#dean was allowed to be angry at cas in s15 but even that had to end with dean begging and crying. on his knees. | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mittensmorgul · 3 years

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Since the finale aired, I’ve been yammering on about how it would’ve only worked as a finale to s2, and now that I’m actually rewatching s2, I stand by that even more staunchly. The finale doesn’t work in a post-s2 supernatural universe.

This is the version of Dean we saw in the finale-- the one whose only mission in life was to Save Sammy, to help him get his revenge and allow him to go out and live a Normal Safe Life pretending that hunting and monsters don’t exist. The one who just wanted some pie, to drive his car, and had no real connections beyond Sam in the world outside of Bobby. Even Dean’s characterization in the finale is this far younger Dean who’d never allowed himself to crack open and truly understand love. It would take me years to plow through everything I’ve ever written about him as a character and his long struggle to emotional maturity we saw evolve over the next 13 years beyond this episode, but the tl;dr will always be “this s2 Dean is the same as the Dean in the finale.”

The goal of s2 was saving SAM from his “destiny,” too. In this era of the show, Dean didn’t have a “destiny” the same way Sam did. The ONLY thing that mattered was freeing Sam from “becoming evil,” and being manipulated into terrible things. What Dean wanted, what he was “destined” for by the narrative was irrelevant, because all of his choices and emotional burdens were tied only to saving Sam. To freeing Sam so he could safely return to his “normal life.” Go back to college, have a family and the white picket fence life.

This was before Dean truly began fighting for HIMSELF. Which only really and truly began after he sells his soul to resurrect Sam. That’s when Dean truly begins fighting for himself. Sure, he’s angry with John during s2 for trading his own life for Dean’s, for putting the burden of “if you can’t save Sam, you’ll have to kill him” on his shoulders with his dying breath, but Dean is still fighting against John’s authority and the complicated tangle of feelings of his own childhood and not actually coming to terms with his own wants and needs and wishes out beyond that yet. He’s still unwittingly confronting the “destiny” John had set up for him, and hasn’t moved beyond that yet. It’s only trading his soul for Sam’s that finally brings Dean into the cosmic narrative that will fuel his introspection and personal growth for the rest of the series.

And out beyond that point, his entire character arc explodes into orbit.

Dean’s entire character arc in s3 is confronting this very basic fact: he doesn’t deserve to have been sacrificed just to save Sam. He doesn’t deserve that burden, and he does deserve to live. This is the realization he comes to before eventually being dragged to Hell and then rescued by an angel, who literally tells him, “you don’t think you deserve to be saved” in the aftermath of that. From that point on, we have TWELVE SEASONS of Dean struggling with what he “deserves” versus what is “fate” and “destiny” and eventually confronting what he WANTS if he truly could choose his own destiny.

Plus, out beyond that point, he has Cas. And nothing changes Dean, pushes him to grow and understand himself, and accept himself-- all of himself, from the good to the horrific-- than the pure and unflinching acceptance of Castiel. Cas never looked at him and said “you are evil,” or “you are worthless.” (well, they’ve both said some pretty awful stuff to each other over the years, but there was either brainwashing or other deeper issues pushing those things on them, and they have ALWAYS eventually come back to one another, and the awful stuff was dealt with). Point is, Dean and Cas both began running these parallel arcs of duty versus desire, and for Dean, the duty was always framed around “taking care of Sam” versus pursuing any sort of ambition or goals for himself. They would fight for this for most of the rest of the series, until eventually the goal for ALL of them would be about discovering what they would want for themselves.

The show explicitly dealt with this, repeatedly, over later seasons, asking all of the characters the big questions: is this what you would choose for yourself? What WOULD you choose for yourself if you could?

And then they made the narrative of the final season, of the final Big Bad, the fact that they had NEVER had real freedom, and that their entire lives (and the entire history of not only this universe but every parallel universe) had been Chuck’s Puppet Theater, and true free will had been a lie all this time. Pushing all of the characters to confront their own choices and understand what about who they were as people was separate from what Chuck pushed them into choosing and doing all these years. The main thing that Dean (and also Cas, and to the extent she was included in the narrative this was Eileen’s issue as well) were being pushed to come to terms with what really was real, and were their feelings and choices their own or imposed on them for the furtherance of Chuck’s story.

At the end of the road, finally free and out from under Chuck’s control, they knew what was real. For Sam and Eileen, they had chosen each other. Cas had chosen Dean, but Dean hadn’t yet had a chance to reply, but anyone with two eyes and a brain knows what he would’ve said in return. It’s what Cas stopped him from saying even back in Purgatory in 15.09. And yet, for some reason Sam and Dean forgot all of that, as if none of it had ever even really happened at all, and we went right back to who they were right after they finally defeated the YED, before we even knew Azazel had a name, let alone the fact that the ultimate boogeyman of their entire lives to that point had been nothing more than a fanatic pawn in a much larger destiny for both of them.

The end of s2 was the last time Dean sacrificing himself so Sam could have a normal life, where Dean really felt there was nothing more for himself than fulfilling his father’s orders to save Sammy, even feels remotely plausible. It’s the last time we can feel like Dean might find peace and contentment in a Heaven where John is nearby to be proud of him, and where Dean would actually feel like that validation was even relevant to his own life.

And that finally brings me back to s2, where that was actually addressed through John’s self-sacrifice to save Dean, to serve Dean up to the narrative and provide a stage for this self-transformative journey INTO being a version of John himself. Only... Dean DOESN’T choose that. He fights to save Sam at all costs, even when it seems clear that the right answer would probably be to KILL Sam instead. When not only the ghost of John Winchester plaguing Dean’s mind would make him doubt his own drive to save his brother, but the John Winchester Insert Character of s2-- Gordon Walker-- basically put Dean’s own doubts out there in plain words in 2.10:

GORDON: I'm surprised at you, Dean. Getting all emotional. I'd heard you were more of a professional than this. Look, let's say you were cruising around in that car of yours and, uh, you had little Hitler riding shotgun, right? Back when he was just some goofy, crappy artist. But you knew what he was going to turn into someday. You'd take him out, no questions, am I right?

DEAN: That's not Sam.

GORDON: Yes it is. You just can't see it yet. Dean, it's his destiny. Look, I'm sympathetic. He's your brother, you love the guy. This has got to hurt like hell for you. But here's the thing. It would wreck him. But your dad? If it really came right down to it, he would have had the stones to do the right thing here. But you're telling me you're not the man he is?

This, the episode where Dean finally confesses John’s final orders to Sam, where Dean has decided that saving Sam is all that matters, even when circumstance and everyone else is practically screaming at him that this could all be over if only he gave in-- be it his own self-sacrifice OR killing Sam. Six of one, half a dozen of the other, the universe doesn’t care (and neither does Chuck... especially at this point... and the proof of that is Sam’s s15 nightmares where one of Chuck’s alternate universe endings for Sam and Dean was Sam actually going Darkside on demon blood and killing Dean... any iteration of the old drama, Chuck has explored all potential endings-- oh, except the ending where TFW gets to just be happy and live... that’s the one ending they never get and the only one they deserved in the end).

also from 2.10... loads of chat about “destiny” and one of Dean’s first “we should just lay all this shit down and take a vacation” moments when he suggests they go to Amsterdam and enjoy some of the not-coffee-coffee-shops, which Sam counters by doubling down on the fact that Dean has a destiny in all this as much as Sam does:

SAM: Well, come on, dude, you're a hunter. I mean, it's what you were meant to do.

DEAN: Ah, I wasn't meant to do anything, I don't believe in that destiny crap.

SAM: You mean you don't believe in my destiny.

DEAN: Yeah, whatever.

SAM: Look, Dean, I've tried running before. I mean, I ran all the way to California and look what happened. You can't run from this. And you can't protect me.

DEAN: I can try.

And that’s it, right there. This is the “neither of you can try for a normal life outside of the other while the other is still alive.” This is Sam pinning a destiny to Dean that’s just as inescapable within Chuck’s narrative as Sam’s demon blood and psychic powers.

This is the core essence of Chuck’s story about them. The sibling dynamic that Chuck failed to free himself from, and that Sam and Dean failed to free themselves from after Chuck’s demise in 15.19.

Destiny. One must die so the other can live.

And considering the next 13 seasons of the show and the long and emotionally grueling character arcs Sam and Dean proceed through where they truly confront the core of who they are as people-- as individuals outside of their duty and destiny-- the finale ceases to make any sense outside of Chuck’s narrative for them. If 15.20 really happened exactly as we saw it on screen, then Chuck still won.

And they had to loop Sam and Dean all the way back to where they were emotionally at the end of s2 in order to make it seem plausible. Which, for those of us who actually care about what they endured after s2, makes the finale entirely implausible as a whole.

#spn 2.10 #spn 15.20 #spiders georg of the tnt loop #while i was writing this up i also watched 2.11 and yep... still holds up #the ghost of john winchester #chuck's process

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roublardise · 3 years

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it is s15 and i'm still not over the lost of bela talbot

everytime they need someone with knowledge of what occult objects exists or where that is they bring a new character and/or bring up anael from s5 (whereas i thought she only got to earth after the fall?? help)

like spn expert of bringing characters back YET they forget the great thief bela talbot expert of occult objects herself who's very likely a demon by now and easy to meet up with

dean meeting bela as a tortured soul in hell after both of their deals. they cross path eventually after dean gots out & bela's a demon. what a shame you didn't stay long enough to get the black eyes, it'd make your face more bearable to watch (she says in this straight-flirt way, saying-not-saying it'd look good on him. but also thinking it'd be easier to stare at dean if she could see black smoke, a destroyed soul, and monstruous traits. so she could still feel like they're the same. so she could stop feeling so envious. so she could stop being reminded it's too late for her)

she hears about demon!dean and comes to see him, and they cheers over finally getting free from childhood trauma wouldn't you kill your dad if you could? come back in the past. get rid of him. free of legal consequences (she asks, and dean doesn't know. he thinks of all the times he wished for his dad to let him breathe, to not be there, to not be him, to be a dad. he thinks of all the times he caught himself thinking he could've been himself if it weren't for the constant fear of his old man and the mind games. he doesn't know but he gets it)

damn you were so right to get what you want when you were a human i wish that were me (dean says half-joking, and bela laughs and damn right she was. but she won't say she still has regrets to have never allowed herself to be human - to feel, to care, to love. instead of taking the power she knew she needed to protect herself, at whatever costs - even her abusers dead, she was still acting out of fear. she used her ten years to learn to be a demon before she even put a foot into hell. and in that way, she thinks dean's the one who got it right)

then the winchesters need stuff & dean goes "hey wait i could just ask bela" and sam's like "the bela? who stole your car?" "yeh we're okay now. kinda. ok we had angry demon sex. shut up sammy" (it's not even what made them closer - it was the talks. dean wishes he could remember what it was to allow himself to want, and he can't help but envy bela who's always embraced herself truly. she's fucked up, and she's not trying to convince herself she isn't because it doesn't change anything to her - she still deserves what she wants and she takes it)

when they met dean hushes "what happened when i was a demon stays in the past" bela rolls her eyes "sure thing, i see you're back repressing your desires. sucks to be you. what do you want?" (the words stings for both of them - bela still craves humanity, more than she ever did. she never saw the point when she was alive and all she knew was betrayal & power games & a pain she thought she deserved - dean still craves the freedom he felt for some fleeting moments, it does suck to be him.)

then he keeps summoning her when he needs help and she asks for stuff in return bc obvsly she's a crossroad demon

and they hate/love each others and she purposely heavily flirts with dean in front of cas and says stuff such as "i see dean's got a type. we've been knew after the king of hell fling but like.. really digs the whole angel/demon thing uh. must be the bisex-" "ahah ok that's enough bela stfu now"

#bela talbot #MY BELOVED <3 #spn #supernatural #bela x dean #dean x bela #dean winchester #i went off ig today i'm going insane over bela talbot #spn takes

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regardingjenmish · 2 years

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Hi, I hope you and your mom are doing good. I don't know what you currently really are going through, but I understand your frustration with COVID and the regulations or lack of them. I am in a whole new city with a dog and i really don't know what I would even do if I was in quarantine or had to isolate strictly. I am that anon that just startet season 15 and i also need to vent a little. I am now watching EP 3. (1/2)

Why does dean always seem to let his anger on God and the world (quite literally) out on cas? I know it's because they are boyfriends and i must admit I also at one point kicked a tun of cream cheese in the direction of my ex (i did not hit him obviously, just frustrated) when I was angry at everything else. It's still super frustrating because you just want or need them to hold hands and walk into the sunset. Love

Oh I think I forgot to add the (2/2) to the last ask ooops

Hey anon, we’re good. I somehow managed to dodge covid the entire week (hope I manage to dodge it further). But yeah, my country basically overnight dropped 80% of the protocols (and unfortunately my job falls into that so we also dropped protocols and I’m obviously not liking this but screw it).

Anyway, welcome back! And sorry for the late reply. Hoe are you liking S15 so far? And to answer your question, I don’t know. I actually genuinely believe that Dean’s anger is almost always a secondary reaction to a different stronger emotion he is feeling. And most of the time that emotion is fear. But he doesn’t want to show that to anyone because he’s always needed to be tough and has never been allowed to show his true feelings about anything. I think sometimes Cas was the easy one to let it out on because Sam would call him out on his bullshit but Cas (at least imo) knows that Dean isn’t always pissed off.. I think he’s one of the only ones that actually fully gets his feelings. That being said, i get it because i was also frustrated watching it. But don’t worry, they will make up! They are just currently going through a divorce.

#anonymous #youre braver than the us marines for watching s15 for the first time

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amwritingmeta · 4 years

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S15: Dean and Cas

Pardon my lateness. Life is mental at the moment! I haven’t watched 15x17 yet but hope to do so today or tomorrow. Gods preserve me, for then there will be only three more episodes left. *is this real life??*

Okay, leaving that, let’s talk about Dean and Cas, shall we? Yes, we shall!

Dean and Cas’ relationship, or rather, how they relate themselves to each other, has been in focus this season, because it’s been pivotal to both of their arcs in canonically straightforward ways. Ways so straightforward that we haven’t really seen the likes of them since S11, and with the very heavy-duty callbacks to S11 these last two episodes, it all seems quite fitting.

I mean, Jack is a bomb like Dean was a bomb and Dean got to ask Amara why she would bring Mary back, and she got to clarify she meant it as a gift, a thank you at the end of S11, because Dean didn’t blow himself to kingdom come and her along with him, because instead he realised how he could broker peace and allow for light and dark to find balance.

Which is what Dean needs to find right now.

He needs to balance out the light and dark, the masculine and the feminine, the conscious and unconscious, the ego and the shadow. He needs to balance himself out in order to let go of his fury. Why does he need that? Why would the narrative continuously hit on him needing to let go of his anger? Because that’s the reason why he was put on this journey to begin with, this slow and steady coming-of-age-coming-into-his-own progression of finding forgiveness and feeling worthy and having faith that he deserves good things.

How do we know this?

Well, arguably this season through what happens to Dean whenever he gives his fury free range, whenever he allows it to hollow out his faith, his trust, making him one-track minded, suspicious and controlling: he loses something.

He loses Cas.

This season has been all about highlighting what happens when Dean is unable to be even the slightest bit self-aware, when he veers off the path of self-acceptance. This season, Dean has had Cas disappear out of his life twice: first when Cas walked out of the bunker and second in Purgatory, when Cas went with the Leviathan. (to get them away from Dean)

The first time Dean almost lost Cas was really all about highlighting Cas’ independence (thank fuck for that), letting us see how far they’ve come in their relationship, because Dean didn’t dig himself a grave this time, perhaps having faith, in spite of it all, that Cas would come back to him, and Cas went off on his own, feeling like there was nothing left for him at the bunker when there was no forgiveness to be had from Dean.

Except, Cas thought better of it. He realised it wasn’t just on Dean to push for change—it was on him as well. And, knowing Dean, Cas had the epiphany that he would have to lead the way.

Dean, of course, not being able to forgive and forget all that easily, needed a final push, which is why the second time he almost lost Cas was all about Dean. He had to confront his anger. He had to, because naming it and admitting it as the root cause of so many of his actions (and reactions) is a cornerstone for him to begin letting that anger go.

Almost losing Cas brought him to a moment of clarity, brought him to take a knee and admit to being wrong and offering the forgiveness he’d been holding back, because being angry is easier, especially when, it could be argued, you were beginning to feel that trust in good things lasting.

Yeah, speaking of good things lasting, it brings us to this question: Why is Dean so angry?

He doesn’t know why (or so he claims) and he probably does need to have his eyes opened for him, the way Amara tried to open them, the way his conversation with her was a highlighter for the point he’s being pushed to finally reach in his progression: forgiving the past, embracing the present, trusting in the future and in the fact that he deserves to live a long and happy rest of his life.

The fact that she’s completely dressed in pink - hello positive femininity representative who kicks ass and who once almost killed God and then was balanced out so that she instead healed him with her light and they twisted into dark and light smoke and went off together - is just delicious icing on the cake.

Yeah, and that’s the issue, Dean, alright, buddy?

Dean is angry because his mother died and her death meant that he lost his father too, it meant that he didn’t get to have a childhood, it meant that he stopped believing that he could have good things that would last, because of a confused sense of identity and a crippled sense of self-worth—why did bad things happen to him if he didn’t deserve it somehow?— and pushed him to mold himself into what would make him feel strong and brave: the image that his father projected.

The soldier.

The weapon and the shield.

And now it seems Protect Sammy has morphed into Sacrifice Jack, all because Dean’s fury at Chuck’s manipulation isn’t containable, and there’s no way Dean’s going to let Chuck live. Even if it means Jack dies in the process. As Dean said to Sam in 15x16: at least it’s not them this time.

All the while we just sit here and witness Dean morphing into the revenge thirsty spitting image of his father one last time, for one final, big ole push towards the line he’ll have to cross if he’s to finally understand once and for all where it’s actually drawn.

At Cas’ feet.

Remember back in S12, before Cas died, there was that subtle (erm) motif of pointy things going through people’s hearts from behind? Yeah. It happened twice, if I remember correctly, before the pointy end of an angel blade went through Cas’ heart and he died an angel death in the season finale.

Yeah. That.

So.

So now, in S15, we have Cas caught in a motif again, only this time Dean is right there with him, because it involves both of them.

We’ve had anger and loss, and then honesty and forgiveness.

We’re back to anger, we’re back to Dean seeing red, blinded by it, and the only thing—we’ve been shown—that can unblind him is…?

That’s right: losing Cas.

So he will lose Cas again. We’ve been on the precepice of this as fact for a good long while now, haven’t we, my merry macarons? We have indeed! The question becomes how will Dean lose Cas again? Is Cas actually going to die? Again??

I still sincerely doubt it.

I think Cas will find another way, and that other way will equal a sacrifice on his part. His life? I mean, it could be, but what about the Empty? What about allowing himself to be happy? It could add up somehow, I guess I just can’t see it. So I think the sacrifice will somehow involve Heaven, because we know Michael will be back, and I hope it will involve Hell and all of the forces God has brought into being working against him—together.

S p e c.

Now, I’m a sadist. No, not like that -> I’m a sadist when it comes to characters. Not that there’s anything wrong with being a sadist. (Misha Collins is one, as we all know) (I joke!) (down Bessie!) What I’m getting at is that I want Cas having no other recourse but to do whatever it is he’ll have to do to save Jack to, quite literally, break Dean.

We know they’re all teary eyed in 15x18 (feels like it’s Billie whom Dean is glaring at) and we’ve seen Dean crying against a wall and omfg I want it to be explicit and over Cas. Yeah?

We ain’t getting them driving off in the Impala together (which is fine btw because the final episode should focus on the brothers more than anything else) (I mean, a hint that they will be driving around in that Impala post season finale while Sam goes to be with Eileen would be fab, but we can only hope and wish, yeah?) (horses held), so let’s get Dean broken over thinking he’ll never see Cas again.

Let it be done with a big fat black marker in enormous circles around his emotional state. Let him TELL Cas to stay this time, like he should’ve done when Cas walked out the door in 15x03, only for Cas to be unable to comply, because this is all to teach Dean a lesson that this is where his anger gets him, and what he needs to do to save Cas is let that anger go, stop thinking Jack is expendable, and find a better way.

I mean, this is speculation, guys. This is hoping and wishing all over this narrative. But glory effing be if it’s anywhere in the ballpark.

It would be mind-blowing if there was a God intervention of some sort, a talking down off the ledge, as it were, as per end of S11, but I’m not going to hold my breath for *rainbows*…

I’ll hold it for balance, though. :)

Cas has waited for Dean for a long time. Dean being dismissive of Cas in 15x15 can, once again— because whenever he acts like a dick it comes back to bite him on the ass (there’s a visual for you)— be looked at as part of the tapestry that makes Cas feel there’s nothing more for him but being a father to Jack.

Dean did nothing but instill this feeling in Cas after Cas came back from the black hole that is the Empty in S13, Dean being all “You were brought back because we needed you”—Dean saying zero things about how he was basically ripping apart at the seams from the grief of losing Cas just hours before Cas made that phone call.

And of course not. Why would Dean admit that? Even to himself, once Cas was back.

He wouldn’t!

Ignoring how he really feels about stuff and taking Cas for granted is kinda what he does, so back to normal it all went. So normal and so leveled out that something had to happen, right? Because, in Dean’s mind, good things don’t last.

And then Mary happened.

Oh, my heart!

And Dean went off and cried, by himself, because he still couldn’t show emotion that openly, even to the people closest to him. But he went down on his knees and he cried in Cas’ ear during that prayer, and that really was something.

That said, Mary’s death was Dean proven right once again, and this person, who is the source of faith and hope and that budding belief that maybe, this time, everything was going to actually get better and stay that way, became the target of Dean’s anger over the injustice of it all. Because Cas was the root of it. He’s always been the root of Dean’s slow-to-grow hope that could bloom into belief and trust, if he just dared let it, that he deserves to be happy.

I wrote in an ask reply that I doubt we’ll get human!Cas, but then I remembered that Cas is still status quo-ing it. It’s why he almost left the bunker without telling anyone again, that choice of skedaddling without checking in getting interrupted by Dean, and Cas being brought into a situation where he had to divulge the information, not only that he was leaving and might not make it back (Dean’s face though!), but that Jack is going through a trial that will ultimately destroy him, which was a nice shift in this dynamic of theirs.

Now, look it, the writers may end Cas’ journey on him status quo-ing it... but for the Empty.

And I would shrug at the Empty and think, well, maybe that won’t come into play... but for the fact that the deal was brought up just a few episodes back.

So. Happiness.

Somehow something will need to push Cas toward a moment of happiness. And letting himself be happy is such a climactic moment for his entire journey—and look at how it perfectly mirrors what Dean is being pushed toward—that I find it difficult to see how that moment would bring an eternity in the Empty.

But I’ve written a lot of words on why I just can’t make sense of why they would choose to kill him or have his moment of happiness be tied to a narrative punishment so I’m not getting into all that again, but because both Dean and Cas are being pushed toward happiness, I’m curious to see which route the writers have chosen to take with it.

It would be thrilling and satisfying in equal measure if we finally get Dean crying over Cas, and only Cas. No filter of Bobby or Mary to take away focus and allow for an argument that he’s not actually grieving Cas.

It would be thrilling and satisfying for it to be very baseline Just Cas. As it has been just Cas this entire season. Cas at the center of Dean’s anger. Cas at the center of Dean’s push toward healing. Cas having had enough, drawing a line—the one that is still there, at his feet—and doing what he’s always done best: calling Dean out on his bullshit behaviour. Cas making Dean put words to his anger, express forgiveness and say that he’s sorry and all within the same moment to boot.

What all this will amount to, we’ll have to wait and see.

In a few weeks. Or next week. Or maybe there will be strong indicators where the pendulum is actually swinging in 15x17!

Holy. Hell.

But I can’t see it ending somewhere tragic. If it does, it does. And it will be what it will be. And I’ll mourn a little, and accept it and move on. But I do believe it will end somewhere hopeful. Somewhere that leaves things quite tied up, but also open to interpretation, so that we can pick and choose who ends up where and how these men decide to continue on their journeys, now that this enormous leg of their progression is done, and they’ve learned to put the past to rest.

And if S11 is anything to go by, then the echoes of that ending would be a powerful way to tie everything up, as S11 was meant to be the end of the road, until Andrew Dabb picked up the reins with an idea of how to continue the show for a few more seasons. Or so I’ve heard.

11x23 also gave us the most gloriously frustrating exchange ever written for two characters in a car. Omg. Dean we-ing the absolute hell out of his speech when it was him, he was the one, the entire time Cas was possessed by Lucifer, who insisted they make sure Cas came back unscathed. “You’re the best friend we ever had” my ass, Dean!

I wanted to talk about Dean and Sam as well, but there’s too little time at the moment for me to write more. And it’s painful, but I have to concede or hit a wall and hitting walls fucken hurts.

I will mention that Sam telling Dean off at the end of 15x16 still gives me goosebumps just thinking about it.

Finally, Sam. Finally.

As ever, sprinklings of salt all over this meta and speculation, my dearlings, but omfg it’s beautiful.

Right then. I’m off to watch 15x17! Wish me luck! *gah!*

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katsidhe · 3 years

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@choppedcoploverfarm

Hey! I don't know where to send this so I'm posting it here-thoughts on Sam and Michael's relationship throughout the seasons (Season 5, Season 13-14 with Alternate Michael, Season 15) and how their connection with Lucifer contributed to their own relationship?

The key thing about Sam and Michael is that their connection with Lucifer is actually the only context in which they have any sort of relationship whatsoever.

AU!Michael doesn’t have nearly the same regard or distaste for Sam that our Michael does, seeing as Sam never existed in his world, nor did Sam ever say yes to or betray his brother. I’d go so far as to say their personal relationship is nonexistent. So I’ll focus instead on OG Michael.

Michael himself is a shadow character in most of SPN: influencing while remaining mostly offscreen. His agents act on his behalf, but we don’t meet him onscreen until 5.13, while Sam is dead, and he reveals that he considers himself an actor of fate, and then in 5.22. In s5, Michael’s obedience is supposed to evoke Dean’s fratricidal instinct, but it lacks the sculpted precision of s9-10′s attempts at the same. Michael doesn’t have the “save him” complication with Lucifer that Dean has with Sam--whether it’s “kill him OR save him,” or “kill him TO save him.” Michael’s mission is simply to kill Lucifer, full stop, because his father ordered it.

This makes Michael and Lucifer’s relationship substantially different than Dean and Sam’s. And it makes everything to do with Lucifer fundamentally untouchable for Michael, and that definitely includes Sam. Sam saying yes to Lucifer is both something Michael knew needed to happen, and something I think he regards with a disgust comparable to how he thinks of his brother’s other creatures and servants, such as Lilith. Sam’s role in this little melodrama, just like Lilith’s, was written in the stars. But, of course, no one should accept or consent to his brother’s designs. Lilith and Sam are both fated abominations.

Accepting Lucifer damns Sam by nature, but betraying Lucifer damns Sam by disobedience, in a lovely and convoluted bit of victim-blaming. Michael expects everyone involved in the Apocalypse--Lucifer and Sam included--to play their parts. He’s not angry with Lucifer in 5.22, simply determined to carry the plan through. This is why I don’t think that Lucifer and Michael ever physically fought in the Cage. Argued, absolutely. But they don’t have that lethal intent in the absence of a driving force.

Whatever brief interactions they had in the Cage--and I have endless fun imagining what that might have looked like, because there are SO MANY possibilities--were inevitably overshadowed by Lucifer’s presence. Sam has every motivation to try and win Michael over, for obvious Lucifer-related reasons. Michael is the only person who could improve Sam’s extremely unpleasant eternity, if he so desired. But Sam damned Michael. Not only that, he did so specifically by tarring Michael and Lucifer with the same brush: casting them both into Lucifer’s Cage, somewhere Michael was never meant to be, with his brother with whom he was never meant to coexist.

Michael has no sympathy for Sam. Not only did Sam defy the will of Heaven, but Sam signed on the dotted line with open eyes. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes; consort with Lucifer, pay for what you bought. Michael feels no small degree of scorn if Sam ever complains to him about how Lucifer treats him: what on earth was Sam expecting?

And yet, Sam also proved conclusively to Michael that his father’s plans are not absolute, that they can be defied. I think this breeds a particular resentment in Michael coupled with an utterly unwilling and maybe even subconscious respect: the evidence that Sam was a better brother to Dean than Lucifer was to him, that Sam committed an awful sin, and consigned himself and Michael here, all to protect Dean. And then Sam is rescued, relatively quickly, which is utterly unjust; then Lucifer, and Michael is left to rot.

This sets the stage for s15. In 15.08, there is a cold and deliberate distance between Sam and Michael. But it doesn’t strike me as fear. Michael says that Sam is looking well compared to how he saw Sam last, which Sam brushes past with all possible haste, but it isn’t a taunt.

The wild card here is Adam. Adam is not like Sam: first of all, he was obedient to God’s plan, and second of all, he said yes to good!Michael, not evil!Lucifer. It’s FASCINATING to me that Michael allowed himself to develop not only respect but genuine fondness for Adam, to the point where his first bone to pick with Sam and Dean is that they abandoned their brother. I really, really wonder what Adam had to say to Michael about Sam in the Cage.

With Lucifer dead, and with the evidence from Sam’s defiance in s5 that his father’s designs are not set in stone, Michael is well-primed for Cas’s testimony. Cas tells him, in effect, something he’s already known for a long time, something Adam had already been telling him.

Which brings us to Sam and Michael in 15.19. Sam, first of all, acts very quickly to get Michael to kill Lucifer as fast as possible--he trusts Michael to want Lucifer dead once they’re both on earth. And second, he correctly identifies that Michael’s planning to betray them to Chuck, because Michael felt threatened by Lucifer’s resurrection. On Michael’s end, I think there’s resentment that Sam and Dean were spared when Adam was not. And, of course, there’s that ironic echo of the Cage, of the four of them plus Jack being the only people left in an empty universe: the knowledge that this was Sam’s (and Dean’s) fault.

Basically, Sam and Michael have LOTS to talk about in 15.19, and it is a crime that they don’t have a scene together one-on-one, and maybe one with Lucifer there too. someday I will finish writing this fic.

#sam and michael #sam and lucifer #lucifer and michael #michael and adam #sam and the cage #choppedcoploverfarm #5.22 #15.13 #15.08 #15.19

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dotthings · 4 years

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Now that there’s a good bit of S15 already aired to ponder, I’m going to revisit some more Dabb quotes about S15. This is from Variety, October 7, 2019.

Concerning Sam, Dean, Cas, and Jack as a unit: “ultimately this is a found family, and they have deep emotional bonds”

This point is pretty straightforward. The current showrunner regards the four of them as a family, and that’s been reflected in the story. While SPN has never been only Sam and Dean, in this era of SPN, the family they assembled has become more important than ever.

On the overall emotional approach of modern SPN:

“This is not just true of this season, this has been true for awhile, but we can devote a lot more time to the emotions of the guys. In the beginning of the show they were always on the road, but since they’ve been able to be settled, we’ve been able to see their lives beyond just the next monster.”

This quote is so interesting to me, and matches a lot of what I’ve been saying for a while on various platforms about how the characters and story evolved. The importance of the bunker, the importance of their expanded family becoming more and more a constant. I’m not watching SPN for the plot ultimately, I’m watching for the characters and their emotional life, with monsters, demons, angels, and mytharc to keep things lively. This is a big reason why I love genre. The monsters and mytharc are fun, but it’s the monsters and adventure and wild plots as a wonderful springboard to explore and reveal characters. Late run SPN is embodying this balance really well. I could also list off a number of shows I love that operate under this principle. So much of genre TV operates under this principle.

About how TV has changed and SPN has changed:

“I think you really get an evolution of TV as a medium. When this show started it was a very different show than where it will end, and the same thing about television generally. And I think what’s allowed the show to stay on as long as it has is that it’s been able to adapt.”

Gosh it’s like a show that’s been on for more of a decade will evolve or something! What a half-baked notion, who gave this guy the keys and put him in charge? LOL. I’m sorry I have to laugh at the rage in fandom over the mere fact that SPN didn’t stay frozen in amber carbon dated S2 and why anyone is surprised by that. It’s not just SPN itself changing, it is TV industry changing around it and SPN had to keep pace. SPN would not have survived to S15 without being adaptable. Now you can say it all sucks so you think it should have ended when Kripke left, but you can’t brag about SPN’s longevity and then dump all over the things that helped get it there, knee jerk rejecting necessary change on a hard core level. As if change itself is the reason you’ve got criticisms. It’s not. Execution of the story would be a reason to criticize, but not change in and of itself. We can all differ on the effectiveness of that execution, but there’s plenty of fans who are loving Dabb era just fine, just as there are fans who exist who despise it.

On “fan service”

“I hope we’re speaking to the majority of our fans. There’s definitely episodes where we do address things that come out of the fandom and out of social media, but in terms of how the story ends, in terms of bringing back certain characters, it was [about] what makes sense for the guys on their journey and in this story at this point. To some extent, all television now is fan service, but it’s not about direct fan service in that way; it’s more about what is going to get us to the emotional conclusion that we want for these guys.”

Notice the “I hope.” There’s no assumption here that absolutely everyone will love what they do, there never has been, from anyone at SPN in fact. They try to tell the best possible story they can that will appeal to the most fans. “All television is now fan service” is a very interesting statement, and Dabb doesn’t elaborate, but I want to try and unpack what he could mean.

In this era of social media and so many different possible delivery platforms, the scrutiny all shows fall under, the heavy interaction between creators and fans, and TV being by its nature, in its creation, a collaborative medium to begin with, it’s unrealistic to think any show could survive and operate in a bubble that completely ignores fan responses or disregards industry changes happening around it. That doesn’t mean spn or any show has to alter things at the mere whiff of every negative or positive fan response. Social media can also be a bit of a funhouse mirror of fan response, or provide a far too selective idea of fan response. For every SPN fan shouting that it’s wrong for SPN to listen to fan responses, there’s a fan response saying the same thing to shut down the opposing lane. Who do they listen to? What does it even mean to protect the sanctity of the story in this era of TV?

SPN fandom currently has multiple lanes claiming to be the arbiters of what “everyone” wants, and the reality of the fandom is very different, it actually looks like chaos. And that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Remember that for a long long time SPN fandom wank focused around brosonlies who kept saying caring only for Sam and Dean was the 99% and anyone who had any concerns for Sam or Dean’s autonomy in the story, who loved Cas, female characters, found family, and who cared about diversity on SPN was the 1%. It’s been obvious for a while now that TPTB are much more astute about the actual make-up of the fanbase than that false narrative. Over time the wanking got less locked into a few clear-cut lane divisions and now it’s a mess of internal lane conflicts and 3-5 lanes in opposition at any given moment, lanes within lanes, subsets within subsets. I don’t think that’s because SPN sucks. I think it’s because a) we’re approaching the end so people’s emotions are really really jacked up and heightened and b) a natural evolution of what would happen when a show like this goes on as long as this one has.

It’s funny how at the time this interview came out, fandom narrative ran with that quote as Dabb saying SPN is all fanservice when he’s saying the opposite to that. “It’s not about direct fan service” “it’s about what is going to get us tot he emotional conclusion that we want.” They aren’t bringing back familiar characters merely because fandom loves them, although he’s not denying that as a benefit to it, they’re back because they serve a story purpose. They don’t do anything just to service fandom. “Fan service” as a term is mis-used in SPN fandom so often it’s lost all meaning. “Fan service” in SPN fandom means anything the angry fan doesn’t like, no matter how much build-up it’s been given, no matter how logical it is for the character to return, no matter how tied into the major core themes of the show for umpteen years already certain reltionships are, they will be yelled down as “fan service” just because there’s a bunch of fans who love it, while fans who don’t are mad about it, therefore “fan service.”

PR is a lot of smoke and mirrors a lot of the time, but the reason this is relevant is so many Dabb’s quotes are reflected in the actual execution and tone and focus of canon.

SPN revolves around Sam and Dean and Cas and found family, and has for a very long time. Sam and Dean are the most central figures, but Cas is part of the central hub of that pov, and the show isn’t just about Sam and Dean, or just about Sam, Dean, Cas, it’s them...and their familiy. SPN has always been about family. That’s...the show.

#spn #supernatural #spn meta #andrew dabb

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raesreadingcorner · 3 years

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Carry On (SPN 15x20 Fix-it Fanfiction)

Word count: 4.3k Warnings: None, maybe spelling editing mistakes (Only fluff and happiness is allowed at this point in time)

Author’s note: So I haven’t written fanfiction in ages, I blame it on my CW degree and not wanting to spend even more time writing but after that absolute f*cktard disaster of a finale, I knew I had to do something about it. I hope you enjoy my version of how I wished the show would have ended (this is no hate to the acotrs who did a spectacular job and being served what they were given but a huge f u the the SPN writers for queerbaiting us for so long and in the end not giving the fans a satisfying ending (Like there were so many plotholes, what happened to the empty, are Jodie and the girls okay? If Bobby said Cas helped Jack fix heaven does that mean Cas is alive but hasn’t come to see Dean (That would be bullshit and we all know it).

Let me know your thoughts on the ending or S15 in general, what were some of your favourite moments (*cough* Cas’ confession and only that, also Jack becoming God *cough*) Peace out, Bitches!

Rae

The‌ ‌days‌ ‌began‌ ‌to‌ ‌blend‌ ‌into‌ ‌one‌ ‌without‌ ‌Chuck‌ ‌there‌ ‌to‌ ‌control‌ ‌them.‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌had‌ ‌saved‌ ‌them,‌ ‌all‌ ‌the‌ ‌people‌ ‌that‌ ‌had‌ ‌vanished.‌ ‌Their‌ ‌family,‌ ‌friends,‌ ‌everything‌ ‌was‌ ‌going‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌way‌ ‌it‌ ‌was‌ ‌again.‌ ‌And‌ ‌then‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌did‌ ‌the‌ ‌unspeakable‌ ‌and‌ ‌left‌ ‌himself,‌ ‌promising‌ ‌the‌ ‌brothers‌ ‌of‌ ‌a‌ ‌better‌ ‌world.‌ ‌But‌ ‌all‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌could‌ ‌think‌ ‌about‌ ‌was‌ ‌‌him‌.‌ ‌ ‌‌

Cas.‌ ‌ ‌‌

That‌ ‌goddamn‌ ‌angel.‌ ‌The‌ ‌hunter‌ ‌cursed‌ ‌himself‌ ‌with‌ ‌every‌ ‌waking‌ ‌moment‌ ‌for‌ ‌not‌ ‌begging‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌to‌ ‌bring‌ ‌him‌ ‌back,‌ ‌to‌ ‌at‌ ‌least‌ ‌try.‌ ‌He‌ ‌knew‌ ‌he‌ ‌was‌ ‌hard‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌kid‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌past,‌ ‌and‌ ‌had‌ ‌always‌ ‌brushed‌ ‌him‌ ‌aside,‌ ‌but‌ ‌he‌ ‌truly‌ ‌wished‌ ‌he‌ ‌had‌ ‌asked‌ ‌for‌ ‌even‌ ‌a‌ ‌hope‌ ‌of‌ ‌that‌ ‌miracle.‌ ‌‌

As‌ ‌if‌ ‌the‌ ‌words‌ ‌were‌ ‌spoken‌ ‌out‌ ‌loud,‌ ‌the‌ ‌shaggy‌ ‌dog‌ ‌that‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌had‌ ‌picked‌ ‌up‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌gas‌ ‌station‌ ‌padded‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌room‌ ‌making‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌smile‌ ‌slightly.‌ ‌At‌ ‌least‌ ‌all‌ ‌things‌ ‌weren’t‌ ‌horrible.‌ ‌Patting‌ ‌the‌ ‌empty‌ ‌space‌ ‌beside‌ ‌him‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌bed,‌ ‌the‌ ‌dog‌ ‌trotted‌ ‌over‌ ‌before‌ ‌jumping‌ ‌up‌ ‌into‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌waiting‌ ‌arms,‌ ‌receiving‌ ‌all‌ ‌the‌ ‌pets‌ ‌and‌ ‌scratches‌ ‌he‌ ‌could‌ ‌ever‌ ‌desire.‌ ‌‌

“Good‌ ‌boy.”‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌looked‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌dog’s‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌before‌ ‌kissing‌ ‌him‌ ‌on‌ ‌top‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌head,‌ ‌“I‌ ‌guess‌ ‌we‌ ‌can’t‌ ‌wish‌ ‌for‌ ‌everything,‌ ‌huh‌ ‌bud?”‌ ‌ ‌‌

Miracle‌ ‌tilted‌ ‌his‌ ‌head‌ ‌at‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌voice,‌ ‌a‌ ‌gentle‌ ‌‘huff’‌ ‌leaving‌ ‌his‌ ‌mouth‌ ‌before‌ ‌he‌ ‌circled‌ ‌around‌ ‌and‌ ‌curled‌ ‌up‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌messy‌ ‌bedsheets.‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌gave‌ ‌him‌ ‌a‌ ‌few‌ ‌final‌ ‌pets,‌ ‌muttering‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌assuring‌ ‌words‌ ‌over‌ ‌again before sitting up.‌

‌‌Glancing‌ ‌over‌ ‌at‌ ‌his‌ ‌bedside‌ ‌table,‌ ‌his‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌caught‌ ‌onto‌ ‌his‌ ‌headphone‌ ‌and‌ ‌cassette‌ ‌player,‌ ‌the‌ ‌tape‌ ‌inside‌ ‌being‌ ‌the‌ ‌same‌ ‌one‌ ‌he‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌playing‌ ‌on‌ ‌repeat‌ ‌for‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌few‌ ‌days:‌ ‌the‌ ‌mixtape‌ ‌he‌ ‌made‌ ‌for‌ ‌Cas.‌ ‌

‌‌Instead‌ ‌of‌ ‌grabbing‌ ‌the‌ ‌headphones‌ ‌and‌ ‌spending‌ ‌more‌ ‌time‌ ‌in‌ ‌bed,‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌doing‌ ‌almost‌ ‌every‌ ‌day,‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌got‌ ‌up.‌ ‌There‌ ‌was‌ ‌no‌ ‌use‌ ‌to‌ ‌making‌ ‌himself‌ ‌feel‌ ‌worse‌ ‌and,‌ ‌he‌ ‌was‌ ‌hungry.‌ ‌

He‌ ‌moved‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌bedroom‌ ‌door,‌ ‌glancing‌ ‌down‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌bowls‌ ‌in‌ ‌front‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌bed‌ ‌checking‌ ‌that‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌had‌ ‌enough‌ ‌water‌ ‌and‌ ‌food‌ ‌until‌ ‌he‌ ‌got‌ ‌back.‌ ‌

‌‌‘I’ll‌ ‌bring‌ ‌back‌ ‌some‌ ‌bacon‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌kitchen‌ ‌for‌ ‌him.’‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌decided,‌ ‌walking‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌desired‌ ‌destination‌ ‌just‌ ‌to‌ ‌meet‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌already‌ ‌there,‌ ‌working‌ ‌away‌ ‌with‌ ‌the‌ ‌scrambled‌ ‌eggs‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌frying‌ ‌pan.‌ ‌ ‌

Dean‌ ‌moved‌ ‌toward‌ ‌the‌ ‌coffee‌ ‌machine‌ ‌with‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌few‌ ‌dregs‌ ‌left‌ ‌and‌ ‌poured‌ ‌some‌ ‌into‌ ‌a‌ ‌cup‌ ‌that‌ ‌he‌ ‌cherished‌ ‌with‌ ‌every‌ ‌day‌ ‌that‌ ‌passed.‌ ‌It‌ ‌was‌ ‌a‌ ‌simple‌ ‌white‌ ‌mug‌ ‌with‌ ‌the‌ ‌words‌ ‌‘Good‌ ‌Morning‌ ‌Sunshine’‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌front‌ ‌and‌ ‌a‌ ‌bright‌ ‌yellow‌ ‌sun‌ ‌placed‌ ‌underneath.‌ ‌It‌ ‌was‌ ‌Cas’‌ ‌present‌ ‌to‌ ‌him‌ ‌for‌ ‌his‌ ‌birthday‌ ‌a‌ ‌few‌ ‌months‌ ‌back.‌ ‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌couldn’t‌ ‌have‌ ‌asked‌ ‌for‌ ‌anything‌ ‌better.‌ ‌‌Sam‌ ‌nodded‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother,‌ ‌muttering‌ ‌a‌ ‌quiet‌ ‌‘Morning’‌ ‌before‌ ‌grabbing‌ ‌a‌ ‌third‌ ‌plate‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌cabinet‌ ‌to‌ ‌divide‌ ‌the‌ ‌eggs‌ ‌onto‌ ‌along‌ ‌with‌ ‌strips‌ ‌of‌ ‌bacon,‌ ‌the‌ ‌normal‌ ‌crispy‌ ‌and‌ ‌greasy‌ ‌kind‌ ‌for‌ ‌Dean,‌ ‌and‌ ‌turkey‌ ‌bacon‌ ‌for‌ ‌the‌ ‌other‌ ‌two.‌ ‌

‌‌Dean‌ ‌savoured‌ ‌the‌ ‌bitter‌ ‌taste‌ ‌of‌ ‌coffee‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌spun‌ ‌around‌ ‌and‌ ‌leaned‌ ‌back‌ ‌against‌ ‌the‌ ‌counter,‌ ‌holding‌ ‌his‌ ‌mug‌ ‌up‌ ‌to‌ ‌greet‌ ‌Eileen,‌ ‌her‌ ‌head‌ ‌buried‌ ‌in‌ ‌a‌ ‌book‌ ‌about‌ ‌vampires‌ ‌and‌ ‌lore,‌ ‌something‌ ‌she‌ ‌found‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌library‌ ‌the‌ ‌first‌ ‌time‌ ‌she‌ ‌came‌ ‌around.‌ ‌‌

“Morning‌ ‌Dean.”‌ ‌She‌ ‌greeted‌ ‌happily‌ ‌before‌ ‌smiling‌ ‌up‌ ‌at‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌placed‌ ‌a‌ ‌filled‌ ‌plate‌ ‌in‌ ‌front‌ ‌of‌ ‌her,‌ ‌“Thanks,‌ ‌Sammy.”‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌slyly‌ ‌smiled‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌nickname his borther used to hate,‌ ‌bringing‌ ‌the‌ ‌cup‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌lips‌ ‌to‌ ‌drain‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌liquid‌ ‌gold‌ ‌before‌ ‌gliding‌ ‌over‌ ‌to‌ ‌take‌ ‌a‌ ‌seat‌ ‌beside‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌with‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌sitting‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌opposite‌ ‌bench,‌ ‌food‌ ‌in‌ ‌front‌ ‌of‌ ‌each‌ ‌of‌ ‌them.‌

‌‌“So,‌ ‌any‌ ‌reports‌ ‌on‌ ‌danger‌ ‌around?”‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌asked‌ ‌over‌ ‌a‌ ‌bite‌ ‌of‌ ‌scrambled‌ ‌eggs.‌

‌‌Sam‌ ‌shook‌ ‌his‌ ‌head,‌ ‌digging‌ ‌into‌ ‌his‌ ‌own‌ ‌food‌ ‌with‌ ‌one‌ ‌hand,‌ ‌the‌ ‌other‌ ‌subconsciously‌ ‌moving‌ ‌closer‌ ‌to‌ ‌Eileen’s‌ ‌that‌ ‌also‌ ‌rested‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌table,‌ ‌“No,‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌been‌ ‌pretty‌ ‌quiet‌ ‌since‌ ‌everything‌ ‌went‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌‘normal’,‌ ‌Claire‌ ‌and‌ ‌Jodie‌ ‌caught‌ ‌a‌ ‌case‌ ‌with‌ ‌a‌ ‌werewolf‌ ‌a‌ ‌few‌ ‌days‌ ‌back‌ ‌but‌ ‌nothing‌ ‌serious‌ ‌and‌ ‌nothing‌ ‌since.”‌

‌‌“I‌ ‌hate‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌it,‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌don’t like ‌the‌ ‌silence,”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌admitted,‌ ‌shaking‌ ‌his‌ ‌head‌ ‌in‌ ‌doubt,‌ ‌his‌ ‌brows‌ ‌creased‌ ‌in‌ ‌uncertainty,‌ ‌“It‌ ‌just‌ ‌doesn’t‌ ‌feel‌ ‌right,‌ ‌are‌ ‌‌all‌‌ ‌the‌ ‌monsters‌ ‌laying‌ ‌low?”‌ ‌‌

“I‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌know,‌ ‌I‌ ‌mean,‌ ‌with‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌being‌ ‌the‌ ‌new...‌ ‌God,‌ ‌I‌ ‌guess‌ ‌they’re‌ ‌waiting‌ ‌to‌ ‌see‌ ‌what‌ ‌happens?‌ ‌But‌ ‌I‌ ‌get‌ ‌it,‌ ‌it‌ ‌doesn’t‌ ‌make‌ ‌sense.”‌ ‌

‌‌“I‌ ‌think‌ ‌I’ll‌ ‌go‌ ‌looking‌ ‌at‌ ‌reports‌ ‌and‌ ‌stuff,‌ ‌see‌ ‌if‌ ‌anything‌ ‌pops‌ ‌up. Iif‌ ‌not‌, ‌I‌ ‌might‌ ‌take‌ ‌Baby‌ ‌and‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌out‌ ‌for‌ ‌a‌ ‌spin,‌ ‌get‌ ‌them‌ ‌out‌ ‌for‌ ‌some‌ ‌fresh‌ ‌air.”‌ ‌‌‘And‌ ‌get‌ ‌me‌ ‌away‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌happy‌ ‌couple’,‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌added‌ ‌silently‌ ‌to‌ ‌himself‌ ‌but‌ ‌immediately‌ ‌felt‌ ‌guilty‌ ‌upon‌ ‌thinking‌ ‌it.‌

‌He‌ ‌was‌ ‌happy‌ ‌for‌ ‌Sam.‌ ‌Happy‌ ‌that‌ ‌he‌ ‌and‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌were‌ ‌finally‌ ‌back‌ ‌together.‌ ‌He‌ ‌was‌ ‌just‌ ‌envious‌ ‌and‌ ‌hurt‌ ‌that‌ ‌he‌ ‌didn’t‌ ‌have‌ ‌a‌ ‌similar‌ ‌reunion of his own.‌ ‌

‌‌“Maybe‌ ‌we‌ ‌could‌ ‌make‌ ‌a‌ ‌trip‌ ‌over‌ ‌to‌ ‌Charlie‌ ‌and‌ ‌Stevie’s,‌ ‌make‌ ‌sure‌ ‌everything’s‌ ‌good‌ ‌on‌ ‌their‌ ‌end?”‌ ‌‌

“Might‌ ‌not‌ ‌be‌ ‌a‌ ‌good‌ ‌idea‌ ‌after‌ ‌how‌ ‌we‌ ‌left‌ ‌Charlie‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌time,”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌chided,‌ ‌“I‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌think‌ ‌I‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌know‌ ‌what‌ ‌she‌ ‌can‌ ‌do‌ ‌when‌ ‌she’s‌ ‌angry-”‌

‌‌“I‌ ‌doubt‌ ‌she’s‌ ‌angry‌ ‌Dean,‌ ‌and‌ ‌even‌ ‌if‌ ‌she‌ ‌is,‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌not‌ ‌at‌ ‌you.‌ It’s‌ ‌at‌ ‌Chuck,‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌life‌ ‌he‌ ‌forced‌ ‌us‌ ‌‌all‌‌ ‌to‌ ‌live,”‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌said.‌ ‌‌The‌ ‌older‌ ‌Winchester‌ ‌nodded‌ ‌and‌ ‌kindly‌ ‌smiled‌ ‌yet‌ ‌he‌ ‌couldn’t‌ ‌bring‌ ‌the‌ ‌same‌ ‌warmth‌ ‌to‌ ‌reach‌ ‌his‌ ‌eyes,‌ ‌“Maybe‌ ‌another‌ ‌time.”‌ ‌‌

As‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌stared‌ ‌blankly‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌remaining‌ ‌two‌ ‌pieces‌ ‌of‌ ‌bacon‌ ‌in‌ ‌front‌ ‌of‌ ‌him,‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌and‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌shared‌ ‌a‌ ‌worried‌ ‌glance,‌ ‌speaking‌ ‌silently‌ ‌with‌ ‌one‌ ‌another‌ ‌before‌ ‌she‌ ‌moved‌ ‌to‌ ‌collect‌ ‌her‌ ‌and‌ ‌Sam’s‌ ‌finished‌ ‌plates,‌ ‌“Just‌ ‌place‌ ‌your‌ ‌plate‌ ‌by‌ ‌the‌ ‌sink‌ ‌when‌ ‌you’re‌ ‌finished‌ ‌Dean,‌ ‌I’ll‌ ‌clean‌ ‌up.”‌ ‌

‌“Nah‌ ‌you‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌have‌ ‌to‌ ‌do‌ ‌that,‌ ‌you‌ ‌and‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌should‌ ‌go‌ ‌out,‌ ‌go do‌ ‌whatever‌ ‌kids these days get up to these days.‌ ‌I‌ ‌heard‌ ‌you‌ ‌both‌ ‌talking‌ ‌about‌ ‌going‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌park‌ ‌the‌ ‌other‌ ‌day,‌ ‌why‌ ‌not‌ ‌do‌ ‌that?‌ ‌It’s‌ ‌the‌ ‌right‌ ‌weather‌ ‌for‌ ‌it,‌ ‌so‌ ‌you‌ ‌might‌ ‌as‌ ‌well,‌ ‌I’ll‌ ‌get‌ ‌here‌ ‌cleaned‌ ‌up.”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌declared,‌ ‌deciding‌ ‌to‌ ‌save‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌two‌ ‌bacon‌ ‌strips‌ ‌for‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌got‌ ‌up‌ ‌and‌ ‌moved‌ ‌toward‌ ‌the‌ ‌sink.‌

‌‌“Are‌ ‌you‌ ‌sure?”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌questioned,‌ ‌glancing‌ ‌between‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌and‌ ‌Eileen‌ ‌who‌ ‌was‌ ‌trying‌ ‌to‌ ‌push‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌away‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌sink‌ ‌to‌ ‌let‌ ‌her‌ ‌clean‌ ‌up‌ ‌but‌ ‌the‌ ‌older‌ ‌(and‌ ‌stronger)‌ ‌brother‌ ‌was‌ ‌having‌ ‌none‌ ‌of‌ ‌it,‌ ‌ ‌‌

“Yes,‌ ‌go!‌ ‌I’ll‌ ‌be‌ ‌here‌ ‌looking‌ ‌for‌ ‌cases‌ ‌most‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌day‌ ‌anyway,‌ ‌or‌ ‌as‌ ‌I‌ ‌said,‌ ‌taking‌ ‌Baby‌ ‌and‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌for‌ ‌a‌ ‌drive‌ ‌so‌ ‌you‌ ‌might‌ ‌as‌ ‌well.”‌ ‌‌

Sam‌ ‌was‌ ‌hesitant‌ ‌at‌ ‌first‌ ‌but‌ ‌one‌ ‌look‌ ‌from‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌made‌ ‌him‌ ‌roll‌ ‌his‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌and‌ ‌agree.‌ ‌“Fine,‌ ‌let‌ ‌me‌ ‌grab‌ ‌my‌ ‌coat.”‌

‌‌Eileen‌ ‌followed‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌kitchen‌ ‌to‌ ‌grab‌ ‌her‌ ‌own‌ ‌things‌ ‌before‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌left‌ ‌the‌ ‌bunker,‌ ‌quiet,‌ ‌comfortable‌ ‌laughter‌ ‌emitting‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌as‌ ‌the‌ ‌doors‌ ‌shut‌ ‌behind‌ ‌them,‌ ‌leaving‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌alone‌ ‌in‌ ‌silence‌ ‌to‌ ‌tidy‌ ‌the‌ ‌kitchen‌ ‌and‌ ‌return‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌room‌ ‌with‌ ‌the‌ ‌remaining‌ ‌scraps‌ ‌of‌ ‌food‌ ‌for‌ ‌Miracle.‌

‌‌ __‌ ‌‌

Sam‌ ‌found‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌hunched‌ ‌over‌ ‌the‌ ‌laptop‌ ‌when‌ ‌he‌ ‌got‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌bunker‌ ‌without‌ ‌Eileen.‌ ‌She‌ ‌decided‌ ‌that‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌brothers‌ ‌needed‌ ‌to‌ ‌talk,‌ ‌and‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌was‌ ‌willing‌ ‌to‌ ‌agree.‌ ‌

One‌ ‌of‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌hands‌ ‌was‌ ‌buried‌ ‌in‌ ‌Miracle’s‌ ‌fur,‌ ‌the‌ ‌dog’s‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌flickering‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌moved‌ ‌from‌ ‌consciousness‌ ‌to‌ ‌slowly‌ ‌falling‌ ‌asleep‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌bunker‌ ‌seat. Dean’s ‌other‌ ‌hand‌ ‌was‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌mousepad‌ ‌looking‌ ‌at‌ ‌recent‌ ‌news‌ ‌posts,‌ ‌searching‌ ‌for‌ ‌signs‌ ‌of‌ ‌anything‌ ‌supernatural.‌ ‌‌

“Anything?”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌asked‌ ‌in‌ ‌his‌ ‌way‌ ‌of‌ ‌greeting,‌ ‌slumping‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌seat‌ ‌opposite‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌and‌ ‌opening‌ ‌up‌ ‌his‌ ‌own‌ ‌laptop.‌

‌Dean‌ ‌was‌ ‌silent‌ ‌as‌ ‌if‌ ‌he‌ ‌hadn’t‌ ‌heard‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌at‌ ‌all.‌

‌‌“Dean,”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌called‌ ‌again‌ ‌making‌ ‌the‌ ‌older‌ ‌brother‌ ‌look‌ ‌up‌ ‌and‌ ‌shake‌ ‌his‌ ‌head.‌

‌‌“I‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌know…”‌

‌‌“What‌ ‌is‌ ‌it?”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌asks,‌ ‌leaning‌ ‌forward‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌spots‌ ‌the‌ ‌confuse‌ ‌look‌ ‌cross‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌face‌ ‌before‌ ‌he‌ ‌gulped‌ ‌nervously,‌

‌‌“I’m‌ ‌not‌ ‌sure.”‌

‌‌“Dean?”‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌pushed‌ ‌his‌ ‌chair‌ ‌back‌ ‌quickly,‌ ‌startling‌ ‌both‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌and‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌jumped‌ ‌up,‌ ‌wide‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌refusing‌ ‌to‌ ‌leave‌ ‌the‌ ‌laptop‌ ‌screen.‌ ‌His‌ ‌face‌ ‌grew‌ ‌pale,‌ ‌he‌ ‌tried‌ ‌to‌ ‌open‌ ‌his‌ ‌mouth‌ ‌to‌ ‌speak‌ ‌but‌ ‌nothing‌ ‌came‌ ‌out,‌ ‌until‌ ‌finally,‌

‌‌“I…‌ ‌I‌ ‌have‌ ‌to‌ ‌go.”‌ ‌

‌“Dean?”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌called‌ ‌after‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌ran‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌room,‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌running‌ ‌in‌ ‌tow‌ ‌behind‌ ‌him.‌ ‌

Sam‌ ‌quickly‌ ‌grabbed‌ ‌the‌ ‌laptop‌ ‌and‌ ‌turned‌ ‌it‌ ‌around‌ ‌the‌ ‌face‌ ‌him,‌ ‌a‌ ‌similar‌ ‌expression‌ ‌of‌ ‌shock‌ ‌greeting‌ ‌his‌ ‌face,‌ ‌“No‌ ‌way.”‌ ‌‌

Kicking‌ ‌the‌ ‌chair‌ ‌back,‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌ran‌ ‌after‌ ‌his‌ ‌older‌ ‌brother,‌ ‌grabbing‌ ‌his‌ ‌jacket‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌coat‌ ‌rack‌ ‌before‌ ‌following‌ ‌the‌ ‌path‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌garage‌ ‌where‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌already‌ ‌had‌ ‌Baby‌ ‌up‌ ‌and‌ ‌running‌ ‌about‌ ‌the‌ ‌leave‌ ‌without‌ ‌him,‌ ‌

“Dean,‌ ‌wait!”‌

‌‌The‌ ‌car‌ ‌ground‌ ‌to‌ ‌a‌ ‌halt‌ ‌in‌ ‌front‌ ‌of‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌as‌ ‌the‌ ‌brother‌ ‌opened‌ ‌the‌ ‌passenger‌ ‌door,‌ ‌jumping‌ ‌in‌ ‌and‌ ‌slamming‌ ‌it‌ ‌shut‌ ‌behind‌ ‌him,‌ ‌“Alright,‌ ‌let’s‌ ‌go.”‌ ‌‌

The‌ ‌drive‌ ‌was‌ ‌less‌ ‌than‌ ‌an‌ ‌hour‌ ‌long‌ ‌and‌ ‌yet‌ ‌to‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌it‌ ‌felt‌ ‌like‌ ‌days‌ ‌went‌ ‌by‌ ‌before‌ ‌they‌ ‌finally‌ ‌reached‌ ‌the‌ ‌barnyard‌ ‌they‌ ‌were‌ ‌searching‌ ‌for.‌ ‌A‌ ‌farmer‌ ‌had‌ ‌sworn‌ ‌he‌ ‌saw‌ ‌lightning‌ ‌strike‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌but‌ ‌that‌ ‌wasn’t‌ ‌what‌ ‌stood‌ ‌out‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌hunters.‌ ‌It‌ ‌was‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌detail,‌ ‌something‌ ‌the‌ ‌news‌ ‌brushed‌ ‌off‌ ‌as‌ ‌a‌ ‌coincidence.‌ ‌

The‌ ‌shadowed‌ ‌image‌ ‌of‌ ‌two‌ ‌identical‌ ‌shapes‌ ‌that‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌men‌ ‌knew‌ ‌too‌ ‌well;‌ ‌the‌ ‌large‌ ‌black‌ ‌wings‌ ‌of‌ ‌a‌ ‌fallen‌ ‌angel‌ ‌spread‌ ‌across‌ ‌the‌ ‌dirt.‌ ‌‌

He‌ ‌had‌ ‌to‌ ‌be‌ ‌here.‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌barely‌ ‌put‌ ‌Baby‌ ‌to‌ ‌a‌ ‌halt,‌ ‌the‌ ‌car‌ ‌still‌ ‌in‌ ‌motion‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌was‌ ‌jumping‌ ‌out,‌ ‌running‌ ‌toward‌ ‌the‌ ‌barn‌ ‌entrance‌ ‌to‌ ‌confirm‌ ‌what‌ ‌the‌ ‌farmer‌ ‌had‌ ‌seen.‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌nearly‌ ‌fell‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌knees‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌spotted‌ ‌the‌ ‌outlines‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌dark‌ ‌wings‌ ‌pressed‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground.‌ ‌Instead,‌ ‌he‌ ‌stumbled‌ ‌back,‌ ‌only‌ ‌to‌ ‌be‌ ‌caught‌ ‌by‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌who‌ ‌ran‌ ‌up‌ ‌behind‌ ‌him,‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌in‌ ‌tow,‌ ‌sniffing‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌around‌ ‌them.‌

‌‌“This‌ ‌can’t‌ ‌be‌ ‌a‌ ‌coincidence,”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌muttered,‌ ‌more‌ ‌to‌ ‌himself‌ ‌than‌ ‌either‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌companions‌ ‌but‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌still‌ ‌nodded‌ ‌in‌ ‌agreement,‌ ‌head‌ ‌moving‌ ‌around‌ ‌in‌ ‌search‌ ‌of‌ ‌anything‌ ‌that‌ ‌would‌ ‌give‌ ‌them‌ ‌a‌ ‌clue,‌ ‌until…‌ ‌‌

Whoosh‌ ‌‌

Spinning‌ ‌around,‌ ‌both‌ ‌boys‌ ‌stood‌ ‌in‌ ‌shock‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌figure‌ ‌before‌ ‌them,‌

‌‌“Hello,”‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌spoke,‌ ‌his‌ ‌signature‌ ‌smile‌ ‌and‌ ‌wave‌ ‌gracing‌ ‌his‌ ‌face‌ ‌as‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌boys‌ ‌stared‌ ‌back‌ ‌in‌ ‌wonder,‌ ‌‌

“Jack?”‌ ‌‌

The‌ ‌boy,‌ ‌or‌ ‌God,‌ ‌nodded‌ ‌and‌ ‌grinned‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌two,‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌brightening‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌spotted‌ ‌the‌ ‌dog‌ ‌who‌ ‌now‌ ‌sat‌ ‌beside‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌feet,‌

‌“I‌ ‌see‌ ‌you‌ ‌brought‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌with‌ ‌you,‌ ‌I’m‌ ‌glad‌ ‌he’s‌ ‌given‌ ‌you‌ ‌some‌ ‌peace‌ ‌in‌ ‌life.”‌ ‌‌

“Jack,”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌spoke‌ ‌hesitantly,‌ ‌not‌ ‌knowing‌ ‌how‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌his‌ ‌next‌ ‌words‌ ‌without‌ ‌being‌ ‌offensive,‌ ‌and‌ ‌yet‌ ‌it‌ ‌seemed‌ ‌the‌ ‌words‌ ‌just‌ ‌fell‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌mouth‌ ‌anyway,‌ ‌“Why‌ ‌the‌ ‌hell‌ ‌are‌ ‌you‌ ‌here,‌ ‌I‌ ‌mean‌ ‌not‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌not‌ ‌nice‌ ‌to‌ ‌see‌ ‌you‌ ‌but,‌ ‌the‌ ‌wings‌ ‌on‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌I‌ ‌just,‌ ‌I‌ ‌thought-”‌ ‌‌

“I‌ ‌know,”‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌nodded,‌ ‌“I’m‌ ‌sorry.”‌

‌‌Dean��s‌ ‌shoulder’s‌ ‌slumped‌ ‌in‌ ‌anguish‌ ‌at‌ ‌the‌ ‌words,‌ ‌expecting‌ ‌the‌ ‌boy‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌it‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌a‌ ‌mistake,‌ ‌an‌ ‌angel‌ ‌had‌ ‌fallen‌ ‌but‌ ‌it‌ ‌had‌ ‌nothing‌ ‌to‌ ‌do‌ ‌with‌ ‌what‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌was‌ ‌thinking,‌ ‌until,‌ ‌

‌‌“I’m‌ ‌sorry‌ ‌I‌ ‌had‌ ‌to‌ ‌make‌ ‌you‌ ‌drive‌ ‌all‌ ‌the‌ ‌way‌ ‌out‌ ‌here,‌ ‌I’m‌ ‌still‌ ‌trying‌ ‌to‌ ‌figure‌ ‌out‌ ‌my‌ ‌new‌ ‌powers‌ ‌and‌ ‌it’s‌ ‌been‌ ‌a‌ ‌little‌ ‌difficult‌ ‌trying‌ ‌to‌ ‌get‌ ‌everything‌ ‌just‌ ‌right.‌ ‌I‌ ‌wanted‌ ‌to‌ ‌bring‌ ‌him‌ ‌back‌ ‌home,‌ ‌but‌ ‌my‌ ‌calculations‌ ‌were‌ ‌off‌ ‌and-”‌

‌‌“Wait,‌ ‌Jack,”‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌cut‌ ‌the‌ ‌boy‌ ‌off,‌ ‌but‌ ‌he‌ ‌didn’t‌ ‌seem‌ ‌to‌ ‌mind‌ ‌this‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌glanced‌ ‌up,‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌shining‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌realised‌ ‌he‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌rambling.‌ ‌

Before‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌could‌ ‌respond‌ ‌further,‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌began‌ ‌to‌ ‌walk‌ ‌toward‌ ‌them,‌ ‌ ‌‌“Oh‌ ‌sorry,‌ ‌here,‌ ‌let‌ ‌me‌ ‌show‌ ‌you.”‌ ‌‌As‌ ‌the‌ ‌new‌ ‌God‌ ‌neared‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌brothers,‌ ‌his‌ ‌family,‌ ‌he‌ ‌lifted‌ ‌his‌ ‌hand‌ ‌and‌ ‌clicked‌ ‌his‌ ‌fingers.‌ ‌

A‌ ‌gentle‌ ‌hum‌ ‌flooded‌ ‌the‌ ‌area,‌ ‌making‌ ‌chills‌ ‌flow‌ ‌through‌ ‌the‌ ‌boys‌ ‌and‌ ‌even‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌shook‌ ‌his‌ ‌fur‌ ‌coat‌ ‌lightly.‌ ‌‌

“Jack,‌ ‌I‌ ‌don’t-”‌

‌‌“Dean?”‌ ‌‌Dean‌ ‌froze,‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌wide.‌ ‌He‌ ‌knew‌ ‌that‌ ‌voice.‌ ‌He‌ ‌knew‌ ‌that‌ ‌voice‌ ‌all‌ ‌too‌ ‌well.‌ ‌‌

Spinning‌ ‌around,‌ ‌the‌ ‌green-eyed‌ ‌man‌ ‌choked‌ ‌a‌ ‌sob‌ ‌as‌ ‌a‌ ‌black-haired,‌ ‌blue-eyed‌ ‌figure‌ ‌walked‌ ‌forward,‌ ‌trench‌ ‌coat‌ ‌in‌ ‌hand‌ ‌and‌ ‌a‌ ‌smile,‌ ‌a‌ ‌goddamn‌ ‌smile,‌ ‌on‌ ‌his‌ ‌angelic‌ ‌face.‌ ‌‌

It‌ ‌was‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌who‌ ‌broke‌ ‌the‌ ‌silence,‌ ‌being‌ ‌the‌ ‌first‌ ‌to‌ ‌utter‌ ‌Cas’s‌ ‌name‌ ‌aloud.‌ ‌The‌ ‌man‌ ‌smiled,‌ ‌turning‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌younger‌ ‌brother,‌ ‌

“Hello‌ ‌Sam.”‌

‌‌Sam‌ ‌didn’t‌ ‌hesitate‌ ‌to‌ ‌move‌ ‌forward‌ ‌and‌ ‌greet‌ ‌his‌ ‌best‌ ‌friend,‌ ‌hugging‌ ‌him‌ ‌tightly,‌

‌“How,‌ ‌how‌ ‌are‌ ‌you-?”‌ ‌He‌ ‌tried‌ ‌to‌ ‌ask‌ ‌but‌ ‌the‌ ‌words‌ ‌fell‌ ‌flat‌ ‌on‌ ‌his‌ ‌lips.‌ ‌ ‌‌

Castiel‌ ‌gestured‌ ‌to‌ ‌Jack,‌ ‌chuckling‌ ‌softly,‌ ‌“Jack‌ ‌made‌ ‌a‌ ‌deal‌ ‌with‌ ‌the‌ ‌Empty,‌ ‌it‌ ‌would‌ ‌finally‌ ‌know‌ ‌peace‌ ‌and‌ ‌quiet,‌ ‌the‌ ‌one‌ ‌thing‌ ‌it‌ ‌has‌ ‌been‌ ‌searching‌ ‌for‌ ‌and,‌ ‌in‌ ‌return,‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌released,‌ ‌but‌ ‌instead‌ ‌of‌ ‌coming‌ ‌back‌ ‌as‌ ‌an‌ ‌angel,‌ ‌it‌ ‌made‌ ‌me-”‌

‌‌“Human.”‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌finished‌ ‌off,‌ ‌meeting‌ ‌the‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌three‌ ‌fathers,‌ ‌“I’m‌ ‌sorry,‌ ‌I‌ ‌wish‌ ‌it‌ ‌could‌ ‌have‌ ‌been‌ ‌different‌ ‌but-”‌

‌‌“Jack,”‌

‌Dean‌ ‌cut‌ ‌the‌ ‌boy‌ ‌off‌ ‌quietly‌ ‌before‌ ‌meeting‌ ‌his‌ ‌eyes.‌ ‌The‌ ‌look‌ ‌of‌ ‌shock‌ ‌turned‌ ‌to‌ ‌one‌ ‌of‌ ‌gratitude‌ ‌and‌ ‌relief,‌ ‌tears‌ ‌pricking‌ ‌his‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌as‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌moved‌ ‌the‌ ‌last‌ ‌few‌ ‌paces‌ ‌toward‌ ‌Jack,‌ ‌pulling‌ ‌him‌ ‌in‌ ‌a‌ ‌strong‌ ‌familial‌ ‌hug,‌

‌“You‌ ‌did‌ ‌good‌ ‌kid,‌ ‌you‌ ‌did,‌ ‌you‌ ‌performed‌ ‌a‌ ‌miracle.”‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌tightened‌ ‌his‌ ‌grip‌ ‌on‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌for‌ ‌a‌ ‌moment,‌ ‌uttering‌ ‌a‌ ‌silent‌ ‌thank‌ ‌you‌ ‌for‌ ‌only‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌to‌ ‌hear‌ ‌before‌ ‌the‌ ‌two‌ ‌pulled‌ ‌away,‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌nodding‌ ‌in‌ ‌acknowledgement‌ ‌of‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌words.‌ ‌‌

It‌ ‌was‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌turn‌ ‌to‌ ‌move‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌finally‌ ‌face‌ ‌Castiel;‌ ‌his‌ ‌best‌ ‌friend,‌ ‌the‌ ‌man‌ ‌he‌ ‌has‌ ‌known‌ ‌for‌ ‌what‌ ‌feels‌ ‌like‌ ‌hundreds‌ ‌of‌ ‌years‌ ‌and‌ ‌has‌ ‌saved‌ ‌him‌ ‌more‌ ‌times‌ ‌than‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌could‌ ‌count.‌ ‌

The‌ ‌man‌ ‌that‌ ‌confessed‌ ‌his‌ ‌feelings‌ ‌before‌ ‌he‌ ‌leaving‌ ‌to‌ ‌save‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌‌again‌‌ ‌and‌ ‌the‌ ‌man‌ ‌that‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌has‌ ‌been‌ ‌in‌ ‌love‌ ‌with‌ ‌for‌ ‌who‌ ‌knows‌ ‌how‌ ‌many‌ ‌years‌ ‌since‌ ‌they‌ ‌met.‌

‌‌“Cas?”‌

‌‌“Hello,‌ ‌Dean.”‌ ‌‌

Tears‌ ‌flowed‌ ‌freely‌ ‌down‌ ‌Dean’s‌ ‌face,‌ ‌not‌ ‌caring‌ ‌that‌ ‌his‌ ‌brother‌ ‌or‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌were‌ ‌watching‌ ‌them,‌ ‌not‌ ‌as‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌hauled‌ ‌himself‌ ‌forward‌ ‌and‌ ‌collapsed‌ ‌into‌ ‌Cas’‌ ‌arms‌ ‌toppling‌ ‌them‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌and‌ ‌yet‌ ‌Cas‌ ‌held‌ ‌him‌ ‌tightly.‌ ‌‌

“You‌ ‌were‌ ‌gone,‌ ‌I‌ ‌thought,‌ ‌I-”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌released‌ ‌a‌ ‌shaky‌ ‌sob‌ ‌before‌ ‌burying‌ ‌his‌ ‌head‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌shoulder‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌angel,‌ ‌“I‌ ‌never‌ ‌got‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌it‌ ‌back.‌ ‌You‌ ‌were‌ ‌gone‌ ‌before‌ ‌I,‌ ‌before‌ ‌I‌ ‌could‌ ‌say-”‌

‌‌“Dean-”‌

‌‌“No,‌ ‌Cas,‌ ‌please,‌ ‌I‌ ‌need‌ ‌to‌ ‌say‌ ‌it,”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌begged,‌ ‌green‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌meeting‌ ‌his‌ ‌blue‌ ‌ones.‌ ‌

‌‌Cas‌ ‌nodded,‌ ‌shifting‌ ‌so‌ ‌he‌ ‌only‌ ‌needed‌ ‌one‌ ‌hand‌ ‌to‌ ‌hold‌ ‌himself‌ ‌and‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌up,‌ ‌the‌ ‌other‌ ‌moving‌ ‌to‌ ‌touch‌ ‌his‌ ‌shoulder,‌ ‌like‌ ‌last‌ ‌time‌ ‌instead‌ ‌the‌ ‌grip‌ ‌remained‌ ‌firm‌ ‌and‌ ‌kept‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌grounded‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌finally,‌ ‌‌finally‌,‌ ‌uttered‌ ‌the‌ ‌three‌ ‌words‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌best‌ ‌friend‌ ‌and‌ ‌love‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌life,‌ ‌‌

“I‌ ‌love‌ ‌you,‌ ‌Cas.‌ ‌I‌ ‌have‌ ‌loved‌ ‌you‌ ‌for‌ ‌a‌ ‌long‌ ‌time‌ ‌but,‌ ‌I‌ ‌was‌ ‌afraid,‌ ‌afraid‌ ‌to‌ ‌ruin‌ ‌our‌ ‌friendship,‌ ‌our‌ ‌time‌ ‌together,‌ ‌I-”‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌was‌ ‌cut‌ ‌off‌ ‌when‌ ‌strong‌ ‌lips‌ ‌pressed‌ ‌against‌ ‌his‌ ‌own‌ ‌and‌ ‌fresh‌ ‌tears‌ ‌began‌ ‌to‌ ‌fall‌ ‌down‌ ‌his‌ ‌face‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌cupped‌ ‌Cas’‌ ‌face‌ ‌in‌ ‌his‌ ‌hands.‌ ‌Both‌ ‌men‌ ‌fell‌ ‌back,‌ ‌crashing‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground‌ ‌to‌ ‌embrace‌ ‌the‌ ‌another‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌dust‌ ‌and‌ ‌dirt,‌ ‌not‌ ‌caring‌ ‌for‌ ‌anything‌ ‌but‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌other‌ ‌person‌ ‌holding‌ ‌them.‌ ‌‌

“I‌ ‌love‌ ‌you.‌ ‌I‌ ‌love‌ ‌you.‌ ‌I‌ ‌love‌ ‌you.”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌spoke‌ ‌with‌ ‌bated‌ ‌breathe‌ ‌between‌ ‌each‌ ‌kiss‌ ‌he‌ ‌pressed‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌lover’s‌ ‌mouth.‌ ‌Cas’‌ ‌smile‌ ‌widening‌ ‌in‌ ‌between‌ ‌each‌ ‌one‌ ‌until‌ ‌he‌ ‌encouraged‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌to‌ ‌pull‌ ‌away,‌ ‌ ‌‌

“Not‌ ‌that‌ ‌I‌ ‌don’t‌ ‌love‌ ‌what‌ ‌you’re‌ ‌doing‌ ‌right‌ ‌now,‌ ‌but‌ ‌I‌ ‌would‌ ‌rather‌ ‌if‌ ‌we‌ ‌finished‌ ‌this‌ ‌in‌ ‌private,‌ ‌maybe‌ ‌in‌ ‌bed‌ ‌and‌ ‌without‌ ‌the‌ ‌audience?”‌ ‌He‌ ‌suggested‌ ‌before‌ ‌gesturing‌ ‌to‌ ‌Sam,‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌and‌ ‌Miracle‌ ‌who‌ ‌had‌ ‌retreated‌ ‌back‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌car.‌ ‌Sam‌ ‌was‌ ‌facing‌ ‌Jack‌ ‌talking‌ ‌in‌ ‌hushed‌ ‌voices‌ ‌but‌ ‌by‌ ‌the‌ ‌looks‌ ‌on‌ ‌both‌ ‌their‌ ‌faces,‌ ‌they‌ ‌had‌ ‌been‌ ‌watching‌ ‌the‌ ‌pair’s‌ ‌reunion‌ ‌both‌ ‌parties‌ ‌smiling‌ ‌endlessly.‌

‌‌Dean‌ ‌should‌ ‌have‌ ‌been‌ ‌embarrassed,‌ ‌but‌ ‌he‌ ‌wasn’t.‌ ‌Not‌ ‌now,‌ ‌with‌ ‌Cas‌ ‌here,‌ ‌actually‌ ‌here‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌gritty‌ ‌dirt‌ ‌and‌ ‌smiling‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌pressed‌ ‌a‌ ‌final‌ ‌kiss‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌corner‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌mouth‌ ‌before‌ ‌getting‌ ‌up.‌ ‌

Cas‌ ‌dusted‌ ‌off‌ ‌the‌ ‌trenchcoat‌ ‌that‌ ‌had‌ ‌fallen‌ ‌out‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌grip‌ ‌and‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌ground,‌ ‌before‌ ‌outstretching‌ ‌his‌ ‌hand‌ ‌to‌ ‌Dean.‌ ‌‌Dean‌ ‌accepted‌ ‌the‌ ‌offer‌ ‌without‌ ‌any‌ ‌hesitation,‌ ‌and‌ ‌gasped‌ ‌as‌ ‌Cas‌ ‌pulled‌ ‌him‌ ‌up‌ ‌quickly,‌ ‌smashing‌ ‌their‌ ‌lips‌ ‌together‌ ‌not‌ ‌so‌ ‌gracefully,‌ ‌teeth‌ ‌clashing‌ ‌making‌ ‌both‌ ‌men‌ ‌pull‌ ‌back‌ ‌and‌ ‌groan‌ ‌in‌ ‌pain‌ ‌while‌ ‌laughing,‌

‌“For‌ ‌a‌ ‌human,‌ ‌you’re‌ ‌still‌ ‌pretty‌ ‌strong.”‌ ‌‌

“You’d‌ ‌be‌ ‌quite‌ ‌surprised‌ ‌how‌ ‌strong‌ ‌I‌ ‌can‌ ‌be,‌ ‌Dean.‌ ‌Maybe‌ ‌we‌ ‌can‌ ‌test‌ ‌one‌ ‌another‌ ‌out‌ ‌sometime?”‌

‌‌“Oh,‌ ‌is‌ ‌that‌ ‌a‌ ‌challenge‌ ‌I‌ ‌hear?”‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌laughed,‌ ‌ready‌ ‌to‌ ‌jump‌ ‌into‌ ‌proving‌ ‌Cas‌ ‌wrong,‌ ‌but‌ ‌the‌ ‌soft‌ ‌shake‌ ‌of‌ ‌the‌ ‌head‌ ‌and‌ ‌loving‌ ‌blue‌ ‌eyes‌ ‌stopped‌ ‌him‌ ‌as‌ ‌the‌ ‌angel,‌ ‌or‌ ‌no‌ ‌longer‌ ‌angel‌ ‌replied,‌ ‌‌‌

“No,‌ ‌a‌ ‌promise,‌ ‌to‌ ‌never‌ ‌leave‌ ‌you‌ ‌again.”‌ ‌‌

Dean’s‌ ‌nod‌ded ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌bit ‌back‌ ‌another‌ ‌sob‌, ‌fumbling ‌to‌ ‌say his next new words,‌ ‌“I’ll‌ ‌keep‌ ‌you‌ ‌to‌ ‌that.”‌

‌‌__‌ ‌‌

Dean‌ ‌spent‌ ‌most‌ ‌of‌ ‌his‌ ‌days‌ ‌working‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌garage‌ ‌of‌ ‌their‌ ‌home,‌ ‌under‌ ‌the‌ ‌hood‌ ‌of‌ ‌Baby‌ ‌or‌ ‌any‌ ‌of‌ ‌their‌ ‌friend’s‌ ‌cars,‌ ‌welcoming‌ ‌the‌ ‌feel‌ ‌of‌ ‌oil‌ ‌and‌ ‌grease‌ ‌that‌ ‌clung‌ ‌to‌ ‌his‌ ‌skin‌ ‌and‌ ‌T-shirt.‌ ‌

A‌ ‌towel‌ ‌was‌ ‌thrown‌ ‌over‌ ‌his‌ ‌shoulder,‌ ‌beads‌ ‌of‌ ‌sweat‌ ‌dripping‌ ‌down‌ ‌on‌ ‌his‌ ‌forehead‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌used‌ ‌the back of his‌ ‌arm‌ ‌to‌ ‌wipe‌ ‌it‌ ‌away‌ ‌just‌ ‌as‌ ‌a‌ ‌shrill‌ ‌voice‌ ‌called‌ ‌out‌ ‌to‌ ‌him.‌

‌‌“Dad,‌ ‌Dad,‌ ‌I‌ ‌finished‌ ‌my‌ ‌project‌ ‌for‌ ‌school,‌ ‌do‌ ‌you‌ ‌want‌ ‌to‌ ‌see?”‌ ‌ ‌‌

Rebecca‌ ‌Winchester‌ ‌ran‌ ‌into‌ ‌the‌ ‌garage‌ ‌through‌ ‌the‌ ‌door‌ ‌that‌ ‌led‌ ‌to‌ ‌the‌ ‌kitchen‌ ‌and‌ ‌laughed‌ ‌seeing‌ ‌her‌ ‌father‌ ‌coated‌ ‌in‌ ‌the‌ ‌grime‌ ‌from‌ ‌the‌ ‌car.‌ ‌

Dean‌ ‌smiled,‌ ‌putting‌ ‌his‌ ‌tools‌ ‌and‌ ‌tweaking‌ ‌to‌ ‌a‌ ‌halt‌ ‌as‌ ‌he‌ ‌used‌ ‌the‌ ‌towel‌ ‌to‌ ‌wipe‌ ‌away‌ ‌any‌ ‌remaining‌ ‌oil‌ ‌on‌ ‌his‌ ‌hands,‌ ‌he‌ ‌smiled‌ ‌at‌ ‌her‌ ‌enthusiasm,‌ ‌‌

“I’m‌ ‌assuming‌ ‌your‌ ‌father‌ ‌helped‌ ‌with‌ ‌the‌ ‌painting,‌ ‌or‌ ‌did‌ ‌you‌ ‌do‌ ‌it‌ ‌all‌ ‌by‌ ‌yourself?”‌ ‌‌

“By‌ ‌myself‌ ‌but‌ ‌he ‌watched‌ ‌and‌ ‌tried‌ ‌to‌ ‌step‌ ‌in,‌ ‌I‌ ‌gave‌ ‌him‌ ‌a‌ ‌kitten‌ ‌picture‌ ‌to‌ ‌paint‌ ‌instead, it’s up on the fridge npw.”‌ ‌The‌ ‌girl‌ ‌shrugged‌ ‌grinning‌ ‌as‌ ‌the‌ ‌statement‌ ‌made‌ ‌Dean‌ ‌laugh,‌ ‌ ‌

"That's my girl, okay, lead the way."

Dean chuckled as the young girl eagerly grabbed her father's hand, pulling him from his station beside Baby and up the steps into the kitchen where he noticed it was darker than usual.

A nervous tick grew in Dean as he reached for a gun that was not by his side, jumping in shock as the lights flickered back on and the unexpected scene was met before him,

"Surprise!"

His friends and family cried in celebration, crowding around the dining table that was full of food and beverages. Streamers were strung up and hung from the ceiling along with balloons and poppers that Dean was grateful remained on the table unpopped.

"Happy birthday!" Rebecca cheered gleefully as others repeated her words. Dean's smile reached his eyes, head buried into his hands as he laughed and took in the faces of all his friends before he landed on the man in the middle,

"Cas, did you-"

The blue eyed man gave a cheeky grin as he walked over to his lover, arms reaching to circle around his waist, pulling Dean closely until his head touched his chest and muttered incoherent words into the oil stained t-shirt.

Dean gripped Cas tightly around the shoulders before the two pulled away, Cas holding up has right hand to take Dean's own, their two wedding bands glinting in the dim kitchen light.

"Happy birthday Dean," Sam spoke as he handed an opened beer to his brother in celebration. Beside him, Eileen was linked by his side, a hand grazing the side of her waist as both her hands were holding down the bubbling five year old boy who was trying to jump up and be carried by his Uncle De'.

Dean thanked his brother and family, handing Cas the beer for a moment before crouching down to Jonathan Winchester's height, ruffling the boys hair, and lifting him up into the air, spinning him around before placing him back down to the ground. The adults smiled hearing the childs laughter and his pleading words to ‘do it again’ repeated endlessly. Rebecca grabbed Jon's hand and brought him over to the food table instead, and the kid's eyes widening as she asked him what he wanted to eat.

Cas and Dean moved around the room, the two of them glued to one another's side as they talked to everyone who had come to surprise him. Jodie and Donna hugged Dean tightly, both offering words of congratualtions and comfort that made Dean's heart swell. He rolled his eyes, pretending to be offended when Claire made a, not so quiet, comment about his age which had others around them chuckling too, but Dean couldn't keep the frown on his face for too long.

He moved forward and pulled Claire into a hug that she pretended to fight off before giving up and hugging the older man back, lightly punching his shoulder as they moved away, her hand falling back to hold Kaia's who was standing beside her. Both Kaia and Alex shared brief words and birthday wishes with Dean until the man spotted Charlie and excused himself to meet the red headed nerd who pulled him into a tight hug.

Stevie was next as she hugged Dean and thanked Cas for inviting them. Dean glanced to Cas who smiled offering an 'of course, thank you for coming' just as the doorbell to their house rang.

Without thinking, Dean shouts that he'll get it, pecking Cas on the lips and squeezing his side before removing himself from his hold as he makes truth on his words, moving toward the front door. His smile couldn't widen any further as he saw the figure before him,

"Hello Dean, happy birthday!" Jack chirpped happily.

“Hey kid, c’mon in.” Dean responded, opening the door wider and calling to his husband to show him who had arrived at the door.

Although Jack had insisted that he would be excluding himself from the story, to do what Chuck couldn't, Jack knew that his words wouldn't last. Not when it meant not seeing his family.

It started with the first Christmas of the Winchester's and their lovers being back together. By this point they were still using the bunker as their home until they could find their own respective houses closer to their friends.

Jack had been nervous to knock on the door, some part of him thinking that maybe he wasn't welcome here, but one smile from Sam and a hug barely seconds later, had diminished these thoughts quickly as Sam called for Dean to grab an extra plate, more family had arrived.

Jack shared hugs with everyone, the last being Cas who squeezed him tightly, pressing a kiss to his son’s head before saying they could catch up properly after dinner. Dean cut the turkey, and they all handed each other the many trays and bowls of food to fill their plates and stomachs.

They pulled Christmas crackers which Jack had snapped over from Britain, and wore colourful paper hats, laughing as Dean's ripped and someone made the comment of him having too big a head.

From there, Jack decided to spilt his duty between Heaven and Earth, making sure that everything was running smoothly up top while also spending time with his loved ones with every special occasion that came about, where he could, for once, be at peace and be a kid with his family.

As the years grew on, the brothers moved into a routine, making sure there was a spare room in both their houses just for Jack to stay in even though it wasn't necessary, but Jack liked that he had a place to go if he ever needed to think, or just be, for even a few moments.

He and Dean even went fishing together a few times every year, and Dean still gave Jack driving lessons although the use of a car wasn't needed for the young God anymore but he still appreciated the time spent alone with one of his father's.

The one time Dean asked Jack if he wanted to see a baseball game with him, the boy was more than delighted to attend, sitting by Dean's side as they ate hotdogs that were too big for their mouths. And even though Jack couldn't understand the rules of baseball, no matter how many times Dean tried and failed to explain them, Jack couldn't think of anywhere else he wanted to be.

Jack was a God, the creator of the new Heaven and protector of all the souls that entered, but he was also a son to his three fathers, a brother to Rebecca and Jon. He was an Angel, he was the son of Lucifer, but most importantly, he was a Winchester.

And when the time was right, and his family grew old, their lives ending in the most peaceful way possible, Jack remembered Cas' words of wisdom about humans; how even though Sam and Dean, and now Cas, were extraordinary, brave and special as humans, that's what they were, human.

And even though they burn bright like stars in the sky, time would be short and one day they would be gone from the earth. Jack was just lucky that even when they died he would be able to see them again, in heaven, with everyone else they loved and missed.

Peace on Earth and peace above, who would have thought it could ever be like this?

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espejonight28738 · 4 years

Text

15×09 "The Trap" Meta

Warning: As always, Destiel and Saileen positive so don't like don't read.

OMG guys I can't even this episode was something else. Like, for real.

First of all, it looks like I was right about Eileen being part of Chuck's plan.

"I helping to Sam the Bunker. To Sam. To Romance." Thanks Chuck for proving me right, but if you could please not hurt my baby Eileen and Sam while you do it would be awesome ;-;

Now if only I could be in the right about the happy ending...

But whatever. Let's talk about the prayer first, because I could talk about it for hours. Everything was so wonderful.

First, when Dean looks he only have 29 minutes left to find Cas, you could see all the trauma resourfaced. You could see how he was imagining ending up without Cas again. Having to go back home (although he didn't seem to be going to the portal when right before he found Cas, but I have no certainty about it) and leave Cas behind, and he imagined himself reliving the guilt and the hallucinations and the hopelessness.

[Gif by the amazing @agusvedder because I want you to look at him and tell me that ain't the look of a man who just imagined losing the love of his life again]

And, above all, Dean imagined having to live through it all knowing he never fixed their relationship. Rowena's words about not waiting until it was too late must have been ringing in his ears. And he knows that he needs Cas to know.

Purgatory's pureness gave him a new understanding of his emotions, and I'm not talking about the anger (it's obvious Dean already knew he had that problem), but the need for Cas.

"Cas, buddy, I need you." That same need, mixed with the possibility of losing Cas yet once again was enough for Dean to just break down in the middle of a land of abominations.

And the first thing he says. "I should've stopped you." Can you see how he is telling us we were right all along? Cas said "I left but you didn't stop me." And now Dean knows he could have.

If he had tried to talk, if he had asked Cas to stay, maybe he wouldn't have left. Dean put himself through that depression (the even heavier drinking, comfort food, the coldness) .

[And as an author note. How was that real? "You didn't stop me/I should've stop you" The Brontë sisters WISH they could write that levels of angsty romance.]

And, having Dean finally admitting to his very real anger issues gives me very high hopes for everything else. It's not like his problem will disappear, it does was kinda beaten into him, but having him admitting it is recognizing it as a standing problem between Dean and a Happy Future, so we can assume that will be another one of the problem they'll tackle in the rest of the season.

(Or maybe they'll forget about it. But s15 has been so good until now that I'm hoping they won't ignore it.)

And Dean calling Cas his best friends. Holy mother of God. I know I made several jokes about it, but it truly is so significant. Because words like "Family" and "Brother (and sister for Charlie)" are ones Dean had given other people. But Best Friend is only for Cas, it puts him in a special place in Dean's live no one else shares.

Maybe it's not exactly the place we want him to be in (yet), but the fact alone that they recognize once again how Dean and Cas' relationship is different to the one they have with anyone else.

So when did found Cas and said "Okay, Cas, I need to say something", I agree we wasn't about to repeat his prayer.

The Prayer (the fact that Dean got on his damn knees, for god's sake) was a moment of absolute vulnerability and emotion. Dean grew up in with a "no emotions" mentality tought to him by John, and so we seldom see him show this kind of raw vulnerability by choice. Considering that the Winchesters (as always, I include Jack and Cas in there) are an experts in 'I screw up and you got angry but then we had a bigger problem so we kinda left it behind us bc we are family and I love you anyway, or we just move on without never really discussing it' but not in actually apologizing, I would go as far as to say this was probably the most heartfelt apologize we've seen in the series.

I've watched the scene like a million times, and he just carries an attitude of doing something big. Like a big reveal, not like repiting himself.

Because he knew Cas heard him. The reason he said "I hope you can here me, that wherever you are, it's not too late" it's 'cause he was afraid Cas had died. That is was really too late. Once he saw Cas was alive? I don't think Dean doubted for a second Cas had heard him. He was hoing to say something else.

Cas clearly didn't want to take the risk of Dean telling him what he truly wanted to hear- what he had wanted for years. The risk of his deal with the Empty hovering behind hime. He couldn't be so selfish as allowing himself to hear it, just to abandon Dean right after.

Then Cas interrupted him.

Or abandoning Sam when he was at God's mercy, or leaving the World SavingTM to them. He couldn't. Dean doesn't even now about the deal.

I cannot tell you how much I loved it. Not in a "I want this to happen" way, of course not, but in what it means.

That's why Dabb said this episode wasn't the resolution. There's still much unsaid between them, if you believe there is an 'I love you' somewhere there. I think that's what has my hopes the highest. Because if they are only bff, then why didn't this solve everything? What is left hanging? I don't want to clown but it's literally the only thing that makes sense in my opinion.

And now, let's talk about the future Sam saw.

Sam and Dean don't need only each other to be happy, they need other people. That's basically what that future said.

"What's happened to you Dean? Ever since..."

"Ever since what? We lost pretty much everyone we ever cared about?"

[There is like a 2 second pause here that I feel very important andd significant. The separation between what 'everyone' and 'Cas']

"Ever since the Mark made Cas go crazy? Ever since I had to bury him in Ma'lak box? Ever since then? Yeah." [Jfc you can hear it pains him to say Cas' name]

"Bobby had a death wish and you know it. And Jody? Ever since what happened to Donna and the girls, she does too.

And after Eileen? So do you."

He's acknowledging everyone's breaking point. Jody's was Donna and the girls (we don't know exactly which one was the last straw, as we know that at least in Claire's case they died at different times). Sam's was Eileen. His was Cas.

And he is very clear in that. We can't know what happened first, but we know that Sam asks what happened to *him* and he says it was Cas going crazy. It was having to bury Cas alive what made him lose all hope. Because at least he can hope they ones dead can find pace, but Cas? Dean, and for how he said it he probably did it alone, had to bury Cas knowing he was going to be there for the rest of the time. Suffering alone. Dean knows how it's like to have the Mark.

That broke Dean. And having Sam wasn't enough to put him back together.

And after Eileen somehow died again, Sam just stop caring about living, he just care about taking down as many monsters as he can before he dies. 'Death wish' Dean called it. He would know about that, he is Dean "You wanna die" Winchester, after all.

Having Dean wasn't enough for Sam to want to keep on living.

"We lost, brother. We lost. I'm done."

They still have each other? Yes. Is that remotely enough? No. That's what the future told us. They need more than each other, they need other people.

But there was a little something else that made it even more beautiful.

"The Dean who raised me [...]"

Let's be clear about something, I think the show never gives enough recognition for having raised same pretty much by himself since he was 4 years. The situation was totally unfair to Dean and yet he never once took it out on Sam, he just look out for him, cooked for him, and make sure he could be as much of a child as the situation allowed, that is a lot more than Dean ever could. In his own words, he wasn't just a brother, he was also a father and a mother.

I just want to cry for thinking how hard that was for both brother. And Sam knows it, even if he doesn't always acknowledges. So the fact that he chose the words "the Dean that raised me" when "the Dean that I know", for example, would have conveyed the sentiment as well, is significant.

They wanted to remember how important they are for each other, how much they love each other. They don't dismiss that, they are making sure we remember that, at the same time they are telling us the alone aren't enough for a happy ending.

They are telling us what we need for a True Happy Ending.

Dean and Sam still being close brothers and loving each other, but allowing themselves to love and need other people.

Okay I'll go to the point.

A HAPPY ENDING IS SAM AND THEN HAVING OTHER PEOPLE IN THEIR LIVES WITHOUT LOSING EACH OTHER.

A HAPPY ENDING IS THE END OF THE TOXIC CODEPENDENCY AND THE START OF A HEALTHY RELATIONSHIP THAT INCLUDES THEIR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OTHER PEOPLE.

You guys now I've been saying they are hinting at it since my meta of "The Rupture" but this ain't foreshadowing THEY ARE SCREAMING IT. Like I can't come up with a radically different interpretation.

So this episode only got my hopes for endgame Saileen and Destiel (the destiel maybe not at canon as the saileen, but heavily hinted at least) even higher. Specially for the parallel with Eileen having Dean's doubts ("I don't know what's real") and Sam making kinda answering the same ("We are"/"I know that was real"). Btw I'll be screaming because of that for the rest of my days.

[BONUS: Random questions I can't seem to answer.

Does the angels even know God's going bersek? I mean, Belphegor didn't know it was God the one who broke hell... but even Lilith's been brought back. Do they know Micheal's back? God I don't know.

Was that really a possible future? Or it does was like a Zacharaiah tactic? Why does Chuck's abscence makes monster go crazy? Wasn't the point that it didn't unblanaced the powers?

Story-wise, why ain't Cas in next episode?

Was that the last mention of Claire? An off-screen hypotetical death? Please someome let me see my girl again.]

Tagging: @metafest @verobatto-angelxhunter @agusvedder @legendary-destiel @that-one-fandom-chick @studio-hatter

#supernatural meta #spn s15 #spn 15×09 #dean winchester meta #sam winchester meta #destiel meta #destiel #saileen #eileen leahy #castiel meta #my metas

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incarnateirony · 4 years

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Thank you for your posts about canon / text / subtext definitions. I do wonder about what makes it 'obvious' to some people that Sam and Eileen have slept together. What do they think about Cas knowing that Dean kept the Colt under his pillow? Or that he's an angry sleeper? That look and gesture Dean gave Cas when he went to have a shower after Michael's first exit? The time he told Sam that Cas had left much earlier in the morning, when he'd clearly just got up himself? I'm confused

I have a simple answer: het goggles.

And yes, LGBT people can have het goggles.

I’m gonna tell you a brief story I’ve posted about before – and someone in the meta community even took an ~offended~ tone about it afterward when they heard about it.

A long time ago, the Dean played in my group (by an LGBT man) and I got tired of backflipping around the gay. In our S13-equivalent plotline (which was divergent, it basically split separate track after Tombstone), our respective climb to the finale, we had an opportunity. We took it. Tada, DeanCas canon! It was obvious, right? We run a genre server, we don’t do private sexy times shit, and one of the most important elements to us was being nonperformative and true to the characters. We sent out our big gay flare signals in public over, of all things, a sacred marriage ceremony and then cut-to next-day, where they were sitting in the kitchen talking. We kept using dialogue we intended to make as obvious as fucking possible and yet we noticed it seemed to be whistling by people.

(allow me to scream into the void as an aside about it being a 7 episode crash course through an inverted alchemical set about carrying marks that Cas ended up bound into with Dean. FREE ME.)

I went to DM and asked him, should we like, tell everyone? But the decision was to NOT, because even the best RPers can let meta things influence them. We wanted character reactions to remain authentic.

For the entire next mytharc (S14-adjacent?) we just kept writing on. And on. And on. And maintained their relationship as public, but as *they* are, as people. An established relationship. We didn’t hide it. And it kept getting missed. We kept dialing up HOW front and center shit was.

I want you to keep in mind, this is a server so full of shippers and LGBT people and LGBT shippers that we have a “token straight.”

And they kept missing it. Because of how this fandom has trained them to dismiss content.

If you want an idea of how bold it was, we were DMing each other like HAHA THEY CANT MISS THIS ONE “BET”, like a challenge, or just deadass “They’re going to miss that canon Destiel mention right there.” slamming out post after post with textual elements over the old missed news. There was even a time Cas joked about reconciliatory seduction, but not being the best at it, so maybe bacon would be better at the moment, or something along those lines. I sat, smugly, waiting for everyone to realize OMG WHAT, I even went to the OOC “Waiting for you guys to kill me”

What did I get back? “LOL CAS SAID SEDUCTION AND I LAUGHED” “LOL THAT’S AWESOME”

… “Oh my god give me a minute.” I literally had to walk away from my computer, refill my vape, rub my face down for a minute and DM my Dean, going “WHAT THE FUCK”

Our DeanCas wasn’t lowkey. Hell, it wasn’t even subtext. Just their physical elements were private quarter things and their “I love yous” weren’t really strangled down to that three words, but how they say, or enact it, each in their own ways, every day.

We literally said, on repeat “oh my god this is what Bobo and Yockey’s DMs look like isn’t it” “Without a doubt tbh”

And I mean shit, there was literally a point that Michael Dean basically killed Cas (without actually kiilling him, it was the jumpscare) in Dean’s bedroom on Dean’s bed after being lured in to talk about some shit by actual-Dean who realized Cas was going off on a sacrificial crash course and he cuffed him down there. So that? Sure, that wasn’t sexy time bedcuffing. But when Michael got his hands on the archangel blade and it killed the angel (grace) not the host (soul), and Cas’ wing prints of his near death were all over the bedroom and everything was broken – when Dean decided to move out to the DeanCave, he took human Cas with him.

Awww isn’t that sweet!! He’s like!! Taking care of Cas during his Empty trauma! was the call. Me and Dean’s player sat there staring like

So we had them literally, for a fun crack day, GO SHOPPING FOR A NEW BED. TOGETHER. ONE BED. TESTING IT OUT AND TALKING IMPORTANT SHIT WHILE LAID OUT ON TOP OF IT AND EVERYTHING. YOU KNOW, LIKE BROS DO, SHARING BEDS AND TALKING PERSONAL ISSUES.

Everybody thought it was *hilarious*

And it wasn’t even just shit like this, we had entire mytharcs playing into it. We had structural callback elements to famous related scenes. We had villains and contagonists addressing them as the mytharc lovers. Everywhere you turned, in any way you can imagine, we were trying to paint this picture without just having them randomly start cuddling in front of everybody. Lines like “DAMNIT CAS, BEFORE WE STARTED THIS, I MADE YOU PROMISE TO NOT MAKE ME YOUR WHOLE WORLD, OR UNIVERSE OR WHATEVER” in raging explosions over crash course choices or whatever else. I can not say ENOUGh how much open textual writing we sprayed out, only for it to be dismissed, brushed over, or even laugh tracked off entirely.

By. LGBT people. And shippers.

And people are *so quick* to shut down content that the few things that *seemed* to run opposite were entirely taken to heart. Eg, at one point, only a few weeks after 1. DeanCas went canon 2. Dean became Dinkle and vanished to the wind, someone had their character start talking to Jack about types of love and that “Dean and Cas need to get their heads out of their ass”, etc, and then Jack sat confused and Jack got talked to about Dean and Cas being dumbasses that need their shit together.

So here comes Cas, wandering into the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee and he turns around to Jack GLARING at him and he’s basically like, what, and Jack explodes, as a child do, like “WHY DO YOU HAVE THE SEX WITH WOMEN WHEN YOUR HEAD SHOULD BE IN DEAN’S ASS” and Cas just fuckin DROPS his coffee cup and looks to the other person and is like “What did you tell him?!” but they took the resulting “WTF? WHAT ARE YOU TELLING MY SON?” as immediate complete total shut down (atop them clearly not realizing it already happened), rather than like, I just crawled my ass out of an alternate universe I was thrown into right after getting married and losing him and what the hell are you telling my 1 year old son about his dads when one might not come back and why the fuck does he think i’m sleeping with women

Eventually, I snapped. We ended up with a finale of facing Chuck (albeit totally different terms/conditions/location/etc) and yes, even a truth spell, so I went out of my way – and Sam’s player, who is my wife, and was the one person to really figure this out herself because she knows my writing for one and for two I’m the one that personally shattered her het goggles SO SHE KNOWS – went out of their way, and we lined it up exactly right for all the things to come together to hear Sam explode on Dean about just being honest about being in love with an angel and I just – slightly tweaking the usual character voice I’d use to free myself of this gay purgatory, had Cas go “Yes, I know. He told me a year ago.”

The whole goddamn chat: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?

Finally, fucking FINALLY, something broke through to everyone, with us literally warping and bending situations and character voices just to be like RELEASE ME

– but when one of the big name meta bloggers got told about this? They were like “Aren’t you mad? Don’t you want more visible representation???” to which I was like IDK MAN I WAS FOLLOWING THE REPRESENTATION LEAD OF THE GAY DUDE IN MY SERVER SO ASK HIM? WE WERE TRYING TO REPRESENT PEOPLE JUST WEREN’T SOAKING IT???? IDK??? WHAT DO YOU WANT

Everyone actually in the server took it really well, “heteronormativity is a hell of a drug” was one of the catch phrases for a while. People went back and sat, kinda embarrassed, reading over a goddamn season worth of canon Destiel and kicking themselves like, how did I miss this? How did I straightsplain this? What the fuck?????

So yeah. Heteronormativity is the biggest culprit and, in many cases, the second is the lack of willingness to introspect and reflect because if they’ve been ~wrong~ then… something. I don’t know what exactly goes through their head. But something.

I’ll add the video I made after 14.20 aired which made some material about Chuck available for it, to “Rat in a Cage” (rats in a maze S15 launch me into SPACE), but that sign over DeanCas? That’s the mark of Venus.

youtube

#supernatural #spn #meta #my meta #heteronormativity #destiel

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mittensmorgul · 3 years

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Today on the TNT loop... 12.23 and 13.01 (so far, it’s early and we’re going through 13.04 today). So I’m deep in the Grief Arc feels.

But again, it all hits different now. Yes, I’ve rewatched these since 15.20 aired, this is my second pass through the loop since then. But with a bit of emotional distance from that mess, there’s interesting stuff here.

Looking at the finale, at what Jack would become, at how that ties in with themes of Faith versus Free Will... it’s like this was the point where Chuck finally weaponized free will against them, where their choices would play into his story rather than fight against it. No wonder Dean was so angry after this point.

No wonder Chuck abandoned them, refused to answer Dean’s prayer to bring Cas back. Cas wasn’t SUPPOSED to come back. Chuck finally got him out of the way, and it was literally Dean’s grief unwittingly channeled through Jack’s power that woke him up again and gave him the tools to fight his way back. The fact Cas never KNEW this is still one of those things that I will scream forever about.

(In every way that actually mattered, Dean was silenced)

But in today’s viewing, I’m mostly screaming about the “drunk angel” Miriam and her vendetta against Becky.

DRUNK WOMAN: Whoa. What happened to you hand?

DEAN: Nothin’.

DRUNK WOMAN: Doesn’t look like nothing. You punch a wall or something? I punched a wall once. Well, a poster on a wall, but same diff, right? Freshman year, I had this roommate, Becky. She had this giant poster of Elsa. You know, from “Frozen”? And I mean, first, who brings something like that to college? A cartoon? Really? Like, “hello homeschool,” right?

[As she is talking, Drunk Woman is writing something in the dust of the Impala’s passenger side window, and Dean removes a bottle of whisky from the trunk. He takes a swallow and then pours some over his bloody knuckles]

DEAN: You done?

DRUNK WOMAN: Anyway, Becky was - and I say this in the most feminist, screw the patriarchy way - a giant superbitch. She’d take things, and break things, and piss people off, and just do whatever she wanted, no matter who it hurt.

[Dean is making please stop talking faces at her but she is oblivious]

DRUNK WOMAN: It’s like the whole world was just Becky to her, you know?

DEAN: Mmm. So you punched her poster.

DRUNK WOMAN: And lit most of her stuff on fire.

[Dean gives her a look]

DRUNK WOMAN: I got issues.

[...]

[As the Impala pulls away, you can see Drunk Woman has written “BITCH” in the dust on the window.]

So, we have this invented story about a woman named Becky. But after s15, we KNOW how much control Chuck has over the story, and especially of certain characters-- like demons and angels. This is why he was so infuriated that he couldn’t just control Castiel. We saw him DIRECTLY insert Lilith back into the story in 15.05, limiting her power to ONLY follow his “script.” To the point she was entirely self-aware of this and her place in the story, and the fact that she was essentially just a character in the story without free will.

And I kinda wonder how much Miriam functions in the exact same way-- the way Chuck has implied that ALL angels are expected to function.

MIRIAM: Okay. If she shoots you. (Sheriff Barker looks to Dean in confusion) I don't know what he's told you. I mean, I can guess. Some line about how he and his brother... (deepens voice) save the world. Grr. So macho. (she sighs and speaks in her normal voice) But really, he's not a hero. He's Becky. DEAN: Becky? The roommate Becky? MIRIAM: You take things and break things and piss people off, and just do whatever you want, no matter who it hurts. Also, you're a giant super bitch. DEAN: Well, it takes one to know one. MIRIAM: So, yeah, you're Becky, and Becky needs to die. You're on, Barney Fife.

Yes... she says Dean is “Becky,” this Becky that breaks things and who saw the whole world as Becky... Though... her understanding of how free will works in this context really does sound twisted and tainted by Chuck’s perspective on his own “disobedient” characters. Because to Chuck, the story is the most important thing, it’s the only thing, and it’s entirely his own creation.

No wonder creating human souls made him feel a little queasy... and I’m still not sure that was something he actually did on purpose, especially with the free will bit included in the package. Because from the moment free will existed, Chuck began to lose control of the story of creation. People could choose to tell their OWN stories, better stories than the one Chuck created the universe to tell in the first place. Humanity makes things better, bigger than Chuck could imagine, through the power of love that Chuck could never invent for himself or understand for himself. Or even possibly FEEL for himself.

And who was his original human pawn in the story, way back in 5.01? Becky. Becky who took HIS story and “broke” it and pissed him off, doing whatever she wanted no matter who it hurt (even if it was only Him as the Original Author getting precious about his story). But as we saw in 15.04, Becky refused to just take his story as he dished it out. She went out and made her own life, reimagined the Story of Supernatural as something better than it was-- filed with life and humanity and love. She stopped idolizing HIM as the creator and saw it as HER story now too, the version she was passionate about, the version that brought HER joy.

And what did Chuck do to her? Like Miriam, he “punched her cartoon poster” and then burned most of her stuff. Because Becky had the audacity to take the story she’d been written into and make it her own. She refused to “obey” the story Chuck wanted to tell. And he saw her story as infantile and uninteresting. Because he couldn’t just let it go... like Elsa... lol.

And what Chuck can’t control, he tends to destroy, like Miriam did in this episode. Only... Miriam failed too. Sure, it was only one battle in the long war of Free Will versus The Story, but it was the opening note in this section of the story which was supposed to be about Humanity and Free Will finally triumphing over the story to free themselves from it.

The story itself was telling humanity to hold on, to keep telling OUR version of the story, because that was how to defeat the story itself. Human love and choice and will as something BETTER than the story Chuck wanted to tell. Not just handing it off to someone who has been built into the perfect vessel to carry on his story, but literally allowing humanity to be free from the narrative Chuck spent all of creation trying to build for them. And that freedom was literally built upon the very human love embodied in Dean Winchester (and learned by Castiel to the point it changed him and freed him from Chuck’s control). Cas deserved to come back. Jack deserved to be freed from his destiny. Billie deserved better than being manipulated and villainized by Chuck’s final chapter. Eileen deserved the freedom to choose her own happiness. Sam deserved a chance to do the same. Dean deserved to live, and to have a chance to tell Cas he feels exactly the same way about him. And that’s the tip of the iceberg of what everyone deserved.

(they deserved to not be “burned” for their audacity to want something more than what Chuck thought they deserved)

They deserved to hang up their Frozen posters without some self-righteous bitch judging them for it, and to live their lives how THEY wanted to, rather than how Chuck thought they should for his own egotistical self-justification.

Chuck said way back in s11 that he wanted to create the universe to make something better than just him and Amara, and everything after that point reads like he was pissed off at the fact that humanity went out and actually DID grow to be better than him, in every way possible. Sure, we fuck up, we make mistakes, and some of us are actively malicious and terrible people. But... overall? We try. We keep trying to be better, to love more, to choose the right thing... to do our best in a world where it’s far too easy to do our worst, to take a few words from Cas.

And it just hurts my heart to know what we COULD have had if Chuck didn’t actually win.

#spn 13.01 #spn 15.20 #spn 15.04 #chuck's process #spiders georg of the tnt loop #that's what free will is

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neven-ebrez · 4 years

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1/2 Hello, always thank you for the reasonable posts! I just wanted to ask though if you also think that Dean and Cas are 'both' at faults and they 'both' need to be better? Cause I personally don't see what Cas has done wrong. Dean and Sam both knew about Jack's states, Sam stated that to Dean himself. And I also see opinions about how Cas is going behind the brothers back by not telling them about the empty deal he made and I feel like I missed something

½ cause it’s cas’s choice and has nothing to do with the brothers. Could you share your thoughts?

—

Hi there! Fair warning but this is long. Because apparently I’m just frustrated and angry enough about the comprehension fail of some fans here and I love Cas enough to go on this rant. With Dean and Cas I’m not talking about doing wrong necessarily in the moral sense but more in the narrative (drama creating) sense. It’s about an interesting story, yeah?

In that one previous post with Dean and Cas’ issues I was not talking specifically about 14B til now. I’m talking about the history of how they interact with one another going all the way back to Cas refusing to tell Dean about everything with Raphael in S6 (the show revisits the Leviathan mistake in 15x03 with Belphegor trying to take in Hell souls to transform into God so this isn’t something the show has forgotten either since Chuck is still mentioning Leviathan as recently as two episodes ago) and recently emphasized by Dean not explaining to Cas in S13 what Cas’ death did to him. These two keep secrets from one another, perpetually. The biggest of which are heart secrets. The moment where Dean was raking leaves (fuck my whole life), Cas was right there, he could have figured things out with Dean, but instead Cas turned and went the other way in an effort to give Dean peace.

Cas serves Dean, from the moment he rebelled Cas started treated Dean like his new God. As an angel he’s quite literally built to serve “God”, both as a warrior and guardian, so much of that is in his “programming”. And angels aren’t meant to focus that devotion on one human, to filter that devotion in a human way while staying on Earth. As Dean laments in S6, it breaks them (and Dean’s ultimately wrong here, but his mindset here is important, even as S12 sees it start to change). 12x10 touches on this extensively as well with Ishim when we see his obsession with Lily and how it destroyed both of their lives. It’s learning to love PROPERLY without children suffering for it but I’M GETTING THERE! We see this issue displayed predominantly in Jack, product of a human and angel, as we are meant to question whether such a union is possible and, in fact, best. All this is more Destiel-ish but I don’t think you can talk about this subject without Destiel at this point. So here we are: Cas’ “MISTAKES”.

Back in 6x20 we see the root of the relationship’s communication problem. We see it develop and stagnate as the show faces infinite renewal. And it all boils down to Cas wanting to stay with Dean (“Most of the time I’d rather be here” and all), but feeling like if he does then he’ll be bringing all of Heaven’s/God’s problems with him to Dean. He sees Dean’s fated involvement (past and present) as unfair and so he tries to bring Dean peace and to keep all that stuff away from him as much as possible. But back then Cas didn’t know Dean as well as he does now. Cas liked an idea of Dean. That’s why he got so angry in 5x18 and beat the shit out of him in that alleyway. Cas does know Dean now tho. Things are very different, but somewhat the same as far as devotion goes. It’s faith and it’s love. Cas has always acted with Dean’s best interests at heart rather than maybe a situation’s best interest. Even solving Heaven’s problems later in S9 just became, for Cas, simply a way to make up for his actions in S6 and to STILL get angels in a place where he could again try and stay with Dean. If Cas is alive he’ll always try to both stay with Dean and to make up for the situation he feels he caused trying to do this the first time in S6.

That’s what all this has been about. Cas finding a way to stay beside Dean, but not at the expense it caused in S6. Somewhere along the way in S8 in Purgatory the guilt over how he burned everything he’s ever known for this slowly began to eat away at him, make him depressed to the point where he’s instead just happy now to die making Dean happy. Cas decided to sentence himself to his own personal Hell when he let go of Dean’s hand at the purgatory portal. How could he be allowed to be happy with Dean when so many of his kind, so many others, had to die for it? And the solution eluded Cas until… Jack. Cas’ “mistakes” against others (the biggest being the slaughter of most of his kind by his own hand) are rooted in his frustrations over being unable to simply stay with Dean (helping Dean vs helping others). And now we speed up to Jack era and S14/S15. Cas now sees Jack as his new God. He’s sees Jack as the way to make him staying with Dean happen without the cost Cas has previously paid. Cas thinks Jack will lead the Winchesters and humanity to a better world. Jack is literally the solution to all Cas’ problems in Cas’ mind. He sees the path with Jack as a union of the two things that have systematically driven his depression: choosing Dean’s happiness/life or the happiness/lives of others. Because given the choice Cas will choose Dean’s happiness over the world but with Jack Cas feels he doesn’t have to choose anymore. So Cas no longer sees Dean as his God to serve. Dean no longer creates the “problem” as well as functions as the “solution”. That gets to be Jack. But Cas still wants to be with him, wants Dean happy. This is plain when Cas puts himself between Dean and Jack in 14x20.

I think there’s a lesson here, in how you are not suppose to treat your children as something for yourself. John didn’t learn that. Chuck hasn’t learned that. Neither have Dean and Cas. Just look at the parents of Billy in 15x04. You can’t use your kids like that. It’s a hard lesson. It’s one of S15’s ultimate lesson tho I believe. It’s how Chuck will let go of the Winchesters (his children), in time. So yes. This is Cas’ biggest mistake with Jack. It’s what he’s ultimately “done wrong”. I’m off topic tho. I know. You’ve asked me about Dean and Cas’ recent issues and how they need to communicate better essentially. I can’t not talk about one without talking about the history here tho.

The Dean stans mad at Cas over what he’s done in the name of Dean’s own happiness just don’t care about seeing any of this, none of their complicated history together, as 4x22 and Cas’ decision to rebel for Dean specifically literally led to all this, everything that follows. This is what Sam’s S15 visions reveal (the importance of Cas reveling, being with them both), though not yet clearly defined in so many words (likely eventually by Sam). It’s like Dean stans and Cas haters see Dean and Cas in competition for a narrative arc or Sam’s place or something. This is the problem when you can’t value what the show values: found family. Family don’t end in blood. Maybe it needs to be put on some more merchandise or something because FUCKING HELL.

*takes a calming breath*

Dean and Cas are essentially the same damn person. They were raised under the same crappy absent father and fight their respective “programming” in order to find who they both are underneath when given a choice. And who they both are is in conflict against what God has decided they should both be (though God’s focus is more on Dean rather than Cas, with God having written off all the angels awhile ago). And so S15 brings us exactly here, to the nature of how Dean and Cas function to one another, want one another in the other’s lives and how they both need to explain this to one another clearly without bringing in anyone else (Sam or Jack) into their words to one another. And moreso, how it’s not just Dean and Cas together that produces a new world, but how Sam is also essential to this. 5x04 showed us what happens if Sam doesn’t stay. Remove Sam, Dean or Cas from one another and it all (a happy ending) falls apart. Jack is different because of Cas’ mistake in how he views him as glue to Dean (which isn’t Cas’ whole view but irrelevant). Removing Jack, and pulling Sam into a place of understanding concerning Dean and Cas, the shows forces Dean and Cas to ask themselves what they want from one another without the both of them there. Not that they have to live in a world like that necessarily, obviously, but it’s asking them to consider what their little world together would be like. Cas doesn’t see how he can stay under the baggage of his mistakes without the future Jack promises. Like in S8, he leaves Dean. This is where they will be forced to “do better” and express this desire to stay with each other without dragging poor Jack (or Sam) into the mix, without dragging anything else into the mix.

Dean and Cas refusing to admit why they want to stay with each other has lead to so many conflicts with other things, namely Heaven with Cas and what Dean did in 9x01 with Sam. In Carver era this is how the show begins to craft itself, showing how these three lives are forever connected, producing great misery when communication completely fails. Dean does drastic things to Sam to keep him with him whenever Cas leaves him. It used to be Dean only needed Sam and did drastic things to keep Sam with him because of John’s conditioning. Carver era changed that, structurally. Now, in Cas, it’s framed so that Dean has found a kindred spirit, one which would theoretically allow him to let Sam go if only Cas stayed with him. Because that was the ending Carver era was seemingly going for, or at least seriously considered. The child must be let go. Instead of Sam now, it feels like it is Jack (because Sam’s “call to action” in S15 is being framed more as he is an essential part of Dean and Cas reconciling). Both Jack and Sam have been in the child role to both Dean and Cas respectively at different points. And SPN has churned out 9 more seasons of drama based on these dynamics, this goal (sacrificing Sam) and lack of clear communication since S6. Having ran through as much as they feasibly could before Jack, Jack was created, essentially, to sustain these problems until we reached the end with the ultimate lesson that open communication literally solves everything. And also… he creates a situation where Sam doesn’t need to be sacrificed (but still could).

Not discussing the show structurally, and instead in a more character based psychological way, concerning Jack specifically TFW all knew his power and how living with him was always a risk. They each claimed Jack and undertook the risk, because they all saw themselves in Jack in some way and so decided since they all turned out okay then so would Jack. Because choices matter, the desire to be better, to fight for better, matters. Jack came into their lives and they rolled with it. All of TFW made that “mistake” taking in Jack. It’s not just on Cas and Sam spells that out to Dean and the audience quite clearly. Comprehension fails such as hating Cas on other fan’s part is something I feel S15 is trying very hard to point out. S15 discusses the narrative’s literal elements. It forces comprehension in a way that puts these fans that hate whatever character out of TFW in the wrong. You like Dean and Cas but want Sam gone? You’re in the wrong according to the show. Same thing for fans that want Sam and Dean together and for Cas to stay dead. With S15 the show is telling you to GET FUCKED but like… politely and for now, only visually, lol.

As far as the Empty deal goes (are Dean stans seriously mad Cas hasn’t told Dean?), the show IMO couldn’t outline Cas’ depression even harder if it fucking tried. But apparently for them they need to try harder? I just can’t with this. What an insult to writers which have handled this particular storyline with the utmost care. OH BOY. Part of outlining the EXACT problem here is that part of the solution is with it so instead they’ve just gone as far as they can instead. 13x04 was as far as they could fucking go with TIPTOEING around (the tulips with) this thing between Dean and Cas that is keeping Cas miserable and wishing for death in service of some other happiness for Dean (as if it ACTUALLY exists without Cas, it doesn’t). Cas has made peace with never telling Dean he’s in love with him. Before he was given a choice Cas was happy to simply remove himself from the equation (14x08) and leave Jack to bring Dean happiness without him. Because AGAIN! Communication! Cas getting taken by the Empty isn’t going to cause anything horrible to happen to the world (on a global scale). He’s just gonna be gone. Are Dean stans really saying, essentially, “How dare Cas not try to stay as tool for Dean”?? Like… what??? I honestly stopped reading people with this level of reading comprehension fail a long time ago and just started ignoring them for the lost causes they are. Telling Dean about the Empty deal would force Dean to reveal himself one way or another. And as I’ve just said, in perpetuity this is the storyline conflict that has kept SPN going for many years now. It’s something Cas wants to avoid as long as possible because he’s so in love that he’ll keep himself miserable and in suspense because being miserable with Dean is still him physically with Dean. Once Dean knows they’d have to face the truth together, whatever that is. That’s the only thing not telling Dean about the deal prevents. Some people just see it as Cas keeping more secrets but it’s not like what secrets were like in S6. The only one Cas would be effecting (to HIM, in HIS MIND) is himself. And what he can do for Dean versus what Cas sees Jack being able to accomplish for Dean? Well to Cas that’s no contest. Because he’s long made peace with being Dean’s tool because he doesn’t think he could ever be someone Dean chooses to love and keep for no reason other than Dean wants him with him. Cas being able to stop seeing him and Jack as tools is essential to whatever comes next. It’s an explanation, a comprehension problem left to Dean then later, concerning how Cas sees Jack, to Cas.

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