#cause my short-term memory has always been bad
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Does anyone know if it's possible (and normal) for memory issues due to ADHD to get worse as time passes?
#cause my short-term memory has always been bad#but now it's getting a lot worse#like#it's really really bad#and I'm scared there's something wrong in my brain#I mean i know there is but#something really serious now is what i meant#logically I know it might be stress#my stress levels went up a lot in the past 2 months#but I can't help but worry when I haven't even gotten a simple blood test done in so many years#there might be something really wrong and I just don't know about it and therefore can't treat it#I'm terrified and that's stressing me out even more#ADHD#memory issues
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FINAL: TOGETHER!
YUUTA X READER
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"at my dorm."
You mumbled as you shut off your phone.
You rose from your bed and walked over to your mirror, making sure you atleast presentable to visit Yuuta.
Of course he wouldn't judge you, you could look like a clown yet he wouldn't care.
After that, you put on some shoes and made your way towards his dorm.
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Even though he said it wasn't something bad, you still felt scared.
What if he changed his mind on everything?
But all negative thoughts left your mind as you arrived at his room.
Slowly, your hand reached up to the door and softly knocked on it.
You heard movements inside until it finally stopped and the door opened.
You were greeted with a smile as he let you in.
As you entered, you noticed how clean his room looked like, cleaner than yours.
"You can sit anywhere you like to, as long as you're comfortable I don't mind."
Of course he will say those words to you, that's one thing you love about him.
You decided to sit on his bed, taking the chance to get comfortable, you removed your shoes and crossed your legs on the bed.
Soon he joined you as well, closely sitting besides you as you both just stared at the door infront of you.
"..so what's the reason for my invitation here..?" You asked.
"Is it wrong to ask you out?" He joked.
But you didn't realize he was joking, quick to apologize but he stopped you.
"I'm kidding, there is an actual reason."
You turned your head towards his direction, him doing the same.
"Remember what I told you yesterday in the storage room..?" He asked.
The memory made you blush a bit yet you nodded.
"I wanna tell you more about it."
"More?" You replied.
"Yeah, I told no one about how I felt through out the school term."
He turned his whole body to face you, causing you to follow his movements.
"I think it was during the second week into the term when Inumaki and Maki told me that someone was going to join us with our short walk to the mall and then I found out that person was you, I think was the first time I actually really blush at a girl in my whole teenage life." He started.
"HUH?" You perked up at his words.
He stopped, letting you to talk.
"So long ago? I think my feelings for you developed like 2 weeks before Yuji made that gaming club. But you can't blame me, I barely hung out with you all anyways.." You told him.
"I know, that's why I was a bit shocked when I was told that you like me."
He started back the story he was telling you.
"Anyways, I kept it a secret, like you but really that was because I had Rika with me."
The mentioned of her name made you cringe internally.
"Do you miss her?" You asked him.
Quickly, he shook his head no.
"If it was younger me, I would've said yes but throughout the years she's been a bit manipulative, I'm kinda glad she's gone now.."
"For me, she had a false persona, ever since in the club room I had no clue she really acted like that. Maybe she didn't hurt me physically but she made me cry alot though." You confessed to the boy.
"She did..?" He mumbled.
And you nodded, which caused him to sigh.
"I'm sorry."
"It wasn't your fault." You comfort him.
"Oh, when I was told you had liked Yuji I think I just wanted to crawl in a hole and cry." He confessed as well.
"YOU DID?" You gripped his shoulders, on your knees this time.
Your reaction made him blush a bit yet he softly rested his hands on your hips, guiding you to sit back down on the bed, hand still on your hips.
"Yes but it's okay, we're together now right?" He asked.
You gave him a small "mhm", trying to ignore the fact that he has his HANDS is on your HIPS.
He let your hands stay on his shoulder as his own snaked around your waist, guiding you to come closer towards him.
Out of instinct, your hands snaked around his neck.
You both was now closer, but not close enough. Not yet.
"I think I got my point thought right?" He asked softly.
"That you had always liked me from the starting..?" You replied, in the same soft manner as he did.
He nodded and finally, he pulled you in closer.
Honestly you thought he wanted a hug but that thought suddenly left you when you felt his lips on yours.
Your heart began to race as you returned the kiss, closing your eyes and letting him take control.
It wasn't a heated kiss, it was a soft one that held a lot of love in it.
But one thing for sure was that his lips felt amazing on yours, you wondered if you might get drunk off of it..
Sadly though, he pulled away causing you to look at him.
"I'm sorry, you wanted more..?" He teased you a bit.
You looked away as the blush took over your face causing him to laugh a bit.
Suddenly you felt his arms that was wrapped around you, get a bit tighter as he rested his chin on your shoulder.
"So, I think this is where I ask you if we can be official." He mumbled.
"What do you think Yuuta?" You asked, out of habit actually.
"I think yeah.."
.
.
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MASTERLIST | <-PREVIOUS
TAGLIST: @milza12 @jayathelostdragon @instantmusico @aggtslva @norvacaine @polarbvnny @baku-boneless @forgot-the-acronym @zhochikennugget @oreologyx @iluhhjake @diogodxlot @iluv-ace @sasallie @pompompuriina @g0rep1ty @seventhcinema @deezy12299 @br66klynbaby @macimcnaron @mo0nforme @smashingdollz @mewju @bakarinnie @yoyo-yui @peptox @mint129106 @virisdescent @saesofficialwife @kaeuri @mentallyunstablemanlover @youhyakuya
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note: it's finished... what do I write abt now.
also writing abt kissing makes me giggle and blush HELOME
#imraeswork#imraespace -♡#jjk#jjk yuuta#angst#crack#fluff#jujutsu kaisen#yuuta x reader#jjk texts#yuuta jjk#jujutsu kaisen yuuta#okkotsu yuuta#jujutsu kaisen yuta okkotsu#yuta x you#yuta texts#yuta okkotsu#yuta x reader#jujutsu kaisen yuuta okkotsu
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fon's 2023 in fic
so in order to distract myself from yet another fic flopping miserably i'm gonna do the compilation of all the flops from the entire year! :'D
a big big thank you to those of you who said nice words about my stuff, who left comments on the fics, and who helped me finish surprisingly many works this year. i am truly grateful for every single lovely comment i got! 💖 that is what kept me going, what made things feel worthwhile, and what helped me through many a dark moment.
i do still have works in progress but at the same time this sort of feels like a goodbye. idk. we'll see. but I can't keep pouring from an empty chalice and the fandom clearly does not want to help me fill it so we're at an impasse :'D it feels increasingly much that exiting stage left is the right move, as much as i don't want to and as much as it hurts to let go. but I digress.
on a more positive note, I can, hand to heart, say that I am extremely pleased with pretty much everything i wrote this year :D it's got to count for something, right!
ANYHOO I posted 217k words this year, and it includes:
21 Piers/Leon
5 Krauser/Leon
3 main Piers/Leon and heavily featured past Krauser/Leon
2 OT3
1 Chris/Leon
1 Tyrants/Leon
1 Jake/Piers
1 Marcus/Dom (Gears of War)
fic links and short summaries under the cut.
Piers/Leon
good to be prepared | E | 9k | Leon gets stuck in a snow storm when his car breaks down, and a handsome stranger saves him from the roadside. It ends up in a fun night together but that's only the very beginning for them.
'cause you know the love we have is always gonna be | T | 6.7k | Finally they get to say "I do" to each other.
bad exes and a better future | T | 2.9k | Leon's very jealous ex does not know when to quit, and refuses to believe Leon wants nothing to do with him. So, logically, Leon kisses Piers to prove a point. Thankfully Piers is all in.
i crave therefore i am | E | 7k | Piers has been half in love with Leon for what feels like forever, but there's nothing he can do about it when Leon is in a long term relationship. ...Except he's not.
as long as you'll have me | T | 5.2k | Leon gets infected on a mission, then has to suffer through treatment for an infection. Thankfully Piers is there to help, in more ways than one.
you're a dream | E | 23k | Piers Nivans is eleven years old when he starts dreaming of death and monsters. It takes him well over a decade to find his soulmate, and even then, it's not all easy.
that heaven in your eyes | E | 2.7k | They finally get the honeymoon they deserve.
light in the darkest place | M | 3.6k (WIP) | Leon and Piers grew up together, and when at twenty-one they both got a job at the RPD they thought it was a giant stroke of luck. They had no idea their first day was going to be one hell of a long day.
a shadow of devotion | M | 6.9k | There's a new superhero in town, and Piers ends up being more closely acquainted with him than he ever expected. He's not complaining, tho.
before i even knew your name | M | 6.6k | Leon gets an accidental text sent into the wrong number and it ends up changing his life for the better. Soon he's flirting via texts with this stranger, and before he even notices he's grown feelings.
a dinner to remember | E | 4.4k | Leon wears a nice dress to welcome Piers home.
too much is all that I can feel | T | 4.2k | Leon gets hurt, again, and while he’s concussed and loopy from bloodloss he tries his best to flirt with Piers.
memories beneath the dust of years | T | 1.2k | Piers relives the worst time of his life in a dream, and Leon is there to support him through it.
in the end it's you and I | T | 3.5k | The sound of metal crushing was the worst. It screeched in Leon’s ears even when the car had stopped completely, finally meeting a big enough tree trunk down the hill. He's alone, injured, and unable to leave his car. Might this be the end?
time to finally breathe again | T | 3.4k | Leon tries to bury his feelings but then gets buried underground. Thankfully Piers is there to help. On both counts.
those nights | M | 5k | Leon and his difficult relationship with sleep throughout the years.
life is a chance to try | T | 5.2k | Piers and Leon have been parents for mere months, and it’s become obvious their daughter isn’t entirely an ordinary human.
everything I've kept inside me | T | 5.5k | The one with severe injuries, some reminiscing, and finally sort of a retirement. Oh, and a blowjob pillow.
at the shore of the unknown | M | 26k | The world ends, but Piers and Leon find each other.
a merry little christmas (make the yuletide gay) | T | 5.7k | Piers and Leon and their first holidays as a married couple in their own home, of course with a visit from those closest to them.
right from the start | E | 19k | Leon gets some unexpected backup on his rogue mission in the Eastern Slav Republic. And it doesn't end there. (Much to his delight.)
Krauser/Leon
question all my doubts | E | 10k | Leon gets back home from Spain only to find none other than Jack fucking Krauser bleeding onto his living room floor. And no matter how many times Leon tries to walk away from Krauser he always ends up back to him.
(it might've been love but) it's over now | T | 1.4k | Krauser is dead and had no next of kin, so Leon goes through his scarce apartment to sort through the meager belongings left behind, while also sorting through his own mess of emotions.
(no one ever died from) wanting too much | M | 1.4k | Krauser gets injured but he can only focus on the dirty thoughts he has about Leon, while Leon tends to those injuries.
my tragedy and my desire | M | 2k | Leon struggles through the mission to rescue the president's daughter, constantly feeling like he’s being stalked. He has no idea how right he is about that. And how bad things will end for him.
my religion my certain death my salvation my sacrilege | E | 2k | Krauser keeps Leon as his sex-slave. (sequel to my tragedy and my desire)
Piers/Leon with heavily featured Krauser or Krauser/Leon
all the tears and the fears and the lies and the cries of the past | E | 16k | Krauser kidnaps Leon on Wesker’s orders to use as bait. Piers heads out to save him, together with Chris and Jill. Things get really messy.
tear me open (and make me whole again) | M | 7.6k | Piers disappears, and soon after Leon starts receiving videos from an unknown email address. It's bad enough that Krauser is back, but watching him torture Piers to get back at Leon might just be the worst thing Leon has ever been through in his life.
haunt you like it's part of you | E | 3.7k | Krauser brands Leon as his own, ruining him for all others. For a while it seems he's won, but eventually Leon gets the happy ending he deserves.
OT3 (Chris/Leon/Piers)
never without you | T | 1.6k | Leon is tired, so tired, but Piers and Chris will not let him give up.
wish you were here | T | 2k | (pre-OT3) Chris is pathetically pining after Leon, doesn't even let himself examine his feelings for Piers, and then on top of it all he gets kidnapped.
Chris/Leon
whatever comes our way | T | 1.1k | Leon almost drowns and Chris panics.
Tyrants/Leon
buried so deep within | E | 3.6k | Leon finds out there's two tyrants. The tyrants find out that Leon can be used for all sorts of fun things.
Jake/Piers
pull me closer to life | T | 3.8k | Jake and Sherry save Piers when he thinks he’s left behind to die at the underwater facility. Then somehow, Jake never leaves.
Marcus/Dom (largely featured past Maria/Dom)
no battle like that of life | E | 3.7k | After losing damn near everything, Dom learns to live again. Marcus helps.
#nivannedy#metaltango#i'm just gonna tag the two that appear the most lol#2023#my fics#i hope i didn't screw up the links this took ages :'D#my year in review i guess lol
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HELLO!!! It's me, PARTY HAT!!!
(she/he)
party hat is in a metaphorical cage.... sooo its partycage! - SSIRIN
( itss me, @ss-irin01 !! im the person running this!! ^_^ )
HII!!! HAIII HIII HAIIIII HAIIII HIII :33 My creaotrs post will start with two slashes!! i might lose my purple from time to time, but that doesn really matter !! its still me!!
youre always free to ask me in-character!! whatever and whatever is allowed!! im very open to doing so many things when im not working!!
might have art.. who knows!!! it'll be done by me :3
🎂 WARNINGS!!
might hav blood :[ my posts r very random and i like putting party in different situations .. i'll give a content warning trsut!!
swearing??
Mentions of cultism
🍰 RULES!!!
M STILL LEARNING TUMBLR PLS DOJNT BULLY ME SOBS CRIES TELL ME IF ANYTHINGS WRONG !!
dont be weird!! uh i mean you can but dont be too weird!! like no nfsw!!
dont spam too much!!! my brain can only hold so much!! you can flood it though
dont harras :p
have fun!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :333
🍦 TAGS!!!!
#scheduleannouncement - important posts!!
#partycage - general tag!!
#partyillust - art!!
#partyhosting - asks!!
#rehost - reblogs!!
#freetime - posts!!
+ other tags like #phighting and #phighting oc
🍮 OTHER!!!!
asks sent by me!! will end with "--party hat!!", unless i forget!!
note that if it doesnt have exclamation marks i am not grooving :(((
APPEARANCE + REF
EXTRA EXTRA INFO under cut !!!!!!!!
Party Hat, spawned with the given name, "[REDACTED]", is known to singlehandedly manage a partyplanning/bakery kinda gig, delivering all kinds of cakes and desserts all across the Inpherno. She's very excitable, and is kind of dense when it comes to friendship, seeing as he'd still consider you as a friend, or at least, friendly acquantinces even if you're mean to him, but is always willing to chat and help out-- usually seeing the good and brushing the bad aside to not cause conflict.
She is prone to disappear when her schedule allows for a break, but she always comes back right before when it's time to take orders again.
His outfit was tailored and specially made for her by a friend he once knew. Apparently, nobody knows where that friend went.
Party Hat is roommates with Timebomb, infamous for blowing up a part of Playground when he was taken into the faction. She doesn't know this, and takes his words that he only blew up a building. She found him around the streets and started talking to him, and only after she kept spotting him around Crossroads that she literally picked him up and carried him to her house. Party Hat sometimes suffers the consequences of having an impulsive bomber blowing up the walls and their neighbors' property, but she generally doesn't seem to mind all that much.
Party Hat, despite being usually seen, and is labeled as factionless, is affiiliated with Lost Temple, and most importantly, the Church of the TRUE EYE, as one of the lower ranks working under Scythe. He seems to share some kind of bond with her. It is not known wether this is only because they are boss and employee, but Party Hat sees them as good friends, and considers her as an older sister despite calling her "Miss Scythe".
Because of the commissions given out to her, he had an abnormally fast mastery in spywork for gathering information for the family's benefits. She cherishes the family quite dearly, as well.
He has bad eyesight, and cannot see out of her left eye.
Party Hat's negative feelings are heavily repressed along with a lingering deep sense of loneliness caging him from his emotions actually reaching to her heart, despite still being able to feel them. Though he still has basic fragmented memories of her life, she doesn't remember much outside of what has been happening recently. He has short-term memory, and needs to be reminded occasionally to do something she has yet to do.
TL;DR : she needs therapy
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Recovery things I think Billy Hargrove would have gone through if he’d been rescued from Neil
Trigger warnings: Based on my experience with a parent like Neil Hargrove and being responsible for a younger sibling. Some people might find triggering/ upsetting and some of the terms may be wrong as my therapist and I have a short hand.
Billy being allowed to find out what his favourite colour is and what his favourite food is (Parents like Neil will pick what you like/ allowed to like based on what they idealise you to be like so these two would be big deals. It’s actually really hard to do.)
Billy getting to have decent furniture and be allowed to keep it without any conditions or expectations of him owing anyone anything. (He’s the scapegoat child so he will purposefully have not been given nice furniture of would have had to but his own while Max would have been given everything new specifically to cause a rift between the two. Billy and Max make up half the Hargrove household if Neil keeps them apart he has more control)
Billy finding his fav cologne (Neil would have most likely given Billy his old cologne and Billy just kept buying that because it is a ‘safe’ item)
Billy going through an imprinting phase when he trusts people (I think he’d start with Max and El and then develop trust from there)
Billy learning to self-soothe because of the support he has/ develops.
Becoming more engaged as he trusts the group and growing into his version of himself.
Less of him dissociating / no more scenes of him smoking, drinking listening to music watching TV and working out all at once because he’ll begin to be able to be alone with his own thoughts without negative thoughts or panic attacks.
Teaching Max to swim/surf (even if she already can) because it’s a natural ground and something he’s good at so he’ll be more confident bonding with her.
Becoming less sexualised when the adults around him value him as a person and human being rather than an object.
Billy being surprised that physical contact can be a good thing (If Joyce is involved in his recovery she’d help him handle this and it would make the acceptance process of not every physical touch is bad a lot faster)
Billy getting used to platonic hugs/kisses and not flinching or feeling sick when he’s hugged.
Billy being given gifts unconditionally or without the expectation of doing or giving something in return. (Being given gifts would have been transactional. I gifted you a pair of school shoes you needed so now you owe me. I was nice enough to get you a birthday present you’re in my debt.)
Spreading/stopping resource guarding. (In the show Billy has his most valuable items around his bed in easy-to-grab spaces. Neil doesn’t view Billy as a person separate from himself so as far as he is concerned, anything Billy owns Neil owns. But eventually, Billy would feel comfortable enough to eventually stop resource guarding)
His struggle switch becomes easier to deal with as his brain deals with and recovers from the trauma of surviving 18 years of abuse.
Becoming less sexualised as he starts to be respected and acknowledged as a person and not an object by the people around him.
Billy being having fewer nightmares because he is able to talk to people about what’s going on.
Being shocked when someone else cleans up after him / cooks for him as the scapegoat child he’s been the one cleaning the Hargrove house and cooking.
Collecting phase. Billy isn’t supposed to take up space in the Hargrove house as it would have been considered an attack on Neil. A nice rock, cool acorn, a wrapper of a sweet he had and really liked. Eventually, he’ll get rid of it but for a few months, the item will be a positive memory trigger.
Fidgeting. Billy will get to a point about 7-16 months into his recovery where he’s jittery and fidgeting. Mostly with his hands as the hands are often used as a way to self-soothe. At first, he’d be aggressive (Day one - month 5/6) because he’s uncertain that being removed will last (Parents like Neil have a nasty habit of always escaping trouble and managing to show up at the worst possible moment) but eventually once he is secure and sure he’s safe he’ll calm down which will lead to nervous behaviour. He may also have stressed-induced OCD ticks as often people who have traumatic early childhoods develop them.
Max insisting on helping Billy with a hobby. Personally, I think working on his car or building something. Billy has spent a huge portion of his life protecting his mum and then Max from Neil so that’s something that’s going to be hard to stop doing especially as it would have been a condition for his survival, (Make sure Max is fed, has a clean house, gets places she needs to go and you won’t be beaten). That is something that is so difficult to unlearn so he’s going to go through a phase where everything Max does makes him mad because she’s not careful enough. Everything from stumbling up the curb to climbing up a tree and jumping out is going to have him running after her like a mother hen who raised a duckling that got into the water for the first time.
Gift-giving / false love bombing. For a while, if Billy feels indebted or like he has strong emotions towards people he will give them gifts as he won’t know how to process/handle certain emotions. Unlike Neil who loves bombs to trap people in a relationship with him, Billy will gift give in place of emotional interactions.
Info dumping! If Billy finds someone he trusts and someone who will genuinely have an interest in his thoughts and opinions he will tell them everything and I mean every single thought he has in his head. No detail is too small or big. He will most likely tell them the same story several times as well.
Hypersexuality/Hyposexuality phases. Because of how adults have treated him in the past and Neil's obsession with manliness, Billy’s identity that he’s been allowed to develop has been hypersexual. People value him because he’s pretty and sex triggers chemicals that make him feel good physically and mentally. However, when he starts developing as a person away from Neil he’s going to start questioning the behaviour which will be reinforced by people taking an interest in what he likes/hates things he’s interested in. Once he’s secure this should level out.
His trauma amnesia might start to give him memory flashes and he’ll be able to remember his mother’s face more clearly as his brain heals. Around this time things like smells and sounds will make him oversensitive and he might display age regressive behaviours or cause him to have outbursts of anger. He will probably start to remember more severe traumatic events and will need therapy to avoid a recovery relapse.
If his mother is still alive (Personally I think Neil killed her when she tried to leave and Billy’s brain blocked it out or rewrote what happened as he was going for her face and neck and he goes for billy’s neck in the show which shows a pretty severe abusive situation.) He might seek her out after a few years. If it goes well he’ll have up and down moments when seeing her. His mood will build and reach a peak when meeting her and then his mood will plummet to normal levels after seeing her which can lead to depressive episodes or emotions that he can’t handle/control (Again if Joyce is involved I think this is something that she would be able to handle really well with him.)
Anxiety. He’s going to be made of anxiety. There will be days when he can’t go outside during the first few months. The day Neil moves out of Hawkins is the day you’ll see him strutting down the street with a smile on his face like it was the best day of his life. He’ll have several different safety habits to help cope with his anxiety.
He’ll be independent to a fault, probably to the point of sleepless hair falling out stress, but will also try to take on whatever Max needs as well. He’s been made responsible for her since she joined the Hargrove family and it’s a hard habit to break.
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I am adjusting well to the new job.
The schedule is typically two 12-hour shifts and two 8 hour shifts each week, so I get three days off and usually only work two or three days in a row. I also found out yesterday that there will be no more overnight shifts, which is a huge bonus. I did my first overnight shifts last weekend, and it was ok, but it is so good to know I don't have to do that again.
I have not told any of my supervisors that I'm sick. I did mention to my immediate supervisor that one of the reasons I didn't work for 15 years was that I had been sick, but then over the last few years my health had gotten stable again and I was able to go back to school. I will bring it up and ask for accommodations if I need to, but for now, it's kind of nice to keep it to myself.
I'm not ashamed of my illness or my limits, for over a decade I've been upfront with people about it, because it has affected every area of my life and being open about it made things easier. It's nice to be in a place health-wise where I don't need to do that. I don't need to have "the talk" and bring up my vulnerabilities first off and make sure that the people around me can handle it.
This isn't to say that I'm not experiencing any symptoms. This week - coming off two overnight 12 hr shifts - has been tough. I've had brain fog and pain and my energy has been really low. I have to be extra careful with things like signing off on medications and tasks because the brain fog affects my short term memory and recall. The systems they have in place at work for tracking things are actually really helpful. I'm already in the habit of signing off on meds as I give them (standard procedure, but some people will do the paperwork after the client leaves), so if I'm having a moment and can't remember, it's already written down and I can check. Brain fog is not ideal, but it's not going to cause any problems. There is always someone else around so if I forget to turn off the stove or forget where I put something, I've got backup. The pain is not too bad (typical muscle aches that come with fatigue) and I can sit down as much as I need to without it standing out as odd.
So basically, even on my not-great days, I can still handle it, and it feels good to be seen as "normal" and not "you're doing good for someone with chronic illness" but just "you're doing good". I love the work I'm doing. It's having a valuable impact on people, and it feels good. It's a good balance of activity and rest, my coworkers are great, and the clients are starting to warm up to me. I am so glad I took the risk to do this.
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In light of a recent conversation and the fact im rewatching once upon a time, im revisiting my opinion re: hating Elfangor thinking especially of the last two interactions Tobias has interacting with the idea of Elfangor in the series.
To lay it out, Tobias has a total of three interactions with Elfangor in the series: meeting him in book 1, having his will read in 23, and a hallucination in 43. I've tended to take to the hallucination as real-ish, real-like, since Tobias has so few interactions with his father and I've long hated the implications of that interaction. Duringst the recent conversation however, I argued myself into thinking it was wholly Tobias' subconscious. Basically what happens in that interaction (why I hate it) is it boils down to a hallucination of Elfangor telling Tobias to suck it up. Tobias has just been tortured for a hundred pages, and here is an image of his absent father saying: "yeah too bad, now suck it up. Get over it. You shouldn't feel as hurt as you do and you shouldn't go and make it anyone else's problem". It's dressed up in prettier language but that's the sentiment. Now I, as the reader, don't really know Elfangor that well. I don't know if he would say that to Tobias. I do know Tobias though and I know that Tobias would absolutely say that to himself
I'm also revisiting the reading of the will in 23 which I have always appreciated. I appreciated that in that will Elfangor said: I wanted to love you. Not that he did, but that he wanted to. I have long had a bit of stick up my ass thinking it's too little to say he wished he hadn't abandoned Tobias' because the fact of the matter is Tobias was abandoned whether Elfangor wanted to or not, but I am also rewatching once upon a time.
For those not in the know, once upon a time is a tv show about fairy tale characters processing generational trauma, and how that trauma follows the generations even as each new generation tries so hard to avoid the mistakes of their parents, to the point where several generations literally abandon their children hoping that will break the cycle of generational trauma (it works exactly once) Anyway long story short Neal, a character who at this point has pretty much processed the trauma his father had inflicted on him (good job btw) just died while his own son (Henry) had completely forgotten him due to a magic thing and thought he'd merely abandoned him and his mother in jail. In his dying breath, Neal told Emma (Henry's mom) that she didn't need to restore Henry's memory if he was happy without it, if it would cause him more pain to remember his father only knowing he'd died. But he asked her to tell Henry that he'd wanted to be a good father and dammit if that didn't mean something!
The crucial difference here between Elfangor and Neal is that Neal explicitly doesn't put responsibility onto Henry in exchange for his wanting to be a good father (if it would hurt him more to remember, he shouldn't) while Elfangor does saddle Tobias with a) fighting the war that he couldn't anymore and b) there's the fact that Elfangor's will was only read to Tobias to motivate him to continue to fight that war. Which is on the Ellimist but what else did Elfangor think it was gonna do when he wrote it??
Point is I am on better terms with Elfangor now but out of the two of them Neal is the better dad.
#animorphs discourse#once upon a time discourse#no i did not expect this but i should have as a i watch everything through an Animorphs lens#truly though Elfangor's and Neal's situations are super similar#they were both manipulated into unknowingly abandoning children which is wild#pinocchio=the Ellimist#i love neal and WHY doesn't he vet brought back or resurrected somehow there are so. freaking. many. ways that could be done in this show
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Top five ships ofc!!
sorry for the late response anon! i thought i’d posted this but turned out it was still in my drafts whoops
okay. to keep things fresh and interesting i’ll exclude ships i already picked for the idw dynamics ask:
5) this high up the list it's pretty variable, but rn I'm gonna say Getaway/Skids. i like the knife twist potential of them having been together, and that being one more thing that disappeared when Skids lost his memories. it ties easily into Getaway's jealous streak. also, if they were like in love in love, i think them reuniting only for Getaway to discover how completely he's been wiped away - and replaced, what with Skids' new closeness to several people on the Lost Light - would interact with Getaway's need to be important and special (or, hmm, maybe 'distinct' would be more accurate?) in an explosive way. it’s one of those scenarios that’s fun to think about for the sad and awful potential
4) Starscream/Rodimus bc a. the comedy potential here is insane lmao, Rodimus is often tactlessly authentic and Starscream expects everyone around him to be playing 4d psychological chess. and b. i think the two of them bouncing off each other genuinely could be interesting? Starscream is hyper alert for people manipulating/taking advantage in a particular way, but it's one that Rodimus doesn’t really do. also, Rodimus is very emotionally driven in both his decision making and his moral compass, and while it doesn't do him any favours when it comes to attempts to manipulate him that are short term with quick payoffs, I think it would actually make it difficult to truly lead him down a path he's not naturally inclined to take. imo Rodimus' acting on his emotions+feeling faster than he can think disposition could make him immune to some of Starscream's bullshit. this incompatibility between them might cause interactions with each other to go a very different way than is typical for either of them with other people, which i think could be interesting to explore
3) Megatron/Optimus. TFP was my entry point for getting really into tf, and i've always enjoyed ships where they're enemies now, but they used to be lovers who had no choice but to split over irreconcilable philosophical differences. I was an easy sell on this one
2) Drift/Rodimus. tho tbh i still haven't quite found my ideal angle on this ship yet (which is why the sequel to Hope (and other bad jokes) has stalled out. i could go into a whole essay on how i think about characterisation and the whats & whys of Rodimus' motivations proving unexpectedly slippery, but i'm not sure you signed on to take that thousand word detour anon haha)
1) Jazz/Soundwave. the ultimate. the ideal. i've said before about how for tf i get more attached to individuals than dynamics, and i am blessed to be interested in both Soundwave and Jazz independently and fascinated by the ways they can play off each other. they have a fantastic balance of similarities (they are both very competent!! i cannot tell you how important that is here, competence is the #1 thing that appeals to me about a character), and many of the ways they diverge are mirrored, like it's the opposite direction taken but still the same road (preferred approach to their job, sound/music theming). the ships i think about most tend to be ones where the dynamic pushes the characters to be more themself, the connection intensifying both their good qualities and their bad ones, and jazzwave lends itself readily to this. truly the perfect ship for me
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why I will not be openly queer (or anything I am really) around my grandma, a personal rant
my grandma's memory has been going for a while now. it really got bad a few years ago when she got into a car accident with a semi truck and broke 16 bones at the age of 82. the accident was caused by a TIA (basically a mini stroke) that she had while driving. she spent 3 months in the hospital followed by more of rehab and multiple medical crises since then. her personality changed after the accident and these days she won't talk on the phone for much more that 5-10 minutes because she stops being able to remember the beginning of the conversation. this is incredibly distressing for her.
now, I'm out to my family. I'm actually out to my grandma--I came out about 4 months before the accident and she did not take it well because my family is incredibly conservative and christian. my general policy with my family is that I won't hide who I am or large parts of my life just to make them comfortable.
my grandma is the exception to this. I don't know if she remembers me coming out, but that doesn't matter. you see, although she can't remember much short term, she does retain the emotions even after she's forgotten the reason for them. she has always been an anxious worrier and this got so much worse after the accident.
this is why at my brother's wedding last year, no one let her know that I'd gotten out of a psych ward 3 days before the wedding. it would only have made her worry and she wouldn't be able to fully understand the situation.
after years of being hurt about how she reacted to my coming out (it. was. really. bad.) and how she's commented about my health and body and all kinds of things, i've realized something:
the woman I knew as my grandma is gone. her body is here, fragments of her mind can still connect with reality. but her ability to reason and understand like an adult is not there anymore. there's a reason she prefers to sit with my cousins who are under the age of 3--she doesn't have to follow their conversation.
and I'm not saying she's a shell or something--no. she's here with us, but it's like she's hidden behind wavy glass. she can't see us and we can't fully reach her. we don't have much time left with her, but that time is honestly more about her than us.
my grandma is literally incapable of understanding my identity and life choices. trying to have those conversations only distresses her. the most kind and loving thing for me to do is let go of trying have her see the current me. she sees me still as the little girl she's prayed for every day since before I was born. and at this point, it's all she'll ever see. trying to change that will only make it all hurt more for both of us.
it's not important that my grandma deal with homophobia she cannot fully comprehend. all that's left is her emotions--I want her to know that I love her and that I know she loves me. I want her to feel joy in her family in these last months or years.
would it be different if there was a snowball's chance in hell she could understand? absolutely. my parents don't get to bury their heads in the sand about this. and this would be wildly different if this position on my grandma was coming from them and not from me.
but it is cruel to be open to someone who cannot understand and who won't remember anything except that she's scared for me and that I'm in "danger" (from her perspective both immediately and eternally).
from my perspective, my grandma is dead. she cannot know me as I am now as much as if she was already buried. even when she comments about my health or body, I know that it's only because she has zero filter and isn't really there to think or care about me. it's heartbreaking that she can't understand, but I have to grieve that like she's already gone.
however from her perspective, she's very much alive. and I know she worries that I don't love her because I was so distant before. if my grandma is unreachable to me, then the best I can do is love her exactly as she is until the end.
so no, I won't bring up my queerness or my religion or my political beliefs or my polyamory or any number of other things around her. I won't tell her I was on a psych ward again. our relationship is no longer about me in any meaningful way because she cannot see me. she sees her memory of me and I want her to feel loved. I want her to remember me in a way that knows that I love her.
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What We Remember
It wasn’t always like this.
In 2020, the people rejected fascism, Joe Biden won the presidency, COVID continued to ravage the country. Everything was still bad, but it served our purposes. A healthier and happier population means better blood, and less attention on what we’re doing. We were back to business as usual.
Yesterday that all changed. After Klaus left town and the Double Eagle was vacated I had plans to turn it into a leather bar. Felt fitting to fill it up with deviants. Then out of nowhere the few meager gun control measures in place are upended. A new amendment guaranteeing a personal right to keep and bear arms is passed and signed into law with no warning. As I start to ask how this happens in Joe Biden’s America my head starts to swim, like I stopped for a drink at a music festival. I have a very vivid memory of the election. Feeling some relief that the pandemic would be gotten under control. We can’t really get sick, but we can still carry and spread certain viruses. I don’t really know all the science behind it. I could ask Valentina, but she has a way of taking what should be a short answer and delivering a dissertation on the subject. Most of us have been drinking donor blood for a while anyhow. All very sanitized and sustainable. Or, it was.
President Trump is serving his second term and always has been. On the heels of the new gun laws putting an incalculable amount of handguns on the street, the President then shattered The Masquerade. We knew the government knew about us, but there was no point in revealing our existence. It’d be like knowing aliens are real. What would anybody do with that knowledge besides panic?
Martial law has been declared, as well as a curfew; nobody out after dark. There goes my nightclub. The entire country is that town from Footloose.
Of course it gets worse. They’ve rounded up the homeless and stuck them in abandoned houses and motels. We’ll see what happens with that, but it means it’s harder for us to hide, and as intended, is removing the last accessible source of emergency sustenance for the Kindred population.
The president is also making thermal imaging goggles available to all Americans who want them. We had those banned decades ago for “cancer risk”. Which is bullshit. I think. They might cause cancer, I’m not a doctor. What they absolutely do though is reveal our presence to anybody wearing them. Kindred bodies run cold, and there’s almost no getting them warm enough to fool those things.
Some of us are going underground, sleeping for a decade or two until the humans become preoccupied with something else. It’s not a bad idea, especially if we can’t change the past.
But if somebody did it once, maybe we can undo that change. Maybe we can fix our timeline.
If we can figure out how this happened in the first place.
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so, it all starts with the world. in this world, there are people with and without powers. it’s any sort of powers, really, and it’s sort of super-hero-y. people with powers are much less vulnerable than those without, so those without end up relying on people with powers. because of this, it creates an unintentional hierarchy. now, in this hierarchy, there are some powerless people who wish to have some sort of power, and this results in them doing heinous crimes, such as kidnapping a small child.
now, the small child is the main oc, and she was taken away by scientists. these scientists promised to her parents that they’d make her healthy, since she had a few physical issues. this small child was literally five years old when it all happened. so, these scientists decided to use this vulnerable child as their test subject, resulting in her becoming an experiment. throughout her life in the laboratory, she would have various serums injected in her to give her “strength”. because of these injections, her appearance had changed and she no longer looked human. she ended up gaining powers where she could bend shadows and even fade into them. and, the kicker, is that her physical problems were never improved—rather, they were worsened. the strength of the serums caused her so much pain, that every time she uses her power, she has a phantom feeling that her body is being ripped apart.
at this point, she’s been in the compound for so long that she’s forgotten what trees actually look like and the memory of her mother reading her bedtime stories is something she’s completely lost. she decides that, no matter what, she will find a way to escape this compound. she didn’t want to die there, she knew she would have if she didn’t find her way out. she saw what they did to some of her friends. those friends never even got funerals, they were just tossed into some large body of water. so, she makes a plan on her own and successfully sneaks out.
after a few weeks of living on the streets of the nearest city she could run to, a kind-seeming man takes her in. this man sends her to school to give her an education, teaches her how to live a proper life, etc. though, after about two years of living under his guidance, he mysteriously passes away. in her grief, she starts going to the park every day, since it was a place this man used to always go to feed the ducks, and throws breadcrumbs in the water. one day, she ends up meeting my best friend’s oc, and they traumabond!!! hooray!!!!!
the friend’s backstory is that she has a power where she can reverse time, but it can be no more than one hour ago, and the downside is that she starts experiencing short-term memory loss if she goes back too many times, and also that if she has a wound, each time she goes back, her wound gets much worse. like, a paper cut would become a wound that might have her lose her finger. and, this one day, the school she was at (it was separate from my oc’s school) was attacked by someone with powers, someone bad, and that oc’s best friend ended up passing in this attack. the oc kept trying to rewind over and over again, but she just kept seeing her best friend’s death. no matter what she did, she couldn’t prevent their death. and, at some point, her head was slammed against the wall, so every time she rewinded, the bruise that would’ve been on her head ended up being a concussion. HUZZAH!!!
anyways, we made these ocs two years ago, so it’s like super edgy and shit but we’re emotionally attached so we refuse to let go of them and stop working on them.
OH EM GEEEEE I LOVE THEM??-!2!!/!-&-&/
i love the back stories too ofmfg theyre so cool im obsessed AND I LLVE YOUR WRITING SO MUCHUGH
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im partially undiagnosing myself with ocd bc a lotta my shit makes waaaaaaay more sense reframed as autism or adhd-related stuff. not all the way tho cause i def still *had* active ocd symptoms at one point. but i don't now. like i behave in repetitive ways, but those routines aren't connected to specific obsessive thoughts. i don't think that *not* doing something in the way i prefer means something bad but unrelated will happen. i'm just quite particular.
if i put my right sock on before my left sock, nothing bad will happen. it'll just irritate me until i take both socks off and put the left one back on first. but that irritation isn't...connected to anything? even if i called it anxiety instead, it wouldn't be anxiety *about* anything.
another example that's been cited to me in regards to this--if i start eating a box of (my own) cereal, i will probably not stop eating the cereal until i'm full or the box is empty. i've accepted this, so i just buy boxes of cereal knowing they'll be gone in two days. nothing bad happens if i don't eat as much cereal as i physically can. i just REALLY like eating cereal, and i have a balanced enough diet that i don't give a shit how much cereal i eat. (a side note--this is almost 100% of the time dry cereal. i don't like the mouthfeel of wet cereal.)
edit: and another "thing that was colloquially known as something it was 'okay' to tease me about" is my terrible short term memory. blah blah ptsd memory loss whatever. that's not what i'm talking about. i know my short term memory has always been terrible bc i remember that i've been teased about it my entire life. that doesn't quite make sense until you reframe it as a terrible attention span; if i'm focused on the thing i'm doing and nothing interrupts me, my short term memory is fucking FINE. well. head injuries aside; those are way more recent.
hang on. HANG ON. THATS A HUGE FUCKING PART OF ADHD. if my family had stopped mocking me for my "bad memory" for like a second--ugh. i'm going to bed.
#newt needs a text post tag#newt's medical posting#'thats just how you are' but somehow its bad and also my fault so nobody got me ACTUALLY diagnosed
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Okay! I got some of the questions ready for you this morning!
😓 - What was the most difficult victim your OC ever had? Did they have a tough fight? Did your OC get hurt/injured? Zach, Max
🥩 - Would your OC eat someone if they had to? Are they already a cannibal? If so, why? Abigail, Jude, Zach
🧓 - Do you think they would ever ‘retire,’ or will they keep on slashin’ until they’re in the retirement home, Peepaw Myers style? Abigail, Max
🥺 - Do you believe your OC is evil for their actions, or do you think they are justified/have my poor little meow meow status? Abigail, Max
Hi T33th! Ok this was a lot so I put it under the cut:
(Questions Here)
😓 - What was the most difficult victim your OC ever had? Did they have a tough fight? Did your OC get hurt/injured?
Max’s most difficult victim is kind of spoilers tbh because it’s someone who he,,, didn’t defeat. I will say that, given a werewolf’s raw power it’s almost impossible for a human to fight them themselves. They need tools and strategies and this time it was done indirectly. Yes, he did get injured, and was even believed to be dead. When he came to I imagine he was in all sorts of pain and due to short term memory loss, it took him a while to figure out what actually happened, but when he did… It was pretty hard for him to deal with. I think he has a few scars near his abdomen and chest from this actually.
Zach’s most difficult fight will always be from the Abelton Incident. Not to go into too many spoilers but I mean… He lost an entire fucking eye, almost lost his fingers, sustained a whole lot of scars and no doubt broken bones as well. It’s honestly a testament to his strength that he survived it at all. Not only was this difficult for him physically, but mentally and emotionally as well; he was… Dealing with the very recent loss of a loved one. Abigail traumatised him with what she did and, even more horrifically, used the death of this very same loved one in order to hurt him even more. While it was Jude who dealt the final blow, it was his conviction that got them to that point and he’s ultimately just as responsible for their victory. The demon that possessed him may have been Zach’s first brush with a malevolent supernatural force, but to be honest he didn’t really feel the full weight of what it meant to be a hunter until that point in his life.
🥩 - Would your OC eat someone if they had to? Are they already a cannibal? If so, why?
Abigail is already mildly into it bc she’s drank blood before (for various reasons) and,,, enjoyed it,,, she probably wouldn’t care for eating actual organs for leisure bc they have more value to her as ingredients tbh but if she had to? I wouldn’t exactly say she has a weak stomach lol, although I think she’d at least be classy enough to cook that shit first,,,
Jude is literally on the complete opposite end of the spectrum where the idea disgusts her both instinctually and morally. She sees it as depraved, and tbh I think she has the principles to refuse human meat even if she had to starve as a result. It actually wouldn’t be that far fetched if she ended up in the situation bc she,,, kind of has bad luck with these things honestly but she really does see it as deplorable even if the person was already dead.
Zach is funny bc in some ways he’s very noble and will honestly sacrifice himself and in order to save other people, he does genuinely believe in his cause and devotes his life to it but unlike Jude, he’s definitely willing to get down and dirty if he has to and has more of a capacity for both spiteful cruelty and cold pragmatism. Because of this, I would say yes, but only if he was forced into a situation where there was no other choice but to starve (and just like Jude, his luck is pretty bad so lol) and only if the person was already dead. He’d probably be very remorseful and conflicted afterwards though. I don’t doubt he’d wrestle with feelings of shame that he did what he did. It’s ironic, too, because he spends his life going after ghouls and other corpse-eaters…
🧓 - Do you think they would ever ‘retire,’ or will they keep on slashin’ until they’re in the retirement home, Peepaw Myers style?
Abigail is a witch and well,,, I believe we all know about the wicked old hag living in the woods stereotype. If there is no kind of intervention, I can see her steadily degrading over the years and becoming even more inhuman and depraved. This could go a few ways really: either she fits this archetype to a T and retreats into the wilderness once she gets so old she no longer likes travelling, tries to figure out some way to become immortal so she can continue her occult learning, or… Abby will go further down the rabbit whole of insane multidimensional magick and disappear to,,, who the fuck even knows at this point.
Max is likely to go the same way as Jack, that is to say he will become an elder Lycan and probably have an easier time controlling himself as the years go by. I can see him ‘retiring’ and stopping the active killing honestly, but on a more practical note he will probably have to leave Downings at some point. It would be kinda,,, suspicious if he lived there for too long lol. He’d probably go looking for other Lycans to group up with (other than Jack, but he might actually be dead at this point so) since he’s not really suited to being alone, he’ll become depressed if he doesn’t belong to a family tbh. I see him as a cool badass grandpa biker looking dude who is nice to kids and maybe takes after Jack in the sense that he mentors other Lycans as well. Also he’d probably grow his bushy beard out longer lol.
🥺 - Do you believe your OC is evil for their actions, or do you think they are justified/have my poor little meow meow status?
Abigail might have had meow meow status at one point, but it’s become more complicated as I started writing her and I have begun to emphasise her selfishness and cruelty a bit more, bc she is very much both of those things. However I do feel sympathy for her, because with all the neglect she faced, love seemed like an unattainable ideal for her and her other desire for power and knowledge sort of filled that void in her heart. I think if there had been a better upbringing, maybe someone more understanding or who at least cared about her, things could’ve been different; maybe she wouldn’t be stuck in the ‘I am evil’ rut so much. I feel that it’s almost more tragic that she would probably end up in this sort of position anyway because she is by nature an eldritch abomination who tbh can’t really fit in with humans to a degree. Also no, most of her murders are not justified whatsoever and she’s intentionally killed innocents for absolutely no reason on multiple occasions, quite scummy ngl. Once she passed that threshold it was impossible to go back, but at least she looked cool while doing it lol. (Plus I just kinda love evil women so)
Max is ABSOLUTELY my poor little meow meow who has done nothing wrong ever in his life he is my sweet baby boy. The really sad thing about Max is that he had no choice or say whatsoever in his initial slasher actions and basically had no idea wtf was going on, but unlike a certain someone he always retained his more compassionate side and was able to push past it and never willingly killed an innocent. Like, the only people he kills now are done on a judgement basis and I do believe there’s a kind of discussion to be had on whether or not it’s acceptable to like,,, kill someone bc they were rude once lol but I feel like there’s some wiggle room when it comes to him. I can’t bring myself to think of him as evil and I do believe he’s meow meow material <3 which is further helped by the fact he also balances it out with caring for and helping people? Tbh I believe even as a human he didn’t like bullies and growing up as he did with his brothers, he learned how to fight pretty early on so it wasn’t like his ‘justice seeking’ behaviour came out of nowhere. His problem is mostly recognising more subtle assholery
#t33th#Zachariah Johnson#Zach#Judith Bell#Jude#Abigail Williams#Abigail#Maxwell Holt#Max#asks#ask game#rottent33th
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im just so intrigued by the fact that i wasn’t able to understand a single movie or book i watched or read as a kid. i could never keep track of the story or the characters.
ramble got long putting it under a read more
i always felt like when you tap on the first episode of a show on netflix but for some reason it starts playing the first episode of their latest season and you’re super confused about everything because there’s three seasons of lore you’re missing.
i don’t remember the story of a single book we read in school. i remember short scenes here and there that surprised me or made me feel emotional for some reason but that’s it. i never knew the context. i never understood the whole story. i don’t know how i ever passed spanish or english class.
for a while we used to go to the library and they would read to us a chapter of a book each week and i could never pay attention. i just remember zoning out staring at my nails or the table or anything. we read the hobbit that way i think and i always felt like i had missed a class and very important info with it but no. i hadn’t.
silent reading time was also torture. i couldn’t read i also just stared at nothing for twenty minutes and it was excruciating.
and i also cant remember any movies i watched at the cinema. i remember when we got together to watch the hunger games (and i had allegedly read the book) and everyone was talking about what the movie adaptation did or didn’t include and i was so absolutely lost. no idea what anyone was talking about.
the only thing about my childhood i remember understanding and processing alright was tv shows. i perfectly remember nick sitcoms and cartoons. i think it has to do with the fact that i could watch those over and over again before a new season aired, so i got enough time and repetition to seal stuff in my memory.
i don’t know. i think that wasn’t normal probably. then one day some time after eight grade maybe i was just randomly granted the gift Understanding Media. well. mostly movies, i still struggled with reading in high school. i remember i never read things fall apart, but a children version of the book i had for some reason, and i passed somehow. i still don’t know what the book was about.
i remember my piano teacher saying when i was fourteen that i was at an age when i should read so much because teens are so emotional (in a good way) and full of wonder so romantic (as in romanticism, not romance) stories were great for letting all that bloom or whatever. but that only made me feel bad because i felt how time was slipping away from me and i was missing my chance at enjoying a big chunk of literature.
i don’t think i have adhd or some kind of disorder that could cause that level of inattentiveness but who knows. if i did then why can i suddenly understand movies and stuff? did my brain just develop too late in that aspect?
i usually attribute apparent adhd symptoms from my childhood to anxiety and burnout. because it’s way more likely since i’ve always been anxious and the executive dysfunction and lack of memory can easily be explained by anxiety too. but this thing about the movies and books remains unexplained and i don’t know if i will ever truly know what happened there. and also adhd seems to come with this “hyperfixations and obsessive consumption of media” thing that is exactly the opposite of my entire life experience. that’s the main reason i steer away from the term.
i am trying to actually read now. i know it’s an insane thing for a 22 year old to say but i don’t know when the last time i read something that wasn’t a textbook was before dracula daily. now that it’s over i’ve proved that my brain can keep track of a written story, at least when it is serialized and i have time to process its parts like with the kids tv shows.
i want to read more to get out of this hole. but i also want to know why the hell i am in this hole in the first place. i have almost nothing to look back on nostalgically like people who loved star wars as kids and made their own halloween costumes and had a toy collection and more. i just watched sitcoms and cartoons to laugh and escape from the world, not to understand any themes or messages. i feel like something was stolen from me and i’ll never get it back.
#anyway i signed up for the substack that will send you moby dick over the course of two years#i don’t think i’ll make it but one can dream right#vent
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So- my thoughts on the episode. Spoilers!!!
Dan's exit could've been interesting and it wasn't really, but it was a very normal human thing to do and Dan has been played straight as a very normal human guy, so makes sense.
I'm happy they recruited Ace and Tegan to UNIT rather than continuing Ace's charity story. They already seemed to do everything they could with it in Big Finish and the ACE book and it doesn't fit on-screen Ace well at all. She could've given the company over to someone else or be using it to fund UNIT when the government doesn't want to, but being in the field rather than behind a desk is... mmm. So much better. (I'll have to edit my longfic draft a bit, I was waiting for the episode to come out to add her section, but not too drastically)
I didn't expect them to confirm Tegan/Nyssa one way or the other. Farewell, Sarah Jane is nice, but the Doctor Who Lockdown stories that weren't for the book have been almost completely ignored thus far and I doubt that'll change. For instance, Big Finish gave present Ace a K-9, (in her weakest story imo) but it explicitly wasn't Sarah Jane's.
They also don't outright deny/confirm other expanded media either. "Three decades for me" could mean a number of things, including new meetings with the Doctor getting lost in Ace's short-term memory thanks to Brax and she just didn't age much until she was put back in her own time after Gallifrey.
There is a very particular itch for the Master for me that only Sacha Dhawan has scratched and Rasputin and taking the Doctor's body presumably for the extra (now possibly infinite) lives, something he's always wanted to do but never quite succeeded in doing- letting him actually do it, all felt very fresh.
The past faces manifesting in their mind during a time of terrible danger thing hasn't been done on TV I don't think, and it was done in the perfect surreal way.
The hologram 5 and 7 were adorable. Five comforting Tegan about Adric and Seven making up with Ace and acknowledging she's grown up and he's proud of her on-screen. (Chibnall you actually remembered that he's basically her dad when so many writers have forgotten that especially with the few modern-day Ace stories.)
I felt very teased with the possibility of a Thasmin kiss. They didn't have to, but that left something balled up in my chest. The ice creams were quite literally sweet though.
All of the bad guys are just fodder for the Master, that's kinda meh. His plan being trigger every volcano on Earth to cause a doomsday rather than just hyperbeaming it with his death star planet is a very Classic Master plan though.
Kate didn't do much and that makes me sad. Still no Osgood=homophobic. I don't make the rules. At least she's not dead, even though Chibnall could do so justifiably, since the (Jenna Redgrave) Kate is his character.
The plot is messy but there is a through line and it comes to a decent conclusion after that huge rollercoaster.
Companion support group is an official thing now I thought that would only ever exist in fanfic and comedy skits.
The end... I'm sorry. I just didn't like it. I never liked 10, he's my least favourite Doctor. I'd have preferred if they did half the regeneration here, fade to white, credits roll, the other half in the next special, because while I love David Tennant in other roles (especially Crowley) I cannot stand his Doctor, think he’s overstayed his welcome and wish I could ignore it.
Overall I think it's a good story and it has all the love for classic who that I wish the 50th had but didn't. Better written than DotD? I don't think so, but I like it better. (For one I actually like most of the characters involved, not only 3 of them) It definitely feels like a comfort episode, very self-indulgent, very camp and fun, fanfic-y but in a good way- but also this thing is a straight-up whole action movie, not an ordinary special.
Also you can still 100% tell that after series 10 Chibnall binge-read the VNAs, has the same vibes as the books, including one I was reading last night. To be fair Transit is all about space trains but that's just a coincidence I totally forgot there'd be a space train in the episode .
#dw spoilers#power of the doctor#doctor who#doctor who centenary special#long post#my thoughts#spoilers#doctor who spoilers
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random facts about me
my favorite movie of all time is the 1988 movie Heathers by Michael Lehmann, My favorite animated movie is, Mhe Mitchells vs. The Machines by Michael Rianda
my favorite food is most certainly Chicken strips
I've been diagnosed with ADHD, Autisim and Dyslexia
4 My favorite game is not Pokemon nor Cassette Beasts, that honor goes to 2022's Cult of the Lamb
My favorite show is no My Adventures with Superman, that honor goes to Bluey
6 My favorite music genre is what ever the hell the Bear Ghost is
a movie I like everyone seems to hate? The Bad Guys by Pierre Perifel
a movie I like everyone seems to hate? Balan Wonder world
My parents never officially got divorced until I was 11, but they've been separated sense I was 6 or so
my cat Tigger was named after the whiney the Pooh character, it was my step dad who named him.
I was nearly born in the nation of Qatar, if I was I would've been born in August instead of October
I was born on October 30th
I'm aromantic, I have never considered the idea of having a romantic relationship with anyone of any gender, I have never understood the concept of romance as an extension of this fact
my favorite character is definitely Christain Slater's Jason Dean from Heathers, though I do enjoy characters who tend to fall under the emo archetype or characters who have feel misunderstood due to me feeling misunderstood myself through out my life
Ghost to the future isn't my first online persona, I've gone under names like Arrowgirlie, Amity_Blight84, go touch grass, 1980s Christian Slater and many more
I've been using the internet sense 2019 well I guess earlier technically with things like YouTube, Deviantart, Animal Jam, fanfiction.net but 2019 is when I stepped into social media with things like mage and demon queen, brawl stars, the lion guard, cookie run and pokemon being the reason I joined the internet
I own too many plushies lmao like seriously half my bed is just plushies mostly being pokemon plushies sense Pokemon is my special interest but yeah
something I used to love but no longer do? definitely the band Tv girl FUCK tv girl
I've always suffered with both long term and short term memory but ever sense I was 12 or so its just been getting worse, I have huge gaps in my memory I barley remember what's happened in my life sense 2019 or so unless someone brings it up or something similar up that reminds me of it, other then that its all just fuzzy feels like it never happened
I have asthma and Acid Reflux which both have affected my health asthma stopping me from exscericing mutch because I always feel like my lungs are burning
I also have PCOS which has caused things like excuses hair naimly on my chin and hands and just made me more masculine then biological females should be
I am a transgender man, I've been questioning my gender sense 2020 or so I first considered myself nonbinary then back to female then demigirl, then I was switching between genderfluid and agenderfor a long as time, back to nonbinary but then in mid 2023 I landed on trans man and its what felt right to describe myself as, well I guess trans man and nonbinary but yeah!
I am Irish and German but I've been raised in the United states
my favorite plot has always been role reversal plots, I love myself a good role reversal
my least favorite has always been the archetype of the "what if this character never existed" plot think of its wishful life from FOP as an example I have never cared because I have never found it interesting
I have always had an oral fixation, Like biting my nails, this more so then anything has lead to me spending money I do not have on gum just to give me something to chew on that won't hurt my teeth, even when I can't afford it I will buy gum because I need something to chew on
I have some permanent scars on my body, all from accidents, one on my forehead from when I was 10, one from 9 that goes all the way from my wrist to my elbow on my right arm ( apparently I was lucky with that because according to a doctor it was very close to nerves if the nerves got hit then my wrist might've just stopped working)
My favorite child hood book was dog man, that mixed with things like warrior cats and pokemon books helped developed a love of reading, though I will say I mostly read fanfiction these days
my favorite comic? definitely the south park au Hell Park, hell Park has defintally influenced my art style
my top 5 favorite shows are defintally Bluey, Camp Camp, Pokemon Anime, Monkie kid, Lion Guard
I have very bad stage fright. I don't know when this started but its been going on ever sense
I'm agnostic. I know theres a god but I just think putting thought into that fact to be a waste of time, I'd rather dedicate my life to what I care about then what I don't
I have always suffered from paranoia be it what lurks in the dark, what others think about me behind my back, to what if scenarios
I never learned how to tie my shoes, I never learnt how to swim, I never learnt how to ride a bike
sense 2022 I've been addicted to pepsi, okay saying addicted might be a stretch but I bet ou that in 2024 alone I've driven more pepsi then water.
I've never liked Minecraft
I have always wanted to get peiricings, I've had my ears pierced but i've wanted my eyebrows and nose in particular peirced because why not
I plan on having my first tattoo be something from pokemon
my least favorite character in media is defintally the movie version of Ramona Flowers
I actually got held back in the first grade
I once had a huge tik tok account I think 100,000 something + followers I wonder what would happened if I stuck with that tik tok
Video games are my absolute favorite medium, I love video games yet i've never played the more popular ones like mario or pac man
My favorite musical artist is either Sarah and the Safe Word or Lemon Demon
I like rainy days more than sunny days
I don't know how old I was when I did this but I tried making a comic series called David and Steve
my first video game must've been cut the rope my mom loved it so I often played it when I was young
when I was four or so I lost my two front teeth they never grew back
I have a lisp
I'm allergic to pollen and animal fur mainly cat fur
I have a crippling fear of heights
I've never owned a dog only cats and bunnies
I am bisexual
I can't whistle or snap my fingers.
I don't know my own blood type
ever sense I was young I've suffered with bloody noses in dry weather but It stopped when I was 13 or so
I've seen suffering with seasonal depression sense about 13 or so in October I feel like I can rule the world by November I want to kill myself
I really never learnt how to cook
I've never cried when losing a pet
My favorite ice cream is mint chocolate chip
my favorite color is black
my favorite gaming genre? RPG
I used to think dishwashers were a thing for rich people, I felt so embarrassed when I was corrected though.
I have blood pressure problems and low metabolism
I've suffered with insomnia all my life either I can't sleep at all or I wake up in the middle of the night like 5 times
I never remember my dreams.
that was a lie but well, the only dreams I remember are these odd ones where its like they take place in one specfic place, I've had a few of these either it being a school, a odd motel, a parking garage mixed with my current house while it was under construction, one that's just my old house from Ohio I could go on
I've had to move a lot in my time
I am the youngest of four children
well I guess if you don't count my older step sister and younger half brother then I'd be the second youngest of 6 children
I hate my siblings
My favorite experience is riding in a crowded (but not jammed) highway at night with the bright city lights off of the road it hits diffrent.
in 7nth grade I got accused of being a zoophile for no god damn reason
I've always had trouble making friends
when ever I do make friends though they always leave me lol
I love collecting Funko pops
my favorite meme is "Fortnite battle pass" my humor hasn't been the same sense
I've always loved puns
I'm close sighted
my facial hair is so extreme people have thought i'm cis male which has made me feel pretty nice but my mom always forces me to pluck it every few months
I have a weird thing if I eat extremley hot and cold ( as in temperature ) food then I have a physical reaction of pain for hot my chest hurts for cold my back hurts and I feel like I need to sneeze for both but mostly cold
my favorite chocolate is kit kat
my favorite candy is gummy bears
I'm 5'5 or 5'6
I did this because I was bored
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