#charlie’s acting gives me fear for the scenes I KNOW he needs to film in the future

[livingfandomly]

The bitter cold rage in Luke’s eyes after Percy hit him by mistake was high key scary

#charlie’s acting gives me fear for the scenes I KNOW he needs to film in the future #he shall break my soul (in half) and and crush my heart (like a grape) #charlie bushnell #luke castellan #percy jackson #percy jackon and the olympians #percy jackson tv show #percy jackson spoilers #percy jackson fandom #pjo #pjo luke #pjo tv finale #pjo ep 8 #pjo tv show #pjo tv series #walker scobell

[emarasmoak]

The Rings of Power: Charlie Vickers on That Monster Revelation

This is probably the most insightful interview I have read about Charlie's understanding of his character' motivations.

Taking a break from Season 2 production outside London, Charlie Vickers discussed the big revelation about his character and what it means for Halbrand’s relationship with Galadriel (Morfydd Clark).

When he auditioned for the Amazon prequel series “The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power,” Charlie Vickers did not know he would be playing two roles: the conflicted human Halbrand and the ultimate deceiver, Sauron. But he began to have suspicions early on.

During his audition, he was asked to read pieces from William Shakespeare’s “Richard III” and John Milton’s “Paradise Lost” — “literally auditioning as Satan,” he recalled by phone on Thursday, just hours before the Season 1 finale dropped overnight, on Friday. “That was a bit of a clue.”

But it wasn’t until filming was about to resume for the third episode (after a Covid production hiatus) that the series’s showrunners, Patrick McKay and J.D. Payne, took Vickers to the set for an evil fortress, turned to him and said, “Hail, Lord Sauron.”

“That was a seminal moment for me,” Vickers said.

While he missed out on playing the spiky armored version of the dark lord in the show’s prologue in Episode 1 (“I wish that was me!” he said), Vickers went all-in on his Sauron studies, reading “The Silmarillion” in its entirety and combing through obscure passages in Tolkien’s Legendarium as part of his “subconscious work.”

How does it feel to be the answer to the question tormenting the internet? Or if you’re Sauron, maybe you enjoy tormenting the internet.

"[Laughs.] Exactly. Maybe there has been some kind of sick enjoyment that I’ve been getting. Luckily, I’ve managed to stay off the internet, but it’s been hard to avoid. I’ve had friends guessing and telling me I’m Sauron ever since the second episode, which I’ve not been able to confirm or deny. So it’s a relief."

"What’s been so interesting about the show is that it doesn’t shy away from the lore. For the people who know, there are little Easter eggs or hints here and there. When you look back to the second episode, you’re like, “OK, that makes sense in the grand scheme of things.” So I think it’s great that there’s been so much debate."

You once mentioned that you found useful things in Tolkien’s letters, although you didn’t specify which ones. I took that as a possible reference to the period in which Sauron sought redemption. But then the showrunners talked recently about another way to read Sauron-as-Halbrand: as a power addict. What was it that you found in Tolkien that helped shape your portrayal?

"I think the repentant Sauron is a really interesting thing. But I like to leave it ambiguous because it was ambiguous in Tolkien’s writing, such as in Letter 131, and in “Morgoth’s Ring,” in the History of Middle-earth series. He spoke of Sauron repenting “if only out of fear.” I think his repentance is fascinating — and this is why I don’t want to say necessarily how I interpreted it as an actor — because it creates two different [possibilities] for Halbrand."

"If you look at him as if he’s genuinely repentant, and he wants to escape this dark path and live as someone who’s been humbled, then Galadriel inadvertently draws him back to this power. She says to him in the smithery, “There’s no peace here,” and that scene illuminates this whole idea for him of: “Well, you’re right, there is no peace for me as a regular person. My peace is in power. I need to rule. I need to lead.” And she literally gives him the keys to the kingdom and sends him back down the rabbit hole. That is, if you view him as repenting genuinely."

"But, if you view his repentance as an act, then it leans more into his deception, and his deception of her, in that she’s a tool for him to get back to where he wants to be. You rarely see Halbrand alone before the finale, save for this moment when he’s in the smithery, staring at his pouch, making his decision. Otherwise, you mostly see him through the eyes of other characters."

And yet he’s about to cry in that moment by himself.

"I always like to think that in shape-shifting, the best way to deceive is to fully take on the form of what you’re trying to portray: thinking, feeling, living, breathing as a human man. Only through a wholehearted embodiment of his form could he deceive these massively influential figures. This is even when he’s by himself, because the gods are always watching. And we know that he fears the gods; we know that he’s scared. Because Tolkien says that explicitly."

"He can use Galadriel as a tool. She knows the right people. She gets into the right rooms. If he’s by her side, it can only lead to good things, as long as he remains undiscovered. So I made a decision as the best way for me to approach it, to make it real for me. And let people interpret it as they will."

Did you decide for yourself about a lot of little details? Like, what’s in his pouch? Why was he at sea? Was his injury was self-inflicted so that Galadriel would take him to the elves?

"I have a belief about what’s in the pouch, but I won’t share that. Him being at sea may or may not be explored farther down the line. The injury, yes, I think he wounds himself, because he was very aware of what was coming. He thought he had stopped it, but he knows there’s only one way to get out of this mess. He risks this Halbrand form to get to the elves because he understands that the only way he can be healed is through their power and magic."

Do you think he wanted Galadriel to figure it out?

"Yes. He’s ready for her to see him for who he is, and he thinks she’s ready to know it. He makes this pitch to her, and it’s so closely linked to the mirror of Galadriel in “The Fellowship of the Ring.” It gives it an interesting context, I think."

He offers to make her his queen. Is that a marriage proposal?

"That’s something I thought about a lot, but I don’t think so. W.H. Auden wrote an essay on Tolkien, and he said something along the lines of, “Evil loves only itself.” [“Evil, defiantly chosen, can no longer imagine anything but itself.”] So I think in his pitch to Galadriel, it cannot mean that he loves her or that there’s any kind of romantic relationship. There should be no ambiguity around the fact that Sauron is evil — he’s terrible, and he’s using Galadriel to enhance his power."

"Throughout the season, she shows him a different way of ruling and maybe illuminates some things for him. So in making that pitch, I think he’s saying, “Join me and we can rule, and I can coordinate everything and rehabilitate Middle-earth.” But having said that, I also think he would have gotten there anyway without her. He would have descended back into evil. It was inevitable."

Haladriel shippers will despair.

"[Laughs.] Shipping, by the way, is actually a word that Morfydd taught me! Hopefully people will see that any kind of romantic feeling, which couldn’t exist, vanishes into thin air."

What’s the plan going forward, given that Sauron is a shape-shifter?

"There are a lot of twists and turns coming with the character of Sauron. We know that [his disguise as] Annatar is such a massive part of this world, and the prospect of that is really exciting to me. I can’t say much more than that."

"I love that cloak so much! I didn’t get to keep it, unfortunately. I have one gift that was given to me by one of the stunt guys, Daniel Andrews, which is a T-shirt printed with an artist’s image of Halbrand doing the sword flip on the back. That’s Danny’s trick; he’s had it in his stunt arsenal for 30 years, and he’s been trying to get it into a show for 30 years. There’s been nothing released with Halbrand, so I haven’t dared to wear it, even around the house. But that’s the coolest souvenir."

Annatar is the lord of gifts. Did you get or give any gifts on set? Maybe that wonderful hooded cloak you wear to Mordor?

#halbrand #galadriel #haradriel #the rings of power #charlie vickers #trop #trop interviews #trop speculation #sauron

[she-of-seidhr]

Some half-baked thoughts on Rings of Power Season 1.

First of all, the time compression sucks. I fear it will rob us of the opportunity to fully see the breadth and depth of Sauron’s brilliance in the Second Age. It feels too slow because of unnecessary plotlines, and then too fast where we need the meat (and we need it raw).

My verdict is it’s a watchable, somewhat decent first season with the writing being subpar where it actually matters, and overall just more lows than highs really, but I’d like to think they’ll learn from it and it’ll get better.

Major props to Charlie Vickers’ portrayal of Halbrand AND Sauron. He was in my opinion the consistently brilliant star of the show.

Also, love to Joseph Mawle’s Adar, Lloyd Owen’s Elendil, Owain Arthur’s Durin IV, and yeah, Charles Edwards’ grandpa Celebrimbor. No weak scene from any of them.

I still hate how Finrod looked like but Will Fletcher’s performance was pretty great.

Surprisingly, one of the weakest actors for me was Morfydd Clark. She seems to be having a difficult time acting out pain, anguish, and frustration, and her facial expressions bothered me.

I hate hate hate what they’ve done with Gil-galad so far. Fuck. Galadriel’s arc should have been his minus all the pointed rage and overt stupidity. He has a named weapon for fuck’s sake! But hey, girl power. I don’t even know how people can defend the worst tendencies they gave Galadriel by saying that’s her arc. If the showrunners can’t find a way to mesh her pride/desire for power vs. wisdom conflict (that’s ALWAYS been what her journey is all about) with whatever other things they had in mind, then they’re not really doing a very good job. 

Continuing with girlboss G, stripping away her feminine strengths and replacing them with a sword which is a literal symbol of male power doesn’t send the message you think it does, Amazon. Stunning and brave  how you gave her a slight Madwoman in the Attic/Cassandra of Troy vibes in a world chiefly ruled by men who dismiss her concerns and push her aside. That’s the activist Tolkien “experts” peeking through right there.

I don’t care enough about the others, except maybe Maxim Baldry’s Isildur because I hated the false perception the original film trilogy gave the audience. Robert Aramayo as Elrond is ok, but still a better Ned.

Way too much PJ callbacks, it’s as if they know they have to rely on the nostalgia to win people over

GIVE ME CELEBORN AND CIRDAN YOU FUCKS, Glorfindel too pls

#rings of power #the lord of the rings #j.r.r. tolkien #sauron #gil-galad #galadriel #celebrimbor #isildur #elendil #numenor #halbrand #adar #elrond #finrod #still going to watch season 2 if i manage to care enough during the 2 year gap #The Silmarillion

[entertainment]

Entertainment Spotlight: Mattea Conforti, NOS4A2

Millie is the daughter of vampire Charlie Manx—can you tell us a bit about her? What made the role fun to play?

Millie Manx is a very interesting character to play.  She is definitely strong and unafraid of a lot of things.  She can be mean and even deadly, and she takes a lot of cues from her father, Charlie Manx.  She is very devoted to her father, and she will do anything to please him.  However, there is also a side of Millie, and it especially emerges this season, where she begins to question all that she knows.  She starts to develop real fears of losing her father, and she also starts to emerge as a true leader.  This role is both really fun and challenging to play.  Playing a demon child is like nothing I’ve ever done before, and getting into all the special effects makeup, my demon wig and fang-like teeth is really fun.  In Season 2, I am able to develop Millie’s character far beyond her scary, gory presence in Season 1.  Millie is much more than a scary horror character.  She is loving, thoughtful, scared, brave, independent and vulnerable, all at the same time.  I really enjoy the challenge of showing this unexpected side of Millie Manx.       

You began your career on the stage, how do you find the work differs between stage and screen, and do you prefer one over the other?

Working on the stage is completely different than working on a tv or movie set.  In theatre, you get one chance each night to connect with your audience, to make bold acting choices, to express your character the way that you want.  But, with TV and movies, you are given multiple opportunities to explore your character’s range.  You can take a note from a director and then a few minutes later apply it to the scene you are shooting again.  In theatre, everything is big – your movements, your expressions, your vocals; because you need to reach the people in the back and the people in the balcony.  But, on the screen, I’ve learned to make my acting more subtle, because the camera is usually right there with you, and you don’t need to exaggerate your actions.  I don’t really have a preference between stage and screen, I’m just so grateful to have had the opportunity to work in both.  Both are unique in their own way, and I would welcome the opportunity to work in either genre in the future.  

Do you have any fun facts about the making of the show that fans would be surprised to find out?

Well, I have found it interesting that in making this type of horror/fantasy show, it is not scary at all to do my job.  Actually, this show has so much gore and scary scenes that when we are filming, we have a lot of fun joking around and being silly, in between takes, amongst all the gore and special effects.  There are some really cool and scary scenes coming up in Season 2 that I got to be a part of, and I would like the fans to know just how much fun it was to shoot them!  

Do you think you’d make a good vampire? What would that look like?

I’m not sure that I would make a good vampire.  I’m kind of afraid of the dark, so I probably wouldn’t be very good at it.  Also, I really do like people, and I’m not a big fan of playing deadly games like, “Scissors for The Drifter.”

Without giving anything away, what’s your favorite line of dialogue from the show (yours or someone else’s)?

My favorite line from the show is definitely with Zachary says in Episode 202, “Who wants to go to Christmasland?!?” when we are in the wraith.  This line makes me smile because we shot that scene so many times, and each time Zachary said that line a different way.  I loved it because I never really knew how he was going to deliver it, and I challenged myself to match his energy with my response every single time.

If NOS4A2 were a musical, what would Millie’s big number be?

Great question!  Millie’s big number would have to be, “Who Wants To Go To Christmasland?” and it would come right before intermission, to hook the audience.  I think the first act of the musical would build to Charlie and Millie Manx’s first arrival in Christmasland.  They would fly through the theatre in the wraith, and the song would end with them stepping out of the wraith and seeing Christmasland for the very first time.  

Which, if any, fandoms are you in?

I’m actually not in any fandoms.  I have so many varying interests in the entertainment industry that I prefer to support as many different genres as I can.

You’ve worked on two iterations in the Frozen universe, playing both young Elsa and young Anna in different projects. Which of the sisters do you prefer to bring to life? 

I still can’t believe that I’ve played both princesses! My experience bringing Young Anna to life for Frozen the Broadway Musical, and my experience playing Young Elsa in Frozen II were so unique, and as different as the two sisters really are.  I started originating the role of Young Anna for Broadway when I was 9, so I could very much relate to the younger princess at the time. I was definitely a spunky, carefree, and funny, just like Young Anna!  I started recording for Frozen II as Young Elsa when I was around 12, so I was a bit older, and I think more mature and cautious, like Elsa.  I could never pick which sister/experience I prefer because they were both such incredible opportunities that I will never forget.  

If you could play any character, historical or fictional, who would it be, and why?

That’s a really tough question to answer, and I don’t think I could pick just one character.  I think the most important thing in selecting a role is to make sure that I am being challenged to tell a very important story.  I love characters with a lot of depth to them, where I can show my acting range and make bold choices. 

What does your ideal day off look like?

My ideal day off is definitely a summer day.  I would spend my day on the beach with my family and friends, swim in the ocean, and go for long walks to find shells and sea glass.  It would also include some really good food and of course, ice cream for dessert!

Thanks for taking the time, Mattea! Catch NOS4A2 Sundays on AMC.

Headshot: Emily Assiran

#entertainment spotlight #mattea conforti

[jokertrap-ran]

(光与夜之恋 Light and Night) Charlie’s 5✩ Inspiration: Daytime Spiritualities [昼日疑魂] Date Translation (END 1: Do Nothing)

“If you're scared, then just say so. Your Fiancé's arms are always open to you.”

*Light and Night Master-list | Charlie’s Personal Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Join the Light & Night Discord (＾▽＾)~ ♪ *5✩ Inspirations have 5 Endings!! *Charlie’s tag will be #For Night, For Paradox

✥ Choice: Do Nothing [都不做]  

Should I say that I'm scared? Now that makes me look like a coward. But, to say that I'm not scared? Then, this seemingly loses what it means to watch a horror movie…

I hesitated for a while, only to maintain my silence.

However, the horrific scenes of the movie made me unwittingly cover my eyes.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

Then, a warm and strong hand covers the back of mine. The darkness seemingly deepened in intensity, yet I gleaned a slight modicum of comfort from it.

Charlie: If you're scared, then just say so.

Charlie: Your Fiancé's arms are always open to you.

Terrifying sounds played by my ears, stimulating my already tense nerves over the edge. I didn't dare to move, only continuing to cover my eyes.

Thankfully, Charlie never once removed his hand.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

With my vision ensnared in darkness, I could acutely feel his fingers resting against my hand.

His fingers were slightly calloused from a long period of handling a scalpel. It conveyed his body warmth, ever so enticing as it travelled down to touch upon my skin in an unfamiliar, yet muted way.

I suddenly felt as if I were one of his patients as he slowly nursed my internal panic and distress.

MC: Charlie.

I pawed at the hem of his clothes in an attempt to say something.

Charlie: Shh… Stop moving around like that if you're scared.

Charlie: Other manners of comfort are to be charged separately.

The eerie sound of footsteps and pained moans continued reverberating through the room, but it all sounded far, far away from me now.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

The movie ends before we know it after the dazed silence that lapsed.

The projector stopped screening once the movie came to a close. The screen blanked out along with my guilt, panic, and fear.

And I’d completely missed the ending of the movie.

MC: Charlie? Do you remember how the prisoner who was sentenced to death got away?

I thought that Charlie would respond immediately in that prideful tone of his, giving me a clear and concise answer. Hell, I was even prepared to withstand another round of his narcissism if that ever came to pass.

Yet, he sounded a little unsteady and unsure, almost as if he too, was thinking of an appropriate answer.

Charlie: ...How did the prisoner getaway? Simple. He defeated the jailer who imprisoned him. All horror movies end the same way.

MC: He defeated… the jailer?

MC: The jailer here is a figment of his imagination; it doesn’t exist.

MC: The prisoner’s trapped in his own dream.

To prove what I’d said, I quickly pulled up the homepage of the movie where the summary and all the reviews were written. I pointed it out to him.

MC: Look, it’s even written in the movie’s summary…

I raised my head to clarify with him, but Charlie chose to completely ignore me, turning his attention to the plush pillow on the sofa. His eyes were very shifty.

Suspicious. VERY suspicious…

MC: Charlie, you… you didn’t take this movie seriously at all, did you?

Charlie closed his eyes in a slight grimace, his eyebrows knitting…

That reaction…. I KNEW IT.

However, he quickly bounces back from that moment of frustration. His expression suddenly turned serious and exaggeratedly grim.

Charlie: (Y/n), life is but a fleeting one.

The hell is this man talking about!?

I didn’t quite know why, but the serious tone he was taking with me sounded vaguely threatening. I could only nod in accordance.

Charlie: I see that you agree as well.

Charlie: If one wishes to have a glorious life as glamorous as the sun in this fleeting period, then some trivialities will have to be forgone.

Charlie: Alas, that movie earlier was an unfortunate one to have been forgone by this perfect life of mine.

MC: ……

MC: I see. I never knew that there was such a poetic way of saying “I don’t remember”.

Charlie: Who says I don't remember?

Charlie: I remember as clear as the day how my Fiancée got so terrified that she burrowed right into my arms.

I helplessly sighed. Looks like it'll be a long time and a good long way before I'll ever manage to understand how that brain of his works.

MC: Then, does the matter of rating and evaluating this projector still exist in your precious time of existence, Dr. Zha?

Charlie: The projector? Average.

Charlie: It's hard for me to be evaluating a projector below $200,000.

Charlie: But, I can consider using it as a console for couples.

He raised an eyebrow, smiling.

MC: And just where are your thoughts running off to?

Charlie: I'm just giving my honest, unbiased opinion.

Charlie: I hope you can convey this precious review of mine to the brand makers. Consider it my good deed for the day.

MC: Alright, Mr. Charitable.

MC: Now, are you quite done with your charitable acts? I'm going to pack the projector up and send it back.

Charlie: Why?

MC: Because… I feel like I don't really need a home theatre.

Charlie stilled my hand with his own, moving to block the projector off from me.

Charlie: Wait. I’ll take it if you can’t find a use for it.

Charlie: Send it to my house next weekend.

MC: You sure about that?

Charlie: Of course, I naturally have the right to accept any common personal property that my Fiancée chooses to give up.

Charlie: Come to my house next week, and don't stand me up.

With that being said, he confidently walked out of the apartment.

The golden sports car parked by the road gave a tremendous roar as it sped up. It soon faded away, replaced by the ever-present bustle of the people on the streets   

Watching the silhouette of the car gradually disappear, the events of what had gone on within my apartment resurfaced to the forefront of my mind… Charlie was far more bizarre than any horror film I'd ever watched.

However, it’s as if his appearance was slowly lowering my impenetrable guard over my small piece of land.

Now, as for what will appear in the future… Will it be volcanos? Or channels? Who knows; we’ll just have to wait and see.

⊹ ˚✩ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ∘◦ ✥ ◦∘ ━━━━━━━━━━━ ✩˚ ⊹

✥ Choose your Ending:

END 1 | Choice: Do Nothing [都不做]  

END 2 + 3 | Choice: Approach [亲近] ⊹Touch⊹

END 4 | Choice: Listen [倾听] ❖ASMR

END 5 | Choice: Heart-throb [心动] ★Night★

❖☆————— ⊹ For Night, For Paradox⊹ —————★❖

Previous Part: Prologue

#光与夜之恋 #Light and Night #Otome #Translations #Tencent #查理苏 #Charlie #For Night For Paradox #昼日疑魂 #Daytime Spiritualities

[hotdamnhunnam]

Dream Baby Dream

A/N: So Charlie’s latest movie, Jungleland, is an ABSOLUTE MUST-SEE!! It’s so fucking lovely 🥺😭🥰  Whether you’ve seen it or not, I hope you’ll enjoy this little one shot, based on the below request that I got! It’s all kinds of angsty and smutty and fluffy. (Title is a reference to the Springsteen song played at the end of the movie!) **This fic is SPOILER-FREE**

Pairing: Stanley Kaminski x F!Reader Warnings: smut, swearing, reader gets pregnant, gifs of Charlie in his underpants 😋 Request: This lovely request (p.2) for pregnancy/smut with Charlie’s character from Jungleland!

Word Count: ~3.1k

Important Note: The first line of this fic is a line Stanley says in the movie (scene shown in the gif above and in this gifset) – yes, loves, an actual quote. So if you’ve not yet seen this film but are a fan of Charlie Hunnam, I promise you this scene is reason enough, to watch if only just to hear those words from him... 🤤

***************

“I like the way they make my dick look.”

... Is he serious? Yes, definitely is. One drink was all it took, for you to know. He walks and talks like someone straight out of an old forgotten book or an obscure off-Broadway show. As if his whole life is imagined, yet for him the fiction feels so fucking real that it’s the only thing he’ll ever understand.

“I like the way they make my dick look”? What the fuck? You’d just paid him a half-joking compliment on his ridiculous sweatpants. But this is a man who takes jokes for the truths they expose. Mama always told you to avoid men like this—cons and crooks—men who crush their own hearts in their fists, steal their strength from the shadows, to run from their weakness. She knows best, and knows that you can’t. Knows that you turn to dust in their hands. But she’s not here to witness.

No, nobody is.

You take another shot, tossing away what little self-restraint you’ve got. “Dare you to tell me just how many times you’ve used that line.”

The fucker flashes you a smile. Cheeky smirk, the only kind that suits his style. Cheap as dirt. Just like his stupid ugly shirt. “Hey, if I had a dime...”

Rolling your eyes, you suck the sour from a slice of lime. Can’t seem to chase away your thirst. “How many times did that shit work?”

“Well, let’s just say you wouldn’t be the first...” he whispers, leaning close to take the lime in his own fingers, squeezing it without reason till every little pulp ruptures and bursts. “Wanna fuck you so hard it hurts.”

***************

Is it the best sex that you’ve had? Hell fucking no—not even close. It’s pretty bad. Probably the worst.

It’s almost gross. Feels like you’re stuck in a low-budget porno. Just a mess of theatrical thrusts. Heated groans, grating deep in his throat. Grabby hands. Somehow you know that he could fuck you so much better, though, if only he stopped trying to put on some kind of show. You doubt he even knows he can.

“Ugh, just—” you grit your teeth against each thrust. “What are you even doing, Stan...”

He groans out loud again. “Screwing you like a fucking man.”

That tasteless statement almost makes you want to laugh, but you bite back the urge. “No, that’s not how it works,” you mutter as his hips spastically jerk, massive dick splitting you in half. “You can’t—”

“Shut the fuck up,” he rasps, ravaging your ass with a rough series of slaps. Pulling your hair, making you arch your back, wrapping one hand around your neck until you choke. The sex is so damn close to being epic if this man would just stop acting like a joke. Like, really close, which honestly doesn’t seem fair. “You’re not supposed to talk when you’re taking my cock. Supposed to be too drunk to care.”

Oh God—he’s even dumber than you thought. He should’ve counted that you’d only had a couple shots. “Yeah, well, I’m not.”

“As fucking if,” he huffs, taking the hint that you’ve had quite enough. Reluctantly rolls off. Finally stops fucking you over. And that’s when you realize you miss it, although it feels strange to admit. He turns aside, tucking himself in tight under the covers like some kind of scorned lover. Spurned and burned so many times it makes him sick. “That’s bullshit and we both know it. Sober, a girl like you wouldn’t have touched me with a ten-foot stick.”

That gives you pause and breaks your heart a little bit. How is this man already getting at your heart, damn it? Mama would say he’s creeping in there with his crooked claws and all that shit. You can’t let yourself fall for his theatrics. Is that even what this is? Somehow, you sense the weight of more than just his body on the mattress; your heart feels heavy now, but not nearly as heavy as his.

“A girl like me? Seriously, what does that even mean?” you ask, reaching to run your hand across the faded scars and bruises on his back. Noticing how he flinches as if your soft touch is a savage attack. No doubt he wishes that you hadn’t seen. No wonder somebody so damaged really thought you wouldn’t touch him with a ten-foot stick. “Stanley, you are honest to God hot. And plus you’ve got an almost-ten-inch dick.”

He reacts with a snort, and a shake of his head. Scooting out of the bed, shrugging into his hideous shirt. All the scars on his back and his heart safely hidden inside it. “Doesn’t matter if it’s big. Apparently I can’t use it for shit.”

Without bothering to put pants back on, he settles on the couch across the room. You move to follow him, unable to resist when he looks so cute sitting there. Raking your fingers through his ruffled golden hair. “That’s not a problem we can’t fix—come back to bed with that big dick. You just have to get out of your head. Just a bit.”

That’s a notion he’s quick to dismiss, though you notice he’s no longer flinching away from your touch—which means something, you’d bet. It must. Nevertheless, Stanley snickers at what you said, struggling to keep his facade firmly set. “Out of my head? Bitch, I live in it.”

You don’t doubt it. Just want him to try stepping out of it. “Just for a minute.”

Lucid blue eyes look up at you now like you’re seeking to push him past some lifelong limit.

“Damn, what’s it like in there...?” you wonder aloud as you comb through his hair. He’s a poem, a portrait of someone who doesn’t believe he’s a man. Soul has never known any true home. Heart has been locked away for so long that he thought it could never be freed. Head full of dreams, broken and bursting at the seams. His silence fucking screams. “What do you really want, Stan? Really need?”

And you can tell he’s scared, to dare believe you really care. “...Nobody ever asked.”

There’s a whole world behind his words. Woefully true. Yet a whole other world now opens up before the two of you, with yours. “Well, then I’m glad to be the first.”

Of course you asked. Of fucking course. You barely even know him now, but can already tell somehow... you want to love this man so hard it hurts. Truly glad that you were the first. Already want to be the last.

***************

Fucking months have gone by in the blink of an eye. And already you love him so much you could die. 

He’s never fucked someone who ever gave a shit about him, so he gets a rush from knowing that you cannot live without him. And the feeling goes both ways, needless to say. He’s always looking at you like his first glimpse of the sacred light of day. And always seems afraid you’ll run away, no matter how wholeheartedly you reassure him that you’re here to stay. That he should never doubt it. 

Still he’s just crippled with this unshakeable fear of fucking up and everything falling to shit, just as it always did. Of losing love now that he’s finally fucking found it. Stanley’s past is a ripple effect of the failures and losses that constantly kept him desperate and dishonest, and it’s fucking haunted. Can’t help but dread the day it’ll rear its monstrous head and make him pay for ever dreaming he could have the kind of life he’s always wanted.

The most that you can do is hold him close and fuck the pain away, and love him more than words can say. His dreams are beautiful, you tell him. They deserve to see the light of day. With you he never has to act like he’s some character straight off the page; he doesn’t have to be afraid to feel. To fear that all the demons in his soul are real, and full of rage, and fierce enough to kill him. ‘Cause now you’re finally here to hold him and to heal him.

All of his dreams once revolved around his intense bond with his brother. For so long, his heart never had room for another. He tells you often about Walter. The fighter. ‘Lion’ as it were. The whole life that they lived for no one but each other, till one day the champion boxer abandoned his gloves to vow love at the altar.

And Stanley is happy, that Lion has found a new family. A new life as boundless and bright as the sky. Such love as an overbearing older brother could never provide. Though Stan knows that the door’s always open for him, to be part of that family and part of that life... he won’t take Lion up on the invite. Tells himself that the home that his brother has built is too precious for someone so poisoned to set foot inside.

You fuck the poison and the pain out of his veins a little bit more every night. But you know it’s a big fight; you won’t try to push it or rush it. Just guide him and stay beside him as the shadow slowly turns to light.

So what’s left to dream now? Somehow your lover tells you his deepest secrets and desires without ever breathing a damn word aloud. Like the fire’s so fragile a whisper could blow it right out.

Tells you and shows you through passionate, powerful kisses, devouring you with the heat of his mouth. Through the touch of his tough calloused hands on your skin, softly treasuring every last inch, devoting his whole broken heart to the moment in such breathless silence... then driving inside you with vigor and violence, the lion inside him awoken and roaring out loud. Slow and gentle again, at the end. Once you’re both well and truly fucked out. The soft look on his face and his tender embrace expressing just how grateful he is that you taught him to fuck, and to love, without playing pretend.

Is it the best sex of your life? Hell fucking yes. Without a doubt. Every damn day, every damn night. Far and away the fucking best. The kind of sex starry-eyed poets strive and fail to write about. 

Stanley Kaminski is a living, breathing, tragic, magic little poem. But he is also very real, thanks to the love that you’ve allowed his heart to feel. Beating so beautifully now that it’s finally healed. And he’s become your fucking home.

***************

“Babe, you up?”

You weren’t until he spoke. The sun is only barely just; as he so often does, Stan beat the day before it broke. But you don’t mind being awoken by the man you’ll always love. More so than ever now because... you have some news to share today, bound to blow him the fuck away. In the best way, you hope. And trust.

“Mm-hmm,” you hum, shifting in bed, lifting your head to see him seated by the window far across the room. Gaze lingering upon his gorgeous features gilded by the glow of dawn. “What’s wrong?”

Nothing at all, for once, he wordlessly responds. Smiles at you before he glances back outside, watching the sun begin to rise, as if its light promises everything he wants.

“Today’s gonna be good, baby,” he states, blue gaze so wild and bright he looks a little crazy. “I mean, I can see it. I can see our future when I close my eyes.”

It’s almost like he knows what’s coming, in the next moment. Maybe he does? Your souls are intertwined so close you wouldn’t really be surprised. “Well, looks to me like they’re wide open. Why you even gotta close ‘em?” you reply, stretching your arms out with a peaceful sigh. All set to break the news you would’ve shared with him last night, if only he hadn’t come home and fucked you so epically hard that you just went out like a light. “Stanley, I...”

“Shouldn’t have woken you up, actually,” he interrupts, somewhat unnaturally. Crosses the room toward the bed, to hold your head up, kiss you slow and deep. Then turns to leave. “Love you—sorry. Go back to sleep.”

You pause and blink your bleary eyes. “What? Why...?”

“...‘cause it’s a special day and I’m cooking up a surprise.”

Although that’s super cute... you don’t exactly like the thought of Stanley making food, to tell the truth. You almost puked, first time he tried. He has a lot of skills and virtues, but his cooking isn’t one of them, unfortunately. “Babe, I told you there’s no need to make a big deal of our second anniversary...”

“Yeah, but why’s that for you to decide?” he playfully retorts as he heads out the bedroom door. Shouting back at you down the hallway as he hastens away. “Besides, you’re gonna need something to build your strength up after getting fucked so good and hard last night. Stay put and don’t even try sneaking into the kitchen, alright?”

“Fine,” you sigh, figuring that you might as well listen. No harm letting your man do his thing in the kitchen. You just hope that he won’t be offended if you can’t hold down what he’s serving... especially now that your body’s especially prone to hurling, for reasons that he just unwittingly stopped you from sharing with him.

You can picture him trying to cook, looking so adorably domestic as fuck. So damn cute it hurts. Standing there over the counter in his fugly turtleneck shirt, glancing up every few seconds, just to make sure his girl doesn’t walk in on him while he’s busy at work.

Absentmindedly scratching at his lower back with his wandering fingers, as he shuffles over the cracked tile floor in his raggedy slippers. The ones that he stole from some random hotel years ago. Why he chooses to wear a long-sleeved shirt and slippers, when he can’t be bothered to put on a damn pair of knickers, even in the middle of winter... you don’t even know. It’s such a fucking Stanley thing to do, though.

You can picture the low-hanging hem of his shirt getting stuck in the top of his briefs as he scratches his back. While he just carries on with his business, oblivious, focused on whipping up some sad excuse for a breakfast that will most likely make you gag. Your man can’t cook for crap, and you’re certain that he’s well aware of that fact. So what gives? Where’s he going with this...? You wonder as you wait in bed, enamored with the image of him in your head.

GIFs by uuuhshiny

When he finally returns to the bedroom he’s holding a steaming white mug in his hand, biting his bottom lip to stop himself from grinning like a madman, for reasons that you can’t even begin to understand.

“Okay, listen, Y/N—before you say anything...”

You can already smell the unholy concoction he’s got in his cup, and you’re struggling so hard not to throw the fuck up. “Stan, is that what I think—”

“Hear me out,” he begs, squatting down next to the bed. For some reason he looks all at once shy and proud. “I want you to remember our first time together. The morning after.”

You nervously swallow and nod your head. He can’t really expect you to put that ‘breakfast’ in your mouth—doesn’t he know you’ll spit it right out? You just try to focus on the heartwarming words he just said. “Babe, you know I won’t ever forget. But is that...”

“Yes, it is. Kaminski’s specialty hot shit. The mess I used to make for Lion every day for breakfast. The only family that I ever had, until the day we met.”

You pause at that; is it just a coincidence now that he’s talking about you as family? Surely he knows somehow, what you’re about to tell him now. You want to just tell him already, so badly. “Stanley...”

“Just let me say this. Please,” he murmurs, shifting where he’s squatting on the floor, repositioning his knees. “Tonight I was thinking of taking you out to some nice swanky place I can’t even afford... would’ve tipped the waiter off to drop a little something in the fancy French champagne we ordered...”

Your heart stops as it hangs on his words. Why is he suddenly... down on one knee...

“But I thought maybe this would mean a little more,” he continues. “Baby, I cooked this for you, the first morning I ever woke to the most beautiful view... because a part of me already knew. I wanted you more than I’d ever wanted anything before. I was already fucking yours. I never would’ve made this crap for anyone but family—that shit’s sacred to me. And now I know, deep down, that’s what I always wanted you to be.”

“Stanley...”

“You had to dig through so much shit, inside of me, and stole my fucking heart right out of it. Still can’t believe you did. Still can’t believe you think I’m worth it. Scared I’ll wake up any second just to see that this was all some crazy dream.”

Your heart is bursting at the seams. “Believe it, baby. You’re worth everything to me. I’ll dig through all that shit again, if it means being with you in the end.”

He holds the cup out toward you like the treasure that it is. “That’s what it means. That’s what I’m asking you with this. Dig, baby, dig.”

You love this man so much more than you can believe. So much for him thinking that you would never touch him with a ten-foot stick. 

Your hand dives straight into the mess to find the ring and scream out yes. Stan smiles and wipes the excess stuff off on his sleeve, then slides it carefully onto your finger as you shower him with kisses. Honestly couldn’t be happier right now that someone else is here to witness.

And he needs to know it, right this fucking minute.

After he takes your newly bejeweled hand in his, blessing it with a kiss... you take his hand in yours and press it onto the surprise that you’ve been harboring inside. Your secret little Stanley. “So... you know I had something to tell you as well, right? I’m not the only one who’s so happy about this. Happy to be part of your family.”

His eyes go wide, the brightest light you’ve ever seen. “Y/N...! Y/N, does—does this mean...”

You answer with a smile as big as his, and seal the promise with a kiss. “Dream, baby, dream.”

***************

Hope you enjoyed this!! Would love to hear if you did! 🤗💖

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The Present

Warnings: Mentions of sexual assault/rape, but not overtly descriptive.  A/N: As much as I like writing fluffy pieces or glimpses in time, I really wanted this series to have some sort of progression. A lot of the feelings and emotions that are in this piece was taken from personal experience or the experience of someone close to me. In no way do I claim that all experiences are similar to the one disclosed in this piece of fictional writing. Disclaimer: This is a FICITONAL writing piece on Charlie Gillespie. In no way do I claim or declare that Charlie’s portrayal is accurate to real life. I do however, own Teagan Valencia :)

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The Teagan Valencia Series: The Meeting  / The Fight / The Proposal / The Present / The Recovery / The Future

***Please note that sensitive topics are addressed in the writing and may cause discomfort or trigger readers. If subjects such as non-consensual sexual engagement, rape or sexual assault cause discomfort, please refrain from reading the story.

The Present

“Cut! That’s a wrap on this scene, great job everyone! Let’s break for lunch” Kenny announced to the crew. He smiled at Teagan releasing a big sigh. As awesome as this all was, it could still be tiring!

“You’re doing a great job Kenny. Seriously, I can’t wait for the second season” Teagan gave Kenny a hug from behind his chair.

“I should be giving you a giant hug Teagan!” Kenny stood up from his directing chair, moving his way to Tegan. “Congratulations on your engagement!” He gave her a big bear hug. “Now let me see the ring!” Teagan showed her his hand and he inspected the ring gleefully. Although they had gotten engaged two weeks ago, this was their first week filming and the first time Kenny saw her since the night of the party.

“I told you I had good taste Kenny” Charlie came over and wrapped his arms around my waist, perching his chin on my shoulders.

“Honey, you didn’t pick out the ring, you just picked it up” Teagan joked as Kenny released her hand. Turning to give Charlie a quick playful peck on the lips, Teagan saw the playful smirk kneeing he had a clever come back.

“I’m not talking about the ring, I’m talking about the person” he smirked kissing her back playfully. “Are you joining us for lunch?” His eyes hopeful.

“Well since you can’t leave the set for a birthday lunch, I guess so” she dramatically sighed acting like she was disappointed.

“Hey! I’m taking you out for dinner! Remember? Birthday dinner?” Teagan’s dramatic façade broke and Charlie realized he fell for it. “Sometimes I wonder why you're not the one in front of the camera”.

Charlie kissed her on the cheek and led her to lunch with the rest of the cast. As usual Maddy already had the designated brownie plate that both of them shared from and Savannah was able to join them as she finished in hair and make up. Everyone had a fun time chatting and hanging out at lunch but they had to continue filming. Charlie, Owen and Jeremy had to go get touched up and a new wardrobe on, but he left Teagan in the company of Booboo and Savannah, as Maddy went to go take a nap. 

“Hey Savannah, we are going to need you and Maddi on set soon” the three of them jumped at the sudden interruption from the new Production Assistant. His eyes piercing and intense staring at Teagan. “I’m James the new Production Assistant and you are?”

“I’m Charlie’s fiancé, I’m just visiting him on set today.” Teagan smiled back politely despite feeling uncomfortable under his gaze. She came to understand that this was the new PA that kept coming up in their group chat. It was no secret that a majority of the cast who had interacted with him felt slightly uneasy. Owen had been changing in the wardrobe trailer when he “popped out of nowhere and scared the living shit” out of Owen. Jeremy had been sneaking onto the set to take a nap in Julie’s infamous bed when he found James lurking around in the dim lighting. There were a few other stories that Teagan remembered, but she waved it off as James being misunderstood as he was new to the cast.

“Oh yeah! Sure! I’ll go get Maddi” Savannah stood up quickly getting ready to film.  

“Well ladies, it was a fun lunch, but I’m done on set and need to head over to a photo shoot” Booboo smiled collecting their lunch mess and glancing at his watch. “Which starts in an hour, shit. I better get going. Happy Birthday again Teagan, I wish I could be there tonight!”

“Don’t worry about it Booboo, let’s take a raincheck” Booboo gave her a big hug and waved them goodbye. “Hey I’ll come with you since I’m going to hang out in Charlie’s trailer” she stopped Savannah getting out of her chair too. “As much as I love watching him act, I know he has the Switch in his trailer and I want to play Mario Kart”

Savannah giggled at her friend and the two of them noticed James still standing there. “I’ll go grab Maddi if you want to let Kenny know we are on our way” Savannah smiled at the PA, who simply gave a curt nod, never taking his eyes off of Teagan. The two girls waited until he was no longer in their line of sight before moving towards the trailers. “Between you and me, I heard he’s being let go at the end of the week”

“What? Why?” Savannah looked incredulously at Teagan, shocked at her response. “Okay, I know he’s kinda weird and freaking people out, but what if it’s because he’s new?“

“He was hired last minute because of some pregnancy complications our actual PA Sarah had. She was cleared by the doctor to come and work yesterday, but she won’t be able to be here until the end of the week. We told Kenny we would much rather have her here and not James” Savannah shuddered as she said his name. Teagan didn’t know that he made everyone feel this uncomfortable.

“Who hired him?” She wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt because someone had thought he was a good fit. There must have been some sort of misunderstanding!“

“Netflix kinda threw him in since it was so last minute! He’s from Vancouver, so it made things easier” Savannah shrugged stopping in front of Charlie’s trailer. “Now go relax birthday queen, we’ll come get you in a few hours when we’ve wrapped and we can get ready at my apartment!”. 

Teagan smiled and hugged her friend, entering the trailer shortly after. She was greeted with the familiar scent of pine and cologne, just like Charlie. His trailer was neat, save for the sweater or shirt tossed here or there, and his acoustic guitar propped up against the couch. She opened his fridge pleased to find it stocked with water bottles, knowing well that Charlie mostly drank from his blue hydro flask to reduce the amount of plastic in the environment. After grabbing a bottle, she headed to the couch of the trailer where she plopped down and grabbed his Nintendo switch. She played a couple rounds of Mario Kart, drinking water when she felt a sudden sleepiness descend her. Putting the switch away, she took off her shoes and clothes opting to wear Charlie’s orange hoodie and black sweats for her nap. Glancing at the clock, she realized she had about two hours before they would start wrapping up for the day and thought a little cat nap wouldn’t do any harm. Plus, Savannah knew where she would be in case she didn’t pick up her phone. With that Teagan drifted off to sleep on the couch.

Teagan didn’t expect to wake up on the floor of the trailer with both arms restrained to the leg of the desk. Confused for a moment, she found herself restrained like a hostage in a movie, her hands tied with heavy and thick rope and a cloth restraining her mouth. Looking around, she recognized she was still in Charlie’s trailer and thought this was a cruel joke that her friends were playing on her. To her horror, she realized it wasn’t a prank when she saw James shutting the blinds and locking the trailer. She took a deep breath to scream, but quickly stopped when James noticed that she was awake, unsheathing his pocket knife.

“You're so pretty” he whispered, drawing close so that he was inches away from her face. She watched tensely as his eyes scanned her face with this crazy look in his eyes. “If you scream I will hurt you” he whispered as he untied the cloth muffling her mouth. Teagan was too afraid to say anything as James started to laugh. “You did it James, you got a pretty one” he smacked his head twice dropping the knife by Teagan’s foot. As he paced the trailer muttering to himself, she tried to inch the knife slowly to her with her foot, but this caught her captor’s attention. “Oh no you don’t!” he lunged for the knife as Teagan tried to kick him away, her leg getting nicked in the scuffle.

“Help!” she cried, but was quickly muffled by one hand on her mouth, the other holding the knife pressed up against her throat.

“I told you not to scream!” he yelled at her. Teagan began to cry in fear as she realized the man was mentally unstable and out of control. “Now I don’t trust you!” he gagged her with the cloth that was previously muffling her pulling at her hair in the process. Teagan tensed as he pressed the knife back to her throat. “I’m serious. I will cut you if you scream” he threatened holding her jaw with his free hand, forcing her to look at him. As more tears began to fall from her eyes, he cooed and shushed her hoping that she would stop. “Stop being sad. You aren’t pretty when you’re sad. I can make you happy. Let’s do that!” she trembled as his face lit up as though he had come up with a brilliant idea. He suddenly stood up and smacked his head again, muttering to himself incoherently. Teagan had no idea what to do. If she made a ruckus someone might be able to hear her, but the man in front of her might act on his words. She winced as he bumped the leg that he nicked.

“Did I hurt you? Oh no... Dammit you’ve damaged the merchandise James... You made her ugly! No. no. I can fix it. I can fix it” Teagan watched as he cursed at himself, dropping down to her side, yanking off Charlie’s sweats. The cut wasn’t deep by any means, but it was there and about two inches in length. However, it left Teagan pant less on the floor of the trailer with James staring at her half naked form, hands shaking as he drew nearer to her. Teagan knew what was to come as she struggled against her restraints and he pinned her legs down, approaching parts of her body she only let Charlie touch or see. Tears started to flow freely from her eyes as she protested through her gag, shaking her head no and trying to yell for help. James didn’t care anymore that Teagan had become vocal again, as he was too focused on indulging his own fantasies. Teagan cried out desperately and squeezed her eyes shut, wishing for this whole thing to go away. A banging on the door interrupted both of their thoughts as they froze. James terrified that he had been caught and Teagan hopeful that someone had come to end this. 

“Teags! It’s Owen, open up! You alright in there?” 

Teagan realized this was her only chance to end this and she screamed the loudest Help she could despite being gagged. She was sure Owen wouldn’t be able to make out what she was saying, but the fact that it was a scream would have alerted him to something important. The banging on the door became steady and stronger as if he was trying to break the door down. They could hear him screaming for help and speaking to someone over the phone. Quickly a commotion began to gather outside the trailer and James paled.

“This is all your fault! You stupid bitch! I told you to be quiet” he slapped her hard across the face, a burning sensation residing in her cheek. “You were supposed to be quiet!” he slapped her again on the opposite cheek, but this caused the back of her head to hit the leg of the desk that restrained her hands. A ringing in Teagan’s ears overcame all of her senses and she couldn’t focus on anything else. She felt him roughly cut her restraints and drag her to a standing position, but she couldn’t stand. She felt dizzy and nauseous at the sudden motion as the ringing in her ears started to subside. James held the knife against her throat, his back to the wall waiting for people to break into the trailer.

With a final bang, security was able to bust the door open, two of them filing into the tiny trailer, Owen standing behind them. There was Teagan, a knife being held to her throat, a swollen cheek, her underwear discarded on the floor and the orange hoodie preserving whatever parts of her body that it could. She felt the knife press into her neck as James and the security officers yelled back and forth at one another. She could feel a sharp stinging sensation and warm liquid languidly make its way down her neck. The yelling intensified and so did the pain. Teagan could barely hear Owen’s attempts to comfort her and assure her over the noise. She couldn’t understand what was happening, but James’ body tensed and convulsed, pushing the knife slightly deeper into her for a moment and then collapsing to the floor. In a rush of motion and bodies, the two security officers rushed to James’ shocked body on the floor and Owen rushed to Teagan, quickly untying the pink hoodie that was a part of his costume to help cover her up.

“Teagan! Teagan look at me, are you alright?” Owen’s voice snapped her back to reality as his soft anxious blue eyes searched hers.

“...Owen?” his name came out as a tremble followed by a fresh stream of tears as she lunged into his chest. He caught her and held on to her just as tight as she held onto him. Owen’s heart broke as she held onto him for dear life. He picked her up, never letting her go and moving her out of the trailer as the security guards handled the rest. As Owen exited, the small crowd of castmates and crew that had gathered in the alley gasped at the sight of Owen and Teagan. Savannah rushed over to throw her jacket over her legs to help Owen’s pink hoodie, giving her soft rubs on her back as she sobbed into Owen’s chest.

“Teagan?! Teagan! Oh my god, what the fuck happened?!” Teagan’s face came out of hiding as she heard Charlie’s voice. Their eyes met as Charlie sprinted over to her, pushing people out of the way. Owen quickly handed Teagan to Charlie, both of them crying and Kenny arriving at the scene with Maddi. Sadness befell their faces at the scene, but Kenny quickly took charge and started dispersing the crowds, giving orders to others to help remedy the situation. Teagan sobbed uncontrollably in Charlie’s arms and he offered as much comfort and solace as he could. The paramedics soon arrived and Charlie had no choice but to hand her over to them, but he followed the paramedics to their van with Owen and Savannah in tow.

Along the way, Owen had explained how he had come to find her. It turns out that Owen wasn’t needed for the final shots of the day, so he went to find Teagan before changing. Savannah had mentioned that Teagan had gone to hangout in Charlie’s trailer, so naturally Owen made his way over. He didn’t expect the muffled sounds of desperate screams and cries to intensify as he neared Charlie’s trailer. He knew something was wrong, but the door was locked, and after confirming that she weren’t doing something else, he began to yell for help and try to break the door down. As one team of paramedics checked on Teagan, Kenny asked the other team to check on Owen as he used physical force to break the door down with the security team. Therefore, he wanted to make sure Owen didn’t hurt himself in the adrenaline of it all. The entire time Teagan sat on the stretcher and gurney, covered with a blanket, Charlie held onto her hand tightly. Her tears subsided but everyone could tell she was still shaken. The rest of the cast members who were still on set were escorted to their vehicles and told to return home for the day. Filming had to come to a halt until they were cleared to run again. 

“Mrs. Valencia, I’m going to need you to confirm some details of your assault so we can properly attend to you” the female police officer spoke to Teagan with an apologetic looking female paramedic at her side. “Sir, we are going to have to ask you to let us speak to her privately” 

Charlie kissed her forehead and went to let go of her hand, which Teagan protested.

“No please. He can stay. Please, I need him” her voice initially came out strong and desperate, but fell to a quiet whisper as she finished speaking. The police officer made eye contact with one another and then with Charlie, who returned closer to her side.

“Very well. Mrs. Valencia, did your assailant force any penetration on you?” the police officer got right to the point, staring deeply into Teagan’s eyes. Charlie tensed, preparing himself to hear the answer he didn’t want to hear. Teagan hesitantly shook her head no. “Did he force himself upon you that can be considered sexual assault” she bowed her head, ashamed of what she was admitting, and softly nodded. “I’m sorry Mrs. Valencia, I’m going to need you to tell me a little more than that” the police officer looked at her apologetically, knowing fully that this was a difficult conversation to have. “We need to have a verbal confirmation.”

“It was just his fingers. No kissing or anything more” Teagan whispered, her eyes filling with tears once more. The police officer thanked her and nodded to the paramedic who finished cleaning her cuts and bandaging them up. Charlie held her hand the entire time, rubbing soft circles on her back. After the paramedic was done, she gave the two of them a moment alone.

“I’m so sorry Charlie” Teagan whimpered, crying all over again. She bowed her head in shame and embarrassment, feeling hopeless and defeated.

“Teagan, look at me” and when she refused to lift her head, he placed a finger under her chin to lift it. Teagan looked at his eyes full of determination, anger and conviction. “Don’t you ever apologize for what happened to you.” his voice was stern, unwavering despite the emotions he felt inside. “None of this is your fault. Don’t think for a second that you are responsible in some way shape or form.” His eyes bore an intensity that Teagan only saw when something upset him, in which she couldn’t blame him.

“Do you still love me?” she tried to be strong as she spoke, but her tears got the best of her. Charlie’s eyes suddenly became soft, concerned and worried. She couldn’t bear to look at him as she felt that he may have been disappointed in her.

“Of course I do Teags. Nothing could ever change that.” her tears softly fell down her face as Charlie pulled her in for a tight hug, peppering her with kisses. “I’m so sorry Teags, you must have been so scared” he rubbed her back hoping to provide more comfort and assurance. “I’ll love you no matter what. This doesn’t change anything, Mrs. Gillespie” the last part of his comment made her chuckle through her tears and pull away to look at him. “I can’t promise you and say things are going to be the same from here on out, but I can promise you that I’m not leaving you. Ever.” He had hoped that his eyes conveyed his commitment to her and she confirmed this with a gentle kiss on his lips. Charlie was careful to kiss her back knowing that she was still in pain from the assault.

This was a hurdle that they were going to face together. Teagan knew deep down that this event had caused serious damage and she couldn’t quite come to terms with what happened. However, she knew that Charlie was going to be with her and oddly enough, that was all she needed right now.

#charlie gillespie #charlie gillespie x reader #charlie gillespie fanfiction #charlie gillespie imagines #fanfiction #imagine #TeaganValenciaSeries

[365days365movies]

April 5, 2021: Arsenic and Old Lace (1944) (Recap: Part One)

Yeah, so...Spectrum exploded last night.

So, I'm unfortunately a little behind. BUT NEVER FEAR! I'll get back on time before you know it! So, uh...where were we last time? OH RIGHT! Let's talk about black comedy. And I don't mean black-and-white comedies, or comedies prominently featuring African-American culture and demographic. No, I mean dark comedies.

The "black comedy" functions off of macabre or taboo humor and jokes, and is often closely associated with biting satire and commentary in film. That definition is loose as hell, I know, but it's all about the subject matter. The most common subject matter for dark humor is death, of course, and related subjects to death. War, murder, strife, madness, and violence are also common topics here.

Some of the best comedies are black comedies, though. For example, Brazil (1985; dir. Terry Gilliam) focuses on themes of depression, dreams, terrorism, totalitarian governments, and madness. And it's GREAT. How about The Death of Stalin (2018; dir. Armando Iannucci)? The title ALONE should tell you everything you need to know about the tone and topic, AND YET...

It's HILARIOUS. And also informative! If you haven't seen it, I definitely recommend it. And again, that film is about, well...the death of Stalin, and the fallout of his disastrous and murderous regime. Dark, DARK topic, but very funny movie.

Dr. Strangelove, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb is about war; Fargo is about murder in North Dakota; Heathers is about a toxic relationship and the death and murder of teenagers; Birdman, or The Unexpected Virtue of Ignorance is about an actor's existential crisis and complete mental breakdown; and Trainspotting is about the devastating effects of drug addiction and features a DEAD BABY FOR CHRIST'S SAKE...and yet they're all full of laughs! Except for the baby scene. Fuck me, the baby scene in Trainspotting.

So, yeah, these are a diverse group of films, that's for sure. But where does it all start? There's 1942's To Be or Not to Be (dir. Ernst Lubitsch), which is about a Polish theatre company who need to escape in the midst of...well, 1942 Poland. If you don't get why that's dark, you should probably look up some history, bud. Charlie Chaplin would dip into the role in 1947's Monsieur Verdoux, which I mentioned last time. And there's the seldom-talked-about Kind Hearts and Coronets (dir. Robert Hamer), a 1949 film about murder for status, essentially.

But it's hard to argue that the most prominent early black comedy is 1944's Cary Grant vehicle, Arsenic and Old Lace.

Directed by Frank Capra, this film was based on a 1941 stage play, and is about...well, we'll get to it. While its prominence as a black comedy is one reason I'm watching this movie, the other is...well, to be honest, this is a movie I heard about CONSTANTLY from my Mom, as this is one of her favorites. And yet, like Dirty Dancing, I've somehow never seen it! Let's remedy that.

So, without further ado, let's get into it! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Recap (1/2)

The film starts off with a BANG, as a man calls me a “big simp” to my face! Actually, he’s screaming at a Brooklyn Dodgers game, where a massive fight breaks out. This fight quickly transitions to a city hall, where a line of people are waiting to file marriage licenses. Amongst the line is Mortimer Brewster (Cary Grant) and Elaine Harper (Priscilla Lane).

Brewster is hiding from the press, as he’s a famous reviewer, and author of the Bachelor’s Bible, and it would be quite the scandal for him to get married. And yet, he’s head over heels in love with Elaine. After going through an existential crisis about the whole thing, he gives into Elaine’s sweet demeanor, and the two file their marriage license officially.

It’s Halloween day, and we move from the city to the suburbs of Brooklyn, where two policemen, O’Hara (Jack Carson) and Sanders (John RIdgely) are on patrol. Sanders tells O’Hara of the kindly Brewster Sisters, the sweetest women on Earth, both of whom live in the neighborhood. Currently, they are being visited by Reverend Harper (Grant Mitchell), Elaine’s father. He’s speaking with Abby (Josephine Hull) and Martha Brewster (Jean Adair), the kindly aunts of Mortimer. 

Also living there is Mortimer’s brother Teddy Brewster (John Alexander), who apparently believes that he’s Teddy Roosevelt, which is...hilarious. Dude is hilarious, seriously. The cops come over to visit the two, and collect some clothes and toys for local charity. Also, Teddy only leaves a room by screaming “CHAAAAARGE!!!”, and running up the stairs, and I love Teddy a lot.

Reverend Harper and the cops leave for the night, and the sisters settle down for the evening. Abby and Martha state that their plans for Elaine and Mortimer should go as scheduled, which is probably talking about their marriage. Abby also mentions that she’s done something while she was away, to Martha’s delight and surprise. They tell Teddy that he’ll soon be digging a new lock for the Panama Canal...whatever that means.

Martha’s about to go to the basement to see what Abby’s done, but she states that because she was all by herself, the surprise is in the window seat. As she’s about to look at the surprise, Elaine shows up in the window, and the two arrive to give the happy news that they’re married. Elaine goes to tell her father of the news, while Mortimer goes to tell his sweet aunts. Afterwards, the two will be on their honeymoon, going to Niagara Falls. And I should say, they’re quite a sweet couple.

After telling the news to his aunts, he asks them where his notes are for his new controversial book, Mind Over Matrimony. They go to look for it around the house, and Teddy comes downstairs, dressed up in attire to “go to Panama.” Aunt Abby comes across a childhood picture of Jonathan, Mortimer’s brother and apparently a violent sociopath or some sort. She goes to burn the picture (geez), and Mortimer continues to look for the notes. He goes to the window seat.

Yup! It’s a body! Looks like Abby and Martha’s sweet old lady act is a guise for some myurder! Which I know, just because it’s the most famous thing about the movie. However, Mortimer thinks the murderer is Teddy, and tells his sweet old aunts about the body, asking that he gets put into an asylum. But Abby notes that Teddy didn’t kill the man, and they already know about the body!

Which, yeah, surprises Mortimer, obviously.

Abby cheerfully admits that the man, Mr. Hoskins, was poisoned by a tainted glass of elderberry wine, and that they did so on purpose, hiding the body before the Reverend came for a visit. The whole thing isn’t a big deal; it’s just Abby and Martha’s little secret!

After they leave, and brush off the whole thing as easy as needlepoint or macramé as a hobby, Mortimer, is completely broken by the whole affair, and is partially convinced that he’s dreaming. All the while, Elaine’s trying to get Mortimer to come over and speak with her father. But Mortimer can’t exactly forget about this whole silly murder thing, and goes to confront his aunts about it. He learns that Teddy’s digging not a lock, but a grave in the cellar. As he’s done with 10 other bodies. Or maybe it’s 11 others?

After picking up a phone call from Elaine, then hanging up abruptly (and understandably), Mortimer finds out how this whole thing started. See, the two have a “Renters Wanted” sign in their front lawn, and the neighborhood thinks that it’s there so the two sweet old ladies can offer help to anyone in need, even though they aren’t actually renting to anyone. In reality...well, they do it for another reason.

See, an older gentleman stopped by a bit ago, and he had a heart attack right there in the living room. After seeing how peaceful he looked, the two decided to bring in other lonely old men and bring in the same kind of peace. And from there...well, yeah, you get the general idea. They’ve been poisoning them with arsenic, strychnine, and cyanide mixed in with elderberry wine. Apparently, Martha’s got the mixture just right so that it tastes delicious. With all this explained, they offer Mortimer a sip of wine. Which he’s understandably nervous about.

But with all of that done, Elaine comes over to check in on him. But he’s not able to tell her anything, which greatly (and understandably) confuses her. He basically kicks her out (which enrages her, once again understandably), and calls a judge with the intent to frame the whole affair on Teddy, who’s always been.unstable. Which, for the record, is not even SLIGHTLY going to solve the problem.

But as he’s on the phone, a man named Gibbs (Edward McWade) comes in to rent an apartment. He’s all alone in the world, with nobody to care for him. And of course, this leads to the women trying to poison him with the wine. It’s a funny yet tense moment as he stops just short of drinking the wine, distracted by Mortimer’s freakout over the phone. But Mortimer gets off the phone JUST in time to scare Gibbs away and stop him from drinking the wine. And it is...VERY funny, goddamn.

As Mortimer tries to tell the aunts exactly what’s wrong with what they’re doing, the phone rings. It’s a call from Witherspoon (Edward Everett Horton), who runs an asylum that Mortimer wants Teddy committed into. However, they don’t quite have room for him, as they have too many Theodore Roosevelts at present. However, they do need more Napoleon Bonapartes. I love this goddamn movie.

Still, Witherspoon agrees to take him in despite that, and Mortimer head out to get the paperwork done. However, he asks his aunts to not do anything until he gets back, and he also proises that he’ll attend the “services” for their latest victim. He leaves, and kinda steals a cabbie’s car in the process (I love this movie, I’m telling you), and Abby and Martha start shutting things down for the night. However, as they do, they get a mysterious knock on the door. They pretend not to be home...only for a man with an ominous scar to enter the room regardless.

Let’s pause here, shall we? See you in Part 2!

#arsenic and old lace #frank capra #joseph kesselring #cary grant #priscilla lane #raymond massey #jack carson #peter lorre #jean adait #josephine hull #john alexander #john ridgely #userveil #johnsonshildy #userkeanu #usersasha #user365 #comedy april #365days365movies #365 movie challenge #365 movies 365 days #365 Days 365 Movies #365 movies a year

[rebeccalouisaferguson]

Back to the Future – Glass talks to Swedish actor Rebecca Ferguson about her roles in Dune, Mission: Impossible and the lessons we can learn from spaghetti

Rebecca Ferguson is on location in Budapest, possibly dressed up as a sci-fi high priestess with glowing blue eyes and a three-pronged bouffant. Dune, Denis Villeneuve’s 2020 reinterpretation of David Lynch’s 1984 Frank Herbert adaptation, needs reshoots of its own, so Ferguson is talking to me over the phone in between takes from what sounds like a galaxy far, far away …

In accordance with “soon-to-be-released-Sci-Fi-epic” law, Dune is shrouded in secrecy. As yet there are no behind the scenes featurettes, and no leaked stills to give an insight into Villeneuve’s vision for Ferguson’s character, Lady Jessica, the age-agnostic mother of Timothée Chalamet’s cosmic hero, Paul Atreides.

So, I do the only thing you can do when imagining the new cast of a reboot and attach Ferguson’s disembodied head to the beheaded body of her Lady Jessica predecessor. Et voilà, Rebecca Ferguson: live from Budapest, possibly looking like a futuristic, blue eyed, heavily bouffanted, Lynchian high priestess.

She’s called back from a location with better phone coverage and we’re discussing cities, from the “incredible” (Budapest), to the inhabitable (London, Ferguson’s second home), via LA, which, putting it mildly, fits neither criteria in the 37-year-old’s glowing blue eyes. “The idea of moving to LA has never, ever, ever been on my agenda,” she declares.

The first thing that strikes you about Ferguson is that she’s passionate talking about practically everything. “Look, there are people I love, who love it there … and I get it. When people there look at you and smile, there is a joy,” she pauses, reliving early encounters with LA, and smiles … “And a happiness which is so lovely and endearing and light – but I can’t take it too long. I just want to smoke a cigarette and kind of blow it in someone’s face.” An apology seems on the tip of her tongue, but she decides it would ruin the joke, and merely says, “I don’t actually smoke, by the way.”

She spends much of the year in a Swedish fishing village – “a different world”, she says, possessing all the things she loves: row boats, the ocean, her friends, grilling fish and just the right amount of smiling and joy. Ferguson’s open and only slightly sardonic disdain for the folly of wanton joy suggests, to me, two things. One: that while she clearly loves Sweden, the place of her birth and homeland of her father, the English side of her mother is potent.

And two: the ability to “get in and get out”, as she puts it, remains a priority. As a teen, Ferguson was unknown to the world but famous in Sweden as the star of soap opera Nya Tider. When the show ended and she was 15, she got out. “I studied, had a beautiful child, worked in restaurants, shops, God … in hotels – I did everything.” Everything but act, other than a couple of minor, un-recurring TV roles and student films in exchange for free lunch.

“I never wanted to go to drama school, mainly because I didn’t want to be like every other Swede in film. Not to criticise Lars Norén or … Ingrid Bergman, but all I could think was ‘I don’t want to be a drama student with a fucking purple beret on my head, I don’t want to be like them’. I think, now, looking back, I was just terrified I wasn’t going to get in.”

Eleven years after Nya Tider, Ferguson starred in Swedish language film, A One-Way Trip to Antibes. “And that was the gateway for me.” Soon after she was cast as Queen Elizabeth in BBC period drama The White Queen, which was less a conveyer belt towards ‘the big time’ as it was a treadmill cranked to 11. But playing Queen Elizabeth on the BBC isn’t without its drawbacks – play the role well enough and the whole world will think you’re English.

Being called Rebecca Ferguson probably doesn’t help, and her English is too perfect to be considered a second language. Most of all, though, it’s to do with the version of Englishness that lives so prominently in Ferguson: her mother’s version. “My mother is quintessentially English,” she says. “When she came over to Sweden, words and expressions like ‘whoops-a-daisy, ‘holy moly’ and ‘kerfuffle’ still existed – it’s how she spoke and it became the natural way of speaking for me, too.”

It made Ferguson a convincing Brit, laying the groundwork for the most seamless England/Sweden switcheroo since Ferguson’s own mother integrated so adeptly into her adopted home that, in 1975, she was awarded the ultimate endorsement: appearing on the sleeve of an Abba album. And yet, beyond the whimsical lingo, Ferguson is neither stiff, stoical nor repressed – three fundamentals of Britishness.

On chat-shows, she’s gregarious and tactile and warm, and this confuses people who go by the “if it looks like a Brit and sounds like a Brit …” metric. It’s a little like painting a cat with black and white stripes and saying, “what’s wrong with that zebra and why is it such an outrageous flirt?” “I’ve seen those bloody comments! It’s so weird. It makes me think I should stop touching people altogether, which is sad because, you know … we’re here, we’re together, we’re human beings.”

The problem is, when your wagon’s hitched to a vehicle like Mission: Impossible, where each instalment is an event, and every instalment ends with the promise of another instalment (Episodes 7 and 8 are in the works), chat show appearances are unending. Rumour is that number seven will be filmed in space, which is a worthwhile trade for the talk-show couch merry-go-round, depending on where you stand on heights. “In space? That’s news to me, but with TC nothing surprises me.”

TC is, of course, Mr Mission Impossible: Tom Cruise. “So,” I ask her, would she do it? “I would probably say ‘fuck off’ to that. Heights are my greatest fear and I’m not doing cognitive therapy acting … then again, I never thought I would jump 40 metres off that house in Vienna (Mission: Impossible – Rogue Nation). That was bloody terrifying. But I did it … and got to do something that I never thought I would do, so maybe it is all just therapy?”

He’s a force of nature,” Ferguson says. “I’ve never met anyone like him.” There’s a unique fascination around Cruise, due to his personal life and the idea that the line separating him from his Mission Impossible character, Ethan Hunt, has become almost non-existent; that the actor has permanently morphed into the character, who now spends his days playing the role of the actor he once was. Which is a crazy suggestion, obviously, but Cruise is so intensely fascinating that I can’t help such ideas whirl through my head whenever I see him interviewed “out of character”.

I ask Ferguson what it’s like to have a relationship with someone so divisive, who invokes such strong opinions, and whether she feels strangely protective of Cruise. “I don’t think I can. I feel there’s no need to be protective of him. He’s powerful …  just the way he is. I feel like I’m supported by him all the time.” Nor does she tire of being asked about him. “He’s an interesting person to talk about, and a very interesting person to get to know.

The boyish charm, the need to always be doing fun things for everyone while making sure everyone feels safe … Sometimes we’ll start laughing and unbuckling our seatbelts just to fuck with him,” which weirdly is the only Tom Cruise anecdote I think I’ll ever need. “We’ve had some beautiful moments filming together.”

On which note, with our allotted 30 minutes long expired, I ask Ferguson what ‘together’ means to her, but she seems to have re-entered whatever foreign galaxy she started the interview in, and the question gets chewed up on its way over. She responds, “spaghetti?” which, after some clarification and deliberation, we decide to stick with, despite the kerfuffle. “Because togetherness is the opposite of isolation and segregation,” and nothing represents the importance of togetherness like than the profoundly sad sight of a lone strand of spaghetti.

by Charlie Navin-Holder

#rebecca ferguson #tom cruise #interview #photoshoot #nick thompson shoot #mi5 interview

[thatdamnokie]

so, as everybody knows, our man, the lovely mark strong, turned 57 this past august 5th

since the kingsman films have had a huge influence on several aspects of my day-to-day life (gee, wonder what group of people i could be referring to...), i decided to sit down and do something i’ve been thinking about since getting my medical card earlier this year: getting high as a kite and watching them back-to-back.

to celebrate mark’s birthday, i decided to do another running commentary post like the one i did for rocknrolla ages ago, under the cut. it’s a pretty similar style, which is to say not necessarily super coherent and might be hard to understand if you’ve never seen the movies. D:

there are some mentions of the roanoke society, but not many.

if even just one person finds this mildly entertaining for four seconds, then i’ll have done my job. there is a lot of cursing and this is NOT spoiler-free.

enjoy~

edited 9.1.20 to correct typos and such, please remember that i was Not Sober while i wrote this lmao

how many times have i watched these movies at this point? i don’t even know.  

i always liked the nifty like—retro arcade marv opening animation

and the thing with the tapes! we love book-ending devices!

kingsman: badass motherfuckers worldwide incorporated

like why was merlin even with them? i understand why lee and james would be there, but merlin, was he not acting quartermaster then?

i have SO MANY FEELINGS about lee unwin

i think it haunts harry and merlin more than anyone thinks, but these are fun spy movies so we just don’t talk about trauma and shit, don’tcha know

don’t look at how merlin tears up and tell me he doesn’t drink about it *HEAVILY* later

it’s such a stark contrast to see the 1990s interior vs. what it’s like when eggsy’s grown :(

michelle baby i’m so sorry. you deserved better than this.

and BABY EGGSY

omg. like this scene is both heartbreaking but is also adorable.

colin firth has gd anime legs, that dude had to straight up unfold himself as he stood up lmao

aaannnnd swooping logo, whooooo, goin’ over some mountains~

and mark hamill, ladies and gentlemen!

this whole thing with james deciding to kinda go rogue makes me wish that we knew more about his backstory as well. like, is this james being james, or was this a weird one-off situation and he was just unlucky?

YES unlucky. nobody could plan for the hurricane of sleek destruction that is gazelle

who has one of my favorite aesthetic designs as a villain (although i guess i’d put her more on maybe henchman level? but idk, it seems like valentine looked at her more as a partner, less like an assistant? and they had a very interesting chemistry together too, like i would’ve added more valentine x gazelle scenes)

i would LOVE to be this chill about just—draping blankies over bodies

blankies over bodies sounds like a cool band name

DIBS you guys can’t have it

i am SO GLAD samuel l. jackson gave valentine a lisp!

valentine, to me, does fit a lot of the usual spy movie villain tropes

but since this movie doesn’t take itself super serious, it’s more fun than annoying

and we never hear about any of the other knights?? like

half of this is just gonna be me whining for additional footage that there just wouldn’t have been room for realistically lmao

michael caine, you are lovely

MARK STRONG, LADIES AND GENTLEMAN

WITH LEGS THAT DON’T QUIT AND AN ACCENT THAT I’D DIE FOR

i’m an embarrassment

like let’s all stop and thank god that mark didn’t have time to learn the welsh accent

not that i would’ve been disappointed, because all accents are good accents on this blog

but at this point i can’t imagine merlin as—not scottish

“try picking a more suitable candidate this time”

arthur you DICK

like were you this cold-blooded when lee died, you fuckin’ reptilian-ass son of a bitch

no wonder you were charlie’s pledge person thing

and enter the fabulous taron egerton, stage left!

DEAN you are DISGUSTING

god, michelle, you need better friends, if you were my bro this entire relationship would’ve never happened

;-; and eggsy’s so sweet with his sister! i know there probably wasn’t “room” for it but i AM glad that there are scenes showing that family is one of eggsy’s kinda “core values”or whatever you want to call it

dude is a hufflepuff through and through imo

can you imagine eggsy as a villain? we would be so fucked. he’s sly, he’s smart, he could’ve made life v e r y difficult for lots of people if he really wanted to

but look at him with the squad!

eggsy’s just like the british version of a good ol’ boy

this car scene is some dukes of hazzard bullshit (ramp-jumping and fun car horn aside)

if butterflies are harry’s main symbolic critter, would foxes be eggsy’s? or would it be a pug instead? i guess that’s like asking if harry would be either a butterfly or a cairn terrier, like mr. pickle. let’s say both.

this fandom is pretty on top of character associations like that

you get symbolic associations! YOU get symbolic associations! EVERYONE gets symbolic associations whether they’re actually in the canon or not! don’t have any? don’t worry, we’ll assign you at least one!

the guy playing the interviewing officer is ALSO the patriarch in the witch which i didn’t realize until—like, a while after

and it was while @circlesofbone​ was visiting, and we were just “oh, okay, guess we can’t escape this cast at all, this is fine”

“your father saved my life.”

harry you’re such a fucking peacock, waiting all posted up and posing so you’ll look cool

you big doofus

i’d kill to be inside his head during this first conversation with eggsy though

like is eggsy like lee? is harry seeing lee the entire time he’s talking to his son, in his mannerisms, how he carries himself, how he speaks?

or is eggsy the opposite? which—i don’t know if that would somehow be sadder?

there’s just a lot going on in the background of this bit that’s left up to interpretation

“although i’m sure it’s well-founded—“

harry’s just so casual about this entire thing, nobody’s that casual without practice

harry you rabble-rouser, what kind of life have you led

“manners. maketh. man.”

our timeless motto, my flowers

kingsman STILL to this DAY has some of the most well-choreographed fight scenes i’ve ever seen??

like yeah the church scene but even just this initial bar fight

harry could’ve been a dancer

in a way i guess he already is

like he moves so fluidly and gracefully, it is BONKERS

colin you did so good! i’m so proud!

the way eggsy’s just O.O

whether or not you ship hartwin, like, you gotta admit, that was hot

and his BODY LANGUAGE, he’s sitting like RAMROD straight, this poor dude lmao

nobody prepares you for a situation like that in public school is all i’m saying

harry, exiting stage left like a suave, smooth motherfucker

remember when iggy azalea was relevant

ugghhhh i hate this part

“I WASN’T WITH NO ONE”

can you imagine being harry hart listening to your dead friend’s son getting the shit beat out of him

like, surely he heard the cleaver, he knows dean was going to fucking gut eggsy right?

listen to how cold and icy his voice gets, oof

yeah, he’s pissed, and dean is lucky

PARKOUR

ugh, i want to go to london ;-; i want to walk in front of the shop and visit harry’s house and kiss cute english boys

i’d like to think harry’s super excited to show eggsy everything but he’s gotta keep it dialed back because “decorum”

the way eggsy pauses though

“come on.”

and he says it so softly.

if i was eggsy, i’d be nervous, too.

but i didn’t realize how quickly harry tries to give off signals like “hey there’s no reason to be scared.”

“like my fair lady?” “well, you’re full of surprises.” <3 one of my favorite sceneeesss.

harry’s voice is so soothing but eggsy is so freaked out by the elevator that he’s just—there’s no room for anything else beyond processing the elevator lmao

“how deep does this fucking thing go?” asking the real questions

aannnddd KINGSMAN BULLET TRAIN

i’d like to think they have like soft jazz or something playing in there

and then they get to the hangar and there are obviously a buuuuunch of people out on the tarmac that we just—never hear about? i just assume they’re all like technical officers or maybe other agents

“your father had the same look on his face. … as did i.”

harry is already rooting for him.

“late again, sir.”

that. brogue.

fuck, i could listen to him talk for hours, scottish accents are my favorite thing

#squadgoals

not a very diverse cast :/

the body bag speeeeech

and of course nobody was in any actual danger, but merlin doesn’t want them to know that so he becomes mr. hard as steel, i am emotionally stoic at all times, do not test me you bunch of rugrats

“classic army technique.”

ROXY

ROXY I WANT TO JUST HOLD YOU IN MY ARMS TT.TT

aannnnddd charlie, also

who we might’ve found sympathy for if we knew aaannyytthiinnggg else about his backstory

like, could he just be Like That, yeah

but most people i know who are assholes like that are that way because their parents were first /shrug/

can hardly fault the dude for turning out like that when poison was all he was given to drink

anyone else a hundred percent positive they would’ve drowned in the first trial

i would absolutely have panicked and bit it

but then again, i’m not kingsman material, i’m roanoke

and if this is the exact same test that merlin and harry went through, does that mean there might be some weird drowning trauma hidden back in there that’s just ANOTHER thing we’re not gonna talk about?

(yes the correct answer is yes)

god that’s such an american response to the problem though

glass can’t cause problems if it’s in a million pieces!

“yeah you can wipe those smirks off your faces…”

i wonder if there was ever a situation where a trainee actually drowned

and i don’t mean like amelia, i mean some poor kid who just failed the test

merlin knows how to put the fear of god in people though!

and mark strong, very handsome, yes, very scary, also yes

he and colin both look like they’re 80 percent leg in every single scene

harry literally had brain matter smatter ALL OVER HIS FACE and still somehow had the mental facilities to be aware of those dudes, leave a bomb and dive out of a window (and then escape said dudes)

billy badass, y’all

“just get it done.” okay, i took back what i said earlier, maybe he does see her as more of an assistant, less than a partner. their relationship is weird.

the puppy scene!

“it’s a bulldog innit?”

YASSSS the golden trio

because of what happened with our other canon charlie has become a weird character for me to watch, like, yeah, i “watch” charlie be himself in tss but the charlie i “see” is like—”our” charlie.

“bollocks!” and then he just runs with jb in his vest, makes me smile

aannddd we see valentine’s super cool factory

harry your hair gets so long <3

“water!” wow, who wants to bet that the fact he was instantly screaming means that maybe he’s gonna have some stuff to talk about in therapy later

roxy baby i’m sorry they made you hold the balloon and have to trust these dumbasses to not shoot you on accident

i would trust roxy to not shoot me

i love, love love valentine’s house

it’s gorgeous

set design is always such a cool way for filmmakers to include details about a character using pure aesthetics and i’m such a slut for it

tilde!

see also: one of the characters done the WORST by these movies imo!

the fact that she not only says no, she says no with enthusiasm and gets blatantly pissed, is one of the best insights we get into tilde’s character and then it just—gets wasted

like it takes three steps and then gets mowed down in the hallway like her guards

i would never be given the opportunity to be asked if i wanted an implant but i draw the line at having stuff put into my neck

awwww harry’s so proud!

that finger point “yeah, see, be more like your uncle”

merlin is SO TALL

“a bit much innit?”

he’s just—tapping a normal clipboard

… nobody wanna talk about how that’s a normal clipboard

anyway

i also love how they show him in professor sweaters for the beginning acts of the movie

definitely a softer aesthetic than one would guess for a dude who apparently did field missions sometime within the past decade or so, but i also have a theory that lee’s death directly contributed to merlin maybe being the man behind the screen as opposed to afield

because trauma is a thing but this is a FUN movie so we’re NOT gonna talk about it

“you’re gonna be all right. you’re top of the class!” this was the scene that made my mom a reggsy shipper

regardless of how you feel about them as a couple, their friendship is one of the best things about this movie, along with their dynamic with charlie, asjdnaskdjna WHY could we not have had a trio movie instead

eggsy you show-off “lemme just throw my arms up and dip outta this plane like it’s not a big deal”

roxy you can do it!

ugh, there goes my baby, off to have a near-death experience under merlin’s immediate supervision lmao

“good girl, rox, glad you made it!”

guys, they’re just kids.

i love this big group scene because it reminds us that these are just young folks, still

“my, my, you’re all very cheerful...”

“rufus, come on!” dude eggsy—and not even just eggsy, charlie and rox too--at least made an attempt at teamwork. you get points for that bro

but man, for all they know, they’re about to beef it in a very permanent way, i’d be freaking out too

merlin getting caught up in the drama

because again, he’s supposed to know that eggsy has a parachute

i think he wasn’t prepared for these two to get that close to not making it and that’s why we see him break face and drop his mug

*WHAM*

i HATE the sound of them landing

it’s not like you can hear bones breaking but it hurts me, guys

and then there were three

plus one daddy long legs quartermaster

“if you have a complaint you come here and you whisper it in my ear.”

yes SIR

“you need to take that chip off your shoulder.”

merlin coming’ in with the tough love portion of the kingsman core squad

there’s no reason for me to think harry’s persona was inspired by cruella de ville somehow but i do anyway

she reveals the mcdonald’s and valentine is just :D

idk if he was expecting a specific reaction or was just excited to see a reaction period

valentine is definitely a fun villain, which, given the tone of the movie, makes sense, it’s all supposed to be fun

one of the reasons i love kingsman is that it’s like, this golden ray of goofy cinematic fuckery in a world of grim!dark remakes and other superhero/spy films who are presented as more serious stories

“and thank you for such a—happy, meal.”

harry got a puppy smile

but see, then, here at his house he’s a lot more relaxed with gazelle! like, patting her butt, etc.

maybe what we see of their relationship is dependent on setting, because valentine himself has it compartmentalized?

perrrrrrhaps

“and i am never, EVER GOING TO AGREE!”

tilde, you deserved better, and i think all the weird hate you get from our ohana is unfair

you don’t twist a runner’s ankle before the race starts and then get mad when they don’t win

your story was mishandled from the beginning

asmr: hanging out with the golden trio watching worrying news in the kingsman trainee bunker room

the way he says “biblical sense” lmao

i have never been able to figure out if the way he says that line is supposed to infer spiritual respect, or lack of it, but i might be looking too into it

“it’s an acquired taste, mate.”

what—what would you even do if you were at a club and three people as hot as taron, ed and sophie all came up and start talking to you at the same time

like i know the target got up and left pretty quick because of the training exercise

but i’d be doing it because i’m ugly and if three hot people are all talking me up at a bar something is Bad and Wrong

which—the CAHONES on both eggsy and roxy

they both literally said “yeah i’m willing to die for this organization that hasn’t even given me a permanent place yet, what of it”

look at harry’s dimples in this scene, he is fighting a huge grin, he’s SO PROUD

i know that charlie’s response is supposed to be just more fodder into the “charlie hesketh is a tool” fire

but given that i’m not unconvinced that his home life wasn’t super shitty, like—

idk, this makes this scene a lot less fun to me. it makes it sad.

like, maybe charlie didn’t even want to be there deep down, maybe this was all for like, arthur, or his dad, or some other person he looked up to

and the way merlin looks when he tells charlie to go home, the way that he’s kinda grimacing? i’m wondering if he’s along the same kind of feeling. he’d know more about charlie’s history

have i also mentioned how much i love harry’s war room?

“YES harry!”

an evil plan is being born!

“true nobility is being superior to your former self.”

eggsy is still in his club clothes, so like—has he slept? y’all let those kids sleep after fucking drugging them, right? … guys?

“—when one is popping ones cherry.”

and eggsy is just CHEESING he is SO EXCITED

am i the only one who wants to learn more about the store clerk guy though?

he’s like the one person around who’s legit just there to run the shop

has no idea about any of the spy stuff happening

his name is donald, he’s married with three children and has two spaniels he loves

“THAT is sick.”

i would KILL for this room.

i don’t need anything in here for any reason but still

foreshadowing, foreshadowing, foreshadowing, more foreshadowing—

harry is such a NERD

“put it back, eggsy.”

the amount of self-control it would take to not have a sudden change in expression in that moment, omg

i wonder how THAT gets trained up in kingsman

“i guarantee it.” ha, get it, it’s a reference to that one commercial

“y’all—talk so funny.”

and this all means that they had a contact at that hat shop and got all that info to them before valentine got there, and somehow made sure he did end up buying a hat that they could also successfully put a bug on, how deep does this goooooo

“jack bauer?”

it says a lot about eggsy that out of all the jb’s it could’ve been, it was jack

uggghhhhhh of course they HAD to do this scene with eggsy with arthur

obviously harry couldn’t do it

i just think most of us would NOT be fans of arthur at this point in the movie, we’re all rooting for eggsy, like, he needs this moment with this other character because we gotta drive home that he’s an asshole

also—would have absolutely failed that test

and i’m not sorry at all

“welcome to kingsman--lancelot.”

i was really happy that it was a female agent who ended up getting the handle

aannddd more echoes of past scenes, man, nobody can say that this crew wasn’t intentional with their cinematography

when eggsy rolls the window down you can see his chest moving up and down, like, he is MAD

dean you asshole

so no wonder he gets so pissed that the car suddenly decides “nope, no, we’re not doing this, c’mon”

this entire conversation at harry’s house is—tense

and you don’t pick up on it the first time, i don’t think, but uh

i’m seeing it now

harry’s not just mad, he’s hurt, and eggsy’s furious but he’s also maybe regretting his actions.

it’s these two men who are rapidly trying to figure out their headspaces and trying to figure out how to navigate this situation with each other

and the way eggsy tries to apologize ;-;

kentucky is a beautiful state, actually

ohhhhhh y’alllll

we’re at the churrrccchhhh

we’re gettin’ closer to the coolest part of the movieeeee

it’s telling that gazelle was trying to make sure that they’d be safe

“… so hail satan, and have a lovely afternoon madame.”

the most metal lines colin firth has ever uttered on camera

the siren noise after it’s switched on bothers me in a way i can’t quite articulate

it might be because i have silent hill-colored trauma, who knows

FREEEEEE

BIIIRRRDDDDDDD

THE GREATEST ACTION TRACKING SHOT IN THE HISTORY OF CINEMA

but then eggsy and merlin are reacting aaaanndddd it’s—a lot less fun

because you realize that they’re watching their bro mercilessly slaughter innocent people and not stopping

and still not stopping

and still not stopping

but plot twist, i’m really glad they kept the track going, because if they’d suddenly picked *this* part of the scene to get serious, that would’ve brought the mood down so low that i don’t think there would’ve been any bouncing back

i just

how do people exist who aren’t attracted to harry hart

that man is a machine

and colin worked so hard to be able to do the scene himself, and that work SHOWS, that man cuts a FIGURE

i don’t know how they managed to somber it up just the right amount, either? maybe because they waited for the “fun action sequence” to be over so there wouldn’t need to be noise that had to be masked by a fun rock track?

“… what did you do to me.”

i cannot imagine what harry was feeling in that moment.

the way he spoke it was like he didn’t even have time to be afraid to die

“that tends to happen when you shoot somebody in the head. feels good, right?”

“no, it does not feel good!”

i love that exchange because we normally hear the opposite.

also—whiplash.

mark has this way of expressing grief without showing any—blatant signs.

like merlin’s not especially tearful, or crying, but his eyes look MASSIVE. and SAD. and he has just the tiiiiiniest tremor in his voice.

and eggsy, dude, like, we’ve all had it come on us really quick and suddenly it’s like your chest is pumping like a piston and when did it get so hard to breathe?

ARTHUR you REPULSE me

like look at how egssy’s shoulders sag when he realizes that arthur isn’t on his team

and in a way, this is eggsy’s final test as a kingsman trainee, imo

do you realize how quickly he had to assess what was happening and figure out what to do, all without arthur noticing?

“you are all alone. it is all up to you. remember all you have learned. good luck.”

it’s a very—almost horror-esque situation from that pov

and he passed with flying colors to go on his first true mission, because after he puts on the suit, that’s his visual cue of graduating, if that makes sense

that’s the knight putting on his armor.

“i’d rather be with harry. thanks.”

“so be it.”

*click*

me: *laughing at arthur’s big dumb stupid head*

… man i’d love a replica of that decanter and glasses set though

not to mention that eggsy recognized the flaws in arthur’s character and weaponized them, which is a whole other level of shit that isn’t necessarily easy; he knew that arthur carried the kind of pride that would leave him open

god, he looks so exhausted though when rox has him at gunpoint.

i think he was being pretty serious, about harry

sick helipaaaaaaad

that thing looks vaguely like a rock-‘em sock-‘em robot but in pieces though

more grandpa sweaters <3

man. you can see roxy swallow, you know she’s scared, but then she just sets her jaw and—

roxy baby you are the best i love you

i like the vintage vibe of the mountain lair

i think that’s another visual poke at the aesthetic themes of some of the older, og spy flicks out there

merlin looks SO LANKY walking back to the plane for some reason??

he stays until the last second for roxy. that’s love right there.

“a bespoke suit always fits.”

which can be good spiritual life advice too but that’s a separate conversation

“what the fuck is WRONG with you people?”

and his fuckin’ disco ball

uuggggghhhhh his speech reminds me of so many… “public figures” that i dislike

even though it’s obviously a bad thing that the chips are everywhere, i appreciate that phones and such are being shown in a positive manner (like, michelle talking to someone in the park, people at a ball game taking selfies, people at the beach, etc.) because i get so sick of that anti-tech boomer humor tbh

and the big reveal of eggsy in his suitttt

A KNIGHT IS BORN

“how’s the view?”

“hideous.”

you’re allowed to be crabby baby, you just let it out.

“lookin’ good, eggsy.”

“feelin’ good, merlin.”

merlin is so calm heading into the fortress and i don’t know if it’s because he’s very, very good at compartmentalizing and that’s genuinely how he is at the moment or if he’s that way through extreme self-control and effort

he can rock a pilot’s uniform though

just like eggsy can rock a suit

they’re both so handsome, help

i also wonder how eggsy’s feeling right then

like, i’d imagine that the pressure of having to perform a role to literally save the world would be enough to distract him from the bite of grief

that’s—probably enough to distract everyone, tbh

i a hundred percent believe there are breakdowns we don’t see

i wonder if eggsy told tilde he’d spoken to lindstrum(sp?) after everything was said and done

like, that’d be some kind of weird foreshadowing in hindsight

this scene is anxiety-inducing in a big way so to distract myself i imagine roxy as a mech pilot

dude i’d totally watch sophie in a role like that, like, let her be in a movie like pacific rim, she’d kick ass

and now we have The Chaos

otherwise known as that point when Everything Is Happening All At Once All The Time

also a thing that doesn’t exist in spy movies: hearing damage

because like his voice is right in eggsy’s ear and without it he’d have a LOT harder time surviving

imagine being an agent, merlin trying to talk to you, but something either hits your ear or goes off right next to it and suddenly it’s just silent

SYSTEM FAILURE

YAAASSSSS

WE WIN

GGOOOAAAAALLLLLL

THE AUDIENCE IS DOING THE WAVE

except JUST KIDDING

The Chaos 2 Electric Boogaloo!

merlin with a huge gun: hot, also, very scary

eggsy is just 10000% done

“this is mine. i’ll show you yours.”

i wonder who e man was supposed to be that valentine called.

like is that a reference to a real person that i just did’t catch?

… elon musk? maybe? idk

eggsy slides like a gd anime character

when he uses the rainmaker, it’s just like harry’s protecting him from somewhere else

(oh—wait, technically kentucky, i guess)

“merlin, i’m fucked.” you can hear the anger there. not only did he fail, but he—and everyone else—is about to die

but this? this is the pinnacle of eggsy showing himself as a kingman agent

he was staring death straight in the mouth and STILL

SOMEHOW

REMEMBERED THE IMPLANTS

so i guess if i say that the moment when he puts on the suit is when he becomes a true agent, then maybe this is the moment when he becomes galahad.

*bobs head to pomp & circumstance*

i remember getting a huge kick out of how colorful they made this

because in real life you know a bunch of people literally blowing up would be like—DISGUSTING

viscera everywhere

no fun rainbow mushroom clouds

“i’ve always wanted to kiss a princess.”

ANOTHER knight reference, very clever matthew

mmmmm Do Not Like that noise

aaaannndddd *that* line

which—maybe that’s mr. vaughn’s sense of humor, or what he thinks the sense of humor his core demographic has, idk

but it always kinda rubbed me the wrong way

the mass brawl scenes are edited so like--jarringly compared to the other fight scenes in the movie

that’s probably for a reason

also, a showdown to the tune of something disco: kind of another trope homage

this shot of gazelle is so sick, i love everything about it, she is so cool

this entire fight with eggsy is awesome tbh

we got a little bit of what gazelle can look like in combat earlier with tilde’s guards, but now we get this epic showdown seeing her at her full potential against someone who’s actually a challenge

and the way valentine is shouting for her to kick his ass from upstairs and yelling encouragement lmao that’s how real friends act when there’s a fight

daisy ;-; ugh, that’s the visual gutpunch that makes it juuuuuust serious enough by reminding us of the stakes

which is why it’s fitting that then we see the Slo-Mo K.O.

and that smile with the fun little chimes in the back, lmao

and eggsy, quick on his feet again byyyy being quick on gazelle’s feet—foot—whatever

man, impalement deaths are always fun.

coulda done without the vomiting but that’s also one of valentine’s quirks that makes him different from a cookie cutter villain

aaannddd have a heavy sigh from merlin

that dude needs a full-body massage and a drink

“is this where you say some really bad pun?”

reminder: i love that this movie is self-aware! i could not picture a super serious kingsman movie! i just picture something depressing!

there had to have been a better option besides—this, for this eggsy/tilde ending scene

i’m not saying i’m mad it ended with them fucking, i’m mad that the extent of the joke was anal and that was it.

also the idea of my boss possibly seeing me having sex would have me a little more concerned about the hardware on my face, but okay??

aannddd the tapes.

gah, we love visual throwbacks!

we love being able to see that despite all this growth and change, family remains very important to eggsy—he hasn’t changed into a different person, he has grown more into himself than ever before! THIS! THIS is eggsy unwin!

… GET READY FOR IT

time for tgc! (and to get into my roanoke feels, maybe, this is the nexus where our canons connect)

the BAGPIPES

okay

i did not stop to consider how unpleasant this was going to be to watch stoned but we’re gonna power through it and get through it together

if i cry i cry

the way the music swells into the main theme <3

and the perfect reveal for our boy eggsy!

reflected in gold, looking sharper than broken glass

and SUDDENLY CHARLIE

the pacing in tgc leads me to believe that matthew had huge plans for this movie, and a lot of cool stuff probably ended up on the cutting room floor for time

i also love that they brought charlie back

i love his voice box and his cool robot arm

and i’m not just saying that because it made it super easy to blend him into our canon, either, this is like—charlie’s evil twin in terms of his new aesthetic, the contrast is really cool

YYAASSSS THIS SCENE

WITH PRINCE PLAYING??

*CHEF’S KISS*

like we are IMMEDIATELY thrown back into the gold parts of it all, like how physics is a little broken so we can do cool shit like have a knockdown drag-out fight all within the space of a small cab

i wonder what would’ve hurt charlie worse—being thrown onto his organic side, or having all his weight land on his metal arm if it hadn’t disattached

but then he’s up and standing so i guess we’re fine?

MERLIN! <3

otherwise known as the character entrance that literally changed my life

i try not to think about it too much or i get weirded out

ANYWAY

(and to think i almost never even saw the movie)

Sick Car Chase, Bro

and as an american, like, everything’s on the opposite side to me, it’s stressful to watch a little bit

“i seem to remember in your training you were rather good at holding your breath.”

man, that’s uh—kind of a macabre thing to say, merlin

just a little bit

i’m not even gonna attempt to hold my breath to see if i’d survive this scene just assume i’m dead in that universe

we all live in a kingsman subarmine, a kingsman submarine, a kingsman submarine~~

“not boasting, but i trained him well enough that even he wouldn't mess that up.”

merlin are you okay??

gah, i love that chest-deep laugh though.

is it real love if they won’t crawl through the sewer to get to your house in time

i love that harry’s house looks basically the same

i know they talk about eggsy not wanting to change anything in the novelization but i haven’t read it yet so I’m not a hundred percent sure what all is in there

and we still get to see him hanging with his friends, and his girlfriend, like, this dude is still all about the family

“wwwwOOOOO!”

i love this group so much omg

for as much as he’s galahad, he’s still eggsy

the transition in the weed bag looks super cool

… oh, i guess watching this while high makes the main storyline hit a bit different

welp

i love that poppy is an aesthetic slut and really doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s opinion about how she makes her space

like, “i want a big 50s-style diner with a gourmet kitchen that i can cook people in, soooooo i’m getting one”

it’s also refreshing to see julianne moore in a bad guy role!

not that i’m super familiar with her filmography but i feel like i’ve mostly seen her cast as like a good guy?

i could be wrong

awwwww jet and bennie!

there’s so much to love about this set

cannibalism and the fact that she bulldozed jungle to build all this aside (suspend that belief!)

the breakfast sceeeeeene

it’s so bittersweet, for obvious reasons

and it’s more evidence that he’s not super ready to move on into new territory yet, like making new memories with tilde that ring close to home

“i wish i could have met him.”

and the way he has to turn away, ugh.

eggsy. i’m sorry.

tilde, i’m sorry, too. you had good intentions, but they lost against his pain.

michael gambdon! the new arthur we didn’t know we wanted until we got him.

charlie had a moral glo-down, it’s fine, happens to everybody

FFFFFF his imitation of merlin lmfao

man, poor charlie, like

you wake up, you can’t make a sound, your arm has been blown off and your family’s dead

like his reaction to that entire scenario isn’t entirely unrealistic, i’m just saying

also LOOK AT ROX

omg everyone in this movie can wear the FUCK out of suit, y’all

man, i’ve gotten a few tattoos that were exquisitely painful—i can’t imagine how much it would suck to do it with literal molten metal

dude this means clara laid on her stomach and probably screamed at the floor as she got hers D:

this kinda—riffs off of hannibal, a teeny-tiny bit

like we’re so overloaded with the aesthetics and behavior of a certain character so it’s like, we forget about the much darker parts untillllll there’s a mood change and we’re looking at that dude’s legs, to the burger this other dude puts in his mouth, and thinking “oh, oh dear, ew”

i love eggsy in the orange jacket <3 snaps for the wardrobe crew across this series.

tilde’s face, omg, she was heart-eyeing so bad. and like, that little proud nod at her dad (who was of course being Like That on purpose)

and roxy, coming in in the clutch, you are tonight’s MVP

uggghhhhh i hate this part

because again, it’s just--a bunch of bad shit colliding outside of anyone’s control

(it was also really jarring seeing the war room with blank walls the first time i watched this)

like—granted, you should maybe not touch stuff that’s not yours, but…

like we *just* saw eggsy and brandon in a very casual, intimate scene with each other, how can anyone get angry with brandon?

this is all stress-inducing

i remember being in the theater watching this and feeling like i was watching some awful slow motion car wreck and i couldn’t look away

idk what other story i would’ve wanted to see but i was NOT a fan of Sudden Death For Christmas, especially concerning roxy!

and poppy is such a *bright* villain, not just because of taste but because of her personality, which is another weird thing to have next to the cannibalism

gaaahhhh charlieeee your arm is so cooooool

this shot is gorgeous and incredibly depressing.

what do you do?

gah, and the way merlin comes out of the dark, like

i probably would’ve drawn a gun on him too

“you think *i* would?”

this scene shows 1. how much he trusts eggsy to not shoot him, and/or 2. how good merlin is at compartmentalizing, because this is an even bigger blow than harry’s death, and he’s following the protocol like it’s an art form

i hope that we see some reference to this safe in the next movie, that’d be a cool way to tie the narratives all together

“i suppose that must be upper class humor. … i don’t get it.”

reminder, merlin is working class.

if you’re a ho for this fandom and went and bought this whiskey specifically because of this movie clap your hands *clap clap*

and they proceed to just get HAMMERED

“country rooaaddsss… take me hoooooome…”

another reminder: kentucky is a beautiful state!

i would love to tour a whiskey distillery, that’d be super cool

“shame it’s not scotch”

again, with his weird night vale clipboard.

who would win: two highly-trained kingsman agents vs. one (1) cowboy

channing tatum, ladies and gentlemen!

“y’all look damn sharp!”

i am forever gonna be mad we didn’t get more of tequila in this movie, and not just because of roanoke either, but like, “that dog don’t hunt,” whatever he has in his mouth sealed a leak in a barrel, and it took him all of two minutes to incapacitate both eggsy AND merlin? hello??

i’m glad we’ll get to see more of him in the another movie.

“you know why the measurement of alcohol is called proof?”

just dumping it on their laps, so disrespectful

“—and you can go fuck yourself.”

eggsy fucking just giggling.

these two doofuses

also it’s hot to see merlin be sassy ngl

“HARRY!”

these guys have been fast thinkers in stressful situations but as it turns out, people being unexpectedly not dead can kinda fuck with your day

aaannddd halle berry, everybody! i love ginger ale omg

(and so does merlin, he is instantly enchanted)

;-; this reunion scene

i don’t know how colin manages to be two completely different people at once

like there’s a huge difference between former agent galahad and harry hart the lepidopterist and i can’t explain it

i really, really hope we see at least one little hint at kinsman’s relationship with statesman in the new movie, i just think it’d be really cool

in roanoke canon, there’s an office rumor that the nanobot tech used by statesman was influenced directly by the same technology developed by dr. wernicke in the outlast games. i still think it’s one of my better crossover ideas.

also

god bless whoever decided to get elton john involved with all this?? because i was DELIGHTED

i love poppy’s wardrobe as much as i love her weird 50s-land in the jungle

i also really love the main statesman theme? it reminds me of all those fun epic westerns

jeff bridges! :D

champ vaguely reminds me of my dad

“can you imagine us in the tailor business?”

and he’s super quick with the questions. my headcanons for champ are all over the place but one that i really like is that he was maybe a sheriff or in law enforcement before being recruited by statesman.

aaanndddd pedro pascal, everybody!

otherwise known as *another* character that this movie did dirty, that’ll probably come up in this later

imagine being harry hart, not remember all of yourself, and suddenly your entire room just—fills with water

that had to have been so terrifying, and it was just as hard for merlin to watch (and possibly remember something unpleasant)

and like

that sounds like SUCH bullshit, too, like “yeah we thought if you came close to drowning it would help”

which, is that what merlin meant, no, but is that what harry heard, probably

enter jb the second ;-; <3 sweet baby

tilde’s trying so hard. i see you!

aha, penis jokes.

and all of the unnecessary weird festival stuff, uuggghh

there are so many different things they could have done, like, all of this is just weird from the get-go

first of all, whiskey striking out? hello?? saying no to a man like mr. pascal???

not realistic

the way whiskey takes a shot as he walks away lmao, relatable

and poor clara, like, it’s not like she was asking for any of this D:

hmmmmmmm don’t know how i feel being a stoner watching other stoners get this blue rash thing when i know it kills some of themmmmmmm

i love charlie in his newsboys cap!

poppy has a little bit of a point. like, booze is way more dangerous than pot, as is tobacco. like i would never advocate anyone try meth or heroin, but i think weed and some hallucinogenics get bad wraps.

seeing a dude get torn in half in the reflection of elton john’s sunglasses is the surprising bit of gore we need to remember that oh, yeah, the villain isn’t fun, she’s a murderer

uuggghhhh the TENT SCENE

and, look, i’ll defend tilde forever, but i did NOT like the weird marriage ultimatum. i still think it’s a dick move, like, in that situation either decide to trust your boyfriend or break up with him

the tent interior is super cool-looking

and like, man, he tried, he tried to bounce D:

/sigh/ work hazards, i guess

mmmmmm we don’t need any of what’s happening on screen right now so i’ll just sit patiently and wait for it to be over

and like, there’s nothing funny about merlin and ginger being able to hear everything that’s going on, it’s so grosssss, poor ginger has to have heard some shit before to be so nonchalant about it

everything about this sucks

and then he tries going to the one person who he needs the most and having to deal with him still existing in some state between alive and dead

his body is here

but harry is not

“maggots turn into flies, perhaps you mean larvae!” :D he is SO CUTE

but this entire conversation, with harry still not remembering and eggsy trying so hard to reach him through the fog, is so depressing

like, i’d need a drink too

*and* a joint

i’m seeing my coping mechanisms on screen here folks

the way he comes up with the idea is kinda ingenious though

like, he’s looking at stuff to make himself bummed on purpose, but therein he finds the thing he needs to fix the issue

harry’s smile when eggsy hands him the puppy TT.TT

and then eggsy just becomes a stone cold motherfucker with no emotions

“no one’s sick enough to shoot a puppy!”

hi, flashback!harry

and as SOON as he remembers himself, it’s like his eyes are different, something about him looks like it did before kentucky

“… eggsy.”

one of my favorite movie hugs

and eggsy has to stand on his tiptoes because harry’s so tall

like yeah merlin and harry’s reunion isn’t as overtly emotional, but there’s definitely a sense of joy and relief there.

harry my baby ;-; much better with the sunglasses (and merlin was so close to telling him he looked spectacular)

“now is that any way to welcome a visit from outta town, moonshine?”

he! tried! to! defend! harry!

i hate that jack got a villain story line!

we could’ve had something so much better and infinitely more compelling!

“hurrrr durrrr morgan you just like redemption arcs because you don’t want anybody being a villain permanently” i also like them because sometimes that’s better writing, y’all sit down

“that is NOT what i call a kentucky welcome.”

i love so many things happening in this scene, like

we get to see whiskey kick ass, like yassss gimme those sweet action sequences and give us some character development by showcasing his fighting style

and also NOBODY shits on harry for not being able to handle the situation. both eggsy and merlin were like “dude we’re still celebrating the fact that you’re alive tbh it’s fine if you’re not back up to speed right this second”

you can really tell that this was penned by british people writing american slang because having grown up in the southern half of the u.s. i have never ONCE heard ANYONE say shit like “i feel like a tornado in a trailer park” lmao

and poppy’s fun little death threat infomercial, so great

“what have you done to me you FUCKING BITCH” oof, that’s a mood

!!!!! gonna be honest i kinda forgot that bruce greenwood plays the president

okay but save lives, legalize isn’t an entirely bad idea tbh

hnnnnnnng the scenes about people not being able to get into the hospital hits different in the year of our lord 2020 huh

… y��all i’m being weirded out by all this hospital scenes, this is unpleasant

i, too, wish i could pull a tequila and just be slipped into a chilly coma until shit wasn’t so fucked up

“the fact is, this presidency has won the war on drugs!”

THIS SCENE!

look, y’all can come into my inbox and call me a pothead, or a lazy stoner, or some third insult, but this dude’s VP is bringing up some very, VERY important points when it comes to any kind of discussion about drug use in the u.s.

am i drug-friendly, sure, but i’m more friendly to the notion that we stop demonizing addicts/users

harry looks fucking SCANDALIZED when he sees champ spit into his spittoon thing

i don’t think whiskey even brought up harry not being ready to return to the field in an insulting manner, he literally just saw him get his ass beat in a bar, but eggsy’s faith and loyalty are up there in the category of unstoppable force/immovable object, so here we are

am i the only one curious about the whole charlie x clara thing? because he’s definitely grown up a bit by tgc, and i wanna know how much of that might be because of clara

and he MISSES, e for effort harry

“so sorry about this—“ WHAM

and now that guy can say colin firth busted his face with a fire extinguisher, which is very cool

“*you’re* wu ting feng?” “… yes?”

“you motherFUCKER” ohhhhhh charlie maaaaaad

ginger and merlin though, #couplegoals

the only person more pissed off about the hallucinations than everyone else is harry

imagine remembering that you’re one of the top people in your field and you just keep seeing imaginary butterflies everywhere

like, yeah, i’d be pissed at not being able to do what i knew i was capable of, too

if it wasn’t careening towards a random retirement center, getting stuck in a wildly rotating gondola thing could be fun

nice tuesday afternoon activity

i would loved to have seen more galahad/whiskey field stuff

“you’ve got to be fucking kidding me—“

meanwhile, in the continuing adventures of eggsy and jack: shit goes from bad to worse like a formal spiral only going downward

their expressions as their both just SCREAMING always make me laugh

”that’s the first decent shit i’ve had in three weeks.” <- as does that line, that old dude’s just telling it like it is

eggsy’s comment about the antidote just reminds me of when boromir looks a the ring and says something like “all this for such a tiny thing”

dun dun DUN what are THOSE? hints that whiskey may not be who we think he is??

great. so excited about that. i say, rolling my eyes into the sun

“i’ll fix their wagons.” no one says that matthew!

i. love. this. scene. because now we get cool gun tricks AND the second most metal thing that happens with a lasso in this movie (we’re coming up on the most metal thing)

like please please PLEASE show us more lasso tricks in the statesman movie

“well thank fuckin’ christ i didn’t need any backup.” i wonder if whiskey’s acting angrier than he actually is to throw off the fact that he might’ve caught harry’s glance at him betraying suspicion

RIP jack

imagine the timeline where whiskey was never a bad guy and harry hart just blew a dude away for NO REASON

now THAT would be an interesting movie

because harry and eggsy, for all they went through in the first film, never had a conflict where it was harry in the position of mangling the ropes up

but of course eggsy would never, never tell merlin what happened because he’s still ultimately on harry’s team

damn, charlie, literally blowing up your girlfriend seems kinda extreme

“THIS is vital!”

and here we get to see the biggest difference between merlin and ginger

now, i know there’s extra stuff in the novelization about their relationship and i can’t talk about it because i have no idea what’s in the book

but!

i DO still headcanon as merlin quitting fieldwork after lee’s death

his comment is either what he genuinely believes, or maybe what he fashioned his beliefs into after stepping down from his field role, and ginger is just as sincere in her desire to break into that aspect of working for statesman

it’s like seeing the same character but in two points in time, and it’s really cool

that balance would’ve also been a fun aspect of their romantic relationship to explore but alas! ’twas not to be

colin and mark could both play slenderman

look at those limbs.

gracious.

also this facetime scene with eggsy and tilde T.T

that has to be so terrifying to watch when you know the steps of death and what they look like as they get closer

but it also puts a fire under eggsy though

“i’m leaving with, or without you.”

and of course they’re both gonna go because that’s NOT characteristic eggsy behavior based off of how we know he views family/squad

that’s how they know he’s being for cereal

uugggggGGHHHH and THAT FORESHADOING

stacey pruitt, attorney at lawwwww

hmmmmmmmmm

what does this conversation between poppy and the president remind me of

gonna just sigh into the void

and now we have harry and eggsy on the jet along with the BIGGEST LIE harry hart has ever told in his LIFE

kingsman and statesman aesthetics at least tend to be the same color schemes. lotta golds, yellows. browns.

eggsy, yeah, it’s a bummer your gf dumped you, but this relationship wasn’t very well-developed or written so i’m not as bummed as i could be

“… and in that moment, all i felt was loneliness and regret.”

harry shut the FUCK UP

you felt NOTHING??

you weren’t thinking of, gee, i dunno, EGGSY? or MERLIN?? your MOM???

like these lines from him just seem to come out of left field and i can’t even halfway suspend my belief long enough to come close to believing him

like mr. hart you just gonna be like that in front of jesus and everybody????

so, yeah, of course he’s on board with saving tilde! because he recognizes (apparently just right that second) that “having something to lose is what makes life worth living”

and i don’t know if they felt like there need to be some weird, deeply contrasting reason for harry to swing around to being in support? or something?

like

i’m forever pissed about this characterization and i don’t even know if i’m expressing my anger in a way that makes it easy to understand lmao this is fine, i’m fine, literally not a single person in this fandom ever believed those lines anyway, it’s fine

moving on

... and even if they WERE true then honestly that just makes me more excited about butterfly knife, because that means that harry acknowledged both the bad side of the coin, and also the side with rae on it (which would mean seeing her for who she was and also recognizing his feelings for what THEY were) and drew the ultimately correct conclucision that love! is! always! worth! it! let that shit in like a welcome guest in the home of your heart, and they will stay as long as you let them!

as SOON as he wakes up ginger looks a thousand percent done lmao

and the “process” that they use to wake people up or whatever is—interesting

because all it is, is trauma turned into a tool which is kind of a weird concept to see in a “fun spy movie” imo

and this is one of what i feel were like only what, two? glimpses we get into whiskey’s Tragic Backstory

and the other scene isn’t a glimpse it’s just straight up exposition in his dialogue :/

jack, i’m sorry, you deserved better than this as a character

i’m sure the name “silver pony” is a reference to something but i don’t know what

“lookin’ GOOD merlin!” “feelin’ good, eggsy.”

ladies and gentlemen when i tell you that i lost my pool-noodle mind seeing him put on that suit watching this in a theater, i--

ANYWAY

because now that i have the horrible burden of having seen these movies a million times

i know it’s more symbolic

he stays in sweaters so long, as an agent of the background, because he walked a man to his death

so it figures when he puts the armor back on for the first time in ages

he walks to his own

uuuggghhhh the minesweeper

i hate this

i hate it

i hate everything about the feelings i’m having while this is happening

*beep-beep*

“you move, we die.”

i HATE IT

but like, i don’t know, how preferable is this to the end scene we almost got, which was merlin dragging his newly-legless corpse through a doggy door?

because it’s been literally multiple years and i still have no fucking idea

they’re both horrible in their own terrible, awful ways

damn, matthew, it’s not often someone manages to come up with multiple versions of a thing and have every version be so gut-wrenchingly horrific, i’m truly impressed and completely disgusted

“do as your told!”

god

everyone just going through twenty shades of Bad Feelings in the space of fifteen seconds here in the jungle

and colin and taron do this thing where it’s like—their eyes go dead? like, there was a light here, it’s gone now

it SUCKS

oh

oh no

ALMOST HEAVEN

WEST VIRGINIA

… fuck

LIFE IS OLD THERE

OLDER THAN THE TREES

“… singing?”

this sucks.

this sucks this sucks this sucks

MOUNTAIN MAMAAAAA

TAKE ME HOOOOME

COUNTRY ROOOADDSSSSS

*THUNK*

and he even took off his glasses before he hit him, he had his end coming towards him and he was still a gentleman

TAKE ME HOOOME

COUNTRY RROOOOAAAADDDSSSSS

his EYES AT THE END

FUCK

… okay i had to get up and go for a lil’ walk

anyway

(and again, roanoke canon, fucking fixing’ shit left and right, because we’re the goat)

harry and eggsy look MURDEREROUS

MERLIN SAID KNOCK YOU OUT

it DID make the grand ending fun action scene a lot more satisfying

because like, without merlin there, that means harry and eggsy get to go full feral

poppy you big idiot you just robbed them of all their motivation to show any kind of restraint and now everybody’s gonna get blown up

except for those dudes who get kicked by elton john

which would be an HONOR first of all

(the part where eggsy’s using his gun and shield vaguely reminds me of the specialist, @bloodofthepen​)

and harry and eggsy just—they’re drift compatible! that’s it! the teamwork! the grace! the flow! my god!

eggsy vs. charlie: round like 4 if you count the first movie

it was also satisfying to see charlie’s new arm in action

we love fun robotics and gadgetry in this house

colin firth is really just not afraid to throw himself full force down a bowling lane huh

ugh, seeing charlie slam eggsy over and over again makes my chest hurt

the sound mixing on all these films is top notch which isn’t always a good thing T.T

ROCKETMAN~~~

that shit will never NOT be funny

a wild elton john appeared!

eggsy is indestructible, he can walk off anything

but charlie, charlie i feel really sorry for, imagine being attacked by a superior version of your own limb, i.e. something that you can’t exactly quickly remove from yourself, that would be TERRIFYING

harry + elton = dream teaaaammmm

“darling if you save the world, you can have a backstage pass.”

i love you elton john :(

i would have been the most OBNOXIOUS hype man in the background of the entire kingsman vs. poppy land face-off

“let’s make this fair.” eggsy you’re fuckin’ cheeky

and poor harry, all that lank just getting tossed like noodles

i thought the robot puppers were very cool

“for the record charlie i’m more of a gentleman than you’ll ever be.”

mmmmmm do NOT like this death for charlie

SUPER glad we fixed it

and another scene where i can’t stand the sound mixing T.T it makes me cringe every time

“i don’t consider genocide especially lady-like.”

and are we gonna talk about how merlin knew how to make heroin?

… no?

nobody wanna talk about that?

ugh that houndstooth dress is so PRETTY though

high!poppy is weirdly comedic for all of two seconds and then it stops being funny real fast

whiskey D:<

this is so dumb

this is all so, so dumb

“our agencies were founded to uphold peace, to protect the innocent—“

there’s that nobility again

is what happened to whiskey fucked up, yes

i’m not saying we have to completely remove that from his story

i just

literally anything but this would have been preferable

and then HOT DOG it’s one of my favorite shots in the movie with the whip where harry’s just chucking it away from his face like a bamf, YES

how great is this cover, let’s be honest

like, i’d be lying if i said i didn’t enjoy this scene visually

plus

HARRY GETTING PEGGED RIGHT IN THE FACE WITH A FRYING PAN

gracious

it’s one fluid tracking shot, so kinda in alignmentment with what we’re used to

some people get annoyed with repeated junk but when you can do it THIS WELL you can get away with anything

D:

but then jack

you did NOT desert that

yes, you were in dire need of an attitude adjustment but jesus

“this is for you, merlin.”

/ugly sobbing/

and tilde is all betterrrrrr ;-;

you guys did itttttt

COUNTRY ROOOAAADDSS

TAKE ME HOOOOOOMMEEEE

TO THE PLAAAAAACCCEEEEE

I BELOOOOONNGGGG

and the scene with jamal and liam T.T #wholesomecontent

poor tequila, after i knew that you would have a bigger role in another movie, i was less annoyed by the fact that they iced you so quick into the story

#FOX2020

“… now we’re brothers, working side by side.”

spoiler alert i actually love champ’s toast

“y’all shittin’ in high cotton now” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN???

and ginger becomes the new whiskey like she always wanted T.T

merlin is proud from heaven (or london, depending on which canon)

iiiiiii have mixed feelings about the whole wedding scene, which is probably because i take HUGE issue with the weird proposal ultimatum thing that happened earlier

but the way eggsy says “not a doubt in my mind,” he says it so seriously and i remember that tilde almost died

there was such good intention packed into this couple that was so badly written that i just

augh

“but it is perhaps the end of the beginning.”

there’s ***merlin! lmao i see you dude, they did you dirty

look

i was pissed off about a lot of things that happened in this thing but i was honestly hype seeing tequila at the very end walking into the tailor shop

like, yeah, i’ll stick around to see what happens in this universe but i’m gonna complain the whole time

GO JACK RABBIT

RUNNING THROUGH THE WOODS

and again, i almost didn’t see this movie.

… i think about that morgan sometimes.

hope she’s doin’ okay.

…

she’s probably not. D:

#kingsman #kingsman: the secret service #kingsman: the golden circle #kingsman tss #kingsman tgc #the roanoke society #kingsman: tss #kingsman: tgc #taron egerton #mark strong #colin firth #edward holcroft #sophie cookson #mark hamill #samuel l. jackson #bruce greenwood #pedro pascal #jeff bridges #halle berry #juliann moore #sofia boutella #hanna alström #statesman #weed mention #kingsman the secret service #kingsman the golden circle

[introvertguide]

Hollywood’s Changing Depiction of Slavery

I am generally not that comfortable with discussing this kind of thing, especially the attachment it has to cinema, because it is a reminder that many of the people that created the art I love might not be the kind of person I would actually want to meet. In fact, the depiction of slavery in film over the last century can give you an idea of how the American population thought of slaves and the business of slavery in general. I am going to try and approach this objectively, not because I don’t want to offend (if you are offended by my personal abhorrence of slavery in any form than you can go someplace else for your movie commentary), but simply because I am a middle-aged white male who has never encountered slavery in person and everything I know is second hand. I have seen guest lectures that involved people who walked with MLK Jr in Alabama, but I know very little about black oppression and outright slavery in America beyond history books. So, to keep this educational and not slip into personal bias, I will describe what I have seen in some example films over the last century. You are more than welcome to view the films for yourself, however:

SOME SPOILERS FOR THE MOVIES ON THIS LIST!!! I STRONGLY RECOMMEND WATCHING ANY OF THESE FILMS FOR YOURSELF!!

The Birth of a Nation (1915)

We are starting off rough with possibly the most controversial film of all time. There were protests against this film from both black and white cinema goers even at the time (according to the AFI blurb) and it is evident that the director, D.W. Griffith, overstepped some boundaries as he made the apology piece Intolerance the very next year to win back general audiences. The film depicts Abraham Lincoln positively, which was unexpected to me, and former slaves as animalistic and uncontrolled. The Klu Klux Klan comes along and “heroically” controls the former slaves and depicts the reformation as a time in which white women were afraid to walk the street for fear of attack by former slaves. The lack of support for this film by any black actors is apparent since almost all of offensive black men portrayed in the movie are white actors in black face. As difficult as it was for Black Americans to find work outside of farming and industrial labor in the early 1900s, you still couldn’t even pay them to be in this film. It is hard to gauge if many Americans agreed with the opinions reflected in this film at the time, but some people apparently thought that it was a mistake to free the slaves since black people needed to be controlled and why not get free labor for farm owners at the same time.

Gone With the Wind (1939)

This is a favorite movie in my family so I cringe slightly watching this film now knowing about about Hattie McDaniel’s Oscar and legacy. The role of Mammy was played by McDaniel and she won the Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress...but she had to get special permission to attend the ceremony since the awards were given out at a segregated hotel. She had to use a back entrance and was seated far in the back in an area that was roped off from the white guests. McDaniel was very good at her role since she had played a maid on over 70 occasions and was hassled by the NAACP to use her award as a platform to promote equal rights. I have little reference to what the world thought of the film, but the 13 Oscar nominations and this being the highest grossing film of all time when adjusting for inflation tells me audiences were OK with if not impressed by the portrayals. It seems that America was accepting of the “friendly and accepting” slave who was like a family friend who wasn’t equal but allowed to stay if they did a good job cleaning up around the house. This was not a very accurate portrayal of most slave-master relationships, which McDaniel admits, but she is quoted as saying “it is better to get $700 a week to play a maid then get $7 a week to be one.”

The Legend of N****r Charlie (1972)

During the 60s and 70s, there was a genre of films known as “blaxploitation” which capitalized on the idea that black characters were portrayed stupid thugs that were easily subdued by intelligent white men. This genre did the opposite and featured black heroes who overcame adversity with their power and intelligence, normally over a white adversary. This particular film portrays a slave taken from Africa who is falsely accused of murder and has to run from a racist white sheriff. He turns into a gunslinger and makes a posse of other black gunslingers and this group defeats the evil sheriff and escapes. This portrayal seems as likely as that of Mammy, but the very poor production value and terrible acting (it is pretty difficult to get through) meant no awards. Noting that the box office sales were high almost exclusively at theatres in predominantly black neighborhoods, America was split on the depiction of slaves. White people seemed to be happy with the housemaid while black people wanted a tough hero that rises up and gets vengeance on their oppressors. 

Roots (1977): 8 Part Mini-Series

I was unaware that this miniseries was shown over consecutive nights in January of 1977, but tens of millions of people watched all of it (that is 12 hours over 8 nights) and still talk of the impression it made. This movie showed Lavar Burton (you know, the guy from Reading Rainbow and the actor who played the blind guy on Star Trek) as a slave stolen from Africa who was shackled and beaten into a life of submission. This film portrayed slavery as an atrocity that planted seeds of hate and distrust that carried on through generations over hundreds of years. Judging by the ratings, this woke up a lot of Americans to the horror that was slave life. Portraying slaves as happy house maids or whistling old men with big smiles was no longer acceptable. The final episode of this mini-series remains the 3rd highest rated showing of all time according to the Nielson ratings. The series as a whole was nominated for an astounding 32 Emmy Awards and won 9 of them. The low win count was due to multiple actors from the series competing in every acting category. After Vietnam and going into the Cold War, America wanted gritty realism and this seems like exactly that.

Amistad (1997)

I find this to be idea of slavery that I most relate to as realistic. It stars Djimon Hounsou as a slave that leads a revolt against the slave traders on the ship Amistad in which the entire white crew was slaughtered and the offending slaves were brought to American courts to stand trial for murder. This was based on a true account and directed by Steven Spielberg. One might note that the top billed actors are actually Matthew McConaughey, Morgan Freeman, and Anthony Hopkins, but Hounsou absolutely stole the show.  I hate courtroom drama in general, but the testimony of this slave was riveting. According to historian accounts, there was a point during this infamous crossing in which it was decided there was not enough food for all the slaves so a couple of dozen humans were tied to a rock and thrown overboard. It has been over 20 years and that still sticks with me. I wouldn’t expect this to be done to cattle, and the scene of the slaves screaming as they know the rock will pull them down and they have seconds to live still haunts me. It encouraged me to look up accounts of slaves and others who saw first hand how bad things got.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I took a an anthropology class in the early 2000s and I remember learning about evidence that proved the horrific treatment of some slaves. It is true that some slaves were allowed to live in the house and treated like family. It is true that some slave owners paid their slaves a small amount or even freed them in their will. However, there are also many children of mixed heritage that prove the amount of rape that occurred. There are also bones in shallow graves in back of some of these old plantations that show evidence of multiple breaks, amputations, mangled limbs, and broken backs that have no sign of treatment but the wear and tear of continued use. These people were worked and beaten to death. If that is what happened, then I don’t want it glossed over with Hollywood scriptwriting. 

But I said I would be objective so I will stop there. I can feel myself getting angry and opinionated as I write. Learning about history and enjoying a story on film for entertainment can be separate things. Deep breaths.

There are many, many other movies that portray slavery including The Color Purple, Song of the South, Django Unchained, 12 Years a Slave, and Glory. I am not as familiar with these films as the ones listed above, in fact I still haven’t seen 12 Years a Slave. What I wanted to demonstrate was that films will often depict social issues in a way that is consumable by the masses, and changes in the way things are depicted can indicate a change in public opinion. From what I see in film, the American population once thought of former slaves as a problem that needed to be solved and bringing back slavery could solve that issue. It transformed to a feeling that maybe slavery wasn’t all bad and some slave owners were pretty good to their slaves. Black Americans responded with a genre that said that maybe slaves were tough and amazing which scared people into trying to control them. After the Vietnam War and Watergate, Americans wanted the gritty truth and films began portraying slavery as horrific and scarring to the point of affecting generations with hate. Todays movies seem to recognize the atrocities and to almost look at these actions the same way we look at genocides: how could we let this happen? The students that I work with are now assigned movies and readings that highlight genocide and enslavement, which means to me that we are not in denial of how bad it was and instead looking into keeping it from ever happening again. Perhaps there will be a different viewpoint in 20 years. Until then, I will keep watching movies to get an idea of what the public thinks. 

#films as history #slavery #slavery in film #Amistad #Roots #Gone with the Wind #the birth of a nation #popular culture #introvert #introverts #american history

[aion-rsa]

10 Best Fighting Game Movies

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Once upon a time, Bruce Lee, Jim Kelly, and John Saxon visited a crime boss’ private island to compete in a fighting tournament and it was awesome. The 1973 movie Enter the Dragon is basically the prototype for the fighting games like Mortal Kombat and Street Fighter. And when those fighting games became popular, they inspired their own movies that either tried to emulate Enter the Dragon or do something completely new.

The ‘90s gave us the cheesy live-action fighting game movies from Hollywood and the animated movies from Japan. There have been several live-action Mortal Kombat movies as well as a few animated ones. There have also been multiple Street Fighter movies, four attempts at Tekken, a trilogy of Fatal Fury films, and more.

Are most of them bad? Yes. But did we pick our 10 favorite fighting game movies anyway? You bet. Here are our picks:

10. ART OF FIGHTING (1993)

Eh…it’s harmless.

The Art of Fighting series is mostly defined by the twist that the first game’s final boss is the main character’s father and the second game’s final boss is a younger incarnation of the villain from Fatal Fury. Take away those aspects and you’re left with a rather lowkey storyline for a fighting game where a teenage girl is kidnapped by a mobster and is rescued by her brother and her boyfriend.

Wait, I said that weird. It’s two different people, I swear! Except in Capcom, where Dan Hibiki is literally both of them merged into one character.

In the 45-minute Art of Fighting movie about Ryo and Robert, who are like chiller and dopier versions of Ryu and Ken, we watch as the duo gets sucked into a plot about stolen diamonds, martial arts criminals, and angry police lieutenants. It doesn’t take itself seriously and it’s a fine, breezy watch.

Ryo’s incorrect hair color kind of irks me, though.

9. STREET FIGHTER ALPHA: THE ANIMATION (1999)

This movie suffers from the same problem as Fatal Fury: The Motion Picture. It features a cast of heroes from a fighting game taking on a villain created for the movie instead of the villains we actually give a shit about. But the movie does also have some brief but awesome cameos (Kim Kaphwan and Geese Howard from Fatal Fury and Dan Hibiki and Akuma from Street Fighter Alpha) to brighten up a less-than-stellar plot.

Street Fighter Alpha: The Animation does at least get by because the original characters play up Ryu’s whole fear about being overcome by “the Dark Hadou.” This leads to some cool animations where Evil Ryu looks like a mindless, shambling zombie but also an unstoppable fighting machine.

The movie’s main storyline is about a kid named Shun who claims that he’s Ryu’s long-lost brother. He too is a fighter cursed with an inner dark side, which is used as a red herring to suggest that Shun’s father (and presumably Ryu’s father) is actually Akuma. That ends up being bupkis and Shun is just linked to some scheme by a mad scientist or whatever.

Probably the funniest thing about this movie is the directors’ infatuation with Chun-Li’s midsection. She’s wearing her form-fitting Street Fighter Alpha costume and there are dozens upon dozens of random close-ups to her lower torso from the front and back. If this were a drinking game, it would kill you.

8. FATAL FURY 2: THE NEW BATTLE (1993)

Of the Fatal Fury movie trilogy, this one is easily the best, even if it makes all the good guys seem like a bunch of overly-serious crybabies. The basic story is that after having avenged his father’s death, Terry hits rock bottom, dusts himself off, and comes out the other end stronger. Good, good. Going Rocky III is the perfect direction for a follow-up.

The problem is that Terry comes off as a bit of a whiner and the other heroes try way too hard to vilify the movie’s main antagonist, who hasn’t actually done anything that terrible. Krauser shows up one day, challenges Terry to a fight, wins, and says, “Okay, when you get better, train and fight me again.” Krauser isn’t trying to take over the world or murder orphans or whatever. He’s just a dude with huge shoulder armor who wants a good fight.

But everyone acts like Krauser’s the absolute worst. Terry starts drinking and falls to pieces while his buddies hope to get revenge. What a bunch of jerks.

While a fun romp, the worst thing about this sequel is how they redesigned Krauser. Gone is his mustache and forehead scar for the sake of making him seem younger. Kind of a bullshit move, considering he’s supposed to be the half-brother to middle-aged Geese Howard.

7. TEKKEN: THE MOTION PICTURE (1998)

This hour-long anime is almost great but just can’t stick the landing. It runs into the same problem as Mortal Kombat: Annihilation where the game series tells a specific overall story but the movie cuts corners to tell the same story. Tekken: The Motion Picture covers the first Tekken while setting up Tekken 3 and skipping Tekken 2 completely.

It means that everything’s well and good until the confusing and rushed finale. Otherwise, the movie is a fine use of the Enter the Dragon formula. Heihachi Mishima has a special island fighting tournament and the entrants include his vengeful son, a couple of cops investigating the situation, a gigantic robot, an angry Native American girl, two feuding assassin sisters, and a bunch of awesome characters who only get about three full frames of appearances each. Really would have liked to see something from Paul, King, and Yoshimitsu, though.

Other than Kazuya being pissed at everything, the best scenes are the over-the-top ones. When Jack does crazy robot stuff, when dinosaurs show up and start eating people, and that memorable sequence where Heihachi catches a hatchet with his mouth and then shatters it with his jaw.

6. STREET FIGHTER (1994)

I know this movie is just a GI Joe script with Street Fighter names pasted over it. I know it’s a cheesefest of dopey ideas and Belgian accents. I’ve long accepted that. Thing is, the movie is still a total blast to watch. What it lacks in faithfulness to the source material, it makes up for with pure camp and ham.

The 16 characters from Super Street Fighter II are represented here, except Fei Long is replaced with the forgettable Captain Sawada. How ironic that the movie star character isn’t even in the movie!

In general, the movie features some head-scratching depictions of classic Street Fighter characters. All-American Guile is played by Jean Claude Van Damme, Charlie Nash and Blanka are the same character, Dee Jay is an evil hacker, Ryu and Ken are comedic conmen, and Dhalsim is a frumpy scientist.

It’s Raul Julia’s M. Bison who keeps this guilty pleasure afloat. He’s to Street Fighter what Frank Langella’s Skeletor was to Masters of the Universe. He gives 110% and his performance is easily the best reason to watch this movie. It’s truly a wonder to behold.

Read more

Games

The Forgotten Fighting Games of the 1990s

By Gavin Jasper

Games

King of Fighters: Ranking All the Characters

By Gavin Jasper

The movie is infamous for inspiring a fighting game based on it, but you know what nobody ever talks about? The Double Dragon movie also had a fighting game based on it made by Technos and released on the Neo Geo. And Double Dragon wasn’t even a one-on-one fighter to begin with!

Anyway, if you intend to sit back and watch Street Fighter, make sure to add in the RiffTrax commentary.

5. DOA: DEAD OR ALIVE (2006)

Enter the Dragon meets Charlie’s Angels is a heck of a concept, but DOA: Dead or Alive is so confidently tongue-in-cheek that it succeeds as an action comedy that’s way better than it has any right to be. Part of why it works is that Dead or Alive has never had much of an overarching storyline, but is more defined by the individual characters (plus, you know, all the cheesecake). Enough of those characters appear in what’s your regular “fighting tournament on a mysterious island” setup.

The whole thing moves with such energy that it’s easy to get sucked in. It’s the opposite of the live-action Tekken movie, where even though the film features accurate versions of all the characters, everything is so drab and lifeless that you just can’t wait for it to be over. In DOA, the combatants spend their downtime playing cartoony action volleyball with Fake Dennis Rodman on commentary, while in Tekken everyone mopes about dystopian capitalism.

Other than Helena’s character being “important dead guy’s daughter,” most of the main characters are charismatic enough to keep your attention during the 3% of the movie when fights aren’t happening. It must suck for Ninja Gaiden fans that Hayabusa is depicted as a total dweeb, but he at least gets to do some cool stuff here and there.

The movie also has Kevin Nash playing a character based on Hollywood Hogan and he’s so likeable that I’m genuinely bummed that he peaces out about halfway into the movie. Luckily, the movie is entertaining enough that I didn’t even notice until after it was over. It helps that during that time, we get more of Eric Roberts, his amazing hair, and his special sunglasses that turn him into the ultimate martial arts master.

Spoiler alert, but the secret to defeating him is, get this, removing his sunglasses!

4. MORTAL KOMBAT LEGENDS: SCORPION’S REVENGE (2020)

It took a while, but Warner Bros. Animation is on fire these days. After that Batman vs. TMNT movie and Teen Titans Go vs. Teen Titans, the studio appears to be hitting more than they miss. That’s exactly the kind of team needed to put together the latest animated Mortal Kombat movie.

This is the umpteenth retelling of the first game’s story. Not only does it have to compete with the first live-action movie, but also the events of Mortal Kombat 9, which depicts the tournament in cutscene format. Fortunately, Scorpion’s Revenge has a few tricks up its sleeve. First, it puts Scorpion in the forefront as the protagonist. He was barely a character in the original movie and the game just had him kill Sub-Zero and feel bad about it for the rest of the story mode. Now he feels like a character in a crossover, making a mark on the original story instead of being put in the sidelines.

We also have the wonderful stunt casting of Joel McHale as Johnny Cage. More importantly, Jennifer Carpenter plays Sonya Blade, which is such a step up from Ronda Rousey’s voice acting in Mortal Kombat 11.

This cartoon has a very hard R when it comes to violence. From the very beginning, Scorpion’s origins are gruesome and grisly. Once Jax is introduced, it doesn’t take long until we realize, “Oh, that’s how they’re dealing with THAT plot point in this continuity.” Then there’s a surprise villain death late in the movie that not only comes as a shocking development, but it’s so graphic and nasty that you can’t help but be taken aback.

Scorpion’s Revenge is a fantastic first chapter of what is hopefully a series of animated movies, but it does have its pacing issues. Scorpion being the protagonist may be a welcome change, but at times it does feel like a square peg being crammed into a round hole.

3. TEKKEN: BLOOD VENGEANCE (2011)

One of the best things about the Tekken series is the endings. While the cutscenes from the first couple games haven’t exactly aged well, these CGI epilogues have become a staple in nearly every installment. What better reward for your time and success than watching a rocking action sequence with Yoshimitsu and Bryan Fury killing each other in the jungle?

And so, to play to the series’ strengths, Bandai Entertainment released a Tekken movie that’s really just one big ending cutscene. It’s not canon, but it feels at home with the games.

Since Tekken’s main conflict is with two ruthless megalomaniacs (Heihachi and Kazuya) and a disgruntled nihilist (Jin), it’s hard to treat any of them as a real protagonist here. Instead, they go with Ling Xiaoyu, who is portrayed as the person who sees the good in Jin and wants him to see the light. She’s given a robotic BFF in Alisa Bosconovitch because Xiaoyu is kind of a tame character and needs someone with chainsaw arms and a jetpack to liven things up.

The first hour or so is good enough to keep your attention and its lightened up by a couple appearances by Tekken’s best character, Lee. But once it gets to the third act, it just becomes a completely awesome Heihachi vs. Kazuya vs. Jin fight, with Xiaoyu taking a backseat to watch all the crazy shit going on. It’s a full-on fireworks factory, as we not only see Devil forms of Kazuya and Jin but a very special final form for Heihachi that’s a true delight for Tekken fans.

2. STREET FIGHTER II: THE ANIMATED MOVIE (1994)

Let it be said that for someone who grew up in the ‘80s and ‘90s, finding a faithful cartoon adaptation of a video game property was not easy. Link and Simon Belmont were unlikable sexual harassers. Mega Man was a more annoying sidekick than Scrappy Doo. Mario and Luigi teamed up with Milli Vanilli. Power Team was…a thing. When we got an animated movie based on Street Fighter II, it was mind-blowing. This was a movie where the very first scene was Ryu tearing Sagat’s chest into a bloody gash thanks to a well-animated Shoryuken.

There’s a lot going on in this movie, but at the same time, nothing is going on. By this point, there were 17 characters in the various Street Fighter II games, and outside of a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it Akuma cameo, it feels the need to include every single one of them. Some get minor roles, like Cammy and Dee Jay. Then there’s Zangief and Blanka, who fight each other for no reason other than for the sake of giving them something to do. Even Ryu vanishes for a huge chunk of the runtime.

Once everything funnels into the third act, this movie is great. And the earlier fight scenes are straight fire too, including the memorable Chun-Li vs. Vega brawl. Even though the movie already feels true to Street Fighter II, it’s even better when you realize that it’s all supposed to be a prequel to the game itself.

Or at least I hope so. Otherwise, all Sagat gets to do is get his ass kicked by Ryu and get chewed out by Bison.

1. MORTAL KOMBAT (1995)

The stars truly aligned for this one. Mortal Kombat Mania was at its peak, so it makes sense that this movie was a retelling of the first game’s story with added aspects from the second game, all while hyping up the arcade release of the third game. CGI was such a novelty in Hollywood in the ’90s that even if it looked primitive, it still looked cutting edge at the time. It was the perfect time to release this movie.

But Mortal Kombat isn’t perfect. Reptile is embarrassing. Scorpion and Sub-Zero being relegated to goons still stings. I still roll my eyes at the part towards the end where Sonya is suddenly the damsel in distress and Raiden flat-out verbally buries her by saying she couldn’t beat Shang Tsung in a million years. Otherwise, it’s the perfect storm of ‘90s action garbage.

There are so many over-the-top and charismatic performances here. Johnny Cage, Raiden, Shang Tsung, Kano, and even Goro are a blast to watch. All 10 characters from the original game are given something to do and, most importantly, they realize how uniquely weird the game’s story is and actually dive headfirst into it. The movie isn’t embarrassed to be a Mortal Kombat movie but handles itself well enough that we aren’t embarrassed to be watching a Mortal Kombat movie.

Even with a PG-13 rating, the movie was violent enough. Kano talked up seeing a pile of frozen guts in the wake of a Sub-Zero fight, Scorpion got his skull sliced apart with demon brain goo spewing all over the place, and Shang Tsung got impaled to death.

With the reboot being rated R, going for the gore could very well be the right route to go, but for the love of the Elder Gods, don’t forget to have FUN. All I’m saying is, if even Johnny Cage isn’t hamming it up, then what’s the point?

The post 10 Best Fighting Game Movies appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

[ryanmeft]

Movie Review: Marriage Story

One of the first things you’ll learn as you get older is that relationships don’t make a bit of sense. That’s not what you think when you’re young. That’s certainly not what Charlie and Nicole thought. They are in the middle of the end of a marriage when we meet them, a marriage that was founded on infatuation and high hopes, two things which are perfectly logical when you’re 21. We begin with a voice-over: Charlie is describing the good things about Nicole, and then Nicole describes the good things about Charlie. Over the course of the movie we will find that some of this is true, some is fancy, and some is wishful thinking.

By the time we meet Charlie and Nicole, played by Adam Driver and Scarlet Johansson, the divorce is already a thing that is going to happen. This is not a romantic comedy. Everything does not work out in the end. Noah Baumbach, who doesn’t make that kind of movie, establishes the inevitability of the outcome in subtle ways from the first shots. He shows us flashbacks of happier moments, then shows us the couple sitting at a marriage counselor’s office. Their postures are instructive. Charlie leans slightly forward, a sort of shrug-type look on his face, as if he doesn’t see what the big deal is---as if they can just work it out. Nicole leans away, her face a mask of pain and anger. Charlie doesn’t seem to notice. There is simply a feeling in the room, and viewers more attentive than Charlie know right away this film will be a rarity: a movie about a divorce where the divorce actually happens.

If you’re wondering why I find that so unique, think on what usually happens when a movie opens and a couple is on the edge of divorce. Things happen, hijinks ensue, and by the end they’ve gotten completely over whatever led them to that point to begin with.

Charlie runs a theatre company, one of the kinds that requires a lot of money be put in and puts little back out. When they were both young, Charlie gave Nicole her first big acting break, and she fell in love with him. It is never clear if the feeling was that deeply mutual. Nicole---and please forgive the stereotype here, for it is meant to be complimentary---Nicole loves in the way women do, truly and emotionally, the kind that is completely irrational and so steamrolls all rational considerations and thus removes many otherwise destructive doubts. Charlie loves her in a more utilitarian way common to men---he needs her more than he wants her, and is possessive of her the way he might be of a beloved pet. His true love is the theatre, where he can exercise total control over the outcome. A marriage does not offer him such power. Only in the case of their son Henry (Azhy Robertson) does he willingly relinquish control of a situation.

Is either of these ways of loving wrong? That seems to be the question Baumbach would like us to be thinking about. Driver and Johansson turn in two of the most stunning performances of the year, each one fully embodying their character and their hopes, fears and flaws, to the point where which one you think is the jerk may largely depend on your own life experiences. You’d be hard-pressed to deny that Charlie is a good father---Nicole does not---and that her attempts to prove otherwise for custody reasons range from passive-aggressive to blatantly manipulative. These include visiting as many lawyers as she can to establish a conflict of interest so that they cannot represent Charlie and arranging it so that he cannot both work (and thus pay legal costs) and be with Henry at the times allowed him. Nicole is conflicted about this, but she is buoyed on by her lawyer (Laura Dern), who very obviously relishes her job and loves to crush her opponents; she declares that “God is the father and God didn’t even show up”, and enjoys every bit of damage done to Charlie far too much for it to be just professional. Notably, she insists he is an absentee father while Nicole insists he isn’t, because she can win more if he is.

Charlie, meanwhile, claims to want to take the high road and not to use lawyers at all. This is less because he is noble and more because he hates facing conflict head-on. He is quick to anger and blame, and by quick, I mean instant. There are no problems in his life that aren’t caused by Nicole’s stubbornness, which is how he sees it both when she’s really being stubborn and when she isn’t. He naturally adopts the bemused expression with her of someone who believes they are always right and fancies themselves as speaking to a child who simply cannot understand all the things the adults do. He is, in a nutshell, condescending as hell, and there’s no quicker way to set him off than to remove his control. He, too, lawyers up as the movie goes on, first with a nice-but-ineffectual family lawyer (Alan Alda) and then with a bulldog (Ray Liotta) who is every bit as vicious as the Dern character, shaming Nicole for a brief scene of nudity in her first film. Somehow, there are also moments of genuine warmth and humor, but I will not ruin them.

It’s the little decisions that make all of this so effective. Baumbach and his underrated cinematographer Robbie Ryan, who shot The Favourite with an emphasis on facial expressions, know just what to do when you have an actress as expressive as Johannsson: you point the camera at her and go for a coffee. I’m sure it’s not that simple. Yet when Johansson is called upon to give Nicole a speech, the camera almost always closes in on her, to capture every subtle nod or curl of the lip and every shy turn from the viewer, as well as moments of anger and passion. The modern camera is too often terrified of shooting the human face for very long, fearful of what emotions might get in that were not scripted and focus-grouped. Compare this with Charlie. Driver is a great actor for whom facial expressiveness is, well, not a strong suit, so Baumbach and Ryan shoot him at more of a remove, fitting his superiority complex. These choices make one of the more fascinating visual contrasts I’ve seen in film, ever.

Every tension in the film and in their lives, and there are oh so many, comes out in one giant argument that, unless you’ve spent your life under a rock or are lying, we’ve all had with someone at one point. A conversation begins and escalates. In no time minor issues have become apocalyptic. All pretenses fall and each person’s basic nature is laid bare and red-faced. “I can’t believe I have to know you forever!” screams Nicole. Charlie wishes she were dead. I dare not describe how the scene culminates, even though this is not a movie with any real spoilers. Baumbach, Driver and Johansson have, together, managed to capture the essence of a real fight on film, a scene where it is hard to believe they aren’t actually a crumbling married couple really enraged with one another. After the film ended, I found myself wondering about what their relationship must be like. It took me a few moments to remember that they were not a real couple.

 Verdict: Must-See

Note: I don’t use stars, but here are my possible verdicts.

Must-See

Highly Recommended

Recommended

Average

Not Recommended

Avoid like the Plague

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All images are property of the people what own the movie.

#Scarlett Johansson #adam driver #noah baumbach #laura dern #movies #marriage story #robbie ryan #ray liotta

[geek-gem]

Charlie And Starscream

Their was this idea and it was basically serious at first but I'm trying to make sense out of it. The idea of Starscream being the antagonist for the next Transformers film maybe Bumblebee 2. Where we can really redeem his character in a film and give him more character. Yet theirs this idea I even voiced acted a little of, "What if Starscream for some reason wants Charlie to join him because he thinks they could stuff better" basically the scene with Megatron and Sam on the roof in the 2007 film. Except it's Starscream saying, "Is it fear or courage that compels you Ms. Watson?"

But I thought of a joke or something.

Starscream: Is it fear or courage that compels you Ms. Watson? My dear Charlie understand please. If you join me we can accomplish so many wonderful things. I lead the Decepticons and you can be my 2nd in command. This world won't trust you if you stay with the Autobots, why save a planet if they will go against you? Join me and we can rule!

Charlie:......You know Starscream.....I think I made up my mind.

Starscream: You have hopefully you chose carefully. >:)

Charlie:.....I've realized your the biggest most selfish asshole I've ever met in my entire life and your basically a bitch compared to everyone.

Starscream:

......you BITCH!

*in the background you hear Soundwave gigging and Starscream tells him to shut up*

Tags done and put most, this is a silly post and I'm seriously interested in seeing Starscream. I just wonder who's gonna voice him. Despite Jon Bailey voiced him but his lines were cut or something. Hopefully someone like Steve Blum(Transformers Prime) or Sam Riegel(War For Cybertron and Fall Of Cybertron). Wouldn't mind Charlie Alder to come back because I love his Starscream voice. It's fitting mainly the one in 2 and 3. He just needed a better role. Luckily the Revenge Of The Fallen video games helped that out.

Edit or even Tom Kenny(Transformers Animated). But I also wanna say even though that motion comic being included with the Bumblebee digital release and more is not out yet. But Soundwave is now on Earth in that and I hope that's canon.

#transformers #bumblebee movie #charlie watson #starscream

[letterboxd]

Self-Defense.

“Tone is fun. Tone is like a fingerprint, and I’m trying to figure out what mine is.” —The Art of Self-Defense writer/director Riley Stearns tells us about his singular new film.

Leaning heavily into ideas centered around manliness, Riley Stearns’ new film The Art of Self-Defense feels pretty loaded. Although it’s clearly presenting itself as satire, the hot-button nature of its subject matter heightens the whole affair.

Set in what appears to be sometime in the 1970s or 1980s, or a cellphone-less present—you can never be quite sure—the film stars Jesse Eisenberg as Casey, a meek office drone who is violently mugged one evening. After recovering, he begins taking karate lessons at a local dojo and falls under the influence of his charismatic sensei, a man named… Sensei. Sensei is played by Alessandro Nivola in a hilarious performance that itself justifies seeing the film, but it’s worth it for several other reasons too, not least of which is a great turn from Imogen Poots, playing a fellow student.

Destined to be polarizing, The Art of Self-Defense affects a vibe that feels influenced in equal parts by Yorgos Lanthimos, Charlie Kaufman and Wes Anderson. For Stearns, who also helmed the 2014 cult-recovery feature Faults, a black comedy described by Letterboxd members as “terrific”, “inventive” and “original”, The Art of Self-Defense continues a never-ending exploration of tone, “the most important part of filmmaking”.

Letterboxd caught up with Stearns earlier in the year to talk jiu-jitsu, ambiguity, violence and the Coen brothers.

Writer/director Riley Stearns.

What was the impetus for you telling this story? Riley Stearns (writer/director): I think I started just worrying: what would happen if I got in a fight? What would happen if I got mugged? What would happen if I was with somebody I loved and something happened and I couldn’t defend them? And I just really didn’t know the answers to those questions. So I started looking into taking martial arts classes, and jiu-jitsu in particular is what I settled on. It was really out of fear initially, and now I do jiu-jitsu because it’s fun. It’s a hobby, it’s a sport that I like and it keeps me in shape. It’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself, but it really started out of fear.

When I started writing the movie, I’d been doing jiu-jitsu for a little while. I wanted to make a movie in that world, but I realized I could take my experience and my fear and put it into the story, and I thought people might relate to that. And the really interesting thing is some of the guys I’ve shown it to have felt like they saw themselves in the character, even though for me, it’s a stylized and exaggerated version of myself. I see myself in the character, obviously, but I feel proud that they see themselves too.

Is this film’s time period deliberately ambiguous? Deliberately ambiguous, yes. I wanted to kind of be able to just mix technology. I happen to think that analog technology is more interesting-looking, and it adds a certain production design quality to the film that I really like. I don’t want people to have to think about the timeline too much. If you’re thinking ‘why is it ambiguous?’ that’s one thing. But thinking ‘oh there’s an iPhone 7, so this happened at that time’, I think it dates a film unnecessarily. I also try to stay away from cellphones just in general too. Because if you don’t have ’em and they’re never touched on, then you can’t use them, and that’s great, because it helps propel story. But yeah, it’s definitely an ambiguous timeline.

Having said that, your film delves into a subject that there’s so much discussion around right now in society: masculinity (and toxic forms of it). Is that a coincidence? I started writing this in 2015. I think the conversations were happening then, it was just a smaller version. Recently it has really picked up, [with] the #MeToo movement, and there’s people questioning and saying ‘no we’re not gonna take this anymore’. I think that’s amazing, but this was already something I was looking at doing for myself. Just saying, like, I’m a white guy and I’m middle-aged and I grew up in a middle-class family and this is my perspective, and so this hopefully is how I can help. It’s karate and it’s got action and comedy and all that, but I do think there’s a message at the heart of it. At the end of the day, it’s entertainment, for sure, but I don’t want to make something that’s pure entertainment. I want to make something that says something, at least. That was my goal.

The character of Sensei is really something else. What were your conversations with Alessandro Nivola like? For some reason I came up with this image that kind of started with Sensei: he’s the kind of guy who would wear sandals with socks. That’s who Sensei is. He’s a sociopathic character in the film, but he also is just a dork, too. I think he was the kid who was beat up in high school, probably started taking karate to be able to defend himself, thought it would make him cool. And at the end of the day, karate’s not necessarily the coolest thing in the world anyway. Anybody putting on a gi, you don’t look cool doing it. What you’re able to do from the martial art is one thing, but you don’t look cool in the gi.

I think Sensei just wants to belong. He wanted to belong to a group, and no group would have him so he kind of started his own, so he’s got his school, all these students look up to him, and he’s just pretending to be the cool person he always wanted to be. And he also just happens to be kinda crazy too. But yet, Alessandro had fun being that guy, just embracing the quirks of the character and not going the expected route.

There’s a declarative, deadpan tone to this film. Did you talk to your cast about tone? Definitely. ‘Deadpan’ is a word that’s used, and I think I accidentally slip into it here and there, but I like to say ‘literal’. In real life, we kind of hide the truth a little bit to be nice or friendly, and we don’t always express exactly what we’re thinking. I like to think that in the world of The Art of Self-Defense, everyone says exactly what they’re thinking. It’s either black or white, there’s no gray. And I think that helps inform the acting at times. Just saying what you think, and also a lot of times with quote-unquote jokes in the movie, I don’t think they work as well if you play it as a joke. But if you don’t play it as a joke, you play it dead serious, that’s where the humor lies. And we were really able to find that on set.

It’s hard to say that it’s a natural-feeling film, but I didn’t want it to feel so stylized that it takes you out of it. I wanted you to feel like this is just maybe a dimension over from us, a minute shift, but it’s enough that it makes things feel slightly off but it gives it its own world. I like building worlds, even if it’s not in some grand Avatar kind of way. Just hone and feel an atmosphere.

For me, tone is the most important part of filmmaking. I would rather have a nailed-down tone. I don’t know that I’m ever gonna achieve that; it’s always gonna be a battle to figure out what is perfect, but that means more to me than doing some really cool camera move. Or having some big explosion or something. I look at the Coen brothers and I say, like: how are they able to do exactly what they want to do with every single movie, and how does it feel like a Coen brothers film for me every single time? That’s an aspirational thing for me down the line; I want to get to that point where I know exactly what I want, we’re able to achieve it every time, and everyone’s on the same page. Tone is fun. Tone is like a fingerprint. And I’m trying to figure out what mine is.

Violence is a big part of this film. Were you trying to approach violence in a specific way? Um, not necessarily. I think that our society, in the United States especially, nudity and sex is so “horrible” to put on film, but everything gets away with violence. And I think that to a certain extent, that’s not a great thing, but I do happen to find a certain style of violence… when it’s used in a certain context. The films of Yorgos Lanthimos or… who else…

Paul Verhoeven? Yes. There you go. Haneke. There are ways of approaching violence that don’t glorify it, and I do think that there is humor in violence, but I know at the end of the day I’m making a movie. In real life, I’m not a violent person. I don’t like violent things. But being able to explore it is interesting in the context of the film. Maybe it’s the shock of it. Maybe I’m just being clichéd or whatever. But I do happen to find [violence] an interesting tool to be able to use. There are moments in the movie where we show the violence and there’s moments where we have it off camera. And I think being able to decide that may be too much, or being able to say, this is just doing it for shock and not adding anything to the discussion.

Something I definitely did in conceiving the way that we shot it, anything with fists or feet, like punching, very analog fights, all of that could be very bloody. But the moment we used weapons or guns or anything, I wanted [scene description redacted to avoid spoilers] to be almost not bloody at all. I didn’t wanna glorify the gun violence. But with the karate side of it, we just went balls-to-the-wall. So there’s also a little bit of that too, knowingly adding more to certain elements that you want to enhance. I don’t think people need to see [scene description redacted]. That’s not entertainment to me.

‘The Art Of Self-Defense’ is in US theaters now. Comments have been edited for clarity and length.

#art of self defense #riley stearns #jesse eisenberg #toxic masculinity #letterboxd

[glassrain]

Bumblebee:

So, at the recommendation of @timelordsoftherings​ I decided to watch Bumblebee, despite my previous - and rather disappointing - experience with the Transformers franchise. And I’m very glad I did, because I really enjoyed this movie (thanks Aaron)! And now I have Thoughts on the movie (naturally) and I need to talk about them. So, here we go.

(WARNING: Spoilers abound)

* Bumblebee is all kinds of adorable. I love him. He’s this superpowered weapon that could take on the entire army if he really wanted to, but instead he just wants to, like, watch movies and play games and adopt this fragile, pink human girl. And he’s so shy and naive and sweet and earnest. He’s so child-like. And I love that dichotomy, how he’s both at the same time.

* Why do the Decepticons/Autobots have Lips?! WHY? It makes no sense? They’re made of machinery? They hardly need lips to speak, so why do they have lips!

* It’s all so retro and I’m in love with it. Cassette tapes! VCR’s! Overalls! Vintage cars! All the oldie music! *swoons*

* Also, why do the Decepticons and Autobots get into fisticuffs? They are impossibly advanced, sentient, alien war machines. Surely they have a more ... what’s the word I’m looking for? Practical. Surely they have a more practical way to fight each other? I don’t know - throwing punches just seems kinda juvenile and inefficient when both players are armed to the teeth with blades and guns and who even knows what else.

* Okay, but honestly the scene where Bumblebee gets his vocal unit ripped out was devastating. It’s shot in such a brutal manner, flipping from the omniscient perspective of the Decepticon viciously tearing at B-127′s throat, to B’s perspective, with everything glitching in and out, panicky and fading, trying desperately to focus on everything at once. Excellent camera work.

* Speaking of Bee’s perspective - I don’t know how Autobots are created. However, I know for a fact that whoever/whatever created B-127 has at least visited Earth before, because he definitely has a theme going on (heck, Charlie called it within like 5 minutes of meeting the guy). The name, the coloring, the hornet-shaped war helmet - the hexagon pattern of his POV visuals was a nice touch. I approve.

* I appreciated the bit with Charlie’s alarm. Not only indicating the passage of time, but also showcasing Charlie’s depression - because that’s what depression does, it saps your motivation to do much of anything, makes you wonder why you should even get up out of bed at all. But then Bee shows up, and Charlie scrambles out of bed right away - a nice way to show her beginning of recovery, without spelling the situation out for the audience.

* Oh. While we’re on the subject of Charlie’s depression ....

* Can I just say that her mom sorta/really bugged me? Like, her daughter’s clearly struggling with the loss of her father. But instead of making an effort to reach out and actually help, she just comments semi-accusingly on how Charlie always locks herself in the garage; throws movie nights without inviting her daughter; gets a new boyfriend; does little to nothing on order to make Charlie’s first birthday without her dad a good, special one; I’m pretty sure she even blames Charlie for her depression at one point, insisting that everyone else is trying to be happy, and couldn’t Charlie at least make an effort? I know all this makes her sound awful - she wasn’t, not terribly. In many ways, Charlie was enabling her own grief. But depression is hard, and no one does it perfectly, and a little effort on the mom’s part was in order, I think, since she was clearly in a much healthier place than her teenage daughter. I don’t know - she just kinda rubbed me wrong. I didn’t like her much.

* I was genuinely upset on Charlie’s behalf when the boyfriend gave her that book on smiling more. Like, the girl is grieving? And depressed? I would have been mad at him too, if he weren’t clearly such an (well-intentioned) idiot.

* Otis was virtually useless. He should have been removed from the story, or at least utilized better.

* Speaking of poorly utilized characters: Memo. I think he was a super important character to include, since a big part of Charlie’s characterization focused on how she’d isolated herself since her father’s death - Bumblebee helping her open up again and start making new friends was a BIG part of her character development, and I genuinely enjoyed it. I don’t think he was a bad character by any means. I don’t even mind the mini-romance going on between the two. What I did mind is the fact that Charlie’s relationship with Memo took away time I think should have been given to Charlie patching up her relationship with her family. The movie takes the time to highlight the fact that Charlie’s relationship with her family - particularly her mom - has been strained since her dad’s death, but the resolution was virtually glossed over, without any real apologies or conversations from either person. It wasn’t bad, per se, but a bit sub-par. I think the movie should have shifted its focus from “Charlie makes a friend and also fixes things with her family” to “Charlie fixes things with her family and also makes a friend.” That’s all.

* .... I lied. That’s not all. There’s also the fact that Memo is kinda reduced to cheap comedy in the third act; I didn’t like that either. Memo was a good kid, and didn’t deserve that.

* Charlie being like, “I will literally sell you my soul if you’ll give me that Bug”? Honestly Charlie, same. That Bug is adorable - I wouldn’t mind it myself, Autobot or no.

* (Okay but seriously, the Bug is so cute! All the fun-yet-classic lines of the body of the car, the light upholstery - [even if it is a bit frayed on the passenger’s side, I think that just gives it character] - and the vintage center control are all just so cute! I want that car, okay?)

* (I mean, honestly Charlie. You like the Camaro over the Volkswagen? What is wrong with you?)

* THIS scene was so sweet and tender. Charlie’s wonder and kindness quickly winning out over her fear, Bee being so confused and frightened - flinching back over everything, because he’s been hurt before, please stop breaking my heart I didn’t ask for that - but shyly choosing to trust Charlie. Both of them are alone and lost, and find a kindred spirit in each other, with this gentle and almost reverent music in the background. This scene is so soft and good.

* (Also, do you see lips on this Autobot? No. As it should be.)

* Look at how cute he is though!

* The scene where Charlie teaches Bumblebee to hide is too precious for words.

* “I have a good explanation for this .... Okay, no, I don’t have a good explanation for this. But if you tell anyone about this I’ll have to run you over with my car.”

* Charlie’s smile is gorgeous. Just saying.

* Alright. I know this movie is a fictional action flick and all, but seriously. In what universe would the American government just hand their satellites and all their intelligence over to an alien race they just met that day? I mean, I know this took place before 9-11, but that still surpasses my suspension of belief by a fair margin.

* Bumblebee, you can’t just spit out her tapes. That’s rude.

* I couldn’t really get behind the general’s plotline. Which is understandable, because the writers are already juggling so much in terms of development - Bee’s development, Charlie’s development on multiple fronts and backstory, the actual plot - so they really didn’t have time to delve into his story too deeply. They couldn’t really afford to make him much more that two-dementional for much of the film, since he was one of the driving antagonists who never really got much more that a minute of screen time per scene he was in (if that) - and so his about-face in the climax felt slapped on and convenient rather than earned. Plus, his interaction with Bee in the beginning of the movie could have been completely excluded with no major changes to his character. For these reasons, I think they shouldn’t have included him as a Character at all. He was just kinda flat and unnecessary.

* I do think his salute to Bumblebee, and the returning Victory Fist, was super cute though.

* I just lost it when Bee started going to town on the mean girl’s car. It’s been a good while since I’ve laughed that hard at a movie. Maybe it was just how late the hour was, but I thought it was hilarious.

* I love parallels, and the ones going on with Bee/Charlie’s dad were so good.

1) She was working the car in her garage as a way to connect with her lost father, a way to keep him alive, so to speak. “If I could just just fix it,” she tells Bee at one point, “it’s like ... he’ll hear me.” All of these desperate hopes, tied up in fixing her car to save her father. Later, after the Decepticons have left Bumblebee (who also happens to be Charlie’s car) for dead, Charlie is scrambling over him , trying to find what’s wrong, sobbing and chanting, “I can fix this, I can fix this,” as she desperately tries to bring back another dead loved one.

2) In passing, Charlie mentions that her father died of a heart attack. When she’s trying to bring Bee back, she shocks him with the electric guns - they act in a manner that’s extremely reminiscent of electric paddles. Precisely the way one would try to bring back someone who had suffered a heart attack. Whether Charlie witnessed and remembered that and was desperately hoping, Let it work. This time, please let it work, or whether this was simply meant for the audience, it’s still a delightful parallel.

3) The diving, of course. The last time she’d dived was the day her father died. That changes when Bee is under the water, and she once again dives, this time in order to save his life.

4) After Charlie has saved Bee’s life, and then let him go willingly because her place is here, with her family, and not out there with Bumblebee, that’s when she’s able to finally fix her car.

* In so many ways, Charlie gets her father back - or at least overcomes the losses she suffered with her father - through Bumblebee. It’s so beautiful, and touching, and I’m so in love with it.

* Oh, and don’t get me started on their goodbye scene. Bittersweet in such a good way.

* Even without the incentive of connecting with her dad, I can’t blame Charlie for slaving away for so long over that car, because oh. *fans self* That car is a dream.

Okay, this got very, very long and I applaud anyone who made it all the way through. Thanks for sticking around to hear all my rambling thoughts!

#bumblebee #random thoughts #if you're thinking about reading this brace yourself #it is VERY long #sorry for oversharing