#coming to the end of some hard times but ive hardly eaten the past few days and my pain is worse than usual | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

a-simple-imagine · 5 years

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Powers of a Supernova

Requested by anonymous: “may I please request a Natasha x fem!Reader? Where the Reader is making herself weak/sickly because she is trying so hard to contain her powers of supernova. Natasha doesn't know that the Reader has powers, but is beginning to notice how ill the Reader is becoming”

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!reader, Elements of Platonic!Tony x fem!reader

Words: 8.2k

A/N - I’m so sorry this took so long and is so long, I’m such a mess. It took me forever so I hope it’s to your liking anon. I hope the length doesn’t put anyone off

TRIGGER WARNINGS - Swearing, mentions of guns and knives, Mild Violence, illness and talks of death and destruction

You weren't always like this but you decided to try and forget anything that came before. It wasn't worth dwelling on the past when this was your life now. You stare down into the eyes of the enemy as you hold the pistol, aimed at their chest. Itching to pull the trigger but you had developed a bit of a mean streak. You liked to watch them beg. The realisation that they were about to die take over before you inevitably sealed the deal. The guy below you was silent but you could tell he was scared. There was a familiar glint in his eye. Your forefinger squeezes the trigger; the sound almost deafening as a bullet fires right into his chest. Another shot for good measure. You scanned the area around to see if there were any strays that needed to be put down.

"It's all clear over here," You announce, proud of how quickly you managed to secure the location.

"Great, well we could use a little help over here," Natasha calls over the coms and your lips curl into a proud grin.

"God, it's hard work being the best avenger," you tease as you begin to head in their direction. "I'm on m- " Your words cut off by a muffled cry as a sharp pain shoots through your brain. It's strong and concentrated causing you to grip your head with both hands.

"Y/L/N? Are you okay?" The voice belongs to Steve. A stupid question really but you're too focused on the pain to care. You feel lightheaded but your knees buckle sending you crashing to the floor. Turning into your back, you watch the blue sky above.

"Y/L/N?" Tony calls. The ringing in your ears getting louder by the second. "Does anyone have eyes on her?"

"Y/N? Do you copy?" This time it's Natasha. Her voice is surprisingly cold like steel. You want to reply but it feels like the world is coming crashing down around you. A heavyweight on your chest as the sky begins to fade away. "Speak to us?"

There is a hint of panic behind those steel walls. You know Natasha too well not to notice. But it's too late as everything around you sinks into complete darkness.

A sharp intake of breath fills your lungs as you shoot up in bed. Hands clawing against your chest to check if this was real. You could feel your heart beating rapidly in your chest as it rose and fell in a quick, labored fashion. Aching muscles, a pounding headache and a few scratches here and there but other than that you were okay. Your Y/E/C eyes search the room for answers. Hospital beds line the walls each with curtain dividers between them. An array of different machines were dotted around, probably of the medical variety. On your bedside table sat a glass of water along with a pack of Oreos. An IV was secured to your arm.

"Where am I?" You mumble out loud

"You're currently located in the hospital wing of the Avengers compound in upstate, New York," FRIDAY announces. You jump a little, not quite expecting a reply but you quickly relax. You're back at the compound which is a good thing. Despite all the beds, there is no one else in here. Not even a doctor. Part of you expects this to be a dream and some sort of demon to come crawling through the doors. You pinch yourself just to make sure you're awake. Where was everyone? How often was this room actually used? You lay back down, wondering how much trouble you'd get in if your just up and left. As if she could hear your thoughts, Natasha pushed through the door. Strolling over to you.

"Good, you're finally awake." She approaches the bed, looking to you with a warm smile. You stare into her green eyes for a moment before frowning. Running your hand over your throbbing head.

"What happened?" You question, watching as she pulled up the chair left by your bed so she could sit closer. "We're not sure," she responds, her shoulders rising in a casual shrug. "You just started screaming over the coms. Tony went looking for you. We thought you were dead but there was hardly a scratch on you. You were just lying there unconscious."

You consider her words, trying to remember what happened exactly. But the more you tried to recall the events the more intense the throbbing of your headache became. It was like your brain was intentionally trying to block out the memory. At least you had only passed out. That was a good thing. Gripping the IV tube that's attached to your arm, you yank it out; throwing it off to the side. Natasha rose to her feet, hands held out before her.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm going back to my room." You throw off the thin covers and slip off the edge of the bed. Bare feet connecting with the cool tiles before you entire body fell too. Your arms stop your head from smashing against the ground. A frustrated growl slips through gritted teeth as you stare at the white of the floor. Natasha reaches for you but you shake her off. Pushing yourself to your feet, taking a few steps to test your legs. You're shaky but manage to keep yourself upright.

"I really don't think that's a good idea," Natasha expresses but she doesn't try to stop you.

"Good thing I didn't ask you then." You grumble.

"But-"

You turn around. Natasha hasn't moved from your bedside. Her brows furrowed and arms folded across her chest.

"I'm fine, Nat. Just drop it, okay?" You fall against the door frame, using the wall for support as you return to your room.

The next few days are dark and slow. All blended into one. It was all a burden if you do say so yourself. You had hardly left the sanctuary of your own bed. Hardly eaten. Finding the energy to do anything was proving difficult. You had no idea what time it was right now but the on flush of illumination assaults your eyes. You bury your head into the pillow, seeking the darkness once again. Fists tightening around the duvet.

"Wakey, wakey, Sleeping Beauty," You'd know that condescending voice anywhere. You groan loudly, wishing he would just go away. "Don't make me kiss you."

"Go away, Tony." You spit out, picking up your head to look to him. Squinting in the brightness. Stark is stood at the edge of your bed, he pulls off his glasses as he looks down at you. Smirk on his lips. "It's too early."

"It's three in the afternoon." You're not shocked. You had lost track of time, days ago. "You okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You sure?" He questions, brow cocked. "You've been in here a while and the others are really starting to worry."

"I said I'm fine Tony. Fuck off."

"Someone's touchy." He mutters under his breath or at least attempts to. You growl at him; baring your teeth. His hands shoot up in surrender. "Woke up on the wrong side of the bed, I see. Look, I'm just here to get you to the briefing. So come on, up you get."

Ignoring him, you toss over in bed. Pulling the duvet closer to your chest.

"Y/N. Get up." He states firmly. Arm in the air, you hold up your middle finger.

"Guess we're doing this the hard way." The covers slide through your fingers, Tony dragging them away. You hold on tight but he manages to overpower you. Stubborn as ever, you stay in bed. Tony leans over to grab you, dragging you to the end of the bed. You scamper for the mattress but you can't grip. He picks you up throwing you over his shoulders, a strained huff passing his lips. He holds you firmly against him, turning and walks out the door. Your limbs feel heavy and you don't quite have the will to want to fight back.

"Put me down, Tony."

"No. If you're gonna act like a baby, I'm gonna treat you like one."

Tony carries you into the conference room. You can't see their faces but you can tell all eyes are on you. "The Princess has arrived."

He places you down, next to an empty seat. You glare at him; hard. Arms crossed. His eyes issue you a challenge. Willing you to go against him. He wasn't worth it. Slumping down in the empty chair next to Natasha. Tony sat on the other side of you, he gives you a bright smile which you don't return. After a moment, Steve coughs awkwardly and continues talking. You fall down further in your seat; keeping your head down.

Natasha leans in close to you. Her hot breath tickling your neck but you refuse to look up. Still pouting because of Tony. "You look like shit."

"Wow. Thanks." You briefly glance at her just in time to see her smile vanish

"How are you doin? We've hardly seen you recently."

"I'm fine." You whisper harshly.

"You sure because-"

"I said I'm fine." Your growl. Steve's words trail of as all eyes snap to you; heat rushing to your cheeks. They linger a little longer than you would have liked as Steve continues his briefing. It's pretty boring. Your eyes threaten to close as you sit there, awaiting the migraine that was fast approaching. When the meeting finally came to an end, you grabbed some pain killers and a bottle of water before returning to the solitude of your room.

It's a few more days before you feel up to being alive again. You were feeling much better. You could actually move without your head throbbing and the pain in your muscles had faded. And so you had begged to get back in the field. Anything to rid yourself of the confounds of the compound and Tony for that matter. He bugged you every chance he got. They paired you with Natasha and sent you out to retrieve some data that was stolen from SHIELD. You stood on alert beside Natasha as she worked on the computer. This whole thing had been so easy; too easy. So when a group of armed guards came marching into the room, you were hardly surprised. An annoyed groan leaves the redhead so you give her shoulder a reassuring squeeze. "I got this, keep going."

Jumping down from the platform, you stand center of the room. Around six men filtered through the two doors. Three each side. You've trained this. "Sorry boys," you slowly drop your hands, going for the two guns that sat in the holsters on your hips. Fingers dancing over the trigger. "It's lady's night." Guns fly from their holsters, firing at the closest two men before anyone has a chance to react.

Bang. Bang.

Bullets meet their targets and the two men fall to the ground with a loud thump. Shots straight to the head. Ducking behind a desk, you peer out to gauge their positions. The sound of gunfire fills the room. Idiots. This was gonna be easier than you had originally thought. They clearly weren't experienced fighters just normals guards. Sacrifices. They were still separated into two sections. Two on one side, two the other. Sneaking to the left, you eye the guard closet to you. Putting one gun away, you fire a few warning shots before charging. Pushing off the ground, you jump at the closest guard and wrap your arms around their neck. Swinging your legs forward towards the guard charging towards you, your feet collide with his chest pushing him back. He stumbles into the wall. Swinging backwards and with the help of gravity, you drag the guard in your arms to the floor. Landing on your hands and knees. You quickly jump to your feet and shoot him in the chest twice. Catching his balance, the other guard comes at you but you just dodge, kneeing him in the groin and as he bends over in pain you shoot him until he's on the ground. Two down. Two left. They were heading for Natasha who was rapidly typing on the keyboard with one hand while firing her gun with the other. Running up behind them, using one of the work stations as leverage you jump onto one of them. One leg over his shoulder as you expel two small blades from your wrist bracelets. Plunging them into his neck. The guard fell forward and you rolled off him. Just one left. From your space on the floor, you round your leg kicking the gun out of his grip as you stand upright. In that moment strong arms wrap around your chest, tight. You elbow him a couple of times, wrapping your arms around his neck. You jump as high as possible, bringing your knees to your chest briefly before you bring the guard back down with you, twisting your body to send him flying to the ground.

"Done," Natasha announces loudly, "...Y/N?"

Palms on the floor, you push with all your might to get back to your feet. With a heaving chest, you smile at Natasha. Pulling out your gun, you shoot the last guard as he sits up. "Next time..." you take a deep breath. "we're going to a bar. Time to go?"

"I have to wipe the hard drive first."

A playful groan passes your lips. "Seriously? You couldn't have done that when I was fighting six armed men by myself?"

"I'm going as fast as I can." Natasha finishes up and you both head out. Delivering the package before heading back. You suddenly felt very, very hot.

"Good job today," Natasha praises, walking a few steps ahead of you. "It's nice to see you get back into the hang of things.

"Thanks, I-" Cut off by a wave of dizziness, you stumble into the wall. Smacking against it, Natasha turns back to you with wide eyes.

"What's wrong?" She asks quickly but you just shake your head a little.

"I'm okay." You explain, using what little strength you have to push yourself upright but you keep one hand on the wall just in case. "I guess I'm just a little tired after the mission.

The redhead doesn't believe you. You can tell by the way she's looking at you through narrow eyes. She just knows you won't let her help you. You've got too much pride. She offers you a small, unsure smile as you steady yourself. Only for your body to completely give into the darkness. You're awake long enough to see Natasha rush to you. Her word sharp. "Shit-"

Your eyes flutter open to the familiar sight of the hospital wing. You were really starting to hate this place. Why couldn't they just send you back to your room? You feel worse this time. Weaker. Your entire body feels heavy and sore for that matter. It takes a lot of energy just to sit up in bed. A muffled groan leaving your lips as you do so. Your lungs burn with every breath you take.

"Took you long enough." Natasha barges through the door. You're confused as to how she always knows when you wake up. You turn your head to her.

"How long was I out?"

"Couple days,"

You sigh softly. Something was wrong that much was obvious but it was clearly getting worse. Going for the IV, Natasha's hand falls on top of yours. "How are you feeling?"

"Honestly? Like I got hit by a bus which then backed up over me just so it could hit me again."

"So pretty good then, yeah?" Natasha teased with a playful chuckle.

"Good enough to go back to my room." You insist. Slipping out from under her, you grab the IV tube but Natasha's hand wraps around your wrist. Holding it in place. Her grip was surprisingly tight.

"You have to stay this time, okay?" Sounded more like a demand than she was giving you a choice.

"I'll be fine." Her grip tightens.

"At least wait for the doctor to come back." Natasha meets your eyes with a steely gaze. She wasn't going to let this go. You would roll your eyes if you weren't worried that you'd get dizzy. She cautiously let's go of your wrist and you submit to her rule. No point in fighting her. The doctor enters. You don't recognise him. He asks Natasha to leave before turning to you. He introduces himself to you as Dr. Daniel J Keith before explaining the complexity of the situation. They had an idea of what the problem was but it was just a logical assumption. They hadn't dealt with this before. You were a rare case which was understandable. You had never met anyone who could do what you could. He explained how there was nothing they could do except help ease the pain before proceeding to change your morphine bag. A lot of use he was. What's the point in seeing a doctor if they can't even tell you what's wrong with you. You get about an hour of peace, you almost drift back off to sleep once or twice before Natasha returns. She brings you dinner on a metal tray; placing it on the table attached to the bed. It was lasagna you think. You don't know why she paired it with fresh apple juice but that's what was in the cup. You really didn't feel up to eating right now. Natasha did and she filled you in on the last couple of days. Everything Tony hiding Steve's shield to the fact Vision had taken up gardening. You frankly didn't really care but you enjoyed listening to Natasha speak. She always had such interesting ways to describe things. You liked the way her nose crinkled when she laughed. You appreciated that she was taking the time to come sit with you while you were stuck in this hell hole. But one thing you didn't like was her curiosity. Inherently not a bad thing but she asked too many questions which you often didn't want to answer.

You had been trapped down here for what feels like a lifetime but in reality, it had only been like two days. Visitors came and went. The redhead was sat next to you, around five cards in her hand. You were too tired to play anything complicated so you settled on go fish. The rules were simple. Try and get rid of your hand by creating pairs. You had six cards; Natasha was winning.

"Do you have a seven?" you hum. Looking to her as she didn't respond right away.

"Nope, go fish." Grabbing the top card off the deck, you slide it into your hand. It was the two of hearts and you already had the two of diamonds. A smile graced your lips as you remove the pair.

"Your turn,"

The other woman seemed distant today. Distracted. Getting a conversation out of her was like pulling teeth.

"Can I ask you a question?"

A little surprised by the sudden question, you place your cards face down in your lap. "Does it matter if I say no?"

"What did the doctor say?"

And there it was. How long had she been sitting on that question? "Nothing." You shrug.

"You're not lying here for nothing."

It was times like this you wished you didn't have secrets. That when you first joined up with the Avengers you had just told them everything from the get-go because now it looked bad. If you tell her now it'll be like you were lying all this time. Natasha's hand brushes against the back of yours. It was her attempt at reassuring you. Letting you know it's okay to tell her but you just... weren't ready.

"I don't know what you want me to say, Nat. They don't really know what's wrong with me."

"How can they not know?" Pulling your hand away, you toss over in bed so your back is facing her. Not caring about the cards slipping down the blanket or the game you were just playing.

"I'm getting really drowsy can you go... please?"

"But-"

"Natasha please, just go." You can hear her movements beside you but you refuse to look. No more words are shared between you as she exits. You fall onto your back when the coast is clear, eying the doorway. Would there ever be a right time to tell the entire truth?

As days pass, you don't seem to feel any better. If anything you feel worse. You're sleeping more. If it weren't for the morphine you'd probably be in a lot of pain. Instead, you feel high most of the time. Natasha hadn't been visiting as much since you kicked her out. You'd seen Tony a few times as well as Steve. Wanda came along to entertain you too.

"How's the patient doing?" Natasha questions loudly as she strolls in.

"Alright." You mumble quietly as she approaches. Looking down on you with a gentle smile.

"What can I do to help?" Her hand graces your face, thumb drifting over your cheek. You lean into her gentle touch.

"I would like to go back to my room. We have an in house doctor so I don't see why he can't just see to me in my room."

"I'll see what I can do, anything else?"

You shake your head slowly. "Thanks, Nat."

"No problem."

Thanks to Natasha you're finally allowed to leave the hospital wing and head back to your room. It's a relief to finally be in your own bed again but you can tell you're still not getting better. Some days you manage to find the strength to walk but Nat has to get a wheelchair to get you to your room. She'd helped with everything. You kinda felt bad for her; that she was doing so much for you when you could practically feel your body fighting itself. You constantly felt nauseous. And there wasn't a day you didn't wake up without a headache. There was nothing you could do or at least nothing you wanted to do. Too scared of what'll happen as a result. You couldn't bear the guilt of anything happened to them. If anything happened to Nat. Everyday she would come in and have dinner with you or if you felt up for it, she'd take you to eat with the others. You hardly ever actually ate but it was still nice. It showed they cared.

"I need you to answer me honestly okay?"

You look at her but don't respond, waiting for a question.

"You're not getting better are you?"

Your brow furrows as you drop your gaze. There was only so long you could lie to her. You weren't convinced she believed you when you first told her that you were starting to get better. All you can do is shake your head.

"Were you ever gonna tell us?" Eyes on you as she stabs a fork into some lettuce on her plate. Popping it into her mouth.

No, is the real answer but you shrug instead.

"Are you... dying?" You shrug again but that's not enough this time. Natasha's getting annoyed with you. "Can you at least talk to me? How long is it gonna take until you trust me."

"I don't know, Nat. I really don't all I know is I feel like shit and it's getting worse by the day."

"Has the doctor not explained to you what's happening?" She wonders. Leaning over, you grab the bottle of water off your bedside table. Twisting off the cap.

"Sure but he doesn't really know either. He's never dealt with powers like this."

"Wait, powers?"

Shit. You hadn't meant to say that. You take a long swig of water as you try to come up with an excuse.

"I never meant to say that," you say through heavy breaths. "I just- he uh... he's never dealt with something like this before so we don't really know what's going on."

The other woman watches you carefully. For a moment you think she'd gonna continue interrogating you but she just smiles.

"Okay, I have some work to do," Natasha stands and leaves. "I'll see you later."

Your brow furrows completely confused by her reaction but there wasn't much you could do about it.

How many times can you rewatch Brooklyn Nine-Nine until you wanna jump out a window? The answer is this is your sixth time and it's getting annoying. The show is funny but binge-watching shows was getting tiresome. You just wanted to do literally anything else. And as an answer to your prayers, there is a hard knock against your bedroom door.

"Hey, Sleeping Beauty," Guess that was just your nickname now. Tony barges in, a gift bag in his hand. "How you doin' hauled away in here? Gone mad yet?"

"What do you want, Tony? I know you're not here to hear about my future revenge plans on you all for keeping me trapped in the compound."

"Well, I figured you must be bored in here so I got you a little something," Holding up the little gold bag, placing it on top of you. It had a little iron man gift tab. "But I'm also here to get you out and about. Doctors orders and Nat thinks you being a meany."

"Did she say that?"

"Meany may not be the word she used. She has a very crude mouth." Tony informs you, sitting on the edge of your bed, he falls back laying across you.

"I know."

Tony looks at you for a moment and then back to the ceiling. "Ew."

"Like you can talk."

"I have never said a bad word in my entire life." He insists, sitting up abruptly. "Now let's get you outside... and maybe open a window- did something die in here?"

Tony jumped up off the bed, holding both hands out to you. "Do I have to?"

"I will drag you out of this bed, you know I will."

"I can do it on my own." You sigh softly, getting out of bed and almost falling in the process. Tony comes to your aid, providing you with support after he collects the gift bag he brought. He slowly leads the way out of the facility and you set up shop on a bench. It was refreshing just being outside, looking at the grass and the trees. The blue sky above with the sun shining on your face was exactly what you needed right now. Tony may be a gigantic pain in the ass but he was the only one treating you like some fragile little bird. Yeah, he was supportive but he didn't go overboard.

"You look rough." Stark interrupts the peace. You turn to him and he taps you gently on the nose.

Your face scrunches up in response, a weak chuckle passing your lips. "Thanks, Tony."

"So you wanna talk?" He asks softly, nudging you playfully. Glancing towards him, your shoulders rose in a shrug.

"About what?"

"Anything. You've been kinda isolated so I'm just want to help you feel human again." He shrugs. "How about you start with these secret powers of yours?"

"What powers?"

"I believe that's my question. Seems Romanoff caught you in a lie."

"God that girl has a mouth on her." You comment.

Tony places an arm around your shoulder, pulling you close to him. "So what can you do kid? Control fire? Turn invisible? Did you get bit by a radioactive animal and take on their characteristics? I don't think I can handle another spider on this team."

"It's nothing like that, although I'd make a cool Spider-Man."

"So...?"

"Tony,"

"Does SHIELD know?" Tony wonders.

"Of course they do, I wouldn't be here if they didn't." You'd probably be in prison if it weren't for SHIELD or some weird mutant facility. You had never imagined becoming an avenger or anything of these sorts.

"So you just kept a gigantic secret from the people you work and live with. Dare I say your friends."

"I don't use them anymore so I had no reason to tell anyone. That information is confidential and none of your business." You explain.

"Why don't you use them anymore?"

"That's a story for another day, Stark."

He doesn't push you and you're thankful for that. Instead, he removes his arm from around you and goes for the bag. Dropping it in your lap. "Here," Peering into the bag, you spy a black case with a pink zip. Pulling it out, you open it up to reveal that Tony had gotten you a game console. A Nintendo Switch to be exact. "I did a little tinkering with it but should still work fine so don't break it."

"Thank you," A smile spread across your lips and he offers you one in return before sliding it back in the bag. "I was one Brooklyn Nine-Nine episode away from jumping out a window."

"You can hardly walk how you gonna jump out a window." He teases as he gets up. "You coming in? I'll get Natasha to make you some food or something? She would do literally anything for you."

"No," you shake your head. "And don't use Natasha's goodwill against her, I don't want food poisoning."

"I'm just saying... you say hoop, she'll jump even if that jump puts you straight back into the hospital," he mumbled, holding his up against his chest in surrender. "You going to be okay out here alone though? I don't wanna hear that you've collapsed or something because I'll get blamed for it."

"Don't worry. I can handle myself." You try to assure him. It wasn't entirely a lie. You were feeling a little better just being here and you were pretty sure you could manage the short trip back through the doors.

"Tell that to Natasha because she's really worried about you- like more than the rest of us. Crazy worried." With a quick wave and a gentle smile, he leaves you alone in the yard. Staying alone in the yard wasn't so bad. You had your phone and it was a nice day. You finally decide to head back inside when a chill hits the breeze and the sun begins to set. In order to continue feeling like a human, you take a detour into the living area. It was mostly quiet. Natasha was reading a book on the couch. Meanwhile, Vision was stirring something on top of the stove with Wanda sitting at the island, watching him. Using her powers to grab ingredients as they converse. None of them really notice your entrance until you're stood beside the redhead on shaky legs. she glances at you briefly before returning to her book. A wave of nausea hits and you fall down onto the plush fabric. Breathing deeply through your nose

"I'm sorry about the other day," She doesn't even look up from her book, just turns the page and continues reading.

"It's fine."

"I shouldn't have lied to you but you were being really pushy about something I didn't want to talk about."

Closing over her book, she places it to the side and looks to you. "As I said, it's fine but you should know by now that I can tell when you're lying."

You're unsure of how to defuse the situation so you both fall into an awkward silence. That's when you remember the gift.

"Do you... wanna play with me, maybe?" You ask quietly pulling the game console out of the gift bag. "Tony got me this."

"Sure, why not." Fiddling with the case, you remove the controllers and place the Switch on the coffee table. Switching it on, you throw one of the controllers into Natasha's lap. Turns out Mr. Stark had hacked the system. Added some custom apps and downloaded a few games. The biggest difference was probably the addition of FRIDAY. That man just loves his AIs. You had no idea what use it'd have in a game console but I'm sure it'll have a use. Asking Natasha what she would like to play but she just shrugs so you settle on Mario Kart. Can't really go wrong with a simple racing game with beloved and recognisable characters. A dull pain in your back, you lean against the sofa, starting up the first race. You selected Isabelle from animal crossing while Natasha was sporting Rosalina. The count down starts.

"So you have powers then?" You glance towards the woman who was sat, leaning forward.

"I do." You shrug, turning back to the game. You had fallen into third place. "Not that it's important."

"You don't think we deserved to know?" she queries. "That's a pretty big thing to keep from us."

"It wasn't any of your business," you shrug, trying to focus on the screen. "I never use my powers anyway."

"What can you do?" It's the first time Wanda has even acknowledged you since walking in.

"I can create massive explosions. SHIELD calls it the powers of the supernova, I call it a burden."

"Supernova? They're one of the most powerful explosions known to human science. At its peak brightness, the optical luminosity of a supernova can be comparable to that of an entire galaxy. Known to be so powerful some even create black holes."

"I... okay? I don't know anything about supernovas but I can create explosions." You nod at Vision's evaluation, look over at him and then back to your game. You were loosing while Natasha seemed to be cruising in first as you come up on the last lap. Who would have guessed she'd actually be good. Then again she was good at most things except maybe opening up to people or being vulnerable and cooking. She was awful at that.

"That's... terrifying," Natasha mumbles quietly, her eyes not leaving the screen. "You're basically a walking bomb, that would have been nice to know considering how many missions we do together."

"I don't use them so you were never in any danger."

"Say something went wrong? Don't you think I at least should be aware that you could kill me at any second?"

As the race comes to an end you let it linger on the continue screen as you took in what Natasha was trying to imply. This right now was one of the reasons you kept to yourself. The judgment. The fear.

"I don't... fuck you, Nat." You growl.

"Excuse me,"

"I would never intentionally hurt you or anyone on this team. I have it under control." You insist. Natasha chuckles to herself, turning to you.

"What's your idea of control?"

"Suppression." You reply. "Just don't use them."

"That can't be good for you," Wanda pipes up. "You should tell her."

"Get out of my head, Wanda." Closing your eyes, you let your head fall back against the top of the couch.

"Tell me what?"

You sigh loudly. "The reason I've been so sick is probably because I've been trying to suppress them for so long."

"So you're essentially killing yourself?"

You hum softly, unsure of what to say. "I'm saving more people than I'm hurting."

"By killing yourself," Nat repeats.

"If that's what it takes."

Throwing her controller in your lap, Natasha gets up. "You can't be serious."

"Everyone would be better off." You shrug, looking up to her. Her stoic expression flattered just slightly, her brows furrowing for a second. "Can we get back to playing?"

"No. I'm not gonna sit here and let you throw your life away."

"It's not up to you," You argue. "I've killed people, Nat. Innocent people."

"Yeah well... join the club." She shrugged, walking away from you. You'd go after her if you thought it'd make any difference.

"Natasha Wait," You call out and she did in fact stop. "I'm sorry okay. I just... I lost control once and accidentally killed a bunch of people. If it weren't for SHIELD, I would have been locked up. It was easier to just push that part of myself away and yeah, it's coming back to bite me in the ass but I don't know what else to do."

"I've done a lot of bad things, Y/N- we all have but that doesn't change the fact that we also do a lot of good. This team does a lot of good and you're a part of that." Her words lack the emotion you would expect from anyone else. They're sort of cold. Your Y/E/C eyes drift from her back to your lap, your hands bawling up into fists.

"You said it yourself, Nat. I'm basically a bomb, the team would be better off without me and unless I use my powers I'm not sure how much longer I'm..." You trail off, not wanting to say out loud. Saying it out loud would make it real. Death. Would your powers eventually kill you, you can't be sure but it was the assumption you'd been living with. It hadn't really hit you until now though.

"Then use them," Her words interrupt your thoughts, bringing you back to reality. Natasha half turns to you, the glare she was giving you was almost scary.

"I can't... I don't know what'll happen- I don't know if I even still can."

"We'd help you. You just have to be willing to ask." Natasha replies quietly.

"Fear really is your own worst enemy," Wanda adds quietly.

"I just don't want anyone else to get hurt especially because of me."

"And they won't." Your attention is brought back to Natasha who was making her way back over. She holds a hand out before you. "Trust us."

"would either of you like to join us for dinner?" Vision asks breaking the tension in the room as everyone turned to him. "It should be ready now."

Taking Natasha's hand, she yanks you to your feet. You stumble into her, arms draping over her shoulders to support yourself from collapsing face-forward.

"Trust me." The redhead whispers as you pull back, looking into her green eyes.

"No offense Vision, I'm sure it's great but I don't feel too good and I'd rather just go back to my room." You explain, standing up straight.

"I hope you feel better." He bows his head a little.

"Let me help Y/N here back to her room and then I'll take some."

Natasha makes sure you're stable standing on your own before proceeding to collect your things. Carrying the gift bag, she takes one of your arms putting it around your shoulders and helps you back to your room. Carefully placing you on your bed, she drops the gift bag down on your bedside table.

"Do you need help changing or can you manage that yourself?" She questions softly.

"I can manage, Natasha, don't worry." You assure her softly. You'd be too embarrassed to say otherwise anyway. You've been looking very sickly as of late. Thinner. Paler. The woman sits down beside you, her hand falling to your knee.

"Do you want our help, Y/N?"

You weren't sure what you wanted exactly. Not having to carry the burden of your abilities sounded perfect. the sweet relief of death would solve that problem easily. And there was no guarantee they could do anything anyway. Agreeing wouldn't mean that you get to live. "I... don't know. It might not even be worth it."

"But we should at least try." Her hand gently squeezes your knee. "Let me talk to Tony, he claims to be a genius so I'm sure we can come up with something."

Rising to her feet, Natasha heads to the door leaving you to watch her walk away with no response lingering on your tongue. She turns back briefly, a soft small smile on her lips. "I won't let you die, Y/N. Not on my watch."

The woman disappears. Off to have dinner with the others. Meanwhile, you get changed before climbing into bed, drifting off almost immediately.

The next few days are spent in meetings with Tony, Nat, and Bruce. Usually, those meetings consisted more of just having lunch or dinner together but the purpose of them was to ultimately help you. You had stopped trying to push people away; you doubted they'd listen if you did. They ran tests with advice from the doctor. He was mainly there in case something went wrong, Bruce and Tony aren't always the safest of people when it comes to their experiments. Natasha, on the other hand, was doing some training with you. Usually very brief sessions due to your fatigue but still. For the most part, you focused on controlling your mind and body through yoga and meditation. She was trying to help you channel your energy if you will. You had no idea if it was working because you were still avoiding using your powers.

Within weeks, you find yourself stood in the centre of a giant empty room. The entire thing was white, with no windows and only one door. It had a rather clinical look to it crossed with an abandoned warehouse. It was kind of creepy. Made you think of the saw movies. The place had been built per Mr. Stark's request. He was around here somewhere. Shifting weight from one foot to the other, you bend down to fiddle with the pant legs of the skin-tight suit they had given you. It wasn't comfortable in the slightest, actually rather itchy.

"You ready?" Tony's voice echoes throughout the empty space reminding you of just how alone you are. You stand to attention, surprised by the volume of his voice.

"Not even a little bit." You yell, unsure of how loud you have to be for them to hear you.

"You'll be fine so stop yelling," He assures you, "and if not then you'll kill us all so we won't remember anyway,"

You hear a faint 'ow' follow his words which brings a tiny smile to your lips. "No pressure or anything then."

"Okay so your suit should absorb some of the energy from your blasts and the building should too. Plus there is nothing around for miles so it's low risk. Just... don't release all your energy at once or-"

"You'll all die I get it, Tony."

"Atta girl. Okay-" he pauses mid-sentence. "Wait, Natasha wants to give you some words of encouragement."

"Don't fuck up, I don't feel like dying just yet."

You roll your eyes, shaking your head a little on the process. Giving her two thumbs up. Were there even cameras in here? Probably. "Thanks, Nat, that's a big help."

You take a deep breath, trying to calm your nerves. One mistake here and Nat could die. Tony could die. You didn't need more blood on your hands right now. "I don't think I can do this."

"Yes, you can." It's Tony's voice again, still much too loud. "We didn't do all this prep for nothing."

"You trained for this, Y/N." Your mind drifts to the nights spent with Natasha in the gym or the area surrounding the compound. This was entirely different though. This was much more real.

"Can we hurry this up? I'm starving" Tony groaned. Another faint 'ow' followed and you figured Natasha was hitting him for being insensitive to the situation. "What? I haven't eaten all day."

"Neither have the rest of us and you don't see us complaining."

"Guys, can we get back to me please?" You ask quietly. They hear you so there must be microphones everywhere.

"Sure. We're ready on this end, it's all you." Tony explains brightly. "Remember, short burst of energy. And please try and not destroy this state of the art facility I had built just for you."

You shrug quickly. "You'll be dead so it won't make much of a difference."

"Touché." He chuckles.

You walk to the centre of the room and take an exaggerated deep breath in. Shaking your arms and kicking out your legs to loosen up a little. You were very, very anxious. This was about to go terribly right or painfully wrong. Letting your eyes close, you focus your mind. You think about what you want to happen. A small, quick blast of energy. Don't go overboard. Don't let emotions take over. Emotions lead to chaos. Chaos leads to mistakes; destruction. You just needed to focus and you could do this. Focus that pent up energy into a cosmic blast of energy. It's that easy. Your entire body feels like it's vibrating, it starts off slow and then builds and builds, your body taking on a bright glow. It's been a long time since you've felt this way. And then you expel the energy. The light bouncing off the walls enveloping the entire room an intense white light. Falling forward, you land on your hands and knees, pain shooting through your hands and knees as they connect to the ground. You breathe heavily through gritted teeth, as your head spins. The illumination fades, all that's left behind is the remnants of colored light, purples, and blues with a sort of sparkle to it. Your powers could be considered beautiful but that didn't make you hate them any less. They were still dangerous. Always a risk.

"Shit, Y/N are you okay?" Tony calls out, there is a certain degree of panic to his voice. Looking up, you nod quickly. Pushing up on shaky legs, you brush off your pant legs.

"Are you alright to keep going?" Natasha asks. You give her a thumbs up despite not knowing where to look exactly but honestly, you didn't want to keep going. You had a bad feeling about this.

"You got this." Nat continues softly. It was nice to have someone on your side. Someone who didn't make a joke every five minutes like Tony although his help was very much appreciated too. Another deep breath and you did it again. A couple of times. Until your head is screaming for you to stop and the world around you all blends into one. The bright colors blinding as you stop trying to hold back. You just... let go. The building shakes aggressively. You hear someone call out your name as your body goes completely limp. Smacking the ground hard as you fade back into the all too familiar darkness.

You awake to a splitting headache and a beautiful view of the top of the quinjet. A loud groan leaving your lips as you try and sit up, leaning back against your palms. Before you have a chance to react arms wrap around you as lips connect with yours. It's soft and warm. Your mind doesn't catch up until Natasha pulls away, avoiding your gaze. You let your fingertips glide gently over your lips, still feeling the kiss. Either that or it was the aftermath of your powers still tingling through your veins. You knew you were on the flight home which means that you hadn't been out too long. That was a good sign.

"How's the princess, doing?" Tony wonders as he walks up beside Natasha. "Feeling any better?"

You did feel better; lighter almost. You didn't know if it helped you in the long run; tomorrow was another day but right now it seemed to have hit the spot. You offer up a shaky smile. "Honestly, I'm just really hungry."

"The girl almost killed us and now she wants us to feed her? I'm still seeing spots from those lights." Tony teases playfully before patting you on the shoulder. "I'm really glad you're still with us though kid."

"We thought we lost you," Natasha adds quietly. "For what it’s worth i’m glad you're okay too. What you did back there was pretty impressive."

"Yeah, Romanoff we can tell you're glad." Tony laughs, tossing something into your lap. You glance down to see a string cheese and a Capri-Sun. Glancing back to him, you flash a gracious smile. "Should tie you over for now. What you in the mood for?"

"Hmm, pizza." You announce sharply. Opening the string cheese and proceeding to pull it off in 'strings' like you're supposed to. "but can we go out for food? I'm sick of the compound."

"Whatever you want." Tony shrugs. You drop some cheese into your mouth. "I've got nothing better to do. And Romanoff doesn't have a social life so,"

"hey." She slaps his arm playfully before turning back to you. "Are you sure you're up to going out?"

You nod a little, stabbing the juice pouch with the little plastic straw. "If I collapse you can just carry me back home."

"Bet she'd love that," Tony slyly comments to which you giggle.

"Fuck off Tony." She growls. With a chuckle, the boy walks away from the two of you. "Ignore him."

"...You kissed me."

Her eyes flicker briefly to yours, "Yeah... I'm sorry. I just-"

"No, it's fine" You shake your head slowly, smiling at her warmly. "I was surprised but I kinda liked it."

"Oh," She seems surprised but there was a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. "Well... good."

Permanant Natasha tag list;

@highlandxcoo

#natasha romanoff #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha romanoff imagine #natasha romanoff imagines #Black Widow #black widow x reader #black widow imagine #black widow imagines #marvel #Scarlett Johansson #avengers #tony stark #tony stark x reader #tony stark x you #natasha romanoff x you #tony x reader

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writingmilo · 5 years

Text

Maya: Chapter 6

Part 3 of Flipped AU

TRIGGER WARNINGS: MANIPULATION, STARVATION, PHYSICAL VIOLENCE

Maya had been in the room for days. Once some of the pain from the first day had disappeared, she had managed to move herself over onto the bed, settling into the soft plush of the duvet and mattress. Another day later and more of the pain had gone, and she was able to walk as long as she held onto something. The first thing she did was look inside the drawers and the wardrobe, trying to find something to eat. Despite the IV she had in the hospital for a few days, she hadn’t eaten anything since she had eaten lunch with Kenna.

Kenna.

The thought of Kenna made her chest tighten, and even though she had missed their date, she was sure that she was smiling when she thought about her. She needed to call her, or text her, just let her know what was happening.

For a second she considered just asking for a phone, but she knew that would lead to a flood of questions that she didn’t want to answer for fear of dragging Kenna into the mess. It was also unlikely that they would give her a phone in case she called the police. Whilst she was thinking, her mind drifted to the thought of food. She had behaved since she had been in the room, maybe they would give her some. She would have to ask though, which would require getting someone’s attention.

She started to think of plans until she had one she was happy with. Limping to the wardrobe, she opened its doors and picked out the least revealing outfit that was there, and laid it out on the bed where she had spent the majority of the last few days. Then, she went to the bathroom that was connected to her bedroom. There wasn’t a lot in there, a shower, a sink and a toilet. Nothing had been left in the cabinet besides some shampoo, shower gel and a towel.

Tentatively, Maya switched the shower on, waiting for the water to run warm before she stripped off her bloody clothes and stepped under the stream. At first she hissed, when the water ran into the cuts, and when soap suds entered them. But she managed to wash herself until she felt cleaner, and stepped out of the shower, drying herself off with the small towel.

Half-wrapped in the towel she walked back to the bed, where she dressed in the clothes from the wardrobe. With the towel no longer being used, she was able to dry her hair somewhat, even if the violent rubbing hurt the bruising on her scalp.

Now was the hard bit, to act submissive. She knocked on the door, waiting for a reply. When nothing came, she started talking, keeping her voice controlled and her sentences short. She had prepared the script in her head, there was no way she was going to ruin her plan by going off on one now.

“Please, is anyone there? I’m sorry. I have dishonoured the family and I deserve my punishment. I need to apologise to Chase.” She waited in silence, hoping for the click of the lock.

After a few minutes and no click, she resigned herself to the fact that she would likely starve for her temper. That was until she heard the shuffling of feet, and the muffled sound of whispering voices outside the door. Every fibre of her body wanted to push her ear to the door and listen to the conversation, but she resisted, sitting patiently on the edge of the bed.

Eventually, the click of the lock sounded, and the door pushed open, revealing Chase and Jackie stood in the doorway.

“So, little duck, Jackie tells me you are ready to face your punishment for your behaviour?” Maya nodded.

“Stand up.” She did.

“Follow.” She walked a pace behind Chase, still limping, with Jackie behind them both before slinking away. The hallways of the house were endless, turning the large building from a home into a maze, and they walked in silence along them until Chase stopped, and gestured for Maya to go ahead of him. They entered the kitchen, and he told her to sit at the table. As Maya found a sitting position that didn’t agitate any wounds, he opened the fridge, revealing it filled with food, including some of her favourites. He shut it again before she could start drooling, holding nothing; he opened the oven, pulling out a warm stack of pancakes. Finally, he placed them in front of her with a set of cutlery. Only then did he sit down facing her.

“Eat.” The command took her by surprise, and she hesitated. “Or I’ll eat it myself.” At the threat she cut into the stack, taking a bite. This gave Chase time to talk.

“Maya, we understand that you’ve just gone through a huge shock, but you can’t lash out at us. Jackie tells me that you wanted to apologise to me.” Chase’s expression was sympathetic, as if he really wanted to help her.

“Yeah, I do. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have spoken so violently towards you and Louise. It was wrong of me.” Maya bowed her head.

“It was, but you are forgiven.” Maya breathed a sigh of relief, and went to thank him.

“However if it happens again you must not expect us to be so lenient.” She nodded, turning back to the table. “And there is one more thing — of several — I would like to discuss with you, little duck, for now: we understand that you are in need of some new,” He scanned Maya, ”more appropriate, clothing, and are happy to take you shopping when you feel fit. Once again, there will be some ground rules: mainly that you must stay with whoever takes you at all times.” In Chase’s pause, Maya took more time to eat the pancakes he had given her.

“As well, there will be a family meeting late this afternoon, and you will be expected as part of the family. Until then, you have free roam of the house, go and explore.” Smiling, he stood up, leaving Maya to finish her pancakes. Having not eaten for over a week, she could hardly make a dent, and ended up throwing the majority in the bin.

Before leaving the kitchen, Maya looked up at the clock; it would be at least a couple of hours before the meeting. The thought of running away did cross her mind as she passed the front door, but it was quickly dismissed. There was nowhere for her to go, and it would reveal her submission to be a lie. So she continued down the hall, weaving in and out of doorways, under huge chandeliers and past paintings and tapestries that lined the walls. Each room she passed, if the door was open, she would look into. Bedrooms, spare rooms, storage, a soundproofed room with a computer and lights, something that looked like a doctor’s surgery, an almost comical corkboard, an empty room, there was almost anything she could imagine somewhere in the house. Except… she continued along the hall, towards a grand door that was larger than the others. It wasn’t closed, but it wasn’t open either. Summoning her courage, she pushed it open, revealing shelves lined with books.

Finally: a place where she could spend a few hours.

When Jameson came to call her to the meeting, he found her sat cross legged on the floor surrounded by piles of books that towered above her lowered head.

“You found the library then?” His voice startled Maya, and she squeaked as she dropped her book.

“It’s very nice. I could stay here forever.” Maya looked down at her lap sheepishly, embarrassed over her reaction to Jameson.

“It is beautiful isn’t it? I enjoy spending my spare time here, and it’s amazing how many ideas can come from books. Some of my most coveted works started here.”

Maya looked at him, puzzled by what he meant. He did look familiar, but where from she couldn’t place. Before she had a chance to ask, he had changed the topic.

“Anyway, I’m here now because a family meeting has been called. We need to go now, come on.” Maya scrambled to her feet, eager to follow Jameson closely so she didn’t get lost. In her haste, she forgot that she was still holding her book.

Soon enough they arrived in the meeting room, where everyone else was sat around a large table. Chase stood as they entered the room, and gestured to the empty chair that was next to him. Jameson had left her at the doorway, so she walked up the room, feeling everyone’s eyes on her, and took the seat Chase had offered her with a mumbled thanks.

Chase started the meeting.

“Brothers, little duck, I called this meeting as a way to formally introduce Maya to the family.” There was a cheer through the room. “After talking with her this morning, it has been decided that Maya is fully a part of the family. She also wanted to say that she is sorry for how she acted when she first arrived here.” Mumbles of acceptance sounded, and Chase continued again.

“Now there is only one thing left, which is to help Maya move happily into life with us, the house rules.” Everyone groaned, as if part of a script. “I know: you’ve heard them before and you know them well, but there have been a few changes since we adopted a little duckling.

First: a strict curfew of eleven pm for everyone. That one hasn’t changed.

Number two: obey the rotas and lists for house chores and cooking.

Three: the family is everything that you ever need. If you have a problem, we can help you.

Four:If there is a dispute, an impartial member is invited to mediate the removal of any harsh feelings, and then it should be forgotten.

Maya, on this note, if you want to leave the house, you ask one of us, and they will decide whether you may leave or not, and whether you need to be accompanied. If one of us says no, you can’t go and ask anyone else. That undermines our authority and puts us against each other, when our family is a whole.

Finally, be happy! We want you to be happy and safe here, you can talk to us about anything.”

Everyone stood up, telling Maya that the meeting was over. As she stood up to leave though, Henrik took her arm and led her to his lab.

“I would be happy to give you a check over, to make sure that you are more healthy than before.” Maya jumped onto the bed, her legs dangling over the side. Remembering the book that was still in her hands, she held it in her lap. Henrik scanned the cover before he started to examine her broken ribs and the bruising on her back.

“That is one that I used to read to my children, the Grimm tales.”

“You have children? Do they live here too?” Maya wondered how she managed to miss multiple children in the house.

“No, my ex-wife took them and now they live with her and her tennis-instructor. But it is okay, I can focus on my work now better.” Henrik took the book, turning it once in his hands before placing it on the bed beside her, and hitting Maya in the ribs.

The strangled sound of pain answered the question before he asked it. “Did that hurt?”

Grimacing at the pain in her ribs that was now ebbing deeper into her chest, Maya struggled a nod.

“Ah, yes, of course, because it is broken, your chest. A broken chest takes quite some time to heal, but will be better than ever.”

“Do you mean ribs? I thought my ribs were broken?”

He paused a minute at the correction. “Yes. Yes that must be what I meant.” He returned to his work.

So that break was just a tad longer than I expected, but I am proud to say that as of now, Flipped AU posts will be returning to their regular schedule. Hopefully :)

@honestlyitsjustkenna @thelunarmasquerade @goldenoceanaart @kate807 @bloodygoldensam @unsuredoodles @the-yandere-kitsune @septicuniverse @simsepticfan @friezzzboiii @atomicsepticeye @jessiitjiia @maybekatie @theluckoftheclaws @egopocalypse (idk if you want to be tagged but when i first started this kenna kept telling me to tag you and i guess i finally worked up the courage to give you my attempt at angst as an offering)

#flipped #flipped au #writingaspen #jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye egos #jse septic egos #flipped part 3 #writers of jack #writersofjack #jacksepticeyefanfiction #jacksepticeye fanfiction #au #trigger warning #trigger warning violence #trigger warning starvation #trigger warning manipulation

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idreamofwolves · 5 years

Text

Old Times -Part One

Summary: Negan stumbles upon a familiar face from life before the end of the world.

Pairing: Negan (The Walking Dead) x OC

The dead walk the earth, the living survive on nothing but fuel in the form of safe houses and scraps of food they find or hunt. It wasn’t the way Emily ever thought things would be, or anyone for that matter, but there she was, hiding out in some old, abandoned cottage in the middle of the woods. She thought this would be her safe place, somewhere she could feel comfortable sleeping without the fear of being eaten by walkers in her sleep. She was wrong.

Emily had woken in the middle of the night to the sound of pounding on her front door that she’d hardly reinforced given her false sense of safety. That was mistake number one. Mistake number two came when fear started to override rational thought. Instead of running for weapons when the door cracked open, she attempted to hide herself in a small closet.

As the dead drug their feet in, they became frantic, or as frantic as the dead could be, in search for the living flesh they smelled and craved. Her hands shook and tears ran down her face. “This is it. This is how it’s going to end.” She thought, feeling more hopeless than ever.

Just when she had given up all hope, she heard something that would change the course of her awful night. The croaking sounds of walkers dying tang through the cottage, making her perk up and wonder what on earth was going on out there.

When the sounds of smashing and crushing finally came to a close, foot steps could be heard around the area. It seemed like only one person, but Emily couldn’t imagine a scenario where one person could kill so many walkers. And although it was against her better judgement, she slowly and quietly crawled out of the closet. She gasped as she was quickly met with the rotting face in hers. She threw herself into her back and took in the bloody scene around her.

Just as she started to get overwhelmed, a figure in the doorway took her attention. “Ho-ly shit!” The man exclaimed, oddly amused somehow. A barbed wire covered bat was sling over his shoulder, dripping with blood. He seemed unfazed by this. “We got a live one.”

“You did this?” She asked, not sure what she was more horrified by, the graveyard around her or the man above her that caused it without a flinch.

“Yeah and saved your ass in doing so.” He chuckled as he rest back on his heel. “What’s your name, doll?” The room was dark and she couldn’t see much, but she recognized that voice from somewhere.

“Emily.” She answered without thought, his demeanor and authoritative stance made her feel afraid, but he’d just saved her life. She couldn’t be anything less than grateful. “Thank you, for this.”

“Emily.. Have we met?” She was taken aback by the question, but upon really looking at him, she realized he was right. They’d met before, long before the outbreak.

“Negan?” She answered, trying to hold back a smile. She stood up and brushed herself off quickly before going back to the conversation. “You’re alive? What are you doing here?” She hurried to him and hugged him out of a rush of relief and joy.

“I could ask you the same thing.” He hugged her back, almost dropping his beloved bar in the process. His smile was still there, but it wasn’t the normal, cocky grin he often wore. He was shocked to find someone from his old life, relieved even. It suddenly made him miss the old days.

They’d met long before the outbreak, looking at her was like looking into the past, into a place he dearly missed when he let himself think about it.

He pulled away from him to look him in the eyes. He looked almost just as he did the last time he saw her, except maybe more muscular now. “I haven’t seen you since..” she trailed off, remembering exactly when she saw him last but didn’t want to say.

“Since the bar.” He finished, and in the back of both of their minds they remembered their first and last meetings.

Negan’s wife, Lucille, was harsh and demanding and every part of him felt his marriage had failed. They fought so often that he barely knew what it was like to laugh with a woman anymore, until he met Emily. He’d often go to the bar to get out for a while and let things cool off at home. That’s where he met her.

She was shy and new to bar tending, she wasn’t cut out for it but she was pretty and men tipped well. It wasn’t what she really wanted to do in life, but it paid the bills.

It was a slow night when Emily came into work. It was the last shift, and a short one at that. She was ready to go home as soon as she came, until she noticed the tired looking man at the end of the bar. A few others lingered as they sipped their drinks, but it was him she was interested in. “Hey.” She smiled as she gained his attention. “You okay?”

“Doin’ great doll.” It seemed like he’d actually meant to sound more honest, but it came out sarcastic. “Mind filling this up?” He slid his glass over to her, and motioned toward the nearby bottle of whiskey.

She lowly watched him as she poured the whiskey. She slid his glass back and checked on the other bar dwellers. After a few moments of contemplation, she went back to him. “Want to talk about it?” She pried, making him chuckle.

“That obvious, huh?” He rubbed his eyes with his hand and took a deep breath. “Think I’m here for the same reason most of these lonely, alcoholic bastards are here for. Angry wife.”

“Ooh. That bad, huh?” She rested her elbows on the bar and sipped on her soda. “By the look on your face, I’m guessing it’s one of two things. This is your first big fight with a wife you’re crazy in love with, which I’m going to doubt since I’ve seen you here once or twice, or this is becoming so common that you don’t know what to do anymore. Am I close?” She found it easy to talk with him, despite her normal reserved nature.

“Spot on, sweetheart.” He chuckled and sipped his drink, looking confident but deep down she knew he was feeling down.

“It’s Emily.” She smiled and lightly tapped her name tag. She got a smile out of him, which was really all she wanted.

“Negan.”

From that moment on, they bonded over broken relationships and their off sense of humor. It was an unexpected friendship laced with some kind of flirtatious nature, as time went on.

Negan quickly became attached to Emily, as he was able to use her as therapist and friend. She reminded him how to laugh, and she helped him forget about the rest of the world outside of the bar. And although the friendship was innocent enough, he knew himself enough to know he had feelings for her.

Emily, on the other hand, was incredibly oblivious to Negan’s flirting. She saw it as a joke most of the time, just friends kidding around, even if it did make her heart beat out of her chest. He wasn’t someone she ever imagined she’d want to be with, but she couldn’t help but imagine it at times. She found safety in him, as he was always there to ward off the seemingly sexual predators that frequented the bar now and then who always wanted more than a drink from her. She found solace in him, knowing she could vent if she needed to and ask for his opinion. He was honest and caring, something rare, she thought.

The last time Negan saw Emily, he knew it would be the last. The news of Lucille’s cancer made things hard for him, and he knew he couldn’t keep seeing this girl anymore. As much as it hurt him, he knew he had to let her go.

He walked into the bar, his composure slightly different than normal. His confident stride and cocky smirk had completely vanished. “Hey you.” Emily greeted him as he took his normal seat. He mumbles out some sort of greeting, but it was incomprehensible. “What’s up buttercup? Bad day?” She asked, thinking he and Lucille must have gotten into some kind of major fight.

“Yeah.” He shrugged. “Definitely a bad day.”

Emily frowned, she hated seeing him upset. “Whiskey kind of day, huh?” She poured him a drink but he put his hand out to stop her.

“Look sweetheart, I’m not staying today. I just wanted to drop in and give ya this.” He dropped a folder note down on the bar for her to read. He didn’t have the courage to tell her what he desperately needed to say, especially knowing it wouldn’t get him anywhere anyway.

Emily picked up the letter and looked him in his sad eyes, somehow knowing she wouldn’t see him again. “What’s this?” She asked, not really wanting to open it.

He sighed and looked away for a moment, trying to figure out what to say. “Read it later, okay? Lucille’s got cancer so I won’t be around much anymore. Just thought I’d say ‘bye’ to my favorite bar tender.” He tried to make it light, but this didn’t feel good for him, it felt like a break up.

“Oh. I’m so sorry to hear that.” She nodded, squeezing the paper in her hand. “Well I hope I see you around some time, Negan.” She forced a smile, even though no part of her felt like smiling.

“Me too, princess.” He walked out, feeling more broken than he ever had. It was hard, knowing she was about to find out what he’d been feeling, and not being able to do anything about it. Not to mention the guilt he started to feel about having feelings for another woman while he was married.

It was tough on the both of them, but they never saw each other again. Not before the outbreak, that is.

“Yeah. The bar.” She said, slowly. She didn’t want to remember that night, but she still had his note. She carried it with her the moment she’d been forced to flee her home, knowing it was all she had left of him and the old life she’d lived.

“I’m real sorry about that Em.” He started, but she didn’t want him to finish.

“How’s Lucille? Is she-“

“Dead.” He said, abruptly. “She died while all the shit started hitting the fan. Turned into one of them.” He shrugged, feeling a little defeated. He hadn’t really talked about it before, but he knew he could trust her.

“Oh. I’m so sorry.” She hadn’t expected that answer, somehow.

“Don’t be. I’m glad she didn’t have to deal with this shit show.” He motioned around them, and she knew where he was coming from. Part of her wished she never had to deal with it too, but the other option scared her more.

“Right.” She nodded and looked out the window. She felt nervous, never did she think this opportunity would come. Honestly she figured he was dead. “So what are you doing here? On the run?”

“Never.” He said, confidently. “I run a place called The Sanctuary. It’s an old compound we fenced in. We take in everyone we can, make deals with other communities, you know.”

“Thats sounds amazing. I’ve been on my own since this started. Somehow I’m still not any good at fighting these things.” She laughed, knowing her weaknesses.

“How the hell have you been living in this without fighting?” He asked, semi amused but mostly worried.

“I just go from house to house. I board everything up and live on the food and stuff there until it runs out, then I venture off to a new home.” She wasn’t proud of the way she’d been living, and honestly she had very little contact with anyone since the beginning. It was amazing to her not only seeing someone, but seeing someone she knew.

“Come on, come to The Sanctuary with me. We got food and hot water, even beer.” The offer was enough without the luxuries he’d mentioned. She realized she still had feelings for him, and she wondered if he still felt the way he said he did in the letter. There was only one way for her to find out.

“I’d love to, thank you.”

#negan #twd #the walking dead #twd negan #negans thirst squad #negan fic #negan x oc #the sanctuary

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shibuemiyuu · 5 years

Text

Desires - Hakuoki Fanfiction - Chapter 9

Here’s another chapter! I want to thank for all the reader for giving a chance to read my story. I forgot to say that start from the previous chapter (chapter 8), the story will roll into the angst one. And in this chapter something important will be revealed that will be the main key of Hijikata and Chizuru’s s situation.

Even if we know that Chizuru is in love with Hijikata, but I don't think that the need to be near and the weird tension in the Shinsengumi is something just from their unsolved situation. For me it's a little bit weird if there is no some solid explanation behind that.

And also thanks to @impracticaldemon for the editing on this chapter (no matter when, thank you for the help Oni-chan!)

Let’s get on with the story. May you enjoyed then :3

Chapter of the stories:

Prequel - Prologue - I - II - III - IV - V - VI - VII - VIII

@hijichiweek @kirakirachiizuru

-IX-

"Phew~!"

That was the first word Sen spoke after she sat inside Chizuru's room. The owner of the room sat next to the princess. And her bodyguard was waiting outside the room.

"The tension inside that room is suffocating. I can hardly breathe inside." Sen inhaled a deep breath and exhaled it out in relief. "Their reaction was not the one I expected. I thought that they would agree to the offer. They kind of give off an aura that they don't want to get involved with an oni matter. I guess, your bond with the Shinsengumi is not something I put into the equation."

Sen was less formal now that they were not in the same room with the captains. Chizuru smiled when she remembered the captains' reaction. "Yeah. I guess you are right. And, um… I'm sorry. You know, they said some pretty mean things to you earlier."

"It's okay. Like I said, I didn't know that your bonds with the Shinsengumi were pretty deep. Don't sweat it." Sen gave an easy smile to Chizuru. "So… Enough about them. We are here to talk about you. How about you Chizuru-chan? Have you given any thought to my offer? Do you want to leave with me or not?"

Chizuru indeed had a thought about the offer. The problem was she didn't know what she should do regarding the matter. If the princess had come to ask her when she had first arrived in Kyoto, she would have gladly taken the offer and gone with her, leaving the Shinsengumi. If only she had met the princess much earlier before the things in the past months had happened… No, if only Sen had met her before she bonded with the Shinsengumi members, before she fell for the oni fukuchou…

Chizuru went into silent mode and Sen looked at her face with concern. "Chizuru-chan?"

Chizuru snapped from her thoughts when she heard Sen call her name, "U-um… Osen-chan. About your offer…. Honestly, I don't know." She cast her eyes to the ground and muttered her confusion softly.

Sen took one of Chizuru's hands and gave a light squeeze to her confused friend. "Chizuru-chan, the Shinsengumi seems to believe that they can protect you from Kazama. I acknowledge their dedication, but like I have said before, I doubt their ability against an oni strength. I'm not sugarcoating it, but the oni power is not something humans should underestimate. The reason why the Yukimura clan was murdered was because the humans that knew about them were afraid of them. We can overpower them easily. And knowing of Kazama's character, they can get killed when they are defending you from him. I know you will feel devastated if that happens."

Chizuru lifted her eyes and looked at Sen. What Sen had said was true, she had acknowledged it. The right thing that she had to do was leave the Shinsengumi. From several encounters with Kazama, she knew that Kazama was indeed extraordinary. And after the confirmation that he was oni, she wasn't surprised. Maybe because she and Kazama were both oni, she could feel his big power and strength emanating from him. Even before she knew that they were oni. If Kazama became serious and attacked the Shinsengumi… she didn't want to imagine it.

She knew it, she realized it. Still…

"Chizuru-chan!" Sen called her name and shook her a little, pulled her from her deep thought. "Why are you looking so, I don't know, like you want to cry. You're so drawn into your thoughts that you didn't realize I have called your name a few times…. Why are you finding it so hard to decide?" Sen looked at Chizuru with a meaningful gaze. "Is there something that you want to tell me?" Sen said in a solemn tone.

"I-I…" Chizuru tried to speak, but in the end, she just stayed silent. She averted her gaze from Sen and pulled her hands back to her lap. Sen didn't question why Chizuru pulled back her hands from her. She didn't want to force Chizuru to speak. She could feel that there was something that made Chizuru so reluctant form leaving the Shinsengumi. And whatever it was, it was not an easy matter to talk about. She waited in patience.

Chizuru was struggling with her thoughts, whether she should tell Sen about her and Hijikata's situation or not. It was obvious that the thing that made her so reluctant to leave the Shinsengumi was the infamous oni fukuchou. Their situation wasn't solved yet. And to leave from the compound with their situation like this, it would leave a bitter taste in her mouth. Not to mention that for some reason she just couldn't, didn't want to be far from the vice commander. She bit her bottom lip.

'Osen-chan has given me an offer to protect me from Kazama. I know… I can feel that her offer is an honest one. She really cares about me. Of course, she will be confused about why I am so reluctant to leave the Shinsengumi.' She turned her head to look again at the demon princess. Her eyes were serious, but she could feel that Sen was really concerned and worried about her being. Her eyes, while they were serious, were also honest and warm. 'I guess I should tell her about it. And honestly, I need to talk to someone about this matter.' Without Chizuru realizing it yet, her situation with Hijikata had nearly made her suffocated. She didn't have anyone to talk to about her situation. She had pushed the matter deep inside her and unconsciously it had eaten her from inside more than she had realized. It had bottled up inside her. A ticking time bomb that was near its time to explode.

She would tell Sen about her situation and hoped that Sen could help her about the matter. But when she opened her mouth and was ready to tell her story, suddenly the door of her room was opened and Kimigiku poked her head inside the room.

"Pardon for my intrusion, but the two of you have been silent for quite some time. May I ask if everything is okay?" The kunoichi, a term for a ninja woman, had been listening to their conversation from the outside. She stood a few meters from the door, not exactly in front of the door. She wanted to give privacy to the two girls.

"There's nothing for you to worry about." Sen answered her bodyguard without turning her head to the woman. While Sen seemed calm, Chizuru was surprised with the sudden intrusion. She forgot that Kimigiku was also stood outside her room. She just intended for Sen to be the one that would hear what she wanted to talk about. She thanked whoever had given the opportunity for the sudden interruption.

"In fact, Okiku please go to the common room and stay with the other men of the Shinsengumi. We will go to that room if we finish our talk later."

"Hime-sama-"

Sen turned her head and looked at Kimigiku with authority in her eyes. "I need to talk to Chizuru about something and I really need the privacy. Please leave and wait for us there."

The kunoichi knelt to her mistress and closed the door before disappearing without another word.

"Now Okiku has gone. You can continue whatever you wanted to tell me before she came Chizuru-chan!" Sen encouraged Chizuru to continue from where she left before.

"But, isn't there something that you want to tell me Osen-chan? You told Kimigiku-san that you wanted to tell me something?"

"That was just an excuse for her to leave both of us alone. I saw your expression when she entered the room before. And I would bet that whatever that you wanted to tell me earlier was not something that you want another to hear and know. It's not me that has something to tell about. Chizuru-chan, you can trust me on this one. I will never tell anyone of your secret." Sen gave Chizuru a reassuring smile. Chizuru that never had any girl-friend that she could share with and talk to, felt touched by Sen's intention. She nodded to her friend.

"There's some reason that makes me not want to leave the Shinsengumi," she started slowly. "And it started about half a year ago. The matter has not been resolved since then. Many things have happened in the Shinsengumi that make the matter remain unsolved."

"Is it something so big and complicated that it already takes about 6 months and it hasn't been solved?" Sen was curious about whatever problem Chizuru had.

"Well…. rather than something, it is more of like…. Someone." Chizuru whispered the last part.

"So the problem is this someone…. AH!" Sen exclaimed suddenly. She looked at Chizuru with narrowed eyes and for some reason had a mischievous glint in it. "Correct me if I'm wrong. That someone that makes you not want to leave this place is someone that you like, isn't it?"

Chizuru blinked her eyes, flabbergasted with Sen's sudden change of mood. Once the princess' question had gotten into her mind her cheeks started turning red. And she gave a small nod to answer her friend's question.

"Really?!" Sen said excited. "Who?! OH! Would that be one of the men in the common room?" She teased her tomato-face friend.

"...Yes."

Once again Sen grabbed Chizuru's hands and gave a little squeeze to them. Chizuru looked straight at Sen while the latter gave a warm smile to the former. "So, you don't want to leave this place because you can't leave behind this man." Chizuru nodded again. "But Chizuru-chan, if you stay and Kazama comes, you would also risk this man's life. Losing someone that you loved is not a thing that I want you to regret later." Sen emphasized the situation that they were in with her serious tone. "It is not that you two can't meet later in the future. I will arrange it so that you and he can meet frequently without the two of you having to risk your lives by meeting and countering Kazama. Believe me, he's not someone that you want to get mess with."

Her mind was processing Sen's words.

"Osen-chan..." Sen gave another squeeze. "If the only problem is like what you've said, that we couldn't meet each other, I wouldn't be so reluctant to leave this place. The thing between me and him is much more complex and complicated than what you've said."

The princess silently listened to Chizuru. It was Chizuru's time to speak and she's afraid if she cuts into her story, it would take some other time for her to be brave enough to tell her story.

"Something happened between me and him about 6 months ago. Something that only myself is aware of."

Sen tilted her head, confused with Chizuru's words. "Eh?"

Chizuru gulped and clenched her hands, bracing herself for the upcoming revelations. "Osen-chan…. I have slept with him."

"…" Blink. "Sorry?"

"I'm no longer… virgin."

"….." Blink. Blink. "What?"

"And the worst part is he was drunk when we slept together and he didn't realize that he had slept with me. He also doesn't remember or have any recollection about this."

"….." Blink. Blink. Blink. "W-WHAT?!" Sen pulled her hands from atop Chizuru's hand and placed them on her cheeks, while exclaiming her horrified shock. Sen felt her body go limp. She felt that her energy had gone somewhere far away. The revelation of Chizuru's confession was too shocking for her. She didn't prepare for anything this… this shocking! It looked like her outburst wasn't so loud that it would alert the occupants in the common room to burst into the room. She felt relief for that. But still!

Women in the Bakumatsu era, the era that the Shinsengumi existed, didn't have any significant value other than to bear the man a child and to be a good wife. Any woman that was found that to have lost her virginity outside marriage would be looked down on by others. Not to mention that she would be a shame to her family. If men that didn't have a wife were looking for some pleasure without attachment, there was a red light district for that purpose. That's why virginity was so valuable for a woman in that era. Losing virginity was like losing your value as a woman already.

Chizuru was a girl that had been raised with such knowledge since she was little. She wasn't afraid of what her family would think about her. The only family that she had was gone missing. The matter would be addressed properly after she had found her father. And no one knew about her condition except herself. But to let another person be aware of her condition would be another matter. She still felt ashamed of what she had done. To share her condition with another would be embarrassment on another different level. That's why she was so horrified when she knew that Kimigiku almost heard about her condition.

Sen widened her eyes and they nearly fell from their sockets. She was speechless. Never in her wildest dreams would she dare to imagine that Chizuru would be in this big trouble. She didn't give any vibe of being such a character that would be daring enough to do that thing. Her head was spinning. She took a deep breath and heaved it loudly before setting her eyes again on the other occupant. "May I know, who is it?"

That was the question that Chizuru had expected to be ask since she told her story. But still to speak out loud the name of the man, it made her insides churn and honestly she didn't want to tell it.

"It's…. It was…" She darted her eyes to anywhere but Sen. 'You have told it so far Chizuru. It would be weird if you don't put a name to the man that you just informed your friend you had slept with. And after you told her that only you that were aware of the situation.' She opened her mouth but was frozen by the next words Sen spoke, which cut all the words from her.

"It's Hijikata isn't it?" Looking at her still friend confirmed her suspicions. She had pondered why Hijikata's reaction was kind of… odd before, when she was assessing the captains' reactions. Looks like she didn't read into his reaction too much like she had thought earlier. Because indeed there was something between Hijikata and Chizuru. She just didn't realize that this something would be this… big.

Plus, Chizuru nodded her head a little to confirm Sen's conclusion. Her bangs were covering her eyes.

"Osen-chan…. I'm sorry."

"Chizuru-chan…."

"I know that what I've done is not something that I should do. Even right until now I feel so ashamed of myself. That one spur of a moment, blinded by my desire, I've crossed a line that I should not cross. But one thing that you must know," she lifted her head to look straight at Sen with a firm gaze, "I did not regret it. And if you ask me how I feel about it right now, my answer would be same: I don't regret what I've done." Her voice didn't waver. She hoped that her friend could be convinced of what she had felt.

Sen looked back at Chizuru with a knowing expression. "You love him, don't you?"

Such a short question. A question that was not a question, rather than more like a statement that needed to be confirmed. A question that for the first time someone other than herself had asked her to answer. A question that when she had realized it for the first time, she had felt dread and denied the answer with all her might. Because there was no way she could fall to a person that would kill someone without a second thought, someone that showed nothing but cold and stiff expression, someone that would not hesitate to kill her if just in a slightest he thought that she threatened the existence of the Shinsengumi…. Someone that didn't care or like or love her at all!

But also, a question that for the first time made her look beyond the man that he showed and what other people believed him to be. Beyond that cold and stiff exterior. Beyond that oni demeanor. Beyond the vice commander of the Shinsengumi…. In which she found the very man that she had fallen in love with. Behind the persona that he always exuded for the exterior, the other side of him, his inside persona had made her heart flutter like no other man had. A question that she could answer in only one way to the demon princess.

"Yes."

Sen knew that look. Even if she hadn't had the luxury to feel that way toward a man, she had seen it on some other people. A look of someone in love. Chizuru gave that look without any hesitation. And for that she felt sorry for her friend. Looks liked Chizuru had no idea at all, of what kind of trouble she had gotten herself into.

"When did this thing happen?"

Chizuru thought back to that night. For some reason, her body was getting a little bit hot. "It was at the same night when we met in Shimabara."

"Oh my…" Sen was lost for words.

"There was a man that pushed me to a room beside our room after I parted from you. And in that room, I found him drunk alone. Things happened and it escalated to something that led us to have a sexual intercourse." Her blushing face got redder. "Osen-chan…. I did that on my own decision. Even though I feel ashamed of what I've done, I would never forget that night. He made me…. a woman. It was as if he knew what he was doing and with whom he did that. My body never reacted like that night before. Only him that could make me feel that way. And because of that, I could accept my feeling that I love him.…

"I could feel it, that night was not just a night to satiate a need. We… We made love. I know that sounds absurd, with him not aware of the situation and who he had slept with. But…. When he gazed at me, in his drunken stupor, I could see that it wasn't only lust that reflected in his eyes. Even though I couldn't describe what I had seen, I could feel it. His caresses, his kisses…." Chizuru hugged herself to prevent herself from moaning at the memory of that night. "Osen-chan… I was loved that night. And I gave my love back to him with the same intention that I felt he gave to me." Tears had sprung to her eyes, overwhelmed by the feeling that slowly was too much for her to suppress. She looked hopelessly at Sen. "I...I…."

Sen hugged Chizuru. "I'm sorry. But I guess you could use a hug right now. Calm down Chizuru. Just pour out your feelings slowly. You must have bottled up this feeling without someone to talk to. I won't go anywhere until we finish this."

Chizuru placed her forehead on Sen's shoulder. "There's this feeling." Chizuru spoke again, slowly. She clutched her kimono in front of her chest. "I don't know why, but since that night I always want to be near him. The need to be near him and to be with him was almost too much to bear. A desire to be quenched. For the first month after that night, there was this weird and high tension in the compound that had made kind of a suffocating atmosphere. I knew that some of the captains felt that tension. And it didn't go away until sometime later." Chizuru lifted her head from the princess' shoulder. "And I knew that tension must be from the unquenched desire from my body. Each second it called for it to be satiated. I could suppress it for the most time. And maybe the tension had gone because somehow I could control my feelings.

"I barely can make it in this state. I don't know how I would cope if I have to separate from him. I know how dire the situation is and how it's imperative for me to leave. It's not I don't want to. But I can't." A lone tear escaped from her eyes. It had been a long time since she could pour out her heart, to share her feelings with someone else. Sen had offered to listen to her, and she used it to her heart's content. After all she really needed this talk.

Sen hugged Chizuru again and rubbed her back. Chizuru was confused about why she was feeling what she felt right now. Her friend was clueless of what situation she was in at the moment. Well, she was a kid when she got separated from her family. Her supposed father didn't give her what she needed to know regarding this situation. And if he was kind of hiding her heritage of being an oni, it was to be expected she guessed. Because no human had this kind of thing like what the oni had. She was the one that had to explain it to her friend. She heaved a sigh and pushed Chizuru to arm's length.

"Chizuru-chan. I have something to tell that would explain your situation and why you felt the feeling that you felt toward Hijikata." Sen spoke solemnly. "It's kind of a long explanation, so I need your focus in here. But first you need to calm yourself."

Chizuru nodded. She was regaining her composure. She breathed in and out, and after a few moments her breath was calm. "I'm all ears."

"Have you heard anything about Oni no Kizuna (Demon's Bond)?"

Chizuru dug in her memory and shook her head in the end.

"Oh, sorry, I forget that you don't remember any memory of you being a demon. Because Chizuru the cause that have make you feel that strong to be inclined toward Hijikata is this bond that you have unconsciously formed with Hijikata."

"I don't understand. What bond?" She looked confused and did not understand one bit of Sen's words.

"Chizuru-chan, you have created this bond when you slept with Hijikata." said Sen bluntly.

Chizuru blinked her eyes rapidly, still didn't understand what Sen told her meant. "Osen-chan, what kind of bond?"

"The bond that you have created is a bond that tied your soul. In this case, yours and Hijikata's. As an oni finding our partner is like a matter of life and death, because once you have bonded with your partner you can never annul or break this bond. And we perform that bond by having sexual intercourse; in other words you bond if you have sex with or, if you are fortunate enough, make love with your partner. We, the oni, can only bond once in our life. Even though our partner is dead, we can't make another bond because our soul has merged and will be together with our partner's forever.” explained Sen. “The weird atmosphere you told me before that lingered around this place previously was most likely because of the bond. Maybe it happened because the bond is incomplete, that it unconsciously made you and Hijikata called toward each other. You must feel like there's some strong urge to always be near him."

Chizuru remembered ‘the urge’ that Sen had mentioned. She absentmindedly nodded. Of course, she remembered what Sen referred to as the urge. How many times she almost lost to that urge and just went to Hijikata and threw herself toward him? The first time she felt that urge, she almost did what her body told her to. But being her clumsy self, she tripped herself and instead of Hijikata, she met with the hard, cold floor and got a nasty bump on her head. Fortunately, no one noticed her action. But she swore she had felt Hijikata gaze toward her before she plunged to the darkness, unconscious from the bump she got. Inoue told her later that Hijikata was the one that brought her to her room and until he arrived, Hijikata was the one that tended her injury. That was just one of the many urges that she had felt during the past months. It wasn't that she had been getting used to it, because the urge was as strong now as the first time she had felt it. She had learnt to control it, even though it would slip from time to time if she didn't focus enough.

"That urge won't go away unless you complete the bond. From what you told me of your story I can tell that you haven't completed the bond." Sen continued with her explanation.

"….What should I do for completing the bond, Osen-chan?"

"Don't worry. It isn't a hard thing to do. You just have to drink each other's blood while saying a vow to each other that you are bonded to each other."

"But… if we have to complete the bond, that means that I have to tell him that we are bonded to each other, and I have to tell him what happened that makes us bonded to each other." Chizuru bit her bottom lip hard and said her next sentence in a heavy tone. "I CAN’T do that,” said Chizuru adamantly. "….Osen-chan, I don't want his pity." She said in defeated tone. "I knew him, know him enough that he would try to take responsibility for what happened if he knows. That is one of his characteristics that has made me fall for him. His sense of justice is so strong. But in this case, it is also his flaw. Rather than tell him so that he will be forced to be together with me unwillingly, out of duty, it would be better that he doesn't know our situation at all."

Even though Chizuru said her confession in her defeated tone, Sen could hear there was some conviction behind her tone. Chizuru might look soft and weak. But she was one of the most stubborn people she had met. Within the short time that they had met and spent together, she could see that Chizuru had this stubborn streak. Not to mention that she also had the pride of an oni, that wouldn't like to be look down to and would rather die than someone took pity at her.

She was proud that Chizuru didn't lose her pride and dignity as an oni, but as a woman she was frustrated with Chizuru's decision.

"But Chizuru-chan. You would suffer for unknown time." Sen had heard stories of some oni that didn't complete their bond with their partner because of some dire or special situation. The agony and longing that Chizuru would feel was something that Sen didn't want her friend to feel later. It could push you to insanity because of the intense pressure of the incomplete bond. "I don't want to scare you, but this is not something that you should decide so easily. As I told you before, this is a matter of life and death. It can kill you if it isn't done in a right and complete way."

A pregnant silence stretched in the room. Neither of the two occupants had any idea of what they should do regarding the matter. It was Chizuru that broke the silence first.

"Osen-chan, I want to ask you a question."

"What is it?"

"Can you know if someone, an oni has bonded with another without that said oni telling you that they have bonded?"

Sen shook her head. "No. I would not know at first glance at you that somehow you have bonded with whoever, Chizuru-chan."

"Then Kazama will not know that I have bonded with someone else."

"No. The bond is a sacred thing that only the ones that have created it can feel."

Chizuru nodded and went silent again. For a moment, she was afraid that the other oni (Kazama) could know that she had bonded with Hijikata. Kazama was coming for her because of his intention of making her his bride. If he found out that she was no longer available to be his bride and it was because of someone that was his enemy… The scene would not be pretty, surely. A relief spread through her body after Sen told her that there was no way the other could know, oni or not, of the bond beside the two persons that had created it.

"Chizuru-chan, even though you could hold the urge and desire inside of you all this time, but you won't be able to hold it for much longer. You have to complete the bond as soon as possible."

"…No."

"Chizuru-chan!"

"No, I can't. At least for now, I can't. Give me time."

They were exchanging stares. One with determination, one observing. In the end, for the umpteenth time that night Sen heaved a sigh. "I hope that time won't be too long."

Chizuru gave a grateful smile to her friend.

"I guess asking you to leave from this place is out of the question now."

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. It's your decision. And it can't be helped." Sen gave her a rueful smile while she shrugged her shoulders.

"Thank you, Osen-chan."

"No. Don't thank me. You just don't know what misery you have signed yourself into." Sen sounded defeated.

"No, I mean it. Thank you for listening to my situation."

The demon princess could feel the sincerity and gratitude from Chizuru's smile. While she still felt frustrated with Chizuru, she was happy that she somehow could help her.

"You're welcome, Chizuru-chan."

---

When the two female demons entered the common room again, all the captains greeted them with an anxious look. Discreetly, Sen gazed at Hijikata and analyzed his reaction when Chizuru told them that she would not be leaving the compound.

She could only sum up in one word what she saw reflected in his eyes.

Desire.

She didn't know if she should smile or feel sorry because the man himself was oblivious to the situation he had gotten himself into.

For Hijikata himself, relief beyond anything spread through his body when he heard that Chizuru would be still with them. With him. And he knew that the demon princess had stared at him when she had entered the room. Frankly he didn't want anything to do with her. And he didn't detect any bloodlust from the princess, so he just let the princess do whatever she wanted to do. It didn't do him any harm.

The other captains were happy that Chizuru would stay with the Shinsengumi. They were rushing to her side and promising to keep her safe.

"The Shinsengumi accepts responsibility for your well-being, Yukimura-kun," Kondou said in his warm tone.

"Just relax and leave it all to me!" said Nagakura while grinning.

"Glad to have you around," Harada said while patting her head.

"But I have to wonder, what kind of girl would want to stay with the Shinsengumi, huh?" Okita snide remark wasn't as mean as before. It just his way to show his concern.

And last, when she looked at him, the soft smile that she had seen a few times only, greeted her sight. "This doesn't make you some kind of special guest. You get the same treatment that you always have."

What Hijikata didn't say to Chizuru was that the treatment that she would get would be the same from anyone other than him. He swore to himself that Chizuru would be treated in his own special way from now on.

Chizuru bowed her body and said her thanks: "Thank you for letting me stay!"

Before Sen departed from the Shinsengumi's compound, she took Chizuru's hands in hers and let her eyes rest on Chizuru. "Do be careful. And remember, I am on your side. If there's anything that you would like for me to help with, you know what you should do. And Chizuru-chan, don't ever hesitate to seek for my help. After all we're friends, aren't we?"

"Yes, we are. Thank you, Osen-chan." Sen gave Chizuru one last warm smile, and then she and Kimigiku, the kunoichi, were gone.

---

After they had walked for some distance, the demon princess and her bodyguard stopped and turned their head to look back. Sen silently looked back at the place that they had just walked out from.

"Hime-sama?" Kimigiku could sense the unease from Sen.

Sen didn't acknowledge Kimigiku's call. She stared back for several minutes before facing the front and beginning to walk again.

"Let's go, Okiku."

And the kunoichi followed her mistress back to their village without another word.

'Ganbatte, Chizuru-chan.'

---

Three figures blanketed in dark shadow strode toward the Shinsengumi later that night, not long after Sen and Kimigiku left the compound. Two of them only accompanied the third figure to accomplish the goal that one figure had.

And no one could stop him from what he wanted. He always got what he wanted.

"Found you."

To be continued

Note: Okay, you get a glimpse that a figure will come and make some havoc inside the Shinsengumi. You DO know who is he and at how the story would turn into. But... This won't be a fanfic if I don't do something of what will happen for the next event.

For some reasons, this chapter was harder for me to write. Chizuru's feeling has been bottle up for so long that it's not easy to tell someone of her feelings. That's why she was beating the bush and go round about before telling Sen her story.

Hijikata has got his turned to share his thought with someone (Kondou) and that helped him with his feelings. I guess it's unfair that Chizuru didn't get to talk and share her bottle up feelings, isn't it? So here comes Sen, to the rescue! I always like the friendship between these two.

Stay tuned for the next update and see u on next chapter.

Jaa ne~

#hakuoki #fanfiction #angst #romance #yukimura chizuru #sen-hime #hijikata toshizo #shinsengumi's captain #chapter 9 #disclaimer: hakuoki is not mine #writing

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n0feelingsxx-blog · 7 years

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do you like getting hickeys? only on my nek.

oral, do you like oral? i love receiving it, giving isn’t too bad either, but only do it for the right peron.

if you could see any musician live, front row, who would you choose? Eminem

plan on getting drunk or high tonight? i’ve gotten drunk the past two nights, so not tonight tomorrow i will be tho

do you have any best friends that you only know online? i know ppl just online, they’re not bffs tho

is it okay for people to cheat if it’s only online? its not okay to cheat in any snse

are you interested in anime? DBZ, KIND OF. if that counts?

do you have a favorite youtuber or do you not watch much youtube? i have few favs, but i still dont watch it too much

have you ever given a tattoo before and would you like to? i have given one actually

have you ever made out in a hot tub? dont think i’ve ever been in a hot tub

ever peed in your pants after the age of 10? when i was pregnant lmao

what was the name of the last video game you played? COD

what is your favorite elvis song? i dont listen to music that far back. don’t have anything against elvis tho lmao

what is the last tattoo you got? my sons feet on my back

what would you say is your guiltiest pleasure? food.

do you let your pets on your furniture? would if i had a pet and my own furniture as long as they didn’t shed a lot

do you enjoy your job? if unemployed, are you content being so? I’m pretty content with being unemployed, i hate working and i love being a stay at home mom

what is something you have given a lot of thought to lately? how bad i need to get this tax money, get the fuck outta this county, and get over some feelings.

what is your favorite christmas movie? A Christmas Story.

what do you think of your best friend’s ex? uhm, i didn’t really know him.

are you biracial? noo.

be honest, does the person you like actually deserve you? or are they actually not worthy of your affections? this is a hard question to answer for my situation

would you ever wear black lipstick? do you know anyone who does? hell nah.

if you wear eye shadow, do you put on a dark color or a light? and if you wear mascara, what color is it? no mascara. light collored eye shadow, brings out my green eyes.

what was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? Skittles

are you any good with kids? i got a one so yah.

have you seen the last person you kissed without a shirt on? Yup

do you like watching jerry springer? Not anymore

have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? Nooooo

have you ever unbuttoned your ex’s pants? well yah

have you ever deleted your facebook, then brought it back? mhm

have you ever kissed someone who smokes weed? yes

what’s your favorite brand of peanut butter? Is there brands other than jiffy?

do you have a thing for shy/awkward hot guys? well yeah, im not picky tho. just be nice and sweet and not a fuckboy

what’s your favorite lunchables meal? double cheese pizza

have you ever eaten at golden corral? fav buffet

do you ever decide to just dance crazy to a favorite song? sometimes when i’m really happy

have you ever watched fireworks with someone you loved? mhm

are you good at memorizing phone numbers? i am.

do you like men who have a sensitive side? yeah

have you ever used glitter as one of your makeup items? only makeup i mostly use is eyeliner

do you keep a memo book/agenda? I need to

is there a song in a different language that you can sing? None.

what was the most expensive thing someone bought you? probably north face jacket and uggs.

how do you feel about bands that use pyrotechnics in live concerts? It’s cool.

is there anyone on your facebook friends list that you dislike? why do you dislike them? some are annoying, but i dont dislike anyone

have you ever tasted baby food? how about pet food? both. they’re nasty

have you ever thought about what you might call your children? or, if you already have children, what are their names? alexander.

where is the person you would most like to see, or most like to be with? fuck guys

find 5 people on your facebook friends list, whose name begins with K. who are these people, and how did you meet them?

Kristin: my cousin

Kim:my half sister

Krysta:my main bitch

Kaitlyn: grade school/cheerleading

Kathy: my ex husbands friends wife.

is there a person that you can go to in sweats, and still feel comfy? Plenty.

do you think the last person you kissed is nice? fuck him.

how many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? trust no mf..

how far away is the last person you kissed? about 20 ft.

have you ever had a teacher that was like a second mom to you? nope

have you ever been in a school talent show? what for? nope.

was the last book you read for fun, or was it for some type of assignment? som mystery novel ider.

would you prefer to go out on a fancy date or just chill in his house? It depends on my mood. I like doing both.

do you enjoy long car rides? Sometimes.

do you ever wish you could live on a farm? Nope.

do you know how to play poker? hell yeah used to kick ass

have you ever had an ear infection? Not that i remember of

what color is your favorite bra? #nobralife

what was the name of your first boyfriend? nathan.

have you ever dated someone more than three years older than you? Not yet.

have you ever dated someone a year younger than you? i think so.

have you ever dated someone of another race? nope

do you enjoy eating veggies? ewh

are you attracted to the last person you exchanged numbers with? i dont have a number to exchange

what do you think of country music? some of its good.

do you think pigs are cute or ugly? Grown pigs aren’t the cutest animal out there… but as babies, they’re cute.

did any of your friends lose their virginity before they were 16? if so, did you feel pressured to do the same? lol. i think all my friends has sex at 16 or younger. and i lost mine at 14 so

what kind of home would you like? idc as long as i owned it

did you ever build furniture forts as a child? yassss

what kind of dog is your favorite? teacup yorkies

have you ever considered dropping acid? thought bout it

describe your music style: rap/hiphop/alternative

are you close to any of your aunts/uncles? I write my uncle in jail every week. another uncle comes visits me and my grandma a couple times a week, so. bout it.

have you ever had a seizure? No.

do you plan on losing weight any time soon? hopefully gain.

what was your gpa in high school? 3.5

if you have a favorite television show, who’s your favorite character? shameless. uhhh, i love all the gallaghers

what is your favorite book series, if you have one? I don’t have one.

have you ever had a parasite before? Nope.

do you enjoy listening to older music? Sure.

have you been to disney world before? i will someday

have you ever met someone who was really racist before? Unfortunately, yes.

if you could be a disney character for a day, who would you be? i dont like the disney characters

would you ever want to swim with sharks? i cant swim so i’d either die instantly from being eaten or drown

what was the last thing that made you laugh? I have no idea.

ever used a bow and arrow? Yes.

occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? astronomer, veternarian…

tea or coffee? Coffee.

opinions on sex before marriage? do it. fuck arriage

who was the hottest teacher you ever had? freshman year there was this math teacher who was super hot and i think he transferred cause i kept flirting lmao

have you ever walked on a beach at night? nah.

when was the last time you baked something? did it turn out good? chicken pot pie homemade, it was amazing. couple weeks ago

do you think some of the stuff we’re taught in school is useless? almost all of it

why do we put the clocks one hour forward or one hour back? daylight savings time.

what song really gets to your heart and inspires you? I’m not sure.

do you have fireflies around where you live, or do you wish you did? I think there are fireflies around here…

what commercial do you wish they kept playing? hate commericals.

what current commercial is your favorite? I don’t watch enough TV to know of any good, current commercials.

if you could have played in any movie, what movie would it be? Magic mike 2, would’ve ayed the girl who got the lapdance at the end.

did you used to do easter egg hunts when you were a child? Yes! i loved them

what would you rather live by: highway, train tracks or airport? ive lived by train tracks before, so them.

do you believe that ‘hate’ really is a strong word? I guess. Maybe not anymore

if you have facebook, are you guilty of fanning countless things? mhmm

as a kid, did you love playing on neopets? Not really. i was too poor for that shit

do you often get bitten by mosquitoes, or rarely ever? hardly ever anymore

what’s your opinion on plastic surgery? ever thought about getting it? i’m getting a boob job one day, i’ve said it since i was in grade school..

do you own any feathers? tf kinda question is this lmao no.

do you have a skype? nope

the last person you had a thing with comes up to you and says “i’m sorry”? he said sorry earlier but it dont mean shit so i just continuted crying.

where was the last place you had a romantic dinner? ive never really had a romantic dinner

do you get mad when your current bf/gf talks about an ex? when my ex did that i did. but im singleee now

do you know anybody who was abused? me, a couple ppl i know.

do you start feeling really gross if you don’t shower after one day? sometimes

do you pee a lot more after you’ve drank a caffeinated beverage? i pee about 2-3 times a day. only pee more when i start drinking alcohol

waiting for something? my life to get itself together.

who is your last received call from? grandma.

how do you pronounce the name Sean when you come across it in text… “shawn” “sheen” or “shane”? ”Shawn.”

wouldn’t it be EXTREMELY weird if someone fell in love with you after reading your answers to this survey? kinda.

who is the next person you’ll hold hands with? nofuckingbody.

have you ever pole danced before? id like to.

what is something you used to be afraid of, but aren’t anymore? i dunno.

do you believe your dreams have any real meaning? sometimes. i took a nap earlier and i dreamed of snake and bugs and i looked it up and it said that something in my life was bothering me, which is true so..

what do you think of guys who ask girls out over via text message or internet? pathetic.

do you drink more apple or orange juice? apple

do you recall the first time that you learned the truth about sex? i reaked out. then got curious

do you find extreme body builders’ bodies to be attractive? ewh no

does it bug you when people go ‘mhm’ all the time when you’re talking? kinda

are your parents religious? they were yeah. not super holy rollers but they believed in god yeah.

what is your favorite hostess/little debbie snack? swiss rolls, honey buns

do you find it rude when you offer someone something and they decline? Nah

do you think benedict cumberbatch is hot? who

favorite disney princess? none

does your sibling have a significant other? dont have a sibiling

do you have any american girl dolls in your house? fuck dolls

have you ever gotten in trouble at school for wearing revealing clothes? yup

are you borrowing books from anybody at the moment? Nope.

have your parents ever questioned your virginity? i told my mom after it happened, she cried but after that didn’t care, my dad never asked

roleplaying is super lame, agreed? It’s not my thing, but people can do what they want.

how’re you feeling right now? I’m done crying and i just feel empty, and kinda mad and just wanna get my money and go.

does/did either of your parents serve in the military? No

is there anybody you’re not ashamed to tell anything to? Yes.

are you prone to illness? used to be

are you on birth control? bout to change it but yeah

how bad are heartbreaks? unbearable sometimes

has a song ever given you an orgasm? uhm no.

have you ever made out in your room? last time? i dont have a room.

if the last person that you kissed said they wanted to marry you, what would you say? lolololol. we already are.

do you like your eyes? I do.

are you attracted to the last person that you fell in love with? Yah

do you have a big butt? Not anymore

would you be a good salesperson? helll no

do you like hot sauce? if yes, what do you usually put it on? nope .

can you do the ‘emo hair flip’? used to be able to

do you know anyone that has dimples? alex.

would you ever make out in front of your best friend? i think i have

anything physically wrong right now? nope.

ever had sex under water? No.

the last person you kissed on the lips said that you were the only one they wanted, would you believe them? no

you’re having twins. what’s your first reaction? freak the fuck out

did your first love love you back? why hell no

do you have scars on your wrists? mhm

do you like fedoras? Lmao, no.

have you ever wanted to get drunk and get your mind off everything? what ive been doing the last couple ights but hasnt helped

is there a band you like with amazing music but a bad vocalist? idts

is there a band/artist who has strange lyrics but you love them anyway? probably

does your optimism sometimes hurt you? yah

have you ever painted a piece of furniture? mhm

do you believe the fortunes in fortune cookies? Nah

what do you prefer more: waffles or pancakes? Waffles!

did you love playing hide and seek as a kid? Yes my fav

got plans after you finish this? sleep

did you ever dream that you had a baby? Yes.

have you ever been in a beauty pageant? Not pretty enough for that shit

did you sleep alone? I slept alone in my bed last night, but Mahima and Adrika were sleeping in the same room.

does your best friend approve of the last person you kissed? probably dont care

where is the last person you kissed at this moment? In his bed.

describe your dream girl/guy? fuck guys

been arrested? for what? I’ve never been arrested.

tell us the story of your first kiss? it kinda just happened in the middle of class,

do you sleep with stuffed animals? I have one stuffed animal that I keep in my bed with me.

how many stuffed animals do you think you have? used to have a lot but one now

favorite character from finding nemo? dory

how long does it typically take you to get over people? depends

are you stressed out? always

so tell me one interesting thing about yourself. im an emotional wreck

do you own a trenchcoat? Nope.

have you ever owned a tire swing? no

do you have a nervous twitch? Nope

are you currently listening to music? no

is it easy to get a job where you live? im in cc rn, and its not. but in indy it is. .

is your signature legible? it is, and pretty too .

was the last time you cried because you were angry? inbetween angry, sad, empty, not feeling good enough. .

is there an animal that scares you? snakes, spiders, anything big enough to hurt and eat me

are you any good at video games? helll yahh.

has a jehovah’s witness ever showed up on your doorstep? mhm

do you have a step parent? I dont even have parents anymore..

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