peter chauncey’s TRACK OF THE WEEK: “A Search for Home”—An ambient jazz instrumental, recalling quiet urban soundscapes and the contemplative sides of Miles Davis and Herbie Hancock.
Personnel:
peter chauncey—arranger, composer, & conductor
Johnny J. Blair—keyboards
Will Mandell—trumpet & mixing
#search #home #ambient #jazz #instrumental #urban #landscape #comtemplative #MilesDavis #HerbieHancock #peterchauncey #johnnyjblair #willmandell #keyboards #trumpet #recording #SanFrancisco #BayArea #InASilentWay
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Chapters: 1/1
Fandom: ヴァ二タスの手記 - 望月淳 | Vanitas no Carte | The Case Study of Vanitas - Mochizuki Jun (Manga), ヴァニタスの手記 | Vanitas no Carte | The Case Study of Vanitas (Anime)
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Relationships: Noé Archiviste & Vanitas, Noé Archiviste/Vanitas
Characters: Vanitas (Vanitas no Carte), Noé Archiviste
Additional Tags: VNC Month 2022, Noé and Vanitas Week, platonic or romantic, References to all of the crap from Vanitas's life, Contemplative, reflections, Don't copy to another site
Summary:
Most of Vanitas's life had been defined by revenge.
VNC Month: Noé and Vanitas Week Day 3: Revenge
@i-prefer-the-term-antihero @phmonth2022
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When Woosung said -
"I don't need your love anymore
Used to breathe you, see you in my dreams
Now I wake up, you don't cut as deep
You can try and cry and kick and scream
It just don't phase me at all"
this is what moving on from friendships and relationships you would have died for feels like. aaahhhhhhhh I feel so embarrassed about how I have begged the most pathetic humans to stay in my lifeee.... so freaking embarrassing wtf.
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Nah wait cause what if, okay WHAT IF—
Fdau Rai, m'kay, y'know how she's been reconstructing her relationship with james right and eventually got back together, so they started to get serious with their relationship. Some time later, Rai got pregnant which of course James was happy to hear. But what if, okay, wHAT IF the baby was actually born with red eyes 👀 boom. Naosuke would be officially announced to be a part of the fdau angst boat.
And I'm telling you this bitch named Lee James Jihoon would fucking LOSE his SHIT. But would he display that verbally? oh noooo no no no he would act calm and accepting when inside he'd prolly wanna tear a certain brunette to shreds mayhaps. Which is why he'd have three more spawnlings Jaemin, Jaehwan, and Sooha to redeem himself for the fact that his first born child isn't even his //slams the table//
Thinking of changing Nao's name here to Nam-Hyun or Noah but Rai-Han would still call him Nana just because lmao.
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I have an old story that’s mostly written (like 4,000 ish words) and I’m struggling on whether to keep it as a mostly canon rewrite or change it to Fiktor. The premise is that when Five left, he took Seven with him and the two of them come back on the day of Reginald’s funeral. If it’s just the canon rewrite then I get to keep lines such as these:
"Sort of," the smaller groaned, bringing a hand to his head..."Shit! Five, I told you that you had done something wrong. Look at me!"
Five turned so that he was looking at his companion..."Look at you? Viktor, Look at me! I'm fucking thirteen again!"
The older man, apparently named Viktor, shot him a look that could kill. "So we have the same levels of testosterone, that's great for the both of us," he snarked.
But if I change it then I get to do cute Fiktor things like have them be boderline unhealthily attached to each other and being very easy with PDA cause they don’t know social cues anymore. I don’t know what to do.
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contemplating numbness
Today I am dwelling,
I am lost in my thoughts
My thoughts are so many
I can’t sort them out
A feeling of sadness
Is plucked out from nowhere
As the thought trickles out
Now gone to thin air
And the feeling has no place
So I dismiss it, forgotten
Like the thought that had dropped it
To my heart, so unwanted
If I cannot solve it
Then the fleeting moment takes space
In the vast room of trinkets
I’ve collected in this safe place
I am floating inside
But I’m steady and focused
As I pinpoint a task
And lose emotion to drive
My thoughts are all neatly
Swept under the surface
I’m lost in endeavor
And work task commitment
At home I am light
I am laughing and playful
I am hiding my worries
I am escaping in stories
I am tired, I’m buzzing
My worries are endless
But endlessly trapped
In the depths of subconscious
I am so good at hiding
That even dreams cannot find me
I am untouchable so much
That I evade even myself
The threat of loss cannot find me
Devastation does not touch me
My feelings are a time capsule
That I can no longer unlock
My mind is a showcase
I’m rose tinted glasses
Everyone may walk through
And see I’m wonderfully me
My world is maintained
It passes state inspection
And the people peering in
Say that I’m so kind and brave
But somewhere under floorboards
Or maybe encased in walls
Somewhere probably — hopefully
Is a me that can be found
The me that cries when they are scared
Or anguishes when they’re sad
A me that shouts when they are threatened
Or loves so fiercely that it’s too loud
Somewhere I am meant to flicker
If only a draft of air could reach me
My fire is but dying embers
I’m smoke and ashes and lost decay
But I hold the match to light me up
Somewhere deep within the static
I am distraction — I am noise
And blurry wine nights on autopilot
Very far in the depths of my psyche
I am not gone. I am here.
But where is here and who am I?
I am waiting to be awakened
I am waiting on myself —
Though I’m drowning myself in work
And in every silly endeavor
That makes me smile & delight
I am still just watching from afar
Am I too comfortable with that?
It is not a gift that I can laugh
When I’m scared I’ll never shed a tear
The good has been hoarded beyond belief
Reality damaged, lost, and broken
My balanced self was lost in the years
And now I can endure everything
(i fear i’ll never break
i am already broken)
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