#caregiving shit

[ashyblondwaves]

After two years of trying (literally two years), to get my mom in home physical therapy, occupational therapy and speech therapy, we've finally gotten in. This is a good, good day.

#personal shit #caregiving shit #nobody was doing anything for some reason #until her neurologist ordered the home care #the other day #they just called me to confirm information #and let me know that i'll be getting scheduling calls within the next 24-48 hours #so they can come out and see her #FINALLY #we've been working so hard on this for so long #now if i can just get some answers for my own medical well being #we'll be in business

[inkskinned]

kids remind me, often, of the things i've taught myself out of.

i have a big dog. he looks like a deer. he is taller than most young children. while we were on a trail the other day, a boy coming our direction saw us and froze. he took a step back and said: "i'm feeling nervous. your - your dog is kind of big."

goblin and i both stopped walking immediately. "he is kind of a big dog," i admitted. "he's called a greyhound. they are gentle but they are pretty tall, which is kind of scary, you're right. their legs are so long because they are made for running fast. i am sorry we scared you. would you like us to stand still while you move past us, or would you feel more safe in your body if we move and you stay still?'

"oh. i didn't know that about - greyhounds. i think i ... i want to stay still," he said. at this point, his adult had caught up to us. "i'm nervous about the dog," he told her, "so i'm - i'm gonna stay still." she didn't argue. she didn't make fun of him. she just smiled at him and at me and held his hand while goblin and i, with as wide of a berth as we could make, crept our way through.

behind us, i heard him exhale a deep breath and kind of laugh - "he was really big, huh? she said it's because greyhounds have to go fast."

"he was big," she said. "i understand why that could have made you a little scared."

"yeah. next time i - next time do you think i could maybe ask to touch him? when - i mean, next time, maybe, if i'm not nervous."

later, going to a work event, in the big city, i stood outside, trembling. my social anxiety as a caught bird in my chest. i took a deep breath and turned to my coworker. she's not even really my friend yet. i told her: "i feel nervous about this. i am not used to meeting new people, ever since covid."

she laughed, but not in a mean way. she said she was nervous too. she reached her hand out and held mine, and we both took another deep breath and walked in like that, interlinked. a few people asked us - together? - and i told the truth: i feel nervous, and she's helping. over and over i watched people relax too, admitting i feel really kind of shy lately actually, thank you for saying that.

the next time i go to an event, and i feel a little scared, i ask right away: wanna hold hands? this feels a little dangerous. i hesitate less. i don't hide it as much. i watch for other people who are also nervous and say - it's kinda hard, huh?

i know, logically, i'm not good at asking for help. but i am also not good at noticing when i need help. i've trained myself out of asking completely, but i've also trained myself to never accept my own fears or excuses. i have trained myself to tamp down every anxiety and just-push-through. i don't know what i'm protecting myself from - just that i never think to admit it to anyone.

but every person on earth occasionally needs comfort. every person on earth occasionally needs connection. many of us were taught independence is the same thing as never needing anything.

each of us should have had an adult who heard - i feel nervous and held our hand and asked us how we could be helped to feel safe. no judgement, and no chiding. many of us did not. many of us were punished for the ways that we seemed "weak".

but here is something: i am an adult now. and i get nervous a lot, actually. and if you are an adult and you are feeling a little nervous - come talk to me. we can hold hands and figure out what will help us feel safe in our bodies. and maybe, next time, if we're brave, we can pet the dog that's passing.

#spilled ink #warm up #so i have worked in childcare as a teacher for like 15 years #hence the language behind ''what helps you be safe in your body?'' #like you can tell by what i say here i have EXPERIENCE with kids. #but tbh the REAL teacher moment is watching a 6/7 year old say #''this makes me nervous #can you please not come closer?'' #as a teacher i was IMMEDIATELY like ... ahh whomever is raising you is doing an EXCELLENT job holy shit #verbalizing your fears? trusting an adult to listen? #ability to recognize a way you might feel safer? #like .... this kid's caregivers.... that one moment... i was like .... who are u i wanna french kiss you big on the mouth

[goatsghost]

something i’m just realizing about the “dick is damian’s parent” fics is that they often point out that after bruce came back, dick left for bludhaven immediately. but i just realized that’s not quite true.

bruce came back, and there were briefly two batmans (batmen?) at the same time. and then bruce left the country to go set up batman inc, for some weird reason, and dick stayed as batman to resolve some final issues. so yeah dick and damian kept being batman and robin for a good bit of time after bruce returned. do with that information what you will

#dick is damian’s parent is my favorite fic trope at the moment lol #i love how he fuckin hates dealing with this kid but also loves him like he’s his own son #and damian starts idolizing dick; his mentor his hero his caregiver; while also being a little shit (but less genuinely aggressive abt it) #every batfamily relationship is so complicated and great #dick grayson #damian wayne #bruce wayne #mine #my favorite dick scene with him is in nightwing when damian calls #and dick is like fuckkkkk i don’t wanna pick up bc then i’ll have to TALK to him 😩😩😩 #and my favorite damian interaction is when dick is showing him a birds nest while they’re on the tallest building in gotham #and damian goes ‘wowwww this is SO interesting i can’t wait to tweet about it’ #they’re both so insufferable lmao i love them

[dennisboobs]

to be completely honest, I don't want macdennis in this finale at all. i want den's plot to stay his own. i want the gang to understand just how much they rely on dennis, and how the pressure is finally wearing him down. dennis' inability to escape these high expectations from all of them. of the responsibility that he hates so much. this has been a part of his plotlines for years, and now he can't even take a day trip to the beach without the gang calling him for dumb shit. he's expected to be there to help the gang whenever they need him, but will they be there to help him?

#i know everyone was going insane about frank vs russia for the macden shit but like. have y'all seen the seeds planted in that ep. #mac needs dennis to help with his relationship troubles #charlie needs dennis to help find the restaurant buzzer #dee needs dennis to get her phone back #and he just wants to be left alone #thats why he created johnny. he just wants to relax and have time to himself #and you look back at chokes. #he can't rely on anyone. he wants them to *actually* be there for him when he's sick or in danger #and then you look back at dee gives birth... #like its. a constant #the gang doesnt see him as needing their help. he's dennis. #he's got no feelings. he's fine on his own. he pushes them away because he's afraid of showing weakness but he wants them to care #ada speaks #i dont think its a coincidence that i can already tie things to misses the boat #responsibility. responsibility. responsibility. #thrust into the position of caregiver. #sunny sweet 16 #iasip

[everyone-is-emptyy]

#everyone is empty #thinking about moving back in w my mom & great grammy even tho i don’t fucking want to #but my mom is the worst caregiver in existence & my grandma doesn’t really want her help cuz she’s always drunk #i’m just ready to explode & run the house my fucking way & tell me mother to stop acting like my grandmas savior #idc about her drinking but she can’t live rent fucking free & be fucking USELESS #i hate my mother #girlblogging #mentally fucked #bpd vent #depressing shit #anxi4ty #mentally tired #actually bipolar #bipolar disorder #ptsd #bipolar depression #tumblr girls #girlboss #bpd mood #this is what makes us girls #su1c1d3 #su1c1d4l #stressed and tired #dark memes #depressing memes #bpd things

[good-to-drive]

I totally agree with the general consensus that Ringo provided a lot of emotional support and coolheadedness to the other beatles to the point where they'd have probably killed each other without him but I do also wonder sometimes how much of that is being supernaturally patient and easygoing and how much of it is Ringo just having a tumultuous and isolated childhood where he was never taught to recognize and assert his own emotional needs so he became a blank slate on which others could process their emotions

(And tbh I also wonder how an inability to access or assert his feelings may have contributed to his tendency to process pain by numbing himself and the pretty shitty way he treated women)

#see also: george falling in love with his wife and paul routinely telling him he was easily replaceable #and yet ringo has nothing but warmth for either of these men #and of course I'm not saying we shouldn't appreciate how much patience and kindness that takes! #but also i guess it takes a certain lack of assertiveness or the ability to see/value your own emotions #and that's also something interesting to think about #speaking from experience here a lot of alcoholics want to be numb more than they want to be alive #and if ringo couldnt access his emotions it makes sense his only recourse would be to erase them #but for me it comes from childhood psychosis and i think for him it comes from isolation at a young age and a lack of emotional support #you need your caregivers to teach you what 'sad' is so you can then teach yourself what to do about it #or you may start to cope with that constant feeling of unease and dissatisfaction (that you can never quite grasp) in destructive ways #also his mom started getting him falling down drunk when he was not even twelve years old so tbh the alcoholism was probably inevitable #anyways all this is just to say that the fact that he could absorb pretty much infinite distress CAN definitely be construed as a virtue #but tbh it might also be symptomatic of some painful shit that he needed/deserved help with #ringo starr

[martyrbat]

[ID: the uncoloured drawing for page 4 of the comic Batman: Legends of the Dark Knight #192 next to the publicized page. In them, Alfred is in a room in the Wayne Manor and is drawing back the curtains to let in the sunlight. The narration reads, ‘In the morning, it's like nothing happened,’ despite Bruce almost bleeding out from a rough patrol last night. Bruce from off panel comments, “Ah, much better with the extra light. Thank you, Alfred.” Alfred looks over and dryly replies, “You know, anyone else would be doing pretty well just to be awake”

Bruce is shown to be in an electric hospital bed and has his head wrapped in bloodstained bandages, where little tufts of black hair stick out from it. He has a neck brace on and his arm is wrapped. There's a large bandage placed on his lower face, where his stubble is also overgrown due to neglecting his personal grooming in favour of focusing on Batman related duties. The revealed room is shown to be cluttered with several large, medical machines and carts full of medical supplies — which includes sponges, oxygen tanks and masks, pain relievers, syringes, bandages, and (inexplicably) a baster. Bruce sits up in bed and is chewing at the end of a pen as he looks down at a notepad and several papers that's on an overbed table.

Alfred brings him breakfast on a tray as he remarks, “I step out for twenty minutes and you're not only awake, you're already scribbling notes. Might I impose on you to set those aside long enough for some food, if not some actual rest?” Bruce instead asks where's the coffee, to which Alfred responds, “Actually, Sir, I think the last thing your overtaxed system needs right now is more stimulant.” Bruce challenges him, “‘Overtaxed’? Is that your professional opinion?” Alfred wryly replies, “As the one who found you riddled with holes last night, I can only speculate as to their cause. However... having discounted the possibility of suicidal intention, or gross incompetence, on your part...” Bruce immediately accuses, “You think I'm trying to do more than I can actually manage.” His butler calmly justifies, “Unless you've developed some new ability that you are hiding from me, I suspect you cannot be everywhere at once.”

In the original line art, there's two plushies (a round bunny and a bat) drawn amongst all the medical supplies. Sadly, it wasn't included in the publicized version. The third photo is a description of the drawing from the artist's (Seth Fisher) website. It reads: This is one of the delightful pages in which Seth put some amusements for himself which were censored and excised by the editors, in order to retain Batman's image as a serious superhero. In this page both the bunny and the bat in the lower right frame failed to make the final cut.]

#screaming crying.... they took away his plushies :( #yea yeah bruce is being a little shit and his self neglectance is usually reduced down to a quirk of him being challenging to deal with #and a great display of his dedication to his cause instead of the actual concerning self harm that it is or the display of its okay to need #a caregiver despite your age bc of mental illnesses/disorders/disabilities that make ‘basic’ care things more challenging #how thats such important and great representation for other disabled readers to have bc we usually get shamed over it and it can be a great #comfort to see one of the most iconic and famous heros ever struggle the same way we do/require the same care #but also just guys. they took away his round bunny. his bat.... im going to shoot myself. #c: batman: legends of the dark knight | i: 192 #crypt's panels #bruce wayne #alfred pennyworth #posts from the crypt #disabled bruce #alfred & bruce

[mitskijamie]

I'd love to hear more of your thoughts about Roy's family, if you have any.

Honestly, I imagine Roy's parents were okay. Not good but not awful. Sort of bare minimum. I think their household was stable (no abuse or explosive fighting or anything like that) and his parents provided for their children materially, but they were emotionally distant and withheld affection from their children and from each other. They probably should've gotten divorced some time ago, because they clearly don't actually love each other, but it's not like they're getting in screaming matches or anything, so you feel bad saying it. They were never the sort of parents who would cuddle you when you were upset and ask you what was bothering you (which is why Jamie and Georgie freaked Roy out so much), you'd just bottle it up and pretend you were fine until you started to trick yourself into feeling better. Yk

I know most people take his granddad being so heavily involved in his upbringing as a sign that his parents were all over the place and didn't take care of him, but I won't lie, I don't love that assumption. Intergenerational households and grandparents doing childcare are very very common worldwide, especially among families who don't have a ton of money, and we know the Kents were working class, so I always figured Roy's granddad was his daytime caregiver when he was little because his parents had to work and granddad was retired + would take care of him for free. I think his granddad was a lot more emotionally open and affectionate with him than his parents, though, and that's part of why Roy remembers him so so so fondly :(

As an adult, I think Roy has a somewhat functional relationship with his parents, but they're not close and don't see eye to eye on like. Anything. They're conservative and passive-aggressive (because the golden rule of the Kent household is to never address anything! you always bottle it up!) and Roy and Rachel (which is his sister's name. do NOT @ me) can't be in a room with them for more than like 2 hours without going insane.

They're constantly making backhanded comments about Rachel being a single mom, and then they piss and moan about how they never get to see Phoebe, like they have no clue why that would be. They don't approve of Keeley because she's a titty model, but then Roy starts bringing Jamie around and all they can talk about is how much they loved Keeley. They're "heartbroken" that Phoebe doesn't have any cousins and want to know when Roy is going to get married, but not to Jamie, because they think he's just looking for a "sugar daddy." Exhausting

Roy talks to them on the phone once every couple of months and sees them only on holidays. Holiday dinners are always followed by a 4 hour debrief with Rachel and like 3 bottles of wine

#ask #we lived with my grandma for a while and she took care of me all the time when my parents were busy because my parents couldn't afford #daycare #a lot of my early memories are with my grandma instead of my parents because they were so busy #so I imagine his family was the same #if you hc that his parents were total shit that's fine #but I'm always a little offended when people say that we can assume his parents were abusive purely because granddad was a caregiver lol #roy kent

[sweaterkittensahoy]

Hey, btw, if you're 40 and your parents are still in your life, you should spend some time figuring out how much personal caregiving you want to do for them.

My grandma took care of my great-grandparents, a great aunt, and two ailing husbands. She wants to go into a nursing home if she is ever unable to live on her own.

My mom wants to care for her even though grandma specifically does not want her to do that because grandma's lived it and doesn't want to put that work on anyone.

Nothing but respect for grandma. She chose to take on a full-time caretaking role several times. That's a fucking lot. I don't want to do that.

My mom, on the other hand, really wants one of the kids to take care of her. And, by extension, Dad. But. No. God no. Not for anything. Dad starts doctor visits by announcing he doesn't like being told what to do, and Mom literally ignored increasing hip pain for several decades while her hip joint went through bone death.

Mom also thinks my aunt asking for help in caregiving my grandmother when her eye sight started getting bad was my aunt being selfish. Which tells me a lot about how much of my time she expects to have (all of it).

No fucking way am I taking responsibility for these people in their golden years. I will vet caregivers and discuss housing options and provide support if there's serious medical shit.

For fuck's sake, Dad's got COPD and still smokes.

Anyway, like I said, if you're 40-ish, it's something you gotta consider. So, just consider it. It's one of those adulthood things that I think people forget until something big happens, and then you're making decisions while stressed and likely fearful, and that's not good for long-term plans.

#adulthood #caregiving #grown up shit

[ashyblondwaves]

Just finished up with mom’s first PT appointment. It went well and we are just waiting to schedule OT and Speech for the rest of the week.

I did it! And it only took me two years.

#personal shit #caregiving shit #always advocate! #I would not let it go #and finally it worked out #I feel so good about this

[isa-ah]

been following you since PRE bubblegum karkat days and it’s been really nice watching you grow and heal and whenever i see you on my dash and think of your growth it reminds me of my own healing journey. i find that really nice

HAHA that was AGES ago dude. my god. i cant believe youre still around, that was like, the worst of it LOLOL weve both probably come a looong way since then, yeah. life used to be abysmal but now ive got my hubby and mother in law and were moving to nola next month so theres nothing to fear =')

#we found the perfect house in the perfect neighborhood in the perfect part of the city so #we are hoping and praying. our sickass real estate agent did a walkthru yesterday and said #'its been on the market for a while so if you put in for it youll probably get it' #very exciting news theres even a patio we can screen in EASILY for our cats #right outside our bedroom door! it would be perfect for entertaining! #were finally going to make irl friends!!!!! sdkjksdjfksd #i had a couple freak friends in phoenix and like 2 cool friends but like. mostly. freaks. #so im hoping to make real actual friends this go round cause we sure as hell didnt out here in the sticks of al #yippeeeeeeee #babe is also going to get a job so i can take a break bc ive been doing coms to support us for years now and its STRESSFUL #im gunna get to go on a small vacation and kick back like #life is so good #im so excited to rest and chill #im gunna sew!! so much stuff!!!! #maybe ill even list some on here for people to buy like i just want to make so many little dudes all the time #but i dont have the time or energy to devote to that bc making patterns takes time and materials #IDK IDK TOTALLY OFF TOPIC #i dont talk about my daily life much actually its usually just specific shit so im taking the opportunity to say. #i grew up in a VERY bleak way. brother were talking moldy food bank food house rotting both my guardians so so sick #dropped out of middle school to be a fulltime caregiver lost both of them anyway #then a bunch of falling out with my family etc etc i had NOTHING going into my twenties but a FUCKTON of trauma and mistrust #and now im heading for my thirties and i am the healthiest and happiest i have ever been in my entire life #i look great i feel great i do pretty good for myself and the people around me #i love love love my friends im t4t gay married i have a cat thats like a pokemon partner. to me. its perfect #yes weve made a lot of plans that have fallen thru and were not where we thought we would be by now #but honestly? honestly? my life is really great. were broke as fuck but we get by and we love each other and thats whats UUUUUUUP #youll get there! just keep going! you have no idea what kinds of opportunities youll be offered in your life that can change everything

[just-sp-in-inginthevoid]

Hakkai could've ended up like Taiju (to an extent ig) but he didn't.

He didn't because Mitsuya saw him beat up that kid and stopped him. And became his friend, someone he can relie on, someone who welcomes him in his home

Taiju didn't have a Mitsuya. Or any meaningful relationship really. He did what his father did – because that's what children do, copy what they see – and beat up those kids. And his siblings.

And no one was there to stop him

No one was there to show him another way

#you know what a child's brain think when their caregiver is a piece of shit ? #it doesnt think they are. a caregiver cant be in the wrong. someone whos supposed to show you how the world works cant be in the wrong #fortunately the christmas showdown did break this mentality of his #tokyo revengers #tok rev #tr taiju #shiba taiju #taiju shiba #shiba hakkai #tr hakkai #tokyo revengers hakkai #tokyo revengers taiju #shiba family #i wont ever apologize what he did to Yuzuha and Hakkai #BUT GODDAMMIT if he isnt hella traumatized as well #edit: ive got posts explaning 'he did what his father did'; and while its never confirmed i think theres a good chance its true still #and even if it isnt ive decided for it to be a (plausible) headcanon

[earthbaby-angelboy]

i am FLOWING with scenarios and whatnot tonight so here’s another one!

if you grind your teeth when anxious, i think el would try to make you aware of it, hoping that you’d understand he didn’t want you to do it (in fear of you hurting your teeth or creating permanent damage!) if you didn’t become aware, he’d leave the room for a minute and come back with a paci for you!

he’d just wordlessly hand it to you with a small smile as to not make you self conscious. he does this every time you grind your teeth. he always has a pacifier on hand for whenever you need it, and it kinda becomes a comfort item.

(ok this next bit may or may not be self-indulgent because i’ve been grinding my teeth so bad in my sleep that i’ve actually started chipping teeth and now have to do this so bare with me)

if you grind your teeth in your sleep, even when you aren’t little, he’ll get a paci & a clip, attach one to your shirt and encourage you to use it. at first you’re iffy about it cause you don’t want to become dependent on it, but after a few nights of using it, you realize how much they help! :D

#creative writing #cg elvis #elvis presley #caregiver elvis #70s elvis #i think cg!el doesn’t care if you use it outside of littlespace #if it helps who the hell is he to tell you no?! #this was so self indulgent #cause i have ground my teeth since i was a child #but i can’t use a biteblock cause i have braces nd shit #so a paci actually helps a lot :)) #i recommend it to any of y’all who are struggling with it too! #also FUCK ORTHODONTIC BRACES. #god 70s e is such a cg #i need a hug from him :( #ok calla shut up

[littlehippiebitch]

This is my cousin, David, he has special needs. He is mentally maybe 5 or 6. The first picture is the first time we met in person that I remember, 21+ years ago lol. David shared his ball with me and we were playing with toys on the floor at his house, in Florida. The second one I took in February, at our house. He’s been living nearby with my grandma since 2019, and has lived at home with me since January of this year.

David is on hospice and I am his full time caregiver, have been since December. It’s the hardest job I’ve ever had, but also the best. I don’t get paid for the work I do, as the US government is so fucking slow. I’ll never see any money from this job. But what I’ve been given is invaluable. I may even pursue nursing or something else in that field. He has helped me find a passion for something I never considered.

I’m beyond sad David will be passing away soon. It’s really odd waiting around for death. Grieving for someone as you care for them is so difficult. I want to soak up the moments but I also have to try and make time for me. Yet I feel guilty for doing things for myself. It’s weird.

I feel bad for wanting it to be soon. As I don’t want him to die, but I hate seeing him like this. He has no enjoyment in anything. I miss how he used to be. That is how I’ll choose to remember him. I’ll miss him forever, but I’ve been blessed with all this extra time with him. I love David so very much.

I just needed somewhere to let these feelings out. Thank you for reading 🤍✨

#me #hospice #professional caregiver #hospice care #tw death #personal shit

[figofswords]

just finished octopath and started octopath 2 (which I’m already very spoiled for bc i watched my roommate play most of it and got the play by play for the rest) and I gotta say even though I was told this in advance I was not prepared for how fuckin BUSTED castti is

#she is a TANK. she’s fucking BROKEN #I love how Anything happens and castti is like no don’t worry I’ll Handle It #team mom but not necessarily in the caregiver way more in the arm across chest in car reflex lift a car from adrenaline getting shit Done #kinda way #very much ‘I’m a healer but—‘ #love that for her #I was either gonna start with her or throne bc throne is my blorbo in law #but I just love apothecary as a class and I almost always had Alfyn in my party in the first game so I’m used to relying on concoct #anyway. maybe after I graduate in like. what 3/4 weeks. I’ll have time to do some octo art #I’ve been so in my feels about primrose she is ougheoigh #I want to DO A COMIC!!! #octopath #(99% of my followers: what are you talking about Jess what is octopath what huh what)

[abby420]

the way some ted lasso fans talk about henry leaves me baffled

#i saw someone say ‘what does ted even have in kansas? just a kid. that’s it’ #JUST A KID?????? #his kid????? #JUST A KID THATS IT???? #i’m trying to write it off like okay maybe these people have never known what it is like to be a primary caregiver to a child but #holy fucking shit #that’s HIS KID! #not to mention y’all don’t know what else he has in kanas #*kansas #i mean he grew up there he definitely has roots there #ted lasso