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raggaraddy · 3 years

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Sauna

Summary: Taehyung always makes you wait on him, but he is going to make sure you learn that he should never have to wait on you.

Trigger Warnings: Smut, Smut, Smut, abuse, Dom/sub-themes, examples of a bad D/s dynamic, ambiguous torture.

Taehyung

Yandere!Taehyung

Dom!Taehyung

You've been waiting for Taehyung for hours now. Once again work claims his time and focus. Luckily his luxurious house has plenty to keep you entertained. Knowing Tae, it could be anywhere from 30 minutes to 8 hours that he's locked away. So while you patiently wait for him to be available you decide to make use of the sauna. You know you'll be able to quickly shower and be ready for him within a few minutes when he calls. And he won't mind wet hair or a lack of makeup. He isn't interested in anything like that. He just wants you in position ready for him.

Spending lots of 20 minutes, you cycle through small sessions in the heat and steam with rests in between. It gets to near 90 minutes and on your fourth time heading into the sauna you can feel you are just about at your limit, your head starting to become a bit light.

After only 5 minutes more you decide to cut it short. You remember you haven't really drunk enough water throughout the day and you don't want to risk overdoing it and becoming dazed with Taehyung.

Standing up, you bundle your towel wiping at the sweat dripping from your forehead. You jump as you bring it down, startled by Taehyung standing in the doorway suddenly, looking displeased.

"Ignoring my calls are you?" He opens the sauna door questioning sternly. Your smile changes into a frown of confusion. He called? He never called. Or at least your phone never rang.

"No," you shake your head feeling flustered at suddenly being put on the spot. Passing him diffidently he backs out of the doorway and allows you to exit into the cooldown room.

"Then why did I have to come searching for you?" he berates.

You know you checked the volume. You purposefully made it as loud as you could because you wanted to make sure you would hear it over the music in the sauna. You pick up your phone only to find it dead. You checked the volume but not the battery, and you didn't think to look at it in the past hour, not wanting to touch it while you were sweaty.

Putting the phone face down, sheepishly you turn around. Taehyung hates to be kept waiting. It's something he never tolerates. And you know what he'll say. That being careless is not a sufficient excuse.

"I'm sorry, Sir. It won't happen again." You apologize contritely, nervously fiddling with your fingers.

"That's not what I asked girl." He demands an answer to his question. The laid back manner with which he stands does not match the harshness of his tone or wording. Usually, he calls you with some variation of little girl or baby girl or good girl. But when it's just girl, you know you've upset him.

"I- my phone died." You pick it up to prove it to him. "I'm sorry" you mumble.

“So what your saying is your lack of attention has caused me to wait on you.” He scolds, his stare hardening.

While you feel bad, you’re starting to get frustrated. He's being hypocritical. It’s not like you did it on purpose. It was an accident and he’s being too harsh. “Well, I had to wait for you too. Like, nearly 3 hours.” You argue back, instantly regretting your stupid lack of impulse control.

"Excuse me," He challenges with a tight jaw. You know it's rhetorical and not meant to be answered. The best thing is to stay silent and continue to look down at your fingers.

For a moment too long he is quiet and motionless. Your eyes flick up to see what kind of response he is having, only to see him standing stiffly, his features tight as he assesses you unblinkingly. You're feeling dumb, knowing you've just put yourself in a bad position at the start of your weekend session with Tae.

You audibly whimper from nerves, wanting to undo some of the damage. "I'm sor-"

“Come here Y/n”. He interrupts, holding his hand out for you. From his demeanour, you know you're in trouble, but your not sure how yet. However, slightly apprehensively, you accept his outreached hand.

He opens the sauna door, holding it wide and gesturing for you to enter. You pause hesitantly unsure of where he is going with this.

"After making you wait so long for me, I would hate to interrupt you. Go back in. I'll even join you." Now it's his eerily pleasant tone that doesn't match his observable frustration and the slowly tightening grip on your wrist.

Lightly you shake your head, not wanting to say any variation of the word no. "I-it's okay, Sir. I was done."

"Go in." And now to your dismay, the chill of his voice and his body language match. He orders you into the sauna pointedly, his expression daring you to debate it further.

Swallowing heavily, you can't help the way his domineering tone is filling your stomach with butterflies. Even when he gets scary- especially when he gets scary- you find him so attractive. But you know you need to take this moment seriously, or risk getting yourself further into strife.

You nod, going back into the sauna, the warm wet heat swarming around you again quickly making your breath feel smothered. Sitting on one of the wooden benches, you get lower trying to get out of the rising heat. Sweat right away returning to your brow and neck.

After a few minutes, Taehyung comes in, having removed his clothes. He puts down a towel and sits alongside you, resting back with his arms up on either side, his eyes closed as he enjoys the warmth. You try to do the same. But even after a little while more, you're becoming more and more uncomfortable. You try to bear it as long as you can, but as another 10 minutes pass your head begins to thump, your eyes becoming unfocused.

"Okay." You say standing up with a wobble. "This was really nice. But I'm getting a little dizzy. I think I should go out."

"Sit down." He says without opening his eyes. You're looking through the glass door to the cool of the outside longingly. It's starting to hurt being in here, but you're sure Tae knows that.

"Please, Sir. I don't feel well." You try again to plead your point. Despite your discomfort, you still don't want to act on your own. Outrightly disobeying him would disregard everything that your relationship is built on.

"Do you really want to test me right now, little girl?" He says, his head rested back with a smirk.

"You're being unfair." You pout, lightly stomping your foot.

He chuckles, rolling his head forward. "The answer's yes apparently." He stands and your gaze drops to eye height looking at his collar bone. He steps towards you and you step back. And again. Pushing you to the other side of the room. Your legs come into contact with the bench and as he steps at you again, with nowhere left to go, you fall down onto the seat, coming face height with his lower stomach and crotch.

An embarrassed glow fans over your cheeks as you realize what your first impulse is. You stifle a giggle, biting your lip.

"Little Y/n, who's in charge here?"

Those words said in that deep tone have you momentarily forgetting how dehydrated and sick you feel. His voice sending a wave of shivers down your spine and up your neck.

"You are." You purr back, having to push your thighs together with a new kind of heat rushing through your stomach.

"And when I tell you to do something, you do it. Isn't that right?" His salacious words are accompanied by his hand curling around your jaw, his thumb resting on your lips pressing for entrance into your mouth. Instinctually, you open for him and suck his thumb, looking up at him with wide eyes. There's a small lustful smile on his face and in his eyes. But it's the way he licks and bites his lip that has another bolt of heat shooting through your core.

You nod to his question, sucking firmer, taking it deeper and rubbing your tongue along it. Emboldened by the ravenous look in his eye.

Taehyung removes his hand, it shoving your shoulder, making you crash back into the wall. He grabs your legs and roughly throws them onto the double-tiered bench, having you lay along it. Climbing on top of it, he pushes himself between your legs making you spread them wider to accommodate him. Right away you nearly melt feeling his hardening member.

"When I tell you to sit, you don't argue. Do you?" He leans over the top of you, his hand rested next to your head.

"No, Sir." You whisper back breathlessly, shaking your head.

He presses his hips down, rubbing himself between your legs, slipping effortlessly with how wet you already are. You buck upwards trying to encourage him to go further, trying to meet him that last little bit to get what your craving.

"And when I tell you to wait for my call, you make sure to wait patiently and be a good girl for me, don't you?"

"Yes," you pant.

He smirks, approving of your answers. His lips come to yours, licking over your bottom lip before his tongue enters your mouth. Slowly he sinks deep inside you, making you moan and whine.

"You don't need to ask Y/n. Cum as much as you want. But you don't move till I'm done."

A small excited smile fills your face, and you nod back. As far as punishments go, this one seems great. He's not denying you, and he said you can cum as much as you want, so he's not going to overstimulate you. At the moment, you can't see the downside.

Gradually he starts to move, and you bring your hips up to his to match his rhythm, groaning and moaning the whole time. It isn't long until Taehyungs skilled strokes have you exploding around him, giving you the ecstasy you sought after.

But as your high starts to fade, you again gain clarity and realization of your surroundings. You're no longer desperately working towards release and you can again feel the hot air going down your throat. The excess heat of Taehyungs skin on yours. The way your bodies slip along one another due to sweat, or the sweat dripping from Tae's body all over you. You're wet and sore and the longer he continues, even as he brings you to another orgasm, it feels tainted with the suffocation of the sweltering heat.

Taehyung can see it. The look of excitement you had, turning swiftly into one of worry and distress as your distraction faded. And he is revelling once again in how transparent your emotions are to him. Enjoying being able to see how you're suffering but still obeying him.

As he makes you cum for a third time, your body throbs in pleasure but your head thumps in pain. Your chest hurting and your breath short. Your eyes getting glassy. A sick feeling nudging at the back of your throat.

He keeps going, unrelenting for far too long. Keeping himself slow and steady, breaking to kiss and paw at you every now and then to draw it out even longer.

With a stolen glance at the clock on the wall, you can only estimate that he has been fucking you for at least 30 minutes. It's too much. You're so past your limit you can barely keep your eyes open or move. You want to ask him to stop, but you know his order not to move including asking if you could. And you are aware it wasn't a suggestion.

By the time Taehyung finally cums, you're completely spent, nearly unconscious. So much so that after taking a second to catch his own breath, he has to carry you out of the sauna.

As he lays you on the bench in the cool-down room, your body is shivering with dehydration. Any second now, you fear you're going to throw up. Or completely pass out.

But Taehyung doesn't care. He hates to wait on you and he knows he certainly made his point. His only care is that he makes sure you're not confused as to why your suffering right now. "The next time I tell you to wait for me, Y/n," He clarifies with a stern tone, tapping your face lightly to make sure your eyes are open, "I expect you to be actively waiting, and to come running the second I call. Am I understood?"

#bts #yandere bts #yandere #bts fanfic #bangtan #yandere bangtan #bts smut #yandere taehyung #dom!taehyung #bangtan smut #bangtan smut reactions #bts smut reactions #bts taehyung #taehyung #taehyung smut

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unsoundedcomic · 2 years

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What Sette did was shitty but Duane should endeavor to be better to the ten year old who has been abused her whole life and was terrified of losing her friends. Duane also had been increasingly neglectful of Sette as he got more and more zealous

Also: "To the why help Sette anon: why ever help anyone in need? Why spend time and resources towards assisting someone who probably will never be ABLE to do the same for you? There are the self-gratifying reasons, sure, but usually it's the moral/ethical reasons that drive people to do such things. To do unto others in need as they would wish done in their own need. The calculus of 'owing' is for the material; immaterial Goodness can have inherent worth of its own."

And: "She was raised in an environment that encouraged/demanded that kind of behavior? She didn’t really think he was an actual human until she fell into his khert dream and saw he was a Da? She only used the pendant on him during his otherwise mindless ravening nights, except this most recent time, where it was because she thought it was for his own good to stay at the shrine and let them enjoy themselves? (And ok, also to troll some upstuck shrine people? How bout just cause it’s the kind thing?"

Gonna reply to: "Does it bother you that so many people buy into your characters’ rationalizations of why they shouldn’t strive to improve themselves in favor of stewing on the hurts that have been inflicted on them? You’ve been kind of clear about the “mean makes mean” looping in endless cycles without enough being brave enough to step up and make it right causing needless misery to everyone… the superweapon is literally a slurry of painful regrets lashing out on the world to perpetuate and fuel itself with sad"

It doesn't bother me at all because we're all human. We're by and large prevented by our own egos from overlooking the trespasses of others upon our person. It's insanely hard to put your ego aside and not only forgive someone else for hurting you, but then go ahead and make a sacrifice for their sake. Only the very best of us can do it, and sometimes when we see these people do it we think they're chumps and suckers and doormats.

I daresay it's unnatural to be the better person and forgive. The natural thing is to repay slights, seek vengeance, or at the least walk away. But to answer cruelty with kindness? That's friggin' weird.

If Duane manages it, he's friggin' weird. Exceptional and weird.

It does happen sometimes though. One of the more striking examples I personally know of was the reconciliation process between the Tutsis and Hutus after the Rwandan genocide, where people publicly forgave others who'd murdered their families, so they could coexist among them without perpetuating retributive violence.

You hear about it and it's wild, man. How could you forgive someone who savagely, cold-bloodedly executed most of your family for no good reason?

But the other option is to carry that rage inside you, letting it consume you until you act upon it and become a murderer yourself. If you don't put it down it ruins your life; poisons everything.

Maintaining that rage is natural, right? That feels like it's what any of us would do. But what if you didn't *have* to? What if there was an option to forgive?

Good news is that there is, and you can set that rage down any time you're ready. It's just unspeakably difficult. But maybe it's a little easier after you've been humbled, and your own ego has lost some of its shine.

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toast-the-unknowing · 2 years

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👻 🗑 and 💕 for the fic ask game!

WIP question answered over here!

Have you written holiday-themed fics? If yes, which is your fave? If not, what’s one holiday you’d want to write for, and which character(s) would the fic be for?

I can think of some OLD examples of holiday themed fics I've written, I know I did an Xmas themed fic for Yuletide my first year and a Valentines fic for Criminal Minds. I don't think I've done any Raven Cycle fics that feature the holiday beyond just "kind of vaguely happening at the same time as the holiday" -- the flower store AU might be loosely considered a Christmas fic, but only very loosely. I suppose I don't find holidays a super interesting theme. Sitcom write Ken Levine had a blog post once about how much he dreaded having to write Thanksgiving episodes because there's only so many stories you can tell with them, I think I have some of that attitude somewhere.

I do have a Declan-centric WIP that takes place on Thanksgiving but it's not really thematic, that's just a convenient setting for it. Come to think of it, Wrap My Flesh in Ivy and in Twine could be loosely considered a Thanksgiving fic. @comicsohwhyohwhy did let me keep the dumb joke I wrote about Thanksgiving being ruined :D

What is one fic idea that you loved at first but then scrapped?

Oh, so many, but the one that probably haunts me the most was the Stargate: Atlantis AU. Y'all I wanted to write Adam enlists in the military to escape his dad, joins a top secret operation because it'd be good for his career, gets possessed by an evil alien and never really gets over it, takes a one-way trip to a new galaxy with a small group of extraordinarily codependent geniuses, clashes constantly with that asshole Lynch who's only here because he's good at magic Ancient technology, oops falls in love with that asshole Lynch SO BADLY. To say nothing of doing all the dumb Stargate tropes like parallel universes and body swap! But it was going to have. ALL of the plot and I just couldn't give it the time and attention it deserved. Alas. Pretty much any time I can tell early on a fic is going to be LONG I just give up on it, only the ones that lie to me about how time intensive they are get written.

#Anonymous

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transmasc-wizard · 2 years

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Are we allowed to hear the rant on A Tale of Magic? I hate it as well and wanna hear more opinions on it

FELLOW ATOM HATER HELLO FRIEND

You can indeed hear the rant! Word of warning: i was up till midnight last night and am a bit scattered, and i have not read the book in awhile, so this may be slightly incomprehensible. I'll be pulling some stuff from my actual review, too.

Disclaimer: it's fine if you like it, good for you, now please go away. this will only upset you and i don't want to upset people.

So, let's get this out of the way first: Colfer abuses italics. Like, i love italics, and i still wanted to rip my eyes out by the third chapter. Instead of using emotional description and tags, he emphazies every other word, even when characters are having normal conversations. He also uses italics to represent it when people are yelling, and people yell quite a lot in his book.

Ok, i'll stop with the italicizing now, but that's what the book is like, right???

next: the magic system is shit! total shit! there is not a single part of it that makes sense! it is never once explained in any way, shape, or form other than "fairies have magic, humans dont, witches are evil fairies". I am fairly lenient with magic systems; they don't have to make total sense or make sense right away, but i think it's fair of me to... yknow... want even a little bit of context. A Tale of Magic is the seventh book in the LOS universe, and i still dont know what the fuck is going on with the magic.

Example of well-done vague magic: The Raven Cycle.

Example of well-done explained magic: Six of Crows.

Example of a shitshow of magic that makes no fucking sense in any singular way: A Tale of Magic!

next next: i hate the main character so fucking much, why couldn't Lucy have narrated, Bristol Board is--i dont use this term often but she is--a total mary sue chosen one Not Like Other Girls protagonist, i hate her, that is all i feel the need to say over this aspect

NEXT next next, i am quite upset with Bristol Board's "magiclexia" thing. For starters... "Colfer learn what words mean" challenge. Clearly it was supposed to be based on dyslexia, but the dys is "not" (e.g. disability, dysfunction) and the lexia is relating to words and reading. magiclexia is "magic reading", basically. He should have done literally anything else. fuck, "dysmagica" would have been better than this (though that makes my eyes bleed a little).

NEXT NEXT NEXT NEXT, this is the most exhaustingly heavy-handed metaphor for homophobia ever. I'm gay and i got sick of it within a few chapters. It's all "magic's not a choice, hate is! people are born with magic! magic isn't moral or immoral!" and the anti-magic people are like "magic is against god! magic is a choice! you can be a fairy, but only if you never use your magic!" it's exhausting and not subtle in the slightest. (Plus, there's no gay people in this homophobia metaphor??? thats. hm. not great). Also, his metaphor for gay people... are fairies... you see why having your gay metaphor be called fairies is bad, right...?

next next next next NEXT, Colfer has never in his life been taught "show, don't tell". Every single fucking event and emotion is expressly told, you never once have to use your own brain because he'll go like "she cast her eyes to the floor, blushing, and mumbled, 'sorry'", and then immediately add "she was embarrassed" NO SHIT SHERLOCK!

finally (not really but if i keep going i'll probably drive everyone insane with the length of this post) i don't know whomst the fuck this book is for, and that is a problem. It's content and character ages suggest it's YA, but the reading level, character simplicity, and humour is more suited for MG. It's not the weird space between YA/MG, either; i've seen books do that, and this is not the same place. Colfer's LOS series is middle grade, which moves into YA-MG for the last book, and this isn't even that; it's very obviously trying to be YA, but it has way too many immature, childish moments in places that don't seem to be on purpose.

Anyway, i told you i hate this book! this is just the one book! i didn't even mention the 6 LOS books or this book's sequel! do you understand the amount of wrath i have toward this book? because it's a lot!

ty for the ask and have a great day!

#anon #books nico hates #books #bookblr #a / tale of / magic #my personal tag for ranting #i dont want to put it in the fandom tag bc people genuinely enjoy it! and that's ok! i just wanna keep track of *my* posts on it #asks #bookish asks

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piningeddiediaz · 3 years

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I don't know if Maggie is in therapy, but it might help her. she needs to understand that not everyone cares about the proposal she wants and it's okay to accept criticism. I don't know how the dreamer trilogy is being received and I don't even know if it has been a great success. no one is asking for fanservice just wanting what she promised was not to separate (she deleted the tweet about that) and respecting the development the couple had in the raven cycle... so why then more than 4 books to develop a relationship? if she wanted to finish them first, she would have done cdth with them apart. like it or not, most of the people reading the dreamer trilogy are because of pynch and that's okay, isn't she making money off of it? from the moment work is sold, it belongs a little to the person who bought it and there will be criticisms, if she didn't want to, she could have made the book just for her and not market it.

I'd rather not discuss Maggie's personal life. it is none of our business and its not nice to discuss her personal things in this manner.

I see your point and like I said I see both sides - personally I dont like it because a lot of the things she's saying no to were things I really wanted to see. I dont personally think most of them are things a couple of lines in an epilogue cant cover, but having said that I can understand that as the writer she has a vision for her work - and if she is to be believed she planned this series out as early as 2008! can you imagine that? shes been sitting on this idea for over a decade - most of us probably didnt even know how to write compound sentences then! so I suppose I can understand her. protectiveness over this (I do recall there was a lot of controversy when she was on Tumblr because people kept asking her to write pynch smut). could she have done it better? hell yeah. the reason why people are so disappointed about the lack of adam presence in the books is because she has been teasing an adam storyline for years. even cdth and mi both hint at adam going through his own thing, but the problem is that at this point it is very unlikely we are actually going to see it be wrapped up. mstief has put a lot on her plate for the last book and idk how she is going to cover it all without making it hundreds of pages. logically, it probably means adam's story is going to be sidelined (and no sarchengsey, bcos I know people are hoping for that). it's not their story. I dont like it, but its nothing I didnt already know. like im not gonna pretend adam and pynch weren't the main reason I came back to the fandom when cdth came out, because I genuinely did not care until I found out Adam was gonna be in the book. but I didnt stay for adam, I stayed because I got hooked on the story.

so in conclusion, ik the tweets upset a lot of people. lots of people had hopes about it but they were hopes. im disappointed we wont get to see things like pynch proposal and their life together etc (people/maggie who say pynch proposal after a year of dating is too ooc - bro declan practically proposed after a month of knowing jordan. the lynch brothers fall hard and fast we all know this) but I trust maggie as a writer enough to believe that whatever she has planned for the next book, it will be something good. take mi as an example - adam wasn't in it even half as much as we were all hoping and yet his impact was unparalleled. everything came back to him and Ronan despite him being barely present in it! breaking pynch up is not an option - maggie knows that as well as us - and the rest? fall 2022 cant come fast enough!

#and yes a part of the characters will always be the readers because no one interprets anything the same way and that's never gonna change #i AM going to write a thousand fics about them being soft and getting married and no one can change that #the rest? we'll have to wait and see #asks #anon #trc #mister impossible #adam parrish #ronan lynch #pynch #ronan x adam #the dreamer trilogy #maggie stiefvater

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chibimyumi · 4 years

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Hi there! So I've been meaning to ask this for a while after realizing it, but don't O!Ciel's, Doll's, Alois', and Lizzy's color schemes kind of reveal their past and future a tad bit? I've know Alois outfits are bold yet kind of gothic colors like violet emerald green black and brown which all in the world of art are color forms of different emotions depending how you work with them, green being envy or disgusted but he hides it with royal purple, black means wounded which are his shorts & tie

Dear Blackbutlerfandomnerddomain,

While colour symbolism is popular, I personally don’t think the colours in Kuroshitsuji’s costumes are supposed to deliver any meaning other than aesthetic value. Especially with O!Ciel and Lizzie we can say with some certainty colour symbolism is not within the intention, because they change clothes in every single illustration, and every time they wear different colours. Yes, these characters do have tones they tend to wear, but that’s how real people dress themselves too. Somebody who likes calm colours is slightly less likely to have a rainbow assortment of neon, for example.

This is simply the way I understand Yana’s style, there’s not really ONE correct answer here. So feel free to read as much into the colours as it pleases you. But as I personally see it, Yana’s style of using symbolism tends to rely on objects rather than colours. Allow me to briefly analyse two artworks to illustrate what I mean and how I came to my understanding.

Case One

One of the most famous artworks is the front illustration of the second illustration book. Many colours including green, red, blue, white, gold are all present here.

One could make arguments for the black and white of the Earl’s attire being symbolism, but this meaning is quickly overshadowed by the ravens emerging from the Escher patterns. Red is the most eye-catching colour in this illustration. One might say O!Ciel’s gloves being red means to symbolise his hands being blood-dyed, or his shoes red because he walks a bloody path... but then how do we explain the inside of the drape or Sebastian’s waistcoat?

The setting is a place that appears to be a type of greenhouse; a place built to maximise the function of sunlight. And yet, while the illustration seems to suggest it is daytime, the sun is failing miserably in face of the heavy clouds. Rather than painting the sky ominous red or just dark, Yana uses the unsuccessful sun to set a mood or convey symbolism. “Is the white light against the dark clouds not also a type of colour symbolism?” Yes, it may be, but then one should also ask the question: "why choose a greenhouse then, and not any other setting that could have conveyed the light/dark contrast?”

Case two

Another famous piece is this 2014 artwork. The overall tone is gloomy and is mostly lacking in colours. Though held back in terms of colour, there is a lot to be unpacked here!

The first thing that catches the eye is indeed the overwhelmingly sombre palate of this illustration. Black can symbolise many things, but when 70% of the illustration is black, one could say this illustration is either incompetent in conveying symbolism in it being over-saturated with “meaning”, or that the black is merely here to set a tone.

Instead, we can see white lilies in O!Ciel’s hair as well as one stem carried by Sebas. Rather than colour symbolism, Japan has a long history of flower-symbolism (花言葉・Hanakotoba), and Yana herself is big fan of this style. When Western culture was introduced to Japan, black and white lilies were accepted as symbols for death.

The composition of the artwork leads the eye from the bottom left corner to the top right. This guides our vision to the empty plate at the top of the table, where a bright white saucer lies with a conspicuous bit of red sauce.

Red might symbolise blood here, and it is befitting. But more importantly we also need to consider this choice from an artist’s point of view. How many different colours of edible sauces are there? There’s chocolate sauce and other dark sauces, but that would just blend in with the rest of the illustration. Yellowy sauce is certainly a thing, but that’d be overpowered by the golden details. So red is the only bright colour that would make the empty saucer pop out. The Empty saucer has a fork placed diagonally on top, meaning that somebody had consumed food and is now finished. Rather than the colour of red, I think it is the now-empty saucer that is supposed to symbolise Sebastian’s goal of consuming his master.

Next to the saucer is the skeleton of a bird; presumably a crow judging from the size. Skeletons universally symbolise death, but it has nothing to do with the colour.

In Japanese native culture the topic of ‘death’ is big taboo. In older Japanese buildings for example, the 4th floor would often be skipped because ‘4′ (四・shi) is a homophone of death (死・shi).

In the past when Buddhism was introduced, the Japanese embraced this religion with open arms because finally there was something else that would deal with ‘death’ while native culture could stay in its comfort-zone. It was a bit like: “we do we... Hey, Buddhism, can you take care of that thing we’re too afraid of for us? Thanks dude!” Since the introduction of Buddhism, images of skeletons came to not just mean ‘death’, but more specifically ‘impermanence’ (無常・mujou). Impermanence is one of the core teachings in Buddhism, reminding humanity that everything will eventually come to an end, be it good or bad. With Buddhism introduced, skeletons were no longer only associated with pure fear, but instead gained an additional meaning of acceptance of change and the cycle of nature.

The origins of the meaning of skeletons have blurred through the years, many Japanese people probably don’t even know why things evoke certain meanings in them (just like in other cultures, I presume). But fact remains that though still macabre, in Japan a skeleton is now assumed to symbolise the naturalness of death.

That the skeleton of the bird is preserved in a glass dome is interesting. Glass domes’ function is primarily display. Out of all things, Yana chose to specifically display the symbol of impermanence and death, meaning that within this artwork that skeleton is the key object of display. In human subjectivity death is finite and fearsome. To a demon like Sebastian however (from whose perspective we view this artwork as he’s the only one awake here), he probably views death more akin to the way Buddhism views it; as just impermanence. I am NOT saying that Sebastian subscribes to a Buddhist philosophy, but I am saying that he must view death a lot more neutrally than most humans do.

Most Japanese people are not raised consciously religiously, but everyone is always influenced to some extent, Yana included. And therefore it is no surprise that Yana might have been inspired by the neutral view towards death (for at least Sebastian), even if she might not know where this inspiration comes from.

The casualness of ‘death’ in this illustration is further indicated by the coffin that is set up as a dining table. There is no respect, no ceremony, objects are scattered on top and around. The message is rather straightforward so I shall waste no more time explaining the obvious here. But I do wish to point out how this gives further evidence for how the meanings of this illustration should be considered from Sebas’ perspective, just like the crow’s skeleton as explained above. What is finite to us, is just a fact of nature to Sebas.

Conclusion

Yana has created many illustrations. Not all include symbolism, but the more elaborate pieces are usually packed with them. Of course I have only analysed two illustrations, and I would not blame anyone for calling this post insufficient evidence. But... I could just go on and on forever, and I need to draw a line somewhere, right? What I can say with confidence however, is that if you were to grab any artwork by Yana and see it for yourself, rather than colour, item symbolism is stronger.

Also, the way Yana uses colour is just not very symbolism heavy; she has a much stronger tendency to use colours purely aesthetically. Take any of the inside covers of this series, and one would quickly find out there really is no pattern to be found here.

In a nutshell, Yana’s colouring style is mostly aesthetic and used to set a tone for her illustrations. What carries the symbolism instead is in the objects.

Again, this is merely how I personally read Yana’s illustrations and an elaboration of how I came to this reading. There is not one correct answer to read illustrations, because art is subjective in its core. So if the colours do mean more to you than they do to me, please do enjoy doing so by all means ^^

#Kuroshitsuji #Black Butler #Art #Illustration #art analysis #analysis #I did study art for a bit and it shaped the way I look at art #but the core lesson of art analysis class is that art is always subjective #ALWAYS #symbolism

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of-stars-and-moon · 3 years

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Hey, it's your trc anon again. Sorry I didn't send an aks for a while but I've been sick these last few days.

Anyway let's talk about the book. (I should probably put a spoiler warning here. So don't read this if you don't want to know what hapoens in the 4th raven cycle book) Honestly, it kinda felt weird to read the last book. Everything felt so rushed. Don't get me wrong. I still enjoyed reading it and it's a good book but it just felt like they tried to smash everything into it even though it didn't really fit. For example Henry. I love Henry and I think his charcter is very interesting but his introduction felt so "wrong". He was never really mentioned in any of the other books (ohh, I hope that's true, if not pelase correct me) and then all of a sudden he was there and became friends with Gansey in like, two seconds. I didn't really get that and so all their follow up interactions felt weird to me, too. But maybe that's just me.

So, I have to say the grey man is one if the most interesting characters. He seems like this really nice grandfather next door and then he suddenly shows his hit man qualities again and I'm absolutely there for it! I would have loved to see him reorganizing the magic artefact dealer society (I forgot the word..) And random headcanon: once he decided to stay in Henrietta he grew a beard. He thinks it looks really good (the others don't really agree..) and he always kinda wanted one but it interferred with his hit man activities.. So anyway, I would have loved to see this plot point getting an ending as well (but maybe one of the other books is about that?).

So, let's come to my last point. Gansey's death. I was actually quite disappointed that he didn't die. Don't get me wrong, I like that he survived but it didn't feel right to me. All along the story they kept telling us that Gansey was the one who is going to die.. And then he just doesn't. I would have preferred if they went through with it, even though it definitely would have hurt but I personally think, it would have just fit better into the book. I just would have enjoyed seeing him die (omg, that sounds so mean).

Oh, and another point. I was no fan of the epilog. I can't even exactly say why but I just didn't felt like it fit.

So, that was just me complaining about everything but I have to say that I loved reading the book and the charczers are amazing and the way you realky see them struggle and fall and every single one of them has sole kind of problems and I got really attached to them all. So yeah, I love the book but I just wanted to gossip about the (in my opinion!) not that good parts.

Thank for reading all of this. Hope you have a great day/night! And stay safe and healthy!! ❤️

Hii! I'm sorry about that! I hope you're feeling better now 💛

Oh yeah that is true. I remember hearing somewhere that Maggie wasn't well during the last book so that's part of the reason, but I don't remember where I read that. I think Henry is mentioned before too though not much (it's been a while since I've reread them) But I love him personally and I love their interactions. And yeah Gray man is a very interesting character! The other books aren't really on his plot though, but to me his ending felt satisfying. Well yeah when we think of how it was mentioned so often, it does look like his death would be important and it was. But what can I say I'm a sucker for happy ending (that's why I pretend they remember Noah)

I like the epilogue personally, of course it does feel like a sudden jump but for that, I have fanfics 😄

Yeah even if the books do have some not good parts, they are really amazing and we can admit that the books are not perfect

Thank you! I hope you have a great day too! And take care 💖

#asks #anonymous #trc anon #trc #trk #trk spoilers #trc spoilers

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nightimedreamersworld · 4 years

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Ten Question Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @sharing-a-room-with-an-open-fire @adamarks @theflyingpeach and @the-clueless-philosopher 💖❤️

1) What’s your favorite genre to write?

I don't know?? I think Urban Fantasy or Magical realism (which are the genres of some ideas I'm nurturing), but aside from that... Contemporary? Dunno, pal.

2) Do you pull inspiration from real-life, or do you pull things from other books/ fanfiction you’ve read?

I think it's natural for writers to pull inspiration from books/fanfiction we read, even when it's not consciously. It's just like... Everything we read inspires and resonates with us in different levels, so there's that.

I also pull inspiration from real life, yeah. Especially for dialogue and character quirks, which I think makes them seem more natural/believable.

3) Do you tend to write one-shots, short stories, or longer things?

Oh, man. I... Might have a little problem. It's like my brain tries to stretch every single idea I have, no matter how simple it may be, into a novel-lengthy fic.

It's like.. I find it hard to write short stories. Or even one-shots (that don't have to be necessarily short). But I've been experimenting with shorter things (drabbles, for example), and I have some ideas that I could turn into one-shots.

4) Do you prefer to write description or dialogue?

I don't have a preference, actually. Some days I'm just in the mood to dig into long descriptions, and some days I have neither patience not time for that. These days, dialogue comes more naturally. Overall, I try to keep things balanced.

(Especially because I get bored if there's no action happening, so I try to keep the characters moving; their thoughts or physically.)

5) Favorite fic/book of all time?

Me: Oh no. A list of favorite things.

My brain: Time to go blank!

Seriously, tho. I'll just say the first 100 that come to mind, in no specifical order:

Books: The boy in the striped pyjamas; The Hunger Games trilogy; The Raven Cycle; Navigating Early; The Chronicles of Narnia; Bridge to Terabithia; All the Bright Places; They Both Die at the End; The weight of the Stars; and Carry on and Wayward Son, Of course!

As for fanfiction... I think I'm going for "Stay up with Me" by @sharkmartini because this thing haunted me in my sleep. I mean, it was absolutely wonderful and heartbreaking, and I couldn't stop thinking about it for days. Reading it felt like someone sticking a hand inside my chest and squeezing my heart, and by the end I just felt groundless.

(I thought I was evil.) (I want to be like you when I grow up @sharkmartini )

6) Favorite trope?

Wait for it... Just wait...

ROAD TRIP AUS!!!

I seriously couldn't believe when I found out this would be Wayward Son's plot. I was like... SCREECH. I think it's partially because I have this dream of leaving everything behind and hitting the road to nowhere for indeterminate time. (Whick I can't do, ofc. So, fanfiction!)

But I'm also a sucker for Soulmate AUs (ahem. I'm writing one rn), and I love High Fantasy/historical AUs with all my heart. Also, text fics are so fun to read! Also, Superhero/Villain AUs. Which aren't so common on this fandom, unfortunately. Oh, and don't forget to bring the #angst with a happy ending, of course.

7) Are you the kind of person to work on more than one wip?

Definitely not.

First of all, I'm a slow writer. Second, when I start working on a project, it takes over my mind. It's really hard for me to divide my attention like this, because I get really invested in whatever I'm writing at the time. So.

(I'm working on two WIPs right now, though. Not really sensible on my part, but I'll make it work.)

8) How long have you been writing for?

For this fandom? Since January. (Not a long time, I know.)

But I've been writing in general since... I can't recall. Probably since I learned how to write. I remember writing stories when I was seven. Then nine. Then I was eleven and attempted to write my first fanfiction. Then, at the tender age of 13, I attempted my first book. I finished none of them.

9) Do you tend to write more during the morning, afternoon, or evening?

Evening. Late at night. When I should be sleeping, y'know.

It's just that, well, I'm a night owl. Besides, the night is the only time I have to write when I'm studying. (Now that I'm quarantined, tho, any time is a good time to write.)

10) Do you prefer to post and update your wip chapter by chapter, or do you prefer to wait until your wip is 100% finished before sharing it?

I post chapter by chapter because I crave attention and feedback. That's it.

(I also get anxious if I don't post immediately after I've finished writing.)

I'm working on a fic for the COBB, though, and it will only come out in July, so I hope to have it all finished by then.

Tagging @phoxphyre @sourcherrymagiks @pipsqueakparker @neck-mole @bazypitchandsimonsnow

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gingerbooks · 4 years

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Call Down The Hawk Review

Ah, Maggie Stiefvater. I adore her writing and was a big fan of The Raven Cycle. It got inside my head and heart, worked its way in and rearranged everything and became a part of me, so I was very excited when I heard Stiefvater had a new book coming along. Call Down The Hawk is the first book in a new trilogy (The Dreamer Trilogy) featuring Ronan Lynch who was one of the characters in The Raven Cycle. This is not an extension of The Raven Cycle, it is a new story, with new characters. Best make room in your head and heart for new characters that are going to get under your skin and cause all sorts of feelings.

So, Ronan Lynch is a Dreamer. He can take objects out of his dreams. One of these was his brother, Matthew. Neither a dream nor a Dreamer, the other brother, Declan, is doing his best to appear as invisible as possible whilst trying to hold his family together. As Stiefvater says in the prologue; "This is going to be a story about the Lynch brothers." It appears family dynamics and angst await!

When we left The Raven Cycle, it left us readers knowing that Dreamers, dreamt objects, and the dark market for them went beyond just Henrietta, Virginia. Call Down The Hawk starts with introducing the Moderators, a group of people out to get all of the Dreamers as there has been a prediction that they will bring about the end of the world. There are plenty of chapters from the point of view of one of these moderators, named Carmen Farooq-Lane. Follow them closely.

Where does the new character Jordan Hennessy fit in? You will have to see. I am not going to spill everything here. She is a talented art forger and just all kinds of awesome. I don't want to say too much to avoid spoilers, but I already LOVE her story and I just cannot wait to see where it goes next. Dreams, forgery.. are you seeing a connection!

One could probably pick up Call Down The Hawk having not read The Raven Cycle (but why haven't you?), but in all honesty, I would probably suggest giving it a read or at least look at a really good recap about it first. I enjoyed The Raven Cycle as it was full of so much wonder and discovery. There does feel slightly less of this in Call Down The Hawk, probably as Ronan has already got to grips with his power. However, I am already getting the sense that something big is coming, and I feel there will be new things to marvel at further on in the trilogy.

One of the things I think puts Stiefvater above the rest is the way she writes her characters. You really get to look inside them. I think all sorts of readers could read her books and find a character that they can resonate with or who reminds them of someone they know. The crafting is great. No character is bland or forgettable. Each one seems to have certain personality traits, some of which are described with humour, which is cheeky and adds another depth to the book. You don't just get told what they are like, you get to see WHY they are the way they are. For example, Declan Lynch was a minor character in The Raven Cycle, but by the time you come away from reading Call Down The Hawk, you'll know so much more about him, feel so much more about him. Not only that, you'll be rooting for him, and still want to see what's going to happen next.

It's great to see Ronan take center stage in his own chapters in Call Down The Hawk. I feel like we get to see a softer side to him in some parts, he seems more open and vulnerable. However, we also still get his sarcasm and his language!

The characters and relationships make a book for me. You can give me an amazing plot but I just won't relish it as much if it doesn't have the complex relationships to delve into, and memorable and interesting personalities to go with it. This helps leave a lasting impression.

This whole book is a MOOD. I can't explain what mood because I lose the ability to form a coherent sentence when I talk about any of Maggie Stiefvater's work, but she wants us to feel something.

#call down the hawk #maggie stiefvater #book review #book reviews

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allsassnoclass · 2 years

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Hi hi hi hazel! 8, 15, 27, and 34 for the fic writer asks please <3 have a good day/night/random o clock

hello team! nice to have you here!

8. Do you prefer writing one-shots or multi chaptered stories? one shots for sure hands down no question. the number of completed chapter stories i have is currently zero. the issue is that it always takes me a lot longer to write than i anticipate, but i also hate sitting on completed fics/chapters, so i put them out too early then feel like crap when i go a long time between updates. like unmute? let's talk about unmute. i started writing it in feb of 2021 and i posted the first chapter on may 2, because that was the 1 year anniversary. i intended to go around 1 month between updates and i still haven't started writing 2013, which i honestly feel very bad and frustrated with myself about (even though i know i shouldn't because i'm doing this for free and i have other responsibilities and blah blah blah. that doesn't change the fact that emotionally it feels like i'm failing). i have a raven cycle au that i'm writing (currently on chapter 5), but it's going to be a 3-story series, so even when i finish the first story i feel like i have to wait to begin posting the chapters until i write the rest, which is going to take So Long, so I haven't worked on it because the chance of outside validation is so far away that it's more difficult to find motivation. it's a whole thing.

so. in short: i don't think i'm built for multi-chaptered stories, although i wish i was. i also find it harder to get validation on them since for one-shots each comment/bookmark/kudos is validation, whereas for multi-chaptered you can't separate those out by chapter, so, using unmute as an example again, to me it feels like only four people read chapter 2, which i know is logically incorrect, but i just don't have the data to argue otherwise because only four people commented or reviewed it in some way, when i know a lot more people read chapter 1 because i got more comments and could look at stuff like kudos, which you can't leave for chapter 2 if you already put one on chapter 1. chapter 2 was 10k and only having evidence that four people read it doesn't feel very good

anyway. sorry for that rant lol it seems you touched a nerve with that question.

15. What is the fanfic you’ve written that you’re most proud of? right now i would say Puzzle Pieces because it holds a very special place in my heart and i really like how i handled soulmates in it, but that could change once i post my current project because 1. so far it's the longest thing i've written 2. i'm digging the vibe, plus i know i'll have the time to really edit it and ensure that it's the best it can be! there are a few great moments in it already

27. What time of day do you prefer to write? in the evening! I find that I'm most productive after dinner

34. Have you felt emotional while writing a scene before? What scene was it? Not really! I'm a very technical writer, so I'm typically pretty detached from the emotions in a scene while I'm writing because I'm thinking more logistically about how to portray what I want

send some fanfic writer asks

#ask #team #4thbrighteststar #anyway. i know that chaptered fics should not be bad for my self-esteem but i don't know how to change that #it is how it is #but the raven cycle au is wayyyyyyy too long to be posted as one thing and so was unmute #and i have another fic that will likely be chaptered but we're not even touching that right now #i just. i really wanted to get the first chapter of unmute out for the off screen anniversary #i just wish i was able to pre-write as much as i originally wanted #there's a lot of feelings wrapped up in the off screen universe anyway though #i genuinely think it was kind of bad for me that my first 5sos fic is almost twice as popular as all of my other ones #because i feel so much pressure to live up to it and i simply cannot #there was a perfect storm of 'popular pairing' 'uncommon concept' 'relevant to people's interests' and 'helen talked it up'#and i simply can't replicate that and i try to be logical about it and not let it hurt my self esteem but i don't always succeed #i'm really sorry for dumping all of this on you team! please disregard it all lol #hope you have a good whatever-time-of-day-it-is-for-you!

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arielmagicesi · 7 years

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hey i hope it's ok if i ask but, i know a lot of latinx book twitter/bookblr ppl are uncomfortable and angry w/ all the crooked saints and i know its with good reason. i do have a question, do they think the way ms is handling latinx characters is shady and inappropriate or are they more upset that its a white author writing a book about latinx characters? im a writer who wants to write diverse books 1 day and i was just wondering if u know what her particular mistakes are so i don't repeat

i thought the general rule is if you don’t belong to a culture you should still include a character of that bg in ur writing (avoid all-white trc again lmao) but don’t fetishize it/appeal to stereotypes or pretend you know the struggles that ppl of that group experience. sorry this is kind of a loaded question but i wanna make sure im informed

OK, this definitely is a complicated question, and I’m also white so idk if I’m the best person to answer it, but I guess I’m like the authority on hating Maggie Stiefvater now lol. [I’m in a stable mood so I don’t really *hate* her, it’s just that she’s done a lot of things in her writing and online presence that bother me a lot and remind me of people that have hurt me, idk, long story]

Anyway: I’m also a white writer who wants to write diverse books. I don’t see a problem with white writers, or writers belonging to privileged groups, writing characters with identities they don’t belong to. I think it’s important, obviously, to not write a whitewashed world, like you said, avoid the all-white TRC problem again. I think Maggie is trying, which is respectable, as a response to the We Need Diverse Books movement and the backlash to how whitewashed her other books are.

Unfortunately, “just trying” isn’t enough, when you’re a person with this much privilege. Maggie is privileged as a white cishet woman, and she also holds a lot of power in the YA publishing community. The majority of YA folks really adore her, and she often appears on panels, interviews, as sort of the spokeswoman for YA, much like John Green or whoever. And she’s a popular writer, which means her books are more or less guaranteed to sell very well even if they suck at this point. Which means they’ll appear in publishing journals, in the media, get attention, be read widely by innocent young teens, show up in school libraries, etc. That is a LOT of influence.

Anyone who’s privileged is definitely gonna fuck up when handling diverse representation. You can do lots of research and get sensitivity readers and watch yourself and things, but you’re going to fuck up. That does NOT mean you should do nothing, and just stick to writing what you know, a cute whitewashed world. No, of course not- people like Maggie, who already have power in this community, should take risks, should be supporting diversity rather than just avoiding the topic out of fear of fucking up. I think that’s what she’s trying to do here, but there’s plenty of reason why I- and many readers, especially Latinx readers- don’t trust her with this task.

First off, supporting diversity doesn’t mean just writing diverse characters. It means putting in the goddamn work. It means getting- and paying- sensitivity readers, of a variety of backgrounds, and then listening to what they tell you. It means doing a hell of a lot of research. It means talking to actual, real-live members of those identity groups. It means changing who you are as a person to be an ally, to be someone who can see beyond yourself. And it also means, above all, supporting #ownvoices work- diverse books written by diverse authors. I have yet to see Maggie supporting books in this vein, with all the influence she has.

The one interview we have regarding “All The Crooked Saints” suggests that she hasn’t done any of the above. I believe she did get sensitivity readers, which is a step in the right direction, but from what I hear from Latinx bloggers, this book appears to be a hot mess of stereotypes and inaccuracies. Things like the names of the characters and the town are basically ill-researched Spanish, and the way she addresses it is in this voice that makes it sound like she picked this background for how exotic and free it is. I don’t think she did that consciously, but it feels like it to a lot of readers. Additionally, she isn’t just writing Latinx characters, she’s writing about a very particular time in history, the 1960s, and it sounds like she’s romanticizing it to be about the music, and misunderstanding the historical struggle of Latinx people at that time. This is a touchy place to go when you’re already clearly not doing your research.

I’d be more open-minded about this, and give her the benefit of the doubt, if it wasn’t for how she’s handled this sort of thing in the past. Henry Cheng in the Raven Cycle is a prime example. He was her one [1] character of color, and she managed to give him a “dragon lady” stereotype mother, have him make self-deprecating jokes about his race, and worse, have Ronan make shitty racist jokes about him that are never addressed. When readers called her out on this, she pretended that none of it happened, saying that the racist jokes weren’t actually racist and the readers were misinterpreting them.

She’s also historically been bad at taking criticism, especially about her representation. [See: literally any time LGBT readers asked about the half-ass approach to her two queer characters.] Being able to take criticism is essential if you’re a privileged writer writing about identities that are not your own. Not because “you need to have a thick skin, those mean diversity goblins are gonna come after you!” But because if a teenage reader of color criticizes Maggie online for shitty rep, and she responds by going “woe is me, being online is a constant onslaught of attack, I’m a woman you know,” all her fans are going to go after this teenager. She’s gonna get sympathy, and her critics- who are the readers, the young teens, the people she’s supposedly writing for- will be attacked by people who are most likely not going to be nice about it. And there’ll be a hundred think-pieces about how the YA community is so nasty and people need to defend the innocent white authors and this diversity trend is really leading to so many bad things. An ally, working for diversity, knowing damn well that this kind of shit happens, should not be the sort of person who lashes out against criticism. That’s not being an ally, that’s being someone who only cares for their own self-interest.

I’m a petty, vindictive bitch, but I don’t want to see Maggie crash and burn with this book and totally fuck up. Because the truth is, even if she does, she’s gonna get heaps of praise, and it’s not going to hurt her, it’s going to hurt teenage readers and actual Latinx writers. I want to see her handle this well, but I am very wary, and so are lots of people in the YA community on Twitter.Anyway, the conclusion to this essay that is longer and more thorough than any essay I’ve ever written for school is, people aren’t upset that she’s a white woman writing Latinx characters. They’re upset that she’s showing a lot of signs of being about to royally fuck it up, and that she has a history of not being great about that. Again, I’m white, so it might be better to ask a Latinx person, but this is pretty much what I know.

#all the crooked saints

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toast-the-unknowing · 4 years

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Hi there, toast. Cutting to the chase: you're one of my favorite writers — not just one of my favorite fanfic writers. your short stories for the raven cycle are some of the funniest, tightest, emotionally devastating, well-crafted works of fiction i've encountered in awhile — better than a lot """"real-world, published"""" stuff. I kind of want to know more about how you got to this point. I think you've mentioned a background in screenwriting? But I don't think that's your day job? 1/?

2/? Really, I'm asking because you seem to have found a way to write regularly — to develop your chops and publish your art in a way that seems emotionally satisfying for you. to an outsider like myself, you seem to have struck a balance between living a life that pays the bills, and artmaking in a way that feeds your soul. you might not feel that way, i don't know. i'm someone who studied writing in college and am now wondering if and how i can still water that seed....

3/? when the reality is i also need to make money to live. i guess i'm curious about your life model right now, and if you're happy with the way you're currently fulfilling yourself creatively. do you want to be a """""published writer""""" someday? is your job one that is also creatively fulfilling, or is it more to pay the bills so that you can do your own creative projects in your free time?

4/4 I know my question isn't very clear, and I'm not sure it's even one question. the point is, i admire you, and you seem to be in a habit of writing creatively, even though i think you have an unrelated day job, and that balance seems mysterious and desirable to me.

Thank you for your kind words, Anon! I have attempted to write something helpful, but it got very long, so I am putting it behind a cut:

Keeping your art alive when you have to work an unrelated job is not easy. Struggling with it does not mean that you're failing, or that it can't be done, or that you won't get better at it down the road. It's also not the sort of thing where you hit equilibrium and it's all smooth sailing from there. I have gotten better at fitting my writing into my life, and I've figured out strategies and coping mechanisms and how to be better at just making myself do it even if I feel "blocked," but there are still stretches of time where it's harder to manage. Those periods don't last forever, and if it sometimes gets worse, it also sometimes gets better.

I suspect you know all of this, Anon, because you sound like a reasonable person and because you balanced writing and schoolwork, which can itself be tricky. I say it anyway because this is exactly the kind of subject where mean little thoughts like to sneak into your head and make you doubt yourself, and I think we could all use a reminder.

There are many writers who will say that you have to write every single day. Often they will say that you have to write at the same time every single day, or that you need to wake up early to write before work. These writers depress and demotivate me, because I don't actually have a writing "habit" in that there's no schedule or daily goal or set of standards involved. Some days I write a lot and some days I don't write at all. Shaming myself about that fact has never been helpful.

What has been helpful: an increased understanding of my writing process. Realizing I don't have to outline? Helpful! Realizing that generating ideas and fleshing out scenes and shaping the arc of a story and making it pretty are all different skills and some days one comes easier than the others? Helpful! Realizing that I tend to have an "a-hah" moment that tells me what the story is about, after which it's easier to write the story? Helpful! Realizing that if I can't think of an adjective or a line of dialogue or a joke, I can just put an asterisk and come back to it later, instead of halting the entire writing process until I come up with it? Helpful!

I don't know if any of these particular things would be helpful to you, because your writing process probably works differently than mine. Somebody out there absolutely does need to outline before they can write, or so I assume from the fact that it is mandated in virtually every book on writing I have ever read. You studied writing in school, so it's possible that you already have a great understanding of your process; it's also possible you have internalized a lot of other people's ideas of what you're writing should look like. Most of what I know about how I write was learned in the last few years, not in school.

It is also possible that you have a good understanding of what your process looks like when that gets to be the thing that takes up the majority of your time. In which case, you probably need to consider your life and your schedule as it is now. I know, for example, that I don't get much writing done of weekend days where I stay in bed late, even though I still end up with more free time than I'd have on a weekday, so if I want to write on a weekend I need to get up. Are there any times of day, or the days of the week, or the places where it is easier to write? What factors make it harder to write? Can you minimize those factors? When you can't, because you livelihood depends on them, can you acknowledge them as a fact of life and forgive yourself for being affected by them?

It's unpleasant but undeniable that working impacts writing. We aren't able to spend the time we'd like to on writing. We don't have the energy and focus that we had in school, when our writing was our main responsibility. Now our primary responsibility is making enough money to survive, and if that makes us sad to think about, well, it's only going to make us sadder if on top of that we try to hold ourselves to the amount of writing we'd do if that weren't true.

It isn’t strictly a numbers game where more time = more writing, which I think can be reassuring for those of us who don’t get as much time as we’d like for writing. I was unemployed or working part-time for the entirety of 2016 and I did not do more writing in 2016 than I am now. I had more time, but I was much more of a mess, as a person, and I wasn't as dedicated to writing. In a counter-intuitive way, I think it can help to have creative outlets besides writing. It does take time away from something that you already don’t get as much time as you want to do, but it means that you have a place to be creative even when the words aren't coming, a place with less pressure and lower stakes. I've done improv pretty casually for the last couple of years, and aside from the fact that I think improv in particular can be extremely helpful for writers, it means that when I've been unhappy with my writing, I could show up to improv and do a silly voice or shuffle around in a crabwalk and know that I had created something.

These are some things that have helped me write while also working: Improv. Mindfulness about writing. Mindfulness about life in general. Prioritizing my writing (guys, I watch so much less television than I used to). Therapy and medication, to be honest. Remembering why I am excited about the projects that I’m working on. Giving myself freedom to start new stories while also encouraging myself to finish old ones. Having an audience to share things with, because it is hard to write without knowing that anyone will ever read what you are pouring so much of yourself into.

It has taken me a few days to answer this, Anon, because I wanted to give a considered response, and also just because adult life! so busy! I keep coming back to the questions of whether I am emotionally satisfied with the writing I am doing, and whether I have a good balance between my writing and my work. Because I really think that I am creatively satisfied right now, and if I am mostly aware of that most of the time, I don't know that I'd really phrased it like that to myself before. If I had then I had forgotten it. And it's a powerful and wonderful thing to be able to say that to myself.

I have a degree in screenwriting, but I have never made a career of it and am not pursuing one now. The dream used to be writing for television. Before that the dream was to be a traditionally published author. Now...I don't know what the dream is. I would like to do original work again some day. I have a novel in my head that is very important to me, whose characters helped me get through some hard times, and I want to give that novel the life that it deserves. I would like to do something with my screenwriting degree at some point, although it will likely never make me money. Sometimes it feels like failure that I don't have a new dream, and that I gave up on the old ones. But for the most part, for now, I'm very happy writing fanfiction. I've written a lot of stories, particularly in the last few years, that I am very proud of.

But I don't actually have a good balance between art and work, inasmuch as my art makes me happy and my work...doesn't. I have a low-level office job in a field that I'm not passionate about or well-suited for. I don't get out of my job a lot of the things that I do get out of writing -- challenge, investment, a chance to be creative, self-direction, fulfillment, purpose. I have never worked a job where I got any of those things, and it is starting to wear me down.

To be fair: "my job pays me a decent wage and gives me great health insurance but it isn't satisfying" is a privileged thing to complain about, and I'm aware of that. I'm also aware that some people handle these situations just fine, that some people don’t mind a job that demands a minimum of energy and time since that leaves them more to put into their art. You may be one of these people! I am discovering that I am not. Getting no sense of accomplishment from my job contributes negatively to my overall mental and emotional health, which is sucky all on its own, but has the additional effect of impacting my writing.

It's a tricky problem, though. I don't, at present, want to make a living off of writing (and such a career would be precarious), but my current resume and skill set doesn't qualify me for much of anything besides the work I'm already doing (thanks, screenwriting degree). Any attempt to find a job that's more fulfilling would likely involve a big investment of time, money, and/or effort in some kind of school and training, and then...I'd be in a job that demanded more from me, and even if it made me happier than my current job does, how much would that leave me to put into my writing?

I don't know if any of this has been helpful to you. It is perhaps not a clear answer to a question that felt clear when I read it but that my mind muddled up along the way. You may find that once you hit a balance between writing and working, you don't mind the day job grind in the same way I do. You may decide that you do want to pursue writing as a career. You may still be figuring out the employment situation at all and my woes may be worse than irrelevant.

But the timing of this ask is funny; I am soon going to apply to an educational program that would prepare me for a new career in a totally different field, and the thought of how this will impact my writing has very much been on my mind. In the past when I've thought about doing anything like this, that question has kept me from going forward: won't that be less of your time, less of your energy, less of you for your writing? I think this is a real concern with a basis in truth: if I get into this program I am going to have a lot less time and energy for anything outside of it, and I will need to again adjust my expectations of what my writing can look like in my circumstances. But I think that this question is also fear and perfectionism talking, using my writing as a weapon against me, and I'm tired of it.

Balance is a funny thing. I'm actually terrible at basically anything that requires balance: biking, rollerskating, gymnastics, ice skating, you name it. I don't see how anyone pulls it off. You can lean too far one way only to fall over the other way when you try to even out. You can take a turn and suddenly the road is uphill or downhill or bumpy, and whatever you were doing before to stay upright isn't cutting it. You can be going along just fine and then, for absolutely no reason, you're wobbling all over the place. But you can also do a hell of a lot of wobbling without ever falling down.

I think it's just about...paying attention to what's happening around you. Paying attention to what you're feeling and what you want. Not getting fooled by something you're supposed to want if you don't actually want it. Figuring out the things that you need, and the things that would make your life better, and the things that you'd like, and prioritize those accordingly.

I sure hope that's how it works, at least, because that's all I've got. I might royally fuck up my life in the next couple of months, but if I do, I'll adjust and keep going. It can't be any worse than fucking ice skating.

Best of luck, Anon.

#writing #Anonymous

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