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quotesthatgotmehelpless · 3 years

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Sorry for the late review but seeing Dear Evan Hansen as a movie was so freaking exciting and I was in the “THIS IS THE BEST THING THAT HAS EVER HAPPENED TO ME EVERYTHING ABOUT IT IS SO PERFECT” mood.

But after taking a few days to reflect and get out of that hyped mood I am ready to roast as much as praise so let’s get into it

Also I actually had planned to take notes as I was watching it so I don’t forget what to share on my review but I was too busy eating my chocolate and crying so this is what you get

Warning: It’s a bit long and I’ll make a “keep reading” for the parts with spoilers so don’t worry!

Okay first of all movie Connor was my least favorite Connor and it’s not because of Colton Ryan, I love him so very much.

The thing is that in the musical Connor was kind of like an iceberg. He gave off the vibe that there was more to him beneath the surface that you can’t quite see. In the book, they elaborated that (by introducing Miguel) and showed us what Connor’s really like underneath. But it felt like in the movie they took that from him and he was just more stereotypical, all the depth of his character was kind of gone and I didn’t like it. (Again, it’s just how the movie made me feel. I just didn’t get the same energy from Connor that I always do)

And Kaitlyn Dever, she was EXACTLY how I imagined Zoe Murphy. I literally have nothing to say, she was simply outstanding and has an amazing voice.

And I already knew Nik Dodani was going to be an amazing Jared from his former role in Atypical. (Zahid and Jared together would be unstoppable and the most chaotic duo)

His Jared was definitely different than the musical, but not in a bad way. My only disappointment about him was not seeing him more in the movie. Which I really want to scream more about but can’t without spoiling a few things so I’m going to save my ranting for the part with spoilers.

I think all the adults (Heidi, Cynthia and Larry) were amazing and so well-done. I just wish Larry wasn’t Connor’s step dad because it adds up to my first point, stereotypicality. Problems between children and their step parents are more likely to be seen. Larry and Connor’s relationship was a great example of how every father-son can’t connect or can have trouble connecting with each other. Larry didn’t have to become a step father for that purpose.

And “Good For You”. It was a song that definitely shouldn’t have been cut. With how the events were unfolding and the dynamic of the movie, it would fit in perfectly and I really felt its absence.

And for Ben Platt, his performance was beyond amazing as always, he also made me cry several times, no surprises there. And the whole age situation didn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. Like he didn’t completely blend in, but he also didn’t stand out at a disturbing level.

AMANDLA STENBERG- How did I come this far without mentioning her she was literally one of my favorites. Alana’s personality was also a bit different than the musical but by all means not in a bad way. I actually liked the changes and the song they gave to her.

I’m only a little pissed about how Jared didn’t get treated the same way as Alana. Alana wasn’t just the smart girl just like Jared wasn’t just the funny guy. They enhanced Alana’s backstory and gave her a song to explain her character better. WHY ON EARTH DIDN’T JARED GET THE SAME THINGS WE WILL NEVER KNOW. (okay maybe I’m more than a little pissed)

Overall, the events mostly followed the musical and the songs were mostly the same as the musical, it was all so similar and yet so different at the same time.

It was quite an ~experience~

If you’ve read this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read my ranting and let me know what you think!

And now, even more rambling, but with spoilers!

OKAY LET’S TALK ABOUT THE ENDING.

I was so happy to see they included the part from the book where Evan tried to get to know the real Connor and read his favorite books.

After seeing that, I was really hopeful Miguel would come too, but he didn’t. And I truly don’t understand why. They could have made Miguel the guy who sent Evan the video of Connor. They also could have added the line from the book to the email where Miguel said:

“Connor, he was just... I’ve never met someone like that. That innocent. That pure. Sometimes I think maybe he was too pure... for all this.”

And people would be like, “that doesn’t sound like the Connor that was described throughout the movie”, “who the fuck is this guy anyway”, “how does he know Connor so well”

And they would be like, “oh, so you want to know more? we have a book that explains it all! why don’t you buy it?”

See, quite simple and beneficial for everyone.

Other than the fact that it was missing Miguel, I loved the ending, seeing that video of Connor really made me tear up.

Moving on, let’s talk about JARED KLEINMAN/KALWANI

Why did they cut the heated argument between the two family best friends?

Where was “FUCK YOU EVAN, ASSHOLE” ???

I mean at least Jared didn’t disappear completely like he did in the musical but also they literally hugged and took a graduation photo at the end like nothing happened. A little apology scene wouldn’t have hurt anyone. And a little song for Jared wouldn’t have hurt anyone too.

Moving on, let’s talk about two little changes before I finally shut up.

First one is when Connor said, “That’s the saddest fucking shit I've ever heard.” After that scene I thought maybe none of the characters are cursing but then Zoe said “No fucking way!” or something like that. So why didn’t they let Connor curse?

And the second one is when Zoe came to Evan’s house and they didn’t make out on her dead brother’s bed. 10/10 arrangement.

Again, if you’ve read this far, thank you so much for taking the time to read my ranting and let me know what you think!

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takemebacktowheniwassane · 3 years

Conversation

Part 13!

Evan: Fight me!

Jared, behind him, holding a knife: *Mouths* Do not.

Connor: I desire moisture.

Zoe: Just say 'I want water' like a normal human being.

Connor, to Jared: Stop calling yourself hot. The only thing you can turn on is the microwave.

Evan: What goes up but never comes down?

Jared: The amount of stress you bring me daily.

Miguel: How would you like your coffee?

Connor: As dark, and as bitter as my soul.

Miguel: Got it, one cup of milk with extra sugar coming right up!

Connor: I could kill you if I wanted.

Jared: Oh yeah? So could any other human being.

Jared: So could a dog.

Jared: So could a dedicated duck.

Connor:

Jared: Your not special.

Jared: How the hell are you still alive?

Evan: Honestly, I am just as confused as you are.

Jared: *Pulls back the curtain while Evan is showering*

Jared: Did we-- Evan, stop screaming, it's just me. --Did we run out of cheerios?

Larry: So what are your political beliefs?

Heidi, trying to sound like she knows what she's doing: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

Connor: Stop failing!

Evan: Don't tell me what to do! I'll fail right now!

Evan: *Succeeds*

Evan: Dang it!

Evan: I am a responsible adult!

Jared: *Raises brow*

Evan: I am an adult.

Jared: That's much more accurate.

Connor: My ultimate goal is to punch God in the eye, just to spite him one last time.

Jared, trying to impress Evan: I re-initialized the entire command structure, retaining all programmed abilities, but deleting the supplementary preference architecture.

Zoe: He turned it off, and then turned it back on again.

Evan: So, Jared is no longer aloud to take the trash out at night.

Alana: Why?

Evan: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.

Jared, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

Zoe: You are irrationally angry 365 days a year.

Connor: Well, that's just your personal opinion. I don't have anger issues. Do you guys think that I have anger issues?

Jared: Well, you see, I wouldn't call them 'issues'.

Jared: Issues are something you can fix.

Evan: My dad's name is just mine as well, so technically I'm just Mark Jr.

Jared: But who comes up when you look up 'Mark Evan Hansen' on google?

Alana: That's what I thought!

Jared: One Mark to rule them all!

Jared: Hello, it is I, your favorite person.

Evan: Oh actually, Zoe's my favorite person.

Jared, annoyed but holding it in: Okay, then.

Jared: It is I,

Jared: That bitch.

Alana: What's it like being tall?

Zoe: Is it nice?

Miguel: Can you reach comfortably for the cupboards?

Evan: We live in constant fear of the short ones, who, in my experience, will climb 4 chairs, 2 boxes, a small coffee table, and 6 oddly placed stools to get what they want.

Jared: It was ONE time!

Alana, who just won Evan at armwrestling: I am strong! I beat Evan at armwrestling!

Connor, who has beaten Evan at armwrestling at least 7 separate times: Anyone can beat Evan at armwrestling.

Evan, who really just lets everyone win at armwrestling to be nice: Hey-

Miguel: Connor's gonna kill me.

Zoe: No, he'll probably just make me do it.

Evan: We can't tell you because your not a member of the club!

Jared: What club?

Connor: The Hating Jared Kleinman Club.

Jared: What the fuck? I should be the president of that club!

Alana: The clock is ticking! We don't have time for this asinine tomfoolery!

Jared: The unmitigated poppycock?

Zoe: Extravagant hogwash!

Evan: Okay, stop.

Evan: How do you tell someone that you want to have sex with them in a polite way?

Connor: Excuse me Mr, would you give me the honour of indulging in sexual activity with you?

Jared: What the fuck is wrong with you two?

Jared: *Speaking Spanish*

Evan: I know, I know.

Alana: You speak Spanish?

Evan: No. I just know the phrase 'this is all your fault' in every language Jared speaks.

Zoe: The ritual. To perform it requires a sacrifice.

Connor: Sacrifice? I nominate Jared.

Jared: Wait, what?

Connor: Because you're little, you'll fit on a barbecue.

Jared: I'm 5'9, it's like average height in most of the world!

Evan: It's not that kind of of sacrifice guys!

Zoe: Connor won't wake up, what do I do?!

Jared: Did you try kicking him??

Zoe: Yes!

Jared: Then I'm out of ideas.

Evan: I asked Zoe out.

Jared: Oh, I'm sorry.

Evan: Why?

Jared: I just assumed she said no.

Evan: No actually, she said yes.

Jared: Oh.

Jared: Then I'm sorry for her.

Evan: It’s impossible to make a sentence without using the letter a.

Alana: Despite your thinking, it is quite possible, yet difficult, to form one without the specific letter. Here’s one more to further disprove your theory.

Jared: Fuck you.

Jared: Zoe, I know you love Evan. I mean, we all do, he's a very nice person and I totally respect him deep down.

Jared: But I think he might be a fucking idiot.

Zoe: How high are you?

Connor: Hm, I don't know how to say it in feet.

Evan: No, she's asking you about what drugs your on.

Connor: Oh, antidepressants, why?

Evan: Connor gave me a Get Well Soon card.

Alana: Awhh, that's nice of him.

Evan: I wasn't sick, he just thought that I could do better.

Evan: Hey Jared, Connor just broke my seashell lamp,

Jared: Neat, I'm gonna die alone.

Evan:

Evan: Okay, you win.

[During the 'Evan using everyone and being a fucking asshole' segment]

Alana: You really believe in Evan?

Jared, annoyed: Luckily, he believes in himself enough for both of us.

Heidi: You don't need my blessing to go kiss Evan. In fact, I was pretty sure you were already kissing Evan!

Jared: Nope.

Heidi: In that case, as the archbishop of Jared's fully awakened gaydom, I give you my blessing to immediately leave and rectify that as soon as possible! Go now, my child, and kiss Evan right on the lips!!!

Connor: Go. Let it out. Cry, Evan. If you don't, your tear ducts will get blocked up, and then when you get old, you won't be able to cry.

Alana: Just when we thought it was safe to add you back into the conversation.

#deh dearevanhansen dehevanhansen dehjaredkleinman dehmiguel dehconnormurphy dehzoemurphy dehalanabeck dehheidihansen conguel #kleinsen #dehlarrymurphy

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fureliselost · 3 years

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I wrote a few things about the Sticky Wall Parents AU :)) it's a little messy because I didn't really organize my thoughts at all, I just wrote as I went

(I now realized that I wrote a lot holy fuck)

- Post-canon - Sticky wall in Assault On Abysus which guarded the lab from the OG Nanite Project is Violeta and Rafael Salazar - and possibly an unknown third scientist that got caught up in the explosion - Rex cures all EVOs in the world = parents are cured - Parents are probably hungry (6 years w/out food has gotta be hard) - And naked - And disoriented, but that is a must.... man they in for a surprise - So they probably go into a coma after waking up, yikes - Alternative of VK finding them and taking them hostage or smth since he escaped on the finale IDK

- OR he does find them but Breach gets them to Providence because Breach is tired of VKs shit and Rex is her fren - bruh, the shock. I mean, César got into the weird pod thing, and the thingy only let 15 minutes pass for him while over 5 years passed for the rest of the world. So he actually has aged less than a year and looks pretty much the same - But Rex...... man, Rex is not only older and now a former GOD, but he also has no memory of them (aside from the few flashbacks we see him having of them) -- he did say in the finale that he remembered "everything", but he didn't specify if "everything" is *everything* or just the memories since the last blackout, so I'm going with the latter - like "who are you?", "well, I was hoping you'd tell me, because, you see, I have amnesia, and César is terrible at actually telling me anything substantial about myself" - man, I imagine rex just chilling with his friends after the finale because he literally cured the entire human race (for now, at least) and he deserves to chill and then, like, Six (because I think Holiday would occupied w the matter at hand and César would either be tending to it as well or just staring in shock) would be like "yeah, you need to come w me", "dude, it's literally been a day since I saved the world, what could you possibly need me for?" silence "what? is someone dying or something?!" longer silence, "......the opposite actually" to which Rex is like "right, ok, IG I'll go with you. I mean, last time someone came back to life, it was VK and that was a pain in the butt" - ALSO I imagine their reaction to VK being a bit like César's. Like, "huh, that guy's still around" and "ugh, that freaking poser" - Rex arriving at where his parents are and looking at them and looking at César and being like "CÉSAR DID YOU BRING THEM BACK FROM THE DEAD" - (when, in reality, technically, it was Rex himself who did) - Y'all know what, I'm making Rex have flashbacks and PLENTY of headaches caused by the flashbacks because I'm mean - soooooooooooooooooooo I was thinking about how their parents would take the fact that Rex has been unofficially adopted by Six and Holiday and the first thing that sprung into my mind was that scene from Dear Evan Hansen where Evan's mother is talking to him after the dinner with the Murphy's (in which they offered to pay for Evan's tuition with what was supposed to be their dead son's tuition money) and she's like "They're not your parents! And *mocking tone* they're not your family!" - Like, they wouldn't do it to be mean (Heidi wasn't doing that to be mean in DEH, even if it turned out to be a mean thing to say, she wanted to wake Evan up to the reality that he was fitting into a life that wasn't his while trying to ignore his problems). I think there would be a point where one of them just wouldn't be able to take it anymore: seeing their son living an entire different life that they had no option in being a part of (not to mention that César and Rex would probably be two of a very little number of things they still had from their old lives, so that piles on top of having to adjust) and there's these people that he considers more his family than his blood family - and, dudes, Rex would be so awkward because on one hand he knows to some degree how they feel about being displaced, but, on the other hand, *bcause* he knows, he's even more awkward, because he knows that he couldn't be the person they expected even if he didn't have amnesia and he has absolutely zero idea what to do - i mean, Rex doesn't even know them, but he wants them to be proud. Except that he also can't deny and completely brush aside what he has with Holiday and Six because they're literally the people he trusts the most in the world - At some point, they get a house (idk, did they have a house?), and Rex reluctantly goes to live with them because, well, they're literally his parents (not to mention that Six and Hols would prob pick him up whenever he asked) and I imagine a scene where they're having breakfast or smth and having stilted conversation and Rex is

100% frustrated because they're all nervous and cautious around each other and no one knows how to act and no one wants to set anyone off or make anyone upset - so Rex goes "hey how about we do an exercise", everyone is like "weird, but ok, what do you propose?", "so it's a fun game I do with people sometimes: we usually sit near each other in a way we can all see each other's faces, one of us starts by saying anything that's on our minds and we discuss it with the person when they're done. It's called "having a conversation", really fun, 10/10", "are you sassing us?", "no. I'm joking. I joke when I'm stressed.", "but you're always making jokes.", "yeah, well, I'm usually about to die... so you can see how I'd be a stressed person."

#sticky wall parents au #swp au #generator rex au #generator rex #genrex #gen rex #violeta salazar #rafael salazar #césar salazar #cezar salazar #caesar salazar #rex salazar #eli rants #au #gr au

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organic-sprolden · 3 years

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So I watched the Dear Evan Hansen movie.

Here are my basic thoughts.

I cried 3 times, and it probably would've been more if I didn't know what was coming. Although, "I didn't fall, I let go" will always get me, even if I knew what was happening and exactly when.

I liked the fact that they had a lot of the original lines from the musical because it was just so much more quotable for me and likely every other DEH fan.

I was hesitant about the new songs at first, and disappointed at the loss of the classic Good For You, Anybody have a map and Disappear (not To Break In A Glove though, that song can burn.) but in context, A Little More and Anonymous Ones were pretty great.

I really loved the new ending where we see Connor in rehab singing his song, I love how we were able to see more of just him.

Not him through the perspective of others.

Also the ending when Evan confesses what he did was sweet I suppose, but there still weren't any repercussions for his actions. Which I'm pretty sure was the whole point if them adding in that scene, rather than having the Murphy's take the entire fall.

Honestly though, I don't mind it, It's not like I wanted Evan to get all the hate in the world. I just thought that if they went through the trouble of changing the story, they'd add some actual conflict.

I was wondering why they changed the setting of each of the songs. (for example, Waving Through The Window starting in his bedroom, and not after Connor pushes him. If I Could Tell Her being in the Murphy's living room and not in his bedroom, leading to the memorable and rather unfortunate first "kiss" on Zoe's dead brother's bed.) And why sometimes the songs seemed too rushed and a little out of place, despite it coming after the same line it can after in the musical. (For example, So Big/So Small.)

Also, the musical scenes were very underwhelming. Waving Through The Window, Sincerely Me, Only Us, For Forever, So Big/So Small, Words Fail all had so much potential. Moving from stage to film opens up so many possibilities for cinematic elements that's would elevate and induce many more emotions than it previously could. The songs were basically just the person sitting in one place, singing the song, maybe with a little dialogue in between verses.

I want to see more.

I want to feel the songs, even if I already know the musical soundtrack by heart. At times it felt as though they had the songs thrown into the script just because the theatre fans would riot if their favourite musical songs weren't in the film.

Which kinda sucks.

Alana was... interesting.

I feel like I hated her less in this, but it's probably because we just didn't get to see her. Anonymous Ones is a great premise for a sing and honestly I was going to cry for the reprise, but it just didn't hit as hard as I expected it to.

However, Anonymous Ones is the only song that had that X-factor the others were missing. I love that it showed that even if you think you're alone and forgotten, there's always other people. and sometimes, you get so caught up in your head that you don't take the time to notice what's right there. Or, as the song says, "The parts we can't tell, we carry them well, but that doesn't mean they're not heavy".

The thought that "no one will understand me, everyone else has a perfect life" is honestly a little selfish but it is a thought that a lot of people have. That is what I interpret Waving Through The Window as for the most part, and Anonymous Ones is basically the opposite.

The scene where Alana walks into the gym, and we see Evan in the background was really insightful to me. I appreciate that.

Jared is another one we didn't see often, so was Heidi (but of course, that's basically her whole character.) But with Jared, we lost some of the best moments of his sarcastic/teasing personality ("School shooter chic" is the main thing coming to mind.) As is, he didn't have much personality, and no real reason to even be in the movie, other than to be someone that Evan talks to to explain things to the viewing audience.

This Zoe was unexpectedly really great. Especially how she did Requiem. I will always appreciate and fully understand her reluctancy to just join the crowd and say "He was a great guy, he will be missed". Her having the backbone to say "No, he was an awful person to me" is really inspiring. so many people that were victims to abuse feel like they should just go along with it as not to dampen the vision others had of the person, but it's not right.

So yes, this Zoe did a really good job of bringing the book Zoe to life on screen.

Speaking of the book, I wish they had included Miguel. Even if it was just as the guy at the end who sent Evan the video, I wish they would've shown just a little callback to Connor's only true friend.

I feel like bringing him back, like in the book, at the end to talk to Evan would've been so much better than Evan spilling the beans then just reading all of Connor's favourite books from when he was 13.

I will probably eventually watch this again and maybey thouts will change, but as of right now, I rate this movie 7/10 on its own, and 4/10 in relation to the musical and the book.

(there's also a whole lot more o can say about the actual message behind all of this, the issues I have with the actual plot, and the casting concerns I have but for now, an open review and discussion will do.)

#dear evan hansen #dearevanhansen #deh movie #dear evan hansen movie #ben platt #evan hansen #connor murphy

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crows-murder · 3 years

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Look i dont give a single fuck if ben platt looks like a teenager or not. My problem with the Dear Evan Hansen movie are the three songs that have been cut.

These are the songs that are going to be featured in the movie

And this is the original Broadway cast recording (with the songs that won't he in the movie highlighted)

Apart from the fact that these are some of the best songs in that musical, the fact that these three specifically are being cut already tells us so much about the movie.

Anybody Have a Map is sung by Heidi, Evan's mom, and Cynthia, Connor Murphy's mom. It's been described as an introduction to the characters and the plot through the moms who have to deal with a growing distance between them and their sons. By removing this song and making the opening song Waving Through a Window, it puts Evan in the spotlight and doesn't allow us to sympathize with his mom or Connor and his mom. It eliminates any outside perspective we get and only allows us to sympathize with Evan and his struggles.

The second song that was cut is Disappear. This song is about how Evan and Connor were both quiet and didnt have many friends. Its also during this song that Evan keeps up the lie of pretending he was friends with Connor and completely reinvents him to pretend they were friends, and its for sure one of the worst things (if not simply the worst thing) Evan does in this whole musical.

The last song that was cut is Good for You. In this song Evan realizes the impact his lies have on his mom and his friends. The raw justified anger and emotion in this song and the part Evan sings make the listener realize just how much the lies have hurt everyone around him and it also shows that Evan is remorseful of his actions. Evan truly realizes that he used the life of a dead teenager for his own gain and manipulated and duped everyone who cared around him.

Evan isn't a good guy in the musical. He completely reinvents the life of a teenager who committed suicide because he wanted to get close to his sister and his family because he was lonely and didn’t have many friends.

The entire point of that musical is to sympathize with Evan but understand that there is no excuse for what he did and thst it was wrong. From the way this is already going, the movie is going to completely ignore that and make Evan the good guy and the victim in this.

Evan isn't the villain in the musical, but he's also not the victim. The victim is Connor Murphy. In the end, Evan accepts that he shouldn't have done any of what he did, despite the good impact the Connor Project had on others and on bringing awareness. The most important thing about Evan's arc in the musical is that he regrets what he did and apologizes to everyone for his actions, and that is something I dont know if we're gonna see in the movie.

(Keep in mind that this is my own opinion on this and that I don't know for sure if thats what is going to happen in the movie)

#dear evan hansen movie #suicide tw #im salty #like i hope im wrong #but seeing the songs they cut #i dont think i am #also this is hollywood #what else could we have expected #im sure it's gonna be a good movie and im not saying ppl cant enjoy it #im just saying that from the songs they cut its going to fully diverge from the message the musical delivered #also good for you is a fucking amazing song why the fuck would they cut it #ghost post #ghost salt

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basically-i-write-shit · 3 years

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Hi anyway if you take the context of the musical from the songs and gave them the context of sk8 the Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack fits quite well with sk8 the infinity and here's why:

Anybody have a map? Is all about Evan and Connor's moms trying to bond with them and get them to talk. Not only does Heidi and Evan's bit work well with Langa and Nanako, but I think Connor's section matches well with Reki's relationship to the sk8 fam. To me, it felt like he never really let himself feel like a part of the group, like Connor and the Murphys were never really a family until it was too late despite them trying to connect.

Waving through a window is very much a complicated song to place for the three younger boys; if we're looking at the neurodivergent undertones of the song, it's easy to place Langa or Reki into the role of Evan but I think this is actually a Miya song. After his friends left him, he’s so hesitant to actually let himself feel happy and content with his new friends and so he doesn’t let himself feel like “one of the guys” with the rest of the sk8 fam. He’s just kind of watching them from the outside, a part of the group but feeling like an outsider.

For forever is absolutely a renga song if I’ve ever heard it. Reki taking Langa around Okinawa to his favorite spots, them just slowly becoming friends and maybe even more, but just enjoying being with one another in the moment either way. The question is: Is it Reki’s POV or Langa’s?

Sincerely, me I feel like would be Joe and Cherry from Evan’s POV, and Reki, Miya, and Langa in Jared’s- matchablossom is reminiscing and trying to imagine a world where their childhood friend comes back and reforms himself. The younger boys are joking around, laughing, unaware that the other two are being serious.

Requiem is Joe and Cherry seeing Adam trying to lure Langa into danger and realizing that there’s no chance of bringing their Adam back. Joe, from the perspective of Connor’s dad, had already kind of accepted it. Cherry, from the perspective of Zoe, is just trying to cope with his perfect picture of Adam crumbling. There is no requiem for Adam.

If I could tell her is DEFFO Joe talking to Cherry; perhaps after they break down over Adam, they talk about the past and Joe tries to confess his feelings, but ends up backing out and telling Cherry that his feelings, his confessions, were things Adam told him about Cherry back when they were children. Joe doesn’t want to take advantage of Cherry’s vulnerability and thinks maybe one day he’ll be able to say them himself.

Disappear is a bit harder to place. I think this is Tadashi trying to convince Adam to quit skating, and Adam shutting him down and claiming that skating was the only thing he had, and don’t you think it’s cruel of you to take that away from me? The only time people look at me with adoration is at S, Tadashi.

You will be found is just a general anthem for S. So many people come to S to shut something out, whether that’s their own feelings or societal pressure, or fears of failure in their real life. S is a place where you can feel at home, and if you don’t, you’ll find people that feel like home. No one will forget you here.

To break in a glove is. Oof. Can we talk about Joe falling into a father figure role not only for Miya but for Reki too? I can imagine this scene being him teaching both of the boys about how to use grip tape on a board, or proper skate safety, or something- and he’s really happy to be allowed to teach this, he’s always loved teaching and taking care of people but Cherry has always pushed him away bc he’s independent and no one else really sticks around long enough to care. But these boys are so sweet and receptive, and even if they kind of already know they’re still so happy to listen to a veteran skater who loves the craft as much as he did when he first started.

Only us is the renga song. Reki is insecure, but so is Langa. Reki bc he’s always kind of the last to be thought about, being the oldest of all of the kids, and the only boy. He doesn’t think he’s worth loving, doesn’t understand why Langa loves him, even if he wants it so desperately. Langa is nervous jumping into a new relationship after moving, he’s insecure bc he’s still not the best at Japanese and he’s always been kind of socially illiterate, even in the states, and learning new culture and societal norms is scary, but he’s willing to learn if it means he gets to hold Reki’s hand and get to know him more.

Good for you is a fever dream for Reki. It’s not real, but in the midst of a panic attack, the intrusive thoughts take over and he imagines all of his friends leaving him, telling him he got what he wanted- for Langa to skate, and now that he’s better than Reki, they don’t need him and he’s being selfish for sticking around. Reki is just trying to catch his breath, begging his friends to please please let him stay, let him stick around please don’t leave him, no, no, nonono-

Words fail, to me, is also a renga song. Please don’t hurt me. But imagine this: instead of a solo, like in the original, it’s a duet. Reki and Langa, both thinking about the situation they’ve found themselves in; Langa is panicking because his only friend, someone he thought wouldn’t leave after his father left, is suddenly mad at him and won’t tell him why. Reki is panicking because he epically fucked up and there’s no way Langa could accept his apology. Langa is talking to his mom about the problem, Reki is talking to Joe. Specifically, Langa has the line “What if everyone saw?/What if everyone knew?” and Reki “Would they like what they saw?/Or would they hate it too?”

So big/so small is Reki and his mom. Reki finally has a breakdown and talks to her about why he’d been so distant/weird lately and she reassures him that he’s good. that everything will feel so small soon, and he could always ask for help.

#sk8 the infinity #skate the infinity #renga #matchablossom #long post #reki kyan #langa hasegawa #sk8 joe #sk8 cherry blossom #chinen miya #kojiro nanjo

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razanartuk · 3 years

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about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

#mel.rtf #abt me #tag games

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void-03 · 3 years

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Part 4 (The Finale of the series ig)

I had to skip twenty minutes. I felt too uncomfortable. Alana did something, now the internet hates Evan and the Murphy family.

Larry what the fuck. Who would treat their child like this, thank god for Cynthia. Though it wasn't enough.

Cynthia: He was trying to be better! He was trying!

Larry: And he was failing!

This is hurtful. Very hurtful.

I will skip the confession. I can't. I can't deal with this.

Connor is so understanding. He's even trying to speak with Evan, he shouldn't feel the need to do this.

Heidi Hansen is the MVP. Best mum, I love her. She reminds me of my own mother, though more understanding. I got my judgemental side from my mum. We love shitting on things together.

Even the whole horoscope thing Heidi's into, my mum is literally an astrologist. Evan's a Pisces btw, canonically.

Connor: *is scared of being abandoned*

Connor: *abandons Miguel first, ignoring him for months*

Also Connor: *feels hurt when he speaks to Miguel and Miguel doesn't respond this time*

People are strange, I guess I have too much self control to understand.

"And I make my exit."

Actions have consequences.

There is no excuse for this.

Jared is being nice, huh.

Heidi being wonderful once again, sending Cynthia Murphy flowers. She's the greatest. Mum of the year.

Miguel is so sweet. "Friends". The poor guy was at work, he couldn't respond. He tried to call him but the deed was done. He says Connor was innocent and pure, that's cute.

I want a fanfic where Miguel talks him down from commiting suicide. I think it would be sweet.

Zoe telling him he saved them? The lies saved them?

Lies are always horrible.

Miguel showing Evan Connor's actual messages is wonderful, and then Evan giving Zoe Miguel's number. This is why the novel is better.

I'm done with the audiobook. I'm going to my first psychiatrist appointment now, wish me luck.

My opinion on this: The musical meant a lot to me. The songs are good, I connected greatly to the characters, but the writing is... Bad. The message is that you will be found and no one deserves to disappear, but Connor's entire character is replaced by Evan's lies, he disappears, a false version of him lives on. This is the contradiction in the message. Connor is the second most important character in the story, tying everything together, you know?

I like the novel better. I will make a whole post about why I think the writing is bad and how it could be improved when I'm home from the appointment. I have a lot of thoughts.

#deh #dear evan hansen #connor murphy #evan hansen #zor murphy

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meangirlsx · 5 years

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Cuddling Beej Headcanons

The first time you summoned him because you wanted to cuddle, he assumed you were summoning him for his notorious chaos

He appeared with a dramatic flair and a grin that was somehow a mix of shit-eating mischief and a kid on Christmas morning

He was SO confused when he realized you were just laying in bed staring at him

“You did say my name, right?”

You nodded

“Then why aren’t we getting ready to go destroy something?”

“That’s not why I summoned you”

“Did someone hurt you? Do you need me to end them?”

You found yourself smiling at his protective feelings for you

(While making a mental note to try to help him learn in the future that killing people really isn’t usually the best solution to problems)

You could see the disappointment on his face as you told him that no, you didn’t need him to kill someone for you, either

But when you told him you wanted to cuddle?

His smile was just full-on kid on Christmas morning

“Well why didn’t you lead with that?”

He jumped into bed beside you

And since that day, he’s always just as excited when you summon him just to cuddle

He secretly hopes that’s what you want every time you summon him

When that’s not your reason, he’ll pout for a second, more jokingly than anything else

And then he’s ready to do whatever it is you actually summoned him for because he just loves any excuse to spend time with you

He loves holding you, just knowing you’re there in his arms, safe and happy

He loves being the reason you feel safe and happy, too

Let’s face it, the guy has clearly been hecking lonely for so many years and definitely touch-starved

He basically gets high on the thought that you want to cuddle him enough and enjoy it enough to regularly call on him just for that

He’s happy to switch it up if you ever want to be the one holding him

He literally does not care as long as he’s with you

You’re pretty sure he muttered once that when you hold him, he’d be worried his heart was going to explode if it was still beating

He loves when you fall asleep cuddling

It reminds him that you feel totally safe and content with him, which always makes him melt (and warms his literal cold, dead heart)

He will stay there, laying with you, for absolutely as long or as briefly as you want to

As long as you’re okay with it, he’ll stay the entire night and he won’t let go unless you want him to

And if you do want him to let go, he’ll still stay until you ask him to leave or until you get up in the morning and have to start getting ready for the day

And even when you do start getting ready, he likes to stick around and just talk to you

He’ll watch any movie with you anyway to spend time with you, but if you’re cuddling while you watch, he’ll shut off any judgement or complaining commentary

He also loves when you want to cuddle and watch TV with him

He thinks it’s amazing that you can have shows you watch together as “your shows”

Sometimes he’ll show up when you didn’t call him and if you’re ever not in the mood to cuddle, he will totally respect that, but he gets all cute and happy when you are in the mood

He wants to make sure you always have reasons to keep wanting him around to cuddle

So he learns everything you especially like

Playing with your hair, rubbing your back, whispering to you, running a finger up and down your arm, whatever makes you happy, he memorizes it like his dead life depends on it

And he learns your different moods and how your preferences change based on them

He wants to know how to comfort you when you’re sad, make you feel loved when you’re feeling lonely, or just exist together when you’re not feeling anything particularly strongly

He loves that you can be totally silent, just together, and it’s comfortable

And that you can also talk for hours and never run out of things to talk about

He frequently finds himself staring at you and just thinking about how grateful he is to be in your life and to be in this moment with you

——

Tag list: @mars-bars-stars, @reader-ships, @anxiousankylosaurus, @msmith74, @broadwaymusicaltrash, @you-thinks-wrong-romeo, @theatricalwriter, @be-more-heidi-hansen, @peachy-jolly, @g1ngersp1ce, @trumancheerleadermaui, @dancewyou, @percabeth15, @coral-cat-iris

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#Beetlejuice x reader #beetlejuice musical #beetlejuice broadway #beetlejuice #beetlejuice headcanon #Beetlejuice headcanons

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schantzscribbles · 4 years

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Okay, but imagine the DEH parents in high school and college.

Heidi was a total hippie and still is.

Bell-bottoms and flower crowns she made herself.

She probably smoked hella weed and didn't really know what she wanted to do with her life, she just wanted to help people.

She volunteered for shelters and nursing homes a lot and on top of that was a crazy activist for women's rights (among other things).

Is still a total hippie, but has responsibilities.

Decorates her house with funky tapestries and all sorts of plants and flora.

Used to be a DIY queen before she had to start working more.

Cynthia was a punk.

Like, shaved and dyed mohawk that she kept styled high with glue and egg yolk (the old fashion punk way, of course).

Was definitely in a band and huge in the underground punk scene of Rochester.

Probably had a stylized stage name like "Cynister Cynthia."

Face full of piercings. Surprisingly enough, a few of the holes didn't close and she could deck her face out in metal once again if she wanted to.

Also a huge activist because true punks are activists.

Straightedge, with maybe a little weed here and there.

Dropped the look shortly after college, but once a punk, always a punk.

Connor assumes the collection of punk CDs he found were his dad's. He has no clue.

Larry, baby, I love you, but you're a square.

Band kid. A percussionist probably on the big bass drum.

He did do a few sports here and there, mainly baseball and track and field, but he wasn't really a jock.

Total book nerd. He would practically read a book a day, having it fully bookmarked and annotated as if it were as simple and automatic as breathing.

Was always quoting random books and authors at any chance he got.

Definitely from a wealthy and conservative family. Grew up rather sheltered and wasn't sure exactly who to be.

He was well liked, fairly intelligent, good in band and sports, but was kind of a loner. He didn't really have a group of kids he stuck with because the ones from his status were vain and vile and he didn't know how to interact with any other social groups.

Too scared to experiment until he met Cynthia.

He never really changed much about himself, but he let loose just a little, just for her.

Cynthia pierced his ears one night in a Hardy's parking lot.

If he could remember who he was back with Cynthia when they first met, then it would be so much easier for him.

But he's dumb and old.

And Mark Hansen.

Lmao fuck that guy who cares.

Probably some jock who thought Heidi was his manic pixie dream girl but he just wanted a lay.

I'm just gonna say him and Heidi hooked up randomly at a young age, then she got pregnant. He wanted to do the "noble" thing and stay with her for Evan, but he really didn't care for her.

So he couldn't fake a relationship and rather than just being real about it, he marries her, plays house, makes her life and his own life miserable, then fucks off after some years.

Fuck that guy.

#this is a mark hansen hate blog #deh #dear evan hansen #heidi hansen #cynthia murphy #larry murphy #headcanon #headcanons #let cynthia be a puNK

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arianne-daniels · 4 years

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Some Dear Evan Hansen Thoughts

Hi guys. So I figured I might as well talk about this show and the movie, since the movie is such a hot topic right now. This is definitely going to have some constructive criticism about the show, but my goal isn’t to just bash the show or anything. They’re just my thoughts. This is going to be kind of a long post. Honestly, I just wanted to enumerate my thoughts somewhere.

TL;DR: The musical is mildly problematic and the movie is going to drudge up some interesting issues.

So I completely missed the first craze of the show because it came out in the 2017 season, and the only show I cared about at the time was Anastasia. After I watched the Tony’s that year, I looked up Dear Evan Hansen, and found the plot synopsis to be pretty uninteresting and never bothered trying to watch it. At some point, I watched the performance of You Will Be Found on the Thanksgiving Day Parade, and thought the song was the finale of the show.

I finally got around to watching it because I found a bootleg of Jordan FIsher as Evan, and I love Jordan Fisher. So I watched it. For one thing, it took three sittings for me to watch because I kept turning it off when I felt like it was awkward.

I definitely see why it got as popular as it did, especially amongst the demographic it did (which seems to be mostly teens and twenty-somethings). All of the teen characters kind of...lack personality, and therefore it’s really easy to project yourself on to them. The music is catchy—Pasek and Paul have written a lot of super catchy, borderline pop music (see La La Land and The Greatest Showman)—which makes it easy to listen to the cast album. Dear Evan Hansen also seems to have a pretty big social media presence, which makes it seem more accessible than a lot of shows.

But the biggest issue I have with the show is that all of the characters are shitty people. At one point in the show, Jared tells even that Connor dying was the best thing that could’ve happened to Evan, and really that’s...so true?? But the way the show frames it is that Jared saying that is so off the mark. Evan lies constantly and compulsively, tells his mom that she’s not good enough despite the fact she really seems to be trying her hardest, and basically joins this grieving family by manipulating them. It’s kind of fucked up.

And, like I said, the teenaged characters are all kind of blank slates. Even Evan, the main character, doesn’t seem to have many traits besides having anxiety and depression, liking trees (and nature, I guess, by extension), and having a crush on Zoe Murphy. That’s...not a lot to go off of? Like I’m sorry, but if any character should be fleshed out, it should be the main character. What do we really know about Evan, from the show?

Then there are Alana and Jared, who are both basically stereotypes. Alana is the overly ambitious, involved in everything type that shows up in all media about high school. Jared is an asshole nerd. They’re both wildly insecure, but in a very shallow way. They also just completely disappear after Good For You and get absolutely no resolve in the show, which is kind of ridiculous. Like, they’ve been in a lot of the show. I get that the show is about Evan, but he fucked them both over and they should have shown up at least one more time.

Most of what we hear about Zoe Murphy is from I Should Tell Her (which is SO creepy, by the way), but they’re basically just about how she’s a teenage girl. We know she play guitar in jazz band and was abused by her brother. I guess you get a decent look into her mind in Requiem and Only Us, and really I would argue that you know the most about her of all the teen characters.

Connor has the least characterization, which makes sense because he dies like fifteen minutes into the show. His entire character breaks down to “problematic asshole stoner”. And then he shows up as a hallucination of Evan’s for a couple of scenes. Connor is basically just a plot device.

Cynthia and Larry don’t fare all that much better than the teenagers, because Cynthia is basically just a Rich, White Housewife, and Larry is an emotionally distant father. I mean, it works, I guess. And it’s immediately easy to see why they buy into Evan’s stories so quickly, so they’re used effectively, at least.

Heidi Hansen is the character I would say is the most fleshed out, and the only one I found myself empathizing with, even a little bit. Lady is clearly just trying her hardest. Evan kind of treats her like shit, and he says some pretty fucked up stuff to her.

The DEH fandom seems to have projected specific character traits on to a lot of the characters. Which, like, is fair. it happens in all fandoms, fanon ideas becoming so well-known people often begin treating them as canon. I’ve seen it so much in Harry Potter and Percy Jackson I don’t really think it’s weird anymore. But with DEH, like I said, the characters are all pretty blank.

I think it’s going to make the movie really...interesting. I’m very curious to see if any of these fanon things are going to make their way into the movie, given I don’t think the creators live in a bubble. They’re writing new songs (at least the one), which normally I would be skeptical of but there’s a very minimal amount of music in the show.

I also think that this movie actually mainstream is going to cause a lot of internet screaming, in the vein of what happened when 13 Reasons Why was at the height of its popularity. 13RW had a lot of debate about the portrayal of suicide. There’s been some minor discussion about how the aftermath of Connor’s suicide mildly glorifies suicide, but it doesn’t haunt Dear Evan Hansen in the same way it follows 13RW. I really think that the movie is going to spark that same discussion once again, but on a bigger scale.

I want to end this out by saying it’s a mistake to cast adults as teenagers (which I know is not a hot take), especially with this story. After I watched the Jordan Fisher bootleg, I went and skimmed through one of the OBC (because I do always like to see the original cast) and a boot of Andrew Barth Feldman (because I’m a fan of Mallory Bechtel, I realize that’s a weird reason), and the show really, really benefits from having an actual teenager as Evan Hansen. Watching a genuine teenager fuck with people’s lives by being a moron is a lot easier to stomach than watching Ben Platt do it, because Ben Platt looks like he’s thirty, and it feels so much more deliberate when it’s someone that old. Teenagers make mistakes, and while I know the story is telling us that Evan is 17, looking at a grown ass man completely breaks that illusion.

If you stayed this long, thanks for listening to my incoherent ramblings.

#broadway #deh #dear evan hansen #deh movie #arianne rambles #shouting into the void

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connormurphyisbae · 4 years

Text

The Unexpected: Connor Murphy x Reader (Part 9)

Masterlist

Word Count: 249

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8

The Hansens arrived promptly at noon and brought along many side dishes such as mac and cheese and mashed potatoes. Heidi and Cynthia were cooking in the kitchen while Larry was making a drink although they were persuading him to help. Evan and Zoe had just sat down on the couch, watching the parade while cuddling. Y/N sat in the recliner with knees up to her chest, she was very self-conscious at the moment. Connor eventually made his way down just enough to peer over the banister, he had been waiting to see her for so long but didn’t want to make a fool of himself. The step squeaked as he put his weight down. Y/N glanced behind her but quickly looked away. An odd amount of courage went through her veins, as she stood up and went to talk to him.

“Connor,”

“Hey stranger,” he playfully punched her arm, instantly regretting it.

“Um, I’ve really missed you.” she looked up at him with sad eyes.

He gave in, sighing, “I’ve missed you too,”

“I really need to talk to you,” she whispered.

“Okay,” waiting for a response.

“Alone,” Y/N glared towards Evan and Zoe.

“Oh,” he didn’t want her to break his heart so he did what he thought was necessary, “Wait- yeah Mom? Oh, you want me to set the table? Okay, sorry Y/N I gotta go.”

She stared at him as he walked away obviously avoiding the conversation. Dinner was at 4 so until then he tried to stick near the parents, which surprised everyone.

During dinner, Y/N tried her best to keep her food down or at least not smell dishes she knew would make her throw up. So far all was going well.

“Connor, I haven’t seen you much, what have you been up to?” chirped Heidi.

“Well,” he slightly looked over at Y/N, “I’ve just been taking my general credits online until I figure out what I wanna do.”

“You need to buckle down and pick a major, son,” Larry stated.

Connor had a disgusted look on his face.

“Ahem,” Cynthia stared them down, “How about you Y/N, how’s college going?”

As food was being passed around she put some mashed potatoes on her plate and handed them to Evan.

“Um, good. My roommates are nice,”

“Has anything exciting happened?”

“Actually, yes,” Connor was worried, “yesterday my friend and I were walking around when a couple of guys yelled at us,” he knew she moved on, “and when we turned around a soccer ball was heading right for us so I pushed her out of the way.”

“Wow,” Cynthia awed.

“But I got hit instead and I went to the hospital so that was exciting,”

“Y/N are you okay? When were you going to tell me about this?” Heidi turned towards her daughter.

“Mom, I’m fine,”

“Jesus Y/N, you’re still such a spaz,” Zoe sputtered out while laughing.

The other teens joined in as well. Larry said something on the other end of the table to which the adults started talking. Zoe tried to whisper something across the table to Evan and Connor and Y/N kept to themselves. Y/N went to get some stuffing but all of the sudden felt like she had to vomit. Before even putting it on her plate she put the serving spoon down.

“Um, what’s in the-” she put her hand over her mouth, “stuffing?”

Connor was worried about her tone, “The usual stuff, and then my grandmother's secret ingredient,”

She muffled her voice, “Is it pickles?”

“You haven’t even tried it yet, how’d you know?” he noticed her face contorting.

“Excuse me,” she tried to get to the bathroom in a calm fashion, but clearly she was sprinting.

About a minute later Connor went to check on her. He leaned against the door and heard her throwing up, then he heard the water and footsteps getting closer. He wanted to help her, but he also didn’t want to seem creepy by waiting outside the bathroom. Quickly he ran back to the table. About thirty seconds later Y/N returned. The rest of the meal was relatively normal except for Connor who kept looking back at Y/N whenever he could.

While cleaning up Connor noticed Y/N sitting on the staircase. Now was his chance.

He stood in front of her, “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, like I said during dinner, I’m fine,”

“Not that,” he crouched to her level, “I mean you threw up during dinner and have been acting super weird,”

“I’ve not been acting that weird,”

His eyebrows raised, “Y/N, you haven't been your happy self, I thought it was because of ya know, but I can tell it’s more than that,”

She put her head in her hands. When she looked back up she had tears running down her cheeks. He was taken back, not expecting this.

“I really need to talk to you,” she sniffled.

Connor had never really seen her this torn up about something before. They went outside and sat on the back porch steps. Y/N made sure they were far enough so that no one else would hear.

“Seeing you like this has really made me regret blowing you off earlier,”

“Connor, I don’t know how to tell you this,”

“You can tell me anything,” he put his hand on her shoulder.

“Okay,” she breathed, “let me start by saying you are very special to me and I don’t care if you hate me or whatever but you will always matter to me,”

“I-I don’t hate you, I never would,”

“Well, you might,”

“Y/N, has something happened to you?”

“I’m um,” she looked away then into his eyes, “pregnant,”

Silence fell upon them.

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cleverbroadwayurl · 5 years

Text

Conspiracy (Jeremy Heere x Reader Pt. 25)

Song: Conspiracy by Paramore

Word Count: 3761

Need to Catch Up? Check out my masterlist!

A/N: Oh my god I finally did it. I’m so sorry this took months but that’s because my courses right now are really hard and take about 8 hours a week of studying per class (aka 40 hours a week of studying total). But I’m on break right now, so please enjoy! I will try to have more out soon!

Taglist: @macbookpro-hard-drive @catatonic-kuragin @retrogarden @be-more-heidi-hansen @scarsonthecuffsofyourjeans @stargirl-murphy @heytheredee-lilah

Trigger Warnings: LANGUAGE, Angst, mentions of an abusive boyfriend, mentions of abuse, Jeremy crying, implication of stalking, implication of assault, IF I MISSED ANYTHING ELSE PLEASE LET ME KNOW

Jeremy can feel his phone vibrate, expecting a text from you, telling him that you’d made it home okay. He can feel a sense of surprise go across his face at the contact, and even more so at the message over and over again.

Rich: We need to talk.

Jeremy walked into his room and fell onto his bed, hands gripping his phone as he did so. Subconsciously, he’d closed the door, and was secure in his room, head still reeling, face still pale as he remembered the look you gave him on his doorstep. That wasn’t a comfort, and neither was this text from Rich, which spiked his anxiety tenfold. He didn’t think that was possible, images of you accidentally not paying attention for a split second and losing you forever plaguing his mind. He’d been so close to losing you before, but this…was a cruel act of fate as you stepped away from him again.

Laying on his bed, Jeremy got another text from Rich, his phone the only sound vibrating into the space. He reluctantly looked at his phone, the notification as haunting as the first one, each one seeming more panicked than the last. Jeremy could feel shivers crackle down his spine, hands not feeling like his own as he opened his phone with a fingerprint scanner—thank god Apple had incorporated that.

His read receipts were on, he always forgot about that. So Rich knew that he had read the last text, and now the one that came, and the ones that he assured were coming soon.

Rich: dude, can we talk? Just for a second. I promise I’ll be fast

Jeremy’s hands are already uneasy as he types, unsure how the letters are falling in place correctly. He’s seeing the motion, knows it’s happening, but doesn’t seem to place that it’s his hands doing the movement.

Jeremy: Uhh sure, what’s up?

He regrets it. Jeremy knows he’s in no state to even listen to another person’s problems right now, visions of so much passing through his brain in a flash. What if your ex texted you? What if you can’t get home safely, but were too embarrassed to tell him? What if you were parked at some gas station, just crying your eyes out? The images pass quickly, but somehow, Rich can type faster. It feels like a distraction at this point, but Jeremy didn’t need this kind of placement of focus. He needed something to relax him, something to reassure him.

Rich: Do you have a second to like…talk? On the phone? Typing is weird.

Jeremy sighs, but nothing is still. His heart is pounding so loud that Jeremy can hear its echo in his ears, legs stiff as he leans his back against the wall, sitting up to physically prepare him for this conversation that was heavily contributing to the sweat on his palms, unable to focus on anything.

Rich is quick, Jeremy is still fascinated by that. Maybe he was just moving that much slower, mind teasing daydreams turning into nightmares within frames of them starting. The phone is still vibrating, and it feels like it’s been buzzing for eternities. That was enough confirmation. Jeremy was just working through problems as if he were running in water, feet not on the ground. Finally, he feels the courage to pick up, to say something, even though he’s sure that his voice will shake. “Hello?”

“Jeremy, thank fuck. This has been on my mind for weeks and I literally don’t have anyone else who would know what the fuck is going on right now.”

Right away, Jeremy can sense that Rich is in trouble. The ramble has Jeremy’s mind resorting to nervousness, but not the healthy amount. This has been going on for days, it’s clear as Rich continues speaking, not seeming to breathe between sentences, the enhanced amount of “fuck”s, voice hoarse with each passing syllable—this is bad, even for Rich.

“What’s up?”

“Oh my god there was this girl here in Metuchen, someone you’ve never met or seen before, and I swear I didn’t do anything, but like, I don’t even know where to begin, you know? Fuck Jeremy, this is awful, I feel like I haven’t slept in days or slept too much and all I can think about is her, even though we barely even fucking talked and I have no idea what’s she’s up to or if she got home okay—”

“Get to the point, Rich.”

Jeremy didn’t mean to snap, but his eyes had glanced over his digital alarm clock, noticing that you should’ve gotten home a while ago. The reminder that Rich spit into existence didn’t help his case either. Jeremy could feel the lump in his throat form, breaths getting shaky. You had been in such trouble, in and out of reality, maybe you’d been followed home by that shitty little red speedster, which could only remind Jeremy of almost a year ago, lights flashing, nights in sterile rooms, eyes falling into sleep, FRIENDS in the background, his fucking blue sweater, and now everything is crumbling, he just lost—

“Jeremy, you good?”

“Yeah. Yeah, sorry. Can you say that again? My dad called me for something and I couldn’t focus.”

It was a lie, but an easy cover-up. He knew that his dad wouldn’t mind being the bad guy when Jeremy needed an out. He’d mentioned that when Jeremy had gone off to college if he was ever pressured into drinking or going out or some other thing.

“Uhh yeah. So on the night of Brooke’s backyard party, I split early because…because I had previous commitments. But I was out of gas so I stopped at the Wawa off of the I-95. I went inside the Wawa to grab some stuff and I accidentally bumped into his girl—the one I mentioned who isn’t from around here. She mentioned that she was alone, her friend abandoned her at this Wawa, and I couldn’t just leave her alone, right?”

“Yeah, that makes sense.”

“Right. So, I took her home—”

“Rich”

“I promise I didn’t sleep with her! She was lonely and needed a place to stay, and I swear, I’m not like that anymore. Haven’t been for years, not since the SQUIP thing. It just brings up too many…yeah. But I got her stuff for the next day until she could get on her flight in a few days, Christine agreed to see a show with her, Waitress, I think. She posted on Instagram?”

“Christine? Yeah. I didn’t know you knew that girl.”

“Yeah. She’s my…friend. But Christine really likes her, and I think they had a really good time.”

“That’s good.” Although the conversation is going, Jeremy’s been watching time tick past, mind just blurring over each word, grazing the surface and not searching for anything deeper. He swipes down to see his notifications—nothing yet. It’s at times like these that Jeremy wished you’d let him see your location. He understood that it was absolutely an invasion of privacy, but—no that was selfish. Maybe you’d gotten caught up with someone, or maybe you’d already gotten home. Then why didn’t you text him? Jeremy’s fists ball up his comforter, the colon on his clock blinking with each second, and he’s practically counting each one. Rich becomes white noise to his worry, face still pale as the room gets darker.

“I don’t know—dude, it’s stupid, but—I think. I think I might be a little in love with her.”

Jeremy’s eyes immediately widened, and suddenly the world gets put into hyperspeed. “What?!”

“But she’s from Florida, and—”

“Rich, you’re in love with her?”

“I don’t know!”

“Shit, dude. I get it.”

“That’s what I mean. You are the only person who gets it, at least that I know of.”

“Yeah…I guess I am.”

“Exactly.”

“But now she’s so far away, and—”

“You feel like you can’t focus or sleep.”

“Yeah.”

“Rich, dude, you gotta talk to her.”

“Hypocrite.” It’s a laugh, a joke, something that Jeremy knows hasn’t happened for days. He recalls every night he spent in his dorm, Michael sleeping soundly, as Jeremy tosses and turns, mind racing and hoping for a sign that you’re okay. Dusk begins to turn into twilight, and he hopes that you’re okay. God, he’s about to be sent into that state now, just from you not being home, that something is wrong, he knows it.

“Fair.” It’s emotionless as it comes from Jeremy, realizing the reality of everything. He was going to have to cut Rich off to make sure you were okay. A life was…as much as he hated to say it, more important than this.

“But I can’t talk to her. What would I do after that?”

“You could go long distance.”

“I met her for two days, Jeremy.”

“Yeah, okay. I’ve also heard long distance is hard even for people who have been together for a year, so that might not…work.”

“Exactly.”

“You should still tell her, you know? She deserves to know, and it might feel good to get it off of your chest.”

“Yes, but she’s also in Florida.”

“Yeah, true.”

There’s another pause, and Jeremy can hear the blankets on the other end of the line shift. Rich was in bed, probably had been for days, and Jeremy’s heart sunk even more; this wasn’t like Rich. This was…bad.

But the preoccupation of you still haunted him. It was entirely possible that you’d been hunted down by your ex-boyfriend. Jeremy’s memories of “don’t drive to my house, he knows where I live—” ringing in his head. Your ex was forgetful in the way that all abusers are. They forget needs but remember the parts of your life to torment you, remember to lie in order to get you to feel crazy. He remembered where you lived after two times of ever going to your house, and that, even to Jeremy, was the most frightening thing that could be remembered. He opens messages, eyes flicking to your conversation, hoping for at least the typing symbol to appear.

Nothing. Thirty minutes, and nothing from you. His heart raced and palms began to sweat, shivers running down Jeremy’s spine. As much as Rich wasn’t himself, this wasn’t like you either. The shifting stopped, but the panic that forced Jeremy to enter a world of hurt was just beginning. He was about to end the call with Rich to see if you were okay, but then again, if you had gotten caught with your ex, and he called, that could also be bad, for reasons he didn’t want to think about. The light from the summer day drifted into nighttime, heat going down outside, but rising in Jeremy. Just as Jeremy is about to say something to Rich to get him to hang up, the line picks up.

“Hey Jeremy?”

“Yeah?” It came out harsh and rushed, but he really couldn’t help it. Panic controlled him now.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You uhh…seem really distant.”

He inhales, trying his best to maintain composure while talking to his friend. If he can’t do that, he might as well drive to your house and make sure that you got home safely, and if not, drive around town until you were found. “Oh uh, yeah. I just got back from a date with (y/n) and they uhh haven’t texted me that they got home safely. I’m starting to get really worried about it.”

“Starting? Dude, it’s been the entire time.” He pauses for a second, letting the sentence hang in open air. “But I’m sure they’re okay, it was just a what, 10-minute drive?”

Jeremy stiffened. A 10-minute drive right now could be death. You could’ve not seen a red light and collided with someone. You could have been run off of the road. The last moments you were here with distracted, unsure, and panicky. This was not just a drive home. It was a fatal quest. But he couldn’t tell Rich that, this wasn’t about Jeremy right now. This was about Rich and his Florida girl and his feelings towards her. He had to get the topic off of this. “Yeah.”

“How is everything with them, by the way? I’ve been uhh…talking a lot and I just realized that you really haven’t gotten the chance to say anything.”

“It’s going well. Just some…stuff happened on our date.” It wasn’t fair to you to go into what had happened. Yes, Rich knew, but he didn’t know everything that Jeremy had seen. He didn’t know about the sleepless nights, the apologies, the times you were so scared you could barely even make physical contact, the moments of guilt over something you had no control over. Rich knew the technicalities, Jeremy knew the truths.

“Are you okay? Do you need me to drive over there now?”

“No, it’s okay. I’m more worried about them.” It was nice of Rich to offer to drive from Elizabeth to Metuchen, but unnecessary. Plus, it would mean Jeremy would have to tell the whole truth, which was something that he wasn’t comfortable with. It was your story, one you’d mentioned in previous times that you were embarrassed about. You’d requested to not share photos with your ex, that you regretted every moment. You requested something like a restart, but this time, with a lot more boundaries, and unfortunately, experiences you’d like to forget.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Jeremy took another breath. The answer was yes, but he really wasn’t sure how to approach it. But since Rich knew, it might be better to have him on your side. You knew that Rich understood what was going on. It was in another private moment that you’d confessed when Rich witnessed your ex-boyfriend slam doors in your face, only to have Rich open them again, trying his hardest to not make it seem like he was flirting through trying to be friendly, but still be someone you could trust, even if he was just on the sidelines. It wasn’t like Rich was a stranger to you…and it might be good to spread it around that Jeremy’s partner can’t go to this grocery store. “We uhh went to that giant strip mall not too far from here.”

“That’s awesome, dude. Good date idea.”

“Yeah, and we like, both had a good time for the first part of it. But their mom wanted us to get her something from that grocery store over there. The really expensive one but has like…stuff you can’t get anywhere else?”

“At the end of the strip mall by Starbucks and Cold Stone?”

“Yeah.” Jeremy takes a shaky breath, dreading to relive the moments he’d just gone through with you and to have his mind completely blocked out by memory. Keeping calm was out of the question at this point, anger and worry boiling to Jeremy’s breaking point, tears threatening in his eyes to flood onto his face. “And their ex works there, Rich. We saw him two feet away from us. We booked it out of there after we paid, but I had to drive myself home Rich, in their car. They couldn’t even feel their hands. And now they aren’t texting me that they made it home safely and I’m—”

The text tone rings out, an apology from you finally in Jeremy’s hands.

You: Sorry about being so late, my mom wanted her groceries and I wanted to take a shower to try and calm down with some alone time with no disturbances.

Jeremy: Thank god you’re okay. You’re fine, please get some rest

Just as Jeremy sends the text back to you, a “FUCK” rings out from Rich’s side of the call. There’s an obvious door slam, but the shout still sounds distant from the phone. Rich must have gotten up.

“Rich? You okay?”

“Dude, I’m so sorry.”

“What for? I just got their text, you don’t need to leave, they just took a shower and forgot to text, which, they were really out of it, so I can’t really blame them for it.”

“Jeremy, you’re going to be really pissed.”

“What? Rich, no. I don’t have anything to be mad about.”

“Dude, no, you’re going to be mad. I don’t even know how to…explain this.”

“What do you mean?”

“Jeremy, I knew.”

“Knew? What are you talking about?”

“I knew that he worked there, Jeremy, but—”

At this point, nothing gets through Jeremy’s ears. Worry turns to anger and before he can even think, Jeremy opens his mouth and starts yelling over Rich. No excuse, none, is okay to forget something this fucking big.

“What the fuck, Rich?”

“Dude—”

“No, really! What the FUCK, Richard?! What the fuck could make you forget about something like this?”

“Jer—”

“It’s their EX, Rich! The same fucking one who—”

“I know! Fuck dude, I already feel so fucking awful for forgetting.”

“Oh, you feel awful? How do you fucking think it felt to be standing there with my partner so fucking scared they can’t even move? How do you justify that, Richard? Huh?”

The line is quiet for a second, and Jeremy can hear himself breath, heart ringing in his ears. He can feel his entire body heave with every inhale, eyes blurry, hands sweaty. This entire thing could’ve been avoided if Rich hadn’t forgotten about a very important detail. For a minute or two, Jeremy thinks Rich hung up, tired of hearing him yell about this. But it was justified. This was a big fucking deal that could’ve ended in death. Did Rich just not see that or—

“Okay, Jeremy. You gotta fucking promise me that you’re going to take a second and calm down.”

“I don’t even—”

“Jeremiah Heere.”

Initially, Jeremy removed the phone from his ear, thinking his dad had called him downstairs for “using so much foul language”. It’s quiet in the house, however, as Jeremy’s dad usually calls more than once for him. The silence is enough to tell Jeremy that it was Rich who had suddenly sounded like a parent to him, calling him by his full name, something usually only his dad does. The snap back into reality hits him hard, causing an exhale, and a step back. “Alright.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah.”

“So, Florida girl.”

“Does she have a name?”

“I’m getting there. Florida girl. She had…there was a lot that happened, okay? It’s not really…my thing to tell, but just…trust me, dude, it was a lot. There was stuff with her best frie—former best friend and…it just really got to her, which is completely understandable, and we uhh saw Christine for a bit and that uhh helped, I thought at least, and then we went to go and get groceries since Gabe asked us to.” There’s a pause here, a deep breath passes through the speaker, almost as if Rich is too afraid to talk about the next part of the explanation. “We uhh…we got back to my place…and I put the truck in park…you remember the truck…and she-she like…”

Another pause hits, this time longer and shakier than the last. A good thirty seconds goes by of nothing, before Jeremy finally says something, seeing if he’s still on the line. “Rich?”

“Yeah, uhh…we basically made out before—y’know, I uh, had to stop her since…it’s…she-she didn’t want that. She was really upset…and uh, since that happened, it…it honestly just slipped my mind, Jeremy. I’m so sorry, dude.”

As much as reality hurt, Jeremy was sent back to the past. This was a case he was somewhat familiar with. When you came over that very first time, with you being so upset, there had been shared kisses, there had been implications of moving forward, but Jeremy stopped them. The second time it happened, you had stopped them from previous trauma. He didn’t move forward because it wasn’t healthy, and with you dissociating, it wasn’t consensual, even if it was just kissing. The concept, the scenario, everything was familiar to Jeremy. The act of wanting to feel something good and being so desperate for happiness was something you’d been trying to achieve over a year ago. Jeremy could understand how something so big slipped his mind.

That being said, historically, Rich has been one to use that to his advantage. Although things seemed better now, Jeremy was still unsure that it was just…left with that; that Rich had dropped any idea of taking advantage after this encounter. Sure, the SQUIP was gone, but Rich also sounded upset, so he could’ve…done it later. He had to say something, anything, to clear the air and make sure that things ended at least somewhat okay. If they didn’t, Jeremy would hang up. If they did…that would be a discussion for later.

“So, you didn’t…?”

“Fuck dude, no way. She just slept in my room and I took the couch. I wanted her to be safe…you know? That…would not have been safe.”

“Alright.”

“Okay?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I think so.”

“Are we…are we good?”

“I think so. Uhh sorry about—”

“No, Jeremy, you had every reason to be mad. I’m mad at myself for forgetting.”

“But you had—”

“Yeah.”

There’s another pause, the conversation starting to end as both ends of the call calm down. “Hey Jeremy?”

“Yeah?”

“I should uh, go. Gabe made food, and I have stuff I have to do, but I’m so sorry. I don’t think I can say it enough.”

“I accept the apology, Rich.”

“Thanks, Jeremy.”

“Of course. Let me know when you have a day free. I feel like…we need to catch up.”

“I’ll keep you posted.”

“Bye.”

“See ya.”

The call ends with a click, an hour and a half going by easily. He’d have to tell you what Rich said, of course, but the conversation should be in person so that Jeremy can express what was happening without being too telling of the mystery girl. Night is in full swing as Jeremy pulls out his phone, texting you again.

Jeremy: Are you feeling any better?

You: Yeah. Just playing Life is Strange. I’m so sorry about dinner

Jeremy: Don’t worry about it, okay? We can make it up a different day.

You: Are you sure?

Jeremy: Positive.

You: You’re so sweet, thank you so much for being there for me and not…getting really mad that we have to postpone it.

Jeremy: You can’t control something like that. I don’t expect you to. It’s one date. We can go whenever we both feel comfortable with it.

You: Call you tomorrow?

Jeremy: Yeah. Jeremy: I care about you a lot, so please get some rest, okay? Don’t stress about today, and if anything happens, I’m here.

You: Thank you, Jer. You too.

#Jeremy Heere x reader #Jeremy Heere imagine #Be More Chill x Reader #Be More Chill imagine #BMC x reader #BMC imagine

40 notes · View notes

ohscorbus · 5 years

Text

Hello and welcome to the Cursed Child/Dear Evan Hansen AU.

Evan Hansen - Scorpius Malfoy (Hufflepuff)

Heidi Hansen - Draco Malfoy

Connor Murphy - James Sirius Potter (Gryffindor)

Zoe Murphy - Albus Severus Potter (Slytherin)

Cynthia Murphy - Ginny Weasley

Larry Murphy - Harry Potter

Alana Beck - Rose Granger-Weasley

Jared Kleinman - Teddy Lupin (Hufflepuff)

Draco is raising his socially awkward son on little money (war reparations cleared the Malfoy’s out and decent work is hard to come by with his history) without Astoria (who still dies because even if this is an AU, she’d never abandon them willingly.) Scorpius means more to him than anything and he does everything he can to help him. Whether it’s mind healers or potions or just a simple hug or quick conversation at the end of the day. He knows school isn’t easy for Scorpius with his family name but he’s dedicated his life to making things right. For himself and for his son.

James is the first born who’s suppose to be the role model for his younger siblings and on the surface that’s exactly what he is. The proud son of Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley. The popular guy and Quidditch captain. He has friends in the classroom and fans on the pitch and but on the inside? He’s a lonely mess. His friends don’t know the real him. He’s lived behind a mask of smiles and lies for years until finally, it just gets too much…

Albus is the typical middle child. He’s struggling with himself, with school, with his family. He focuses on his guitar in hopes it’ll drown out all of his problems. It can’t though. He watches his family crumble in the wake of his brother’s death. But not him. He’s angry. He feels lied to, betrayed. They could have helped each other. They were both suffering and they could have saved each other but instead James just left.

Scorpius is trying to please his dad, survive school, and connect with Albus, the beautiful boy in the school band who plays like no one’s watching. He’s the bright spark in his murky world. But his anxiety makes him awkward and sweaty and unable to approach. So he daydreams and studies and shuffles from appointment to appointment in hopes it’ll stop his dad from worrying.

Rose is focused on school and breaking all those records she’d told herself she’d do in first year. She’s sacrificed friends and family time but she didn’t realise the impact that had until it was too late. Every time she speaks of James now the ache in her chest gets heavier. She should have known. She should have been there. So she pretends she was to ease the guilt.

Teddy makes uncool ‘cool’ and says he talks to Scorpius because it makes his grandmother happy, but really it’s because he doesn’t have too many friends himself. His bumbling family friend (they’re actually related but they don’t talk about it) might be the school pariah but it isn’t unusual to find them hanging out in the Hufflepuff common room together.

(You’ll need to already know the story of DEH to follow this as I haven’t written up every single step of the plot. But hopefully, to those of you familiar with it, it’s enough to follow and make you cry enjoy.)

“Anybody Have a Map?” - Dear Scorpius Malfoy, today’s going to be a good day and here’s why… Draco gives his son a pep talk before school. Ginny is juggling her husband’s excessive work hours, Lily’s breakfast, Albus’s refusal to wake up, and James slips through her fingers. He says he has Quidditch practice early and leaves without food or a goodbye.

“Waving Through a Window” - School has been a lonely place for Scorpius. Life outside of the classroom isn’t much better either.

James finds Scorpius on the school grounds and asks him why nobody has signed his cast yet. He makes the saddest little chuckle when Scorpius explains it’s because he has no friends. James feels that. He signs it so big that it doesn’t matter that no one will sign it. He always has been good at filling empty spaces with false facades.

Scorpius is sat outside writing his letter to himself before class. It’s all going okay until he loses it in a freak gust of wind and it ends up in the path of James, who’s walking back from training. He picks it up before Scorpius can get to it and they both freeze when James reads Albus’s name aloud. He felt sorry for this boy before, now he’s angry. He’s just another ‘Potter’ fan. He pockets the letter and storms off before Scorpius can properly explain. Or get his letter back.

“For Forever” - All Scorpius has ever wanted was a best friend to get up to mayhem with. He thought, once he finally got to Hogwarts, it would happen. But it didn’t. They saw his hair and heard his name and that was enough for people to walk away. This picture perfect afternoon didn’t happen with James, but it happens all the time in his head. Him and his best friend. Goofing around like buddies do. It was easy to lie as it brought him just as much comfort, losing himself in the dream, as it does the Potters in their relief that their son wasn’t as alone as they had feared.

“Sincerely, Me” - Teddy teases Scorpius about how making it sound like he was in a secret relationship with James will do him no favours in trying to win Albus’s heart. Scorpius is mortified and flustered but they push on to write the ‘secret’ letters.

“Requiem” - James wasn’t the only one struggling, Albus was too. But was open about it. Yet James never once reached out when he could have and should have as a brother in Albus’s eyes. He feels betrayed and even more alone and absolutely refuses to grieve. Ginny is completely blindsided and finds comfort in the letters. She sees the care and the jokes in his words and mourns the loss of the boy she knew at heart. Harry cannot process any of it. He’s done nothing but his best but he still failed. He doesn’t understand. Now he’s watching his family break and he’s feeling just as lost but still he tries.

“If I Could Tell Her” - Albus is a hard nut to crack but slowly and surely, Scorpius’s words get through to him. These observations aren’t the obvious ones, the kind that end up in the gossip columns in the Prophet. They’re the subtle things that make Albus Albus so they must come from James because who else would be paying him that much attention? The way he still doodles on his dad’s face in the newspaper. Those subtle green streaks he put in his hair in fifth year. How his sleeves are always a little too big but he likes it. The way he smiles when he plays his guitar as if there’s no audience at all. The near kiss brings him back to the present and he runs off. Utterly confused at Scorpius’s action and even more so at his own feelings.

“Disappear” - Scorpius rallies Teddy and Rose and they start The James Project. They hope to raise awareness by campaigning to name one of the Quidditch stands in his honour. They hope it’ll remind students that they’re not alone. On the pitch, in the stand, and in life.

“You Will Be Found” - Scorpius pushes aside his anxiety and gives the speech that surprisingly makes the front page of The Daily Prophet. He’s overwhelmed by the positive reaction, both from the media and the other kids at school. It brings him hope and he clutches the tie around his neck and, not for the first time, wishes he really was a friend to James.

Scorpius’s lies get him tangled up into the Potter’s lives and he goes along with it to help them. But all too soon he’s caught up in mum hugs and Harry’s attention. It’s easy to admire Harry. Harry is everything Draco isn’t in everybody’s eyes. The hero. Life with the Potters is different. Better. People talk to him at school. He doesn’t need his medication. And then there’s Albus...

“To Break in a Glove” - Harry’s instincts have always been to save. So he sees Scorpius alone, having lost his best friend, and he’ll step in and do everything he can to help. That’s exactly how he’s going to work through this unimaginable pain. He’ll try and save another child. A young boy who doesn’t deserve to suffer his father’s sins, to lose a parent, to be without friends.

“Only Us” - Albus finally visits the small house the Malfoys call home and tries to reassure Scorpius. He likes him. Just him. For exactly who he is. The geekiness, the sweaty palms, the rambling. Those are his favourite things about him.

“Good For You” - Draco gets an invite to the Potters house. He watches as his son walks in without knocking, like he lives there, like he apparently has been. Scorpius sees the moment it clicks for his father. When he realises everything he’s done hasn’t been enough, that he’s not enough. Draco shows anger but Scorpius sees his heart break. Their argument at home only makes things worse. Rose is furious and Teddy won’t talk to him. Everything is falling apart for Scorpius.

“Words Fail” - Suffocating in the guilt as the Potters are subjected to cruelty Scorpius knows only too well, he finally breaks and it costs him everything. Ginny walks off without a hug. Albus leaves without looking at him, as if he’s invisible. Again. Harry pauses but there are no words. He turns away and Scorpius returns home. To his dad and his regret.

“So Big / So Small” - And I knew there would be space I couldn’t fill and I knew I’d come up short a million different ways and I did, and I do, and I will… Draco and Scorpius finally talk openly about Astoria and the irreplaceable space she left behind. They talk about the war. Draco’s guilt at the toll it’s taken on Scorpius, how it’s left him struggling to provide. They talk about his letter, his medication, his arm, his right now and his future. It’s difficult and long but the bone crushing hug at the end pulls them back together.

“Finale” - Albus asks Scorpius to meet him on the Quidditch pitch so he could see Jame’s name on his stand. It’s the first time they’ve seen each other since that day. Scorpius dropped out and was homeschooled for the rest of the year. He passed his exams and worked on his mental health. Draco works less hours but the extra time he gets with his son has been invaluable to them both.

The two boys talk and finally make peace. Scorpius expresses his confusion and gratitude at the Potters for not exposing the truth and his lies. They walk along the pitch and Scorpius can’t help but think of his perfect afternoon. How this is really happening. Here and now, with Albus. After their first loop he stops and turns to Scorpius before introducing himself like they’ve never met before. Scorpius takes his hand, his forgiveness, and the promise of more. Some day.

This post was brought to you by years worth of love for DEH and CC. This started out as a conversation with @littlerose13writes forever ago and while it did come back and haunt us occasionally, it took finally seeing the show again in London to make me really want to write it all up and share it : )

#this won’t make much sense if you don’t already know DEH (sorry!)#scorpius malfoy #albus potter #scorbus #james sirius potter #draco malfoy #teddy lupin #rose granger weasley #harry potter #ginny weasley #mypost #text post #(I’d also like to publicly apologise to james and also teddy because I ship these two just as much as scorbus and yet here I am…)#CC DEH AU #or does 'cursed evan hansen' work better as a tag? or 'dear cursed child'???#anyway #long post #(this is under a read more but you know what tumblr is like)

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permanantheadache · 4 years

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It’s officially the 5th where I am! Happy DEH Gift Exchange! @sincerely-us My person was @iellostar Hope you like this!!

The prompts were: evan and connor on a road trip. like, to set the scene: like those aus of people running away and disappearing when they turn 18. And: Connor comes out to his dad and it doesnt go well, he goes to evans and heidi and evan comfort him and its super sweet and cute. And, like....for the art I did the first one, but...I kind of also did fic. Because I was worried that this drawing wasn’t very good. So, I combined the two prompts and made the fic below. It’s also on Ao3

Connor is smiling. It’s a gentle thing, this smile. Warm, happy. It’s Evan’s favorite, even though it’s the rarest.

Evan has been watching this smile form for the past hour. The further they get away from civilization, from all the drama waiting for them back home, the more relaxed Connor gets.

Anxiety and anger and stress leach away from his face, softening the line of his shoulders until he’s practically slumping in his seat.

“You’re staring,” Connor says. It’s not a complaint.

“I have a cute boyfriend,” Evan counters anyway.

Connor rolls his eyes, but his cheeks turn pink. “No, you.”

The road around them is deserted, which is how Evan’s anxiety likes it. This is the main reason he doesn’t protest when Connor takes one hand off the wheel to lace with Evan’s.

Evan pulls their joined hands up to give Connor’s knuckles a kiss.

It’s Heidi’s idea, originally. Long before Connor and Evan are even dating, she suggests that the two of them take a roadtrip, the summer before college. She thinks getting away from the stress of school and work, as well as their peers, might do them a lot of good.

She references Evan’s pin map, the one he abandoned at the beginning of the year--he’s replaced some of the old pins in their spots, as well as adding new pins to places that Connor mentions he’d like to see someday.

Heidi’s pleased that Evan’s retaken up his old habit, but she’s a little too smug about those new pins for his liking.

They have nothing to do with his crush on Connor, mom!

Not…not that he has a crush on Connor.

…

Okay, yes, he’s completely gone on Connor.

Thankfully, as Evan finds out later, Connor reciprocates those feelings!

But that’s a story for another time.

Connor is completely on board with Heidi’s idea, once it’s brought up to him. He’s perfectly happy to spend some time away from his family, especially if Evan’s there. The three of them make a cautious plan that, the month after graduation, Connor and Evan will hit the road.

Heidi, after nearly thirteen years of single-parenthood, is a master at budgeting. She helps them plan out where they’ll stay and the costs. It’s more than a little confusing to both boys, but to Connor especially. He’s shit at math and numbers.

Between their two jobs, and Heidi and Connor’s mother helping, they should be perfectly fine, money-wise, to do what they’d like.

“I wanna go to Bear Mountain,” Connor tells Evan.

Evan blinks, surprised. “I mean, me too, but isn’t hiking more my thing?” His eyes widen and he tries to backtrack. “Not that I think you don’t exercise! I just--”

“Let’s be real, I don’t exercise,” Connor scoffs, cutting Evan’s panic off at the knees. “But it’s in On the Road and you know I’m a hoe for anything to do with books.”

“Yeah, but you’re my hoe.”

“...”

“You know what I meant, asshole!”

They end up having to move up their timeline by a week. Because Larry and Connor get into their worst fight since the beginning of the school year.

The thing is, Connor and Evan have been open about their relationship to Heidi since the very beginning. And they tell Cynthia not long after. Both women are, to put it lightly, overly supportive of their relationship. It’s genuine, but Connor can tell that some of Cynthia’s furver stems from guilt. And because Evan and Connor have been mentally healthier since they became friends.

(They both still have their bad days. Some are worse than others. But, it helps. To not be alone.)

Unfortunately, Cynthia broaches the topic of telling Larry.

And she keeps bringing it up.

It takes two full months of convincing before Connor agrees to tell--if only to stop her nagging him.

Because Connor is a realist, he expresses his doubt to Evan. Larry has never been the most accepting--even about things that most straight, white men at least tolerate.

Connor won’t say that he’s worried, per say. But he’s got a bad feeling in his gut. And his gut is rarely wrong.

Connor has an emergency bag stashed at the Hansen house.

The first time that Connor has a fight with his family, post-becoming-friends with Evan, Connor crawls in through Evan’s bedroom window. It’s the middle of October, and freezing, and Connor has on shorts and a thin shirt. He’s shivering, in rage and because he’s cold.

After Evan gets done shrieking at the potential burglar, he loans Connor some sweats and makes him hot chocolate. He gets down all the spare blankets and make a cocoon in the living room.

Connor spends the night. The sweats are too short, but he wears them anyway. They don’t talk about what drove him to Evan’s house. They watch Food Network in near comfortable silence (though Evan can’t stop the worried look he keeps aiming at Connor, and Connor can’t fully relax until he’s passed out).

Connor crawls through Evan’s bedroom window three more times before Heidi (having caught on after the second time) gives him a spare key and a suggestion that he keep extra clothes in Evan’s closet.

“We’re always happy to have you over,” she tells him gently, closing his hand around the key she’s put in it. She’s smiling, her gentle amusement crinkling her eyes. “Just, maybe use the door?”

And so, there comes to be a small backpack filled with just enough clothes for an overnight visit and something for the next day.

At first.

Over time, the contents of the bag shift, as Connor comes over for impromptu sleepovers--and, as he and Evan became closer friends, more scheduled sleepovers--and switch out the clothes for fresh ones.

Eventually, Evan, kind of tired of how over-full the bag is getting (he keeps tripping over it when he needs something from the back of the closet), cleans out the bottom drawer of his dresser and puts all of Connor’s things in there.

It feels like something permanent, Connor having his own drawer in Evan’s house.

Connor drives, half-blind from the angry tears streaming down his face, until he reaches the familiar street that the Hansens’ reside on. He probably parks crooked.

He doesn’t care.

His hand is shaking as he pulls out his phone.

Connor: Im outisde

Fukc

Im outsidee

He can’t fucking type properly because his hands are shaking and he’s crying too hard and he hates this he hates his dad he hates himself he hates--

“--hey, Con, hey.”

He didn’t hear the car door open. Evan’s blurry figure is beside him, close but not touching. Connor nearly lunges to pull his boyfriend against him, immediately burying his face in Evan’s neck. He desperately needs the contact.

Evan is good at hugs.

(When Connor brings it up, their first month of dating, Evan goes deeply red. But he hugs Connor even more after that, so he counts it as a win.)

He breathes in Evan’s scent, a woodsy floral thing that never fails to send some signal to Connor’s brain that he’s safe . That, paired with the shaky hand running over his hair, practically hard-resets all the tension in his body.

He doesn’t know how long he stands there, curled around Evan’s body, but eventually he finds himself pulling away. “I fucking hate crying,” he grumbles, voice crackly from tears. He scrubs at his face roughly.

Evan pulls Connor’s hands away from his face. He keeps holding them. “C’mon, you can wash your face. And you’re probably dehydrated now, so I’ll get you some water. Otherwise—”

“—otherwise I’m gonna end up with a migraine,” Connor agrees. He’s suddenly exhausted. He allows Evan to lead him inside.

—

Heidi is on the phone when they come in. Her back is to the door, so she doesn’t see them right away. “Yes, Cynthia, of course I’ll look out for him. Yes. As long as he needs to be here. He’s like a son to me.”

Connor can’t hold back the intake of breath at her words--she actually seems to mean them. It makes his chest ache. His eyes burn anew.

Heidi turns at his small noise. Her eyes go wide, and then soften with sadness and affection. “He’s here Cynthia. I’ll have him call you later.” She puts down the phone and immediately gathers him into a hug. “Oh, sweetheart, I’m so sorry.”

Connor crumples in her hold, going limp against her. And, he finds, he is not quite done crying.

There’s a brush of another hand on Connor’s back. “I’ll go get you that water,” Evan says gently. He leaves the two of them alone.

Heidi leads Connor over to sit on the couch. He sits, curling against her like a little kid. She’s patting at his hair. It’s nice.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

Connor shrugs. “Did my mom tell you what happened?” he asks, after a moment. His voice is scratchy as hell.

“She said that you and Larry had an argument.”

He scoffs. “That’s putting it lightly.”

She waits for him to go on.

“I just.” He sighs. “You and my mom and Zoe--you guys were all happy when Ev and I got together. I wanted. Part of me just wanted Larry to at least…accept it.” He laughs. It’s not a happy sound. “It’s not like I’ve ever exactly hidden the fact that I’m not super hetero.”

“Sometimes we’re blind to things we don’t want to see,” Heidi says gently.

Evan sits down next to them, placing three cups of water on the coffee table. He takes Connor’s hand again.

Connor chokes on a sob. “I don’t get why the hell it hurts so bad? It’s Larry , I shouldn’t be so cut up about this!”

It’s Evan who speaks, squeezing at their laced hands. “He should’ve been supportive of you. It’s not your fault he’s a--a shitty human being.”

“I don’t want to see him,” Connor confesses. “I don’t--I can’t…”

“Well, you’re staying here, honey,” Heidi says, firm. “As long as you want. Cynthia is sending Zoe over with your stuff in the morning.”

“I’m sorry. I’m shoving all my garbage off on you guys.” He feels like such a burden.

“Hon, we care about you. The people in your life that care, they help carry anything you can’t.”

Connor sits up, rubs at his running nose. Evan hands him a glass of water. He drinks half of it down. “‘M tired,” he says.

“It’s late,” Heidi agrees. “You boys should go ahead and lay down.”

Connor and Evan are still holding hands as they make their way upstairs. They curl up together on Evan’s tiny bed, but neither of them sleep yet.

Evan is tracing circles across Connor’s back with his free hand. His voice is quiet. “How would you feel about leaving this week, instead of next?”

Connor slumps in relief, giving a brief, jerky nod.. “That would actually be perfect.” His hold on Evan tightens. “I don’t…I can’t stay in the same town with him. I think I’ll lose my shit if I see him.”

“Valid. I think I might punch him if I see him.”

“Babe.”

“I’m serious. He hurt you, I hate him.”

They’re driving down to Harriman State Park, their first stop--mainly due to its proximity to Bear Mountain and the Appalachian trail.

It’s sunny, but not hot. It’s the perfect temperature for a hike. At least, according to Evan.

Connor has to sit down on a rock twenty minutes in. He’s sweating buckets and glaring at Evan. Evan is entirely too cheerful. “How are you so upbeat?” Connor whines. He reluctantly accepts an offered water bottle. “Don’t you hate sweating?”

“Of course I do, but when I’m sweating because I’m doing something I enjoy, it doesn’t affect me as much.”

Connor smirks behind his water bottle, giving Evan a raised eyebrow.

“Oh shut the hell up, you know what I meant!”

“Do I?”

“I’m not the one wearing black!”

The sun is just beginning to set when they make camp. Which is something that Connor actually knows how to do.

Those few years in Boy Scouts that Larry forced him to do are actually useful.

Connor scowls. He’s not going to think about Larry. He’s on a trip with his awesome boyfriend and he’s not going to let anyone ruin that. Not even himself.

It’s still early enough in the summer that night time is significantly cooler. It’s the perfect temperature for cuddling. Evan and Connor take full advantage and curl up together.

“Jeezus ,” Connor squeaks, flinching away from the icicles currently assaulting his legs. “Why are your feet so cold?”

A somewhat devious giggle slips out of his boyfriend. “I have p--I have poor circulation?”

“How come I haven’t noticed this before?”

“I usually wear socks at home, but I’m not going to sleep in sweaty socks. That’s gross.”

Connor heaves a long sigh and submits to Evan sticking his freezing toes all over his shins. “You’re lucky I love you.”

Evan hums happily and says, far too seriously, “I love you, too.”

It should be a big moment, them saying those words to each other for the first time. But, Connor likes this better. He likes that they’re calm and pleasantly sleepy from the long drive and difficult hike. His muscles ache in a good way (though he won’t likely feel that way come morning). And he is cuddling with his boyfriend, who loves him.

He snuggles more firmly against Evan and drifts off to sleep.

#Dear Evan Hansen Gift Exchange #iellostar #deh #my fic #tree bros #my art #connor murphy #evan hansen #Heidi Hansen #this is saved in my google docs as 'dear ev hansen why r u so hard to write. this story's shitty but i hope they'll think it's alright' lmao #Present tense #bc that's literally the only way i know how to write lmao #it is 9am on the 5th here so even if its the 4th in most other places im gonna post this rip me #sorry this is dumb and im dumb #stay tuned for the reject drawing!!#which is in my other sketch pad at work! so like tomorrow or something!#im gonna go hide now

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