short of killing them #if it means they stick with the religion for as long as they live #some do believe killing ur kids should be allowed tho if it saves their soul or whatever #I disagree with both obviously I think you should be hit with hammers if you treat your kids anywhere near like this #but Jodi better get got those aren't even her fuckin kids got damn #I hope they both get the maximum sentence but especially Jodi cause she absolutely exhasterbated this paranoid mom's shit #Ruby isn't innocent in the slightest she was fucked before Jodi ever showed up #but I fully believe Jodi pushed her closer to this extremen #extreme* #and I hope we start to chip away at the religious exemptions we still have in the US when it comes to child abuse #'spare the rod' spare ur fucking breath if you hit a child I'm gonna hit you with hammers #ex christian #religious trauma #child abuse

[quietwingsinthesky]

Hiiiii! So, a few days ago you were talking about the whole thing with Amy, Rory, and River. And when I saw those posts a thought arose in my head and I wish to share it with you.

Since River grew up with Amy and Rory as Mels. And Mels was Amy's best friend do you think that they ever talked about children? Since I know that it can come up when talking with friends, and like... do you think that Amy might've ever expressed whether or not she wanted children?

And if she didn't, that Mels would've had to listen to her mother say that she doesn't want children? The idea is so heartbreaking and sooo interesting.

What do you think about it?

no, no, see, you're so right and this drives me wild.

because, the way i see it, i don't think amy wanted children. she's somewhere on the 'hasn't thought about it' to 'vaguely negative feelings about it happening' range to me, which falls sharply into 'Not Happening Ever Again' post-s6. (specifically, in terms of having a kid herself, even if she could, i really don't think she would. i do love that she and rory end up adopting a kid later, because that does make sense, for amy pond who grew up alone in one universe with her family swallowed by cracks in time before the doctor helped her set it right again, for her to want to make sure another child won't be alone in the world like she was. getting off-track here.)

and that's so. because the first real memory river/mels has of amy is of amy shooting at her. and depending on how well the silence fucked up the rest of her memory, it might be one of the very first memories she has at all. that's how she met her mother, crying for help and getting a bullet instead. her mother tried to kill her, so of course, you have to think. she must have needed to hear that she was wanted, right? even if she was taken away, even if amy shot her, at some point, melody must have been wanted?

river is good at getting people to do what she wants, but she is very, very bad at subtlety. and mels is younger, has less practice, so when she wants to know this, she's just going to ask. blunt and quick, easy enough because amy's used to the way mels will open her mouth and you just have to be ready to roll with what comes out if you want to keep up. it's why they're such good friends (like mother, like daughter.)

they're nine, and mels asks if amy wants kids, and amy wrinkles up her nose and says she won't have time for children, obviously, once her raggedy doctor finally comes back. they're fifteen, and amy and rory dance will they-won't they in a way that makes mels twitchy to watch, and taunting amy about wanting to have rory's babies is a good way to get on her nerves. but amy calls her gross, tells her she's got more life planned than children would leave room for, and besides, imagine her, a mom? it'd be a disaster.

mels does. a lot. she looks at her mother and just sees her best friend instead. she's not even sure what she wishes was there, but. maybe amy's right. and besides. imagine her, a daughter, instead of the ticking time bomb she really is? it'd be a disaster.

they're sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, and on. mels stands on the outside of a love story that births a universe. and her. how do you compete with that? not that she would know, not yet, she hasn't been there. but it doesn't make her feel any less alienated when amy and rory talk in whispers about a half-remembered world that's bled through to this life, about roman soldiers and boxes and the big bang of belief.

all these memories, they never mention children. on amy's wedding day, she's different, not like someone remembering a dream but someone who lived it. rory stands straighter, won't leave her side, and they're both so much older than they were yesterday. maybe now, right? a wedding's as good a time as any to decide you want kids.

mels not being at amy & rory's wedding is such an obvious lazy way of them trying to explain why they totally didn't just throw this plot twist together at the last minute that i'm not even going to acknowledge it. of course she was at their wedding. she's their best friend. there's too many people around the doctor, and she wasn't ready today of all days, so despite this horrible burning need under her skin to strike, she stays her hand. doesn't let him dance with her because she might just tear his throat out if he gets too close. stays with amy and rory as the maid of honor should. she must have been there for the awkward questions that always gets asked, 'so, any plans for a baby?' 'when am i getting grandkids?' 'oh, you two are going to have gorgeous children together.' standing a few feet from amy in her wedding dress and watching her mother tense and grit her teeth and brush off the questions. watching her look nervously at rory but never ask if he means it when his mom asks him if he'd prefer a son or a daughter, and rory answers 'either one, some day, not anytime soon.'

god i'm just going on and on, aren't i. but really, what's it like to know that amy never changed her mind. the next time she sees them, she's already been born and stolen. i don't like let's kill hitler for. so many reasons. but there is something compelling about how recklessly river lashes out at the world, at the doctor. even her sacrifice at the end is almost suicidal, throwing all her regenerations into this man without knowing if that will even work or if it might kill her to do it. but it makes more sense in the context of someone who has reached the end of a long, long wait for some kind of indication, any kind, that her mother wanted to have her. and finally been told, no. she didn't choose melody.

#like. to be clear also: i don't think the fact that amy didn't want kids and really didn't have a choice in giving birth to river #means that she wouldn't love river. i think it would make their relationship Complicated but i do think amy loves her. so much. #that's her daughter but it's also her best friend. #but like. god. to spend your whole childhood hoping you'll hear about some little glimmer of yourself. #a dream. a passing mention. a debate on baby names. anything. and to hear nothing. #and river is. like. she is really really bad at relationships right? we know this. #the person she's closest to is the doctor and she spends most of her life believing *he doesn't even love her*. #we're talking about someone whose base assumption about everyone is that they will try to hurt her at some point so she should always keep #one hand armed. #and her mother. didn't choose to have her. didn't have that choice. that has to fuck her up a little. #(and also serve as proof that river is. so so bad at knowing when she is loved. because maybe amy didn't choose to have her but she named #melody pond after mels her best friend. she has been choosing river every day for the past however many years since mels decided to come #here and be near her mom and dad even if only as kids. but river still can't see it. #and. given the nature of how the ponds disappear from her life. and we never get any closure about them and river. #you have to wonder if she ever did. river song do you know your mother loves you? #having the melody-as-river reveal be so close to the end of the season and then getting rid of amy & rory before they can actually do #anything with the three of them as a messed up little family unit is the show's biggest crime. because i don't know! i don't know if river #knew her parents loved her! i don't know if she *ever* came to terms with how she was born and how they didn't need to choose her then to #choose her now! i don't know if river ever really felt comfortable thinking of them as her parents rather than her friends? #according to the transcripts. river calls amy 'mother' twice. (and 'mummy' once jokingly.) she calls rory 'father' once. and 'dad' in angel #in manhattan. and it just. it drives insane right? it's almost weirdly formal. like the words aren't right but she knows she should say the #and. and. i don't think i'm ever going to get over river song. #i think that's the takeaway here. #ask #doctor who #river song #amy pond #rory williams

[ricoka]

sometimes I wish you could post an opinion on a fandom blog without inviting a whole witch hunt or being accused of causing drama but alas

#I've not done anything and i won't do anything #it's just something that's annoying?? that you can't say anything without someone doing a bad faith interpretation of it #or projecting it on themselves or getting offended on behalf of a fictional character #the few times i saw someone actually say something slightly controversial all hell broke loose every time #like great that you're passionate but not everything is about you #not everything needs your opinion - especially if you can only give it like a lecture #not everything has malicious intentions #people disagreeing with you have a right to their opinions as well - as long as you respect theirs they should respect yours #the thing is - i don't think I've ever been in a fandom that didn't have to deal with like ship wars or someone doing hate campaigns #of a character or ship - i guess that's just the way it is?? #but here it feels especially tiring because people don't usually disagree on ships #people are literally fighting and hating each other mainly over the same two characters!!! and their different interpretations of them #people disagree over what the right and moral way is to portray and ship those characters #and it creates so much tension because you can't associate with those people because they're doing it wrong #and are acting fucking awful about it #but those people are very exclusionary and if you don't agree with all of their points they don't want to talk to you either #you just float along hoping that you'll find some people who have a similar interpretation and will actually talk to you #it's so weird??? it's so isolating too?? #and it feels like you entered a political landscape in your online fandom space #i will probably delete this and I'm not even sure my thoughts make sense #my thoughts spiralled a bit from thinking how some fan interpretations annoy me into disliking a character hahaha

[bbbrianjones]

um guys........ i think u need to understand i'm going fucking insane over this picture

#LMAO??? WHAT THE FUCK ?? LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FAVCT???????????????????????? #you see the man on the right on your screen is probably the greatest man to have ever lived in my eyes #also known as riccardo patrese #i mean look at him!!! and his suit and tie and waistcoat??? #BABY BOY YOU LOOK AMAZING!! #actually breath taking stuff right there i mean full rights to him for looking that good #and dear god he looks so good #and other guy is walter rohrl whom i don't really care for. nice to see him there though :) #because wherever there is walter there is usually his codriver christian geistdörfer #who just so happens to be the second greatest man to have ever lived in my eyes #christian is this little beam of joy. i love looking at him. he has such a kind face. #like the sort of face you would feel safe asking for directions if you needed to #whcih would be fantastic considering that is like literally hiss job #ANYWAY #the faact that walter and riccardo are together meant that riccardo and christian probably have met and like shook hands or something??? #DO YOU UNDERSTAND THEN WHY I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT THIS PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #lord if there is a picture with those two i will literally go to grave crying tears of joy. maybe that is all a girl ever wants. #god i can't get over how much excitement this picture causes me. there is so much hope in the world!!!!!!!!! #also patrese................................. again. i think we should have kissed at least. utterly unfair.