Broken Love; Ch. 2
Summary: You and Natasha breakup after finding out about her secret affair. Wanda’s there to comfort you.
Pairing: Natasha x Reader; Wanda x Reader
Warnings: cheating, death, blood
Please keep in mind that this is a reimagined version of Dangerous Love and it goes a completely different route. Please do not expect anything to be the same aside from the love triangle aspect. I hope you enjoy!
Tags: @madamevirgo @causeitswhatjesuswouldfreakingdo @myperfectlovepoem @stephanieromanoff @helloalycia @generouslyfadingtimemachine @aimezvousbrahms @upsidedowndanvers @tomy5girls @shelby-victoria7 @muntahatirmazi @chasethemoon @therealmeari
Air blew out from between your lips as you slouched against the couch in the unfamiliar space, the clock above you ticked to mark every passing second and you leaned your head against the back of the couch. Your patience was wearing thin, having been waiting for - according to the clock - 187 seconds. 188, 189, 190.
The ticking isn't stopping is the point. And neither is the waiting. But when the door finally opened and a tuxedoed man walked into the room with a folder in his hand, you picked your head up and rolled your eyes as he sat down in the chair across from you. You crossed your arms over your chest and raised an eyebrow at him. He sent you a cheeky grin.
"I'm sorry to keep you waiting, Y/N," he said, crossing a leg over his other one. "I got caught up with another client. I'm Dr.-"
"Xavier Woods, graduated top of your class in Bronx Community College with a 3.8 GPA, married at the ripe young age of 19 and are still together with three kids and one on the way. I-"
"Clearly did your homework." Xavier smiled at you brightly, clearly not phased from having a majority of his life presented to him in a sentence. You wonder how many SHIELD agents he counseled in order for him to just smile and move on from being closely analyzed. "No worries. I did mine, too."
You verbally groaned as he opened the folder and placed it in his lap, pulling out a pen from the inside of his pocket. He clicked it and scribbled something down real quick, making you quirk an eyebrow with curiosity.
"You're an impeccable agent, Y/N," he said, staring at the papers in his lap, seemingly purposely blocking you from getting a peek by the way it's slanted towards him. "You have a very high success rate since you started your work here at SHIELD, but you seem to be struggling to maintain that pass/fail ratio lately. You were at an outstanding 97% success, but that seems to have stumbled down to a 92%." His eyes raised to look at you. "Is there any specific reason as to why?"
"The missions get out of my control sometimes. There's nothing I can do about it," you stated, eyebrows furrowed when he nodded thoughtfully, writing something down once more. "I know what you're doing."
"I'm just doing my job, Y/N." He picked his head up to fully look at you, a small grin on his face as he spun the pen between his fingers. "You're here for me to confirm whether or not you're emotionally capable of continuing your work here at SHIELD."
"I'm more than capable," you declared defensively. "This is ridiculous. Just sign off the paper so we can please Steve and-"
"The reason I get picked for counseling agents in your position is because I don't half ass my job," he assured. "We're going to do this thoroughly. Let's start with the most recent mission. You went with three other agents to secure some scientific data yesterday." You groaned. The only reason you're here is because Steve thinks you're not in the right "headspace" to continue on with missions anymore. And though you really couldn't blame him what with the constant back to back fails, you were still going to be stubborn about it.
"Yeah, I'd rather not." You shook your head.
He leaned forward, his eyebrows furrowed with concern. "Start from the beginning, Y/N, and then we'll get to the point where you killed a fellow agent."
"I did not-" You scoffed, running your hands over your face in frustration before throwing them up in a surrender fashion. "Alright, fine. I'll start from the beginning and you'll see that I didn't do it purposely."
The ride to the mission was sat in tense silence, strangling you, Natasha, and Bruce as a fourth agent drove the Jeep. You opted for the front as you quickly studied over the file, as safe a distance as you could get between the two lovebirds inside a small, confined space. But they hadn't said a word to each other since finding out you've been tossed onto the mission at the last second, much to your own displeasure. You felt bad for the innocent agent being looped into this, knowing he didn't sign up for the intensity of the situation.
"ETA, two minutes." You didn't glance at the agent when he spoke, breaking the silence for a brief moment, only to fall into more silence. You heard him softly sigh under his breath and you wondered what exactly was running through his mind right now.
You looked out the window, taking a break from the reading and you caught Natasha in the side mirror. You met her gaze, feeling your heart skipping a couple of beats at the depth of the emerald-colored pupils. On any given day, you would've been giving in to this desire you were beginning to feel, the need to wrap your arms around her and pull her lips into yours. You shook it off and returned to the papers in your hand.
"The mission's simple," Natasha announced when the Jeep pulled up to its designated parking spot, the three of them looking over a map Bruce laid out on the hood of the vehicle while you stood off to the side, already familiar with the layout of the building. "We go in, get the data, get out."
"What if we split up and-"
"Okay, you're starting later than where I want you to start." You blinked at the interruption, eyebrows furrowing as you refocused on the therapist in front of you.
"What? You told me to start at the beginning."
He shook his head softly, sending you a kind smile as he said, "This mission was given to you immediately after the last one. In my medical opinion, you should've been given time to grieve the failure of-"
"I did not fail," you scoffed. "We successfully stopped the biological agent from being deployed into the party."
"Yet, in your mission report, you had wrote" - he searched through his papers for a brief moment before settling on one, tracing his finger over each word as he read - "'...and although the mission was marked as a success, it still feels like a pretty massive failure.'"
You crossed your arms over your chest once more, tightly, as you sent daggers towards the shrink in front of you. What you wouldn't give to wipe that unnecessary smile off his face. "Why do you want me to start somewhere irrelevant to the mission?"
"I want to know how your day started," he answered, folding his hands across the top of the papers in his lap. You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose in between your thumb and index finger as he added, "I want to understand what mindset you were in before you went to work."
"You know, I wasn't even planning on going into work. It just… happened."
He hummed thoughtfully for a moment before gesturing to you to continue.
The food you were cooking brought a delectable scent through the small house and you couldn't wait for it to be done. You cooked enough for both you and Wanda, knowing she always found comfort in food whenever she was down. Now you just had to wait for her to wake up.
You had opened your eyes this morning with her still tight in your arms, a feeling of warmth flooding through you when you realized that neither of you moved from the support of each other's bodies throughout the night. You shared a moment with her, one that she won't be able to deny.
You stepped away from cooking when there was a knock at the door, going over to open it and pausing when Vision was on the other side, a smile lighting up his features. "Good morning, Y/N," he greeted. "I'm here to pick up Wanda for our breakfast date."
Whelp… you thought you had a moment with her.
You opened your mouth to say something, but Wanda stepping up to your side made you purse your lips together. She sent you a small smile, her eyes bright as she looked at you and you couldn't help but let her expression muffle all the negative feelings you were experiencing in this moment.
"Hey, Vis," she greeted, turning back to look at him. "I'll meet you in the car, I just need to grab my jacket really quick." She pushed you back a little to close the door as he walked away, leaving you standing there as she moved to get her coat. "Are you cooking breakfast?" She glanced at you over her shoulder as she shrugged her jacket on, shoving her phone into her pocket. "It smells good."
You awkwardly stepped to the side, crossing your arms over your chest as your eyes casted to the floor beneath you.
The sudden mood change did not go unnoticed by her, releasing a sigh as she said, "If you want, I can cancel-"
"No," you expressed quickly, looking up at her. You shook your head, placing your hands on your hips. "I only made enough for me, anyway. You… go enjoy your date."
She smiled at you softly, placing a hand on your shoulder when she reached you. "Thank you… for last night. I don't think I would've been able to sleep if you hadn't been there for me." She brought you in a tight hug, freezing you in your stance. Your heartbeat picked up speed at being against her, your muscles locking underneath her touch, your face flushing as your cheeks burned up. The last thing you saw was her flash a smile before she quickly left.
She doesn't seem to notice the effects she has on you. There wasn't anything you could do about it, either. With her starting a relationship with Vision, you didn't want to stand in the way if he had the chance to make her happy. She deserves happiness after everything she's been through. And you weren't going to be the one to take that away from her.
Besides, she probably doesn't even feel the same way and you can't risk ruining the most valuable relationship you have.
The smell of something burning cut through your thoughts, your head snapping towards the kitchen to see the smoke rising from the pan, quickly running over to turn the stove off. You groaned at your burnt food, running your hands down your face. You were so caught up in your feelings that you had forgotten you were still cooking breakfast. Not that it matters, you were going to just eat alone now that Wanda was on a date and you're just not in the mindset for that.
You cleaned up the burnt mess and left the house. Where were you going? You'd find out when you get there.
You stared at Xavier, eyebrows pinched together now in annoyance. This man just couldn't let you finish a story, huh? "I'm not overcompensating for anything," you declared stubbornly. "You know, what's the point in telling you anything if you're just going to keep interrupting."
"Tell me, Y/N, why did you and Natasha Romanoff break up?"
You snorted, crossing your arms over your chest. "What? Is that little tidbit of information not in your folder?" You smiled at him, humorlessly smug, as he raised an eyebrow and leaned back into his chair. "I don't see how my relationship is-"
"You and Nat have been together for three years," he pointed out, glancing down really quick to scribble something on his papers, "a sudden break up can't have been good for you emotionally." He sighed, mindful of your silent reaction to his statement. You were fuming. "And your break up is the talk of the old mill, so there's no real, true way of escaping it. Not to mention you see her at work almost everyday."
"She cheated on me, if you absolutely must know." Your voice was a monotone, emotionless and flavorless. It's been five days since the break up and it still hurts to say those words out loud. They just bring up the moment that's branded into your brain, Bruce laying on top of Natasha underneath the covers, the sounds coming from behind the door, the look of regret on both of their faces.
"That must've hurt." For once, you were thankful for one of Xavier's thoughtless interruptions.
"It's been five days, I'm already over it," you stated. "Hell, I broke up with her a few hours after I caught them together, so-"
"With Bruce Banner, no? That's why you shot him?"
Your jaw clicked shut, clenching together tightly. At this point, he was just being a condescending douchebag. You were proud of the restraint you were putting on yourself, your hands tightening into fists in your lap. He knows it, too. The urge to punch him square in the jaw was tempting and you were close to snapping. The only thing preventing you from going through with it is the fact that you need to not be suspended. Distracting yourself from your emotions was easier to face them head on. "I shot him by accident." You know he's saying it to get a reaction out of you and, as much as you hated to admit it, it was working. "How did you know it was Bruce?"
He smiled softly at you. "You're overcompensating for the fact that Nat made you weak, so you're attaching to the person that makes you feel strong," he explained, clearly avoiding your question.
"Your feelings for Wanda Maximoff are clear," he stated. "How long have you two been friends?"
"Give or take five years."
He nodded. "And you're just now realizing those feelings?"
"Well… I was only thinking about Nat then." Your fingers uncurled from their fists, relaxing as you stretched them out, staring into space. Maybe he was right. Maybe you really were just attaching yourself to the person who has been there for you. The one who will always be there for you. "Wanda is… amazing. She's beautiful and loyal and an all around kind person and there isn't anything I wouldn't do for her."
Xavier smiled softly. "Let's continue with your day," he said, writing something down. You stretched your neck, trying to get a peek of what he has written, but there was no way of seeing over the top of the paper with that slant he has going on.
With a defeated sigh, you fell back further into the oddly comfortable couch and picked up where you left off.
You ended up at work. Shocking, right? You had settled for picking up a fast breakfast from the compound's kitchen after having completely charred your original food plans to the point where it was utterly unrecognizable, but when you walked into the kitchen, your steps faltered to a halt when you saw Natasha and Bruce sitting together at the table, holding a conversation that Natasha didn't seem fully focused on, her eyes completely zoned out as she stared at the empty space ahead of her.
You felt frozen to your current spot. All you had to do was turn around and walk a few feet to get away before they noticed your presence, but it was too late. Bruce looked up, his sentence catching in his throat, which drew Natasha's attention to what he was looking at. She stood up as she called out to you and you still couldn't find the part of your brain that controlled your legs.
"It's not what it looks like," she stated as she made her way to you, Bruce running a hand down his face as he remained seated at the table. He seems… frustrated? Was he annoyed that just your presence took Natasha away from the clearly boring conversation they were having?
You blinked slowly as she stopped walking a couple feet in front of you. You plastered a smile onto your face as you said, "It does not matter what it looks like. We're not together anymore, Nat, so you can date whoever you want." Even if it was the man that ruined our relationship. You felt a little piece of your heart break off at your own words. It was painful to see the glimmer in her eye - however small it was - completely disappear. Smile through the pain.
"We're… not dating," she assured you, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly. "We're doing a mission together."
"You don't have to explain yourself to me." You crossed your arms over your chest, hugging yourself. Just like being unable to move, you couldn't find it within yourself to tear your eyes away from her. Her beauty was unlike any other, nobody holding even the slightest of chances in beating her in a beauty contest…
She could see the true pain resting on your face despite the smile you're pulling off. Your eyes always showed the truth, the "windows to your soul" as Natasha always called them because, if anybody knew how to read them, they'd be able to read you like a book. And she knows how to read them. "Y/N, I really think we should talk about that kiss."
You blinked, pulling yourself out of the trance she unknowingly put you in. Clearing your throat, you shrugged casually. "There's nothing to talk about," you said. "It was just a shared kiss between two emotionally vulnerable people who were once in love long ago" - long ago being four days, which isn't really that long but it does feel like it's been forever - "and it won't happen again. Now, if you'll excuse me." You move around her, further into the kitchen to grab something quick without having to cook it, before walking back out of the room. You didn't even look to see what you had grabbed, more focused on getting out to be concerned with what food was in your hand.
After walking for a few moments, getting yourself as far away from the kitchen as possible, you leaned against the wall and doubled over, desperate to fill your lungs with air. You needed a distraction, something to keep your thoughts off the fact that a relationship between Bruce and Natasha was a possibility, something that hasn't even crossed your mind! You had let her go, foolishly thinking that she was going to suffer the loneliness and heartbreak like you were. But it was so fast! It's only been four days!
"What did that bagel do to you?" You looked up in surprise at the voice, relief flooding through you for just a moment when you spotted Tony standing to your side. You straightened your form as you suddenly became aware of how hard you were clenching your hand, bringing your hand up to see that you had strangled the bagel into multiple pieces.
With a sigh, you walked away in search of a trash can, but Tony was quick to follow you. "Sorry," you expressed. "I just have a lot on my mind."
"I know what could help with that," he offered, sending you a soft grin when you glanced at him. "I've been assigned on a mission that's starting in about half an hour, but I had something come up with Stark Industries. I know it's last minute, but-"
"I'm in." You tossed the bagel pieces into the trash can when you found one, wiping your hands free from crumbs.
"Y/N, it does involve-"
"I don't care what it involves," you interrupted, crossing your arms over your chest as you looked at him. "I need to get out of here." You need to get away from certain people. "Send me the file and you're free to go do whatever it is you need to do."
"You seemed awfully upset by how quickly Nat has moved on." You wondered what would happen if you gave in to temptation and punched him. Would you be praised or suspended? Possibly both. This dude was a condescending asshole and he was proud of that. He was definitely patronizing you, he was obvious about it. "Even so, she had to assure you that she hadn't."
"I'll tell you the same thing I told her because you're clearly not listening," you expressed slowly, leaning forward to rest your elbows against your knees. "Her and I are no longer dating, so I personally do not care who she is seeing now."
He pursed his lips together as he stared at you, an eyebrow raised. He clearly doesn't believe you, but at this rate it didn't matter. The only person who needed to believe you was yourself, that's what matters. And you can argue with him about this all day, you know what you're thinking and how you're feeling. He can't tell you otherwise.
"What did you do when you found out that you were given the mission that had both of them on it?" he questioned. Good, he was changing the subject. You didn't feel like arguing with him all day about it.
"I did what any normal, civilized human being who has their shit together would do," you answered.
"No." You turned to leave, not stopping even when you heard someone running after you. You felt them grab onto your forearm, tugging you to a hard stop. "Hell no," you stated when you turned to face Natasha. If you had known that this is what Tony was talking about, you wouldn't have cut him off. The mission involves Natasha and Bruce, the only two people in the universe you're trying to avoid.
"I didn't know you were on this mission," she said, placing her hands on her hips.
You pinched the bridge of your nose, your eyes squeezing shut. You wanted to leave, to continue walking away, but this was a favor for Tony and having a guy like Tony Stark owe you one is a lot of power. "Tony had something come up so he asked me to fill in at the last second." Your eyes opened and your hand returned to your side.
The thing with Tony is that he prefers everything to be on a screen, so he sent you the mission information to your phone, which you had full intention of reading on the car ride, though you absolutely hate it on your phone. Nothing beats the feeling of paper between your fingers. Well, now you're regretting not reading it beforehand. At least it wouldn't have been a complete surprise.
"We need a fourth person," she expressed, taking a small step closer to you. You sighed as you looked over her shoulder, eyeing Bruce sneaking glances at the two of you. "Banner needs to be on this mission, but I'm more than happy to find a replacement for myself if you-"
"It is fine," you stated. "We are all grown ups here, right? We can separate our work and personal lives like normal people."
She nodded enthusiastically. "Of course."
You gestured for her to walk, but she stepped to the side so she could be alongside you. The walk back to the Jeep was silent, though you were very aware of her right next to you. The subtle arm brushes, the quick glances back and forth, this was something that happened before the two of you started dating. The awkwardness of having feelings for each other and not acting on them. The lingering stares, the subconsciously leaning in, the excuses to be near each other. It was small things that other people have seemed to notice, things that you were oblivious to at the time. Now you were aware of the signs as you were still doing them.
"Here." Natasha seemed to have cut you out of your thoughts and you blinked, refocusing your eyes onto her to realize that you had reached the Jeep. She was holding out a folder to you, a small grin on her face as she said, "I know you don't like reading the file on your phone, so you can have mine."
You managed to stop the stupid, wide smile forming on your face as you took the folder from her hands, pursing your lips together and forcing your face to be somber. "Thanks." She nodded as she turned away from you, the smile slipping onto your face now that she was no longer looking at you.
The ride to the mission was sat in tense silence, strangling you, Natasha, and Bruce as a fourth agent drove the Jeep. You opted for the front as you quickly studied over the file-
"We've already been here," Xavier interrupted. You released a soft sigh, leaning into the couch as you rubbed your forehead. "Let's skip ahead. In the mission report-"
"Joke's on you, I didn't do the report for this mission," you stated confidently, crossing your arms over your chest in victory. He can't nitpick everything if he doesn't have anything to look at.
But you felt your confidence wavering when his smile didn't falter. "You weren't the only one on the mission, Y/N," he reminded you. Ugh, what was it going to take to get rid of that obnoxious smile? "According to the mission report, you and Nat spent some time alone. Tell me about that."
"Everything you need to know will be in the mission reports," you countered. "If you have one, why am I doing this?"
He pursed his lips together for a moment, watching you, analyzing you, and you fought against the instinct to fidget underneath his gaze. You clenched your jaw as he scribbled something onto the paper and you just had a feeling this session was going to end in bad news. "You didn't hand in a mission report. You're always late on those, aren't you?"
"Lately, sure," you agreed. "That doesn't necessarily mean anything." You used to be on top of the reports, handing them in within a day of completing the mission, but you soon found mission reports tedious and repetitive. And with the amount of missions you've stacked up on lately, one after the other, you've found yourself wanting to do them less and less. And they just built up at that point until Steve refused to give you any more missions until they were all done. "I was on time with the masquerade one."
"You did it while quarantined," he pointed out. "You didn't have much to do anyway."
"Alright, Mr. Know-It-All, can we get on with this session now?" You wondered how long it's been since he's sat down. It felt like you've been sitting on this sofa for hours, but you couldn't trust yourself on that. You stopped hearing the ticking a while ago, having faded into the background as he made you retrace yesterday's events. The session was only an hour long, but he hasn't called it yet. "There's no point in talking about mission reports. They don't have anything to do with what I'm feeling."
"And what are you feeling?"
You stared at him, eyebrows furrowed, and arms cross protectively over your chest. "I feel fine." He almost got you. You see his play now, bringing up small, unimportant things, interrupting your story to add his "medical opinion" to annoy the ever living shit out of you. He wants you to burst, to tell him every single thing that's on your mind. Hell, he probably even wants you to give in to the desire to bruise his happy face. He wants you to do something to let him mark you as "emotionally unavailable", to let him mark you down as “not ready”. You weren't going to let him get to you. "Let's get this over with."
Splitting up has always been the worst thing people can do in any situation, but it seemed good to you now that you don’t have to be in the presence of Natasha and Bruce. You were stuck with Natasha, traveling through the abandoned halls of an old school that seemed to have been forgotten centuries ago, with its crumbling walls and torn apart floors, the wall of lockers clearly in need of some WD-40 and TLC. This place brought back the worst parts of your high school years, something you don’t really want to look back on.
The two of you swept the halls, keeping a sharp eye out for any unfamiliar faces with your gun loose in your hand by your side. You had tried to go along with the one in the group that you didn’t have any beef with, but they all thought it would be better for the boys to be alone. You’ve never heard such bull shit before, but they were already walking away before you could pull yourself out of trying to lower your IQ to understand their logic. Now all you have to hope for is that Natasha just doesn’t want to talk. Hopefully, your silence was enough for her to deter her out of whatever she wants to say.
“Do you want to talk about the mission?” Ah, clearly silence was too much to wish for. Though this was not the subject you expected her to bring up.
“I’m sure Bruce already told you everything there is to know about it,” you commented softly, pausing to peek your head into an empty classroom before continuing down the hall.
She shook her head. “Not that mission. The search and rescue.”
Your steps slowed to a stop as you breathed out quickly, looking over at her to see that she had paused as well. What was the other subject if she didn’t want to just sulk in silence? Probably nothing you wanted to hear. “Why?”
“We always tell each other about our assignments,” she answered. “One of us would come home and we’d sit on the couch, cuddle together while some… so-bad-it’s-good movie played, but we never really watched it.” Because you were too busy talking about your operation and she was too busy listening to focus on the movie, or vice versa. It became one of your favorite things to do after a mission, to unwind in her arms or to have her de-stress in yours.
“Yeah, we couldn’t really do that last time because I caught you in bed with someone else,” you replied flatly, tearing your eyes away from her when you saw her face fall. You marched onward, your jaw clenching tightly with frustration. You don’t ever see yourself getting past this.
“The first time, we were beyond drunk and alone,” she explained as she followed behind you. You rolled your eyes, trying to block her out, but your mind had always been tuned to the frequency of her that you couldn’t.
“The second time, I was foolish enough to think I felt something with him,” she continued, ignoring your wish. Your eyes burned with unshed tears, but you continued walking. Your free hand tightening into a fist while your other hand gripped the handle of your gun tightly. “Turns out, I was just feeling guilty for cheating on you. Which only led me to feeling more remorse.”
She released a breath and, for a split second, you thought she had actually listened to you. “The third time, he was just… there.”
You completely froze. Your legs stopped moving, your muscles tensing, and your brain didn’t seem to be responding to anything. She felt so guilty for cheating on you that she just had to do it two more times. Or so she says. She could’ve done it plenty of more times and she could just be sugar-coating it. You wouldn’t know, you just have to take her word for it. “You’re not making it easy for me to forgive you,” you said, your voice just above a whisper. If you went any louder, your voice would crack and you don’t want her to know that you’re that weak right now.
“I’m telling you everything,” she replied just as quietly, staring at the back of your head in hopes that you’ll turn and look at her. “I’m clearing the air. I’ve done a stupid, stupid thing, Y/N, and I know there’s no taking it back. I know how much I hurt you, how much I broke your heart and your trust. It was never my intention to do that to you and I promise that I’ll never hurt you again.”
“I know,” she whispered and you didn’t realize that she had gotten closer to you, not processing her quiet footsteps. “I know you need time. Don’t worry, I can wait. For you, I’ll wait forever. If that’s what it takes for you to forgive me.”
Your heart skipped a beat. Were you really falling for this? Wanda would be greatly disappointed in you right now, giving in to your cheating ex with the possibility of her just turning around and doing it again. There was no full way to trust Natasha’s words, but her actions were different.
You were right, this wasn’t anything you wanted to hear. Talking about your failed mission would be better than this. “We were assigned to search for and rescue one of the congress members,” you started, turning around to face her. “He and his family were kidnapped by a couple of terrorists. We had his location. All we had to do was go there and extract them.”
Natasha stepped closer to you, her eyes gentle and face soft. She wanted to bring you into her arms, to comfort you while you cried because, by the looks of it, you were on the verge of crying. But she kept her arms to her sides, helpless.
"And that's what we did, Nat," you continued. "We went in there, fought like hell to get to them, and we extracted them. Or so we thought." You couldn't stop the singular tear from escaping your eye at the memory, the weakness you're feeling is mirroring that of the same weakness you had felt that night. And you hated it. You hated her seeing you this weak now, not having the energy to hide it anymore. She doesn't deserve to see you so… broken.
She moved closer to you until she was only inches away. Her hands twitched, showing you just how badly she wanted to pull you into her while at the same time displaying her restraint. This was only making her hate herself even more, her jaw clenching in anger towards her own stupidity. What has she done? Why did she have to ruin something so perfect?
"We almost got to the Quinjet," you said once you managed to find your voice. "We almost made it… but they were waiting for us. A lot of them. And I should've seen it coming, but I didn't. They caught us off guard, opening fire on anything that moved and I…" Your instinct was to save Wanda, grabbing onto her and pulling her to the ground. By the time she processed what was happening, by the time she used her powers… it was all over. "His whole family, dead. And it's… my fault."
"No." Natasha shook her head, scratching that itch to bring your face into her hands and you felt yourself nearly break underneath her hold. "It's not your fault, you hear me? You did everything right."
You sucked in a shaky breath, your face red and puffy, eyes burning with unshed tears. It was clear to her that you needed her more that night than ever before. And you didn't need to say it again for her to finally understand; you were dealing with the demons of the failed mission while she was in bed with another, being ignorant towards you.
"I'm so sorry, Y/N," she whispered, swiping your cheeks with her thumbs. "I'm sorry you had to go through that alone."
"I needed you," you confessed quietly, looking into her eyes as you seemingly fell into her another trance, "but you weren't there."
"I know, baby, and I'm sorry." Her eyes stung, her nose grew red, and she suddenly looked just as broken as you felt in the passing five seconds.
The sound of footsteps made you become more aware of your surroundings, remembering why exactly you were in the middle of a school hallway. You turned, gun raised, as two masked faces rounded the corner. And when you saw the flash of a gun in one of their hands, you reacted fast as you didn't hesitate to pull the trigger, two shots bringing them both down.
Natasha sent you a look you didn't meet as she wandered over to the bodies slowly, gripping the handle of your gun tightly as one of them still seemed to be kicking, preparing to shoot if necessary. You took a step forward as she kneeled down next to the one coughing, removing the mask and you felt a wave of nausea hit you when Bruce was revealed.
Your eyes widened as they wandered to the body laying near him, unmoving. You felt sick, your stomach twisting tightly and uncomfortably as Natasha tried to stop Bruce's bleeding, a hand going to his cheek as she assured him that he's going to be fine, but she didn't know that for sure and he knew that.
You felt yourself stumbling towards the other body, not wanting to lift the mask but knowing you have to. You fell to your knees when you reached it, your hand trembling as you tugged the mask off and your heart sinking when you met the cold gaze of the other agent.
You ran your hands down your face in hopes to smother the tears forming in the brim of your eyes. The doctor didn't need to interrupt you this time, you pulled yourself out of the story. But he remained quiet as he watched you ride the rollercoaster of emotions once again, leaning your head against the back of the sofa as the ticking of the clock above you reached your ears once more. Tick, tick, tick, tick. The noise was surprisingly soothing as it seemed to match the current rate of your slow heartbeat.
"You shot the agent-"
"Jones," you interrupted, your eyes still casted up towards the ceiling. "The agent had a name, and it was Kyle Jones."
Xavier cleared his throat and nodded to himself. "You shot Kyle in self-defense."
"It doesn't matter." He's dead and you've been killing yourself over it ever since. You wanted to be the one to tell his wife, but when you looked into her eyes… you froze right in front of her. You had to be escorted out of the room, a different agent informing her of the terrible news and you had secretly hoped they threw you under the bus, but you knew they didn't. "There's no use in… trying to dignify it."
"Bruce and Kyle were wearing the masks to blend in with the enemy. You and Natasha were on the side that wasn't guarded whereas they-"
"I get it," you stated, picking your head up to look at him. "We got lucky."
He sighed. "Y/N, have you spoken to Nat since the mission?"
You looked away from him, down at your hands. "She's been by Bruce this entire time and I'm sure he doesn't want to see me."
"Bruce isn't mad or upset and he's not pressing anything against you," he assured. "He understands that it was a mistake."
"A mistake that got someone killed," you declared, your head snapping back up to him. Maybe you should be suspended. You weren't in a clear mindset during that moment in the school, having just heard why Natasha hooked up with Bruce right before reliving the most terrible mission of the month. If you didn't think your life could fall apart even more, boy were you absolutely wrong.
"And there was no way of knowing they were friendly." He sighed softly, the smile finally fading away from his face. "Y/N, according to your other missions, you were always the "ask questions first" kind of agent. Why was this moment different?"
"They caught me off guard," you answered, sniffling. "I was…" - you sighed - "distracted." Distracted by Natasha, the look in her eye that always sent shivers down your spine, the closeness of her that you haven't experienced in what felt like forever. She drew your thoughts away from the mission and she hasn't done that to you before.
He stared at you for a moment, the seconds seeming to drag the longer he was silent. And the look you saw in the man's eye told you that you really didn't want to hear what he had to say next. "You could play it off that you're fine, Y/N, but it's clear to me that you're not over her."
This is what he's getting at? You just confessed to killing a fellow agent, wounding another, and he wants to talk about your feelings about Natasha? Was he really getting paid for this?
You fell for it either way, anger boiling in your chest as your eyebrows knitted together tightly. "Of course I'm not over her!" you exclaimed defensively. "I planned on proposing to her, Doc! I was ready to make her my forever only to find out that I was just… nothing. I wasn't anything to her. Just something to… to pass the time, I guess." And you were being selfish, wishing she was next to you and not him. "She broke my heart beyond repair and I… still want her. I'm falling apart, man. My entire world just vanished before my eyes and there wasn't anything I could do about it! One second she was mine, the next…" Your voice caught in your throat and you squeezed your eyes shut, shaking your head. "I feel bad for shooting Bruce. I feel terrible for killing Kyle. But please… don't suspend me. I need this."
You opened your eyes when you heard him stand up, looking up at him as he hovered above you. He sighed deeply, heavily, as if he was regretting his next statement as he closed the folder in his hand and tucked it underneath his arm. You felt your heart drop to your stomach before he even started. "Agent Y/N, at this time, I do not find you emotionally fit to continue on in your current position," he stated and you leaned forward, placing your elbows against your knees and your face into your hands. "I'm going to recommend an official suspension with more visits to me until further notice. This concludes the end of this session."
You were emotionally drained. You don't remember leaving the compound and making it back to Wanda's house. You don't remember mindlessly scouring the house for any and all pillows and blankets to build yourself a little fort in the living room, moving the coffee table out of the way for more space in your home within a home.
You find out you get suspended and the first thing you do is go home and make a pillow fort. That's how broken you were. And that's why you find yourself agreeing with Xavier's final diagnosis. Because you didn't cry, tears formed pools in your eyes, but none escaped their prison during that almost two hour session, you were just… emotionless.
You don't really know how long you've been laying in the middle of your fort on the floor with the TV droning on in the background, and you were pretty sure you managed to doze off as the sound of the front door opening stirred you awake from the dreamless slumber you were unaware you fell into. You sighed softly when you heard her keys jangle as she set them down, footsteps disappearing towards her bedroom before she doubled back into the living, as if she didn’t process the giant fort the first time she entered the house.
“Y/N?” You didn’t move at her voice, didn’t even blink. The blanket above you shook as she moved the blanket door to the side so she could peek her head in. “May I enter?”
“What’s the password?” Your voice was robotic, the weight of the past few days finally getting to you and she saw that. You tried to be playful, but it just came off as forced. She came in either way, crawling into the space and moving to lay next to you. Her forearm rubbed against yours, but she rested her hands on her stomach. The TV gave you both enough light to see inside the fort.
“What happened?” You could feel her eyes on you, soft and gentle and worried, but you couldn’t find it in yourself to turn your head to look at her.
“What makes you think something happened?”
She stared at you for a moment, her eyes scanning the side of your face. "Y/N, I'm pretty sure you won't be sitting underneath an impressive pillow fort if nothing happened."
"You think my fort's impressive?"
You laughed humorlessly before it faded into a deep sigh. You didn't want to bring her mood down with your bad news. She seemed happy now, more relaxed. “How was your date?” Her third date with Vision, going out for dinner after they finished a simple assignment while you were talking to Xavier.
She sighed thoughtfully, turning her head so she was now looking up at the blanket above you. "It was good." She moved her arms back to her sides and you felt the air leave your lungs when her hand rested casually over yours, partly. She didn't seem to notice as she didn't move her hand away from yours.
"It must be weird." You had to keep her talking, not wanting to go back to the subject of you.
You didn't need to look at her to see the grin, you could hear it in her voice as she said, "What is?"
"Well, he doesn't eat, so he's just sitting there, watching you."
She laughed lightly, bubbles rising in your chest at the sound. "Honestly, it is a little weird now that you mention it," she confessed. But it's clearly worth it considering they've already been on three dates, no doubt there being a fourth.
"Although, I bet it saves money since he doesn't need to order anything. Guess you can say he's a cheap date." A genuine laugh came from the back of your throat when she playfully smacked you on the shoulder with her opposite hand, the one on top of your remaining there.
You couldn't help but think back to what your shrink said. Overcompensating. You weren't overcompensating for anything. The warm feeling running through your veins right now with Wanda's hand on top of yours was sparking desires throughout your body, desires you couldn't act on for many reasons. One being that she's seeing Vision now, not that it's exclusive or anything… yet. Another being that it seems too fast after Natasha and you need to give yourself time to grieve the loss of a three year relationship. You didn't want Wanda to think that you're just rebounding.
"I killed an agent yesterday."
Out of all the ways you could possibly die, you never thought silence was one of them. But here you were, suffocating in the thick layer of quietness swirling through the air, stuck underneath a damn pillow fort. Your instinct was to fidget, but with her hand still partially laying over yours, it sent a wave of serenity through you. You could endure the silence as she processed your out of the blue, bottom of the barrel words.
Oh, you almost forgot. "I also shot Bruce." And Natasha hasn't left his side since. Or at least you haven't seen her. She could be avoiding you. Which should put you at ease, but for some reason it didn't. Though you definitely should probably apologize to Bruce. Not that an apology is going to go a long way with his bullet hole.
You know what? You're not going to apologize to him. He shouldn't have been strutting around in that mask. Plus, where was the Hulk? You thought that green monster was supposed to save Bruce from being harmed, but he was an absolute no show at the time.
And, if you're going to be honest with yourself, the man kinda deserved it in your opinion.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
How could you tell her if you haven't seen her since she went to breakfast with Vision yesterday? It wasn't something to say over the phone, and it definitely wasn't a casual text. Is this how she felt when you started dating Natasha? Left behind and forgotten?
You didn't answer her question, but that didn't stop her from mulling it over in her head. When she realized the answer, her eyes widened with sorrow as she looked at you. "Y/N-"
"It's fine, Wanda," you assured, bringing your hand out from under hers. It made your skin cold, having warmed underneath her touch. You crossed your hands over your stomach as you sighed, shaking your head.
But she was being stubborn, her own head shaking in denial. "No, it's not. You're going through a lot of things and I should be here for you, not flaunting around with Vision."
Your eyes fluttered closed, blocking the oncoming tears from escaping. You didn't want to be the reason why she wasn't out enjoying her life. Your problems are just that, yours. She didn't need to carry the burden of them, yet here she is, offering you her shoulder so you could place your issues onto it.
You sat up, your head brushing against the top of the fort as you released a heavy breath. You didn't look at her, you couldn't look at her. If you look at her, you'll break and you don't want to break. You don’t want to show the weakness that’s trying to break out of you, the feeling of hopelessness and despair hammering away at the brave face you’re trying so hard to cling onto. It’s exhausting putting up this fight. You don’t want her to think you’re weak despite drowning in the memory of catching the love of your life in the arms of another. So you bite your tongue.
“I’ve dealt with worse and survived,” you stated, hugging your knees to your chest. “I can get through this.”
Wanda sat up as well, crossing her legs as she placed a gentle hand on your elbow. “There’s nothing worse than watching the person you love show that love to someone else.”
Now, how the hell are you supposed to keep up your bravado act when she says shit like that? You suck in a deep, slow breath and nod your head absentmindedly. There wasn’t anything you could say in this moment, letting the silence wrap around the two of you gently. Her thumb dragged itself across your skin and you finally turned your head to look at her. Her face was closer than you had thought, taking you off guard as you lost yourself once more into her eyes. Your breath hitched in your throat as she sent you a soft smile, a smile that caused your stomach to do flips and your heart to flutter. You see what the appeal Vision saw in her was. She was the popular girl in school and it’s a wonder why Vision was the only one chasing her. One in a million. Everybody would do anything to be with her. Or to fool around maybe.
But to you? Well, just a kiss would be crazy.
“I’m gonna get some sleep.” The abruptness in her voice pulled you out of your thoughts and it was at that moment that you realized that the two of you had gotten closer to each other, your faces mere centimeters apart before she pulled away. “I have an early start tomorrow.”
“Another breakfast date with the android?” you asked softly as she looked at you over her shoulder, a grin covering her face as she continued to crawl out of the fort. That didn’t really answer your question.
“Are you going to work tomorrow?” she questioned instead, talking a bit louder so you could hear her.
“No,” you answered, looking down at your hands. “I’m off.”
The fort was going to have to come down. She’s going to want her pillows and blankets back for her bed and those were the ones supporting the entire thing. But until then, you were going to enjoy the serenity this little structure brought you as you laid back down.
It wasn’t long after that the entire thing was soon collapsing onto you, hearing Wanda’s laughter fade away into her bedroom.
By the time you woke up, Wanda was gone, though her car was still in the driveway. Vision must’ve come to pick her up, which only brought down your mood even more. Being suspended allows you to have your mind free from the stress the job brings, but it gives you more space for the stress your personal life brings. You feel as if the pillow fort last night collapsing on you was a good representation of your life right now.
Suspension didn’t prevent you from showing up at the compound. As long as you avoided Steve and your shrink, you’d be fine. Besides, you’re pretty sure being home alone right now is not going to make anything better. You’re still going to be suspended, along with getting drowned in your thoughts.
You were mindlessly wandering the halls, tapping away on a tablet as you filled out the report for the mission at the school. It gave you a distraction… sort of. Not a distraction away from Kyle, but one away from Natasha and Wanda. And a distraction from your pathing because you bumped into somebody, nearly dropping the tablet. You mumbled an apology, looking up to see who you bumped into give you a look before walking around you. Your eyes remained forward, caught in a trance when you saw Wanda and Vision talking to each other, their bodies close together as he nearly had her pinned against the wall. Your finger hovered above the tablet’s screen, frozen in your position as Wanda’s laugh reached your ears.
Somebody joined your side and sighed out thoughtfully, but you didn’t look to see who it was. You just couldn’t tear your eyes away from Wanda’s bright smile, your stomach taking a spin on a rollercoaster.
“When’s the right time to tell somebody you love them?”
Your eyes flashed towards Vision at their question, sadness overtaking your body as you gave them an answer, “Before somebody else does.” You glanced towards the person before looking back down at the tablet. It took you a moment to process who exactly it was - his voice wasn’t registering in your mind - but when you did realize who it was, you squeezed your eyes shut and let out a deep breath.
“Come with me,” Steve ordered as he walked away from you.
You hugged the tablet to your chest as you turned to follow him, a soft groan escaping the back of your throat. You were unaware of Wanda’s eyes watching your retreating form.
You followed Steve into his office, watching as he sat down at his desk. He said nothing as he typed away on his computer, acting as if you weren’t in the room as well. You crossed your arms over your chest, wondering what exactly he was going to say. He caught you on the grounds when you’re supposed to be suspended. But you knew what he was doing, he wanted you to be the one to say something first, but you weren’t going to give him the satisfaction. You could sit here in the silence as long as it took for him to break it. You had nothing to do today, you were suspended. You were free. He, on the other hand, had better things to do than to play this cat and mouse game with you.
But there was something you wanted to ask him. He caught you staring at Wanda and asked about love. How did he know? The only person who truly knows about your newfound feelings about Wanda was your therapist, but there’s a doctor-patient confidentiality rule… right?
“How much did he tell you?” you asked, sitting down in the chair placed on the side of his desk. He glanced at you for a moment before returning to the computer screen in front of him. You placed the tablet in your lap.
“He didn’t tell me anything.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Rogers,” you declared. He sighed heavily before turning to face you fully. You could see the clear annoyance on his face just like he could see the clear anger on yours. “I’m really not in the mood to play games. If he didn’t tell you anything, how did you know to ask me that question?”
“I see the way you look at her, Y/N,” he told you, giving you a pointed look. “You’ve always looked at her like that.”
“Like what?” you scoffed.
“Like… you could look at her for the rest of your life,” he answered, casually shrugging. “The world could crumble and you wouldn’t blink.”
You rolled your eyes, falling back further into the chair and leaning your elbow across the top of his desk. You picked at your fingernails, avoiding his gaze. “You’re ridiculous.”
“You look at Romanoff the same way,” he pointed out, “except you were more obvious about it.” You looked back at him, furrowing your eyebrows, but you didn’t have time to question him about it before he turned back to his computer. “I didn’t bring you in here to talk about your love life, Y/N. Do you have an appointment with Dr. Woods today?”
“No,” you foolishly answered.
“Then you shouldn’t be here,” he said. “You’re suspended.”
“Yeah, not banned,” you countered. “I can be on the premises, I just can’t go on missions. Besides, I was doing the mission report.” You picked up the tablet to wave it at him, earning another look from him. “Isn’t that what you want?”
“I want you to better yourself, Y/N, and burying yourself in work is not helping anybody,” he said, looking at you once again. “Do you think I wanted to suspend you?”
“No,” he snapped, shaking his head. “You’re a great agent, Y/N, a good aspect to the team, but your head isn’t in the game right now. And I know breaking up with Nat so suddenly isn’t helping anything either.”
You huff, dropping the tablet onto his desk.
He released a breath as he leaned towards you. “I know your life was just suddenly uprooted and you’re trying to adjust, and I’m sorry for everything that’s going on, but don’t you think the best way to do that is when you’re not in a life or death situation?”
“I think the best way to get over the break up is to let me shoot some bad guys,” you said.
“Go home, Y/N,” he ordered, turning away from you once more. “The next time I see you on the grounds when you don’t have an appointment with Dr. Woods, I’ll arrest you myself.”
“You must be so fun outside of work, Rogers,” you stated before leaving his office. You passed the war room on the way out, catching a glimpse of Natasha sitting at the table through the window and you found yourself doubling back when you thought you saw Wanda sitting next to her. And you were right. Natasha and Wanda were sitting side by side at the table, looking over some files, and you didn’t know which one to stare at.
Natasha’s head was down, reading the papers in front of her and causing her short, curly hair to partly cover her face, but you could see the random, little nose scrunch that caused your heart to skip a beat. Wanda was looking over Natasha’s head, seemingly listening intently to something someone was saying, you couldn’t see them with the positioning of the window. But the way her tongue flicked out to lick her lips, her bottom lip getting caught between her teeth…
Your thoughts were pulled away so fast when Bruce walked into view, standing in between the two women to reach over and point at something amongst the papers in front of them. But you couldn’t wrap your head around what feelings were going through your body right now before Vision came into view as well, sitting in the chair next to Wanda. His hand rested on her opposite shoulder as he used his other one to reach for a folder.
You were gone by the time Wanda looked up at the window.
You didn’t leave the compound. Instead, you found yourself outside of Dr. Woods’s office, banging a tight fist against his closed door. You knew he was here - you checked for his car in the parking lot when you first got here - so you weren’t going to leave until he answered. And when he did answer, you pushed through to get into the room. “They were all together! All four of them! Shouldn’t he be healing? He was just shot for crying out loud! I mean, why don’t they just… go on a double date? I bet that’d be fun! They could-” Your voice caught in your throat when you saw somebody sitting on his couch, tears staining their face as they looked at you, bewildered.
“Y/N,” Xavier sighed, pursing his lips as you turned to look at him. “We don’t have a session today.”
“I know that.”
He sighed once more, glancing at the clock hanging above the couch. “If you’d like, I’ll be free in ten minutes.” He crossed his arms over his chest. “You’re more than welcome to wait outside-”
“No, no, I should leave.” You turned back to the person on the couch, sending them an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry for interrupting.”
“Y/N-” He sighed when you rushed past him, closing the door behind you as you left.
This time, you left the compound, but you didn’t want to go back to Wanda’s. You didn’t know what you wanted, all the thoughts of possible places you could go were not appealing to you. But seeing as there was nothing else to do, nowhere else to go, you did end up going back to Wanda’s.
And you were alone once again, being left with just your thoughts and an empty house.
I’m opening up a tag list! Shoot me an ask or slide into my DMs if you want to be tagged when I release a story with a pairing that suits your needs. Make sure you are very specific with all the pairings you want!
Also, I’m experimenting with the layout of my stories, so pay no mind if you see subtle changes! Love you. All of you. So much. Thank you for the support, it means a lot to lil ol’ me.
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